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You can tell a lot about the health of a civilization by their warning signs. Places with a lot of dumb folks will have very broad, very dumb warnings in public. "No feeding the birds." "Stop swimming in this drainage pond." That kind of thing.

Advanced civilizations have very precise signs. They've covered the bases of their regular, run-of-the-mill idiots, and now they're working hard to cover that other end of the bell curve: the talented idiot. When I was in Germany last time, there was a big warning sign that consisted of a 76-letter-long word that means "stop bothering this particular goose, Sven." I don't know who Sven was, but the goose looked pretty calm. It worked.

Now, I have a secret to tell you. You can just make your own signs. There's no law against it, except perhaps "littering," and the municipal sign factory doesn't have very good security. If you show up there past close and put in the door code that you shoulder-surfed off one of the employees returning from lunch a week prior, you have all night to fuck around with their sign-printing machine, making the most official-looking placards you can think of.

Is this wrong? I don't think so. It's a public space, and being able to put up an aluminum sign that says wacky crank shit is your right. For instance, just last week, I banned pickup trucks from parking by the playground. The cops figured out something was going on, because they didn't get any calls for toddlers getting backed over for a couple of days and sent a patrol truck to investigate. Took my sign right down.

What I discovered after that is that nobody keeps records of what signs are supposed to be there. Why would anyone put up a sign for no reason? They cost money, after all. The city is now suing the shit out of that officer for stealing the "no trucks" sign, thanks to an anonymous tipster who called in the theft. Guy wearing a reflective vest came by and put like four more of them up after the lawsuit made the news, just out of spite. I'm not entirely sure if he's actually a city worker; we ran into each other at 3am at the sign factory and just grunted. He was working on some really crazy signs about not feeding a particular swan. Probably German.

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Wanna be nosy? Here's your chance.

0: Height 1: Virgin? 2: Shoe size 3: Do you smoke? 4: Do you drink? 5: Do you take drugs? 6: Age you get mistaken for 7: Have tattoos? 8: Want any tattoos? 9: Got any piercings? 10: Want any piercings? 11: Best friend? 12: Relationship status 13: Biggest turn ons 14: Biggest turn offs 15: Favorite movie 16: I’ll love you if 17: Someone you miss 18: Most traumatic experience 19: A fact about your personality 20: What I hate most about myself 21: What I love most about myself 22: What I want to be when I get older 23: My relationship with my sibling(s) 24: My relationship with my parent(s) 25: My idea of a perfect date 26: My biggest pet peeves 27: A description of the girl/boy I like 28: A description of the person I dislike the most 29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend 30: What I hate the most about work/school 31: What your last text message says 32: What words upset me the most 33: What words make me feel the best about myself 34: What I find attractive in women 35: What I find attractive in men 36: Where I would like to live 37: One of my insecurities 38: My childhood career choice 39: My favorite ice cream flavor 40: Who wish I could be 41: Where I want to be right now 42: The last thing I ate 43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately 44: A random fact about anything

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last line tag

tagged by @london-cowboy ! thank you, babe. tagging @constanthaunt, @weimarweekly, and @drylite pretty please, if you'd like. here's john wanting to die and gale forgetting his name that i started last night:

They’ve all gone hot and itchy in August so there’s no reason to share a bunk other than comfort, which Gale and John have. They don’t call it that. Tonight they’re not sharing, they’re lying head to head but not talking. Staring at each other. Gale’s stubble makes him look tired and worn down. The bunks smell like the body odor of unhealthy men. Death stink. The Red Cross has been delayed again. John thinks about escape again. He can’t stop himself from spitting up another idea that's not so much an idea as it is as permission to die. That's why he only says them here, to one person. John rakes his jagged thumbnail over a raised bug bite. Mosquito, maybe. Or flea. “Gale,” he says. There’s a blank, glassy look in Gale’s eyes instead of a response. Confusion. The struggle to recall. Then recognition. Gale blinks, eyes clearing. John recognizes it as the horrific, simple act of having momentarily forgotten his own name. “What is it?” he says. John’s heart seems to stop pumping blood. Gale, with his chin propped on his hands, waits for him to continue on like nothing has happened. His eyes dull and curious. John thinks back over the last ten months. A struggle, when he’s been trying so hard to forget every day after it passes. He’s not sure he’s said Gale’s Christian name once since he got here. He doesn’t think anyone has. It’s been Major, or Buck. Here is where John should say something. Here is where he should offer comfort. His mouth, dry, doesn’t open. “Bucky,” Gale says, holding the concern John should be carrying. John shakes his head. Maybe he imagined what just happened, the way he’s imagined his own men talking behind his back and the one guard who looks at Gale too often. He watches Gale tuck his head against his crossed arms. Gale. Buck. John wonders what name he would use in Heaven.

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i was just thinking about the "I'm already dead" characters and how the one person who actually says it, claims it in the series is Speirs, and yet he's the one who defies death so throughly that it's all he's known for for years.

and the characters who exhibit the most life and youth, the most cheer, the most revel in being alive (i.e. skip, alex, hoob, julian, etc etc) and the one character who fights death tooth and nail for every damn second she is alive on screen (i.e. renee lemaire) are the ones who die? are the ones who are marked by the narrative to have Actually Been Dead From the Very Beginning?

doesn't that just fuck you up a little bit?

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Fucking slain in my tracks by this postcard on my friend’s dresser

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British Lads Hit Each Other With Chair

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LOLOLOL

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Say it (like we're coming for you)

kept Daisy waiting for a while on this, but I finally got it done.

epilogue, baby. love you.

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Say it (like we're coming for you)

kept Daisy waiting for a while on this, but I finally got it done.

epilogue, baby. love you.

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ao3 is crazy because you'll read the most gut-wrenching 200k word slowburn that leaves you sobbing into your sweater at four in the morning and the author will be applejacksmonstercock

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One should always have at least 2 craft projects going. That way, when one of them is messed up and misbehaving, you can switch to another, and let the first one sit there and think about what it's done.

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they call me the problem ignorer for reasons that i know but dont feel like addressing right now