#the fact that he doesn't really look at her and probably feels too occupied with the search for her in the first gif breaks my heart tbh

[cerealbishh]

Just you and me, and I could be part of your world

[love-byers]

(warning: long)

we should talk more about mikes choice of words in the rink o mania fight, or rather the writers choice of words

"You basically sabotaged the whole day!!"

sabotage

in case you need a reminder of what sabotage means

deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct

mike is not just saying will was being a douche for moping, rolling his eyes, and barely talking. he's saying wills a douche because he's doing it on purpose. not even just on purpose either, he's saying will planned this. will wanted to ruin the day. mike thinks will was out to get him by withholding his friendship. obviously will wasn't doing any of this, he just moped because he felt brushed off by mike and was ignored (or so he thought).

that kind of behavior, thinking the consequences of his own actions are a planned attack against him, is very consistent with the way he acted in s3 when el dumped him and he blamed it on max.

we can connect this directly to mike's apology where he calls himself a self-pitying idiot. the self-pity is mike allowing himself to believe it's not his fault that his day sucked, that it's not his fault will is acting this way. deep down he knows it's his own fault by purposefully brushing will off at the airport, but he was being so self-absorbed and self-pitying that he convinced himself it wasn't.

"why is this on me?? why am i the bad guy??"

so lets go through this again, inferring from mike's own words.

when will left hawkins, he felt weird. he'd just spent the whole summer trying to be grown up and acting like he didn't care about dnd anymore, shutting will down and really hurting him in the process, so he probably feels embarrassed that he now feels the exact opposite. he enjoyed spending time with max, lucas, and dustin but it just wasn't the same without will. he missed will so badly that the fact that will was barely reaching out got to his head, and he felt too insecure to find out for himself. he didn't know if will felt the same way or if he was doing fine without mike, making lots of new friends and enjoying life. he was afraid he'd lost will. then here comes el with her letters saying how life is awesome and they have lots of friends. mike probably thought, oh now i'm DEFINITELY not telling him how i feel. the letter about will potentially liking a girl was the final straw. wow. so he's occupied with some girl and thats why he won't talk to me. so now mikes determined to not give will an inkling of an idea that he's bothered or that he cares. psh, mike could care less. maybe when will sees that mike totally doesn't care he'll feel like he screwed up and he'll be super nice to compensate and win mike back.

so mike gets to lenora and hey, will, i totally don't care about seeing you, see how i dodged your hug? i don't care. then he sees the painting. maybe it's not for someone he likes, maybe it's for me. here you go will, opportunity one to win back my affection.

"Uh, what's that?"

"Um, it's nothing, it's just this painting I've been working on."

"Cool."

operation-act like i don't care: EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FAILED.

LOOK at his face bro. he looks heartbroken.

from here on mike just got more and more annoyed. will isn't trying to win him back, he isn't compensating for the months of silence. he's acting sad. he's acting sad? he has the audacity to act sad after he made all these friends and left me behind?? no, this is not my fault, this is not on me. it gets under his skin in a way he can't ignore. those feelings of guilt and annoyance that will is causing mixed with his months worth of self pity and convincing himself he's not the problem leads him to another thought. he's doing this on purpose. he's punishing me. this was his plan all along. he's trying to ruin my day for no reason, because i clearly didn't do anything to deserve this.

then angela shows up and humiliates el and mike, for some insane reason, uses this as an excuse to express his anger to will, even though it had literally nothing to do with will.

"You should've told me she was having trouble."

"Well, I didn't know they were gonna be here, Mike."

"Yeah, but you knew she was having trouble for like a year and didn't tell me."

in WHAT world is this will's fault?? he had absolutely no idea el was lying until that day. and mike is blaming him? no, he's really not, he just wants a reason to express his anger without having to admit why he's angry.

"Well, I didn't know she was lying to you."

"Is that why you decided to be a douche to her all day?"

her. he's hiding behind el's name. psh, what? i don't care that you weren't talking to me, it's because of el.

el just got publicly humiliated and mike thinks now is the time to get on will and act like el's biggest problem was will not talking to her?? no way. he just doesn't want will to know that these are his feelings.

"I wasn't being a douche!"

this completely sets mike off. how dare will act all innocent after what he did to me all day? any part of him that was trying to hide that will's behavior is bothering him has been completely overridden. will purposefully withholding his attention from mike has pissed him off soooooo badly that he can't keep it to himself anymore or hide behind el.

"You were! You were! You were rolling your eyes, you were moping, you were barely talking you basically sabotaged the whole day!"

yup, thats right will. i know exactly what you're doing and i'm calling you out on it.

"Well she was lying to you, Mike! Straight to your face ever since you got here! And...and I've been a total third wheel all day it's been miserable. So sorry if I wasn't...if i wasn't smiling."

third wheel? really?

"Yeah, whatever man."

"Well what about us?"

"What?"

i imagine this is where mike shits himself. i mean he literally stops in his tracks. will is directly addressing what he'd been trying to hide his care for the whole time, them. all of a sudden after all these months, he cares about us? and it's poking at that weird feeling he had, like he missed will too much. like he was feeling too much.

"What, you're mad that I didn't talk to you? Seems like you've made it super clear you're not interested in anything I have to say."

"That's just not true."

mike says that so fast it's like a knee-jerk reaction. of course he cares what will has to say. all he's wanted all day, and all this time for that matter, was for will to talk to him. and will is blaming him?

"You called maybe a couple times. It's been a year, Mike. Meanwhile El has like a book of letters from you."

now mike's defense is kicking in. he feels like will is directly picking at that feeling. the weirdness. the fact that he feels differently for will than the rest of his friends, even his girlfriend.

"That's because she's my girlfriend, Will!"

"And us?"

now the alarms are going off. he knows something. "us" for will in this moment is just their friendship. "us" for mike is something more, because that's what's been brewing in him the whole time they've been apart. internalized homophobia in 3..2..

"We're friends! We're. Friends."

"Well, we used to be best friends!"

oh. he was just talking about our friendship. i was tweaking a little bit. and...ouch. will just officially said they aren't best friends anymore. and he's blaming it on mike. but mikes defenses are still up high.

"Well...well maybe you should've reached out more, I don't know! But why is this on me? Why am I the bad guy?!"

then will is lost for words, and he just look sad. and as mad as mike is, he hates seeing will that way.

i imagine the day or two between this and his apology, mike went over this fight in his mind multiple times. and the more he thought about it, the more he realizes, ah shit. i was way too in my head and this was completely one sided. will wasn't plotting against me, i just felt so bad for myself i convinced myself i did nothing wrong. all this because i thought he found new friends and i felt bad for myself. and now i've lost my best friend and made him feel like all of it is his fault. i have to let him know it's all on me.

tldr: mike is weird and gay.

[inlovewithquestionablecharacters]

Hello I don’t know if you’re currently taking requests but let me tell you. I need more about Milo. If you can. Like he became possessive with reader, jealous of everyone near her.

Milo X Reader: You belong to me

Warnings: Fighting, bar fight, bone breaking, drunk men, sleazy men, smut, dirty talk, dom x sub (kind of), dom Milo, possessive Milo, ass bitting, fingering, making out, penetration ( p in v), unprotected sex, pet names.

Word count: 3K

He's staring again, he knows he is. He also knows he shouldn't but he can't help it. Not when you look like that. You're at the edge of the bar sipping a drink Milo can't quite recognize. He's known you for years but he never noticed what your go to drink was. Perhaps it was because he had been too occupied pretending the pain in his leg wasn't killing him to care or maybe it was because it didn't really matter. He would never be the one to approach you, your favorite drink in hand as he flirted his way into your heart. You'd never made him feel undesirable. He didn't believe you had it in you to make someone feel something like that but you didn't have to, his brain did the work for you. Self loathing does wonders to one's confidence. 

Milo has been watching you for a little while now. You hadn't invited him to the bar. It had been a coincidence. He'd sauntered into the pub, his mind set on finding a pretty thing to take home. He needed to test the waters of his new powers and he wanted company to do it. A special kind of company. He had expected to find someone random, anyone who peaked his interest enough. He wasn't expecting to see you, in fact, it was the last thing he expected but he would be lying if the sight of you didn't ignite something inside him. 

He still hadn't worked up the courage to walk over. This would be the first you saw him like this. The first time he'd talked to you since the "change". It thrilled him but it also scared him. He wondered how you would react. Would you just stare or would you scream at him for his irresponsible actions? He wouldn't be able to take the look of disappointment on your face. He remembered when you first found out about Michele's unorthodox studies. You didn't  speak to the doctor for a week which to some may seem like a small amount of time but that's because they had never met you. They had never had the pleasure of being around you long enough to feel the radiant energy that seeped from you. His fear of your opinion glued him to his spot but it didn't stop him from admiring you. Milo had almost accepted the fact that, despite wanting with all his heart to whisk you away from this dingy bar, you'd probably go home alone. It wasn't until a man approached you that Milos mind changed. He watched the man stumble towards you with a drunken smile on his face. You shuffled slowly to the side trying to put a small distance between the two of you. Milos' hands clenched at his side, his features turning into a scowl as he watched the scene before him. He saw you let out an uncomfortable laugh before shaking your head in a polite no. Milo noticed the way the man's body language shifted at your actions radiating a sort of dangerous energy. Milo didn't like it at all. Before his mind could compute what he was doing his body moved in your direction, his legs moving in steady steps. Milo had gotten to you just as the man had reached out to grab your arm, his body working as a barrier between you and the man. You glanced up at Milo with a look of visible confusion on your face.

“There you are darling. Was wondering where you'd gone.”

“Milo…”

His name left your lips in a breathy whisper sending a chill down his spine.

“Hey asshole we were talking.”

“You know this guy?”

You shook your head timidly, your body moving closer to Milos as you searched for safety. Milo placed his hand on your arm before turning to look at the other man.

“You heard the lady. She doesn't feel like talking to you.”

“That is not what she said.”

“Yeah because she's too polite for that. Luckily for her i’m not, so i'll say what she’s really thinking.”

Milo paused for a moment, his ears picking up on the beating of your heart. It was a bit slower than it had been when he arrived but it was still faster than it should be. The heartbeat of someone who was afraid. The noise seemed to snap something inside Milo's brain, a sudden feeling of rage coming over him.

“Fuck off.”

You let out a small gasp at Milo's words, your fingers digging into his forearm. 

“Milo leave it, let's get out of here.”

He hated the way your voice shook as you spoke. He hated the fact that this man had gotten to you. He wanted to rip this neck open in front of this entire bar. He wanted to show them all that you were under his protection and that anyone that messed with you would have to deal with him. But the way you clung to him brought him out of his rage filled daze. He turned to look at you, his hands moving to push a stray hair behind your ear.

“Okay darling, if that's what you want.”

With one meaningful glance at the man Milo turned around, placing his hands on your hips as he guided you away from the bar and towards the door. You’d barely made it five steps when Milo felt something wet on his shoulder. He heard your scream of his name followed by the sound of glass shards falling to the ground. Milo didn’t give himself enough time to think before he pushed you away, his body turning around to face his attacker just as the man prepared himself to land a punch on Milo's face. His fist came in contact with Milo's body but not in the way he’d wanted it to. Instead of knocking into Milos cheek the man's hand found its way into Milos open palm, his eyes widening in fear as he made eye contact with the vampire. Milo twisted the man's arm, cracking the bone with ease. You watched with wide eyes as Milo tugged the man against his chest and whispered something in his ear before shoving him away. The man stumbled to the  ground using his unharmed hand to drag himself away from Milo in fear. Milo turned towards you, one hand pushing his hair back as the other reached for your arm. You let Milo drag you away from the bar, your legs moving quickly in order to keep up with his long strides. It was only then that you noticed he was walking without difficulty and without a cane. You stopped walking, your body freezing in the middle of the sidewalk causing Milo to stop as well. He turned to look at you, the anger in his features slipping away as he saw the fear on your face.

“Milo how are you…how did you-”

“It doesn't matter.”

“How the fuck can you say that? You just broke that guys like it was made of fucking paper!”

You glanced down at his legs.

“And you're walking like it's no problem.”

“What a big deal? People do that everyday.”

“Well you're not like most people Milo! You’re-

“What? A sick man? A weakling? A good for-”

“Stop it! I’d never call you any of that and you know it you jerk!”

You turned your face away from Milo, your hands going to wipe away the tears that had started to fall from your eyes. Milos' shoulders sagged at the sight. You just been through hell and here he was yelling at you like you were in the wrong. He called out your name, making you turn to look at him. Your lip shook slightly, making you bite on it in an attempt to look strong.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Please forgive me.”

He opened his arms to you with a silent request for a hug. You waited for a second before letting your body collide into Milos. He pulled you as close as he possibly could, burying his face into your hair. He listened as your heartbeat calmed down, a small sigh leaving your lips.

“Thank you.”

“Gotta be able to protect what’s mine.”

The words left Milos' lips with little effort. It wasn't until he felt your body tense that he noticed what he had said. He waited in silence, trying to see how you’d react. You shifted against him, lifting your head so you could look into his eyes. When you met his gaze and  saw the primal like expression in them your breath caught in your throat. You had no idea what had happened to him. Even though he looked the same as he always had there was something different about the way he looked at you. He looked at you like he was a lion and you were a juicy piece of meat. And though it startled you it also sent a thrill down your spine.

“What’s yours hum?” 

Your hand trailed down Milos chest fingers running over the clothes ridges of his abs.

“Yes…”

“And what do you do with what’s yours?”

He couldn't take it anymore. Not with the way your body felt warm against him and the way you bit your lips as you spoke. Milos lips crashed into yours, his hands tangling into your hair as he kissed you. You let him grab onto your body, a small moan leaving your lips when he gives your ass a squeeze. He loved the sounds you made as his hands moved against you. You break the kiss, the need for air getting to you. Milos hands don’t leave your frame, his fingers digging into your hips as he rests his forehead against your.

“Take me to your house.”

“With fucking pleasure darling.” 

You’ve been inside Milo's house a thousand times and you knew the layout like the palm of your hand. Even so you managed to walk into the wrong room. You blamed Milo. The way he tugged at your body in desperation left your brain dizzy. You glanced around the room, eyes falling on the desk in the corner.

“This isn’t your bedroom.”

Milo raised his head, detaching his lips from your neck. 

“You’re right it's not. But this works.”

“There isn't a bed Milo.”

“Oh darling, who said we need a bed?”

A smirk spread across Milo's face as he watched your eyes widen before glancing to look at the desk once more.

“Well what are you waiting for? Get over there.”

“You want me on your desk?”

“I was thinking more like over my desk but on works too.”

You rubbed tights together at the sound of Milo's voice. You weren’t used to seeing this side of him. He was usually quiet and slightly melancholic. The man in front of you wasn’t like that at all. The man in front of you was demanding and sexy. You'd be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it.

“I thought I gave you an order darling.”

Milos hand wrapped around your throat squeezing lightly as he leaned down to give your lips a quick peak.

“Get over there. Now.”

“Yes sir.”

You turned around a yelp leaving your lips when you felt Milos hand come in contact with your ass in a rough slap.

“That's my good girl.”

“All yours sir.”

Milo licked his lips making his way to you. He watched as you hopped onto his desk, spreading your legs so that he could see your underwear. A moan left Milos lips as his eyes caught a look at the lace you wore.

“Planning on getting fucked tonight?”

“I was actually. Just wasn’t expecting it to be by you.”

Milos smile drops at your words. He leans in closer, placing his arms beside each of your thighs, caging you with his body. You swallow dry at the sight of the scowl on his face worried you’d angered him somehow. You had made him angry but not at you. Oh no. He was angry at everyone else. Angry at the others that had gotten a chance to look at you, touch you and taste you before him. He loathed them but he couldn’t change the past. The only thing he could do is make sure that for this day forward he was the only one who could have you like this. Milos eyes bore into you the silence making you uneasy but then he gave you a sly grin and you calmed down a bit.

“You think that…”

Milos hands made their way in between your legs rubbing your clothed clit as he spoke.

“Anyone could fuck you better than i can?”

Your hips bucked as Milo pushed your underwear aside playing with your folds for a moment before inserting a digit into your cunt. Your lips fell open as you moaned, closing your eyes as Milo fucked your with his fingers.

“I asked you a question.”

“No i-ugh shit- don’t think anyone can fuck me better than you.”

“And who do you belong to?”

“Ah-fuck please- you Milo. I’m yours, I'm all yours.”

“Good girl.”

You placed your hands behind you, fingers digging into the wooden desk beneath you as Milo kept up his brutal pace.

