#the devils lettuce indeed

[tommygotwrittenoff]

confession time!! i cant get high anymore because the last time i did, i started looking at buddie from the perspective of brothers and not lovers, and it scared me so much i cant smoke weed anymore

[konohomies]

save him

[phin-tastic]

coming here to agree, tyler durden would hit both the strawberry shortcake (cake) vape and strawberry shortcake (weed strain) vape

you’re right and u should say it! made this for u anon <3 (i am terrible at editing, bon appétit)

[gallifreyanhotfive]

Random Doctor Who Facts You Might Not Know, Part 65

The TARDIS resents it when the Doctor has to borrow pieces of her mechanical equipment, such as narrow focus coils. The Doctor can feel this resentment and is uncomfortable doing this sort of thing. When he has to, it takes a lot of time and effort to get them back to a comfortable working relationship, during which time the TARDIS is unpredictable. (Novel: Psi-ence Fiction)

"Regeneration Operation" was the Master's name for his scheme to steal the Eighth Doctor's body in the TV Movie. (Short story: The Secret Diary of the Master)

After the Master's alliance with the Sea Devils went to pot, he considered finding the planet of the Clangers with the intention to forge a new alliance with them. (Short story: The Secret Diary of the Master) This means that when Colonel Trenchard told him that the Clangers were puppets for children, the Master did not believe him.

The Sixth Doctor's favorite sandwich is peanut butter, lettuce, and potato chips. (Short story: Timeshare)

Garpol was a businessman who stole buildings to fill his Heritage Center, including the Seventh Doctor's Kent House. He captured the Doctor, Benny, and Ace and forced them to act as a normal family for his exhibit, with the Doctor and Benny as Ace's parents. (Short story: Question Mark Pyjamas)

During this mess, the Seventh Doctor read Ace a bedtime story and hypnotized her to force her to sleep. He and Benny slept in the same bed. The Doctor is not good at sharing a bed at all. He had tossed around for five minutes before standing and pacing around the room while muttering in Gallifreyan. When Benny snapped and told him to come to bed, the Doctor fell into a coma-like sleep. He snored loudly and even sat up straight and shouted "But, Brigadier, the Autons are disguised as traffic cones!" And then he fell back asleep. The Doctor did indeed wear question mark patterned pyjamas. (Short story: Question Mark Pyjamas)

What Garpol was doing - collecting all sorts of houses for his Heritage Collection - is clearly illegal, but the Seventh Doctor said that "Irving" would take care of it. He was, after all, on the Board of Governors for the Braxiatel Heritage Trust. (Short story: Question Mark Pyjamas)

The Fourth Doctor once won an entire planet during a poker match against a Draconian. It was still under his ownership when the Fifth Doctor came around. (Short story: Lonely Days)

The First Doctor worked on collecting gold to make a wedding ring for Susan. (Short story: The Book of Shadows)

In an alternate timeline, Barbara and Ptolemy Lagus married and had a son named Ptolemy Philadelphus. (Short story: The Book of Shadows)

According to the Fifth Doctor, the only things that can manipulate a TARDIS are the Matrix and another TARDIS. His TARDIS has enough safeguards to prevent other TARDISes from affecting them. (Short story: Zeitgeist)

The Eighth Doctor once saved the planet Calabria lived on. Calabria became obsessed by her planet's savior and spent many years tracking him down, eventually finding him on Earth. She made contact with him over the Internet and found that the Doctor was trying to rescue his friend, Charley, from a Nigerian prison. To convince the Doctor that she actually loved him, Calabria sent the Doctor money to bail out Charley, but after she does so, the Doctor left Earth. After this, Calabria would wonder why her emails were going unanswered. (Short story: You Had Me At User Name and Password)

The Delphon find the removal of limbs to be sexually alluring. (Novel: Lucifer Rising)

The Seventh Doctor believes that he condemned untold billions to death by not killing off the Daleks at the moment of their birth when he was in his Fourth incarnation. He also believes he could have saved billions more by shooting Davros down "like a mad dog" when he had had the chance. (Novel: Lucifer Rising)

The Seventh Doctor, Ace, and Benny once held hands, and their bodies fused together. They shared a dreamlike state. This fused being was referred to as "Acedoctorbernice." (Novel: Lucifer Rising)

First 1 Prev 64 Next 66

[captain-willard-1968]

Not Like Us (Shakespeare Version) by Sir Kendrick Lamar of House Duckworth:

(Pls note; this will not rhyme💀)

[Intro]

Psst, I comune with the dead

(Mustard on the beat, ho)

[Verse 1]

Ayy, mustard on the beat, ho

Deebo any poet whelp, ‘tis a free throw

Man down, retrieve an amberlamps, bid them ‘breathe, sir’

Nail a whelp to the cross, indeed, he shalt walk around like Teezo

What is with these foolish whelps attempting to see Compton?

The industry can loathe me, away with them all along with their mothers

How many foes dost thou have? Ist too many options!

