#the end of the game: it’s not a loop it’s a spiral!

[stylishanachronism]

My good dude you are straight up not clever enough to figure this one out, chill

[velvetjune]

judging people who played alan wake 2 solely on if they loved the musical sequence or not

[emmaswanned]

But seriously the storytelling in AW2 is some crazy ambitious shit, I am so impressed and will be turning it over and over in my head for days if not weeks if not forever

[wife-of-all-dilfs]

a darling and a virgin | f. odair

masterlist

summary: you are a victor from district four, having just ended your first victory tour. after being confronted by president snow, you have no choice but to lose your virginity. luckily, your previous mentor is willing to provide some guidance.

pairing: finnick odair x reader

warnings: mentions of forced prostitution, angst, gentle smut, loss of virginity, fingering, lots of consent, praise, happy but also unhappy ending??, reader takes contraceptives.

notes: i’ve recently found that i’m incapable of writing short smut one shots so… i’m sorry y’all. love describing every detail too much.

word count: 6.8k

Your hands were clasped over the balcony railing of the penthouse you were spending the night in, the vibrant artificial lights of the Capitol burning your retinas as you overlooked the city. You had finally completed your first Victory Tour and were offered one more night in the Capitol to enjoy its ‘luxury’ and ‘generosity’ before returning to District Four in the morning.

For the past two weeks, you had read fabricated speeches to each District, resurfacing both your trauma from the Games and the families of the tributes you had murdered in the arena. The toll it was taking on you was heavy, but you managed to put on a splitting grin for every interview, speech, and disturbing congratulation. But not for your previous mentor, Finnick Odair.

Finnick had been there for you through the whole nightmare, even during the week before your Games. His support was unwavering which was one of the many reasons you had managed to survive from the moment you were Reaped to the end of the Tour. It was hard to tell when his mentorship had turned into something more complicated, but it had. It had become more about feelings than simply survival. Not a relationship per se, but not just a friendship either. You teetered on the line between the two, never crossing it and never discussing the fact that you were both aware of it either.

For six whole months.

When the final destination of the Tour came—the grand celebration at President Snow’s mansion—Finnick had told you it was the easiest part. All you had to do was manage a happy face, mingle with obnoxious Capitol citizens, and eat an abhorrent amount of food. He would have been right if you were a different person. If President Snow hadn’t demanded your singular presence at the end of the night.

You exhaled a shaky breath, watching the white mist drift into the light-polluted sky. The President’s words bounced around your head: Desirable… Customers... Family. The conversation played on a loop in your mind. You could remember the repugnant smell of roses, the overwhelming whiteness in the room, and the way his too-pleasant face lit up as fireworks exploded outside the window.

Shivers trickled down your spine, forming goosebumps that were borderline painful. The fact that you were on the ninetieth floor and wearing flimsy pyjama shorts and a thin long-sleeve shirt wasn’t helping either. The crisp wind blew against your body, but you had no intentions of moving to seek warmth. It felt appropriate to stay in the cold when your body would soon know nothing but unwelcome heat.

So lost in your spiralling thoughts, you failed to notice as another body silently took up space beside yours, warming up the side of your arm. This heat was welcome.

“Pretty cold out here.”

A startled gasp escaped your mouth. You straightened up and turned to the owner of the voice, only to find Finnick leaning against the railing, forearms over the edge the same as you.

“Sorry.” He chuckled. “I know my presence can be a little breathtaking sometimes. Nice shorts by the way.”

He turned his head turned to you, revealing his infamous flirtatious smirk. The dimples in his cheeks were prominent and charming. His bronze hair was perfectly dishevelled as usual, as if someone had purposefully placed each strand to give him the ‘sexy bed hair’ look. He was still wearing his white button-up and black trousers; the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows and a few buttons were undone, revealing his toned chest. The outfit had been accessorised with a metallic golden corset-like belt among other decorations that made him fit in with the Capitol crowd, but he must have taken them off. Now the outfit sort of resembled one that a boy would wear to a Reaping. Simple yet formal. Still gorgeous, not that he needed reminding.

Normally, you would retort with a snarky remark or, on the off occasion, flirt back, but instead, you resumed your previous position over the railings. You weren’t immune to Finnick’s charms; you praised anyone who was. You would usually be internally swooning at the sight of him, especially with the way he looked right now and his obvious flirting. But this night was much different. Flirting and swooning were at the back of your mind. All you could think about was your interaction with the president; the way his guards manhandled and escorted you to his study. The conversation that destroyed your hopes of a peaceful future.

Desirable. One word that sent ice coursing through your veins. Or snow, to be more poetic.

“I don’t think you’ve said a word since we got back,” said Finnick, still a hint of playfulness in his tone. He watched your gaze—eyes distant though not really seeing. It was clear something was wrong, so he continued, this time more softly. “You were gone during the fireworks.”

You remained unmoving, staring straight ahead at the city. Only when he uttered your name did he finally gain your attention. As you turned your head to face him, tears began to well up in your eyes.

Finnick noticed the silent distress in your expression and straightened up his stance. He towered over you, brows knitted together whilst his sea-green eyes flickered across your face, looking as if pieces were slowly falling together in his mind.

“He spoke with you, didn’t he?” he said. “Snow.”

To answer his question for you, a tear escaped your eye, but you were quick to swipe it away with a sniffle.

Your arms wound around your torso, hugging yourself as the words began flowing. “After I won my Games, when I was being crowned, he said something to me that I didn’t really understand." Your voice was gentle, just above a mere whisper. “Months passed and I’d forgotten all about it. Until now at least. He told me…” You swallowed the ache in your throat. “He told me, ‘I have big plans for you, Miss (L/N). I think you will be a very valuable asset to the Capitol citizens.’”

Finnick’s face had melted into an unreadable expression. His entire body turned to stone; it was like he was a marble statue portraying a Greek God. All of a sudden, he was sixteen again. He was in Snow’s study, being told that if he didn’t cooperate and essentially sell himself to the Capitol, his family would pay the price. And they did.

With a sad smile, you whispered, “I know what he meant now.”

Something inside him snapped and he broke from his stupor.

“No.” He vigorously shook his head. “He can’t do that. You can’t. I’ll go to him and—fuck!” His hand ran through his hair, making it even more dishevelled. The bright lights from the city were reflecting off his eyes, revealing the shine that was starting to gloss over them. “I can fix this for you, I swear I’ll—"

“Finnick.”

“He’s a fucking—”

“Finnick.” The plea in your voice ceased his panicked movements. He just stood there, looking completely and utterly helpless. You both did. Another tear slipped down your cheek as you stared at him, your voice wavering as you asked, “Can you hold me?”

He let out a breath as if the air had been knocked from his lungs and in one fell swoop, he stepped forward and pulled you into his arms. Silent tears began to flow more heavily, saturating his white shirt which he held you tightly against. There was a hand wrapped protectively around your lower back and another stroking the hair flowing over your neck.

You were certain Finnick let a few tears slip too because you could feel the cold breeze nip at the top of your head the slightest bit more. He mumbled the words “I’m so sorry” over and over into your hair but you just shook your head. You told him it wasn’t his fault, but he wouldn’t accept it. He had told you months ago about his arrangement with Snow. You couldn’t have imagined what it was like for him then, but you would be able to now. You would know every single little detail.

His embrace tightened as you turned your head and pressed your ear to his thumping chest.

The tears had stopped, and you managed to find your voice again. “Snow threatened to kill my family. What if the customers don’t think I’m good enough and he takes it out on them? I mean, I don’t have any experience.”

You remained silent, awaiting his response. When the hand stroking your hair halted, you realised your mistake. You realised what you had just admitted to him and mentally kicked yourself. Repeatedly.

Finnick moved both hands onto your forearms, gently pushing you away from him to get a clear view of your face. The surprise in his expression was enough to make you want to jump over the balcony ledge in embarrassment.

“You’re a virgin?”

Hearing the words out loud would have sent you over the edge—literally—if Finnick’s large hands weren’t wrapped around your arms. You tried to turn away from him, but his grip was unshakeable. Your eyes began to water again, and you felt pathetic.

“Hey,” he said tenderly as he tried to regain your eye contact. “It’s not a bad thing.”

Your distraught red-rimmed eyes snapped back to him. “Not a bad thing? Of course it’s a bad thing, Finnick! I have to give my body to a stranger despite never even having my first kiss! Let alone sex!” As you said the words, the full reality of your situation began to set in. Panic turned to sadness as you realised yet again, the Capitol was taking another innocence you thought was your own to give away. You looked down, your tone becoming quieter. “I thought my first time would be special. Or at least with someone I loved.”

God, you felt so embarrassed admitting that to him. Sure, a lot of your conversations were flirty and full of sensual banter. Sex, however, was not a topic that came up very frequently. You would never want to accidentally cross a line with Finnick, especially given what Snow forced upon him. So you liked to avoid the subject as much as possible. Now, it was inescapable.

He released his grip and sighed heavily, looking out toward the view as if he were deep in thought. The vivid city lights cast an unnatural hue on his usually golden-tanned skin; even now the Capitol was changing him into something he wasn’t. His eyes shut for a quick second before he reopened them and looked back at you. The only time he had looked this serious was the morning of your Games and the night you returned. It was a little intimidating.

His jaw ticked and his gaze bore down into your own. “Sweetheart, I’m going to ask you something,” he began, “and I want you to know you do not have to say ‘yes’ if you don’t want to, okay?”

Alright, now he was really starting to scare you.

“Okay,” you said warily.

The hardness on his face remained for a moment longer, but then his expression softened and became the most vulnerable you had ever seen.

His voice was gentle. “Do you want me to take your virginity?”

*************

You were sat on the edge of Finnick’s bed, toying with the black satin sheets with a frown. Your room didn’t get satin sheets. It was probably one of the benefits of being the Capitol Darling. Not that you envied him very much. He would probably be content with sleeping on a dirt floor if it meant he got his autonomy back.

Finnick was in the bathroom doing God knows what. You weren’t sure if he was trying to make himself more presentable or hyping himself up to have sex with you. The latter worried you. The last thing you wanted was to pressure him into something he didn’t want to do. Then again, he was the one who asked.

After you had told him “Yes, please”, he had tentatively but oh-so-gently taken your hand in his and guided you inside and to his room. Neither of you had spoken along the way; you just walked in silence toward something that would either ruin or deepen your relationship. Despite being two victors, this was still a mentor making sure his tribute stayed alive.

You heard the bathroom door slide open and looked up to see Finnick standing outside the door. Shirtless, pants still on, and towel in hand. It took everything in you to not stare at his perfectly sculptured torso, his equally toned arms, or his broad and muscular shoulders. Instead, your eyes met his for a split second before you returned to the satin sheets.

Blood rushed to your head and everything felt too real. Finnick Odair was standing before you, looking like an angel and willing to fu—

“You’re allowed to look, you know,” he chuckled.

But your gaze remained on the bed.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You won’t.’” He spread the towel on the bed, positioning it in the middle. Then he stopped his movements as he realised what you meant. “It’s not like that. I’m not being forced to do this. I want to.”

Your head snapped up and your heart leapt as those three words left his lips—I want to. For a second, you believed him, but then reasoning came to deflate your hopefulness.

“You wouldn’t want to if I weren’t in this situation.”

He let go of the towel, sitting down mere inches beside you, his eyes amused despite the solemn context. “And how do you know that?”

“Because…” you trailed off, searching your brain for an explanation only to find none. “Because.”

He smirked. “We need to work on your argumentative skills, sweetheart.”

A small smile worked its way across your lips. He returned it with a comforting smile of his own, though the sense of playfulness never left. It never really did and that was one of the things you admired most about him. Even in the darkest of situations, he was able to provide some light.

Rosy heat crept into your cheeks and you were forced to break eye contact again. Hiding how much he affected you was pointless now; if this was going to work out, you needed to be vulnerable with him. With each other. You looked down at the space between your bodies. His hand was resting on the bed beside him and soon enough, it was slowly creeping across the sheets over to your own. He gently brushed his fingers across your knuckles before sliding his hand beneath your palm and interlocking it with yours. You couldn’t help but notice how small your hand looked compared to his, feeling butterflies flutter around your stomach at the small observation.

The both of you silently watched your intertwined hands. That is until Finnick decided to speak up.

“I would,” he said ambiguously, caressing the side of your hand with his thumb. “I would still want to. Even in different circumstances.”

The blush on your face reddened even more; your cheeks were on fire at this point. Even in different circumstances. Was that his way of confessing… that he did have feelings for you? It wasn’t exactly explicit, but it was certainly implied. Oh god, you didn’t know what to think.

You didn’t bother to reply; words probably would have failed you anyway. You just gave his hand a slight squeeze in acknowledgement—well, it was more in appreciation. It was obvious how hard he was trying to make you feel comfortable, but no matter how hard he tried, you couldn’t shake the nerves that were rattling your entire being.

Sex was a pretty big milestone—to you, at least—and here you were, on the precipice with someone you trusted with your life. Did you love Finnick? You weren’t sure. What you did know was that your feelings for him were deep, and even though neither of you had ever clearly confessed to each other, you knew he felt something for you too. Which made everything all the more daunting.

“Are you nervous?” he asked softly.

You nodded.

“We still don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

You shook your head, lifting your gaze to his. “No, I—”

His eyebrows pulled inwards, awaiting your answer. His eyes were so inviting and full of understanding, if you hadn’t lost the ability to form full sentences, you would have found yourself spilling all your secrets to him. He was so patient with you. So good. You had to rethink your uncertainty about loving him.

“I…” you tried again. Your eyes flickered back and forth from his sea-green eyes to his soft, pink lips. As shameful as it felt to admit, you had imagined what it would feel like to have his lips on yours many times before. Usually right before you went to sleep. Never would you have thought the day would come when it would actually happen.

He was still caressing the side of your palm, silently reassuring you, encouraging you to communicate with him. You sighed, closing your eyes. If he wanted you to communicate, then you would.

“Finnick,” you whispered. “Kiss me.”

Your words drifted into the air, stilling everything in the room—the air, Finnick’s hand. Your heart. He just stared at you, unblinking, unmoving, like someone had hit pause on the television at the tensest moment. The tension was tearing you apart and you almost got up and left the room. But you didn’t. Because suddenly, the sides of your face were cupped by large hands and his lips were on yours.

Finnick Odair was kissing you.

His lips pressed against yours once more in one long close-mouthed kiss before leaving again. Shock came and left within seconds and you found the courage to copy his actions. Your lips locked perfectly onto his, remaining still, enjoying the pressure and tingly warmth of simply having them connected. Then your lips moved to kiss him again. And again, and again until soon enough, his tongue had slyly slid into your mouth and you had somehow instantaneously become a master at French kissing.

This kiss felt familiar, despite it being your first. Like something you had done millions of times before, but only with him. Like having his lips on yours was the most natural thing to ever exist.

A hand moved onto your waist and suddenly you were being pulled onto his lap, legs straddling his lap. Your hands fell on his chest, mindlessly wandering and feeling the toned muscles ripple underneath your palms as he pulled you closer by the neck to deepen the kiss. Damn the people of the Capitol, but they were right to say he was an incredible kisser.

“Finn,” you huffed in between kisses, “have you got a rock in your pants?”

He pecked your lips once more with a smirk, resting his forehead against yours as you both attempted to catch your breaths. “No,” he chuckled. “I’ve just got a beautiful girl on my lap.”

