#the difference is fucking wild. i did not think it would be this wild

[wwefan2002]

Mami's medicine

Rhea x !fem reader

summary: rhea gets put into a hospital for her sex addiction and the reader has a crush on her and becomes her nurse, but Rhea refuses all medication except she will take the reader ;) enjoy it's going to be a bit long, but I hope it's worth it.

TW: rough sex, anal, strap on sex, fingering, degrading, dirty talk, talk of mental illness and addiction, oral

18+ MINORS DNI

A/N: Hi hope you guys enjoy this one thanks to @mamimania for the idea for this one hope I did your idea justice. ;)

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You walk the hallway checking on the other patient's, checking on them making sure they feel comfortable in their rooms and to check up on them. Your coworker had mentioned that there was a new patient that had just shown up today she said you would freak out when you saw who it was, but you didn't believe her. You walked to room 218 and as you looked in your jaw almost hit the floor.

"holy shit" you said under your breath but still loud enough to be heard by her you tried to compose yourself as you looked at her. She lifted her head to see who it was that was speaking as she did, she smiled, you couldn't believe your eyes Rhea Ripley was in your hospital and you just became her nurse. Your heart about jumping out of your chest like it was doing a long jump, you finally composed yourself as you entered her room.

"Hi, you must be the nurse" she said as she smiled at you, you wanted to start screaming you couldn't believe your favorite wrestler was here of all places. You gazed into her eyes as you smiled, her eyes a beautiful oceanic blue. You looked her up and down admiring her figure looking over all of her tattoos that adorn her skin, your eyes trace over the patterns before returning to her eyes.

"yes Iam sorry i...its just im a big wrestling fan and would never have excepted you of all people to be here" you retorted as you gazed at Rhea. She was putting away the last of her things in her dresser as she turned and sat on the bed her eyes met yours again. She smiled as she looked you up and down starting from your amber colored locks to your curvy yet slender figure her eyes tracing your curves from your big yet perky boobs to your toned stomach all the way to your smooth supple legs.

"well I'm glad to meet a fan I'm not in here for the reason most may think though see I have a different kind of addiction instead of drugs or alcohol I'm addicted to women and what I'm seeing is making my addiction go wild right now" Rhea said with a devilish smile. You looked at her and smiled, you looked at the chart near the door as you browsed through it see indeed, she is in here for having a sex addiction. You look at the pages seeing they have her prescribed for hormone blockers to try to suppress the urges she's having but you know that won't help her as it's just a placebo rather than actual hormone blockers that they will give her, and they will just keep her in her room so she can't fuck anyone.

" well, I have a few questions to ask you if that's ok so I can better help understand your addiction" You retort as you put the chart back and close the door and lock it before you pull out the desk chair that sits near the desk. You sit and you look at the walls briefly looking over the wallpaper all the walls adorned with bluish red wallpaper with a simple clock and desk with a small lamp on the desk.

" Sure of course I'm surprised I thought this place would be like padded walls and cell doors like you see on tv or movies" Rhea admits as she looks out the window in the room before turning her head back to you smiling and chuckling a bit.

" no we aren't that type of hospital we deal with less severe illness almost like a detox or rehab center home for people" You retort and chuckle as you get comfy facing Rhea. Your mind racing at the naughty thoughts that now entered your brain as you try to block them out and focus on your work. You would be lying if you said you didn't have a crush on Rhea, she was amazing, and you couldn't help but stare at her and she frankly couldn't stop staring at you either.

" So, I'll be honest with you they have you on what they call "hormone blockers" but it's really nothing it's just bullshit they are just going to keep you in your room to try and stop you from doing anything with anyone, but I know that's not what you need" You say smirking a little at Rhea as you look at her legs crossed her hands resting on her lap as she sits with her sweatpants on and a motionless in white t shirt. She still looked beautiful to you despite not having on her signature black makeup she still looked stunning to you as your eyes wandered all over her body.

" Well then what do you think I need doll" Rhea retorts as she smirks. Your heart melting at hearing her call you doll. You just want her to take you and do unspeakable things to you, but you also know that this is your job. You look at your notes playfully before gazing back up to meet Rhea's gaze.

"I think you just need a really good lay how long has it been since you had sex" you Inquire as you almost gawk over Rhea tracing the lines of her tattoos and her curves with your eyes. You can't stop thinking about how bad you would submit to her. You glance down at your notes as Rhea speaks.

"I haven't had sex in probably months I have tried to get out and meet people, but nothing ever works or I'm always too busy to actually have sex with anyone" Rhea states as her head drops a bit staring at her lap. She felt as if she was the problem like she couldn't get laid because she was doing something wrong. While she never stated that you could see it just from the way her shoulders slumped, and her head fell low into her hands, she almost sank into herself feeling shame.

" Hey, it's not your fault things can happen everyone gets busy and might be to tire or preoccupied to do it" you mention as you move closer to Rhea. You put out your hand and put it atop hers as you softly run your thumb over her hand. She lifts her head looking at you she looked as if she wanted to cry. You then felt her hand caress your face and you were shocked, but you didn't move away.

" I need you" Rhea admits as she looks into your eyes. Your stunned as you gaze into her eyes. You can't believe she wanted you of all people. You gazed into rhea's eyes; in your mind you wanted nothing more than for her to take you and make you hers, but you also knew you couldn't risk your job. You sat there looking into her eyes and you thought about how this could affect your job but then again how many chances would you have to be with your favorite wrestler let alone have sex with her.

" I need you to" you admit as you look at her you smile. You didn't care if this affected your job you were going to take the chance. Rhea moved you closer to her, she ran her hands over your thighs softly rubbing them. You were surprised but also super excited for what this could turn into as you let out a soft sigh. You then pull away a bit, Rhea looks at you a bit concerned.

" Did I do something wrong" Rhea retorts she gazes at you as you turn to the clock quickly. You glance up at the clock seeing that you have to finish your rounds but knowing that the night shift is super slow and there won't be anyone to bother you and Rhea.

" No, you didn't but I have to finish my rounds, but I will be back later tonight I promise" you say as you smirk at her. You didn't want to leave Rhea, but you also knew you didn't want anyone else to get suspicious of you. You then got up and looked back at Rhea before getting close to her and kissing her cheek. You then turned and walked to the door before leaving you turn back and look at Rhea winking.

--------

Several hours later you finished your rounds making sure that everyone had taken their meds and got situated for the night. You said goodbye to your coworkers as you watched them leave for the night you knew your night was just beginning. You then made your way to Rhea's room, your heart racing and mind swirling with thoughts of what might happen. You finally made your way to her door as you took one last deep breath you opened the door not prepared for what was on the other side. There she stood in nothing but very skimpy thing and bra black in color of course, her eyes met yours as she looked at your reaction she grinned widely making her way towards you as you closed the door behind you.

" well, well well I'm glad you finally showed up I was starting to think you weren't coming" Rhea says smiling at you as you turn to face her again your jaw still almost on the floor at the sight of her. Your eyes gawking at her, her skin looking soft and supple your eyes scan from head to toe admiring the tattoos that adorn her slender yet toned legs up to her thighs and to the very thing thong that barley covers her pussy. Your eyes continue up to her tone and muscular stomach your eyes focusing in on the details of every inch of her body seeing how the ink hugs her curves, as your eyes continue up her body your eyes fall a pawn her supple yet perky tits which are covered by a skimpy bra. Rhea looks at you and smirks before turning around allowing you to get a good gaze of her juicy ass, your jaw wide open again as she turns to face you.

" You like what you see Babygirl what's wrong to stunned to talk" Rhea proudly beams out as she gets closer to you. She knew she had you where she wanted you and she was going to do whatever she wanted with you. She walks closer to you looking down at you slightly smiling from ear to ear. She then takes your face in her hands tipping your chin up to look at her before she kisses you. She pulls away looking at you as she leads you to the bed. She then sits you on the bed looking down at you smirking at you.

