#the bob's burgers movie spoilers

[thebloomingglooms]

CW: Blood (and Spoilers..)

Man, you can’t trust any lawyers, look the one I got for my trial 😫😩

Jokes aside, might do a bit more of Grover sometime soon (It’s Halloween Eve after all-)

[stanfordpines-enbyboyfriend]

Something I noticed while watching the bob's burgers movie once was that during the beginning when it shows the murder happen if you like pause/look closely you can easily tell that one of the shadows is grover as the shadow has the outline of his hair (I think his glasses too) and I just find that detail really cool

[ilonacho]

i miss having time for fandom😔

[br1ghtestlight]

btw as a warning i dont really tag spoilers for new bob's burgers episodes 😭😭 i dont think they're plot twist-y enough to really justify that but if you REALLY dont want spoilers maybe block the bob's burgers tag until you watch the episodes

[lostinyourfacade]

I really thought tina's arc in the movie was realizing she liked the idea of jimmy junior rather than the boy he actually was. Cause who he actually was took her for granted. But then no that was not the lesson. Which was disappointing. I get why they stick to it but I just want someone to sit her down and give her a wakeup call. My girl deserves better. I personally ship her with zeke cause he would appreciate her.

[artyfartyliz]

huevember day 14! going back to my roots with this one. by which i mean writing dramatic lyrics directly onto my art like i'm 15 again. anyway louise's part of sunny side up summer is haunting me /pos

[britishchick09]

undefined

the new bb intro!!! :D

[stanfordpines-enbyboyfriend]

As someone who likes to listen to people talk about their selfships, I am GOING To take this opportunity. So, um.

1. what is Alex like? Like how can you describe their personality?

AND!

2. How do you think Alex would've felt or reacted about the whole situation that happened in The Bob's Burgers Movie? If you didn't watch it yet, then I guess the Season 4 finale, Wharf Horse.

How to describe alex uh I guess the best way I could describe them is alex is a kinda shy awkward person with a bit of a temper he's normally quite talkative around people he's trust (so the fischoeders (mostly calvin tho tbh) and the belchers + some other people too) they pretty artsy (drawing and a bit of photography) uh I'm not really good at describing stuff

So I've kinda mentioned alex being in the movie but the most I said was that they were pregnant nothing else so here's some more info about alex's reaction to the events of the movie

spoilers if you haven't seen the bob's burgers movie (it's a really good and pretty movie go watch it and the show for some added context it's also a really good show too)

firstly the scene showing the news report of calvin getting arrested alex's reaction is anxious and frustration anxious because well your boyfriend is on the news being taken into police custody because he's a suspect for murder and frustration because felix is saying stuff that makes it seems that calvin actually did kill someone and then secondly the secret hideout in the mole hill I'm imagining them arriving at the secret hideout at/around the same time grover did and he's there to tell calvin that they're going to be parents and to try and get him to not flee the country (which calvin was planning on having alex come along) and while grover is explaining his whole plan alex clinging onto calvin's arms terrified about the whole situation and ends up getting in the sub with calvin and felix which once in the sub alex tells calvin that they're pregnant I haven't really thought about calvin's reaction to that information yet I really should I really don't know why I haven't thought about calvin's reaction to finding out that he's going to be a dad

Also I'm really sorry that it's taking me forever to respond to these asks I'll get to the other questions I got sent when I can I'm sorry

Pro.ship/com.ship/neutral dni

[sleeplessdreamer14]

anyone else have mixed feelings about the new bob’s burgers S13 intro? I know they had to fit in the sinkhole thingy, but I just feels kinda off now.

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Cocaine Bear

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~700

Summary: You and Wanda watch a weird movie

A/N: This contains spoilers for Cocaine Bear!! So beware... this is just a short little fluffy thing

Warnings: Fluff and crack 

“Wands, we don’t have to keep watching this.”

“It’s a little…”

Wanda trails off as she tries to find words to describe how ridiculous this movie is. She’s not sure if it’s supposed to be more of a comedy than horror, but she’s struggling to figure it out even as they’re 50 minutes in. She’s finding it hard to be scared and she’s mostly just laughing at the fact that this bear is so doped up it’s attacking people for more drugs.

