#the consequences of my house mate moving out and me living actually alone for a week

[kimmkitsuragi]

im not a serious person at all bc rn I'm like "owwww look at me eating breakfast and cleaning the house (like a normal functioning person) yeahhh im doing saur good" like

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3

[raggaraddy]

Lessons learned

Summary: When you break his rules Namjoon isn't going to let you go unpunished.

Trigger warnings: Spanking, groping, emotional manipulation, yandere themes, abuse.

Namjoon

Yandere!Namjoon Alpha!Namjoon

"Sorry. My fault. I told him that you said I could." You mewl sheepishly, batting your eyes up at Namjoon. You had just wanted some time to yourself. You know that he doesn’t like it when you walk through the forest alone, but recently you were craving the beauty of nature with the peace and quiet of solitude. And today you had someone new as your watcher. Someone young. Someone who wouldn’t know very well what you were and were not allowed to do.

Watching now as the boy cowers from the rage in Namjoons voice, you feel endlessly guilty for having taken advantage of him.

“Alpha, I-” The boy starts.

"Who told you to speak?" Namjoon emits a chesty growl leaving him wide-eyed and frightened. When Joon is in this his pack leader mode even you can feel the potency and power in his tone, you can only imagine how one of his wolves feels it.

Seeing the panic in the young man, Namjoon lightens his response. He breathes once fully in and out to settle himself.  "I do understand that this was simply a slip of judgment. I am annoyed at the events, but I am not angry at you. Now go home. We will talk about this later,"

The boy, still too nervous to speak, nods his head quickly and scurries out the front door.

Now alone together in your house, Namjoon turns his full attention to you. His chest is already puffed out, his stance strong and solid.

“Y/n. Why do I put people in place to watch you while I am not here?” He questions sincerely looking for your answer. You know why, but you don’t really like the system of being guarded and don’t want to reply and validate his actions. So you only shrug.

He sighs. Rolling his neck, relaxing his shoulders, he scratches his neck. "Beautiful, I have people watch you not because I like the fact that others are with you while I am not here, and not because I want to crowd or smother you, but because I want you to be safe.” Gently his hands take yours, the ferocity he had with the boy having disappeared now that he was dealing with you. Leading you with him to sit on the couch he has a soft calming smile on his face. “You are my Mate and you are vulnerable. If something were to happen to you because I was careless or gave into your ill-considered demands, how could I bear to live with myself.”

His explanation has you feeling even more guilty than you already were. You weren't meaning to get the young man in trouble and you didn’t mean to make Joon worry. You just wanted to feel the breeze and sunlight coming through the grass and the trees.

“I’m sorry Joon.” You pout.

“I know you are Beautiful.” He brushes back the hair from off your face, tucking it behind your ear. The backside of his fingers tenderly caresses your cheek giving you warm signals of his love. “But I can not just allow this behaviour to go unaddressed.”

You jut your lip out and whine quietly.

You lied. You went out on your own. And you didn’t tell him where you were going. You broke a lot of rules and you already know where this is going. 

“There are rules to keep you protected Y/n. And there are consequences when you do not follow those rules.” He softly reminds you. Sitting back on the sofa a little, he flattens his legs and pats them lightly calling you into place. “Come on Beautiful.”

You whimper puffing air out your nose, but follow his gesture laying your torso on his lap, resting over his legs. Leaning your elbows on his hard thigh you push yourself a bit more upright.

Slowly and softly his fingertips run up and down your bare thigh and rub your ass through your denim shorts. You are very thankful to have a thicker material on right now.

"Do you understand why I have to do this Y/n?"

You want to say no, but you've argued about this before and you always lose. Still, you can't bring yourself to actually say yes, so you just nod.

"Thank you Beautiful." He coos. His large hand smacking down at the same moment. Your head flicks back and you yelp at the sudden pain, already bucking up and struggling out of place.

With an intentional lifting of one of his legs he makes you fall further over his lap, raising your ass a few inches higher. Hanging you half on the couch with his hand pressed to your back to keep you down.

Alternating between both sides of your butt, Joon strikes, again and again, getting several hard smacks in before your legs start to kick and patter from the intensifying pain. Each blow is a mix of a sharp sting and a heavy thud.  The swift smacks have you squealing, fingers digging into the fabric of the lounge, and biting your lip harshly to quiet the more vocal cries that risk falling out.

Namjoon's hand aims lower and he slaps once on the soft skin of your upper thigh. That one hit shocks you and really, really stings, it breaks any attempt you had at suppressing your tears. You break into a sob, hiccuping and panting as you try to press against his hold and push from his thighs to get yourself upright. Tears starting to drip down your face rolling over your bitten lip.

Effortlessly, his forearm keeps you from standing up. As his hand makes contact again with your thigh the cooler air of the room swarms around the heated marks making them throb. The pain of each hit morphing from a sting to a deep bruising ache.

“Stop. Stop. No more.” you cry, now fighting with effort to get loose. “I don't like it. It hurts.” He shuffles his legs breaking your balance. Wrapping his hand around your side and digging his fingers into you to dampen your fight, he slaps you again, this time harder. His wordless warning to stop resisting.

"Do you think that I enjoy having to do this Y/n?" He asks gently, stopping for a moment to rub small soothing circles over your butt. 

Unable to move you give in and collapse your weight letting yourself dangle. You know he is strong enough to both hold you still and hit you. He's done it before and you believe 100% that he'd do it now.

"Yes." You mutter with a sniff.

He bursts out a short sharp laugh at your sulky tone and your sour comment. "Well, I would be lying if I said that you wriggling in my lap didn't turn me on a little. But that's your fault. You've got such a fine ass." He chuckles swatting you lighter and more playfully, the motion turning into a firm grope.   

"I don't want anymore. I'm sorry. I've learned my lesson, I promise." You continue to cry, trying to reason or barter your way free. 

"No Y/n. You're not done yet." He says sincerely. His open hand trails under the bottom of your shorts, his fingers feeling cool against the radiating heat of your skin. He squeezes your ass again, digging into the bruised and tender muscles causing you to yelp and whine while you unavailingly try to wriggle away. "You can cry all you like. You can hate this all you like, but I am not going to stop until the reminder is firmly printed on your ass. In a week from now when you still can't sit down without it hurting, then you can tell me you've learnt your lesson."

His hands come out of your pants and his forearm slides up along your shoulder blades, tipping you over further, lifting your butt higher still. "Joon," You coo his name to plead for leniency with a high tone and a sniffle.

"No. Now behave and don't fight me Beautiful." He smacks again with a warm chuckle. Your claim that he enjoyed it had brought his attention to how you rubbed and grinded against his lap in reaction to every strike. "The more you do, the longer I make this last. Then again," he laughs, "you're right, I am kind of starting to enjoy this." Lifting up as much as you can you look back over your shoulder and up to him with wide eyes. Focusing down at you he has a small satisfied smile on his face. He slaps your ass again, smiling a little bigger as you struggle and squirm. "So if you do want to keep fighting, I can make this last all night."

[kiara-w]

RaccoonInnit. (a Rewind one-shot?)

This a ficlet based on the fanfic Rewind by @a-non-ymouswriter, and exploring what if Tommy and Tubbo were hybrids in the Rewind universe. Especially with Tommy being very clingy because of trauma.

TW (Trigger warning) for emotional abuse, manipulation and mention of self-harm.

Wanna read more?

Apologies for any grammar errors, english is not my first language.

—————

Hybrids.

They come in many shapes and sizes, including different abilities that help with survival. But with every advantage comes a disadvantage, or a necessity to keep living.

And for Tommy Innit, there was one necessity that always made him feel ashamed.

He isn’t clingy, at least not all the time. But when spring is over, and the leaves start to fall, holding on to precious things is necessary to feel at ease and ready for the dangerous seasons. It's something that raccoon hybrids often do, hug their family or friends tightly at a young age to feel protected, and then offer protection when they reach adulthood.

If he could change one thing about his life, it would be that.

********

"You too, huh?" Dream asks awkwardly, Theo's head is buried in one of his shoulders with his arms close around his body.

Tobias is in front of him, his eyes look away and he doesn't give him an answer. He only pulls Tommy closer to him, even though the boy is already clutching his left arm very strongly.

Sapnap and George try not to laugh next to him, but the other people around don't find the situation as funny as they do. They are supposed to have a meeting after all. And both Tobias and Dream manage to sit with the two people still clinging to them.

Well, this will be difficult. He thinks as he notices how Theo closes his grip a little more tightly and hears faintly the sound of a growl. But he is not upset by it.

The thing that made him upset was finding out that Theo had hidden that need from them. George had been the first one to notice him a little distant, but by the time they really thought something was wrong, they found the man curled up in his bed around blankets, ears twitching, ringtail bristling, and awfully whimpering.

None of them were animal hybrids, but that doesn't mean they couldn’t have asked, that's why Dream was angrier at himself when he demanded Theo for an explanation.

"I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable." His protege had said with a low gaze and clearly embarrassed.

After hearing that, Dream didn't hesitate to give permission to be hugged.

********

Tobias feels angry.

He is feeling a lot of things actually. Happy being hugged by Tommy, frustrated at the sight of Dream with Theo, and hurt by seeing the aggressive look in the eyes of his old best friend. Unlike Tommy in his arms, who almost seemed to be sleeping with a faint smile.

But I deserve that look, don't I? He remembers one day, very long ago, when Theo asked him with an embarrassed face if he could hug him for the rest of the day. What was his response?

"I don't think that’s a good idea, we have a meeting discussing your situation, remember?" George's house had been burned and Dream had asked for consequences. "Besides, it would look embarrassing."

But by the time he saw the dirt pillar reaching the sky, he wished nothing more than to be able to hold Tommy one more time and never let go. He would've been more clingy than his friend would’ve ever needed.

And then Dream showed up with him. The strike of anger and jealousy that he felt during the winter days after, thinking of how his friend would hug that smug bastard looking for safety.

That mental picture always made him regret so many things.

********

Dream knew exactly what to do when Tommy, face red and looking down, grabbed his hoodie in silence.

In the free time he got between his visits to Logstedshire, he had read a lot of things about raccoon hybrids. How they tend to be aggressive towards people they distrust, how they used to find small places to sleep often away from big groups of people, how needy they could become during cold days.

He hugged the boy, moving himself and Tommy to the small tent to avoid the rain.

Sitting in the bed, he stroked the boy's hair and ears, and he noticed small sobs coming from him.

"Why?" Tommy's voice sounded hurt, but he didn't move away. "Why do I only have you?"

Dream only pulled him closer. "Because I'm your friend, Tommy." and the boy only cried more.

They stayed like that for quite a while, until Tommy's breathing got slower. What started with him clutching Dream's hoodie, ended with him hugging the man during his sleep.

After that, hugging Dream became a habit during the rainy days.

********

Tubbo woke up with a jolt when he heard a clap of thunder. The hard sound made an echo in the presidential office.

It was raining a lot those days. But as he looked at the window, a sudden fear rose up inside him as he remembered something. He almost collided with Ranboo as he exited the room.

"Tubbo? Wha- What's wrong? Are you-"

"I need to go to Tommy." He quickly walked past him.

"Tommy?" Ranboo's voice was close to a whisper. But he hurried up to follow him. "Why do you want to see him?"

Tubbo tried to ignore how soft the voice of the hybrid had turned. "It's raining. He gets clingy when it's cold and he needs someone to hold onto."

That's when Ranboo blocked his way, meters before he could get to the front door. "Step away, please." Tommy needed him, but the tall man grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Tubbo, he is- You can't go see him."

"Why not?" His voice grew louder and he felt irritated as he took one step forward. "He can't come back, but that doesn't mean I can't go to him. Let me through!"

"I'm not letting you go there, Tubbo." His tone was firm. After all, if he exited the building, Ranboo wouldn't be able to follow.

But goat hybrids are stubborn, especially when something is standing in their way. His horns tackled Ranboo's chest strongly, but his tall friend didn't move.

"I need to see him Ranboo!" He put all his strength into trying to push him. "I shouldn't have exiled him! He is all alone, don't you get it?!" Tubbo tried to ignore the tears running down his cheeks. "Wilbur- he's gone, Phil and Techno are not here either. I- I'm the only he can..."

He dropped to his knees as Ranboo held him close. "He is too proud to admit it. He- He bites himself to try to avoid asking. He did that a lot in Pogtopia."

"I- I know. You told me."

"Please, let me go."

"I can't."

"Why?..." How did he forget the answer?

"Tubbo," Ranboo embraced him, his voice sounding choked as well. "He's gone."

********

Philza turned around when he felt his cape being pulled.

They'd just finished their part of the outing and his son stood behind him with that horrible smiling mask covering his face.

"Tommy?" he talked to him in the softest tone he could, like treating a small animal that could flee at any second.

It was strange when Dream left Tommy with Phil for the mission of the day, and it was even stranger that his son had started a contact after being silent for months. He missed his voice, louder than Techno’s and warm like Wil’s. Ender, he missed him so much. Even so, he tried to hide the hope in his words. "Do you need something?"

Just let me hear you. Talk to me, please. But the boy didn't answer, his ears were down and his ring tail moved slowly. "We're close to the base, I know you want to wait for Dream but it's getting cold-"

He stopped as Tommy’s head hit Phil's chest weakly, and his hand grabbed part of his robe.

It's something that raccoon hybrids often do.

Philza couldn't resist a fond smile.

He realized that his hands were shaking when they rose up to touch the boy’s hair, and he caressed his ears as gently as he could.

Closing his eyes, forcing some painful memories away, he remembered his younger boy's face, blue eyes with a shy and pleading look to be held. He remembered the warmth of holding him during the rainy days when he was little. And when he remembered how Tommy called him dad a long time ago, Phil's eyes started to tear up.

His arms hugged Tommy strongly. Avians had instincts too. Wrap their loved ones in their wings it served to provide, or in his case, feel comfort. And so his black wings surrounded his son in a tight embrace as he breathed in the boy's hair.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Forgive me, please don't go. He wanted to scream those words but for some reason, he couldn't. He felt Tommy shaking and his grip tightened a little bit more.

He didn't want to let go, no if it meant the boy going back with Dream.

He could kill him, he thought. Once Techno came back, they could end with the nightmare that surrounded them and his son would finally be safe.

But his thoughts of hope were interrupted when he noticed how Tommy was struggling under him. And he barely managed to avoid the swing of the ax directed at his heart.

"Tommy?! What-?" The boy was crying away from Phil. Tears dropped below the mask, he listened to ugly breathing as Tommy hyperventilated, his tail moved aggressively and he heard a growl coming from him.

He forgot that Tommy was claustrophobic.

"Mate, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

Tommy's ears moved quickly to the side and his head turned. Dream was walking towards them with Techno next to him. And before he noticed, the boy ran towards the other masked man and tackled him into a hug.

Could he really call himself Tommy's father? Shame and frustration filled his broken heart as he watched Tommy being petted by the man he hated. "It's fine, Toms. I'm here." Dream seemed ignorant of the deadly looks he got from him and Techno. "We took longer than we thought, but I knew you could hold on."

As sick as Dream’s games were, that was the moment Phil started to question if he really deserved to have Tommy back.

********

Technoblade thought that Tommy was running at him.

It was a foolish thought, the voices told him, but it still hurt. He would've asked what happened, but when he saw Phil's look of regret and frustration, he could get an idea.

Especially when it also happened to him a few weeks ago. The last rains started to become poisonous to every living thing that wasn't crimson. Lucky for them, the most basic armor could offer protection, but the durability would drop quickly.

And because of that, he, Tommy, and Dream were waiting for the rain to pass inside some caves next to a mountain.

The green man went deep, looking for coal to make torches in case mobs would spawn in the dark. That left the piglin hybrid with Tommy. The raccoon boy curled up against a wall, hugging his legs with his mask covering his face.

And he sat next to him. Not too close to touch, but enough to notice the boy shaking, the fur on his ring tail was bristling as well.

"I'm here, you know." He told him. Just like his father, he had noticed the way the boy fiddled with his tail and tried to hide his ears in his hoodie. "We don't have to talk, and I won't hug you back if you don't want to."

In the past, when Tommy's pride got the worst of him, Techno would always tell Wilbur or Phil. It was his way of compensating for the fact that he didn't like that kind of physical contact.

But at that moment, he was more than willing to let Tommy hold him as much as he needed to, even if it would take all of his strength not to hug back, even if the boy despised his existence, and even when he knew that he had lost all right to call Tommy his brother. He wanted to be there for him.

But the raccoon hybrid kept quiet. Only when he looked at him he realized that he was sleeping. Shivering, but his breathing was slow.

"Tech, I'm cold." He frowned at the memory. The voices began to speak louder, demanding that he give some warmth.

Techno's eyes stared at him softly. Despite not being sixteen anymore, Tommy still looked so small next to him. His arm surrounded him, but before making contact, another memory came.

Suddenly, it was not the boy resting anymore, he was curled up on the floor, shaking, blood dripping from his nose, and with several bruises on his face.

"It stays in the pit."

His hand backed off immediately. A wave of quiet anger filled his mind. Some of the voices were cruel to remind him of that sight.

Blue eyes saw him with anger once. And then again in a plain, in a little refuge whose name Techno had already forgotten. Tommy looked at him that way when he mocked his pain. And that look would be engraved in his heart for the rest of his days, he wouldn't forget.

How could he? When the boy's face was getting hard to remember recently, always covered in a mask and staying silent.

Technoblade felt the most pain at the thought of forgetting Tommy's face.

He stood up and left his cape around the boy carefully. He walked until he reached the exit of the caves. It was still raining, so he leaned on one of the walls and watched the raindrops slowly kill everything.

He breathed, ordering his thoughts and calming every single voice. Their mission wasn't over. The best thing he could do was not lose his focus.

A few minutes later, he heard footsteps behind him, and the smiling mask appeared in his vision. Dream held his cape in front of him.

It was a single second of confusion. He grabbed the cape and the masked man spoke, making Techno's rage rise once again.

"Don't show compassion now, Technoblade. You once told him to die, and I pushed him to keep living."

Dream went back to the caves without expecting an answer, leaving him alone with the screaming in his head, every voice demanding blood, and never getting the satisfaction.

Techno liked to consider himself a calm individual, able to control his emotions better than others. But the voices called him a hypocrite when he pictured all the ways he could kill the masked man beside him.

********

Tobias blinks a couple of times when he feels a movement by his side.

And he almost screams seeing Theo clutching part of his shirt, eyes closed, and sleeping very peacefully over his shoulder.

For a second he considers the possibility of him dreaming, but he remembers entering Tubbo's house just minutes ago, he sat on the big couch feeling tired, and he didn't hear Theo come in.

He must be waiting for him. He recalls Dream asking Theo to wait since there were other matters to be discussed. And Tommy had gone with Tubbo to do other things as well.

A little part of him feels sad that he can't stop time at this very moment. But a warm feeling fills him as well, and he closes his eyes getting closer to the body beside him.

Just like raccoon hybrids often hug their family or friends.

He smiles. Theo can kill him later, he wants to enjoy the moment a little more.

—————

Man, this was a long one. You could say this is a bunch of ficlets into one? I dunno I just wanted to write something sad.

[kindlyones]

Diary of Baldwin Montclair

Diary of Baldwin Montclair

Dear Diary,

I haven’t written in you in quite some time! But I found you in my hiding place at Sept Tours and I have a lot on my mind and would like to organise my thoughts. No one has managed to crack the code Pater and I devised when he orchestrated the death of Caesar, so I feel safe enough confiding in you.

What’s bothering me today is the continued pattern of “vampire murders” in the news. I hope to the Gods it isn’t Matthew. He seems happy enough holed up in his laboratory. Miriam swore to look after him and she would speak up if something were really wrong.

Strong armed Knox into giving a statement to the press saying there was nothing supernatural about the murders. He seems more receptive to Gerbert than myself, so I had to convince Gerbert to approach him. Gerbert gave me the go around, but eventually agreed to do it, as if our entire way of life didn’t depend on this.

