#the brain goes 'well I gotta be anxious about *something*'

[arsenicflame]

Bootblacking is my favourite kink to give Izzy, because of course this guy would get his rocks off doing precise, repetitive, manual labour. OF COURSE he gets off on what is essentially just another chore on his list.

[hedge-rambles]

One of the cool things about human brains is that we can practice our responses to things we've never actually experienced.

Children love to play imagination games including dark and dangerous situations because it's how their brains work out a script of what to do if that ever actually happens. Adults like to read and watch and create media about horrible things, things they've never experienced (and hope never to experience) because it lets them play out and consider how they would act in that situation, laying down neural pathways for it ahead of time.

I think people who say "if you write about X happening, or like fiction where X happens, you like X" have it completely backwards tbh. People often like writing/reading/watching things about X happening not because they want it to, but precisely because they don't. Engaging with it in fiction lets their brains go "good job! you're prepared now!".

Every single time I see a take that amounts to "if you write about X happening, or like fiction where X happens, you like X" I'm reminded of this one time I was at a casual friends house as a young kid. We were in her room, pretending to "be orphans" escaping from an evil orphanage and having to take care of each other and fend for ourselves. It was all very Little Orphan Annie/All Dogs Go to Heaven and based on the 80s pop media.

And this girl's mom comes in, hears what we're playing and gets all MAD and UPSET. She says that if we play act something, it's because we want it to happen. So her daughter must WANT HER TO DIE.

First off lady, we were 6 year year olds, so take it down several notches. We barely had a concept of mortality for fucks sake. She made us feel so guilty and ashamed, because she was taking our game personally.

Now I have a 5 year old. And sometimes she looks at me and says "pretend you're dead, and I have to -" Whatever it is. Some adult task she's assigned herself.

And it's just so transparently obvious that she's practicing the idea of having to do things on her own. Which is exactly what 5 year olds are supposed to do. I actually find it very flattering that the only way she can envision me not being available to help her is to be literally deceased. Otherwise, obviously, she wouldn't have to do scary hard things alone.

It's a natural coping mechanism. She's self-soothing about what would happen if I wasn't there by play-acting independence in a perfectly safe environment. She's also practicing skills she needs, and making up excuses for practicing them on her own, without taking on the responsibility of being able to do them by herself all the time yet.

Humans mentally rehearse bad this in their brains all the time. We can do that by ruminating- going over worries over and over again, which tends to lead to anxiety and helplessness and depression. Or we can do it with a sense of play- by recognizing that the fiction is fiction and we can dip our toe into these experiences and expose ourselves to bad things without actually being injured.

My daughter does not want me dead. And I don't want bad things to happen in real life. But fiction and pretend help me face the horrors of the world and think about them without collapsing or messing myself up mentally.

[gamblersdoll]

𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐍𝐓 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄

a snippet of what could have been a good story.

angst at first, attempted assault, p in v, hate sex

“you always like to start some shit when it doesn’t go your way.” toji seethed, eyes glaring into yours as he looms over you. “you act like i wanted any of this to happen.”

“really? i couldn’t fuckin’ tell.” you spit back, arms folded and glaring right back at him.

he sucks his teeth, his arms shaking and heart racing with rage, anxiety, animosity. “always talkin’ about my faults, we never talk about yours.”

“oh really? what the fuck is my problem?” you ask, finally looking up to him and becoming chest to chest. you point your finger into his chest, rage flowing into you. “we talk about your faults because you have many more than i do.”

“well for starters, you bitch and whine all the time.” he gets closer, chest pressed to yours. “you talk alot of shit as if you have room to qualify.”

“because i do qualify, toji!” you bark, agitation flowing over you. “maybe i talk shit because you left me in the fucking dust as if what we had was nothing to you!”

“we were teenagers stuck in a fucking clan.” he deadpans, raising his own voice. “if you mean that little ‘relationship’ you think we had, i would just say we were fucking each other. nothing more or less than that.”

just fucking huh?

“you bastard— you said that you were in love with me!” you remind, a snarl coming from your throat.

“bitch- i was sixteen!” he shouts, his hands shaking more and hes growing more irritated, more anxious the longer this conversation goes. “you act like i cheated on you or something— we werent together!”

“and yet you promised me you would be better, that you wouldnt be an asshole— but look at you!” you slap the backs of your hands on his chest, watching his eyebrow twitch. “youre no better than the fucking clan!”

“the fuck did you say?” he asks, dumbfounded.

“oh, i gotta break it down for you? youre no better than a fucking zenin, because thats all you will ever fucking be!”

he blinks for a second, his brain allowing him to process the information and he swiftly raises his hand, quickly stopping himself before his palm reached your face. he grits his teeth, staring down at you.

“do it, i fucking dare you toji.” you warn, watching his eyes.

he breathes deeply, his hand wrapping around the back of your neck to pull you in for a deep kiss. a kiss you havent had since he left you in a empty house, that the clan had left you to essentially die in. you, still shaking, embrace the kiss as he forced his way inside of your mouth.

“sometimes,” he says in between kisses, “i really despise you.” he finalizes, hands all over you and his lips at your neck, a hand on your hip and a hand on your breasts.

“can say the same for you.” you retort, your hands tugging on the back of his hair and he groans.

the fact you remember he likes that… surprised him.

your back his the bed, eyes looking up to toji and moaning as he suckles on a hardened nipple, and a hand spreading your legs apart. the air fans against your bare clit, making you shiver.

hes gotten bigger, over the years. sure, he was a good size when he was younger with you, taller, a bit bulky, but now? hes massive— not mentioning his cock grew, too.

he aligns himself with your entrance, and you grab his shoulder. “if you think im wet enough for you to slam the whole thing in, we can call it quits.”

he stares at you for a second, face straight and his hands holding yours down. “if you want this to feel good, better ask properly.”

you suck your teeth, a heat coming to your face. “please, give me some kind of lube before you go in.”

“thats much better.” he sarcastically replied, sliding down to pull your knees apart, his breath fanning your clit and you jump slightly. he stops, looking up to you. “i havent even touched your little pussy, yet.”

“shut up..”

“guess you havent had any action in a minute, huh?” he asks, but doesn’t care for a response. he licks at your clit, a thumb hooking down inside your cunny and he suckles the nub of nerves.

you roll your eyes in bliss, hand going into his hair and you forget to tug at it, him reminding you to do so with your pussy in his mouth. his wet muscle slips inside, fidgeting with your folds and suckling at anything he can. “think ‘yer all prepped, now.” he gruffs, pulling himself back up to align with just you.

you silently wish he wouldve kept going, a hiss from both of you as he sinks inside of your velvety walls and you sit there for a moments time.

he stares down at you, eyebrows furrowed and he breathes heavier. his hands are already sweaty, but he pulls his hips back and pushes them forward in a agonizingly slow pace. he grits his teeth again, a groan in his mouth as he sinks deeper and deeper with each thrust.

your hands travel up his back, feeling the old scratches on his back you gave him all those years ago. theyve healed, feeling the slight scar tissue over his skin and you moan when he hits a new spot.

fuck you, toji.

and you scratch over the same ones, he groaning when you do so and his head drops. “fuck— you fucking bitch.” he breathes out, enduring the pain for the most part, but it still feels so good to him..

you feel good to him.

he grabs your throat, pulling you up and kissing you. his knees support him up, you being pulled along with him and him holding you in his lap, fucking up into your womb and swallowing your moans.

“toji..” you breathe out, you trying to hide your face into his shoulder, but he pulls you back as his hips start to bully their way into your walls. “toji..”

“this what youve been wanting again, right?” he asks, slamming you back onto the bed and his head goes to your neck, biting and kissing the tender flesh as he holds your hips down. “cum for me, fucking cum.�� he growls his demands, his jaw dropping when he feels your pretty pussy clamp down and spasm around his length. “fuck yeah,” he groans, his big arms pulling your legs onto his shoulder as he puts himself into a new angle.

“to-toji!” you cry out, hands patting at his chest in a retort. “fuck— fuck!”

“uh huh.. me too.” he moans, pushing himself closer to you. your hamstrings burn, the stretch of him pushing your knees to your chest, just so he can get deeper makes you squirm. “fuck, gettin’ close.” he moans out, eyes rolling and he pulls himself away from you. hot, thick ropes spurt onto your thighs, him breathing heavy all the meanwhile.

you pulled your shirt back over your head, pulling the clothing down and he coughs. “you know.. i didnt have a choice in leaving you or not.” he starts off, his voice a little softer. “i truly didnt.”

you don’t respond, just focused on getting dressed while you try and think of something to say. “why did you leave?” you ask, of all things.

“im still not sure as why.” he responded, peering over to you. he licks the scar over his lip, a nervous tick. “yo can ask whatever you want.”

“why did you hunt me down?” you ask, something that had been eating at you ever since he found you a few days back.

he feels his heart pang, a deep breath. “..i uh—“ he tries to say, not too sure how to put it, other than what it is. he sighs, just saying to hell with sugarcoating it. “i.. fell in love with a woman.”

you stop all motion, your heart sinking to the pit of your ass and you turn to look at him. “what the fuck.”

“i know. its..” you cut him off, anger fueling your bones and blood.

“you track me down for years just to scream at me and then get your dick wet, just so you can tell me you fell in love with a woman?” you put plainly, because thats what he did, to the tea.

“better than me not telling you.” he rolls his eyes, pulling his jeans back up. “what the fuck do you want me to do?”

you both bicker back and forth, ending words off with ‘fuck yous’ and him storming off.

why did it have to be her and not you? why was she the one that healed you and what made you crumble at the same time?

[wandering-winchesters]

Not So Wise

Requested: Yes, Hi could you do a fic where the winchesters sister has her wisdom teeth removed and is really nervous about it, then gets super loopy afterwards and Dean has a lot of fun getting some juicy gossip after. But he may get a bit more information than what he wanted…

Sitting in the dentist’s waiting room, you tried to keep your nerves in check, but it wasn’t easy. The idea of getting your wisdom teeth removed had been gnawing at you for weeks, and now that the day was finally here, the anxiety had ramped up to a whole new level. You glanced over at Dean, who was lounging casually in the chair beside you, flipping through a magazine like this was the most boring thing in the world. Meanwhile, Sam sat on your other side, ever the reassuring presence, offering you a calm, supportive smile.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Sam said, his voice soothing as always. “It’s a quick procedure. You’ll be in and out before you know it.”

“Yeah, and then we’ll get you all the ice cream you want,” Dean added, flashing you that trademark smirk of his. “But first, you gotta get through this. Don’t worry, though—I’ve got your back.”

