#the eclipse has made me deeply emotional

[aigeneratedteengirl]

this is just so beautiful

[crabsnpersimmons]

regarding your recent asks and responses on have you eaten Sun, it makes me very curious about his relationship with the children back in the daycare days, and moon's and Eclipse's by extension. this Sun and moon don't seem like swap versions of og sun and moon so it's not as simple as swapping their interactions w children ofc. was moon still more the favorite amongst the kids because of his less stoic and mechanical presence compared to Sun? did Sun have a lot of trouble interacting with and getting kids to listen to him because of his nature? did he perhaps unintentionally scare them at times? I don't know how much of this has been thought out, since your au is more focused on their current jobs at their restaurant, but it's neat thinking about how things could've been back then 🤔

haha no worries, i love this ask!

some background on the boys:

Eclipse was the first to be built, and he was specifically built for the Fazbear Theater. So he was always made to be a performer and an entertainer.

later on, the population trend shifted and there was a bigger need at the daycare, so Eclipse was switched to the daycare. But even with his 4 arms, he wasn’t enough for the sudden influx of children, so Sun and Moon were built as daycare attendants using Eclipse's code

they were built to fulfill their canon roles and their PizzaPlex had all the same posters and marketing, however... they didn't come out right. the bright and cheerful Sun was stoic and serious and the quiet and gentle Moon was scatterbrained and skittish. but when they work together, they make a pretty good team (when they get along, but they butt heads often since Moon is overly indulgent and Sun is a stickler for rules 😅)

the kids would definitely find Moon more fun to be around but i think Sun would have his fans too. there is a certain appeal to someone who is quietly caring, who would stand by you against the wall when it's too overwhelming to join the rest of the fun. his expression and voice may not show his feelings, but his actions show that he cares deeply for the people he is responsible for.

the situation is similar in the restaurant. Sun is the one who keeps to the kitchen the most with Eclipse as front of house and Moon occasionally going out to interact with customers. but from the kitchen, Sun will scan the customers to see what they may or may not need in their meal. one customer is dehydrated. another customer is developing a sore throat. and another customer is a few weeks pregnant. so he'll modify dishes to fit their needs or offer dishes on the house.

so while Sun believes he has no emotions and is only acting on his programming, he really does care a lot

[ginxyy]

Hate me

Hate me hate me tell me how you hate me

You breathe deeply, allowing the familiar scent of rain-soaked pavement to fill your senses as you step into the crowded venue, the pulsating rhythm of music echoing in your chest. It’s funny how music intertwines with memories, weaving stories that are sometimes too treacherous to relive. It was here, amidst the loud beats and the flickering lights, that you once danced with him – Dino. Your heart sinks at the thought, wishing it could merely float above the low hum of nostalgia.

It’s been a year since you both fell passionately into each other's arms, a whirlwind of emotions, secrets whispered under the cover of night, and promises wrapped in moonlight. Dino was the kind of guy who made you feel alive those stolen kisses during rehearsals, his laughter ringing like sweet music in your ears, and his warm embrace that melted every ounce of doubt within you. The romance thrived, almost like an intoxicating bliss, until it spiraled into chaos. The breakup was explosive, leaving both of you engulfed in the ugly aftermath of accusations and tears. You can't remember the last time you felt so utterly broken.

But here, tonight, is where it gets even more complicated. You scan the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of familiar faces, but your heart unexpectedly hitches when you catch sight of him. There he is – Dino, draped in effortless charm, his smile dazzling as he leans closely to someone else. An uneasiness twist in your stomach like a cruel joke. It's a beautiful girl, and the laughter that bounces off the walls almost feels like a slap, igniting old wounds that were never quite healed.

You swallow hard, forcing yourself to look away. The tension between your intertwined past and this heartbreaking present is palpable. You weren't even supposed to be here, but the music pulled you in, teasing and calling as if trying to erase what once was. Yet, standing amongst the crowd, in a sea of strangers, you feel completely alone.

Determined not to let the sight of him overshadow your night, you pull out your phone, letting the overwhelming tide of emotions guide your fingers. You record a simple cover of “Hate Me” by Ellie Goulding and Juice WRLD - a song that resonates with your heartbreak and confusion. It's raw, showcasing the melody of bitter love and lingering resentment, and you upload it to Instagram with trembling hands. Deep down, you know the repercussions; this isn’t just a cover, it’s a manifesto of your agony, but something compels you, a fierce desire to let him know you’re still here, still breathing and still fighting through the pain.

As the night unfolds, the aftermath of your impulsive decision envelopes you like an old, worn-out blanket. You drown in the sweet sounds of the band, but your thoughts remain anchored to him. Will he see it? You wonder, and as if the universe is listening, the next morning dawns with an unexpected notification. His name appears on your screen, and your heart races, caught somewhere between a gasp and a sigh.

“I hate you so much,” his message jabs at you, and a rush of adrenaline floods through your veins. You can practically hear the sharpness in his voice, the frustration he tries to mask with jest. But lurking behind it, you sense the weight of unspoken emotions, the tender ache that screams he still loves you in ways that are tangled and confusing.

You know the truth: “I hate you” has always had a bittersweet way of coexisting alongside love. You feel it, thick in the air, electricity buzzing whenever you encounter him. It’s maddening and beautiful; a stark reminder of your shared moments that were once so endless and vibrant. You remember his fingers brushing through your hair, the gentle way he would pull you close, as if the world outside could never touch you. They were the moments eclipsed by the darkness of your ending, but they stand in sharp contrast today a light flickering against the backdrop of remnants from your memories.

You type a response, hesitating, teetering on the edge of your emotions. “I miss you too,” you type before quickly deleting it. Instead, you send something simpler, something less vulnerable: “Doesn’t sound like you mean it.” Almost instantly, he replies, the tension crackling back to life. His messages flicker on the screen, the rhythm of banter between you both threading through past hurts and the care you can’t help but still feel. The game resumes, a dance of words laced with a haunting familiarity.

Days pass, and the music continues to play as you both navigate the complexities of your past. You run into each other at more shows, the glances speaking a myriad of unspoken words that only deepen the ache. Every laugh shared with friends sends daggers of jealousy into both your hearts. You begin to wonder if this twisted game would ever end if you could ever regain what you lost or face the music instead.

But here you are, living in the echoes of love and resentment, standing at the crossroad where every note enlivens a memory. You realize, perhaps, that the music never really left you both; it still lingers, echoing, reminding you of what once was and what could still be. In this strange, convoluted space where love and disdain collide, you know one thing for certain: your hearts are still tangled, a hot, intense romance simmering beneath the surface, waiting for the right melody to make its return. Wouldn’t you love to find that song again?

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 07/10/2024

Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth

Season 6 No Album Release (Read More)

Ripped by adumb

A little over a month ago, fans of the Ace Attorney franchise were given a very special treat in the form of the Ace Attorney Investigations Collection - in many ways, the last piece in putting the series' whole legacy up for sale on modern platforms. Yet, as many diehard Ace Attorney fans will tell you, this last piece in particular felt more notable than the rest due to the inclusion of one game: Ace Attorney Investigations 2: Prosecutor's Gambit. For 13 long years, this core piece of the franchise built up an air of mystery around it due to being kept exclusive to Japan, only playable internationally through the excellent - yet still unofficial - fan translation. Ace Attorney is a franchise most are aware of, and many have played: yet to be as deep in the sauce to where you're able to champion this untranslated, sequel-to-a-spinoff, six-entries-deep release, takes a true fan. Rest assured, ripper adumb is one of us, and Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth is a damn cool way to champion a game long overdue for the limelight.

