#the breakdown genuinely fascinates me because like.

[fellhellion]

The way Miles accidentally hits what seems to be - given the severity of Miguel’s reaction - such a huge fucking bruise with the “Are those claws? Dude, are you sure you’re spiderman?” and it’s this trigger for Miguel just fucking. Exploding with everything he’s kept under lock and key like. Resentment over the way he seems to feel deeply isolated in the emotional burden of what he does, blaming Miles for what he believes was the catalyst which led to him being in this position (RIPeter’s death), hitting back (verbally) to hurt with the anomaly comments when it’s like dude. If they keep your origin intact, you’re both the so similar, and because this kid is living proof of every doubt you’re trying to suppress.

[umbrellacam]

I feel like whether Tim is on some level suicidal in RR #12 is very open to interpretation, which is part of what makes it fascinating!

because Tim's homecoming to Gotham is the culmination of an upward/self-actualization arc, after struggling through multiple low points/depression/an extended breakdown.

he finally got proof Bruce is alive. managed to claw Tam and himself out of the Cradle and away from the Council of Spiders/LoA by the skin of their teeth. thumbed his nose at Ra's and reaffirmed his own principles by blowing up all the LoA servers. finally kind of processed that Kon and Bart are both alive again - he just tackle-hugged Kon in RR #9 and told him, "when you found me in Paris, I was in a bad place. Now... Now I'm in a good place." he's full of renewed purpose and the realization that he doesn't, in fact, have to do things alone! (team-up Robin ftw!)

so probably not actively suicidal

but then in all of his frantic calculations to thwart Ra's and save each and every person Bruce loved - he doesn't factor himself in. he doesn't put himself on that list of loved ones and set up a contingency for preserving his own life (wtf Tim).

or does he??? that's where the ambiguity comes in for me, because we don't actually see him discussing the full details of his plan with anyone. and he doesn't mention it in his internal narration, either! because his internal narration is always super reliable..... hmmm.....

we know that Dick isn't aware of any other contingencies, or indeed the full details of the plot they were thwarting - after catching Tim, Dick has to ask him, "You want to tell me what that was all about?" and of course "How did you know I'd be there to save you?"

and as I've mentioned before, I don't think Tim had actually planned for Dick to save him, so his "You're my brother, Dick. You'll always be there for me," response is uh, both loving BS and a "genuinely felt expression of retroactive faith", as Silver put it (and which has been stuck in my mind in glowing cursive letters ever since, lol).

but. we do know that as part of his plan to thwart Ra's ninja-assassinate-Bruce's-loved-ones plot, Tim calls all three of his best friends into Gotham. (among all his other rallied allies.) his best friends who are various combinations of flight and/or superspeed capable. and who had each just smugly patched in via comm to confirm that their protection jobs were all successful, meaning Tim knew they were available if he potentially needed them.

the fact that the rest of the Core Four then twiddle their thumbs and let Tim keep fighting Ra's on his own after confirming Alfred/Selina/Barbara are safe, instead of zipping over to have his back (ie punch the jackass through a wall) almost has to be because of: (a) Tim's plan to deliberately stall so Lucius could file the WE paperwork (on the Watsonian level), (b) Yost allowing Tim to have his Final Showdown with the villain of the arc on his own, and also (c) Yost setting up the emotional climax/reconciliation of Dick catching Tim (both on the Doylist level).

like, Tim stalls Ra's for long enough that Dick is able to glide and grapple his way over from his own ninja-busting detail, we don't think the speedster or the Superboy could have gotten there in time?

Dick is the one who caught Tim because it was thematic, it's a motif in their relationship and the resolution of their 12-issue arc, and don't get me wrong I wouldn't change that moment for anything - but! he wasn't the only one around who could have done so.

and Iiiiii have to suspect Tim would know that? there's ambiguity and room for interpretation, of course, especially since Tim doesn't say anything at all or call out to anyone as he's actually falling.

but also. Kryptonian superhearing? Tim's comm which could very well still be connected? could he have been relying on allies listening/clue-ing in, whether or not he actually explicitly sketched out a back-up plan with anyone to come back him up, after Lucius was done transferring WE? all according to (dumbass improvised) keikaku??

idk! seems plausible to me, but it's all so open to interpretation, it makes my brain go BRRRRRR 😊 like you can make a compelling case/headcanon/fic any way you look at it!

anyway. Dick catching Tim is very much The Moment Ever Of All Time <3 but also the thought of Kon just hovering at the ready to grab Rob but spotting Dick!Bats swooping in and being like ":))) oh ok. they both need this." is v. hilarious to me

[sky-fire-forever]

A character dynamic in Our Flag Means Death that I love that I don't see many people talk about is Izzy and Fang.

Fang is comfortable enough to insult Izzy and talk shit about him. You might think "Oh, Dennis, isn't that a bad thing? Doesn't that mean Fang dislikes Izzy?" But I genuinely don't think so

Fang is AFRAID of Ed. Even before the Kraken, Fang thinks Blackbeard is gonna see him messing around and he's genuinely scared, calling him "the boss". But when he learns it's Izzy who is coming, he immediately relaxes. He's not afraid of Izzy at all. He's comfortable enough to call him "Izzy the Spewer" and tell the embarrassing story that goes with it without fearing that Izzy will kill or harm him

Now, do I think Izzy and Fang are particularly CLOSE? Not really. I don't think Izzy is really close with anyone besides Ed. He's the First Mate, always below the captain and above the crew in a category of his own. I don't think he and Fang can really be described as friends at all.

But Fang does care about Izzy to some degree. He cries when Izzy is shot. He comforts Izzy during his breakdown, holding him and reassuring him. Izzy is his annoying boss, but he's still a person to him, especially when Fang starts seeing the cracks in his armor

And I find it so interesting that Izzy encourages Fang (and Ivan), watching them be a bit theatrical with their hostages and even smiling about it. They work well together.

When Izzy does snap and grab Fang's beard and be a dick, Ivan suggests that Fang tell him he doesn't like it. Which actually is fascinating to me because he feels comfortable enough to suggest talking to Izzy about their treatment. And Izzy doesn't actually do it again

I think Fang and Izzy becoming genuine friends would be so interesting to see. Fang cares so much about people and Izzy's such a little asshole that I think their relationship would be interesting.

[sufferu]

Hey never read re zero I don't plan to for some time but I've seen a lot anime and light novel spoilers but why do you think Subaru has more chemistry with Julius than Emilia and rem

Okay first of all, obligatory shilling time: Re:Zero is amazing and I love it and you should absolutely give it a chance when you’ve got some time. Please.

And uh. I’m admittedly not sure how to put this for someone who’s never watched/read Re:Zero, but I’ll try!

At this point in the story, Subaru and Emilia are…very much a slow burn couple, and it’s mainly just Subaru having a huge ass crush on Emilia while Emilia tries to figure out what Subaru means to her. And it’s sweet and wholesome, but currently it’s reached a point where Subaru is doing all the work on a number of different levels — not just regarding his romantic feelings towards Emilia — to the point where it feels rather unbalanced sometimes. I’m holding onto hope that this is intentional and going to be the focus of some development for Emilia sometime soon, but it is what it is for now. But beyond that, it’s really just a matter of Subaru liking Emilia and Emilia wondering if she should return his feelings, and that’s FINE, but it’s not hugely compelling to me. (Also frankly I’m of the opinion that Emilia deciding that her feelings towards Subaru are actually platonic and that she values him more as a platonic soulmate than a romantic partner could genuinely be S Tier storytelling, so.)

