#the fact that (if i get it) i’ll get to do that and ALSO keep my current job is the fucking BEST

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hi, I just wanted to ask: If you end up writing something for the monsterfalls au do you think you could do something where reader helps to groom Ford or Stan's newly acquired wings and them just loving the attention and care they give them? Also, love your stories and thanks if you decide to do this.

Stan, while thinking his new appearance was great for scaring kids on Summerween, hated his stone wings that weighed like a pair of cinder blocks.

They made sleeping difficult! How do you make sleeping difficult?! Apparently becoming a stone gargoyle.

That wasn’t even the worst thing either. Ford told him once after he complained about how his wings felt itched and irritated, almost like an itch he couldn’t scratch, that his wings needed constant preening whenever necessary as to avoid such situations from happening.

However Stan couldn’t exactly reach everywhere that needed preening and grew annoyed but his saviour arrived in the form of you.

‘Doll face! Just the person I’m looking for, would you mind helping me with my wings? They’ve been a pain in my ass this entire morning and I could really use some help in getting to the spots I can’t reach.’ He says as you examined his wings, strong and durable just like him, but oddly enough were soft like clay underneath; also just like him

‘I’d be happy to help Stanley but why me? You could’ve asked the kids or even Ford to help preen.’ You asked and Stan stiffened as he remembered the fact that Ford told him about preening; it was a mating thing to display the bond between mates amongst other reasons, which was mainly why he wanted you to preen his wings for him.

Stan scratched the back of his head. ‘Eh, none of them are in the house, doing their own thing or whether and even if they were they’d probably pull out the wrong feather.’ He quickly explains himself, hoping you’d buy it.

‘Okay, why don’t you lay down on your stomach and I’ll get to work.’ You replied after a brief moment of silence and Stanley sighed in relief as he was quick to flop on his bed, displaying his beautiful wings for you to gawk at.

Ford maybe a sphinx with pretty wings but you found Stanley’s wings even prettier, they looked as though they have priceless minerals within them, glistening beneath the light. They were a beauty to behold for those who actually cared to look at them and it never failed to take your breath away. ‘Beautiful.’ You murmured to yourself as you began to gently pull out the loose stone feathers that weighted like a pebble within your hand.

Stan felt like he could’ve fallen asleep then and there with how therapeutic he felt, he could feel his wings getting lighter with each loose feather you pulled, growling lowly in content as he closed his eyes and focused his mind on the way your hands carefully navigated his sturdy wings. He could’ve told you to be a bit rougher as they were like ordinary wings, but he throughly liked the way you treated them like they were glass and the way you run your fingertips in appreciation of them while counting the minerals within them, thinking he wouldn’t notice but he did and he couldn’t help but smile softly to himself.

He could happily stay like this forever if he could but he knew he couldn’t, so Stanley will take whatever time with you he could and keep it close to his heart to remind himself that someone does care about him and his stupid stone wings.

Ford took immense care of his wings but he often forgets that he has them when he’s deep in thought, which leads to him knocking stuff over, smacking Stanley, you or the kids accidentally with them and so on.

His wings were beautiful, majestic and fluffy, unlike Stanley’s which were the colour of gunmetal or cold stone or even gravel.

So whenever he forgets that his wings needed preening, he won’t know until you point it out to him, which is what you did.

‘Ford, did you forget to preen your wings?’ You asked as Ford looks over his shoulder and at his wings, where he could obviously see there was a few feathers that needed to be removed.

‘Ah so that’s why I’ve been in such discomfort as of recently, thank you my beloved for pointing it out. I shall preen them as soon as I’m done here.’ Ford replied but you pressed your hand onto his shoulder.

‘Why don’t you let me preen your wings for you?’

Ford blushed, he has read somewhere that pressing one’s wings was a thing only done between mates, or even that of a courting ritual amongst some bird species, but not only that but preening one’s wings was also seen as a means of survival and self care of one’s being. So the thought of the of you doing his wings for him had a whole lot more meaning to him as he would very much like you to preen his wings, but feared that he might make some…noises of enjoyment from your actions.

You saw his hesitance and said. ‘I’ll be gentle but then again it is all up to you as they are your wings, that and I don’t want to see you in discomfort or pain.’

Ford’s features softened as the blush died down. ‘Okay my dear I trust you with my wings.’

You smile as you sat yourself behind him and began to get to work in easing the loose feathers as carefully as you could, making sure you weren’t using more forced them necessary while praising Ford and his beautiful wings. ‘Your wings are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but then again they only reflect the person blessed with such wings.’ You then sweetly kissed where his wings connect to his back, a sensitive spot for Ford, causing the man to take a sharp breath as you do so before relaxing once more.

He was a little tense to start off with but gradually Ford felt himself melt under your carful touch and caresses as he purrs low in the back of his throat, tail slowly swishing in a display of his happiness and content regarding the current situation. He knew from that moment as you placed the loose feathers into a neat pile by your feet that he didn’t want anyone else to preen his wings but you.

Then again he was never in dispute with this idea of you preening his wings, he was just a bit awkward and unsure how to ask such a task of you without it coming across too strong, or that you didn’t have a choice but to agree to preening his wings. He just wanted to spend time with you and it just so happened that his wings were also in a state of disarray when you came in, all of which was completely unplanned and purely coincidental, but Ford couldn’t help but thank fate for this moment for he would treasure it forever and always.

‘You okay Ford? I think you’re…purring.’ You spoke with a smile upon your face when you felt his tail hit against your foot, finding it adorable as the purring coming from him.

‘Yes I’m perfectly fine my dear, perfectly fine.’ Ford reassured with a smile upon his face. ‘Perfectly fine indeed.’

[goosewriting]

Falling for you - Part 2

summary: part 2 of falling for you, where reader falls into the rottmnt world and comes across the turtle brothers.

relationship: Rise Leo x gn!reader

warnings: none! 

word count: 1.7k 

A/N: did i totally forget about posting the second part to this? perhaps. did a recent comment remind me of it? could be. was i delighted to find a practically finished version of this in my wips, almost ready to post? absolutely. sorry for the wait, hope you like it!

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — — 

Climbing out of bed, Leo silently made his way to the projector room only to find an empty couch.

You were gone without a trace.

Or so he thought.

Turns out, you had gone to the kitchen to get something to drink. You were way too shaken up to sleep after what you pulled. The confession had all kinds of feelings and thoughts going through you, confusing you further.

Leo saw you as you came back into the projector room. You were startled at his presence, almost dropping your glass.

The words from earlier echo in your head: “You are loved. You are worthy. You are a good leader. You are a good brother. And if I am still here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next… I wish for nothing more than to be by your side.” That’s what you had told him. To the turtle, you were a complete stranger. Ugh, you thought, as you tried to will away the embarrassment from your face that was resulting in a weird blush.

“You’re awake,” you said after clearing your throat. Leo didn’t answer immediately, and a slight panic started settling in you.

“Yeah, I’m- I’m just…” he stumbled over his words. “I also came to get a drink.”

“Couldn’t sleep?” you asked.

“Uh-huh…”

An uncomfortable silence settled between you two. 

“I heard what you said earlier,” Leo started, and you let out something between a sigh and a snort. With a shaky breath, you approached the couch which was your bed for the night, sitting down.

This is what I get for being so worked up over blorbo feelings, you thought bitterly. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?!

