#the excitement I would’ve felt would’ve been surreal

[dousangelf]

Listened to the Lisa and Stephen episodes on the TDC podcast for the 100th time and I’m here to remind everyone that Kira was suppose to be the narrator at the beginning of the series

Maybe it wouldn’t have made much sense with the story (because how would Kira know what happened? Unless she and Jen reconstructed the story of the resistance with scrolls found from the skeksis and whatever’s left of the gelflings) but it would’ve been so cool to hear Kira after all this time 😔

If anyone’s curious it’s in this episode where she talks abt it ^

[meazalykov]

bayern drama

sydney lohmann x platonic!jamal musiala x bayern!reader

summary: your girlfriend doesn't like what she sees

warnings: jealousy

you take a deep breath, glancing at the crisp, beige, newly released bayern munich kits you're about to wear for the first time. 

it’s a mix of excitement and nerves, your fingers running over the fabric on your body as you sit in the lounge area. the room is filled with energy, players milling around, chatting, waiting for their turn in front of the cameras. 

the men's and women’s teams are mixing today, and for some reason, that makes the anticipation more intense.

“you look fascinated, do you like the new kits?” jamal asks, sinking into the seat next to you, grinning like the goofy friend he always is. 

you’ve known jamal for a while, both on and off the field. not just because you share a team connection, but because of kyla, your cousin—his girlfriend. 

the two of them had been together for over a year now, and it was still a little surreal to think about how small the world was. kyla and jamal? the shy football star and your wildly outgoing cousin? who would’ve thought?

“yeah,” you nod, offering a small smile. “just don’t let me outshine you in front of the camera, musiala.”

he laughs. “we’ll see about that.”

you lean back, watching as some of the others are called for their shoots. sydney is across the room, deep in conversation with some of her teammates, her blonde hair shining under the lights. 

she glances your way, a quick smile passing between the two of you before she turns back to talking. 

you've been with sydney for about eight months now, and despite being teammates, it’s never felt like too much—if anything, it feels right. 

the shared routines, the chemistry on and off the pitch, the little moments between training sessions. you two just fit.

still, today feels different. maybe it’s the mingling of the men's and women's teams, the unfamiliar setup. it’s not every day you get thrown into a photoshoot with jamal musiala, of all people. 

it should be fun. light. nothing serious.

"so," you start, leaning your elbows on your knees as you look at jamal, "how’s kyla been?"

he smiles at the mention of your cousin. "she's good. busy with school and all, but you know her—she never slows down."

"yeah, she really doesn’t," you say, shaking his head with a fond smile. 

"she keeps me on my toes." he laughs. 

"as she should," you tease, nudging him lightly with your elbow. "you're lucky to have her."

jamal grins, clearly enjoying the banter. "trust me, i know."

before you can say anything else, sydney’s voice cuts through the conversation. 

“hey, what are you two talking about?” her tone is casual, but there’s an edge to it that you can’t quite place.

you glance up at her, and she’s standing there with a hand on her hip, eyes flicking between you and jamal. she walks over and plops herself down next to you, closer than necessary, her hand sliding onto your thigh. 

it’s subtle, but you notice. the way she’s suddenly more... present.

“just talking about kyla, my cousin on my mom’s side of the family” you say, giving sydney a reassuring smile. 

“jamal’s still somehow managing to keep up with her.”

jamal chuckles and jokes, “barely. she’s a handful.”

sydney hums, but doesn’t say much else. her fingers drum against your leg, her body leaning into yours just a little more than usual. 

you glance at her out of the corner of your eye, sensing something off. it’s not like her to be this... clingy. possessive, even.

jamal seems to notice it too because he raises an eyebrow, shooting you a questioning look. 

you shake your head slightly, hoping he’ll get the hint to just ignore it.

"so, are you two doing anything special this weekend?" you ask, trying to shift the focus away from whatever weird vibe sydney’s giving off.

jamal opens his mouth to answer, but sydney cuts in, her voice a little too sweet. "oh, i'm sure they’ll be busy. right, jamal?" her arm tightens around your waist as she speaks, her gaze locking on jamal like she’s challenging him.

jamal’s eyes widen slightly, and he lets out a nervous laugh. "uh, yeah, we’ve got a few things planned." he glances at you again, clearly picking up on the tension. 

"you know how it is. always something going on."

you bite your lip, trying to keep the situation from getting too awkward. but it’s hard not to notice the way sydney’s holding onto you, the way her body language is practically screaming insecurity. 

it hits you then—she’s jealous. of jamal. of your conversation with him. it would be almost funny if it wasn’t so out of character for her.

"babe," you say softly, leaning closer to her, "what's going on?"

"nothing," she says quickly, but you can tell by the way her hand tightens on your thigh that it’s anything but nothing.

you exchange a glance with jamal, who’s trying his best to stifle a laugh, his eyes sparkling with amusement. he gets it now too. the fact that you both know what’s happening seems to make it even funnier.

"you're jealous, aren’t you?" you ask, teasing her lightly, but there’s a gentleness to your tone.

sydney scoffs, but her cheeks turn pink. "of course not. why would i be jealous?"

"oh, i don’t know," you say, grinning now. "maybe because you think jamal and i are getting too chummy?"

"please," sydney rolls her eyes, but there’s a playful smile tugging at her lips. "i wasn’t worried about you."

you raise an eyebrow. "oh?"

she smirks. "i was worried about him."

jamal lets out a bark of laughter at that, throwing his head back. "me? seriously?"

"you’re too pretty for your own good, musiala," sydney says with a shrug, but the playful glint in her eyes tells you she’s not actually serious.

you laugh, shaking your head as you wrap an arm around sydney, pulling her closer. 

"you don’t have to worry about either of us, babe. jamal’s with kyla, and you know i don’t swing his way. or any guy’s way, for that matter."

sydney pouts a little, but you can tell she’s already starting to relax. "i know. i just... didn’t like how cozy you two looked."

"we’re just friends," you say softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "and besides, you’re the only one i’ve got eyes for."

sydney smiles at that, leaning into your embrace. "good. because you’re mine."

jamal shakes his head, still laughing as he stands up. "i’m gonna leave you two lovebirds alone and talk to michael before i get caught in the middle of something."

"smart move," you call after him, watching as he heads off to join olise by the snack stand. 

you turn back to sydney, your fingers gently brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "you okay?"

she nods, but there’s a sheepish look on her face. "i’m sorry. i don’t know what got into me."

"it’s okay," you say softly, squeezing her hand. "but you don’t have to worry. ever. i’m all yours."

sydney looks up at you, her eyes softening as she leans in for a kiss. "i know. and i’m sorry for being weird. it’s just... i love you, and sometimes i get scared that someone else will see what i see and try to take you away."

you smile against her lips, pulling her closer. 

"no one’s taking me away from you, syd. i love you too much."

sydney smiles, her hand resting on your cheek as she kisses you again, deeper this time. 

"good. because i plan on keeping you forever."

you laugh, your heart swelling with affection for the woman in your arms. 

"forever sounds pretty good to me."

masterlist

[paddockletters]

unseen | jude bellingham

pairing: jude bellingham x reader  request: yes / Reader who was bullied when young and then jude and her go to her hometown and everyone feels out cause that freaking jude bellingham and they get like, impressed by reader success as an f1 engineer and that she bagged jude? Sorry its way too specific author’s note: Hope you liked it!... as I always say... english is not my first language so pardon me if there are mistakes —feel free to tell me— and my requests are open!👀

The memories of my school days never really left me. Every now and then, they’d come creeping back — a careless comment someone made, or the way people used to whisper when I walked past. I could still picture the sneers, the cold stares, and the cutting remarks. The bullying wasn’t always physical, but the emotional scars felt just as deep. Being the quiet girl who loved math, cars, and physics made me an easy target. I didn’t fit in with the other girls who were into makeup and parties. I was more interested in tweaking engines and dreaming of Formula 1. That difference marked me.

It all began in middle school when I started to realize just how out of place I was. My grades were high, my social skills not so much. Every time I raised my hand in class, there’d be snickers. Every time I’d walk down the hall with my oversized glasses, someone would mutter a snide remark. The bullying wasn’t brutal, but it was consistent, gnawing at me bit by bit. High school wasn’t much better. The teasing continued, though by then, I had learned to keep my head down and drown out the noise by focusing on my dream of working in Formula 1.

Fast forward a few years, and here I am — an engineer for one of the top F1 teams. The transformation was surreal. Sometimes, I still have to pinch myself. Who would’ve thought that the same girl who spent her lunch breaks in the library, sketching out car designs, would one day be standing in the pit lane at Monaco?

But something even crazier happened along the way — I met Jude Bellingham.

It wasn’t some grand, love-at-first-sight story. I wasn’t starstruck when I first saw him. In fact, I didn’t even know who he was. We met at a charity event, one aimed at inspiring young athletes and professionals from underprivileged backgrounds to chase their dreams. Jude was there as the football star, while I had been invited to speak about my journey into F1. He seemed genuinely interested during my talk, but we didn’t interact much that day. It wasn’t until I received a DM on Instagram a few days later that things really started.

“Hey, I loved your speech at the event. I’m Jude, by the way — football player. Would love to grab coffee sometime if you’re up for it.”

I remember staring at my phone, thinking it was a prank. A football star wanted to get coffee with me? It felt like a joke. But I responded, and we met. Coffee turned into long dinners, long dinners turned into walks in the park, and those walks turned into a relationship.

Jude wasn’t what I expected. Sure, he was famous, but he was also kind, funny, and remarkably down-to-earth. He never treated me like I was less important than him. If anything, he seemed fascinated by my work. He’d ask me endless questions about the F1 cars, the strategies, the engineering behind the speed. I’d tease him about football, asking if he really knew what went into designing the perfect car. We just clicked.

Still, going back to my hometown was something I hadn’t done in years. The memories were too bitter. But Jude wanted to go. He wanted to see where I grew up, to meet the people who had shaped me, for better or worse. So we planned a trip. I was nervous as hell, but Jude? He was excited.

The car ride to my hometown felt like an eternity. As Jude hummed along to the soft rhythm of the music playing through the speakers, my mind was far from the road. I hadn’t been back here in years, not since I’d left for university. The thought of returning had always been… daunting. I wasn’t ready to face the ghosts of the past. Or, more specifically, the people who had made my life a living hell when I was younger.

I glanced at Jude, who was focused on the road, one hand casually resting on the wheel, the other on my leg, giving me an occasional reassuring squeeze. His presence grounded me, but that nervous pit in my stomach kept growing the closer we got.

“You’re quiet,” he said, glancing at me.

I forced a smile. “Just... thinking.”

Jude raised an eyebrow, his tone soft as he asked, “About?”

“About how weird this is going to be. I haven’t been back here in years, Jude. People… they remember things. They remember who I was.”

“And who you were is exactly who I love. You know that, right?” he said, giving my thigh another squeeze.

I chuckled softly, leaning back into the seat, trying to push the anxiety down.

“I know. It’s just that, back then, I was the awkward girl who couldn’t fit in. Now I’m walking into town holding hands with Jude Bellingham. People are going to freak out.”

“They’ll freak out because you’re a freaking Formula 1 engineer, not because of me,” he said, grinning. “I bet half the people in town have posters of you in their garage next to their Ferrari die-casts or something.”

“Oh please,” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “No one from my town cares about F1.”

“They should. You’re a genius.”

Jude’s words were always so simple, but they held so much weight. He had a way of making me feel seen, really seen, in a way no one else ever had. That’s what made everything with him feel so different. He wasn’t just the football star that millions of people idolized; he was my Jude, the one who asked me about race strategies and remembered the names of the engineers on my team.

We arrived at the town square just as the afternoon sun cast a warm glow over the small, familiar streets. The sight of it brought back a wave of memories — good and bad. It was strange how everything looked smaller now, less intimidating. The buildings I used to walk past with my head down, trying not to be noticed, now seemed so ordinary.

Jude parked the car, pulling his baseball cap down over his head as we stepped out. I could already see a few people glancing in our direction, their eyes widening with recognition. They weren’t just looking at him, though. They were looking at me.

“Hey, you okay?” Jude asked, stepping closer to me, his arm wrapping around my waist.

I nodded, even though I wasn’t entirely sure. “Yeah, it’s just… surreal.”

We started walking through the town square, hand in hand. I tried to ignore the stares, the whispers. But they were everywhere.

“Oh my god, is that… Jude Bellingham?”

“Wait, isn’t that the girl who used to go to school here? She’s, like, a big deal now, right?”

“I heard she works in Formula 1. How did she end up with him?”

I bit my lip, feeling the familiar wave of insecurity creeping in. But Jude seemed unfazed. If anything, he walked a little taller, as if daring anyone to say something negative. He pulled me in closer, planting a kiss on my temple as we crossed the square.

As we walked into the shopping center, we decided to stop by a café for a drink. I could already feel the buzz of recognition in the air as people realized who Jude was.

Jude sat across from me, casually sipping his drink as if we were anywhere else in the world. He had his cap pulled low over his face, trying to avoid drawing attention, but it was hard not to notice him. He was Jude Bellingham after all.

The stares had started the moment we walked into the square, but he didn’t seem to mind. He had this effortless calm about him, the way he handled attention, fame. Meanwhile, I was doing my best not to feel like I was under a spotlight, even though I knew people were whispering and pointing, probably trying to figure out why he was with me.

I caught a glance from a group of teenagers at the table across from us. They were huddled together, looking our way, giggling and whispering. I sighed, already feeling a bit on edge.

Jude noticed. “You okay?” he asked, his voice low and gentle.

I forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, just... weird being back here.”

“I can imagine,” he said, reaching across the table to take my hand. His thumb brushed over my knuckles in that soothing way he always did. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

I took a deep breath, glancing around the café. “It’s fine. Just... a lot of memories, you know?”

He squeezed my hand, his gaze soft and understanding. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” I said, surprising myself. I had never really told him the full story before.

He knew bits and pieces, but I had kept most of it to myself. Maybe it was time to let him in.

I looked down at our intertwined hands, thinking back to those years.

“I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid,” I started, my voice quieter than I intended.

“I was the one they picked on. The ‘geeky’ one. I loved math, engineering, all the stuff no one else thought was cool. I spent more time in the library than anywhere else. They made fun of me for it—my glasses, my clothes, the fact that I never fit in.”

Jude’s expression softened. “Kids can be cruel.”

“They were,” I agreed, a bitter laugh escaping me. “It wasn’t just teasing though. It got pretty bad at times. I used to dread coming to school. Every day felt like walking into a battlefield. I just wanted to disappear, you know?”

Jude’s grip on my hand tightened slightly. “I hate that you went through that.”

I shrugged, trying to play it off like it didn’t matter anymore.

“It’s in the past. I got out. I became an F1 engineer, so jokes on them, I guess.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You don’t have to act like it doesn’t still hurt. It’s okay to feel that.”

I looked up at him, my throat tightening with the emotion I hadn’t realized was building up.

“It does, sometimes. I mean, I know I’ve made it, but coming back here... it just brings all that stuff up again.”

He stood up then, coming around the table to sit beside me. Without a word, he pulled me into a hug, his arms wrapping around me protectively.

“You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for,” he whispered into my hair. “You’re brilliant, and you’ve worked so hard to get where you are. They didn’t see that back then, but it doesn’t matter. I see it. The world sees it now.”

I leaned into him, letting his warmth and words wrap around me like a blanket.

We stayed like that for a few moments before pulling apart slightly, Jude resting his forehead against mine.

“You’ve got nothing to prove to anyone here,” he said softly. “You’re you, and that’s more than enough.”

I smiled, squeezing his hand. “Thank you. For always knowing what to say.”

Jude grinned, leaning back in his chair. “Well, you did bag me, so I’d say you’re doing something right.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s part of my charm,” he teased, flashing that trademark grin.

As we sat there, talking about everything and nothing, a few more people came up to us. A couple of them recognized me from school. I could see the surprise in their eyes, like they couldn’t believe the girl they used to tease was sitting here with a world-famous footballer.

“Hey, I remember you,” a girl of the group said, her voice laced with nostalgia. “You were in my physics class, right?”

I nodded, offering a polite smile. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Wow,” she said, glancing between me and Jude. “I heard you’re doing big things now. Formula 1, right?”

“Yeah, I’m an engineer for one of the teams.”

“That’s… amazing,” she said, looking genuinely impressed. “I always knew you were smart, but I didn’t realize… well, you know.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, but Jude jumped in, his arm draping casually around my shoulders.

“She’s a genius. She’ll never admit it, but she’s probably the best engineer in F1 right now.”

I blushed, nudging him playfully. “Stop exaggerating.”

The girl chuckled awkwardly, clearly a bit starstruck by Jude’s presence. “Well, it’s great to see you doing so well. And… with him. That’s pretty cool.”

After she left, I turned to Jude, who was grinning like he’d just won the Champions League.

“What?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jude grinned. “See? People notice. They’re impressed, as they should be.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “You’re biased.”

“Maybe,” he said, leaning in to kiss my temple. “But I’m also right.”

As we walked through the shopping center, I could still feel people glancing our way, some whispering, others taking quick pictures on their phones. But for the first time, I didn’t feel like the awkward, out-of-place girl from school. I felt like someone who had earned her place in the world, someone who had worked hard and made it.

A few more people came up to Jude, asking for pictures or autographs, but he always made sure to include me in the conversation, making it clear that I wasn’t just the girl on his arm. I was someone in my own right.

At one point, a young girl, probably no older than ten, approached me shyly. She held a notebook in her hand, her eyes wide with admiration.

“Excuse me,” she said quietly, “are you the F1 engineer? The one who works with the cars?”

I blinked in surprise, glancing at Jude before nodding. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Her face lit up, and she held out her notebook. “Could I have your autograph? I want to be an engineer one day, just like you.”

My heart melted, and I took the notebook from her, scribbling my name with a quick message of encouragement. “You can be whatever you want to be,” I told her, handing it back. “Just keep working hard and never stop believing in yourself.”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Thank you!”

As she ran off, I turned to Jude, who was watching me with a proud smile.

“See?” he said softly. “You’re a role model.”

I smiled, leaning into him. “I guess I am.”

As we walked, Jude nudged me with his elbow.

“You handled that like a pro.”

“I don’t know how you do it all the time,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

He laughed. “You get used to it.”

Jude looked over at me, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“I’m proud of you, you know.”

I glanced up at him, my heart swelling with affection. “For what?”

“For being you. For everything you’ve accomplished. And for putting up with me,” he teased, nudging me playfully.

I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in years. “It’s not always easy, but I manage.”

As we left the shopping center and headed back to the car, I realized something important. This place might have been where my story started, but it didn’t define me anymore. I had moved on, grown, become someone I was proud of. And with Jude by my side, I knew I could face whatever came next, even if it meant coming back to the place I once tried so hard to leave behind.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙤𝙢 || dieter bravo x camgirl!reader (part three; finale)

read 𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙩 (part one) and 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙢 (part two) first!

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || he can't believe you're really here— now he has to just try not to blow it... figuratively speaking.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 5.7k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut (18+ only; unprotected sex, oral f receiving, multiple orgasms/overstimulation [for reader], creampie), sex work (however dieter technically does not pay the reader for sex, just her flight to visit him c:), mentions of covid-19 pandemic, soft dieter being soft, emotions!! lots of 'em!, extremely sappy/fluffy ending (oops?)

He wasn’t sure who he was more worried would get recognized: you, or himself.

It was his idea to go out to dinner first, in fact he’d insisted on it.  Going out to dinner in times like these was a bit iffy, but thankfully the place had outdoor dining and you’d both already tested negative— for more than just the virus…

It was a beautiful evening to eat outside, but it made him even more anxious that any passerby might know him either of you from your respective works; so far, no one had said anything though.

As he watched you take a sip of your sparkling water, he realized that he hadn’t had a crush on anyone in a long, long time.  He hadn’t had sweating palms and a racing heart and a dry throat over someone since probably high school.  By the time he was in his BFA program, he was so focused on his craft that he didn’t find himself worrying much about that sort of stuff— and if he wanted to get someone into bed, it didn’t seem like much to stress over.

This was different.  This wasn’t an issue of getting you to sleep with him, although he certainly hoped you wouldn’t renege on the intentions you’d stated before— this was about getting you to like him, maybe even (as he would’ve put it back when he last had a crush) ‘like like’ him.

