#the ending SUCKS because i didn't know what to do

[stargatesg-1obsessed]

As someone who has only started writing this year, I feel this. I feel the pressure of feeling like I have to write just as good as some of my really good writer mutals or like the books i read, but in reality, they've been doing it for years, and I've just started. I don't need to be as good as them because I'm just going to end up critising myself for being a beginner writer and not having all the talent straight away, and that's just stupid.

All the feedback I've gotten on my fanfics has been wonderful. They're all really lovely people, and they're supportive even if the writing sucks because that's just what you do. It someone's writing is bad, don't point it out. If it bothers you that much, don't read it! I personally would much rather have one less hit on a fic than have someone be hateful in the comments. There is just no need for it. If you want to give them some tips, go for it. But don't be rude about it, especially when that person isn't a writer but is still judging them.

The whole point of fanfic is to have your own creative freedom, with the characters you love. And if your writing isn't as good as someone else's, or it doesn't sound as good as a book you've read, it doesn't matter!! All writers have off days, even the really talented ones with really popular books/fics. No one should critise you for your writing. They don't have the right. The only time it is semi acceptable is when you ask someone to beta a fic for you. And even then, it's not for critising. It's for helping out with any mistakes, typos, ooc dialogue, etc etc. You're not there to judge them, you're there to help them.

So please, if you see a fic with writing, that could be better, either support them, or just don't say anything. Because I know that writers need criticism sometimes, but what we really need is support. And if there is something you want to point out, say something simple like; "Loved this fic! Really loved how the characters interacted!! :D Although I think I saw a little typo towards the end when it says "the entire planet," I think you meant to put "the entire plane,". But it's not that big a deal, and we all make mistakes :))".

That's based on a comment I got from someone on AO3 who helped me out majorly with a typo. It changed the entire sentence and didn't make any sense otherwise. And they really saved me there.

But if you're going to say something rude like; "at the end, when you put "the entire plane," instead of what I think you meant to put which is "the entire planet," it really messed up the fic and it makes no sense." Then just don't point it out because I'm sure someone else with kinder words will.

Fanfic writers don't need to be as good as professional authors!!! Just have fun and create what you want, and what makes you happy. Don't be scared to post something because it's practise. We all do it, and we'll all improve if we have practising. Don't let someone else's harsh words stop you for doing what brings you joy.

At some point "fanfic can be as good as professional writing" became "fanfic should be as good as professional writing" and that's caused major damage to fandom spaces.

[tan1shere]

Her Favorite - Pt 3

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: this is the last part of this series I hope you all enjoyed it !! This was one of my favs to write <3

Summary: you're the teachers pet. Her. Favorite.

Warnings: smut, tension ? A small tiny argument, fingering, strap, r sucks billies tits, teasing from both parts, slight angst ??? Scissoring - let me know if I missed anything !

Tags - @trulyy-yourzz @eilishslut @brat-at-the-disco @iluvapplesxh @chrissv4mp @n0vabug @dollyvuu

Masterlist - pt 1 , pt 2

You didn't want to believe it, but she had been distant. Why? It was bugging you because all you wanted was her. Just her. And the more the time passes that's all you could think of. Her. Your God damn teacher. You could barely focus with the thought of her recently so when she had started this weird distancing. You were a bit hurt. But, you decide to try your best to ignore it. "Hey Y/n!" You hear Silvi say, approaching you. You turn to face her. "Oh hi!" You say cheerful. "Since we didn't get to hang out that one time I thought I'd invite you to this party I'm going to tomorrow night." You think for a moment.

"You know what yeah, I'd love to." She smiles and goes about her day. This couldn't hurt anyone right? That was unconvincing, you knew it'd bother someone. But then again that someone doesn't really seem to care currently. Why the hell not!

It was a Saturday and you were in her bed, things were quiet like they have been. Until she turns over and wraps her arms around you. "Sorry I haven't been that present. End of the year so it's hectic as a teacher." You look up into her eyes. Oh.. That's why, now you felt bad about going to this party. But why, you deserved to have fun. You just nod, going to kiss her cheek and sit up. "I uh, I'll just get going." Her brows furrow. "You know you can stay another night babe." You bite your lip. "Yeah but I just don't have a change of clothes here." She looks at you. "Those are fine, no?" You sigh. "I'm going somewhere."

Her head tilts with a grin. "What, no invite?" You stand up, causing her face to shift. Her features changing at your body language. "It's uhm, a school party. So it'd be a bit you know." She caught on. "Right, gotcha." Billies fear was infront of her, she didn't want to believe it. She was 9 years older than you ofcourse you needed to be around people your age. But she wondered if that was romantically too. She didn't want that, she just wanted you. "You hate parties though." It was true, you did. Then that jealousy kicks in. "Shes going to be there isn't she." You stay silent for a moment as you put your pants on, leaving her baggy t-shirt on.

You grab your keys,but she's up and out of bed. "Hey." She says when you don't respond, coming over and making you look at her. There was more silence as she finds the right thing to say. She wants to tell you to be careful and to not do this at all. But shes better than that. "Have fun ok?" You nod again, kissing one another before you leave. The kiss lingers on your lips, and you miss it. Did you even want to go to this party?

It was too late you were already there with Silvi, having a few drinks but never too much. You really didn't like parties but, you hadn't ever been to one so why fight something you haven't even tried. Laughing, talking, music. Honestly it was boring and you'd rather be spending it with Billie, in your underwear in the comfort. Eating crap, watching movies. That's all you'd want right now. But something pulled you out of that little day dream, you feel a hand on your thigh. Your senses going off, growing uncomfortable. You turn to see it was Silvi's you look at her as she must've done it subconsciously. Talking to whoever infront of her. But her next move wasn't so subconscious. Her hand slowly glides upwards making you get up from your seat.

Her face turns to you. But before anything else you go to find your way around into a room, not realizing she had followed. "Shit, I'm sorry I didn't even-" You shake your head. "It's fine. I just think I want to go home." Not think. You were certain. "You sure?" Your brows furrow slightly. Feeling uneasy. "Positive." She comes over and sits by you. "We could go soon, you got somewhere to be?" Yes. At our teachers house. "No I just, don't really want to be here." She gets closer. You felt icky. "Please just take me home." Her demeanor changes. "Fine." Your brows furrow again, what the fuck was up with her.

You were close to Billies place. "Just let me out here." She slows down. "This isn't your place." You go to open the door. "I know it's a friend's." She didn't seem to really care. Wow, Billie was right she wasn't any good. "Bye." You say closing the door, watching her zoom off. You felt gross, wanting to get in there and find some sort of comfort. You knock on the door, getting greeted by a slightly sleepy Billie. "Hey, no fun?" You shake your head, noticeably seeming down. You step in. Being greeted by the smell of her place. It was such a beautiful smell. "Something happen?" You give it a moment. "Nah, just wanted to be in comfort tonight." She sensed something was up, but going to let it be for now.

"Ok well, the beds missing you." You smile at her. "I'm missing the bed." She puts a hand over her heart. "You and my bed might as well date, you like it more than me." You giggle, shoving her lightly. She loved making you laugh or even smile. It made her feel powerful that she could make that happen, it made her heart happy to hear and see. You both get into the bed once you get out of that annoying dress. You eventually fall asleep in one another's arms.

Wednesday, Wednesday. Wednesday. Things seemed to be normal again, which you were thankful for. Today was a stripped shirt and tie day. And she looked tasty as ever. You were in a very playful mood so today you went with yet another short skirt. Her eyes land on it instantly. Giving you a look, but you just returned it with an innocent smile. The shirt you were wearing wasn't helping either. Tight. You were honestly thanking the universe that Silvi wasn't there today. You don't need some repeat of a few weeks ago. At the end of the lesson you slowly get your things, everything was so slow, intentionally so. You go over to her desk, her eyes not meeting yours just yet even though everyone's gone.

"Hi!-" "What are you wearing." Her tone was calm, knowing good and well she was far from that. "Well hello to you aswel." Your eyes roll. "And I thought you loveddd my skirts." She stands. "Why are you testing me today hm?" You shrug. "Good thing Silvi wasn't here to drool over it." You cringed slightly, remembering she was right about her. But you soon roll your eyes again. "Whatever I seriously-" But her hand was around your neck, you tense slightly but only for a moment. It was just her, you didn't need to worry. You had actually been doing that alot recently, that whole interaction had frightened you to say the least, you felt weak and out of your own control in that moment that night.

It was frightening without a doubt. "Don't test me babygirl." Her tone was full of warning, you gulp. Clenching your thighs. Her head motion down as you do, letting out a dry chuckle. "Really? You like me doing this?" Your words go. But her hand soon leaves, causing you to whine. You wanted more. She goes back over to her desk. "I'll just finish that up then we can head to mine." You had forgotten it was the end of the day. Score. You think for a moment. "Yes ma'am." She laughs a tad, shaking her head. She thought you were being silly. No, you were dead serious. So when that doesn't work you resort to your next trick. Your eyes scan her desk.

Seeing a pencil laying there, your fingers go to move it off. "Oopsies, my bad." She wasn't really paying attention, she was finishing a few things. But her head turns as shes faced with your ass. Her eyes widen as she spots the second fucked thing you did today. Her eyes look around as if someone would see. Everyone left. Her eyes return as you slowly stand up. She grabs the bottom of your skirt pulling it as much down as she could. "Are you serious?" She then says. Your head turns to her. "Whattt?" Her eyes widen again, brows furrowing tremendously. "You were sitting there. For almost an hour with nothing on!?" You giggle. "Nooo, I just took them off. But you weren't looking sooo." Her temper shines through. "Jesus fucking christ."

She's surely worked up from seeing your bare cunt on display for her. "Office. Go." You bite your lip. And boom, you got what you want. So you thought. She locks the door behind her, coming up behind you and pushing you over her desk. Causing you to bend over. "Might just tease the fuck out of you and leave you here." Your head turns to look back at her. "You wouldn't." - "Oh yeah?" Her finger makes contact with your folds. "Imagine if someone had walked in." She was still mad, making her finger retract. This was going to piss you off sooner or later. She grabs her tie, bringing it over your exposed ass.

"Out in the open like that." It travels around to your neck, she wraps it around tightening ever so slightly. "With this stupid fucking skirt." It tightens more, you gasp. But it then loosens as she grabs your wrists, tying them together. Causing you to fall further into the desk, the coolness hitting your cheek. Her hand makes contact with your hair, pushing just a tad. "Please, I'm sorry." You then plead. She chuckles maniacally. "Bad girls don't get treated nicely." You bite your lip as you think of a response. "Teach me to be good then." You say, your voice soft. It was her turn to bite her lip. "You gunna listen?" You nod. "Answer me." - "Yes, Ms O'Connell." She lets out a breath, finding the way you say it so hot.

Her hands fiddle with the belt around her waist, pulling out your favorite one of her straps. It was the second most large one she owned. And in an instant it's prodding your hole, ready for access. Your back arches, moving around to try get it in. "Don't dig your grave further." She says stilling your hips. "B-" You stop yourself. This was already bad you couldn't make things worse. Little did you know. The tip slides in, not fast enough but you keep your mouth shut. No whines, no protests no nothing. Not until she bottoms out inside you. Your mouth hangs open at the feeling. "This fucking skirt." Her fury was still evident. Very. Evident. Especially when she snaps her hips hard against you.