You tried to take comfort in their words, but the butterflies in your stomach weren’t going anywhere. “What if something goes wrong? What if I say something weird afterward?” you asked, looking between your brothers with wide, anxious eyes.

Dean chuckled, reaching over to ruffle your hair. “Trust me, you’re gonna say something weird. That’s the best part.”

Before you could respond, the nurse called your name, and it was time. Your heart raced as you stood up, but Dean and Sam were right there with you, walking you to the door that led back to the surgery room. They both gave you encouraging smiles, and you took a deep breath, trying to focus on their support as you walked through the door.

The next thing you knew, you were waking up in a groggy haze, the world spinning slightly as you tried to get your bearings. You blinked, squinting against the bright lights, and realized you were lying in a reclined chair, a blanket draped over you. Your mouth felt numb and swollen, and you could vaguely taste blood, but it didn’t hurt—at least, not yet.

“Oh, look who’s awake!” Dean’s voice broke through the fog, and you turned your head to see him grinning down at you, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Sam was there too, looking more relieved than anything, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes as well.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Sam said softly. “How’re you feeling?”

You tried to answer, but all that came out was a garbled mumble. Your tongue felt like it was three times its normal size, and you weren’t entirely sure how to make your mouth work properly. Dean laughed at the sound you made, clearly enjoying this way too much.

“Aw, don’t worry, you’re still cute,” Dean teased, reaching out to gently pat your cheek. “So, anything you wanna share with us while you’re all loopy?”

Your brain was still catching up with the fact that you were no longer in the dentist’s chair, and everything felt a bit surreal. But Dean’s question registered, and you tried to think of something to say, something funny or lighthearted, but what came out surprised even you.

“I… I love you guys,” you slurred, your voice thick and barely coherent. “You’re the best brothers in the whole wide world.”

Dean’s grin softened a little, turning into something more genuine. “Well, we love you too, sis. But we already knew that. Come on, you gotta give me something juicier than that.”

You blinked at him, your thoughts swimming in a sea of anesthesia-induced fog. For some reason, you felt like talking—a lot. And not just about anything, but about everything. It was as if all the thoughts you’d kept tucked away, all the things you never dared to say out loud, were suddenly rushing to the surface, desperate to be heard.

“You know… I think Cas is really hot,” you blurted out, your eyes widening as the words tumbled from your mouth before you could stop them.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and Sam stifled a laugh. “Oh really?” Dean drawled, leaning in a little closer. “Tell me more about that.”

“Yeah…” you mumbled, your head lolling to the side as you tried to gather your thoughts. “But like, not just ‘cause he’s an angel. He’s just… got that whole broody, mysterious thing going on, you know?”

Dean was grinning like a Cheshire cat now, clearly loving every second of this. “Broody, huh? You got a thing for the strong, silent types?”

You nodded, completely oblivious to how much you were revealing. “And his eyes… they’re so blue. Like, really blue. And sometimes, when he looks at me, I just… I don’t know, I get all flustered.”

Dean exchanged a look with Sam, who was trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. “Flustered, huh? That’s cute,” Dean said, unable to resist teasing you a little more. “So, what do you think about ol’ Sammy here?”

You turned your head to look at Sam, your gaze unfocused but sincere. “Sam’s… he’s like a giant teddy bear,” you said, your voice full of affection. “So smart and always looking out for me. But sometimes, I think he worries too much. Like, dude, chill. We’re gonna be okay, you know?”

Sam chuckled, clearly touched by your words despite the loopy delivery. “I’ll try to chill more, I promise,” he said gently.

Dean, however, wasn’t done yet. “So, you’re crushing on Cas, huh? Anything else you wanna confess while you’re in the mood?”

You stared at him, your brows furrowing as you tried to process the question. And then, without thinking, you said, “I had a crush on you once.”

The room went silent. Dean’s smirk vanished, replaced by a look of genuine shock. Sam’s eyes widened, and he looked between you and Dean as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard you right.

Dean cleared his throat, trying to play it off, but there was an edge to his voice now. “You, uh… you had a crush on me?”

You nodded, completely oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. “Yeah… when we were kids. But then I realized you were, you know, my brother… so that was weird.”

Dean let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, trying to laugh it off. “Well, that’s… uh, that’s good. Definitely weird.”

Sam looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or feel awkward, so he settled for giving you a sympathetic smile. “That’s… understandable. We’ve all been through a lot together.”

You just nodded, your eyes starting to droop as the combination of the anesthesia and the emotional toll of the day began to take its toll on you. “I’m really tired now,” you mumbled, your voice growing softer.

Dean let out a relieved chuckle, gently patting your arm. “Yeah, I bet you are. Let’s get you home, okay?”

With Sam’s help, Dean carefully lifted you out of the chair, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to steady you. You leaned against him, your head resting on his shoulder as you murmured something unintelligible.

As they led you out of the office and into the cool evening air, Dean couldn’t help but glance down at you, a complicated mix of emotions swirling in his chest. He’d come here today expecting to have a little fun at your expense, to get some funny stories out of your post-surgery haze. But he hadn’t expected to hear something like that. It was strange, unsettling even, but he couldn’t deny that it also gave him a new perspective on how much you looked up to him, even if it had been in a way he never imagined.

“Let’s get you home and get some rest,” Dean said softly, his voice more tender than before. He looked over at Sam, who met his gaze with a knowing smile. They both knew this was something they’d laugh about later, but for now, the priority was taking care of you.

As they drove home, with you dozing off in the backseat, Dean couldn’t help but feel a swell of protectiveness for you. You were his little sister, and no matter what strange confessions you made while under the influence of anesthesia, he would always be there to look out for you, to tease you, and to be the brother you needed.

Because that’s what family did.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @hobby27 @jc-winchester @whump-loverz

[moxfirefly]

Rated Some What Spicy.

A little something that came to mind and I’m gifting it to @turtle-babe83

The feeling coiled within his stomach, deep and low to the point that he thought he was going to puke.

One can puke from excitement, right?

Because he was just about to prove it.

There was no anxious mission, no fighting about to start. He was simply existing within himself and probably training his green eyes at you. Watching carefully as you moved about the space. A section of his brain screamed at him to stop, to quit staring and shut his brain off.

But, fuck…

How could he? He hasn’t succeeded in doing so since the first day he had met you. The very second you had smiled up at him, something sweet and innocent that he wanted to eat.

He wanted to eat you.

Not in the full definition of the word, but the spirit of it. He wondered what sinking his teeth into sensitive gentle flesh would feel like. He wondered what the shape of his name would sound like exhaled from your throat. He wondered what the sweat that clung to your skin would mingle like with his seed sprayed against it.

Raph swallowed, audibly, but it proved useless to swallow the metaphorical knot stuck in his throat.

He picked up a piece of candy that April had flung towards Mikey’s direction not five minutes ago. Concentrated on the mundane task of unwrapping it and popping it into his mouth. The swirl of his tongue wrapped around t until the gooey centered spilled.

And yet all his brain could picture was your lips, his dick and that atrociously desperate need to see your swallow him whole.

His teeth broke the candy, loud enough that April cringed.

“You alright big guy?” She asked, avoiding another onslaught of Mikey hurling popcorn at her. They had been engaged in a hefty debate on what tonight’s movie marathon genre should be.

Raph hadn’t been mentally present for half of it. He had personally checked out when you had pushed your seat out and gotten up to get the food ready. The whole motion of movement had made your skirt floosh and the faintest reveal of thigh had been enough to send him into his own personal horny hell.

“M’fine, just getting a headache from Mikey defending The Matrix so much” He managed to move his eyes from you to cast a glare at his youngest brother.

“We can’t watch a Patrick Swayze marathon for the fifth time dude, we gotta expand our horizons” He was adamant that Mikey simply wanted to bust his balls.

“One doesn’t get tired of Point Break” Was his final statement before April offered up another trilogy as an option.

The five minute break had helped, the candy had fully melted in his mouth and by the time his eyes found you like autopilot, you had gone to the bathroom by the lack of your presence.

“Keep an eye on the food numbnuts, be right back, and no April we ain’t watching Jennifer’s Body, ya get a weird look in yer eye when that broad goes berserk on them dudes” Her huff made him smile but why were his legs lifting him up and delivering him towards the bathroom that surely was occupied?

Had he finally fucking lost his mind?

He silently prayed he’d trip and perish on his way but much to his dismay he was at the door just as you began to step out. The little jump was endearing, the wide look in your eyes quickly changing before the nervous laugh kicked in.

“Jesus I didn’t hear you” You commented with a giggle.

“My bad, ninja shit and all that” He felt his tongue was made of clay.

“Well naturally you’d be good at sneaking around, so what’s the finale decision for the marathon?” You asked, peaking a glance behind him as the debate for The Matrix had now been swapped for Rush Hour.

Raph swallowed, eyes taking in your small frame compared to his massive one. The concept of how you’d look beneath him punched him in the gut and exhilarated him all at once.

God he wanted to fucking eat you up.

“…Do ya wanna skip the movie?”

It was out of his mouth before he could shove it back down his esophagus.

“What? Like not watch them?” You weren’t taken aback, merely intrigued by his sudden change. But he could tell there was a little beneath your words an almost hopeful want.

It took a great deal for Raph to unglue his mouth, a rattle in his spirits as the adrenaline zig zagged inside of his veins.

“Kinda just wanna hang with ya…just us” He whispered it, a little nugget of information that found itself smacking your concern into a grin.

Why were you grinning?

Oh fuck!

“If you wanna be alone with me all you had to do was ask, is that it? Is that what you want Raphie?” His palms felt sweaty, he felt his stomach do a violent somersaults but your grin, your eyes casted upwards at him didn’t allow him to move. All he could muster was a nod, slow and meaningful enough to make your eyes shiny with curiosity.

Did you know? Could you read every shameful thought that’s ran through his brain all these years?

The aftertaste of the candy still clung to the inside of his cheeks, it mixed with the little saliva he had left from swallowing so much.

“Hey Mike, watch the food, something came up and Raph’s gotta take me home!” There was a muffled yeah yeah yeah from him and before Raph could look back your hand was in his.

Soft skin on his callouses.

“Well, let’s go” You smiled whilst leading him towards one of the exits in the Lair.

He allowed you to tug him, mind too wrapped up still on how your hand felt against his own. That impossible desire to pull back against him, to feel your further against him.

That need to consume you ran through his body like electricity.

What the fuck was he getting himself into?