“Was your flight okay?” Dieter asked compulsively to fill the silence, proud of himself for thinking of something to say.

“Still good,” you nodded.  “You asked me that when we first got here.”

“Right,” he sighed, “sorry.  I forgot.”

“It’s fine,” you laughed, setting your glass down on the white tablecloth.  “I’m nervous, too.  But in a good way.”

He smiled.  “Yeah— I’m just really excited that you’re here.  And it’s still kind of weirding me out that you’re… you know, real.”

“It’s definitely trippy,” you agreed.  “When you see somebody over video chat a lot, they look sort of surreal in real life.”

“Are you… speaking from experience?” he wondered, lowering his voice a bit.

“Yeah— but not this kind of experience,” you clarified.  “I’ve never met anyone from my work before— I told you that.”

“Right, yeah— I believe you,” he assured.  “Have you ever flown overseas just to meet someone before?”

You laughed, looking down for a second.  “No, I haven’t,” you answered, “but this isn’t the first time I’ve been, you know, wined and dined by somebody…”

“Well, I figured this wasn’t your first date,” Dieter scoffed.

“No, I mean— well, yeah,” you hummed, “but I, um… before I started camming, I was actually a sugar baby.  So I’ve had my flights paid for before, is what I mean.”

He widened his eyes a little, but nodded— hoping to look more intrigued than overwhelmed.  “Oh, wow, that’s— I don’t know a lot about that, honestly…”

“I was about to ask if you’d ever had a sugar baby before,” you smirked, “guess not.”

“Yeah, no,” he shook his head, “not my— not for me.  Not before, I mean— is that what you want?”

He got a little nervous that you would only want that— a relationship built on money.  He was more than happy to drop some cash on you— he’d offered to pay for everything for you on this trip, it only seemed fair when you had to come all this way— but he got a sick feeling in his stomach imagining that that was all you wanted from him.

But then again, he just said he didn’t know a lot about it, maybe it wasn’t like that… he just felt like it was another performance, and that was the last thing he needed from anybody.

“O-oh, no— not with us,” you answered quickly, blinking a few times, and he sighed with relief.  “I mean, it was nice— it wasn’t all old guys and crazy finance douchebags like people think,” you explained with a laugh, “but it was… it was hard work, in its own way.  ‘Cause another misconception is that it’s sex in exchange for money and gifts— it’s not, not the way I did it at least.  Those guys wanted the ‘girlfriend experience’... that’s the most profitable thing, whether it’s online or in-person.”

Dieter cleared his throat; can’t blame them, I guess…

“But, you know, they didn’t have the time for a genuine relationship, so it was like giving that emotion but never receiving it,” you continued, “and that was exhausting.  Not to mention most of them had other girls involved… I’m not a jealous person, but you know, that’s obviously not what I want for myself in the end.  So I switched to camming, worked out well with the pandemic and everything…”

“I’m sure,” Dieter agreed.  “So, um… maybe this is kind of a forward question, for a first date, but… what do you want for yourself in the end?”

You seemed to get a little more shy, then.  “Well…” you began softly.  “Despite what you’ve seen me do, I’m a pretty traditional girl.  I want a serious relationship, I want a lifelong commitment, I want… a family, probably.”

It was hard not to feel a lump in his throat when you said that, even if his emotions were conflicted at best.

“I mean— that doesn’t have to be you,” you rushed out, “I’m just saying… that’s the end goal.  I have a lot of time for that, in my opinion.”

“No, right,” he agreed.  “So then, I guess the obvious question— and probably a much easier one— is what’s your goal for tonight?”

You raised an eyebrow.  “I already told you my goal for tonight.”

He swallowed thickly.  He remembered your last message before getting on the plane pretty clearly: boarding now. hopefully i can get some sleep but i’m pretty wired ngl. just thinking about getting there and jumping your bones. i want you to fuck me so hard i can’t walk (or think) straight.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded at all if you just took me straight to the hotel,” you smirked, “but dinner is nice.”

“Yeah, I— I thought about it,” he admitted.  “But… can I be honest?”

“Always.”

“I wanted this to be more than just… that,” he said.  He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to tell you, but he hoped it wouldn’t bother you too much.  Thankfully, the gentle smile creeping up your face seemed to indicate that it wasn’t particularly offensive.

“So, what do you want this to be?” you pressed.

“We can figure that out as we go,” he offered, “we should get to know each other better— for real.  But that night that we stayed up until three just talking after what was supposed to be a one-hour call—”

He saw you smile even wider as you remembered it.

“I haven’t felt close to anyone like that in—” he began, but it all stopped as the waiter suddenly appeared from thin air.

“Your tortellini, ma’am,” he said as he set your plate down in front of you, and you offered an intrigued ‘ooh’ as you examined the dish, “and your langoustines alla busara,” he finished as he set Dieter’s food down.

“Thank you,” you offered the server with a polite nod, but Dieter could only muster a hum— he was a little miffed that the guy had managed to interrupt such an important moment.

“Anything else I can get for you two?” he asked, looking back and forth.

You looked over at him to check first, before shaking your head and replying, “No, I think we’re alright.”

“Excellent,” he beamed.  “And— can I just say one thing?”

You both paused, not sure what to make of that.  “Uh, sure,” Dieter decided, since the waiter seemed to be looking at him.

“I loved you in Hunger Strike,” he said excitedly; Dieter tensed up, wanting to look at you to gauge your reaction but suddenly too afraid of what he’d find.

“Oh, thank you,” he mumbled out, “that… means a lot.”

“I mean, it really moved me,” the waiter insisted, even though Dieter just wanted this interaction to end promptly.  “You were so— I’m really not trying to intrude, but is there any way I can get your autograph?”

Then he looked at you, and he couldn’t quite read the expression on your face— amusement, maybe, with a hefty dose of discomfort as well.  You looked away and took a long sip of your drink.  “Uhh,” Dieter choked, looking back at his adoring fan, “you’ll get my autograph when you bring the check.”

Seeming to realize that he had gone too far, the young man straightened up and cleared his throat.  “Right, uh— enjoy your meal.”

Scampering away, he left the both of you behind, along with all that tension he’d created.  How come he got a escape a situation that was his own fault, and Dieter was stuck here wondering if you would be upset that he didn’t tell you who he really was— or if you’d reveal you were a crazy stalker-fan the whole time— or if knowing he was famous would change your interest in being with him (if you even had any)?

“I’m… sorry about that,” Dieter finally offered to you, and you started to smile.

“Don’t be,” you chuckled, “it was kinda funny.  Do you usually react so… badly, to that kind of thing?”

He coughed a bit.  “No, I— are you not…?  Do you know—?”

“I saw the movie, Hector, I don’t live under a rock,” you admitted.

“Oh.”  Not sure what to say next, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “What did you think of it?”

Shrugging, you answered with a simple ‘eh’.  There was a pause before he began to crack up— and then you did, too. 

“So, I’ve been worrying about all you finding out about my career for nothing?” he assumed, and you nodded.

“I didn’t recognize you right away,” you explained, “but I put it together before we planned all this.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he wondered.

“I mean, I didn’t think I needed to, really,” you shrugged again.  “It’s just your job.  I was ready to talk about it if you brought it up— if you wanted to vent about work or something— but you never did, so I figured it must not be relevant.”

“Does it… change anything between us?” he asked nervously.  “Do you feel weird about going out with a movie star?”

“Mm, I don’t know about star…” you smirked, making him laugh again— and that was the part that was the same as always.  You still made him laugh, and now that the two of you were really talking again, it felt just like that night that you talked for hours— but even better.

When the plates were cleaned and the bill was paid, the two of you walked back to his hotel— he’d picked this place in part because he could see it from his window.  But that brief walk back was one of his favorite parts of the night so far, only because he’d slipped his arm around you, and you leaned into him: in that moment, he felt more normal than he had in a long time— and yet, at the same time, special in a way he’d never felt before.

~

“I tried to clean up in here, but—”

“Isn’t there housekeeping for that?” you wondered.  

“Yeah, but… I’ve had the ‘do not disturb’ sign up for the past week,” Dieter explained.  “Didn’t want anyone to come in while we were talking…”

“Right,” you smiled, finishing your examination of the room and turning to face him again.  The door shut on its own; you were looking at him with every light in the room reflected in your eyes.

He stepped closer to you, and wrapped his arms around you, and— why were his palms so clammy?  “I don’t think I’ve been this nervous to kiss someone since… since maybe my first ever kiss,” he recalled, and you laughed softly.

“Yeah, me either,” you whispered back, and he ran his hand over the curve of your hip.  “Who was your first kiss?”

“Uh, Sandy something… Brendan, I think— no, Brennan… Sandy Brennan.  We sat next to each other in History class in seventh grade,” he recalled.  “What about you?”

“I mean, unless you count a peck or two from my kindergarten boyfriend,” you chuckled, “my first real kiss wasn’t until high school— Gregory Cho.  But I wasn’t that nervous… actually, I was sort of ready to get it over with.”

“There was someone I was really nervous to kiss in high school, too,” he recalled, “but that was… different.”

“Who was it?”

That name was much easier to recall.  “Alex Brooks.”

“Was she super pretty?  Or popular?” you pressed, wondering what had him so nervous, what made it different.

“Both,” Dieter replied quickly.  “And… he was captain of the basketball team.”

You didn’t react strongly, but he still noticed it.

“Is that—?” he began to ask.

“He sounds like a real catch,” you smiled.  “Was he a good kisser?”

“Yeah,” Dieter laughed, “for a high schooler.  I guess things don’t feel as special now as they did back then— just some decent making-out in someone’s dad’s truck was the coolest thing, now it’s like— it’s all right there, you don’t have to…” he trailed off, but started a new sentence.  “I mean, even you— I’ve seen every part of you, but I just really met you for the first time.  And somehow I’m so afraid to kiss you.”

You were still smiling, but it changed, and you reached up to rest your hand on the back of his neck; it made him shiver in the best way.  “If you’re afraid, then it must still be pretty special.”

You kissed him, after all that; he would’ve felt bad for making you wait, if he wasn’t so fully engrossed in kissing you back and pulling you closer and breathing in deeply against your skin.  

For a long time, that was all it was— just one, amazing kiss.  Just his lips on yours and the gentle dance of trying to go further without going to far; just your hands holding tightly onto his shoulders as he gripped your waist through the dress.

You started to pull him across the room by his shirt— towards the bed— and broke away to speak; he tried to chase your lips for more, but stopped when you bit your lip and rested a finger on his chin.

“You haven’t seen every part of me,” you corrected him— even though he barely fucking remembered saying that after a kiss like that.  “I mean, my body, sure, but… not who I really am.”

“Then show me that,” he pleaded.  “That’s what I want— you, everything.”

You smiled wide and kissed him again, the two of you toppling onto the bed together.  

He’d been thinking about doing this since the moment he saw you: pulling up the bottom of your dress so he could pet your thighs, enamored with the smoothness of your skin.  “Baby,” he purred when he caught sight of your panties— what little there was of them.  The lace just gave him a glimpse of what was beneath, a tease of your perfect little cunt.

“God, I need you so bad,” you groaned as you pulled him down for another kiss; he’d been hard since you wrapped your arms around him, and he could swear he was already throbbing by the time he rocked his hips against yours.  “Fuck— feels even bigger than it looked…”

“Maybe your computer screen wasn’t big enough,” he joked, making you laugh lightly before another moan came out when he rocked down on you again.  “What do you want, beautiful?”

“You… you know what I want…” you panted, wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Humor me,” he encouraged, moving in to kiss your neck— and loving the way you squirmed under him.

“Want— want you to fuck me,” you whimpered, “want you to make me— fuck— yours…”

He groaned deeply as he rutted his hips into yours harder, finally taunting you to the point that you had to reach down and start opening his pants.  “So eager,” he mocked playfully, as if he wasn’t going to ravage you the second you were done getting his cock out.

In fact, he almost tore your dress as he pulled it down to expose your chest, barely finding the time to appreciate the view of your tits before latching his mouth onto them.  “Oh fuck,” you gasped, and he smiled around the pert nipple in his mouth; these had seemed sensitive from the way you toyed with them as you touched yourself, but it was heaven on earth to confirm his suspicion himself.

“Want me to make you mine?” he prompted again, voice muffled by your delicate skin in his mouth, and you whimpered as you nodded.

“Yes— please—” you begged.

“Not sure I can do that,” he warned, and you gave him a confused look.  “You’re already mine, you told me yourself.”

You giggled, arching your back slightly as the tip of his tongue drew circles on you.  "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Mhm," he confirmed.  "Hard to forget."

"Well, m'still yours," you offered, "but I need you right now, I'll do— fuck, anything, just—"

"You don't need to do anything," he assured, looking up at you as he moved his mouth from your breast down a little lower, "just lay back and I'm gonna take care of you."

You bit your lip and nodded.

"Second I saw you I wanted to kiss you all over," he sighed.

"Well, I've got a couple ideas of where you can start," you smirked.

And yes, he would love to start there, but he needed to do his best not to rush this.  So, smiling up at you first, he began his journey.  His lips and tongue explored your body on his way down: a kiss here, a lick there, a playful bite when he felt extra naughty.  "You're so fucking beautiful," he mumbled against you.

"Yeah?  You too," you sighed.

He didn't think of himself like that— handsome, maybe, certainly aware of his better angles, but beautiful felt strange.  But he liked it, especially when you said it.  Especially when you said it while he was slotting his face between your legs.

It was even prettier up close, and the smell was fucking intoxicating: tangy and musky and sweet, heady, earthy, human.  And he knew you'd taste even better.

So he dove right in.  Maybe he should've started with your clit, that would've been the obvious choice, but his instincts led him to just slide his tongue right into your hole.  If nothing else, it certainly seemed to take you off guard, and you gasped as you grabbed onto his hair with both hands.

"Baby, fuck, that's— oh god, you can't imagine how many times I thought of this," you admitted, breathing heavy already.  He smiled against you, then gave you one big lick from the furthest down his tongue could reach all the way to the very top— all while holding fierce eye contact with you.  "Fu-uuuuck," you choked, dropping your head back just as your eyes rolled up.  "That's so… just do that again, please…"

He did it a few more times, noticing the way you seemed to get more impatient with each one, until your hips were chasing after his tongue.  "Stay still, baby, don't you trust me to do this right?" he purred, holding tighter on your hips.

"Yeah, I just— been so long," you whimpered.

He just did his best to find what made you scream the loudest and keep doing that— you were so sensitive, he just had to press his tongue down flat on your clit and move it in circles and you’d start shaking and sobbing and begging.  He moaned into you every time you tugged on his hair, having to rock his hips against the bed to appease his attention-deprived cock.

"You're… so amazing," you panted, "I— fuck! Oh god, I can't remember the last time someone—"

You never finished your thought, because he started fucking you with his tongue and you were too busy moaning his name, but he couldn't believe what a waste it was that nobody was eating this pussy on a regular basis.

"Gonna— oh fuck, yes, gonna come," you warned, "I… I'm gonna come so fucking hard…"

You started shaking, and he started fighting to keep you as still as he could so his work wouldn't be interrupted.  For a second he wondered if you were already coming or not— but then you made this noise, and your cunt clamped down on his tongue, and you cried out his name; it was perfect, it was the most beautiful moment he could ever imagine.

When it became too much, you went from tugging his hair to pushing him away with it, and he grinned up at you with a breathy laugh.  “Fuck, baby,” you whimpered, and he saw the tear streaks on your temples and cheeks.  He traced one with his thumb before kissing you again— deep and hungry, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

He hummed when your hands reached down to work on getting his pants off— eager and shaky, he certainly related to that.  As soon as your hand wrapped around his cock, he moaned, just from that.  He was almost embarrassed about it, until you bit his lip in playful encouragement.  "Does that feel good?" you purred.

"Yeah— your hands are better than mine," he laughed breathlessly.  

"How about this?" you raised an eyebrow, swiping your thumb over his slit, and he groaned as he rocked into your touch.

"God, baby…" he groaned.  As good as it felt, he found the strength to grab you by both your wrists and pin them down by your head.  You grinned, struggling just a bit, and moaned as he slid his cock against your soaking pussy.

“Don’t tease me,” you begged, “feels like I’ve been waiting forever.”

But he wasn’t teasing you— he was psyching himself up.

Believe it or not, he actually felt pretty nervous about this part.  Not for a lack of experience— for the entirely opposite reason.  Dieter had been with a lot of people, and for the most part, it was all… the same.  It all blended together— he only remembered those people from when he was a kid because he was a kid, and his romantic encounters were so few and far between.  He could remember details of his various partners from the last few years— Crystal who had a clit piercing, Marvin who begged to be choked, Cameron who seemed to enjoy giving him a blowjob even more than he enjoyed receiving it— but this, the actual sex, it was generally pretty interchangeable.  

So, he was worried that after all that build-up, after all the yearning and fantasizing and talking, that this would be the end of it being special— and you would just turn into a hook-up with a slightly more interesting backstory than the rest.  

As valid as that fear was, it was far from enough to stop him now, not when you were looking up at him and tightening your fists as he kept you pinned and silently begging for him with your eyes.

He had to let go of one of your hands to guide himself inside, but he interlaced the other with your fingers while he did it— and then, with one strong push, he was fully within you.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, “you feel… different.”

You raised an eyebrow, chuckling a little.  “Uh, different than what?”

Than everyone else.  “I— I don’t know,” he breathed, “I’m not making sense.”

“Not really,” you agreed with a laugh.

“Hard to think straight right now,” he defended.

It wasn’t just that you felt different— it was that this felt different: being with someone he really cared about, that he wanted to impress, that he wanted to see after this was over.

Someone that he never wanted to let go of.

“You feel so fucking perfect,” you whimpered, “fuck, don’t stop— feels so good—”

One of the benefits of making you come on his tongue first was that he knew it wouldn't be that bad if he didn't last too long now— though that wasn't why he did it.  In fact, this was rarely his issue, if anything sometimes he struggled to finish for unclear reasons.

But even if he could get away with finishing quickly, he wanted to make this last as long as he could.  He never wanted this to end, actually.

As he found his pace— not too speedy yet, but with a bit of his eagerness showing— he kissed you again, deeply and hungrily.  He wondered if he'd ever done this before: kissing during sex.  He felt like he probably had, and yet he couldn't remember it— maybe that said more than anything.

This, on the other hand, was very memorable.  He slid his arms under you when your back arched, he held you tight and close and drank in every one of your moans through that kiss.

For how many times he’d pictured fucking you, he never really imagined it like this… and he thought he’d imagined it every way before.  But he realized that he’d mostly imagined it a bit kinker— you riding him, or him fucking you while you were bent over the table in his room, or 69’ing or something.  This was passionate, and sorta slow; this was his hips grinding on yours with every thrust so he could keep rubbing your sore clit; this was making love, he realized— if it wasn’t, he couldn’t imagine what was.

“I— fuck, baby— think I’m gonna come again,” you warned him with the most beautiful whiny sob.

“Fuck, already?” he smiled, and you nodded feverishly.  

“Just… don’t stop, please, just like that— fuuuuck!” you choked, and he gasped every time your walls clenched down on him.

“You’re so fucking perfect, fuck,” he grunted, moving a bit faster and not letting up on the pressure from his pubic bone on your clit, even when you actually screamed under him.  “You’re so amazing, oh god, I—”

He heard it before he said it: I think I love you.  He stopped himself before blurting it out— maybe he’d tell you after, but he wasn’t so far gone to forget that this wasn’t the right time.  You’d think he didn’t really mean it, that it was just the delirium talking from how incredible you felt, but he knew it was so much more than that.

He shut himself up by kissing your neck— not too hard, but plenty to leave a mark, and make you squirm in the process.  Your hands wrapped around his back and your nails dug into his skin, but he couldn’t even feel the pain of it, he couldn’t feel anything but the sticky, resplendent heat of your body.

“So much fucking better than the goddamn dildos,” you said suddenly, and he laughed against your skin.  

“Do you miss all those people watching you come?” he wondered.

“No, fuck no,” you panted, “there’s nobody else but you.”

He couldn’t help but fuck you faster when you said that— you should’ve known better than to stroke his ego that way.

“Fuck!” you sobbed.  “Hector, baby, you’re so— oh god, I don’t know if I can take it—”

“Shh, you can,” he promised, “you can do anything, you can come for me again—”

“Oh fuck, I— I might,” you admitted shakily, “but then I’ll— I’ll fucking pass out or something.”

