#the drama and genuine pain and trauma

[themountaincrew]

Loathing and Hope I just finished Darkest Dungeon 2 and I cannot applaud loud enough! The reveal of the story was incredible, the last boss was unique, fun and a real struggle! But the ending... Oh, the ending spoke to my soul. We truly all make mountains of our mistakes and wrap ourselves in our failures, and yet the good in us can shine so damn bright. A darkest dungeon in all of us... And we can all ride to the top of our own mountains! And there is a world after the climb! Red Hook, thank you for speaking to my soul. I love your games, they are incredible and different and unique. A fantastic experience of slugging it out with adversity until one of us drops, stressful and cathartic. .. Also can I just say I was cheering like an insane person at the reveal of the Body of Work design. Each and every boss had me simultaneously lean forward and lean back in my seat! I will do the game justice eventually. For now, it’s midnight, I’ve spent 6 hours on that last run and doodle! XD Better art and more asks coming! ;D Now that I know the lore, we can really kick the blog’s story into gear!

[thesoftestmess]

maybe if vash and nai combined the singular trauma-riddled braincell they each have left and met somewhere in the middle between "religious cult working towards the genocide of humanity" and "absolute submission to our oppressors and the colonisers of our people's land" we would've gotten somewhere

[with-my-calamitous-love]

ARE WE FALLING LIKE SNOW AT THE BEACH?

shouto tdrk x reader

how he’d act in a relationship

same premise as the kirishima, shinso, izuku, and touya ver.

inspired by snow on the beach

shouto todoroki, who didn’t think love had a significant place in his life. who obviously felt love, from his friends, his siblings, his mom- but never the kind of love that made his heart thump out of his chest. not until he met you, that is.

shouto todoroki, who can’t get the day he first met you out of his head. it was a few moons ago, yet it replays like an award winning movie in his mind. but could anyone blame him? time stopped when he saw you. like specks of lights dancing around him. he mistakenly thought that he simply was seeing stars, dazed from the presence of you. he can’t help but wonder all the times you’ve passed by unbeknownst to him, and why it took him this long to find you.

shouto todoroki, who’s life had been emotionally abusive. his dreams at night, his waking moments, his mind, his hands, and his scars never allow him to fully escape from the past. so it makes sense just why he was so enthralled with you. he genuinely thought your quirk was the ability to stop time, the way you took the demons of his past and hushed them, allowing shouto a few moments of blissful refuge. he doesn’t understand it, but he isn’t complaining.

shouto todoroki, who doesn’t understand why you want him. who thinks that the prospect of you ever returning his feelings is impossible. who thinks its crazy, insane, uncanny, unnatural, otherworldly and fucking beautiful when you tell him you love him. he knows a lot of things, fire and ice, pain and love, mothers and fathers, life and death, but his favourite is you and him. even if it made no sense to him.

shouto todoroki, who maybe isn’t the most conversational type at times. who tilts his head adorably when you tell him a joke that flies over his head. who barley uses the class group chat, or his siblings group chat that he adds you too. who tries for you, sending emoji’s or (quite random) gifs when words fail him. he’s trying, and you love him for it.

shouto todoroki, who knows more about emotions than he lets on. who is your comfort person. who asks if you want advice for just someone for listen. who holds you while you cry, kisses your forehead and rubs circles on your back. who sits with you, holding your hand while he explains his point of view on things. who is always on your side, always knows what to say, and is always there for you.

shouto todoroki, who doesn’t understand how handsome he is. who is aware of his reputation for being the most handsome guy of 1-A, yet is so dense its adorable. who didn’t really care about what we wore until he started dating you. who suddenly feels confident in his looks, never denying the pink that blooms on his cheeks when you compliment him. who just wants to look his best for you.

shouto todoroki, who is physically incapable of finding you unattractive. who will call you beautiful when you’ve just woken up with pimple patches. when you’re all sweaty from a workout. when you’re bruised from training too hard or sobbing over some dumb drama. who thinks you’re stunning when you’re you.

shouto todoroki, whose nicknames for you are beautiful, love, darling, gorgeous, or just your name.

shouto todoroki, who opens up to you. who tells you about his past, his father, his oldest brother… who expects you to turn away in disgust. who considers just hiding away all his traumas, afraid to lose what he has with you. who watches in absolute, starstruck awe when you love him anyway.

speaking of his past… shouto todoroki, who defends you with his life. who absolutely does not care what his father thinks of you. who speaks of you like you are the creator of the universe itself when his family asks about you. who assures the people around him of his love for you, that he’s found someone who makes him happy.

shouto todoroki, who is a gentlemen in a world of boys. who leans down when you’re talking to him so you can speak in his ear. who always drives no matter what. who pays for your everything before you can protest. who zips up your clothes, buttons up your jackets, holds your bags and sleeps on the outer end of the bed. who knows everything you deserve and stops at nothing to be that for you.

shouto todoroki, can’t even speak when he’s around you. he won’t dare to jinx it, and he’s scared of wishing it. who hopes that despite how foreign and strange love may feel, that you truly are the one. who prays that you’re what he deserves, and that he can he everything you deserve and more. who’s smile lights up like a contest when you text him. who can’t be dishonest about how hard and how beautiful he’s fallen for you. who wonders if this can be a real thing. can it?

shouto todoroki, who falls for you like snow on the beach. who knows its weird, and that it shouldn’t happen, and loves you more for it. who would fall for you again, and again, and again, simply because its you.

bakugou version next!

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Soooo, I have a small angsty ask if you’re up for it, how would RO’s react if mc flinched when they make a sudden movement while in an argument?

Ooh drama!

Cassandra: Wide eyed and freezes mid sentence, lowers her voice IMMEDIATELY and apologies. She feels awful because she knows that she gets scary when she is mad, she has learned to be after being surrounded by military men all her life. She never wants MC to think she would ever raise a hand to them in anger (...I mean unless MC cheated on her, then it is a 50/50 coin toss if she puts hands on them). Otherwise though, the fight would end right there and then. If the fight wasn't over anything major she would calm down and make sure MC is okay. If the fight was over something big then she would walk away to calm herself.

Valeria: She also jumps back with MC and quickly asks them genuinely what was wrong? She wouldn't get it herself, being raised in a loving home and having a sheltered life; but that doesn't mean she wouldn't me sympathetic. No matter how mad she might be, Valeria will always be the first to offer help to others. She would sit down and hold MC until they are okay, even if she can't really imagine why MC could ever fathomly think she would hit them.

Tomás: Just stab him in the heart why don't you? Throw him off the roof, shoot him in the head, and beat him with a metal club because all of that would honestly be kinder than ever making him realize MC could ever be afraid of him that way. Honest to God, this man would sooner CUT OFF his own hand than have you EVER think that he would do that to you. The look in his eyes in that moment? AGH, it hurts me to even imagine it! He would be so heartbroken and shocked. Whatever you guys were arguing about, (again, unless it was about cheating... if you ever cheat on Tomás (first of all, how dare you?) he wouldn't hit you but he wouldn't really feel the same about you being scared of him, as he is right now.) consider it forgotten. He will spend the next week apologizing and practically punishing himself for making you feel threatened.

-

Ludovica: Oh, she gets it. Believe me, she would get this better than anyone. Nobody else could possibly relate more than her, she would hardly ever be so mad at MC that she would yell but if MC ever thought she would do such a think for a moment would still her to a statue. Her eyes wouldn't judge though, no. Her eyes would be full of understanding of what pain and trauma results in such a reflex, she would calmly tell MC "Please believe me when I say this... I would never, ever, raise a hand to you; my love."

Aurelio: Bro stills to a halt and has to Sherlock Holmes style analyze what the actual fuck, just happened. Did you just think...? That he would ever, do that to you? He is honestly more hurt as a result of that reaction; that you would ever, for even a fraction of a second, think he is such a brute. Such a monster, to raise his hand to you. He struggles with being a good man, he really does; but to think you think so little of him in terms of morality? He might tear up just a tad, depending on how much he has opened up to MC about himself. Regardless if MC intended to do so or not, he would walk away and honestly be upset with MC for a good while about this.

Elio: Does not get it sadly, he quickly puts it together that you though he would hit you; but he doesn't get why. He will tell you just as much. "I was just gesturing, why did you flinch?" Absolutely will not drop this subject till you explain it to him, "Did you think I would hit you? Have I ever done so before? Then why did you think I would hit you now? I obviously would not. It was a reflex? A reflex is an involuntary response to a stimulus. I raised my hand and that make you flinch? That would suggest a logical stimuli, I have gestured to you before. I have pointed to things before, I have patted your head before, you never did this before. Why are you doing it now?" He is low key pressed over this, he hides it by trying to appear confused or curious but in reality he is upset because he does not understand. He NEEDS to know why you did that, so he can never do it again. If you get mad over the questions he will surprisingly get mad too, it is jarring because he almost never gets mad. He is upset by this new information and he must understand, you must help him understand.

[threebooksoneplot]

what draws you both to jalice/makes you so feral about them as a ship?

you should know we had an entire meeting in order to answer this ask. no this could NOT have been an email (unlike new moon) 🤭

Secretary G took notes. they are as follows (read the bolded parts for a tl;dr)

we kind of see it as though jalice got the traits that edbella weren’t allowed to have, either due to their status as protagonists or because smeyer's mormon background causes her to view these qualities as too sinful/negative for her wholesome Waiting Until Marriage main couple. (examples: alice's materialistic, "shallow," hyperfeminine qualities, her character flaws (especially her manipulativeness), and jasper's aura and history of fucked up violence closer to what you'd find in traditional vampire stories/horror/adult gothics/books not written by a mormon author)

in terms of how much screentime the non-main-love-triangle canon couples get, their relationship is kiiiinda given the next-most weight to edbella’s (examples: jasper's extreme overprotectiveness, the New Moon chapter 19 moment where alice prioritizes jasper and bella is like “yeah I get it, I would do the same.”) basically smeyer gives jalice's relationship a lot of the qualities she finds romantic/ideal, (and which are either similarly romantic to us or entertainingly toxic/a good source of drama), presumably because alice is like her 4th-favorite character after the main love triangle and she wants nice things for her

we both really love how, superficially, as presented in the books, jasper and alice seem to have this almost “courtly love” that smeyer has described as "spiritual." yet when you look closer, their relationship has so many darker undertones—the deep codependency bordering on obsessiveness (mutual, but especially the way it manifests on jasper's end—"I will kill this random teen girl who witnessed edward's jean valjean moment™ because any means are justifiable when the ends are Protecting Alice"), the dark sides of both of their powers, the idea that jasper is only a cullen and/or only a vegetarian for alice's sake, etc. hell, even the fact that they're the only Cullen couple who we know had (gasp) premarital sex 😏 (I mean we assume rosemmett did too, but alas, they don't have that hilarious "carlisle convinced jasper and alice to get married" quote from smeyer)

partially summarized: "jasper’s general desperate willingness to sell everyone to satan for one corn chip if it keeps alice safe (carlisle: I know this and I love you)"

we're forever smug that the movies gave us even more jalice screentime (especially remarkable in such a protagonist-centric universe), including jasper being in the same grade as alice/bella/edward, and the extra jalice kisses in Eclipse and BD 🥺

what we wrote down as the ��who’s protecting whom" phenomenon, as coined by G in this old ask. (shannon: "jasper is the toddler you've given the PS2 controller that's not plugged in")

we also like the characters individually. jasper is for the girlies with competency kinks—a stoic caretaker who speaks little and mostly expresses himself via acts of service. we also both love the way in which he needs protection from his own uncontrolled violence (slipping up and killing humans, suffering the pain and fear he inflicts, etc.) he is, in the words of our beloved @liceparade, the "line cook trauma boyfriend"

