#the day that whole part of gaming dies is the day i find peace

[yellowistheraddest]

the world is a wonderful place: you think there can't be more genshin impact rip-offs and yet they appear everyday

[xinyuehui]

I couldn't put on a finger on why the whole tiktok migration to xhs left a sour taste in me until I got annoyed at recent subtle sinophobic comments towards Love and Deepspace left in the tags. (It's a Chinese game that has a global/English server)

Which had me thinking and seeking out if other people felt the same way. The Americans found a new platform, the Chinese on the platform are welcoming and attempts to speak to the Americans in English. Cool, what is left? The third group of people out here that aren't Americans or Chinese in China, it's us Chinese diaspora that live outside of China (in particular the west). We learnt English, forced to erase everything Chinese about ourselves to fit in here fit in there but never fully get accepted into any community. Online spaces are no better, we get all sorts of hate even though we are all communicating in English. One comment that I read on tumblr here a while back that really struck me was op posted something regrading Chinese culture and some white person dismissed op for having a Chinese url so they must not speak English to speak on a Chinese topic.

Americans barging themselves into other people's spaces seemingly with no effort is the most white privilege behaviour ever. Some of them don't bother learning the language, the culture, or social etiquettes. To call it 'refugees' in this current climate is lowkey insensitive even as a joke. Some are just outright racist saying they are there to colonise the app. The offhanded uninformed political jokes are also on thin ice. If this was reversed and a massive group of Chinese people suddenly joins instagram/twitter/tumblr, starts posting in Chinese, the comment sections will not be as 'haha funny' and 'wholesome' as the ones on xhs.

White people posting selfies on the app is harvesting thousands of likes and compliments is the prime example of white privilege, they don't have to work hard to get far, boosting their egos further more. How am I supposed to feel even when I share something on here of my culture either get no recognition or sinophobic comments?

There's a sense of helplessness when I see my people pandering to the white, similar to when Chinese diaspora/Chinese in China on the discussion of cultural appropriation. The experiences the two groups have are vastly different. I don't blame them for this. China, for the most part, is still a very closed society, a handful of them probably never left the country, interacted with a white person or had any prejudice against them for being Chinese. To them, it's just an amusing conversation or two without much thought. At the end of the day when the Americans leave the app, it'll be another fever dream. But for us, we still have to go to work with these privileged white people, come home from work to what I thought was a Chinese safe space to find that insufferable co-worker is on xhs going 'hello China [google translate some nonsense]'.

That said, I suppose for me who is able to post this on tumblr is a somewhat privilege move. For the people in China, it is an avenue to interact with Americans on a large scale without having to use a vpn. The welcoming atmosphere gives me peace knowing that to be respectful is still in our core. For the Americans, whether they are on the app out of spite without thinking of the consequences or to learn about China with an open mind, only time will tell if they will remain on xhs after the fad dies out.

[circeyoru]

You Think It’s That Easy? = Requested

[Yandere Human!Alastor x Arranged Marriage!Reader]

The Request (1) + (2)

Part 2 is out, please check Masterlist for the link

I supposed that it would be heavily implied that Reader here is female, cause I can’t imagine Alastor’s time letting male and male into a marriage. Sorry to my male readers!

A friendship between families is not something to be happy about. At least, to the children of the two families it isn’t

“Darling, meet Alastor, for now you two aren’t of age yet, but in time, you two will be married.”

That line was what chained you down to another without room for rejection or say. Luckily, Alastor himself wasn’t keen on the idea as well, so whenever you two were out of your parents’ sights, you two were off to do as you please

Your parents ran a successful shipping company, leading them to be absent throughout your childhood. They sent you to live with their friend, Alastor’s parents, later the idea of marrying you two was formed. Alastor’s father ran a factory, producing metal and machinary, so he was well off. There wasn’t a thing out of place, except maybe the greedy he has to money

With the lack of parents, you had to rely on yourself and you had plenty of private lessons to prepare yourself before going to going to school. You saw Alastor’s father as a sinful man that leeched off of your parents’ fame. The idea of marriage was mainly from him as well, since he wanted more compensation on top of what was given to him while taking care of you

Alastor was more of a mama’s boy, as you took notice. Very obedient to her, yet when it came to his father, he was much like a doll. You also saw his father as abusive, though he played the kind and sweet father figure when you were around, when you were out of sight, his switch is flipped. You leaned to Alastor’s wounds when you caught him reaching for a med-kit in the dead of night

The two of you made your peace with the arranged marriage after sometime spending at school. You two also thought of just going through with it since either of you found ‘love’, nor did you two want to disappoint your parents

A glorious wedding day supposed to be the best day of one’s life was a dull ceremony for you and merely a formality for Alastor. Vows spoken with the intent to break, rings exchanged as mere jellewery, and a kiss shared just as a performance on stage. Somehow, the smiles on your respective parents’ face was worth the trouble

You two moved out and lived in a mansion that was affordable. You two slept in separate rooms, nearly nothing was shared. The situation was much like a roommate. Nothing between you two suggested that there was the concept of ‘love’

Though an odd friendship of mutual acceptance and private support was formed. While you both had your fair share of friends and connections, you knew you could always rely on the other for anything because you’ve known the other your whole life and seen the ugly side of the other and accepted it

Like when Alastor’s father was accidentally killed in a factor fire and his mother passed away from an incurable disease not long after. Or your parents that died from a shipwreck while out at sea during a vacation you refused to go. During these traumatic times, while people around you two tried to claw at you, the other would protect and be a source of comfort

That’s why you two agreed to have the marriage stay in tact. It will be broken off when either one finds a partner that was ‘true love’

And that time came faster than imagined. You found that love you wanted, you didn’t tell anyone, opting to keep it a secret. You had a face to put on, so does your love. You knew Alastor would understand, in fact, he’d be ecsatic for you. Since this meant he would be free of this playing house game. You honestly figured Alastor had a lover of his own as well, since he returns home so late and would immediately head to the showers to clean before falling asleep

Everything planned for your leave, you didn’t inform Alastor and thought it was fine for you to just leave with your love. You did and none was the wiser. As a form of curtsy and thanks, you left Alastor a great sum of money, a letter of farewell, your wedding ring and signed marriage divorce papers. If he wanted, maybe you two could do on a double date?

While you were happy and dandy with the arrangement, Alastor found himself unable to go through with it when that time come. His hands crunched up the letter and he shoved away all that money. You see, he never expected it, but he fell for you in a way it wouldn’t be considered normal. You were someone he just want to let go

Starting that factory fire was easy, call it a trial. He hates his father, yes, but he also wanted to see if you’d break off the marriage since his father was the one to suggest the idea. But you didn’t and offered him a shoulder to ‘cry’ on, he realized then, that he prefered your presence other than his mother’s

“Alastor, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, My Dear. Accidents happen all the time.”

“No, it’s not!” You suddenly hugged him out of nowhere, you knew perfectly well of his aversion to touch, yet you hugged him tight and provided your shoulder, “Don’t hold it in, Alastor. It’s not good for you. I’ll be right here for you.”

Slowly, Alastor returned the hug. His arms wrapped tightly against you, he let his face bury between your neck and shoulder and forced tears out. When he felt your hands patting the back of his head and soothing his back, a sickly grin formed. He likes this.

He realized his love for you when you mentioned some unsatisfactory suitors that approached you even when your wedding day was near. He killed a few and faked some accidents there. Then he had that was your parents that wanted to stop the wedding since his father was dead and you didn’t appear interested in him

So he found some people with a grudge against your family and planned an accident during their vacation. He appeared as your knight in shinning armour when those some people targetted you. He catched them away, but he just had to off them for attempting to harm you. There, after everything blew off, he offered his hand in this staged marriage as a form of support to you. You needed a husband to rely on, even though you have the money, a lady such as yourself can’t last long alone

The moment you accepted, he got to work. Rooms changed to a shared bedroom, you two would appear as a couple in cafes to enjoy meals and breaks. Everything to make it seem like you two were truly a couple instead of what happened before

Alas, his time with you was very limited. With his popular radio shows and nighty activities, he couldn’t keep up with you. But in his eyes you didn’t change much, so he continued. He noticed you were happier, but when you didn’t tell him anything, he didn’t know what was happening. He assumed you had a successful deal made or the like

“Darling! Dear! I’m home!”

But all that returned his greeting was the empty silence of the mansion.

To think you found your love without telling him. He was careful to eliminate any potential lovers of yours. How did he miss this one?! He’ll admit he was busier than usual, but he had been keeping an eye on you. What went wrong?

As dramatic as it sounded, he felt like his life was sucked out of him when he saw the papers on the table. The flowers he brought, which were your favourite, and the ingredients he brought to make your favourite meal were long discarded on the floor. He left work early to celebrate your anniversary with you and you left?

He scrambled up his and your shared bedroom, your personal belongings and stuffs were all gone. He went to his study, your files, documents, and books were all gone. He went to the kitchen, your favourite kitchenwares were gone too. His knees gave out beneath him, you truly left. You left him

“I wish you a happy life with your lover, Alastor! Don’t mistreat her! And it’s not proper to stay out too late into the night, Alastor~” Those inferno words that taunted him. He could practically hear your voice teasing him from the letter. Did you think he had a lover too? How could he when he loves (is obsessed with) you?

Blasphemy! 

The next day, ladies were eager to comfort him and console him. The news of his divorce and that he was a free man was all over town, no doubt something you did to ensure that he and his supposed ‘love’ can be together in public. He was in no mood to entertain them

Alastor buried himself in his work, radio broadcasting and killing. As much as he wanted to hunt you down and kill whoever stole your heart from under his nose, he can’t. The two of you were famous in your own rights and it would cause quite the scandal that both of you might not recover

So he took out his witchcraft book. Binding souls request both souls’ blood and hair, he had collected yours beforehand. A sacrifice, the body in front of him will do well, it was the some person that tried to copy you and earn his love

He’ll see you in Hell and when he does, Alastor will not let you go

Note: Another story that's not {Unwanted Soul}! I'll probably continue that one when all the votes are in. At least, the new plotline will be like that.

Since this request was a long time ago, I went and made it longer than others. Hope you like this one in the meantime!

Circe Y.

Other Works: MASTERLIST

Taglist:

@aconfusedwonderland

@crowleysthings

@donustellaron

@mistpurpl3

[celestica-1988]

Some other Tokyo Revengers characters headcanon. There will be SPOILERS.

When Mikey left the Sano household he brought with him his towel and some pics of the people he lost. Almost every night when he's curled up in his towel ready to sleep he watches the pics and cries. Yes, even when he's in bonten.

Draken biggest regret is not confessing his feelings to Emma. So when he gets up and goes to bed he always says "I love you" to her pic on the wall.

Baji is so scared of his mother tears because when she cries she turns in a really strong opponent. She's the female version of the blue ogre.

Chifuyu thought that his mother hated Peke J till one day when he got home from school and found the two sleeping together snuggling.

Takemichi finds some notes of his past self in which he's confused about being friends with people he doesn't even remember he knew and lately being involved in a gang. Past Takemichi is afraid he's going insane so our Takemichi writes te a note in which he explains everything. Not surprisingly past Takemichi is even more confused and thinks he need a therapist.

Kazutora is proud of his tattoo. He just wish people in Japan wouldn't be so scared of tattoos because sometimes is tired of hide it with turtlenecks.

Takuya likes to watch wrestling.