“No, you’ll be okay,” he promised, cooing at you softly.  “You’ll be so good for me, I know you will— just come for me one more time, baby, tell me what you need to come again.”

“I… just a little time is all I need,” you answered, voice breaking.  “I swear I’ve never— I’m not usually so— fuck, it’s just you—”

“I know,” he assured, loving the way you babbled praises but worried it would distract you from coming again; and if you didn’t soon, there wouldn’t be time before he lost it.  He was already barely able to keep his composure just from how beautiful you looked like this, let alone how you felt.  “I know, just let it happen, I know it’s right there for me— just come for me, beautiful—”

You dragged him down into a sloppy kiss, and he felt it— those incredible pulses inside you, waves of slick coating him until he felt sticky all the way down his thighs; your sobs were more precious than anything he’d ever heard.

“Fuck, that’s good,” he praised, fucking you even faster now as your head fell back limply.  “I can’t h-hold back anymore, I need to—”

“I know,” you said to him this time, “it’s okay, please— want you to…”

“You still— oh my god…” he choked, losing his train of thought for a moment.  “You still want me to come inside you?  Wanna be full?”

“Yes,” you whined, “yes, baby, please— wanna be so full of your come, I want everything—”

"Fuck, okay," he agreed, gasping as he tried to keep up his pace despite the growing pressure inside.  "I'm really fucking close…”

“I’m yours,” you told him again— and then he went from ‘really fucking close’ to ‘already fucking there’.  He came inside you with a long, whimpered groan; his head dropped onto your shoulder while each pump filled you, trying to catch his breath but feeling like he’d never find it again.

Admitting he loved you during sex wasn’t a good idea, but saying it immediately after wasn’t that much of an improvement.  Now, though, he was too exhausted to keep his mouth shut.  “I think I love you,” he blurted out suddenly.

For one incredibly long second, you didn’t react at all.  You looked up at him, and he hesitated to even look back because he didn’t want to see anything less than ecstasy on your face.  “Oh,” you said, “cool.”

He wasn’t sure what reaction he anticipated, good or bad, but it wasn’t that.

“Let me know when you know,” you suggested.

“No!  No— I know,” he insisted, reaching up to hold your face, “I know.  I love you.  I think I did even before you came here, but… it just seemed so crazy.  We don’t know each other as well as we should for that, right?  But I feel it— I feel something that I just can’t explain—”

“Hey, slow down,” you laughed, “I feel it too.”

The way you smiled at him, resting your hand on his chest— was he glowing?  He felt like he was actually glowing.  “Good,” he decided.

“Let’s get to know each other better, then,” you announced.  “Start from the beginning, the whole thing: parents, siblings, school, favorite movies, worst dates, hot dogs or hamburgers—”

“No, you start,” he pouted, “you’re more interesting.”

“Me?  Please, I’m just your average camgirl titty streamer, don’t worry about it,” you scoffed.

“And I’m just some lame old Oscar winner,” he shrugged.

But both of you talked— all night, actually.  You never fell asleep, he was never even that tired— you kept him so full of energy he didn’t even notice how long it had been until the sun started to come up.  And then you kept talking at breakfast.  And then you fucked again, and talked some more after; he knew it had to end, eventually, but he didn’t even want to think about it.  He didn’t want to think about you going home and letting something so perfect end.

He told you just as much on the last night— assuming you didn’t switch your flight home to a later day again.  You’d just been laying in his arms after another bout of passionately desperate fucking, both of you half-asleep but not wanting the separation of even just unconsciousness, and he blurted it out.

“Don’t leave,” he pleaded under his breath.  “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know you don’t,” you returned softly.  

“I don’t want this to end.”

You were quiet for a while, turning over on your side to face him, tracing your fingers over his chest gently.  “It doesn’t have to end, just because I leave,” you mumbled.  “I know it’s crazy, but we can be together, even if we’re not… together.  I mean, I’m certainly not gonna be with anybody else—”

“Me either,” he said quickly, before he could change his own mind with the doubts— the voice in his head that said he could never settle down because he’s too fucked up.  “I only want you.”

“It’ll suck, being far away from each other— but you’ll be back Stateside eventually, right?” you assumed.

“God, I hope so,” he sighed, “if the world doesn’t end.”

“If it does,” you whispered, moving in closer, “I hope it’s tonight.  I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else but here.”

It was a romantic thought, but as he kissed you, he realized he’d never wanted the world to end less than he did right now.  He never longed for an apocalypse or anything, even on nights that his doubts and anxieties made him yearn for oblivion just for himself, but just now he could’ve cried thinking about everything falling apart tonight.  Whether it be by fiery explosion or a quiet, instant disappearance, he couldn’t let armageddon happen now— now that he had you.  For the first time, he saw himself having a future, in a way he never had before.  Existing as a ‘celebrity’ meant being on the edge of irrelevance at any moment, knowing this could all go away overnight and you’d just be ‘that guy who was in that thing that one time’.  

But this time, he stood on a precipice of something wonderful, of something natural, and it was the most beautifully terrifying unknown.  It was tomorrow.  Tomorrow, you’d get on the plane; tomorrow, you’d leave, because the world wasn’t going to end tonight.  But his life was going to start tonight, and he didn’t have to face it alone anymore.

[grapejuicestyless]

I Just Want To Be Loved.

Harry Styles x Fem!Reader

Summery: It’s been the long haul for you and Harry. You spent everyday together for years. Recently, all you’ve been doing is spending your time apart. Is it so much to ask for him to come home?

Love on tour was there full definition of love. The atmosphere was filled with warmth and a kindness that seemed unique purely for the shows within it. Friendships blossomed in every section and fans showed their appreciation with projects projecting rainbows and meaningful messages to prove it. It was everything you’d think love could be.

So it made sense as to why Harry kept adding more shows, prolonging the inevitable end of the years he’d spent away from home. He, just as much as anyone else, loved to be loved. I couldn’t blame him. If I was him, I would’ve done the same.

Yet still, even though the tour was pure fluff and happiness, it drew a bubbling sadness from deep within every time he frolicked onto that stage. A sparkly, blinding reminder that once again, he was out making a name and I was at home, holding onto the ounces of love he shared over the phone each night.

The excitement coursing through me when he announced the final shows was extreme. Though I pretended to be bummed for the sad ending, and the tough parting from the band and the fans, I couldn’t be more happy to get my Harry back.

I longed for those peaceful moments in the mornings, my hands tracing his nose and his fingers playing with my hair until our touches became lazy and we dozed back off into a light slumber. I missed those loving times that were stolen from me with every new date added.

It felt selfish, to want to take such a core memory from the fans, people who Harry adored like his friends. People I’d grown to love throughout the years of our friendship and eventually our relationship. I’d had Harry at my fingertips for years, they only had him for a night. Yet it was so hard to share him.

Thinking deeply, I fought with my inner thoughts about the delicate line that was selfish and justified until my phone buzzed in a heartbeat pattern on the kitchen counter.

Turning it over, I watched Harry’s name pop up, hearts decorated around his name, “H,” as I had set it as on my phone.

I leaned forward, forearms resting against the cold countertops and the ripped collar of Harry’s shirt twisted between my fingers while I waited happily for the image of Harry to load up on my screen.

“Hi, Baby!” He called excitedly in all his post show sweaty glory. He had curls stuck to his forehead and his cheeks were shiny and sparkling under the yellow lighting of his hotel room.

“Hi, H. How was your show?” I laughed at his exasperation. He made it obvious that he had rushed into his room to call me, the heavy breathing he tried to muffle and the quickness of his chest giving him away.

“Amazing, baby. It’s just so crazy that it’s real, you know? They all came for me and my band! It’s always so surreal seeing sold out stadiums with people who came for my music.” He rambled, the same speech every single time. How he felt so lucky that something so grand could have happened to someone so average like him, even if he was far from average in my eyes.

Still, my cheeks hurt from smiling. Seeing him happy was the greatest happiness of all, to me.

“You know you deserve it. Worked so hard these past few years and now you get to celebrate it with the people who love you. I’m so proud of you.” Our eyes met, a comfortable silence forming while our smiles turned into shy giggles and eyes averting from each other like school children in love.

“I love playing for these people. I cant believe how lucky I am to be with them almost everyday of the week.” I nodded, not feeling the need to respond.

“So, that’s why my team and I were thinking…” He led me into it with false hope. Hope that he was going to say something about coming home to throw a party where I could remain attached to his hip and love on him as he did to me.

“We’re going to add a few more shows before we finish off the tour.” I nodded, still smiling.

“Like in between? Don’t you think that will be too many shows in a week?” I asked, blinded by my excitement to see him. Silence fell over the phone call, this one heavier and more tense.

“Well, not exactly.” He tried to start explaining. The smile hurting my cheeks slowly faded into a confused gaze, proudness and glee turning into hurt and a heart breaking realization.

“We were thinking of adding a few more shows in Asia and Italy around September time. Maybe even have another Harryween in the states!” He explained, looking at the ceiling. His hands eventuated his explanation dramatically, like always.

All I could do was stay silent, heart pounding into my ears and a lump in my throat expanding into a dull ache that only seemed to rise.

“Y/n, isn’t that great?” My face was frozen, eyes widened and looking straight into the blurry green ones on the glitchy FaceTime call.

“Y/n?” He called again, his voice sounding more concerned.

Maybe it was my lack of response, or the tears welling in my eyes. Maybe it was that he thought I was frozen and couldn’t hear him, or maybe all three. But I was stuck. Stuck between wanting to support all of his decisions, trying to do what was best for him and wanting to just be selfish for just a moment.

I wanted to scream at him not to add anymore shows. I wanted to yell at him for making me wait for him for so long. I wanted to be overly emotional until I turned into putty in my own hands. Yet, even in my own conflict, I couldn’t find it in me to say no to him.

“Yeah, that…that sounds great, Harry. Really, I’m excited for you.” He nodded, not fully convinced.

“O…okay. Y/n, are you okay, you look a little pale. Have I said something?” What haven’t you said? You’ve just told me your leaving me yet again.

Stay? Just stay? Please, I want to be loved. I just want to be loved. I want to be loved by you and only you. I want you to forget about everything and just let it be us again.

“No, no. I’m just getting tired. It’s getting late over here. I’d better get to bed. Goodnight, H.” My tone was monotone, lacking any emotional depth behind it. It was obvious everything I said was a lie, but he let himself accept it halfway.

“Okay, sleep well. Call me when you wake up, okay? I love you. Goodnight, baby.” I hung up the phone, throwing it as soon as it beeped to a silence. The rage I felt was ungodly. It was pent up, having been stuffed down like a gross mass of phlegm bubbling up, waiting to be spat out.

Suddenly, the lump in my throat expanded to a broken cry, a painful rip rippling down my body. An ache that had been dull for the past few months coming full surge at me in one painful swoop.

I just wanted to be loved, was that too much to ask for?

———————————————————————-

Part 2 will be coming 🫶

[bellaxgiornata]

All These Years [Part 19: "Coffee, Brunch, and Hotel Rooms"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

[You can find the full series summary and masterlist of installments for All These Years here.]

Warnings/tags: 18+ for this series; contains emotional hurt with no comfort until the final installments, angst, pining, friends to lovers, slowburn, and eventually smut [Comfort now exists in this series!!]

Word Count: 6.1k

a/n: Another not angsty installment for this series! And there's some sexual tension in this one! Feedback is always appreciated!

The warm vanilla latte at your usual coffee shop in Hell’s Kitchen tasted twice as delicious this morning as you remembered it being. Whether it was because you hadn’t had this roastery’s espresso in nearly a year, or because it was freezing outside in New York City and the hot liquid was quickly warming you up, or because it was just the way Matt was sitting beside you with a bright smile on his face, you weren’t entirely certain. But you were most definitely enjoying the cup of coffee that Matt had insisted he buy you. 

You couldn’t have pictured a better start to your first full day back in Hell’s Kitchen, either. You’d managed to sleep in this morning for once, cozily buried under all the hotel blankets. Shortly after waking up, you’d hurried to get ready only to be pleasantly surprised when Matt had called you. He’d told you that he was waiting for you down in the hotel lobby because he wanted to walk with you to the coffee shop. After hanging up the call, you almost screamed in sheer joy because this was really happening–Matt Murdock was actually taking you on a first date–but you had refrained. You were certain he’d have somehow overheard you in the lobby if you did and that would’ve been mildly embarrassing. 

Once you’d finally made it down to the lobby, your stomach had been full of excited and anticipatory nerves. The moment you exited the elevator, your eyes scanned the large, ornately decorated hotel lobby for Matt, trying to find him among the people milling about. When you spotted him relaxed on an armchair, his cane folded in his lap and his covered gaze already fixed on you, you came to a sudden stop. As if in slow motion you had watched a charming smile spread wide across his beautiful mouth, the sight nearly taking your breath away. Because this was your first date with him .

Those nerves were still fluttering in your stomach now, even after Matt and you had walked hand in hand to the coffee shop through the snowy sidewalks of Hell’s Kitchen. The ridiculous jokes you’d both exchanged back and forth while waiting to order your coffees had somewhat managed to ease those anxious butterflies in your stomach, but now that the pair of you were seated at a small table in the back of the coffee shop, they were hard to ignore. The entire situation felt so intimate and surreal with just the two of you sitting so close together and being so openly aware of your feelings for each other. And it definitely didn’t help that you couldn’t stop staring at his lips every time he spoke, remembering just how tenderly and passionately they had kissed you last night. You’d fallen asleep thinking about that kiss.

You were still thinking about that kiss. 

“You’re nervous,” Matt pointed out, breaking the brief silence that had fallen shortly after the pair of you had sat down.

“Yeah, well,” you began, lowering your coffee mug back to the table, “I never thought that you’d, you know, want to date me.”

Matt pulled a face, his head cocking to the side. “I still don’t understand how you ever thought that,” he mused.

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “Pretty sure we’ve beaten that topic like a dead horse over the past few months, Matt,” you pointed out. “You know how I thought that.”

“Okay,” Matt agreed with a chuckle, “you’re right. We certainly have discussed in depth how entirely oblivious we were all this time.”

“And it’s rather depressing,” you mumbled, eyes dropping down to your mug.

“Well,” he said, easily draping his arm across your shoulders, “we’re making up for it now.”

You flushed as you felt his fingers begin to absently dance across your shoulder, just over the fabric of your sweater. Out of the corner of your eye you saw a grin spread across Matt’s lips, the movement only giving you yet another reason to look over and stare at them again. Would you have another chance to kiss him this morning? Because you really hoped so.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Matt told you, his words catching you off guard. “I’ve always thought so, but I never thought you'd want to hear that from me.”

Gaze timidly dropping back down to the table, you ducked your head, overcome with a sudden shyness at his compliment. You could feel the way your pulse was unsteadily jumping in your throat, your cheeks flaming. This moment didn’t feel real to you. You’d seen Matt flirt and sleep with countless other women–many of which you’d classify as model-like–and here he was calling you beautiful with every ounce of sincerity in his tone. It almost felt like too much.

Matt’s hand slid its way across your back, the movement causing your eyelids to flutter closed briefly–you wished he would touch you some more. Preferably somewhere where you both weren't in public. But then you felt his fingers gently grasp your chin, gingerly turning your face back towards his. Gradually your eyes slid up to meet the red lenses of his glasses.

“I have always wanted you,” Matt stated, a serious expression on his face as he spoke. “We’ve known each other for years and I have–have wanted this day for so long. And with you going back to LA in a few days, I don’t want to waste a single moment of the time I’ve got with you here. So please don't be nervous with me, sweetheart," he almost pleaded. “You don’t need to be.”

"Sort of hard not to be," you whispered, your fingers toying with the handle of your mug.

“You’ve gotten drunk around me how many times?” Matt pointed out, his brows darting up onto his forehead as a faint smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’ve had you spit out orange juice on me–”

“That was because Foggy did an incredible impression of you rolling out of bed grumpy that morning,” you defended quickly, cutting him off. “And I hadn’t been expecting it. And it was a spot on impression of you.”

“Debatable,” Matt said dismissively. “But the point stands. You’ve spent how many years around me being yourself now? Relax.” Matt’s hand released your chin only to slip under the table and reassuringly squeezing your upper thigh. “It’s just me.”

You quickly became very aware of each of his digits pressing into your skin through the denim of your jeans. It was hard to focus on anything else but the weight of his hand resting on your thigh and how badly you wished it would inch just a bit higher. Breath coming in sharper, you tried to control your thoughts. After all, the pair of you were still sitting in a coffee shop. And it was only the first date.

“That’s sort of uh,” you paused, clearing your throat when you felt Matt’s hand abruptly tighten around your thigh, “sort of the reason. Because it’s you, Matt.”

Matt shifted in his chair, turning towards you and leaning in closer. In that moment, you completely forgot about everyone else in the coffee shop. It was just you and Matt. He reached his other hand up, pulling the glasses from his face and setting them down onto the table beside your coffees. Without them obstructing the view of his face, you saw that his hazel eyes looked more vibrant with the morning sun reflecting off the snow outside and hitting him just right through the window. You would absolutely never get over how attractive he was; it had always been almost painful to you all those years you’d yearned for him.

“You were the one who was always out of reach,” you confessed, the words just slipping out of your mouth before you could stop them. “The one I always saw with everyone else. The one I…never felt good enough for.”

Matt leaned in further, his dark brows pinching together on his forehead as if your words had physically pained him to hear. He shook his head lightly, his face hovering half a foot away from yours.

“You’ve always been far too good for me,” he murmured. “Far too good.”

Pulling a face, you shook your head at his words. “Matt, don’t. That’s not true.”

He didn’t respond and another silence fell over the pair of you, Matt’s face still hovering half a foot away from yours. Inevitably your eyes dropped down towards his lips. They looked so full and soft. You bet anything that his mouth tasted exactly like the roast he was drinking. That thought had your jaw clenching as you refrained from closing the distance between the pair of you. Matt’s hand slid just a fraction higher up your thigh and your eyelids partially dropped closed. For a moment you forgot how to breathe. 

“What if I asked you to kiss me?” he whispered. 

Trying to control your racing heart, your eyes rose back up to meet his. He was staring at you with that same intensity he’d had last night when he’d walked you home and kissed you. Your tongue slipped out, nervously wetting your lips as your stomach anxiously twisted at the prospect of you kissing him . Matt’s eyes only dropped further down from your cheek, his eyes very focused on your mouth as his own twitched at the corners.

“Right now?” you breathed out. “Here?”

“Yes,” he replied.

He leaned in just a bit closer as you internally fought with yourself. You desperately wanted to kiss him, but even though he’d just asked you to, you somehow feared he’d reject you. But when he leant in just a bit more, the tip of his nose brushing against yours, your right hand automatically reached up and landed on his stubbled cheek. The moment you’d touched him, Matt’s eyes closed and he expelled the softest sigh that you’d almost missed. Encouraged by his reaction, you’d gathered whatever courage you had and closed your eyes before closing the remaining distance between the both of you.

He tasted exactly like the rich roast he was drinking. And as Matt’s mouth moved confidently back against yours, your fear of rejection quickly disappeared. Craving more of him, your fingers gripped his cheek as you drew his mouth in more firmly to yours. Matt obliged easily, his hand sliding to the outside of your thigh before it traveled its way up to your waist as he kissed you. 

You were so intent on kissing him that you’d nearly forgotten to breathe. Which was probably why you were taken by surprise when he broke away from you, sitting back in his seat as your eyes blinked back open. Trying to catch your breath, the sound of Matt’s breathy chuckle had you fast remembering that you were in a public place. Again .

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting you to do that,” he told you, a boyish grin on his face.

Still trying to recover from that kiss, resting a hand against your flushed cheek, you let out a nervous laugh. “Probably about as long as I have,” you replied.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Matt began, that grin only growing on his face. “I have wanted you to kiss me long before I even knew your name.”

Another nervous laugh slipped out of your mouth as you reached over, grabbing your coffee. “Well, maybe next time we can do that in a less public place for once,” you said.

“Oh? Is that right?” Matt nearly purred.

Realizing the implication of what you’d just said, your eyes grew wide and you stiffened in your seat. “That’s–that’s not what I meant,” you told him, hand tightening awkwardly around the handle of your coffee mug.