“Can I…?” Leo asked as he stood by the couch.

“Yeah,” you said as you patted the spot next to you.

After he sat down, you just sit there in silence for a moment as you sipped your water, then set down the glass on the little side table.

“I’m guessing you want an explanation, huh,” you decided to start. 

“Yeah, uh, what you said was very… specific,” he replied with narrowed eyes. 

“Gosh, how do I explain it,” you said, more to yourself than him. “So, uhm…”

You closed your eyes to think of a feasible story, cutting out certain points here and there until you landed on something decent.

“Let’s put it like this,” you started explaining. “I come from a place far away, and I've known about you and your brothers for a long time.”

Leo thought it over for a moment.

“So you’re like, from the future?”

“Something like that, sure.”

“How did you end up here?” he asked after a moment. You sighed.

“To be completely honest, I don't even know. I don't know how to get back, or if I can get back at all. In fact, I don’t know if back in… in my world… if I’m gone there. If everyone I know thinks I just… disappeared. Or if at some point I’ll get back there, appearing in the same moment I left. It will be like nothing happened for the rest. Like at the end of the first Narnia movie, I guess.”

“The narn- what?” Leo questioned with a slight tilt of the head. 

“Never mind,” you corrected yourself, and another silence took over. You cast your eyes down to the floor.

“I can’t tell you about certain events and such, but, I bet you have questions so, feel free to ask them,” you offered without looking at him. He thought it over.

“Well, you said–” A slight blush creeped up on his face. “–you said I am loved. And a good brother and leader. Where did that come from?”

You leaned back into the couch, draping your arm over your eyes and smiling at nothing in particular, if only the awkward situation you found yourself in.

“I know you think you’re the funny one of the bunch. Always cracking jokes. Which I think are actually funny, by the way,“ you replied, and your smile faded as you put your arm back down. “But I also know that sometimes you doubt yourself. And I just wanted you to know that… you're on the right track.”

Leo shifted slightly on the couch, and when you looked up, looking for his gaze, he looked away rather uncomfortably. You bit the inside of your cheeks.

“And look, I know this sucks. Some random person you almost ran over suddenly telling you all this. But I legitimately don’t know if I’ll just disappear one moment or the next, so I just wanted you to know.”

“Why though?” he asked, almost in disbelief.

“Because I genuinely like you,” you replied without hesitation. Your genuine response caught him by surprise, and he straightened up slightly, but then a little grin spread on his face.

“So, if you’re from the future, it’s like you have a crush on a historical figure and now you’re meeting your hero, right?”

You chuckled.

“Well, that’s one way of putting it.”

His hand came to his chin and he thought something over. 

“Maybe we just started on the wrong foot then.”

Folding one of his knees onto the couch so he could sit sideways, facing you, he stretched out his hand.

“Hey, I’m Leo.”

You smiled, taking his hand in yours for the second time that day, and told him your name.

“Delighted to finally meet you,” you added. 

“Always happy to meet a fan,” he said with a wink, and you chuckled at his antics.

“If you don’t have any plans tomorrow,” he continued, almost shyly. “Maybe I could take you out for a spin? And show you around the city.”

“I’d love that,” you replied with a warm smile.

“It’s a date then,” he said as he stood up, but realising what he said, he stumbles over his words to try and save it. You raised your hands to calm him down. 

“I’m not opposed to the idea,” you offered with a playful shrug. 

“Right, well uh. Good night then.”

With that he turned on his heels and left for his bedroom, leaving you all sorts of confused and excited for tomorrow. 

– – – – –

The next day, you opened your eyes, blinking a couple of times, disoriented by the unfamiliar surroundings. Remembering the events of the day before, you sat up on the couch, looking around to find yourself still in the lair. You didn’t know if you were relieved or stressed about it.

What if you’d actually never make it back home? Was this your life now, spending the rest of your days in a fictional world?

Standing up with a stretch, you made your way to the kitchen to join the turtles for breakfast. Well, “breakfast”; it was actually already the afternoon. But they’re essentially nocturnal, so you’d have to get used to their circadian rhythm if you were to stay here. The other turtles greeted you normally, so you concluded that Leo hadn’t told them about your conversation. Good. The less they knew, the better.

After some food and light-hearted conversation, Leo took you out around the city as promised. The first thing you did was getting new clothes, then you went for some snacks and sightseeing. By the time you were done, you were both sitting on one of the taller buildings of New York, watching the last sun rays disappear behind the horizon.

Your legs dangled over the ledge, with your chin resting on your arms over the lowest bar of the railing, and you sighed. No matter how much you wanted to enjoy this outing and time spent with Leo the freaking teenage mutant ninja turtle, there was this one thought hovering over your head, like a fly trying to land on your food. No matter how much you kept swatting it away, it just kept coming back. 

“What’s on your mind?” Leo asked after a while, already being able to read you like a book. 

“I just can’t shake this feeling of… I don’t even know what to call it,” you replied with a sharp exhale. “Just the thought that any given moment, you might turn around, and then poof, I’m gone, you know? I don’t want to just leave like that.”

“I don’t want you to leave either…” he said in a low voice, and you turned to him, eyebrows raised in surprise. 

“Wait, really? You’re not… annoyed by me, barging in like this?”

“No, I mean–” he explained with a lopsided smile. “It’s definitely weird, but it's not a bad weird. It’s like someone finally gets me, really sees me.”

Tilting your head to the side, you leaned your cheek on your folded arms as you looked at him. The half moon markings on his face seemed to glow with the very last drops of sunlight, about to be engulfed by the night and replaced by the moon already peeking out from behind a veil of clouds. The loose straps of his bandana swayed in the breeze, and you were transfixed by this image.

“Yeah, I see you,” you breathed. 

For a moment, there was a strange peace that washed over you, like a familiar soothing voice telling you that it’s going to be okay. Leo held your gaze just as transfixed as you, eyes soft, something unreadable reflecting in them.

The turtle was just about to say something when his phone rang. It took him a second to tear his eyes away from you, then he answered the call; it was Donnie, urging him to come back as there had been a break-in and they had to retrieve some sort of artifact. 

Your heart quickened, immediately thinking of Hypno and… the worm guy – what was his name again? – stealing the key, and you straightened up.

“We gotta go.” Leo moved to stand up, but you held him down by his arm.

He gave you a quizzical look, and that was when you made up your mind: whatever timeline this was, with or without Casey, you’d make sure that the Krangpocalypse never happened. 

You leaned in, placing a quick peck to Leo’s cheek, and his breath hitched.

“Hey, you got this,” you said with a reassuring smile.

He got up to his feet and helped you up as well, holding onto your hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Will you stay?,” he asked, uncharacteristically shy, blush evident, peeking from under his mask. “With me?”

You gave his hand a squeeze back.

“As long as this universe will allow it.”

