#the challenge EXPLICITLY must be Punched In The Face

[skydigiblogs]

oughhh i was plagued by ghost game related thoughts today. this is messy and disorganized and a lot so don't mind me gbdsfhgbdjfg

it's been like half a year or so since i finished watching it so this is mostly unprompted and like

i do kind of wonder what would have happened with ghost game if instead of a bigger focus on purely pick up and go scooby doo shit, they were willing to tell an overarching story with the elements they had

i think i enjoyed it so much if only because it gave us something we hadn't seen much of to that point (that i'm now realizing is one of those things appmon heavily inspired in GG), that being digimon affecting technology in complex ways

(that's to say, not just bricking computers like giant magnets or making binary flash on the screen to ominous messages like makuramon does in tamers)

but like also digimon having more interactions with humans in general? just kind of hanging out and living in the human world? yeah the field exists and digimon can bworp in and out of being visible to humans without VBs, but they also live in a setting where they can mostly get away with just going "no yeah i'm just a very advanced hologram, dw about it :)"

i also refuse to get over the fact that gammamon is like, canonically plural, and i really wish we had more time with gulus after the finale ep reveals about him and the GRB shit.

also, i do wonder if maybe the series shot itself in the foot by not knowing what it wanted to do, plot wise? it gave us expectations in the first episode as an audience--- suggesting big and strange things to be delivered, and didn't seem to know how to really deliver on them while also trying to be that variety of scooby doo shit that doesn't have to have a throughline plot (aka, setting up a mystery inc style story when it's got a stated goal to be more like the original series)

i was still using reddit at the time GG started, and i remember a lot of people really wanting to hype it up as "the next tamers," especially after they saw the tone and structure of the first episode. in general, i wonder if high expectations put more scrutiny on GG than it might have otherwise gotten.

(this of course isn't to say that there's criticism to be had for GG. i mean i just said i personally have beef with its lack of narrative commitment. i'm just wondering if maybe some people got a little too excited to see a series that met the lofty nostalgia of something like tamers.)

anyways, idk, there's not really anywhere i'm going with this one, i just had some idle thoughts at work today about this series.

go read the gray matter ghost game fancomic or something (no i really have no clue why ghost game is on my mind, really)

[kao-tika]

hi again! ✨ here’s another fic rec, this time about fics that are based off movies or books let me know what you think 🎞️📚🩷

☆ Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don't know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six's victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven's victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

notes: this is one of my favorite fics of all time, you don’t have to be a big HG fan to enjoy this story ( but if you are i think it’s very accurate to the saga) so beautifully written and so gut wrenching in equal parts, amazing ending, cannot recommend it enough <3

☆ Take My Breath Away by RealityBetterThanFiction

There is a prestigious school in the British Royal Navy classified as Premier Delta - or as it is known by its flyers, 1D. These select pilots are an elite set of Naval lieutenants who are trained in the skill of aggressive aerial combat. They are instruments of war, trained in times of peace. They are dogfighters, relentless and fearless in their mission to protect their beloved country. From their lofty vantage, they are always watching, waiting, and ready to lay it all on the line.

Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground.

notes: checking the fic again for this rec I can’t find if it said it explicitly BUT this one gives mayor top gun vibes throughout the whole story, a really fun and cute fic

☆ The Afterlife Fic (The Best I Ever Had in My Entire Life... Or Death) by LovingCup

AU- After dying in an accident, Louis Tomlinson arrives in the Afterlife. Not Heaven and not Hell, Louis finds himself in Judgment City UK: a pristine city where the food and entertainment are divine and the newly departed must undergo a Review of their life on Earth to determine if they have lived a life worthy of advancement in the universe, or if they must be returned to Earth to be born again in a new body.

On his first full day in the Afterlife, Louis meets Harry Styles, and the two have an instant connection. Over the course of their Reviews, they fall in love and begin to find that even though they didn't know each other on Earth, they are nonetheless linked to one another in perfect ways. Both are hoping to move ahead in the universe together, but they are challenged with the threat of separation if one or both of them is sent back to Earth to be born again.

Loosely based on the Albert Brooks' film "Defending Your Life" starring Brooks and Meryl Streep. One scene in particular is drawn from the movie, but other than that scene and the general concept, this story veers far away from the film. There were no blowies in the 1991 movie, I swear!

notes: another one of my favorites! for what I remember, a long read, but so worth it. This story touches on topics of grief, loss, love, life and fears through the life of Louis and Harry and how they navigate their relationship in the afterlife (ends good).

☆ You Fill My Lungs With Sweetness (Can I Be Close to You?) by sideofzemblanity

Busy picturing Harry’s stupid face on the stupid dummy, Louis goes through a series of kicks before returning to a low guard and cycling through punches. Harry’s still talking, gesturing with his hands as he rounds Louis, standing to his back. “You do a few butt-shaping exercises, tighten this up a little bit,” he smacks Louis’ arse and the omega freezes while Harry cheerfully continues, ��you could pull this off.”

“You know what?” Louis snaps, lifting on his tiptoes to get the leverage so he can wrap his arm around the alpha’s neck, forcing him to bend in half while Louis locks him in a chokehold. “Pull this off,” he snarls. They stagger over a few steps, Louis gritting his teeth as Harry tries to break free. “Is it because Payne hates me?” he complains, voice edging on an annoyed whine, “Or is it, like, an omega thing?”

Too late, Louis realizes that Harry has got a grip on his leg and this time as he pulls against Louis’ hold, it loosens, the alpha lifting him in the air before slamming his back into the mat, breaking Louis’ grip completely. Harry kneels on the mat, hovering over him with a sneer, “Don’t kid yourself. Nobody thinks of you that way.”

aka the Miss Congeniality ABO AU nobody asked for

notes: SOOO funny, has a little bit of angst, friends to lovers, a short read so you don’t have excuses;)

☆ Come My Love Again by softfonds

Harry Styles is handsome, clever, and rich. At least that’s what his friends say of him. He also thinks of himself as a matchmaker in Highbury, pairing people together when he finds the time. But when the arrival of a certain gentleman flips Harry’s world on its head, he starts to question everything that was once all too familiar to him, including his relationship with his good friend, Mr. Tomlinson. An Emma AU.

notes: I really enjoyed the little bit of angst on this fic, i think it’s omegaverse if i don’t remember it wrong?. enjoy of Louis being a classic gentlemen

☆ In The Still Of The Night by jacaranda_bloom

In a society where omegas are expected to follow a predetermined path, Louis strives for more; for his voice to be heard, for recognition, for true love.

In a world where your past defines your future, Harry fights against the system; for equality, for a different life, for acceptance.

When their two worlds collide, will they be beaten down by conformity or will they rise up and forge a new path together?

OR the Dirty Dancing AU where Louis is a feisty omega who wants to change the world, Harry is an alpha from the wrong side of the tracks, and nobody puts Louis in a corner.

notes: the fic that I didn’t know I need, is dirty dancing with larry do I really need to say more?

☆ in a world alone by falsegoodnight

Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him.

Because the swan is gone.

And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen.

A Swan Lake AU

notes: a really cute one shot, fairy tale vibes ;)

☆ hold on to your heart by falsegoodnight

“Come here for a second.”

Harry’s brows furrow, glancing aside like he thinks Louis may be talking to someone else. Louis jerks his head beside him, impatient, and the alpha steps into the room cautiously.

Louis turns back to Royce and Hunt who are staring at him in confusion. He pastes a pleasant smile onto his face, clasping his hands together. “Gentlemen, I understand. I understand the predicament that we are in…” He clears his throat. “But there is something you should know.”

“What is this, Louis?” Royce asks, exchanging a look with Hunt.

Taking a few steps backward until he is beside a very bewildered looking Harry, Louis takes a deep breath. “We are, uh –” He reaches out and touches Harry’s arm. You cannot actually be doing this, he thinks. But then he does. “We are getting married.”

The Proposal AU, where Louis is the no-nonsense editor in chief of one of the largest publishing houses in the country, and Harry is the unlucky assistant that gets roped into a fake engagement to prevent his boss from being deported. Things don't go as planned.

notes: really funny and cute I enjoyed reading it sm!!

☆ through chaos as it swirls, it’s us against the world by sweetfairydreams

corporal styles is sent on a suicidal mission, at his hands the lives of hundreds of men that are going straight into a trap. he ends up finding louis, the french and most beautiful boy he ever seen, and a baby, in a basement of a dead city.

based on the movie 1917

notes: a cute and wholesome story <3

──⋆˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆˚｡⋆──

[syncogon]

tka ep33 (s3 ep9)

my favorite forever-17 baby T_T you look kind of generic here but i still love you

they really made some baffling sartorial decisions in this ep like what's the in-universe reason that li rui and qf are the only ones wearing ee team uniform but then when they go take the challenge qf literally changes out of his uniform to do so. i know narratively it's gonna be so that he can go look for yx at happy cafe but then why not just have him not wearing the uniform here.

also i'm sorry but what even is this tshirt sweater collared shirt qf would never. it's not even red.

tbh i miss clear plastic jacket qf.

anyway. the flashbacks! his expressions! wahhhhh

despite all the other animation complaints, i think i like the fight animation in s3 more than in s2—they're more creative with the choreography which i really enjoy, that's something that you can only really get in this medium, that creative license with the game mechanics. in s2 i noticed they took a lot of shortcuts with like impact backgrounds and face closeups etc

yx's expression when he realizes how much qf hates him at this moment 😭

i like this portrayal of the coaching match! obviously in the novel they can be much more subtle with it, vs here where yx has to point out things explicitly—but i like getting to know these specific details!

qf's angry voice 😭

dm has this saved as his secret desktop wallpaper (sorry someone had to screencap it)

oooh yeah and i remember some of these moves from the trailers. man i love spear fights gotta be my fave cold weapon

omg yx shaking out his hands 😭 also this def would've been a smoke break except we can't show yx smoking anymore lol

maybe in THIS universe qf will catch up to yx <- me, delusional

but no actually the editing for that whole chasing bit, the camera panning and the cuts and split screen—very nice very heart-breaking 🥺 god bb is just so efficient with storytelling like qf isn't even mentioned until now and then BAM heartwrenching backstory

i love how thye convey the difference in time via the lighting... same street but just missed each other...

alrighttt but at least in this universe we must still get the cinematic punch yeahhhh wooooo

the bgm for this whole ep is truly on point

boo he didn't even fall over

ooh next ep preview has some fun shots im excited!!! everlasting! dawn rifle!

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

Parks and Rec anon

Bowling for Votes. So the first couple of times I watched this episode, I was on Leslie’s side about denouncing that one guy’s behavior, and I do still agree he acted inappropriately.

However! After watching the show multiple times, and thus seeing Leslie’s more frustrating behaviors over and over, my attitude toward Leslie in the episode started to turn.

Leslie always thinks she’s right and should get her way, so anyone that opposes her (that isn’t from the main group or a citizen long established to be an antagonist to her like Joan or the Langmens, and even then there’s been internal conflict) must be swayed or defeated.

She orchestrates this whole bowling party and reads up on the guy’s interests to sway him. There’s no guarantee this will work, except that she’s Leslie, so of course it’s guaranteed. And when he says he’s still not going to vote for her, she’s confused and pointing out everything she’s done for him, as if that entitles her to his vote. It was all practically a bribe, but he didn’t know that.

So he says straight out that he just doesn’t like her. Her response is to then insult his bowling skill and reveal she let him win, then challenges him explicitly for his vote. She wins, which embarrasses him, so he calls her a bitch, and then gets punched in the face by Ben.

She holds a press conference to publicly apologize, but then decides to instead stick to her guns with her disapporval of his behavior and accept that some people won’t like her.

Yay, Leslie stood her ground and learned! And she publicly painted this random guy as bad because of how he acted in a situation she caused. The last couple times I’ve watched this it’s been like “He was drunk (because you supplied him with copious amounts of beer), and he was rude and aggressive and a potty mouth (because you insulted and humiliated him bc he wouldn’t give you what you want). So I’m not gonna apologize.”

Imagine being invited to a fun thing you like, then someone you don’t like supplies you with good stuff, with no pretense that it’s in exchange for something, and you don’t agree to give them that thing, so they insult and embarrass you. You retaliate with one bad word, so you get assaulted and publicly painted as the one who was in the wrong and refused an apology. Screw that person, right?!

Leslie gets a lot of undeserved backlash and grief from the citizens of Pawnee. But if it was ever about this? I’d say it’s deserved.

I don’t dislike the episode, I’ve just come to dislike Leslie in it.

It’s been a while since I seen that episode but I’ll say in defense that if the fellow agreed to the game and then blew up after losing, that’s still on him. He could’ve chosen not to participate and calling someone a bitch for beating you in a game is grounds to be punched by their husband iyam.

But I’m not gonna argue but Leslie’s general demeanor as I haven’t seen the episode in a long time.

I do wanna say though, great analysis I’m very happy to see someone think so critically about something they’re consuming-well done.

[dankusner]

HOLE's enduring feminist legacy

Hole's 30th anniversary of album "Live Through This" and Courtney Love's feminist legacy

The enduring feminist legacy of Hole: 30 years later, must we still "Live Through This"?

Then and now, Courtney Love delivers raw and unapologetic lyrics that confront trauma, sexuality and agency

Decades after its April 1994 release, Hole's iconic album "Live Through This" remains a poignant testament of enduring relevance to feminist discourse.

As the album commemorates its anniversary, BBC Sounds is offering up eight hours of "Courtney Love's Women," a deep-diving interview series reflecting on many of the female musicians who have inspired her work over the years.

It will be interesting to hear how Love lays bare the web of influences that helped spawn "Live Through This," and it's equally important to plot Love's own point in that web as a foremother of the feminist creative juices that flow into our present time over the 30 years since the release of that album.

With its raw emotion, unapologetic lyricism and unbridled energy, "Live Through This" not only revolutionized the alternative rock scene but also served as a rallying cry for feminist expression.

One of the most striking aspects of "Live Through This" is its unabashed portrayal of female experience that certainly shared in the raging sentiment of the times.

At its core, the album embodies the spirit of riot grrrl, a feminist movement that emerged in the early 1990s, advocating for gender equality, challenging societal norms and empowering women through do-it-yourself activism that treated the music industry as a site of cultural production that was begging for significant disruption.

Hole, led by the fearlessly complicated Courtney Love, became synonymous with this movement in using their music as a platform to confront issues such as sexism, abuse and the complexities of female identity.

