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fanficparker · 3 years ago

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A GAME OF DIAMONDS AND HEARTS // H.O.

>> CHAPTER SIX

“They agreed with each other violently and disagreed with each other pleasurably.” - A Suitable Boy, Seth

(Frenemies to Lovers! Mob AU! ) Harrison Osterfield x Fem!OC

Word count: 2.13k words

Warning: Swearing, guns, knives.

Synopsis: After the sudden death of his uncle and the eccentric multi-millionaire mafia king Lufian Clarke, Harrison Osterfield’s almost decent life is mostly devastated especially when half of what should be rightfully his fortune is transferred to their immediate rival for reasons he doesn’t know. What’s remaining is him trying to figure out how to deal with this collaboration of two rival corporations that don’t belong together and work on the side of the woman he never knew would ever be referred to as his partner in crime while they are dragged into a mess bigger than what they were trained to handle.

<< FIVE [ MASTERLIST ] SEVEN >>

"Who let you enter my private study?"

Harrison asked, stopping with one step inside his office, fixing the watch on his wrist. His eyes focused on the uninvited guest.

"My ability to walk." A smirk played over Sandhya's lips as she flipped a page in the file she was holding, twirling the ball pen between her fingers. The base of the pen rested below her lip as she lifted her eyelid to catch a glimpse of Harrison's irritable face. And damn he indeed was irritated.

"No one comes here without my permission." He hissed, striding into the centre of the room, staring at her furtively until his gaze landed on the other parts of his office. His office was a mess. Not anywhere near how he left it. His file cabinet was open and at least twenty files were lying on the sofa and a few over his desk. There were two on Sandhya's lap as she sat with her legs crossed over each other, leaning back leisurely in one of the chairs, skimming through the papers. An empty plate and a coffee mug were also sitting on his desk. The mug wasn't even placed over a coaster. He could even see some bread crumbs scattered on the wood.

He barely managed to not lash out at her, clenching his fists. Drawing in a shallow breath, he opened his mouth in an attempt to reason with her but she was the first one to speak.

"Can you log into the system? I need to look up something." She pointed the tip of the pen at the computer placed on his desk. Her voice was far from that of requesting even if she framed it as a question.

Harrison's brows pinched, "Are you serious?!" His voice sounded so pitchy, almost resembling a train wreck about to happen.

"Yes."

That's all? His stomach rumbled with anger. She didn't even look up at him. That bland yes twisted like a snake in his gut. He was past taking orders, especially from her. So, he walked up to her, swallowing his building rage and snatched the file she was holding.

"Hey!" She squealed, trying to take it back as he pushed it over his head and out of her reach.

She rose from the chair, about to grab it when he dropped the file on the floor behind his back, scattering the papers.

"Why would you--"

"Because it's my office and those are my files! And fucking," he seethed, trying to keep his voice casual, lifting the mug from the table, "We don't eat in the study, let alone dump the scraps on the desk. Also, you didn't even use a coaster!" He groaned upon noticing the ring the liquid left on the wood before he settled the mug again on the table, only this time there was a coaster beneath it.

Her eyebrows pulled together, disbelief roaring through her head, "You are worried about the coaster--"

"The white oak---"

"The uncle was murdered in this house and the nephew is more interested in coffee stains." She squinted her eyes, shaking her head.

Harrison bit back a groan. Her words had managed to flip his stomach. He sighed keeping his conduct civil.

"As much as I am curious about Clarke's mysterious death," he spoke as calmly as he could, meeting her eyes, "We aren't even sure if he was murdered in the first place."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"I am not kidding you!" He bit back, "And anyway, get out of here. I don't like outsiders touching my stuff," he shifted his gaze to the side, hands folded across his chest.

She scoffed, almost scornfully. "Says the one who had no problem sleeping together."

Harrison's neck snapped at the words, his temper reaching new heights. Gritting his teeth, he took a step forward, looking down at her face. "If I had known it was you, I would have never--"

"Exactly!" She snapped, "You didn't know who you were sleeping with, how do I ensure you know about the people working here?"

"That's bullshit."

Sandhya exhaled, failing to reason with him. It was harder than she had expected. So, she tried the gentler way, trying to make her words sound closer to a request, "I need you to give me access to your computer." For no avail--

"What made you think I would do that? You have already seen enough." His hands dropped from his chest and she fought back the urge to roll her eyes.

The last attempt at asking and being gentle, "Look Harrison," her voice was sweeter as if she had accepted her defeat, moving to the last resort, "You have already ruined my Plan A and now I need to know about certain things to come up with a Plan B."

"You really think you're some kind of mastermind in planning? Don't you?"

"Harrison, that was my job back then--"

"Oh. I thought your job was to seduce strangers and sleep with them." He didn't hesitate but when the words finally parted his lips, he noticed the light in her eyes dimming for a brief second, the little grin on her lips fading. His heart thumped in his throat. Perhaps, he went too far.

But what he said wasn't a lie. Perhaps, it was okay. He didn't care anyway, yet his eyes moved to her neck, somewhere-anywhere, away from her face.

Those scars on her throat fell into his line of sight. Fine red lines, shallow, peeking off from her pink hoodie. He hadn't paid much attention before but she looked cute in the outfit, a way he had never expected her to look. Her expression defied the notion though, driving his brain back to the thick air that engulfed them.

Her hand came to cover her throat, gently rubbing across the marks. He swallowed. His eyes flickered back to hers and she averted her gaze to the side. Probably, that was the closest he would ever get at marking her.

He was waiting for a reply, a sharp hit back. Instead, the air between them seemed to hum quietly. Harrison had hit the mark so blatantly, Sandhya didn't even bother refuting it. And that somehow bothered him.

She tore her gaze from him, turning on her heel. He felt the urgent need to cut the silence.

"I don't support the idea of a murderer walking among us." He spoke slowly.

He heard her sigh heavily.

"Well enough," she made up her mind, walking away from him and picking up the file, he had previously dropped, "You live in your protected shell, dreaming about sunshine and rainbows while someone stabs you in your sleep," her voice was still without heat or anger, "But you know what..."

She turned to face him again, eyes hardening, "I don't want to die or lose what I have earned so, I'm going to do something about it."

"Good luck." He muttered, eyes never leaving her figure as she stormed off the room.

***

The day was heavy on Sandhya. Checking up all the records of the people Clarke had ever worked with was more time consuming than she had thought, especially considering how her initial plan of dividing the work with Harrison went amiss.

She had navigated through whatever documents he had in his room, along with Clarke's and had taken the help of Holly to get access to their server. It would have been nicer to have her in person than on a phone but she was indeed helpful, although, Sandhya hadn't found anything game-changing. There was at least a compact list of people she had her suspicions on, though.

The library was bigger than what it appeared from afar. Probably they could shoot a Jurassic Park movie in here. Or Night at the Museum or library or whatever. She had laughed at the thought. She had also walked through all three tiers of the magnificent space, analyzing the delicately carved rosewood shelves carrying books older than time. They even had some of the original manuscripts of the classics. Unbelievable.

But now she was tired. It was over six hours, she was sitting there, skimming through all the information she could get her hands on. The mob business was full of mischief. Interacting with people you should definitely keep a six feet distance from was customary .

She sighed, shutting the library computer and keeping the files aside. Untying her hair and pressing her fingers against the pulsing side of her head, she tried to relax. A gasp left her lips. She bet she saw a shadow move outside.

Her heart stopped for a moment when the lights flickered. There was definitely someone who shouldn't be here.

Slowly, carefully, she rose from her seat, ducking down the table. Then she heard it. Footsteps. She scrambled forward, keeping low, hiding behind a pillar, drawing the knife from her clothes. She waited and waited, breathing through her nose. But no one came for her. And then it hit her.

They could be here for Harrison.

She risked a peek, looking outside the library. There was still no one in sight. The alleyway seemed dark, dead; enough to accelerate her pulse. She climbed down the stairs, one foot at a time, letting her eyes wander around the hall. Stopping and hiding behind an intersected wall, she saw it: A guy in all black, twisting the knob to Harrison's room, the haft helpless in the vice of his grip. He entered inside.

Sandhya swallowed. Her throat felt dry. She only had a knife on herself right now. Protecting Harrison at all costs was a requisite. Even when he was an insufferable jerk.

He was a team.

And she hated teamwork.

She also hated jerks.

Harrison turned in his sleep, lying over the left side of his body, hugging the silk sheets that covered him. His room was pitch black, with curtains all drawn shut. He preferred sleeping in the dark and maybe that was the reason why the silver light shining over his thin eyelids discomforted him. He wasn't a heavy sleeper and little sounds managed to bother him.

He had somehow grown accustomed to the noise his clock made. His mind erratically jumped between disconnected, unwanted thoughts whenever he sensed other sounds in his proximity. Sounds that didn't match the rhythm of his clock.

Noises of shallow breathing.

Noises of out of tune footfalls.

Out of tune...

His eyes flew open, wide, fixed on the dagger that stood three feet above his chest, reflecting the minimal amount of light his window shades failed to conceal.

He tried to kick off his sheets but the dagger lunged forward swiftly like a wild animal. He squirmed, unable to move, waiting for the impact. Only that he never felt the object pierce his body. The guy groaned, his steps faltering backwards.

Harrison unspooled himself from the sheets, quickly switching on the lamp. Leaping from the bed, hands first, he landed on his toes, squatting.

Sandhya's arms were crossed around the guy's neck from the back. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she tried to push him back.

"Don't just stand there!" She cried, struggling to hold the big guy as she pulled him backwards, pressing her forearms against his throat.

Harrison shook his head, jumping forward. His heart pounded in his chest as he hit the man over his shoulder. The guy with his face blocked out with a black woollen mask, wailed, stumbling on his feet. He slammed Sandhya's back against the window, dropping both his weapon and the whimpering girl on the floor.

Harrison tried to catch him but he ran, pushing him back, storming off the door. His eyes roamed at the door and then at Sandhya. He sighed, giving out his hand. Grabbing it, she pulled herself on her feet.

"Don't say it." He mumbled, jutting his tongue out of his compressed lips.

"Told you so." She said anyway, voice so low that only he could hear, flashing him a small grin, more of a grimace, actually. His own mouth twisted but then his eye caught the sight of his window, the shades drawn away because of the rustling. His slight frown turned into a scowl.

"Watch out--" He grabbed Sandhya by her waist, pulling her down with him, capturing her body beneath his as a gunshot blasted the window of his room, crashing, shattering the glass over them.

A moment passed in silence as they tried catching up their breath.

"Are we even?" He mouthed, manoeuvring his eye line back up to her face. She was horrified, her chest rising and falling.

"We'll see..."

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…TO BE CONTINUED… // COMMENTS WILL BE APPRECIATED.

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onthewrongsideofthebed · 4 years ago

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idk if you're still taking prompts but... i want some sad shit... present day one gets a call the other is dead pls

Okay so, this is Liam died in a car crash, Noel gets the call. The little bits in between are taken from this poem.

The sun is filtering in through the translucent curtains Sara’s put up for him in the little room Noel likes to go to when he needs to be alone. It draws long patterns on the wooden floor in front of his feet and strokes his hair with gentle fingers, paints the sounds of his guitar golden; lets his soul stretch out and soak up the music and gain back some of the balance he’s lost in the past couple weeks. Old songs have been clogging up his ears, old faces smiling at him distantly in his dreams, voices trying to lead him down old roads when his hands don’t hold on tight enough to the neck of his guitar or his coffee mug, the kids, Sara. He needs to clear his head. He needs to clear his vision. At two o’ clock in the afternoon, the string on his guitar that he’s just tuned five minutes ago snaps. The sun dips from the sky for a moment. He can’t remember where he keeps his strings. Stop all the clocks Sara knocks and tells him through the door that she’s out for the day. He turns around to pick up the other guitar he keeps in here but its neck slips through his fingers when he tries to grab it. His palms leave his jeans clammy when he wipes them down his legs. And the sun in his eyes is too bright now. He leaves for the kitchen, looking for something to fill that weird, growing pit in his stomach with. On his way, he passes Sonny’s room and hears his loud kid-laughter; his hand hovers over the door handle for a moment, wondering if he should spend the next hour or so with his sons, tell them stories and make them laugh even more loudly. Sonny’s laughter sounds like Liam’s. Noel walks to the kitchen. Around him, the walls begin to look like dreams. Moving fast, then slow, even though Noel’s not changing his pace; throwing shadows, showing pictures, making him sit down at the kitchen table before he can grab a knife and a plate, some bread to make his sandwich. It’s not that his head is spinning; it’s everything around him, and he’s as still as an old church. It looks like the walls of the universe are falling down around him. There’s grey sky shining at him from the corners of the room; there’s white light raining on him from the ceiling. cut off the telephone At 3.30 his phone rings. He can still hear Sonny laughing when he picks up and hears his mother breathing. She doesn’t say she loves him when she hangs up. Noel can’t hear anyway. He throws up in the kitchen sink. Fifteen minutes of bitter retching, shaking up his sour, half-disintegrated insides, then he takes the car. His hands remember gripping the steering wheel, shifting gears, his feet know stepping on the pedals; they want to drift off the road. His eyes are measuring trees and walls and taller walls, the car on the other side of the road; they’re falling shut, fighting back open. He was my North It’s twenty minutes to the hospital he’s still in. Liam’s body. The dead body of his brother. Liam. Noel’s neck is breaking under the weight of his pounding head. He feels Liam’s hair under his fingers. His skin dragging against Noel’s palms. His sweat running down Noel’s chest instead of his own. Noel throws up what’s left in his stomach at the red light. His throat is burning violently and he tastes Liam’s tears on his tongue. He remembers he left Sonny and Donovan alone at home. His phone is in his pocket, but he doesn’t know who to call. Liam’s voice is too loud in his ears; he’s singing. Not in his young voice, but the one that’s roughened up and burning from all the alcohol and chain-smoking and everything else they’ve taken along the way. It sounds like he’s screaming. Did he scream when…? Noel’s biceps are burning from keeping the car straight. What was the last song he sang? He was going to live forever. They both were. Like Noel had promised him, again and again; kissed on his heartbeat, fucking sworn on it. And now his brother’s heart doesn’t beat anymore, no deeply sure breaths making his chest rumble around it anymore. Noel can’t feel his own heart beat. His blood is rushing into dirty silence. my South, my East and West He doesn’t know how, doesn’t comprehend why, but when he steps inside, Debbie leaves. The deep, salty furrows on her almost green shimmering face catch on the edges of his vision, but she doesn’t say anything. There’s a chair next to his brother’s bed, Debbie’s handbag still slung over the backrest. And there’s his brother’s bed. There’s his brother. Noel can see his face. And then he can’t. He’s holding Liam’s hand. Blindly. He just finds it, like he used to be able to, in utter darkness, completely lost and out of it, between thousands of other hands. He squeezes Liam’s fingers between his own. Liam used to squeeze back so hard Noel would try to drop his hand, but Liam would never let go; he’d hold on to Noel almost desperately whenever Noel touched him. Liam’s hand falls back on the bed with a dark thud, his fingers running down Noel’s palm when Noel’s muscles go lax. Noel still can’t see, but his fingers find Liam’s mouth and they won’t stop touching and rubbing, pressing down and sliding over the edges, the thick flesh, and not daring to push inside anymore. He hasn’t even in so long. He hasn’t...hasn’t even fucking seen him in so, so long. And Liam used to be the first and the last thing he saw every day, and he was the first thing that Liam saw, ever, and he thought Liam would be the last thing he’d ever see if after all they’d find that living forever wouldn’t work out the way they’d thought. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one His brother’s eyes are closed against the shrill neon light and Noel’s sight is returning and he wishes blindness back over him. His eyes let breath run through Liam’s nose, let little nerves make his eyelids flutter and his cheeks crinkle up in a slow smile until he sees the coldness under Liam’s skin that won’t ever let his face move again, and his mind jumps forward to earth eating away at Liam’s flesh and dark wood closing over him and shutting him away from the air and his family and the sunshine and everything else that he loved. Noel is so alone. Hollow, everything inside of him is gone. He doesn’t know how to cry. Liam used to cry for him, far, far back when Noel’s face was all beaten up and his arm wouldn’t move the way it was supposed to; later, when Noel couldn’t find a way to give him what he wanted and nothing made sense anymore; and then, when Noel wouldn’t take his tears anymore, he’d still give them to him, never let Noel’s feelings freeze into unmoving, dark statues. But something’s about to shatter now. Noel’s mind is unravelling at the seams. He thinks, it’s trying to grasp Liam, trying to tangle up with his mind like it used to. But where he should feel his brother opening up for him and welcoming him in, there’s just barren nothingness. Liam’s voice isn’t calling out to him, isn’t calling him home. There’s no light. Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun Noel’s bones are burning from the inside. Every breath of air that reaches his lungs turns into tongues of fire bursting open his veins. Fear is filling up every cell in his body. He might die, he thinks, and then his eyes are wide open and Liam’s blurring behind walls of violent tears that come running down into Noel’s open mouth until he’s gasping and struggling for air. Liam would’ve put his hand in his neck and patted his back, ‘s alright, you’re alright, he would’ve said in his soothing, reassuring voice. Noel had thought he might say that when he finally would go through with it and call Liam up again. Although he’d imagined Liam to be the one who’d do the crying. At least that’s what he’d told their mam three days ago to stop her from crying when he’d told her he’d do it by the end of the month. The air in here is too cold. Liam never liked the cold, Noel doesn’t either. But Liam doesn’t care now, so Noel won’t either. There are people talking outside in front of the door like they’re about to come in to Liam. And Noel’s blood and flesh are boiling him alive; his muscles are screaming at him, not his little brother. Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good.

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

#prompt #god I feel so fucking guilty for this #and I hope I'm doing it justice and not turning it into a caricature or something #god please don't die liam I'm scared :(((

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perseusjackson-jasongrace · 4 years ago

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Also saw you're doing requests so yay!!. Any chance of jercy bakery au? Love your work sm hope you have a great day ☺☺

My Darling Anon how dare you make me fall more in love with Jercy???????? I squealed when i saw this and then promptly started writing even though i should be studying for my (ironically) Greek Mythology test.

i hope you love it because if i fail at least i know it’ll be worth it :) Also this was honestly supposed to be a quick drabble and it somehow ended up as 1,5K+ words so??? #isanyonesurprisedthough

Masterlist

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jason Grace smiled as the birds beside his head chirped and then swiped his phone to cut off the amusing sound. His fiery friend, and co-worker thought it was hilarious to steal his phone and change his alarm tone every few weeks. Usually it was something inane and silly like a cartoon laugh track or just a repeating “It’s time to get up BakerBoi” that gets increasingly louder. He had arrived to work with a scowl on his face only to see the shit-eating grin of Leo Valdez waiting at the door.