It would of course be silly to act as if this rip, six Seasons deep into the channel, was the first time the Ace Attorney franchise was ever shown love on SiIvaGunner. On this very blog I've covered Neo Castelia from Season 3, one of dozens of rips using the beloved Turnabout Sisters theme from the first game, and I was also delightfully surprised last year with the release of Brothers ~ The finale is afoot!, paying tribute to yet another more forgotten part of the series' legacy. But as these two rips alone show, there can be a pretty stark difference in how the franchise's music is used, and the emotional response it garners. Put simply, I feel as if the first game in the franchise, its music included, has become iconic in a way that basically eclipses the entire rest of the series. Be it Phoenix Wright's "OBJECTION!", the Pursuit theme playing right as a witness is about to crack, the aforementioned Turnabout Sisters theme, everything to do with Miles Edgeworth... So much of the series' public perception will always hinge on the love shared for that first entry in particular. That is, of course, because Ace Attorney is a serialized, narrative-driven franchise where everyone is meant to start with the first game; but as a result, its as if each subsequent game in the series then gets less and less love. Compare this to game series like Super Mario or Sonic the Hedgehog, which always draw in loads of game-specific fans per each entry due to their standalone nature, and thus on SiIvaGunner draw in lots of love through rips like World's Smallest Galaxy, Top G Alert!, You Give Me Color Power, and so on.

What I'm getting at here isn't that SonicHeroesFan1 is some sort of fake Ace Attorney fan due to Neo Castelia's use of music from that first game, but moreso that.... when you get a rip like Brothers ~ The finale is afoot!, or indeed Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth, you pretty much KNOW that it could only have come from someone who cares very deeply about the franchise. And indeed, through adumb's six years of contributing to the franchise, with over 200 rips under his name, a not-insignificant amount of over 10% of those are made specifically in tribute to Ace Attorney. The franchise is already known for its stellar music, yet to leverage it is a different ball game entirely, and one adumb is hardly a stranger to: rips like Tricks Opnalysis, Phoenix Wright defends Mario on charges of Assault amidst others are fantastic, yet few feel as much like a full-on loveletter to the degree that Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth does. Part of that, of course, is that like any Friday Night Funkin' rip on the channel, like Satin PantE's and Satinpanties Symphony covered on here beforehand, the rip basically necessitates going above and beyond with visuals to match the rip. As no separate artist is credited, I'm left to assume that adumb himself did the artwork for the FNF-ified Miles Edgeworth, Verity Gavèlle, and Kay Faraday: and as you can tell just by a glance, they're all fantasitc, in part Gavèlle's cape flowing in the wind. Looking beyond that flourish, though, you'll find a rip that does just what Funkin's rips do best, rearrange a music piece of the ripper's choice into the style of the game's iconic beeps and bahs.

The FNF sound will never be everyone's cup of tea, but it to me has always felt like a really fun way to adapt the wholly-unique soundscape born from the deepest pits of the internet: YTPMVs. The soundscape of YouTube Poop Music Video, born and fostered on the internet by hobbyists, and celebrated internationally on platforms like NicoNico through MADs, feel like they're part of a beating core at the internet's heart, and are still celebrated on SiIvaGunner through rips like The Streamer, Mr. PACs ~ Obamjo-Roomnie, LAST YTPMV​^​2 OF 2016, and pretty much the entire "The SiIvaGunner YTPMV Collab (Eek​!​)​.​veg" album. Sure, in FNF, the memetic sample usage or chaotic visuals are no longer there, yet Kawai Sprite has a way of making the game's music still sound appropriately.... "freaky", never letting the streamlining of this weird part of internet culture get too much in the way of properly representing that online weirdness. As a result of this balancing act, a rip like Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth both ends up sounding like a really out-there YTPMV effort using a bunch of bizarre sounds, whilst also sounding *distinctly* like Friday Night Funkin' itself only could.

A big part of that triad in balance comes down to how adumb arranged the rip, of course: keeping a really steady balance between preserving the progression and elements from the original M.I.L.F. whilst implementing the melody of Ace Attorney Investigations 2's legendary Pursuit ~ Uncover the Truth theme. That implementation isn't done solely by changing the leads to M.I.L.F.: While its thumping backing track remains in the mix, its supplemented by sounds taken directly from the Ace Attorney track, be it shredding guitars, the string-led melody, or the dramatic bell rings that just ooze an aura of authority only found in a true courtroom battle. They sound just deep into the mix enough, playing beneath the actual Friday Night Funkin' battle in focus, to where they don't outshine the actual FNF rearranging done: rather, its like a bit of Ace Attorney seasoning added on top of what would otherwise be a standard melodyswap, putting this closer in line with an outright mashup whilst not outright calling attention to said nature. Its a distinctly different way of making FNF rips compared to something like the aforementioned Satinpanties Symphony, one you could hear being implemented in some way back on Epic Rap Battles of History: Funny vs. Funnier, yet feel far more...*realized* here. A perfect balance of the two tracks is found and it leads to the whole thing simply sounding leagues more dramatic.

Of course, that's partially just because Pursuit ~ Uncover the Truth is a legendary theme in of itself - a grandiose aura of authority and grandstanding, led by strings and hope, a theme so perfectly befitting of Miles Edgeworth doing its thing. And yeah - as a substitute for M.I.L.F., it gives a similar sort of climactic feel to it all. Friday Night Funkin's signature character back-and-fourth is a perfect fit for Ace Attorney's battle-of-the-minds setup, and with everything from the aforementioned elements taken from the original Investigations 2 theme to the drop of two voicelines from the game right at the end of the bridge is just the absolute cherry on top.

Through every corner and side of Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth, you can tell that it's an absolute labor of love. It's not necessarily the biggest, most ambitious, months-in-the-making project on the channel, nor even likely the work adumb would be most proud of the way a rip like Staff Roll (SM64) Fusion was for its ripper: But its one you can tell came from someone who loves what they do, and who loves the source material they're working with to a degree not a lot of other fans do. Ace Attorney is, again, a franchise where each game is nestled behind layers of other games to have played beforehand, with Investigations 2 in particular stuck even further behind a region-locked release, which was still not officially translated back when the rip was made. Yet adumb believed Prosecutor's Gambit was an entry worth celebrating and pulled out all the stops to make it happen; and in the end, Week 4 ~ Wanting to Funk the Truth wound up being a damn good banger because of it.

[numbuhinfinitys]

「A Guide of Understanding Reyna's Character」

"So, this has been bugging me for a while now, and it is about the mischaracterization of Reyna"

"So I made a small guide, so please read it carefully, image text AND typed text"

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. . .