– – – – –

A/N2: just to clarify, i know the worm is called warren stone, i just wanted to keep the running joke that no one notices him lol 

= = = = =

🐥 taglist: [link to join in my pinned post!] i took the liberty of not only tagging those in the taglist for leo but also everyone in the comments of the first part. hope you’re still interested in this one! and if not, feel free to ignore the tag sdfasdfg

@theoriginalmintyyyshake, @dybynyght, @lieutenantlashfaz, @galaxtic-writings, @Lovestruckfictionadict, @salty-s-r, @sleebykei, @miso-sopas, @duckanon, @wings-of-sapphire, @ashtheboookworm2, @xxnoxx, @crystal-crax, @lunaramune, @luckynesser, @rowaaaaan || @mocchamck, @warrior-girl, @moroneur, @powerauerart, @soulaansugar, @xnorthstar3x, @leafyturtle, @justmare, @the-cute-witchy-writier

[velvetwyrme]

doozi's undertale fic recs round THREE

As requested, here are EVEN MORE FIC RECS. This round is mostly reader inserts, with a dash of platonic and non-reader fics at the end.

As usual, this is really really long, so take your time and enjoy! Some of them are uhhhh, pretty spicy, so please make sure to check the warnings and tags and act accordingly.

Please tread carefully while reading, check tags, take breaks, drink water and HAVE FUN <3

The STATUS of each fic is labelled as such: Finished, Ongoing/Unfinished, Discontinued. (Unless the author specified that the fic is Discontinued, on Indefinite Hiatus, or otherwise abandoned the work, I will mark it as Ongoing/Unfinished. Oneshots are also marked as such.)

Spicy (Explicit) and/or Dark fics have also been labelled if relevant. (I won’t mark ones with just suggestive themes/moments, since I cant guarantee I’ll catch all of them. Similarly, unless there is consistent graphic death, gore, or otherwise prevalent upsetting topics, I [probably] won’t mark it as dark.)

MULTICHAPTERS

Ghost Hunting With Skeletons - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

ONE OF THE FICS OF ALL TIME!!!

Go "ghost hunting" with Cash while looking for machine parts! Become Sans' weird coworker! Lie and keep secrets with Red! Get tangled up with a mysterious shadowy figure who spontaneously spawns in your house- wait, what was that last one?

Tilikum - Various Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I'm sure everyone and their dog knows of this fic by now but listen. If you haven't read this, somehow, please do yourself a favour and read this immediately.

I love mer fics and I especially love CEPHALOPOD SIRENS. (Blue and Red are very good in this fic but SKULL!!!! MY PRECIOUS BOY!!)

The Mirror Bay Depths - Various Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

And speaking of MER FIC- if you like merskeletons, mysteries, manipulation and mmmmmmmmmm...magical workarounds for linguistic difficulties (i made the alliteration work, see?) Then you'll LOVE this fic!

Dive into The Mirror Bay Depths and get charmed by a buncha mers! It's super cute and also has a serious undertone of "UH OH" once the mystery begins to come to light.

Got Crabs? - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Got crabs????? Hilarious soulmate AU where you and have some of the stupidest words written on each other's bodies and it all goes GREAT.

You do in fact, got crabs.

It's Just A Game - Sans/Reader - Finished

CYOAs my beloved. This was recced to me recently and I got caught up with all the new updates and it's sooooo good auugugjhfkgh,, I love existential crises and weird metafiction.

cat ~/.zsh_history - Sans/Reader - Finished

If you enjoyed It's Just A Game, or other fics like it, you'll probably like this too!!!! Player-character reality simulation existential angst all wrapped up into a neat little fic <3333 It feels like a weight on my heart.

The Understudy - Sans/Reader - Finished

THE anti-harem fic. As in, THE anti-harem fic that inspired the structure of every other anti-harem fic. It's a piece of fantastic storytelling and is a literal pioneer of a genre.

It was a fic that was intended to flip a genre on it's head, and it's fascinating to me that it became a genre of its own. Splendidly written and is the cause of 99% of my confusion during my return to the fandom because all of a sudden there were a buncha anti-harems and I was like WTF ARE THESE jkdhfgkjdfk,,

I went into it intending to find out the history behind anti-harems, and then got sucked in completely. You can guess the general premise, but MAN does plot hit hard!!!!!!

And speaking of anti-harems...

The Eye of a Judge - Various, Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

What if anti-harem fic, except the terrible GF was EVEN MORE terrible. Really really fun concept with what happens to the reader, and oh so fucked up just in general. Make sure to check the tags on this one.

The Faults in Our Souls - W.D. Gaster/Reader - Finished

This fic is super sweet, the reader falls into the Underground and gets taken in by Gaster and his two boys, eventually falling in love and becoming a parental figure for the skelebros. But then the incident with the core happens...

Pros & Cons - Sans/Reader - Finished/Series

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

I try not to put too much NSFW in the lists on this blog but uhhhh *looks at the rest of the list* it's fine. I like these fics too much not to add them.

This one in particular is AMAZING and really funny to boot. The reader wakes up after a one night stand with very few memories of the night before and debates the pros and cons of checking who they slept with thsjfbbfkfbk

The fic right after is ALSO hilarious because it gives so much more context and life to the world I love it dearly. Also the smut is great but yknow gbflgbkf I'm TRYING to keep this relatively SFW

Eau de résistance - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

Underfell flavoured slave AU which gets really, really complicated emotions-wise. It's one of the few UT fics I still keep up with pretty actively atm, and it's because the mystery has me hooked. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

Other than the obvious premise, it gets into some darker topics, so if you're sensitive to that sorta stuff, please read the tags and tread carefully if you decide to read! Otherwise, enjoy!

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes - Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Takes a deep breath. Ok so, I debated adding this fic. Not because I don't like it, but because I haven't actual read this in years, so I don't know how it stands up to the test of time.

I don't usually like adding fics that I can't certifiably recommend, but I also feel like if you haven't read this, you haven't Really experienced Undertale reader inserts. It's like. a classic.

I still remember vividly cringing from secondhand embarrassment SO many times while reading BUT I wouldn't trade in that experience for anything- I fucking loved this fic. It was wonderful and terrible and so incredibly fun, and honestly I kinda don't want to reread it so I can keep it in the shiny veneer of nostalgia forever.

Smells Like Chalk and a Cockatoo - Sans/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Uhhhh, I don't actually have a good segue for this, but this one also has really complicated relationships. There is a happy ending! It's a fucking rollercoaster to get there though.

It's kinda in the same vein as The Party Incident for me, I consider it a classic, and it's also... very 2016/17. Take that how you will. I don't know if I'd recommend this fic, but I definitely think you should read it, if you know what I mean. I'm VERY fond of it despite my extremely conflicted emotions. It's definitely not for everyone though.

Oh, also it has the most fucked up form of skeleton reproduction ever <3 That's okay though, because it results in one of my favourite fankids ever. I'm love my boyyy Impact ;w;!!!!

Bonetrast - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The reader in this is terrible and I'm fascinated. I like reading about characters being antagonistic towards each other sometimes, so I really enjoyed this and I wanna see where the author takes this. Make sure to read the tags.

A Drink That Hits Right In the Bones - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

This one... the reader in this kinda sucks too jhsfjkdf but in a different way. Once again fascinating as hell!!! Drunk, gay, in denial and homophobic, this reader is NOT having a great time.

I, however, reading it, am having a fantastic time!

breakfast combo - Sans/Reader - Finished

Veryyyyyy cute! The reader gets bothered about their crush on Sans by UF!Sans. Love the banter. Oneshot turned twoshot, it's a nice little read :D

Penned to you - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Penpals!!! I'm loving this so far <3 Horrortale Pap and the reader become penpals and subsequently friends. Sans is... around, probably not being spooky and weird. I'm excited to see where this one goes >:00

Grounding Your Ego - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Soulmate AU again!!! The reader has a set of REALLY terrible words written around their neck, and... they're mute. :]

ALSO the little snippets of world building are so delicious and have stuck in my mind like the- wait fuck I just realised the title is a pun what the fuck how'd I miss that before- LIKE THE GROUNDS IN PAPYRUS' COFFEE.

