#the bunny suit is so damn funny to me

[covetyou]

egg hunt

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pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: oral sex (m! receiving), balls, questionable use of sex toys, semi-public blowjobs, eggs, Joel is a giant bunny, feelings, misunderstandings leading to angst. word count: 5.9k summary: Catching Joel dressed as a giant rabbit in your backyard wasn't on your bingo card for things to happen to you this year. But, what waits for you beneath the bunny suit, and in his basket, aren't the only surprises you'll have tonight.

A/N: truth be told I find eggs genuinely, criminally funny in every possible way, as well as disgusting, so happy Easter!

These egg things are hilarious, but also not nearly as fun as they seem, though if I'd had the genius idea to stick 'em on some balls I imagine I would've had a much better time tbh.

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You almost don't notice, too busy shoving your cup harshly against the ice dispenser before taking a long, deep, gulp of the cold liquid. But then you see it, and it's not the shock of cold to your esophagus that makes your eyes widen, spluttering icy water before sucking in a desperate breath.

No. It's the ghostly white figure rummaging around in your backyard on all fours.

You duck down just as it stands, holding on tightly to the counter edge with both hands, before crawling to the backdoor to check it's locked, keeping you safely inside away from whatever this thing was. But, just as you reach for the latch, the creature stands on two legs, stretching back with two thick arms on its waist.

The figure is broad, and tall, and... dressed in what appears to be a giant bunny onesie. Even with it's head covered in a white hood, bunny ears flapping as the creature bends and moves, you know what it is. Who it is. You'd recognize those shoulders just about anywhere, and no one else would pull something like this at 9pm on a Sunday.

It had been weeks since you last saw him, but you can't say that was a surprise - what you had wasn't exactly a regular thing, if it could be called a thing at all. That doesn't mean you hadn't been hoping for it, counting down the days to the next holiday in hopes you'd see him again - There was no denying your disappointment St. Patrick's day came and went with no sign of a leprechaun and a pot of gold. Now, he was finally here, dressed head to toe in a bunny suit, doing fuck knows what to your lawn.

"The fucker..."

Unlocking the door, you slink out into the night, sliding it closed behind you before creeping across the yard. This was new, getting to be the one to surprise him. He may have been in your yard, but with each soft step of your foot on the grass it looked like you were finally going to one up him.

But then he turns around, looking toward the house and seemingly straight through you for a moment...

Before his eyes focus on you in the dark, and everything in his hands goes tumbling to the ground as he practically leaps out of his bunny suit.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ."

"We've got to stop meeting like this," you say watching Joel's giant bunny ears flap in the air with his movement as he bends, reaching down to the grass to pick up the basket he dropped.

"You half scared the shit outta me, what're you doin' out here?" he grumbles as he rights himself.

"What are you doing out here? It's my yard. You Bunny Joel this time?" you joke, crossing your arms over your chest in a not-so-smooth attempt to cover yourself. Getting properly dressed had been the last thing on your mind when you stumbled down the stairs, legs still jelly and head still fuzzy from post-orgasm bliss. The only thought that registered was how damn thirsty you were as you tugged a worn, old shirt over your head and made your way to the kitchen. It wasn't cool enough to blame the temperature shift on your quickly puckering nipples, and you didn't feel like explaining where your panties were or why your thighs were simultaneously sticky and slippery. You're just grateful you put on anything at all, and at the very least it was long enough to cover your ass.

Joel smirks, your fruitless attempt at modesty not going unnoticed. "Ain't no regular bunny, darlin'. I'm the Easter Bunny."

"And the difference is...?"

"Eggs."

You laugh, folding yourself over a little as you giggle into the night. The whole get up really is ridiculous enough on its own, yet here you are discussing the nuances of being a giant bunny with a man more fond of playing dress up than anyone else you'd ever met.

"Eggs?"

You spot them as soon as the word leaves your mouth - four colorful eggs sat neatly in his basket, and another nestled into your flowerbed. Only, they don't look like normal eggs at all. Squinting in the dark, the yard lit only by shitty solar lights you'd bought online last summer, you can make out the neat patterns swirled all over them. This was not the handiwork of some enthusiastic child dying eggs for Easter - they looked professionally painted. Joel shakes the basket at you as you continue to squint at it, and you realise not a single one has cracked or broken, even after being dropped on the floor.

"What are they? Egg shaped bouncy balls?"

"Got some balls right here if you're really that interested," he jokes, looking obscene as he waggles his eyebrows at you beneath the hood of the bunny onesie. "Here, they're just these... things. My brother got 'em for me as a joke, it's a long story."

He passes you one of the eggs, the surface smooth and cool in your hand. There's writing on it that you can just about make out, but you still have no clue what you're holding as you turn it around in your palm.

Sensing your confusion, Joel offers a choice gesture, as he explains that they're for "Y'know."

It clicks. Well, sort of. You know for sure then that they're not something you could sneak away for some solo playtime, like with the plug he dutifully left on by your bedside so many weeks ago but maybe, like the contraptions Joel had strapped over his balls your last two encounters, you could enjoy them together.

"Wait, so... you're giving me a thing for anatomy I don't even have?"

"No it's not like that, I just thought - I, well, shit."

"I'm just fuckin' with you, Bunny Joel. Though giving me a gift that's really a gift for yourself is a bit of a dick move."

"Ain't a dick move if you like 'em, sweetheart. And it's Easter Bunny Joel," he corrects with a wink, smiling at you as he drops the basket on the ground to pull at his neck tie. The man looks good in pink, you think, as he fiddles with the floppy satin.

"Y'know, Easter Bunny Joel doesn't quite roll off the tongue."

"Don't it?"

"Nope," you say with a pop, pinching the material of Joel's Bunny onesie to feel the fabric between your finger tips as your roll the egg across the palm of your other hand. "Think you need a better name than that."

"Okay, I'll bite. What you got in mind?"

You're walking your fingers down his chest now, dancing them in a criss-cross pattern across the fastenings at the front of the suit until you reach his hip and slowly you drag the tips of your fingers closer to his crotch until you're cupping his bulge. You wouldn't say he's entirely flaccid, there's certainly something there, but the length of him still feels pliable beneath your hand as you stroke over the front of his costume.

"I was thinking... Flopsy," you say with a squeeze of your palm against his cock, biting back a laugh when you hear him hiss a breath of night air through his teeth.

"Real funny."

"What? If you're committed to the bit, I can be too," and before he can protest you slip the fingers of your free hand between the fastenings on the front of his suit. You can feel his skin underneath, hot and sticky, trapped beneath the synthetic fabric of the bunny costume. At the very least, he's topless under there, and eager to find out more, you quickly yank at the front, grinning devilishly at Joel as the fabric pops open slightly.

"You really wanna be gettin' into this out here?"

"You scared, Flopsy?" you say, with another squeeze to his now much harder cock. "That side is up for sale, and Janet is out of town until Tuesday. No one's seeing anything. Unless you're scared someone might hear something... but I guess you'll just have to keep quiet."

"F- you're gonna be the death of me, darlin'," he mutters, pulling at his pink tie so it hangs loosely around his neck, giving him better movement to look down at your hand where it strokes his cock over the soft plush of the rabbit costume.

You tug again at the suit and with a rapid pop pop pop, the remaining fastenings hiding his chest from you pull open, revealing him to you and... he's a mess. From the neck down he's covered in streaks of paint, multicolored blooms splattered across him, dusting his ribs like a rainbow of bruises.

"Kid had some powder paint stuff - y'know that festival of color thing? Well, kid had some left after a party with a friend from school... had a little fight in the yard earlier before I dropped her back with her mom for the week," he explains quickly, rubbing a hand nervously against his chest and smearing the splattered rainbow there. You make a mental note, adding has a kid to the very short list of confirmed facts you know about Joel. It's not exactly a surprise revelation, all things considered - the costumes had to come from somewhere, and most grown men don't just have fairy wings and toy bows and arrows lying around.

"Well, Flopsy, you make a mighty fine canvas, but I think I might need a hand with this."

The egg you'd been turning in your hand is deposited back into his grasp just as you tug him forward giving him a peck on the chin and you look expectantly up at him. Joel knows he shouldn't pull you toward him and kiss you out here, he thinks he knows that the expectant look is nothing to do with kissing him and everything to do with the egg in his hand, but he does anyway. Slotting his mouth against yours, he pulls you into his chest, the sweat of his skin transfering blotches of paint from his chest to your old shirt. But you don't care, holding yourself tighter to him, pushing your fingers underneath his hood to card them through his hair. Joel groans into your mouth when your fingertips rub at his scalp. You're in half a mind to call him such a good bunny but the air, and the thought, is knocked out of you the next second when he presses a hand against your ass, pulling you further into him so he can grind his hardened length against your lower belly.

It's been far too long since someone held you against them like this, and far too long since Joel had had someone like you in his arms. As he kisses and kisses you, you're starting to feel more and more insane, and maybe you are - maybe accepting this man into your home with such regularity is the mark of insanity, some kind of as-of-yet undiscovered syndrome that's going to be named after you.

Eventually, you muster the strength to pull away, slapping a hand gently to his chest and nodding down to the egg gripped in his fist. You're eager to see it in action, even if you still can't quite picture what it is.

"C'mon, open it for me. Gotta properly thank the Easter Bunny for bringing me Easter eggs."

Joel slips the wrapper of the egg, something you never could've figured out on your own without decent lighting to guide your way, and presses a thumb into the side of it, popping the top off the egg in one smooth movement.

Before he can hand it to you, you slip down to your knees, bare shins resting against the cool, damp grass. It's a beautiful clear night, no trace of the moon in sight just yet, but the glimmer of stars sparkling relentlessly overhead regardless. You hadn't noticed how hot you'd gotten, but being around Joel always seemed to do this to you. Your cheeks felt hot, your heart beat faster, and your head felt slightly dizzy - the result of it emptying itself of all thoughts except the ones that made you make questionable decisions it seemed. Of course, this time the heat wasn't just from proximity, but from that damned fabric of his costume, the synthetic fibers making you feel sweaty as you held onto him. The grass beneath you is a welcome relief against your warm skin, sending the fine hairs on your body prickling at the sensation.

"This how you say thank you to everyone? On your knees?"

"It's how I say thank you to giant bunnies, Joel," you quip back, pressing a kiss to the softness of his belly. You litter a string of kisses down the trail of hair until you reach the boundary of the bunny suit. Whether he's commando or you have another layer to get through, you don't yet know, but you waste no time finding out. With the hook of your finger and a final swift pull, the last fastenings burst open, revealing Joel's heavy length straining against the front of his boxers. Where his tip tents the fabric, a darker patch blooms, turning the gray practically black with precum.

In your dreams, and there had been many of them, it didn't go like this. Dream you rarely went three rounds with themselves before Joel popped up to come fuck her brains out. Dream you was clever. And, as good as your solo session this evening was, you can't help but have a little regret for ruining yourself before the surprise main event. It was like eating a big meal right before someone suggested getting pizza. You could (and damn well would) eat pizza, but you couldn't enjoy it the same way. Pizza or Joel, you were going to savor it as best you could.

"Such a tease, Flopsy," you murmur as you kiss across his covered cock, nuzzling your face into it and watching in glee as his hand grips the opened egg that little bit tighter. Your fingers are pulling again, this time tugging down at his waistband. Joel is in half a mind to rid the egg of its shell and use the damn thing as a stress ball. It had been too long since last time, and since he last came two fucking days ago, to be seeing you on your knees for him in that flimsy t-shirt. It felt like a gift from the heavens and divine retribution wrapped up in one you shaped package.

As you pull his cock from the confines of his boxers, feeling the deep pulse of the blood in his veins as you wrap your fingers around him, you can't believe your luck at getting to see it in the flesh again. As brilliantly as your mind can concoct the image of it, the reality of it is so much better than any fantasy. Before you let yourself get lost in it, you reach for Joel's hand, grabbing the egg back from him and watching the top fall to the ground and roll across your lawn.

"It stretches. Goes over and you just - uh - stroke with it I guess."

The inside is far from what you expected. You almost find it gross, the translucent white interior far squishier than you expected that it'd be bordering on slimey if it was wet too. Joel laughs down at you, seeing your face as you try to work out what the fuck you're holding, pulling it free from the rest of the shell and seeing a hole stuffed with a plastic tube. You can see what he means now, and you let a soft oh fall from your lips as you tug the tube filled with a sachet of lube from the middle of the toy. You feel inside, running your fingers over soft ridges, and you can only imagine how nice it must feel sliding wetly up and down a cock and, not for the first time in your life, you wish you could experience it yourself. But, the next best thing is right in front of you, and that'll have to do.

"These feel good?" you ask, his eyes turning glassy as you examine the inside of the stroker while your hand still tugs slowly up and down his cock.

Joel sighs deeply, nodding down at you, the obscene bunny ears still flopping on his head with each movement. "S'good. Nothin' like the real deal but, yeah. Feel nice."

Gripping Joel's cock in your fist, you begin to stroke gently up and down, sliding his foreskin back and forth until he's steely hard beneath your palm. The solar lights are starting to dim, their charge from the day already running out, but you can still see the dusky red tip, and the blue of the vein that runs down his shaft. You squish the toy in your other hand, the temptation to taste too strong to just leave all the fun to the squishy silicone. So, you press a delicate kiss right to the tip.

"Oh fuck," Joel hisses.

"Missed it," you confess on your knees with another kiss.

"Yeah? Well, s'all yours." Mine.

"Really? Your bunny wife not going to chase me out of my own yard?"

"Know damn well I ain't got a wife, I ain't the cheatin' kind, darlin', don't you worry."

And that admission alone sends your aching cunt throbbing between your legs, wishing even more desperately now that you weren't completely wrecked and oversensitive from your ill-timed playtime upstairs.

"Good," is all you say before taking his head in your mouth with a swirl of your tongue, a satisfied moan vibrating against his tip as you taste him properly for the first time in 4 months. "I've been thinking about doing this."

"Yeah? Been thinking about sucking my cock?"

"Mhm."

"Shit."

A simple continuous swirl of your tongue and small bob of your head was apparently enough to have him gripping his hands into tight fists, clearly fighting some internal demons to keep himself from coming so soon. Your mind absolutely fizzes with it, that this man wants you, likes what you do to him so much that you can have such an affect on him. And when you suck lightly, his head tips back so far the hood slides back off his head. All you can see is the underside of his jaw from where you look up from your knees, and when looks back down at you with heavy eyes, he looks the most normal you've ever seen him. He's not Santa, nor Cupid, and the costume that had rendered him Bunny Joel just a second ago instead drapes around him like nothing more than a soft, white coat.

