#the embodiment of that one song that goes you look like you love me

[slothxio]

Mr. Jayce “I love my wives” Talis

[b00tyliciousbabe]

munch

bisexualbigboybf! x THICC!male reader

summary: manifesting my future husband

notes: THANKS FOR 1k ppl dem! BEEN IN DRAFTS FOR A WHILE. i think there needs to be some more love + appreciation for bi men and big boys so i amalgamated the two. not a fetish y’all, just a preference, they be taking care of my inner princess and for that i will ALWAYS be grateful. a lot of feminisation in this one so tread carefully. it’s a lil messy (jumps in tenses and stuff like that) but i litch couldn’t focus without getting too excited. ENJOY MY HEARTS.

song rec: normani - big boy (feat. starrah)

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your big boy bf didn’t think he had a chance with you at first, nor did he even want one. at first he hated you, watching how all the other men in your life were one flirty conversation away from having a piece of your juicy ass, and how the girls envied and coveted your thick hourglass figure. your sweet personality sickened him ; you made sure to give them your gym routine and your diet, being the beauty guru you were. but what he realised, was not that he hated you, but that he hated not having you. when he realised this, he needed you, more than anything.

you embodied a refreshing style of hyper femininity that made you all the more attractive to your bi man. seeing your body in its thick glory made him love himself more. how your belly added to your voluptuous figure, your plump cheeks, and fleshy muscle surrounding your chest and thighs, he was mesmerised by your form. you were, in his eyes, divine. little did he know that you had fallen first; his broad shoulders, strong biceps and pudgy belly practically had you ovulating. your gigantic teddy bear, standing at a foot taller than you, had a heart of gold and this protective aura around him, enamoured you.

when you debuted your relationship online, you were met with a flurry of mainly positive responses. yeah sure there were the odd few denouncing your femininity and body shaming y’all, but you ignored them because you don’t have to convince the world that you’re THEE baddie b and your man is the sexiest mf to ever exist.

luvagoalz: they are literally the embodiment of the wattpad height difference. I NEED.

user222: y/n getting dicked down DAILY by a giant is so girlboss of him.

sza: bestie got himself a big boy - y/n send me the deets for the wedding.

your bf is a huge gym rat and when you two became exclusive, your already voluptuous figure became all the more defined with his help. you were flawless. you love seeing him in the gym, sweating as the veins in his forearms pop out making him look so attractive. he definitely enjoys your company there, teasingly rubbing his bulge against your ass and face when no one was watching. his exhibitionist kink goes crazy seeing how beautifully your workout clothes hug your butt and cinch your waist. he used to be slightly insecure about his stretch marks but after a cool down session, and you complimenting them like lightning bolts imprinted on his skin, he felt superhuman. you always knew what to say to make him feel better.

he’s so protective of you. always sleeps on the side closest to the door and isn’t afraid to send someone to hospital if they even look at you the wrong way, or in a manner he doesn’t like. in his mind he’s seeded you and you’re literally carrying his kids and thus it’s his responsibility to protect you. it’s almost primal. he isn’t controlling or anything, but finds it incredibly important to remind you that with him you are completely safe.

they say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and boy was that the case during your talking stage. it was perfect; you love to cook and so he’s more than happy to try your baked goods. your boyfriend loves his sleep on the weekends and so in true house husband fashion you often prepare breakfast in an apron with your thick cheeks hanging out from behind. one day he woke up to the sweet smell of you making his favourite. groggily stumbling into the kitchen, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, long dick swinging out of his briefs as he advanced towards you.

‘good morning love.’ his deep voice sent shivers down your spine as he kissed the words into your neck. he held onto the groove of your hips, caressing your lower back with the tip of his index finger and watched as you writhed beneath him. ‘babe, what are you doing up? you need your sleep, you’ve been working so hard lately.’ you said, breathing haphazardly as he ground himself into you. ‘i missed you. and i want my morning kisses.’ beginning to untie your apron he turned you around, and removed the lace from around your neck. hiking you up on the table top, the heat of your bare ass, that his dick previous massaged into you, was cooled by the granite. you wrapped your legs around him, as your hands stroked his beard. wiping that shit eating grub off of his face, your lips came closer to his own, as you could feel his heartbeat in his throat - this man is so in love with you. the kiss lasted quite a while, precum staining the opening of his boxers and pooling on your thighs. you knew that you were about to be fucked dumb and so you turned of the hob to avoid burning the house down. the fire inside y’all was more than enough to keep you going.

your man doesn’t fully realise his own strength. he was very hesitant to have sex with you for a while and mostly stopped at groping you before his dick got too hard to ignore. so, for your first time, he had to refrain literally ripping your clothes to get to the prize of your nudity. he absolutely loves seeing you (try to) deepthroat. the reason? his size kink goes insane when you attempt to take his gigantic package. this man is LONG and GIRTHY, capable of splitting you in half and abusing all your spots with ease. the veiny sausage he’s packing could do some serious damage but he held back when it came to your first couple times with him.

he always takes time to ensure that your safe and comfortable. initially his size intimidated you, your mannerisms connoting your subtle anxiety. he kissed the fear out of you, reassuringly saying, ‘you know I would never do anything to hurt you.’

your boyfriend is the KING of consent, always ensuring that you want his big cock just as much as he wants to feel the warmth of your boy pussy. one day whilst he was working from home, he noticed you squirming like an omega in heat. he sighed and smirked. ‘d’you want me to fuck you?’ he burst out. already used to his blunt disposition, you nodded. advancing closer towards you, staring down at the desperation in your face, he stroked your hair. ‘use your words y/n, i wanna hear how badly you want it.’ his charisma practically had you high. ‘I need you, please.’ you began to undo the string that held up his joggers, as he removed his tshirt. ‘i can never say no to my baby boy.’ he smiled, pants bunching at his ankles as he slowly railed on the edge of your shared bed.

he encourages you to take him fully each time, praising you because no one else had been able to take him past halfway. ‘i know baby, i know, do it one more time for me.’ he said endearingly, wiping the tears from your face as his dick invaded your throat.‘THERE IT ISSS UGH FUCK! i love your mouth.’ he cooed.

equally, your bf is the only man you’ve been with that’s been able to satisfy you sexually. you steered clear from all the men who were only interested in your body and not your heart and so you had very minimal experience outside of toys and your hands. the few you may or may not have been with were damn near clueless. on the other hand…your man has had plenty of hoe phases. it sly bugged you how he’d been intimate with a greater number you could’ve imagined but all that disappeared when he first made love to you. the best thing about him is that he can handle allat that ass. despite the clear size difference this doesn’t stop you from being a FREAK. He even encourages it. loving your thick globes of ass flesh kiss his lower belly as you push back and twerk all over his dick. his favourite part of your shape are your hips. he wants to breed you full of his children.

whenever he says ‘fuck yeah baby, back that shit up.’ it sends you orbital. it’s well known that the two of you share a huge affinity for doggy. the way you stroke his pudginess while he rails you in that position has become a safety mechanism - one that he has learnt to make the experience all the more enjoyable. with one hand holding you up (realistically struggling to, under the sheer passion of his fucking) and the other one bent behind your back fingering his belly button. his huge dick borderline tears you open and by grabbing onto him makes you feel safe. he usually recognises that it’s getting a bit too much when your moans become screams, and you get tighter. and as much as he loves seeing you overstimulated and fucked out on his cock, he doesn’t wanna break you (completely). so he slows down, soothing your pain with sweet nothings and his large hands massaging your ass cheeks.

for him personally though, he loves to smush you underneath his weight. in prone bone, he has direct access to your ear, whispering words of affirmation but degrading you with the grip of his arms around your neck. his beard hair softly touching your cheek, causing a wave of bliss to hit you, always gets him going. he knows you love hearing him praise you; his grunts are so delectable, a symphony with the percussion of him clapping tf outta your cheeks. as you whine like a lil bitch, they become guttural, like an alpha in his rut. the carnal passion of your heavier and rougher sessions reveal a callous side to his possessive nature. dangerous how much it turns you on.

words can’t really describe how much you love his stomach, happy trail adorning his belly, and riding him offers you the opportunity to see allat that on a platter. his smirk as he tries to contain his excitement that your his and only his.

on the topic of eye contact, you’re favourite mutual position is definitely missionary - your bf adores every inch of you. how your body becomes compliant. your hole crafted to take his big dick. the way it pierces through the walls of your pussy, massaging your gumminess. he sometimes drools from how lost he can be in the experience. ‘take my cock, yhhh baby, fuckkkk.’

slowing down his jack hammering pace, he’d lean forward with his low hanging balls rutting into you agonizingly slow.

‘you like that shit, huh baby? yeah? loving on my dick so well.’ whispering as he begins to mark your collarbone. then moving upwards onto your neck, massaging your previously pummeled throat as you looked up, desperate to kiss him. he exhales into your mouth, breathing life into you that he had taken away with his hard thrusts. his softness escaped as quickly as it arose, thrusting his entire load into you.

‘shit’ you scream as he laughs hoarsely, the rasp in his voice a melting honey.

in the same position, you love his cum face. something about how his eye and nose scrunch as he pants and grunt deeply. his beard ticking your chin. it also allows him to be vulnerable with you. he would hold your head cradling it with an affection rivalled only by how sweetly his tip kisses your prostate with each lengthy thrust. when he first enters, he’s checking to see if your okay, if you want more lube. you say no. legs just above his hips, you bring your hand to stroke his beard as he concentrates on directing his dick in a way that doesn’t make him cum immediately upon re entry.

‘i love you.’ you say getting all emotional from how well he’s treating you. ‘I love you too y/n.’ he leans down for more kisses as your hand now snakes around the back of his head.

he stops, letting you catch your breath, playing with your hair and caressing your face lovingly. your arms drop immediately at the warmth of his touch. he lifts and cradles your head, a delicacy opposing his rough demeanour.

‘I fucking love you,’ your bf grunts, placing forehead kisses, panting, as he starts moving faster. your legs now wrapped tightly around his abdomen like a vice. he plants both hands behind your head, balling his fists at either side of your head to create the perfect foundation to fuck you hard. brings one of his hands to cradle your hair and to bring your head closer to his. your temples meet ensuring that you’re so close and intimate. the man brings his body up, still inside you, collects your legs together, one leg on each shoulder holding onto the thick flesh of your upper thighs, allowing you to adjust, before toppling over onto you again to get deeper inside your pussy. later, moving his hands up to behind your knees, his rugged fingertips grip the flesh of your hamstrings.

your boyfriend brings his fingers up to stroke your cheeks and remove the hair sticking to your face. he’s growling at his need to go ham, but he exercises self-control as a means to take care of you. however, what he doesn’t realise is that his painfully slow strokes transport you to a utopia of bodily ecstasy.

he ABSOLUTELY loves seeing the imprint of his girthy cock in your stomach, pressing down on it to add to your respective pleasures. and when you both reach the top of the mountain, the visual of you being completely fucked out on his huge pole, as it protrudes through your stomach which is now decorated with your own personal release, makes him wanna rail you again. and again. until you pass out or his dick becomes limp. the latter would never happen because wherever you are, that cocks gonna be UP.

aftercare is so underrated with him. in his past relationships, it was usually a hit and quit it situation - his words not mine. thus he didn’t really know what to do at first. he’s so used to hookup culture, that he never bothered. but with you, he knew he had to change; one, because he knew you’d never let him near you again if he didn’t take care of you, but mainly two, because you were his and he had a responsibility to cherish you. considering you literally couldn’t walk and body was limp, your man needed to ensure you were taken care of. though he always reassures you, you make sure to do the same. the first time you spooned him he slept like a baby. BIG BOYS NEED CUDDLES TOO Y’ALL.

he gets really apologetic, constantly asking ‘did I go to rough.’ as he massages the bruises on your hips. sometimes feels guilty that he fucks you too hard. You put his mind at ease telling him that you do like it. your bubble butt and tight hole were made to take his cock.

this still doesn’t stop him from confessing to you; ‘baby, I’m so sorry.’ he kisses your skin. ‘when I see that ass if yours jiggle, it drives me crazy, I just can’t stop.’ it often leads to him overcompensating. as the his cum seeps out of your obliterated cunt. he just wants to make you feel safe. the same safety he feels when he’s with you.

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tag list:

@gayaristocrat

@ghostking4m

@lysanderplume

[sweetheartsaku]

(BLLK) LOVE BELT.

𝜗𝜚 BLUE LOCK VARIOUS: MYOSOTIS (FORGET ME NOT).

a/n: [fem!reader] AHHHHH FIRST BLLK POST!!!!! LASTEST FIXTATION!!!! hopefully not too ooc huhu, hope pt1-ers find pt2~

— characters: isagi, kunigami, nagi, reo

part two ! ♡ chigiri, rin, bachira

isagi yoichi ; love belt - jonghyun, yunha

ties your shoes for you!!!!! doesn't care if it holds back the group or how long it makes them stop for. double knot, never too tight (the occasional times my guy friends tie my laces i swear i lose circulation in my feet 😔).

embodiment of a beabadoobee song! hes such a sweetheart (apart from on the field) n' kisses you lightly on the corner of your lips or on your eyelid, holds you a little higher than your hip and hugs you with his arms supporting your back from beneath.

your mama loves him more than you do, i fear (ᵕ—ᴗ—) bro fr pulled up to your house with a rose for your mama and a mug for your dad, because who is he to pull up to his girlfriend's house without gifts for your parents? (with intentions of getting to know what they're like so the wedding goes smooth) how can you expect your mama not to fall for him after he offers to help wash the dishes?

learns all the little things you like, has a note on his phone with your fruit tea and coffee order. knows what type of materials you like, especially to the girls who have sensory issues 🫡. he always has you in mind, buying hoodies and shirts that not only he likes, but you like

in conclusion, spectacular gimme 14 more of em'

kunigami rensuke ; no. 1 party anthem - arctic monkeys

ALWAYS THE FIRST TO INITIATE. always plans dates first. has anniversary ideas months prior. he has your order memorized and makes sure the date won't ruin your latest set of nails.

holds your leg when you bounce it ! very worried when you do. always looks around for a little. is it cold? are there weird guys?