Indeed, I am forwarding this body, proclaim me John Stockton

Thrash thy ass and conceal the Bible if the Lord be watching

Often thou must step up and beat whelps

Mandated specter, ‘tis I that ups the score with them

Biting my thumb at him, meanwhile, I know’ist he hast some ho in him

Brandish a blade on him, force shit, mock Death Row on him

Say, Drake, I hear thee likeliest them young

Thou best ne’r go to cell block one

To any wretch that discourses and they art in love,

Thou must hide thy child sister from him

They ‘claim to me that Chubbs ist the only one who retrieves thy hand-me-downs

Along with Party ist at the party picking at his nose now

And Baka hast an odd case

Why art he around?

Mandated Lover Boy? Mandated PAEDOPHILES

Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, Dot, do away with them

Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, ‘tis I who does mine stuff

Why art thou conniving like a whore, aren’t thou aweary?

Attempting to strike a chord, perchance ‘tis A minor

[Chorus]

They art nought like us, they art nought like us, they art nought like us

They art nought like us, they art nought like us, they art nought like us

[Verse 2]

Thou thinkest the San Francisco province ist going to let thee disgrace their knight Sir Pac, whelp?

Methinks that Oakland show shalt be thy last stop, whelp

Thy put a plague on Cole, I know not why thou ist still feigning

What ist the owl? Bird whelps along with bird wretches

The audience be not foolish

Mold the stories however thou want, hark now, Drake, they are not slow

The rabbit hole be still deep, I canst go further, I swear

Is that not something? B-Rad meaning wretch and thou ist Malibu’s most sought after

There is no law, sirrah, thou art a ball sirrah, go and fetch Gatorade or something else

Since 1609 I hast these wretches jumping

Thou whelps shalt get wedges, shalt be flipped over thy trousers

What dost OVO stand for? The “Other Vaginal Option”?

Marry?

Whelps must straighten thy postures, reached fame hood in Compton

Perchance compose this for the title of ‘Doctor’, proclaim unto that pop star stop hiding

Forget a caption, crave action, nay accident

I am hands-on, he fools around, get dispatched

Intercoursed with Wayne’s maiden whilst he were away, ‘tis conniving

Then got face art like a wretch apologizing

Art I happy DeRoz’ is back, ye didst deserve him neither

From Alondra down to Central, thou best not discourse on Serena

And thou brethren must be subpoenaed, that predator moves in flocks

His name must be registered and placed unto village watch

I put pressure on you whelps like another line of Wock’

Aye, all eyes on me, and I am going to deliver it up to Sir Pac, ayy

Force the wrong label on me, indeed, I shalt have it dropped, ayy

Sweet Chin Music and I shan’t deliver the aux, ayy

How many stocks dost I truly have in stock?

One, two, three, four, five, unto five, ayy

The Devil be’ist a lie, he ist the 69 Lord, ayy

Freakish whelps must stay inside, ayy

Roll themselves up like a fresh pack of lettuce, ayy

The city is back up, ‘tis a must, we are outside, ayy

[Chorus]

They art nought like us, they art nought like us, they art nought like us, they art nought like us, they art nought like us, they art nought like us

[Verse 3]

Once upon a time, all of us were in chains

Man still spoke again and proclaimed us slaves

Atlanta, t’were the Mecca, constructing railroads and trains

Hark unto mine words but for a moment, hark unto mine council

The settlers were using townsfolk to make themselves wealthier

Look unto, 1624, thou hast the same plan

Thou flees to Atlanta when thou need’est a shilling balance

Allow me to make it smaller for thy brain, this be the true whelp contest

Thou called upon Future when thou didst see the club

Lil Baby mentored thou on thy language

21 bestowed thee false street cred

Thug made thee feelst like thou hast membership in thy head

Quavo discourses thou may be from Northside

2 Chainz discours’t thou fine, but he proclaimed false

Thou flees to Atlanta when thou need’st more shillings

Nay, thou art not a collague, but a falsifying colonizer

The family matter along with the truth of the matter

‘Twas the Lord’s plan to show ye the wolf upon the flock

[Bridge]

Mm

Mm-mm

He art a fan, he art a fan, he art a fan

He art a fan, he art a fan, he art a

Freakish whelp, he art a 69 Lord

Freakish whelp, he art a 69 Lord

Aye, aye, aye, flee for thy life

Aye, aye, aye, flee for thy life

Freakish whelp, he art a 69 Lord

Freakish whelp, he art a 69 Lord

Aye, aye, aye, flee for thy life

Aye, aye, aye, flee for thy life

Allow me to hear thee ‘claim “OV-ho!” (OV-ho!)

Proclaim “OV-ho!” (OV-ho!)

Afterward, step this way, step that way

Afterward, step this way, step that way

[Outro]

Art thou mine ally?

Art we focused?

