#the erm
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lumalalu · 2 years ago
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man fuck it im gonna start doin wip wednesdays here
Summer is sweet and endless and she has nothing to do but look at me. She's looking at me now, through the sun's glare on her mirror. She shadows the shapes of my mouth, but doesn't put her voice to my words.
My parents are worried about Grace. They think something's wrong with her - I know what it is. Grace knows, too, looking at me, looking through the glare in the mirror. Everything about her is wrong. I could fix her, if she would let me.
Solid, measured knocks. "Gracie?"
"Yeah?" She pulls her braids back to look at her shoulders uncovered. The angle of her jaw. She is trying to see how it matches up to mine.
"Your mother and I are going to go to the mall. Do you want to come?"
I've never been a fan of the sweltering heat of a cracked-asphalt parking lot, nor the chill on my skin in a Macy's. Grace says, "Okay." But she only said that so that she can look away from me. She is a fool. I can be found in anything that can reflect. I watch her in the windows, in silver lockets, in the mirrors she models new boots in. She parades about like a wind-up toy, a ballerina in a music box. Her mother hands her new skirts for the new school year, button-up blouses, low-cut but not whorish, and modest stockings.
The dressing rooms are hidden in the corner, neatly separated by two icons of triangles - one upside and one downside. I follow her to the wrong one, the wrong stall. It's cramped and ill-fitting, somewhat like a body. Grace tries her best to avoid me still. It's a valiant effort, I'll give her that much. But at some point, in a few minutes, maybe, she'll have to turn around and face me.
Grace takes off her tanktop like the accused pushing off concrete slabs. She hisses with impatience at the clasp of her bra and its stubborn claws in her skin, throws it on the bench with more violence than is necessary. Branded into her back it remains, aching, smoking. Cramped and ill-fitting. She itches at it like the fabric is stuck in her, like it still remains subcutaneously and she could pull it away finally, permanently, if she also removed the skin. Her nails are well cared for, and so, won't do the job. I smile at the sound of her bent elbows.
Her pants go too, her keys squeezing free of the claustrophobic pockets and diving with raucous applause to the floor. Her phone is in her purse, because the back pockets are only decorative. Grace doesn't curse. Her words are never ugly. Instead, her lips bend into the shape of: "shit", and then she bends and picks up the keyring. It is unadorned. Why should it be anything else? A key only has one purpose.
For a moment we stand there together, Grace's back to me, my back not quite to hers. She is hesitating, stretching out the moment between one set of clothes and the next. The blouse is slippery and coarse in texture, sends spider legs running over her back. The skirt is of good quality, but takes up in the back, so she is afraid to bend. No pockets.
I ask her if I can see it. She stares at the off-white wall in silence, and then she turns.
"Oh, no, Gracie. That won't do at all." I tell her. "That thing isn't even fit to be a tablecloth. It's see-through, it's itchy on my ribs. It's pushing my skin too close to my bones, the points of my ribs poking at my lungs. It's like a coffin leaking air, sighing its way into the ground." 
Her breath hitches. "I don't know what's wrong with me." She's saying to herself, to the mirror, to me. I make a sound - in my mouth it is sympathetic, but in hers it is animal, pained, cornered.
#the erm#well i already have all of my future changes planned out but might as well talk about it here#the introduction to this scene needs to be a bit more involved or like.#ren calls it cinematic lol#wip wednesday#UHHH#writeblr#writeblogging#the next part that im working on today will be the reflection giving her different clothes to try on#i dont know whether to lean harder into the dysphoria in like a 'i just look like a girl in mens clothes' or into a euphoric way#i can probably figure out a way to do both?#like... if grace is like I hate this and the reflection goes But look#here is potential for something else#the more i write it the more im confident its like#clear enough so as not to be confusing#like even if u dont get the intended meaning youd probably come away with Something#i havent had many people read any of this yet tho#since im not in a creative writing group anymore i dont have a lot of people To show#maybe theres something like that that meets up at my library#or maybe i could start something?#idk how youd even like. advertise for that...#i dont actually think this is long enough to warrant a readmore but i thought it would be polite still#i guess technically this is transgender but its not like#its prose lol#oh this is a short story im intending to submit to a lit magazine when its finished#id liketo find specifically a queer one#ive been trying to make a lil personal website on neocities to host my original stuff too so ill probably put this there when its done#sniffs#🕷❣#TRYING NOT TO BE NEGATIVE I CAN WRITE! THIS IS A SECOND PASS BUT ITS STILL GOOD AND WORTH SHARING
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ouroborosreilig · 3 months ago
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dental hygiene fluid
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sabertoothwalrus · 1 month ago
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he's saddled with unnecessary something
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teeefftoo · 2 months ago
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Posting this here for keepsies
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thelostmoongazer · 4 months ago
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i did these sometime back in November of last year and forgot i never ended up posting these we still like Showtime right?
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ironspidersblog · 6 months ago
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STOP I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
Flash: black widows here? It’s my lucky day
Ned: erm she’s here for Peter
Flash in absolute shock: since when did we get another Peter on the team????????
The team overhearing, giving death glares:
Peter: guys pls stop you’re embarrassing me pls, omg nat put down the knife
Headcanon is the Avengers showing up to Peter’s decathlon matches, and when Peter gets the winning point, the Avengers howl out like herd of animals and holding up signs for their little spider-baby.
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gravitycoill · 1 year ago
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lil comic i’ve had in my head for a bit
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itsdefinitely · 6 months ago
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i've noticed a pattern
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tibby-art · 9 months ago
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broke: scar leaves his tie undone for hot guy purposes woke: scar can't tie a tie and only pretends it's undone for hot guy purposes
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pastelicide · 4 months ago
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The girls.. missed them sm
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nebyoolah · 1 year ago
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just finished the owl house for the first time. can you guess who my favs are
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He would not go there.
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rystiel · 5 months ago
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skmr24 · 4 months ago
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"Musicology here introducing Trentacool! This is a new side project for the super-talented Marina Ida from Off the Hook. Working with the mysterious DJ Sango, an indie track producer who's gained popularity online, their experimental sounds and techniques are 30x COOLER together!"
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suchscary · 18 days ago
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watashi wa star
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