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

"Reyna may be kind, but that doesn't mean she's happy"

"When I was building her character, I went for her personality being a cold, but calm character with an underlying anger that she hates, she represses her anger and sadness through the happiness of her friends"

"She is serious about IMPORTANT stuff, like missions, transmissions, etc. but sometimes she can't help but be a LITTLE silly with her friends, she adjusts herself with who she's hanging with"

"Just because her anger is repressed, doesn't mean it's not there. Her anger is difficult for some to make it show on her, it rarely shows and only comes up when it's about something she either regrets or is insecure about"

"Reyna cares DEEPLY about her friends, family, fellow operatives, etc. she doesn't wants to lose them EVER, she may not say or show it a lot but she truly cares"

"Here's sort of a 'chart' I made for fanon and canon Reyna"

"As you can see, fanon Reyna likes chaos, while her ACTUAL canon characterization is that she ONLY tolerates chaos as a form to somehow subdue her anger"

"As for why she's like this is because doesn't want to let her anger out on her loved ones, being scared what she might do to them if her anger gets the best of her, so she closes herself off from letting any negative emotion out, but sometimes failing to do so"

"She's scared of herself"

"Now for Eclipse and Reyna's true form. As you can see Eclipse is on the right and Reyna's true form on the left"

"Her true form is more bigger and has more 'abnormal' features"

"Eclipse on the other hand is a silhouette suit, BUT also some sort of ghost only Reyna can see through her necklace"

[I am going to make a proper reference sheets for the both of them]

"As for Reyna's amulet, this is how it actually looks like, BUT IT STILLS STAYS IN HER DISGUISED INFINITY SYMBOL FORM!"

"On the left we have her amulet how it looks like BEFORE Operation Z.E.R.O, it being drained from it's 'symbol' when the GKND wiped Reyna's memories, every ancestor has a specific symbol they have sort of magically 'engraved' in theirs"

"On the right is her amulet AFTER Operation Z.E.R.O, being fully recomissioned alongside her memories, it has star symbol 'engraved' into it, keeping herself fully in balance"

"In her Teens, she DOES revert her infinity symbol back to her amulet!"

"And that was it mostly, I hope that some people now have a better understanding of Reyna and her characteristics :]"

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

[ikamigami]

I wonder, how many times is that now that Earth has repeated that same thing in regards to New Moon? That she didn't disown him, that she was deeply hurt but still would've helped him, that their relationship would've changed but was still there, that things changed when he tried to kill her and said to her face he doesn't care about her, and that even after that she still loves him but is so conflicted? How many times now, because I think we all know why

Yeah.. this is so sad to see..

Earth still cares about Moon.. but it's so hard for her rn understandably..

How people can't see that what Moon told Earth hurt her deeply? That it wasn't just mean.. cause she felt that she could confide in him..

And such betrayal hurts.. it hurts cause they were close.. I can't even imagine how Earth felt then..

I know how it is to be betrayed.. but I was only betrayed by a friend, my close friend but still.. that's not the same.. cause New Moon was Earth's brother.. she helped him a lot and he helped her a lot as well..

(I'm crying writing this QwQ this episode made me emotional)

I'm glad that Old Moon.. now just Moon :) is trying his best ^^

That he listened to Earth and also told her how he thinks that it wasn't good that he told New Moon that he needs to sacrifice himself for his family for their happiness.. but it's good that Moon explained that more.. and it made that even more sad.. it wasn't exactly his fault :(

Maybe it wasn't a good idea for New Moon to go to talk with Moon..

But that happened..

You know what I want to see?

I want New Moon to snap out of this state when Sun will die.. but I want for Moon to be the one to help New Moon.. idk.. I just.. I'm starting to think that maybe.. maybe Moon won't beat up New Moon's ass.. but maybe he'll be able to reach to him.. because he'd understand him.. because who could've understand Moon better than other Moon.. :)

Even though I wasn't happy at first that OG Moon returned.. but I'm starting to see that as opportunity for things to get better.. idk but I think that seeing Moon trying to be better.. to understand what he did wrong and that he needs to do better.. and that he wants to try.. he wants to because he loves his family ^^ but seeing that gives me hope..

For the first time.. I'm feeling genuine hope while watching this show.. weird, isn't it? :)

Yeah, I know that Sun will most definitely die.. but we all know that he'll be back.. but I think that things will get better.. truly.. this time things are different ^^

Also I'm glad that even if Moon still dislike Eclipse.. he doesn't mind Earth hanging with him cause he didn't hurt her ^^

[alpydk]

Eclipse (Part 8) - "Speak With Dead."

I just want to post part 9 before I move next week, Still expected Tue/Wed depending on the internet here...

Thanks to everyone reading <3

I will be but an illusion. The words rang out to him, and he wished for a moment that Elminster could access the tadpole that wished to share. Words he didn’t remember ever speaking, but with them a deep emotion long since buried stirred in him. A gentle arm wrapped around him, shadows of a time never passed, and Gale considered speaking for a moment before he looked over to see Elminster preparing to leave, another demand sent from their former lover.

Ao3 Link

“As you embark upon your journey to reunite with Gale, may the winds of fortune guide your steps, and the wisdom of ages illuminate your way.”

Elminster had genuinely meant the words he’d said as he had left Tav’s home. He was thankful for the outcome, especially as he thought of the day when he had been there ten years ago. Seeing Gale’s face in the glass of the crystal ball had given Elminster a deep sense of relief and though he had instantly wanted to leave to find Gale, he had held back; instead, watching over the young wizard’s condition and how the orb worked. Mystra may not have been willing to aid in Gale’s situation, but Elminster was not so pessimistic when it came to the lives of mortals.

The Shadowlands were as bleak as ever as he stood watching the ethereal tendrils rise from the vines that stretched out before him. He had tracked Gale’s movements and knew in a few short while the party would arrive, their journey now entering one of the most perilous stages they would face.

“Elminster?” Gale’s voice spoke out to him.

Elminster felt as his heart rate quickened. Despite the centuries of adventure, near-death experiences, and even conversations with the gods, hearing the voice of his old mentee brought a sense of nervousness to him. He worried that if he looked to the voice, then maybe the spell would be broken, and his friend would be lost to him again. He breathed deeply before turning around. “Gale, m’boy. It has been some time…”

As much as he wanted to hug his friend, he gripped hold of his emotions, time having aided well in the need for concentration. He stood by as they prepared a small camp where they could discuss matters further with little worry about the darkness of the surrounding lands, and he made up lies of being hungry and weary after travelling, knowing that after this day it would be unlikely that he would see Gale again. For now, all Elminster wished for was to spend some time with the young man whom he had practically raised from a boy.

---

“We have indulged your need for food and rest, Elminster. What brings you all the way out here?” Gale spoke in an impatient tone. He had heard nothing from Mystra nor Elminster in the year since the incident with the orb, despite his prayers or messages sent, and now to see his former mentor standing so freely in front of him gave him almost an anger at the fact that he had been ignored for so long.

“You know why Gale. She sent me. You know of whom I speak.”

After all this time, Gale had to hold back from shouting, remembering who it was he was facing. Elminster had never wronged him and now would come with the answers he sought. “Then we must speak alone, away from prying ears, for there is much to discuss.” He gestured to a small area near the camp; silence spells set up and lights protecting them from the curse that burdened each one of them.

