#the end is the beginning etc etc

[octaviasdread]

current mood is realising my dissertation corresponds with several tortured poets department songs

[aroaceleovaldez]

i think a lot about how early-series, demigods are referred to pretty equally as "demigods," "half-bloods," and "godlings," - the last used particularly by gods at demigods - but after that "godlings" is almost exclusively used to refer to minor gods.

something something i am literally always chewing on the concept of the line between immortals/demigods/monsters/etc being thinner than it appears

[lunarharp]

shirahama-sensei reminded me she has a thing for the teacher from pokemon s/v so i randomly went off on an au where qifrey is the professor. etc

[emmaziadarcy]

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON 1.01 | The Heirs of the Dragon 1.10 | The Black Queen

[magentagalaxies]

thinking about the truman show again bc like it's a great film with great social commentary etc but also i have so many questions about the worldbuilding. and not in a cinemasins "this could never happen in real life so i refuse to suspend my disbelief" way but moreso in a the world presented in the truman show is so complex that there's so much implied that isn't part of the narrative but is still compelling to think about way

like i'm just thinking about how the movie states that truman has lived in this false reality all his life from his literal infancy through adulthood, "i was watching when you took your first steps" etc. and like we can debate how compelling the program would even be for the first 1-2 years it was on since it would just be watching a baby sitting around and doing nothing. like babies are adorable and there's a certain novelty to the premise especially since the film predates the internet, but as exciting as it would be to watch baby truman's first steps or whatever like 99% of the footage would not be these milestones so they'd be boring as hell

but that got me thinking: how would the show even be constructed while truman was a literal baby with no awareness of reality at all? like when he's an adult of course they have to manufacture this entire fake reality with family members, friends and neighbors, and rules to this world that keep him from finding out anything was up, but you would barely have to put in that kind of effort for a baby so they could easily just phone it in, but then again if there's a drastic change in the environment once truman is say 4 or 5, he might not know what exactly is up but he'd know something is up

so what i'm saying is: in the world of the truman show, would truman's baby years just be basically an entirely scripted show starring the actors playing his parents who just happen to have a literal baby on set at all times in case he reaches a developmental milestone, and that they have to take care of knowing someday he's gonna develop consciousness inside of this fake reality? what makes that different from any other tv show where the adult characters have a baby aside from the fact that real-world tv shows aren't imprisoning this infant in a false reality being like "oh shit we're gonna have to start gaslighting him someday but rn he doesn't even know what his hands are"

[thinkershipman]

i don’t even know where you end and i begin

yellowjackets 2x02 / margaret atwood / yellowjackets 2x02 / radiohead / margaret atwood / yellowjackets 1x03 / taylor swift / richard siken / amal el-mohtar / yellowjackets 2x01

[skitskatdacat63]

Favorite Martian pics atm

[thats-a-mood-gabriella]

Okay, serious question. When Blitz told Stolas about his self hatred during the opening scene of apology tour, before undoing it by shouting "welllll.... Fuck you!"

Did Stolas realize that that was the truth?

I'm asking because 1) Blitz initially frames it as a hypothetical "do you want me to be like..." And 2) Stolas didn't know prior to this about any of Blitz's self hatred, so if he did realize Blitz was being honest there, this would be the first time he found out. And his "well... Yes" feels to me like an underreaction if this is him a) getting that knowledge for the first time and b) realizing it's Blitz's truth. It feels more like him saying yes, he wants Blitz to say something like that, not him acknowledging that Blitz has just told him the truth.

But I could be misreading it.