Love would probably still disagree with this characterization, as she did in the lyrics to “Rock Star” that explicitly made fun of riot grrrl by arguing that their template for activism was just as guilty of cookie-cutter sameness as the crass commercialism the movement was hoping to defy: “Well I went to school in Olympia, ya, ya, ya / And everyone’s the same.”

There was also that time at Lollapalooza when Love punched Bikini Kill’s singer Kathleen Hanna in the face, as inflicting physical harm on a fellow revolutionary isn’t an especially good look for the cause.

Despite Love’s insistence on the hard-rocking uniqueness of Hole compared to other female-fronted bands of the 1990s, whether it was riot grrrl style feminism or not, one of the most striking aspects of "Live Through This" is its unabashed portrayal of female experience that certainly shared in the raging sentiment of the times.

Tracks like "Violet," "Miss World," and "Jennifer's Body" delve into themes of trauma, self-destruction, and the pressures of conforming to societal expectations.

"Violet," captures the raw essence of anguish and defiance, with Love's vocals oscillating between haunting whispers and fierce screams, embodying the struggles of navigating abusive relationships and asserting autonomy.

"Miss World" confronts the toxic standards of beauty and the commodification of femininity, exposing the internalized self-loathing experienced by many women with lines like “Now I’ve made my bed, I’ll die in it.”

"Jennifer's Body" stands as a visceral anthem of reclaiming power, with its searing guitar riffs and unapologetic lyrics challenging traditional notions of female passivity and victimhood.

Love's lyrics are pretty much always simultaneously confrontational and vulnerable, offering a glimpse into the tumultuous landscape of womanhood.

The Gurlesque club

Fast-forwarding to the 21st Century, Love might prefer that "Live Through This" be viewed as a precursor to the Gurlesque poetry movement, which emerged in the early 2000s.

Gurlesque poetics is characterized by a subversive blend of the grotesque and the feminine, mirroring the album's exploration of femininity through a lens of defiance and subversion.

Both mediums challenge traditional notions of femininity, reclaiming the female body and experience from patriarchal scrutiny.

Writer Arielle Greenberg, co-editor of the genre-defining and thus aptly named "Gurlesque" poetry anthology (Saturnalia Books, 2010), couldn’t agree more.

Of the "Live Through This" album cover, she says, “The triumphant beauty queen, with her skeezy bouquet, awkward tiara and mascara smudged all over her face, is a good representation of what the Gurlesque embodies: a performative hyper-femininity (to the point of absurdity), a mash-up of the sublime and the grotesque, a basking in the archetypes/stereotypes of girlhood.”

She credits Love as one of her inspirations for this poetic movement and for some of her own work, calling the "Live Through This" lyrics “furious and funny, feverish and sarcastic” and concluding that even “the name of the band is likewise an embodiment of the Gurlesque’s Fourth Wave feminist ‘agenda’: brash and obscene, it reclaims rape culture slang and centers the gynocentric as a point of pride.”

Affective outcomes

Another take on Hole’s contribution to the current wave of feminist thinking might connect "Live Through This" with Lauren Berlant’s affect theories, which really took off in 2008 with "The Female Complaint" and then were cemented in 2011 as a thrilling academic avenue with "Cruel Optimism" (both Duke University Press).

Berlant was a highly regarded cultural critic, and although they never directly commented on Love’s work, it’s easy to see how their theories apply.

Berlant emphasizes the importance of understanding how people negotiate and experience power dynamics within the broader cultural landscape, proposing a nuanced approach that considers the affective dimensions of gendered subjectivity — i.e. the ways individuals internalize and respond to social norms and expectations.

In "Live Through This," Love delivers raw and unapologetic lyrics that confront trauma, sexuality and agency.

Love's raw emotional intensity fosters a sense of camaraderie and connection among listeners.

The album's opening track, "Violet," sets the tone with its defiant chorus: "Go on, take everything, take everything, I dare you to."

Here, Love asserts her autonomy in the face of attempts to diminish her worth, echoing Berlant's emphasis on the negotiation of power within intimate relationships.

Throughout the album, Love's lyrics navigate the complexities of female desire and self-expression.

"Miss World" encapsulates the tension between conforming to traditional gender roles and rejecting them. In songs like "Doll Parts" and "Jennifer's Body," she explores themes of objectification and agency, challenging conventional notions of femininity and sexuality.

Berlant's framework helps us understand these songs not as simple expressions of rebellion, but as nuanced reflections of the affective tensions inherent in gendered identity formation.

Furthermore, the album engages with Berlant's concept of gendered subjectivities, which emphasizes the fluid and performative nature of identity.

Love's persona oscillates between vulnerability and defiance, embodying the contradictions and complexities of female experience.

This fluidity is evident in tracks like "Jennifer's Body" and "Gutless," where Love adopts different personas to explore the multiplicity of feminine identity and challenge essentialist notions of womanhood.

This gives rise to new possibilities for belonging, where the album’s themes of solidarity and sisterhood can be seen through Berlant's lens of affective attachments.

Love's raw emotional intensity fosters a sense of camaraderie and connection among listeners, inviting them to empathize with her struggles and find solace in collective resistance.

Songs like "Softer, Softest" evoke a sense of shared experience and mutual support with lines like “I’d give you anything / And I know that you won’t tell on me,” underscoring the importance of community in navigating patriarchal oppression.

The album’s exploration of trauma and resilience very obviously engages with Berlant's concept of cruel optimism, too.

The gist is that people often cling to fantasies of fulfillment and happiness, even when these fantasies are ultimately unattainable or harmful.

Hole’s album grapples with the aftermath of personal and collective trauma, channeling both anger and vulnerability into the music.

Songs like "She Walks on Me" confront the violence and objectification faced by women, while also acknowledging the complexities of survivorship, as in the deployment of the lyric – eight times in a row, each one inflected just a little bit differently – that forms the album’s title during "Asking for It": “If you live through this with me / I swear that I would die for you.”

"Live Through This" offers a visceral exploration of gendered subjectivity and affective relations as Love confronts the complexity of womanhood in a patriarchal society.

She challenges listeners to reckon with the intersections of power, desire, and resilience.

In doing so, she creates a space for resistance and solidarity that is true to Berlant’s affective project, inviting listeners to live through the contradictions and complexities of lived experience.

“Do it for the kids, yeah”

In today's sociopolitical climate, the approach of "Live Through This" remains as relevant as ever.

In an era marked by ongoing struggles for social justice surrounding gender and sexuality, the onslaught of legislative and court battles to preserve reproductive rights, and the #MeToo movement’s respectability blowing hot and cold, the album's themes of absolute endurance and f**k-all-this punk attitude resonate freshly and deeply with today’s audiences.

Love's unapologetic embrace of her own contradictions and vulnerabilities serves as a powerful reminder of the strength inherent in owning one's truth, especially in the face of systematic adversity.

Speculating on Courtney Love's intentions for the album in today's context is both intriguing and complex.

Love, known for her outspoken activism and unapologetic persona, would likely want "Live Through This" to continue inspiring listeners to challenge societal norms and confront injustice.

In a world where feminism is often co-opted and commodified, Love would probably emphasize the importance of maintaining authenticity and staying true to one's convictions.

Moreover, Love would want the album to serve as a catalyst for conversations surrounding mental health, addiction and the complexities of fame.

She and the rest of the band have repeatedly grappled with these issues in the public eye, with Love being the most vocal about the need for destigmatization and empathy, as in this typically smart and wide-ranging 20-questions interview in Interview Magazine in 2019.

Love is able to delve into personal struggles with femininity, motherhood and societal expectations, while simultaneously addressing universal themes of oppression and resistance.

Through "Live Through This" she continues to shed light on the darker corners of the human experience for the next generation of young listeners, urging her audience to confront their own demons with ferocious bravery and a biting sense of humor.

Hole created something that’s more than a nostalgic gem of a self-aware album: it’s a manifesto for the gutsy, the screwed up and the savagely feminist, even if “feminist” isn’t her favorite f-word.

[influencermagazineuk]

Marcy Wudarski, Know About The James Gandolfini's Ex-Wife

Marcy Wudarski is best known for being the former wife of the late actor James Gandolfini. However, she had a career in the entertainment industry, working behind the scenes as a film producer. Her story, though overshadowed by her husband's fame, is worth telling. Born on February 6, 1967, Wudarski grew up in a military family, but there is no information about her higher education. She pursued a career as a film producer, with one of her notable productions being the movie "Wish You Were Here." Her other productions have yet to be disclosed, but her work behind the scenes in the entertainment industry highlights her passion for the craft. Wudarski's path crossed with Gandolfini's in 1995 when he hired her as his personal secretary. At that time, Gandolfini's career was still in its early stages. They began dating shortly after, and they moved into a West Village apartment together. In March 1999, the couple got married in a small and private ceremony, with Wudarski already pregnant with their first child, Michael. Their marriage was short-lived, and they divorced not long after. Though she never explicitly revealed the reason for their divorce, she did mention that Gandolfini struggled with drugs and alcohol abuse during their marriage. Gandolfini's addiction to drugs and alcohol, as well as the arguments that would often ensue, became the subject of journalist Brett Martin's book "The Sopranos: The Book." Martin wrote, "Gandolfini's wife described increasingly serious issues with drugs and alcohol, as well as arguments during which the actor would repeatedly punch himself in the face out of frustration." Wudarski's comments shed light on the challenges that Gandolfini faced behind the scenes, despite his success in front of the camera. Gandolfini passed away in 2013 due to a heart attack while on vacation in Italy with his son, Michael. Wudarski attended the internment and put on a brave face, despite the grief she must have been feeling. Michael, now an adult, is following in his father's footsteps as an actor. He starred in "The Many Saints of Newark," the prequel to "The Sopranos," where he played the younger version of Tony Soprano, his father's iconic character. Michael's portrayal of his father's character earned him high praise from both fans and critics. He studied each episode of the show's first season to prepare for the role, highlighting his dedication to the craft. The pressure was intense for Michael, who admitted, "There's fear, but the second layer, that a lot of people don't think about, which was actually harder, is to play Tony Soprano." Despite the pressure, Michael delivered an outstanding performance that would undoubtedly make his father proud. Marcy Wudarski's story is a reminder that even those who work behind the scenes can have a significant impact on the entertainment industry. Her work as a film producer, combined with her role as the mother of Michael Gandolfini, shows her commitment to the craft and her family. The challenges that she faced as the wife of James Gandolfini only highlight the importance of addressing addiction and mental health in the entertainment industry. This article is optimized for high searched SEO terms such as "Marcy Wudarski," "James Gandolfini," "Michael Gandolfini," "Sopranos," "Tony Soprano," "Wish You Were Here," and "film producer." A suggested title for this article Read the full article

[2am-theswifthour]

The 8 Theory-Folklore’s Commentary on Youth

Yesterday, I took note of @taylorswift​ and her careful attention to the number 8.

“Not a lot going on at the moment” had 8 words. The 8th track is “august,” which is also the 8th month in the year. She has 8 deluxe editions of her album. Many attributed this to Folklore being Taylor’s 8th album. I thought it meant either a.) we needed to pay very close attention to track #8 or b.) that 8 references infinity, a.k.a “forever and ever.”

To my surprise, I was actually selling Taylor Swift short.

When listening to the album, there’s a lot of back and forth in emotion and circumstance. I was confused about the order, especially when the strikingly sobering “hoax” followed the self-aware almost-tranquility of “peace.” Then it hit me. There are two schools of thought going on.

There are 16 tracks on Folklore (excluding the bonus track none of us have heard). 16/2=8. This means there are 2 equal emotional song threads on the album. In other words, you can get two drastically different lessons listening to each group of 8.

When you separate the even numbered tracks from the odd numbered tracks you get the following:

Odd

the 1

the last great american dynasty

my tears ricochet

seven

this is me trying

invisible string

epiphany

peace

Even

cardigan

exile

mirrorball

august

illicit affairs

mad woman

betty

hoax

Odd Interpretation:

Starting with “the 1” and “the last great american dynasty,” the lyrics are very upfront in showing that the protagonists are making fully intentioned mistakes. “the 1” says, “in my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone” (I see you “ME!” reference). In “the last great American dynasty” it says, “she had a marvelous time ruining everything.” These characters’ folly is their youth-induced selfishness. They’re casual in the harm they cause because they distance themselves from it. They’re fine with what they don’t look at closely. When you’re young, you make a mess of things in service of YOUR need. Your need for companionship. Your need for the thrill of danger. Your need to make your mark, to be somebody, to leave something behind. The marvel of the excitement and the chase and the very vitality of teens to 20-somethings’ shenanigans blinds us to the scale of our destruction…

…until you have no choice but to face the consequences of your recklessness.

The next track, “my tears ricochet” is not your average track 5. It functions as a pivoting point. Now our narrator is the hurt party, the one baring the brunt of callous treatment. Fickle mistreatment is no longer so casual. Now it’s a torment, and the tormentor learns the scale of their damage. So much so, that they get burned too. They learned their lesson at a terrible price, but what’s most important is that they learned.

“seven” is a long-overlooked memory revisited. In this picture of naïve innocence, the narrator tells of their childish belief in the impossible. Through magic and play pretend and fantasy they are invincible. They have all the control in the world to control the world they live in. Obviously, this is a flawed perspective that everyone eventually grows out of. Fairy tales don’t solve real problems. The point is that their sense of self-importance is in service of a stronger moral compass than the first two songs. If we accept our responsibility to others, to do what we can to ensure their welfare, are we not better and more satisfied people for it?

“this is me trying” hears that lesson and attempts to walk the walk. Part of being responsible to your fellow human is taking accountability when you fumble. The narrator doesn’t know what to say or how to make it right. What they do know is that they’re here, they’ve put the bottle down, and that they’re willing to try what’s necessary to heal what they’ve hurt.

“invisible string” gives us the reward we’ve been waiting for. The narrator says, “cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart, now I send their babies presents.” This is someone who has gone from lashing out in anger at a partner from a burned relationship to genuinely wishing them well in their next stage in life. It’s a powerful testament when you can recognize that youth drives us all to make hurtful decisions and that no one is immune to change if they truly want to change. When you let the anger and lies go, the strings that tied you to them fade away. All that’s left is the string you want to hold onto. The string tied to the one who matters, because you’ve made the conscious decision to deduce that their worth as a person should equal yours. It’s a painful path to traverse through, but when you do it’s all worthwhile. That’s why the narrator can say with confidence “hell was the journey but it brought me to heaven.”