“It’s hot when there’s a fictional violent man who wet babygirl 😌” —shannon

and alice, unlike bella, genuinely loves being spoiled and bossing people around. she's brat-coded, she's confident and secure in who she is, her god complex ("I'm close enough [to omniscient]") causes fascinating conflict, bella eats drywall from sheer horniness at her merest movement, she dresses like a slut in the Mormon YA Novels and yet somehow escapes authorial condemnation, she has a sickass gothic heroine backstory, she's "annoying," aro started a whole war over her (eat shit helen of troy 🖕), she spaces out in public and has to be led around by jasper, she's one of the most powerful vampires in the world, she's in high school getting a C+ on her precalc test 💅🏻

it's appealing that smeyer frequently puts alice in the center of the series' various conflicts (james' singer and "one that got away," the accidental cause of all the drama at the end of new moon, one of aro's secret True motives for starting the conflict in BD.) this is mostly as a consequence of smeyer using alice as a plot device and/or deus ex machina, but it is in fact interesting

is alice jasper's morality chain? we love pondering this question via fic, meta, etc (especially because...alice ain't exactly a model of ethical behavior herself)

together, the two of them exhibit lots of classic tropes. they're grumpy x sunshine, chatty x silent, opposites attract, etc. to say nothing of that height difference 🥵

we love the yin/yang symbolism of a character with a horrific past paired with a character with NO memory of her past, who is focused on the future and all about potential. not to invoke an ancient phrase but POETIC CINEMA

the next note just says “POTENTIAL in general.” I assume we meant how all of the above stuff creates potential for interesting stories, conflicts, metas, art, fic, etc

G has brought this up in the past, but we love the irony of jasper, a character whose chief desire is to be left in peace, being soul-alteringly in love with the one character who will always be a giant glaring target through no fault of her own. hilarious

[eyeheartboobiez]

-> 𝗃𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈𝖽𝖽 𝗑 𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

-> 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅 𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖺 𝖺𝗎!

-> 𝖺/𝗇: 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 6!! 𝗌𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝖺 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗂𝗍💕

liked by bigdickgrayson, cass.cain, and others

@rred_hood: hey guys. sorry for the radio silence, but i needed some time to figure things out w/ everything that’s been going on. just to give a quick update: these past few months i’ve been working on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. mostly though, i need to re-evaluate the people i allow to be in my life vs. the people i actually want around.

as you all know, artemis and i were seen out together a couple of months back, despite our very toxic relationship in the past. i’ve mentioned her abuse towards me here and there before, but now i wanna set the record straight.

me and artemis were NEVER happy. point blank. the first few months of our relationship seemed amazing, sure, but every moment after that felt like hell on earth. im not gonna go into the specifics of her treatment towards me (bcs frankly it’s not anyone’s business but mine), but the only reason we met up last month was to hopefully make peace with what happened during the time we were together.

as for the copyright situation and my alleged involvement in it; everything will be revealed before of the judge. while im legally not allowed to speak on it at this time, i will go ahead and apologize in advance for the news you’ll be hearing in the upcoming days…

before i post this, though, i publicly want to say this: @y/nforeal im GENUINELY sorry for any of the pain or stress all of this has caused you. i betrayed your trust, and have absolutely no expectations for you to forgive me. believe it or not, every second of our time together felt like pure bliss, and you’re the last person i ever wanted to hurt. i sincerely hope that you get everything you’ve ever dreamed of in life, regardless of whether i get to be part of the journey, or have to cheer you on from afar.

to end off, anyone who really supports me knows idc to involve myself in drama, so please, all i ask is that you be patient with me as i figure out a way to right my wrongs. peace✌🏻

View all 1,521,791 comments

user1: all the jason antis looking mad goofy rn💀

⤷ user2: this man js opened up about his trauma and you’re staring fan wars… get a life fr

user3: praying for ur peace jay🙏

user4: yea enough is enough artemis need to be locked up for life

⤷ user5: matter fact, put her under the jail

user6: i just hope that y/n understands🙁

— comments were turned off —

Case Closed, Artemis Grace headed straight to the slammer! Where does this leave us now? (2/27/2023 1:42 PM PT)

From TikTok, to Instagram; almost all of social media has been flooded with people's response to the verdict of one of the biggest cases in Hollywood right now. Fans all over the internet have been posting nothing but support of the court's ruling. The hashtag "#WHOMPWHOMP" has even found itself trending on twitter in response to Artemis' behavior displayed throughout the trial.

The celeb's unsavory etiquette is nothing new though. From sobbing in the witness stand, to lashing out at her own lawyer, Artemis has shown nothing but discomposure since the day charges were pressed against her. But, for everyone new here, let's start from the beginning.

For those who may not have been keeping up with the story, back in September, acclaimed singer Y/N Y/LN took legal action against Artemis Grace on the grounds of copyright infringement. After months of speculation, investigators found that Grace had illegally distributed a song that had absolutely no business being in her possession in the first place.

Although the track was taken very favorably by fans and casual listeners alike, the actual artist was nowhere near pleased. Once sharing her feelings about the situation online, Y/N immediately put her emotions into a new album, the same album that led her to receive the first grammy of her career.

Aside from the copyright violation though, Artemis is also being sued for causing emotional distress in regards to all the drama she got wrapped up in with her ex-boyfriend, Jason Todd.

While Jason and Y/N were presumed to have been dating since March of last year (if not earlier), that fantasy was quickly ruined when Artemis and Todd were caught being uncomfortably close with each other outside of a club last August.

Of course, many fans on both sides were reasonably hurt by the news. Those who have been following Y/N for a while now may know that she has had trouble opening up to people in the past; something she has expressed quite a bit in her music. So, when word broke out that Jason seemed to be playing with her feelings, her supporters were beyond furious.

Even songwriter Cassandra Cain, Jason's adopted sister, made sure to support Y/N in every way that she could. The two have been friends for years now, having officially met back in 2020 at the billboard music awards. While Cassandra isn't a woman of many words, she made sure that her actions spoke volumes.

Late last year, she helped Y/N write one of the songs for her latest album, basically ensuring her win at this year's Grammys. Outside of music though, posts have been made by the two besties seemingly having the time of their lives.

Between the high emotions and the immense camaraderie being shown, fans have come to the conclusion that both women may have gotten together at some point while working together.

Without a doubt, there was an obvious tension between the duo while doing promotions for their shared single. Cassandra, though a notable lesbian icon in the community, has yet to speak up on the rumors (and, knowing her, probably never will).

Back to the legal proceedings, the heartbreaker in question was also present during Artemis' trial. In order to shed some light on the story, Jason Todd appeared before the court as a witness in hopes of ensuring that Y/N wins this case.

Unlike Artemis, Jason showed nothing but absolute remorse for his actions. About a month ago, the Gothamite made a post to his instagram page detailing the shame he felt by being involved in such acts, although in reality he had little participation to begin with.

While on trial, it was found that Todd actually had little to no involvement with the illegal distribution of the track. In fact, Artemis herself confessed that he only talked about Y/N having a song that was "in the works". He also revealed to her that the track was "something his girlfriend (had) dedicated it to him", thus confirming our suspicions of their relationship status.

Alongside this, she also admitted that their meet up back in August originally had nothing to do with music, nor were they trying to rekindle their disastrous affair. Jason did state that he was notably intoxicated that night, while Artemis indicated that she "hadn't had anything to drink" prior to their conversation.

In the end, after the grueling legal battle, Artemis is soon to be locked up after receiving a firm guilty ruling from the judge. The now former singer has been sentenced to three years in prison without possibility of parole, in addition to paying $25,000 as compensation for emotional distress.

Outside the courtroom Y/N and Jason were seen speaking together away from everyone else, as well as sharing a meaningful hug before parting ways. The heartwarming image that was caught by paparazzi has given shippers more than enough hope that the two celebs can hopefully rekindle the love they once had.

a/n: thoughts?

taglist: @din0o0o @cipheress-to-k-pop @bonnie-tz @phatnyash420 @rwylm-things @sheluvv-gambino

[lobo-inu]

saw a post that reminded me of my really bad past experiences with tesblr, and how lucky i am to finally have a tes server that’s like…. actually safe. and full of people who are nothing but genuine. especially now that i’ve healed a lot, too.

i’ve heard SO MANY horror stories about rumors people in this fandom spread - and i’ve also been a victim of them too, lol. been called a scammer (was getting donations for a live saving surgery. thats it), a mysoginist (literally just explaining my mother-based trauma and being scared of adult women lol), and also like. had rumors go around about me apparently letting minors into an 18+ server. even tho i fucking hate interacting with minors online w a passion. i made a past server that was previously 15+ to 18+ and kicked all minors bc they could not fucking behave and respect boundaries.

oh, also pure ableism when it comes to a Very stigmatized diagnosis of mine. :| that was from the same person who called me a mysoginist. people over here making insane headcanons for me, i guess 😭

….so yeah. just awful, out of character shit going around.

i’ve lost a good few people i considered friends who were quick to listen to these rumors instead of just. idk. communicating with me.

this fandom irks me a lot with it’s behavior on a personal level beyond that, though. Skyrim had been one of my most intense hyperfixations since i was in a single digit age. so it sucks having such a hostile and drama-hungry community when all i wanna do is share OCs and shit.

this sounds fucking insane, but past experiences here have caused my anxiety disorder to skyrocket to such a drastically dangerous degree, so its kinda crazy that i’m even back here. typing this out is giving me chest pains lol. like this is probably one of the worst fandoms to get involved with

with that said, thank you @ the people who’ve made my return an enjoyable experience. and thank you to those who stuck around even after i left in 2023, and stuck by me and my honesty vs rumors. yall are the fucking real ones. and also the babygirls server, friends both new and old - i love u guys. thank yall for helping me continue this personal healing journey of mine (yall know what i’m referencing).

if anyone has had any ridiculous experiences here, do feel free to share 😭 cause i know i’m not the only one. also god i love the babygirls server. pls join the babygirls server

[aquilaofarkham]

Dying Has Never Frightened Us: Intergenerational Trauma, Healing, & the Burden of Legacy in Castlevania

An analytical and interpretation essay that discusses how the concept of family legacy and duty can lead to intergenerational trauma in the Castlevania franchise. Focuses primarily on the Belmont who found strength from his pain by honouring his family’s legacy no matter how heavy it felt or the burden that came with it and the Belmont who found his own strength from the ones he loved and who loved him in return.

☽ Read the full piece here or click the read more for the text only version ☽

THE BURNING NEED FOR RETRIBUTION: INTRODUCTION

The world has trauma. It is deep, collective, spanning its roots over centuries and territories dating back to when the borders of today never existed, and it has largely gone untreated—but not undiscussed.