It shouldn’t be funny, but Wanda finds herself bursting into fits of giggles whenever someone looks so shocked to see a bear just chilling with white dust on his nose while eating his latest victim. She curls up next to you and shakes her head at the idea of stopping. They somehow have an hour left, but now she needs to know how it ends. You decide to humor her and you laugh slightly before just nodding and lying back to watch Wanda more than you watch the movie.

“I don’t know if that much cocaine would cause this, versus just killing him.”

Wanda shushes you gently before snuggling closer to you with a yawn. You shouldn’t even be trying to make sense of this movie, but this is what you tend to do when things don’t keep your interest. You try to rationalize them and usually it’s enough to distract you from the horrible plot. In this case you have Wanda to thank for that and you can’t help but smile as she near cackles as the ‘cocaine bear’ collapses on someone you think is a criminal. It only takes someone dropping their cocaine for it to jump up and swallow the whole thing.

“What is happening?”

As soon as you speak up the bear starts dancing with the poor man that he’d been lying on earlier. You both just watch in silence as the bear who had just been identified as a female, bathes in a shower of cocaine. Your mouth is still hanging open as the movie gets a little sad, but the hunt for the bear that’s run off continues. You shift on the couch and groan as you try and push Boone’s butt out of the way.

“Are they just all arguing while he kicks those cubs?”

You frown in annoyance as one character continues to a greedy asshole while the bear gets another high. You can’t help but roll your eyes at the fact that this bear has done more cocaine than anyone you know. You wonder how many more hits she’ll get before the movie ends. Wanda’s eyes are closed but she’s still listening to the chaos that erupts on screen. You continue to eat popcorn as your wife mostly just rests her head on your lap.

Once the movie’s over you just huff before glancing at the clock with a small smile. You run your fingers through your wife’s hair to see if she’ll stir but she seems very comfortable so you just let her rest.

“That was 90 minutes of my life I won’t get back, but at least I spent it with you.”

You hear Wanda laugh at this and a few seconds later she’s sitting up so she can kiss you. She looks over to Boone to see he’s curled up in a ball at the end of the couch with Fletcher stepping all over him. He grumbles but tolerates his fur sister being annoying, so Wanda turns her attention to you with a smile.

“We can watch something else.”

You’d already been thinking of what movie to watch next at the 20-minute mark of this one. You had an animated movie that you really wanted to watch. It was based off of the series, and you were already searching for it as Wanda reaches over you to pet her cat. As expected, Fletcher steps on your lap to get to her mom and you just smirk before starting The Bob’s Burgers Movie.

“This movie is going to be so much better. I promise.”

Masterlist

[jae-is-drawing]

THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE NEWEST BOB'S BURGERS EPISODE JADE IN THE SHADE‼️‼️ DO NOT CONTINUE TO READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT OR DON'T WANT SPOILERS

I normally don't post thoughts on here about specific episodes but this episode was genuinely so good that I need to talk about it.

First: some smaller details that I really like that aren't super big to the story

- this episode proves my theory that there are ways to give Louise an outfit that fits the triangle shape language without it being a dress. She is so cute in that outfit and I absolutely love her little boots

- the facial expressions and body language are so good, I absolutely love how they are adding more simple body language things to episodes recently to add more character. Examples:

- just louise's little bounces are so cute and Linda desperately trying to grab Louise cause she's scared about her kid idk it's just so good to me 😭

- also per usual the side plot was sweet, I absolutely love that moment where the tube guy has a light behind him like he was Jesus it was so funny to me 😭😭

- this is like the first time an episode has heavily referenced past happenings before. Like they constantly Talk about the movie AND they're in the hotel they were at for that Halloween episode in I think season 10. I absolutely love that they talked about the movie

Now for more character driven moments that make me explode:

- smaller character moment but MR. FISCHOEDER ACTUALLY GIVING LOUISE MONEY IS SO SWEET LIKE HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT THIS FAMILY AND IS WILLING TO GIVE LOUISE SOME MONEY 😭😭😭😭😭 genuinely so good I absolutely love them 😭😭

- Logan's mom being really clingy actually explains a lot with Logan, and I know that they have done things like this in the past but I don't think it was as blatantly obvious. It's really good characterization for Logan and actually made me feel for Logan. LOGAN.

