#the deadpool and wolverine sitcom that lives in my head

[buckybarnesss]

wade calling logan baby girl as a term of endearment and logan being one perfectly fine with it and two being into it is canon to me

[kentochronicles]

***SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 5 OF WANDAVISION***

HOLY SHITE MY MIND IS BLOWN

TOMMY AND BILLY CRYING

“Do you want me to take that again?” “Take it from the top?”

Agnes knows ! Tiger - Ralph

“Dark liquor” Vision being concerned

Billy and Tommy aged up?!

I DO NOT TRUST HAYWARD

SCARLET WITCH - TALKING ABOUT HOW WANDA DOESN’T HAVE A CODENAME

SIS STRAIGHT UP TOOK VISIONS CORPSE

HEX — HER POWERS GET REFERRED TO AS HEX POWERS SOMETIMES IN THE COMICS

CAPTAIN MARVEL REFERENCE

NORM SAYING NONE OF IT IS REAL

SPARKY THE DOG - VISION HAD A STAND ALONE AND STOLE A DOG

HER ACCENT

LAGOS

SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW ANY OF THIS STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE

EVAN PETERS AS QUICKSILVER

DARCY GOING “SHE RECAST PIETRO?” MOOOD

X-MEN, START TO THE MULTIVERSE?!

WANDA CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE CONTROLLING IT

IS MONICA MAD AT CAROL???

MONICA X DARCY?! WHAT A POWER COUPLE THAT WOULD BE

SIS REALLY ENDGAME - ENDGAME ENDED WITH TONY’S FUNERAL AND WANDA PROBS WENT STRAIGHT FROM THERE AND STOLE HER DEAD BF’S CORPSE (can’t really blame her, it looked like they were trying to experiment on Vis and could it be Hayward behind it?)

WHO WAS THAT ENGINEER THAT MONICA WAS GOING TO CONTACT?

BABY VISION

AND AGNES DEFINITELY KNOWS SOMETHING

DARCY FINALLY GOT HER COFFEE

SO VIS SAID THAT WANDA COULD’VE MADE EVERYTHING SUBCONSCIOUSLY AND THAT OVER TIME SHE BECAME AWARE OF IT, AND SIS DEFO HAS SOME CONTROL BUT IT’S NOT ALL HER. I THINK AGNES IS AGATHA HARKNESS AND EITHER MEPHISTO IS BEHIND IT OR IT’S NIGHTMARE AND THEY’VE MAYBE POWERED UP NIGHTMARE

***FURTHER UPDATES AND EASTER EGGS***

Auntie Agnes and Agnes saying she has a few tricks up her sleeve - we should definitely take note of that seeing as Agnes definitely has something to do with the whole situation

Wanda and Vision’s house changed again, being inspired by Family Ties, possibly Full House and Growing Pains

“Do you want me to take it from the top?” It seems as though when someone, this time Vision, steers away from the script, things either reset themselves or people become aware to some capacity, although Agnes probably already knows

Speaking of Growing Pains - It had a spin off called “Just the 10 of Us” in which the director for Wandavision, Matt Shakman, was apart of the cast - and seemingly also inspired the theme song for this week

We should definitely keep an eye on Monica and her potential for powers. With Maria last episode revealed to have gone by the name ‘Photon’ (which is a name that Monica uses as one of her aliases in the comics) and could inspire Monica’s name as she develops her powers - those scans didn’t look 100% normal. Monica has also used the Captain Marvel monicker in the comics

Wanda’s energy field and such being referred to as “Hex” short for Hexagon, could be a little nod to the comics where Wanda’s powers are sometimes called Hex powers

She’s never been referred to as the Scarlet Witch on the big screen - and it seems as though she soon may earn that code name

So we now know that Wanda stole Vision’s corpse from S.W.O.R.D, but did she actually re animate him fully? He’s still got the gem in the centre of his forehead, but the last time he had it was in Infinity War where it promptly got ripped out by Thanos - so has Wanda found her own way of reanimating him and he’s alive or is he dead and just a trick of the mind - though from other trailers/previews, Vis is seen trying to and looks successful at leaving Wanda’s barrier

They had a little call back to Captain America: Civil War with the Sokovia Accords, which were targeting the Avengers in general but were created when Wanda lost control of her powers and killed civilians

A little joke towards Vis as playing “Father Knows Best” in their little suburbia - Which was a sitcom that ran for 200 episodes in the 50’s

Sparky ! A little nod to the little green dog from the Walta and King comics run for Vision and unfortunately soon meets the same fate 💔

A little nod to Endgame when we hear from Monica that Wanda definitely could’ve taken down Thanos by herself had Thanos not rained fire - and Jimmy arguing that Captain Marvel could’ve just as easily done it - which leaves Monica with an angry look on her face

Good ol’ dial up internet

Can Vis “save” the residents of Westview? He can still seemingly interact with people’s minds, with or without the mind stone - Norm soon comes out of his trance as Vis snaps him out of it and asks to call his sister and that he has to save them all from “her” - now this “her” could be Wanda...but it could also be Agnes and then Vis shuts him down soon enough again and Norm goes back to his sit com self

Billy and Tommy are fully aware, or at least suspect Wanda’s abilities - after asking her to bring back Sparky from the dead and speaking of Billy and Tommy - could they be semi permanent fixtures in the MCU, it would help to introduce the Young Avengers eventually. They'll do Young Avengers at some point since Kang is supposed to be a thing in the third Ant-Man.