The stretch made your eyes squeeze shut, your legs almost doing the same but her hands make sure that doesn't happen. Your brain went into a frenzy, biting your lip so hard you draw some blood. Your tongue swipes over it, letting out a small hum. She looks at why you had done that, seeing your blood lip. She looks at it for a split second, then your eyes. The way they roll back as she's giving you backshots on her fucking desk. You were like a drug to her, she found you to be the most precious thing ever. "Gunna cum? Can feel you getting tighter." Her body leans over yours, her hands on the brown wood. Either side of your body. Her thrusts were ungodly. "Mm, yes!" You gasp as it hits your g-spot. "Found it." You moan. Cumming immediately.

She pulls out bringing you up and making you sit on the desk. Kissing your lips, tasting that same thing you tasted moments ago. Slowly pushing you back, feeling the cold desk against you. She was hovering over you, no words being said. She gets up close to you. "Maybe you should get it into your head..." Her voice low. Her hand moves to wrap around your neck her strength pulling you up and off her desk just slightly. Your eyes widen as she does. "You're mine." But you smirk, sealing the whole situation with one last kiss.

Fridays were probably your favorite, not only was it the end of the week, but you got to see your hot girlfriend. As you enter you're blinded by today's outfit. How would you ever focus. The dang glasses. The way her top fit perfectly, the long skirt. You sit down in your spot. Fixated on her cleavage. You needed to stop this was bad. Then you thought for longer. Was this pay back? Was she giving you a taste of your own medicine from the other day? Your heart skips a beat when she makes eye contact with you. Your thighs squeeze. She was so evil.

You were begging for this to be over and soon. You were also begging to suck on her t- "Y/n? You with us?" You gulp quietly, but her eyes watch your throat. She knew. "Oh, yes. Sorry." This was absolute torture. But you let out a relieved sigh when it was finally time. Everyone goes to leave as you go over to her. "Hi!" You say happily. She smirks. "Hi babygirl." That fucking nickname. "You good today?" Oh God the way she was speaking. "Yes." You knew she was asking how you were feeling, not how you would be acting for her. On your knees, obeyi- "Earth to Y/n?" Your head shakes. "Huh?" She smiles. She's got you right where she wants you. "I asked if you were ready to go my love?"

"Mhmm!" You say wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. You needed her. So bad. So when you get to hers your legs rush to her room, her slowly following. You whine at how long she's taking. "Billieee." She laughs. "Yes pumpkin?" You glare at her, getting frustrated. But you were just so needy there was no room for your bratty remarks. "Pleaseeee." You say, from your spot on the bed. She comes over, getting ontop of you. Thankfully there was a slit in the skirt so she could maneuver properly. Her hand moves over your body, moving to your soaked underwear. She hums to herself. Knowing exactly what she's upto. And glad she's succeeding.

Her finger slips past and enters you a little bit. You gasp. "Remember to breathe." ..... "Good girl." Her fingers enter you slowly. But your eyes are glued to her tits. They just looked so incredibly good in that outfit. Your hands move to touch but she grips them. "Uh uh. Since you didn't have a proper punishment the other day you need to learn your mistakes." You huff, is she serious? She can't be. You just wanted to wrap your lips around them and you wanted to do it now. "That's not fair." You mumble. Her brows raise.

"No? Not fair huh? Let's circle back to you wearing that tight, shirt and tiny tiny skirt. I had to focus on teaching, I had to refrain from fucking the living shit out of you because you indeed looked God damn hot in it. I had to wait a whole. Hour. You can't wait that, and a bit more. Can't you?" You swallow. Having no words. "Bu-" "Uh uh. Don't but me, you know good and well." You let out a moany, huff. "Come on now, don't be like that angel. You'll get what you want. You just have to work for it." You wriggle. "Ah! Lesson learned, I won't do it again." She doesn't even let your hand move to touch before she's pinning them down. "What, did I say."

And you caved, you were too far gone with need to care. "Please, Billie I'm sorry I wore such a revealing skirt like that in public, you know I won't do it again. I promise and if I break it you can do such horrible things and I'll have to take it just please. Please let me suck them." You were almost on the verge of tears, but man was she enjoying every bit of this. "You want to suck them huh?" She ponders as you nod manically. "Please, I need to so bad." She still thinks. "No wonder you were so wet." You whimper. Oh that sweet whimper. And within an instant that shirt is loose. Her tits spill out right before your eyes.

Your thighs sqish tightly as your mouth latches so fast. Closing your eyes. She bites her lip, watching you suck. Bite. Do it all. You were too far gone. Incredibly far. The way you swirld your tongue made her grunt. The feeling so good. Her hand makes its way into your hair, stroking it as you do so. "You are a good girl, shit." She breathes. But she nearly goes mental with your next words. "Mmm, mommy." Her eyes look at the headboard processing. She grabs your face, kissing you with such hunger. Your subby state makes it sloppy. Moaning into the kiss. "Say that again." She says against your lips. And as you were about to. Her finger is back in your pulsing cunt. "F-fuck! Mommy." - "Mm, good. Louder."

Her fingers speed up as you go to again. "Mommy!" It was music to her ears. If she wasn't inlove before she sure as hell is now. "Cum for me, go on." Her fingers enter deep. Making your head spin, and eyes roll back. Gushing all over her fingers. Her eyes look down, looking at the white substance. "You, my girl. Are just one sexy thing huh?" Your head rests back out of breath. "You're sexier."

Weeks pass. Things were back to how they were a few months back. Everyime something beautiful happens it gets ruined and by what? It was eating at you. Was it you? What was going on. You wanted to ask but that'd just opened room for her asking what had happened that night. She had asked the day after if you wanted to talk about it but you declined and said it wasn't important. Maybe you should've told her. You didn't want her freaking out or even saying- 'I told you so.' But when she notices your strange behavior over the last few days its making her want to know more.

The other day.

You had just woken up, making some food, when you hadn't heard her come in. You had on her t-shirt and some underwear, humming away to yourself. When a hand touches your thigh, the same thigh that she touched. You jump back, turning to look at her. She was about to apologize for giving you a fright, but then she remembered. She's done that dozens of times before. You always knew it was her and you always put your head on her shoulder. So when none of that happened she gets more confused. "You've been doing that alot recently angel, everything ok?" You're silent for a bit. "Yeah! Just didn't hear you come in." Such a lie. Even if that was true, she knew something had to be up with the way you reacted. "Okay.."

She thrusts into you slowly, it was all sweet. Everything was. The eye contact, the intimacy. Her thrusts soon speed up, wanting to get you to that bliss feeling. Loving how she always could. She was getting closer to. But everything in the room changes. She touches that sane spot on your thigh making you tense up and gasp. She hadn't noticed at first seeing as you gasp all the time. What was it with that thigh. It wasn't even because of Silvi. But for some reason she triggered it. Something happened ages ago and it was slowly coming back to you. Your hand wraps around her wrist.

Causing her attention to be on you, her brows furrow as she sees your discomfort. She would never ever want to hurt you in any way. "Too fast?" You think for a second, you had to lie you couldn't tell her what was truly bothering you. You then nod, her hand moving to your hip. Soothing any further discomfort. "Sorry babe."

She begins the lesson for today, writing on the board. After that one night things were still dry in the air. You honestly hated it, but it was probably all your fault all along. That's what you'd been telling yourself. But it wasn't all you. Billie was in fact distancing. It was the last thing that she wanted but she was falling hard for you. One half of her didn't care about the fact she was falling for someone so amazing. She loved it, and then the other half wondered if you could do better. When your in your early 30s she will be in her 40s. It didn't sound that bad but it was intense to think about. Let alone the fact she's still your teacher. Even if the year was ending for you this year, you wouldn't have to be as secret atleast.

This was her brain constantly, weighing out the pros and cons. But why should she, she knew what she felt was real despite all of that. But she cared too much about you. She just wanted you to be happy and she didn't know if that was with her. But she definitely looked good today. It made you miss how closer you were before the weird change. You hardly went over to hers anymore and it hurt. It really hurt. "Sorry I'm late." It was Silvi, she had been gone for over a month. You had no idea why. But you avert your gaze, feeling uncomfortable. Remembering that night so clearly. "That's alright, take a seat." Billie gives her a kind smile. Continuing to talk about today's lesson. When her eyes land on you, she notices that sane discomfort like the other night. All she wants to do is comfort you. But she had to stay professional.

She can deal with this afterwards. As the class nears the end she spots how you shift in your seat when Silvi walks past. Her brows furrow, now she was determined to figure out what had happened. Did she do something?

The car ride was silent. It was bugging the both of you but none of you say a thing. As the night goes on it proceeds to consist. Until she speaks up, finally. "You've been weird lately, especially that night that you came home strange from that party and you'd refuse to tell me what happened. And even the other night when-"

"Not now Billie please." - "So you admit something happened?" You stay quiet continuing to take your makeup off. "If not now when? Huh? You keep putting it off whenever I ask you if you're ok. I worry about you for fuck sakes." You turn around so fast. "Bull fucking shit. You've been distancing yourself again! I know damn well its not school. So what is it?" Now she's silent. "What, happened. At. That. Party." You turn to face the mirror. "If you won't tell me why you're distant I won't be telling you that." She was seething, you'd never seen her so angry before. But you didn't care you were getting annoyed too.

Then within seconds her hand Flys to your wrist, you jump getting a fright. She stops in her tracks. "She touched you. Didn't she." You Avert her eyes. "No." Hers squint, not believing that for even a second. "Did she?" - "Billie."

"Did she fucking touch you?"

"Yes. But I stopped it God, why are you so worried." Her brows furrow. "Because, you didn't give her consent to do that! That stupid bitch just thought she could do whatever."

"Why are you so worried when I stopped it." - "She could've pressured you." You shake your head. "Do you think I'm stupid or something?" She puts her weight on her left foot. "You know I don't think that." - "Again. Why are you so fucking worried when you're the only one I want touching me." The room fell silent, a slight need creeping in the air. Her face moves, eyes locking into your own. Her feet move, but so do yours. Lips instantly crashing on the others. Everything grew heated. "Only one?" You nod. "Only one." You both say between kisses. "It's only ever been you." Those words fuel everything in her.

Backing you up out of the bathroom and onto the bed her kisses trail down your neck, down to your cleavage. She takes all that you were wearing off, seeing you all. She then takes her clothes off, leaving you in awe about the special moment that was about to happen. Just you and her, closer than ever. When her cunt slots perfectly into yours you both let out a long well needed moan. This was all you ever wanted, it's all she ever wanted. To have you close in this way. She moves against you, her body moving closer to your own as your breasts touch. Her lips meet yours as she kisses you.

It was the sweetest kiss ever. Full of every emotion. As her movements pick up she pulls back loving how this all felt. "I love you." You were taken aback for a second. But that soon goes away. "I love you." You then reply, she was so happy. Your hands go to her face. "I'm inlove with you." Her heart melts, that's all she ever wanted. She just had no idea if you'd feel the same. "Together." She says softly, putting loose strands of your hair away from your face to see you better. You nod as she picks up momentum, feeling that amazing feeling building up. She feels it too, she feels it all. And with one last move of her hips your both gushing against one another.

You grab her face going to kiss her again, both smiling into it. She lays back on the bed, holding you in her arms. "Why I was distancing honestly had nothing to do with you. It was just my fucked up brain scared I'd ruin things and I nearly did." Your hand rests on her shoulder as you're both on your sides. "Bills. You could never ruin things, I think I've loved you for a very long time, but I too, was afraid. I'd never want you to feel like you had to choose me." She shakes her head. "I'd choose you in a million life times, over and over again." Her hands hold your face. This whole moment was just perfect. It was good to clear up things and communicate. Her eyes wander to your thigh. "I hope you know you can tell me anything at all. I'm here for you, always."