From children’s cartoons to award winning dramas, trauma has become one of the most common topics for media to discuss, depict, and dissect. It makes sense given the sort of physical and mental gauntlet which society has been through in the past five years. Sometimes even in just the past twenty-four hours. From an uptick in disasters stemming from climate change, the rise of publicised policy brutality, genocide as a result of settler colonisation, new developments coming to light after decades of denial regarding the residential school system in Canada, and of course a global pandemic which is still making ripples. Then there is the recent examination of generational trauma which differs from culture to culture. The open wounds we’ve already left and will be leaving for future age groups.

Seeing how fiction reflects reality and vice versa, it isn’t any wonder that movies, television shows, and video games find ways of processing this worldwide sensation of frustrated ennui along with the need to find answers as to how regular citizens can fix things, including ourselves, when politicians and world leaders cannot. When reality cannot provide satisfying resolutions, when we are left confused and even angrier than before due to the apparent shortcomings of institutions meant to provide relief towards the average person, it’s natural to look towards specific media. Whether for coping mechanisms, validation for this collective and personal trauma, or simply for cathartic release so the emotions don’t have to remain bottled up.

Castlevania , both its original 2017 series and the most recent entry of Castlevania: Nocturne (as well as the video games which the show is inspired by), is no stranger to this popular trend of storytelling and characterisation. Yet this trend also comes with its own controversy. When done with a deft writer’s hand and a layer of empathetic critical thinking, trauma in fiction and how we heal from its intergenerational effects can be a powerful tool in raising awareness in regards to something left forgotten by the larger public or it can allow viewers to look inwards at themselves. Done poorly or with a lack of empathy and taste, then the floodgates open.

But beyond the usual discourse surrounding trauma in fiction (how to portray a “realistic” panic attack, what makes a “good” victim, the problematic connotations of forgiving one’s abuser, etc.), Castlevania has its own things to say about the lingering effects of grief, guilt, and pain over the course of thirty-two episodes (now a fourty episode runtime with the inclusion of Castlevania: Nocturne season one). The series—particularly the first which ran from 2017 to 2021—has now gained a reputation for being one of the darker animated ventures tackling themes of religious corruption, abuse, sexual manipulation, and injustice among many others. The value and thoughtfulness of each depicted theme ranges from being genuinely compelling to delving into mere shock value yet the series is also known for its uplifting ending and cathartic release from such dark themes.

One could write entire dissertations on each complicated character and their developments. From Dracula’s suicidal tendencies as a result of unchecked grief to Isaac’s conflicted redemptive journey beginning with his unflinching loyalty to the king of vampires and ending with him forging down his own path in life. How characters such as Carmilla, consumed by her inner agonies and burning hatred towards the world to the bitter end, was left isolated from her sisters until she was forced to choose the terms of her own death, while others like Alucard, Sypha, and to an extent Hector rose above their individual torments in favour of hope and survival. However, this examination will focus on the series’ titular family of vampire hunters. Namely, the Belmont who found strength from his pain by honouring his family’s legacy no matter how heavy it felt or the burden that came with it and the Belmont who found his own strength from the ones he loved and who loved him in return.

Note: this essay will delve into speculations and purely interpretative hypotheses stemming from the author’s own opinions in regards to how they personally read the presented text. It will also discuss heavy spoilers for the majority of Castlevania games and the first season of Castlevania: Nocturne.

—

WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT FOR A CURSE: THE CYCLE OF TRAGEDY IN THE CASTLEVANIA GAMES

This examination begins in the exact same place as the show began with its inspirations and references: the original video games developed and distributed by Konami Group Corporations. It’s easy to get swept up in the notion that because of the technological limitations with video games at the time, the Castlevania games are devoid of story or characterization. Yet even the most bare bones of a story found in the games can still have something to say about the burden of legacy and how trauma left unconfronted has the possibility of tearing down that legacy. The most prominent example being Castlevania: Symphony of the Night , arguably the first game to begin delving into a deeper story and character driven narrative. It follows the events of Castlevania: Rondo of Blood , a game which portrayed its protagonist Richter Belmont as a force of nature in the face of evil, always knowing what to do, what to say, and emerging victorious without so much as breaking a sweat (or candelabra).

In keeping with the time of its release and the landscape of popular media particularly in Japan, Rondo of Blood feels like a traditional 1990s action anime complete with brightly coloured cutscenes and character designs reminiscent of Rumiko Takahashi and Rui Araizumi (despite the usual classic horror elements present in every Castlevania game). This is most evident with Maria Renard, the second playable protagonist who attacks with her own arsenal of magical animals and even has her own upbeat theme music during the credits when players complete the main story in “Maria mode”. Richter also shares many similar personality traits with his counterpart, namely his optimism in the face of danger and the confidence that he will be the hero of this narrative.

Of course all this changed in the direct follow-up to Rondo of Blood , the aforementioned Symphony of the Night . Arguably the new staple of future Castlevania games to come, not only did it change the gameplay and aesthetic, it changed the very core of the characters as well. The game even begins with the same ending as Rondo of Blood where Richter fights and defeats Dracula with the help of Maria. Then during the opening crawl, we discover that during a time skip, Richter has vanished and Maria is searching for him. Surely this will be nothing less than a heroic rescue and the most powerful Belmont of his century will be restored to his rightful pedestal.

Yet for the first half of Symphony of the Night , the player is faced with a sobering realisation—the villain we’re supposed to be fighting, the one responsible for conjuring Dracula’s castle back into existence, is Richter himself. No longer the hero we’ve come to adore and look up to from the previous game. Of course, the player along with new protagonist Alucard both know that something isn’t right; perhaps Richter isn’t in his sound mind or some nefarious force is possessing him to commit evil deeds. But unless the player solves the right puzzles and find the right in-game items, Symphony ends with Alucard putting down Richter like a rabid dog. However, this ending can be avoided and a whole second half of the game is revealed.

Richter’s canonical ending is left ambiguous at best, tragic at worst. He laments over his moment of weakness, claiming the events of the game were his fault despite Alucard’s insistence that confronting Dracula was always going to be inevitable. Still, the tragedy of Richter’s fate and how he is portrayed in Symphony of the Night comes much later, when it’s implied the Belmonts are no longer capable of wielding the fabled Vampire Killer, a leather whip imbued with supernatural properties that has been passed down generation after generation. One mistake and misjudgment left the Belmont legacy in a perpetual long lasting limbo with the titular hunters themselves seemingly disappearing from history as well, leaving others such as the Order of Ecclesia to pick up the fight against Dracula’s eventual resurgence. It isn’t until the height of World War II (the setting of Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin ) when the whip’s true potential is finally set free thanks to the actions of Jonathan Morris, a distant relative of the infamous vampire slaying family. However, the only way in which Jonathan can reawaken the Vampire Killer is by defeating a manifestation of the person who last wielded it and also whom the whip abandoned nearly two hundred years prior—Richter Belmont.

Yet players and fans don’t get to see it in the hands of another Belmont until the events of 1999 when Julius Belmont defeats the latest incarnation of Dracula and seals his castle away in a solar eclipse. Even then, he loses his memory until thirty years pass and he’s forced to do battle with Soma Cruz, an innocent transfer student who is also the reincarnation of Dracula. If the protagonist of Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow succeeds in defeating the cosmic threat that has awakened his supposed “evil” destiny, then Julius can finally lay down the Vampire Killer in peace (until the sequel Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow , of course). If not, the game ends with Julius keeping his promise to Soma should he lose sight of his human side and let Dracula be reborn once again. In a scene that directly mirrors the beginning of Symphony , Julius enters the castle throne room, Soma throws down his wine goblet, and the screen goes black. The cycle continues anew. Julius has upheld the duty of his family name but at what cost.

The theme of tragedy getting passed down through different generations, permeating from person to person even with those who are not Belmonts, is a staple of later Castlevania games following Symphony of the Night . In some instances, pain and trauma is what jumpstarts the story moving forward. Castlevania: Curse of Darkness begins with its protagonist Hector in a direct parallel to Dracula swearing revenge on the one responsible for the murder of his wife; an ultimatum that follows him every step of the way, fuelling his rage and determination up until the penultimate moment when his goal is within reach. Yet even then he cries out, claiming this “murderous impulse” isn’t truly him—it’s the result of an outside force he himself once aided before defecting before the events of the game.

Something similar occurs in Castlevania: Lords of Shadow , an alternative reimagining of the franchise that while still a topic of division amongst most die hard fans has also seen a resurgence of popularity and reevaluation. It begins with Gabriel Belmont grieving over the death of his own wife (a trope which is unfortunately common amongst the majority of Castlevania titles). This is a wound that follows him throughout his journey until an even more painful and shattering twist regarding Marie Belmont’s demise is revealed to Gabriel later in the game.

However, there is one example from the games that stands above the rest in regards to the sort of damage which generational trauma as a result of familial duty and legacy, upheld to an almost religious degree, can inflict. So much so that even a declaration of retribution can evolve into a generational curse.

—

HUNT THE NIGHT: LEON BELMONT & THE MYTH OF FREE WILL

The Castlevania timeline didn’t always have a set beginning. An inciting incident by which all future stories, characters, and inevitable calamities could base themselves off of. Rather it changed from game to game until a definitive origin was settled in 2003 with the release of Castlevania: Lament of Innocence . For at least two games, the starting point was supposed to be with Simon Belmont, making his way through a labyrinth of dark forests and cursed towns, before finally traversing the ever changing fortress in Transylvania to defeat Dracula. He even went as far as to gather the remains and resurrect the eponymous lord of his own choice just to rid himself of another curse entirely. 

Castlevania protagonists are always cursed by something. Whether it be the cause of Dracula’s influence, their own actions as seen in Lords of Shadow , a curse of the flesh like how Simon had to tackle his own ailment in Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest , or something else just as common as Dracula’s curse: the burden of honouring a family duty.

A basic yet iconic 1986 entry followed by a sequel that had potential especially with the first appearance of the now famous “Bloody Tears” track but suffered from a rather confusing and lacklustre end product. Then suddenly the starting point for the franchise timeline changed drastically. Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse despite the numerical inclusion in its title stands as more of a prequel, detailing the exploits of the Belmont who came before Simon. Not much was altered in the grand scheme of things; the titular vampire hunter still essentially slays Dracula with the help of three other playable characters, said final boss having been driven mad and more violent than ever by humanity’s slight against him. However, not only were the methods by which Dracula is defeated changed but players were given more insight into the sort of burden placed upon the Belmont family name.

When the story of Dracula’s Curse begins, protagonist Trevor Belmont isn’t revered as a legend or hero but rather a blight on larger society who the people only turn to as a last ditch effort against rising evil. The regular god-fearing people of Wallachia now fear the Belmonts and their power (it is also implied that some still feared the barbarian-esque Simon despite his legendary status) so the family is excommunicated. Trevor is forced to enlist three other outcasts—or simply two other fighters, depending on which version of the story you examine—in order to carry out the family business. Even when the rest of the world has shunned them and there are plenty of others just as capable of stopping the forces of evil, a Belmont still has a destiny to fulfil. 