he's so boyfriend i just wanna kiss him, tells you to wear whatever you want because he can fight (#needthat)! kunigami one of the most boyfriend in the show pre wildcard! ദ്ദി(•̀ ᴗ - ) ☆

do you guys know that trend when there's a girl then her boyfriend comes in and swoops her away (or is it just me HELP hopefully i don't sound crazy)?? but he does it so effortlessly omg. didn’t spend that long in the gym for nothing

mornings are the hardest because his diligence and discipline for the gym are out of the roof. but he’s not completely heartless! kunigami feels really bad as you sleep uncomfortably without him, tossing and turning just missing the grasp that once held you. worst bit is when you wake up the same time as him, but you’re a lot sleepier, resulting in you weakly catching his wrist. breaks his heart whenever he has to go and presses a chaste kiss to your temple >3<

holds your waist on public transport. smells like axe body spray /hj

nagi seishirou ; no one noticed - the marías

BLANKET HOG!!!!!! unfortunately, you're always cold because sometimes you can find yourself freezing your toes off in the middle of the night because this little sloth feeds off warmth. if not wrapping the entire blanket around himself, is practically on top of you with his nose nestled in the crook of your neck and his lips basically on your collarbone as you run your hands through white locks (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

fiddles with the hem of your shirt or loose drawstrings on your pants. his hand in the pocket nearest to your butt, fidgets with your rings and knows which ones go on which finger by heart.

very very very immersed when you paint your nails or get them done. but nagi takes a good 5 minutes to stare at them (especially if there's charms on them) and a girl would be confused. but in reality, he just really likes them (but, he'd prefer if they'd run through his hair instead).

doesn't get the stuff on tall shelves on purpose SUPER SENIOR ALERT WEE WOO WEEWOO!!!!!!! either because its "too much of a hassle" or because he wants to get a reaction out of you (cruel)

falls asleep in movies sooo quickly its adorable. 30 minutes into the movie his head is on your shoulder. scared, due to his tall nature that he'd get neck pain when he wakes up, you have to gently pat him awake (੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ and he'll ask you to carry him (???)

reo mikage ; love maze - BTS

zip up your jackets, wraps your scarves. holds your hands when your cold and rubs them with his!!!!

reo's favourite place to kiss you is your hand. craves the intimacy of it all. as his princess what the hell are you doing without a kiss to your hand before every door you open? (you don't remember the last time you opened a door before you started dating reo)

apart from the soccer club, most likely plays in a band as well. occasional school-related gigs here and there and a few enjoyable get-togethers with his friends to just play whatever. watch his performances! (SOOO cheesy!!!! says "this is for you, [name]" before he starts his pasilyo cover.)

cooks' breakfast on hard weeks. when everything seems to be falling apart, your boyfriend will always be there to help you pick up the pieces, even if it's just the little things. when you're sick GYATT DAHH will you be feeling better in days!!!!! he'll keep distance but won't hesitate to move a strand of hair from your mouth as he spoon feeds you or place the back of his hand on your forehead. but also, doesn't mind being sick if it meant you were ok.

promise rings promise rings promise rings. did i mention promise rings? its either the crazy big, expensive diamond or a simple one in silver that has his initial on the inside <33

[notiddygothgf]

SEX IS FREE (her)

★ pairings: nanami kento x f! reader

★ synopsis: In the search for solace, Nanami stumbles right into the arms of an exotic dancer. In the search for money, an exotic dancer finds more than she bargained for. In the heat of the moment, a contractual relationship turns into something more. (or; the one where sugar daddy!nanami is sweet on his girl)

★ c.w.: nanami being sexy asf, suggestive content, mentions of sex (more content warnings and tags)

★ a/n: HIIIIII omg so i can explain the hiatus lol.... it was totally unintentional. i wound up getting super depressed over school and then fell into a chainsaw man hyperfixation (read shameless, its an aki ff i wrote youll love it). I FINALLY PICKED THIS STORY UP AGAIN because for some reason it's been getting a lot of attention recently??? lol anyway! your comments inspired me to continue writing it (though i cant promise that i'll update quickly, i AM a full time student so #bepatientwithme).

I was salivating over Nanami in this chapter if you couldnt tell lol.... but enjoy!!! keep those comments coming! who knows, maybe i have another chapter stored away and will update a little earlier....... x

★ w.c.; 5.6k

my kinda love; chapter index

‘AND I’M BAD LIKE THE BARBIE. I’m a doll, but I still wanna party,’

“Donnie, baby, you in there?”

“Yeah!” You called back, loud enough for your coworker to hear through the door. You pressed the tube of red lipstick against your bottom lip, peering into the mirror, filling in the outline you had done in black. When you didn’t receive an immediate answer, you continued humming along to the song playing quietly from your phone. “Pink vette like I’m ready to bend. ‘Imma ten so I’m pullin a ken, likeee.”

Your coworker entered the dressing room – you were the only one there. Most of the other girls from the afternoon shift had gone home already. 

“Some dude wants to rent you,” She told you. 

“No. I don’t do private rooms,” You replied without even looking back. You knew who she was. You weren’t the biggest fan. “I’m good, Mandy.”

“He asked specifically for you,” She added. “Offered a lotta money, too. Helluva lot more than we normally charge.”

You froze up at that. Initially, your first thought was to send her off a second time. Then, you thought of her running off with your money. 

“Is he one of them greasy, sleazy old guys?” You asked. It was wild, how quickly you perked up when you heard that. “Last guy was throwin’ himself onto me. I should’ve filed a police report.”

“Oh, stop your ‘bitchin,” The girl sighed. “He’s paying 200 just to see your ass.”

If you had a tail, it would have started wagging. 

What? A girl had bills to pay. “So he is a greasy old pervert.”

“No, actually. He’s a fine, young thing. Well, not young, but younger than most of the guys we usually get back here,” She trailed off in thought. You watched her body move in the corner of the mirror. “Sexy as hell. Serious, businessman type. Tall, blond, handsome, a jawline that could cut paper,” here, she bent over, leaning over you and muttering the next words into your ear, “I could always take him off your hands, y’know.”

“As if,” You replied. Spinning the chair back around, you got up. “Better not be expecting nothing extravagant. I’m considering this overtime.”

With a deep breath, standing in front of the cherry red door, your heart began to pound against you chest. It was some strange mixture of nerves and excitement you felt as you raised your hand to knock. 

Here goes nothing. You reached for the doorknob and entered the private room, turning back only to lock it behind you. 

“Special delivery!” you crooned, trying to embody a playful tone to mask the jittery feeling within. When you turned around to face the client, you were caught by surprise. 

Your wide eyes traced over a familiar silhouette – broad shoulders, perfectly-fitted, navy blue two-piece suit that clung to his large arms, and matching slacks that clung to his legs – his widespread, casual position hinted at sophistication. A pretty, sharp, angular face framed by neatly-cropped blond hair. A tasteful timepiece on his wrist caught your eye. 

Narrow eyes obscured by peculiar glasses, chiseled cheekbones and jawline. His blond hair – framing his apricot skin – was done up carefully, perfectly, sweeping over his head like a ray of sunlight. You recognized him by his signature scowl.

He came back for more?

You liked your lips, trying to play it cool (like you hadn’t been waiting for him to come back). “Oh, hey, it’s you again,” you said with a smirk. Strutting over to him, you cooed, “Couldn’t stay away?”

He’s so fucking hot.

Though his response wasn’t verbal, the pink hue that dusted his face was not lost on you. You swayed your hips from side to side. “Can you give me somethin’ to work with? I don’t usually do these rooms, you know.”

The devastatingly handsome man swallowed, fixing his gaze on the door – the one you had locked on the way in. As you worked your way between his legs, teasingly dragging your hands up and down your body, his gaze wandered back to you. Shamelessly, you reveled in the attention – studying his reaction.

You could smell his cologne from here – again – and, shit, it made your head spin all over again. The warm notes lingered beneath the collar of his dress shirt. Amber. Wood. Musk. Something dark?

“So I’ve heard,” The man replied, finally breaking his silence. His voice was a revelation – deep, mellow, and smooth, carrying a certain tone of weariness that seemed to add to his enigmatic charm. Charm? Yes, you supposed he charmed you.

He loosened his tie and undid the top button on his shirt to let some fresh air in. The action drew your attention to his neck, provoking you to take a moment to appreciate the details your coworker had emphasized: Tall, blond, with a jawline that could indeed cut paper.

You were wretched. You had to have been. This is so wrong.

“You seem tense,” You remark, making your second attempt at breaking the ice. “You’re new to the scene, aren’t you?”

The handsome stranger – Nanami, if you remembered correctly – licked his lips, drawing mindless shapes over the deep-toned fabric that covered his knee. “Is it that obvious?” he asks, a faint smile playing on his lips.

The movement did not go unnoticed.

“A little,” You huffed out a quiet laugh. “Do you want a dance? We could just sit and chat, too, if you want. I don’t mind. I know your type tend’ta like talking.”

You couldn’t control the way your eyes flitted down over his toned thighs – mind hazy with unwelcome thoughts. The temptation to crawl into his lap a second time was strong, but you reminded yourself of the situation – he was your roommate’s teacher, for fuck’s sake. Your roommate’s handsome… muscular… expensive-looking teacher… with a deep, sexy voice that you could hardly resist.

You must have been ovulating. That was the only excuse.

“I won’t make you put on a show for me,” Nobara’s professor trailed off, eyes distant, clearly lost in thought. He seemed to snap out of it after a moment, pretty brown eyes peering into yours – they looked so dark up close. “As crazy as it sounds, I only wanted to speak to you.”

Your sultry facade cracked a bit at that, surprised by the sudden turn of the conversation. From your experience, men usually came here with only one thing in mind. He wanted to talk… to you. Oh my god.

You nearly squealed. Clearing your throat and pressing your legs together, you turned to hide your flustered face from the older man. “Alright,” you said. “You have 30 minutes.”  Plopping down on the couch next to him, you threw your legs over his lap. “What’s your name, handsome stranger?”

You already knew his name. Still, to keep up appearances, you played coy with him. You knew that, reasonably, there was no reason you should be continuing to entertain him — financial commpensation aside, though you could always reimburse him. You should have turned back the moment you realized it was him.

Then again… he had come to see you. It wasn’t like he knew you were his student’s roommate, but that was besides the point. That alone was moral justification enough for you.

The stiff man had his eyes trained on the spot where your legs had been thrown haphazardly over his. Then, nervously, he answered, “Nanami. Kento.”

Kento. You liked that name. It rolled off the tongue real easy — a buttery smooth name for a man as composed as him.

“Nice to meet you Nanami… Kento,” You chipped, mimicking his prose. “Donetta DiVine. I’m sure you already knew that, though. Do you wanna start, or should I?”

Nanami Kento knitted his brows. “Start…?”

You rolled your eyes rather playfully, giving his leg a nudge with your heel. You had ditched the stage platforms for a smaller pair of stilettos. “What do you do for a living?” 

He licked his lips. After a brief pause, he answered, “I can’t really say, but I teach on the side.”

“Ooh— mysterious…” You grinned. Leaning into the couch, you braced your chin on your hand, staring into his eyes. It didn’t take much effort to play the role of the ‘interested’ siren like it normally did. Not with him. “You already know what I do,” You added, “You look tired.”

His brown eyes widened with surprise.

Shit, I overstepped.

You took your statement back quickly, “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, it’s not—“ He trailed off. Something in his harsh expression softened. “You’re right. Just the first person to notice.”

If your attraction to the man had been any more obvious, you would’ve been waving a sign around with his name on it.

“Really? You’ve got such tired eyes,” You continued anyway. You figured you would at least try to make the most of this half hour with him. “Wanna talk about it?”

He sighed, “Where would I even begin?”

“Your week?” You answered, making a rolling gesture with your spare hand. “How… how was it?”

He looked equal parts confused and intrigued by you, quirking a perfecftly arched brow before clearing his throat. “My week was alright. I started work again after taking a leave of absence for a few months.”

“No kidding…” You trailed off. It didn’t take much to make your interested tone seem real, as you felt nothing but the most genuine sense of interest while listening to him drone on in that deep, raspy voice of his. You could have listened to it for hours. “What happened?”

Something flashed in his eyes. It was quick, fleeting – you almost missed it. “Workplace injury,” He sighed. “If it’s alright, I’d rather not go into detail about it.”

This guy’s like a brick wall.

“Did you heal up okay?” You asked, eyes wide and prying.

He didn’t seem to mind you much. That was a good sign.

“Had to undergo some minor surgery but, yes, I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” He smiled, actually smiled, and it made your chest stir with something unfamiliar. He was devastatingly handsome – the kind of handsome you kept in a little locket in your pocket when you went to war, or something like that. “My bosses have been pressuring me to come back ever since I left. One superior of mine in particular… has been a nuisance. I was under the impression that sick leave was supposed to be a period of peace… but I guess I thought wrong.”

You laughed at his attempt at humor. It came easily to you. Too easily. “I know how you feel. I busted my ass a few months ago. Twisted my ankle real bad,” You raised your leg off of his lap, twirling your stiletto heel around in the air, cutting through it like a knife. “These things are deadly. Boss gave me a solid two days before he started blowing up my phone asking when I was going to be back. It’s like… can you let me live?”

He laughed, then – really laughed, the kind that made his chest rumble, head thrown back against the cushiony couch. And as he released the melodious sound that made your head spin, his eyes creased at the corners. The experience gap between the two you couldn’t have been more apparent. He was a grown man, hardened by years of trials and tribulations – a mysterious one, at that. And there you were, a naive little dancer with your legs strewn over his lap like he was a partner and not a client. He seemed so wise beyond his years, something only accentuated by the tiredness in his eyes. You longed to hear him drone on about his life a little longer, 30 minutes be damned.

“My superior and I actually went to highschool together. He’s been up my ass as long as I can remember,” He hummed, licking his lips, and you followed the path of his tongue as it wet the skin like a hungry feline.

“Which superior?” You asked, mindlessly picking at the fabric of the velour couch beneath you. “The one you were here with last time? With the white hair?”

When the man knit his brows together, you froze up. Shit. I just gave myself away.

There was a brief, tense pause, during which you tried to focus on the music playing from the speakers, the jazzy tune, the faint remnants of a song playing in the showroom outside and up the hall, the wallpaper – anything but him. 

“Yes, that would be him,” He answered, finally. He seemed to be… intrigued by you. Yes, that’s what it was – his half-lidded amber gaze lingered on your face for a moment too long. “You’re very perceptive.”

You cleared your throat. “So, this job of yours… do you like it?”

“I despise it,” He sighed, like he had been waiting his entire life to confess those words. “But, at least, I figure I’m doing something meaningful with my life. You could say I’m a professor on the side.”

I already know that, You thought. Still, he didn’t have to know you knew.

“It’s a demanding job, but I enjoy feeling like I’ve made a difference,” He continued on. “Unfortunately, after the incident, I had to take some time away from the kids to recover.”

“You seem to enjoy teaching,” You answered back, perching your chin on your hand against the back of the couch. 

“Sometimes,” He replied. “Other times, the work can be unbearable,” He looked up, then, pretty brown eyes on yours in a way that had your heart skipping more than a couple of beats. You could practically feel the way they burned right through your extroverted facade, saw past the layers of glitter and scanty clothes and deep into the abyss in your chest. See who you really were. 

It was him who turned to you, then, asking you, “What about you?”

“Me?” You asked, just to make sure you’d heard him correctly. A client? Caring about your experience at work? That was… dizzyingly rare. 