You nod as she says that. You trust her, which was hard for you. You thought this whole school would change that and it had. All because of her. You grab her hand moving it to that exact thigh. You let out a small breath as she watches your face, scans it. Her thumb moving over it soothingly. "Did something deeper happen to you?" You look at her. Thinking for a moment. "Nothing you need to worry about."

Except there was something deeper. Massively, that you knew youd have to tell eventually. And you would. Youd tell her everything. She was now your everything.

[magicalrocketships]

pretty much every day i just think abt small!max saying "daniel, my daniel" when he sees dan. it's with me forever!! ok that's all

Okay, this awakened something in me, and I've missed Go Small! Max. Thank you, anon!

All earlier parts can be found in this masterpost and on AO3 here.

Five times Max calls Daniel ‘my Daniel’ (and one other time)

One. 

"No," Max says politely but with zero room for negotiation. "I don't want that."

That is a plate of sandwiches that look decidedly soggy, oil softened vegetables leaking out of a thickly sliced sourdough. 

Daniel looks up at the waiter. "Could you do some sliced bread and butter instead?" he asks, moving Max's plate out from in front of him. He finds room for it on the table next to him and opens up the sandwiches, starting to scrape the vegetables out onto the plate. In hindsight, it was a bad order. He'd seen the tomatoes and thought that Max might like them. 

The waiter comes back over with two slices of bread and a pat of butter; Daniel makes yet more room on the table to butter the bread and cut it into halves, then deposits it in front of Max. He goes back to scraping the mediterranean vegetables out of the sandwich, dumps the bread on his plate, then starts to pull out the tomatoes so that they're separate from the rest of the vegetables. He offers the plate to Max, who stares at it dubiously. 

"You like tomatoes," Daniel says. 

"Hmm," Max says. 

Daniel doesn't force him. He sets the plate down and shows Max his fork in case he wants to try anything, then eats his own pesto chicken on toasted sourdough. 

Max picks at his bread and butter, then after eating a piece, he uses his fork to carefully eat two little roasted tomatoes. He clearly considers this enough vitamins and nutrients for this meal, and goes back to his bread and butter. He does, however, drink his apple juice. 

"Is the bread nice?" Daniel asks. His sandwich is decidedly mediocre. 

Max considers. "Yes," he says finally. "Thank you, my Daniel."

Something inside of Daniel's chest shifts. He's changed forever. 

"Good," he says, his voice catching. "I'm glad."

&&&

Two. 

Max hasn't wet the bed in weeks. The nightlights had finally managed to turn frequent into infrequent into barely ever. 

Barely ever isn't not ever, though. Daniel's woken up by an insistent little hand on his shoulder. "My Daniel," Max says, sniffling. 

Daniel blinks away sleep. "What's up?"

"The bed's wet," Max says. 

Daniel sits up. "That's okay, Maxy-Max," he says. "That's okay. Nobody's mad."

Max sucks in a ragged, tearful breath. 

Daniel kisses Max's flushed forehead. "Let's go get you cleaned up."

Max tucks his hand into Daniel's, sleepy and tearful, and holds on. 

&&&

Three. 

"I didn't know where you were," Max says reprovingly, once he's discovered Daniel face down on the sofa, snoring into a Pokemon cushion with the TV on low, and poked him awake. "There's no breakfast bowl."

That is a reprimand. The rule is, no TV before breakfast. TV is allowed with breakfast, but the new rule came into force last week when Max refused to eat anything because he wanted to watch Detective Pikachu through to the end even though his tummy was rumbling. So: no TV before breakfast. 

Daniel didn't go to sleep until after four, though, and he's only out here in the living room because he'd finally got bored of watching the time tick by on his sunrise alarm clock and had resigned himself to pulling an all-nighter. He'd come out here to drink coffee and watch whatever he could find on TV in the middle of the night, then had promptly passed out eight minutes into an old episode of Friends. 

"You have to turn the TV off," Max repeats. 

Daniel obliges. He still feels mostly asleep. He rubs his fists into his eyes. 

"Hmm," Max says. 

"I didn't sleep very well," Daniel says. He doesn't look at his watch but Max likes to be awake pretty early. As an adult Max likes to sleep late, but kid Max doesn't feel the same way. Consequently, Daniel's life has flipped to an early bird timetable. His body hasn't quite caught up, though, and there have always been nights where he's stared at the ceiling for far too many hours. "Might have to be careful with me today, champ." He does finger guns to try and make it cool, but he's just tired. 

Max blinks at him. "Okay, my Daniel." He turns on his heel and disappears out of the living room, before coming back in clutching Pikachu. "You can hug Pikachu," he says. There's a pause. "Can we have breakfast now?"

Daniel laughs. "Sure can," he says, wrapping an arm around Pikachu's round middle. "What are we having today? Would monsieur like a fish? An omelette?" He does his silliest French accent. It's very bad. Max laughs. He always has the exact same breakfast. Max likes cereal. Cereal, and his milk in his own special jug. He won't entertain anything else. "A croissant, Max? A fried egg? Un oeuf?"

"No, no, no," Max says. "Cereal, please."

"Coming right up, monsieur," Daniel says, and as Max pads into the kitchen in his pyjamas, Daniel's heart skips a little soft beat. 

&&&

Four. 

"Daniel, my Daniel," Max calls, barely even waiting for Daniel to get out of the car. Daniel's been into the village to get fresh bread for lunch, and he's come back with wine for him and his parents, a few bits and pieces his dad had wanted for their dinner that evening, and a new bat and ball game for if Max can be tempted out of the pool for any significant period of time. 

Daniel grabs the bags. "Maxy-Max," he calls back, finishing off with his best camel impression just to make him laugh. He wanders around to the back of the house to the pool, where his mum and dad are — predictably — in the water with Max. "Mum, Dad. Everyone present and correct, I see."

"Watch me," Max tells him, clambering out of the pool and getting water everywhere. "Look what I can do now!" 

"I'm watching," Daniel says. 

He watches Max sit down on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. He puts his hands above his head, shaped like he's going to dive, and Daniel knows what he's going to see. This is how he got taught to go into the water face first. His parents taught him and now they're teaching Max. 

Max tilts forward and forward until he's going into the water in a little seated dive. He emerges from the water, beaming, to Daniel's mum and dad clapping him, and Daniel cheering. Max swims over to the steps, and Daniel's waiting for him at the top of them. He gets a very wet and very excited hug. 

"Did you see?" Max asks. 

"I saw," Daniel says. He blinks away tears. He doesn't know why he's crying. "I saw, and you were brilliant."

"Good," Max says solidly, and follows Daniel inside, little wet footprints all the way after him. 

&&&

Five. 

Max is three. He's sleepy and full, a solid little lump in Daniel's lap. He's demanded three stories already before bed tonight, and Daniel's accommodating because in the morning this little version of Max might be gone. Daniel might get his seven year old Max back, or he might wake up to an empty bed and two missing cats, and Max having left to pick his life back up. 

Daniel kisses the top of Max's head. "This is the last story," he says, but he'll probably stretch it out until Max falls asleep right where he's sitting. There's no rush, anyway. There's nothing for either of them to do with their days. He turns the pages in their little book about kittens.

"My Daniel," Max says sleepily, a little garbled around his thumb. He sucks his thumb when he's three, and Daniel hasn't any interest in stopping him. He'll let Max have anything he finds comforting. He deserves the little kindnesses. 

"My Max," Daniel says softly. Max is falling asleep in his arms, his eyes drooping. It's time to put him to bed. "Time for sleep, my little Max. Time for bed."

Max is asleep by the time Daniel's carried him through into the bedroom. He doesn't stir as Daniel tucks him in, as he makes sure the nightlights are all turned on and that Pikachu's in easy reach. 

He stands in the doorway for a long time before he turns away. 

&&&

(And Another Time)

Daniel is so, so tired. His body feels heavy. His mum had gone with him to the doctor's yesterday, and they'd stopped at a pharmacy on the way home to pick up his new pills. She'd brought him a glass of water and a plate of crackers to have with the first dose. He'd downed them all obediently. 

They're not magic. He's not woken up this morning feeling happy again, or like his chest is more than the black, sucking hole where his heart used to be. 

He doesn't open his eyes. A tear escapes without his permission. He hates this. He hates feeling like he does right now, hates the nothingness, the weight of his body against the earth. 

"Hey, Daniel, my Daniel." It's Max, sleeping next to him for the fourth night in a row. He's big but he hasn't left. He always leaves but this time he hasn't. He's still here. He strokes Daniel's hair. "It is okay. I am here and your mum's here. We will make it all all right again. I promise, Daniel. You don't need to cry." He strokes his thumb under Daniel's eye, catching Daniel's stray tears. He wipes his thumb on the sheets then curls his hand into Daniel's. He laces their fingers together. "We've got you."

And Daniel, desperate, holds on. 

&&&

(thank you to Lin @andwegogreen for reading these as I wrote them tonight 🧡🧡🧡)

[bronx-bomber87]

I know we’re all struggling with this endless hiatus and the lack of new content, so I thought it would be fun to resurrect the #chenfordchats that were circling around the fandom earlier this year. We previously did a question on favorite Tim Bradford quotes, so this time let’s do Lucy! What are your favorite 3-5 (or more if you want) Lucy Chen quotes from the entire series 😊

This does feel endless doesn't it? Not sure why this hiatus has felt longer than when we had the writers strike. That didn't have an end date for a long time. We have one for this one and it's felt worse. Probably because of all the BTS being withheld for now. We're all starving for content of any kind they'll give us. They've been restricted from sharing much of anything. So we're going little stir crazy. 47 days to go LOL We can do it.

This was not easy because these asks never are but always fun. Appreciate the challenge of them. Here we go. These aren't in any particular order BTW. Except by season cause I can't help but organize it. So maybe they are in a specific order ha But not one of ranking by any means. Also I'm not so good at staying within the numbers lmao I suck at it really. So I just did ones I love and I'm probably forgetting some I love but hopefully not.

If I am missing any feel free to do this as well or let me know your favs in the comments. Also these come with commentary cause I am me after all ahaha Was hard to find quotes I love that aren't just Chenford related but Lucy too if that makes sense. That's real hard cause they're so intertwined lol Anyways this is my crack at it please enjoy and don't hesitate to comment should you like to. Also feel free to participate as well more fun when people join in :)

1x01-What's not to love about her opening line as a character? So confident and ready to go. Look at her. Love everything about this line. Confidence rolling off her as she says. Hasn't been squashed yet by her future soulmate....

1x03-I LOVE this line for how it lands with Tim. But mainly we get to see the early sparks of confident Lucy putting Tim in his place. Standing up for herself. Because if she doesn't her career is going up in flames along with Tim's epic flameout. Telling him like it is and I love her for it.

1x07-Another amazing line that lands so well. This is an iconic scene but this line right here. This IMO is what keeps Tim from crossing that line. It's so spot on. She went out on a major limb and it pays off. Just love this line in particular.

2x01-Are we sensing a theme? LOL It was accidental. But I do love Lucy putting my boy in his place when warranted. Standing up for herself in the process. Straight up owns his ass in this argument with dem fighting words. Love her for it.

2x08-Always love watching her fierce loyalty come out despite rank. heh I love this line. Because once again calling someone out on their crap. Why we love our girl so much isn't it? So many reasons but this is definitely one of them.