“Wanna cum pretty thing?”

“Yess please Milo…so close-oh-please don’t stop.”

“Okay i’ll let you cum but first you gotta give me a kiss.”

You pushed yourself up so that you were closer to Milo, one of your hands finding his cheek. He smiled at you, plunging his fingers as deep as he could. You launched forward, giving him a rough kiss. 

“Cum princess, go on cum on my fingers.”

He didn’t have to ask you twice. Your body stiffened as your orgasm washed over you, your hands snaking their way across Milo's shoulders as he worked you down from your high. Your body sagged into his as he removed his fingers from your pussy and brought them to his lips. He licked his hand clean of  your juices, head falling back at the taste of you.  

“Taste so good darling.”

“Yeah?”

“That perfuct fucking pussy.”

“Your perfect fucking pussy.”

Milos dick twitched at your words the sultry tone in them making him feel impossibly harder. You seemed to notice the way his hips shifted closer to you. Your hands made their way to his pants unbuttoning them before reaching into his boxers. Milo groaned as you pallmed his cock making you smirk up at him.

“Happy to see me?”

“You have no idea.”

“I think I got a pretty good feeling.”

Milo laughed, placing a kiss to your cheek as he pushed your hair away from your face. You moved your face so that you could place Milos fingers into your mouth. He watched as you sucked on his digits, never breaking eye contact. You removed his fingers from your mouth with a pop.

“Can I take care of you Milo?” 

“As much as I would love that darling, I need to be inside you.”

“OKay. How do you want me?”

Milo pulled you off the desk flipping you around so your back was pressed to his chest.

“Lay down darling.”

“Yes sir.”

You did as he asked your ass brushing against his hard on as you did. Milos hands moved to your hips pulling your dress up so that he could get a good view of your ass. He let out a wolf whistle as he grabbed your cheeks. 

“Now that’s an ass I could get used to kissing up to.”

“What's stopping you?”

Milos grinned at you leaning down and giving your butt a soft bite. You pressed your face into the desk at the feeling, your pussy clenching around nothing.

“Delectable.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh don’t thank me just yet darling. I’m about to ruin you.”

“I wanna see you try.”

“Is that right?”

“Uh hum.”

Milos hands ran up your bare thigh, his fingers toying with the edge of your underwear before ripping it off in one quick motion. You gasped as the cool air hit your exposed cunt. It wasn't long before the chill air was replaced with the feeling of Milo's warm skin. He inched his dick into your pussy slowly, trying not to cum at the feeling of your walls fluttering against him and the sounds of your squeals. Once he was fully inside he tugged your hair, forcing you to lean off the table. You could feel the outline of Milos abs against your back as he leaned down to suck on your neck.

“This is that last warning darling. Last chance to back out. If I start now I won't be able to control myself.”

“Lucian i swear to god if you don’t fuck me right now.”

Before you could even fully finish your phrase Milo had laid you back down on the desk and started pistoling  into you. He’d bring his dick almost all the way out before plugging it back in all the way. Your nipples rubbed against the wood as your body rocked with Milos movements. You could feel the desk creaking beneath you a twinge of worry entering your system but quickly vanishing. So what if he broke the desk? He could afford a new one. What he couldn't afford was cumming before you. Milo's hands found their way to your clit, rubbing it exactly. He felt you clench around him as you came causing him to reach his own orgasm. Your body fell lip on the desk, whimpering as you felt Milo pull out. You shut your eyes listening to Milo walk to the other end of the room. He returned with a wet towel, gently cleaning up the cum that had started to leak down your thighs. You whispered a small thank you, far too tired to move. Milo threw the towel on the floor, his hands wrapping around your waist as he pulled you off of the desk. He sat down on his chair tugging you into his lap. You nuzzled into Milos neck, sighing contentedly. Milos' hands stroked your hair, observing you as sleep seemed to take over your body. He placed a kiss to your hair breathing in your scent. A scent that had been made for him and only him. Everything was just as it should be: you in Milos arms. The place which you’d always belonged to.

[signedeclipse]

r u taking requests 🥲? if u are can I ask for headcannons on muichiro, obanai, giyuu and shinobu x reader on what they would do if the reader is really tired and a huge sleepy head in general it would be so cute <333

Giyuu | Muichiro | Obanai | Shinobu [X Reader]

In which their s/o is always exhausted and has a hard time staying awake.

Giyuu

He himself was never a very high energy or high demand individual

But next to you, he looked like a kid during their first sugar rush

You were always either leaning him or tucked away on the most comfortable surface nearby, dozing off

No, you weren't apart of the corps, so he didn't have any reason to force you up

You had your own job and you did it when you had to, and when he was away he would always come back to a clean house with all the chores done, along with you napping in bed

To be fair, Giyuu just assumes this is normal

I mean, he would do the same if he could, but he had a lot of duties and training to tend to

He loves cuddling up with you though, you keep the bed nice and warm for him

Muichiro

Muichiro isn't really sleepy, but he does gaze off extremely often

You are both totally lost together, because he just found out the wind makes noise and you were half asleep on the floor

If you were in the corps, you'd never be sent on missions together because somehow together the effects are worse on one another

You do get your missions done when together, it just means less details are remembered and those can be extremely vital

When home, Muichiro makes you lay your head in his lap wherever he goes- usually outside- while he stares at something of interest and just thinks

One thing he does often is speak his thoughts out loud around you, because he knows you won't take it too seriously or make fun of the nonsensical things he comes up with

Sometimes he just stares at you, and wonders what you're dreaming about

When you wake up he tries to guess, he is only getting more accurate!

Obanai

It's not that he is very energetic, but Obanai likes to do small, menial tasks to keep himself occupied

It might be tending to Kaburamaru, small exercises, or renewing his bandages

He refuses to sit down, and even if he does, he will be working on polishing his blade, or eating a meal

For this, he makes you move a lot to wherever he is if he is home

Sleeping is something you do a lot, he knows you're always tired if you don't, so he doesn't want to force you awake or make you feel bad for it

Instead he just wants you to follow him when he moved to another area, and you can sleep there until he moves on again

It keeps you somewhat active, but also brings him comfort in knowing you'll still be there, even if silent and often unmoving

Shinobu

You were very comfortable to be around considering you were mostly silent or spoke in a melancholic tone

Since she was always studying or tending to others, it helped her plenty having someone like that around

Someone who would watch over her and encourage her to be productive while not distracting her from her work too much

But as a doctor, she also understood that if you stayed still in the comfort of the mansion too often, you might become deficient in important vitamins

" You have to go outside once a day, dear! It's not good for you to stay like this all day! "

She says it like it's fact, and she's probably right

So long as you go out once a day for a small walk she is happy

Set up a hammock on the porch of the butterfly mansion where you can sleep in the sun rays, so you get all the vitamins you need even while asleep

If she has a young slayer alone in any of the healing wards, she will ask you to sleep there so they feel better with company

Even if you are tired, she knows you'll get up to help someone who might need something or is becoming ill

Authors Note - Me too reader I love sleepin,,, I hope I was able to right up to your wishes, and thank you so much for requesting! This was pretty much all my most favourite hashira lol

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE TANJIRO KAMADO HEADCANONS

Don't get fooled by his innocent look because beneath that innocent pure cinnamon roll exterior lies a hidden side, a part of him that's obsessive, possessive and lovestruck to the core along with being completely DELUSIONAL to the point where he doesn't even feel like there's something wrong with his feelings. You need to hand it to him though, he's quite the dedicated one indeed and from the very moment your eyes met, he's already devoted his heart, mind and soul to you, his precious beloved. He views you as a precious innocent angel that needs to be kept safe from the toxicity and darkness of the world and he's more than happy to be your protector and provider

He's actually good at masking his real intentions and yandere tendencies for you. In fact, he hides it so well that people won't even realize from the first look that he's so obsessed and possessive of you but his sister Nezuko knows all about his obsessive feelings of love for you, yet she won't really do anything about it other than encouraging her dear brother to pursue the love of his life. Both siblings are delusional to the core and congratulations, you have his equally possessive and obsessive sister who wants to keep you safe for her brother's sake after you

He takes the role of your caretaker VERY seriously, he does not want your health deteriorating or you suffering from any complications. He's taken the time and liberty of stalking the living HELL out of you and when he found out about your irregular sleep schedule, needless to say he was less than pleased. He realizes you really aren't capable of taking care of yourself which fuels his desire to take care of you even more. He's like a fussy mother hen always concerned and worried for you whenever you get hurt even in the slightest. The other day you accidentally received a paper cut and he was tempted to ensure you stay away from paper completely as he kept fussing about your little cut for hours and hours. He doesn't like seeing you in pain, when you're in pain, he's in pain. He feels like his heart is getting wrenched and someone dug a sharp blade into his heart, as an overwhelming amount of tender love and affections flows for you in his tender heart whenever you get hurt as he comforts you

He loves seeing that bright beautiful smile of yours and wants to ensure your happiness. With him. Where you belong. He'll buy small gifts for you such as your favorite flower, your favorite candy and such and give them to you with a sweet smile on his face, you won't even suspect how long he's stalked you for and how he's managed to find out these things without you ever telling them to him. He's very observant too and notices every single new detail about you. He can probably draw a freaking portrait of you with his eyes closed since he's memorized every inch and every part of your beautiful ethereal heavenly features. HIs mind is occupied with thoughts of you as he dreams about the happy and blissful life you both would have with each other after he brings you home with him and marries you

He's also quite the paranoid yandere, his fear of losing you to someone or losing you in a fight against a demon would send his concern and worry for you into overdrive and he feels the need to take you 'home' as in kidnap you, sooner than expected. Whatever do you want to be a Hashira for? There's no need for you to fight against those dangerous demons when he's around to take care of you and protect you. Your safety is of the utmost importance to him and that is something he will NOT compromise on at any cost. He admires your bravery and strength to save people but he doesn't want you facing the risk of you losing your life in the process. At times he might have to even keep you in the dark regarding a few missions but it's all for your own good in his opinion

He's good at masking his true intentions and feelings when he's around you and other people. He might look calm and friendly and collected on the outside when you're speaking to your so called friends but he's SEETHING inside as he has a fake plastered smile on his face. His hand is just ITCHING to slap your friend and throttle them for daring to steal your attention away from him, he feels like they're doing it deliberately just to drive a wedge and distance you from him. Deep down he's slightly worried that your friend might charm you too much and steal you away from him which is something he cannot allow to happen. He might not resort to killing the person off, but the next time there's a demon around the area, Tanjiro might not be able to save your 'friend' in time. Of course you wouldn't know that he's also asked the demon to TARGET your friend but that's a different story altogether. The only person he trusts to be around you is Nezuko

His love for you is like a passionate growing flame and your every touch is like a drug he can't get enough of. He needs you, he wants you. He needs you in a way like a drowning man needing air, he feels like he wouldn't be able to live without you. His family was killed by Muzan and he can't afford to let you fall in danger as well, he can't lose you. You're his world, the light of his life, his SOULMATE. His feelings for you would just keep getting worse and worse and finally it would lead to him ending up kidnapping you at some point in the night when you're asleep in your house. You'll wake up in Tanjiro's house on a bed with Nezuko looking at you with a curious look as she lets out a happy noise that you're awake and she'll alert her brother. "Oh, good morning darling, how did you sleep?" asked Tanjiro as you stared at him and blinked in disbelief, unable to comprehend what the hell was even going on at the moment. When you asked Tanjiro what was going on, he just let out a soft smile and told you the truth of how he took you in the night for himself and how he was going to protect you. Please don't scream or cry, he'll feel sad and he feels a sharp pang of hurt in his chest to see you upset. He doesn't like seeing you sad. He knows it's a big change and you'll need some time to adjust, he's understanding and willing to let you take as much time as you need to adjust to your new life and your new home with him and his sister. But one thing is for sure, he does NOT feel guilty at all, not even a single ounce of remorse because the way he sees it, he's keeping you safe. He's protecting you, that's what he tells himself every time and that opinion of his clouded his sense of rationality. Is it so wrong to protect someone you love?

There's no point in escaping from him, he'll just track you down and bring you back to the house. Scream, cry and insult him as much as you want, he'll just put you down on the couch and check you for injuries. He feels like the reason you ran away from him is because you didn't feel loved enough from him and he didn't shower you with love before but don't worry, he'll smother you with his affection now and cling to you like moss below a rock you'll barely have any time for yourself. Nezuko might like your head pats and likes hugging you but she wants her brother to be happy too which is why she'll side with him no matter what and prevent any means of you escaping from them. She likes it when you braid her hair and Tanjiro has a soft smile when he sees you and his sister interact with each other which is an adorable scene in his eyes

You're not to step into the kitchen for cooking either, the house is most probably baby proofed as well. He just doesn't want you getting hurt, the kitchen is a dangerous place, he doesn't want you cutting yourself accidentally with one of those sharp knives or burning yourself with the stove. He'll cook for you instead, you don't need to lift a finger when you're with him. Just let him take care of you and spoil you

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Broken Chords: See how it shines

Hozier x fem!reader

Author's note: this is late cause I spaced on making a mood board.

Summary: 6 weeks after they last saw each other, Andrew can’t seem to get past his and Y/n’s last exchange in New York. In a last-ditch effort to save their relationship, Andrew makes a long distance call from Paris.

Warnings: just angst.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The first moments after she walks out of the dressing room feels like hell. But then Andrew reminds himself that hell was when she’d left him the first time, so this must be something worse. This sharp ache in his chest, the rawness in his throat, the heat on his skin and the blur of his vision must be worse. When Y/n had left the first time – if one could really call it that since they’ve never officially lived together – it had come as a shock to him. He hadn’t expected it, and there was a period of disbelief before reality had set in.

But this time is different; this time, the image of her looking up at him with glassy eyes is scored into his mind, and he keeps seeing her walking out of the dressing room every time he shuts his eyes. Its all still fresh and often, when he thinks about it, a sense of panic rises up in his chest. She’s gone, its over; he recognizes the fact immediately. There’s no tricking himself into thinking that Y/n will come back because she’ll want the copy of Anna Karenina she left on his bookshelf. There are no parts of her in that sterile room, the warmth of her fingers have faded from his and the gentle way her perfume has stained the air is gone.

The room smells cold, in a way that almost burns his nose – or maybe it's the struggle to not sob that causes the uncomfortable sensation.

And even after the moment is gone, another memory occupied by a person he doesn’t quite recognize, Andrew can’t shake the question she’d asked him;

“What more did you need to see?”

What more does he need to see? What was he looking for that Y/n didn’t give him?

Nothing.

The answer hasn’t changed since he first thought it over. Every night, swallowed by pitch darkness, Andrew stares up at nothing, unable to keep his eyes shut for longer than a couple seconds while the moment plays on a repeat in his mind. It's like a scene from a movie he’s seen a million times but he can never remember the names of the actors. Awfully familiar, just not familiar enough.

What more does he need to see?

Laying in a hotel room in Paris, Andrew repeatedly asks himself the question. And he keeps coming up with the same answer; nothing. Everything Y/n is has always been more than he could ever imagine needing. She’s been at his side through the best of things, and offered him solace when he’s at his worst. So many of his secrets are now hers too.

God, his parents adore her. Jon says she’s the sister he never had. How many people get that lucky?

How many people don’t realize that they are that lucky because they’re too busy shielding themselves from a blow that just isn’t gonna come?

Sitting up and slumping against the cool, wooden headboard, he scrubs his hand over his face and then threads his fingers through his messy curls. It's three am, he’s jetlagged and its obvious sleep isn’t in his immediate future. And all he can think about is how far down a precipice he’s sent the best relationship he’s ever had.

He should tell her he's sorry.

In fact, not should; he must tell her. Right now. Before another hour passes without her knowing that he is so incredibly sorry and remorseful that its keeping him awake. That even if she doesn’t take him back – because she probably will not – he knows she deserves better and that he’s willing to work on being better because she’s worth that and an eternity’s more.

He doesn’t care that its three am in Paris or twelve am in Los Angeles. She needs to know; a little piece of his sanity ebbs away for every second that she doesn't.

He reaches for his phone on the bedside table. It doesn’t take too much effort to find it, and Andrew doesn’t even need to turn on the lamp because the hotel they’ve chosen is in the thick of the city, and his room overlooks the sleepless stretch that bounds towards the Eiffel tower. Yellow lights from the surrounding buildings, blurred by the sheer curtains that guard the double doors that lead to the small balcony, washes his room in a pale, golden hue.