Now Jason stumbles out of bed, letting his limbs loosen as he pads softly to the bathroom, feeling cool tile and a winter breeze on his exposed skin. He loves mornings like this, when the world isn’t quite awake, and the sky hasn’t decided what colour it wants to be for the day. He knows in is baker’s bones that it’ll be cold and rainy, but he has time for a morning jog before the world starts crying.

“Good morning boss,” A bright eyed, fidgeting Leo greets as he steps into the bakery.

Jason had been there at seven thirty, pulling down the café chairs and cleaning the counters. He already had a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and about three different types of muffins in the oven. The bread was waiting for the busy hands of Leo and Hazel who somehow always seemed to make heavenly fluffed, soft rolls and the deliciously crusty baguettes. Hazel jokes that it’s the New Orleans blood that flows through her veins. They’re all half inclined to agree.

“Morning Valdez, I like the alarm this week.” He tosses a grin over his shoulder before going back to his icing ritual. Mix, taste, mix, ice.

“I figured you would old man. Even though i much prefer my ASMR food audio from last week. What’s the specialty today?”

“We need to get beignets out and the pain au chocolats before the breakfast crowd. Also the fruit stuffed pastry twists and the honey bread have to be prepped before we open so we can bring them out hot in time for the brunch crowd. Specialty today is a new thing I’ve been working on. Blue blondie doughnuts with Oreo cream filling and sugar glaze.”

“Gods boss, you tryna give people heart failure?”

“Just trying to insert some sweetness into the world,” He winked.

Before Leo could give an undoubted snarky reply a bubbly head of dark brown curls and glittering eyes popped around the door.

“Goooood morning everyone,”

Jason couldn’t help the smile that graced his face at her cheeriness, “Hello Miss Levesque, glad to see a prettier face around here,”

Leo made a strangled noise of indignation from the other side of the kitchen but didn’t get the chance to voice his offense before the last member of their little group walked in.

“Ah there you are Miss McLean, I do wonder how you arrive with Hazel and still manage to get in after her.”

She gave him an exasperated look, “I have to say goodbye to my girlfriend before I come in Boss. You’re the one who banned couple calls in the bakery.”

“Well maybe if we didn’t have to hear you and Annabeth explicitly planning your night’s activities I wouldn’t have had to do that.”

Piper just rolled her eyes and went to grab her apron and a cloth to wipe down the tables.

"Everyone ready?" He asked, from the door of the kitchen an hour later.

"Ready for the storm boss," They all yelled back, as they did each morning.

"Then let's roll like thunder," He grinned, flinging the doors to Ambrosia Bakery open.

"Oh thank the heavens, I could smell the goodness from here and it was a struggle to keep the drool in," One Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano breathed in deep.

"Good morning my favourite customer," Leo smirked from behind the counter.

"Jason tell your bread boy to stand down before I make him,"

"Is that an invitation?" Dark eyebrows wiggled in amusement.

"That is a threat," She growled.

"Well mark me down as scared and h—"

"Valdez I swear if you finish that sentence I'm putting you on wash-up duty for the next week."

A faint "you got it boss" followed Jason into the kitchen, where he allowed himself to smile. It was an ongoing amusement that Leo flirted with Reyna and in return she came up with increasingly terrifying threats.

"Jason, your sister is here to see you" Hazel said, gently shoving him out the way so she could take over rolling the pastry.

"Get the doughnuts ready for the fryer I'll be back soon, thank you!"

He maneuvered around a blushing Leo who had icing on his nose and a suspicious lipstick stain on his cheek, finally making his way to the confectioners stand.

"What's up loser?" He said by way of greeting.

"Hey you're only allowed to call me that if you come baring nice things." Thalia Grace frowned.

"I am nice things," He pouted.

"Not even on your best day." She snorted, "I want to know if you're coming to the gala this weekend. I need a date to steal extra bread-sticks for me."

"Why can't I just make you bread-sticks and we can sit in your lounge and watch bad reality TV?" He groaned

"Because I have to show face or the sponsors aren't going to sponsor. Besides you need a night out. You're gonna start smelling like bread if you don't take a break."

"It's insulting that you think I wouldn't want to smell like breadsticks."

She laughed at, that ruffling his hair, "Just be ready by seven. You better be wearing a suit."

And with that his sister had grabbed her daily croissant and cappuccino and vanished into the drizzling day.

Before he could make it back to his safe haven beside the ovens and marbled counter-tops a flash of black hair caught his eye.

Turning around he couldn't contain the grin that tugged at his lips; standing by the counter already staring intently at the newest creation was Jason's favourite customer.

"Hello Percy Jackson,"

"Jason," A dazzling smile revealed pearl white teeth and the tiniest dimple on a cheek the color of rich toffee.

"I see you've already found Neptune's Tridoughnut,"

A bright laugh escaped a wickedly beautiful mouth, "Oh I love that. How'd you come up with that one?"

Jason smiled softly, debating whether to tell the owner of the 5-Oceans Conservation Company that he was the muse behind all of his latest creations, hence the variations of green and blue.

Instead, as he did every time Percy asked, he lied, "My sister went to an opening ceremony for a new exhibit at the Education center all about Mythology so I thought I’d offer my services and well, they were a hit."

Piper who was walking past at that exact moment coughed something that sounded suspiciously like "Liar" but with a pointed glare she disappeared behind the counter.

"That sounds great. Guess I'll have to recruit you for all my functions," He winked, a small smirk playing at his lips.

Jason cursed his pale cheeks and hoped the blush he now sported wasn't too noticeable, "What can I get you besides a specialty doughnut?"

"Can I get one banana and walnut muffin, a dozen chic chips, and I'm gonna go see mom this afternoon so maybe a couple of caramel pastry twists and some blueberry muffins?"

"Sure. I guess Estelle is off her carrot cake faze?" He laughed, remembering how Percy had to stop at the bakery twice a week to grab carrot and pecan mini cakes just for his little sister.

"Ugh she's onto wanting fruit in absolutely everything now so my mom has been frantically buying boxes of peaches, strawberries and apples to cut up and send with her for lunch at school." Green eyes rolled in fake annoyance.

"Well if she likes fruit things maybe she should try the raspberry and orange pastry twists?" He pointed to a display stand piled with various pastries coloured by blackberry jam, apricot pieces, kiwi slices and mango syrup.

"I could kiss you right now!" Percy exclaimed rushing towards the display, unaware that the baker was frozen to the spot.

I could kiss you, could kiss you, kiss you, kiss...

Jason's brain had short-circuited, his neurons too busy having a dance party with his hormones to process the world.

I could kiss you.

A lazy, unconscious smile took over his face as he stood there in the middle of his bakery, arms slack, head lolled, and eyes crinkled.

"Jason?" A faraway voice called.

"Jason? Hello?"

And suddenly a hand was waving in front of his vision trying to get his attention.

He pulled himself out of his reverie, blinking back into existence, "Right yes the pastries"

"Didn’t get enough sleep last night?" Percy teased, slugging him softly in the shoulder.

He snorted at the implication, "Unfortunately I'm a bit of a grandfather. Sleep early, rise early."

"Oh guess you like morning activities then,"

He sputtered, head snapping up to stare into twinkling eyes, "N-no, I just meant—"

"I'm kidding Mr BakerMan," That brilliant, bright laugh again, "I know you're a homebody. Your sister likes to tell me how boring you are."

He huffed at that, "We'll see if she gets her pear tarts this weekend."

"Speaking of this weekend," A sly grin played at Percy's mouth, "Are you coming to the gala?"

"Yea," He sighed, "Thalia says she needs me to steal bread-sticks ."

Sea green eyes widened before Percy burst out laughing. In a matter of moments tears were streaming down his face.

If Jason wasn't so smitten with that gorgeous smile and those mischievous eyes he may have been inclined to laugh too. But Percy Jackson was a vision he half believed only his dreams could conjure.

When the laughter had mostly seized Percy wiped his eyes and managed to gasp, "That sounds exactly like something Thalia would ask. When we worked on the marine life project together she always stole the mints from every CEO’s office because she said they had enough money to buy a mint factory, they could afford to replace a single bowl."

"Yep, her life goal is to end capitalism. I swear if it wasn't for Annabeth, Thalia would be walking into office buildings with a sack like some reverse Santa Claus where she steals the office supplies and fruit bowls."

"Well I can't wait to see you stuffing your pockets with bread-sticks on Saturday so I guess I'll see you then," He gave another dazzling smile.

"Yea, and say hello to little Estelle for me. Tell me how she likes the pastries."

"Don't worry I'm sure I'll be back soon with a long list of request."

"Can't wait." He grinned.

Percy chuckled, "Me neither, see you Friday." And then he was gone.

Oh gods, Jason thought, how am I ever gonna survive Percy in a suit?

***

Spoiler alert past-Jason: you didn't.

#Okay but i lowkey love baker jason and big boss percy #Thank you Anon #this ask was too cute #PJSSG asks #she speaks #jercy fic #baby fanfic #baby fanfic series #jercy fanfic #percy jackson #jason grace #jason #grace #percy #jackson #PJO #HOO

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lancetuckershairgel · 5 years ago

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Lost Boy

Starring: Chris Evans as Captain Hook, Sebastian Stan as TJ Hammond, and Tom Holland as Peter Pan (and Anthony Mackie as Mr Smee but he isnt in the story. He was...swabbing the deck or something)

Warnings: drug use, feelings

Word Count: 1,545

A/N: Ahhhhhh!!! This is my new favorite thing ever and it took a turn from TJ being Pan but still. Me likey.

Tag List: @southernbell91 @book-dragon-13 @marvelgirl7 @anxiousamandapanda @randomfandompenguin @louisianaspell @jobean12-blog @leisurelypanda @buckysforeverprincess @tranquil--heart @abovethesmokestacks @brat-in-a-teacup @marvelandotherfandomimagines @collinsstanharbour @nerdy-bookworm-1998

Another bullshit party where TJ Hammond fell under the scrutiny of his parents, their colleagues, and the press left him itching for a fix. He couldn't get out of that place fast enough and relief washed over him the second he stepped foot inside the sanctuary that was his apartment. He tossed his leather jacket on the couch before he grabbed a beer from the fridge, popped the cap off on the counter, and made his way into the bedroom.

He lost count of how many lines of white powder he had snorted. He didn't care. Anything to numb him and wash away the feelings. He laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, his heart pounding in his chest and eyes glazed over. His fingers tingled and he felt the euphoric sensation of being high overcome him. Just as he was drifting away he heard a scratching at his window, loud enough to draw his attention back to the present. He sat up, swung his legs over the side of the bed and looked at the frame. He didn't think his heart could beat any faster but when the window began to slide open he thought the organ would pound right through his chest.

"Wh-who's there?" TJ whispered

A shadowy figure crawled through the open space and heavy boots clunked on the hardwood floor with a thud. TJ couldn't move, the effects of the drugs causing his reactions to be hindered and response time to be much slower than normal. His eyes were wide as the man began to walk toward him and he shook with fear.

"Don't be afraid." The man spoke "I won't hurt you, my dear boy."

"Wh-who are you?"

The man reached out his arm and TJ jumped but couldn't bring himself to move away from the man's reach. A shiver ran down his spine when something cold slid down his cheek and under his chin, tilting his head up. Blue eyes shown bright with fear and wonder as he looked up at the man. In the dark TJ couldn't make out much but he could see vague features. Long dark hair, a beard. The man was dressed in all black. Slowly, TJ lifted his hand to the object under his chin, his fingers curling around the man's wrist and sliding to his hand. There wasn't a hand. Instead there was a hook.

"You..you have a hook for a hand!"

"Clever boy." The man chuckled "And now you have answered your own question. I am Captain Hook."

"Yeah right." TJ laughed

"Don't believe do ya? Come, let me show you."

"Show me what? Your ship? A treasure?"

"Yes."

"Sure, why the hell not."

TJ shrugged and followed the man to the window, assuming this was a fever dream from his high. The wind on his face sure felt real, as did the man's towering presence next to him.

"I suppose were gonna fly?"

"We sure are. Go on, take my hand."

TJ curled his fingers around the hook and off the men flew, out the window and up to the sky. As they began to pass through the clouds the silhouette of a ship appeared in the distance.

"This is one hell of a trip." TJ thought to himself as he looked over the shining lights if D.C. below him.

Once the pirate's ship had set sail through the sky, TJ leaned against the front, wind blowing gently against his face. The man, Captain Hook, appeared next to him, leaning against the wooden edge and looking out across the stars.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Aye, my boy. See the bright star there?" Hook gestured with his makeshift hand and TJ nodded "That's the first star. We go straight from there and on til morning, then we'll be in Neverland."

"Neverland? You mean with Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, and the lost boys?"

"My child, you are a lost boy." Hook sighed, not looking at TJ

TJ raised his eyebrows but didn't respond. Instead he stood alongside Hook and watched as they carried on with their journey.

Upon arriving in Neverland, TJ followed the pirate off the ship and into the forest. Pixies, fairies, TJ didnt know what they were, flew overhead and he brushed their falling dust off his shoulder with a scowl.

"They like you." Hook chuckled, drawing his sword to cut through vines

"I don't like glitter."

"It isn't glitter." Hook corrected "Pixie dust. It's special."

"Can I snort it?"

Hook paused his step and gave a sideways glance to TJ before carrying on.

"I wouldn't recommend it."

Soon the pair arrived at a campsite. Teepees and a fire, a pot of stew and wooden platter of bread, headdresses, everything one would expect at a Lost Boy camp, everything except the Lost Boys.

"Where is everyone? Do I get to meet Peter Pan?"

Hook laughed as he began to pour stew into a bowl. He handed it to TJ who sat on a wooden stump and began to eat.

"The boys are off on an adventure."

TJ shoveled the food into his mouth, not realizing how hungry he actually was.

"I want to go on an adventure."

"Oh but my boy aren't you already having one?"

"Yeah, sure, but I want to wrestle a crocodile and pillage a village" TJ laughed "That rhymed. I want to find treasure"

"Well then, my lad, we can do all those things. Except maybe wrestle a crock."

While TJ ate, Hook told him tales of Neverland and how he became to be a resident. He debunked a few myths, such as he and Pan being enemies and a crocodile taking his hand.

"So how'd you lose it?"

"Aye, an unfortunate accident with the sword." Hook nodded solemnly "No matter. Are you done, Lad?"

TJ had finished his stew and felt pretty full. He thanked Hook before the pirate lead him away from camp. Through the woods and to Skull Island, dark cave with the rocks forming a skull.

"Let's find treasure shall we?"

TJ didn't know how long they had been in the cave. Hours. Days. He didn't care about the time, he was enjoying being a make believe pirate. He jumped from rock to boulder, climbing and exploring the cave. Eventually he found the treasure cove and his eyes lit up. Hook watched, leaning against the stone wall with his arms crossed over his chest, as TJ dove in. He tried on jewelry and pretended to drink wine from a gold goblet, he shoved diamonds and rubies into his pockets with Hooks permission. Last he picked up a crown adorned with jewels and placed it on his head.

"How do I look, Captain?"

"Like a proper young prince" Hook flashed him a smile

On the way back from the island TJ began to get tired, his legs aching from all of the walking. Hook obliged in giving him a backride back to the camp where Peter and the Lost Boys were waiting for them. TJ took in Peter Pan, a young boy as expected, who had brown hair and big brown doe eyes. He had a complete innocence about him that TJ admired and envied.

"Captain Hook! Who have you got there? Not another lost boy!"

Peter introduced himself to TJ and encouraged him to play with the lost boys. Seeing how young Peter and the boys were made TJ suddenly feel feel conscious and like he didn't belong. Hook noticed the long expression and put his arm around the boy.

"What's wrong, my boy?"

"I don't belong here. I'm thirty years old.Not a kid."

"Everyone is a kid at heart, some more than others. Being a Lost Boy doesn't mean that you're a child, it means you need some guidance, love, and a little pixie dust."

"Yeah? I guess you're right."

TJ spent the rest of the night carefree. He played with the lost boys and had a sword fight with Peter. He ate more stew and met Tinkerbell who was exactly as he expected. When the sun began to peak over the horizon the lost boys retreated into their teepees and Peter climbed up to his treehouse for a long sleep. TJ yawned as Hook lead him back to the ship.

"Do I have to go home?"

"Aye."

"I don't want to."

Hook scooped the sleepy TJ into his arms and carried him onto the ship, laying him in his bed.

"You can come back any time. All you have to do is believe."

TJ closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep as Hook covered him with a quilt and stroked his cheek with the smooth edge of his hook.

TJ awoke to light shining. He sat up and looked around, no longer on the pirate ship but instead back in his apartment. He looked over at the window and saw that it was not only closed, but locked as well. He frowned, unable to not feel disappointed by the fact that he hadn't really gone to Neverland with a handsome pirate and instead had experienced a wild, cocaine induced trip. He sighed and got up, making his way to the shower, by passing the window. If only he had seen the gold pixie dust print left on the windowsill.

#fan fiction #sebastian stan #tj hammond #chris evans #tom holland #peter pan #captain hook #lost boy

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just-call-me-johnny-archive · 4 years ago

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TW: Suicidal ideation, past suicide attempt mentioned, abusive language, stalking, paranoia, dreamlike body horror, panic attack. Reader discretion is advised.

He's there again. It's night time; they are both out drinking on the balcony. Crickets chirp and turn into a background white noise. His hair is short and blue and whips with the Summer wind. His eyes are still sharp and just barely shadowed as they look over the dewy streets of a sleeping city.

He hears the other man take another sip of his drink and then take a drag of a cigarette. Johnny is surprised when it doesn't burn the inside of his nostrils like before.

Despite knowing he had been drinking at some point before this time, Johnny just keeps the bottle in between his legs. Some sort of cherry wine cooler. Fruity pansy mocktail shit, as Edgar so endearingly referred to them as.

And it's this thought alone that reminds Johnny that he is dreaming, because in his memories- Edgar is never sarcastic or mean. He was funny and a little rude but in a cute way to Nny.

But to Johnny, he feels a living resentment that he can't show.