“Yes, you,” He reiterated with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips. “Do you enjoy working here?”

Do I…? You took a moment to consider your answer. You could lie to him – preserve the perfect, sexual image the women in your company were expected to uphold. That was always an option. But, the moment you peered into those all-knowing, tired eyes of his, you found that you didn’t have it in you to lie to him. No, not when he had been so honest with you.

No one’s ever asked me that before.

Before you could catch yourself, the words were already leaving your lips. “Not really, but it pays the bills.”

His eyes softened at that. He didn’t look the least bit upset by your words. If anything, he looked as if he had grown suddenly tender with a sense of understanding. Women didn’t often join your line of work. Not unless they were desperate for money. He seemed mature enough to realize that – to see right past the fantasy you were supposed to paint for him and peer into your eyes like windows into your soul. One look at him, and you knew he didn’t see you as a dancer.

He saw you as a person. As a woman.

You broke the moment with a hum, “Why don’t you keep telling me about your week?” You asked, changing the subject, shifting the conversation back into comfortable territory.

The rest of the half-hour with Nanami flew by like a fleeting dream. He spoke with a quiet ease, his voice low and steady, yet somehow captivating. He complained about the inefficiencies at work—endless meetings that led nowhere, piles of paperwork that seemed to multiply overnight, and colleagues who turned simple tasks into impossible challenges. Yet, when he talked about his students, something in his tone softened, revealing a warmth that made your chest ache. You found yourself asking questions, small ones at first, but each answer drew him out more. The way he spoke—measured, thoughtful, with just the faintest edge of weariness—made you want to listen forever. For someone who seemed so guarded, he had a surprising amount to say, and you realized how much you liked hearing him talk.

You didn’t even notice how much time had passed until a sharp knock interrupted the quiet cocoon of your conversation.

“Donnie? You okay in there? Your 30 was up ten minutes ago.” 

It was your coworker.

“I’m good!” You called back, swinging your legs off of Nanami’s lap, turning to him with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I completely lost track of time.”

“No, it’s alright. I should have been checking my watch,” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, long fingers combing through the buzzed, blonde strands of his undercut like wind blowing through a field of wheat. Then, after glancing down at his watch, he stood up, cleared his throat, and straightened out his suit jacket. “Thank you for your time.”

You hadn’t moved from your spot on the couch, brows furrowed. “That’s it?”

You had half expected him to extend the time. The conversation was going so well, you had silently found yourself hoping that he would lean over and do something – place his strong hand on your thigh, brush his fingers up your arm, anything. No-touching policy be damned.

You would make an exception for him. Men that fine don’t just grow on trees.

So, trying your best to lure him back in, you kicked one leg over the other, crawling into a sexy pose on the couch. In the most sultry tone you could manage, you breathed, “Is that really all you wanted?”

Please ask me for a lapdance, You found yourself wishing internally. 

He paused, looking back at you like he wasn’t the least bit phased by the sexy pose or the outfit or… well, anything. “Yes, why?”

“Nothing, I don’t know, I just… You spent so much money tonight to be here,” You uttered, suddenly bashful when he was peering down at you like that – he was so much taller than you, a height gap that was only emphasized by your seated position on the couch below him. You imagined you would have to stand on the tips of your toes to be at eye level with his neck, maybe his chin. Mindlessly, you caressed the couch. “I figured you would have at least wanted a lap dance, or something.”

“I’m not going to make you do something that neither of us are interested in doing,” He said, sliding his hands down over his slacks to straighten out the creases that had formed in them where your legs had been resting only a moment earlier. “Sex is free. It’s rare to find someone who’s willing to listen.”

You sat there, stunned into silence, still in that sexy pose on the couch, your body frozen in the aftermath of his words. His calm, unbothered demeanor completely threw you off balance, leaving you scrambling to make sense of what had just happened. Men like him didn’t come in here looking for conversation. They came in here for fantasies, for attention, for touch. But not him. 

“Thank you for everything,” he said softly, bowing his head slightly in a gesture so gentlemanly it made your stomach twist. Then, without another word, he moved to the door, unlocking it with smooth precision. 

You didn’t even have time to gather yourself before he slipped out, leaving you sitting there in your sultry pose, legs crossed, mouth slightly open. The sound of the door closing behind him echoed in the room, final and undeniable.

You blinked, your mind racing, the moment replaying over and over in your head. Did I just get… emotionally blue-balled? 

The thought hit you like a ton of bricks, both incredulous and a little amused at how absurdly fitting it was. You flopped back against the couch, your sultry act forgotten, staring up at the ceiling as the jazzy tune from the speakers drifted lazily through the air.

For the first time, a client had left you feeling something you couldn’t quite put into words. You couldn’t decide if you were more annoyed, intrigued, or just completely thrown off your game.

All you knew was that you wanted more.

DARREN: Hey imu.

DARREN: U busy tn?

YOU: I’m working but I get out early. Y.

DARREN: let me pick u up after work

DARREN: maybe i can help you ease some of that stress.

Darren rolled off of you with a huff and an exhale, proud of himself. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the backside of his elbow, sighing, “That was great. Did you cum?”

“Yeah,” You liked straight through your teeth. Feeling vulnerable, you reached for your shirt and slipped it back on. There was a point in time where the two of you would sleep skin-to-skin after sex. A point in time long ago, of course, but you couldn’t help but reflect. Now, all that was left was a feeling of discomfort where the intimacy used to be. 

He flopped down onto the bed next to you, throwing his arm around your waist. Not moving a muscle, you trained your gaze on the ceiling above, hoping that maybe, if you spent enough time counting the dots in his popcorn ceiling, he would see that you did not, in fact, enjoy the experience. You doubted he would do anything to fix it even if he did know.

52, 53, 54.

You had been counting for the past five minutes – thirty seconds after he had grunted the words, “Let’s do missionary” into your ear before flipping you over. Truthfully, you hadn’t wanted to do missionary. That would mean that he could see you and, more importantly, that you had to look at him. So, to pass time and to avoid his gaze, you looked up at the ceiling, allowing yourself to be carried away by the tides of pleasure that his strokes gave you.

55, 56, 57.

He buried his nose in the crook of your neck, inhaling. “You smell like a man’s cologne.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “I work at a strip club.”

With a groan, Darren rolled onto his back, finally putting a comfortable distance between you and him. “Don’t remind me. I’ve been telling you that you’re wasting your talents at a place like that.”

Your jaw tightened. There it was, the same old Darren: judgment wrapped in concern, but laced with the unspoken assumption that he knew what was best for you.

You slipped off the bed, grabbing your phone from the nightstand. The cool floor against your bare feet helped ground you.

Unlocking your phone, you typed a message to Nobara, your roommate: 

Can you come get me? I’m at my ex’s.

The response came almost instantly: 

Girl, r u srs?

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard before you replied: 

I’ll explain later, ik, just pls… I wanna gtfo of here.

Sliding the phone into the pocket of your hoodie, you turned back to Darren. He was staring at the ceiling now, one arm slung across his chest, his fingers idly tapping against his bicep. For a moment, you hesitated. The familiarity of this scene—him in his sweatpants, you in one of his old T-shirts—was a cruel reminder of how things used to be. But you weren’t that girl anymore.

“I think I should go,” you said, breaking the silence.

Darren’s head snapped toward you. “No, wait,” he said, sitting up. His hair was tousled, his expression almost pleading. “Please… I really want you to stay.”

You crossed your arms, keeping your distance. “Why?”

“Because…” He raked a hand through his hair, his voice quieter now. “I don’t know. I thought things were going good between us.”

You blinked, then let out a short, humorless laugh. “Things? Darren, I come here, we have sex, and then I leave. That’s it. That’s all this is.”

“Is that all I am to you?” His voice carried a tinge of desperation, his eyes searching yours.

You tilted your head, studying him. “Or maybe,” you said slowly, “you’re asking if there’s any chance of us getting back together.”

“Yeah.” His voice cracked slightly, and he swallowed hard. “Is there?”

You laughed again, colder this time, shaking your head. “No. There isn’t.”

His jaw clenched, and he looked away for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was sharp. “That’s not fair. I’ve done so much for you—”

“Done so much?” Your voice rose, and you stepped closer, anger bubbling to the surface. “You don’t give me shit but dick and attitude, Darren.”

He flinched, but you didn’t stop. “You wanna know what’s not fair? The fact that you went and knocked me up and then forced me to have an abortion. Where the hell were you during that, huh? Seeing as you’ve done so much for me?”

He sat frozen, his lips parting as if to speak, but no words came out. His eyes darted toward the floor, guilt pooling in their depths.

“And you wanna know what’s really unfair?” Your voice cracked, but you didn’t care. The words spilled out like a flood you couldn’t contain. “The fact that you fucking cheated on me when I needed you the most. That’s what’s not fair, Darren.”

Darren stared at you, his face contorted with frustration. “That’s not fucking fair,” he snapped, his voice rising.  

“Oh, fuck you, Darren,” you shot back, your hands trembling as you pointed at him. “What else do I have to do to show you I’m done? What else do I have to say?”  

“I’m trying!” he yelled, stepping closer. “I’ve been fucking trying! But nothing I do is ever good enough for you, is it? You’re so goddamn impossible!”  

You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. “You call this trying? You call cheating, lying, and gaslighting me trying?”  

“God, you’re such a fucking idiot,” he spat, his words sharp enough to cut. “You act like you’re perfect, like you’ve never made a mistake in your goddamn life.”  

“I’m not perfect, Darren,” you hissed, stepping forward, your voice shaking with anger. “But at least I own my shit. At least I don’t treat the people I love like they’re disposable!”  

“Oh?” he scoffed, throwing his hands in the air. “You think you’re so much better than me? You’re the one who keeps coming back. So what does that make you, huh?”  

The room was thick with tension, and for a moment, neither of you moved. Then he muttered under his breath, “Pathetic.”  

Your blood boiled. “What did you just say?”  

“You heard me,” he said, his tone dripping with venom.  

“Fuck you, Darren!” you screamed, shoving him hard against the chest.  

His expression darkened. “You don’t get to do that,” he snarled.  

Before you could react, he grabbed your wrist and pushed you away. The force of it sent you stumbling back, and you hit the edge of the dresser, pain shooting up your arm as you fell to the floor.  

“Wait, I…” His face shifted, panic flickering in his eyes. He took a step toward you, his hand outstretched.  

You scrambled to your feet, holding your arm where it throbbed. “You know what? I’m done.” Your voice was quieter now, but no less firm. “I’m done, Darren.”  

“Wait—”  

“No!” you shouted, cutting him off. “Go fuck yourself!”  

“Please,” he said, his voice cracking. “Don’t let us go. We had something special. You know that.”  

You stared at him, disbelief flooding your chest. Then you laughed—a cruel, hollow sound. “If you thought this was anything more than sex, then you’re the fucking idiot.”  

He opened his mouth to argue, but you were already grabbing your stiletto boots from the floor.  

“We can make it work,” he said desperately, following you as you stormed out of his apartment.  

“Make it work?” you echoed, spinning around to face him as you reached his car. “Make it work?” You hefted one of your boots in your hand. “Make this fucking work!”  

Before he could respond, you hurled the boot at his car window. The glass shattered on impact, the sound ringing out like a scream in the still night.  

The car alarm blared, its shrill wailing cutting through the silence. Darren stood frozen, his mouth agape.  

“Shit,” he muttered, rushing toward the car.  

You grabbed your other boot and slung it over your shoulder. “Fix that, asshole!” you yelled as you walked away, the sound of the alarm trailing behind you.  

“Her!” Darren called after you, but you didn’t turn around.  

You kept walking, the cold air biting at your skin, the adrenaline coursing through you keeping you upright. Your arm throbbed where you’d hit it, but you didn’t stop. You didn’t look back.  

You made it about halfway home before the exhaustion hit you like a freight train. Your legs wobbled, and you collapsed onto the curb, cradling your arm as the tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over.  

Your phone buzzed weakly in your pocket. Nobara’s name lit up the screen.  

“Where the hell are you?” she demanded as you answered, her voice sharp but tinged with worry.  

You gave her your location, your words slurred with exhaustion and pain. “I can’t— I just can’t walk anymore.”  

“Stay put,” she said firmly. “I’m coming to get you.”  

By the time her car pulled up, you were slumped against a lamppost, your eyes half-closed. Nobara jumped out, wrapping her jacket around your shoulders as she helped you to your feet.  

“What the hell happened?” she asked, her tone softer now.  

You shook your head, too drained to explain. “I’m hungry. I’ll tell you later.”  

“Let’s stop and get you something to eat,” She didn’t press further, guiding you into the car. As the city lights blurred past, you stared out the window, the events of the night replaying in your mind like a bad dream.  

The car was warm, the quiet hum of the heater and the golden glow of streetlights spilling through the windshield easing the tension in your chest. You cradled your injured arm as Nobara maneuvered through the drive-thru, shooting you occasional glances.  

“You want the usual?” she asked as she pulled up to the intercom.  

“Yeah. Large fries, nuggets, and a Coke,” you murmured, leaning your head back against the seat.  

She placed the order, and soon you were pulling into a parking spot under the dim glow of the lot’s overhead lights. The smell of greasy goodness filled the car as she handed you the bag, cracking open a box of nuggets for herself.  

“So,” she said, dipping a nugget into a cup of barbecue sauce. “You gonna tell me what the hell happened back there, or do I just have to assume you went full-on ‘Carrie’ at prom?”  

You snorted, the first genuine laugh you’d had all night. “Something like that.”  

“Well, shit.” She popped the nugget into her mouth. “Guess I missed a show.”  

You sighed, staring at the fries in your lap. “It’s over. For real this time.”  

“Good,” Nobara said firmly. “That guy was a walking red flag.”  

“Yeah, yeah,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Speaking of red flags…” You smirked as an idea popped into your head. “You’ll never believe what happened at work today.”  

Her eyes narrowed as she dunked another nugget. “Oh, this should be good. Spill.”  

You leaned back, a grin playing on your lips. “I got booked for a private room.”  

Nobara froze mid-bite. “I thought you didn’t do those?”  

“I don’t,” you said, shrugging. “But they offered me a shit ton of money. Guess who it was.”  

Her brows furrowed in confusion. “Who?”  

You couldn’t help but draw it out for dramatic effect. “Your teacher.”  

Her jaw dropped, and the nugget in her hand fell back into the box. “No way, Bitch.”  

You nodded, trying to keep a straight face.  

“What did he want? Is he, like, a total pervert or something?”  

You laughed, shaking your head. “No, actually. He just wanted someone to talk to.”  

Nobara blinked, clearly baffled. “Huh.”  

“I know, right?” you said, grabbing a nugget. “Easiest money I’ve ever made.”  

“Damn,” she muttered, chewing thoughtfully. “I never took him as the emotional type.”  

