#the effect it would’ve had on remus is NOT talked about enough

[moonlightdancer26]

I will never in my life be able to understand the people who say “well okay Sirius wanted to kill someone but it’s Snape’s fault for going into the Willow.” I find it so insane because… Sirius, at the mere age of 16, had just proven that he had no regard for human life and was willing to have someone else’s blood on his hands… and all you have to say on the matter is the fact that the victim went down there in the first place? It’s just such blatant victim-blaming and I can’t even fathom how on earth they deem their argument reasonable.

What also really bugs me about their claim is that it was so normal for Snape—a teenage boy—to do. Of course a teenager would hear about/suspect something “spooky” and then would want to go to the area to check it out. Of course his curiosity would get the best of him. He’s a teenage boy, just because he made a risky mistake does not mean attempted murder is justified. It’s like kids or teens hearing about haunted houses and wanting to go there; it’s a pretty stupid idea but it’s a normal one for them to have. So many Marauder stans use “oh but they just made a mistake when they were teens” as a response to SA and waterboarding, but when the character they dislike does something that has actually been done by many teenagers and kids, they can’t feel any sympathy whatsoever? Sirius, unlike Severus, has no excuse for what he did. It wasn’t normal for his age, there’s no somewhat logical reason, and it was downright inhuman. And no, saying “but Snape followed Remus around and tried to get the Marauders expelled!” just goes right back to the fact that, had Sirius and James not started bullying Snape years prior, Severus would have had no reason to want them to get in trouble/expelled.

Another seriously messed up fact involving the prank is when you remember that if the prank had succeeded (= Snape ending up dead/mauled/infected), that meant that Remus—who would’ve been in no control of his actions and completely unable to stop it—would have been used as a murder weapon and would’ve faced dangerous consequences for Sirius’s doing. A known trait of Remus is his extreme self-loathing, which is derived from his hatred of being a “monster.” To think about how one of his best friends was willing to freely exploit his condition and use it to harm someone else “just for fun” when he knows what Remus would do to himself when he finds out is sickening. You can hate Severus all you want, but you absolutely cannot try to pin this on him when it was the most vile act Sirius had ever done in his life and an extremely important aspect of his character.

[itsjustfire4]

Double Moon; pt 2

He woke up yet again when Sirius stirred, Remus’s eyes snapped open as he was suddenly very alert. Sirius’s eyes eased open and he took in Remus blinking at him tiredly, unaware of his staring. He smiled at the werewolf as the latter realized what he was doing and blushed furiously.

“Bonjour ma chérie” Sirius whispered, sitting up and looking down at his friend.

“Mornin’ pads” Remus blinked, not wanting to move from his spot. He was still in pain and it hurt to talk, his voice was raspy and his bones ached. He knew he’d have to get up though, he knew he’d have to go to class and down a pain killer potion even though they had no effect. He’d suck it up and try to trick his brain into believing the potion worked.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius looked concerned as he ran his soft thumb over Remus’s cheek. It was a comforting manner that made the scarred boy’s heart skip a beat.

“Like shit,” Remus admitted, there wasn’t any point in lying to his long haired friend. Sirius always seemed to see through his lies.

“Are you up to go to class?” Sirius knew what the response would be, but he had to ask anyways. He didn’t want Remus to go to class, he always over worked, but he knew there wasn’t any point in arguing. If Remus pushed himself too much, he’d make him to go the hospital wing or their dorm.

Remus nodded and took in a deep breath before getting up. He asked if Sirius wanted to wake Peter up or for him to do it. Sirius groaned and said he’d wake their friend up. Peter was always the last up and he wasn’t at all a morning person. There’s a sixty percent chance you’ll get punched for waking the short boy up. Peter always felt bad if he hit Remus but never James or Sirius, they called it favoritism. Remus figured he was only doing it because he knew his friend was in pain. He normally would’ve been upset about it, saying he didn’t need to be babied, but right now he didn’t care.

Remus was in the bathroom when he heard Sirius hiss in pain, indicating Peter was now awake. And had smacked the other for waking him. Their muffled voices coming through the bathroom door.

“Oh shut up, it doesn’t hurt that bad you bloody wuss,” he heard Peter say grumpily.

“One day we’ll just leave you and you’ll miss all your classes,” Sirius quipped, he heard him move away from Peter’s bed and near his own. They continued to argue until Remus walked out of the bathroom and told them to shut up because they were giving him a headache.

“Sorry, Moony,” they both apologized in unison.

The silence continued as the three of them got ready, only being broken when they got down to the great hall. James was already there, waiting for his friends to arrive before he started eating. Peter slid into the seat next to James and the other two sat across from him. The noise in the dinning hall was frusturating enough to put spike the brunnette’s headache.

“I got something for you Moony!” James exclaimed, reaching his hand in his bag and pulling out a small box. He held the box out to the taller boy, urging him to take it. Remus eyed him suspiciously, but opened the box anyway. Inside was 5 bars of Remus’s favorite chocolate and a letter addressed to him. One chocolate for everyday until the moon and one for the day after. He opened the letter and started reading it, it was from James’s mom.

Remus,

I know you don’t like people fussing over you, but I saw these at the shop the other day and couldn’t resist. I know this month is a difficult one so I figured this might help a bit. My boys told me this was your favorite chocolate a while ago and I took note of it in case I came across it. Hope this helps, and don’t push yourself too much.

Love,

Effie

Remus smiled, Euphemia Potter might be one of his favorite people. Sirius, being as nosy as he is, read the note over his shoulder and smiled as well.

“Prongs, I love your mum,” Remus sighed happily, putting the box into his bag for later.

“Who doesn’t, mate” James winked, “she sent that a couple day ago and told me to give it to you 4 days before.”

“Yeah, she sent me 5 chocolates,” Remus started making his toast, his day made by his best friend’s mother. He got through one slice of toast before he couldn’t eat anymore. He remembered Madame Pomfrey telling him to go see her that morning. He got up, telling his friends what he remembered and grabbed his bag.

“Want me to come with you?” Sirius offered, already picking up his bag, “I’m done with breakfast and James stinks.”

James threw him the finger as Sirius got out of his seat, looking at Remus expectingly.

“If you want to, probably won’t be to interesting though” Remus shrugged, turning to walk out of the great hall as Sirius grinned and followed him.

They walked in silence for a while before the shorter boy broke it, “do you know what Madame Pomfrey wants?”

Remus just shrugged again, “preparations for the moon?”

Sirius nodded and silence fell between them again, it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, just silent. Remus wished Sirius would speak though, as he was afraid he’d be able to hear his bones screaming if their silence continued.

They reached the hospital wing and Remus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He didn’t see the mediwitch so he figured she was in her office. Not wanting to intrude he called out to her, “Madame Pomfrey?”

She appeared from her office immediately, “Remus! What have I told you, just call me Poppy!” She reminded, walking over to them with her usual quickness. Sirius shot him an amused look and Remus knew he was going to bring that up later. “Come into my office, do you want Mr. Black there?”

“Is it just the routine thing?” Remus asked, if it wasn’t he wasn’t sure he wanted Sirius to see or hear more than he was used too.

“Yes,” Poppy smiled, gesturing for the boys to go to her office.

“Then sure,” Remus sighed, starting for her office. Sirius wasn’t far behind, a genuine smile on his face as if he was being trusted with the most important information. Sirius was always interested in things that had to do with Remus’s condition but never pushed for anything. He knew it made Remus anxious so he didn’t ever ask for more than he was given. It was comforting in a way the werewolf couldn’t explain.

He didn’t really think his normal pre-moon check ups were very interesting. It felt like an annual doctors check up. Poppy made sure his heart rate and blood pressure were normal, asked what potions he thought were working, asked if there were any wounds that didn’t heal properly last month, anything new he wanted to mention, etc. Sirius on the other hand was listening intently on their discussion. He didn’t interrupt or add any input, just listened quietly, soaking up all the information presented.

The check up didn’t take very long but it cut into their first class, which today was transfiguration. The mediwitch gave them both a note from her of where they’d been and to excuse them. She gave them each a biscuit and sent them on their way, telling Remus to go to her if there were any problems.

“So,” Sirius started as they rounded the corner to class, “thats what she does every month before the moon?”

Remus nodded, feeling his throat tighten after speaking for to long. Sirius seemed satisfied none the less and changed the topic. He must have noticed Remus’s inability to speak because he just talked about nonsense. He kept changing one topic to another until they reached their class, where he opened the door for his friend, bowing dramatically. Professor McGonagall didn’t look up at them or even question why they were late. She just continued talking as the rest of the class turned around to look at the pair.

“Professor! Lupin and Black were late,” Snape sneered, glaring at the two boys who had just sat down. Both boys rolled their eyes, sending each other a knowing look that presented their annoyance.

“I realize that Mr. Snape,” their professor said sternly, not taking well to being interrupted, “Their being late to my class does not affect you, so please, do not interrupt me while I’m teaching.”

“But they-“ Snape started to defend himself, before the professor shot him a stern look.

Remus tried to hide his amused smile behind his book as McGonagall continued talking about their assignment. When she assigned them their work she walked over to the boys who were shooting each other hidden smiles and stopped just in front of them.

“Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, you have a free period after this correct?” She asked, already knowing the answer. They nodded and she continued, “see me after class please.”

She walked back to her desk and Snape gave them a proud look. Remus just rolled his eyes and started on the assignment.

[oncasette]

Hi hi!! Could i request a lovers to enemies to lovers! With remus lupin?

this is a little lovers to frenemies to lovers but :)

you hated how good he looked now. even with the scars running the length of his face, the ones you knew matched the ones on his back. hated how happy he looked, still, like he’d recovered, in time, without you.

good, you think. you’re glad he’s moved on. means he won’t come over here and talk to—

no, you were absolutely wrong about that. he was ending the conversation with whoever he was talking to before you could think to evacuate, walking over to where you were seated in the corner of the small event space the ministry had rented out for the evening. you weren’t even totally sure what for; a christmas function, surely, but then, you didn’t know what kind of decisions cornelius fudge made most days.

he calls your name, signaling for you to look up at him rather than at the glass of firewhiskey and coke you’d been swirling in your hand.

“lupin,” you cough and you can tell from the way he’s smiling down at you, you’re far more effected by his presence than he is by yours.

“you look… pretty,” he chokes on the word, almost. “what’s it been?”

“six years,” you reply. since graduation. before everything that’d happened with james and lily and sirius.

“look-“

“you know, i really don’t want to hear it, remus,” you allow yourself to really look at him for the first time that night. his eyes seemed glazed now, at least more than they had when he’d been speaking to one of the secretaries across the room.

“you’re not even going to let me explain?” he asks after a breath. you can see the way he’s heaving. nearly panting as he mulls over his next words.

“explain?” you’re standing now. “it’s been years. what could you possibly need to explain to me now?”

“darling-“

“don’t.”

“are you going to keep cutting me off every time i open my mouth?” he asks softly. it’d been something you’d always loved about him. how soft his temper was, how he never even thought to raise his voice at you.

sighing, you grab at the sleeve of his button down. you’d attempted to put a hand on his wrist, but this would work well enough.

“not here,” you say.

once you’d found a secluded hallway, you let him speak.

“go on, then,” you gesture with your hands. a scrambled mess of a gesture with the tight grasp you have on the bag in your hand, but a gesture, nonetheless.

“it wasn’t my fault,” he starts. “i didn’t want to break up with you, darling.”

“of course you didn’t. just like you didn’t want to embarrass me in front of all of our mutual friends by dumping me on the platform,” you scoff. your tongue is bitter in your mouth as your throat tightens around the words.

“it was dumbledore, please. i had to keep you safe,” he says.

“you didn’t even do it like i thought you would’ve, remus. you told me you never wanted to see me again,” you say. “you made me hate you.”

“that’s all in the past,” he says.

“is it?”

“love, i promise you,” you’re not even sure what he’s pleading for, now, just that you can feel the warmth of his hand from where he’s placed it on yours. the heat flooding off his body in enclosed space he’s created between you.

“what do you want from me right now, rem,” you exhale.

“i just want you. all i’ve ever wanted was you.”

[delimeful]

carry them home (3)

warnings: arguing, mentions of murder/death, tension, cliffhanger

A/N: previous chapter's mention of Silver Guard changed to Iron Guard because i got my lycanthropes and my faeries mixed up :P

-

“Good afternoon,” Janus started, because if he was to be stripped of the element of surprise, he was at least going to handle the situation with grace. “I’m afraid there’s been a bit of a misund– ahm.”

He cut his sentence short, since two undersized hands had descended to pull at his cheeks with a careless, borderline-painful level of strength. Janus didn’t allow himself to wince or sputter at the childish gambit, simply narrowing his eyes and raising his eyebrows slightly into something unamused as he felt crumbs of dried mud tumble off his face.

“Re!” the fire sprite hissed, frozen where he was hovering above the others. “What are you doing?”

“Instigating,” Re replied, the shit-eating grin audible even though he was still standing behind Janus. “He broke Lo’s magic, so I’m tryin’ to see if he can blow someone up with his brain or something.”

Did that imply the kid was trying to get himself blown up?

“My magic didn’t fail,” Logan snapped, hurriedly climbing back to his feet. “Remus, let go of him. Explain yourself.”

Janus resisted the urge to grimace, the sour taste of compulsion rolling on the back of his tongue and then fading away as his makeshift blood rune drained the command of all its power. “Right, because that wasn’t exactly what I was just doing.”

The effect of his words– clearly unburdened by Logan’s charmspeak– was instantaneous, all the children growing tense and shifting closer to each other. Logan’s face went pinched and cold, the fire sprite looked downright alarmed, and Vee looked alarmed and pissed.

On his shoulders, Remus’s hands bit down with bruising force, a clear warning. “Do you want me to kill him?” he asked eagerly, as though excited about the very concept.

“Now, now,” Janus smoothly intercepted before Logan could respond. “That would be a rather poor way to repay a debt, wouldn’t it?”

The words, as always, held weight.

The tufts of feathers that lined Logan’s pointed ears flattened back, giving him the look of an angry cat. “You said you wanted the ring. It was a fair exchange.”

The utter naivete of that little accusation was enough to make Janus sigh, only riling the siren up further. “Humans lie, kid. But for the record, I was actually talking about your sense of hospitality. I offered you no malintent back in town, even gave you advice, and for all my graciousness, I currently seem to be… ah, yes, abducted and held against my will.”

“You unraveled my disguise in a dangerous place,” Logan returned, though some of the certainty had faded from his sharp tone. “I had no promise of safety from you.”

“And clearly, nor I from you,” Janus returned dryly. “I can tell you now, I had no intention of revealing you to the townsfolk, or anyone for that matter.”

The information didn’t seem to be as reassuring as Janus would’ve liked.

“Humans lie,” Logan echoed, his wings mantling slightly as he crossed his arms.

Using his own words against him. The kid was a quick learner, Janus thought with a smidge of amusement.

“True, but the proof is in my actions, not my words. If I wanted to cause you harm, all I would’ve needed to do was pull off your hood in the middle of a town currently crawling with the Iron Guard,” he told them, wishing his hands were untied so he could spread them in an extravagant flourish.

If his magic resistance had startled the children into wariness, his mention of the most notorious fae-hunting guild on the continent was enough to make most of them drop into downright fear.

“The Guard?” Vee spat, shrugging off Pat’s hands to struggle to his feet. “You’re full of it. This is way out of their normal routes.”

How curious, that a fae would speak so confidently about the routes of a hunter guild. Janus would have worried about it more if it wasn’t so clear that there was no lost love between the two.

Instead, he met the child’s poisonous glare evenly. “It is. But there was a sighting of a winged witch at the nearby spring, and so they came swarming down in hopes they’d get a shot at their most notorious enemy.”

Vee’s dark-edged eyes went suddenly wide, and behind him, Patton clasped his hands together in front of his chest and squealed excitedly, sounding remarkably similar to river ice creaking under the force of a current.

Re whooped loudly in response, and the flickering edges of the fire sprite seemed to solidify slightly as a hesitant, hopeful smile grew on his face as well.

Janus narrowed his eyes curiously. That was… not at all the sort of reaction he’d expected for news about the Guard.

“We must be getting close!” Patton said, the edges of his voice still burbling slightly.

“It might not be him,” Vee warned, but even he seemed oddly heartened. “Until we see evidence of the Guard, we don’t even know if the human is being honest or not. And even if it’s true, it’s still probably not him.”

“But it could be him!” the fire sprite returned brightly. “This could be just the lead we need to get our quest back on track!”

“And we could fight hunters on the way!” Remus added, a malicious grin audible in his voice.

“Nope.” Vee pointed at him with the stubborn sternness of someone who’d clearly learned to cut these ideas off at the root. “We are not doing that.”

“There’s no reason to abandon our plan just because of a rumor of a sighting,” Logan cut in, running a hand through his wing to carefully smooth down his ruffled feathers. “Vee’s foresight is a far more reliable method of guidance than hearsay from humans.”

Vee’s face scrunched up with uncertainty. “Is it, though?”

“What if the witch needs our help?” Patton asked, fingers worrying at the edge of his damp shirt. “The Guard could be after him, he could be in danger!”

“We could rescue him!” the fire sprite chimed in, gesturing valiantly with an ember-red hand that was visible within the flames. “And then he’d have to take us with him, right?”

“What happened to figuring out if we could trust him first?” Vee protested, turning half-away from Janus to pointedly cross his arms at the optimistic duo. “We’re not risking getting captured by the Guard for an adult we don’t even know!”

The fire sprite scowled, but Logan cut him off before he could respond.

“If he can’t even defend himself against the Guard, he’s not strong enough to protect us,” he said coldly. “We’re better off trying to find the haven itself.”

The pieces finally clicked together in Janus’s mind.

Oh. How… ironic.

“Ah, I see,” Janus said, and the attention of every child there immediately snapped back to him. “You’re seeking Sanctuary.”

An overlapping cavalcade of voices responded, ranging from “You know about Sanctuary?” to “We don’t have time for this,” to “What would you know about Sanctuary?”

Seeing as Logan was looking a few seconds from deciding to try a second round of enchantment on him, Janus chose to focus on the last one. “I know that it’s not real.”

Patton’s eyes went watery so quickly, it was as though Janus had personally kicked a puppy in front of him or something. Virgil stepped in front of him like he could physically shield him from the words, making a noise like a very angry rattlesnake.

“Many fairytales have a considerable basis in reality,” Logan replied, his expression somehow becoming even more closed off. “That you choose to not believe in the possibility is not—,”

Janus couldn’t help the bitter snort, shaking his head. “Oh, I certainly believed it. Right up until we were standing at the supposed gilded gates and found nothing but dirt and ash.”

“You were seeking Sanctuary?” the fire sprite asked, drifting a bit closer. His feet barely skimmed the ground as he moved, Janus noted with mild curiosity. The sprite was certainly the most ethereal of the lot.

Janus shrugged, forcing a casual air over the old, infected wound that was his experience with Sanctuary. “Fae aren’t the only ones that want to get away from the Guard. I'm telling you now: you're wasting your time. Give it up.”

There was a short gap of silence as that sunk in, and then–

“Liar,” Vee accused, his voice rough and those inky tear tracks visibly darkening. “You don’t know anything!”

Janus rolled his eyes. “Of course, of course. Since I’m so clueless, I’m sure you all wouldn’t mind letting me be on my way?”

“Not a chance,” said Vee, in a tone that promised violence.

“No,” said Logan in the same moment, his tone considerably more contemplative.

“No?” Janus asked, raising an eyebrow in silent judgment of his decision-making skills.

“No,” Logan confirmed. “We’re going to continue on our path to Sanctuary, and you’re coming with us.”

“I’m what,” Janus said flatly.

He’s what?” Three other pre-puberty voices shrieked at varying levels of horror and/or glee.

“A new friend!” Patton cheered, possibly the only person in the clearing who was actually fine with this.

“No, Patton—,” Logan sighed. “We’re taking him prisoner. Having a human around will be advantageous, and if he’s as familiar with the Guard’s typical routes as he claims, it will decrease the risk of our journey significantly.”

“By introducing a whole new risk?” Vee asked, his hands twitching as though he wanted to grab Logan’s shoulders and shake the sense back into him.

“Forcing him is kind of mean, isn’t it?” Patton said with a frown. “Why don’t we just ask for his help, instead?”

“Because, at the moment, there is no evidence to suggest that he is at all trustworthy, and I am not willing to bet any of our lives on a human’s word,” Logan told him firmly. “Let me be entirely clear: if we aren’t taking him with us, we are killing him.”

Patton seemed almost as displeased about the possibility as Janus. “No killing!”

“Dibs on the body!” Remus shouted.

“Dibs on the murder,” Vee grumbled, still glaring.

“I dunno, Lo,” the fire sprite mused. “I’ve never heard of a quest where the guide is a human.”

Logan inhaled, pinched the bridge of his nose for a good few seconds, and then exhaled slowly with a sort of exhaustion that Janus suspected was a side effect of managing four other fae children.

“I suppose,” the siren said dryly, “that we’ll just have to be the first.”

This seemed to be enough to intrigue the other child, though Janus was under no illusion that the fire sprite would particularly care if they ended up choosing the more lethal method of ‘dealing with the human’.

The siren turned and approached him, his magic stirring tangibly in the air. “Shall we figure out the terms of our Deal, then?”

The hairs on the back of Janus’s neck prickled, old memories and phantom pains alike making themselves known at the offer.

In the back of his mind, a little voice encouraged him to turn the tables: offering him exactly the wording he needed to twist this Deal into something that would hurt the other party instead of him in a vicious whisper. It wouldn’t be hard. He’d tricked more powerful opponents before.

With a low exhale, he straightened his back and looked at the ones in front of him directly. The children in front of him, no matter their origins.

“No,” he told them all, his voice composed and unbending. “I’d prefer to be a prisoner over a casualty, but not if it requires making a Deal.

“Find another way to ensure I won’t betray you, or follow through on your promised threat and kill me.”

[decennia]

I don't know who needs to fucking hear this, but I'm about to say it with my full chest:

SEVERUS SNAPE DESERVES NO RIGHTS, I SAID WHAT I SAID.

Why? I'll tell you why:

Let's start with Neville Longbottom. Often the butt of the joke, Neville was often played up for comedic effect, so I can understand why we never took the implications of his boggart seriously.

But the fact of the matter is: Neville Longbottom was more terrified of his potion's teacher than he was of Bellatrix Lestrange, a woman who was a proud Death Eater who tortured his parents into insanity, a fate several people throughout the series state as "worse than death."

I've heard the argument from Snape Apologists that Boggarts are "superficial" creatures, so they don't go much deeper for a fear of yours, and, having gleaned a recent and prevalent one, will shift into that. Hence why it would be Snape, who recently tormented Neville, rather than Bellatrix, who Neville has never met.

It still stands, however, that Bellatrix is a known Death Eater, and Snape was just his potion's teacher.

We also see from Harry's own experience with the boggart, that the boggart hesitated before turning into the dementor. It "chose" which of Harry's fears to become, Voldemort, or fear itself?

Now, because I always listen to both sides of a story, try and see it from both perspectives before I draw a conclusion, I asked myself "why?"

There never is a good reason for abuse, but I still tried to look at it from Snape's eyes. And the conclusion drawn was literally the same as almost every single motivation for every one of Snape's decisions: because of Lily.

Neville was born several hours before Harry, and was a contender for being "the Chosen One" (the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies) but Voldemort chose Harry.

By Snape's logic, it meant that if Voldemort had chosen Neville, Lily would've still been alive for him to woefully pine for from a distance.

And so he takes it out on a fucking c h i l d.

He abuses him, torments him, and even forces Neville to poison his pet toad, Trevor, who has been shown to be of incredible significance to Neville.

And when the potion doesn't poison Trevor? And actually proved to be a competent potion? Snape made his displeasure known by deducting five points from Gryffindor.

I know that's not a Big Deal™ in the grand scheme of things, but we have to remember that Neville was a CHILD.

Moving on from Neville, let's get to: Lily.

Remember what I said before, about Lily being his end-all and be-all for everything? I meant it.

I'm not saying she was the sole reason Snape became a Death Eater, but she was the "last straw."

Snape's dislike for muggles stemmed not from Lily (of course not, he loved her), but from his father. Yes, I remembered his father, Tobias Snape. The muggle, the abuser. Apples and trees, I guess. From what I recall, Tobias was never physically abusive towards Eileen, Snape's mother, but he was emotionally and mentally abusive towards her. This would be cause for resentment for any young child growing up in that environment.