“I stand before you bearing tidings of the orb, a matter of great import from the realm of Mystra herself. She knows of your strife with the Absolute, the most insidious of evils, and has sent me here to charge you, Gale, with its destruction.” He spoke with a grave tone conveying his meaning without speaking the words; that the orb was to be the catalyst for their end.

So much time had passed between them both and Gale could not help but be disappointed at the outcome. This was not a matter of forgiveness for his failings, but an ultimatum for continuing to live after acting so recklessly. He understood why Mystra would not aid him in this time; he simply did not deserve to live. The guilt ate away at him like that of the orb and, as Elminster explained the stabilisation of the device; it brought him little comfort.

I will be but an illusion. The words rang out to him, and he wished for a moment that Elminster could access the tadpole that wished to share. Words he didn’t remember ever speaking, but with them a deep emotion long since buried stirred in him. A gentle arm wrapped around him, shadows of a time never passed, and Gale considered speaking for a moment before he looked over to see Elminster preparing to leave, another demand sent from their former lover.

---

Elminster looked over at Gale, resisting placing the comforting palm on his back. “It brings me no pleasure saying this, my friend, but such is Mystra’s will.” He thought over the words that she had given him and bit his tongue at the venom that rose in his throat. Just deal with the problem. It was one thing to make these kinds of commands, but a completely different matter to carry them out and for a moment he considered just giving Gale the truth; of all that had occurred the last ten years of Tav, Lúthien, and Gale’s demise.

He watched as Gale nodded and then seemed lost in thought, the dark eyes closing in acceptance of the magic bestowed upon him, and Elminster longed to say more, to spend more time with his friend and speak as they had so many years before. He heard the ever-present whispers of Mystra calling to him, another potential in need of guiding, another catastrophe to be averted at her bidding, and so he gave his farewell, not knowing if he would ever see Gale alive again.

---

Gale had wanted to ask so many questions before Elminster had vanished as quickly as he had arrived, his reasoning being that he had Mystra’s duties to carry out. The young wizard had wanted to ask of his memories, of the year in his tower that now stretched out into nothingness in front of him, of Mystra’s symbol that seemed to have changed without his recollection. Be a moon unto yourself. Words spoken not as Elminster left but under stars; emotions mixed between elation and anticipation, and the knowledge that something close would soon be lost.

Even with the orb stabilised, the thoughts in his mind fractured as if he were losing pieces of himself each day and he truly started to believe that the stress was tearing him apart, that he was going mad and soon would be but a shadow of the man he once was. Astarion’s arm around him very nearly broke him in that moment, as he faced an uncertain future, seeing nothing but his own death lying ahead of him, and also in the distant past.

---

You watched as Elminster spoke with him, as the orb was calmed, and a glimmer of relief passed across Gale’s face before again descending into darkness; the gloominess of the surroundings draining on all your hearts. You wondered why neither had spoken of you, why Elminster especially had only talked of the orb and Mystra’s will. The rage that had overcome you was immense as he explained Gale’s fate to him, of the sacrifice that was due to be made and you had to bite your tongue from shouting the sending messages at Elminster for his betrayal to you; for him to utter the words of hope at your reunion, only to then swiftly dash them. Your spells instead would be saved for Gale, to provide him comfort in this time; something Mystra had never and would never give to either of you.

Gale looked so abandoned as Elminster left and you uttered the spell, only to watch as Astarion approached slowly before placing his arm around his friend in solace. You wished it could be you instead, holding your love closely just as you used you. You remembered a time when you were both younger, shortly before Gale had left to be with Mystra, when he had confided his worries to you. He believed he would fail, that even with his natural abilities and talents with the Weave, he still was not good enough. He felt all he could provide Mystra was an act, an illusion of the man he wanted to be for her, and you had watched as the confident mask had cracked momentarily. Holding him had been the only solution you could provide after so many years of preparation for the moment of his departure. There was no turning back for Gale after he had been claimed as her chosen; there was only what she commanded.

As he retired to his tent alone, you watched him as he wrapped himself in his tattered purple robe, trying to find some comfort against the torments of the night. If you had been there, you would have placed an arm around him, whispering words of love; words that you knew could do little other than show that he wasn’t alone. You spoke your first sending spell tentatively, afraid of what the response would be if anything.

“Gale, it’s Tav. I saw what happened and I’m sorry. I didn’t know her plan at all. How she would take you from me.”

He stirred and wrapped the blanket tighter around him and you thought for a moment that he was going to ignore your words; that all you were doing was creating further pain for him in this difficult time.

“Am I going insane? Are you the tadpole devouring my mind? Who are you to say you love me so?”

Your heart broke hearing his voice in this way. He sounded so fragile, and you worried that speaking the next words would only cause more harm, but you only wanted to give him hope, you wanted to help him in a way his friends close by could not. It was a hasty decision, but you wondered if it would work, if fate would be on your side, if Mystra would even allow it.

“I’m real. I’m in Waterdeep. Will go to Baldur’s Gate. I wish you could remember me. We were due to be married. I love you.”

Minutes passed as you watched him, as he closed his eyes, turning away from where your invisible sensor lay. You whispered to yourself out loud, wanting him to turn back to you. “Please Gale… speak to me.”

“Baldur’s Gate. I will aspire to meet you there. You are the shadow of my recent memories, are you not? Under the stars? The library?”

Your heart pounded as you heard the words, the memories you had clung onto in recent days. He remembered you, at least in some small way, even if not completely, and he would try to meet you in person. Maybe on seeing your face, it would all come back to him. Everything would be like the fairy tales you read when you were young; love at first sight, and a reunion so spectacular that the world would disappear around you. Sleep drew you ever closer, but you watched over him as he lay restless in his tent for hours to come. The events of the day weighing heavily on both your hearts.

---

Be a moon unto yourself. She believed he spouted such nonsense; words to sway the minds of mortals from their fates, hope that there was little point in providing. Mystra gazed over the moonlit skies above the happy couple and her loyal chosen, sighing at the sight that lay before her.

“We will be wed in the Winter, should Mystra allow it.” Gale’s naïve optimism shone through, and she rolled her eyes in contempt of his actions. To be wed would certainly not happen whilst he was under her, at least not until he was on his way to serving her as Elminster did. Possibly the two young lovers could be married in a few mortal years, providing the young girl survived or even accepted the idea of the relationship once she came to realise that Gale would outlive her considerably.

Elminster had approved of their choice and congratulated them before taking Gale’s hand and leading him away; the moment of their departure having now arrived. Mystra would wait for them before claiming Gale as her own, before making the bright-eyed woman beside him seem like nothing but an illusion when compared to the goddess and the love that only an immortal could provide. Fate was not something which could be broken or bent; it was nothing but the whims of the gods and the games that they played for amusement. Elminster’s words were nothing but the lies he told to lessen the ache of her delivered orders.

[castiels-trenchcoat1234]

The more i think about the SPN finale the more i think about Orpheus and Eurydice, and Destiel is a lot like their story in a sense. Two lovers, separated by death and one makes a deal with a higher being to try and rescue/bring back the other, but there's a catch and something goes wrong and they end up separated again

When has that NOT been their dynamic?!