Teddy, unfortunately, I don't think will be here for a bit (I really hope he is though!). I think the guy they hired that everyone is rumoring to be Teddy might just be an episode about Billy coming to terms with his sexuality and Wanda and Vis learning to accept it in the way that era of tv they're in would go about with that kind of episode and the dude is just a dude - but again, I really hope it’s Teddy 😭

Wanda leaves the hex after a mini missile/plane tries to shoot at her - and she’s in her Scarlet Witch costume and is seemingly mostly back to her “normal self”, which includes her accent !

Lagos brand paper towels - “For when you make a mess you didn’t mean to” - a nod to Civil War again in which Wanda accidentally blew up a building in Lagos and caused the Sokovian accords to come to fruition

The mail man again - I also think he was in the commercial but anywho - “Your mom won’t let him go far” similar to “Much like she won’t let anyone leave” a potential nod to Wanda or Agnes not letting anyone leave?

“We can’t reverse death” and yet she brought Vision back - keeping in mind that he’s an android but still a little foreshadow to what happened at the end of the ep? Better yet, could Pietro coming back be a distraction for Wanda? Agnes or whoever introducing someone that Wanda lives in hopes that she won’t go full on breakdown superpowers or just to give her an attachment to Westview even more and make her not want to leave at all

“She recasted Pietro” EVAN ! I’m so pumped for this - it seems this could turn into the X-Men making their debut earlier than expected possibly? In any case, it’s a nice little Easter Egg to the previous Fox franchise of X-Men movies where Evan played Peter Maximoff “Quicksilver” alongside James McAvoy as Prof X, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and so many others - and with Deadpool being confirmed as Disney’s first R rated film, it seems Mutants are definitely on their way to the MCU

Agnes is definitely Agatha or a gender bent Nightmare

The way Billy shed himself and Tommy up was scary - definitely a little nod to his powers coming in

Multiple different perspectives of Wanda saying that Monica left

Red Hex dialled up to around light sources (computer, window, etc.)

Vision mentions reading Charles Darwin’s The Descent of Man - which could refer to Mutants entering the MCU, Mutants being superior to humans

Agnes calls herself Auntie Agnes - in episode 2 during the title sequence in the grocery store there’s a product called ‘Auntie A’s Kitty Litter’

Agnes refers to herself as a Tiger and in the episode, there’s a Tiger on the dining table in the kitchen - could that be a listening device, her eyes and ears?

There are no other children in Westview - Billy and Tommy are immune because they have no prior trauma

Elizabeth Olsen’s photos are real and slightly altered with Sokovian flags in the background

In the birthday shot of Billy and Tommy, they have ‘1,2,3,4,5’ candles all on one cake

In the holiday photos, Vision goes from Turkey to Easter Bunny, to Santa and progressively gets more unhappy - realising he no longer wants to play along in Wanda’s Hex

During Monica’s callbacks to seeing Wanda’s pain inside her head, we see a new shot of Wanda crying - it looks like it’s around the time she stole Vision’s corpse, as the outfit she’s wearing is very similar, if not the same - could this be an after shot of when she’s trying to bring Vision back?

During the scene where we see the footage of Wanda stealing Vision’s corpse, the S.W.O.R.D logo that appears on the table has 8 stars around the rim of the logo but then has a 9th one in the middle - could this be a little Easter Egg to the nine realms of the Cosmos? And there’s also a map showing Cape Canaveral, could that be where S.W.O.R.D’s headquarters are?

Wanda and Pietro were born in 1989 to Irina and Oleg Maximoff - who were killed in an air raid when the twins were 10. In the comics, Wanda and Pietro were raised by Django and Maria Maximoff, before their true parentage was revealed as being the children of Magneto, however, in the comics this has been retconned so that Wanda and Pietro are no longer Mutants and the High Evolutionary had just disguised them as Mutants (something I think they should undo tbh - MARVEL, PLEASE MAKE WANDA AND PIETRO MUTANTS AGAIN!!!)

Speaking of the air raid, that was also referenced in Age of Ultron by Pietro and Wanda - “We were 10 years old, having dinner the four of us. And the first shell hits 2 floors below, makes a hole in the floor” - was the beeping Stark toaster be what that was referring to?