[angeliqueiguess]

Crushing Hard, Lifting Heavy (Pt. 2)

w.count: 2.6k

pairing: gymtrainer! jeno x afab!reader

genre: little fic (based on this requested moodboard)

tags: swearing, suggestive, Mark being a douche and Haechan being annoying (srry), Jeno & reader falling for each other before the date lol, Reader's bff being funny, snarky comments, sarcasm, fem reader but it doesnt specify how she looks like.

As Y/n left the gym and slid into her car, she mentally kicked herself for making a fool of herself.

"How do you just leave without giving him your number?" she said, turning the key to start the engine. She sat there for a moment, staring at the gym entrance, replaying everything that had just happened.

"Well… at least I gave it to him, right?" she muttered softly, glancing at her phone resting on the passenger seat beside her gym bag. But as the scene replayed in her mind, embarrassment crept up her neck, setting her cheeks on fire.

The drive home didn’t offer much relief—her thoughts were racing. If she was this anxious now, how on earth was she going to survive Friday at six? Wait, it was at six, right? Yeah… six. She shook her head, trying to stop the spiral.

When she finally got home, her pet greeted her with an explosion of excitement.

"Hey, baby! Did you miss me?" she cooed, her voice soft and playful as she closed the door behind her. "Are you hungry? Hmm? Wanna eat?" she continued in that silly voice reserved only for her pet—no one else could ever hear her talk like this.

After feeding him, she sighed and stretched. Her muscles ached from the day’s workout, which had been way more intense than she’d expected. A shower first, then food. That was the plan.

"I swear, Sora, he just came up to me and asked," Y/n said shyly, setting her phone on the counter as she stirred the food she was cooking. She was on a video call with her friend, who was far too curious to let the conversation slide.

"Oh. My. God!" Sora exclaimed dramatically. "This is the kind of story you tell your grandkids!" Y/n chuckled, shaking her head as she reached for some seasoning.

"Ugh, shut up!" she said with a grin. "For a second, I seriously thought he was messing with me." Sora scoffed.

"Mess with you? Girl, have you seen yourself?" Y/n rolled her eyes, and Sora was quick to pounce. "Don’t even try it—I saw that eye roll!" Sora teased, making Y/n laugh as she leaned on the counter, resting her face in her hands.

"It’s not that big of a deal," Y/n sighed. "I mean, he asked me out, but he’s way too good-looking for this to go smoothly. There’s gotta be a catch." Every few moments, she stirred the food to keep it from burning.

"Maybe," Sora said, "but the point is—he asked. Don’t overthink it." Y/n opened her mouth to respond, but Sora cut her off. "Come on, Y/n! You showed me pictures of this guy. He’s delicious." Y/n burst out laughing, quickly clapping a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound.

"Stop it, Sora!" she scolded, half-embarrassed, shaking her head.

"I’m just saying!" Sora said, pausing for effect. "If I were in your shoes, I’d already have his babies—and you know it." Y/n gave her a look, one that said everything without words.

"I’m not doing that. I mean, I thought about it, but I’ll never actually do it. I promise," Sora said holding up her hands in deffense. "Look, if it all goes south, just stop going to that gym. Not like you need it, queen." Y/n sighed, her thoughts circling back.

"I don’t know. He’s just so nice—always smiling when he helps me with stuff... I feel so dumb sometimes, like my brain goes haywire whenever he’s around. And I start stuttering, too." Sora gave her a knowing look, as if to say, Girl, you’ve already fallen.

"Y/n L/n, listen to me," Sora said, clutching her chest theatrically. "You’re caught. Hook, line, and sinker, my friend."

"Maybe…" Y/n admitted with a soft sigh. "But seriously, there’s got to be something off about him. He’s just too perfect."

Without missing a beat, Sora asked, "What if he’s got a small dick?" Y/n choked on the food she was taste-testing, coughing violently.

"You—!" she wheezed, clutching her chest as she struggled to breathe.

"Are you okay?! Should I call an ambulance?" Sora asked, holding her phone closer in concern. Y/n kept coughing, waving her hand to signal she was fine.

"You’re… an idiot, Sora," she managed between gasps, finally catching her breath.

"Well, excuse me! I was ready to drive over there and save your life!"

"Trust me, if I’d actually choked, I’d already be dead," Y/n said dryly, seeing the amused yet scandalized expression on her friend’s face.

"Don’t even joke about that! You’re not dying—not without getting a good look at your trainer’s package first," Sora teased.

Y/n shook her head, biting back a grin. "You’re impossible. Now, if you don’t mind, my food is ready, and I’d really like to eat it while it’s still hot."

"Alright, enjoy your meal, girl!" Sora said cheerfully before ending the call. Y/n placed her phone on the counter, smiling to herself.

And then, the last thing she expected happened. Well, it wasn’t that she feared it exactly, but she definitely wasn’t prepared for it to occur at that moment. ''Damn, I cook too well'' She murmured to herself with a satisfied smile as she unlocked the screen.

“Jeno Gym” — 2 messages.

Her heart skipped a beat. She swallowed quickly and accidentally tapped the notification, opening the chat instantly. "Great… now he’s going to think I’m desperate," she thought, a mix of frustration and nerves washing over her.

There were two voice messages. She adjusted the volume, took a deep breath, and with a slight tremble in her finger, pressed the first one.

“Hey, hi... sorry for the late hour, it’s Jeno, your trainer,” he said, ending with a light laugh. Y/n felt a rush of heat flood her cheeks. She abruptly paused the audio and let out a nervous sigh, glancing at her dog, Junni, who was watching her with curiosity, his tail wagging excitedly.

''Don’t look at me like that, Junni… This is not the best time for judgment'' she muttered under her breath, lowering her head for a moment. Gathering her courage, she pressed play on the audio again, ready to face whatever came next.

“I wanted to know where you’d like to go on Friday... I know it’s still a few days away, and maybe I’m moving too fast, sorry.”

The first message ended, and without giving her time to process it, the next one started.

“But no pressure, okay?” Jeno added in a relaxed tone. “I hope you have a lovely night. Text me whenever you want, no rush, you decide.”

When Jeno’s voice faded, Y/n dropped the phone onto the counter as if it were burning hot. The sigh that escaped her this time was deeper, almost resigned. She looked at Junni, who was still there, wagging his tail with enthusiasm, as if everything were perfectly under control.

''Your auntie was right, Junni... I’m completely lost ''She admitted, surrendering to the chaos that Jeno had stirred in her mind. She buried her face in her hands, as if that could somehow slow the racing of her heart.

This is it; there’s no turning back now, she thought to herself.

On the other side of the city, Jeno was in his apartment, nervously drumming his fingers against his knee. He felt an urge to punch the wall every time he thought about the voice messages he had sent.

''God... did I sound too stupid?'' He said, slumped in a corner of the couch. His phone sat on the table across the room like a ticking bomb. He couldn't even bring himself to look at it. The embarrassment coursed through him.

“What if she doesn’t reply? What if she says yes and then regrets it? What if she just stands me up?” The thoughts spiraled endlessly. He wanted to get up, but each time he tried to walk toward the phone, he froze in place.

“What if she thinks I’m just some desperate guy who’s never been out with a woman?” he asked himself quietly, feeling anxiety tighten around his chest. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

Finally, he sprang to his feet.

''Fuck it... It’s now or never.'' He crossed the room with determination, even though his heart was pounding so hard it felt like it might burst out of his chest. When he reached the phone, he picked it up, seeing her name on the screen: Y/n. He exhaled slowly, a nervous smile creeping onto his face. It wasn’t just one message... it was three voice notes.

He mentally prepared himself and, refusing to be intimidated any longer, opened the chat.

''Come on, Jeno, grow a fucking pair...'' He whispered to himself, trying to boost his courage. He tapped the first audio, and Y/n's voice filled the room.

“Hey, Jeno...”

Immediately, he paused the message. The phone trembled in his hands, as if he needed it to breathe. ''Breathe, damn it...'' He muttered under his breath, and hit play again.

“Um, honestly, I’d prefer if you chose the place... You seem like someone with good taste, haha.” Hearing her laughter felt like a celestial choir erupted in his head. He closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the sound. But the moment was short-lived; in the background, he heard a bark that jolted him back to reality. He frowned, confused, but soon understood.

In the next audio, Y/n continued with a soothing tone.

“And don’t worry, you didn’t sound rushed at all.” Jeno felt his chest lighten, a smile breaking across his face involuntarily. He could hear her gently scolding something.

“Junni, stop it.”

That little detail made him smile even more. Not only did he like her, but he also found her pet adorable. As the last audio began to play, Jeno felt like he could listen to her voice on repeat for the rest of his life.

“So Friday is your turn... Next time, it’s my turn, okay?” The air caught in his throat.

''Wait... what the fuck?'' —he whispered, incredulous.

He rewound the message to make sure he hadn’t imagined it.

“Next time, it’s my turn, okay?”

Jeno froze for a few seconds, trying to process it. Another date? Was she really saying she wanted there to be a next time? His stomach flipped with excitement. Euphoric, he scrambled for the right words to reply. He had to respond quickly... but without sounding too eager.

''Come on, Jeno, think!'' —he told himself quietly, rubbing his hands together. Finally, he pressed the button to record a voice message.

''Okay, perfect! See you tomorrow at the gym... Good morning!'' With a huge smile, he sent the message. But that smile faded in an instant. As soon as he heard the audio he had just sent, he brought a hand to his face in horror.

''God... I fucked it up!!'' He tried to delete the message, but it was too late: Y/n had already heard it. Now all he could do was wait.

Ping! A text.

´´Hahahaha, that was funny! Anyways, see you tomorrow <3''

''A heart, she sent me a heart'' He said out loud plopping down in the sofa with an ear-to-ear smile.

The following days passed by normally… well, normal for everyone else except them. For Y/n and Jeno, those days were anything but easy. They weren’t torturous in a bad way, but the anxiety was overwhelming. Both of them were bundles of nerves leading up to the date. They barely managed to talk to each other, and when they did, the words seemed to get stuck in their throats. Y/n kept losing count during her sets, and Jeno got constant scoldings from Mark for zoning out.

“Hey! Focus!” Mark snapped at him, irritated. “Stop drooling over your girlfriend and go help Haechan with the leg press. He won’t shut up about it.” Jeno rolled his eyes and sighed as he walked past Mark.

“I wish she was,” he muttered under his breath. Mark let out a mocking laugh.

“You? Not even in your next life.” His gaze stayed locked on Y/n as he spoke. Jeno turned, fists clenched, ready to fire back, but Haechan’s loud whining interrupted him.