“Don’t go telling your friends, though,” you warned, wagging a finger at her. “He told me some pretty heavy shit.”  

Nobara tensed, her expression flickering with something you didn’t catch as you reached for your Coke. “Like what?”  

You laughed, shaking your head. “Like hell if I’d tell you.”  

“Oh, come on!” she said, pouting dramatically. “I won’t tell anyone!”  

You smirked, leaning back in your seat. “I’m not risking it. Client confidentiality or whatever.”  

“Ugh, you’re no fun,” she groaned, but there was a smile tugging at her lips.  

You both sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the car filled with the sound of crinkling wrappers and occasional laughter.  

“Hey,” Nobara said suddenly, looking at you out of the corner of her eye. “You’re okay, right?”  

You hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. I think I will be.”  

She smiled, a small, genuine one. “Good. ‘Cause if you ever go back to that asshole, I’m slashing his tires.”  

You laughed, the sound bubbling up before you could stop it. “Deal.”  

As you both dug into the last of the nuggets, the weight of the night seemed to lift, replaced by the warmth of greasy food and a friend who always had your back.

a/n: and there she is! my first update in like a year lol. lmk what you thought! tell me what you would like to see in the story, who knows, i might be able to incorporate it in! Thank you all for your lovely comments. I loveee reading them.

comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

I obviously do not own jjk or anything related to it. I can't find the artist, but if you know them pls dm for credits!!! please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

taglist: @missphanosaur18 , @bontensbabygirl, @megumissunshine, @chocoyanchan, @littlelovebug98, @lucisimpongod, @xochyw, @jaegerstan222 , @electro-supremacy, @mellytheteddy, @clover0310 , @soraya-daydreams, @priussy, @insanehumantinker, @staygoldsquatchling02, @nonksity, @hinata7346, @chososwhoresblog, @ynjimenez , @soraya-daydreams , @nonksity , @hinata7346 , @armani78 , @mindurownbussines , @sad-darksoul , @sasuke-slut , @yuunie135 , @bratkuna , @aydene , @mshope16 , @pretentiousteentrash , @galactict3a , @kokos-property , @moonriseoverkyoto , @lyn-soso , @arilostie , @violetmatcha , @markleeisdabestdrug , @erensdior , @hp-simp505 , @fushiguro-kyuuuuuu , @bontensbabygirl , @switch-godess , @honey-yuh , @ddotsie

wanna join the taglist? | my kinda love; chapter index

[lurkingshan]

Random QL Superlatives: 2024 Edition

My friends! It is time once again to reflect back on the year and give out some random ass awards to the things that gave me joy in the many QLs I watched.

In no particular order, this year’s winners:

Best Long Term Glow Up: Off Jumpol as Jane in The Trainee

I've been simping for Jumpol since the Puppy Honey days, because I know potential when I see it! This year the rest of y'all finally caught up with me and realized this man is aging like a fine wine. We all won!

Most Valuable Prop: Aoyanagi Hajime Standee, I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama

Will anything ever make me laugh as hard as Akafuji opening the door to Aoyanagi Hajime while holding an Aoyanagi Hajime standee and then running for his life, standee tucked under his arm, to escape the mortification? If so, it's def another joke from this show.

Best Heart Destroying Angst: Every Moment of Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

Sometimes you just want a show to break your heart into a million tiny pieces and then stitch it back together, and there is no better version of that experience this year than this beautiful show.

Wackiest Premise That Somehow Works: Caged Again

Whomst could have predicted that a BL about a penguin who turns into a human, goes to high school, and falls in love with a panther would be one of the sweetest, most compelling stories of the year.

Most Precious Bean: Taishin, Takara's Treasure

Just look at his cute little face!! My son has never done anything wrong in his life. He's adorable and I won't hear a word against him.

Drama Child of the Year: Young San, Century of Love

My soul fully tried to leave my body every time this child appeared on screen. I must congratulate this child actor--his name is Chayanan Akkharadumrongdet--on perfectly embodying the spirit of an old man trapped in a tiny body. Give this boy an award!

Best Love Theme: Di Inakala by Paul Pablo, Marahuyo Project

Such a gorgeous song, first used while King reads Ino's letter and realizes Ino has feelings for him. Hits me right in the chest every time I hear it.

Best Sex Scene - Almond and Latte's first time, Knock Knock Boys

Everyone else can throw in the towel, this is the best depiction of a loving but awkward first time that will ever be committed to film.

Star of My Vision Board: Yako, She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat

Oprah said it best: “She is the mother I never had, she is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves. I don't know a better person.”

Outstanding Achievement in Old Man Yaoi: Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

It's not every day that a show manages to sell you on a 20+ year age gap, but this one did it without breaking a sweat and had us all rooting for Ishida to eat that old man up with a spoon.

Best Sight Gag: Rock Lifting Karan Over His Shoulder, Cherry Magic Thailand

Is it the way Rock bends down and grabs him with no warning? The way Karan still does a polite wai over his shoulder? The way Dujdao scurries after them? Idk but it's been 10 months and I am still laughing.

Best Absolute Mindfuck: Love for Love's Sake

Sometimes a scene from this drama will flash through my mind and I'll have to spend a few minutes just staring at the wall, and that's how you know it was damn good.

Most Brainrot Inducing: Unknown

The way this story had a chokehold on my brain for three entire months was no joke.

Swooniest Love Interest: Mahasamut, Love Sea

Just look at this glorious man! And on top of all that visual splendor, he's kind and generous and brave and smart and competent and high key a smart ass. In this house we love Mahasamut!

Best Classic Watch: The Miracle of Teddy Bear

The most delightfully surprising watch of the year for me, and a great reminder to never, ever trust anything MDL commenters say about a show.

Y'all know the drill: feel free to join in and post your own superlatives, and please tag me if you do!

[fem-floral]

Bed Chem - Pezzy x Reader

Summary: Reader is a famous musician performing their hit song, Bed Chem, with a special surprise at the end.

cw: f!reader, suggestive material

AN: Heavily inspired by @chaos-chloe's fic Juno! Thought I'd try my hand at one of my favorite songs from Sabrina Carpenter, ending pose inspired from the Nashville show!

-

As I was finishing laying my heart on stage during “Lie To Girls”, I caught a glimpse of the security guard at the end of the stage signal to Pezzy with a discreet thumbs up which he returned.

The lights go down low as we all get in our spots for one of my favorite numbers, “Bed Chem”. It’s all about love, sultriness, and embodying the sexiest part of ourselves. My outfit, with the little see-through shawl, is so cute and adds the perfect amount of sexy coverage.

As I hear the opening beats, I get into position laying on the round bed cornered on the stage. My dancers, strutting along with the screen curtains, closing them as we get a little steamy for this next song.

I smile at the camera hidden above me while my picture blooms on the screens to my adoring audience. 

If Pezzy’s jaw could drop any farther, it would be on the floor like a cartoon character. He looks to the guys, eyes almost bulging out, in adoration for his girlfriend. The guys were wearing big smiles in support of their best friend, Grizzy patting his back hard out of excitement.

“Bro, look at your girl!” Grizzy says.

“I was expecting a lot but this is even better,” Pezzy said, turning into the widest smile he could muster.

Feeling the energy from the crowd, I wink towards the camera as I began the first verse.

“I was in a sheer dress the day that we met

We were both in a rush, we talked for a sec”

I sang, switching my arm and leg positions to add some alluring energy to my performance.

“You're friendin' me up so we could connect

And what are the odds? You sent me a text”

I sang, thinking about how Pezzy and I first met. I was good friends with Grizzy for a few years due to our music connection, featuring on some of his unreleased beats he was working on. I ended up over their house for a party they were throwing and Pezzy immediately caught my eye. 

We talked for hours at that party and the next day, he added me on everything, including Discord, and we got to chatting. A lot.

“And now the next thing I know, I'm like

Manifest that you're oversized

I digress, got me scrollin' like

Out of breath, got me goin' like”

I can’t lie, the second he followed me I did a little deep dive on his Instagram. This line reigns true to exactly how I felt seeing his posts for the first time. How adorable his smile was, how big that mirror is…

As I continue the vocals, I turn to the opening on the bed as the curtains open up to reveal me to the audience for the first time. I am greeted by the roars of screams of my fans.

“Who's the cute boy with the white jacket

And the thick accent? Like

Ooh (ah)”

My brain immediately goes to my love for Pezzy’s fashion sense. His countless jackets, my favorite being his varsity ones, were my inspiration. He always shows up and out when planning his outfits; simple but stylish.

“Maybe it's all in my head

But I bet we'd have really good bed chem”

My dancers (aka best friends) joined me on the bed on stage, pulling off their choreography seamlessly. I join them in the movements, feeling like I’m floating with adrenaline, being able to do the job I love, performing for the love of my life.

“How you pick me up, pull 'em down, turn me 'round, oh, it just makes sense

How you talk so sweet when you're doin' bad things”

One of my favorite lines, I make eye contact with Pezzy right in front of me, signaling a spark between us that is only getting stronger. I hold the contact with him for the next few lines as I get on all fours, seeing a slight smirk on his face.

“That's bed (bed) chem (chem)

How you're lookin' at me, yeah, I know what that means and I'm obsessed

Are you free next week? I bet we'd have really good-”

My girls come file next to and behind me getting ready for the next verse, a cheeky play on words that seems to be in everyone’s head. 

“Come ride on me, I mean, camaraderie

Said you're not in my time zone but you wanna be

Where art thou? Why not upon-eth me?

See it in my mind, let's fulfill the prophecy”

The teasing choreography only added to the screams of the audience. Hearing the audience sing my lyrics back to me was even more fulfilling, bringing a sense of joy and fun to humans that want to let loose and embrace our connection of love.

“Who's the cute guy with the wide, blue eyes

And the big bad mm? Like”

I twirl my hair around my finger, finding Pezzy again in the audience, looking for his bright eyes. Every one of our movements are calculated and I especially needed that calculated look to be right on him for this song.

“I know it sound a bit redundant”

I sing, as I drop it low, legs spread, eyes on him. The audience is quite hard to see in this lighting but I think you could see his jaw drop from across the arena. His jaw drop turned into his cheeky smile he does, his tongue caught in his teeth, as he shakes his head at me in disbelief.

But I bet we'd have really good bed chem”

My male dancers joined me on stage, about to take their respective  partners of my girl dancers for the rest of the song, producing their own pretend “bed chem” on stage.

“How you pick me up, pull 'em down, turn me 'round, oh, it just makes sense (just makes sense)

How you talk so sweet when you're doin' bad things

That's bed (bed) chem (oh, that's bed chem)

How you're lookin' at me, yeah, I know what that means and I'm obsessed (so obsessed)

Are you free next week? I bet we'd have really good (bed chem)”

I look around at my girls on the bed with the biggest smiles on their faces as we roll around the bed, hitting the sexiest poses we could think of, hitting each beat as I deliver my next lines.

“And I bet we'd both arrive at the same time (bed chem)

And I bet the thermostat's set at six-nine (bed chem)

And I bet it's even better than in my head (my, ooh)”

During the interlude of the song, we do a little choreography laying on the bed as the camera comes back above us. 

Pezzy gives a goofy salute to the boys as he gets over the barricade they were standing at. They all look at him like he was crazy, Grizzy trying to grab his shoulder but decides against it because he knows what he’s doing. Right?

The security guard escorts him to the side of the stage quickly so he can make his big cue. Girls are screaming as they see him being escorted, wondering what was going on. 

As I deliver the vocals for the last chorus, we come back to the audience as my girls slowly slink off the bed to go to their stage partners. 

I look out at the audience and make out the figures of the guys, minus one, knowing my plan is in action. At this point, Pezzy is backstage, holding the camera that will cast his perspective of me to my enamoured fans.

I am the last one on the bed, getting out of the straddle position I was in. I look in the side mirror and catch the eyes of Pezzy, waiting for his turn with the most evil smile I have ever seen on him. It was one of pride, mischief, and love in his smile and eyes. 

I smirk back, milking the situation we are in as much as I can. Looking at myself in the back mirror, I get on all fours and push my butt out to the audience which was met with screams from everyone.

Pezzy sneaks out from behind the set with his camera, making sure to get some good angles (as I told him to do) which are shown on the big screens.

“Oh shit!” As if it couldn’t get more distinct in voices, we could tell it was Droid and Grizzy screaming for us. Puffer just stood astounded that 1) Pezzy is doing this and 2) he’s doing it in front of thousands of people. 

He’s in front of thousands of people on the daily for streams, but this? Never would’ve seen it coming.

I mouth ‘Hi baby’ and wave to the camera between my vocalizations before the camera cuts out and the curtains close on the bed.

Only left with our silhouettes, I grab his face and give him a quick but big kiss before doing our rehearsed ending sequence.

I grab the fuzzy handcuffs from under one of the pillows and wave them in his face. He grabs them from my hand and pushes me down on the bed and spreads my legs and moves closer on his knees to me.

Too quickly, the silhouette fades and is replaced by a kiss print to save the rest to imagination.

We ran backstage since I have to go do a quick change for the next segment of the show but not before I planted a big kiss and hug on him.

“You were so incredible,” Pezzy says, bear hugging me. 

“Thank you, I really am so happy you did this, you make me so happy,” I say, holding his cheeks.

He kisses me on the forehead as he goes back with the security guard back to their spots in the audience. He was met back with aggressive head rubs and pats on the back for their buddy, ready for whatever more the show has to offer.

[xoxoamyas]

rating : fluffy headcanons + drabbles, use of petnames on reader [ darling and love ]

dating wilbur soot headcanons !

note : i thought i'd give headcanons / drabbles a try. i have a few ideas for other characters, but i'm unsure as to if i should format them like this or as oneshots. either way, i'll figure it out. i hope you enjoy !

masterlist [ ☆ ]

⋆˙⟡

— he's the type to hold your hand whenever, whether or not you're dating. in the store? he'll randomly reach for your hand and hold it. if your arms are full, he'll take some items off your hands and take your freshly free hand in his own free hand.

— he loves holding you in general. his favourite way to hold you is by wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. he’ll also wrap his arm around your shoulder at random, especially if he notices someone making you uncomfortable.

— he loves singing soft songs to you, whether or not it's a song he made. he loves laying with you after a long day and softly humming or singing you to sleep, especially. he absolutely adores it when you do it for him in return, but he won’t say so.

— he’s not the type to get jealous, he trusts you wholeheartedly, but he’ll get jealous if he sees someone you're not related to get particularly touchy with you.

“Darling? Oh, hello, am I interrupting?” Wilbur had just walked over, moving to hold your hand in one of his own as his other arm wrapped around your shoulders.

The person you had been talking to had instantly grown tense and backed off, seeing how touchy Wilbur instantly had been with you when they had to work up to grazing your arm or hold one of your hands. Not missing the usage of “darling”, either.