WHIH reappears for a brief cameo as the news service in the MCU - and Hayward cuts off Jimmy as he was trying to defend Wanda’s reputation, in which Jimmy then turns to Darcy and says “I try not to speak ill of people” Darcy then follows up with “Then allow me, Hayward’s a-“ and then she’s cut off by a shot back to Hayward saying the word “Terrorist” which would make sense as it seems with Vision’s corpse, he may have been trying to make sentient weapons and by subverting Vision’s will and blaming Wanda of doing the same. In the footage shown of Wanda stealing Vision’s remains, we see Vision broken up into parts and S.W.O.R.D seems to be experimenting on him and this seems to be the robotics/nanotech project that Hayward was referring to. Monica asks Hayward about the footage saying “When was this?” to which Hayward replies saying “9 days ago. Maximoff stormed our facility, stole Vision’s body and resurrected him” - this would mean that Wanda took Vision 2 weeks after the events of Endgame, about a week before Monica returned to S.W.O.R.D and Hayward didn’t tell her any of this and when he sent her in there, he knew exactly what he was doing - with her reputation after Civil War, this makes it easier for Hayward to paint her as the villain.

Back in Westview, Tommy wears red and Billy wears green - which are the colours that Wiccan and Speed wear in the comics, respectively. And it’s also the colours that Wanda and Vision are known for and appears quite a lot in their wardrobes

More in regards to Sparky, he was the synthezoid dog in Tom King’s run of Vision - the story being that he was originally a dog named Zeke who unfortunately passed away after digging up the Grim Reaper’s corpse and getting zapped. The Grim Reaper’s helmet appears during the title sequence of Episode 2 in the floorboards. Could Sparky have been trying to dig up a similar thing when he was caught by Agnes and consequently killed?

Monica mentions that she knows this aerospace engineer, they’re never shown but she is seen texting them. Could it be Reed Richards a.k.a Mr Fantastic? Hayward did mention that some astronauts used to work for S.W.O.R.D before a mission went haywire - though it seems a bit lacklustre to introduce such highly anticipated characters this way. Could it instead be the Skrull daughter of Talos that Monica befriended at the end of Captain Marvel? She mentioned that they had extraterrestrial allies in episode 4 working with her and Fury as apart of S.W.O.R.D - in the Spanish subtitles they use the feminine articles for this engineer - so I think it’s more likely to be Talos’s daughter

The board that we saw in Episode 4 now includes the mailman, drivers license and all - could he be Jimmy’s missing witness?

The tension in the room after Jimmy references Carol is similarly seen when in Spider-Man: Far From Home, where Peter asks Skrull Fury/Talos “How about Captain Marvel?” To which Talos replies “Don’t involve her name”. Fury, Monica and Talos were all on the side of the Skrulls by then end of Captain Marvel and the space station that Fury was on maybe apart of S.W.O.R.D. So did Carol betray them?

A slight reference to Captain America: The First Avenger is made when Monica pulls a Peggy Carter and shoots at something to see if it’s bulletproof, in Peggy’s case it was the iconic Captain America shield and in the case of Monica, it was her clothes that she was wearing after Wanda threw her out of the Hex

Abilash (Norm) never states that Wanda is the one that Vision has to save them from, it’s just “her” - could this instead be Agnes?

When Billy is training Sparky to sit, he puts the treat by his ear up to his temple - a future reference that Billy will one day share the same powers as his mum?

During the scene in which Wanda leaves the Hex briefly, she turns the guns onto Hayward but none are trained on Monica - she may still trust Monica slightly, whereas with Hayward, she slightly more pissed off because of what he was doing to Vision’s remains. And turning a bunch of guns on the people you don’t trust? Like father, like daughter as Magneto pulls a similar move in one of the X-Men films - Hopefully, the big cameo they keep teasing will be Ian McKellan as Magneto or the Magnus of this House of M adaptation

During when Agnes “found” Sparky, she says he died from eating too many leaves from her plants - in the Tom King Vision run, one of Vision’s kids ends up killing Sparky and sees inside his stomach that there’s a plant that Agatha Harkness grows in her garden

All the names that appear during the credits that Wanda tries to run to end the show and to stop Vision from talking are names of people who work on the actual Wandavision show itself

When Evan Peter’s version of Quicksilver shows up, he says “Does a long lost bro get to squeeze his sister to death or what?” I DO NOT TRUST THIS PIETRO - Similar to Wandavision, the Fox X-Men movies moved up decade by decade - First Class was in the 1960s, Days of Future Past was in the 1970s, Apocalypse was in the 1980s and Dark Phoenix was in the 1990’s - which would make even more sense as MCU! Pietro wasn’t born until 1989, whereas Peter was active during the 1980s. I reckon that this Pietro is Jimmy’s missing witness, Agnes’s husband Ralph and is disguising itself as a comforting presence to Wanda as Vision no longer brings comfort and is trying to bring Wanda back to reality - and when he shows up, the mirror in the background behind Wanda is slightly distorted but his hand looks red and in the shot as well, there seems to be a grey arm reaching towards Pietro - in the shot itself behind and in front of Wanda, there’s nothing there but in the mirror, there is! Either way, I do not trust this Pietro and it’s just an entity trying to give Wanda the last thing that could make her happy - but it won’t last, as everything is already breaking down around her.