Dear Diary,

Saw an advert for some Hercules musical production on Broadway. Thinking about Pater. I wonder if he really thought of Matthew as his son?

Dear Diary,

Saw Katerina. Feeling much more relaxed. I’m keeping an eye on China today. Looking into steel futures.

Dear Diary,

I’m in London. It rained a lot and now my house smells odd. I shall need to call someone to check for mould.

Dear Diary,

There is mould in my wine cellar. I repeat, there is MOULD in MY WINE CELLAR. As the youths on Twitter say, this is not a drill. I need to call in a specialist. My London wine collection cannot simply be moved as if they were bottles of Coca Cola.

Dear Diary,

I refitted my Thames penthouse for my most precious and delicate bottles of wine. Going to bid on the ‘45 Romanee-Conti from Drouhin’s cellar. I drank the last one when I thought it was at a risk of mould. Matthew sent me an email about it. He likes me to know he still has spies watching me.

Dear Diary,

Mixed news today. I got the ‘45 Romanee-Conti, but some cunts from China drove up the price and I had to pay $558,000 in USD. Absurd that I have to pay that much after all I did to set up trade routes to introduce wine to France in the first place. Everyone keeps asking me what I’m going to do with it. Obviously, I am going to drink it by myself while I pull my hair out over Matthew’s latest drama. He has abducted a witch. I can’t contact him. Everyone looking to me for answers, as if I understand one ounce of what’s in that libertine’s brain.

Dear Diary,

It is so much worse. He didn’t abduct her. They are in love. Marcus claims they are mating. He is usually reliable, but barely over three hundred. What the fuck does he know. Going to Sept Tours. The witches are very keen to speak to this woman, so I’m going to use her as a bargaining chip to stop them from seeking retribution against Matthew. They get their witch and Matthew gets to live another day to ruin my life yet again. Everyone is hell bent on some mythical quest involving the Book of Life. As if. I remember when we didn’t even have books, we had scrolls and tablets. If it were that important, it would be written in stone, like all important documents. How could a book tell us about something that happened thousands of years before I was born? If he had wanted to know of our origins, he should have spent more time with Pater. I saw more in his blood than any “book” could ever tell me.

Dear Diary,

What the actual fuck. I went to get the Bishop witch from Sept Tours, aka MY HOUSE on MY LANDS that I earned from TWO THOUSAND YEARS OF SERVICE TO MY FATHER AS HIS ONLY SURVIVING SON only to find she had already been taken by a flying witch. Why do I even bother showing up for Congregation meetings if this is what is achieved. Matthew was flailing. I had to talk him through it and remind him that witches don’t fly that far and he built most of the castles in the area himself. Finally we ended up pulling the witch out of an oubliette in the Cantal. No one was guarding her. Extremely suspicious. There is nothing particularly special about her. She can barely do magic. I suspect she might be spellbound, but she doesn’t seem insane enough. The best and easiest course of action would be to simply eliminate her from the board, as it were, but Ysabeau managed to find some semblance of her old terrifying self and put her petite foot down. I gave the witch the best advice I could and left. She is even less of a strategist than Matthew. If she listens to me, perhaps she will have a chance. Perhaps I should have just left and let her get herself killed, but Pater made me promise to protect the family when he made me paterfamilias and that includes Matthew. At least the witches’ trespass on de Clermont land has given the Congregation something else to talk about and now they no longer have the moral high ground as the injured party.

Dear Diary,

I am tired of everyone acting like being the de Clermont family head is something I just love doing. Like I want to be up in everyone’s personal business, managing them like children. Pater gave me a job to do. Pater never gives easy jobs, least of all to me. Wonder how long before the killing starts.

Dear Diary,

Thinking of Eva. I always thought I would see her again before I died. Does she think I didn’t pay dearly for what I did? Does she think I am not still paying for it now? I live under the weight of the consequences of my actions every day. I wrote her an email and deleted it before I sent it. She is in America now, close to New York. I wonder if she ever comes into the city.

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s started, and first on the docket is ME. Had to vote against my own execution today. That’s a first. They wanted to behead me and burn me, presumably still alive. Why did we never update that part of the charter? I’m going to replace the librarian with someone I can trust. That was too close for comfort.

Dear Diary,

Matthew and the witch have vanished. I am trying to locate them. Had the damnedest time getting into the Bishop house. No matter which way I turned, it kept showing me to the door. Regardless, I found no trace of them leaving the property recently. If I can’t follow them, at least no one else can.

Dear Diary,

Matthew must be enjoying playing the Boy Scout for his witch because there has not been a whiff of them anywhere. Where could they possibly be, the caves of Afghanistan? I would very much like to speak with them about whatever developments they’ve made with the Book of Life. If it will restore witches to their former power, I don’t want anyone else having it.

Dear Diary,

I dyed my hair grey. I must be having some sort of crisis. It’s nice to look somewhat as old as I feel. These past few months have aged me more than the last hundred years. I’ve taken to wearing all black. I have a right to be a bit angsty. I can’t even manage to lead the way Pater did on my own for a measly hundred years without our entire way of life falling apart as well as the legacy of our family. I keep asking myself what he would do. People obeyed his orders because they loved him. Nobody loves me. Philippe was everyone’s hero, and when I do exactly as he did, I’m a tyrant and a bully. Ysabeau told me she hated me to my face for the first time. I wish I could get drunk but it’s really not the time. I could be needed at a moment’s notice. They don’t love me, but they still need me. And I made Pater a promise.

Dear Diary,

Bloody Marcus is the head of the Knights of Lazarus. The child takes part in a single revolution and thinks he is some beacon of hope to the world. Meanwhile, the vampire murders have stopped. I really hope it isn’t Matthew. That would be the last thing we need right now. I am a veteran of hundreds of wars, let alone battles. I should lead the Knights. Marcus wasn’t even alive when there were knights. He isn’t a knight. He just plays at one.

Dear Diary,

My house has been overrun with daemons and witches. I try to turn up at unexpected times to see if I can catch them plotting against me. The revolution is being fomented from inside my own house. No word on Matthew.

Dear Diary,

Gallowglass and Fernando have materialized. Verin is headed for Sept Tours for the first time since Pater. My jet is fueling up and I am on my way home. The family isn’t gathering without me for no reason. I will gather them all together and exercise my rights as head of family and make them tell me what is going on. This has gone on long enough.

[silverynight]

The eyes of a wolf

Newt knows there's something different about the wolf the moment he sees him; he's injured and immediately bares his teeth at him as soon as the magizoologist tries to get closer to him.

"I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to help you," Newt mumbles even though he knows that doesn't work...

Except that this time it does. Before Newt can kneel in front of him and show him his neck in a gesture of submission, the wolf stops growling.

He's different and not only because of those mismatched eyes of his. No, he's intelligent. Perhaps a little bit too much for a simple wolf.

However, Newt doesn't have too much time to think about that because the wolf is bleeding, so he starts patching him up instead.

He seems to be fine; once the wound is all clean and Newt adds a bandage to it, the wolf looks a lot better. Although he knows it must've hurt and yet the creature doesn't move, he just stares at him while Newt gives his paw a few final touches.

"You'll be fine," Newt comments, standing up. "I'll try to find you in a couple of days to remove the bandage."

Even if the wolf gets desperate and removes it on his own, he'll be fine.

Newt starts walking back to the cabin where he's staying and he hears the wolf following him right behind.

"So... Do you want to come with me? That's okay."

There's something different about that wolf, his experienced mind whispers to him, but Newt decides to ignore it again.

Newt starts making tea as soon as he arrives and the wolf jumps over the couch and keeps watching him as he moves around the kitchen and the living room.

He doesn't know how his creatures will react to him, so he leaves him there after drinking a cup of tea and gets in his case to feed his babies.

The wolf is waiting impatiently outside and looks a bit desperate when Newt finally comes out.

"Are you hungry?"

He can't explain why, but he doesn't give him raw meat; instead makes something for himself and shares it with the wolf.

When Newt finally goes to his bedroom and the wolf climbs on the bed with him, the magizoologist chuckles, strokes him behind his ears and goes to sleep. The wolf's fur is really soft under his fingers.

The next morning Newt's alone in his bed again and thinks it's for the best.

However, the wolf comes back at night, every night, even after he gets better and Newt removes the bandage completely.

Pickett doesn't like him and has mentioned before there's something weird about him, but the wolf hasn't hurt any of them so Newt doesn't ask him to leave.

One day, during his morning walks in the woods, Newt runs into a group of poachers that are trying to catch an unicorn; he manages to escape with the injured beast, but he gets hurt in the process.

At night, when the wolf comes back to him, he notices and sleeps closer to him. It's sweet and it makes Newt smile.

But the night after that, the wolf comes back with blood on his fur and when Newt realizes it's not his, his mind immediately thinks this somehow has to do with the poachers.

"What did you do?" He asks as he cleans some of that blood.

The wolf just nuzzles his neck affectionately.

Theseus pays him a visit a couple of days later and the wolf immediately growls at him when he sees Theseus take Newt in his arms.

"You can't bare your teeth at my brother like that," Newt scolds. The wolf stops, but it's obvious he doesn't like anyone to get too close to the magizoologist.

His brother doesn't like that at all.

"There's something wrong with that wolf; he's possessive of you," he mumbles the next morning, ready to go back to London. "Leave it."

Newt knows Theseus right, but he doesn't like to leave any creature behind. Although, he knows the wolf definitely doesn't need him anymore.

He knows sometimes it's better to let a creature go.

However, that night, everything changes.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," he mumbles before going to sleep; the wolf is already on the bed, waiting for him. "I'm going to miss you."

Newt turns around to leave the case in the far corner of the room as always, when he hears the wolf jumping off the bed.

"I don't want to miss you, I want to go with you."

He turns around quickly; it says a lot about how much he's been thinking about how different that wolf is the fact that it doesn't surprise him to hear a voice behind himself or to find a naked man in his bedroom instead of the wolf.

What surprises him is that it's the dark lord himself, Gellert Grindelwald.

Those mismatched eyes should've been clue enough.

"Don't be afraid of me, Liebling. I'll never hurt you," Grindelwald takes a step closer to him.

"You're not an animagus... But you're not a werewolf either... Not completely," Newt says instead, staring directly at him.

No, he's not afraid of him.

"A mixture of the two," Grindelwald grins. "I've been experimenting throughout the years. I wanted to make myself stronger."

"I see," Newt mumbles, sadly. Reminding himself what Grindelwald wants to do with the muggles.

The dark lord takes his hand, before he can turn around.

"We belong together. I want you to be my mate," he says, looking desperate. "Please, Liebling. I love you."

"I think you're confu–"

"I know what I feel for you," Grindelwald cuts him off, taking his face in his hands.

Newt can't deny that he finds him quite attractive.

"We can't. We're on opposite sides."

"It doesn't have to be that way, we can save magical creatures together. Please, my love..."

They need time. He needs time to think about everything.

"I have to go." He mumbles watching as Grindelwald looks back at him in pain.

He regrets it the moment he sets a foot in China, but he can't go back now. Even though part of him tells him that the connection he felt with Grindelwald was real.

***

In Theseus's letters he finds out that Grindelwald has been attacking poachers and freeing magical creatures. Theseus doesn't understand it, but doesn't trust it either.

Even though it shouldn't make him happy, Newt smiles when he reads about it, he can't help it.

A few months pass and Newt starts wondering if they could have made things work somehow, if Grindelwald was actually willing to change...

Newt shakes his head and finally goes back to London and thinks that even if Grindelwald wants to change, he probably realized that Newt was not really perfect for him after all.

It's raining outside, Newt prepares to go to bed and convinces Pickett to sleep inside the case for once. But he hears a noise.

Having a strange feeling, he rushes towards the entrance and opens the door. Outside, a white wolf is sitting in the middle of the street and staring directly at his house.

Newt grins from ear to ear.

"Come inside."

Once in his living room, before Newt can close the door completely, Grindelwald has already turned into a man.

He's soaking.

"Let me–"

"I've missed you," he cuts him off. "So much it hurt me."

"Grindelwald..."

"Please, call me Gellert."

Newt can still feel the connection between them.

"You can stay with me if you want, Gellert."

"I've come to claim my mate," the dark lord says, putting both hands on Newt's waist.

The magizoologist shivers, but it's not because of fear or because Gellert is still wet.

"You can... I want to be your mate," Newt mumbles, blushing to the tip of his ears.

When Gellert kisses him, Newt can feel how much he's been waiting for that moment; it's like he's been starving this whole time.

"Maybe we should... Go to the b-bedroom," Newt stammers, shivering in Gellert's arms.

The dark lord grins, carrying Newt easily... And he must admit that he actually likes that a lot.

"I can't wait to mark you, Newton. To make you mine."

Newt knows he should think about his brother first, or the fact that Gellert is still hiding from MoM or MACUSA, but Newt can't wait anymore.

He'll think about the consequences later.

***

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[whenihaveyouromione]

When I Have You - Chapter 35

Read on Fanfiction.net or ao3 if you’d prefer!

Follow whenihaveyou.romione on Instagram. 

----

Chapter 35

“I’m going to miss this little place,” Ron said. 

“It was a good place,” Harry agreed, using his wand to lift the final suitcase into the pile of things that needed to be sent to Nottingham. “Small, but nice. Nice and cosy, I’d imagine.”

Ron nodded, looking around at the still-furnished flat he would be leaving behind in a few short minutes. He really had liked living here — not so much for the place itself, but because of what it meant. It was the first place he and Hermione had shared together. The first place they could call their own, even if it never truly belonged to them. They didn’t even own the furniture, yet… it had felt like theirs. 

He remembered the nights falling asleep with Hermione in his arms or waking up with her beside him. Or waking up to find her already up — on weekends still in her pyjamas and a pot of coffee already made; on work days, dressed and showered and nudging him to also get up lest he be late. 

There had been times where they had curled up together under a blanket on the sofa, talking and laughing, sometimes getting into petty arguments about one thing or another. Sometimes their talking would become intimate, and it’d lead to kissing, sex, or just straight up romance where they would fall asleep holding hands. 

The kitchen was where they cooked food — Ron learning how to cook out of necessity with Hermione’s crazy work hours. 

Even the bathroom held some memories — especially the times (as rare as they were) where Hermione wasn’t in a rush and she’d let him jump in the shower with her. 

Of course, he knew these things wouldn’t change in their new place, but there was something special about it being their first. 

But he also knew that their new house would create so many more memories over so many more years, and he was looking forward to the rest of his life living there — with the absolute love of his life. 

“I’m also keen to see what you’ve done with the new place since I saw it last, though,” Harry added. 

“Not much,” Ron confessed. “It didn’t need much work. Just the protective enchantments, really. So no peeping neighbours wonder why we never have to garden, or why there is smoke in the chimney all year round.” 

The biggest change they’d made in the last month of owning the house and not living in it had been purchasing all of their own furniture. They now had their own bed, their own sofas, their own table, their own kitchen appliances (which Ron was still getting the hang of). They’d gotten the keys in December, slightly before Christmas, and had spent the last six weeks preparing to move into it, all at the same time trying to enjoy their short break away from work, and spending time with family. 

But everyone had volunteered to pitch in to help — Harry and Ginny helping with the packing, Hermione’s parents even making the two and a half hour drive to help them with the furniture deliveries. Molly had cooked them a week’s worth of meals so they wouldn’t have to worry about it. 

And today was the day. January, and finally they were moving into their new house. 

“The two of you are taking a lot of huge steps together,” Harry said after a moment, and there was an element of pride in his voice. “You’re in this for the long haul, huh?”

Ron turned to Harry, about to ask where he’d been for the past almost three years, but stopped himself when he saw Harry’s mischievous grin. 

“Ha, ha, very funny.” 

Harry shrugged, and then put his arm across Ron’s shoulders. “It really is great. I love you guys, you’re my family, and as much as you drive each other crazy, it’s a good kind of crazy. I swear you argue less now that you're together than you did when you weren't. You really love each other.”

“More than anything,” Ron said. Over the years, talking about his feelings to Harry had become slightly easier. In fact, talking about his feelings in general had become easier the moment he could admit them to Hermione. He hadn’t even realised how much he’d been forcing himself to keep quiet, terrified of the consequences were he to admit that his feelings for one of his best friends really crossed those boundaries of friendship. 

But then she had kissed him, and his barrier had been dropped, completely punctured through. She loved him, too, and all of a sudden, he could tell her, and he could tell the world — including Harry, who really didn’t want to hear about it to begin with.

Now, Harry felt like their biggest supporter. As if he really did want them to last.

Ron laughed lightly. "You should have heard us the other day. Arguing about what sheets to get for our new bed. We couldn't agree and it took us an hour to decide. They thought we were mad, the people in the shops."

Harry also laughed and shook his head. "I'm not really surprised. You ready?"

Ron nodded. Everything was packed now. Hermione and Ginny had taken Crookshanks and their owl, Arwen, over to the new place already, along with some other things. All that was left were the suitcases filled with clothes and other little things that wouldn't fit anywhere else. 

"It'll be sad to have you guys a little further away," Harry said as they both lifted their wands at the remaining stuff.

"You're only a Floo call away,” Ron said. "And we've set up Apparition boundaries too, not too far from the house — we thought it would be weird if any neighbours saw you exit the house but not come in, so that way you can at least look as if you walked."

"You moving has made me think about it a bit," Harry said.

"What, move out of Grimmauld Place?" Ron asked, not entirely surprised by that news. Harry had always said it was temporary because he’d always hated it there.

Harry shrugged. "It was never a long term arrangement. And it's already been longer than I planned. And it's huge for just me and Ginny." He hesitated a moment after that, looking uncertainly at Ron. "You'd, um, be okay if I proposed to her soon, wouldn't you?"

"What?" Ron asked.

Harry suddenly looked very uncomfortable. It had been a long, unspoken agreement that small details of Ron and Hermione's relationship were allowed to be shared, but Harry and Ginny's was taboo. Ginny may have been okay gossiping with Hermione about her brother's sex life (even though Hermione was adamant that never happened), but it was not something Ron even wanted to think about, let alone hear about.

But that wasn't even what shocked him… or annoyed him. It was the fact that for once, Ron had hoped to be the first. 

"I mean… soon?" Harry said. "You'd be okay with it, right? If I asked her?"

Ron didn't say anything for a long while, his wand hanging limply in his hand. 

No, let me ask Hermione first, he wanted to say. For the love of Merlin just let me have this one. 

But who knew when that was going to be. With the house, and then the furniture, and then the probability of that damn car neither knew how to drive (granted, Hermione had decided to learn) he'd had to reduce his payments to fortnightly and with fewer Galleons. 

"Well," he said, keeping the bitterness from his voice as best he could, "I don't really have a say, do I?"

"But you're my best mate," Harry said, "and her brother. Your opinion matters."

"I'm okay with it," Ron said. "I mean, it's not like I'm surprised anyway. You just caught me off guard."

Ron thought he'd handled that very well. He smiled, genuine. Harry mistook it as an approval smile. 

"I know it weirds you out," he said.

"Not nearly as much as it used to," Ron said. "As long as we continue with the whole need-to-know basis, then it's all good. When do you plan to ask?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't actually know. It is only a recent thought I've had. Not for a while, I guess." 

Ron nodded again, smiling. "Well, congrats, mate. I'm happy for you. Hermione will be too. We'll have a celebration once it's over with."

"Over with?" Harry chuckled. "You make it sound like it's some lengthy procedure you want to get out of the way."

"Well… the thought of it is kind of terrifying, isn't it? I mean… there's always a chance they'll say no. They'll change their mind even if they’ve assured you they’ll say yes. That they'll say they don't actually want to get married."

Harry didn't say anything for a long while. Suddenly, he looked mildly terrified, causing Ron to feel guilty. "Obviously, that's not going to be your case!" he added hastily. "It's just… a thought."