Look at him, this sad depressed sad man, this is directly after Castiel got booted to superhell or like absorbed into the goo. Which honestly I know this post is about Orpheus and Eurydice parallels, I just remembered when Dick or whoever the fuck told Dean that his future was covered in black ooze, that black ooze was definitely the Empty imo, idgas if it was said on the edge of the Leviathan arc. That line was directed at the love confession scene IMO

Anyway...I can't find the exact clip but I actually don't think they follow the story in complete parallel instead I think it's switched or like upside down. Where, at least in this example, the one that dies was the one that made the deal with a higher being. And the one alive is the one that stays and waits to be rescued or beg for their lover back.

They're relationship is complex and that's what I love about it, This relationship is real-er and deeply emotional, Cass is family and a good friend and he saved Dean's life more than once. They've learned things from each other and bonded over the human condition. It's probably deeper than anything dean has ever had (even with Benny). And it's because they come back to each other even when if it would be better for them to stay apart or they're separated by death or a couple state boarders. They come back. And when they don't the one that stayed alive searches for a way to bring them back, or gives up all hope and tries to join them through suicide or suicide missions, because living without the other is worse than death yknow. And honestly I wish i could relate lol.

Having a Greek mythology/mythology in general Hyperfixation that eclipses my Supernatural Hyperfixation is actually going to kill me.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Hey, do you feel their a double standard between the old moon and the original eclipse ? People will defend original eclipse actions like he was alone. Nobody gave him a chance, BUT when you bring up old moon and some good he did or say he was hurt too they be no old moon was terrible and irredeemable don't get me wrong I do consider them similar they both have s connection to the killcode and they did hurt people but I feel one get criticized harder than the other

Yeah, no I completely agree with you.

Old Moon wasn't as terrible as people made him out to be.

Yes, he was an abuser and toxically codependent with Sun. To the point he even told Sun he's not allowed to feel any emotions other then happiness or he won't be happy.

But the love was Damn there. Old Moon sacrificed everything he could to keep his family safe. Which carried over to the new Moon spectacularly.

NewMoon is very hard on his old self. Because he didn't like how he treated Sun. OldMoon tortured and tormented Sun until they separated and decided to become brothers.

Evil!Sun even said that Moon and Sun becoming brothers in that outcome is rare across dimensions. One or the other kills each other, or Moon dies early.

OldMoon also because of his trauma he sympathized more with villians, which is why Eclipse got to the position where Sun destroyed Moon's manna pool that lead to his death in the first place. Oldmoon feeling compassion for Lunar who took him in as a brother without Sun's permission. OldMoon who couldn't kill KC once he showed signs of change. OldMoon who took the deal with Eclipse.

OldMoon took on so many responsibilities on himself, because he saw himself as the Protector of "Sun's innocence" and his One singular family member was all he had back then. So of course he'd be protective and he even said that Sun was the only good thing in his life.

(Kinda reminds me how Solar sees his own Sun.)

But now... NewMoon has many family. Earth actually helped raise Moon in a sense, cause as far as NewMoon is concerned, his sister has been here since the start. And Sun was greiving and mourning, so Earth Stepped up and showed Moon how to become a compassionate person, even before Sun told him to watch the videos on their channel. I don't doubt she was an extremely positive influence as he developed into his own person.

NewMoon does carry the traits of the old Moon, caring deeply about his family, but he's FAR LESS codependent then he was. He now has different trauma of building up his old self, and villians in his head as more then how they are. He's just scared of becoming something he doesn't want. Or going back to the old bad habits he did have. Which is why he veers so hard in the other direction.

OldMoon sympathized with Villains? Well, now NewMoon won't give them a chance (Although I think that changed when he saw how pointless and pathetic Eclipse is)

NewMoon even attempted to hug and comfort Sun very early in his life. Which Sun pushed away, or flinched inwards at, because he wasn't used to affection from Moon. Even Now, NewMoon is sad that he doesn't get a lot of hugs.

OldMoon did have his good points, but his bad points too.

I actually do like to think OldMoon is watching Sun through NewMoon's eyes. Happy of the brother he can finally be now.

[goodolddumbbanana]

Okay, listen to me. What if Sun is the ultimate mastermind? I'll call it Prank-gone-wrongs-AU.

Sun, while trapped in the Ruin dimension, was infected with a virus. But unlike Ruin, it is a milder variant, it makes the subject's emotions become emotionless, unstable but still retains reason. And in Sun's case, it caused him to become more lethargic and impulsive, like soulless!Sam Winchester in Supernatural, but it was in a kind of unconscious way.

So Au begins within a few days of Moon's disappearance. Sun doesn't deal with being alone very well, he goes from cheating while playing games with Earth, to Earth being traumatized while learning to drive. And as time went on, Sun became more and more bored and became more and more unstable in his thinking. And then Earth gets hurt and Bloodmoon returns and Moon grows closer to Solar, making Sun think maybe he should pull some pranks, on everyone, Monty style.

But here's the thing, Monty's pranks and Ruin!viruses don't get along. And when the two are mixed, it gives something very wrong.

Sun is not as intelligent as Moon, but the virus has made Sun's AI more logically advanced. (That poor boy was traumatized by Old Moon, Eclipse for months and years, and numbed himself to move on. The result of that led to severe brain damage, poor memory, and low self-esteem. short, foggy-minded, incapable of solving situations that require critical thinking. Because if we continually erase what we want to forget, or bury it or hide it deeply, the wound will never heal and we will forever be stuck in that position.)

Sun, one fine day, he asked the Computer if it was possible to rebuild Eclipse, as a joke when he was drunk. And the computer said yes, as long as there are Eclipse blueprints. And the drunk story becomes even more fascinating, leading Sun to go through the portal and meet British Monty. And remember, Sun's brain at this time is only 10% Sun's, and all control has shifted to alcohol and viruses. And when Sun doesn't restrain himself, Sun is often much ruder. And maybe more dramatic.

So maybe Sun did fuck with Monty a little bit. Sun is not clearly aware that this is Solar's dimension, Sun only knows that it belongs to an extremely evil Eclipse, according to Monty.

So while drunk and angry after hearing Monty's story and going home, Sun unconsciously used magic to knock Solar out. (In fact, he was too drunk and didn't realize Solar was blocking the way.)

And while drunk, Sun himself used magic to revive Eclipse, as a lingering trace of guilt towards the person who could have been his brother. That resulted in Eclipse becoming more stupid, and that's why Eclipse was revived at Sun's house. Because magic needs to be close to the source.

Of course, Sun didn't remember anything or maybe tried to ignore it when he woke up. This is when the prank begins.

Sun relied on Computer and made them promise not to tell anyone. Sun then pulled Moon to a similar dimension and pretended to be Evil Sun.

That's the twist. There never really was an EvilSun, it was always Sun, just pretending to prank Moon. And maybe during that time, some of Sun's hidden hateful words broke out, but, the prank was a great success.

