#the darkest hours

[foxoftheninetails]

Sometimes I think I played the first chunk of my life on easy mode. I always got away with everything, I had money in my pocket that I earned, even when shit was bad at school I always skated by.

I met Kenna, and we were joined at the hip. We got married, and we moved to New York. Even when money was tight, we always managed to make something work. I was happy, I think. Because I ignored how I felt inside, just suppressed it.

Things were good. I had a very well paying job, we finally had our own place, we werent just surviving, we were thriving and healing.

Then I got fired, and it feels like every day has been a struggle. I decided fuck it, time to do some personal growth, and I learned how to unmask. Imagine being so diligent, so efficient at masking, you have to unlearn how to do it. You have been so afraid of being your true self for so long, you don't even recognize yourself anymore.

Dont get me wrong, I love my partner and my friends with all my heart. They are true, genuine bright spots in my life. But everything outside of them is so dark. I hate how weak I've become, that the smallest thing puts me in bed for days. I feel sick all the time, I can't find motivation for anything but spending time with my friends.

And if I think someone is upset with me? Even over something small? Who needs sleep anyway? Every time I fuck up, the first place my head goes is: they're going to abandon you, just like every other person you cared about. You're going to be all alone, and no one will care. So get out ahead of it. Push them away first, go cold again. You don't need them, you got along fine on your own.

I hate myself for it. Because now, I fight back. I swallow my pride and I reach out. And it's never serious, they always tell me what the problem is, and we talk it out. But I'm such a whipped fucking puppy, I go through anxiety for hours or days before I work up the courage.

What if this time, I'm wrong. What if this time they really are tired of dealing with my bullshit. I'm headstrong, I dont listen, I get wrapped up in my own shit. I am hard to be friends with. What happens then?

I'm so tired of being scared of being abandoned. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a constant disappointment to everyone around me. I'm so tired of feeling sick, and scared. I'm so tired of pulling everyone down around me with my depression and drama.

All I want is for my friends to see me online and get happy. I want my partner to come home and feel warmth and welcome. I want to be a better person instead of just slipping right back into shitty habits. Every day this keeps going, every day I dont get better, I question if I'm even worth it anymore. Just keep disappointing everyone until they all leave, get rid of me and live better lives. Then I can get some shitty little job that makes me miserable, and go back to living with my dad and being miserable, and isolating myself so I stop plaguing everyone. Then I can be the genuinely shitty person I know I am deep down, and I'll hate myself for it, but at least I can stop hurting the people I care about.

[balladofbells]

This is going to stay with me forever

[born-in-neverland03]

You know what this is?

This is Rio Vidal aka Lady Death who's quietly checking on her wife. Like everyone was focus on Alice and worried about Teen but not Rio. Who actually should bc someone just died and she's going to have to collect her body/soul to take her to the other side.

And what is she doing? She was only looking at Agatha and checking on her as good as she could in that moment. Because she knew Agatha probably won't let her and she had to do her job afterwards so there won't be time for it.

[chocolatehouse]

We deserved more Lancelot and Merlin doing manic interactions!! We were robbed

Look at the way Merlin is shrugging when Lance sees him light the fire w magic in front of the knights without them noticing, look how proud Lance is!! This episode (s04e02 the darkest hour pt2) is peak Merlin and Lancelot, bbc saw that and put an end to it. They deserved better. We deserved better

[renegadesstuff]

THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER WHEN THE OTHER DOESN'T KNOW IT 🥹🤍

[clanslist]

[kissme-withyour-cherrylipstick]

He's sleeping :)

Merry Christmas

[marril96]

Yes, mommy.

[coline7373]

"For Life and Light."

Pffffiuuuuu... I didn't thought I would finish it in time but I did! *fist pump*

Just in time to thank the @codywanfirstkissbingo 's mods for such lovely prompts and to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and/or Winter's Holidays!!!!!!!!!

Big love sent to everyone!!!

💖❄🎄💖🌞💖🎄❄💖

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Runaan's Last Secret

*smokes bubble pipe* I suppose you're wondering why I've gathered you all here today. It is simple, mes amis. We've waited six years to find out what really happened inside King Harrow's chamber the night the assassins attacked. And with the release of S7, all these long years later, I finally have the last pieces of information I need to find the full truth.

We all thought there was a murder to solve in the king's chamber. But I'm here to tell you now, that is not the case.

Let us begin at the beginning and assemble our evidence:

The night Harrow died, Runaan tried to convince Rayla to give up the egg, tried to scare her off from returning it.

He couldn't sway her from her journey of redemption, though. They came to blows.

But he chose his mission over killing her. He wasn't even out of breath when they stopped fighting - if he'd truly wanted her dead, she'd be dead.

He left her behind and led four assassins up the front steps of the tower. There, he executed a frontal assault on the king's chamber, when they're built and trained for stealth.