“No, we were just chatting.” You answered with ease, unaware of the mood shift from the other person as you leaned into Wilbur.

“Yeah, just chatting. I actually have to go, my friends are waiting on me.” They dismiss, offering no more than a small wave and hardly any time for a chance to respond before they leave.

Wilbur places a kiss on your cheek right after, moving to properly wrap his arms around your waist. “They left quickly.” You had grumbled under your breath with a slight huff, clearly not realizing they had been flirting with you.

“It's alright, let's go get something to snack on, love.”

— he's definitely the type to randomly throw tiny things at you. he'll throw a random piece of popcorn during a movie at home. when you're reading he'll ball up a ripped piece of paper and throw it at you. the only things he'll properly hand to you are important objects, like a tamagotchi.

— speaking of tamagotchi, he'll definitely at some point co-parent one with you. he names it together with you and will switch with you throughout the day. when he goes on tour, if you don’t come with him, he lets you keep it.

— he’s definitely written songs about and for you. whether it's a soft song about the morning spent together or a song about your ups and downs, it’s written with attention and love. he usually likes to get your opinion on the songs he’s written, but he’ll wait until the songs for you are completely done.

— when you do decide to go on tour with him, he's completely smitten and ecstatic to bring you along. you get along well with Ash, Joe, and Mark and usually go souvenir shopping and get Wilbur a gift. he's definitely had you step on stage to dance with him at least once if you were too shy to sing.

Wilbur lets out a breath, feeling like he was the embodiment of power and euphoria. His eyes go to his band mates just behind him on the stage, momentarily blocking out the crowd before his eyes land on you, just behind the curtain. A familiar loving look falls over his features as he smiles that one smile specifically for you, raising a hand and motioning you over.

They were already getting ready for their next song, but he had a sense of urgency to be close to you. When you shake your head with a clearly obviously nervous smile, he walks away from his position. Behind the curtain, his hands would find your own as his lips press to yours for even just a second before he's gently tugging you along as he steps back out onto the open stage.

He loves when you fold and join him, especially when you slip into what seemed like a natural role on stage. He can't bring himself to do anymore than take long glances when he starts talking or singing once more. Wilbur felt like his breath was taken away more and more with each passing second, yet not from the crowd or the singing.

[r4bbitmilk]

⚠️ SPOILER WARNING: WINDBREAKER STAGE PLAY⚠️ 

I finally watched wbstage last Sunday!! (but only once, on my phone, with no earphones, while walking with my family at the mall, with my shitty phone signal cutting off every few scenes, but I watched it nonetheless!!!) Here's a dump of my thoughts for anyone interested!!! (It's all glazing)

The stage play was a beautiful and honestly refreshing adaptation from the original material, like even as a person who's watched the anime about 30 times and reread the manga 3 times, this was new and exciting?! I know exactly how the story goes and yet i also didn't?? I don't know. I never in my life thought I needed the wb boys to sing.

And the song genre choices were SUPERB! I loved the funky, kind of pop-leaning(?) music Furin had, while Shishitoren had cool hip-hop and breakdancing, it suit their respective teams' images so well! I also loved the set designs and lighting that even in their simplicity really conveyed the feeling of the originals so well! The warmth of Cafe Pothos, the dark intimidating tunnel between Furin-Shishitoren territory,,, even the arena at The Cage!!!

One of my faves: Nirei's actor was incredible! Completely embodied the little sunshine ball's energy with how he'd run all over the face while talking to Skr. Seeing the "teppen made!!" (to the top!!!) scene again "for the first time" made me tear up!! Such a precious moment.... I really treasure Nirei's frienship with Skr, and his admiration for Skr was palpable imo!!

I also was really impressed by Hiragi!! Truthfully, I don't really have strong feelings for his character, but the coolness of his actor during the play (and the antics he had with Umemiya between scenes lol WHY DID HE THROW HIM TO THE FLOOR HAHA) was so endearing!! Shark mama perhaps I was too harsh on you!! He also really put his all into Tamonshu's intro dance I couldnt help laughing ngl. Like WHAT FOR

Speaking of Umemiya aaaaa he was so cool. His intro was so cute, like a children's song with rainbows and silly choreography, yet when Choji showed up and challenged him there was a certain edge to his voice where he growls some notes in his songs and you could feel that hidden rage Manga and Anime Umemiya showed as well. I also loved his laugh!! That man is a carbon copy of the real Ume!!! Nii-chan 🥺

MEANWHILE CHOJI AAAA I admit I was not the biggest fan of him, especially when I first started watching. I felt a bit of closeness to him after the sstrn VS bfrn battle because I resonated with his loneliness, but overall, he's far from my favorite. BUT STAGEPLAY CHOJI?! That energy was contagious!!! It was so cute!!! The way he flopped over and napped and hung off a chair out of boredom during the fights before his own AAAA IT WAS SO CUTE I forgive you now Choji,,,, we're friends,,, good friends in fact,,,,

Suo is Suo.

Ok but he was really pretty and the fight with Kanuma WAS SO WELL CHOREOGRAPHED Kanuma was the goat for heavy lifting the dance and flopping his body around to make Suo look extra graceful. Hilariously painful performance. I could FEEL the evilness Suo exuded in that scene PHYSICALLY. He's so beautiful and I need him executed (affectionate).

AND STNK'S TOGAME I CANT. I DONT HAVE WORDS. HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL. HIS VOICE IS EXACTLY TOGAME'S AND HIS PERFORMANCE WAS STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ANIME. He breathed life and soul into Tgm and then added his own special Stnk spice to it (totally not a biased review I just really like Togame and me and oomfs replayed his scenes maybe a billion times.)

And ofcourse,,,,, Sakura,,,,,,

God if I wasn't already in love with him before,,,, iskw's performance was breathtaking. He had that perfect blend of cocky confident childishness with the kind of "fuck it" attitude only a guy who's already been through the worst of it can have,,,,, and his voice is deeper than Yuuma's (WHO I LOVE, BTW. ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVE VOICE ACTORS) and gave Skr a more mature vibe AND THE FIGHT WITH TGSK WAS MAGNIFICENT BECAUSE HE (and Stnk!!) WAS SO GOOD AT AMPING UP TENSION AAA the scene where Tgm holds Skr by the collar and talks in his face,,,, Iskw staring right into Stnk's eyes,,,, good god,,,,,, [redacted omegaverse thoughts].

Overall that was such a solid stageplay!!! Thank you SO much to my twt mutuals that invited me to watch with them over Zoom!!! I owe you guys so much aaaa and the screams we had over chat whenever Stnk was on screen!! Core memory<3

I really hope we get more wb stages in the future, because I need that Togame monologue song injected STRAIGHT into my veins and I can only imagine how unhinged and insane an Endo monologue song would be like. God. I'd be on the floor.

If you haven't watched wb stage yet, I highly recommend you do! Aside from a fresh look at the story we've already dissected a million times before (lol), I think the actors did a tremendous job at turning the characters even more "lifelike" with their in-between and off-stage characterizations! I even came to like a few ships more as I watched them interact<3 It definitely deepened my obsession with wb even more!!

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

All the MTC song trailer snippets are out? What are your opinions? :D I think Rio's is surprisingly chill and I'm still torn on Samatoki's, the lyrics might decide that one!

Heyy did you listen to the mtc album snippets ?

Nope. Let's check them out!

Backbone:

Title note: Presumably from 気骨, which has a slightly stronger-- almost noble-- connotation than English "backbone." Someone with 気骨 never lets anything stop them from doing what they believe is right, and not necessarily in the personal sense like in the English phrases "Grow a backbone." or "They have a strong backbone." As some people in this comments section are noting, it's also possible to interpret the title literally. The back is a recurring image in Japanese fiction; in this case, it represents Samatoki single-handedly shouldering various burdens for those he cares about. People are also drawing connections to the Aohitsugi's death motifs and Samatoki's skeleton speaker.

20 seconds in: Okay he literally just says the shouldering burdens bit haha. I guess that part is canon authorial intent

24 seconds in: "Nobody can break my 'backbone.'" If we assume this should be interpreted figuratively, that's like "Nobody can make me do anything I don't believe in." / "Nobody can break my spirit."

35 seconds in: "My 'backbone' is my true strength." This + the traditional Japanese-reminiscent instrumentals remind me of the Katen-gumi. Iirc they have a scroll hanging in their main office proclaiming their dauntlessness, an attribute Samatoki embodies well imo.

53 seconds in: This is a mean-spirited thought, but I always find it funny when Samatoki's like "This god damn city is broken and filthy... *takes a drag from a cigarette*" when the god damn city in question is one of the most affluent in the world.

64 seconds in: With that said, it's nice to see him acknowledging the positive presence he has in Yokohama and vowing to rid it of... whatever ills are plaguing it... taxation and ne'er-do-wells with illegal mics, no doubt. An Ichirou-esque sentiment.

71 seconds in: Props to Asanuma for rhyming jinsei and shinsen so well. "My life is always fresh; this is still just the prologue." Samatoki being receptive to growth? You love to see it. With that said, it's interesting to see the discrepancy between the two ideas of "It's time to change." and "My core values will never change." as we see in this song. I'm not sure how that'll actually play out in canon, so we'll have to wait and see.

Overall: That was fun! It had a nice beat. I look forward to hearing the full song when it drops.

Awake:

Title note: ??? 目覚めた? Like, "I'm woke af now"? Haha let me see what this song is actually about and then come back to this...

Side note: I was staying with a friend-- a buddy from the old scanlation team-- when this song preview dropped, and she was keeping me up to date with this song's delayed release drama. When it finally dropped, she was like "YOOO SLUG, LISTEN TO THIS" and turned her phone waaaay up, blasting the sonorous tones of Mr. Komada into our not at all soundproof hotel room, immediately alerting me to two things: 1. I was not awake enough for this. 2. The illumatic Iruma Jyuto was IN the building and, at that volume, probably in every floor of the building. Anyway, I'm still not awake enough for this, but let's go.

5 seconds in: Love the horns. Very MTC and very Gen III Pokemon. Yokohama 8/10 too much water

20 seconds in: hey hey heeey

30 seconds in: I appreciate the technical skill involved, but I am not comprehending one word of this. I'm going to have to look up the lyrics when I'm done fr.

Overall: Seems fun to rap! Once again, looking forward to the full song.

Top YT comment at the time of writing: Juuto: Y'all never seen me like this before! Me: Yeah, no shit.

Scrolling through the comments: Spare lyrics, ma'am? Spare lyrics for the poor? Jesus, there are some thirsty-ass mofos in this comment section...

Well, I didn't find any lyrics, so here goes watch 2 with a lot of pausing, I guess. Hmm the gist of the chorus seems to be "I'm not fucking around anymore" which-- like someone else has pointed out in the comments-- is kind of how Juuto's been since day one...? I'm not sure what's changed. I suppose the biggest difference would be it's no longer "I'll solve this problem" but "we'll solve this problem." I do like the opening of this first verse: When someone makes bad choices, who's left smiling? Who's left grieving? What is right, and what is wrong? Can that be something for every person to figure out for themselves? Here's another interesting bit: I used to think I didn't have any interest in colluding with other people-- it was more like mutual exploitation. But then I joined hands with a couple of like-minded people, and now we share the goal of victory. Yeah, it seems like the biggest changes here are Juuto embracing teamwork, which hell yeah. Opening up and trusting other people with his mission, in turn taking on their missions and incorporating it into one singular goal? That's baller.

Title note revisited: yeah I guess deadass this is "awake" in terms of "I'm woke now" haha. Or like, "I've come around to [the power of friendship]"

NO WAR:

5 seconds in: Oh, now I get why someone on the Samatoki video called this "Riou's baby-ass song"

22 seconds in: I was NOT prepared for the autotune. I think I'm a little too tired because I found this really, really funny.

30 seconds in: "Conflict isn't entertainment; it's not a show." YOU TELL 'EM, RIOU.

44 seconds in: I always really, really appreciate Riou's unwavering distaste for warfare and conflict even as he considers it something worth devoting his life to. I would sincerely love it if the authors were to ever dive into why Riou has such dedication towards serving in the [whatever] army and whatever cause they were fighting for, but I don't think that's the story the authors want to tell. We probably just have to assume it's for whatever Riou considers to be a morally good cause.

49 seconds in: Ignoring the rhyme-induced silliness of "my buddies are my turret," I like the thematic consistency of each MTC member stressing that they're not alone anymore--that is, that they've given up on their self-imposed solitude--and they have each other to rely on and trust with their backs.

53 seconds in: "Practically brainwashed puppet soldiers" Oh?? Mind expanding on this a little, Hypmic? Again, I doubt the writers are keen to delve into the causes of WWIII or why Riou joined up at all, but the suggestion of propaganda or coercion being involved is tantalizing.

65 seconds in: I like the bit that goes (paraphrased): "What can you see when you look out of your binoculars at base camp? Rifles, revolvers--is that it? Instead of obsessing over who's strong and who's weak, why not be soldier who prays for peace?"

Overall: The lyrics are vaguer and more platitudinous than is my preference, but I fully recognize that my interests in this topic are outside of the scope of the story the writers want to tell. Which is fine! The music is pretty chill; I think I'll like this song when it comes out in full.

My favorite YT comment by a landslide: Thank god he's not making us work out again.

Thank you very much for the asks! :D It's fun to check this stuff out, and I probably wouldn't have done so otherwise.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Role Reversal

Roman kept mentioning that he doesn’t like transformations and it kept reminding me of Patton turning into a giant frog and Janus disguising himself as other sides. It would be very cool and epic if you could make some Roman angst based off this concept (no pressure obviously) – anon

The song "I Am in Great Pain, Please Help Me" by Crywank reminds me so much of Roman (specifically, your brand of Roman angst). I was wondering if you had the spoons for it, to write something inspired by it? No pressure to, ofc! – anon

Perhaps something where Roman is comforting Logan and then after Roman leaves, Logan is like, “Wait, shit, I should have been comforting YOU!”. You know the scene in What Makes A Perfect Gift where Logan asks for Roman’s input and Roman looks genuinely surprised? The angst potential for Roman not thinking he’s needed at a BRAINSTORM is so slept on. I know you’ve had a lot of Roman angst asks lately so I understand if you don’t want to do it, but I definitely wanted to ask just in case! – anon

Roman angst disguised as Logan centric. Logan Sherlock fic about him trying to figure out why Thomas’s mental health is so bad. – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: roman being insecure, logan being insecure

Pairings: logince can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 3143

Logan feels stressed about Thomas's mental health and goes to Roman for help discussing a possible upcoming video, only for Roman to accurately guess that Logan's feeling insecure about his own role in keeping Thomas happy and healthy. Little does Logan know: there's more going on than meets the eye and it isn't until later that he realizes Roman's far more fragile than anyone could've guessed. After that, well, there's really only one course of action.