- Louise finally said the quiet part out loud where she doesn't think she's a kid. Like I'm pretty positive she's never said she doesn't think she's a child out loud before which is probably one of the best cases of show don't tell I've seen in a while, and now her saying she's not a kid feels natural.

- I love how Linda was taking care of one of her kids without being completely overbearing like she is with Gene and sometimes Tina. She's showing growth as a mother and starting to undo the trauma she went through as a kid

- this is my favorite part of the episode and the most blatant sign of character growth, BUT THE FACT THAT LOUISE ACTUALLY KEPT THE MONEY INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY SPENDING IT ALMOST BROKE ME. I was not expecting her to keep it and my immediate thought when it cuts to her hanging something up on her was like she bought the newspaper clip from the hotel or a copy of it to hang on her wall, but it cutting to the money was one of the best ways of subverting character expectations I have seen. This is probably my favorite character arc I've seen Louise go through and it's not even the biggest one 😭 AND LOOK AT HER FACE WHEN SHE HANGS IT UP TOO IM ILL 😭😭

Anyways, I hope y'all like my ramblings about the new episode, I'm thinking about doing something like his for every new episode this season cause I will most definitely need to rant and this is the best way I can think of without bombarding my friends with my thoughts. 😭

[darealsaltysam]

hiya!! welcome to my blog!! im sam (she/her) and i like to write :3

since you're stopping by anyway, why not take a little look at my fics? i write on ao3 and have done work in many, many different fandoms! currently, you can find fics from the following;

ace attorney

fnaf

wynncraft

faith

the walking dead

star wars

paladins

the x-men movies

dsmp (mainly older, discontinued works)

below the cut i'm going to put more detailed descriptions of all of the fics i'm proudest of, so if any of the above fandoms interest you, take a little peek!!

ACE ATTORNEY

spiky twink rebooted

a very silly highschool au chatfic. crack with minimal angst here and there to carry some plot along, but it's very low-stakes. really just something i write for fun to wind down. perfect if ur looking for some good ol crack to turn your brain off to!

waiting for godot

a three-part fic exploring mia and diego's story in ace attorney - before, during, and after his coma. it goes into the background of their relationship and dives into godot's mentality after waking up and finding out about what happened to mia. angst with a somewhat bittersweet ending, canon compliant.

SOME OLDER FICS

Object Class: Fey - completed. an ace attorney scp au, very miego focused with some light background narumitsu. does not represent my current quality or style of writing, but i still enjoy the story a lot and am proud of the fic as a whole!

Time Paradox at The Turnabout - discontinued. a time travel fic of sorts. various different versions of various different characters travel to one time period, hijinks ensue. not that well-written and was never completed, but you might enjoy the concept!

the adventures of spiky twink and the burger queen - discontinued. older version of spiky twink rebooted - read that one instead!

spiky twink extras - discontinued. companion piece to the above. short stories within the universe, essentially!

FNAF

THE SCRIPTVERSE

the scriptverse is a trilogy of scripts + a prose prequel which seeks to retell fnaf lore completely. it sticks to canon in some parts but deviates in others, so it will surprise you even if you know the lore inside out! i made my own changes to the timeline, mixed and matched stuff from the movie, books and games... overall, just a big revamp of the whole thing, all told through movie scripts!

the series is made up of:

MR AFTON, a william-focused first part retelling the missing children incident

MR SCHMIDT [act 1], a michael-focused sequel retelling william's trial shortly after

MR SCHMIDT [act 2], a massive third part to the series which deals with the fallout of the murder and the trial, michael meeting jeremy, ghosts showing up in the pizzeria, and michael finding out he has a sister he didn't know about! crazy stuff!