“So you don’t want that?” he asked coyly.

“I–well–I mean I’ve–” you stammered, struggling to find an answer as Matt’s lips curled up in amusement. “I mean I’ve obviously thought about that, but not in the middle of a coffee shop!” you blurted.

Matt barked out a warm laugh, a broad smile breaking across his face that drew the single dimple out in his cheek. His eyes were shining brightly back at you, the corners of them creased.

“Obviously,” Matt teased. “I think that’s a little too far even for me.”

Running a hand across your forehead, you let out a frustrated sigh. “This has got to be your worst first date,” you muttered under your breath.

“Actually,” he immediately countered, “it’s been my favorite.”

Glancing up at him beneath your lashes, you saw the genuine smile on his face. That smile alone melted all your nerves. Because he was right, he was the same Matt you’d spent years being yourself with. The one you were hopelessly in love with. And he wanted this just as much as you did.

“How’s your second semester starting off?” you asked Karen.

You speared a piece of your french toast, bringing the fork to your mouth for a bite. Karen shrugged her shoulders from across the table as she worked on cutting up her stack of pancakes.

“About as crazy and stressful as the last one started out,” she told you. “Which is to be expected in law school, I suppose. But I’m grateful that Foggy and Matt were able to pull some strings and get me into Columbia, so I try not to complain.”

“Hopefully you can keep up with the coursework while still working at their office,” you replied. “That’s got to be a lot all at once.”

Karen brought a forkful of food to her lips as she shrugged again. “It is, but it’ll be worth it in the end,” she said. “But what about you?” she asked, gesturing her fork at you. “I notice you’ve been strategically avoiding the topic of your morning with Matt. How’d that coffee date go?”

You couldn’t fight the smile that instantly made its way onto your lips at the mention of this morning. The coffee date had gone well, especially once you’d stopped being so shy around Matt. You’d certainly enjoyed yourself, the pair of you chatting and joking. Considering you’d both been speaking daily for weeks now, there wasn’t much to catch back up on. But you’d most certainly enjoyed the goodbye kiss he’d given you outside your hotel lobby earlier. It was the most chaste kiss the two of you had shared so far, but it still left you giddy just thinking about it.

“Good,” you answered her, spearing another piece of french toast. “Really good, actually.”

“Oh?” Karen asked, curiosity alighting in her eyes as she set her own fork down. “Does really good mean you two have actually kissed?”

Bottom lip slipping between your teeth, you nodded slowly in response. Karen’s eyes grew wide as she gasped. Seconds later you were laughing as she began to bounce excitedly in her chair.

“Why did you wait until just now to tell me that?” she asked. “Tell me everything! I’m dying to know!”

“Well,” you began, lowering your own fork back to your plate, “he actually kissed me last night. When he walked me back to the hotel.”

Karen leaned forward in her chair, listening with rapt attention. You felt a heat creep up your neck as you recalled that moment, your eyes drifting down towards your partially eaten breakfast.

“It was…honestly better than I could have ever imagined it would be,” you admitted. “I had thought about it often over the years, you know? Wondering what it would be like to actually kiss him, and it was far better than I ever thought it could be.” Your eyes met Karen’s again, your stomach fluttering just at the memory. “It was a butterflies in your stomach, leaving you breathless and dizzy sort of a first kiss. I’ve…never felt that with anyone else before.”

Karen’s smile only widened further on her face. “So have you kissed since last night?” she pressed.

“Twice today,” you told her. “And I’ll be honest, the sexual tension is definitely there.”

Karen giggled, rolling her eyes as she sat back in her chair. “I can only imagine. You saw him everyday for years and couldn’t ever touch him like that,” she said. “I’m sure you’re both dying for more.”

“Yeah, I uh, I don’t think it’s just me,” you replied nervously.

“So, are you going to sleep with him while you’re here then?” she asked.

Your eyes went wide at her blunt question. It had taken you off guard. Because honestly, you hadn’t really thought about that when you’d left to come here. Things were still confusing with you living in LA and Matt living in Hell’s Kitchen. You figured if you slept with Matt, that would most likely only make it harder for you to leave on Monday morning. Not to mention, you didn’t exactly know what you two technically were just yet, either. It was something you planned to discuss with him Sunday night at dinner with him. 

“I don’t know,” you confessed. “I guess I never really thought that far ahead. I knew he wanted to take me on some dates while I was here but I–I guess I didn’t expect things to go so well. And I’m admittedly afraid of getting too serious too quickly when I have to leave in a couple of days. Sleeping with him might just…complicate things further?”

“True,” Karen mused, nodding slightly. “But not sleeping with him when you have the chance might be something you regret. It might be a while before you get the opportunity again.”

“He did say he was coming out to visit me in March,” you reminded her.

Karen tilted her head to the side, shooting you a pointed look as she raised one of her blonde brows. 

“You mean to tell me that you’re not going to be wishing you’d slept with him now while you’re waiting for the chance over the next couple of months?” she asked flatly. “Because I don’t buy that.”

“Okay, yeah, I probably will,” you relented. “But it might be worse if I sleep with him now and then don’t see him again for a couple of months. Especially since we’re still, you know, figuring this all out.”

Karen picked her fork back up, stabbing a piece of pancake and bringing it to her lips. The fork paused just before her mouth, her eyes narrowing curiously at you. You raised a questioning brow back at her.

“Have you thought about moving back?” she asked.

She popped the piece of pancake into her mouth, chewing it as she watched you release a deep sigh. Settling back into your chair, your gaze dropped over to the window on your right. Snow was coming down a little heavier now, the white flakes actually beginning to stick outside.

“I’ve considered it,” you admitted. “But there’s not exactly an opening for me back in Hell’s Kitchen at my company. Not at the moment at least.”

“But you’re open to moving back?” Karen questioned.

“If things with Matt continue to progress,” you answered her slowly, your gaze gradually rising up to meet hers, “yeah. I’ve been considering coming back.”

A massive smile drew itself across Karen’s face as she nearly threw her fork onto the table. “Holy shit!” she exclaimed. “That’s amazing news!”

You instantly held up a hand, waving it at her and cutting off her excitement. You watched as her smile quickly fell.

“But do not mention this to Matt or Foggy,” you warned her. “Me being open to moving back doesn’t mean things will work out to where I actually can sometime soon. And I don’t want to give either of them false hope, Kare. I don’t know what will happen.”

Karen’s smile quickly returned to her mouth as she straightened in her seat. Picking her fork back up, she said, “I have a feeling things will find a way to work themselves out. Just like they did with you and Matt.”

You laughed lightly, glancing down at your plate. “Yeah, and that only took seven years,” you muttered.

Washing your face with a washcloth, you lathered your skin and scrubbed the day from off of your face. It was getting late and you were exhausted, but the little nighttime ritual you had before bed felt relaxing after the eventful day you’d had.

Matt had once again asked to walk you back to your hotel after your evening at Josie’s a little over an hour ago. Earlier you’d met up with him, Karen, Foggy, and Marci and enjoyed your night out. Especially when Foggy had wrangled you into a game of pool with him and Karen versus you and Matt. Outside of the obvious competition during the game, there had definitely been a lot of little secret flirtatious touches between you and Matt as the night wore on, though you were very aware of the fact that only you had been getting a slight buzz from drinking. Matt had told you he planned to stay sober because of what he was doing afterwards–heading out as Daredevil.

Knowing that’s what he was going out to do after he’d walked you home had weighed heavy on your mind as you’d been up in your room. You’d certainly been worrying about him the moment he’d parted ways with you in front of the hotel and said goodnight. And even though you’d known about him being Daredevil for a while now and you knew that’s how he spent most of his evenings, you still couldn’t help but worry about him. Though some nights he had called you when he’d gotten back from his nights out as Daredevil because you were three hours behind in LA. He’d quickly learned those calls helped to ease your mind about him.

Turning on the bathroom sink’s faucet and running the water, you cupped some of it in your hands before splashing it onto your face and rinsing off the soap a few times. Afterwards, you dried your face on one of the soft hotel towels, feeling even more worn out and ready for bed. Setting the towel onto the bathroom counter, you turned and trudged your way out of the bathroom and over towards your unkempt bed. 

But you almost screamed when you saw someone standing on your balcony.

“It’s just me,” Daredevil’s muffled voice came through the glass of the sliding door not even a second later. He gestured a hand at the door. “Can you let me in?”

Heart still hammering away in your chest from the scare, suddenly feeling very awake now, you made your way over to the balcony door. Matt hadn’t told you he planned to stop by tonight–certainly not like this–and you briefly hoped no one outside had noticed him. That was the last thing you needed–someone spotting Daredevil on your hotel balcony.

Unlocking the door, you slid it open and stepped to the side to give Matt plenty of space. He easily slipped through the opening, closing the door after himself before he reached a hand out, drawing the curtains entirely closed over the glass. That somehow made you feel even more alone with Matt, your heart continuing to unsteadily pound at a rapid pace.

Taking a step back from him, you couldn’t resist taking in the sight of Matt in his tight red suit. You’d never actually seen him as Daredevil before; the time Elektra had dropped him off beaten and bloody at your previous apartment all that time ago he’d been wearing the black suit. If you were being honest, you’d quite enjoyed seeing him in that black suit, too. It had certainly not left much to the imagination. But this suit, while not as form-fitting, was certainly drawing your eye to the various muscled planes of his body. He was so incredibly solid .

Matt’s hands rose up, the gesture breaking your ogling of his muscles as he slipped the helmet off of his head with one hand, running his other through his messy hair. He was grinning back at you, though the look was more devilish than anything with his face now unobstructed by the helmet. There was an obvious glint of mischief in his eyes as they focused near your face.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” you told him.

Matt shrugged as he continued to run a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. “Figured I’d make the most of your time here in Hell’s Kitchen,” he said, taking a few steps into the room and setting his helmet on the end of your bed. “I can go if you’d prefer, though?”

He straightened up, shooting you an inquisitive look. One of his dark brows had risen up onto his forehead as his head tilted to the side. His eyes dropped down towards your chest and you awkwardly crossed your arms over it, aware he was listening to your heart.

“No,” you replied quickly, shaking your head. “I mean, it’s fine. I’m not complaining. You just startled me. Especially showing up like, well, that .”

You waved a hand at his Daredevil suit before crossing it back over your chest. Gradually Matt began pulling the gloves off each of his hands, the movement slow and purposeful. His head was still tilted to the side, a cocky grin on his lips now.

“Yeah, I noticed I startled you. I’m sorry about that,” he apologized, a smugness to his tone. “I wasn’t trying to. It just wasn’t a busy night for once so I thought I’d stop by. But,” he continued, that grin on his mouth only growing as his eyes lingered along your chest, “I noticed that wasn’t all you felt at the sight of me.”

Brows drawing together, you hugged your arms tighter across your chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked.

Matt dropped his gloves onto the bed beside his helmet, your eyes following their movements. God were his hands ever a distraction to you, especially all those times you had watched him work on homework in the past, his fingers so carefully running across the braille. You’d often thought about those hands touching you late at night while you were in your dorm room. 

Matt’s grin remained on his lips as he pointed a finger at your chest. “Your heart rate is still elevated and I’ve been here for a couple of minutes now, sweetheart. If that was due to the adrenaline from the shock of seeing me on your balcony then it would have slowed by now. But it hasn’t.” His hand raised a bit, pointing up at your face. “And you’re flushing yet again–I can feel the temperature increase from here. Which tells me I’m not wrong because you're nervous.”

“Okay, and?” you asked, stomach twisting into anxious knots.

Matt’s hand lowered back to his side as he studied you for a moment. His eyes were narrowed just a bit, his gaze back on your chest. Lips parting just slightly, his tongue slid out and wet them, your eyes drawn to the movement. For a brief moment he bit down on that bottom lip and you felt a sudden urge to bite it yourself, your hands curling into fists as you tried to push the thought away.

Matt began to cross the room towards you without a word, slowly stalking his way over towards you. His gait was almost predatory as he moved–the smirk now on his lips only adding to that. Whether it was the suit on him or the muscle behind it, there was a dangerous edge to him that wasn’t usually present when you were around Matt normally. It simultaneously excited you and made you nervous right now–and you knew he could tell. 

When he eventually came to a stop just before you, you could feel the cold emanating from his suit and it rose the hairs along your forearms. You figured he must have been outside for some time, scouring rooftops in the snow looking for criminals. 

 Why did the thought of that turn you on so much?

“And,” he said softly, his ungloved hand rising to cradle the side of your face, “I happen to remember someone mentioning wanting to resume things in a more private setting.” 

Your breath caught in your throat as Matt's hand tilted your face up more towards his, the implication in his words hanging heavy in the air. Unwrapping your arms from around yourself, both of your hands landed on Matt’s armored chest. The strange material felt hard and frigid beneath them, a chill running over you as you gazed up at Matt’s face. You absolutely wanted to take advantage of him being here alone in your hotel room. So far you’d only had opportunities to see him in public since you’d been back. Seeing him as Daredevil now certainly had you wanting to know what it would be like to kiss Matt without an audience for once. Without the need to hold back because you weren’t alone. Though, as you’d told Karen earlier, you weren’t ready to have sex with Matt. Not with the undefined situation between you both.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t want him kissing you until your mind went blank, feeling his hands finally roaming all over your body.

“Is that still something you want?” Matt murmured.

The pad of his thumb slid down towards your lips, brushing its way incredibly slowly across them. Your lips parted as a soft gasp fell out between them, your knees quivering as you felt faint just from the way he was touching you. Matt’s other hand was soon at your waist, gripping you firmly as he held you upright and kept you steady. 

“I don’t think we should–should take things too far just yet,” you breathed out, struggling to form the words with him touching you like he was. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t–”

Matt’s head cocked to the side, his eyes intensely focused on your mouth as you spoke. But you couldn’t quite find the courage to finish your train of thought. You wanted to tell him that it didn’t mean the pair of you couldn’t do almost anything else tonight. You wanted him to keep touching you. Wanted his mouth back on yours. You had wanted that for so damn long that you just wanted to kiss him and never stop kissing him now that you actually could .

“So I can kiss you?” Matt asked.

“Mhmm,” you hummed out, nodding eagerly back at him. 

“What about–” Matt began softly, his hand making its way from your hip and towards your lower back, slipping underneath your loose shirt and pressing itself flat against your bare skin, “–touching you?”

Teeth clamping down on your bottom lip, you nodded vigorously in response. Your knees were definitely shaking now, goosebumps rising across the length of your arms. The warmth of his palm on your lower back felt impossibly good, your fingers beginning to curl against his suit, your nails digging in.

“So no sex?” Matt clarified.

You shook your head, hating yourself even as you did. “Not this time,” you whispered. “It’s just, this is all so new with us,” you explained, your brain struggling to keep a coherent thought as Matt’s warm palm slid higher up your back. “And I leave in a couple of days, and–”

“You don’t have to justify your reasons, sweetheart,” Matt gently cut you off. “I can wait for that. But if I’m being honest, I can’t wait any longer to kiss you.”

“Then don’t,” you blurted.

As if that was all the confirmation Matt needed, he dove forward and pressed his mouth to yours. Taken by surprise, you’d almost lost your footing as your eyes fell closed, but Matt’s hand on your back pulled you forward, crushing you into the front of himself. You could feel his blunt nails digging into your skin as his mouth connected to yours over and over, leaving you gasping for breath each time he did. Your own hands slid their way up towards his face, grabbing it in both of your palms and desperately trying to deepen the kiss further. Forgetting all about your previous nerves with your mind focused only on the feel of Matt, your teeth bit onto his bottom lip and tugged . Something like a snarl rumbled in Matt’s chest in response and a shiver rippled down your spine at the sound. 

Without warning, Matt’s hand snaked its way from your cheek to the back of your neck, his tongue finding its way into your mouth. His hand slid even higher up your back, his nails lightly dragging along your skin as he began to walk you backwards. 

Barely coherent with Matt's tongue sensually exploring your mouth with such determined focus, a startled gasp flew out of you when your back hit a wall. Matt only grunted in response, his hand abruptly gliding its way down your back, a shiver running through you at the scratch of his nails. A second later that large palm of his grabbed your ass firmly and then squeezed . You moaned into his mouth instantly, the sound causing Matt to break away from you with a hiss of pleasure shooting out through his teeth. Resting his forehead against yours, Matt bucked his hips forward into you. The noticeable bulge in his suit had you arching your back along the wall.

"Matt," you whimpered. 

Matt whined at the sound of his name, his labored breathing filling your ears as the sound mixed with your own loud pants in the room. He gripped your ass again and you couldn't resist the urge to grind forward into him, the action involuntary as a wet heat began to form between your thighs. 

"You have no idea how many times," Matt breathed out, still trying to catch his breath, "that I've tried to imagine what it would be like to hear you like this. To hear you say my name like that." 

He audibly swallowed hard and somehow that sound was quickly sobering. If the pair of you continued like this, you weren’t sure you'd be able to stop. Given another minute, you’d surely let him tear your clothes off and fuck you right here against the wall.

"We should–should probably–"

"Slow down," Matt agreed, huffing out a laugh. "I don't think I could control myself, sweetheart. Not with you. Not with how long I've wanted this." 

He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before he continued, his forehead still resting against yours. 

"And you've been drinking," he pointed out, "This isn't–isn’t how I wanted this to be with you. I want you to be sure of things."

Matt reluctantly took a step back from you, his hands returning to his sides as he placed an obvious distance between the pair of you. His chest was visibly heaving, his eyes fixed along your own chest again. You were still leaning against the wall, lightheaded and trying to catch your breath. You couldn’t help but notice just how good he looked with his face flushed and his lips swollen from kissing you.

"I want to do this right with you," Matt told you, a sheepish smile on his face. "Not just–just show up on the balcony outside your hotel room dressed like this,” he said waving a hand at his suit. “And if I'm being honest, I always had somewhere in mind to take you to dinner for a date, and I really want to do that first."

Your cheeks heated at his confession, your heart swelling in your chest. "You did?" you whispered. 

"Yeah," he said, his expression further softening. “I’d thought about it a lot over the years we were at Columbia. Pictured taking you there. Even after college,” he continued, “I’d thought about it then, too. Wondered if I would ever get the chance to take you on this date that I’d thought about for years. But yes,” Matt nodded, that sheepish smile on his face turning soft. “I think you’re right. We shouldn’t take this any farther just yet. I don’t want to rush anything with you.”

Running a hand through your hair, you blinked hard a few times as his words settled in your mind. “Do you uh,” you paused, clearing your throat. “Do you want to just stay here for a bit? Maybe tell me about your not so exciting night out instead?”

A warmth overtook Matt’s face, reaching his eyes as he nodded again. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

Tag list: @acharliecoxedfan @theetherealbloom @rotscinema @magnumstyles @roseallisonparker @ofmusesandsecrets @readerhead @paracosmic-murdock @v4leoftears @why-always-me-gosh-please @redbircl @keepingitlokiii @yarrystyleeza @mattkinsella @ms-murdockswift @margoo0 @1988-fiend @lockleywife @strangeobsessed @justalittlebitbored @am-3-thyst @buckybarnes-1917 @thora-jane @lionalsowrites @cloudroomblog @prince-tassel @danzer8705 @yourlocalbentspine @harperdoodle @hollandorks @mattmurdocksstarlight @yeonalie @will-delete-this-later-probably @darkened-writer @kmc1989 @yomamasitsaroundthehouse @sumo-b98 @mrs-bellingham

[manddor]

GUT WRENCHING ANGST with ajax please thank uu

anything you ask, darling! @bwitch3d asked for something similar, so i made just one! thanks for the request. this one is a little long, but i hope u guys like it <33

ajax petropolus x fem!reader — forbidden lovers; angst + fluff at the end

NO MATTER THE CONSEQUENCES

You remember exactly how your first year at Nevermore was. Traumatic. You were excited to make friends, since you felt extremely lonely at home. You were an only child and your parents never gave you enough attention. So you wanted to have friends that you could play with. Things that children normally want.

You met wolves, vampires, mermaids and gorgons - a species your parents despised. Although, you wanted to befriend each one of them.

Ajax Petropolus, a gorgon, gave you a huge smile and asked you to sit next to him in your first class. “Is this your first day here?” the boy's thin voice made you crack a smile.