[canidaria]

in honor of my last day of senior year i redrew some freshman year fanart of pmmm, might make an AU of them happy and normal

(PS: kyosaya and madoka are at a con, it’s also being used for homura’s school’s debate thing or something. She sucks at it btw)

(PSPS: mami isn’t there because I didn’t draw her there in freshman year, I will draw her soon DW mami fans I love her)

(PSPSPS: I have no clue why I used different face styles kinda for kyosaya and madohomu just look past it)

[gregoftom]

greg not only being tom’s attack dog, but his therapy dog, sheepdog, guide dog, watchdog, service dog

[unionizedwizard]

funniest thing ive learned (and that's coming from someone who had debilitating perfectionist tendencies) is that making your own mistakes is actually thrilling and really fun because it really feels like gaining xp and leveling up but irl. like ah shit i see. well i'll know that's a soak marker next time kinda deal

[markantonys]

today's gawynposting topic is: the "gawyn wants to be a hero" fandom narrative

i think it is complete nonsense to believe he still holds this attitude by the second half of the series, and i will fight brandon sanderson himself on it. we all know that sanderson's characterizations should be taken with a grain of salt at best, and at worst dismissed as inaccurate contradictions of jordan's characterizations, and he simply missed the mark on this aspect of gawyn's character. (in my opinion he struggled with the 3 trakand siblings even more than he did with mat, but that's another topic.) and unfortunately, recency bias makes this the general fandom memory of gawyn, even though it contradicts what we saw of him under jordan's pen.

gawyn's actual arc in this regard is more nuanced. to me, he reads as a representation of a young man who's been fed patriotic idealizations of war ever since he was a kid, and maybe at first he's eager to get a taste of real war, but when he actually does, he's given a brutal and immediate awakening as to the true horrors of war. it is nothing like it was told to him growing up, and he doesn't want anything to do with it anymore, but he's already signed up for it and so he has no choice but to keep going.

and that brutal awakening happens aallll the way back in book 4, the tower coup:

Most frightening to Min, with that blood-masked face and half-glazed eyes, with his body tensed almost to quivering and his hand upflung as if he had forgotten it, he never raised his voice or put any emotion into it. He only sounded tired, more tired than she had ever heard anyone sound in her life.

“If anything happens to them,” he said in that expressionless voice, “to Egwene or my sister, I will find you, wherever you hide, and I will make sure the same happens to you.” Abruptly he stalked a dozen paces away and stood with his arms folded, head down as if he could not bear to look at them any longer.

here min is doing what she does best - completely misinterpreting other people's behavior - but to the observant reader, it's obvious that gawyn hasn't turned into some violent, emotionless psychopath all of a sudden. instead, he's incredibly traumatized by what's happened today and has shut down as a coping mechanism. in fact, his behavior here is very very very similar to trauma behavior rand frequently demonstrates. a later line in this scene even describes gawyn as "brittle, ready to shatter at the wrong blow", aka the same analogy used for rand's whole "hardness vs. strength" arc.

as of today, book FOUR, gawyn no longer has any delusions about battle and heroism and glory. for further evidence, let's take a look at some of his reactions to dumai's wells, this time from his own point of view:

Young, as indeed all the Younglings were—many did not need to shave beyond every third day, and a few still only pretended even that—but Jisao wore the silver tower on his collar, marking him a veteran of the fighting when Siuan Sanche was deposed, and scars beneath his clothes from fighting since. He was one of those who could skip the razor most mornings; his dark eyes belonged to a man thirty years older, though. What did his own eyes look like, Gawyn wondered.

the younglings as a whole are meant to represent young men - boys, really - getting indoctrinated with patriotic ideals to make them eager to join up, and ultimately ending up dead or traumatized beyond repair because of it. these are teenage soldiers being manipulated and used by adults & institutions for their own ends, and yet fandom treats them like they're psychopathic monsters who love to murder their own mentors. jordan literally chose to name them the YOUNGLINGS, guys, like, i think he was trying to say something here.

Once he would have felt regret; he had grown up believing that if two men must fight, the duel should proceed honorably and cleanly. More than half a year of battles and skirmishes had taught him better. He put a foot on the Aiel man’s chest and wrenched his blade free. Ungallant, but fast, and in battle, slow was often dead.