In any other album, a song like “invisible string” would be the quintessential emotional payoff for this story arc. However, because this album is a masterpiece, we have a different payoff point in “epiphany.” “epiphany” takes us out of the world of a romantic relationship. We hear descriptions of war and nurses dealing with the despair of this international pandemic. This point in this emotional thread is that it powerfully declares it’s not enough to do no harm nor is it enough to just empathize with your romantic partner. You MUST show your responsibility to your fellow man. Stand beside them. Empathize with them. See them as whole human beings. Do good by them. In other words, it is our duty to do right by everyone, for everyone bleeds, loves, and dies.

The 8-song selection ends with “peace.” The song begins by saying that their, “coming-of-age” has come and gone.” I believe this (along with “invisible string”) to be the most overtly “Taylor Swift” track in perspective. This is her speaking as herself. She lets us know that she’s grown through taking her mistakes, and the mistakes she learned through folklore, into account. She is overly aware of her flaws and feels she pales in comparison to her partner. Rather than allow those insecurities to manifest in unchecked rage or resentment, she takes it as a challenge for herself to do better. She knows she can never give him complete peace (due to inside and outside factors), but she can make the choice to give him unselfish promises and embrace the entirety of her partner’s life. This is a person who has learned the value of selflessness in love and life, which makes this whole thread worth everything.

Even Interpretation:

“cardigan” foreshadows the eventual failure of the even path. The odd interpretation I just described culminated in the narrator finding their place with “the one” because they’ve left everything petty and casually cruel behind. In “cardigan” it says “chase two girls, lose the one.” On top of this directly referencing the first track, it also implies the partner’s self-destruction. By toying with two girls, James is losing “the one.” I don’t think losing “the one” means that you keep one of the two of them. I think it means that engaging in that kind of behavior makes you into a person that isn’t ready, or worthy, of “the one” that they are meant to be with forever. Meeting and keeping “the one” has to require each partner to love themselves and their partner wholly, truly, and selflessly. They can’t be a cardigan you pick up and only wear on the weekends. They must be a wholehearted commitment.

“exile” shows the blowout from “cardigan.” The two couldn’t stay together, and Bon Iver’s (character’s) toxicity comes out full force. He thinks her new man is lesser than him. He’s prepared to throw punches despite being at fault over a hundred times. He’s seen the film before, and he didn’t like the ending because it didn’t work out for him. He wants her under his thumb, not having learned from his prior relationships that that just can’t work. They leave out the side doors, neither fully ready to confront the problems head on.

“mirrorball” is daring in its shift of focus. While all of the tracks I’ve mentioned thus far have dealt, in some way, with the problems that result from a young person’s selfishness, this song doesn’t do that. This song illustrates an extreme that young people participate in at the opposite end of the spectrum; radical selflessness. To be selfless means that you should never allow something that harms someone else to happen just because it benefits you. Young people, girls in particular, are often groomed to interpret selflessness differently. Their definition is synonymous with accommodation. Change your looks, change your personality, don’t object, and embody what your partner wants so that they’re happy. That’s why the symbol is the mirrorball in the song. It reflects everything in the room but itself. By explicitly not factoring in their own sense of self-respect in a relationship, they are unknowingly and tragically enabling their partner’s mistreatment. To be clear, that doesn’t mean abuse is their fault if they have low self-esteem. It’s not, even remotely. But not having the capacity to defend your self-worth is what keeps so many drawn into toxic relationships there for so long. This radical selflessness manifests itself in the other woman too. In “august” it explicitly says that she was living on the, “hope of it all” and that she would cancel plans in the name of a potential hookup with someone who was never hers. The idea of radical selflessness culminates in “illicit affairs” when one of the women deals with their addictive compulsion toward someone who treats them like a cheap lay. Their relationship is a secret that leaves her feeling used in parking lots and as though any trace of her is gone. These three songs have taken the desperate hopelessness of “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” to the extreme.

Many have speculated that “mad woman” is a commentary on the Taylor/Scooter conflict and I’m inclined to agree. However, if I were to assign an interpretation that goes with my theory, I would say that “mad woman” details the unforeseen consequences of a tormentor’s abuse. When a toxic partner performs bad behavior, their expectation is that they will always be found in the right. After all, Taylor noted on her previous album that for men, “everyone believes [them].” So in the face of lies about her character that everyone believes, she gets rightfully angry. Her anger is their affirmation. For many, a woman being angry on her own behalf is “crazy” and “irrational.” What kind of a society have we set up? A society that promotes women to lack self-worth and, should they find it, they’ll meet a whole other exile.

“betty” is our complete look into James’ perspective. On its own, it sounds like a big romantic gesture to get behind. However, this path is very clear to put “cardigan” first. “cardigan” says, “I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired and you’d be standin’ in my front porch light.” Lo and behold, in “betty” he shows up to her party when she doesn’t want to see him and asks if she would, “kiss [him] on the porch in front of all [her] stupid friends.” It’s an absolute punch in the gut. Betty knows in “cardigan” that he would come back after he had his fun with another girl, but that she would take him back when he saw momentary value in her again. James in “betty” claims he didn’t know anything, but that’s just an excuse. He knew what he was doing, he knew that he would be able to pick up her broken pieces with ease, he knew he could isolate her from her friends, and he knew that he could capture the imperfect “comfort” of that cardigan again.

This path ends in the final even-numbered song, “hoax.” In the odd numbers, “peace” shows a lesson learned. This even path shows what happens when we don’t learn. The seeds of youth-driven mistakes have led us here. The narrator wants nothing outside the pain of this faithless love. Without learning what it means to be selfless, the traumas of these young relationships create a never-ending cycle. The narrator knows that the “love” is a “hoax” but doesn’t care because that’s all they have. There’s no point to wanting anything else. Without the perspective of age, of truly going beyond that, they’re stuck in a truly dark place.

Final Thoughts:

Taylor Swift is an exceptional artist for a lot of reasons. No one makes albums this good this far into their career. Most artists teeter off after two or three because they retread. Their audience inevitably gets bored of them e same thing time and again. Repeating themselves is something that a lot of artists do because they want to go with the formula of what works. With Folklore, Taylor has done what few artists have dared to do. She’s allowed her discography as a place to uncompromisingly expand her worldview and challenge her listeners. She’s not reiterating previous lessons to make another quick sale. Instead, every album prior has been a steppingstone. As she said at the Time 100 Gala, she has truly turned her lessons into her legacy. From a variety of narrators, she has brought what I decree to be her best album to date. This wouldn’t happen for anyone else 8 albums into their career, but she’s done it by devoutly embracing age’s wisdom.

Learn from the highs and lows presented in these paths. As all good folklore does, it teaches us how to live better. It is our duty to live selflessly and with self-assured dignity. These writings, I have no doubt, will become integral to the legend that is Taylor Alison Swift.

[sunnysidekit]

Summary: All is fair in love and war. And boxing, too, apparently.

Pairing: Ben ‘Benny’ Miller x F!Reader (no y/n, reader’s boxing nickname is ‘Nyx’)

Warnings: Language, mentions of violence.

Word count: 2.2k

My masterlist

Everyone likes a good mystery. Don’t even try to deny it; whether you like Sherlock Holmes or if you’re more of an Agatha Christie fan, none of us can really escape the allure of a good conundrum every now and again. Some people can stare in the face of their mystery and not recognize it for quite some time, while others can practically smell them from a mile away. Ben Miller is part of, well, both groups.

Personally, he likes mysteries and surprises and such, but his army days have taught him all of those are a bad thing. A mission can collapse after the smallest detail changes, after all. Sometimes those missions are called off; other than the fact that he can’t do his job when that happens, he’s not really bothered by it. But when something catches him and his team by surprise during a mission and they have to get on with it anyway, things tend to… let’s say, not end well for everyone. And that’s gently put, of course.

Which is why when he’s at home between deployments, he likes his simple habits. They provide joy and adrenaline, and boy does he need both to function well. One of those habits is boxing. He likes it because of its simplicity; you punch your opponent, they punch you back, and so on and so forth until one of you stops. He’s good at it, too. Will always says that’s because he practiced a lot on him when they were younger. Ben says he’s the one with the good genes. Their mother was a fighter, too, after all.

The other reason he likes boxing is because your opponents always try to surprise you with a little mystery move. It’s fun for him to figure out how to respond in a split second, and the rush he gets when he does so successfully is almost unparalleled. Today, though, the only real surprise is the sudden appearance of his very own mystery. And, hey, you might know where this one’s going: it appears in the shape of a woman…

Benny whoops when he kicks open the door to his old high school gym’s changing room, but it sounds a bit less enthusiastic than it did after his last match. He knew he should have listened to Will and gone somewhere, anywhere else than back to Red Feather Lakes, but he’s not about to mention it when he can already imagine the smug grin spreading across his brother’s face.

He won, that’s what counts. And it’s not that bad to have done so after what is sure to be America’s easiest boxing match. That just means he’s good at it. The crowd went just as wild as it usually does, even though there were significantly less attendants than two weeks ago. Somehow, none of the arguments he tells himself really convinces him.

“All right!” Catfish says triumphantly from behind him. “Looks like all that training paid off, didn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Benny trails off as his slightly blurry vision comes back into focus. There’s someone sitting on one of the benches, someone he doesn’t know. It’s a woman; her aura tells him she’s all business, but her clothes tell him she also definitely plays. “Who’re you?”

The woman doesn’t respond immediately; only after half a minute of casually typing away on her phone does she look up and meet his eye. “Name’s Val,” she says, her facial expression one he can’t quite place. “And I’m about to ask you something you won’t be able to ignore.”

It’s important to notice that Benny isn’t particularly patient in his post-fight high, something Frankie knows very well. He becomes a bomb of electric energy that, once set off, won’t stop until every single muscle in his body gives out. And he’s about to be set off.

“Val, is it?” Frankie smiles at the woman, swiftly moving his friend to the showers. “Why don’t we talk while he cools down, hm?”

“You’re not the one I want to ask a question,” she says calmly, not taking her eyes off Benny. “You’re a Delta boy, aren’t you? I can see it in the way you fight. It takes regular boxers years to develop such a sensitive, quick response capability.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And that makes me think that oaf out there’s a long way from even thinking of acquiring your skillset. It’s impressive how easily you had him on the mat.”

“Ma’am, if you want an autograph-” Frankie tries, sensing the ticking time-bomb next to him is about to blow, but Val immediately interjects.

“Which is precisely what caught my eye. These men are no challenge for you anymore, but I think I know someone who could be. Should you accept their invitation, that is.”

“Do I know him?” Benny narrows his eyes at her, trying by god to figure out her angle in all of this. She smirks and closes her eyes a few seconds longer than a normal blink would take; touchy subject, maybe? Or perhaps he’s right and he has seen the guy before.

“You might have seen them around, sure. But I doubt you’d remember them.”

“So, what? I say yes and I’ll fight your friend here next week or something?” Benny snatches his towel from his bag and snaps it against the wall in annoyance.

“I’m afraid my friend’s a little more… complex than that, Mr. Miller.”

“Hey, uh, no thanks,” Frankie cuts in, waving his hands as if to dissipate the words in the air. “He doesn’t do illegal fights.”

“He’d have plausible deniability,” Val says with a slight tilt of her head, then turns back to face Benny and hands him a business card. "Anyway, the choice is yours, Mr. Miller, not your friend’s. I don’t need an answer right now. Do take your time to think it over, sleep on it a bit. Once you’re a little more comfortable with the idea, give this number a call. I’ve got a feeling they’d very much like to bruise that pretty face of yours until it looks like a Monet.”

She gets up from the bench and walks out of the changing room without looking back. Benny slips the business card into his jacket pocket, something that catches Frankie’s attention.

“Don’t do it, Ben,” he sighs. “I’m serious. You could get arrested, get your ass thrown in jail. You’ll get kicked out of the army.”

“Stop whining, Fish. I’m not gonna do it anyway.”

Despite explicitly telling Frankie he wouldn’t do it, here he is, standing outside his local gym with his phone in one hand and the curious looking business card in the other. There’s not a lot of info on it, but, hey, what did he expect? That an illegal streetfighter would publish their own name, address and contact info on a bunch of business cards?

There are only two things printed on the grey little card: Nyx, which must be the fighter’s nickname or something, and a phone number. It’s been in his jacket pocket ever since he left his old high school, but it felt like it’s been burning a hole in it the entire time. It’s exactly as Val said it would be. He can’t get her proposition out of his mind, no matter how hard he tries.

She’s right about the competition. They’re no match for him, not the ones here in Red Feather Lakes. And, sure, he could always just sign up for something three towns over, but it wouldn’t matter much. How she found out he’s in the Delta Force is beyond him, though. It’s policy not to broadcast such a position if you want to stay in it. Maybe she has connections in the army…

That’s another thing; his place in the army. It would be gone as soon as he gets caught, and it’s not like he’s got great job prospects waiting for him back home when all he’s done for the past ten years is train to get where he is now. No college degree, no other jobs to list on his resume, no wealthy parents to fall back on… His whole life would go up in smoke.

But it does entice him. He technically does illegal things for his job all the time, and the matches he engages in when he has some down time aren’t really scratching that one particular itch anymore. Let’s face it: one phone call can’t hurt, right? He can still refuse, say no, put his foot down. Maybe even convince this guy to go legit.

He pushes the little green receiver on the screen, then puts his phone to his ear. The dial tone beeps three times before someone picks up. He opens his mouth to say something, but the person on the other side is quicker.

“Ben Miller, I presume?” It’s… a woman. But not Val. “Val told me you’d be giving me a call.”

“And you’re…” he quickly flips over the card just to be sure, “…Nyx, then?”

“Got it in one. I do so hate it when Val forgets to mention my name in the initial interview.”

Benny huffs out a confused laugh. “Interview?”

“You aced it, by the way. Not saying too much is best when talking with my… let’s call her my associate,” the woman says. Her voice is softer than Val’s, and a lot smoother. It sounds like what taking a sip of hot chocolate feels like. “Shall we get on with it and discuss the rules of this little arrangement?”

“I don’t-- rules? I haven’t even given you an answer.”

“Oh, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve got any restraint left,” she chuckles. “You want to tell me you called just to say hello to a total stranger?”

“No, but-” Benny splutters, but he doesn’t get to finish his sentence.

“Then your answer, even if you haven’t given it to me yet, is as clear as the Pope’s Holy Water. Now then, the rules. In order to keep you in the warm, sunny, light side of the law, I’ll arrange a time and place. All you have to do is show up.”

He can’t help but grin. She’s clearly on top of this whole cloak and dagger operation, that much he can tell. Who she is, though, he can’t say. Not yet. Maybe he’ll recognize her when he sees her. “What about my gear?”