mr emily & ms schmidt, a prose prequel to the series which focuses on how henry, william and his wife clara met

WYNNCRAFT

warm hands, cold hearts, gentle smiles (also holy shit is that bak'al over there?)

a fic which focuses on exploring the dynamics between the four twain brothers as kids + includes an appearance from wynncraft's favorite bitch boy. also, i made theorick less of a bitch by explaining WHY canon theo is such a bitch!

my legacy in death, your legacy in ice, our legacy in blood

a follow-up of sorts to the above fic, focusing on mael having to help nesaak post-theorick freezing it. the second half of the fic looks at the time mael spent training bob. all around lots of angst, some hurt/comfort in the second part, and a very, very bittersweet ending.

requiem

currently ongoing!!! an x reader fic that has you, the player, take on the role of the villain. you team up with bak'al to take revenge on someone who has wronged you. the fic, and even its description, contains BIG spoilers for wynncraft's late-game quests, most notably a journey further and a hunter's calling. it also explores some dark and uncomfortable themes, please refer to all relevant warnings!! read at your own risk!

OTHER FICS

closer, then you're close enough to lose - completed. a short, slykaar/bob one-shot based in an au i came up with together with @meefys !!

PALADINS

a city of self-fulfilling prophecies [paladins superhero au]

currently ongoing!!! a paladins superhero au that i've been putting together for years, and am now finally writing! most champions will be included as characters, with maeve, ying and lex as the three protagonists and corvus as the lead villain, alongside evie, cassie & kinessa, lian & rei, octavia and many others as major characters!

SOME OLDER FICS

the scholar loved the scion // and the scion loved the scholar, but not in the same way - completed. a short fic exploring a one-sided relationship between lian and rei. hurt, and no comfort!

FAITH

soul of christ (sanctify me)

a short fic which focuses on john and lisa's childhood, with a nice portion of catholic guilt and queer shame on the side (yes i projected onto john. no i am not sorry). very experimental but probably one of my personal fave works ever!!!

X-MEN (movies)

oh, i will ruin you (it's a habit, i can't help it)

a very short cherik one-shot, because they've infected my brain. it's just them flirting and making out tbh. nothing more nothing less. but i'm pretty proud of it!

again and again and again and again

a 5+1 exploring charles' post-first class depression era, from hank's perspective. lots of bitterness, lots of anger, lots of sad feels, and a bitter-sweet comfort ending.

OTHER FICS

below you can find all my other fics - these i'm a little less confident in, because they're either older works or discontinued ones.

tommyinnit - dragonborn! - discontinued. dsmp skyrim au, sbi focused, secondary dream team focus. i really loved this fic and writing it but was forced to discontinue due to... stuff(tm). im still very passionate about the story and happy with what i wrote here, so i recommend it if you're into it.

The Between Dreams and Memories Series - discontinued. a complete retelling of the dsmp storyline. was planned to have 3 parts - same as above, forced to discontinue. contains 2 complete fics (part 1 and a spin off) and one unfinished fic (part 2 of the planned trilogy). one of the biggest fics on my account, a product of several years of work, and a very important work for me, even if its quality doesn't hold up. read if you wish!

a house full of serial killers VS the barbie movie starring margot robbie and ryan gosling - completed. a very very stupid creepypasta chatfic oneshot. i wrote it in one sitting because i was bored. it's nothing special, but it's pretty funny!

dance with the devil - completed. a very short dsmp oneshot, focusing specifically on c!niki and c!schlatt. im still pretty happy with how it turned out!

Deserve Better - completed. a pretty badly written who killed markiplier oneshot. darkstache focused. one of the first fics i ever posted!

laughter [anidala] - completed. a short star wars one-shot i wrote for my girlfriend, focusing on ani and padme!

mutual hatred builds character - completed. a short the walking dead one-shot, focused on maggie and negan. NOT SHIP! i just think they're a fun duo to study like bugs

[eybefioro]

Hi, I'm Eybe!

I made this blog to have a place to obsess a little over my fixations (rn it is Good Omens obv).