Turning his bay with a sigh, he rode back down to see what the butcher’s bill had been this time. That had been his first real lesson as a soldier. You always had to pay the butcher. He had a feeling there would be bigger bills due soon. The world would forget Dumai’s Wells in what was coming.

in both of these passages, we see very clearly that gawyn has long since lost the idealization of war he grew up with. he is very aware of the true cost of war, and the prospect of future battles fills him with grim resignation rather than eagerness at more chances for Glory. he knows by the ACOS prologue that there is no glory to be found in war, only death. but he keeps on going because he feels trapped out of any other path, and because he feels a responsibility to the younglings and to the white tower.

and so sanderson's TOM passage where gawyn muses about how maybe the reason he hates rand so much is because rand gets to be a hero the way gawyn wants to be - total bullshit. as of the coup and certainly as of dumai's wells, gawyn has been thoroughly disabused of any heroic notions and has no interest at all in being a hero or gaining glory. if we think that incorrectly blaming him for morgase's death isn't a good enough reason for gawyn to hate rand for so long, then i can definitely buy that he hates him because in his mind rand is responsible for overturning the world in a way that caused gawyn all this trauma and loss of innocence and that broke his family apart, but i cannot buy that he's jealous of rand for getting to be the big hero despite being a lowly peasant.

that being said, in AMOL gawyn's characterization is more or less back on track, and his stated reason for going after demandred is because it needs to be done for the good of the last battle and he considers himself someone unimportant who can be risked for the task*. the idea that his motive is Wanting To Be A Hero is a fandom invention caused by that wonky OOC scene in TOM which apparently dictated gawyn's entire characterization forever despite 12 previous books of him not being like that.

*on this note, i came across one more line from his ACOS prologue that broke my heart: the inscription on his spyglass from morgase

“From Morgase, Queen of Andor, to her beloved son, Gawyn. May he be a living sword for his sister and Andor.”

a sword for others' use. that's how gawyn sees himself, because his own mother (along with gareth bryne and many others, i'm sure) taught him to see himself that way ever since he was a child. is it any wonder that gawyn is so self-sacrificial in the last battle without stopping to consider how his death might harm others? a sword is only worth anything if it's useful, and no one mourns it if it gets broken in battle.

of course he knows egwene will be hurt by his death because of the bond, but at the same time, he so deeply thinks of himself as disposable and as a sword meant to protect people who are more important than him that when he is put into a situation where he can sacrifice himself for a chance of saving someone more important (activating the rings which will kill him for a chance of helping egwene escape the sharans; going after demandred for a chance of taking out the person doing the most damage to the light's army without needing to risk more important people in the attempt), he's going to take it. he's a LOT like lan and rand in that way, convinced their duty is to die to protect others, but lan and rand got to unlearn that and live, and gawyn never did. and i am tired of people writing him off as a character meant to embody "cautionary tale of a mediocre white man arrogantly assuming he's more capable than he is" because that is so completely not what his character is actually about, and what his character IS actually about is really fucking sad!

[quendiviner]

toby + drastic!

YEAA ‼️ have a drawing too (also found here)

Summary: As one of its attempts to disturb the doomed project, Tobias hides very important information regarding it behind a passcode only it knows. Without the data, there is no way Samuel could continue the project. But what Toby forgot is that despite everything, the man was chosen to lead the project because of his ability to always get what he wants.

Captured, Tobias tries to survive for as long as it can, or at least to wait for a perfect opportunity to escape.

Warnings: blood, violence, death, (mild) torture, injuries

----

"You're surprisingly strong," the guard, Amanda, murmured into Tobias's face, "for some lab loser."

It smirked slightly, looking into her eyes, and spat blood at her face. "Gee, thanks, trying my best here. First time for everything, am I right," it giggled, ignoring the pain in its right side.

A cracked rib, possibly. Tobias tried to think when was the last time it had one. Possibly back when it was still figure skating?

It wasn't as annoying as the guilt in its head, feeling deeply bad about its actions. It wasn't like this, why the fuck would it do this?