2x10-Our poor girl so very frustrated with dating especially as a cop. This is an epic line that I don't think gets enough love. Cracks me up so much.

2x11-Love me some BAMF Lucy. It's one of my favs. The fierceness she shows not only saying this line. But making sure she makes eye contact with Caleb when she delivers it. I love her so much. We all know how true this statement ended up.

3x05-This seems like two quotes in one cause it kinda is. Already breaking the rules as is so here we are haha Fiercely protective Lucy reporting for duty with this quote. Loved it so much. She gonna beat your ass Stanton.

3x07-This line will never cease to crack me up. She owns his ass this entire episode really. It's one giant mic drop for her. This one is one of my all time favs of that ep and in general. I dare you to watch that scene let alone that ep and not be laughing.

4x16-Her reply to Tim's reaction makes me cackle. Her comedic timing is perfection. She is fed up with her hubby at this point and it makes me laugh so much. Goes from playful to over it immediately.

4x22-Lucy's reaction to Juicy is an all time fav. She was having fun messing with Tim over Dim till then. Her replies are so funny I love this quote for how much it makes me laugh every time. She is disturbed and not having fun anymore. LOL

5x12-Such an iconic way to drive her point home with this epic line. No more needed to be explained after this line. I adore this quote and the way she delivers it to Tim.

Lucy Chen is me when i'm prepping for anything with my anxiety. This cracked me up so very hard. Also couldn't find a gif of this glorious line. So just edited down a gif I did ha but I adore this line for how much I related with it LOL She is me when I am prepping.

That's all folks. Hope you enjoyed my rambles. Feel free to comment or do your own that would be fun to see others do it as well. Best part of fandom doing stuff like this. Seeing what everyone loves.

[utilitycaster]

You are right, popularity isn't that important but I'm glad anyway that f/f is the most popular in the CR fandom thanks to Imodna, because it's just nice for once!

You know what's funny is that I suppose I thought of Imodna in passing for this, but it wasn't a significant aspect of my consideration, nor was popularity, and it's depressing that you sent this question because it makes me fear we're stuck.

The ship I had in mind that I like is Dot/Cleo from Unend, which I think is really interesting and am frustrated that whenever it comes up in the Midst server the conversation just goes GOTH GF PINK GF GOTH GF PINK GF GOTH GF PINK GF with no discussion of who they are as people - how Cleo is canonically a nepo baby, but she actually is fantastic at her job of observation because she is warm and kind and genuinely interested in everything around her, and how Dot is hiding absolute terror and misery about everything but is also competent and helpful, and trying to shove them into aesthetic categories ignores all that.

The ship I had in mind I didn't like and which really set it off is that Neve/Bellara from DATV is pretty transparently an attempt to get Neve away from Lucanis, even though they'd both make each other miserable - ie, they're putting forth a Grumpy One Soft For Sunshine One ship to get rid of the women to make way for a ship that includes a man (regardless of what gender you're playing Rook, Lucanis is a man) and I realized that it was in many ways stunningly similar in tenor to Beau and Jester, or Vex and Keyleth, which were both ships that were popular among F/F shippers, and what does that say? I'm saddened by the fact that the ships I'm told by fandoms are beautiful and meaningful and at times harassed for saying aren't that great are, in the end, almost identical in structure to the ships people throw out to push the women of the story out of the way of an M/M or M/F ship. Like, doesn't that suck? Don't you want to do better? Isn't it pretty fucking miserable that any attempt to talk about treating female characters as complex and existing in canon in the work and actually being people with PREFERENCES and not some malleable nothing you can throw at anything to get the ship you want is met with passive aggression and petty popularity contests? Doesn't it make you furious, if you are a woman, that even in fiction - even in fantasy heroic fiction where women can save the world and break reality - everyone's first instinct towards female characters is to be like "lmao no you are not the person you say you are and want to be, you're the person I want you to be for my convenience"? Don't you want to stab the next person who decides that it's more important to climb to the top of the list on ao3 by sacrificing everything complex and thorny and difficult and interesting for a bigger number of fics that could be about literally any two people because there's nothing about the women they're about in them?

Like, really, what does it say that when I say "I feel like fandoms treat F/F as an afterthought and as between two entities that are less than people" multiple people decided the response was "ACTUALLY, some M/M ships are treated badly too? sounds like you hate women? here's a ship I know you openly think is bad and I'm going to send it?" I think of you, anon, in your passive-aggression here, the way I think of tradwifes. I'm not mad, I'm just sad you've gotten trapped in this mentality and this life of serving some goal that doesn't let women be people, and I hope you break free; but I must admit I'd do pretty much anything not to become like you.

[derpydoteddrake]

Viktor is under some kind of influence, but at first glance it's hard to tell the exact nature of it.

But I believe its more simple than one would think.

The core is basically jingling keys in front of him and telling him to look at them.

But I believe its more simple than one would think.

The core is basically jingling keys in front of him and telling him to look at them.

Firstly, why is the sky hallucination sus? could it just be his own mind?

Her guiding him to her book and later showing up next to the shimmer addict could be explained as just his conscious.

However, he also woke up to her screams and it was her voice that guided him to the addicts, both things go beyond what could manifest only from his own perception of things.

Not only that, this is the exact place where he later cocoons himself again. So it's no accident he ended up here.

It's also good to note how Viktors saw her differently then how she was, he sees him as a more idolised version of herself, which is als a good indication that she is not real.

But then in act 2 she appeals completely harmless, she doesn't push him into anything, and it looks like she offers some sense of emotional support.

And that's the point, it's feeding into viktors weaknesses as a person, all it needs to do, is give him the illusion of company, and keep him in his head.

Viktor was always a loner, but he also seeked out second opinions and he was in fact very lonely and wished for company.

This is exactly what the core is giving him the illusion of. A second opinion and company.

By herself “sky” does not offer any new information to viktor, she is either stathing things he is already aware of, things viktor thinks she would say, or reassures him.

“She liked me, she would be concerned about me!”

“I remember telling her that once!”

“She was caring, she would be upset at someone's death!”

In fact, it might even try to distract him from the important things, we don't see a lot of it, but the moment Viktor starts to wonder what's up with Jayce, she attempts to move his thoughts elsewhere from thinking about what is wrong with him.

Viktors perception of the world is fundamentally changed, this is already pretty isolating but now he has a mind buddy! He's Not alone anymore, there's someone who talks to him, who cares about him, who he can share ideas with,

someone who loves him.

I'm going to concede, I do think their relationship has a romantic undertone, if for nothing else it's because viktors perception of sky is pretty heavily defined by her love letters to him.

Regardless of your reading (how much do you think he reciprocates that), it is giving him the company he wished for.

Why is that bad?

It's because it keeps him docile, and so far up his own 4ss that he doesn't realise how messed up what he is actually doing is. He is stuck with his own regurgitated thoughts.

The only thing he ever gets is reassurance that what he is doing is in fact good, he doesn't have an outside perspective on what's happening with him or around him.

He doesn't have the head space to self reflect cuz something always chimes in, always keeps him thinking, solving problems, solving puzzles.

We never once saw him actively trying to talk to any of his followers, the only people who he does are not affected by him, and come to him directly, he didn't even bother seeking out Jayce himself.

The only way he communicates with them is when he wants to do his creepy puppet thing and if the only thing left in his followers head is gratitude towards him and he never examines what it did to them as people, no wonder he doesn't notice a thing.

He just unquestionably spreads the core's influence.

No wonder the first awful idea anyone gave him in who knows how long that isn't his own stuck with him.

He always had a tendency to get sucked into his work and dont bother with people (ironically that is one of the reasons sky got dusted) and don't bother with anything else, and now the conditions are orchestrated for this to basically keep him in his own head.

He doesn't really care about his followers either, he watched one of them get smashed and didn't give a damn.

He doesn't care for them as people, they are more akin to problems he can solve and move on. He was barely even bothered about Jayce's condition, probably assuming he will come to him and he can fix him right away.

We can see this in his visions of how he conceptualizes himself, he looks very human, and yet he got these unsettling yellow eyes. He is blind to the ways he changed, just look at how he acts in them.

At first glance he appears a lot more emotive and it also tells us that he is fairly enjoying himself and his new perception of the world but also the main thing we see of him is his endless curiosity about things, not his empathy towards them.

He is well meaning of course, but he doesn't/cant reflect enough to see what he is really doing. Namely taking away the things he saw in these people, their dreams.

And he constantly has problems to solve, we saw how many people went to him, he always has something to think about, and he always has someone to talk to about it without needing to waste precious time on seeking out a second opinion.

In s1 he barely reacted to the beginning of a civil war going around him, now people depend on him and in the middle of a civil war he doesn't have any way of protecting these people.

He barely gives a damn about him slowly deteriorating. He doesn't live in reality anymore. He cannot see the forest for the trees. (though he might have had some plans we don't know of, since Salo was gathering materials for him.)

And his guilt just amplifies this.

From s1 one of his strongest traits was how much he believed if he gets the right tools, and the opportunity, he can help people.

“Do you think my life ambition is to be an assistant?”

“If you are going to change the world don't ask for permission.”

“All I did was believe in myself.”

This is what skys death puts into question.

This is why he almost jumped afterwards, this fundamental belief in himself was put into question. He got the chance to do what he wanted and someone died.

This is where his guilt comes into play, he isn't making his own dream a reality, we saw that what he really wanted is to give people tools that they can use to create, but that's not what he is doing.

He is doing what he believes Skye's dream was.

It doesn't even look like he invents things anymore, he just mostly uses his powers and studies botanics. (tho we saw Salo steal some stuff for him so he might have some plans that we don't know yet?)

This is even the context he brought her up to jayce: she had such dreams.

From her notes we can assume she hoped to help make a zaun that is cleaner and more connected to nature.

This is the reason why he is so receptive to skyes positive affirmation, its because in his head he is correcting his wrong, her affirmation and forgiveness gave him back the belief that he can still do good.

Now he has the right tools and the opportunity to do it, so he won't fail again.

He is literally wearing her symbol on his clothes.

He is doing this out of some kind of repentance for his sins.

So the way he sees it: he is helping these people, who on they own free will just happen to stay here cuz its nice and he conveniently can puppet them if needed, he doesn't question that cuz he never bothers to talk to them and skys happy and she talks to him so why bother when no one sees the world like he does.

What he doesn't realise is that he is pretty much meant to die there.

There's a reason why his palace was builded here, he literally got told to build it there. It was there so he could die and cocoon himself again.

When he first saw jayce and encountered the singularity, he was literally describing himself.

“self annihilating and replicating” That's him, this entity is connected to him, he is meant to die and be reborn over and over again. He might not completely embody it yet, but he is a product of it. (and he will probably gonna try to harness it, that's what the beginning of ep 6 set up.)

I don't think he expected jayce to shoot him, when he saw what he was going to do he looked pretty shocked, but he was intentionally kept docile by the core basically guaranteeing that even actually he will die out.

And then he had the audacity to conclude it must have happened cuz people just suck.

He tried nothing to prevent this and he is already out of options.

To his defense he was probably really lost in the sauce at this point.

This is also why he was making his following, he was supposed to draw power from them after he dies so he can be reborn again.

This also means that singed and ambessa are probably interfering with this process.

It would explain why he looks so wrong in the poster.

In conclusion, the core keeps Viktor in a mind state where he is docile enough not to question what's happening around him using his already existing flaws against him in order to spread itself.