She’d love this was, uncoincidentally, his first thought when he’d first noticed. He doesn’t know why, but when he thought it, Andrew had tried to take a picture of the room, it's not like he’ll ever get to show her. But his phone couldn’t seem to capture the lighting right, and he gave up.

Unlocking the screen, Andrew pulls up her number and allows himself another moment of contemplation. He isn’t even sure that she’ll answer – he doesn’t have any right to the comfort of her voice, much less her forgiveness. But he owes himself the possibility, right?

Maybe not.

But he's already hit call, so it doesn’t even matter anymore.

It rings three times. Three seconds. He holds his breath and his heart is racing. The familiar sound is weighed down by the chance of making it to her voicemail recording. Andrew quickly determines that if it gets there, he’s going to hang up before the message starts, because he doesn’t want to hear her cheery voice relaying that awfully generic message.

“Hey, its Y/n. Leave a message!”

No. He won’t leave a message because what he has to say can not be articulated in three minutes.

Four rings.

“Hello?” When he hears her breathy greeting coming through the line, Andrew involuntarily sucks in a sharp breath.

“Ehm…..” How is he even supposed to start this thing? Perhaps he would have been much better off getting on a plane and flying to L.A, because at least then his greeting wouldn’t be reduced to a measly; “hey, its me.”

On her end, he can hear music playing, it isn't loud and he guesses that she’s put some distance between herself and its source. “I know,” Y/n returns after a handful of tense seconds, “I saw your name on the…..”

“Right, right.” He lapses into silence as he gathers what he wants to say. He’s sorry, he wants to be better, if she’ll give him one more chance he knows he can change. Right, that's a perfectly logical order for things.

Except, the nerves seize him and the minute he opens his mouth, he fumbles. “I want to change. I need to change.”

He needs some fresh air too because suddenly, the room feels suffocating.

“What?” Andrew can hear her confusion as he swings his legs out of bed, planting his feet on the carpeted floor, padding over to the double French doors, easing one side open. A rush of temperate, autumn air nips at his face as Andrew is met with the city in all of its beauty. The dazzling tower off in the distance, the twinkle of hotels, restaurants and apartments spread out before him, turning the sky inky.

It isn’t like this in Wicklow; here, even the night is racked with the buzz of life. Y/n, his city girl, would fit right in.

He’ll never forget how in awe she was when she spent her first night in Wicklow; the amount of stars in the sky, the soft, barely-there, hum of wildlife at the back of his house, the slosh of waves in the distance, far enough to not elicit the sort of anxiety that the ocean does, close enough to lull you to sleep with the rhythmic ‘swish’ as it slops against the rocky shore. She said she hadn't thought that a place could be so quiet. Quiet enough to make you really have to pay attention to your thoughts.

So quiet that you hear your partner's breathing settle in time with yours.

So quiet that you can't help but notice when they're not there anymore, and the loneliness quickly becomes maddening, so you start leaving the television on at night.

“I said I need to change,” he finally repeats, “I…..you asked what more I needed to see.” When he notes a bout of loud laughter in the background, he quickly realizes that she’s probably out with some friends. Maybe colleagues. Maybe someone new that she’s seeing.

“Am I interrupting something?” He asks, hoping she’ll permit him to continue.

The sounds backing her voice become a bit more distant as she says dismissively, “nothing important. Andy,” she sighs heavily and his heart quickens when she calls him that. So many people call him that – family, close friends, even some of his neighbors – but it sounds different when she does it. His logical mind begs that it's simply her accent, but it must be more, he often thinks. It's the hitch in her breath when she starts that ‘ah’ sound. It's the way when she calls out to him, always gentle and soothing.

And tonight, it's the relief that comes with hearing it after he thought he'd lost the pleasure forever.

“What's going on here?”

“I've been thinking,” licking his lips, he leans against the railing. He fixes his tired gaze on a building a block over. It isn’t particularly tall, it isn’t really anything special at all. The only reason he can see it is because there’s a street lamp right in front of it, offering it the most angelic glow. “You asked what more I needed to see before I could commit to you. And its nothing.”

“I don’t understand,” she sighs.

“I don’t have to see, or know or learn anything else for me to realize that I need you in my life,” he swallows thickly, “I want to be better, give you…..commitment. And I’m so sorry didn’t realize it before, I should've – you gave me so much and I just…..I couldn’t even call you my girlfriend,” he pauses; he really needs to steel himself if he’s going to ask for another chance after ripping up her heart, “I know I don’t deserve it, I don’t even have the right to ask, but…..if you could ever bring yourself to give me another chance, things would be different.”

Y/n is quiet for a while, so long that Andrew has to check his phone to make sure they haven’t been disconnected – or she hasn’t hung up on him. Eventually, she sighs heavily and he straightens his back; he’s waiting for the crush that comes when she says it doesn’t matter. He’s already set himself up for the moment where she condemns him to hell.

But it doesn’t come.

“I don’t wanna talk about this over the phone,” Y/n says softly, and then there’s another bout of silence, “you’re in Paris, right?”

“Yeah,” he breathes.

“And then where?”

“Italy.”

Again, there’s nothing for a minute. “Right,” she hums. He swears he can see her, thinking on whatever’s going through her mind, tongue darting out briefly to lick her lips, brows furrowed and head bent slightly. He loves the way she looks when she does that, even if she’s just trying to remember where she left her phone Y/n adopts this very pensive expression, that makes it seem like she’s got the world on her mind. “What're you doing after that?”

“I’ll be home for a while,” he swears he’s told her all of this before, when they’d collided in Los Angeles, for dinner at her hotel and a romp before he was off again, but she must've forgotten. Or she’s using menail chatter to fill the time it takes to decide if she really should meet with him.

“I’ll be in Paris by the end of next week…..for this thing,” she says with such nonchalance that one would never guess that she’s actually referring to a career altering event. “But you’ll be….in Ireland, by then right?”

“Right,” he confirms.

Andrew’s heart leaps into his throat; he didn’t expect that. Not that he’s complaining – it isn’t in his make-up to be able to resist a chance to see her. If she’s offering, then he will oblige. “I’d love that,” his words are all too hasty, yet he can’t even bring himself to quell the eagerness. “Ehm, if you send me your flight details, I'll pick you up at the airport.”

“What if I…..visited? My thing will only a few days, and I'll have some free time after."

“Okay,” she offers meekly.

“Okay,” he mirrors, “we can-” but before he can suggest that they keep in contact during the week, the line clicks dead. Blowing a breath from the ‘o’ of his lips, Andrew shudders and slumps his weight against the wrought iron railing guarding the left side of the little, rectangular space. Holding the phone at his side, he keeps his gaze trained towards the glittering city.

His city girl, he breaks into a faint, wistful smile at the thought of her and its the first time in six damn weeks that the idea of Y/n hasn’t made his eyes prickle or his throat feel tight. The memory of her walking out of the door is slowly being replaced by the image of her with yellow flecks reflected in her eyes, dancing in them like embers on a campfire. Y/n is beside him, her bare shoulder brushing his sleeve and while she stands in awe of the city, seemingly shrunken below them, Andrew is looking at her. She’s wearing green again, a silk, sort of Grecian style dress and there’s something about her slightly agape lips, and the shadows that the combination of low lighting and her long lashes cast on her cheek bones, that makes him gasp quietly;

He swears he’s never seen anyone so beautiful.

Thinking back on it, he must’ve fallen for her that night – the night they met. He hasn’t stopped since then.

[cinnamonest]

we've talked about mommy darling and Rhinedottir darling before for Albedo; have we considered Alice darling? sweet momma (soft and squishy...) with just enough crazy to keep Albedo intrigued, and she's so much nicer than Rhine, really wants him to think of himself as part of the family. comes pre-packaged with a kid, too! and if i could be so bold, she's probably still lactating by the time Albedo comes along

only issue is the husband being in the picture still, which Albedo doesn't like, and the fact that you keep running off for Celestia knows what and leaving him behind, which Albedo really doesn't like. you put him in this family, take some responsibility. he won't tolerate a second neglectful momma- er, female... role model...

bless his little artificial heart, he's trying his damn best

In love with this concept anon, as much as I love Creator!Darling there's also an appeal to our baby boy getting this stark contrast of someone treating him nicely for the first time and having no idea how to handle it, developing an obsessive attachment but because it's Him™ he just cannot keep it healthy or sane, poor thing.

He finally gets to meet you after hearing about you before, and you're so sweet and gentle while you talk to him, but he just can't pay attention to anything you're saying because he can't un-glue his eyes from your blatantly swollen tits… it's not fair, it's too distracting. He likes to think of himself as mature and self-disciplined, so it's quite annoying and shameful that he feels so captivated, frustrating that he can't stop himself from looking.

Nor can he stop the weird feeling in his chest. Especially if it's shortly after his abandonment — he's in a state of emotional distress and pain, feels so lost and unwanted and here you are all sweet and doting. It's not just that it's a substitution for his Master, rather, you're nicer and sweeter l, in all his life he's never been treated so well.

Master was always so harsh and biting in her tone, always criticizing him, always manipulating him with threats to leave — and until now, that's really all he's known. But you, you're sweet, even if there's more distance between you two because you don't know each other as well. You smile at him and say nice things, you ask him about himself, you tell him to let me know if you need anything.

It feels strange. It's uncomfortable, in a way, feels like someone peering into his mind and heart, it's vulnerable and makes him squirm, yet, it feels good, he likes it, despite the discomfort. He’s not naive nor lacking self-awareness. He can recognize it for what it is from the start, and for that reason, he desperately seals it away early on, knowing it would not work, knowing you have a family, knowing there's a gap in your stages of life and maturity.

But it’s not wrong to notice you like him, right? Even if not in the same way. He knows you feel positively towards him.

It really hits him hard when, once day, there's some virus or another going around, he catches it and ends up having to stay at home sick, in the little lodging he's been provided in the town. He thinks nothing of it until you come knocking on the door.

You sigh in relief when he opens the door, say you were worried when you hadn't seen him all day. Your eyes widen when he explains (with a stammer he hopes you don't notice) that he's sick.

And your reaction feels so foreign. He's used to a sharp glare, a frustrated sigh, being told to suck it up and get over it and stop making excuses. But you, you start to fuss and coo at him, tell him to go rest, say something about how you'll get him some hot tea and run off, leaving him standing there, staring at the empty hall.

You noticed he was absent. He crossed your mind. It makes sense, in a way, but it just feels so… warm, fuzzy.

He crossed your mind. You think about him. You missed him. How much do you think about him? Do you do it every day? How much space in your mind does he occupy? How significant is he to you? There's this swelling feeling in his chest.

But he's often realistic to the point of pessimism, and so he suppresses the childishly hopeful thoughts with bitter self-criticism — telling himself he's being foolish and ridiculous and self-important to think it's anything more than just by chance, that you just happened to think of him for some reason. Taking that innate sense of wishful thinking in the most vulnerable depths of the heart and crushing it himself before reality does it for him. Less painful that way. It doesn't mean anything, he shouldn't hope for anything, he can't let himself form feelings that are just going to bring him pain in the long run.

And he does try to distance himself from you, for some time. It's like a form of addiction — he really does try, but he finds himself moving on a mental-autopilot anyway, seeking you out, letting the words of are you doing anything later? fall out of his mouth on their own and feeling so elated when you happily, willingly spend time with him.

And in time, he even lets himself start to think too much, stops pushing away those absurd thoughts that he knows better than to allow himself to have because he knows that if he has those thoughts and lets them fester, he's just going to get hurt, because the fantasies will never come to fruition, the feelings will never be reciprocated. He lets himself feel some sense of pride and pure bliss and vague sense of irrational hope when you tell him how grateful you are that he takes such good care of your precious girl when you ask him to look after her and how you're so happy he's bonded to her and tell him that she really looks up to him.

Lets himself bask in your praise and lets himself ride the euphoric high a single nice word from you brings him all day, rather than suppressing it. Lets himself look forward to seeing you, something he felt was only going to go badly for him and thus suppressed before.

Lets himself indulge in long drawn-out fantasies that he knows are so unrealistic and shameful, gradually progressing over time from embarrassingly vulnerable thoughts of your praise and kindness and affection, allowing the depravity and perversion he's repressed to slowly seep out further and further until the fantasies progress into those that have him locking his door and panting and gripping the table with his other hand until he's shivering and slouched over in the shameful clarity that follows.

He also tries to fight these thoughts and feelings initially not only because they're shameful and vulnerable, but because these feelings are accompanied by a much darker feelings, too.

One that is strictly unpleasant, rather than the other, more confusing uncomfortable-but-good feelings. This burning, twisting feeling in his gut and chest, whenever he sees you with others, particularly when you smile or laugh. The way the bitter heat blazes whenever he thinks about the fact that you had to be with some other man to have your child. The way his muscles tense and his eye twitches and he grips his utensils harder as he works. He's certain those feelings aren't good — rather, they're very bad, dangerous even.

The other is the longing, yearning pain when you're gone. He has to struggle to summon the motivation to work — what's the point, when he won't see you all day? The work itself isn't motivating enough anymore like it used to be — something that concerns him, yet remains true all the same. He works slower, he mopes, he doesn't do much of anything until you return, at which point his mood suddenly does a complete reversal, and he feels happy and good and motivated again. He knows that's not good, he knows that degree of dependency is alarming, but it's beyond his ability to resolve. It's a frustrating feeling, identifying a problem but having no way to resolve it.

The feeling of frustration only grows when the yearning itself begins to metamorphosize. It shifts over time, a sad longing that begins to turn to frustration, then bitterness, and finally reaches a low, dark resentment. One he knows is irrational, but the thoughts come anyway — why would you leave him alone here? What's more important than he is? Doesn't he deserve to have you stay with him? Don't you realize he's sad when you're gone?

Didn't you once say you'd be there if he ever needed anything? That you'd help him in any way you could? How do you intend to do that when you're gone so often, huh?

These thoughts can only grow worse with time, and yet, by this point, it's not a matter of letting himself do anything — the thoughts just happen, flowing out without any reign, and even if he tries to summon some restraint, they just slip through. Spiteful, bitter, vengeful, selfish, childish thoughts, darker —

(If you're just going to use him to take care of your kid, shouldn't you treat him like a partner, too? Isn't that selfish of you to not give that to him? Doesn't he do a lot for you? Doesn't he deserve a reward?)

— and darker and darker —

(Maybe you do know how he feels. You're just pretending not to. You know. You're just using him. You're taking advantage of him.)

— and he lets his mind sink to its lowest point.

You're just like her.

Yes, the bitterness gets strong. A sense of entitlement, frustration, a sense of transgression. You just dump your kid off on him to help care for, and then leave? And then you have the audacity to give him money, gifts, so on and so on when your return from your long trips.

As if that's what he wants, as if he cares about things like that. It feels insulting, almost, he'd rather have nothing if you're not going to give him what he actually wants. It feels like some pathetic attempt at substituting, even if rationally, he knows you don't mean it that way.

But bitterness easily overrides rationality, and so maybe he can let himself feel that way. Let himself feel a bit mad about it. Let himself grind his teeth and clench his hand into a fist when you start talking about your next journey you're planning, even if he responds with perfect calmness in his voice, a skill that strikes him as increasingly remarkable when he's so so so damn mad on the inside.

And maybe, if the frustration becomes more than he can bear, if it overrides his sense and inhibition entirely, he can finally let himself act on it too…

[angelynmoon]

Eldritch Steve

Part 8

-

Owens arrives in Hawkins as the government always does, a day late and a dollar short. He shows uo with his goons a day after Joyce and Hopper get back from Russia, and Hopper goes off on him.

Steve is amused, leaning against the wall next to Eddie, who is just staring, sometimes Steve forgets that this is his first go around, he's been so calm.

He has nightmares, but not as often as he did before Steve showed him what he really was, showed him just why he had no reason to fear the Down Below. Steve doesn't tell Eddie that he is doubly protected, Wayne has not told Eddie that he and Steve are the same kind of creature, and it is not Steve's secret to tell, so he won't.

Hopper finally trails off, the months of torture in a Russian gulag showing on his face.

Steve almost feels sorry for him, sorry he didn't confirm his death but he had the kids to take care of, the woods to patrol, just because the main gates are closed does not mean the cracks are, cracks like the ones Steve slipped through, like the one Wayne must have slipped through.

Steve has been eating the Demongorgans that came hunting, the demodogs too, making trinkets and charms from their bones.

Hmm, Steve thought as he looked over at Eddie, eyes falling to his hands, maybe he should make a ring next, Eddie would probably like that.