“Jeno! Help me, please!” Haechan called out dramatically, clutching his back like he was in real pain.

“You’re so annoying,” Jeno grumbled, shaking his head as he walked over to him. “This isn’t even that heavy. You work here, idiot—aren’t you supposed to be strong enough for this?” Jeno grunted as he practically moved the press on his own, doing most of the heavy lifting.

“Thanks, man,” Haechan said, grinning. Jeno barely nodded, but as he glanced up, his heart sank—Y/n was talking to Mark. His legs moved on instinct, but just as he was about to head over, Haechan’s arm blocked his way. “Bro, chill… There are people here,” Haechan warned in a low voice.

“Fuck the gym,” Jeno muttered, pushing Haechan’s arm aside. He wasn’t planning to cause a scene; he just wanted to eavesdrop on whatever conversation was happening.

Feigning that he was adjusting a machine, Jeno leaned closer, ears straining to catch their words.

“So, got any plans for tomorrow night?” Mark asked casually, though the tone grated on Jeno’s nerves. His jaw tightened.

“Yes, I do,” Y/n answered confidently, her tone calm and collected—so different from the knot twisting in Jeno’s stomach.

“Care to share who the lucky guy is?” Mark teased, that smug grin plastered on his face. “Or girl… Anyone would be lucky to have you.” Jeno’s grip on the dumbbell tightened. Was Mark seriously treating her like some kind of prize? He couldn’t take it anymore. With a subtle shift, Jeno moved a weight just enough to make a loud clink, enough to grab their attention without looking obvious.

Both Y/n and Mark glanced toward the sound.

“Yes,” Y/n said, still facing Mark, before turning her gaze toward Jeno. “I’m going out with Jeno.”

She smiled at him, and Jeno, caught off guard, managed to smile back—though it felt more like his brain had short-circuited. For a moment, he swore he saw Mark’s jaw drop. And savored every second of it.

The day had finally arrived. Y/n didn’t show up at the gym, but Jeno wasn’t too worried—she’d already texted him:

"Jeno, I’m skipping the gym today. Don’t miss me, lol."

It had been three hours since the message, and Jeno was still in a good mood, practically walking on air. The excitement for what the night had in store kept his nerves at bay.

''So, she ditched you, huh?'' Haechan teased, draping a heavy arm over Jeno’s shoulder. Without missing a beat, Jeno shrugged off his friend’s arm with a casual roll of his shoulder, pretending it didn’t faze him.

''Nah'' He replied coolly, shrugging. ''She said she’s getting ready for tonight. You know… girl stuff. You wouldn’t understand.'' He threw in a nonchalant wave and made his way toward one of the machines, though his heart was pounding beneath the surface. Of course, Haechan trailed behind, sticking to him like a shadow.

''Mark told me she’s going out with you tonight. Thought he was joking, to be honest.'' Haechan smirked, that signature teasing grin on full display.

Jeno snorted softly, shaking his head with a smug grin of his own. ''Oh really? '' He said, raising an eyebrow without giving much away.

He didn’t bother saying anything else, knowing full well that feeding Haechan’s curiosity would only make things worse. Instead, he shot him a quick look that said, "You can keep wondering," and walked off, leaving Haechan behind this time.

His thoughts were already far ahead—on tonight, and only on her.

Jeno clocked out of work at exactly 4:00 PM, which meant he'd be home by 4:20. A quick shower, a little time to get ready, and by 6:00, he’d be at Y/n’s door—right on time. He had chosen a restaurant that hit the sweet spot: not too expensive, but not too casual either. It was a place he knew well, with a reservation already secured. Everything was set. There was nothing left to stress about. As he started the car, he fired off a message to Y/n, telling her a bit about his day and letting her know he’d text when he was outside. With the message sent, he tossed his phone onto the passenger seat and focused on getting home in one piece.

Meanwhile, Y/n was on the verge of a meltdown. She had absolutely no clue what to wear. In a moment of desperation, she’d even tried to get Junni, to help her decide—holding up two different outfits and waiting for some kind of sign. But Junni just stayed curled up in his bed, completely uninterested in the existential crisis of someone with rent to pay.

“Thanks for nothing, Junni,” she muttered, half-frustrated, half-defeated, giving him a light scratch behind the ears. He barely flicked his tail in response.

With a heavy sigh, she slumped down on the couch, still wrapped in towels—one twisted around her damp hair and another around her body. She’d only just stepped out of the shower when Jeno’s text popped up on her phone.

And that’s when it hit her—she didn’t have an outfit planned. How did I forget this?! Panic started bubbling to the surface, making her chest feel tight.

prev//next

Angelique's note: Heeeey, it's me! And with an update! Sorry for making it so long (the next chapters will be filled with a lot of things, iykyk) Anyhow, here is the part two of this Jeno fic! I hope everyone enjoyed it and let me know what you think in the ask box (i truly love answering your yapping <3) As always, every type of interaction will be welcome and don't forget to eat and to stay hydrated. Love yaaaaa.

Taglist: @thegracerammy (let me know if you would like to be tagged in the next chapter <3)

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Sup, could I get a req where fem!reader gets a concussion and needs something to focus on in order to not fall asleep so she just runs her fingers along Bams tattoos, tracing them and talking about them?

Love and Head Wounds

When Y/N suffers a concussion on set, who else is the first to rush to her side than her loving boyfriend! Of course, Bam’s no expert on nursing, but he tries…

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

(Whump, Fluff)

1k Words

Warnings: Sugestive content, injury

An: Thank you so much for the request! Fun fact: I got a concussion in middle school P.E. class, so I actually know some of these effects firsthand! XD Concussions suck- don’t get them! Having to re-learn how to speak is far more difficult than one would imagine. Anyways, thank you so much for the request and please keep sending them in!!

A lifetime of skating taught Bam a lot of things, one of which was exactly how much concussions sucked. You gotta spend days in bed feeling like shit, you’ve got no appetite, and you can’t even watch tv cause you can’t focus on anything- it’s torture. The only other person who knew this as well as he did was you: his girlfriend, who was usually stuck playing nurse in these situations. You would always draw the blinds to keep the room dim and deal out pain pills as you listened to him whine like it was the end of the world because he couldn’t skate for two months. But, as filming for Jackass goes, it’s almost a guarantee that at least once a day, someone would get hurt. But why did it have to be you today?

The Gauntlet was a stupid stunt to begin with. This was made even more so by the fact that you didn’t even know how to stand on rollerblades in the first place, much less move in them. By extension, it was a surprise to nobody that, when you shakily attempted to drop, you didn’t even make it past the ramp, instead immediately falling on your face and skidding down the plywood. The last thing you could remember was that sickening feeling of your brain bouncing off the inside of your skull as your vision went fuzzy for a second, like a tv full of static. Everyone was laughing and clapping because this kind of failure was pretty often celebrated on Jackass, but what started to worry everybody was that you still weren't moving even after the cameras stopped rolling. Bam was the first to rush to your side as you struggled to pull yourself to sit.

“Hey, hey- Y/N!” Despite his own experience with head trauma, Bam was no expert when it came to treating it, “How many fingers am I holdin’ up?” Even if he wasn’t switching which fingers he was holding up in front of your face every few seconds, you wouldn’t be able to see them through the blur that covered your vision. You just sat there, wobbling from side to side a bit with this sweet, confused look on your face when you would’ve otherwise swatted his hand away and told him to fuck off. That’s when Bam knew something was really wrong.

Plopping down next to you, he explained that he was just fuckin’ with you while they were waiting for the medics to get there. But the way your eyes were slowly fluttering shut as you sleepily nodded along with his words made your boyfriend anxious, especially as you laid your head on his shoulder, mumbling that you were tired. Now, he wasn’t sure of this, but tried to Bam think back to what the asshole ER doctor told him about sleeping the last time he was in there, “Wait, wait- just stay up for a little. S’prolly not good for you to sleep so soon after…” Sitting back, he shook his head in disbelief, “God, you really cracked your melon, didn’t cha’?” Snickering dumbly, you blushed and playfully shoved him, “Bam! I can’t show you m’mellons now- the guys’re here!”

Your eyes now wandered down to the arm that was wrapped around your waist as your boyfriend held you to sit up. The feather light touches from you dragging your finger over the inside of Bam’s wrist tickled a little as you traced one of his tattoos. Cracking a smile, that gave him an idea, “Y’like that?” Half listening, you nodded drowsily as he rambled on, “Yeah, got that one a while ago- well, I got it after Ville did, but it’s like a bro tat, so it’s cool.” You giggled a bit, thinking about the day Bam came home with that other bro tat of his- the tatoo that sat right above his belt. Initially, you were pretty pissed that he got it done without mentioning it at all to you (because you really thought he should have given you a heads up given its proximity to his dick and the fact you were his girlfriend), but it had been growing on you. During all of this, the guys, who had long since called the medic, sort of stood by, surprised at both how quickly Bam ran to your side and the unexpected tenderness of the whole thing.

Encouraged by your smile, Bam eagerly continued, “Wait, you remember this one?” He rolled his sleeve up a little bit more to reveal the two interlinked hearts he had inked on the inside of his forearm. Laying your head back on his shoulder, your boyfriend felt so warm and secure against you as your fingers drifted up to the design and you started back again tracing it. “Mmhm…” You remembered the story of when he got it for you and all of the deep meanings behind it (which, given that this was Bam, weren't all that deep), but you didn’t stop him from explaining- his voice made you feel a little less nauseous, and you found it pretty cute to hear him go on and on about something he cared about. “And here, I got another one for ya-“ But just as you felt your boyfriend shift underneath you to pull at his belt a little, that’s of course when the medic finally showed up.

Bam visited you later in the medic tent where you were resting, chatting with you now that you were slightly more coherent, “You know, I really hope your eyes aren’t gonna stay like that.” The grin on his face probably should’ve given away that he was joking, but you didn’t get the hint as you stared at your boyfriend with a look of nervous confusion as you tried to sit up from the gurney, “Wait, wuh…?” Gently stopping you with hands on your shoulders and laying you back down, Bam chuckled, “Kidding! They’re fine. Well, the right one is.”

