#the dicking can be done by anyone that's up to you

[bat-mom-writer]

Impulses

Bruce Wayne(Husband) X Reader(Wife)

Summery: you can be very quick to act on your impulse, usually being done with a kind heart. But can sometimes lead to you and some others being hurt.

Note: Something tells me Bruce wouldn't go to therapy, but this isn't real so...

Rate: Loving Bruce, the very small almost of angst

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"So, tell me Bruce, are you happily married?"

"Of course."

"Then why are you here?"

"Well," Bruce pauses, thinking over his words carefully, "it's not exactly that simple."

The therapist's office was quiet, the kind of silence that felt like it was holding its breath. Bruce Wayne sat in a chair that was a little too small for his broad shoulders, his eyes darting to the clock on the wall. It was a simple room, with a few plants scattered around and a faint scent of lavender in the air, but it was the last place he ever thought he'd be. He was a man who dealt with Gotham's problems from the shadows, not one who talked about his own in a well-lit space with a box of tissues within arm's reach.

"How so?" the therapist asked again, her voice gentle but firm, bringing Bruce back to the present.

He sighed. "Well, my wife… she's incredible. She's kind and she's the glue that holds our family together."

The therapist nodded, her expression neutral. "But?"

Bruce leaned back, rubbing his temples. "But she's… impulsive. She does things without considering the consequences, especially when it comes to the boys."

The therapist made a note in her pad. "Could you give me an example?"

Bruce sighed heavily, his mind racing with instances. "Once we went hiking, and she found a baby wolf, injured and alone. She insisted on bringing it back to the manor to care for it herself. Most of my sons thought it would be a great idea—until we realized it had a pack out there looking for it, and suddenly we had a bunch of very unhappy wolves on our backs."

The therapist looked up, raising an eyebrow. "I see. And how did that situation resolve?"

Bruce chuckled, a bit nervously. "Let's just say there were a lot of stitches involved. And I haven't heard anyone wanting to go camping again ever since."

The therapist's eyes widened, but she remained calm. "It seems she has a heart of gold, but maybe a bit of an overactive sense of adventure."

Bruce nodded. "Exactly. And it's not just with animals. She once tried to organize a surprise street carnival in the middle of Gotham because she thought the city needed more joy. You can imagine the chaos that ensued with all the traffic rerouting and permits she didn't bother to get."

The therapist's pen stopped mid-stroke. "Ah, so her intentions are good, but the execution could use some work."

Bruce nodded emphatically. "You have no idea. She's the love of my life, but sometimes I worry she's going to get us all into trouble. The boys look up to her, especially Dick and Damian."

The therapist leaned in slightly. "How do Dick and Damian react to her impulsive nature?"

"Dick tries to be the voice of reason, but he's young and still learning the ropes of being a responsible older brother. And Damian," Bruce sighed, "he's more like me—he's intrigued by the chaos she creates, but he's also the one who ends up getting hurt when things go awry."

The therapist nodded understandingly. "It's natural for children to look up to their parents, especially when they see the love and good intentions behind their actions. But it's also important for them to learn about boundaries and the potential consequences of impulsivity. How does your wife react when you bring this up with her?"

Bruce leaned forward, his expression a mix of affection and exasperation. "She's… well, she's stubborn. She sees the world as a place full of possibilities, and she wants to experience all of them. I get that, I do. But we can't live our lives on the edge like that, especially with the kind of enemies I've made over the years."

The therapist nodded, her gaze thoughtful. "It's a delicate balance, isn't it? Wanting to keep your family safe and also allowing them the freedom to live their lives fully. How have you been managing this?"

Bruce's smile grew a bit wistful. "Well, my wife is also the lively part of our lives. Without her, the manor would be just a fortress, not a home. She brings laughter and light to every room she enters. She's the one who convinced me to let Tim build a skateboard ramp in the garage, and even though it's a hazard to my cars, I can't help but smile when I hear them all out there, having fun."

The therapist nodded, understanding the complexity of the situation. "It sounds like you appreciate her spirit, but it's important to establish boundaries to ensure everyone's safety. Have you tried discussing the potential dangers with her?"

Bruce leaned back, his eyes drifting to the floor. "I've tried," he admitted. "But she's… she's like a tornado of love and enthusiasm. It's hard to say no to her."

The therapist nodded, her expression understanding. "It's clear you care deeply for her and the boys. Perhaps it's time to find a way to channel that enthusiasm into safer outlets."

"I know," Bruce said, running a hand through his hair. "But she's so… so alive. It's like trying to cage a butterfly."

The therapist nodded. "It's not about caging her, Bruce. It's about guiding her. Teaching her and the boys to weigh risks and rewards. To channel their energy into something positive without endangering themselves or others."

Bruce sat in silence, contemplating her words. He knew she was right, but it was easier said than done when it came to his vibrant wife. Her zest for life was both infectious and overwhelming at times. He thought back to the street carnival she had organized. The look of joy on the citizens' faces as they played games and ate cotton candy was something he hadn't seen in Gotham in a long time.

"There not all bad," he murmured, a small smile playing on his lips. "Her impulses have led to some amazing moments, too."

"Like what?" the therapist prompted, her curiosity piqued.

Bruce's smile grew as he recalled a recent incident. "Last week, she found out about a fundraising event for an underfunded children's hospital. Without asking, she decided to host a masquerade ball at the manor. She convinced Alfred to help, and together they transformed the place into a fairy tale. The kids had the time of their lives, and we ended up raising a fortune for those kids."

The therapist returned his smile. "That does sound wonderful. It seems her spontaneity has its benefits."

Bruce nodded. "It does. But it's also a double-edged sword. I want to support her, but I also need to keep everyone safe."

The therapist leaned back in her chair. "Communication is key, Bruce. It's about expressing your concerns without squashing her spirit. Have you tried talking to her about how her impulsiveness affects you?"

Bruce sighed, his eyes reflecting the weight of his words. "I've tried, but she takes it personally. She thinks I'm trying to control her."

The therapist nodded, her expression empathetic. "It's a common misconception. Setting boundaries isn't about control; it's about care and safety. Have you framed it that way?"

Bruce furrowed his brow. "I'm not sure. I've usually approached it from the perspective of the danger it could pose to the boys."

"It's important to express your feelings," the therapist said. "Tell her how her actions affect you and why you worry. It might help her understand your perspective better."

Bruce nodded slowly, considering her advice. It was true; he hadn't shared his own fears with her, only the potential risks to the boys. Perhaps that was where he was going wrong.

"Thank you, doctor," he said, rising from his chair. "I'll think about what you've said."

The therapist stood and offered a warm smile. "Remember, Bruce, it's about balance. And sometimes, that means taking a risk to find it."

Bruce nodded, her words echoing in his mind as he left the office and stepped into the Gotham night. The city was alive with the pulse of its inhabitants, a stark contrast to the calmness he'd just left behind. His thoughts were racing, trying to find a way to bridge the gap between his need for security and his wife's boundless spirit.

As he drove back to Wayne Manor, the grandeur of the estate came into view, the gothic architecture a stark contrast to the chaos of the city beyond its gates. The manor was more than just a home; it was a bastion of hope in a city that desperately needed it. The lights were on in the windows, a warm glow that promised sanctuary from the cold outside.

When he walked in, the smell of freshly baked cookies filled the air. You was in the kitchen, humming to yourself as you pulled a tray out of the oven. You turned to him, your face lighting up with a smile that never failed to melt his heart. "Hi, honey! How was your day?"

Bruce took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation he knew he had to have. "It was… interesting," he said, trying to keep his tone light. "How about yours?"

"Oh, you know," you replied with a shrug, placing the cookies on a rack to cool. "Just the usual—keeping the boys out of trouble, planning the next big surprise for them." you winked at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Bruce felt a twinge of both fondness and dread. He knew that look all too well. It was the look you got when she had another harebrained scheme up your sleeve. He walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into an embrace. "How about we talk about these surprises together from now on?"

You tilted your head back, your smile fading a bit. "What do you mean?"

Bruce took a deep breath. "I mean, I know you love surprising the boys, and I love that about you. But sometimes, your surprises have… unintended consequences. I want to be there to support you, but I also need to make sure everyone is safe."

You leaned back, looking up at him with a slightly defensive expression. "Not all of my surprises turn out bad," you said, your voice a bit softer than before.