The Sacrificial Skeleton and the Labyrinth of Gods - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

:] *points vigourously at the warning* The smut is a pretty ingrained part once it gets to it, but I couldn't NOT add this fic.

Anyway I'm a little obsessed with this fic. There's a skeleton reader, who's a necromancer! The skeletons are thought to be gods, but actually they got isekai'd! It's a WILD RIDE and it's surprisingly good??? It feels like one of those webtoons or manga that you look at the cover/summary for and go *??????* at, but then you start reading it and go "OH, THIS IS REALLY FUN ACTUALLY."

There's pretty intense language barriers between the skeletons and the reader for a lot of the fic, but I love that sorta stuff, so that just makes it better for me lol. I adore the dynamics between the characters, they feel so diametrically opposed sometimes it's great.

Nothing to see here. - Various/Reader, Various Sanscest - Ongoing/Unfinished

Oh this one!!! Should probably actually go under misc but it's okay. This fic asks the question of: What if there was a MASSIVE multiversal mashup and some of the residents shared an apartment building where they now live completely normal domestic lives?

It's got /Reader stuff as well as a fun selection of Sanscest and platonic roommate content, and each chapter is semi-self contained and really fun.

Magic Bitty Bits™ - Various/Reader, Various Sanscest - Ongoing/Unfinished

Another one that should technically be under misc. I love bitty fics... and I love really fucked up shit happening to characters <3 Take are to note the warnings at the beginning of chapters, but hhrhghh I'm on the edge of my seat every time something happens/is revealed. LIKE WHAT!! WHAT!!!!!!! AHH-

The Monster Who Will Always Wait - Nightmare!Sans - Finished

Small kraken mer becomes BIG KRAKEN MER!!!!!! Leviathan sized drama, with some sweet romance. I followed this one from the day it was posted to the day it finished and I loved every second.

Dire Wolf - Horror!Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

You get two new coworkers, who have some unusual habits surrounding food, leading you to make them lunch!! As you grow closer, their histories and rivalries come to light. It's hella good and I love the character dynamics.

Uncomfortably Similar Situations - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Finished

Horrortale!Sans brings you home like one would a starving stray cat. There are ups and downs but everything turns out alright :]!!

The Sound of the Sea - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

More mer content!!! But Underfell Sans this time ! There are only 3 chapters so far and it has me wanting more!! I love this so much...

Sweet Deceptions - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Fake dating!!!!! What more can I say ;D Well, I can say a lot more, like how fantastic this fic is with the escalation of the fake relationship, but I'll leave yall to find that out for yourselves :]

Dream Catcher, Nightmare Snatcher - Nightmare!Sans - Ongoing/Unfinished

HRHHGH Nightmare gets stuck in a Venom-esque situation with you, and you both suffer the consequences. You're both menaces to each other in this, it's great.

Coffee and Chaos - Underfell!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Reader ends up inheriting their mom's tenants, a pair of skeleton brothers. It's a nice slice of life!! Also, he/they reader ftw \o/!!

Canids love bones - Bad Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

In this, the reader is a monster with a really fluffy tail and a tragic past. They just keep getting bothered by these skeleton dudes and eventually end up joining them. Fun read! I like monster readers.

Train Station Blues - Mafiafell!Sans/Reader - Discontinued

Sadly discontinued :( Still a really solid fic and an enjoyable read!!! I adore the 1920s as a setting...

What is This, A Hallmark Movie? - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Christmas fic!! The reader does not like Christmas, and Stretch tries his best to get them to enjoy it regardless. It doesn't work out too well... but everything is alright in the end. I loved Stretch's determination jkfdhgkjdfg hes trying so hard...

Story of the perfect vessel - Various Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Really interesting premise!!! You're a parasite that took over this dying human's body and are now puppeteering it around. Then you meet a buncha skeletons, but you're still a parasite with no sense of what being human is like!! Love me some weird concepts.

America's Unluckiest (Luckiest) Almost-Astronomer - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yaayyyy! You get isekai'd into a hot mess of a universe, brimming with skeletons, skeletons and more skeletons! There's some weird stuff going on, but surely it'll be fine.

All is Fair in Love and Prank Wars - Sans/Reader - Finished

Hey! Another 2016 fic! The reader starts a prank war with Sans. Gets angsty but everything gets better in the end. I really enjoyed it :> Reader is named in this, but for some reason that didn't bother me like it usually does lol

Mr. Fear - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

This is an interesting one. It's set in a mashup of various AUs (e.g. Swapfell Alphys and Underfell Papyrus) but not in like. a multiversal machine malfunction sorta deal. Anyway, it's got a fun plot and I really enjoyed it :]

Cheshire Kitten - Underswap!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The reader is a shapeshifter who prefers to be a cat! (Mood) And they use that to deal with problems large and small. It's real sweet and makes me also want to be able to turn into a shapeshifting cat.

it's just me and an overly enthusiastic skeleton; trying to solve a murder. - Underswap!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ah, I love ridiculously long titles. Saves me time. The title also acts as a summary, and it's really fun!! Monster murders must be horrible to make a case for, since you can't inspect the body for evidence...

Ship of bones - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

PIRATES!!!!! I love the action and drama in this one, it's so fun! Also features a lot of scary skeletons. I loved reading about the reader giving them the slip >:3c!!

A Sea of Hope - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

MORE pirates!! This one features a skeleton reader <33 I love the backstory and lore... also the reader is so teeny compared to Axe :DDD

You Know Where To Find Me - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I am so invested in this premise (Papyrus is the mascot of monsterkind and you are his assistant) and both of you are tired after having a string of terrible employers/employees kjhkjdfg,, I'm so excited to see where this goes, it's been fun so far.

=========================

ONESHOTS

Seeing Double - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Twin shenanigans. TWIN SHENANIGANS AT COFFEE SHOPS! I can't say more without spoiling things so just go read it!!! Reader(s) are named but moreso for Twin purposes.

Somethin' Special - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

More coffee shop AU! Very cute. SO cute. They're both awkward and silly and its SO sweet.

Daguerreologue - Sans/Reader, Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot/Series

Actually a oneshot that's part of a series, but I just liked this one the most (you should also go read the rest of the series, it's really good too!!!)

Feels like a little snapshot of a soft, warm life, worn by time. It's just a really nice fic! Good for feelin fuzzy inside.

Looking for Something - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The reader loves to people watch, and draw the people they see. Some of which, are monsters ;)! Superrrrrrrrrr cute. Suuuuuuuuuper super cute.

FIGHT ME!! - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Not to be mistaken for Fight Me! by MsMK or Fight Me! by Little_old_lady (both of which are very good!!!!!!!) This fic DOES however use the same basic premise/prompt except with Sans as the nurse and it's SIMILARLY fantastic. I love nurse Sans in this.

If yall know of more UT fics with this title/concept please tell me so I can make this stupid joke a third time.

Dates are dumb - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Sans has a really bad blind date, but his server comes to the rescue!! Really cute!