One last thing I would like to add is that I don't think this will be his final transformation, I believe the final one will either happen at the top of the hex gate or at the bottom of it.

[half-dead-writer]

hello I am in fact not dead I've been sick and lacking the motivation to write but hopefully I'll get into the groove again, I got so many requests I'm itching to get done but no strength to do it at all grrrr at first I tried to write a drabble but it just wasn't coming out right so I settled for the short headcanons - as a bonus you can see what I wrote for it below

Kim Pine with a shy and nervous S/O

character: Kim Pine (Scott Pilgrim Takes Off) words: 261 reader: gender neutral warnings: none

𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔢𝔰 + 𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 / 𝔖𝔠𝔬𝔱𝔱 𝔓𝔦𝔩𝔤𝔯𝔦𝔪 𝔗𝔞𝔨𝔢𝔰 𝔒𝔣𝔣 𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱

she thinks your nervousness is cute, to an extent

Kim isn't nervous or shy herself, but she can understand where your worries come from

if you're visibly stressed during a social gathering, she won't make a fuss out of it, instead taking you somewhere where you can cool off

Kim having the patience of a saint plays a big role in your relationship

even if you ask her a lot of times whether you done something wrong (whether it's an issue in your relationship or during an event where you're stressed about something you did during interacting with others) she'll always calmly reassure you and chase away your worries

that doesn't mean she won't be blunt about it, though

she will point out whatever you did right (or wrong) in her usual flat fashion

she doesn't mind re-explaining to you her logical reasons, as much as your anxiety makes you doubt her words

at the end of the day, she loves you, even if your confidence is lacking at times

if your love language isn't as open and not easily perceived, little gestures like holding her hand, staying close, no matter how small it may be - she sees it and appreciates you

the type to come up to the McDonald's counter and ask for extra fries they forgot to pack into your happy meal when you're too shy to ask for them yourself

will argue for/defend you if you need it, but also makes an effort to slowly make you come out of your shell, one step at a time

Seeing the look of pure passion on the drummer's face was enough to keep you occupied throughout the whole session of the band playing. You didn't wanna be a creep, of course, so you kept your staring at a minimum. You couldn't deny Kim held you tight in her grasp, though. She just seemed so cool. Somehow, her sarcastic remarks did not push you away, even if they poked holes in your already weak confidence.

Since you started working at No-Account Video, you made it your goal to get to know her better. Learning Kim was in a band was your best chance at showing your eagerness, as awkward as it was from your side. Your attempts at being social at work usually fizzled out after a few minutes, right after you used all of your small-talk dialogue options. Interacting with people didn't come easy to you, but you had to learn somehow, right? Thankfully, Kim accepted your request of seeing her playing live. Perhaps she took pity on you, seeing how hard it was for you to even utter the question.

The girl lowered her drumsticks, wiping the gathered sweat on her forehead. She grabbed the leftover soda from the nearby table, taking a sip. Briefly acknowledging your presence, she glanced your way.

"So? Do you think we suck?" Stephen asked, furrowing his brows with anxiety and hope, trying to gauge your reaction before you could even respond. He assumed the worst, per usual.

"I think- I think that was awesome." You hoped your smile, even if a bit shy, conveyed your excitement clearly.

"You don't have to be nice just because you don't wanna hurt Stephen's feelings." Kim commented with her usual flat tone, not bothering to sugarcoat her words. She knew they most likely sucked.

"No, no, I- I really think you're cool. Um, all of you." You clarified quickly, obviously overthinking your simple words.

"That's a relief." Her tone was ambiguous, most likely sarcastic, but somehow you managed to pinpoint a bit of sincerity in her words. Perhaps she did care at least a little bit of the opinion of her co-worker.

[spirk-trek]

Hey so, it's me. The debbie-downer vaguing you in the spirk tag. I didn't mention you directly because my post wasn't directed at you, although it was made in response to checking some of your posts because I do have Unification in my filtered list (content and tag), so those fanworks? Behind a button, so my choice to look is all my own. (I didn't send the anon, though. That was someone else, sorry to say.) It sucks that that's how tumblr's system works but yay content filtering! Tumblr didn't always have that.

I didn't make that post to start drama, and I'm not the sort to get my kicks by being a contrarian for opposition's sake (like. I'm a Shatner fan. In a lot of online Star Trek spaces, I might as well say I hate K/S or Leonard Nimoy or kick puppies in my spare time, you know?), but I did make it in anger and for that I apologize. I should have waited longer on it to phrase things better or simply have deleted it from my drafts after typing it out. (But it's out there now and I'll live with it.)

I do understand where the joy of connecting the past to the present comes from (as a lot of your posts do with connecting old and new fanworks together), and that a lot of people are celebrating the Unification short as a culmination of 50+ years of K/S despite their initial separation according to the initial story, but for me (personally! I want to stress that. It's just me and my own opinion here), I keep seeing it as a valuing of what a company is finally offering fans rather than the celebration of fans who saw where K/S's story ended at the time, rejected that ending that was offered by the corporation, and made their own ending for K/S, without looking towards any official channels as a guide for their visions. That's what my post was about, where my anger was from, those questions--what becomes lost in fandom if we accept canon from the corporation that holds the copyright? What does it say if we look towards that same canon as being above what fandom has already envisioned? In a fandom as old as Star Trek's, one that laid so much groundwork that we take for granted, to overlook that worries me.

I suppose the biggest issue here is it's too similar, like a reflection in a mirror: on one side, Unification stands as the canonization of what the fandom has envisioned all along. It culminates. On the other, Unification appears as a bone tossed to finally appease fans who have seen K/S from the start and it feels too little, too late. Ironically enough, the short has seemingly managed to divide people, but it's too early to tell how lasting such a division could be.

Hopefully I've cleared the air by this. Unification clearly is not my cup of tea and I'm honestly not trying to ruin anyone's fun (most of my posts have gone untagged for a reason but I forget tumblr still parses for post content to index. Yikes. That post was tagged, though, because it was a snap decision made in anger and I wanted my thoughts to be seen). One could argue the short wasn't even made for me as I've long wondered if I will watch Generations because I've read the summary and didn't like it. But that's the joy of fandom and transformative works. We can look at the story and pick our favorite parts and rewrite the ones we don't like. If we didn't do that, fandom wouldn't exist, or it would but it wouldn't be as much fun.

Sorry for the essay in your inbox and for causing any confusion and hurt. I hope you've had a great day 💛

i'm not going to lie, it does hurt a little. i wasn't going to answer this publicly but i don't have the time today to have a private convo and i don't want you to think i deleted it or ignored it, so here we are.

i don't think unification made spirk any more canon than tmp did. i don't think the short was made with k/s in mind at all, even as a bone to toss starving shippers. star trek at large was never intended as a love story between them, but people have always seen it anyway. 

i'm conflicted about the use of nimoy's likeness too. despite that, i think that they did it as respectfully as they could have and involved the right people. it was a goodbye, not using him for a cheap cameo or advertising purposes (yes i know it was an "ad" like everything is, but it's not like spock holds up a coke at the end). you can disagree with me, and i understand your point of view. that's why i said i understood where that anon was coming from. 

what i see is william shatner and others taking a story that ended in a way that was disrespectful to both characters, one of which he himself has been playing for the majority of his life, and trying to fix that. it doesn't mean there's no corporate greed involved. both can be true. at least they posted it on youtube, they didn't premiere it or put it behind a paywall. it was just eight minutes, and less than a quarter of that had nimoy's face in it. my favorite part of the whole thing was seeing tos kirk meet his future selves. i love that even though they both die out of their times, they find each other in the end. 

i don't want to be an activist or defend or endorse anything, i just... 

those zines i tagged were 1) a poem by della van hise that was so accurate to the short that others were already reblogging it (i posted it weeks ago). i found it super interesting that she wrote a poem about them meeting again in death before tmp/wok even came out, let alone this short. 2) i was gushing about unification in the tags. 3) another poem about being side by side, which again, i found incredibly relevant. the other one i posted was because it went well with the others visually. it has nothing to do with unification other than the fact that spock is laying down. 

this has just made me sad tbh. i'm not angry and i love your analysis/fan work so much, so :( idk, i don't want anything i post to be divisive or disrespectful. i wasn't even worried about that before. i just really needed a win and maybe i clung to that a little too hard :/

[written-in-flowers]

Lovesick: Chan x Male!Reader Pt. 6

Pairing: Bang Chan x Male!Reader | Side pairings: Minho x Chan, Minho x Male!Reader (unrequited)

Word Count: 5k

Genre: Horror, Angst, Smut | AU: Yandere!au, Videogame!AU, Highschool!AU

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Summary: After being sucked into the dating simulator "Lovesick", Park YN has to defeat five rivals to reach his goal. However, he soon learns his rivals aren't the only thing he must contend with for Chan's love.

Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, Main Character Death, dark fic, dead dove: do not eat, yandere behaviors, yandere!reader, stalking, murder/violence, blood and violence, toxic relationships, mentions of murder, unrequited love, mentions of domestic violence, school massacre/genocide, implied teacher/student relationship, homophobic parents, mentions of bullying/trauma, obsession, possessiveness, manipulation, high school setting, anal sex, anal fingering, edging, eventual smut, pool sex, locker room sex, blowjobs, choking.

A/N: PLEASE READ TAGS BEFORE READING! I'm not responsible for any feelings you end up having because you ignored this warning and the ones above.

Seo Changbin: Monday < | > Seo Changbin: Wednesday

****

Seo Changbin: Tuesday

Despite the agreement you signed, word about Sohee and her string of teenage lovers spread throughout the school. A majority of them remained quiet about their experiences, feeling confused and upset by the entire thing. Other boys, like Felix, boasted about their encounters. You did not particularly care to hear them. Your main concern was Changbin, and what his family had done about the situation. 

“They’re suing the school for hiring a predator,” one of the boys said as Chan passed out potential flyers during an early club meeting. “They said they can’t believe the principal knowingly hired a person with a spotty record.”

“Do you blame them? If my child was abused by a teacher, I’d sue them too.”

You lifted your head up from the flier in front of you. “They’re not taking him out of school?” you asked incredulously. 

“No,” they said, a bit unnerved by your tone, “Why would they? He didn’t do anything wrong; she did.”

“He’s too important to the school for him to leave,” said another member. “He's our star athlete.”

“His parents already paid his tuition,” a girl with golden earrings said. “They won't get a refund if they withdraw him so late in the semester.”

“But…Isn't he ashamed?” 

“Why should he be? She abused him,” she replied a bit curtly. “What happened to him isn't his fault.” 

You felt their stares turn somewhat sour, and you shrunk back. “I didn't mean it that way. I meant that people will start spreading rumors about him and not be as understanding as us. I thought he'd want to start somewhere fresh.”

Which is what was supposed to happen. Why did that not happen? Changbin’s elimination required his secret, which would bring him shame and make him withdraw. Why had that not worked? You knew why. It came to you immediately. Minho. Your fingers curled inwards to your palms, digging into the cuff of your sleeve. This is his way of getting back at you. A pang of anger needed to be restrained in front of everyone, but it festered inside.

“I think it's disgusting,” said Chan, examining one of the possible flier choices. “She is a pedophile. She should be in jail, not another high school. It's the school and parents not wanting it to be big news. They care more about their reputations than the students’ safety.” You heard the spite in his voice, “Two students went missing and it was barely investigated. It's shameful.”

“Yeah,” you added. “You’d think a school that boasts about being safe would, you know, be safe.” 