Yamagishi dream is that his delinquent encyclopedia would be published one day.

Akkun dies his hair red by himself as a training to be an hairdresser.

Mitsuya is very good at karaoke, he likes to sing rock songs.

Hakkai is the first and more hardcore shipper of Mitsuya x Yuzuha. He really wants Taka-chan to be a part of his family.

Sometimes Taiju babysits Mana and Luna. One time they asked him to watch IT (the 90s version) with them since Takanii forbid them to watch such a scary horror movie, Taiju accepted but not much longer the movie started Mana and Luna started to cry and Taiju did his best to comfort them (he said he would punch any clowns that goes close to them or something similar). In the end the little ones fell asleep in his arms and Taiju had to live for a week with the Mitsuya because Mana and Luna felt safe only near to him. Needless to say an angry Mitsuya scolded Taiju.

When Pahchin gets released all the Toman members throw a party for him. He was sad Mikey was not there though.

When Yasuda confessed to Pehyan he malfunctioned and froze for a solid 15 minutes.

Angry thought for a while that he would be a nurse when he will be an adult. He changes his mind after seeing Nahoya smiling with his eyes wide in delight while eating the ramen that he prepared. Since then Angry wants to be a ramen chef.

Smiley once stole Angry favorite stuffed animal, Souya got so upset that accidentally unleashed the blue ogree. Since then Nahoya always politely asks to Souya if he can borrow one of his plushies.

Mucho goes to punk rock concerts, one time he brought Sanzu with him, but it wasn't a good idea. Sanzu beated almost all the people in the venue.

Sanzu ends up regretting killing Mucho, he misses the older brother he was for him. Especially when he feels lonely and he realizes he has got nobody to talk to.

When Kisaki reaches the afterlife Baji punches him in the face so hard that for a moment he was sure he would come back in the world of the livings.

Hanma likes to play shooting games at the arcade, but when he loses he usually punches the machine.

Kokonoi lives in a traditional house when he's in bonten. There are a lot of candles, lanterns and things that make it a cozy place. Only Miley is admitted in his house and only for urgent matters. The house is his sanctuary to find inner peace after dealing with his crazy coworkers.

Inui likes goth girls more because they understand and appreciate his hobbies.

When Izana listens to Queen the whole neighborhood listens to Queen.

Kakucho learned to cook from Mochi.

Mochi hates creeps who harass women and always beat them down to a pulp. Harassing a woman is not an honorable behavior for a man!

Shion always fails tests of courage since when he was a kid. He believes in ghosts and he's afraid of them.

Rindou panicked when Ran slept for a whole day, he thought he was dead or in a coma. That's when he realized how important Ran is to him. When Ran woke up he cried for joy and ran to buy a mont blanc for his brother.

Ran cut his hair because he was tired of Sanzu calling him Wednesday or Annabelle.

Never insult someone because they are not fully Japanese in front of South, he will punch the living shit out of you. Since he's also a mixed race person he hates when people are bullied for that reason.

Wakasa saved a stray cat once and let the kitten live with him. Now when he doesn't wanna hang out with Takeomi he said he's busy... Busy cuddling his cat that he treasures so much because it help him avoid unnecessary social situations. And because... Who doesn't love a cat?

Benkei likes to built copies of castles in miniature. It relaxes him cause it takes great concentration and ability to do that in the right way.

Takeomi gossips like an old lady with his coworkers (may God help them)

Shinichiro cried the first time he watched Titanic, it's one of his favorite movies.

Yuzuha meets with Emma and Senju every month to talk about how hard it is dealing with problematic brothers.

Hinata is a fan of Avril Lavigne and sometimes she dreams of touring around the world playing the songs she wrote. Unluckily she can't sing but she has got some alternative fashion clothes.

Emma talks and sleeps with the plushie Draken gave to her. She calls him Kenken.

Senju goes often to Harajuku to take inspiration for her outfits.

[cafecourage]

Can I have King! Time trying to find Reader who's hiding from him during a gala?

Any interpretation of this is fine! 🥰🥰

Yes ma’am!! And I’m making this targeted. Love you <3

Author smirks at him, “why not? I’ll be at Prince Sky’s birthday party. Find me and maybe I’ll consider your courtship.” It’s a dare Time couldn’t find himself refusing, with all his life he has never met anyone like the benevolent Author.

The day she came into his life the wheels of his fate started to turn once again. Slowly the day to day grind of his immortal life brightens as he had her to look forward to. Time was quick originally to have the Author as an ally, as he was getting too caught up in government work to help his citizens. He trusts her with his kingdom wholeheartedly.

Which is what led him to this problem to begin with. As a dragon by nature Time was greedy, he wanted to claim Author as a part of his horde and court her offically. Techically he has already put a claim on her, but it was more like a way for the castle's staff to know she had his permission to be in the castle.

But now…. now it's different. Time wants to properly court the human, and while he wasn’t regected outright, he wasn’t given a yes. “Fine.” He finally says after a bit, it wouldn’t be fun now to instantly track you down. After all, he has the whole timeline in his hands to watch. “But as to not make this boring for either of us. I won't use my magic, and limit my dragon sense.”

The Author's face went from confident to confusion, but in the end she went with it. What’s the point of a hunt if it's over in 5 seconds after all?

Honestly he wasn’t going to join the ball for all that long originally. His normal routine would have been to say hello to those he knows and leave to more quieter areas. Then when the party dies down reappears like he has been there the whole time and leaves officially.

This party was also going to be the most chaotic one he has seen so far. With not only Author coming in her civilian form. Time was pretty sure he noticed a familiar witch pass by him.

That wasn’t his problem tonight. He silently just wishes Sky luck as the prince was dragged off. Time turns to scan the crowd now that most if not all guests have arrived. Time couldn’t help but wonder if Author was watching him, waiting to see if he would figure it out.

For once Time didn’t know how to start with this, his sense of smell is limited since the room is full of people and dragons. So it was by vibes and vibes alone. Which he assumed it was the point of all of this game. Moving to the buffet table as he wanted a drink hopeful he can get rid of the small migraine he was suffering from.

He was looking through the crowd only half looking for the Author. The night was still young and he still had time to look for her, he watched as Twilight socializes more with people his age. While even though his Nephew was being tormented by his friends in a slightly polite way but Time was proud of. His gaze shifts to the other people on the sidelines.

Someone catches his attention.

A royal blue he was familiar with flutters and weaves through the crowd almost making a bee line to the balcony. Time’s curiosity peaks as most of the time if someone did that something happened. He put down his wine and head out to follow the lady. Mainly just incase something did happen he could let Sky know. The prince is a no nonsense person so he wouldn’t want anyone to be harassed at his own party.

The cool air was a relief to his small headache, it was nice to have peace and quiet. Time reminded himself he wasn’t here for peace though. He looks around for a second before noticing a small figure in the corner resting on a bench. He wanders over causally as he tries to assess the situation. The Lady doesn’t look hurt, or sad, or angry. She just looked tired. Her dress while Time couldn’t confirm due to poor lighting also looked fine so he could check harassment off for now.

“Mind some company?” He asks gaining the attention of the other guest.

She looks up at him wide eyed before straighten up. “Of course your highness.” She said softly as she moves to the side for him to sit.

“Please don’t worry about formalities.” Time saids as he sits downs “is everything ok?” He asks as that was the reason why he was here.

“No!” She looked panicked a bit “I mean… I’m just tired. I haven’t been to one of these in a while.”

Time hums and looks at the windows into the ballroom. “Understandable. I don’t particularly like these types of events either.” He shrugs “but I am here for my boy and friends. Unfortunately I can’t leave.”

This earns a small laugh from her that made his heart flutter a bit. “I guess even the King needs to let his hair down.” She said looking up at him with a small sparkle in her eyes.

Time’s brain had to reboot itself as he knew this person. He didn’t realize his scent is on her because he was so overloaded from being inside. “May I ask why are you here?” He said not giving away much but his suspicions were growing.

“I was going to meet someone here.” She whispered as if she was worried about something. “But I couldn’t find him.”

“Ah…” That made him feel a bit guilty “I am sorry… for making you wait then.”

“Huh?” They locked eyes, she was in shock while Time couldn’t figure out why. He had already claimed her as apart of his treasure. Courting or not Author was special to Time. He loved her and she helped his kingdom. That realization must of dawned on her. “YOU CHEATED!” She accused him, which made Time burst out into laughter.

[themindcrowave]

recurring jing yuan thoughts #2... a spiderverse AU

so i've been thinking about spiderverse jing yuan lately..... trying to decide whether he's a spider or a gwen/MJ

- if he was a spider he'd be able to travel dimensions,,, he'd definitely have a backstory similar to miguel o'hara's about trying to find a reality where everyone he loved was back together again, but unlike miguel, once that reality inevitably goes wrong he either:

- decides to really focus on his emotional healing and grief processing or

- becomes a compartmentalization master like he is in the game

because either way he knows he can't properly help others and be a leading figure if he can't move past his own grief first. he would rather gnaw through his own arm than push his old emotional scars onto the young spiders he's met and formed family with along his journey. he might have lost his first found family but he'll be damned if he loses his chance at another.

- and then just like in-game, jing yuan will meet the people of his past again... i'm thinking dan heng is a spider from a parallel universe where dan feng's weakened consciousness ended up after he was completely wiped from jing yuan's dimension, so basically dan heng was always his own person of course but then he started having visions of a lifetime parallel to his own lived by someone who looked exactly like him (insert my gwen stacy theory bc WOW does it fit him)

- blade would be kinda like the usual spiderman villain setup where his undying situation is all because of a terrible science accident and his main motivation is to find the ones involved in what happened to him (the og high cloud quintet friend group) and exact vengeance so that maybe he can finally disappear in peace (basically the same as in-game)

- baiheng's death was probably jing yuan's first devastating "canon event". i think he wasn't around to save her when she died (and he couldn't have been, he didn't even know where she was or what happened to her until he heard the news) and that guilt will forever eat away at him... i'm thinking she died in an aircraft accident but i haven't decided what kind yet

- dan feng was a genius scientist. he experimented with a lot of things that he probably shouldn't have and always pushed the boundaries of scientific possibility,, especially after baiheng died. he started secluding himself in his lab and only yingxing ever had any success at visiting him there for any substantial period of time... which is exactly how yingxing got caught up in dan feng's plan to bring baiheng back (think kingpin bringing his family back with the alchemax super-collider) and subsequently cue the horrible accident which turned him into the immortal blade

- oh and then of course jing yuan, being spiderman, has to track down and apprehend dan feng for what he did and decide his sentence (life imprisonment) but dan feng's family clan had him assassinated in prison for reasons jing yuan was never able to completely uncover (and a nagging little part of him will always feel like dan feng's fate was his fault)

- i think jingliu was jing yuan's superhero mentor... not sure if she was a spider too, or just another masked hero in the area who took him under her wing when he was new to his powers. just like in-game, she was the one who introduced him to the rest of the group, and just like in-game she will go completely berserk and become a vigilante with no clear morals or objectives after baiheng dies. like with dan feng, jing yuan has to track her down and try to get her back. unlike with dan feng, jingliu decides that given her shattered mental state the safest option for society as a whole would be for jing yuan to defeat her then and there, once and for all, simultaneously saving the day and proving his graduation from her mentorship. and, well. he did.