"You know you'll never be good enough for them, right?" He exhales, talking as smoke billows out and he's just blowing off steam on Johnny. His brain is because Edgar is not actually here and there's no way in Hell that Johnny spontaneously decided to pay the apartment a visit.

Nny or Johnny or whoever he is here, looks over to Edgar and says 'what?' Confused and yet knowing and frightened that he does but dreams are just metaphors and he can't control anything here as usual. Just watch and play pretend and act and wait to awaken safe and far away.

"Don't act stupid," the man says rolling his eyes harshly and flicking his finger and cigarette towards Johnny. "You know what I'm talking about. You don't think I can't see what you actually dream about? How much you just ache to be that man's little bug. Well I'll tell you now Swallowtail, you're no match for the Joneses over there."

"I mean, really? You couldn't have picked a worse couple to crush on, Nny. They are not even in the same sport as you, let alone league. Allow me to put it in perspective."

Vargas puts the cigarette at the corner of his lips and raises his hands a large amount of space apart.

"You're… discount putt putt in a two-star shopping center. And they are a Super Bowl played and broadcasted on the Moon."

He laughs and inhales while Johnny's mouth is set in a firm line. Unable to say anything. Unsure what to say because he's right. He is always right and even in a fucking dream he won't let this aware version of the bastard see him cry ever again.

"Look at you, can't even fucking laugh. I bet Leera can laugh. Bet she has the cutest little laugh that makes your precious Counselor's heart flutter. I also bet you can never do that for him."

Johnny blinks, looking away, face hot and eyes burning. He will scoop them out he swears he will because there's no consequences here. He can dig that lump in his throat out too and toss it like a little rubber bouncey ball you can get in those coin slots dispensers.

"Oh wait. No, I lied. You do, but more in a heart attack kind of way. Tell you what, Swallowtail, you sure know how to whore for attention. If you honestly believe that anything they're doing for you is for any other reason than you're a basket case sob story and slash or your sister and her whole goddamn family are royalty and slash or highly powerful people who have Dr. Jack Daniel's by his dick- then you're screwing yourself, my dear."

Johnny sets a frown and speaks, finding it easier to do than he thought it would be.

"I do know that." You don't have to keep fucking telling me how worthless I am and how much I'll never fit in with anything or how everyone who loves me does it out of pity or that I'm just kidding myself that anyone actually cares. I know that i fucking know that i cant ever forget you never let me forget.

His throat burns like the words stuffed down his throat.

"Good boy," Edgar says, grinning at the glassy eyed look that Johnny has trained on the drink in his grasp, wiping the condensation away with a shaky finger.

"I am sorry though, Swallowtail. It must be hard knowing that the only worth you have is as slavery towards your homicidal duties. You'll spend the rest of eternity irredeemably worthless with no reprieve of going mad to save you. Every day you'll be stuck with no one but yourself and whoever you may have… recruited in your delusion will be dead. Because see- immortality is a gift that just keeps giving. You'll live long enough to see all of the people who claim to love you in this life, grow old and die away or be gruesomely murdered and take that fragile bordered love with them."

"So, if I were you- and honestly, no offense, I am very glad I am not- I would just focus on the fleeting moments you have now and stop filling your little head with fantasies of being Jack's boytoy, because darling- may I remind you- any love that you think you feel or care or whatever- is temporary. When they die- it dies. So essentially, my dearest Swallowtail, you'll eventually kill that too."

Edgar takes another drag and then lets the cigarette fall to the concrete, crushing it with the toes of his dress shoes. "Which- as a recap- is all you're ever going to do."

He reaches over and pats Johnny's cheek and the man flinches, making a few of the tears he had been holding back fall down his cheeks.

Vargas then gets up and goes towards the balcony door and Johnny's body spasms a little and he finds himself surrounded by pitch black, and the familiar sounds of the room allow him to quiet his whimpered gasps down.

His breath levels out as he lets the tears fall as the dream fades away slowly. He still remembers a chunk of it. Enough to bring him back to the practice of making sure his cries are silent and quick and draining because he wants to be heard and held and told they're all lies of an exhausted, overclocked brain, but he knows that it's all true and he shouldn't make a noise because why is he even crying for? That his brain is trying to tell him he has been right all along and he just has to take it and live with it because it's fucking life and he better get used to it.

He keeps asking himself why he's crying and what good it'll do and not to wake anyone with his noise and he eventually is able to calm down enough to breathe again.

He feels gross, warm, with his face wet and his throat feeling clogged and his eyes burning. Nobody wants to see that. Wants to see him sniveling and whining about a silly dream when there's so many actual problems to worry about. Like an unborn child and a company and a kingdom and a galaxy of people. So many more important things.

And it's in that moment where Johnny starts wondering where the surgical scalpels are because he needs to do it for real this time. No fucking up and being found and failing at killing everything but himself. Kill the disease; kill the host. Kill the thoughts kill the noise kill the sadness kill the shame kill the memories kill the desires and and needs.

Kill the images in his head of being found like this and held and shushed and told everything would be okay because it's never okay and all he has are these stupid fucking fantasies that will never happen and that aren't his to have anymore anyways. And that are useless pictures of window shopping. Of things he can't afford and will never be worthy of.

And he physically has to hold on to the blanket to stop himself from getting up right now, walking down that hall, and just throwing himself out into the vastness of space.

It hasn't been this bad in a while and he thinks about Dr. Ruxill's voice talking about therapy. And he wonders how that would go for him talking about things he can barely handle himself. About memories he only just started recovering over the past two years. And then he thinks of losing his last breath to the stars and how he won't have to talk ever again.

And he continues this over and over and over until the lights come back on and the nurse comes in and he can't be roused to give his arm for more medicine. He's curled in tight to himself and he's aware and awake but mute and non-compliant. And after a while of coaxing and no response or surrender they give up and call in reinforcements.

And then Counselor comes in with his soft voice and common sense and rationality and Johnny can't handle any of that especially and so he pulls the blankets over his head and doesn't leave that position until he senses the lights are turned off and his room is vacant and the staff are being briefed not to enter his room unless it's an emergency.

Breakfast is brought in without a word and then lunch and when dinner rolls around Johnny's everything hurts so bad that he has to at least eat a small piece of bread to shut up the annoying gnawing in his gut.

After a while, Johnny hears the violin come in through the vents. And it sounds like how he feels and despite all the numbness and walls and impassivity he has put up today he crumbles there in the bed, sobbing openly into the blazer he has under his sheets. He whispers things to it and himself that he would never say in out loud. Tells it his dirty little secrets and fears and just like the owner it listens without judgment. The violin in the air covers it all protectively, keeping Johnny's words between himself and the blazer he's wrinkling in his shaky, desperate grasp.

I want i want i want… he tells the jacket's silky interior. Spills it all and lets the words sink in like the saliva on his lips leaving a dark patch on the material he has pressed against them.

He seals the confession with a kiss, feeling childish and pathetic, but Johnny presses his face and forehead into the cool silk and it tells him he's not.

Johnny lays on his side again, hugging the thick blazer close to his chest. He curls into it, seeking and finding warmth as he begins to drift halfway through a sound change. The tone becomes timid, questioning, and curious now. Nothing like the confident, heavy, slow, and morose chords from before.

An experiment. In music and in coping with the inevitable.

Johnny's sleep is dreamless this time, and he holds the blazer the whole night through rather than wearing it.

#tw suicide #tw suicide ideation #tw suicidal thoughts #tw suicide attempt #tw stalking #tw paranoia #TW panic attack #tw abuse #tw body horror