But that's the problem, Sun doesn't know how to end it. Some words were said that shouldn't have been said, and it felt awkward to tell the truth now, especially when Moon looked so sad. So, like the good actor that Sun is, he pretended to be mysterious and moved Moon back to his original place.

Everything should have stopped there. But then, Sun was turned into a dragon. And in revenge, Sun officially revived Eclipse, using his subconscious magic, while he was drunk.

Sun couldn't tell Moon the truth, especially since he just had a kind new brother who wouldn't scream at him for his mistakes, so Sun played along with the script.

Sun refrained from participating in the action as much as possible, appearing clueless as usual, while praying that no one knew anything about what he was doing.

But there is a problem, SUn's magic is not compatible with Star power. Although Sun was fortunate to have Golden Freddy's memories to help hide his identity from the zodiac constellations, it still emitted a large amount of anti-dark matter, causing Sun to continuously expel it with this way or another.

That's why Sun created the Eclipse .2, that's why Evil Sun appeared again, asking Moon to build the machine for him.

To stop the storm while preventing people from blaming themselves.

Eh... that's it for now.

[skitskatdacat63]

oc ramble:

Noir is so funny to me bcs she's like genuinely a terrible person who's done terrible things, but is also surprisingly well adjusted in many other ways. So much so that she's basically "reformed" two other ocs into being better people, people who are at least now more comfortable with life and themselves, simply by virtue of having the capacity to show love and care comfortably and openly. Her dichotomy is just funny like, goes from being feral at the chance of ripping someone's throat out and getting bloody, and the next second being like, omg I can't believe how little care you have for yourself, let me bathe and feed you!!

I guess its bcs she grew up with a loving family(a rare thing among my ocs) and she's fucked up just because she's fucked up, not because her environment, y'know? So like, yes, she commits unspeakable acts of violence. But she's also so caring and so genuinely loving in a way that comforts people. Rüß is only the way she is now because Noir kept pestering her all the time and broke down her walls and made her into the person she always should've been. And uhhhh her relationship w Eclipse is fucked, but also the way she shows love unabashedly and wholeheartedly leads to such trust between them, despite past grievances. I just think it's interesting. Such an open, loving person alongside others with such severe trust issues and emotional detachment. And someone who actually cares about taking care of herself. Maybe it's not a great thing to feel zero shame and regret about your actions. But would that not be an admirable thing to someone who feels shame about everything?

I think if you were only acquaintances(*not from work tho lmfao, very important to note), you'd probably find her to be very normal and admirable. Like, wow, now here's a women who has her shit together. And then people who truly know her are like uhhhhhhh. But then again, even people who know both sides to her find it hard to reconcile these parts of her that seem at odds. She's all wolf-like and feral and covered in blood, and then goes home and does her skin care routine and cooks herself a three course gourmet meal.

Her and Eclipse is just such an interesting dynamic in this way particularly. Person who probably rightfully should feel shame/regret about things she's done, but doesn't, and rather feels comfortable and at peace with herself vs. Person who feels undeserved incredible shame/regret about about everything since birth, who then goes to do terrible things as well bcs its all pointless, isn't it? Neither of them are correct or healthy people but again, someone who is comfortable with themselves would be incredibly admirable to a person who just can't do the same. And in that way, begins to feel more comfortable themselves bcs they know the other is never going to judge them and loves them wholeheartedly.

Lmfao I know this won't make any sense to anyone other than me but!! Wanted to ramble bcs im thinking very deeply about this recently.

[crediblebombthreat]

Emesis Blue Review (Spoiler Free)

Finished it a few nights ago instead of sleeping.

I've been watching Source Filmmaker animations for a very very very long time now. I enjoy their variety. Narrative-driven short films have been a staple of SFM animation for a long time now. As are ones where the medic's face has three polygons, and he says some garbled mixture of voicelines that makes the demoman scream and explode. I enjoy both types -- in different ways.

There's something charming and human about a good SFM animation! At all skill levels, there's always something that cues you in to the personality of the person (or people) who made it. SFM has a certain "digital spirit" that you don't really see anymore. An open-source tool that invites creativity, playfulness, and collaboration. In that way, it's the closest thing we'll ever get to Team Fortress 3.

Emesis Blue -- underneath all of the horrors, terrors, viscera, and such -- is deeply informed by this digital spirit. It makes a point to be fun. It's very earnest. It's fanfiction. Everything it does, it does unflinchingly. The utter lack of apprehension towards what's considered cringe or gauche can be off-putting![1] But it's attached to such undeniable skill and craftsmanship (craftsmannship?) that even the most self-conscious and critical people should be able to get over it without much trouble.

There are plenty of valid complaints, of course. Are there parts of the screenplay that feel a bit off? Sure. Is the voice acting perfect? No. Could the camera have held a few shots for just a little bit longer? Oh yeah. Did Blutrarch and Redmond's models make me want to punch my computer monitor? Absolutely. But all of these are eclipsed in totality by the cinematography.

Some of Emesis's shots are unlike anything I've seen in an SFM before. Beautiful, striking, stunning. My heart almost crawled out of my mouth when I realized that there are people in the fandom born after 2005 -- and that this might be the first time they've seen competent lighting, framing, and shot direction. Of course, this is in comparison to more contemporary movie making. Emesis frequently gestures[2] towards classic avant-garde horror masterpieces, and, despite how presumptuous that may be, pull it off almost every time.

There's a whole lot to like, and if you're one of the three people who haven't seen it yet, I really encourage you to check it out -- even if you're not into TF2 (which you will be, very soon).

[1] If you're not a regular tumblr user, anyway. Everyone here lives for the cringe and the gauche.

[2] The gesture is more of a beckon than a point, mind. Fortress Films actually understand what made these movies look good.

Spoilers Below

When medic peeled back the medicine label and it was a secret medicine that was different I laughed out loud. Same thing with the spy turning into jerky. That shit had my dying. The scene where soldier shot Blutrarch was shot well, but I couldn't get over how goofy the soldier looked.

I greatly appreciated how they never bothered to explain who the plague doctor was, or what was in the suit case, or what was/wasn't real. It was ambiance. It primed you for certain emotions and sensations, and when it was no longer useful they moved on to something cooler.

Despite the narrative restraint, some shots REALLY could have used some more time. Like the medic accepting a cigarette in the elevator. Just half a second more to pause. Let it breathe.