I seriously seriously love this show so much 💙

[putris-et-mulier]

Deadpool & Rogue are going to be the next "it" couple

Since the beginning of Uncanny Avengers people speculated that Deadpool and Rogue were going to fall in love and so far they've just become good friends but now is a pretty good opportunity to turn that into a romantic relationship.

I've never made it is secret that I love Rogue and that when she isn't with Gambit my heart is broken. Unless it's bad writing I'm okay with seeing them get together with other people because they have an open relationship and if anyone could do polyamory, they could.

So Uncanny Avengers begins and I'm very suspicious of Rogue being on a team with Deadpool because they didn't seem like a good combination. They can certainly relate, they have a lot of common trauma and similar issues but Deadpool relies on humor to deal with it and Rogue doesn't laugh much, she shoves all her pain down and uses it to fuel her determination while fighting on the front lines and she's always fighting on the front lines.

Another thing I wondered about was Rogue being the team leader. Rogue isn't exactly a leader. Storm is a natural leader, she can handle the burden of being a huge population's only hope, she can command an audience of militants, and there's just something about her that demands respect and loyalty. 

Rogue just really likes getting in and getting the job done, politics is not her thing.

And she works really well when someone like Storm is calling the shots

Awesome.

and Rogue hates the Avengers. She likes individuals that are and have been members but she was one of the very first mutants to ever fight them and she has lived through every one of their attempts to aid the genocide of mutants

but Deadpool is super excited!

Rogue and Deadpool have never really met but they have run into each other in passing so Rogue does what everyone does and judges Deadpool on his reputation. Meanwhile, she secretly has been poisoned with the Terrigen Mist so her body is slowly becoming deformed while she slowly dies from a terminal disease

That's something Deadpool has lots of experience with so you know from the get go that they are going to at least commiserate

Like I said, Rogue works well as a tank or free agent but she has hard time leading. On their very first mission everyone but Deadpool ignored her orders and went off to do their own thing.

Deadpool seems to be one of the few people who understood and cared that Rogue being leader or even on the Avengers at all came with a lot of subsequent dangers because of racism

Deadpool also isn't a natural leader, like Rogue he works best when you just tell him where to go and let him do his thing. But he's loyal and even though it seems impossible he is more upset about casual racism toward her than she is.

Cable shows up with bad news from the future as he is want to do and he is a leader, a leader both Rogue and Deadpool have worked with. He's also someone that Deadpool loves and respects immensely. Rogue isn't opposed to Cable taking over but before she entrusts him with her teammates lives she wants to know what his objectives are and surprisingly Deadpool agrees with her

It's no surprise that the team is a mess. Captain America stuck a bunch of people of different races together, some pulled from segregated communities, to sell diversity to the media but as always he doesn't exactly understand racism and the team fractures. Cable, Rogue, and Deadpool stick together and actually work behind Captain America's back (which is huge for Deadpool) to find a cure for this poison that was exterminating mutants and stop the Red Skull who had taken the deceased Charles Xavier's brain and was using it to take over the world.

Rogue and Deadpool are actually really good teammates, Deadpool even does things to remind Rogue of home and her family (the X-Men)

(that's a signature X-Men finishing move Colossus and Wolverine use when they are tag teaming)

they even make their own signature move

and they are badass

Rogue puts her faith in Deadpool that he will have her back but still remained wary because he was still Deadpool and she still has all of her baggage and trust issues but suddenly the whole world changes.

Everyone is human, can't remember ever being superheroes, and the world runs like a 50s sitcom. Everyone but Rogue is happy. She's never lived in a world where at least one person wasn't constantly trying to abuse or kill her so even though she doesn't know what's going on she's suspicious of peace

No one knows Rogue's real name so if someone isn't calling her Rogue they usually just call her a few names that sound like it fits and for some reason Rogue has always been fine with that but in this instance it's supposed to be weird

All the X-Men and the kids at their schools have extensive training in blocking psychic/telekinetic/mind control etc. so they can keep their privacy in all of the mutant compounds despite the fact that the biggest gossips are always psychic. Also so shit like this doesn't happen. Rogue arguably has the most training in this for someone who has no psychic powers and through her safeguards she makes herself remember everything and now she has to go find everyone else that is supposed to be on her/their team.

Luckily one of them, Johnny Storm, lives next door so she reminds him that he can control fire by lighting him on fire. Also, he thought his name was Chet

Rogue doesn't give a fuck

Everyone is rounded up pretty quickly and Rogue wakes people up her own way

(Ms. Marvel isn't on her team but she was bicycling by so Rogue snagged her)

No one knows where Deadpool is so Cable, and this is hilarious, has been on so many adventures with him he knows he just has to present an opportunity and Deadpool will appear so he calls 911 and Deadpool immediately shows up in a fire truck 

but he doesn't look like himself

Every time Deadpool gets changed into his ideal body he looks like a 70s porn*

So Wade Wilson lives in this pseudo-universe as a "handsome" able-bodied man who is everyone's hero, a firefighter. It's kind of extremely sad and Rogue takes special care with him, much to Johnny's chagrin

I think it's notable that Rogue just has to tell him something is going on and he immediately remembers who he is. Besides he and Rogue, it seems hard for everyone to accept that this picturesque life isn't real. The both of them grew up experiencing the worst of humanity (we don't really know about Rogue's childhood but she was raised into early adulthood by her mother's, so it still couldn't have been super easy considering they were all mutants and also a queer family in the 70s) they are both also very isolated in their own way, a peaceful happy world is so beyond their comprehension so it's artifice would be easy to deconstruct.