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allbestnet · 8 years ago

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1187 Ideas

1) A Wikipedia for WW2 testimonials 2) A way for software developers to donate their time to charity 3) A place for rich people to send their kids so they get humbled before they go to college 4) an actual business that you pay to go into and beat the crap out of stuff like old cars 5) Twitter, except it's anonymous, and you can share all you secrets 6) A website that you subscribe to and it sends you a personalized motivational text every morning 7) You know those photo frames that are digital? Instead of photos they can display motivational photos or quotes. 8) A website like linkedin, except a company pays you to work for them for two weeks with the option of extending to full-time. 9) An alarm clock that calls your ex if you don't get up. Or picks a random photo in your phone and sends it to your parents. 10) An aquarium desktop background. But seriously nowadays we can do better. We can improve it to make it awesome again! 11) Coffee shop where they bring the coffee and pastries to your table. No tips required 12) A heavy coat with a hawaiian shirt pattern 13) A website where you input what kind of bread you want, like banana pumpkin bread, and they custom make it and ship it to you. Then there's a voting system where the most popular breads get voted to the top and are mass produced. 14) caricatures on demand 15) In-n-out sauce mass produced and sold in grocery stores 16) A coffee shop that's just a window 17) Personal coaching should be more like... utilized 18) Soda that gets you drunk 19) A coffee shop... ON A ROOF! 20) Robot horses for Central Park. 21) An alarm clock that's actually a light that simulates the sunrise. I know they already invented that. 22) A cuff that goes on your arm and vibrates when it's time to wake up. Would be good for people who sleep with ear plugs or don't want to wake other people up. 23) Windows that let air in when they're closed. I have no idea if that could actually work. 24) Handicap parking spots have little chips in them that connect to a chip under a handicap car... if it doesn't detect a chip in the car it gives you a ticket. 25) Plants you can buy and you water them with a special water that makes them turn colors like blue. 26) Chia pet wigs. 27) All cops should have body cams by now 28) Stolen from reddit: water cups that dissolve when in contact with sugar/soda. 29) A website that takes random words from the dictionary then arranges them to make crazy ideas with the click of a button. 30) A sock washer. I always feel like the bottoms of my socks get dirty. I wish I could find a way to make them white again. 31) A cross between James Altucher's iii:am and Lynda (online programming tutorials). 32) Bookstore like workshop cafe. You go in, can read any books you want and pay by the hour. Plus comfy chairs and soothing quiet music in the background. 33) A board game designed specifically for when your power goes out. 34) Wallets made out of the fabric of old couches. Do they need to be waterproof? 35) A combination between a coffee shop and a bookstore. Also steal from that workshop cafe idea I posted earlier. 36) An amusement park that only serves super healthy food. 37) A flag that stays up even when it's not windy. 38) Blinds that are vertical so dust doesn't collect on them. 39) A VC bank for average people that have good ideas. 40) An airplane company that has live entertainment on the plane. Like Macbeth. 41) Uber for commuting. 42) A robot that walks your dogs. Or even an on demand service that walks your dogs for you. Uber for dogs. Am I doing Uber overkill here? 43) Startup houses that are run by professionals and kept clean and cheap 44) A way of sharing HBO with people that is legal 45) A really cheap service that you can use to send flowers to people. Not like a bouquet, just a single flower. Just to let them know you're thinking of them. 46) Handheld laptop bags. Because when you wear a backpack or a strapped case it makes you sweaty in hot weather. 47) Sleeping mask but for your ears. OKAY, I KNOW EARPLUGS EXIST. But there's gotta be a better way and more comfortable way of keeping the outside quiet when you're trying to sleep. 48) Glasses that act as a flashlight but don't have any glare. So you can read your book in the dark but it doesn't hurt your eyes or irritate/ wake up other people. 49) What ever happened to those ion cleaner weird air fan things? Are the ions still killing me? Do I need to buy one? 50) Crowdfunding for homeless people 51) Uber except they send people to take care of you when you're sick. Okay, that's enough Uber. 52) Headphones that don't actually play music, they just act like ear plugs that you can wear when you're sleeping. 53) A restaurant where you can taste like a little bit of every entree instead of looking at a menu, then pick the one you want to have a full meal of. 54) A fake cover for a PC that makes it look like a mac 55) An app where people walking by your house can be notified about who you are if you feel like socializing and just kind of meet strangers on the fly. It sounds unsafe but some kinks could probably be worked out 56) A whiteboard/chalkboard with no residue. IS IT POSSIBLE? 57) Soles of your shoe that are resistant to sticky substances like gum 58) A way to give your phone charge to your computer and vice versa 59) A service that cleans your shoes. Seriously, how do you clean regular shoes. I don't understand. Do you just throw them in the washer? 60) Okay, okay, the last uber one. An uber app where you can call a car to come and pick up your food and unused supplies, clothing, etc to donate them to charity. 61) A notebook that you write into that immediately digitizes your notes and sends them to your computer. 62) Something that looks like a book but can change depending on what book you program into it. Like those newspapers in Harry Potter. 63) A bar right next to a baseball/football stadium where you can down a bunch of cheap drinks before you go to the game. 64) Nutritional trail mix. Like it has vitamins and minerals in it. And electrolytes. 65) VR headset that stimulates your dreams while you sleep. 66) You know the facebook poke button? A way to do that with your professional contacts if you just want to check in with them. Well, I mean you can already do that by giving them a call or a text but like, maybe something simpler than that. 67) A way to relieve the annoyance of automated robot phone systems. 68) Cough or cold medicine with caffeine in it. 69) Dorms for software developers in San Francisco. Would make living a lot cheaper. And without the meal plans of course. 70) Alternative college that you only go to for two years but is designed to get you a serious grown up job like engineer or doctor etc 71) A communal dishwasher that makes it easier to deal with. 72) Pets for mental health relief. I mean they already made that but like, that counts as an idea. 73) Bubbles you can eat. Like you blow the bubbles, then you can put them in your mouth and they taste good. No calories either. 74) Digital paintings. 75) A kind of residue/resin you can put on wood that's started to splinter. So it will smooth it out without making the wood look crappy. 76) You know how a lot of buildings in the city have shitty ceilings? Like, linoleum for ceilings. 77) Rubber couch 78) Fire alarm that attaches to your clothes. So you can have a fire alarm even in a place that doesn't have it installed. Or maybe for your car. 79) An app that connects to your facebook and lets you anonymously give people feedback. Like, just general feedback. 80) Gag popcorn that looks like it's made out of asbestos. 81) Not really a new idea, but someone should make earmuffs popular again. 82) Neon lights for your car. 83) Sunglasses where you click a button and it blacks them out, so you can take a nap. 84) Manila folders that aren't manila colored! 85) American flag socks. Well, actually american flag anything. 86) A chair that can fit in your backpack. 87) Decorative woven cotton wire covers 88) Leather socks 89) A way to efficiently access your computer through your phone. Like kind of like Teamviewer, except it would be optimized so there would be no issues using a touch screen instead of clicking. 90) Something as small as a credit card that you can stick in your wallet but it charges your phone. Like it just gives you maybe 20% but it's for emergencies and you would always carry it with you. 91) Company recruiting service that lets you spend a whole work day with an employee instead of interviewing etc. 92) Electronic whiteboard 93) Toe covers that protect your toes from getting blisters. 94) A service that you can use to pay people (any people) to answer questions. Like if I wanted to ask what it was like to work at Google, I could pay a Google employee through their website and they would answer any of my questions. 95) Hand sanitizer dispensers in subways 96) Something that you spray on your feet at the end of the day that makes them not smell. 97) A coffee shop that charges a monthly fee and you can stop by whenever to grab coffee. Most likely it would be on an honor system where you would only go a max of two times per day. God knows how many times some people would go to get unlimited coffee. 98) A service like thinkful or hack hands where engineers give advice to amateur engineers. Except this service would be like hack hands except for foreign language students to ask questions of native speakers or language teachers. 99) Eraseable sharpie 100) An app that grabs every contact from every social network and compiles them into like a universal contact book. Because right now in the apple contact app you have to like manually put everything in. Even if you integrate facebook sometimes it can make it all messed up and ugly. 101) Cup holders made of sandpaper 102) Skin colored tiny band aids that you put on your face to stop yourself from picking zits 103) Cologne that doubles as a bug repellant 104) Eye contacts that have instagram filters 105) Shirts that change color depending on the temperature 106) Shirts that change color when they get wet. Maybe not great if you're sweating. Or maybe awesome? 107) Holographic home decorations so you don't have to buy a ton of shit from Crate & Barrel or Pier Imports or whatever 108) Headphones that are inside a beanie 109) Gloves that make your hands stick to a wall and you can climb them like a spider. Defective ones would probably make people die though... 110) Vertical ironing board 111) Coffee pills that you put in regular water and it magically turns to coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 112) Upside down showers 113) Shoes that you put on and they automagically massage your feet. 114) A site where you put in your desired salary and your employer puts in their desired salary for you and the site does the negotiating for you! 115) Apple should make computers with different fruits on them. 116) A backpack that goes on your front. A frontpack. I guess they already do that though for tourists in countries where people like to steal stuff out of your backpack. 117) Bring fanny packs back! 118) Flexible water bottles. Like made out of... rubber or something. So they don't make a lot of noise 119) Pumpkins that you can carve but they don't rot. GMO?? 120) Soundproof bathrooms 121) A visual representation of a github repo over time 122) Mosquito repellant cologne. Wait, did I already do that? Oops. Still counts this time. 123) Mosquito repellant breath mints 124) Detergent gel 125) Chairs that recline so you can lay down 126) A device that lets you lie down in supine position and still type on your computer or read a book or whatever 127) An iphone case that holds gum 128) Liquid nitrogen for mosquito bites to make them not itch. Not sure if that's dangerous. Lots of dangerous ideas today. 129) Sharpie that you can spray 130) Refrigerator stickers for your car 131) Reusable tissues 132) Solar panels for the moon 133) Underwater solar panels in the ocean 134) CSI video game 135) IRC app for iphone/android 136) modern version of usenet 137) chapstick for your elbows 138) automatic head scratcher machine 139) a better way of washing clothes than washing machine and dryer. like a steamer or something 140) sunglasses with shutter lenses 141) anti acid reflux soda 142) garbage collecting drones 143) garbage collecting rc cars 144) rc cars that adults can ride on. remember those hummers they made for kids? 145) A clock with like six hands that has three different time zones 146) bean bags literally filled with beans 147) one of those sleeping cds filled with passing car sounds at night 148) A way to transfer charge between your phone and your laptop 149) A book that has two books, like on every left page is one book and every right page is the other 150) soylent that doesnt taste like crushed oatmeal shake 151) keyboards that are shaped to fit in your lap 152) headphones that are made of rubber 153) a personal blog directory that you can easily browse through 154) blockbuster for books. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM A LIBRARY in that they carry the most recent and popular titles, and that is why you pay to rent them out. or unlimited for a monthly fee like netflix 155) a less acidic version of coffee. like odulles for coffee. 156) an app that you give your location, then it matches you with the nearest, cheapest, highest quality doctor for your specific case. it takes the hassle out of scheduling doctor appointments, especially in new cities etc 157) khan academy for art 158) computer monitors that look like the kindle screens 159) electronic whiteboards 160) cigs/cigars that make colorful smoke. Probably could also work for e-cigs 161) an automatic machine that thinks of ideas for you 162) cruise ships for people that are almost dead 163) i hate zits 164) Furniture rental 165) electric mop 166) biking shoes that light up 167) powdered sugar lollipops 168) sweatshirt for your legs 169) shoes that float 170) subways should have hand sanitizer dispensers 171) blogging website where you dictate your blog post and it will convert it to text for you 172) caffeine injections 173) mouses for tablets - I think the correct word is mice, the electronic ones 174) wood shoes 175) back pocket on your sweatshirt that holds a laptop like a kangaroo pouch 176) aluminum shirts 177) a sound monitor for your house that lets you know if someone broke in 178) concerts on twitch.tv 179) flip flops with covers just so you don't get the wind chill on your toes. like slippers but they can be taken seriously 180) pets for your pets 181) some pill that reduces the effect of caffeine 182) slippers that vibrate and heat up 183) socks that change color depending on the temperature 184) airbnb except the host also gives you a tour around their city. would prob cost a lot more 185) sheets that stick to your clothes so they never come off at night 186) pillows that clean themselves 187) doors not made of wood 188) sweatshirts that have optional gloves. like theyre attached but theres a way of hiding them if you don't want to wear them 189) keyboards made of wood 190) wireless earbuds for when you run 191) Backpack that has an umbrella attached to the top so it protects you from the sun and rain 192) gum that is made to be swallowed 193) Clothes dyeing service or better yet, a free service by fashion students to spice up your old clothes 194) ipads with screens that you can write on with expo markers 195) transparent shoes 196) hollow lightbulbs 197) gum that doesn't stick to stuff so students can't stick it under their desk or on the bus 198) books sold with a pair of ear plugs 199) shoes that double as vacuum cleaners. or swiffers 200) jeans with built in suspenders that go under your shirt 201) robot cats 202) a real pumpkin filled with the ingredients you need to make pumpkin pie 203) fruity coffee 204) chocolate covered coffee beans 205) coffee covered chocolate beans 206) glove dispensers on the muni 207) inside out bagels 208) knife except the end is blunt so you can't stab anyone with it 209) uber for laundry 210) coffee based on alcoholic drinks 211) vacuum sealed fruits 212) rubber wrist watch 213) keyboards made of the lava lamp stuff 214) tie dye shoes 215) tie dye hats 216) subway sandwiches that look like a subway car 217) books that stay open 218) built in stand in laptop 219) rolling beanbag 220) edible fake money 221) flavored musical instruments 222) a clothing store where you pay a monthly fee and you can wear whatever they have 223) mesh socks 224) mesh beanie. wait, isn't that a hairnet? 225) roll on cologne 226) a running shoe/dress shoe hybrid 227) shoes coated in teflon 228) luggage that has that hole thing in it that you attach your vacuum to and it vacuum seals it 229) earbuds covered in velvet 230) water guns that shoot glow in the dark water 231) pumpkin pie that is shaped like a pumpkin 232) beard shampoo 233) sweatpants that hide your sweat like dri fit 234) running shoes for adults that light up. would be esp good for night running 235) exercise classes specifically for programmers 236) a refrigerator backpack 237) a bandaid designed specifically for paper cuts to make them hurt less 238) a website where you make a post about yourself and other people decide what the best career for you is 239) a website where you can web chat with a lawyer for a flat rate 240) colorful cola 241) sweatshirts with hoodies that have headphones in them. but you can remove them when you need to wash them 242) spandex sweatshirts 243) inflatable shoes 244) backpacks that have built in phone chargers 245) cough syrup except it's not for a cough its for a headache. so headache syrup 246) an online record player 247) virtual reality basketball 248) chairs that you can sit sideways in 249) robot that automatically cuts your hair 250) something safer than q tips for cleaning ears 251) insider guides for tourists to feel like a native 252) mental hospitals designed specifically for homeless people 253) carpet for ceilings and walls 254) 10c surcharge for disposable cups at starbucks 255) an app that shows where the homeless people are in san francisco 256) an app that shows in real time where the densest traffic is in the city 257) speakers in shoes 258) jeans that are khaki colored 259) gum that biodegrades quickly 260) glass coffee cups 261) an app that translates a TOS (terms of service) into plain english 262) A vodka or champagne bottle that looks like a fire extinguisher 263) headphones inside a bicycle or motorcycle helmet 264) biodegradable diapers 265) shoes with gold bottoms 266) polyester socks 267) automatic hair braider machine 268) automatic condom making machine 269) digital whistle 270) rubber headphone covers so they don't fall out of your ears 271) cronuts that don't taste like shit 272) fetty wap voice modulizer app 273) books made out of edible paper 274) water cups that have fake holes in them 275) jeans that have a bunch of jeans on them. like a decorative pattern so they're like jean jeans 276) jeans that say billy. billy jeans 277) coffee popsicles 278) walnut milk 279) coconut pizza 280) stickers that you put on your nails instead of nail polish 281) Portable microwave 282) Illegal immigrants are granted citizenship after working and paying taxes for a period of time 283) Camera in your shoe 284) Digital paintings 285) Shirts that have paintings on them by freelance artists. Like a site sells them from different artists for a reasonable price. 286) Flying trash can drones 287) A service that comes to your house for like $5 and gets rid of all the things you don't want 288) Uber for cleaning ladies 289) Painting on a large flat rock that you can put on your wall 290) A watch made out of glass. Or something that looks similar to glass but doesn't break as easily. 291) an app called payback where you pay people to get your revenge. like, in a civil way 292) James brown soundboard or voicemail message generator 293) tripod for your phone 294) remote karate lessons via webcam 295) a millisecond timer 296) a reverse doorknob 297) you know those things that you crack and they warm up? use that stuff to warm your food 298) hair gel for places other than your head 299) an app that delivers a party to you! 300) online flannel shirt generator 301) rimshot app or a website where you click a button to make a rimshot 302) an app where you say a catchphrase and it tells you where its from 303) instead of those mug huggers that keep you from burning your hand on your coffee use a recycled sock 304) an app that plays ocean sounds until it detects you've gone to sleep then it turns off your phone 305) hot iced tea 306) snapple made out of apples 307) hollowed out fruits as drink cups 308) edible plates 309) edible napkins 310) vegetable cookies 311) send a letter to someone famous and ask their advice 312) pizza with the toppings under the cheese 313) pizza with toppings in the crust 314) post-its that are sticky on both sides 315) airbnb for office space 316) sweatshirts that zip up on the back 317) shoes that you zip instead of tie 318) bubble gum flavored mints 319) aa batteries that you can plug in 320) flip flops made of recycled shoes 321) carbonated water infused with fruit juice 322) edible post it notes 323) service that intentionally paints your car like a taxi 324) cardboard clothes for homeless people (cardboard couture?) 325) candles that smell like good food 326) food that smells like candles 327) coffee slurpee 328) shoes made out of recycled corn husks 329) popcorn except it's made out of something else that pops... 330) a device that attaches to your waist and holds a book in front of your face so you don't have to strain your neck 331) tea pods that you drop in hot water instead of tea bags. they dissolve so you don't have to try to fish out the tea bag and throw it away 332) carbonated spirits 333) elastic belts 334) GMO potatoes that taste like a seasoned baked potato 335) popsicles that look like politicians 336) an apartment complex specifically designed for community living. like campus, except not a failed startup. improve on whatever made them fail - it looks like aiming for the high end market was an issue 337) champagne flavored orange juice. except it's non alcoholic like odulles and super cheap. so you can start every morning feeling like the 1% 338) orange flavored latte 339) pumpkin flavored ice cream 340) banana soda 341) bahn mi grilled cheese 342) Water bottles made of rubber 343) College designed for one specific job 344) job sponsored toastmasters 345) Refugee island 346) Shrink wrap for food 347) Busses for rich people 348) Scented tissues 349) Battery powered skateboards 350) Paper shoes 351) water balloons filled with cleaning liquid so cleaning your house is more fun 352) Fantasy football except it generates fake footage of all your players together 353) trash cans that have a pipe at the bottom automatically sending everything to a reservoir 354) coffee delivery service 355) ice cream delivery service 356) ice cream with coffee bean chunks in it 357) ice cubes made of coffee 358) An internship that takes place in a new country every month 359) A calculator that understands plain english (voice) 360) coffee flavored bubble gum 361) legal pads that have a different color for every page 362) carbonated ice cubes 363) carbonated ice cream 364) sprite float 365) mesh sunglasses cover 366) coffee straws 367) aluminum sunglass frames 368) washing machine that depills clothes 369) jean short shorts 370) jean hat 371) shortbread shaped like shorts 372) a cafe designed for business meetings and catching up with friends, so like it's soundproofed maybe? 373) a service that connects dogs that need to be walked with obese people who need to walk 374) rainbow taxis 375) rainbow hair dye 376) incense deodorant/cologne 377) sweatpants that look like jeans 378) an apartment complex with a subsidized grocery store built into it 379) you know how they have food co-ops? how about a school/education co-op. 380) an island for homeless people 381) air freshener that fits in your pocket 382) uber designed to take you from public transport destination straight to your doorstop for pennies 383) chairs that you buy at the store and can easily decorate them yourself 384) a service where if you're having a bad day you can borrow a shelter dog 385) microwaveable raw pasta 386) pasta sauce with 24k gold flakes in it 387) heels that have invisible filling so it doesn't feel like you're walking in heels 388) startup pitch generator website 389) a service where you pay someone to go to a conference then pretends to be you and networks with people 390) coffee with vitamins 391) news articles on water bottles 392) digital posters 393) a frame on your wall that uploads the front page of new york times every morning 394) orange socks 395) socks that smell like oranges 396) mugs with built in straws 397) an alarm that rings a few times a day reminding you what your priorities are 398) frappucino without sugar and maybe add protein 399) protein water 400) edible newspaper 401) brown paper bags that aren't brown 402) spaghetti made of bread 403) baked ice cream 404) public cubbies in the city 405) bike stealer vigilante service 406) ceiling fans that spin vertically 407) gyms that pay you to go 408) windows that clean themselves 409) skateboards that run on gasoline 410) adopt a rapper program 411) a gym that gives you a monthly discount based on your bmi 412) aluminum foil pants 413) night vision goggles for truck drivers 414) an app that explains all the currently trending hashtags on twitter 415) flowers that grow in reverse 416) suits made out of nike dri-fit 417) shoes designed to be put in the washing machine without breaking their form 418) take out boxes made out of thick rice paper 419) milkshakes with artificial sweetener 420) in honor of 420 - marijuana milkshakes 421) coffee mugs that are made out of recycled coffee plants 422) a backscratching blanket that you can lay on 423) peanuts that taste like other nuts 424) alcoholic protein shakes 425) a curvy iphone called a jphone 426) odulles for vodka 427) peanut butter jelly quesadilla 428) GMO apples with caramel flavor in it 429) the talking trout thing that you can attach to the front of your car 430) Indian sushi 431) a service where you talk to someone on the phone about your job goals and life and they make a resume for you in less than 30 minutes. 