Subaru and Rem, meanwhile… Okay, so, I kinda oversimplified things a bit, because those two DO have chemistry. Quite a bit, actually. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that they have one of the most layered, complex relationships in the entire series. But the thing is, it also happens to be INSANELY toxic, with both of them enabling the other person’s worst behaviors and basically leaning on the other in this incredibly interesting codependency that literally only gets shaken by one of them getting erased from existence. (Also Rem is unique in that she is the sole character who is not Subaru who has been directly responsible for an IF Route: one of the possible Bad Ends that the series can go down if the wrong choice is made at a pivotal moment. In almost all of them, Subaru is the one making that choice — except for Sloth:IF, in which the choice is between whether Rem agrees to run away to Kararagi with him or refuses and coaxes him back to his feet during his mental breakdown, thus losing her chance to have him all to herself.) it’s a really complicated dynamic that’s difficult to summarize in one paragraph (I didn’t even bring up how Rem literally tortured him for several hours in a previous loop, to the point where he references still having nightmares about it a full year after the fact) but I hope I’ve given SOME idea for how fascinating it is. Regardless of how interesting it is though, it’s not exactly Final Couple material: everything is pointing to the two of them learning to stand apart from one another on their own two feet.

Julius, meanwhile — there’s a lot here, really, and most of it is pretty woven into the story (which you have not read) but I’ll try and give a couple reasons lol.

First of all, Julius is unique in that he is the only character to actually remember doing something traumatizing to Subaru. He’s not unique in traumatizing Subaru — this man has been murdered, tortured, beaten to a pulp, humiliated, and so much else by like half the cast at this point — but Subaru normally dies and resets to sometime before that happens, and so Julius is the only one who actually did something that Subaru was hurt by and remembers doing it. This, ironically, gives the two of them a foundation for their dynamic that is arguably healthier than the ones Subaru has with most of his friends — especially because Julius has proven time and again that he is a safe person for Subaru to be angry with, because he’s actually been really understanding and tolerant about Subaru lashing out at him over it sometimes without being the kind of overly-apologetic that would guilt Subaru into being quiet. As such, Julius is the One Person who has done something horrible to Subaru that Subaru has allowed himself to feel angry and resentful towards, which is noteworthy because a lot of other traumas have been explicitly recolored as “good memories” as one of his coping mechanisms.

Beyond that: Subaru references his attraction to Julius so many times it’s practically a running gag. He waxes poetic about his long legs, graceful eyelashes, vexing voice, supple hips, and the “strange sensation” that his image inspires within him. I’d say I’m reading into it but I genuinely don’t think I am, because it happens SO MUCH, and (with a couple exceptions, like the guy he went on a two page “there’s another reason I’m on my knees right now” rant for) it’s ALWAYS JULIUS. Hell, even other characters like Emilia reference it sometimes, with Subaru responding by saying that they’re definitely not friends, but “something infinitely more annoying.”

And like — they’re just fun? Their dynamic is fun. They’ve got this playful banter going on every time they meet, they obviously respect each other on a serious level beneath that layer of mutual sass, Julius has this sense of being able to be his real self around Subaru in a way that he doesn’t feel he can with anyone else while Subaru has that aforementioned foundation of “I can finally actually be angry about something that traumatized me for once,” and it’s just — shockingly equal and healthy and wholesome. It’s nice. (I fully expect these two to have some plausibly deniable “very close” relationship by the end of the story that could be read in a number of different ways lol)

[bengiyo]

We Must All Get Louder and Gayer About La Pluie Immediately

I understand that this show only airs on iQIYI and that most of us canceled that after KinnPorsche and/or Love in the Air, but I’m gonna need y’all to re-up those subscriptions and get on this train right now. This and Step By Step have been some of the most intriguing romance explorations we’ve had in the realm of Thai BL in a long time, and you are missing out on this incredibly breakdown of the soulmate and fast romance tropes that I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve seen some consternation about whether this show is honoring or defying conventions within romance and BL, and I don’t think that’s the most enjoyable way to engage with a piece of media in a mature genre. I think it’s more useful to ask questions like:

How is this show using those conventions?

What do these conventions fit?

What new things have we learned about ourselves or the genre as a result?

We’ve been unpacking the soulmate idea from the very beginning (@lurkingshan). The show upended our expectations about that from the opening scenes by showing us a romantic man who doubts in his own romantic destiny because his parents divorced. The show has then gone on to state quite plainly that it believes that the hearing loss connection is entirely coincidental, and that what people do in their relationships with other people is what matters the most.

We are sitting in the audience, and so we know that this is a romance. We fully understand that Tai and Patts will more than likely be together at the end of this story. What that knowledge and expectation allows the show to poke at the development of relationships in dramas. The characters are in a slow burn romance, but everyone in their lives doesn’t think they should be! That’s been incredibly fascinating because we so often see BL characters rushed into a relationship with each other that we are always surprised when they aren’t (Bad Buddy, My School President, Bed Friend). It’s been incredibly enjoyable for me to see a romance refuse to rush their characters into commitment with each other.

My good friend @lurkingshan wrote about this subversion of tropes and expectations this morning as they pertain to Lomfon. She makes the point that we expected Lomfon to be a bigger factor going into episode 7 than he was, and that’s also I think part of the point. He’s not a threat to the core romance, but he does have a role to play in this story. For me, I think he’s here to reinforce that skepticism and doubt are critical to making any sort of relationship or belief system function. Your ability to handle new challenges and things that confuse you are critical to being able to maintain a commitment. It doesn’t work if it’s forced.

As for misunderstandings, this show also continues to be intentional about this. As far back as episode 4, Dream chided Patts for not making things clear with Nara. Patts listened but hoped that his non-answer would be enough for Nara. Likewise, Bow has warned Tai twice about Lomfon’s clear desire for him, and how by not making things clear Tai may also face difficulties.

This comes to a head this week with Nara. I agree with @ginnymoonbeam that Nara’s return lets the narrative blow up Tai’s uncertainties he’s left bubbling since the beginning. I personally love Nara’s reintroduction here because Tai is romantic and because he genuinely seemed to like Nara. He liked that she still knew how to take care of her ex. He liked the determination she showed to travel all the way to Chiang Mai to pursue him. He was rooting for her! Even if he misunderstands the kiss, it’s not really about the kiss. It’s about the fact that someone he admires cares for Patts, and he likely worries that he’s the reason they didn’t work out. He’s also still questioning if the mutual attraction between himself and Patts can be trusted.

Moving on to the intimacy, I wrote last week about the way this show has made it clear that these are two men interested in each other. Following up on that this week, we entered an incredible liminal space in their relationship. Patts signaled earlier in the episode when they first got to their room that he is hoping to pick up where they left off with their last intimate moment. Both went into this bed fully aware of the sexual tension between them.

Tai is the one who opens the door this time by first offering the massage and then initiating the kiss. Things heat up between them, with Tai again on top to remain in control of the situation, something @shouldiusemyname points out here. Tai once again asks Patts to stop when he moves to escalate the encounter, but Tai shows Patts that he is interested in him. He offers to help him out by performing the act that Patts was most certainly going to do last week. This is incredibly fascinating for me, because I have always asserted that bottoms are the ones in most control of an encounter. I do not read Tai choosing to take care of Patts as him giving up control in any way. In fact, it’s a way for him to further maintain it. He reassures Patts that he is happy to be here and lets them release the tension of the moment.

Also, I just absolutely lose it over the lip flick.

gif by @pharawee​

Once again, I cannot overstate how radical it is for me to see a show saying that the one performing the act is the one in control of the encounter, and has the character who’s feeling unsure use that as a way to explore their own feelings. Tai needed to know that he likes making Patts happy. Please list the other BLs that have done this with sex in the notes. It’s not very often we get this!

Also, look at this man. This is not the face of a man who is being coerced. This is the afterglow of two people navigating their intimate relationship (@ginnymoonbeam).

He’s literally rubbing his hand because as they spoon because he’s so relieved.

I also just absolutely love Patts. I love that he keeps leaving notes for Saengtai to make sure he knows where they are.

Look at him walking around the next morning. He seems pleased...like a man can seem pleased.

We just never get this kind of stuff in genre. This is a classic romance of the Nora Roberts variety that’s allowing us to show two men navigating their romance and intimacy on their terms while also showing that even fated mates must be good partners to each other. This is a story that loves romance and loves the conventions of the drama. It is approaching each thread with clear-eyed conviction, and we as queer viewers deserve this.