“Do take it with you, please. I’m not a charity, giving away free gear to any John, Charles or Mary.”

“All right,” he says, clicking his tongue. “Anything else?”

“Val will pick you up and get you back home safely, so don’t worry about the whole transport situation.”

“This doesn’t sound very... safe. I mean, you do realize this sounds a lot like kidnapping, right? Or murder, or something like that?”

The woman laughs. It sounds like the melody to a song he knows but has never heard at the same time. It’s the kind of laugh that makes everyone around laugh as well. “Why would I tell you all this and then still proceed with it if my intent was malicious? You can easily call the cops and have my dear Val arrested for whatever crime you think me capable of, and that wouldn’t be very good for my business.”

“Fair enough.”

“Speaking of Val, she’ll pick you up next Wednesday at nine.”

Benny kicks a piece of gravel onto the street next to him and swallows away the last of his pride and dignity. “All right, I guess I’ll see you then.”

“Good lord, I can’t believe Val forgot to tell you that, too,” she laughs again, then clears her throat and continues a lot more seriously. “I only dance in the dark. Have a good night, Mr. Miller.”

Usually, waiting takes ages, but not this time. For Benny the rest of the week practically flew by him and before he knows it, it’s already Wednesday. He went training with Frankie just like any other week, only this time he accidentally forgot to mention his fight with Nyx. He told himself that the less people know about his, uh, date, the better, but he also knows Frankie would have immediately pulled the plug.

Val arrives at nine o’clock sharp in the front seat of a cab, which is no surprise. The drive that follows doesn’t take very long; he also isn’t blindfolded or anything like they do in the movies. The car stops in front of an old warehouse in the east side of town, and that’s when Val turns around in her seat and very concisely tells him to get his ass out of her cab himself, since she’s not going to hold open the door for him.

Instead of driving off, Val simply pulls the keys from the ignition and tosses them to him, calling it his ‘insurance policy’. Then she waves her hand as if to tell him to hurry up and get inside, which he promptly does.

Well, that whole dancing in the dark reference seems to have been meant literally; as soon as the warehouse door closes behind him, an inky, suffocating darkness envelopes Benny and makes a shiver run up and down his spine. He takes a few tentative steps, holding out his arms and moving them around to make sure he doesn’t hit anything while he walks.

Suddenly, a voice calls out to him from a bit further into the sole, big room this warehouse seems to consist of.

“Good evening, Mr. Miller. Let’s get swinging, shall we?”

A/N: Hey there, you made it to the end! Thanks for reading through the whole thing, I hope you liked it. If you’ve got any suggestions or spotted a mistake or two, don’t hesitate to tell me so that I might fix it. I hope you’ll stick around for round two!

[jamespotterthefirst]

Beautiful Thing (Ethan x F!MC)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 1,300 Warning: Like one curse word? Premise: They workout together. They kiss. Author’s Note: Sorry, I couldn’t think of a summary

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“Light on your feet, Allende,” he commands, not even straining against the force of her punch. That would've been disappointing any other day since Lilac is using all the force she can muster, but she is too busy looking for a gap in his defenses. 

“Quit going easy on me,” she pants, still managing an edge of sarcasm in her futile endeavor. 

Ethan gives no response, holding the punching mitt steadily in front of her. Shirtless, muscles straining with each movement, and handsome face set in concentration, he is infuriatingly distracting. 

Blinking rapidly to refocus her scattered thoughts, she throws another jab, the smack of glove against mitt thundering across the deserted hospital gym.

He easily blocks another of her hits, expression completely serious. Aside from the slight pink hue on his face and neck, there is no indication Lilac is a worthy opponent, certainly not one to make him break a sweat. This brings about a slight flare of frustration, followed by determination. 

“Lean your body weight forward every time you punch,” he instructs, easily catching another blow with the mitt. “You never want to lean back or your opponent will get you.”

“Let them get me,” she breathes, exhausted and swaying on her feet. 

“Keep going.” 

“It's no use,” she protests, every word sounding more embarrassingly labored than the last. “You know I'd probably talk my way out of a real fight.”

“It'd probably be your talking that lands you in a fight in the first place,” he returns at once, speech even and controlled. How was he not completely out of breath? 

“I'd still be so charming and irresistible, they'd let me go,” Lilac replies weakly. 

“Doubtful,” Ethan replies without breaking his focus. 

She feigns a shocked, indignant face. “You don’t think I’m charming enough?” To prove her point, Lilac bites her lower lip briefly, pairing the gesture with a wink, a joke aimed at earning her a trademark ghost of a smile from him.

The effect is quite the opposite.

There is a brief almost imperceptible pause in Ethan's movements and she can swear his piercing eyes fall to her mouth. Ignoring how her body feels suddenly scalding hot, she aims a well-placed upper cut that Ethan is unsuccessful at blocking. It smacks against his shoulder.

The hit is rather unspectacular, but validating nonetheless. 

“Ha!” she exclaims triumphantly. 

Unimpressed, Ethan examines the spot she hit on his shoulder. “You need to do better than that if you want to reach your goal.”

Lilac doesn't know what makes her say it, but the words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. “My goal of looking good naked?” 

Ethan falters again, just like the first time she had said the words. 

This time, she lands a decent hit on his solid stomach. He barely flinches at the impact, however, staring at Lilac with surprise instead. When he recovers, his face is pinker than ever before and he splutters an unintelligible response.

Unable to help it, she laughs, the sound echoing throughout the vast room. 

“Focus,” is all he says in a gruff, low voice.

“You're getting slow, anciano,” Lilac teases, letting her tongue roll out the last word with all the cadence her native language demands. “Que lástima.”

He arches a brow at the words and she notes there is no hint of confusion. Instead, his blue eyes roam over her face, scrutinizing her with such intensity that something stirs at her core. The last time he looked at her that way, he had carried her to his bed immediately afterward. 

Lilac feels her smile vanish as she becomes too aware of how close they are standing, bodies hot with exertion. Palpable, white-hot tension crackles between them, making her body ache for him. 

“What's a pity, Rookie, is you not realizing I speak enough Spanish to understand that,” he says in a gritty voice, the familiar baritone sending throbbing heat throughout her body. 

Brain hazy with the spell of blue eyes, she is slow to respond. Her mind whirls between the way he is looking at her, eyes intense with longing, and his previous revelation. “You know–?” 

She doesn’t finish the sentence because he moves impossibly closer, eyes still locked on hers, bodies so close now that her chest grazes against his upper abdomen with every ragged breath. 

In a voice so dangerously low, her body is abuzz at hearing it, he says, “Can an old man pin you to the ground?”

There is no time to process the odd question because at that moment, Ethan gently sweeps his leg against hers, knocking it off balance and sending her tumbling down. She lands with a soft thud on the cushioned mat. 

Ethan grins down at her. “Rookie mistake. Don’t get too cocky or your opponent will have an easy target.”

Lilac stares at him, awestruck. The back-lighting of the ceiling lights above him throw his face into contrast, making his already defined, angled jaw the most torturous sight she’s ever seen. 

As if he doesn’t look devastating enough already, he laughs. When she makes no effort to move, he offers her his hand to help her up. 

Lilac takes it, and before he has a chance to react, she mutters, “You old fool.”

She pulls with all her might, his surprise granting her enough leverage to send him tumbling down onto the mat beside her. He lands far less gracefully than she had. 

Positively elated, Lilac rolls over on top of him, careful to keep their bodies from touching, her knees at either side of his hips. Ethan incredulously glances up at her, then lets his head fall back against the cushion, visibly defeated. 

“Who’s the rookie now?” she asks, unable to contain a bout of giddy laughter.  “Float like a butterfly, sting like a–” 

He kisses her. 

Caught entirely off guard, she freezes against his lips. It doesn’t take long for her to recover, however, his demanding lips moving against hers inspiration enough. Her body relaxes against his, sinking down to fully, unabashedly straddle him, all consideration of decency forgotten. 

Lips locked on one another, they urgently rid themselves of the boxing gear protecting their hands. Hers find their place at his shoulders, the movement second nature. It is as if her body remembers how to touch him despite all of the time of not having done so. 

Ethan's hands, in turn, grip her hips. His fingers dig slightly into the spandex of her leggings as his tongue and teeth lavish her bottom lip with attention. It is then she realizes he is leaning back slightly and holding himself up with sheer abdominal strength. 

“It's no wonder your body is ridiculous,” she mumbles hotly against his lips. To drive her point across, her hand descends down to his abs, nails delicately scraping down the hard surface. 

Ethan hisses. 

Recovering, he pulls back to smirk at her. “Not bad for an old man?” 

“Hmm,” she says, panting. “Jury's still out.”

A challenge sparks in his mesmerizing eyes. Another smirk before he swiftly leans back, hoisting his hips off the mat along with Lilac. Her body weight presses entirely against his impressive length.

A strangled little moan leaves her. 

At the sound, his smile disappears entirely, eyes darkening even more. 

“Fuck.”

He brings his hips back down to the floor, which is probably a good thing for Lilac. She is uncertain how much longer she could have gone without being reduced to a quivering mess. 

Ethan sits up to kiss her again, his confident tongue leaving devastation in its wake. His lips find their way to the ridge of her jaw, up to her ear. “How do you always do this to me, Rookie?”

He is not expecting an answer because he moves down to her neck, his beard pickling her skin in a way that is entirely too erotic. 

Before Lilac can explicitly instruct what he must do to her body, the blaring of a phone alarm interrupts their movements. 

They both curse, Ethan pairing his expletive with a groan. He falls back against the mat, hands rubbing his face. 

“Our meeting with June and Baz will start in fifteen minutes,” he tells her through the persistence of the alarm. 

“That's enough time,” she tries, mostly joking. 

Ethan cuts her a look. “Don't insult me.” 

She laughs, rolling off him, her body missing the warmth of his almost instantly.

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PART 2 (NSFW)

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Prompts: sent by anonymous 22. A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party. 33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

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Author’s note: Ethan speaks Spanish and other languages in my mind. The Duolingo owl is shaking.

Thank you for reading!

Masterlist

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Tags:

@openheart12 | @ethandaddyramsey | @noboundariesplease | @silverlitskies | @infinitiestones | @flyawayboo | @paulfwesley | @hatescapsicum | @myusualnerdyself | @thatysn | @choicesyouplayandmore | @chasingrobbie | @trappedinfandoms | @togetherwearerapture | @nooruleman | @caseyvalentineramsey | @axwalker | @parkerattano | @i-bloody-love-drake-walker | @kaavyaethanramsey | @edith-eggs1 | @choices-lurker | @jens-diamondchoices | @tefigranger | @ethanrcmsey | @coffeebeandragon | @senator-adrian-raines-wifey | @aestheticartwriting | @longneckramsey | @binny1985 | @mvalentine | @sanchita012 | @drethanramslay | @ramseysno1rookie​ | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite | @takeharryandgo​

(let’s hope the tags work this time)

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[linkspooky]

Shigaraki + Eri: Born to Destroy

Shigaraki and Eri are both characters told by their abusers that because they were born with a destructive quirk, it means they were born to destroy. Both children internalized this idea. The only difference is Eri was saved while she was still a child. and Shigaraki was explicitly not saved and failed by the hero system at every level. 

Yet, a certain part of the fandom insists that the comparison between these two characters is meant to show that Eri is meant to be someone who can be saved while Shigaraki having grown up to be a villain is therefore an example of someone who due to being a villain cannot be saved. That Shigaraki’s only role in the narrative now is a villain to be defeated, and therefore unlike Eri he no longer deserves to be saved. 

But to believe All for One’s lies that Shigaraki was born for destruction, that he enjoys it, is the same as believing Chisaki’s lies that Eri was born to hurt the others around her too. What people are missing is that Eri does not exist to be the “good guy” version of Shigaraki. It’s the other way around, Shigaraki is a much more important character than Eri whose arc is central to the whole narrative, Eri’s entire purpose for being in the story is to prove that Shigaraki is someone who should be saved. Let’s explain under the cut. 

1. Eri and Tenko

Eri is a character who is intentionally designed to call immediate visual parallels to Shigaraki. They both have long, uncombed white hair. They both have red eyes with severe bags underneath them. They are both obviously scarred, Shigaraki has scars on his face and Eri is perpetually covered in bandages. 

The intention is clear, not only does Eri look like Shigaraki but she also looks the exact same way Tenko did almost immediately after he was traumatized. Red eyes, hair turned white by stress, covered in scars. 

Eri not only parallels the scene where Tenko ran away from home immediately after losing his family, they also parallel the fact that both of them were racing through the crowds, hoping, desperately, that just one person would save them. 

They are both frightened children running away while being covered in scars, but here is the reaction that Eri gets, compared to the reaction that Tenko gets. 

This is a trick on Horikoshi’s part, using the visual art to convey framing. Framing is a technique of writing where ideas are written with the reader in mind, ensuring that the reader is able to understand what the author is trying to tell them. In other words it’s the characters within the story reacting to events in a certain way, as a device to convey the author’s intention or what they want you to understand. 

In the most basic terms if Deku saves a person, and all might pats him on the head and says that he did a good job saving someone. Then the message conveyed is that saving people is good. Events happen in a story and framing conveys a message. 

Then look at the difference between how these two scenes are framed. Eri is still cute, visually appealing, she has wide eyes and looks like an innocent lost child. When Tenko raises his eyes to look up at the old lady, his eyes are sunken in, his face is withered, and he looks like a monster child. The difference in this framing is to show the difference in how Eri and Tenko are perceived, even in the exact same circumstances, Eri is a child that needs to be saved, whereas Tenko is an ugly child that everyone looks away from. 

Horikoshi is not framing it this way to reinforce the idea that Eri is good and deserves to be saved, and Tenko is bad, rather he is showing how other people perceive Tenko as ugly in order to show their hypocrisy. The entire point of the scene in Tenko’s case is how wrong it is in the entire crowd not a single person tried to save him. 

Eri, and Tenko were both born into abusive households. A mother who abandons her daughter at the first sign of trouble, blames their child for everything, and then leaves her with the Yakuza was probably never much of a good mother in the first place. 

However, after exiting their first abusive household instead of heroes they were both found by villains who only had an interest in manipulating them. 

Chisaki, Eri’s father figure, and AFO Tenko’s father figure both repeatedly tell the children they are watching that the reason that they were born with this quirk is that they want to destroy. Both of them come to accept that it’s their fault for being born with this quirk, that they want this, that they exist to destroy. 

They both accept the lie that they are told. Their quirk manifested because they wanted it to, their quirk went out of control and killed their father because they wanted it to. They do not see themselves as tragic victims, but as the cause for all of the destruction around them. 