Bruce felt his heart squeeze at the sight of you, flour smudged on your cheek and apron, looking so earnest. He gave a tight smile, trying to ease the tension. But his face was screaming, "Are you sure?"

You took a step back, "Okay, okay, maybe most of them," you conceded. "But the good ones make up for it, right?"

Bruce sighed, his arms dropping to his sides. "They do," he agreed. "But it's the potential for danger that I can't ignore. And not just for the boys, but for you too."

You rolled your eyes, brushing off the flour on your apron. "Me? I'm fine. I can handle myself."

Bruce's grip on your shoulders tightened slightly. "You know what I mean," he said, his voice serious. "How many times have you ended up in the hospital because of one of your… adventures?"

You winced, remembering the last time you had tried to rescue a cat stuck in a tree, only to end up with a broken arm and a bruised ego. "Okay, okay," you repeated, holding up your hands in surrender. "I get it. I can be a bit… much."

Bruce's expression softened, his eyes searching yours. "You're not 'much', you're amazing. I just don't want to lose you."

You took a deep breath, the weight of his words settling in. "I know," you said, your voice small. "But what about you? You're not much different, Bruce. Maybe even worse. You go out every night as Batman, risking your life."

He stepped back, his expression unreadable. "That's different," he said firmly. "That's for the city."

"Is it?" you asked, looking up at him with a hint of challenge in your eyes. "Or is it because you've convinced yourself that it's your duty? That you're the only one who can do it?"

Bruce's jaw tightened at your question. It was a fair point, one he'd wrestled with in the quiet moments of his life. He knew that his crusade as Batman was driven by his own fears and the need to keep the city that had taken his parents safe. But he also knew that the stakes were higher for him than they were for you.

"I've been trained for that," he said finally. "You… you have the biggest heart in the world, but sometimes you don't think about the risks."

You nodded, looking down at the cookies cooling on the rack. "I know," you murmured. "But it's just so hard to resist when I see something that could bring joy to people, especially the boys."

Bruce stepped closer, placing a gentle hand on your cheek. "I know your heart's in the right place," he said. "But we can't keep playing Russian roulette with our lives, not when we have so much to lose. I don't want to lose you. Or see you get hurt. I'm just asking, please, consider the risks before you act. And come to me, talk to me, let's find a way to make this work."

You searched his eyes, the gravity of his words sinking in. You knew he wasn't trying to stifle you; he was just worried. "Okay," you whispered, leaning into his touch. "I'll try."

Bruce's expression relaxed a bit, his thumb brushing against your cheek. "Thank you," he said softly. "Now, how about we sit down and talk about what's been on your mind? Maybe we can come up with some ideas together."

You nodded, swiping a strand of hair from your forehead. "Alright, I'll finish up on the cookies and then we can talk. Until then, want to help? Just to make sure I don't hurt myself?"

Bruce couldn't help but chuckle at your attempt to lighten the mood. "Sure," he said, taking the spatula from your hand. "Let's do this together."

As you both worked side by side in the kitchen, the tension began to ease. You chatted about the different flavors of cookies and which ones the boys would like best, while Bruce carefully placed the finished ones on a plate. The rhythm of your conversation was soothing, and it reminded him of the first time he had met you—how your laugh had filled a room and made him feel alive again.

[eugenedebs1920]

You know!? It ticks me off this perception that Donald Trump, J.D. (Jerkin Dicks)Vance, even Musk, is somehow manly. I mean, Trump and Ol Jerkin D wear more makeup than my wife! You can’t say that’s all just for television. Musk looks like if Smeagal had only kept the ring for 250 years as opposed to 500. His Prrreeeccciooouussss. None of those guys project masculinity. It’s the varsity cricket team and their weird gangly friend.

Does anyone remember when Trump tried to act like he knew how to use a shovel 🤣🤣🤣 That sh*t cracked me up!! Like ‘MFer, where have you seen someone attempt to shovel like that!?’

Then J. Dick Vance projects uncertainty in his sexual identity. It cool if your gay, but don’t fight being gay so much that you are viscous to women and marginalize those who’ve figured out who they are and are not overcompensating for it. it’s coo Jerkin D! We’ll still hate you either way.

I’m pretty sure Musk is a supervillain. But like if Dollar General had a comic book action figure series.. He’d be the main villain in that. Corneal Creepy McBillions, somethin like that.

These guys definitely got picked on in grade school and vowed to get revenge by making everyone else miserable. Thanks bullies! 😑

Speaking of. If you haven’t constantly put people down, talk sh*t on people, (I realize the irony as I’m sh*t talking these f*cks but, physically I don’t think any of them could take me, but power wise, what they could have done to me!! They’d ruin my world..) pinpoint and pick on a vulnerable individual or group, pretty much, if you get hard by making people laugh at or join in on teasing or bullying someone, that itself reeks of insecurity. It shows the flaws in yourself, you’re hiding by putting those flaws onto others before someone sees them in you. Trump is the master of that! If he accuses someone of something, he’s definitely guilty of it.

It doesn’t make you any less of a man to be kind. It’s isn’t a feminine to treat women with respect. It doesn’t make you macho to be a prick. Being racist and ostracizing immigrants doesn’t protrude masculine traits.

You know what women find sexy. Confidence. Knowing who you are, what your values are, compassion, knowing the difference between proper and improper, and sticking to those principles regardless what others would say or entice you to do. Being a good person, because that the good thing to do, proud of oneself, but knowing there’s always room to grow and learn.

I certainly don’t see what’s would constitute being attractive when you are borderline in a cult, infatuate with a 80 year old politician who bankrupted casinos, been accused by 23 women and adjudicated for sexual assault, shameless grifter, hateful, cruel, racist, bully f*ck. It’s just, sorry to say it, weird.

I have a heart and care for people, I build houses for a living. I believe in equality and the rights for EVERYONE, I can rebuild an engine. I think women are people (who knew!?) and should be in control of their own destiny, I am pro 2nd amendment and love to go shooting.

I’ve been in bar brawls, climbed mountains, go hunting, chop wood, ride atv’s, snowboard, go 4wheelin, camping, have a big beard, drink beer, and I think everyone is entitled to dignity, despite their sexual preference, race, religion, gender, what their hair looks like, whatever. Why? Because it’s basic human respect.

The last 2 times America actually won a war it was Democratic (BIG D 😉) administrations. The only 2 presidential administrations to not add to the deficit in the last, nearly 60 years, were both big D Democratic administrations. Democrats passed the Civil Rights Act, all the racist Dixiecrats jumped ship and became Republican. Democrats nominated and elected the first African American president. We have TWICE nominated a woman at the top of the ticket.

While Republicans are whining about having to wear a mask LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DID, Democrats passed legislation to address the problem of unemployment, of vaccinations, of shipping logistics, while they were at it passed a HUGE infrastructure package, invested billions in green energy (our future) and ensured national security by manufacturing the technology materials needed to be the best in the world. Simultaneously creating a ton of well paying, respectable middle class jobs.

The right is too busy talking about Jewish space lasers, and checking out Hunter Biden’s junk, and keeping weed illegal, and worrying about bathrooms and sh*t.

How is that manly at all?! Acting like a bunch of whiny immature kids! They even whine when they win!! It’s stupid! It’s a waste of time, money and energy. Just grow up and do the job you’re elected to do!

So yea… I would say the right isn’t the vision of manhood they pretend they are. It’s overgrown children, spoiled to the core, acting out because they want it their way 😤

What shows manliness is doing your job, and doing it to the best of your ability. Being a kindhearted person and willing to help someone in need. Being true to yourself, and in turn others. Being knowledgeable yet willing to learn. Being brave, but admitting when you’re scared.

[xetlynn]

Hey! I was wondering if you could do a Eren, Jean, Connie and Reiner x reader. Maybe it could be a get together turned reader getting a train ran on her. But If it’s too much I understand 🫢

Yes... and done! lol

AOT IMAGINES: Eren, Reiner, Jean, and Connie

Game Night!

⚠️WARNING🔞: SMUT!

[aot] [main page] Contains: Filthy smut, filthiest, m!reveiving oral, f!receiving oral, gangbang?, voyeurism, slight exhibitionism, anal, doggy, riding, facef@cking, just a whole lot.

“We have a game night going on tonight, you gonna join?” Eren sneaks up behind you, looping his fingers in your jeans to pull you toward him. “Mm, I don’t know I have lots of homework.” You lie, looking up at him with a small smirk. He scoffs, holding onto your waist. “Don’t leave me alone with them, I’m sure we’ll get to have our fun after…” His eyebrows wiggle up and down causing you to chuckle, shaking your head at his horniness. 