So, I’m going to need you all to get louder, weirder, and gayer about this show. We gotta get more people on this one. We can’t let this show be forgotten because it’s not on YouTube.

Once again, thank you for coming to my post.

tagging @wen-kexing-apologist​ and @kyr-kun-chan​ for all the conversation we’ve had about this show.

[moonshynecybin]

#he really does cut people out cold shoulder them with no discussion huh.... fascinating man......#invisible transgressions remembered forever at arms length#he is. i think. pathologically nonconfrontational. idk even with the sepang stuff.#like he doesnt look at marc AT ALL only performs to the press. same with argentina he sends uccio.... <- *eye* have a theory that vale on his factory settings is actually quite a desperate people-pleaser. not necessarily in a "i need others to approve of me" way (though that too) but in a "i need for others to cheer for me" (to try and explain what i mean better, he's not doing anything just to get the approval but he wants to feel approved/supported for whatever he's doing. different catalysts for action, same need). that's why he can play the crowd so well. and sepang - i think it was genuinely a protracted breakdown caused by vale realizing he's not superhuman anymore and his lead slipping and compounded by the anniversary of the worst loss he's suffered in his life

post about graziano here, jorge confrontation here

like the thing about vale is. well we dont personally know him. so outside of stuff people close to him tell us, we only see the side of him he wants to show the press, which is still him, just more of a performance, i think. its already been discussed AT LENGTHHH that he loves to do this sort of performance and is just. generally very good at being a celebrity. and i think its an extension of his PR deftness that when jorge comes at him he just laughs and looks at his audience. he ropes them into a private joke, like can you believe this guy? which jorge (who takes to confrontation like a duck to water) HATES so bad. its a very effective deflection tactic. fr the easiest way to seem like the bad guy is to treat an argument like it is worthy of your attention. so he meep-meep roadrunner court jesters his way through off track conflict for the majority of his career. and yes he makes enemies and they tell US that he is being cold and prickly and treating them differently. but crucially. he does not seem anything other than a Chill Dude in front of the cameras. until well. sepang lol.

so yes! i think he is invested in controlling these narratives and good at it to boot. but!!!! where it gets crazy is when you get to the personal arenas. like the people he loves that he is actually invested in. where his feelings are on the line fr.

like for other (professional) conflicts he gets over it!! but not with his dad and not with marc. and part of the marc stuff is the ego involved (theyre having a GOAT-off) and the professional stakes, as ive discussed. BUT. i think he doesnt get over these two because. well. because they really really hurt his feelings, i think. like he's said in the past that he's been able to get over the rivalries he has with other racers (like biaggi) bc they WERENT friends before so he didnt gaf when it got nasty. but. he still. REALLY cares with marc. (and of course with his parents divorce. like yeah that makes sense) so i actually think its very telling that he isnt over sepang. and that he didnt look at marc at all whenever they had their epic divorce moments (sepang press conference, postrace argentina 2018) rosquez would be less real if he could just move on lol. like it is a divorce to them both for REAL. so vale is going to handle it the same way he did with his parents and quietly cut marc out while making it. VERY clear. that marc is no longer one of the people that he holds within the select bubble that gets to see vale without all of his press trappings.

[jinxed-sinner]

Alastor Does Care About Charlie, Hazbin Hotel, and Its Residents, But Hates That He Does: Brought to You by My Interest In Subtle Characterization

One thing I don't think a lot of people bring up when it comes to discussion about Alastor is there are multiple times where it's implied he does care about Charlie, the hotel, and its residents, and he just hates that he does once he realizes it. Specifically, I don't see a lot of people mention Alastor's background appearances in More Than Anything towards the end of Dad Beat Dad (and his expressions during More Than Anything further support the idea that he was just fucking with Lucifer during Hell's Greatest Dad). Here's the first time he appears in More Than Anything:

Here's the second time:

(sorry for low-ish quality screenshots)

I genuinely think Alastor doesn't hate Lucifer, he just thinks it's funny to fuck with him, and part of the reason is because his expressions when he appears in the backgrounds of More Than Anything come off as somewhat affectionate to me.

Here's the thing. It's made pretty clear at the start of the season and in the pilot that Alastor doesn't believe in Charlie's cause and is only helping her for his own entertainment. However, in Dad Beat Dad, he tells Mimzy to leave unless she actually wants to give redemption a shot, something Mimzy shrugs off as a joke until Alastor says he's serious. In The Show Must Go On, he makes the same expression while watching Charlie, Husk, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious, Cherri, and Vaggie have a night of celebration before fighting the Exorcists that he does while watching Lucifer and Charlie in More Than Anything. He even refers to watching the redemption process as "a surprising thrill" which tells me he's no longer in the spot he was at the beginning where he was actively against Charlie's cause and just being a troll. He also admits to the possibility of getting accustomed to their company. He risks his life for the hotel, something I am willing to bet he would not have done even in episode 4 or maybe even episode 5.

I seriously think Alastor got genuinely attached to the hotel, Charlie, and the hotel's residents. He doesn't really start panicking or breaking down until he fully verbally acknowledges that if he'd died, he'd be recognized as someone who died for his friends. Until that point he's more angry than panicked (complete sidetrack but I'm wondering if the deal he was referring to was the deal he made with Charlie, since he referred to a deal and not a contract; he also refers to "pulling all the strings" which feels like it's referring to the hotel, about which he's made a deal with Charlie and Charlie has ordered him to help with, albeit only for as long as he desires to help). All of the screenshots I've seen of Alastor's mental breakdown / panic attack are after the "Great Alastor, altruist, died for his friends" line. That's not how he wants to be recognized so he panics.

Like it comes off more like he feels a genuine connection to the people at the hotel but hates himself for it. His intention was never to get attached but he ended up attached, and he hates himself for it.

Alastor is a genuinely fascinating character. As is his intention, the fact that he's always smiling keeps you guessing because it limits how expressive he is (that's not to say he isn't expressive, because he absolutely is). Will he eventually be an antagonist? Will he stay a protagonist? We have no idea and I think that's a huge part of why he's so appealing as a character. We don't really know much about him, but I genuinely feel like he cares about the hotel, its residents, and Charlie and once he realized it he absolutely hated it and it fueled his mental breakdown, and I'm excited to see where that goes.

[zoropookie]

Hi Zoro!!

Im relatively new/old to your account. I dont often chat online and lurk. I just wanted to send a message that I appreciate what a good writer you are and the effort you put into your work is amazing!

I love your SMAU Sweet Melody and just binged HHAB at 12am last night. The angst potential for both is so good I wonder how you come up with it! I love all the emotion and breakdown of characters that are fitting to each situation.

The plotline of Sweet Melody seems utterly unique and fascinating!! I really am interested as to where the story goes. Ive told my boyfriend about it because it makes me so invested.

HHAB had me on the edge of my seat and the portrayal of online controversy is truly as chaotic as in real life. Some of the characters dialogue is so smart. I love just how characters reactions are so realistic for how crazy of a situation finding out the hate acc is scara! And the fact that scara actually felt bad there! That humanised him really nicely :)

+++You add so many more images than any other SMAU and it shows a lot of effort and I don’t mind waiting just to get quality content.

Honestly there is so much to say but I hope this made your day a little better. I dont know what youre up to or how you feel outside of tumblr. but please keep my words in mind if its worth anything <3

Thank you for your work! I hope your life is great !!

🫶🤍💐 Kay

🥹🥹🥹 you have no idea how bad this made me sob, and this is the most pleasant thing i’ve read in a little bit. i really appreciate that you took the time to tell me this! when i feel like i’m slowly getting anxious with the chapters and how i work on them i often go to these to look at everyone’s experiences with what they felt reading it and it makes me feel so so much better. i genuinely hope that i don’t disappoint with future stuff this really meant a lot to me, please stay healthy and drink lots of water!!