432) a restaurant where they give you the recipe for whatever you order when you're done eating 433) chair that sits on a roomba so it can drive you around 434) free weight loss program where they send you to the desert and you have to find your way back 435) every guy spends a significant amount of their life shaving. we need shave consultants to make shaving as pleasant of an experience as possible 436) shoes that have tv screens on them 437) sugar-ed pretzels 438) head wax for balding people 439) beard donation for the less fortunate 440) concrete rings 441) carbonated milk 442) root beer ice cream 443) talking trash cans that compliment you when you put something in it 444) neck warmers for giraffes 445) whiteboards that are black 446) books made of kelp 447) a phone and wallet hybrid 448) gum flavored food 449) food flavored gum 450) elevators that have quick exercise machines in them 451) peanuts with extra protein 452) chocolate covered peanuts 453) peanut reeses 454) beard softener cream 455) coconut covered almonds 456) running shoes that are covered in reflective material 457) socks that are covered in reflective material 458) chewing gum that has vitamins or caffeine in it 459) hats with reflective tape on them 460) whiteboard markers that smell like fruit 461) crowdsourced maps that says where people go the most often or fav places 462) carbonated coffee 463) bars that have a section for underage people where they have odulles 464) a starbucks inside a starbucks 465) iphones that run android 466) cars that have glow in the dark wheels 467) concrete shoes 468) spotify for movies 469) uber for haircuts 470) diet chocolate 471) savory soda 472) shower that heats up the rest of the room so when you get out you're still warm 473) warm floor tiles 474) vegan fried chicken 475) nair branded for mens faces 476) shoes that are made to last a lifetime 477) ipads for mute people to help them talk 478) t shirts with turtle necks 479) chewing gum that has an appetite suppressant 480) home milkshake maker 481) sock dryer for when it rains and you get wet socks 482) hydrophobic socks 483) spicy pancakes, maybe pumpkin 484) reeses lollipops 485) chewy gummy lollipops 486) virtual job interview service 487) a fancy pants restaurant that only serves breakfast 488) a service where you switch jobs with someone in the same industry across the world for 3 months 489) waterproof running shoes 490) disposable umbrellas 491) tinder for food 492) app to post ideas that drunk people have 493) an app that connects drunk or high people with enterpreneurs to give them ideas 494) live stream karaoke 495) free boats for homeless people 496) yelp for barbers 497) live streaming for drunk people 498) tinder for biceps 499) uber for coffee 500) bring back the dinosaurs 501) messaging for github 502) popsicle delivery on a hot day. like it's a government funded charity to make the city happy 503) github AI detector to automatically solve merge issues 504) a chrome extension that adds a chatroom to every page on the internet 505) a website that you put a bunch of ideas into and it tells you objectively the best idea 506) a website where drunk people can entertain people for money 507) a phone cover that changes color depending on heat 508) a mood ring that tightens whenever you get angry 509) an anonymous essay writing platform 510) twitter for poetry 511) locks for your bagel bags to stop bagel thieves 512) anonymous polling service for college lectures 513) a cover for your phone that displays the date and time on the back 514) uber for homeless people 515) airbnb for pets 516) blogging platform for kids 517) cookies with fruit in them 518) fruitcake for the whole year round 519) brownie lollipops like cake pops 520) interactive vim tutorial in browser 521) free programming classes at libraries 522) vegetable flavored candy 523) grape on a stick 524) liquid graphite pens 525) cameras in your home that determine your pet's mood when you leave 526) a city where cars drive above ground but all the sidewalks are below ground 527) a blog platform specifically made for people trying to lose weight 528) an IDE that has real time chat with team members or people who are working on similar projects 529) a reality show that puts a bunch of drug using rock stars in a convent 530) instagram for programmers 531) aws tutorial for total beginners 532) justin bieber website that shows the progression of his music over time 533) blogs that you can only view if you're near the location they were posted 534) charity that gives domain names to promising web developers in 3rd world countries 535) service that hooks up a college freshman with a senior for a whole year and helps them get adjusted 536) beer that has protein 537) beer that gets you drunk but only on friday and saturday nights 538) tinder for homeless people 539) concert livestreams 540) tour bus livestreams for musicians (possibly on twitch.tv) 541) community lounge sponsored by cities (i.e. taxpayer money) 542) a school where you study in a different country for every semester 543) social workers that live in the projects 544) art gallery for kids under 5 years old 545) an app where you let other people listen to whatever you are listening to within a 1 mi radius 546) a dating website that matches you based on things you hate 547) a robot car that picks you up from an airport in a foreign city and generates a list of touristy things to do then takes you to each one 548) High heels with rubber heels 549) pool with a glass bottom on the second floor of a house 550) electronic pool table where everything is virtual 551) neck pad to prevent neck pain while using the computer 552) neck warmer that is literally a cat 553) justin bieber action figure 554) bill cosby pudding pops (not sure if they will sell very good now) 555) messaging platform for github 556) hacker news chatroom 557) a website that calculates how long until you die / how long you've been alive 558) league of legends in real life 559) headphones that are 100% biodegradable 560) gum that tastes like italian food 561) earplugs that are sticky so they stay in your ear 562) website that integrates with facebook and makes a graph visualization with your social network 563) watch that vibrates depending on your mood 564) food that freshens your breath after you're finished eating it 565) watch that tells you it's time to get a watch 566) rainbow deodorant 567) deodorant that smells like food 568) edible highlighter 569) TAs for your life 570) shoes that are gum resistant 571) glasses that track your eye movements all day 572) wireless computer charger 573) jacket made out of a blanket 574) computer chair that supports your neck 575) tylenol that has ambien in it 576) fig newton without figs 577) animated curtains 578) air conditioner that puts fresh smells in the air 579) headphones with a cup holder 580) professional quote maker manual 581) gum that doesn't stick to surfaces like under desk, sidewalks, etc. 582) holographic newspaper ads 583) bring back the pet rock 584) healthy jamba juice. Like Suja but made fresh and cheaper. 585) fruit flavored cola 586) savory soda 587) nylon jackets that don't make crinkly noises 588) computer that tracks your face and automatically tilts the screen to reduce neck strain 589) wallet made out of carpet 590) waterproof carpet 591) watch that can switch between analog and digital 592) jeans made out of cashmere 593) lotion for your hair 594) sponges that are infused with soap 595) jackets that keep you cold instead of hot 596) hot ice cubes. like not made of ice but it keeps your drink hot 597) book that tells a different story if you start reading from the back 598) alarm clock that yells at you instead of ringing 599) blog website for pets 600) lollipops that contain vitamins - for kids 601) apple watch that detects your mood when running and plays music accordingly 602) athletic shoes that automatically cool off your feet 603) waterproof socks 604) reflective socks 605) antibacterial tissues 606) salsa for foods that are not mexican 607) water bottle that is compostable 608) rent a shelter dog service 609) sunglasses that absorb sunlight and converts it to energy 610) sunglasses that change color depending on the intensity of light 611) eraser that whitens after it erases 612) community office space paid for by the city 613) free coffee for monthly muni/bart pass holders 614) flash drive that also can project images 615) electronic water bottle that cools down its contents 616) iphone case that turns red when your phone is overheating 617) magazine about magazines 618) headphones combined with earmuffs 619) beanie that keeps your head cool but blocks noise, mainly for use while you sleep maybe you can pull it over your eyes too to block out light 620) hair salon that gives you a surprise haircut every time 621) tie dye water glasses 622) water bottles with text that changes color indicating temperature 623) pencil eraser that makes your paper smell good 624) thot radar 625) headphones that amplify noise outside them 626) office chairs with seat warmers 627) office chairs with seat coolers 628) windbreaker that doesn't make crinkly noises 629) shower phone 630) a combination between wine and beer 631) spaghetti sauce with vitamins 632) digital magic 8 ball 633) electric bicycle 634) book where each chapter is a shortened version of a classic book 635) app to find the nearest public toilet 636) app to find where really nice cars are driving around 637) tv channel that just has audiobooks on 24/7 638) flavored rain 639) pumpkin spice almonds 640) blogging platform for charities 641) portable vinyl player 642) jacket made of hair 643) bus that has a bar in it 644) kindle that has the texture of a book cover 645) stickers that light up 646) beanie with a built in heater 647) breadsticks with marinara sauce inside them 648) inside out pizza 649) jean socks 650) exit signs that have built in fire & carbon monoxide detectors 651) a boat inside a boat 652) office chairs that massage your back while you work 653) sharpies that aren't permanent 654) public trash cans that automatically compact themselves 655) licorice flavored lollipop 656) savory churro 657) a guide to saving money written by a gangster 658) permanent expo markers 659) hand sanitizer that doesn't smell like alcohol 660) fetty wap voice modulator app 661) a restaurant that only sells mac and cheese 662) backpacks for pets 663) peanut butter and jelly breadsticks 664) bread that's fortified with protein 665) waterproof jeans 666) transparent jackets 667) movie theater where everyone has to share a free giant bucket of popcorn 668) digital stop signs 669) baguette with fruit baked in 670) painting where the center is blank but the art is on the frame 671) soylent for pets 672) stickers you can put on your zits 673) socks that light up like a christmas tree 674) weight scale that shows you a motivational message every time you step on it 675) get paid to translate foreign text and learn a language at the same time 676) protein bars that are made of fruit (like a lara bar) 677) TVs with personality 678) jacket with gloves that you can wear or hide in the sleeves 679) vine for musicians 680) alarm clock that punches you in the face when it's time to get up 681) burrito filled with chinese food (e.g. orange chicken) 682) protein bar that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream 683) pita chips that are sour cream & onion flavored 684) savory soda 685) dessert nachos 686) waterproof baseball cap 687) shoes that tie themselves 688) post-it notes that smell good 689) colorful plastic water bottles 690) a laundry machine that you can play video games on while you're waiting 691) tissues that change color when they're used 692) headphones that massage your ears 693) turtlenecks for exercise 694) jean underwear 695) lightbulbs that change color when they need to be replaced 696) napkins that you can put in the dishwasher 697) gloves that cover your fingers but not your palms 698) vegetables that taste like fruit 699) fruit lasagna/dessert lasagna 700) all rubber wristwatch 701) protein water 702) glow in the dark whiteboards 703) febreeze bidet 704) drones that fly lunch to your office 705) backpacks that go on your front (frontpacks) 706) jackets that button up on the back 707) self buttoning/zipping jacket 708) robot pets 709) bao burger 710) dog therapist 711) pre-seasoned rice 712) rice with protein 713) dinner cereal 714) shoes for your hands 715) glow in the dark jackets 716) sunglasses for sports 717) ceiling fan that periodically sprays air freshener 718) battery powered skateboards 719) toothpaste that you can swallow 720) mouthwash that comes in ketchup packs (portable) 721) diet ice cream 722) pie made out of whipped cream 723) polyester dress shirts 724) waterproof beanie 725) socks for your ears 726) vanilla brownies (whities/honkies) 727) square water bottles 728) tinder for racists 729) doorknobs that sanitize themselves 730) headphones that double as ear muffs 731) water bottles made of glass 732) headphones made of glass 733) sunscreen bar like a soap bar 734) double sided monitor 735) chest hair comb 736) coffee cup that you drink upside down 737) keyboard that emits smells 738) gym for only fat people 739) fast food restaurant that discounts if you're fat 740) bike that charges your phone when you ride it 741) backpack that you wear on your head 742) beanie that you throw in the freezer and it cools your head 743) soundproof tent that you can take anywhere when you need some quiet 744) a book on how to write a book 745) shoes for dogs 746) glow in the dark pillows 747) pool table with hologram pool balls 748) beard wax 749) pain reliever soda 750) stress ball that talks back to you 751) subway for burritos 752) portable coffee mug that holds milk and sugar in the top 753) shoes that tie in the back 754) highlighters that are multiple colors 755) shirt with one long sleeve and one short sleeve 756) sushi with french fries in it 757) pickled fruit 758) nylon running gloves 759) edible christmas ornaments 760) headphones that turn into earbuds 761) vodka bottles shaped like water bottles 762) backpack that has no pockets 763) hat that has pockets 764) floss that doesn't cut off circulation to your fingers 765) salted fruit 766) vegetables dipped in chocolate 767) glow in the dark phone case 768) water fountains at gyms that are filled with gatorade 769) toothbrush with accelerometer that tracks your brushing habits over time 770) coffee cup that changes color depending on the temperature of the coffee 771) coffee flavored tablets that melt in your mouth for when you're in a rush 772) t-shirt made out of newspaper (print, not actual paper) 773) two sided fork 774) cell phone and wallet combination 775) app that takes 1 cent off your transactions and donates it to charity 776) jeans that zip from behind 777) zip up running shoes 778) google maps that gives you directions based on the least amount of trash and other unsightly things 779) cordless earbuds 780) lollipop that freshens your breath 781) coffee for nighttime 782) chipotle for greek food 783) edible air freshener 784) sunglasses with side mirrors 785) steel toe running shoes 786) uber for garbage men 787) a book about books 788) sharpie that smells fruity 789) burrito with mac and cheese inside 790) colored contact lenses 791) dating app where you can only go out with a person if you've gone out with one of their friends 792) pineapple that smells like pine and tastes like apple 793) phone case that's edible 794) tortilla chips that taste like burrito 795) ear coolers 796) spray bottle that has breath freshener in it 797) headphones that vibrate 798) tylenol soda 799) breakfast sushi 800) rectangular water bottle 801) trash can that compliments you when you put trash in it 802) security cameras with smiley faces on them 803) air conditioner that warms up when you say turn up the heat and vice versa 804) microwave that warms up the room (and doesn't kill everyone) 805) rain jacket that gets warmer the wetter it gets 806) an autobiography generator - then again, I guess it would be a biography 807) socks that vibrate 808) deodorant for your under-areas 809) a car horn that plays a loud annoying guitar riff 810) a barber that gives you a book of haircuts to choose instead of just saying a little off the top etc 811) a music player that changes music depending on your pulse strength, rate, etc 812) a pill that quenches your thirst 813) hair gel that doubles as cologne 814) transparent cologne stickers that you can just stick on your skin 815) grilled carrots 816) burrito with african food 817) breakfast sushi 818) lightbulb that emits smells 819) a watch that literally tells you what time it is 820) a tie that ties itself 821) cereal bowl that separates the cereal and the milk 822) two sided spoon 823) spoon with a hole in it so it filters out the milk when you're eating cereal 824) coffee cup that keeps your coffee at the perfect drinking temperature 825) rainy weather shoes that have extra traction 826) office chairs that have neck and back massagers 827) wooden doorhandle 828) mirror that only reflects certain colors 829) reflective running shoes 830) tissues that smell good 831) pita chips that have hummus inside them 832) mexican food flavored lollipops 833) advil bottle that compliments you before you take some 834) baseball hat that has a football team on it 835) tabasco for desserts 836) spicy desserts in general 837) balloon filled with air freshener 838) reflective reading glasses 839) sushi with french fries inside 840) clothing line where every piece just has the name of the piece of clothing printed on it in big white letters 841) walnut brittle 842) sandals that you can wear in the rain 843) electric drum set 844) soda that's not carbonated 845) carbonated juice 846) clear lipstick 847) t shirt that changes colors every time it's washed 848) movie theatre for couples where each couple gets a private booth 849) edible action figures 850) umbrella hat, or just a waterproof hat 851) app that checks your happiness level on a scale of 1-10 throughout the day 852) weight loss coaching from your dog 853) water bottle with motivational words on them 854) an app that lets normal people carpool with food delivery runners 855) lightbulbs that get dimmer when they're about to die 856) luggage that gets picked up at your doorstep and gets sent to your destination 857) pre-toasted bread 858) bagels without the hole 859) socks with holes in the toes 860) a sock for your head 861) hair gel that colors your hair 862) hair gel that's edible 863) edible beanie babies 864) crystal light for food 865) water glass that's shaped like a water droplet 866) soda that tastes like water 867) socks that have built in toe warmers 868) socks that are waterproof 869) hearing aids that play music 870) frisbees for cats 871) netflix for music 872) netflix for cars 873) backpack that has a tv on the front 874) umbrella that is inverted 875) car boat hybrid 876) planes for the ocean 877) hat that has a clock on the front 878) church for atheists 879) self-warming pillow 880) haircut delivery 881) someone that comes to your house every morning and makes you coffee 882) hair salons that make your hair longer instead of shorter 883) self-cooling pillow 884) a hat that massages your head 885) different colored sunflowers 886) sugary sunflower seeds 887) instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 888) instant eggnog 889) uber for parties - they bring the party to you 890) tinder for things to do on lazy sundays 891) a site that recommends a book for you based on your mood 892) a sassy calendar app 893) vegetable juice that doesn't taste like vegetable juice 894) french fries made of something other than potato 895) leather umbrella 896) online dating for pets 897) online dating for pet owners but you can only see their pet photos not pictures of themselves 898) online dating except it's not dating you just use it to find chill friends to hang out with 899) poker except the winner gets to choose who has to permanently relocate to canada 900) artisanal fast food 901) beer that comes in gallon jugs 902) laundry detergent that smells like hot chocolate 903) airplanes where you lay down instead of sit in a chair 904) backpack with no straps... it just sticks to you 905) a chatroom exclusively for people who are having a headache 906) major league baseball except all the players are drunk 907) baseball hat that covers your ears 908) police officers that carry pool noodles instead of guns 909) cereal condiments 910) v necks... but for every letter in the alphabet 911) business incubator for restaurants 912) instant tea (powder instead of bags) 913) t shirt with a hood 914) denim socks 915) boxes not made out of cardboard 916) dating site that matches you based on what time you take a shower everyday 917) bicycle helmet with a flashlight on it 918) sunflower seeds with edible shells 919) anime for grandparents 920) a hat that has wifi 921) treadmill that dispenses a donut every 5K you run 922) dessert pasta 923) hawaii for cold weather 924) licorice that tastes fruity 925) twitter for toddlers 926) sausage company that teaches you german on the packaging 927) a magazine that gives you sparknotes on all the other magazines 928) cereal for lunch and dinner 929) scented socks 930) Amazon.com except you can only purchase things from the amazon rainforest 931) instead of food being delivered to you, you are delivered to the food 932) dessert popcorn 933) dipping popcorn 934) collared exercise shirts 935) dress clothes for exercising 936) a robot that you can argue with when you're stressed out 937) party foul police 938) mini golf, regular golf, and... huge golf 939) a bar called work. So you can say you're just going to work. 940) freelance cheerleaders that you can just hire for a day to cheer you on 941) coffee flavored candy 942) coffee flavored soda 943) blockbuster for household appliances 944) office chair that compliments you 945) getting married on a airline flight 946) stylish aprons for everyday wear 947) shoes for your hands 948) kale milkshake 949) americanized french fries 950) two sided iphone 951) beer in a plastic bottle 952) pretzels with sugar instead of salt 953) carbonated coffee 954) uber for baby deliveries/midwives 955) iced tea in capri-sun packets 956) paintings by dogs 957) pillows that vibrate 958) no bake brownies 959) benches that are made specifically for sleeping on 960) concrete trees 961) wigs for dogs 962) cold cocoa 963) sneeze stopper 964) cough blocker 965) nyquil lollipops 966) paintball except with delicious edible paint 967) indoor camping 968) diet s'mores 969) vibrating headphones 970) real gnomes 971) edible coffee mugs 972) chocolate dipped graham crackers 973) gummy bear that is the size of an actual bear 974) consultants for your life 975) sweet popcorn 976) flannel that is not plaid 977) funyun seasoning 978) vegetable chips 979) vegetable rings. like onion rings but for other vegetables 980) business jacket with a hoodie 981) palm tree garnish 982) coconut cereal 983) a bakery that doesn't sell bread 984) bread clothing 985) a train that you can ride for free if you dance the whole time 986) gym on a train 987) wallet made out of money 988) vegetarian chicken and waffles 989) trump wig 990) 4 wheeled bike 991) sparknotes for movies 992) chocolate snow cone 993) chocolate covered toast 994) ice cubes made out of frozen coffee 995) indian french fusion 996) grapefruit soda 997) combination between a grape and a grapefruit 998) edible books 999) vanilla brownies 1000) vanilla candy bar 1001) goodreads for movies 1002) dating website that matches you based on music interests 1003) headphones that you can sleep with 1004) TV that you can remote control to move it up, down, etc 1005) anonymous blogging platform 1006) e-cig that doesn't create vapor 1007) a site to connect unemployed people to volunteer opportunities 1008) jacket with ventilation holes 1009) running shoes covered in tarp to make them waterproof 1010) massaging office chairs 1011) post-its that are sticky on both sides 1012) TED talks hosted by criminals 1013) ramen dessert 1014) Kanye West virtual reality simulator 1015) crunchy gum 1016) microwave except instead of heating, it cools 1017) sushi -> replace rice with noodles 1018) vegetarian gelatin 1019) pet dancing classes 1020) backpack with a built-in umbrella 1021) transparent sandals 1022) aerobed chairs 1023) tuxedo swimsuit 1024) non-animated anime 1025) coffee that makes you sleepy 1026) multi-color bananas 1027) chairs that are made to sit cross-legged on 1028) pet dancing classes 1029) elderly computer programming classes 1030) electronic blackboard 1031) finger warmers 1032) running gloves 1033) plaid pants 1034) cup-pies (as opposed to cupcakes) 1035) parking under city streets 1036) commute to work in a helicopter and avoid traffic 1037) protein gum 1038) caffeine jelly beans 1039) pens with edible ink 1040) dishwasher that burns off food instead of using water 1041) pill you can swallow that makes you feel full 1042) e-book reader that has a hardcover like a book 1043) device that projects gps directions onto your windshield 1044) fried spaghetti 1045) battered and fried vegetables to eat at sports games 1046) protein water 1047) baseball except you can tackle people 1048) a bar where everyone has to sit on the floor 1049) schoolbuses that are not yellow 1050) homeless person virtual reality simulator 1051) beaches with no ocean 1052) shampoo/body wash line that smells like candy 1053) four wheel scooter 1054) nylon baseball cap 1055) soft bite size pretzels in a bag 1056) electronic legal pad 1057) caramel peanut butter (reeses?) 1058) drones that can carry passengers 1059) shoes that dry themselves while you're running 1060) oven that heats and cools 1061) macaroni and cheese salad 1062) peanut butter and celery sandwich 1063) phone case made of rubber to resist impact damage 1064) a refrigerator that locks when it's not time to eat 1065) carbonated tea 1066) dessert lasagna 1067) soundcloud for sound effects 1068) youtube for free indie movies 1069) airbnb except guests don't pay with cash, they cook for you 1070) DJ Khaled dog toy 1071) drink glasses with built in straws 1072) vibrating pillows 1073) spill shield for cup holders in cars 1074) hydrating gummy bears for athletes 1075) wallet that smells like fruit 1076) sweet peanut butter 1077) peanut butter flavored crackers 1078) edible straws 1079) skin colored socks 1080) running socks made of polyester 1081) slippers that massage your feet 1082) mobile ice bath 1083) sunscreen that smells fruity 1084) flavored ink 1085) trees that broadcast wifi/cellular signals 1086) shoes that have foot warmers in them 1087) plaid socks 1088) gas station that sells healthy food 1089) escalator for your house 1090) bubble gum flavored gatorade 1091) gum that helps you quit marijuana 1092) recycled jeans 1093) electronic office chair for reclining/lowering/etc 1094) melatonin lollipop 1095) tea popsicles 1096) coffee flavored soda 1097) running shoes that yell motivational things while you run 1098) lightbulbs that change color depending on time of day (see f.lux) 1099) sweet and sour spaghetti sauce 1100) baked potatoes for 4/20 1101) no flex zone - a gym that does not allow flexing 1102) electric ukelele 1103) rainbow whipped cream 1104) hair gel that dissolves after 12 hours 1105) vegetable pie 1106) fruity brownies 1107) dessert burrito 1108) book club podcast 1109) antibacterial doorknobs 1110) laundry bag that neutralizes odor 1111) belt that clicks like a seatbelt 1112) christian rap music 1113) electric piano 1114) otc pain reliever patch 1115) electronic ear plugs that play white noise 1116) homeless shelter that provides sleeping pods instead of housing 1117) put vitamins in the water supply 1118) pods full of cleaning fluid that you put in the toilet basin, and they dissolve over time to clean your toilet 1119) tinted mirrors 1120) running jeans 1121) drones that deliver meals 1122) pre-toasted bread 1123) baseball hat that has the home team on the outside and away on the inside 1124) silent vacuum 1125) juice boxes filled with tea 1126) running sombrero 1127) zero calorie chips 1128) dehydrated vegetable chips 1129) electronic kaleidoscope 1130) bed that rotates 360 degrees 1131) zip up t-shirt 1132) edible floss 1133) backpack w/ velcro instead of zippers 1134) citrus licorice 1135) sweet cheetos 1136) lemon gum 1137) umbrella hat 1138) goosebumps tv show revival 1139) rice infused with vitamins 1140) zero dollar bill 1141) e-book reader made out of paper with two separate screens, like a book 1142) caffeine lollipops 1143) headphones that are shaped like ears 1144) heavy metal with pianos 1145) virtual reality LARPing 1146) programming language for animals 1147) sandals that don't have a top, they just stick to your feet 1148) rice cream sundae 1149) t shirt you can put on without messing up your hair 1150) a book about books 1151) a quiet, soundproof room in the city that costs $5/hr 1152) thing that you can strap to your lower back to support good posture 1153) air filled couch. like aerobed 1154) Here are some ideas: 1155) 1 hour emergency condoms/sextoys delivery 1156) The barber review 1157) Take me home: "bodyguard" as a service 1158) The brothels review 1159) Casting news 1160) CV Bot 1161) A raw data marketplace 1162) An e-paper programmable card 1163) Fat programmer, the videogame 1164) Follow me luggage 1165) IKEA personal shopper 1166) Let's build a website together! 1167) Lost babies tattoo (or bracelet) 1168) Luxury news for rich people 1169) Use a color to make phishing hard 1170) Holidays with no technology 1171) Survive the office: a manual 1172) Photos of secret places 1173) A predefined messages keyboard for mobile 1174) The idea number 0, the prototype for all other ideas 1175) Pay 9.99$ / month to reiceive a random vynil LP 1176) Sandwiches recipe app 1177) Shutdown app for smartphones 1178) Sideprojects cemeterey, marketplace for dead sideprojects 1179) Technology personal shopper 1180) Tourist guide on demand for travel tips 1181) An Uber for simple tech support 1182) Vegan food/restaurants/lifestyle review 1183) Your vegetables garden app 1184) Play videogames meetup platform 1185) Visual dictionary based on Google Images API 1186) We make your bed service 1187) Anxiety coach