If Logan had not been paying very, very close attention, there is every possibility that he could have missed it.

He almost did; despite being entirely focused on his goal, he has to admit that it wasn't something he saw as necessarily related, and as such, dismissed initially as not relevant to solving the problem of why Thomas's mental health had been in a steady decline since the wedding. However, upon further reflection, he can conclude that not only was the sudden tightening of Roman's expression related, it was most likely the strongest indicator he's seen since he began.

"Sorry, Specs, I think my hearing cut out of a second there." Roman scratches the back of his head almost sheepishly. "Can you—can you say that one more time?"

"I believe it would be helpful for Thomas for us to do another 'low-key' video, as it were, and for you and I to work together."

"Yes, I heard that part."

"As we want to focus on recapturing some of Thomas's whimsy and zest for life—" here Roman's expression quirks towards amusement— "it would be apt for you to try and recreate some of the dreams Thomas has held onto in the past."

"Right, but not like—"

"Including transforming into those he aspired to be or the roles he aspired to fill," Logan finishes, frowning when there's that momentary tightness in Roman's smile again, "do you concur?"

"I—so I'm all for helping Thomas fall in love with his dreams again, you know, but, um…" He twists his fingers together. "I'm not sure that this is…the best way to do it?"

"You are the embodiment of Thomas's Hopes and Dreams. Who else would be better equipped to help me?"

Roman blinks as if he hadn't been expecting the comment. Which is in and of itself a little odd; Roman typically never passes up the opportunity to remind them of his standing in Thomas's psyche, nor to claim credit for half of the things Thomas does even when it's far more of a group effort. "Right, but I don't see how me turning into various things would be helpful."

"Thomas is a very visual learner. It's been proven in the past via various theater productions and other activities that he thrives in environments where he can immerse himself in what it is he's doing. By having you, his Creativity, directly mimic the dreams he wishes or wished to obtain, we draw a more substantial connection between the Thomas that he is now and the Thomas he aspires to be."

Roman's mouth works. Logan frowns.

"If you have something you want to say, Roman, by all means, speak your mind. This brainstorm won't be nearly as successful if only one of us is contributing."

"Where is this coming from, Logan?"

"I'm not quite sure what you mean."

"This." Roman gestures back and forth between them. "This sudden need to 'fix' Thomas. You've been pretty clear with the rest of us that you don't think staying 'in his head' would be helpful, not when you're working so hard on your lists that you want him to do."

"Well, it's been pretty clear those aren't working, so—"

"But they have been. You know they have been—we all celebrated when Thomas finally managed to clean his kitchen and you were right, he did feel better afterwards. Your methods were working, are working."

Logan swallows. He did feel very accomplished after the last bowl had been placed in the cupboard, and no one had been happier than he when Thomas not only made himself dinner but cleaned up afterwards, but this was different. "Thomas deserves the drive to go after what he wants as well as doing the maintenance required to sustain his current lifestyle."

Roman nods. "And what sorts of things are those?"

"Roman, I don't understand—"

"Please," he interrupts, holding up his hands, "humor me?"

"You're the one who's Hopes and Dreams," he protests feebly, "you're Creativity. I'm not going to be good at coming up with them."

"Just try. You're better at it than you think."

"O-oh." He blinks. "Thank you, Roman."

"Of course."

"Uh—well, I think Thomas has a passion for filmmaking that he hasn't fully realized in shooting the YouTube videos due to the constraints of the channel."

"Okay."

"He's been enjoying doing the modeling shoots for Instagram as well. And he has a few shows that he wants to catch up on—not a dream, I know, but something he wants to do."

"That's good, Logan. What else?"

"Does he still have the dream of being an actor? On a more professional level?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Well, there you are, then."

Roman nods. "And if we go off of your transformation idea, what—what exactly would I be transforming into?"

He furrows his brow. "Well, you would be—if you were doing—I suppose you—ah. I see your point."

"It's not that there's something Thomas isn't that we need to make him into," Roman says quietly, "we can just remind him of the things that are already inside him that he can chase and pursue."

"…that is a very valid conclusion to have reached."

"He doesn't have to work all the time—I think both you and I know the dangers of letting yourself believe you can," he says with a gentle nudge to Logan's shoulder, "he can give himself time to rest and work on things that he wants to, not things that he has to."

"And I suppose making another video would be counterproductive to this aim, as it requires a level of work that would not be outweighed by the reassurance it might provide."

"I don't know if I would've said it nearly as well as you, but yeah, pretty much."

Logan sighs, closing his notebook with an almost despondent flap. "Then I suppose I have nothing else to work on."

"Good."

He frowns at Roman. "'Good?'"

"Well, now that means you can do the things that you want to do."

"M-me? What on earth are you talking about?"

"Did we not just go over how important it is to not be consumed by work all the time?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Did we not just talk about how it's necessary to rest and do the things you want to do from time to time?"

"I don't—"

"Did you not just say that you have nothing else to work on right now?"

"I know what you're doing," he says, meaning for it to come out accusatory and missing dreadfully, "it's not going to work."

"Me convincing you to take time for yourself and enjoy spending your time how you want to spend it isn't going to work?" Roman grins, leaning forward onto his elbows, propping his chin on his hands. "Are you sure?"

"Roman," he warns.

"What? It's not like I was the only one who came to this conclusion about Thomas a second ago, you were instrumental in figuring it out, Specs."

"Roman."

"And we all know that you're way smarter than I am, so if you're going to take your own advice—which you should, then—"

"Alright!" Roman laughs as Logan buries his face in his hands, trying not to smile too obviously at the praise or blush from how many compliments Roman's just given him, "you've made your point, you can stop now."

"I think you mean I've just reiterated your point, but that's alright." A warm hand pats his shoulder. "You're doing great, Logan. You don't have to stress out about this right now. Thomas has earned a break and so have you, okay?"

"…I suppose there are a few things I've been waiting to do that could occupy my time."

"There you go!" Roman claps his hands and gets up, affectionately ruffling Logan's hair and dodging his attempts to swat him. "Let me know how it goes, I'd love to hear about whatever you're working on."

Logan aims another swat at his shoulder and misses, watching Roman sink out. He shakes his head, unable to keep the growing smile off his face as he thinks about his own projects. Yes, there are several things he could do, he could work on refining the data for the experiment, he could read that study he's been eyeing for a few days, he could look over the manuscript he's drafting…

It isn't until he gets back to his room with a different notebook open on his desk that he pauses.

Why had Roman been upset at the suggestion of transformation?

They had agreed upon resting and doing what they wanted, letting Thomas do what he wanted. They had agreed that resting was good, pursuing one's own passions was good. What about transformations had rankled Roman so? He hadn't directly addressed it—something virtually unheard of for Roman. Perhaps it had been something to do with the act of transforming itself? But no, Roman had always been among the first to thrill at being someone else, or pretending to be someone else. What had caused such a dramatic shift?

What sorts of transformations had they done recently? There had been the whole thing with Remus—Logan suppresses a shudder as he remembers Remus's song and everything that happened in it—but Roman had been unconscious for most of it. Aside from that, it had been…

Well, Janus had been transforming into them more often than not, but that was him, mostly, not Roman. And Patton had become the giant frog, but that hadn't really affected Roman that much either. No, the last time Roman had been the one transforming, it had been…for…

Logan stands up, eyes still fixed on a point in the distance as his mind races.

Roman hadn't transformed for himself. It had always been at the whim of someone else. Roman was Hopes and Dreams—Thomas's Hopes and Dreams. Roman did things for Thomas. He was Thomas's wants. Despite how often they all called him selfish, he…he didn't really fight for the things that he wanted.

Could he name a single thing that Roman wanted that wasn't something for Thomas?

I think you and I both know the dangers of believing you can work all the time.

There's nothing that Thomas isn't that we need to make him into.

"Oh, Roman," he whispers into the quiet room, "when did you get so good at hiding?"

He doesn't want to know the answer, but his mind is already coming up with a helpful list of every time he can remember where Roman let himself get pushed to the side, overruled, scolded, overlooked, for the sake of someone else. He thinks about the times where Roman had been obviously uncomfortable with what they wanted him to do, and then did it anyway. He thinks about how long it's been since he's actually heard Roman say what he wanted, not what Thomas wanted, not what Patton or Janus or even he wanted.

How long has it been since someone wanted Roman for Roman?

He looks back down at his desk and pulls out a different notebook. He's underestimated Roman. He won't go into this upcoming conversation unprepared.

***

He knocks on Roman's door as softly as he can, waiting for the quiet come in to push it open. Roman looks up from his—

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

"Oh, Roman," he murmurs before he can stop himself, crouching next to Roman's slumped figure and carding a hand through his hair, "I'm so sorry."

"N-no, I'm sorry, 'm sorry, I can—" he scrubs a hand harshly across his face— "it's fine. What, um, what do you—"

Another sob interrupts him before he can finish asking if Logan needs anything, which only makes his chest ache all the more. He eases himself down next to Roman's buckled legs and wraps a comforting arm around his shoulders, pulling him close enough to wipe a thumb across his cheek.

"Shh," he says when Roman tries to speak again, "don't stress yourself. I'm not here for anything other than this, little one."

The pet name rolls off his tongue before he can stop it, but at the slightly wounded noise that leaves Roman's lips, he resolves to use them as often as he can. He scratches his nails lightly against his scalp, shushing him again when he tries to stifle another sob.

"I'm here because I realized I'd hurt you earlier," he continues, still speaking gently, "and I did not attempt to comfort you in any way. No, no—don't pull away from me, dear. Shh, don't fret, don't fret, I'm not upset—look at me, Roman, do I look upset?"

Roman's eyes, still filled with tears, roam frantically over his face. Logan keeps his expression as soft and open as he can, letting the concern write itself plainly over the furrow in his brow. After another moment, Roman sniffles and he's already reaching for the tissue box he can see perched haphazardly on the end of the desk. He takes it with a grateful mumble and blows his nose with a honk.

"You were right. You don't need to change to be worth something, or to be fixed. You don't need to become something you're not—oh, darling, hush, now," he says when Roman's eyes grow wide with distress, "I'm not angry, I'm not—oh, you poor thing."

For Roman had begun to sob in earnest, trying in equal parts to pull away from Logan's embrace and push himself near into his chest. Logan slides an arm under his legs and pulls them into his lap, tucking Roman's face into the crook of his neck and kissing the crown of his head. There's a moment where Roman tenses and he fears he might pull away, but then he all but collapses into him and buries his nose in Logan's shirt.

"There you go, little one, shh, it's alright. You can cry, crying is good. You're alright, you're safe, I'm right here." He runs his hand up and down Roman's back. "Shh, shh, that's it…that's it, my dear."

"Sorry—'m so sorry—"

"Shh-shh-shh, no apologies from you, not about this. You're overwhelmed and overworked, it's perfectly alright for you to be emotional right now. You can let it out, I don't mind at all. In fact, I'm here to help."

"Help?"

"Mm. You took great pains to comfort me earlier, even when I did not ask, and you," and here he gives Roman a little shake, "have not let anyone comfort you in quite a long time. So yes, I am here to comfort you, to help, and if that means letting you cry in my lap for as long as you need, then that is what I shall do."

"It's so hard," comes the sniffling whisper from under his chin, "I keep—I keep trying to be what they want but they don't know what they want and then it's my fault and I can't—they keep changing and wanting me to change and I can't—"

"Shh, shh…hush, my dear, it's alright. That's right, just let me hold you…"

They spend a great deal of time like that, curled up on the floor. Logan keeps carding his hand through Roman's hair, soothing away the more violent of sobs with gentle touches up and down his back or patting his chest. How long has Roman been holding this in? How long has it been since their prince has let himself fall apart without remorse? And how long has it been since they took pains enough to notice?

He pulls himself from his own thoughts when Roman's head turns, bumping slightly against his chin. He tilts his head to press a kiss to his temple, leaning back just enough to see the blotchy face come into view. Taking another tissue, he carefully dabs up the last of the tears he can see, holding it so Roman can blow his nose again.

"…thanks, Logan."

"Of course, my dear." He raises an eyebrow at the little shudder that goes through him. "No?"

"N-no, yes. Yes. Very much yes. Sorry."

"None of that now, my dear. Do you feel any better?"

"A little bit."

"That's excellent. Shall we sit here for a little longer, or do you want to move somewhere a little more comfortable?"

"C-can we just stay here for a little longer?"

"Of course we can." He runs his thumb over Roman's cheek again. "I am truly sorry it took me so long to figure out what was going on, little one. But I'm here now."

Roman averts his gaze and once again Logan is struck by how different Roman is right now; no longer does he see their fiery prince who so eloquently made him take his own advice mere hours ago, instead he sees a shell of a Side who shies away from a gentle touch like a dog too scared to eat. The comparison alone is enough to coax him to lean forward and kiss his cheek, cuddling him against his chest.

"I'm here now," he repeats, "let me look after you."

"You will?"

"Yes, Roman, I will. I'm right here—" he pulls him a little closer— "I've got you, little one, you're alright."

"I don't know what to do."

"Right now?"

"…anymore."

Logan's heart clenches in his chest and he forces the ache away, running his thumb over his cheek once more. "Well, what do you want to do right now?"

"I want to stay here."

"Then we shall stay here. And when you're ready to figure out what you want to do next," he says, adjusting them until they're both comfortable as can be, "I will be here to help."

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs@el-does-photography@princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl@raven1508

[shallowseeker]

In 12x16, Sam is a bull in a China shop when it comes to mentoring/parenting/caretaking

Safety vs autonomy: the core Sam dilemma

He obviously cares for Claire, but boy does he ever struggle to connect with her. He tries to do the checklist of things you do for people you care about: he asks about her wellbeing, then insists she has a hot meal! It's cute!

But...

When Sam immediately starts pressuring Claire to call Jody, he's forgetting that he's probably overstepping. He's not seen her in a while, after all! He's being classic-Sam-Winchester-pushy.

He doesn't butter her up or give them time to warm up to each other, just starts giving her the stink eye right out of the gate. In short, Sam has no finesse.

Just look at that stink eye: =____=

///

Look at Sam in the next scene, when he's finally one-on-one with Claire.

He's still pushing.

Even when he asks about if things are good, he's passive-aggressive about it. (This is very different than the straightforward approach that Cas and Dean take with Claire, as well as what we see from Jody.)

SAM: So (overdramatic sigh, a sigh full to the brim with assumptions) really? Things are good?

The way he says really. It's sooooo annoying, God bless you, Sammy.

Look. At. His. Face.

No wonder she called him an old skeezer right after this.

///

Ahem. Anyway. Once of Sam's core values is independence, and in the past when he's interacted with Claire, he's embodied that, teaching her to hack credit cards, and nagging her a little bit about using hunting to run away.