Eren and you have been friends for four years, Jean introduced the two of you since they’ve been friends since middle school and now roommates in college. Ever since last year the two of you have been hooking up on and off. Never getting into something serious but also not messing around with anyone else even though you guys have full permission to do so. 

“You’re an idiot but what time?” Pushing away from him to grab your backpack out of the backseat of your car. “Around 7, so you’re coming?” He secretly not so secretly checks you out while facing the other way and being bent over. Biting his lip to avoid saying something dirty. 

“I guess I will be there. As long as you promise to give me something in return.” You sling your bag over your shoulder, giving him a sultry expression. “Oh I’ll give you something alright.” He pulls you into him by putting his arm around your neck and playfully kissing the top of your head.

 “Okay, I’ll see you later, you freak.” Giving him a quick peck on the lips before hurrying away to your first class of the day. 

•••

“You gonna fuck her tonight, while we’re all here?” Jean crosses his arms, annoyed that his friend has no decency. “Yeah, maybe we can even give you guys a show. If not, I know you’ll get just as excited with hearing her.” Eren rubs his hand down his torso, pretending to get himself off. The ash-brown haired boy sighs, rolling his eyes. “I should’ve never let you two meet if I knew this was going to become a thing.” 

“I’m glad you did, actually.” Eren plops down on their couch, taking his phone out automatically seeing a text from the person they’re conversing about. “Yeah because you get your dick wet now.” 

“Don’t sound too jealous, I’m sure I can share just say the word.” He winks just as Reiner and Connie enter the house with groceries. “What about sharing?” Connie raises a brow, curious. 

“Nothing-” “[Name], he’s jealous because I get to dick her down every night.” Eren cracks himself up with his own words, texting you back at the same time. “Honestly, I get it.” Connie truthfully admits, throwing the bags down on the counter. “I don’t mean to be so crude but yeah, she’s pretty attractive.” Reiner chimes in with dusty red cheeks, sort of feeling guilty for talking about you in such a manner since he’s only met you a total of four times. 

“See, and I bet you she’d be fine with it.” Eren shows a picture of you sucking his dick unprompted making Jean look away in disgust. “Dude, I don’t want to see your fucking penis.” He slaps his friend’s hand causing him to drop his phone. “Such a priss.” Eren snorts, picking his phone back up. 

“When did you tell her to come over?” Reiner changes the subject while pulling out large bowls to put chips in them. “7 so like thirty minutes.” Eren answers, placing his legs on the coffee table. “Did you tell her to bring some friends?” Connie perks up as he asks the question. “No, I don’t need her squealing, obnoxious friends coming.” The long haired brunette scoffs. 

“He’s only saying that because they don’t like him.” Jean smirks, going to the kitchen to help his friends with setting everything up. “They don’t like him?” Reiner raises a brow, not exactly surprised but just wondering what the reason was. “They caught us fucking one time and got envious since their boyfriends didn’t have a huge dick like me.” Eren partially lies. They did catch them fuck once but that was definitely not occasion. 

“He got wasted and told [Name] he loved her then the next day acted like nothing happened.” Jean exposes the guy who’s jaw slacks open, not expecting to be called out. Connie and Reiner laugh. “I don’t understand why you don’t just date her.” Jean shrugs his shoulders, unaffected by the hit to his bicep. “It’s easier this way, no commitment.”

“Doesn’t it make it… more difficult?” Reiner comes and places the chip bowls down. Connie brings bottles of Corona still in the cardboard pack. “Nah, it’s easier. Trust.” Eren crosses his fingers before going back to texting you who was actually down the street already. Being earlier than told to be like you usually were. 

He stands up, heading over to the door as the three finish getting stuff situated for the card games. Normally Armin and a few others would join but they had stuff to do so Eren insisted on inviting [Name] for one time. 

Your black car pulls in a spot in the street since their driveway was packed with their four cars. You come out wearing a simple black skirt and dark green tank top with a black cardigan over it. It was casual but also night. It made Eren’s dick twitch in his pants knowing you could keep that skirt on during sex later. You give him a wave, locking your car behind you as you walk towards the house. He gives a wave back, whistling at you. “A skirt?” He mutters, tilting his head. You smile. “Easy access.” You whisper with a wink as you walk past him and into the house. He mumbles something under his breath, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, following behind. 

“Hey guys!” You address everyone with a polite grin. “Hey, [Name].” Jean gets up to give you a hug. “Hii horse face.” You joke, squeezing him in the hug before letting go. “Nice to see you two again.” You go over to Connie and Reiner to give them hugs as well. “Thank you for having me!” 

“It’s no problem, it’s nice to see you too.” Reiner pats your back gently. “Yeah, we love having you here.” Connie adds. 

“Awe I love being here.” You sit on the couch with Eren and Jean, Connie plops down on the ground as Reiner grabs a chair from the mini dining room they have. 

An hour into playing cards humanity and slight drinking. Not much, only having one corona each and not even finishing them. Eren begins to get antsy, his hand traveling all over your body. Not really being able to be discreet due to sitting on the couch you have to push his hand away.

 After the sixth attempt of touching your inner thigh you stand up. “I’m going to get a water.” You announce, climbing over Eren and accidentally flashing Connie who was now laying on the ground. He didn’t mind one bit though. 

“Get me one too.” Jean says leading a train of the other three wanting one as well. Eren takes this to his advantage and he joins you. To “help you get water bottles.” 

As you're bent over in the fridge, have to dig around protein milks and other drinks to where the waters are in the back. “Man it’s like you’re trying to get fucked in front of my friends.” Eren comes up behind you, rubbing his clothed crotch against your ass. You get startled, hitting your head on the top of the fridge. “Ow!” You cry out, standing up to slap the boy who was laughing. 

“Sorry, sorry, c’mere.” He kisses the back of your head holding your waist to keep you close against him. “Gosh you just want an excuse to touch me.” You whisper, pushing him away from you going back to the fridge and squatting down to quickly grab the five water bottles. 

“We should just go to the bedroom now.” He turns you around, starting to attack your neck knowing it was a weak spot for you. Purposely making it extremely laborious for you to decline his righteous offer. 

“I- no, we're hanging out with your friends Eren!” You meeped out, attempting to force him off of you. “We won’t mind.” A voice speaks from beside the both of you guys. Your heads shoot over to see Connie standing there, taking a swig of his beer. “I mean as long as we could join.” Connie teases, throwing his bottle into the trash then reaching over to grab his water. Your face heats up at his proposal even if it was only a joke it sort of turned you on at the thought. 

You and Eren make eye contact and he sees your pupils dilate making him snicker. “If you’re up for it, let’s get the others. She seems soaked just by her facial expression to your little suggestion.” Eren grabs you by the waist. “Go to the room, get ready for me.” He whispers in your ear, not giving you the choice to argue with him. 

Eren had always made jokes about letting his friends hit while he watched or you would even threaten fucking Jean just to piss him off. So you were beginning to actually get your hopes up. 

As you scurried right to his room, knowing exactly where it is since he would sneak you in at night to have “sleepovers” that just turned into him fucking you for hours. 

Reiner and Jean look confused on why you left in the middle of the game. Both standing up to talk to Eren and Connie who were heading back. “Is she okay?” Jean questions worriedly. “She seemed like she was in a rush.” Reiner mutters. 

“Oh she’s perfect.” Eren throws water bottles at the two of them. Connie was practically beyond himself, not believing this was real. He was only joking because of the shit Eren was talking about earlier. “Why’d she- seriously? Right now?” Jean scrunches his face, not irritated that Eren chose now to fuck you. 

“Wait, wait, listen to him Jean before you get all upset.” Connie puts his hands up then motions Eren to go ahead. Eren licks his teeth before speaking. “She wants us to fuck her. Together. Take turns, you know? Get your little wackers wet. Finally experience life as a man.” Eren begins to ramble, Reiner’s face turns red at his lewd choice of phrases. Jeans mouth opens, going to say something but nothing comes out. Connie laughs, jumping up and down while hitting his friends excitedly. “Are you serious?” Reiner blurts out. 

“Mhm, I was there!” Connie says. “She’s getting ready for us right now.” Eren grabs his hair-tie from his wrist and puts his hair up messily. “Let’s not keep her waiting.” He leads his three roommates into his bedroom where you waited nervously on the edge of his bed. 