[dirtbra1n]

AA4 SPOILERS/////

that quote you called krisnix is soooo fascinating to me bc, they really had dinner together most days, like that’s a level of commitment we didn’t even see from most of the ppl who phoenix considered important and that whole time on kristoph’s end it was to keep an eye on Phoenix and on phoenix’s end it curiosity bc kristoph voted against him losing his badge and also it was to find out the reason why he lost his badge and kristoph was just this name that kept popping up, and for Phoenix and kristoph it was so many red flags bc kristoph knew phoenix wasn’t the type to let something rest and Phoenix knew there was more to kristoph then at first glance but somewhere along the way it become genuine, but at the same time kristoph still kills shadi after a single convo with phoenix and phoenix still pressed record before even asking kristoph to be his lawyer, it’s Phoenix recording every single one of those convos with kristoph but still (probably) having him meet truck, but it’s kristoph keeping himself at arms length from Phoenix but Phoenix taking it bc he’s never been the type to give up on a person, whether it’s to their doom or his and for better or worse he wouldn’t want anyone else to really see him the way he currently is besides kristoph, now what the hell could that possibly mean?

(that quote I called krisnix)

anon you will never know the extent of the joy I felt seeing this initially and the extent of it I still feel now. but I’d like you to. Thank You For Biting. and for waiting a little over a month Sorry about that. I'm gonna ask you to forgive me if this doesn't make any sense or hold up to scrutiny. the demons have got hold of me and I'm making do

because I get to talk more about krisnix. Ha ha. pulled out all my silly little suppositions to review again I think I was waiting for an opportunity like this. like my hubris is getting me. I recklessly called that quote krisnix and now a little over a month later I'm completely sick about it.

I'm going to reiterate that I'm very sorry if this reads like shit, and I'll apologize just this once that this post got as long as it did. go fish

you ever think about how kristoph's a dog guy. guy who has a dog, guy who brought a photo of his dog into solitary confinement with him. also a caged blue bird which alive or not happened to contribute significantly to the krisnix breakdown of dec. 2023 There are really some very bright minds in krisnix pit. me and you included anon. that's a tangent. I'm sick. I'm drafting this in a terribly disorganized fashion. I'm reading transcripts. I'm getting dizzy.

this fucking room haunts me

vongole, though

a man's best friend, who's known to bite if handled roughly. her name means clams.

I've been doing some web surfing. I can't move in one straight line to save my life so I've been doing some web surfing. kristoph doesn't say what kind of retriever vongole is, which is fine. retrievers are dogs bred to retrieve game, tasked not to break skin, to be gentle, to keep soft mouths. vongole is a retriever who bites (literal) when bitten (metaphorical); a clam that clasps shut.

kristoph's a dog guy and sometimes he's the metaphorical dog. not One straight line to save my life. it's funny that seven years have passed without phoenix meeting vongole. held at arms length but indisputably held. a man's closest friend. besides his dog.

a lot of the time phoenix is the metaphorical dog. putting all tangents aside A lot of the time. phoenix is that metaphorical dog. what is seven years of companionship, eating dinner after dinner together, and being seen at your worst... worth? indulge me: this guy, you pieced together pretty quick, was behind the forged evidence that lost you your badge. this guy, as you saw happen in real time, was the one person on that committee to vote against that "strictest punishment".

this guy, as an indisputable fact, is a big fucking weirdo. you'll need to snare him eventually, for the forged evidence, but--you're kind of in the habit of liking weirdos. is the thing. he sunk your career, he lost you your badge. he's kind of an asshole, also.

he has bought you and trucy dinner more times than you could ever hope to count. there's a curve in your sofa from all the times he's sat in the same spot, wrinkling his nose at greasy takeout boxes and your grape juice breath. he talks to trucy in a voice slightly less haughty--warm, if a gun was held to your head about it--than the one he plays up with you, and she completely eats it up; thinks he's real fun to tease. his eyebrows wrinkle, an almost nothing frown, when she puts on a show with a trick that he can't immediately come to some conclusion about. he'll put on obnoxious rubber gloves to wash your dishes, to protect his manicured nails, as he goes down a dozen rabbit holes trying to reason out what he's missing. you've seen him doing casework. he's seen you delirious and half out of your mind. his mouth, in your experience, is soft.

you're kind of in the habit of liking assholes, too.

neither of these guys can be vulnerable for shit. over the course of seven years, they've seen each other as close to vulnerable as they can get, which isn't very, because this span of time especially--phoenix stubbornly keeping a little girl's head above the water, kristoph, for reasons we will never, ever understand, constantly looking over his shoulder--really doesn't see either of them in a place to get through any skin-flaying conversations about what they want with or from one another.

kristoph really does want control, though. he wants to be in control of things, have a handle on things. and he probably figured out something like immediately that phoenix wright really isn't the sort of guy you go to for that kind of thing. and yet! sunk cost fallacy's a bitch, kristoph! what good does a beautiful bluebird do you if you don't keep it with you on display heavy-handed. I know. don't I know it.

gonna rein myself in a little. because I'm off the deep end and you're posing really interesting ideas. kristoph couldn't rest for seven years because "shadi smith" was unaccounted for, out there somewhere. kristoph couldn't rest for seven years because he was scared for his life. "shadi smith" played a game of poker against the best and got whacked. and then murdered! tough luck!

really it's my curse. that so much of krisnix is personalized person to person, because of real aa5 shaped smoke and mirrors. because it gives me the space, the soapbox, the platform, microphone, and spotlight, to ask, In that trial, of the murder of Shadi Smith, where Kristoph Gavin was supposed to defend Phoenix Wright, what verdict was he looking to see through?

because I'm sick, you see. kristoph had just, finally, gotten rid of the man he spent so long being scared of, just clawed his way to the path out of the woods, and all he had to do was--

Have you ever stood at a crossroad. the decision laid out in front of you's not actually that tough, if you can believe it. even space for you to completely rationalize any attachments away: you get phoenix wright off (haha), you keep your reputation as the best defense in the west (opinions on the name notwithstanding), and you could, as a possibility to consider on occasion, maybe even learn how to have a slightly more-vulnerable-than-usual conversation.

or you could lose.

pretty simple choice to make, right?

and then phoenix goes and fucks it up, of course. dogs get restless with nothing to do. they want to be of use to you, kristoph, did you ever think to fucking ask phoenix for help? you come when called, you let yourself be persuaded, generously, to help keep food on the table. to keep a warm body company, one way or the other. to be some fucked up psychosexual approximation of a friend. but phoenix comes running when called, too, and you haven't once given him the chance.

big fucking stink you're in, kristoph! You didn't just brain a guy with a juice bottle for no reason. Tell me why you did it.

the big question you won't answer. five black psyche locks pulsing with a despair you don't have the tools to register. you said it already: I killed a man named "Smith" with a bottle because I am an evil human being.

what does phoenix hope to get out of this. motive for a murder, then what?

you really get me anon. phoenix never the kind of guy to give up on somebody he loves, up against someone who's finished with even arms length, stubborn as all get-out, and, even to himself, completely unsalvageable. irredeemable. an evil human being who killed a man named "smith" with a bottle.

it's not that phoenix would help kristoph hide a body. he pretty evidently did not do that. and it's not that phoenix would just forgive kristoph for trying to poison a twelve year old girl either. but there were seven full years between the disappearance of zak gramarye and the murder of "shadi smith", and vera misham hadn't been poisoned yet, and phoenix wright is an awfully loyal, terribly stubborn man himself.

I don't really know what the hell the lot of this means to tell you the truth. but I think now as much as ever that phoenix should chase kristoph's chance at life to the death, and I think that regardless of the stopping point on the line of time kristoph's last words to phoenix should be ...Later, then.

[lostbutterflyutau]

She’s the Albatross… She is here to destroy you

This is part one of what I call the “Head Family Trifecta” of The Tortured Sohma Family Department. When put together, The Albatross, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me, and The Prophecy tie together the stories of the head family, Akira, Ren, and Akito.

Since I would like to go in order, we’re starting with a lyrical analysis/essay about Ren’s song, “The Albatross.”