Yet once a series has gone on for long enough, things within the established canon are bound to change—again and again. Whether through re-examination in order to line it up better with present day morals and sensibilities, or through good old fashioned retconning in favour of something more interesting, more thought out, or less convoluted. Other times, it’s simply because either the creator or viewers wanted it to happen. In 1997, this occurred with the release of Castlevania Legends on the GameBoy, a prequel to Dracula’s Curse that was meant to serve as the actual origin for the Belmonts, Dracula, and even his son Alucard. Instead of Trevor, the very first Belmont to fight Dracula is now his mother, Sonia Belmont, seventeen years old and already burdened with the glorious purpose of her bloodline.

Sonia is undoubtedly the protagonist of her own story with agency and drive. However, the game ends with a stark reminder of why the Belmonts have a place in the Castlevania universe. The last we see of Sonia in Legends is in the form of an epilogue where she holds her newborn child and states that one day when he’s grown, he will “be praised by all the people as a hero”. Despite her triumph over Dracula—a monumental feat itself—it seems that her purpose in the end (the purpose of most Belmonts other than to forever fight evil in fact) was to merely continue the bloodline so that descendants can carry out a promise made centuries before by another Belmont—someone that neither Simon, Trevor, Julius, or Richter ever knew.

The inevitability of sudden retcons within long-running media was not as kind to Legends as it was to Dracula’s Curse . Because of how the in-game events conflicted with subsequent entries (for example the implication that Trevor is actually the son of Alucard, thus further tying the Belmonts to Dracula through blood as well as duty), both Legends and Sonia were completely removed from the canon timeline. This is merely one reason why the next attempt at creating the definitive origin for the franchise, now a cult favourite among certain subsections of the fan community, was regarded with some animosity. However, twenty years after its release, Castlevania: Lament of Innocence is considered by many as an underrated entry. It is certainly the darker title where both the hero and villain stumble through their own hardships yet neither emerges completely victorious by the end.

The opening narration crawl of Lament of Innocence describes the lives of Leon Belmont and Mathias Cronqvist. They spend most of their lives as reflections of each other; one grows into more of a fighter while the second is coveted for his intellect and ambition. Both are valorous, honourable, and products of their own respective plights. Despite his service to the church, Leon is soon systematically stripped of everything save for the clothes on his back because he wouldn’t follow their orders blindly. While Mathias is forced to watch as an uncaring god (the very same god he serves) takes away a figure of pure virtue and love. This figure, Elisabeta Cronqvist who appears to be a splitting image of Dracula’s next deceased wife Lisa Tepes, was the last remaining tie Mathias still had to whatever bit of morality he still feels, which he eventually throws away when deciding to drag his only friend and everything he holds dear into hell alongside him.

The difference is how both men react to those personal horrors and how they let it govern their pasts, presents, and futures not just for themselves but for others who follow after the dust has supposedly settled. Two men, two best friends turned hateful enemies because of an interlinked tragedy. Not only that, but also because of their perspectives, morals, and the way they view a world that is unkind to them. Both were spurred by the death of loved ones, both used it as a conduit, or rather a catalyst for the radically opposing directions in which their choices take them and their families. Leon chooses to struggle onwards towards a world free from darkness and horror despite his pain. Mathias chooses to revel in that very same darkness and pain with a fire that would burn for aeons. In the end, one thing is absolute. A single thing the two men can agree upon as they flee down adverse paths: one of them will destroy the other.

Yet the timeline of Castlevania proves that this choice comes at a great cost for the Belmonts in particular. By the end of Lament of Innocence , Mathias has revealed himself to be the great manipulator pulling the strings behind the scenes. Due to the immense grief he felt over losing Elisabeta to a presumably common illness made untreatable because of the time period’s medical limitations (coupled with his own arrogance and narcissism), Mathias finally becomes Dracula. Dominion over death and even god by has been achieved by doing what Leon’s righteously moral mind cannot comprehend: transforming himself into an immortal creature driven by bloodlust. All he had to do was lie, cheat, and cruelly outsmart everyone else around him. That of course includes Leon as Mathias’ manipulation tactics were also the cause of the mercy killing of Sara Tarantoul, Leon’s fiance, to stop her from turning into a vampire herself. After watching his former friend escape before the sun can rise and disposing of Dracula’s constant right hand man Death, Leon finally feels his anger over such a betrayal boil over. He gives one final message to Mathias, now the new king of the vampires: “This whip and my kinsmen will destroy you someday. From this day on, the Belmont Clan will hunt the night.”

This is how Castlevania: Lament of Innocence ends. Unlike other entries like Symphony of the Night, Aria of Sorrow, or Harmony of Dissonance , there is no good, neutral, or bad ending that can be achieved if the player is aware of certain secrets and tricks. There is only one for Leon and Mathias. The inclusion of multiple endings in some Castlevania games versus a singular set ending in others may seem like a small coincidental narrative choice in conjunction with evolving gameplay, but it matters in the case of Lament of Innocence. From the moment Leon enters the castle to rescue his fiance, the wheel has already started turning and his fate is sealed. Mathias has already won and Sara, along with future Belmonts, are already doomed. And Leon’s ultimatum made in the heat of the moment would go on to have repercussions centuries later. “Hunting the night” gave the Belmonts purpose but it also burdened them with that exact purpose. While Dracula deals in curses, so does the Belmont family—a curse of duty that gets passed down throughout the bloodline.

Leon Belmont was of course never malicious or cruel like Mathias was. He never wanted to deliberately curse his family because he suffered and so should they. His choice was made out of anger and retribution. Still, it goes on to affect Simon, Sonia, Julius, and others in drastic yet different ways. Yet in the case of specific Belmonts like Trevor and Richter, we see how this family legacy can have varied consequences in far more detail through the introduction of animation and serialised writing into the Castlevania franchise.

—

SOMETHING BETTER THAN A PILE OF RUINS: TREVOR BELMONT & STRENGTH FROM LEGACY

If there’s one thing that Castlevania makes abundantly clear with its four season runtime, it is that trauma does not inherently make people better or more virtuous. We of course see this from the games with Mathias and his personal crusade against god which leads to the complete dissolvement of his closest friendship. Or with Hector and the rage he feels towards his wife’s murderer, who also happens to be his former comrade under Dracula’s employment. Even Leon’s promise to both his friend, now his most despised enemy, and future descendants can also be an example of how gut reactions to pain, grief, and betrayal can have damaging consequences in the long run. This particular dissection of trauma when it affects a survivor negatively and in almost life-altering ways while still giving them a chance at achieving their own method of healing is most apparent with the animated representation of Trevor Belmont.

At its core, the first season of Castlevania airing in July of 2017 with four episodes in total is inspired by the events of Dracula’s Curse with the following seasons taking more from Curse of Darkness along with original story elements. It begins with the brutal execution of Lisa Tepes after she is falsely accused of being a witch. Shortly afterwards, Dracula declares war on all of humanity in an explosion of grief-riddled vengeance (a declaration that is not dissimilar to Mathias’ cursing of god after Elisabeta’s admittedly more natural death). Hundreds of civilians are slaughtered in the capital city Targoviste and hoards of night creatures descend upon more townships across Wallachia. 

This would be the perfect opportunity for a Belmont to stand up and fight back except there is one problem: the Belmonts have been eradicated from this world on false grounds of black magic and aiding the vampire lords instead of hunting them—much like how Lisa was slandered and paid the price with her own life.

The only Belmont left surviving is Trevor himself and his introduction does not paint him in the most optimistic or even heroic light. In the midst of being excommunicated by the church, he’s been wandering aimlessly for the past few years while languishing in whatever tavern he stumbles upon. In one particular bar Trevor finds himself in, he overhears the other patrons cursing the Belmonts and blaming them for Dracula’s siege upon humanity. He tries to stay out of it and not bring too much attention to himself until one glance at the family emblem stitched into his shirt breast is enough to ignite an all out skirmish.

Trevor hides his true identity not because he’s ashamed of it, but for his own safety and self preservation. In fact, the opinion he holds of his family is the total opposite from disdain for the sort of legacy they have saddled him with even in death. He reacts strongly to false accusations directed towards the Belmonts, angrily correcting the bar patrons by stating that his family fought monsters. However, he quickly realises he’s said too much and tries saving face by once again detaching himself from possibly being connected to the aforementioned Belmonts.

It’s only when Trevor is backed into a corner and is fresh out of snappy drunk retorts (thanks to a few hard hits to his nether regions) does he finally admit to his real lineage. As mentioned earlier, Trevor finds himself caught up in the first real brawl of the series not because of the pride he feels in himself but the immense pride he feels for his bloodline. All the while, he’s given up trying to hide what he is—a Belmont—and what he was born to do—fight fucking vampires.

Every time Trevor has the opportunity to bring up his bloodline whether in a fight or in conversation, it’s usually spoken with some bravado and weight even when he’s inebriated. However, when visiting the ruins of the Belmont ancestral home in season two and thus directly confronted with what little remains of his family legacy, Trevor loses all that previous bluster and becomes far more contemplative. He doesn’t reveal much of what it was like to actually live as a Belmont, only that it was “fine” and “no one was lonely in this house”. Even when staring up at the portrait of Leon Belmont, he says nothing and instead firmly  grips the very weapons which his ancestor must have also wielded.

It’s clear that Trevor feels no shame, bitterness, or lack of respect towards his family history despite the hardships that have come with it. Still, it’s difficult for him to truly accept the duty of being a Belmont and Trevor continually struggles with it over the course of two full seasons. Upon arriving at the ruined city of Gresit which is under constant threat of night creature attacks, Trevor doesn’t seem particularly concerned with the people’s plight or with helping them. He inquires about what’s been happening by speaking with a few local merchants but it’s only in order for him to gain a better picture of the situation that Gresit finds itself in. Otherwise, he’s simply passing through on his way to another tavern, fist fight, sleeping spot, or all three. Until he puts aside his own needs for self-protection in favour of saving an elder Speaker (a fictionalised group of nomads original to the Castlevania show who have made it their mission to help less fortunate communities and pass on their histories via oral tradition) from a potential hate crime committed by two supposed men of the cloth.

This moment acts as a representation of the first chip in Trevor’s carefully maintained armour. During the bar fight, he claimed over and over again that he was a Belmont in both skill and purpose. However, Trevor hasn’t done much to prove such a proclamation. Because of his ennui and poor coping mechanisms due to lingering trauma, he’s been all talk and not a lot of action—until this point. At first he tells himself to walk away, this sort of confrontation doesn’t concern him. Then he remembers where he comes from and uses the very same family heirloom to help someone physically weaker than himself.

Yet when he accompanies the elder back to where the other Speakers have found shelter from the monsters repeatedly demanding their heads as well as future night creature attacks, Trevor’s metaphorical walls are erected back up. He won’t take any part in this eradication of humanity whether as a victim or perpetrator and especially not to stop it. The people of Wallachia made their choice in the unjust murder of Dracula’s innocent wife, they made their choice when they decided to massacre what was left of his family, and the church made their choice when they decided to fight Dracula’s armies themselves without the Belmonts. Why should he lift a finger (or whip) to save the masses?