"I guess I never thought about that," Harry said. "I mean, she is playing Quidditch, she's rarely home… do you think she'll have time to even get married?"

"I'm sure it would be a top priority, mate."

But Harry didn't look overly convinced, and the guilt hit Ron like a slap to the face. He hadn't meant to worry Harry. He'd just been expressing his own internal fears he'd been too uncomfortable to admit to himself until now. 

"Just ask her," he said after a moment. "It's not going to go badly. Trust me."

"I've never done this before," Harry said. He turned to Ron. "How do I do it? How do I ask?"

Although he’d never admit it, Ron felt rather put out that their conversation had turned to Harry talking about how he was going to ask Ginny to marry him. 

"I don't know," he said after a moment. "I would have told you if I'd done it, don't you think? I can’t even afford a stupid ring, so you’re asking the wrong person.”

"Ring?” Harry asked, looking at Ron with a stunned expression. “I'm sorry, what?" 

Ron went red. He hadn't meant to say that. "Nothing," he said quickly. “I mean… forget I said that.”

Harry raised an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest. “You have a ring?”

“Well… no,” Ron said, realising he’d already said too much. He may as well tell Harry the whole story. "That’s the thing. I went to… get one last year. In April. I was going to ask Hermione, but the ring I wanted to get was ridiculously expensive, so I've been paying it off each week. Well, fortnight since we got the house."

"You were going to ask Hermione to marry you?" Harry asked softly, apparently now more interested in Ron's story than his own romantic plight. 

"Yeah," Ron said. "I really wanted to do it right, too. But the shopkeeper won't give it to me until it's all paid off. It was supposed to be a year, so I'd have it this April, but with the house and everything, I've had to delay it a little longer. I probably won't get it until the following April at the rate it's going." He sighed again. "I was so ready to do it and everything; I'd even organised a whole romantic evening that I had to cancel because it was pointless otherwise. She was so confused. I think she realised what I was planning, and then I cancelled and… I don't know. She hasn't said anything about it. She hasn't said anything to you, has she?" 

Harry shook his head, shrugging. “Not a word. You mean to say, you’ve put it off for almost a year now?”

Ron nodded. 

Harry watched him for a moment. Then,“You're the biggest idiot I've ever met.” 

"Thanks," Ron muttered. 

"You're telling me you've been planning to marry her for almost a year, and the only thing holding you back is the fact that you decided to get her an engagement ring that is far too expensive?"

Ron shrugged. 

"She doesn't care about a stupid ring, mate. I can tell you that much."

Ron shrugged again. "It was the only one that felt right. I didn’t want to just get her any old one because it was cheaper. I chose that one before I knew the price and I knew it was right for her."

Harry laughed. "You're an idiot," he said again. "But while you're being an idiot, will you at least help me come up with a plan for Ginny? Seems you have some idea on what to do, which is more than me."

"Yeah," Ron sighed. "I'll help. Just don’t tell me the intimate details, will you? One of us may as well be getting married while the other is being an idiot."

Harry shook his head, still laughing. "I wonder if Hermione realises she's moving in with the biggest prat in the world."

Ron stuck out a leg to kick Harry.

"Is that any way to treat your future brother-in-law?" Harry asked.

"Careful," Ron warned. "I might just tell you I'm not okay with it."

"And I'd have to tell you that you were right — it's not really your decision, is it?"

They grinned at each other, and Ron felt glad that his friendship with Harry had stood the test of time and many, many obstacles. And that his best friend would one day be family for real. 

“We should actually get this stuff to the house,” Ron said, nodding at the pile of things they’d been tasked to transport. 

Harry nodded, and together, they Vanished the stuff to what would hopefully be the new place. Hermione had shown them the spell, becoming frustrated when they hadn’t managed it first go, muttering something about them going to make useless Aurors if they couldn’t manage a simple Vanishing charm. 

It felt like old times, like when they were back at Hogwarts and studying for exams. The only difference this time was rather than telling her to lay off them, Ron had pulled her towards him and kissed her. It had been the most effective measure in silencing her for the past few years. 

“Ready?” Ron asked, gripping Harry’s arm. Harry nodded, and Ron spun from the living room of the flat, landing a moment later in the living room of the new place…

...to a pile of suitcases and bags which had crash landed on the brand new coffee table he and Hermione had bought, causing one of the legs to snap.

Ron grimaced at the mess, and then looked up to where Hermione and Ginny were muttering about their uselessness in moving things.

“Well, how were we supposed to know where exactly it was going to land?” Ron argued as Hermione repaired the coffee table. “We couldn’t see.”

“I managed to get the other stuff in the correct places,” Hermione retorted. 

“Yes, well, we already know we aren’t as accurate with magic as you are. Rub it in, why don’t you?” Ron grumbled, shifting the bags and suitcases into the corner of the living room. “Where do these go, anyway?”

“Upstairs,” Hermione said. For a moment, Ron thought she was going to Vanish them up there herself, but when she didn’t move, Ron realised she wanted him to drag them up himself, probably as punishment for destroying their brand new table before they’d even officially moved in. 

“I’ll levitate them, at least,” Ron told her, to which she only raised an eyebrow. 

“A little help?” Ron said to Harry, who had been standing back slightly. 

Harry nodded, and they began levitating the objects, guiding them through the doors and upstairs. “She has a point, really,” Harry said on their way up. “We should be able to do that spell.”

“She’s just stressing as Hermione stresses in situations like this,” Ron said. “Everything has to go perfectly to plan.”

They let the bags fall onto the floor of the bedroom, where all that was there was a bed — made up and looking fresh and clean, and ready to be slept in. 

“Hermione?” Harry asked, nodding toward the duvet. It was a pale blue and white cover, which was one of the many small arguments they’d had about the decor of the house. Ron had not liked it, but then she had won the argument by stating she didn’t like the idea of Quidditch hoops in the garden, but she wasn’t telling him no to that.

So they had bought that one.

“Yeah,” Ron said. “I get the Quidditch stuff, she gets everything else in the house, and I’m okay with that. I really want the hoops.”

Harry chuckled. “Married life, I guess.”

“Not yet,” Ron reminded him. 

“As good as.”

“Yeah,” Ron said with a small smile. It was.

A moment later, Hermione and Ginny came into the room as well, laughing at the sight of Ron and Harry staring at the bed. 

“You moved a few bags and you’re contemplating taking a nap, are you?” Ginny said. 

“No,” Ron and Harry said together. 

“We were just commenting on the duvet,” Harry added. “It’s… nice.”

“A good thing you don’t have to sleep there then, isn’t it, Harry?” Hermione said. “Ron doesn’t like it either.” She looked at Ron, amused. “Mum and Dad just got here with a few extra little things we realised were missing this morning. Is everything gone from the other place?”

“Yep, it’s just the keys to pass on now. Where’s the cat and where’s the owl?”

“Crookshanks is exploring the garden, and I told Arwen she could stretch her wings.”

They made their way back downstairs and into the kitchen where Hermione’s parents were both standing by the bench. A pile of small bits and pieces sat atop it, and a bag full of groceries.

“We thought you might need a head start,” Jane said, smiling. “So you don’t go hungry. Though, I hear Molly has you covered for that as well?”

“Mum would never let us starve,” Ron said to Hermione’s mother. He took the bag from the bench and looked at Hermione. “I may need some help with what goes in the refrigerator,” he added.

“If it’s cold, it goes in, if it’s not cold, the pantry,” Jane said. 

“Thanks,” Ron said, and he began unloading the butter, some milk and eggs into the refrigerator. Arthur had spent a good thirty minutes admiring it when they’d put it in a week ago. 

“Fascinating,” he had kept saying. “And, Ron, you’ll be living with elektisity. Amazing!” Much to the amusement of Hermione’s parents, who had also been there.

Ron had to remind him that Percy was also living in a house with electricity with a gentle nudge to go and bother him. 

Now, Ron continued unloading the groceries. Hermione’s parents had bought some vegetables as well, which stumped Ron. Harry had to help him sort them out. 

“Merlin, that’s going to take some getting used to,” Ron said. “The flat was all magic. We didn’t need one.”

“You’ll figure it out, I’m sure,” Jane said kindly. 

“You’ll be fine,” Hermione added, smiling at him. 

He returned her smile. Anywhere with her was home. 

“Well, perhaps we should go to our hotel for the night,” Jane said after a moment. “Check in. We’ve decided to stay in Nottingham, just to see the two of you settled in. In case there’s anything else you need.”

“Thanks,” Ron said, and he didn’t just mean for the food. Ever since getting the house, they had been so busy that he’d not had a chance to really thank her parents for the help they had given for the house. “I mean… for everything, not just today. For… the house.”

Both of her parents smiled. “It is the least we can do, Ron,” her dad said. “To get the two of you set up.”

Sixteen thousand Galleons equivalent wasn’t a small thing, but Ron didn’t push the matter. He was grateful for the help, because without it, they wouldn’t be standing there right now. 

“We’ll go back, too,” Ginny said. “I’ve got tomorrow off, but training starts again on Monday. We’re going out for dinner tonight, me and Harry.” She beamed. “It’s been forever.”

“Enjoy,” Hermione said. “Maybe try the Floo back to your place. Make sure it works. It was a hell of a lot of paperwork to get it connected, so you may as well use it.”

“Will do,” Ginny said, grinning at them. “Enjoy your first night in your new place. Try not to break any more furniture.” She turned to Hermione’s parents then, and added quickly, “I do mean literally. Ron broke the coffee table earlier.” She looked back at Ron and Hermione. “We’ll drop by again tomorrow. See you.”

The four of them left after that, Harry and Ginny Flooing back to Grimmauld Place, while Hermione’s parents drove back down the driveway toward the city of Nottingham where they were staying. 

Ron threw his arm around Hermione’s shoulder as the car disappeared down the road and they closed the door behind them.

“Tomorrow we give the key back, and then this place is truly ours,” he said. “Just you and me.”

“How do we spend our first night in our new place?” Hermione asked. 

…

It was nearing ten o’clock at night, and just as Ron had imagined all those weeks ago, they sat on the sofa, curled up together with a blanket thrown over them. It wasn’t even that cold, but it was comforting and the romantic in Ron had insisted. 

“This is nice,” Hermione said, and her voice sounded faraway, as if she was almost asleep. 

Ron drew her closer towards him, his thoughts wandering into something resembling pure bliss, only interrupted a few moments later by an intrusive memory that he’d brushed aside until now. 

“Apparently I am helping Harry figure out a way to ask Ginny to marry him.”

“What?” Hermione lifted her head off Ron’s shoulder and sat up. “Since when?”

“Since this morning, apparently,” Ron said with a shrug. “He asked me if I’d be okay with it, which… well, yeah, I am. Then he asked me if I could help him do it. I mean, I assume he meant helping him find a way to ask her that doesn’t seem ridiculous and cheesy.”

“That’s great news!” Hermione said, and she sounded genuinely thrilled. If there was any thought in her mind about when she’d be getting engaged, she hid it very well. “Oh, I’m so happy for them. Do you know when he’s planning it?”

“No,” Ron said. “You know Harry — if it’s something that involves even a small plan, then he prefers to dive right in, head first.”

“Ginny did say they were going to dinner tonight…” Hermione began.

“Yeah, but he asked me for help,” Ron said. “And I haven’t given him the slightest bit of help.” He thought back to earlier that day, and Harry’s amusement over the whole ring situation. “Except, I guess, what not to do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hermione asked. 

“Nothing.” Ron shook his head. “Just something that happened while we were packing up the stuff at the flat. You think Ginny will say yes?”

“Certain of it,” Hermione said. “Though, with the Quidditch season starting up again soon, I can’t imagine when they’ll find the time to get married. They’ll have to squeeze it in between a game, I guess. And that all depends on whether the game has actually finished before the next one is due to start.”

Ron laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Hermione asked.

“Well, I’d hope — and correct me if I’m wrong if I’m assuming too much — that Ginny would actually consider missing a game or two for her own wedding.”

Hermione flushed, and it was obvious that the thought hadn’t actually occurred to her. “I… I suppose you’re right.”

Ron watched her for a moment. Now he knew she definitely was thinking about their own potential wedding. She had an air of guilt about her. 

“If you and Harry find you’re struggling, I can offer some suggestions, too,” Hermione said after a moment. “I do think, considering it’s Harry and Ginny, something simple. Or something Quidditch related.”

“Maybe at a Quidditch game?” Ron suggested.

“Harry wouldn’t want to draw attention to himself like that,” Hermione argued.

“Good point.”

“A dinner is a little cliche, but nice and simple, and if it’s in the house, then there’s no one else around.”

“Wouldn’t that be boring, though?” Ron asked.

“I think it’s romantic,” Hermione said. “I think it would be nice for them to become engaged just at home, no one else around…”

Ron smiled at her. 

Hermione flushed a little, and added quickly, “But I mean, if, um, Harry doesn’t want to do it that way then there’s other options. Start by asking him, I guess. You’re good at that kind of thing, Ron. Better than he is. I’m sure you’ll think of something. It’s so exciting for them!”

Ron’s smile widened. “I love you,” he said. 

She responded by kissing him. 

…

There was a cool breeze floating through the window the following morning. Ron shivered. What was it doing open in January? It was far too cold for such a thing. 

And then he remembered. 

Their first night together in their new place had become heated, especially when they’d decided to come to bed. They’d needed to open the window after a bit, just to cool themselves down. 

And now it didn’t help in the morning that he’d fallen asleep without any clothes and the blankets were tossed down around his waist. 

He groaned and rolled over, drawing them back up to under his chin. “Morning,” he said groggily, reaching out an arm to place around Hermione. She didn’t respond, but he could feel that beneath the blankets she also had forgotten to get dressed. He snuggled into her, partly for warmth and partly because he was still very much remembering how he had fallen asleep and wanted to be as close to her as possible.

Her even, gentle breathing lulled him back into a sleep. He didn’t know for how long, but he was woken again by Hermione shifting against him. She rolled over and before he could even open his eyes, her lips were on his again. 

“Good morning,” she whispered, snuggling into him. Her skin was so warm and soft against his. 

He grinned, still through closed eyes. “Very good morning,” he said, moving his arm under the blankets and drawing her closer towards him. “You’re so warm,” he added, suppressing a shiver. “Dumb idea, leaving that open all night.”

“I was going to close it, but then I fell asleep,” Hermione said, keeping her voice low. 

Ron drew her even closer to him, sinking lower under the blankets. A moment later Hermione pulled away. His eyes sprung open as she reached for her wand, pointed it at the open window and then snuggled back in under the covers.

“We don’t have to get up today, do we?” Ron asked. 

“I’m okay to stay here,” Hermione agreed, and she kissed him again.

And they would have gladly stayed in bed all day, enjoying their new house (and each other’s company), but at some point (Ron didn’t know and didn’t care what the time was) there was an annoying disruption.

A rush of flames, and then a shout that sounded a lot like Ginny’s from the bottom of the stairs. “You two up there?”

“Great idea linking the fireplaces,” Ron groaned, pulling away from Hermione unwillingly. “Your best idea yet.”

Hermione, also looking rather annoyed at the interruption, sat up in the bed in a very flustered state. “I don’t think we’re in any state to go down just yet,” she said. 

Ron definitely wasn’t, so they laid back down, Hermione flicking her wand to open the window again. 

“I doubt they’re sleeping,” Ron heard Ginny say, probably to Harry. “It’s midday. Honestly.”

And then there was silence, with any luck the two deciding to go back home. Though, Ron knew that was wishful thinking. 

“I suppose we should get up,” Hermione said after a while, once the cold air began to become a nuisance again, and not a relief. 

“Annoying little sisters,” Ron grumbled as they both sat up and attempted to find something to dress into. Nothing had been unpacked yet, and by the time Ron had found a shirt and a pair of jeans to throw on, Hermione was opening the door in her pyjamas that she definitely had not worn last night.

Harry and Ginny were waiting in the kitchen, both with a mug of hot tea in front of them. 

“Sorry, should have sent word when we were coming over,” Ginny said, and to Ron’s surprise, she actually looked a little embarrassed. 

“Yeah,” Ron replied, unable to contain his annoyance at their unwelcome intrusion. “Also should have used your brain.”

Hermione gave him a whack across the chest.

“Ow.”

“It’s alright,” Hermione said, accepting an offer of tea that Harry had just poured. “We were just about to get up.”

That was so far from the truth that no one believed her, but no one said anything. 

“So, how’s the place?” Harry asked. “You’ve settled in alright?”

“Yep,” Ron said. “There’s a lot more space than we’re used to, but that’s alright. We’ll get used to it, I’m sure. It already kind of feels like home.”

“I’m glad,” Ginny said with a smile. 

They moved into idle chat after that, Harry and Ginny talking about their date night, and then moving onto work, and the new Quidditch season. It wasn’t until Hermione jumped up from her seat and said, “Harry, can I see you in the next room?” that the conversation died.

“Is that some secret work business going on in there?” Ginny asked. 

“I dunno, maybe,” Ron said, though he had a feeling that Hermione was sharing all her sudden ideas about how to propose to Ginny in the next room. He repressed a sigh.

“Harry told me what you said to him yesterday,” Ginny said after a moment. “About the ring. You’re an idiot.”

Ron glared at her. 

“I’m serious,” Ginny continued. “You. Are. So. Stupid.”

“I’m not getting into this discussion with you,” Ron said. “It’s too late now, anyway. I can’t back out, and I don’t want to.”

Ginny stared at him for a moment, then shook her head again, stating, “You’re an idiot.” 

“That’s what George told me when I told him what I did.”

“Yeah, well, he’s right, too.”

Ron couldn’t say anything, for Harry and Hermione returned, Harry looking rather overwhelmed. 

“We should head back,” Ginny said. “I have to be back in Holyhead at seven in the morning tomorrow.”

“Good luck for this year,” Hermione said. “We’ll try to get to some games to see you play.”

Ginny smiled, giving Hermione and Ron a hug each. “Thanks. We have a pretty strong team. I’m just glad to be playing this year at all.”

“You deserve it,” Hermione said. 

“Thanks. See you guys, and enjoy the rest of your afternoon. We’ll remember to Apparate next time, or send word first. Sorry.”

Once they had gone, Hermione turned straight to Ron and said, “You need to help Harry. He’s clueless.” And she took another sip of the freshly brewed tea. 

[onthesandsofdreams]

The Summoning [4/5]

Pairing: Cassian x Jyn Rating: T Summary:  Cassian gave her a reassuring smile, “Yes, of course. My kin and I may not be as the rest of the demons, but that doesn’t mean we are defenseless. In fact, you should know that we are never as dangerous as when our mate is in danger.” Words: 1175 Notes: Witches & Demons AU. @mousedetective

Read @ AO3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

They make their way slowly and casually, she doesn't want to rush and call attention, even if they are under the camouflage spell. She wished she could truly make them invisible.

“I don’t want to alarm you,” Cassian said as they walked the long way back. “But we are still being followed. Either your spell didn’t work or…”

Jyn gritted her teeth, “Or they sent a specialized wizard after me.”

“Indeed.” They both could see the house already. “If you would allow it, I will deal with him.”

She came to a sudden stop, Cassian stopped after she did. She turned to face him, “Can you? Deal with him, I mean.”

Cassian gave her a reassuring smile, “Yes, of course. My kin and I may not be as the rest of the demons, but that doesn’t mean we are defenseless. In fact, you should know that we are never as dangerous as when our mate is in danger.”

“And I qualify as your mate?”

“You did summon me, so yes.”

She looked at the house, then she spotted the man lurking a few feet away. She felt torn, she knew that she simply could not allow him to see her go in, she wanted to add further protections to the house before she and Bodhi moved in. And she could be doing Cassian a disservice if she allowed him to protect her, only to send him back.