There is even a deliberately drawn intentional parallel to when Eri loses control of her quirk once again at the end of the arc, and when Shigaraki loses control of his quirk fighting against Re-Destro. 

They both hear the words of their abusers, and then lose control of their destructive quirks. The only difference being that Eri is crying and Shigaraki is laughing but this does not mean that Shigaraki is a bad person that lovs destruction, and Eri is a good person that hates when her quirk destroys and is therefore an innocent victim. 

The ways in which they lose control just manfiest differently. Shigaraki has been taught his entire life that destruction makes him feel better, that he was meant to destroy and that it was a good thing, he was literally groomed for this purpose. Whereas, Eri was taught that her destruction was a bad thing specifically to make her helpless and to not fight back against Chisaki. Eri was cultivated to be helpless, whereas AFO cultivated Shigaraki into someone who would actively want to destroy after AFO was gone. 

It’s almost like the environment they were raised in makes the signs of their victimhood manifest in different ways or something. Shigaraki’s laughter is no less of a cry for help then Eri’s crying. Shigaraki only laughs because he’s been pushed past the breaking point, had a trauma flashback in the middle of battle with a man who is trying to kill him, and has not eaten or slept regularly in a month. Yet, Shigaraki losing control is read as him being evil, and Eri’s losing control is read as her being a victim. 

The point being that if Chisaki was wrong when he said that Eri was made to destroy, then All for One was also wrong when he said that Shigaraki enjoys destruction. 

Chisaki and All for One both positioned themselves as Shigaraki and Eri’s father figures, and then used that position of power to control their entire lives. Neither of them saw Shigaraki or Eri as a person, only a tool for them to use to further their own ambitions. Therefore, neither of them could have known Shigaraki or Eri as a person. Everything they say about them as a person is wrong, because they only care about them to the extent of what they want to mould both children into. 

2. The Theme of the Overhaul Arc 

So, what were we as the leader supposed to learn from the Overhaul arc?  A simple answer would be “Heroes should have a frightened child in front of them, even if they’re not asking for help”. However, if the theme were just that we would hae what I call a no duh theme. 

A no duh theme is basically when the theme is so obvious that it’s kind of pointless to read about it in a story. For example if the theme was so simple as “killing people as bad” my response would be “no duh.” The point of stories is to develop ideas and learn something from them, so something has changed by the time you started the story to the time you finish it.

For example, Deku’s goal is a really vague one. I want to save people. Heroes save people. Those are pretty general statements. If Deku is the main character of the manga, his goal has to develop or change in some signficant way otherwise why are we following Deku this entire time? If he’s the same character at the beginning than at the end, then what is the point? 

The Deku from chapter one would have rushed to save Eri too. The entire point of the arc was not just saving Eri, because as far as hero-work goes saving a crying child who is a victim of a villain is pretty standard. The point is to bring up the idea of what saving people means. 

Of course no true hero would abandon a frighten child, of course Deku’s goal is to save everyone, but those statements are very generic and nonspecific. Not only that, but it’s also basically what All Might’s Goal was to begin with. Deku as a character has to surpass All Might, not just be a second All Might imitating his hero.

The point of the entire series is for Deku to grow into his own type of hero, and learn the kind of hero he wants to be. It’s easy for him to say “I want to be the hero who saves everyone” but now the story must challenge him to live up to it. Now, while Eri was a difficult fight, and was in pretty difficult circumstances to rescue her from, she also was a pretty black and white victim. She’s a crying child begging for help, of course you would want to save her. 

However, there are several ideas brought up in the process of saving Eri that are obviously set up for later cases where saving someone could be more complicated than just punching the bad guy and saving Eri from his hands. Even Eri herself is a more difficult situation because like any other child, the words that are told to her by the person who controlled her life, stay inside of her, and she cannot overcome them on her own until somebody else provides and outside perspective. 

Midoriya is met with someone who does not want to be saved. Who tells them to leave him alone, because of their abuser who controls their reality, who believes they cannot be saved and only exist to bring pain to others. Midoriya ignores that because he knows that it’s the words of their abuser speaking, and decides to save her anyway. 

The entire arc is a baseline. If Deku cannot save this person, than how can he become a person who saves everyone. It’s a test of what Deku really means when he says he wants to become a hero who can save anyone. 

The overhaul arc is an introduction, the first real taste of the difficulties and complexities of saving people, and also of it’s importance. Deku does the right thing and chooses to continue seeing Eri as a victim, rather than believing the words of her abuser. Even when eri herself believes them, because she is a child who literally has not been shown any other alternative. 

Therefore, thematically the end result of this path, for Deku to become a hero that truly saves everyone he has to grow into the kind of hero who can save Shigaraki as well. A victim who does not want to be saved, a victim who believes everything their abuser told them, a victim who believes they were born to destroy. 

It’s easy to sympathize with a crying girl like Eri. Shigaraki is a character who is much harder to sympathize with, and yet there are such obvious parallels between Midoriya and Shigaraki that it’s impossible we’re not building up to a conrontation where they sympathize with each other.

This is something that we are told over and over again in the story. That Shigaraki is a crimminal now. That he is not somebody that can be sympathized with, that he cannot be saved, only put down like a rabid dog. 

That heroes only exist to save good people. However, the central conflict of the story is literally this. That in a society of heroes there are people that do not get saved, not only that, but it is these clear and obvious gaps in hero society that creates it’s own villains. 

As pointed out by here twitter user [@ribai1] Images sourced to them. 

Shigaraki is a symbol of every victim that falls through the cracks of a hero system. In a way he is like a violent jungian shadow of society, which rises up due to society’s ignorance and neglect of the situation, of people like Shigaraki and Eri. 

Spinner is a NEET who is ostracised both for having a quirk that morphs his entire body, and also a weak quirk. He was someone who locked himself away from society because he could not handle it. At the same time Shigaraki is also someone who was raised outside of society. Due to that fact his perspective is that of an outsider looking in. Shigaraki speaks to Spinner because just like spinner, all of the good things about being accepted by society, friendship, camraderie, being accepted by others, being saved by others, all of these things are unavailable to Shigaraki the outsider. Hence why both Shigaraki and spinner lead relatively empty lives and are desperate to have some kind of cause that is against this society that does not welcome them. 

Shigaraki speaks to these people, because he is their symbol. He’s experienced the same things as all the outcasts, due to the fact that his entire life was destroyed, by Shimura Nana’s neglect, by a hero abandoning her child, by the system failing to save Shimura Tenko when he was in trouble, by All Might choosing to turn a blind eye to the child she abandoned and not even knowing of his existence, all of these factors build up to make Shigaraki the central victim of what is essentially the entral conflict of the hero system the ALL MIGHT VS AFO FIGHT. He has suffered the same way the outcasts have and thus he speaks to them. 

Shigaraki and Twice are both people who suffer from heavy mental illness, due to the fact that they suffered several consecutive ‘bad days’. Not a single person from that society reached out to help a hand, they were expected to handle it entirely on their own. Even though Twice was a sixteen year old who lost his parents in a villain attack he got no support. Even though Shigaraki was a child, not a single hero came to rescue him.

They both represent the irony that a literal society of heroes, will not save people like this, Shigaraki and Twice because they were bad, ugly victims. They both present their mental illness in an in your face, disturbing sort of way, despite the fact that Twice is a friendly guy looking for someone to understand his problems, despite the fact that Shigaraki is an orphaned child who is acting this way because the only father figure that took him in was a villain and he believes he owes him. 

Shigaraki and Toga are both labeled as outsiders because of their quirk. Both Toga’s own parents, and the Meta Liberation Army believe that it was Toga’s own quirk that drove her insane, and not her parents calling her a demon child and telling her to repress themselves. They only happened to be born with the quirk, but because nobody will accept them as who they are it comes to define their entire life.

Shigaraki and Chisaki are both children who were orphaned and picked up by a crimminal syndicate specifically because they have a powerful quirk. They are both raised into tools that have all of their humanity stripped away from them. And even then they feel obligated to pay back the people who used them, feeling like they owe them because it is their only paternal figure.

Shigaraki heavily parallels both Dabi (if he is Touya) and Shoto, as well as Hawks, because he was raised not as a child to be loved but as a hero. His primary reason for being picked up was because of his quirk. Todoroki and Shigaraki were raised as successors for another person, and not allowed to be their own person. They were both exposed to extreme amounts of violence when they were young. Shigaraki and Hawks both had their entire childhoods destroyed to be a tool of opposite sides, one a villain and one a hero.

Shigaraki even parallels Midoriya, as a quirkless kid who wanted to be a hero. Who was only bullied and put down, even by his own family members for just wanting to follow his dream. 

Not only that, but timing wise the Eri arc is literally also the first time we see Shigaraki drawn in a much more human light, and how different he is from the villain that first raided UA at the start of the manga by how he interacts with his allies. 

That there is a human behind the mask of a villain. 

Therefore, the Overhaul arc brings up the idea that saving people can be difficult, painful, but it’s also ultimately worth it to save victims who are in pain no matter how hard it might be. The reason this was brought up was not just for Eri’s sake, but to lay the groundwork for Shigaraki being saved. Because saving people is what heroes do. 

Shigaraki is center to that theme, because he parallels every victim in the manga and is the second most important character to the central conflict of the manga (the fight between AFO and OFA) to Deku himself. Which is why it’s important to understand that neither Shigaraki and Eri were born to destroy, they are both victims reacting to their individual circumstances. 

For Deku to grow as a character, for his words “I want to save everyone” to actually mean something, then he’s challenged to understand someone like Shigaraki who is difficult to understand, and that Shigaraki is also a part of everyone. 

[i-do-a-stuff]

Regarding Racism.

Considering recent events, I wanted to make a statement. Recently I was included in a post about the safety of POC in our online communities for having made a comment about COVID-19 that was inherently racist. I want to address that directly, and I want to iterate that my intent is not to defend myself or my actions. I said what I said, and I was wrong to say it. That I did not realize the implications of the statement before I made it is irrelevant. This is a long read, so buckle up, kids.

I will preface this by saying that while I believe that “keeping receipts” and posting them on the internet is generally not a good idea for many reasons (not the least of which can sometimes be a lack of context or tampering), I can see how sometimes it is necessary to bring about needed change. Was it necessary in this case? I’m a big believer of not raking people over the coals if there’s a way to avoid it while still giving a powerful message and I do not believe anyone to be without their own personal biases, myself and this person included. But it happened, and it caused a huge upset. What’s done is done.

When it first happened, I was angry. How dare this person imply that I was racist! I remained angry for days. I saw comments about it and wanted to curl up and die and simultaneously punch something for being called something that I’m not. As a non-POC, I was certain that apologizing immediately for my mistake was the right thing to do, so why did I get called out after I had already apologized? Does that feel familiar to anyone? I have moderate social anxiety and a massive fear of public shaming. Feeling angry and upset about it was my human response to feeling like I had done everything right to address my mistake and still being called out for it. Well, let me tell you, apologizing was the right thing to do, but it was the wrong way to do it, and in the end, it wasn’t about me. It was about the systemic racism and prejudice that is inherent in our culture, and the way we need to recognize it so that it can be overcome.

I am going to state something that I have seen around the internet. It is not a new idea, and it’s something that applies to me as well as countless other non-POC.

By saying you ‘don’t see race,’ you are ignoring racism. You are not explicitly racist, but you are not anti-racist, and anti-racist is what you should strive for to build a better community. It begins by taking a hard look at yourself, your bias tendencies, and listening to the voices of POC.

Every person has an inherent view on race (and a slew of other things, like gender, sexuality, weight, etc.) that is shaped by their own experiences. Coming from a place of privilege, my personal view is that we should not have to live in a world where we have to say not just that black lives matter, but that any lives at all matter. Is it an ideal to strive for? Yes! Does it minimize the experiences of black people when we say, ‘all lives matter’? ABSOLUTELY YES! I understand the desire to live in a world free of racism where no one, most of all POC, must worry about violence or prejudice. But we cannot, and should not, pretend that we already do.

So here is how I, as a non-POC, am working toward change and how you can, too.

This is not where I give a long list of resources on how we can financially and actively help the Black Lives Matter movement, because that already exists elsewhere. Instead, here’s a list of things we can do to strive toward anti-racism in ourselves:

When called out or corrected:

1. Feel the feels.

It’s natural to feel attacked/stunned/defensive/shame; it’s human nature to rail against having done or being told we were wrong.

Acknowledge to ourselves that we feel that way and acknowledge that we are human for doing so. It’s okay. Most criticism is coming from a good place.

2. Take a step back and evaluate the behavior.

If we did not mean the statement the way that the person took it:

Look at how it could have been taken that way. Maybe it’s time to start paying closer attention to cultural appropriations and biases.

If we did mean the statement the way that the person took it:

It’s time to evaluate our behavior and viewpoint as a whole on the issue. We can begin by putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes, and then doing the things in the previous section.

Either way:

Be openminded about listening to the person and learning how to not make that mistake in the future.

Read 'There Is No Neutral': 'Nice White People' Can Still Be Complicit In A Racist Society. It’s a good read.

Take a look at this article too! How Much Racism Do You Face Every Day?

3. APOLOGIZE.

There is a right and a wrong way to do this. Here is the right way:

Apologize as soon as we realize the statement was racist.

Recognize and apologize for our bias and the offensive behavior.

Don’t dwell on it. Especially in public. This can exacerbate the situation. We may want to apologize to the offended individual in private as well, though. Self-flagellating is bad, mkay?

Here’s the wrong way:

Defending ourselves or our actions. We’re missing the point. We said it. If it’s racist, it’s racist. Those are facts.

Apologizing for the other person being offended. This avoids the issue and implies that we did nothing wrong and that the other person reacted poorly.

Broadcasting that it wasn’t our intent to be racist or that is was just a joke. If that has to be called into question, then we done did wrong.

Read these two good articles on apologizing for offensive comments and the ‘I’m not racist’ defense.

4. Strive to do better.

This is important. So important. Don’t just apologize and be done with it. Take a look at our behavior and how we can prevent similar behavior in the future. Take a deep look at our internal biases and challenge them. We can do this by…

Educating Ourselves

Regardless of where we fall on the spectrum of racism (complicit, implicit, explicit), we can and should continue to learn about racial diversity, how to fight it inside ourselves, and how to fight it in the system. Donate to good causes. Spread the word and make our voices heard, as non-POCs for POCs, because we do have the power to make a change. Protest. Be active in preventing and correcting racism when we see it.