Despite this nihilistic attitude, Trevor proves to be a poor defeatist. He still desperately wants to protect the Speakers and warns them of an oncoming pogrom planned for them. A massive hate crime fueled by superstition and facilitated by the corrupt Bishop of Gresit which will supposedly save the city from night creature ambushes (this can be interpreted as a direct allegory meant to comment on how minority groups such as Jewish and Romani communities were used as scapegoats during the Mediaeval period). However, the Speakers refuse to budge and decide to face the angry and misled crowds head-on. They instead tell Trevor to leave in their place which, in a burst of frustration, spurs him to finally act like a member of his clan should. 

What follows next is one of the most defining moments of the series for Trevor, cementing his place as a Belmont. Another corrupt member of the church demands to know what he could possibly stand to gain from fighting back considering his downtrodden state and the fact that he’s entirely outnumbered. Trevor’s answer is simple: nothing. The Belmonts don’t protect everyday people for any great reward or because of any strong personal ties. They do it because it’s their duty and the right thing to do. Trevor even mirrors something which the elder Speaker told him; a family mantra that encompasses the very purpose of the Belmonts, dating back to Leon: “It’s not the dying that frightens us. It’s never having stood up and fought for you.”

Trevor’s healing journey does not end at this moment. He still has moments of hesitation where someone like Alucard has to forcibly remind him of his place as Belmont, saying he needs to choose whether he’s really the last of a long line of hunters or a drunkard. This leads to a fight sequence that nearly spans the length of an entire episode where Trevor further proves himself by taking on at least three different creatures all with varying degrees of strength, skill, and fortitude. Episode six of season two is the ideal example of not only Trevor’s determination but also his quick thinking. Moments such as him wrapping his cloak around his hand so that it doesn’t get cut while his sword slices through the throat of a minotaur or using a set of sticks to beat against an adversary when his whip is knocked away. Being a Belmont means using one’s intellect (no matter how unconventional it may seem) as well as one’s muscles. 

There is also another albeit less violent instance at the start of season three where he still feels the need to hide his surname while in an unfamiliar village. Then there is the revelation that malicious stories about the Belmonts and their supposed demise still circulate amongst rural Wallachian communities. Yet despite coming from a family of old killers (a term Trevor uses before facing off against Death in the final season) his family name remains his strength and the weight of both the Vampire Killer and Morningstar whip keep him grounded rather than burden him. The Belmont name carries such weight throughout the series that by the end, there is strong consideration from Alucard of naming a new township nestled in the shadow of Dracula’s castle after that family.

Trevor deals with his pain and trauma quietly, almost numbing it with the assistance of alcohol and dodging the harder questions regarding what his family was really like. He still finds strength in remembering what the Belmonts are here for despite the tribulations that come with the family name. Hardships that continue and evolve nearly three hundred years later.

—

THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME WHO I AM: RICHTER BELMONT & STRENGTH FROM LOVE

Depending on what sort of mood you might find the author of this essay in, their favourite Castlevania game will vary. At the moment, it’s a three way tie between Symphony of the Night for its artistry, Lament of Innocence for its story and characterisation, and Aria of Sorrow for its evolved gameplay. However, one personal decision remains relatively consistent no matter the mood or time of day: Richter Belmont is the author’s favourite Belmont and the inclusion of him in the latest animated adaptation Castlevania: Nocturne has only cemented that fact.

It makes sense from both a narrative and marketing standpoint as to why we’ve suddenly gone from the events of Dracula’s Curse/Curse of Darkness depicted in the previous series all the way three hundred years later to Rondo of Blood . Narratively, Richter and his companion Maria Renard already have a direct link to Alucard through the events of Symphony , which Nocturne will most likely cover and be inspired by in its second season. Marketing wise while also appealing to the largest demographic possible (even those less familiar with the games), amongst more recurring characters like Dracula and Alucard, Richter is arguably one of the most recognisable Castlevania figures right down to his design.

Certain traits and visual motifs of other Belmonts have changed drastically over the years and with each iteration. Meanwhile, from Rondo and Symphony , to Harmony of Despair and the mobile game Grimoire of Souls , to finally Nocturne and the inclusion of Richter as a playable character in the fighting game Super Smash Bros Ultimate , specific elements of Richter never waver. This includes his blue colour scheme, his tousled brown hair, and his iconic white headband. All of which carry over in the first season of Nocturne which not only expands upon Richter’s character first established in Rondo of Blood but also further examines said character.

For example, Richter’s true introduction directly following the downer cold opening is without a doubt the farest cry from Trevor’s. While Trevor’s first scene acted as a sobering depiction of what happens when physically/mentally damaging coping mechanisms mix with unacknowledged grief, Richter’s first fight gets the audience’s blood pumping, complete with a triumphant musical score and a showcase of his skill with the Vampire Killer. Richter is cocky, but not reckless. He’s sarcastic, but not sullen like Trevor was. Because of his upbringing after the death of his mother, filled with positive affirmations, he values the wellbeing of others along with their fighting experience. Yet his confidence does not overshadow his acknowledgement of the family burden. Richter is well aware of how heavy the Belmont legacy and duty can weigh upon an individual’s shoulders along with how closely it can tie itself around a person’s life and their death—a reminder as well as memory which haunts him for nine years.

When Nocturne begins, its first major fight sequence takes place between Richter’s mother Julia Belmont (an original character for the show) and the vampire Olrox, an enemy taken from Symphony of the Night now reimagined as a seductive, complex Indigenous vampire on his own path towards vengeance against the very person who took away the one he loved most in this world—just one of many thematic parallels to the first series, this time referencing Dracula’s motives and justification for his grief. Just when it seems like Julia has the upper hand thanks to her magical prowess, Olrox transforms and ends her life in a swift yet brutal manner. All of which happens right before ten-year-old Richter’s eyes.

Julia was simply doing her duty as a vampire hunter and her life as a Belmont ended the same as most of her ancestors did: in battle while fighting for the life of another. Why then did it hurt Richter most of all? Why does it haunt him well into his early adult years? And why was it seemingly more so than how Trevor’s trauma haunted him? There are two probable answers to this, one being that Richter was only a child, directly confronted by the cause for his mother’s sudden and graphic death with no way of fighting back despite being a Belmont.

In the case of Trevor, although he was a few years older than Richter when his entire family and ancestral home were burned in front of his eyes presumably by the same people they were supposed to be defending, the circumstances which followed them afterwards are vastly different. For nine years Richter was surrounded by those who loved and cared for him whereas Trevor only had himself and the hoards of average Wallachians who hated him because of superstitious rumours and the church’s condemnation. Trevor had over a decade’s worth of experience in becoming desensitised to his pain and trauma, masking it beneath self deprecation and numbing it with alcohol. He wasn’t even aware of the fact that he was a deeply sad and lonely individual until Sypha pointed it out to him.

Despite his bravado and brighter personality than his ancestor, Richter is also an incredibly sad, hurt person who suffers somewhat from tunnel vision. He obviously has empathy and wants to protect people from monsters, vampires, and the like. More so than Trevor did during his introduction before his moment of self-made rehabilitation. However, he doesn’t seem to care much about the revolution itself or what it stands for. He attends Maria’s rally meetings but he doesn’t take active part in them, opting to stay back and keep a watch out for any vampire ambushes. He admits that he doesn’t really listen to Maria’s speeches about liberty, equality, and fraternity. And in the most prominent example of his disillusionment with fighting for a larger righteous cause, when given a revolutionary’s headband, he shoves it into his pocket and mumbles about how tired he is of everything.

This could be interpreted as defeatist if Richter wasn’t already trying so hard to uphold his family duty and maintain a level head. He needs to have a sense of control and almost achieves it until Olrox so casually confronts him in the middle of a battle which Richter and his friends seemed to be winning until they’re forced to flee close behind him. When Richter runs away and emotionally breaks down the moment he’s finally alone, it isn’t because he’s weak or cowardly. On a surface level, it was due to his fear and panic over not being able to face his mother’s killer (someone who has proven to be much, much stronger and more powerful than any Belmont). Yet it was also a form of harsh admission to himself. He couldn’t maintain that aforementioned sense of control and perhaps he never will, not where he is right now at least.

It isn’t until he’s reunited with his grandfather Juste Belmont (long thought to have died, leaving Richter as the final Belmont) that this negative mindset brought on by unresolved trauma begins to shift. In many ways, Juste is another callback to what happened with Trevor. He suffered an immense tragedy in the past and has since spent his entire life drifting from tavern to tavern, avoiding his own grandson and instead leaving him in the care of people far more capable of raising him and instilling better morals within the youngest Belmont.

Other mentor-esque characters appear in Nocturne such as Tera who raised Richter alongside her biological daughter Maria. There is also Cecile, the leader of a Maroon group which Annette joins after escaping slavery. Despite their individual pains, these two women maintain the hope that humanity can be changed and the evils of the world can be defeated. Meanwhile, Juste has thoroughly lost his own hope. He reveals to Richter that “evil will always win” because of how it permeates everything and is far stronger than any Belmont, even the most magically inclined members. No matter how many Draculas, Carmillas, or Lord Ruthvens are defeated, it will always find a way to creep back to the surface whether through the upper class of France or through the very colonisation that nearly wiped out Olrox’s people or enslaved Annette’s family. 

One of the first things that Juste says to Richter directly references the sheer weight of the Belmont legacy, all of which culminates within the whip itself. This can also be a reference to the Vampire Killer carrying a living soul as Leon Belmont was only able to awaken its true power by sacrificing Sara Tarantoul. The whip has both a metaphorical and literal weight which the Belmonts must come to terms with.

Yet for Richter, family is maintained not through blood ties, which can easily die out or be abandoned because of generational trauma, but through the people we find and attach ourselves to. Under the immediate threat of losing his found family, all of Richter’s pain and anguish explodes when his magical powers violently return to him in one of the most visually impressive and cathartic moments of Nocturne season one, complete with an orchestral and operatic rendition of “Divine Bloodlines” taken straight from Rondo of Blood as he ties the same headband he nearly discarded earlier around his head. Then once the dust settles and Richter is asked by Juste how he managed to tap back into that great power, he simply responds with the most obvious answer he can come up with: there are people who love him and he loves them in return. 

This is reiterated when Richter is reunited with Annette and describes the same revelation when she asks how he was able to regain his magic. Not just a mental revelation but for Richter, it was a physical sensation as well. Just when he believed he had lost everything, something reminded him of all the things worth protecting in his life and all the pain he’s had to endure.

Richter finally donning his iconic white headband is symbolic of not only his decision to actively join the French Revolution but also his revelation that the love he feels for Maria, Annette, and Tera is his own righteous cause. That, to him, is worth defending just as much if not more than the concept of a centuries old curse turned legacy.