You don't see how Cable comes to but I'm pretty sure he immediately was like "not this shit again"

The current mutant genocide is getting worse and Captain America tries to use how much Deadpool admires and loves him to be his informant but Deadpool remained loyal to Rogue and Cable

Captain America wants them to trust the government to save their race to which they said "LOL" and he and Cable fight but Rogue gets fed up

Deadpool tries to explain to Captain America that he had no choice but to side with the X-Men because his daughter is a mutant and is going to die 

Deadpool takes the dressing down but Rogue defense him

They are both fired but they still stick together to discuss what they should do and Rogue suggest… Well, she suggests that they go rogue

Rogue isn't a great leader but she's really great at heading side missions or defecting to get the job done with the more hands-on approach. This is up Deadpool's alley so they take off for adventure.

And one protecting the other has become my fetish

We just recently got the conclusion of Rogue, Deadpool, and Cable's team up objective. The Red Skull is using Charles Xavier's brain to infiltrate everyone's brain 

and eventually he finds a way to break into to Rogue's mind while she sleeps

and they made a clubhouse with stuff they took from the Avengers

So finally the Red Skull has to be confronted for the final battle and it relies on Rogue and Deadpool. No one has the ability to infiltrate Deadpool's mind because his psyche is so shattered so he's immune and Rogue has training to protect her mind and is one of the few people who can actually take him down so they get to it and call in any support they can get

Cute highlights:

When the tide turns in the battle Rogue is overtaken by the powers of Charles Xavier's brain and the Red Skull has complete control over her, so he uses her as his personal weapon

God, I love her

Thankfully Deadpool is used to things failing so he had a plan. Rogue kills Deadpool as much as she can, the Red Skull gets overconfident and let's guard down, then Deadpool sticks an old helmet of Magneto's on Rogue's head. Seems like that should have been the first thing they should have done but Deadpool getting himself kill over and over got her close enough and in a position where she could take the Red Skull down while he was unaware

But Deadpool had intended to be the one to kill the Red Skull once Rogue incapacitated him but she had hurt him too much

Deadpool is worried that Rogue is going to take it upon herself to kill the red skull as much as she doesn't want any more blood on her hands but the guy has Charles Xavier's brain inside of him so she goes home and the X-Men play operation

That's it! That's their whole story so far. So, should they get together?

I'm biased but don't they make the best brOTP? I love their friendship so so much and it's great to see it slowly develop instead of the writers just miraculously having them get along because it's easier for the story.

Do I think they should date?

Hell yes I do.

It is nice to have genuine friendships in comic books, especially between people of different genders, but this is just too good. Because their friendship was such a slow build the sexual tension feels really organic and that's almost impossible to get in a medium like this. They haven't been friends forever and just because it was convenient they didn't suddenly hook up to further the plot. They are significant characters with significant back stories and the relationship doesn't contradict either of those things. They haven't been almost getting together and getting torn apart like you would have to sit through if story of the relationship was just about their romance.

I'm fine if they remain friends but (unpopular opinion) it would be an amazing relationship with a lot of potential between them; a lot of good and a lot of bad potential which makes the best stories. Unfortunately I don't think they will ever get this opportunity for a "slow build" in other books so how long it will remain interesting would depend on the writer. 

And the time schedule.

And whether you guys would buy those issues or not.

Let me know what you think. If you totally hate them together that's cool, I want to hear your perspective. What would you like to happen between them?

[trendingnewsb]

5 Unsung Heroes Who Made Your Favorite Movie Fight Scenes

Not unlike any given trip to IKEA, action movies are chock-full of fights, the difference being that someone has to choreograph all those epic punches and spin-kicks. And since most of us don’t sit through a film’s credits without the promise of, say, Captain America staggering in front of a green screen to advertise a movie that won’t be out for three years, we’d like to take a moment to highlight a few of the cinematic artists who crafted some of our favorite movie fight scenes. Such as …

5

Thank Jonathan Eusebio For John Wick, Black Panther, The Avengers, And More

Loosely based on the story of everyone who watched Marley & Me and then angrily punched a hole in their drywall, John Wick (aka Scruffy Matrix) finds Keanu Reeves hitting and shooting his way to get to the baddies who offed his puppy dog. The fantastic action scenes were choreographed by Filipino American martial artist Jonathan Eusebio, who also worked on the sequel (titled John Wick: Chapter 2, perhaps in an effort to make literature seem more action-filled and exciting).