She had never depended of a man save when she had been a literal child, much less a demon for protection. But, a traitorous part of her of her wanted Cassian. She had been alone for a long time, Bodhi, sweet as he was, he was only a good friend and could never be what she wanted. For a part that she had tried to bury, she still wanted a family. She wanted to have someone to come home to, someone who would cuddle in bed with her, who’d listen to her rants and keep up with her, someone who would not be intimidated at her power, or independence.

She closed her eyes, and thought of her mother, what would her mother do? She wasn’t sure. Lyra Erso had been a deeply practical witch, one who in the end, believed that things happened for a reason. One who would accept a demon as a partner for her. Specially if said demon was a materada.

She sighed. She would face the consequences later, right now, she could either call attention to the fact that she was a witch or leave Cassian to deal with the man. And she knew that demons were better, much better at illusions than the magical kin.

Closing her eyes, she asked Cassian, “Do you plan to kill him?”

“No, not unless you want me to.”

“No, I don’t want him dead. I want him gone, but not dead.” There was no need for her to say that the only person she really wanted dead was Orson Krennic.

“Very well, wait for me here.”

She watched as Cassian walked towards the man, and watched as the man was instantly on alert and made a motion to run, but Cassian moved faster and grabbed the man by the jacket he wore, leaving him unable to run.

She could not hear what Cassian said, or did because his back was turned to her. But one moment the man was trying to cast something, the next, both hand hanged limply on his side and then Cassian let him go, and the man simply… walked away, with no obvious distress signal. It was as he had simply changed his mind and left.

Cassian returned a moment later, “Taken care of, we should not be bothered now.”

“What did you do?” She arched a brow, curiosity seeping into her tone. “It looked as if you had not done anything.”

Cassian took her hand and pulled her in direction of the house, “It’s an old demonic trick,” there was a smile on his face and it was making him look quite handsome. “I’ll tell you back at the house, I don’t want anyone overhearing.”

Much to her surprise, she didn’t mind being led. When she looked around, she didn’t spot anyone, but it wouldn’t hurt being careful. “Fair.”

It was only after they had crossed the threshold of the house, when Cassian let go of her hand. But he still led her to the living room, removed the covers of the ancient sofa and sat down, letting her to do the same on the place of her choosing. “To answer your question,” he began. “What I did is to put him on a hypnotic trance, which might not sound like a lot, but I’ll remind you that a demonic trance is much stronger than what someone of your kind may be able to, and then, I simply made him forget why he was here and what he had observed. I sent him home, but he won’t remember the past two days the moment he gets home.”

“I’m impressed.” She actually was. And she knew that what Cassian had so easily done, it would have taken a very talented witch or wizard years of practice before they were ready to mess with someone’s mind and memory. It could easily backfire or worst, damage someone’s mind permanently. “Thank you.”

Cassian grinned, but then he grew serious. “Listen Jyn, I know that I might not be what you wanted. I can see you struggling to accept this, and I understand. It would be painful for me – I will not lie to you – to simply leave you behind, but if you really want to, I will leave. Or rather, I’d let you send me back.”

Her breath caught. She had not been expecting that, much less the fact that she felt her stomach drop. How could she want him? She didn’t know him, the ritual had been more of a joke than anything else, but he had been nothing but kind and understanding with her. Hell, he had even protected her from Krennic’s goon.

And now, the thought of sending him away, felt… wrong. Something inside of her rebelled at the idea of loosing another. And that part that resented her father for following Krennic at the expense of her mother, of resenting Saw for eventually leaving too snarled inside of her.

A very selfish part of her hissed, ‘Mine.’ Because he was, she knew all about materadas. It had been something that had always fascinated her and she had studied in the dark and away from prying eyes. And now she had one, and that one was giving her the out she should want.

“Can I,” She managed to get out. “Can I think about it?”

“You have two days. No more than than that, after that, the opening you made to call me here will close and I will stay until you die.”

It was her turn to grow serious. “I understand. You’ll have the answer before that time.”

“Thank you.”

[mosswillow]

The People You Love Chapter 13

A/N: Hey, look at me not being lazy and adding the chapter to Tumblr too.

Warnings and Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe, Eventual Smut, Protective Ben Solo, Alpha Ben Solo, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Mating, Cycles/In Heat, Mating Bond, Knotting, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Dubious Consent, unconscious medical procedure (chapter 6), Emotional Hurt, Suicidal thoughts (very mild no actual planning) ch 8, Did I already mention emotional hurt?, Emotional hurt (once more for good measure.) Slow Burn, Implied/referenced attempted suicide (not described in detail) (not Rey) (ch 15), some violence, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted assault (ch 14)

AO3 link

By clicking keep reading you confirm that you’re an adult over the age of 18

The seconds tick closer to midnight and Rey gets to work digging through her room. She finds a bag and fills it with some papers from her file, clothes, the money card Leia gave her, and toiletries. Minutes before it’s time to run the room becomes clear, like she put on a pair of glasses. It’s sharp and bright, every detail jumping out at her. The specs of dust in the air float around her and she stares at the room taking in every detail. Her head starts feeling light and she realizes she’s stopped breathing. There’s hesitation. Anxiety. Maybe it’s fear or maybe guilt, she doesn’t know. Her mind turns to what will happen to the Solo’s. She knows, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, that running away from them will fuck their lives up. The moment she leaves her room she’ll be doing something she can’t take back.

It takes several deep breaths and hyping herself up to cut the bracelet and climb out of the window. The climb down is easier this time. She hits the ground after a few short minutes and starts running, making it down the street before she has to stop to catch her breath. She feels elated, free and happy, the world is open to her.

Then the initial adrenaline rush dissipates and her heartrate settles. She’s left alone in a dark alleyway. It’s a sliver of freedom and she wonders if it will be worth it. She hopes so.

She makes her way to the closest bus stop and reads the map, running her hand over the spot where Finn and Poe’s house is. She knows it’s where she needs to go. It’s the only way she can think to get home.

“Where to honey?” A tired looking woman says.

Rey almost turns around and goes back. What if the letter says something she doesn’t want to hear? What if something terrible happens? She takes a deep breath and hands over her money card before climbing in a large bus to start her journey. The island was an illusion, it held a life that did not exist. The illusion is broken now and all that’s left is the reality that the facade was built around. Rey is tired of everyone knowing more about her than herself. Even if something horrible happens or if what she finds out breaks her heart she has to go. She can’t live her life knowing that there’s truth out there and she didn’t go find it when she got the chance.

-o-

It takes over twenty four hours to finally reach the charming little house she once knew. Rey was so focused on getting away that she hadn’t considered how it would feel to be back. As she stands outside hyping herself up she goes through a range of different emotions. Anger at first that they gave her away without even talking to her first. Then she feels a sense of loss thinking about how much she cared for them, how she felt loved and safe and like she was part of a family. She misses that feeling and it hits her that she may never feel that way again.

She waits until she’s sure they’re fast asleep before walking to the back door and trying the handle. It turns easily; they never did lock the doors. She tiptoes through the house and stops at a picture frame. It’s her, she doesn’t even know when it was taken. She picks it up and looks at it, almost feeling guilty about what she has to do.

“Your mate called, told us when you would be here. He wants you to call him.”

Rey jumps and looks over to see Finn and Poe standing across the room. She puts the photo down and makes eye contact.

“Are you going to call him now?”

“Do you want us to?”

“Does it matter?”

Finn slowly walks towards Rey and she backs up in response looking at Finn with distrust and heartbreak. He stops and slackens his shoulders.

“We should have told you before he showed up here, we were afraid you would run off.”

Rey crosses her arms and takes another step back.

“Why are you here Rey, are you ok?” Finn asks.

Rey looks back and forth between Finn and Poe before dropping her arms and giving up.

“My grandfather left me something on the island.”

There’s a pause and then Rey watches their eyebrows raise in unison as they understand.

“You need our boat.”

Rey nods.

“So you were just going to steal it?”

She nods again.

“I was going to bring it back after.”

“We could get in a lot of trouble for helping you, you know that right?” Poe says.

Rey walks over to the couch and plops down putting her face in her lap. Finn comes next to her and rubs small circles on her back.

“We’ll take you there,” He says quietly.

Rey pauses for a moment as his words wash through her. She feels a mix of relief and resignation. Even in the time she was on her own she still had to rely on others. She puts her arm around Finn and leans against him. Maybe relying on others isn’t a bad thing and fighting the instinct to form attachments only ends up leaving her hurt. She doesn’t trust Finn and Poe, at least not the way she did before but she also isn’t angry.

“Thank you.” She whispers

They don’t waste much time. Poe makes a sandwich for Rey and they hitch up the boat. It’s a long and cold ride to the island. Seeing land is a relief and yet Rey finds herself unable to move as they dock. The night she left was one the most difficult of her life. Flashbacks play in her head and she half expects a group of men to come running at her from the house.

“Do you want us to come with you?” Poe asks

“No,” She breathes before steadying herself and starting the walk to the house.

The island looks exactly the same and somehow wildly different than what she remembers. As she looks around at all the familiar rocks and trees she begins to understand that the island isn’t what’s different, She is. Her eyes have changed, giving her the ability to see the headache inducing complexity of shapes and colors that were blended and muddied before. Beautiful memories of her childhood sit beside the knowledge of lies and control. She can see it all and it overwhelms her.

It doesn’t take her long to find where the letter is hidden. She opens it with shaky hands and reads the last words her grandfather wrote to her.

-o-

Rey,

You probably have so many questions and I’ll do my best to answer them before I have to do what I have to do. I’m going to die now, I’ll make sure they kill me or I’ll shoot myself. I can’t be brought in and questioned. If they find you they’ll use you against me until I crack. There are people who count on me, what I know could bring down an entire organization.

You’re what’s called an Omega. The medication I give you suppresses it, but even with the medication it’s who you are. Omegas are kind and caring, meant to serve others. They’re also strong and resilient, I know you’ll escape this island. I’ve included directions to a safe house that I had set up just in case. Rey, I only have one month of medication for you. When it runs out you’ll go into what is called a heat. It will be painful but you’ll be ok. Do not leave the safehouse after you run out of suppressants. People will be able to tell you’re an Omega and you will be in danger. I have it arranged for someone to bring food and supplies to you for as long as you need it. You won’t have to worry about anything and can spend as much time as you need living there, even your whole life if you want.

There’s a family, the Solo’s. A man, Ben Solo, was assigned to be your mate when you were just a little girl. They’re a good family and one day when you're ready they’ll protect you and love you. There's a file about them at the safehouse. They’re the ones who are here now but their issue isn’t with you, it’s with me. They think that I’ve been hurting you for the past several years.

You’re probably wondering why, why didn’t I tell you about any of this.

Twenty years ago I made a decision that ended up haunting me forever. I gave the go ahead to kidnap the child of a politician, one who was my friend. My men tortured this child and sent him back to his parents broken. We needed to get a law passed that now feels so trivial. I lost my soul that day and five years later, in direct consequence to that choice I lost my son and his wife, your parents. They tried to take you too that night to return the favor, thankfully they didn’t succeed. That boy is now a man and what I didn’t consider 20 years ago is that I may have been creating a monster, and by monster I mean someone exactly like me. Be careful Rey, there are people in this world who want to hurt you. It’s not fair but life never is.

I brought you here after your parents died vowing to keep you safe, to raise you right and give you a childhood away from pain, one I hadn’t given your father. I was supposed to hand you off to the Solo’s when you turned eighteen but the day you presented as an Omega and I saw your pain I did something rash, I gave you my suppressants. I just wanted a little more time with you but as soon as my medication wore off all those feelings of inadequacy and failure to protect your father came crashing back. I let myself spiral into my Alpha biology. Even as I write this I feel a sense of intense need to protect you. I failed to protect my Omega and failed my child. I can’t fail you Rey. I kept telling myself that one day I would have to let you go but every time I thought about it I just couldn’t. It may be selfish but I couldn’t let go of you. It turns out that life isn’t worth much without the people you love, and I love you Rey.

I hope I did the right thing. I hope that when you come out of your hiding place and find this letter you’ll understand why I did everything I did.

I love you Rey

-Grandfather.

Rey lets the letter fall to the ground. She starts taking steps back until she hits the wall. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, for there to be some explanation that would make everything ok, that would refute everything she’s been told about him. It doesn’t.

What hurts her now is that she doesn’t feel anger. He was her captor, lied to her just as much as everyone else in her life. If he was standing in front of her now she would scream at him and lock herself away. She would run from the island and not look back. He’s not in front of her though, he’s dead, and she loved him. She feels deep and true love for someone who murdered, tortured, lied, a criminal. How can she love someone like that? Her chest tightens and she starts feeling lightheaded.

What if she had stayed hidden like she was supposed to that evening? What if she came out and found the letter, had time to process everything and decide when and if she wanted to call the Solo’s.

She feels tired and trapped. It doesn’t feel good to be back on the island, it feels just as much a prison as the Solo’s house and she wants to leave. She gathers the letter and directions to the safe house.

She has one more thing she has to see, hopefully she’s able to. Hopefully the cleverly hidden security system wasn't found during the ransacking of her home. She walks to the hidden cabinet and uses her thumb print hoping that it will let her in.

And it does.

-o-

“Where is she?” Ben asks.

“Don’t worry Solo, we’ll find your little Omega after we deal with him.”

Knight. She didn’t know he was there. She didn’t notice any of them that night, only Ben, only her Alpha.

“You can come nicely.” Knight gives a sly smile as he pulls out a gun

“Or not.”

Sheev pulls out a pistol in turn and Ben looks back and forth between the men.

“You have three seconds to leave before I start shooting… Three,” Sheev starts.

Knight smiles and Ben's eyes widen.

“Two,” He continues.

“Don’t,” Ben cries but it’s too late. The shot is firing off and Ben is standing there shocked, looking at the blood pouring out of sheev.

“One,” Knight finishes.

“You weren’t supposed to kill him.” Ben says.

“He was torturing your girl wasn’t he?”

“I wanted but… This is not… You aimed for his head… You murdered him.” Ben says. He looks away from the scene and his eyes land on something.

“Rey.” He breathes “Don’t you fucking go near her Knight.” He yells before running out of frame.

-o-

Rey doesn't even react, her mind won’t let her. She slowly turns off the monitor and walks to her old bedroom, looking around at the mess all over the floor. She finds her little stuffed stingray and stands there with it for a few minutes before walking all the way to the ocean.

She wades in, holds the stuffed animal to her chest, and lets herself feel. She feels everything all at once, from her parents death to the moment she stepped out of that window, the good and bad. There's use in objects that comfort, that remind someone of their past and where they came from. There’s also use in letting go. In realizing that there’s no going back and the only way forward is to say goodbye. In taking a quiet moment to thank an object before letting it go. It’s symbolic but sometimes symbolism can be so strong that it becomes reality.

“I love you,” She whispers.

Rey lets the little stingray fall into the ocean and be carried away and with it goes a weight she’s held in her for as long as she can remember.

She makes her way back to the boat, stopping when she sees a little flower. She leans over and picks it wavering with it for several moments before putting it in her bag.

“Did it go well?”

Rey settles in the boat and gives a small smile.

“Yes, I think so at least.”

-o-

Rey is exhausted by the time they arrive back. She doesn’t feel safe there though. The safe house isn’t far, a few hours to walk. She can make it, she knows she can. She may fall over from exhaustion by the time she arrives but she has to go.

“we can give you a ride wherever you need.”

“It’s better you don’t know where I’m going, safer that way for all of us.”

Poe disappears inside of the hose and Finn pulls Rey into a hug. Poe comes back and stuffs some food in her bag before joining them in the hug. He looks at her awkwardly.

“He wasn’t coming after you. He knew where you were. You used a money card Rey, they can be tracked.”

Rey bites her lip and looks down feeling dumb for not knowing that.

“I think he genuinely just wanted to know you’re safe. There was something he wasn’t saying, I don’t know.”

“Thank you.” Rey says as she pulls away.

It’s bittersweet, seeing them and now leaving. Rey takes a step back and then turns away.

“Stay safe Rey,” Finn calls out as she walks slowly down the driveway.

She turns back and gives one last smile and wave before turning on the road.

[mcrvellouslystcrk]

Date Moves

Paring: Paul McCartney x Reader

Words: 1941

Rating: T I guess? 

Author’s Note: This is hugely based on that episode of Friends where Rachel and Joey go out on a date when she’s pregnant, although the reader here is not. Also didn’t proofread a lot cause yolo yknow :) 

You were having a really bad week.

 Stumbling in the living room, you could not care less about your dark circles, your tangled hair or the holes in your old jogger pants despite the four men sitting on the sofas.

 “Is there some scotch in this damn place?”

 The boys exchanged some concerned looks as you fell on a nearby armchair. Ringo approached you and tapped your shoulder.

 “What’s going on, love?”

 “Nothing.”

 “There’s obviously something going on.”

 “I said it’s nothing.”

 You hummed softly. Paul got up from the couch and lightened a cigarette.

 “Y/N, why don’t we go out tomorrow evening? I’ll take you someplace nice. These three can’t make it to the movies anyway.”

 You looked up from the pillow you had buried your face in.

 “What?”

 “Hey, it’s Brian you should be attacking, birdie,” John said while poking your side with his toes. “Macca is the only one who’s free tomorrow, and that’s just because he’s a suck-up.”

 You frowned.

 “I’m going to pretend I believe you…but I don’t.”

 “Oh, you know we love you!” George shouted from the kitchen.

 “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you answered with a small smile. “Paul, you’re my new favorite.”

 Passing by him, you gave him a quick hug before joining George in the kitchen. As soon as you left the room, John hit Paul with a cushion.

 “Oh man, I can’t believe how chicks dig you. We almost could see a drop of sweat running on your temples when you asked her out.”

 “I didn’t ask her out. She thinks we’re just friends,” he added with a painful whine.

 “Mate, that’s just bloody sad. Why don’t you tell her?”

 “Can’t.”

 “Give me ten pounds and I’ll do it for ya.”

 “I’m with you, John, but he’s got to tell her himself,” Ringo intervened. “Why don’t you become your usual, suave you?”

 “Because it’s Y/N we’re talking about!”

 “Yeah, so? You’ve liked her since forever, and I’m sure she-”

 “Who?”

 Their heads turned simultaneously towards the sound of your voice as you were putting on your jacket. John was about to open his mouth but Paul violently pinched him from behind and Ringo slowly moved forward, his boiling cup of tea dangerously tilted over John’s trousers.

 “His aunt Mimi, you know, she was always kind to me and always sends me postcards, and, you know…”

 You hesitantly smiled at them before walking to the door.

 “Call me?” you asked Paul.

 “No need. Be ready at 8.”

__

 You checked yourself for the last time in the mirror near the front door before grabbing your keys and exiting your house. There, on the few steps leading to the sidewalk, was your date, standing still and grinning like a madman.

 “Aw, look at you all dressed up for your best friend,” you exclaimed, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

 “Anything for my favorite midget.”

 His grin grew wider while he messed up your hair, earning a small shriek from you – this took me half an hour you git! – as you tried to restyle them. You sent him a dirty look but he laughed it off and offered you the bouquet of flowers he was hiding behind his back. Purple tulips. You softened at the sight.

 “So, where shall we go?”

 “I was thinking maybe that place near Carnaby Street, you know, the one with the fancy menu?”

 “Sounds great! But don’t you think we should’ve booked first?”

 Paul shrugged, hands in the pockets of his tuxedo.

 “Already did. Pattie told me you wanted to go there,” he explained to your raised eyebrows.

 You smiled to yourself as you entered the car.

 “Thank you for doing this,” you mumbled.

 “Hey, it’s a great idea. Couldn’t leave you alone today. And you were right the other day, we don’t spend much time together anymore, and…I rather miss you.”

 Your heart skipped a bit as you slightly punched him on the shoulder.

 “I rather miss you too.”

 __

  “-and then we set the condom on fire!”

 “You didn’t!”

 “We did, and trust me, you don’t want to try that.”

 You chuckled and looked around you. Your table was secluded from the others, giving you some well-thought privacy to avoid any fanatical attacks. The jazzy music gave the restaurant a black and white New-York vibe that you always longed for late at night in front of the television.