This was supposed to be smut, idk what happened. - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

As the title says, notably not smut. Sexy and very charged? Absolutely.

It's a soulmate AU where the reader is a mob boss making a trade of sorts with their rival, Sans. He shows off the goods before the trade is accepted.

Light of My Life - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Very sweet!! The reader has magic that allows them to hear magic, and they let Papyrus listen in.

and i will love you on purpose - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

As you've probably noticed, 99% of the oneshots I rec here are super cute, and this is no exception djkfgkjgfh 5+1 of kissing Horror, it's bitesized and adorable.

Stargazing - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

A little slice of happiness set before the barrier went up. Sans and the reader are kids and it's very very sweet.

It's Raining Right Here (They/Them Edition) - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Veryyyy cute snapshot of romance with Papyrus <3!!!!

General Misconception - Megalosomnia!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

I love the Megalosomnia AU and I also love Papyrus. This has both :] I won't spoil things, but General just wants to be helpful :))

And speaking of Megalosomnia...

Delirious - Megalosomnia - Dr. Baggs/Reader - Oneshot

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

>:3c I usually try avoid too much explicit content for these lists but listennnnnnnn I love good and fun characterisation MORE than any conviction I have to that, plus I've broken that rule already.

Anyway senseless justification aside, I freakin loveeeee how much characterisation gets packed in here, it's delicious!! You get to know so much about the dynamics and workings of the relationships in this universe it's great.

Relearning - Ink!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The reader breaks her arm and has to relearn how to draw. Cue Ink! It's really sweet!!

Turn The Page - Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Oneshot

This one is actually part of a series but I just really like this one hjsdfgjhf,, I love festivals and markets!! The reader is so awkward and jumpy and I'm like. ah. a kindred spirit.

Meet Cute Oneshots - Various - Oneshot/Series

Cheating again by linking a series. As the title implies, it's a bunch of meet cutes!! My favorites (as of writing) are the second, fourth and fifth in the series ^^!!

the thing about axe - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

You go for a nice walk in the woods with Axe :) I love how it this one plays with emotions and atmosphere for the audience, because the reader (character) is mostly oblivious to Axe's history.

hottie hotline - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Really sweet and funny. Red gets stuck in an elevator. THE FUCKING ENDING GOT ME. HRHFKFJFKDNDK

A Conversation Starter - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

First times for both of them! A snapshot of these two stumbling through a conversation with a human/monster for the first time. It's adorable.

Soulmate of the Century - Nightmare!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Soulmate AU where you can't harm your soulmate. You really just wanted some ramen, man.

Kabedon - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Kabedon the skeleton!!! Razzy doesn't get the appeal, so you explain it to him ;))

Cuddles of Doom - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

DOOMYYYYY!!! I love the dialogue here. Doomy is the most precious kitty ever and Papyrus is very cute.

Café - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Short and sweet!! (Lightly) tsundere Papyrus is very cute dfjkghkfjg <3

A Blue Valentine - Underswap!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

It's Valentines, and you're crushin'~ Both of them are soooooooo sweet in this.

You'd Be Goo Where You Stand - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

True to the title I am goo where I stand. I'm all gooey and gushy it's so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeee. THEY'RE MARRIIIIIEDDDD,,,,, and there's a sequel??? SO cute.

First Meeting - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

UF!Papyrus is a very worried parent and the reader is sweet as hell. I just think there's also something really funny about Papyrus calling Frisk a SLIPPERY SNAKE jkdhfjghfdg

=========================

MISC. / OTHER

Full Deck - ? - Ongoing/Unfinished

Hysterical flip of every reader insert ever written. Can be simply summed up as "skeletons desperately dodging various reader's advances", but that is nowhere near close to describing this fic. It's really funny, and if you haven't read it, you should.

Not quite a /reader, so it goes here lolol. The reader is more something that happens to the skeletons.

No fin new about it - Bad Sanses||Nightmare's Gang&Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

SUBNAUTICA AU!! With timeline fuckery! I just like big mer skeletons. And Subnautica. It's a real fun time.

Bits Of Spaghetti - Various&Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

This fic treats bitties in a really interesting way!! Veryyy cool origins, and very interesting dynamics between characters. Reader is an old man, and he just kinda wants to make puppets and dolls and have a nice quiet life. Unfortunately, skeletons.

Don't give up, Y/n! - Various&Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

I do not have any kids but this fic makes me feel like a worried parent. It also makes me feel like I need to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes. It's great, really. Just makes me so stressed. They're just a kid... definitely heed the tags for this one.

Down The Mountain, Under The Door - Underswap!Papyrus&Reader - Oneshot

Monsters are giant sized !! Or humans are tiny. Either way, Underswap Papyrus comforts the reader after accidentally spooking them pretty badly. I love myself some good ol' unintentional fearplay and intentional comfort.

The Bucket List - Various&Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

Hoo boy. The reader creates a bucket list, intending to die at the end. It's story about depression and recovery and it's really really good.

Heart on the Table - Ongoing/Unfinished

MADE ME CRYYY,,, Sans and Pap end up taking care of Frisk and honestly just go read it it's very sweet and sad and good. Frisk is just a kid!!!!!! AHHH

Broken Bones (and Sticks and Stones) - Finished

CRIES!!!!!! You know Handplates AU. I know Handplates AU. Featuring: extremely complex familial feelings!!!! Papyrus has a kid, and she is the SWEETEST. Another of my favorite fankids!! FLORAAAAAA <33

This of course, with Gaster being Gaster in this AU, makes everything even more complicated. It's really good and made me cry. Please read it. Papyrus is the best mom.

Jamais Vu - Oneshot

HGH... this one is like a punch to the gut but in a really good way. Both because of the absolutely incredible writing and also because it was the first Undertale fic that this author has posted since 2017, and gave me a scare when I opened my email.

Letters to a Friend - Oneshot

Another by the same author, but from 2016. My HEART?????? The King Papyrus ending always hurts me so... hhhrhhhhghjkdf,,

OH, I WAS BEING SARCASTIC - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

It's more Papyrus Angst! This is just going to happen every time I do one of these, probably.

He would never take a vacation for any reason...

Sonata - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

More Papyrus Angst. Sometimes a melody can say more than words.

Broken Trust (Re-upload) - Finished

What's this!! Even more angst?! You bet! It's Swap flavoured this time though.

Sans is not actually a monster, and Papyrus is horrified when he finds out. Very very good and sad, with a happy ending. Paps is not great in this, but he comes around :( I really really love the concept of this fic, and I think it was executed really well.

I'm Feeling Fine, Kid - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

Soooooooooooo fucked up but it's also like. one of the formative fics of my existence. I could've sworn this was in one of my other lists, but apparently not. Fucked me up big time back when I first read it sdjkhjhf, read this if you wanna hurt and then get tentatively put back together.

If you've read Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach and you liked that, you might like this too. Lots of Papyrus Angst, but this one has even more Sans Angst!

Stones and a Glass House - Oneshot

[Warning: Contains Discussions of Explicit Content.]

Want a break from the sudden deluge of angst??? Try this, it's kinda a crackfic, and very funny.

Love when brothers get to tease each other mercilessly. They talk pretty candidly about explicit content, so heed the warning LMAO. Very very funny though.