- there's yanqing (young spider, official mentee, and unofficial son of jing yuan) thoughts rattling around in here too, but words are difficult so unfortunately you'll have to put your full imagination to work here and just try to feel the "i'm-putting-this-character-in-a-jar-and-shaking-it-like-a-mixed-drink" vibes for yourself! cheers

[musicallyseducingallthehotties]

"Leftovers" A Tale from the Scrolls of NSP

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🦃Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃

In honor of this wonderful holiday, I cooked up some nice, delicious fanfiction.

....Well, delicious is a... peculiar way to describe this fic.

Anyway....

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Summary: On Thanksgiving Night, Ninja Brian walks up to the doorstep of his greatest enemies: The Samurai Abstinence Patrol. He's not here to kill them, but to give them delicious Thanksgiving leftovers instead! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Spoilers: Everything.

Word count: 6238 words

Rating: Mature

Tags: One Shot, Humor, Horror, Action, Canon-divergent, Body Horror, Implied Death, Vomiting/Emetophobia, Gore, Hellraiser-styled Resurrection

Content warning for nudity, gore, vomit, descriptions of certain body parts, some body horror, and boners.

What won't be in this fic is smut. If you're looking for that... uh... go find a different fic.

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Today was a good day to be the Samurai Abstinence Patrol.

The streets were bustling and no one was busting a nut.

The only thing that was getting plowed was the recent snowfall.

And the only kind of tits that were exposed to the cold air were the small songbirds. Particularly the tufted titmouse.

There wasn't just a lack of premarital sex; there was a lack of any sexual activity.

And why would there be? Today was Thanksgiving.

To most of the population of the United States of America, it was a time of togetherness and being thankful for what you have.

To the Samurai Abstinence Patrol, it was their day off.

Every year, the time-warped duo relax in their one story home, usually playing video games and painting portraits of their garden.

....but they always had a feeling that this peace would not last.

Especially when their arch nemeses were Ninja Sex Party.

The two spandex-clad men were the pure antithesis of the values that the samurai held.

The one in black, Ninja Brian, killed his opponents without mercy and disrespected their corpses.

The one in blue... was a different kind of evil.

He not only had numerous amounts of premarital sex, but he caused the catalyst that led to Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry catapulting themselves to the strange place called "Tokyo, New Jersey".

They could still remember it. The mysterious hole being torn through the sky. The visions of that man's lecherous acts filling and corrupting the minds of the village people. Just the very sight of his testicles formed riots against the Tokugawa shogunate and their noble samurai.

To the people of the city of Tokyo, New Jersey, he was known as "Danny Sexbang". But to the Samurai Abstinence Patrol and the village of Furuya, Japan as a whole, they only knew him by one name.

"Kōgan akuma"

The Testicle Devil.

And no matter what, he would always find a way to shove his horny energy into any situation, both metaphorically and literally.

Especially during Thanksgiving.

....However, this year was different.

There was a distinct lack of Ninja Sex Party-esque shenanigans in town.

No one was murdered.

No object, woman, or mime was boned.

Not even a sighting at the Boner Time Bar.

It almost seemed too good to be true... and this put the Samurai Abstinence Patrol on high alert.

The two samurai took turns examining the neighborhood for any salacious activity, so far yielding no results.

On the eighteenth hour it was Barry's turn to investigate, leaving Arin Neverbone alone in HQ.... which meant another attempt at "Battle Kid: Fortress of Peril".

Perhaps this time, he would be able to defeat the Lotus Guardian.

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Fifty-eight minutes had past and no progress had been made.

He couldn't tell how many times he had died anymore, nor did he care.

The taste of victory was being dangled at Arin like a carrot, and he would only get a slight taste of it before it got yanked away from him.

Not this time. This time, he will-

*DING DONG!*

The doorbell rang, killing not only the pink samurai's concentration, but the titular Battle Kid once more.

His patience snapped.

"FUAAAAAAAAAACK!"

Arin Neverbone slammed down the controller and stomped towards the front door, ready to beat the intruder senselessly.

"NANDESHOU??!"

It was Ninja Brian, wearing a football jersey-esque tee that said "Today is Football" over his black shirt.

He was holding multiple clear plastic containers.

Arin readied his bow and arrow as he felt his chi manifesting into a pair of wings.

<Ninja Brian is not here to fight you.> The ninja telepathically communicated to the hostile samurai.

Each of the containers was labelled in black marker. "Turkey", "Cranberry Sauce", "Mashed Potatoes", "Stuffing", "Green Beans", "Gravy"...

<Ninja Brian made a lot of Thanksgiving leftovers. Danny was busy...>

Ninja Brian rolled his eyes.

<....."doing things", so Ninja Brian had to have Thanksgiving over with his wife and kid.>

"Waifu?" Arin slowly put down his bow.

<There's a lot you don't know about Ninja Brian.>

<Talking with your mouth rather than your fists will do wonders on your shitty social life.>

Arin Neverbone's puzzled expression hasn't left his face.

"Watashitachiha iwaimasen."

<This is not a Thanksgiving gift. Consider these leftovers as a sort of peace offering from the both of us.>

The ninja rested a hand on Arin's shoulder. It was strange to see Brian with an expression other than intense blood lust.

Something was off.

"Kore mo anata no jaakuna sakuryaku no hitotsudeshou ka?"

<....Wow. We were actually trying to be nice to you right now and this is how you respond? Accusing us of plotting vengeance against you after last week's "incident"?>

Arin stifled a laugh; the memory of watching Ninja Brian scrambling around and being chased by zombies was still fresh in his mind.

".....Gomen."

<Yeah you better be sorry, you dick.> Ninja Brian shoved the containers into the pink samurai's arms.

<Enjoy the rest of your night.>

Arin watched as Ninja Brian walked away from the house and faded into the shadows, leaving the pink samurai alone on the doorstep and holding containers of thanksgiving leftovers.

Confused about what just happened, he walked back inside with the food in tow.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was now 1900 hours.

The stout, armored body of Samurai Barry entered the house, unbothered despite walking in 32 degree snowy weather.

"Mada ano hentai futari ga mitsukaranai." the green samurai muttered, satisfied by the lack of Ninja Sex Party in the area.

"Ninja ga watashitachi no genkan ni imashita."

"Eh?" Barry perked up at the mention of ninjas. "Dochiradeshita ka? Aodesu ka, soretomo kurodesu ka?"

".....kuro. Kare wa ore ni kono tabemono o zenbu kuremashita."

Samurai Barry returned to his calm, blank expression, before slowly shifting into one full of curiosity.

Ninja Brian? Giving food? To them?

He looked over towards the chabudai, a low Japanese dining table. Multiple containers of food were resting on top of it.

"Shikashi, naze?"

"Heiwa no sasagemono." the ambivalent pink samurai explained, looking at the containers as well.

Ninja Brian wasn't known to hand out peace offerings like this. Or any form of peace for that matter.

....Unless?

"Kōgan akuma-?"

Arin shook his head.

The two samurai looked at each other. Then at the food. Then back to each other.

An awkward silence permeated the area, until the buff pink one decided to chime in.

"Kono tabemono o muda ni suru koto wa dekimasen."

Barry initially wanted to protest against eating the food, but the last time he ate was 6 hours ago, and he was starting to feel hungry after all that patrolling...

"*sigh*... mochiron." the green samurai relented.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After heating up the leftovers, the two samurai placed them in really nice plates and wooden bowls and set them on their low table.

The smell of spices and aromatics permeated the area, causing Arin to give in to his primal instincts and began to feast.

He snatched a turkey leg and tore it apart with his teeth.

Despite being reheated bird meat, it was juicy and flavorful.

Across from him, Samurai Barry was brewing some tea. He has yet to touch any of the leftovers.

"Naze tabenai nodesu ka?" Arin looked at Barry, confused as to why he hasn't eaten anything yet.

"Ocha ga ire owaru made wa." The green samurai pointed at his teapot.

"AUUUGH. Ocha no koto nante wasurete, nanika tabe nasai yo!" The pink samurai was exasperated. This was not the best time for Barry to be his patient, unwavering self.

"Ocha ga ire owaru made wa."

"Ocha ga ire owaru made wa." Arin mocked his compatriot, "Sore wa itsudesu ka? Tabemono ga sameta tokidesu ka?"

Barry rolled his eyes. Arin was inhaling the turkey like he was a part of an eating competition.

"Hrgh. Chinko no fukuro o tabe ni itte kudasai." Barry cursed as he picked up the wooden spoon to get a scoop full of mashed potatoes.

Meanwhile, Arin finished the last of the turkey. He looked over the table to find more, but he couldn't find any.

What he did find was some sort of red, can-shaped substance with the size of a coffee tin.

He poked, hypnotized by its jiggling motions.

Arin grabbed a small piece of the jelly and put it in his mouth. It was sweet, but also had some tart notes.

"Myummmm~"

"Korehanandesuka?" Arin Neverbone leaned over to his good friend, curious about the ruby red delicacy.

"Soreha… Cranberry Sauce."

"Cranberry Sauce...." His eyes sparkled with wonder, making him grab more of the canned sauce product with his bare hands.

Barry, meanwhile, was having the opposite reaction to the mashed potatoes.

In the past eight years of living in Tokyo, New Jersey, the Samurai Abstinence Patrol still haven't fully accustomed themselves to the culture and norms present there, but they had an easier time with understanding the kinds of foods and dishes served in that country.

Thanksgiving dinner was a first for them, though. They only knew what the food should be like from advertisements.

Mashed potatoes were supposed to be fluffy and creamy not.... like the texture of gravel.

"Fudan wa kon'na kanji no ajidesu ka?"

"Mmph. Osoraku beikudopoteto de tsukura reta monoda to omoimasu." Arin replied, explaining away the odd texture as he kept shoveling more cranberry sauce in his foodhole.

Before the green samurai could swallow the potatoes, he felt a weird crawling sensation in his mouth.

Was it a bug?

Barry paused and slowly masticated on the substance to make sure.

No movement.

Reassured that he couldn't feel any bugs in his mouth, he kept chewing on the grainy potatoes..... only for it to squirm again.

Barry spat out the mashed potatoes onto the plate in disgust.

"Nanika ga ugoita!" he exclaimed, pointing at the slop.

Arin froze mid-chew, cranberry sauce dripping off his chin.

Skepticism was soon forming on his face, but not for long.

On Barry's plate, the blob of chewed up mashed potatoes began to pulsate like a slime mold. Little tendrils emerged and began touching the surface of the plate until the substance was able to slowly push itself forward.

Before long, it gained enough speed to slither off the plate. The strange blob crawled across the table until it reached its destination:

The bowl of mashed potatoes.

The form reached out to the rest of the off-white mush.

Without warning, the contents of the bowl came to life and devoured the smaller globule, startling the two samurai.

It slurped back inside the bowl and went still for a brief moment... before it began to ripple.

Five bubbles began to emerge from the mass and swelled until they popped, revealing thin, writhing tubes. They bloated and stretched into finger-like appendages before dividing themselves into three distinct pieces.

The squishy, granular texture solidified and hardened as the forms gained more detail, turning what started off as shapeless pillars of mashed potatoes into the finger bones of a human being.

Arin and Barry's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Korehanani no majutsudesu ka???" Arin shrilled as the two men jumped out of their seats. Barry's short-tempered compatriot stumbled around as he grabbed his bow and arrow and readied himself.

"Matte." The green samurai lowered Arin's bow and arrow while analyzing the mush from a safe distance.