Here, he's flipping quite suddenly to true parent!mode, and Claire is not reacting well at all to his sudden change OR his style.

The pushy!Sam mode isn't working for Claire, the same way the overcaring faux!therapist mode won't work for Jack in Tombstone.

///

Claire is kidding around with him because she's uncomfortable. She's trying to lighten the mood.

Funnily enough, I think Sam's actually losing patience/offended here!

When it comes to have patience/affinity for younger people, I don't think it comes naturally to him. That's why he reads the self-help books and books like The Drama of the Gifted Child.

It's why it often sounds so careful, so practiced, which sets him up for disaster when his very real natural impatience comes out.

///

In the moment, she needs validation. It's like the song she'll listen to: "I'll never be good enough, you make me wanna die." She needs to feel respected by Sam. She doesn't feel like Sam's frank with her, and she wants to prove herself so he'll respect her.

Then, Sam, poor Sam. Comes in with this sledgehammer:

See, for one of the first times ever, Sam prioritized SAFETY over AUTONOMY.

When Claire didn't tell him the truth right away, he went behind her back and called Jody to find out how exactly what Claire was lying about...

BUT he didn't "tell." He tried to have the best of both worlds.

Sam still wants to be Claire's friend. The guy in her corner. (Cas already reckoned with this way back in season 10. That was his whole conversation with the therapist: "She doesn't need a friend." etc etc. Dean naturally sets boundaries, sometimes his boundaries are too rigid, sure, but it comes more naturally all the same.)

///

Claire then complains about being at the proverbial "kids' table," whenever they hunt, that Claire stays in the car while Jody does everything. (Sam felt this way about John and Dean! And as far as the kids' table goes, he still struggles with that feeling.)

And boy do I love this moment:

Claire's insecurities are manifesting the same way past Sam's did: she's putting words in other people's mouths. Her own insecurities are being shunted and reflected onto other people! Sam does this so, so, so often with Dean, especially in the vintage seasons. (It's part of growing up.)

But anyway back to Sam versus safety!

And Claire explodes, kindly tells him to fuck off. There is no trust here; she and Sam do not have an established parent-child relationship, so his insistence for her to tell the truth...CHAFES.

And then BOOOM. And that's why this episode will always be beautiful to me.

Sam never thought he'd be on the other side of this issue, prioritizing a younger family member's safety over their independence and getting frustrated when they don't see things his way.

She's so hurt that she runs away. And he doesn't follow her.

Clearly, Sam hates this feeling with Claire. It paralyzes him so much that they separate and she gets hurt. Bitten. DOOMED. On his watch. All his care and worrying weren't enough. He wound up pushing her away, upsetting her, and making her less safe in the end.

In later seasons, we can assume being a parent-parent chafes for him, causing him to reckon with his safety-versus-autonomy values in a fresh, uncomfortable way. He mostly flips back to a by-the-book, mentor-style parenting/caretaker relationship with AU hunters, Jack, etc.

But this moment with Claire is chef's kiss...and to me why Sam's arc doesn't feel done at the end of season 15. This struggle right here is the path for Sam finally understanding why his family often behaved as they did! If there ever were a sequel, I think this would have to be the through line. (Also, please give Sam a Sam-John-coded kid that will drive him crazy. Pretty, pretty please!)

///

Fun aside//

We see that Claire tames her emotionality with music, something Dean and Jack do as well.

///

[suusoh]

Monster Drag Race headcanons

ola. remember how I said i will not be monster posting? yeah me too <3

I first thought of Johan as the lipsync assassin, but he rarely makes it into the bottom with his runway looks. So maybe the only time he does lipsync is for his legacy

that being said, lipsync assassin either goes to miss Nina fortner (stunt queen <33), Lunge (captures the vibes and emotions of the song, so he knows if its supposed to be an emotional, comedic, sassy, etc.), or Grimmer (knows how to make the judges and ru laugh and grab their attention)

Eva heinemman is not a lipsync assassin but does have one lipsync that's more iconic than other seasons before or after her.

that being said about who the lipsync assassins, Johan is a RUNWAY QUEEN. Looks are always snatched and gags international audiences everywhere. (he gives me very violet chachki vibes <3)

Speaking of Johan, his most viewed video is in the reading challenge

reads queens to FILTH. There's 30 minute compilations of him on youtube just absolutely reading the fuck out of everyone. It's shocking how fast and accurately he reads. Not even cocky or smirky. He's just reading casually.

LUNGE WINS SNATCH GAME. HANDS DOWN 🙌 went toe to toe with Johan. Although both embodied their character to a T, Johan bantering along as his character and his answers always hit, his character is a bit popular and could be played by another queen as well. Whereas Lunge wins because the character he chose is slightly more specific and does things that make people convinced that only Lunge could be able to pull off that snatch game character.

Grimmer gives me comedy queen vibes. Very unserious, very silly. Very Tammy Brown, Jimbo, Tia Kofi, Jinx, or Bob. Grimmer also wins miss congeniality.

Some might say Kenzo for congeniality.... but Kenzo is more on the lowkey. Also sided with and defended the wrong queen in the early parts of the season when he was still playing it safe. Acknowledges his mistake in All Stars

Some might say Nina too, but surprisingly, I wouldn't put Nina under there because Nina can cuss a bitch out if needed but it's super rare (has a full on blown out argument with Johan and it's featured on Untucked) and lowkey throws shade all the time (think that Rose moment where Kandy muse asked "do you think I'm arrogant?" and rose answering "a little bit." without missing a beat HAHAHHAHAHAH)

SPEAKING OF DRAMA MOMENTS.

who are the most dramatic queens? Johan, Bonaparta, Eva, and Roberto.

Johan intentionally causes drama lowkey. institagates fights and stuff. Everyone, including the audience barely realise how some fights among contestants are from Johan's doing.

Bonaparta unintentionally becomes the "everyone vs. _____" queen (Laganja, Mimi Imfurst, Serena Cha Cha, Aiden Zhane, Kandy Muse) HFDSHJFAF. He's trying to defend himself but the girls are circling around him 😭 becomes the most hated queen for a while.

Eva intentionally causes drama but HIGHKEY. Starts drama because the producers told her to and she knows that this is reality tv so might as well give the audience what they really came here for. People love her for it because it's iconic when she does it.

Roberto also intentionally causes drama, thinking he's cool and lowkey like johan, but ends up being highkey about it. People hate him for it. Does not look cool at all and comes off as attention seeking and cringe. comments section is filled with "they really thought they ate that..." "go girl give us NOTHING 😍", branded as the delusional queen JSKFHHJJJAHAJA

Karl shares an almost friendly and honest moment with Johan. Audience becomes GAGGED when Johan eliminates him out. (Johan being Johan, there will be fans defending the moment saying "it was a long time coming" or "Johan was right. next week is about the top queens now, and Karl just does not cut it.")

Along with Nina, miss LOTTEEEEEEE calls out johan from time to time. She may look like a safe queen, but she knows when Johan is being shady. People quote her all the time.

Lotte is an underrated queen. Might have been playing it safe with her looks and even made it to the bottom two a lot in the early seasons, but miss m'am came to play later on. Unexpected queen slayer later on in the seasons. Fans love her redemption.

Jan Suk gets eliminated early, but was pretty wholesome while he was there. Probably becomes a meme, despite not being a popular queen who stays long. ("miss vanjie")

Johan does NOT win drag race. He self eliminates Ben de la Creme style. Some people online say it's cause he just didn't want to be in the show anymore and is tired, some say that he did it because he knew Nina would be eliminated so he gave himself, some say it's a political statement against the show and how he doesn't agree with the staging and fakeness of everything. But it's a fourth secret option that we will never know. (turns out he just got eliminated over breaking a small technical error staying past the cast curfew in the hotel. Technical guidelines put that to prevent queens from cheating and working on their dresses or outsourcing outside the show. Also it turns out he was taking a massive smoke break (which is also breaking anotherpolicy in the hotel 😭 aFDSF) he just voted himself to make his elimination look iconic )

to this day fans keep saying Johan was robbed of the crown (no tf he wasn't.)

start drama in the comments <33

[thekidsarentalright]

Idk if you have talked about this (you probably already did) but I'm just curious, in your opinion what is the kids aren't alright about? Have you done any analysis on the song?

i probably Have analyzed it but i can't find it and its been so long so. will Happily ramble here about what i think its about <3 tbh this is the most beautiful ask i could ever get thank u <3

since you asked what i think tkaa is about, i'm not gonna do this in the normal way i analyze songs, which is a more line-by-line style to paint a picture of the whole story of the song, but instead just wanna like. ramble fksjdnf about it and what it means to me

i think the entire meaning of the song can be summed up by the line, "and in the end, i'd do it all again / i think you're my best friend", which really is to mean that i think that the overarching theme of the song is that life can be worth repeating and going through again for the people that you go through it with. connection and relationships give life incredible meaning, even with the bad things, even with sorrow and darkness, love makes it worth it- i'm yours, when it rains it pours, stay thirsty like before, as the song goes. when the storm comes, as the rain starts pouring and destruction closes in on you, wouldn't it be more comforting to have somebody beside you? facing the chaos with their hands in yours? wouldn't it be worth going through the storm again (stay thirsty like before) just to have those moments with the people you love?

and normally when i analyze songs, i very much try to stay away from analyzing them in a way that is very personal to pete/the members of the band just because... i don't wanna be presumptive! but, this song feels like one of the few that i Can't look at separate from pete and the band. no song feels more like a love letter to the band, and even to the fans, than the kids aren't alright. this band has known each other for over half their lives, they have been best friends and brothers for longer than they haven't been. every up and down each of them have gone through since they met each other, they have gone through together, they have seen their darkest sides and deepest depressions and through it all have Still chosen to love each other and stick together. as the rain has come and poured on them, as the storm that is life shipwrecked the band and sent them stranded in seemingly opposite directions, the love remained. the found each other again, because they were willing to do it all again for each other. their love and friendship is the purest embodiment of the song, and is the thesis of fall out boy as a band, to me. even through destruction and overbearing egos and inner turmoil each of them were experiencing that we are likely to never know the depths of- they Chose that their bonds were worth it, their bonds made life worth living and fighting for.

i feel that spirit, that life is worth fighting for if you have someone/something you love to Live for, is perfectly encapsulated by the lyrics, "and it's our time now if you want it to be / maul the world like the carnival bear set free"- if you want, life is ours for the taking regardless of the rest of the world. carnival bears were often mistreated and repressed, beaten down for acting in their nature, if one were set free they would finally truly be Free to be how they wish to be. in the context of the song, because we have each other, we can take the world on how We want, we can be who We want to be, Together. This is also something that i think is the thesis of fall out boy- the band of underdogs for underdogs, fighting for a space in the world to be safe and express themselves how they want to, and because they've found each other and an audience that Understands them, they can maul the world like the carnival bear set free. they are mauling the world, with every song released and show performed, they're taking on the world on their terms as a united band of best friends. and with their fans behind them, that spirit is embodied tenfold, making this song not only feel like a song for the band, about the band, but Also about the fans and for the fans.

before coming to any sweeping conclusion, i wanna talk about the bridge, because i feel like it is the last piece that does fully show what i think the song is about in totality. The bridge goes, "sometimes i just want to sit around and gaze at my shoes / and let your dirty sadness fill me up just like a balloon"- other than the carnival bear line, i believe this might be my favorite lyric of the song (which is saying a lot in a song of banger after banger line), as i feel the imagery it paints is just so heartaching and melancholy in such a beautiful way. there's a lot here in these lyrics, from how in the genius annotations pete annotated this line with a still of someone's shoes and a bunch of guitar pedals on the ground- something he would no doubt gaze down at when gazing down at his shoes while recording or performing, hammering home the meaning of this song being about/for the band and the fans. they share their sadness with each other, with the fans (to an extent), and the fans share their sadness back- music is always a reminder of the bond we all share in our heaviest moments, as is the guitar pedals being present when gazing down at your shoes in sorrow or guilt. another point i want to make is about "gaze at my shoes" perhaps being a play on words about "shoegaze" as a genre of music defined by guitar distortion and effects and a dreamy/ethereal feel- connecting the picture, the lyrics, the meaning of the band and fans always being there and music being a connection between us all, in a way. essentially, i feel this lyric is just a very melancholy, beautiful way to say sometimes its very easy to just wallow in your feelings, but having somebody with you to help take on your sadness, having these connections and these bonds, can make it lighter.

to try and find a way to summarize it, i really do just think the kids aren't alright is about love. in its purest form, it's about love. loving other people enough to live for them, finding the bonds and connections that give meaning to a meaningless existence, allowing yourself to feel pain in equal measure with pleasure. these are things that make life what it is, without these things life would be numb, meaningless nothingness. in the purest way, i believe the kids aren't alright is about what it is to be human and to love with reckless abandon, to be free to be and feel and love even if pain is present. Because pain doesn't diminish the love or light you can experience in life, and allowing yourself to believe anything less is to deny yourself a instrumental piece of the human experience.

[fatuismooches]

Hii! I was wondering if you could write some more general Columbina relationship headcanons,, maybe like how she might show her affection to her s/o or what her day to day life might include with her s/o! Just general fluff with a non-fragile reader please. My sapphic heart craves for her💛💛 (also if your requests aren’t open you can just woosh this away :D I hope you’re having a good day/night)

♡𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬♡

synopsis: What is it like being in a relationship with Columbina?

includes: columbina w/ gn! reader

notes: Your wish is my command. I've been meaning to write more for the Harbinger ladies because they deserve it! I hope you enjoy this nonnie, lots of fluff as requested. <3

Columbina, Columbina, the fairest of them all. She doesn’t seem to care for many things, and not much is known about her, leaving even the Harbingers stumped. But one thing is for certain, she definitely holds some kind of affection for you. And she makes it horribly known to everyone. Columbina holds physical affection close to her heart. She craves being the little spoon. She likes to make herself tiny too, curling up into a half-fetal position.

She likes to bite you. Yes, I said bite you. Affectionately of course, but nothing can ever truly prepare you for that sudden nick of pain that you never see coming. She often likes to drape herself over your back, so your neck often is the victim of her tender chomping. Luckily she never does it hard enough to leave marks, but it is certainly… enigmatic. Columbina is honestly a strange character in general. Quite unlike anyone else, but if there’s one thing about her, is that she loves to receive and give quality time. You are always with her, and she is always with you. She is genuinely never bored of your presence and could sing a new song of you every day. And if it wasn’t obvious enough, she’s huge on physical touch. No one outdoes her.

In like, a non-Fatui life, I see her liking to sleep in with you until late. Don’t ever try to drag her out of bed, at least not in the morning. She’s literally a demon if she’s woken up before her usual time. Most of the time, you’re looped into this routine too. She has a tendency to somehow have all of her limbs intertwined with yours to prevent you from moving. But there are times when you manage to break free. Columbina will be pouty but make her breakfast in bed. Instant forgiveness. She seems like the kind of girl to love pancakes with whipped cream and fruits and chocolate. Also loves her coffee to be pretty looking. 