Your eyes opened to see him grinning at you with mischief. Oh.

“Is that okay?” he asked.

You nodded jerkily. “Ye—Yes, that’s okay.”

“Okay, good.”

Biting your lip, you looked down between your bodies. Curiously, you rocked your hips along the length of his lap once, earning a quiet grunt from him.

He tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “Careful,” his voice was low, tempting.

And of course, in full defiance, you did it again. His warning was a bluff. He made no real action to prevent you from grinding any further on his erection, so you kept moving, and he kept revealing how good it made him feel. The thin fabric of your shorts created a little barrier between his hard lap and the growing sensitivity between your thighs.

Meanwhile, you found yourself never wanting to be parted from Finnick’s lips. With every rock of your hips, your hands ran over every inch of his upper body, eventually settling in his hair. The way he kissed reminded you of stories of District Twelve. A district full of hunger and desperation. Only what Finnick was craving wasn’t the fullness of food in his stomach, but the desire to devour you whole. To ravage you. And by God, would you give anything to satiate him.

Forget what you thought before. This wasn’t just a victor keeping his tribute alive. As clear as the sea on a sunny day, this was a man giving himself over to a woman he loved. You. Finnick loved you.

When you pulled back to tentatively lift your shirt over your head, his eyes stayed on yours. Your breasts were literally bare and he just continued to scan the features of your face. However, you did notice the subtle shift in his breathing.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, stroking the side of your breast.

A shy, cheek-warming smile crept on your face and then suddenly, Finnick was rolling you over. Your head fell back onto the soft silk pillows, Finnick hovering above you. This position remained for a long while, the time spent simply kissing each other, alternating between deep tongue-filled kisses and soft sweet pecks. There were moments when you both stopped to flirt or giggle. These were the times you entirely forgot the whole reason you were doing this in the first place.

It was just you and Finnick. Two new lovers in a perfect world.

After a while, your lips had swollen with warm, passionate heat. You were flushed and you didn’t even need to look to know your hair was already a tangled mess. But you didn’t care.

One of Finnick’s hands had begun to wander down your stomach, breaking the established pattern of merely making out. You knew what was coming and surprisingly, you weren’t afraid. Unlike outside the penthouse apartment, there was no danger. Not in this room, in this bed, or in the hands that caressed you. He grazed across the skin beneath your belly button, causing your body to flinch up into his.

Of course, he smirked at that—the smug asshole.

He returned to your lips before lowering down to your neck and sucking soft, red marks into your fragile skin. His fingers found the edge of your waistband. At this point, you were already breathing like a marathoner.

His lips detached from your neck. “Can Itouch you?”

“Yes, please,” you breathed.

As he travelled down, down beneath your waistband, he pecked your reddened lips once more. A soft gasp escaped you and warmth tingled between your thighs. His fingers were gentle as he began circling that sweet, sensitive spot only you had ever touched. Having someone else touch you felt so much more different, so much more exquisite. Your body responded to his touch immediately, hips following each movement of his fingers, breaths quickening in pace.

Finnick gazed down at you, observing each pleasured twist of your expression. He began to pick up the pace as he noticed your body familiarising itself with the sensation. More pressure was applied and the gasps leaving your mouth were gradually turning into quiet moans.

“This feel okay?” he asked. Obviously, he knew the answer, but after years of having others take advantage of him, he couldn’t help but want to hear your willingness. Your consent.

But you weren’t sure if the words could form. Everything felt like it was vibrating. All you could do was focus on the pleasure his fingers were building.

“Come on, sweetheart. You can tell me.”

His voice had taken on that seductive purr he was well-known for and you just couldn’t deny him. It took everything inside you to muster up the words. “It—it feels so good.”

He smiled and pressed a kiss to your forehead. The gesture was so sweet, you could have cried. So sweet even with his hand stroking between your legs and his hard cock pressing against your thigh. Time slowed as his fingers sped up. Muscles in your stomach were tightening. Your insides were churning—not like when you first entered your Games’ arena, but in the best way possible. It was a sensation you had never felt before, but before it could build any more, Finnick’s hand stilled. And you genuinely whined at the loss of friction.

Then his hand moved even lower, resting a singular finger over your slick entrance. Your eyes were wide, unsure of how to feel with the sudden turn of events.

Finnick’s eyes flickered between your own. "You trust me?”

You weren’t sure if an easier question existed. “I do.”

And his lips were on yours again, deep and sensual. His tongue rolled over your own, pushing forward and then retreating in a perfect rhythm. He almost successfully distracted you from the feeling of his middle finger sinking into you knuckle-by-knuckle. Some sort of sound resembling a mix of discomfort and surprise vibrated in your throat as his finger bottomed out.

There wasn’t much pain. It was just an odd feeling.

Your lips parted from his and he looked down at you, his eyes holding an immense amount of security as he communicated through your shared gaze.

Does it hurt?

You gave him a gentle smile. No. Keep touching me.

He returned your smile with a grin. Gladly.

His buried finger curled, shooting a sharp pang up into your stomach which caused your back to arch up against his bare torso. Whether you considered it painful or pleasurable was uncertain. Perhaps a mix of both. He did it again. This time you settled on describing it as a tight twinge in your lower stomach which sent a wave of chills down your legs. Definitely pleasurable. Only, he stopped indulging you with the sensation after the second time.

Instead, you felt another finger slowly slip inside you and whimpered. Now that hurt. You felt your inner walls stretch with the second addition and it stung. Especially when he began to scissor his fingers inside you. This was him preparing you for the real deal. How you were supposed to have Finnick inside you when just his fingers had you stuffed was incomprehensible. But you allowed him to keep going, trying to enjoy the comforting kisses he pampered onto you.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart,” he said.

Your hands moved to push back his messy bronze hair as he hovered above you. His dimples deepened with a grin and you swore you would endure any pain to keep them etched on his face. After he deemed you stretched out enough, he slowly rose to his knees, unbuttoning his trousers and throwing them aside. You couldn’t do anything but stare. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

The way you gulped was almost cartoonish. How the hell was he supposed to fit? You had never seen a man naked before—you weren’t even sure Finnick was human. He had a body sculptured by the Gods, a face carved by angels, and a… well, let’s just say he didn’t disappoint in any other areas. You weren’t sure if the smug look on his face was real or a carefully curated mask created for his Capitol customers. By the way it quickly washed away, you could tell it was the latter.

He began sliding your shorts down your legs, tossing them to the floor. Suddenly, you felt extremely vulnerable. Almost inferior. Your knees fell together, concealing the most private part of yourself from him. You avoided his gaze, cheeks becoming red and hot as he observed your naked frame. He had a way of looking at you as if you were a long-forgotten masterpiece, rediscovered from centuries of being lost. No one had looked at you like that before him.

Gently, he pried apart your legs and you didn’t bother trying to resist. Only when he descended and settled between your legs did the insecurity dwindle into the background of your mind. Your naked bodies were hot against each other. His weight pinned you against the bed. Everything that was yours touched all that was his. You thought this experience would feel like a dream, but it all felt so real. You were nervous, you were trembling, and your breaths were shaky.

Finnick was quick to recognise the nervousness radiating off you. His arm curled beneath you, somehow pulling you even closer, meanwhile, his other arm rested beside your head. He brushed strands of hair away from your face, soothing you with his tender touch.

“Tell me to stop and I will.”

You nodded. You wanted this—wanted Finnick. It was just the anticipation that was killing you. Your thighs squeezed his sides to tell him you were ready. For a few moments longer, he restarted the pattern of sweet kisses, rolling tongues, and the warmth of blood rushing to your head. His hand was caressing your cheek; yours were splayed on his back, gliding over the rippled muscles.

Then finally, he shifted, his hand moving south to align himself with your entrance. All you could do was watch his focused expression. This was the moment. The threshold of your relationship would be ­­crossed as soon as he pushed forward. There was no one else you wanted to share the experience with because you knew this wasn’t just sex. Not for him or for you; it was more than that. Something bordering spiritual, breaking the bounds of physical pleasure and entering into a deep emotional connection. Something no paying customer of the Capitol could provide.

He was gazing down at you, half-cradling your head as he began to say, “Are you su—" But before he could finish, you had pressed your lips to his, answering his question. You were sure. He nodded in response.

His eyes were hesitant he began to push his tip between your folds. Your fingers dug into his back, more from anxiety than anything else. It became a game of stopping and starting as he moved deeper inside inch-by-inch, allowing your walls time to adjust around him. Never had you seen someone’s face filled with so many emotions—concentration, controlled gratification, affection. So many feelings twisted his expression. Meanwhile, yours held only one. Discomfort. He was so big; you felt like you were being split apart and he wasn’t even fully inside yet.

Finally, when his pelvis connected with yours, you exhaled a heavy breath. It hurt. Bad. Finnick had the right idea to lay down a towel because you definitely needed it. He had you filled to the brim, stretched out and stuffed. Even the slightest shift in his position had your hands flying to his shoulders in pain.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes, just—” You bit your lip in an attempt to suppress a whimper. “Just go slow.”

He nodded. You smiled. Then for some odd reason, you laughed. And then so did he. Finnick’s face fell into the crook of your neck, muffling his boyish laughs into your skin. The added movements had your insides dully aching, but you didn’t pay it much attention. The moment was so innocently intimate that you wanted to stay in it forever. He lifted his head to press his grinning lips to yours and the laughter began to dissipate. Your mouths moved slowly together, full of heat and fervent emotion, and suddenly, Finnick’s body began to move too.

Careful as not to harm you, he slid himself backward in one slow motion and then pushed forward again in another. Pain stung at your inner walls and your lips left his as a gasp escaped your mouth. You were tempted to close your eyes whilst riding out the discomfort but couldn’t bring yourself to look away from Finnick’s face. He was so mesmerizingly beautiful.

His cheeks were a baby pink. Lips were a rosy red. There was a thin sheen covering his forehead, slightly wrinkled by his furrowed brows. Those messy bronze locks you adored so much fell in strands across his forehead. The evident concentration and care on his face just made him look all the more picturesque.

While you admired his features, you started to notice the pain accompanying his slow thrusts was becoming more tolerable. There was still a sting, but also a dull twinge in your stomach that had you biting your bottom lip. It felt sort of… nice. And you wanted to experiment with that feeling.

Your hands were hooked around his shoulders. “Faster.”

Are you sure? His lustful eyes spoke.

You pulled him back down to your mouth. Absolutely.

And so, his hips started to rock back and forth at a faster pace. You could feel yourself clench around his cock from the change of rhythm but forced yourself to relax. He thrust in and out, rubbing against the ripples of your walls, tip brushing at a spot inside you that was anything but pain. That is what you focused on—that one sweet spot.

Time went on and he gradually increased his speed. Your lips were swollen and red, no doubt from the way he would nip and suck on your bottom lip in between each flick of his tongue. His breaths were coming out louder, heavier, as were your own. Soon enough, you were in a rhythm that was both pleasurable for him and for you. The pain lingered but it was no longer unbearable. A shudder ran down your body and your pussy fluttered around him. Finnick broke away from your lips with a breathy groan that you swore you could feel in the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

His thrusts became a little faster, a little more painful. A hand slipped down between your bodies and the pain faded quicker than it came. He was rubbing circles around your clit, occasionally running his fingers across it which caused you to lurch upward. All of a sudden, you came to the realisation that everything bad that had been clouding your mind had disappeared. The ache, the confrontation with Snow. Everything. The only thing you could focus on was the pleasure slowly building between your thighs and in your stomach. And Finnick. His tantalising eyes. His wicked mouth. His throbbing cock.

People always said your first time would be horrible; this was anything but. Maybe it had to do with the fact that you… loved him? Yeah, you loved him. Also because he was something of an expert at sex. You were in a pretty unlucky predicament but having Finnick willingly fucking you was a blessing.

His fingers were relentless, applying the perfect amount of pleasure that had you writhing beneath him. And added with the sensation of his cock repeatedly hitting that spot inside you, your uneven breaths turned into soft moans. He fucked, he rubbed, he nipped and sucked at the delicate skin of your neck. Heat was enveloping your entire body.

“Finnick,” you moaned.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” His voice was strained and hoarse.

His hand left your clit, hooking around your thigh, and curling it around his back so he could thrust even deeper. He restarted his rhythm of rubbing circles, but his thrusts felt different. Instead of just brushing that sensitiveness deep inside you, he was mercilessly hitting it. Over and over. Your moans were louder now; Finnick was more vocal too, grunting and occasionally uttering words of praise.

This went on for a while. His stamina was incredible—if you had a moment to think, you would have realised the depressing reasoning behind it. But you couldn’t think at all. Your heel was digging into his back; nails scratching at his skin. Both of you had a layer of sweat covering your bodies, skin wet, slapping and sliding over one another. Your pheromones had filled the room with the smell of sex, driving your need to finish.

Finnick’s mouth had been everywhere at this point. Your lips, your neck, shoulders, and breasts. Everywhere except your pussy, not that it really mattered anymore.

It was hard for you to comprehend how fucking amazing the sensations you felt were. There was heat and pressure pooling in your stomach, increasing at a slow pace, and growing more powerful by the minute. Finnick’s hips moved at a steady pace, but his hand had begun to slow. Even he had to succumb to fatigue at some point. He sounded like he had run for miles though was obviously pushing himself on for your benefit.

Instead of ceasing his tiring hand movements entirely, he switched hands. And that was when the heat in your stomach turned into a blazing inferno. He was much faster now. Applied more pressure. Your head fell back against the pillow with a cry. His cock was throbbing inside you at the sound.

“That feel good? Huh?” he practically moaned.

He left kisses across the stretch of your neck, running his tongue over the skin and leaving behind red marks.

“Yes!” you cried out.

Your entire body felt like it was being dipped into a white-hot flame of pleasure and the feeling was only increasing. It was clear Finnick felt the same way. His thrusts were becoming more frantic, he was cursing left and right, and he was practically pulsing inside you.

The heat in your stomach was overwhelming but you needed more.

“Finnick, I feel—I feel—” You couldn’t even describe it.

Finnick nodded, breathing heavily above you. God, he looked gorgeous. “You’re gonna come.”

Your half-lidded needy eyes met his. Something about him saying those words sent a wave of acceleration through your body. You hadn’t known what the edge was until you were on the brink of coming, and there was no stopping it. His cock plunged in and out, pushing deep inside you, practically rocketing your orgasm to the surface with each thrust. His fingers moved at such an intense pace you didn’t even know was physically possible.

As your eyes fluttered shut, your mouth fell open and every frantic breath, moan, and cry was able to escape. Finnick had the same problem. Fuck, he sounded so sexy, it only spurred you on.

Then it hit you all at once. “Fu—"

Every inch of your body tensed. You were sent into a space where white noise filled your hearing and bliss was all you knew. No pain. No sadness. Just ecstasy. Electric sparks jolted up and down your body, rising to your head, and causing you to see stars behind your closed eyes. Your moans were uncontrollable and desperate, voicing Finnick’s name over and over.

His thrusts were frenzied and sloppy, prolonging your orgasm as long as he could. He had lifted your lower back into an arch, enhancing the sensation coursing through your body. Your walls were clenching and pulsing around him, so much that he was abruptly thrown into his own high. His hips stuttered and eventually, his cock filled you as deep as he could, spurting out warm strings of white that coated your inner walls.