Amanda stepped back, almost tripping over a cable behind her, shaking her head. "You little bitch, you-" she tried to reach for the tissue box on the table, but it kept sliding away from her bloody hands. Another guard, Robert, came closer, took out several tissues and wiped her face. She thanked him, grabbed the box and threw it towards Tobias, missing its face only a few centimeters.

It tried to keep its expression as calm as possible, despite the feeling in its stomach, and the heart beats so loud it thought the others could hear if they were close enough.

Tobias knew what they want, what Samuel wants.

It could just say it and have the whole thing end. Not suffer more and more until Samuel could finally get what he wants, or until-

It groaned at the impact of Robert's fist into its cheek.

"You think you're funny?" Amanda said loudly, gesturing the guard to hit again, "The only thing you are is annoying."

Tobias looked at her. "You know, you're probably the only one who has said that to my face."

It knew how desperate its actions were, and how they were based on a pathetic little hope it had that someone could maybe get here in time, to save it from all of this.

And if drastic, unusual behavior was what could let it hold on until that, then it really didn't see another choice.

It's not like Tobias wanted to give up and just tell everything to these fucking corporates, either.

The idea of the project being continued and reaching the next stage Samuel has planned made him feel even more sick than whatever was happening now.

"What are you doing?" Samuel's voice rang across the room, making both guards quickly turn to the door.

"Katz is acting brave," Robert began and pointed at Amanda, "and she's taking it a bit too personally."

"Too personally? Fucker spit into my face-"

Samuel sighed. "And why would it do that?"

"She decided to annoy it, I guess."

Another sigh. Samuel rubbed his chin and gave a sign with his hand. Robert turned to Amanda and shot her in face.

"What the fuck?" Tobias flinched in its chair as the body fell right next to it. "You're killing your own people now??"

"You know what's good about being in an actual lab?" Samuel said calmly, taking a few steps towards it. "The local cleaning nanobots do an incredible job. I don't know why you ever bothered to clean things by yourself."

"Wh-"

"Robert, could you please help Dr. Katz get up on its feet? I'd love to show Toby something."

The guard grabbed its shoulders and jerked it up. "Come on now, doctor."

Tobias tried to take a step, winced at the pain in its knee and fell down on the floor.

"Now, now, no drastic movements, and no smart-in-your-opinion remarks. Our friend here," Samuel glanced at his guard, "has a twitchy finger."

"Good for him," Tobias muttered while getting up slowly. It tried to stand up properly, only to wince at the pain again, "though it does sound like something he should get checked out," it added. The guard groaned and shoved him a little, not enough to make him fall but enough for the scientist to let out a surprised yet exhausted gasp.

"I warned you, Toby."

"Oh, fuck off, will you. Frankly, I doubt you'll let him blow my brains out before I tell you what you want," it smirked, "by the way, how are you going to do it? Doubt your little trick you used for Erin will work this time."

"They were more...cooperative...than you, yes."

"Didn't know turning one's back to you and getting shot counts as cooperating nowadays."

"Well, aren't you smart," Samuel said, "Robert, help our chemist walk, will you?"

The guard nodded, wrapping his arm around its shoulders.

"Where are we going?"

"Observation hall," he glanced at Tobias, "That's what you and others called it, right? Because whoever walked there could see what's happening in main lab?"

Tobias nodded slowly. "Mmhmm."

"It's good to hear office rumors every now and then."

"That the only reason you stopped by the break room?"

"Of course! I had an espresso machine in my office. It's much better than whatever you had from that coffee machine. I decided to take a sip once, it was a big mistake. But it also showed the reason why I always saw you with a latte from a neighbor cafe," he smirked, "How do you and your wife divide the cost of your little 'lunch meetings'? I know for sure she has a higher salary than you."

"That's none of your business."

"Hey, you two did meet up during work time."

"Fuck off, will you?"

"Sure, sure," Samuel stopped and rose his arms, "Ah! We're here. Now, you said this plan of yours, journalists and internal investigations, was all yours, right? No one else is involved?"

What the fuck is he doing? Tobias thought. "Yes. Why the hell would I endanger someone else's life? Do I look like an idiot?"