" Now you're going to be mami's toy you understand I get to do whatever I want with you" she retorts as she looks at you licking her lips. You looked up at her admiring the way her lips looked as her tounge ran along them. You couldn't believe that this was actually happening, but you were also glad it was, you were willing to do anything Rhea wanted.

" Yes mami" you say as you look up at her your eyes bouncing all over the place looking at every inch of her skin admiring her curves, your mouth salivating at the thought of getting to taste Rhea. You shift slightly as Rhea gets on the bed next to you. She then takes your shirt in her hands and pulls it over your head exposing your bra she then takes her thumbs and hooks them into the waistband of your pants pulling at them as you lift off the bed slightly to help her take them off, your panties now on display to Rhea's eyes she looks at you admiring your curves as she licks her lips again.

" You look so pretty for mami" her words running through your ears and to your brain feeling the words melt like wax you are puddy in her hands ready to mold to her liking as she strips your bra from your shoulders exposing your big perky tits. Her eyes light up as she looks at your perky nipples getting hard from the cool air in the room. " Your tits are perfect I can't wait to have them in my face" Rhea proclaims your face turning a slight shade of red. Rhea then slides her hand into your panties before you can react. Her slender fingers caressing your pussy her fingertips softy brushing against your clit, you let out a soft moan as her fingers feel your pussy.

" You like that huh you like being mami's toy" she says as she looks at you squirm from the way she's touching you. You nod your head but before you can even think Rhea's hand is wrapped around your throat. She looks deep in your eyes almost staring through you. " You use your words you say yes mami am I clear" she growls you look into her eyes seeing them filled with fiery lust. Yare almost to stunned to speak but you manage to finally speak.

" yes, mami I love being your toy I'm yours do what you wish with my body" You proclaim to her. You can't believe that you just said that, but it was too late to go back before you could even think she had your panties off staring at your exposed pussy dripping wet for her. You watch as Rhea gets up from the bed telling you to stay put as she goes into her closet to get something she then turns back to you to reveal a pair of handcuffs and a purple strap on, she smiled at you as she put the strap on around her waist, she then made her way back to you.

" You're going to be my property you will be my slut" she says smirking as she stands in front of you. You look up at her your eyes meeting hers you know you are at her mercy now and you love the thought of that as your pussy drips with anticipation of what will happen next. Rhea then grabs your wrists placing the handcuffs on you after which she cuffs you to the bedposts so you can't move unless she lets you.

" Yes, mami make me your property I want to be the best slut I can be for you" you coo the words like sweet honey to a bee Rhea smirks and then spread your legs kneeling between them she slowly teases your pussy with her fingers and giving short licks to your pussy. She wants you begging for her to fuck you as she keeps teasing your pussy you whimper. She smiles at how needy you are becoming for her, she then slips two fingers inside you fingering you slowly.

You moan out as her fingers curl inside of you, your brain fogging up at the pleasure she's giving you. You lift your head up looking at Rhea as she keeps fingering you slowly, you start to whimper as she keeps going painfully slow. You reach out to touch her, but you remeber your hands are cuffed to the bed.

" No touching unless I tell you bitch" she hisses you moan out at her harsh words. Your head spinning with all the thoughts and pleasure she gives you. She then retracts her fingers from inside you causing you to whimper at the empty feeling inside you. She crawls up straddling your body looking down at you as she flashes you a wicked smile. she grabs your face in her hand running her thumb on your cheek before sticking her thumb in your mouth. You immediately open your mouth and suck her thumb moaning as you suck on it. Rhea looks at you before pulling her thumb out of your mouth and slapping you.

" Now suck my dick bitch" she says harshly as she uncuffs you from the bed she grabs your hair, she pulls you to your knees as she slides off the bed standing in front of you. She pulls your hair hard, but you fully submit to her touch as you follow her commands. You then take the strap into your mouth its bigger than you expected it's about 5 inches in length but it's also very girthy. You start sucking the strap as best you can, taking it into your mouth inch by inch until you feel Rhea's hand on the back of your head forcing you to take it all into your throat. You try your best to take it all, but you end up coughing and gaging all of this makes Rhea moan she loves watching as you submit to her in every way.

" Thats, it take it bitch take my dick in your throat you like taking mami's dick in your throat huh" Rhea proclaims as she pulls you up by the hair to look at you. Your hair a mess and saliva all over your face she kisses you deeply after which she smacks you again leaving a handprint on your cheek. She smiles wide before forcing back down on your knees and shoving the strap into your throat again, this time she starts thrusting into your mouth making you take every inch weather you chose to or not she was going to make sure you took it all.

" Your mami's whore forever I will do whatever I want with you" she says as she shoves the strap back in and out of your mouth not allowing you to catch your breath. You cough and gag as she fucks your throat but now your pussy is dripping all over the bed sheets leaving a visible stain. You felt like you were going to cum just from her fucking your throat. Rhea then slides the strap out of your mouth and grabs your face looking into your eyes.

" Now turn round bitch mami's going to pound your holes like the slut you are" Rhea says triumphantly. You turn around shaking your ass in Rhea's face as you feel a hard smack come across your ass making you yelp a little and moan at the same time as you feel the head of the strap touch your folds you whimper as she slides it up and down your slit teasing you making you want to just shove your ass back and engulf the strap with your pussy.

" Please mami please fuck me I need you inside of me" you plead with her as she keeps teasing your pussy slowly sliding it in you before pulling it out again. Rhea grins at hearing you plead for her she then smacks your ass again grinning at the sight of it jiggling. You whimper as she slides the strap in and out of you not fulling fucking you she wants you begging for her. you turn back to look at her.

" please....please mami fuck me fuck me hard I need you inside of me please im your fucktoy" you beg Rhea to fuck you as you turn back to face the window you feel the strap fully enter you feeling it fill you up. You let out a loud moan as you feel her fully enter you feeling her thighs hit your ass as she is almost hitting your womb. She grabs your hips as she starts to thrust in and out of your pussy making you moan aloud. She smacks your ass as you start thrusting into her movements you started feeling your climax approaching.

" You gonna cum bitch huh you gonnna cum for mami that's it cum on mami's dick slut" she retorts harshly her words flood your ears as she slams you onto the strap your pussy clenching around it in one last final thrust you feel your pussy squirt as you cry out for Rhea as you ride your climax, she slowly pulls the strap out of you. You collapse on the bed your face buried in the sheets but your ass still in the air. Rhea then smacks your ass hard several times before getting behind you again.

" I said I'm going to pound your holes and now I'm going to pound this fat juicy ass" Rhea announces as she then spits on your sensitive ass. You lift your head off the bed but before you can say anything she shoves the strap deep inside your ass, you wince and moan out in pain and pleasure. She grabs your hips and starts to thrust deeply in your ass not slowing down she is going to make your ass hers. As Rhea thrusts into your ass the strap comes back and brushes against her clit she then thrusts harder and faster chasing her own orgasm as she pounds your tight ass with no mercy.

" Thats it bitch take mami's dick in your tight little ass who's ass is this bitch" Rhea growls as she keeps pounding your ass hard the pain turning into pure pleasure. You can barely speak or form sentences as she thrusts into your ass you moan loudly as you start thrusting back into her your hips smacking hers making your ass jiggle. You mind completely blank at this point you are only thinking of how good Rhea's dick feels inside your ass.

" Your ass mami this is your ass I'm all yours I'm your whore I'm your slutty fucktoy mami" You exclaim moaning loudly as you thrust harder and harder taking her strap deep inside you. Rhea smiles as your words flood her ears she grins wide as she thrusts just as hard as you do all while smacking your ass she is loving every moment of this. She starts feeling her orgasm coming on as she thrusts harder onto you.

" cum on mami's dick bitch cum from mami fucking your slutty little ass" she says crudely as she smacks your ass ahrder after which she grabs your hair pulling you up to her chest forcing you to look at her as she pulls your head back locking eyes with you. She then sticks two fingers in your mouth as she keeps fucking your ass deep making you suck her fingers she then threw your head forward and put a hand on your back forcing your face into the sheets as she thrusts her hips as fast and as hard as they would go fucking your ass as hard as possible.