He collapsed on top of you, face buried in the crook of your neck. Your fingers wound into his hair, clinging to him as the aftershocks of your orgasm ravaged your body. Legs trembling and mouth panting, you lay there allowing yourself to regain your breath and ability to move.

After pressing a lazy kiss to your neck, Finnick slid off you, falling onto the bed beside you. Hopefully the towel was enough to save the silk sheets.

Now that you were resting, exhaustion had the chance to cloud your mind. You weren’t sure what the customs were after sex—whether you made conversation or simply went to sleep. The latter sounded pretty good though. A warm hand slipped beneath your back, turning your body sideways and pulling you so you were half strewn across Finnick’s chest and legs. You made no effort to resist.

Eyes closed, you listened to the heart beating inside his ribs. Thrumming intensely though starting to return to a normal rate.

“Are you okay?” he asked with a murmur, sounding utterly drained.

His thumb drew gentle patterns on the skin of your waist.

You nodded against his chest, remaining silent. After a little while you finally decided to speak. “I’m glad it was you.” And then after a few more moments of silence, you added, “I wish it was just you.”

You felt him press his lips to the top of your head. A long and emotional kiss. The whole reasoning behind losing your virginity returned to mind. It felt heavy, weighing down the atmosphere in the room. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, what was coming was inevitable. You wouldn’t get to stay with Finnick in this bed. You wouldn’t get to belong to him, or he you. You both belonged to the Capitol. To Snow. No matter how much you wished to belong to each other.

He whispered, “Me too.”

[tidalcove]

just rewatched this part to refresh my memory and alice's first line is 'it's me again' when saga answers the phone validates what i've personally always thought: the first play-through isn't the first 'loop' so alan and saga have all done this before.

things i randomly think about: alice being the one to wake up saga and help guide her when she's in the dark place

[withwritersblock]

because i liked a boy

~because i liked a boy by Sabrina Carpenter~

Author's Note: requested! Summary: Y/N gets a lot of hate online and Nico comforts her Warnings: brief discription of hurtful language Word Count: 1,893 Nico Hischier x fm!reader

Nico and Y/N have been together for nearly a year and their relationship has remained offline for most of it. Despite both of them being in the spotlight at different levels. Nico was the captain of the New Jersey Devils while Y/N had a huge TikTok following. 

She spent a lot of her videos focusing on makeup and different trends. Today, she decided to film a get ready with me, dedicated to going to Nico’s home opener. For the last two seconds of the video, she showed herself in the mirror posing beside Nico.

It didn’t cross her mind that his fans would find the video as fast as they did. The entire comment section was berating her appearance and talking about how she doesn’t deserve him. Usually, she ignores a lot of the hate that she gets, but something about how even her own fans were switching up on her. 

The entire third period was still left as the boys were just now starting the period. She kept her gaze on her phone, scrolling the comments. Many of them were talking about how she is too ugly to be with. While others were saying that she was too full of herself to be with him. 

Reanne tapped her hand against Y/N’s forearm. Y/N lifted her gaze towards Reanne and forced a smile to her lips. “Are you okay?” she asked. Y/N nodded as she tilted her head back to the comments, she began to scroll through them again. Even clicking on each reply.

“Showed my followers Nico today,” she said, nonchalantly. She lifted her gaze towards the TV screen to watch the game get going. Reanne pouted slightly, “Did not go as well as I expected. I mean only people who follow hockey would’ve known it was him,” Y/N explained as she turned her phone screen off. 

“What are they saying?” Reanne asked as she ran her hand up and down Y/N’s arm reassuringly. 

“Just the usual stuff, commenting on my appearance and my personality. Saying that they know I’m not good enough for Nico; or I’m too full of myself to be with him,”

“Oh that’s bullshit,” Reanne reassured, “People on the Internet think they know the boys but they don’t,” she continued. 

Y/N nodded politely, listening to what she had to say but not truly letting the words sink in. 

The game ended with a win for the team. It was exciting and a hopeful start for the rest of the season. She waited in the suite for a while, as she was avoiding Nico. She knew she would have to put on a front for him, but it was hard as she was starting to spiral.

Each comment, all six hundred of them were starting to repeat in her mind on a loop. It was becoming impossible. The hard part was the fact that her supposed loyal followers were even saying awful things about her. 

She was the last one to leave the suite as she wandered the empty halls of the arena, waiting for Nico to tell her he was ready to head towards the car. Every home game she would roam around until he was ready to head. Being captain held a lot of media responsibilities compared to the other players.

Nico Boy: Come to the locker room darling

She smiled at the text as she began walking towards the locker room. For a brief second, for only a moment she forgot. She forgot about all of the awful things the comments were saying. All she knew was that she was heading to the love of her life. The light in her life, the one person who could truly help her in this moment.

After a handful of minutes she walked towards the locker room, seeing Nico standing outside of it. He lifted his gaze from his phone as he smiled widely. He was giddy as he walked towards her, widening his arms. She giggled as she wrapped her arms around the center of his back, He tightly wrapped his arms around her. 

He took a hold of the back of her head. She melted into his chest, suddenly getting teary eyed feeling his touch. “New tradition, right here,” he mumbled as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. 

She reluctantly pulled away, dropping her gaze. She blinked rapidly as she fought the tears forming in her eyes. He clenched his jaw as he furrowed his eyebrows, “Hey, why are you crying?” he asked as he rested his hands onto her hips. 

“No, no not crying, I promise,” she said smiling, her eyes instantly drying up, “Come on, let’s get home,” she said as she looped her arm around his as she began guiding him towards his car.

She was silent for the whole drive home, which was odd. She normally would be singing along to whatever song Nico was playing. He kept the music loud, not wanting to ask her any questions as she was definitely not feeling great. Instead he kept his hand on her thigh, rubbing his thumb in small circles.

He pulled into his parking spot inside the parking garage of his apartment. He quickly put the car in park and turned his body to the side. “Are you okay?” he asked as he tucked his knee towards his chest, “Don’t lie,” he said as he tapped his hand against her leg. 

She tilted her head to the side as she clenched her jaw. “Nico, I don’t want to talk about it,” she mumbled as she unbuckled her seatbelt. 

“My love, you’re sad,” he let out. A drawn out sigh left her throat as she tilted her head to the side to meet his gaze. She scanned his features, his eyes were squinted slightly as his lips were pouted. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said as she climbed out of the car. She shut the door and began walking towards the elevator. He clenched his jaw as he quickly followed her out of the car. 

He jogged after her, shocked at how fast she was able to get across the parking garage. “Y/N,” he let out as he reached beside her. She stopped short as she turned and met his gaze, she was crying now. “My love,” he let out sadly as he quickly wrapped his arms around her. She tightened her grip around his chest as she sobbed into his chest. “Upstairs, yeah?” he asked as he ran his hand up and down her back.

She nodded as she pulled away from his grasp, walking ahead of him towards the elevator. He let her keep the lead, walking behind her. He felt his heart ache in his chest. He was aware that he obviously didn’t do anything but still felt like he harmed her. 

Once they reached the elevator, it opened instantly as she pressed the button. They stepped inside, side by side. He loosely wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her to his side. She rested her head onto his shoulder as she took in a deep breath. 

After a few seconds they walked down the hall towards Nico’s apartment, where they practically live together. He unlocked the door and opened it as he quickly stepped inside, she followed behind. 

He spun around, hugging her tightly once more. “It’s stupid,” she muttered. He shook his head as he continued to run his hand up and down her back. 

After a few seconds she pulled away, dug into her pocket. She fished her phone out and pulled up the video on TikTok. “The comments,” she mumbled as she handed him the phone. She walked away towards the bedroom as she took a deep breath. 

He stood still in the entryway, reading the different comments. His body was fueling with anger only after a few comments. Utterly shocked to see that anyone could say anything bad about his beautiful girlfriend. 

Comment: ugh he’s way too good to be dating her, has he actually looked at her?

He read that comment multiple times, shocked to even think that anyone could think that. Especially someone who doesn’t even know who he is. She is the most perfect person in the world, the most gorgeous girl, she was everything to him. 

He went to the settings on her account and turned off all of the comments. Even on her other videos. Right now, she doesn't need to see any of the content.

He took a sharp breath as he walked towards the bedroom.She was already in her pajamas and curled up into bed, her makeup still on her face. She rolled onto her side, curling the blanket up to her chin.

 He tilted his head to the side as he took his suit jacket off of his frame, tossing it onto the chair in the corner of the room. He began to unbutton his shirt and slide his pants off of his body. He slipped into the closet as he pulled up a pair of sweats onto his frame. He walked towards the bed. He climbed under the blanket and quickly cuddled up against her body.

He looped his hand around her stomach, he ran his hand up her shirt. Reassuringly running his hand along her skin. He pulled her towards him, pressing his lips against her shoulder for a few seconds.

“You know they are just jealous,” he whispered into her ear, “You are so beautiful,” he mumbled. She squinted her eyes shut as she held her breath for a few seconds. “There is nothing that anyone on the Internet could say that could make me not love you or make me think you are not the most gorgeous girl in the world,” he whispered. 

“I know,” she let out, her voice rasped as she spoke. “It was just overwhelming,” she mumbled.

“I know, my love,” he whispered before he pressed his lips to her shoulder, “Take a few days off, spend time with me,” he whispered as she rolled her body over, facing him. “I turned the comments off,” he said. Her eyes widened.

“Nico,” she scolded.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Then they’ll know it bugged me! That’s like the worst thing you could’ve done,” she let out, tilting her head back. Her eyes started tearing up again. He pressed his lips together as he scanned her features. He raised his hand up as he rested his hand on her cheek.

“What they think of you doesn’t matter. What you think of you matters,” he let out, rubbing his thumb across her skin so delicately. “The words they are saying are hurting you, my love, you don’t need to read those things,” he reassured. She clenched her jaw as she shut her eyes, a tear streamed down her cheek. He wiped it away. 

She smiled softly towards him. “Make a video about it, be transparent, it could help,” he explained. She nodded as she rested her hand onto his forearm.

“Okay,” she let out as he scanned her features.

“I love you,” he let out.

“I love you too,” she whispered as he leaned down and kissed her softly. He pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. 

“It’ll be okay,” he mumbled before he kissed her again.

[the-bitter-ocean]

ISAT AGESWAP AU MASTERPOST

SYNOPSIS: ISAT Ageswap Au is an au where the characters’ ages in the story of ISAT are swapped. In this Au Bonnie is the oldest in the group (the rest of the saviors of Vaugarde are kids) and they’re also the one stuck in a timeloop. This au has multiple collaborators working on it: @startagainaprologue (Pastell) @tealgoat (Teal) @basilpaste (Basil) @pixxyofice (Pix) and myself! This idea initially was a joke idea for fun that was brought up in a group chat and then quickly spiraled into something more complex later on. (THIS AU CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE FULL GAME, INCLUDING A6SE/“2HATS” + SASASAP SPOILERS).

Decided to make more of these little masterposts for the sake of organization and also so that way people who are new to the Au can figure out where to find all the posts about it. Like all the other master posts I’ve made before, these will be updated periodically as myself, or others who make stuff about the au. Art, writing and questions answered about how the Au works will be listed under the cut:

(ASKS)

So who’s the one looping in this au?

How old is The King in this au? Is he a kid like the rest of the saviors of Vaugarde?

How old is Bonnie in this au? (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Is feeding the kids Bonnie’s go to method in the ageswap au?

Does Bonnie tell anyone in the group about the timeloops?

Does Bonnie forget anything in the loops?

Out of the kids in the group who is the oldest/youngest?

Did Mirabelle ask for help from the Defenders? How did that go?

How did Odile get from Ka Bue to Vaugarde?

What is Odile Like in this au?

Does Isabeau still have a crush on Siffrin in this au?

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) How did Siffrin react to Bonnie losing their eye?

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) How did the group manage to get Bonnie to a hospital during the eye incident?

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) Does Siffrin end up saying the name of the island north of Vaugarde? If so how does that go?

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) What Does The King Do In The End Of Act 3?

(ACT 3 /A6SE SPOILERS) How recently did the island get [REDACTED] in this Au? What did Loop wish for?

(ACT 5 SPOILERS) Do the kids go on a mission to save their guardian?

(ACT 5/ A6SE SPOILERS) Is Loop shy with the other kids in the group?

(A6SE / SASASAP SPOILERS)Wait… So like what’s the deal with Loop in this au? (art by @/tealgoat)

(ACT 6/A6SE SPOILERS) How does 2Hats encounter go in this Au?

(ACT 3/ ACT 4/ A6SE SPOILERS) How would canon ISAT! Siffrin react to Ageswap! Au Bonnie (and vice versa)

(ART)

Ageswap Au Designs (Bonnie, Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile & Siffrin)

Ageswap Au Designs (Petronille & Bonnie)

Ageswap Au Designs (Loop) ( art and design by @/startagainaprologue)

Ageswap Au Concept Doodles (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Odile Talk Sprites (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Mirabelle & Isabeau Talk Sprites

Siffrin Talk Sprites (edits by @/tealgoat)

Bonnie Talk Sprites (art by @/tealgoat)

Where Are Your Parents? (art by @/tealgoat)

Cool Rocks (art by @/tealgoat)

Nothing To See Here! (art by @/tealgoat)

Making Dinner (art by @/tealgoat)

Rainy Day (art by @/tealgoat)

Some Needed Rest (art by @/tealgoat)

Snack For You (art by @/tealgoat)

Misc. Ageswap Phone Doodles (art by @/tealgoat)

Sleepy Loop (art by @/tealgoat)

Loop & Bonnie (art by @/tealgoat)

Oops! (art by @/tealgoat)

Baby Dile Jordans (art by @/tealgoat)

Ageswap Odile Birthday! (art by @/pixxyofice)

Happy Birthday Odile (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Baby Dile Doodles (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Babybeau & Babybelle (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Happy Mira Monday (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Ageswap Isabeau Doodle (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Isabeau & Odile (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Isabeau & Siffrin (art by @/pixxyofice)

First Orb Obtained! (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Loop: Content vs Pissed (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Loop Gets A Toy (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Loop’s Hat Now (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Loop Is 1cm Tall (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Ageswap Au Cat Edition (art and designs by @/startagainaprologue)

Kitty Babydile doodle (art by @/startagainaprologue & @/tealgoat)

Kitty Babybelle Doodle (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Loop and Bonnie (cat edition) (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Powerful Trans Aura (art by @/startagainaprologue)

What’s My Bloodtype? (Art by @/startagainaprologue)

POV: You Are Mira And This Kid Skitters Over To Join Your Party (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Saviors of Vaugarde Naptime (art by @/startagainaprologue)

Croc-Odile! (Art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 1 SPOILERS) Everything’s Fine! (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) If The Universe Allows Me To See It (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) Thank Change You’re Safe.. (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) Accidents (art by @/tealgoat)

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) You Look Like A Pirate (art by @/tealgoat)

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) POV: You Ask Them To Say The Country’s Name With You (art by @/tealgoat)

(ACT 3 Spoilers) Mistakes Were Made (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 3 SPOILERS) Are You Okay? (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 3/4 SPOILERS) Ghost (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 3/ A6SE SPOILERS) Miscellaneous Ageswap Au Doodles

(ACT 4 SPOILERS) Are You In A Timeloop? (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 5 SPOILERS) Ageswap Au MDP Design