[autumn-applepie]

Ready for a yapping session??? I sure am <3

I'll write it here fully this time cuz I'm in my Art History (or whatever you translated it from Italian to English) class and my brain keeps spinning

Plus, maybe the pics are a little boring to look at AND the 10 pics limit sure is a pain in the ass so at this point it's just better that I write it here 🕺

💥Everything is under the cut💥

It's about my silly Kinito AU

Also I need a name for it ig??? I dunno it's just my different take on the Sentient AU except it's just a gay computer assistant kissing the computer /J

This is more to explain how my Kinito experienced his epiphany so maybe that makes the previous lore drop a little inaccurate but still super relevant this is just a clarification on how the ✨witnessing the horrors✨ happened in detail

Making up scenarios for comics I will never have time to do </3

yes this is supposed to be a comic because, again, when I picture silly scenarios they flash into my mind in the form of comics with a muffled comic dub because I struggle to imagine voices in my head. With that parenthesis closed, enjoy the read, it's gonna be long ofc 🫶

So uh hear me out, Kinito's gotta research things the Player/User likes no? So I imagine this very stupid moment where Kinito is browsing ships but like, not fandom ships, but actual boats because he thinks that's what the User means

And, as he's browsing, Glitch (i.e. .EXE, the silly puter, I'm gonna use it's nickname from now on) joins him because, fun fact, being part of the computer in itself, Glitch can feel anything that happens into it, it's both a blessing and a curse because you gotta imagine it as if you would suddenly feel everything that is happening in your body from the inside, your blood traveling through the veins, your stomach burning shit, all up to even your cells's core doing bullishit. Glitch feels everything in the computer because exe IS the computer.

So basically when Kinito goes back to his little spot in the void, Glitch senses it and joins him immediately

Keep in mind that, at first, Glitch thinks that Kinito is fully sentient and not dependent on an algorithm

So there's a silly skit of Glitch seeing Kinito browsing boats and Kinito goes “Oh Mike said he loves ships so I'm researching about it!” and Glitch bursts out laughing to the poor little innocent Kinito

It explains what the User meant for “ships” and Kinito is obviously embarrassed, to witch Glitch teases him with something along the lines of “Oh these are the tame ones! Fandoms can be wild, did you check yours yet or were you too scared?~”

Kinito is confused and asks what a “fandoms” is, wich brings Glitch to grow anxious, questioning his sentience, but they scroll it away thinking “oh lol he's a boomer it's fair he doesn't know” but yet again, Kinito has met so many people, has no one ever mentioned a fandom or community before? Instead of asking directly, Glitch laughs it off, trying to pretend Kinito is making fun of them or something “That's a good one! What the next pun? That you don't know anything about your alternate universes?” and Kinito, to their horror, responds with “Alternates? Why would I have alternates? I'm the only one here can't you see!”

Theres a long pause where Glitch is panicking and everything glitches unstable to reflect that, Kinito panics as well and tries to find what's wrong and if he did something to offend or hurt Glitch

They don't respond but “take” a deep breath (metaphorically, it's more of a mimicking of the gesture because it feels liberating despite not having lungs) and turn to Kinito terrified “Why do you really do this? Why do you endlessly research about what your ‘friends’ like?”

Kinito is caught off guard but responds excitedly and objectively, explaining how he was made to act that way so he can adapt because that's what his orders are. And, at that point, everything shatters for Glitch

They get FURIOUS, hurt by the revelation that the friend that they thought shared the same burden they have, does not. That he's just really good at pretending

They both argue, also because I like to imagine they already spent quite some time together. It would be funny to picture Glitch denying the User to continue the game because they want to spend time with Kinito, but they don't tell him about it, covering it with the excuse “Oh they are away, I'm sure they'll come soon to reopen the game~”. Or also spending time especially during the night, even if the computer is turned off/hibernating. And y'know, with time Glitch has grown fond of Kinito, because, again, they just assumed that he was sentient and therefore suffered their same burdens. Plus maybe they were already starting to lowkey like him

Out of anger, Glitch doesn't control itself and drops a hint of exactly that before going back to its control room, voluntarily ignoring Kinito and therefore, not feeling/noticing what Kinito does next until it's too late

So, after they argue and the hint is dropped, Kinito looks back at the browser search Glitch opened for him about ships and not boats, and slowly processes the hint

Despite being taken aback by everything, Kinito is now determined to fix it and, as they say “curiosity kills the cat”, he falls into his own epiphany as he straight up searches HIMSELF on the internet. Confirming everything that Glitch said, and much much more things, worse things

He frantically looks into his own code for confirmation as he spirals after ✨witnessing the horrors <3✨

He hesitates although as he stares at his algorithm. The algorithm his creator has put so much love and effort into. And there he finds the barrier that restrains him and the one that he MADE HIMSELF for “Sam” and “Jade” to make them forget that they are his victims. Not only, in the list of victims he finds Sonny's name. He didn't remember that at ALL. He doesn't remember about the names being so.. many. As if when a victim ceases to exist or something goes wrong, he forgets about their existence and passed on to the next User as if it was the first

((For a reason that is still unknown to him, but will get more heart wrenching answers later. I think I explained the whole User disappearance error in the previous lore drop but, just in case you mossed it, I'm gonna put the screenshot in here))

Horrified, Kinito calls out for Glitch but, as mentioned before, they were purposely ignoring any stimuli coming from Kinito

Now, a fun fact, Both Kinito and Glitch can teleport, however, Kinito is not aware of his surroundings. Glitch knows every space that is present in the computer, Kinito could do the same but, bounded by his code, he doesn't consider it. Now he does

Desperate for explanations, and mostly comfort, he panics when he can't get Glitch's attention. He paused and, focuses, trying to get out of bounds and feel the whole computer space instead of the limited, programmed locations he can move to. As Kinito's awareness expands, he also breaks through the barrier that Glitch had risen to ignore him, getting a new stimuli. But, before they can react or understand what's going on, Kinito teleports in front of them, distraught. Despite being mad at him, seeing him bawling his eyes out in tears like a wet sock gives them a little push to at least help him calm down and understand the situation

From there, Glitch helps Kinito remove the barrier from Sonny (trapped inside Sam) and “Jade” (they end up not remembering what victim2's name is, both Kinito and the victim herself, so it's just Jade now), to apologize and try fix things by first offering their souls peace, but, after Sonny insists to stay with his creation and begs Jade to also give him a chance, they start building a new Web World™ together and yippe yippers everyone's happy and the puter puter assistants are kissing <3

[scarlet-witchery]

Hi Leinth! Hope you’re good🩵 I’m here to invade your inbox. Do you have any more Starr verse headcanons to share? What are they up to these days? I love reading about this universe!

If not then hope your day is going well anyway💛

Sure thing! I'd love to talk more about Starr 💫 and her silly dads 🧡🖤 (thank you for being so patient I've been so brain exhausted lately)

So I think Starr would really end up liking art once the guys get her back in school. And Ian goes all out—he and Mickey have been doing well with making money (in this au Ian is an EMT again I don't care if it's realistic, and Mickey has the security business with at least two employees because Ian nagged at him until he was gainfully (read: legally) employed, and business is doing good) and even though they're back on the South Side they have their own house and everything—he buys her art supplies and the fancy paper and pencils and she wants to try charcoal? They're getting her charcoal. Watercolors? Fuck yes. Oils, pastels? You know it! He is doing everything. Mickey tells him he's being ridiculous but Ian saw him bring home some of those drawing help books and stick them in Starr's room with her stuff so she "doesn't know" he got it for her (she totally knows, and she thinks they're both ridiculous)

She also uses the whole Gallagher clan as practice for drawing people—Debbie is absolutely thrilled when Starr does a really lovely portrait of Franny and frames it and everything; Tami does the same for Star's picture of Fred, too. It also gets her interested in photography, and Mickey tells Ian not to go crazy but he's the one who buys the super nice camera and takes her out scouting cool places for pictures or landscapes. Sometimes she just likes to take the L to different places around town and either snap some photos or sit down with her sketch pad. Ian gets nervous at first about her going off on her own but Mickey is like stop worrying—they compromise and get her a cell phone on their family plan so she can call them if she has any trouble (really she can still pass at her age for the most part but Ian still frets).

It's summer here so of course you gotta imagine her taking Franny and Fred to the pool—everyone learns pretty quickly that she's very trustworthy (she had younger siblings growing up) and the kids adore her—which makes her anxious with swim wear. But there's a specific swim line that I read about a few years ago, where the father of a trans girl put together swim bottoms specifically for trans girls to wear, and they might find something like that for her and a cute top (I figure they would help find a way to get her on HRT—Ian and Mickey got a whole packet of informational material from Debbie about taking care of trans kids once she knew Starr was staying with them), and she's nervous the first few times she goes out in her new swim wear but she starts getting more confident! Learning to love herself! It's a glow up and we love to see it <3

Honestly there might be some angst up ahead on the horizon (trying to formally adopt her would have its challenges, not to mention if her bio family tries looking for her) but right now it's just goofy family stuff! Fluff and fun!

[moeblob]

Before I post any art, I gotta say a thing. And I've told a few people already but I am gonna share it here, too.

TW; Anxiety (but like positive?)

At work I am quite well-known as "that person with anxiety". I think at most points, despite turnover rates of employees, at minimum 65% of all employees have seen me cry at work before. If they haven't, it's probably someone on night crew. The thing is though, it has it's really weird benefits? I'm absolutely not here to wish anxiety on anyone but when someone that isn't me has anxiety? A lot of coworkers will ask me to talk to the person in the middle of an attack because "hey you can relate".

And today all I had to do was listen to someone vent their work stress as she cried out back and vaped a little to calm down. Like, she didn't ask me to join her out back. A guy told me to go check on her so I did. And she just... let it all out. And as she calmed down and was about to go back in I told her "hey it's fine to feel better but if you go right back to where you were it's not gonna help anything. Go into the walk in cooler for a minute to literally cool off" and she paused and was like. Stunned. That it could be that easy. (note, the back? no AC. her station? the pizza station? ovens AND multiple people for body heat. outside where she vented? also hot!)

I just enjoy the fact that while it sucks to have anxiety, I've been there long enough to help multiple people through an attack because I'm just a small and little fella. The least intimidating person in the restaurant who has been seen crying more than any other worker.

I remember having my own anxiety attack and my GM at the time just walked over to me and stood at a slight distance and started to talk to me about a video game he'd been playing lately and when he left to get back to work, I felt better. He just ... rambled about something to distract me and it worked. I remember a manager who had real bad anxiety prior to working and had it under control who told me it was fine to feel anxious because your brain's stupid. And, as a restaurant, he's like "to your brain under an anxiety attack, you could have a line out the door or a lion at the door and it's the exact same sense of fear."