Here’s a great list of resources to start your education. I highly recommend the Lesson Plan on Being an Ally.

So, speaking of apologies, I’m going to start. Are you ready? Whew, this is scary. I apologize for calling COVID-19 the Kung Flu. I see that it had heavy racist implications. It was a comment made in poor taste, and I will strive to be better in the future. Thank you for pointing it out to me.

Let’s make this world a better place.

[shaymcsudonim]

“My Six Months Training Didn’t Prepare Me For This.”

Really? 

Six months of fighting spiders in caves and throwing birthday parties for nuns didn’t prepare you to fight a demon-possessed, power-hungry maniac? Who would have ever guessed...

...except for the fact that, on a meta level, you might be entirely wrong about that, Asta.

On the face of things, we’ve run into a textbook arc of good old-fashioned ludonarrative dissonance. 

That is to say, in the Manga, things flowed smoothly over the timeskip. Declaration that they have six months to prepare for war was followed by the beginnings of said war. 

In the Anime, however, events are unfolding like an accordion into six months of random antics and buffoonery. Incidentally, I don’t remember whether that’s six months of in-show time or six months of real-time but, either way, we are in for a ride. 

Anyway, going back to my main point, Asta’s determination is one of his best qualities, but I’d argue that it’s eclipsed by his kindness, in terms of how he affects the world, if nothing else. 

When he declares himself the future Wizard King, he boasts that he’s going to make a better life for everyone, including Sister Lily and all his adopted younger siblings, of course, but he also explicitly includes Yuno in this statement. 

And, when Yuno decides that they’re rivals, he echoes this in saying that he’s going to make Asta’s life better once he’s Wizard King. 

Kindness breeds kindness, and the circle of virtue spins ever wider. 

For Yuno and Asta, kindness is as much a part of their rivalry as competition, and the examples are numerous: Asta saving Yuno’s necklace, Yuno scaring off Sekke, and so on. 

But, even outside of rivalry, Asta’s shown himself to be a startlingly compassionate individual: he didn’t challenge any of the nobles at the banquet until they started making fun of Noelle, he visited Vetto’s human-reincarnate’s grave (one of the few permanent deaths in the series), and as soon as he finds out that the Witch Queen’s blood can heal his arms, he immediately shares it with Kiato and Kahono, and that doesn’t even touch on the kindness he shows the reincarnated elves, whenever possible.

And how might all this tie into Asta’s training, you ask? 

Well, it might not. Everything is probably going to depend on the character and values of the devil inhabiting his grimoire. 

If the Devil’s evil, then he’ll undoubtedly be the main antagonist of the series. He certainly thought it was hilarious when Zagred died. And he tried to take over Asta’s body in the Witches’ Forest, of course. It’s entirely possible that Asta’s Demon is completely evil and irredeemable.  

But, still, I think that there might be more to him.

Granted, I also thought there might be more to Toffee from SVTFOE, and that obviously went nowhere, so my track record certainly isn’t the best.

But, anyway, moving on, what good qualities might Asta’s Demon possess? 

Well, he’s anti-magic, and he somehow managed to get himself stuck inside a magic grimoire: Licht’s old Four Leaf grimoire, if I recall correctly, which was turned into a five-leaf grimoire after Licht was corrupted. 

If Asta’s Demon has any control over who gets chosen by the grimoire, then it says a lot that he picked Asta. After all, if anyone with even the slightest bit of magic got the grimoire, either they wouldn’t be able to use it, or it would kill them outright. 

Given that the grimoire appeared to Asta outside the tower, and after the ceremony, I’d assume that the demon had at least some power over who received the five-leaf grimoire. 

The interesting thing to me is that Asta didn’t get the grimoire during the ceremony. Here was a human with no magic whatsoever, a perfect vessel for the demon’s antimagic. Instead, he left the tower without anything. The five-leaf didn’t appear to him until he publicly defended Yuno. 

It’s possible that the Five Leaf Demon cared about the character of whoever it was that would use his power. 

Which, there might be some precedent for. Vanica and Megicula seem to be on the same wavelength most of the time. Possibly, Devil and Devil Host must be somewhat compatible, personality-wise? If so, it says a lot about this particular devil, that he’d be compatible with Asta. 

And, even if he is evil, I’d give even odds that the Five Leaf Demon will, eventually, get worn down by the sheer force of Asta’s personality, just like half of the other villains in Black Clover. 

But, if the Demon is any sort of a decent person, then, compared to any other demon out there, he’s had a ridiculously long time to get to know his host, while having only the most indirect sharing of power. 

And, not only does this demon understand Asta better than the other demons likely understand their hosts, he probably comprehends humanity better than any of them, as well. 

His first attempt at bargaining, in the Witches’ Forest, seemed to be a straightforward exchange: the Five Leaf Demon would win Asta’s fight for him, but Asta would have to allow the Demon to possess him in return, and it wasn’t stated whether this was a temporary possession. Asta punched him in the face and took the power, anyway.

Whether this was allowed because Five Leaf didn’t want his host to die, because he was just too surprised by Asta’s actions, or for some other reason, wasn’t stated. 

In this latest chapter, there’s no attempt at subtlety. The Demon waited for Asta to approach him, then proposed a straightforward bargain: a part of Asta’s body for power, in this case, his right arm. Again, not stating exactly what it meant for the arm to belong to the demon. 

It remains to be seen what Five Leaf’s motivations are. But, now that one of his bargains has finally been accepted, we’re probably a lot closer to finding out. 

Also, if the demon does somehow end up being good, then they’ve already got half the friendship-bonding aspect out of the way, since Five Leaf has spent, what, at least a year watching Asta do random crap? If being on the same wavelength as their host eventually allows for more power transfer between Demon and Human, then the next arc could very easily look like this:

[Image ID: A painting of a tall figure in spiky armor and a horned helmet chasing a visibly-frightened smaller figure, in silver armor, through the woods. The imposing figure is labeled, ‘Me not realizing there’s a main storyline and kept doing the side quests until I reached max level,’ and the smaller figure is labeled, ‘first mission boss.’ end image ID]

And, I’m not gonna lie, that’d be pretty funny.  

[wordsablaze]

27~ Ransom

Magic and Misery Merlin might use magic to help Arthur but he rarely uses it to help himself, which leads to an awful lot of misery… written for whumptober, enjoy!

A/N: my friend got me in a wholesome mood so this is more fluff than angst, blame (or thank) them ^.^

-

Arthur has a reputation.

Everybody had always known that he was brave, skilled, stubborn, and genuinely good at heart. But slowly, they also came to know that he was fiercely protective, protective of his people, his knights, and most importantly, of Merlin.

It was never explicitly questioned - probably because challenging the whims of the crown prince was a risk nobody wanted to take - but rather, observed and learned.

Very quickly, the people of Camelot, no matter what status they were, knew to leave Merlin to his own devices. It definitely helped that Merlin was maybe the kindest, most loyal, and ridiculously helpful person that most people had ever met.

Most people were more than happy to see the boy from Ealdor grow closer to the Crown Prince, especially since their interactions were often a source of amusement, admiration, and awe.

But there would always be some that acted with a selfish combination of malice and greed.

Unfortunately, those people tend to act in the dead of night.

Merlin has no chance to fight back as someone materialises from the darkness and roughly places a hand over his mouth, a dangerous scent filling his senses as his limbs weaken and his eyes flutter shut.

He dimly wonders what it is this time - whether this is a result of his life as Merlin or Emrys - before he drops the basket he was carrying and falls unconscious.

The forgotten object clatters quietly to the ground as Merlin is harshly manoeuvred away, the ones responsible dragging him into the cover of the night as they retreat, sharing smug smirks and taking their time manhandling their target.

"Has anyone seen Merlin?" Arthur asks the next day, joining Lancelot and Gwaine where they're stood to one side of the training field.

Lancelot glances up sharply, concern filling his eyes within seconds. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen him all morning," Arthur explains, frowning; he'd thought Merlin had simply woken up late and chosen to join the knights instead of meeting him in his chambers.

At that, Gwaine raises an eyebrow. "Merlin would never miss training."

The three of them share an uneasy look before Leon jogs up to them. "Sire, there's someone who wants to speak to you."

Knowing that Leon wouldn't suggest leaving their training session unless it was something urgent and absolutely unavoidable - in other words, to do with Merlin - Arthur follows without missing a beat.

As do the other Knights.

There's a young girl waiting for them near the gates.

As Arthur approaches, she seems to relax, giving him a small, hopeful smile. "I knew I was right! I knew you'd help!"

Arthur glances at Leon before nodding at the girl. "Of course. What is it?"

The girl's smile falters as she pulls out a basket Arthur hadn't seen from behind her back and offers it to him. "It's Merlin's."

Elyan inhales sharply and takes it from her, well aware that Merlin wouldn't just leave it lying around, then glancing up in confusion when he finds only herbs inside, nothing to indicate why the girl has the basket in her possession.

"Do you know where he is?" Percival asks softly, ever the gentle giant.

The girl nods, then promptly shakes her head. "I don't know who it was, it was so dark and I was about to go over and say hello to Merlin but they came out of nowhere and-"

Leon steps forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, slow down, there's no rush. Tell us what you know."

"They just- they put something over his mouth and took him… they said they'd send a message and then they went south and I didn't know what to do, I'm sorry!" The girl looks ready to cry.

Arthur nods at her gratefully. "Thank you for your help. Really, I appreciate that you came forward."

Lancelot smiles at the kindness in Arthur's voice before winking at the girl. "Don't worry, we'll have Merlin back in no time."

The girl nods, smiling again before mumbling something about telling everyone else and disappearing. Choosing not to think too much about who she's going to tell, Arthur turns to the others.

"Well, looks like training will have to be relocated for today."

Without Merlin, though, it takes then twice the amount of time to organise horses and set off, the six of them not exactly knowing where they're going, their destination being only Merlin.

It turns out whoever had taken Merlin isn't the smartest.

Their camp isn't even slightly difficult to locate and Arthur just about rolls his eyes at their stupidity as he spots the smoke. But his amusement is taken over by anger when he hears loud laughing; how dare they laugh when they've hurt Merlin?

"We'll be quieter on foot," Elyan murmurs as they get closer.

The six of them tie their horses to a few trees and approach where the group had stupidly taken camp to assess the situation, all of them equally as outraged when they see Merlin tied to a tree, a woman with a knife pressed to his neck crouched in front of him.

He looks alright, Arthur notes, aside from the bruises.

Of course, the rope securing his gangly frame to the tree practically boils Arthur's blood, but he's glad he can't see any serious injuries; at least it isn't like other times where he's found Merlin halfway through death's doorway.

As Arthur and the knights watch, Merlin makes an incredulous face before glaring up at her, clearly disagreeing with whatever she's saying but not wanting to move due to her weapons.

Arthur moves to help him without realising it but Leon grabs his arm, holding him back as Merlin winces and jerks his foot away from the woman. Apparently she'd been hiding another knife.

There's something odd about Merlin's expression as his eyes follow her second knife but Arthur can't place it. The other knights have clearly noticed the same thing because Lancelot's frown is deep enough to make him look five years older.

"Something's wrong with Merlin," Gwaine comments, voicing the concern they all share.

The woman moves away but not before pressing the knife harder into Merlin's neck and leaving a thin red line in its wake. Merlin only bites his lip and lets his head fall back onto the tree, his posture relaxing slightly.

Only then does Arthur figure it out.

This must remind Merlin of the witchfinder.

He curses quietly but strongly, finally pulling away from Leon and making his way around the camp so that he's behind Merlin, the other knights guessing his plan and spreading out so they can jump in at a moment's notice.

Arthur waits until he thinks it's safe before quietly moving so he's beside Merlin.

"I let you out of my sight for one evening, Merlin…" Arthur whispers.

Merlin freezes, letting out a slow exhale. "What are you doing here?"

It takes Arthur a second to realise he'd even said anything, he's so subtle.

"What does it look like, idiot? Rescuing you!" Arthur hisses, torn between appreciating that Merlin is unharmed enough to question him or just being annoyed at his reaction.

He can almost feel Merlin roll his eyes. "They only want gold, they don't care for Camelot's secrets."

Arthur pauses.

"Gold?" he echoes.

He must echo it too loud because one of the men turns around and he barely has enough time to duck behind the tree before someone's walking their way.

Merlin coughs loudly to cover it up, sticking his leg out to make it look as if he were trying to trip the man up, trying his best to annoy him into forgetting what he'd intended to do.

It works.

The man growls and crouches so he can grab Merlin's jaw, squeezing until Merlin can't help but wince, still refusing to make a sound.

"Do you think me to be stupid?" The man all but snarls.

Merlin just shrugs awkwardly, unable to speak with the man stopping his jaw from moving, and it takes all of Arthur's willpower not to reveal himself and punch the man until he truly feels stupid.

"Play games with me again and I might forget I'm meant to keep you in good condition," he warns before pushing Merlin's head to one side as he leaves, bringing his foot down on Merlin's injured ankle as he does so.

Merlin bites back a gasp, letting his eyes close as he breathes heavily for a moment, focusing on slowly moving his jaw to try and lessen the dull throbbing.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Don't be a cabbage-head, Arthur," Merlin mumbles, keeping his head ducked so anyone watching can't tell he's talking.

Arthur exhales, trying to think of a plan, pleasantly surprised when he hears Merlin chuckle.

"I can feel the effort it's taking you to think of a plan. Just wait until they're all asleep," Merlin tells him.

Pulling a face at Merlin even though he can't see it, Arthur shakes his head. "What if they try something?"

"They've been ordered to leave me in good condition, remember?" Merlin reminds him.

Arthur sighs somewhat dramatically. "If they hurt you…"

Merlin clears his throat to cut him off. "I know, you can play the knight in shining armour."

They lapse into silence once they've stopped quietly laughing, Arthur briefly sneaking around to tell the other Knights the plan before returning to his spot behind Merlin's tree.

He forces himself to still as someone else, clearly a little drunk, approaches Merlin.

"Can I help you?" Merlin asks, sounding perfectly bored.

A girl who seems rather young for the bandit sort of life sits in front of him and buries one hand in his hair, almost playing with it as she frowns. "So, what is it about you?"

Merlin shrugs, more worried about Arthur being able to avoid losing his cool and revealing himself.

"I mean, you are pretty…" the girl continues, a wistful tone in her voice, "but you're also just a servant so that can't be it."

Merlin bristles, clenching his jaw.

Arthur also bristles, wishing he could stop those words from having been said at all; Merlin is far more than just a servant.

"I know people that would pay a lot for eyes as lovely as yours," the girl adds, staring at him with an uncomfortable intensity.