(ACT 5 SPOILERS) The One You Couldn’t Protect (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 6/ A6SE SPOILERS) A Bunch of Bonnie Loopers (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(A6SE SPOILERS ) Ageswap Au Loop Sprites

(A6SE SPOILERS) A Bad Dream (art by @/tealgoat)

(A6SE SPOILERS) Ageswap Au Guide (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(ACT 5/ A6SE SPOILERS) Grounded (art by @/tealgoat)

(ACT 5/ A6SE SPOILERS) Can We Talk? (art by @/tealgoat and @/startagainaprologue)

(SASASAP SPOILERS) An Ending[?] (art by @/startagainaprologue)

(WRITING)

Candy For You (writing by @/startagainaprologue)

What’s Your Name? (Writing by @/startagainaprologue )

(FANWORKS)

Bonnie (& Mirabelle & Isabeau & Odile & Siffrin!) (art by @/tawnysoup)

Poor Thang (art by @/tawnysoup)

Loop! (art by @/giftplane)

Opposite Ends Of The Shirt Sleeves Alliance (art by @/daily-odile)

Loop & Bonnie Reading Time (art by @/dailyloopdeloop)

Saviors of Vaugarde Doodle (art by @/monochrome-stars)

I Miss My Dad (art by @/eurydice-pens)

Konpeito Cookie Meets Ageswap Au Loop (art by @/metropolitankei )

(A6SE SPOILERS ) Some Mirabelle Doodles (art by @/mobblespsycho100 )

Universe’s Least Qualified Therapy Cat (art by @/iknowicanbutwhy)

A Bunch Of Odiles! (art by @/princess-self-shipping)

Sky Children of The Light Au Loop Meets Ageswap Au Loop (art by @/mossy-doodles85 )

[openphrase123]

i just finished this fic! it's good!

and because it's all done i want to like... be a LITTLE self indulgent and talk under the cut about some miscellaneous things that i ran into while writing it. don't click the readmore if you're interested in the fic and haven't read it yet i'm about to spoil the Whole thing.

also there is an epilogue to this fic now - go read that before this post if you're getting to this before the update!!

so!! i haven't written fanfiction in like FIVE YEARS. it's been a while! part of that is because i was doing original stuff and part of it was i was in a creative slump. so isat kind of dug me out of that and i owe it my thanks. i've been able to do a crazy amount of original work since starting this fic, it's brought back my creative discipline. in like seven years when my video game comes out you can thank isat for that probably

i originally set out thinking this was the only fic for isat i was going to write. and then as i was writing this i fell deeper into it. i kind of got out of isat a little disappointed in how it ended?? but now that i'm here i'm like ah it's fine. just cause i would have done something different in dev's position doesn't mean it's bad. it does mean i can write a bunch of fanfiction exploring things i wish had been tackled more in the game though LOL

i said this in one of the chapter authors notes but i DID start out curtain call hating loop with every fiber of my being. (as in i liked them as a character UNTIL the act 6 reveal which i thought was lame) and then i played through the game a second time knowing the loop twist and went "oh nvm this makes sense" so a lot of the loop stuff in this fic was actually written twice. originally i was just gonna have them soulmerge with siffrin and not be present at all but then i was like. no. i do want to keep this lighthearted and that's too depressing of an end for loop. i do have a loop postcanon doc so i'll go repay them for their slapdashed involvement in curtain call someday

i'm in a weird position with curtain call in that i wrote the themes and major conflicts Directly After playing through isat the first time. before i could really marinate and analyze the characters fully. so there are a lot of scenes and points where i think i wouldn't characterize certain people like that if i were to rewrite this from scratch? however i don't disagree with what i've written either - it's just an interpretation that i don't necessarily think is my favorite anymore.

neither is any of the worldbuilding i did for any of this - it works for curtain call and i think it was nice but i don't necessarily think it's my current interpretation of what the culture and people were like? i like the wishes being permanent thing, i like the language stuff, but i'd probably go in a different direction if i went through this again

i do actually still think "the forgotten island was destroyed by a volcano" is my solid headcanon explanation of what happened to it. in my heart. i think like - with siffrin as a character especially it's very important that he's always missing something, that it's not idyllically happy for them at the end of everything. so even if he can remember more from their own past, it's - you know - there's no way to go back. only forward.

in the vein of this i probably could have killed siffrin/loop's entire childhood family but i did not. mostly because i did think it was fun for him to have to explain all of those cultural taboos they broke to survive. which, of course, was not a big deal - any good parent would rather their kid be alive than lawful - but what is isat other than a vehicle to make siffrin work through every moral compulsion and spiral they experience

i had a thought halfway through writing the fic that i was stepping on the very good and beautiful odile friendquest by making the island real and having a lot of siffrin's personality dictate how it went. but i ultimately decided on keeping siffrin very close to their country, more than odile is to vaugarde, because siffrin actually DID live on the island when he was a kid and that i think is a Different type of "longing for your country" trauma than odile's. i think they can still drink over the feelings together though

writing bonnie is very fun but very emotional for me. the bonnie&siffrin age gap (preteen to late-20s) is the exact age gap between me and my niece so every time i need to sit down and write something for them i think about her and how much she's a little baby growing up. this has nothing to do with bonnie it just makes writing bonnie really hard for me

if the entire history of my ao3 account was not an indicator, i'm a very big fan of writing romance, but i did not want it to take over curtain call at all. i also could have left out sloopis entirely and almost did, but thought "you know. with the way loop functions in this fic. i should at least let that be open ended" cause sharing a body with a version of you who is dating some other guy is gonna get messy no matter what. it's just not necessarily something i had time to or the urge to explore here. think of it as a fun spiritual nod to the fact that isafrin is technically open ended in isat (<- cop out answer)

i think i'm pretty vocal in how much i am absolutely insane for the flashback "happiest i can remember being" conversation. who let them do that. i think a lot of how i worked with mirabelle and siffrin's relationship in this fic kind of revolved around that. important to me that it ends with mira checking in on him and getting the answer she was looking for all along <3

overall i'm happy with curtain call. glad i am done with it though. there's so much that's running in with it at once. i'll probably wait a month and reread the whole thing to myself front to back before i start having fond memories of this. i mean it's always gonna be the fic my nephew was born during and i'll always remember having a panic attack in the airport right after posting chapter 7 but it's gonna be weird letting this one sail off into the ocean of the internet. however feel free to ask anything about the fic, i wrote this in a lil hurry on a bad day and probably didn't cover everything

goodbye, curtain call!! i love you!!!!! i'll miss you!!!!

[looks both ways, waiting for most people to leave]

also. if you've read this far. i hope it's not too gauche of me to link my personal project. if you've read over 100k words of this you might enjoy the game i'm developing? i've been working on it for almost a year but i just started the devlog last month. it's still in early baby stages as far as a full video game goes but if you liked this you'll like the game when it comes out (similar nickname culture, timeloop trauma, petty interpersonal drama, very stupid jokes, natural disaster angst)

also there isn't a lot on the devblog yet, i've mostly been doing programming on it, i JUST started visdev i'm sorry if it's uglyyyyy (FOR NOW)

anyway i'm trusting you with that link. i'm going to use my professional name on that project when it airs don't cross the wires pretty please just pretend that's a butch-y cis woman's game <3 guard the closet door babeyyyyy

[exhuastedpigeon]

Helllllo and welcome to my new Weekly Fic Recs!

This first one is going to be a little long since I’m going to rec my favourite fics that I’ve read so far in November. I’ll likely post a list weekly moving forward (probably Friday or Saturday) and will tag them as ‘Han’s Buddie Recs’ and 'Han's Weekly Fic Recs'

These fics are in order of longest to shortest and are separated into newly read, reread, and wips! Anything in italics is a comment from me.

Newly Read

and here, too, am i by Daisies_and_Briars/@cal-daisies-and-briars Teen || 41.1k Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.

I don’t have much else to say about this fic besides ‘it’s extremely great’

Tick Tick Boom by ChasetheWindTouchtheSky Teen || 30.4k Buck decides he doesn’t need therapy, reverts to some bad habits, and explodes. Or, the Breakdown Fic.

every time we stop talking (the universe starts screaming) by withmeornotatall/@chronicowboy Mature || 21.9k Buck gets reckless, eddie gets angry, they talk in all the wrong ways, and the universe decides to intervene

Divorce 2.0 era. 

All The Work That Needs To Be Done by trysetmeonfire/@try-set-me-on-fireTeen || 14.6k Bobby dies. Eddie worries. Life goes on.

This fic made me cry on multiple occasions, reader beware that it will probably make you cry too. It’s beautiful. 

Sixth time's the charm by CorgiQueen14/@corgiqueen14 Teen || 14.2k The mid-lawsuit time loop fic that you didn't know you needed.

I’m a hoe for a time loop 

you had to kill me (it killed you just the same) by MonsterRae1/@monsterrae1Explicit || 12.4k The Hire to Kill Au. Buck's a hired assassin sent after Eddie, instead, he ends up falling in love.

Got Weird by Daisies_and_Briars/@cal-daisies-and-briars Explicit || 10.5k Shortly after Buck and Natalia break up, Eddie gets tipsy and makes a rather forward move. Then immediately panics (not that Eddie panics, of course) and backpedals. Eddie spirals, Buck is confused. Lots of spontaneous kissing ensues.

The idiots in love tag was invited for this specific fic, I swear. 

I wanna spend my forever like that by wikiangela/@wikiangela General || 8.6k Eddie catches a cold and stubbornly denies he's sick, while a fondly exasperated Buck is trying to take care of him.

Something Dumb to Do by glorious_spoon/@glorious-spoon Explicit || 8.5k Buck and Eddie try something out together.

These men are idiots and it’s perfect and VERY hot. 

i'd swim to your call on my phone by heartbeatdiaz/@loserdiaz Teen || 8.5k Buck's daughter keeps calling 9-1-1 for help with her homework, Eddie is smitten and apparently 9-1-1 works better than Tinder

What's Died Will Never Stay Dead by HMSLusitania/@hmslusitania Teen || 6.5k The immortal firefam AU no one asked for.

Yet another Buddie banger from a ship that sank in 1915. 

swinging for the fences by inbetweenthestacks/@organizedstardust Teen || 6.4k Buck takes Eddie to a baseball game.

This is the first baseball/baseball adjacent fic I’ve read in the Buddie fandom that made my baseball obsessed heart very happy. You don’t have to care about baseball to like it though!The line “Is baseball just…math?” made me actually laugh out loud because.. Yeah baseball kind of is math. 

if you go down in the woods today by oklahoma/@malewifediazTeen || 6.3k “Oh, oh. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you.” Buck grips Bobby’s hands as he goes down to the ground, looking up at Eddie with hot fire in his big blue eyes. “You’re gonna owe me so many blowjobs when I wake up. D’you hear me, Eddie Diaz? You owe me so bad.”

They’re so goofy with each other in this and it feels so true to the characters and show. A delight! 

kiss and make up by 42hrb Explicit || 3.3k Instead of being soft and sweet or adrenaline fueled and filled with love and thanks that they're both alive, their first kiss comes in the middle of a fight in Eddie’s living room.

shameless self promo, but I loved writing this fic so here it is on my own rec list :)

if this love is pain (let's hurt tonight) by HungryHungryHippo/@hippolotamus Teen || 3.2k After Chris leaves for college Buck mysteriously disappears. Five years later he finally returns with some answers.

Honestly... it's perfect

let heart hold true by lecornergirl/@clusterbuck Teen || 2.4k Eddie comes out to christopher. things snowball from there.

nicknames, supernova similes and the family we make by thewolvesof1998/@thewolvesof1998 General || 800 words Bobby and Athena meet Buck and Eddie's new baby girl.

Reread

like a dog with a bird at your door by fleetinghearts/@shitouttabuckExplicit || 51k Evan “i love you like a dog” buckley has only ever known how to love like, well, a dog, but maybe eddie diaz is the kinda guy to give a flea-bitten mongrel a forever home

I wish I was lying when I say I’ve read this fic 4 times since it came out, but I’m not. It’s so damn good. 

Hot Ghost Problems by ebjameston/@ebjameston Teen || 40.9k The ghost would prefer to go by Buck, if Eddie wouldn’t mind.

I can’t find the worlds to tell you how much I love this fucking fic. It’s so good. It might actually be perfect. 

of bake sales and overdue realizations by brewrosemilk/@gayhoediaz Teen || 4.8k Eddie doesn’t notice it until it becomes a thing that happens even when it’s just him and Buck, without Chris anywhere near them - but even then, he doesn’t find it strange, or give it much thought. Buck is the one who starts ending their phone calls with a quick ‘love you’ but it doesn't take long before Eddie does the same, often beating him to it.

WIPs

Maybe More Than I Should by Leslie_Knope Mature || 30k || �� chapters complete Eddie caught sight of the man leaning against the side of his desk and immediately wanted to retreat to the relative safety of the hallway, back in time when he lived happily not knowing that Mr. Buckley was apparently some kind of male model masquerading as a third-grade teacher.

This fic is an absolutely TREAT

[velvetjune]

Night Springs spoilers

For the time breaker ending, I chose the path with Lisa and ended up pissing her off to the point of her leaving and talking to someone with a familiar strong accent. Was that supposed to be Ahti?? Ahti, witness to my unofficial divorce and wife sendoff to the greater multiverse </3

[redactedshapes]

Time is weird within the Oldest House

Spoilers for Alan Wake 2 and slight speculation for Control 2

Alright so. According to Estevez, HQ went dark and while she gives no hint as for how long it's been like that, it's safe to assume it's been four years due to how consistent the each Remedy game has been about the years they take place on.

Besides that, nothing is ever hinted at what's going on with the FBC's headquarters.

We know now time loops and spirals inside the Dark Place and that changes done there can bleed into reality (Jesse being told by a psychiatrist Zane is a filmmaker and not a poet, as she remembered him).

From the AWE DLC we know Jesse briefly witnessed Alan meeting Zane ("The Meeting" from now on), which came full circle in AW2.

From this event it's not unreasonable to assume two things:

1. The Meeting happened back in 2019.

The AWE DLC takes place before the ending of Control's and Foundation's story. This can be seen in the reports Emily writes about the new hiss enemies introduced in each dlc.

For the one introduced in AWE her title is still Research Specialist.

For the one in Foundation, her title is Head of Research. (also she got her Doctorate, you go girl!)

If this is holds up, Alan's timeline in AW2 has been bouncing back and forth way back from 2023.

Or, if you want a headache, even farther back given his role in Tom the Poet which came out before Zane disappeared. This is the poster in the Suomi Hall in Watery.

There's no hint yet if this change/addition of Alan writing a novel that inspired the film has made it past Watery and Bright Falls into the real world or was cleared at the end of the game.

This would also mean Ahti has been on vacations for four years.

2. The Meeting happened in 2023.

At the end of AWE dlc Langston says they're receiving an AWE alert from Cauldron Lake that is set a few years into the future. But is it?

What if it's actually the present, my dear beautiful Langston?

This would be consistent with the lack of any visual indication of the passage of time during the main story. There's none. And then, the Foundation DLC ends, and we see Dylan has grown hair and a beard.

Cute. But you know, Remedy has weaponized easter eggs. So no, I don't think Mr. comatose baldy growing a beard is a cute little detail they spent resources on.

