#the fact that im discussing this kind of stuff at all already makes me so uncomfortable x_x

[seoftbear]

TW

discussing the taeil situation

As I’m sure many of you have seen that Taeil was removed/left NCT due to Sexual Offense Allegations.

“On August 29, the Seoul Bangbae Police Station revealed that the police booked Taeil after a report was filed in June for alleged sexual offense.

According to the police, Taeil is being investigated after being reported by legal adult woman “A.”

source

First off I’d like to say that obviously Im absolutely disgusted with Taeil and this entire thing makes me feel sick. I know they won’t see this but my thoughts are with those effected by this and I’m glad she had the courage to speak out and I hope she gets the support and justice that she wants during this time.

Now I’d like to talk about what has been weighing on me personally about this situation? I tend to stay off of twitter but I’ve seen a lot of links and post being circulated in the last 24 hours about this and it’s been really killing me.

As of now the police have booked Taeil back in June and he is being investigated by police for sexual offense, currently that’s all of the information that’s been confirmed by authorities. (I linked the article above and that has a link to the Naver article too.)

I’m sure some of you guys may be younger and haven’t truly grasped the full gravity of this, but misinformation can really damage cases like this especially as a woman.

Unfortunately the internet spread fake news fast and screenshots and stories have been circulating on twt/tiktok social media in general being translated and mistranslated from numerous different languages and people are just adding to the narrative for the drama it seems like… (please understand that even if something is in a different language and “translated” it does not make it facts.) I’ve seen others ask people where the source was for the information they got and then get called “Taeil defenders” when they just wanted to know where the information came from in the first place. I also read comments where people were saying that it didn’t matter if it was misinformation?

This is someone’s life we are talking about and seeing people say “they can’t wait for certain youtube channels to make videos about this because they need all of the details” or “they’ve been searching for more information all day and have come up with etc etc.” is really disheartening to see it be made into a spectacle. There’s only been one statement from the police as I’m aware of and in under 24 hours twt has finalized and circulated a story that has no source.

Unfortunately this stuff will happen because it’s the internet regardless and people are curious and in shock so wanting details on something is understandable but please understand that this is someone’s life not just backlash and justice against Taeil.

Speaking out isn’t easy and speaking out against a celebrity under big company? I can’t imagine, so please please please think about what you are posting and reposting. It’s not you supporting the victim, it’s just spreading gossip, theories/speculations, and can really tamper with the case guys. This is already a traumatizing experience and now it’s public and people are prying to know details about something so horrible and invasive??? At the end of the day if no statements are released about details or information and you are upset please take a step back and really think what for.

With this Ive seen a lot of people talk about parasocial relationships, how you don’t know these men, all men are men at the end of the day, don’t trust your favs etc etc. Though I definitely agree with you don’t know the people you like at the end of the day, I think that everyone knows that to some extent. However I don’t think parasocial relationship or not knowing someone is to blame when this kind of stuff happens, rather it’s normal to believe that someone you admire/like is cool person especially if portrayed that way. The thing about abusers/assaulters is that they can be anyone, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t trust anyone and that all people/idols are secretly awful but it’s more about that it’s not anyone’s fault for believing that they were a good person. So if anyone is going through that “ I can’t believe I liked someone like that” feeling that’s okay. It’s not your fault and you’re allowed to work through them.

that’s all

sorry if this is too long and makes no sense or comes off wrong or disrespectful please let me know kindly

[xxruletheworld]

“menopause at 16”

This is a very personal post, please be nice. Also sorry if there is anything grammatically wrong, I was crying while writing.

So, since I was little whenever I wanted to get out of a situation, like going to school (because of anxiety or wtv) I faked having stomach aches, most of the times it actually hurt. In primary school I went to a doctor that told me the anxiety gave me actual stomach aches. At 13 I had really bad depression, from then on I didn’t go to school at least twice a week. I told my mom it was bc of my stomach, so she took me to the doctor, and they actually saw something. I’ve always been the fat kid, I went through an eating disorder during my depression.

Turns out that most of my “belly” wasn’t fat, it was a cyst. I had a really big cyst. It was in one of my ovaries, and they had to remove it. (This was when I was 14) I went through a lot of medical procedures and tests and everything. They had to put me an epidural and a lot of anesthesia. They removed the cyst and the ovary, i have a really long vertical scar in my belly now. I spent some time in the hospital, when I came home, since I was through a “I hate my parents” (I still don’t like my father, but I do love my mom) phase I screamed at them and we “fought”, which was very bad for my not completely healed wound. When I first saw myself without the thing that protected my wound, I was really really happy because I had a “perfect flat stomach”, but whatever, I don’t have that eating disorder anymore, I in fact have gained weight.

Well, since I only have one ovary left, my doctor/surgeon told me that she and other doctors had a meeting were they discussed my case, and they decided I had to freeze my ove in case I wanted them in the future, because having one ovary would make it a little difficult for me to have children (this was after I turned 15). I have never wanted children, I always knew that, I didn’t want to do that freezing ove because I knew I wouldn’t want them in the future, in fact I don’t even want to have a partner in the future. But the decision wasn’t mine, I’m a minor and the doctors decided it already. I went through that too, it was something fast and I thought everything was over (except for the check ups of course).

I was wrong.

In one of my recent check ups the doctors noticed something really really small that they didn’t know what it was, but we waited until the next check up to see if it would grow. (this was like november-december 2024) It barely did, it wasn’t even 1cm diameter. My surgeon told me they knew it was another cyst (or maybe a small piece they couldn’t remove in my surgery that time), but it was so tiny they couldn’t remove it, so now I had to be on constant check ups to see if it didn’t grow more. (Since it seemed like it wasn’t growing, im just being checked up constantly to see if it grows) She told me that she didn’t want to try removing it now (or ever if it doesn’t grow) because maybe they would have to remove my other ovary, which they didn’t want to of course, because this would cause me the menopause. I would have the menopause in my teenage years.

(which could happen if it grows more)

She got emotional because she was going through something similar (actually worse), she had something in her brain but she preferred not removing it because it was dangerous so she decided to be under constant observation. At that moment i wasn’t really paying attention to her, yes it was really sad, but I was thinking about how I just wanted all of this to end. I mean, I wanted the tests and things to stop. I actually liked not going to school because I had to go to the hospital and stuff, but it’s tiring too.