Your cardigan is already discarded on his gaming chair. Not knowing what else to do with yourself while you sat there, impatient while also nervous. When the door opened you tensed up, standing up to see the four men walk in. 

“Hey, pretty.” Eren goes over to you, pulling you into a sloppy kiss. “You want this, hm?” He double checks this is something you’re interested in. You nod your head shyly. “Remember what we talked about, babe?” He reminds you and you sigh. “Yes, I want it.” 

“Good girl.” He kisses your jaw. 

Reiner, Connie and Jean watched with dry mouths and erected cocks just begging to be free of their pants. You look over Eren and smile at them. “Well this isn’t a show, come on.” You reach your hand out and they instantly listen. Connie being the first one to connect his lips to yours. Reiner’s thick hands groping your waist and chest as Jean just made out with your neck. Eren stands back for a moment letting his friends enjoy his girl. 

After they took turns manhandling you Eren pushed them off to strip you down quite quickly, not even giving you a chance to understand what was happening. Not even leaving any room for surprises.

“I need you to show them how you suck my dick. Give them a preview of what’s coming.” He takes you by your neck and you whimper in response before dropping to your knees. Your body shivered from the sudden coldness, your nipples hardening. 

As you took Eren’s pants and boxers off for him he took his shirt off to expose his abs just the way you like it. His dick sprung up, hitting his lower stomach, your mouth watering at the sight. Pussy clenching around nothing, your thighs tightening together to soothe the ache. 

In the corner of your eyes the three boys slowly got undressed, rubbing their own cocks  while staring down at you. Observing your every move you make on Eren’s hard-on. 

Your smaller hands grab onto him, giving it gentle kisses with your licked lips. His member fidgets with every first touch you’ve made. You look up to him with a smile before sticking your tongue out, flattening it when his member lays in his mouth. He lets out a fluttery groan. 

“So perfect, angel.” He grabs ahold of your hair once your head starts to bob back and forth. 

The smutty sounds of his dick hitting the back of your throat and the sultry sucks of your hollowed cheeks. Eren pets your hair, fixing it after he grabbed it. “Th-there we go, just like that.” He huffs out. He turns to the three who are bewildered. “Jean, come here.” He orders, Jean slowly does so, standing on the right side of you. “Take his dick in your hand, angel.” 

You cooperate smoothly while swirling your tongue around Eren’s cock. Taking Jean’s member in hand, feeling it. He had similar size to Eren, maybe a little shorter but almost the same. You take Eren out of your mouth for a split second. “Spit in my hand.” You tell Jean who looks taken aback at first but does what he’s told. 

You get back to blowing the long haired boy as you begin to pump Jean slowly. Speeding up pace when you get a little too focused on Eren. Your hand tightening. “Oh fuck.” Jean throws his head back in pleasure from the vulgar handjob. 

“I’m getting close…” Eren takes your head with both hands and humps into your mouth, his dick now roughly thrusting in and out. “Take it, take it, make sure to swallow.” He whines deeply, his coarse words making your pussy even more drenched than it already was.

Eren shoves you further onto his cock, your nose touching his stomach as his seed fills down your throat. “Yeah, good girl, good girl.” He whispers, hearing your gags and moans. Your empty hand scraping down his thigh. 

He roughly lets you go and you let out coughs, recuperating. Getting your breathing back to normal. Eren lifts your face up. “Open.” He orders. You do so, he moves your head around making sure there was nothing left in there. He spits in your mouth before kissing you.

“You’re a bit mean.” Connie chuckles darkly. “She likes it.” Eren pets your face. “Don’t you, angel?” He crouches down to your level and you nod your head. Your hand still held onto Jean but it wasn’t moving. Jean didn’t mind though. His head was already filled with ideas of what he wanted to do with you. 

“Damn…” Connie murmurs. 

“Take it away Jean.” Eren smacks his friends back. Jean wanted to hit him back but instead his focus turned to you. “Stand up, sweetheart.” He spoke nicer to you than Eren just was. You take his extended hand and he helps you up. “On the bed.” He motions. 

You climb on the bed and sit on your needs, looking vulnerable but oh-so-gorgeous. Your lips plumped from Eren using your mouth so tastelessly. Your boobs on display for the whole room to see and your thighs are plump and soft-looking. “Lay back, I’m going to take care of you now.” Jean touches your shoulder and you adjust yourself. Putting pillows down where your head was going to lay so you could also watch what was going to happen to you. 

“I want a little taste.” He smiles, his calloused hands pulling your legs apart. “Beautiful cunt, don’t you boys think?” Jean moves out of the way for Reiner and Connie to see. Eren even glances over Jean’s shoulder as if he doesn’t see it on the regular. 

“Didn’t see you as a munch, horse boy.” You commentate, poking fun at your long time friend. “Yeah, yeah.” He kneels down, grabbing your hips and yanking you to the edge of the bed. You yelp at the unexpected action. He snickers. Jean kitten licks at your clit, toying with it up and down then side to side. You hum in response to it. He then sucks on it, keeping it between his lips. He earns a gasp from you. Feeding his ego. 

“Oh my goodness.” Your leg goes over his shoulder as he embarks on a new set of pace with his tongue. Lapping up all of your juices, exploring every crevice of your delectable pussy. 

“Shit, shit, that feels amazing.” You squeal, grabbing his hair with one hand and your other playing with your nipple. He pulls back for a singular moment to breathe it all in. “It tastes so sweet like candy.” He informs the two that watch. They were so invested in the scene before them that they weren’t even paying attention to their own cocks. 

Jean attacks your nub once more, his face moving side to side giving even more friction to you. Your pussy talking back to him, the wetness squelching with his eating. “I think she needs more attention, huh?” Jean chuckles, entering a singular finger inside your hole. “Ha-hah, add another.” You breathily moan, bringing him closer with your calf up against the back of his head. 

He does as you asked, his fingers pumping slowly in and out, matching what he did with his mouth. His fingers inspect your walls, curling to reach your g-spot. You jerk your hips up in response. “Are you getting close, angel?” Eren comes up next to you on the bed, rubbing his dick while watching your pornographic expression laid across your face. The scrunching of your nose indicating that you were about to reach your first orgasm of the night. “Mhm, ‘s so good, Eren.” You wail, chest heaving up and down. “Don’t tell me that, angel. Praise the one doing you.” He kisses your forehead.

“Jean, your doing fucking amazing.” You gritted out, tugging on his hair. “Mhm?” His voice vibrates onto your clit causing that chain reaction, your pussy walls pulsing and clenching down on his fingers as you squirt right into his mouth. 

“Fuck!” You scream, rolling your pelvis down to ride out the wave. “God damn.” Reiner huffs shakily, not ready for his turn after that. 

Once you let go of his hair Jean pulls back, his fingers leaving you empty. The three boys watch your little desperate hole gape, moving for absolutely nothing. “I need a sample real quick.” Connie flips you over without a warning and spreads your ass cheeks before he dives right into your already sensitive pussy. You let out a loud moan, your hand attempting to push his head back to no avail. His tongue and lips attacking your cunt like a mad-man who has never eaten before in his life.

 “Oh my god!” You cry out, your face hiding in the sheets, teeth biting down on the pillow. He pulls back so he can go back in and motorboat himself between your ass. “Fucking hell.” Connie says. “I’m sorry Jean but I can’t wait anymore.” He says to his roommate who just puts his hands up in understanding. Not stopping Connie whatsoever. 

The buzz-cut headed man spits down on his member, lathering it around with his hand.

 “Sorry for this, [Name] I’m just too impatient.” He apologizes quietly, you go to turn your head but he pushes it back down with his hand and without notice his dick is fully sheathed into that tight hole of yours. Your walls ping in pain for only a small moment. It was already distracted by the malicious, supersonic thrusts, in and out of your cunt. His hand smacking down on your ass cheeks.

Eren grins at the sight, he knew you enjoyed taking it rough. Eren stands up, getting his phone from his pants pocket and then going over to you. “Say cheese, angel.” He cooed at you. You lift your head up with a fuck-out smile, Connie doing a rock-and-roll sign with one hand as the other was gripping your ass roughly, his tongue sticking out. Eren clicks the button a few times, getting different angles. 

