#the epilogue is randomly in first person? I can understand the reason why but it felt weird

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread  

Road of the Lost

YA fantasy adventure,

a brownie girl raised by a hag discovers that she’s been under a spell hiding her identity all her life

so she travels through the fey otherworld to find her true self, and uncovers the mystery of the rulers of the kingdoms

[shihalyfie]

Shihanne’s Kizuna FAQ

Since Kizuna is finally becoming gradually more accessible to English-speakers online, I’ve decided to put together a quick FAQ for those who are not sure about watching the movie or are (understandably) apprehensive about anything about it, especially due to recent events in the franchise and occasional fanbase misinformation. This is not meant to convince anyone towards or against watching the movie as much as it’s just meant to clarify some questions for anyone who might be unsure about watching it, such as how relevant it is to tri. or how canon-compliant it is, etc.

This is meant to be as spoiler-free as possible, although due to the nature of the movie’s contents, I will ultimately have to make minor hints or references to minor plot details. I’ve done my best to keep it to a minimum, but the references to what happens in the story increase progressively as we go further into the post, so feel free to stop reading as soon as you like.

Is Kizuna a sequel to tri.? Are they related?

They are not related. Other than Kizuna being set five years after 2005, there is no relation, not on a story or creative level at all -- the themes, writing style, everything is different. Even the staff is different -- of the tri. staff, the only ones carried over are the voice cast, Producer Kinoshita Yousuke (who was only on Parts 5 and 6, at that, and had no involvement in tri.’s story at all), and some music staff members (AiM, Miyazaki Ayumi) that were also on the original series. Everyone else is either from the original series (original series producer Seki Hiromi, writer Yamatoya Akatsuki) or new staff that self-identifies as Digimon fans.

Notably, Producer Seki was pretty unsubtle about finding certain things about tri. to be unsatisfying, to the point that she openly admitted that certain things in Kizuna were made in direct response to it, so that probably lends a lot to why the creative process behind Kizuna was so diametrically opposite.

What do you need to have seen so far to understand the movie? Do you need to have seen tri.?

You do not have to have seen tri.; it’s effectively irrelevant to Kizuna whatsoever in both theme and story.

I generally recommend having seen Adventure, 02, and their four movies (Digimon Adventure, Our War Game!, Hurricane Touchdown, and Diablomon Strikes Back). Even then, if you’re missing some stuff, the story doesn’t rely on their events so much that it’ll confuse you if you haven’t seen it, and in fact it’s mostly its own story; it’s just that the emotional resonance hits best when you’ve seen what’s happened in the prior works, and its core themes have a lot to do with what was established in Adventure, 02, and its worldbuilding.

Surprisingly, despite being Adventure-centric, I’d say it actually has deeper relevance to the events and themes of 02 than it does Adventure, although that’s just my personal impression. (That’s still “deeper“, in the comparative sense; it most certainly has strong ties to both, and part of it being more 02-relevant is also simply due to the logical nature of it being set in this point in timeline, where 02 is a closer temporal reference point and also has an epilogue that this movie is building up to.)

Are the characterizations consistent with Adventure and 02?

Yes! Very much so! There are a few differences, but they’re all things you can chalk up to how someone would naturally get older and more mature, and even if you personally don’t care for certain developments, they’re still logical extensions of what they might be like as per their character arcs. For the record, making sure the characters felt like themselves seems to have been a pretty big priority for the staff:

Before the preliminary meeting for the script, [Producer Seki] told us, “I haven’t finished reading it, so I’ll be there later,” and then she arrived sometime after the meeting had already started, and said things like, “no, Taichi feels wrong here. He wouldn’t say something like this.”

Producer Seki was personally involved in the creation of all twelve kids and their partners, so it’s safe to say she is probably one of the people you can reliably trust most to understand them. (During the production of the original series, she was also well-known for being the one who pushed for portrayal of their personal home lives and family backgrounds.)

The 02 quartet (Daisuke, Ken, Miyako, and Iori) is portrayed in line with their Japanese version characterizations, so if you watched 02 with the American English dub (which at times took some pretty massive liberties with some of them), there may be some differences.

How much of the cast gets to play a major role in it?

I’ll be frank about the fact that this is mainly a Taichi and Yamato movie (to be fair, it’s not like they hid this fact in advertising). That said, a surprising amount of attention is given to the 02 quartet, and there’s a bit of attention on Koushirou, but the protagonists are most certainly Taichi and Yamato. Mind you, this is in terms of story, not, say, making everyone randomly weak in battle for no good reason; Taichi and Yamato are the “protagonists” of this movie (similar to Our War Game!).

Sora also gets a bit of focus in the short side story “To Sora”, and there’s also a planned upcoming one with Jou (public release details are still unclear, but most certainly expected by the Memorial Story project in December). The accompanying drama CD that came with the deluxe version of the Blu-ray is also centered around the 02 main cast.

What’s with the whole thing about a novel?

There were two official novelizations of the movie, the Dash X Bunko version and the Shueisha Mirai Bunko version. I recommend them as reading for anyone who’s watched the movie; the Dash X has some extra scenes that weren’t in the movie and clarifies a few things, while the Shueisha Mirai clarifies some of the core themes and background points that were a little more obscure in the movie itself.

However, since the movie is first and foremost a visual medium, I do not think that either serve as effective replacements for the movie itself, nor, conversely, that the movie itself is particularly incomplete without them, but rather that, since there are a lot of intricate nuances behind the themes of the movie, they may benefit from some extra clarification. The novels by themselves omit a lot of visual details that enhance the presentation of the movie and make its intended themes much clearer, and since this is a movie that relies more on emotional resonance and feelings moreso than it does events on paper, I don’t think the novels alone constitute an accurate reflection of it.

What was that whole thing about the movie not being compliant with Kakudou lore? Is the 02 epilogue still canon?

The issue most likely has to do with the movie’s premise about partners disappearing when you become an adult. Director Kakudou (original director of Adventure and 02) clarified himself that the “lore inconsistency” had to do with underlying lore that wasn’t depicted directly in the TV series, so it’s not something major like the epilogue (which definitely was depicted on-screen).

His relevant posting is to do with the theory of Digimon being manifested as part of the soul, so my personal guess is that he wasn’t quite on board with the slightly different take the movie had on such a detailed and absolute matter. (He did, however, gracefully invite people to enjoy the movie regardless, so take that as you will.)

Another thing that he mentioned in his detailed posting is that he felt that it would be impossible to reconcile the lore for the TV series and the occasionally contradictory lore from movies 2-4 (Our War Game! through DSB), to the point the original plan for the third Adventure series was shelved partially due to that. Without saying too much, Kizuna does (latently, but nevertheless) involve references to the movies in question, so that probably also contributed to the issue.

For the most part, though, the movie itself doesn’t actually violate that much of the underlying lore for Adventure and 02; it’s compliant with even the background details of his concept (the Chosen Children number tallying over 30,000 by the time of 2010 is consistent with the doubling-every-year principle), and, without spoiling too much, there’s multiple indications in the movie of that whole thing about “partners disappearing when you become an adult” actually being more of a deceptive premise than press made it seem.

As for the epilogue...official press and staff have practically whacked you over the head with a statement that the 02 epilogue still holds and that this movie leads up to it. (Need proof? Here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and about half a million other places in press and press releases; warning that these links are spoilery.) The last one has a pretty clear statement, too:

This is not a movie meant to change the world’s timeline, but rather made to be a connecting story that happened within those 25 years, and we consider it to be a story that expands the world of Digimon.

Producer Seki herself was infamously the one who put her foot down when people asked her about epilogue-related questions in V-Jump, so we’re talking about staff with a history of having no intention of going against the epilogue. This is also consistent with the fact the movie itself constantly drops epilogue and latter-half 02 references (the increasing number of Chosen Children, the kids’ career paths being clear lead-ups to the events of the epilogue).

For all it’s worth, it’s important to remember that the concept of the epilogue ever potentially being retconned has always been purely fanbase invention (and especially Western fanbase, at that). At no point has official staff ever made an indication that they had any intent to go against it (even the tri. staff, of all people, made a huge point of claiming they would still be going with it). Kizuna is not a movie that really holds your hand nor caters to what the fanbase wants, so the best way to enjoy and understand it is going in with the understanding that the epilogue applies by default, rather than considering it to have been written with any possibility of it not applying.

In addition, the actual core theme of the movie itself is very dependent on the assumption that the epilogue holds in mind (which really should be the case, considering that the epilogue was literally right there on screen, no matter how controversial it may have been), and having that assumption allows for a much better understanding of said themes.

Are Takeru and Hikari still involved with the 02 kids?

The events of the movie engineer a situation where the other four end up working as a quartet, but not in a sense where they’ve split or become distant from Takeru and Hikari (rather the contrary, in fact). The circumstances alone go a lot towards explaining why they’re working separately at the time (much like Diablomon Strikes Back), and the drama CD included with the special edition of the Blu-ray confirms that the situation in the movie is purely due to its individual circumstances, and in all other scenarios, they’re still regularly in contact and very close with each other. It’s not played in a way that feels contrary to their known relationship, and, without going into too much detail, there are certain depictions within the movie that reflect them as being part of a “younger group set” with the other four.

Beyond that, a large amount of promotional material classifies Takeru and Hikari as being with the 02 group instead of the Adventure one (for instance, this piece of Ani On Station art).

Is there romance or clear romance baiting in the movie?

No. The movie also happens to be extremely fast-paced (it tries to get a lot of major content out of the way in only 95 minutes, and does not let up even once), so it’s executed in a way in which it’s completely understandable that the topic or depiction would not even be brought up front-and-center, and it comes off as pretty natural in that respect. Quite simply, it feels that even if any of the characters are romantically involved or dating, they’re more than capable of putting the issue aside for the 95 minutes of bigger priorities this movie spans.

For those who are interested in this topic in terms of epilogue compliance (i.e. the two canon confirmed married couples Yamato/Sora and Ken/Miyako), the depictions of the respective characters’ relationships are done in a tasteful way such that, even in the lack of clear depictions of romance, there is minor evidence that the epilogue outcome was on the staff’s minds when writing them, and there’s no awkwardness about it. Or, in other words, where they are now seems completely feasible and natural based on what we know about where they were as of 02 and where we know they’ll end up; there isn’t anything in-your-face about it, but some things might stick out to the particularly perceptive person looking out for it.

Is tri. canon to Kizuna?

Hoo boy, that sure is a question. The answer is...yes and no.

There is a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery brief, borderline blink-and-you’ll-miss-it clear reference to tri.’s central character Mochizuki Meiko and her partner, Meicoomon. (It has no real relevance to the story whatsoever.) There are things you may consider references, like Yamato being into motorbikes or Koushirou being in company business, but that’s if you really squint. Otherwise, there are no other conclusive references to any of the events from the tri. anime series. In addition, Kizuna very much prioritizes compliance with Adventure and 02, and, when faced with a plot, lore, or characterization point where it has to decide between Adventure/02 compliance or tri. compliance, it absolutely prioritizes the former, even if that means posing a direct contradiction to tri. (a good example being its portrayal of Digimon and Digimon partnerships as something that’s been a naturally increasing part of life since 1995, in stark contrast to tri. having Digimon be seen as unidentified mysterious entities all the way in 2005).

I wouldn’t say Kizuna retcons tri., but it seems to handle it in a way similar to what I call “M03 status” (M03 being previously Adventure/02′s most infamously difficult-to-rationalize entity in canon, especially when it has its own sequel in the form of The Door to Summer) -- it doesn’t go out of its way to reject anything as much as it encourages you to not think too hard about it, and prioritizes compliance with the original series when push comes to shove. Since there’s nothing really contradictory about the idea that “a girl named Mochizuki Meiko with a partner Meicoomon exists” (just like how there’s nothing contradictory about the idea that “a boy named Wallace exists and Daisuke and his friends met him in the US once”), I would say that if you do want to think about it too hard, it’s possible for some of the events of tri. to have happened, but not in the exact way they were presented in the actual real-life anime series.

Although it may seem like a cop-out to some, personally, I feel that the contradictions (especially the lore and timeline-related ones) between Adventure/02 and tri. are so huge in number and significant that it would be impossible for a 95-minute movie to maintain its integrity as a creative work while trying to resolve that laundry list of issues, and overall the movie does give off the impression of being “fun and emotional” more than anything, so it does feel like about the most practical decision they could have feasibly made.

Is it a perfect movie?

No!

Like with any work, there are things you might criticize, or that your personal taste might not match up well with. I mentioned earlier that the movie itself actually is closer in thematic line with 02 than it is Adventure, so people hoping for Adventure reference overdose or Digital World specific lore might be a bit disappointed in this respect (it focuses a bit more on the human growth and drama angle than the Digimon lore and coolness angle, although that’s not to say it completely neglects it whatsoever). There are some writing nitpicks I would say were endemic to the original series as well (some very vital thematic elements are a bit too subtle for their own good, to the point the novels and staff interviews feel a bit more necessary than they should be), and if your favorite character didn’t get a lot of spotlight in this movie, that might be a bit disappointing.

But don’t get me wrong: I don’t say any of this to harp on the movie, but mainly because I think it’s unfair to have unrealistic expectations of it. This is a single movie that’s meant to be fun and enjoyable more than anything else, and to make you think about the themes it has to say. I would not think of it as a full series nor something meant to fulfill the role of a full series, but rather a single movie -- much like Our War Game!, which is a fun and enjoyable movie but by no means a comprehensive series-scale entity -- that’s meant to entertain you and give you lots of emotions and make you think about things in the span of 95 minutes.

If anything, it is a movie definitely made with a lot of heart and passion by its staff, who clearly put a lot of love and effort and respect for the original Adventure/02 (yes, both) into it and wanted to say something emotionally moving. For all intents and purposes, both Adventure and 02 were the same way -- not necessarily free of writing problems, but full of a ton of love, passion, and soul -- and so I think it is a movie very true to the original series in this way.

[herotheshiro]

so i reread all of behind the desks today lol bc i was thinking abt it last night as i was going to sleep, and also fully read through the epilogue chapters which i don’t think i had done before. which means i read through all of the plot points all at once this time around. i think my thoughts for this readthrough might end up being the length of a regular post so i’m just writing up a new post instead of reblogging my old review of this manhwa. obviously spoilers for the story below the cut

again i like this manhwa mainly bc of 2 things:

i like the juxtaposition of young’s obviously manipulative language with taesung’s innocent language that also sounds suspiciously the same. obviously you know taesung has positive intentions and isn’t a controlling freak like young but it’s such an interesting way to depict the aftermath of an abusive relationship and the difference in intentions despite the same words even though in retrospect that probably wasn’t what the author was trying to do. unless... ?

sunny seo as a character!! on the surface he definitely seems to fall under the standard BL uke tropes of being clumsy and looking pretty and stuck in a love triangle as the shared obj of affection but from the very beginning you already know he’s not a pushover but he just seems like that bc he doesn’t really have or express strong opinions. a lot of BLs tend to have the shared obj of affection be like oh nooo i can’t pick bw the 2 of them... but i mean from the start sunny doesn’t want to be w young and his fear of backlash and change is what motivates his secret-keeping from taesung... also throughout the story they imply that he’s a good match for taesung who canonly likes action stuff by being someone who actually likes high-energy activities/vibes. tl;dr sunny is generally a good character who also has a lot of foreshadowing done for him to reveal aspects of his personality that contribute to the story

anyway onto my thoughts that i had during this specific readthrough

jaeyoon. anyone who read my prev review for this manhwa knows that i had beef w how they used him during the conclusion to young and sunny’s relationship. i now realize that maybe they DID actually give him a face reveal during his wedding when young and sunny split off to chat with a friend each and the friend who spoke to sunny was actually jaeyoon himself... BUT YOU GOTTA FUCKING SAY THAT!! i suspected they were the same guy bc of the hair color and them always hiding jaeyoon’s face until that “random” moment where they give this character who looks like him a face but like i was never sure... no offense to the author or anything but i think you have to put in-text that it’s jaeyoon and not assume readers will know based on your art that it’s him... there are too many side characters who show up so it’s not like we’ve ONLY seen taesung/sunny/young so far so now this 4th person who shows up has to be jaeyoon... i mean maybe other readers ID-ed it as him w no issue esp since he shows up being like ��dude...’ when that other friend is like ‘well jaeyoon was in rehab and stuff’ but i personally think it should’ve been mentioned in-text esp since that face reveal wasn’t nearly dramatic enough to 100% capture readers’ attentions.

otherwise i think the fact that jaeyoon and taesung are similar is a great plot point. jaeyoon was clearly the only friend in that group who saw young and sunny’s relationship accurately so i’m glad sunny had at least one GOOD friend then. jaeyoon is implied to be someone who takes care of others similar to taesung (even if it’s only sunny he dotes over the most) too. other than young’s general possessiveness of sunny, them being similar also explains why young saw jaeyoon as such a threat. but yeah unfortunately i still don’t think it was handled as well as it could have been.

young’s explanation for his behavior towards sunny... i hesitate to say it was the standard “villain redemption” but tbf i think it was a good explanation for his actions even if it felt a little too clean of a conclusion (young letting go of sunny so easily and also apparently realizing and accepting how damaging he was to him). i say it’s partially redeeming bc it shows that young was kind of trapped in such a specific and damaging way of thinking abt life that it affected how he treated sunny but it’s also not really redeeming him bc like. be normal man lol you don’t have to be like that to others.

separate but related note but young’s mindgaming of taesung... when he was like oh everything abt sunny seo you like is bc of me... like DAMN that’s evil and good (writing-wise). although the thing is that young and sunny also haven’t interacted apparently for 5 years so i mean you do have to realize that by the time taesung reunites w him, sunny has developed enough of an individual personality so it’s not ALL young’s shit. 

in my last review i said i felt like i wanted more of young and sunny’s history... tbh i think they gave us enough actually. all we really need to know is that they’ve known each other for a very long time and that young manipulated sunny enough during an impressionable time (young age, college. ppl know how college can be lol) that sunny felt that young was the only one for him. i was actually surprised jaeyoon’s story/details came up so quick in the story (i think it showed up in the 1st half of the manhwa) but i think it was a good point bc the story had to move on to the middle/2nd half of sunny and taesung trying to get their relationship to work. past me was also apparently looking for this scene in the bar apparently where young explains his “reasons” to taesung lol

not really much to say this time abt the hosung x young endgame. still don’t think they should’ve done it or had hosung have unrequited feelings but whatever i guess. tbh i didn’t really realize/connect until this time around that hosung actually was in freelancing art/publishing which was why taesung had him look at sunny’s work lol... i think last time that part in the epilogue hadn’t been translated yet so i just didn’t have the room to make the connection maybs

the epilogue ending... so i actually never read the epilogue ending or at least its eng translation, and i was like hell yea at the full circle shit w sunny being like ‘oh the cherry blossom petals are falling just like when i first met taesung in the infirmary’ but then the ch kept going w taesung and sunny on the beach... idk i think ending it literally at sunny being like ‘w you i feel alive’ was such an abrupt ending... like maybe if they added another panel of them smiling at each other it could’ve been fine but if the author was running low on time i honestly think they could’ve ended it at the scene of sunny accepting his contest award

also when sunny was like ‘yeah lol all my classmates at the children’s book program also get sick all the time’.... i was like bruh this author is prob speaking from actual experience lmao

the other thing abt the ending that was a little random was the quick aside abt taesung’s mom being against their relationship... i mean it was a reference to the mom wanting taesung to get married in the main story but then they dropped it and then suddenly brought it back up again... randomly adding that taesung had a sister who was his contact w their mom... like i get it, it wraps up the loose end of his mom but wow i was uh ok random ch abt potential family conflicts. also where are sunny’s parents lol but that would’ve been too much to get into too regardless of homophobia or not lol

overall it’s still a pretty solid manhwa. stuff proceeds at a good pace and the conflicts/misunderstandings make sense. i said before it’s kinda like a love triangle but it’s really not which works w me bc i don’t like love triangles that much (they stress me out lol); it’s also good bc young is clearly toxic for sunny and it’s good that sunny knows that rather than sunny being like “oh i know he’s bad but also... hmm maybe i can overlook it”. the manhwa’s not perfect -- i still get the sense the writing could be better even if i can’t really enunciate why -- but enough details are tied together that there’s nothing major i have to extrapolate bw (like i can overlook the jooyeon mishap even though it legit threw me off the 1st time i read through). also yes i know the manhwa is based off of a game w characters essentially already established but my understanding is that the author/artist essentially had to write up a lot of the actual story themselves even if they had a general plotline provided to follow

also the final author’s note abt the author personally preferring fucked up stories... when i started rereading i was like wait isn’t this the same artist for that one manhwa where the characters look like the k!lling st@lking? mains and even if i didn’t remember i would’ve realized w that author’s note lol. i think fortunately for them that sunny isn’t an entirely “pure” character so they had enough room to make him a little more twisted.