When Merlin says nothing, she prods his stomach, smiling in satisfaction when he gasps and curls into himself a little. "And you're not a mute. Nobody wants them back when we take them."

Arthur's frown deepens as he listens to her, wondering if this whole ransom thing is a business that's running right under his nose. He makes a mental note to look into it when they get back to Camelot.

The girl giggles as Merlin yelps and Arthur wishes he could see better.

"Do you think your prince will pay for you?" The girl asks and, if Arthur didn't know better, he might have called her tone innocent.

Merlin glares at her, pulling his head away. "You clearly don't know much about him."

"Then tell me!" the girl laughs, placing her hands on either side of Merlin's face. "Tell me what makes you so special!"

"Get your hands off me!" Merlin mutters instead.

"Not unless your ransom is paid," the girl all but chides, laughing again.

Unless?

Arthur glares daggers into the tree. As if there were any chance that he would let Merlin be taken from him without doing everything in his ability to get him back, whether that involved swords, gold, or anything else.

"Shouldn't you go and rest?" Merlin asks bitterly, trying his best not to meet her gaze.

The girl just giggles, shifting. "What if I'd rather spend time with you?"

Merlin huffs in irritation, clearly giving up on staying silent. "Don't get attached, I'll be gone soon."

"What makes you so sure?" The girl drawls.

Arthur had managed to control his rage so far but hearing Merlin hiss in pain after she asks that is too much and he steps out from behind the tree, his sword coming to a stop on her neck as he smirks.

"I do."

Merlin grins up at him.

Pushing the shocked girl away, Arthur cuts through the ropes and pulls Merlin up, stepping in front of him protectively.

The other knights take this as their cue to emerge, holding the leaders at swordpoint so nobody dares to move or attack them. A group of angry knights is not something most people want to face.

As the others successfully intimidate the bandits, Arthur turns to Merlin with a fierce smile. "You're not just a servant."

Merlin nods, rubbing his arms.

And he'd been right in the end, the others had all started to drink as night had drawn closer and, all things considered, the rescue mission goes incredibly smoothly.

"I could have handled that," Merlin grumbles as they get back to the horse, limping slightly and contradicting his own statement.

Lancelot gives him a funny look and nudges him lightly. "We don't doubt you for a second."

"But someone has to be the damsel once in a while," Gwaine laughs, releasing their horses.

Merlin just rolls his eyes but Arthur coughs pointedly, not quite happy with that. "Merlin, you may be the most incompetent servant I've ever had but I need you to know… I would have paid anything they'd demanded if it had come to that."

The smile that blooms on Merlin's face is, in Arthur's opinion, simply priceless.

"Thank you," Merlin says softly, glancing around their group gratefully.

"Anytime, Merlin," Elyan replies on behalf of everyone.

They hadn't been smart enough to bring a separate horse for Merlin so he ends up sharing with Arthur, which neither of them particularly want to complain about.

"Does this mean you care about me?" Merlin teases as they set off.

"Perhaps more than I should," Arthur murmurs, surprising both Merlin and himself with the confession.

Merlin just wraps his arms around Arthur in response.

If the other knights notice their matching blushes and poorly hidden smiles, they don't comment on it.

- 

like/reblog but please don’t repost, thanks! masterlist

[arcticdementor]

Swedes do not toil under a Communist yoke. We are thankfully a market oriented society, and particularly in rural areas, Swedes are ruggedly individualistic and responsible citizens. But we do have an enormous welfare state with which to contend — and it poisons our nation much in the same manner that full blown communism would; if perhaps not to the same degree. Doubtlessly; it sets the stage for some rather dystopian developments, both in terms of its steady consumption of productive capabilities — but also in its toxic effects on our culture. On top of this, Sweden has accepted a considerable amount of immigrants (to put it mildly) from cultures that differ wildly from the Swedish. In this text I will take a look at the welfare state through the prism of Sweden’s current multicultural challenge.

…

Spontaneously emergent cultural change through win-win situations on the one hand, and forced associations on the other, are two radically different ways in which societies evolve. These mechanics often overlap in history. In any given situation it may be hard to untangle which has primacy.

When a welfare state offers upkeep and support to large quantities of people from cultures that differ enormously from the predominant culture, despite the wishes of the current residents, we have a clear cut case of forced association. It's a powderkeg that inevitably will get packed with resentment. People who would like nothing better than for the whole thing to blow up will inevitably start to congregate, with torches at the ready. Cultural homogeneity to some degree smooths over and props up the inherent fault lines that ripple underneath any redistributive scheme, while cultural heterogeneity rapidly exposes fissures. Why is this exactly?

…

Putnam himself appears to be no great fan of his own findings, and his study is replete with well-tempered and stringent attempts to poke holes in his own conclusions. But no, multiculturalism seems to have an unbending negative impact on civil society.

…

People who do not share language, tradition, religion, institutions and history have a harder time cooperating and finding trust. Is this not self-evident? One would have to marinate for a very long time in some potent reality denying ideological soup in order to be able to reach any other conclusion. There is no need to invoke racism as an explanation whatsoever.

…

In contemporary discourse, the US and especially New York are put forward as successful cultural and ethnic melting pots. There is a lot to that sentiment which is perfectly true. But to the degree that New York has been successful, it has not been thanks to simply mashing people together willy-nilly and then forcing them to like each other. People who came to the US had no choice but to bite the bullet and attempt to contribute with something of value. Even this did not take place without friction and conflict (often via labour unions and political shenanigans) but in the end cultural appropriation occurred and above all: assimilation to the predominant culture — not the other way around.

There were still cultural clashes, and these were solved, or at least mitigated over time, because people were not explicitly forced to interact or to contribute to each other’s upkeeps. There was definitely enclavisation and segregation, many times voluntarily so, but always coupled with ample opportunity for people to willingly and voluntarily approach one another, given time and for reasons of self-interest. At least in the long run people became adherents to one overarching American culture. Voila: peace.

With a welfare state as a punching bag between groups however, cultural divides become much harder to bridge. Large scale immigration will always be culturally demanding, even when there is access to market mechanism to bridge cultural differences. But the welfare state largely nullifies such avenues.

1. The attractive welfare state lures non-productive economical migration, deters labour-market entry for migrants who do want to contribute, and cements welfare dependency. Beyond cultural effects, we therefore must add resentment fueled by the predominant culture having no choice but to fund absolute strangers.

2. While not specifically related to the welfare state; minimum wage requirements and other protectionistic union regulations exacerbate this mechanic. In Sweden, hardly a day goes by without some enterprising tax-paying immigrant getting a deportation notice because of having “taken too few vacation days,” or having “accepted too low a salary.” Yes, migration authorities actively enforce union edicts! In the face of this, who can blame a migrant who simply decides to play it safe and remain on welfare?

3. In Sweden, the welfare state is enormous and encompasses everything; from a plethora of transfer payments, to schools (including university), and health care. There is literally no way of escaping its grasp if you wish a lead a semblance of a normal life.

When a welfare state subsidies migration we get a direct burden on existing net taxpayers, who tend to be ethnically and culturally Swedish, above and beyond the burden already imposed by native welfare-recipients and rent-seekers. The added demand for already strained welfare services from new — perceivably alien groups who perhaps have never “contributed to the system” — makes it obvious that any welfare withdrawals for people who may have tilled the soil for generations, are severely discounted. People are inclined to have an opinion in this matter, and do not necessarily deserve to be labeled racist for daring to utter it.

[imaginedolanscribbles]

A heart’s journey [4/10]

Parts ONE TWO and THREE

warnings: forced marriage

words: 3.220

summary: the Duchess knows and plans change

tagslist: @graydolan12 @sweet-dolans (if you want to be included, just message me <3)

FOUR

You don’t see the Duchess for three days after, which in and of itself is strange enough. You’re pretty sure this has to do with the mysterious Mr. Spier, but you dare not ask and just keep accepting the apologies of “she is very busy” and “has a lot on her hands at the moment” for the Duchess’ absence. You’re occupied with preparing for the wedding ceremony, anyway. There are lots of dress-fittings you need to attend and usually a few hours of someone talking you through the ceremony and what is expected of you as the bride. There’s diadems you have to do fittings for until someone decides which one you’re going to wear and maids debate for hours over your hair. It’s a whole discussion which hairdo is the best in regards to your hair-structure and the practicality of covering it with a veil for a not insignificant amount of time, and it still having to look great by the end of it.

On the fourth day a servant knocks at your door just after dinner and tells you to come to the small ballroom, where the Duchess is waiting to talk to you. You don’t think anything of it at first and put the jewellery you only just took off back on, not even waiting for the maid. In fact, you’re in such a hurry that you’re already on ground level when you realize you forgot to put the fur back around your neck, your décolleté on full display. Feeling terribly exposed but not willing to turn back now, you keep going and run into Ethan and Grayson by the entrance to the small ballroom. They’re talking about something, and Grayson is laughing in that loud way of his, where he practically folds in half, his eyes so scrunched up they’re almost closed. Both their heads whip around when they hear your footsteps, and there’s a moment of silence when none of you say anything and you can almost feel their eyes lingering on your form. Your hands twitch, ready to fold over your naked skin and cover yourself up, but you quickly fist them in the fabric of your dress. You’re going to have to get used to this northern style of dressing eventually, and you don’t want anyone to think you’re not even trying. It’s not like they’re leering at you or anything, anyway, they’re just…looking. You’re beginning to understand that the uneasy feeling you get whenever you’re not covered up, is not the wish to hide from their eyes – it’s just a weird fluttering sensation in your stomach, almost like pride but watered down with so much embarrassment and shyness, it’s near untraceable.

“Good evening, Ethan, Grayson”, you greet them evenly and manage to reduce your curtesy-reflex to a simple bow of the head. When you look back up, Ethan has a polite smile pasted on, and Grayson … his eyes shoot back up to your eyes a second too late. There’s no sign of remorse, though, his mouth twitches into a boyish grin and he returns your look boldly, almost like a challenge. If he eyed you inappropriately again right now, he would be able to see the goosebumps spreading over the bare skin of your décolleté. Alright, maybe now it is pure embarrassment.

“Mum sent for all of us?”, Ethan frowns but doesn’t seem to be able to come up with an explanation himself. “That’s strange.” He pushes the doors open, Grayson and you following on his heels, to reveal their mother sitting by the fire in a big, almost throne-like chair. She has a document on her lap and the mysterious Mr. Spier is standing next to her, looking down at the document. He bows to the twins shortly in greeting and leaves without a word when the Duchess waves a hand at him. The doors shut behind him with a soft ‘klick’ and then it’s just the four of you.

“What’s going on?”, Ethan asks when his mother doesn’t say anything, the fire crackling softly and the clock ticking on the fireplace remaining the only noise in the room. “Did something happen?”

“Not so much ‘happen’, as ‘it finally made its way to us’”, the Duchess replies, her thumb rubbing softly over the document in her hand. You’re not sure why, but her cold tone and calm demeanour are making you nauseous. You can’t read what the document says, as it’s upside down, but you feel the strong urge to throw it into the fire right about now. As though he can sense your tenseness, Grayson shifts beside you ever so slightly, until his arm is brushing against yours and you can feel the heat radiating off of him. You feel a strong sense of thankfulness for his empathy rush through you, at the small gesture. The contact doesn’t do a lot, though, in terms of the icy feeling dripping down your back. “Mr. Spier has uncovered some pretty interesting facts about our little lady from Lausanne.”

Your throat is too dry to get out a word but you don’t know what to say anyway. So Mr. Spier found out how poor your family actually is? Did he tell the Duchess, you are unable to bring any advantages for the duchy to this marriage? Are they going to expose your family? They’re going to be the laughing stock of the entire kingdom, if this gets out. Livia and Tatiana will be forced to marry far beneath their status, because nobody will want to marry into the disgraced family that has nothing but a name left of their nobility. Your family will be shunned because you failed. You were unable to save them.

“Hold on, what …? Mum, why would he do that?”, Ethan asks and takes a few steps towards her, forehead pulled into a frown.

“Because I asked him, of course”, she replies calmly, no sign of regret in her voice. “I knew there was something up with that family, I just couldn’t figure out what it was. But if any of my children is going to marry into that same family, I’m going to keep digging until I find out what’s going on.”

“So you sent your lapdog to investigate”, Ethan shakes his head and even though you can only see his back, you can hear the disappointment in his tone. “This is not right, mum. How is any marriage supposed to turn out healthy, when it’s built on suspicion and intrigue?”

“Well, you’re not going to marry her, so no need to be upset, Ethan”, the Duchess replies flatly and her chilling look shifts from him to you. You feel sick. You’re not going to marry her. Although you were sort of expecting it, it still feels like a punch in the gut. That’s it then. Without Ethan your family is lost. “Look at her, she knows exactly what I’m talking about. And she dared lying to our face, just like her disgraceful family.”

“I- I’m sorry”, you stammer weakly. Only because Grayson is standing so close, you notice how your whole body has started shaking. You don’t dare to look at the Duchess again and keep your eyes averted, trying hard to keep back the tears prickling in your eyes. Shame sits bitter in the back of your throat, desperation spreading through every fibre of your body like a sickness. But then there’s also anger and defensiveness. She doesn’t know your family, she doesn’t know anything about them. She has no right to talk this way about them. They’re good and loving and trying their best. “I should probably go, pack my stuff.”

“Wait, what?” This time it’s Grayson chiming in and his hand lies on your arm lightly, holding you back from fleeing the room. “Mum, what is all this? What is this big thing Spier found out, then? You can’t make all this drama and not tell us.”

There’s a pause and you’re almost sure the Duchess will make you explain it. But then she sighs. “The province of Lausanne is basically bankrupt. Her family has lost all of their fortune and the entire province is on the brink of collapsing. We’ve all heard that it’s not exactly going great for Lausanne at the moment, but not to this extent. And they lied about it. Her father never mentioned their financial situation, no doubt because he knew that would jeopardise his daughter’s chances of marrying the future Duke – or anyone, for that matter. It’s also the reason why she was so poorly prepared for her stay here. Imagine how dire the situation must be, to not be able to afford warmer clothing.”

Her disdainful tone of voice almost makes you speak up defensively, but she’s right. What good would it do to get into a fight with her now? You want to explain how you never lied to anyone, not explicitly anyway. But evading having to tell the truth is still lying. So, you keep staring at the carpet beneath your feet and try to blink away the tears blurring your view and threatening to spill. The pause lasts for what feels like ages.