We know by the time The Meeting takes place, Alan has not gotten out of the Dark Place yet, hence the alarm has not been activated (it goes off in the FBC monitoring station as soon as Alan/Scratch is transported back to the shore where Saga meets him for the first time).

If this holds up, then the timeline is more or less like this:

Ahti lets Jesse into the Oldest House in October 29th, 2019.

While Jesse is dealing with the Hiss, Alan unlocks Investigation Sector in the elevator.

Alan Meets Zane .

Jesse gets a glimpse of The Meeting.

Ahti gives Jesse his cassette players, goes on vacation.

Alan/Scratch gets out of the Dark Place (September 13th, 2023).

The AWE alarm sounds - and the signal made it into the Oldest House (September 13th, 2023).

Jesse takes down the Projector and deals with the Nail.

Dylan has grown hair.

Between point 4 and 5 more time could've passed, otherwise those are some short vacations for Ahti, it sounds like he's been in Watery for a while.

Therefore, during Control's main story, time was halted or passed very, very slowly when compared to the world outside.

How come?

With Remedy integrating their own alternate version of Quantum Break they might as well start using some of its harder science fiction approach. Alan has already mentioned the Dark Place as Dark Matter in one of his rambling videos. And well, this seems to have been the plan all along. From the chalkboard in Quantum Break:

There's been no text about black holes or matter density affecting space-time in any game as far as I remember. However, the imagery has been there with the Dark Presence vortex and certain images looking like event horizons.

So this is pure speculation:

The Oldest House is massive, it shifts, it expands and contracts. Could it be dense enough to affect space-time? could it do this on command?

It could be so dense that to those within its walls it'd seem like little to no time has passed, while outside at least four years have gone by.

The entire story is written in present tense in the missions menu, even after a mission has been completed (and the way the collectibles/mission menu was integrated as a world-building element with the Mind Place in Alan Wake 2, I don't think this was meant to be a cute weird little detail even back then).

Something happened during or after the events in the Foundation dlc, something shifted and now time is passing more or less normally. Or at least it is showing its effects on people.

Alice was seemingly cleansed from the effects the Dark Place had over her memory as soon she was brought inside the Oldest House. It's not unreasonable to assume this effect expands to protecting those within (those that are not too far gone, like Hartman). So the Oldest House would deal with time in its own terms, while the Dark Presence could make retroactive changes to certain details in the reality outside of it, like Zane going from poet to filmmaker.

Dylan's hair growth would indicate a month or two have passed at the very least by the end of Foundation. And from the one Control 2 concept art that has been shown so far, there are orange leaves in the pavement.

So Remedy could be planning to lift he lock-down during autumn. Autumn of what year? Heh, that's gonna be a fun one to find out.

-

As a counterpoint one could point at the game cinematic shots of the Oldest House from outside, they're always set at night across the story. It's just a detail that could've easily be a result of resource constraints. Yeah, not that it implies the story could've happened within one night.

Like with the clocks! You can point out at time being weird inside the Oldest House because none of the clocks are working! Time is literally frozen teehee, static textures on 3D assets, except for uh

Darling's Office in Central Research? Is that-

IS IT

IT'S WORKING

WHY DID YOU DO THIS REMEDY?

STOP-

(WE GET IT REMEDY, YOU'VE BEEN PLANNING IT ALL ALONG AND WHEN EVERYTHING IS LAID OUT IN CANON WE'LL FEEL SILLY BECAUSE THE HINTS WHERE THERE, IN OUR FACES, ALL THIS TIME)

-

Or you know, Control 2 will deal with the main cast enduring years of lock-down and the concept art is actually the end or middle of the game, and everyone exits the building on the year Control 2 releases.

Kind of lame in my opinion, but would make sense I guess.

-

Of course, there's another possibility I don't feel like following through:

The Dark Presence succeeded in changing the entire world and only The Oldest House and those inside remained intact. I mean, Dylan's easter egg in Foundation has some images

(that better not be a frozen ocean NO)

(NO, do not tell me this is the Huotari Well omg)

Hiss/Dark Presence became besties

And maybe, count Dylan's cut Hotline call. But that's cut content so strictly speaking, not canon (imagine it gets restored between Alan Wake 2 dlcs and the next Control game haha).

-

There are some things that should be brought full circle about the AWE dlc.

Alan is already aware of the FBC thanks to Estevez and Alice.

The sound fx aspect of the Hiss chant is basically lifted from the Cult of the Tree chanting (or you know, if you want another headache, it could be the other way around). And there are hints of verses from the Hiss incantation said out loud here and there. So pre-existing elements to give shape to a dadaist poem attributed to a hostile extra-dimensional resonance complete!

Has he yet come across the information from the FBC, that Hartman became a Taken?

He also kind of knows about the general plot of Control given he wrote a screenplay for an episode of Night Springs that was never produced.

It became clearer that Alan doesn't write whole new things or realities from scratch (shut up), that he writes from "visions" and vivid "nightmares" he's had. If that screenplay is a vision of the future of the events within the Oldest House, then that could be it.

However we haven't seen him become aware or gain knowledge of Polaris or Jesse herself beyond her extremely brief appearance during The Meeting.

This information has yet to make it outside the Oldest House (as far as we know) and only Dylan and Emily know about Polaris so far. Ahti too, maybe?

Sure, Alan could've somehow glimpsed something through the Oceanview Motel, he's got a door there anyways and he's gone through the Dark Place version of it (the Hotel), but this has not been made explicit like The Meeting.

Maybe The Lake House dlc will clear up that connection.

I mean yeah, that'd be fitting.

Don't forget one of the cut pieces from Control was The Oldest House opening a passage to Ahti's cabin in Finland, so The Oldest House being able to making an opening to Cauldon Lake is in Remedy's toolbox.

(I also think it'd be fair to see more of Jesse since Alan got a whole new 3D model in Control's AWE)

-

I'm missing a lot of things here I'm sure, I put this together more or less from things off the top of my head. I haven't gone through Control in a while so there are probably a more and clearer hints regarding time shenanigans within the Oldest House.

Also, AW2 timeline needs to be put on a wall to make sense of it. It'd look like a spiral, because of course.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Hiya, S! Not sure if you're still taking requests but, I had a little idea-

Steve has been working himself too hard, both physically and mentally for weeks now and Bucky has finally had enough and has to go pry him from the gym and sort of force him to relax.. the method he uses exactly is completely up to you.. fluffy or smutty, It doesn't matter. But Steve is kind of denying it all, I haven't been overworking, I haven't been tired at all yada yada, his whole 'I don't need help' shtick so Bucky has to be a little more assertive.

Luv ya! Stay awesome <3

I am still taking requests for right now! And I've been doing a lot, lot of smut recently so I'll take the opportunity to go in the other direction for this if you don't mind.

And thanks!!

So... this is basically the angsty, then fluffy version of this scene 👇🏻 that I wish we got

Warning for Steve being self-destructive, actively self-harming, and, just, in a downward spiral that Bucky helps coax him out of. This sounds super angsty but it ends with fluff, I promise!

Bucky knows when he wakes up alone, just a scant few hours after the post-mission crash dropped them at home, finally back in their very own bed, that he will be able to find Steve down the Tower's gym. Bucky knows this, feeling it down to his bones. Sometimes, he thinks he knows Steve better than he knows himself, and he isn't sure if he should be prideful of knowing his best guy so well, or, if he should be concerned with his knowledge and memory of himself. Either way, even though he knows Steve is down in the gym--beating the shit out of his knuckles with an unrested, already battered body, beating that body in favorite of lying still and letting his mind run in exhausted circles like a snake looping back on itself to swallow it's own tail--Bucky makes sure to check everywhere else first.

He doesn't feel like riding the elevator all the way to the roof, so he asks JARVIS to assure him Steve isn't up there. JARVIS would've waken Bucky to let him know of Steve's whereabouts if he ended up there, regardless, but it can't hurt to double-check. Next, Bucky lifts his weary body from bed to dip his head into the bathroom. No Steve there. Then, he pads, as light on his feet as a cat, to their dark kitchen. No Steve there, either. Bucky sets his hands on the kitchen counter, looking into their open-plan living room. Steve also isn't there, sheltering on the couch, wrapped in blankets, quivering and pretending he isn't, thinking he can "protect" Bucky from witnessing another nightmare (really hiding away from Bucky because he, sometimes, somehow, still gets embarrassed even though Bucky has seen him in every state and never finds him lacking). No Steve anywhere in the apartment.

So, the gym it is.

Without stopping to dress himself any further or do anything at all, Bucky walks out of their apartment on their floor of the Tower into the elevator. He doesn't need to softly request the gym floor. JARVIS already knows. He always does.

"Thanks, J," Bucky murmurs tiredly, standing idle as the doors shut in front of him.

In no time whatsoever, Bucky can hear Steve--thank you Nazi fucks, you absolute monsters, for the super hearing--before he's even left the elevator. It's still descending. Barefoot and in nothing more than a pair of boxer briefs, Bucky leans his forehead against the mirrored wall of the lift, sighing to himself at its cool touch. He prepares himself, tapping his metal fingers against the glass, thinking.

Planning.

What, oh, what am I gonna do with you, Stevie?

He's not upset with Steve. Not really. He's upset with the part of Steve that can't stop. The part that insists he grit his teeth and bare the world's pain and injustice and suffer it all himself as if he has no choice but to do it alone. There's more to Steve than that part, but also, if he didn't have that part of himself, he wouldn't be himself, would he? And so... it's a twisted game. The lynx and rabbit. Chasing.

Forever and ever.

Bucky doesn't know if he's the rabbit or the lynx. He doesn't know if he's either at all. He may be the hunter observing from the outside, not yet sure if he wants to intervene, and certainly not sure who he's going to point his shotgun at. Maybe neither. It hurts to see nature run her cruel course. But what is the alternative? Disrupt? Distract? Should he shout and scare both creatures, leaving them to scurry off with racing hearts? What can he do? What should he do?

The sound of thin flesh and ill-protected bone--just knuckles--against firm, unforgiving leather--a heavy boxing bag--rings in his ears. Ding! A new sound enters his mind. He's here.

Bucky takes one last fortifying breath, not because he's exhausted, not because he doesn't want to deal with Steve, and not for any reason but the scene he knows he's about to walk in on--his best friend, his lover, his everything hurting himself.

Beating himself up. Literally.

Still, Bucky goes.

The pain of seeing it can not be worse than the pain of knowing it's happening and doing nothing to intervene. This is not how it has to be. This is not the natural order. Cruel and sacrificial. Bucky will do something to stop it.

And that something is interrupting Steve in the middle of a particularly brutal assault--on himself and the bag hanging from the ceiling. There's a pile of them waiting to be hung, a grim fate; there's a pile of already strangled bags punched across the gym, spreading deserts of sand between Steve and his own worst thoughts, represented by those bags he brutalized. Steve is slick with sweat like an oil spill, and the smell of grief is coming off of him in feet-sweeping waves. His bangs hang over his forehead, sticking to his skin, gritty and darkened by moisture.

And, God, beneath that bent halo of hair, despite the healthy pink flush covering his face from sweat-beaded hairline to the hem of his shirt, he looks... there is no kind way to say it, Bucky must just say it: Steve looks gaunt. His cheeks are sunken, as are his eyes. With all the sweat coating his weary skin, soaking into his clothes that shroud him, it's no wonder why. He's dehydrated as fuck. Running himself ragged from beyond the blood soaked into his boxing wraps.

And those wraps, Jesus, they're sloppy. Careless. Obviously hurried and barely to be bothered with. They might've started tighter, but Bucky knows at no point were they neat and proper. Steve wouldn't've had the patience. It's a miracle, really, that he's got any on at all. Bucky's seen him go at it bare knuckle until he's ground down to his bones.

Loudly, Bucky clears his throat. But he doesn't make a noise until he's circled Steve so he's in his line of sight. Standing in front of him but just out of the possible path of another exploding punching bag. He doesn't want to stand in his blindspot at a time like this.

The sound of another person joining him jerks Steve into awareness rather than boiling rage and a million other nameless emotions. He comes up from the tempest that was fueling his flurry of devasting, full-weight-and-strength punches that may be enough to wrench his own arms out from their sockets. He freezes so suddenly, caught red-handed, metaphorically and literally, that it looks painful. Such explosive motion to none whatsoever. His chest won't even heave.

He is a grievous statue.

And, his audience, Bucky chooses to say nothing about what he's been caught doing. He won't demand that Steve stop. He won't try to sweet talk him and coax him out of it and back to bed. He won't plead with Steve to stop, hanging off of his shaking, lactic-acid-burning arms. None of those will work when he's so fucking worked up. Bucky can sense it even while he holds himself so perfectly still. He is not moving but he is still vibrating--trembling without trembling, poised to come crashing down sooner or later. The best Bucky knows, is to let him do this, and then be here to catch him.

So, the words that come are sleep-rusty and short, jerking his head to the pile of supplies next to Steve--he's going to wrap his own hands and Steve better re-wrap his while he does.

His bloody knuckles won't stop bleeding if they're going to go toe to toe, and it's not like his dirty bandages are going to do much, it'd take a hell of a lot more than that to penetrate the serum's defenced and give him an infection, but that isn't the point. The point is to hammer home that Steve's body needs to be protected. Still. Even like this. Big, broad, and strong. Especially like this. So fucking tense that he can only relinquish himself to brutal strength or no movement whatsoever. There is no in between. If he tries, he'll break. There can be no weakness.

Bucky will give him the space to find his weakness and then will welcome it with open arms.

So, they box. Knuckles to knuckles. Punch after punch is thrown. Each hit from Steve gets stronger until he's back to nearly damaging himself with the brutality of his own strength, his spirit more than his flesh and blood can take--the way it always has been.

At some point, sinking back into the raging sea of his mind, dropping out of reality itself, Steve's upper lip curls into an ugly snarl and he throws in a kick. Bucky dodges and fakes him out to lure him from the hardwood flooring of the gym where he was wailing on heavyweight bags to the squishy mats in the corner meant for partner sparring.

Once there, he can work through tiring Steve out. Grappling. Kicking. Sweeping his feet out from under him. Taking him to the floor. Pinning him. Punching him. Letting him squirm out of a headlock just to throw him back down. Twisting. Punching. Using everything he's got.

Knuckles to knuckles well past the point of Steve's blood soaking his fresh wraps. Steve's scarlet blood seeps into the white of his own wraps bit also Bucky's. Painting them both with his pain. Bucky will gladly shoulder some of it for him. Always. Forever.

Punch. Kick. Punch. Punch. Kick. Knock down. Grapple. Get up. Punch. Punch. Kick. Punch. Punch. Kick. Knock down. Grapple. Get up. Punch.Punch.KickPunchPunchKickKnockdowngrapplegetuppunchpunchkickpunchpunchkickgrapplepunchpunchkickpunchpunchkickgrapplepunch--

On and on, Steve goes like a wind up toy.

All action until he can't be anymore. It's sudden. And it's right fucking then when he has no more energy, no more effort left inside him, that he withers and wilts. No matter, Bucky can see it coming a mile away from how his combos get sloppy, slower and less offensive, more drawn in and defensive, to how his breathing stutters, going from disciplined and practiced to something of sobs barely reined in with a lash ditch bit of effort to hide how hard he's about to crash. He can't stay on edge forever, though. And when he crashes and burns, Bucky swoops in, not to bunny punch him, popping him with a flurry of hits, but to catch him before he can fall flat on his face.