" FUCK MAMI'S GONNA CUM" Rhea exclaimed as she thrusted into your ass one final time staying all the way in your ass as she rolled through the waves of her orgasm as she thrusted in you one final time you felt your ass clench down hard on her strap you came at the same time she did and you cried out her name as you came for her. Rhea then pulled the strap out of your ass and then turned you around to face her after which she pulled off the strap and her soaking wet panties she then took her panties and looked at you.

" open your mouth slut" Rhea hissed at you. You did as you were told and she shoved her cum soaked panties into your mouth. You sucked on them tasting her sweet juices and smelling her sweet intoxicating scent as she looked at you. You sucked them clean after which she took them out of your mouth and kissed you.

" I love you" she said as she laid you down before laying next to you.

[scoops-aboy86]

wc: 647 | Rating: T | CW: mentions of infidelity, technically hurt no comfort because I haven’t written the part where they make up | Additional Tags: future fic, famous Eddie Munson, past Steddie

Okay, look. The tv was on in the background, and Ross and Rachel were breaking up, and this happened in my head. I’m posting it for Fuck It Friday because fuck it. The only thing getting me through life right now is cough drops.

Hell of a Time at the Wake

“Yeah, haven’t had a drink or touched any drugs in five years, as of last month.”

“Oh wow, so that’s from before Corroded Coffin made it big.” The interviewer chuckles. “Usually it’s the fame and rehab that come first.”

“I prefer to think of myself more as regionally notorious, but sure. Never did the rehab thing, though.”

“Well, what’s the story there?”

Behind their frontman, the rest of the band shares a look. “Oh, we don't need to—” 

“Nah, Jeff, it’s okay man.” Eddie waves them off, then turns back to the interviewer. “Back before we hit the road to make a name for ourselves, I was seeing someone back home. I mean, the someone. The one. But we kept having this same… not really a fight, just this thing: I wanted to leave town, they didn’t. And then finally we had this huge blowout about it that started as something else and somehow turned into that again, which turned into both of us storming off. They went home, and I went out and got completely shitfaced, and in the morning I woke up with someone whose name I didn’t even know in bed with me.”

The interviewer winces. 

“Yeah. And when you do something shitty like that, it’s going to come out sooner or later. Or pretty much immediately, in this case, which.” Eddie grimaces and shrugs. “Well, it gave us something else to fight about, that’s for sure. I knew I’d fucked up bad, but it took hours of back and forth before I realized that we were done done. Trust completely obliterated, no way to come back or move on from that, just… over.”

There’s a pause where he stares off into space for a moment, stuck on a memory. Then he shakes himself and refocuses. 

“Anyway, at some point during my doomed attempt to salvage things, I swore I’d never have another drink ever again. Which, the being drunk of it all wasn’t really the problem, so saying that didn’t buy me anything, but… even after it ended, I didn’t. I’d been so fucked up that night, and it wasn’t the booze so much as the fear of it being over that made me a one man self-fulfilling prophecy—but I hurt someone I loved more than anything, and I never wanted let myself get that fucking stupid again, so. I haven’t. And honestly, I sleep better knowing that.”

“Wow.” The interviewer is staring at him, stunned. Probably doesn’t get a lot of this sort of thing, not just because of all the wild rockstars and other celebrities that come on the show with stories about trashed hotel rooms and wild parties, but because Eddie is being honest. 

It’s not something he talks about… ever, really. Not even with the guys. But, after five years, it doesn’t hurt the same. It’s not even for St—

It’s not for his ex anymore, if it ever was. 

“Why would it be weird?” Gareth is saying. “We have a built in DD, that’s always great. And Eddie doesn’t give us shit for anything, he’s just honest when we ask if anything was too out of hand. It’s a good reality check.”

“And like,” Doug adds, “he’ll still come out with us to clubs and shit to hang out. But if he says he doesn’t want to drive us to a bar it’s not some passive aggressive or superiority thing because we drink and he doesn’t; he’d really just rather fuck off and do something else.”

“Gee, thanks,” Eddie says dryly, but he’s smirking. 

Doug flashes him finger guns, the fucking dork. “You’re welcome, asshole.”

And the interview moves on. These guys have been Eddie’s friends even longer than they’ve been his bandmates, and the four of them are solid. If the gossip vultures out there want something to pick at, they’ll have to find a different target. 

Permanent tag list (ask to be added/removed):

@hotluncheddie @hiei-harringtonmunson @sofadofax @hickeysgodcomplex @oatmilk-vampire

@wheneverfeasible @hamiltonswiftie @grtwdsmwhr @yesdangerpls @theseaofdespair

And then someone shows Steve the interview and he asks Robin for Eddie’s number, and they talk for the first time in years and end up falling back in love, but that’s the hard to write part so this is what you get. Xoxo

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

And one more.

Edinburgh, best parts, continued

- The Air B&B

Before I arrived in Scotland, I told myself repeatedly that I have to remember, it isn't a magical fairyland. I know I've been romanticizing Scotland since I was friendless ten-year-old who became an obsessive Harry Potter fan for several years, where the plot is that you can be whisked away from your friendless life and go somewhere cool and magic, by getting on a train that takes you to Scotland. This has definitely skewed my perception, along with all the folk songs about their magical Wild Mountain Thyme. But you have to remember it's just going to be a place like any other. My Air B&B is in a suburb a 50-minute walk away from the Edinburgh city centre (because, you know, money - I got it for quite cheap), and suburbs are boring no matter where you go, so be disappointed when you're staying a normal boring suburb that's just like any other place. Okay?

That's what I told myself. Then I woke up on that first morning in the Air B&B, looked out my bedroom window, and took this picture of the back garden:

Even their boring suburb is a magical fairyland. My Air B&B was lovely, the woman who ran it was very nice, that was great.

- Canal walk

I did get stuck staying a 50-minute walk from the city centre, because I couldn't afford accommodation any nearer than that. But it was quite nice. Every morning, I left around 7 or 8 AM, and walked into town. Arrived by 8 or 9 AM. Explored the city until noon or so, when my schedule of shows would start. It was a nice schedule.

But even the walk into town was pretty. The whole walk was on a path that ran along a canal, with bridges and old buildings, and I listened to a lot of Bobby Watt along the way, because in Edinburgh, even the boring suburbs are nice:

- The city in general

Holy fucking God. I saw a lot of Edinburgh on Google Earth before I visited there in person (I spent way too much time on Google Earth in Edinburgh, over the several years that I spent planning this trip), and I saw that the place looked really cool. Like, and I'm sorry I keep saying it, a fantasy novel. The old buildings, the cobblestone streets. I kept telling myself that while anything can look cool on the internet, I have to expect it to seem more mundane in person. Everything seems like just a part of everyday life, when you're there.

But when I got there, it was far, far more amazing than it seemed online. No amount of comedy routines about "tourists think Edinburgh is some beautiful thing, when actually it's full of alcoholics vomiting in the street" could take away the magic of it. It's my favourite city I've ever seen.

I mostly walked everywhere I needed to go in Edinburgh, and one day I took a bus down to the ocean, but when I had to go uphill in pouring rain to get back from the shore - and I was worried that if I walked or waited for buses I wouldn't get there early enough for David O'Doherty, to be first in line for best seats - I got an Uber. I asked my Uber driver if he hates living in Edinburgh during August because all the tourists ruin his city, and he said no, he likes the extra business (I realize I shouldn't take his answer as representative of most Edinburgh locals - their answer is probably different if their income doesn't depend on tourists who will pay a premium to get to sit slightly closer to David O'Doherty).

He asked me if I'm American, based on my accent and I said no, Canadian. He was extremely apologetic, as he (correctly) assumed that it's highly insulting for a Canadian to be labelled an American. I told him not to worry about it, as I've been known to make a hobby of horrifically offending Kiwis by telling them they sound Australian.