Your legs shake at the force of him pistoning in and out of you. Getting close once again just from Connie Springer fucking the absolute shit out fo you. “This pussy is ruining me.” He grunts, his thumb sliding down from your ass cheek to in between the other. Carefully maneuvering to your puckered other pink hole. “You like your asshole being toyed with? Ever stuck anything in here?” Connie asks as he slid his thumb around it. “No.” You shake your head. He smirks. “Glad I can be the first one.” He sticks it in with no remorse and your back stretches out. “Ho-holy fuck!” You scream out.

His thumb toys around your asshole, not going too deep but enough to know he’s there. You arch back down, wiggling closer to him as your tummy tightenings. “Gonna cum…” You mutter. “Really? You going to cum because of this dick?” Connie begins to repeatedly hit the back of your pussy, over and over again. “Mhm, go-gonna cum all over that dick, you dick!” 

“I’m a slut for this cock.” You huff. “A slut, huh?” He furrows his brows, slapping down on your ass another time. “Yeah a dirty fucking slut.” You answer him. 

“Yeah you are.” He laughs as your body begins to jerk and jolt. Waves of pleasure hitting you all at once and you let go. Your pussy creaming all over his dick along with squirt spraying out making a huge mess on the sheets with no one to catch it this time. “Gonna cum.” Connie lets you go, pushing you forward to take his dick out. His hand jerking it off really fast. His noises get stuck in his throat as he cums on your reddened ass cheeks. 

You lay there quietly, catching your breath after your second orgasm. Eren takes a picture of your cum sprayed ass, your own liquids dripping down your thighs along with the messied sheets all in frame. He lifts you up by your hair and shows you the picture. “Send me that.” You tiredly say. “Of course.” He snorts. 

“Who do you want next, angel? Jean or Reiner?” Eren quizzes you after wiping your ass with his cum rag that he had laying next to the bed already washed for tonight. “Both.” You lift yourself up, wagging your finger for the boys to get on the bed. Your face was a mess, tears stained cheeks, the little makeup you had on practically gone. 

You had laid Reiner down on the bed and had Jean stay at the edge of the bed. “Be patient.” Was all you said to him before you climbed on the dirty-blonde who was being super quiet. “Nice seeing you.” You say, reminding him of when you first entered the house. His face flushes. “You too.” 

You giggle, you stand on your toes as you squat all the way down. Looking down at his dick it was girthier than all the other guys. Nice size as well. You bite your bottom lip, excited. 

“Hold it up for me, handsome.” You tell him, his hand slowly goes to the base of his cock, standing it straight up for you. 

You hold onto his chest with both hands as you leveled yourself down on him. Aggravatingly slow until it filled you all the way. You fixed your footing before you bounced up and down. Still holding onto his pecs to keep yourself balanced. “Thick, thick dick.” You moaned out, your skin clapping each time you bounced down onto his thighs. “Tight pussy.” He grunts in response, slapping your ass. “Mhm, you think so?” You ask, it almost sounded sincere. “So perfect.” He whimpers. 

His hands go to your waist to help you keep going. You were rotating your hips perfectly but Reiner needed more. He enjoyed watching your perfect tits moving like water in front of his face but he had to fuck you. 

Reiner plants his feet down on the bed, thrusting his hips up causing you to fall forward on him. “Sorry, you were going too slow.” He holds you close with an arm over your waist, rutting his hips up into you. “It-it’s oka-ay!” You assure him, your legs drop letting him do all of the work now. “Hah- fuck!” You held onto him by his neck as he fucked you. Your face hiding in his chest. 

Eren takes another picture from where Jean was. “Get in there man.” Eren points to your ass. “She’s an anal virgin, perfect for you.” He winks. Jean’s cheeks turn pink from his friend's filthy mouth. 

Eren and you both lied, he’s been in your ass before, but you guys both knew they would enjoy hearing that you never did it. Reiner notices what Jean was about to do so he slowed down, letting you lean slightly back up. Jean comes up behind after making sure his dick was lathered with a mixture of his pre-cum and spit. He takes some of your own cum that was on Reiners dick and adds it to his own. 

Reiner stops but keeps you on his chest as Jean slowly enters your asshole. You let out a cry, gripping even tighter onto the blond. “You okay?” Jean stops just right past his tip. “Keep going, keep going.” You encourage him. 

He thrusts forward until he bottoms out. Reiner felt Jean's dick on the other side when he began to move. You practically felt them rubbing up on another inside you. Connie joins you three on the bed, standing over you to get an even better view. Eren as the pro-photography he was becoming takes a few more photos from different angles as you get fucked in the ass and pussy at the same time. 

You notice Connie and you grab onto his thigh. “C’mere.” You pull him close and he puts his leg on the other side of Reiner so he is right in front of you now. 

“Fuck my throat.” You crudely tell him. Connie smirks, taking your head with one hand, sliding his dick into your mouth. “Give me the phone Eren.” Connie reaches out and the brunette hands it over. Connie takes a video of himself facefucking you as you yourself get fucked. 

Eren does a peace sign in the background, rubbing his cock with his other hand. 

+Extra+

The four boys were in the kitchen as you were sound asleep in the room after being cleaned up. “That was insane.” Jean takes a drink of water. Reiner nodded in agreement. “I told you man, she’s something else.” Eren laughs, leaning against the counter. 

“She really knows how to take dick. I would’ve never guessed it either.” Connie talks to himself as he watches the video he took. “You were hiding that from us for too long.” The bald-headed boy hands the phone back to its owner. “Well I had to do a build up somehow. Didn’t even know what you were missing.” Eren grins proudly. 

“Wife her up.” Jean points a finger in his friend's chest. “Yeah because now that I know that exists… I might have to steal her away.” Connie puts his hands up defensively before leaving the kitchen.

“Hate to agree.” Reiner chuckles.

----------------------------

This took me... 4 hours to make? Smut takes me a very long time... I hope it was good though omg. Second time making a smut imagine:0

[krizariel]

Inspired on an episode from HIMYM - because is my background noise show:

Tim hooking up with Jason thinking he is a hooker because whoever introduced them (probably OG Bernard) was playing a prank on Tim for being a prude/too puritan and is not like Tim had much time to find a date for the wedding he had to go to. He is still friends with his ex but it hasn't been that long since the break-up and its awkward and now they have to go to the same wedding since they are within the same group of friends.

Bernard: You should totally bring a date

Tim: what? who am I gonna bring? I'm too busy as it is and I'm not going to bring a random guy from grindr

Bernard: Eh, just bring an escort

Tim: I'm not THAT desperate.

Bernard: Pfft, what's the big deal, no strings attached, get to show everyone you are doing just fine, no one has to know, you leave with your dignity AND a good time

Tim: You cannot be serious.

Bernard: Oh I'm so serious. What, Tim Drake can't hook up with a hooker now?

Tim: Just no, and seriously shut up. I'll see if I can find someone and I have nothing to prove I don't care to make Steph jealous. Plus I'm sure she won't bring a date.

Wedding comes, Tim shows up and Bernard is with his date and another very handsome man.

Tim pulls Bernard to the side because what?!

Tim: Who is that?

Bernard: Oh, you know, found you a date *wink*, thank me later.

Tim: With a hooker!?

Bernard: What, too handsome to be a hooker uh? No one would ever suspect anything

Tim: That's beside the point! I had said no-

Bernard: Geez, give it a try no one said to sleep or do anything with him? He is just a companion tonight, whatever else happens is up to you

Tim: I know that! But-

Steph: You guys ok there?

Steph and her date had joined Jason and Ariana (Bernard's date) and they had come looking for Bernard and Tim.

Jason: Hey, you are way cuter than described.

And he winked at Tim. He was way too handsome, towering the whole group.

Tim at first is kind of forced to go along but it would be awkward to reject Jason since he was already there, and it was not his fault plus damn he looked stunning. They hit it off just fine, in fact it was great, Jay was a total nerd, they spent most of the night talking, drinking and flirting, and Tim started to feel all giddy and more emboldened to just flirt back. Is not like he will see him again right?

The event was at a hotel and they were going to leave their own ways. At first Tim was reluctant because well, he has never done this before and maybe this is going to be really expensive but… what the hell, he hasn't been with anyone for some time and he really finds he likes Jason even if he is a hooker and might not actually like Tim. So he invited Jason to his room to which Jason just said: Was starting to think you were not going to ask. That would have been no fun.

They hook up, sex is amazing, 100/10 would do it again … , and Tim leaves a few $100 bills by the table and just leaves a note with his number saying call me. Tim thinks well… at least maybe this way he knows Tim is still interested to see him again. Tim feels crazy because what has his life come to… and no, is not like this will be a Pretty Woman kind of plot, Jason probably has other people to see and WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM!? He will totally not tell anyone about this and certainly won't tell Bernard how did it go.