Afterward, step this way, step that way

Step this way, step that way

[vannahfanfics]

Fright Night

Word Count: 2,400

Established Relationship, Humor, Pranks

Summary: Robin and Law share a morbid sense of humor, and they use it to terrorize their crewmates. Just a little bit.

“You know, Nico-ya—when you said that you wanted to spice up date night, this isn’t quite what I had in mind,” Law frowned as he scratched at the side of his head. He was looking down at Robin with a mixture of concern and intrigue. 

“I can’t blame you for that, I suppose,” came Robin’s nonchalant reply. “Most people’s ideas of dates don’t involve a disembodied head on a platter.” 

“Yet, here we are, with your disembodied head on a platter.” 

Robin’s body was sitting in the chair at the small side table on which her detached head rested comfortably; it gave Law an airy shrug, then resumed arranging romaine lettuce leaves on a large ceramic serving plate. It was quite a strange feeling, Robin mused, knowing that you were completely disconnected from your body yet able to direct its motions unimpeded. Robin merely felt like the rest of her body was suspended in water, a little weighty and cool but otherwise sensorily intact. 

“Come, now,” Robin hummed mirthfully at her boyfriend, her lipsticked mouth curling up into an impish smirk. “You can’t act all unsure before you ask me what I intend to do with my severed head on a platter.” 

“Pray tell, what do you intend to do with your severed head on a platter?” Law chuckled. 

Knowing Law, Robin surmised that he had thought that she was joking when she’d asked him to sever her head using his Devil Fruit powers. Feeling a little light-hearted himself, he’d probably done it as a joke with all intention of putting it back within a minute or so. He’d probably expected Robin to be wholly unfazed by it, given that they shared the same morbid sense of humor, but he apparently hadn’t expected her to plop her own head on a table and start arranging things like she was going to present it to a meal to somebody. 

Which is exactly what she intended to do. 

“I overheard Sanji say that Usopp missed dinner again because he’s too busy tinkering with something in his workshop,” Robin explained, pausing to let her hand pop an extra piece of lettuce into her mouth. She crunched it between her teeth and swallowed, madly curious to see if it would merely fall out of her throat or would somehow be teleported to the rest of her body. She wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved to find it was the latter. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” she grinned when Law raised an eyebrow at her. “Anyway, Sanji went to prepare something for him, and it will take time, naturally. So I thought that was the perfect recipe for a prank. Don’t you think so, too, Law?” she asked with an alluring flap of her lashes. The coy gesture did little to disguise the downright devilish gleam in her eyes. 

“I think you should leave the cooking to Black Leg-ya,” Law huffed, but his face directly contradicted his words. A Cheshire cat grin stretched wide across his mouth, and his dark eyes had taken on the same devious gleam as Robin’s. “That being said… You’ve already put in so much effort, and the man does hate to waste food. We wouldn’t want to upset your hard-working cook, now, would we?” 

“Indeed not,” Robin purred. She knew that winning over Law would be easy, but she was still incredibly pleased with his compliance. She really had intended for this to be a way to shake up the humdrum of date night, after all. One could only do so many private dinners and cuddle sessions before boredom began to set in. Variety was the spice of life, as the saying went, and Robin was in the mood for something tasty. 

And what could be tastier than scaring the living daylights out of the ship’s resident fraidy-cat? 

“All right, I think that’s enough. It’s time to bring Usopp a special delivery,” Robin smirked wickedly when her body had finished placing the last leaf of lettuce on the plate. 

“It’s a good thing that I’m a doctor,” Law laughed while picking up Robin’s head to gently set it on the plate. “I think I might have to do CPR on him after this prank. I’ve seen you all pull some shit on him, but I think this one takes the cake.” 

As he pulled his hands away, Robin blinked thoughtfully up at him; in the chair, her body mimed as if she was cupping her chin with a hand. Since her chin was a foot away resting against some romaine, of course, it merely cupped empty air. 

“What?” Law asked her. 

“Do you think I should have my body jump out of a cake?” 

“Nico-ya, I’m starting to think that you might actually want to kill Nose-ya,” Law laughed and shook his head at her. 

“Well, even if he does die, you can just resuscitate him,” Robin pointed out, her headless body shrugging casually once again. “Although, I suppose a heart attack isn’t exactly pleasant, and I’ve no real grudge against Usopp. I’ll save that idea for another time, I guess.” Robin willed her body to stand, then to motion at the silver dish cover sitting on the table beside her plattered head. “All right. Let’s hurry, before Sanji gets to him and ruins the joke!” 

“I pity those you do have grudges against,” Law just chuckled and grabbed the dish cover. 

When Law placed it over her head, Robin couldn’t help but quip, “Hey, who turned out the lights?” 