But, for a moment, may I direct your attention to Harry James Potter?

Who grew up that exact same way with the Dursleys?

Who was also neglected (Severus was said to have ill-fitting, mismatched clothes, sound familiar?) but who also did not have Eileen there to protect him?

And did Harry ever become a member of a muggle hate group? (No. The answer is no, in case you all didn't remember that Very Important Detail of the series).

So, yes, Snape was abused, and no, I am not condoning it, I do sympathize with him on that front: no child should ever go through that. Ever. No matter the fucking child, there is no good reason for it. But do I condone his actions later on in life? Absolutely not.

Because he called Lily a "filthy mudblood."

Not just "mudblood", but a filthy one, too. And why did he do that? Because she defended him against his bullies. Yes, Sirius and James were bullies, I guess everyone's faves are a little problematic in this bitch.

And not only did he call her that, but he also was besties with people who fancied themselves the next generation of Death Eaters.

And when Lily asked him if he STILL intended on becoming one, he never gave her an answer, prompting her to sectumsempra all ties with him. Meaning, she probably gave him multiple chances to not be a raging bigot, none of which he took. Love of his life my fucking toe, gtfo—

Also, Snape obviously knew what his "friends" were doing at the time. Particularly, and especially, Mulciber's attack on Mary Macdonald.

Now, we can't talk about Lily without talking about James and the Marauders.

I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT THE MARAUDERS BULLIED SNAPE, OKAY? But listen up: still not a good enough reason to join the wizarding world's KKK. Actually there is no good reason, period, end of message, send tweet.

He loathed them so much, he literally gave zero fucks about their wellbeing.

Even though! Sirius' biggest crime against Severus is jokingly telling him to follow Remus Lupin under the Whomping Willow during that time of the month.

And Severus would swear that James' biggest crime against him (after "stealing" Lily, of course) would be stopping him from encountering the werewolf and saving his fucking life.

Where the fuck was that reciprocated energy when Snape KNEW that James was also marked for death?

Also, are you going to tell me, that with his ear so pressed to the ground about news on Lily, that he didn't know who the real rat was? That he didn't know that it was Peter Pettigrew? This is speculatory, but... Snape had to have known that Sirius was not the betrayer, he must've at least known it was Pettigrew, meaning he let an innocent man waste away in Azkaban and for what? Something that happened when they were kids? I wonder why Sirius is a "stray dog" idk probably because someone let him rot in Azkaban for thirteen years?

Don't even get me started on how he literally stepped over James' body to get to Lily's while Harry sat there crying. Please. Or the fact that he only wanted Lily spared? He literally said "yes, only her, please, Dark Lord, fuck that newborn"?

OKAY AND MY FINAL POINT BECAUSE THIS GOT TOO LONG AND HONESTLY I'M LITERALLY WAY TOO FUCKING ANGRY AT THIS POINT... I PRESENT TO THE COURT: THE CARROWS.

Severus had been made headmaster of Hogwarts, and what does he do? Allow the Carrows to torture muggleborns and first years. Eleven year olds. Disgusting. Please. What the fuck.

I don't think Severus Snape died a fucking hero, or in "penance." NOT when twelve hours prior, he'd been turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to eleven year olds screaming as the Cruciatus Curse was used on them.

Also, James never sexually harassed Lily? Wanna discuss sexual harassment? How does "waiting outside the Gryffindor common room until someone lets you in even though it has been made very clear that the person you want to speak to doesn't want to speak to you" sound?

I am not denying that Severus Snape is a tragic character; he's a very complex and somewhat interesting one, even. All I am saying is that I don't think saying "always" on the brink of death excuses any of your past actions. He's a martyr at best — having his sins "forgiven" by sacrificing himself for a just cause.

Yes, this is a hill I'm willing to die on. But, as always, I am open to a respectful conversation (not argument, conversation). If you disagree, I'd love to hear why. Try and change my mind; as long as you do so respectfully, I will hear you out.

[prfctethereal]

just another horror movie. | james potter

pairing: james potter x reader

chapter: one 

warnings: NSFW, smut, oral (male receiving), exhibitionism, talk of dead bodies, actual dead body, blood, vomiting

word count: 3.7k

read the prologue here or on ao3 here

summary: you and james take a quick detour through the woods, to have a bit of morning fun, but find something gruesome.

Three weeks earlier…

The quiet town of Hogwarts had never been quieter. It was typical though; towns that resided in the countryside of Scotland were often described as “quiet”, unbeknownst to most that it was anything but. Except, Hogwarts lived up to the stereotype. Peaceful, tame, quiet.

Quiet.

God, you needed some quiet.

Exam season was narrowing in, which meant endless nights of caffeine and random studying music that you found on spotify, its main purpose to help you concentrate. It was unfortunate, with the school year coming to a close, but you were determined to leave the year proud and satisfied with your work. Everything was going perfectly so far. Nothing could screw it up.

This is what you told yourself as you began your walk to school this morning. Leaving your house at seven in the morning on the dot had become the regular for you. Now that Summer was finally coming in, the walks were warm, without chilling breezes. You could feel comfortable with the wind in your hair and a light shirt on your back.

Something felt tranquil about this morning in particular. You didn’t feel held up or anxious. You didn’t even feel stressed as you busily organised your school bag this morning. You didn’t even blink an eye when you dropped your chemistry textbook on your foot. You were in a good mood. You were glowing.

Maybe it was because you had been getting some amazing sex from your amazing boyfriend lately.

Maybe.

But today wasn’t for what ifs. Today, you had one thing on your mind. A conversation needed to be had between you and your guidance counsellor, as the prospects of colleges were starting to roll around. Applications were beginning to close and your aspirations for life after high school were beginning to get clearer and clearer. You no longer wanted to be tied down in a small town, where the most important job you could get was at the Mayor’s office, sitting at a desk, listening to the complaints of highly egotistical citizens.

Wasn’t for you.

Your mind drifted off to your could-be life, and before you knew it, your legs had walked to your boyfriend’s house without you even realising. It was something unconscious and natural, something you were completely used to. The sight of the grand, three-story mansion that your lover lived in brought unprecedented comfort.

The spiralling pillars covered in the greenest of vines was something from a fairytale. A pale cerulean was painted across the panelling, giving a dream-like feel. Right above the front door housed a giant window, one that opened up into James’ bedroom.

Right. James.

Walking up the path, you felt comforted by the familiar sound of gravel beneath your feet. It reminded you of all the nights you had snuck up this very path to climb into James’ bedroom via the window. Nostalgic really.

Now you were here in broad daylight, ready to walk hand in hand with your boyfriend to school. Knocking on the front door, you were excited to see a nearly immediate opening of the door, with a very joyous boy standing there. His signature dopey smile glistened even brighter, as his eyes lingered over your clothed body a little longer than expected. His tongue shot out very quickly over the pink cushions of his lips, something you could’ve missed in a blink of an eye, but you didn’t. Laughing, he pushed his glasses up the nose of his bridge, before running his fingers through his unruly hair.

“Should we go then?” It sounded as though it was the first time James had spoken this morning, a fact that you didn’t mind, as your brain thought unholy things when listening to his gravely morning voice.

“Soon.” You mumbled, your voice trailing off slightly, as you stepped towards James, swinging your arms around the back of his neck. Taking a breath of his scent, you leaned forward, placing a delicate kiss upon his lips. They were slightly chapped, but you didn’t care.

It may have been a Summer day, but that wasn’t the only reason you were feeling hot.

Stopping yourself before you went too far, you pulled backwards, not before suggestively running your hands down James’ chest, smirking against his lips. “Come on, let's go.” You remarked playfully, smacking your hand lightly against James’ firm butt, which elicited a short laugh from the bubbly man.

So, hand in hand, you and James darted down his footpath, back into the street. Even more birds had woken up by now, with a choir of chirping serenading your descent into the bustling streets of Hogwarts.

Everything now seemed a little more public than you initially thought. Neighbours were waking up and going to work now too, giving no shorter than five second glances at you and James’ hand intertwined. You know what they would say; old people gossiped too much for your liking. It made you especially nervous, knowing that your parents didn’t know about your illicit relationship. Maybe it should stay that way. Well, before any neighbours get a little too gossipy in the weekly book club meetings.

“Are you listening to me?” James asked, snapping you out of your thoughtful haze. Blinking twice, you returned your attention to James, who’s eyes were laced with concern as he looked you over once again, eyebrows furrowed. “You seem out of it.”

“Oh, sorry.” Your voice came out almost silently as you looked away, flushed and embarrassed. “What were you talking about?”

“How I was going to fuck you so hard later today that you are going to struggle to walk.” James followed his statement with a dash of laughter, something that you mimicked like a pirate’s parrot.

“Well, I hope that’s not a joke, my dear.” You flashed a sly smile, looking James up and down. You both stopped walking, with James now admiring the way you were biting your lip, as if you were a siren trying to entrap him. Surely, you guys wouldn’t quickly dash away into the bush and go for a quickie right now, right?

James thought about it too, eyeing up someone’s poor hydrangea bush. Unfortunately, there would be too many witnesses, and exhibitionism wasn’t something you had both openly discussed before, although it wasn’t completely off the table.

“Lunch period.” James finally said, stopping his momentary halt, and marching forward.

“Lunch period?”

James leaned over, pressing his lips so close to your ear. His hot breath sent shivers down your spine, ones that ended in your core. “Meet me in the hallway between the chemistry and physics lab. I think there’s a new cupboard we could Christen.”

Giggling in excitement, you rubbed your fingers up the length of James’ arm, tugging him down the footpath, continuing your conversation about whatever. You learnt that he had a History test today, all about women earning the right to vote. You sighed as you listened to him talk about what he was passionate about, his stressed vowel sounds turning you on more than you would’ve thought.

Then came a predicament. An actual, real life crossroad. Right in front of you was where the footpath curved to the left, following along the road onto the main road through town. It was the way you went every day, with the road taking you directly to school when you walked along it, arriving perfectly at seven twenty-five every day. It was ideal.

This morning, though, you were feeling cheeky. From this footpath curve was another opportunity. The footpath also opened into a dirt path, something that twisted into the woods, or, as the conspiracy theorists of the town called it, the Forbidden Forest. It was hardly forbidden though; they literally took Scouts classes there, and those have kids as young as seven in them.

Feeling devilish, you paused James for a moment, the cogs turning over in your brain. You might arrive at school a little later than you first thought, but at least you would have some distance between the prying eyes of the Hogwarts neighbourhood. And maybe, you could have a little bit of fun too.

“James,” you smirked, tugging at the edge of his shirt, capturing his attention, something that wasn’t actually that hard to do, “shall we go for a detour this morning?”

Your eyes flashed over the forest and onto the quiet stillness of it. You could feel James’ heart rate speed up, but it wasn’t because he was scared. He was just as excited as you. It was like a switch had flicked on in his brain, although he was still hesitant, his feet still planted firmly on the ground.

“Are you sure?” James questioned. “How late is this going to make us?”

“Not that late at all.” You justified, mocking offence. “Oh, we should get there at maybe, quarter to eight? And besides, it’s fresh air, it’ll be good for us, and our lungs. Think of it as reversing the side effects of being around Sirius and Remus when they smoke all the time. Your lungs will thank us.”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works.” James laughed.

“How would you be so sure?”

“I’m the one that takes biology out of the two of us.”

You had to try another tactic, so, you jutted your bottom lip out of your mouth, putting on your best doe eyes, hoping you could flutter your eyelashes enough for him to give into temptation. “Please?”

A sigh escaped James lips as he seemed to give in. His reluctant look of worry was quickly replaced by an eager spark. Knitting his fingers in with yours, you two walked hand and hand together down the dirt path. The change of feeling beneath your feet was almost instantly recognisable, the normal, smooth, concrete path replaced by the rough dirt, and slight mud, even though it hadn't rained in days.

As you continued to wander down the path, you were suddenly covered in a canopy of shade, as the trees of the forest soon covered your heads. The route got a tad darker, the path no longer illuminated with the light of the sun, not that you minded though. You could still easily see where you were going.

You felt a little colder without the extra heat from the sun. You didn’t like the way goosebumps rose on your skin or the way you had to rub your hands along your arm to keep yourself warm. You felt out of control, a feeling of which you loathed. You didn’t want your perfect morning to be ruined by a little chill.

When you reached a tall, winding tree, you stopped James from his walk, pulling him off the path. Luckily, you had spotted a small dip in the earth, perfect to stay in, somewhere where regular bystanders wouldn’t find you. Happy with your discovery, you looked back at James, who had a puzzled look across his face.

“What’s going on?”

“Can I kiss you?” You asked breathlessly, your hands already getting fidgety. You wanted to be connected with James again, intertwined if you will. You needed to feel his skin, even if it was barely quarter past seven in the morning.

“Yes, love.” James breathed out, his voice quiet and shallow. WIth the consent, you leaned upwards, connecting your lips at last. It felt right to be pressed up against each other once again, even if it had been only yesterday when you had last felt such passion.

You deepened the kiss, feeling urgent to make the most of the short time you had together. Your mouths melded together almost perfectly, your lips pushing against each other like a playful pillow fight, one which you were determined to win.

Feeling mischievous, you reached to James’ hair, tugging lightly on his roots, an action you knew he liked. This action got the response you wanted from him, a needy moan, in which you took the opportunity to slip your tongue into his mouth, battling it out with his own, regaining confidence and dominance.

You pulled away, your cheeks flushed from the lack of oxygen. James looked disheveled but pleased, wanting to continue your little make out session, but unfortunately, you had limited time.

“Can I suck you off?” You whispered against his mouth innocently, looking up at his hazel eyes, brushing his hair off of his forehead. You could hear him gulp with nervousness, before nodding quickly, his hands making their way to his slacks.

You knew James was slipping into a mindset clouded by arousal, so you sank to your knees slowly in front of him, still looking up at him through your long lashes. On your journey downwards, you carefully unzipped the zipper on his pants, pulling them down to ankles, until he was clad in only his boxers.

Lifting yourself up slightly onto the balls of your feet, you kissed him lightly on the outside of his boxers, feathering gentle kisses. You knew you were being a tease, but you needed him nice and hard. As you felt his bulge setting like cement under your lips, you lifted your hands up, joining your lips so you could palm him, stroking the material.

When James started moaning, - “oh please, stop teasing, I beg you,” - you released him from the cage of his underwear, dragging the clothing down the apex of his things, watching the muscles twitch in excitement. There, James’ half hard cock laid against his thighs, the tip a gentle rouge colour.

Your fingers grazed over his prick, lightly tracing a prominent vein of the underside of the sex muscle. James groaned in pleasure, the teasing getting too much for him to handle. Feeling benevolent, you dribbled saliva over the tip of the cock, before wrapping your entire hand around it. You started stroking harder and faster, making sure James could feel all of you in a way you hand. He was starting to fall apart above you, but it wasn;t enough.

“So- so good.” James murmured, his eyes gently shutting as he became lost in the feeling. “Don’t stop, please don’t stop. I love your hands, so perfect, so precise. Perfect for me, precise for me.”

“It was like you were made for me.” You agreed with the raven haired boy, before bringing your lips down to the tip of his penis. This action shocked James, but the whimper out of his mouth made you know he was enjoying it. Living from the excitement of the exhibisionist route, you swiveled your tongue across the tip, reaching down the length of the cock, savouring his taste.

“Right there.” James moane, as you brung the rest of your mouth down over his now fully hard cock, reveling in the flavour of the salty precum that was leaking from his angry tip. With a smooth rhythm, you bobbed your head up and down on James’ cock, the sound of his moans itching you on.

You knew you were running out of time, and you still wanted him to cum, so you sped up your movements on James’ cock, stroking the base of his cock, which could not fit in your mouth. Adding to the pleasure, you let your hands move downwards a bit more, so they played gently with James’ hanging balls.

This applied pressure was becoming too much for James, as his breath became laboured and a tingling feeling was nearly bursting at his cock. “I’m gonna cum, please, I’m going to do it.”

You lifted your mouth off of James’ cock, just to murmur, “let go.” James, with your permission, spurted his cum across your hands. Eager to savour him, you opened your mouth, catching as much of the milking substance as possible, not wanting to waste any of it. Jacking James off through the entire thing, you watched as his orgasm crashed over him entirely, the way his face contorted in pleasure almost being the most beautiful portrait to you.

Licking the rest of his cum off of your fingers, you stood up, wiping your knees off, as the dirt sticking to you was becoming slightly uncomfortable. While you stood up, you reached from the top of James’ pants, pulling them upwards as you went.

“Thanks.” James almost laughed, except he still sounded out of breath, which was very reasonable though. You did just suck the life out of him. His fingers worked quickly, rearranging his pants, and cock, so that you both could continue on your way to school.

As you waited for James to finish cleaning himself up, your nose turned upwards. There was a strange smell coming from the area, one you didn’t notice before when you were on your knees in front of James. It was a smell that you were relatively unfamiliar with, but all you knew was that it stank like rotten meat.

“Can you smell that?” You asked James, looking off into the little ditch you were beside. Wherever you were, it seemed that it had been recently disturbed. Broken twigs snapped into pieces laid amongst crunched up leaves. If you squinted, you were sure you could even make out that faintest of footprints on the ground. It was odd, but nothing you haven't seen before in the woods. The smell on the other hand…

“Smells like thrown out vegetables.” James readjusted his glasses before holding out his hand, inviting you to close your fingers in with his. “I bet some old granny thought it would be a good idea to throw out their compost in the woods. If the council found out, they would have a fit. You know all about their weirdly tight rules on littering? It’s not even bad for the environment.”

You had stopped listening a while ago. Something didn’t feel right, but it was nothing you could sort out now. You weren’t satisfied but you turned back towards James anyway, knowing that you needed to head off to school or you would be running a little bit behind schedule. As you turned around, you noticed James’ face morph from a cheeky grin to a concerned frown.

“What is it?” You pondered, stepping towards James, matching his pear-shaped frown with one of your own.

“Did you cut yourself when you were on your knees?”

“Huh?”

“Look.” James bent down to look at your knees and you turned your head down too. What you thought had just been a bit of dirt must’ve been something else. Your knees were covered in a browny-red, maybe a maroon colour. It looked as though your entire knee had been cut open, as blood was still dripping from your skin, but that couldn’t be right. You felt no pain on your knee. You hadn’t cut yourself.

Swiping your fingers across your knee, you gathered some of the drying blood on your fingers. This was the first time you had looked at your hands since you wiped off your knees before and you saw that you had smudged blood stains all across your palm. You nearly barfed on the spot. You felt incredibly uneasy, like a stormy ocean filled your stomach.

You lifted your fingers up to your nose, a theory hypothesising into your head, and you were right. The smell of the blood matched the rotten meat smell you could smell before. As if you were a dog, the odor latched onto your nose and expanded, its putrid smell being the only thing in your senses.

“I'm going to be sick.” You doubled over a rock. Resting your hand against a boulder, you hovered downwards over a patch of leaves, letting your breakfast out. Your head was reeling as you could still smell the retching odor of the old blood. You couldn’t get it out of your mind, so you leaned over again, round two of the hurling intervention.

James rushed over to you, placing his warm hands on your back, rubbing soothing circles. He wished he could say that his main focus was to make you feel better, but it wasn’t. Over in the deepest part of the dish, he noticed something strange. It was almost like a small lump in the ground, something unnatural. It seemed to be covered very messily by old leaves and sticks, and an entire tree branch, as if it would make it any less inconspicuous. It even had that opposite of the desired effect, seemingly sticking out like a sore thumb.

“Darling,” James waited until you lifted your head back up, regaining your breath once again, “what do you think that is?”

James’ hand pointed into the direction of the ditch, in which you followed his eyesight and body movements. You could see it too; just a lump in the ground. Your mind was racing of what it could be. A dead animal? A pile of rotten food? Maybe a…

“Holy shit!” You had only just realised that James had already walked over there, except his body was covering your eye line, and you couldn’t actually see what James had found. Although, he told you immediately. “Quick, call the police. It’s a body.”

A dead body in Hogwarts? Making sure you didn’t lose any more of your stomach through puking, you rushed onto the path in the woods, grabbing your phone out of your pocket, hoping you could get service all the way out here in the woods. Fumbling to turn your phone on, you nearly groaned out in annoyance when you saw that you were getting no bars of service.

Running back to James, you couldn’t stop at the moment. You called out to him, your words a blurred mess, trying to convey to him that you were going to find someone to help. Unsure if he had even heard you, you ran back down the path, your feet carrying you to where you needed to go, unable to bring yourself to a cohesive thought.

When you exited the forest, you flicked your head around, trying to find someone, anyone, that could help in the moment. The first person you saw was your calculus teacher, Mr Slughorn, to which you promptly called out to.

“Mr Slughorn!” You cupped your hands around your mouth to project your words across louder. Mr Slughorn snapped his head around and gave a friendly wave. Annoyed, you shook your head. “Call the police!”

“What?” He called back, walking towards you now. You groaned, trying again.

“There's a dead body in the forest. Call the police!”

***

lmao. anyway this has become a series whoops.

[the-duke-of-nuts]

Is This Coffee Hot Or Is It Just You?

Day 3: Coffee Shop @dukexietyweek 

Summary: Virgil finds out that a certain someone happens to work at the local coffee shop

Pairing: Dukexiety

Word Count: 1389

Warnings: Food Mention, Innuendos, Violence Mention, Literally all of my fics contain swearing so there’s that I guess

Tag List: @idontcareaboutcanon (If anyone else wants to be added just let me know)

Ah Coffee shops. Virgil never understood the appeal about a place filled with nothing but caffine, free WIFI, hipsters, and pastries. He certainly also didn't understand why he agreed to go to the local one near his apartment that his friends kept oh so begging him to go to for some reason. Well, by "friends" it was mostly Patton and Roman. His other two friends could care less about the place just as much as him. But here he was opening the door to the quiet semi-crowded shop. There was an oddly comforting atmosphere to it. The lights were dim, random relaxing music can be heard through the speakers, various different tea boxes and mugs hung on the shelves. "Maybe this place isn't so bad." Virgil thought to himself as he looked around the room. He walked forward to the counter as he happened to be the next person in line but then he saw him.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Remus Pierce. The same Remus Pierce that always flirted with him in high school. The same Remus Pierce that casually ate juiced bread at lunch to gross people out. The same Remus Pierce that Virgil secretly had a crush- 

"Well hello there customer~ What can I get you~?" The said mustached, silver streaked hair barista asked smirking. "Coffee." Virgil deadpanned. "I'm afraid you're gonna need to be more specific than that." "Like my soul." Virgil glared. "Alright so black it is. And a name?" Remus smirked as he uncapped a marker and held an empty coffee cup. "Oh my god Remus you already know my-" Virgil took a deep breath in so he could stop himself from getting angry and causing an unnecessary scene and answered with a fake smile "Virgil." "I'm sorry can you spell that for me please? I don't wanna misspell a hottie like yours name like everybody else here does to the other customers."

That damn cocky smirk.

Virgil just wanted to kiss- punch that smug look off his face. "V-I-R-G-I-L." "Okay S-E-X-Y got it. Your beverage should be hot and ready for you shortly." Remus winked and booped Virgil's nose as he walked off to go make the emo's coffee. Virgil growled blushing and buried his face in his hands.

Damn him for being so hot- horrible!

Remus soon came back with Virgil's coffee and dramatically bowed as he held the cup for him to take."For you, my 'Bittersweet Symphony'. "Thanks..." Virgil hesitantly took the beverage. "How much?" He asked as he placed the cup down and reached for his wallet. "Oh for you it's on the house!" "Thanks I guess?" Remus smiled and responded with a nod and a hum.

You gorgeous fuck stop smiling!

Virgil's heart started beating a little faster. Surely Remus wasn't having this effect on him right? They've known each other since high school. There was nothing to be nervous about. The only reason Virgil didn't hear much about the barista after that was because Roman hardly ever talked about him. "So... You work here." Virgil stated as he tried to start a conversation. "Yup! Have been for a couple of months now. What about you? Do you do anything nowadays?" "Of course I do I do a lot of stuff!" Virgil immediately answered. " Oh really? Like what?" Remus asked amused. "Stuff..." Virgil half mumbled as he looked away. Remus cackled.

That disgustingly beautiful laugh.

"Vee Vee, I've known you long enough to know that you're not fully being honest because you're either 1, ashamed or 2, scared of what I'm gonna say. Now c'mon what do you actually do? I promise I won't judge." Virgil blushed. Was he really that readable?

