#the darkest hours

[foxoftheninetails]

Sometimes I think I played the first chunk of my life on easy mode. I always got away with everything, I had money in my pocket that I earned, even when shit was bad at school I always skated by.

I met Kenna, and we were joined at the hip. We got married, and we moved to New York. Even when money was tight, we always managed to make something work. I was happy, I think. Because I ignored how I felt inside, just suppressed it.

Things were good. I had a very well paying job, we finally had our own place, we werent just surviving, we were thriving and healing.

Then I got fired, and it feels like every day has been a struggle. I decided fuck it, time to do some personal growth, and I learned how to unmask. Imagine being so diligent, so efficient at masking, you have to unlearn how to do it. You have been so afraid of being your true self for so long, you don't even recognize yourself anymore.

Dont get me wrong, I love my partner and my friends with all my heart. They are true, genuine bright spots in my life. But everything outside of them is so dark. I hate how weak I've become, that the smallest thing puts me in bed for days. I feel sick all the time, I can't find motivation for anything but spending time with my friends.

And if I think someone is upset with me? Even over something small? Who needs sleep anyway? Every time I fuck up, the first place my head goes is: they're going to abandon you, just like every other person you cared about. You're going to be all alone, and no one will care. So get out ahead of it. Push them away first, go cold again. You don't need them, you got along fine on your own.

I hate myself for it. Because now, I fight back. I swallow my pride and I reach out. And it's never serious, they always tell me what the problem is, and we talk it out. But I'm such a whipped fucking puppy, I go through anxiety for hours or days before I work up the courage.

What if this time, I'm wrong. What if this time they really are tired of dealing with my bullshit. I'm headstrong, I dont listen, I get wrapped up in my own shit. I am hard to be friends with. What happens then?

I'm so tired of being scared of being abandoned. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a constant disappointment to everyone around me. I'm so tired of feeling sick, and scared. I'm so tired of pulling everyone down around me with my depression and drama.

All I want is for my friends to see me online and get happy. I want my partner to come home and feel warmth and welcome. I want to be a better person instead of just slipping right back into shitty habits. Every day this keeps going, every day I dont get better, I question if I'm even worth it anymore. Just keep disappointing everyone until they all leave, get rid of me and live better lives. Then I can get some shitty little job that makes me miserable, and go back to living with my dad and being miserable, and isolating myself so I stop plaguing everyone. Then I can be the genuinely shitty person I know I am deep down, and I'll hate myself for it, but at least I can stop hurting the people I care about.

[balladofbells]

This is going to stay with me forever

[chocolatehouse]

We deserved more Lancelot and Merlin doing manic interactions!! We were robbed

Look at the way Merlin is shrugging when Lance sees him light the fire w magic in front of the knights without them noticing, look how proud Lance is!! This episode (s04e02 the darkest hour pt2) is peak Merlin and Lancelot, bbc saw that and put an end to it. They deserved better. We deserved better

[renegadesstuff]

THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER WHEN THE OTHER DOESN'T KNOW IT 🥹🤍

[clanslist]

[born-in-neverland03]

It's not just the obvious hate Rio holds against Evenora because she defently knows of things she did to Agatha or how she was hurt for Agatha too when her mother told her she was born evil. It's also this:

The way Agatha only moved again in the moment her mother started to focus on Rio. The whole time she didn't thought of moving. She stood up there, where she had a safe distance between herself and her mother. But when Evenora began to walk/float towards Rio, she almost immediately went down the stairs. She was ready to face her former abuser and wanted her mother to focus on her rather than let her anywhere near Rio.

[marril96]

Yes, mommy.

[weaponizedducks]

jesus fucking christ they were really writing that subtext with a neon pink highlighter weren't they

[coline7373]

"For Life and Light."

Pffffiuuuuu... I didn't thought I would finish it in time but I did! *fist pump*

Just in time to thank the @codywanfirstkissbingo 's mods for such lovely prompts and to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and/or Winter's Holidays!!!!!!!!!

Big love sent to everyone!!!

💖❄🎄💖🌞💖🎄❄💖

[t00thpasteface]

OH MY GOD THE BOOPS ARE BACK. sorry in advance for the person i'm about to become. reply to this post if you've opted in and would let me farm boops on your blog!!

or wait are there even badges this time???

[dont-let-me-eat-pears]

4x02

[balladofbells]

Mastermind.

“Golden sunlight” . . .

‘Amber eyes that look gold in the light due to his angel blood.’ + ‘Jace is left-handed and can play the piano.’ — (Jace Herondale’s Wiki)

[blip-blip-blop]

"You don't have to sacrifice yourself," he says, and his eyes beg his King to hear the silent pleas let me take your place, arthur, please, because you are my destiny and camelot isn't my home without you and i was born to serve you, arthur, until the day i die and please let me save you one last time

[vargesz]

[renegadesstuff]

NO ONE TOUCHES HER WIFE 😩🤍

[rosalie-starfall]

Agatha All Along

Darkest Hour / Wake Thy power