If you two do manage to get up in the morning, it goes by very slowly. Inching off the bed a centimeter at a time, the sheets dragging along with you. You carrying Columbina to the bathroom for a very lazy bath and her repeatedly falling asleep again. Lots of bubbles and self-care go on. Also, would be happy to gift you matching hair clips and veils. She would be happy to gift you anything actually. Treasures anything you give her, and probably has a wall in her bedroom for anything you give her. Listening to music together is a must. You two have a few shared playlists for a variety of moods like ♡Songs that remind me of you♡ and ♡Date Night♡. Also tends to steal your headphones because she loses hers sometimes. Her room is super aesthetically pleasing but things tend to get lost with the amount of stuff she has in there. You’ve tripped on stuff more times than you liked to admit. You two like to play cozy games like Animal Crossing late at night, bundled up together. She always makes new outfits for the two of you on there, but she’s also a tease and digs holes in your island sometimes. Speaking of, she would love to have matching clothes/aesthetics with you. Columbina knows all of the good sites and stores to buy from and will make sure both of you look good. Also, I don’t know why, but I can see her playing like, a super elegant instrument, like the harp. She’s literally the embodiment of an angel when she plays and sings!

While we’re on this topic, something Columbina appreciates greatly from you is acts of service. Really, it doesn’t even have to be anything grand, but she values and also notices anything you do for her, even if it’s something small. She might seem off in her own little world to others, but she is quite perceptive as to what goes on around her. Brush her hair and get rid of the knots, help dress her, she even loves having you feed her while she lays on your shoulder. If you couldn’t tell, she loves being taken care of and pampered. <3 And, even though she has a small figure, she likes to share her coat with you. It’s not really big enough to fit the two of you together, but she still loves to do it. Columbina also does the same with blankets and holds you hostage in them with her. She also thinks it’s adorable when you fight for her in battle, standing in front of her protectively. She’s the third Harbinger, yet you still insist on protecting her? Haha, she should be the one doing that as she forces you to take a seat and let her obliterate everyone.

Even in the Fatui she’s rather elusive. It’s hard to catch her, which is kind of a blessing for those in her squad, but it’s kind of a curse as well because she can pop out of nowhere behind people and give them a heart attack. Even you can never predict when she’ll appear. She’s very quiet on her feet. Once you looked up and she was hanging upside down with a smile on her face. You screamed and she laughed. Columbina’s also the type to skip out on Fatui meetings and hang out with you instead despite her high ranking. They’re so dreadfully dull, even boring her patient soul. Pierro has long stopped getting upset. In any case, if she really does have to go somewhere, she still refuses to go unless she gets multiple ‘goodbye and have a nice day’ kisses. Also, if the theory that she’s a fallen angel from Celestia is true, then she gets a bit emotional when you rub her wings. They’re very sensitive and she might accidentally hit you with them.

Though, I feel like she is also the secretive type. She isn’t trying to be malicious, no, but as I said she is elusive. So if there’s something she doesn’t want to answer, she can hum and answer in a sing-song voice to skillfully divert the conversation elsewhere. Columbina isn’t trying to hurt you, it’s the opposite. For all of her airheadedness, she is aware of some cold, hard truths, far more than you may think. So, let her protect you, please. She really does love you.

[yuseirra]

This is a thought that keeps returning to me when I think about Ai and Hikaru's relationship with other people. I mention this a lot but I really do think they are the incarnations of the shinto gods responsible for taking care of the industry(Amenouzume-Sarutahiko) who took on the form of humans because,

In chapter 119, there is a part that says Ai's accepted the fact that her own mother took her as "a stranger" and her mother in 131 commenting she was "too beautiful" even at the young age of 8 or so, Ai doesn't really look like her mother either... I feel this may be similar with Tsukuyomi and Hikaru's case, it seems as if their parents are almost nonexistent although they were at least given birth by someone. I believe...there were some type of aura? Incongruousness? They had about them. They say Ai was unbeatable, the ultimate idol well of course!!! you CAN'T beat Amenouzume in the field. She's a literal god for it. As in the song IDOL, she's the "the reincarnation of the brightest star"!! Unless Amaterasu but Ruby probably.. Isn't the better dancer and stuff. She's there to "shine" and bring "light". That's how she surpasses Ai. It's not because she has more talent as an "idol", it's because she's an entity that is more powerful and the one that illuminates all.

I don't think they're your normal, average human beings, that's how their children was also a god(ch3) or described as someone sent by the gods(last chapter). These guys.. Wanted to be normal and wished to live as people but I feel they were beings that originally weren't and that's how they stood out a lot from the others. Never was able to blend in so well with the crowd and find someone they wish to love until they found each other. They connected immediately because they are originally spouses. They are a couple. You see how in the song Fatal the speaker goes Ai is "fateful" for them well yeah? She was his wife in her original goddess life!! That's why. I just- seeing how Kamiki is a year younger than Ai, I think he followed her because she left to become a human on a whim and he got worried. And then they got in this whole mess because the human world sucks and the entertainment industry they blessed weren't all rosy as they imagined it. That's how I see this story now that it's complete. The guy became afflicted and tainted, then completely fell and broke after his wife got killed and discarded all his nobility, went berserk. That's why we had souls being assigned to take him down(Aqua) and replace him and shine after his wife(Ruby).

If they're the embodiment of the gods that are responsible for the entertainment industry, "The star eyes" should be something that originates from them on that regard. They're indeed the ones who are responsible for both black and the white and how Kamiki ended up making a firm under the name of EYES, he wants to retrieve Ai through it. He CAN actually feel Ai through collecting them. I'm serious because, that IS a connection that can be made after having read this series. If so, he wouldn't have stopped till he collected them all for it'd be a means to reach her. Until that is, till he saw that video Ai left. That brought about a change in his heart for sure, I wonder if that would have made him choose to stop, or turn even more reckless about it. I think that was his initial goal. What he's done does make sense on this logic AND it works perfectly with what the songs imply. It also blends in with the myths of the gods that have been directly mentioned within this piece.

[reallylilyreally]

For the Send me a fic of mine and I'll answer...

"moving backwards (just to move forwards)

AND if I get a second pick 😊

"the long road trip home"

YOU CAN PICK AS MANY AS YOU LIKE, I LOVE YOU

Moving backwards (just to move forwards)

My favorite scene

Gotta be Pat Christenson asking if Tab's OK via flashlight morse code. To me, this perfectly embodies everything about Easy, the way that they care, and are so careful with the caring, that from the outside it just looks a bit blase and batshit.

Also the fact that Nix is impressed that Pat bothered with a flashlight because Harry would have just opened the window and yelled. Made me giggle as I wrote it.

Special mentions also to the HORROR that is Tab sobbing in Dick's arms and telling him that he loves him after Grant was shot.

My favorite chapter (if it's a multichapter)

ch11 - Eagles Nest fucking, FO SHO, and Tab kissing Nix like a wife on the balcony the next morning and joking about banging Speirs.

Hardest scene to write

Ooooh. Not sure, it's been a while now! I struggled a little with the scene between Dick and Tab in Hagenau, when Tab goes to fix the Nix problem.

And I cried so hard I couldn't see when I wrote Tab telling Dick he loves him after Grant got shot.

Favorite character to write in the fic

Always Bunny, always. He's my best girl and I make no bones of it.

Favorite dynamic to write in the fic

Tab/Pat/Chuck. Platonic OT3 forever. They are just so... I don't even know how to say it. The way that they love and support and judge each other, the way that Pat and Chuck are so staunchly defensive and protective of their lovesick idiot, I just am never getting over it.

Why I chose that title

It's a line from a Josie Dunn song, Patterns, that I was (and am) OBSESSED with.

A fun fact about the fic

I had NO IDEA whether it was gonna be OT3 endgame or not until the last three chapters! Looking back at these asks, it feels a bit like a theme...

The Long Roadtrip Home

I had to skim-reread this so i could answer, and that was a fucking JOY so thanks.

My favorite scene

Every time Jay De L'Eau is mentioned doing something stupid.

This bit:

“OK Bill,” he says, “Go.”

Bill takes a big mouthful of coffee, which must burn, but he doesn’t let it show. He swallows, puts his mug down, and enunciates his words very, very carefully. “Hillbilly, Skipper, respectfully, what the fuck.”

Andy resists the urge to look at Eddie, who raises one very expressive eyebrow and gives Bill his best drawl. “Gonna need to ask you to be a bit more specific there, Private.”

Leyden makes a deeply indelicate noise in the back of his throat, and waves his arms around the room. “This,” he says, indicating the kitchen with a broad sweep of one hand, “That,” he flings an arm towards the doorway and the stairs. “Snafu, the fucking psycho place we just stormed, Gunny… Do you know that man has a whole-ass house, with several bedrooms, and he sleeps outside?”

“He doesn’t like sleeping under a roof,” says Eddie very calmly, as if this is a very normal thing that doesn’t indicate any other issues possibly related to decades spent in combat.

Bill makes another noise, this one higher up, indicating a level of hysteria that Andy feels very familiar with. Eddie continues to watch them in a dramatically neutral manner that he knows from experience is both infuriating and deeply unsettling.

“Ok, fuck Gunny then, let’s all just leave that to one side, man doesn’t like roofs, whatever. Are we going to pretend that all the rest of it is normal?” He waves wildly around the kitchen again, as if to indicate the extreme abnormality of their living situation.

“Feels very normal to me,” says Eddie, still perfectly calm.

“Me too,” says Andy, “Nothing strange about it.”

Bill throws his head back to the ceiling with an expression that looks like it would probably be a howl if he wasn’t conscious of a hopefully-sleeping Marine upstairs. Andy isn’t quite sure why Eddie is needling Leyden like this, but feels confident that there’s some design to it, something in this that his Lieutenant thinks the Private needs, because Eddie isn’t usually irritating on purpose. Or by accident. Or at all. So he lets it go on for a few more minutes, Bill incoherent with frustration and Eddie an implacable lake of calm, because he’s sure it serves a purpose and he’s finding it disproportionately entertaining. And then he takes pity on Bill.

“Right,” he says, and watches both of them snap to him. No one actually salutes, but it looks like a close call. Bill’s hand actually twitches. “The this stuff,” he continues, waving a hand around his kitchen a la Leyden, “Will have to wait til Snafu and Burgie get here, because we owe you an explanation, but I think for the sake of my sanity I’m going to have to insist we give it to all of you at once.”

“We don’t owe them shit,” says Eddie, and there’s a bite to it that comes out of nowhere.

“Yeah, no, Skip,” Leyden all of a sudden is contrite, “Absolutely fuckin not, obviously! Just… This is fucking big, right? And you’ve told us, now, but barely. Speaking for myself, and Jay who is obviously the nosiest motherfucker on the planet, but this is like, your epic love story, right? So, sharing. That’s the appropriate thing to do with your epic love story and your Marines.”

It’s a bizarrely sweet thing to say, Andy hides the smile creeping up on him with a sip of his coffee. Eddie mirrors him, and it’s a little love letter all by itself.

“OK,” Eddie says, after he’s finished. “That’s Gunny covered, and our epic love story. What’s next, Bill?”

Leyden looks at him, really truly looks at him, and Andy for a moment feels a surge of the protective instinct that he had to keep a handle on in the desert – Bill is looking at Eddie and seeing the whole of him, which has not ever been a thing that could be OK before.

“The place we just took Sledge from,” says Bill, and he’s lost all of his bravado and swagger, he sounds wary in a way that is unfamiliar. “Was it what I think it was?”

Eddie stays quiet for a moment, and then he puts his hands down on the table, examining his fingers, before looking back up at them. “I don’t know, for sure. But Shelton sure as shit thought it was. He was fucking terrified.”

Bill nods sharply. Andy looks at Eddie, a brief, unspoken question.

He speaks again, “Did it look like it?”

“Shit Hillbilly, I’m from New York, I have no idea what shit like that looks like. Made me feel fuckin cold though, and not just the aircon, they were all bland smiling fuckin flat-affect motherfuckers talking like robots, all slick and helpful and shit. Felt fuckin sinister. Took me two minutes listening to Gunny talk to the broad at the front desk to know I was gonna burn the fuckin place down to get Sledge out of there.”

Andy sees it on him, too, the way that the place shook him up, in a way that rolling through artie in an open-top Jeep never did. Eddie hums, a little soothing sympathy.

“Was it hard to get them to turn him over?” Eddie asks.

"Didn’t get to hit anyone,” Bill says, and there’s regret in his voice that is tinged with fury. “But Gunny definitely implied that I would. They claimed he was there voluntarily an that he could leave whenever he wanted. So Gunny insisted on seeing him, so we could ask him ourselves. They threatened to call the cops on us at that point, but Gunny was all in favour of that, so they backed down on it pretty quickly. They pushed back pretty hard for a bunch of fuckin robots, but Gunny wore them down. An when they let him see us, Gunny asked if he wanted to leave, an he said yes, sir.”

The look on Bill’s face when he says that last sentence is actually physically painful to see.

“Tried to get him to fill out a bunch of paperwork in a private room,” Bill continues, “But I told them very clearly where to shove it, and we got Oscar Mike as fast as we fuckin could.”

I love the way that Bill is trying very hard to be a tough motherfucker about this, but at the same time he's massively out of his depth and overwhelmed and doesn't wanna get anything wrong, and he's been Shit Scared this whole time. Poor man.

My favorite chapter (if it's a multichapter)

ch5! We've got Burgie, we've got trauma, we've got gay marines cuddling and Bill Leyden's head exploding.

Hardest scene to write

Honestly? This one kinda just flew out of me, I wrote it like a fuckin fever dream in about three weeks and I didn't read a single word back until it was published. Just vomited it onto the screen and hurled it into the ether.

Favorite character to write in the fic

Bill Leyden. Didn't see him coming, but i fucking LOVED him once he got there. What a man.

Favorite dynamic to write in the fic

Andy/Eddie, obviously, because they are so soft and careful and deliberate with each other, and they are so in love.

I cried typing those words, I think I need another coffee.

Overall though, the main joy of this fic was writing the ensemble scenes. I make no bones about it, i'm in HBOWar for The Squad. The way these groups of men love each other and the very un-lovely ways they show it. It's my jam. I'm a woman who spends a lot of time in large groups of men in very masculine contexts, and the group dynamics of boys will never cease to delight me. You're all so dumb.

Why I chose that title

Jesus, I can't remember.

A fun fact about the fic

This was the first fic I'd written in 15 years, and the first one I ever finished, or published. It remains one of the pieces of writing I am most proud of, and the experience of writing it was utterly transformative. This fic changed my life.

What a weird thing to say.