"Thought about you tasting you," you mutter between mouthing at his cock, slicking his entire length with your saliva. "Having you come in my mouth. On my face."

Joel groans again, much louder this time and you can't help but laugh, mouth pressed to his balls, at his feeble attempt at silence. You press the tip of your finger, egg still clutched in your fist, to his dribbling slit, and drag a tooth grazing kiss across his sensitive ball skin as you silence him with a whisper.

"Shh, Flopsy. You don't want us to get caught."

"Fuckin' Flopsy, I should -"

But you don't hear what he should do, because you engulf his tip with your mouth once again and Joel finds himself speechless as you immediately slide your lips further down his slicked length with ease. You work him in your mouth, sucking him as you move up and down. He can't stop moaning, he doesn't even try. He should, he thinks. You deserve better than getting caught in your backyard doing something like this, but all he can think about each time you move your tongue just like that is how fucking good your mouth feels.

He feels like he's going to come. Your hand is massaging gently over his balls, your mouth working his cock to a near frenzy, and he is absolutely, one hundred percent sure he's going to come. You know he's almost there. If the groaning wasn't enough, the tightening in his balls and the twitching of his cock were a clear sign he was about to blow.

Then you stop.

Just like that, your mouth is gone. Your hands too. And he's having to force himself to look down at you where you stare in awe at the stroker in your hands, glistening with lube you'd poured into it as he bit his lip and fought off coming, untouched, into the breeze.

You want to use it on him, to listen to him groan as you stroke him with the soft silicone, and watch his every move as you work him over the edge. And his cock, as if calling to you like some kind of siren of the sea, beckons you in, accepting an offering of one last kiss before you raise the stroker.

"It's so stretchy," you gasp, as you slide the toy over the tip of Joel's cock. You can pull it almost all the way down the length of him. You make a few experimental twists and jerks, before settling into a slow rhythm, teasing him just as you'd teased yourself and dragged out your own orgasm upstairs.

It's interesting. Slipperier than your own hand, easier than your own mouth, but not quite the same as either. You can't feel him like this, and you certainly can't taste him.

"Do you like it?" you ask, and Joel doesn't quite know what to answer. He does like it - he likes having your hands on him any way he can get it, but he can't feel you in the same way like this. And it's definitely not as good as your mouth, or any other hole of yours he's fucked.

There's just enough light to see his face give a noncommittal twitch and you're peeling the toy off of him, sucking his tip back into your mouth quickly, moaning as the taste of him hits your tongue.

"Good, because I prefer it like this too."

"Fuck, yeah."

Now though, you have a lubed up, saggy egg in your hand and nowhere to put it. Until an absolutely inspired idea hits you square in the face and you're grinning with Joel's cock in your mouth.

He barely sees the fiendish look in your eye, just notices as you pull off him again, and he could scream. Then, something smooth and cold coats his balls. Your fingers are cradling him delicately, thumb and forefinger stretching open the toy until with a gentle wiggle, his balls are encased in the squishy silicone. And holy fuck, is it like nothing he's ever felt.

"Don't think that's how you use it, darlin'. But, shit, it's good," he gasps as you gently massage his balls through the toy. It's like having a soft cool mouth encasing his entire ballsack, while your actual mouth kisses delicately all over his cock. "C'mon now, stop your teasin', gotta come in the pretty fuckin' mouth."

He's back in your mouth before he even finishes his sentence, your mouth sounding wet an obscene as you work him up and up and up all over again. You draw him in deeper, his cock meeting the back of your throat, over and over, his hand coming to cup your face and delicately wipe away a tear from your watering eyes. Fuck, you're wishing more than ever that you could just jump on him, that your cunt wasn't wrecked, or that it didn't matter, that you could go infinite rounds and still want to be touched again and again. But that wasn't you. You had a limit and, even though you'd reached it, the want in you didn't go away and neither did the slick feeling between your legs or the deep throb of your pulse beating away in your clit.

Joel's fingers grip tighter on the side of your face, a soft thrust of his hips meeting every movement of your head. Catching his eye almost kills you then and there with his cock wedged at the back of your throat. He looks as wrecked as you feel, dark eyes shining down like black holes from space now that the light from your solar lamps has all but fucked off. The paint and rabbit ears almost fade away into the background as you hold yourself down on his cock, making yourself whine around him. You're starting to think if you sucked his cock for long enough you could make yourself come totally untouched, but you don't want to think about it. You can't.

He takes over then. Each slip of your lips down his cock met with a gentle hold, until you both do it all over again. It's easier to hold for longer each time, almost feeling deeper with each slide of his cock across your tongue, the taste of his precum making you salivate as much as having your mouth filled and occupied is.

Then, he presses you down, holding your head as you moan and whine and try desperately to swallow around him, to take more of him as he only seems to get harder.

"Not so Flopsy now, huh?" he asks, releasing you and pushing your head down on his cock once more.

He's fucking into your mouth now, small shallow thrusts hitting the back of your throat, your hand working the toy slickly across his balls as he moans more desperately than you've ever heard him moan before. Despite your teasing and edging, he's the one holding back now, the feel of your mouth on his cock, your nails scratching at his belly, and that damned toy sliding across his balls far too much for him to want to let go of any time soon.

But fuck is he close, and if he's not careful he's going to ruin it for himself by holding back and exploding without warning. He's waited too long for that to happen.

"I'm gonna -"

"Mhm!" you groan around his dick, nodding as much as you can with it in your mouth. You steady your hand against his waist, taking over all movement as he stills the slow gyration of his hips, bobbing your head faster as you suck him down. The swirl and flick of your tongue is positively relentless, and everything feels so wet and warm and fucking perfect that he knows he's a goner.

"Hn-uhhhhh, fuck. Ah, fuck, don't stop, don't stop, fuck, ugh!"

He bursts, salty in your mouth, filling your throat as you swallow around him, massaging and gripping his heavy balls as they twitch in your palm through the thick silicone.

You're only a bit of a mess when you pull off of him. Your lips are swollen and tingly, your hand slippery with lube, but you are totally, utterly content. The slick feeling between your legs is still there, so is the throb, but you're as satisfied as you could possibly be.

Pulling yourself to your feet is another story. Your legs have gone a bit numb from sitting on your knees for so long, and you stumble as you fight to right yourself, Joel catching you just before you tumble into the flowerbed. You laugh in his arms, his mouth pressed to yours as he swallows the sound, consumes it, wills it to make home in his body so he never forgets it.

Joel's fingers work their way under your thin shirt. He'd been looking between your face and your nipples the entire time you were on your knees for him, and he suspects you're entirely naked under there. When his fingers meet your sticky thighs, he thinks he's hit the jackpot, and is ready to return the favor through the haze of his own orgasm, when you stop him.

"I, uh... sorted myself out not too long ago. A few times."

"Damn, if I'd known I woulda come right up and helped you out myself. Thought you were sleepin', house was dark. Jus' playing with this sweet thing all along, huh?"

If he had known, he would have known how much you thought about him as you fucked yourself on your fingers. He would have known how you used the plug he left on your bedside table more than any of the others, crying his name out into the lonely expanse of your bedroom as you came quicker, and harder, than you had any right to. If he had known, he'd know how well and truly fucked you were over a man you still knew practically nothing about.

Of course, you knew some physical things. You knew what he looked like naked, how broad he was, and how sweaty he got when he fucked you. You knew what he sounded like groaning into your mouth or laughing at a silly quip you'd thrown at him. You knew what he tasted like, and what you tasted like off of his tongue. But that was where your knowledge of him ended. You didn't know what he did for work, or if he even liked his job. You didn't know his favorite food or color. You didn't know what he sang in the car. You didn't know where he lived or what he drove - you didn't even know his full name, and you knew exactly why.

You were scared. Terrified, actually. Terrified to really get to know him, to break that blissful illusion of the tall, dark stranger who rocked your world on a seasonal basis, only to find you didn't like him at all. Or worse - that he didn't like you.

So, when you walk him through your house, egg disposed of and hands washed, listening to the soft snap of his suit being closed up around his bare body, you desperately try to ignore the longing ache in your chest, stopping any request for him to stay, to take you out for coffee in the morning before it stupidly tumbles out of your mouth. That's not what this is.

Instead, you wordlessly reach for your keys, smiling sweetly to him as if you hadn't just been waging war against yourself inside your head.

"What're you doing," he says, pointing to the keys held in your hand. "Goin' somewhere, or comin' home with me?"

"No, smart ass, this is a key, it locks doors. Just gonna lock up after you leave."

Joel's smile drops from his face. And you don't know why, but it has alarm bells immediately blaring in your head.

"What?" you ask nervously, eyes darting around his face as if you're trying to read his mind as he takes a slow step toward you, a frown slowly pulling his brow down as he pieces some mystery together.

"The door locks when it closes, then you the take the key and lock it again after?"

"... Maybe? Yes?"

"Wait. And you're tellin' me you do that every night."

"Yes, I lock my door every night Joel, what's wrong with that." Obviously your lock was no match for his lock picking skills, but you didn't consider that Joel perhaps didn't know how locks worked at all.

"What's wrong with that is you're unlocking your door every night and leaving it unlocked all night."

Your blood turns cold. You don't know why. You could just not believe him, or test for yourself, but something about his reaction, and his seemingly easy ability to get into your house, tells you that what he says is exactly right. It's your turn for your smile to drop, and you can feel it slip off your face just as your heart starts rapidly hopping in your chest.

"Oh. I - I thought..."

"It ain't that kind of lock, sweetheart. You never checked it after lockin' it?"

"No. No I - My last place, the lock, I had to - oh my god." There's dread now. A sickening cocktail of feelings swirling through your body, turning you red hot and cold over and over as you think of all the things that could've happened, how lucky you were they didn't, after all this time. Damn near a year, and you hadn't figured out how to properly work your own fucking door.

"How d'you think I been gettin' in? Didn't exactly climb down the chimney or fly in through the window the last two times. Maybe shouldn'ta done it that first time, but your tree was driving me mad, seein' it bare like that every time I drove past. You weren't in and the door was open, was only gonna be quick and then..."

You're not listening. Your heart has just stopped like it's been hurtled into a brick wall at 100mph. "Wait, you drive past my house?"

"Where else am I gonna fuckin' drive?!"

A thousand million volts straight to your chest, and your heart is beating again, racing, your voice raising with it, brandishing the pointy end of your key at him like it could save you now. "Have you been stalking me?"

"What? No! I live down the fuckin' street, I drive by to get to my house, I thought you knew that."

"Down the street?"

"Yes. I'm hardly gonna come from outta town just to fix your lights and your sink and fuck off again. I was just... bein' neighborly, I guess."

"You've been in my house fixing my shit without me here?"

It's just revelation after revelation. You can't believe it. You can't believe yourself for one, but you can't believe him either. Only you can. You very much believe him, and you hate that you do and you hate that, deep down, you know he's right and you're exactly the kind of idiot he's undoubtedly thinking you are.

"You ain't fuckin' noticed?! You had a light out in here, your kitchen faucet was drippin', your railin' in your hall closet was bust... you didn't notice anythin'? Are you even fuckin' in that pretty head o' yours?"

Suddenly you're feeling very stupid. The door is one thing, the minor home repairs another, but you'd been under the impression you were both on the same page this entire time. That it was some silly game you played, two strangers who had next to no clue about each other. All this time he knew who you were, but you were too fucking preoccupied and distracted and stupid to see that he was right there.

The heat in your checks crackles in your ears, misting over your eyes and making your entire body feel fuzzy. That fight or flight you'd been wondering about for the last few months has suddenly decided to make an appearance, settling on both as you fight back tears with a quivering lip.

"Get out." It's silent fury, building white hot as the seconds tick by with him standing, staring at you like you're the one dressed as a giant rabbit and not him.

"What? Darlin', c'mon, it's okay -"

"Get. Out." You wrench the door open, pushing him and his stupid fucking bunny costume out, shoving the basket of eggs into his arms once he crosses the doorway.

"Bye." You slam the door, the stupid fucking self locking door, and slide down it, head in your hands. You have never felt so fucking stupid.

next part

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[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Part of the Furniture" Episode Followup, Part 1

Surprisingly, this will not be an 11-minute furniture store commercial under the guise of an Odd Squad episode. This is, in fact, a British phase meaning "a person or thing that has been somewhere so long as to seem a permanent, unquestioned, or invisible feature of the landscape."

So in other words...maybe they won't treat Orli as new despite only be- ah fuck it who am I kidding. They will. I've seen the synopsis. They will.

Below the break.

They're staring into my soul.

I Don't Like That™.

Oh, a Gemma episode!

...Oh, a Gemma episode.

Okay, well...I'm fairly neutral on her, so I'm going to very much approach this with caution. Though given the complaints I've seen lodged against Opie, something tells me I won't like this episode if she's a prominent spearhead in it.

Did...did she say "Timekeep Terry" or am I tripping???

Again, I am forced to bring up how we've already gotten lore of the Odd Squad Timekeepers and how we're just yo'ing that right out the window.

...No, actually, lemme set that aside to ask why we have some random-ass dude watching the bullpen from what has to be his home and say that if that's not Timekeep Terry then we've reached "FUCK NO" levels of creepiness.

Look, I'm a fan of the show. I'm not hackin' into webcams to watch children in suits go about their day at work. That's a hell and a no.

"Well, she's definitely part of the furniture now."

Sigh...not even past the opening credits and we're already getting a title drop taken literally. Like it's taunting non-British people who don't know what the phrase means.

But the Internet exists. All I had to do was type in "part of the furniture meaning" and get an (non-AI-generated! human!) answer. Millions of people will do the same thing.

So to you I say: piss off. And I'm not talking about peeing.

(Yes, I know Orli then asks what it means. Point still applies.)

Okay...so we have Bunny Society, Kitten Society...can we get a Puppy Society to complete the trifecta?

hanggliding society

odd squad has hanggliders

Skill issue, charged by jealousy.

"...and the Odd Squad Band. I play trombone."

Somewhere, Olympia is biting the fuck out of a handkerchief and crying waterfalls. (Hey, if her dream of joining the Odd Squad Chorus was shot down and later revived...)

"Sounds like you have trouble saying 'no' to things."

Oh. Joy. "Olympia's Day" without the wild and crazy hallucinations and the sanity slippage and the mathness. So you sucked all the damn fun outta it because that was the cherry on top of a fantastic episode.

*slow clapping while I melt into a puddle*

New headcanon: since Alexander, and by extension Orwell, have limps, he uses his shared ability as a way to get around easier, scaring people be damned.