The fight dragged on loudly. It drew extra soldiers from around the entire castle, who left their posts unguarded. But it had a purpose.

Delaying his own victory would cost lives on both sides, but clearing a path for Rayla to escape with two soft human princes in tow would ensure her survival. Runaan had already committed himself to this course when he refused to force her to complete the mission. He couldn't back out now.

Alright, that's the catch-up. For years, we had no idea what actually happened inside Harrow's chamber. But in S7, we finally got a peek. And I'm afraid it's told me everything I need to know. *more bubble pipe noises*

Let's consider these newer clues from S7:

When Runaan finally breached Harrow's door, two other assassins rushed in with him: Andromeda and Skor. Only Callisto, it seems, had fallen alongside Ram out in the hall.

Runaan drew his bow and killed Harrow - or so his binding ribbon believed -

- but the next we see -only moments later as the reinforcements have not yet arrived from below - only one assassin staggered out of that chamber and onto the balcony.

The other four members of the squad died in this battle, and their bodies were recovered by Viren, along with their weapons.

Which means, no one else survived that room. Only Runaan.

The assassins weren't attacked by human troops, either. Runaan had time to stagger out to the balcony at his hobbled pace. No guards caught up to him until he'd already shot the shadowhawk arrow.

When he burst into Harrow's chamber, this is what he was wearing.

When he left it, this was all he had.

Moonshadow assassins are some of the deadliest fighters in all of greater Xadia. No one survives them. No one.

No one... except Runaan of the Silvergrove.

Remember when I said we were not here to solve a murder in the king's chamber? That is because we are here to solve several murders in the king's chamber.

He turned on them.

Runaan turned on what remained of his own squad - Skor and Andromeda. He killed them. For Rayla.

They wanted Rayla dead. In the show, they believed she should die alongside them. In the novelization Book One: Moon, they specifically wanted Runaan to kill her for failing to do her duty. Either way, if any one of Runaan's squad survived and returned to the Silvergrove to report what Runaan had done - and had not done - when his mission went pear-shaped, he would've had to kill Rayla then and there. Right in front of Ethari.

And that, mes amis, he could not abide. He could not bear to be the monster he feared he had always been, right where his husband could see him.

And so, his only remaining option was for his surviving assassins to perish in battle, with their own honor intact and his in tatters. But they went down hard.

They broke Runaan's horn. They stripped off his tunic. They nearly cut his throat. They messed up his hair. Oui, the most unforgivable.

They wanted to live. Runaan did not allow them to.

He trained them all. He loved them.

And he killed them, to save Rayla's life.

For love of Rayla, his precious daughter, Runaan of the Silvergrove killed his own assassins.

It is no wonder he could not look Keeper Lyrennus in the eye when the man asked Runaan about his son.

He's drowning in guilt. He knows what he did. Even though Ram died from another's strike, Runaan knows he would have killed him himself if he'd had to.

This image of Runaan's fear at the sight of the red spirit Lyrennus cast, it lands differently now, no?

He hasn't told them. Perhaps he never will. But he has committed this sin nonetheless, and he must carry it with him for the rest of his life.

Runaan's last and darkest secret. No wonder he accepted Callum the moment he turned against Ezran and fought his own soldiers for Rayla's sake. He knows exactly what that feels like.

[t00thpasteface]

OH MY GOD THE BOOPS ARE BACK. sorry in advance for the person i'm about to become. reply to this post if you've opted in and would let me farm boops on your blog!!

or wait are there even badges this time???

[balladofbells]

Mastermind.

“Golden sunlight” . . .

‘Amber eyes that look gold in the light due to his angel blood.’ + ‘Jace is left-handed and can play the piano.’ — (Jace Herondale’s Wiki)

[born-in-neverland03]

It's not just the obvious hate Rio holds against Evenora because she defently knows of things she did to Agatha or how she was hurt for Agatha too when her mother told her she was born evil. It's also this:

The way Agatha only moved again in the moment her mother started to focus on Rio. The whole time she didn't thought of moving. She stood up there, where she had a safe distance between herself and her mother. But when Evenora began to walk/float towards Rio, she almost immediately went down the stairs. She was ready to face her former abuser and wanted her mother to focus on her rather than let her anywhere near Rio.

[dont-let-me-eat-pears]

4x02

[calexinred]

I'll never get over episode 5, as heartbreaking as it is, it remains one of my favourites. For example, how protective Rio was of Agatha, especially when she stood up to her mom. Or how, when Evanora rushed at Rio, Agatha came down the stairs. And then when Evanora straight-up told Agatha she wished she’d killed her at birth—total opposite of what Agatha wanted with Nicky. It was something not even Death herself wanted to do. Still, she allowed their destined-to-be stillborn son, to live.. I'll never move on from them.

Darkest Hour / Wake Thy Power - 1x05 - Agatha All Along

[renegadesstuff]

NO ONE TOUCHES HER WIFE 😩🤍