 “You know, there has always been something I wanted to ask you. I’m just so curious…”

 “About what?” Paul asked while serving you some more wine.

 You shrugged, a little embarrassed but continued.

 “What are your moves?”

 “My what?”

 “Your moves, you know, on a date – a real date. You must have a sort of routine, right?”

 “Bold of you to assume I need dates to get girls. They keep throwing themselves at me.”

 Half amused, half exasperated, you threw your napkin at him.

 “Oh, come on.”

 He looked down to hide the smirk that was growing on his lips.

 “I don’t have any moves…”

 You scoffed.

 “I don’t buy it. A guy like you must have some moves.”

 He raised a cheeky eyebrow.

 “And what would ‘a guy like me’ be?”

 Devastatingly handsome. Excessively perfect. The owner of my heart.

 “You know… A flirt.”

 His lips formed a mockingly hurt ‘o’.

 “Is that what you think of me?”

 You narrowed your eyes, shooting him another come on glare. He laughed and raised his hands in surrender.

 “Okay, okay. I don’t know, I have various ‘moves’, as you like to call them, that I gradually display over the course of the night and see whether they work or not. But they generally do.”

 You took a bite of your plate and moved your head to the left, thoughtful.

 “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific than that. I can’t roast you with so little information.”

 He smiled brightly and, gently taking you free hand, began rubbing it with his thumb. He looked at you, head slightly tilted, and moved just a tad forward.

 “You know, I wanted to wait till the end of the evening to kiss you but you look so beautiful that I can’t resist.”

 Your gaze fell from his hazel eyes to his lips, and let out an honest giggle.

 “That’s so stupid, but I almost leaned in.”

 “You totally checked me out, though.”

 “No…”

 He shrugged, visibly satisfied with himself.

 “Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

 You rolled your eyes but could not hide your nascent grin.

 “Anyway, that’s all you got?”

 “No, I sometimes have a bottle of wine or something ‘sent from a fan’”

 “And it works?” you asked, truly concerned about the intelligence of the female gender.

 “It does when I combine it with ‘Oh my god, this is so embarrassing, I just want to live a normal life!’”

 “Oh, you poor little famous man!” you exclaimed, punching him across the table.

 “And what do you do?” he enquired, slapping your hand away.

 You took a sip of your wine, languorously, and gently patted your humid lips with the napkin. Paul opened his mouth to stop you but you took your lipstick and began putting it on with a deliberate slowness. He froze as he watched the cardinal red stick move on every curve of your mouth, matching the depth of the wine. Without breaking the established eye contact, you pressed your two lips together to even the colour and slightly bite your lower lip before offering him a playful smile.

 “Fair enough,” he nodded appreciatory.

 “I know it’s nothing, but I usually get a response. Especially when I combine it with other things.”

 He moved his hand to ask for the check, which came almost immediately. At times like that, you found yourself wondering whether it was the quality of the restaurant or the fame of your entourage that caused up the speediness and promptness of the service.

 You moved to reach for your purse but felt an iron hand block you.

 “What kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you pay?”

 “Oh come on, Paul! This isn’t even a real date!”

 “Y/N, this doesn’t need to be a romantic rendezvous for me to be courteous.”

 He paused and looked around.

 “However, that candle-lit table feels pretty la vie en rose, no?”

 “I guess.”

 The orchestra had moved on to a softer, more exotic tune. You recognized the first notes of The Girl From Ipanema as you both got up and walked to the door.

 But I watch her so sadly, how can I tell her I love her

Yes I would give my heart gladly

 You both looked down as the song’s volume gradually decreased, both lost in your thoughts. Having decided you would leave the car there for the night, you had been strolling for a few meters when he broke the casual silence.

 “That was so fun.”

 “Well, that’s because you never went on a date with me before,” you snickered gingerly and placed your arm around his, feeling emboldened by the alcohol.

 “Is that so?” He murmured, looking down at you.

 He was so close that you felt his breath intertwine with yours. You gulped and turned away. Letting out a few coughs, you glanced at him while keeping a respectful distance between your two heads.

 The walk went by just fine. He cracked up a few jokes and you laughed, and then told some more as you passed through the lively city. London at night was as bustling as it was in the mornings, but the dark sky and the delightful company provided some sort of serenity that seemed impossible to normally find.  

 When you arrived in front of your house, your feet were hurting, but you could not care less. You were caught in that after-date glee that made everything feel so marvelously perfect.

  “So, what are Paul McCartney’s end of the night moves?”

 He met your gaze with a bright smirk.

 “Well, first of all, I make my lips irresistible.”

 Your lips already are irresistible.

 “How?”

 “This better stay between us but…I use a softening lip balm,” he sheepishly admitted.

 You giggled, actually surprised by the statement.

 “Oh, man, I’m going to have so much fun with this.”

 Paul gently pushed you on the side and you would have tripped if he was not still holding you.

 “Anyway…”

 You locked eyes for a moment. He put his hands on your hips, slowly leaning in. You could not help staring at his lips, not caring anymore about the consequences of your actions. Backed up by the alcohol and the thrill of the moment, you decided to move even more forward.

 “Oh God, just do it.”

 “You’re half drunk. If I kiss you now, I won’t stop at that.”

 “Who says I’d want you to stop?”

 You grabbed his collar and pulled him closer, plunging on his lips. The kiss was soft, yet fiery from the taste of the red wine. Your hands wandered from his hair to this torso, making him pull you closer.

 Lacking air, you softly broke away and let your fingers linger on his jawline. He gave you the most shattering smile, and you shivered as he proceeded to place butterfly kisses all over your face and neck.

 “I hope you know what you’re doing to me,” you muttered, your hands sliding to his chest, sensing the soft fabric of his pullover.

 He laughs at your swollen lips and dreamy eyes.

 “Y/N, I love you. Can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

 “Well, that’s really convenient, because I love you too.”

 Let’s just say your week had gotten a lot better.

[thecandywrites]

Of Heaven and Fire Part 17

Where Brock suffers the consequences of his actions. *evil cackling*

@imherefortheforthefanart​ @probablyclever​ @funmadnessandbadassvikings​

Of Heaven and Fire 

Part 17

Brock woke up to feeling more hungover than he ever felt before in his life and his whole body itched as his skin crawled from all the mosquito bites as flies buzzed around him before he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he looked around at his surroundings then back at the clan’s village where he could see the people hewing stones and moving them into place, in front of the same place that your house once stood before he snarled at it. They really were building an alter to you, a shrine, like you really were a goddess, idiots. You were just a woman, there were thousands, maybe millions just like you all over. 

You weren’t that special. 

He instead distracted himself with going through what he was able to keep. He still had his weapons and his armor. He didn’t need much else. He could hunt, he could use his battle ax since one side was a hammer, the other side was an ax and the ax was shaving sharp as he grinned at the eagle carved into it, this warhammer axe was Binga’s greatest creation and with it he had promised her to be his chief blacksmith. They had been friends since infancy, through childhood and into adulthood, mostly because Binga never wanted anything romantically with him and Binga had been one of his true friends and had an honesty and candor that he appreciated in addition to her talents which had no equal in the clan. 

So he set his eyes on the forest- looking at one particularly good tree, just that one tree would be enough for him to make at least a small shelter. He would show them all that he could be just fine without the clan. How many legends did orcdom have of clans starting from a single orc? Too many to count and history repeated itself many times over. He would start his own clan and it would be the greatest clan ever, it would be a purely orc clan where mouras would have no place in it and he took his moura cloak off and watched as it shrunk down to a collar, covered in leather before he put it in his pack, maybe he could sell it or something. He had lived his whole life without the moura influence, he would live the rest of his life without too. 

As he was in the forest, trying to figure out how to fell this tree he overheard talking, it was from his former suitors, they were talking about how they needed to get to Hurricane Breaker and try to court Bedhu because Brock was obviously impossible to please. 

“I’m not impossible to please!” Brock argued which scared those women shitless as they screamed and jumped away at the sight of him. 

“What?” Brock asked as he noticed they looked at him with alarm, pity and disgust once they recognized him. 

“Come on, we should go.” Vursa encouraged her friends as she pulled them away from him.  

“Wait! Stop, just...if you stay with me and help me, I’ll mate and claim all of you, we can start our own clan.” Brock proposed desperately as his stomach was reminding him that he had yet to eat breakfast or lunch as he began to stare longingly at their food pouches. 

“What so you can rape us when you want, eat all our food and choke us too when we piss you off?! You just want a slave you can beat the shit out of in any way you can.” Vursa spat at him. 

“No! I would never, I… I lost my temper, I was drunk and I just hated Miss Auksa and I was being forced into mating with her.” Brock tried to excuse himself as he flushed with embarrassment at the recollection of the events the day before. 

“Bullshit, one minute you were worshiping the ground Yana walked on and the next you hated her worse than she ever hated you when you first captured her and while she had every reason to hate you, you never had a good reason to hate her. You switch your moods faster than the wind changes. And even before Yana came into your life you were always a stuck up, self righteous pain in our collective asses.” Vursa bluntly revealed. 

“What? Just because I’m not the future warchief, I’m not good enough for you to talk to anymore? Let alone be with?” Brock sneered as the girls simply grinned like derisively at him. 

“Duh, we were after you because even if you were a snore in the bedroll and an awkward dork in the streets, you were still the handsome first born of the warcheif and the promise of an easy life with honor and respect was worth it to us to do whatever we could to try to get at that life. But it’s all gone, you threw it all away for what? So you didn’t have to be married to a moura? Even after she did everything anyone could ever ask of her and more? You just used her the way you have always used everyone else in Stormbreaker, you even used us, just for a flask of whiskey. Yana dodged a missile getting away from you. I can’t imagine the bullshit and fuckery she’d have to put up with being your mate. And you know what? We are too. Because what are you really offering now that you have absolutely nothing?  A new clan? A clan of what? Four? Starting from scratch in the woods and built off of what? Petty jealousy, resentment and hatred? You can chop down enough wood to build us a house big enough for all of us with an ax that’s only ever seen soft squishy bodies instead of stone timbers?” Vursa asked as she began to laugh in scornful amusement as she knocked on the tree next to her, listening to the solid sound echo in the forest around them, the kind of tree was known as a stone timber, since it was the hardest of all woods, and while chopping it down and splitting it was almost as hard as working with actual stone but whatever was built from it would stand for a five times as long as other woods but one look at his warhammer ax, there was no way it would chop down a stone timber. 

“Hell no, I may be a whore in your mother’s opinion, but even I have standards and enough self respect to know that that reward is never going to be worth that kind of work and risk, you have nothing to offer me. Your dick has never worked for me or anyone else, in fact I think it’s a miracle it worked for Yana at all. Your hands are useless and your tongue is trash and if you couldn’t be happy or satisfied with a goddess, we don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of ever satisfying each other, let alone making each other happy in any sense. We’re done Brock.” Vursa spat before she tried to walk away again. 

“Yana put me under a curse so that none of it worked, now that she’s gone, it’s lifted!” Brock insisted. 

“It doesn’t matter! You’re cursed Brock! Look at you! Your body is ate up with bites, your hair is hacked off, your honor is shredded, you’re disowned from your family and your clan with no hope of redemption and you’re living in the woods like a beast! And you cursed the very clan you came from. All of us watched as eels from under Yana’s house hatched out of a weird nest and just this morning we watched as they began eating their way through the estuary and every little stream they got into, the water turned black and silty. We even tried to damn them up but the fuckers can walk on land and breathe air and they’ve evaded the dams and they’re spreading like a plague through the waters as we speak. And now the clan is filled with legends of a thankless asshole who rejected the goddess and cursed his clan and the eels are sign from the gods Vagla and Zota of destruction. You’ll be lucky if you get malaria and die before you have to watch the very clan your father worked so hard to build and establish gets swallowed by the very eels you unleashed sending Yana away, none of this would have happened if she never moved her house.” Vursa insisted before she and the others turned and marched away leaving Brock seething before he took his warhammer-ax and threw it into the woods, hearing a clank as the distinct sound of metal hitting stone reverberated through the forest before Brock growled again before he went looking for the damn thing. 

He walked for what felt like hours before he finally found his warhammer ax laying shattered in several pieces at the base of a large boulder that was cracked from the impact before he roared in frustrated anger and let a string of curses fly out of his mouth before he tried to pick up the pieces and use those to at least hack some smaller saplings, having to wrap the pieces in cloth and leather to keep them from shredding his hands and the saplings were of paper trees, a tree that was so soft, pulping it was easy and cutting it down was easy but still hard for him with his broken tools since chopping an actual tree down was impossible for him and building a small shelter out of saplings took nearly all his depleting strength and the only thing he managed to kill was a squirrel by hitting it with a small rock and here he sat just trying to make a damn fire out of the dryer debris from the forest floor. 

It was sunset by the time he got the fire going and was able to keep it going enough to cook the lone squirrel as he sat on a rock and roasted the flesh of it as he tried to think of names to suit his new clan but he couldn’t think of anything. 

In the coming weeks, things just got worse, all his clothes tore and he ran out of thread to mend them and his armor fell apart as if he had been fighting in a hundred wars every time he wore it so to keep himself from being naked, he had to put on his moura cloak to make his clothes and even then, all of his clothes either left him cold or left him overheated because he couldn’t get the hang of how to change the outfits other than either an undergarment or a heavy winter cloak before he found something close to what he would normally wear. He ran out of soap to keep himself clean and he couldn’t seem to capture any game bigger than a trash panda and he lost weight and muscle mass because he wasn’t intaking enough food, let alone carbs to keep his stamina up and the water from the nearby stream which wasn’t connected to Stormbreaker’s waterways was sour and he could only catch a crawfish or two and the shame and guilt of his past actions chased his sleep away as he tried to come to grips as to why he had reacted to you the way he did and it was all just a big blank. He cut down every sapling he could to try to make his house more substantial but the walls breathed and the floor was uneven and unfomfortable and if it had not been for his moura cloak, he would be freezing at night because summer had turned to autumn and now autumn was turning into winter and the only relief he got was that the frost killed the mosquitos and his ability to hunt improved with more “barbaric” tools such as a spears and his only company was a pair of birds, one a white dove, the other, a black raven who were always together, who seemed to watch him from a distance and while it was impossible for him to catch them, they seemed to stick around and just watch. The dove during most of the day, the raven, at night. It got to the point that the only way Brock could stay sane is by talking to the damn birds for company. 

Finally after the third hard frost his mother appeared with a basket on her hip, after hearing where he had settled from the hunting parties. 

“Brock?” She called out before he peeked his head out of his little shelter. 

“Mom!” He called out as he recognized her and eagerly got out and rushed over to her, hugging her tight, making her drop her basket so she could hug him as they were both brought to tears as they hugged each other tight. 

“You’re so thin!” Rhos realized as they pulled apart and they got to see each other and Brock could only hang his head in shame. 

“Hunting has been hard for me.” Brock explained. “No big game comes anywhere around here.” He answered. 

“Well game has become scarce since the summer.” She answered as Brock frowned. 

“Come, is there room in your shelter for both of us?” She asked before he reluctantly brought her into it as they managed to sit side by side in it before she showed him what she brought him. Several loaves of bread, one of which he quickly consumed, having not had bread since he left the clan back in the summer. A big block of cheese, covered in wax and some dried and cured meats along with some root vegetables that could be stored along with a few onions and heads of garlic and the biggest hunk of soap he had ever seen and a new comb and a proper ax for cutting down stone trees along with a bundle of medicine herbs and all Rhos could do is watch on sadly as Brock tried to inhale a little bit of everything, having been dreaming about these foods since he left. 

“The warchief of Stormbreaker has a proposition for you.” Rhos began as Brock paused in his eating. To hear of his father so far removed from him in verbage still cut like a knife and instead of being angry or resentful, all he could feel was sadness and regret. 

“We are leaving for Suchi in a week. If you have had enough punishment for your wrongdoing, and if you would humbly consider reconciling with Benyana who is due to give birth in only two weeks or so, you can come back to the clan.” She revealed. 

“And if I don’t?” Brock asked after he weighed her words and couldn’t bring himself to look at her, only consider the loaf of bread in his hands. 

“Then you can come back and watch the house while we’re gone but only while we’re gone, provided you do not cause harm to anything in the house. When we come back from the birth, the only thing you’ll be informed of is how Benyana came through the birth and the outcome, if what she is carrying is really a son or not which seems unlikely that she isn’t carrying one because all tests have proven that she is carrying a son. But those words will be the last words any of us are allowed to speak to you for as long as you live and you will once again be chased off of clan lands and it will be the last time we will ever see you in this lifetime and all others after and this is the last help any of us can ever offer you and all memory of you will be forgotten except for the legends already being told about you, but you are always referred to as ‘the cursed’ in all of those. And no one ever is allowed to be named Brock ever again, in fact no one is allowed to have a name that starts with B in the clan because for fear they would be associated with you. And all those who did have a name that started with B have already changed their names in the clan. Except for Benyana’s name which is always spoken of in reverence. She has been elevated to a goddess and the shrine to her is the biggest in the clan and anyone harming the shrine will immediately be put to death.  She is now the patron goddess of moura orcs, even those in Hurricane Breaker have followed suit and built a full blown temple in her honor and she is the goddess of many more things in their clan, like reuniting, of fortunes, specifically of inheritance, of connecting to your past and prosperous business. And if it wasn’t for her alter and the blessing of her alter, Stormbreaker would have fallen already.” She revealed. 

“What do you mean fallen?” Brock asked. 

“Brock, this year was the worst harvest there ever in the land’s history, after Benyana left, there was a storm that caused a flood that destroyed so much and the hail in that storm knocked all the fruit off the trees before it could grow to any real size and ripen and the hail damaged a lot of houses, then a drought came in the land dried up what was left, we have not had rain since the storm.” She revealed as Brock realized that he too never had rain in the forest and the water level in the nearby stream had dropped since he came in the summer and now late autumn, it was barely a trickle. 

“And if that wasn’t bad enough, the eels ate up every fish in the estuary before they swam out to sea where one of the water dragons was waiting for them before it swallowed all of them whole and once the shrine was built, the silt settled but the water in the wells was never the same, it’s grown bitter and sour and now, the only fish to be found are tiny minnows that hug the edges of all the little streams around the estuary. The only time animals touch the ground of Stormbreaker is before they’re slaughtered for food there, they die overnight if you don’t and something in them spoils the meat quickly when they’re on Stormbreaker ground, the only food and livesstock we have is all on Drauch. That’s where all of this came from because there’s just not much of anything left in Stormbreaker. And every woman in Stormbreaker has since moved to Drauch because they’re afraid that if they step foot in Stormbreaker, they could lose their own pregnancies because those who have not wanted their pregnancies have stayed in Stormbreaker and have lost them overnight and we can’t know what their number is. Now all the women who stay in Stormbreaker are only there to keep from being pregnant, so of course the whorehouse is crammed full of whores from all over, it also means that they’re clean too, any sexually transmitted diseases die on them overnight now and many come to get “cured” but quickly leave again. Now only single men who are helping with guiding the ships through the estuary live there, everyone and everything else has moved to Drauch where we still have food, water and the best shelter the clan has ever enjoyed and the temple to Benyana is the grandest in the city and all roads lead to it eventually. The sale of the fish is the only way the clan has survived so we can buy what we need from the sales and your former percentage of all those sales goes to Benyana to care for her and her offspring from now on for forever and Cugas and Kaive go through all the catches and get the best of everything and bring it to her as food supplements too.” She revealed as Brock’s heart sunk deeper and deeper. 

“How is she doing otherwise?” Brock felt compelled to ask which brought a sad smile to his mother’s face, at the lowly tone he used. Almost like he actually cared. 