"We really shoud do some tests, Steve." Owens said to him making Steve tune back into the conversation.

Steve looked at Owens, "No, I'm fine."

"You were attacked by a new creature, we should make sure that they don't carry any diseases." One of Owens' doctors said, sounding way too gleeful about it.

Steve stared at her, with a frown, then remembered that for humans the air of the Down Below was toxic, it wasn't for Steve and he'd protected the kids from the hostile air when they had seemed to forget about that fact.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not doing any tests." Steve told them.

"Steve, sweetie, you should let them help." Joyce said softly, it was the same tone she tended to use on Will and Jonathan when she wanted them to do something. It was a tone mother's used on their children.

But she was not his mother, and Steve forced himself to remember that she was Will's mother, that El considered Joyce her mother too, but she had left them while she ran off to Russian, left them vulnerable and alone.

Steve knew what El had gone through, what Owens and Brenner had put her through, she'd told him in stops and starts late at night when nightmares woke her and Steve returned from hunting.

Steve would never forgive Joyce or Owens for that, and he'd never trust either of them with his kids again.

"I said no." Steve said, tone cold, with zero inflection, and he ignored the way Nancy and Robin flinched, it was the same otherworldly tone he'd had in the Down Below.

Eddie's hand found his wrist to ground him, something he'd picked up from Carol, who used it to remind Steve about being Human, but Steve no longer cared as he watched several soldiers tighten their grips on their guns, scents coiling with disgust at the display of affection between two men.

Owens seemed to realize that there was an edge of hostility but he didn't try to defuse it, not yet.

Steve shifted, and his kids seened to understand and moved so they were behind him, Will and El even moving from Joyce and Hoppers' sides, El wrapping her small hand around the wrist not occupied by Eddie's hold.

"There's no need for there to be any problems, a few tests, and then we all go home, like the last few times." Owens tried to placate, but it was clear by the shift that Owens was not in charge here.

"You should make them lower their guns." Eddue said softly, he could almost feel Steve's anger, feel him losing control.

Eddie knew Steve could hurt the soldiers faster than they could fire, he'd seen Steve swallow Demogorgans whole in the blink of an eye but killing the soldiers would not solve anything except satiate Steve's hunger for a time.

"I don't think so. You're going to let the doctors do their tests, and then sign the disclosures." One of the ranking soldiers said, gun coming up more firmly.

"There's no need for threats." Hopper said, tone angry.

"They are not threats." Steve said before Owens could speak.

They all looked at him, because now there was that otherworldly echo in his voice, and it would be so tempting to tear the nearest crack to the Down Below wide open and throw the soldiers to the creatures there that Steve hunted and feasted upon.

But El squeezed his wrist, looking up at him with wide, pleading and terrified eyes, she'd never seen his real form, even Eddie had only seen glimpses of it, only Wayne had seen all of him, just as Steve had seen all of Wayne before they'd come here to the Upper World.

"There are no threats here." Steve said, forcing himself to calm, but he would not be keeping his secret any longer, not when keeping it would put Eddie in danger, Steve turned to Owens, never taking his eyes off the soldier with his gun raised, "I'm the most dangerous Creature the Down Below ever released into this world, and I do not take threats to what's mine lightly."

Steve reached out and watched every single gun in the room fall to the ground in useless pieces.

"You ever threaten My Mate again and you will beg for a death that will not come." Steve said, suddenly in the ranking soldier's face, "I will feast on your flesh for centuries, and before I am done with you I will devour your wife, your child and all those that are yet to spring forth from you disgusting seed. I will make you watch and remind you that your line is ended in this way because you have such hate in your heart. You will wish your bloodline had ended with you."

Steve stared at him and waited for the prey to look away, ignoring the way he trembled in fear, the stench of terror he released.

Once the man looked away Steve turned back to Owens, a little delighted at the way the man had paled.

"No tests, and I expect Eddie's home to be replaced and the same compensation given to him as the children, as per our first conversation." Steve told him, "Now, if you'll excuse us, it's passed the childrens' bedtime, they have a game to play tomorrow."

Without waiting for the other adults to agree Steve ushered the kids out of the room, guiding the younger ones to Eddie's van and giving Nancy a look as he touched Robin's shoulder.

A warning that she would pay if anything happened to Robin while she was in Nancy's care, but Steve let her go with Nancy.

But he would not be letting the children out of his sight while Owens and his men were in Hawkins, not even to their parents, he did not even think he'd be able to leave them in Wayne's care.

He'd lost his spawn once, he would not lose them again.

--

@addelyin @merricatty @lesbiabrobin @apuckishwit @0o-mushroom-o0 @starlight-archer @darkwitchoferie @just-a-tiny-void @swimmingbirdrunningrock @intergalactic-president-awesome @vampireinthesun @goodolefashionedloverboi @adhdsummer @purpleanimeoverart @space-invading-pigeon @lilaclilyroses @nohomoyesbi @plantzzsandpencilzzs @korixae @subversivecynic @flusteredcas @persnicketysquares @freddykicksasses @little-trash-ghost @cupcakesnwhiskey @cats-ate-all-of-my-pasta @planetsoda @paintsplatteredandimperfect

[veliseraptor]

January Reading Recap

another fairly busy reading month though I don't think it's a patch on December. didn't actually count though so I could be wrong

Death in the City of Light: The Serial Killer of Nazi-Occupied Paris by David King. This has been on my want-to-read list for a long time and I'm not quite sure what finally pushed me over the edge into reading it, given that I've been off true crime books for a while. Possibly just the fact that I was looking for ebooks available at the library and this one was there. I feel pretty lukewarm on this one - it was interesting, but not particularly compelling as a book.

Sundial by Catriona Ward. I think I like Catriona Ward. Her horror does interesting things, and for whatever reason I found this one particularly compelling, possibly because of the unreliable narrator of it all. Definitely pulled me through at a pretty quick clip needing to know how it fell out, and like other books I've read by her pulled an eleventh hour twist on me that genuinely caught me by surprise but also worked very well.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow. This is another book I feel like I can best describe as "fine." It wasn't bad, by any means, I didn't dislike it, but I didn't particularly like it either. It doesn't help that I'm often lukewarm on first person narration (not always, but it takes some effort to win me over on it). On the whole it's not one I regret reading but it's also not one I'd recommend to other people.

Murder Road by Simone St. James. I read a lot of books this month where my overall verdict was "fine", it turns out, and this was another one. An impulse checkout because the ebook was available at the library and I was away from my bookshelves, and it was an entertaining enough horror novel but not one that will linger with me or that particularly impressed me.

The Angel of Indian Lake by Stephen Graham Jones. I finished out the series because I enjoyed the second book enough that I wanted to, but I really just think that it wasn't for me, which makes sense as it's a love letter to slashers and I'm not a slasher fan. I also think that me and Stephen Graham Jones just may not vibe very well, though I will probably keep trying. I don't hold the fact that I was sort of shrug emoji about this book against it, is I guess what I'm mostly saying.

Revolt: The Worldwide Uprising Against Globalization by Nadav Eyal. I'm trying to get back into reading more nonfiction and so far it isn't sticking very well, but this was a very interesting one. I'm still not quite sure how to talk about it as a whole - I think I'm still thinking about it - but I found the argument the author was making compelling and his survey of recent uprisings/protests against globalization from multiple different angles is well pulled together. He draws a lot of seemingly disparate strands of discontent into a whole pattern in a way that I found convincing, if also a little depressing in terms of the "what the fuck now" of it.

The Fox Wife by Yangsze Choo. A thoroughly acceptable book. It was fine, it was pretty fun to read, but it's not going to stick with me and I came out of it feeling a little bit dissatisfied. Which is too bad, because I was excited about the premise. I think mostly what I objected to was the voice of the narrator, which felt casual in a way that I felt didn't mesh with the story being told.

North Star Guide Me Home by Jo Spurrier. Earned its five star rating by making me cry three or four times. My main complaint here is that the canonical poly did not include my pet triad. Which is not surprising but is on some level disappointing. Did kick me into writing about 8k of fic in about three days, which certainly says something. Anyway I'm probably going to be going back and rereading this in the relatively near future.

Ballad of Sword and Wine: Qiang Jin Jiu: vol. 3 by Tang Jiu Qing. And we're into book 2! I definitely feel like I'm following more of the politics in this one the second time around, which makes sense and also makes this a more enjoyable reading experience. I'm also even more delighted by just how unhinged Shen Zechuan is, but in, like, this low key way where people don't initially notice it and it's more of a slow realization that there is something wrong with this man. And Xiao Chiye is into that.

Come With Me by Ronald Malfi. I picked up this book as horror (because the other Malfi I read was) and it was really more of a mystery with a touch of supernatural elements thrown in? But that's not necessarily to say I didn't enjoy the experience; I like a mystery, it's just not what I expected. Not particularly a stand out and I'm not sure I'll seek out more books by this author, except perhaps out of desperation because I'm always looking for more horror somewhere and I didn't dislike either of his books. (I just wasn't particularly impressed with them either.)

Legacy of Kings by C.S. Friedman. Series finished strong! I mean, the weird gender essentialism carried through to a certain extent, which I feel like would probably twig other people more than it did me, but as far as early 2000s fantasy series go I have pretty low expectations on the gender front and this series surpassed those. (Which may be damning with faint praise.) But on the whole I was glad I read this one.

Murder in the Bayou: Who Killed the Women Known as the Jeff Davis 8? by Ethan Brown. Two true crime books in one month after not reading any for years! Shocking. This one was sitting on my shelf for quite a while so it was about time I got around to it, though, and it was a pretty good one. And definitely focused more on, like, systemic injustice than on sensationalistic description of the murders themselves, which I appreciated in a true crime book.

The Witch of Colchis by Rosie Hewlett. Hope springs eternal for Medea retellings and I've still only read one that I actually really liked (Bright Air Black by David Vann), but this one was...at least not objectionable? It beat out my complaint with the last two I've read in that it actually let Medea be nasty. (No fake out murders here!) Still not exceptional, though, and not one I'd excitedly rec to anyone else.

In the Night Garden by Catherynne M. Valente. Definitely the standout book of the month; I'm looking forward to picking up the second one. I always kind of forget how much I love Valente's writing, and the lovely way she wove the interlocking stories together here was so satisfying and created such a lovely fairy-tale texture to the whole book. Also not like anything I've read recently, which is a fun thing for me!

The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake. I had pretty low expectations for this one and it surpassed all of them mostly by virtue of the characters mostly being at least sort of awful people. I'm always weak for a cast of people who are kind of awful being awful together. Little bit of dark academia vibes but at least not for me in an obnoxious way, and I found the plot interesting enough to keep me reading at a pretty good clip, but really I was in this for the characters.

Agent Josephine: American Beauty, French Hero, British Spy by Damien Lewis. I didn't know a lot about Josephine Baker's spying during World War II, so it was fun to learn more about that, but I felt a little like the limitations Lewis had in terms of sources (because of things never written down or not declassified) showed, particularly in the ways in which this book was not insubstantially about the people around Josephine Baker and not the woman herself. Basically: trying to build a book from not quite a full book's worth of material, was a little bit of the feeling I got here.

New Spring by Robert Jordan. True story: I had never actually read this before. And I'm glad I have now! I mean, I wouldn't call it my favorite of the Wheel of Time books, by any means, but it's fun to go back in time and get a bit of Moiraine and Lan from inside their heads at a younger age. As with most prequels, I really can't imagine finding this nearly as satisfying to read if you haven't read the rest of the series itself first, or at least the first few books of it. One reaction it did give me was wanting to know of Moiraine's thoughts during The Eye of the World, but of course that would make that book as a whole less effective.

---

I was currently reading The Atlas Complex to finish out the Olivie Blake series (looking at the average rating for it and going HOO BOY so we'll see how that goes) but then my checkout expired, so...going to be a minute on that one. I'm alternating reads with books of Wheel of Time so while I'm waiting on the library to give me my book back I'm reading The Dragon Reborn (since I've already read the first two in the last...six days, ay yi yi). I have Absolution by Jeff Vandermeer out from the library and we'll see if I can read it without doing a reread of the other Area X books first. It is possible I will not be able to.

Also on my list for the near future is The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell, for book club, but I actually don't have a well-defined reading list for the near future. Maybe Niccolo Rising finally? We'll see what happens.

[tiredsn0w]

Hello! Just out of curiosity since I might end up writing some fanfiction in the future, what’re 049’s relationships with 7cb7, 4b80, and any other characters that might show up? :] Also, how’ve you been doing?

Hello! You're in luck because I actually was just fleshing this out the other day, so I have a pretty solid response, even if slight details do change over time.

I imagined that 7cb7's first interaction with 049 would be also when meeting 5a82 again, and seeing that he looks quite a bit better (he's still struggling a lot and that's why he had to go back home, but you know, he doesn't have the world's worst dark circles and is actually bathed/washed and dressed properly) would have a positive first impression of him, and thank him for taking care of him. I think they would have some tension as 049 throws a bit of a wrench in the resistance's plannings with 5a82, and 049 dislikes the fact that she inadvertently made it so that 5a82 would have a lot of things to attend to and therefore spend less time with him. But overall they both do care about him and want similar things for him, and even though they have tension, can get along and be friendly.

4b80 and 049 definitely have a more strained relationship. I decided to have it so that 5a82 is her CHP (Chosen Person) and she gets supply from his attention and being a friend to him/caring for him. So in a sense, in her mind, being his friend is "her thing" and then 049 suddenly shows up and is in that space instead. She also has struggled with making/keeping friends in the past so it presses on that wound. It's definitely a struggle for her and requires a lot of self-justification to not go into an ego crash. From the other side of things, 5a82 is 049's FP (Favourite Person) and his largest fear and motivator in the arc of them returning to Kepler is the idea that now 5a82 is free to leave him whenever, and doesn't need his help anymore (he has several breakdowns over this). Of course, being introduced to someone who wants to occupy the same space in 5a82's life only adds to that. Their first interaction will be much less friendly, and I'm still not really sure how I'm going to navigate the rest of their relationship in my writing.

There are two other characters that are going to show up, who are also pretty important to 049's character arc and insecurities. They were in my old writing, but I'm rebooting them, I'm not going to mention them by name so far just because I'm thinking of changing it and don't want to set anything in stone. But they're assigned to be 5a82's aides while he's in/working for the resistance, and of course, 049 will probably have a bit of a crash-out over this. Again, he deeply fears being replaced and therefore abandoned, and his main function in his relationship with 5a82 is to be a caregiver to him, so you can imagine how he'd react to the idea of other people stepping into that role. But they both are very understanding about the whole thing, and try to work through ways to manage his stress by still being very involved in 5a82's personal life (and besides, it makes their jobs easier too. 5a82 isn't exactly good at communicating, and at this point 049 would have been with him for about a year or so, and intimately knows his issues) so they're able to have a mutualistic relationship in the end, even if there's a bit of underlying resentment and anxiety on 049's side.

.

(I've been doing okay, I guess. Avolition is hitting really hard which isn't good around this time of school year. Recently I didn't go out into public for almost an entire month. Other things, too, I guess, insomnia and anhedonia and whatnot. I look like death, haha. But I finally got an appointment scheduled with a neurosurgeon after months of waiting, so there's that. And God has been so good to me recently. And my siblings are the best. So it's not all bad.)

.

P.S. feel free to send me any fic you write if you desire to, I always like seeing other people's works. It's pretty darn awesome that my silly little writings can inspire other people to make their own art.

[your-divine-ribs]

I’m With the Band Part 36

Words: 2.3k

If anyone’s still reading this story, this is the last full chapter I’ve written, I do mean to update it soon as I have another chapter almost complete that I need to finish 💖

I’m With the Band Masterlist Main Masterlist

I'm in my element, six cocktails in and swaying to the music, playing up to the audience I know I have without even looking. Under these lights I know I look good, I'm confident in my natural habitat, many a wild night out spent perfecting my moves whilst clubbing with Portia. Chelsea's clubs and bars were more exclusive than this of course, the girls dressed to kill in their high end attire and the boys looking sharp in designer threads, but when you stripped away the fancy clothes and the champagne cocktails places like this were all the same. People came here to prowl and to pull, and having Daddy's credit card in your back pocket or your purse didn't make intentions any different.

I can feel all eyes on me and in particular Van's. I know his gaze will be fixed on my curves as I let my hands brush down over my hips, and when I finally do glance over predictably he's looking right back. I giggle then, blowing him a cheeky kiss, my head bowed slightly so I can look at him alluringly from under my lashes.