I've been writing! If you want, check my ff on AO3 :) (English is not my first language, so expect mistakes. Não que eu seja muito melhor em português, mas sabe como é né)

Also... could I interest you in a ✨️ficlet or poem✨️?? Send me a word on the ask box and I'll write one for you!!

I mostly use tags for yapping. I don't tag things properly – I'm getting better at it, but don't expect trigger/content warnings. These are the ones I use with some consistency:

#woven words - Poetry stuff, apparently I'm doing that now.

#✨️Random fic rec✨️- I try to recommend a fic every so often! (It was weekly before but i couldn't keep it up LMAO. It takes me long to write the recs)They aren't spoiler free since it's a bit of a collection of my thoughts&experience reading it (I'm very enthusiastic about it)

#words after words - my ramblings about writing.

#sdrOwOrds - my fanfics & ficlets

#endless rewatch - for when I'm inevitably rewatching gomens and wanna talk about it.

#fanart i guess - hm this is new. I'm drawing sometimes. I'm not good but I have fun!

#tag game! & #ask game :D - for tag&ask games lol

#ask tag :) - all my asks.

#random ramble - more personal stuff. Whatever goes on my mind and i want to share for some reason.

I do love the ask thingy (and messages) so feel free to talk to me and send stuff! i won't bite, promise (unless you ask kindly)

(More about me under the cut)

🚧in construction 🚧

[Masterlists]

I'm too invested in music (I listen to a lot of different stuff) and fanfiction, and I do love anime and tv shows (Hannibal, Percy Jackson, The Good Place, Dirk Gently are some of them!). I like to watch people playing videogames, but don't play much myself bc I suck at them. Very much. It's comical. But I do love stardew valley, the Sims and Inscryption :)

Things that I like (and that you eventually see reblogs about (probably. Let'sbe honest this is 99% a gomens blog)):

Podcasts - Midnight burger, Magnus Archives, Dungeons and Daddies, Sherlock&Co, França e o Labirinto, Good Omens Radio drama, Paciente 63.

TV shows - Good Omens (obv), Dirk Gently, The umbrella academy, Hannibal, Percy Jackson, The good place, Interview with the vampire, Modern Family, This is Us, Dexter

Movies - Everything Everywhere All at once, Deadpool, studio Ghibli movies

Cartoons & Animes - Steven Universe, Adventure Time. Irmão do Jorel, Regular Show, Sponge Bob, Scooby Doo, almost anything hanna barbera actually, Barakamon, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Jujutsu Kaisen, Mob Psycho, Given, SK8, Dr Stone, YuYu Hakusho, HxH, DoroHeDoro, Fulk Metal Alchemist, Beastars (I do read manga too, but it's been a while. I liked Blue Exorcist, Golden Kamuy, Deadman Wonderland, Assassination Classroom)

Music - almost anything. Some: Ghost, Sleep Token, Cartola, Pet shop boys, blur, Secos e molhados, lady gaga, Orville peck, Sepultura, Rita Lee, Scorpions, Tracy Chapman, ABBA. Stromae, Lil Simz, Liniker, Hozier, Yellow Days, MacDeMarco, Alt-j, YinYin, Queen, Lil Nas X, The smiths, The Cure, Arctic Monkeys... so much more. (My tastes tend to be very 80s tho for some reason. In general terms, Disco, Rock, MPB & city pop are what I listen the most I think?)

Games - Stardew Valley, Inscryption, Minecraft, The Sims, Cities Skylines, Katana Zero

Other - Ordem paranormal (RPG livestreams), webtoons, architecture (in general)

Dividers by Enchantings!!

[anxietycryptidthetherian]

Ok for the 1000 post achievement, what’s the saddest moment in tv/gaming for you?

Can it be from an animated movie ?

*SPOILERS FOR THE BOB’S BURGERS MOVIE*

My personal ‘D:’ moment with tv was the scene in the bob’s burgers movie where Grover drives them into a sinkhole and dumps dirt on them and leaves them to suffocate (they’re fine they’re fine don’t worry)

[babybluebanshee]

Movies I Watched in 2023, Worst to Best

I watched 60 movies this year. Imma tell you about them. Also spoilers throughout, obviously.