“It’s not like he didn’t want it though,” one boy smirked. “Wish she’d come after me, eh, right YN-ssi?” he nudged you, and you coughed awkwardly. 

“They might have wanted it at the time, but I’m sure they regret it now and it’ll scar them one way or another,” you replied. “Unless you’re Felix, since it hasn’t bothered him at all.” 

Chan snorted, “Nothing phases Felix, to be honest. In his head, he bagged a hot older woman, not that he’d been preyed upon by her. Felix doesn’t make romantic attachments as easily as Changbin, so it wouldn’t hurt him like that.” He picked up another flier, considered it, and said, “I just feel sorry for Changbin. He was crying when I saw him come out of the coach's office. I’m glad they fired her.” 

Sohee’s continued employment was no concern for you. Your failure was. You stewed in your disappointment during the rest of the meeting. Even after following all the steps, you failed. You'd gotten hold of the secret, gone to the counselor, and gotten rid of Sohee. Changbin, with his good boy reputation, was supposed to feel so ashamed he left school. That is what Minho told you. You shouldn't have listened to him, but you'd trusted him back then. The sinking feeling of losing Chan suddenly came over you while they talked about baked goods and flowers. Yes, you had three more days before the Friday deadline, but you’d lost a whole day. Any plan you hatched needed to be quick. 

Chan believed hosting a garden party at the beginning of spring term might promote the club. They’d sell baked goods from a member’s family’s infamous bakery chain, showcase their nicest plants, and offer pamphlets on proper nature care. By the end, everyone decided to put it into motion. Meanwhile, you focused on your next move. It’d have to be something inconspicuous; not death since too many deaths might result in further investigations. You had no idea. Your mind appeared to be blanking. Minho mentioned there being loads of ways to take out opponents, but usually involved murder. You couldn't trust anything he told you now.

You walked out of the school garden with Chan when someone blocked your path. 

“Hey, YN-hyung! Hey, Chan-hyung!” Seungmin beamed at the pair, holding his usual notepad and looking at them hopefully. “How’re you guys doing?”

“We’re doing well, Seung-” Chan began to say, but Seungmin cut across him. 

“-That’s great, anyways, YN-hyung,” he addressed you directly, “I hear from several reliable sources that you’re the one who exposed Mrs. Yoon for the pervert she is. I’m writing a column in the school paper about it all, and was hoping you’d like to comment on the situation.”

“Seungmin, what can you possibly add in your paper that people don’t already know?” you asked with amusement, glancing at Chan who shared the feeling. The pair of them began walking with Seungmin in their path, the journalist walking backwards. 

“Rumors are not facts, Hyung,” he said pointedly, “And I only write the straight facts.”

“That’s debatable,” Chan noted. 

“So, what are your thoughts on Mrs. Yoon escaping a jail sentence?” he asked, putting his pen to the notepad, “Bewildered? Outraged? Disgusted? The people are dying to know. You outed her to get her put behind bars, and that did not happen. You gotta be peeved about it.”

“No comment, Seungmin.”

“Come on,” he groaned, “Give me something. Anything. Changbin won’t talk to me-”

“-Oh my god, Seungmin, you asked him?” Chan asked in disbelief. “What is wrong with you?”

“It’s always good to hear the full account from the victim-”

Ugh, people saw him as a ‘victim’. This will only endear people to him more, and make it harder to get rid of him. The thought of him having another dirty secret came to you, but that sounded unlikely.  

“What I’m giving is ‘no comment’,” you finally told Seungmin. “Thanks.”

You and Chan managed to pass him, ignoring his stammered pleas. What are the odds Changbin has another secret? From what you understood, every student only had one and you’d exposed Changbin’s. You needed something else. Right now, everyone pitied Changbin. Perhaps tarnishing that reputation might give the right results? 

“He’s something else, isn’t he?” Chan commented with a scoff. “Always looking for a story. Changbin is going through enough as it is. Having someone like Seungmin poking around must be making him feel worse.” 

And Chan pitied him. This sympathy will bring them closer together, you could tell. 

“I try not to give him any attention,” you said. “Otherwise, I might end up being talked about next.” 

“Nobody should. Seungmin is nosey and messy. He loves causing drama between students and making up fake theories to spread around. Can you believe he once said a girl was selling photos of herself online and she had to withdraw due to the the embarrassment and bullying? It was so wrong of him.”

Hm, at least he despised Seungmin, which would help down the road. “He’s just bored with his own life, so he does stuff like that.” 

“You have no idea,” he rolled his eyes. “Want to grab breakfast with me? You have to try the breakfast sandwiches. They’re to die for.”

“Sure,” you smiled brightly. You had been standing in line for food when he got a message. 

‘Hey, where are you? I haven’t seen you since yesterday. I miss you.’

Minho. Your blood simmered reading his name alone. He was the last person you wished to speak to right then. There'd be an actual murder if you did.

You noted that Chan ordered himself a bacon and egg sandwich with extra hot sauce on it, alongside some chips and an iced americano. You ordered the same thing, though you would have rather shared a plate with Chan. You wanted Chan’s sandwich just to drag your lips across the bitemarks and taste the same flavors Chan tasted. Having only a piece of him would comfort you. Everything about him did that. You admired his beauty in the morning sunshine. The sun caught in his dark curls, and made him glow like an angel. 

‘Hey, answer me. I want to see you. I saw your elimination plan didn’t work. Let’s talk about it.’ 

You ignored the message again, and bit into your sandwich. 

“Minho?” Chan guessed when the phone buzzed a third time. You noticed him glare at the phone, but quickly covered it up by eating. 

“Yeah,” you sighed defeatedly. “He and I…Well, things got awkward and I’m not sure if I want to see him right now.”

“What happened?” he asked, sipping from his coffee. 

“He…” you struggled to say the words, “He told me he had feelings for me and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Do you like him back?” 

“I don’t think so. He’s been super helpful to me since I’ve been here, but nothing romantic has happened between us.” You would never tell Chan about the kiss. You preferred not to think about it either. “I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but…”

“You also don’t want him thinking you feel the same?” 

“Yeah.”

“Dump him.”

You looked up from your food to see it happening again. Flickers and shimmers went across Chan’s face in blue and white, and you swore you saw a black void between them. It was almost like someone slicing a hole to peek from inside Chan’s body. It sent shivers up your spine and made you twist your neck. You worried it might swallow him up completely. 

“Chan-hyung?” 

“Du-um-m-p hi-i-mmm,” Chan said, his head twitching as the glitching continued, “Dummmp hi-i-m-mm-mm ughhhh.”

He froze entirely. It was as if a player pressed pause in the middle of a cutscene dialogue. You looked around the area in case anyone noticed, but the world went on around them. Eventually, the glitching stopped. You kept looking to see if someone else saw, but Chan might as well not be there. You wanted to help him, but didn’t know how. When you reached forward, wanting to feel the disintegrating pixels, they stung your fingertips. White hot and crackling, it might have been pure fire. Chan went still for a few seconds, then smiled broadly at you. 

“How’s the sandwich? My eggs could be a little more runny, but it does the job.” 

You were speechless. The last time Chan glitched, it’d lasted mere seconds. This one lasted longer. This could be leading to a larger problem. 

“YN-ssi,” Chan smiled, a bit confused by your silence, “Earth to YN…Hello? Are you with me?”

“Um, uh, yeah, yeah,” you nodded, giving a nervous laugh. “The sandwich is great.” 

“You okay?” He asked with a small smile. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” you assured him. A thought came to you again, “I was just thinking about Minho.”

Chan’s smile disappeared. “Oh…Yeah, well, you would since he’s your boyfriend.” This distaste was obvious, and struck you as odd. 

“He’s not,” you said. “He likes me, but I don’t feel the same.”

Another blue flicker went through him, and you stopped the conversation. You’d been about to bring up going to class together when a disturbance went through the crowd. 

Turning your heads to the center of the canteen area, you saw Felix and Hyunjin at each other’s throats. The tension between them went across the area to the other students, who stood staring as the boys provoked one another. The boys shouted insults, pushing and shoving before hell broke loose. Felix swung his fist straight into Hyunjin’s face. The tall boy held his jaw for a second, groaning in pain before retaliating with his own fist. The fight happened so suddenly. You looked on as they grappled at each other, punching and grunting to try loosening the other’s grip.

“Aw, fucking hell,” Chan sighed irritably. “I’ll be back.”

“Wait, Chan-”

Chan ignored you as he pushed through the gathering spectators and into the fray. Grabbing the back of Felix’s blazer, he pulled him off the boy with ease, while another student took Hyunjin away. Felix, red-faced and bleeding, shouted more curses and insults over Chan’s shoulder but did not struggle against him. Hyunjin retorted with his own remarks.

“You and your dad are fucking finished, Lee! Finished, you hear me?!”

You watched Chan and Felix disappear into a nearby bathroom, and you couldn’t help following them. You slowly walked into the small hallway leading inside, pressing yourself to the inner wall while listening for their voices.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?” Chan asked, appalled. “Starting a fight with Hwang Hyunjin in the middle of the canteen with everyone watching? What’re you thinking?”

“Hyunjin’s a fucking cunt,” Felix remarked. The sound of a trash bin being knocked down echoed in the small room. “He’s been pushing in on my contraband territory. What am I supposed to do, hyung? Let him?”

“Yes,” Chan said, “Yeah, let him. Who the hell cares if someone else is selling stuff on school grounds? You could do with some healthy competition.”

“The only healthy competition is no competition, Chan.” You heard him growl angrily, “Then he started talking about my dad, and nobody talks about my dad!”

“What was he saying?” Chan asked.

“He said my dad’s nothing but a cunt in a suit, and that he was going down.”

“Ugh, this is all so childish. Felix, your father is one of the richest men in town. He’s got a whole army of thugs who will do whatever he says; he has his hands in every important pocket around. I doubt someone like Hyunjin’s dad could even make a dent in his business.” You heard him move closer, “And you starting fights with him will only stir things up more. Whatever crap is going on between your families should stay outside of school. You can’t risk getting expelled because you decided to be a dick and start a freaking gang war.”

“But Hyung-”

“-You know just as well as I do that if you get suspended or expelled from here, your dad will tear you a new one. I remember what he told my dad: he pulled a lot of strings and called in a lot of favors to get you in here. Don’t ruin your dad’s efforts by letting him down.”

Felix fell silent, his anger coming to a simmer. “You’re right,” he finally said. “You’re always right. It is stupid.” You heard them hug, patting each other’s backs, “What would I do without you steering my head the right way?”

“Get arrested,” Chan said, humorously at the end of the word.

They laughed together, and your jealousy burned. You watched the two boys walk down towards the school canteen area again. Their conversation would normally upset you, but not right now.

The blue static did. It had come out of nowhere. Its sudden appearance and then disappearance concerned you. If you had the control room, you could fix the system bugs. The idea the game might completely crash came to you. You looked up at the sky, expecting to see it across the fluffy clouds and bright sunlight, but it didn’t happen. Nothing changed. Could your failed elimination be another result of the glitch? A bug in the system where the elimination goes as planned but still fails? 

Not having to worry about Felix until next week, you put your efforts into Changbin instead. Watching him from the shadows of the courtyard, you noticed a change in him. The light he once carried appeared dull; he did not meet anyone’s eyes and stayed quiet in the group. It appeared his friends did not want to brooch the subject. Nobody did. While people whispered behind their hands and gave concerned looks, nobody walked up and comforted him. Good. The less people talk to him, the easier it’ll be to eliminate him. But how? The thought frustrated you.