The phalanges were raising upwards. Another set of pillars emerged, morphed, and hardened into another set of finger bones. More of the mashed potatoes bubbled near the pillars, forming strategically placed bits of calcium to create....

A hand.

With four, thin delicate fingers... and one stubby thumb.

"Iya… soreha murida…" Arin was in a state of denial. There was no valid reason as to why one of their worst enemies was coming out of their food.

The hand was propelled upward with the white mush as it began to form the long twisting forms of the radius and ulna, followed by the humerus.

While the skull began to form, the cranberry sauce sprung to life and began to coat the hand. The mush solidified into strings of muscle, nerves, and blood vessels, wrapping and connecting the lifeless bones.

The arm twitched and started to move, pulling the rest of the mashed potatoes with it as it crawled towards the sauce. A second pair of fingers emerged, erupting into a second arm while the other one gained more muscle.

Sitting and watching was no longer an option.

"Jigoku ni ochiro!!" Arin roared as he fired a bow at the abomination's newly formed head, exploding it into mashed potato goo....

....for a brief second.

The skull reformed rather quickly; the splatters rubbernecking back into the familiar shape before refining its features.

The jawline, the scar on the right side of his face where his eyebrows would be, the indentation of the chin...

There is no mistaking this skeleton for anyone else now.

"KŌGAN AKUMA! Akuma yo, moto no basho e kaere!!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arin Neverbone charged forth with his katana as he unleashed his battle cry, fueled by the determination of making this corpse stay a corpse.

Unfortunately, the two samurai are dealing with Danny Sexbang, who was considered by many as the toughest ninja in the world.

A slowly regenerating Danny Sexbang, but it was him nonetheless.

The emerging skeleton rolled himself off the table with the cranberry sauce, causing the potato mixture to splosh wildly. As the clavicle and scapula took shape, the long streaks of white ooze morphed and hardened into the leg bones and the spine. Meanwhile, the larger splash-like shapes wrapped around the spine, forming the ribcage and pelvis.

Just as the two samurai were about to ambush the incomplete man, the rest of the cranberry sauce fell flat onto the skull.

They froze in place, holding their weapons high in the air.

"Aah, Kuso..."

Danny didn't need a translator to know that the Samurai Abstinence Patrol were simultaneously shitting their pants.

Or ears for that matter.

Not when he has been trained to feel the life energy surrounding him.

The rouge goo consumed his skull and rushed down his neck before coating the rest of his skeletal frame. A little bit of the sludge slorped inside the rib cage while the rest began to spread to his arms. Most of the slime was turning into muscle fibers, but some of them bloated and stretched inside the outer film, turning into various organs.

He could already feel some of his senses coming back. Eyes emerged from empty sockets while his hearing system was in the process of reconstructing itself.

His brain formed soon after, reconnecting his lost senses.

He now knew where he was, but...

How the hell am I gonna get out of here?

The two samurai charged at Danny as he crawled around with whatever upper body strength he had right now. Globules of slime dripped down from the neck area as it began to reform his lungs.

From the outsider looking in, he looked like he was in agonizing pain. In reality, his otherworldly regenerative abilities were anesthetizing his entire body, causing him to feel nothing but a strange, tingling sensation.

However, the regeneration induced numbness can only last so long before it wears off. He had no choice but to fight.

As the green samurai rushed in to try to break down the still regenerating muscles in his legs, Danny rolled his eyeballs back to his skull and focused on his chi.

The world was black again as he saw the green aura of Samurai Barry. Spiritually, Danny's body was all intact.

Especially his amazing penis.

With his confidence reinvigorated, the regenerating corpse stimulated his own spiritual energy simply by having a single horny thought about girls.

Particularly one involving that hot blonde he saw on TV the other day.

He felt the familiar warmth of his chi emerging from deep inside him and concentrated it to his eyes.

Now... build up...

A bright blue form that vaguely looked like his junk glowed in front of his loins, pulsing with warmth. The energy slowly raised up through his body until they were finally at where he wants them to be.

...and RELEASE!

Danny's eyes sparkled with energy as he fired a concentrated ocular beam towards Barry's sword, causing it to fly off his hands and into the ceiling.

"Kuso ~tsu..." The green samurai cursed in a hushed tone. He tried pulling it out, but the katana was lodged in the ceiling's drywall.

If I had vocal chords right now, I would be laughing my ass off.

The growing leg muscles finally connected to his feet, giving him enough strength to finally pick himself back u-

"SHINE, KŌGAN AKUMA!!"

Arin Neverbone lunged out towards the still regenerating man with a surprise attack.

Frightened, Danny opened his jaw and released some kind of high-pitched screech from his newly formed airpipe.

This caught the pink samurai off guard, causing him to drop all of his arrows and pratfall from one of them.

The corpse burst into fits of laughter. It was shrill and hyena-like; a complete departure from Danny's usual dulcet tenor, but he didn't care. His own prophecy had been fulfilled.

Offended, Arin tried to get back up once more.... only to trip on yet another arrow.

The cacophony of cackles continued, gradually lowering in pitch as the vocal folds continued to rebuild.

"Naze kisama wa waratte iru nodesu ka?!" the man lashed back upon being laughed at by a slimy, squeaky voiced zombie.

A slimy, squeaky voiced zombie that was now starting to stand up, towering the samurai with a fragile ego.

Danny's facial muscles were bursting from the oozing red slime and began to attach themselves to his skull, revealing more and more of his smile.

Arin has had enough.

"DAMARE!!!!!"

Using his chi, Danny pulled the energy to his diaphragm, not only allowing him to unleash a longer scream, but to not put stress on his throat and, by extension, his vocal chords.

Because his larynx was still regenerating, he was limited to a slightly smaller range. Any attempt to go beyond that would strain his pipes and result in utter defeat.

Arin was resisting the overwhelming push of the sonic burst, walking towards the corpse with a burning fury.

He threw off the top of his gi, revealing a chubby yet muscular physique. Pink energy in the shape of a heart pulsed in his chest as he began to manifest wing shaped constructs from his exposed back.

He slowly pulled out his katana from his gi pants, preparing to strike again.

Shit.... this isn't enough...

Danny took in another breath.

Alright, you douchey cockblocker. Looks like I'm gonna have to shred my voice after all.

Note to self... brew tea later.

He pulled more chi into his vocal chords, duplicating his own voice to create a polyphonic choir.

As Arin Neverbone rushed towards his opponent, Danny released a barrage of noise, pushing the samurai further away but still not stopping his resolve.

Danny's eyes darted around the room, trying desperately to find something that will help turn the tides in his favor. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait very long; a sharp fluctuation in pitch alerted him that his Adam's apple was reforming.

Oh HELLO, lower octaves! What took you so long?

As Danny's voice began to readjust itself, he slowly expanded the range of his choir ability, raising and lowering the pitch of the vocal copies while they gained more timbre.

The pink samurai continued to press forward, but something was making the simple act of standing on two feet difficult. He felt the earth below his feet rumbling, slowly growing more violent as Danny's lower register reemerged.

Once Arin Neverbone started to wobble, the slender songbird let loose a powerful holler, causing his enemy to lose his balance and slide across the wooden floor.

Meanwhile, Samurai Barry, after numerous failed attempts, succeeded in freeing the katana from of the drywall.

"He~tsu. Wakatta yo."

Sadly, his victory was short-lived. His compatriot was skidding towards the green samurai... and he only had a few brief moments to react.

CRASH!

The two men collided with each other and slammed against the wall of their clean house.

...correction. Formerly clean house.

A picture frame fell on top of one of them and shattered.

"Ha HA! Thath's whath happhens when you messth wipth me, shit-for-brains!" Danny crowed as his tongue finished mending, "....God I missed hearing myself speak."

By now, all of his muscles have finally formed and what little fat pads he had were almost complete. There's only one part left to regenerate.

The deep red slime covering his body tightened around his slim yet muscular frame and solidified into pale skin. He saw moles and scars reappear and his nails growing out from his smooth form.

The bald, naked form of Danny Sexbang now stood before the battered samurai, looking like he just came out from the pods from The Matrix.

It wouldn't be for long; a violent tug from his head broke his concentration and almost made him stumble. Thick, curly tresses fell onto his face.

Danny pulled some of the loose curls away from his visage to get a better view of his lithe figure.

A cocky smile emerged from his lips.... that quickly shifted to confusion.

Upon instinctively tracing his form, he was still perplexed by how he was still hairless. His body hair should've been regrowing by now, especially since every part of him had been regenerated.

.....right?

Danny's free hand traveled down to his crotch.

He froze, looking like he just realized that he left his wallet at home.

"....Where's my dick?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two samurai looked down.

The area where Danny's junk should be was now a bloody, bite-mark shaped flesh wound with what appears to be the hole of a fleshy tube. It was almost like he was a jelly filled donut... and someone took a big bite out of him.

They looked around the dining room. There was no more cranberry sauce left on the plate.

Barry, upon realizing what just happened, looked over to his partner in crime in disgust.

"Naze."

"eh?" Arin titled his head, oblivious to what he did.

"ughhh... bakane…" Barry covered his face with his hand. He forgot that Arin was sometimes dumber than bricks.

His partner gestured to Danny's wound, then pointed to Arin's mouth.

The conclusion still hadn't reached the pink samurai... until something began to stir in his stomach.

"Ah..... phuack......" he wrapped his arms around his body. Something was squirming inside and it was trying to climb out.

The nausea was starting to sink in.

A normal person would try to hold it in and make a beeline towards the bathroom and expel the contents, but Arin was no ordinary man.

He was a samurai.

By running away, he would be going against his own code.

He didn't care that he was fighting a piece of cranberry sauce that was actually his opponent's genitals.

A samurai fights until the bitter end and a samurai never changes his path, and if Danny gets his junk back, they're screwed.

Arin used all the muscles in his digestive system to prevent the throbbing slime from exiting his digestive tract, but it just kept fighting.

It punched and kicked its way through his stomach and up his esophagus, causing him to double over in pain.

He tried swallowing it back down. It wouldn't relent.

He tried stuffing his face with food to keep it busy. The food just kept getting pushed out of his mouth.

He tried drinking tea to wash it down. Samurai Barry blocked his comrade with his blade and an angry scowl, and handed him a bottle of water instead.

Even then, this did nothing. Arin spewed out the water before it could make it to the slowly emerging blob.

There had to be something, anything, to stop this monstrosity from exiting his own body.

That's when he saw it. The wooden spoon that Barry used to scoop the mashed potatoes with.

"Kamisama, tasuketekudasai..."

With one last prayer, He shoved the handle of the wooden spoon down his throat, avoiding any area that would trigger his gag reflex, to make sure the lone slime wouldn't be able reunite with its father. So far, it was working.

He continued to battering ram the goo down his esophagus, spewing out chimp-like noises in the process, when...

"HURAK!"

The handle accidentally grazed the back of his throat, causing him to projectile vomit a large, beer can shaped blob of deep red goo and the wooden spoon straight at Danny.

The limber ninja got smacked in the head by the spoon and fell, but before he could hit the ground, the slime managed to make contact with his body and landed on his chest. The cold sludge trickled down Danny's naked form before finally stopping at his loins and lodging itself into the wound.

"Ackghuh...! There it is!" his voice strained.

A sharp jolt made him wince, but the familiar tingles of regenerative numbness soon took over. Due to how sensitive his bits were, slime gestated them inside a thin veil of cranberry covered goo.