[ohwhatamessiam]

Self Control - Chapter 12

Summary: The end of the semester is upon you, but the drama is not done yet! 

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans X TA!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k+

Warnings: Language, uncomfortable feelings, and maybe some secondhand embarrassment. 

A/N: Hi y’all! I’m back much sooner than intended, but you know, quarantine and social distancing dictate life now! There’s 1 chapter left in Self Control, and if you’re lucky, I might spring an epilogue on ya (we’ll see how the next month or so goes)! Thank you to @fangirlisms-22​ for beta’ing my sudden writing binge. I tried to tag everyone, but some blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or won’t let me tag them. Let me know if you need me to change your url on my list. Here’s the Spotify playlist for the entire fic.

I love feedback, so send me your thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc!

Tags are still barely open for this story, so send me an ask here to be added to it or my permanent list!

Self Control | Masterlist

You had no idea how much two weeks could change your life. 

You and Chris had barely spoken to one another, only given polite greetings when running into each other at the office. The rest of your communication was through email. 

And Robert had sent the story you were working on from before break to a few of his friends and former students at literary magazines. The story you had started during break was becoming more of a means of therapy, a confessional of your relationship with Chris. And it was helping you process what happened.

It was the last day of classes, and the last day before semester papers were due. The assignment was for the students to choose their favorite story or writer of the semester and then to expand upon what they learned in that specific unit. Whatever specific story or person they chose, they were supposed to research who else has used it as inspiration for work since. It could be modern television or film, or another story or author that was influenced. And then they had to explain why they chose that subject. What made them interested enough to do further research upon it, and how it might affect their future consumption of art and literature.

It was a relatively open-ended subject and for the first time the whole semester, students were actually using your office hours.

And one student in particular who’d been giving you the cold shoulder turned up. 

Tom.

He’s perched on the edge of the seat across from you, his laptop on the ground as his hands dig through articles he’d photocopied at the library. He’d chosen Keats as his essay topic, and knowing that you also held a soft spot for Keats, he wanted your opinion. 

And the deadline was approaching dangerously quickly.

“So I covered all the adaptations and inspired works, and his legacy. And I wrote about how his work is going to change my perception of poetry moving forward. I just think I’m struggling with why Keats was my favorite unit this semester.”

“That’s okay, sometimes when you get so used to academic writing, it becomes hard to write about yourself, and your own feelings. But putting sources and quotes aside to examine your own mental processes is an important part of literature and writing.”

“Okay, I understand that. But I don’t think that my honest answer about why I took an interest in Keats is appropriate for this paper.”

“If you’re worried about Chris or I reading something personal, you don’t have to be. Anything you write will be private. We won’t say anything to anyone.”

Your mind wanders to what could make Tom so worried. Did it have to do with family or his childhood? Keats had a difficult and tragedy filled childhood. Did it have to do with Keats dying so young, or the discussion of his possible addiction to opium?

His eyes drop to the folder on his legs, his fingers picking at the edges of its pages. “Are you sure?” You nod but his nerves aren’t done. “My reasoning might not be very appropriate for an academic setting.”

“Tom,” you say, your eyes softening as you watch him. “Your reasoning doesn’t have to be an expansive philosophical or literary reason. It can be, but it can also just be as simple as you liked his poems. That you found his life tragic but fascinating. Or that the words and rhyme schemes were pretty or interesting.” His eyes meet yours, the edges of his mouth ticking up the slightest bit. “Don’t overthink it. Just be honest with yourself and the text.”

He nods, letting out a deep breath. “Okay, (Y/N). I will be honest. And I’m going to try to trust you and Prof. Evans.”

“Thank you.” You give him a short nod, showing your gratitude in a punctuated fashion. He watches you for another moment, his brown eyes searching for something. But then he gulps and stops. His fingers place his materials back in his bag. 

You sit up in your chair a little, almost saddened that your time with him is up. It was nice speaking with someone who didn’t look at you with desperation (because of finals) or pity (because of Chris). Tom’s thoroughly preparedness had made this the most interesting and easy conversation in weeks.

He packs his bag quietly and you let him. He’s a student, no matter how much you appreciate this time with him, there are clear boundaries. You will not cross them. After everything, that’s something you’re damn sure of.

At your door he pauses and says thank you. You give him a small smile, “You’ve done well this semester. I look forward to reading your paper, Tom.”

He cracks a smile, and you notice the slight rosiness that colors his cheeks. He raps his knuckles against your door for the last time this semester, and then he goes. 

A pang of guilt lands in your gut, but you don’t know what to do with it yet. His blush probably meant nothing, he was just flattered. But that guilt stays nestled there, a reminder of what has happened, and a warning about what’s to come.

_______________________________________________________________________

Finals pass without a hitch, for both you and your students. You’re able to read the final papers from your apartment, away from any pity or other heavy feelings. You and Chris had decided to randomly split up the workload so you could get through them quickly and give thorough feedback. But final grades are due on Tuesday and you plan on going into your office to enter them and pick up the last few things you’ll need for next semester.

You get to your office in the afternoon Monday, hoping to miss Chris who said he’d come in early if any students wanted to dispute any last grades with him.

You did not end up with Tom’s paper in your final stack, and you wonder what he ended up writing for the rest of it. You’ve been in your office for almost two hours when you decide you’ll let your nosiness win, and you find Tom’s submission online. As you're opening the file, a heavy knock echoes from your door.

He speaks before you get the chance to look up, “Uh (Y/N)?” The way he says your name reaches your skin, your pulse, well before you find the strength to see him. You close your eyes for a moment, letting out a shallow breath before you answer.

“What can I do for you, Chris?” 

He’s still the Chris you first met, clean, crisp lines composing his appearance. The Chris he might have always been. Maybe you just got a private viewing of him, a show for only your eyes. Maybe your Chris was a piece that he never let out. Maybe just an alias. A way to distance his actions from who everyone thought he was. 

There is no trace of your soft or rumpled time together.

His eyes catch yours, and there’s something there. A pain, a distance, a longing. But it goes away.

And then he’s stepping into your office, “I wanted to ask you something privately?” He closes the door behind himself, but remains standing.

Does he want to get back together? Is he going to divorce Jennifer? Is he ready to choose you?

With your mind running wild, you make a conscious effort to clasp your hands together and keep your face blank, eyes steady.

“What is it?”

“Have you read Tom’s final paper yet?”

All that hope, gone. A pang of annoyance settles in your core. And it’s accompanied by that hint of guilt.

“I have not. Since you graded it, I didn’t need to.”

“Well… I think you should.” There was something in his eyes again, a spark nearly indicating intensity or concern.

“Okay, um. I’ll take a look at it.” You do not tell him you already have it open. You skim the first page, finding nothing but brief analysis and lots of references. “So far, there’s nothing unusual here. It’s a solid paper.”

“Keep going.” The tension of him standing in your office, waiting for you to finish reading agitates your nerves. Your eyes flick to his, but there’s something else mixed in with his previous intensity. There’s an edge, a little too sharp to ignore.

You keep reading. The second page is finished, and it’s literally everything you two had already discussed. The third page is where things get interesting. 

Tom wrote that he enjoyed the lyricism of Keats, but what really cemented the poet as his favorite was his TA. 

You.

He wrote that since Keats was one of your favorites, he paid more attention to it. That he saw you view Keats’ work as beautiful, giving it a reverence that he argued Keats should even be honored to have. That he looked up to your opinion and your interests, and that’s how he fell in love with the poetry.

Heat spreads across your chest, your face. You’re honored, but also, this is not what you expected from Tom. You look down from his paper, trying to search your mind for any conversations you had with him that would indicate that he was paying too much attention to you. And unfortunately, it’s there. So is the guilt you felt the last time you saw him. 

But you know nothing happened here. You would have never entertained anything more than your positions in this academic institution allowed.

“Seems like he really learned a lot from you this semester.” The edge is there, and this time you can identify it. Humor.

“What are you trying to say?” Your words come out more defensive than you intend.

“(Y/N). This kid has a crush on you. Hell, in his hormonal mind, maybe more. Did you know?”

You shake your head. “No. No, if he has a crush on me, that’s his business. I was nothing but kind and open to Tom, but I didn’t know about this.” Truly, you’re referring to the paper more than Tom’s supposed crush.

The humor leaves him. “Kind and open? Are those two things strictly professional?”

The warmth of your skin turns into something worse, anger. “They were. I would never cross that line with a student.”

His hands brace his body as he leans onto your desk. His face mere inches from yours. “But you’d cross it with me? Your colleague and your boss.”

His words hit you like a slap. You flinch in response. How dare he insinuate that you might be a problem here, a repeat offender of an inappropriate relationship. 

You want to yell at him, to let your rage out. But instead, you put on your best passive aggressive smirk. You remind yourself of everything that’s happened. He doesn’t get to see you angry or upset anymore. He gets a civil, bare minimum now.

“I will repeat it. If Tom has a crush on me, that is his business. I know he dropped by my office hours pretty often this semester, but I figured my hours fit his schedule better. And no. I was not crossing any boundaries with him. I would not do that.”

He opens his mouth, his eyes clouding with a hint of regret.

“And I don’t know if you noticed, but I’ve been pretty occupied trying to hide a different relationship all semester. I didn’t have the time to consider Tom as anything but a student, when most of my time was occupied by someone else.”

The guilt you felt before dissipates, but Chris’ downturned lips and furrowed brow just indicates that it has found another home. 

“I’m sorry (Y/N).” He sighs and pulls back from your desk. “I know. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Well, you can’t take it back.” Even though every ounce of you wishes he could. Hell, you wish you could take back this entire interaction. That he had never walked to your door. “So let’s just move on.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

Yeah, he’d been doing that without you for a while. 

“I don’t know how you want to handle this situation though,” he adds, still standing over you. “If you want to talk to Robert or call Tom in to talk to-“

“Robert doesn’t need to be involved. Tom may have crossed a line into a personal territory, but he’s never acted upon his feelings. So there’s no need for administrative intervention.”

“Are you sure?”

“Chris,” you sigh. You know what you’re going to say next will hurt and may not be completely true, but you don’t need your professional reputation questioned again. “I already lied for your sake once this semester. You could return the favor by keeping this to yourself.”

“I don’t kn-”

“Don’t put a target on Tom’s back.” Your voice comes out strong, authoritatively. You’re settling this now. “I remember being his age and getting dumb crushes on TAs. It doesn’t mean anything, and it doesn’t need to be mentioned again.”

He freezes in front of you, fully taking you in. Maybe he only got little pieces of you this semester too. Maybe it was time you both saw each other for who you fully were. 

“Okay.” He nods to himself, letting out a deep breath. “Okay.”

He stays stuck in that spot, accepting your argument.

“So, if that’s settled…” you begin. But his hands squeeze together and his eyes focus on the edge of your desk again. You watch him, wondering what would cause him to look as lost as he did the last time he had been in your office.

“I uh, I wanted to tell you something else.” His blue eyes are back on you, and there’s that twinkle again. Is it longing or pain? Just the fraying of his nerves? You don’t say anything, just let his gaze burn through you, waiting for him to work up the courage. 

“I’ve been writing again.” Sebastian had told you he’d been writing when you two were together. You hoped selfishly that he’d stopped when he went back to Jennifer, but apparently not. “The novel I’m working on. It- it’s inspired by some of what happened this semester.”

So you weren’t the only one working through your feelings with writing. But your writing had been vague. It was different characters, different situations, just some of the same emotions and complications. What was he using from the last 4 months? You’d made it through your affair without ruining your career here. Hopefully, he wouldn’t blow your life up with some story about you two now. 

When you don’t answer, he turns his back to you. His breath comes ragged, he’s worried. “I just thought you should know.” 

“As long as you don’t use my name, or anything too specific, I guess that’s fine. I can’t stop you.”

He turns back quickly, his eyes wide. He must not have expected you to let this go so easily. But you can’t blame him for using the same coping mechanism as you are.

“I don’t even know if it’ll turn into anything important. I just didn’t want it to be a surprise if it did.” 

“That’s fine.”

He leans onto your desk again, making sure his eyes are level with yours. They’re so earnest, it hurts. There’s a piece of him there that you used to see so often. That you used to think was yours. 

But it had been three weeks. And it makes it a little worse knowing you might never see that sincerity again. 

“I’ll make sure if it does go somewhere, that you get to see it first. I owe you that much.”

You nod, your eyes trained on him. He doesn’t look away. 

The intensity between you two is still there, pulling you toward each other. But you said you were done with that. You couldn’t change his decision, and it seemed he hadn’t taken it back either. 

His face moves to you, his mouth nearly on your own. You hadn’t been this close since before Thanksgiving break. You can feel his breath on your lips, it tickles your skin. The person you were before break would have used his mouth to relieve the itch. But that’s not who you are anymore. 

You pull back from him, putting the necessary distance between you two. He stands up straight, his expression somewhere between confused and upset. 

You tell yourself something very important in the moment: he doesn’t get to be upset that you’ve changed. And you don’t get to be upset anymore that he wouldn’t. All that is past you.

“Thank you, Chris.” You say loudly, but without malice. “If you have nothing else to add, I think we’re done here.”

“Of course,” he whispers. He closes his eyes, and the next time he opens them, all those previous emotions are gone. Like no part of the last several minutes happened. He leaves your office door open, just as it had been when he’d come in. 

And as you look up, you notice two sets of eyes watching you from the hallway. It is Elizabeth, and her friend and fellow grad student, Letitia. They watch you with pity. You want to be done with that. You force a smile to them, and then close your office door.

_______________________________________________________________________

Two hours later, all the final grades are submitted, and your stomach aches for something to eat. After the day you’ve had, maybe you’ll pick up Italian on your way home. You deserve large amounts of wine and pasta.

As you’re walking on the path to the parking lot, the sun setting around you, you hear feet pound against the pavement behind you. Looking over your shoulder, you see Sebastian jogging toward you. ‘Hey (Y/N),” he calls out. You slow your pace so he can catch up. 

He takes a moment to catch his breath, his hair is all messed up. The soft and fluffy look works for him. But then you chide yourself for noticing that. 

Once he composes himself, there’s an apologetic smile smeared across it. “Look, I’m sorry about how I acted toward you at Thanksgiving. I didn’t know what was going on with you and Chris.”

If you’re done with the pity, you’re done with this too. “Don’t mention it, Seb.” He grins at you, his eyes crinkling as his apologetic face disappears. “Yeah, I’m trying out the nickname.”

“Good. But are you sure? I was absolutely a dumbass about you two this semester.”

“Sebastian. It’s over. I’m done with Chris. I’m walking into winter break ready to be done with this last semester. I’m ready for something new.” He watches you, his eyes wide. He must notice that you're serious because he settles into a nod.  

“Okay. I’m right there with you. My semester has been messy too.”

You quirk a brow at him, wondering how messy his semester could have been compared to yours. What, was he living up to his reputation by sleeping with his TA too? Or did Chris say that to scare you away from him?

“Look, I’m going to tell you a secret, (Y/N). And when I meant messy, I meant messy.” You watch him as he looks around the campus to see if anyone is nearby. “I know Chris has already suspected part of it, but while he was with you, Jennifer was with me.”

Instinct takes over and you slap his arm. 

“Hey, they were on a break. And she’d been flirting with me for a whole year!”

You want to be mad at him for him sleeping with his friend’s wife. He violated a serious code of friendship. But for some reason you can’t. And you’re feeling something dangerously close to relief.

You can’t stop yourself, you laugh, loudly. If anyone else had been around, their lives would have been interrupted by the sound.

“I can’t tell if you’re taking this well.”

You smile at him genuinely. “I am actually. And I feel almost sort of, relieved?”

“Oh, have my fuck ups made yours feel less bad?” You wouldn’t have called your relationship with Chris a full fuck up. You didn’t regret it like that. But Sebastian wasn’t wrong. You reach the parking lot where your cars are and he turns on his heels. He gives you a little bow, “I’m so happy my stupidity could be of service.” 

You pull your keys out, ready to unlock your car. “Thank you for that, Sebastian.”

“By the way, keep working on that.” He leaves your side as he heads for his vehicle.

“Working on what?”

He unlocks his car from his key fob as he pivots. “My nickname. I want to make sure you have it down for next semester.”

“Is it really that important?”