I wanted to tell her that I didn’t feel the same as her, I didn’t care about having my ovary removed and going through menopause and taking hormones, I guess I just didn’t care or just… i don’t know.

I kind of forgot about it, I mean, I didn’t care because I got used to this things.

(16 now)

I only started feeling sad about all of this “probable menopause and fucked up uterus” since I had a weird interaction with my brother and mother some days ago.

I was in the kitchen eating with my brother while my mom was doing the dishes, and we were talking/joking about when we grow up, she said she wanted grandchildren. I thought about making a joke about how her bloodline would end w us bc I don’t want to have kids, so before making the joke, I asked him if he wanted to have children when he is an adult (he is younger than me, 12, I know he obviously doesn’t know about his future but it was just for the joke) and I said I obviously didn’t and that I was sure.

He looked at me with the most serious expression, and said “Of course you don’t, because you can’t.” (referring to my current medical situation) with a very serious tone and it was so obvious he wanted to hurt me.

I don’t remember my reaction, i certainly didn’t say anything bad back to him, I do remember that I wanted to cry right there and then. I felt my heart crushing. I then stood up and left everything there and went to my room.

I cried a little then, but since that happened, I cry every time I remember about all of this. I literally am crying right now like a lot.

[pixiecaps]

i hope you're already asleep it's so late for you but on the topic of the finale ending honestly i understand why people are so upset by it, i think it royally sucks, but imo it was created entirely because they really needed some way to wrap things up and i think almost everyone would agree that it shouldn't have and wouldn't have ended that way had things been different and had the server not needed to end so abruptly.

like idk you KNOW i'm a canon compliant guy but for this thing specifically i genuinely don't consider it canon and think it should fully be ignored, and i think basically everyone involved would be fine with that. also honestly in my mind everything purgatory and after is non-canonical in that it shouldn't have happened either and the reset is definitely not canon so that makes it easier for me to ignore it completely. i think what players and admins stated about their characters is canonical within reason and otherwise i don't think any of it matters all that much because of how the server ended. like to me i know the reality is that that is how it ended and we don't have any other ending to go off of but because of the circumstances there's just no way i could consider it canon and i already spend all my time dreaming up ways to rewrite all the shit that happened before then, nevermind a garbage hastily written ending that only wrapped up one plot thread (the eggs) and didn't even do that correctly (it completely retconned so much about the eggs and i know a lot of lore got retconned and changed over time but it's particularly agregious).

idk where i'm going with this insane rant in your inbox i really don't i just wanted to give my thoughts on that ending and how i take it as a fandom creator because i often see people treating it like it was a legitimate ending even though they hated it and i'm like this is fandom!!! we can ignore it entirely!!! in fact many characters' endings explicitly defy that ending, that was just the way to wrap up the idea of the egg event in some way that made sense. i totally get people being upset by it, i was too, but i was also upset by the previous. five months? of stuff so i kind of can't be bothered to be annoyed by this particular thing.

again this is nonsensical i'm just saying i think we should all ignore it and i've been saying that since the day of bc it was just so obviously not the kind of ending that would've been written under different circumstances. let's all make up better endings forever and ever amen.

anyway hi pix if you're reading this in the morning i hope you got beautiful sleep and dreamt of snoopy and roier all night

hiii 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i was in fact asleep by the time you sent this:3

that was another point i discussed with someone els where yeah it sucked because they had to wrap it up and “tie everything together” so i agree on that. everything with the qsmp ending wouldve been different under different circumstances.

you’re incredibly real for not considering canon up to a certain point where everything got messy. i think since we’re both very canon compliant people you can understand where im coming from with that frustration and being irked by how everything played out. it was going so well and then 📉📉📉. and heres the thing you know how much i love purgatory okay cause i do but god its truly one of those events where it shouldve been explicitly uncanon i feeeeel. so much of the lore it introduced and everything clashed with everything we had already established and not informing the creators of anything was such a poor choice. but anyways you already know the whole rant.

i do appreciate the reminder of its fandom who cares. i live by that i just get Even More emotional when sleep deprived and was like wow fuck everything and this stupid fucking ending so thats why i made those posts kkkkkkkk. but ye GOOD REMINDERS ITS FANDOM ENDINGS ARE OPEN TO REWRITES AND OUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS!!!!!!!

i did get beautiful sleep ty bell<3333 i hope you got beautiful sleep as well<3333

[aardvaark]

the librarians "and the christmas thief" (s4e3) watch through:

patron saint of thieves (ie st nick... ie santa), leverage deja vu!

this has some kath & kim vibes - not sure if that’s intentional from the US writers but i hope it is. you might know kath & kim from this meme:

"did you just say - mum?" maybe they’re already working out what he means, but surely for like one second cassandra was thinking "what did you just call me?!?"

okay woah too many hilarious things just happened at once -

this exchange (plus them all running around the table lmaooo):

ezekiel: "they're my family, i'll sort it out, please!" cassandra: "i thought WE were your family!" ezekiel: "you’re a different sort of family. i like you guys!"

^ but re: the above, i love the fact cassandra's offended that he has another family... you know, the family he grew up with. which does make sense from her pov because both cassie & jacob very much have difficult relationships with their own relatives & the library is like their "main" family. she seems to have assumed it was the same way for ezekiel (after all, he's clearly not talked much about his mum & sisters). so she feels confused & a little betrayed even though all he's done is like. have a mother. lol. very much not his fault but i get why she's a bit upset

also love cassandra's incredibly convincing lie to eve, "i found it. the bottle opener. was in the bottle opener drawer. with the other bottle openers".

baird saying "bye, kids" LMAOOO.

ezekiel kissing cassandra on the lips (to which she looks grossed out lol) & about to do the same to jacob before getting pushed away

-AND lastly, ezekiel saying his mum lives just outside sydney & cassandra goes "that explains the accent". did you think he was just talking like that for fun

CASSIES HAIR

jacob knowing about thankstaking day for some reason??

cassandra giving ezekiel's mum a disturbed stare while she discusses stealing christmas presents, but also introducing herself politely & hugging her lol.

plot of the grinch

thank god for cassie. the one who noticed the globe was missing, now the one noticing the globe is on fire

thief worldbuilding. i feel like a lot of this is like the stuff they would've joked about behind the scenes in leverage ("crime world") but couldn't really add to a show that is mostly grounded in real life stuff. also i remember a society of thieves or something being mentioned much earlier on in this show, when representatives from the library and dragons and the fae etc all met up that one time. for some reason thieves are included in magical society lol.

wait if they frame that guy for stealing here, won't he get liquidated?? hope that blew over

its cool that we've seen the same show runners pick two very different sets of laser-avoidance styles for their thief characters lol. parker (leverage) doing the gymnastics type vs ezekiel basically dancing. both chosen to fit the characters im assuming (or in parkers case, to fit what she would have been trained by archie to do - a very classic thief style, according to tv at least lol).