“She’s almost lost the baby to grief several times now and she rarely smiles for any length of time longer than a heartbeat, and her state is no different than any other widow I suppose because to everyone, you died in the flames and what sits besides me now is an imposter to the Brock everyone knew and loved before the death in flames. Her parents and her other siblings as well as the rest of the warchief’s other children never leave her side and we have all practically moved in with her to help care for her and the warchief has cried many times, wishing he had a son who was close in age to her and would love her and be the father to her child because suitors have tried to come out of the woodwork because they look at her goddess status and all her blessings and her enormous house and wealth and her sad nature and do everything they can to cheer her up. There is one that comes and goes all the time that she is closest too and they talk often in private. He’s a fae prince, but he insists that we all call him Matae and even his parents and siblings and friends and relatives come to see her every so often, giving her more gifts than anyone can count because she is the single most blessed being any of us have ever known. Every day Matae comes and talks with her, he has vowed to everyone that he will help her through the birth if you are not there and he will claim her child if you do not and he will love her until you are never called to her mind again and her family is pleased as is her colony and even the warchief gives Matae his blessing and he’s a good person. He’s playful and fun yet intelligent, protective and surprisingly sensitive but despite all this, Benyana does not love him. She only likes him as a close friend and nothing more, as if she is holding out hope you’ll come to your senses. She has begged and pleaded the clan not to hunt you like a trophy bear and bring you to her like a caged animal since you are little better than a beast or bring you to her in a heap of limbs with your head on a platter as revenge for the curse you brought to the clan. But she insists that you be left alone to suffer the consequences of your actions since that is punishment enough and that no one is to guilt you into doing anything. And that everything you do must be of your own free will.” Rhos revealed and all Brock could do was hang his head in shame. He treated you like an enemy and you were still protecting him like a friend and he was if anything, the epitome of undeserving but his pride wouldn’t let him admit that.  

“So. This basket is magicked, it can hold much more than it looks like it can. If you choose not to go, you can bring this back when you watch the house and go through what is left of Stormbreaker and salvage whatever you want from what has been left behind, this basket should carry all of it. But know that that will be the last time you walk onto the clan’s grounds because after that, the clan’s houses will be burned and all trace of Stormbreaker will be destroyed so that the lands will return to the way they were before we ever settled there.” She informed him gravely. 

“What?” Brock frowned in disbelief as a deep sinking feeling settled in his gut and on his chest and it made it harm for him to breathe. 

“It’s already been decided. Even now the whores are packing up to leave. When we leave for Suchi, it will be the last time anyone in Stormbreaker will ever touch that ground except for the warchief’s family. And the only things that are to be left behind, are the gifts to Benyana’s temple and alter, and her gifts for you. When we come back, if you don’t take those gifts with you, then we will take them and put them in a museum on Drauch and they will be admired and revered until time indefinite.” She informed him before she got up and dusted off her skirt as she made ready to leave. 

“Come, give me a hug,” she insisted before he did, they embraced for what felt like the final time. 

“Please choose wisely Brock.” Rhos cried into his shoulder before she forced herself to walk away from him, leaving Brock to just watch as she did so, feeling like his feet were rooted to the ground no matter how badly he wanted to follow her, like a duckling or a chick following its mother. But his pride and stubbornness and obstinance would still not allow it. 

Once he couldn’t hear her, or see her, he went back to the basket and pulled out a tent and hastily put it up and found a cot and a bed roll and even more food, even a little wash basin so he could wash himself and his clothes properly other than dunking himself in the nearby trickling stream and inside was a pair of scissors that he used to trim his hair so that it was mostly even and his scraggly beard that had grown along with a simple bow and arrows so he could hunt properly. And he even found mending supplies and some material that he quickly used to mend his old tattered clothes and boots so he could put the moura cloak back on over it and was finally comfortable.  

Six days later he was seen walking back, the basket fashioned into something of a backpack on his back and when he got to the outskirts he stopped where his family used hunting gestures to ask if he was coming and all he could do is cross his arms in front of him which was the universal sign for ‘no’ before everyone just shook their heads and loaded up everything onto Drauch and Brock waited until they were ready to leave when his father signed for him to come with him and follow him but Brock just signed back ‘no’ and shook his head and his mom had to drag his dad back up onto Drauch before the stairway lifted off the ground and the boats themselves lifted from the harbor to dock with Drauch in the clouds before Drauch flew on the breeze to Suchi as a huge gust of wind blew the city to Suchi and only then did Brock get up and go into the abandoned clan village. 

He went around the edges of the village first, harvesting what was left in the gardens, going through the houses, salvaging what was left behind as he noticed a pattern. Every family left something useful in every house. One would have a small sack of one kind of spice and another would have a sack of a different spice, never the same exact thing. One would have a cooking pan or pot, one would have a tool of some kind, one would have a fur, or a cloak, or material, or sewing supplies, as if each household was giving Brock one last tribute and gift and Brock could only weep as he realized the significance of this. 

In orcdom, whenever a warchief retired, either from old age, or injury, each family would give an offering to the warchief as a way for him to live the rest of his life in comfort and peace as thanks for leading them but that there was new leadership, usually whoever the warchief chose to succeed him as successor. It was a proper goodbye and send off and absolutely final. There was no way back from this in any clan’s eyes. 

He finally made his way to his house, where the kitchen was thankfully fully stocked as he set aside all he would want to eat over the next week or so and packed all the rest before he used what he had gathered to make himself his first- last meals at home. It wasn’t as grand as his last meal here was, but it was just as good as any other he had had here. 

Here he sat, at his usual place at the table and ate, feeling like he saw ghosts of his family every time he looked around. Memories of all the fun and happy times spent around this table. 

Then he began to drink. For the first time, he drank to remember. Remember every detail of his life and his childhood here because they were the only happy memories he had left. He was also grateful to be in a house where the cold wind doesn’t come through either the gaps of the saplings or the fabric of the tent. 

Then he heard the door open and someone walk in. Normally he would be defending this place, but right now, he was hoping it was someone who had not listened to you to come and put him out of his misery. 

Instead he found Binga. 

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more pathetic, you surprise me and find a new low to stoop to.” She spat as she tossed a handful of blacksmithing tools in front of him disrespectfully. 

“I was waiting for you to come to the shop to gather your last tribute but you never came.” She incited. 

“Shut up and go away.” He grumbled from his stein. 

“No, you have no power or authority to order me to do anything.” She reminded him as she stalked over and sat across from him as she took in the sight of him and could only shake her head. 

“Because the current warchief stripped you of that power, remember? Before he shortly kicked you out of this house.” She reminded him. 

“All for what? Because you didn’t want to marry a goddess?” She jabbed and Brock could feel himself getting drunk enough to lose his inhibitions completely. 

“She was never a goddess! She was just a woman! There’s a billion more just like her!” He roared back. 

“And yet she was the only one who wanted you for you, who actually loved you for you and she will be the only one to ever do either for the rest of your life. And you treated her like garbage after everything she did for you. You told me yourself that she was the love of your life before you were reborn and she is giving birth to your firstborn quite possibly as we speak and you won’t even go! You’re missing it because you’re a pathetic spineless coward!” She roared back.

“She’s not the love of my life, I’ll find a way back into my father’s good graces, and I’m going to be the next warchief of my own clan, I don’t need or even want love, I need a good warchieftess.” He argued hotly. 

“Then you could have picked one of the dozen whores who had been after you since you were 5, hell pick all of them because all of them together will never be as good as she was even on her worst days. Come here.” She dragged him to the living room where all your betrothal gifts were put on display. 

“Look around Brock! She gave you all of this, all those other women working together over five lifetimes will never be able to give you a gift that is even in the same realm as this. This bar that she set is perfect. There are no greater gifts than the ones she gave you!” Binga yelled as she took the clothes and armor off the walls and handed them to him but he wouldn’t hold them, he just let them fall to his feet as he stared at them resentfully as tears flooded his own vision. 

“And you know what? All those girls that had been after you your whole life? Where are they now? If they actually cared about you, they would have scooped you up from the forest and had you live with them or even helped you build a new home or new clan or whatever but they didn’t. Because they’re already gone. They took one look at all this and knew that there was no way they were ever going to top any of this, that there is nothing on this planet that anyone can give anyone else, even if they had limitless fortunes, there isn’t anything they could have ever bought or made for you that would even be close and you know it!” She continued to yell and gesture to everything else as Brock simply winced at her words since he couldn’t argue with her. 

“Why Brock? Why did you reject her?” Binga asked as tears came to her own eyes and Brock couldn’t answer her, he couldn’t even look at her, only hang his head in shame as she put her hands on her hips. 

“The only thing I can think of that would have made a difference is if Benyana would have been a moura orc but the only other moura orcs are in Hurricane Breaker and none of them give a shit about you and will never come to claim you. You really are an asshole because even as perfect as all of this is you still found a way to find fault in it, in all of it! Gods you’re such a stubborn stupid asshole!” She roared, feeling another wave of anger swell. 

“She gave you everything, the clan had never been richer or more prosperous or has ever had this much peace or abundance before because she turned all your enemies into allies, she turned gold, she taught you and your family how to turn mud and rocks into gold, she healed your wounds and bedded you all while she battled her own morning sickness which is a limit that is too far for even our own full orc women and it’s still not good enough for you?! She gave you the best and greatest betrothal gifts anyone could ever give another and you embarrassed her and shamed her and humiliated her into leaving in front of the whole clan and even then she handled it with more grace and dignity than anyone could ever bear it and if I was moura I would have burned you alive myself right then and there.” Binga insisted as Brock still wouldn’t move, wouldn’t react, wouldn’t look up at her. Pitiful thing he was which just enraged Binga even more. 

“Even if you didn’t like her- just the fact that she’s carrying your child should have been enough for you to stand by her and take care of her and do right by her or do you not even have enough honor for that? The answer to that is of course no, because you have no honor! She was the only one not to give a shit that you’re going to be warchief, she would no sooner set you on fire herself than give you the time of day in the beginning and that’s what everyone loves about her because she doesn’t care about standing or hierarchy, only about the person you are and I feel so sorry for her that she fell in love so hard with someone as ungrateful and selfish as you. She fought for you and gave you everything she had even as the rest of her world turned on her and you rejected her. She has more fire in her than any furnace  and she was the only one who called you out on your shit. Even when you were in Suchi she did so with the most beautiful elegance to keep your own dignity intact. And everyone needs someone like that. She was the best thing to ever happen to you and to this clan and you used her and threw her away.” Binga spat in disgust. 

“And now that she’s gone, we’re all suffering, the harvest was the worst it’s been in years, the estuary only has the tiniest minnows now all the other fish are gone. The flocks are dwindling because we’ve eaten them faster than we can buy them and faster than they can breed. And thank the gods for the deal we have in Suchi and the water dragons because otherwise all of us would have starved to death by now. Don’t you think it’s odd that no one has gotten pregnant on this land since she left? No one reaped this fall because everyone is just trying to survive the winter. You cursed us all because of your stubbornness. And if you don’t leave right this second and go after her and bring her and your child back after it’s born, when your father gets back and she and her child aren’t here where they should be, we will create a new moura orc colony of our own further up river and make a new clan without you in it and the clan of Stormbreaker will die with you. For the next week, it’s just going to be you and this empty, abandoned, broken down clan village that could have been something great if you had been a real man and own up to your responsibilities and I hope that they leave these gifts here at Benyana’s alter forever to remind you of her every day for the rest of your life, forever alone and forever haunted by her.  And maybe the biggest reason you rejected her is because you still know deep down in your soul that she’s too good for you, she always has been and she always will be.” She sneered before she left and got on her horse and ran her horse to catch up with Drauch at the next little village to pick up some supplies. 

Suddenly Brock had never felt such a deep and all consuming rage before coursing through his veins like he did in that moment and he took the orb you gave him as a parting gift and threw it as hard as he could against a wall and it shattered like it had been a super thin shell of either ceramic or glass, the thing had felt so strong and solid in his hands before, to see that it was in fact so fragile surprised him. But what surprised him even more was that all that was left from the shattered pieces was a glowing light and it moved as if it had a life of it’s own before all at once it outright attacked him and the moment it touched him it infiltrated his skin, it got up his nose and in his mouth and into his lungs and it burned like super cold ice and all Brock could do is lay on the floor and thrash like he was having a seizure and wait for death and then….

It unlocked his memory and in a rush, it all came back.

[myinnerroomie]

              Today I want to write for pleasure instead of business. I want my mind to be productive, but I am sick of work.  I am sick of all the grad school papers and the stress of getting everything in on time, the stress of applying for this test, and studying for that test. The stress of pretending I care about the Air Force. And for what?  I feel as if I am not doing something to better myself, then I am failing.  In all aspects of life. And for what? What am I trying to accomplish?  What do I want out of life?  The answer is everything.  More than I’m getting.  So I fill the void with military and homework and physical activities.  All of which are healthy right?  What’s the problem?  I can do more.  I am so capable.  I see that. I know that I’m not meant for this.   However, I signed up for it, right?  I’ll finish what I signed up for and move on and appreciate what I learned.  In the meantime, I feel it necessary to point out that I may be jobless in 2 months, maybe not.  The stress of never knowing what is going to happen is real.  And I’m sick of it.  However, it pays the bills (quite nicely), I’m staying in a condo by the beach (where I’m sitting on the balcony typing), and it’s frankly beautiful weather and I’ll go for a run later. It’s really my fault that I haven’t found a job yet.  I should never have relied on reserve like this anyway.  I have no fear that I’ll figure something out when the time comes.  Actually, life is way better than it really has ever been.  

I’m so free (aside from the military which ironically is the thing that saved me). Oooh.  Let’s get into my early adulthood.  That should be fun.  So, embarrassingly enough, until this past year, I have always had a boyfriend.  We can get into my childhood later, but it probably stemmed from somewhere back then.  I have never thought much of myself.  Figured I’d go to community college like everybody else, then I went to a university like everybody else.  Majored in a stupid (fun) degree.  No real regrets about that though.  My self-worth was based on if people liked me, if I felt I looked good.  I do regret a lot of the actions of that sad, desperate girl.  Nobody understood, and I was good at faking it.  I did things that I have never admitted to anybody.  I literally could have been diagnosed with the same disorders as the other kids in the behavioral hospital where I worked.  Only mine weren’t for attention and I was deeply ashamed, so nobody knew.  I educated myself on the consequences of what would happen if I continued on that path, and slowly but surely, I got better.  And sadly, I can’t even celebrate that with anyone.  Shame, guilt, fear, worthlessness, pain – what I used to always feel.  Pride and confusion with all this freedom I have is what I feel now.

I used to think emotions were embarrassing.  I knew I hurt all the time, but I was never taught how to deal with it, so I would isolate myself and feel stupid.  Actually, that’s what I was taught.  Everybody has issues, and I’m not special. Get over it.  Why did it hurt so much?  Why can’t I get over it?  Why am I so miserable?  Why am I even alive?  Everybody dies anyway.  Oh, I know how I can deal with this: weed.  Ahh, there so much better.  Now all I’m thinking about is how I can’t remember what I’m thinking about. Yeah, I should probably go to class now.  Wonder if they’ll know I’m stoned. (turns out that they did).  But I was really enjoying class then. Very intrigued with Maslow’s hierarchy of need.  Hmm self-actualization.  Will I ever know my purpose and get to the point in life where I can fulfill that need??? Nah bro I’m starving…  You think everybody is staring at me eating these chips? -- Anyway, this is only the middle of the story.  I’m not even going to go back to my first boyfriend.  Let’s skip to the second one that cheated on me after 2 years.  Looking back now, he’s gross and bigoted. He was mean to me.  He lied to me.  He cheated.  Everything was an ordeal.  I just constantly lowered myself and made myself small for him.  He, of course, never reciprocated.  I wasn’t worth it.  Because I never showed any self-worth.  One good decision I made was to further my education and move to Hattiesburg for school which he actually made fun of me for doing. Anyway, I remember one time he had just come from the boat or whatever he was doing for work and invited his friend to our apartment.  I went to sit on his lap and he pushed me off and laughed.  I just went to my room and cried while he spent the night with his friend. That’s not me.  I hate I did that.  I hate that’s their memory of me.  Oh well.  I know they still talk shit about me back home.  That’s fine and that’s their problem.

Another reoccurring theme with boyfriends is my lack of any other friends and/or support. This takes me to my second boyfriend. I had been single for less than a year, and I met him.  It was so much nicer at first.  I felt like he cared about me.  He was so sweet.  Finally, everything was reciprocated to me, and I was happy.  I was happy to make him happy.  Again, with my screwed up priorities, man.  But I had grown up a little.  I just had this baseless fear that I would be alone forever.  But, I’m not necessarily the victim.  I did have this notion that I should be taken care of. I never expected to pay.  I expected some sort of money and to pay to go out and about.  That didn’t happen with this guy.  This honestly helped me become independent.  However, over time, he became more and more controlling. He threw me down and hit me in a NOLA hotel and the police were called.  He tore up my purse and a jacket. I remember feeling so much stress because he said he was going to leave me there, and I didn’t know how to get home.  Nor did I want to tell anybody why I was in that predicament anyway.  I thought it was all my fault and apologized and he stayed. How lucky am I? To stay with a guy that hits me and breaks my belongings (He also broke my tent.  If I ever went anywhere, he would be calling and obsessed. I couldn’t enjoy anything because I knew there would always be repercussions for having fun.   I literally broke out in hives at my friend’s house in Jackson one time because I told him no I wouldn’t come back to his place that night and it gave me so much grief.  He said he was going to break up with me if I did not drive back.  But I sure enough stayed my ass up there though. It was still embarrassing.  He threw a boot at me once because I was mad and didn’t want to sleep in the same room as him.  When I told him that hurt and showed him the bruise, he blamed me for acting that way. A few times, I tried to leave to go home, and he would grab me and not let me go.  I would be like if you don’t get your hands off me, I have every right to defend myself.  So I would straight up try to fist fight him to let go of me. He would laugh. Sounds healthy right?  Oh yeah, one time I did not do what he wanted and he threatened to get rid of my cat and locked all the doors to the house so I could not get to MY fucking cat.  So I waited until he got home and he just acted like he didn’t care at all about the strife he caused.  I think I may have even stayed that night at his house.  I hated him but I didn’t know what else to do.              

In the middle of all of this, I joined the military.  So yeah he came to visit me in Texas for graduation then said this was his vacation and that he was going to do what he wanted.  I’m like dude no.  I’ve been locked up for weeks.  It’s my vacation.  Another argument, more crying.  You’re a bitch if you stand up for yourself.  Okay months go on, we break up in tech school.  But I know he has my cat.  I also know he has a place to live.  Again, my fault.  I’m using him cause I don’t really know what else to do.  So I live at his house.  Then move to out of town.  He threatens to leave me again and tells me I’m shitty for moving away.  I move back to his place.  Back and forth, but he just stays and does whatever the fuck he wants with no consideration for me.  Eventually, I just started to dislike him.  I can take care of myself.  I got another place with a room mate.  His presence annoyed me.  I thought he was ugly.  I think that was mutual, and I was like dude:  Let’s end it. It’s miserable.  He agreed.  Easiest break-up ever.  Now did I do dumb things, and normal post-breakup things? Absolutely. Did I still text him a couple times afterwards? Yeahhh.  Also,  I made out with a 20 year old army kid at a bar. And I also slept with a married man.  That was a whole thing.  But most of last year, I have just grown.

I have nobody grabbing my arm now.  If I want to pack up and go hiking somewhere across the country, I’ll buy a plane ticket and go. If I want to hang out with friends, its fun again.  I do not rely on anybody for my self-worth.  2020 was extremely rough for me. I lost my house and all my belongings.  My car flooded in a hurricane (and of course I only had liability insurance).  It has all worked out anyway.  I didn’t even need any of that stuff.  Honestly, I never had the worst life.  That wasn’t the goal of this. You know, to complain.  It’s just that everything has gotten better. Losing everything helps put your life into perspective.  I’m so much more appreciative now.  I look at what I have accomplished and where I came from.  I used to think that everybody was more important than me, and that I needed them to like me and see me as worthy to be around.  Well, that has changed completely.  I don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like me.  That doesn’t make me less of a valuable person.  Everybody is not better than me and I have just as much a chance of being successful as everybody else.  I’m not a “bitch”.  Maybe some folks find me “annoying”, but you’re crazy if you think I will ever make myself small to fit inside anybody’s box that doesn’t like me.  I don’t “deserve it” to be living a miserable life. Life is hard.  Life is beautiful. It’s all about learning, and that’s what I have done. I win.  I’m free.  I can do anything.  While I do regret some of my past, all this has given me the drive to me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.  Still gotta figure that one out.