"Well, okay," he gestured to join him by the window, "Then what was she doing in the servers?"

Robert pushed it towards the window and stepped away. Tobias took a small step, leaned on the rail and looked down. A blonde woman, sitting on a chair, another guard standing next to her, aggressively asking questions. "Wh- Lydia?"

"Yes, your assistant. You sound surprised, interesting..." Tobias felt him standing right behind itself, watching over its shoulder. "Funny, I could swear that she was doing all this because of you. Though, of course, in a way, she is following your opinions."

"Wh- what do you mean?"

"Oh, you know. You being against my decision probably drove her to go destroy all the data we have."

"She was doing what?"

"You heard me, Toby. Funny thing, if you would've been behind it, I would've let her go. But, now-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Tobias turned to him and grabbed his jacket, "Don't do it, I beg you, she's just doing what she thinks is right. She's just young. Who isn't acting foolish when they're young?" It shook his shoulders. "Come on now, please."

"Bargaining, are you?" He stared at Tobias and pointed at the window. "Do you have something to do with this?"

"No, I swear!"

"Then why are so keen on defending her?"

"Because she doesn't deserve to die."

"Very well. Tell me the password."

"What, no, that's-"

"Last chance."

"It has nothing to do with-" Tobias gasoed as Samuel grabbed its shoulder and pushed it into the window. The guard had taken out a gun, a blaster. "No, no, please! I-" it took a deep breath, "Okay, fine. You'll get what you want."

"God, you're pathetic," Samuel took out a notepad from his jacket and gave it to Tobias. "Write."

"Okay, okay, fine," it sat down and scribbled something on the paper, then folded it several times. "Here."

Samuel chuckled. "Now that wasn't hard, was it?" he twirled the paper in his hand for a moment, gave it to the guard still standing behind them, and took out his communication device. He turned to the window with a wide smile on his face and murmured into the device, "Kill her."

"No!" Tobias turned to the window, only to see the light blue flash of the blaster. "Why...why did you do that? You promised-"

"I didn't promise you shit, Toby," Samuel turned around, leaving the sobbing mess of a scientist leaning on the rail, and walked to Robert. The guard was still messing around with the laptop, trying to find the right program. "Did you get it open?"

"I haven't tried yet, sir. I-"

"Ugh, let me," he opened the program, "Finally, now, let's see," Samuel carefully unfolded the note, his smirk suddenly turning into a frown. "You think this is funny, Tobias? You think writing 'suck a dick, corporate shithead' will offend me, huh? Drastic, for sure, I wouldn't know you were this brave, but-" he turned to the window, only to see that there's no one there. "What the fuck? Where did it go?"

Robert shrugged. "I have no idea, sir."

Samuel ripped the note into pieces and grabbed the guard's shoulders. "Then go and FIND IT," he hissed.

----

taglist (reply/dm/ask in tags to be added or removed):

@spaceratprodigy @elvves @dekarios @aeducanthaig @edgepunk

@dickytwister @hiddenbeks @terendelev @tuntau @babylon5

@claudiawolf @velocitic @eluvixns

[moiraimyths]

Before we call anon rude because let’s see it from their perspective, imagine getting an entire feast to eat. That can be pretty hard to start with so much that’s going on, but if they start with one thing they know they’ll like (aka one character they like) that can be the start for them leaping to other characters to finish the story and the bigger story. I struggle the same way to start book series if I don’t have at least one character that drives me to read it, it’s all about what can be the hook to push them through. Sounds like the anon is neurodivergent (just a guess) so they might genuinely not see it as rude and see it as a solution to even play the game to start with.