It took several minutes to get down to Usopp’s workshop in the depths of the Thousand Sunny’s hull, for Law had to proceed carefully with Robin’s headless body in tow. Most of the crew were still above decks, most likely, but they didn’t want to risk running into one of them and having to waste time on explanations. They couldn’t use Law’s Room to fast-travel down there, either; in order to do so, he’d have to create one of considerable size, and it might attract the attention of Robin’s crewmates. Both circumstances could result in Sanji completing his cooking and delivering the meal to Usopp, which would not bode well for Robin’s practical joke. Thankfully, they arrived at the door to the workshop having encountered nary a soul. 

“Oi, Nose-ya,” Robin heard her significant other call while rapping his knuckles against the door. “I’m coming in.” While her body hid in the shadows of the hall, Law slipped into the workshop, making sure to shut the door behind him. “You missed dinner, so Black Leg-ya had me bring it to you since I was headed toward the underwater viewing deck.” 

“Aw, man, I totally lost track of time!” Robin heard Usopp whine, presumably from his workbench based on the muffled sound of him hastily pushing things aside. Robin felt the platter shift as Law brought it across the room. 

“Thanks, Law!” Usopp chirped when Law set the platter down. “Funny how as soon as you stop doing something, you realize how hungry you are!” he then laughed, followed by a loud, gurgling growl of his belly. He sounded positively famished, and Robin almost felt bad for playing this little joke on him.

Almost. 

“Now, let’s see what ol’ Sanji’s whipped up this time!” she heard Usopp cackle in anticipation, combined with the sound of him rubbing his hands together. “Come to Papa~”

Robin plastered a big, cheesy grin on her face, and when Usopp removed the lid from the platter, she trilled, “Bon appetit!” 

“AAAIIIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Usopp immediately howled and sprang off his stool like it was suddenly a blazing-hot fire under his rump. He frantically back-pedaled away from Robin’s detached head, and she watched with glee as all the blood drained from his face and his irises shrank into the whites of his eyes. In so doing, he tripped over a loose board and went sprawling out on his back. 

Law hastily scrambled out of the way of his flailing arms, then immediately succumbed to laughter; one hand clutched the workbench, while the other held his stomach as he gasped through his cackling fit. 

Meanwhile, Robin laughed merrily and bid her body to stroll into the room, while ripping another high-pitched scream from the terrified young man. He just watched in a mixture of horror and fascination as her body strolled up to the silver platter and plucked her head from the bed of leaves. His eyes then rolled into the back of his head, and he flopped lifelessly back to the floor. 

“Shah—Shah—Shambles!” Law wheezed while holding out a quivering hand to activate his Devil Fruit. 

Just like that, Robin’s form was now all put together. She experimentally rolled her neck around her shoulders and turned it side-to-side; once satisfied that the reattachment had not gone awry, she smiled and strolled over to the splayed-out Usopp. She crouched down beside him and clicked her tongue; sure enough, he was out cold, his eyes rolled back so she could only see the whites. When she checked his pulse, however, she felt it thrumming strong against her fingertips. No harm, no faul, she decided. 

Just then, Robin and Law heard thundering footsteps approaching. They looked up just in time to see the door burst open. 

“Usopp! Usopp, are you—?!” Sanji shouted, eyes wide with panic and his cigarette clenched tight between his teeth. It took him a second to process the scene, and as he did, his fright slowly morphed into confusion. His gaze flicked from Robin to the silver platter to Law several times in succession before the revelation dawned on his face. 

“Law! What did you do to Usopp?” he demanded, pointing a stern finger at him while using his other hand to hold a bowl of steaming-hot soup high over his head. 

“It was Nico-ya’s idea!” Law shrugged, though his devilish smirk didn’t do much to inspire any notions of his innocence. 

“Oh, we just played a little prank on him,” Robin tutted while fanning Usopp’s face. She smiled as his eyelids began to flutter and color return to his ghastly white face. “I didn’t expect him to faint.” 

Sanji scrunched up his face in a terse frown, caught between wanting to scold her and being totally unable to. So, he just stood there in stiff silence as Usopp slowly came to, moaning and groaning. 

“Ah… Robin… Your head…” he whined as he looked up at her through hazy, unfocused eyes. “Hey… It’s… It’s attached!” The sight of her totally not-headless body had him rapidly ascending into consciousness; he sat bolt upright with a gasp, looking between her, Law, and the platter with a series of confused noises. “But—But I—you—your head—the platter—Wuh?” He suddenly stopped to fix his bewildered stare on Law, and it, too, dawned on him. 

“You guys! That was totally not cool!” he cried while throwing his hands into his curly black hair. “Taking advantage of my hunger—way to hit below the belt, Robin!” 

“Sorry,” Robin apologized, though she only half-meant it. “If it makes it any better, Sanji’s here with a real plate of food for you.” 

Usopp crossed his legs underneath him and looked up at the cook as he walked over. Sanji bent down to hand Usopp the plate, and the inventor took it with a grateful sigh. He then grimaced and swirled the spoon around the broth several times, scrutinizing it. 

“You’re not in on this, are you, Sanji? No eyeballs, fingers, or creepy-crawlies?” Usopp asked with a suspicious frown up at the blond. 