He gives you the most devious smile you’ve ever seen from him. And from the time you’d spent together, he’d given you many. “It is to me. I prefer that all my TA’s are comfortable enough to treat me as a friend.”

Your jaw drops. You hadn’t heard who Robert was pairing you up with for next semester. You knew it wouldn’t be Chris, but you’d been hoping that he might give you a semester off of assisting.

This time his laugh rang out through the campus. 

“Yes (Y/N). Take the break to recharge and prepare. We’re gonna have a hell of a time teaching creative writing next semester.”

_______________________________________________________________________

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[theorynexus]

50.

Before returning to liveblogging, I’d just like to say that the organization I used for the Aspects (3 sets of 4, with Freedom, Fate, and Mixed categories) in my last post is one of many different possible ways of categorizing the Aspects.  Their nature is complex, and they individually preside over such broad aspects of reality that any one system of dividing among them is not necessarily going to capture all the nuances and connections to be found between them. The one way that is known canon to organize among these would be the Aspect Pair system, which, as one can see due to the way I described the four categories, is not mutually exclusive with the schema which I utilized in the post. To clarify: I mostly chose this particular way of organizing the Aspects for my counter to Dirk’s train of inquiry for the sake of showing that while many of the Aspects lend themselves to a Fate reading, Free Will is just as well supported. ...

***snickers***    Well, that’s certainly one way to describe the blurring resulting from the intermingling of numerous shards of her soul which is now occurring. On a side note:  It is very interesting that his control is ongoing in pseudo-real time, for his frame of reference, and that his ego is so narrowed/focused at the moment (possibly as a result of the difficulty in maintaining narrative control?) that he can possibly have such slips as a result of distraction on his part. I wonder if Rose not speaking is more a result of the general narrative pause that he is implying might happen if he is not focusing (unlikely, considering all indications are time flow continues) or his manipulation/entanglement of Rose.

How benevolent of him. That said:  Yes, indeed, what he is saying does make quite a bit of sense, especially with the tense “could have been,” suggesting that this is a matter of present and past intermingling, such that the future selves that split off from at least her current main node of being (from her perspective) are not integrated preemptively, for that would probably skew their creation, mess with possibility, et cetera.        Moreover, what he is saying with regards to the psyche needing to be at a certain level of strength very much makes sense, as well. His own is only capable of this because of his Unbreakable Soul personal trait, most likely. He cracks, splinters, bends, but doesn’t fully break~ (And no, I don’t think that Dave being able to cut his Unbreakable Sword suggests that this is no longer the case; rather, it is most likely a sign that he achieved greater mastery of his soul and was able to divest its connection with the sword temporarily, showing an increased degree of flexibility on his part.)

I don’t entirely trust this, insofar as I am not entirely sure Rose is ready to open them, but if Dirk is being truthful as far as his intentions go, at the very least this suggests that his agenda of “becoming a single god” might be more benevolent insofar as it might be more local (meaning specific to him).   If that is so, it could explain the discrepancy that seemed to crop up with Rose being able to actually talk/think in presumably her own (that is to say, deviant from Dirk’s) manner / persona, and might suggest he at least intends for this measure to be temporary.

Hmmm. Well, this all makes it seem somewhat sinister again, insofar as “what I want her to see” could be interpreted as being “only” what he wants for her to see, and the antagonistic “martyr” comment a moment before makes that vibe a bit stronger; however, I DO think that she at least eventually needs/needed to have opened her eyes for the sake of her cohesion and development, so I am quite conflicted on this matter, and in my opinions of it. (Note: I think she needs this because she’s presently quite restricted and narrowed in her field of vision, for her expanded Vision as a Seer of Light is being constantly resisted by her, and thus she is essentially putting blinders on to the burning rays of the sun.)

This could be interpreted both as dangerous, psychically subsuming, insinuating behavior on his part, or as the natural result of her Seer status making things happening seem like noise in her wider-opened consciousness.

Well, that’s a very interesting act of metaphorical/-physical manipulation. So very subtle and questionable and interesting~

LET’S TAKE A FIELD TRIP TO CANDYLAND!!!

That is a weird and silly way of viewing things.  Of course there can be regret. Humans agonize over things they can’t help/change all the time, dummy. :P

Yes, indeed, I do appreciate that spoiler protection, Narrator. Though perhaps a hint might have been more interesting. Perhaps a hint might still be yet to come. Indeed, though: it is likely that no change would happen while I was gone, if I randomly flipped to the equivalent page, Candy 25, and looked back.   I will not do so, regardless of the temptation.

***chorus of Cherubic laughter***     Negatives and positives. Very interesting, indeed.  For some reason, I am suddenly struck with a desire to know whether and/or how these epilogues might intermingle in Homestuck^2, should it be a direct sequel to them.

Now... that is a particularly interesting manner of describing things. I wonder: does this describe the uncertainty/opacity that was naturally supposed to emerge from the narrative End of Homestuck gap in the works that allowed for the escape out of canon in the first place? The “blend ingredients responsibly” comment probably refers to the fact that Lord English presented the primary force that insisted on there being a single Alpha Timeline that, regardless of the retcons, Scratches, and narrative loop-de-loops required to reach its conclusion, ensured his ascension and the natural progression of his being, within Canon.    Presumably, outside of Canon, reentry might be both possible and required in order to maintain the balance of that narrative shell that protects the rest of meta-textual reality from LE’s ire-filled gaze, and thus there are multiple “pathways of promise” that have equivalent legitimacy, and which can simultaneously take place, so long as one of them actually leads to LE’s most important battles’ proper conclusions.     A similar situation to this actually happened in Homestuck’s canon, with the splitting of Vriska, though I’m sure you knew that already.   Of course, only one timeline in this scenario actually successfully left to the exit of canon, along with the kids’ victory state, and presumably the situation is now majorly different. Anyway: I do again wonder how these two main branches shall combine and/or split off in the future-- what sort of interactions they might have~

I am very curious what actual mechanics might have led to this particular sweet and rancorous set of circumstances being forced into being. Is it just random chance that leads to this “irresponsible” outcome?   Is it a necessary sacrifice for the narrative “oomph” to oppose Lord English, in order for the measure of wills to be balanced?   Very curious, generally.

Wow, indeed that sounds incredible. Also ominous. Particularly the use of “bleed,” and the contrast of majesty+disheveled, light and shadow.

Somewhat creepy, but okay.  (I guess the fact that Doc Scratch was a creepy uncle figure always meant that Dirk was intended to be creepy like this, to some extent.)   That said:  Indeed, I agree that this is probably very reflective of her true/Ultimate self.

Again, somewhat creepy.  Additionally: Interesting that he seems uncertain-- unable to truly penetrate her mind, just then --and that this comes across almost as him reassuring himself.

I do truly appreciate this semi-blind, selfish desire of his.   Truly, that is one of the greatest needs of the thinking being: acknowledgement. 

That is a very complex thought. It certainly will be her, but it will be more. Regardless, as will have been elaborated upon by the later passages: she absolutely needs to let go if she is to survive. Her physical form is dying, and the only choice is to either perish, or to allow herself to naturally develop as her godly self is naturally designed to.  While there is technically a choice, as is the case with The Choice that the Denizens present, there is really not much of one to begin with. She will know what is right in her heart, when the choice is made, and her own character will not have permitted her to turn another way.  The only question is if there’s a third option. I would just like to say that Dirk’s statement of “better” is somewhat untrue, likely. There are likely positives and negatives of the choice-- things Rose will have to sacrifice in order to make it work.  Thus, while her Greater Self will be better in some ways, she may well be deficient in others.

Her earlier statement, as I laid out earlier, was in fact incorrect. That said, it is indeed necessary to have abandoned humanity at the point.  Whether or not it was additionally necessary to break down quite all those barriers is another matter. I would suspect that this is in fact not the case.   I do wonder: shall individuality between the two of them actually buckle with the entanglement of their being on a psychic level?     For some reason, I suspect that their cores shall in fact remain somewhat unfused. However, this is mostly intuition, based on the fact that he is/intends to struggle to maintain her physical body for at least a while, yet.   We shall see how things truly turn out, either way.

***lip curls into a snarl***     What disgusting, wretched nonsense.   That kind of verbiage directly contradicts your desire for an understanding equal, Narrator.   Why does your intelligence have to outstrip your wisdom to such a degree?    ***sighs***

Yes. Yes, it does.  Whilst it is not such a linear or meta-stable structure as might otherwise be thought, anyone knowing the nature of Narrative should be aware of the key time-based interactions which allow it to function. I am beginning to absolutely loathe Dirk’s arrogance. ~~~ Post Script Note:  It is very interesting to see the “You” at the end, there, for it could represent Rose, rather than the Reader, at this moment, and the aforementioned blurring of their consciousnesses which I suggested some time ago. 

[the-house-of-the-nine]

In Depths Below: Epilogue, Part 7

Simultaneously…  & Three Days after The Masquerade Massacre… 

“…Well we cannot certainly sit here any longer wondering whether or not we have some secret we’re missing.”  Verzatea stammered out as she slowly sat down in her council chair and peered around the room.

The council chamber was filled to the brim with people in this moment.  Marseille and Kross were positioned near the head of the table, the vacant seat of the Inquisitor between them.  They were on either side of it, mostly because it was where Kross always stood; and now the pale old elf had taken his place behind the Matron.  

Siida, who kept the company of both Zoei and Marseille with her nearly at all times was right beside the chair of her brother.  The huntress on her other side.  Marseille had his hands planted firmly on the back of her chair at the arch and his eyes would peer around the room looking at the council.

Around the room from there it would be Sennaris; she was often times unavailable due to her being gone for so long in the Honeywell estate.  But ‘Sara’ was dead now, and she no longer needed to suffer that life; she could again reclaim her place here.

Following around the horseshoe shaped table would be the various faces of the Order.  Silas and Aconite who were two of Asphodels former tranquil subjects had remained behind when she abdicated her Speaker position.  She allowed them to stay, mostly because they were fond of Kross and Abbigael.  Who to mention was also present beside them; the blonde elven female eagerly concerned for her masters fate.

Brox sat not too far from them, his feet on the table as usual; puffing away on his ceramic pipe that was jammed full of hallucinogenic herb no doubt.   He would billow out puffs of smoke as he watched on.

On the opposite direction, directly next to Lazarius’ throne was Pyravari.  She would always sit at her brothers right.

“The mongrel dog is dead.  Anything we could have learned from him came when the spell he’d cast on Siida was turned on himself.  He knew nothing.  I for one am glad she ended his miserable life.  The man was a fucking nuisance.”

“Nuisance or not, Pyravari… we’re still without an answer.”  Siida added as she listened to the hate filled speech of her sister.

“He didn’t have anything more to add, and that makes him useless to us. Had you held back, he would still be breathing.  One less life form wasting valuable oxygen for the rest of you.” she snapped back instantly.

“This is not why we are here; nor is it why we are gathered.  Of course we all agree that Dawnseeker out of the way ends an inevitable threat to all of us but..”

Sennaris quickly interjected.  Her reasoning sound and her voice tranquil and calm as she continued.

“We are here to determine our next course of action… to find a way to locate my Ma…Lazarius.”

“The Compeller is correct.  The point we must remain on is what to do next.” Marseille added in.

“It may be plaus-thable, though highly unlikely that I could perhap-ths manufacture a device from the blood within the Pit.  There is a s-thixty s-theven perc-thent chanc-the that I could probably locate him without des-thtroying the Bas-thtille and all of us-th in the process… “

At that point everyone had looked across the table at Whistletorque.

“What?” he said bewildered. “Thos-the are great odds-th!”

“Whether or not it can be done is mute.  Currently we are without several key components to our arsenal.  Koltun has opted to begin taking care of the Alliance problems down within Silithus.  And both Lokiren and Baron Krazzlowe are preoccupied ensuring what little Azerite remains, stays in tact.”

Kross had begun talking as everyone else continued to circle the facts.

“Sending all of us out to scan the planet in order to locate on person is an impossible feat…”

“Not imposs-thible.”

“..and impossible feat.  I think we need to consider what we do know and that is wherever the Inquisitor is currently, we know he is alive… we know he is not in the clutches of the Magistrate…and he is no doubt trying to find a way back to us.” the Steward finished.

“And what if…what if he is somewhere worse?” Siida suggested.

“We just don’t know and can’t think about that Siida.” concluded Kross.

“What if he is with the Alliance?  or worse, the Horde? Thinking he is some Ren’dorei spy?”  she went on, her worrying growing deeper as her thoughts ran.

Marseille would lower his hands and place them on her shoulders to calm her.

“I have prepared already to send an entire fleet out to begin looking, and Koltun has agreed that whatever Illidari have remained here under my command are to go through me.  We can have two hundred soliders and infiltrators tracking Lazarius down, with boots on the ground …tonight.” Pyravari demanded slamming her Saronite gauntlet against the wood grain of the table.

“We cannot just go looking randomly across the world for him.”  Sennaris jumped back in.

“I will ascend to the surface right now and walk the tundras until my legs tear off looking for him if I need to!” the Harbinger shouted back.

“Logic Pyravari…calm your nerves.”  Kross took his chance to try and quell the rage building in the twin. “We need direction and focus.”

“Despite her rash approach, I agree and I’ve already informed the Scholary that we have an equal amount of witches and spellcasters scrying and searching from here to Pandaria by daybreak.” added Verzatea; she was in charge of them after all, though she and Pyravari did not always get along, here they did.

“Pandaria…That… would not be a bad idea in fact.”  Marseille suggested as he looked toward the Confessor.

Everyone peered in the direction of the pale old elf.  What point was he trying to make.

“Explain?” Pyravari demanded; she was always the first to set the bar high, always the first to pick out a possible point when it was made.

“Of course. . .” answered the Shal’dorei with a bowed head. “Kun-Lai…we return there, where this all began.  Between Zoei and myself, we’re excellent trackers.  We will need air support, some sort of ability to scry for him…it could be done.  Track him from the source.”

It was hard to believe but it was honestly the only real plan they had to work from.  And much to everyone’s shock, they actually liked the idea.  Eyes would turn from the Shade as they sought to gain some sort of council from one another, but nothing.  They all seemed to agree.  All save for her.

“And how certain are you that you can actually track him if you do actually get there.”  replied the lich fired Harbinger as she narrowed her field toward the man.

“There is no guarantee.  But my Master is keen.  He is also wise.  I have been thinking in depth about what it would mean to be him; trapped in a situation like this.  Meditated for hours on end; trying to determine a possible way he could have been letting us know all this time.” the old elf halted in his words as he thought on what he’d gained from it.

Siida peered back around her chair toward the Shal’dorei and questioned.

“What…what is it Marseille.” she said softly.

“He expects us to know what he is living through…what he is suffering from…and how he is dying…slowly…” the old elf concluded.

Shocked, everyone seemed to be wondering if he’d hit his head.  If it was just a slightly off beat method of thinking.

“Are you fucking mad? Is this a sick joke?” Pyravari stood from the table and pointed toward the man. “You spill out that sort of incoherent kodo fodder like we’re supposed to eat it?”

“Pyravari plea–” Siida pleaded but was cut off short.

“No, not this time sister!” the Saronite banshee hissed. “Explain yourself Shade!”

Marseille was smiling at her easily riled tendencies, but then again; he knew it was expected for saying it.  He knew how she cared for her twin; her passion here was actually quiet impressive.

“Logically think about it…”  he concluded, pointing toward the open chair.

Again there was silence as the wise elf stood there waiting for someone to understand him.

“The entity bound to him.  The way he is.  The entropy of his own system fails consistently every day leaving bits of residue behind.  There has got to be a trail for us to latch on to.  A way to detect his magical bio-signature.  Some sort of path leading us around from where he was. . .”  Marseille then motioned toward the door; as if directing two points where Lazarius could have been. “To where he ended up…somewhere between…we should be able to find a clue.”

“Westley.”  Pyravari snapped as she drew her attention suddenly over toward the little gnomish doctor.

“Harbinger!” he squawked to attention, standing in his chair and looking toward her.

“What is he saying.” she added, thumbing a clawed digit in the direction of Marseille.

“Well…” he began. “Bas-thically…becaus-the Laz-tharius-th is cons-thtantly interacting with the void on the molecular level.  That means-th there is-th a way to lock onto that s-thignature and locate what he was-th doing and where he was-th.”

The lich fire blue hues of the cold ice queen would glanced between the two men.  Her doubts were solid, but if Whistletorque could follow it, she could trust him.  She had taken a liking to this particular gnome, and no others.

“So…possible.”

“Poss-thible but very tricky.  Even if we could detect his-th bio s-thignature, I can’t even begin to promis-the that the trail or res-thidue left over would read out; it could be nano digits-th at this point.  But, I can forgo the blood devic-the and begin cons-thtructing a means-th to locate the particles of energy Laz-tharius-th is leaving behind… maybe a s-theventy perc-thent chance…maybe.”  the gnome concluded as he sat back down.

“If the doctor can formulate only a simple means to do so…It could be done.  I will personally see to that.  And from there, allow the trackers to track.  And the eyes to see.  Mouths to speak and ears to listen.  We fan out.  Find information and collect our data.”  Marseille had been right there to pick up the conversation.

“Not randomly…and not without a direction to move from.” the often quiet Confessor added as she was listening carefully.

“Correct.  We won’t have to waste valuable time needlessly looking where we should not be.” the pale elf ended.

“I will still send what forces we have available out to begin hunting around the area of that mountain and the lower altitudes while we wait.  Since it was where any of us last saw him, we start there.  Perhaps they never made it from the mainland.  Forced to land somewhere in the Valley…”  Pyravari had concluded and made a point..

“Yes, and I can make sure to divide the forces of scryers between your own and whatever Marseille needs.” added Verzatea; and for once they both agreed too.  There was no glaring, not need for bickering, just both accepted it and nodded.

“Then we are in agreement… this is is.  We start at the beginning and make our push to the end.”  came the wise old voice of the steward.  

“We organize, and have everything ready by daybreak.  Id like whoever is not going to be in the field to aid us, here; we would like to strive to get those odds a bit higher Doctor Whistletorque, and I am certain with a bit more time and ingenuity you could increase those odds to say . . maybe, ninety?” Pyravari added again, noting the doctor would perk up at her encouragement.

Kross was now standing at the front of the table beside where Lazarius’ chair was vacant.  His ghostly pale eyes peering from person to person.  His own gloved fingers tracing the magnificent serpent crescent along the arch of its top.  His thoughts were nearly always free floating, and hardly lingered; but this was their last chance.