#ideas #lists

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myerstumbluh · 8 years ago

Conversation

IDK IM A BORED CHILD

1.) applesauce or pudding?: Pudding

2.) what was your initial reaction when you first realized that your parents had to have had sex to have you?: I barfed a little…. Was- no, am, scarred…. I’ve never looked at them the same way since I was like 10.

3.) if you could create ANY mix-up or mythical animal and have it be brought to life, what would it be?: Probably like pixies or something.

4.) what kind of bread do you prefer?: cINNAMON RAISIN TOAST

5.) describe a moment that is a prominent memory, but didn't have a strong impact on your life: getting hit in the head with a baseball bat :) (it was an accident!)

6.) what is the quote/lyric that you relate to most?: I’m here and I’m queer. :)))

7.) if there was one problem/issue you could wipe off the face of the earth, what would it be?: Something along the lines of xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, sexism… etc

8.) do you think everyone in our lives serves a purpose, or are some people just there?: Everyone serves a purpose. Big or microscopic, there’s some purpose there.

9.) Favorite knock-knock/cheesy joke?: oh man… there are so many…. idkkk

10.) how do you feel about getting your picture taken?: It depends on the day, tbh

11.) most embarrassing poster you've ever owned?: Jonas Brothers

12.) what are the 3 worst movies of all time?: I feel like im not wise enough in film culture to properly answer that.

13.) when was the last time you were in a public setting and a stranger annoyed you?: All the time every time??

14.) strangest pet peeve?: When people eat their chips and salsa over the communal salsa jar. Im sorry but i, not okay with your dirty mouth germs in my salsa, thanks.

15.) what is a quirk you find cute in a significant other?: whEN SHE SCRUNCHES UP HER FACE GAH.

16.) if you could make a guest appearance in ANY show, which one would you choose?: I could be a pretty gay addition to Degrassi, honestly.

17.) who do you think is the most underrated comedian?: Hmm…. I’m not educated well enough in the land of comedians to properly answer that question. Im sorry.

18.) based on your personality, what do you think your spirit animal is?: Maybe a rabbit? Justification? Sex Drive: 100% on all the time tbh. Twitching: YUP

19.) color combination that you hate?: Brown and Green/Brown and anything, really

20.) what is your favorite childhood memory?: sTAYING UP TILL MIDNIGHT PLAYING POKEMON

21.) what cartoon character do you most resonate with?:Courage the Cowardly Dog. I’m a paranoid ball of anxiety.

22.) what game do you never lose at?: The ones that don’t exist.

23.) what does your dream home look like?: Preferably near the beach, but secluded. Not big but not small at the same time…. cOLORFUL

24.) Honestly, do you love your family, like them, dislike them, or hate them?: I LOVE MY FAMILY.

25.) pettiest argument you've ever been in?: So many… oh god, so many. Probably when a friend was being a control freak about clothes and i ended up being the bad guy when i was trying to make peace.

26.) what is the weirdest article of clothing you've ever come across?: popcorn shirts

27.) what is your favorite day of the week?: thursday/friday

28.) Do you feel offended by swear words?: nO, DO YOU FUCKING KNOW ME?

29.) Stupidest dare you've ever done?: “Take off my sock with your mouth”

30.) Did your parents ever compare you to your siblings or cousins growing up? Did that affect the way things turned out?: mY DAD COMPARE(D)(S) ME TO MY OLDER BROTHER BC HE’S GOOD AT SPORTS AND IM MORE ART-BASED. It fucked me up, mentally haha. I think it’s all a competition now :)

31.) You get to be any person in the world for a whole week. Who do you choose?: mYSELF. Jk. Idk actually. Probably like a little kid.

32.) one food you hate that should be destroyed at all costs?: beets or lima beans

33.) What is your favorite past time for each of the four seasons? Does sleeping count?

34.) what is something that will always make you laugh?: My older brother saying “pudding” in an angERY voice.

35.) what does your pet look like?: Shes a black cocka-poo (cocker spaniel/poodle) and she’s very fuzzy and her fur is v v curly and big. She’s like medium-sized and has a skinny face, but is actually pretty chubby.

36.) describe your favorite outfit.: 1- Black Tshirt, almost white jeans, yELLOW SCARF. 2- Overalls, black shirt, flannel.

37.) most annoying noise you've ever heard?: so many annoying laughs… so many

38.) at what age did you learn to drive?: mmmmm soon

39.) What is something that you own which you know you probably shouldn't?: hmmm.. idk

40.) last thing you made with your own 2 hands?: a thing for my english class

41.) Favorite time of day?: midnight

42.) Do you believe in ghosts, spirits, or any kind of afterlife?: yeah bud

43.) what sports did you do in school?: HAHAHAH SPORTS! THAT’S SO FUNNY.

44.) if you had been voted for a 'superlative' in your last yearbook (class clown, laziest, most likely to become president, etc) what would you have been voted?: I was voted best dressed and most likely to succeed. Boy, were they funny!

45.) reality show idea that you would most definitely watch on television?: Maybe like something exploring mental health of all ages and different ethnicities etc etc

46.) do you still own a landline phone?: ha no

47.) scariest storm you've ever had in your town?: we havent really… well those thanksgiving storms from like 2012 that fucked up the power. Was it 2012? With the big icicles?

48.) skill you wish you had?: tO NOT GIVE A FUCK

49.) what is something you wish you could talk more about, but don't for fear of what other people would think?: My mental stability

50.) last book you read?: Everything, Everything

51.) what does your calendar have on it?: appointments, birthdays, every 19th has a heart :)

52.) what do you do if you get stopped by a person selling something from a mall kiosk?: It depends who im with. If im with family i just sorta smile and walk away. If im with friends, ill probably stop.

53.) infomercial you're beyond tired of seeing?: all of them

54.) what was your first stuffed animal/doll's name?: Cotton Candy

55.) have you ever said something out of anger and instantly regretted it?: Yeah. got into an argument w my mom when i was like 12 and she was like “youre just like your father” and im like “id rather be like him than be like you”

56.) how do you feel about raising minimum wage?: yes

57.) how would you spend a perfect day with your best friend?: WATCH DISNEY MOVIES, DRINK TEA, AND EAT FOOD ALL DAY

58.) when was the last time you changed the oil in your car?: no

59.) did you ever have to do speech therapy?: When i was a smol tater tot bean, yes. They wanted to continue in elementary school, but my mom was like no no no

60.) something you're looking forward to in the future?: 18 more days from now ;)