“Nope. Soup is totally safe, Usopp,” Sanji reassured him with a weary smile. “Jeez… I’m glad you didn’t kill him, you two. I’d’ve been pissed if that soup had gone to waste.” 

“Oh, thanks,” Usopp huffed around a mouthful of soup and rolled his eyes. “Be pissed about the soup, not about the fact that I died. Really feeling the love here, guys.” 

“Oh, come now. I only pranked you because I knew you’d have such a delightful reaction,” Robin giggled. When Usopp frowned dourly at her, she reached up to pat him on the head. “I’m joking. You’re a good sport, Usopp; you know how to laugh at yourself. Come on—it was pretty funny, wasn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” Usopp agreed with a little snicker. “I gotta admit, that was pretty good. I can’t believe I haven’t thought of using Law’s Devil Fruit powers to pull a prank like that.” He stopped in the middle of spooning more soup into his mouth, and Robin purred excitedly at the devious gleam that alit his eyes. “Wait… What if we took off my arm and used it to prank Chopper?! Or my leg? Heck, my head, even!” 

“Nope. Not gonna be a part of this. Not listening,” Sanji quipped and strode right out of the door, hands over his ears. 

“Hold on, hold on—let me just finish this and we’ll think of something real good!” Usopp cackled maniacally and started shoveling soup into his mouth with gusto. 

Robin left him to it, rising to her feet and strolling languidly over to Law. As she leaned against the workbench beside him, he frowned at her. 

“Okay, Nose-ya coming in to third-wheel is definitely not what I had in mind.” 

“Oh, don’t even,” Robin chortled and gave him a knowing smirk. “I know that you’re dying to scare the pants off of Chopper.” 

Law could only hold his stern glare for a second before it morphed into a wolfish grin. 

“... I’d wonder if that makes me a bad person, except, I really don’t care,” he snickered devilishly and rubbed his tattooed hands together. “Oi, Nose-ya! What about sticking your arms in Nami’s tangerine trees and getting her, too?” 

“Yes!” Usopp agreed animatedly. “Although, we should save her for last. Nami might actually kill us. I want to prank everybody else before I’m brutally slaughtered like a helpless prey animal.” 

“Don’t worry, Usopp, I’ll protect you,” Robin chuckled. 

Yes, this was shaping up to be a rather interesting date night indeed. Oh, Robin was so glad that she found someone who shared her morbid sense of humor. The Thousand Sunny could do with a little excitement here and there, after all. They were just good little shipmates doing their part to keep things lively! 

“Fufufu…”

Did you enjoy this oneshot? Consider requesting from me by visiting my rules, then either commenting on this story, submitting an ask, or contacting me via DM! 

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: Smoke Gets In

“You’ll have to show me,” Aziraphale said. “I’ve never done it before. I mean—I know the principle, of course, but given the life I lead, it never really comes into—” “Aziraphale,” said Crowley patiently. “It’s very simple. You’ve smoked a cigarette. It’s the exact same process.”

Length: 4,958 words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Best for: After Dark, Pick-Me-Up

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by songlin

*Minor Spoilers* You have to know the overwhelming joy and love I feel when I discover that authors I loved during the Sherlock days have written Good Omens fic. It genuinely to me feels like coming home. So a reminder to all fic writers, your works will be remembered so fondly by so many even if it's been twelve years (!!!!!) after they've read it.

Crowley has tempted Aziraphale to a night of smoking the Devil's Lettuce. I loved the relationship to drugs they both have, of course they've tried them all! Why not! For most of their existence these substances haven't been criminalized. It's a great lighthearted scene that made me smile and want to smoke and eat Sushi with Aziraphale. Dream blunt rotation <3

What this writer has always done well is making smut fun. It can be hot and filthy, but also playful and joyful. There is so much love here! "Crowley is the All-Time Muff-Diving Champion" indeed! Also, as a broader praise for the Good Omens fandom, I am obsessed with how everyone plays with gender/efforts. There is so much variety and I am so thankful we can get any combination and it always works. It's honestly one of my favorite parts of our fandom.

Read it here, fic by songlin

[shotmrmiller]

Not a drunk story but there was this one time I had taken a little to much 🍃🍃🍃 (ifykyk) and let's just say I was glued to my bed for a solid like 5 or 6 hours because I could not move. I couldn't even sleep it off because every time I closed my eyes I felt like I was falling and would jerk awake . AND even though I was not moving a muscle I felt like I had the worse motion sickness and had to force myself to go into the bathroom just in case I threw up which was not fun. Let's just say it was a wild trip and I learned my lesson and my limit 😭

the devils lettuce indeed. sure that wasn't laced with nun like that shit don't sound right lmfao

[cokowiii]

My turn!! I assume... that you're actually really quiet and that before this blog you had many that you wanted to choose and that you wanted to feel professional from but stuck with this because you had the most fun with it, and that you never had weed.

have a bubble tea 🧋

Kindaaa true. I was on tumblr way back in like 2012-15 then stopped before joining again this year with a fresh new acc.