"Fine. It's not like you care or anything but I write poems and sell them."

"Nice. Maybe one of these days you can read me one of your angsty emo sonnets. OOH! Or better yet I can help you write some juicy-"

"Not happening!"

"Fine fine suit yourself." Remus chuckled. "So what brings you here Finding Emo?"

"Prince Drama Queen and Chocolate Chip Cookies."

"Ah so Romano and Patty. That figures. You sure it wasn't for another reason~?"

"No?"

"C'mon admit it. I know you missed me~" Remus smirked playfully pinching Virgil's cheek. "I didn't even know you worked here!" Virgil blushed as he swatted Remus' hand away. "Yeah but now you do and you can see me aaaaanytime you want." "Whatever..." Virgil crossed his arms and looked away.

There soon became a silence between them. Since when did Remus' eyes get prettier? Maybe it was the eyeshadow? No he always had that. Maybe it was because they were a deep chocolate brown? His hair and lips definitely looked softer and- Shit! Virgil was staring!

Get out of there! Get out of there now!

"Anyways I should get going and uh-" Virgil cleared his throat as he picked up his coffee and turned around to leave as quick as possible but Remus stopped him. "Wait uh Virgil, can I ask you something?" Ah yes every anxiety-ridden person's favorite question. "You just did." Virgil deadpanned trying to play off his anxiousness. "You know what I meant!" Remus said slightly irritated.

"Fine. What is it?"

"Okay so I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out together later after my shift?"

Virgil blushed. "Like a date?" "If you want it to be~" Remus wiggled his eyebrows and winked. "But in all seriousness yeah kind of." A date!? Remus was far from being the romantic type. This had to be a trick right!?

"Remus I-"

"Look, I know you don't like me much and you probably hate me, but just give me this one chance... Please?" Remus took Virgil's hand and gave him a pleading look. Virgil unconsciously held Remus' hand tighter staring into his eyes. He felt bad. Did Remus really think he actually hated him? That was far from the truth. Virgil loved him. He loved him so damn much since the moment he first laid eyes on him. He just didn't know how to tell him. Let alone show him. 

Virgil sighed. "Fine. One date and that's it. If I actually have a good time, I'll maybe consider going on some more with you. If not, then whatever we have going on between us isn't happening.” That was an obvious lie. Virgil would've agreed to go on countless ones regardless of the outcome and accept to being Remus' boyfriend if he asked but he never wanted to actually admit that to the barista's face.

"I won't disappoint!" Remus smiled getting a little excited. "Yeah yeah whatever. Just out of curiosity, what exactly is this date?" Virgil asked knowing fully well that this "date" the barista had planned was far from his twin's definition. Remus smirked and leaned forward for only Virgil to hear. "Two words. Baseball bats and breaking shit." There's the Remus he knew and loved.

Still chaotic as ever.

Virgil smiled. "Alright you've piqued my interest." "I'm glad I did. If I'm lucky, we both know what happens after the first date~" Remus smirked wiggling his eyebrows. "Shut up. You wish." Virgil blushed holding back a laugh and playfully pushed Remus' face away. Remus cackled.

"A man can fantasize."

"Yeah a little too much."

"So you have thought about-"

"Pierce! Stop flirting with the customers and get back to work!"

Remus rolled his eyes annoyed at his manager's voice in the distance. "I gotta go. My shift ends in like 2 hours and I put my number on the cup so just call or text me or come back by then." "Alright." Remus smirked. "What!?" Virgil blushed confused but immediately realized what that smirk meant.

Oh no.

Remus practically made this phrase a tradition everytime they said bye to each other. "I love you no homo." Yup there it was. Virgil sighed and facepalmed "I love you too no homo..." Remus smiled satisfied that Virgil still said it back since the day they first met.

"Later."

"Later."

 Virgil picked his coffee up and left and smiled to himself as soon as he went outside. After all of these years, he's still a dork. That's what Virgil always loved about Remus. And with that final thought, Virgil finally sipped his coffee and his smile grew wider.

He remembered exactly how I liked it.

[heyitssmiller]

Clandestine - Chapter Two

Alright people, say it with me: Trust Issues. Also Finn goes from zero to one hundred real fast.

This is definitely a filler chapter; we’ll get to more spy stuff next chapter.

@lumosinlove

Chapter One

.

Finn made sure to get to the office early enough to have time for a trip down to the Archives, his second cup of coffee in hand as he took the elevator up to the fifth floor of the building. He needed intel. Not on the Snakes – they were getting briefed on them later today. No, he was looking for files on his new partners.

Granted, he could learn a lot from observing them on his own time, but that could only give him so much. In order to get the full picture, he needed their hometowns, history, information about their families, jobs they’d done in the past, you name it. Because, for one of the only times in his life, he was stumped. His entire job was based on how well he could read people; this was frustratingly unusual.

Unusually frustrating? Finn questioned as elevator opened with a ding.

It was both frustrating and unusual. There.

Figuring Logan out was harder than he’d thought it would be. Finn was having a really hard time connecting the Logan he knew from two months ago to the one he was trying to get to know now. He was so different compared to the version of Logan he’d met at the New Year’s party… but alcohol tended to have that effect on people. The guy who cuddled with him on that ratty old couch while nursing a rum and coke now kept his distance. The easy smile and contagious laugh Finn remembered hadn’t been seen or heard since. He was so guarded. About everything, it seemed like. That made him hard to get to know, hard to predict. 

And then there was Leo. Leo made absolutely no sense, in Finn’s opinion. With constant movement but controlled, practiced actions, he was a paradoxical combination of restless and serene. His nerves pointed towards inexperience, but his eyes told a different story – one with complete confidence of his capabilities. He was an enigma. And Finn couldn’t seem to get a read on him.

That was important to Finn. He needed to be able to read and understand his partners. He needed to be able to know their thoughts, predict their every move, trust them. They wouldn’t work together otherwise.

So he woke up at a god-forsaken hour – it was still dark outside – and here he was, outside the Archives.

Staring at the back, broad shoulders, and brown hair of one of his new partners.

Fuck.

He put on a smile. “If I’d known I was meeting you here, I would’ve brought coffee for you.”

Logan didn’t tense, exactly, but his shoulders stiffened slightly. He turned and smiled back. It still wasn’t the smile Finn remembered from that night, wasn’t the one he wanted to see again so badly. “Hey. I see you had the same idea as me.”

“And what’s that?”

He shrugged, indifferent. “Getting intel on your new partners.”

“Nah,” Finn lied as they walked side-by-side to the front desk, “I’m here to brush up on the previous missions against the Snakes’ before our briefing this afternoon. But it’s nice that you want to do your research on us.” He winked. Logan’s lips twitched in an attempt to withhold a smile.

“Can I help you boys?”

Finn turned his bright smile to Lily Potter, who was manning the Archives desk. “Hello, my fellow redhead! We would like the files on past Snakes’ missions, and then the files on Knut, Tremblay, and yours truly, please.”

She arched an eyebrow. “How much time do you have on your hands?”

“Don’t have anything on my schedule until this afternoon. Why?”

“The missions will take you at least two days to get through. It’s probably eight, ten years of files.”

Finn whistled lowly. “Holy shit.”

He hadn’t really thought this through. In his defense, though, it was a spur of the moment idea.

“Well, just the other files, then. Someone over here wants to do research on his new partners.”

Lily sent Logan a curious glance, but left to grab the files. Finn turned to Logan with a flirtatious smile, resting his arm on the desk. “So, what all do you want to know? I’m an open book.”

“I seriously doubt that.”  Logan snorted, nose crinkling in the process.

Finn’s smile turned more genuine. God, he was cute. “Ok, then ask away. Here, I’ll help you out. I’m a Gemini, I graduated from Harvard, I’m a sucker for green eyes, I enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach as long as there’s no seaweed-”

“Why would you think any of that is relevant?”

“I give you all this information and that’s the first question you ask? I’m offended.” Lily chose that moment to return with three files, two significantly thicker than the other one. Finn thanked her and grabbed Logan’s file for himself before passing the other two to Logan.

“Have fun researching!” Finn said as he turned to head for the elevator again. He paused before looking back at Logan and adding with a wink, “Oh, and pass along Nut’s file to me when you’re done reading it.”

***

Remus stepped foot into the briefing room to find Sirius already there, messing with a laptop. Where he got said laptop was unknown. And a little worrying, seeing that he’d shown up in Gryffindor with a bag of clothes, some cash, and nothing else.

He glanced up at Remus and looked him over with a smile. “Good afternoon. Long time, no see.”

“What are you up to?” Remus asked as he set his bag down, clutching his cup of tea in his other hand and looking back at Sirius. There were bags under his eyes, reminding Remus of the fact that he was still sleeping on his couch. Sleeping was a loose term, though. He had also been awake when Remus had gone to bed and when he got up in the morning. Did the man ever sleep?

“Oh, nothing much.” Sirius said, hitting a few keys on the laptop in rapid succession. “Getting ready to brief the cubs.”

“The cubs?”

“Your logo is a lion. And they’re the youngest ones here, right? Hence the cubs.”

“Cute.” Remus sat down in one of the chairs with a sigh and took a sip of his tea. “So what are you briefing them on today?”

“Members of the Snakes. I have a powerpoint with pictures and everything.”

“Oh god.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus. “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Better than me droning on and expecting them to stay focused.”

“They’re spies. Sometimes, that’s part of the job.”

“Sure. But it doesn’t have to be.”

Remus smiled a little at that. “How thoughtful of you.”

“I try.”

He hummed, cupping his mug with both hands. “You know, if you were really thoughtful you’d stop leaving your dishes in the sink.”

That startled a laugh out of Sirius. “Now, why would I do that when it’s so fun to get on your nerves?”

“You don’t get on my nerves.”

Sirius arched an eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” He took another sip of tea to hide his smile. “I’m a very patient man.”

Sirius was still laughing by the time Knut, O’Hara, and Tremblay entered the room. They all sat side by side, not really talking much and still a little unsure of each other. That needed to change soon. You couldn’t afford to be doubting your partners while on missions like the ones they’d be getting into.

“Alright, cubs! Let’s get started, shall we?” Sirius asked, connecting the laptop to the room’s projector. “Today we’re going over the members of the Snakes and what all you need to know about them.”

An animated picture of a snake in a party hat showed up on the projector. Remus sighed.

“Ok, so we’ll start at the top.” He switched to the next slide. “This is Riddle. Fuck Riddle. He’s in charge of every little detail of the Snakes, and very paranoid about handing over tasks to other members. He’s got a lot of messed up ideas about ethics and – well, pretty much everything.”

“What’s wrong with his eyes?” Logan asked, still staring uncomfortably at the yellow eyes on the screen.

Sirius shrugged. “I think it’s a genetics thing. Something about liver issues. I never really paid attention. On to the next member!”

A picture of a greasy-haired man with a sour expression on his face glared back at them.

“Snape.” Remus said with disdain. At Sirius’ look, he just shrugged. “Pots has gone up against him a few times. He hates the guy and makes sure everyone knows it. He works in the drug side of their operation.”

“Exactly.” Sirius smiled, which proved to be more distracting than Remus thought it would be. There had been teasing smiles, flirty smiles, sarcastic smiles, but this one was new. This was one of the first genuine smiles he’d seen from the ex-Snake. “I think I like Potter a little more now.”

“I think you two could actually be really good friends, and that terrifies me.”

“Ok, next is Bellatrix. Please, please avoid her as much as possible. She’s certifiably insane.”

Finn frowned. “She’s got one of the flash drives, right?”

“Unfortunately, yes. So it’s going to be up to you to distract her and Leo to grab the drive, probably.”

Both boys paled a little, then looked to each other, seeming to have a silent conversation all their own.

Sirius moved on to the next slide, where a man with cold eyes and a feral smile looked back at them. “This is Fenrir Greyback. Don’t fuck around with this one, he’s ruthless.”

Finn and Logan’s eyes snapped over to Loops, who looked pale and slightly nauseous. His hand was on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, massaging the muscle absentmindedly. Not for the first time, Finn wondered what exactly happened on that mission. All he knew was that Loops was supposed to take Greyback down and he came back with a mutilated shoulder and new cuts on his face that were sure to scar. He hadn’t been back in the field since.

Leo’s gaze moved from one person in the room to the next, slowly piecing together the story. He didn’t know all the details yet, but he knew they couldn’t be good.

Sirius, who was still talking, finally seemed to connect the dots. His eyes got wide and his sentence trailed off to remain incomplete. He stared at Loops in horror. “Fuck.”

“I think that’s enough for today.” Leo said quietly but firmly, getting out of his seat while giving Remus a meaningful look. His partners followed suit. “We can pick this up again tomorrow.”

The three of them left in a hurry, leaving Sirius and Remus alone. Remus started grabbing his meticulously organized notes and shoved them in his bag. He could feel Sirius’ gaze on him, but he refused to look up.

“Listen, Remus, I had no idea –”

“Of course you didn’t.” Remus cut in calmly. “How could you have known? Hell, you probably congratulated him after that mission –”

“That’s not true –”

“But you were there. You knew what he did to people and yet you just stood by.”

“Why do you think I left?” Sirius demanded, his voice raising. Remus finally met his gaze. “You weren’t the only one who got screwed over by the Snakes. I grew up watching that shit, just assuming it was normal because that’s the way it’s always been there. And then I realized my parents were monsters and started thinking for myself and realized how fucked up that organization is. Do you really think I’d be here if I condoned that sort of shit?”

“Honestly? I wasn’t sure you cared. The only motivation for wanting to take the Snakes down that you’ve deigned to share with us is that you want your brother safe. You’ve never said anything about how you feel about the organization itself.”

“What are you smoking?” Sirius asked with an incredulous laugh. “I want my brother safe because he’s in that hellhole. What other reason –”

“Then tell us that!” Remus shouted, finally getting Sirius to stop talking. “You keep everything so close to your chest, you don’t seem to want to interact with any of us, and you don’t tell us anything but the bare minimum. How are we supposed to get anything done if we can’t trust you?”

“That’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? I swear, you’re one of the most guarded people I’ve ever met!”

“Well, you don’t really need to get to know me, do you?” Remus fired back. Sirius froze. “You’re here to take the Snakes down. That’s it. When all this is done, it’s not like you’re going to stay. You don’t have to trust me as a friend, but trust me as an agent.”

“That’s it, huh?” Sirius asked, voice dangerously blank.

“That’s it.”

“Fine.” He said gruffly, slamming the laptop closed and grabbing his jacket from the back of a nearby chair. “I’m headed out. Don’t wait up.”

Remus sighed, staring down at his mug and swirling the now-cold contents. Even though they’d gotten along surprisingly well the past couple of days, they weren’t friends. And they didn’t need to be friends. This was business. They were working together to get a job done. That was all. 

Remus knew that the two of them getting along so well was like an already-lit fuse - it was bound to blow up in their faces sooner rather than later. 

***

Finn walked into the safe room, whistling lowly as he looked around. He’d never been in here before – he hadn’t had a reason to. There were safes of all different types and sizes littered around the room. On tables, on the floor, embedded in the walls. He wondered how many safes there were total, and how long it had taken to collect them all.

Leo was seated criss-cross-applesauce in front of one, pressing a stethoscope against the door of a safe and rotating the dial slowly. Finn smiled a little at the sight. This made more sense, seeing it in action. The constant fidgeting was replaced with stillness, the only movement being those of deft fingers against the dial. All that motion and pent-up energy were now focused solely on the safe. 

He walked up to Leo, completely unnoticed, and tapped on his shoulder. Leo jumped a foot into the air, yanking the stethoscope out of his ears and whirling around to look at Finn. “Fuck, you scared me.”

“Sorry, Nut.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Coming to see you, obviously.” Finn said with a wink. “Tremblay and I were wondering if you wanted to get dinner with us. You know,” Finn made a weird motion with his hand and then cringed, moving his hand behind his back and grabbing it with his other hand to keep from performing any more weird, random movements. “Get to know the team and all that.”

Leo’s smile lit up the room. “I’d love to! Y’all headed out right now?”

Y’all.

Wow, his genteel southern-boy routine could really take him places in this profession. With that combined with his looks, no one would ever think he could possibly be guilty of anything.

“Probably. It’s almost seven.”

Leo blinked, confused. “Is it?” At Finn’s nod, he uncrossed his legs and stretched, his back popping in the process. “Guess we should get going then, huh?”

“Yeah.” Finn held out a hand and helped the blond to his feet. He really was just a giant. How did he find clothes that fit him? Finn glanced down at Leo’s shirtsleeves and - sure enough - they were an inch or two above his wrists. He realized he was sort of staring at this guy’s wrists, of all things, and his eyes shot back up to meet kind, albeit confused, blue eyes. “We were thinking Sid’s for dinner? You been there before?” When Leo shook his head, he groaned. “You’re missing out, Nut. We’re fixing that right now. Come on.”

He led Leo back down the hall to the bullpen, where Logan was still pouring over files. How he ever expected to get through the huge pile of files on his desk, Finn had no idea. “Look alive, Tremblay. We’re getting pizza.”

Logan instantly looked up with a hopeful smile. “Sid’s?”

“Where else?” Finn laughed as Logan shot out of his seat and grabbed his coat. He’d never seen the other agent move so fast. “Hungry?”

Logan turned to look at him, his arm getting stuck in the sleeve of his coat. He grumbled under his breath in a language that definitely wasn’t English and shoved his arm into his sleeve. “I’m going to eat an entire pizza and you can’t stop me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

They stepped out of the building together, taking a right and heading down the street. It wasn’t actually that cold outside, for a Gryffindor winter – only thirty-five degrees or so. But Nut still shoved his hands into his pockets and nuzzled his nose into his coat. Finn couldn’t hold back the smile at the sight, noticing red-tipped ears and a slight shiver.

“Cold, Nut?” Logan asked, also noticing the blond’s hunched shoulders.

He looked at his new partners, then buried his nose again. “Don’t judge me. New Orleans winters aren’t nearly this bad.”

“New Orleans, huh?” Logan questioned, although Finn knew he was already aware of Leo’s hometown. It was in his file, after all. “I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“Ooh, yes!” Finn agreed, leading them around a corner. “The home of Mardis Gras.”

Leo shrugged. “If we’re being technical Mobile, Alabama had the first Mardis Gras celebration in the States. We just do it better. There’s a ton of people, though. If you really want to see the city, come at a better time in the year.” He sent the other two boys a smile. “Maybe summer, so you can experience real southern heat. And humidity.”

“No thanks.” They said in unison, making Leo laugh. The conversation trailed off as they waited for the sign at a crosswalk.

“Where are the two of you from?” Leo finally asked as the red hand morphed into a walking man and the ticking from the crosswalk speakers changed tempo. They stepped into the street with Logan staring down cars that could potentially start moving again and hit them.

Finn thought that was cute.

Maybe Finn was looking at his personality the wrong way. Guarded wasn’t the right adjective for him - protective fit much better.

“New York City.” He rushed to answer Leo’s question as they reached the other side of the street, pointing out the Sid’s sign for Leo.

“Canada.” Logan said a bit gruffly, but you could hear the fondness in his voice.

Leo arched an eyebrow. “Now I understand why you’re so accustomed to the cold.”

Finn held open the door to Sid’s, motioning for the other two to go on ahead. “You’ll get used to it, too, Nut. Logan, can you believe he’s never had Sid’s before?”

Logan went off on a tangent about the perfection that is Sid’s margherita pizza as they were led to their table by a young waiter, who eyed them curiously. They sat down and Finn noticed Logan choosing a seat facing the rest of the restaurant, back to the wall. He looked around at the others in the building, only relaxing when he deemed the coast to be clear.

They quickly looked over the menu, Finn and Logan giving recommendations about their favorite dishes (practically all of them) and began telling lighthearted stories about where they were from and how they grew up while waiting for their food. Leo’s leg was constantly bouncing under the table, but he looked happy and relaxed, which Finn took as a good sign. Finn finally, finally got one of those rare New Year’s party smiles again, as well as a new sunny, dimpled smile from Leo - both of which he really wanted to keep seeing.

He didn’t understand why he was making such a big deal of causing his partners to smile.

Ok, he might’ve had a slight idea. But he didn’t want to think about it too hard. Not yet, at least.

It was only when their pizzas arrived that Logan brought out the big guns.

“So what made you decide to do this for a living?” He asked, sticking his tongue out to catch a stray string of cheese from his pizza slice. Finn tried not to follow the motion too closely, for his own sanity. “For me, it was Dumo. He was our next-door neighbor growing up, after we moved from Canada. I remember he was always away on business trips, but he would  come back looking exhausted and a little beat up. I’d go visit Celeste while he was away – she was always so worried, so I knew something was up. I can’t remember exactly how I found out, but I think I was thirteen or so when I figured out what his job was.” Logan shrugged. “Nothing else really interested me after that.”

“You guys are close, then?” Leo asked, maintaining eye contact with Logan and grabbing the container of red pepper flakes, liberally adding it to his pizza. Finn watched on in horror. Had he previously burned all his taste buds off or something?

Logan smiled. “Yeah. He’s like a dad to me. The whole family’s great. I babysit their kids all the time.”

That was a mental image Finn would be thinking about for the foreseeable future. God, he was screwed, wasn’t he?

He hurried to talk and take his mind off of it. “I got recruited right out of college. I’ve got a good memory and a knack for predicting people and how they’ll react to things. I jumped at the opportunity.” 

He smiled fondly at the memories his mind brought up. “My brother and I grew up on James Bond movies. How cool would it be to do that for my career? So I joined. The obvious next step was becoming a conman, I guess. It’s where I fit best.”

They looked to Leo, who seemed mildly embarrassed. “My Mama caught me pickpocketing on Bourbon Street.”

Logan and Finn took a moment to process that, and then cracked up. Leo waited for them to calm back down, smiling sheepishly before he continued, “She said if I was going to do stuff like that, I should at least be doing some good in the world. So she googled and found Gryffindor and asked some recruiters to meet with me. I came home from school one day to Blizzard and Talker sitting on my couch, eating my mom’s jambalaya.” Logan and Finn laughed again while Leo dragged his crust through some marinara sauce. “Next thing I knew, I was driving a moving truck across the country.”

“Do you miss home?” Logan asked, finally shoving his plate away.

Leo shrugged, looking back and forth between the other two knowingly. “Doesn’t everyone miss home, in one way or another?”

Finn wasn’t even sure what home was to him anymore. Maybe he’d figure it out one of these days. He glanced over at his new partners. Logan also looked pensive, apparently grappling with Leo’s words as well. 

Leo seemed completely unfazed, his leg bouncing again. “Does anyone want dessert?”

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

The Lie (Part 6)

*Moodboard made by @lenalxvegood*

~The Lie Master~

Word Count: 1.5K

~Master~

A/N: Guys I finally did it! Part 6 baby, lets go! I’m hoping part 7 (the final part) will be out before the month is up, but you guys know I suck at updating and schedules, so I promise it will be up before the end of the year! (That was a joke, pls I promise I’m funny) Also, I’m sorry about tags? I just copied and pasted from last update, I’m probably missing people and that’s- I’m so sorry. Feedback?

Previously...

It was nightfall, the moon rising in the sky and perfectly reflected across the black lake, small ripples in the water giving the moon’s reflection movement. You wanted to reach out and touch it, run your fingers across the surface just to know this was real.

But the fire whiskey burning down your throat told you enough that this was real. Remus and you were broken up. You let your eyes close again, trying to replicate the feeling you had before while standing here with the wind on your face, but you couldn’t. All your emotions just needed to come out and so you did the one thing you’ve wanted to do for a while.

You opened your mouth, taking a deep breath before screaming as loud as you could, letting all your emotions pour out with it.

Hogwarts had a new ghost it seemed. Everywhere you went, eyes followed and whispers grew, but you kept walking. James had gotten out of the hospital the next morning, sporting a dark bruised eye. Remus’ hand was still red and slightly blistered and he had a small cloth bandage barely wrapped around it, but he kept picking at it, every few seconds, every time he zoned out. Sirius, who normally knew how to lift his friend’s spirits and who at the drop of a hat could cause smiles and laughs fell silent. Lily kept her nose in her books, only speaking to a few people a day.

You’ve ruined your friend group.

Sitting through classes were the hardest, you couldn’t walk away from the comments like you could in the hallway. You tried to focus on your work, writing down notes more detailed than you had ever before, all in the hopes of ignoring your classmates.