Barry closed his eyes immediately as the familiar forms of Danny's junk began to take shape. Arin, however, took longer to react. He was still recovering from the recent regurgitation as he curled himself into a ball.

Barry, with eyes still shut and a desire to not have his friend get harmed even further, used his chi to find Arin's body. He lifted him up with his stout muscles and proceeded to take him to the bathroom.

Danny, meanwhile, was not paying attention to either samurai. He was more focused on his privates, watching intensively as he saw all the parts grow and reconstitute themselves.

He didn't care that it was gonna hurt like hell afterwards.

He just wanted to make sure his prized possessions came back correctly.

Sure enough, they did.

Once his parts was reconstructed, the slime started to shift in texture and color, wrapping and shifting to turn into the skin that covered the shaft of his scepter and cradled his family jewels.

His genitalia, now fully formed, succumbed to gravity and plopped onto the wooden floor.

Danny beamed as he got off the ground, happy to see his junk dangling between his legs again.

He grasped the hilt of his mighty sword.

At last, he was whole once more.

"Welcome back, Excalibur."

Suddenly, a thick burst of curls erupted all around the base of his blade, spooking the slender fellow as it expanded outward to his inner thighs. His balls followed suit, growing sparse hairs all over his sack.

"Aaaaand welcome back, 70s bush." Danny's smile drooped to a slight grimace.

Regeneration was making his nuts work overtime, pumping his body full of testosterone. Like clockwork, the rest of his body hair emerged; the various strands squeezed out of his skin in various lengths and thicknesses like clay being pushed through a mold.

Danny was especially happy to see his chest hair grow back, celebrating by tracing circles around the congregation of curls on his sternum with his two slender fingers.

It might not be the thick pelt that one of his heroes, David Lee Roth, had, but it gave his slender build a more masculine edge.

"Yep. We're soooooo back, baby." Danny purred.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before Danny could succumb to his chemically boosted libido, he slapped himself across the face.

"Focus, Sexbang! This is no time to start touching yourself! You need to get the hell out of douchebag HQ!"

The naked man walked towards the door, but just as he was about to leave his eyes wandered towards the table.... or whatever was left of it.

Surrounding the piles of splattered food and broken plates was a traditional Japanese tea set, completely unscathed.

He touched the teapot. It was still warm!

Danny's voice was still shot from all the screaming he had to do and the regenerative numbness was going to wear off soon.

He could wait till he got home and get the pain out of the way, or...

Danny poured himself a cup of the herbal tea. The grassy scent of matcha hit his nostrils as he chugged down the contents. The slightly bitter taste made him shiver a little, but the sweet, familiar taste of honey made swallowing the concoction a lot easier.

This was exactly what he needed.

"Mmmm..." Danny hummed, rubbing his throat as he felt the warm tea slither down his esophagus.

The man paused. Despite being numb, he realized that the texture on the upper region of his neck seemed different.

It was courser and rougher, almost as if he hadn't shaved in a while and sprouted a neck beard in the process. Which could only mean one thing...

Danny's hands traveled upward to his face, feeling scruffy hairs on his lips and chin that extended towards his jawline before becoming scragglier and stopping at the highest part of his cheeks.

"Huh. Guess I grew a whole ass beard."

"...."

"If this is what happens when my head gets completely obliterated along with my body, then I should get my head destroyed more often! Makes growing mustaches and goatees a hell of a lot easier." he laughed as he took another swig of the tea.

"Well, I am gonna have a whole day trimming the hedges tomorrow, so f--k it. Might as well also make it the day I do some really stupid facial experi-"

*SCHWACK!*

Someone tackled the nude and distracted Danny onto the ground.

And that someone was a very pissed off Samurai Barry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Man... you guys don't know when to quit..."

The short green samurai slammed his foot down onto his opponent's chest and squatted down.

Usually Barry's deep, blue eyes had a soul-piercing quality that came from his unwavering sense of justice and honor. Here, they were no different from Danny's ninja compatriot's; they were filled with rage and his black pupils were sharp like daggers.

With no other options, Danny pulled out his signature move.

"Oh, are you jealous by the fact that I can grow a sexier beard than you? Come on. You could've attacked me at any time... or are you scared to kill me 'cause I kicked more ass than both of you ever will?"

Danny was making a bluff check.

If there was one thing that Danny Sexbang was really good at, besides making love, it was improvisation.

Because of his long history with Dungeons and Dragons, he was able to weave complex tales on the spot and most of the time his charisma helped do all the heavy lifting.

Thanks to the recent burst of hormones, his gambit had some weight to it. Danny's beard was indeed thicker, fuller, and had covered more facial area than Barry's, albeit slightly patchy in the cheek region.

He even lowered his voice down an octave to not only highlight his more rugged appearance, but to make himself sound more macho to intimidate and emasculate the samurai.

All he needed was his opponent to believe him.

"Ore no ocha."

Unfortunately for Danny, Samurai Barry wasn't in the mood to humor his bluff and had bigger fish to fry.... like dealing with some asshole drinking his tea.

".....oh shit that was your te-?"

"Ore no ocha o nomimashita ne." Barry snarled, trying to hold back from completely ripping apart his opponent. He could've activated his chi and screamed at Danny until he was nothing but a pile of dust... but that wasn't the way of the warrior.

His death should be treated with respect... which means it was going to be swift and painless. And he was planning to make sure that his head will never reunite with his body ever again.

"Ohkaaaaaaay.... As much as I like to kick your ass, my own body is planning to kick my ass pretty soon, so how 'bout we-" Samurai Barry pressed his katana against Danny's throat.

"Anata dokoni mo ikimasen."

"Dude, come on! I just got these pipes back! Let a man rest first before he gets torn the f--k up."

Barry wasn't relenting. He turned to the side while he kept his foot on his opponent's chest and began to raise his blade.

"Anata o korosu mae ni nanika saigo ni iitai koto wa arimasu ka?"

Danny's eared perked up, a devious smile emerging from his face.

"Last words, hmm?"

His body was still deluged in the regeneration-induced influx of testosterone. It made him into a sexual firecracker that was ready to explode.

All he needed was something to ignite it... and the samurai foolishly gave him a window of opportunity to strike.

"Ok."

Danny took a deep breath as he mentally prepared himself to execute the plan.

".....Boobies." he said in his signature "sex voice", a deep and husky growl that oozed with hunger.

Barry, meanwhile, was confused.

"......boobies?"

That one word was enough for Danny's sex-obsessed brain to trigger a chain reaction of thoughts and images, stimulating not only his junk, but his chi in the process.

Even though the numbness was still present in his body, Danny felt the bubbly warmth of his mojo surge within his pelvis, causing his long mane to stand on end.

The brilliant blue energy began to flow upward, emerging from the base of Excalibur and steadily enveloping his shaft. Right as his mojo reached the tip of his blade, the bush surrounding it was ablaze with his lustful aura. His veins began to pump the mighty sword full of chi, expanding and springing it upward to its full, glorious length.

His testicles, Alpha and Omega, were bathed in the energy as well. Omega rumbled out pink vibrations, while its sibling, Alpha, was releasing small sparks of cyan colored electricity.

Danny's confidence, much like his schlong, swelled with fervor.

"OH, NOOOOOOOOH!"

By the time Barry realized what was happening, it was already too late.

With the energy building up inside his loins now reaching critical capacity, Danny pelvic thrusted upwards, unleashing a pleasure-filled shockwave that sent the green samurai flying across the dining room and crashing into a wall.

Danny got up from the floor, standing triumphant and satisfied, almost like he released a month's worth of pelvic frustration. His fellow Admiral Excalibur relaxed as the spiritual boost wore off.

"Well whatdya know! I just killed two birds with one stone. I kicked your ass and I don't have to clear my schedule for an impromptu 50 person orgy."

Barry, still reeling from being thrown against the wall and getting electrocuted, could only reply with a pained moan.

"I know, it's sad, but preparing an orgy like that takes a lot of planning,.... and sending out invitations..... and buying supplies....and it just turns the act of having sex with a lot of people into work. And nothing kills boners quite like boring ass work."

The samurai replies with a pained moan, again.

"Come on, dude! Look on the bright side. I didn't have to jerk off onto anything! Win for me, win for you."

Another pained moan completes the rule of three.

"Now, if you excuse me, I got some important business to attend to. ....And for once, it's not about masturbation."

Danny walks over to the door and leaves....

....before coming back once more.

"...oh, and one more thing. I hope you and Arin feel better. Sorry for... all of this."

The lanky man finally exited the wrecked house as Barry succumbed to his injuries and fell flat onto the floor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Danny bolted from SAP's headquarters and headed straight towards his place. He didn't care that he was running around the neighborhood buck naked at night. He was used to it.

Thank god it was just a block away...

Upon reaching his house, he frantically tried to open the door.

Son of a bitch... it's locked...

Danny looked around the house for any other potential openings, but they were locked too.

...wait what am I thinking? I still got the tingles.

Without hesitation, Danny ran towards the nearest window and crashed into it, landing on the dining room table. He shrugged off the various splinters and glass shards that were piercing his flesh.

Just a minor inconvenience... for now.

Danny's eyes locked onto the refrigerator. His junk was going hurt the hardest. Luckily, a nice ice pack to the nuts would make things... slightly bearable at best.

Or, in this case, a bag of frozen peas.

He went to the fridge, trying to locate the titular sack of chilled vegetable spheres.

Ninja Brian, ruthless asshole that he is, peeped out of the entertainment room, seeing a birthday suit donned Danny rummaging through the metal ice box.

<So, did you learn your lesson about not banging Ninja Brian's Thanksgi-?>

"YEAH YEAH I LEARNED MY LESSON I'M NOT GONNA F--K YOUR TURKEY ANYMORE WHERE'S THE FROZEN PEAS??"

<Freezer. Second Shelf.>

"THANKS MAN."

<Nice beard by the wa-.>

"NAH NAH NAH CAN'T HEAR YOU HAPPY THANKSGIVINGGGG!"

Danny ran down the hall to his room while Ninja Brian reluctantly resumed watching the halftime show. He slammed the door and leaped onto his bed, bag of frozen peas at the ready.

It was only a matter of time before the tingles wore off.

....and the time was now.

..........

Across the hall, Ninja Brian laid on the couch with pillows covering his ears, resisting the urge to murder the television. Not even a sax solo was going to make him feel better about the halftime show.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!"

Ninja Brian perked up.

Girly bloodcurdling screams reverberated through the hall and it showed no signs of stopping.

<Finally.... some good f--king music.>

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

le FIN

[cosmictapestries]

In honor of Cageblade week, I thought i'd play the headcanon game and list some of my favorite headcanons for our favorite couple over the next few days

Today, I'm starting with our Best Girl because NRS has done a criminal job of flushing out her character in both games and media.

1) She grapples with PTSD.

Let's start with one I think a lot of people have in different degrees.

I do believe that a lot of what people see as Sonya being cold or unemotional stems from a lot of the trauma she has seen as a soldier. Her father died. Her brother died. Her brother in arms died and was brought back as a revenant. Everything she's been through has colored how protective she is of her family and she's deathly afraid of not being able to keep them safe.

When Cassie was a baby, Sonya would wake up at night and go watch her sleep just in case. If she got overwhelmed, instead of letting anyone see her upset, she'd go and cry in the shower and hope the running water hid the noise.