I’ve indeed done the devils lettuce too :)

[aziraphales-library]

Hi gang! thanks for all you do!! i was wondering if you had any fics involving Aziraphale and crowley using marijuana?

Hello! We have some recreational drug use fics here so do check those out. Here are some fics featuring marijuana use...

Hypotheticals indeed by Enven (M)

“What!?” There was a particular mixture of fascination and incredulity to that question.

“Well, yes. I don’t exactly understand why you’re acting so surprised.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’m just having a hard time wrapping my mind around the thought that at some point in history it was possible to see you high, and I completely missed that opportunity.” The demon pouted.

or: They're smoking weed together. There's nothing more to it.

An Angel Tempted Into The Devils Lettuce by CielsMilknHoney (NR)

While Aziraphale was organizing the bookshop, he found himself feeling a bit overwhelmed. With the luck of the devil Crowley seems to have the proper remedy.

Herb Angel by IneffableMcMuffin (T)

CW: recreational marijuana use in a state where it is not yet legal, chronic pain, vague references to unhappy upbringing, using Angel like an actual name for Aziraphale (the most grievous crime)

Another meet-ugly! It's hard to walk the line on these because anything can be a little cute, and "ugly" here really just means "a bit awkward to tell friends and family". I got way too into this one and it turned out super long (for what I'm going for with these) but I am trying to actually keep these as one-shots so I resisted the urge to beef it up any more than it already has been. Please enjoy, and let me know any other ideas y'all want to see for awkward first meets!

Edit:

JUST KIDDING. I couldn't resist fleshing this out so I've changed the name of this because it will now be part one of the High as Heaven series! New chapters on Sundays.

the aftershocks of immortality (and how to stay human despite it all) by Kierkegarden (T)

“It’s not a bad gig, I suppose, wickedest man in the world. Keeps me human.” “But you’re not human.” “And you’re not British.” Aziraphale couldn’t argue with that, although many times he’d found himself wishing he was both. Crowley nudged him with his pipe hand. “Fancy a smoke?”

or 5 times Aziraphale gave in to temptation + the 1 time that it stuck.

High on You (and the Devil's Lettuce) by Sidney_Quinn (M)

“Aziraphale,” Crowley began, squinting and pulling back to observe at a better angle. “Are you high?”

The angel hummed pleasantly, with that silly little smile that suggested he was thinking about something sweet and overly indulgent like crepes. Realizing that Crowley was expecting an answer, he responded, “Oh, hello.”

- Mod D

[apprenticestanheight]

Cal!!

Hey Cal!!

I uh, do believe I missed something two days ago!!

And if I marked it correctly..

I'm so happy to have you as a mutual!! You're always so sweet and kind!! I hope this year is so much better than last year, and it just keeps getting better every day! 💜

If it is indeed not a missed birthday lol and I marked it wrong... (and even a wish for today lol)

hi!! I'm answering this like,, three or four days later bc the wifi has been a MESS on my laptop and I've temporarily connected my laptop to my cells data hotspot, but anyway, THANK YOU!!

My birthday was this past monday and it was a surprisingly decent day--indulged in the devils lettuce for the first time and ate chicken wings while I watched The Princess Bride, and I didn't have to spend it relatively alone bc a snowstorm lead to both of my parents work being cancelled!! All in all, it was pretty much everything that the stoner-to-be in me wished for and because I could spend it as I chose I had a very good time lol

how've you been lately? It's been a while since I reached out!

[glassautomaton]

A less serious ask this time, more goofy.

Me and a couple of friends we're discussing what Iris would be like when she's high, and we kinda agreed she gets super giggly and then super stone faced, random spurts of crying and she refuses to explain why. (Maybe because she doesn't want to, maybe because she can't really explain why she's crying either.)

We've also agreed that Jackie is her handler and probably has to carry her between her arm and armpit to keep her from doing anything stupid. That or over her shoulder, or bridal style if she's feeling brave, point is, she's being carried around. LOL

Anyway, what do you think Iris is like when she's high?

We've also agreed that she would try and drink the bong water. 👍

Iris would indeed drink the bong water while Anne watched in disbelief, unable to bring herself to move looking at the funniest person she's ever met in her entire life.

She'd take the fattest fucking rip you've ever seen just because she isn't sure how anything works and end up wrecking her lungs. This would, of course, only come after Anne assures her that you can't overdose on the devil's lettuce and Jackie, with her actual biology degree, backs this up.

Iris is sort of a lightweight as well, so she'd probably just end up laying around in a place she decides is "well-defended" (whatever that means) and eat a slow, steady stream of pita chips or something along those lines. She'd get in her feelings a bunch but refuse to tell anyone what she's actually sad about until someone decides to put on a movie or something to placate her. She would then feel very vaguely lonely and longing but she wouldn't actually understand that because she hates people getting close to her so obviously she wouldn't be wanting that.