Headcanon accepted.

Oh, that is Timekeep...er...Time-Beat Terry!

Okay, good. Thank God. For a second there I thought I was gonna have to yo Gemma aside and give her a smack or two.

"Nice agent, not-nice agent" is like PBS Kids execs noticing Otto and Olive namedropping "good cop, bad cop" and saying "GOD no, not in your ass's lifetime" and preschool-fying it.

It's not quirky. It's not funny. It's not cute. Just say it normally. No one will care.

"It's when one of us acts like the villain's best friend, and the other one's really grumpy."

Okay, she's in the Department of Help so I can give her a pass on not knowing what it means, but this is very clearly explaining something to the audience that can watch a Season 1 episode and get the gist of without having it explained to them.

DeWitt, Schmid, and everyone else...what are you DOING.

"Yes, except it doesn't work with just one agent!"

Okay, but...there are other tactics. May I point to Otto in "By the Book" for more information?

Ah, so we have the UK's answer to the US's and Canada's cantaloupe.

I mean...would have been nice if they stuck with the cantaloupe, but we got a whole episode about that and the rehash line has to be drawn somewhere.

And speaking of cantaloupes...exactly how big is Orli's Headquarters, made of two agents, that it needs a cantaloupe to power it? It's a dark cave behind a waterfall. You're better off with flashlights!

Sev- I'm sorry, several times a day? The fuck are they doing to the thing that it needs replacing several times a day???

God, the power bill would choke half of America.

Hehe finale foreshadowing hehe you're not slick hehe bite my ass.

...wait waIT WAIT I MENTIONED "BY THE BOOK" HALFHEARTEDLY I DIDN'T THINK THE MATH MORAL WOULD ACTUALLY RIP FROM IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI-

"Did you forget?"

"Like I have memory loss?"

"...Look, I've had that happen to friends. Children who-"

"No, I didn't forget, Orwell. Go to your appointment."

Ahhh, so it's Time Thief Terry. Okay, that makes sense.

Doesn't excuse the fact that they won't mesh him in with current lore...but it makes sense.

*long deep sigh as seren unzips her chest, takes out her heart, and slams it on the table*

I can't keep doing this. Between Wonderful Precure and Odd Squad UK, I'M GONNA DIE.

"And thanks again for volunteering to bring the juice boxes this week."

Oh, if these were alcoholic, there would be so many comments I could make here.

Ah, and there's the Big Ben mention. Honestly, like the Doctor Who reference, it had to happen eventually.

Honestly, I actually thought for a half-second Ozzie would play bad cop. But then I realized he likes helping people and he's too nice for bad cop.

Orli, on the other hand, will snap Terry like a twig and tear right into him like a Nintendo 64 on Crimmis. And there's about a 20/80 chance of that happening.

Bringing "nice agent, not-nice agent" up once was irritating.

Bringing it up twice makes me want to strangle...a tree.

Bringing it up any more will cause me to go after fences next. And my ass can shred a fence.

Say it properly, Gemma. Stop PBS-Kids-fying it.

Hearing the word "roleplay" in any piece of Odd Squad media is some kind of sin, right next to "cosplay".

A piece of me just died.

Don't be stupid. Don't be stu- ah FUCK they're gonna make her stupid, aren't they.

FUCK your culinary biology. All my homes HATE your culinary biology.

All the videos of people putting rubber bands around watermelons and then them exploding? LOL FAKE NO. IT'S SUPPOSED TO DEFLATE HEHEHE.

See, the more I think about it, the more I have to wonder...haven't we already seen Orli say "no" in the show before? She and Olympia are vastly different and one has a clearly-defined goal in life while the other one's just...flat as a wooden board with no motive at all. If Orli had an actual motive like Olympia, this episode would be a lot better, but she doesn't, so...she doesn't.

(On to Part 2!)

[zimithrus]

Tiger & Bunny Week Day 2 🐯🐰

Tiger & Bunny 1st series Anniversary 🥂

I know this show has been out for quite some time now, but to be honest, I never got into it until the end of 2022/beginning of 2023! Originally, I remember when it first came out, me at the ripe age of 15 thinking 'Tiger and Bunny huh. Yeah that sounds like some cute moe-stuff. eh.' How wrong I was XD I was definitely under prepared getting into the show lol. Essentially a good friend of mine said 'This is like X otp but with superheroes! You gotta watch it!!' So I did, and now it's like, wow this has consumed me 😂

It had so much more depth than I thought it would. There is so much world building, character building, plot moving, petty banter and witty humor, low-stakes adventures and high-stakes predicaments that keep you coming back for more! And! While it's an anime, it doesn't have a lot of those common anime tropes that you expect in most shows. It's impactful and funny and charged with action and every character is designed and fleshed out so thoroughly and uniquely. No one has 'anime same-face', it's gorgeous.

Even major details are played out merely through a character's eyes alone:

Like this, when Barnaby states he doesn't like fire. The detail they took to not add a highlight in his eyes, like he's lost in a terrible thought.

2. They way they animate Barnaby crying even with his hero suit on.

3. In the same episode vein, exactly how Kotetsu looks after he says he knew Barnaby would trust him.

4. the detail alone in Jake's face here. When was the last time you saw an anime studio individually draw out a character's teeth?

5. and Maverick's expression here. Glowing blue eyes as we can see Barnaby's reflection in his glasses and you know something unsettling is about to occur.

The designs and expressions of these characters is amazing and unlike any I've seen before.

10/10

That's my little blurb about season 1 of Tiger & Bunny. I'll leave you with the first art piece I ever did for it. (Excuse Barnaby's bad hair, I was still learning how to draw those damn flips lol!)

[thisurlwasnttakenbutnowitis]

Every Epic Rap Battle of History Ranked, Part 2

Part 1

57. Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny

Winner: Easter Bunny

Best line: "The Great Wall couldn't keep you out of China. Watch me rub my foot for luck and stick it right up your vagina!"

Okay, okay, this is probably higher than it has any right to be, but damn it, I just love this pairing. You have a historical warlord famous for his brutality battling with a peaceful holiday icon for kids and I think the contrast is hilarious. It's nothing spectacular, but this has to be my favorite of season 1's "two completely random characters with no relation" battles.

56. Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder

Winner: Wonder Woman

Best line: "My rhymes are signed, sealed, and delivered on time. You're a bald has-been, I'm in my Amazon Prime!"

While I was always aware of Stevie Wonder's music, this battle actually made me look into it and appreciate it more. I love the touch of how Stevie's music style in this is a mix of his own as well as that of his actor, T-Pain. Also the quote above might just be one of my favorite lines in ERB history - I LOVE when a line can manage to mix in wordplay that relates to both rappers. Mwah, chef's kiss.

55. Master Chief vs Leonidas

Winner: Master Chief

Best line: "300 asses need a kickin'. Give more teebags than Lipton."

We're in the section of the list of good battles with nothing to really complain about, but also with nothing spectacular so there's not really much to say. I'm not a Halo guy so some of the references went over my head - I didn't get "You're the solider they need you to be" until looking it up just now, and yeah, that's a pretty funny line that I didn't appreciate when I was younger. It was also a good call to have Lloyd still be the voice of Leonidas but cast an actual muscular man to be the body actor; we definitely didn't need another Hulk Hogan muscle suit situation.

54. Goku vs Superman 

Winner: Goku

Best line: "There's only one way that this battle's gonna end: One more Superman who's never gonna walk again."

Ray William Johnson was a great casting choice for Goku; he brings a lively and memorable performance to the show. Although I didn't think Goku was quite so angry? Idk, I'm also not a Dragon Ball guy (forgive me for being such an uncultured swine and not knowing a lot of these series). Lloyd's Superman is pretty basic by comparison; it gets the job done, but it's like Sinatra vs Mercury where it gets overshadowed hard by the other performer.

53. Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney

Winner: Mitt Romney

Best line: "Republicans need a puppet and you fit. Got their hand so far up your rear, call you Mitt."

Man, remember when we thought Mitt Romney was the worst the Republican party could throw at us? Simpler times, man. Simpler times. This battle is the most-viewed in ERB history, which I think is kinda weird since I feel like people were way more into the 2016 and 2020 elections overall. But this was also the first election battle, and when ERB was still a relatively new series, so maybe it was the novelty of it at the time. Or maybe because Obama and Romney were both more well-liked than Trump, Clinton, and Biden. I dunno, I'm getting off-track here.

I thought for years that this battle was pretty well-balanced in terms of not showing favoritism to one side, though I thought Romney's line "I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts" was a pretty biased writing choice. But it turns out that that's almost a direct quote from Romney himself, so uhh. I also love how both opponents break down into slinging childish insults at each other by the end, it really goes to show that it's not glorifying either candidate. And that's proven true by the iconic scene of Abe Lincoln coming down and bitchslapping them both. Classic.

The real Obama is known to have seen this battle too and apparently liked it given that he invited Peter and the actor who played Obama here to the White House, so that's neat.

52. John Wick vs John Rambo vs John McClane

Winner: John McClane

Best line: "And lighten up, Wick, with your brooding saga. How 'bout a little hakuna matata, Baba Yaga?"

This is the first and so far only battle that's a three-way fight from the start, so that really ensures that all three characters are given ample time to all diss each other. I like it! The highlight here is definitely Lloyd's McClane, he's a delight to watch, and he perfectly captures how McClane is the lighthearted everyman of the group. Zach's John Wick is no slouch either, capturing the cool seriousness of the character. Where this battle falls flat though, and the only reason it's not in A, is Peter's Rambo. It's trying to be funny and it's just… not really funny. It's the kind of Sylvester Stallone impression that would get a chuckle out of you if your high school friend did it in the halls, but it just feels out of place in a professional production like this.

I love the subtle ways the backing track changes between characters too, with McClane getting some sleigh bells added in for his part, Wick getting a deep synth noise, and Rambo getting some somber strings. Really nice stuff.

51. Artists vs TMNT 

Winner: TMNT

Best line: "Uh, Dona-tell me who you are again, dude, 'Cause I don't Gattamelata clue what you do."

My only complaint about this battle is that it's just too damn short. This would be a pretty short battle even by 1-on-1 standards, but when you have 8 separate characters, each one barely gets anything to say. But what's here is great. Rhett and Link and Smosh is a good pairing that gives a lot of energy to the artists, and the turtle suit that the team managed to make for the TMNT is great. When the only negative I can think of for a battle is that I wish there was more of it, you know it's a good battle.

A TIER

50. George Carlin vs Richard Pryor 

Winner: Joan Rivers

Best line: "Now there's seven words you can't say on a TV set. But this is the pissin' fuckin' cuntin' internet!"

I'm realizing now how much work this entire thing is given how much I've written so far and we're only just now cracking the top 50. Still not even halfway there, damn. But anyway, this is a great tribute to a whole bunch of legendary comedians. It's a whole lot of fun to watch, and every performer captures the larger-than-life personalities on display. Lloyd's Robin Williams is a particular highlight. The only downside is Bill Cosby's part, it's not really funny and kinda just kills the pace. But it's thankfully short so it's not enough to ruin it.

49. Mario Bros vs Wright Bros

Winner: Wright Bros

Best line: "You might fly like a hawk, but you fight like a kitty!"

This was the first guest appearance of Rhett and Link and also the first 2-on-2 battle, and I think it does a really good job. Mario and Luigi are played absolutely nothing like their actual characters, but it's so far off that it's honestly hilarious.

48. David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini 

Winner: David Copperfield 

Best line: "My grand illusions make your parlor tricks irrelevant. The foot of Lady Liberty is stomping on your elephant."

Now THIS is a magician vs magician battle that actually lives up to the idea visually, eat your heart out, Gandalf vs Dumbledore. While Houdini is definitely the more interesting person to watch in this battle with all of the stunts he performs while rapping, I can't help but like Peter's silky smooth Copperfield voice, it's gotta be one of my favorite voices he's done.

47. Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers

Winner: Eastern Philosophers

Best line: "You tried to plant a new German psyche, but you just grew hate, me no Third Reichy!"

This is a very smartly-written battle, as it should be given the subject matter. Every philosopher gets a chance to sum up what they're all about, and the contrasts work perfectly - Lao Tzu's philosophy of letting life take you through its natural course vs Nietzsche saying you need to take control and fight for the life you want, and Confucius's teaching of respecting authority vs Voltaire's challenging of authority. …Socrates vs Sun Tzu doesn't really have a direct contrast like that, but hey, that's okay. You can tell a lot of research went into this one, and it's really worth looking into the meanings of the lyrics because some of it will definitely go over your head if you're not super into philosophy.

46. Blackbeard vs Al Capone

Winner: Al Capone

Best line: "You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine, if you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes."

Both Peter and Lloyd were clearly having fun with this one, they're both in their element when they're playing characters with big personalities and fun voices to imitate. The lyrics are great and dense too; this was the first battle of season 3 besides Vader vs Hitler 3, and I think season 3 is really when the series started hitting its stride with rappers' verses becoming longer and more packed with deeper meanings.

I only have two minor criticisms with this battle - first, Blackbeard's beard looks way too nice and clean, and it's especially apparent when Capone has a line about how dirty it is. Second, this video was sponsored by Assassin's Creed IV, which is all well and good, but forcing in a line about Edward Kenway and having him physically appear in the background really destroys my suspension of disbelief and dates the video hardcore. But neither of these things are enough to ruin an otherwise very good battle.

45. Rick Grimes vs Walter White

Winner: Walter White 

Best line: "Ask Gus, you don't wanna face off against me."

Okay, so, confession time: I have not watched either of the shows that are represented in this battle (Breaking Bad is on my to-watch list though). And oops, this vid's got a lot of spoilers for both series. Ah well. Despite not knowing a whole lot about either universe, I still think this battle is a lot of fun to watch. I particularly love the detail of a zombie crossing into Walt's side and getting distracted by meth - touches like that to tie the worlds of the two rappers together are always a treat.

44. Darth Vader vs Hitler

Winner: Hitler

Best line: "You stink, Vader. Your style smells something sour. You need to wash up, dog. Here, step in my shower."

Here we go. While Lennon vs O'Reilly might have come first, I think we can all agree that this is the real start of ERB. This is what made the series into a viral sensation and it's not hard to see why. The novelty of seeing a historical figure battle his fictional equivalent in a rap battle of all things was something unseen up until that point, and it helps that the lyrics were incredibly clever to boot - in addition to the iconic quote above, who could forget "So many dudes been with your mom, who even knows if I'm your father". I'm sure Disney would like everyone to forget that the Stormtroopers were named after Hitler's troops, but this battle stands as an eternal reminder of that fact.