Summit EntertainmentThis time, he’s killing people for ruining all his shirts in the last movie.

Eusebio has done lots of great work, even in movies hardly anyone saw. Like Hitman: Agent 47, an adaptation of the successful video game series in which Mr. Clean has a midlife crisis, becomes a contract killer, and ransacks Donald Trump’s suit closet. Take this scene, wherein the titular Mr. 47 gets knocked onto a subway train, then rolls onto the tracks …

20th Century Fox“Aw, that was my tra-” “Don’t worry, I’ll help you catch it!”

… leading to a deadly bout of hand-to-hand combat that also involves navigating speeding trains and puddles of urine.

20th Century Fox

20th Century FoxAt least, we hope that’s only urine …

Eusebio has also worked extensively as either a stunt or fight coordinator in Marvel movies such as Deadpool 2, The Avengers, Doctor Strange, The Wolverine, and the cultural juggernaut that is Black Panther. The latter featured giant battles, an extended car chase, and the only casino brawl in history not caused by booze, money, or Celine Dion tickets.

Marvel StudiosPlus the deadliest use of a wig in a non-Steven-Seagal fight scene.

He also worked on the Expendables series, which is presumably the usual process, albeit with more Metamucil breaks. Perhaps most impressively, he was the uncredited fight coordinator in the obligatory “that escalated quickly” sequence in Anchorman 2. Give this dude his Lifetime Achievement Award already.

4

The Guy Who Did They Live Also Turned Matt Damon Into A Badass In The Bourne Series

They Live is John Carpenter’s classic 1988 film about a pair of shades that allow a drifter to see the secret skeleton-faced alien overlords controlling our planet, and until they make a biopic about Bono or David Caruso, no pair of sunglasses will be so damn important in a movie. Perhaps the most memorable part of They Live is an extended fight scene between star and professional wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David, in which they punch each other in a filthy alley for roughly the length of The Eagles’ “Hotel California.”

Universal PicturesThis is your periodic reminder that Piper thought all of this happened for real.

Carpenter delegated the choreography of the scene to his frequent collaborator Jeff Imada, with only the request that “three specific wrestling moves” be a part of it. He doesn’t say which ones, but they probably didn’t involve slamming your opponent into concrete littered with candy wrappers and used condoms.

Universal PicturesIf you go frame by frame, you can see a full pack of bubble gum falling out of his pocket.

But Imada didn’t dissolve into a puddle of water like the aliens at the end of that movie (we think, it’s been a while). His name is on a ton of classic films before and after They Live, including Lethal Weapon, Rambo, Blade Runner, and Charlie Sheen’s magnum opus Hot Shots! Part Deux. More recently, he was the fight choreographer on The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum — two of the ones starring Matt Damon, not his understudy Jeremy Renner.

Universal PicturesAlthough it’s hard to tell who it is with that camerawork.

Imada even did stellar work on otherwise-forgettable movies, such as this epic fight in The Book Of Eli, in which a post-apocalyptic Denzel Washington battles a horde of chainsaw-wielding madmen …

Warner Bros. Pictures

… or the critically panned but occasionally kickass Green Hornet remake, featuring scenes seemingly meant to gaslight audiences into thinking their popcorn was laced with PCP.

Columbia PicturesOr something else, considering Seth Rogen is in this movie.

A way better fight coordinator than a script picker, Imada has also worked in Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice, After Earth, the Total Recall remake, a couple of Fast & Furious movies, and the Twilight franchise. So if you notice any especially skillful angst-filled werewolf-on-vampire punches, that’s probably due to his expertise.

3

The Transporter‘s Corey Yuen Has Been Kicking Asses For Almost 50 Years

The Transporter sounds like a Star Trek spinoff about the exciting lives of those poor saps who spend eight hours a day standing in a windowless room waiting for someone to decide to beam somewhere. But no, it’s a 2002 action movie starring Jason Statham, Qi Shu, and Jason Statham’s bare chest.

20th Century FoxAnd bare head.

Statham stars as Frank Martin, a guy who transports packages somehow even too shady for UPS. Of course, this allows for a multitude of scenes wherein he kicks the crap out of bad guys, and by metaphorical extension, male pattern baldness as a whole.

20th Century FoxThe famous scene where he interrupts a breakdance competition.

The Transporter was co-directed and choreographed by Corey Yuen, who has a laundry list of martial arts movie credits. Or rather, the laundry list of a hotel hosting a bedwetter’s convention, because this guy’s been making movies since the late ’60s, working with luminaries such as Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and Sammo Hung. Yuen’s American directorial debut was No Retreat, No Surrender, which was also the first movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme (unless you count his performance as “Gay Karate Man” a few years earlier).

Behind the scenes, Van Damme was apparently straight up knocking the other actors unconscious. When Yuen chastised him for breaking character to check whether his scene partner was, you know, still alive, they shot a second take … whereupon Van Damme proceeded to knock him out yet again.