Anyway, after that conversation, as I had established a rapport with this friendly local, I told him that I'm sorry to ask such a tourist-y question that he must hear all the time, but I'm curious - do you get used to it when you live there? The beauty of the city, the hills and the castle and the limestone buildings; the fact that they have buildings older than (the colonized version of) my country that are owned by Starbucks or whatever, because they have so many historic buildings that even their shitty chain stores are using them. Does that seem beautiful to people who are used to it too?

He said that stuff does seem normal when you live there, and that he finds it interesting to see it through tourists' eyes every August, and remember that most places are not like that. But that sometimes when he's walking by the castle, he'll look at it and think "Damn, this is a beautiful city." And I think that's cool.

Well, I've abandoned this post's one-picture-per-bullet-point policy some time ago. Here are a whole bunch of them.

- The Royal Mile

This had all the cool stuff about the rest of the city - beautiful sandstone buildings, stone streets, amazing views. But it was also the centre of the comedy festival, so it had all this other magic going on there too. And I don't mean the magicians. The magicians were annoying. I like whimsical, metaphorical, vibe-based magic, like a city that feels like it's straight out of a fantasy novel, where the amazing art that I've fallen in love with for years - the art that usually just lived on my screens and in my headphones and felt like messages from a far-off land across the shining sea - on this street, that art is all around us to the point where it's thick in the air. I like that kind of magic. Not the kind of magic where someone stands in an already unfeasibly-crowded street and plays irritating music from a speaker while waving fire around. There was some of that on the Royal Mile, and I realize that is part of the art we're supposed to be celebrating, but when I say that it's cool to be surrounded by the art I fell in love with, I mean British stand-up comedy. The kind where one person stands behind a microphone and tells tenuously interconnected stories of increasing thematic depth, as God intended. Maybe I can let in a sketch or character piece or two, if they're very good. But I'm never going to come around to wanting to see magicians.

Anyway. If you ignore how doubt my previous paragraph will cast on this claim, I do mean it when I say I found the whole "art festival" thing fucking cool. I'm not an artsy person. I was an athlete in high school. I was an athlete in university. I was a coach ever since. Almost all my friends in real life are athletes and coaches. I'm used to being the one nerd in a friend group, and the fact that I'm into any kind of remotely non-mainstream media or live performance, makes me a bit of an oddball among the people I know. On the other hand, when I go to online places that celebrate the nerdy stuff I like, I immediately become self-conscious about how I feel like a jock who has no business being here, because I don't have the theatre kid background to what clowning is or why clowning is, and I don't want anything to do with magicians. Or puppets. Puppets creep me out.

So being in that weird in-between, the Edinburgh Festival was a rare chance for me to be somewhere in person that's entirely dedicated to the nerdy stuff I love. It definitely made me feel like a Philistine jock, by comparison to all the artsy people around me. But I loved it. I loved seeing where all this stuff comes from, having proof around me that this does exist in the real world. Feeling immersed in it.

The Edinburgh Festival is incredibly immersive, and I think that's what made otherwise-annoying things seem fun to me. Except the magicians who got in everyone's way in the middle of the street - they were still annoying. But besides them, I liked it all, even stuff I otherwise hate. Crowds. I was warned about the crowds, I was braced for the crowds because I hate crowds (see: my review of London), but on the Royal Mile, I loved it. I just kept marvelling at how many people were there for the same thing, all these cool people who love this cool stuff, gathered in one place. Also, it helped that even when the streets were packed, the Royal Mile was closed to vehicular traffic, so there was enough space for the crowds to spread out a bit. There were no areas where I felt like I couldn't stop walking, unlike in central London.

Also, it was cool to think of the history of that place. The real-life history was cool in all of Edinburgh, but the Royal Mile had history of all those old comedy stories, that comedians tell about what happened at festivals-gone-by, or my favourite comedy shows that got recorded (officially or... otherwise) at festivals gone by. It was all there. How cool is that?

I got lots of time to explore that area, luckily. On a few different mornings, I walked all the way from Arthur's Seat to the castle - the whole length of the Royal Mile. Which hopefully made up, physical health-wise, for spending 7 or 8 hours of the afternoon/evening/night sitting down watching shows. Luckily my blisters had healed by then.

- Ceilidh dancing

I said I was going to write about the best parts of my trip to Edinburgh that were not covered in the spreadsheet with the list of shows I saw. The one event I attended that did not get into that spreadsheet was Ceilidh dancing, because it wasn't a show, it was a participatory event.

I very nearly didn't go. It was such an out-of-character thing to sign up for. I mean, I've loved listening to traditional Celtic folk music since I was a kid, and I love watching people do that type of dancing. I've never been to a Ceilidh before, but I've seen plenty of people do impressive traditional dancing at folk festivals, and it's great fun to watch. To watch. I don't actually do that stuff. Like I said, I am not artsy. It's not my thing.

When I booked my Edinburgh events, I figured it's not like I'll get another chance to do something like a Ceilidh dance, and at least there's no chance of running into anyone I know, who would see how awful I am at dancing, so I may as well try something unusual and see if it's fun. I thought that while buying the ticket months in advance, but when the actual night arrived, I began to panic at the thought that I have no artistic ability whatsoever, and that extends to the art of dance, and I should just go to a pub instead.

But I went, and I'm so glad I did. First of all, I got more than my fill of an interior Harry Potter building, in the room where the evening took place:

I'm pretty sure they held Hogwarts balls in there. Anyway, then we spent two hours trying to follow instructions from a guy shouting at us about dance moves, and none of the tourists knew what they were doing, and I had a fantastic time. It was all these different people from all over the world. Will go back this year.

- Posters

This goes back to what I said about the Edinburgh Festival being immersive. I know I shouldn't put this on the "best parts" list, because I'm sure it has an awful environmental impact, in addition to being probably a bad sign, in terms of the festival's integrity. That it's supposed to be a cool offbeat fringe festival, but instead it's become all about PR and advertisement, including bigger and bigger posters that are surely contrary to the spirit of an artistic collective.

On the other hand. It was pretty fucking cool to walk all over the city through that. It really did feel like one giant theme park, dedicated to stand-up comedy (apologies to the many people who live in the city and might not want it turned into a theme park for 1/12 of the year). It was everywhere.

I'd heard before about the Edinburgh posters, of course. I'd heard comedians talk about planning their posters, getting them printed, having them put up, deciding how many to get. There were also, of course, stories of having their posters defaced or torn down, of seeing this happen together comedians.

I'd been a bit confused by this before, but I'd been picturing pieces of paper taped to lamp posts and things like that. It seemed like a lot of fuss over some pieces of paper. If someone tears down your poster, just print another one and tape it back up, right? And by "print another one", I mean "hook up your laptop to a printer somewhere and press CTRL+P".

Nope, it turns out we're dealing with something far bigger than that. Giant cardboard things that fill entire walls, entire tunnels. And sometimes, they just grow out of the ground where there's no wall at all:

I hate to turn this post into even more parts, but Tumblr has just informed me that I've hit the 30-image limit for a post. So I'm going to post this, and I'll add one more part later, as that will reset the image allotment.

I’m planning my 2025 UK (and, this time, Ireland) trip, and I’m really really excited about it. But as 2024’s come to an end and we all do retrospectives, I thought it would be interesting for me to look back on my 2024 UK trip now, and see what, with a few months of hindsight, still stands out as the best and worst parts.

Reasons why I’m making this list: 1) it’ll be helpful, when planning for next year’s trip, to know what cool things I want to repeat, and what uncool things I want to try to avoid, and 2) I miss my trip and want to mentally re-live it by making a list and looking at the pictures again.

My 2024 trip was divided into three overall parts. Part 1 was five days in London. Part 2 was taking trains – London to Edinburgh, Edinburgh to Glasgow, Glasgow to Fort William, stayed overnight in Fort William, then Fort William to Mallaig, Mallaig to Glasgow, Glasgow to Edinburgh. Then Part 3 was five days in Edinburgh for the festival.