Bucky won't even let his knees touch the ground, gathering him up with ease. Bucky is so fucking grateful for the few couple of hours he has on Steve, keeping him from being just as exhausted and muddy-headed.

Still, not just because he can think but because he knows this dance so well, it's awful. Awfully hard and heart-wrenching, the way Steve curls into him after collapsing to the floor without a sound of warning. No pleading for mercy. No bloody scream of never being able to do it all--to save them all. Nothing. Just a tight little ball of agony willing to go to the grave suffering before he admits he's struggling. A martyr like no other.

In his hold, Steve clenches his body so tight just the same way he had when he was first caught. Now, he's caught in a different way--caught between trying to fight back the shakes and wanting to shake so violently that he becomes nothing but dust. He's so fucking close to breaking entirely. Barely out of reach of giving way to body-wracking sobs, gasping for breath, tears pouring down his face, snot leaking from his body, and choking on guilt he doesn't deserve to harbor.

Oh, Steve.

Slowly, carefully, Bucky lowers his precious cargo of Steve to the floor, sinking them both into the squishy mats where he can wrap Steve up in his arms more fully and hold him together while he cries it out. Frustration. Rage. Sadness. Depression. Confusion as to why him. Why this? Liability. Bloodstained guilt. Every negative emotion, simple to overpowering and all of it bleeding out of him until he's limp and impossibly more dehydrated than he already was.

He is a husk, empty and thin, and Bucky still loves him. Overwhelmingly so, he loves him. He loves him bad.

Bucky pats and rubs and soothes his hand over his back, the other arm still slung tightly around him to keep him held, until his muscles actually start to get sore. Bucky doesn't care, it's a small thing to weather. There is worse. There will be worse. He will be there for him then, too.

He's stopped counting Steve's heaving, stuttering breaths, but after a handful more, he aches to yawn. He won't. Instead, he swallows the involuntary, nonverbal language of his body down, taking it deep into his chest and tucking it away for later. He'll never be too tired to take care of Steve.

Steve.

Steve with his head is in his lap, his face pressed tightly up against his stomach. He's out of tears. Bled dry. His lungs don't even have it in them to suck in huge, unsteady breaths. His whiffling breaths feel like they're painting Bucky's skin with condensation, humid and heavy with emotion.

"Ready for bed?" Bucky whispers when Steve's hands go limp around his waist, so drained not only can he not cry, not hyperventilate, but he also can't cling on. He combs a hand through his matted, sweat-soaked hair. They both smell like shit; they look like shit, too.

Steve tries to answer him, but his voice is shot to shit from all the crying, and all that will some out is a creaky little rasp that doesn't sound like anything. So, he nods, the motion tiny and admitting of how exhaustion tugs at his bones. There is no fight left in him.

"Okay, then, honey bee, let's get you to bed," Bucky murmurs, not thinking about anything but getting Steve home. He doesn't let the ache in his muscles mean anything as he lifts him up bridal style and starts determinedly toward the elevator. He's careful with him. He's still made of muscle and bone, but Bucky knows he's eggshell fragile beneath thick, unblemished skin. He's an illusion and everyone else is fooled, but Bucky refuses to be. "Bet you're tired, huh? Long day." Bucky is saying it to say it. He's talking. He knows Steve finds comfort in his voice. Sometimes, that's the only thing he can do for Steve, not chase him around and tire him out, but talk to him until he comes down.

So, really, he's not expecting Steve to nod again, but, Lord in heaven above, he does.

Small victories in a war, or, really, a miracle.

Bucky smiles as they step into the elevator, "yeah, baby, I know, I know. You gotta be tired. Anyone would be. I don't really know how you were still on your feet, dollface. You were running on fumes. You deserve a good, long sleep with sweet dreams, Stevie."

"Yeah?" Steve's voice is rust and nails, painful to hear but risking talking because he has to. He sounds so urgently in need of reassurance that Bucky can't take it.

"'Course, honey," he warms, squeezing him tighter in his arms, "and if the dreams don't come, I'll sing to you until they do, 'kay? Like I used to."

"M'kay," Steve says, somewhere between miserably and totally relieved, wrapped around him with both fists curled over his shoulders and that blonde head buried in his chest.

Bucky will hold him; Bucky will sing to him; Bucky will be his--Steve Rogers, not Captain America's--shield.

[yeonzzzn]

🏹 not your boyfriend, not your girlfriend: soobin x fem!reader | college au!, friends to lovers | warnings: some smut ♡

you ain’t my boyfriend and I ain’t your girlfriend but you don’t want me to see nobody else and I don’t want you to see nobody…

[4.0k words] ☆ [pls do not repost]

He’s not your boyfriend. You’re not his girlfriend. But the thought of someone else touching you angers him. The thought of another female even looking at him throws you into a spiral. 

Yet there’s nothing either of you can do about it. You two aren’t together after all. 

You lean against the wall twirling the red solo cup in your hand, glancing around the room at the sea of drunk college kids. Watching as they play party games and sing so off-key to the music blasting out of the speakers. 

You take a sip from your drink, debating whether or not to leave right after this cup was empty. Parties weren’t really your thing after all. You only come with your best friend, who ended up ditching you the moment you walked in the door. 

You finished the drink, turning to leave when someone bumps into you. 

“There you were babe!” he wraps his arm around your shoulders, planting a kiss on your forehead, “been looking everywhere for you.” 

You sign, knowing now that you’re trapped. 

“Come on, babe don’t look so disappointed to see me.” 

“I was fixing to leave, Soobin.” you scoffed, finally breaking free from his arms. 

His dimple smile melts your heart, sending tingles down your spine, “I noticed you seemed like you wanted to leave,” he said looking down at your empty cup, “but the guy standing by the window was giving you a look and decided to step in to protect you.” 

You raised your brow at him, “Protect me? Soobin?”

He nodded, “Of course. Mans looks like a whole dick and a half.” 

You chuckle, dropping your head into your palm, “Probably because he HAS a dick, Choi Soobin.” 

Soobin tucks his bottom lip between his teeth. He wants to shout at you his feelings so you could finally understand why he’s so protective over you. 

Soobin grabs your empty cup and sets it against the counter then places his hands on your shoulders, softly pressing you against the wall. 

You look up at him, seeing the want in his eyes. Your whole body heats up. 

“Just spend some extra time with me, ya? Before you decide to head out?” He whispered. 

How quickly you nodded your head in agreement should scare you, you didn’t want him to know how badly you wanted him. He’s not your boyfriend, after all. 

Soobin smirks, sliding his hands down to your hands. Pulling you away from the wall and leading you up the stairs in this dance you’ve both done many times before. 

It started out like this. 

Two lonely people at a party were ditched by their friends and had nothing else better to do than each other. 

You knew who he was. He sat two rows behind you in class. He was quiet, and only spoke to his friends he had in class. Was five minutes early every day and for the most part kept to himself unless spoken to by the professor or another classmate. 

It surprised you when he first walked into the party. Barely even recognized him. He went from this innocent boy who hid his face with his hair, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie to class, into this sexy man in tight light blue skinny jeans with holes in them, Nike air forces, and a long sleeve black shirt with his hair parted. 

If you didn’t know him from before, you would assume he was one of the popular party boys all the girls drool over. 

And damn, he was catching looks from the girls at the party. 

Your best friend looped her arm with yours, “Earth to Y/N!! Did you hear me?”

You snapped your eyes away from Choi Soobin, giving your best friend your full attention, “I’m sorry I was daydreaming, what did you say?” 

She side-eyes the area you were just staring at, “were you looking at Soobin?” 

You blink at her, “You know him? And calling him by his first name?” 

She smiles brightly, “Yep! we have chem lab together and I’m SOOOO into one of his friends.”

You nodded at her, “I should’ve known,” You looked back over in Soobin’s direction, noticing his dog pack behind him, “which one are you here for?” you asked her. 

She giggles and squeezes your arm tighter, “Taehyun! We met at the campus coffee shop and totally hit it off right away!” 

You nodded again, “I’m sure you did.” 

“We did! And he told me about this party tonight.” 

“Is that why you canceled our stay indoors and watch horror movies best friend date and dragged me to this party instead? To hook up with Kang Taehyun?” you raised a brow at her. 

“When you put it that way you make me seem like a bad guy,” she pouted at you, “plus he told me his friends would be coming with him, sooooo I figured you could ya know.” she nudged your arm. 

You scoff at her, “Nope! absolutely not. I’m going home!” 

“Y/N! Please, you need to get out there!”

Before you could protest, Soobin and his four friends were right beside you guys. 

“Wow you made it Hanna,” Taehyun says basically stealing my best friend from me, “who’s this?” he asked giving me a small smile. 

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you.” 

Taehyung nodded, “Nice to put a face to the name. Hanna talks about you all the time.” 

You glance over at her. She gives you her normal apologetic smile. 

“Anyways how rude, these are my best friends, Choi Yeonjun, Huening kai, Choi Beomgyu and that’s—“

“Choi Soobin.” you said, giving all five of them a small smile. 

The boys all looked at Soobin, waiting for an explanation.

“W-we have a class together.” Soobin says, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

After that awkward conversation, you slowly walked away to grab yourself a drink, because god knows you need it now. 

“Grab me a drink too please!” Hanna calls after you.

When you returned to the same spot the six of them were, only Soobin remained. 

You shook your head, “where did they go?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, “Your guess is as good as mine.” He folded his arms against his chest and leaned against the wall. 

You stood beside him, “well you can have this I guess.” you said, handing him the cup. 

“I didn’t picture you as a partygoer, Y/N.” Soobin softly smiles while taking a sip of the drink. 

“You neither, you completely look different than you do in class.” 

He chuckles, “Yeah I don’t really try for college. No need to impress anyone. Go in, get your education, get out, and go back home.” 

“Then why are you here tonight?” you asked. 

He glances at you, “Everyone else was coming, and Yeonjun Hyung basically pulled me by my ear out of the dorm.” 

You nodded with a sigh, “Hanna basically did the same to me.” 

“Guess we’re in this together then.” Soobin held out his cup towards you in a way of cheers. 

You mimicked the action, then you both chugged down the drinks. 

You don’t remember much of the conversations after that. Just that you both continued to drink and drink. 

“Okay okay, truth time.” Soobin drunkenly giggles. 

“What is this? Truth or dare? Are we five?” you giggle back at him. 

“Never too old for it,” he defends, “anyways truth.”

“Okay, I’m listening.” You smile, taking another sip of your drink.

Soobin tucks his lip between his teeth, glancing across the room, “Have you met Yeonjun hyung before?” 

Your smile drops, “Choi Yeonjun? I mean we have a couple of other classes together and I pass him in the halls sometimes,” you look in the same direction as Soobin, noticing Yeonjun is looking back, “why? Is something wrong?” 

Soobin sighs and looks back at you, “I am very observant and noticed the moment we walked in and he looked at you that…well.” 

You look into Soobin’s eyes, “are you implying he’s interested in me?” 

Soobin shrugged, “he could be. Either that or like I asked if the two of you knew each other beforehand. But he’s been looking at you the entire night.”

You laughed, “Soobin, you’re acting jealous right now.” 

He rolls his eyes, “I barely know you, how could I be jealous?” he shakes his head chuckling, “I just know hyung, and wanted to just give ya a heads up is all.” 

You tilted your head, “That’s really sweet, but you’re not my boyfriend so you don’t need to look after me like that.” 

Soobin rolled his eyes again, “noted.” 

“How about you then? Hmm?” 

He takes a sip, “What about me?” 

“With how you walked in here you must have girls begging for your attention. Do you dress like this outside of school too?” 

He nodded, “I do. That doesn’t mean girls are making passes at me.” 

You glanced around the room and noticed at least two girls blushing over him. 

“There are two girls right over there who would love your attention right now.” 

Soobin looks in the direction you pointed at, then shook his head, then looked back at you, “Not interested.”

“What? Are you nervous or something?” you teased him.

He gives you a confused look, “what would I have to be nervous about?”

“I dunno, maybe you’ve never hooked up with a girl at a party before.” you continued to tease him. 

Soobin raised his brow at you, “You’re making these assumptions as if you know me personally.” 

“Well truth time then, have you ever hooked up with someone before?” 

Soobin’s face turned a shade of pink, looking away from you he answered, “I have.” 

You slapped your hands on your cheeks, “Omg really!? the shy Choi Soobin from class actually pulled girls!?”

He glances at you, “Of course I have. you act like sex is such an uncommon thing for shy people like me.” He finished his cup and tossed it onto the counter, then made direct eye contact with you, “do you not believe me?” 

You shook your head, “Nope.” 

Soobin smirked, chewing on his bottom lips.

You could see the gears in his head turning, “what are you thinking about?” 

“I could prove it to you.” 

You weren’t expecting his response. Your whole body started to tingle, “prove it to me?” you nervously giggled, looking away from him. 

You weren’t expecting the next turn of events to happen either, Soobin had you against the wall, one hand above your head, the other was on your hip, and his body was pressed against yours. 

“I didn’t stutter.” he whispered, connecting his forehead against yours. 

You stared up at him, “where did this confidence come from?” you whispered back. 

“Always been here, I just don’t show it.” 

You could feel the heat radiating from his body. Your knees started to feel weak and your hands trembled at your sides. 

Soobin pressed himself even closer to you, his arm completely wrapping around behind your back, “I’ve honestly been wanting to hook up with you since the moment I met you in class.” 

You bit your lip, his confession turned you on more than you wanted to attempt to yourself. It was so hot seeing this once-shy boy you normally see in class act this sexy. Was it the alcohol? or is he really this confident? Either way, it was killing you.  

“Are you going to kiss me or continue to just look at me?” you asked, testing your own confidence. 

His lips connected with yours, the taste of cherry and alcohol filled your senses from his chapstick and the drink he just finished. You had a better smell of his cologne and oh man it was sending you into a frenzy. 

You were melting against his touch with the way his hands were on your body. His tongue sent chills down your spine every time it brushed against your own. 

You didn’t care that you two were making out in the middle of the kitchen at some random party with many people around. 

All you cared about was him. 

He led you up the stairs and into an empty room, quickly closing and locking the door behind him. 

His hands and lips were back on you in an instant as if those short couple minutes were too long. 

He pulled his shirt over his head, his body leaving you even more breathless. 

You tossed your tank top over your head and somewhere in the room. 

His body was back against yours, the skin-to-skin contact made your head spin. 

Soobin played with the button of your jeans, silently asking for permission. 

You let him, your hands going to the button of his jeans immediately after. 

It’s been so long since you’ve been naked in front of someone and you figured the first time having sex again would make you nervous and hide like a child, but it was different with Soobin. He brought out this confidence in you that you never knew you had. The rest of your clothes came off quickly, and the same did his. 

You could have sworn Soobin’s body was crafted by the gods. He’s so beautiful. 

His hands cupped your breasts, his thumbs slowly gliding over your nipples. You moaned against his mouth. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling you to straddle him. 

Soobin looked you up and down, “You’re so beautiful, every inch of you.” his hands squeezed your hips. 

Your fingers played in his hair, “is this something you want?” you asked. 

Soobin tucks his lip between his teeth, slowly nodding, positioning his member for you, “I will literally lose it if you don’t slide down onto me right now.” he whispered. 