LOL "ezekiel jones? THE ezekiel jones?" exactly like "parker? THE parker?"

well thats why thieves are in magical society ig! santas brother is canonically running the bank of thieves. okay

ezekiel was literally robin hood. and i like that he knows he's lucky and supports people who just didn't have that luck. also him talking about stealing as an art (which he's alluded to before), he really does simply have a passion.

"it has been my experience that behind every egotistical blowhard, there is a petulant, scared little boy"

ezekiel ultimately saying that his mum didnt just teach him greed but also very much generosity & kindness <3 idk family is complicated, people are complicated.

LMAO my very first thought was "wasn't it facing the other way?"

[mesetacadre]

what r ur thoughts on ppl in the third world that still benefit/rely on underpaid factory work for their solo businesses? im talking like legitimate one-person art shops who have to outsource stuff like stickers and prints or sculptural materials. im not rlly trying to defend them here or use this as a "gotcha" to your small business posts, im just curious on how to approach this since there a decent number of artists in my country that would react very strongly to anything implying that small businesses suck, probably something along the lines of "well we cant really get our supplies from anywhere else"

We can continue to make up increasingly specific examples of oppressed people doing small businesses or get down to the essence of this discussion, which is that marxist criticisms of capitalist exploitation does not hinge on moral judgements of individual people. Me or any other comrade saying that small businesses are still exploitative and that in most cases rely on even more explotative labor under the framework of imperialism is not a moral statement of "the people who do these things are irredeemable monsters who should be shot", it is a scientific evaluation of the exploitative nature of salary work and the (inescapable!) imperialist supply chain.

Your class character does not determine your morality or value as a person; just like workers can be "class traitors" in the sense of acting in the interests of the capitalist class, so can individual capitalists (more often small ones) act in the workers' interests. But marxist politics are not about individual actions, they are about the omnipresent class struggle and how to navigate towards the victory of an entire class.

Besides the fact that most artists wouldn't qualify under the label of petit-bourgeois (they don't employ workers and sell their labor to someone, even if that someone is not a regular employer), if those artist friends of yours react strongly to an anti-small business statement it's because they believe in the small-business, "entrepreneur" propaganda in which basically all capitalist states coat their workers in. They either wish to join the ranks of the petit-bourgeois, which is not a respectable wish anyway, or they already, actually, are. But again, in any case we are not attacking individual small capitalists or artists, we are attacking the infrastructure of capitalism, and that includes small businesses.

The flip-side to that "there is no ethical consumption under capitalism" slogan that got so popular some years back is that there is also no ethical way to organize production under capitalism. The meaning of these kinds of statements is that we should let go of the idea of being the perfect, pure, anticapitalist. Participation in the system does not condemn anyone, we are all born into it. The only thing left to do is to organize the working class and lead the class struggle.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[bloodybreakupscene]

𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐄.

tom holland! peter parker x reader

-> so uh basically flash makes fun of peter and is like "embarassinggg 😳!!" so he runs out the cafeteria like a disney channel character but u comfort him l8r so it's okay

-> wrote this while i was in sugarland texas!! it was so much fun :3 n e ways im so hungry (　；∀；) and i want a fruit smoothie

"peter look! there they are!" ned pointed, hinting peter towards your presence at the table across from theirs.

"shh! keep your voice down, what if they hear you?" peter said, shoving ned's arm down.

"they probably heard you already." mj rolled her eyes.

"no way, we're pretty far. . . right?" he asks, half rhetorical and half serious. mj ignores it and ned laughs. "don't worry pete! I'm sure they love you already, you just don't know it_!"

peter lays his head down on his arm and absentmindedly stares at you, you were talking with your friends sitting at a semi occupied table, hand swirling around a straw that was inside your chocolate milk carton. there was only one person he recognized sitting next to you and it was flash.

"penis parker! something you wanna say to us or what?"

speaking of flash, peter's lovestruck face falters and is replaced with a confused one. he noticed that each and every one of the people in your small friend group were staring at him, including you. his face immediately flushes as you both make eye contact.

"is he gonna say anything?" one of your friends mentions to you.

"how about you leave us alone, flash, he's not hurting you." mj defends, frankly tired of flash's behavior over the years.

"exactly, it's not even you he's staring at!" ned attempts to defend. peter and mj really don't know how to respond to that other than a shocked and 'oh my god i can't believe you just said that what the hell ned' look.

the table collectively goes 'oooo' [ aside from you ] in a childlike manner, which embarrasses him even further. he wanted nothing more than to crawl underground and become one with the moles and dirt.

flash whistles, "damn then, who were you staring at." he eyes you, in which you glare at him, a silent message for him to not say what he's about to say.

"i think i know who it is, but you gotta help me out here man, who's got your—"

"flash shut up." you say, in a light tone, but stern enough for him to know that you were actually kind of serious.

"that confirmed it." he jokes, no one really paying attention to him anymore.

you shoot peter an apologetic look and he stares back at you, an unanalyzable expression painting his face. your group continues to discuss miscellaneous topics as his exponentially smaller trio try to comfort him. you save him the embarrassment by not sparing him any glances.

"it wasn't that bad of an interaction! at least they defended you."

"ned! it was your fault this happened in the first place!"

"nuh uh."

"it's okay guys, not that big of a deal." peter brushed off, "gonna do the restroom really quick, yeah." they look at him unconvinced but inevitably let him go. he sits outside the restroom near a water fountain.

embarrassing, is all he found that interaction to be. he just needed to be alone for a bit. what pissed him off was that it was a joke, he wasn't supposed to take it this seriously. it was worse that he walked out of the cafeteria feeling and looking stupid, at least in his mind.