"Godamnit girl, you have that boy eating out of the palm of your hand!"

Lisa leans in to speak into my ear over the music and I smirk at her words. "Oh really? I didn't notice!"

She laughs at that, knowing I'm teasing. She knows exactly what I'm up to and she doesn't seem to judge me for it.

"And it's not just Van," she continues, eyes darting back to the booth the lads are occupying. I look too, my gaze meeting Johnny's as he grins at me, raising up his glass with a nod. He isn't as obvious as Van but I can still see the appreciation in his features as he watches me dance. Benji's snatching glances too, only when he thinks I'm not looking. Bob is very obviously trying to look anywhere but at me. Larry's glaring at Van, trying unsuccessfully to divert his attention.

I look away, letting the music wash over me and guide my hips into a slow, seductive roll. The music's not really my style at all, the cheesiest old school R&B blaring out of the speakers. Portia loves this kind of stuff but I shun it these days in favour of rock and indie. It's perfect for pulling the slutty kind of dance moves that have the boys slack-jawed and drooling into their pints though, so it's all good by me.

"Ahhh... just as I thought," Lisa grins, nodding to indicate behind me. "Don't look now but he's coming over!"

Mission accomplished...

It's not long until mine and Lisa's little dance space is invaded by Van, mischievous grin stretched wide as he slides in between the two of us. He's all gangly limbs and swivelling hips as he tries for a sexy shimmy and I can't hold back my laughter. I've seen more grace in a baby giraffe.

"Hey, don't laugh! Spent years working on these killer moves I'll 'ave you know!"

"I can tell," I smirk back at him. "Very smooth... how on earth do the ladies resist?"

"They usually can't," he says, the faux serious tone he adopts making me giggle even harder. "In fact I should probably warn you that these particular dance moves have a 99% success rate at attracting a mate."

"Oh is that right?" I smile as he reaches out to snake a hand around my waist in an attempt to draw me nearer. I let him, my hips knocking into his. "Well I'll considered myself warned then."

He's so close now, his warm lean body flush against mine as we both gyrate in time to the sultry beats. I ignore the little voice in my head that's reminding me to play it cool as I reach up to wrap my arms around his neck. I'm having far too much fun to stop. For all his cockiness and his petty little jealousies he doesn't take himself too seriously and it's refreshing. I let myself fully relax, my body melting against his as I feel his fingers flex gently around my waist. The song starts to fade out to be replaced by a slower-paced track and it feels like the most natural thing in the world when I rest my head on his shoulder as we gently sway.

It's just for support, I tell myself. I'm feeling a little unsteady after all those cocktails anyway.

"So... I've been thinking..." I hear his voice in my ear and I don't look up, just hum out a reply.

"Uh...huh?"

"Well... tomorrow we're gonna be heading up to Glasgow, but we're gonna have some free time when we get there, our TRNSMT set's not until Saturday evening..."

He pauses like he means to carry on, but he doesn't so I lift my head to look up at him. I'm well aware that there's free time tomorrow in the band's busy schedule once we arrive and I'd been quietly making my own tentative plans, wondering whether Sam might have already arrived in the city, imagining what kind of mischief I could get up to if I hopped tour buses for the afternoon. I can tell by Van's wide and hopeful eyes however that it won't go unnoticed if I do a disappearing act.

"Yeah, I was hoping to take a bit of time out actually. I've never visited Glasgow before. I've heard the shopping's supposed to be really good."

Van scrunches up his face. "Shopping? I actually had something else in mind..."

"Oh?" I enquire. I know exactly what his angle is and I wonder why he's being so hesitant. It's not his usual style. What you see is what you get with Van and he's normally so brash when he's suggesting that me and him spend time together, his intentions only too clear.

"Well, I thought me and you could do something, just the two of us..."

I raise up my eyebrows, waiting for the innuendo but it doesn't come. To my surprise he adds hesitantly "that's if you want to... don't wanna force ya to see me if you've already got plans."

He's giving me a way out and I should be taking it but I can't quite bring myself to do it, the little glimmer of hope in his eye and the way he's holding on to me tightly like he doesn't ever want to let me go sparking an unexpected warmth inside.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I find myself saying, watching his joyful smile break out. "Maybe we could go shopping after all though... reckon you could do with a whole new wardrobe!"

I tug on the sleeve of his shirt, teasing him about the frayed patch I'd noticed on his elbow earlier whilst he scoffs that there's nothing wrong with his style and how he'll never be a fashion victim.

The music picks up a pace again and Van starts twirling me around, serenading me with a hilarious version of R Kelly's Ignition that has me in stitches. I've completely forgotten about portraying the irresistible and enigmatic temptress that I'd aimed to be tonight.

"Stop Van, you're making me dizzy!" I gasp as he spins me round yet again, the effects of all the cocktails I've drank finally taking hold as I stumble inelegantly.

"Steady on love!" He laughs, strong hands on my waist as I right myself, the room still spinning even though I've come to a stop.

I spot Lisa at the bar and make my excuses to go and see her for a breather. Surprisingly it's a wrench to leave Van when I'm having such a good time, but I reason with myself that the night's still young and there's plenty of time for fun.

"Still not interested?" She grins as I totter over.

"I'm just having fun, that's all!" I say, leaning heavily on the bar as I feel my body suddenly pitch to the side. "Oops!"

"Looks like someone's been having way too much fun!" She laughs, shaking her head as I make a poor attempt at gracefulness in my drunken state, propping myself up awkwardly on an elbow. "Those cocktails are bloody strong, they've gone right to my head too. Think I'm gonna have a coke this time. What about you?"

"Another daiquiri for me please!" I announce brightly.

"Are you sure you want another? You look wasted already. Maybe you should slow down."

She looks concerned but I wave a hand at her dismissively. "I can handle my booze... I'm an expert!"

She frowns but orders me the cocktail anyway and when I thank her and scoop up my glass, ready to head back to the dance floor she stops me, her hand over mine as she gestures to a stool next to the bar.

"I just wanna have a word about something if that's okay... away from the lads."

I take a seat, full of curiosity as she slides into the seat next to me, angling her body so she's facing me head on.

"I know I don't know you very well Arabella, but I feel I know you well enough now to say what I'm about to say... it's about being careful on tour..."

I've had enough well-meaning... and not so well-meaning... lectures in my time to recognise the stilted tone of her voice, the way she smiles a little crooked, full of awkwardness. I sigh, bristling automatically. I really did think that Lisa was on my wavelength, another girl who understood my carefree attitude to relationships. Why can't people just mind their own business and let me live my life how I want to live it?

"Look... you don't need to say it, I've heard it a million times before and most of it's been from Larry. I'm just having fun right now and all the guys I meet know that, I'm not pretending like I want anything else from them. Honestly, why do guys get to shag around and no one says anything but girls get slated for it?"

I huff indignantly, folding my arms over my chest.

"You've not even heard what I was going to say!" She counters, sounding exasperated. "It's not that at all, and I agree with you. I'm all for sex positivity, believe me. It's just that not all guys are nice, especially in this industry. You need to watch out and be aware, there's so many snakes looking to take advantage, especially when it comes to pretty young girls like you."

"I can look after myself, I'm perfectly capable," I say defensively, conscious of the pronounced slur in my voice. I reach for my glass and take a long slurp of my cocktail, in no way deterred.

"I heard about you hooking up with Sam Fender after that party the other night," she says, eyeing me over the top of her drink. I prickle at the sound of Sam's name but the way she's looking at me tells me she's coming from a place of concern rather than judgement.

"Before you say anything Sam was a complete gentleman! He didn't take advantage of me at all... in fact if anything it was the other way round!"

She smiles, a hand resting on my arm as she leans in. "I've not met Sam personally but I've heard he's one of the good guys. I don't wanna sound condescending but I've been there. I was only eighteen when I first started gigging. Had this little band we formed in sixth form... god we were shocking..." She laughs at a distant memory, her eyes hazy for a moment before her serious expression is back. "We were dead young but it was wild back then. We'd play anywhere that'd have us, pub back rooms, social clubs, we didn't care as long as we got paid at the end of the night. Some of the after parties were legendary."

She pauses to take another sip of her coke and glances back over to where the lads are sitting. I follow her line of sight to notice that the band aren't sitting on their own any more. I recognise a few guys from off the tour bus and there's a small crowd of other lads that I've never seen before who look like they might be crew as well. I remember Lisa's earlier comment about the industry being male-dominated and I actually feel grateful that Lisa's here with me tonight. It's not that I don't thrive on male company but being amongst all friends is entirely different to being thrust into a group of mostly strangers. I can almost start to see where Larry's overprotective nature stems from... almost but not quite. I've never been out of my depth before, I'm always in control of situations. I actually consider myself to be a very good judge of character.

"So... tell me about these wild parties then," I turn my attention back to Lisa, hoping to divert from a potential lecture but her serious expression still lingers.

"I thought I was invincible back then, all I was bothered about was singing and having a good time. God... some of the states I used to get into... and some of the situations I found myself in. Looking back I was lucky that nothing really bad ever happened, but I had some close calls. I remember this one time in the back room of a gig we'd played..."

She trails off as she realises my attention's been taken as I distractedly dig in my handbag for my phone that I've just felt vibrating.

"Arabella... this is important! Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?"

I'm not but I don't have time to feel guilty for being so rude. I've just seen that Portia is FaceTiming me and I've not managed to speak to her properly since before the Sam incident. I mumble a quick 'sorry' to a dismayed Lisa before I'm downing my cocktail and rising up to stumble unsteadily to the toilets to take the call.

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (11)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 5.5k

warning: u alr know

a/n: went off the radar 4 a while only to pull 5k out of my ass. pls give me all the constructive criticisms <3

you were glad to have lost him in the crowd, hiding behind the shoulders of people until your ride showed up and took you back to the dorm--though that was probably a mistake on your part.

because when there's a knock at the door, you know it's him.

you also know you shouldn't open it; shouldn't allow him back in because there's no reason to hear him out.

but a part of you, so hurt by what he did--the scene still playing in your head and the image of it just as painful as the first time, it feels like there's a brick sitting on your chest whilst trying to catch your breath--that you just need some kind of consolation, even if it comes in the form of predictable lies and a bigger inevitable heartbreak.

want him to tell you that it was a mistake, that she was the one who threw herself onto him; that he never meant to hurt you... even if it wasn't a mistake and though he didn't mean to hurt you, he wasn't thinking of you.

"what?" you try to sound angry, maybe even a little bored to hide the fact you cried the entire ride here.

he stands tall outside your room but look the smallest you've ever seen him, dark hair falling over his eyes and speaking in a shameful voice, "can i talk to you?"

you sulk at that, a click of your tongue and turning around to go sit at the edge of your bed with arms crossed, as if there could an explanation for why he was all over someone else when you weren't there.

his hands gripping her hips and face in her neck the way only he's allowed to do to you.

"i promise that her and me are just friends," he says, shutting the door behind him and settling down beside you, but you're so upset and hurt, his leg just slightly brushing yours sparking a reaction like never before, you have to scoot over and put on some kind of distance.

“we’re…” he drags his words before finishing it off, “friends.” a smile settling on him after that makes you feel so sick–whether it’s from how attractive he still looks or how the answer brings out so many other questions.

“friends?” you reiterate like you’re in denial.

“yeah, friends.”

“do friends sleep with each other?” kiss each other, visit one another and spew such sweet, blush-inducing words that conjures up butterflies?

“some friends do.”

when you finally spare him a glance, you have to keep from giving in just at the guilt all over his face and that he actually came after you. but you're fast to renounce immediately when you see that dark, stained mark on his neck again staring back like someone hitting the replay button on your misery once more.

then all that comes out are just cold and bitter words said in the most unamused tone, san even thinks you sound sarcastic.

"she's a friend, i'm a friend, what's the difference?"

the harshness stuns him, though, what else did he expect? because even someone sweet and forgiving like you has a breaking point when pushed too far.

"you're not just a friend, y/n. you're--"

"i'm what?"

you await his answer, possibly a lie that will make you feel better and more special compared to every other girls he messes with. but the disappointment when he remains silence is strong, it consumes you completely.

"well, i'm sorry i ruined the night for you. i finished most of my assignments and just thought maybe we could hang out, but looks like you already got company. so truly, i'm sorry."

"don't say that."

"why not? it's true though. you were occupied when i got there."

"stop staying that!"

the volume picks you up from the seat, his delivery could've fooled anyone that it was just a blind accusation. but you realize; take in, that san doesn't like his own fuck-ups being thrown in his face. no one really does.

"look, i'm sorry. really sorry," he tries again, voice softer, attempting to calm you; calm himself.

but after everything, after building up your trust and filling your fragile heart with so much hope, all he can offer is a sorry. no lies or consolations because none of it was a mistake.

you suddenly feel like it's getting much harder to breathe, the brick on your chest multiplying by a million and cutting the airway.

"y/n?" san calls, his once shameful face turning concerned. "are you okay?"

but you certainly don't feel okay, and you honestly haven't for a long time. if ever. and every episode in the same fashion is a reminder of that.

"it's fine," you manage to let out, a bittersweet smile on and a response that san can't read into. "you didn't do anything wrong."

this isn't a relationship--a proper one at least, and he isn't your boyfriend. the hardest pill to swallow is he didn't have to come after you, didn't have to apologize... because a truth even harder to digest, is that he doesn't owe you anything.

but you can still hurt from it; allow the pain to settle in as if everything he's done with you is only exclusive to you and him. only you can kiss him, mark him, and his hands should only be on your hips. not anyone else.

and you do. you hurt from it so much, tears streaming down your cheeks so quietly but the sight such a sore to watch, san's not sure what to say to make it better.

can he even make it better?

there's nothing to clarify and nothing to add. you very clearly saw everything for what it was: he replaced you, just like that. and the sickest thing is that he did it so mindlessly like it's a habit. because that's what he does.

he didn't think you'd take it this hard, or maybe he was just hoping he wouldn't get caught because breaking you is easy... he's done it before, but he's afraid this is the worst, yet.

"y-you should go," you say suddenly, picking your head up to san's wide eyes staring back at your puffy red ones before you swipe your runny nose.

"i..." he fidgets, "i can't go right now. not with you like this."

he can almost laugh at the absurdity, the irony of it all when he's the reason you're in this state right now. he understands the absolute ridiculousness but he really can't go; leave you like this.

a shake of your head is what you give, along with a tight-lipped smile although the tears are starting to sting and it's still not any easier to breathe.

"go. i'll be fine."

"no."

you wish for once to understand san, what goes on inside his head and how he makes his choices, because no matter how much you find out about him, it seems you never really truly know who he is.

he will say one thing and then does another; do this then tell you that. hurt you then feel bad about it, like he never really means anything.

san confuses you.

and you also wish you're not so weak-hearted to let him stay by your side once more as if he's not capable of hurting you again.

the week has been tense, something unpleasant always in attendance when you're with san, even if he's trying his best to brush it off; ignore it, put a smile on his face and act as if it doesn't bother him, too.

as if the week before, he didn't nearly send you into a panic attack and the sight continuously ingrained in his head, it might've scarred him just a bit.

but you're honestly still not used to it--san actually staying around and constantly checking up on you to make sure everything's okay after what happened.

it's odd he actually gives a shit, but even odder you're starting to recognize the pattern of lovebombing every time he fucks up and you can't even find the willpower to be genuinely upset. maybe just a little tired at this point, but still going along to see where it will take you, a gut feeling that the end is near.

"what are you working on?" san's voice makes you jump, turning the laptop the other way immediately in a panic. moments ago, he was still occupied in his own world, you were so sure he wouldn't be interested in your exciting school works.

"just fixing up my draft for a class," you tell him, having to move the laptop even further when he tries stealing a glimpse again, a loose giggle escaping from his lips at the expression on you.

"what's wrong? don't want me to see it?" he raises a brow teasingly.

"it's just a silly little story," you dismiss, "full of mistakes and a lot of corrections that needs to be made."

"i'm sure it's not that bad. but anything from you, i'll read."

a charming smile rests on him and with words like a spell, you have to keep it together; remind yourself that this is the man who had hurt you and no matter how sweet or convincing he is, there's a chance he's gonna do it again, every seconds spent with him constantly in alert ever since, that if you can hardly say no, you can at least keep from showing any amount of joy or satisfaction around him.

"maybe next time."

he just nods lightly and backs up.