Part of what broke her marriage up was the almost obsessive need to keep Johnny and Cassie safe. If that meant missing out on their lives by working, she was okay with that. She realized too late it had pushed she and Johnny apart but didn't know how to fix it, so she doubled down and hid in her work.

2) She does have her share of luxuries that she won't go without.

Good coffee, dark chocolate and aged whiskey are all things i think she has a well known fondness for and Johnny indulges her in. After years of military life, i do believe she secretly enjoys going to the spa with Johnny and Cassie and getting her nails done. Ask her to admit it and she'll kick your ass.

3) She's a dog person.

Growing up in Texas and spending time/living with her grandparents gave her a love of dogs and in particular working dogs like German Shepherds or Belgian Malinois. I headcanon that Cassie wanted a puppy, Johnny wanted a designer dog and Sonya compromised by adopting a retired police dog. He's supposed to be Cassie's but Sonya adores taking him out for hikes.

4) She's a marathon runner.

Aside from countless hours spent training and honing her body for fighting hand-to-hand, i've always thought that Sonya is a runner, both to release stress and because she enjoys it. She's completed both the Boston and NYC marathons in record time. Johnny and Cassie are at every finish line as her #1 supporters.

5) She loves Johnny fiercely and it both confuses and infuriates her.

Sonya is used to being alone, she got used to it and and liked it. Loving someone like Johnny wasn't in the plan so it really threw her for a loop. He constantly reminds her that life is all about balance, that you need to have both work and play. She has more fun with him then she's ever willing to admit and it also scares the hell out of her because she's lost so many people.

6) She's Bisexual.

Even after the divorce, as angry as she was, she was still in love with him. She just refused to admit it.

When Sonya loves, it's with her whole heart. My headcanon is that she's had relationships with both men and women.

7) She remembers every kill she's made.

Names, faces, ages. Even if it's her job and she does it well, it haunts her. She doesn't sleep well and often finds herself awake, wondering if she could have done something different. Her greatest wish for Cassie is a peaceful world where her daughter won't face the same regret

[alex-frostwalker]

Is it weird that I wanna write a Lady Ethereal × Husband!Solarian!Reader?

Reason, a gift/crumb for the male Lady Ethereal fans, since there's a confirmed relationship between her and Xiaohe. Love Partners..

.

..

...

Waitwaitwaitwait-!

Before ya'll Talisman and Unbound Counter me to oblivion. Hear me out.

Here is the WHOLE plot idea and the end here if you wanna see, basically spoiling the entire fic idea ↓

Basically YOU and Fu Die are a happily wedded couple. Husband and Wife

Everything stays the same, YOU are a supportive husband, helping her out with her team in the Soulscape Project.

But everything changed since the Tianhuo struck. Taking every Solarian's life... Sadly YOU got affected by it. It devasted Fu Die and remained on your side.

As she was away, Xiaohe entered the room you are in. YOU called her there for a reason.

YOU know that Xiaohe has a crush on your wife.

It started from being silly, but you got a bit jealous, but shrugs that off and you have no ill intent. YOU are a goofy lovable husband afterall, that's why YOU and Fu Die got married.

So anyway YOU tell her YOU know about her crush and affection on Fu Die, but she lies on that but you hit her with a blunt truth via very evidence and action that he saw in the past.

To the point she admit it all flustered.

She wondered why YOU were asking this..

Reason?

YOU know your gonna die, this virus is fatal than you expected... And you don't want your wife to be sad and an alone widow.. So.. You asked her favor.

"Keep my wife safe and happy... I know you love her... And I know that... The look in your eyes, it's the same way I fall in love with her... I know you will give her the love and support that I failed to manage"

You gave her your ring and blessing of her having to ask your wife to marriage once you passed away...

And you did...

You died and it brought Fu Die grief.

Her friends and coworkers, giving her condolences, most importantly Xiaohe.

This goes on and spent time with her more than the rest.. to the point that she fell in love with her too..

Fu Die then got a bit worried that she's falling in love with her coworker/friend since she still loves her deceased husband. But Xiaohe thankfully tells her that YOU understand.

So their relationship grew, first are friends, now are lovers..

And then that day, where the Fu Die is chosen to be part of the council.

It was the best day ever...

And that one moment where the project will be apart of it.

They are more overjoyed.

So that day on the experiment.

(Two Versions)

Xiaohe plans to propose to Fu Die after the 30 Days in the Soulscape testing.

She proposes NOW before getting in the Soulscape.

Regardless.. it happened..

Till everything. Went WRONG.

She'll find out that YOU gave Xiaohe your blessing to look after her.. and Xiaohe died, never managed to declare her proposal/marriage..

And time has passed through the events on the game and up to her defeat

Fu Die looks over to the spirits of her friends in front of her as everything in the Soulscape fades.

Now in Tao.

She felt at peace.. and right afar is Xiaohe, they ran to eachother and embrace. Missing each other lots of time...

Till she hears another unexpected voice.. she turns her head and saw YOU.

Looking at her with sweet somber smile of longing and love.

She hugs YOU and kisses you, missing your support and embrace. She gets flustered at the realization she'd done and glances at Xiaohe who just giggles.

YOU nod in understanding and gently grabbed her hand and put hers and Xiaohe's together and let go and look at them.

This made Fu Die pout and grab yours and hold hands together.

Now at peace and reunited with the two people she loves.

Basically.. In the End, it became a Poly

She has two hands

[scriptofdevilswan]

‘ And I hold you every night 

   And that’s a feeling I want to get used to 

         But there’s no man as terrified 

                As a man who stands to lose you’ 

“ Don’t you leave me again.” 

“ I can’t lose you.” The words echoed in his head. John B knew the heartache of broken promise. He lived through his father who went missing, who was alive reentered his life, and then died at the hands of finding gold, a sacrifice he made for me, for Sarah in that cave. The same sacrifice Ward Cameron made to redeem himself in his daughter’s eyes. Was all the pain forgiven? Yes and no. For John B he ached to see the pain in Sarah’s eyes, and truth be told Ward did the same action John B was terrified in the moment of finishing. John B was going to step in front of that bullet, to save Sarah, and a part of him knew Sarah would scold him for it. We sacrifice, we spent days thinking treasure is the right move, to provide, to make a living. Ward helped us in the end, and Sarah was alive; so yeah For John B it felt like water was under the bridge. 

The only family we had left, heartache devastated and all, we both experienced trauma. Guns pointed at heads, the battle wounds of our own family putting us in harms way. And we were alive, Sarah had become my whole world, the person I woke up to, the pearson I smiled to myself over. Each morning, I felt her head rested either on my chest or her hair was scrolled out over my arm that was hanging under her head. And I’d smile watch her wistfully sleep, peaceful, We’re home. A place John found happiness and content with. After all the close calls, all the times he nearly lost himself, his friends and Sarah, he believed he signed off from the G game. That morning, just hours ago we were okay, we agreed one last mission. 

Was I curious? Of course the blue crowd? The next attempt at gold? To save our home? To build a house for just Sarah and I? The power of devotion of love, a protective instinct was more powerful than ever. Just hours ago, Sarah told me we’re pregnant. I felt shock, The waves of fear because my mother left me at a young age, and my dad was far from steller half the time. He cared more about treasure, the next big win than being there for me. I learned that when he forced me into lying to people I loved, he was willing to risk death. But John B his real gold was Sarah and I knew she was scared, so was I. I was felt terrified when the words left my lips that night, Resting my hand upon her stomach with more importance than any other time I held her in my arms. 

And that’s where he stood, motivated for the win, the gold once more because he wanted desperately to provide for his family. To not be his dad. He was going to be a good dad, and Sarah was going to be a spectacular mother, her caring nature, her caring touch, I knew we both wanted to survive this ship, one last trip to Morocco, for JJ, who had been done dirty, this trip gave us a chance to redeem, a chance to forgive, earn trust. And although I wanted to punch Rafe myself; John B reminded himself he wasn’t a fighter, not anymore. Any urge he had was swept under the rug the second he looked at Sarah and saw that small smile of hers, every move he made was for her. 

Sacrifices, why was it every person had to risk it all for me? For Sarah? It all happened at once, in fast motion. The waves, the storm crashing in, the boat wasn’t able to handle it. John B held tightly to that wheel attempting to maneuver the boat forward; to survive the storm. One second he was holding on for dear life and the next he was knocked down to his knees, he felt a wave of pain on his leg from the impact, but he didn’t care. “ John B” her voice of an angel creeped up, and he was prepared to stand; on his feel unsteady now. 

“ Sarah!” I yelled through the open waves, She was so far on the end of the boat to reach, I tried to move my body towards her, and I swore I felt numb the second I saw it. She fell into a barrial, she fell, an ache in my body formed and I was pushing my body to jump down, but the waves, the storm surrounding us ran deep. Enough and at once Sarah; the woman I loved, my wife disappeared from sight overboard. I vaguely heard the commotions under the cabin, JJ; and I was so angry at him for calling me a bad dad, when all I wanted was to believe in him, the friend he’s always been. But how how do you stay angry when you just witnessed your best friend jump willingly overboard after your wife? My child? John b swore he couldn’t breath, the agonizing pain in his chest, “ Sa” He tried to speak but no words came out. His eyes were blurry from the wetness the tears that dared to fall. He barely heard Kiara come on board to the area I was, hand on the wheel of the boat. “ what happened? John B? “ Sacrifice is a funny thing, our bodies more without a muscle memory of knowing why. 

I couldn’t speak, I was speechless, eyes watered up, the shock in my body now as all I could do was reach for Kie and pull her close to my chest. The ocean blues lifting and falling, All I saw was the life preserve, No sign Of Sarah, No Sign of JJ, and I felt like I had no air within me. All the times, the promises, I can’t lose you, I wanted to scream, I wanted jump ship, but I had Sarah’s voice echoing in my head now. “ Don’t make stupid decisions John B, think of us.” And I was, but it wasn’t one aching heart, but two. 

Devastated, loss at sea.. I was nothing but numbness, as the shouts the worried consumed around me.

[fakeshibe]

Doug Rattmann is actually one of the most tragic characters in like modern gaming and i think we should all just acknowledge him more ok?

like, he's one of the only surviving aperture science scientists, if not THE only surviving scientist if we consider that even the people survived by being off sick would survive just long enough to die in the 7 hour war. He's totally on his own in a facility full of things that want to kill him whilst also dealing with paranoia, delusions and hallucinations with only one dose of his medication saved 'For the end times'. Once he takes that, he'll literally never be able to get more, he can't leave aperture and even if he could who's going to refill his prescription? Everyone died in the seven hour war remember? Or is about to, depends how long he's been surviving in the walls. Probably a couple of years going off of how many Rat-man safe houses we find in the game. There are probably more in the test chambers and offices we don't personally see. His only company now is a companion cube that he takes everywhere.

On top of that, he has to live with the knowledge that the deaths of his colleagues and friends is partly his fault. Survivors' guilt on top of murderers guilt. He was part of the machine that not looks to grind him into paste.

And yet, he doesn't hide away forever, when he sees that Chell has a real chance of making things right and taking out GLaDOS, he does what he can to help. Paints clues, messages, guides, anything he can to give her a chance.

And when she succeeds, he steps outside for the first time in years. Feels the air on his skin, sees the sun shining, feels freedom within his grasp. When he has all this, but watches Chell being dragged back to the hell he only just escaped, he gives it all up.