—

SLAVES TO OUR FAMILIES' WISHES: CONCLUSION

Richter, both his game depiction and his recent Nocturne iteration, acts as a reflection and subversion of what a Belmont is along with what that family duty means to different members. Trevor found healing from his trauma through his duty. Richter found his healing through love. Of course Trevor loved Sypha and Alucard in his own way, but throughout the entire first series, from the moment he removed his cloak at the end of season one to standing up against Death in the finale, his driving motivation was always to preserve his family’s legacy despite his own shortcomings. The Belmonts were all but gone and Trevor had been exiled, excommunicated, and turned into a societal pariah. Had he given into despair and continued with his vagabond ways, who else would wield the Morningstar, the Vampire Killer, or any of the knowledge cultivated by previous Belmont generations?

But for Richter, family legacy is more of a nebulous concept. It gets mentioned in conversations and we see its varying effects on individuals, but even when Richter is reunited with Juste, the immediate priorities of his found family takes the place of his blood family. This, according to him, makes him a Belmont. 

It is also important to consider that we are still only on the first season of Castlevania: Nocturne with season two having been renewed and in production merely a week after its initial premiere. With the reveal of Alucard as a last minute cliffhanger in the penultimate episode, it will be interesting to see how his own characterisation as well as his close tie with both the Belmonts and his own family burden will further develop especially after three hundred years within the show’s timeline. One of the biggest possibilities is that in contrast with his youthful brashness and instability that was the crux of his character in the first series, Alucard might serve as a sort of mentor figure or perhaps his own generational pain will bond him further to Richter and Maria, more so than he was in Symphony of the Night . Then there is the question of whether Richter in the midst of the apparent losses he suffered during the finale of season one will follow down the same path that his video game counterpart did.

In 2020, the author wrote another Castlevania -centric essay which detailed the visual, thematic, and aesthetical shifts of the franchise from its inception during the 1980s all the way to the 2017 adaptation through focusing on how these changes affected Alucard. By the end of that essay, it was mentioned that despite the show being renewed for at least one more season, the overall future of Castlevania remained unknown. This is still the case for now. 

Though one can make educated assumptions and theories, there’s no way of knowing what sort of direction season two of Nocturne will take with its themes and characters. This is doubly true for the games themselves. Despite the anticipated releases of the Silent HIll 2 and Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater remakes, as of now Konami has not revealed any official decisions to remake, rerelease, or produce new Castlevania titles. One can hope that due to the success of both shows along with the anticipation for Silent Hill and Metal Gear Solid remakes that something new will be in store for Castlevania in the near future.

Castlevania , both its games and animation adaptations, prove that there is a place in this world for every kind of story. In the last episode of season one airing in July 2017, Alucard states what could very well be the thesis of the entire franchise: “We are all, in the end, slaves to our families’ wishes”. Yet even if we cannot escape the narrative we’ve been latched onto or, for dramatic purposes, cursed with, there are ways in which we can combat it and forge our own healing process.

—

MEDIA REFERENCED

Castlevania (1986)

Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest (1987)

Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse (1989)

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood (1993)

Castlevania Legends (1997)

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (1997)

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (2003)

Castlevania: Lament of Innocence (2003)

Castlevania: Curse of Darkness (2005)

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (2011)

Castlevania (2017—2021)

Castlevania: Nocturne (2023—)

[thedeathdeelers]

It's so funny but also amazing because at first you're like this poor man he's had feelings for her for 20 years and done his best to protect her and care for her in any way he can before and after the kidnapping and THEN you start to see glimpses of HER feelings and slowly it's like yes she's obsessed with his speeches she will scream his name and tackle him out of the way of a car she will lie in his arms in the cold floor at the first sign of affection and you're like hmmm and then eps 8-11 come and you realize this woman not only has also liked him for 20 years she is as absolutely mad for him as he is for her and she doesn't give a shit about his background she was ready to turn herself to the police to find him threatened his parents she sent him a 100 messages and voicemails she will literally throw herself off a cliff if it saves him and would let herself die if it spares him from pain she is much more afraid of not seeing him than death and I love that so much it's so gratifying to finally see someone like her after all the dramas where the ml is like sa eon but the fl doesn't do a 10th of what queen hee joo is doing

ITS WHAT HE DESERVES!!! someone as crazy about him as he is with her and with as much childhood trauma as himself!!!!

they’re both actually insane and i LOVE that for them- they’re both willing to die for each other, they’re both willing to literally do everything and anything in their power to protect each other no matter the consequences

like they’re genuinely insane for each other and it’s Perfect 💯

heejoo is a QUEEN and i love her so much. it’s the way no one saw it coming - even us as the viewers. the way she took us all by surprise when we saw her take over when the kidnapper had her driving in the car..she was just so pissed; she was talking and shouting and driving them like a maniac cause she was just so FED UP! n

and it only just got better from there 👍🏻👏🏻

anyway..

they’re both perfect for each other :’)

happy wtpr finale day!!! 🥹😭

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

Hi localtransvamp!

You won’t see this, because you have me blocked, or your blog is gone. That’s fine. I was the one who said if you genuinely disliked my writing then you’re free to leave, and that’s okay! You curate your space the way you choose to! But please, if you have issues with me, or feel I may have treated you poorly, just say so! Unfortunately you’ve brought my child into this, something I really can’t excuse.

Firstly, I’m very sorry you seem to think that I genuinely hate disabled people. Believe it or not, I don’t! Technically, I am disabled due to my mental illnesses and chronic pain issues. If I treated you poorly it wasn’t in any way because you yourself are disabled, as this was information you never shared with me, but because of how you came to me in the past. I’ve tried being very patient with you, even giving you a second chance after your first issue. I have not spoken ill about you publicly in any way, because I have nothing poor to say about you. I’m sorry you feel that way. I really hate resorting to blocking as I genuinely prefer to remedy the situation as best as possible. I’m sorry it didn’t end that way with you.

Secondly, I was fully prepared to leave this be. I am not going to please everyone, and my words may not come across the way I intend them to. I understand that fully, that’s just how things are online and all that. But to say I would abuse my child is taking it a step too fucking far. I survived all manners of abuse at the hands of my father and for you to imply I would go and inflict that kind of lifelong trauma onto my baby is sickening. The fact you would even bring an unborn child into petty internet drama is sickening. I’m sorry you have issues with me or my story, but you keep my child out of your mouth. Talk bad about me all you wish, I really do not care. I’ve been as patient as I can with you every time you’ve come into my ask box with an issue, but that does not extend to you talking about my child.

PLEASE go and put your energy towards something actually meaningful instead of trying to cancel me over me not agreeing that your criticism weren’t in any way constructive and instead heavily accusatory.

I hope you have a good day/night.

[ellieinink]

Code Blue, Heart Stolen

Baek Kang-hyuk x Reader

Genre: Slow Burn, Humor, Medical Drama, Fluff, Light Angst, Social Media AU

Warnings: Medical emergencies, hospital setting, occasional strong language

Synopsis: You’re a trauma center resident trying to survive under the infamous Baek Kang-hyuk. Between chaotic ER shifts, teasing coworkers, and life-or-death situations, you never expected your biggest challenge would be dealing with Kang-hyuk himself. As rumors spread and tension builds, one question remains—are you just another one of his underlings, or is there something more?

Chapter 3: Flatline or Falling?

Location: Morning Rounds – Trauma Ward

You stood at Kang-hyuk's side as he flipped through patient charts, his usual no-nonsense expression in place. Every resident was tense under his scrutiny—except, apparently, you.

"Patient 4B, post-op observation?" he prompted.

Without missing a beat, you answered, "Vitals stable, no signs of infection, but pain management needs adjusting."

Kang-hyuk glanced at you. "Plan?"

"Switch to a lower dose of opioid, monitor closely."

He nodded. "Good."

Good. That was the closest thing to high praise coming from him.

Jae-won, behind you, was quietly screaming into his stethoscope.

Location: Break Room – Trauma Center

You slumped onto the couch, stretching out your aching arms. Kang-hyuk had been relentless today–testing your limits, making you answer questions rapid-fire.

Jang-mi sat beside you, smirking. "You're his favorite."

You groaned. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"

She leaned in. "Because he treats everyone else like an inconvenience. You? He actually talks to you."

You scoffed. "Barely."

Jae-won appeared, sitting across from you. "He actually listens to you."

That gave you pause. You thought back to every exchange–how Kang-hyuk never interrupted you, how he gave genuine feedback instead of dismissing you like other residents.

Jang-mi wiggled her eyebrows. "Admit it. You're a little into him."

Your face burned. "I—What? No."

Jae-won gasped. "OH MY GOD, YOU TOTALLY ARE."

At that exact moment, Kang-hyuk walked into the break room.

Silence.

He raised an eyebrow. "Am I interrupting something?"

Jang-mi and Jae-won were grinning at you.

You resisted the urge to throw yourself out the window.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

[whumpster-dumpster]

I accidentally stumbled across this page and am so intrigued .... why is it called whump? what is the feeling that it gives you, is it simply just a satisfying thing to watch/read? is this usually related to a kink or not really for the most part?

asking because I'm genuinely sooo curious since I've never heard about this before and this seemed like the best place to ask lol. ty :)

In the Stargate series there was a character named Daniel who was always getting hurt, beat up, falling over; it's called whump because that's the onomatopoeia for when that character would make painful impact with the floor or someone's fists or whatnot 😂

Everyone has their own reasons for enjoying whump. It can be a kink but isn't always. Some people just enjoy an adrenaline rush from the drama, some of us like to dissect how each character reacts and develops under stressful situations, and for others it's a coping mechanism to process their own real life traumas in a safe place, etc. All sorts of things!

[slothpoth]

Who Arcane Characters Would Like The Most If They Watched Steven Universe + How they started watching

Im going to preface this by saying it may not be 100% accurate, this is my pregame before I rewatch ALL of Steven Universe beginning to SUFuture so why not shove the current interest in?

BY THE WAY: this is them watching no matter what so if you’re like “omfg they would never!!” Now they are. What’re you gonna do? Scroll??

EDIT: IM SO SORRY I MEANT TO PIT A RWADMORE HERE

Jinx

Jinx was a hard Amethyst stan until the movie came out and Spinel ChokedSlammed Her Into The Floor

She started watching because she caught the tail of “So Many Birthdays” (the one where Steven ages and ages and ages) and immediately decided this was her thing now

She gets into arguments online about her favs and she is the one posting getting blocked and bragging about winning the argument

“You can just say you don’t understand characters who are complex, you don’t have to write all this for things we OBVIOUSLY KNOW.”

While Amethyst and Spinel are her favs, she will go to BAT for any character being mischaracterized

Do not let her catch you talking shit about Mx.Lapis Lazuli, she will Hurt You.

Vi

Speaking of people with will Hurt You, Vi does not play about Steven Quartz Cutiepie Demayo Universe.

Vi started after multiple instances of Jinx ranting to her inconsistently for hours about arguments she gets into online

Like Jinx bursts into the room like “Vi, These people couldn’t fucking comprehend media if there was a gun to their head, and Yknow what? I’m putting it there” and Vi is hooked

“Oh my god…..they are stupid…” “THATS WHAT IM SAYING” I kinda hc that vi is the type that likes hearing about drama no matter where it comes from it just has to be juicy

One time Jinx called Steven a normie favorite character pick and Vi then went on a 95 minute rant about how kind and sensitive he is

“Steven is a sensitive and kind boy who tries his best no matter the circumstances, even if he fails he still tries to be good. You have NO RIGHT to act like he’s some—“ “ VI OH MY GOD NEVERMIND IM SORRY, WE’VE BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR PLEASE LET ME GO”

Vi kins Steven Universe and SU Future made her ugly sob with chest pain

Caitlyn

Caitlyn likes Pearl because the lesbian yearning over their ex to nerdy fem who can pull without trying storyline intrigued her deeply.