"whenever you're confident enough."

it's all so eerie, you might as well preferred when he treated you like shit instead. it's just unlike san to be so lenient, the offer to hang out having came from him when you had made clear he didn't have to because you would be leaving for work soon anyways.

but he was eager about staying regardless of how short the visit would be, it's hard to be touched when you're not at all convinced it's out of sincerity.

"i have to get ready for work." you close the laptop and search the room for materials you have prepared.

san twitches in his seat and swallows down before speaking.

"i'll come pick you up?"

freezing in your spot at that, you turn to him and shake your head.

"no, it's fine. i'll take a cab home like i always do."

the jab is subtle but san doesn't miss it, a look of shame and guilt on him, but he's fooled you one too many times, you can hardly believe anything anymore.

"please, y/n," he pleads, desperation overriding his features as he stands up and hovers over you, "i don't mind. as long as you let me."

as long as you let me. as if all this time, you weren't waiting for him to do his part; the only thing finally pushing him to act upon it now is when he has to.

"if you want," you give in, and he can tell it's only because you're in a hurry, the cold shoulder unlike anything he's ever experienced before. he can't say he doesn't deserve it, but it's definitely out of place coming from you.

it's also out of place he's even trying to make up; console you, everything of which he usually doesn't do, but he feels he owes you that at the very least... or maybe he's just not ready to let it go, yet.

the comfort, your presence, and the things you do for him. he don't want to let go of how easy everything is with you, he wish for it to last just a little longer despite knowing how it will end, but he is so, so selfish.

"i'll be there."

"wooyoung's party is tonight," you initiate during the third time he's picked you up after a work shift.

"so?" he shrugs.

"you're not going?"

"no."

"oh..." you sigh, slouching in the seat and looking out the window of his car. "if you want to, you can. you're not obligated to--"

"--can we please not talk about that?"

about the very thing that lead you two into the current predicament, no longer in each other arms and staring into the other's eyes lovingly, but with a gaze always so tense and uncomfortable that he's too responsible for.

"san, you don't have to do this. we're not even dating, and i... i don't really care about it anymore," your voice tapers out at the end, so utterly weak, you can't even carry a lie to the last breath because you definitely do still care, and it definitely still hurts like it's the first time.

but to be treated like a responsibility; an obligation he's bind to and have to act upon--it just doesn't sit right. you've already spent way too long being nothing but a burden.

"even if you don't care about it anymore, i feel bad, okay? that was awful of me to do, and i really want to make it up to you. i hurt you, i know i did."

it would be easy to go along with it, the fact he's even trying at all when the relationship is nameless; lacking of label--you should even be grateful to an extent. but the weight is harder to shake off, and every second with the conflict brewing makes you feel as if doom is coming and you're about to burst.

you don't say anything, only merely glancing out the window again to find some form of peace because even the subject is starting to wear you out at this point.

"i won't be attending any more of those parties," he speaks up after you're quiet for too long; the statement making your head snap to him.

"huh? you know you don't--"

"--i know i don't have to, but i wan't to, so please don't try to convince me otherwise."

and maybe the you before he went and fucked up the very last bit of faith you had left in him, would've been moved. but as of currently, you're all too aware of his intentions.

pushed to the edge and the trust in him nearly gone, he understands it will never be the same again. he just wishes even if for the last time, to be in your good grace, because though he doesn't want to let go yet, he don't know for how much longer he'll be able to stay.

the clock is ticking and the distance between you and him is growing more and more.

it would be a lot less painful if he stops everything here; save you the heartbreak and tears that are going to come, but again, he really is such an opportunist, always taking and never giving.

it's poor and tasteless to say that's just how he is, but it's the truth... so he throws himself down; stripped of dignity and pride, and all just for you... for the first and possibly, last time.

"goodnight," he whispers, voice soft and trying to light up the mood before the end of the night, because your eyes are nothing but dead.

"goodnight." it sounds almost like an inaudible and uninterested mumble, the life on you completely different from his.

the both of you just stare at each other, as if waiting for the other person to finally say the last call and end what would usually be a kiss and maybe bodies tangled together in a heated session, but now more like two acquaintances trying to make the best out of the situation.

"are you free tomorrow?" he asks, trying his very best.

and you suppose you've had far too many chances to make things right; lessen the pain and end what is already dead, but the undeniable truth is no matter how much you preach... you're also afraid to let go, if not, more than him.

"yeah."

~

"is that another story you're working on?" his voice rings in your ear, making your nervous eyes twitch to him.

"san!" you nag, and he only giggles in return, backing away from the screen before you're able to push him yourself.

"what? i just want to see." he shrugs.

"well, keep your eyes away." you nearly roll your own, huffing before switching to another tab.

"is it that bad?" the teasing tone is evident, prompting another glare from you.

"it's not a story. just something for my class."

"hmm," san hums, nodding, "when you said you were free, i didn't expect to be sitting on the side while you finish up class assignments."

"well, when i said free, i meant i'm not going anywhere."

"right." he nods sarcastically, "we should do something."

"like?"

"like going out, or if not, we can watch a movie of your choice, if you want something explicit like last time, i'm fine with that too." he smirks, and you have to hold back from overreacting.

"whatever," you dismiss quietly, handing the laptop over to him.

"you pick. i don't really have anything in mind right now."

but it's a mistake, because instead, san clicks on the document you were working on; the surge of panic making you pry the device from him harshly but he's a fighter, tugging even harder.

"san, if you don--"

with another jerk, you're pressed up against his chest and staring into those coy eyes you're all too familiar with, conjuring up butterflies that's been so long, you almost forgot how he made you feel, with his handsomeness and smile that's too easy to fall into.

he smirks before stealing a kiss to your cheek, releasing the laptop as you fall back gently while the blush crawls out.

"sorry," he says cheekily, but you know he doesn't really mean it.

you attempt to fight the smile at the tip of your lips, biting down to conceal as much as possible, san thinks it's extremely endearing.

it's also been way too long since he's kissed you, and seeing the first genuine reaction in such a long while, nothing reminiscent of hatred or bitterness does make him feel a certain way.

~

it's only supposed to be dinner at san's place (at first). he invites you and says he wants to do something for the weekend, and it's not like you're going to decline when he's doing everything--as well as picking you up.

it's always casual at first; conversation, gestures, and everything.

you're starting to lose the edges a bit ever since that day, san witnessing more smiles than frowns and you don't look like you completely hate him, so he thinks, maybe things can be good again.

his apartment always feel homey, though you don't always feel welcomed every time... it is very nicely decorated.

roaming the interior and everywhere you guys have been before, you have to keep from really thinking too much; close out the thoughts of who else he brings here and where exactly he kissed them.

rather than forgiving san, you just kind of became... numb to it all.

the reminder isn't as frequent, but every time you do remember, the hit is still sharp and you'd have to catch your breath, but you've just gotten better at acting like it doesn't bother you anymore.

when the aroma from the kitchen finally settles in, it knocks any other thoughts out of your head and becomes the primary focus as you start sniffing the air.

"let me set everything up," san speaks from behind, walking past you to get to the kitchen.

and it starts like that. a nice dinner at his much smaller kitchen island filled with soft laughters and a genuine interest for each other, it's everything you envisioned if things were right.

when he offers some soju, you don't drink too much as the taste of alcohol in general still something you're not used to, but you drink enough to get tipsy.

enough to loosen up and not feel completely like yourself, but also not enough to still know that when san crashes his lips against yours, it's all kinds of wrong that only feels right in the moment.

the one that you will come to regret once you're sober enough and really think. but maybe your life is as messed up as it is because you never really do, always drawn to temptation over logic.

san is going to be your biggest downfall and he won't be the only one at fault.

you kiss him back and throw both arms around his neck, the slight flavor of the drink he had still lingering and you don't miss the scent that comes along with it as he manages to pick you up and throw down your body onto the couch.

you miss the way he feels on your skin, and he misses your skin on his lips, which is why the first kiss delivered to your neck is the only gentle one before he loses himself.

what comes after that is cliche and obvious.

it doesn't feel right but it does feel good. both of you panting and trying to catch your breaths as he snap his hips into yours and gets a curse out of you.

"oh fuck..." you bite down your lower lip and your nails only digs deeper into the skin of his back at the sensation.

so you sleep with him that night, the shame only hitting when the morning sun rises and you awake to his bare chest pressed against your back and his arm wrapped around your waist.

he's still sleeping and he's absolutely beautiful as always.

you wonder, aside from breaking a foolish girl's heart over and over again, what kind of things has san managed to get away with just because he's as mesmerizing as he is.

it would be easy for someone like him.

but shame can only do so much and last for so long before you submit to temptation again and sleeps with him a few more times after as well, just because he's good at pretending you mean something to him, and you're all too good at self destruction and fooling yourself that when he stayed all those nights with you until morning, it's because of something else and not what you already know.

the park is quiet; empty, not a single soul in sight other than you and the boy who came along as the small talks take you both in under the moonlight.

"have you always liked writing?" he asks, and you can't help the scoff that leaves, because when did choi san become so invested in mindless hobbies and things you do to pass time. or in this case, something you still haven't quite grasped that still feels much like a chore because it is tied to a class in the first place.

"no." you shake your head, walking along the narrow path as the summer breeze rustles the branches of the trees.

"i only recall slightly that you like computers."

"kind of. yeah," you confirm short and simple, not about to have that conversation again about why it wasn't meant to be.

san is selfish, in the most vain and obvious fashion that doesn't take a genuis to figure out. you believe he knows so himself and holds very little shame from the fact.

eventually, his mask will unveil and it's not like he ever tried hard enough to hide it because you're also selfish in your own ways.

you may not be calculating like san is, but to have keep him around this long and to say it's not because of your own stupid desires and wants would be a lie.

that you also don't use him to fill the hurt and emptiness in your life, chasing after him so hard because he's the closest to the kind of love you've always wanted.

because if you weren't, you would've let him go.

someone like san won't ever be able to love you, and even if he did, how long would it be until he realizes the commitment to one person is all too much and gets bored?

even now, you wonder if he enjoys the time with you at all. because who would rather hang with you than be out at an obnoxious party? but he can still offer temporary relief, and that's awful of you to say, but he was the first to be selfish and will continue to be until the last breath of the 'relationship' so why can't you also?

time seems like it's closing out and you're not sure how much longer the two of you can play pretend before the inevitible shows itself.

"what about you?" you perk to him, blinking your lashes charmingly. "you talked of dancing and performing before, so how come i've only heard about it once?"

a half scoff half laugh escapes from him and turning his attention to the path instead like you just asked a ridiculous question.

"well, i kind of already told you why, but i just don't got much passion for it nowaday."

“i’m not sure,” is all he says, a small sigh of disappointment escaping from you that goes unheard. “i wanted to major in dance and performance, but…”

“but?”

“but i can’t make a living or lifestyle out of it. so i didn’t.”

"i remember. but if you considered it, the passion must had been there once upon a time."

"oh yeah, definitely."

you hesitate for a second, but there's not a lot to lose at this point.

"i'd love to know, if you don't mind telling me."

it takes another couple of steps, but he does answer with very little objection much to your surprise.

"wooyoung got me into it, believe it or not."

"wooyoung was in on it, too?"

"yeah." san laughs. "i was an even worse dancer before i met him. but yeah, was in some sort of club or group for it in high school and we performed at some school events, but that's pretty much it. nothing really worth calling back to."

"no, that's great. it takes a lot of courage to go up there, cause i wouldn't have had the guts. i think i would pass out."

"oh, i know," he teases, and you shoot an unserious glare his way.

"and what about wooyoung? did he go into performance?"

san shakes his head.

"nah. undecided also, but i don't think he's stressing out too much about it. from his parents alone, he would be able to land a sweet job even if he got kicked out."

you nod, a snarky smile on your lips.

"yeah, true."

rich kids and their privileges.

after a few more strolls in silence around the area, san suggests taking a break from walking, both of you plopping onto the bench with tired breath puffing into the air.

it's your first time at this park, but it's not too big and has a nice amount of benches, but more so, the location is convenient because it's a good distance from the dorm which means less chance of your friends finding out.

"dance for me," you demand out of thin air, san turning to meet your gaze a few seconds before a laugh tumbles out, thinking you're most likely joking.

"i'm serious." you sit up and adjust your shirt slightly.

"it's been almost an entire year since i last danced to anything, i'm rusty now."

"so? i want to see. come on," you continue to urge, scooting even closer because then, he might give in.

"this is ridiculous. you're going to make fun of me."

you shake your head, desperate to prove the sincerity.

"i won't. i know you'll do great."

he lets out a defeated sigh before getting up with a "fine" and sees the biggest smile of the night on you.

"but you owe me something in return, too." he points finger and you wave it off.

"sure..." pulling your phone out, you look up to ask, "so what song?"

"uh... exo... overdose?" it's been a while to be fair, and san usually isn't one to hold things in memories, no matter the importance. short term or long term.

the song starts and he nods to the music, a few movements here and there trying to recall but he's struggling a bit, you can tell, unable to help the giggle that comes out because the sight is endearing.

"skip to the chorus."

and you do, eyes trained on him without detracting and watching as the recollection seems to creep up, his execution still a little jumbled and he doesn't look like he's 100% confident, but you know you've never seen anyone moved like that in your lifetime.

not that you know anything about dancing or whatever, but you've definitely never met a dancer, so to see someone work their body and move it so effortlessly, you're impressed for sure.

san doesn't even realize the chorus's over until you start clapping, the muscle memory just naturally leading him to the next beat.

it's been a while since he's moved like that and the sense of comfort that comes from it is weird, but welcoming in a way. it was quite fun, he thinks.

you're still clapping when he sits down again, the thin smile on you eventually turning into something more.

"you said you're rusty but you did so good! you even remembered it!"

"bleh," he dismisses, detaching from your gaze to stare out at the emptiness in front, "just muscle memory."

your next set of compliments blurs into muffled voices for him at the same time conflicts run round in his head, snapped back when you bring up, "want to stay over? yuna said she won't be back until morning."

it's the longest he ever takes to say a short and breathless, "yeah..." walking back with you to the dorms but feeling like a completely different person, it's frightening the way he just flip flops emotions, it raises the hair at the back of your neck from what you thought was a harmless and even entertaining situation.

but san seems to have taken it otherwise because the silence is anything but comforting, you fear this is it.

you unlock the door and settle your things first, your shoulder just barely angled his way when san annouces he's going to take a shower.

when you imagined the end, you think of a screaming match; at each other's throats and just absolutely the ugliest way possible. but this just might be worse... it's always worse when it comes unexpected.

but unexpected is such a loose term at this rate, because between you and san, there is so much hurt and so many unspoken wounds beyond repair from all the chasing.

you're so broken and san is not good for you, but for your own selfish desire, you wish he would stay, even if for one more night.

when you're near asleep from all the waiting, your heavy eyes failing to keep focus on the wall, the sound of the door creaking followed by footsteps until his chest is against your back gives you the biggest sign of relief, it's quite pathetic.

that he's going to stay and whatever came over him was just momentarily and you're all too good at overthinking.

you let sleep take over, hopeful that when you wake up, he will still be next to you.

~

san thinks that if you ever allowed yourself to think you're worse than him even once, you're absolutely out of your mind--which, you are, because he don't doubt you've thought of it.

you're quite skilled at leading the fault back to your own.

but if you're the one to pull the gun out, he would be the one to pull the trigger. and if you were to ever commit a crime, he would be the mastermind behind it.

if you're selfish, he will always be more selfish than you.

when he gets so much more than what he bargains for, coming to the realization over and over again that it's not good to recognize your touch and lose himself in your smile, he wants to run again. the way he always does.

it's how he handles unwanted emotions and practically anything not on his fucking list.

he will start something on impulse and trying to make up to you was definitely that, and it will end the same way.

he started this with you for all the wrong reasons and now, it's way past the due date.

~

you wake to very little light in the room, tossing lightly to gain your conscious, but heart suddenly dropping when you can sense the cool air of nothingness gliding against your back.

back that you thought would've been protected by a certain boy. but when you finally turn around, the worst pain yet hits you right in the face.

the space next to you is empty, and all there's left of san is a note taped to the side of the nightstand that you can only faintly see, but know every letter to.