"hi."

he looks up; oh shit it's you.

"oh, uh, hey."

"sorry about. .you know. .flash."

"it's fine, nothing i'm not used to!" he laughs slightly, ignoring the fact that he is most definitely not used to flash's bullying just yet.

"well uh, whatcha' listening to?" you sit next to him on the floor.

"oh just, generic stuff, i guess, here." he hands you one of his earbuds, blush apparent on his face. you smile as you put in your ear as you guys share your different tastes in music, eventually spending your whole lunch period together.

[mousesquared]

Hi! How did you realize you were aplspec? I'm questioning myself and am having such a hard time figuring it out lol...

(disclaimer that all of this is my personal experience and i dont speak for all aplspec people) oh also im gonna be saying i/me but this realization was a mix of mouses and mine (toby)

prepare for a long one cause i like to talk a lot i guess

i think it kinda hit me when i really thought about platonic attraction. im aroace and so dont experience romantic or sexual attraction and so thinking of a platonic version of that was a bit confusing. there were only a couple people i could remember feeling a pull towards to either be their friend or be closer as friends. with other friends it just kind of happened? they were someone i talked to about similar interests or in groups with mutual friends and a friendship just happened because of that. i didnt have a goal or pull to specifcally to try and get closer to them, it just happened because of where we hung around.

i know not all alloplatonic friendships are built on an urge to be friends or closer friends, but i do think my experience of it is in an aplatonic(spec) way. there is also the part where i dont specifcally have an urge to need close friends. i of course enjoy it when i do. but when i realized i was aplspec i only had like 2 past friends that i still occasionally texted but we were super distant. i didnt really miss an emotional bond with someone, i just wanted to talk to people. i was lonely in the sense that all my thoughts were having to be kept inside by head with no way out. and when i seeked out a place to talk about them, thats where friendships formed. i didnt join that community in order to get close friends, i just wanted discussion.

most of the time when it comes to friends, i am seeking the activity, the action, the nonloneliness. it is nice to have people fufilling that with me that i like! but with friends i have a really hard time gauging steps in relationships. i have been known to either talk to someone for a very short time and all of a sudden regard us as very close and i have been known to talk to someone and be friends with them for years, and then not consider them as close as they consider me. the latter isnt usually about me not liking them as much as others, i just dont realize how they view our friendship and have trouble gauging that kind of stuff for myself. i think that comes from just having trouble gauging how people see me in general. personally i think thats an autism thing but it affects my aplatonicism so its also an aplatonic thing!

i also think that i view friendship as like a complete separate step than just talking to someone a lot. that may seem like a contradictory thing to what ive said before. but the fact that i seek talking to people and interacting with others, thats why i was ok with not really having friends for a stretch of time. struggling with gauging friendship makes me see friendship as something that has to be kind of barrier you eventually cross instead of it just building up. i often dont realize when we cross that barrier and of course the other person doesnt feel the need to express it because we are already friends in their eyes. i am often hit with the "oh i guess we are friends now" thought. even with the few people i have felt platonic attraction to.

so TLDR: i realized platonic attraction is actually a thing, and most of the time i dont have an actual pull to be friends/closer with people. i dont usually seek the companionship of friends, usually just the sociable & activity doing aspect. i care about my friends but i dont view my care for them as a platonic attraction. i also have trouble gauging relationship levels with people and often dont realize we are friends until they say something or i realize im spending a lot of my time with them. (reminder that im aplspec, not 100% aplatonic too!)

[toxifoxx]

ok serious thoughts on the fnaf movie this time. they're a little scattered but i did just see it so i gotta think on it some more before i give like an actually structured review. but immediate thoughts post-viewing:

i had fun with the movie! i thought it was enjoyable. was hoping for at LEAST a little more blood (i really wanted to see william fucking explode into blood for one) but i knew there wasn't gonna be much since its pg13. it wasn't scary like in the slightest except for 1 jumpscare that almost kind of got me but i wish they set up the atmosphere a little bit more.

MAJOR GRIPE. i hate that vanessa is related to william. please stop retconning the afton family scott pretty please. give that man his dead children back. i seriously seriously love the "man goes fucked up sicko mode because of his grief" trope but alas.

i think that the pacing is NOTTTT very good at all. william needed more screen time 100% and there wasn't that great of a build up to the climax. maybe its more impactful to people who didn't already know that steve is william, but i'd wager that they're probably like HUH WHUH??? at that reveal because its not really. set up that much. and yes im biased because i fucking love william ok.

i think matthew lillard did a great job, BUT... we barely got to see him at all! and, especially with the "i always come back line..." i cringed a little bit man. like what are you coming back from? you haven't died yet man. there's nothing to come back from yet tf are you yappin about. it felt like it was really shoved in there honestly. we DESPERATELY needed to see more of him! in fact, most of the characters needed more set up! like ok... mike lost his brother? why should i care. mike is gonna lose his sister? why should i care tho?? these kids died but they dont really seem like they care too much about being dead either so whats the big deal.

AND WHY DIDN'T THE KIDS HAVE BEEF WITH WILLIAM/THE YELLOW RABBIT. THEY CLEARLY WERE SHOWN TO KNOW HE KILLED THEM, BUT THEY DON'T TURN ON HIM UNTIL ABBY PUTS UP HER SHITTY LIL DRAWING? FOR REAL????? WHY? + THEY DONT EVEN GET NAMED AT ALL. THE MOVIE CARES SO LITTLE ABOUT THE KIDS AND YET THEY DONT EVEN ALLOCATE THAT TIME TO AFTON EITHER. THEY FUMBLED BOTH SIDES!

also a lot of stuff just kind of isn't resolved? like the mike vs his aunt thing. is his aunt dead or...? + what was the fucking freddy saw trap thing that doesn't get explained at all. did the police not see that or does william just lug that thing in and out of the building constantly. what's it even for.

im also curious about some things. whats up with that kid who had a midnight motorist shirt. whats up with the other random springlock animatronic that is never named nor do we get a full look at. Where's Henry. are we just straight up ditching henry this time around?

i came into this knowing it wouldn't be lore accurate nor gory because of the rating but ugh. Ughhhh. can we please settle on one fnaf timeline to be canon its been almost 10 years we don't needa be playing like this anymore bro. i want to see the afton family for REAL show me cc getting his fuckin head chomped off or elizabeth getting snatched. give us literally any of the original missing children give us cassidy or something. like even in the silver eyes at least we got henry ffs! it just makes me a little sad knowing that one of the rejected scripts WAS accurate to the game lore.

shout out to my homie @yellowbutterbear for seeing the movie with me and discussing this stuff with me 🔥

6/10 not enough william afton moaning and whimpering AMEN!!!