0 notes

allbestnet · 8 years ago

Text

1,013 Ideas

1) anxiety coach 2) A way for software developers to donate their time to charity 3) A place for rich people to send their kids so they get humbled before they go to college 4) an actual business that you pay to go into and beat the crap out of stuff like old cars 5) Twitter, except it's anonymous, and you can share all you secrets 6) A website that you subscribe to and it sends you a personalized motivational text every morning 7) You know those photo frames that are digital? Instead of photos they can display motivational photos or quotes. 8) A website like linkedin, except a company pays you to work for them for two weeks with the option of extending to full-time. 9) An alarm clock that calls your ex if you don't get up. Or picks a random photo in your phone and sends it to your parents. 10) An aquarium desktop background. But seriously nowadays we can do better. We can improve it to make it awesome again! 11) Coffee shop where they bring the coffee and pastries to your table. No tips required 12) A heavy coat with a hawaiian shirt pattern 13) A website where you input what kind of bread you want, like banana pumpkin bread, and they custom make it and ship it to you. Then there's a voting system where the most popular breads get voted to the top and are mass produced. 14) caricatures on demand 15) In-n-out sauce mass produced and sold in grocery stores 16) A coffee shop that's just a window 17) Personal coaching should be more like... utilized 18) Soda that gets you drunk 19) A coffee shop... ON A ROOF! 20) Robot horses for Central Park. 21) An alarm clock that's actually a light that simulates the sunrise. I know they already invented that. 22) A cuff that goes on your arm and vibrates when it's time to wake up. Would be good for people who sleep with ear plugs or don't want to wake other people up. 23) Windows that let air in when they're closed. I have no idea if that could actually work. 24) Handicap parking spots have little chips in them that connect to a chip under a handicap car... if it doesn't detect a chip in the car it gives you a ticket. 25) Plants you can buy and you water them with a special water that makes them turn colors like blue. 26) Chia pet wigs. 27) All cops should have body cams by now 28) Stolen from reddit: water cups that dissolve when in contact with sugar/soda. 29) A website that takes random words from the dictionary then arranges them to make crazy ideas with the click of a button. 30) A sock washer. I always feel like the bottoms of my socks get dirty. I wish I could find a way to make them white again. 31) A cross between James Altucher's iii:am and Lynda (online programming tutorials). 32) Bookstore like workshop cafe. You go in, can read any books you want and pay by the hour. Plus comfy chairs and soothing quiet music in the background. 33) A board game designed specifically for when your power goes out. 34) Wallets made out of the fabric of old couches. Do they need to be waterproof? 35) A combination between a coffee shop and a bookstore. Also steal from that workshop cafe idea I posted earlier. 36) An amusement park that only serves super healthy food. 37) A flag that stays up even when it's not windy. 38) Blinds that are vertical so dust doesn't collect on them. 39) A VC bank for average people that have good ideas. 40) An airplane company that has live entertainment on the plane. Like Macbeth. 41) Uber for commuting. 42) A robot that walks your dogs. Or even an on demand service that walks your dogs for you. Uber for dogs. Am I doing Uber overkill here? 43) Startup houses that are run by professionals and kept clean and cheap 44) A way of sharing HBO with people that is legal 45) A really cheap service that you can use to send flowers to people. Not like a bouquet, just a single flower. Just to let them know you're thinking of them. 46) Handheld laptop bags. Because when you wear a backpack or a strapped case it makes you sweaty in hot weather. 47) Sleeping mask but for your ears. OKAY, I KNOW EARPLUGS EXIST. But there's gotta be a better way and more comfortable way of keeping the outside quiet when you're trying to sleep. 48) Glasses that act as a flashlight but don't have any glare. So you can read your book in the dark but it doesn't hurt your eyes or irritate/ wake up other people. 49) What ever happened to those ion cleaner weird air fan things? Are the ions still killing me? Do I need to buy one? 50) Crowdfunding for homeless people 51) Uber except they send people to take care of you when you're sick. Okay, that's enough Uber. 52) Headphones that don't actually play music, they just act like ear plugs that you can wear when you're sleeping. 53) A restaurant where you can taste like a little bit of every entree instead of looking at a menu, then pick the one you want to have a full meal of. 54) A fake cover for a PC that makes it look like a mac 55) An app where people walking by your house can be notified about who you are if you feel like socializing and just kind of meet strangers on the fly. It sounds unsafe but some kinks could probably be worked out 56) A whiteboard/chalkboard with no residue. IS IT POSSIBLE? 57) Soles of your shoe that are resistant to sticky substances like gum 58) A way to give your phone charge to your computer and vice versa 59) A service that cleans your shoes. Seriously, how do you clean regular shoes. I don't understand. Do you just throw them in the washer? 60) Okay, okay, the last uber one. An uber app where you can call a car to come and pick up your food and unused supplies, clothing, etc to donate them to charity. 61) A notebook that you write into that immediately digitizes your notes and sends them to your computer. 62) Something that looks like a book but can change depending on what book you program into it. Like those newspapers in Harry Potter. 63) A bar right next to a baseball/football stadium where you can down a bunch of cheap drinks before you go to the game. 64) Nutritional trail mix. Like it has vitamins and minerals in it. And electrolytes. 65) VR headset that stimulates your dreams while you sleep. 66) You know the facebook poke button? A way to do that with your professional contacts if you just want to check in with them. Well, I mean you can already do that by giving them a call or a text but like, maybe something simpler than that. 67) A way to relieve the annoyance of automated robot phone systems. 68) Cough or cold medicine with caffeine in it. 69) Dorms for software developers in San Francisco. Would make living a lot cheaper. And without the meal plans of course. 70) Alternative college that you only go to for two years but is designed to get you a serious grown up job like engineer or doctor etc 71) A communal dishwasher that makes it easier to deal with. 72) Pets for mental health relief. I mean they already made that but like, that counts as an idea. 73) Bubbles you can eat. Like you blow the bubbles, then you can put them in your mouth and they taste good. No calories either. 74) Digital paintings. 75) A kind of residue/resin you can put on wood that's started to splinter. So it will smooth it out without making the wood look crappy. 76) You know how a lot of buildings in the city have shitty ceilings? Like, linoleum for ceilings. 77) Rubber couch 78) Fire alarm that attaches to your clothes. So you can have a fire alarm even in a place that doesn't have it installed. Or maybe for your car. 79) An app that connects to your facebook and lets you anonymously give people feedback. Like, just general feedback. 80) Gag popcorn that looks like it's made out of asbestos. 81) Not really a new idea, but someone should make earmuffs popular again. 82) Neon lights for your car. 83) Sunglasses where you click a button and it blacks them out, so you can take a nap. 84) Manila folders that aren't manila colored! 85) American flag socks. Well, actually american flag anything. 86) A chair that can fit in your backpack. 87) Decorative woven cotton wire covers 88) Leather socks 89) A way to efficiently access your computer through your phone. Like kind of like Teamviewer, except it would be optimized so there would be no issues using a touch screen instead of clicking. 90) Something as small as a credit card that you can stick in your wallet but it charges your phone. Like it just gives you maybe 20% but it's for emergencies and you would always carry it with you. 91) Company recruiting service that lets you spend a whole work day with an employee instead of interviewing etc. 92) Electronic whiteboard 93) Toe covers that protect your toes from getting blisters. 94) A service that you can use to pay people (any people) to answer questions. Like if I wanted to ask what it was like to work at Google, I could pay a Google employee through their website and they would answer any of my questions. 95) Hand sanitizer dispensers in subways 96) Something that you spray on your feet at the end of the day that makes them not smell. 97) A coffee shop that charges a monthly fee and you can stop by whenever to grab coffee. Most likely it would be on an honor system where you would only go a max of two times per day. God knows how many times some people would go to get unlimited coffee. 98) A service like thinkful or hack hands where engineers give advice to amateur engineers. Except this service would be like hack hands except for foreign language students to ask questions of native speakers or language teachers. 99) Eraseable sharpie 100) An app that grabs every contact from every social network and compiles them into like a universal contact book. Because right now in the apple contact app you have to like manually put everything in. Even if you integrate facebook sometimes it can make it all messed up and ugly. 101) Cup holders made of sandpaper 102) Skin colored tiny band aids that you put on your face to stop yourself from picking zits 103) Cologne that doubles as a bug repellant 104) Eye contacts that have instagram filters 105) Shirts that change color depending on the temperature 106) Shirts that change color when they get wet. Maybe not great if you're sweating. Or maybe awesome? 107) Holographic home decorations so you don't have to buy a ton of shit from Crate & Barrel or Pier Imports or whatever 108) Headphones that are inside a beanie 109) Gloves that make your hands stick to a wall and you can climb them like a spider. Defective ones would probably make people die though... 110) Vertical ironing board 111) Coffee pills that you put in regular water and it magically turns to coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 112) Upside down showers 113) Shoes that you put on and they automagically massage your feet. 114) A site where you put in your desired salary and your employer puts in their desired salary for you and the site does the negotiating for you! 115) Apple should make computers with different fruits on them. 116) A backpack that goes on your front. A frontpack. I guess they already do that though for tourists in countries where people like to steal stuff out of your backpack. 117) Bring fanny packs back! 118) Flexible water bottles. Like made out of... rubber or something. So they don't make a lot of noise 119) Pumpkins that you can carve but they don't rot. GMO?? 120) Soundproof bathrooms 121) A visual representation of a github repo over time 122) Mosquito repellant cologne. Wait, did I already do that? Oops. Still counts this time. 123) Mosquito repellant breath mints 124) Detergent gel 125) Chairs that recline so you can lay down 126) A device that lets you lie down in supine position and still type on your computer or read a book or whatever 127) An iphone case that holds gum 128) Liquid nitrogen for mosquito bites to make them not itch. Not sure if that's dangerous. Lots of dangerous ideas today. 129) Sharpie that you can spray 130) Refrigerator stickers for your car 131) Reusable tissues 132) Solar panels for the moon 133) Underwater solar panels in the ocean 134) CSI video game 135) IRC app for iphone/android 136) modern version of usenet 137) chapstick for your elbows 138) automatic head scratcher machine 139) a better way of washing clothes than washing machine and dryer. like a steamer or something 140) sunglasses with shutter lenses 141) anti acid reflux soda 142) garbage collecting drones 143) garbage collecting rc cars 144) rc cars that adults can ride on. remember those hummers they made for kids? 145) A clock with like six hands that has three different time zones 146) bean bags literally filled with beans 147) one of those sleeping cds filled with passing car sounds at night 148) A way to transfer charge between your phone and your laptop 149) A book that has two books, like on every left page is one book and every right page is the other 150) soylent that doesnt taste like crushed oatmeal shake 151) keyboards that are shaped to fit in your lap 152) headphones that are made of rubber 153) a personal blog directory that you can easily browse through 154) blockbuster for books. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM A LIBRARY in that they carry the most recent and popular titles, and that is why you pay to rent them out. or unlimited for a monthly fee like netflix 155) a less acidic version of coffee. like odulles for coffee. 156) an app that you give your location, then it matches you with the nearest, cheapest, highest quality doctor for your specific case. it takes the hassle out of scheduling doctor appointments, especially in new cities etc 157) khan academy for art 158) computer monitors that look like the kindle screens 159) electronic whiteboards 160) cigs/cigars that make colorful smoke. Probably could also work for e-cigs 161) an automatic machine that thinks of ideas for you 162) cruise ships for people that are almost dead 163) i hate zits 164) Furniture rental 165) electric mop 166) biking shoes that light up 167) powdered sugar lollipops 168) sweatshirt for your legs 169) shoes that float 170) subways should have hand sanitizer dispensers 171) blogging website where you dictate your blog post and it will convert it to text for you 172) caffeine injections 173) mouses for tablets - I think the correct word is mice, the electronic ones 174) wood shoes 175) back pocket on your sweatshirt that holds a laptop like a kangaroo pouch 176) aluminum shirts 177) a sound monitor for your house that lets you know if someone broke in 178) concerts on twitch.tv 179) flip flops with covers just so you don't get the wind chill on your toes. like slippers but they can be taken seriously 180) pets for your pets 181) some pill that reduces the effect of caffeine 182) slippers that vibrate and heat up 183) socks that change color depending on the temperature 184) airbnb except the host also gives you a tour around their city. would prob cost a lot more 185) sheets that stick to your clothes so they never come off at night 186) pillows that clean themselves 187) doors not made of wood 188) sweatshirts that have optional gloves. like theyre attached but theres a way of hiding them if you don't want to wear them 189) keyboards made of wood 190) wireless earbuds for when you run 191) Backpack that has an umbrella attached to the top so it protects you from the sun and rain 192) gum that is made to be swallowed 193) Clothes dyeing service or better yet, a free service by fashion students to spice up your old clothes 194) ipads with screens that you can write on with expo markers 195) transparent shoes 196) hollow lightbulbs 197) gum that doesn't stick to stuff so students can't stick it under their desk or on the bus 198) books sold with a pair of ear plugs 199) shoes that double as vacuum cleaners. or swiffers 200) jeans with built in suspenders that go under your shirt 201) robot cats 202) a real pumpkin filled with the ingredients you need to make pumpkin pie 203) fruity coffee 204) chocolate covered coffee beans 205) coffee covered chocolate beans 206) glove dispensers on the muni 207) inside out bagels 208) knife except the end is blunt so you can't stab anyone with it 209) uber for laundry 210) coffee based on alcoholic drinks 211) vacuum sealed fruits 212) rubber wrist watch 213) keyboards made of the lava lamp stuff 214) tie dye shoes 215) tie dye hats 216) subway sandwiches that look like a subway car 217) books that stay open 218) built in stand in laptop 219) rolling beanbag 220) edible fake money 221) flavored musical instruments 222) a clothing store where you pay a monthly fee and you can wear whatever they have 223) mesh socks 224) mesh beanie. wait, isn't that a hairnet? 225) roll on cologne 226) a running shoe/dress shoe hybrid 227) shoes coated in teflon 228) luggage that has that hole thing in it that you attach your vacuum to and it vacuum seals it 229) earbuds covered in velvet 230) water guns that shoot glow in the dark water 231) pumpkin pie that is shaped like a pumpkin 232) beard shampoo 233) sweatpants that hide your sweat like dri fit 234) running shoes for adults that light up. would be esp good for night running 235) exercise classes specifically for programmers 236) a refrigerator backpack 237) a bandaid designed specifically for paper cuts to make them hurt less 238) a website where you make a post about yourself and other people decide what the best career for you is 239) a website where you can web chat with a lawyer for a flat rate 240) colorful cola 241) sweatshirts with hoodies that have headphones in them. but you can remove them when you need to wash them 242) spandex sweatshirts 243) inflatable shoes 244) backpacks that have built in phone chargers 245) cough syrup except it's not for a cough its for a headache. so headache syrup 246) an online record player 247) virtual reality basketball 248) chairs that you can sit sideways in 249) robot that automatically cuts your hair 250) something safer than q tips for cleaning ears 251) insider guides for tourists to feel like a native 252) mental hospitals designed specifically for homeless people 253) carpet for ceilings and walls 254) 10c surcharge for disposable cups at starbucks 255) an app that shows where the homeless people are in san francisco 256) an app that shows in real time where the densest traffic is in the city 257) speakers in shoes 258) jeans that are khaki colored 259) gum that biodegrades quickly 260) glass coffee cups 261) an app that translates a TOS (terms of service) into plain english 262) A vodka or champagne bottle that looks like a fire extinguisher 263) headphones inside a bicycle or motorcycle helmet 264) biodegradable diapers 265) shoes with gold bottoms 266) polyester socks 267) automatic hair braider machine 268) automatic condom making machine 269) digital whistle 270) rubber headphone covers so they don't fall out of your ears 271) cronuts that don't taste like shit 272) fetty wap voice modulizer app 273) books made out of edible paper 274) water cups that have fake holes in them 275) jeans that have a bunch of jeans on them. like a decorative pattern so they're like jean jeans 276) jeans that say billy. billy jeans 277) coffee popsicles 278) walnut milk 279) coconut pizza 280) stickers that you put on your nails instead of nail polish 281) Portable microwave 282) Illegal immigrants are granted citizenship after working and paying taxes for a period of time 283) Camera in your shoe 284) Digital paintings 285) Shirts that have paintings on them by freelance artists. Like a site sells them from different artists for a reasonable price. 286) Flying trash can drones 287) A service that comes to your house for like $5 and gets rid of all the things you don't want 288) Uber for cleaning ladies 289) Painting on a large flat rock that you can put on your wall 290) A watch made out of glass. Or something that looks similar to glass but doesn't break as easily. 291) an app called payback where you pay people to get your revenge. like, in a civil way 292) James brown soundboard or voicemail message generator 293) tripod for your phone 294) remote karate lessons via webcam 295) a millisecond timer 296) a reverse doorknob 297) you know those things that you crack and they warm up? use that stuff to warm your food 298) hair gel for places other than your head 299) an app that delivers a party to you! 300) online flannel shirt generator 301) rimshot app or a website where you click a button to make a rimshot 302) an app where you say a catchphrase and it tells you where its from 303) instead of those mug huggers that keep you from burning your hand on your coffee use a recycled sock 304) an app that plays ocean sounds until it detects you've gone to sleep then it turns off your phone 305) hot iced tea 306) snapple made out of apples 307) hollowed out fruits as drink cups 308) edible plates 309) edible napkins 310) vegetable cookies 311) send a letter to someone famous and ask their advice 312) pizza with the toppings under the cheese 313) pizza with toppings in the crust 314) post-its that are sticky on both sides 315) airbnb for office space 316) sweatshirts that zip up on the back 317) shoes that you zip instead of tie 318) bubble gum flavored mints 319) aa batteries that you can plug in 320) flip flops made of recycled shoes 321) carbonated water infused with fruit juice 322) edible post it notes 323) service that intentionally paints your car like a taxi 324) cardboard clothes for homeless people (cardboard couture?) 325) candles that smell like good food 326) food that smells like candles 327) coffee slurpee 328) shoes made out of recycled corn husks 329) popcorn except it's made out of something else that pops... 330) a device that attaches to your waist and holds a book in front of your face so you don't have to strain your neck 331) tea pods that you drop in hot water instead of tea bags. they dissolve so you don't have to try to fish out the tea bag and throw it away 332) carbonated spirits 333) elastic belts 334) GMO potatoes that taste like a seasoned baked potato 335) popsicles that look like politicians 336) an apartment complex specifically designed for community living. like campus, except not a failed startup. improve on whatever made them fail - it looks like aiming for the high end market was an issue 337) champagne flavored orange juice. except it's non alcoholic like odulles and super cheap. so you can start every morning feeling like the 1% 338) orange flavored latte 339) pumpkin flavored ice cream 340) banana soda 341) bahn mi grilled cheese 342) Water bottles made of rubber 343) College designed for one specific job 344) job sponsored toastmasters 345) Refugee island 346) Shrink wrap for food 347) Busses for rich people 348) Scented tissues 349) Battery powered skateboards 350) Paper shoes 351) water balloons filled with cleaning liquid so cleaning your house is more fun 352) Fantasy football except it generates fake footage of all your players together 353) trash cans that have a pipe at the bottom automatically sending everything to a reservoir 354) coffee delivery service 355) ice cream delivery service 356) ice cream with coffee bean chunks in it 357) ice cubes made of coffee 358) An internship that takes place in a new country every month 359) A calculator that understands plain english (voice) 360) coffee flavored bubble gum 361) legal pads that have a different color for every page 362) carbonated ice cubes 363) carbonated ice cream 364) sprite float 365) mesh sunglasses cover 366) coffee straws 367) aluminum sunglass frames 368) washing machine that depills clothes 369) jean short shorts 370) jean hat 371) shortbread shaped like shorts 372) a cafe designed for business meetings and catching up with friends, so like it's soundproofed maybe? 373) a service that connects dogs that need to be walked with obese people who need to walk 374) rainbow taxis 375) rainbow hair dye 376) incense deodorant/cologne 377) sweatpants that look like jeans 378) an apartment complex with a subsidized grocery store built into it 379) you know how they have food co-ops? how about a school/education co-op. 380) an island for homeless people 381) air freshener that fits in your pocket 382) uber designed to take you from public transport destination straight to your doorstop for pennies 383) chairs that you buy at the store and can easily decorate them yourself 384) a service where if you're having a bad day you can borrow a shelter dog 385) microwaveable raw pasta 386) pasta sauce with 24k gold flakes in it 387) heels that have invisible filling so it doesn't feel like you're walking in heels 388) startup pitch generator website 389) a service where you pay someone to go to a conference then pretends to be you and networks with people 390) coffee with vitamins 391) news articles on water bottles 392) digital posters 393) a frame on your wall that uploads the front page of new york times every morning 394) orange socks 395) socks that smell like oranges 396) mugs with built in straws 397) an alarm that rings a few times a day reminding you what your priorities are 398) frappucino without sugar and maybe add protein 399) protein water 400) edible newspaper 401) brown paper bags that aren't brown 402) spaghetti made of bread 403) baked ice cream 404) public cubbies in the city 405) bike stealer vigilante service 406) ceiling fans that spin vertically 407) gyms that pay you to go 408) windows that clean themselves 409) skateboards that run on gasoline 410) adopt a rapper program 411) a gym that gives you a monthly discount based on your bmi 412) aluminum foil pants 413) night vision goggles for truck drivers 414) an app that explains all the currently trending hashtags on twitter 415) flowers that grow in reverse 416) suits made out of nike dri-fit 417) shoes designed to be put in the washing machine without breaking their form 418) take out boxes made out of thick rice paper 419) milkshakes with artificial sweetener 420) in honor of 420 - marijuana milkshakes 421) coffee mugs that are made out of recycled coffee plants 422) a backscratching blanket that you can lay on 423) peanuts that taste like other nuts 424) alcoholic protein shakes 425) a curvy iphone called a jphone 426) odulles for vodka 427) peanut butter jelly quesadilla 428) GMO apples with caramel flavor in it 429) the talking trout thing that you can attach to the front of your car 430) Indian sushi 431) a service where you talk to someone on the phone about your job goals and life and they make a resume for you in less than 30 minutes. 