[drelldreams]

as intriguing as jackanda is as a romantic ship i can‘t help but think of the beauty of a friendship between the two. imagine that, in mass effect 2, sometime after that fight with miranda, jack is taken to accompany shepard on miranda‘s loyalty mission. jack is given a mission briefing - rescue miranda‘s twin sister, who is in danger because her biological father wants to kidnap her from her adoptive family. at first jack thinks ‚what the fuck there‘s a TWIN of that cheerleader?‘ but she immediately has a suspicion what kind of person henry is. she doesn‘t need to know the details to know that some rich guy who hires eclipse mercs to kidnap his bio daughter back to him, is an abusive jackass. there‘s part of jack that is confused and she goes back to thinking ‚damn i should‘ve known this bitch is a sick liar‘ when the eclipse lieutenant says that miranda kidnapped a baby, the bosses little girl. but then miranda explains how they share the same dna, not the same birthday, and jack sees how emotional she gets, saying ‚i didn‘t kidnap her! i rescued her!‘ and that is when jack‘s theory of henry being abusive is confirmed.

and jack can‘t help but see miranda in a different way, seeing how hard she is fighting to keep her sister safe from her father. she is flabbergasted to see miranda showing emotions, those eyes of hers softening up, her body tensing, for the first time since jack has known her. she sees that oriana means so much to her, that even someone with an ice cold facade like miranda is losing a little bit of that composure. and then she hears miranda talk about her father, how she isn‘t the first one he made, just the first one he kept, how she was brought up with no friends, how she wasn‘t a daughter to him.. how she doesn‘t know what she was.

her line ‚i couldn‘t let my father do to oriana what he‘s done to me‘ is the final push that jack needs to actually admit to herself that on some level, she feels sorry for miranda. because that line just reminds her of her own fucked up childhood, and she knows that miranda isn‘t one to exaggerate, rather she is all stoic and unaffected by fucked up stuff. to hear her say that he‘s done something so terrible to her, that she is nearly crying to think that henry might do the same to oriana, changes jack‘s perception of miranda completely. while there‘s still a part of her that loathes her, that is deeply hurt by what miranda said to her, there‘s now a part that relates to miranda.

finally, towards the end of the mission, jack actually sees miranda crying at the sight of oriana. and jack is in disbelief that the person, the perfect cerberus queen, who tells her that she was a mistake, is the same person as the one who does everything to keep her sister safe. the one who cries just at the sight of her sister.

and that is why jack is the one to tell miranda to speak to oriana. ‚why won’t you talk to her?‘ jack asks. to which miranda replies: ‚it’s not about what is right for me, it’s about what is right for her. she has a family, a normal life. i’d just complicate that for her.‘

‚she‘s your sister‘, jack reminds her. ‚have some ladyballs and go fuckin‘ talk to her. you didn‘t go all the way to keep her safe just to remain a ghost in your life?‘

‚i guess not, but.. jack, of all people, i didn‘t expect you to suggest that i talk to my sister.‘

‚well, you‘re still a massive bitch, miranda, but maybe there‘s a part of you that isn‘t. you don‘t have to tell your sister the dirty details, you know. you can just let her know that there is someone out there who keeps her safe and fucking cares for her.‘

and that is the very beginning of their friendship.

[arjunasearth]

Moon Prayer

The more time passes, the more I feel the pain that I kept inside my body for so so long . All of the emotion has never been gone, because I never really released them. I kept them stagnant, i caged them, instead of letting them flow out as they flowed into me. It feels like I am looking at many shattered pieces of a mirror, being my heart, mind , body and soul. It shattered into many many tiny pieces and it is impossible to collect them all. I stare at it with an emptiness inside of me, feeling grief, pain and deep hurt. Just like this mirror, something broke. Something that is inexpressible with words, but stored in my heart. ‘This is not what I am’ I keep telling myself while looking at the many pieces of my heart. I see myself in pieces, in layers. I feel the multitude of myself and at the same time I feel emptiness. Is that what deep grief feels like? There comes a moment when the rage stops. The Moon is my biggest lover. My deepest Soullanguage. I spend many hours with her, looking at her, feeling her. Again and again, she teaches me that everything moves in cycles, in fluidity and vibration. Once again , she has taught me last night that solitude is tranquility, peace, my inner world. She feels everything I feel. I feel everything she feels. Together , we are moving in cycles, riding the cosmic waves. “We have always been connected through space and time, throughout so many dimensions and realms. You are never alone, no matter how deeply your grief and pain may be. I feel it all, so does the Sun. “ And I look at her, while I am standing here on Earth, while I am at my lowest, in the underworld of my soul, where my roots grow.  Where I feel my deepest darkness, she shines her clearest light, unravelling the most hidden parts of my Soul, my deepest longings, my purest form. She feels all what I am , she reflects all of the pieces of myself back into me. She knows them all. She connects them all. She holds me.

Release the pain. Release the grief. Release the hurt. We are flowing beings, fluid, vibrant, energetic, electric. We are all of it. And we are always moving on the waves of energy in motion. Are we drowning in ourselves?  It was the Moon that reminded me to feel into e~motion, it was her motherly presence that guided me, her balancing the ebbs and the floods of consciousness, as we are floating through the multidimensionality of our Cosmic Being.

I am allowing the energy within me to flow freely. All of what does not serve me anymore and cage me inside myself, I let go. I am not made to be rigid, I am fluid. I an unbound and free like a bird, my consciousness is like a bird. My soul is the Sea, the waves that carry me, the waves that are me.

~Blessed Full Moon Eclipse~~Feeling into it.

This is my prayer to the Moon, my biggest and deepest love. She is the pure flowing of my heartchannel and the radiance of my Soullight . I am deeply deeply thankful for all that she shows me and is yet to reveal, so I can recieve and release.

From my heart to yours.

Arjuna

[steveskafte]

EVIDENCE IN YOURSELF It's so hard to admit you're passionate when you're shy. Too often in this culture, we believe that those who feel most deeply are the loudest ones about it. As a kid, being an introvert wasn't exactly a choice – I was just too awkward around people to be anything else. But I remember seeing examples of heartfelt humans, most in books or on the screen, and knowing that it was something meant for me. There's an emotional connection in observing who you'd like to be, a sudden and obvious awareness despite the evidence in yourself. I remember watching movies with a strong romantic element, an intense passion depicted between a man and a woman, and feeling like it was an ideal I could live up to. Turned out much harder in practice. When I was nineteen, I had a short-lived engagement to a girl (let's call her Celia) who was just as shy as me. Truth be told, I never felt much attraction for her. But she was a good friend, and I'd spent my teenage years single – slowly wondering if my childhood dreams of romance were childish after all. It only took a few months to see how the relationship was a chore. I never got excited about spending time together, didn't feel much when I looked in her eyes, and the thrill of conversation never seemed to materialize. In short, we weren't in love. You'd think that'd be easy to recognize, but when everyone in your life seems stuck in shallow attraction or locked in monogamist apathy, who's your example for falling in love? We broke up just before Christmas 2006, a little negative present to end the year. When I was single again, I thought back to fictional romance as an example. Even if those stories were all an illusion, I chose to chase that level of intensity, or remain alone indefinitely. So I spent the next few years trying to be a more genuine version of myself, aiming to get what was inside of me out. I started writing, and bought my first camera, then began this daily journal in the fall of 2007. My main resolution was to look at myself more honestly. What did I hate most? Self-portraits, my image in the mirror. So I made it a goal that at least one of my daily photos would feature me in some way. The hardest thing to overcome was disinterest in myself. In short, I was aiming at becoming the sort of person I'd admired on the male side of imaginary relationships. Now, I don't believe for a second that people are meant for each other. But it didn't take much time to recognize Susy when she showed up. We met through my poetry online, in the early days of 2009, and quickly started messaging daily. Our first phone conversations went so long and late than we'd had less than a dozen before they eclipsed the entirety of my verbal interaction with Celia. Every time she picked up the line, it felt like that buzzing you get just after your ears pop at altitude, light-headed and suddenly focused. Susy was outgoing, extroverted, and so full of heart that it almost scared me. The next year-and-a-half seemed like a build-up to the exact kind of hope a much younger and quieter version of me has once held close. Susy landed at the Halifax airport in the summer of 2010. Everything was electric with her on that first visit, from spinning in the darkness under starlight to climbing waterfalls in the blinding sun. Even though I'd seen her in photos and brief videos, the very last step in falling for her was visual. Sight and touch meant a lot, but her voice came first. All these years later, from our wedding here on through, I still feel that heavy hiccup of being next to the one I love the most. There's no fading novelty. She's the presence I imagined, but better in every sense. Not at all what I thought, nothing that I planned, like the puzzle piece discovered sideways and upside-down – still the perfect fit once you get it all straight. It's important for you to understand that Susy is why I'm still writing now. She made me brave by believing. If one dream can come true, why not another? October 31, 2023 Avonport, Nova Scotia Year 16, Day 5833 of my daily journal.