[estbela]

Just saw your post and was wondering if you have any SerbRo headcanons?

Yes. A lot. I'm so normal about them (lying). Although they might change and stuff, since I'm still working on my Serbia OC and stuff. At the moment he's mostly just vibes (and not that different from other serbia OCs anyway). Also the moment anyone asks me about anything I tend to forget anything Ive ever thought but I'll try.

Prepare for a lot of rambling. And for possibly regretting asking me this haha. Im also sleep deprived, as usual, so hopefully everything makes sense.

They're childhood best friends. I don't know exactly when they met, but they definitely met when they were children, and so they were best friends ever since.

Serbia was like...I think one of Ro's first friends? Besides Bulgaria. I think, in a way, they were both lonely wild children who were considered outcasts. In part for being nations, in part because they were both often disobedient and stuff, and thus were "bad kids".

They were such troublemakers as kids, and tbh, they still are. Whenever theyre together you gotta prepare for trouble.

they were both huge francophiles during the 19th century, I think. Idk I just picture them bonding about that.

They get along like a house on fire. They also might have lit up a couple of houses on fire together. What's a little arson between friends? :)

They're both animal lovers! It's also one of the things they bonded about when they first met(I can just imagine them being kids and telling eachoter all the animal facts they know). If they lived together it'd be them and a house full of animals I'm guessing.

They bully Bulgaria together. <3

Anyway more about their relationship.

they...understand eachoter. Understand eachoter so deeply. They know things about eachoter that almost no one else does. They talk about anything(like their interests and such), and about shit they would never be brave enough to discuss with anyone else. Show sides of themselves they didn't even know they had.

Yet they've never truly discussed...the fact that they might be more than friends. Or well, it took them a really long time of knowing eachoter to do so.

They're kindred souls. Also slightly codependent in the way, that they've grew up together, and went through so many things together, and even when they were alone, they still had eachoter. They're kind of inseparable at this point.

Yet, they can go on pretty long times of not talking to eachoter, but then they meet again and it's like...nothing really happened. They immediately pick where they left off. Thought, if they were to ever truly lose eachoter they would not deal with it well At All.

Anyway they both eventually have The Realisation, when theyre like teenagers. For Serb, I think it's maybe in the 16th century. I think...it's not exactly one moment that makes him realise it, but rather, multiple moments of just. Not wanting to be anywhere else in the world than with Ro. Just softly looking at him and having so much fun together.

For Ro...it's much of the same, although more reluctant, in some way. He doesn't really wanna fall in love. Something she learns early on in his life is that love between nations is tricky and often ends badly, and she's already got A Thing going on with Bulgaria.

They actually have their first kiss earlier thought. They're young teens, like maybe 13, or a little more, or less. It's the 14th century and theyre both curious about that kinda thing, and wanna practice for when they'll have a relationship.

And so they do eventually figure if out as I said, and they never talk about it, never say it aloud, but they Know. They know, and even if the both of them act so brave and confident most of the time, like they always know what they're doing, in things such as battle and in general facing enemies, they are afraid. Cause at the end of the day they are young and terrified that if they admit their love aloud it might twist and burn, or worse, it might be used against them, and then they'd lose their best friend.

But I think they do things that some ppl might consider to be of a romantic nature, like kissing and making out and cuddling and holding hands. Theyre both so touch starved, and even if Serb doesn't wanna admit it, he's even more clingy than Ro is. And everyone is kinda used to it cause thats just how Ro & Serb are like.

And like. Realising they love eachoter romantically, does not really change their dynamic cause they were already doing all of this stuff before.

Also, from the outside it might look like they make eachoter worse, but somehow, they manage to make eachoter better.

Their first kiss as teens, after The Realisation, was initiated by Ro.

and theyre not really children anymore but sometimes it feels like theyre two kids again, staring at the stars, talking about nothing in particular, as if they were the only things they mattered. They weren't nations, or well, they were, but sometimes they could almost forget that.

I think they do eventually talk about It. They're both shit at feelings, with Ro being slightly more emotionally intelligent i guess. In the 19th century, because their thing that's neither nothing or something was driving both of them a little insane. And they kinda get in an on and off relationship, but they dont use that word.

As far as anyone is concerned, theyre best friends. Best friends who perhaps aren't simply platonic, who have shared more than just friends ought to. But the fact is, calling eachoter best friends is not untrue, because that's what they are, thought they are also lovers.

And they have loved other people, and still continue to do so.

I guess they might try to not be too close, at least nto in public, when one of them is in a relationship of the monogamous kind, and theyre also the first person they go to after a break up.

Back to the understanding eachoter thing. I think they'd be willing to forgive eachoter for a lot of things, even if both of them are usually really petty(especially Serb). They'd also be willing to do things for eachoter they'd rarely do for others. Theyd kill for eachoter tbh.

I know this is very random and very different in tone after everything Ive talked about but they have a height difference and it's so cute. Serbia is like. 180 something centimeters while Ro is barely 170 cms shdhdhdhs. Anyway it's adorable.

Songs that make me think of them: Bad Idea from the musical Waitress, You don't need to love me from If/Then, Across the Overpass by the Solids...and way more that I cant remember.