Part 1: London

Best parts of London, listed in whatever order they occur to me

- Trains: There were so many trains. The stations were cool. The tracks were cool. The seats were cool. The vehicles were cool. The speed with which you could get around the city was cool. The “Mind the Gap” voice was cool.

I joked before I left on this trip that this is like the stereotype that says all autistic people are 8-year-old white boys obsessed with trains, and then there's a cute/inspiration porn story in the local paper about the little autistic boy who's all excited to meet a train conductor. I said I'll be like that when I go to Edinburgh and see all those comedy shows, because in this simile, I am an 8-year-old white boy and these are my trains.

Then, once I actually got there, I remembered that trains are also my trains. Some autistic stereotypes exist for a reason. For example, I am a 34-year-old autistic white woman, and I fucking love trains.

- Highgate Cemetery

So beautiful. I wandered around it for nearly an hour, just appreciating all the history. And it was really cool to see Douglas Adams' grave - I left two pens, from my dad and I, as we used to read his books together. I went there mainly because I was interested in Douglas Adams, but was amazed by how lovely the whole place was.

- Taskmaster house

Obviously that was cool as fuck. I also went on a walk by the river to where they have the bandstands where they did location tasks for the first few seasons. I took this picture by holding my phone up over a fence:

- Really good non-shawarma on park bench

A couple of years ago, I heard Nish Kumar recommend a specific Montreal shawarma place on The Bugle, because he performs in Montreal sometimes. I'd never been to that place, but I was a bit skeptical of his recommendation, because I've tried shawarma outside my own city, even in other big cities, and it's always terrible. My city has a lot of shawarma places, due to various factors that mean we have a high Arab immigrant population, so I've gotten used to quite a high standard of shawarma. I know several people who've grown up in Middle Eastern countries where shawarmas actually originated, and told me that our city has their favourite shawarmas in the world.

So, I wasn't sure about Nish Kumar's recommendation. Not because I thought there could be no good shawarma in Montreal (that's not where I live, but it's a big enough city so it'll have some good stuff, better than Toronto), but because I was not sure if I should trust someone from England to know how shawarma is meant to taste. I hear British people talk about kebabs a lot, but they never mentioned shawarmas, so I figured they don't really have shawarma there. Just kebabs, which are not the same thing.

Having said this, when I went to Montreal to see some Just For Laughs shows in 2023, I tried the shawarma place that Nish had recommended, and it tasted amazing. So I had to admit that maybe he does know what he's talking about. I told all this to my friend who lives in London, and when he went to a Nish Kumar gig long before my UK trip, he went up to Nish after the show, and asked what his favourite shawarma place in London is. Nish said some place called Kebab Kid, and I put that on my list of places to visit, to see if England does have good shawarma after all.

So I made a special trip out there. I traveled pretty far out of my way to get there. I took some trains, and then I walked about forty-five minutes, across quite a lovely neighbourhood, enjoying how pretty London is. I arrived at the restaurant, and became a touch concerned that the place I was using to prove to England does have shawarmas and not just kebabs, was called Kebab Kid. But when I went inside, they did have shawarmas on the menu. I ordered one.

The guy behind the counter asked me if I wanted chili sauce or barbeque sauce. I said no, because... obviously. Obviously you don't put those on a shawarma. He said, "So no sauce, then?", and I realized those weren't optional extras, they were the only sauce on offer. No garlic sauce, no hummus. I said... okay, barbeque then. He put misc. salad in there instead of pickles and turnips. It was so clearly not a shawarma. It came with fries, even though fries obviously do not go with shawarma.

Skeptically, I took it down the road and sat down on a park bench to eat. And God, was it ever delicious. It wasn't a shawarma. That's absolutely not what a shawarma is. But it was a very, very good chicken sandwich. A guy sat down next to me and chatted to me for a while. He asked what I was eating, I said a shawarma, and he said he's from Turkey and they don't have proper shawarmas here, not like at home. I said yes, I can see that. They absolutely don't.

But it was a really really good chicken sandwich and I ate it in a really pretty park, surrounded by pigeons, and had a genuinely nice chat with a random stranger, and it felt sweet and peaceful, and I liked it a lot.

I told myself I was going to keep each item on this list pretty short, just a couple of quick sentences to explain them. I did not expect the first list item to make me break that rule would be a shawarma place. I'm going back to the rule now.

- Sunday roast

I flew all Saturday night. I arrived at 8:30 AM. My wonderful hosts picked me up at the airport, I showered and changed and dropped my stuff off at their place, and then, while fuelled entirely by adrenaline and no sleep, I accompanied my friend from a British comedy message board, whom I'd just met in person for the first time, to a pub with a Sunday roast.

I've been informed that he chose this pub specifically because it has a great Sunday roast, they're not all as good as this one. But this one was very, very good. I had horseraddish for the first time. I had Yorkshire pudding for the first time. I was very surprised that this things called pudding was just bread, until I tasted it, and I decided that anything that delicious can call itself whatever it wants. It was the perfect way to start a trip.

- My wonderful hosts

It's weird to write this part because he'll probably read it. But I stayed in the spare room of a guy I'd met two years earlier on a comedy message board, as I've said many times, I cannot believe lucky I got in messaging a guy because I just wanted a few old comedy recordings, and ending up with a wonderful new friend (and more comedy recordings that I could have imagined, that's cool too). We spoke regularly for a couple of years before my trip to the UK, which is relevant because, as my dad pointed out, it's inadvisable to stay with a man from the internet you've not met in person, but if he's been talking to you most days for two years, that's a lot of work to put in just to lure someone to your house to murder them. There are easier ways to murder someone. So it's probably fine.

He did not murder me. He has a wife whom I'd not spoken to before but she was so incredibly nice; I'd been slightly concerned that she might be put out by having to play host to some woman from Canada whom she didn't know, but it wasn't like that at all, she was so friendly and welcoming, and so was her husband of course, it was super cool to meet him in person and spend time with both of them, it was great. And they had three cats who were the absolute best cats in the world. I won't post a picture of the cats here, because, you know, those are other people's private cats. But they were excellent cats.

- The Bill Murray, Nish Kumar

Many, many hours of my favourite comedy I've of my favourite comedy I've ever heard was recorded at The Bill Murray pub, for Angel Comedy. I was so excited to see the venue in person, and I was not disappointed. I saw a Nish Kumar WIP there just before he went to Edinburgh, and holy God, it was one of the best evenings of my life. I arrived at the pub an hour before the show, partly so I could awkwardly hang around the door to the comedy room and get the best seats (I achieved this, of course), and partly because I wanted to spend time in that building, to take in the history.

And it was full of history. The walls were covered in pictures of great comedians who've performed there. There were murals with drawings of comedy legends. And the actual comedy room was perfect - small and intimate, definitely good at those technical things that I don't have enough expertise to know how they work but I know good ones when I experience them (sight lines, acoustics, comedy-conducive lighting). And I watched Nish Kumar perform an absolutely fantastic version of one of my favourite stand-up hours ever. It was a perfect night.

- Crystal Palace

I spent one morning in Crystal Palace. I ate breakfast. It's a very very pretty neighbourhood with cool little buildings and a sense of history and everything that I romanticize, when I romanticize the UK. It had a big beautiful park with dinosaur statues. I went into a cool independent bookstore, which has hosted performances by some of my favourite comedians ever, and I bought a beautiful children's book to donate to the autism centre where I worked at the time. If I'm honest, those hours were the ones I most enjoyed in London, aside from the time at actual comedy shows/venues. I just wanted to have a look.