43. Mr. T vs Mr. Rogers

Winner: Mr. Rogers

Best line: "I'll say this once, Laurence. I hope it's understood: Get right back in your van and get the fuck out of my neighborhood."

Peter's acting here is pretty similar to how he portrayed Bob Ross, but his portrayal of Mr. Rogers easily wins in my mind for how much more savage the insults are. Even though Rogers definitely steals the show here, Mr. T also manages to be very entertaining. It's hilarious how he's screaming at Rogers the whole time while Rogers consistently keeps his cool while hurling passive-aggressive lines.

Also, whew! We're officially halfway done with this list!

42. Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin

Winner: Steve Irwin

Best line: "I'm a wild man, you're a subdued sub dude. The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes!"

This battle's an interesting role reversal - usually it's Lloyd portraying the grumpy character and Peter portraying the lively one. But it goes to show that the two of them have the acting chops to go either way. Especially Lloyd, he's really entertaining when he can let his silliness out. I love how in the part where Steve is pointing to Jacques and talking about him like he's a wild animal, you can tell Peter is holding in laughter.

41. Tony Hawk vs Wayne Gretzky

Winner: Wayne Gretzky

Best line: "You and I have so many world records between us. 184, that's plenty of 'em… and I set 183 of 'em!"

This is a very slept-on battle, being the lowest-viewed of any of the pre-hiatus battles (though 18 million views still certainly ain't bad). I still remember my first time watching this battle as someone who didn't really know anything about Wayne Gretzky aside from "he was a hockey player", my jaw fucking dropped at that world records line. Absolutely killer setup and execution.

40. Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter

Winner: Hannibal Lecter

Best line: "I don't mind that you're naughty, Jack. I hate that you're sloppy."

I can't imagine that this one was particularly easy to write for given the very little we know about Jack the Ripper. I was gonna say, "Oh this battle was made before we knew his true identity", but apparently it's still not really agreed upon who he really was and the mystery gets "solved" again and again every few years. Anyway, Lloyd is great as Hannibal, his faces and mannerisms are perfect, and Dan Bull provides an interesting interpretation of the type of person Jack may have been. I love that Jack spends his entire first verse purely hyping himself up and Hannibal calls him out on being a narcissist, it's something that kinda shocks you as a viewer cause it's something you probably don't even notice on the first viewing, and you're also not expecting the video itself to point it out. It really sells the "Hannibal is one step ahead" kind of vibe.

39. Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula

Winner: Vlad the Impaler

Best line: "Imagine forests of corpses dripping on a buffet. You call that a nightmare? I call that a Tuesday."

Vlad the Impaler is probably the single most cold, brutal character ERB has ever had, and Lloyd gets some truly bone-chilling line deliveries in as him. Peter's Dracula is great too, the whole thing of a killer with class being disgusted by a killer who's just trying to be vicious actually makes it quite similar to Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal now that I think about it.

38. Babe Ruth vs Lance Armstrong

Winner: Babe Ruth

Best line: "So c'mon, little buddy, don't look so pissed. With all that blood and attitude, you're like a menstrual cyclist."

Like Hawk vs Gretzky, this is another athlete vs athlete video, and you'd expect the odds to immediately be stacked against Armstrong by virtue of the fact that you have a known cheater going up against an athlete with integrity. But Armstrong actually manages to put up a damn good rebuttal, taking shots at Ruth's personal life instead. I still think Ruth won, but both rappers actually manage to knock it out of the park, pun entirely intended.

Also unrelated to the battle itself but I've always thought the face Lloyd makes in the thumbnail of this one makes him look like James Rolfe.

37. James Bond vs Austin Powers

Winner: James Bond (modern)

Best line: "After 24 films, I'm still reaching new heights. Your third movie died, guess you only live twice."

I've always kinda wondered why Peter was cast as Austin Powers in this, I think Lloyd looks a lot more like Mike Myers. I guess they didn't want to have a battle where Peter is completely excluded while Lloyd gets to play two characters. That being said, Peter does nail the Austin Powers impression, so it's all good. This battle's a really cool concept, a character rapping against their own parody version, and then an earlier version of the character comes in and disses on their modern version. The battle does basically cease to be about Austin Powers at that point, but I think it works because neither version of Bond considers him a serious opponent.

This battle is loaded with great lines too - in addition to the quote above, we also have "I'm licensed to kill, you couldn't get a learner's permit", "Spell my name, all the ladies wanna B on D, any sex appeal you might have is beyond me", "I only need one round, golden gun", and "I don't need a Q to break your balls". Brilliantly clever writing.

I will say that the background effects for modern Bond, while they definitely do look cool, are a bit too much to the point of being distracting. Maybe it was a deliberate choice to contrast with classic Bond though, as a way to convey that the modern Bond films are a lot more about flashy spectacle than the more grounded stories the early films had, I dunno. 

36. Mozart vs Skrillex

Winner: Skrillex

Best line: "I attack, you decay, can't sustain my releases! Sidechain, Wolfgang! Bangarang you to pieces!"

This battle is everything that Bieber vs Beethoven should have been - a battle between a modern musician and a classical one that actually gives the modern one a fighting chance. Plus it actually changes the background music to match the style of whoever's rapping! This battle is great, no real notes here. Mozart's line about "in two more months the world will forget about your Skrill-excrement" has aged pretty well too given how Skrillex's star has definitely faded since this video's release.

This battle is also notable for being the only one where a real person that was portrayed in an ERB has actually performed it themselves! Skrillex, obviously, not Mozart. The real Skrillex actually came out as a surprise guest appearance in a live performance of the song and helped Lloyd finish it out. I admit, I didn't really know what Skrillex actually looked like, but seeing him side-by-side with Lloyd in costume, yeah, the team nailed his look.

35. Ragnar Lodbrok vs Richard the Lionheart

Winner: Ragnar Lodbrok

Best line: "Your son killed your ex, your ex killed your wife. I'm the Lion King, man, but that's a messed-up circle of life."

This is what I love about ERB, man. I had never even heard of either of these historical figures before this battle, but I watched it, loved the song, got curious what all the lyrics meant, did research on both men, and then went back and rewatched the video with the new knowledge to catch all the references. ERB is truly at its best when it's making learning fun.

Interestingly, the reason this battle was even made in the first place was because the mobile game that sponsored it reached out to Peter and Lloyd and asked if they would make a battle between two of the historical figures in their game in exchange for the sponsorship. Given that the battle was effectively made as an ad for a mobile game, it's shocking how good it turned out. You'd really never know that's how it came to be just looking at the end product.

34. Darth Vader vs Hitler 2

Winner: Darth Vader

Best line: "Roar like Chewbacca, the voice of Mufasa, I'm on the leader of your limp-dicked Luftwaffe!"

And here we go, the second of the Vader vs Hitler trilogy is easily the best one. I feel like it struck the perfect balance - it was bigger and more epic than the first while not feeling fatigued on the idea like the third. Season 2 kicked off with this and you could immediately tell the jump in production quality from season 1. This video had an intro and everything, continuing off from Hitler being frozen in carbonite from the first battle. It's great, what else can I say?

33. Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe

Winner: Marilyn Monroe 

Best line: "You still got no children after your third marriage. You lost so many babies, we should call you Miss Carriage!"

This was the first battle where neither Peter nor Lloyd play one of the rappers, even though it is not the first female-on-female battle (but we don't talk about Gaga vs Palin). But both performers do a stellar job; I love how Marilyn's demeanor goes from the giggling flirtiness we know her for to becoming increasingly pissed off and hysterical as Cleopatra hurls more and more insults at her (Marilyn's "Translate this into hieroglyphs: Your sandy vagina has a seven-year itch" would have won best line were it not for the sheer brutality of the Miss Carriage line). And getting a professional dancer to portray Cleopatra was a great choice; she's still one of the most visually interesting rappers to have ever been on the series. And no, I don't just mean that in an ogling way.

Also, I think this is the only battle where the same person starts it and closes it out? Which does lead to Cleopatra feeling like she doesn't get as much screen time, but it's certainly not a dealbreaker.

32. Moses vs Santa Claus

Winner: Moses

Best line: "It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass. You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added more mass."

This battle was definitely meant to be a stand-in for Jesus vs Santa; that was the matchup we all really wanted to see. But someone somewhere must have gotten cold feet about dissing a figure that millions worship, so Jesus got swapped out for someone Jesus-adjacent. Hey, I'm a Christian, and I know I still would have found a Jesus rap battle hilarious.

But whatever, even though it's not exactly what we wanted, what we did get was still great. The fact that they actually managed to get motherfucking Snoop Dogg as a guest star because he happened to be using the same studio as ERB at the time still blows my mind; I don't think any guest star is ever gonna top that. And they certainly had some fun with having him on board - I love that they managed to make jokes referencing him while still being appropriate for Moses, like "smoking all that burning bush", or "so much drama in the IsraeL B.C.". This is a battle that just always puts a smile on my face.

31. Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison

Winner: Nikola Tesla

Best line: "I don't alternate my flow, I diss you directly!"

I love how this battle really leans into how we now perceive Tesla and Edison, with Tesla being a hero for the people and Edison as the greedy villain who kept him down. Good stuff. Don't really have a whole lot to say about this one, it's just a good battle with two very memorable personalities, and Peter's Tesla voice is very pleasant to listen to. And of course, the electric synth in the background track was a must.

30. JRR Tolkien vs George RR Martin

Winner: George RR Martin 

Best line: "All your bad guys die and your good guys survive. We can tell what's gonna happen by page and age five!"

All right, so, I ain't the most well-versed in the fantasy genre, but I still really like this one. The underlying argument between the two men here is something I've seen time and time again on the internet - "happy endings are boring and predictable" versus "eschewing happy endings just for the sake of it isn't automatically good". It makes for good battle fodder. Also I just love Lloyd's performance here - it's so loud and boisterous, and his "No he didn't!" is A+.

Okay folks, click here for the third and final part as we rank the best of the best!

[thedragonchilde]

All right, episodes 7-11 now!

"Prepare to Fight! Desperate Fugitive"

-Chico has to be a nickname that stuck, man

-oh my god Bunny

-uh yeah that Speedo leaves nothing to the imagination, by which I mean there's nothing there

-”but to be honest I'm getting a bit tired” yeah, anyone following Domon would

-I wonder if this guy is an early bird Schwarz disguise

-Chibodee like “did I get caught up in a government plot to assassinate a Gundam fighter again?”

-team nobody, man. Chico’s plan was short-sighted, but Domon's logic doesn't make sense

-okay, I can see where this feels a little weird for siblings

-Domon, you can't call Chibodee out for trying to butt in when you did the same damn thing to George

-so that conversation had to be within the cockpits, otherwise Chibodee just blew the whole plan

-”then I'll be reborn too?” okay that actually hurt

"Old Grudge: Revenge of the Space Police"

-how is it that Andrew changed so drastically in five years, but Argo looks the exact damn same? At presumably 21 years old??

-oh my god Domon and Rain are so immature at each other

-lol Domon likes being grappled

-oh my god Nastasha is so hot

-that was a stupid move, Rain. Noble, but stupid. Sometimes we get these glimpses of her being, well, 20

-I mean, the report being from your government isn't necessarily trustworthy, but on the other hand, they wouldn't have any reason to make Argo look good, so if they came to the conclusion he wasn't at fault, that does say something

"Powerful Enemy! Chapman's Heroic Challenge"

-George has a fairly sizeable butt, but it's not very shapely

-Domon, where and when would you have learned to play poker?

-he smiles when a gun is pressed against his face. Hmmm.

-George shows up in his trace suit, and then suddenly shirtless under a blanket, all seemingly without leaving the room. Uhhhh he stripped in front of Domon and Rain?? I mean, they probably turned around, and he had to take it off so she could patch him up presumably, but still

-why is he taking stimulants late at night?

-ooh, Chapman has chest hair

-the first and only mention of terraformed Mars

-the Chapmans sound like they're discussing inviting Domon into their bedroom

-Rain, why did you taste the unknown pill? And how do you know from taste that it's a stimulant?

-that is NOT how you take stimulants! Lord almighty, just chomping on a handful of pills (capsules, even, which you're supposed to swallow whole), what do you think is gonna happen?

-”that's how he can see through this dense fog” not how stimulants work!!

-what do you mean he doesn't know???

-damn, what a downer ending

"Terror! The Phantom Fighter Appears"

-man, I don't like this episode. It doesn't do Sai any favors

-I love Stalker

-ooh, survivor's guilt

-Sai, you're the one who suggested a ghost, how did Domon scare you?

-I guess he doesn't have to go anymore

-”That's nice, goodbye”

-crocodile tears from the monks, gotta love it

-”I survived, but don't ask me how” damn, Rain

-I find it hilarious that they built a whole damn pyramid for this guy

-it's not the fear that annoys me, it's that it's treated as comic relief and reinforcing the “little kid” image

-Domon took to the big brother role quite nicely

-okay Domon holding just the top half of Dahal’s body was actually kind of an uneasy visual, even knowing it's a cybernetic zombie at that point

"Reunion in the Falling Rain"

-I shouldn't find it funny that she recognized his voice by a grunt alone

-I'm not sure why I'm thinking of this now, but there's some digging to be done in a mechanic and medic preferring to dress in micro-miniskirts and heels, even on the job

-I wonder when/how she got her mech certification then

-”rain on earth is so inconvenient” it occurs to me that the Fight might be the first time Rain's ever been to Earth

-so was Rain's mom Anglophone? (Is Rain mixed race?) Or is English a lingua franca that's wormed its way into Japanese naming conventions?

-now I'm wondering how many fighters are scouted versus trying out, and if it differs by country

-hmm, I wonder how they'll treat Saette once he's healed. Neo Turkey is gonna have to be let into the loop a little bit, right?

-I forgot where I saw it, but apparently the proper Arabic transliteration of his name would be Sayit?

-I mean, she didn't lose interest then, but she seems content to leave it in the past now

[bringbackbunnymaloney]

WHAT IS THIS??? -> https://bunnymaloney.myspreadshop.net/ I was excited even seeing this official or not A lot of the merch seems a bit silly, but it's still something LOL 🧵!!!