There was a hanging silence that befell the group.  Each one of them knew secretly that the task at hand was even more far fetched and outlandish than they’d hoped it would have been.  They could pretend that it was their best option; but they all had to face the facts that were creeping up on them quickly.  Lazarius could very well just be somewhere trapped; able to survive due to his parasite, down a crack in the soil.  

It was inevitable though that one day; he would pass.  They would be alone.  And they would either crumble and fall or they would succeed.   Until that day actually came though, it would be up to these people in this room to stand tall and harden their willpower to ensure the rest of the people depending on their wisdom and prowess did not also lose faith and fall.

Each one of them rose.  Each one looking from left to right; passing along from person to person.  Each one of them understood.

“We don’t stop until this is over…” Pyravari cut through the silence with her cold tone. “We don’t stop…until we find him.”

They all nodded in agreement, and turned to exit the chamber of the Nine.   It was a somber walk, though filled with one dissolving shred of hope which still contained their optimism.  It was their only beacon.  Until the light of the hall broke their sacred meeting, and poured in on them like a rising sun.

They were stunned.  Shocked in awe as the figure of a man stepped into frame; behind him a towering slender curvy figure and a creature pair of sorts.  The collective group stood together against this set of persons; unsure who would be so bold as to interrupt their meeting.

“How dare you set foot in these hallowed chambers; give me one good reason I should not split you in half where you stand?!”  Pyravari snapped; she was at the forefront and her runeblade was drawn on an angle toward the intruder.

“It would make welcoming me home… all the more difficult I suppose…”  

A voice which shook the very walls around them and instantly caused the silence to break as the blade hit to floor along with the collective jaws of the order.

“LAZARIUS …”

The End…

[cromulentbookreview]

Spurlos Verschwunden

You know how you read an article online about scientists trying to find a ways to open portals to other worlds/parallel universes/the Upside Down/etc. and you immediately think: haven’t these scientists ever seen any movie or TV show ever made? They know that’s going to end badly, right? Right??

And by that, I mean: Before I Disappear by Danielle Stinson!

Seventeen-year-old Rose Montgomery, her mom Helen and her little brother Charlie have been living on the run for a long time. Rose and Charlie’s father disappeared when Charlie was still a baby and after that, things fell apart. Helen became depressed, and entered into a relationship with an abusive piece of shit referred to only as the Monster. Rose, Helen and Charlie fled the Monster, but he kept pursuing them farther and farther West. At the beginning of the novel, the Montgomerys are lying low in Nevada when Charlie, who has always been a bit strange, insists that the family move West to Fort Glory, Oregon for reasons Rose doesn’t quite understand. When she sees that the charity Hands for Hearths (a definite Habitat for Humanity expy) has an affiliate office in Fort Glory, she decides to go for it. All Rose wants for her family is a permanent home - someplace better than the ramshackle trailer in which they crossed the country. Hands for Hearths is her best hope.

Fort Glory isn’t just your average town on the Oregon Coast - it’s the site of DARC, the Deep Atomic Research Collider, Oregon’s answer to the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland. The facility had been shut down, until three weeks ago when it was brought back online...at practically the same moment Charlie started telling Rose that they needed to move to Fort Glory. Spoooooky....

While the Montgomerys adjust to life in Fort Glory, including the influx of tourists, journalists and conspiracy theorists drawn in by DARC, weird things start happening in the town. Crime rises. People randomly go crazy. Rumors are that the DARC is messing with things it shouldn’t be messing with, like poking holes into other dimensions. Because it worked so well on Stranger Things.

Rose just shrugs all this weirdness off - she has bigger problems, like earning a paycheck, helping her family get a house, keeping their ancient truck running and making sure there’s enough food to eat. Charlie, who is clearly some sort of Kid Hero capable of seeing things most other people can’t, tries repeatedly to warn Rose that something bad is about to happen, but, again, she just brushes it off. Rose drives to the nearby town of Maple to the Hands for Hearths office when the whole world goes crazy. The sky turns green, people start attacking each other, even Labrador retrievers turn against their humans! (You know things are truly bad when a Labrador retriever turns against you).

So Rose heads back to Fort Glory as she can as fast  only to find that the road literally stops just outside of town. There’s nothing beyond it except old growth forest.

The whole town is gone, along with everyone in it.

Rose, desperate to find her mom and Charlie, runs into the woods. After some shenanigans, she feels this weird tugging...suddenly she’s yanked sideways into a place known as the Fold. The Fold looks like the woods around Fort Glory, but something is wrong. Really, really wrong. Rose quickly teams up with four other teens who have found themselves stuck in the Fold - including the hunky ex-con Ian, whose dark past has made him an outcast in Fort Glory, but as Rose gets to know him, he really doesn’t seem so bad...plus it’s nice to not be alone in the Fold, where the laws of physics don’t apply and your inner demons can physically hurt you. But wormholes and darkness monsters be damned, Rose is going to find Charlie, damn it!

Oh, and her mom. Her, too. It’s not like she forgot her mom was missing, too...

Before I Disappear is a quick, exciting read - it’s also a standalone, which, having read nothing but the first of serieses for a long while, is very refreshing. I love the setting - as a native Oregonian, I am a sucker for stories set in my beloved, bizarre home state. The fictional town of Fort Glory, Oregon seems to be a mix of Fort Clatsop, Fort Stevens and, possibly, Fort Vancouver - you know, all those weird forts they had on the Pacific coast (except Fort Vancouver, which is way down on the Columbia, but the Columbia is how you get down to the coast in a boat so...). All wee little Oregonian children - or, at least, those of us who live west of the Cascades - are forced at some point to go to Fort Clatsop, as it was where Lewis and Clark hung out once they reached the Pacific. I distinctly remember being made to visit Fort Vancouver, too, even though it’s in *shudder* Washington. Fort Glory could also be any of those teeny little coastal towns they have up and down the coast, like Cannon Beach or Seaside or Tillamook or Garibaldi or Nehalem or Manzanita or Netarts or Yachats or Depoe Bay or Newport...ok I should stop because now I’m just naming towns I’ve been to (they’re all very nice. Well, except Newport.The aquarium is cool, but the rest of the town can get sucked into a wormhole for all I care). 

Needless to say, I am familiar with the Oregon Coast, it’s where Oregonians go when the sun comes out. (Well, when the sun comes out in the rest of the state. On the coast, the sun only comes out three days a year and it’s always on the days when you aren’t there). So I can speak with some authority when I say the Oregon Coast would be a terrible place to build a fancy underground atomic energy research facility-type thing. I mean, there’s the risk of tsunamis, earthquakes, lingering radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi Power plant Disaster of 2011...

See, this is why we shouldn’t have research facilities dedicated to punching holes into other dimensions situated on the Oregon Coast. Especially not right on top of a town. Put that shit out in the desert where if you poke a hole and let in a Demogorgon or a Darkness Monster, there’s not much around for it to eat. Except desert.

Also, I’m fairly certain any contact with other dimensions will go something like this:

But back to the book: character-wise, the one character we get to know best is Rose, which makes sense as the novel is written from her first-person perspective. Unfortunately, we don’t get to know the side characters as well - Blaine, Becca, and Jeremy aren’t nearly as well-developed. Charlie, aside from being a mysterious child who can see into other dimensions, doesn’t have much of a personality. He’s just an odd kid and Rose absolutely adores him. Rose’s mom falls by the wayside entirely - most of the novel has Rose laser-focused on finding Charlie, while her mom is a bit of an afterthought. But, again, that’s the limitation of the first-person perspective. Aside from Rose, the most developed character is Ian, who apparently has starburst eyes.

Both he and Rose are on the run from their pasts, and being in the Fold is forcing them to confront some pretty harsh truths about themselves and their lives.

My biggest complaint concerning Before I Disappear would be the ending. The story just ends. I would’ve loved a denouement or an epilogue or something where we could see what happens to the characters after the end of the main action...but instead we get action action action action end. So many stories end that way, I wanna know what people get up to when they get home after the adventure, damn it! I’m guessing lots of people, as soon as the adventure is over, just go home, shower, stuff food into their faces and then sleep for the next three straight days. Or maybe go to a hospital. Or immediately get arrested, like in Keanu. Either way, I wish we could’ve gotten more than just “hey it’s over!”

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone just fresh off a binge of season 3 of Stranger Things and are desperate for another cool inter-dimensional teen drama involving mysterious research facilities, wormholes and disappearing towns. Also fans of YA genre stories and Oregonians.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: non-YA fans, anyone currently living on the Oregon Coast, scientists currently working at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

RATING: 3.99/5 (0.1 point removed for the abrupt ending. I wanted more! *cries*)

RELEASE DATE: July 23, 2019 (Ha! I got this review done on time!!)

THE GORGEOUS OREGON COAST:

FOR ANYONE CONFUSED ABOUT THE TITLE OF THIS REVIEW: Learn some German.

[bramblepaws]

meat part 4, where dirk starts talking about philosophy and I Start Yelling

both of you can go fuck urselves because I’VE read Kierkegaard, and it has done NOTHING to improve my life or thoughts about the self!!!

i should reread Kierkegaard.

also besides, defining what the self is.. is so!! subjective!! there are already so many people who have tried. is it simply a bundle of experiences? is it your flesh and blood? are we gonna delve into  the mind/body problem?? HUH HUSSIE? ARE WE GONNA DO PHILOSOPHY UP IN THIS BITCH?? THAT’S WHAT I MAJORED IN SO IM READY TO KICK YOUR ASS,

oh god now we’re going into free-will debates? im going to be trapped in this comic forever.

“i think therefore i am” actually is interesting but Descartes also said that our souls control our bodies like we’re driving a car so. also he was a big part of the reason i don’t even believe in souls anymore. god!!!!!! i should reread Descartes

dirk that’s not even like a philosophical theory, that’s just A Way Of Talking

oh now you’re gonna bring truth and validity into this? huh? socrates is a man or whatever garbage? HUH??? ho

okay finally circling back to the free will thing, which IS actually really interesting. i’m completely fascinated by the idea that there isn’t actually free will, because we don’t choose the DNA we are created with or the circumstances we are born into, and we make all decisions in life off of those, so therefore we will react to any outside stimuli in the same way every time. BUT the free will argument also reminds me why people hate philosophy, because it’s one of those questions that i always want to automatically respond with “shut up? don’t ask me that? bye?”

because we CAN’T live life if we don’t think that there’s free will! we have to act as though there is, otherwise we’ll fall into a state where we distance ourselves from our own actions and don’t take responsibility for anything we do.

so it’s extra concerning that Dirk keeps honing in on this, because... is he following the line of thought that there isn’t free will, and therefore distancing himself from his own actions and just doing what he “knows he will” or whatever? or is he, by trying to take control of the narrative, attempting to prove that he is the only one who has free will, and break out of it? but even doing that doesn’t subvert the idea that he would be taking that action due to Being Who He Is.

THAT IS, QUITE FRANKLY, UP FOR DEBATE!!! YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE WHICH PHILOSOPHICAL LINE OF THOUGHT IS “RIGHT” LIKE THAT. some people don’t even believe that experiences matter. some people don’t even think that matter matters! some people don’t think that there’s anything BUT matter, and others think there’s matter and non-matter, and how the hell do those even interact? and some people!!! think that we aren’t even any of that!! that individuality is purely how we interact with the world around us, with no “mind” at all!! they’re wrong but like the theories of thought are out there and who are you to wave them away without a counter-argument that other people can dissect forever because philosophers always use stupid ambiguous language.

also i can’t believe you’re bringing in the bundled experiences thing that i mentioned earlier.

okay so if the self is, hypothetically speaking, a collection both of your base personality traits and your experiences, dirk is saying that the ultimate self is just the base personality plus Every Possible Experience you could have. which IS interesting to think about, but like, also bizarre? because if you explore every possible experience, how would that change you as a person? human brains don’t have the capacity for that sort of memory (hence rose unraveling i guess). but like... part of how our personalities are created is through cherry-picking the events that most strongly correlate to how we conceptualize ourselves. so our vision of ourselves ALSO influences the self. and we can’t have conflicting views of the self, because then there’s like... fracturing... you can’t visualize yourself as detail-oriented AND not detail-oriented. you can maybe sort them into different categories, like being detail-oriented when it comes to the physical space you occupy but being non detail-oriented when it comes to, say, reading a situation. but you can’t... apply both concepts to the exact same thing, because then it’s a paradox.

and our visions of the self are key in making future decisions. if our Selves are unlimited, Ultimate even, how would anyone be able to make decisions? it doesn’t even matter if they have free will or not! because in the scenario of not having free will, the traits and experiences informing each decision will be nearly infinite, which will mean that there won’t be one answer. you’d be literally paralyzed by possibility! because even if the base personality is the same across all universes, experiences DO shape you as a person. and there are some things that may be inevitable, but there’s so much that could go differently. Even just something like... a rock randomly falling and crushing one of your arms. it’s a traumatic experience, it shapes you, it changes how you interact with the world. and it wasn’t caused by anything you did; it was an entirely random act of the universe. so that You is inherently different from the you of a universe where the rock fell 10 seconds after you’d passed by already. 

i got lost in the weeds a bit here. but like.. also under the theory that we DO have free will. this is still the case? our personalities change. we could maybe make decisions, but we’d be caught up in a wave of possibilities and just.. different ways of thinking that would all contradict each other. like me, Choosing To Read The Epilogues. i probably wouldn’t have done it if Tang hadn’t come back to talk on tumblr about them! or, if we want to get crazy, maybe i wouldn’t have done it if i had my arm crushed by a rock! because i’d be like “this is long as fuck and i have to take life by the horns, i dont have TIME to read this, im BUSY”

i dunno it’s just. the ultimate self is insane to think about when you apply it to Real Philosophical thinking. basically what im saying is.... it’s not about being strong? it’s about becoming a literal paradox in the universe. 

and what’s the point of becoming your ultimate self, anyways! i think. if you could SEE your own experiences from other selves, that would be different. understanding “that’s another way things could have gone, and those are the results of it” is something that Could Work. it would increase someone’s understanding of both themselves and of consequences in general. but without being able to conceptualize those actions as happening to specifically Other You, everything becomes too much. you suddenly have conflicting personality traits with no direct line that you can follow across experiences, everything gets jumbled together inside of you, and it becomes SO much harder to understand. it’s hard enough understanding how our experiences shape our personality even with Just One!

unless Dirk thinks that the ultimate self is going to be able to parse through all of that clearly, which i guess they’d Have To if they were gonna be able to do literally anything. but even still, how would they choose? it’s not like their personalities are going to be Amplified, there’s just going to be a million more nuances now that they’ll have to sift through.

i feel like i’ve started circling around my own argument, which is what philosophers do so i guess im valid. but i’ll shut up for now and just keep reading. 

and that’s the main fucking issue here, dirk!!!!! regret is important! regret is a part of growing and making different choices!!

hm

first of all: i do not like you. second of all, if anything, you’re HER mirror. you’re the foil that was introduced halfway through the whole storyline. binch.

god is this gonna be some sort of star wars bullshit huh. come to the dark side i am your father etc, etc

wow i hate this! also we haven’t talked about philosophy in a while so ig im done for now

[ferretandtheweasel]

Why I ship Draco and Ginny?

Seriously nobody asked for this 😂 tbh this is just my Harry Potter and Drinny journey. Also this is just me posting something to start this blog with. So, here's how everything went down:

So before anything I want y'all to know that I started reading Harry Potter at like 14? 13? (don't remember exactly). I was given the first 3 books as a gift. I was instantly hooked and finished them all pretty quickly. And because I am a slut for grey characters, Draco managed a place in my heart even when I low-key hated him (In the first two books lol). He was interesting to me because I wanted to see where his story would go? On the other hand I already had a soft spot for Ginny since Sorcerer's Stone. I had older cousins who wouldn't include me in their stuff so I found her adorbs and relatable in the first book and my sympathy for her only grew in CoS. Book 5 Ginny though, was my fav Ginny because she really put Harry in his place and hexed Malfoy. She became one of my favourite side-characters along with Luna and Neville.

Despite my love for her, like most people, Ginny ending up as Harry's main love interest definitely surprised me. JKR did a good job of convincing me though. I accepted quite easily that Harry and Ginny were endgame but before embracing Hinny, I was a believer that Rowling would make Ginny Weasley end up with Draco Malloy.

Why?

Some might ask and God, I wish there was some proper logic behind this but for some reason, my 15 year old romantic self was sold on the idea that Ginny and Draco are going to be Romeo and Juliet of the Wizarding world?

No, I don't know why I thought like this 😂😂😂 It just made perfect sense in my head at that time for Drinny to happen, I do laugh now at how cheesy I was as a teenager. I just loved thinking about the wizarding world, imaging about other characters that weren't the trio.

Anyway, so this revelation of Drinny possibly being Romeo-Juliet happened during Order of The Pheonix, Ginny hexes Draco with bat-bogey hex and for some reason I was fixated on that particular interaction in the book. I used to imagine Draco being flustered that little Weasley had hexed him, it just gave me so much thrill thinking how annoyed he would be that a girl got the best of him, I imagined him being turned on while he was mad at her, or that he would eventually get attracted to her while trying to get back at her. I just imagined them having the enemies-to-lovers sort of relationship and it just made sense.

Now let me tell you when I read Harry Potter, I lived in a small town in Pakistan, not only was internet not easily available there, it never occured to me back then to actually search for the Harry potter fandom online the few times i did get a connection, so I had no idea of "shipping" or "OTPs" and I didn't know any spoilers. So yeah I used to create scenarios in my head where Draco and Ginny would meet in the Hogwarts corridors and they would argue and have intense sexual tension, or how Draco would want to take revenge on Ginny for hexing him and it would lead to them to having an angry shouting matches which would lead to make out session etc (Yes, I am aware we call these 'headcanons' but back then I was not familiar with fandom terminology).

Anyhow, I finally get my hands on Half Blood Prince Book and lmao remember the scene where Harry is spying on Draco, and then Blaise (or someone else? Idr correctly) brings up how hot Ginny is, I was losing my shit because I was like, why else would JKR bring this up in front of Draco? I was sure that she was building up a secret romance between Drinny behind the scenes because we see stuff happeing through Harry's eyes. Yes i was connecting dots of my conspiracy theory, or at least wishing that that is what was happening.

So y'all can now probably imagine how freakin' surprised and confused I felt when Harry got jealous over Ginny and Dean in the Astronomy tower? 😂😂😂 Like i did not see Hinny coming, it hit me like a wrecking ball... But ofcourse I accepted Hinny at the time because I also loved how tables had turned and now it was Harry who became obsessed with her, I also loved the whole "But she is Ron's sister, I thought I liked her as a sister, Ron will be so mad".