“Yeah! How about you?” the boy nodded and you both spent the whole year together. Having fun, studying together. He became your first and best friend on Nevermore and you made a lot of other friends - but where you were, Ajax was and where Ajax was, you were.

When the holidays arrived, you were dying for your families to meet so you could spend the holidays together, but when your mothers saw each other, it was a disaster.

“You!” the two spoke at the same time. You and Aj looked at each other confused. They already knew each other and it seemed like it hadn't been a good interaction.

“What I said about gorgons, y/n! We despise them” your mother said and you felt the blood rush to your head.

“But mom-“ you tried to speak but Ajax's mom cut you off.

“You two are forbidden to talk-“

“Oh dear, let me give orders to my daughter, you should take care of this boy” your mother interrupted. How could they do this to you?

“Let’s go, Aj” the boy looked at you with no sparkle in his eyes. You could tell he was devastated. And you were too. You could feel your heart being shattered into a thousand pieces.

On vacation, obviously you weren't going to give up on Ajax’s friendship, so you sent him secret letters every day - since your mother had confiscated your cell phone. But he didn't answered.

You thought it might be his mom who wouldn't let him send letters, so when your classes started again, you tried to talk to him.

The boy was in the library, reading a book very concentrated. “We can't do this” he whispered without looking at you. He looked around, like he was embarrassed that someone would see you talking with him.

“Come on, Aj! You gotta be kidding” you nudged him, trying to make the boy laugh.

“I'm serious” he looked into your eyes in a way that broke your heart. It couldn't be true. “You need to get out of here, I'm busy.”

You stood there for a few moments and left. Not even noticing that a few tears were falling from your eye. Your first friend in Nevermore already hated you and haven’t done anything.

In class, Ajax talked to everyone normally, but he refused to look at your face. The rarely looks that he gave you were filled with sadness. He got close to Enid and Xavier - he spoke to them the way he spoke to you and it made your heart break even more.

Even though time passed, every vacation you had, you tried to find out what happened between your families, but you haven’t found anything.

“Mom, but forbidding me to talk to Ajax is surreal! Why so much hate between you and his family?” you insisted on every family dinner.

“Still not over it, y/n? Have you fallen in love with a gorgon?” your mother teased you.

“Of course not!” she smiled satisfied by your answer and it drove you crazy. “But what if I were, what would you do?” your mother gave you a death glare.

“Is this boy trying to make contact with you?”

“No, because you forbade us to talk!” you snapped.

“Honey, if he cared about your friendship, he would’ve gone after you...which didn’t happened.” the woman said like she was deathly sorry for you. If you could, you would leave your house and never come back again.

“You disgraced my life in Nevermore.” you leave the table.

“I think she needs a therapist” you heard your father whisper across the table.

But this year you swore it would be different. As much as you hated to admit it, your mother was right. If Ajax still wanted to be your friend he would at least smile at you. So the best thing you could do for your mental health was to give up trying to find a reason for your ‘breakup’ and enjoy the year in Nevermore.

And so you did, you met a funny girl - Wednesday Addams - she barely smiled, didn't even show much affection, but she shared her thoughts and theories about the monster that was in town with you.

“I think you're the only decent person after Enid in this school” she affirmed and you took it as the best compliment you had ever received in your life.

You also started seeing a boy. His name was Ryan - he was tall, brunette, dark skinned. He was handsome and fun. You were missing so bad to laugh with someone that it turned into something bigger.

“I think we should date, like boyfriend and girlfriend thing” Ryan whispered to you one day while you were studying in the library. Your hand sweated and your heart raced. You felt like you were more scared than excited.

You felt that the boy was strange today, his legs were always shaking. He seemed distant and you didn't want to disturb him. Thought it was a problem with his grades - but now you realized that it could be the nervousness of asking you to be his girlfriend.

“W-what?” you stuttered, not knowing if it was true or not. You thought you didn’t matched in that way, he was nothing like you. “Are you serious?” the boy just smiled but you felt like it wasn’t a honest gesture.

"Great, girlfriend! We're dating now" he yelled for the entire library to hear. Some applauded, others asked for silence and you still didn't know how to react. What just happened here?

The next day, the news had already spread throughout the school. Even Weems came to talk to you. “Congratulations on your relationship, y/n! But I don't want to see him go to your room at night!” she laughed. “I remember my teenage days like it was yesterday.” she threw a wink in your direction and walked away.

But you started to feel uncomfortable when you walked down the hall and everyone started whispering and looking at you. If there was one thing you hated, it was having attention towards you. Something Ryan loved.

“Are you alright?” Enid asked you as soon as you sat in your seat to start class.

“Apart from all those stares, I am” you flashed a smile at her and the girl put a hand on your arm.

“If you need anything I'm here, I ended up not posting this gossip on my blog, but that's because we're friends and I would hate to make you uncomfortable” she said making you confused.

“Thanks… I guess” you whispered the last sentence as soon as Tornhill entered the class

Your gaze met Ajax's who was staring at you as if you had just beaten him in a fencing duel, he was sad and nervous. This minimal interaction had been the only one in years. Your heart sped up and you hated the feeling.

At break, you spotted your boyfriend who was laughing with his friends. When they saw you, the boys moved away and Ryan looked a little nervous. He didn't even kissed you. Maybe it was because there were a lot of people around him still whispering about you.

“Everyone is talking about us!” you whispered to him.

“I know! And I'm so sorry, y/n! I swear it meant nothing to me.” he stammered.

“W-what?” you asked.

“Haven’t you heard?” he seemed relieved.

“Heard of what?” you murmured. Your attention turned to a murmur behind you.

“I can't believe Ryan hooked up with Barbara! I thought he and y/n were dating.”

“Not everything is as it seems, right?”

“He told me he asked Y/n to date just so she wouldn't feel so bad”

What the hell?

To be honest, you didn't feel sad that he had cheated on you, you felt embarrassed that everyone was gossiping about you the whole day and you didn’t even knew about that. You thought talking to Enid and getting the full story before you looked anyone in the face would be a great idea.

You couldn't even look at Ryan’s face again as he grabbed your arm trying to say something you weren’t able to hear. So you ran towards Enid's dorm.

You were so immersed in your own thoughts that you didn't even notice when you bumped into Ajax in the hallway, knocking over all five books the boy was holding in his hands. “I'm sorry” you murmured helping him pick it up. You thought he was going to fight you or ignore you like nothing happened - as he always did.

“You alright?” he asked still gathering some books.

“You know about it?” you asked and the boy answered you with a simple nod. You got mad at him for it. You'd rather he had just ignored you, because he didn't want to know about your life for all these years. Now that you had been 'chetead' he wanted to know how you were?

“Why do you care?” The boy swallowed hard and didn't give you any answers. You handed him the books and got back to what you really intended to do.

Enid told you that they had hooked up the day before Ryan asked you to be his girlfriend. Barbara - a girl you didn’t even know - was jealous and that's why she spread it to the whole school. “You really liked him?” the blonde asked you with a look of comfort. You knew you could trust her.

“To be honest, I don't think so. In fact, I didn't even say ‘yes’ when he asked me. I didn't disagree either... but I was in shock! I just didn't know what to do or what to say." you heard Wednesday snort and you and Enid looked over at the girl who seemed to be concentrated on her book.

“Ryan is the ugliest, dumbest person l've ever seen in my entire life!” you and Enid burst out laughing, Wednesday cracked a small smile.

“It's true, though, y/n, you deserve a person who wants to give you the world…” the blonde said holding your hands. “You and Ajax would be cute together” you felt your heart ache and tears gathered in your eye.

“Ajax and I are barely friends…” you knew that Enid was going to say something, but you chose to interrupt her. “| need to go up to my room, l'm a little tired and hungry! Thanks for everything girls, see you later.”

On the same night, when you got to your dorm, you thanked Bianca for being a girl who stayed in the library studying at midnight, so you would have free time to put your thoughts in order. As soon as you started to think about what happened in your day, all of your thoughts turned to books on the floor and a simple question. “You alright?”

You rolled over in bed trying to think about your boyfriend... ex boyfriend or whatever! And you were stressed for not being able to feel even an ounce of sadness for the cheating. In fact, you didn't even know if you could call it cheating, because it was supposed to be something sad and coming from someone you loved, but you didn't love Ryan.

So your thoughts - these were treacherous indeed - went back to every moment of your childhood that you spent next to Ajax. And how your separation hurt. That was a real feeling, someone you loved couldn’t be with you. And you hated him for not fighting for your friendship.

You hated him for every look he threw your way. Hated it when he didn't look. Hated that he talked with Enid the same way he did with you. You hated yourself for still having such strong feelings for him that you couldn't get over even after all these years.

The tears finally ran down your cheeks, and they became uncontrollable, you started sobbing. It was suffocating. You wanted to scream, you wanted to smack something, but all you did was lie in bed and try to sleep.

When you started to stop crying and feel sleep coming on, someone knocked on your door. “Who is it?” you screamed from your bed. Sometimes it could just be a prank that freshmen girls did, or it could be Bianca who forgot her key.

“It's me.” Ajax. Your heart went into your mouth. You couldn't open the door, your face was red and swollen from crying.

“What do you want?” you asked, getting up from the bed and heading towards the door.

“I just want to talk, okay?” he said quietly. Ok, you would have to open the door, it would be very impolite if you didn't.

You ran to the bathroom and washed your face hoping it wasn't so obvious that you had been crying all night because of him. He would think it was because of Ryan, though.

When you opened the door, you felt your heart beat even faster. He was gorgeous it actually hurts. He carried a box of chocolate in his hand, the box you shared when you were kids. You also noticed that his eyes were black and his nose was bleeding.

You didn’t say a word, you went to your bathroom to clean him.

“Are you crying?” he asked as soon as he entered your dorm.

“I was trying to sleep” you dodged the question.

“I didn't know that trying to sleep you needed to cry” he opened a sarcastic smile, but you remained serious. You weren't going to talk to him like you'd been friends forever. You started to clean the boy’s nose.

“What happened here?” you asked softly, and the boy looked at your eyes and you already knew the answer. He was fighting with Ryan.

“Sorry.” he whispered.

“For what exactly?” you teased and he looked at the floor.

“A lot of things” he whispered. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Ajax, I don't even know if you can explain yourself to me! You didn't want to fight for our friendship. Maybe I wasn't as important to you as you were to me-“

“That's not true and you know it” he interrupted you.

“No, I don't! How am I supposed to know if you started to despise me, you wouldn't even look at me.” you already felt your tears coming back.

“Just answer me one thing” he approached you, your heart was beating too fast. “Were you crying for Ryan?” Ouch. he touched your wound, but you wouldn't lie. You swallowed.

“No.” he closed his eyes for a few seconds, suppressing a smile, murmuring ‘good’. His croaky voice made you weak. Ajax knew he was the reason you were crying for.

“So let me explain” you walked away from him and sat on your bed, waiting for him to start. “Well, you know our moms aren't friends. And I questioned why all vacation that year.” At least it wasn't just you.

“I found a very beautiful knife in my grandfather's office, I asked him what it was and he told me that that knife should only be used to kill people of your species.” What? You started to get nervous. “He told me that a long time ago, a man of your kind had a relationship with a gorgon who was married... it turned out that they fought for their honor and the lover ended up winning... killing a gorgon.” This was looking like a book story, you were outraged. “So to this day our species hate each other.”

“But we could have fought it, that's no reason to-“

“You haven't changed at all, y/n! I'm not done yet…” you held back a laugh and he noticed, opening a shy smile. “I did something I had never done before, I argued with my family. I told you that you were the most special person I had ever known, that tradition could be broken, that we could declare peace.” he swallowed hard before starting. “But then they said that they would put people to observe us, and if anyone saw us together, they would hurt you.” he said. “And you know that Weems is a friend of my parents. Maybe you didn't realize it, but she watched us all day, if it wasn't her, it was Professor Tornhill.” Wow. “And I decided to stay away from you, to protect you, but you don't know how much it hurt me” he sat by your side and put his hand on his head. “And then I saw you with Ryan, like come on? He's an idiot!” you didn't know what to do or what to say.

You spent a few minutes with him in the same position. His nose made a noise and you knew he was crying. Shit. “I was worried that someone would say something to you that would upset you or do something to you and I wouldn't be there to protect you” he finally lifted his head and wiped away the tears. “So I didn't know what to do, if I stayed close, they would hurt you, if I stayed away, I couldn't protect you! I hate this! I hate that we've been put in this situation. I hate that there's no way out of this. But worst of all, I hate that I love you.” What? He loved you? Wow. Your hand began to sweat. Again.

“What made you change your mind?” you asked.

“I know I can't take this anymore. I can't hear your name on everyone's lips, knowing that there are people out to hurt you. I know my life would be so much easier if I wasn't in love with you. I promised to stay away from you, but I can’t. You are the bane of my existence. And I want… need to be with you, no matter the consequences.” he looked into your eyes and held your hand, you smiled, your entire body feeling warm, with a few tears falling from your eyes.

“I’m determined to leave my house if I have to. Let's create our own lives. I honestly don’t give a fuck about people say. We are destined to be together, I've never even thought that I could love someone as hard as i love you.” you walked up to him and wiped away a tear on his face.

You kissed him and it was a little wet due to crying. But it was sweet. It was desperate. You knew you love him. And you loved him so much, that it was killing you.

“I love you” he whispered against your mouth.



[the-wize-1]

Thawing the Widow (A Natasha Romanoff Story): Chapter 4 - Friendly Conversation

Chapter Summary: Cat's left alone with this Natasha lady, who's kind of scary but not that much anymore. Awkward conversations commence

Chapter Warnings: Hints of child abuse (not explicitly described)

Notes: Again, incredibly sorry for not updating in like a year. I’ll try to be more consistent. Please reblog/like/comment if you’re enjoying it! Also, you do not have permission to repost this anywhere.

Thawing the Widow Masterlist

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To Cat’s surprise, Natasha had readily agreed to let her free from the chair.

“Make sure you stay still,” she’d said.

Probably because the woman was no longer threatening her at gunpoint, she was a lot less threatening. Her demeanor had done a complete one-eighty. Previously, she’d been terrifying and angry, like she had caught Cat doing something she wasn’t supposed to. Now, she was still distant and businesslike, but not an immediate threat to Cat’s life. In fact, she was almost pleasant, as if she hadn’t just been training a gun at her head a few minutes ago.

Now that she had time to study her, Cat realized that the woman was much less physically threatening than she’d originally thought. She was compact and muscular, like a fighter, and shorter than Trevor, but Cat would bet that this woman could take Cat’s uncle out in a heartbeat if she wanted to. She moved with a deadly gracefulness— somehow, her feet didn’t make a single sound against the wooden plants— and with such confidence that it added a few inches to her height.

Cat had come to the conclusion that Natasha wasn’t going to kill her— if that was her plan, she would’ve done it already. Cat still regarded her with a little bit of unease, but since she could be certain that the woman wasn’t randomly going to stab her with one of her very sharp knives, she felt much better about the whole situation.

Cat guessed that she and the Arrow Man— Barton— were definitely spies. They’d mentioned a “mission,” and they were dressed in black leather, which was definitely suspicious. It was sort of surreal and exciting, to be caught up in some sort of movie-like scene. But what had Natasha meant by “get rid of her”? Cat still had to figure that out, and also how to get out of this place as soon as possible.

“So,” Natasha said, as she sliced one of the ropes that bound Cat’s legs to the chair with her knife, “you speak Russian.”

“Yeah, so?” Cat asked defensively. “Doesn’t mean I’m some sort of terrorist.”

“I don’t think you’re a terrorist.”

“Really? Because it kinda seemed like it five minutes ago.”

“We’ve moved past that.” Natasha shrugged. “I just think it’s interesting.”

“Why?”

“Most kindergarteners don’t speak Russian.”

Natasha’s eyes flickered up, just in time to catch Cat rolling her eyes. She wasn’t bothering to dignify that with a response. She’d given up on correcting her, even though it should’ve been blatantly obvious that she was much older than some puny kindergartener. She was nearly ten flipping years old, for god’s sake.

“How’d you learn?”

“Why do you wanna know?” Cat asked suspiciously.

“Just making conversation.” Her gaze sharpened, turned more calculating than curious. “Did your parents speak Russian?”

At the mention of her parents, Cat’s guard went up. Her knee involuntarily jerked up, just as Natasha was reaching up with the knife to free her from the wrist restraints. It happened so suddenly, the woman only had just enough time to pull back her arm so that the knife only grazed her knee. It was a shallow cut, but it still stung. Cat was unprepared for how sharp it was. She had to bite her lip hard to suppress the cry of sudden pain.

Natasha frowned up at her. “Didn’t I tell you to stay still? I’m holding a knife.”

Cat was startled by her tone of voice. She knew it was ridiculous, but for a moment it had sounded almost like a mother, scolding a child. It’d been so long since she heard that tone used against her. It made her feel so uncomfortable and squirmy that she didn’t know how to react.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“We’re going to have to put disinfectant on that.” In one smooth motion, the knife sliced away the bonds that held Cat’s wrists together. They were sore. Cat moved them around a little, sighing in relief, immediately jumping up and flopping down onto the sofa instead.

“Thank god. I hate that stupid chair.”

Taco, who had been waiting by the floor, immediately jumped into her lap. He licked her hand excitedly, barking. Cat held back a smile. He had been spectacularly unhelpful throughout the entire interrogation, but now he decided that he actually cared about her? He had completely ignored the fact that Cat was in obvious need of rescue— not that he could do much to help her, but an attempt would’ve been nice. She was sort of mad at him, but knew she wouldn’t be able to stay that way as long as his adorable face stayed that way.

Natasha straightened from where she was crouching and reached towards Cat. There was something in her hand, flashing in the light like metal. Like a knife. Lightning fast, Cat flinched back, her fists raising in front of her face, preparing to ward off an attack.

“Hey, relax,” Natasha said, holding up a faint yellow bottle. It glimmered in the light again. It was labeled DISINFECTANT. “Just trying to help you not get infected and die.”

Cat relaxed a fraction, her fists lowering. “Oh. Okay.”

Natasha’s gaze raked her up and down. “Jumpy, aren’t you?”

Cat scowled at her in the most unladylike way possible. “I most certainly am not . I’m just ADHD. Like, I get hyper and super energetic. You know.”

“Okay.” Natasha managed to sound both skeptical and uninterested.

“And my parents didn’t speak Russian,” Cat rushed on, eager to change the subject. “I’m just a genius, that’s all.”

Self-appointed genius, but she didn’t need to know that.

Natasha tore open the hole in Cat’s leggings a little more to expose the cut. The fabric ripped with startling ease, being so worn and old. The cut didn’t hurt— Cat knew she had a high pain threshold— but she was surprised by how much blood such a small cut could produce. Perhaps she wasn’t a very good clotter.

Natasha dabbed the red away with a white cloth. Cat noticed that sometime during their conversation, she’d pulled out a first aid kit. “A genius, huh?”

“Yep. I can memorize loads of things. Books, maps, the periodic table. My third grade teacher—” Cat threw Natasha a significant glance, as to remind her that she was, in fact, older than a kindergartener. “— didn’t believe me when I told her I could remember it off the top of my head, but I showed that— ow!” She hadn’t been able to hold back her hiss of pain.

As Cat was speaking, Natasha had smeared the disinfectant over the cut on Cat’s knee. It stung like crazy. Cat swore a little, not too much, and she nearly saw Natasha’s lips twitch at the corners. Cat remembered that she wasn’t supposed to say those kinds of words in front of adults. She recalled how Mrs. Barington had sent her to the principal’s office— five times!— when she had.

She waited for the lecture, but all Natasha said was, “I think those words are a little too big for you.”

“Well, I don’t.”

She pressed a Hello Kitty band-aid on the cut. “Suit yourself.”

Cat frowned. “Are these the only kind you have?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think you’re in much of a position to be making demands. You were the one stealing from me, after all.”

“I was not making demands,” Cat retorted indignantly. “And I was not stealing.” Under her breath, she muttered, “I didn’t actually leave with anything.”

“Because you didn’t have a chance to leave at all,” Natasha pointed out. “Being in the process of stealing is still stealing. Not to mention, you ate all of the peanut butter cookies and I haven’t heard an apology yet.”

Cat glared at her. “I’m sorry,” she said insincerely.

Natasha snorted.