Meals were hard as well, your friends scattered about the Gryffindor table, barely sparing glances at each other. You sat alone for days, watching people look at you through the corner of your eyes. You couldn’t take it any longer. You stood up quick, keeping your head down and walking swiftly out of the Great Hall. You felt eyes on you, multiple eyes but you didn’t turn back until the doors were slammed behind you and you kept walking as you wiped the tears off your face.

“Running from your problems won’t help.” You slowly stopped walking and sighed. Sirius, who followed you out of the Great Hall put his hand on your shoulder, spinning you around. He frowned when he saw your tears. “I hate seeing you cry.” He mumbled before pulling you in for a hug and you buried your head in his chest as he put his cheek on your head and rubbed your back, keeping you in his hold.

“I’m not running from my problems, Sirius.” Your voice cracked as you pulled away, feeling Sirius’ let go of you a little to look at you. “I am the problem. I messed everything up.”

“So, you did.” Sirius shrugged, only getting you to look away out of shame. “But what happened wasn’t just on you. You’ve got to remember that.”

“Remus and I broke up.”

“I know.” Sirius nodded. “He told me that night.” You should’ve figured Remus would have. Sirius hadn’t done anything wrong. If anything, he’s been helpful in so many ways. You were lost in your thoughts before hearing a few laughs and whispers pass you. You wiped your tears quickly, looking up to see a pair of eying you smugly. You tried to ignore them, but it wasn’t working. “Come on,” Sirius whispered as he pulled you out of your thoughts, “let's go somewhere else.”

It was then you realized you were just standing vulnerable in the middle of the hallway. You nodded and Sirius threw an arm over your shoulder and let you away as you sniffled. “I’m sorry.” You mumbled to him but he shook his head. “I always drag you into my shit.”

Sirius paused before nodding. “Yeah, you really do.” He joked, hoping to drag a smile on your face, which was successful when you saw the look on his face. “But I’m serious Y/N, I’m always here for you.”

“I know.” You leaned onto his shoulder as you walked away with him.

You hated relying on Sirius so much lately, but you appreciated it. It almost seemed normal again. Almost.

You walked into divination later that day with a half-smile on your face, your afternoon with Sirius cheering you up. You weren’t paying attention to the whispered that spurred about until you were seated and pulling out your notes.

“Come on, you’ve seen her the past couple of days,” a girl a few rows behind you, the same girl who happened to see you earlier with Sirius, had whispered rather loudly to her friends. You slowed your movements, listening in on their conversation. “She’s looked like a bloody nightmare and one afternoon with Black and suddenly she’s better? Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was shagging him too!” A chorus of laughs went around her group as your stomach fell.

They thought you were sleeping with Sirius.

“Oh, shut it, Kelly.” Your head perked up as Lily spoke up for you, telling the girl off. “You’re just upset that Sirius didn’t take you up on your offer after the Quidditch match. You know the one I’m talking about, don’t you? Where he said he wouldn’t sleep with someone as boring as you.” The girl fell silent, shooting Lily a death glare but Lily just shot her a fake smile.

You caught Lily’s eye and her smile faltered. “Thank you.” you mouthed. Lily nodded back at you with a thin smile. A thin smile, but still a smile.

The rumor of Sirius and you spread like wildfire, although just as quick as it spread, it was over. You had to leave it to Hogwarts, it was a big school, but rumors seem to be a high form of entertainment for everyone. Ignoring them had gotten easier, Lily came around soon as well, being one of the people to shoot down all the rumors that were told. She knew your friendship was damaged, but your friendship went deep. You hoped it was salvageable.

You had just left your class, waiting until you were the last one out in hopes of avoiding as many people as you could when you heard his voice for the first time in weeks. “Y/N?” Your name was all he said as you stopped walking immediately, feeling the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You turned around, seeing Remus’ frowning face. “Do you have a moment?”

Your mouth opened and closed repeatedly before you nodded, your words failing you. He started walking and you stood in a daze before your mind snapped and you walked after him quickly, staying back enough as he led you to the astronomy tower.

Both of you fell silent, Remus’ thoughts suddenly leaving him as he looked at you, wanting to brush the hair that fell in front of your face out of the way but he held himself back, much aware of the ache striking his heart. “You wanted to talk?” Your voice was soft, much different than it was the night he ended things with you.

He nodded slowly as he cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I did. I did.” He licked his lips, glancing to the floor as you stood there awkwardly, calming your racing heart. “I heard the rumor.” He said and you quirked a brow.

“Which one?” you mustered a laugh, crossing your arms.

Remus’ looked confused. “There’s more than one?”

You nodded, moving towards the ledge of the tower as you leaned over. “There’s at least 7,” you told him before looking back, “that I’m aware of.”

“Oh.” He mumbled, joining you on the ledge yet leaving plenty of room between you both. “I didn’t know.” He watched you laugh sadly as you looked out at the grounds. “I was talking about the one about you and… Sirius.” His throat closed as he said his best friend’s name.

“I suppose for a fraction of a second that you believed it, didn’t you?” When Remus said silent, you had your answer. “I’m not even going to take offense to that. If I was your position, I probably would’ve believed it too.”

“Y/N-“ you cut him off just by simply looking at him, looking in his eyes for the first time in forever. Your heart skipped. Remus’ did too.

He was leaning in faster than you thought possible and your lips collided. You let yourself melt against him, losing all sense of hesitation when his hands cupped your cheeks before one drew across your back, pulling you closer. Your noses bumped together repeatedly as you breathed in his scent, dragging your teeth against his bottom lip. He moaned and pulled away, keeping your foreheads touching as your breaths met, breathing heavily. You separated fully, running a hand through your hair as Remus ran his down his face, shaking away the forever lingering effect of the kiss.

You were the one to speak first, taking a deep shaky breath that caught his attention. “You know, when I followed you up here, I did not expect that.” Your words were followed by an awkward laugh, unsure of how to address this.

“Neither did I.” Remus muttered, looking at you one last time. He didn’t know what came over him, but the need to kiss you outweighed the voices screaming not to. A frown made way onto his face as he started backing away from you. “I- I have to go.” He said quickly before he was gone, leaving you alone in the tower once again as his footsteps faded from your ears.

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[imaginejamesandsirius]

hiii, i don’t know if you’re doing requests still, but i’ll give this a shot in case. how about a jirius fic where they secretly like each other, and during a game of truth or dare, where their friends keep asking dirty truths (kinks etc) and then they dare them to kiss, then following that 7 minutes in heaven? with sirius lowkey giving james a lap dance and eventually smut? also i wouldn’t mine a ton of sirius on james’ lap makeouts because that’s ADORABLE

Truth or dare was the party game of choice in Gryffindor Tower, to no one's surprise. It always started out the same-- lots of dares. The more sloshed everyone got, the more they did truths because they-- or one person, at least-- couldn't reliably walk across the room without tripping. 

It was the long way of saying that Sirius knew a lot about everyone's sexual preferences despite never being involved in any of their sex lives. For example, he had zero interest in Remus, and yet he knew that Moony had a daddy kink. He also knew that Marlene liked to be on top, and that her and Dorcas had been each other's first kiss. When was he ever going to need to know that? Absolutely never. 

It did let him know a thing or two about what James liked, and he was a fan of that, for sure. James liked long hair and preferred men to women, even though he liked both. Sirius wanted to wave a hand in front of his best mate's face and say, "Hi, I'm right here!" but he figured that would be playing his hand a little too openly. 

They'd reached the point of the night where they weren't even asking truth or dare anymore, they were just asking questions. "Sirius," Dorcas said, pointing at him with the hand that wasn't holding a butterbeer. "If you had to shag someone in this room, who would it be?" 

He was tempted to say Lily just to freak her out, but this was a game of integrity and he wouldn't lie. Even though he was itching to see Lily's reaction. "Do I only get to pick one?" It would be a lot less weird for James if he got to pick more than one person. 

"Pick one guy and one girl," Wormtail said, and Dorcas nodded vehemently. 

"Yeah, that's good, pick one of each! That way, if you ever want to have a threesome, we know exactly who you'll pick?" 

"That's your reason for asking?" James asked, face scrunched up like he thought that was weird as hell. 

Sirius hummed, looking around. "I guess... Lily and James." He toasted the room with his own beer then took a sip. 

"I can't believe you said Lily first," James said, shoving him. "I should be your first pick." 

"You should? Why?" 

"Because I'm much better looking, duh." 

"Don't worry Potter," Lily said, looking slightly disturbed, "you can have all of him." 

"Oof, be careful there, Lily. Don't make promises you can't keep," Sirius said. 

"If I could give you to him, I would." 

*

Sirius thought about that. A lot. Like Lily could wrap James up with a bow and hand him over to Sirius, and then he could do whatever he bloody wanted with him. 

Of course, he didn't say anything about it because that was the way to madness, and he assumed that no one else remembered it or cared enough to think about it. The next time they played truth or dare proved that theory wrong. 

Almost immediately, Sirius was dared to it on James's lap and stay there for the rest of the night-- or until a different dare moved one of the two of them from their position. It was weird that Mary cared that much, but Sirius didn't think too much about it until all of James's dares could be done while he stayed exactly where he was. 

Even then, he wasn't suspicious until it came back around to him and Marlene dared him to kiss James. "And I mean really kiss him. I want tongue, none of this chaste kisses to the cheek rubbish." 

"It disturbs me that you've already thought about exactly how you want this to go," Sirius joked, but he turned head and put a hand on the side of James's face. He was about to snog the love of his life in front of all their mates. No big deal. Don't panic under the pressure and the fact that everyone was looking at them. 

He only had the chance to worry about James feeling awkward about it for a moment, because James was kissing him back just as fervently. James was as warm in his mouth as another shot of firewhiskey would've been, only more pleasant, somehow. The first swipe of his tongue against Sirius's bottom lip made his fingertips tingle. 

He gripped James tighter and idly wished that he knew what James tasted like. All he could taste right now was the liquor they'd both been drinking. Or maybe it was only the liquor he'd been drinking himself that he could taste, which was worse, because then he had nothing about James to remember later. Except for the way he held onto Sirius's waist like a lifeline and leaned into his mouth. He got the feeling he'd remember that for a while. 

Sirius didn't really know how long they were supposed to kiss-- all Marlene had said was 'with tongue' and 'not on the cheek'-- so he figured he'd just go until James stopped kissing him back. To his tipsy mind, it made perfect sense and wasn't suspicious in the slightest. He didn't think anything of it until they finally broke apart, and everyone was staring at them-- with the exception of Moony and Wormtail because the former was tracing something on his palm and the latter was attempting to peel the label off the bottle of wine he was holding. 

The girls, at least, were all staring at them. Lily blinked. "Well damn. You know, there's a muggle party game called seven minutes in heaven, and I get the feeling you two would excel at it." 

"Uh-huh," Sirius said dumbly. He wanted to say something funny-- or maybe ask what the game was, because the name didn't tell him very much-- so that they'd stop staring at them like that, but now that his attention wasn't on James's mouth, he was free to notice other things. Things that he could feel pressing against his arse because he was on James's lap, and it hadn't been there before. James was hard. Because of him. Because they'd kissed, and also probably because Sirius was on his lap. He licked his lips and moved his arm down so that it was hanging around James's shoulders. "Hey, Moons. Truth or dare." 

"I dunno, are you going to make me snog someone?" 

Sirius rolled his eyes and tried to pretend he wasn't effected by kissing James. He didn't think he was pretending very well, but he was just going to ignore it until he got so sloshed he wouldn't be able to tell whether or not people believed him. "No, you big baby." 

"Then dare." 

Sirius's mind had been rather effectively wiped from kissing James, so he cast his eyes around the room, hoping something would inspire him. 

The rest of the night passed in something of a daze for Sirius. James got dared to take his shirt off a few rounds later, and Sirius had to pretend like he couldn't feel every single centimeter of James's bare skin under his arm-- because of course he put his arm back once the shirt was off. He didn't say anything to James about being turned on by their kiss, and he certainly didn't say anything about the fact that his erection didn't go away. 

(He said 'the rest of the night' but honestly, it was more like ten minutes. Ten at the very most. He had to end his night in the game early because he couldn't bloody think.) 

Sirius declared that he was done, but he couldn't get to his feet because he didn't want to expose James like that. There was only so long that his control would last however, and he'd officially past his limit. 

James nodded and reached for his shirt. He had to lean back, and it was a touch awkward as he pulled his shirt back on, but it did stop Sirius from having to constantly catch himself from staring at his chest or the curve of his shoulder-- Sirius had never been particularly attracted to freckles before, but he almost couldn't tear his eyes away from the trail of freckles along the top of his shoulders. 

"Well whatever, I still wanna drink," Remus said, snapping Sirius out of thinking about James's shoulders even though they were no longer bare to him. 

"I'm with you," Marlene said, and Dorcas nodded. 

"Yeah sure," Peter agreed, but Lily and Mary shook their heads and went up the stairs to their dormitory. 

"C'mon," James muttered, giving Sirius a nudge to stand. 

Sirius only hesitated for a second before getting to his feet-- if James thought he could hide his hard on or that no one would care, then that was his prerogative. 

They stumbled up the stairs, and since James was behind him, he shut the door and leaned against. "Thanks for not saying anything. I know it was kinda-" He stopped talking because he couldn't finish his sentence with Sirius's mouth covering his own. He moaned, kissing Sirius back. Their fronts were pressed together, and Sirius was able to stop worrying about holding himself back. "What are you doing?" he whispered. He said it like he had to say it but didn't necessarily want the answer. What was obvious to Sirius though, was that James wanted to keep kissing him. Like the hard on and the moan and kissing him like that hadn't been enough of a clue for him. 

"Finishing what we started," Sirius said, putting his hands under James's newly donned shirt to get his hands on skin again. It should be a crime that he'd ever had to take his hands off of him in the first place. If it hadn't been for where they were and their friends in the room, he probably wouldn't have. 

"Can we finish it on a bed?" James asked with an eager-- and now relieved-- smirk. "The door's about as comfortable as it looks." 

Sirius laughed, leaning back and pulling James with him. They would've been able to get to the bed a lot sooner if Sirius had been willing to let go of him, but he didn't want to take his hands off him, and his mouth was right there. No one on the planet would've had the willpower to step away from James with his eyes that intense and his lips parted and glistening. "You've got to get this bloody thing off," he said, tugging ineffectually on James's shirt. 

"I will if you will," James said immediately. 

Sirius pulled off his shirt, and James did the same. Kissing James while they were both shirtless was even better than before-- something he hadn't been sure was possible. Feeling all that warm skin and being able to claw at James's back in a bid to bring him closer was driving him wild because there wasn't a way of him being closer. He pushed James onto the bed and climbed back on his lap because, honestly, it was the best place he'd ever sat. 

He rolled his hips and they both groaned, so he did it again. Again and again so that it was a constant fire in his veins. 

James's hands went to his hips first, then slid around to grip his arse. Tentatively, at first, then more boldly when Sirius pushed back into it. 

Sirius knew that he was going to come soon, and a part of him wanted to get a hand on James's prick just in case this was his only chance. But it felt too damn good to stop what he was doing, and he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks that meant he was really close, and he wouldn't have been able to stop right now for anything. 

But then James stopped kissing him to suck on his neck and Sirius whined and- his hips jerked unsteadily, and for a moment, James kept moving like he had been when he suddenly tensed, biting down on his neck a little too hard. 

Chest heaving, Sirius wondered if he could just fall face first into the pillow and go to sleep. His blood was still thrumming hot in his veins, but he knew that in a couple minutes, all he'd want was to wrap up in a blanket and get a solid ten hours of rest. 

James rested his forehead against Sirius's shoulder, breathing just as hard. "Sorry I bit you that hard," he said. 

Sirius giggled, unable to keep from feeling giddy-- a combination of having had an orgasm and the fact that it was James that had given it to him. "I'm sure I'll forgive you." 

They sat like that for a little bit, just leaning against each other and catching their breath. 

"Don't shag Lily," James said. 

"O... kay?" Sirius said, completely thrown. "What are you on about?" 

"I don't want you to shag Lily." 

"Yeah, I heard you the first time. Why do you think I'd do that?" 

"Well," James said, sounding discomfited, "last time we played truth or dare, you said that if you had to shag someone in the room, it would be me or Lily." 

"It's a good thing you're cute because by Merlin, are you stupid," Sirius said. He tilted his head to the side so it was resting atop James's to take the sting out of his words. "I- sodding hell, mate. I'm not here because of some stupid dare or because we'd been drinking." 

"Mm." He nuzzled a little closer. "Good." 

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

A Misplaced Imbalance of Fear

Ao3,   MasterPost

Relationships: Romantic Dukexiety, implied/minor Moceit (platonic or romantic)

From the power of my Art and my Shitposts comes This Fanfiction!!!

Warnings: Panic Attacks, Lots of Cursing, descriptions of gore (horror movies, it gets decently explicit so beware that), mild body horror (Remus is here and he Does Things Like That), Heavy Roman angst for a hot minute in the middle, making out (continuing my theme of remus-centric fics getting more ;3). They do some makeup and drink tea, baby. Mentions of picking one’s skin as an Anxious habit, and also ticking. Also stimming!!! nd sides 4 life bb. Also, a very brief alcohol mention (it’s soup).

Word Count: 6,553

God Fucking Fuck, Virgil was going to have a self-care day even if it killed him dead. Everybody else could do whatever overdramatic fuckery they wanted when they were topside, but he was all set down there in the Mindpalace, thank you very much.

Luckily, mercifully, thankfully, the rest of the sides all seemed keen to let Virgil have his space anyway. There wasn’t a thing stopping him from relaxing.

Well, except for himself, of course.

A thrum of condensed stress and fear tugged at Virgil’s abdomen, bubbling its way over his edges. It was equally his own and the others’, probably due to whatever conversation they were caught up in in the external world. He would not relent to the worry, nor was he summoned to help with the situation, but his body refused to stop shaking. Perched on the top of the couch, frantically clicking the buttons on a fidget cube, Virgil tried to watch the gore playing on the TV in a tired effort to calm his nerves.

Horror movies… helped. They were something for his brain to chew on for a while- their over-the-top and ridiculous plots, the obnoxious characters that almost always deserve what’s coming to them, the attention-attaining action- it was all a recipe for Distraction. But they weren’t working by that point, no matter how badly Virgil wanted them to.

And then- possibly because the universe loved to spite Virgil and Virgil specifically- a walking, talking headache flung himself into the common room about as elegantly as a wolfhound with rabies.

“Heyyyy,” Remus crowed as he sprawled himself out on the couch. Anxiety curled his legs closer under his body, unresponsive- he knew full well that any reaction would just be an invitation for trouble from the obnoxious trait. He’d remember what Logan taught them: don’t engage, just brush it all off.

Unfortunately, Remus seemed to be in a stubborn mood.

“Whatcha watching?” 

“Movie,” Virgil grumbled. 

“What movie?”

He eyed the side laying out on the couch below him, narrowing his gaze as threateningly as he could manage. He spat the words through gritted teeth and made it clear he was not having this today.

“It’s called Terrifier.”

Remus perked up at that, and oh God, if he was interested then he’d never go the fuck away.

“What’s it about?”

There wasn’t much Virgil could do but answer in as clipped a tone as he could; things hadn’t gotten too bad, too uncomfortable, yet. Maybe he could redirect Remus’ attention, if he was just boring and unresponsive enough?

“Just a cliche creepy clown flick. Not much to it.”

“Is it gory?” 

Virgil made a vaguely affirmative sound in his throat, gesturing to the screen. In truth, the movie’s impeccable special effects with gore was its main appeal, as the acting and plot was kinda atrocious. Violence was the exact reason he’d chosen to watch this. But he knew saying that wouldn’t help his chances of shaking off Intrusive Thoughts.

Remus looked ready to spout off something explicit, but he went dead quiet as his eyes fell on the scene on the television. Virgil was grateful for small mercies.

It was exactly the kind of thing that the creative trait would watch, after all; a woman getting sawed in half, lengthwise, starting from the- er, the wrong end. Under circumstances of a more typical anxious flare-up, the scene really could have been one of those ‘helpful distractions’. 

These were not normal circumstances.Yeah, this was one of those ‘too passive’ cases, but Virgil didn’t exactly have the energy for anything ‘active’. So, he stubbornly glared at the TV and pretended that his solution was working, because he had no idea what else to do. Perfect plan.

Preoccupied as he was with his internal issues, he very nearly managed to forget about Remus. Until-

“Holy fuck, this is gorgeous, you watch stuff like this?!” The Duke’s eyes were bright, but not with his usual hysteria. They were wide with genuine excitement, shiny and happy. It was- uncanny, that’s probably the word Virgil was looking for. He curled closer in on himself.

“Shouldn’t be that surprising, dude. ‘Scary’ is kind of my thing.”

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen this one,” the creative side was once again completely enamored by the television screen, “Don’t blood and guts and cool things like that freak you out? They always seem to do the trick when I try to mess with you!” 

“It’s different. The violence in movies, it- it calms me down, I guess. Cause it’s like, I don’t know, detached from reality?”

There was a pause that had Virgil hoping, naively, that Remus had grown bored at his spiel. But he wasn’t moving, he was just staring, gaze switching contemplatively from the screen to Virgil a few times over.

“It doesn’t look like that. If you were any more tense, all your tendons would be snapping like badly-tuned violin strings!” 

“Yeah, no shit,” Virgil pressed his back against the wall and shut his eyes tight. He could still hear- no, feel- Patton and Roman and Thomas arguing, snapping at each other back and forth as the situation escalated.

“Is this about whatever the others are doing? Why don’t you just stop listening to their shitty arguments?”

A harsh laugh escaped Virgil at that, dragging him back down to earth so he could blink his eyes open, glaring at the facet lying beneath him. 

“I can’t just stop, that’s not how I work. I need to keep an ear on them. Who knows what could happen if I didn’t?”

“Well, why don’t you just go talk to them?”

If he wasn’t already frustrated beyond belief, that would’ve fuckin’ done it for him.

“I don’t think I’d be much help. Not right now.”

“Why not?” Remus looked halfway between genuinely curious and mischievous, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better view of Anxiety.

“Seriously? Things aren’t exactly, like- normal between all of us.”

“What is normal?” 

Virgil opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came through. As much as it sounded like an offhanded, edgy 13-year-old atheist kind of remark, it was a decent point. Virgil had thought that there was something of a status quo forming between himself and the ‘light sides’, but how long had that even lasted for? Especially compared to the rest of his life? Everything was changing all the time. Was there anything to rely on, or was it just Virgil’s own wishful thinking for what their lives could be? After all, even in ‘peaceful times’, there had been plenty of in-fighting and disagreements and horrible uncomfortable conversations and harsh words and-

“Oh, shut that brain up,” Remus’ sharp voice pulled Virgil from his thoughts, “I know what you meant ‘normal’. You meant the six months when you got to forget about us Scary Monsters, and, DUH! It was probably way simpler for all you diet-soda-no-sugar sluts back then, but that doesn’t mean it was better.”

“Yeah, you would think that things are better now, wouldn’t you?”

Remus fixed Virgil with an unsettling sort of grimace, making the other squirm. It wasn’t the first time he’d done so by any means. 

“I dunno, but what I do know is that things are getting better. They’ll be the best they could be, soon.”

Despite himself, Virgil laughed. It was a faltering, anxious sound, revealing the true fear behind the taunting gesture.

“Really? With everybody at each other’s throats all the time?”

“While that does sound fun,” Remus sat up fully, twisting around to look directly up at Virgil, “I mean after that. After we’re all accepted. It’s inevitable- Inevitable, Anxious Lil’ Barista,” Remus accompanied the referential nickname with a wink. 

Virgil stared at him like he was crazy (well- like- crazier than usual, he guessed?). Remus just threw his head back and laughed before spinning his neck one-hundred and eighty degrees to face the TV while he explained.

“Point is, it’s painfully obvious that everything will sort itself out. It has to, or else the only other option is that Thomas is gonna drive himself insane by trying to suppress parts of himself and end up clawing his own brain out. One of those two things!”

While colorfully phrased, the certainty with which Remus delivered his point had Virgil taken aback. There was no way that Remus could possibly know that, but- in a backwards way it was comforting, how sure he sounded. He didn’t lie, not ever.

Virgil had never thought that Remus would settle for anything less than going out of his way to make others’ lives a hell. But maybe that antagonism wasn’t what exactly motivated the trait’s actions. Maybe it was just an unintentional side effect, akin to what Logan had said when Remus first revealed himself.