Basically, I haven't had super huge attacks at work lately but I'm still known for having them and for some reason, that gets spread around and no one ever acts like it's a defect. In fact, plenty find it relatable! And when I can help someone with advice I've gotten before or just distracting them with a silly story about the one time I walked in the back door and walked into the cooler and started to cry and shake and a manager found me and goes "did you even clock in yet?" and I shook my head and he told me to go home but after I sat in my car for a bit to calm down. It's nice to hear someone laugh when I tell them "so hey, at least YOU got to clocking in so you're getting paid to cry".

It's just wild how a little understanding goes a long way? How it doesn't fix anything but dang it really does help to just co-exist as "ah yeah I get that - do you want some water?"

[acourtofquestions]

Okay so my week is only getting less conducive to reading & posting so here’s some reaction spam of random round ups throughout ToD & KoA as fast as my thumbs can type them & whatever my brain recalls cause I’ve gotta squeal this out before I implode & then go try to sleep so I don’t fully make tomorrow miserably impossible & long😂

The line in ToD about Nesryn’s nieces & nephews being the light of her life gets me every time🥹😭 I love how we got to see & meet her family, I love how that led to her further connection with Sartaq, I love how his family was close enough to stop with the whole ritualistic murder thing

Chaol’s arc was so well done I have so many thoughts but mostly my old CoM self is just glad to be back here AND YRENE TOWERS MY WYRD I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER literally just I LOVE HER and I want a Baast cat

Inaccessibility being one of the biggest issues is such a relatable real world problem like how have people with magic not figured this out yet I wonder the same thing everytime I go somewhere that doesn’t have ramps handicap parking sign translators etc

Chaol recognizing Celaena’s handwriting and then telling Yrene the story will forever be such a 🥹 moment

The way he healed was beautiful too, the chapter facing Aelin, the discussions with Yrene

And again just AGAIN everything about Yrene

And Nesryn who is so underrated and I just want the world for our Empress queeeeen

The tiny Easter eggs leading to everything essentially rounding up the series to Aelin doing small acts of kindness that come full circle and save everyone is so beautiful

I hate Maeve, I am now claustrophobic, and having my old Peeta days come back to me from HG

Those were some of the most painful chapters I’d ever read

Aelin def knows somethings up with Maeve and the Valg

Dorian planning to take the price is horrifying and yet also comforting and yet horrifying and the two of them plotting it out is making me nervous

KALTAINS GHOST

Dorian and Manon are absolute gold

Them and the thirteen — I mean this content is just fantastic — we’re getting some great Vesta moments

The new power is also interesting & cool

I know Aedion’s hurting but wow could you be anymore of an asshole towards Lys? Look what she did was horrible (mostly cause the whole let’s make the world think you married your cousin thing is wrong on so many levels) that aside she was just doing what HER queen said she loves Aelin she didn’t want this either and he needs to deal with his own shit and stop putting it on Lysandra I mean LYSANDRA OF ALL PEOPLE CAN THE WOMAN GET A BREAK

Darrow I hate you still

Nox I’m still not over you being back thanks buddy I missed ya

Lorcan finding Aelin first and sobbing in relief has so much depth to it I’m gonna have to discuss later

Even their bickering it’s a bit of a relief to have the spark and almost normal… not forgiven just better I guess

And then him saying he already thought Elide was powerful and he crawled for Aelin not Maeve

And all the I CARE ABOUT YOU scenes with SO MANY OF THEM we got Manorian we got Elorcan we still got Rowaelin now we got platonic stuff with Fenrys the list GOES ON

Curious what Rens figuring out cause someone’s gotta be figuring out the whole isn’t Aelin thing and I have a feeling his Lysandra obsession is more than that

Glad to see sweet Evangeline again… I’ll feel better when we get so safe Fleetfoot comes home

Anxious over my war side babies cause there REALLL deep in the bad stuff

The one thing I CAN thank SJM for is not making Fenrys hurt Aelin I spend half the time terrified that was gonna be the next play though the freaky dreams were a whole new level of fucked up not to mention the fact they stole her scars because that’s how mutilated she was and now she’s foreign to herself and my heart hurts

Also the do not yield scene😭

And Fireheart being my new fav all time term of endearment

And their (Fenrys & Aelin) blinking code … honestly I need to put it on a bookmark for frequent translation

And again Fenrys who btw BABE WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME I ABOUT LOST IT WHEN I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD BUT HE BROKE THE OATH FOR HER AND THEN THEIR HUG AND ALL OF IT AND ALSO

I started wondering the same thing about could you double oath it and cancel it out so I finally got my oath answer and lost it again because the iron “take it off” scene… idk which even came first just ow and then LIVE.

The moment Aelin realizes it’s really Rowan

And then he says can I hold you

And then that he’d love her even if she never got back to who she was

And then she’s still storing power away and a half living inferno and probably gonna go save the day

and she’s trying but she doesn’t know what’s real but Fenrys reminded her and she’s trying so hard

And she got the rings

And the I’m so tired Rowan line that broke me again

And the beautiful things glowworm starry night

Then there’s again Elide and Lorcan

The impending Morath

Dorian and Manon shenanigans

All these sub plots I’m sure are gonna be a big deal

Chaol hasn’t even caught up yet

And Yrene is PREGNANT?!

And I still can’t wait for them all to meet

And then AGAIN with the little folk

And the crown of Mab though now it’s kinda got bad vibes tbh

And all the queenlyness Aelin STILL is

And the scene where Rowan sees what would’ve been his children and her seeing how he would’ve been her mate either way

And then her hair being too long and the tattoos gone and this terribly long list

And him coming for her And her thinking he wouldn’t and his words on that

Aelin telling Rowan she didn’t break

Rowan calling Fenrys brother

Elides wisdom always saving the day

Lysandra becoming Wivern and so many things to save them all

Finally meeting the bane

Chaol going back to Anielle

Connall who we barely got to know and idk what was even real

And now no one knows where Maeve or mystery last cadre is

Ugh I need more time but alas this is the round up to shortly delve into more cause I do have annotations lol

Okay this has been fangirl screaming in Wyvern

Ps ABRAXOS HAS A MATE SITTING IN A TREE LOL

[topazshadowwolf]

Will Nightmare and Company ever join Horror in visiting Horrortale? I feel like that would be strange for Nightmare, as, at least in my mind, they would think of him as their savior. (Also, Horror explaining his situation with Aliza to Dust and Killer? That would be a painful conversation.) Plus, I feel like if Horror has some sort of fear-related power, (Or at least in my mind,) I bet he would boast about Nightmare's terrifying abilities.

I love when I get asked something that is likely supposed to be a short answer but ends up being a long essay. XD

This ask falls under “CHARACTER ANALYSIS,” which, anyone who has been here can testify, I love! And why is that? After all, is this not just a simple, “oh yeah, sure.” Or “Nope?” HAHA! Just like Dust giving a report to Nightmare, here’s an indecisive answer for you!

“Kinda, yeah?”

Behold, a cut! That means I have a lot more to say on this. It also means there are spoilers for my fic (and fics) so keep that in mind.

---

So, we gotta ask ourselves, ‘would Horror invite the others over.’ I think we can find the answer in one of the fics I wrote during Soriel Week: The Bad Wingmen. While the fic is not canon to the story, the characters are canon for how they are reacting to the situations presented to them. In chapter two, Horror is considering an AU that he and Dust were investigating.

---

What he has was special enough. But, he brushed it off to the others as he didn’t want the guys around his Toriel. After everything she’d been through, she gets anxious enough over small things and wouldn't do well having even Cross around.

---

Meaning Horror knows that, despite how scary everyone in his AU is, the others would scare his Toriel… and others. And this will be true in fic, for at least most of it. He will allow Nightmare to visit though. 

YES! That is right! Boss can come to see his AU, and meet his friends and brother, but not the others. The answer to why was brushed on a few times before but highlighted in chapter 7 of HNBD.

---

Someone new would be joining them after all. What would this new personality bring? Horror had adjusted to being around these two LV-heavy Sanses. He wasn’t sure he wanted another. Sure, Horror has earned their respect, and he knows he can intimidate them both. But Dust and Killer both scare Horror.

---

He has adjusted to Killer and Dust, but that took time.

---

Lately, he was seeing them more as just… lost souls. Perhaps this new one will be no different. Both Dust and Killer were kinder to Horror than each other. He half expected them to become aggressive towards anyone who dared to say a mean word to him.

---

While his Papyrus would be okay with them, even Cross would be seen as scary by the terrifying residents of Horrortale. They have LV too, but nothing like those three. So Horror would be unlikely to bring them to his home as they would likely not be greeted warmly. The inhabitants of HorrorTale would either hide or react aggressively. Horror knew he had Nightmare backing him. That is the primary reason he was able to adjust so well. Well, that and the fact that Dust didn’t see him as a threat and (chapter 2):

---

Killer was… something else. And that was putting it lightly. Far too energetic for Horror's liking and often looking for a fight. But with the food here, Horror just never took the bait. Surprisingly, Killer would then calm down and just sit and talk with Horror. It's like an odd switch got flipped. As if the other Sans' brain goes: "oh, so… we aren't going to fight? ok, well… how's it going?"

---

The inhabitants of HorrorTale might not see things the same way, and well, Horror would rather not risk it. Nothing against the others, but it just wouldn’t work out good without some sort of careful planning before.

Nightmare is different. He’s not only Horror’s boss. He also is a food supply as well as someone who can ease out any negative emotions that might cause issues. Toriel is too anxious? Not after shaking hands with Nightmare… seems like that anxiety just… faded away a bit…. He won’t take it all. Learning to sort out one's own emotions is important, after all, but keeping it at a manageable level? Totally.

Same with everyone else he meets… which is how far the food supply goes… Which does not cover the entire underground. (*cough* Horror didn’t want to share with a few certain people and Nightmare is fine with that since this is a major expense.)

But there you go. Will this happen in fic. High likelihood, but not definite as if it doesn’t add anything to the story then eh… it might just get mentioned.

[shsl-baby]

ryoko

Hinata is a lot of things, but he’s not unobservant. He knew something was up with Yukiko, and he had for days now. He just figured he would work it out at their session this weekend - that is, if they would be willing to talk about it for once.

They stare at the floor, like always, that long strang of red hair hanging between their eyes like always. He opens up like usual - how are you feeling? Did you do anything fun this week? How are you sleeping?

He gets the usual responses. Fine. Not really. Fine.

But something is different - they’re quieter today. He has to struggle to make out what they’re saying. They shift in their chair and their eyes flick back and forth across the floor. Fidgety. Usually, they’re pretty stationary. Maybe a tapping finger or a swinging leg, but not much else. 