It says that they ship anywhere in the world as well. Hmmm.../pos

Let's look at what they have now~ So. First, we have....that's right. A Casanova Clone shirt! They also have this in tank top form. All the shirts have a variety of colors to pick from. It says "My name is Bunny, Bunny Maloney", which is funny because....we all know Casanova calls himself Casanova LMAO

ALSO THERE'S A MUG OF IT LOLLLLLLL

Next we have.... A pretty damn good lookin' shirt available in most colors and as a tank top! It says "Bunny" and has Maloney doing his charming pose! I LOVE THE STARS ON THIS, IT FITS SO MUCH 😭

A "Bunny Addict" mug....what a way to call me out LMAO

Also this is a VERY cool mug...and just you wait until what's next~

THAT'SSSSS RIGHTTT!!! This same design as a shirt!! IT'S SO COOL HBZJJHBZJHB It says "Which Bunny are you today?" And features "Relieved, Happy, Sleepy, Smart, Surprised, Suspicious, Disappointed, Angry, and Embarrassed" facial expressions! Comes in different colors, a kitchen apron, a fabric bag, and...a baby bodysuit??

Next is this shirt! Available in different colors, a tank top, a kitchen apron, a fabric bag, a mug, a 5 pack of small badges, and even a children's size shirt! "Bunny or not Bunny" it says....😭😂 Though silly, it looks pretty good!

THAT'S RIGHT, FELLAS...A LMFAO REFERENCE. Available in many colors, a tank top, a mug, and a fabric bag! HE'S BUNNY AND HE KNOWS IT!!! Go on, say you're sexy, Bunny LMAO Nice pun, but I thin- (Anyways)

THISSSSSS!!!! I LOVE THIS SMMMM, MAN- It says "Bunny Maloney" and feat. Bunny doing an iconic pose and the colors fit perfectly ngl! Available in different colors, a mug...and....

A PACK OF 5 SMALL BADGES???

Next is a smaller version in terms of how Bunnies are there on the shirt, but still same design! This shirt is in different colors, a tank top, a fabric bag, and another baby bodysuit LOL

......no I'm not kidding about these baby suits.

Next we have Bunny doing his transformation pose! It says "Bunny" Pretty sick shirt available in different colors!

Jean François fan??? Well, there's one shirt for you LOL It says "Jean François" It's JF doing his transformation pose available in different colors!

I d o troll once or twice./silly Yet another Jean François shirt that says "Jean François"!! This one's EPICCCC!! Available in different colors!

Ah yes. H e r. 😅 Available in diff colors and as a tank top, it says "Candy". I have to say, looks great!

Yet another. Saying "Candy", it feat. Candy doing her transformation pose. Available in different colors!

THIS ONE IS SO CUTE, GUYS! Available in different colors, this shirt feat. Candy, Bunny, and Jean François doing their victory cheer after a Debilouman battle! It also features some Japanese as well and other epic things from the show! I remember this moment, very sweet!

LMFAOAOOAOAO LOOK AT THIS ONE!! REALLY PEEP THIS ONE!!! Available in diff colors and as a mug, it's a reference of the MGM Lion and also to the start of the Bunny Maloney intro. BUNNY IS GROWLING HAHHAHAHA "GRAOWW" HE SAID.

How romantic haha (erm...*cough*) Available in different colors, this shirt says "Be my Bunny" and feat. Candy and Bunny dancing together like in the show!

Wow. You made it to the bottom to this thread?? What a nerd.../pos ANYWAYS...LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Available in different colors, this shirt says "Bunny Maloney" and feat. our favorite pink hero! THE BACKGROUND IS SO COOL!! It features things from the "Which Bunny are you today?" shirt, but in a retro type way! Def a sexy last option ngl~💗 WELL! THAT WAS EVERYTHING CURRENTLY ON THE BUNNY MALONEY FASHION SHOP! OFFICIAL OR NOT? WE'RE NOT SURE YET LOL WE MIGHT BUY SOMETHING THOUGH, WE KNOW THAT FOR SURE~

[lilbit-of-kizzy]

Live blogging the 9 miraculous season 5 episodes on Disney+ below the cut! (Spoilers obviously lol and it's uh...long and rambly 😅)

Ep1

Gabriel looks absolutely ridiculous omg 🤣

Bunny cat!

Me:....did he just die???

Chat: did we just...defeat him??

Me: nah fam he dead welcome to orphanhood

Someone please get this girl some real therapy my god

Ya gotta feed your pets Gabe jesus, I love how the kwamis were just willing to let him die 😅😂

The bunny miraculous makes Chat's face so cute lol

Get. His. ASS NATHALIE

Ep2

Omg grand master's shoes 🤣🤣

Thank you Plagg we've all been saying that for years

Love square reverse here we go

Uh-oh scetti-os

Ep3

Oh hey...they actually said "yeah no one's that stupid, magic literally stops you from recognizing the holders" also I love the Kwamis annoying Gabe lmao meanmeanmeanmeanmean

"Tom? Is it really the time to be baking croissants?"

"Yes dear the plot demands it"

Gabe just....doing all this shit in front of two pajama clad teenage girls while Marinette and Alya just.....stand there looking so confused 🤣🤣

Reunion?? Later????? TAKE THE MIRACULOUS WHY ARE YOU MONOLOGUING??????

Told you 😮‍💨

Aw baby boy :(

Oh shit

Dude the rings look even more stupid 🤣 but the cocoon transformation is pretty bad ass

Ep4

Why does everyone have clones?

Phht banana Adrien

Well damn Tikki

"it's probably just a bug" lol puns

Ooooh it's both their gift that's fascinatingooomg that baby doll kill it kill it with fire o.< Nooo they're multiplying....oh no my babies :(

Oops you made him mad....oh jeez really mad...

Giiiiiirl

(real talk a: therapy, both of them b:....the problem with teenagers is, when not shown the actual consequences of an action...that action becomes much easier to repeat.....ie I know smoking is bad, but I can't see or feel it affecting my lungs so it's probably fine........Adrien baby boy I know the part of your brain that controls executive function is still developing but fight it my dude)

Ep5

*hissss*....*HISSSSSSSSS*

Omg Nino's look of disgust at being lied to

Whyyyy does Mari have 3 plates of spaghetti?? (I'm gonna just assume it's not spaghetti but why 3 plates 😂)

Publicity stunt, though yeah Nino

This is the 2nd time Mari's used her klutzieness around Gabe to get away with something but uh...has she been klutzy lately otherwise?

"and lack of dietary quality of the cafeteria" why must he be funny?

Gabe stop mentally abusing his son for his own gains challenge

Oh that's interesting....he didn't go with being mad, just being a bad father....ummmm

Dramatic much

Phht Nino the condiment names gotta stop

......*hisssssssss*

Nino....pick different names

I love that everyone is outgrowing Mari, the fact that they're all growing at all is pretty cool

Ep6

Reverse love square pt2: Adrien is still dense af (my boy gotta thing for eyes)

Omg she actually answers in Spanish I thought that was a meme 🤣 (is it Spanish in French as well??....what do they use in the Spanish dub??)

It's uh called hormones my dude...hormones kicked in

A few DAYS ago??? It's been weeks right????? Continuity people it is important

I like how they're handling this, cause Mari is absolutely right, she's built up a fake person

Lol Luka and Kagami are just like "stop" neither of them are gonna let her cop out of this 😂

Cat slipped out there for a sec lol

Ofc she carries measuring tape

Poor baby boy (how many times have I said that?)

Luka do you know how to OPEN those doors??

Oop Reverse love square Mari: Oh No He's Hot (I knew this was coming lol)

The sword wasn't a meme 🤣

Oh look trauma

Ya waited too long...wait a bit longer it'll all sort out... hopefully lmao

Ep 7

Oh he's got it baaaad

Plagg....you were pushing him towards Mari like 2 days ago

Get his assssss, I love how worried she is for Adri....YASSS QUEEN

Not well Adrien....not well

Can uh....can people see when they're paralyzed?....nope 😮‍💨

I really like the swap designs

Oh no the overflirting comes from Plagg 😂

"My suit has a really weird influence on you" yeah that's the cheese crazy kwami

Aw Adrien's voice is deepening

Tikki is so full of anxiety

Does Alya just live with Mari now 🤣

Aww 🥺

Ep8

Hey Alix went to NC!!!

Forsooth!

Oh look....someone being corrupted by social media...topical!

Trivia boy lol

Omg the history lesson 🤣

👍🏻

*gasp* Gib (if you understand that I applaud your taste in musicals)

Plagg spit is radioactive be careful Adrien

Ep9

And a bell!

Alya: touch grass

Oh uh-oh actual marichat wow (also what does she say in French for Chat Noir lol I wanna know)

Aww he's nervous

Uhhh Mari if he likes you he won't like Ladybug... they sure are cute though

Mari you aren't in a suit....you should not be that high up that precariously

Oh noooo they're so close (at least he knows she loves both of him)

She booped his snoot :3

Good job Adrien, that is not easy to do but exactly the right thing to do

Oh ok that's one way to do it but god poor kids

Aw that neck touch

You're melting my butt!

Why are they still going with the charms? They don't work 🤣

Gabe's rotting arm is uh...really disturbing to think about

Mari you're 13...you have so much time to figure love out

Welp... that's it lol

[thelovelybitten]

vera’s first watch of south park — season four (part 5?)

I really need to not write so much but I need to for science

EPISODE 14:

is this another Christmas special

?????

PIP !!!

he’s so BABIE

AYO THAT THROW WAS PERSONAL

tbh not gonna pay too much attention to this one Imma be real

PIP DOING A JIG PLEASE

OH ESTELLA

pip receives dice cool ??

the set for london is rad

I wish my attention span cared abt this episode but I can’t be bothered it’s BORING

oh the cheating

I was reading other things SORZ

final act woo

oh there’s monkeys and men hanging to their death

and bunnies

oh bunnies are dead

old lady burned to a crisp and Estella loving each other alright the end

okay pog

EPISODE 15:

THIS INTRO JUST DOESNT MISS I AM TWERKING EVERYTIME

oh miss choksondik is back

BOT MANATEES

Wendy speaking facts

OH MY GOD NOT THE MANATEE SLAUGHTER

cartman getting away w anything is not surprising

but YO VITE BACK TO MANATEE TIME

EW CARTMAN THAT IS STRAIGHT BUTTER THAT IS DISGUSTING

CARTMAN GOING TO FAT CAMP AS THEY SHOULD

Mr.Garrison real for that

OH MY GOD THERE IS GUTS EVERYWHERE

I’m gonna vomit

GUYS DONT GET KENNY TO EAT IT

oh he’s gonna die from that isn’t he

THEY SLAUGHTERED SO MANY MANATEES IM UPSET

okay cartman let’s go 2 fat camp

EW

OF COURSE KENNY IS SICK THE FUCK

KYLE STOP KENNY DO NOT EAT THAT

NO GROSS KENNY NO

y’all are so weird for this

Cartman feral fr

LMAO such a good scheme

WHAT

no fucking way

CARTMAN THAT IS NOT YOU

I know it’s not him I FEEL IT IN MY BONES

NO KENNY DO NOT EAT THAT DOG SHIT

THAT IS SO VILE

KENNY IS GONNA DIE OH MY GOD IM GONNA THROW UP STOP

KENNY IS NOT A PROSTITUTE

pop off chef

WHAT THE HELL LMAOOOOOO I’m crying

principal Victoria is NOT HAVING IT

I FUCKING KNEW IT

CARTMAN IS SO MANIPULATIVE

STOP MY BABY KENNY IS GETTING SO BEAT UP

KENNY IM SO SORRY BABY BOY IM SO UPSET

KENNY YOU CANNOT BE FOR REAL

EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK KENNY DO NOT CLIMB INTO SOMEONES UTERUS ?’vbv THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE

and KENNY DO NOT GET ORAL SEX YOU ARE 8

OFC KENNY IS IN JAIL WHAT DID YALL EXPECT

KENNY’S PARENTS ENCOURAGING THIS IS SO FUCKED

oh they made fake cartman go into the uterus instead so slay

YO WHAT THE FUCK

fake cartman died big L

ANOTHER KID ?!?!

EPISODE 16:

IKE AND KYLE PLAYING BALL OMG

RAGING PUSSIES LMAOOOO

Kyle is doing the most to go to this concert

HIS DRAWINGS IM SO 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 HES really so cute okay

SHEILA AND GERALD ARE TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK

KENNY PLAYING WITH A FIRE TRUCK 🥹🥹🥹🥹 MY BABY

no CARTMAN DONT TELL KYLE TO CALL THE POPO WITH A FAKE MOLESTATION CLAIM

THIS IS SO BAD

OH MY GOD NO

OH SHITTTTTT

KYLE FUCKING SLAYING THE HOUSE DOWN CMON UNDERWEAR SHADES

THE KIDS BEING KIDS POP AWF

OLD TOWN ROCK N ROLL A BANGER

IKE NOT THE TOASTER

KYLES PARTY BE LIT AS FUCK

hc: kyles parties are always THE FUCKING BOMB next to the rest of the core four and Clyde

Clyde just knows HOW TO THROW A PARTYYY

Stan would get Shelly to boot for him

heck, Randy would do it too

Liane would for cartman

Kyle has a loophole w Stan as super best friends do

Kenny is the life of the party but can’t host shit bc of his family life FUCK

anyways back to the ep

NOT STAN GETTING SHELLY ARRESTED TOO

this is where this Stan dancing meme came from I see

LIANE HAVING A THREESOME LMAOOAOA

damn they really gettin everyone

GHOST TOWN

smiley town so real

BUTTERS <33

CRAIG IN HIS SPACE SUIT OH MY GOD IM CRYING HES SO CUTE

ITS SOACEMAN CRAIG

him making the noises as he walks away has me in shambles

KINDERGARTENER HOBGOBLINS

of COURSE CARTMAN IS MAYOR

Oh MY GOD KENNY IS DEAD

Pretends to be shocked

STAN AND KYLE SLAY

oh my god this is SO FUNNY

BUTTERS BROKE THE CAR

of course Wendy is on team stan she’s so real

Bebe on team cartman not cool

STOP IM CRINGING

ANYWAYS THIS EP WAS FUNNY

EPISODE 17:

LAST EP OF THE SEASON

and it’s a Christmas one. great

KYLE MANIFESTING MR HANKEY STOP

but him and Ike are so precious I can’t

STOP THEM SLEEPING ON EACH OTHER

perfect fucking siblings ON THE ENTIRE SHOW

parents putting them to bed 🥹

STAN IS ASLEEP KYLE PLEASE

KENNY HAS NO PANTS

the boys are disheveled I DONT BLAME THEM

I hate mr HANKEY with every fibre of my body

THE KIDS !!! cartman as Santa and the rest of the boys AS REINDEER 🥹🥹

Kenny as Rudolph 😭😭😭

snoopy cameo

BUTTERS MAKING THE CUTOUTS

OH HE ATE THESE

SO SLAY

BUTTERS ROBBED HE SLAYED THAT ARTS N CRAFTS

I cant be BOTHERED WITH THIS MUSIC NUMBER UGH

okay lion king ref

THE BOYS ARE SO CUTE

DREIDEL SONG SLAYED AGAIN

KYLE AND CARTMAN FIGHTING THIS ONE WAS ICONIC

wait they are demonstrating how the creators animate these shows !! THATS SO COOL

god I did not know this was stop action ?!?! FUCKING COOL

THEY MADE A WENDY CUTOUT THATS MY GIRRRRLLLL

okay KYLE W THE VOCALS

STAN’S CARTMAN IMPRESSION ATE

NO NOT KENNY

Style directors and writers as they should

OH NO

NOT THE FILM BURNING

WAIT THEY FIXED IT EPIC

WENDYYYYYY I LOVE HER

LMAO CHRISTMAS IS ABT PRESENTS REAL

END OF SEASON I MADE IT WOOOOO

gonna watch season 5 RIGHT AFTER DANCE

[askfoxythejokerfox]

A Interview With Foxy The Joker Fox

*Security guard: *into a recorder before starting the interview with Foxy* i am with subject 87 also known as Foxy The Pirate or real name Brandon.