The moment of reprieve was over as soon as it began.

“Fuck! He just cut off her tits and wore ‘em, huh?” 

Virgil looked up and, to be fair, that was exactly what had happened on screen. Like he said, this movie wasn’t exactly poetic cinema, but it certainly was something. 

He scooted along the top of the couch, moving just a few feet before dropping down to sit properly beside Remus.

“3/10 drag look at best, really,” Virgil muttered, mostly to himself. He jumped when Remus shrieked with laughter at it, looking absolutely delighted. 

“I didn’t know you made jokes like that, VeeVee!”

Virgil shrugged noncommittally, focusing on the screen and not the facet beside him. Remus’ giggling was loud and distracting, but it wasn’t… unpleasant, unlike his typical villain-cackle was. 

Once Remus had settled down (as much as somebody like him could, anyway), he, too, focused on watching. The quiet was uncomfortable, but it didn’t stretch on for long. There was always something in the movie that The Duke felt the need to comment upon extensively, elaborating and giving details on the gore. Virgil found himself listening to the rants silently, almost enjoying the disruption. It certainly gave his overactive mind something to play around with.

“-skin doesn’t slice as easy as that, trust me-”

Aaaand there it was. Virgil winced, trying very hard not to show that the words had struck a nerve. He liked horror, gore, all that, sure, but there were just some specific things- squicks, you could call them. Remus would obviously use that to his advantage, so the only option was to try very hard to zone out and not look like he was disturbed.

“But even then- Hey, why are you making that face?”

Mission failed.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Remus shifted closer- invasively closer, his gaze studying. 

“You were calming down earlier, what's with the scrunch-nose?”

Virgil stared at his hands, chipping away his black nail polish. Remus was nearly as good at reading lies as Janus, and twice as hard to get rid of.

“It's just- skin, slicing, that stuff just-” he ticked, head spasming sideways briefly at even the thought of that kind of pain.

“Oh,” Remus said plainly, not even a hint of malice or mischief in his tone as he leaned back into his own spot, “Why didn't you just say so? Well, that last exploding head kill is way more interesting anyway, did you see that?”

That was… it? No taunting, no tormenting, he just changed the topic, like that? 

Remus, continuing to be weirdly perceptive, scoffed as though he was reading Virgil’s mind.

“What? Just because I like screwing with you prudes sometimes doesn't mean I want to give you a panic attack. Where's the fun in that?”

Anxiety nodded mutely, bewildered. Remus seemed appeased by that and quickly resumed his running commentary.

And if Virgil eventually decided to take part in the discussion, well, it wasn’t a big deal anyway. Just some polite conversation about bodily mutilation.

 The television darkened as the screen was washed by credits, filling the space where the disfigured face of the main character had been mere moments prior, the result of a pretty predictable twist ending. Virgil stood, arching his back up in a stretch. His arms raised higher, one joint or another crackling at the motion. Fuck, he was sore. How long had he been sitting still?

Remus hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch. He tapped his claws along the remote, exiting to the homescreen and looking expectantly at Virgil.

“You don't wanna watch anything else?” He asked abruptly, drawing a confused glance from his companion, “This is fun- and they're still arguing up there, so it kinda makes sense to stay, it’s really the best solution if you-”

Virgil huffed a laugh at the rambling. It sounded like some shit he’d say, for crying out loud.

“Dude, chill, I was just gonna make some tea before putting on another movie,” the clear relief that ran across Remus' face- quickly replaced by a wide grin- wasn't anything shy of… sweet. Virgil was sure this day couldn't get any fucking weirder, if he was finding anything endearing about the walking talking dirty joke before him. “Uh, you want anything? Since you're gonna stick around, and all.”

Remus jumped up, following Virgil into the MindPalace’s small kitchen happily. In one smooth motion, he swung up onto the counter and slid down it, seating himself almost on top of the stove.

“No hot leaf soup for me, thanks, but I will take one of those mugs!”

Virgil raised a brow, staring the creative trait down before shrugging. He passed him one of the mugs, a generic and patternless one- so that the other sides probably wouldn't notice its absence. He busied himself by setting up the kettle, trying not to wince at the loud wet crunch that resulted when Remus took a bite of his snack.

“Hey,” Remus said around a mouthful of ceramic chunks, “I know just the movie we should watch next.”

Virgil shifted around the various tea boxes littering the cabinets, searching for something with a kick. He hazarded a glance to Remus, immediately regretting the decision when he saw the blood dribbling down his chin from the cuts marring his lips. Anxiety cringed, turning his head back and grabbing for the first brightly-colored box he saw. It took him a moment to respond.

“Okay… what is it?” 

“It's awful- I mean, really, the acting is unbearable and it’s fucking insane- but it's funny. You like making fun of stuff, right? It's like that, but there's still a ton of agonizing death, which is always a fun bonus.”

“What's it about?” Virgil was hesitantly intrigued, his gaze flicking up from the steadily heating kettle. He wasn't exactly keen on staring down the gory scene of Remus’ mouth, so he settled his focus on the trait’s eyeball brooch. 

“Uhn-uhn! No spoilers, this is one you have to see for yourself. It's funnier that way.”

Virgil made a noncommittal sound, tapping his nails against the counters.

“Nothing too bad happens- not that you can't handle, anyway. No slicing and not many jumpscares.”

He resisted the urge to snap 'how do you know what I can’t handle?' because Remus actively trying to reassure him was. Something. Something that he appreciated, maybe, a little.

“Okay, fine. I didn't have anything else in mind. A ‘So-Bad-It’s-Good’ thing sounds alright.”

The obnoxious gnawing of Remus destroying what was left of his cup suddenly ceased, replaced by a stunned silence. Virgil finally met his eyes (finding that the lacerations around Remus’ mouth were already healing themselves, as if they'd never existed).

“You’re taking my suggestion?”

Virgil cleared his throat, finding himself unable to break the intense eye-contact now that it had been established.

“It's not a big deal or anything, man. Just a movie.” 

Remus nodded enthusiastically, a grin splitting his face ear-to-ear. Very literally. The expression was so unnatural and cartoonish on a human(ish) face, that Virgil couldn't help but be startled into laughter. Remus looked even more delighted at that reaction, leaning forward over the stove. At that point, Virgil very much couldn't suppress the noises, snorts bubbling up from his throat against his will.

“You look-” another bout of chuckling, “-you look ridiculous, Remus.”

“Aw, thank you! I was going for manic, but I'll settle for that, too.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, hunching in on himself to get his breathing back to normal. 

With no warning, Remus lifted himself up onto his knees and craned his body around the vigilant trait, snatching the kettle from the stove and flipping the dial to ‘off’. Instinctively, Anxiety recoiled from the proximity. The tension fell away when he saw that the other was simply pouring the hot water into Virgil’s mug for him.

“Dude, it wasn't whistling yet?”

“I know; it was hissing like it was about to start. You're boring and don't like loud noises, especially when you’re all on edge like this, so,” he set the kettle back down, passing the warm mug to Virgil. 

Virgil stared at him, then at the drink in his hand, then back up at the Duke. He was, for what felt like the millionth time that day, unsure of how to react.

He… really hadn't thought that Remus would pick up on stuff like that. He should probably start getting used to that, maybe.

“I'm-” Virgil dragged his finger up and down the handle of his mug, “I'm not that on edge anymore, actually.”

The look that Remus sent him was indecipherable. 

“C’mon, I’ll queue up that flick I told you about.”

“Yeah,” Virgil let out a deep breath, one he hadn't even known he'd been holding, “Yeah, okay.”

 The floor was bubbling, popping, blistering with red fury. It was lava, sending bright flaming sparks in all directions. Thankfully for Remus and Virgil, sitting close together on the couch and viciously mocking cabin fever, the vicious rage was exclusive to one small circle near the staircase.

Virgil, who had been happily tearing apart the leading guy’s acting, cut himself off abruptly.

“Shit- wait- shit.”

Remus shook himself out of his raucous laughter, looking up in confusion. His eyes finally settled on the crimson patch of carpet, a look of realization crossing them. His voice turned much quieter than what fit him.

“Oh, fuck.”

It was like a volcanic eruption localized entirely within the living room, fire blazing in a tall column. From the emotional display, Roman rose up, face nearly as red as his method of transportation. 

There was that brief moment, right when a stressful situation appeared, of antithetical serenity. Virgil felt his muscles slacken in shock, his long-empty mug falling from his hands and landing on the carpet with a dull thud. A rush of calmness hollowed out his chest, lingering for just a few seconds before being replaced by panic. Tension returned to his limbs mere moments after that, like it was pulling him taut.

Roman wasn't even looking at them- in fact, he hadn't seemed to notice his brother or best friend at all. The fire fell back down, leaving a charred patch of carpet that would likely take a long time to repair itself. The passionate trait growled, a sound that bordered on a scream as he clawed his hands down his face. He stamped his boot sharply against the ground, igniting another small fire with the impact.

“Fuck!” He cried, ever oblivious to his audience. With a hasty wave, the flames flickered and disappeared. Roman glared down at the blackened spot where it had been, winding his arms tightly around himself. He took a few shaky breaths, but if anything he only looked worse off for it.

“Fuck,” this time spoken quieter, but with no less vitriol. An immaculately-manicured hand raised itself to cover his mouth, tightening around his face desperately as tears slipped from his eyes down his fingers. He turned on his heel and took the stairs two at a time.

In his wake, as the television had been paused, the only thing that Virgil could hear was buzzing in his skull.

What had happened? What was happening, currently?! Things had gone so wrong and it was all because of Virgil’s negligence- what bad things could have been prevented if he had just been there? Or- or even just listening in! When had he even stopped listening? He was supposed to protect them but he just gave up, just because he ‘couldn't handle it’, and now something was Wrong with Roman and he couldn't even focus on listening to them all now, not like this. He couldn’t hear, couldn’t hear or see anything at all.

A rough, calloused hand wrapped around his wrist. Virgil's shallow breath staggered even more at the feeling, the warbly noise of speech failing to meet his ears. His eyes were closed tight, he realized, stinging with emotion behind his eyelids.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Four seconds, four strikingly gentle presses against the vein of Virgil’s wrist. If it weren't for the slight edge of a claw, he could've confused the motion for one of Patton’s.

The four taps were followed by a brief pause, then a steady round of seven taps. Another pause, and then eight. As Virgil focused, as much as he could anyway, on the presses, the screaming of his mind very gradually abated. First, he pried his eyes open, staring down at the hand around his arm. Watching the tapping, feeling it, was grounding enough for his hearing to return in time. Virgil could hear Remus beside him, breathing deeply as a guide, and copying the exercise became that much easier. In for four, hold  for seven, out for eight. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Remus didn't stop when Virgil did it properly one time over, when he was still shaking and teary. He didn't speak up even when the well behind Anxiety's eyes ran dry, after what had to be a dozen rounds of even breaths. It was only when Virgil finally, hesitantly slipped his wrist out of the other's grasp on his own terms that Remus made any sounds.

“Do you remember when you taught me to do makeup? Late teens, early twenties, around then?”

Talk about a topic shift. Virgil glanced up in confusion.

“I guess so? Wasn't that, like, the only time that we hung out and actually got along?” They’d never exactly been close, Virgil had made sure of that. It was, in retrospect, a regrettable decision on his part.

“Yeah. I was so bad at it, remember?”

“Hell yes, I remember,” Virgil felt a tiny smirk tug his lips at the memory, “You literally never sat still. You were and are the most impatient person I've ever met.”

“I’ve gotten a lot better, Vee.”

Virgil glanced at the bruise-like eyeshadow circling the Duke's eyes, but refrained from saying anything. Knowing him (kind of knowing him? Starting to know him better now? Whatever.) it was most definitely intentionally off-putting, and probably not a good way to judge his actual ability.

“But I’ve seen how you do it, when you really, really try; I think you're still better than me with it, ju-u-ust barely.”

“Oh, uh, thank you,” Virgil wasn't entirely sure where this was going, but he couldn't find the soft excitement in Remus’ eyes anything other than enticing. The creative side laughed, flapping his hand.

“It would be fun if you did it for me again! Just like old times, ey?”

Virgil stared at him, considering him carefully.

“You want me to do your makeup?” 

“Yes!” Remus leaned forward with his confirmation, but for once that didn't involve violating Virgil’s post-panic attack bubble, “It'll give you something to do with your hands other than peeling back all your skin, at the very least.”

Oh, right. Virgil not-so-subtly lifted his nails from his palms, wincing at the irritated red spots coloring his hands.

Truth be told, the idea wasn't… unappealing. It was an activity well between mindless and active, repetitive and artistic. Plus, he didn't exactly love being alone after attacks, and if anything Remus would be lively company. Company that he sort of, maybe, possibly was looking forward to spending the rest of the day with anyway, unfortunate events notwithstanding.

“Yeah, alright, if you're sure you want-”

“Great! Wait right there, bee-arh-bee,” before the words were even fully out of his mouth, Remus went limp and fell sideways off of the couch, falling right through the floor. 

In his absence, there was a void where his noise had been. Virgil stared at the paused movie scene, picking apart the little details of the frame just to have something to do. His mind drifted off to the state that Roman had been in when he entered. The sight of his friend so furious burned itself on the backs of Virgil’s eyelids. He knew that the anxiety wasn't all his own, either; he could feel it like waves from the other side of the MindPalace, the origin point clearly belonging to Roman.

He should check on him, shouldn't he? Or would that make it worse? Virgil certainly didn't feel like he was in any state to help. But then there was Patton to consider- something must have happened up there. Should he look for him, too?

There was a whoosh.

“I leave you alone for five seconds and you get right back to thinking!” Remus strode across the room, flopping right back onto the couch. Held in his arms was an enormous multi-pocketed bag, items clattering around within at every jostle their owner made.

“Overthinking is literally my whole job, man, this shouldn't surprise you,” Virgil shrugged, trying not to sound as relieved as he felt.

Remus simply rolled his eyes and dropped the makeup case onto Virgil's lap, sitting criss-cross parallel to him, their knees brushing slightly.

Virgil hesitated for a moment, scanning Remus' face, but all the other did was smile and blink (one eye at a time). 

Virgil zipped open the bag, rifling through and finding an overwhelming array of gaudy colors and odd products.

“Was there, like, a 'look' that you want to go for?”

Remus shrugged.

“Just go for it! I’m a blank canvas. The worse, the better.”

Virgil chuckled, picking out a few items to fit a theme he was coming up with and getting right to work.

Though it had been years since they’d last spent time together, it wasn’t awkward. In fact, it felt more comfortable than it had back then.

Remus managed to sit almost perfectly still, chattering the entire time that Virgil worked. Yet again his voice served as something like white-noise, wherein Anxiety only had to contribute whenever he chose. Remus only quieted when Virgil had to hold his face, tipping his head back to properly apply inky-black lipstick. And then, he remained silent for a moment, as they surveyed each other. 

Virgil had cleared his throat, warmth prickling at his ears, and the ceaseless rambling resumed after that.

In what felt like hours and no time at all, Virgil was finally satisfied with his work.

“Alright, you're all done,” he capped the bottle of mascara in his hand, rifling through Remus' bag for a mirror, “Wanna see?” 

Just as he felt the unmistakable cool surface of glass on his fingertips, Remus grabbed his wrist in both hands. 

“What-?”

“Not so fast! Now it's my turn,” he announced, his zealous eyes even more prominent on his face thanks to the thick wings of eyeliner around them. 

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Virgil looked from the assortment of garish colors that he'd mostly stayed away from in the makeup case, and then back up at the Duke.

“Usually: yes. But I am dead serious right now, Vee.”

Remus looked pleading, legitimately pouting. 

Virgil huffed. The side had gone out of his way to help him, when he really didn't have to, so…

“You're not going to just use this as an excuse to draw all over my face, are you?”

“I mean, no promises that I'll be able to restrain myself, but! Gimme a chance anyway, I can make you even hotter than you already are! Plus, we'll match then.”

“... Fine. Just- nothing too crazy, alright?”

“Again, no promises.”

Virgil groaned, but he still passed the bag to Remus.

 “Holy shit...”

Remus leaned over the basin of the bathroom sink, drumming his hands on the counter excitedly. He was starry-eyed as he observed the dark, dramatic colors covering his face: metallic emerald-green eyeshadow, excessively long lashes, and winged eyeliner sharp enough to cut a bitch. His lips were black as void, but shimmered like glitter. Everything about the look was dangerous, confrontational, and grim. 

“This is more out there than I’d usually wear, but. Yeah, holy shit.”

Virgil's expression, despite his best efforts, was equally awed as he peered into the mirror. The color around his eyes was mismatched; a lime to moss green gradient over his purple eye, lavender to royal violet over his green one- both colors contrasted by smudged black eyeliner under his eye. His signature Racoon Look had been maintained in that aspect, but it was even more exaggerated. In addition to that, Remus had taken to drawing various little symbols along Virgil's cheekbones, including things like upside-down crosses. Finally, there was the fuchsia lip-gloss, stark against Virgil’s paler-than-normal foundation. 

“It’s okay, I guess,” Virgil breathed reverently. 

“I love it!” Remus crowed, clambering onto the counter just to get a better look at himself. Somehow, he'd already managed to smudge the hell out of his eyeshadow, but it kinda… worked for him, if Virgil was being honest.

“Vee, we have got to do this more often!”

Virgil looked from his reflection to Remus', startled in a way he didn't entirely understand. The intrusive facet met his gaze through the mirror, the smile sliding off his face when Virgil didn’t respond to him.

“Right, Raggedy-Anx? It doesn't have to be this, specifically, if you really don't want to. We could just watch movies together, that's fine. Or we could do anything at all! Right?”

Virgil was still silent, lost in his mind. Remus fell from a kneeling position to sitting with his legs hanging off the counter, turning his back to the mirror.

“Was this a one-time thing? That's alright, too, if you just needed help calming down. I'm not as good as the others, I know, but if they're ever too busy again, you'll think of me when you need help, at least. Right?”

Finally, Virgil snapped out of his daze when he heard the panicked edge to Remus’ voice, feeling his anxiety as Virgil noticed the wild look that had completely erased his giddiness. It was a look that Virgil had seen plenty of times before, when Remus had been ignored far too long and was right about to start ripping things to shreds for some scraps of attention. Only then did Virgil fully recognize what the expression actually meant; the deep, terrified need that swirled behind the look, unsure of how to ask for what it really wanted after so many denials of that very want. 

“Shit, sorry,” Virgil moved to stand in front of him, eye-level to Remus even though he was elevated by the counter, “Hey, it's alright, Re, everything's fine.”

Remus was still trying very determinedly to smile.

“I know! Hell, I’m not the anxious one, I'm the one that makes people anxious,” his laugh sounded like it came from a throat full of broken glass, “I just- I liked this, ya know?”

“I know,” Virgil leaned forward, coaxing Remus' arms away from where he'd wrapped them around himself, “I like this, too.”

Remus let Virgil hold onto him, surprised into something like obedience.

“You? What?”

“I like this,” it wasn't as though Virgil was expecting to hug Remus, but it seemed to have happened on its own as they moved. It was leagues nicer than he could have imagined, despite the smell. “I like you…-r company.”

“That's weird,” Remus' legs curled around Virgil’s waist. Virgil rested his hands on Remus’ hips. He listened as the creative trait's breathing evened out, vaguely aware that the situation was similar to the one just an hour or so before. Except, the roles had been reversed, of course.

“I missed you. I know I never told you, but I missed you.”

Virgil felt guilt, hot and molten, dripping down his throat. He couldn't lie; he hadn't missed Remus when he left. But now he did, in a roundabout sort of way. He missed what could have been, all of the possible understanding and friendship and likely more that he could have had for so long with Remus- all of which he'd let slip by for years. Due to just writing the artist off as disgusting, or unnecessary. 

And perhaps some of that misunderstanding was Remus' fault as well, but Virgil couldn’t find it in himself to hold it against him.

“You don't have to anymore. Miss me, I mean. I'm- fuck, I'm so sorry.”

“Me too,” Remus said, pulling back to settle Virgil with a happy-yet-tearfilled gaze.

“Aw, hey,” he tightened his grip at Remus' hips, smirking, “You're gonna fuck up all my hard work on that eyeliner, Re.”

Remus laughed, loud and shrieky and him, smiling unnaturally and brilliantly wide once again. Virgil's breath caught in his throat- not for the first time that day, he found himself trapped up in that wild, energetic face.

Before Virgil was entirely aware of what he was doing, he was leaning forward, pulling Remus in by the waist. When the cackling finally stopped short, so did he, both much too far and far too close to the Duke. 

He didn't have the chance to explain himself, or apologize, or anything, because soon enough understanding flashed in Remus' eyes.

“Oh, oh yes, oh hell fucking yes.” 

Remus didn’t wait a second longer before closing the distance and smashing his lips against Virgil’s. A startled sound bubbled up in his throat, dying quickly as he acclimated to what was happening. Just as he did, he was reciprocating the kiss. 

Their teeth clashed together uncomfortably, and Virgil was hyper-aware of the threat both his own and Remus’ fangs posed if they weren’t careful, making it far from the perfect first kiss. But he wouldn’t have wanted that anyway, nor would he have expected it. It was, somehow, better. 

Remus' hand dragged down Virgil's back, his fingers fitting onto the notches of the facet’s spine. Virgil shivered, pressing himself flush against the counter (and Remus) and digging his thumbs into the trait’s hips. The motion earned him a beautiful whine from the other as the kiss deepened, growing less awkward and more heated by the second.

Virgil was unaware of how much time was passing, but when they finally parted, both were short of breath and significantly disheveled. Remus had his back pressed up against the mirror, his hair even fuzzier than its usual state, expression dazed and face flushed. From what Virgil could make out in his own reflection, he wasn't much better off. 

Just as soon as they'd separated, Remus' hand was on his face, his thumb dragging just under Anxiety's lip.

“You fucked up your lipstick,” he teased.

“So did you,” Virgil answered with a smirk, leaning into the touch. 

“I guess we'll have to fix it later.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus wriggled himself out of his pinned position, twisting around Virgil. He managed to situate himself and drop down from the bathroom counter, his manner suggestive, “Because all I wanna do right now is finish watching Cabin Fever with my new goth boyfriend and makeout during the boring parts.”

“Boyfriend?” Virgil ignored the jolt of warmth he felt at that, determined to stay nonchalant as he (subtly (not subtly)) slipped his hand into Remus’.

“You disagree?” 

Virgil pretended to think it over, leading them to the door and taking his time to click it open. 

“Nah, I don’t disagree,” he said finally, “I think I like the sound of that, actuall- yyyy.”

Virgil stopped short in the open doorway, voice dragging out in his shock. Behind him, he could feel Remus trying to crane around him to see what was happening, but Virgil didn’t move to accommodate him. Well, more accurately, he felt like he couldn’t really move at all, too busy parsing out the scene in front of him.

In the corner of the sectional- sharing a cushion- Janus and Patton sat, the former holding aloft a glass of wine, the latter snacking on a muffin. They sat with their legs tangled together, and had seemed to be engrossed with each other before the interruption. Both had paused mid-conversation to gawk in Virgil's direction, twin deer-in-headlights expressions on their faces. 

“What-” Virgil began, bewildered.

“The fuck?” Remus finished, pushing his way out of the bathroom.

Janus struggled to sit up into a more dignified position and take the reigns of the conversation. It didn't take him long to overcome his surprise at the interruption, his surveying gaze sweeping over the other two Dark Sides contemplatively. The look made Virgil’s skin crawl. 

“You know, we- well, we could ask you two-” he gestured at their interlocked hands, “-just the same question, couldn't we?” 

For a moment, there was silence. Virgil looked from Patton to Janus. Janus looked from Virgil to Remus. Patton looked at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Remus looked at everyone and broke the silence.

“You didn't see us,” he announced, sidestepping his way to the staircase and dragging Virgil along with him, “And we didn't see you.” 

Janus squinted, tipped his head, and nodded conspiratorially. 

“Deal.”

With that little grant, Virgil and Remus darted up the stairs and into the sanctuary of the dimly lit hallway as quickly as they could. Luckily for them, Roman was probably either in a deep depression sleep or far into the imagination by now, and Logan Did Not Engage with Interpersonal Drama if he could help it. 

There was a second for appreciating the absurdity of the situation (and catching their breath), before either spoke to each other.

“I’ve got a huge flat screen,” Remus piped up at last, jerking his thumb in the direction of his room. 

“Any of us can conjure literally anything we want at any time, so I'm not sure what's impressive about that.”