“Is that true?” You’re pretty sure it was Ethan’s question, but it could’ve also been Grayson’s. You’re too numb and cold to feel his presence anymore. Or maybe he has stepped away from you, unwilling to stand this close to you, now that he knows you’re just a front.

“Yeah”, you mumble and straighten your back, holding your head as high as you can, with your eyes still pointed downwards at the floor. “My family doesn’t have any money to spare, right now.”

“Well, there, you heard it. I won’t have a liar become the Duchess, Ethan, you’re not going to marry her”, the Duchess says, her voice now sounding all business. “We’re going to find a more suitable match for you, don’t worry.”

Ethan doesn’t answer. It’s weird, you should probably be more offended that he doesn’t seem to mind, but you’re not. If it were just about you, you wouldn’t care much about not marrying him, either. He seems like a great guy, respectful and with his heart in the right place, but maybe a bit too uptight, too stoic for you to develop more than superficial friendliness towards him. In every other regard than the personal one, not marrying him is a disaster, though.

“So…what happens now?” Grayson’s voice sounds distant now, which means he probably really did move away from you before. That stings a little more than it should, but your pride should not play any part in this, really. His question is a good one, though, you need to know what is going to happen next. To you, to your family – anything to distract you from the numb feeling of loss shuddering in your fingertips.

“Well, as much as I would like to, we can’t fully pull back”, the Duchess explains and there's tension in her voice now, like she knows she’s going to have to say something she doesn’t like. “We’ve already sent out the invitations, this engagement has been planned for almost a year now. Everyone knows about this marriage and we simply can’t cancel it without it being a huge scandal. It would obviously be a pretty much terminal one for Lausanne province, but it also sheds a poor light on us, what with falling for this ruse. Our intelligence system would be the laughing stock of the whole kingdom and I don’t want to tarnish the duchy’s reputation with any more scandal than strictly necessary. However, since I suspected something would not be right, we never specified whom she is going to marry. The invitations only spoke of a union of the Frysk duchy and Lausanne province, we never – “

“No!” He pretty much shouts it and you jump, finally looking back up. The Duchess looks genuinely apologetic as she sighs, and Ethan looks just as confused as you feel. But Grayson seems to have understood something the Duchess has not said out loud yet, and he very much does not seem to like it. He has his arms spread wide, his eyes are lit up with anger and the muscles in his jaw are working hard. “That’s why I’m here, too? You cannot be serious! This was your plan the whole time? To just use me as a backup-plan? What the hell, this is not…I’m not- I’m not doing it. I’m not even joking, I’m not doing this. You can’t make me, I’m not – no. Fuck. Fuck! No.” His hands are curled into fists now and as he swears he kicks the wooden chair closest to him. It topples over and two of its legs break with a loud splintering noise that makes you jump.

“I’m so sorry it has to be like this, Gray. I know, we said you could choose, and we meant it, believe me. But we couldn’t foresee this happening, and some things are just too important”, the Duchess says, and you even believe that she is sorry. Pain and guilt are written all over her face and she reaches out to soothe her son, but Grayson steps out of her reach quickly. His broad shoulders are heaving with anger, still, like a human volcano ready to break out at any moment. Ethan hasn’t moved but his confused expression has turned into a stony mask and you can see how upset he is, even though he doesn’t say a word.

Looking back at Grayson, who has started to pace through the room like a caged animal, you slowly start to piece together what’s happening. You never saw the invitations but you believe the Duchess when she says it was worded very vaguely…the strange seating on the welcoming banquet when you were positioned between Ethan and Grayson…

“Believe me when I say it pains me to say this, but you will be marrying one of my sons after all”, the Duchess addresses you again, and the pained apology in her eyes has turned into icy disdain once more. It doesn’t only pain her, apparently, she absolutely hates this. “We need to perform damage control here, so we will strip you of any and all privileges your family might have hoped to gain from this union. You will not become Duchess. Ever. We will not send aid to your province. As long as its condition is stable and doesn’t reveal the sorry state of your family to the entire kingdom, we don’t care how your people are holding up. You won’t be visiting your family, if they wish to see you they will have to come here. When Lausanne eventually collapses we want your ties to your family to be as weak as possible. We will not pay for your family’s misfortunes, not after your family’s disrespectful lies.”

While she speaks, that burning sensation behind your eyelids returns. But it’s not tears now, it’s the anger bubbling up inside of you, higher with every insult she throws at your family. You press your lips into a hard line to repress any words of defense burning on the tip of your tongue. You keep your eyes straight ahead and try to concentrate on your breathing.

“This union was supposed to advantage both our families, not just one”, the Duchess goes on bitterly. “This family gets nothing but disadvantages from this marriage, keep that in mind. We can limit the advantages your family gets, but we still lose. Grayson deserves to marry someone from a family that does not run their once rich province into the ground.”

“That what Mr. Spier told you, is it?”, breaks out of you, finally. “That my family just spent too much continuously, until nothing was left, yeah?”

“I think it would be best, if you didn’t – “

“We haven’t had rain in a decade”, you talk over her, her condescending tone fuelling your anger even more and you’re pretty sure you don’t have much to lose anymore. “We have little to no fresh water and it does not snow in Lausanne, so my family has had to buy fresh water supplies for people to survive. And you think my family ‘ran the province into the ground’? If you know a cheap way of watering fields and supplying people with water to drink and keep up production, let me hear it. No, even better, tell my parents, since they run the province and not me. But yeah, I know, we’re worthless because we’re poor. Couldn’t have anything to do with anything beyond our control, of course.”

Resounding silence fills the room, your hard breathing the only noise to be heard. The Duchess stares at you, you can feel it at the side of your face, but you don’t look at her and keep your eyes trained on the fire instead. Your arms are shaking with the effort to not cross them in front of your chest like a child. Ethan doesn’t move, doesn’t speak – no surprise there – and Grayson has stopped pacing. There’s anger radiating off of him in waves, still, and it meshes with yours until you’re not sure whose anger makes you curls your hands into fists, buried in the folds of your dress, as you wait for the Duchess’ verdict.

“Maybe it would be best for all of us to calm down and get a good night sleep”, she finally speaks up, her voice flat and neutral. “This was a difficult conversation, which we can continue in the morning. We still have lots of details to discuss.”

“Yes, your Grace”, you nod, only barely able to keep from biting out the words but you remember your upbringing. You can’t look at any of them as you turn around and quickly leave the room. Before the door falls shut behind you, you can hear Grayson say: “I am not marrying her, mum, forget it. You can’t just spring this on me, I –“

You can’t hear the rest and you don’t need to. As unhappy as Grayson is about it, you can’t say you’re thrilled about this turn of events either. The only bright side is, with a marriage to Grayson at least you will be inheriting Lausanne and it won’t fall to a stranger in the event of your father’s death.

No matter how long you lie awake that night, your stomach feeling queasy and tears repeatedly leaking from the corners of your eyes, you don’t manage to find anything else that could be considered a silver lining. Well, at least one is better than none.

You won’t be able to warn your family of the change of plans, however, since they’re on the road already. You doubt there would be anything they could do, anyway. The Duchess won’t let them terminate the engagement and even if there was a way, your parents probably won’t do it since your union to Grayson at least ensures the Dolan’s silence about Lausanne’s disastrous financial status.

The cage of lies that had pressured the air out of your lungs is gone now, at least. But it has been replaced by another cage, a much more threatening, cold one and you’re not sure if you’re ever going to be able to breathe freely, easily again.

a/n: I’m not trying to demonize MamaDolan here!! I’m really just envisioning her as a real mama-bear, trying to protect her children and family from anything she perceives as a threat to their well-being :)

Part FIVE: Cameron is a friend.

Masterlist

[rapeculturerealities]

Since its inception in the 1970s, hip hop has been predicated on free expression, civic (though not always civil) discourse, and communicating the ills of poverty and white supremacy. In 1988, N.W.A said “Fuck the Police,” and Public Enemy followed up in 1990 with “Fight the Power.” Over the past 40 years, many rappers have followed suit, making activism a core part of their brand. For instance, Meek Mill became a symbol in the fight for criminal justice reform after he was sentenced to two years in prison for a minor probation violation; Common is the face of Starbucks’s racial equity trainings; and Vic Mensa has become a leading voice on gun reform.

But while the hip-hop community is incredibly vocal about systems and structures that intentionally target Black men, its vanguards have been both the perpetrators of or silent about domestic violence and sexual assault, issues that disproportionately impact Black women. In May, Spotify announced a new hate content and hateful conduct policy that would stop the highlighting of music that “expressly and principally promotes, advocates, or incites hatred or violence.” Spotify then removed all of XXXTentacion, Tay-K 47, and R. Kelly’s music from promoted playlists, but kept their discographies available for streaming.

On October 8, 2016, 20-year-old rapper XXXTentacion was arrested and charged with aggravated battery of a pregnant woman, domestic battery by strangulation, and false imprisonment for allegedly assaulting his then-girlfriend Geneva Ayala. After the alleged assault, Ayala launched a GoFundMe to pay for a surgery that would reverse the damage he caused to one of her eyes. (XXXTentacion’s fans accused her of fraud, and GoFundMe temporarily deactivated her page. She’s since raised a total of $36,450.) When XXXTentacion was murdered on June 18, he was facing 15 felony counts related to the assault, but his fans and industry peers remembered him as an icon, mental health advocate, and humanitarian. Tay-K 47 has been charged with capital murder and aggravated robbery, and he’s also a suspect in a fatal shooting that took place in April 2017 at a San Antonio, Texas Chick-fil-A. R. Kelly has been sued by multiple women for sexual assault and accused of operating a sex cult.

Only weeks after announcing its policy, Spotify rescinded its penalty against XXXTentacion after Kendrick Lamar allegedly threatened to remove his music from the service. Atlanta rapper T.I. posted a message of support for Lamar on Instagram with the caption “Salute.” Many fans encouraged T.I.’s message, and some even suggested that Spotify’s policy reversal should extend to R. Kelly as well, though his streams have increased since the ban. And in the wake of XXXTentacion’s death, Spotify placed a tribute to the rapper on its homepage, leading to his posthumous usurping of Taylor Swift’s single-day streaming record.

Black girls and women who are often the targets of the abuse are not worth defending. However, when the victim of abuse is a Black man or the perpetrator is white, Black artists, including Lamar and T.I., often use their platforms to seek justice. Lamar’s hit 2015 song “Alright” is often played during Black Lives Matter rallies and protests, and his 2016 Grammy performance brought awareness to America’s mass incarceration of Black men. T.I. has been even more vocal, filling his Instagram grid with posts calling attention to police brutality, Donald Trump’s latest atrocities, and the hypocrisies of the criminal-justice system.

In May, T.I. sat down with popular New York radio show The Breakfast Club to lambast Kanye West for insisting that slavery was a choice and supporting Donald Trump. “You said you’re leading with love,” T.I. said. “If you loving this man [Trump] is hurting these people, what makes him worth so much to where it cause these people so much pain?” Given T.I.’s choice to challenge his friend’s anti-Black commentary, it is notable, then, that he does not hold his peers publicly accountable for domestic and sexual violence.

But it is not surprising. The hip-hop community, and the music industry that profits from it, have always accepted Black men’s violence against Black women and rewarded them with success. From Dr. Dre assaulting his ex-girlfriend Michel’le and journalist Dee Barnes to Tupac spending eight months in prison for sex abuse to XXXTentacion’s sophomore album ? debuting at the top of the Billboard 200 after he allegedly beat his pregnant girlfriend, violence against women has been commonplace and occurs without serious consequence. In 2014, hip hop and R&B producer The-Dream was arrested for felony assault and strangulation after his ex-girlfriend accused him of punching and kicking her while she was pregnant.

Just last year, he released new music with Vic Mensa, Ty Dolla $ign, Fabolous and Meek Mill, among others. In March, a video of rapper Fabolous emerged that showed him threatening his girlfriend, fashion stylist Emily B, and her father after she claimed he knocked her teeth out. He is currently finalizing a plea deal on charges related to the incident, but his music still plays on the radio and he recently released a song with Lil Kim. In April, Kelis detailed her physically abusive marriage to Nas; he released a new album, Nasir, on June 15 and will be headlining One Music Fest in September. (The festival’s lineup also includes Kelis.)

This pattern of excusing abuse and rewarding the abuser repeats in part because Black men often struggle to balance their victimhood with their predilection for wielding patriarchal power over women. In assuming the self-proclaimed position of “most oppressed,” many Black men believe they cannot be the cause of anyone else’s oppression. When Black men are considered the antagonist, suddenly justice and accountability become synonymous with persecution. T.I. and his supporters defended XXXTentacion because they “believed in due process.”

Musicians, in their view, should be deemed innocent until the courts determine the validity of a victim’s claim, even when, in the case of XXXTentacion, a damning 50-page deposition is obtained by Pitchfork and made public. Yet, when a police officer is accused of brutalizing a citizen, there is rightfully no call to “wait for all of the facts” before demanding justice, and when the courts fail to convict officers of misconduct, the assumption is that the system did not value the victim’s life, and thus, chose not to hold the officer accountable. Not applying this standard to Black male artists reflects the assumption that the accusers must be lying or simply, that the victim’s life is worth less than the abuser’s.

Black women are often asked to live as though that latter assumption is true, bear the weight of the Black community’s emotional trauma, and explain away the sins of Black men, which frequently means taking blame for abuse or excusing an abuser’s behavior. As the Women of Color Network notes, Black women may be less likely to report abuse in order to protect Black men from the penal system. But when four in 10 Black women are the victims of intimate partner violence, more than 20 percent of Black women are raped in their lifetimes, and Black women were two and a half times more likely to be murdered by men than white women in 2015, it is clear that the problem is systemic.

In the music industry, this means setting clear consequences for abusers. Rather than shirking under backlash, platforms like Spotify should use their influence to demote artists whose actions explicitly victimize others. Plainly, the music industry must stop rewarding men who abuse women with record deals, promotions, and brand partnerships, and start financially and socially penalizing them. As the #MeToo movement has shown in Hollywood and media, industries must acknowledge their complicity in sexism and misogyny and create a culture that’s safe for women.

Within the Black community, specifically, Black men must expand their activism to include issues that don’t center them and acknowledge that white supremacy is not the only aggressor Black people face. Black men must participate in real conversations about the ways in which they oppress Black women, especially those who are poor, disabled, and/or non-cis identifying. Black men have to take each other to task for their behaviors; if Kanye West’s peers can openly critique him for supporting Trump, they can keep that same energy about their peers abusing women. To end misogynoir, Black men need to understand, fundamentally and intimately, that they are not free until Black women are too.