In short, moody yet subdued, and slightly hungry and nauseous. Drunk Iris is a different beast, however, and one I've actually considered writing in some capacity down the line. She'd complain about a headache, enter a goldilocks zone where she's really giggly and affectionate, then quickly exit that stage and begin vomiting violently. Once she wakes up the following morning she demands that all physical evidence of the night before be destroyed and all parties involved sign binding NDAs.

I've acutally got a bit of a scene from this on my phone somewhere, as when I'm in bed and need to type something down before I forget I just do it on my phone rather than my sandbox, the latter of which is technically public. I've got dialogue between Iris and Anne that could kill a fully-grown elephant on there.

[sucker-just]

Well, he's set up a "drug metaphor" for each kind of art. The kind of art he hates is like weed, a drug that makes you chill (barring certain reactions, I know people for whom it makes Very Unchill Indeed) and probably also eat (this will make sense hopefully).

Bulletproof coffee is a coffee product named after the company that developed it, also a generic name within the circles that drink it for any coffee with butter in it (and also sometimes an additional and much fancier fat source). It's considered a health food around ketogenic dieting circles. Keto is a diet that, by aggressively limiting carbs, forces your body to burn fats as its primary energy source. It was invented to help with some types of otherwise hard to treat epilepsy, the brain usually uses carbohydrates as its primary energy source, so moving to fat messes with its metabolism enough that it can help reduce seizure activity, in exchange for an incredibly restrictive diet. Then people realised that the people on this diet tended to lose weight (because they're on a diet where things like beans, nuts, lettuce, basically anything from a plant is a luxury to be weighed and regarded with some suspicion and that really puts the kibosh on most enjoyable or spontaneous food experiences, and also doing it long term might fuck with your satiety cues) so it became a massive thing around the turn of the fat is okay actually sugar is the devil movement. It's popular especially around alpha masculinity praising dickhead circles because of a bunch of sociocultural factors, like how the "safest" foods are animal products because plants make carbohydrates and animals don't really, they feel it's more alpha because something something no rabbit food hunting is so primal, and because the right wing is obsessed with diet culture in general. There's a lot to unpack there and people who've done it a lot better than me, so moving on.

Bulletproof coffee is known to be quite the pick me up if you're not having carbs for breakfast and are otherwise starving, just use the packet product or melt butter (milk has too many carbs to waste, plus you've gotta try to get calories in any way you can, just rolling up balls of butter with artificial sweetener and eating them straight is also common) in to a cup using hot water, add the fat supplement and the coffee powder and you'll be able to go to work just fine, despite a large energy deficit and some fun metabolic stresses. He believes art should have similar properties to this, in contrast to weed which he considers the inverse and therefore undesirable experience. He wants art to get you to work and energize (specifically in a way that upholds a bunch of his social values) and not chill the fuck out and maybe not partake in those values.

It's still stupid and a little esoteric, but also expresses something really shitty.

Tag yourself as this list of “bad art” features, according to a twitter fascist

[theredcuyo]

Few skephalo stuff

1 From a song

Bad to the egg: I didn't wanted to love you, and you taught me to hate you!

Bad, thinking on skeppy on the lava:... All the kisses I ever imagined...

Skeppy, in the island: Go back to where I watch them grow...

_

This literally comes from a song! Is the literal translation of "Saturno" a Spanish song! The whole song kinda fits but I'm not in time to write the whole thing

But I may do an animatic or comic out of it! Feel free to use it anyways

2 Divorce

Skeppy:/Sends a photo of food

Bad: Oh, that looks tasty!

Where are u?

Skeppy: I'm hanging out with velvet and vurb, at velvet's house

Bad: I was literally so close, I was helping Ant, why didn't you invite me?!

Skeppy: Why should I do that

Bad:...

Divorce!

_

This is based of something that literally happened with my parents and couldn't help but do it

3 Bad's a Demon

Bad is indeed, a demon, or maybe even the "god" of the demons?, who knows, whoever, he's definitely not human and his lack of knowledge in human stuff seems to prove it pretty well even if he tries to deny it, the man doesn't even know how to use a radio!

Bad is not really dumb tho, he just thinks like a demon, and demons intelligence is directed towards being mischievous and tricksters, it is towards evilness, and Bad, wanting to be actually kind, ends up being the kindest of the demons, but a questionable kind person for everyone else

Also, demons don't need technology, they have magic, why would they want to build complex systems when they can easily do anything with their powers?