Full disclosure. I did have to do a bit of research on some parts of the symbolism from others’ perspectives, but ultimately, I will be laying out a lyrical breakdown of the song from Ren’s point of view. In other words, I will be getting into her head and how she sees things pre-canon.   However, it doesn’t mean I justify anything Ren does in the canon story. I just think the parallels in the song and story are fascinating.

Wise men once said, “Wild winds are death to the candle. A rose by any other name is a scandal.” Cations issued, he stood Shooting the messengers They tried to warn him about her

These wise men she’s referring to are the staff and any family members who were against Akira and Ren’s relationship. The old faction. As revealed in chapter 115, they had a very specific set of traits they were looking for in any woman wishing to marry into the family. Traits that Ren didn’t meet in their eyes. Ren was the “wild wind,” and the “scandal,” someone not from an elite family (not even close) and certainly not trained to be a proper wife for the head of the family. She had been a servant. One who had, to the traditional family, overstepped her bounds.

But beyond that, she is also a woman who we see can’t be easily controlled. In her relationship with Akira, this is reinforced by her pushing past their words to go after what she wants. And despite the cautions issued, Akira chose to peruse his relationship with Ren.

Cross your thoughtless heart Only liquor anoints you She’s the Albatross She is here to destroy you

I take this to be Ren echoing things said by the opposers mentioned earlier. Often, when one says “cross my heart,” it means that they are being genuine, either in telling a truth or in their intent to fulfil a promise. But it’s also important to note “thoughtless,” which often means not showing consideration for others in a negative sense. However, I think her it’s more meant to be Akira’s naivety. From the little we know, he was sickly and sheltered and given the way the family was looking to approve a marriage partner, I’d wager that he didn’t have much agency in the way his life panned out, similar to Akito before her turnaround. She says in season 3 episode 7 that, “This is the life they gave me! No one ever offered me another one!” And I think the same may have been true for her father before her, minus being told he was special and being allowed to abuse people.

Being anointed is a spiritual process. Because we know that Akira was frail and sickly, I’m going to take it as “anointing the sick” with not a literal liquor, but a metaphorical one. In romances, love is sometimes described as “intoxicating” and we know Ren loves him to an obsessive degree (even after his passing), so it’s this love, this passion of hers that acts as the liquor anointing and corrupting the naïve Akira in the family’s eyes. 

Combine this all together and it’s people thinking and saying that Akira needs to be saved from Ren. Back to chapter 115, the head maid warns him to not be tricked by a woman such as Ren, likely believing her to be someone who would bring down the family in some way. Though I don’t get the vibe that she was ever a gold digger or power seeker (since she never mentions going after power and her feud with Akito is over personal reasons), I wouldn’t be surprised if the maids and family elders did see her as a usurper, stealing and tricking and “destroying” Akira and by proxy – the Sohma clan.

“One bad seed kills the garden One less temptress One less dagger to sharpen” Locked me up in towers But I’d visit in your dreams And they tried to warn you about me

The wise men speak again in the second verse. The bad seed mentioned is obviously Ren, and the “garden” is the Sohma clan. It’s a repeat of them saying her presence is a risk to the family. As mentioned before, several marriage proposals had already been vetted and turned down because they saw themselves as looking out for the family and Akira falling for Ren challenges the plans they had. Additionally, one less temptress/dagger to sharpen may refer to how Ren was seen as the temptress who “ensnared” Akira and walked into the garden unwanted and without shame, and so, the metaphorical daggers came out, starting what would later be the divide between Ren’s side and Akito’s (AKA the “old faction” and the “newcomers”).  

While we don’t directly see this, the idea that people tried to keep the couple apart is heavily implied given the way the old maid tells Akira not to be fooled by her. The “bad seed” who will spell trouble for the family and should remember her place. And that’s just what we’re given on screen, so to speak. Ren may not have been physically locked up or barred from seeing Akira, but they probablu did try and force her back into her box of being a “lowly servant.” Yet, despite this, they can’t control what happens in his dreams. And given how obsessive her love is shown to be, of course she would believe he was dreaming about her and that, even in those dreams, the voices tried to break them apart.

We’ve already gone over the chorus that repeats here, so I’m going to skip over it and go right to,  

Devils that you know Raise worse hell than a stranger She’s the death you chose You’re in terrible danger

This part is rather simple. People that are close can be more dangerous than strangers. In the Sohma clan, this phrase rings very true. Even though they try and live in their own world, the truth is that those in the inner family are probably more dangerous, especially considering the ones surrounding Akira who are dictating his life and future. It’s them that are raising hell about the relationship. Not any of the other families they may be intertwined with. Not even people on the fringes of the inner circle. The staff and elders specifically connected to the main family.

Being a former attendant herself, I’m sure Ren knows this well and this is her being self-aware and acknowledging that by choosing her, it may stir up the ire of the family. Their inherent toxicity is that terrible danger.

And when that sky rains fire on you And you’re persona non grata I’ll tell you how I’ve been there too And how none of it matters

In Latin, “persona non grata” means “an unacceptable person.” In relation to Ren, what’s being said is that if the hate and criticism of the elders ever wears down on him, she’ll be there. After all, she says herself that no one notices his obvious loneliness and that she’ll carry his pain. It’s the same here. She’s saying that she’s been there. She understands. She’ll have his back just as he has hers.

Wise men once read fake news And they believed it Jackals raised their hackles You couldn’t conceive it You were sleeping soundly When they dragged you from your bed And I tried to warn you about them

The fake news here is rumours. We know the clan talks, as shown by what I believe are Kureno’s parents speaking between themselves about the relationship in chapter 115. In short, people talk.

To make the connection, for context, jackals (wild canines) “raise their hackles” when their hair bristles up in an aggressive position to fend off predators. So, the “wise” men are being compared to angry dogs who think that they’re doing the right thing and fending off the predator (Ren). And though she said in an earlier verse that none of their words matter, there’s also maybe a touch of guilt there for not being able to truly shield him from it all. Because as much as she says they were happy and she would take his pain, she also can’t fully protect him from feeling it.

So I… Crossed my thoughtless heart Spread my wings like a parachute I’m the albatross I swept in at the rescue

The devil that you know Looks more like an angel I’m the life you chose And all this terrible danger

In this last chorus, Ren flips the script. She’s now talking about herself and embracing being the albatross. In this case, “thoughtless” goes back to meaning “not showing consideration for others’ feelings.” Because she doesn’t care about what the family says/thinks/feels. This woman who was seen as the devil by so many has risen in her own kind of power (in her mind) by saving Akira from his loneliness and presumably whatever loveless marriage the family wanted to plan. To him, she’s an angel. Akira chose her.

However, despite their happiness, they still have the overall toxicity of the Sohma clan to contend with. It’s a bittersweet ending. They have each other. They’re happy. But also still part of this awful environment.

(This terrible danger) So cross your thoughtless heart She’s the albatross… She is here to destroy you

[dearinglovebot]

Not really a question just wanted to say love your blog a whole lot!!

This may be a weird semi question but is it weird that I find the raptor/handler lady as great mutism/selective mutism/ disabled rep? Like to me what makes her fascinating is how she does not say a word and feels closer to her animals cause for me I feel more close to my animals then anyone else and shut down and go mute sometimes. Like the is cool as a villain because we can’t really read her. I know in general disabled folks are put as the villains but to me she’s not really a villain? Like I’d find her offensive if we didint see more of HER as the show goes on, I see her as like an anti hero, hero of her own story. Idk maybe I’m yapping about nothing but she’s been my fav human Jurassic villain and also a cool representation and it makes her more badass

aweee thank you ❤️❤️

this got long I’m sorry. TLDR; it’s never weird to find characters relatable. it’s beautiful. the handler is my girlfriend who I love dearly but, for me, she’s not someone I consider mutism *representation* quite yet. open to having s2 rock my world with her tragic backstory though

honestly, there’s layers to it in my eyes. it’s like: are flamboyant villains used to mock queerness? yeah. will I still say they served amongst my fellow gays? yes. do I think they’re good representation to the wider public? absolutely not.