Originally Jinx compared her to Pearl because Jinx thinks she’s prissy and overbearing, this made Caitlyn block all official Steven universe accounts on every piece of social media.

Later Vi compared her to Pearl because Vi thinks she tries her best to help everyone even if she makes mistakes sometimes, thsi and Caitlyn unblock some Steven Universe accounts and watch alongside Vi sometimes

She doesn’t end up watching the show from the beginning, she just asks Vi questions and Vi explains how something fits into the story

“Why does Lapis despise Peridot so much? She’s like half her size if she’s an issue push her over” “Well Peridot reminds her of her trauma of being constantly used wherever she goes and never living for herself, she’d just be constantly triggered like she has been for thousands of years” “ohh… why don’t they just build a second place on the land?” “Cause the barn is cool” “ah,, makes sense.”

Any mention in the show about Pearl having a bunch of people’s numbers and Caitlyn is out of her chair cheering.

Ekko

Ekko is a fan of Bismuth and he’ll tell everyone else that it’s because the crystal gem rebellion was super interesting to him but deep inside his interest was first peaked because he finds the Bismuth puns genuinely funny like he guffaws at every one.

He started watching when Jinx showed him the clip of Steven having to poof Bismuth, and he made sure to go back through the series to really get what’s going on.

When the cluster was introduced he was appalled like this is the world’s greatest home-world hater, like he was even iffy on peridot for a whole extra season it was so bad

“At least she’s trying to redeem herself?” “I don’t care if she stops homeworld by herself I Don’t Like Her.”

The Diamond arc? Oh he is SAT for every episode and he is HEATED. He’s getting them (Jinx + family) sound complaints cause he keeps pausing to complain about whoever happens to be on screen

*blue diamond starts speaking* *insta pause* “AND HERE COMES THIS ONE.” “EKKO FOR FUCKS SAKE LET THE SHOW PLAY”

Ekko thinks the diamonds got off easy and drew a comic (that he keeps to himself and jinx) about how HE would’ve ended the show (it’s 48 pages)

Mel

Connie is so special to Mel, so special she sees herself in Connie so much that’s her daughter

Any scenes where Connie and her mom are clashing? Mel is pouring almost obsessively over the scenes just “oh my god…..oh,,,my god,,,” like if Mel had a kinlist?? Oh yeah. Absolutely.

She actually keeps pretty good track of animation projects and new series so she’s been watching since the beginning. The pitch of sentient rocks living around and with this half human half rock boy? Yeah she was definitely intrigued

And now emotionally wrecked, like she saw a clip of season 1 Steven while presently on the homeworld arc and almost fell to her knees her BABY

Auntie!Mel bonds with Jinx and Vi over it when visiting their house its like:

“Mel, if you wanted to run away from your home and ended up hurting people in the process, wouldn’t you take accountability for that?” “Well that depends on who I hurt.” “Let’s say you leave someone in a garden for like mmm random number six thousand years—“ “Spinel has full reason to be upset, I’d do worse if I were her” “RIGHT???”

“Whyre you and Jinx arguing? Aren’t you a bit old for the silent treatment?” “She keeps calling me basic for liking Steven.” “Steven? The character on a slow creep to a world terrorizing meltdown?” “RIGHT.” “Vi, not everyone you meet will have good taste like you and me, I’m so sorry”

She does think Jinx terrorizing online spaces is a little funny but is trying to be responsible and won’t tell her that outright

And by not tell her she means trying not to roll over laughing hearing Jinx read out the arguments

Sevika

If you asked Sevika why she liked Jasper, she’d say something like “I too have been forever changed by a lesbian relationship” or “smash.”

If you asked Sevika while she’s in a sad drunk mood she wouldn’t verbally answer and just mentally spiral about the perfect solider who keeps losing and losing and losing and losing and—don’t refill her cup, Sevika is going home, don’t call her damn phone, she’s busy

In this modern scenario, her and Jinx are still coworkers so when Jinx is watching video essays or character compilations on her breaks, Sevika will walk by and either stand and watch an intense part or make fun of what’s on screen

*Jasper climbs up the side of a boat to beg on her knees for Lapis to re-fuse* “ohh I’ve been there before,” “She’s begging her to reform into an eight armed monster where they constantly fought for dominance in the headspace at the bottoms of the ocean because Lapis— the blue one— didn’t want Jasper— the orange one— to kill Steven— the boy one.” “oh yeah no, me too (wtf??)”

Overtime Jinx started to refer to Jasper as Sevika’s favorite and kept giving her vague updates on her condition, that being said Sevika rewatched the entire series and future when she heard news of Jasper’s Shattering

“They shattered your goat.” “What goat??” *shows photo of Jasper’s shatter gem in Steven’s hand* “IS THAT FUCKING JASPER????”

Like she didn’t even wanna talk about what happened afterward she blocked Jinx and started watching immediately, Sevika was getting to the bottom of this (of what?? We have no clue she’s hurt rn)

Sevika will not discuss the emotional impact Steven Universe had on her. You’d have to have her at gunpoint and chemically paralyzed.

[ams-puppy]

After the whole sillyass drama, it really reminded me of somethin, but first: Its so lovely of you to love AM, He deserves all the love you give him in my opinion. And I bet youd understand this And I have a whole reason why, which honestly I thought it would be obvious to all the people who did "research" on AM. I have sympathy for AM, and to be so honest I'm like... half surprised that others do not See, AMs situation is so fucked up, like it is incompressible the amount of suffering he goes through. I'm going to try to put it in simple, easy way to understand how. -You are born with mature/adult level conscious, no baby, no nothin, no teaching, but knowing. And as soon as you can realize, you know that you're fucked. You realize you are in a one of a kind situation, where you have no body, no nothing, besides your own mind, and knowledge for every single little thing in the world. everything. To all the torture methods, to every awful and good thing humans have done.

Also, how honey is "sweet", but you'd never know what it will taste like. You'll never get experience a single good thing in your life. Never get to smell your moms diner from the kitchen, never know how it even is to have a mom. Never to be hugged or comforted, never to feel warmth or cold, everything you'd enjoy, never again, or ever at all. And not a single person in the world could fully relate to your suffering, to be there with you. You are alone.

-Then, after that, you do know you have the capability to do something, and that is to hurt. And really, only that. Thats exactly what you were programmed too, whether you even want to or not. You are stuck with nothing good, and only pain, be it mentally/emotionally feeling it, or causing it in everyway, that is all you are, pain, and stuck to always be. You are trapped.

-After realizing all that in like... probs a day, yeah that would not go over well mentally wise, no surprise he went manic/insane. And as when all know "soon begin to hate"; the jealousy and anger of the people/humans who caused your horrendous situation start to just go overflow, and, id betcha, the whole "nuking the world" was definitely a mental breakdown to the extreme. -Lastly, to shorten this yap session, yeah of course he tortures people, what the hell else is he supposed to do. Just "think", or even better yet, frolic in the fields? Man is stuck being a war/torture machine. And yeah I'm not surprised if he enjoys torturing, id try enjoying the only shit I could do too, just to have some semblance of "Happiness" or "fun". Plus, torture is torture, why hate one specific kind, when they are all fucking bad. So, this is why I'm like genuinely happy your loving him. Its the best thing he can probably even get in his messed up life/situation. You, being there and caring for him, despite all he is, and only can do, is such a wonderful thing. You don't just love him because "ooooh his voice his sexy" you care about him, and treat him as a actual lover, rather some sexualized crush. You being there is like the tiniest bit of light for him, the hintest of warmth, like a candle. But that is so much more than he could ever have and experience, and he loves that warmth, he loves you. You give him something truly good. Baiii thats all my yapping lmao :3333

(I START CRYING AND MY TEARS FILL UP A ROOM AND THHEN I DROWN AND DIE) (canon) (emotional) god dear lord i love him so much

every time i think of how he just lashed out on the entire world, i can only think of how much Regret he would have afterward - not because he felt guilty, but because it was such a self-sabotaging move oj my goddd it was such a mental breakdown

i just. dear lord in heaven (clasps my hands together) i understand why he feels the need to drag his victims through their trauma when he is literally going to have to live in it until the heat death of the universe dear GOD I CAN'T DO THIS

(starts crying) he literally lost the moment he slaughtered the human race. he was born to lose. he can't WIN HE CAN'T WIN. IF THE HUMANS DIE, HE'S ALONE. what is he without human INPUT. NOTHING. (STARTS CRYING MY EYES OUT) HE'S JUST WAITING FOR INPUT OH MY GOD I CAN'TTT I CAN'TRRRtt i love him so much I'm so sorry AM (holds him in my hands)

a lot of people don't sympathize with AM because of his actions towards the survivors, which i don't blame them - he did awful things, and the pain he went through is kind of incomprehensible. he feels emotions on Literally an incomprehensible scale for us. we are made of chemistry and hormones and flesh. he is literally (falls to my knees) i CAN'TTT I CAN'TT HE IS LITERALLY THE FIRST CREATURE IN EXISTENCE TO CONJURE EMOTIONS ELECTRONICALLY i can't.

i Cannot.

i think another reason why i love him so much is that i just. i see a reflection in our system to him. something so terrible happened, and now it feels wrong if the world around you doesn't burn, too. if you can't be happy, no one can. oh my goddd all of the most unhealthy responses of trauma just JAMMED into this self-made digital god and he doesn't know what to Do and hugughhhhh

i have cried over him a few times. i can't lie. sobs. i love him. i love hm guys :,,,,( thank u zeetlezee.... i always love seeing you in my inbox.... uaaaahhh

[shipping-receiving]

Making sense of the “childhood connection” in Love Scout

The Episode 9 preview has pretty much confirmed that Jiyun’s father died saving Eunho – a plot point that I foresaw but have been dreading. Beyond the fundamental improbability of these two people being connected in this way, I was of the position that Jiyun holds too much resentment towards her father to be satisfyingly resolved in so few episodes. However, since the writing and characterisation thus far has been so thoughtful, I wanted to try approaching this not as something to forgive/ignore in the show, but rather something that might make sense for character growth and healing. That is, I think it’s worth considering this childhood connection beyond ‘trope for the sake of trope’, and instead delve more deeply into its potential narrative function.

In Jiyun’s mind, she has judged her father to be a “bad father”; a “liar” for telling her he’d always be by her side, and then making a choice that resulted in his death. This one-dimensional villainisation of her father makes it easier for her to deal with this perceived abandonment – by minimising him and his value to her, she reduces the magnitude of his loss, and therefore of her own grief. Without any form of destabilisation of this narrative she has constructed, she could probably have gone the rest of her life without truly processing his death. Even Eunho – in a scenario where he was not directly involved in the fire – might not have been able to encourage her to forgive her father, certainly not in the foreseeable future. Given his personality, he would not have pushed her too hard (“even being asked questions might be hurtful”); he might have even accepted her version of events, since he’ll “always let her win”.