Remus scowled, albeit playfully.

“Hush! Come watch someone slowly be consumed by a parasite with me!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and let Remus drag him off, his complaints accompanied by absolutely no efforts to avoid the situation. 

Things were weird, there was no denying that. Maybe they'd end up being that way for a while yet, and Virgil knew he had a lot of news to catch up on, but he found that thoughts like that were way back in his mind. Whatever happened, he reasoned, he would still have this comfort. The arms of someone he was finally coming to know wrapped tight around him, playing up his back, a mouth trailing kisses on his neck as he half-watched horror films. Yes, things would be difficult with the others, but it was secondary.

There was someone on his side now. Solidly, unarguably there for him. With him. And that made it all feel a little bit easier.

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  5/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse, eating disorders

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

words: 4.2k

Sirius felt his mind whirring, as usual. God, it was so hard for him to be normal, to cope with the stress and the frustration and the exhaustion. He didn’t know how he was meant to. He remembered just a month ago, when Alice told him he should take a parental leave. Six weeks off he could have had if he wanted them. But he wanted to keep his trajectory undisputed. It was a mistake, in hindsight. He didn’t know then just how difficult his parents would make things. He didn’t know then what he knew now. He would have said “fuck it” to his trajectory if he would’ve been able to sleep. After all, it was the only thing he really wanted. It was the only thing, other than Regulus’s safety. 

He knew that he couldn’t do anything about this Remus situation. It was too dangerous. If he did something, he didn’t want it coming out in court. If he didn’t, Remus would probably never approve a design again. At least, not from him. So he chose to do what anyone would in his position. He called Marlene and looped in Alice. The calendar invite specified the meeting would begin in twenty minutes. He had titled it “Team Touchbase: The Girls are Talking Shit Again” in hopes to lighten the mood. However, there was no way that it would work. Not with the conversation he was about to have. 

He found himself breathing deeply. Trying to muster the courage to do this. They would be upset. He was sure of it. Especially when it was something this earnest, this niche and close to his chest. But Sirius didn’t have any other choice. Not as far as he could tell. So instead, he made plans for all of the inevitable ways they would try to convince him not to do this. But his mind was already made up. There was no going back now. Not when he was already this committed to the decision. 

“I need to be dropped from this project.” He doesn’t even bother with pleasantries. “Alice, please take me off of this project.”

The scoff caught him off guard. In all the time he had spent working closely with Marlene, she had never scoffed at him. Then again, he’d never asked to be taken off either. “You’re gonna let one bad meeting get to you? It’s not that big of a deal, Sirius.” Marlene was looking at him expectantly. As though she expected him to realize that he was wrong and laugh about it. 

“They’ll all be bad. I need to be dropped from the project.” He stated it like a fact. Maybe because to him, it was one. He just kept repeating it because if he said it enough times maybe they would just believe him and drop him from this book, and this chaos.

“What happened in your meeting earlier? I feel like I’m playing catch up.” It really wasn’t fair to Alice that she didn’t know. But Sirius didn't feel like explaining. 

“Sirius wants to get dropped from the poetry book.”

“But—“ Alice paused. She looked like she was sussing something out. “But aren't those your favorite pet projects?” 

“Yeah, but—” 

“So what’s the problem? “ Marlene cut him off again, and Sirius was beginning to lose his will to do this. He knew he couldn’t just not show up to meetings, but it would show them he needed to be taken off this project. 

“Alice, I have so many projects right now where the author doesn’t hate me. I don’t really have the time to be on a project where he does.” He wasn’t even acknowledging Marlene right now, because she clearly didn’t understand. why he wanted to be taken off. And that was okay, he didn’t mind, as long as he could get off this project. 

Marlene and Alice were good people. They weren’t going to make him do this when he reminded them of how much he was doing, how much weight he was actually pulling. He was sure of it. 

“Bullshit. He doesn’t hate you.”

Well that wasn’t what he anticipated. 

Marlene wasn’t having this. She began to extrapolate on her point, and Sirius was only half listening. “He thinks you’re cool and intimidating, Sirius. He was trying not to feel small. It might not be your style to take that on, but he doesn’t hate you and you know it.” Marlene seemed really keen on keeping him on this project. Sirius wondered why for a moment, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn't know how hard she worked to put him on this account in the first place. 

“Marlene, I don’t know how else to tell you this, but,” he could feel his tone rising. He was starting to get upset. “I don’t have the luxury of time right now to redo the last week of work by myself. Especially when he wants it by today. I don’t have the fucking time. All because he doesn’t like me. I don’t have the time. Take me off the fucking project.” 

“I’m sorry what? What even happened in this meeting?” Sirius wished she had just been there. He wished she watched it happen, because the idea of going through all of the gory details all over again made his skin crawl. 

“Her,” It was probably unfair to place that much emphasis on the word, as though it was Marlene’s fault, “client told me to start over, and when I asked him for any feedback, he essentially told me that if I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it that I should be out of a job.” 

“You’re being dramatic, Sirius! He didn’t say that! He just said that–” She paused, and Sirius assumed it was because that was exactly what Remus had said. “that you were the artist, not him.”

“Marlene, we don’t let our junior designers take project lead most of the time. I know you really wanted him on this project, but one of the reasons that junior designers don’t lead projects is because a team of two designers on one project is less likely to get bullied. Start cc’ing me on all your emails, I’ll be overseeing this project. “ Alice was speaking with conviction and grace, something Sirius knew he lacked.  He knew that lacking in that made him hard to root for, but he didn’t care. 

“Can I clear out my schedule from these meetings? I really don’t want to even look at them anymore.” He wished he didn’t sound like a kicked puppy right now.

“No.” Alice affirmed, “You are not about to let a client bully you out of your job. Besides, I’m overseeing this project, and this relationship. If you’re not there, there is no relationship.” She really had an air about her that made her hard to question. Sirius wished he had that. 

With that, the conversation was over. Neither Marlene nor Sirius look satisfied, but Alice has provided her mentee as good of a solution as he was probably going to get right now. And effectively Marlene got what she wanted. Sirius was still on the project. 

“Both of you, take the day to cool off. I’ll be getting in touch with the client later today to make sure that our client relationship terms are actually being upheld. Something tells me he didn’t read them.” 

Sirius nodded numbly. He felt emotionally tapped out. There was no way that this was going to work. How was he supposed to juggle all of this, on top of his already stressful life. So instead, he logged off, like Alice suggested. He was not going to be logging back on any time soon. He could practically guarantee that. 

Sirius found his way to the couch, with its ever inviting comfort. All of the coziness of falling asleep, none of the bedroom associated trauma. That was definitely a bonus. Falling asleep on the couch always seemed far safer than falling asleep in his bed. There was less likelihood of nightmares, less anxiety, less flashbacks. It was a wonder Sirius ever made it to bed. Today, he didn’t. He sat on the sectional, curling himself into a small ball in the corner, and turned on something low intensity. He put on a documentary series about penguins, which felt like it would be soothing, and before he knew it, he was asleep. 

He was lucky when he logged out of his email, it auto populated his Out of Office message. Or at least, usually he thought that. Today he would have rather died, then have that functionality turned on. Because he was sure it was what prompted Remus to wake him from his peaceful nap with a call. 

Well, peaceful was a strong word. It definitely had its own fair share of thrashing, but Sirius would take thrashing and nightmares he couldn’t remember over this phone call. He dreads it until he slides the accept call button.

“Sirius Black.” He begins, because what is there to say. His voice sounded thick with exhaustion. He could hear it.

“We need to get that meeting on the calendar.” Didn’t Remus know he could just send a calendar invite? This remote thing wasn’t nearly as complicated as he made it out to be. 

“I’m out of office Remus.” His tone was dripping with contempt. He didn’t want this. He wanted to sleep. 

“You’re always out of office. You never answer when i call you, it’s fucking nutty how hard I have to work to get you on the phone.” 

“It wouldn’t be if you could just check the google calendar or get your nose out of my business.” Sirius didn’t know he was feeling this spicy today. But apparently, he was enjoying controlled confrontation.  

“i don’t think that’s—“ 

“Stop asking people why I’m not in office. It’s none of your business.” He wasn't pulling any punches right now. He was going to get this man off of his back. “It’s fucking weird. I don’t know you.”

“I was just–“ Remus wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise. Sirius wasn’t going to let him. 

“And for that matter, it shouldn’t matter whether or not I’m remote. It seems to bother you so much, but you were the one who tried to put me on the project. You were the one who asked Marlene about it. I’ve been remote since before you got picked up, it’s not news to anyone else on the team. It’s weird that you’re so concerned with me.”

“You were the one who—“

“That was a big fucking mistake.” Sirius spit in response. Sure, he wanted to see Remus again when he had asked him on that date. But putting it all in perspective, he couldn’t do that. And he didn’t like that Remus was pressing everyone for the details of his personal life. He would rather cut this off here, not risk the court date and the details being aired out. Especially not since they could be used to take Regulus from him. He couldn’t risk it. 

“What was the point of it then? Why’d you ask me and then pull this?” Remus’s voice sounded small. Like he was going to cry. 

“I liked you until you started prying into my life. I don’t need more people running around trying to dig up information on me.” Sirius shouldn’t have said that. He felt it in his chest, but he couldn’t take it back now. He practically wants to scream, you could have just waited, I would have explained. But he could not do that, because it definitely wasn’t true. 

“Oh.” That’s all Remus said, before he clicked the phone off and hung up. 

Sirius didn’t have the time to think about that. He just didn’t. While six months ago he would have spiralled out of control thinking about what that short “oh” meant, but he couldn’t spend that time right now. Shit. What time even was it? He checked the time when his eyes began to focus again, and took a moment to try to collect himself. It was half past five, and he had no time because Regulus would be home from football in twenty minutes and Sirius needed to have dinner on the table. So he jumped off of the couch, and tore from the living room area into the kitchen. What was he even going to make? How would he even pull this together? 

He was moving at a speed he wasn’t sure he even possessed these days. He was running through what he could make mentally, trying not to come up with anything that would wear on him too heavily or signal a lack of effort to Regulus. It was a fine line that he walked every night. When food was too terrifyingly bland, too ashen in his mouth, and too overwhelming to his mind, how did he settle on something comforting for his brother? And on top of that, he needed to be quick.  He was running out of time.  He grabbed a jar of pasta sauce that he had made earlier in the week, and a box of spaghetti, and hoped that this would be enough. It wasn’t good enough to stand up to the chefs in the Black family home, but then again, he didn’t think Regulus wanted that anyways. 

When Regulus finally walked through the door, Sirius was almost done cooking. He had meatballs in a pan, the pasta was strained, and the sauce was warm. Maybe this would be enough. Maybe he would have done enough for them to just enjoy dinner, and have a normal night. 

“Hey, Siri.” Regulus looked calm for the first time in a long time. Hopefully tonight would be a good night. Hopefully they could have a normal meal, laugh and smile and have a good time. It would be nice. 

“Hey, Reg.” Sirius replies, putting together a bowl for his younger brother. He wanted so badly to just let things be normal. He puts one together for himself as well, and brings them over to the table.  If he needed to do it, he would. He didn’t want to be anything other than a positive force in Regulus’s life. He didn’t want to cause problems for him. “How was school?” 

Regulus looks up, god, when did his eyes start looking so sad. Where did the light he used to have in his eyes go? Had Sirius really missed so much  of his life? “School was fine. Kind of long. They sent me  to the  social worker today. Grilled me on what it was like living with you.”

Sirius felt his eyes go wide. Sure, it wasn’t surprising that they did, but still, it terrified him. 

“I told them everything was awful, obviously.” Regulus chuckled, and for a moment, Sirius’s heart dropped. However, in a moment, he was laughing right along with Regulus. Of course it was a joke. He hadn’t told them that, because he didn’t want to go back. Sirius was terrified of anyone taking Regulus, but Regulus seemed to be terrified of being taken away. At least today, he seemed to be. “I told them it’d be easier to get acclimated if someone stopped mum and dad from taking us to court all  the time.” That statement was smaller, more fearful. It was as if Regulus was afraid he had done something wrong. 

“Mate, I–” Sirius began, but Regulus stopped him, “Siri you can’t stop them. You don’t need to apologize to me.” 

That sentence could have made him crumble. It probably would have, if they weren’t interrupted by a knock at the door.  Sirius felt himself jump, and he watched Regulus do the same. God, Sirius wished they weren’t so fucking damaged. He wished that any noises that they didn’t know was coming didn’t startle them.  He wished they hadn’t been conditioned to be afraid for so many years. But then the key is clicking into the lock, and  Sirius is jumping up. He  doesn’t want this right now. He can’t do this right now. He knows it’s Jamie as soon as the sound of the tumblers click into place.  So he walked over  to the door with speed and a mission. He would keep them out of his home if he could help  it,  because he couldn’t do this tonight. They needed a calm night at home, a night of peace and family time, and Regulus was shifting uncomfortably  in the chair. 

“Jamie, you can’t  be here.”  Sirius began, before he even opened the door. 

“Mate, you didn’t come to the family dinner. We wanted to see you, so we came  to you,” James laughed and when Sirius looked around, it was the team. Including Remus. 

“No,” Sirius puts his foot behind the door,  holding it closed with only  his head poking out. 

“But Sirius it’s been forever since anyone’s seen you,” Peter called from behind him.  

“No, lads. Go home. It’s a school night.”  Sirius wasn’t budging. In fact, he was pleading.

“You don’t have a kid.” Remus called, clearly looking bitter. Sirius wanted to scream that he didn’t know what he’s talking about, because he didn’t.

“Go home, guys. You can’t come in. It’s a school night.” He repeated. They couldn’t. He didn’t want Reg to be so uncomfortable, which he clearly was. 

“Fine.” James looked irritated. Sirius understood why. He understood that he had forgotten the plans James made, but at the same time, he couldn’t juggle this right now. He didn’t have the time for all of this. He knew he had been MIA from his friend’s lives, but this wasn’t forever. It was just until he was done with all of these hearings. Just until his parents would stop. Just until Regulus felt more comfortable. Just until the chaos ended. 

Sirius returned from the door, and sat down at the table again. He didn’t really care to talk about it, but his brother looked so guilty that he felt like he had to. 

“They could’ve come in. I would’ve eaten in my room.” His eyes welled with tears, and he looked so deeply uncomfortable. 

“Reg, this is your house. Not theirs.”  Sirius responded with as much authority  as he could muster, but he definitely didn’t want to scare him. He didn’t want to seem like his parents, he didn’t want to behave the way that they did ever. It was a fine line to walk, and he knew it would get harder when he needed to put his foot down, be a disciplinarian in any way. But for right now, that wasn’t a concern of his. Right now he was much more focused on making this a welcoming environment. It needed to be comfortable for him before they could handle anything else.  

“It’s your house, you can have people over if you want.” Regulus’s voice sounded thick with concern, laced with guilt. Sirius was terrified that he was royally screwing this whole thing up. He wanted to be a good brother, a good guardian, a support system. “I don’t wanna cause problems.” There it was, the sentence before the crumble.  Sirius could see it coming, because it was like looking into the past. Regulus reminded him of himself so much that it hurt sometimes. 

“Reg, mate,”  he started, and then he stood up (and pretended that he wasn’t seeing stars). “You aren’t causing problems,” in just a moment, he was beside his younger brother and his arm was wrapped around the teen’s shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re here. All I’ve ever wanted is to get you out of there. I just couldn’t before. The council wouldn’t let me.” 

“But– but–” Reg was stuttering and spiralling, “If I wasn’t here they wouldn’t be taking us to court all the time, there wouldn’t be private investigators, you wouldn’t have to worry.” His words felt like burns on Sirus’s skin. It felt like a vice gripped his heart, and all he wanted to do was support his brother.  All he wanted was for everything to finally be okay. 

“Reg, look at me.” Sirius’s calloused hand gently pulled his brother’s shoulder to face him. “I want you here. I have wanted you here since I left. I missed having my kid brother around, alright?” 

“Oh,” Reg responded, but he had already become despondent and detached. He wasn’t coming back from the stress and the emotional turmoil tonight. Sirius understood. He had been like that when he first left. Hell, he was still like that. He didn’t have the energy to do for himself what he had done for Regulus, by getting him the best treatment he could, and making sure to keep him together. He was trying to do for Regulus what Euphemia and Monty had done for him. He knew that he wasn’t measuring up to them, but he was trying. He knew that he had taken for granted what they had done, he was re-engaging in behaviors that weren’t healthy for him. Things they had worked so hard to pull him out of. But he was trying, and he didn’t have the time to take care of all of those old behaviors that had flared up. He didn’t have the energy to work on himself, when he had all of this going on. 

Shortly thereafter, Regulus decided to go to bed. Sirius understood, it had been a lot of effort to go to school, and footie, and deal with the stress of Sirius’s friends showing up out of nowhere. And Sirius was thankful in a way, because he was about to rip into James for doing this again. He should know better. Within minutes, he was ringing James and seething. He can barely wait until the phone is done ringing to start going in on him.

“Jamie, you can’t fucking do that to me.” He began, “You can’t just bring people to my fucking house, especially not people who don’t know what is going on. I can’t have people over– they have a fucking PI looking into me, documenting everyone who’s here, when they’re here. I can’t have a bunch of people over on a fucking school night! They’re going to try to take him from me over the smallest fucking thing, let alone having several twenty somethings over in the middle of the week out of nowhere!” He was not even taking a moment to breathe, “How could you fucking do that to me? Why do you want to help them?  I can’t even fucking leave my house without being fucking interrogated about it every two weeks in court! You can’t bring people here!” He reached up to push his curly black hair out of his eyes, and he realized that he was crying. He was really caught off guard by it. 

James waited a moment, before responding. James was always much better about keeping his cool than Sirius had ever been, and if he was honest, Sirius appreciated it. He appreciated that James kept it together when he couldn’t. “Sirius, I didn’t know. I don’t want you to get him taken from you. I’m sorry.”

“Jamie they can’t do it– they can’t take him– I can’t let them–” Now it was Sirius’s turn to spiral. The anger had subsided, and all that was left was his fear. He was terrified that he was going to lose his brother again, and he couldn’t handle that. 

“Siri– a judge would have to be mad to take him from you.” While that might have been true, it didn’t quell Sirius’s fears. 

“They have so much money, Jamie. They have so much power. They can do whatever they want and get away with it. It doesn’t matter if it’s legal.” Sirius wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. He was so terrified, and there was nothing that anyone could do to make this less terrifying. It was almost terrifying just how much power the Black family actually held. Sirius wasn’t sure that he could do enough to stand up to them. 

“I’m worried about you, Pads.” James let out a sigh, it seemed like this was a conversation he was dreading having. “You’re alone all the time. You never go anywhere. You’ve been lashing out at people— Pads, I can’t remember the last time it was this bad.” He sounded almost as terrified as Sirius felt. 

“I see them more now than I have in years, Prongs. I can’t handle this.” His voice is breaking. He was trying so hard not to lose it, but it hadn’t worked and it probably wouldn’t anytime soon. 

“You haven’t been seeing your counselor.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. 

“You don’t know that.” He was right, Sirius hadn’t been seeing his counselor. 

“Yeah I do. You’re online when you usually see her. Is it about the money? Me and Lil can help you out with money.” Sirius hadn’t expected to be called out like that. He didn’t have the energy to handle this conversation right now. 

“I can’t do this right now.” Sirius responded, “I’ve gotta go.” He didn’t really, he just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to not talk about it anymore, pretend everything was fine, dissociate for hours. That was what he wanted. It was completely unremarkable. 

[taxicabinmemphis]

Prince Charming - Chapter 5

chapter one - chapter two - chapter three - chapter four - chapter five - chapter six

Word count - 3,332 Pairing - Intrulogical, Prinxiety, Moceit (I’m deleting the pre bc I have decided to have a chapter with them getting together) Warnings - some characters are a lil insensitive in spots but I wouldn’t call them unsympathetic, creativitwins angst, swearing, food mention, self-deprecation bc they’re all wrecks, pining, and then there’s Remus-typical behavior (body horror mentions, sexual innuendo/mentions of sexual stuff, and other stuff heh), if there’s anything else that should be tagged or put in the warnings, tell me!

After a hearty and delicious meal of spaghetti and meatballs with a side of broccoli, the sides had all retired to get ready for bed. The adventure had gone terribly late, so dinner was later than they’d ever had it.

Logan stopped when he reached the door to his room. Yes, he knew that the next logical course of action would be to enter his room and get ready for bed, perhaps read a book as his stomach digested dinner, but he couldn’t help but remember how quiet Remus had been at dinner. He was never quiet.

His mind flashed back to what Roman said to Remus when they left the Imagination, and Logan clenched his left hand into a fist. Roman, while always striving to do what he saw to be the correct course of action, could also be awfully insensitive. Especially when he didn’t even know he was doing it.

Logan promptly turned on his heels and walked towards Remus’ room.

He ended up meeting the side in the hallway outside his room. Remus was walking alarmingly slow and seemed to be contemplating something.

“Remus,” Logan called, a good fifteen feet behind him.

The creative side jumped in surprise. He turned to face Logan, eyes widened. “Oh, uh, Logan! What brings you to the dark and hellish end of the hall?”

Logan fiddled with his tie nervously. “I came to ask you about something, Remus.”

Silence followed Logan’s statement, prompting Remus to speak. “Well? Fire away, my sexy robot!”

A pink dusted Logan’s cheeks at the nickname. “Yes. Umm...are you okay, Remus?”

Remus blinked. “Of course I am, Nerdy Wolverine!”

Logan frowned. “I believe that’s a falsehood, Remus.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Really? What can I do to convince ya? Rip my heart out and dissect it?”

Logan shook his head, adjusting his glasses. “No, none of that. Just...I remember what Roman said back when we exited the Imagination. It wasn’t kind, but he also had no cruel intentions. However, I could see that it...affected you. Are you okay? Do you require someone to...talk to?” Logan hoped he was doing this right.

Remus sighed and threw his hands in the air in resignation. “I might be okay. Does it matter?”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Remus. It does. You are a part of Thomas’ mind and it is important that you are functioning properly.”

“Functioning…” Remus gave a bitter laugh and shook his head. “Look, Logan. Ultimately, I am fine. I can intrude on everyone’s well-being just as I could three hours ago. You can go to bed, you don’t need to worry.” He paused. “Why do you care, anyway?”

Logan frowned. “You are a side, essential to Thomas creating and acting like himself.”

“You don’t know that,” Remus disagreed, shaking his head.

Logan closed half of the distance between them, concern written all over his features. “Of course I know that. I can logically ascertain what exactly your worth is as a side, especially considering I spend a significant amount of time with you.”

“Maybe all that time you spent analyzing my contributions in preparation to shoot them down has clouded your judgement, Logan,” Remus replied, spitting out Logan’s name like it repulsed him—when in reality, it did nothing of the sort.

Was that really how Remus thought of Logan? Someone who only listens so he can later tell someone else why everything he said was wrong? Logan tried to be kind like he did with everyone else, and many of Remus’ ideas interested him. He gave him honest opinions, criticisms, and scientific observations on anything Remus pitched him. But did Remus only see him as an instrument of the intrusive side’s demise?

“Remus…”

“No, Logan, please,” Remus interrupted. “Don’t pretend to care.”

“When did I ever say anything about pretending?!” Logan exclaimed abruptly, widening his eyes and putting a hand over his mouth when he noticed his volume. Logan did his best to erase the surprise from his face and compose himself, clearing his throat and making sure to lower the volume of his voice before continuing. “I apologize for the outburst, Remus. However, you seem to have perplexed me with everything you have said so far during this conversation. Presently, I believe the statement to question is your most recent one and I will state that I am unaware of any action I took that would give you a reason to think I was engaging in a deception at your expense.”

“Oh, Logan, you know. Just drop it and go to sleep,” Remus said, turning around and waving his hand in dismissal.

“No, Remus, I’m afraid I don’t know,” Logan said honestly. “That troubles me. Could you elaborate, please?”

Remus turned around slowly. “Maybe you think you don’t know, so I’ll enlighten you.” He took a deep breath. “You’ve been assigned to listen to me. You have to listen to my crazy bullshit whenever I think it up. In return, I listen to your criticisms, opinions, scientific analyses, notes, whatever. Even when you go insanely far in depth into a topic I might’ve brought up with one of my...contributions, as you call them. It’s a trade, a deal. You have to listen to me and then I listen to you because it’s the least I can do. Neither of us would’ve chosen it on our own, we both hate it, and you know you have better things to do. Don’t pretend to care just because some extra time together allows you to know more about me than you should.”