Pictured below: not a tourist attraction (according to Elis James, who is wrong), but some cool dinosaurs

- Cambridge

On one of my days in London, I got trains to Cambridge and back. At first I was pretty disappointed in the place, because it had so many tourists that I couldn't really appreciate anything. But then I paid about 10 pounds to get into the grounds of St. John's College, which had an entry fee because it was one of the extra beautiful colleges. It was also Douglas Adams' college, so I'd wanted to see it anyway for Britcom tourism reasons. But holy God, was it ever gorgeous. I felt like I was in some sort of unnamed British fantasy novel.

The gardens. The old buildings. The history. The picturesque rooftops, the river with boats punting by like a postcard. The stained glass in the chapel. The courtyards that seemed from another world. The pillars. This was exactly what I wanted when I said I wanted to go to the UK and see "Harry Potter buildings". Not filming locations from the movies, I don't care about that. Magestic buildings with fantasy novel vibes. Also, you know, all the genuine history there. Douglas Adams, and I hear the history of Cambridge University might even go back slightly further than the 1970s.

I also ate lunch at a pub called The Eagle, because it was called the oldest pub in Cambridge, and I think that's even true (as in, I didn't just wander into any pub that had a sign saying "oldest pub in Cambridge" outside, I looked this up beforehand). Because I like history. The pub was so cool on the inside, and yes I'm aware that that's probably not even because it's several hundred years old, it's because they made it look that way so they can trade off tourists like me. I know that - that any pub that's several hundred years old is a Theseus' Ship situation. I don't care, the pub was beautiful. And I had an amazingly delicious lunch there.

- Regent's Park

One of the first places I went when I got to London. So much amazing comedy history there. Pretty park, I enjoyed walking around the pretty park. But I mainly enjoyed looking at the theatre, even though we couldn't go in, and standing on the spot of some of my favourite nights in comedy history, it was fucking cool.

- ABC Comedy, Romesh Ranganathan

This is another very cool comedy club in London, where a lot of really really awesome comedy has happened over the years, I've gotten to experience a lot of it from Canada via the magic of technology but was so excited to be there in person. And I saw Romesh do an hour-long WIP there (I think it was less WIP, and more just messing around and saying whatever came up), which was really funny and a great time. Weird to see someone so famous in person. He was taller than I expected. His reputation is for the grumpy thing, but he's so funny when he says something silly and then gives the crowd a huge grin. It was loose and great fun.

And thought I'd been told before that it's a small room, I was amazed to see in person, and confirm how very small it is, giving how regular it is for big names to perform there (Romesh Ranganathan, for a start). Just like the Bill Murray.

- All the big pretty buildings in the Parliament area, and St. James' Park

I spent a few hours wandering around the big pretty buildings in the Parliament area and St. James' park. It was old and nice and impressive. I kept walking by Big Ben and saying "There's Big Ben!" like in that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

- Square Mile neighbourhood and Leadenhall Market

Another time, I spent an afternoon wandering around a neighbourhood that I believe is called Square Mile. It had a lot of little alleyways, and I'm a sucker for little alleyways. It had big and impressive buildings that I enjoyed looking at. I went into a pub that had chandeliers.

That neighbourhood had Leadenhall Market in it, which is an exception to me not caring about places where the Harry Potter movies were filmed, because it's not just where they happened to film Diagon Alley the movie, it looks like how I pictured Diagon Alley in my head from the books. There were a bunch of little market areas like this in London, which I liked. But this one was my favourite:

- Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese pub

I spent nearly three hours in this pub. I ordered several alcohol-free Guinesses, because I was trying to stay away from alcohol throughout the trip. I was there by myself. So why did I spent three hours in a pub, if not for the alcohol or the company? It was just one of the coolest buildings I'd been in and I wanted to be in there for longer. I was in a basement room where I couldn't even get internet, so I couldn't even browse on my phone. I just sat there, for hours, alone in the room, and it was fantastic.

The pub had several different rooms, as you move downstairs, and one of the rooms was totally empty so I sat down there. This definitely sated my desire to see the other type of Harry Potter building - rather than the big and majestic ones that could be a wizard castle, this was a dimly lit basement that looks like it hasn't been updated since the 1600s, which is apparently when this pub was built. Knockturn Alley. Okay I'm done with the Harry Potter references (to be clear I did not, and would not, do any official Harry Potter stuff that could generate profit for the author because fuck her - I didn't even do any unofficial Harry Potter stuff like the Edinburgh tours or pictures with that Kings Cross cart - I just wanted to sit around in old buildings and feel like I was in a fantasy novel).

This gave me the thing I wanted to find in tourist attractions, but didn't. I visited some large old cathedrals, and wanted to feel a sense of history and magic and the gravity of a place like that, but it was packed with other tourists taking pictures, so I couldn't get into it. I sat in St. Paul's Cathedral trying to feel magic, and finally said to myself, "Yeah, God's not here" and left (metaphorical God, I'm not religious, but I'm often impressed with the weight of human wonder that goes into religious architecture). I found the Cheshire Cheese just after that, sat down in that old building, and felt all the stuff that I'd wanted to feel in the church but failed.

I'm genuinely glad there was no internet signal down there, because I took out my phone, and did write a whole big Tumblr post in my notes app, figuring I'd post it when I got back upstairs (okay, I didn't just stare at the wall for three hours). That magic of the building overtook me. That post was so incredibly cheesy, even for me. It contained the line "I didn't find God in a church, but then I found God in a pub," because apparently I thought I was John Robins now. And that's one of the less cheesy lines, since I'm willing to share it now. I think there were a bunch of reflections in there about struggling with my drinking problem, but written in ways that only made sense while sitting in that room. The rest of the post will be thankfully lost because I got upstairs, returned to the real word, said "this is bullshit" and deleted it. But I hope that this year, I can go back to the magical pub where the real world doesn't exist.

- Other pubs

I didn't drink at all in the UK (okay, I had one beer in a pub by the ocean on my last day in Edinburgh, but literally only one pint), and it wasn't the first time in my adult life that I've gone two whole weeks without alcohol, but it was the first time I've done that and found it easy, because things were going so well that I didn't even miss it. I did, however, drink a lot of alcohol-free Guinesses. Because I sat in a lot of pubs and wanted something that at least made me feel like I was drinking.

The worst part of London was the heat and the crowds and the fact that everyone moves so fast that you're not allowed to stand still for half a second without people getting angry at you for blocking the sidewalk, and there weren't a lot of options for refuge from that. A lot of the restaurants seemed to be takeaway-only, or just a few tables, and were always packed. So a lot of times, I found myself ducking into pubs to get out of the heat and the crowds. The pubs were old and nice and quiet and comforting, and I enjoyed sitting in them a lot.

- Egg Sluts

Okay, I'm going to change the tone a bit from the darker, drinking problem-based stuff. I had a fucking excellent breakfast sandwich in a place called Egg Sluts. I did not take a picture, but it was so good that I have to go back there in 2025. I'm a big fan of the egg + meat-based breakfast sandwich, and that was probably the best one I'd ever had.

- Sausage rolls

The first time I ordered a sausage roll from Gregg's, I did it while giggling about how I feel like a character in a story that was told on a panel show. The WILTY people are always making up stuff about Gregg's and sausage rolls. What a cute British thing to do. I'm going to eat a sausage roll on a train. This is so British.

The second, through, by my best estimation, 504th time that I ordered a sausage roll in Britain, I thought, "Fucking hell, am I ever glad we don't have these in Canada. I don't think I'd have lived to this age if I had the option to order them all the time. Sausage... in bread... it's brilliant. Why didn't we think of this in Canada? We must never think of this in Canada. This needs to remain a treat abroad."

- Lamb being a common food there

Here, it's a delicacy, often not available in places that serve the more common meats like chicken, pork, and beef. Some places offer it, but for a higher price than the same dish with another meat. Britain just puts lamb in everything.

- On a similar note, one day I went up to the roof of a high building and ate a lamb kebab while looking out at the entire city, and that was very nice:

- The Soho Theatre

Same deal as the other comedy venues - cool place full of comedy history, I've heard so much stuff from there and loved getting to see it in person and physically be in that space. Also, the walls were full of posters from shows that had performed there over the years.