So anyway I go move on with my life and finish Deathly Hallows but ofc Harry Potter series felt like my childhood ending and I couldn't accept it. In my head, even when I had embraced Hinny, I still felt the love for Drinny and saw their potential, by this time I was finally allowed a phone. (Yeah I got a mobile phone when I was almost 16 😂) and while searching for random hp related stuff online I came across Fanfiction...

I started reading fics because I wanted to know what happened between the time when the war ended and when epilogue happened. I also wanted more answers about all the characters. However, I used to find most stories/character ooc, so I used to leave most fics in the middle and move on, very few fics could satisfy me because few writers nailed JKR's Harry.

Anyhow exploring the world of fanfics to read something that I actually like, that's when I was introduced to the giant that is dramione. Dramione introduced the idea of fanfiction deviating from actual books, so I gave them a try but then there were so many Dramione fics on Fanfiction.net but their fics pretty much very early on put me off of that ship, and then I altogether gave up on it because the disrespect to the Weasleys especially Ron was astounding to me. Also people turned Hermione into a mary-sue character in fics which also put me off. I feel like people dont know how to seperate Emma Watson from Hermione. Anyway that is a rant for another day.... So yeah, It was then when I randomly decided that maybe I should check out if anybody wrote Draco and Ginny fics and it was like magic 😍

ff.net had some great Drinny fics Some of them were post series, some of them during their Hogwarts years. Some were pure fluff others K I L L E D me with angst! I still have issues with fics where in order for Drinny to happen they show how bad/abusive Harry-Ron-Hermione are. I leave them instantly, or fics where Ginny is ashamed of being poor (i feel like she loves her parents and everything they've done for her) or fics where I find them ooc... but over all Drinny is a ship which has given me some great fics and those fics have helped me deal with personal stuff and cheered me up when I was down.

Also reading about them gave me an insight on how healthy a relationship between them can be where they can both provide each other with validation, comfort, love and passion.

Reasons why i think they work:

1) Ginny and Draco are opposites but they compliment each other rather than repel. Eg: Ginny and Draco both belong to ancient pureblood families yet the environment and ideology they grow up with completely opposite, their values are opposite even when their world is the same. That gives a lot of foundation for both of them to learn from each other.

2) Ginny is fierce, talkative /bubbly (Ron mentions how it's strange that she's quiet around harry because usually she won't shut up), stands up for those she feels are being unfairly treated (Luna, Neville), she's quite popular as harry realises in year 6 that she has her own friends, she even gets invited to the "slug club"... I think this works so well with Draco who hides his emotions, is under control of his feelings... He's also somewhat of a bully in early years which just goes so well because can you imagine how explosive their encounters would be in the great hall? Draco saying mean things to Ginny just to wind her up and her reacting and never backing down. I think Ginny is really one of the only ladies who can match him inch by inch and call him out on his bullshit. Maybe wind him enough to lose control even.

3) They both play quidditch, can you imagine the friendly rivalry? That is one thing they can bond over, they can also bond over their ancient families and their respective experience of growing up in wizarding world post voldemort... It can be similar and different. They really have the potential to be attracted like magnets. Sorry dramiones, but the angst and enemies to lovers that Drinny delivers... No other hp ship does it for me.

So yeah guys Drinny is my guilty pleasure and I think Draco and Ginny could have worked out really well as a couple but off course I understand that JRK wasn't writing a romance 😂. There is just so much to explore in their dynamic though and I am glad for all the fanfics and fanarts are out there because they really satisfy my curiosity and love for them.

[margoslxix]

Why Everyone Should Join the New Albion Fandom

Alright, so I know some of my followers already know about New Albion. I’ve definitely been posting about it a lot lately. But not only is it a great work, but so far, the fandom is shaping up to be something absolutely special and unique, something worth keeping an eye on for those of us interested in fandom history and culture. It’s still a small fandom, but it seems to be growing fairly quickly, and I think this is as good of a time as any to make a post like this.

What is New Albion?

Good question! The short answer is, it’s a series of operas. Specifically, retro-futuristic science fiction operas. That sounds niche as hell, because it is. But the music is incredible, and the stories are extremely well-written. There’s also a good deal of LGBT representation, which is always a plus.

You can find the entire series here. As you can see, that looks extremely intimidating, but here’s a simple guide to getting into the series:

You should start with Dolls of New Albion. It’s the first in the main trilogy, and the most well-known. You can find a few actual performances on Youtube, which is a nice bonus. If you’re extremely into jazz, you can also safely start with The New Albion Radio Hour, but I don’t think it’s quite as satisfying without having Dolls as a basis. Dolls of New Albion is an epic, with each act following a different cast of characters in the same family line, and how all of their actions cause the downfall of a great city. The aesthetic is Steampunk, probably accounting for the popularity of this one in particular.

The New Albion Radio Hour is the direct sequel. It’s a much more compact, action-oriented piece. It’s Dieselpunk, so prepare for a lot of noire goodness. It follows a single family on a single night, and while the plot is completely separate from Dolls, it definitely does build on the lore.

Finishing out the trilogy is The New Albion Guide to Analogue Consciousness, a wild Atompunk ride. It’s a bit less linear than its predecessors, with Act 2 being a massive flashback that helps to explain the plot. It has a reputation of being the hardest of the three to follow plot-wise, so you definitely don’t want to start with this one, although it’s also very, very good. It also ties the plots and characters of the other two together in an extremely unexpected and interesting way, so it’s absolutely a great “end” to an amazing trilogy.

Once you’ve finished the main trilogy, your next destination should be The Room Beneath New Albion. It was written as a sort of love letter to the fans, and an epilogue for the series. Taking place during the third act of Dolls, it delivers on a plot point left hanging at the end of the trilogy.

All of this takes less than 6 hours, so this is not a fandom that will take you hours and hours to get caught up. If you were a latecomer to anything like Homestuck or The Adventure Zone, New Albion is incredibly accessible.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

You may have noticed that there are more than four albums on the Bandcamp page. Don’t worry. Just because the main trilogy is over doesn’t mean that New Albion is finished. Now is actually an excellent time to get into the fandom, as we’re all waiting at the edge of our seats for the third act of The Ballad of Lost Hollow. 

The Ballad of Lost Hollow is a 3-act opera being released one act at a time, and Act 2 (”Uncle Raven’s Super Happy Funtime Carnival”) was released very recently. While it was a massive plot twist at the time, it is no longer a secret that this opera, while seemingly unrelated to New Albion, is actually the fourth full installment in the series, and seems to be heading in a Cyberpunk direction. Still, it’s taken a lot of detours through Weird West and a Carnival aesthetic, so it’s got a little something for everyone.

In addition, if you want to hear more, most of the albums on the composer’s Bandcamp do take place in the same universe! If you want to get additional lore, feel free to give a listen to nearly everything. Fairy Tales for the Lost and Wandering in particular actually includes a track called “New Albion 7,” an important side-story linking Radio Hour to Analogue Consciousness. If you liked that, there’s also Fairy Tales for Homeless Fairies, another album of fairy tales, but one with a more connected plot.

For more background on Uncle Raven, formally introduced to the New Albion series in Act 2 of Lost Hollow and quickly becoming the most popular character in the series, check out The Fallen and Shadows and Flames, both of which feature him pretty heavily. (He’s actually a very old OC of the creator, so there is official lore for him dating back to the 90s.)

If you want something a little different (and not necessarily canon), check out The Slenderman Musical or Cthulhu The Funksical, both incredibly weird and unique takes on pre-existing stories.

And if you’ve listened to everything and you’re still hungry for more New Albion, the composer’s blog contains a bunch of short fiction and character backgrounds for the series, providing additional context and lore notes.

How is this Fandom Unique?

This one’s kind of a long story.

You see, we have this Discord server (which I can give you a link to, if you’re interested). A lot of fandoms do. It was started by @sludge-bot, and I don’t think he expected it to get as big as it did.

Well, sure enough, it sort of exploded. Meanwhile, cryptic messages on Paul Shapera’s blog seemed to suggest that he was a member of the Discord himself, lurking and incognito. He promised that he would reveal himself in a Q&A session over voice chat.

And he did. Sonmi451, a person who had been a member of the server for a long time, turned out to be Paul Shapera himself. Turns out, he’s not just an amazing composer, he’s also a really cool dude. The Q&A went wonderfully, but we were all a little unsure of how things would go after that.

And here’s where things start to get wild:

Paul stayed. 

We continued to behave as a normal fandom, producing fics and art and headcanons. We’re pretty active for a small fandom, partially because we’re a tight-knit community. We’re always welcoming of new members, but for the time being, this is a fandom where just about everyone knows everyone else.

Except that the content creator, The Guy Who Controls the Canon, is among us.

He frequently shows up to randomly declare people’s headcanons canon, or comment on our art and fics. The atmosphere is casual and friendly, and he frequently jokes about our shenanigans. 

He’s also written the Discord server into the official lore, as an organization of mad historians and scholars (the New Albion Discordian Society, or NADS). In addition, he has named several characters after members of the group, and said that he will continue to do so.

The official support from the composer has made the New Albion Fandom Discord into more-or-less an “Official, Authorized Fan Club.” We also may or may not have our hands on some exclusive content, some of which may or may not be total game-changers for the lore.

Anyway, Paul Shapera is a really cool dude, and his engagement with his loving fandom has created a totally unique atmosphere with regards to how things like headcanons work, as well as answering questions and expanding our understanding of the lore.

That was long. Why should we join the New Albion fandom?

To summarize: Do you like amazing music? Do you like great stories? Listen to the New Albion series. It’s shorter to get into than a lot of other popular Tumblr fandoms, but it also gives you more depending on how deep down the rabbit hole you want to go. For this reason, it’s a totally customization fandom experience. Join the Discord server, and you’ll make a ton of cool friends, and have an already-established community to geek out about the series with.

I could see this potentially blooming into a large fandom, and I’m not entirely sure how that will change the current culture and dynamic. But honestly? It’s exciting, and I’m willing to find out. (Plus, Paul deserves a lot of love and attention, because his music is AMAZING.)

[fuyu-mayoi]

Magi 369 - My last commentary

WARNING! This is an extremely long commentary. Everything written undercut it’s just the result of a personal reflection. If you have the will to read this papyrus, may the force be with you. The content is almost completely negative so if you liked the chapter and don’t want people to ruin your good day simply don’t read it. 

The first thing I asked myself before writing this commentary is: 

How would I describe Magi’s last chapter in few words? 

I wasn’t able to think about a proper answer in the beginning so I searched here and there to take inspiration from the others’ perspective and the adjectives I met the most were “ terrible, awful, disappointing”. If I have to choose only one or two words probably those would be “Magi final chapter is a meaningless décalage.”

What comes to the eyes first is an extremely anticlimatic subversion of a situation that in truth was already anticlimatic since the start. Let’s be honest: Magi played a lot during these 8 years on the alternation of anticlimatic levels but in the Final Arc Ohtaka abused a lot of this narrative device. Overthrowing the dramatic tension built in ch.368 was a bit too drastic and allow me to say unnecessary. I would have rather preferred to see the end of the battle, the tension slowly decreasing and turning into something else. Something warmer that would have led to an epilogue. 

In this regard the chapter completely missed some (if not all the) focal points that needed development.

- the acceptance of Sinbad’s loss.

- a kaleidoscope of everyone’s emotions with a little focus on every group: the main trio, the Kou siblings, the Reim group, the Magi team etc., in other words a little panormaic on everyone’s daily life. 

- the most common explanations ( about djinns, Solomon, Arba etc)

- even the wedding was thrown randomly.

How I feel about the final chapter? Emotionally speaking this chapter gave me nothing. The answers us readers were waiting, were not there. The subplots that needed a closure were not closed. The mysteries introduced were not solved. The characters abandoned were ignored again. It inspires me indifference. And this is the main problem: everything there is so rushed and inconclusive to the point of being meaningless. I felt nothing even for my favourite character’s death. It’s like reading a bad fanfiction. If the ending was not preannounced I alone would have never guessed this was the finale. Also I am quite perplexed that the editor didn’t offer to Ohtaka the opportunity of making a longer epilogue with a 50 pages chapter. 

What I disliked the most and made me mad was that all the plotlines were merged and then submitted to a single bigger one (Alibaba’s one) in a very convenient way. The characters’ individualities were overshadowed by “Alibaba’s amazingness” till becoming insignificant. Well we all know the first Magi law: if Alibaba is happy then everything is ok! 

One of the most interesting thing in Magi was the multilevel-system with every character having his own storyline made of tragic past, inner complexes etc. Then during the Sacred Palace Arc something happened. Ohtaka forced all the different subplots and cutted everything under Sinbad’s storyline only to change her mind soon later. Sinbad’s storyline indeed was reworked inside Alibaba’s storyline for a reason I a have an hard time to understand. What a useless mess.

Is Sinbad’s death a narrative failure? I didn’t liked that Sinbad’s death was foreshadowed so much. It ruined the moment. Maybe if things were hidden a little more I would have been surprised. After all that happened I can’t see Sinbad redeeming himself so much easily at least not now, not immediately. He needs to live his purgatory and ironically the better way of doing it is to stay dead for a little. It is implyed he will come back (we don’t know nor how nor when) he is a Singularity so it’s entirely possible for him to be dead only temporarily. That said my opinion is that Sinbad’s “first death” was perfect. I would have stopped there without beating a dead horse.

A question comes to my mind:

Is this the ending Ohtaka planned from the beginning? I would answer yes and no.

In the first chapters of the manga there were only 3 relevant characters : Aladdin, Alibaba and Morgiana. It was obvious that the ending would have turned around these three. What shocked me instead is the few space it was left to Aladdin...Aladdin was the first character introduced in the whole manga. Aladdin was probably what gives Ohtaka the initial inspiration. In more than half of the manga it’s mainly Aladdin’s storyline the one that moves the action and not Alibaba’s one. The story started with him so I was expecting the story to end with him. But we canonically now that Ohtaka changed her mind often (as an example she stated that in the beginning Kougyoku was supposed to die but then she changed her mind). So I wouldn’t be surprised if Ohtaka changed a bit her initial position. This doesn’t explain why one of the main characters was ignored though. At least I’m glad that Morgiana was there.

Will some plot holes be covered in snb or a sequel? Maybe something like Judal’s true name will slip from the plot sooner or later in Snb. But I don’t think there will ever be a sequel.

Little consolation. What I liked (Yeah, incredible there was something I liked! xD) is the open ending which means us fans can fill all the holes with our imagination. 

If you really menaged to read till here without falling asleep then congratulations ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ! 

Also sorry for my bad english and eventual errors m( _ _ )m

With this I ended my journey. See you to the next manga! 

[tumblunni]

Okay, I’m gonna babble a bit about playing Oneshot now!! So umm, under a readmore if you dont like long posts. Sorry!

* Man, the setting is just so FASCINATING and MYSTERIOUSSSS! You’re sent to save this mysterious world, and its kinda this unique setup where you start the game with the thing you need to fix it, and you just need to go on this big journey to get it to where it needs to be. And its all fun and cool and surreal cos you’re literally carrying The Sun, which for some reason is a magic lightbulb?? This place is so strange and charming like that, there’s this mix of robots and magic and stuff thats just accepted as normal here. Like... humans MADE robots, but all this weird mechanical-biological combination stuff was always here and they react like ‘WTF’ if you mistake it for a robot. It kinda makes a lot of sense that they’d have such advanced robots even in the most rural areas when the laws of their reality seem to already work like machines in the first place. I mean, some humans just randomly have objects for heads?? That’s just... a thing?? Big metal heads?? ‘Of course I’m not a robot’. This is just like some sort of medical condition I guess?? i was surprised when I finally actually saw a robot with an object head in the very last area, lol. ‘WHOA BUT YOU LOOK LIKE A HUMAN’ xD