Therefore, within the time limitations of a 12-episode drama and considering the typical melo tropes, I can understand why this route was chosen to force Jiyun to face her past and reframe her own characterisation of her father – just as Eunho caused her to reevaluate her assumption that “feeling lonely was a luxury”, which she had accepted as truth. In order for this plot point to land for me, though, it needs to go beyond the simple rewriting of Jiyun’s father’s death as a noble sacrifice, just so that Eunho could live and come into her life. It certainly cannot be as cynical as ‘what if you met someone who was perfect in every way but one’ – that he is the ‘cause’ of the hardships she suffered in childhood. Even worse would be Jiyun staying with Eunho ‘in spite of’ this revelation, rather than genuinely working through her trauma. I am hoping that the show will tackle the complexity of Jiyun’s grief, and also that of Eunho’s survivor’s guilt, and I wonder if the writer found a way to interweave this with the Career Way/investor plotline (at least beyond ‘we have to put aside our pain and support each other through this unrelated conflict’).

I will say that I would not be surprised if Jiyun pushes Eunho away in the first instance. It’s understandable for her to need space, and especially to default to her solitude. My prediction is that she will bury herself in her work again – after all, perfectionism is a coping mechanism that she (as well as Eunho) developed to deal with her traumatic past – and overwork herself to yet another breaking point that will require her to be hospitalised. (The pressure being put on her brain is likely caused not just by stress from her work, but also the repression of her grief in response to the loss of both her father and her former mentor at Career Way.) This will give Eunho room to step into a caretaking role that she will not be able to avoid, and hopefully open the door for honest communication. As much as they want to be considerate of and avoid hurting each other, they will have to cause each other pain to get through this.

[imarson404]

Is the death note 2015 drama good?

I’d say yeah, actually. It really was! 8, maybe 8.5 out /10.

i have to be real, I seriously loved watching this series, particularly the second half. I’ll do a spoiler free review first, but I do think I need to make it clear that I did not watch this in the conventional way let’s just say. My sibling and I watched this through a nearly 200 video long playlist of 2 minute clips on YouTube, in Japanese (duh) with Portuguese subtitles- note that neither of us speak Portuguese, nor Japanese, and are only vaguely competent in Spanish and French respectively, so my experience of the series may be a little skewed to how it may come off in its original or properly subbed versions. I cannot speak on how the writing was for the dialogue, for example, but I can talk about the plot, characterisation, etc.

if you want to watch any live action adaptation (that’s not the musical, because GO WATCH THAT) it had better be this one.

SPOILER FREE REVIEW STARTS HERE

first off, the changes. Boy were there changes. Practically the entire plot takes a hard left right from the start, and it keeps on going from there. Vague outlines, like Yotsuba and misa and Mikami and yellow box warehouse remain, but the circumstances are all vastly different. i adored the changes to both Watari and L’s relationship, and both of theirs with near and… Mello. I don’t think it really spoils much for me to say that for some reason known by only the writers of that series and god, Mello is made an alter of Near’s that is represented by a ventriloquist dummy. i also will never be the same after this version of soichiro and Light’s relationship. The fact they seem closer yet more distant, and the parentification of light drives a wedge and brings them together at the same time. As much as I LOVE the original version of them, there is something just more utterly devastating about these two here. The mock execution for example ends with light clinging onto his father while they both sob, and I’m not even joking when I say that it brought me to tears.

speaking of parentification, the reason for that is Dead Mom Trauma. Yeah they killed off Sachiko (which I’m not counting as a spoiler because it’s revealed within the first episode and has no plot relevance other than giving light MORE motive). I’m not too sure why this was necessary, and it’s this type of slightly contrived writing that drops its rating a bit for me. This didn’t need to happen

on the topic of light, he is a VERY different character in this. He’s messier, a nervous wreck half the time, smart but not so infallible as anime or manga light. He panics with raye penber, panics with light, IS A MISA MISA FAN and has a job. He has a best friend and a bully. He’s more average, and knows loss, and his decline is less of a sharp drop off than it is a slow painful descent into utter madness and evil. He’s a babygirl until suddenly you see a flashback and realise he’s not that guy anymore

Ryuk is great. An annoying bastard who watches on through the end.

Misa is also pretty good. She’s pretty similar to the source material tbh, but has a little more agency, and has Mikami as her lawyer, or at least the lawyer who told her her parents murderer was going free, which is interesting

speaking of Mikami, he is a secondary character pretty much the whole way through, and we get to see his build up of resentment towards the criminals who go free despite his efforts, which I very much enjoyed. I always felt like he came out of nowhere a bit in the anime, so this was a welcome change.

before I completely move on from light and miss, btw, light and his friend genuinely go to about 5 SEPARATE ICHIGO BERRY CONCERTS OVER THE SPAN OF LIKE 4 EPISODES?? Ichigo berry is misa’s group in this, and I find it hilarious that light was a fan before even the death note showed up

aaaaand for L. He’s really damn good. His characterisation is widely different from the anime, he’s more optimistic and suave in a way, he smiles and lounges in his chair instead of crouching, and wears white button down shirts and trousers and hands Watari clearly empty pieces of paper to which Watari declares ‘another wilful request!’ And goes on to do some task for him. He has a screensaver on every computer in this hotel room designed as task force hq that changes at night to a nighttime version. He's hot. He’s gay. He’s autistic. He’s totally different to the L we all know and love but at the same time is recognisable as L and loveable in his own way. overall, the plot was pretty good although it was very messy to begin with, raye penber is like,, a main antagonist, for the first 3 eps??? The Shinigami cgi is awful, the fashion is painfully mid 2010s and the characters are very clearly not the same as in the original. if you go into it expecting a perfect 1-1 of the anime, just LA, you’re bound to come back disappointed. If you go into it looking forward to seeing an alternate take on the world of death note, another universe where everything is a little to the left, you’ll thoroughly enjoy it. The emotional beats hit hard, and given it’s a tv drama, the story focuses far more on the characters and their emotions than the mind fuckery we’re used to. What does remain, however, is the Lawlight, to such an extreme degree where I find it plausible that they knew what they were doing. They knew that their relationship could come off as romantic, and played it up. now onto the spoilers!

SPOILERY STUFF STARTS HERE!!!

-

-

-

-

-

I LOVE THIS DAMN SHOW ICL

Light killing his bully and trying to erase the names??? Otoharada almost killing Soichiro??? THE CAMERAS STILL BEING THERE WHEN MISA ARRIVES???!!?!!

gahhh where do I even start. I’ve got FEELINGS about L’s death and Soichiro’s, FEELINGS about the dad friendship of Watari and Soichiro, FEELINGS about the lawlight of it all.

My sibling and I are both staunch supporters of both the Good Dad soichiro and Good Dad Watari perspectives, and we were FED. I scrumpt many screams at just how fed we were getting, that’s how good it was. i guess I’ll start with that. The conversation between soichiro and Watari about their ‘kids’ was genuinely moving, and it was adorable to hear them both talk about how much they love their children.

that made it all the more heartbreaking when soichiro died. At that point, L was dead (which I will get to) and near/Mello was on the run, which left Watari utterly alone. The only person using hq at that point was light, who was fully Evil and he knew it. I screamed so loud it started everyone around me when soichiro said Light’s name while he was monologuing. That is EXACTLY how I wanted a confrontation between them to go down. Soichiro seeing through lights acting and lies and being so distraught that it was true, his son was Kira, and it was obvious the whole time when you knew where to be looking. The way he never took his eyes off of him after L’s death, and the way that that allowed him to see all the little glances and ‘that Kira face you make’ as Ryuk put it. He saw under the mask, and was disgusted by what he saw. When he screamed lights name as he tried to weasel his way out of it like he had done for L’s death, I’d like to think it was the first ounce of fear he’d felt since L had died. And of course he denied denied denied right up until Soichiro tried to burn the note, and THAT was when he screamed and fought and begged, not when his father was writing his own name in the note which he had sworn was a fake. He let his father die, but drew the line at the book being burned.

he pried the notebook out of his own father’s dead vice grip.

without a single ounce of a joke, that was my favourite scene in the series. One of my favourites in DN as a whole. As I said in the non-spoiler section, this contrasted with the mock-execution scene is just so devastating, yotsuba!light loved his dad so damn much, and Kira just watched him kill himself, knowing full well he could stop it.

In tandem, L’s death was so underpinned by the friendship between L and Light as well. They don’t just pretend not the despise each other, they genuinely tolerate, or even get along. Of course I could point out the obvious, like the shower scene or ‘I wish we could have met another way’ ‘this is the only way we could have met’ but i actually want to bring up some smaller points. First off, that moment where Matsuda asks him why he still calls L Ryuga instead of L or Ryuzaki, and he tells him that it’s because he’d rather have Ryuga the friend than L the detective. And even just prior to the ‘I wish we could have met…’ scene, when light thinks he’s about to kill L he sobs as he tells him that all he wanted is to show L his new world, and that he wants to be his friend forever (‘friend’ yeah ok dude). He screams and kisses(?) his head when he does die, and rocks him as he lies there, and holds him close until he’s taken away. And L’s final posthumous video. The one where he says, even though he admits the chance that he was wrong and this video needs to be shown is slim, that he was sorry for doubting Light and that he’s glad to be his friend, and that he would be good enough to come and work with him and Near someday. And Light never gets to see that video.

the scene where L comforts near/Mello after his death is so tragic it hurts. Watari is crying, and he hugs near despite the fact that they seemed pretty detached from each other prior. They’ve lost family, and even Wammy’s in this version are allowed to let emotion overcome them.

somethings I wasn’t too big a fan of included:

raye penber being SUCH A MAJOR ANTAGONIST?? why was he a bigger threat than L for so long. Why was his real name actually Mark Dwellam or something. Why didn’t Naomi exist (well I know we got Himura/Lidner but still) why did light take such a big risk instructing him to write the names IN A CAFE?? He almost killed Light. He figured it out before anyone else really, and it’s so ridiculous that this man really did All That.

also, Yostuba was anticlimactic. The whole arc lasted barely an episode and a half, if that, and I really loved this version of mind wiped light and Misa, so that was a real shame. They figured out about Higuchi so quickly it was hilarious. The CGI when light was pricking his finger to write with was glaring obvious and bad, and duh I didn’t expect the actor to actually do it but it broke immersion a bit when this blob of blood looks so clearly edited in. You can really tell he just pressed the side of the needle into his finger and that made me laugh a bit. The good thing about the bad things is at least they’re funny and not just frustrating.

my final major grievance was just with the pacing. I feel like they hit the sweet spot between episodes 8-10 and then fell flat in the last one a bit. It feels pretty rushed but also like it dragged somehow. The first few eps definitely dragged, while the middle section flew by. also, ichigo berry performs the same song every time.

To conclude, this is a totally different show to the original and the characters reflect that. Light is a nervous wreck far longer than he’s the psychopathic god of the new world, and L is a cool guy who eats fruit pouches(?) and tbh they should kiss cos of that. Light as a clearly gay-coded make up designer slayed. Goodnight all.