And that's...not all. But all that I can remember at the moment cause my memory is shit. And woah, I talked so much about them dhdjddjdj. It's like the first time i ever get to ramble about them to anyone (besides one of my friends)

[sqvar3w4ve]

the whole 1975 thing pisses me off. people cant seem to comprehend that this isnt some black and white situation where its just homophobia because its so much more than that. i couldnt care less if he jacked off on stage, the problem is that he did this in a country thats incredibly queerphobic and because of that is incredibly strict on what bands can play here and what they can and cant do/say. We malaysians don't get alot od international bands as is, so bands like this and the strokes coming here of all places in our shit hole country is huge. but him saying and doing all that did this:

- cancelled the entire event because our government caught wind of it and shut it down after the first night when it was supposed to go on for 3

- probably made the rules and restrictions for bands to play here even tighter

- made other bands hesitant to play here

- maybe even tightened up the laws on queer people here in general, even more worse than they already are

- possibly put a lot of queer malaysians in general in danger because if the pigs suddenly decided to investigate the event further and question the organisers or people who attended and those people happened to be queer and they found out? theyre going straight to jail because that's how queer people are treated here by our government

yeah there are a good chunk of people here angry purely because of homophobia, that fact isnt something that can be denied or glossed over. but the most important thing here is the queer people that are gonna be put in danger. we're already consistently used as a political scape goat. but now we've finally started to take baby steps in the right direction of progress after finally electing the first pm in our history thats leftist (when in reality he's centrist at best) and now with how matty healy behaved and what he said, our governments fear of queer people have been confirmed and we might be in even more hot water. they've already discussed about making being queer a mental illness and this might give them the push to confirm everything.

what he did did nothing but do bad. we didnt need some white guy to tell us how oppressed we are, how queer people are ridiculed discriminated and abused, trust me buddy, we've lived here all our lives, we know, we dont need any white saviour telling us this.

people will scoff at countries like Malaysia because of how queerphobic it is and simply throw any empathy and kindness out the window, but people seem to forget that this queerphobia exists for a reason. the queerphobia here exists because WE exist, because WE QUEER MALAYSIANS EXIST. it doesn't just exist just because, they're hateful of us because we are here, they're hell bent on getting rid of us because we are here.

I've seen some people say "then just don't get international bands" why? why dont we get to have the opportunity to see the bands we like? why dont we get to have fun? what makes so inherintly lesser that we dont get to indulge in stuff like this like people from other countries do? we already are barred from being openly queer, is it so much to ask that we just want to have a good time by seeing bands we love? do we not deserve that just because people think our government and the shit heads here represent our entire country, acting like theres absolutely no queer communities here constantly fighting for our right to exist? is that why people think so lowly of us?

queer malaysians are now in danger and our progress have been set back 50 steps thanks to matty healys "activism". I understand that he did it in good faith, but it just came off as entitled, privileged and selfish, especially with how he handled it after the fact.

if you're here to argue or insult me on this post, dont bother, im blocking you. im not wasting my time.

[kkoct-ik]

kottik i think ive already said it before but i SO so appreciate your perspective and attention to detail with dissociative stuff. trying to wade through scattered info on the internet for reliable resources feels like an impossible task sometimes lol so having the DID writing guide + your alter worksheet definitely helps a lot! 

feedback on the guide itself: i loved it!!! the only parts i didn’t personally find relatable were the parts discussing later stages of healing/recovery (since im not quite there yet) and some of the functional neurological symptoms, but everything else felt like it was describing my own journey and experiences with DID perfectly. i also really appreciated the section on amnesia and different types of dissociation, plus the lesser known symptoms, since a lot of the time i see conflicting and confusing info on that + i feel like a lot of writers who try to write DID and describe how amnesia feels miss out on that stuff and just skim webmd or something for their info. and honestly even in online And offline discussions of DID ive seen other people try to describe how it really works and feels and its… not always described well lmao . but that’s a whole other can of worms etc

i think, though it’s just a writing resource, it was also very affirming to see it all laid out like that. like Oh shit yeah i do all of that. that’s my life on the page!!! the whole time i read it i was like ‘i knew this stuff already, but i never knew how to explain it properly.’ and it’s definitely the kind of thing i wish id been able to see when i first started noticing my symptoms. many years of misinfo and confusion have messed w my perception of myself n my disorder for a long time so it feels like a breath of fresh air to see someone else pushing against that and actually doing their research to try and clear things up. not to mention how clear your descriptions are + how easy it is to comprehend your explanations, while still being concise and to the point. so great work!!! 5 star rating, will definitely be recommending it to others :3 hope to see more from you + hope that it helps others write cool stuff!

i missed this ask!!!! sorry for missing this yesterday

thank you!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa. im so glad. so happy yaaaay

yeah, i definitely relate with the struggling to articulate experiences, being muddled by things online, and feeling like other people really dont quite get it when trying to represent whats going on. it makes me happy i can help with that!!

i feel like i'm in a good place that i've read a Lot of DID & CPTSD lit and i've been stabilising in treatment (processing some stuff, working on myself, getting a better understanding of therapy practice). i think it's given me a lot of perspective on my disorder that i wouldn't really have otherwise, and that a lot of people might not have either.

(rambling...)

cuz yeah. i think trying to understand DID on the internet is a monumentously difficult task. on one hand, you have personal accounts from people with DID, and on the other, you have doctors and generic websites. both don't quite give a full or reliable picture.

if you try to understand DID by listening to individuals, you're vulnerable to being incredibly confused and misled. and most of the time it's not intentional - it's hard to communicate what your symptoms are when you think half of it is normal and the other half is conflicted and fragmented - but it can give others very strange ideas about what the condition operates like at large.

it might also seem respectful to take everything we say at face value, but that ends up meaning that our flawed / misguided perceptions of ourselves and our symptoms become solidified as fact. we are mentally ill, we are not necessarily educated, and are a patient base prone to daydreaming and suggestion. we can get things wrong, and we can emphasise the wrong things.

when people take our unreliable accounts as fact (vivid recounts of psuedomemories, venting about feeling like seperate people, or expressing any number of mistaken symptoms), our experiences can start to sound like fantasy. suddenly DID sounds like a disorder you could not fathom having or ever truly understand, rather than a disorder that is simply inherently confusing to live with.

that said, if you try to avoid that by learning about DID soley through medical accounts and websites, you will only ever hear about reported symptoms, the most extreme & notable case studies, patient observations, and generic criteria, leaving a Lot to fill in the gaps (when you try to deduce what it feels like to live with it / be in our brains), that leads to other kinds of inaccuracies.