Also in Yuen’s filmography are the ’70s kung-fu flick 7 Grandmasters, featuring glorious swordplay like this …

Tokyo Shock

… and the friggin’ nuts Badges Of Fury from 2013. Sadly, it isn’t about anthropomorphic badges (or badgers) that are super angry.

Easternlight Films

Easternlight FilmsThough that wouldn’t be any less believable than the other scientific laws that govern this movie’s universe.

2

Yayan Ruhian And Iko Uwais From The Raid Also Popped Up In Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Like the frustrated daydreams of your apartment building’s super, the Indonesian action hit The Raid (subtitled “Redemption” in the U.S. so audiences wouldn’t think it was about bug spray) found a cop ass-kicking his way through a filthy high-rise — like Die Hard, if John McClane wasn’t a middle-aged former sitcom star. The movie concluded in a monumental fight scene only made better by grabbing a Nintendo controller and hurriedly mashing the buttons.

Sony Pictures Classics*play for full effect*

Written and directed by Gareth Evans, the fight choreography was done by stars Iko Uwais and Yayan Ruhian — who were so unknown at the time that Uwais was working as a “delivery guy for a phone company” when he met Evans. Of course, after the movie’s success, they soon followed it up with The Raid 2 (Re-Redemption?). It too was full of one insane action scene …

Sony Pictures Classics

… after another …

Sony Pictures ClassicsThose walls were originally white.

The pair’s post-Raid careers haven’t been as plentiful as you might think. While both of them appeared in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, they disappointingly merely showed up to verbally threaten Han Solo, presumably because Harrison Ford is far too old to get kicked in the face.

Lucasfilm“Hi, we’re here to deliver your space phone book.”

But it turns out that wasn’t the only highly-anticipated sci-fi sequel the Raid guys worked on. They also showed up in Beyond Skyline! You know, the sequel to that alien invasion movie so low-budget that it was filmed in the director’s apartment. But with Uwais and Ruhian on board as actors as well as choreographers, Beyond Skyline has some surprisingly badass scenes …

Vertical Entertainment

… including one where Ruhian gets his arm ripped off by a damn alien and keeps fighting.

Vertical Entertainment“What’s the sound of one hand hacking?”

1

Road House Was Authentically Nuts Thanks To Benny “The Jet” Urquidez

Road House is a bonkers ’80s action movie starring Patrick Swayze as a bouncer who works to clean up a corrupt town while also roundhouse-kicking anyone under 21. In one of the most memorable fight scenes in any movie, Swayze has a beachside brawl that ends with him ripping out the other guy’s throat with his bare hands. Warning: The following clip is NSFW, unless you work as a bouncer in Missouri, in which case we have to assume this is business as usual.

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer“Come again!”

This cinematic gem was partly the work of fight coordinator Benny “The Jet” Urquidez, a champion kickboxer who somehow managed to forge a career as a tough guy even with an Elton-John-inspired nickname. Urquidez once claimed that he was challenged to a fight to the death in a Hong Kong warehouse. He also claims to have won the fight, but refused to kill, leading to an audience riot. Those deathmatch patrons can be real jerks.

Urquidez did the choreography for many more Hollywood movies, even managing to make Lou Diamond Phillips and Marky Mark seem like martial arts masters in The Big Hit, which concludes — in the most ’90s of fashions — in a fight inside a giant video store.

TriStar PicturesThe fight ends with Wahlberg using AOL disks as ninja stars.

Urquidez also performed in some movies. Here he is tussling with Jackie Chan:

Golden Harvest

Golden HarvestHow many of you can say you’ve had your nipples twisted by Jackie Chan? No more than 20.

And you might recognize him from Grosse Pointe Blank as rival hitman Felix La PuBelle, who tries to murder John Cusack at his high school reunion.

Touchstone PicturesWhich, if you’ve ever been to one of those things, would frankly come as a sweet release.

Urquidez landed that gig because he’s John Cusack’s kickboxing teacher, which is apparently a thing John Cusack does to say in shape so he can carry around all his boomboxes.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Get to writing your own fight scenes with a beginner’s guide to Celtx.

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What the Hell, James Mangold? (Logan)

The mutant known as the Wolverine sure takes a beating in Logan, getting a steady array of punches, stabbings, and bullets, not to mention a genetic structure slowly breaking down from within. When he [SPOILER] finally does meet his end, it feels like some sorely needed mercy. Unfortunately, this is also the feeling I got when the movie ended. 

Following 2013’s The Wolverine (and the maligned 2009 film X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Logan has been touted as the grand, epic sendoff in the role for Hugh Jackman, not to mention the great Patrick Stewart, who is making his final appearance here as Professor Charles Xavier. That it carries such heft makes it only that much more of a disappointment, as Jackman has been so good as the character that you cannot imagine anyone else in the role, and having Stewart is like Lawrence Olivier playing Doctor Doom. 