Well, Jason never calls him, Tim doesn't have his number, so he can't call him. Not long afterwards Tim has an accident on his bike, the paramedics come get him and Tim sees Jason there. At first Tim thinks maybe he is hallucinating because he totally has a concussion but-

Tim: Jason? what are you doing here?!

Jason: My job?? Didn't Bernard tell you I was a paramedic?

Tim: WHAT? AREN'T YOU A HOOKER!?!?

Jason: What.

Jason has half the mind to not punch Tim because he is having flashbacks of having such an amazing time with this rich kid that seemed nothing like the rest but then he wakes up alone and with money by the bed table. So insulting.

Jason: I'm a fucking PARAMEDIC… now shut the fuck up before I fucking make your injuries worse and lose my license.

Anyway, they clear things up (and Tim cant look at any of the nurses in the eye because they start giggling). Bernard, Ariana and Jason work at the same hospital and Ariana and Jason are good friends. Bernard invited Jason with them, telling him he had a good friend of his who is really cute but pretty lonely and can't find a date since he barely has any time to get himself out there. Jason shot him down at first with thanks but no thanks, but Ariana (Bernard's gf) told him Tim is actually really nice. Since Jason didn't have any plans he ended up accepting.

Jason: So you slept with me…thinking I was a hooker?!

Tim: …. Listen I wasn't going to do any of it, I swear but you were so funny, witty, smart, loved talking to you and in just a few hours I found I really was starting to like you, you were amazing… and didn't matter what you did for a living. I genuinely wanted to see you again and now I'm babbling and not making any sense I'm sorry-

Jason: The fuck is wrong with ya?… after another string of curses

Tim: I- … I'm sorry, I know this is a mess and I understand if you don't want to see me again-

Jason: No, I was talking to myself because for whatever reason I find ya oddly sweet.

Jason: But first, I'm going to do something for myself and slash Bernard's bike tires :)

Tim: Oh, can I join you?

Jason: Sure. It's a date Timbit ;)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt in Memes 6

Let's make it some in-world memes this time :)

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[blackvahana]

I'm (mostly) keeping Purple Orange and Gold out of this because I haven't been working with them recently, but like. You have. Deus Ex Machina in the way of The Organic Is Machine And He Will Change You To Change Reality, you have Death and War and natural disasters, you have the One to Whom Soldiers Are Sacrificed In War. I'm looking at selves like...

The parts of myself I keep hidden are. all parts, because these are all ultimately halves of aspects and if you suppress an aspect you suppress the aspect... but I see the way I bleed into people. I see the Violent Mother, the one who will bleed your body out on her altar and who tears apart the bodies of the enemy to protect her hatchlings. Ive tried to stay human, but ultimately... this flesh, this soul flesh, eats human bodies. This takes human sacrifices. This tears apart countries, this drives people into psychosis, this pours revelation into eyes that either adapt to handle it or go mad, literally.

The whole part of Godhood is that you are what you are and you actively are it, you actively Be it. This - Dei - is the mergence of opposites which is in itself both the unification of opposites and the rending of similarities in one. Creation Through Destruction.

I'm constantly sitting here grasping at the shredded fabrics I have left (they're shrinking over time) of humanity and. guys. shh. the humans don't like this stuff. Guys, I'm not dancing and infecting people, I'm trying so hard to be quiet down here

[bumblingbabooshka]

Help Me

[starlooove]

He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

the duality of trueform!Dean

he's glowing he's everything he's beautiful he's a warrior he's a mother he's a dorky little creacher whose default face is a blep

@castrotophic trueform posting

[gokkyfanboy]

when Im in a sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, and antisemitic compition and my opponent is people from my school

[neverendingford]

.

[cluescorner]

Thanks so much for the recap because like...I have been actively keeping up with this bullshit (/pos AND /neg) and I literally forgot about Tim getting shot in the neck then fucking walking it off.

What the heck is going on in Batman/Gotham War?

I know a lot of people in fandom are confused and/or upset about what's been going on in Gotham War - why is Bruce acting like this, what is Selina doing, why are the Batkids taking sides. So I figured I would fill you all in on what's been happening in Batman and Catwoman since Chip Zdarsky took over with Batman #125, because it has been BONKERS and I have been enjoying the hell out of it.

Below, the quickest summary I can manage while still being comprehensive:

[Content warning: mental illness, abuse, suicide (...ish), LOTS of violence.]

The first arc, "Failsafe," starts with Batman and Robin (Tim, in this case) in pursuit of the Penguin, who is on a killing spree. In the very first issue, Tim gets shot in the neck. Bruce has to take him to the hospital, but first he has to strip him out of his costume and put him in civilian clothes to preserve their secret identities, triggering memories of when he had to do the same to Jason's dead body. There is LITERALLY NO PURPOSE TO ANY OF THIS EXCEPT WHUMP (Tim is back in action with a fucking BAND-AID on his neck very quickly), which is how I knew this was going to be good. Beat Tim up! Make Bruce cry about Jason! I want these men to suffer! (There is also SO much to be said about Tim's own Poor Mental Health Decisions throughout the entirety of Zdarsky's run so far, but that's for a separate meta post.)

Anyway. Bruce leaves Tim in the hospital and goes to confront Penguin, who turns out to be dying of mercury poisoning. He kills himself and makes it look like Batman did it, forcing Bruce to flee. (Penguin actually faked his death and is alive elsewhere under an alias, but that's not important right now.)

In the Batcave, a massive robot called Failsafe emerges. Failsafe attacks Bruce, who usually eats killer robots for breakfast, but he can't seem to get the upper hand on this one. Duke, Cass, Steph, and Dick show up to help, but Failsafe beats them all too, while Tim gets an injured Bruce away and to the Batcave.

In the Batcave, Bruce puts on a weird purple and red Batman costume and a new personality takes over: the Batman of Zur-En-Arrh. Now, Zur has a very complicated history going back to 1958, but for the purposes of this story, all you need to know is that when he was younger, Bruce decided it would be good to hang out in a sensory deprivation chamber until his mind created a secondary personality, Zur, who is essentially Batman without Bruce. Zur is pure efficiency who does not care about anything but the mission. He created Failsafe, for one purpose: to kill Bruce if Bruce ever crossed the line and killed someone. And right now, Failsafe believes that Bruce killed Penguin.

Failsafe nearly kills Tim, which Zur is okay with writing off as an expendable soldier's death, but this causes Bruce to take control of the body back because "Tim isn't my soldier...HE'S MY SON!" (Tim Nation, why are you not ALL OVER this story? It's catnip.)

Babs calls in the JLA (SuperBat fans, you will also want to read Bruce's adoring description of Clark when he shows up), but of course Failsafe has kryptonite, which it stabs Clark with. The League dumps Clark and Bruce into the JLA jet and distracts Failsafe while Tim flies Clark and Bruce to the Fortress of Solitude. Bruce tells Tim he's a good boy and jumps out of the jet and into the ocean so that Tim and Clark will be safe from Failsafe. He's rescued by Arthur, who takes him to Atlantis to heal. THIS HAS ALL ONLY BEEN FOUR ISSUES SO FAR.

Two weeks later, Bruce wakes up to discover that Failsafe has taken over Gotham. He teleports up to the JLA Watchtower on the moon to lure Failsafe there, then blows the Watchtower up, hoping to catch a ride on one of the Javelins. But Failsafe has already destroyed them, so Bruce RIDES A BOOSTER ROCKET BACK TO EARTH, OXYGEN MASK CLAPPED OVER HIS FACE. The whole thing has some powerful Scooty-Puff Jr energy.

The only tricky part is reentry, when Bruce starts to burn up - his costume is fireproof, of course, but his chin is exposed. SO HE TAKES OFF HIS LITTLE BAT-PANTIES AND PUTS THEM OVER HIS HEAD. I swear to god this happened in a real comic book and the entire "Bruce falls off the moon and survives" sequence is utterly delectable goofy nonsense and I truly cannot recall a time I've had more fun reading a comic book.