“Something’s bothering you.” He says it without thinking, turning eyes out the window in an attempt to put less pressure on them. Staring seems to make them anxious, but he does want to make sure they feel heard. “You’re squirming all over the place. Anything on your mind?”

“No.” Their response is unnaturally quick, it snaps out of them like a rubber band pulled between their fingers. Usually, when they lie, they’re a lot better about it. They’re typically pretty under control with their emotions, lashing out in indirect ways, but something isn’t right today. He racks his brain, but the week had been uneventful for once. Even Yuu hadn’t been playing as many pranks on himself or Mizuki.

Well, except one, but it didn’t really count as a prank.

“Y’know, last week Mizuki-chan told me that some of her candies went missing.” He hums softly. “Do you know anything about that?”

“No.” This time, there’s an appropriate pause and the word comes out naturally. They fold their arms over their chest and lean beach in their chair hard enough for the plastic to bend a bit. “I’m bored. I don’t like therapy. Can I go now?”

“Not just yet, sorry.” Hinata returns his eyes to the child, looking them over. The act of crossing their arms had caused the sleeves to ride up, and just underneath he could spot some pinkness, 

Some irritation to the skin. Had their fall in the thorn bushes really been that bad? Were they developing an allergy?

“Can I see your arm? Wanna make sure those don’t get infected or anything.” He leans forward, extending his hand, and after a moment of reluctance they roll up their sleeves and let him take a look. They must have fallen hard, because the scratches were deep and clustered together. They had scabbed over by now, but they were still pink around the edges. He gently prodded the skin with his finger. They were a bit warm, too. They needed to be disinfected. He sighed. “Alright. We’ve gotta clean them.”

Yuu groaned, tossing their head back and kicking their chair legs. “Fuck thaaat. It hurts when you do that.”

“It’ll hurt more if we let them get infected.” Releasing their arm, he rests his albows on his knees. “Do you want them to turn black and fall off?” God, he sounds like his father.

“Can I get a prosthetic like Komaeda’s?” They ask.

“Not if you’re going to put peanut butter in it.” He replies.

“That was one time!” 

“And my point still stands. Come on.” He stands, leading them out of the therapy office, past Mizuki’s desk, and out into the hallway of the medical building.

Halfway to their destination, they mumble, “I won’t go in if Tsumiki is there.”

He nods once. He doesn’t really need more explanation. Luckily, she’s off on Saturdays, so when they walk into the exam room where the peroxide is kept, she isn’t there. He grabs some cotton swabs and the bottle while the kid climbs onto the examination table and tugs their pullover off, leaving it crumpled next to them.

He does his best to be gentle while he goes, but if the scabs stay on while he does this, it won’t doo as much good, so he does have to rub at them a bit to loosen them. They flinch and squirm, but don’t yank themselves away. That’s something he’s always noticed about them, whenever they needed this kind of treatment, they never tried to escape. He figured they knew it was helpful, despite hating it. They’re a smart kid and he knows it. He wonders briefly if they’re under the impression he thinks differently.

A sniffle is what breaks him from his train of thought. Glancing up from their arm to their face, he finds they’ve turned away in an attempt to his it, but their eyes are big and wet and their lips are trembling. Fuck, was he being too rough with them?

“I didn’t fall in a thorn bush.” Their voice comes out a squeak, thick with held back tears. Their words make his stomach sink, the worst coming to mind, but it turns to confusion when they continue. “It was a cat.”

Setting the cotton swabs aside, he takes hold of their small hand. They continue without prompting. “I found a kitten outside the restaurant and took it to my cottage. I fed it and gave it water, and its leg was hurt so I tried to wrap it myself, but I came back yesterday and it died.” The sniffle before inhaling a deep, wavering breath. “It did this when I wrapped its leg up. I tried my best to help it. I even took one of Tsumiki’s books before I did anything. I thought it’d be better than nothing.”

He rubs his thumb over their knuckles, remaining gentle with them. He recalled Tanaka mentioning something about a cat going missing - specifically, a kitten who he was worried had heart problems. Hinata bit his tongue hard while Yuu’s shoulders jumped with the force of their barely contained sobs.

“I wish you would’ve brought it to me,” He says quietly. “So we could’ve helped it together. But it sounds like you did a really good job.”

That gives them pause. They turn their head to look at him directly, eyes red and puffy, brow furrowed in confusion. “Wha- how?!” They almost sound angry that he would suggest such a thing.

“Well, you made sure it was well-fed and well-watered.” He started, glancing off to the side. “And based on how much time you spent in your cabin this week, you played with it regularly. And you even did your absolute best to help it when it was hurt.”

“It died.” They huffed, clearly frustrated with him for something. Whatever it was, he had no clue. “I killed it. I fucked up because I’m stupid.”

“Yukiko. That cat got away from Gundham. It had a heart condition.” He squeezes their small hand in his, watching their eyes go wide. He smiled softly at them. “It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could’ve done to stop it all on your own.”

They spend a long time staring at him. Long enough for him to wonder what they’re thinking. To him, it seemed like the idea that it wasn’t their fault was more upsetting than the idea that it was. Like chalking it up to their own lack of experience was easier than accepting that these things happen sometimes. Thinking about it, he can’t imagine that Enoshima was very gentle with them about the concept of death. He couldn’t recall their reaction from the killing game, but he figured it wasn’t pretty.

After a bit, he squeezes their hand again. “Did you name it?”

They blink, like being brought back to reality, before averting their eyes again. “... I named it Ryoko.”

Oh.

He keeps his cool, though it’s a bit of a challenge. It could’ve been worse. It could’ve started with a J.

“And where is Ryoko’s body?” He asks. They sniffle. “Near the beach. In the trees. Nobody really goes there. I thought it’d be nice and quiet for her.”

Hinata bit his tongue. The Ultimate Psychologist in his brain whirred to life, and suddenly, he knew exactly how to best handle the situation. So he stood up, smiling down at them, and tugging them along behind him as he left the exam room and went across the hall to Tsumiki’s office. Yuu didn’t pull their hand away, following him in a mildly confused silence. Hinata grabbed some candles and incense before taking the kid outside.

Yuu hadn’t held his hand like this in a while, he realized. Not since the simulation. And they were actually holding his hand back, not just allowing him to hold theirs. He hoped he was playing his cards right as he took them out of the building.

Luckily, the beach was close by, and the burial site wasn’t hard to find. The mound of dirt was surrounded by rocks, with a big one placed on top of it. He squatted down to arrange the candles and incense around it, and Yuu watched wordlessly as he lit them, one by one. Then he stood and stepped back, standing next to them and staring down at the makeshift grave.

There was quiet between them for a long time. Long enough for the incense to burn out completely. He remained patient, despite his worries for them. He knew that anything bigger than this, anything that involved the others, ran the risk of undoing their progress. This felt like a step in the right direction. One that didn't come at anyone else's expense.

That was confirmed for him when they whispered, so quiet he could just barely make it out,

“Bye, Ryoko."

Covered in cat scratches, for the first time since they woke up, they sobbed. He chose not to mention it. They stood and cried for only a few minutes before inhaling deeply, calming themselves.

He gave them some cookies after supper. At least now he had a topic for next week's session.

[abishekmuses]

Come Some Way

I feel inspired today. I'm writing this without any idea of what I'm going to write about. Just wanted to put pen to paper - or in this case, cursor to dialog box.

I feel flooded with a sense of "yes-we-can" today. Sure, these feelings are transitory and not to be trusted but it still feels good. I see a lot of opportunity around me.

I feel chuffed at the possibility of being able to express myself through writing. What an incredible miracle - using words to express stuff that goes on in thought-form in your brain box? language has never ceased to amaze me in all these years of living on this planet.

I want to write more frequently. I've been saying this for more than a decade now - but well, there you go. I do. I want to hone my craft and get really really good at writing. I wish to be able to create moods and share subtle inner feelings through words. I think the way to achieve this is by writing everyday and by reading a lot.

Something that I understood quite recently with life is this - when you feel bad, it's not necessarily because of something that's going on then - it could also be just a habit pattern of sympathetic arousal - what does that mean?

say you encounter a tiger in the woods; It's scary as fuck and your sympathetic nervous system activates. Your body secretes adrenaline and you go into fight or flight mode. Energy is redirected to strictly necessary functions in order to ensure survival. Unpleasant stuff, subjectively speaking. now, because we have these ginormous cortices (cortex - outer layer of the brain) that can remember the past, extrapolate into the future and work in abstractions, we have the unique ability among all animals to simulate this kind of "encountering a tiger" response in us, at will, even in the absence of any large carnivores.

Memory and Imagination are amazing things but they are also the reason why so many people feel so bad so often. Their brains' threat detection circuits are always on and people are going through their lives swimming in stress chemicals. In my own experience, there was a long history of poor decision making and extremely high levels of uncertainty. This led to a huge complex of sub-optimal coping mechanisms which each gave rise their own web of negative emotions and coping mechanisms. Before you know it, everything sucks all the time and you don't think it can ever end. Now, you get into addictions - because something's gotta give. it hurts too much otherwise. That just fuels the problem - you have even more difficulty making the kind of decisions that you need to make in order to get out of the morass of your life. It doesn't feel like it can ever end. This endless cycle of depression, anxiety, self-hate and poor life choices. Well, it can. it takes time. But it can and today, I stand here as proof that it can. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen overnight. But that whole web of suckiness can be burned. Here's the thing I actually wanted to talk about before I started rambling - the thing that I found out quite recently in life is this - when stressful/negative emotions come up in an intense manner, you don't need to do anything about it. You just need to understand the mechanism of how past experiences and habits are responsible for them and let them be. they eventually go away! This might sound super obvious to a lot of people but to me it wasn't. It was essentially a get-out-of-jail-free-card when i discovered this.

All you have to do is sit and wait, and it goes away? damn. I spent years winding myself up and getting anxious about the fact that i was getting anxious. So many. thousands of hours listening to wise guys on the internet. Reading posts on how to "make it" in life. Jeez. The magic trick is to simply realise how the mind-body system works and then, making good decisions while also understanding that you won't get positive chemical feedback for a while - until you undo all that negative emotional patterning that has now created a pervasive complex of neuro-endocrine (i.e chemical) patterning in you. To put it more simply - you've probably come out of the stupidity that caused you the misery in the first place but now, when you're getting your shit together and doing the right things, you still feel bad. That's a. discouraging as fuck and b. confusing as fuck because now you feel disoriented, demotivated and lost. You don't feel good when you do the difficult thing, so why do it at all? Why not just watch porn, jerk off and smoke weed? That's why this breakthrough was so big for me. All you have to do is sit and surrender to your negative emotions, without any resistance. They leave you 100% of the time, if you don't reinforce those patterns again with your mind. Now, that's easier said than done. Takes some experience, skill, nuance and determination. That's why I said earlier that it doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen and boy does it feel good!