“They were really good, though,” Cat admitted. She looked at the Hello Kitty band-aid, peeking through the hole in her leggings. “Are you sure you don’t have any other band-aids?”

“What exactly do you have against Hello Kitty?”

Cat huffed. “I just think it’s a little undignified.”

“Clint got them at the store. He claims they were the only ones there, although that’s debatable.”

Cat stiffened at that. Clint. She had to be talking about the Arrow Man— Clint… Barton. And the woman’s name was Natasha. Clint Barton and Natasha Someone. The names struck a chord in her memory. She’d read those names before, she was sure of it. It took a couple of seconds, like it usually did, but the memory came to her like she knew it would. It was three years and thirteen days ago, 8:32 a.m. She’d been six. Her father— she pushed aside the twinge in her chest at the thought of him— had been reading the newspaper. He’d always preferred holding the papers rather than checking his phone. The New York Times. She could nearly smell the coffee and bacon in the air, the lemon scent of her mother’s freshly washed hair.

Her father always let her steal his newspaper before he had his coffee so she could read a couple of passages aloud to him.

Look, there’s Iron Man, he’d said, pointing at the wide picture that spanned the entire half of the page, with the Avengers. Cool, huh?

Cat had been more interested in the words. She liked reading. She liked absorbing the information like a sponge. She’d dutifully scanned the passages, all about how the Avengers had saved New York again. There was Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, a couple other mentions, and… Hawkeye and Black Widow.

Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff.

Cat had never been as good as memorizing faces as she was with words, but she did recall seeing a flash of red hair and that black leather catsuit associated with Black Widow. And Hawkeye’s arrows and black getup were unmistakable. Everything made sense. Everything clicked into place.

What the hell is going on, Cat thought wildly, caught up in a frenzy. Did I really get interrogated by two Avengers?

She was so stupid! It had been so obvious. The arrows, the iconic red hair with the suit, the “secret agent” stuff— how had she not managed to figure it out?

“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself.

“What?”

She remembered that Natasha— who was the Black Widow— was still staring at her. Cat thought back to everything she’d ever learned about the Black Widow. She’d saved New York with the rest of the Avengers, but she was also a spy. An accomplished, deadly, and ruthless assassin. She’d killed dozens of people, probably without even batting an eye. She could probably do a lot more to her uncle Trevor than knock him out. Cat stammered for a little before saying, “Nothing.”

Natasha didn’t look convinced, but also like she didn’t particularly care. She closed the first aid kit and walked away from the room.

“Where are you going?” Cat called after her. “What’s going to happen to me now?”

“Still figuring that out.”

Natasha disappeared around a corner and disappeared into a room.

Cat’s eyes darted around the room. She needed to get out of here. Natasha had been neutral and non-murderous towards her so far, but there was no telling what she’d do to her in order to “get rid of her.” Cat had already found out their secret hideout, she knew their identities, and who knew what other confidential information she might’ve accidentally picked up. That gave them more than enough reason to get rid of her in a not-so-nice way.

They’re the good guys, Cat reminded herself. They wouldn’t kill a kid. That’s ridiculous.

She was being ridiculous. But she’d be safer out in the streets than she was in here.

Cat bit her lip, wondering what Natasha might do if she caught Cat trying to escape. Her backpack was hanging off the edge of the couch, but all of its contents were still scattered across the floor. Taco might bark or protest if she tried to drag him with her while he was dozing. Would Natasha try and tie her up to make sure she didn’t escape.

Cat didn’t have time to make a decision. Natasha was walking out of the room, a chunky laptop in hand. It had a logo emblazoned on the front. An eagle in a circular shape. Natasha set it on the coffee table and began typing furiously. Cat wondered what she was doing. She could’ve been watching funny animal videos, for all she knew, but Natasha didn’t strike her as the funny-animal-watching type. She noticed the woman seemed a lot less dangerous when she was frowning at the computer screen.

Cat swallowed hard. “You’re not going to kill me, are you?” she blurted. “Or hurt me, or maim, or anything?”

Now she had Natasha’s full attention. The woman looked annoyed. “Why the hell would you think that?”

“Well, I don’t know! You’re the Black Widow! You didn’t have any trouble pointing a gun at my head!”

Natasha paused. This seemed to surprise her. “So you know,” she said.

“Yeah, and that Clint Barton guy is Hawkeye. The arrows pretty much gave it away,” Cat said, not choosing to mention that she’d only figured it out a couple minutes ago.

“Huh. We should really do a better job of hiding our identities.”

“Yeah, you guys kind of suck at that.”

“We weren’t preparing to find a little girl in the safehouse.”

“I’m not a little girl.”

“I hate to break it to you, but you are.”

“I hate to break it to you , but I don’t usually trust people who try to kill me.”

“Would you get over that already? That was twenty minutes ago.” Natasha paused. “Think about this: why would I go through all the trouble of disinfecting a teeny tiny wound on your knee if I had plans to kill you right after? That seems counterproductive.”

“Okay, fine. You’re not going to kill me.” Cat sprang up from the sofa and arched her neck to see the computer screen. “So what are you doing?”

Natasha looked back down at the screen. “Just looking at your files.”

“I have files? What do they say? Can I see?”

“Everyone has a file.” Natasha pulled the laptop away from her view, and Cat pouted a little. “I’m seeing if it matches up with what you’ve told me already.”

“I haven’t told you anything!”

Almost as soon as she said it, Cat remembered that this wasn’t true. She’d basically spilled her entire life story to them. But hopefully she’d been talking so fast that Natasha hadn’t remembered everything.

“And all that ‘file’ stuff is a bunch of bull,” she continued hastily. “Who would even keep, like, official government files on me? I bet it’s not even accurate.”

Natasha clicked a couple times and read from the laptop. “Your name is Catalina Gray. Your birthday is August 19th. You were born in Manhattan Beach, California. You’re an orphan and a runaway. Your social security worker is Kimberly Kingston. Your favorite color is green.” She raised an eyebrow. “Still think it’s not accurate?”

Cat gaped at her. “How did they know my favorite color?”

Natasha smirked. “Lucky guess.”

“That is creepy!”

“Even better— look what I found.”

Natasha turned the screen towards her. It was a pdf of a flyer. A picture of Cat, taken from her second grade school photo, was taking up the majority of the space on the page. Underneath, big red letters spelled out MISSING! The description was: Short blonde girl with brown eyes. Wearing a pink backpack with butterflies. May be carrying a box of fruit loops. If found, contact this number.

“Short,” Cat grumbled. “I am not short. I am an average height for my age. And that’s a terrible photo.”

She had been smiling painfully in it. To be fair, it wasn’t that unflattering of a photo. It just brought back memories that she wished would stay hidden. That day, her mother had made her shower— twice— and sit as she brushed her hair into neat braids and tied them off with small black ribbons. Cat had been dressed in her nicest seafoam green dress and shiny hard shoes, even though they pinched her feet. She had no idea why school picture day was such a big deal to her mother. She tried to explain that the photo would only be a mugshot, so wearing such a flouncy dress and uncomfortable shoes didn’t even matter, but her mother had outright gasped when Cat suggested wearing Converse instead.

Natasha turned the screen back towards her. “The good thing is, now I know what to do with you.”

Cat didn’t like the sound of that. “And what would that be?”

“Send you back to your social security worker. This Kimberly Kingston woman.”

Cat shook her head. She had already started backing away. “I have a better idea. You let me and Taco go back to living on the streets, and you’ll never have to see me again. I won’t breathe a word to anyone, I swear, and if I did no one would believe me anyway. See? Everyone’s happy.”

She grabbed her backpack and started gathering her things from the floor and shoving them in. She leaned down and grabbed a fistful of cash that had fluttered down underneath the sofa. Her hands were shaking again at the possibility of ending up back in the system, which she hated. She was so weak.

Natasha didn’t try to stop her. She just did that silent long judgemental staring thing she did. “Why did you run away?” she asked suddenly.

Cat slowed in her frantic movements. She straightened a little. “It doesn’t matter,” she said fiercely.

“It does if you don’t want me to take you back there.”

Cat worked her jaw. She couldn’t believe that she was here, with an Avenger— not only an Avenger but with the Black Widow herself— having this conversation. It was easy to forget that the woman wasn’t a dangerous assassin, a killing machine, when she was sitting right there, in front of Cat.

“If you take me back, there’s a chance that my uncle will get custody again. And there’s also a chance that I might be in the foster system. And I don’t want either to happen, so living on the streets is my best bet.”

“Your parents died, didn’t they?”

Cat tried and failed to stop herself from wincing. “What does that have to do with anything? I’m not a sad little orphan, okay? I don’t need your pity, or your help.”

“And then you moved to New York, started living with your uncle,” she continued ruthlessly. Cat wanted her to stop. Natasha watched Cat’s reaction like a hawk watching a rabbit. Bluntly, she said, “Your uncle— he hit you, didn’t he?”

Cat’s eyes flashed. “No!”

“I saw the way you flinched,” Natasha said steadily. “I’ve seen that before.”

“You’re wrong. You’re so wrong. It’s not like that at all.”

“You’re too young to be looking out for yourself. You’ve been living on the streets for what, less than a month? Trust me, you’re going to want to be in the foster system later, when you’ve run out of money and supplies. You’re going to need to go to school, get an education—”

“I don’t need to go to school,” Cat interrupted. “I can learn everything I need to know from the library. I can buy Fruit Loops from the grocery store. And I don’t need anyone taking care of me. I have Taco, and Taco has me, and we’re good on our own.”

Natasha shook her head. “Trust me, kid. It’s a rough world out there. You’re going to need everything you can get, and you can’t get it by yourself.”

“No,” Cat insisted stubbornly. “No. A thousand times, a million times no.”

“I’m trying to do a good thing here. You’re going to regret this later on, I promise.”

Cat stood up, all her supplies zipped up in that childish, bright pink backpack. She started towards the door. “Don’t try. Don’t promise. You don’t even know me. You don’t want to help me. And you can’t make me. So I’m leaving now. Thanks for not killing me and all, but I’m going. So bye. I’d say it was nice meeting you, but it was really the opposite, so c’mon, Taco.”

The beagle was still dozing lightly, which was both cute and extremely inconvenient. Cat shook him a little.

“ C’mon, Taco.”

The beagle yawned and blinked his large brown eyes at her. He didn’t budge, even when Cat tried tugging at him. He let himself be dragged over the couch, looking a little bemused. He made no move to stop her from moving him, but also made no move to get up and get the hell out of there.

Cat sighed, trying not to glance up at Natasha. “This is really awkward. He’s usually really obedient.”

“That dog is a ‘she’.”

Cat met Natasha’s eyes, astonished. “Really?” Then she remembered that this was getting the way of her being storming out of the room. She looked back down, trying to nudge Taco into action.

“Let me take you back,” Natasha tried again. “If you’re worried about being placed with a horrible home, I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen. And I’ll make sure your uncle doesn’t step in a fifty mile radius of you.”

“I told you, I don’t need your help,” Cat said through gritted teeth. “And I don’t understand why you care.”

“Just trying to wipe some of the red out of my ledger.”

“If you really want to do that, then don’t try and stop me.”

Cat couldn’t believe she just said those words— don’t try and stop me— to the Black Widow. It was kind of ironic because if she wanted to, the Black Widow could stop her as easily as lifting a finger. Use one of her electric zappy thingies to zap her senseless or knock her out with a single punch. Maybe the fact that she hadn’t already tried doing so was what made Cat feel so bold.

Taco finally got the hint. Not very impressively, he— wait, she— staggered to a standing position. Blinking her eyes tiredly, she followed at Cat’s heels as Cat finished her very dramatic storming out of the room.

To her disappointment, she realized that she wouldn’t be able to slam the door because it was so damn heavy. Instead, she did a very awkward pull at it until it started grinding against the floor, slowly shutting.

“Need some help with your dramatic exit?” Natasha called from inside.

Cat was straining herself with the effort. “No! I can… do it!”

She came to the door anyway. As she was helping Cat close the door, Cat said, “Thanks for not killing me again. But not-thanks for trying to take me to that Kimberly person. But also, thanks for not stopping me from leaving. And I really am sorry I ate all those cookies. And I hope I never, ever see you again.”

“Ditto,” Natasha responded, voice muffled.

With a final heave, Cat yanked the door back into its place. She was sweating a little. Cat fell back against the wall, chest rising and falling as she breathed heavily.

“Okay,” she whispered to herself. “That just happened.”

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Notes: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!

[inkdemonapologist]

How do you feel about the upcoming DCTL graphic novel?

Cautiously optimistic!

When I first heard the rumours, before Adrienne’s announcement, I had pretty mixed feelings. My background is in comics, like that’s what I went to school for and worked on semi-professionally for years, and I love it as a storytelling medium, so I’m really intrigued to see how they handle the adaptation…and I also really, really don’t envy whoever has to make decisions on how to depict these characters.

But the announcement is encouraging! I haven’t kept up with Chris Hastings’ more recent work, but I remember enjoying Dr. McNinja back in the day, so I have to admit there’s something exciting about seeing a name I recognise and can be hopeful about to do a good job with the adaptation. Checking out the artist’s work, I’m gonna put a lot of my poker chips on “Sammy will look really normal actually,” but I don’t think that’s a dealbreaker – like, Dober’s Sammy is a big fav as far as Sammy designs go, and I think he’s a good example of how you can still get great Sammy vibes in a more conventionally attractive face. (though i also think there’s a chance of “the artist will lean fully into his unhinged vibes and make Sammy look like a batman villain” so wE’LL SEE!!) Genuinely, the artist’s portfolio seems well-suited to this. I would’ve pictured DCTL with a rougher, more indie look if you asked me to pick a fitting style, but I think this artist's slick Western-Comic-Book style with its strong spot blacks could be a REAL good fit for the inky vibes this story demands, and they don’t have the level of “sameface” that I’d usually be concerned about with these kinds of styles; there’s enough solid variation in their character art that I believe they can handle all the characters needed, and also do a cool ink demon.

DCTL does have some design questions that are genuinely pretty fraught, in that there's no perfect way to handle it (Norman’s a great example; do you take someone that 80% of the fandom has been drawing as a black man for years and make him canonically white, or do you present the Weirdo Creeping Around In The Shadows Who Mysteriously Gives The Protags Supernatural Info And Then Dies At The End And Nobody Misses Him as canonically a person of colour??? ROUGH CHOICE I DO NOT ENVY), but I'm still so curious to see designs for these guys, and my big hope is that the fandom will be understanding of the huge task the creators have been given and that this won't be regarded with the pressure of getting “The Official Canon Design That I'll Be Mad If It Josses My Interpretation” – like, getting an official Henry & non-old-man Joey in BatDR just felt like, y’know, seeing anyone in the fandom make a new set of designs. It feels like drawing fanart of the BatDR AU; it doesn’t mean my henry and joey designs are Obsolete. And I hope these designs are enjoyed from that perspective, as a new DCTL Comic AU, and that the fandom takes whatever we get as less THIS HAS TO MATCH MY PERCEPTION OF SAMMY B/C ITS THE OFFICIAL REAL SAMMY and more just, a take on a design for Sammy Lawrence.

Though of course I can’t help but be a little more anxious about Sammy specifically, haha. He is my big fav after all, and as embarrassing as he is in DCTL it has become a part of his story I’m quite attached to. A lot of humanity could be added to him or taken away depending on how he’s drawn… I don’t want to get my hopes up, but it’s hard not to hope that he’ll have Good Sammy Vibes that Resonate With Me Specifically.

And in general, my expectations are still tempered – the comic could certainly turn out to be very mediocre, especially depending on how well the artist is paid and how much time the creators can afford to put into it – but tbh I’m super interested in how this turns out. I can’t wait to see Joey in this style and it’ll be SURREAL to see a comic of like……. BatIM humans…… I’ve wanted sincere visual content about the humans for a long time and I’m stunned we’re actually getting it, so I’m feeling kinda cautiously eager!! I’m also curious if the comic will make an effort to preserve Buddy’s “voice” from the original novel, and how that will be handled – like, the whole book is really strongly framed as being written by Buddy, and that’s not just an incidental detail; it fleshes out his feelings about Dot, ambiguously gives us info on Boris without directly revealing the ending, and shapes the way he presents some moments as unreliable and time jumping strangely – he even talks about the frustration of not being able to just draw these things and having to describe them! (RELATABLE) – but at the same time, just filling a whole comic with tons of narration boxes is not usually a great artistic choice. It’s a really interesting challenge for the adaptation, and I’m curious if they’ll shift away from the framing device altogether or look for a balance to keep it.

Anyway TL;DR I’m keeping my expectations low but I’m really intrigued!! I don’t know if I’ll, like, actually acquire it; I usually don’t buy JDS Inc. stuff, but I feel more wibbly about the books in general b/c of how strongly I appreciate Adrienne Kress specifically, so we’ll see how I’m feeling when it comes out, haha.

[riridontneedya]

Ruby. (A contination to Sapphire)

Summary: After moving to a new town y/n found herself in an exciting and unexpected encounter with a stranger . Y/n thought that would be the last she would see of him . However that wasn't to be the case .. and now unfinished business can now be settled.

Pairing: Female Y/n reader x Modern day Draco

Words: 1,500

Warnings: Adult themes, Mature language , SMUT, sexual explicit scenes , unprotected sex , Angst .. not suitable for minors . You know the drill of not engaging if you know this content does not concern you!

A/NS: Enjoy my lovelies :) This is the one I favour more out the two lol but thats just my preference make sure you read "Sapphire" thats essentially part 1 and has a more in-depth summary. Anywho requests are open and let me know if you like it angels xx

Oh and a "GP" is short for general practitioner. Its basically your local doctors just incase other audiences are unaware.

Have you ever had a moment so surreal. Where you can’t help but replay the events over and over again in your mind. This was happening to y/n , she was so blissfully unaware of her surroundings just caught up in an infinite loop of thought over this mornings encounter. It was the shrill shriek of a disgruntled child  that pulled her from her repetitive thought cycle. Tremendous timing on behalf of said child as just after the receptionist called out her name. If not for that she wondered how long she would’ve been sat there with a gormless look on her face. “Miss Y/L/N”. “Yes thats me” said y/n as she rose to her feet and scuffled to the desk. “Mrs Crawford will see you now in room 3, last door on the left sweetheart” she smiled whilst handing her a clip board. Y/n thanked the receptionist and rounded the corner. 

Y/n slowed down as she approached the door with the name that matched what the receptionist had said . She knocked twice waiting to be called in. It couldn’t have been more than 30 seconds but y/n felt it an oddly long amount of time to wait to be let in if she was expecting her. Unsure what to do she knocked once more this time a bit firmer incase she didn’t hear. But again nothing. Y/n didn’t want to appear rude and just barge in but she also didn’t want to be stood in the hallway like an idiot for the duration of her appointment. So with that she cracked the door and peered around it. As far as she could see there was no one in the room , but the chair was pulled away from the desk and the steam was still wafting from a mug sat near the  monitor. By the looks of things she must’ve stepped out quickly .. perhaps she’d gone to the bathroom ..or went to grab some documents. So y/n decided to slip into the room and patiently await her return. 

Not too shortly after she had sat down the door swung open and a deep voice chimed into the room “Apologies were shorted staffed today and Im afraid Dr Crawford has been called away , seeing as this is just a general checkup ill be stepping in for her but she will be your main gp, anyway its nice to meet you Y/n I am Dr…” his sentence fell short as he finally glanced up from his clipboard and locked eyes with y/n.  “Fuck” he muttered . Frantically shutting the door ensuring to lock it behind him. Y/n felt as if her eyes had popped clean out of her skull . It was that same arrogant blonde … the one from the bar dammit the one from the woods that very morning!

“What the fuck are you doing here , did you follow me?”. ‘Follow you .. get a fucking grip mate this is a GP practice its public domain .. you think I would’ve just gone ahead with all this had I known there was a chance you could’ve been my bloody doctor’. He paused and processed what Y/n said. His expression had softened ever so slightly indicating he believed y/n.  “Right well , fair enough I suppose” he began to fiddle with his stethoscope unsure as to what to do next , he had anticipated potentially running into her after said events but not exactly a few hours later in his place of work. 