[doof-doofblog]

"It Might Be Too Late By Then!"

Friday 5th February 2021

Hello again everyone! I hope you've had a good weekend and are keeping safe! I have a little bit of news to share with you, I'm sure you've all heard this news by now, but with this being an EastEnders blog, I feel I cannot not ignore the news which was announced over the weekend. It's been announced that after a staggering 20 years on the Square, Laila Morse is going to be leaving her role as Mo Slater (Big Mo). I am a little gutted, but it has been known that Mo has come and gone from Walford quite regularly, plus the fact that it's been stated that her role will be left open for her to return in the future - I guess there could always be the hope that she will return one day. Her departure is set to air in the Spring. Will guys miss Big Mo? Will you be hoping she'll return to the soap one day? Its fair to say that she's been one of the main comedic performances on the soap, she's a brilliant character, always up to mischief but her heart has always been in the right place when it comes to looking after her family. I'll be sad to see her go, but I will pray that she will return one day.

Focusing on the soap, Thursday's episode ended on such a cliff hanger, I'm excited to write about Friday's episode. The first thing I'm going to focus on is Ruby. It's clear that she's lying about her pregnancy, but it looks as if she's had enough of Kush living with herself and her husband. Once again she attempts to get intimate with Martin, only for Kush to waltz in and completely ruin her chances of actually getting pregnant. The one thing I have to mention though, that little song that both Kush and Martin sung together about getting a chippy - everyone needs to sing like that when they get a takeaway!! I bloody loved it, a bit of comical bromance that we need! "Fish, chips and mushy peas! - Salt, vinegar? - Yes please!" - simple but very catchy! Haha! I loved it, the highlight of the episode for me! But where Ruby is concerned, it's clear she's wanting Kush out of the house so she can get some very much needed intimacy with Martin. Whilst at the club, Dotty informs her that she's desperate for more shifts as Whitney is pestering her about the bills, instantly it looks as if the cogs are spinning in Ruby's mind as she comes up with a plan, almost manipulating the situation, she suggests that Dotty and Whitney look for someone else to move in to help with paying the bills, to which she just happens to mention that Kush is looking for a place. As much as Dotty is grateful to her boss for helping, Kush is less than impressed, when later he confronts her acknowledging the fact that Ruby has never wanted Kush living with them in the first place, even though he only did to cover Ruby's back - as she was the one who manipulated him again into leaving the Square with Arthur. I think it's fair to say that Ruby is a brilliant manipulator, as once again she uses the lie of her being pregnant and how Martin deserves to be able to enjoy his new child to coax Kush into thinking that she's right and he should move out. I really don't think it's going to be too long until her secrets are revealed, what do you guys think?! 

The second thing I need to talk about is Billy. Oh Billy, Billy, Billy! Is anyone else feeling sorry for the guy? I kind of am, but also feeling that the choices he's making really isn't going to help, it's just going to spiral out of control. After getting jealous of Jay buying his children trainers, Billy seems desperate to make some quick cash, so he can also provide for his children and treat them as much as Jay is. However, he seems to have turned to Vinny, informing him that he's interested in doing some dodgy deals. In this particular episode, we see both Billy and Vinny meeting up and they both make an exchange, drugs for money. Billy reassures Vinny that he knows exactly what he's doing. Later on Billy is seen waiting in the park, only what happened next seemed to really shock me! I don't know about you guys but I was expecting a big tough guy or someone who's vulnerable and desperate to make a quick fix to approach Billy out of the blue - but instead we see a group of young looking teenagers approach. I have to say, I panicked for a minute, thinking would Billy really stoop that low to give young teenagers drugs? I was so shocked, they looked so young! Thankfully, Billy did the right thing, portrayed himself as an under-cover cop and stated that he ever saw them again, he'd nick them! At that moment, I felt like maybe he knew he wouldn't be able to go through with the drug-dealing, especially if it means the clients would be as young as those teenagers! He bins the drugs and eventually approaches Jay, even though he does not offer an olive-branch, he simply states that he wants to continue working on the stall. Which is pretty bold of him I think. However, something inside me is thinking, is Billy going to get in huge trouble now for throwing away drugs? Is his actions going to cause him some kind of consequences and is he going to be in debt to Vinny now, or Vinny's "Mate"? Who knows?

The next thing I need to talk about has to be Gray!!!! How on Earth is still being able to hide his secret that he might've actually in fact killed Tina?! I think it's fair to say that during this episode, he's clearly been backed into a corner and he's having to think on his feet. He's been confronted by Phil, Sharon, Mick and Linda and being asked some very awkward questions about Tina - Where did she go? What did she say? When did he last see or speak to her? He's obviously trying to cover his tracks as best he can. Eventually he seems to be able to convince everyone in the room that he simply has no idea where Tina has gone, only that she left her at an airport. However he does seem to mention Spain and Italy, and Mick is instantly suspicious as he claims she doesn't know anyone in those countries, so why would she go there?! It looks almost as if Gray is struggling to keep his story together. However, later on in the episode, as he's informing Whitney about his quick meeting with Phil, young Mack finds a plane ticket which just so happens to be in Tina's name. Whitney confronts Gray with the document, once again Gray's face is a picture, in fairness it's another piece of evidence which could be used against him if Tina was to ever be found. He comes up with a ludicrous story that Tina actually doesn't want to be found!! Claiming that he can't tell that specifically to Mick and Linda as it would break their hearts, and that Tina felt so lost and unwanted that she felt it was in her best interest to leave and not tell anyone where she was going, even trying to make Whitney understand, stating that she too has also been in that situation, after what she went through with Leo. I have to say, even this is a bogus explanation, he tells it very well to which Whitney is convinced he's telling the truth, speculating that Tina must've felt safe putting her trust in Gray. Later, when Gray is alone in his household, he takes it upon himself to burn the plane ticket, obviously in an attempt to hide his involvement in Tina's disappearance! Ooooo if only people on the Square knew what Gray was capable of!! If only they'd knew about Chantelle, none of this to Tina would be happening. I said this before, but I am SO excited for when Gray gets his comeuppance and his secrets will be discovered, it's going to be so explosive, I can feel it! 

The final thing I need to talk about obviously, is the fact that Denise has gone missing! As Jack and Chelsea come to the realisation that Lucas has potentially kidnapped Denise for a second time, Jack is frantic in trying to find her. Unfortunately, as he's too close to the individual who has gone missing and also to the alleged perpetrator, the police can't allow him to get onto the case of searching for Denise. Jack is desperate to get involved, eager to make calls and make sure the police are doing all they can to find her. Chelsea is visibly shaken, it's understandable that she's feeling she's to blame, Jack is absolutely furious and actually does blame her for bringing Lucas back to the Square. If Chelsea hadn't returned with Lucas, this probably would've have happened to Denise. Eager to try and reach out to her Dad, Chelsea calls Lucas, pleading to bring her Mum home. But this is where things get really interesting, lurking in the shadows as he slowly approaches the Square and notices the police outside his apartment, Lucas lurks behind the wall as he watches the scene in front of him. Does he look confused? Scared? I'm not so sure, it's difficult to tell how he's possibly feeling, he takes his phone out and listens to Chelsea's voicemail. Suddenly as he begins to walk away, both Jack and Callum spot him, which leads to an exciting foot chase! Jack is desperate to get some answers, as he catches up with Lucas he grabs him and leads him to the Arches when he and Callum can ask him questions privately. Jack is adamant that Lucas is behind Denise's disappearance, but interestingly Lucas claims he has no idea what he's talking about. He claims that they did have an argument but before anything horrendous could happen, he left the apartment to cool himself down and get some air. He still claims that he's a changed man and is trying to stay off the dark path he once lived. As I'm watching this scene, as much as Lucas is denying having anything to do with Denise going missing, my mind begins to wonder - It's still not easy to tell whether Lucas is a changed man or not, he could be telling the truth? Does he really have no idea where Denise has gone? Could he have ran from Jack and Callum just out of fear? Could he have really left the apartment and left Denise alone in the room? Is there someone else who's actually after Lucas and has taken Denise hostage to get back at him? There are all so many different theories. I feel, because EastEnders have already done the storyline where Lucas kidnapped Denise, it would be kind of pointless, and maybe weird to do that again?! As Jack and Callum are arguing amongst themselves on how to question him, Lucas makes a sneaky escape, much to Jack's frustration. 

The final scene we saw of this episode, Denise is sat on her own in a cold dark room, almost looks like an old office which has been cleared out. Suddenly the door opens ever so slightly and all we can see is a hooded figure looking inside at her. Poor Denise looks at them in absolute fear. Who is this figure? Another theory I'm thinking of - could Lucas have lied about his son passing away, could this be Jordan? Is he also out for revenge on his Father?! Or has Lucas absolutely duped everyone and could he be up to his old tricks? I find this very interesting and very exciting! I'm looking forward to watching more and having Denise's captures revealed. What do you think folks? Overall a brilliant episode, manipulation, excitement and drama! Brilliant! Thank you all for reading, I apologise for this post being a bit late! I'll be back again tomorrow following Monday's episode. Thank you again everyone, enjoy the rest of your day! Love you all xXx

[cruzrogue]

Into the Future PartIV

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

————————————————————————

for fanfiction:

Prompt number: Prompt 30“I’m with you, you know that.” 

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity

Rating:PG13

Warnings/Tags:  time travel

Summary: Felicity lands up time traveling to the moment right after her future self goes with the Monitor. Landing in the bunker and meeting her future kids. They don’t seem impressed. As if that isn’t enough for a young-version Felicity to deal with she needs to head back into her present time and stop Oliver from completing a task on Lian Yu. Keeping the ley lines intact.  

Notes: Felicity Smoak goes to the future and meets three members of Future Team Arrow.

Part 3 of 4  Prompt 29 “I’m doing this for you.” (on A03 now)

Part 4 of 4  Prompt 30 “I’m with you, you know that.” (on A03 now)

Notes: The continuation as Felicity goes to Lian Yu and meets Oliver Queen who has no clue who she is… he’ll be getting a crash course on how to be Smoaked.

Past ones:

1/2 Prompt number 1 “It will be fun, trust me.”

2/2  Prompt number: 4 “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

 Prompt 30

“I’m with you, you know that.” 

 Into the Future PartIV on A03

.

Lian Yu.

This island is so treacherous to get around in as Felicity almost stepped on a landmine. A landmine! This island is truly not some vacationing paradise. At the moment she’s left alone throwing pebbles into a flowing creek as she waits for John’s return. She got as much reading about ley lines and the whole load down to magic. As a woman of science adding the paranormal activities into her philosophy has been quite a step from how she envisioned her future just three years ago. She was never going to live the simple life but wow all this is more than she thought possible.

She a little apprehensive yet super excited to meet this Oliver Queen. She only gathered what she has seen as the world thinks him dead. This man is alive. She knows there is no way that is true so here she is. Tracking the man who may or may not still be fated to be her husband. She hopes after all this meddling into the supernatural she still has those kids she’d met. She doesn’t know how helping him will change things. Maybe it will create small ripples or a tsunami of change.

The way the bookstore keeper made it sound saving the greater good is to important so she has no idea what her involvement in all this will create. The consequences haven’t yet calculated and there is no formula of heroes versus cosmos destruction. Yep, her math can get her so far but understanding that there are powers that can annihilate life well that is out of her reach until these crazy books entered her life.

She waits here for John to return and then she’ll do her own thing. Knowing he’ll help her as much as he can with the constricts, he has. Hearing some screeching tires just where there is enough clearing to actually drive a vehicle she waits for a sign.    

“Come on mate, your future bride awaits.”

“You know that sounds crazy, right?”

“Do you really think after all you have seen so far…”

“I have no idea what’s going on but there must be some logical explanation.”

John laughs. “You’re just entering the tip of what is bizarre.” John leads them to rendezvous point calling out, “Little bird.”

“Right here.” The men turn around as she emerges from a hiding spot. “Hey. Pretty birds.” John raises his eyebrow. “Hey it was either that or ugly ducklings.”

“You must be Felicity.” Oliver interrupts them looking at a blonde with fiery pink highlights. This man telling him that their destined to marry. He wonders how crazy these two really are.

“How much did John here talk about me?” Her perked eyebrow raised in alarm. Her stoic face telling John he better not of scared Oliver away. “I’m Felicity Smoak by the way and I have no idea what my friend here has told you about me…”

“I told him you’re his future spouse, you know a version of the truth. We don’t have time for pleasantries.”

“Okay, okay.” She tells an impatient John. Now regarding the man in militia fatigues. “I know this all must sound crazy but you’re an incredible future hero and somehow the fates knowing I have been one of the biggest influences in your life has given me a chance to help you as a reward for you being so brave and selfless.”

That makes Oliver laugh. “I don’t know you two but both of you are crazy. I am not that man.”

“Felicity, we don’t have time for subtle.” John quips knowing that their window to return back to the House of Mystery is closing.

“I know there is no reason for you to trust me. I made this gizmo to disrupt the ley lines from being touched by mortal men. Whatever Reiter is seeking he can’t have. Can’t touch. Don’t disturb the force there.

“What happens if I do?”

“Then all I’ve been doing is for naught. I met the future you and some of our kids and I really like to not lose that.”

“You know this sounds outrageous, right?”

She gives him a smile. “You have no idea. Been there done that.” Giving him the small device. “I’m with you, you know that.” 

“What?”

“When you finally come home. I want you to know I’ll be there.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to Starling.” She doesn’t say that for a while she thought she would be moving to Hope Springs until the job offer from Queen Consolidated came her way. Taking it knowing that is what the powers that be wanted.

“You will. Our futures are bound together.”

“You say that with such certainly.”

“I say it because you told me you’d always love me and I believe you.”

“I am not that man.”

“Not yet, but you will be amazing. I need you to survive. Do what you need to. When you are ready. Come home.”

“How will we know if this all works out?”

“Don’t know. Your older self said that I’ll always find you. I think it works both ways. He really counted on it. His faith in me beyond measure I could see it in his eyes and I stand here before you with that belief that we are worth it.”

“You really believe that.” Oliver can’t help but move closer to her.

“Somehow, I don’t know how, but our love makes us stronger. We seem to be the best parts of each other. And that is so much bigger than the friggin’ universe.”

“Sheesh, you two aren’t even a couple yet and the energy between you both is… Truly inspirational.”

“Thanks John.” She doesn’t know what else to say to John’s statement so she adds, “We should go. Bye Oliver.” She can’t help but kiss his cheek. “Take care of yourself.”

“Bye Felicity.” Oliver than tells John he should whack him make it look like a struggle to get away.

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

The actual new future…

When Oliver came back from his five years stint, he still went to Russia with Taiana and helped her with the Kovar situation. Every step of the way he did the impossible of reshaping himself and learning about the darkness in a new bolder way. Felicity Smoak’s belief in him wasn’t going to waste. Doing the right thing wasn’t always easier but he proved it was possible.

He never tried to rekindle his relationship with Laurel. No, instead he bought a bunch of flowers he’s learned from a few corresponding electronic mails. Showing up at her doorstep hours after being declared alive. He has since never left her side. Finding out how truly remarkable she is.

Somewhere creating a partnership and with the solid friendships with others along the way. They were a force to be reckoned with. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy it is fought for with patience, understanding, devotion, and respect and when it came to save Earth again. There wasn’t just one hero to look to but many who understood sacrifice and what is needed to set things right. Starling becoming the Star of where hope, justice, rebirth is found from an once decaying city. A prime example that when the good people rise up it will always conquer malicious intents of others.

Felicity using the key for the last time, enters the bookstore. Waiting to here a strong woman’s voice again. There is nothing, sighing she wonders if the darkness that is to be thwarted is yet to happen. She’s been be Oliver’s side for years, raising a family and still fighting the good fight. A fear takes hold in the pit of her stomach, there is so much to lose if she has failed. Four children she has always wanted which includes her step-son.

There are still books to read, there is so many more books. As Felicity takes a moment to gather herself, she moves into a row she’s frequented many times over and while doing this she never sees the two individuals watching her from the overhead banister.

Taking a book, she slowly walks towards the desk, she has some reading to do.

“You have glimpses.” Felicity whips around and her hand to her heart as she sees two figures. Like last time the woman looked familiar yet she could not place her. “You have seen many things.”

“I have.”

The man speaks this time, “There will always be a need for those like yourself who understand heroism and sacrifice for the greater good.”

“I guess. I just don’t know if I’ll ever succeed.”

The woman speaks again, “My child, the future is always a step ahead and you’ve granted us all that there is a future to behold.”

Felicity nods in understanding as a small smile crosses her face. “I guess, you’ll want the key back?” Seeing their nods, she pulls it out and knows to just place it on top of the desk. As soon as she does that the bookstore shifts and as fast as this place came to her it was gone. Leaving her standing in the nursery of her youngest.

They did it. She can’t pinpoint the moment or moments that altered everything for the better. All she knows is that the strong faith she had in her team, herself paid off. Life of heroes aren’t easy. Sometimes downright exhausting but in her heart, she knows if given a choice she’d continue all this again and again.

Standing by Oliver Queen’s side has been an honor, an adventure, a choice worth fighting for.

.

.

[marshmallow-phd]

Sculpted Raven

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Summary: It had been just you and your brother for the longest time and that’s how you liked it. Politics and lies had drove you away from your home five years ago and that has since left a bitter taste in your mouth. While exploring the latest town you’d settled in, you met Chanyeol. He was everything you didn’t want: goofy, happy-go-lucky… a wolf. Mate pull or not, you were going to try everything you could avoid him while keeping the secret from your brother. But how long would you be able to fight? Will Chanyeol be able to pull you back into the world you swore you would never enter again?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

**

A wolf’s instincts were stronger than any logic. The natural urge to fight and protect went well beyond the human scope of understanding. And once they kicked in, appealing to their sense of reason went out the window.

Whether the attacking wolf was your brother or not, Chanyeol’s instinct to protect his mate at all costs was too strong to fight and it took over. Moving so his back was to you, he lunged at your brother.

The two wolves collided mid-air, snarls and growls ripping through the air. Teeth and claws were everywhere trying to meet their target on the enemy.

“No! Stop!” You scrambled to try and stop the fight, but couldn’t find an opening to push them apart. Not without getting bitten yourself and that would have just made it worse.

Seeing no other alternative, you starting picking up rocks and throwing them like baseballs at the pair. It had no effect on either of them. They barely acknowledged your effort before going back to the fight. After a few more tries, and even adding in a large stick, you gave up that helpless notion.

Chanyeol was a big wolf and was utilizing his size to try and overpower Lon. But Lon was strong, the strongest out of the young wolves that you grew up with. And he was fast. Each time Chanyeol went to pounce or swipe at him, Lon was dodging the attacks with ease.

Then he gained the upper hand.

Noticing an opening after Chanyeol slipped on slick dead leaves, Lon plunged his teeth into Chanyeol’s neck. The latter let out a painful howl, struggling under Lon’s grip to get free. But Lon wasn’t letting go. Chanyeol whined when Lon sunk his teeth in deeper.

Unable to take it any longer, you ran to your brother, pulling on his fur to try get him to let go. Tears streamed down your cheeks. You couldn’t lose Chanyeol, not to your brother, not like this. “Lon, please, stop! Don’t hurt him! Please, Lon!”