Anyway, Bruce lands directly outside of the Fortress, BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES, and runs inside to find Clark and Tim. While Clark keeps Failsafe distracted, Bruce and Tim program nanobots to inject compassion into Failsafe. I SWEAR TO GOD. They zap him with the nanobots, but Failsafe pulls a high tech space gun out of the Fortress and shoots Bruce with it anyway, apparently disintegrating him. Tim falls to his knees in the snow, weeping. TIM NATION, WAKE UP, THIS RUN IS CANDY FOR YOU.

But of course Bruce isn't dead! That wasn't a killing gun, it was a "zap you into another dimension" gun!!! THAT was the compassion!

So Bruce finds himself in a dystopian alternate Gotham, and I'll be honest, I didn't love this arc ("The Bat-Man of Gotham") as much as I loved "Failsafe," but it has its moments. In this Gotham, Bruce Wayne is dead, so Regular Bruce is like "Oh boy, time to Batman this place up." Also he's plagued by hallucinations of a skeleton version of Jim Gordon who is still wearing a trench coat AND A MUSTACHE. Like I said, it has its moments.

This Gotham is controlled by Arkham, and anyone who is diagnosed as "crazy" is locked up. A new villain, Red Mask, is in charge, and Selina and a Venomed-up Harvey Dent work for him. Bruce teams up with an orphan kid (of course) named Jewel and goes after Red Mask, who turns out to be some guy named Darwin Halliday and ALSO...the Joker. Well, he's the Joker who hasn't been Jokerized yet. But one time he breathed in some chemicals that let him see into the main reality of the DCU (???) and glimpsed Regular Joker and now he wants to build an interdimensional machine to mentally connect with Regular Joker across universes which he assumes will make him insane, NATURALLY.

Bruce attacks Red Mask, who sics a Venomed-up Ghost Maker on him. Ghost Maker cuts off Bruce's right hand. Bruce cauterizes it with an electroshock machine and ties some spikes on it (SERIOUSLY) and goes after Red Mask again. Meanwhile Red Mask mentally connects with an alternate dimensional Joker...but instead of it driving Red Mask insane, he's what drives the Joker insane. Desperate to become the Joker somehow, anyhow, he jumps into the interdimensional portal, and Morally Dubious Alternate Universe Selina kicks Bruce in after him.

Meanwhile, Tim is in full "I KNOW I SAW HIM DIE BUT HE'S NOT DEAD" mode, which: bless. So he teams up with Jon Kent, which...gosh, what an astonishingly boring duo. I love Jon, I love Tim, they're perfectly nice and normal around each other, I'm falling asleep. Anyway Tim fights Toyman for a while and then makes a VERY stupid costume where the entire torso is a giant light-up R, because "I want him to see that Robin is coming to save him." GET A THERAPY, TIM.

Bruce finds himself first in the Michael Keaton Batman universe, then the Red Rain universe, BTAS, Batman Beyond (yes I know they're the same universe but I guess he goes there twice), Silver Age, Kingdom Come, Gotham by Gaslight, and more. Adam West gives him a utility belt. The Dark Knight Returns Bruce builds him a robot hand.

Finally Bruce and Red Mask reach the end of the multiverse, which is a Gotham asteroid floating in space, surrounded by giant Jokerized sharks. LUCKILY BRUCE HAS BAT-SHARK REPELLANT IN HIS ADAM WEST UTILITY BELT!!! Honestly this whole arc was worth it for that moment.

Bruce knocks Red Mask out, but now he's stuck. He has a device from Batman Beyond Bruce to get home, but it's only good for one person, and he can't leave Red Mask there to die. Of course, that's when Tim shows up in his stupid giant glowing R costume and they hug it out, thereby fulfilling but also compounding all of Tim's issues since 1989.

Anyway things are fine now, right? Sure, Bruce is hallucinating that his family is on fire, and the Zur personality is not going neatly back into the box where it's been all these years, and he still has a robot hand (Damian, hilariously, immediately announces that he wants one too), but he's FINE. He is a little bit mad at Selina, because she broke out of jail (she was in jail because she killed her fuckbuddy because he was trying to kill Bruce), and also because she didn't tell him Penguin was alive and that would have stopped Failsafe, and also because Other Selina kicked into another universe. Selina, very fairly, is like "Well I'm not responsible for Other Selinas and also maybe don't build robots to kill yourself with and not tell anyone about them???"

THEN we got Knight Terrors, the summer event in which a villain called Nightmare caused everyone to fall asleep and, uh, have nightmares. Bruce, specifically, had a nightmare that he met an eight-year-old version of himself that vomited up a man-sized bat with a gun for a head. I laughed SO HARD. Bruce also had his body borrowed by Deadman for the duration of the event, so while he endured the psychological toll of nightmares like everyone else, he also endured the physical toll of everything Deadman was doing PLUS the mental toll of being aware of what was happening in the waking world even though he couldn't control his body. As soon as the event was over, he lapsed into a coma so that his body could get some damn rest.

Okay. Now we're up to Gotham War.

(I know, I know. But for all of you who are like "How could Bruce do this???" about Gotham War...*points up* THAT'S HOW. HE IS NOT WELL.)

Bruce awakens from his coma and IMMEDIATELY decides to Fight A Crime even though Babs is like "Maybe don't?" But he can't find any crime, which is...weird. His kids confirm that Gotham's been super quiet since he's been out.

Selina hears that Bruce is awake and is like okay, time to pay the piper. She calls all of the Bats to a meeting and explains that she's the reason crime has been down. See, villains like Joker and Two-Face always have goons, right? But what if the goon supply dried up because the goons have better jobs? So Selina has trained All The Goons In Gotham to be...cat burglars. No violence, no stealing from anyone who can't afford it. More importantly, no helping Scarecrow or whoever commit mass murder.

All of the Batkids are like "Hmm...I feel uncertain about this, but it's working...I don't know what to think..." except for Jason, who thinks it's hilarious and is instantly Team Selina, and Damian, who is staunchly Team Bruce. Bruce, meanwhile, is like "No! NO! THIS IS CRIMES, AND CRIMES IS BAD!" and Selina's like "I mean, robbing from the rich is basically a victimless crime" and Bruce screams, I swear to god, "MY PARENTS WERE 'RICH'!" Inexplicable scare quotes and all. I laughed so hard.

Anyway this is the basis for Gotham War and it is endlessly hilarious to me because everyone in the Batfamily is supposed to be a genius and yet not one single character has pointed out that:

There are jobs the goons could be doing that AREN'T illegal. It's not just violent crime vs. nonviolent crime. There are in fact many other jobs! I am POSITIVE Gotham needs construction workers and hospital orderlies. (Yes, I know it's hard for people with records to get jobs. That isn't addressed.)

Being Batman is SUPER ILLEGAL.

They are all so stupid.

Selina's plan doesn't even work, because one of her thieves gets killed by a rich person defending their home, and Bruce is like "See? This is why crime is bad!" and like...pretty much snaps. He's particularly fixated on Jason, even (rhetorically) threatening to kill him, which is when the other kids jump into the fray on Jason's side, all except for Damian, who like I said is firmly Team Bruce. (This makes complete sense to me, Damian has been dealing with severe trauma and isolation pretty much nonstop since 2018 and he and Bruce have finally made a tenuous peace, so I can understand why he wouldn't want to lose that.)

Also, Vandal Savage buys Wayne Manor. It's so random and SO funny.

OKAY BATMAN #138. Bruce has kidnapped Jason and injected him with a variation on fear toxin which will be triggered whenever Jason's adrenaline spikes, the idea being that Jason is no longer capable of killing - but in practice, Jason is no longer capable of even getting up off the floor, he's so terrified. I want to be really, really clear here: Bruce is like 90% Zur here, and the only reason he goes this route and doesn't kill Jason is because the remaining 10% that's still Bruce loves Jason and is trying to help him. He's just incapable of good or humane help because Zur literally can't do feelings.

Dick knows something is up and is sneaking around Bruce's Secret Other House We've Never Heard Of to figure out what it is. Damian attacks him to protect Bruce. Tim attacks Damian so that Dick can do what he needs to do, and handcuffs Damian to a parking meter:

THERE IS SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE!!! TIM GO TO THERAPY! DAMIAN GO TO THERAPY! EVERYONE GO TO THERAPY!!!!!

Dick figures out what Bruce did to Jason (it's on the computer, for...some reason?) and absolutely loses his shit on Bruce, beating the crap out of him, which tbh is the only thing that felt off to me in this run because frankly I don't think Dick likes Jason that much. BUT WHATEVER.