Sex with Soobin was pure bliss. You felt that bliss with every inch of your body as you rode him. His lips and hands never left your body and your hands never left his hair until you both finished. 

You two returned to the party like nothing ever happened. The two girls who were drooling over Soobin earlier seemed to only be even more interested in him now that sex was literally written all over his face. 

You scoff, “Those two still want you.” 

Soobin wrapped his arm around your waist, “Hmm jealous are we?” 

You chuckled, “Of course not. You’re not my boyfriend.”

Soobin laughed with you, “And you’re not my girlfriend.” 

It’s been almost a year since then. 

You and Soobin have had sex multiple times since then, and he still made you lose your breath every single time. 

The two of you grew to even become friends in a way. Or even best friends some would say. The two of you started hanging out outside of the classroom and at parties. He got to know you so well and the same with you towards him. He became someone you didn’t want to have a life without. 

But the feelings you started to build up for him over that year were growing too strong for you to contain. 

Little did you know the feeling was mutual for Soobin. 

He hated it when he knew you were going to parties or anywhere alone. He hated the thought of another man putting his hands on you. The thought of another man kissing you, touching you, making you feel the way only he wants you to feel. And the thought of you dating another man…

Soobin understood how your relationship was: two classmates that had sex and turned into friends who have sex. That’s all it was supposed to be until the night he realized he had feelings and realized he hated any man that looked in your direction. 

You also secretly felt that way about any woman who looked at Soobin. 

The two of you had this secret unspoken thing that you both didn’t want the other to see anyone else. You both just didn’t know it. 

Soobin was running late and was never late. It wasn’t him to be late. 

Tonight’s party was being held on campus for the school winning some kinda sports event. Soobin walked into the courtyard, immediately being met by Huening Kai and Beomgyu. 

“you’re late!” Kai said looking at his watch. 

“Yeah yeah I know,” Soobin sighed, “where are Taehyun and Yeonjun?” 

“Taehyun is with Hanna…” Beomgyu shrugged. 

“Should have known, and Yeonjun?” Soobin asked. 

Kai and Beomgyu went quiet. 

Soobin looked between the both of them, confusion showing on his face. 

“Where is Yeonjun?” Soobin asked again. 

“He’s well…he’s with someone.” Kai said, trying to smile. 

“Okay…?” Soobin raised a brow.

“He’s with—“ Beomgyu started, but Kai quickly covered his mouth. 

“He’s not with anyone! hahaha.” Kai nervously laughed. 

Soobin continued to look between his juniors, still confused about what was even going on between the two of them. 

Until it clicked in his head. 

Soobin quickly moved past them, “where is he?” 

“Soobin Hyung, wait!” They called out for him. 

Soobin knew Yeonjun secretly had a thing for you, it was written all over his face from the beginning. 

Soobin made his way inside the campus and asked people left and right if they’d seen both of you, none knew until someone pointed him in the direction of the gymnasium where they were handing out food, punch, and alcohol. 

He found the both of you standing on the far side of the gym. Yeonjun was standing too close to you for his liking. 

Soobin quickly walked up, wrapping his arm around Yeonjun, “There you guys are! I was looking for you!” 

“You’re late!” You said checking the time on your phone, “Yeonjun and I almost started drinking without you. Where’s everyone else?” 

Soobin shrugged his shoulders, “Huening Kai and Beomgyu were in the courtyard. Apparently Taehyun—“

“Is with Hanna, of course.” you sigh, “I’m happy for them so I’ll let it slide.” You started to walk away, “I’m going to the courtyard and I’ll call Hanna to meet us there.” 

Soobin nodded, “grab me a drink on the way out okay?” he asked you.  

You gave him a thumbs up, walking away. You could tell something was bothering Soobin but didn’t want to press the conversation in front of Yeonjun. 

Once you were out of the gym, Soobin let go of Yeonjun facing him. 

“What is that look for?” Yeonjun asked. 

“It’s nothing. Ready to meet with the others?” Soobin asked, starting to walk away. 

“Hey, is Y/N talking to anyone by chance?” Yeonjun asked. 

Soobin stops walking, “Uhh not that I know of…why?” 

“Because I’m interested in her. She’s your best friend besides me of course, and I think she’s funny and I want to get to know her a little more than I already do.” 

Soobin looked at his hyung, trying everything in him to not shout at him to leave you alone. But he knows he can’t. He’s not your boyfriend. 

“Soobin say something,” Yeonjun said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I uhh…I can ask if she’s talking to someone.” 

“That’s now why I meant.” Yeonjun tried to make eye contact with Soobin, wanting him to tell the truth. 

“What do you mean then?” 

Yeonjun sighs, “What I’m trying to say is, if you’re not going to make a pass at her, I’m going to.” 

Soobin’s heart dropped, and his body filled up with heat, it took everything in him to say what he did next, “I’m not her boyfriend, do whatever you want.” 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “I can’t man!” Soobin looked at his hyung confused, “You’re having sex with her and it’s so obvious that the two of you are pining for each other and just won’t say anything. I’m tired of hearing the “She’s not my girlfriend, I’m not her boyfriend” bullshit. I would feel terrible if I went after Y/N, knowing you damn well want her for yourself.” 

Soobin looked away, “We made it clear to each other the first time we hooked up that we weren’t together, it was all about the sex and that’s it.”

“Yeah, and it’s been a year since then man,” Yeonjun walked closer to Soobin, putting his hands on his friends’ shoulders, “I can see it in the way you look at her dude, it’s not just about the sex anymore and with the way you dart across the room when another man looks at her? or how when she notices any other girl looks at you? have you not noticed how jealous she gets? how will she stand closer to you?” 

Soobin shook his head, “She doesn’t want me in that way.” 

Yeonjun nodded, “I still think you need to tell her, and I’m giving you until tomorrow night to say something, or else I’ll try and make a pass to her.” 

Yeonjun patted his back and then finally walked away. 

Soobin knew he was right, it’s time to say something. 

You stood outside their dorm building, the summer breeze felt warm against your skin. 

You checked the time on your phone, Soobin said to meet him here before returning back to the party but he’s once again running late. This isn’t like him. 

You finally catch Soobin walking over towards you but with another girl hooked up on his arm. 

Jealousy filled you. You looked away, shoving your hands into your jeans pockets, trying to shove down the feeling. “he’s not your boyfriend…Y/N…” You repeated the words in your head over and over again. You don’t have a right to be jealous. You’re not his girlfriend. 

“Soobinnie!” oh god you wanted to throw up, “my dorm is across the street there!” 

You glanced over at them, this girl was drunk and clearly trying to get Soobin in her bed. 

Soobin looked at you, and you quickly looked away. 

“Can you make it back there on your own?” He asked. 

You rolled your eyes. You knew how good Soobin was in bed, it shouldn’t surprise you he probably has been in other beds besides yours. 

“I may need some help…” you wanted to barf. 

“Hey,” you shouted, “you clearly aren’t drunk enough to try and get him in your room so you can obviously walk up there alone, okay?” 

Soobin’s eyes widen, he’s never seen you act like that before. 

“Is that your girlfriend or something?” the girl asked, “I knew you were too gorgeous to be single.” 

“He’s single all right,” you mumbled to yourself. 

Soobin sighed, “I can’t go any further with you, I apologize.” 

The girl scoffs but eventually walks away. 

“What was with that attitude?” Soobin asked, giving you a sassy look. 

“She clearly was trying way too hard.” you softly snap, “it was way too obvious.” 

“Are you jealous?” Soobin teased, standing in front of you. 

You rolled your eyes, “no reason to be jealous, you’re not my—“

“Boyfriend, I know,” he said. You looked up at him and noticed the hurt in your eyes, “but maybe I should be.” 

“Wait, what?” you asked. 

Soobin looked away, “I want to be your boyfriend, Y/N. It’s not just about the sex anymore, I want all of you. My heart can’t take it anymore. If I see one more man try to make a pass at you, I’m going to lose it.” 

“Soobin…” you softly said his name. 

“God, I love the way you say my name…but I already know your response to this, that our relationship is strictly sex. We made that agreement a year ago and—“

“Soobin shut up and kiss me right now.” 

He looks deeply into your eyes and all you can see is the spark that lights up his entire being. 

His hands are on the sides of your face in an instant and his lips connected to yours. 

You’ve kissed him millions of times, but never like this. The last kisses have always been filled with lust, want, desire, temptation, and need. But this one was filled with…well, love. 

It was filled with so much love. 

“I’m in love with you, Soobin.” you whispered in between kisses, “and if one more damn woman looks at you with the desire that I have for you, I’ll commit murder.” 

He giggles against your lips, “You’re so cute when you’re jealous.” 

“As your girlfriend, I have a right to be.” 

“And as your boyfriend, I’ll allow you to be.”

You smiled against his lips, “I love you.” 

“I’ve loved you since the moment you let me lead you up those stairs, my heart has been yours since the beginning.”

[thescarletnargacuga]

Art: @iamespecter

CHAPTER TWO

Racing AU

After the excitement of the track wears off, Pomni's situation sinks in. She's trapped. The others try to make her feel welcome and introduce her to Kaufmo. What could go wrong?

WARNING: angst, abstraction, some violence

Ch1

The racers all filed into the garage as the NPC audience cheered their last. Caine joined them inside and snapped his fingers. All their karts teleported inside to their respective part of the open floor plan garage. There was a spiraling metal stair case to a second floor loft that lined the outer wall. Every upstairs door lead out to overlook the garage. To the far right was a lounge with comfortable looking couches and chairs and recreational activities; such as pool and table tennis.

Pomni wiped the last of the confetti off her shoulder as she looked around. "Is this...all there is?"

"Of course not!" Caine chimed in before anyone else could answer. "In between races you have full use of the practice track! Take a look!" He opened the blinds and the outside looked different. The start line was the same but the stands where empty. The track no longer led underground but instead continued to curve around the garage and looped back to the start in a perfect oval. "And inside, you can play mini games with your new friends!" Pomni stared at the others with uncertainty. "Also!" Caine pulled Pomni by the hand to an empty kart area of the garage. "You can customize your kart! Everything from the engine and tires to the body and paint! The only limit is your imagination!"

"And the game's source engine." Jax added. "I've already tested that. He won't let you add more that five accessories to the kart or you end up clipping into the void."

"The...void?" Pomni paled.

"Now, Jax. We needn't bring THAT up. It's nothing to concern yourself with, my dear. There are many safety features in place to prevent that from happening. I can assure you, as host, I've never lost anyone in the void. I know all your positions at all times thanks to my wacky watch!" Caine proudly showed the small purple TV on his wrist. Six blips appeared on screen.

Caine tapped his watch. "Huh...Welp, I gotta get going! The tracks don't generate themselves! I've got to prepare for tomorrow's race! Speak to one of our Bubble assistants if you have any more questions!" Then with a pop, he was gone.

Pomni took a step back and rubbed her arms as she looked at everyone still staring at her. "Look, uh... The race was fun, but...how do I...leave?"

The others looked down or away from her. None of them wanting to be the one to tell her.

Jax groaned incredulously. "You can't. None of us can."

"Jax!" Ragatha scolded. "Why do have to be so tactless!?"

"Because there is no tact when it comes to telling someone they're stuck in digital purgatory for all of eternity, Ragatha!" He got nose to nose with her and they glared at each other.

"Please, don't fight." Gangle whimpered.

"Seriously. Will you two get a grip?" Zooble rolled their eyes and looked at Pomni. "He's right though. Welcome to your new home." Zooble then went to the pinball machine in the lounge.

"What? Why can't we leave? I don't understand. Isn't this just a game?" Pomni felt he face again for the headset she barely remembered she had on before appearing here.

"It was supposed to be just a game..." A quiet voice came from the lounge. Kinger had turned the couch cushions and pillows into a fort and was securely inside it. "People were never meant to be stuck here. Something went wrong."

Pomni got closer to the fort. "What went wrong?"

Kinger popped his head out. "What went where?"

"You'll have to excuse him." Ragatha sighed. "He's been here the longest."

"That's why he's crazy!" Laughed Jax. "That's all our fates, Pomni. Giving into the madness or being broken by it."

Ragatha grabbed a pillow and chucked it at Jax. "Go be a nuisance somewhere else!"

"My impenetrable fortress!" Cried Kinger as the missing pillow left a hole in his carefully made fort.

"Fine. I've got better things to do anyway. Like eat. Hey, Bubble chef!" Jax walked off to a table set for dining and a Bubble appeared to assist him.

Gangle got the pillow Ragatha threw and fixed Kinger's fort.

"Thank you." Kinger sighed with relief and disappeared inside.

Ragatha put a gentle hand on Pomni's shoulder. "Look...being here isn't so bad. Caine keeps us busy and we have each other." She glared at Jax. "For better or worse. There's one person you haven't met yet, he wasn't at the race today. Would you like to come with me to check on him?"

Pomni had been out of it as she really processed her situation. No way to leave. Stuck in digital purgatory. Forever. She could never go back to the life she had. Everything and everyone she had known didn't matter anymore. She vomited.

Ragatha jumped back to keep from stepping in it, but kept her hand on Pomni. She gently steered Pomni to the stairs. "Come on, Kaufmo will cheer you up. He's very good at it. Clean up!" She called out and a Bubble appeared.

"I'm on it!" The Bubble proceeded to lick up the mess. Gangle was nearly sick herself witnessing it.

Ragatha and Pomni went upstairs and walked along the long loft towards Kaufmo's room.

"Ragatha...I'm confused. Why participate in the races at all? Why not search for a way out? Are we really sure we can't leave?" Pomni said quietly.

"You aren't the first person to search for the exit, many have tried. None have succeeded." They walked past door after door. Many blank but a few had faces. Unknown faces with red Xs painted over them. "We all looked for a way out at some point or another, but we've come to accept our place here because ...well, constantly pursuing an unobtainable goal will drive you to mind breaking insanity. And when you've reached that point...there's no return."

"[@#$& !¥π∆]" Pomni muttered, the cartoonish sound effects not phasing her this time.

"...I know." Ragatha frowned and knocked on the door to Kaufmo's room. No answer. "Kaufmo? Hey, you in there? We got a new racer today! Wanna meet her?" No answer. "Huh, maybe he's not in his room?"

BOOM!

Something large and heavy hit the wall in front of them. It shook the building and got the attentions of those still downstairs.

BOOM!!

The wall around Kaufmo's door started to crack. The door itself buckling from impact.

BOOM!!!

The door flew off the wall, Ragatha and Pomni dove out of the way, missing it by inches. The door hit the railing and fell end over end to the ground floor with a loud crash. The girls looked up at the emerging creature from the broken doorframe. A beast of indeterminate dimensions snarled as it's many eyes look wildly around in their sockets.

"What is that!?"

"Remember that whole 'point of no return'? This is it! Run, Pomni!" Ragatha took off down her section of the railing. Pomni turned on her heel and ran the opposite direction. The beast tried swiping at them both, causing it to flop on the railing in front of it, crushing it. The beast roared and randomly chose to go after Pomni. Those on the ground could only watch as Pomni circle the building trying to get to the stairs.

"What's happening!?" Gangle screamed, hiding behind Zooble.

Zooble looked up in horror as they connected the dots. "Kaufmo...no."

Jax sat under the dinner table with the stack of pancakes he ordered. He sighed and took a bite. "Here we go again."