* And there’s the whole biological system and economy and etc revolving around blue/green/red phosphor, which is why losing the sun means the end of the world for these people BUT they’re able to survive for a while without it. This stuff just exists that absorbs sunlight and can store it like batteries, but its like a naturally occurring tree sap?? Big glowy cyberpunk tree sap, from trees with neato glowy patterns instead of leaves. And from ALL SORTS OF other biological sources, like being honey secreted by microscopic starlight shrimps, and their land equivelant the phosphor flies in the next area. Its like if solar panels were things you could mine up from fermenting goddamn apples! ITS SUCH A UNIQUE COOL IDEA!!!! And its got so much detail into this worldbuilding and it all looks so pretty and surreal to see these things scattered around the world providing the light and power for every town you find. Its like... there’s always a realistic reason why this person is here, there’s never a single gap in the constant decision to ALWAYS explain the phosphor source for every single room. And it just looks super pretty cos you have these glowy things stacked on bookshelves and in lil tanks and in lil jars and just ITS GREAT how you can even see the differences in each area’s version of the technology?? Like in the Barrens where everyone is robots, there’s very little light at all. All the phosphor sources are mined and installed into generators that in turn power all the robots. They dont need as many light sources cos they emit light themselves, and their vision probably doesnt even work the same way as humans. So its really subtle and sad that you only see a large number of the jar lightbulb thingies in areas that are said to be abandoned human settlements. Its so messed up to think that the robots are trapped by their programming to keep refilling useless lights in places they dont even occupy, wasting their limited power source even faster... And in the Glen because its a more rural area that provides all the farming for the more technologically advanced main city, you just see more ramshackle home remedies for phosphor. There’s robots and technology everywhere but they arent really used by the locals? its like all these facilities have been built on their land by the Refuge citizens, and all the robots are government workers who dont even talk to the citizens. And guards keeping people from going to the Refuge until they work up enough money to afford a visa, and then theyre kinda never allowed to return, it seems?? That would have been messed up even when the world was functioning correctly, but its super disturbing now that we’re all doomed and the Refuge is literally being advertised as the only safe place to live. Which just makes it sadder when you get there and its suffering just as many problems as everywhere else! But just seriously, if it actually WAS the only safe place and they’re sitting here sustaining themself on work from the Glen and the Barrens and keeping all these people out even though without them the place wouldnt frickin BE safe to begin with! GAHH MORAL QUESTIONS, I LOVE THIS WORLDBUILDING GAHHH. And its so nuanced because none of this stuff is ever outright stated, all the characters act like its a normal way for society to work, and Niko is so young they dont really understand it anyway. Its just this sort of thing you realize after a while and it makes it all even sadder. And especially because all the people in the Refuge are just ordinary citizens too, and theyre not even living in the luxury they were promised to begin with. There isnt even really any clear person who upholds the status quo, they dont seem to have any government? Its just like everyone is running on the laws and programming left behind by someone long gone, and they dont have the capacity to question it. And its falling apart because nobody even understood that person’s reasons for making things this way in the first place. Like how the Barrens was meant to be an operation to extract blue phosphor to deliver to the Refuge, but the degredation went faster than expected and all the humans had to withdraw back. So now its just a bunch of robots continuing this mining operation with no end goal, as they slowly break down. They’re just expending energy to mine more energy, which sits there waiting to be delivered to no-one, because their programming is all ‘humans first, robots have no free will’. They’ll keep doing this stuff thats supposed to benefit humans, rather than looking after themselves! And at least they have Silver the one robot who broke her programming and acts as sort of a mayor to the rest. But she’s chronically depressed and alone and even with her help they werent able to fix the generator until you came along, and even when you fix it you’re able to bring some robots back to life but others are just empty background scenery that’s too broken to move T_T And... like... it seems that robots literally cannot become ‘tamed’ unless they interact with humans? Nobody seems to be able to explain how you ‘tame’ a robot, but it seems they gradually learn to step outside their programming and form more of a personality through just... being loved enough. And seriously even if they say they’re unable to feel emotions, all the un-tamed ones still seem to express their own personality and its just like they’re stuck unable to disagree with a bunch of laws that keep it restrained. I FEEL SO SAD FOR THEM! I miss the prophetbot, they were my first friend in this world and i cant do anything for them except give them one nice conversation before i have to move on. They’re unable to move on! Their programming literally stops them from leaving that one tutorial spot, stops them from talking to anyone else except the destined hero. the other robots talk about how prophetbot struggles to try and talk to them when they visit them, but they have ‘great difficulty’, and just... goddd, how chipper and helpful they are to give you the tutorial... god i was the first friend they had in centuries... I hope they get some sort of epilogue maybe in the credits??? SORRY, WHERE WAS I? Oh yeah THE WORLDBUILDING IS REALLY GOOD And anyway, the Glen people live on raw phosphor in sort of local homeopathic equivelants. No phosphor generators outside of the areas that’re occupied by Refuge robots doing research and such. They just have cute lil jars filled with fireflies, and they use the light of un-harvested phosphor trees. Which makes it even more skeevy that the refuge is using them to harvest this stuff, seriously?? And its SO FUCKIN SAD to see that one farmer who has their farm surrounded by tiny pot lights and has faith that eventually something will sprout even though they dont have any sun. And its all so much more sympathetic because they’re cute spoopy shadow bird people! I’m really glad the game gave plenty of cute designs to the normal humans when we finally got to them, cos they’d be so much less interesting compared to all these bots and cool magic people. Hooray for unexplained object heads! And then when you get to the Refuge its constantly bathed in ominous red light! (or a more calming pink in the less spoopy areas) Cos like 80% of all the architecture is just big water generators, its like venice but with blood red glowyness! And apparantly even though they’re burning all this high energy red phosphor constantly, its still barely enough to keep the city running. And they’re trying to run these labs to research stuff in the other cities, and they’re trying to find a way to recall and repair the Barrens robots, and they have loads of machinery that’s sustaining the state of the whole world. So its not like theyre COMPLETELY abandoning everyone else, but still its so creepy and sad to hear some of the scientist npcs talking so casually about their cameras showing that so-and-so area is ‘degrading’ at a certain rate, and oh this particualr robot somewhere far away just died. God, I really hope you didnt mean that exact boat-rowing robot that I met in the first area, you bitches! T_T But anyway it was really interesting to find books with little artworks and bonus worldbuilding on how exactly the three types of phosphor work. The design for the phospor shrimp is SO ADORABLE!! They have little goopy bubbles surrounding a more fragile inner body, they look just like the sparkly pools you find them in! Btw thats the best part of the first area, its this cool eternal night in a desert which makes it look like the surface of the moon, with these small crater-like lakes thatre all that remain of the once vast sea. And the phosphor shrimps inside them glow like stars! I wish i’d taken more screenies when I was playing that part!! And there’s stuff about how red phosphor is the best at generating energy, but it has the shortest lifespan and needs to be constantly in motion to work, hence the canals of water swooshing these crystals around the city. ITS JUST SO FUCKIN FASCINATING AAAA

* and just GODDDDD the REALLY UNIQUE SITUATION of the GAAAAAME Its just this.. like... inevitable doom?? There’s no immediate threat that you can fight, no combat, no villain causing this tragedy. Its just a slow death by lack of resources, and one very tiny shred of hope that this legendary prophecy person might be able to save us all. You have to very personally see the suffering of all the people affected by this, because the premise is going on a pilgramidge to reach the place where you can save the world. you have to walk through every city and you have to trust in these people in order to move forward. You have to get fuckin sad about every single one of them! And its just... not even an ordinary destroyed world. Its this half destroyed world where people are trying to go on with their lives, people are all working together to fix what they can. Its just the inevitable knowledge that ultimately nobody can fix the underlying problem, all they can do is stubbornly cling onto what time we have left, instead of giving up. It reminds me a lot of when you get to walk through the destroyed Lindblum in FF9, and see everyone rebuilding and banding together even as they’re being occupied by these enemy soldiers and forced into obedience. At that moment it feels like it could have been the end, but everyone’s bravery motivates you to keep going, and it just becomes so heartwarming to see the place slowly getting rebuilt in the later stages of the game after the war ends. Its neat that it never fully gets back to how it was, but its something different, yknow? And you get little npc stories like the sweet grandma who was sewing her granddaughter a dress with the last of her savings, then got blinded in the attack on the city and could never see the kid get to wear it. And she’s always going to be disabled now, even after you save the world, but it hit me right in the heart to know i had the power to give back hope to that grandma and make her life just a little bit less painful. It was nice to see all the npcs become more positive again as the place was rebuilding. I wish you could have walked around the game again after you finish it, and see what everyone would be like in the epilogue, yknow? ANYWAY, Oneshot is a whole game that captures that unique sadness, in my opinion! though you dont get to see the cities before theyre destroyed, it can still be equally sad in a different way to come into this situation blind and see everyone dealing with horrible trauma as if its normal, with barely anyone remembering the old world... :(

* And I am SO ON EDGE about the possibility that i might not be able to save the world in the end! There’s a lot of more pessimistic npcs around the world who believe thats gonna be the ending. Maybe I can restore the sun but maybe it’s too late, and the world has been too damaged. I mean... I can’t reverse what’s happened to anyone. The first area reminds you of that very painfully with how some of the robots dont wake up when the generator is fixed. I dont know if the place is too broken for these people to pull it back from the brink, even if i restore light and warmth to it. But like.. even if thats true, I still want to do it! Even if all I can do is just make everyone happy again, and let them pass their final days in peace instead of being afraid right up to the very end. Even if all I’m doing is saving THESE people, saving the ones I met and grew attatched to, but knowing probably the world will still die at some point in the future. Or even if its gonna be faster than that, yknow?? I just want these people to not be sad when they die. if thats all i can do then i still wanna do it, its better than giving up. I dont agree with the one cynical person saying ‘its better to die quick than keep fighting’. :( But still i hope there’s a happy ending somewhere in the multiple endings stuff. :(

* oh and seriously WHAT IS UP WITH THE SQUARES Thats the biggest creepiest part of the whole ‘biological technology’ aesthetic here, the degredation of the world is personified as videogame glitch type effects. But the characters make it clear that this is actually happening in-universe! they dont even have words for pixels, they just know that stuff is all losing its durability without the sun, and falling apart into ‘squares’. Like... everything. EVERYTHING. Natural rock formations, just flaking apart in these unnatural square patterns. Trees and buildings and everything! Robots malfunctioning cos some part inside of them has become pixels, their entire mainframe has magically poofed into the rawest of raw materials as if it never existed. Like it would be bad enough if it was just gears poofing back into raw metal or something, but SQUARES?? Its like if everything suddenly turned into dust regardless of what it originally was. Its the same visceral creepyness as flesh turning to stone! And the pixels seem to be like.. semi-sentient somehow?? or at least mobile and capable of actively spreading outwards whenever they appear. There’s some places that’re just plain square-shaped holes in things, and then there’s some where there’s pixelized light projections spilling out from the broken thing and creeping like moss to envelop and destroy anything else that touches them. Thats why its so important to immediately shut down any ‘square anomoly’ whenever it appears, and like.. still, even if you stop it from spreading you cant fix whatever got square’d. You just have to toss away all these materials and keep mining more of them to replace everything. Everything just has this random chance of being permenantly destroyed out of nowhere, with no chance to predict it or prevent it. It probably makes it feel like ‘why even bother putting effort into anything’. Life is just constantly about replacing and maintaining what already exists, with no chance to progress beyond that. No wonder everyone loves the mysterious Author’s books, its not like there’s much time to create their own books, yknow? (tho i feel really sad for the one librarian who actually is writing their own books and nobody notices them because The Author has become the expert on everything now...) And like... they say that AS FAR AS ANYONE KNOWS, the square degredation has never affected a living person. Yet. But like.. its still happening to robots! They already get to experience a preview of the horror of seeing your own hands fall apart into pixels as you beg nobody to touch you or else they’ll die too. YOU GET TO SEE NPC ROBOTS GO THROUGH THIS. They just beg you not to stand close to them, as they die VERY SLOWLY, and there’s nothing you can do to help! At least it seems like robots can be saved if the squares are caught fast enough, if you remove and replace just the squared parts, before it spreads to the rest. But not every robot is lucky enough to be considered important enough to be repaired, and ones out further away from the Refuge have absolutely no chance... And.. like... everyone is just so casual about this?? It seems its been happening constantly throughout all of living memory! And everyone just acts like its common sense that this is caused by the sun dying, and it’ll stop when Niko brings the new sun to the tower. But I kinda... really dont know?? Is this gonna be the bittersweet part of the ending? This stuff keeps happening even though i can fix every other problem. I mean man it would make a lot of sense that this is what caused the sun to be destroyed in the first place, rather than being caused BY the sun being destroyed. But what caused this to happen??? GAHHHH MYSTERIES I hope at least some of them are answered by the end!

* And OKAY THE BIGGEST MYSTERY Who on earth is The Author? I’m starting to suspect maybe he’s the same person as The Entity?? There’s this mysterious voice you hear on computers that talks to you the player instead of Niko, and does all this random creepypasta nonsense like changing your desktop background and you have to look at that to solve a puzzle, blah. I really dont like that stuff, it just feels pointless and un-fun and like its supposed to be just a novelty that the programmer find a way to do this. And all this OOOO SCARY blablabla doesnt really gel with the more subtle scaryness of a world slowly dying. Plus generally the puzzles are the worst part of the game, no offense. Its always just wandering around a really big and akward place trying to pick up every item and use every item on everything and combine every item. Its like a point and click adventure with a more hard to control interface :P I’m totally here for the story and not the puzzles, i’ve never liked this ‘rpg horror standard’ kind of thing. But anyway I had to mention it cos ‘The Entity’ is kinda integrated with this gameplay mechanic. BUT YEAH ANYWAY Its a mysterious semi-antagonistic-semi-helpful voice that gives you tips for puzzles in a really passive aggressive scary way with interface madness. And even though its helping you it’s constantly being like YOU SUCK and THE WORLD IS DOOMED GIVE UP and EVENTUALLY YOU’LL BELIEVE ME. So i dont really know if this is some sort of final boss villain who caused the pixel infection, or if its some worn-down antihero type who wants to help but has lost faith in the world ever being saved...? I mean.. the only evidence I have for The Entity being the cause of the pixels is literally just ‘it communicates with you via computer, and they’re pixels’. But i dont even know if its literally a talking computer AI thing or its just a guy hacking computers to send you messages... And I’m starting to suspect that this mystery voice might be the same person everyone else knows as The Author? I mean.. you hear about him but apparantly nobody has ever seen him, and his books just constantly keep appearing in the library at a rate faster than you’d think anyone would be able to write. And he knows all this stuff about how the world used to be before the sun died, as if he was there...? And he can apparantly travel everywhere even though nobody else can travel across all these lost wastelands. And everyone thinks he must have a flying machine, but it could also make sense if he was some sort of mystery digital conciousness that can observe everything and manifest via any form of computer screen, yknow! Like.. maybe he is this world’s ACTUAL god?? And I’m just like the only replacement they can get, after he gave up. Which explains why I’m completely fallable and I know nothing about this world even though everyone tells me I’m their god. Me as a characetr is just... me as a person. I’m not even really me in the role of their god, I’m just a player who’s made contact with this other world and has been mistaken for god because god is gone. And I have to do the best I possibly can, to fix the things even god couldnt fix... And its just very mysterious cos some of the books you can read say stuff that outright contradicts the world?? Like, The Author wrote about knowing the head librarian George, even though she says she’s never met him and his manuscripts just appear on her desk very morning. And this part of the book also says how she ‘believed fate was like rolling dice’, whereas the george you meet literally IS a dice-headed human. You’d think it would be weird to even write that down as if it was something out of the ordinary? So like.. maybe this George is some sort of reincarnation or replacement for another one who died??? Maybe all the object head people are actually hyper advanced robots and just dont know it. Like.. Silver looks completely human aside from her glowy armoured body and metallic skintone. And robots are apparantly completely able to become sentient just like humans after being ‘tamed’. As far as everyone knows Silver is the most advanced robot that exists, but maybe like... the object-headed people are her prototypes, and the regular human-looking people are actually all finished robots?? And like.. the world has already died and we’re just left with robots that they tried to make to replace themselves, or to hold their souls or something, and now even they are beginning to fall apart, starting with the least advanced robots. So the pixelization is maybe just like the robots’s glitchy perception of what’s happening when stuff breaks down, or something? Though that’d be sad cos it’d mean even Niko is just a robot designed to be the messiah, and their memories of having a family in another world are all faked to give them a motivation to wanna finish the quest... But whatever, this is just a wild random theory lol. I’m pretty sure the actual ending will be something completely different that makes me laugh at this post in retrospect!

[the-apocryphal-one]

SO I FINISHED THE GAME AND…

It was…umm…wow, I don’t even know what to say.  My mind’s kind of on overdrive even though I decided to wait a few hours so I could slow down a little but I’m still…wow.  THAT TRIAL.  I’m an incoherent mess right now. 

Well I’ll start with Junko because I don’t know where to begin with Hajime.  I’ll leave him for last because I’ll probably end up babbling about him the most.

JUNKO’S BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER.  Seriously, she is the best.  I love Junko so much.  I’d never, ever want to meet someone like her in real life of course and I think she’s a terrible person in every sense of the word, but she is such an entertaining villain and I love her so much.  Seriously, she is one of the best villains in the history of villains.  Her design’s great, her voice and the way she talks is great, her fourth wall jokes are great, turning into a gigantic version of herself and getting a 3D model is great, her plan is so crazy, so Junko, I just have to love it.  She’s such a fantastic villain and I don’t know how future games will ever be able to beat her.  She’s a good villain, but she doesn’t make me want to root for her and it’s still satisfying as hell to beat her.  Junko’s great.  She’s probably the one who “improved” Hangman’s Gambit considering how unfair it is.  I sure felt tons of despair whenever I played it.  The ONE thing I didn’t think the creators took advantage of was her saying she could imitate the characters’ friends’ personalities.  She could have just started talking as their friends just to mess with the characters.  Chiaki when she’s talking to Hajime, Peko to Fuyuhiko, and so on.  Maybe it would need more time or something so they weren’t able to do it, but I’d have really liked seeing that.  She’s already emotionally tormenting them.  Why not a little more?  It would have been nice to see.  

Akane was…the longer she was one of the survivors, the less I tolerated her.  I might just be bitter because some of my favorites were killed off but she’s just not entertaining.  I can’t even remember her name half of the time.  Sigh, she could have so easily been Ibuki…

Kazuichi was likable.  I’m sure if I did more free time events with him I’d have definitely enjoyed him more, but I liked him.  Nothing too much stands out about him, but there really isn’t too much to dislike or even say about him for me.  I think the most I remember about him is the bear trap teeth and “Are my words being displayed on a screen right now?!”  Trial six got meta. 

I liked Sonia too, more than Kazuichi.  She was by far more entertaining than him, and actually did stuff.  I got a kick out of her being a weeb.  I’m glad she was a survivor.  

Fuyuhiko didn’t die, and I’m happy.  That means he can show up again and that’s good.  Unless I’m forgetting something, he was the only survivor to have a character arc so it makes sense why I’d get attached to him.  I’ve talked about him before so I won’t go too much into him.

Never did I think I would be so happy to see Makoto.  Ever.  He always seems to shine at the endgame, huh?  Seeing Byakuya again makes me wonder why I missed him.  Geez, he’s such a jerk.  But it’s okay because Kyoko!  Kyoko’s the best and seeing her again made me really happy.  I’m sad there was no Toko but I’ll live.  She was referenced in the epilogue so I’ll take it.

Nagito’s still nuts, except now that I know more about him, he’s somehow even more crazy.  He hacked his arm off just so he could have Junko’s arm?  What the hell?  Like, wasn’t Junko crushed to death?  How does that even work?  Of course that’s not even scratching the surface of what other people did to her crushed-to-death corpse.  I think I’ll just avoid talking about that, though…

And finally, HAJIME.  OH, HAJIME.  YOU’RE THE REASON I WAS LEFT STARING BLANKLY AT MY COMPUTER SCREEN WONDERING WHAT’S GOING ON.

When you said Hajime’s voice actor really shone late-game, holy crap, you really meant it.  I am so glad that I decided to play the game with the English dub (other than not having to read the Nonstop Debate text flying around).  I wouldn’t have been nearly as affected by hearing Hajime’s breakdown with just words on a screen.  I’m not saying his Japanese VA is bad at all, but it’s more effective when you can understand what’s being said, y'know?  

Just imagine finding out that you’re arguably on par with pretty much evil incarnate.  His breakdown was just so bad, the final portion of the trial was dedicated to it, which was definitely a good choice.  In fact, the climax of his character arc was given more focus than the climax of the game.  And I liked it.  Seeing him just completely shut down was…I don’t know how to describe it.  It was unnerving, in a way, I think is one way to describe it.  It makes you think that him and Nagito are probably more alike than he wants to admit.  Or, at least, pre-game Hajime was a lot like Nagito.  Both were willing to go to drastic ends to become “useful”, and that was what killed them in the end.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but Izuru Kamukura was an invented person put in Hajime’s brain, right?  He was never a person who died then his personality was reinvented then slapped on this random high school student?  I kind of got that from Junko’s line of “Izuru Kamukura 1.0” but I want to be sure.