=========================

SANSCEST/PAPCEST

AH SURPRISE! I didn't want to make a whole new list since I have way less of these on hand, but I also really wanted to recommend them lol. If this ain't your thing, then this list ends here -u-)b

fox in the coop - Sanscest (Dust/Horror/Crop) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ouuuhhhhh I am so unwell over this fic. It hurts so good. Hidden identity bullshit to the max!! I don't even know where to begin with this one, but it's fantastic, go read the summary at least. Dust is so normal about everything. Totally.

Also, Dust gets chickens!!

Colors - Papcest (Spicyhoney || Underfell!Papyrus/Underswap!Papyrus) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ahhhhh language barriers my beloved. Falling in love despite language barriers my beloved!!!

It's got some real good drama and lovely lovely writing. I love it a whole lot :]]

VILLAIN HOTLINE - Sanscest (Bad Sans Poly) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Bad Sans Chatfic. Wait wait wait hear me out!!! COME BACK. THERES AN ACTUAL STORY.

The chatfic parts are pretty fun, and the developing horror plot even more so! Universes and people are glitching, which spells a bad time for everyone!!!

You Have One (1) Unread Message - Sanscest (Bad Sans Poly) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Similar to the one above, this fic has a similar concept (crack chatfic that devolves into plot and horror)

Genuinely quite terrifying, even when viewed through Killer's strange apathetic POV (which is ALSO fascinating in it's own right).

Little (NOT LITTLE) Red Riding Hood - Papcest (Spicyhoney) - Finished

Really fun twist on Little Red Riding Hood!! Red also gets to wear a frilly nightcap and nightgown in this, which is a fun image.

So You Didn't Want to Marry a Mage - Papcest (Spicyhoney + BG. Mapleblossom) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ahhh I love fics where a character gets to learn magic from another character... this one is hella cute!!! I love a lot of this author's works but this one in particular is one of my favourites :>

=========================

Did you have fun scrolling forever? I had fun putting this together.

There are a total of 90 fics here! I wanted to do 99 since it's the 999999999th anniversary of Undertale this year, but I'm tired so 90 will do. That's already so many. 90 in fact. Also my phone started to lag while scrolling so perhaps it's for the best.

If yall have any recs for ME, please drop them by my askbox, I (obviously) love reading jkshdgjkfh,,, I'm generally up for rereading stuff, so dw if you reckon I've read something before :]!!

Also, if you haven't already, you should check out my FIC REC MASTERLIST for previous (and future) fic rec lists (from me, specifically).

[beestriker015]

Black Cat x male hero s/o

Being one of the several superheroes other than Spider-Man residing in New York, it was only a matter of time that s/o had a run in with Felicia Hardy, also known as Black Cat, which he did during one of his patrols.

“Oh? And here I was expecting the Spider to swing in and spoil my fun as always.”

She says after encountering s/o on a rooftop after her latest heist.

“Well you’ve got me instead, I hope you’re not too disappointed.”

“Far from it. In fact, I’m liking what I’m seeing.”

The feline themed cat burglar responds in a flirtatious tone while taking her sweet time eying the hero up.

“Really now? That makes two of us. You know, I’ve always been kind of a cat person.”

He flirts back as Felicia feels her face heat up slightly, much to her slight surprise.

“Oh I like you. Now let’s see if you can keep up hero.”

She then flees as s/o does his best to keep up before he eventually loses track of her.

“Darn it! I lost her! She may have gotten away this time, but something tells me I’ll be seeing her again, or at least….I hope so.”

Over the next few weeks, s/o and Felica kept running into each other, whether it’s intentional or not, and soon an attraction begins to grow between them.

“I must be out of my mind. How can I be developing feelings for her? Granted she’s not evil or anything like that, but she’s still technically a villain, and I shouldn’t be thinking about her this way. Oh jeez, what am I gonna do?”

Meanwhile, Felicia is much more accepting of her growing feelings for s/o.

“I haven’t felt this way about anyone before, and I can tell he feels the same, so it’s time for this kitty to sink her claws into a certain hero.”

She thinks to herself with a smirk while coming up with a plan.

Later on, Black Cat is met by s/o during another outing (which she planned with the sole intention of catching the hero’s attention) and quickly gets to work.

“Well well well, there’s my favorite hero, looking as handsome as ever. With how often we’ve been seeing each other, you really know how to make a girl feel special. Now it’s my turn to return the favor.”

Before he could react, s/o is pulled into a deep kiss and quickly sinks into it, thus sparking a romantic relationship between him and Felicia.

Despite now being a couple, it took awhile before the two decided to reveal their civilian identities to each other, but when they finally did, it brought them closer as a result.

“So you’re the man behind the mask huh?”

“Yep. My name is s/o.”

“I’m Felicia. Felicia Hardy.”

“Felicia….a pretty name for an even prettier face.”

He says as she can’t help but blush.

“Thanks. You’re not at all bad yourself handsome. Why, I have to refrain myself from pouncing on you right this second.

Now it’s s/o’s turn to blush.

“God, I love you Felicia.”

She looks at him in shock before smiling widely.

“I love you too s/o.”

After saying those three special words for the first time, the two share a passionate kiss and embrace.

Now being in a serious relationship, s/o and Black Cat always have each other’s back despite being a hero and a villain respectively.

Dating a superhero has caused Felicia to gradually become more of a vigilante, helping her boyfriend fight villains if she can.

“We make a great team don’t we?”

“I think so too, and watching my strong handsome boyfriend take down bad guys makes this kitty purr if you know what I mean.”

“I can say the same about you beautiful.”

Even after dating for quite some time, s/o and Felicia never stop flirting with each other, often leading to spontaneous make out sessions.

As far as jealousy goes, there really isn’t any to speak of.

S/o and Black Cat are so enamored with each other that they both know there’s nothing to worry about in terms of other women/men, even taking into consideration Felicia’s flirty nature.

(If s/o ever did get bothered by his girlfriend’s meaningless flirting, she would definitely tone it down for him.)

Dates with these two can literally be anything, but their favorite thing to do is stay at home (whether it be Felicia’s apartment or where s/o lives) and watch movies together on the couch.

“This is nice, after fighting villains all week, it’s safe to say we needed this.”

“Yep, especially because I get you all to myself s/o.”

She tells him sweetly while cuddling up next to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

Because both of them are friends with Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man, it’s not uncommon for s/o and Felicia to mix things up by having a double date with him and MJ.

“Dinner was great as always, but I insist that I split the bill with you Peter.”

“You sure s/o?”

“Of course! You and MJ were kind enough to invite us to come here with you, so it’s the least I can do to thank you both.”

“What a gentleman. You got yourself a good one Felicia.”

Mary Jane tells the white haired girl, who smiles in response.

“That I do MJ, that I do.”

Should a villain ever seriously injure s/o, they’ll soon face the wrath of a very pissed off Black Cat.

“Hurting my man wasn’t very bright, so now the claws come out. They say a cat has nine lives, so let’s see how many you have!”

Luckily Spider-Man was there to stop her from doing something she’d regret.

“Cat, you don’t wanna do this! Do you think s/o would be ok with what you were about to do?”

Upon hearing the mention of her boyfriend, Felicia calms down a little and focuses on getting s/o some medical attention as Peter deals with the villain.

After s/o fully recovers, Felicia will become slightly clingy for a while.