i don’t think it’s weird at all to love her and feel kinship in her. i like what we’ve seen of her so far. she’s fascinating in how little we know about her or her motivations. I hope she continues to girlboss her way across the world and strike fear into the hearts of many. and i think a lot of us do tend to closely bond with our animals because they don’t put unrealistic expectations on us. that’s a very realistic aspect of her. my cat is my hashtag best friend 4 life. but I do also think there’s a difference between good representation and interesting characters that we like.

personally, I think the handler is a relatively unoffensive portrayal, but I wouldn’t consider her representation for mutism. for one, I genuinely haven’t heard any talk of them consulting any nonverbal people to respectfully portray her like they did with brooklyn’s limb difference. for two, does she accurately show the experience of mutism? her backstory is going to play into this, but in her current state, I’m meh. most people already assume I’m plotting their downfall because im a non-expressive (autistic) and silent bipoc but she genuinely is trying to kill people so (tbf i wish i could hunt people for sport too sometimes so maybe not THAT inaccurate). I think the strongest thing she has going for her representation wise is that she used body language to comfort the raptors instead of words. that ability to silently communicate with her pack felt real.

how they handle her in s2 might change my opinion, but rn I don’t see her as rep in the same way that, say, yasammy represents me as a lesbian or kenji represents me as a member of a diaspora. love that freaky woman but when I explain what it’s like to be me, I wouldn’t use her as an example is my basic thought process. I’ll never knock other nonverbal people’s thoughts cause we aren’t a monolith but *i* see representation as something made for us. yaz and sammy were handled so lovingly and thoughtfully and THATS what i want representation to mean (<- guy who can’t go 2 seconds without praising yasammy)

I would also like to lightly push back on the idea that verbal shutdowns are the same as mutism, though. being mute means that you speak rarely, if ever, on a constant basis. they’re distinct experiences, though some people (like me lol) will have both! the way I’d describe it is kind of like: verbal shutdowns are temporary breakdowns caused by high emotional stress. but being nonverbal is daily life. it might be physical, mental, or both but it’s not really something that changes without purposeful interventions. the experiences are relatable to each other, but they have their nuances

I DIGRESS! at the end of the day, there’s no authority on representation thought because that defeats the purpose of us all being unique people with our own opinions. if a character makes you feel seen, then that’s beautiful. keep loving them. don’t let anyone tell you it’s weird. our experiences shape how we relate to characters. the good, the bad, and the ugly. hell, you’re talking to the person who soapboxes about autistic claire everyday because I think she acts like one of us. she’s relatable to my experience so I’m gonna claim her all I want every day of the week. that’s the beauty of fiction

I hope this didn’t come off as shaming or superior in any way. I tried to emphasize personal opinion where I could but again I’m autistic. makes me sound more confrontational than intended online. I genuinely do not think it’s weird in any way. I mainly just hope s2 gives the nuance I’m looking for in her portrayal

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Last week I wrote a post about the first episode of Taskmaster season 16. In it, I kept talking about something I’ve wondered for quite a while about Lucy Beaumont, which is how much of her schtick is a character. After posting that, I became a bit worried that might post might fall into a somewhat common, shitty trope where people are less likely to ascribe agency to a female comedian who seems strange than to a male one.

I first heard of this idea when I heard Rose Matafeo talk about it some time ago, because she has an emotional breakdown on stage at the end of her award-winning stand-up show Horndog, and she said that afterward, a lot of people asked if she was okay because they thought she had genuinely lost it, rather than written a show that ended with a breakdown. And not that that problem never happens to male comedians, but I think it happens less often, as people are more likely to trust that a male comedian is doing this on purpose, but might think a female comedian just doesn’t have control over her own act.

So I wondered, a bit, if I was falling into that by wondering whether or not Lucy Beaumont genuinely believes the ghost of a dog gets into bed with her at night and she doesn’t understand how road speed rules work differently from a television show. Especially because there is a male comedian making really daft comments for comedic effect right next to her, and I can use that as a contrast. When Sam Campbell tells a weird story about people who rescued divers, I know he’s aware that that’s a ludicrous idea to bring in, and is saying it because it’s funny. So why would I wonder whether Lucy Beaumont is saying her ridiculous things because “she’s just like that”.

To be clear, I don’t think she might be literally “just like that”. I mean, I know she knows she’s on TV and meant to be doing comedy. I know that when she says things, she says them because she thinks they’ll be funny. I guess my main question with her is whether we’re supposed to think she’s 100% in character, like the way someone like Nick Helm plays a character, or if she is just “playing herself” and “herself” happens to be someone who likes daft comedy. I think that’s what I was wondering. I know she has to be quite an intelligent person, because you can’t put a career together as successfully as Lucy Beaumont has if you’re not. You can’t be that funny if you don’t know what you’re doing. People being genuinely really daft is not as funny as smart people playing up daftness for comedy. I do know that.

And then I thought, maybe Sam Campbell isn’t the comparison I should be using. I have asked almost this exact same question before about Paul Chowdhry, and maybe that’s closer. I know that when Paul Chowdhry says something funny, he’s saying it because he’s aware that it will be funny. But also, it’s really hard for me to tell how much is a character and how much is him. I feel the same way about Lucy Beaumont, and I’m glad I’ve found an example of a male comedian I feel the same way about, suggesting that it’s not just something I ask about female comedians because I don’t want to give them credit for control over their own persona. I know she’s controlling it through intelligence and comedic skill. I just don’t know exactly how.

Last year, I listened to Paul Chowdhry’s episode of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, in the hopes that it would answer some of those questions about him. I got very few answers, but it was a fascinating interview, and a bit amusing to hear Stuart Goldsmith so on the back foot, audibly very aware of the challenge in front of him, to try to get a sincere, out-of-character conversation out of the notoriously opaque Paul Chowdhry. Today, I listened to Lucy Beaumont’s (quite recent) episode of that podcast for the same reason, hoping for some insight into how her persona works.

I’ve just heard the following exchange, as they discuss how she writes her characters:

Lucy Beaumont: There’s no secret formula [for writing], it’s just really really hard, and you will get there. But with Paula [major character in Hullraisers, the TV sitcom that Lucy Beaumont’s written] – Paula definitely was a dead person coming through to me. I couldn’t shut her voice off, and her voice was so clear that it made me think it just was someone who was dead, and I was picking up on their energy. To Hull and Back [Lucy Beaumont’s Radio 4 sitcom] was written for me – a mother and a daughter came through, and I was keeping up with them. That was totally dead spirts who wrote that. If I’d have known their name I’d have credited them. Stuart Goldsmith: [laughs, sounding genuinely impressed with this figurative explanatory device] That’s incredible, that’s an incredible way of looking at it. To what extent are you using – just so I’m clear – to what extent are you using “dead people”, in inverted commas, as a metaphor for the creativity coming out of somewhere you don’t know where it’s from, and to what extent do you mean literally dead people? Lucy Beaumont: No, I literally, totally, one hundred percent believe that most writers, when you get characters that are fully formed – what they call “write themselves” – you have picked up on spirits. [pause that lasts half a second too long where despite the silence, you can hear him recalibrate his reaction to this now that he knows it’s meant literally] Stuart Goldsmith: That’s amazing, I’ve never heard anyone put it like that before. Lucy Beaumont: I’ve had a lot of conversations with a lot of writers and that, I’ve convinced them that that’s right.

The conversation goes on for a little while like this. To his credit, I think, Stuart Goldsmith strikes a good balance. He asks further questions to get her to expand on that point, and at some point, her insistence on how very literal she's being causes him to ask, "Lucy, are you pulling my leg?" To which the answer is no, and then you can hear him recalibrate again, giving up on his efforts to get her to see the potential in saying this is a good metaphorical device. To his credit I think he handles the ensuing conversation well - gently challenges the idea that writers can't just make shit up and it needs to come from spirits, but without being a dick about it and telling her that what she believes is wrong. And he does manage to dig into that far enough to find the scraps of her common ground with the people who, you know, don't believe in that shit, and pointing out the ways that her perspective could translate to really useful practical writing advice. He did pretty well, I thought.

