it wasn't kind, it was kind of boring
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Thinking about how my mom in her 50s who has met and know tons of people throughout her life still believes some people are genuinely good and generally have more faith in humanity than I do
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
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drawing my favorite fictional characters as squinkly little chibis instead of doing a deep dive into their character flaws and shortcomings is a moral failing on my part and so is thinking it would be nice if they had some closure. wanting anything other than the outcome ordained by the author is actually a fundamental failure to understand the text which is extremely purposeful in its rejection of conventional narratives and challenging ideas about storytelling. in fact i was wrong to actually like the characters or the story at all
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Volo in Pandemonic Paradise: "Arceus is under my control, and I can now rewrite the world to be a better place! Nobody can stop me, not even Arceus's Chosen!"
Ingo in Pandemonic Paradise: *Coming up behind Volo with a steel chair*
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had a moment of profound frustration looking at bougie winter gear, because i want a fleece that is plastic-free if possible & am in a position to get relatively expensive winter clothes as long as i am confident that i will keep & use them for a long time. anyway came across one which is cream trimmed with elaborate woven bands, described as "nordic," and got mad—those decorative woven bands aren't vaguely nordic, they're specifically saami; sapmi weavers have had to struggle to preserve these traditions in the face of ongoing repression by nordic governments. just absolutely infuriating but not particularly surprising that a vegan, earth-friendly clothing company is so comfortable using indigenous aesthetics without indigenous connections
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I do love replaying Deponia, I think I am just gonna keep doing that to wind down for the forseeable future. It's nostalgia. It's engaging with something creative, a story, without writing. It's tiring you out very well so you'll actually sleep. It keeps me off social media. It gives me something to look forward to. I think this habit will be kept up for at least the rest of the semester when I still have work to do.
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