Btw absolutely adore the game, the complex and rich characters making them all so unique is amazing. The art is so pleasing to the eyes I love it!! I’m waiting for it all to get out at once so I don’t get too impatient. Shae however interests me the most, which routes will have the most lore for them? Will there be routes that give more lore in general based on decisions you make or do they all share the same amount? (I mean general lore not just Shae lore)

Apologies; we are not trying to accuse any asker of being rude! We are simply explaining our perspective as the developers / are trying to broadly encourage folks to dip their toes into other areas of the story outside of the main route(s) they're interested in, especially considering some routes will be made available sooner than others, and these other routes will likely contain additional scenes/lore of everyone's fave(s) regardless! We want to give each main cast member an equal amount of love (and lore) regardless of their overall popularity, so our goal is not to tut-tut anyone for having strong preferences for one character over the others, but rather to explain that you may be surprised by how much *more* you learn about your preferred characters in the other routes. That's all!

For Shae... Well, they were a foot soldier for one of the worst periods of the War. Lore wise, any other story that touches on the War will likely have content relevant to them and their experiences. ^^

[starlightswordfight]

olimar louie headcanon time cracks knuckles

once again going under the keep reading tab because I NEVER stop talking

– okay first off I don't think EITHER of them are working at hocotate freight because they want to. it is VERY clear that neither of them actually care as much about the job as they do their other interests/passions, which leads me to believe that they are quite literally only still there to make ends meet or out of contract obligation. if they could leave they would. something is wrong

– not a hc but I need them to discover what unions are right now. if that doesn't work murder is also acceptable

– i think if olimar thought about it for two seconds he'd use he/they or any pronouns but he has never stopped to consider it since he genuinely does not have any time

– olimar also would have been happier as a biologist maybe. and that was the initial plan! started working at different positions first when he was younger (like hocotate freight) (big mistake) so he could get used to working before moving on to pursue his passions, and ended up just ... never leaving. "i'll just stay one more year" that's the devil talking

– learned sign language (either interstellar or a hocotate specific language/dialect) exclusively for louie. it's surprisingly also observed in the pikmin at times now!! even if they Butcher It with their Tiny Pitiful Hands. they're trying

– his trypophobia just kind of happened. there's no lore centric reason for it being there, it just freaks him out and always has

– will have to avoid things that seem completely unrelated, the worst example being literal condensation sometimes? sees the water droplets line up Not Right and INSTANTLY dies

– stims often, and it's nearly always vocal. a lot of it is talking to himself, or humming!! tries not to Interrupt the pikmin songs but sometimes does, without noticing until they stop and stare at him comically. let the man LIVE

– louie is semi verbal. sign and writing are far, FAR easier for him to communicate with. he does not like talking unless he fucking has to and even then sometimes he can't

– louie would've loved to have gone into the culinary field, and actually started attending school for it! but the environment was incredibly unaccommodating. stressful enough that he didn't feel he had a choice outside of dropping out. tried just starting work right away instead and, turns out, entry level positions in food service are also absolutely awful on hocotate!! fuck!!

– so he's working at a freight company instead. he is rightfully bitter about it

– he didn't actually ever know his parents! he was fully raised by his grandmother. their relationship is .. Mildly Complicated

– okay related to all of the above I think he's so hungry all the time because of stress. that or there may be an underlying medical reason but I am NOT equipped to write or speculate on that

– louie, too, makes art because murder is wrong

[alienaiver]

"that's it. i'm removing you from the roster until you've stopped by the doctor."

you look at midoriya in disbelief. unable to keep yourself poised at his final decision, your shoulders slump and the exhaustion washes over you like a wave. he's seen through you.

it's been a year since your near-death experience with an all-too-powerful villain and while shinsou took great care of you during your recovery, something's been off ever since - you haven't been able to put a finger on it, though, so you decided to do what every self-sacrificing hero does: you powered through. until there was no power left to muscle your way out of it. and now it's become visible to others too. you have a feeling shinsou might've ratted you out, but you don't blame him. you'd done the same if it were him.

you get home in a daze and fall face first onto the bed. you don't wake up until you feel the weight shift and the warmth of shinsou's lips touches your cheek. but you don't have the energy to react with more than a hum. your eyelids are so heavy. there's a ringing in your ears but it's so constant that it just feels like a persistent buzz. shinsou says something as he settles behind you, arms wrapping themselves around you. for a while, you think there's silence but he says your name sternly in a voice he only uses when he knows you're not entirely listening to him. huh. you're mostly used to hearing it on the battlefield.