But the point is that I no longer feel guilty for wondering whether Lucy Beaumont is entirely putting it on. I mean, she's putting some of it on, for comedic effect, intentionally intelligently as all comedians do. But also, when she says she believes a dog ghost climbs into bed with her at night, she's probably saying that not because she's in character, but because she believes a dog ghost climbs into bed with her at night.

[decepti-thots]

Ask meme: Rodimus (idw)

one aspect about them i love: Rodimus has this really fascinating combo of being extremely unselfaware in the moment and then excruciatingly self aware after the fact that you can dig into a lot if you feel like it. That really horrible sense of 'I know I keep fucking it up but I can't actually manage to STOP it' which I think explains a lot about him. There's an idea of like, just knowing about the problem isn't enough to fix it. The trap of self awareness is that you can get stuck in a position where you see the problem and how it IS a problem, but you mistake that for actually making progress on it, which I think is where Rodimus is at when we start MTMTE, and it's… a very frustrating place to be in. And because he's surrounded by people firmly in the 'that's just how he is and we Manage him' mindset, he has very little obvious motivation to try and approach it from any other mindset. Yes all this is a GOOD thing, I love him.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them: Rodimus is not just accidentally callous, though he can be. He is absolutely inclined to genuine pettiness and even cruelty. Any version of Rodimus which assumes he is only ever accidentally cruel is, to me, an incomplete one. He's a very compassionate person deep down, but that's just why that inclination towards pettiness bothers him. I think it's really important that this be something he has to work against- because when he does work against it, that means something.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character: Rodimus partly has so much antagonism towards Whirl because Whirl is terribly good at seeing through Rodimus' bullshit and when he wants he can cut Rodimus down with absolute precision. We actually see Whirl be quite astute about Rodimus a couple of times in canon and it just seems like he'd be very willing to deploy a frustratingly on-point observation of Rodimus' worst issues when it pleased him. Usually even when people do call Rodimus out, they don't do it correctly, they see an issue but not the correct origin point under all his posturing- but Whirl does, and Rodimus deeply resents him for it. For this exact reason, they would be shockingly good friends under other circumstances, in their own way.

one character i love seeing them interact with: Magnus! I fucking love their s1 interactions. I love that there's a sense of them having known each other before and how even though they're so antagonistic, they still demonstrate a sort of frustrated familiarity with each other. Rodimus always feels like he's the only one on board with the context to know Mags is acting out of character during the early issues, and Magnus is one of the only people in the comic to ever seem like he expects more of Rodimus sometimes. Their interaction at the start of 'The Sound of Breaking Glass' is one of my favourite in the whole series, when they discuss Rodimus wanting to change, and how Magnus thinks maybe it's a good thing Tyrest's portal broke. Or the bit after Overlord, where Rodimus talks about why he was ignoring Magnus' memos, and we see Magnus had tried to get Rodimus' help with his breakdown. They're almost... resigned to being a little more honest with each other? I love them.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more: Rung. I love the bit we get in the aforementioned post-Overlord scene, where Rung reads Rodimus bang to rights and at first Rodimus gets angry, but later is like. Yeah, you were right actually. I appreciate the honesty. Come help me out on Luna-1? Like, it's such a telling scene. Rung understands Rodimus in some ways and completely doesn't in others, because he knows what Rodimus' real problems are but he doesn't understand Rodimus needs something other than gentle sympathy. And then I think Rodimus has the potential to be... surprisingly insightful about Rung's own issues, his loneliness. I can imagine him seeing through Rung's impartial front quite shrewdly. It would be an interesting dynamic.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character: Rodimus is the only other person on the ship except Tailgate who is interested in Cyclonus' old Cybertronian songs and such. Because, well, he's interested in the "golden age", he wants to hear about a time before Cybertron was as he remembers it, i.e. on its way to being fucked. And Cyclonus remembers that time in a way that makes it sound better, the actual truth aside. He's very embarrassed about this fact and tries to cover it up under a layer of irony or whatever but he sometimes sidles up to Cyclonus at the bar after a couple drinks and. Prompts him. To talk about stuff. And just sort of tries to look bored even as he's listening. Cyclonus will ramble on without the need for much encouragement after he's had a few, it turns out.

[capitalisticveins]

D.A.M.N Crew Headcanons Part 3 (Ft. Kody, Xavier, and Avior)

Not as many Kody and Xavier headcanons as I wish there would be, but they’re still there. Enjoy!

- Caelum had his front tooth kicked out by one of his older brothers on accident.

- Freelancer will never let anyone else crack the eggs if they’re baking something. It always has to be them, not even Caelum can do it if they’re around.

- Damien has busted his ass while skating once and never touched a skateboard again.

- Lasko can use a hoverboard but lives every second in anxiety and fear when the low battery sound plays.

- Huxley’s instagram is just full of pictures of his moms and rocks with googly eyes.

- Lasko and Huxley say “Golly” unironically.

- Caelum enjoys chocolate ice cream.

- Freelancer prefers French Vanilla.

- Xavier has sung “Nations of the World” from the Animaniacs perfectly after only watching it once.

- Gavin can do the “disappearing thumb” trick.

- He’s done it in front of Caelum but Caelum started to cry after he saw it.

- Damien can write and speak in cursive.

- Damien can understand Russian script.

- Huxley has always wanted to give Damien a piggyback ride, and only got to do it after they got together. It was the best thing ever. For Huxley, anyway.

- Lasko likes to watch Ni-Hao Kai Lan.

- Whenever someone tells Freelancer to pose, they always do a peace sign.

- Gavin bullies people on Discord.

- When Freelancer and Gavin first met, Freelancer genuinely didn’t know he was getting sucked off until he mentioned it.

- Caelum likes growing his hair out, so whenever Delphinus says it’s time to cut it, he flies to the highest altitude he can muster and just…stays there…until Delphinus gives up. He’s done this for a year and a half now.

- Kody’s eyes are usually glossy, like he’s about to cry. It’s ironic because he hasn’t cried since the 5th grade.

- Huxley has cut his hair into bangs before, never again.

- When Lasko sneezes, it evolves into a series of annoying tiny sneezes that leaves his nose red.

- Damien would rather die than use Airpods.

- Xavier has always wanted a BIG dog, but never got the chance to get one.

- Caelum has his own section in Freelancer’s dorm where he can play and sleep.

- Gavin heard what happened to Avior when he tried to rift back to Aria and said “And people ask me why I don’t rift back home anymore”.

- Gavin has called Avior a “dickrider” before.

- Freelancer is FASCINATED by Vampires.

- Lasko owns a robe that reaches past his feet.

- Huxley belly flops onto pools for fun.

- Damien hates tanning.

- When Caelum heard about the Nintendo EShop shutting down, he begged and cried for Freelancer to hack his 3DS since Gavin and Delphinus had no idea how to. Freelancer had to look up how to do it, and spent the night doing it, but it was easier than they thought.

- Kody randomly walks around his house in jeans and flip flops while being shirtless.

- Gavin believed in the “Talking Angela is stalking you” theory.

- Lasko refuses to download Twitter.

- Freelancer developed their powers in the 6th grade when someone was picking on them, and hid them from their family for 4 years in fear of what they could do with them. Their parent(s) found out after they froze their room while having a breakdown via stress.

- Huxley played spin the bottle at a party with his friends a few years ago, and when the bottle landed on Xavier, they immediately began kissing with no question, hesitation, or awkwardness.

- Caelum hates Baby Shark.

- Lasko has a sleep mask, a bed that regulates temperature, 7 pillows, and a surround sound system that plays rain sounds at night.

- When Damien first came into his room, he was appalled at how comfortable it looked.

- Caelum makes hot cocoa and then puts it in the fridge to cool down.

- Huxley’s moms owns 3 cats. One rarely moves, and the other two are menaces.