- The London Underground when it was not packed with people

Fun stuff. Sometimes it was all dark and felt like a sci-fi movie. The cars made fun noises and went fast.

- I saw Daniel Kitson live twice, a couple of nights apart. One of the times, I met him after the show. My brain shut down and I forgot all the words in the English language and he stood there looking at me and I couldn't speak to him. He performed what I think is one of the best shows he's ever done, and I got to see it live, and that was cool as fuck. So incredibly cool. But oh my God, I felt terrible later that night (and the next day, and the next few days) when I realized how badly I'd Got It Wrong when I met him.

It's okay though, because I did eventually manage to look at the pictures my friend took, and those pictures confirmed that he at least found the situation amusing (I could not confirm that at the time as I was physically unable to look at him):

Worst parts of London, listed in whatever order they occur to me

- The British Library

It might be unfair to call this one of the worst parts of my trip to London, because it was still pretty cool. But most of London was good, so by the standards of that, this was… weird. I went on the day I arrived, right after the Sunday roast, when I’d flown all night and not slept in well over 24 hours by then, so that definitely did not help. I took a guided tour of the place, and the tour was super weird. Our guide was obsessed with telling us that the government had secretly killed Alan Turing. Every part of the tour was basically a way for him to bring it back to that subject. Which almost sounds like a gimmick, but the guy seemed quite serious about it. He also told us several facts that other people on the tour pointed out were incorrect (not just the conspiracy theory thing, but factual stuff like confidently mis-labelling what language certain books were in). The whole thing was just weird, and the fact that I was reaching “asleep on my feet” territory made it feel like a weird drug trip.

- The heat

I realized a few months before the trip that this would be taking place in the middle of summer, and I need to factor in how much I cannot stand being outside in the middle of summer. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. My body cannot stand excessive heat. I am meant to live in Arctic temperatures. Where I live now, the weather has been mostly between -10 and -20 degrees Celcius for the last few weeks, and that's about where I feel comfortable. As soon as it starts going above 0, I don't like it.

London in the summer was well above 0. To be fair, it was slightly less hot there than it was at home. I was told that I was there during one of their heat waves, but even their heat wave temperatures were not quite as hot as what I get at home on a regular mid-summer week. So that would normally be nice. But at home, I'm not usually walking outside all day, for several days in a row, in the middle of summer. I'm usually hiding in my house with a fan blowing directly on me and cold wash clothes draped all over my body, telling myself that autumn will come soon.

So. Summer tourism might not be the best call for me. I got very miserable being in the heat for so long, and that made everything else harder to deal with. The crowds. The blisters on my feet. I could stand them all more easily if my body were not in horrible pain from the elevated temperatures, dealing with the sensory nightmare of sweat everywhere. Not to get too graphic or anything.

- The crowds

Oh my God, the crowds in London. I already covered most of this when I wrote about crowds before, but fucking hell, it was bad. The whole sidewalk. I'd often been surprised when I saw people on panel shows talk about how much they hate people who stop walking on a sidewalk ("pavement"). "Why don't you just go around them?" I wondered. Well now I know why - you can't! You can't go around them. There is no area of foot traffic that's not full of people. I think it was the lack of ability to stop moving that bothered me even more than just the proximity to so many people, but both were bad. And worse in the heat.

- I got awful blisters all over the bottoms of both feet on my first day there, and they didn't start to heal until after I'd left London

I still don't know why this happened. I mean, obviously it was because I was walking around all day as a tourist. But I had a job at the time where I was on my feet all day, so it's not like I wasn't used to some of that. I had good shoes. New enough to still be good, old enough to be broken in. I think I'm maybe just not used to walking on paved surfaces for so long. They were hard on my feet.

The blisters started to get better when I spent a couple of days on the trains to and around Scotland - got off my feet for nearly two straight days, just sitting in the train seats. Also, at the Edinburgh train station, I "bought some plasters from Boots", which I found to be an amusingly British thing to do. Those helped. So it wasn't such a problem when I was walking all around Edinburgh.

But for those five days in London, I couldn't put weight on either foot without it being in terrible pain, and obviously that's not ideal for an holiday where I walk around a city all day. The worst was in Cambridge, as I walked around that utterly beautiful St. John's College, and kept thinking... I wish I could be here without it causing excruciating pain to the bottoms of my feet. Then I could enjoy it more.

I need to look up good preventative blister stuff before I got back in 2025. At the very least, I'll bring some Band-Aids ("plasters") with me this time and put them on when it first starts.

On the best-of list, I put pictures of each bullet point. Be grateful that I'm not doing that here. Because I did take a picture of them one day, so I could have a record of how bad they got (seriously - the ran all the way across). But I'll spare the public that.

- Covent Gardens

Oh my God, I hated that place. I planned to spend a few hours there because there was so much touristy stuff that I figured I should see, but it was awful, for the reasons I've already outlined. Heat, and no escape from it. Giant crowds. Blisters on the bottoms of my feet. Walking around this busy square.

I went to get a something from my UK trip pictures folder to put here, but it turns out I didn't take any pictures in Covent Gardens. I was so miserable that at no point did I think "I want to save this for posterity". I'm not doing that place again.

- Buckingham Palace guard changing

The palace itself was cool to look at, but if I went back there again, it wouldn't be when they change the guard. It turns out the Buckingham Palace guard are just Mounties. We have Mounties at home. It was a bunch of guys dressed as Mounties doing the guard-changing routine that the Mounties in Canada do, but with fucking thousands of people gathered all over the square and the streets so you couldn't get anywhere near it to actually see. It might have been cool if I'd been able to get near it - I enjoy watching the Mounties do their thing sometimes. But I'd rather just go look at the pretty Palace sometime when it's not so full of people.

- St. Paul's Cathedral, Westminster Cathedral

I was looking forward to this stuff because as I've said, I like that kind of architecture. But the number of tourists meant that vibe-wise, it felt more like a very fancy shopping mall than the site of centuries worth of humans trying to connect to the Divine.

- The London Underground when it was packed with people

Extremely uncomfortable, do not recommend.

- The show I saw at the Soho Theatre

It wasn't very good.

I was going to add parts 2 and 3 of my trip on the end here, but this post has got too long, and I know Tumblr has a limit to the number of pictures you're allowed to add in one post. So I'll just post this one now, and then I'll add the other parts in a reblog later. This has been a fun exercise in remembering stuff.

[ecofear]

having a youtube video on my main monitor and then moving it to my old old monitor which is now a side monitor is fucking horrifying now it goes from the Most Crisp ive ever seen video footage be to being utter shit blurry pixelated shit and its . driving me insane

[nomidreams]

god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak

[millipedish]

Woo. I just finished Beastieball and add this to the list of monster taming greats

[pennamepersona]

hey when withers says thou shall not perish while i endure or whatever, how literal is that. is durge functionally immortal. is durge undead. [shakes the bars of my enclosure] i need to know

[krogans-give-the-best-cuddles]

Reading the Orchid Thief and lemme say. So fascinating to see someone like. Try to come up with a Reason Why humans like orchids. Two chapters here in a row pretty much treating Orchid hobbyists and plant hobbyists in general like one would an entirely alien culture- and don't get me wrong I understand why to an extent. Trying to make this book marketable outside just plant circles and what have you. But some of the way the camera is angled here is just. Fascinating.

Like, she explains how there are so many unique ways orchids evolved, as an attempt to contextualize for a reader why people might go crazy for them in specific, and describes individual species unique mating strategies, and the inability of them to self pollinate- but while I think that context is interesting it doesn't explain a damn thing. For one thing, having an extremely specific mating strategy is not solely an Orchid thing- a LOT of plants do it like that. Lots are flexible but I would say a vast swath are not and require specific things. For another- apples also don't self fertilize, but you don't have hundreds of thousands of apple varietal collectors.