"i'm worried about you."

you sigh and hum, pushing yourself weakly back onto him, "'ve got a doc's appointment..... tomorrow."

he kisses the crown of your head, "okay... okay, good."

he's drawing soft circles into your arm and you drift away again. he wakes you when there's dinner and you perk up again slightly, but not enough to make him stop worrying his lip between his teeth. you fall asleep fifteen minutes into a movie later that night.

you put on your shoes and lock the door behind you, putting the keys in your pocket as you turn for the stairs at the end of the hall. you really wish there'd been an elevator in your building right now. as you walk down the steps, your feet feels heavier but you chalk it up to be your shoes. it's the sneakers you don't wear that often, but it's too cold for sandals today. you shrug it off and just concentrate more on walking.

the doctor goes through your symptoms with you but there's hardly any, you reassure her. you're just so exhausted no matter how many hours you sleep. she warns you that you may be sleeping too much. you agree with a laugh - you don't remember ever sleeping so many hours, having been an insomniac your entire youth. she does some blood tests and sends you home, saying you'll be called in when the answers are back.

the days that pass are all a blur. without your shifts at the agency, time becomes fuzzy around the edges. you don't have to get up, so you just stay in bed, since you've been told you need to rest anyways. on the third day you wake up to several notes on the bedside table, the bathroom mirror and the kitchen counter and fridge from shinsou with various reminders about eating and drinking properly and where he's stocked some snacks and prepped some food for you to reheat easily. you chuckle and shake your head at his antics. you're just tired, is all. the headaches comes with the job, you remind yourself as you try to gently massage out the tension in your neck to relieve your pounding head. he might be right about the water intake - you grab the cold bottle he's put in the fridge for you and brings it with you to the bed.

"i think you should call and ask if they've gotten the answers yet." shinsou says matter-of-factly and you nod, "yeah, it has been a few days. but it's the weekend, right? i'll call on monday." and that ends the conversation.

monday comes but you forget to call, even if you've been determined to do so. by the time you remember, the office is closed for the day. you sigh heavily and fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. you prepare the apology for shinsou on your tongue before you drift off.

tuesday morning your phone rings - several times. you finally reach out and pick up, thinking it's shinsou.

"i do apologize for the wait. the doctor unfortunately had to take some time off last week, but we have your results. will you be able to come in today?"

you agree, dragging yourself up. there's more energy in you today, but it should've been way more given the intense rest you've been having. you put on one of shinsou's hoodies and a pair of sweats before you drag yourself to the kitchen to grab a bite.

turns out, you suffer from anemia. an intense, prolonged form and need medication as soon as possible. shinsou's livid when he comes home and gets the news, angry that it has been missed when the agency periodically keeps an eye on their heroes' health. you sit on the chair with your hands folded like a child being scolded and try to laugh it off, "come on now, hito. i just need to take some medication and i'll be fine. the usual blood tests the past year haven't covered that - even if they should, i know," you hurry to add, "but i'll be fine, i promise."

shinsou sighs and his whole body slumps, leaning against the table you're sitting by. you take his hand, "i'm okay."

he visibly relaxes but there's something he's holding back. you've been together since high school, so you can read him like a book. you squeeze his hand, "open up."

he clicks his tongue with furrowed brows before he opens his mouth, "you've had these symptoms for months. why didn't you tell me?"

you look at the ground, guilt written on your face. mostly, because you don't have a proper answer to give him. you don't know why you didn't - the symptoms had all been sneaking up on you, snaking their way into your body quietly and suddenly it'd just become so chronic that you'd normalized it. you let out an apology and he squeeze your hand back, "it's okay to not have an answer. but please, can we be mindful of things like this in the future?"

you smile at him, "only if you continue to make the little post-it notes. they're adorable - especially your small doodles of dogs."

shinsou hides his face in his hands with a groan, "they were cats."