“That scumbag was lucky Peter stopped me, because I was this close to using him as my personal scratching post, and let me tell you, this cat has some really sharp claws.”

She says with a pout while holding him tightly to her chest.

“I didn’t know my pretty kitty was so protective.”

“What can I say? I’m the type of girl who doesn’t appreciate someone messing with what’s hers.”

“Oh so I’m yours huh?”

He asks her teasingly, making his girlfriend chuckle.

“Yep, but you already knew that.”

“True, though you know that means your mine right?”

Felicia smirks in response and whispers breathily into her boyfriend’s ear.

“Oh believe me, I do. This kitty is all yours s/o.”

And just like that, things proceed to get a bit…….spicy between the two.

Nearly three years after they began dating, s/o decides it’s finally time to pop the question, and he does so after bringing Felicia to the very same rooftop where they first met.

“This place sure brings back a lot of memories doesn’t it?”

“Uh-huh, it’s where a certain handsome hero came into my life that I feel in love with. I’m so happy to have met you that night s/o.”

“I feel the same way Felicia, which is why I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. Felicia Hardy, will you marry me?”

He asks his girlfriend after getting on one knee while showing her an absolutely beautiful ring.

“I was hoping you were gonna do this at some point, because if not, I was gonna propose myself! Yes, of course I’ll marry you s/o!

She pulls him into a passionate kiss after he slips the ring on, the beautiful white haired (former) cat themed thief looking forward to having her hero boyfriend as her hero husband.

[acefictionwriting]

Scout’s Med Bay Stay (TF2 Bang)

-Hi! This is my contribution to the TF2 Big Bang Event! Scout wakes up after being injured to find some new strange people he’s going to get to know.

Made with Artists

@ermg33 - here is their Art Post

@sicc-nasti - here is their Art Post

As the man awoke, he had no idea what was happening. He had no idea where he was, no idea what was going on, or why he was here. It started coming back to him, but before he could put everything together, the pain shot up his legs.

Ow. Right, the enemy grenades. Shit, I hate enemy Demolition bombers. What did you get yourself into, Jeremy? 

Jeremy opened his eyes and looked around, discovering he was in a med bay. The Scouting mission must have gone wrong, really wrong, since the other scout wasn’t there. He didn’t recognize anyone in the room.

“Ah! You are awake! I was hoping to harvest your organs, but at least the replacements worked!”

“What?” 

The Scout looked at the man, and he nearly pissed himself. 

Oh no, not the medic guy again. 

“Uh, I don’t—” Jeremy tried to make an excuse for the man not to get too close, but before he could, the Medic was pulling him up from the bed to sit him up. 

“You stay here Späher, I will get you the new medicine. You will make a great first test!!”

Jeremy didn’t have time to stop the man, nor did he really want to. He also didn’t ask why the American medic was German. 

His legs were still killing him, and despite the dread he felt thinking about everything that could have happened to him, he ripped off the sheets anyway out of impulsive curiosity. They looked perfectly fine, besides the fact they had been cut off and reattached and left a giant scar. That’s probably OK. He moved his foot to find out if they still worked and jumped up in pain. 

“He is brutal, but he always succeeds. Your legs work alright, Erreur?” 

Scout looked to his right, and a man he hadn’t noticed before was there. The man had a bandage covering most of his face and was standing in the shadows enough that the rest wasn’t showing. It sounded like he smoked enough to kill him twice a day. 

“Jesus, man, didn’t see ya there. Yeah, they work. If they didn’t, I dunno what I’d do. I’m a runner. I do the Scout work, finding out where the Germans are gonna be and making sure there’s no trouble. And if there was trouble, well, I took care of it.”

“You aren’t supposed to do that on scouting missions.”

“Well, I did. And that’s gonna make me a hero or something when it works out. Then I’ll go home to my girl, and she won’t be able to resist me!” 

“WE WILL GO HOME TO OUR WOMEN WHEN WE WIN THIS BLASTED WAR. KEEP AT IT SOLDIER. WE’LL KEEP THOSE GERMANS AT BAY AND—” 

Scout turned his head to see a man in full restraints on a bed, wearing an oversized helmet over his eyes. The Medic seemed to know this man and definitely didn't like him.

“Nein… not again. You are not a soldier. How do you get in here…” 

“I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER THROUGH AND THROUGH—” 

“You have a head injury, du verdammter Idiot.” 

Scout turned his head away from the half-shouting match, half-desperate argument. The bandaged man in the shadows had disappeared, which Jeremy thought was fucking weird. 

With nothing else to do, he pulled out his locket with a blurry picture of Pauline F. Pauling. 

She’ll like me for sure now that I’ve got manly scars and stuff. I’ll come home her hero, and we’ll get to kiss and— 

“MMMFF MMMH MMM.” 

“GAH— WHY ARE YOU ALL SO QUIET UNTIL I’M TRYING TO FOCUS?” 

Scout turned to the bed on his left, seeing the not-a-soldier and the medic fight in the background, and someone entirely wrapped in bandages in the bed close to his. 

“Jesus, what happened to you?” 

“Mmmhff mmmhb mffhh mmmmffhhhh mmm MMMFF mmmh.” 

“Ja, we don’t know who that is. Don’t even know what side they’re on. I’ve just been using them for my experimental injections. Beyond that?” The medic shrugged and resumed his argument with the American. 

“I gotta get out of here. We gotta get out of here; you gotta be real messed up from that.” 

The burned patient muttered a muffled something that sounded like a verbal shrug. They then pointed to the locket. 

“My girl? Yeah, she’s a real beaut, huh?” 

“Is that ‘your girl’ mon étrange collègue enfantin?” 

“OK, we’re getting you a bell.”

The French man sighed and stepped away from the shadow of the door. He stuck to the shadows and the wall, but stood next to the scout. Despite not knowing the man, Jeremy felt like a stray cat had sat next to him while not getting close to anyone else. It would be some sort of honor if the stench of cigarettes wasn’t so overpowering. 

“Écoute, mon ami, you have been injured. Is there anyone you would like to inform? This girl? Perhaps your mother?”

“Well, I gotta tell Ma about this. I bet Pauling would love to hear about me and my cool battle wounds now.”

“Right… I’m sure. I will get the communications officer.”

Even Scout could see the man just wanted to leave the conversation.

Why’d he look so uncomfortable? 

There was silence then, or as much of a silence as there could be in the overcrowded room. Scout never liked not being part of a conversation in a group of people. He felt left out. His brothers always seemed closer to each other than to him, so he was pushed out of conversations often, even when they did not mean to exclude him. Scout looked around the room. He supposed the same thing had kept happening in the army. He had had brief conversations with everyone in the medical area, but they all ended suddenly. He preferred the chaos of everyone popping up suddenly to the emptiness of everyone ignoring him. Jeremy looked over to the burn victim to his left, but they had fallen asleep, it seemed, as they made a cartoonish mimimimimi sound from under the seemingly infinite bandages. The silence was uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough for Jeremy to wake up someone with severe injuries.

“Ah. You’re no help.” 

The Scout briefly considered talking to himself, but remembered when he was caught and teased by his brothers for that. Ma had said they meant well, but even so, Jeremy never wanted to seem crazy. At least not in a nonviolent way. Instead of talking to himself, he decided to do what he usually did when he was nervous or unsure. He counted all the ways he was the coolest person alive who would totally live the most incredible life anyone ever had. He was on reason number seven (he had miscounted severely. It was the 16th reason) when the door opened again. 