Logan processed what Remus said, staying unmoving only with the exception of blinking. This is what Remus thought of their arrangement? That he hated it, that he thought Logan hated it, that he forgot Logan was the one to suggest the arrangement in the first place? Janus’ words at the end of their sword fight rang through his head. Logan had been scared that Remus, the one side who listened to him, only did so out of courtesy. And he did. Logan’s fear was a reality.

“You forget that I suggested this...arrangement, as you call it. I was the one who pitched it to Thomas. I chose to do this, and do I have anything better to do? That’s subjective, so I don’t know. I am sorry this arrangement you hate so much has ended up being a prison rather than a way to save Thomas distress while not repressing you at the same time, so if there’s anything I can do to make the experience more pleasurable, I am open to hearing it. However, you are also mistaken that I hate it. I do not, I am incapable of such emotions. Though--”

“No you’re not,” Remus said, voice having a shocked tone caused by Logan’s previous statements and admissions.

“Sorry, what?”

“You’re not ‘incapable of such emotions’, you’re not some heartless robot without a soul. You have feelings, Logan, and I’ve seen them,” Remus elaborated, shock slowly dissolving from his tone.

“That’s ridiculous, you even called me a robot-”

Remus shook his head. “No. I’ve seen you interested by anything remotely scientific I bring up, I’ve seen you as burnt as black toast after I’ve talked to you for a particularly long time, I’ve seen you immediately after a conversation with the others when you have a desperate need to be listened to because they refused to, I’ve seen you embarrassed, I’ve seen you flustered—yes, I caught you burying your face in your hands today—and you just said you care about me. Even though that likely isn’t true, you have demonstrated care for Patton, Roman, and Virgil as well. Even just one of those examples is enough to prove you have feelings.”

Logan was silent for a few seconds, his weight shifting from foot to foot, looking everywhere but at Remus himself. Accepting that he couldn’t argue with most of Remus’ statements without communicating a falsehood, he decided to argue over the only one he could. “I do indeed care about you. It’s not just Patton, Roman, and Virgil. How could it be, considering only you listen?”

“I…” Remus tried to think of a good response. “I bother you. I wear you out. I give you all these terrible things to go through, forcing you to pick them apart like a medical examiner does with a rotting corpse, despite how disgusting and terrible they may be. I occupy way more of your time than I should, and I guess I’m sorry for that, so how could you care? I wouldn’t.”

Logan didn’t quite know how to respond. He wasn’t aware Remus thought so lowly of himself. He contemplated his reply.

“See? It’s not that hard to-”

Logan raised his hand as a demand for silence. Remus shut his mouth, only complying out of surprise. He waited as Logan carefully pondered what he would say next.

“Falsehood,” Logan said gently, starting his response. “None of those things are true. You shouldn’t be suspecting such things either, considering you have no way to know your effects on me. I want to say I wish you hadn’t said that, but I couldn’t do so with honesty, since my real wish is for you to never have thought—much less, believed—those falsehoods in the first place. However, I am considering your previous behavior and would postulate you do not believe me as I have not done anything to prove your statements are falsehoods. Would I be correct in saying this, Remus?”

Remus took a moment to respond, still processing Logan’s response. “I..uhh...yeah.”

Logan nodded. “First, you do not bother me. To bother someone is to trouble or annoy someone by interrupting or causing inconvenience. Considering that I volunteered to be in your company—which immediately debunks anything related to interruptions—and that my time with you makes you cause less inconvenience, you neither cause interruptions nor inconvenience to befall me. You don’t trouble me either. I spend time with you so don’t trouble anyone. And, everyone annoys me. So even if you did, which I don’t find to always be true, you wouldn’t be alone in that regard. You don’t wear me out too often either. Working with you only requires my ears and my brainpower, neither of which take much out of me since you rarely say anything that troubles me or forces me to contemplate problems that drain me. When you do, the reasons are typically seeded in my scientific curiosity for something you might’ve brought up, which is something I can in no way blame on you. To be candid, your company can be a relief, especially after dealing with the others.”

“That makes less sense than glow-in-the-dark lungs.”

“I’m not finished,” Logan stated, trying to be as kind as possible. “But if you would like me to restate what I just said-”

“No,” Remus shook his head. “I understand what you said...it’s just...how? How is that the truth?”

Logan’s face softened. “I am Logic, Remus. Many things that would normally affect a person or another side in a certain way will affect me in different ways or not at all. Your contributions don’t bother me as I am aware of their detachment from reality and get less disgusted at them than the others. And you listen to me, which is a far cry away from being a nuisance.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Remus said, shrugging.

Logan gave a small smile. It was hardly visible, but to Remus, it was as if Logan was grinning. Remus relished in the sight, hoping he could see it again soon and wishing it was something he could gaze at every day till the end of time. Logan never smiled, and Remus causing it made him all the happier.

“I am pleased to hear that you understand that I care for you,” Logan said, voice quiet and gentle. “Now, back to my original question. Are you okay?”

Remus turned his head to the side. “I was hoping you’d forget about the question.”

“Yes or no?” Logan pressed.

Remus took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “No.”

Logan nodded, taking a small and cautious step forward. “Do you require someone to talk to?”

Remus opened an eye and peered at Logan. “I don’t need anything, Pocket Protector.”

“Would you like someone to talk to?” Logan rephrased.

Remus shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to listen to me.”

“I already do.”

Remus gulped. “Alright. Yes, I suppose I would.”

Remus took a moment to gather his words, facing the floor but eyes flicking up to look at Logan every other second.

“Well, you were right,” he started. “About Roman, I mean. It was his comment. I know it’s kind of silly-”

“It’s nothing of the sort, he was out of line.”

“-But it still hurt. And yeah, he said none of us besides him were heroic and charming or whatever instead of just me, but still. It was directed towards me, and...he’s not wrong. I’m the resident villain. He’s the hero. I’ll never be heroic, or charming, or romantic while he can go and sweep Virgil off his feet. I guess his comment was just a wake-up call,” Remus continued. “I know he didn’t mean it to be mean and he’s just nowhere near being self-aware enough to take note of his insensitivity, but I still let it affect me. I shouldn’t have, but I did.”

“It’s fine if his comment got to you, Remus,” Logan said, taking another small step forward. “Roman says things like that sometimes without knowing what their consequences could be, and so it likely did mean nothing, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be able to hurt you, or that you’re wrong for letting it. But you also have to acknowledge that he’s wrong, and not view it as a wake-up call of sorts.”

Remus frowned, making eye contact with Logan. “What do you mean? I’m the evil murdery green side who will pull your teeth out and string them on a necklace if you’re not careful. Of course he’s right.”

“I suppose it’s a matter of perspective. Anyone can be a villain in the eyes of someone else. However, any establishment that a certain person is a villain ‘factually’ would be incorrect as the concepts of good and bad are arguably meaningless and any action can be seen as wrong or right in the eyes of another human. There is no truth in opinions, only preference.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“You may be a villain in Roman’s eyes, you can be a villain in your own eyes if you so choose, however, there is nothing that can or will establish you as a villain for everyone forever.”

“So to Roman, I’m a villain,” Remus said slowly, trying to understand.

“Maybe, he could have just been exaggerating,” Logan said quickly. “He also sees everything as very black-or-white, which I imagine contributes a great deal as well.”

Remus nodded slowly. “And I can see myself however I want.”

“Though I’d prefer that you see yourself positively or neutrally. A negative self-image is never good.”

“And you…” Remus trailed, raising an eyebrow playfully.

Logan’s eyes widened. “Oh, I don’t care for labeling those types of things. I do see you as a positive influence on my existence if that was your question.”

Remus grinned brightly. “That answer is better than fermented semen!”

There was an awkward silence between them.

“Do you honestly believe you can’t be heroic, charming, and romantic?” Logan asked quietly, not wanting to scare off the intrusive side.

Remus stared, surprised by Logan’s question. “It’s not an opinion, Logan, it’s fact. I’m a duke, not a prince.”

“And royal status dictates those traits?”

Remus shook his head. “No...I’m just not those things.”

Logan frowned. “Do you want to be?”

Remus took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to reply without confusing the nerd. “No. I know none of them fit my personality, and I don’t want them too. Especially charming. But...it might be nice to experience once. To prove Roman wrong and that it isn’t impossible for me to have the traits of a hero.”

“There are no specifically assigned traits to heroes, Remus,” Logan said, tightening his tie. “However, you can act however you want within the bounds of acceptable reality.”

“I can?” Remus asked, a smirk on his face. He started to take a couple of steps closer to Logan but stopped a good four feet away.

“Yes, you can,” Logan replied, voice quieter at Remus’ confident advance. The logical side shuffled his feet back, only moving a couple of inches.

“Do you think I’m heroic?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Do you think I’m charming?” He took a step closer.

“I-I don’t-”

Remus took another step, a larger one, closer to the logical side. There was likely only six inches between them. He stared deep into his eyes, a fiery passion for the visually impaired nerd burning hotter than any star Logan could name.

“Do you think I’m romantic?”

“I…”

Logan’s words died in his throat as he met Remus’ eyes. Remus, who was intrusive, offensive, bad to the bone, impolite, occasionally funny, interested in certain sciences, and strived to learn whatever Logan could teach. Remus, the only one who ever listened.

“You can if you want to be,” Logan said quietly, finally able to speak but never louder than the volume he was currently speaking at.

Remus hummed and pulled Logan flush against him by the waist.

“Remus?” Logan asked nervously.

“What is it, my bashful brainiac?”

“Do you really hate our arrangement?” Logan asked quietly, the question so painful to ask but the answer was something he needed to know before anything else happened. “And do you only listen out of courtesy?”

Remus sighed, running his free hand through the logical side’s hair. “Not one bit. And you are the most interesting person I’ve ever spoken to.”

Logan let another small smile cross his face and glanced at his feet.

“So I can be romantic, hmm?”

Logan nodded.

Remus smirked. He swept Logan into a dip—one arm around Logan’s thigh, lifting his leg into the air, and the other arm around his shoulders. Remus gazed lovingly into Logan’s shocked brown eyes and admired the red face of his nerd, giving the side a second to process what he did. He then dipped his gaze to Logan’s lips and flicked his tongue across his own.

“May I?”

Logan gulped before nodding.

Remus immediately crashed his lips against Logan’s; the simple nod of Logan’s head acting like a lamp that just turned on and Remus’ lips being their loyal moth.

Logan was still shocked from previous events when Remus’ lips met his, his eyes still open. Remus didn’t hate him, which was a plus, and now Remus was expressing romantic interest in him? He couldn’t believe it.

Yet, it was still happening. Logan closed his eyes, put a hand on the nape of Remus’ neck, and deepened the kiss.

It was something both were desperate for, something they had both wanted for ages—no matter how long they were aware of their romantic feelings for the other.

And so they dissolved into the other: Logan melting wherever Remus’ hands met his body, and Remus putting his desperation and need for Logan on clear display as he kissed him like he never would get to again. Remus got to be romantic, Logan was treated like a beautiful princess, and they both felt so incredibly loved.

The kiss eventually had to come to end, so when they both remembered they had to breathe, they pulled away and opened their eyes. Remus kept Logan in a dip and looked down at him like he was the loveliest thing to ever walk the earth. This only reddened Logan’s cheeks further. Remus gave him the fondest, most loving smile he could muster.

“I suppose I can be romantic.”

~

Taglist: @the-sympathetic-villain​ @justanotherhumanstuff​ @thistledown15​

~

This was technically the end of this story, but I do have a Moceit themed sequel that I have decided will just be chapter six. After that, hopefully it’ll be done! Hope you liked this chapter. Sorry, I meant to get this to you on Thursday but homework piled up and I just had a bad day Saturday so it’s coming to y’all now. (Also um you may have guessed but the image of Remus dipping Logan popped into my head and inspired this fic. It was 18k longer than expected)

[snowdice]

Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 16)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Deceit, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy

Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”

Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned, explosions, car crashes (more to be added)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 My Master Post

Remy met the beady little eyes outside the car window with a glare. The cow gazed back at him, a challenge in its eyes. “What are you looking at, future minced meat?” Remy asked.

“They’re dairy cows,” Emile said, head on the steering wheel.

“How the hell would you know?” Remy asked.

Emile looked up at him. “The crashed truck says, ‘Robinson’s Family Dairy.’”

Remy pursed his lips. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Emile gave him a droll look.

“Maybe they’re the rejects!” Remy turned back to the cow. “I bet you’re too stupid to make milk, huh?”

The cow let out a breath that fogged the window between them.

“Bastard,” Remy grumbled at it.

“You are talking to a cow,” Emile reminded him.

“Oh, like you don’t talk to stuffed animals,” Remy shot back.

“At least I don’t make enemies with them and insult them.”

“She deserves it!”

“She’s just standing there. You’re taking out your frustrations on a farm animal.”

Remy looked back at the cow, his eyes narrowed. Its eyes peered back at him and they did not need to share a language to understand each other in that moment. “I’ll show you a coward,” Remy growled, taking off his seatbelt.

“No, Remy,” Emile hissed. “Don’t you dare.”

Remy ignored him and opened the door to climb out of the car.

“We are on the interstate!”

“Now, you listen here,” Remy said, staring the cow down. “You’ve already caused enough problems for me today. The least you can do is not stare me down in my own…or well my brother’s own car. You feel me?”

The cow stared at him blankly and made a mooing sound.

“Are you understanding the words that are coming out of my mouth right now?”

“I promise you, she isn’t,” Emile offered from the car.

Remy continued to stare the cow down. Finally, after a moment of staring, the cow turned away.

“Ha!” Remy said. “I win.”

“Get back in the car before you get trampled by a herd of cows,” Emile said.

“I’m not going to get trampled,” Remy insisted. “If anything, I’m establishing myself as their ruler.”

“Is this a productive use of your time?” Emile asked.

“Oh, what?” Remy said turning back to him. “And sitting in the car doing nothing is such a better use of my time? Thank you for your input, doctor.”

“Remington, please.”

“Oh, stop with the full name, bullshit,” he turned to cow nearest to him, “no offence intended,” he assured it before turning back to Emile. “You’re not our mother!”

There was a pause. “Remy,” Emile said calmly. “I know you’re upset about Virgil, but...”

“In fact,” Remy talked over him. “I’m older than you! Do you remember who put you through college so you could get that fancy degree you keep using on me tonight? Because it certainly wasn’t our mother because she was already fucking dead! Don’t act like you’re my parent because here’s the thing, I raised you by myself for three years. So, if I’m a shitty dad, you’re definitely fucked up somewhere under that shining topcoat of head doctor crap.”

“I never at any point said-” Emile started, but Remy cut him off.

“Oh, but we both know you’re thinking it!”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Remy.”

“No, no,” Remy said. “I know exactly what’s going through your head. I never should have been a parent, and I proved that with you when you were a teenager, but I still managed to knock up literally the worst person I could. I’m constantly making horrible parenting decisions and even when I try to be responsible, I mess it up. Virgil’s third word was a curse word and I’m lucky he never developed scurvy because I let him eat whatever he wants. He’s currently on a cross-country road trip with god knows who because I fucked up a covert mission I had no business being on and now he’s being tracked down by the woman who shot me with a poisoned bullet. I’m a horrible person and a worse dad. That’s what you’re thinking.”

There was a second where his brother looked at him with his stupid annoying face. “Have you considered that you’re projecting.”

“Ugh!” Remy threw up his hands and turned to walk away.

“Remy where are you going?” Emile called after him.

“I’m walking to base to go get my kid!” Remy called back.

“It’s over 70 miles away!”

He turned around and spread out his arms. “Then I’ll ride a bloody cow! It’ll be faster at this rate!”

“They’ll be cleared up in a few minutes Remy, come back here!” Emile said. Remy flipped him off. “I am not following you on foot!”

“Good!”

Remy turned back around and strutted off down the interstate, skirting cows and police officers the whole way. He grumbled to himself and refused to turn back even when he was pretty sure by the flow of traffic that the accident must have been cleared 15 minutes later.

This was so stupid. Why was he so stupid and useless? Emile was probably glad he ran off like a petulant toddler so he wouldn’t have to deal with him. He’d probably be more effective finding Virgil without Remy messing it all up anyway. He kept walking.

After a couple minutes a car slowed and stopped next to him on the side of the road. Remy looked up to meet Emile’s eyes through the rolled down window.

“Get,” Emile said firmly, “in the damned car.”

Remy blinked in surprise and then hurried to do so.

Emile didn’t speak again until the car was back at a normal speed. “His first word was ‘dad,’” he said, “and he’s happy. I’m not a parent, but from what I’ve observed, parents are allowed to mess up. As long as they do their best and their kid knows they’re loved, they’re a pretty good parent. If you ask me, you’re a good dad.”

“Yeah, well his second word was ‘pizza,’ so I don’t know if it makes me that special,” Remy grumbled.

Emile glanced at him.

“I mean,” Remy continued. “Thank you and sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Emile said. “You know I love you right?”

“Oh, god don’t get all mushy on me.”

“I’m serious,” Emile said. “I’ve been angry at you this entire trip because if you’d died today, I don’t know how I would have handled it. You were reckless, and it could have easily gotten you killed.”

“Don’t you think I know I’m stupid.”

“Stop that,” Emile snapped. “That’s not what I said.”

“Well then, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, why, Remy?” Emile said. “Are you bored? Do you want to go back in the field?”

��No,” Remy said quietly.

“Are you sure?” Emile asked. Remy didn’t answer. “If you do, that’s fine.”

“It’s not though.”

“You’re the one who made that decision and it was 15 years ago,” Emile reminded. “If you want to change your mind, that’s fine, but if you’re going to do it, you can’t just go do it. You have to talk to Logan first, to me, to your kid. Your actions affect other people.”

“I know that.”

“I know you know that, but you just…You get so involved in your head sometimes and forget to think about the consequences. Or worse you ignore them because they’re too hard to think about.”

Remy reached forward and turned on the radio.

“Really?!” Emile asked.

“Chill,” Remy said, turning the volume down, “I just don’t want to have another cow disaster.”

Emile nodded and seemed content to wait for him a few minutes so he could gather his thoughts.

“I’m trying, Em,” Remy said. “Bless their souls, but I’m trying to not be our parents. It’s like walking a tightrope. Go too far one way, you’re an asshole, go too far the other your kid’s running from his mother’s hired guns and throwing out the tracking device you put on him because he thinks you’re dead.”

“It should have to feel like that for you.”

“Yeah?” Remy asked. “And how do you propose I stop it?” Emile looked over at him and opened his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, see a therapist. Do you have any suggestions that don’t require me to bare my soul and talk about my daddy issues to some random person?”

“No.”

“Rats.” Emile chuckled at him.

“If it’s any consolation, they would have hated how you turned out. I mean they 100% would have still loved you and would have adored Virgil, but you’d get so many side-eyes over the dinner table. I mean, a child out of wedlock, Remy?”

“They’d have tried to get me to marry her,” Remy said. “Then I would have introduced them to her, and they would’ve said ‘fuck that.’ Do you think I could have gotten dad to say, ‘fuck that’?”

Emile giggled. “That would have been weird.”

Remy hummed in agreement. Then they petered off into silence. “I love you too Em.”

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 17

[fandomsfeelsandfanfics]

Trainee/// Sirius Black x Reader

SUMMARY: Sirius is training a new member of the Order for an upcoming mission. No matter how well his trainee performs Sirius seems to be relentlessly hard on them. Soon they find out it may have more to do with just training.

WORD COUNT: 4,500ish

WARNING(S): age gap, a lil cussing here and there

A/N: long time no see! I’m not dead I swear, I left kind of abruntly but it definitely was not a permanent leave. I am back and I certainly can’t promise I’ll be as active as I was, but I’m taking it one day at a time and I’ve got a lot of ideas I’d like to write so let’s see what happens.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

   “Again,” Sirius commanded. You groaned loudly, letting your hand fall back to your side. For what seemed like hours, you had been in a large study on one of the upper levels of Grimmauld Place with Sirius, practicing combat spells. 

   You turned to look at him. His face was fixed in a stern, unreadable expression. He slowly turned towards you and pointed at the dummy at the far end of the room. “Again.” 

   Taking a deep breath, you turned your attention back to the dummy. You raised your wand to eye level and cast. “Flipendo.” The dummy was knocked back a few feet, but otherwise remained upright.

   You looked back at Sirius, expecting some type of reaction. He crossed his arms. “Again. Harder.” You shook your head slightly and shifted your eye back to the dummy. No matter how well you did, he seemed to only put more pressure on you.

   “Flipendo.” The dummy moved back a few more feet. 

   “Again.” 

   Your hand fell against of your side in a fist once more. “This is ridiculous!” 

   Sirius walked over to you. He loomed over you about a foot and it was noticeable. But in the mood you were in, you weren’t the slightest bit intimidated. You looked him directly in his eye. 

   “I said again.” He walked around you until he was standing directly behind you. You could feel his chest firmly pressed against your back. His hand wrapped around your wrist and raised your hand. He gently tilted your hand until your wand was pointing at the dummy.

   He leaned down closer to you and you could feel his breath fanning against the back of your neck. “And this time with less mouth, hmm?” 

   His hand left you wrist as he stepped away from you. You focused all your energy on the dummy. Gripping your wand as tightly as you could, you let all the magic you could flow out of you. “Flipendo!” The dummy catapulted through the air, landing with a crash against the wall. 

   You turned excitedly towards Sirius with a self confident smile on your face. His lip involuntarily quirked up slightly. He couldn’t help but smile at how proud you were. 

   “That’s better. Let’s try again.” He walked past you and your shoulders fell in defeat. You watched him set the dummy back up. When he was finished, he motioned toward it, waiting for you to fire a spell. 

   As he watched you stand there silently, his eyebrows narrowed. “Well, come on then.” 

   “No.” 

   He looked taken aback for a minute. His mouth fell open slightly in shock but quickly he regained composure. “Excuse me?” 

   “You heard me.” 

   “(Y/N)...” You could sense the warning tone in his voice. Typically, you wouldn’t have been as willing to test him, but today you were in the mood to argue. 

   “Sirius,” you replied firmly.

   He took a step closer to you. “You’re being a brat.” 

   “And you’re being an arsehole.”His face went completely blank. You couldn’t register any shock or even anger. That was until he tilted his head slightly and suddenly, you could see a fire in his eyes.

   An apology nearly escaped you, but before you said anything could his wand was out. “Relashio.” Your grip on your wand loosened and it fell to the ground, hitting your foot. 

   "Sirius,” you grumbled, leaning down to reach for your wand. 

   “Ventus.” You had to duck to avoid his spell. He stared down at your angry face and shrugged nonchalantly, taking another step toward you. 

   “Titillando.” It wasn’t a particularly powerful spell, it was a hex school children used on one another. It hit Sirius squarely in the chest but didn’t seem to have any an effect.

   “Can we use adult spells now,” Sirius asked condescendingly. 

   If you weren’t already furious by that point, his tone would’ve changed that. “Fine,” you replied through clenched teeth. “Colloshoo.” Sirius countered the hex and continued to advance toward you. 

   “Better.” He came toward you rapidly, firing spell after spell. You tried your best to defend yourself and attack him simultaneously, but he was good and most of his spells hit you. 

   You backed away from him as quickly as he came toward you but then your back hit a wall. In your moment of confusion and desperation, he cast Expelliarmus. Your wand glided through the air before he caught it in his free hand and threw it over his shoulder. 

   He was only a few feet from you now. He let his hand relax around his wand now that you were defenseless and took the last few strides up to you. He pressed his wand against your temple and brought his hand up, wrapping it around your neck. His grip on your neck didn’t hurt, he just wanted you to be aware that it was there. 

   You stared down at the ground in defeat. "Look at me.” When you didn’t obey, he used his hand that held his wand to tilt your head upward by your chin. “Now let’s say I’m a Death Eater and if I manage to get this close to you, what do you think happens next?” He lifted his eyebrow in question and you looked away. “So, would you like to get back to practicing then?” 

   You jerked your head away from his touch. He took a step back from you and you stormed past him, making a point to bump into him on your way past. “I’m done today.”

   “Yes, I believe you are.” He let you leave without another word. 

   You slammed the door shut behind you and made your way down the stairs to the main floor. The house was nearly full at this point with Order members preparing for today’s meeting. You walked past a few people on your way to the dining room, mumbling greetings as you went. 