I really have no idea what else to say about him because there’s so much that can be said.  I’m sure words will come to me in a few days when I’m able to properly digest everything.  And, I don’t know, watching Danganronpa 3 over the weekend.

But I think the biggest tragedy out of all of this was Hajime losing all of his monocoins.  I wasn’t even able to spend all the ones I had collected.  It was over 500, I think.  All the things I could have bought…

OH, AND AGAIN WITH THE EPIC FORESHADOWING!!  In the first game it was a random PhotoShop mention, and in this game it was the characters talking about these plot twists about mystery novels where the detective or the protagonist turns out to be the Big Bad all along.  The foreshadowing in both of these games is absolutely amazing and I love it.  Hajime’s (or rather, Izuru?) not just the villain of his game, he’s one of the main villains in the entire series.  

I have a few questions, though.  How did he not revert back to Izuru when he helped shut down the game?  How did all the other survivors not completely revert back to their Ultimate Despair selves?  Why did his hair randomly change color?  I get it was because if they did, the game wouldn’t exactly have too much closure, but I don’t really get it.  I’ll probably go back and replay the sixth chapter again at some point, but I’d like to hear your explanation(s) for it first.  

I don’t have much to say about the plot because I think I mostly said it all with Hajime, since he’s so closely tied to it.

So yeah, this game was amazing.  Yeah, I liked the gameplay better in the first game, but everything else is just so fantastic, it doesn’t even matter because I loved everything else about it so much.

—-

:D :D :D :D

I TOLD YOU TRIAL SIX WAS WORTH IT

Man I never even thought of Junko pretending to be the deceased students. Makes me sad she actually didn’t. But yep, I was happy to see her return (only because I felt she worked well here too. I wouldn’t want her to become like Ganondorf and always be the final boss). She does an epic job of breaking our cast down one by one. And lol, yep, that’s a good explanation why Hangman’s Gambit it so much worse! She’s doing it to drink our tears.

Haha, I’m glad you like the survivors more than me. Agree with you about Akane, but Kazuichi’s Sonia-stalking became way too much and Sonia’s always just kind of been there for me. Hajime and Fuyuhiko were the only ones I liked.

Lmao Byakuya comes back and you go right back to hating him! But I’m glad you liked Makoto and Kyoko’s cameo!

Nagito just really loves and hates Junko. Junko was crushed, but I honestly believe that Nagito’s luck just preserved enough of her body for him to hack her arm off.

HAJIME IS A FANTASTIC CHARACTER AND A PRECIOUS BABY. NOW YOU TOO HAVE BEEN ENLIGHTENED.

JYB is so magnificent in Trial 6, it’s one of my favorite performances ever. The pure agony in his voice is heartbreaking. And it’s really what cemented Hajime as my favorite protagonist (that and the revelations of Trial 6 in general). Like, he wanted to be special so much he sacrificed his humanity for it, only to have a hand in destroying the world. That would shake up anyone!

Right, Izuru Kamukura, the one you see in Chapter 0, is an entirely new persona who was only ‘born’ when Hajime went through the surgeries. There was a predecessor, the founder of the school–that’s who Junko is referring to when she says “Izuru Kamukura 1.0″. He’s long dead and has nothing to do with Izuru Kamukura, result of the Hope Cultivation Project.

There was even more foreshadowing in DR0, the novel I suggested reading! It’s where Izuru first gets set up. Interestingly, some of what is revealed there contradicts some of what Junko claims about him here. Take that to mean what you will.

Who says he didn’t revert to Izuru? :) He’s got every talent, I’m sure Ultimate Actor is in there as well…

Okay, serious answer, the power of hope/friendship/belief in yourself is why he and the others are okay. They basically woke up with their memories of what happened in the simulation and their real memories, and they decided to do what Chiaki said and make their own future. Basically, sheer will is why they can fight back against despair. Cheesy, but they deserve it.

Why did his hair go from brown to black, or black to brown? …I really have no idea. He might have dyed it back to brown, but I don’t know why it changed color in the first place.

I have three things to say about watching Danganronpa 3 (looking forward to your thoughts on that too)! First, the episode order is Future 1 -> Despair 1 -> Future 2 -> Despair 2 etc. Don’t watch all of one side first, stuff that happens in the other arc will get spoiled that way. Side:Future covers Makoto and the DR1 cast after the events of SDR2, while Side:Despair shows how the world (and the SDR2 cast) fell to despair.

Second, contrary to playing the games in English, I’d suggest watching the subbed version first. This is because the dub, while not bad…is hilarious. It’s so hilarious it loses some of the serious emotion. It’s like an Abridged series (I’m not joking). It’s worth a watch, but second.

Third, there is an episode of Side:Future that references the events of the gaiden game Ultra Despair Girls, so it’s recommended to have some knowledge of what happens there. If you’re too impatient to play it, you can get away with watching the cutscenes on Youtube.

I’m glad you loved this game so much, and congrats on beating it! Sorry the gameplay never became your thing, but like you said everything else is just so, so good. It’s still my favorite to this day.

[jolienjoyswriting]

Found and Lost, Epilogue

The epilogue for "Found and Lost," an Essence of Ragnarok story…

An epilogue to an Essence of Ragnarok story?  Well, there's a first time for everything… And, frankly, I think I needed it, after what happened…

Word count: 6,131 – Character count: 35,591 Originally written: March 20th, 2017 Revised on: September 8th, 2017

Nothing can heal certain wounds… but, sometimes… words can help.

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

    It had been a month since everything had happened… but Joseph still found himself questioning everything… wondering why it had to be that way.  On that particular day, the fox found himself sitting inside of a large, empty cathedral.  Though he wasn’t particularly religious, something about the serenity within and the stained glass interpretations of the Trinity Above always made him feel peaceful…

    “It just doesn’t make any sense…” he quietly said, to himself, as he sat in the front row of the pews, staring at the floor.  “Hope was a good person…  The only harm she ever did to anyone was in self-defense – and, even then, she felt really bad about it, later…  She was always so cheerful and happy… she frequently worked to help people… and, she just… she really lived up to her name, always giving people hope…  So… why did she have to… go away, like she did…?”     “I could tell you… but, I sincerely doubt it would matter.”     A voice called from the rear of the cathedral, alerting the fox.  As he turned around, he noticed a familiar figure walking in.

    The tall, white wolf named “Lyra” had arrived.  Though she wore her usual purple business suit, there were two differences in her appearance.  Firstly, she wore low-heeled shoes which, while still attractive, shaved a couple of inches from her impressive height and, secondly, she had a cane in one hand.  Both of these attributes seemed easily-explained as, when she walked toward the front of the chapel, he could easily see the weakness she had in one leg.     His ears fell… both from just plain seeing her… and, from knowing why she was injured.  However, she paid him little mind as she walked in.  Rather, without saying another word to Joseph, she went straight to the altar.  A moment later, she knelt down and closed her eyes…  The fox watched as she stayed there for several moments…  He stood to meet her as she rose up and turned his way, after she was done.

    “If… anyone can tell me why things happened the way they did…” Joseph said in a quiet voice, walking over to the taller figure, “you can.”     “As I said…” she started, “I doubt it would matter.  But, if you truly wish to know then I suppose I can spare a few minutes of my time.”     Lyra walked over beside the fox and sat down, hanging her cane off the back of the pew.      “But, no more than a few,” she calmly emphasized.     Joseph hesitated to speak as he sat back down.  He seemed to be looking at her right leg…     “Please, stop staring,” the wolf shortly requested.  “My leg will heal.  It may never be as strong as it once was… but, it will heal.”     “I just– I’m… sorry.  I, somehow, feel responsible…”     “You did nothing to cause my injuries, Mr. Lithius.  Your friend, however…”     Joseph’s ears fell back farther.  Lyra could practically see his heart sink…     “For what it’s worth, however…”     She turned her head toward the fox and pulled her bangs away from her left eye.  In the moderate light of the cathedral, Joseph could see the red of the eye glow…

    “I’ve always wanted a cybernetic eye,” she said in a straightforward way.  “Though, I cannot say I appreciate the reason as to why I possess it… the eye has been quite helpful.  Connecting to the M.C.P.D. database and seeing the information via head-up display has been… highly invaluable.  I am still getting used to it, however.”     “Still, though…” the fox said with a frown.  “Why didn’t you arrest her?”     “Robots… androids… even artificial intelligence programs… are easy to understand,” she said as she looked back toward the altar.  “People, on the other hand…  They remain as confusing as ever.  Maybe I should have arrested Ms. Ingmann… but, I didn’t.”     Joseph waited for more to that thought… but, when it was apparent that she was done talking, he looked at the floor, again.

    “I notice,” she randomly started again, “that you did not go the same route with your own eye, Mr. Lithius.”     “Huh?”  The fox gave a blink… then reached up to his left eye.  “Oh, right.”     He looked back to Lyra with a smile, giving his black eyepatch a rub through the empty hole in his glasses frame.     “‘Sudden tissue failure,’ was it?” the wolf commented.     “Yeah…” he chuckled.  “I guess that’s in the M.C.P.D. database, too?”     “Medical records are indeed a part of what I can access.  My apologies if that invades your privacy.”     “No, no…”  He gave a hollow laugh.  “But, yeah…  My left eye just… shut down, for some reason.  The doctors have no idea why.  It just got worse-and-worse, over this year, before it finally gave out.”     “I see.”     “In a way, I guess it’s kind of a blessing in disguise, too?”  He smiled.  “One glass lens is way cheaper than two, for one thing…  Plus, I think the eyepatch makes me look cool.”     When Lyra didn’t respond, Joseph decided to stop talking, again.  The two remained silent for a few moments, after.

    “Between work and recovery, I never got the chance to tell you…”     The fox perked as Lyra broke the silence.  When he looked up, she still wore her usual, stony expression, despite her voice sounding less sharp.     “I know the A.I…”  She paused.  “I know… ‘she…’ meant a lot, to you.”     Joseph’s ears fell, again, but he didn’t vocally respond to the words.     “As far as artificial intelligence programs go… even I have to admit, the one you called ‘Hope’ certainly was one-of-a-kind.”     “Yeah…  I know…” the fox coldly stated.     “You have every right to be angry with me,” she said in her usual tone, “but, I hope you realize… I was simply following orders.”     “A lot of people do a lot of bad things ‘under orders…’”     “I couldn’t care less as to whether or not you think I’m a ‘bad person,” Mr. Lithius.”     Joseph hesitated before saying, “I… don’t, though.”     When Lyra didn’t respond, he decided to expand on that thought.

    “Even good people do bad things, sometimes.  Hope shattered her at-the-time boyfriend’s jaw, once, because he said something horrible to her… but, that didn’t mean she was a bad person.  My at-the-time girlfriend broke up with me then disappeared for a year… but, that doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, either.  Carlos almost killed me…”     Lyra perked upon hearing that… but, she remained quiet.     “But, since then… he’s been a really great friend.  I think if things had gone differently… we could have been friends a lot sooner… but, well… things didn’t.  To get to the point of what I’m saying, though… I don’t think you’re a bad person, Miss Lyra.  I don’t hate you… I don’t really even dislike you.  Even if every fiber of my being says that I should.”     A tear broke free from Joseph’s good eye and he gave a long, shaky sigh.     “You killed my girlfriend…  You killed Hope.  She’s gone… forever… a-and, there’s nothing anyone can do to bring her back.”     He looked to one side.     “Maybe, I should hate you…  Maybe, I should have done what Jessie did…  But…”     He offered a hollow smile before whispering…     “What would that accomplish…?”

    Lyra remained silent as Joseph’s monologue came to a close.  Her face remained still and she seemed completely unphased by his words, no matter how emotional.  If Joseph had said any of that for a particular reason… it seemed as though his words were wasted on her.

    “Why did you choose to love an A.I, Joseph?”     The fox shook his head in a start before looking up at the wolf.  As she had been, she remained seated and facing forward.     “I didn’t ‘choose’ to love her, Miss Lyra…” he quietly said as he looked at the floor.  “‘Love’ generally isn’t a choice you make.  Sometimes, it just happens… and, it just so happened that, over the years, I found myself drawn to Hope.  Maybe there was a reason?  Maybe there wasn’t…  I just know that she was a warm, wonderful person who didn’t deserve to die…”     “She was an artificial construct created by a lonely roboticist looking for a reliable lab assistant he could easily control,” Lyra countered.  “Her personality was predetermined and her emotions were false.  Anything she claimed to have ‘felt’ was simply reactionary programming based on complex algorithms and else-if statements.  Nothing.  More.”

    Joseph gave a blink as Lyra’s tone became more forceful toward the end of her response.  He’d started to feel angry she was tearing down his friend, like that… but, as she’d changed her tone, somehow… that diffused his temperament… and, it caused him to react a little oddly…

    “What’s so funny?” Lyra asked, noticing that the fox was starting to laugh.     “‘Complex algorithms’ and ‘else-if statements…’  Heh.  Maybe that’s what all forms of emotion really are…  Just a series of ‘if this happens then do this’ events…”     She remained silent, at that.     “But, then… I guess if that were true…”     The fox looked up at Lyra.

    “Emotions would be a lot more predictable.  ‘Love’ certainly would be less confusing if we could dissect it, I’ll tell you that much…  I mean… was laughter really the ‘correct’ response to what you just said?  Shouldn’t I have been angry, instead?”     He shook his head and emitted a sigh.     “Who can say…  Maybe not even the Trinity Above.”     And, once again, the cathedral filled with silence as the two blankly stared ahead.  Neither one of them seemed like they had anything to say, for the time.

    “Are you sure you loved the A.I?”     Joseph gave another sigh at Lyra’s question.     “That was a question I asked myself time-and-time-again.  ‘Do I really love Hope?  Or, is it some other sort of attraction?’”     He paused… then, he looked to Lyra, again.     “Don’t know if this is in your files… but, I’m not exactly a ‘one love’ type of person; I firmly believe that you can love more than one person… be in love with more than one person.  That’s been my love life for years, now… and, the people involved with me understand that… even if they, themselves, aren’t like me.  I’ve… actually really been lucky, in that regard.  I’ve heard some horror stories about jealous lovers… ones that ended horribly, too.  I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, yourself, if you don’t mind the assumption – though, hopefully, not first-hand.”     When she remained unmoved and unresponsive to the statement, Joseph gave a light chuckle and continued on his train of thought.

    “I don’t particularly believe that everyone as ‘that one true love,’ out there… but, if… for some reason… I had to pick one, for myself?”  He sighed before saying, “It would have been her.”     “What made the A.I. so special, to you?” Lyra quietly asked.     “If I could tell you that…” Joseph said with another chuckle, “I’d be the best psychologist in the world.”     Lyra paused before speaking, again.     “Did you ever stop to consider that the A.I’s ‘love’ may have been manufactured?  Inauthentic?  That the A.I. couldn’t truly feel ‘love’ in the way sentient creatures do?”     “Ask me if I care, lady.”     That seemed to throw her off guard.     “W… what?”     “Sometimes,” Joseph started again, “‘love’ isn’t about what’s ‘real’ and what isn’t.  I’ve been on this ball of dirt and water long enough to know that if someone claims to love you, regardless of who they are or where they come from… you’re not supposed to question that claim.  I mean, sure… you can ask ‘why…’ but, nine-times-out-of-ten, you can expect either a straight-up ‘I don’t know…’ or a lot of sweet little words.  No, Miss Lyra…  ‘Love’ isn’t something you can analyze, much less predict.  ‘Love’ simply is… and when someone loves you… truly loves you… you can just tell.  Not always… but, sometimes…”

    There was a long pause before Lyra muttered something under her breath.     “Sorry?” Joseph said, looking over to her.  “What was that?”     “I said, ‘You’re a bigger idiot than I thought you were.’”     “Oh.”  His ears fell… as did his brow.  “Well, aren’t you nice?”     “Artificial intelligence programs absolutely cannot love you,” she said in a firm tone, half-glaring at the fox.  “They may be capable of simulating love, but–”     “I don’t care.”     “What?”  She gave a blink of her red eyes and took on a curious look.     “I said… ‘I don’t–’”     “I heard you!” she exclaimed.  “I just…”     Joseph looked up at Lyra’s face… and, he had to blink.  The look she wore… was one that he remembered from a month prior; a sad, confused sort of look.  And, that… reminded him of something he’d briefly wondered…

    “I think I know why you disassociate yourself with A.Is. like you do.”     The stoniness returned to her face… but, she knew she’d let her guard down far more than she’d intended.  As she reached for her cane, however… she felt something touch her hand.     “Move your hand…” she said in a quiet, almost threatening tone.     “It’s okay, Miss Lyra…” was Joseph’s compassionate reply.  “I understand.”     “No.  You do not.”     “Maybe.  But…”  He offered a friendly smile.  “I’d like to.”

    For a moment, Lyra just sat there, glaring at the fox.  He was well within her personal space – at least, emotionally – and, she didn’t like it one bit.  When it became obvious she wasn’t intimidating him, however… she simply sighed and pulled her hand away, slumping on the pew and looking up to the tall ceiling of the cathedral.

    “Look…” she said with an impatient tone, “don’t make conjectures, about me.  If I’d wanted to ‘open up’ to you, I would have.  Just… suffice to say that, yes… I have had… less-than-favorable encounters with artificial intelligence programs.”     “Were you in love with one?”     Lyra paused… then, she sighed, again.     “If I say ‘yes,’ will you cease this invasive inquiry?”     “If you said ‘yes,’” Joseph started, “would it be an honest answer?”     Again, Lyra paused before speaking.     “You are a highly vexing individual, Mr. Lithius.”     He gave a chuckle.  “I get that, sometimes.”

    Once again, there was silence in the cathedral as Joseph watched Lyra stare at the ceiling.  Briefly, he found himself distracted as he heard the main doors open.  An elderly couple had walked inside together and taken a seat in the rear, though it was hard to tell if they were paying their respects… or, simply trying to get out from the cold, snowy weather.

    “I’m sorry…” Lyra suddenly spoke up.  “I truly am.  But, if I had the chance to make the choice, again… I would follow the judge’s orders, once again.”     “What did you even do to Hope, anyway?” Joseph asked out of genuine curiosity.  “She seemed just fine, the night we went home… but, she was gone, the next morning…”     The fox swallowed hard, his head hanging and his ears folding back.     “I… I made her breakfast that morning…  She wouldn’t wake up, though…  She… she…”     “Stop.”     Joseph snapped out of his temporary emotional state as Lyra spoke.  He took a moment to regain his composure, rubbing his freshly-moistened cheeks and clearing his nose with a sniff before mumbling an apology, to the wolf.  A moment later, she sat up and turned his way.