“Hey, face guy! You’re back! Is this that letter guy? Make my injury sound really bad so it looks better when I go home. Hey, wait, there's two guys.”

The first man was tall and had an eyepatch. Scout thought that was awesome. He had a bottle of… what smelled like 100% alcohol in his hand and was leaning against the doorway, half asleep, half on high alert. Scout thought it best not to disturb this man until he became more aware of his surroundings. Instead, the scout turned his attention to the other man, with papers in his hands.

The second man was short and had other features that Scout immediately ignored in favor of the robotic arm the man had. 

“WOAH, ARE YOU A ROBOT?”

The man laughed warmly, as if he’d heard it before from others. 

“Well, I’m technically a cyborg,” said the man, with a warm smile, “and I’m also the correspondence officer until we find another guy who isn’t dead to do it. I’m Dell, but they call me Engineer most of the time.”

“Can I ask, like, a bajillion questions about the—” 

“No, you may not! But my friend here is gonna ask you a few questions before we get this letter written. Tavish, I think you’d better do the talking.” 

Scout had thought Dell was friendly, and he generally seemed to be, but there was a tone to the man’s voice that said another question about his arm would make him far less friendly. So Jeremy decided to do the most difficult thing he’d ever done, and be quiet as the Engineer stepped aside to make room for the hulking man with the eyepatch. 

“My name is Tavish. I’m a demolitions expert addicted to alcohol and explosives—” 

“Wrong speech, buddy,” said the Engineer encouragingly, as though this had happened many times before. 

“Aye, right. Ahem.” 

Tavish took out a piece of paper from his back pocket that was surprisingly pristine. He took a stick of dynamite out from the other, put it back, and looked around for something else. The French guy handed him a small gun as though knowing what he was looking for. 

“Right, thanks.” The demolitions expert shot the ceiling twice to gather everyone’s attention. He handed the gun back and took reading glasses out of another pocket. 

“You are all hereby requested for a special secret mission. The people hiring you will not reveal their names or the mission’s purpose, but we assure you that it is of utmost importance. You will be relocated to a strategic and secret area that may turn the tide in this war. Each of you has been selected due to the special skills you possess, as well as a general lack of morality. Also, we will pay you. We know some of you are here to be paid. We implore you to consider this opportunity and join our team.”

“Hey, where did your British accent come from there, weren’t you Irish or Scottish or somethin’? Also, yeah, I’m gonna do that. Can I tell my Ma?” 

“Aye. Any other questions?”

“Ja, will there be room for my experiments there? Also, mein vögel, can they come? I can go with du all if I’m not taken from my work.”

“Aye, your experiments are why you're here, and experimenting with test subjects is encouraged.” 

“Oh, then Ja!” 

Each person asked questions, but since Scout had already accepted, the Engineer gave him one of the papers to sign and started writing Jeremy’s letter on another paper that was not a contract. Jeremy let everyone else fade into the background as he told his mom and his girl all about his injuries and how much he missed them in the letters. He took a while to sign his name, struggling with the letters, but Dell was quite understanding. Jeremy decided that he enjoyed the Engineer’s company. 

The only thing that seemed off was the Spy. He did not seem excited about the contract, but he did sign the papers. 

Each of the men, now called The Teufort Mercenaries, were helped out to the vehicle, except for the burned one, who was driven in a personal ambulance since they couldn’t move. 

Scout wondered how they signed the paperwork. He wondered how his Ma would take it, with him being gone even longer than planned, but how much longer would it be? A week? Probably a week. Ma would be alright, he explained everything in his letter. She had his brothers to take care of her. He smiled, excited to drive off to a new, exciting, and important life. 

The Spy, Demo, and Engineer stayed behind longer than the others. 

“These letters, they will not be sent, non?” 

“No, unfortunately, we have to burn ‘em. Gonna tell everyone these guys died in battle.”

“What about ze medic?” 

“Oh, we don’t know where he came from. He just started saving lives by making abominations to god, and we let him.”

“What ze fuck is wrong with you all?” 

“Ask the higher-ups.” 

Meanwhile, Tavish was getting paid by a woman who addressed herself as P. He assumed that was because of her purple attire. 

“So you’ll take them all to the desert location, right?”

“Aye.” 

“And you won’t ask questions?”

“Aye. Not my job.”

“You’ll be perfect. Here’s the hundred. Go take them to Teufort.” 

The woman then started calling her boss and walking away, and Tavish walked away as well. He thought he had heard, “They’re out of our hair now,” but he did not question it because it was his job now not to ask questions.

They all rejoined the group in the van, everyone having been ignorant of their absence. The lively chatter continued as everyone awaited their trip to a new life. A life that was not the heroic one they had expected, but simply a way to rid the world of these strange people. 

[stuckinapril]

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

[chibishortdeath]

Ok stupid rant, but I’m sick of looking up a game and only being able to find guides and wikis made by people who obviously hate the game they’re writing information about.

I was looking for guides for the hedge maze portion of Castlevania 64 because I was stuck in it and couldn’t visualize what the layout of maze looks like (turns out, it’s not technically a traditional maze, aka one route to the exit, which helps a lot) and the only guide I can find is one on gamefaqs or something where the person cannot contain themselves from constantly interjecting to say how much they don’t like Malus cause “ugh overdramatic cutscene, his parents are dead who cares, he looks like a girl” or how they hate the game cause it’s too hard and annoying and “oh boy as if this game couldn’t get worse”.

And like dude! Sincerely! Shut up! I don’t care! I just want to know what I’m supposed to do! You are allowed to dislike the game and express your opinions, just please keep those to a little ending opinion section or a review!!! Stop breaking up actual instructions I can’t keep track of what you’re telling me to do!!!!!!!!!!!

And I saw something similar happen on a different smaller wiki-ish sort of website (it might have been the Castlevania Dungeon, I’m not sure. Definitely not Fandom tho.) on the Castlevania: The Adventure page when I was looking for some facts. Again, the person writing was constantly being all “not that this game is important anyway” and like! I literally don’t care if you don’t like the game that’s not what I’m here for!!! Heck the website even had some misinformation on the page too saying that Christopher was Simon’s grandson in that “or whatever, it doesn’t matter” kind of tone! Like!!!!! Shut up!!!!!!!!!!!! I am here for factual information! Not a review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s just absolutely annoying and now I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do in CV64 cause I can barely process what this guy is saying ugh.

[starbuck]

if they paid a living wage, interpretive jobs really would be one of the few kinds of non-evil work in existence… you literally just get to be in a space… and share it with people… crazy…

[skhardwarevers1]

lowkey. Not over my ex at all

[jikigo]

you ever just see a post and just

. 😭

.⬅️🫀⬅️

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

[ilackallhonour]

.

[teaandduckss]

Have the little shit version while I decide what direction I wanna go in for this au :D

[the-terrible-theys]

(trans!)zach and aviva were bunkmates at science camp. i know because i was there

[sri-rachaa]

im horrible at social situations omg

alternative title: raes overthinking hours

[fuzzyunicorn]

Here to drop some esoteric info: Jesus Christ & Mary Magdalene were IN FACT husband and wife