He recognises that Aperture is not dead, and he gives up everything he has, his present and his future, to make sure Chell lives. To make sure she has a chance to bring the whole thing down. When he finds that she's been put in long term relaxation, and that GLaDOS's shutdown has knocked all of the relaxation pods offline he knows what he has to do. He can't wake her up, but he can make sure her pod gets the power it needs. Make sure it keeps her safe for whenever the day comes that something automated wakes her up. Sets the markers so that when that day comes she'll find a portal gun. A life and a head start. A chance. It's all he can do and so it's all he will do.

And on the way to do that, he's shot. A turret shoots him in the leg. In a facility with no-one else left alive, he starts to bleed out. There's no help coming. No-one can hear him scream. No one will finish this if he can't. He can't stop. He chose Chell the first time because of her file specifically mentioning her tenacity, her will, too stubborn to ever give up. And so to save her life, he keeps going. Drags himself and his companion cube towards the computer that can save her life. Moving this much will make him bleed out faster, but it's all he can do. He can't die in peace when he knows Chells unpowered relaxation chamber will suffocate her without his intervention. And so he gets there, and he resets the power, and he saves her. And he asks for her forgiveness for it.

And then he crawls.

So slowly.

So agonisingly slowly.

He crawls towards the stasis bed that brought Chell to the first chamber.

His own grasp at rest.

Not survival.

No-one is coming to save Doug Rattman.

And so he falls asleep. With his trusty companion cube settling beside the stasis bed.

And when Chell finally wakes, and treks back through that first room. There's no trace of cube nor man nor stasis bed. Only the murals on the walls and the dens within them. One of which references Atlas and P-Body. Maybe he survived long enough to see GLaDOS develop them, or maybe they were an old idea from the Aperture archives Doug worked on that she dug up and claimed as her own. After all, who's going to prove she didn't? She killed all the scientists that could. She could claim anything in Aperture science was her work, GLaDOS is Aperture.

[scriv3lloirl]

Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and today we will be talking about my Audrey || x Mouthwashing AU (I watched some Markiplier yesterday)

Ok so for anyone who doesn’t know: Mouthwashing is a game about a space crew of five crashing. It’s a horror and the trigger warnings are talk about rape and rape enabling, pregnancy related to that, gore, suicide, murder, a bit of cannibalism, and hallucinations. There’s a LOT to it, but that’s the bare bones I guess.

So in my AU, (is Irresponsible Plant Food a good name?) Pony Express, the company they work for and the whole reason they’re in space, has acquired a baby Audrey ||. They order the crew to take care of it and study it, if all goes well they also plan on getting more and selling it as a tropical space plant. So Jimmy, (Jimmy sucks and is one of the main characters), says that Anya should take care of it. Anya is an aspiring nurse who while really talented and intelligent has failed med school. He says she should be the one responsible for it so she can “prove” her abilities as a nurse, Curly (the Captain and enabler), agrees with the logic so Anya’s left with taking care of it completely. Daisuke probably visits Audrey || and talks to it, but I doubt he knows shit about taking care of a plant so he can’t really help. Anya doesn’t either, so she’s left feeling discouraged and starts doubting her abilities as a nurse.

(Yes, you get to see some of my messy art.)

Audrey || does grow up to around his Feed Me (Git It!) size around when they crash, probably fed off of paper cuts Anya has gotten and maybe blood bags if there’s any around. So Anya’s almost version of the song is her convincing Anya to feed it Jimmy, he’s a piece of shit anyway and they can tell she’s thought about it before. She feels guilty for the fact that it’s true, but she does get convinced and goodbye, Jimmy!

(Audrey || design’s based off a cool one I found when looking for a reference. Also I couldn’t find a good reference for the second drawing, so ignore that—)

After that, the next victim’s Curly. Sure, he claims to be her friend, but he enabled Jimmy, her literal abuser. So yeah, she convinces Anya to use him as her next meal. Curly doesn’t resist, but he really wouldn’t have been able to anyway considering how much the crash disabled him. I actually wrote a monologue for Anya for this part as well as some lyrics, so here!

After this, I’m thinking there’s two endings like there is to Little Shop of Horrors.

The good ending, and the one I originally came up with, is Audrey ||’s still craving for more and tells Anya she should feed him Swansea next. Swansea’s tough on the outside but a good guy deep down, so she refuses and explains she cares about him. They basically argue over it until Anya decides that she has to kill him, using Swansea’s axe to do so. Considering it’s a good ending, they probably get recused some time after he dies.

Trigger warning for abortion and death for the bad ending: Audrey || still asks for Swansea, but Anya, knowing she’s pregnant and not wanting a kid, tells him they should just attempt to abort the baby and have him eat it instead. Anya’s aware the probability of her surviving this is extremely low, but she’s at peace with this and feels if she dies, she deserves it. She unfortunately dies, Audrey || eating her and the rest of the crew.

Basically a summary/TLDR, this AU has also made me realize that Anya and Audrey would definitely be besties!

Sorry this was so long, this is what happens when my autistic ass combines two hyperfixiations 😭 Hopefully you at least enjoyed. Have a lovely day! :D

I might make some fanart fer this AU a'yours, if you don' mind that is. Love love love this concept, it's fuckin awesome.

Anya n Audrey would 100% be besties.

[beaningeneralacceptance]

Remember that reader-insert Isekai idea? Yeah, I am now inspired. Tell me what you guys think at the end ;D

----

Fate could have been more cruel when you died. It could have sent you to the depths of hell, for example. Instead, you have been transported into a world of magic. You are not sure how you arrived here nor how you died; your past memories are gone, at least those that make up the reason of your reincarnation into the wonderful world of hermitingcrafting Arcane Odyssey.

You've found yourself on Cirrus Island, taken under the wing of the Vista family. Of course, you were fast to jump to conclusions: that you are the main character, the clean slate that is supposed to be the Player. Your first instinct was to jump off the Stepstones to meet Ren or take a ship to Sailor's Lodge to continue the storyline but you were promptly stopped by many of the locals. They assured you that you would break all of your bones if you did that... after a daring jump off a metre high rock, you were convinced that fall damage was real.

For a while, you're vigilant. Nervous. You find that you have been reborn without magic. Which, fair. The universe brought you back from the dead and gave you a life you should be grateful for. Still, it sucks that you've been forced into the non-magic stat builds. Ha. Stat builds. If anyone here heard you mention stats, they'd look at you weird.

There is no sign of Iris. Neviro is nowhere to be found. Ren, or Warren, is also gone. Elius isn't at the Djinn Ruins when you work up the courage and go to check. There are a lot of scorch marks on the ground though and all of the trees are burnt to a crisp.

Over the next few days, you come to the conclusion that you aren't part of the story. None of the main characters are on Cirrus Island and the first Order boss has been defeated, meaning they've moved on. You can just, relax. Relax and enjoy life as a cottage core farmer because you've got no money to make it in the world.

So, you've built yourself a quaint little cottage on the edge of the island. You've got a little garden that you're hoping to expand into a proper field, a plant nursery, a bunch of baskets to forage for rare reagents and ingredients, a whole wardrobe of different outfits that you're pretty sure were not in the game. At least there are some jean overalls you can wear for your farm work. Every now and then, you do chores for the locals -not without a fair reward, of course. Anything for one more galleon in this economy.

And so you live out your days on the quiet sky island, immersing yourself into the experience and only caring about saving up to go on a bunch of adventures in the grand War Seas! You could go anywhere you wanted if you save up enough. With the amount of research you've done into ships and naval commands, you should be able to handle a bit of sea travel in the old vessels of wood and iron. It's peaceful and it's home.

Until a newspaper is thrown at you when you exit your house on October 1st. You're fast enough to catch it before it hits your face and like every Monday morning, you sit and read the news to see what has gone wrong and whether Prince Revon made up with his girlfriend or not. However, the headline catches your attention.

"A curse user and a lost magic user attacked the Ravenna Castello last night, wounding General Julian severely. The beloved, young general managed to fight off the attackers, securing the mage, while the Cursed evaded capture..."

The rest of the words are lost to you. If you're right -and you know you are- then the people mentioned here are Morden and Iris. Where is Neviro? Where the fuck is the Player? Nothing about the Eternal Mines is mentioned. King Calvus IV has not been mentioned. This is not how the Castello fight was supposed to go!

With a big gasp, realization dons on you. Cold sweat rolls down your temple.

You are the Player.

[wickedlyemma]

How do you think the first meeting of the ofc and Sherlock/Mycroft went, or the "figuring out" I'm in a different universe

I actually did write this scene in the first version. I decided I wanted to start more with an in media res approach for Cat's Cradle. But in the original, the reader spawns in Sherlock's bed with no idea what's happening.

Wait! I actually just found my original timeline when this was just a daydream. It has changed a bit, but this is originally what I was considering. The main part I still consider "canon" is the first few bullet points. I decided to do away with her writing down a timeline of what happens bc I decided to make the reader more detached and depressed.

Opening:

Wakes up in Sherlocks bed. He seems mildly interested. John is freaked out. * Interrogation. Mycroft comes in to ask questions. Reader believes this is all a dream but answers all of Mycroft’s dumbass questions. Is told she doesn’t exist. Considers the reality of not existing legally. That starts to get to her. Mycroft seems like he starts believing her. Talks about putting her in a government facility, Sherlock says he would prefer it if she stayed nearby (at john’s prompting). Mycroft reluctantly agrees * Gets her set up in an apartment two floors above. Is told politely not to leave and she’s trapped inside with no groceries. Takes a shower and reality starts to hit. Cries herself to sleep * Lives days in a daze. Groceries get delivered but she can’t leave. Sherlock comes by a couple times just to observe her. Not a great conversationalist. Starts to get lonelier and more out of it. Accepts that she’s in an alternate universe and writes down everything she can remember. Thinks about Moriarty for the first time and those implications. Realizes she probably has nothing to worry about, little chance of it happening. Goes to bed * Explores the boundaries of her imprisonment, what she can get away with. Starts abusing Mycroft’s ordering system. Offers to cook for Sherlock and John, Sherlock declines. She asks again for her own sanity. Sherlock says that isn’t his problem. Gets irrationally angry and tells him to get out of her home. Low point. Misses her family * Spends a whole day in bed, then another. Adds to her current outline of Sherlock. Tries to devise a game plan, or a way out of this. Only conclusion she comes to is that she might wake up if she dies (if it’s a dream). However, starting to feel every day less and less that it’s a dream due to nature of reality. Comes up with alternate theories that A) she’s crazy or B) she has died and this is the reality her dying brain came up with. Decides to make due with what she has and enjoy this reality * Showers. Gets good groceries. Listens to music and cooks a proper meal. Starts to come at peace with her existence. Moriarty shows up. Tells her her place is bugged, curious about Sherlock’s new toy. Jealous she’s taking away interest. She tells him not to be, she finds Sherlock kind of boring. Reader actually ends up having a good evening having dinner with him. Tells him to come back soon. * Moriarty’s visit makes her feel better; mood is improved. Worries about the implications in that but then remembers that none of this actually mattered. Misses being out in public, misses meeting people. Ruminates on how she won’t be able to build a relationship in this universe. Moriarty shows up with whiskey (i am Irish). Explores her house and finds the outline. She burns it before he can read it

[kao-tika]

hi again! ✨ here’s another fic rec, this time about fics that are based off movies or books let me know what you think 🎞️📚🩷

☆ Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don't know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six's victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven's victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

notes: this is one of my favorite fics of all time, you don’t have to be a big HG fan to enjoy this story ( but if you are i think it’s very accurate to the saga) so beautifully written and so gut wrenching in equal parts, amazing ending, cannot recommend it enough <3

☆ Take My Breath Away by RealityBetterThanFiction

There is a prestigious school in the British Royal Navy classified as Premier Delta - or as it is known by its flyers, 1D. These select pilots are an elite set of Naval lieutenants who are trained in the skill of aggressive aerial combat. They are instruments of war, trained in times of peace. They are dogfighters, relentless and fearless in their mission to protect their beloved country. From their lofty vantage, they are always watching, waiting, and ready to lay it all on the line.

Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground.

notes: checking the fic again for this rec I can’t find if it said it explicitly BUT this one gives mayor top gun vibes throughout the whole story, a really fun and cute fic

☆ The Afterlife Fic (The Best I Ever Had in My Entire Life... Or Death) by LovingCup

AU- After dying in an accident, Louis Tomlinson arrives in the Afterlife. Not Heaven and not Hell, Louis finds himself in Judgment City UK: a pristine city where the food and entertainment are divine and the newly departed must undergo a Review of their life on Earth to determine if they have lived a life worthy of advancement in the universe, or if they must be returned to Earth to be born again in a new body.

On his first full day in the Afterlife, Louis meets Harry Styles, and the two have an instant connection. Over the course of their Reviews, they fall in love and begin to find that even though they didn't know each other on Earth, they are nonetheless linked to one another in perfect ways. Both are hoping to move ahead in the universe together, but they are challenged with the threat of separation if one or both of them is sent back to Earth to be born again.

Loosely based on the Albert Brooks' film "Defending Your Life" starring Brooks and Meryl Streep. One scene in particular is drawn from the movie, but other than that scene and the general concept, this story veers far away from the film. There were no blowies in the 1991 movie, I swear!

notes: another one of my favorites! for what I remember, a long read, but so worth it. This story touches on topics of grief, loss, love, life and fears through the life of Louis and Harry and how they navigate their relationship in the afterlife (ends good).

☆ You Fill My Lungs With Sweetness (Can I Be Close to You?) by sideofzemblanity

Busy picturing Harry’s stupid face on the stupid dummy, Louis goes through a series of kicks before returning to a low guard and cycling through punches. Harry’s still talking, gesturing with his hands as he rounds Louis, standing to his back. “You do a few butt-shaping exercises, tighten this up a little bit,” he smacks Louis’ arse and the omega freezes while Harry cheerfully continues, “you could pull this off.”

“You know what?” Louis snaps, lifting on his tiptoes to get the leverage so he can wrap his arm around the alpha’s neck, forcing him to bend in half while Louis locks him in a chokehold. “Pull this off,” he snarls. They stagger over a few steps, Louis gritting his teeth as Harry tries to break free. “Is it because Payne hates me?” he complains, voice edging on an annoyed whine, “Or is it, like, an omega thing?”

Too late, Louis realizes that Harry has got a grip on his leg and this time as he pulls against Louis’ hold, it loosens, the alpha lifting him in the air before slamming his back into the mat, breaking Louis’ grip completely. Harry kneels on the mat, hovering over him with a sneer, “Don’t kid yourself. Nobody thinks of you that way.”

aka the Miss Congeniality ABO AU nobody asked for

notes: SOOO funny, has a little bit of angst, friends to lovers, a short read so you don’t have excuses;)

☆ Come My Love Again by softfonds

Harry Styles is handsome, clever, and rich. At least that’s what his friends say of him. He also thinks of himself as a matchmaker in Highbury, pairing people together when he finds the time. But when the arrival of a certain gentleman flips Harry’s world on its head, he starts to question everything that was once all too familiar to him, including his relationship with his good friend, Mr. Tomlinson. An Emma AU.

notes: I really enjoyed the little bit of angst on this fic, i think it’s omegaverse if i don’t remember it wrong?. enjoy of Louis being a classic gentlemen

☆ In The Still Of The Night by jacaranda_bloom

In a society where omegas are expected to follow a predetermined path, Louis strives for more; for his voice to be heard, for recognition, for true love.

In a world where your past defines your future, Harry fights against the system; for equality, for a different life, for acceptance.

When their two worlds collide, will they be beaten down by conformity or will they rise up and forge a new path together?

OR the Dirty Dancing AU where Louis is a feisty omega who wants to change the world, Harry is an alpha from the wrong side of the tracks, and nobody puts Louis in a corner.

notes: the fic that I didn’t know I need, is dirty dancing with larry do I really need to say more?

☆ in a world alone by falsegoodnight

Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him.

Because the swan is gone.

And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen.

A Swan Lake AU

notes: a really cute one shot, fairy tale vibes ;)

☆ hold on to your heart by falsegoodnight

“Come here for a second.”

Harry’s brows furrow, glancing aside like he thinks Louis may be talking to someone else. Louis jerks his head beside him, impatient, and the alpha steps into the room cautiously.

Louis turns back to Royce and Hunt who are staring at him in confusion. He pastes a pleasant smile onto his face, clasping his hands together. “Gentlemen, I understand. I understand the predicament that we are in…” He clears his throat. “But there is something you should know.”

“What is this, Louis?” Royce asks, exchanging a look with Hunt.

Taking a few steps backward until he is beside a very bewildered looking Harry, Louis takes a deep breath. “We are, uh –” He reaches out and touches Harry’s arm. You cannot actually be doing this, he thinks. But then he does. “We are getting married.”

The Proposal AU, where Louis is the no-nonsense editor in chief of one of the largest publishing houses in the country, and Harry is the unlucky assistant that gets roped into a fake engagement to prevent his boss from being deported. Things don't go as planned.

notes: really funny and cute I enjoyed reading it sm!!

☆ through chaos as it swirls, it’s us against the world by sweetfairydreams

corporal styles is sent on a suicidal mission, at his hands the lives of hundreds of men that are going straight into a trap. he ends up finding louis, the french and most beautiful boy he ever seen, and a baby, in a basement of a dead city.

based on the movie 1917

notes: a cute and wholesome story <3

──⋆˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆˚｡⋆──

[scratchandplaster]

Stack The Deck - PART 11

CW: obsessive thoughts, drug mention

Intermezzo ⇽ [Masterlist] ⇾ PART 12

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Yaletown Park looked more like a rocky desert than anything adjacent to the open hangout it was sold as, especially in the hollow glow of the streetlights. Caught between high-risers and vacant retail space, the few square meters of cobble only offered some trash or needles to pluck from the ground. If the grass patches shooting out here and there were ever kept trim in the first place remained a mystery.

Behind a strategically chosen planter sat a reserved man, smoking the second pack of the day and stewing in his jaded mood, still waiting for whoever wanted to stop by. All this was normal for Morris by now.

The evening had started promising, with frat boys strolling along the sidewalk and a few girls in tow; a view that was starting to become more and more frequent. He smiled joylessly, remembering how he met Amber on a night like this.

More than a year must've passed since then, he figured, trying to cling onto thoughts that wouldn't shock him with memories of someone he didn't have to think about anymore. At least when he was chased around enough.

"You're gonna sit there until I tell you otherwise!"

Goddamn. Not that it was easy for Belanger either, patrolling the streets to prospect the usual scum. No regret laid in avoiding each other, but since Morris was dependent on any signal to engage with the more casual clientele, he was stuck in place. 

That's what I get for my not so tight scheduling. 

As a fixer caught at the bottom of the food chain, and honest to god no agency or willingness to change his position, it was better to keep his mouth shut and head down. But with skin still in the game, did he have another option? For all he cared, they could make him do their laundry and scrub all crack houses of the state squeaky-clean. Anything else than ending up in Dutch's office with that thing-  

Another thought he quickly shoved aside, another problem to ignore till it blew up.

Except a lone hobo who threw up way too close to his shoes, nothing ripped Morris out of the daydreaming that kept his last sliver of sanity alive. The risk of being arrested on the spot or stabbed to death by someone who needed cash even more than him aside, the prize of it all was just...surviving.

"One day you wake up, and your whole life is spent in what?" Amber's life lesson was now sober reality, spot-on to the last detail.

Hearing her voice again used to pierce through his gut and leave him wrecked with self-hatred, although these feelings had died down in the time they spent apart. Not that he didn't try to distract himself from the distraction, oh no, he had several chances to drown out boiling memories of past love during the spring months, but this year it was different. Nobody was waiting at home. Morris couldn't let go, not this time, not since her...since him-

If Belanger didn't call right now, he would find a good use for all those narcotics in his pocket.

A break from it all, that's what he needed to work himself to the bone for. 

Wrapping his leather jacket closer around his body, Morris wished to disappear into it completely. Even the colorful August couldn't hide that it had gotten colder in the last days of an already far too chilly summer. 

Without any warning, his peaceful solitude was interrupted again. 

A figure stumbled blindly along the sidewalk. Morris' gaze followed them closely, how disoriented feet pushed each other forward and finally letting them flop down onto a bench near the park's exit.

Drunk or high, certainly. Care for another round? 10 bucks for a flat of fentanyl - dark green, quite popular at the moment. 

Still, Belanger didn't give him the go-ahead yet. Maybe he should make today's slow business hum: be proactive, independent. Write it on a resume, why not.

His stiff knee gave an audible crack as it was forced to stand straight, lazily stretching the sore muscles in his back and taking the first few steps towards his potential customer, Morris started to become flustered. 

Could be a setup, for all he knew. Something was off. 

The soon-to-be buyer was wrapped up in shadows, sitting quietly by themself and only rarely mumbling at the stones below their feet.

He approached until their shoes nearly touched, time to play offense: "You good?"

Nothing. Awkward, he wasn't used to making the first move like this.

Shoving at the motionless shoulders only made their head flop forward, and a forced sigh quickly followed it. First week on campus, probably, lost their friends and self-control only to aimlessly walk around the neighborhood.

"You definitely had enough fun for today, buddy," Morris scoffed, ready to turn around. 

Suddenly, he faltered. They had to rethink Belanger's strategy if he ought to stay here, passed-out freshmen were only good for catching unwanted attention and as long as Dutch didn't want to see his ass in jail, any cops on patrol should be avoided. Not that they lost sleep about the mass of catatonic bodies scattered throughout the city streets, just when they were seen in the wrong parts of town - the pleasant ones.

"Move," so he demanded, quickly lifting up their chin, nestled against the stiff collar of their windbreaker, with his fist. "You're gonna get me in trouble."

The hot breath against Morris' hand sent shivers up his spine. After nights like these, he felt mostly frozen numb, but the air coming out in labored and shallow puffs let his fingers tingle with newfound life.

Suddenly, the howl of an ambulance cut through the silence. Not for them, of course, it was surely headed east. As it took a turn and rushed past the unusual couple, Morris caught a quick glimpse of his vis-à-vis.

For less than a heartbeat, his body froze.

His mouth began to open and close like a fish on land, unable to produce a single word, whilst the prickle spread from his back through every inch of his body. A wonderful illusion bloomed under the blue-red-blue-red flicker and as quickly as it had reached both, it left them alone in the nightly glow of streetlights.

Morris didn't hear himself gasp, the rush of blood in his ears was too deafening. Now dead focused on the freckle-sprinkled skin, tousled dark hair and soft lashes, an inward pull kept him from blinking: the fear that he would be ripped out of his trance.

No dream, no wishful thinking. Morris would recognize this face anywhere.

"Elliot?"

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Masterlist]

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