'i'm sorry'

next // series m.list

taglist: @sorryimananti-romantic @revehosh @cookiechristie @avantalem @atiny68 @sannwa @shibera @mochibabycakes @justineasian @eastleighsblog @baguette-atiny @crimson-mia @yeosxxx @sleepychimm @atz-diary @diorwoo @naiify @becauseiloveyunho @damagelove @softie00 @s-nsanshine @atinytinaa @moonseonghwa @lemontreefantasy @wooyoung4eva @yeosangsbiceps @likexaxdaydream @knucklesdeepmingi @barbielibra @tmtxtf @brown88 @harusoraa @frankenstein852 @yujispinkhair @mermaid17venus @nolxverlikeme @writersun @kkayfan @wooyoungjpg @galaxypox @byunniebaekhyunnie @vixensss @interweab @svintsandghosts

[beanghostprincess]

This is me, the Lamikkaku anon. You wanted to hear more so here it is:

Firstly, I wanted to talk about how Lami survived. Basically she ran from the hospidal looking for Law and was found by marines. Luckily Vice admiral Tsuru was there, and feeling compassion towards the girl she took her in and decided to help her. Thanks to Tsuru washing Lami with her devil fruit the white amber lead desease isn't deadly anymore but its still a persistent/chronic illness and Lami has to be washed very often. This is kept as a secret only she and Tsuru know.

So she grows up in the marines, she isn't too fond of them and dislikes the goverment for obvious reasons but she has no where else to go and reconises Tsuru as a good person. I think she knows who Corasan is. She never met him since he was already with Doflamingo by the time she was rescued, by Sengoku must have went on and on about his kid and how great he is. Until, you know, the deranged gay bird kills him.

When Lami is a older she hears about this piraye named Trafalgar Law and immediately reconises him. She can't say anything of course because he is a pirate and she is a marine, but it gives Lami some hope. Eventually she joins SWORD and decides that she will at least try to meet her brother. She appears on Dressrosa but since shit gets really bad she is too occupied to talk to Law, but she manages to listen to Law and Sengoku's conversation.

Eventually she decides to join XDrake as a spy in Kaidou's beast pirates because she heard about the ninja-pirate-mink-samurai alliance and once Law gets there they reunite. There is tears, catching up, and Law uses his powers to finally get rid of Lami's amber lead desease so she isn't 100% dipendednt from Tsuru's powers anymore.

She helps during the raid and really bonds with the Hearts: she thinks that Bepo is adorable, finds Pemguin and Shachi to be humorous but the one she likes the company the most if is Ikkaku. She leaves with them instead of going back to the marines after the raid.

But of course, Blackbeard has to be an asshole and now Law is separated from his sister again. HOWEVER all of the hearts survived (if this isn't canon I will explode) and they ended up is some uncharted island were they try their best to trive and build a raft or something. All of their equipment got destroyed.

Its around this time that Lami and Ikkaku grow very close, and eventually it just blossoms into a full on romance. The others are worried Law might freak out but Ikkaku reassures them that she is, in fact, the only person here worthy of dating the captain's sister.

Okay, first of all, I love your brain. I want to open your skull and idk, grab a straw and drink from it. This is altering my brain chemistry- Okay. AAAAAAAAAAAA. I have so many thoughts. (The first post about this if somebody is interested).

I absolutely love everything about this. It's such a good way to make Lami survive. She joins the Marines but she doesn't actually wanna be there, it's just her way of surviving. But still, she manages to be one of the good marines. In fact, joining SWORD also means she probably meets Koby/Hibari/Helmeppo and I can't stop thinking about them actually getting along pretty well? When she finds out Law is alive and she decides to go undercover too to see him, the only people who know about her true reasons are those three. I just find it cute. Luffy's biggest fan (Koby) and Law's biggest fan (Lami) being friends is something really funny to me.

When they see each other again in Wano, Law can't believe it. For a whole second, he actually believes he's getting tricked somehow. It has to be some devil fruit user or- Or maybe he's losing his mind. The heart pirates don't know what's going on, but Law stands there, astonished and static and about to cry. When he never, ever cries in front of anybody that isn't Bepo (or Shachi/Penguin/Ikkaku but that's if his mental state is on the verge of collapsing even more than usual). Long story short, there's no time to explain everything but Lami tells him the important things and decides she's going to stay with him. The girl doesn't even care about whether she's a marine or not, she just breaks the cover and goes "well, change of titles now. Brother, I am going with you" and tbh Law doesn't find it appropriate. He doesn't want his little sister to be a pirate. He wants her to have a normal life and live in peace the way she deserves. But she reminds him that she's (was) a marine. She's strong. She can fight and she will fight, whether he likes it or not. And look, she's always been cute and cheerful but now she's also stubborn, so he can't say no to her. Besides, having her in the crew also means having her close, so that's a win for him. It'll be easier to keep her safe like that (even if she can actually fight on her own).

And let me tell you. Her dynamic with the Heart Pirates is amazing.

Everybody loves her and they seriously question if she's truly Law's sister because she is... So different from him. She's sweet and fun and upbeat and everyone is side-eying Law like "Are you sure this girl isn't like... mistaking you for another person?" and Law is about to cut Shachi and Penguin in half if they don't shut up about that. She loves Bepo. She adores him. Bepo loves her back. She won't let go of him. They're best friends now and she considers him to be the most adorable thing on earth. Also, she trusts him with her life since he's Law's first mate and that means Law trusts him too. Law thinks he's going to have a heart attack because he doesn't know if he loves this situation (his favorite people together) or if he hates it (what if they like being together more??? Without him???? He's a bit jealous). Lami also loves Shachi and Penguin. They love her back. Law hates it because they're even more chaotic together and they won't stop being touchy with his sister (not in a weird way, they're just a very affectionate crew and Lami loves hugging them back). Lami indulges them and follows them in everything they do and Law is so, so tired. He keeps telling them to stop acting like that but Shachi and Penguin always say "But you never hug us back!!" / "Yeah, captain! She's sweeter and cuter and way nicer!" and Law is about to lose it. The only one that doesn't make Law furious is Ikkaku, surprisingly so. Ikkaku is just so nice and fun to be around that Lami loves her right away. She has never had actual friends outside the Marines and she's so excited to start this new life with them! Ikkaku shows her around the ship and explains every little thing to her, and Lami is so, so thrilled to finally be free of everything that was holding her back. The thing is-- Lami feels guilty for what happened because she thinks she could've saved Law somehow or- Or maybe met him earlier than this. She doesn't want to tell him because she knows it will only hurt him, so she opens up to Ikkaku instead, and she's the one to comfort her and understand her better. Lami also asks Ikkaku to tell her about Law and what kind of person he is now. What kind of adventures they've had. Ikkaku and Lami grow closer and closer and they're the girls™ of the crew. Also, Lami is a very lesbian disaster and Ikkaku is also a lesbian mess, so Ikkaku flirts with her shamelessly, and Lami blushes and giggles and kicks her feet. While Lami flirts with Ikkaku without even noticing, and Ikkaku faints every time. Shachi and Penguin have a bet going on about them.

Not to mention that everybody is weirded out by Law's behavior now. Now that Lami is back in his life, he looks... Happier? He smiles more. Like. Actual laughs and smiles. He's so sweet and protective when it comes to Lami it's just odd to see him like that. He kisses her forehead and hugs her and whenever she's playful and teases him, he actually laughs and has fun. Bepo is like "Oh, true, you haven't seen captain like this, right? Isn't he cute?" when the Strawhats see this, and they're all like "More than cute it's just... Unsettling". Honestly, the heart pirates couldn't be happier for their captain. Talking about the Strawhats: Since they're all in Wano and Lami is helping them out, she meets them there. And I think, since Lami and Koby are friends, that she would instantly love and admire Luffy. The whole crew would again be saying "Is this seriously your sister, Torao?" and she'd go "Torao?? They call you Torao??" / "No. They don't. Don't give her ideas-" / "It's okay, Torao-" / "Fuck". And now Law is having the worst time of his life because Luffy and Lami get along and he's starting to lose it. But, anyway, they're happy, so whatever. He's just glad she's alright.

And this has nothing to do with Lamikkaku but I think Lami is religious (I think it's pretty obvious, like, the religious background in Law's story). After everything fucked up that happened to them, Law stopped believing for obvious reasons. But Lami sometimes prays and talks about God and fate and Law is very against that because "If God exists, why would he let this happen to us? If somebody as powerful as that makes us go through this suffering, I don't think it deserves to be worshipped" and Lami just smiles softly and says: "I can see your view. But still, believing isn't accepting everything God does. I guess it's dumb, isn't it? But I like to think Mom and Dad are in a better place now. I like to think that you'll be in a better place if they take you away from me again" and Law can't fight against that. Then, Luffy Gear 5th happens and Law has a whole catholic crisis. But that's for another day. Make this Lawlu if you feel like it. The point is Nika my beloved-

Now, Lamikkaku moment:

They survive the fight against Blackbeard. All of them. Except for the Polar Tang (RIP, you were an amazing ship, darling). So they end up on a deserted island and... Things are bad. They're all devastated. The first thing Law does is look for Lami to check if she's alright. And she is, kind of. They're all glad they're fine, but they've lost their ship. Their equipment. Their food. And instead of resting and thinking about it, Law is already trying to plan something to escape from here, feeling responsible and guilty and-- Both Lami and Bepo are the most concerned, but they're all going through a rough time. While they get back on their feet, Ikkaku and Lami get even closer. Lami is close to Law constantly because she's pretty much the only person that he can open up to and rest with whenever he's overworking himself. He only sleeps when she's around. Etc etc. But Lami can't deal with all of that on her own and it's obvious, so it's Ikkaku the one looking after her. Lami won't lose faith in God for this, but she's still pretty frustrated that something like this has happened to them again. Ikkaku tells her that sometimes is the people around you you have to rely on and not just God, even if it does help most of the time to believe in something like that. They spend most of their time together. Sleep together. Lami has nightmares and Ikkaku helps. Ikkaku is trying her best to cheer up the crew along with Shachi and Penguin but it's hard, and she's working hard to maintain the order too. Lami admires her strength because she hasn't seen her falter or hesitate yet in the time they've been there, and Ikkaku just says that it's what a pirate does. Get back on their feet and fight. And besides, if the crew needs somebody to rely on while their captain is busy/going through it, she doesn't mind being the voice of the reason. And Ikkaku is not a Goddess, but Lami is starting to feel the same trust and comfort she feels when praying while she's next to her. One thing leads to another and they end up falling for each other rather quickly. They don't want to tell Law yet, because he's... Not ready for news. But Bepo/Shachi/Penguin find out at some point and they're sure Law is going to be furious (because he won't let any of them go near Lami romantically) but Ikkaku is sure it won't happen. She's sure Law will be happy for them. First of all, because Lami keeps saying Law only wants the best for her and would never go against that. And second of all, because Ikkaku says that if Law ever had to let somebody date his sister, it would be Ikkaku. Law ends up finding out because, you know, these three can't keep their mouth shut. And he surprisingly doesn't care. In fact, in a moment of desperation, it makes him so happy to see his sister finding love. He tells Ikkaku in private to take care of her, and she only smiles and says "Aye, captain" and Lami overhears, so she ends up hugging him right after.

They're clingy but their presence and PDA aren't annoying. It's just sweet. They hold hands and kiss and they keep teasing each other, and it brings a new energy to the crew. It gives Law hope. If Lami has managed to come back, they'll be able to come back stronger too. Of course, they're a bit chaotic too since they're pretty different to Law, but it's alright. As time passes by, Ikkaku ends up teasing Law about it and she can't help but make the 'I fucked your sister' jokes because, c'mon, how could she not? Lami finds it hilarious, and she knows Law isn't really that angry at Ikkaku at the end of the day. Ikkaku seems like the cool, protective one, but in reality, whenever there's a fight and people underestimate Lami, Ikkaku just stares at her like "That's my girl <3" while she kicks ass. Basically, they're the cutest, most supportive girls, and Law just knows Cora is happy for them too.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Letters from Pegasus, Pt. 2

While McKay returns to his lab to work on the plan, Sheppard finds himself something to occupy himself with. We find them in the control platform with Zelenka, looking at the long-range sensor read-out of the wraith ships and Zelenka's projection on their probable route toward Atlantis. Sheppard actually tells Weir: "Teyla and I were just deciding which planet to go to." That is, Sheppard and Teyla had been discussing what to do while a member of their team is otherwise occupied, and since they could not ask McKay to give them information, they had roped in Zelenka. Weir had joined them some time after. Their plan was to do a recon mission

I'll draw your attention to the fact that Sheppard once more has his hand between himself and Weir. He also does not turn his body toward her as he speaks to her, only his head. Most of the conversation he keeps his eyes fixed on the screen like that is where his focus is, and that's where his focus should be, too. Zelenka, Teyla, Weir and Sheppard are all acting like normal people, co-workers discussing work. Especially Sheppard and Zelenka's interaction lets us contrast his behaviour with a scientist with his scientist.

And I know that I'm belabouring the point, but see how he gestures with his hand like he is subconsciously establishing a perimetre there between himself and Weir.

There is something off about Sheppard's tone in this scene. Like he's putting up some kind of a pretense either for Weir or for all of them. What ever he is actually feeling at this time, he is concealing it underneath this charming, boyish persona. Like he's purposefully trying to keep his demeanor light--and this might just be a response to the wraith approaching, as he is standing in front of the screen that displays their approach while he acts this way. The fact that Teyla's voice shakes as though she is suppressing fear when she points to the planet where the wraith will be attacking next just highlights the false nature of Sheppard's upbeat attitude.

We are once again reminded of the fact that Sheppard is quite sharp:

Weir: How do you expect to reach them in a Puddle Jumper? Sheppard: We fly to a Stargate en route that Zelenka thinks they're gonna drop out of hyperspace and we watch ‘em pass by. Weir: That's good. Sheppard: Well, I have my moments.

He says that he has his moments in order to downplay his intelligence in current company. It's one thing for McKay to know he could have passed the Mensa test but there is really no tactical advantage in letting people know just how smart you are. Weir tells them to come back before McKay is done and Sheppard has no problem with this because he probably hadn't even planned to stay gone longer than McKay is occupied:

Sheppard: Stealth mode. They won't even know we're there. Weir: OK. Go. Get what intel you can and get back--before Rodney sends his message. I need the both of you here. Sheppard: Won't even stop at the duty free!

Sheppard has a physical reaction to Weir mentioning Rodney by name. As soon as she says the name, he looks to his right and shifts his footing. He doesn't appear to look at anything in particular, doesn't necessarily have even time to think about anything in particular, but it is interesting that his body has an automated response just to the mention of McKay.

Weir issues Sheppard an order not to take on the wraith on his own and this, once more, seems like her overstepping her post. This is very much a military matter and it should be up to Sheppard's discretion what should be done about it. Still, she issues a direct order and he even acknowledges that the order was received which is relevant for later. However, he also lies to Weir and while we have seen him lie many times before, here we are asked to pay attention to it through his facial expression.

Weir tells her not to take on wraith ships "on yourself". Sheppard confirms that he will not take on an alien armada single-handed. While he looks to his side at Teyla. He says "single-handed", then looks at Teyla, and only then confirms the order. Because, while he may not be planning on doing anything drastic at this particular moment, he is keeping his options open. And if it just so happened that they were called to do something, doing it with Teyla is not doing it single-handed. It's a loop-hole. It is acknowledging the letter of the law but not the law itself.

Weir is not military and clearly does not know how to issue direct orders. And here, we see Sheppard retain his option for seeing things a little different if need be, to keep the option of making his own calls. Also note that you have to be able to read Sheppard's expression to understand what actually happens in the scene. It's a visual cue that is a key to interpreting the dialogue.

It is somewhat odd that Ford does not seem to be a part of their plan and is not going on the mission with them. Ordinarily, they would all go but currently McKay is otherwise occupied. And yes, obviously Ford needs to stay back to be able to record everyone's messages but he has not been assigned the task yet so he has no motivation for staying behind. The only explanation for him not accompanying them is that Sheppard leaves him behind to make sure McKay is safe while he is away. This imminent threat looming over them, he is not taking any chances. There is also a really big marine standing guard during the meeting of the senior staff later on which we've never seen happen before so clearly Sheppard has been taking precautions. And this guy seems to be keeping an eye on McKay in particular. Not that everyone wouldn't know just how important he is to the expedition.

It's also curious that this scene in the meeting room cuts directly to Sheppard and Teyla in the jumper discussing the topic of what he might do if his dear friend was in danger from the wraith:

Teyla: If someone close to your family--a dear friend--was in danger of being taken by the Wraith, would you have not done the same? Sheppard: Not if it jeopardised the mission.

The thing is, we see over the seasons that what ever moral code Sheppard has, what ever ethical principles he operates on, he is willing to break each and every one of them for McKay. We see him not only be prepared but actually do some pretty darn dark things to keep McKay safe. He actually is willing to doom the entire human race including his closest friends (and himself, naturally) for this man, and he would do it without a second thought. He wouldn't even feel bad about it. This is why Col. Sumner and Gen. O'Neill told Weir that he's a liability. This is the little different that Sheppard is willing to see through. McKay is the exception to every rule he has.