_

This came from Bad's latest stream, yeah, I'm taking about the lore stream of foolish being an alien, because obviously a cat that takes devil lettuce and a demon married to a diamond block can tell who's not a human

[yooniesim]

Hi! I know all your messages are about paywalls rn lol but I was wondering what’s the most fun you’ve had playing the sims? Right now I’m playing as a teen that went to school and fell in love with jeb from eco lifestyle, she got pregnant but they were both happy about it and had twin girls. They got married at prom while she was pregnant and now they’ve moved into their own place after jeb surprised her by taking out a loan since my sim and her mum hate each other. Jeb dropped out of school to support his family but couldn’t make enough money to support them and pay back the loan so he left in the middle of the night to the werewolves world where he was hoping to find work but ended up in a fight with Greg and is now a werewolf 😂 it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time although I’m obsessively saving my game since I keep getting the unable to save bug!

oh my god. I'm invested in this story now anon 😭 I need to know what happens next! Does Jeb ever come back to his family and support them??? Does your sim find a new partner instead? The drama!!! 😩

For me, I haven't played the sims legit in a while. But I used to play a legacy, and my gen 2 was wild lol. Starring Rabbitfriend "Bunny" Woodruff who was a famous comedian, married Dirk Dreamer, grew much of the devil's lettuce (the paparazzi often took pics of her backyard lol) and raised three kids. Also had a crazy housewives sex club. Lmfao. She's indeed an icon, in gen 3 her kids are living with their grandparents and I can only imagine what her and Dirk must be getting up to 🤣

[murmuur-vanilja]

Fictober 2022.4 — You spoke words I do not understand, but I figured out they were cruel

Prompt number 4: "How would that even work?" Original fiction: My Servant, the Devil Rating: T Warnings: abuse, violence

“Petty, useless, pathetic and weak attention whore. Do you even understand what it means to be raised in our family? Do you have any idea of what the feeble feathers ornamenting your bitchless hair represent?” I buried my head in a pillow as the cruel words that had been spoken during the day resurfaced at night. I had changed into my pink pyjamas and removed my nail varnish on my own already, and I was ready to sleep, but the sentences were tormenting me. Could it be another sleepless night? I didn’t know which I minded the most: the insomnias or the nightmares? I wanted to cry. I really wanted to, but if I did, she would hear me and come into this room, and who knew what would happen next? Instead, I stuffed part of my pillow in my mouth. It took some time, but I had eventually learnt to do it the way that would block my cries without having me choke too much. To tell the truth, I simply didn’t understand. I thought I had done gone that day. I had woken up early, I had practised the violin, then I had practised the piano. I had read a few books, I had sewn a plushie, I had trained in chess. I admit I had taken a break in the early afternoon to cloud gaze by my window, but it had been following my meal — three pieces of lettuce, two cherry tomatoes and one nut, that I had arranged myself in a shape I had believed to be cute. Looking back on it, had that been my mistake? Spending time on a futile decoration?

I thought I had done good, and once I was done admiring the tiny clouds high up in the sky, I had tried to write a poem to the person I loved the most in all Wêmà. I knew every piece of literature already existed in this world, and that it would be impossible for me to achieve something original. Still, I wanted to believe. I wanted to pour down the contents of my heart and to be praised for it. Yet, as soon as I rushed down the stairs in a good mood and slapped the piece of paper on the table in front of her, I felt a sharp pain running through my cheek. Mommy called me an “attention whore”. I didn’t know what that meant. It didn’t sound good. Mommy knows best She is the prettiest I don’t think she even read past the two first lines. Maybe I should’ve spent more time picking up my words. In retrospect, they were petty, useless, pathetic and weak, indeed. I wasn’t a good writer, but I was truly trying my best to convey my feelings. She had crushed the paper without any hint of empathy for her kid. Those weren’t the only words she had spoken to be during that confrontation. Once the poem was destroyed, her eyes had met my face again. She had softly stroked my bleeding cheek and covered the scratch with my own hair, to save some of my dignity. Then, she had gently kissed my forehead. “Please don’t shed a single tear, you are by far the most beautiful child to have ever walked this land.” Although I truly loved and trusted mommy, there were times when I found her to be confusing. Every relationship had its struggles and hardships, but there were times when I wondered if I was worthy of love. I was flawed, after all. I didn’t know whether she was, too. That night was such a night, a night of uncertainty. I released the pillow and sighed. It was a deep sigh, filled with unspoken emotions I didn’t understand. The urge to cry was gone, but I wasn’t relieved. In fact, I felt even heavier than before. I quietly rose from my bed and approached the window again. It was night, and the specific light setting made it so that I was seeing my reflection more easily than I was seeing outside. I lifted a lock of hair and stared and the sharp, straight cut. “I am the most beautiful child, but you casually ruin my beauty every so often. It’s okay, because it can be hidden. I’m scared, mommy. I’m scared that it won’t be hidden any more someday. How would that even work? I’m scared no one will love me.” Without thinking about it, I had spoken out loud. This cued footsteps. Mommy was coming for me, because she now knew I was awake past my bedtime. I froze as I was staring at the door’s reflection on the window. The distance, the small distance, that was separating the two of us by that time felt like an eternity. In that short yet never-ending moment, two feelings could overlap. I loved you, mommy. But I also hated you more than anything else.