60. Cats (2019): Genuinely the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I paid to see Meet the Spartans in theaters. Very glad I drank heavily before viewing this. Can’t tell if it was worse because I’m a fan of the musical or not. I saw this movie and everything is worse now.

59. The Taking of Deborah Logan: Actually a really sound premise that goes off the rails and not in a good way. The lady who plays Deborah deserves an Oscar. Nothing worse to me than wasted potential, and this took a legit unnerving premise and made it a standard demon plot and I’m so very tired of that. Sorry @vaultsy

58. Red String and Blood Tea: This all means something, I just know it, but damned if I know what it is. I can’t really say anything that bad about it because stop motion is an intense labor of love and this clearly took a lot of time and effort, but it just didn’t leave much more of an impression on me.

57. Freddy vs. Jason: I wanted to like this movie really bad, and there were times when I did. But the 2000s stink was positively radiating off it - the slowed down footage, the nu metal blaring everywhere, the shitty costuming, it’s everywhere. Save yourself some time and just watch one of those YouTube videos where someone scrubs the whole movie for just Freddy and Jason’s bits.

56. Ladybug and Cat Noir: The Movie: Look, my girlfriend loves Miraculous. I couldn’t care less about it, but she really wanted me to see this movie and I love her very much. At least it’s very beautiful to look at and it did what it took the tv series a billion years to do.

55. Scrooge: A Christmas Carol: I’m gonna level with you - I watched this because gilf Scrooge intrigued me. Now that we have that out of the way, I can say aside from that, there’s nothing in this movie to really set it apart. A few arbitrary changes and making Scrooge more of an intentional asshole doesn’t set it apart from the millions of other adaptations of this story.

54. From Dusk Till Dawn: The line that separates the Tarantino aspects of this movie from the Rodriguez aspects of it is about as subtle as a brick to the head, but it’s there, and honestly? I wish we would have focused more on the Rodriguez parts. Call me a plebeian, but I never have been fond of Tarantino’s style, nor am I particularly interested in his barely concealed foot fetish. Remake this as two separate movies and I’ll watch the one with the rad ass vampires.

53. Beauty and the Beast (1946): Is this a horror movie? I think this was supposed to be a horror movie. I can’t really fathom how this is supposed to be romantic when there’s creepy living statues, human arm candelabras, and the Beast stealing his romantic rival’s face when he transforms into a human man.

52. Gaslight: Can be genuinely gripping in places, but also kind of boring in a plodding way. The acting is pretty great though - Charles Boyer is an amazingly effective villain and I wanted to give poor Ingrid Bergman a hug.

51. The Bob's Burgers Movie: Kevin Kline and Zach Galifinakis need chiropractors from carrying this movie on their backs. Like, it’s fine if you’re a big fan of Bob’s Burgers (and I was on a BB jag at the time), the songs are fun, and the animation is gorgeously bouncy, but it suffers from the same thing that most movies based on tv shows do - it just feels like a longer episode of the show.

50. The Addams Family: A classic for a reason, though maybe with a bit less pathos than I was anticipating. Still fun, just not as fun as the movie that would come after it.

49. Suspiria: Pretty to look at and goddamn that soundtrack. Not a favorite, but it’s such a cerebral experience that you almost don’t mind all that much.

48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Kind of suffers from the same problems as Suspiria, with the leg-up of having an absolute banger of a third act. Also Franklin is the worst. Most of the problems in this movie could have been avoided if Franklin wasn’t around. The other ones could be solved by not trespassing on private property.

47. Paprika: Also a very cerebral film, and just as fun to look at. It’s slightly too charming to ever really be boring, but it’s still just kinda meh.

46. They Live: Fun alien designs and a neat idea. Has too many dead Keith Davids to get any higher on the list.

45. Wes Craven's New Nightmare: A fun spin on a dying franchise. I will never stop laughing at Freddy’s stupid trenchcoat and emo boots tho.

44. Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors: More horror adventure than straight horror, but still fun and inventive. Probably has some of the most creative kills in the whole franchise (Freddy leading someone around by their exposed tendons, hello). My only complaint is that the absolute bitch doctor didn't get eviscerated.

43. But I'm a Cheerleader: The gays can have a silly high school rom com. As a treat. I also appreciate the movie adding in that the bible-thumping heteros tend to sexualize kids more than any queer person on this planet.

42. Psycho Goreman: I would like to congratulate PG on his coming out. Mimi was almost too annoying to be tolerable, but this is still a really fun movie with cool creatures and a lot of great humor.

41. Howard: Hi, catch me crying in the last fifteen minutes of this movie. Howard Ashman was an amazing talent and I’m forever depressed that we lost him far, far too early.

40. Little Shop of Horrors: Yeah, this is the first time I’ve ever seen the movie version of this. Gimme a break, I like the musical ending better. That being said, this movie is great camp fun and I love how much love and care was put into it. Also that Audrey II puppet will never fail to impress me.

39. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark: I would like to personally thank Cassandra Peterson for making this stupid, sexy, campy romp that made my life infinitely better.

38: Weird: The Al Yankovic Story: RIP Weird Al Yankovic, wish you could have seen the fabulous movie they made about you before you were gunned down by the cartels.

37. Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves: Another movie I saw at my girlfriend’s request, but I also would have wanted to see it for those motherfuckin creature effects. Jarnathan is my husband and I love him dearly.

36. The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Chris Pratt wasn’t in this movie, what are you talking about? It was just Jack Black and Charlie Day having a good time and being extra adorable. That’s all there was. There is no Crisp Rat in my wonderful Mario movie.

35. Black Swan: I’ve heard this described as “live action Perfect Blue” and…yeah. Also I could write entire essays about how Nina’s mother may or may not exist, but we’re not getting into that today.

34. The Wolf House: On a purely technical level, this is a fucking masterpiece. It’s all stop motion (which as previously mentioned is not for the faint of heart), with creative camera work that makes it look like one, long, continuous shot. Add to that the stunningly creepy atmosphere and the framing device of this being a recruiting tool for a cult, and it’s a beautiful nightmare.

33. How to Survive a Plague: Another one that made me weep like an infant. I prefer the book, but this is still a gorgeous tribute to everyone we lost and how far we’ve come.

32. The Girl With All the Gifts: A fun take on the zombie mythos. Also, I for one welcome our new Hungry overlords.

31. Basket Case: Was initially very dubious about the supposed pathos of this film, only to be pleasantly surprised by how true that is. Yes, this movie is schlocky and sleazy (could have lived a long, happy life without ever seeing the Basket Case puppet hump a corpse), but it’s still a great little B-movie.

30. Belle: I’m always a slut for a Beauty and the Beast story, and this one is just hella gorgeous. I would have preferred an extra scene of Justin getting his ass obliterated, but what we did get was wonderful.

29. Nerdy Prudes Must Die: Not my favorite Hatchetfield musical (Black Friday my beloved), but Starkid never put out anything bad. Always a pleasure to see what the Lords in Black are up to.

28. The Sea Beast: I need Grandpa Crow yesterday. Other than that, this was a fun little adventure film that gave me my dose of found family juice. And also it made me realize that there aren’t a lot of straightforward pirate movies anymore? Like, POTC really burned everyone out on those for a while, huh?

27. King Kong (2005): I’ve heard this movie called bloated and boring, but I actually think I love it? Like…maybe it’s just because I’m a monster fucker, but the companionship between Ann and Kong is so beautiful and sad and I nearly burst into tears while she was trying to comfort his as he died. Just let the goddamn gorilla ice skate, you monsters!

26. The Celluloid Closet: Had the opposite of How to Survive a Plague happen - I read the book and wasn’t nearly as moved as I was watching the people actually involved in making these films or other queer icons talking about them. Maybe it was the lack of academic language that made it so much more effective, but while the book is still great for film scholars, the movie is a must-watch for literally everyone.