(for my health i'm not even going to try to touch on hollywood and online influencers that sensationalise the condition for clicks and thus dominate the algorithm. but obviously they are a factor too. pop culture is a powerful thing.)

the internet is a mess! and while not everything that is misleading is untrue, it can be very easy to just, not quite get it, or misunderstand things fundamentally, in any number of ways.

so yeah, it makes me happy that between my life experience, therapy, and obnoxious amount of pages read, i can actually make what goes on somewhat digestible. i want to help contextualise medical criteria, pull out relevant snippets, and point people to some really good resources.

it's not to say i'm a spokesperson or expert. i am very much just a huge nerd who happens to suffer from a disorder and is very invested in understanding myself. but the positive feedback does reassure me that i haven't gotten anything heinously wrong.

ty again :)) yaayy

[vyladromeave]

04 and 08 for the ask game?

04. what are your favorite episodes/scene?

I've answered this one already here, but why not list another ep i like? I still go back to S1 Ep 68 pretty often!! It's one of the last episodes we're given where Garroth is written well imo, but he REALLY shines in this episode. I really love how Laurance and Garroth's dynamic is handled, + we get our first hints of Shadowknight-hood affecting Laurance more, AND we even get quite a bit of Garte stuff/overall politics things that I find very interesting!

This is honestly the golden era of S1 to me, and some of my favorite bits of how they handled storytelling like, mechanically. (Having the NPCs unpromptedly just start going off at eachother was very cool. Very rarely did NPCs have conversations with eachother that weren't facilitated by Aphmau before that point.) ITS A GOOD EPISODE! The back half is a little boring, it was definitely like that because Jess spent all her energy making the front half cool, but the front half WAS very cool, so I can excuse it.

08. alternatively, what's a dynamic you really want to see in canon?

THIS IS AN EVIL EVIL QUESTION BECAUSE THERE ARE SOOOOO MANY. lets just get Vylad and Literally Everyone down just to start. this is a joke but also not.

Vylad and Emmalyn (their intense irene discussions. Vylad obviously has some sort of academic knowledge of irene judging by the fact that he knows about Irene's Dimension on his own, and brings it up as a thing Zane would do BEFORE Aphmau can explain it. I think it would be cool for Emmalyn to have scholalry discussions around Irene with someone who also has that knowledge)

Vylad and Dante (Oopse Gene Sucks Hope We Dont Bond Over This. It makes sense in canon why Aphmau discouraged their meeting because she didn't want Dante to freak out about more shadowknights and she doesn't know about the dynamic between Vylad and Gene very well, but also I think hearing that validation would be very good for both of them considering Gene is literally gaslight king #1. There aren't a lot of people who can relate to being hurt by him directly who are also able to tell the tale.)

Vylad and Katelyn (HER SEEING JEFFORY IN HIM IS SOOOO INTERESTING AND THEN THE ONLY THING IT EVER EVEN KIND OF GOT USED FOR WAS SHIPPING BAIT WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. theyre some of the two most Emotionally Congested characters there are itd be sooooo interesting to me if they like. they dont even have to talk about it. its fine. they can just hang out silently together. ok. they can vibe together. i think they would enjoy that. please.)

and for some non-vylad options so that I'm not just talking about him for the rest of this post: Dante and Zoey NEEED to have a bigger dynamic with eachother considering they were the big Stayed Behind For 15 Years guys and barely anything ever comes from it im so mad

Zianna and Aphmau is a dynamic that can really only be explored in a post-S2 timeframe. but i think would be very cute :) I can see Zianna being very motherly towards Aphmau (or mother-in-law if thats the kind of thing ur a fan of) when she finds out that Aphmau doesn't have/remember having a figure like that in her life already. + I think Zianna would respect Aphmau a lot as being both a responsible lord and a mother herself. I think the two of them would get along very well :)

Similar to above in regards to timeframe, I think Travis and Garroth would be a fun dynamic to explore. Garroth strikes me very much as a "I Can't Hate Them, They're Family" kind of guy just cuz thats what he was taught growing up, despite having an undeniably negative relationship with people like Zane and Garte. Travis being so openly a #dadhater would help Garroth work out some of his own issues regarding how he feels towards members of his own family. And from Travis' pov, Garroth gets built up a lot over the course of S2, and hearing all these tales and stories only to meet him in person and discover he's kind of just a nervous wet cat of a guy is very funny.

(ask prompts from here!)

[disabled-stuck]

HI ITS ME CHRONIC PAIN ANON BACK AGAIN... here's my thoughts on who of the human cast is Aware That They Have Chronic Pain Issues. srry ppl were discussing and im like, Wow, Time For Me In Hc Central

june's issues start to really develop and get bad post-game (in my headcanons), so for a long period of time she literally has no one to talk to about it bc she's self-isolating. she eventually tells nannasprite about it when nanna is guilt-tripping her into getting up (nanna voice: Whatever works, hoohoo!), and nanna is like. this is my only granddaughter. i will do whatever i can for her. (i love june & nanna's dynamic. could u tell.) jasprose also is like GIRL!!! You Are In Pain!!! nanna & jasprose team up of the century to get june egbert to Acknowledge Her Problems

dave NO clue NO idea WILL not talk about it. maybe EVENTUALLY tells karkat about it but i don't think she ever seeks out a diagnosis or tries to get one. hes got old ingrained trauma about seeing doctors, which is something he's trying to get over, but like, he already has 4 bajillion other things to unpack about his childhood and healthcare systems are not historically good about chronic pain, a dismissal of their symptoms might set them back in that regard. they're just homebrewing this shit for now.

rose: yeah, she knows. she doesn't talk about it in those terms, though. instead of saying "i have a horrible migraine and cannot get out of bed" she tells kanaya to text the gc that she's afflicted by the Broodfester Woes and cannot join them this evening. theyve sort of picked up by now what that means but she thinks it's funnier this way.

jade: HMMM. i think she put herself through her denial paces but actually i think going grimbark essentially caused her to not feel her chronic pain (a side effect of condy's semi-control over her body), and when she got shunted back into her body she had to face the reality where she DIDNT hurt all the time like wow thats how ppl normally feel? what the fuck????

jane: oh absolutely fucking not does not know. unlike jade, his pain got WORSE during crockertier. yet it still takes literally two decades for him to finally acknowledge that his stuff is NOT normal and the fact that her whole friend group has chronic pain doesn't help, which kind of sucks. jane voice: well sometimes i can get out of bed when i have a headache and rose can't, so clearly its not the same (as if jane doesn't force himself out of bed even when he really shouldnt!!!). roxy has to be the one to tell him.