“I can leave if you like , iIl wait until the gp .. my actual one is available” y/n said making her way to the door. “No that won’t be necessary !  I have. A job to do so if you don’t mind , do as your told .. and pop yourself on that table”  ‘Must you be so curt” scowled y/n making her way towards the table. “Well it didn’t stop you wanting to fuck me in a forrest now did it? ” He shrugged watching as she popped herself onto the examination table. Y/n couldn’t help the heat that flush to the surface of her skin as he approached. That mornings events flashed in her mind .. his groans his scent his taste all still fresh in her memory, and now with him stood before her with a button down shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbow and a stethoscope roped around his neck…. arousal washed over her once more. 

His tongue prodded the inside of his cheek. He could see the goosebumps on her skin and how breathing appeared to hasten. He swallowed sharply trying his hardest to remain professional but he couldn’t deny how incredibly turned on she made him. “Come to think of it.. this is a perfect little coincidence … this way we can finish off what we started..I mean if you like of course” His hand began to graze delicately up her forearm as he watched her closely attempting to gauge her response. Y/ns steamy gaze was all the confirmation he needed “good girl , now if I remember correctly we left off with my cock in your mouth” he smirked. Y/n simply rolled her eyes as she used his stethoscope to draw him closer to kiss .

He kissed her with a piping hot ferocity, it was clear they had unfinished business . He was practically devouring her pulling her in a close as physically possible. “Fuck” he moaned “take this all off” he instructed helping her hoist off articles of her clothing and discarding it across the room. Grabbing her thigh he hoisted her towards him to the edge of the table , whilst he plunged to his knees. “Spread your legs”  without any hesitation she followed his instruction. His grip was fastened tightly around her waist. She was right where he wanted her to be her body his  personal playground. His occupation as a doctor must’ve aided him in knowing a woman’s anatomy so well as his warm broad tongue seemed to hit every spot that would send an electric charge pulsing through her.

It continued to roll delicately back and forth over her bundle of nerves. Making her convulse . As if that wasn’t enough he took to vibrating his tongue in and around her just to push her over the edge. Y/n had collapsed back onto the table her hand grabbing a tuft of his hair, becoming increasingly louder with each glide of his tongue. “Shut the fuck up” if we get caught so help me god” he growled against her heat. Y/ns breathing hitched and her grip tightened on his blonde locks as she spasmed against his searing tongue. Unable to stop the moans spilling from her. He promptly rose to his feet “What the fuck did I say huh” he snapped tugging her fiercely by the hair “There are so many things I could gag you with in here so you either shut up or ill make you” .

It shouldn’t have had such an effect on her but when he spoke to her with such aggression and assertion it made her flutter. Pulling her off the table her propped her upright , he motioned his finger in a swivel indicating for her to turn facing away from. “Im going to fuck you so hard do you understand?” “I don’t care what you do just hurry up and fuck me” moaned y/n. With that he thrusted eagerly inside her. Just as he anticipated y/n would shriek as she adjusted to his size , so he swiftly clamped his hand across her mouth as he pummelled into her. The table shook violently as did she clinging for dear life as he thrusted in and out. He could feel the buzz of y/ns stifled screams into his palm. Initially he would’ve loved to hear he scream , scream out his name as she writhe beneath him in his bed but he couldn’t risk it all at his place of work. 

With the final sloppy thrusts and deep grunts he began to unleash inside her. Collapsing onto her back catching his breathe. Making his way to the paper towel station he rolled some off and handed it to y/n, then took some for himself to dab at his forehead . As y/n got herself together he picked up her once discarded clothes . This time instead of helping her out of them he was helping her in. “I know this may be a little back to front but .. would you like to go to dinner with me” he asked sheepishly rearranging his stereoscope around his neck.

Y/n couldn’t help but let out a giggle “Go on then!” She smiled “ So do I just go to a random restaurant and hope you’ll be the waiter or something” she smirked arching an eyebrow. “Haha very funny” he smiled . “Perks of work , I have all your information here ill text you later , and if in doubt ..well you know where to find me in the future now darling” he winked slapping her arse as she hobbled out the door. 

[maybankiara]

PHONE SWAP (DREW STARKEY)

24: WHEREVER YOU GO NEXT

summary: Addie Mallory is just your average economics student when she meets Drew Starkey at her local Target in Atlanta. This is where the story is supposed to end – a short meeting and a picture to go – except Drew accidentally leaves with the wrong phone, and the story begins, instead. w/c: 3.5k a/n: the mallory family holds a christmas eve dinner. this one is also perfectly timed with the holiday season which i'm buzzing about!! (might be a few typos - i apologise in advance) read on wattpad previous part | series masterlist

When her phone buzzes, it’s Drew’s name flashing on the screen, alongside a photo attachment. Addie chuckles to herself—it could be literally anything—and goes back to writing the email for Wes and Raiden, attaching the files Holden had her look over. By the time she’s finished, Drew's sent about a dozen more messages. 

  Addie opens them to be met with a blond toddler, grinning at the camera while sitting on a tractor big enough to make him seem like an ant. He’s got Drew’s excited grin: slightly lopsided and a little mischievous. It’s a cute photo, and Addie would’ve told him so, if she didn’t have another two dozen photos to look through. They’re all of Drew, from a toddler to a teenager, sometimes with other kids or family members. He accompanies each with context (‘I was sixteen and my parents knew I’d drink in high school so they got me drunk home first and I didn’t know they took photos until this morning') and Addie finds herself laughing as she keeps going. 

  It’s cute. It’s funny. It’s weird, too, because Addie realises she’s struggling to accept that this little boy sitting in a tractor is Drew. She always just kind of pictured him at his current age, and anything else felt surreal. 

  So that’s what she texts him: ‘I know this is proof you were a kid once but I still don’t believe it’

  Her dad knocks on her door a few moments later, leaning on the doorframe with his head tilted and a playful smile on his lips, even if his hands are crossed on his chest. ‘Don’t you think you should put work aside for a little while?’

  ‘Can’t do that,’ Addie says, spinning around in her chair to face him. ‘Grubson Law will fall apart if I do that.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Yeah. I’m pretty important there.’

  ‘Well, I’m not surprised. You’re pretty important everywhere.’ Zion winks at her. ‘Especially downstairs, because Donnie wants you to know that your checkers throne is, um, quaking.’

  Addie chuckles. ‘Has he been practising?’

  ‘Well, Addison… I think today might be the day.’

  The image of Donnie getting the whole family into helping him practise for beating her one day is endearing to say the least. She’s known about this for a while – Liyah has sent her photos of Fun Fridays that now include checkers as a staple. Checkers with Donnie have always been one of Addie’s favourite perks of visiting her family.

  Addie smiles. ‘I’m looking forward to it.’

  As her father leans against the doorframe with his arms on his chest, Addie finds the resmblance to Dwayne Johnson again. He’s bigger than she’s last seen him and brighter, like there’s a spring to his step, even just standing like this. 

  ‘You’re looking better, Dad,’ she says. ‘Gym and the new job look good on you.’

  ‘Thanks, Chione.’

  Addie sighs at her father’s insistence to use her middle name instead of her first, but there’s no bite to it. The phone buzzes and she throws a glance—it’s Drew—before putting it in her pocket. She’s ready to go, but Zion is still standing there, looking around the room with fondness in his eyes. 

  ‘You know,’ he says, ‘even though it’s been years since this was really your room, whenever I walk past it, some part of me still expects to see you hunched over your desk, studying.’

  ‘Really? That was ages ago.’

  He shrugs. ‘It’s just not the same without you.’

  ‘Dad,’ she whispers, and then she’s hugging him like she’s six again, terrified of going to school for the first time, with only her dad’s arms to hold her. ‘You’re going to make me cry.’

  ‘Now that’d be a feat.’ 

  ‘I’m not joking.’

  Zion chuckles, regardless, and kisses the top of her head. ‘I look at you and I see a woman that I will be proud of for the rest of my life.’

  Addie feels herself tremble. Zion squeezes her harder, plants another kiss, and then he’s patting her back and letting go. 

  ‘C’mon. You need to defend your throne from Donnie.’

  ‘I’ll be right down.’

  The door closes and she’s alone again, her chest heavy with the emotions swirling around it. She takes a moment to compose herself and drinks some of her water, waiting to go down until her eyes don’t feel like they could betray her. Her phone buzzes with another text from Drew and she shoots a quick response, promising to send some photos of her own later.

  Addie makes her way downstairs and tries to remember her best checkers strategies, to remember Donnie’s, to figure out how to beat him before the game’s even begun.

  She doesn’t, though. It’s the best day of her brother’s life.  

◇

Christmas Eve dinner is the tradition of the Mallory family and as such, is held every year at precisely seven o'clock, with the same roast chicken being served, the same homemade gravy and Liyah’s same precisely cut roast potatoes, amongst other constant elements. The latter is a recent addition – Liyah was twelve when she decided that she had inherited the Mallory chef gene, and started delighting the entire family and beyond with her ability which at this point, in Addie’s opinion, rivals Marianne’s.

  Before the dinner, there is usually a speech. It’s similar to Thanksgiving, except they don’t go around the circle and say what they’re thankful for – instead, they speak of the good and the bad alike, and anything else worth for the entire family to hear. It’s one of the traditions Addie knows she’ll bring into her own family someday. 

  It’s the sight of all the people who make up her home at a table, holding hands while they wait for the dinner to begin, that makes her wonder if she’s ever truly appreciated the cards she’d been dealt.

  Zion clears his throat, rising to his feet. ‘I believe it’s time for me to say a few words.’

  Addie looks at her mother, only to find her eyes shining for her husband, with the gentlest of the smiles in the corner of her mouth.

  Imani has always been the one with the knack for creating an atmosphere. From the soft jazz playing from her vinyl collection in the living room to the candles scattered around the dining room, replacing the main light for the main event. Even the evergreen-ivory theme of the table extends to the rest of the room, giving it a sense of home that grounds Addie. 

  She thinks back to the first Christmas Eve dinner she can recall, when she was five and an only kid. They lived in an apartment in the centre of Denver where the dining room was also the kitchen and the living room, and there was a small roast chicken and a candle or two, with her father’s potato wedges the only food other than the chicken. It was modest and it was the most magical thing Addie had ever seen at the time. 

  Looking over her family now, even with Donnie’s eyes very clearly hungry for those Liyah’s wedges, Christmas Eve still feels like magic. 

  Zion clinks a fork against his glass. ‘When you get to my age, you realise that everything you’ve ever done is so that your children wouldn’t have to go through the same things.’ His voice is kind and his eyes go from one child to another. ‘Every hardship your mum and I faced has been so we could be sitting at this table today, all five of us. I look at you and I see everything I’ve ever wanted in life.’

  Every Christmas Eve, when Zion Mallory holds the speech, the house itself takes a breath, and the world slows to a halt. There is little remarkable about the man, Addie would have to admit, but that’s what she appreciates the most – even in moments like these, he is never trying to be anyone other than himself.

  Her dad.

  ‘Everybody thinks they’ve got the best family,’ he says, ‘but I know I do.’

  Liyah groans. Addie only hears because she’s sitting right next to her, and she gives her a light kick on the shin – she used to feel the same about Zion’s grand speeches, until she moved away and started hearing less and less of them.

  Liyah will appreciate it more, one day.

  ‘We’ve been through a lot to get our family here today,’ continues Zion. He gripts the back of Imani’s chair, and his wife rests her hand on his. ‘We’ve gone through many jobs, many houses, many of everything to finally own this place. To be able to sit here and call this our home. For the three of you to have grown up here.’

  ‘Donnie hasn’t,’ Liyah says. ‘He’s still five.’

  The boy in question puts. ‘Twelve.’

  ‘Same difference.’

  Zion looks at them from underneath his brow, head tilted, menacing even if there’s a smile on his face. ‘Aaliyah. Adonis.’

  The two apologise and Addie meets her mother’s eyes, both of them laughing quietly at the situation. There’s a running bet around the household to see who will manage to draw Zion out of his speech mood, yet for ten Christmas Eve dinners, no one has succeeded.

  Not even today.

  Addie listens to the speech with gleam in her eyes. If someone were to look at her from the outside, they’d see the love pouring out of her – she’s always been a daddy’s girl. She’s seen him hit rock bottom and build himself back up while raising three children and raising them well, and if he can do that, then she can get do anything, too.

  She herself reeling in her father’s words and their delivery – in another life, he would’ve been a preacher. He would’ve been the one voice to manage to make the world a better place. 

  There’s always been something about Christmas that makes her want to take life by the reins again, to do the things she’s afraid of doing. She looks at her siblings and her mother and wonders if they feel the same.

  She’s convinced they do.

  She watches as Donnie grew three times in size when their father talks about his success in grade school. Donnie’s ADHD doesn’t come up but it’s in the back of everyone’s minds as he’s reminded of being the top of his class, of his fight against the odds, and of the fact that him keeping up with Liyah and Addie’s successes means he’s no less but more determined and adaptable than they were, because he has to be.

  Donnie doesn’t say a word but he’s smiling, and Addie feels pride swelling in her chest. She’s missed out on so much of her little brother’s life and moments like these just remind her of it.

  Zion spoke about her sister, too, even though she groaned and sighed her way through it. Addie knows that she’ll learn to appreciate it more someday, because she used to be all the same. Addie was just the first – Liyah is the one with a chance at Yale and Harvard and MIT, and Addie gives her a little squeeze on the shoulder. She won the state archery competition, too, which Donnie is most impressed by, and she even got promoted to Assistant Manager at their local pizza place.

  Her siblings are growing up. Moving up in the world. And she’s given up seeing them do that – for what? For a carrer she’s unsure of? For a love that—

  Zion calls her name, shaking the thoughts out of her head. ‘As I said before, I am beyond proud of the woman you’ve become. I see nothing but big thing in store for you. Whatever you decide to do after your internship ends, after you get your degree – whatever you choose for your career, wherever you go next, you are going to make the world a better place for everyone in it.’

  Addie doesn’t even have the strength to say a thank you, just mouths it instead. 

  He moves on to her mother before Addie has had the time to process his words and most of what he says next goes past her head, but she catches the love pouring from his voice. She hears the pride for Imani’s long shifts at the hospital, and the hand on his starts to shake until Imani ends his speech by pulling him in for a kiss. 

  ‘We're proud of you too, my love,’ says Imani as they sit down, hand in hand as her thumb strokes the back of his palm. ‘You are what holds this family together.’

  Zion opens his mouth and Addie knows it’s to protest, except Liyah is faster. ‘You’ve always got our backs. And the reason why we keep fighting is because you’ve never stopped, and you show us that it pays off. You always push us to be the best versions of ourselves.’

  There’s a moment of silence where Zion’s tiny smile is frozen except for the corner of his lips, where it’s twitching a little. ‘Liyah,’ he calls, extending the pause. ‘Your softie is showing.’

  Donnie starts to cackle and Liyah throws her napkin at Zion, who keeps on teasing her. Addie wants to participate but all she can do is watch her family and just be thankful for the life she’s got, for the way she’s been brought up. Sometimes just existing alongside the people you love is enough.

  When the playfulness ceases, the Mallory dinner commences. Addie thinks this Christmas just might top the first one.

◇

By the time Addie is finished wrapping up her presents, it’s nearly two o'clock in the morning. She knows it’ll be a pain when Donnie gets them all up before eight, but it’s nentirely on her. Hanging out with her family on a Christmas Eve until much later than any of them anticipated was worth it, though.

  Now, Addie is in a tank top and pyjama bottoms, and she’s thankful that her fuzzy slippers don’t make noise on the floorboards as she walks down the steps. If Liyah catches her being bad at sneaking again, she’ll never let her live it down. 

  She's good, though – she gets to the Christmas tree without anyone knowing. There’s five gifts she slips under the ones already there, her maroon merging with the family’s traditional ivory- and evergreen-coloured, chess board-patterned wrapping paper. Her family went for ivory-coloured Christmas tree decorations this year, and the entire interior of the house is adorned in bits and pieces of ivory and green. Addie likes it. It’s a little bit tacky, a little over-the-top, but her mother knows how to make a place feel like home. 

  There’s warmth coming from behind her, a little to the right, and she’s half-surprised to see a lit fireplace in the middle of the living room wall. She comes closer and the heat blows into her face, raising some stray baby hairs, and she stares into the open flame until her eyes feel all dried out, and she’s forced to move away and keep her eyes closed for a little while. 

  When she opens them again, she rests her back on the bottom of the couch, enjoying the heat travelling through the floor, pecking at her bare feet. There’s always been a fireplace in this house, but it hadn’t been working for a long time when they moved in, and Addie kind of made peace with it being a decoration rather than a functional way of heating the place. She always liked sitting here when she was younger and couldn’t sleep – there was something grand about trying to picture what a fire would look like there, how it would feel. 

  Addie doesn’t think she ever pictured it this good. With the Christmas tree and presents underneath it, decorations scattered all over the place, and the finally lit fireplace, it looks like anything one could ever hope for in life. Or at least, in Addie’s case. 

  Her palm is lying open on the floor, and she puts it to her face; it’s warm and soft. Her mum would yell at her for doing this, because the floor is dirty, but Addie doesn’t quite care. There's a feeling within her chest that is at peace here – she thinks she could sit like this forever. 

  Some time passes, and Addie’s dazed train of thought takes her to memories, to photos, and the albums she knows her parents keep in the corner of the room. It’s an effort to go and get them, but she does, picking the one labelled 1994 first, and then grabs a couple more from the years that followed. She goes back to her little spot in front of the couch, gets comfortable with a pillow underneath her butt, and begins looking through the album. She hasn’t done this in a while. 

  There's a sense of comfort Addie gets from looking at pictures of her parents from when they were just a little bit older than her, perfectly in love, ready to take on the world together. She has a lot of her mother’s features but her father’s smile, and she’s glad there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling. Pictures of pregnant Imani are gorgeous, and Addie makes a note of telling her that in the morning. Even in the first picture taken after Addie’s birth, with the little baby wrapped up in a towel and pressed to her mother’s chest, Imani looks beautiful in a way that every mother does. 

  It’s not like Addie has baby fever, but she likes to think that someday, she’ll have kids of her own. She hopes that she gets the chance to be as good of a mother as Imani has been to her. 

  Little Addie in the pictures grows fast, and she’s doing everything a toddler shouldn’t. She made fun of Drew's photo of him on a tractor, but there’s photos of Addie on her uncle’s jet-ski, on the fence, even some of her with bloodied knees and a gash on her chin as she waves gleefully from the highest branch of a tree in their backyard, at barely three.  She was a happy kid, and her parents always supported her wild and reckless endeavours. Later, when school came into the picture, she had a little less freedom, and the grazed knees became bruises from bumping into surfaces while waiting tables. 

  She takes a few pictures of the photos, turning the album so the fire would lighten them up enough to be visible on her phone camera. She sends them to Drew, with a few funny captions like his own had been, and sends some of the more embarrassing ones (like Addie crying because Zion smudged some of her fourth birthday cake on her face) to Marianne. 

  Her finger hovers over Holden’s name for a while. She thinks about sending him some of the ones she’d sent to the other two, but doesn’t quite know if...

  Well. She sighs to herself, leaning the back of her head on the couch – she’s not sure what’s keeping her from sending the photos. Her fingers play with the corners of the page she’s on, twirling them around as she tries to come up with a logical explanation. 

  (Logic doesn’t always work. Marianne’s voice is in her head, and it’s telling her about the highs and lows of being with Tom, and Addie feels like her mind is telling her something that she can’t quite grasp. There is a clear sense of discomfort in her thoughts, in the idea of Holden being a part of this greater picture of Addie’s life, and it leaves a bad taste.)

  Addie’s heart is a little heavy, now. She knows she’s tired and overthinking and her feet are starting to be a little too warm, but there’s been a funny feeling nagging at her for a while now. Being home is like a fairy tale – she’s thinking about family, about history, about love she has for people in her life, and about what she wants her life to be like someday, and... she isn’t really thinking about Holden. Not in the way where she feels like he fits into these little pieces.

  Drew messages her back before her thoughts get anywhere further, though. It’s mostly him making fun of her in return, but he also wishes her Merry Christmas, and Addie realises she’s kind of already forgotten it's past midnight, so she writes a half-apologetic Christmas wish to him. It’s easy, talking to him, teasing him about the fact that he’s awake so late on Christmas of all days, and getting teased right back. As it turns out, both of them are up because they left the gift wrapping for the last minute. 