432) a restaurant where they give you the recipe for whatever you order when you're done eating 433) chair that sits on a roomba so it can drive you around 434) free weight loss program where they send you to the desert and you have to find your way back 435) every guy spends a significant amount of their life shaving. we need shave consultants to make shaving as pleasant of an experience as possible 436) shoes that have tv screens on them 437) sugar-ed pretzels 438) head wax for balding people 439) beard donation for the less fortunate 440) concrete rings 441) carbonated milk 442) root beer ice cream 443) talking trash cans that compliment you when you put something in it 444) neck warmers for giraffes 445) whiteboards that are black 446) books made of kelp 447) a phone and wallet hybrid 448) gum flavored food 449) food flavored gum 450) elevators that have quick exercise machines in them 451) peanuts with extra protein 452) chocolate covered peanuts 453) peanut reeses 454) beard softener cream 455) coconut covered almonds 456) running shoes that are covered in reflective material 457) socks that are covered in reflective material 458) chewing gum that has vitamins or caffeine in it 459) hats with reflective tape on them 460) whiteboard markers that smell like fruit 461) crowdsourced maps that says where people go the most often or fav places 462) carbonated coffee 463) bars that have a section for underage people where they have odulles 464) a starbucks inside a starbucks 465) iphones that run android 466) cars that have glow in the dark wheels 467) concrete shoes 468) spotify for movies 469) uber for haircuts 470) diet chocolate 471) savory soda 472) shower that heats up the rest of the room so when you get out you're still warm 473) warm floor tiles 474) vegan fried chicken 475) nair branded for mens faces 476) shoes that are made to last a lifetime 477) ipads for mute people to help them talk 478) t shirts with turtle necks 479) chewing gum that has an appetite suppressant 480) home milkshake maker 481) sock dryer for when it rains and you get wet socks 482) hydrophobic socks 483) spicy pancakes, maybe pumpkin 484) reeses lollipops 485) chewy gummy lollipops 486) virtual job interview service 487) a fancy pants restaurant that only serves breakfast 488) a service where you switch jobs with someone in the same industry across the world for 3 months 489) waterproof running shoes 490) disposable umbrellas 491) tinder for food 492) app to post ideas that drunk people have 493) an app that connects drunk or high people with enterpreneurs to give them ideas 494) live stream karaoke 495) free boats for homeless people 496) yelp for barbers 497) live streaming for drunk people 498) tinder for biceps 499) uber for coffee 500) bring back the dinosaurs 501) messaging for github 502) popsicle delivery on a hot day. like it's a government funded charity to make the city happy 503) github AI detector to automatically solve merge issues 504) a chrome extension that adds a chatroom to every page on the internet 505) a website that you put a bunch of ideas into and it tells you objectively the best idea 506) a website where drunk people can entertain people for money 507) a phone cover that changes color depending on heat 508) a mood ring that tightens whenever you get angry 509) an anonymous essay writing platform 510) twitter for poetry 511) locks for your bagel bags to stop bagel thieves 512) anonymous polling service for college lectures 513) a cover for your phone that displays the date and time on the back 514) uber for homeless people 515) airbnb for pets 516) blogging platform for kids 517) cookies with fruit in them 518) fruitcake for the whole year round 519) brownie lollipops like cake pops 520) interactive vim tutorial in browser 521) free programming classes at libraries 522) vegetable flavored candy 523) grape on a stick 524) liquid graphite pens 525) cameras in your home that determine your pet's mood when you leave 526) a city where cars drive above ground but all the sidewalks are below ground 527) a blog platform specifically made for people trying to lose weight 528) an IDE that has real time chat with team members or people who are working on similar projects 529) a reality show that puts a bunch of drug using rock stars in a convent 530) instagram for programmers 531) aws tutorial for total beginners 532) justin bieber website that shows the progression of his music over time 533) blogs that you can only view if you're near the location they were posted 534) charity that gives domain names to promising web developers in 3rd world countries 535) service that hooks up a college freshman with a senior for a whole year and helps them get adjusted 536) beer that has protein 537) beer that gets you drunk but only on friday and saturday nights 538) tinder for homeless people 539) concert livestreams 540) tour bus livestreams for musicians (possibly on twitch.tv) 541) community lounge sponsored by cities (i.e. taxpayer money) 542) a school where you study in a different country for every semester 543) social workers that live in the projects 544) art gallery for kids under 5 years old 545) an app where you let other people listen to whatever you are listening to within a 1 mi radius 546) a dating website that matches you based on things you hate 547) a robot car that picks you up from an airport in a foreign city and generates a list of touristy things to do then takes you to each one 548) High heels with rubber heels 549) pool with a glass bottom on the second floor of a house 550) electronic pool table where everything is virtual 551) neck pad to prevent neck pain while using the computer 552) neck warmer that is literally a cat 553) justin bieber action figure 554) bill cosby pudding pops (not sure if they will sell very good now) 555) messaging platform for github 556) hacker news chatroom 557) a website that calculates how long until you die / how long you've been alive 558) league of legends in real life 559) headphones that are 100% biodegradable 560) gum that tastes like italian food 561) earplugs that are sticky so they stay in your ear 562) website that integrates with facebook and makes a graph visualization with your social network 563) watch that vibrates depending on your mood 564) food that freshens your breath after you're finished eating it 565) watch that tells you it's time to get a watch 566) rainbow deodorant 567) deodorant that smells like food 568) edible highlighter 569) TAs for your life 570) shoes that are gum resistant 571) glasses that track your eye movements all day 572) wireless computer charger 573) jacket made out of a blanket 574) computer chair that supports your neck 575) tylenol that has ambien in it 576) fig newton without figs 577) animated curtains 578) air conditioner that puts fresh smells in the air 579) headphones with a cup holder 580) professional quote maker manual 581) gum that doesn't stick to surfaces like under desk, sidewalks, etc. 582) holographic newspaper ads 583) bring back the pet rock 584) healthy jamba juice. Like Suja but made fresh and cheaper. 585) fruit flavored cola 586) savory soda 587) nylon jackets that don't make crinkly noises 588) computer that tracks your face and automatically tilts the screen to reduce neck strain 589) wallet made out of carpet 590) waterproof carpet 591) watch that can switch between analog and digital 592) jeans made out of cashmere 593) lotion for your hair 594) sponges that are infused with soap 595) jackets that keep you cold instead of hot 596) hot ice cubes. like not made of ice but it keeps your drink hot 597) book that tells a different story if you start reading from the back 598) alarm clock that yells at you instead of ringing 599) blog website for pets 600) lollipops that contain vitamins - for kids 601) apple watch that detects your mood when running and plays music accordingly 602) athletic shoes that automatically cool off your feet 603) waterproof socks 604) reflective socks 605) antibacterial tissues 606) salsa for foods that are not mexican 607) water bottle that is compostable 608) rent a shelter dog service 609) sunglasses that absorb sunlight and converts it to energy 610) sunglasses that change color depending on the intensity of light 611) eraser that whitens after it erases 612) community office space paid for by the city 613) free coffee for monthly muni/bart pass holders 614) flash drive that also can project images 615) electronic water bottle that cools down its contents 616) iphone case that turns red when your phone is overheating 617) magazine about magazines 618) headphones combined with earmuffs 619) beanie that keeps your head cool but blocks noise, mainly for use while you sleep maybe you can pull it over your eyes too to block out light 620) hair salon that gives you a surprise haircut every time 621) tie dye water glasses 622) water bottles with text that changes color indicating temperature 623) pencil eraser that makes your paper smell good 624) thot radar 625) headphones that amplify noise outside them 626) office chairs with seat warmers 627) office chairs with seat coolers 628) windbreaker that doesn't make crinkly noises 629) shower phone 630) a combination between wine and beer 631) spaghetti sauce with vitamins 632) digital magic 8 ball 633) electric bicycle 634) book where each chapter is a shortened version of a classic book 635) app to find the nearest public toilet 636) app to find where really nice cars are driving around 637) tv channel that just has audiobooks on 24/7 638) flavored rain 639) pumpkin spice almonds 640) blogging platform for charities 641) portable vinyl player 642) jacket made of hair 643) bus that has a bar in it 644) kindle that has the texture of a book cover 645) stickers that light up 646) beanie with a built in heater 647) breadsticks with marinara sauce inside them 648) inside out pizza 649) jean socks 650) exit signs that have built in fire & carbon monoxide detectors 651) a boat inside a boat 652) office chairs that massage your back while you work 653) sharpies that aren't permanent 654) public trash cans that automatically compact themselves 655) licorice flavored lollipop 656) savory churro 657) a guide to saving money written by a gangster 658) permanent expo markers 659) hand sanitizer that doesn't smell like alcohol 660) fetty wap voice modulator app 661) a restaurant that only sells mac and cheese 662) backpacks for pets 663) peanut butter and jelly breadsticks 664) bread that's fortified with protein 665) waterproof jeans 666) transparent jackets 667) movie theater where everyone has to share a free giant bucket of popcorn 668) digital stop signs 669) baguette with fruit baked in 670) painting where the center is blank but the art is on the frame 671) soylent for pets 672) stickers you can put on your zits 673) socks that light up like a christmas tree 674) weight scale that shows you a motivational message every time you step on it 675) get paid to translate foreign text and learn a language at the same time 676) protein bars that are made of fruit (like a lara bar) 677) TVs with personality 678) jacket with gloves that you can wear or hide in the sleeves 679) vine for musicians 680) alarm clock that punches you in the face when it's time to get up 681) burrito filled with chinese food (e.g. orange chicken) 682) protein bar that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream 683) pita chips that are sour cream & onion flavored 684) savory soda 685) dessert nachos 686) waterproof baseball cap 687) shoes that tie themselves 688) post-it notes that smell good 689) colorful plastic water bottles 690) a laundry machine that you can play video games on while you're waiting 691) tissues that change color when they're used 692) headphones that massage your ears 693) turtlenecks for exercise 694) jean underwear 695) lightbulbs that change color when they need to be replaced 696) napkins that you can put in the dishwasher 697) gloves that cover your fingers but not your palms 698) vegetables that taste like fruit 699) fruit lasagna/dessert lasagna 700) all rubber wristwatch 701) protein water 702) glow in the dark whiteboards 703) febreeze bidet 704) drones that fly lunch to your office 705) backpacks that go on your front (frontpacks) 706) jackets that button up on the back 707) self buttoning/zipping jacket 708) robot pets 709) bao burger 710) dog therapist 711) pre-seasoned rice 712) rice with protein 713) dinner cereal 714) shoes for your hands 715) glow in the dark jackets 716) sunglasses for sports 717) ceiling fan that periodically sprays air freshener 718) battery powered skateboards 719) toothpaste that you can swallow 720) mouthwash that comes in ketchup packs (portable) 721) diet ice cream 722) pie made out of whipped cream 723) polyester dress shirts 724) waterproof beanie 725) socks for your ears 726) vanilla brownies (whities/honkies) 727) square water bottles 728) tinder for racists 729) doorknobs that sanitize themselves 730) headphones that double as ear muffs 731) water bottles made of glass 732) headphones made of glass 733) sunscreen bar like a soap bar 734) double sided monitor 735) chest hair comb 736) coffee cup that you drink upside down 737) keyboard that emits smells 738) gym for only fat people 739) fast food restaurant that discounts if you're fat 740) bike that charges your phone when you ride it 741) backpack that you wear on your head 742) beanie that you throw in the freezer and it cools your head 743) soundproof tent that you can take anywhere when you need some quiet 744) a book on how to write a book 745) shoes for dogs 746) glow in the dark pillows 747) pool table with hologram pool balls 748) beard wax 749) pain reliever soda 750) stress ball that talks back to you 751) subway for burritos 752) portable coffee mug that holds milk and sugar in the top 753) shoes that tie in the back 754) highlighters that are multiple colors 755) shirt with one long sleeve and one short sleeve 756) sushi with french fries in it 757) pickled fruit 758) nylon running gloves 759) edible christmas ornaments 760) headphones that turn into earbuds 761) vodka bottles shaped like water bottles 762) backpack that has no pockets 763) hat that has pockets 764) floss that doesn't cut off circulation to your fingers 765) salted fruit 766) vegetables dipped in chocolate 767) glow in the dark phone case 768) water fountains at gyms that are filled with gatorade 769) toothbrush with accelerometer that tracks your brushing habits over time 770) coffee cup that changes color depending on the temperature of the coffee 771) coffee flavored tablets that melt in your mouth for when you're in a rush 772) t-shirt made out of newspaper (print, not actual paper) 773) two sided fork 774) cell phone and wallet combination 775) app that takes 1 cent off your transactions and donates it to charity 776) jeans that zip from behind 777) zip up running shoes 778) google maps that gives you directions based on the least amount of trash and other unsightly things 779) cordless earbuds 780) lollipop that freshens your breath 781) coffee for nighttime 782) chipotle for greek food 783) edible air freshener 784) sunglasses with side mirrors 785) steel toe running shoes 786) uber for garbage men 787) a book about books 788) sharpie that smells fruity 789) burrito with mac and cheese inside 790) colored contact lenses 791) dating app where you can only go out with a person if you've gone out with one of their friends 792) pineapple that smells like pine and tastes like apple 793) phone case that's edible 794) tortilla chips that taste like burrito 795) ear coolers 796) spray bottle that has breath freshener in it 797) headphones that vibrate 798) tylenol soda 799) breakfast sushi 800) rectangular water bottle 801) trash can that compliments you when you put trash in it 802) security cameras with smiley faces on them 803) air conditioner that warms up when you say turn up the heat and vice versa 804) microwave that warms up the room (and doesn't kill everyone) 805) rain jacket that gets warmer the wetter it gets 806) an autobiography generator - then again, I guess it would be a biography 807) socks that vibrate 808) deodorant for your under-areas 809) a car horn that plays a loud annoying guitar riff 810) a barber that gives you a book of haircuts to choose instead of just saying a little off the top etc 811) a music player that changes music depending on your pulse strength, rate, etc 812) a pill that quenches your thirst 813) hair gel that doubles as cologne 814) transparent cologne stickers that you can just stick on your skin 815) grilled carrots 816) burrito with african food 817) breakfast sushi 818) lightbulb that emits smells 819) a watch that literally tells you what time it is 820) a tie that ties itself 821) cereal bowl that separates the cereal and the milk 822) two sided spoon 823) spoon with a hole in it so it filters out the milk when you're eating cereal 824) coffee cup that keeps your coffee at the perfect drinking temperature 825) rainy weather shoes that have extra traction 826) office chairs that have neck and back massagers 827) wooden doorhandle 828) mirror that only reflects certain colors 829) reflective running shoes 830) tissues that smell good 831) pita chips that have hummus inside them 832) mexican food flavored lollipops 833) advil bottle that compliments you before you take some 834) baseball hat that has a football team on it 835) tabasco for desserts 836) spicy desserts in general 837) balloon filled with air freshener 838) reflective reading glasses 839) sushi with french fries inside 840) clothing line where every piece just has the name of the piece of clothing printed on it in big white letters 841) walnut brittle 842) sandals that you can wear in the rain 843) electric drum set 844) soda that's not carbonated 845) carbonated juice 846) clear lipstick 847) t shirt that changes colors every time it's washed 848) movie theatre for couples where each couple gets a private booth 849) edible action figures 850) umbrella hat, or just a waterproof hat 851) app that checks your happiness level on a scale of 1-10 throughout the day 852) weight loss coaching from your dog 853) water bottle with motivational words on them 854) an app that lets normal people carpool with food delivery runners 855) lightbulbs that get dimmer when they're about to die 856) luggage that gets picked up at your doorstep and gets sent to your destination 857) pre-toasted bread 858) bagels without the hole 859) socks with holes in the toes 860) a sock for your head 861) hair gel that colors your hair 862) hair gel that's edible 863) edible beanie babies 864) crystal light for food 865) water glass that's shaped like a water droplet 866) soda that tastes like water 867) socks that have built in toe warmers 868) socks that are waterproof 869) hearing aids that play music 870) frisbees for cats 871) netflix for music 872) netflix for cars 873) backpack that has a tv on the front 874) umbrella that is inverted 875) car boat hybrid 876) planes for the ocean 877) hat that has a clock on the front 878) church for atheists 879) self-warming pillow 880) haircut delivery 881) someone that comes to your house every morning and makes you coffee 882) hair salons that make your hair longer instead of shorter 883) self-cooling pillow 884) a hat that massages your head 885) different colored sunflowers 886) sugary sunflower seeds 887) instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt 888) instant eggnog 889) uber for parties - they bring the party to you 890) tinder for things to do on lazy sundays 891) a site that recommends a book for you based on your mood 892) a sassy calendar app 893) vegetable juice that doesn't taste like vegetable juice 894) french fries made of something other than potato 895) leather umbrella 896) online dating for pets 897) online dating for pet owners but you can only see their pet photos not pictures of themselves 898) online dating except it's not dating you just use it to find chill friends to hang out with 899) poker except the winner gets to choose who has to permanently relocate to canada 900) artisanal fast food 901) beer that comes in gallon jugs 902) laundry detergent that smells like hot chocolate 903) airplanes where you lay down instead of sit in a chair 904) backpack with no straps... it just sticks to you 905) a chatroom exclusively for people who are having a headache 906) major league baseball except all the players are drunk 907) baseball hat that covers your ears 908) police officers that carry pool noodles instead of guns 909) cereal condiments 910) v necks... but for every letter in the alphabet 911) business incubator for restaurants 912) instant tea (powder instead of bags) 913) t shirt with a hood 914) denim socks 915) boxes not made out of cardboard 916) dating site that matches you based on what time you take a shower everyday 917) bicycle helmet with a flashlight on it 918) sunflower seeds with edible shells 919) anime for grandparents 920) a hat that has wifi 921) treadmill that dispenses a donut every 5K you run 922) dessert pasta 923) hawaii for cold weather 924) licorice that tastes fruity 925) twitter for toddlers 926) sausage company that teaches you german on the packaging 927) a magazine that gives you sparknotes on all the other magazines 928) cereal for lunch and dinner 929) scented socks 930) Amazon.com except you can only purchase things from the amazon rainforest 931) instead of food being delivered to you, you are delivered to the food 932) dessert popcorn 933) dipping popcorn 934) collared exercise shirts 935) dress clothes for exercising 936) a robot that you can argue with when you're stressed out 937) party foul police 938) mini golf, regular golf, and... huge golf 939) a bar called work. So you can say you're just going to work. 940) freelance cheerleaders that you can just hire for a day to cheer you on 941) coffee flavored candy 942) coffee flavored soda 943) blockbuster for household appliances 944) office chair that compliments you 945) getting married on a airline flight 946) stylish aprons for everyday wear 947) shoes for your hands 948) kale milkshake 949) americanized french fries 950) two sided iphone 951) beer in a plastic bottle 952) pretzels with sugar instead of salt 953) carbonated coffee 954) uber for baby deliveries/midwives 955) iced tea in capri-sun packets 956) paintings by dogs 957) pillows that vibrate 958) no bake brownies 959) benches that are made specifically for sleeping on 960) concrete trees 961) wigs for dogs 962) cold cocoa 963) sneeze stopper 964) cough blocker 965) nyquil lollipops 966) paintball except with delicious edible paint 967) indoor camping 968) diet s'mores 969) vibrating headphones 970) real gnomes 971) edible coffee mugs 972) chocolate dipped graham crackers 973) gummy bear that is the size of an actual bear 974) consultants for your life 975) sweet popcorn 976) flannel that is not plaid 977) funyun seasoning 978) vegetable chips 979) vegetable rings. like onion rings but for other vegetables 980) business jacket with a hoodie 981) palm tree garnish 982) coconut cereal 983) a bakery that doesn't sell bread 984) bread clothing 985) a train that you can ride for free if you dance the whole time 986) gym on a train 987) wallet made out of money 988) vegetarian chicken and waffles 989) trump wig 990) 4 wheeled bike 991) sparknotes for movies 992) chocolate snow cone 993) chocolate covered toast 994) ice cubes made out of frozen coffee 995) indian french fusion 996) grapefruit soda 997) combination between a grape and a grapefruit 998) edible books 999) vanilla brownies 1000) vanilla candy bar 1001) goodreads for movies 1002) dating website that matches you based on music interests 1003) headphones that you can sleep with 1004) TV that you can remote control to move it up, down, etc 1005) anonymous blogging platform 1006) e-cig that doesn't create vapor 1007) a site to connect unemployed people to volunteer opportunities 1008) jacket with ventilation holes 1009) running shoes covered in tarp to make them waterproof 1010) massaging office chairs 1011) post-its that are sticky on both sides 1012) TED talks hosted by criminals 1013) ramen dessert 1014) Kanye West virtual reality simulator 1015) crunchy gum 1016) microwave except instead of heating, it cools 1017) sushi -> replace rice with noodles 1018) vegetarian gelatin 1019) pet dancing classes 1020) backpack with a built-in umbrella 1021) transparent sandals 1022) aerobed chairs 1023) tuxedo swimsuit 1024) non-animated anime 1025) coffee that makes you sleepy 1026) multi-color bananas 1027) chairs that are made to sit cross-legged on 1028) pet dancing classes 1029) elderly computer programming classes 1030) electronic blackboard 1031) finger warmers 1032) running gloves 1033) plaid pants 1034) cup-pies (as opposed to cupcakes) 1035) parking under city streets 1036) commute to work in a helicopter and avoid traffic 1037) protein gum 1038) caffeine jelly beans 1039) pens with edible ink 1040) dishwasher that burns off food instead of using water 1041) pill you can swallow that makes you feel full 1042) e-book reader that has a hardcover like a book 1043) device that projects gps directions onto your windshield 1044) fried spaghetti 1045) battered and fried vegetables to eat at sports games 1046) protein water 1047) baseball except you can tackle people 1048) a bar where everyone has to sit on the floor 1049) schoolbuses that are not yellow 1050) homeless person virtual reality simulator 1051) beaches with no ocean 1052) shampoo/body wash line that smells like candy 1053) four wheel scooter 1054) nylon baseball cap 1055) soft bite size pretzels in a bag 1056) electronic legal pad 1057) caramel peanut butter (reeses?) 1058) drones that can carry passengers 1059) shoes that dry themselves while you're running 1060) oven that heats and cools 1061) macaroni and cheese salad 1062) peanut butter and celery sandwich 1063) phone case made of rubber to resist impact damage 1064) a refrigerator that locks when it's not time to eat 1065) carbonated tea 1066) dessert lasagna 1067) soundcloud for sound effects 1068) youtube for free indie movies 1069) airbnb except guests don't pay with cash, they cook for you 1070) DJ Khaled dog toy 1071) drink glasses with built in straws 1072) vibrating pillows 1073) spill shield for cup holders in cars 1074) hydrating gummy bears for athletes 1075) wallet that smells like fruit 1076) sweet peanut butter 1077) peanut butter flavored crackers 1078) edible straws 1079) skin colored socks 1080) running socks made of polyester 1081) slippers that massage your feet 1082) mobile ice bath 1083) sunscreen that smells fruity 1084) flavored ink 1085) trees that broadcast wifi/cellular signals 1086) shoes that have foot warmers in them 1087) plaid socks 1088) gas station that sells healthy food 1089) escalator for your house 1090) bubble gum flavored gatorade 1091) gum that helps you quit marijuana 1092) recycled jeans 1093) electronic office chair for reclining/lowering/etc 1094) melatonin lollipop 1095) tea popsicles 1096) coffee flavored soda 1097) running shoes that yell motivational things while you run 1098) lightbulbs that change color depending on time of day (see f.lux) 1099) sweet and sour spaghetti sauce 1100) baked potatoes for 4/20 1101) no flex zone - a gym that does not allow flexing 1102) electric ukelele 1103) rainbow whipped cream 1104) hair gel that dissolves after 12 hours 1105) vegetable pie 1106) fruity brownies 1107) dessert burrito 1108) book club podcast 1109) antibacterial doorknobs 1110) laundry bag that neutralizes odor 1111) belt that clicks like a seatbelt 1112) christian rap music 1113) electric piano 1114) otc pain reliever patch 1115) electronic ear plugs that play white noise 1116) homeless shelter that provides sleeping pods instead of housing 1117) put vitamins in the water supply 1118) pods full of cleaning fluid that you put in the toilet basin, and they dissolve over time to clean your toilet 1119) tinted mirrors 1120) running jeans 1121) drones that deliver meals 1122) pre-toasted bread 1123) baseball hat that has the home team on the outside and away on the inside 1124) silent vacuum 1125) juice boxes filled with tea 1126) running sombrero 1127) zero calorie chips 1128) dehydrated vegetable chips 1129) electronic kaleidoscope 1130) bed that rotates 360 degrees 1131) zip up t-shirt 1132) edible floss 1133) backpack w/ velcro instead of zippers 1134) citrus licorice 1135) sweet cheetos 1136) lemon gum 1137) umbrella hat 1138) goosebumps tv show revival 1139) rice infused with vitamins 1140) zero dollar bill 1141) e-book reader made out of paper with two separate screens, like a book 1142) caffeine lollipops 1143) headphones that are shaped like ears 1144) heavy metal with pianos 1145) virtual reality LARPing 1146) programming language for animals 1147) sandals that don't have a top, they just stick to your feet 1148) rice cream sundae 1149) t shirt you can put on without messing up your hair 1150) a book about books 1151) a quiet, soundproof room in the city that costs $5/hr 1152) thing that you can strap to your lower back to support good posture 1153) air filled couch. like aerobed

#ideas

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