Pomni made it to the stairs before Ragatha and slid down the railing. She fumbled the landing but kept running to the door that led outside. The beast caught Ragatha at the stairs and smashed her against the wall. The janked nature of the beast made Ragatha glitch. She screamed as she was thrown around again and again, eventually being tossed over the side and landing hard on the garage floor.

The beast jumped with the intent to crush Ragatha, but Gangle's ribbon grabbed her leg and pulled her free of the impact zone. The beast came down hard and broke the floor, textures started glitching in and out.

"In here! Quick!" Kinger opened his fortress and beckoned Zooble, Ragatha and Gangle inside. They hunkered down and held each other as they heard the beast get up from its fall. It roared and started smashing at an outside wall.

"Pomni is still out there!" Ragatha was barely understandable through her glitched speech pattern. "We have to help her!"

"No! Stay out of sight. Safe." Kinger stuttered out. The bashing and crashing of the abstracted Kaufmo brought back too many memories. He curled himself in the fetal position and stared at nothing.

Zooble pulled off one of their eyes and used it to discreetly peak out. The beast was trying to break though the wall where the entrance door was. They looked around and saw Jax still under the dining table, just finishing his pancakes. "He's right. Caine's never gone for too long. We have to wait this out. ...like last time."

"And the time before that and the time before that and the time before that-" Kinger repeated.

Gangle held Zooble's hand. Despite her best brave face, she was shaking. "It's Kaufmo, isn't it?"

Zooble nodded.

Gangle started to cry. "I didn't think it'd be him next. He was always so...so..."

"Happy? Yeah, hate to break it to you, but if someone is happy all the time...they're not." Zooble put their eye back and held Ragatha's glitching hand. It made their own arm glitch but they bared the pain to be of some comfort to Ragatha.

BOOM!!

The building shook as the beast made it outside. It saw Pomni making a break for the stands and charged. Pomni ran as fast as her new little legs could go. She could see an entryway inside the stands, maybe she could hide there. Over her shoulder, she could see the beast gaining. Not looking ahead, she ran into the door and fell on her ass.

She scrambled for the door handle. The beast was nearly upon her and WHAM! She made it though the frame just in time. She got to her feet and ran in any direction away from the door. She saw some stairs with a sign that read "Announcer Booth" and she bolted up them. The higher she went the more the textures around her started to de-load.

"For [✓√@&#] sake, how tall is this tower??" She huffed. She took a moment to catch her breath when she finally made it to the top and took a look around. She wasn't in any kind of tower, in fact, it looked like she wasn't anywhere at all. Blank gridded walls and ceilings went as far as the eye could see. Unused textures and assets sparsely dotted the landscape. Peices of half built track hovered unsupported. Obstacles still in the process of being designed.

"Pomni? What are you doing here??"

Pomni screamed at the top of her lungs and swung around to see Caine hovering just feet from where she stood. Tie loose, cane, top hat, and coat missing, he looked as though he'd been very busy and she interrupted him.

"I realize you're new around here, so you didn't know, but I don't like people seeing my unfinished work. It's...well, a bit embarrassing." He cleared his non-existent throat. "You'll get a front row view of my latest creation tomorrow, I promise! I'll just send you back now."

"WAIT!"

Caine paused mid-snap.

"There's a thing outside! It attacked us!"

"Attacked? No enemies should be in bounds this late in the day."

"No, No! It was the guy! The UHHH-" Pomni struggled to remember the name in panic.

Caine gave her a look. "The 'guy'? Really now, if you just wanted an excuse to stay up here, you could have just said so. I do have a few mostly completed projects I suppose I could show you-"

"NO! THE GUY! THE CLOWN! THE- THE- KAUFMO! That's his name! Kaufmo turned into some beast and is breaking everything! He hurt Ragatha!"

"Kaufmo abstracted!? Why didn't you say so!" He grabbed Pomni's hand and teleported with her to the starting line. There they saw the beast still bashing it's head(?) against the door to the stands. He snapped his fingers and the monster started to levitate.

"Into the cellar you go." A pit opened as Caine lowered the beast down.

Pomni was floating with Caine and the pit opening made her grab his arm tightly. She watched the beast that was Kaufmo fall down into the darkness, his roar sounding like a pitiful wail as the pit closed.

"Well...that's that." Caine's usual boisterous voice came out somber as he looked down where the pit had been.

"How many times has this happened?" Pomni asked, her voice raspy from screaming.

"Too many times." Caine left it at that as he snapped his fingers again and the damage to the buildings repaired. He teleported inside with Pomni to check his charges.

"Caine! About [@#$&!] time!" Zooble grunted as they fought to keep their own composer, helping Ragatha out of the pillow fort.

"Oop-" Caine snapped his fingers and they were normal again. He then floated down to let Pomni touch solid ground again. "Sorry about that, everyone. I was looking for Kaufmo initially, his signature wasn't coming up on my wacky watch, but then I...you know, got distracted. So much work and only so much me to handle it all." He laughed nervously. "Speaking of which, I really need to get back to it. Big race tomorrow! Rest up, my little superstars!" He poofed away.

A heavy silence fell over everyone. They looked at each other, shaken over when just happened. The building was completely repaired, even Kaufmo's room. No signs that someone abstracted. Like it never happened...or mattered.

Jax stretched as he stood up from the floor. "Uuuuugh! Finally. I was tired of sitting under there."

Ragatha saw red. She stormed over to Jax and smacked him hard enough to echoe through the garage. "What the [@#$!] is wrong with you!? Kaufmo just- he- how can you take this so lightly!?" Tears burned her unbuttoned eye.

Jax rubbed his face but otherwise didn't flinch from Ragatha. "How can you take this so seriously? It's not like it's the first time it's happened. And it won't be the last." He looked down at her. "I'm going to bed, unless anyone else wants to smack the [@#$&] out of me?" No one looked at him so he pocketed his hands and went upstairs.

Ragatha broke down into sobs. Gangle tried to comfort her. Zooble couldn't handle any more and left to their room. Kinger was politely putting all of the pillows back to her original places. Pomni went to him.

"Hey, uh...Kinger, right?"

"AH! Oh, hello, didn't see you there." He yeeted the pillow he was holding when he got startled so he clasped his hands together in front of him.

"The... Kaufmo thing-"

"Abstraction." Kinger said flatly.

"Uh, yeah...how many times has it happened?"

"So many times. So many friends. So many-"

"Give me a number. Please." Pomni tried to disguise her frustration with a smile.

"Eight people started the race. Then there were seven. Then six. Then seven. Then six. Then four. Then five. Then eight. Then seven. Then six. Then five. Then six. Then five. Then six. Then seven. Then six." Kinger started to shake in place, his eyes bloodshot.

Pomni took a step back. "Yeesh, maybe you are just crazy." She looked to Ragatha and Gangle having a cry over Kaufmo. She felt awkward possibly interrupting so she went upstairs.

She followed the doors. So many Xs. So many "abstractions". Was this really their fate? To play some game forever or risk falling apart? Her mind raced as she finally saw a door with her face on it. It's big, pleading eyes staring back at her.

"I'm getting out of here. Death would be a kinder fate than this." She took one last glance at the X'd doors and went inside her room.

~~~

Ch3

[nephilimbrute]

ur agents in particular FASCINATE me so so much i love your interpretations of them. could u tell us more about them and their stories? particularly 8, theyre so interesting!!! why do they hate marina? what happened between them and 3? what’s their relationship like with 4? anything you wanna say abt them, i’d love the infodump

omgosh....😇

a few days ago i wrote a thing that like. detailed stuff about major events with 8. i'll paste them here

agent 8 during the entire course of Octo Expansion was extremely shaken up. they couldn't think straight at all, leaving them vulnerable. sanitized cap3 wasn't much different too, she still had some control over herself and she never wanted to fight 8, making the battle between them long and confusing. eventually 8 gave up and walked up to her, ripping the sanitized goop right off her head (which, to cap3, felt like shoving a screwdriver into her eye)

during the inner agent 3 fight, was unconscious, so this was more like a a made-up battle. this 3 (dubbed enigma3) was formed out of cap3's repressed traits of herself and how 8 sees her, rather than being the 3 that 8 saw fight octavio. she's quiet, cold, confusing, and only wants to play mind games with 8. she never really left 8's conscience, but only appears when agent 8 is deathly worried about cap3

after the events of Octo Expansion, 8 absolutely adored marina. they were still a little shy though, so when marina wanted to talk to them they would kind of freak out. marina didn't mind though, and they were able to get to know each other somewhat, with 8 adapting some of marina's traits and behaviors. 8 had nowhere else to go other than sleeping behind crusty sean's food truck and park benches, so pearl let them stay with him and marina for 2 months. after those two months, pearl got in touch with agent 4 via marie (making him fawn all over meeting off the hook) and asked 4 if he could let 8 stay over (since pearl felt like they were watching him in his sleep) and fortunately, 4 said yes

after 8's mind finally clears up they start to question what's wrong with them and feel the weight of overthinking, which sends them spiraling down for the years to come (presumably the effects of tartar messing with their brain). 8 relentlessly questions cap3, rarely leaving her alone, and in turn it affects their relationship with cap3 in a negative way. when asked why they're so curious, 8 goes silent and refuses to answer

(small bit about cap3) cap3 feels like she's at fault for how 8 turned out since they started breaking after OE. she tries to make it up for them but she thinks she's only ruining them. her expectations for herself are set higher and higher, yet nothing she does is good enough. she won't give herself a break, beating herself up over every little detail and being highly critical to the point where she's stuck in a loop of self-destruction and loathing

8 slowly loses their trust in things and those they love, becoming scared and paranoid. it wasn't until side order that this was more prevalent.

in side order (AU), 8 has lost most of their memories, and the moments with the other agents and idols still remain but just barely. 8 is afraid of marina and has a deep dislike for her, but this was due to them not thinking for themself, instead listening to their gut. their brain fog is back more than ever, and whenever they try to walk for prolonged amounts of time they end up stumbling to their knees.

they can no longer tell the difference between reality and fiction. it's all a blur to them. they can feel marina's eyes everywhere. they can barely remember if who or what meant something, anything, to them. though having a deep dislike for marina, they want to be held by her. to be loved like a child. they never ask her of anything, instead just letting it burn into their brain until it breaks them completely. they want attention but they fear they'll be seen as needy and annoying. they want to apologize for everything and be forgiven. 8 doesn't know who is who, they've been copied so much they're just deemed a blank slate to be imprinted on. they watch everything disappear from their hands, unable to do anything about it. from being excited about what's to come in the near future, to being scared about losing the present and wanting to go back to the past

and then here's another little bit about 8 in side order: represents a crumbling mental state, begging for reassurance, desperately trying to hold on to fleeting memories. their trust is lost in everything but they want it all to return to normal, struggling to accept the fact that it never will

then about marina: represents a mother figure somewhat, but even she still fails to live up to that role fully. she distances herself from 8 who is always going after her just to be comforted, yet she denies it for them. she has the same goals as 8, clinging on to the present and never embracing change, but doing so only harms her and others and this behavior continues on and on

+ marina doesn't want to interact with 8 because she sees her younger self in them, she refuses to go back to that era of her life and 8 keeps promising her they'll be what she wanted to be. anything for them to be accepted, to be held in loving arms again. the lack of communication between them makes their relationship even more strained. but clearly marina still cares about 8, they were the only one to be let out of her mind control. she wanted to check on them and make sure they're okay, but what she got in return was someone that hated her

^^ their relationship is basically like this. constantly wanting to communicate with the other but being pushed away, they never fill each other's voids

onto agent 4 and 8... they have a relatively healthy relationship. 4 is 8 (and cap3)'s shoulder to cry on, he always tries his best to help them with whatever. since him and 8 both like off the hook, they'd talk about them non stop. 8 likes to give 4 details about how oth are off-stage since 8 frequently hangs out with them and stuff

4 appears as parallel canon in side order, but instead of other copies of himself, the other robots resemble agent 8 and cap3. they all circle 8 and mock them for forgetting everything about themself and their significant others, much like inner agent 3

nd i don't think i got anything else to say about those 3......that's all^_^ i'm soooo normal i'm normal

[blueskittlesart]

Do you have any theories/thoughts on why the last dragon tear is on the Rist Peninsula? Like..lore reason wise? Or did they just pick that spot cause it has a fancy spiral? This thought hasn't left my brain for weeks.

this question got me thinking, because there are quite a few spots on the totk map that are significant lore-wise in that they mention locations in other games and/or were significant in botw, but rist penninsula isn't one of them. of the locations that the geoglyphs and tears fall on, a few of their names appear to reference characters and locations in other games, which is a common theme among minor location names on the botw/totk map. aside from the naming conventions, though, none of these places share distinguishing features with any map locations in other games. there ARE certain locations on the botw/totk map that are very clearly meant to correspond to the maps of other games/cycles, but those locations will almost always have both a specific name referencing the other map's location AND distinguishing features which mirror the features of the other map very closely if not identically. the geoglyph locations pretty clearly aren't that, so the names are likely just easter eggs. these locations also don't have any significance on the BOTW map from what I can tell, aside from the occasional shrine location, which is less important to the point i'm trying to make here but this is already full of useless information bc i did the research so i might as well give you all of it. the important point here is that none of the dragon tear locations are present in any other map of hyrule aside from the botw/totk iteration.

why is this significant? because it means that botw/totk era-hyrule is the ONLY hyrule in which these locations exist. this fact, combined with the fact that certain locations seem almost designed with their respective geoglyphs in mind (the most prominent example is cape cresia's shape being perfectly fitted to the scimitar glyph, but to a lesser extent the tabantha snowfield ganondorf glyph and the NW eldin mountains master sword glyph both finding large, flat spaces suited to their respective shapes, and, of course, the final tear dropping perfectly in the center of rist penninsula's spiral, suggests that these geoglyphs and these memories were tied specifically to the version of hyrule that we see in botw/totk. Whether this has greater implications as to how the timeline of totk plays out or if it's just an indication that zelda was holding on to her memories of the version of hyrule she grew up in is up to you.

that's all i've got in terms of concrete lore, but on a more artistic level i think there is definitely a reason the last tear falls in the center of that spiral. totk continuously uses an ouroboros motif--a snakelike dragon eating itself in a continuous circle. the four dragons circle the map in continuous loops, repeating the same route endlessly, likely for thousands upon thousands of years. the spiral of rist is somewhat reminiscent of that repetition to me, but with one key difference--it ends. there is a concrete end point at the center of the spiral. once you go around it a certain number of times, the circular motion stops. you're free of the cycle. the final tear, in which zelda begs link to come to her, to find her, to SAVE her, falls at the center of that spiral, at the end of a repeating pattern of circular motions. zelda, like the other dragons, has been trapped in an ouroboros cycle for thousands of years. unable to speak, unable to remember, unable to do anything but follow her same circular path through the sky. but zelda's fate is not actually so bleak and unchangable--she's not in an ouroboros, she's in a SPIRAL. all she has to do is make it to the "center"--to wait it out until link can find her and save her, and she will be human again, and that circular motion will finally stop, and she'll be free to live her life again, to truly move forward. the act of journeying to the center of the spiral to get the last tear is forcing the player to adopt that same circular motion that zelda has been experiencing all these years, and to find the relief at the end--a microdose of the bigger battle zelda has been fighting, and which they will soon have to fight, to get her back once and for all.