  The alarm clock on her bedside table reads 3:49am when she finally gets into her bed. She’s still warm from the fireplace, and she’s still chatting to Drew and promising to bring some of the albums up or at least some of the photos, and she falls asleep in the middle of writing a message. 

  She dreams of fireplaces, little kids with her hair running around, and a man whose face she doesn't get to see.

◇

25: MERRY CHRISTMAS (coming 23/12)

[thedeluluverse]

Summary: On a two-year anniversary, you and your boyfriend travel to a beautiful new park that just opened. With a color-changing fountain, lampposts resembling Narnia, and aesthetic benches and floral arrangements everywhere, your photographer's heart is bursting with joy! When you pan to the side and see your boyfriend holding a ring and one knee on the ground, you think you're seeing things through the lens. It's a real-life movie moment that will change your future forever!

Pairing:  OT7 x photographer!reader.

Rating: Everyone

Genre:  fluff, established relationship!au, anniversary trip

Word Count: 997

Warnings:  none, just possible tear-inducing fluff

Context: You've just panned over and see your boyfriend smiling up at you in proposal stance, and you're looking at them with shocked wide eyes…

Jin:

Y/N- “I… wait, are you pranking me or something for a reaction?” *looking warily at him with teary eyes*

J- "Okay, look, I know I joke around a lot, y/n, but I'm serious. Probably the most I've been in my life. So will you do me the honor of being Mrs. Worldwide Handsome??" 👀👀

Y/N- *giggles* "Of course, my love!"

J- *stands up and slips on the ring, looking into your eyes* “I can’t wait to have my Sun next to me  for the rest of my life.”

Y/N- "Me neither, my Moon." <3

Yoongi:

YOON- “Aish y/n, you look like you saw a ghost. A simple no would’ve sufficed” *starts to get off the ground*

Y/N- *gently lays a hand on his shoulder* "It's nothing like that, you dramatic cat… I just…look, it caught me off guard, ok?"

YOON- *slightly pouts* “Okaayy… so will you-“

Y/N- *squats down and wraps arms around his neck* "I will! Yes! I'll agree in every language if you want. Hehe."

YOON- *helps you to your feet and brushes your hair out of your face* "That's sweet, jagiya, but you're fine. Now let's go get some celebratory cake or soju or anything!! If it is with you, I'm there."

Hobi:

H- *eyes are wide as they can go staring nervously, awaiting an answer*

Y/N- “Wait… is that where you were the other day? I knew something was off!”

H- “What do you mean?”

Y/N- “You really expected me to believe you would volunteer at the zoo? I wasn't born yesterday, Hoseok" *raises an eyebrow and smirks* "My beloved fiancé suddenly was more than fine spending his spare time at a place with snakes, bugs, and nasty smells bombarding him?"

H- "I'll admit it wasn't the best cover-up but….hold on…you just said, fiancé!" *pops up from the ground and grabs your shoulders in excitement*

Y/N- "Yes, I did, you silly jack in the box!”

H- "Sorry, hope my sudden move didn't startle you. I just am so relieved, honey. Let's go home now; all the adrenaline is crashing."

Y/N- “Same here. Let's go rest up. I can't believe you were worried! I can't thrive without my Sunshine squirrel."

Namjoon:

N- *clears throat* “Y/N, would you make me the happiest tree and put down roots with me?”

Y/N- “I.. are you asking me to mar-“

N- "Aish, yes, I'm asking you to marry me. I just was trying to go poetic with it but made it confusing I'm sorry…." *Stands up and closes ring box looking at the ground sheepishly*

Y/N- *grabs hand* "Hey, look at me. I loved your wording; it was more of a surreal like 'wow, this is happening' moment, love."

N- *sniffs blaming allergies* “I know what you mean, so does that mean…”

Y/N- "Yes, my sweet koala, I'm saying it would be a dream come true to be your wife."

-you both share a tearful embrace while smiling as wide as you are able, imagining what is to come-

Jimin:

Y/N- “Oh wow, that looks so unique! It's beautiful, Jiminssi!

JM- "I'd hope so; it's custom-made." *blushes*

Y/N- "When did you have time to … wait… is that why you were holed up in your office a couple of weeks ago??"

JM- *rubs back of neck* "Yeah… pulled some strings with Tiffany, and they let me handpick EVERYTHING about the ring. I felt so bad not hanging out with you the other day, but… now you understand why I kept saying it was a crucial meeting."

Y/N- “I definitely do I just…* starts bawling*

JM- *hurriedly stands up and guides you to a bench wiping your tears* "Hey there, what's wrong, baby? If you don't like it, I can return it y/n I promise!"

Y/N- *chuckles* "No, it's perfect! I'm not used to people putting that much effort into something for me or paying that level of attention to what I like, so I just got overwhelmed. In case that wasn't clear, the answer is most certainly yes."

JM- *lip starts to quiver as he affixes the perfectly sized ring onto your finger* “You’ve just made my century my future Mrs. Mochi!”

Taehyung:

T- “Y/N, my angel, my everything, will you marry me? Please?”

Y/N- "I thought you'd never ask; of course I will, my Tae Bear!"

T- *stands up immediately and puts the ring on you* "Do you like it? I had it made special to where garnet is the main stone, and there are mini stones of your birthstone surrounding it since you are my galaxy."

Y/N- "It's beautiful, babe, and so thought I might cry right here."

T- "Aww, hun, you're so precious. I promise to do all I can to protect your heart, mind, and body until my last breath. Let's head home; I'm sure cuddles with our Tan will be perfect!"

*' At Last' by Etta James starts playing*

Y/N- “Did you plan this?”

T- "No, but I'm not complaining, my adorable cub." *cups your face and gives you a deep kiss in relief*

Jungkook:

Y/N- "Is this why you've been extra teary-eyed lately, my sensitive bun?"

JK- *pouts while wiping away a few runaway tears* "Maybe…."

Y/N- "Aww, come here, handsome; of course, I'll be Mrs. Jeon!"

'Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez starts playing-

JK- *is slightly startled* "Well, this is an even more memorable moment now." *surprises you by picking you up and spinning you around, giggling like a maniac, then placing a quick peck on your nose*

Y/N- “You sure know how to surprise a girl! What next?”

JK- *gently tugs on your hand* "We gotta get home to tell Bam and Army; they'll be so happy! Plus, they've been so curious about you! If that's okay with you, that is…"

Y/N- "That's fine with me, Kookie, but after, can we watch Netflix and eat something together?"

JK- "I love you so much; you know me well. Of course, you can have anything you want, babe."

[irkedaud]

Nine beautiful months with you 💋

02.22.24 — 9th chapter together with you.

Happy 9 months of love to us, baby! 🙈 Until now, I still can’t believe that we’ve been together for so long and that we’ve already met in person. It feels so surreal to finally experience the real love that I’ve been longing for all my life. Never would I have imagined that you’re the only person who’ll treat me the best. Baby, you’ve been the best girlfriend that anyone could ever asked for. You’re the definition of what a lovable girlfriend is.

It still feels surreal to finally be experiencing the kind of love that everyone’s been talking about. I would’ve never imagined that I would get to experience this with an unexpected person who suddenly came into my life on that day of April 2023. Without you taking the risk to love someone again, we wouldn’t be right where we are now. Because of that risk that you took, we both got to experience being loved as a whole by someone.

Baby, all throughout our relationship, I’ve been loving you as a whole. I’ve been loving every single ounce, inch, fibers & atoms of you and I’ll continue on doing so forever. You were all I have ever wished for and It’s feels so surreal that the kind of love & person that I’ve ever wished for was just you all along.

When we first had our long conversation, I realized that I wanted to get to know you even more. I realized that I wanted to know you deeply. You left me curious about you ever since that day. Since then, I’ve been asking questions about you that I’ve always wanted to ask and we even exchanged some questions.

Baby, I’m uniquely in love with you. It was like we were really bounded to meet and be lovers in every lifetime. I sometimes get the feeling of like you were my past lover in my past life. Simply because It feels so unreal that we instantly clicked and became lovers. Baby, I love you so veryy muucchh. I really love you and I’m trying to hold my tears as I’m writing this because my love for you is overflowing.

I looveee yoouu soo veryy muucchh myyy bwaabbyy !! Let’s celebrate our 10th monthsary together next month babyy! 🥺 and soon, let’s celebrate our first year anniversary together! I looveee yoouu soo muucchh !! 😚

(I’m crying while writing this) Baby, I’ve never begged anyone to stay with me ever since because I know that not everything stays as it is. But baby, can you please stay with me forever? You’re the only person who knows the real me. You were the first person whom I can be comfortable with and I can tell you everything. You’re also the first person that I wanted to stay with me forever. I can see my future with you baby. I can see ourselves being happily in love with each other in the future.

I would want to build more and more memories with you all throughout the remainder of our lives. I’d love to do the things that we’ve always dreamed off. I want it to be me and you until the end, baby. So, can you please stay with me? 🥺

Being someone’s first love might be great but being someone’s last love is beyond perfect.

Let’s be each other’s last love, baby. I’d love to build memories with you knowing that I’ll be your last love. I want to do all of the things that we’ve always been excited about. Like, living together, marrying, having a family of our own, raising our pets & kids together, and traveling together in every country. Baby, you’re the only person that I can see my future with. Without you in my life, I wouldn’t be here today. You made me felt the love that I needed the most. You made me feel safe in your arms. And for that, I can’t help but to love you even more as each day passes by.

You were everything I’ve ever wanted baby and I promise that no one could ever break us apart. I would risk everything for the sake of our relationship, baby. I love you so very muucchh !! 😚

Babi, I know that there’s nothing permanent in this world we live in— but can you please be mine forever? 🥺 I don’t want to be with anyone else other than you. I can’t see a future without you in it, babi. I love you so much more than what I could ever find the right words to describe it. I love you so veryy muucchh 🥺 love na love kita and pwease be mine forever : ( stay with me forever po babi pwease?

I love you more than everything and anything baby. You���re my baby forever and I’ll be yours forevermore. I promise to stay with you even when things get rough and I promise to fix all of our arguments before going to sleep babi. I really really looveee yoouu soo muucchh !! Love na love kita babi 🥺 I’ll always be your wabwab forever and more! Mwaaa! 😚💋

In our 9 months of being together, I’ve done nothing but to love you even more as the days passes by. Loving you was the best thing that I’ve ever done. Nothing can go beyond to how much love i have for you. I can never exactly describe how much I love you, but I’ll always find a way to make you feel my love and to make you feel special even in just little things.

Babi, I promise you that you’ll always have me forever. I will never leave your side no matter what. You can always tell me the things that’s bothering you and you can freely vent to me. I’ll always be here for you whenever you need me, baby. I’ll be your comfort and safe person forever. I looveee yoouu soo veryy muucchh !! 😚

You’re as beautiful as the bouquet of flowers baby. If you were a bouquet of flowers that’s inside of a vase, I would stare at you for ours and admire how much your petals are beautiful and how uniquely beautiful you are. I could stare at it like it was a painting.

Baby, what I’m trying to say here is that you’re beautiful. You’re beautiful on the inside and outside. You’ve always been beautiful baby and you’ll forever be.

In terms of your personality & your thoughts, you are way much beautiful. The way you are so gentle with me makes you even more beautiful to the point that I can’t help but to admire your personality and your kindness even more.

This goes the same thing with your appearance. Baby, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life. You are drop dead gorgeous baby. I love you so very muucchh !! I hate it when you sometimes tell yourself na you’re pangit when It’s not even real ‘cause you’re so very gorgeous (hays babi ayaw ko na tinatawag mo yung self mo na pangit)

I looveee yoouu soo muucchh my so veryy gorgeouuss girlfrienddd !! MWAAAA !! 😚😚

[basilone]

lemme be sappy for a min bc I’ve loved your blog for years when I discovered hbo war a while back, for some reason I haven’t been on tumblr the past year, so I decided to get a new blog and yours was the first I followed <3 seeing MOTA coming out in real time is so surreal and seeing your beautiful gifs just brought back the feeling of when I first watched hbo war bc of them being recommended to me. all this to say I really really appreciate all your hard work giffing the new episodes

Im so looking forward to seeing you gif Rosie because he grew on me so quick, same with Demarco tbh, I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if we had tumblr when BoB was coming out during that time lol

Ahhh, anon, this is SO sweet! 💚 Thank you so much, you've made my week with this message.

I love that you remember me from the early days of this blog, haha, and that you decided to come back and give me a follow! It's so heartening to hear that you enjoy what I create and want my presence on your dashboard. I was away from the fandom for a bit myself, too, and when I decided to come back I immediately felt welcomed again by everyone. The HBO War fandom is a nice, long, hot bath of fun and good vibes for me (and I hope to many others, too!) that really keeps feeding me creatively and personally.

Getting a new episode of MotA every week is so exciting! I love that they're giving us a weekly episode, so we have time to gif and talk and write and discuss and speculate! It's a mishmash of people who've read the book and people who haven't, and I'm already unreasonably excited about what we'll likely see this week because some non-book readers in my gifset notes are going to have a great time here very very soon. 😉 I can't imagine what it'd be like to get to see the other HBO War shows airing for the first time, but I imagine we'd have a wonderful time too!

It's also really rewarding for me to get to gif a show like MotA that allows me liberal use of my favorite type of gif coloring -- bright, colorful, popping -- because none of the other HBO War shows give me that option. (The color palettes are very different between each show!)

Rosie is my favorite of favorites, so I'm really happy that people like you share my love for him! And DeMarco, man, I don't know what it is about that guy -- my fandom friends say "he is a man with a dog and five minutes of screentime" like that fully explains why we have half the fandom making eyes at him 🤣 -- but I'm lovin' the vibe here!

[brunchbitch]

Update of sorts

Just got through my first week of classes (second to last semester!) and I’m not crazy about 2 out of 3 professors, but oh well. All of them seem like hard asses and tough graders so that’ll be interesting. I’m jealous that so many of my classmates are graduating in May but the trade off was a much more manageable fall schedule. Idk.

I’ve been doing well-ish with cutting down on weed. A couple weeks ago right after the new year I tried to go back to my schedule of no weed during the week (well… really just Tuesday through Thursday lmao) but I had AWFUL trauma dreams and it really affected my mood. So last week I didn’t do as well, though definitely less smoking in the week. This week I took edibles Tuesday night bc I wanted to make sure I would sleep well before my internship, but I didn’t have anything Wednesday or Thursday night. I had some fucked up weird dreams for sure BUT they weren’t directly trauma related so definitely easier to handle. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge but I’m hoping I’ll get used to this schedule and it’ll just become second nature.

Therapy with B is good - we’re now switching to every other week! NEVER thought I wouldn’t be in weekly therapy!! I was worried my behaviors would escalate bc I’m scared of “getting better” and being seen as not sick, but so far so good and it’s helpful to be aware of it.

My parents are coming out next weekend and my mom and I are going wedding dress shopping!!!! Crazy!!!! But we still have 554 days until the wedding so I have plenty of time. This will be more to get a sense of what styles/silhouettes I like. It’s gonna be surreal to look in the mirror with a wedding dress on. Hoping my mom isn’t too opinionated if we disagree lol.

I can’t remember if I have said this on here yet but A and I have decided to move to Seattle in august! I’m soooo excited but also nervous to be close to my family again. A also feels conflicted about it but we’ll take it one day at a time and it doesn’t necessarily need to be permanent. It feels a little silly career wise to leave Boston which is a city with such amazing hospitals and go to Seattle which has one level one trauma center, but I might want to work in a specialized outpatient clinic anyway. I would NOT want to work in an ED so maybe it doesn’t really matter. I think it would be really cool to be a medical social worker in an outpatient cancer clinic working with young adults, though I know that’s very specific and I’m not sure exactly what’s available out there. I’ve started to look at jobs just to get a sense, but obviously I’ll have to study for and pass my licensing exam first. I would love to take more Spanish classes while I’m working on that. I miss it!

Overall things are really good. I keep waiting for shit to hit the fan but idk… weed plus A plus a meaningful internship (last year too) has led to such a long period of stability (well long for me lol). A and I were talking about how at the end of this decade he will be 43 (!!!) and I’ll be 39. I started thinking about my life seven years ago at 24 and it feels like I was a completely different person. I would’ve laughed in your face if you told me I would be where I am today. Idk. It’s weird. I worry that one day I’ll relapse with my depression bc I genuinely feel… happy? So it’s kind of easier to not use behaviors. But if I felt depressed and hopeless, things might be very different. I guess I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time.

Edit: I also started on propranolol a couple months ago and WOW has it made a difference in my anxiety especially at my internship. I feel like I’ve worked really hard to work on the mental distortions, but the physical aspect of the anxiety has just been so tricky. After taking neurobiology last summer, I really am recognizing that trauma can have such long term effects on your body.

[trulyinspiringmovies]

Avatar: The Way Of Water

“Avatar: The Way Of Water” would’ve been an easy five-star movie to end the year if it wasn’t for a few minor issues.

Jake Sully is now a proud father of two sons and two daughters with his wife, Neytiri. Things are going well until his tribe is threatened by the return of Colonel Miles Quaritch. While his human body died at the end of the first film, his consciousness was downloaded before his death. With his saved consciousness now uploaded into and younger and stronger Na’vi avatar, he’s more dangerous than ever. Jake and his family are forced to flee and seek asylum with the Metkayina, a clan of reef people.

So, this was my first time ever watching Dolby Cinema in 3D. I was excited about the experience. It’s been so long since I’ve actually seen a 3D movie in theaters and the novelty is nostalgic for me. Unfortunately, I found out that I wasn’t meant to watch movies in Dolby Cinema 3D. I found out that astigmatism can affect the viewing experience of 3D movies. I have had astigmatism my whole life and it’s not bad by any means, but it’s more severe in my left eye. That meant that when I put on my 3D glasses, the bottom left quarter of my left lens looked completely black. My glasses have a special coating on the lens to aid with astigmatism, so I thought the fix would be to put on my glasses under the 3D glasses. The problem was that it made the glasses heavy and reduced my peripheral vision, which wasn’t ideal for a big screen format. The glasses also dug into my nose. After a while, it became a surreal experience for me because it felt like I wasn’t watching a movie, but rather remembering about a time I was watching a movie (if that makes any sense). Still, I wanted to get that out of the way since it could’ve experienced my score in a subconscious way, even if I try to judge the movie without that little hiccup. I even thought about rewatching the movie in 2D, but there literally aren’t any options to watch it in 2D unless I just watch it in plain digital. Still, I think my criticisms of the movie still hold up regardless of how I personally watched the movie. My main criticism has to be the constant changing of frame rates. A lot of this movie was shot in the standard 24 frames per second, but some scenes, particularly the action scenes, were shot in 48 frames per second. It genuinely threw me out of the experience because it started to look like a video game cutscene. I get why filmmakers choose to shoot with such a high frame rate. It reduces motion blur and makes the scenes look more natural to some people. I don’t subscribe to that belief. There’s a reason why a lot of people complained about the frame rate in the Lord Of The Rings movies. My second criticism was the inclusion of one too many subplots. I feel like cutting the ‘befriending a whale’ subplot could’ve easily been cut. It would’ve definitely shaved off a couple of minutes of this super-long movie. Kiri’s subplot of having a different birth never gets resolved and only feels like it was included as sequel bait. Still, the rest of the movie was phenomenal. Like the first movie, I felt like I was transported to a whole new planet. The visuals were stunning and everything looked fantastic. This sequel does what every good sequel does and that’s expanding the world. I loved the new setting of the reef tribe and how they did things. I thought that the villains were still the weakest part of the movie, but they were significantly better. I stated that the movie was long, which is justified as being a 3-hour and 12-minute movie, but the pacing is still perfect. I think the only character I truly had a problem with was Spider. I had a hard time pinning down his motivations because he flip-flopped sides between each scene. Neytiri was given less to do, but the final climactic battle with her and Quaritch more than made up for it. I just wished that the choice she made in that final confrontation would’ve had a lasting effect on her and Spider’s dynamic. Jake acts a little out of character in this movie, but it’s in service of the emotional payoff, which delivers in spades. I genuinely got choked up in some of the scenes toward the end. This movie has definitely got me excited about the future of this franchise. I know James Cameron already has a bunch of sequels in the works and I’m definitely going to be in theaters for them. I just wish he would ditch the whole 3D gimmick.

★★★★

Watched on December 31st, 2022