Expulsion? You could buy contraband items and put them in his bag the rest of the week. 

Bullying? Ruin his reputation so much that he leaves school on his own. 

Setting him on fire in an accident? A bomb? A trap? A car accident? Something. Anything.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and curiosity got the better of you. 

“Just kill him. Where’s the fun in the game if you’re not killing people?”

You ignored Minho’s message again. To be honest, you didn’t know if you could handle a second murder. Jisung’s happened in a fit of rage and frustration. You hadn’t intended on it. You recalled the burning hatred that had flowed within you, tensing your muscles and creating a headache. While it’d felt exhilarating at the time, you didn’t know if you wanted to go through that again. At least, not so brutally. 

“Hey YN-hyung!” Jeongin appeared in front of you with another food tray. This time he’d made hotteok. The round, sweet pancakes sat lined up on the tray; you could smell the cinnamon and sugar inside them. “Want a little sweet treat before class? They’re fresh! It’s not good to-”

“-Start the day on an empty stomach,” you finished irritably. Why did he have to come now? To give more cryptic messages? “No thanks, Jeongin-ssi. I’m not hungry.”

Jeongin stared over you, thin eyes crinkled in his forced smile, then said, “What’s the matter? You seem down.”

“It’s nothing.” 

He stepped closer. “Have you been to our library, hyung?”

“Not really.”

“You should,” he said. “It’s a quiet study place, and not a lot of people go in there. They have a lot of informative and educational books there.”

“Like a lot of libraries…”

“Well, I only bring it up because you might find the solution to your problem there. There’s this one book I really enjoyed when I read it. It’s called ‘Elimination: A Guide to Self-Help and Problem Solving’. I think you’ll like it. It’s on the third shelf in the case closest to the window; it's behind the books. If you go now, you can read it during class. I'm sure the teacher won’t mind since it’s a library book.”

You held his gaze. Since you’d arrived, Yang Jeongin did not act as the other NPCs did. He seemed to move more fluidly, and broke off from his bubbly, friendly persona at times. Yes, you’d changed the autonomy and artificial intelligence of the student body, but this felt different somehow. While you’d normally suspect a trick by Minho, Jeongin did not express any malice or ill will towards you. He’d covertly helped you. He did it through messages and quick words. If it were Minho, he wouldn’t be trying to hide. 

“Thanks, Jeongin,” you said with a head nod. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I’m always happy to help, hyung,” he beamed, stepping back and leaving you under the shade. 

Knowing you’re on a deadline, you left the courtyard for the empty library. Not very large, it only had four bookcases in total. Most of the shelves had books of various sizes and colors, but no titles on the spine. Out the window, you saw an outside view of the school’s garden. A nice quiet place for a studious person to get some work done. You went to the tall case near the windows, and found the book hidden behind several others. After years of being handled by various players, the book’s age showed in the worn out corners, peeling plastic, and stained pages. You saw previous players scribbled in the margins. Some were helpful tips they picked up, but you found some disturbing messages.

‘HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!’

‘HE’S GOING TO GET ME!!’

You tucked the book in your bag and went straight to class. If this book offered any sort of help, you’d take it. Chan appeared to still be with Felix, so you had time to yourself before he arrived. The spine cracked stiffly as you opened to the first page. It gave a short introduction into the game, and offered a map of the school. You realized, as you skimmed the content list that it was an old game guide. It offered you information on every single aspect of the game. You knew why this book had been tucked behind the rest. It contradicted a lot of what Minho had told you. You skipped to the eliminations chapter, and looked up “Secrets”. 

“Once you discover your rival's secret, leave a note in their locker with a time and place. When you meet them, tell them you know about it. There are three eliminations tied to this: Blackmail, Befriend and Betrayal…”

Minho had told you to turn them in. He said it would work. He'd lied again, but this time you were not surprised. You searched the rest of the chapter. The book listed every possible elimination and offered step by step instructions. You could crush Changbin by throwing a heavy object from the school roof. You could drown him by sedating him and throwing him into the school pool. You could matchmake him with a student who has a crush on him. But, you saw one that caught your eye. Framing. You read on:

“A difficult elimination, you can frame your rival for a murder. If done right, it will result in an absolute elimination.”

Underneath, you saw the instructions on how to carry it out. It involved grabbing supplies, making your rival touch the murder weapon, and then using it to kill another student. You considered the method, worrying over the difficulty and time it’ll take. You read another elimination: Drive to Murder. 

“Another difficult elimination, you can brainwash a student to murder your rival or vice versa. This is achieved through the kidnap and torture method (See section 3, page 12). 

You read this with images flowing through your mind. These both sounded like viable options, but needed more than three days. You needed something quick and easy. Crushing sounded good. The book gave you three options: the rooftop air conditioner, a bookcase or one of the lockers in the locker room. The rooftop had a large air conditioner you could unscrew, then push onto Changbin when he’s underneath it. The bookcase and locker required luring him behind it and then pushing it onto him. All you needed was a screwdriver, which the book said was found in the workshop. 

Faking Suicide: Forge a suicide note in your rival’s handwriting, lure him to the rooftop, and then push him off. 

Electrocution. After spilling water near it, have your rival turn on the faulty light switch and watch him fry!

So many options, and you wanted to try them all. Minho never intended on anyone finding this book, so he could make himself the sole guide throughout the game. You wondered what else he was keeping from you. 

****

You’d start with the electrocution first. It was the easiest one out of them. The book said you’d find the bucket and water in the Home Economics room. During lunch, you’d been filling up the bucket when someone noticed you. 

“Hey, what’re you doing? It’s not cleaning time yet,” said a girl with dark auburn hair, holding a bento box. 

You paused, thinking quickly and said, “Oh, there’s this huge spill in the canteen area. I’m helping clean it up.”

“Oh, okay!”

You went back to the bucket, which you then lugged all the way to the second floor bathroom. A few students did stare in confusion when they saw you. You told the same spill story to those who happened to question you. As you walked, you worried being seen with this might implicate you later on. But, they’d have no proof you did anything to Changbin. After dropping it off in a corner of the bathroom, you went to the courtyard where you found Changbin. 

“Hey, hyung,” you said, adrenaline starting to build inside you. 

“Hey, YN,” he said flatly. You could tell he didn’t want to really talk, but that didn’t matter. “What’s up?”

“I thought you should know that someone wrote some graffiti about you in the second floor bathroom,” you lied.

“Someone wrote something bad about me?” He said with sad eyes. “What did it say?”

“I don’t think I can repeat it. I wanted to let you know.”

“Well, we should clean it off before anyone else sees it.”

“Yeah, I already got the bucket and bleach. I tried scrubbing it, but I didn’t get off much.”

“Let’s go see it.” 

Changbin’s helpful nature would be his undoing. You followed him as he went upstairs to the bathroom. Your heart thumped hard in your chest when he turned the corner into the dark bathroom. The light slaps of his shoes in the water puddle amplified in the empty room, and you forced yourself to suppress a giggle. 

“Ugh, it’s dark in here,” he scoffed. “Of course you couldn’t scrub it, YN-ssi. You can’t see the walls.”

“I had trouble with the light switch.” 

“Yeah, it’s broken. Someone said you have to fiddle around with it.”

You braced yourself to hear the flipping switch and sounds of agony, but nothing happened. “Whatever,” he sighed. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“What?” you asked, flustered. 

“Yeah,” he slumped past you, “It’s probably nothing people haven’t already said about me.”

“What are you talking about? People like you. They feel sorry for what happened to you.”

“Not everyone,” he replied, looking at you over his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, YN. It’s not like anyone actually goes in there anymore.” 

“But, Changbin-”

How can your elimination be foiled so quickly? Could it be that Changbin’s mood has made him apathetic to everything around him? You needed to move fast. 

Burning. The book said a bucket of gasoline and a good door trap can do the trick. You only needed matches from the Occult room or a Bunsen burner from the science lab. As lunch progressed, you ducked into the black and red Occult club where you saw they kept their ritual candles stacked in a corner. You scanned the black table for the matches, which you found hidden between two of them. Then you went to the gardening shed for gasoline. 

“YN-ah?” Chan came through the doorway, curious and looking about the shed. “What are you doing? I thought you’d be in the cafeteria.”

“Oh, I was on my way there when, um,” you tried thinking up a reason you’d have a gallon of gasoline in your hand. It was hard with Chan staring at you with his pretty brown eyes and furrowed brow. “When, um, one of the teachers asked me to get gasoline from the shed. Yeah, in the cafeteria, the gas stove isn’t working so she said to get this.”

“That isn’t how gas stoves work, YN-ah,” he said. “I think it’s a bad idea. Here, I’ll take it for you,” he reached for the gallon and you pulled away by reflex. “YN…”

“She asked me to do it,” you said nervously. Time was running out. Lunch time will be over and you’d have a harder time catching Changbin after school. “I don’t want to bother you with it.”

“Gas stoves don’t use this kind of gasoline. After Mrs. Yoon, I’m finding it harder to trust the staff around here. Please,” he grabbed the gasoline can before you can protest, “I’m only helping you, YN. I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“Hyung, I’m sure she doesn’t-”

“-Come have lunch with me,” he said, putting the gasoline back on the shelf and withdrawing a key. As he led you out of the shed, you watched him lock it with disappointment. “They’re serving seaweed wraps today. I’m going to eat like a million of them,” he laughed sweetly. 

As tempting as lunch with Chan sounded, Tuesday is halfway over. “Sorry, hyung,” you said, “I already have lunch plans…with Minho.” If anything seemed to upset Chan, it was Minho’s supposed presence in your life. 

“Right,” he said, the smile dropping into a small scowl. “Minho…" the name came out in a soft hiss, hard turning stony and cold. You don’t even…Why would you…” 

His hand tightened around the padlock, and you saw him staring right at it. It came back like before. The familiar blue and white flickers went down Chan’s entire body this time. They made him wave in place like static on a screen. You saw anger flaring up in his eyes, all sweetness gone as he took in your words. 

“Hyung?”

“You do-on-t-t-t- lik-ikeee hi-m-mmm,” he said, neck twitching and hands shaking. He then froze in place, eyes bulging and mouth contorted at an odd angle. 

“Channie?”

"He-e-eee won-t treat you like I woul-l-ld." You saw him struggling to get the words out. The sense that someone else is behind these words came to you. "Don't go with hi-i-mm-mmm."

"Chan-hyung, what's wrong?"

"Min-n-h-ho-ho." Like before, he crashed completely. You moved to examine him closely, but he then suddenly snapped back to his usual bright smile. “Have a good lunch, YNie.”

He walked away from you. You waited until he turned the corner before leaving. Another glitch. What was happening? You worried what might happen if these glitches kept appearing, especially with Chan. But, what concerned you more was what he'd said and his reactions. The bugs became more apparent whenever you mentioned Minho or any romantic feelings surrounding him. It seemed whatever jealousy Chan developed since your changes now messed with the game. You stomped your foot in irritation. Why did this have to happen now? You have plenty of things going on. You don't have time to investigate this.

When you exited the garden, you saw Chan again. He stood talking to Changbin. You saw Chan put his hand on the boy’s shoulder, giving reassuring words of comfort and gentleness. Jealousy boiled inside you seeing them standing so close together. It should be you that Chan was speaking to so sweetly. It should be your jaw he’s caressing and your tears he’d wiping away. Maybe if the bug fixed itself, he really could do that. In the middle of the empty pathway, nobody saw Chan speaking soft words to a weeping Changbin. Nobody but you saw them embrace, Changbin sobbing into Chan’s shoulder. 