She discusses their beauty as a reason they're collected- I won't deny that being a factor for sure, plants that humans like the shape of have a tendency to get collected and overcollected all the time- but like. A lot of people collect things that are traditionally ugly or even smell bad- and if it was exclusively a shallow pursuit, no one would work as hard as is required for an insane amount of orchids.

Part of the reasons orchids in particular are popular has to do with colonization. I can't articulate it all myself bc I haven't done research- but a genus that largely exists in tropical regions, that became popular in the late 1800s, that, in order to get in homes, white men would travel to all sorts of regions to take plants out of to get in the home? That is gonna help it get more popular than tomato or apple varieties for sure. I'm sure she's gonna touch on this eventually, given that the story she's covering actually involves the Seminole nation so I'm not holding it against her.

I suppose I'm just fascinated by her approach so far as to trying to understand why anyone would. Work to grow something? Really like something? I mean she pretty explicitly states that she "wants to want something" as much as these people want their plants- describes hobby communities and the idea of like. Working a hobby into your schedule or having friends related to the hobby as a "religion". She's baffled by like. Putting time and energy into a hobby and gaining joy and community from it and is trying to like. Break down orchids into their component parts to understand what makes someone. Want to grow a plant? And get community out of a hobby?

I'm going to be charitable and not make presumptions that she doesn't know like. The concept of loneliness and therefore a longing for community. Or that on some level she must know what common signs of autism are (ignoring her having spent several paragraphs describing several different people with classic signs and symptoms and then settling on "weird"). But it makes me want to turn the camera lens around for a moment. What makes someone presume that it's Orchid "obsession" (the word hobby is rather rare in the book acrually) that is particularly strange or more obsessed than other obsessions? What makes one abstract others hobbies and interests as needing a solve while the ones you surely have seen all over and even participated in aren't worth that examination? The line between "normal" and "abnomal" is entirely one made by dominant society

So this is why hobbies and kink aren't so different in the way they're perceived-

Orchids are an obsession to this author, to be highlighted and examined, or a hobby, to most people. They get a noteworthy category because they are seen as atypical. Sports-watching, however, is like. Never discussed as hobby. Watching football, watching soccer. It's just normal. No one says "that's my hobby." Even if a guy had a room full of memorabilia he would be noted as a "team fan" not a hobbyist. Sports has been declared normative, so it's not really considered a hobby by anyone. Plants? Non normative, therefore the same exact behaviors will get you considered unusual and a hobbyist.

Kink is the same way. People who are attracted to women being interested in breasts is so assumed to be normal and natural that no one calls it a kink. Breasts, the fatty deposits intended for feeding young, are expected to be hidden bc this kink (which everyone refuses to call a kink or a fetish or what have you) is seen as so universal. It's seen as immutable fact that there is a sexual nature to them. Feet however? If someone's into that that's a kink or a fetish if you're feeling kind, an obsession that makes you strange and worthy of examination and explanation if you're not.

I'm not arguing for doing away with calling things hobbies or kinks- I'm actually advocating for calling more normative things those words actually- I think it's just helpful to see where the framing of something, the way in which we choose to examine it, also has a lot to say about that which we leave unexamined, and unnamed. Because we don't categorize the normal.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

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[ravenwolfie97]

hey question why is mac n cheese so addicting to eat send post

[waywardsalt]

Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life.

What do you think of a phantom hourglass remake? Tbh I don’t know how they could remake it without basically remaking it from the ground-up. It would probably play more like windwaker, which I see as a both a good and bad thing. On the one hand, if it was more like windwaker a lot more people would probably play and it would be more popular since I know the touch controls were a turn off for most people for both Spirit Tracks and Phantom hourglass. But on the other hand, remaking it to be more like windwaker would make the game lose some of it’s previous identity. Like, Phantom hourglass was so unique because of the touch controls and the puzzles you can make and solve by having two screens and touch controls. And it was so nifty and handy to be able to write notes on your map. Idk, I still would like it to be remade in general even if it ends up a basically different game, but I wouldn’t change the story or the characters, especially Linebeck. The only other change I would make is the music. Phantom hourglass had rather weak themes, mainly because they re-used the same theme for the islands and the dungeons. The only songs that were really good were the few orginal tracks made for the game, so Linebeck’s theme, Oshus’s theme, both Bellum boss battle themes and the and that music that plays when you first follow the Ghost Ship. But what would you want out of a phantom hourglass remake?

Hey, I’m doing good, and I hope you are too!

I’ve thought a bit about a possible Phantom Hourglass remake, but not too much recently. I don’t really know if I’d want one, since you’d lose a lot of what really makes it special, and you can still play it through other means. I’m personally fond of the graphics and the music- yes, even the dungeon theme has grown on me- so I don’t really want a remake too badly, especially since I fear any additions/changes they might make with story or characters in a remake. The touch controls make it, and playing it on pc recreates that feeling decently well, but I don't think it'll be just the same if you had to control it with joysticks or anything.

Not to mention, there's so much emphasis on having the two screens, too, not just for map stuff, but almost every single boss had a mechanic related to the top screen! I have no fucking clue how you'd replicate that very well on something like the switch without just fucking with the mechanics altogether.

I would kill to hear some of Phantom Hourglasses tracks be orchestrated or otherwise rearranged in a higher quality. I wouldn't want any of the more notable themes altered in any way, no adding or removing of melodies and only very very small changes to the instrumentation, but I think it'd be neat to see what could be done with dungeon themes. I think a while back I had a fleeting desire to write some short tracks for each dungeon, with some ideas like mostly using instruments heard in Bellum's themes for the dungeons while each individual one gets a leading instrument unique to and reflective of the dungeon, while the Ghost Ship maybe gets a song that's a bit of a expanded version of the fog theme, while the Temple of the Ocean King could have slightly different themes the further in you got, starting with instruments more common to Oshus's theme or the great sea theme, while the further in you got the more instruments from Bellum's theme would be heard, plus some harpsichord thrown in for the hell of it.

Leave the original dungeon theme for stuff like the minor pyramids and some larger cave areas, idk. It's grown on me.

I think the only story rearranging I'd want is mayyyyybe unfridging Tetra? You could very easily shuffle some things around with her and just not damsel her for the whole game and honestly it'd still go off perfectly without a hitch. But you'd still have to deal with the World of the Ocean King being a whole other world, so either bring her and her crew in and have them as wandering ship npcs (the better idea) or just leave them out (not a good idea) but either way it's better than what they actually did. I just don't think I'd want it to switch to Tetra being a major reoccurring character tbh, the main character dynamics in PH are good as they are.

I think I like Phantom Hourglass too much as it is to really want a remake at all. I'd rather we get something like an anime adaptation. That's what I think about more. Give me animated Phantom Hourglass with some fun takes on the dungeons and fights and some fun slice of life stuff with the group between the islands what I want is a Phantom Hourglass anime

[eats-the-stars]

I feel like there are roughly two kinds of "painfully weird kid" that you can be during your K-12 school years. the first is your "I am trying so hard to be normal but I just cannot seem to hit the mark. there's just something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it" and the second is the category I was in, which is your "everyone around me is so incredibly weird but they obviously can't help it so I will just have to accept this."

[exopelagic]

DND IS SO FUCKING COOL

[lith-myathar]

disordered eating talk in the tags

[byler-alarmist]

Oof wow, just got hit with this feeling that I've wasted some of my best years. Truly one of those moments where you take a look around like "what have I got to show for myself?"

Am I about to have a mid-life crisis??

[jacklesraised]

my gift is being annoying, see, i can hate myself and be so horrendously anxious that i think trying to make being alive easier for myself is somehow offensive to others bc thats how so many people online act like literally any accomodations not made by the doctors that dont care abt you at all are somehow unnecessary and ‘fishing for attention’ to the point i ruin myself and destroy my body avoiding accomodations bc i dont want to ‘seem like a bad person’ for quite literally needing help. but give me a tv show and 30 seconds with new information and i will either give you the most thought provoking theory or the most wildcard theory ever and always be correct.