Security guard:*clears throat nervously* u-um c-can you understand me at all?

Foxy The Joker: of course i can understand you dumbass 

Security guard: *chuckling nervously* um s-so um mr Foxy are you aware at all to who you were before you died?

Foxy The Joker: *takes out her cigrete and lights it as she takes in a puff and puffs the smoke in the security guards face* yes hun and also it’s MRS Foxy im trans *points to her transgender flag pin on her suit* and also since im happily married to the love of my life Springtrap

Security Guard: o-oh! im so sorry Mrs foxy heh i do highly support the LGBTQ group and congrats on your marriage btw

Foxy The Joker: thanks hun honest *smiles softly as she smokes her cigarette* but the answer to your question darling is yes i do remember who i was and i know exactly to what happened...

Security Guard: oh? what do you exactly remember to how you died or who killed you?

Foxy The Joker: *lets out a soft sigh and tears up slightly* well my real name was Brandon as you know...but my parents took me to this place back when i was 10 years old for my 10th birthday. i was playing around with this Ghostbusters arcade game as everyone knows im a huge Ghostbusters nut heh

Security Guard: oh heh yeah that is an amazing movie *smiles and makes a funny remark* Who Ya Gonna Call?

Foxy The Joker: *smiles and says in a girly tone* GHOSTBUSTERS! 

*both the Security Guard and Foxy The Joker laugh a bit at the joke*

Foxy The Joker: *sighs as she takes another puff of her cigarette* but jokes aside i was playing this arcade i forgot which one it was as this was a long time ago heh but this strange man dressed in a bunny suit lored me into the back promising me he had a TONE of goodies and tokens and other arcade games in the back so i followed him in believing his lies...what a fool i was...*sighs* and the rest well it’s disturbing...

Security Guard: how so? 

Foxy The Joker: *sighs* hun really honestly it’s disturbing...but if you really want to know *sighs* he stabbed me over 15 fucking times in a row ripped my intestines out and stuffed my body in this GOD DAMNED SUIT!! 

Security Guard: *gets up and slowly reaches for his tazer*

Foxy The Joker: *laughs hysterically* relax honey i was just joking but for real tho he did stuffed me in this fucking body i felt the first 4 stabs but then the rest went...numb...it turned black and then i remember waking up in this thing...

Security Guard: o-oh im so sorry...*gulps nervously and sits down* soo whats with the name Foxy The Joker and why do you wear that clown makeup?

Foxy The Joker: well due to my death and remebering everything it turned me...INSANE! and with the make up it’s to cover up how i really look like *smiles softly*

Security Guard: o-oh? 

Foxy The Joker: *nods softly as a light was illuminating her as she takes her cloth and washes her make up off as she scooches closer to the security guard revealing 2 very large and deep heath ledger like scars on both of her cheeks forming a huge permanent smile* see? *giggles softly in a creepy way*

Security Guard: *face turns pale white* o-ok s-so um a-are you a hero o-or a villian to G-Gotham? a-as t-th-there has be-been a lo-lot of rep-reports of m-murders happening i-in Gotham *gulps nervously*

Foxy The Joker: *grins to this question* im an anti hero hun the GCPD can kiss my animatronic arse to be honest as i do protect Gotham from these so called criminals of Gotham City i only kill as a last resort as mostly the criminals i fought were sent to jail anonymously but the ones who i murdered were mostly rapists or murderers or they left me no choice.

Security Guard: ah ok then so um your relationship with Springtrap um how’s that? and do you know he’s the one who murdered you?

Foxy The Joker Fox: *sighs softly as she puts her cigarette out* yes i know he’s the bastard who killed me and my parents but things changed ever since me freddy and the others killed the bastard and set him in that springlock suit as when he died and was trapped inside that thing for all eternity he changed...i forgave him for everything and we became friends and then afterwords we became in love heh...then the day 4 years ago to be precise he asked my hand or hook *chuckles softly* in marriage...despite what anyone says about him i love him to death he is and always will be my babe to me *blushes softly and looks at her heart shape locket that holds a picture of Foxy and Springtraps marriage*

Security Guard: aww that sounds sweet and i do bet you 2 make a wonderful coupe together *smiles softly still nervous* 

Foxy The Joker: *smiles and giggles softly* YES....yes we do...

Security Guard: *to recorder interview with subject 87 went surprisingly well does not seems to be a major threat twords normal people and does surprisingly has a heart for others tho she does seems to be a major threat twords criminals but that is due to the fact they claim to be an anti hero this may be because due to the disseperence of The Batman also known as Bruce Wayne she has taken the role of Batman or the Joker to try to stop the crime waves that has been going on in Gotham City. Ending To Interview with subject 87.

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Omg I made a post about Italian-American Ryan proof entirely out of my ass, all source: dude trust me and how his old workplace looks like venice but that lion of venice thing is making me lose my mind. That's so funny. Katsura does mention apollon medias "griffon" as why Ryan should be let to have wings despite not being able to fly but I choose to believe in this lion of venice truth since it doesn't exactly detail how he ended up coming up with the idea in the 1st place

I know some of katsuras thoughts because I got to leaf through the rising katsura art book a while ago and it mentions inspirations for Ryan's suit (I machine translated the text so I can't get the exact wording but the general gist so this isn't 100% factual), including "he kind of has poofy pants with white stockings and gloves like a prince" and that it fit better for him to be gold and navy instead of gold and black due to the navy fitting better with white stockings and gloves, and that with facial design of the mask he added the blue border to make the white stand out and that its kind of like a "masquerade mask" when seen from the front and its true, it kinda covers the upper part of his face.

Which all was kind of funny to me yet unrelated to everything but now I'm like wow. He's just dressed for the venetian carneval obviously... you can take the man out of Italy but not the Italy out of the man<3

My solution for his anglophone name is that he's italian-american since he always struck me as a bit of a funny anime american stereotype in the first place (egotistical, loud, blonde, etc). To me he is Mr. Worlwide...

Anyhow, the art book also mentions that the wings activating/glowing are his good luck mode (the translation was awfully unclear but this is how I understood it), and it shows a timeline of sketches of him making the shoulder pauldrons bigger and bigger until he just decided to go fuck it and straight up add wings for him instead

Here's some images out of the book

I think that because mattia is an Italian name he should just be Italian and speak Italian fluently. Ryan should be hanging out with barnaby and mattia and be like Italian pride<3 randomly and mattia gets excited and speaks to him in Italian while Ryan is like oi oi, now barnaby doesn't understand us... and Barnaby (a genius) is like oh mattia taught me plenty when we were children! It's alright:)

Now Ryan has to face his demons (can understand perfectly but can't reply fluently bc his parents didn't speak with him in Italian enough bc god damn their son is kinda insufferable sometimes). Ryan is getting an identity crisis because why can Barnaby speak Italian better than he does. He has to excuse himself expeditiously. He left his stove on yknow and his iguana misses him, and he's so damn busy

Kotetsu offhandedly mentions that he knows an Italian guy and Ryan is like omg...it's Me. And kotetsu goes like mattia:) he's bunny's friend. And Ryan is crying and throwing up mentally like he's literally right here.... fuck this gay anti-italian earth etc

Some Italians can't speak Italian fluently and they're valid (daily affirmations)

So me and the T&B discord have deduced that Ryan is Italian

Keep reading

[beeindaclouds]

What Halloween couple outfit you wear w/ the DSMP

Includes: Dream, Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Badboyhalo, Skeppy, Quackity, Karl Jacobs, Wilbur Soot, C!Philza, C!Technoblade, Nihachu, Eret, Punz, FoolishGamers, Awesamdude

Click here before requesting, please ^^

Reader: GN - They/Them

A.N: Can I just say, if the DT picture's don't have them dressed as the Power Puff Girls, I'll be angry >:[ /hj

Dream: Spiderman & MJ [Spiderman]

Did I get this idea from the face reveal? Yes.

Like I imagine most of your pictures being his facea slightly shown, just as a tease, even if he has face revealed already lol. And the obligatory upside down kiss u.u

🎃

Georgenotfound: Team Rocket [Pokemon]

Honestly, I had no ideas for George-

But I think the costume would suit him, and you would 100% make a tik tok w/ the team rocket catch phrase

🎃

Sapnap: Killua & Gon [HunterxHunter]

This is just me manifesting Sapnap cosplaying as Killua

The outfits are pretty comfy, and don't take much time to make. You two also probably bought very very cheap wigs and just went with it. But y'all looked adorable anyway

🎃

Badboyhalo: Shaggy & Velma + Scooby

This was definetly just a way to get Rat to dress up as something too

Again, the outfits are pretty simple and, by the end of the night, you had so many pictures of Rat with the Scooby's collar and a headband with similar ears to his too. Your memory card is probably almost full by then haha

🎃

Skeppy: Robin & Steve [Stranger Things] [Platonic]

Skeppy suits Steve's whole character so much

🎃

I feel like they have similar personalities, and Stranger Things couldn't be more well known, so you two found a great costume

Quackity: Mario & Sonic

Honestly, I wanted to put a funny outfit but couldn't think of one T^T

I mean this one is not bad, especially after the whole "Chris Pratt" situation, it couldn't be funnier to dress up as Mario. And Sonic has been popping off w/ it's movies, so what a great couple haha

🎃

Karl Jacobs: Prince Bubblegum & Marshall Lee [Adventure Time]

Really wanted him to have an Adventure Time costume, and what could be more perfect then these two?

Karl dressed in a prince like pink costume, while you rock a casual Marshall lee like costume. You definetly used the confidence you had in the costume to tease Karl a little, which he did not found funny at all. You could see it in his pink tinted cheeks

🎃

Wilbur Soot: Harry & Ginny [Harry Potter]

This could also be changeable, maybe if you are more of a Drarry fan you could dress up as Draco

Regardless, Wilbur is already British, so what more could be perfect? He has the glasses, the attitude and just needs a costume and the typical lightning scar on his forehead

Technoblade: Thing 1 & Thing 2

🎃

Philza: The Addams Family [Platonic]

Tristin and Phil would look absolutely adorable as Morticia and Gomez. Then you, and the rest of SBI, get to choose who to be of the family u.u

🎃

Look me in the eyes, and tell me this isn't perfect? Right, you can't!

Cause let's be honest, Techno would be too lazy to make a costume. And with this one you just gotta have a red shirt and a circle of paper with "Thing 1/2" written on it

🎃

Nihachu: Angel and Devil

Feel like this outfit is so overused by now

But you two found that it suited you very much, so you went with it anyway and looked damn good in the costume!

🎃

Eret: Jack & Sally [Nightmares before Christmas]

Honestly, the outfits you can make for this are spectacular!

And you could easily agree on who to be. Eret could be Jack in his typical suit or Sally in her usual dress, and vice versa w/ you. We love a versatile couple u.u

🎃

Punz: Nick & Judy [Zootopia]

Ok- hear me our- Nick's personality is basically Punz's-

And who wouldn't want to see Punz in some cute fox ears and a tail? Definitely not you. I can already hear Punz teasing you with the "Smart fox, dumb bunny" line hehe

🎃

FoolishGamers: Sandy & Danny [Grease]

There are some aspects of Danny that don't suit Foolish, at all, but the costume would look amazing on y'all

You two also tried learning one of the dance too, it didn't end well, but the video attempts were hilarious and a great memory for the future

🎃

Awesamdude: Cosmo & Wanda [Fairly Odd Parents]

Did I mainly go w/ the fact that Sam's color scheme is mostly green? Yes-

But the costume is easy, and you two rock it completely. You could also put your own spin on the costume, just to make it more unique!

[holylulusworld]

Stand by your man

Summary: Dean is the one for you.

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, implied rich reader, harassment

A/N: Lyrics in Italics taken from ‘Stand by Your Man by Tammy Wynette

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

“Mom, dad, this is Dean,” you excitedly introduce your boyfriend to your parents. Dean stiffly stands next to you, unable to even breathe. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“We got that honey,” your father chuckles as he holds out his hand for Dean. “Dean, welcome to our home. I heard so much about you. Like, a lot.”

“Darling, be nice,” while your mother welcomes your boyfriend, he tries to not embarrass himself in front of your parents. “Dean, nice to finally meet you. I know everything about you.”

“Everything?” slinging your arm around Dean’s waistline you try to calm the nervous wreck he turned into. Usually, he’s a self-confident and cocky guy. Just not today. “I hope she only told you the highlights.”

“Only good things, Dean,” you coo.

“Don’t believe one thing,” your father whispers in Dean’s ear. “These two won’t hide things from each other. You better be careful. Don’t trust them, son.”

“Son?” Dean chokes out.

“Well, you are Y/N’s boyfriend. Maybe you can tame the brat I call my daughter.” Your father smirks at you. “You look like a man knowing how to turn her into a sweet girl.”

“Sir, I don’t think Y/N needs me to tell her what to do. She’s a grown woman, and perfect the way she is. I wouldn’t ask her to change a single thing about her,” Dean states.

“Y/N, marry that man,” your father pats Dean’s shoulder. “Son, welcome to the family. You’re the first man not wanting to impress me.”

“Dad, slow down. Don’t make Dean nervous,” you tut. “We are dating for a few months. We will marry if we are both ready. Right, baby?”

“Uh-right.”

Dean is so cute when shy. You smile at him and squeeze his side. “How about we get some food, Dean? I know you must be hungry.”