So, Sheppard and Teyla gate to a planet where she has some acquaintances. She makes the introductions, and we are reminded of the passage of time and that the characters have changed from when we first met them:

Orin: Look at you! You're so different! Teyla: Much has changed since my last visit.

Orin looks at Sheppard curiously as Teyla introduces them, clearly thinking that the two of them are an item. They are of the opposite sex and out there alone together, that is all that it takes for someone to come to this conclusion.

Relevant to this episode is the fact that Orin has a family, one that Teyla wishes to save. The concept of family comes up several times in the episode, especially the concept of the found family, the family that is created out of the people of one's choosing. Although there is not much interaction between Sheppard and McKay in this episode, as stated, we learn that they have very similar feelings when it comes to this concept.

You can tell that family is a particularly difficult topic for Sheppard in how he turns his head away the moment Teyla mentions the word family, as to escape the very thought of it. I would also bet good money on this man resembling Sheppard's father at least to some extent as Sheppard and Orin do share features as they are stood here facing each other. This man seems kind, he seems like a good man. The resemblance must be... superficial.

Sheppard seems initially reluctant to jeopardize their mission to save these villagers, causing friction between himself and Teyla. Teyla tells him "It is the very least we can do" with a pointed look, reminding him of the fact that it was their actions that unleashed the wraith upon these worlds but in spite of Sheppard feeling the full weight of the guilt for having caused this, he tells them that he cannot make the promise to save this man and his family.

Back on Atlantis, they are having another meeting discussing what all they should be sending with the information package back to Earth. Since Sheppard is not present for this meeting, we are able to see how different the interaction is when he is absent. Weir compliments McKay who actually responds in a modest way just like Sheppard did earlier regarding his intelligence, having his moments. McKay hears Weir calling what he has done 'incredible,' so he's telling her that it's actually the algorithm that has done most of the work, it's perfectly credible for him to have fit the data they have deciphered into the data burst.

McKay: I've included a ton of data that we've been able to decipher from the Ancient database. Weir: Really? That is incredible! McKay: Well, the algorithm I've devised is extraordinarily efficient, yes. Beckett: Oh, please!

But that's not what the people around the table hear, and Beckett especially seems to roll his eyes at McKay's perceived arrogance (surely taking pride in one's work is not arrogant; arrogant would be him making promises he couldn't deliver). We have never seen him do this when Sheppard has been present probably because he wouldn't dare. They all just seem to take it for granted that Sheppard is always going to side with McKay and vice versa. That Sheppard would jump to his rescue. This time, it is Weir that acknowledges the work that he's done for them:

Weir: It must be, in order to fit all that data into one point three seconds. McKay: Point three seconds, actually. Weir: We have a whole extra second to fill?! McKay: A whole extra one, yes. Weir: Is it enough to include personal messages? McKay: Uh, sure--I mean, several hours of video. Much more if it was strictly audio.

The other notable thing is McKay's reaction to the possibility of sending messages back to Earth. If the concept of family seemed uncomfortable to Sheppard, the concept of sending personal messages to Earth seems to be the same to McKay. He can't even get any words out at first. It had not even occurred to him that it a) could be done and that b) anyone would want to do it. The thought also seems to make him uncomfortable.

Like Teyla, he also has changed a lot during his time on Atlantis and this, much more so than the possibility of sending information and mission reports back to Earth, forces him to think back on his life--his non-life--back on Earth. Some people seem to have left behind something worth remembering but he does not think that he has anything back there worth sending messages to. Ford, on the other hand, is instantly excited and has a specific person in mind:

Ford: I could tell my grandma what I've been up to all this time. Weir: Well, if your grandmother had security clearance, yes, you could! But for now you can tell her that you're well--and that you miss her. McKay: This is all very charming, but, um, I have work to do -- shouldn't I, uh…?

McKay seems extremely discomfited by this possibility. But note Weir's reference to the security clearance. They emphasize this multiple times in the episode--the messages cannot contain classified information unless the receiver has the proper security clearance. And although Ford, assigned by Weir to take care of filming the messages assures them that no one will see the messages besides the recipient, it's clear that they are going to undergo a security check. Beckett even comments on this later:

Ford: Well, don't worry. The only people who'll see it is gonna be your family. Beckett: Aye--and you and the US military!

That is, it is explicitly confirmed that members of the military are going to review the tapes before they are sent to anyone--if they are sent to anyone. McKay's message to his sister, for one, seems never to have reached her, although I will argue here that sending a message to his sister was but an afterthought, anyway. McKay actually started recording the message for a whole other purpose.

In the earlier meeting, McKay mentioned that he had done the coding for the Air Force, and he nodded toward Sheppard as he said this. It reminds us about the fact that McKay is on the USAF payroll (and answers to the Chiefs of Staff, as per his own witness). The reason why we need to remember and were hence reminded about this state of affairs is that McKay has been doing civilian contracting for the military, and specifically for the Air Force, for a very long time and he knows how it works. He knows the ins and outs of their politics and, if we assume that he is something other than straight, he is also familiar with all of the issues faced by gay and bisexual men in the military at this time.

Because members of the military are bound by a code of conduct, it falls on the civilian to make an exaggerated performance of heterosexuality so that if and when anyone is seen with them, they will be assumed to share in this (cf. Moebius in SG-§ for an example of him doing this). If he performs over-the-top straightness then anyone seen with him will be interpreted as straight because that kind a person, naturally presumed to be homophobic, would not hang around with the 'queers'.

To her credit, Weir seems to notice that McKay is being weird about the whole sending messages thing:

Weir: Rodney? McKay: Hm? Weir: You don't wanna send a message to anyone? McKay: You know what? Maybe with all my spare time I'll just record a message myself… you? Weir: Yes. McKay: Good, good.

So, McKay was not originally going to record a message. He clearly refers to spare time sarcastically, as he has had precious little of it lately. He also had no one in mind to send a message to; no one back on Earth that was significant enough for him to say anything to. In this, he and Sheppard seem to be alike. They were both lonely, although for different reasons. Sheppard had isolated himself to the Antarctic so as not to get attached to anyone he might get killed. McKay had been banished to Siberia for being unlikable--or at the very least he felt that way. He had been meeting new people with an abrasive attitude to take the sting out of the eventual rejection. If you're not really trying to connect with anyone it won't hurt so much when they don't want to get to know you. So yes, both men were alone and lonely (and cold, seems like) on Earth. And then, here, they had found a home and a family. In the expedition at large, in all the people in this small community, but most of all in each other. Everything McKay cared about is on Atlantis, so why does he decide to start recording a message with "several valuable insights" to "humanity in general"?

Even though he remembers his sister toward the end of his recording session and does record a heartfelt message to her reflecting what family means to him now that he has finally found one, that wasn't the motivation. When he started recording the message, he was recording it to SGC personnel, to the USAF, to which ever official would be going through the tapes, to Samantha Carter whom he was certain would be the one decoding the message (and not because he has any special attachment to her but because she's an USAF officer that he happens to know; and a woman at that). He starts recording the message for (although not to) Sheppard.

This is pretty much confirmed by the fact that Ford asks Zelenka: "You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?" reminding us of the fact that unless the recipient has the proper security clearance, they could not say anything classified on the message. McKay's entire message was full of things that would never pass a security check, off the bat he starts with describing their fight against the wraith "deep within the Pegasus galaxy". He knew there was no goddamn way anyone besides military personnel would be watching his video. It's entirely possible they never sent his message to his sister because it didn't pass the check as he had only remembered he had a sister half-way through recording all manner of crap designed never to pass the security check.

At the earlier meeting, he had reminded Sheppard of his position in the USAF. He knows perfectly well what kind of a situation they are in with regards to military regulations, and why Sheppard might be reluctant to want to contact Earth on official business. If he has to act the part of Valentino to make it just a little bit easier for him, he can do that. He had been doing that long before he ever met Sheppard. But it isn't just for the eyes of military security but also for Weir, because of Weir, that he records the message. She basically cornered him here and let him know how strange it is that he would not want to send a message like the rest of them. That it was suspicious. That a normal person would want to "tell her that you're well--and that you miss her," like she told Ford. So it seems like he is forced to keep up appearances on several fronts, here.

And this is the context in which we must decipher his recorded message.

Continued in Pt. 3

[nightshade-clown]

Okay I just want to dump my Magoranza headcanons because of another post I saw, even though I should definitely sleeping right now (￣ヘ￣;)

Okay, so my headcanons are more pre-relationship based but I still want to share them so badly ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Additional note: I repeat a lot "Magolor" and "Taranza" instead of using stuff like "the mage" and "the spider" and other stuff, so yeah, I apologize for the repetitions, I might edit it later to fix that.

☬ I kinda imagine they have a "A fell first and B fell harder" kind of situation lmao.

☬ Magolor first seeing Taranza around, and noticing he always looked miserable in a way (it would happen not long after the events of triple deluxe). So he decides to approach him and go "Hey, wanna hang out ? (^-^)" which Taranza accepts because Magolor gives him an excuse to occupy his mind.

☬ Magolor only asked Taranza to spent time together out of pity for him, but soon come to appreciate his company because not only is Taranza pretty smart and helpful, but he can be pretty mischievous despite his seemingly calm attitude. So obviously Magolor keeps him around because he could always use some help with his shoppe and with his research on the Lor.

☬ And sure, they both share similar interests, and they get along pretty well, and Magolor even allows Taranza to sit on the roof of his shoppe and only him, but that doesn't mean they're close ! And the fact that he is impressed by Taranza's knowledge doesn't mean anything either, and neither the fact that Magolor wants to spend more time with him, or that he thinks it's cute how clumsy Taranza can be, or when he re-do his hair from time to time, and sure, Taranza definitely looks so fine with that new scarf-

☬ And before he knows it, Magolor fell in love with the spider.

☬ His first reaction is to hit his head against the table upon realization. How did that happen ?! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN ?

☬ After a few minutes, he calms down, and just moves on. It's not the end of the world, right ? No need to act weirdly about it.

☬ Though, after he realizes his feelings, Magolor will act a bit differently with Taranza. No big changes, it's pretty subtle actually. Offers discount at his shoppe and on some days even offer some items "because it wouldn't sell"; taking an interest in some of Taranza's hobbies he didn't share with him previously "because seems interesting"; and even studying some of Floralia's culture "in case one day I want to visit so I can be prepared".

☬ He would sometimes flirt a bit but quickly brush it off as a joke, and with his prankster personality, Taranza just rolls with it.

☬ As for Taranza, he doesn't see Magolor as anything other than a friend for a while. Like I said earlier, he would just see Magolor as a way too think about something other than Sectonia's death. But quickly comes to appreciate Magolor as a friend, despite his tendancies to make off putting jokes and being a bit apathetic.

☬ He sees Magolor as a smart person, not only for all the researches he does, but for his projects too like the attraction park he made for Kirby, and his business with the shoppe. And he's fun too, always knows what to do when they hangs out, which Taranza appreciate a lot. It's like a breath of fresh air compared to the strict ambiance in the castle of Floralia. And he finds fascinating all of the tales Magolor has about other dimensions, or about Halcandra.

☬ For a while, he doesn't really notices Magolor's flirting, mainly because he only sees him as a friend, but also because he still feel like he can't completely moves on from Sectonia. When he thinks of love, the first thing he thinks about is her, his dear Queen.

☬ It's not until someone else points it out (either Susie or Marx) that Magolor acts differently with him compared to everyone else (Marx would probably complains about the free stuff Taranza gets, while Susie would points out how Magolor took a sudden interests on things related to him) that Taranza starts noticing this too. And he also notice how Magolor only "jokingly" flirt only with him.

☬ Boi does that spider gets flustered.

☬ Taranza spends the following few days questioning if Magolor really likes him like that, and how he feels about it.

☬ And for the first time, he start thinking of romantic love without thinking about Sectonia, but about Magolor instead. And he likes it (even if a part of him feels guilty about it).

☬ After a few more days after he realizes that he might be in love with Magolor, Taranza starts making moves on him too, a bit less subtly though.

☬ If he gets the occasion, he buys and gift him all kinds of stuff, be it something Magolor took an interest of while walking in around in the waddle Dee's town, or something related to his interests, or it could even be something related to his research (or something Taranza at least thinks is related to his interests). Most of the time, the gifts are pretty spontaneous.

☬ Magolor would joke about how Taranza is spoiling him, and Taranza would laugh it off, albeit extremely flustered.

☬ He would also do all kinds of favours to Magolor, helping more around the shoppe more than usual, and proposing more help with his researches.

☬ Magolor does notice the sudden change of behavior in Taranza, how he suddenly seems more nervous and flustered easily, and how he seems more clumsy while helping sometimes. He decides not to question it, though. It's kinda endearing to see, after all.

☬ It kinda goes on like that for a while, the two just flirting with each other without much else going on after, and it's this kind of awkward phase between friendship and romance where the both don't know where they stand at this point.

☬ Until one day, Kirby asks them if they are a couple. Magolor starts chuckling while Taranza starts choking on air.

☬ Magolor teasingly asks Taranza "Well, wouldn't we make a cute couple ?" which flusters Taranza A LOT.

☬ After a few seconds of trying to calm down enough to talk, Taranza reply "Maybe we would, don't you think so too ?" which ends up flustering Magolor back.

☬ And all the while Kirby is looking at them like "What the heck is going on ? (◍•ᴗ•◍)"

Anyway, that's also how they ended up together. BYE-

[surgepricing]

In the mood to talk ATLA again, and I wanted to do a Katara meta next, but Zuko still occupies my brainspace, so here we go.

Zuko's scar and the horrific level of abuse it takes to do this to someone, let alone their own child, is the first immediate indicator that Zuko is not all bad, through introducing the fact that the Fire Nation's terror is often inflicted even on its own citizens and royals. But like. Think on it.

Reeeeeaaaaaally think on it.

I love it. But I also hate it. Because it's one of those things that gets steadily more depraved the more you think about it.

I mean, first you have to remember that real life people like you and me can't just shoot fire from our fingertips. So the real-life equivalent of this parent burning his 13-year-old son for speaking out of turn looks more like, I dunno, a parent pressing their 13-year-old son's face to a hot stove.

And Ozai did this publicly. There was an audience.

Imagine what those people there were thinking. Some pro-war psychos, maybe, but probably plenty of regular-ass nobles who didn't expect a random exhibition Agni Kai between Fire Lord and Fire Prince today. And probably people like Iroh too, people who took one look at this, felt their blood run cold, and sat there in nervous, anxious silence thinking "he wouldn't really do this, would he?" before realizing "yes, he definitely would".

Imagine what that did to the people in that room. Imagine what it made them feel, knowing that the slightest peep out of line will get you hideously maimed at best and made an example of.

Mind you, all of this happened because Zuko embarrassed Ozai in front of his war cabinet. Of course, as completely in line for Ozai's character as it would be to viciously burn a child of his for speaking without invitation, it's also worth noting that what Zuko was actually saying when he did this was the very sensible sentiment of "it's fucked up to send your freshest recruits into a meat grinder just to score an easy victory".

The war has dragged on for 97 years at this point, with progress very slow and both the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribe failing to bend their knee. It is very likely that Fire Nation propaganda is not perfect. Many have likely seen the damage the war has done to the world around them, not to mention their sons and daughters. But if there was any dissent against the war or its most grievous war crimes at that point, it died in that Agni Kai that day.

Of course, Zuko's in a panic at this point. Right before he does this, he's crying and pleading his case. It's dawning on him now that not only is Ozai fully willing to hurt him even if he doesn't fight back, but that it was never a matter of witnesses stopping him. He's learning that Azula's little lies aren't always lies.

Speaking of, imagine what this did to Azula. Ursa is gone by this point--she only really has Ozai. And yeah, she was a fucked up little kid, enough to watch this and smile. It's a cowardly bully's smile, watching someone weak get hurt by the strong knowing that that won't spill over to them...yet.

Azula was always driven and determined to impress, but hoo boy, if there was any part of her that wasn't an obsessed perfectionist before then, that part died, too. She was never going to be anything less than the 100% perfect weapon of war because if she did, well. Who the fuck knows what would've happened?

And just like that, any chance that the Fire Nation, in their royal family or their common people, would be able to stand up against the war or the madman helming it, Ozai, was extinguished.

It's sick.