   You sulked through the door of the dining room. On the far end of the table were Charlie and Bill, who you sat next to wordlessly. 

   “(Y/N),” Charlie greeted. You nodded your head in his direction. “How’s training going?”

   You gave him a false smile. “Couldn’t be better.” 

   “So that slamming door wasn’t you then,” Bill chimed in. 

   “Oh no, it was me.” You threw your head back against the chair with a sigh. “It’s just Sirius. He’s so damn hard on me all the time and no matter what I do it doesn’t seem to be enough.” 

   “Hm, maybe he has a thing for you,” Charlie replied. You laughed slightly. 

   “Oh, please. And anyways, if he does he has a hell of a way of showing it.” 

   “Look.” Bill pointed over your shoulder and you turned to see what he was talking about. Sirius stood in the doorway of the room quietly talking to Remus. They looked over at you after something Sirius had said. When they saw you staring back at them, Sirius put his hand on Remus’s shoulder and led him into the hallway.

   “What do you reckon they’re on about?” There was no doubt they were talking about you but you hadn’t the faintest clue why. You shrugged, not truly caring anyways. 

-

   Remus and Sirius came back into the room at the beginning of the meeting. Sirius took a seat next to you and you tried very hard not to look at him, although, you could tell he was looking at you. 

   “(Y/N),” he murmured. You finally looked over at him. He opened his mouth only to close it again. This happened a few times, as if he were trying to find the words to say. 

   He never got the chance to say anything at all. Remus started the meeting and Sirius cleared his throat and turned away without a word. 

   The meeting droned on and you hardly paid attention as Remus discussed the details of previous missions. You spent your time wondering what Sirius had wanted to say to you. When Remus started talking about the upcoming Order mission, you perked up in your seat. 

   This was the first mission you were going to go on. You’d been waiting for this and you were incredibly excited. You wouldn’t have been spending every afternoon for the past month in this gloomy house trying to impress the grumpiest man in the world, if you hadn’t really wanted. 

   “As previously discussed, going on this mission will be me, Sirius, Bill, and our newest Order recruit, (Y/N).” You beamed with pride at the mention of your name. “However...” your face sunk slightly and you leaned forward in your seat, wondering what he would say next. You looked over at Sirius, who was determinedly not meeting your eye, and then back to Remus who looked almost sad. “Sirius and I have discussed the matter and based on the progression of your training, we think it’s best that you don’t come along for this mission, (Y/N).”

   Your eyebrows drew together and you stood from your seat. “What?” 

   “(Y/N),” Sirius whispered. He grabbed your wrist, trying to pull you back into your seat. You ripped your arm away from his grasp. 

   “This isn’t fair.” 

   “I understand, but perhaps, next time.” Remus and Sirius both shared the same apologetic smile. You shook your head in disbelief. You pushed your chair back, retreating from the table. 

   “(Y/N),” Sirius called after you. You ignored him, throwing the doors open and leaving the room. Sirius turned back to the rest of the Order, smiling awkwardly. “I’d better go check on her.”

   He scrambled from his seat and raced after you. By the time he was had entered the hallway, you were well on your way to the next story of the house. “(Y/N)!” 

   You spun around toward him. “That’s bullshit,” you yelled. He stood at the foot of the staircase, not quite knowing what to say. 

   He was momentarily distracted by whispering from above him. He turned his head upward, spotting Harry, Hermione, and a gaggle of red headed children. You followed his eye and spotted them as well. Quickly, they all ducked out of sight. 

   “Would you mind if we talked in private,” Sirius finally said. 

   You crossed your arms. “Alright.” 

   Sirius came up the stairs. When he reached you, his arm came out and nearly wrapped around your shoulder. You glared at him and he quickly shoved his hand in his pocket. He led you up the stairs and down the hall you knew led to his room. He held the door open for you. He entered after you and shut the door. 

   “Listen,” he said rather calmly. 

   “No. You listen, I’ve been working my ass off for over a month! A bloody month! I’ve been working hard just so I can go on this damn mission and then last minute you tell Remus that you haven’t “deemed me worthy”? You’re an arsehole.” You stormed over to him, poking him squarely in the chest. 

   “I understand that you’re mad-” 

   “Mad,” you interrupted. “I’m downright furious! Because it’s never enough for you, no matter what I do you’ll never be happy.” 

   “I think you’re a damn good witch! Okay? So, let’s clear that up right now. You’re a fantastic witch, one of the best I’ve seen in the Order since the last war but I’ve seen lots of fantastic witches die because there’s been someone better. You’re great but I’m not going to risk the chance that you’re not great enough and send you out there unprepared. You aren’t ready yet and that’s final.” 

   Your bottom lip poked out slightly, you hadn’t even realized. But Sirius had. His eyes darted down to your mouth before looking back at your eyes, trying desperately to not let it affect him. 

   “Sirius, this means so much to me. I just want to do what’s right. I want to fight.” Now your eyes looked up into his softly. And Sirius tried to retain his calm demeanor but when you looked up at him through your eyelashes, well, it would’ve made any man weak. 

   “(Y/N),” he said reluctantly. You could hear his resistance breaking away and you knew you were getting somewhere. 

   “Sirius...” 

   “Can you stop pouting, for heaven’s sake?” 

   “Why,” you questioned.

   “Because I’m trying to discipline you. But I’m an old man and I’m soft, darling.” You tried not to be slightly embarrassed at the pet name. Surely, he called everyone that. Right?

   “You aren’t that old,” you replied, honestly.

   “Well,” he ran his hand through his hair, which was streaked with grey here and there but was otherwise as healthy as it had been when he was at Hogwarts. 

   “Sirius, come on.” You took another step closer to him. Then another. You were inches apart now. You were about to take another half step toward him when he closed the distance himself. Sirius normally considered himself a man with a great amount of willpower but that flew out the window whenever he was with you. 

   His lips were on yours and...oh. Oh. So maybe Charlie’s idea wasn’t that farfetched. You gasped into his mouth and after a moment, his lips left yours. 

   “I should not have done that,” he said breathlessly. For a moment, you stood there, just looking at him. Taking him all in. Merlin, he was handsome. It wasn’t that you hadn’t noticed it before but now it was striking. His grey eyes bore into yours, questioning what you would do next. Your eyes wandered down to his lips, bright pink and slightly bruised. 

   He seemed ready to say something else but your hand came up to rest against the curve of his jaw and you pulled him back in to kiss you. He seemed to sigh against you in relief as he fell into your kiss. His hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer him.

   You pulled away, looking at him. He removed his hands from your, straightening his suit and clearing his throat. “Right.” He paused, allowing himself a moment to consider what had just happened and how much he wanted to kiss you again. But first, business. “Look, I’ll make a deal with you. And this isn’t because of what...er, what just occurred. I do believe in your capabilities as a witch and the only thing holding me back from sending you on this mission is how much I...care about you. I see that that’s slightly unfair and perhaps, selfish so I will let you come.” 

   Your lips spread into a smile but before you could thank him his hand came up to halt your actions. “But, you will be coming purely as back up. You will stay by my side the entire time and you will not purposefully put yourself in the line of danger. This is purely a learning experience, not a chance to show off, understand?”

   “Yup.” You tried to contain your excitement but it was written all over your face.

   “And in the mean time, we’ll continue practicing.” Your face fell and your shoulders slumped. Sirius smiled at you before kissing you on the top of the head. “Come on.” He walked toward the door, opening it for you. 

   You followed him with a frown. Once you reached him, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and lead you into the hallway. 

   He stopped at the stairs, drawing his other hand around to your shoulder. “I’m gonna go talk to Remus about the change in plans, you go on ahead to the study, alright?” You nodded, watching as he made his way down the stairs. 

   You turned, walking down the narrow hallway to the study. Once you walked through the doors, you made your way to the center of the room and eyed the dummy carefully. 

   Your wand came up, pointing sharply at the dummy. You had a spell on the tip of you tongue but you let your wand fall to your side with a sigh. The last thing you wanted to do was think about this. You stuck your wand in your pocket. 

   Your mind was elsewhere.

   You’d never thought that Sirius would kiss you. Well, perhaps you'd entertained the thought a time or two. When you met Sirius eye or when his hand lingered a moment too long. You’d had your thoughts but never in a million years would you have thought any of it was real. 

   Your hand came up to touch your lip, ghosting over it as Sirius’s lips had done seconds ago. It was electric, that was the only way you could possibly describe it. The way his hands felt, running up and down your side as he desperately pulled you against him. The way his lips pressed against yours carefully as if he was afraid to misstep. The moment that passed between you afterwards, when he looked so gentle, almost breakable, that you were afraid to even speak. 

   You exhaled at the thought. So maybe he did have a thing for you. That much was clear. And the way you felt for him, was beyond obvious. 

   You wanted him.

   The door opened causing you to jump in surprise. Sirius came through the door and you smiled. “Hi,” you said. 

   He simply smiled in response, making his way along the side of the room. Your eyes followed him as he came to stand a few feet to the right of you. He didn’t return your gaze, he nodded at the dummy and said, “Go on then.”

   You turned your attention back to the dummy. “Levicorpus,” you cast. You pulled the dummy off the ground about five feet. 

   “Good.” You looked over at him. He had his eyes still trained on the dummy with his arms crossed. 

   “So, are we going to talk about what happened?” He finally looked over at you. His eyes were slightly narrowed and his head was titled to the side. 

   “Well, I reckon I need a moment to really think it over. Try another spell.” 

   You gently returned the dummy to the ground. “Deprimo!” You blew a hole straight through the midsection of the dummy. 

   “Excellent. Now let’s--” 

   “Sirius, do you regret it,” you interupted. He quickly turned to you in surprise and he made his way over to you. 

   “Merlin, no. Why would you think that?” 

   You looked down at your feet nervously. “It’s just,” your eyes came up to meet his, “you said you needed to think about it and if you want to...I don’t know act like it never happened then--” 

   “No...no.” His hand came up to stroke your hair. “I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you.” He kissed your forehead. “Unless you want to, of course.” 

   You leaned forward kissing him passionately. He leaned into you, gripping your waist. Pulling away, he mumbled, “Alright.” He seemed slightly speechless. His eyes were closed and he had this sweet smile on his face. 

   He opened his eyes slowly to look at you. “Merlin, that just gets better every time we do it.” He took another breath before continuing. “What I meant was just that there’s a lot to think about. I mean I am older than you and people will talk.”

   “Who cares what they say.” You tilted your head, pouting at him. 

   He laughed slightly. “I want to say the same thing but it’s a bit more complex than that. There’s a lot of things that have to be considered. I promise, we’ll talk about all that and how we want to proceed. And then we’ll have plenty of time to do...” He paused, his eyes darting down to your lips. “...other things.” You smirked, biting your lips. 

   “But first, we need to practice.” He smiled when you let out a low groan. He kissed you on the forehead again before retreating back to the wall. “Go on, try another spell.”

-

   You made your way through a huge house, following closely behind Sirius. Every few moments he would look over his shoulder to make sure you were there. The entire mission all you had been able to do was watch Sirius take down Death Eaters, and frankly, it was getting boring. 

   You kept your eyes over Sirius’ shoulder looking for any Death Eaters that were coming your way. Out of the corner of your eye you saw a figure running by. You turned your head, just barely catching a Death Eater running down one of the hallways. Running toward the front doors. You looked back over at Sirius, who was focused strictly in front of him. 

   After a few moments, Sirius came to the end of the hallway. Before turning he looked both ways, ensuring there was no one there. Once he was sure, he whispered, “Let’s go, (Y/N).” He looked over his shoulder and you were gone. 

   His eyes swept the hallway behind him. “(Y/N),” he called quietly. “(Y/N),” he repeated, only slightly louder. Finally, he stopped, not at all surprised that you weren’t there.

   You followed the Death Eater down the hallway, quietly lurking behind him. You raised your wand toward him. “Fulgari!” He fell forward with a shout as white ropes wrapped around him body. You walked over to him, smiling proudly. 

   You turned around, ready to return to Sirius’s side. You were met with a Death Eater with his wand pointed at you. “Furnunculus!” The spell hit the right side of your body and it began to sting sharply. 

   Before you could recite a spell, Sirius came bursting into the hallway. “Petrificus totalus!” The man fell on his back with a crash. 

   You both watched him fall on the floor, then your eyes met. His jaw was clenched as he made his way down the hallway. You’d never seen him look this angry. You knew you were in for it. 

   Remus came from around the corner. You both turned to look at him. “Is everything alright here?” 

   Sirius eyes flitted between you and Remus. “Yes,” Sirius replied, through clenched teeth. 

   “Well, I believe we’ve done all we can here today.” Sirius nodded. Remus apparated, leaving you and Sirius alone. 

   He came closer to you. His arm wrapped around your waist. “Let’s go.” With that, the floor left from under you.

-

   The debrief seemed to last an eternity. As Remus discussed all the information that had been ascertained, all you could focus on was Sirius’s eyes on you. He sat across from you, staring at you angrily. You didn’t dare look at him but you could feel his gaze. 

   Remus finally concluded and as most of the Order left the room, you thought you might be able to get off the hook by following them. Before you were even a foot away from the table, Sirius called after you. “(Y/N).” You turned. “A word please?” Sirius rose from the table. 

   He didn’t say a word as he stepped closer to you. “I gave you very simple instructions and you couldn’t even follow those.” 

   “Sirius," you dared. “It was fine.”

   “It was bloody fine because I was there to save your ass! If I hadn’t been there, then what? You need to learn to listen to orders.” You rolled your eyes. “(Y/N)--” His hand grabbed your wrist and you winced. 

   Sirius took notice and released his grip on your wrist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you that hard, it’s just--”

   “It’s not you.” He tilted his head to the side. 

   Sirius looked down at your hand. It was covered in boils. He reached for your arm, gently raising it. He used his other hand to slowly draw your sleeve up. There were boils running up and down your arm. Sirius pulled your sleeve up to your elbow but the boils didn’t stop there. 

   “Oh, (Y/N).” He let your arm down gently. “Kreacher!” Within seconds the house elf came scampering in to the room. “Go get some Boil Cure, bring it to my room.” Kreacher left without a reply. 

   Sirius put his arm around your shoulder and led you out of the room. Sirius didn’t say anything until you were finally in his room. 

   You sat down on the bed, waiting for him to say anything. “You are so damn stubborn. I can’t believe how foolish you’ve been. This time you got lucky with boils but do you know how bad it could’ve been?” When you didn’t say anything, he stormed over to you, kneeling down to your level. “(Y/N), I asked you a question.” 

   “Sirius--” You didn’t get the chance to finish your thought as Kreacher opened the door. He brought Sirius the potion and left just as quickly as he had entered. Sirius handed you the vial and watched as you drank. 

   You returned the vial back to him and he got up to go set it on a shelf by the door. “You know,” he said, as he returned, “You remind me of my friends and I when we were your age.” He sat next to you on the bed. “Corageous and fearless. That’s one of the things that drew me to you.” 

   He turned to you, moving a strand of hair out of your face. “I have lost every single person I cared about to war. And if I lost you...I just don’t know what I would do. I’ve tried to train you as best as I know how and I’m scared to death that it won’t be enough and something bad will happen and I’ll have no one to blame but myself.” 

   “Sirius, I’m sorry.” He chuckled.

   “I know. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” He sighed, letting his hand fall. It landed on your thigh and he rubbed it slightly. “But I know the more I push you, the more you’ll fight. So I’m going to have to have faith in you.” 

   There was a moment of silence that passed between you. Sirius finally said, “That potion takes up to a day to fully work. So I was thinking, maybe you’d want to stay here while you healed? You don’t have to, of course, but I figured I could make sure everything’s alright and you’re healed before sending you on your way.” 

   “That actually sounds like a great idea.” You could see the excitement in his eyes as he tried to hide his obvious smile. You smiled at him. 

   He rose to his feet, straightening his clothes. “Alright, well, you can sleep in here. If you need anything I’ll be in my brother’s room.” 

   “Sirius?” 

   “Yeah?”

   “Could you stay in here?” His cheeks went bright red and you were surprised to find that you could get him flustered like that. 

   “Yes. Of course, if that’s what you want.” 

   You stood, walking over to him. You hand went up to his cheek, which was still slightly red. You pecked him on the lips. “That’s exactly what I want.”

[midnighttmarauder]

Go Away - Part 2

Read part 1 here!

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Summary: Reader thinks that James is in love with Lily and refuses to speak to him, so he writes them letters in hopes that they’ll realize the truth. 

Warnings: like one mild swear word, rushed ending 

Tags: @evyiione @quokkatrash @accio-rogers

A/N: This isn’t my best work, but I wanted to post something in a sort of comeback. I won’t be on here consistently because I just went through, and am still going through, one of the hardest times of my life. i just want to reconnect with you guys a bit and chat. As always, my inbox is open whenever any of you need to talk or just want to pop in and say hello. Hope you enjoy. Love you all xx

***

The past month had turned you into a master of avoidance. You had avoided James, Lily, and pretty much anyone associated with them to the best of your ability, which left you with nearly no one to talk to. Anytime Sirius or Remus even looked at you, you disappeared. It had been so hard to sleep that you had visited Madam Pomfrey, begging her to give you something that would essentially knock you out. The potion was effective, but disgusting. You had only taken it twice before you had given up and resulted to sharing warm milk and stories with the elves in the kitchens at night.

You committed James’ schedule and routes to class to memory. You took different hallways, didn’t even think of going to certain sections of the school altogether, and avoided the common room like the plague. From the little that you saw of James Potter, he looked happy.

James hadn’t actually broken up with you. He had confessed his love to Lily, which was basically the same thing. He had sent you multiple letters over the past few weeks, slipping them under your dormitory door or having them delivered at morning post. You didn’t have the heart quite yet to tear them up, so they sat unopened at the bottom of your trunk. Maybe you could open them one day. Or maybe they’d go straight in the fireplace.

James cornered you in the common room just before you could slip up the stairs exactly forty-seven days after he broke your heart. Seeing his face sent a pang of sadness through your heart, but it was replaced by a flare of anger that heated your cheeks.

“Can I talk to you?” James asked.

You only glared at him.

“C’mon, please just let me explain. You haven’t returned any of my letters, so I assume you haven’t opened them,” James said. He took your silence as your answer. “Since you won’t read them, at least give me a chance.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you ground out.

“Then you don’t have to. Just—promise me you’ll read the letters,” James said.

“Why should I? I don’t owe you anything,” you spat.

“I know. If you won’t read them for me, read them for yourself. You must have questions and I think the letters can answer them,” James replied.

“You know nothing about how I feel. You seem fine and dandy with your Lily flower. I should just throw your stupid letters in the fire,” you said. James sighed.

“Promise me you’ll read them. I miss you,” he muttered. You huffed and turned on your heel.

“You don’t get to miss me.”

***

James’ handwriting was both illegible and elegant. Sharp printing entwined with looping cursive created a lazy script that told when James’ hand got tired. Even though you promised yourself that you would never read the letters, something deep in your heart made you believe James. You cursed your weakness as you tore open the first letter with a little too much force, sending the wax seal sailing across your bed. You almost smiled as you unfurled the paper and smoothed it out on your knee.

Y/N,

I know you must hate me. But I want you to know that I don’t love Lily. Not anymore. I owe you an explanation.

I know you heard me tell Lily that I loved her, and I did. I told her that I used to love her because Sirius let it slip, as if I wasn’t obvious enough when I was in love with her. But I told her that I only love her the way I love Sirius or Remus now—as a friend. I swear to you that she’s nothing more. I wasn’t over Lily when I asked you to be my girlfriend. I’ll admit that I was a prick for getting into a relationship before I was fully over her. But you changed that. I never loved Lily as much as I grew to love you. You erased her and every other girl from my mind. You surrounded me, every second of every day. All I could think about was your pretty smile, your laugh, even the way you walk. I love everything about you. I still think about you every day, but now all I can think about is how I’ve messed everything up and lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

You’re it for me, love. I hope you’ll find it in you to forgive me.

James had a big heart to a fault. It was what made you fall in love with him, the fact that he had so much room for love. He offered his entire heart to everyone he loved, and still had enough to go around. You sniffled and tore open the next letter.

Y/N,

I hope you’re well. I noticed that you haven’t replied to my first letter, but maybe it got lost in the post. Those ruddy owls have a habit of dropping mail in the wrong places.

I miss you. I’m sorry for lying to you and telling you that I was over Lily when I wasn’t. I should’ve been honest from the beginning. I was a different person back then. I only cared about myself. But I’ve realized now that you’ve helped me grow up and become a better person. I want to be better for you.

Sirius keeps bugging me about talking to you, but I haven’t seen you around much. We’ve got a big match against Slytherin this weekend. I hope to see you in the stands. I always play better when you’re there.

You let out a sigh as you put the letter down and reached for the next one. You hadn’t gone to the match, hadn’t attended the party in the common room after to celebrate their win. While part of you was still mad, the other felt bad that you hadn’t been there. Not for him, you told yourself, but for the party.

Y/N,

Suppose my last letter got lost too. Maybe I should take my owl to the infirmary or something. I didn’t see you at the game, but we won! 250-240, it was super close. I wish you could’ve seen it, it was one of the most intense games I’ve ever played.

Sirius and Remus are on my ass again about talking to you. Remus said he saw you in the library the other night, but he didn’t know what to say. He said you looked okay, working away on Slughorn’s essay. Funny enough, I checked out the book you used right after you returned it. That’s the closest I’ve come to you in weeks.

I’m so sorry. I’ll send you a letter to prove it for the rest of my life if I have to. I miss you like crazy. Please, write me back or give one of us some indication that you’re okay.

Your heart beat painfully in your chest as you skipped over the remaining letters and opened the most recent.

Y/N,

Alice told me you have all of my letters, you just haven’t been opening them. I understand that you’re angry and don’t want to read them. I guess it helps me to write these, even though I know you’re not reading them. I don’t know if I’d have the courage to look you in the eyes and admit that I’m a coward. I’d give anything just to see you. You’ve become a ghost. I’ll do anything if you let me talk to you for even a minute. Whatever it takes to make you see that I’m sorry and that I love you. I hope you still love me, but I don’t really blame you if you don’t.

You had read enough. You collected the letters and stormed out of your dorm, nearly knocking Alice over on the stairs. She squeaked as you brushed past her and towards the boys’ dormitory. The stairs mercifully stayed intact as you stomped up the steps and knocked on the door. Sirius swung it open, and something like relief flooded his face.

“Y/N, what are you-”

“Where is he?” you asked. James appeared over Sirius’ shoulder. His hair stood on end and his shoulder peeked out of his t-shirt as he nudged his glasses up his nose.

“Y/N,” James breathed. You pushed past Sirius and waved the letters in James’ face.

“What do you think you’re playing at?” you growled. You distantly heard the door click shut behind you as James staggered back.

“Wha-what do you mean?” he stammered.

“Why couldn’t you say all this to my face?” you asked. Tears welled in your eyes despite your best efforts to keep them away.

“Because I’m a bloody coward, that’s why! You wouldn’t talk to me and I didn’t have the courage to come find you. I didn’t want to see you looking at me the way you are now,” James replied. He ran an aggravated hand through his hair, and you would’ve laughed if you could at the way it stood up.

“And just how am I looking at you?” you muttered.

“Like you hate me. I don’t blame you, I hate me too,” James said. You had never seen him look so defeated as he sank onto his bed and put his face in his hands. You sighed and sat down on Remus’ bed across from him.

“I’m not mad because of what you did. I understand now that what happened was a big misunderstanding. I’m mad at myself for not reading your letters sooner, and I’m mad at you for not growing a pair and trying to talk to me,” you said.

“I did try. You just yelled at me,” James replied, his voice muffled by his hands.

“But it made me finally read your letters. I thought you didn’t love me anymore because you didn’t come look for me. I thought you were so happy with Lily that you had forgotten,” you explained. James raised his head.

“Merlin, Y/N, I wasn’t happy. I was just scared that you didn’t love me either and I tried to act like everything was okay so that nobody would worry,” James said.

“It looks like we’re both gits who need to learn how to communicate better,” you replied.

“I’m sorry. I understand if you want to break it off and just be friends,” James said. You stood from the bed and stepped in front of him. He looked up at you as you leaned down to press your lips to his. James froze for a moment, and then wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you down onto his lap.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” James whispered against your lips. You laughed and cupped his cheeks, wiping his tears away with your thumbs.

“I love you,” you said. James smiled, and you found yourself smiling back. It felt strange after so long, but so right.

“I love you, sweetheart. Until we’re stardust.”