Taglist: @morgansplace

[candyskiez]

Favorite The Owl House episode?

tbh, haven't rewatched the show in a long long time so might need to rewatch to be sure. for a while, it was eda's requiem. it means a lot to me and genuinely made me realize shit about myself. as dumb as it sounds it's what made me realize "...oh. if I died, that'd...probably fuck up the people around me." so it has a massively special place in my heart. and also the depth it gives eda! made me reevaluate shit about how I view parents and also just. god. the importance of found family and how important it is to acknowledge that it's just as important as blood family. found family is so often treated as secondary and seeing it portrayed as just as important is so fucking good and god! middle aged characters with depth! middle aged WOMEN with depth! some of the most accurate depression rep I've seen. she feels so real and raw and god, it's really nice to see a middle aged character who gave up learning to get back up again and stop feeling like they missed the best of their life and wasted it, and aaorudhdjd. god. I love eda. the music is beautiful and the duet is haunting, raeda fascinates me, and bard magic will ALWAYS be my favorite magic in toh.

I feel like the grey decaying thing works excellently as a metaphor for depression. it's what made me start going "is this a metaphor for mental illness?" because it FEELS like it. the voice acting is top tier and its so fucking good. it's just,,, man. a middle aged woman having an episode all to herself?? baby mes mind would've been BLOWN. her hatred of the curse wouldn't have hit nearly as hard without this episode, I think. the loneliness and feeling like it makes her Less is shown so well in this episode. it's just,,, man. as someone who's struggled with depression all my life, it resonates. she doesn't even CONSIDER king would still love her. raine saved her fucking life there and I'm still fucked up about it. it handles depression very well and its just. Man. that duet is one of the most memorable scenes in the show. darius abomination form is badass, raine's powers are so cool, the bats have my ENTIRE heart, the fucking MUSIC. brads music bangs. I love his soundtracks and this episode is just. always iconic to me.

that being said, I'm not entirely sure if it's my favorite episode right now? my brain flip flops on these things. right now I think it might be eclipse lake because it's just. SUCH a good episode. it's so gorgeous. the fight choreography, the animation, the lore, but most of all the EMOTION.

it has such excellent abuse rep. showing not only the complicated emotional reality of living with your abuser, of being dependent on your abuser, but also the fact that having an abusive relationship influences how you view ALL relationships. I love that amitys trauma isn't sidelined! what originally comes off as amity being a little TOO excited about having a girlfriend and also dana flipping off disney is shown to be amity being fucking terrified of losing this. she's so desperate to prove herself and since they're foils we gain knowledge as to what odalia and amitys relationship might've been like through hunter and gain insight into how hunter might view other relationships going forward through amity and it's LOVELY.

it also drives me insane that people use this episode as proof amity would hate hunter when. nah. nah, absolutely not. also I love how it shows how fucking KIND amity actually is. this boy's threatened and backstabbed her multiple times and is showing he's willing to do ANYTHING to win, and she still feels so much fucking sympathy for him. because she gets it. he's like her. she would've done this in his shoes. she offers him kindness and shows no sign of holding a grudge??? NONE???? this woman is fucking forgiving. she would have every right to hate his guts and she doesn't. idk what y'all mean when you say she's a jerk shes fucking KIND.

also hunters breakdown is painful to watch. I don't know what I can say about it that hasn't already been said. it's so raw and resonant, it feels like watching a real kid, it has such a realistic depiction of abused kids, what else can I say?

I also love the addressing of the cycle of abuse. hunter isn't a pure innocent baby here. he's manipulative and mean and cutthroat. hes a dick! I love him having anger issues because that's how abused kids often are! and I love amity backsliding! I love amity going tunnel vision! I love how realistic and painful the whole episode is!

they're just kids, man. you can tell the crew wanted this to be realistic and they succeeded.

I don't know which I like more. they're both just so GOOD.

(ask me things!)

[wild-wombytch]

Mix of reading review and personal shits and existential crisis about lesbianism : (also TW for rape, I'm putting the most TMI paragraphs in purple so you can skip them)

I finished reading a French book with pictures and portraits of lesbians. While I liked it (there are especially fascinating portraits of immigrant lesbians and elderly lesbians), I have mixed feelings about it.

On the bright side, no TIM apparently, even a TIF dating only lesbians and not pretending to be male who was quite wholesome to read about. We stan endangered species.

And the less bright side...A lot of the women here seem to be bisexuals calling themselves lesbians and saying they "became" lesbians or they made a choice or were "happy" with their male exes. A lot of uses of "queer" (although all these women undeniably are SSA, have sex with and date women). The average experience seems to be women who were with their moid for 8y or so, had kids with them, and then had experiences with women or met their current long-term female partner and have more babies with them.

It's a bit disappointing. Like, I can understand older women who married long term with men maybe being lesbians. I can understand women trying to be with men (like I did) because they had no real representation of lesbian relationships (especially in rural/very religious areas) and never questioned their lack of attraction to men because they thought everyone was meh about them and hetero relationships were seen as the "default" or because they were afraid of their attraction to women.

But I'm sorry, women who are happy with men can't be lesbian by definition. And women who stay for YEARS with their moids... like c'mon. (Kinda TMI following) I spent two weeks and a half with "mine" because I was stuck in a foreign country and couldn't go home after two days there and I already felt sick and wanted to kms and had genuine mental breakdowns curling on the floor crying and only calming down by mentally organising my luggage and making plans to maybe hitchhike and panhandle my way to the airport while taking opioids until I was numb enough to be gaslighted into giving him another chance. And another. And another...and so on.

Technically, I was never fully penetrated because I was so repelled that I became a venus flytrap and I'm thinking that the bleeding I had was more about having tears down there than my hymen. Very much a "you shall not pass" moment.

When I tried again with a male thinking that maybe it was just because the other one sucked as a person and disgusted me as an individual and other men would be different, I almost threw up during intimacy and cried (which didn't keep him from forcing me to sex acts I didn't want and which made me sick and hurt me anyway).

Genuine question: do y'all think it's possible to be lesbian when you're with a man for years? To be lesbian and have kids with your husband? Could it be internalized lesbophobia and lack of solid French lesbian community ? Or is it genuinely impossible in your opinion?

Because at the same time...a lot of these women also spent like 15, 20y with their current partners and couldn't be with men anymore if they were single.

But it bothers me. From one hand, this book is good at getting rid of the guilt of having been with men/raped by men, but on the other hand...I genuinely couldn't relate to the average narrative there. There was I believe 1-2 lesbian only who were gold stars and while some say men weren't for them or were a mistake...I haven't seen strong words against men and the male body or penises.

Like, for me, what makes me call myself a lesbian is not just my love/desire/attraction to women, it's also my repulsion for the male body, no matter how much I attempted to "fix" it. (Kinda TMI) And looking in hindsight to all the signs, like constantly ""joking"" "haha but what if I'm a lesbian" or being against traveling (before caving in the pressure) because just reading about penetration genuinely made me sick to the stomach and made me dizzy in a bad way, even before I was confronted to actual irl dicks (that plus dysphoria). I went with men in the first place because I'm fucked up and struggle to dissociate friendship, fear and love, and my ex was the first person who seemed to not treat me like garbage (the very first days we met online at least, afterwards it's a very different story) and because I had problems with alcohol and stuff and thought I was pansexual because I was attracted to women but never asking myself if I ever felt something for men (I didn't, except fear. Which sometimes gets tangled with having "butterflies" because again, I'm fucked up).

Idk, for me lesbianism by definition is tied to repulsion or at the very least indifference towards the male body (all the male bodies, not just the ones who traumatized you), not just attraction to the female body, which can be bisexuality.

I'm also curious (since I see this hot topic a lot) about everyone's opinion about women who simp for, say, fictional men (maybe even exclusively feminine male characters, created to cater to a female audience). Who for example have fantasies about them, which don't involve penetrative sex, thinking of dicks or male characteristics they'd be confronted to irl like smell and hair and average moid behaviours. Could it be internalized homophobia/misogyny? A way to feel safe/deal with some ossues they had with males? Can they be lesbians (maybe lesbian in denial)? If so, does it i stop once they accept themselves? Or is it a dead giveaway of bisexuality? Curious of what radfems think about this since I've since very varying opinions on Reddit and such and met women like that irl.