    “If you must know…” she started, “after determining that Dr. Lewis was indeed the creator and owner of both the android body and the artificial intelligence program, it was decided that the android would be returned to the doctor only after his sentence was served, which is why the M.C.P.D. retrieved the shell the following morning.  The judge also determined that, since the existing A.I. seemed to be an unintentional effect of circumstance – or, at the very least, not the intended program, as made by the creator – the ‘Hope’ A.I. would need to be purged from the system and made unrecoverable.  The judge ordered me to place an ‘erasure’ program into the android which would, in essence, completely eradicate the A.I. program and cause irreversible damage to that part of the hardware.  I… didn’t want to do that, however, and was able to convince the judge to allow an alternative.”     “Wait.  You… told the judge ‘no?’”  The fox gave a surprised blink.     “I was able to convince the judge that, as the A.I. had been a functioning, helpful, taxpaying citizen of Masamune City for many good years, it had earned a sort of ‘good faith’ reprieve from its sentence… a little time to ‘say goodbye,’ as it were.  After looking over the records, the judge hesitantly agreed… with one caveat: the A.I. would be monitored at all times it remained active.  I agreed to this term… but…”     “But…?”     “But…”  Lyra hesitated.  “The A.I… did not.”     Joseph gave another blink, his ears perking.  He wasn’t sure what Lyra had meant by that… and pressed onward.     “What do you mean, ‘Hope didn’t agree?’”     “I’m… not sure I want to tell you,” she said, her tone turning cautious.  “It might upset you.”     “And, if I never find out… I’ll probably upset myself, thinking about it.  It’s a Catch 22, at this point, lady… so, please…”  He looked up with pleading eyes.  “Tell me what happened?”     Lyra took a deep breath… then, she gave a nod, before continuing.

    “As I said, the A.I. did not agree to the given terms.  It, instead, supplied its own alternative: if it could spend one last night with the person it… ‘loved…’ without observation and without worry… it would willingly accept its fate, without question.”     “Hope… wanted to spend one last night with me…?”     Lyra ignored the fact Joseph was starting to cry, again, wanting to finish her tale.     “The judge was hesitant… but, I added my own input to the counter-offer, suggesting that I could implant a ‘time bomb’ program into the A.I.’s coding which would perform a full, irreversible ‘nuke’ of the A.I.’s coding at a set time, rather than right away.  The A.I. agreed to this… and, though the judge was skeptical… he also agreed.  Despite the outcry from Mr. Magnus and his wife… I installed the program and set to activate at 6 AM, the next day.

    “The sole reason you were able to spend one last bit of time with your… ‘beloved…’ was due to its timely intervention and creative compromise.  I would not have thought to suggest such a solution, myself… nor, did I particularly wish the A.I. be erased, to begin with.  But… the law can be unforgiving, at times, Joseph… and, sometimes, it seems… ‘cruel.’”     She gave a light sigh…     “I am truly sorry, for this… but, even ‘Hope’ had accepted its ‘her’ fate.  ‘She’ knew that, no matter how strongly she ‘felt…’ she was ultimately still an artificial intelligence program… not a ‘person.’  She… did ask me something rather odd, as I was installing the program, however…”

    Joseph was doing his best to keep it together… but hearing, all of these new things, a month after Hope was gone… was really doing a number on his emotional state.  He had to wipe his eyes, cheeks, and even his nose before he could ask the wolf…     “Wh… what did she say?”     “She asked me…”  Lyra paused.  “‘Do you believe in reincarnation?’”     “W… what…?” Joseph squeaked, tears still rolling down his white-furred cheeks.     “That was roughly my reaction, as well,” she admitted before continuing.

    “In any event, I’d asked her if she’d meant ‘back-ups…’ but, she told me, ‘no,’ and proceeded to explain the idea of reincarnation in the context of religion; that she believed that all things with a ‘soul’ would once again come into existence, as new life.  When I told her that I didn’t agree with that philosophy or believe in ‘souls…’ she laughed then told me that was ‘too bad.’  She then told me that, regardless, she’d hoped she would meet me, in her next life, when her soul reincarnated.  I told her that, as a machine, she would have no soul, regardless of whether they exist or not.  She had no response for that… other than to close her eyes and smile.”

    Lyra gave a hard swallow and looked to one side.  Joseph then noticed… the wolf’s ears had moved.  They were folded back!     “You… really are sorry, aren’t you…?” he asked as he wiped his cheeks again.     “Hope was… a unique individual…” was all Lyra could say.  “It… I…”     She shuddered… but, just as quickly as the feelings came, they left her and she regained her stony composure.  The two then returned to silence, Joseph looking at the floor and Lyra looking at the altar.

    “Now, I’m starting to wonder about something else…”     The wolf’s ears perked as Joseph spoke, again, but she didn’t respond.     “I’m starting to wonder… why Hope didn’t tell me she was going to die?  Why didn’t she tell me what the judge said?  Why didn’t she tell me about this conversation?  Why didn’t she tell me about anything that happened, after the fact?”     “It should be obvious… especially, to you.”     The fox tilted his head as Lyra spoke again.     “If you had known that she would be gone, the following morning, what would you have done, that night?”     “I… probably would have tried to find a way to stop it from happening.”     “Tell me, then… what did you end up doing, that night?”     “Hope and I…  Hope and I…”     Lyra glanced over to the fox.  He was starting to get weepy, again, but she remained quiet.     “H-Hope and I…” he continued as he calmed himself.  “We spent the night together… in each other’s arms…  We stargazed… and reminisced about the past…  She told me about her favorite time in history… one she would want to relive over-and-over… if she could.  We… we had the perfect night together, basically…  She… she died… with the most beautiful… smile…”     The old couple in the back looked up, their silence interrupted by the sound of Joseph breaking down.  The two passed a worried frown to each other before hugging… then they slowly rose from their pews and left the cathedral, leaving Joseph and Lyra alone, once more.

    After spending a couple of minutes letting his emotions go, Joseph took another minute to recover…  His lone eye was cracked, his face was visibly red, under his fur, and his ears and tail were hanging as low as they ever had.  Yet, despite all of that… Lyra seemed unmoved.  She offered no support with her words nor had she offered him a shoulder to cry on or arms to hold him.  She simply let him express himself in the way he felt appropriate…  Nothing more.

    “Thank you, Miss Lyra.”     The wolf’s ears perked, again.  She glanced down at Joseph to see him rubbing his face free of the lingering tears.  There was a long pause from before she replied… “You’re welcome.”     “You’re… not a bad person, you know.  You’re really not.”     She hesitated… then, she looked away, declining response.     “If you ever want to talk, again…” he offered.  Once again, she didn’t respond.     “That… hey… that reminds me.”  The fox suddenly wondered… “What… did you come in here for, anyway?  I mean, I saw you praying but…”     “That,” the wolf said as she slowly got to her feet, “is between myself and the Trinity.”     When Joseph offered an apology, Lyra gave a nod, then offered the fox a hand up.  He politely declined before getting to his own feet and stretching…

    “Well… I guess I’ll see you around, Miss Lyra” the fox said with a smile.     “Just… ‘Lyra,’ is fine,” she said with slight hesitation.     “Okay…”  Joseph debated making a joke… but decided to end his thought with, “Lyra.”     For the first time that he could remember… Lyra smiled.  She then headed out of the cathedral, Joseph following shortly after.  As the two went their separate ways… both felt wiser, after their talk, and… perhaps… left with less burden, on their souls. –––––

    “David!  Hey, David!”

    Rounded, white-rimmed ears perked at the sound of a name calling to them.  The owner of the ears lifted his white-furred, black-masked face, looking around in surprise.  They jolted a second later as a black wolf face poked into their sight.     “Ash, Ivy, and Sky, Alexandria!” David said, almost falling out of his seat and causing the wolf to grin.  “You scared the crap outta me!”     “I certainly hope not.  You stink enough, as it is, raccoon-boy!”     The raccoon smirked.  “You’re a punk, you know that?”     “Takes one to know one, David!” was her response.  “Anyway, we’re here, so, c’mon!”

    The two headed out of the school bus and stepped down onto the nearby sidewalk.  David gave a heavy sigh as he looked at the familiar location of their high school.     “Look at them, Lex…” he said as he walked toward the main building.  “Just a whole bunch of drones, the lot of ‘em!”     “Well, David…” Alexandria said as she walked up beside him, “When you’re in school, being a ‘drone’ is kind of what you do, isn’t it?”     “Yeah, well… I’m not like the rest of these people!  While these guys are gonna flip burgers and work 9-to-5 jobs, I’m gonna be a famous musician and make loads’a money!”     “And, you wonder why people call you ‘Daydreamin’ Davey,’” the wolf said with a grin.     “Nobody calls me that!” was David’s rebuttal.  “At least, not since… ‘the incident.’”     “Oh, quit your daydreaming and c’mon,” she said as she pulled away from the raccoon.  “Class is about to start.”     “Huh?  Hey!  W-wait up!”  David was quick to follow.     Moments later, the two arrived at their lockers, next to the girls’ bathroom.

    “You know,” David said as he tinkered with his combination lock, “every new year we start here, I thank the people up above that our lockers just happened to be placed, right here!”     “I don’t see why…” Alexandria replied as she banged on her locker door.  It seemed to be jammed.  “These things are old, beat up, and just terrible…”     “That may be true… but, their location could not be better!”     “I guess it is handy, being able to use the bathroom, then grab stuff for the next class.”     “It’s also a great place to pick up cute chicks!”     “Wh–”  Alexandria narrowed her red eyes… then sighed.  “Oh, of course…  I don’t know how I keep forgetting that every year, too… you perv.”     “Bah, you’re just worried that, when I find that ‘special someone,’ I’ll forget all about my best bud!”     “Nooo… I’m more worried that, at some point, one of those girls is going to clobber you!”     “Shows what you know.  Chicks dig me!  Ain’t that right, ladies?”     David made finger-guns at a group of girls leaving the restroom.  They looked among themselves in confusion… then, they collectively laughed as they walked away.     “See?  What’d I tell ya?”     “Mmm… yeah.  I don’t think that was the kind of laughter you were going for, David…”     “It was still a reaction!” he replied.  Alexandria just shook her head…

    After gathering their textbooks, the two separated for their individual morning classes.  David found himself as bored as ever while he sat in Math class and ended up catching the attention of the teacher by doodling on his test.  After making fun of his History teacher, however, he found himself slapped with detention, for the day.  It was a little annoying… but, to him, it was worth it just to see the teacher’s face turn red in anger.

    With morning classes out of the way, the student body relocated in the school cafeteria.  David, in particular, was looking forward to the day’s food.     “Sloppy Joes and curly fries are the way to start the new school year!  Right, Xandri?”     “I told you not to call me that!” Alexandria said with a blush as the two headed to an empty table, together.     “Aww, but it fits you!  You’re such a unique li’l girl, aren’t you, Xandri?  Yes, you are!  Yes, you– d’ack!!”     A sudden stomp to the foot told David he’d pushed the girl a little too far.     “Ow.  Sheesh…  Can’t you take a joke, Lex?” he said with folded ears.     “I take you everywhere I go, don’t I?” she replied with a smirk, sitting down at a table.     “Oh, fuuunnyyy…”  David rolled his eyes as he sat across from her.  “You know, maybe if you were a little more girly, you’d have a boyfriend by now.”     “Boys are stupid,” she spat before taking a massive bite of her salad.     “No, what’s ‘stupid’ is a carnivore that eats nothing but greens!  Live a little, Lex!”     “My ‘rents are vegetarians and so were their ‘rents… and, their ‘rents before them… and, their ‘rents before them, and–”     “Yeah-yeah… ‘family tradition.’  I got it.  Sheesh…”     “Besides…  Someone had to get the vegetarian and vegan students to band together to get this school to offer healthier alternatives!”     “You had such a crazy freshman year…” he chuckled before nibbling on his sandwich.  “I’d be proud of you… if you weren’t such a dork.”     “Takes one to know one!”     “Yeah, well, I… I…”  He paused.  “I wanna know who that girl who just walked by is.”

    Alexandria looked up from her salad and watched her friend’s head turn.  She followed his line of sight over… then, she gave a blink of her red eyes as she took noticed of a human girl, standing there.  From that distance, she could see the girl was dressed in a lemon-colored, button-up blouse, lime-colored jeans, black Mary Janes with ankle straps, and was carrying a soccer ball.  She also had a nice smile, green eyes, and most unusual of all… blue, shoulder-length hair.

    “Huh…  I’ve never seen her.”  The wolf turned back to her salad, taking another bite before adding, “She must be a new student.”     “She’s… really pretty.”     “I guess she’s alright?  Kinda short, though.  But, if she plays soccer, that could be good for our school’s team!  Short players can be pretty wiry!”     “Mmm…”     Alexandria looked up… and, almost immediately, she noticed that David had stopped eating.  Another glance at his line-of-sight told her that he was still staring at the new student… and, the smile on his face told her something else, as well…

    “Oh, Trinity Above…  Are you crushing on the new girl, David?”     “Wh– wuh– huh?”  The raccoon shook his head, snapping out of his daze.  “What?  No!  Don’t be stupid, Lex!  I–”     But, the smirk on her face stopped him cold.     “Yeah, I totally am, aren’t I?” he said as he slumped down on the table.     “New year, new crush, I guess!”     “What?”  He gave a blink.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”     “Well, let’s see…”  Alexandria brought a hand up and began counting as she spoke.  “There was that bookish bear lady and the mouse girl from shop class, your freshman year…  Then the rabbit lady from the comedy club, the year after…  Oh, remember that time you thought the dressmaker’s dummy was a blond girl?  How embarrassing!  Then, there was–”     “Alright already!”  David gave a huff.  “I get the point.  I’ve had a lot of crushes.  But, this one… this one’s different.  I can feel it!  There’s something different about this one…”     “Sure thing, playboy,” the wolf said with a laugh.  “In any case, better hurry up with lunch.  The bell’s going to ring in–”     She stopped in mid-thought, ears perking at the aforementioned noise.     “Oh, now look what you’ve done!”  She gave a huff as she got up from the table.  “I didn’t get to finish my salad, because of you!  Oh, well…  At least it’s good compost material.”     “Gross,” the raccoon chuckled.     “Anyway, we’d better get to class.  See you in Home Economics, sport!”     He gave a grumble…  “Home Ec?  More like ‘Home Blech…”     “You’re just mad because you can’t cook,” Alexandria teased.     “Yeah, well… who needs to know how to cook, anyway?”

    Despite his protests, David was actually kind of excited for Home Ec. that afternoon – or, at least, the homework that went with it.  The class was charged with making a healthy dinner for their family and was given some example ideas to work with.  David had an idea of his own which involved some leftover turkey, spices, and a little kitchen know-how he’d picked up from his mom.  That kept him energized as he continued, the rest of that day.

    The remainder of the afternoon’s classes went considerably smoother than the morning ones had, for David.  Though he wasn’t paying as much attention as he could have during Geometry, he was very attentive for Writing, as he had been in previous years.  There was just something interesting, to him, about their language and all its weird pronunciations of words… though the so-called “Rules of Writing” always rubbed him the wrong way as half of them didn’t make any sense and the other half were always in debate, it seemed like.

    As the clock struck 3:30 PM, he felt excited to go home… before he remembered that he had to serve detention, that day, for his shenanigans in History.  He headed into the detention room with a grumble and sat down near the back.  Thankfully… the hour went by, fairly quickly.  The teacher there was very lax about letting students draw or listen to music, once they’d finished their homework – provided they had any for that day.  As soon as the teacher had let them go, however, David was out the door… only to be stopped again by something else, entirely.     “Sonova–!!”

    The raccoon fell to his rump after colliding with something… and, as he did, he heard a soft, feminine yelp.  When he’d looked up, he noticed a familiar figure sat in front of him, having also landed on their own behind, from the looks of it.     The figure had shoulder-length blue hair which was tied into a small ponytail.  They also had brilliant, green eyes, soft facial features, cream-colored skin, and seemed to be wearing a T-shirt and sports shorts… which were covered in a lot of grass and mud stains.  Despite the different outfit, however, David knew who he’d bumped into.     I-i-it’s her!  Th… the girl from the cafeteria!!         “Oh!  Goodness, I’m– I’m so sorry!”

    David’s ears perked at the polite tone of her voice and he watched the girl stand back up, brushing herself off before extending a hand.  As the raccoon accepted the help up, he felt his mouth go dry and his heart started pounding.  Even with the girl’s hand encased in a cloth glove… he knew he was holding hands with the beautiful, emerald-eyed girl.  The fact that she was offering such a soft, sweet, friendly smile just made him all the tenser…

    “I’m such a klutz…  I should really learn to watch where I’m going!” she said with a nervous giggle.  “Um… are you okay, though?”     “Haa… haa…” was all he could say, causing the girl to stare.     “Oh, don’t mind him…” called another voice.  A second later, Alexandria popped up from behind the girl, wearing an outfit similar to hers… as well as a smirk.     “That’s just ‘Daydreamin’ Davey.’” she said as she gave the raccoon a playful grin.  “Davey here is the local class clown and a huge flirt.  You should probably just ignore him!”     “I should?”  The human girl frowned a little before casually letting go of his hand.     “I mean, your choice!” Alexandria said with a laugh.  “He’s pretty harmless, though.”     The blue-haired girl covered her mouth, cheerfully giggling.  “Oh!  I see!”

    “In any case,” the wolf said as she half-nudged the other girl forward, “let’s go get cleaned up and hit the burger joint!  They make some pretty killer salads… if you like greens!”     “Oh, I do!”     “Great!  Mind buying me one, freshman?  I’ll owe you!”     “Okay!” she giggled.  “Um… but, hold on, okay?”     The blue-haired girl stepped back around and walked in front of David… who, for some reason, hadn’t moved from that spot, at all.  She brightly smiled before bowing to the raccoon.     “I’m sorry that I didn’t introduce myself, sooner!  My name is ‘Faith!’” she said as she stood back up, giving another giggle.  “It was nice meeting you, ‘Daydreamin’ Davey!’  I hope you see you around!  ‘Bye-‘bye!”     Faith and Alexandria wandered off a moment later, leaving David standing in the hall.

    “F… ‘Faith,’ huh?”  The raccoon murmured, snapping out of his daze.  “‘Well… I have faith… that you and I will be seeing lots more of each other!’  Is… what you should have said.  Dummy.”

    David chuckled then put his hands in his pockets and casually walked outside, deciding to head home.  After all, he’d have all year to get to know the girl of his dreams… so, why rush it?