The tone of the film is set right off the bat, as we see Wolverine getting beaten by several gang members with guns. Seemingly broken and battered, lying on the ground, the title character has a level of physical vulnerability we’re not used to seeing in him, until he eventually comes around and explodes in a paroxysm of violent rage, killing the men by stabbing them in the head and decapitating them (rinse, repeat throughout the rest of the movie). This incident alerts the villain, Pierce (Boyd Holbrook), who’s the nefarious operational hand (robotic one in tow) of a sinister mutant breeding program, to the Wolverine’s presence in the area, in which he is hiding out with a frail Professor Charles Xavier and a pale mutant named Caliban, played by Stephen Merchant. Wolverine, Caliban, and Xavier are the last of the old mutants left, and are taking medicine in order to stay alive. The encounter with Pierce sets off the discovery of a young girl, Laura, whose mom wants Logan to take them to a place known as Eden in North Dakota, so they can escape the imminent danger posed by the presumed father.

Laura, we soon discover, happens to be a mutant herself, the genetic offspring of Logan, and the impetus for Logan’s and Xavier’s road trip to find this presumed Eden (they all flee the compound when Pierce and co invade it in hopes of finding her, leading to the capture of Caliban, who is essentially beaten and tortured and forgotten about). This small arc of the film, in which we get to see these mutants from different backgrounds and at different stages in their lives, is by far the best part of the film, as it gives us sorely needed character development and illuminates the personas of these characters- Logan as the skeptic grudgingly going along despite his instinct and past demons, Xavier as the enfeebled elder who’s wisdom and capacity to be fully human is eroding, and Laura as a scarred and traumatized young girl who is given to fits of rage of her own (like father, like daughter). After helping an African-American family whose truck went off the road, the three are invited for dinner at the family’s residence. “This has been the best day of my life,” Professor Xavier declares after the meal, nourishing the brief stay with normalcy and humanity experienced from the hospitable strangers, and it’s a sweet remark you can empathize with. He is moved so much that he admits to Logan of still feeling guilt from whatever he caused in New York that seems to have been responsible for the extinction of the mutant race, only this Logan is a clone and stabs him in the neck (oh and the family, with the exception of the father, is swiftly murdered as well, as if they are mere kindling to be added to the Wolverine’s fiery appetite for revenge). This shocking and hollow sequence marks the film’s descent for the rest of its duration into a pile of bodies and more broken plot lines, including that of Caliban, who sacrifices himself before we learn what his powers are or he can be reunited with Wolverine.  

Unlike The Wolverine, which was also directed by James Mangold, Logan has a dull, limping plot that doesn’t seem to know where it’s going (at one point Wolverine thinks their journey is spurred by a fictional comic book story, but is fine with going forward anyway. After the scene described above they drive away into a desert and eventually get to where they need to go, only after Wolverine passes out, the young girl somehow drives away, and he gets carried up to the top of a canyon peak in a gurney), gratuitous violence that gives you the numbing sensation you would expect to get from seeing people impaled in the head fifty semi-odd times, no emotional payoff from seeing the ends of two of the more iconic characters in the X-Men, let alone any superhero, series (how does a character who’s immortal die through mortal acts of violence anyways?), and a young girl imbued with Logan’s adamantium steel claws and regenerative healing power who makes Hitgirl look tame and has the personality of a screeching chalk board (who is also joined by an annoying array of child actors who presumably have essentially the same powers as the X-Men who have died off and none of the accompanying appealing character traits, but seemed to be inserted so there can be a new run of these movies). It all basically adds up to one big hot mess that feels like it was made by a team of producers, rather than the singular vision of an auteur.

For all the crap Zach Snyder got for Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, at least that movie felt like it was made by an actual human being. Logan suffers from what befalls other Marvel movies- shared universe building for building’s sake, humor that tries too hard and would be shot down at any TV sitcom writer’s room worth its salt, and particular scenes that were added to cater to fans with the patience for going through convoluted plot lines if it connects back to something, somewhere else. Sometimes Marvel can get away with this stuff, the recent Dr. Strange has its share of these moments, but they don’t detract from the film’s overall entertaining quality. Logan on the other hand, takes these ill-fitting characteristics and injects them with a hefty dose of brutally, over-the-top violence that is a far cry from Tarantino stylization and closer to what you would get from Mel Gibson if Michael Bay inhabited his brain for a shoot. Considering it went this way as a result of Deadpool’s surprise success, and it’s even more disconcerting and insulting, as if the studios think this level of banally depicted carnage is what will make people shell out $13 on a cold March afternoon. 

At one point when Wolverine has stopped with Xavier and Laura in a motel, we see them watch scenes from the classic western film Shane. The idea that Logan was maybe designed to have the look and feel of a western is a novel one, especially with how superhero films have now taken the place of the western in our cinematic landscape. But beyond that moment, the influence of classic westerns is not really felt, those films have heart, depict bravery in the direst of circumstances, and are filled with exciting scenes that take you on a journey and give you the sense of awe for which we continually go back to the movies. But if more films are made to look and feel like Logan, with its adamantium claws impaling, slicing, and severing without abandon or reason, I’ll sit them out.