roxy: yeah she knows it's chronic pain. she's been worried about getting cirrhosis for years, and so has been keeping up to date on her physical health as a result. she figured it out pretty quickly after a couple flareups. trickster mode made it worse for her.

dirk: hal has been telling him for YEARRRRRRRRS that his carpal tunnel is just that, carpal tunnel. and yet. AR: Dirk, if you do not take better care of yourself, you are never going to be capable of building me a body of my own. TT: 1. I'm fine. 2. I'm not building you a body anyways, so the point is moot. anyways he accepts it during the game bc he's like you know what. might as well admit it to myself. good thing, too, because it only gets worse after a couple decapitations.

jake: has pretty much always known, deep down, but like. she lives on an ISLAND. the hell is he going to do about it? no, better not to think about it. someday they'll be able to deal with it, but that day isn't today, and theres so much to do. so he represses it DEEPLY. normal action hero jake english doesn't have chronic pain, of course. she's a heroic manly lead, after all... (the deconstruction of that mindset sort of makes them acknowledge it, though.)

ANYWAYS I JUST RAMBLED AT YOU FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED WORDS HOPE U HAVE, A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/WHAT EVER

YYAYYY no you're so good nonnie thank u forever and ever

[skitskatdacat63]

In true tradition, here are my thoughts on my drawings, because it was in fact: 7 AM

Okay so Fernando I is, as stated, super ostentatious. Why? Because it fits him but also because it's based on the real life guy. In all the paintings I could find of Philip V, in most of them he is wearing at least some kind of armor, and if not, is dressed pretty dramatically imo. And I will not be drawing a full set of armor, but it felt a bit weird to leave it our entirely so. Also historically I do think it's so interesting he was portrayed this way, since he was described as someone who was "only interested in outward decorum and brave only in battle."(again: how fernando coded hahaha)

See! Super dramatic! Also I made this meme that is only comprehensible to me

Seriously, why is he pointing in half of his paintings???? I couldn't find a concrete answer so I will give my personal analysis 😤 I like to think that it's symbolism for how he's always moving forward, like "here's will I go will go next!" ....or the artists just couldn't figure out what to do with his hands, I feel the struggle.

Oh also important to note!! His heels!! I am obsessed with this fashion detail from the time:

Nandopoleon is super important to me, it's why @sweatyflytrap and I became friends in the first place 🥺🥺🥺 so it felt very surreal to draw him because I've been thinking about him for a while. I want to make an actual web weave with quotes lined up with Fernando's career, or stuff comparing their personalities. Or draw him recreating one of the iconic paintings(probably the one with Napeoleon crowning himself emperor, I think it's fitting.) But to draw him in that classic pose, im very happy :)

And as I said already, Hussars are very fun to draw because it is such a general AU. The joy of it is more about figuring out how to incorporate the details of the real life racesuits to the uniform. If I didn't only primarily love to draw Fernando and Seb, i would be like "request a driver for the Hussar AU!" But I don't know how well that would go 😭

Anyways end of post. I think the reason why I've been feeling a lot more creatively driven and passionate is because it's a lot easier to draw so much when you know other people will be interested/want to discuss it with you! I used to have a friend that I would talk a lot about my OCs with, and guess what, back then I drew a lot more of them than I do now. It's not that I need outside validation to draw, I draw plenty for myself, but more that it makes me feel more happy about it, because I know that I'll get to talk about it with other people and see other people's thoughts, rather than just me being the sole participant. As you guys know, I like to talk. A lot. So it's very nice for it not all to be in my head(I am crazy) 😭😭 So thank you to everyone for your continued interest <3 you sustain me 🥺🥺

[murky-tannin]

Oh my God thank you for finally saying it. im gonna be honest, i have begun to hate the fact that politics were even introduced to qsmp at all like. a LOT. It was so just extremely unnecessary and i cannot even understand why they thought it would work on an International Server of all things; politics are such a genuinely serious and touchy part of everybody's day to day life and then combining that with the massive culture clashes in politics of this being an international server is. Bad! Politics do not belong on this silly mc server it just like I just kind of think the whole thing sucks!! I don't think any of the things the political element has introduced to qsmp has been interesting, only mediocre at best and annoying and frustrating at worst.

and it also annoys me, like you said too, about how q!forever is now just introducing all these random things that make no sense and don't need to be on the server and don't serve anything for the story when all the election candidates said that wouldn't happen. I love qsmp but i think this all just sucks. id say id now just wish for a revolution and anarchy arc but. We'll never fucking get that because twitter users and twitch chatters can't behave like normal fucking people. Sigh

The way I see it qsmp already had politics. Good and interesting politics. It had a governing authority with heavy variety in how they would interact with those they governed + the large mystery. It had the Ordo and the developments the organization has gone through in terms of goals, execution of said goals, leadership, and of course it's relationship with the above governing authority.

While the community toxicity is a major strike against it as an idea, I think the elections/post elections as a concept themselves could be interesting If they Actually Remembered Anything They'd Discussed For Months instead of forgetting the minute Forever got elected. Yknow. All that stuff about how it's a supposed distribution of power actually meant to further consolidate the Federation's own? About how they've been perfectly fine as a commune with no figurehead and the governing force + all the laws have been nothing but harmful? YKNOW?????

Having characters mostly aware of these things and engaging with the presidential role through that lens would be unique and interesting. Instead we have "here are laws about furniture and waystones to vote on and also jail for some reason. And no one remembers why this is all stupid as fuck and not the point despite months of heavy discussion and hyper awareness." and it sucks. It just sucks. It's not fun to watch. It's exhaustively boring at best and frustrating at worst.

Also whoever came up with the system shouldn't have combined the meta with the presidential role. That heavily fucks with the roleplay and characters.

I don't even trust the creators to roleplay a revolution because they've forgotten why they don't like the presidential role in the first place. Generally when they talk about it they fall in the same category as ccForever. Just saying and doing tropes with no thought behind it. Which I don't hate the ccs for or anything- I'm pleasantly surprised by their rp in general and I guess it gave me too high expectations of them. It just sucks that it's such a major and central plot.

Anyways my optimism has completely crashed and burned sdfghjk