“Oh, darling. We are terrible hosts,” your mother tuts. “Dean, come with us. We got a buffet and you must try the mini-burgers.”

“Mini-burger?” Dean’s eyes lit up. He licks his lips, hoping to get a taste of the burgers. “I love me a good burger, ma’am.”

“Young man, call me Y/M/N. Y/N told me how much you love burgers and pie. We got the best pie in town for you, Dean,” now your boyfriend’s stomach rumbles. “We got apple, cherry, and pecan pie.”

“I love me some pie…”

While you are busy talking to an old friend of yours, Dean has a look at the buffet. He happily puts a mini-burger and pie on his plate, looking for something for you to eat.

“Just look at him,” someone says loud enough to catch Dean’s attention. “I bet his jeans are from Walmart and that shirt. What is this even?”

“He looks like a lumberjack. He didn’t even shave, or style his hair. How can Y/N date a loser like him?” the man huffs.

Dean looks down at his body. He swallows thickly as he wears his best jeans and your favorite plaid. The one you bought for him.

“Gold-digger, no doubt.”

“I can’t believe she brought her fling home. My sister at least tries to hide she’s fucking some bartender to satisfy her basest instincts.”

“Maybe he’s good at fucking,” the other man nods eagerly.

Dean is not hungry any longer. He puts the plate on the table, ready to just leave the party. What did he expect? Your parents are one of the richest people he ever heard off. He’s just some random mechanic owning his own business.

“Poor doesn’t suit her,” the men chuckle. “I bet she comes crawling back to me in no time. The little bunny needs her carrot. No other guy will ever do it for her.”

“That’s right,” you snarl at your ex as you jab two fingers into his chest. “Only Dean does it for me. He’s more man than you could ever be. My Dean is a loving, caring, and damn handsome man. He’s smart, funny, and kind too. And yes, he’s a bomb in the bedroom.”

“Woohoo!” your father claps his hands. “That’s my daughter. As I said, you need to marry that man.”

“Darling, slow down. Let Y/N handle this. She’s her mother’s daughter and will not let this fine man slip through her fingers.”

“Baby,” stepping in front of Dean, you cup his face with your hands as you can see the uncertainty in his eyes. “Never believe you are not the man I want.”

You press your lips to his plump ones, taking Dean by surprise. “Sweetheart.”

“Ladies, and gentlemen. If one of you didn’t get it yet, I love this man,” you greedily kiss Dean again. “He’s the man I imagine spending the rest of my life with. Now, if you excuse us, my man is hungry.”

Stand by your man And show the world you love him Keep givin′ all the love you can Stand by your man

Tags in reblog.

[absentmoon]

'matching colors'

word count: 2,395

a/n: posting this au out of order because i can 🖤

notes: topscule (partly bennybug focused), isekai au // allusions to past ableism

"Those jokers," Benny sneered, pacing the same as he had been for quite awhile now. If he continued for much longer, Bug mused from their bed, he might start to wear a hole into it. "Thinking they have any right to what a broad does with their own damn money. The nerve!" His shoulders were tense and fists clenched, Bug noticed. Rarely ever did he get so worked up— the fact that it was over them, for their sake, made something in their chest flutter warmly. They reached up to brush a hand against his shoulder as he paces, and Benny whirls around, face twisted up into something between fury and heartbreak. He lifted a hand, fingers curling against Bug's cheek, and kissed them softly, before pulling away to stare at them with something brimming in his eyes.

"Benny?" Bug said softly. They scoot over pointedly and his shoulders slumped as he crawled into bed with them. They take the moment to reach up and curl their fingers in his hair as their other hand pressed gently against his back, grounding him. He sighed again and leaned into them, burying his face in their neck and wrapping an arm loosely around their waist.

"I'm sorry, pussycat," he whispered. "It's just so frustrating not being able to do anything about it." Bug frowned thoughtfully, watching as Benny closed his eyes and took deep breaths to calm himself down. It really was odd, seeing him quite so disheartened; and over them besides.

"Is..." they swallowed. "Um, I mean..." Their voice faltered and they glanced down to find Benny gazing up at them with attentive eyes. For some reason, asking struck them inexplicably as selfish— but they remember what he told them, about asking for things, and took a deep breath of their own in preparation. "Why, if– it's okay to ask, why are you this, um, upset?"

Benny's eyes widened just a little. He didn't answer right away, though, just scooted up so he could gently press his forehead to theirs, closing his eyes. Bug smiled a little and let their lips touch briefly. When they pulled away again, he seemed calmer after.

"Because it's you," he said simply. "It's got me all fouled-up because it's you, honeybun. Nobody deserves that rotten treatment, but you especially, kitten, you—" Benny cut himself off, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. "You're the sweetest person I've ever met, lovebug, and– you, especially you, deserve to be treated better than that." There was another long moment where Benny seemed to struggle to find the words he needed, but eventually, his expression softened marginally and he brought one of his hands to cup Bug's cheek. "It just breaks my heart is all, sugarplum. To think those jag-offs would treat you like that."

Bug's smile turned tender and they tilted their head, weakly nuzzling their nose into Benny's palm. "S'okay," they said quietly. "You don't have to worry. I'm with you now, bunny."

He gave a huff at that, slumping over on his back (though keeping his hand they were cuddling firmly in place). "I'll worry over you either way, honey-baby. You know that."

Bug felt a swell of affection for him, the man they were protective over in turn, and with a little burst of playfulness, reached up to delicately run their fingers through his deeply black hair. Benny shivered under their ministrations, making a small noise of contentment, but it was hard to focus on his happiness when Bug could tell there was something still eating at him. "I wish you'd stop calling me that, kitten. You're gonna make me blush with all that bunny funny-business."

They laughed then, pressing their thumb against Benny's lip, where he still kept his languid smirk in place. "No way, honeybunny," they purred, grinning when Benny's mouth fell open. A beat later, they pressed another kiss to his jaw. "It suits you just fine. Though I've always seen you as more of a ferret if anything..."

He huffed indignantly, though just slightly turning away didn't hide his pleased flush. "Well maybe I just prefer kittycats in my life, lovebug." He waggled his eyebrows, making Bug snicker into his hand. After a moment, he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. "'M sorry, baby," he said. Bug felt their smile dim. "Just... can't shake these feelings, you know? I feel so useless, and I wanna help ya, but there ain't nothing I can do."

Bug squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Hey, listen. You're more than helping me all the time, just by being here, you know that."

"Yeah..." Benny murmered. Sitting up a bit, he said, "Hey, so feel free to slap me if—"

"Will do."

"I wasn't done, you little minx. But tell me if this is or ain't overstepping, dig?" Benny licked his lips in a manner Bug found distracting, though they made sure to focus on his words. "But, say... I mean, if ya want, and you think it'll help, we could always get you a ring a ding bling of a new cane." Bug blinked at him for a few seconds. Benny's gaze grew uncertain— a weird expression on him— and he tried to cover it up by rubbing Bug's thigh distractingly. "No biggie either way, buggie, just wanted to let you know the offer's always on the table, capiche?"

Bug decided to forego his hand in favor of leaning over to snuggle into his collarbone. "What is this, a business deal?" They teased, feeling the warmth of his smile against their temple. "I don't — I wouldn't mind, exactly, it's just, um..." They trailed off, unsure of how to articulate the situation.

"Just what?" Benny pressed, his lips brushing lightly against their hairline.

"...I don't want to be a hassle. Or something stupid like that," Bug admitted, glancing up sheepishly.

"Oh, hey now." Benny held them tightly, kissing the top of their head. "If you're worried about anything, pussycat, I'm always there for you. That includes stuff like this, got it?" Bug nodded slowly, taking comfort in the embrace.

"Okay. So... if I wanted a new cane, what, um, kind should I get? I don't even know where I'd start looking for one."

"That's easy." Benny smiled, his thumb brushing over Bug's cheek fondly. "Anything. I've got sources, kitten, we can get one made easy-easy, hey? One that looks good with ya."

A smile crept onto Bug's face. "You want to pick out the color."

Benny, in an unfair move, instantly turned the puppy eyes onto them. "Please, pudding! Come on, you know I'll pick out somethin' platinum!"

"You want us to match." It wasn't a question. There was absolutely no question about it, and instead of looking the least bit ashamed Benny adopted a wide smile.

"You know it, baby! Just think about it— you'd look so good in my style, the whole Strip would see! Hey, all of Vegas for that matter!"

Bug laughed lightly and shoved his shoulder with a grin. "Maybe they'd match a little, but it's not totally the same! You'd be wearing your suit, for one thing."

"Well, duh, baby! Wouldn't want anyone else to be wearing my suit, would we?" Benny asked, his smirk becoming sly as he slid one hand to ghost their waist teasingly.

Bug rolled their eyes and slapped his hand away. "Hush. That was one time and just the jacket. And... we'd look nice together like that, I guess. I dunno."

"Aww.. You really think so, huh?" Benny cooed in mock sweetness as Bug groaned. "You gotta trust me on this one, lovebug! We're gonna make a gorgeous pair!"

Bug chuckled, shaking their head. "Alright. Let's do it. Anything else I'd need to know about getting a cane? Um, where I'm from, you don't tend to need to have them made."

Benny raised his eyebrows, considering. "Do you want a real classic one?" He tapped rhythmically against their back as he thought, and after a moment, continued, "The fancy kind with a handle or whatever, maybe a little silver trimming?"

"I think I can make do with anything as long as it's the right size," Bug said. "And the handle should be soft too, since I'd be, um, you know, using it a lot." Benny nodded, and Bug leaned forward to nuzzle at his neck. "Thank you, bunny, really. It means a lot to me."

"Aw, you're such a sweetheart, lovebug, you know that?" he mumbled, shifting to hug Bug closer and rubbing his cheek against the top of their head. Bug closed their eyes at the sensation. "Any way I can help you out is one this cat'll be happy to do, honeypie." Bug couldn't stop smiling, even with everything that was going on out in the desert. Benny was warm and solid and comfortable, and for once they were perfectly content to lay like this and bask in his embrace, feeling less anxious than they could ever remember. It was a long moment before Benny spoke again. "So, is that a 'yes' on the checkers, pussycat?"

"Oh, shut up! ...Yes, it's a 'yes' on the checkers."

•

It's another week before it actually comes in. Benny had ordered it two days after that night (they'd told Yes Man about what had Benny all frazzled the morning after, and then they both ganged up on Bug to force them into relaxing and cuddling for the remaining day), and now it was here. In all it's smooth, silver-lined, black and white glory.

"So?" Benny said excitedly next to them on the couch. "What do you think, baby? Beautiful, ain't it?"

"It's okay," Bug said, the corners of their mouth twitching upwards. "I guess it's not that bad..."

Benny scoffed, sitting up a little straighter. "Of course it looks good! Next to you, pussycat, this thing looks downright ring-a-ding-ding!"

Bug shook their head fondly, unable to stop their smile. They picked up the cane from the nondescript box it had arrived in, leaning on Yes Man as they pulled the wristband snugly to their hand.

"Aw, bugaboo, don't be like that! Hey," the Securitron said with the air of a sly grin, "When we rule Vegas I can walk out there with a checkerboard on each arm, hmm?" His tone took on that teasing tone they recognized from when he had playfully suggested getting married earlier in the month. Bug huffed and shoved his metal arm lightly. "Whatever! You're perfect for eachother, both of you jerks."

Benny laughed heartily before leaning close. "You're cute when you blush, kitty," He whispered in their ear, pressing a kiss to the spot just below it.

Bug rolled their eyes, trying their best to ignore the flush spreading across their face. "Stop." They elbowed him in the side, eliciting another laugh.

"Alright, alright, I get it," Benny said through his amusement. He grabbed hold of Bug's free hand and tugged them to their feet, though Yes Man still towered easily over them on Bug's other side. The cane was the right height already — the three of them had swapped ideas and eventually chose to go with something a little more special in exchange for less adjustability. It also affected the weight, of course, but it was so slight as to be barely noticeable. Bug's hand coaxed along the handle's soft material — not the foam they were used to, but soft nonetheless — before finding what they were looking for. The trigger was noticeable enough to not be pressed accidentally, yet hidden enough to be— well, hidden. The handle ended in a barely-seen groove, and they knew with a purposeful twist it would be removed with ease.

It wouldn't be the strongest by any means, but a cane that doubled as a gun, not to mention the small dagger the handle hid, would be invaluable and immensely stylish.

Benny's hands came around to rest comfortably on either side of Bug's waist, and he gently squeezed their sides affectionately. "Lookin' good, toots!" He complimented, his voice smooth. Bug blushed, turning to place a chaste kiss to his jaw.

"It's still technically an accessory, Benny. Unlike you, I have to think about matching this thing with an outfit."

"Don't be silly, buggie," Yes Man said, placing a claw sweetly against their cheek. "You and the Ben-Man—"

"I can't believe you encourage that nickname."

"—As I was saying, you and the Ben-Man gotcha mostly neutral colors, right? Brown, cowboy-y stuff?" His claw waved to emphasize his words. "That'll look great with this, lovebug, you know that! And you're so cute already, don't you think that's just so unfair?" The claw on their cheek tapped against them teasingly, and Bug could feel Benny huffing a quiet laugh from where he was clinging onto them. "I could just eat you up, couldn't I?"

"You can't even eat anything at all!" Bug flushed, reaching up to give the claw a light swat, which it promptly ignored in favor of cupping their face. "And not if I ate you first!"

"Aw, you two are adorable!" Benny coo'd, wrapping both arms more firmly around them and giving a light kiss to the nape of their neck. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who can turn you all mushy, pussycat."

"Yeah…" Bug sighed contentedly, resting their head against Benny's shoulder for a moment. "Me too." There was a moment of pause before they spoke again as they weighed the pros and cons of something — it was only early evening, but... "Um, do we have to show this off right now? I just..."

Benny and Yes Man shared a significant look. "Sure, sugarplum, we can stay right here," Benny said softly. "Not in the mood to leave the big guy hangin' around by his lonesome anyways. Why don't we lie down and relax, hey?"

"Mmkay," Bug sighed, letting Benny disentangle from them and Yes Man scoop them up without a word. "Don't know why, I'm just— exhausted, all of a sudden..." they yawned.

"You've had a rotten few days emotionally, baby," Benny said. "We ought to destress a little more, dig? Do somethin' else this evening. Something easy."

"Something that generally requires cozying up?" Yes Man added with a sly sort of cheer. Benny laughed, reaching a hand over to ruffle Bug's hair gently.

"Yeah. Somethin' like that."