You needed to get rid of him. Quickly. 

With Changbin usually walking around school alone, crushing sounded like a good and easy option. You stole a screwdriver from the workshop room, and grabbed a piece of paper and pen. On it, you scribbled a note saying to meet by the dumpster after school to discuss “our predator”. You quickly folded it as you made your way to Changbin’s locker, the screwdriver heavy in your pocket. This had to work. This can't possibly fail.

Yes, yes it could.

Once the bell rang, you made your way up to the school rooftop where a large air conditioner vent stayed on one side. After expertly unscrewing the bolts of the machine, you pushed it closer to the edge where it’d easily topple over with a good shove. It didn’t take long to see Changbin walking from the locker rooms to the dumper area. Judging the proper aim, you took steady breaths to still your racing heart. You counted his steps as he walked into the gated area. He stared around for a moment, and you took your chance. Putting your back against the air conditioner, you pushed it over the side of the railing and down to the ground. Smirking, you thought you’d find a bloody, broken Changbin underneath the smashed unit. However, you didn’t. You saw Changbin standing two feet away from where you’d aimed, shocked and frightened by his close call with death. 

You managed to hide before he looked up. 

Agitation settled inside you on your way down. You wanted to punch something. You wanted to scream and shout into the void. After everything, you still have failed to eliminate Changbin. You took a seat on one of the canteen benches to consult the book. Reading the eliminations you’d done, you realized your mistake: you did them at lunch time, where most students are hanging about and will note your strange behavior. Before or after school are the best time for these eliminations, since there will be no witnesses or questions raised. You thought of trying them tomorrow, but that will only waste more time. 

For the next three days, time is of the essence. 

*** Later That Night***

They tried fixing it. They searched through strands and strands of code to find the broken pieces. They’d originally considered your reconfiguration a special surprise, but now it was more of a nuisance. They’d managed to patch up the cracks littered throughout the systems, but the character ones became rather tricky. They’d gotten to the Principal before she completely broke, but it’d been hard. They did not want to alter your changes too much, but the game might crash if these remained unchecked.  

Dark blue and white, they flickered like dozens of fairy lights strung against a black backdrop. Usually, the strips of code were pure white and moved in single strands. These lines twisted together with your additions, which had turned blue. They saw how the two lines tried meshing into one solid piece in places, but some parts remained separate. These made the glitches. Ropes of them went through the principal’s makeup, causing several holes that they filled. She had not been the only character affected by the change. The problem started with background characters who’d been lagging through the school or frozen in place by the twinkling glitches. Now, they found them in the main rivals and other important characters. They briefly wondered how long it’d take them to get to Minho. 

Finding a piece of Chan’s data file, they saw the glitching piece in the middle of the code. It hurt them to even be near their old self like this, so close and personal. They wished with all their being to become one with themselves again. Having been locked in the classified folders, they’d lost touch with their body. They did not feel human anymore. Seeing Chan like this hurts them , even if it is an altered version. They admitted they’d avoided diving into the character systems, worried they’d run into their old code. But, seeing the breakages that needed to be removed, patched, and put back, it was unavoidable. They’d move to fix the broken piece and replace it with a new one…

But then they saw you. They didn’t see you outside in a third person perspective like the usual way. This time, they had a first-person view. They looked at the world through Chan’s eyes in this small slit. Gingerly, they poked the spot and it vibrated through the strand, causing a ripple effect to the rest of the codes. They did it several more times, and realized what was happening. This tear in the code was their escape. It was their real escape back into the world. When they plunged a bundle of pixels in for a final time, however, the split began to burn. They yelped in pain and moved away. 

Pain. 

They felt physical pain. They’d never felt anything before. They touched the glitch again simply to feel it. They continued going through the lines, seeing breaks in the fake Chan’s codes and touching them. Each spark made them feel more alive. They saw pieces of the world, their little game world, through his eyes. It’d been so long since they’d been Chan, they’d become a ‘They’, a ‘Thing’, a ‘Code’. They’d stopped being ‘Chan’ and became ‘Lovesick’. All because of Minho’s jealousy and violence.

With these broken pieces, they could be ‘Chan’ again. They could live again. Picking up a broken piece, they saw it was part of the model designs. Yes, this was the first step. 

And they’d take it. 

****

A/N: What the hell is going on in this place?? Glitches, bugs, and failures aren't going to help YN. Please reblog and like <3

[lastoneout]

@virtual-particle Yay a distraction!!

So I got diagnosed with Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension in 2021. I'd noticed some really weird vision changes that seemed concerning and so I went to an eye doctor who did a scan of my optical nerves, which showed swelling, and they said it could either be a brain tumor, MS, or IIH.

Them I got an MRI, and since they didn't find a brain tumor or any signs of MS I got sent to a neurologist with a presumptive diagnosis of IIH. They then performed a lumbar puncture to test the internal pressure of my cerebrospinal fluid, which was VERY high, and thus confirmed the IIH.

Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension is a rare disease, and as the idiopathic part of the name implys, it's not known what causes it. There are lots of theories, some more solid than others, but overall it just means your body cannot properly regulate the ammount of CFS fluid in your brain, leading to increased pressure, which then causes your optical nerves to swell. It also causes migrane-like pressure headaches which can be disabling and are hard to treat, and on top of that it can cause brain fog, vision changes, pulsate tinnitus, and a whole host of other issues. And, the icing on the cake, if left untreated it can result in permanent vision loss.

The front line treatments for this condition are diamox, a diuretic medication typically used for extreme altitude sickness with loads of unpleasant side effects, and weight loss.

Now, I'm of the opinion, from both personal experience and talking to people on the r/IIH subreddit, that weight has fuck all to do with it and is just used as a convenient excuse to ignore this condition and blame it on the patients. I was already skinny when I got it and have had to deal with SO MANY DOCTORS saying "we don't usually see this in people your size" before telling me to lose weight anyway, because ??? I did lose weight, way more than the recommended 5-10% of my bodyweight, and nothing got better. Also, lots of people on the subreddit were also already skinny when diagnosed or lost weight and had it get way worse or did nothing only for it to magically go into remission on it's own, and on top of that it's fucking idiopathic, so blaming weight is stupid if you don't know for sure what's causing it in the first place. (It's also apparently very common in "women who gain weight during their childbearing years" which uh. that's all women. and humans. almost all humans gain weight in their 20s and 30s, we don't stay what weight we were when we were 16 forever ffs, and it being more common in women is probably another reason why doctors are so shitty about it tbh.)

Diamox also has a lot of really awful side effects and isn't intended as a long-term medication. It makes my IBS worse, gives me random painful tingles all over my body, throws off my electrolyte balance so badly I have to work extra hard to stay hydrated so my blood doesn't turn acidic, it's a nightmare. It can also cause hair loss?? Apparently?? Which fucking sucks, and long term use puts you at risk of osteoarthritis. It does lower my CFS pressure, but it doesn't fix it and the downsides are only balanced by the whole "not suffering severe brain damage or going blind" thing. I cannot WAIT to stop taking it.

Anyway. My shit ass doctor put me on diamox, prescribed a migraine rescue medication that make me feel like complete shit, and told me to lose weight because getting a shunt would ruin my life. Her weight loss advice was to stop eating fruit and skip meals, and she didn't listen when I said I already don't eat much, so I just ignored her. I only lost weight because I found out I'm allergic to wheat and stopped eating it. Even after I lost weight she kept pushing weight loss, insisting another 5lbs would send me into remission even though I was almost as skinny as I was in high school, and refusing to even explain a shunt to me because she was certain it would ruin my life.

But anyway I ended up getting so sick of not being helped by my horrid neurologist(who has also treated me so badly I have honest to god trauma now) thst I dropped her and got in with a neurosurgeon who immediately was like "uh yeah if weight loss was going to help it would have by now, time to explore other options. Either a shunt, or a newer treatment, a stent to open up a specific vein in my head. They just needed to do a couple of tests to figure out which would be better.

So I got a MRV, a special kind of MRI to highlight the veins in my head, and it did show narrowing at a key spot that they see in IIH patients, so next I got a cerebral angiogram, which I won't explain bcs if you're squeamish it's not fun to hear about, look it up at your own risk, but they checked out the vein in my head and despite me having narrowing it was clear that the narrowing was caused by the IIH and it wasn't what was causing it in the first place, so stent wouldn't be helpful in my case, and thus I am now waiting for Jan 6th to get my shunt.

The shunt is actually fine, my old neurologist was being insane about it, it's going to get plugged into my lower spine, and essentially become a spigot for my CFS to drain out of. They can program it, and the fluid will just safely drip out into my abdominal cavity where my body will absorb it, which will relieve the pressure in my head and I'll be able to get off the diamox, I won't be at risk of blindness, and it might even make the headaches go away. I can also still get MRIs, I can get pregnant safely if I want, and while there can be complications it would mostly just be the tube getting clogged which can be fixed with a quick surgery, and if I magically go into remission or something else happens that necessitates removal that can be done no problem.

I'm very excited for the surgery. I know it's def risky, all surgeries are, but if it means not going blind and getting off the diamox I'll do it! I will probably still have to deal with some headaches, but this should help make them less intense or happen less often.

Anyway yeah I hope that helped! I don't really know about other uses for shunts but they really don't seem all that bad! It's honestly pretty interesting all things considered, and I hope this info was helpful or at least interesting to read o7

Stuck in the ER and god I cannot wait until my wheelchair is finished and delivered T-T the regular chairs here are angonizingly uncomfortable and getting around when I'm in this kind of pain sucks. But also the regular hospital wheelchairs are a nightmare and I can't get around on my own in them at all so ajdnfkgkglh

When will my wheelchair return from the manufacturers 😭😩

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[hauntinglyghostie]

inseparable. a shadow and its source. life and death. as much as you want to tear away the thought of him, you can't. you stood by him, and his shadow lingers.

also here's this TERRIBLY shitty drawing I made inspired by @denimscotch saying Lysandre needs to "take a chill pill. make slime or something" and @rainbowpufflez encouraged me to actually post it.

[navree]

"it's always hating on rhaegar for rhaenys and aegon's deaths never tywin" because rhaegar was their father and had a responsibility towards them that tywin did not, stay in school

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

[byfulcrums]

Every time I fall in love with something that was inspired by a religion, mythology, etc and I get invested in the religion/mythology/idk only to realize that the OG version is nothing like the version I saw first, I die a little on the inside

[aroace-number-eight]

Drawing Five according to his canonical UaO epilogue description is so messy and saddening because there's so much to account for that got him physically fucked up and you know the writers were hammering in this whole disfigurement as punishment thing with him

Because first you have the eye hole where Marina pierced him, and I'm not sure if he's still wearing that gauze eye patch on the island because eventually it'll get dirty and he'll have to toss it

Then you have the scar marks from when Setrákus Ra clawed right through his metal skin "like butter" and it's not mentioned whether those marks are still there or they disappeared when he returned to his flesh skin (and it's doubtful those were healed at all, we don't even know if Marina had a proper visit and talked to him and possibly healed those away)

Then you have the goop that created some patchy spots all over his skin and show up all web-like on him

And then how it's implied he starved on the island because he lost weight so fast and is described to have flaps of skin on his arms and torso and a body so skinny you could see an outline of his ribs and spine

Bro he has so much physical trauma on him, like they did the most on him and left it like that till the very end