You struggled and pulled, trying to pry yourself between them. Chanyeol was pawing at your chest and stomach, attempting to push you away and out of danger, but you couldn’t just leave him there. You had to get your brother off of him no matter what damage was caused to you.

Several howls echoed off the trees. At the sight of what you could only assume was Chanyeol’s pack you scrambled back. A large, reddish wolf slammed into Lon, miraculously getting him to let go and roll away. Immediately, you ran to your own wolf who was lying on his side. He was still breathing, if a little raggedly. Blood coated his white and brown fur. When you lightly touched the torn skin, he half-growled, half-whined.

“Chanyeol!”

Several of the other wolves had changed back into humans and were running up to you, eyes only for their wounded brother. Chanyeol shifted to his stomach, growling at everyone as he settled his head in your lap.

“Chanyeol,” one of the boys whimpered. He had light brown hair and wore a look of concern that almost matched your own. You recognized him from the group that interrupted your date last night. “You’ve got to change back so Yixing can take a look at you.”

When a black haired boy with a kind face stepped closer, Chanyeol growled again. A light gray wolf with a brownish face shifted into a very authoritative human.

“Chanyeol, do it.”

The wolf in your lap whined, pulling his ears back on his head. He shivered and cried as his body slowly turned from wolf to man. As soon as he was no longer a furry creature, you helped him up into a sitting position.

“I’m sorry, (y/n),” he whispered, unable to look you in the eye.

Shaking your head, you pulled him to you. In relief that his pack had shown up, you’d stopped crying, but now that Chanyeol was going to be okay, you couldn’t help but feel guilty that he was in this state. This was all your own doing and yet he was the one apologizing to you.

You shook your head as you cried into his chest. “No. It’s my fault. All my fault.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He patted the crown of your head as his other arm wrapped around the small of your back.

“(y/n), what the hell is going on?”

You jumped at the harsh whip of your brother’s voice. You tried to turn around to face him, but Chanyeol kept you close, his chest vibrating with a protective growl.

“Get away from my sister,” Lon ordered.

“No,” Chanyeol bit back. It took some fighting, but you were finally able to turn around in his arms just enough to make eye contact with Lon. Everyone had changed back into humans and were watching the confrontation with nervous eyes. Kris stuck close to Lon, just in case.

“Lon.” You swallowed, unsure of what exactly it was you should say.

“She’s my mate,” Chanyeol declared for you.

Lon’s eyes grew in size. “That’s not possible. I would have smelled it.”

A smaller member of the pack with light blonde hair stepped forward. “Actually, as her brother, she wouldn’t smell any different to you, omega or not.”

With a violent shake of his head, Lon kept denying the reality. “No, (y/n) would have told me.”

“I didn’t want you to find out.”

Lon stared down at you with disbelief. You kept your own gaze steady. The conversation that you’d been avoiding for so long was coming to head. You needed to face it without cowering away and accept whatever the consequences were.

“You never keep secrets from me,” Lon whispered.

“We should continue this conversation back at the house,” Kris suggested. Well, ordered fit the tone a bit more.

The other one that you were sure was an alpha as well nodded. “Yixing needs to look at Chanyeol.”

“I’m fine,” Chanyeol insisted. “I’m healing already.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Lon murmured, looking anywhere but at Chanyeol. “It just… looked like you were attacking her.”

“What were you doing here, anyway?” you asked. “You were supposed to be at work.”

“I forgot my wallet,” Lon explained. “When I came back to get it, you weren’t home. You always tell me when you’re going to be out. Then I found the note lying on your bedroom floor. I followed your scent out here to make sure you were okay.”

You cursed at yourself as you double checked your pockets. This whole time you thought your note had been secure in your jeans. It must have slipped out before you left the apartment. Way to go, (y/n).

“Let’s go.” Kris started in the direction away from town, shifting into a wolf mid run. In groups of two or three, the others shifted and followed their leader. One of the last to go, Lon stared at the two of you before heading out as well.

“I’ll walk with you both,” the black haired one volunteered. “Chanyeol shouldn’t shift until he’s fully healed.”

Chanyeol huffed as if offended by the remark. But he didn’t shift after he let you go and stood to his feet.

This whole time you’d been so preoccupied by the disaster crumbling around you that you hadn’t noticed all the naked bodies around you. Now that it was just you and the two very human wolves, you were feeling a bit uncomfortable. Growing up in the pack, you’d been used to it. You knew those boys since you were all in diapers. This new pack? Not so much.

But you didn’t fight it when Chanyeol took your hand while your small group headed for wherever the pack called home. Your third wheel followed behind a few feet back, giving you some space.

Chanyeol nudged you with his bare shoulder. “You were really worried, weren’t you?”

Teeth marks that were already starting to scab over underneath all the dried blood dotted the area above his collarbone and the curve of his neck. You reached up slowly and brushed your fingertips across the bite. He didn’t flinch away, showing you that he was indeed healing from the attack.

“I thought I was going to be torn apart,” you admitted.

Chanyeol frowned. “Lon wasn’t going after you, though. I’m pretty sure it was my throat his was trying to rip out.” He pointed to his battle wound for emphasis. “You were fine. Even though you were a bit stupid to try and get in the middle of a wolf fight.”

“I wasn’t talking about physically.” You didn’t fall for his attempt to lighten the mood. Chanyeol might want to joke and try to skirt around the seriousness of your current predicament, but you couldn’t forget it. Not even for a second. “Watching my mate and brother fight like that….” You shook your head. “If your pack hadn’t shown up to help-”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Chanyeol stopped, pulling you to him while he cupped your face. “Don’t think like that. It wouldn’t have ended that way. We’re both fine. This’ll all work out. I promise. Okay?”

You nodded, mostly just to satisfy him.

He saw right through that. Taking the opportunity, Chanyeol kissed you; quick and chaste since you weren’t alone.

Once you finally reached the clearing where their home was located, your breath was taken away.

The farm house was large and old fashioned. An equally huge detached garage was built next door along with several cars scattered in the area in front of it. Inside the home, you passed through the parlor and the living room that were simply decorated, but homey. The black haired wolf disappeared up a flight of stairs while Chanyeol led you to the kitchen all the way in the back.

Everyone else was waiting for you already, dressed again in jeans and t-shirts. Someone threw a change of clothes at Chanyeol as soon as you stepped into the room. The fabric hit him right in the face, making you giggle. He let go of your hand just long enough to pull on the pants and tug the shirt over his head, then he pulled you back into his arms so your back was against his chest.

Lon, who apparently had borrowed some clothes from one of the residents, was leaning against the table of the breakfast booth. A conflicted look pulled his eyebrows together and jutted his jaw out.

“We’ll leave you guys to talk,” the second alpha said. No one argued with him, although you didn’t really see the point. With their ears, they’d be able to catch every word of the conversation.You were grateful for the illusion of privacy anyway.

“You, too, Chanyeol,” Kris ordered.

Chanyeol growled behind you. “But-”

“Now.”

Huffing, Chanyeol pulled himself away from you, planting a kiss on your cheek before being pushed out of the room by Kris.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Lon looked so defeated. His eyes reflected betrayal. He was right; the two of you didn’t keep secrets from each other. This was a huge blow, especially for him to find out this way.

“At first, it was because I was planning to ignore it,” you confessed.

“Ignore it?” Lon was stunned. “Do you realize-”

“I do now,” you snapped. “Mom… lied to me about what would happen when I was little, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I was a bitch to him, hoping he’d go away and find a different mate. But then we went to go see Mom and she told me the truth.”

Lon breathed in and out, trying to keep up. “Okay. So, you accepted him. Why didn’t you just tell me then?”

“Well, for starters, you did tell him to stay away from me,” you reminded him.

He growled. “Yeah, well, if he was your mate, then I wouldn’t really have a say about that anymore.” Lon narrowed his eyes. “What was the real reason you didn’t tell me?”

Crossing your arms, you avoided his gaze, picking out patterns in the wooden floor panels instead.

“(y/n)….”

“I didn’t want to lose you!” you blurted.

Lon frowned. “Lose me?”

You nodded. “If I accepted Chanyeol, then that would mean I would be joining his pack. And with you as an omega - well, those two scenarios don’t really go together.”

“I’ll always be your brother. Nothing would ever separate me from you, new pack or not.” Lon let out a long, steady breath. “Besides, I won’t be an omega much longer.”

Your head snapped up. “What? You’re going to take Markus’ offer?”

“Yeah,” Lon smiled. “I’m lucky that he’s even giving me a chance, considering Dad. But I think it’s time I joined a pack. Especially now since you don’t need me anymore.”

Shaking your head, you ran to your brother, throwing your arms around his waist. “I’ll always need you.”

“What about me?” Chanyeol whined from the next room. “Ow!”

Someone must have hit him for interrupting the sweet sibling moment.

Lon stared down at you as he rubbed your back. “Are you sure about that one?”

You grinned sheepishly. “Yeah. I am.”

“Okay,” he sighed.

Stepping away, you softly punched him in the shoulder. “So, when are you going to tell Markus you’re ready to be a member of his pack?”

“Next time we go see Mom.”

Good. That was good. Now, the next step was just figuring out what to do after that little task was done.

“Can I come back in now?”

You laughed when you found Chanyeol poking his head in the kitchen from the hallway, looking at your desperately. As soon you nodded, he practically ran to you, enveloping you in a hug.

“Does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” he asked Lon.

Lon glared at him. “No, I don’t. And I… I’m sorry for earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol reassured him. “I would have done the same thing.” He ran the knuckles of one of his hands down your face.

“That’s going to take getting used to,” Lon grumbled. When you raised an eyebrow at him, he explained, “You used to punch any boy who came within arms reach of you. It made my job as a big brother a lot easier.”

The three of you laughed. It was a strange situation, but you were thankful that it had turned into this. Maybe you were worried for all the wrong reasons. You weren’t going to lose your brother and your mate wasn’t going to die. In retrospective, you might have made several wrong decisions and you were lucky that things ended up this way in the end.

Soon, Kris and Lon needed head back to the shop. Chanyeol and you decided to get some privacy away from his other pack members and moved to your apartment where you made a late lunch for the two of you.

For the next several hours, you and Chanyeol just sat on your couch, talking. Well, Chanyeol actually did most of the talking. Apparently, he was a bit regretful that you’d come back to your apartment, alone time or not. He’d completed the song he’d written for you and he couldn’t wait for you to hear it.

Chanyeol was mimicking the cords on your own fingers, teasing you with the notes of the melody. It was a peaceful moment until Lon came back.

He shuffled through the front door with a forlorn look on his face.

You sat up, concerned. “Lon, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“We need to go see Mom,” he replied. “We need to go see her now.”

[aimforthedogstar]

You want prompts? Here you go! Wolfstar AU where they have just started dating, and Remus hasn't told Sirius about his furry little problem yet. Sirius gets bitten by a werewolf and freaks out because (on top of him being scared of the consequences of the bite) he's scared Remus will leave him

This is so so bad, and I might just delete this later. But, this is what my brain cooked up in the middle of the night.

I apologize in advance.

(Note: This is a world slightly different than the magical world of Harry Potter. Here, it’s non-magical human beings with no knowledge of the other side, while in shadows exist a world filled with Magical Creatures. They live in flow with humans, like werewolves, vampires, witches, shapeshifters, fairies, demons, ghouls etc.)

Sirius is a normal human.

He works as an ER nurse and he loves his job. It keeps him on his toes, he doesn’t mind the hours(on most days) and he loves the effort and the challenge of it.

One day, he meets a patient who has come in with bruised ribs and a dislocated shoulder.

And on that day, for the first time, Sirius fails to maintain his professional composure.

Because there is something about this patient that is quite intriguing and Sirius can’t seem to take his eyes off of him.

The patient (Lupin, R - as per his chart) has an ashen look to his skin and sunken eyes and looks about to fall apart but the brilliant gleam in his eyes that Sirius can only describe as glowing amber, a quiet strength to him and a weird tolerance for pain cause bells to ring in Sirius’ mind but he can’t seem to put a finger on why.

Despite his own internal struggle, Sirius goes about his duty, ordering tests, consulting the physician and discharging the patient when its time with proper instructions to be followed.

Once Sirius is done with the instructions, Lupin steps forward to thank him in a hoarse voice with those damnable eyes boring into Sirius’ own.

And then he is gone.

And Sirius only has a few minutes to stand there dumbstruck before duty calls and he’s back into the grind.

But, Sirius never seems to get Lupin out of his mind.

Days go by and on his off day Sirius decides to visit the Carnie book festival and runs into Lupin.

“Uh, Lupin. Hi”

“Call me Remus,” is the response with a feral grin showing too sharp teeth and gleaming eyes.

And, just like that Sirius is swept in.

They spend the day with one another, debating authors and books, recalling some of the funniest and the weirdest scenarios they have come across and Sirius can’t believe he’s actually having a great time.

They make plans for a movie night because Sirius has never seen ‘The Godfather’ but he has read the books but according to Remus that’s no excuse.

The movie night leads to a coffee date nearby Sirius’ hospital which then leads to a dinner date at Sirius’ apartment and weeks fly by as they fall more and more for each other with each passing day.

Or, at least, that’s what Sirius hopes is happening. For a workaholic loner like him, to have found someone like Remus who ticks all the boxes on Sirius’ list and is someone Sirius gets along with so well, he really desperately wishes that that is what is happening between them.

And it is, it’s true on both sides and Remus hates it.

Remus hates how quickly and irrevocably he is falling for Sirius.

Because what Sirius doesn’t know is that Remus is a werewolf.

A werewolf who is answerable to a pack and its leader.

Remus has been a werewolf for as long as he can remember. Despite growing up in the human world, Remus has always been tethered to this part of life and for him, Sirius is like a breath of fresh air.

And soon, it becomes an issue with his pack and his leader who is adamant about keeping their secret a secret. No human can know of their existence.

And Remus soon finds himself split between his heart and his duty.

And he follows his heart.

Months into their relationship, they have a steady equation going. Remus lives in bliss with Sirius. He himself working as a rare items collector can make up stories for when he needs to get away for his transformations and with Sirius’ work schedule none’s the wiser and life soon settles into a dream.

And it’s very easy to forget about the world when one’s living in a dream.

A pack war occurs between Remus’ pack and the Fangdeclan pack from the south over territory.

For which Remus is not present and his pack loses quite spectacularly.

Resentment rises in the ranks and the mate of one of the werewolves who died blames Remus and as an act of revenge decides to go after Sirius on the next full moon.

Not aware of the danger to his boyfriend, Remus leaves on one of his “trips” the following moon while Sirius has to cover shifts at the hospital.

Coming back to his apartment late into the night Sirius is attacked in the alley behind their housing complex.

Sirius, high on adrenaline, manages to escape and runs into the building and soon, into his apartment.

Panicking and panting, Sirius reaches into his denim pocket to call the police only for his fingers to come away coated in blood.

That is when he realizes the sharp sting running up and down his left thigh and he looks down to inspect and finds a vicious bite mark there.

And Sirius is scared, so, so scared and the adrenaline starts to wear off and mind-numbing pain settles in. He doesn’t understand what is happening, all of a sudden feeling extremely light-headed, failing in his attempts to call for help, he passes out.

And wakes with the moonset the following morning.

Feeling extremely groggy and downright weird, and unable to fathom the events that occured because looking down his injury is healed and all that’s left is the deep indentations of razor sharp teeth of the bite etched into his thigh.

He goes to the hospital and gets himself checked to find that he is in perfect health but he knows he’s not.

The smells in the hospital, having never bothered him before, assault his senses like a bulldozer. The smell of blood causes bile to rise in the back of his throat  and he has to get out of there.

His hearing is wonky and he can’t seem to keep steady hands. His vision keeps blurring in and out and somehow he finds his way back to the apartment.

Feeling dizzy and nauseated, unable to even think about eating something, he falls back asleep.

Upon awakening, all Sirius can obsess over is the bizarreness of everything and is so worried about Remus finding out. Because all Sirius can imagine is that this looks and sounds crazy to any sane person.

It’s not like Sirius can go into a police station and report of a wild animal attack, that may or may not have poisoned him with something, in the back alley of his apartment. He lives in the middle of a metropolitan city damnit.

It’s not like Sirius can say he’s hearing things, sounds and voices from far off and that his senses are going crazy. He knows if he had a patient who came in complaining like this, it’s off to the Psych ward.

So Sirius does the one thing that makes sense right now and that is to avoid everything and everyone.

He ignores Remus’ calls and messages enough to prompt his boyfriend to show up at his doorstep refusing to budge.

Finally, unable to hold it in, Sirius recounts what happened and how weird he’s feeling and everything and how insane all this sounds, he knows that, he does but Sirius begs Remus to understand that this is the truth because he is freaking out.

And to say Remus is dumbstruck is an understatement. He soon reconnects the dots and realises what has happened and he blurts out the truth about himself and the nature of the bite.

Sirius doesn’t believe him at first. Because Sirius thought he was going insane and compared to Remus’ answer, Sirius theories were far better of. But, when he does he blows over, because his feelings and emotions and his senses are all over the place and throws Remus out of the apartment.

Remus feels so guilty for being the cause of this happening to Sirius and he goes to the werewolf who did this to Sirius and picks a fight with them because Sirius had nothing to do with this and he was innocent.

His pack leader however breaks the fight up and urges him to bring Sirius in, stating what’s done is done.

Remus then reaches out to Sirius and says that Remus apologises, promising to help him and repeats a million times how he never wanted this to happen to Sirius and no matter how scared Sirius is, Remus assures him that he won’t let anything happen to him.

Utterly defeated, wanting more answers and seeing no way out, Sirius accepts. They talk and Remus explains about his pack, it’s dynamics, about mates, the effects the moon has on other nights it’s not full and the curse.

Somewhere in the middle, unable to help himself. Sirius makes a joke of whether he gets a new name now remarking on Remus’ name being tied to a wolf. Letting out a laugh, Remus replies that that’s not how it works and it was just his luck to be named Remus from the beginning.

He explains the nature of his “trips”, how Remus was bitten and what it’s gonna be like.

They even delve into talking about modern depictions of a werewolf in stories to how it actually is.

They talk, a lot. Sirius having to quit his job because he still can’t settle his senses.

And they prepare for the coming full moon.

They drive up to a private farmland spanning acres long.

Remus explains how the land belongs to an owner who himself is a lycanthrope and opens it up for any werewolf in the territory during the moons.

As they settle onto the ground awaiting the moonrise, Remus cannot take his eyes off Sirius.

As the first jolt of pain seizes him, Sirius let’s out a small groan shutting his eyes tight. Remus moves closer to him, as he is used to this for far too long. These small jolts are nothing compared to what’s actually coming and Remus wants to make it as easier as he can for Sirius, knowing it’s gonna be futile because soon Remus won’t be able to do anything. But he tries, if not anything then to let Sirius know he isn’t alone.

He places an arm over Sirius’ and Sirius immediately grabs onto his like a lifeline, eyes still shut tight. With teeth grit tight, Sirius enquires, “it’s gonna get worse isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Remus confirms without any sugar-coating because it’s not gonna help anyone.

Sirius hums in response as he relaxes back against the bark of the tree and slowly opens his eyes to meet Remus’

He smiles a sad sort of smile in return.

Soon they both are overtaken by the agony, feeling their bodies shift and twist. And where once sat two men, now holds two wolves standing proud sniffing one another curiously.

It’s a sight to behold, where Remus is all gold and brown fur, lithe long body; Sirius is sleek black fur coated around a muscular physique.

Where Remus’ hazel eyes take on a golden glow, Sirius’ grey eyes become glowing silver orbs, not unlike the full plump moon that stands witness to their curse time and time again.

And with that, a new chapter begins…

Only when they are back into their human shells does Sirius finally understand the instant connection and intrigue he had felt upon meeting Remus for the first time.

Even as a human, he had felt the faint echo of their bond.

And now as a werewolf, he could finally feel the tugging at his heart, the bond of a mate finally found.