[lady-charinette]

Innocent Questions - Spy x Family fic

Can't believe all it took to write this was Twilight choking on a cigarette and I'm running to my computer. Damn. XD

Set during Ep. 12, a sort of add on to what could've also happened in the episode for funsies. I wish we had a bit more bonding moments between Yor and Loid, but there's still fanfiction! :3

Hope you enjoy!

The spy eyed the half-finished cigarette in the other man’s hand. “You quit smoking?” the spy arched an eyebrow under his hat, gaze zeroing in on the unfinished cigarette falling into the trash bin.

Twilight coughed as if on cue, clearing his throat. “Well, I have a child now.”

Those words seemed odd, especially coming from one of the greatest spies of their generation. Was this an advanced spy technique he hadn’t heard about?

Perhaps Handler would know about this technique?

“Hm, I see.” He watched Twilight disappear in the sea of people, blending perfectly well into the crowd despite his imposing presence.

Well, he had his own missions to report to WISE, better to get moving.

Once he had reached headquarters, the situation with Twilight wouldn’t leave the spy’s mind. “Hey, Handler.”

Sylvia hummed in acknowledgement, her gaze not leaving the map of the knock locations of Ostania’s corrupt politicians.

“Did…have you heard of an advanced technique about changing your habits to blend in with your cover story?”

“Of course, those are the basics of any covert operation.”

“Even quitting smoking?”

Handler looked up from the map to look at the agent. “…That would require quite the dedication.” She seemed to consider the thoughts formulating in her mind, finally giving them a voice in the form of a question. “Any particular reason you ask, agent?”

The agent jumped, suddenly feeling all too nervous under Handler’s strict gaze. “N-No reason!” he immediately went back to work.

Sylvia frowned. ‘Seems like this agent recently encountered someone so dedicated to their work. Wasn’t Twilight the last person this spy met for debrief?’ she made a mental run up of the list of spies deployed that morning, Twilight’s and this agent’s names being on that list. ‘Hm, indeed, it takes a very dedicated spy.’

“Loid?” at Yor’s call, Loid glanced up from his book. “Have you ever smoked before?”

The question caught Loid off guard, especially considering today’s events with the other agent, but he kept a cool façade when answering. “I used to. Why?”

Yor peeled and cut apples for two bowls, one for Anya and one for her and Loid to share. “Hmm, my co-workers smoke a lot, I was just curious.”

Loid set his book aside, his attention now fully on Yor as he got up to stand before the kitchen counter. “You never smoked before Yor?”

He smiled when he realized she cut the apple slices into bunny shapes for them as well not just for Anya. ‘Cute.’ thought Twilight in passing.

“I tried it once when I was still a teenager, but never continued because of Yuri. And it didn’t really suit my tastes.” She smiled in embarrassment, taking another apple to cut. “I remember I used to be ridiculed for not smoking or holding my liquor well, but that didn’t really bother me. I was always so worried what would happen to Yuri if I suddenly died due to smoking too much or excessive drinking.” Yor giggled, as if something in that statement was considered to be funny. ‘Not that I couldn’t have died every day while I was still a rookie assassin…’

Loid’s eye twitched. “Right…” he glanced at Anya’s penguin plushie situated on the couch, wearing his black sunglasses Anya stole from his jacket pocket when Loid wasn’t watching. ‘Penguinman’ she had called the plushie. “I stopped once Anya was born…not that I had smoked much before, it was more so societal customs on my part, not because I truly enjoyed it either.”

Yor nodded, listening attentively when she finished cutting the apples. “I see.” Another thought suddenly popped into her mind. “Loid, have you ever forgotten your house keys before?”

Loid blinked, truly caught off guard by the innocent question and he chuckled. “What’s with all the questions today, Yor?” his expression spoke of amusement when he rested his chin on his palm to watch Yor wash the knife and cutting board.

She chuckled as well. “Well, I just noticed I haven’t really asked you anything since entering into this agreement. A wife ought to know her husband well, right?”

Her question and curiosity were well founded and justified, so why did Twilight’s heart pick up speed and his ears burn hot?

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “Mhmm..you’re right. And I did, a few times when I was younger. Franky likes to remind me of that often.” He grabbed an apple slice and popped it into his mouth, chewing before posing a question. “Has Yuri ever pranked you when you were young?”

Loid listened with interest while Yor recounted memories of her childhood, embarrassing moments where Yor fell prey to Yuri’s mischievous shenanigans, but which all sounded adorable in Twilight’s mind.

It was when Anya joined the fray and they all ate the apple slices in the living room that things started getting interesting. “Mama, have you ever killed someone?”

“Anya, we don’t ask these questions.”

Ao3

[strawberriebunn]

BUNN. HELP. ELABORATE ON THIS. I NEED UR THOTS <3

OIKAWA buying you a bunny suit and making you wear it before he leaves for argentina. pretty lace white panties and a little fluffy cotton ball attached to a plug. looking absolutely adorable with the matching bunny ears and fluffed white laced bra as well. he couldn’t help but want you to wear a pink bow to go with it. you’re very shy about wearing it but he doesn’t care, he’s gonna rip it off you anyway when he corrupts his little bunny.

“Bunny”

lol i went wild with this!! sniff sniff when is it my turn :((

sora planted this seed in my brain oml y’all know im weak 😭🤚🏾

contains: bunny outfit, fucking while standing (reverse full nelson?), breeding?, idk, nicknames

He'd bought it on a whim. He was planning on asking you as a joke, one last big thing before he left for Argentina the next week, he wasn't expecting anything other than a "You're so funny Tooru!" or an "In your dreams, pretty boy." 

So you can only imagine how his brain short-circuited and he immediately popped a boner right then and there, gawking at you when you said yes and reached for the box it came in.

It was a simple bunny outfit, a cute white one-piece with a hole placed right over your butt that came with ears, wrist cuffs, and an adorable pink bow tie, the plus was that it came with n adorable plug that had a bunny tail at the end, meant to go through the hole over your ass, further completing your look. The best part? He had gotten himself an outfit as well to further play out his fantasy, a male version, one typically used when serving food.

He was sweating bullets and hard as a rock before you even stepped out, his mind racing a mile a minute at what you'd look like when you came out. His eyes almost bugged out of his head, when you called his name, effectively stopping all his train of thought. You were fixing one of the cuffs, so you couldn't see the look on his face, his pupils expanding and jaw dropped.

"...pretty."

You had looked up at him in curiosity," Hmm?"

But he was already starting towards you, the little scenario he was thinking about fickling out and down the drain of his mind, how can he think of anything else but you right now?

He's snaking his arms around you, heading straight for the tail nestled snugly in the hole. He strokes it almost as if he's in a trance, and right when you're about to ask him what he's doing he's wrapping a hand around the tail and giving it a good yank. You won't be needing that. Yelping, you arch your back, face going into his chest, wrinkling the dress shirt he had on, as you both hear the audible pop when the tail leaves you.

You start to ask him what about the little scenario he wanted, but you can't even get that out before he's hoisting you up in his arms, and all but chucking you onto the bed. Leaving hot kisses all along your collarbone, trailing up your neck to your lips, which started as a sweet kiss and ended in a steamy, mess of tongue. All the while his hands are rubbing up and down your body, caressing every part like he was trying to imprint his hand to your body. He was trying his damnest not to rip the suit, he swears he was, he wanted to save it for later use, but he'd be damned if he didn't get to you right this second.

You can barely comprehend the ripping sound you hear, the only thing on your mind being nothing but Tooru, soon feeling his fingers slide over your clit, pressing down only the slightest bit. Circling his fingertip with his skilled fingers, he's still mouthing at your neck when his mind finally clears enough for him to start talking.

"Look so good, just couldn't help myself. You gonna let me have fun, yeah? gonna give you something to remember me with when I leave, gonna give you so much of my cum you'll feel it for weeks." He tells you as he begins unbuttoning his slacks.

You're practically mewling at this point, fisting the sheets around your head, before you feel yourself being lifted into Tooru's arms, wrapping your arms around his neck while he lifts your legs placing them in the crease of his elbow. Still, in a daze, you don't even get a whine out before he's lifting you up, lining his cock up with your hole, you're both looking down at it when he asks you

" You gonna be my good girl? My good, pretty girl?" Nodding, you babble out a quick yes before he's dropping you onto him, not even bothering to stifle the moan he lets out, grinning when he hears your scream.

You've never felt him this deep before, it's almost as if he was in your stomach, you're trembling when he lifts you again only to drop you like before. Then he's fucking up into you with fevor, hands for sure leaving a bruise on you, for everyone to know that you're spoken for. Everyone to know that you're his and will always be.

You're a mess. Your mouth hasn't closed since you took your last breath and that felt like ages ago even if it was merely seconds. You've got tears streaming down your face from how good he's rutting into you, nailing that spongy soft spot head-on religiously. It isn't long before,

"T-tooru, Tooru! 'm cumming, 'm cumming, s-slow down-" you try to babble out, hoping he can hear you in his craze.

Not happening he thinks, and if anything that has him increasing his pace tenfold. The ears once attached to your hair have made their way down in crooked paths. You're cumming before you realize it, legs tensing and the breath leaving your lungs. He's holding you impossibly close to him, relishing in the way your cute cunt suckles him, "as if she wants me deeper." he tells you, chuckling when it makes you clench even harder.

Panting on his shoulder, you're taken by surprise when he starts again, this time like he's trying to mold your pussy to the shape of his cock.

" Hope you didn't think that was all I had bunny. Can you give me another? Looked so pretty creaming on my cock like that, wanna imprint it in my mind for my trip." he tells you.

Which is how you found yourself mindlessly bouncing on his cock while he fucks you standing, fucked out of your mind. He's nearing his orgasm, you can tell by the way he's babbling above you, babbles of how much he loves you and how pretty you look for him. He shifts to release some tension on his thigh and you're screaming, his cock shifting angles and hitting a spot he'd never hit before. Hitting that spot a few more times has a different knot building in your tummy, something that felt better. You try to warn him, but it's too late, with a cry of his name you're squirting all over his stomach, it running down his thighs.

That must have been what he needed cause he's filling you up in the next second, letting out a guttural moan into your shoulder. Both of you panting, you try to lean back onto him when he's stealing your lips in a heated kiss.

You didn't get a lot of sleep that night, he quite literally fucked you out of your outfit. You don't even remember him pulling out of you, just him eventually moving you to the bed so he could "fuck you for real.". You woke up, with Tooru's arms wrapped around you, he was naked now you guessed he'd stripped at one point during the night.

His arms wrapped around you, and his cum leaking down your legs.

[its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons]

kissin' and comfort with mammon

Mammon had an inkling you were inexperienced from the moment he kissed you the first time.

He could vividly recall your first kiss, remembering you had been a bit hesitant, yet followed his lead and everything turned out okay, but now that he was trying to make out with you, you seemed to get tenser and tenser as the seconds passed.

He pulled away for a moment, resting a warm hand on your cheek so you were forced to meet his gaze.

"Is this yer first time makin' out with someone?" He asked bluntly, yet softly. He wanted to preserve your feelings, though he already knew the answer.

You bit your lip and looked away, "Was it that obvious?"

"It's not a bad thing, sweet cheeks, yer doin' fine but yer jus' so tense. Are ya okay with this? 'M not gonna force anythin' on ya that ya don't like. Ya hafta speak up when ya get uncomfy."

He sounded a bit guilty...

"I'm fine Mammoney, I just... I've never done this before, not even in the human world a-and I don't know, I never expected to get this far with someone as perfect as you!"

Your lip trembled and you refused to meet his oceanic stare.

"No no no baby, shit..."

When you began to cry, the Avatar of Greed sat up and pulled you into his lap for a bear hug, assuring you softly and stroking your hair as he waited for you to be ready to listen to him.

"I'm the Avatar of Greed, babygirl. The Great Mammon! Jus' knowing ya settled for my scummy ass is more than I deserve, alright? Just cuz yer a little shaky in the kissin' business doesn't mean I'll love ya any less. It means I get ta teach my precious bunny everythin' she needs to know though." He smirked and pressed a sweet kiss to your temple, "I'm not perfect. My brothers remind me every day. But havin' you here with me jus' makes everythin' better, and yenno what? I wouldn't trade that for all the grimm in the Devildom."

You had to smile through happy tears before burying your face in his chest to return his hug.

Mammon lay you down on your back once more and asked, "Do ya wanna try again?"

You nod, and Mammon was pleased to see the smile back on your features.

"M'kay. You want me to help ya?" the demon asked, thumbing away stray tears that still lingered on your cheeks.

"Mhm."

"Kay, close yer eyes, bunny."

You did as you were told and shut your eyes.

''Now, open yer mouth a bit... there ya go. Relax, yer okay, I'm right here..."

You felt his warm breath on your lips before his soft lips pressed against your own, gently nibbling at the plush flesh.

He pulled away and you opened your eyes.

"Ya see what I did there? It's just gentle little nips until yer comfy enough to use some tongue, got it?"

"Y-Yeah."

You let your eyes flutter shut when Mammon's did and soon you were kissing him back, replicating the way he'd nursed on your lips a few moments ago.

"Good job sweetie, yer doin' jus' fine. Relax." He whispered between kisses, giggling softly when your noses bumped.

He pulled away to give you a chance to breathe, then dove right back in, using his tongue to explore your lips little by little.

You gingerly followed suit, not wanting to use too much and mess everything up.

Mammon noticed that you were getting tense again and pulled away, rubbing your arms and nuzzling you with his nose to help you calm down a bit.

"D-Did I do it wrong?" You asked, dreading his response, "Just tell me if I'm doing bad!"

"No bunny, ya were doing great! Ya got the hang of it now, but ya gotta relax some more. It's not gonna get easier when ya keep overthinkin' it." He pressed his forehead against your own.

"Oh... okay." You sigh, tugging on the hem of his t-shirt absent-mindedly.

"Damn bunny, ya want the shirt off?" He smirked, "And I thought I was movin' too fast."

You went beet red at the realization and apologized profusely, but Mammon just peppered your burning face with kisses of reassurance and rolled you over on your sides in a tangle of limbs.

He held you close to his chest, the feeling of you cuddling up against him made his heart feel full.

But when your whispered conversations and giggles became sleepy nuzzles and gentle squeezes, Mammon knew he'd found someone who was more than just perfect.

How did he know?

It's hard to say. It had been forever since someone had loved him this much and expected nothing in return. The complete opposite of him.

At least there was some virtue in the words of a cartoon cat.

--

the last sentence was a haha funny joke from the Netflix series 'Lucifer' so if you haven't seen it, GO WATCH IT!!

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