Tim pulls Dick off of Bruce. Bruce leaves them both tangled in a net and flees as the cops approach. Zur's like "Good, fuck 'em" in Bruce's head, because the cops will expose Dick, Tim, and Damian's secret identities and Bruce will be free of the dead weight of a family, but the little bit of Bruce still in there throws Dick a batarang so he can free them all in time.

Then Bruce leaves. Damian is devastated.

I WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS PAGE. Damian really thought he could have Bruce's love and loyalty if he turned on everyone else! Tim is going to be a therapy dog to a Wayne even if he has to settle for the one he doesn't like! That unresisting, blank hug made me SCREAM when I turned the page. Incredible. (Also the art fucking S L A P S, god bless you Jorge Jimenez.)

ALSO it turns out that Selina's second in command has been Vandal Savage's daughter Scandal Savage the whole time and they are turning Selina's cat burglar army into their own personal army WHOOPS. (This also feels very OOC for Scandal but at this point I trust Zdarsky with my life so let's see where things go.)

SO THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON IN GOTHAM WAR. TL;DR:

Bruce is unhinged because he nearly died like 19 times in a week and it unlocked the smaller, meaner purple Batman that lives inside him.

Selina is unaware that you can get money legally.

Tim is going to have a nervous breakdown if he can't fix someone, ANYONE.

Damian needs a hug but ideally from someone he actually likes this time.

Jason is so scared.

THE END.

[leyiorr]

i can't stop looking at her t-t-t-t, FACE!

mdni.

satoru gojo is doomed.

why is he doomed, you ask? well, put bluntly, you, his girlfriend of five months, are driving him absolutely crazy.

crazy is an understatement, actually. insane, mad, mental, unhinged, deranged, bonkers - whatever you want to call it. he's holding on by a thread; the thinly woven string known as sanity growing ever weaker as the days roll by and turn into weeks.

of course, he's only blaming you. you hadn't actually done anything wrong.

you're the first relationship satoru's had in his life, and he'd be damned if some inappropriate thoughts ruin his chances with the love of his life. he'd never been happier - dating you gave him the kind of happiness he thought only existed in movies; the kind of giddiness of a child in a candy store.

he was devoted to you in every way, shape and form - you are everything he's dreamed of and more.

more.

that's right, you were more.

recently, you were the devil's temptation personified.

surprisingly, even after twenty-odd years of being one of the most attractive guys around, and having women throw themselves at him like he's some kind of greek deity, satoru is a virgin. i'll repeat that, he is a virgin. a fact that only suguru knows. a fact that he's neglected to tell his girlfriend.

he may have a flirtatious personality and the ability to charm ninety percent of the human race with one of his thousand-kilowatt smiles, but in truth, he had never dated anyone. ever. let alone got his dick in a pussy.

so when he starts wanting to go further, he's not sure how to bring it up without sounding like a horndog.

it all started when you wore a sleek black dress to one of your dates. it clung to your figure, fabric wrapping shamelessly around your every curve and tickling your midthigh at its end. and if that wasn't bad enough, it had a plunging neckline, giving the world - satoru specifically - an eyeful of the assets god gifted you with. your boobs were practically spilling out of your dress, the light catching your cleavage as you held his arm. he could feel himself salivating like some sort of perv. how was he supposed to focus with aphrodite's personal creation hanging off his arm?

his eyes began to drift to the flesh of your chest more than he'd like to admit. all sorts of r-rated scenarios ran through his head and he dared to entertain every. single. one. he could do so much with them, tease them, spit on them, pinch them, suck on them, put his dick between them-

“satoru?”

his gaze snaps back to your face at record speed. you notice how he's chewing his bottom lip, flush creeping onto his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. his hands are clammy; there's suddenly too little oxygen in his room.

“did you listen to anything i said?” your arms fold beneath your bosom and satoru almost implodes.

what do you expect him to do? the necklace around your neck has his initial on it, and it hovers over your tits almost mockingly. if it snapped, the letter would fall right between the valley of your breasts-

“satoru!”

he's choking on his saliva, apologizing profusely as he encourages you to continue your story - though he hasn't heard shit over the blood pumping loudly in his ears.

it's a battle no, a war between his rationality and his desires and he doesn't know which is winning. his rationality wins when he's around you - he just sucks in a breath and thugs it out, no matter how much his dick shouts at him. but in private, he's letting the desires win as his fists himself to the thought of you, your lips, your ass; your boobs.

the first time he sees you in a bikini he has to take a breather before he can get into a game of beach volleyball with you and the group.

(and even then he was struggling. every time you jumped for the ball the only thing he was looking at was your tits.)

he should be neutered. effective immediately.

it drags out for so long that you finally notice, and force him to talk to you about why he's avoiding you, and if you'd done anything wrong. but all you get is:

“baby, i'm so sorry- you're so pretty and i can't help myself. i didn't know how to bring up that i wanted to take our relationship to the next step, you mean the world to me and i'd hate to make you uncomfortable-” he trips and stumbles over his words-

“...is that it?”

and his eyes bug out of his head as he stares at you. weeks, months of agony over this and all you have to say is 'is that it'?

he doesn't even have chance to respond; to process your words before you're popping the top button of your blouse.

yeah, satoru gojo is doomed.

[fmhobeus]

fwb!suguru who knew he wanted to fuck when he first laid eyes on you. then wanted to take you out to endless dinners to chat his ears off when he first spoke to you.

fwb!suguru who grew to like you without fucking you, almost forgot it was what he wanted you for – a life together or a night together?

fwb!suguru whose dick got painfully hard when you taunted him, rolled your eyes at him or outwitted him. he lived for your sassiness.

fwb!suguru who happened to fuck you on a random night unexpectedly and it changed the trajectory of his life.

fwb!suguru who stayed after every dick appointment. cuddled with you on the bed, watched movies or your favourite TV show, ordered take out and held you in his arms till you both inevitably fell asleep.

fwb!suguru who couldve sworn he wasn't in love with you. he would still fuck other people (and then come back to you, poor baby was thinking of you the whole time)

fwb!suguru whose grown accustomed to your presence. he calls you when he isn't feeling okay, you call him when something bothers you. he's grown used to you telling him all about work, how you got your nails done, how you saw a cute cat near your apartment. trivial details, which coming from anyone else he would hang up, but he looks forward to them with you.

fwb!suguru who eventually stops fucking other people and is just your man, without you knowing.

fwb!suguru who is determined to mark you up in placed people will notice. your neck, your thighs, your collarbones.

fwb!suguru who believes in giving you his all. all of his long girthy dick that pumps you full it should be criminal, his long slim fingers that have made you orgasm so often and hit that deep spot with unbeat ease, his long tounge... oh god his tounge. he thinks maybe even his long life ahead is yours too, all yours. his little kids too maybe? he doesn't like to think too much about that.

fwb!suguru who has to have your pussy checked with his tounge daily. he has to lap up your insides no matter any circumstances. his voice purrs across your body when he talks you through your orgasm.

"mhmm yeah cum all over my face beautiful, I know you want to"

fwb!suguru who gets sick at the thought of you sitting so pretty for another man when you tell him you're going on a date. suguru who looks so disturbed at the thought of another man even looking at his pretty girl who isn't really his.

fwb!suguru who takes you to corporate events just so he can call you his girlfriend, even if it's just pretend. when you question him it's always "easier explanation than a friend i fuck on the regular, isn't it?"

fwb!suguru who knows how you like your coffee in the morning. he knows what you like for breakfast, your comfort food, your hobbies, your favourite movies, your least favourite movies, your icks, your past. he knows you like he knows himself. he thinks of you when he passes your favourite cafe, he texts you when he sees something in the colour you like.

fwb!suguru who is sure he hasn't felt this way before, who is so vulnerable with you that it scares the shit out of him.

fwb!suguru who is afraid, angered at everything about you. he's angry at how you lull him into a sense of security, how you hold him, how sweet your voice sounds when you call him by his name, how you take care of him, how you listen to him. he hates how your pussy clenches his dick for dear life, milking it dry and how you never let a drop of his cum go to waste, licking it up like a little slut. he's fearful too. about losing you. about where loving you the way he does leads. loving you? wait. he loves you? fuck. fuck. fuck. this hasn't been according to plan at all.

[slippery-minghus]

secretly wishing and hoping that during her one on one with the manager tomorrow, Toxic Coworker(TM) realizes maybe this is not the job for her.

that, or she has a freakout about it and calls out for the next several days, leading to her getting let go due to too many absences