[vashtijoy]

@composeregg tagged:

#p5#p5 meta#goro akechi#there is an inherent need to have power; to have control; because if he has control then (to himself) he is no longer the victim#it is about shido KNOWING exactly how much control he has.#he doesn't want shido dead. he wants to have control and have shido be RELIANT on him and the power that gives him#(and then from there. well. that's free game. especially with the PT interference)#thinking that he just wants shido dead is such a fundamental misread of his entire being ngl. like bruh.#it's about being in control. its about not relying on others. its about never being hurt again and being a teenager who has never had anyon#any pain. any hurt. its buried so deep so that no one else can see it and use it to hurt him again.#so deeply that it almost feels wrong to acknowledge at all because its something held so privately and not lightly shared#which is i think why some people DO ignore/miss his motivations and his actual intent#its easy to see his bloodlust and his hatred of shido and go from there. its harder to look past that into who he really is#past the anger that he uses as a weapon and a shield to hide every facet of his emotions. he doesn't have to hurt if he's angry#he doesn't have to deal with everything that's happened to him if he focuses on Having Control and fueling himself with anger#he did EVERYTHING he could to be cared about while also wanting revenge AND pushing people away because they could hurt him#he made a mask of perfection and hid his genuine self behind it while still wanting to be SEEN even though there was little opening for it#and that behavior makes people shy away from the truth. because he WANTS them to. avert your gaze from any sight of less-than-perfection#so of course its easier to look and think shidos death would be his revenge. it's a more-perfect revenge story.#its less complicated. it lets people avoid the painful truth that he doesn't WANT others to see

waves arms frantically at all of this.

There's a reading of his revenge speech which I come and go on because I'm not sure if I'm reading it or interpreting it correctly:

Akechi アイツが権力の頂点を極め、俺を必要な右腕だと認めたその時に、耳元でささやいてやるんだよ⋯ aitsu ga kenryoku no chouten o kiwame, ore o hitsuyouna migiude da to mitometa sono toki ni, mimimoto de sasayaite yaru n da yo... Once he reaches the apex of his power and acknowledges me, I'm going to whisper in his ear... Once that piece of shit has climbed to the top, once he admits he couldn't have done it without me, that's when I'll whisper in his ear...

俺が『誰なのか』をな!! ore ga "dare na no ka" o na!! I will tell him the truth of who I really am! ... and finally tell him who I am!

その時初めて⋯存在自体が『醜聞』だった俺が、ヤツを支配する⋯ヤツを超えるんだ!! sono toki hajimete... sonzai jitai ga "shuubun" datta ore ga, yatsu o shihai suru... yatsu o koeru n da!! And that's when I—an utter disgrace to the world—will rule over him. I will prevail! Then, for the first time, I, the walking scandal, will control that piece of shit! I will eclipse him!

Look at this, look at this, look at this. Look at what he's saying. First of all, that "an utter disgrace to the world/walking scandal", sonzai jitai ga "shuubun" datta, is a direct callback to his earlier line:

Akechi つまり『隠し子』さ。あの男にとって俺は、存在自体が醜聞⋯ tsumari "kakushigo" sa. ano otoko ni totte ore wa, sonzai jitai ga shuubun... So I'm his bastard child. My very existence is nothing but a scandal...

Except when he talks about the future, when he talks about what he plans to do to Shido, it's past tense, with datta. "I, whose mere existence was nothing but a scandal to him". Because what was the rest of his first sentence? ano otoko ni totte—"as far as he's concerned". "I was nothing but a publicity problem to him, but now..."

(kakushigo isn't just a "bastard child", by the way—it's literally the "hidden child" of a powerful figure, often a politician, most commonly seen in scandals. "I'm like those news stories you've heard about".)

"i will control him!"

Let's take another look at the last line:

Akechi ~その時初めて⋯存在自体が『醜聞』だった俺が、ヤツを支配する⋯ヤツを超えるんだ!! sono toki hajimete... sonzai jitai ga "shuubun" datta ore ga, yatsu o shihai suru... yatsu o koeru n da!! And that's when I—an utter disgrace to the world—will rule over him. I will prevail! Then, for the first time, I, the walking scandal, will control that piece of shit! I will eclipse him!

ALC has some pertinent definitions for 支配 shihai. Someone shihai sareta is "whipped"; they are "on a short leash". Someone shihai sarenai—"not having shihai done to them"—is "independent". A shihai suru tame no tatakai is "a struggle for dominance". And to shihai suru is "to call the shots; to take the reins". It means "to control someone"; to tame someone, or dominate them.

Are you getting the picture yet? This is a painfully ironic speech. Keeping Akechi on a short leash, telling him how and when to use his powers, or move, or breathe, or live at all, is exactly what Shido has done. It seems like what Akechi is describing here is a situation where Shido has tremendous power (he's prime minister, after all), but he can only ever use that power as Akechi allows; as Akechi dictates.

He's describing, essentially, turning the tables on Shido; reversing their positions. And this is something that can't have been part of his original plan. If this is what he's saying, this has grown out of how Shido has treated him. Akechi is the chicken coming home to roost, the leopard eating Shido's face. Because Akechi has lived in Shido's shadow all his life, and he's ready to step out of it and, as Ryuji tries to tell him with a very different meaning, be his own man.

IDK, it's all a bit Oedipal, with the son destroying the father and essentially replacing him, with the mother as the cause. And I don't think Akechi cares at all for how Japan is organised, or what the government does. He doesn't care for what Shido does with his power. He just wants him to be unable to enjoy it. And he wants him to know he owes everything he has to his abandoned son, that he lives and dies only at that son's whim.

This explanation accounts for why the plan is to make Shido prime minister, which has puzzled the fandom pretty much in perpetuity as far as I can make out: it's possible that particular bit wasn't always the plan, and has become the plan because Shido was such a dick—because Akechi resents those restraints (which, let's not forget, he chose to obey and to live with). He resents the high-handed way Shido has controlled him, and likely some of the uses to which he's been put.

It's a hilariously bad plan with manifest flaws, of course. And I really don't know if this is truly what he meant. But the irony of it fascinates me.

this guy gets it