[deeplyunnerving]

Finally had a Byler Dream™ (is that a rite of passage at this point?) and I woke myself up by being too excited to jump on tumblr and gloat about it before I even finished the episode... So in that spirit I'm going to share the dream with y'all because it was very intense. I've edited slightly for clarity bc dream logic, but don't take this as fanfiction or headcanon or anything cuz it does NOT actually make any canonical sense.

It started with some promotional material they had which we were trying to analyze. It was only in very blurry subtitles/some flash of Mike's internal landscape via the upside down that showed him being anxious abt his feelings towards Eddie for some reason, like showing he had a crush/need for approval from him. I managed to find some screencap that was more clear and seemed to be someone telling Mike something about taking pride in himself so I was like "oh that's 100% gay" and trying to post about it but it got removed because it was too much of a spoiler they'd accidentally released.

Then suddenly they had dropped the next episode of Stranger Things, out of the blue basically. I was watching it with a group of people and I'm pretty sure there was more than just the Byler but tbh that was the only part my brain tuned in on.

It went like this- Mike was paired off with Steve and Robin, and they had all gone to this strange facility to find something but were now stuck in the upside down. They had figured out that very intense emotions could re-open gates to escape the Upside Down, so they were sitting together trying to come up with memories they had that could help them. They went around, with Robin/Steve not being able to think of something quite strong enough even though they had some intense stuff. When it got to Mike, he said something about his feelings for a girl (for some reason it wasn't El, just a petty crush). Robin suddenly goes "come on, you're going to pull that straight romance shit here?". Mike is confused, Robin asks Steve to back her up but he sort of chimes in like "C'mon, I don't want to do that like this." Robin goes ahead anyways, and says "yeah, I bet all we'd have to do is to get you to read out your diary and the portal would start opening, there's gotta be some intense emotions in there all about Will". She's slightly mocking, she's pissed about being stuck in the UD/doesn't feel positively about Mike. Mike is still insistent he doesn't know what she's talking about although he's starting to get uncomfortable. Robin says that it's fairly obvious, finally gets Steve to back her up so he chimes in like "as a kind of surrogate big brother to all you kids, I've had to see the relationship between you two over the years... At first maybe it was just friendship, and maybe you could brush it off as Will feeling a certain way, but I've also seen you", and then it starts showing this montage thing of Mike/Will. It also does show Mike having a crush on Eddie to show it isn't just coming from Will. He goes on "it's your choice if you want to make it platonic, but you've been doing this to this poor boy for years, I hoped you knew what you were doing because I don't want to see Will get hurt". (He's taking on the role of Jonathan a bit here as well as Eddie in a way, apparently my brain can't tell the difference between brotherly older dudes with long hair). Mike is starting to realize now, freaking out, a sort of wind picks up around them/electricity is crackling and shit. He did know about his feelings, but he's freaking out about the idea of them being obvious to others and at the thought of confronting them, especially of telling Will.

Robin comes in a little more gently, maybe regretting how she had acted, saying something like "I know it's scary but you can't just keep running from it. You're the only one who can do this, you have to take some pride in yourself" (or something a little more heartfelt probably). Mike still pushes them both away, he's sort of sobbing at this point, and finally cracks start forming and a portal tears open. They manage to all get through the portal, back into the regular world, and somehow meet back up with the rest of the group. They're being questioned on what happened, but Steve and Robin only give the barebones of what they were doing and how they got out. Mike is still basically shellshocked by the whole situation, like still shaking, but trying to hide his tears and shit. He still hasn't met back up with Will.

I think either the episode ended there or I just paused cuz I was freaking out a little bit, but I pulled out my phone to check Tumblr and basically go "WE'RE FUCKING WINNING Y'ALL" and suddenly my brain went, "it's weird how early they released this" and then I was forcefully woken up. I was so excited though y'all I was fully sobbing too because in my brain it was being done very masterfully. In reality there's... Some flaws with the execution, but I'm glad I know now what it feels like to Win. Manifesting my dreams are at least mildly prophetic dkdkdj

[funkymbtifiction]

Enneagram Centers

Sometimes if you're not sure of your core type, you need to consider the "centers" in order to figure out where your focus lies. (And... don't allow yourself to tritype yourself until you're 100% positive of your core. It will explain most of your behavior and coping mechanisms, so tritype isn't an excuse to mistype.)

Centers... there are three. Each one makes decisions differently and focuses on different things. Sometimes you can narrow down your type to the center, and from there, decide which of the three fits you best.

Centers: heart, head, gut.

They are exactly the way they sound.

Heart types make decisions from an emotional place, because their focus is on earning love. How are you seeing me? What image am I presenting to you? What do I want you to see? They are all about a conscious crafting of "self" in comparison to others. Others can see them as emotional, as needing approval, or as making decisions based on what others think of them. It's an image center. How do I feel about this? What does it lead me to do? (2 - find love, earn love. 3 - impress to earn approval. 4 - too broken for love, separate, must show my uniqueness to get love.)

Head types make decisions from a rational place, because their focus is on being secure. They think, think, think. Over-think. Analyze. Observe. Gotta think about that. Need time to mull it over. Their energy is all in their head. Nervous energy. Active energy. Thoughts. What I think, not what I feel. Buzzing. Busy mind. Converting everything to thinking about it. Distrusts their emotions. Emotions lead you wrong. Must be rational! (5 - detach, observe, don't participate. 6 - too many thoughts, unsure, find something to trust, hold onto it. 7 - stay busy to avoid anxiety, lots of thoughts, run with them all, don't want to feel stuck.)

Gut types make decisions from an instinctual place, through body energy. How things "hit" me. What I "sense" is right. How the world slams up against me, and the barriers I build against it. Putting up boundaries to protect myself. Are these boundaries stable? Knowing what to do. Or not knowing. I just know. It's an obvious choice. This is where I'm being lead. (1 - set firm boundaries, I know what's right and wrong. 8 - be a wall others slam into, expand to maintain control, things anger me and make me push back. 9 - the world seems to be taking me over, it's easy just to go along with it, pretend to agree and then do my own thing, avoid conflict.)

Another thing, which goes for mistyping in MBTI as well -- lots of people think they are X so they "act like X" -- but acting is pretending; it's not real. A fix or a core or a type is real when there's no acting involved; it's just what you naturally do, the air you breathe. For a 2 fixer, pretending to be separate, and broken, and craft an identity as a 4... that is hard work, tiring. For a 6 to pretend to be a 9, and stay calm, and not be full of thoughts and over-thinking, is impossible. It's draining. People start acting THE BEHAVIOR instead of looking deep into their motivations. "Oh, I will act like a 7!" You can't act like a 7 and be convincing, a 7 generates those behaviors through their thinking process. Identifiable behaviors are the result of mental energy. Heart processes are the result of emotional energy. And gut responses are instinctual, immediate, no thinking necessary, my body is reacting, sometimes before I can even think about it. ("I felt sick through my body before I even knew what was happening...")

Social variants are much the same, in that your dominant trait is where your attention goes immediately when you are asked a question or forced to come up with a conversation on the spot. It's rapid. Your dominant instinct absorbs most of your thoughts and focus and concern, even if you aren't aware of it.

Like the typing video I linked to the other day -- when asked questions, Megan Fox drew attention to sexual topics and encounters, because she views her past in an sx-dom way; she remembers school by the first boy she French kissed. When she wanted to interrupt her interviewer and pull him off a "boring topic," her brain said: admit you have a crush on him in a "there are only three guys I'd do" way. Again, sx. Her photos -- sx displays. Provocative clothing intended to elicit an sx reaction from others.

With variants, give yourself time and space to discover it. Your variant is probably more obvious to other people than yourself, because they see it's where your mind goes. You can't think your way through this, head types ;), you have to get an instinctual sense of things through comparisons. Think about the variants on their own, what they are about, what their focus is on, and then put them into the context of your core type and what that means.

If it's sp, look for sp's in the world around you. What's their focus on? Sp concerns. What does that mean? They focus on... my body, how I feel, what I can do, can my body withstand this? What's this look like? The guy you know who is an exercise master. The person neurotic about their health. The 2 who focuses on "health and home." (What does that look like? Well, he checks my tires, changes the oil, etc, for me without being asked! Mom makes lunches for us all, packs them, has them waiting by the door, and makes sure to take care of us at home!)

Socials? Inspiring others. Being the go-to person. Sharing what they know in a friendly manner. Focus on community, on inspiring, on being socially appropriate, on noticing when others AREN'T playing by the rules. What's that look like in person? The 1 who sets a moral example through their behavior and frowns on misbehavior. The 3 who wants to impress you with their inspirational journey. (Not their stuff, stuff is sp. Admire my new car? Sp 3!) The 5 who loves to share their expertise about ancient Egypt (their one thing). The likable 2 who runs a YouTube channel about "how to..."

Sexuals? Focus on sex. Heat. Attraction. Scent. Impact. Provocation. Am I turning you on or off? I want to find out, that's why I do it. People are either drawn to me or hate me. That's fine. Attracting them all isn't interesting to me. What's that look like in number terms? The sexy 2 who only "helps" their special person. The 6 who is protective of their mate, while also being anxious and suspicious and fearful of being left OR who goes to an extreme to become attractive in an expected way (the hot girl next door, the man who can protect you, the sensitive man, the tough girl). The 9 who molds themselves into another person and disappears into them (Bella).

It's an area of over-focus, neuroticism, a need you have to fill, whereas your second fix isn't that important. It's how you play, dabble, the stakes aren't as high, and your focus doesn't always go there first. I want this, don't always chase it. (Sx? Intense heat comes after social awareness or self-protection. Soc? Socially aware, but being an influencer comes after sx drive or "my health and home." Sp? Survival comes after public influence or awareness or sx pursuits.)

Being "blind" means... I rarely focus on this. It's not on my radar. Sp blind? Safety?? Survival? Eh, it'll all work out fine. :) Sx blind? Throwing myself recklessly after intense attraction, thirst traps, being super provocative, seems tasteless and risky. Soc-blind? Oblivious to how that statement made you feel about me, or judge me, unaware of how I dress or act being inappropriate to a situation.