25. Nimona: We need more feral female characters in general. Also I would never in all my life believe Ballister was a bad guy, simply because he has the most innocent, watery eyes I’ve ever seen that weren’t attached to a small, damp mammal.

24. Citizen Kane: Yes, it took me this long to actually watch this movie for the first time. I was dubious at first, because I’ve seen so many movies that claim to be the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life, and then fall gloriously short of your expectations. This, however, did not do that. I can see why this is a classic. And now you can all be aghast at all the movies that I liked better!

23. Sing 2: Help, I’m crying over Bono the lion dilf! Also this movie is fun and beautiful to look at and the music is amazing. I’m also a proponent of the Shitty Crime Uncle Jimmy Crystal Domestication idea.

22. The People Under the Stairs: More movies should be about the power of community action and solidarity in the face of exploitative gentrification and also blowing up your landlord’s booby-trapped torture dungeon and freeing their kidnapped cannibalistic troll children into the wild.

21. Sense and Sensibility: I’ve never cared that much about Sense and Sensibility as a book - it was strictly middle tier. This movie has changed that. I actually like Edward now, because Hugh Grant just plays him like the autistic king he was always meant to be.

20. Shiny Happy People: No, I do not care that this was a miniseries, it's too good not to include. Watching this show will make you want to deck every evangelical asshat that crosses your path and also terrified of the amount of influence they have in the USA.

19. Black Christmas: Where Chainsaw was kinda boring with a great climax, Black Christmas hits the ground running and doesn't really stop. It's scary, tense, and cinematically gorgeous.

18. Mannequinn: Yes, I liked this movie better than Citizen Kane. No one should listen to my opinion about anything. But it doesn't matter because it's dumb, campy fun and I want Hollywood Montrose to be my auntie.

17. Wishmaster: Absolute ham-to-ham combat between Andrew Divoff, Robert Englund, Tony Todd, Tom Savini. Some amazing practical effects. I wanna kiss the djinn right on the mouth. Only complaint is that I wish the sex pest friend who kept pestering Sam for a date would have stayed dead.

16. From Beyond: This movie had three of my favorite things in the world - moistened puppets, my mommy Barbara Crampton dressing up in a sexy outfit (thank you, Ms. Crampton *blows kiss*), and Jeffrey Combs being a sad, wet kitten man.

15. Renfield: I like that we're making movies about scary vampires again. It's nice. Also Nic Cage is quickly going the way of Daniel Craig and Robert Pattinson - they need to be cast as weird little guys for enrichment purposes.

14. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem: Animation? Charming and daring. Characters? I'm adopted all of them, and loving that all the turtles are actually voiced by children. Superfly? Got me feeling a way. Shredder being teased at the end? Where'd my panties go? Also this movie got me to sixty, so everyone say thank you to Shae for nice, round numbers.

13. Paris Is Burning: It's a classic of LGBT film, if you haven't watched it just to get a taste of the glorious world of drag ball culture, you need to. Stop what you're doing and watch Paris Is Burning. Now. This is a not a request. I will report you.

12. It's a Wonderful Life: I've never seen this show all the way through, so I fixed that this year, and goddamn I always forget how much I like Jimmy Stewart until I see him in another good movie. This movie also got him investigated by the House Un-American Activities Committee for communist sentiments, so all my little anarchists should watch it.

11. Return of the Living Dead: I'd like everyone to meet my husband, Tar Man. He's gonna eat your brains, you'll love it.

10. Re-Animator: I'll never get tired of watching Herbert West being a sassy little cunt to everyone around him, including his co-dependent boyfriend whom he should kiss directly on the mouth. My only complaint is the...um...scene with Dr. Hill's head and Meg. That's all I'm gonna say about it. Because it makes me extremely uncomfy and I can't even enjoy Barbara Crampton's tits because of it.

9. Bride of Re-Animator: Herbert and Dan should have just taken their beautiful daughter to live out the rest of their happy lives at the seaside. Also the effects are fucking amazing. That'll happen when your special effects guys is credited as "Screamin' Mad George".

8. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts: Catch me shrieking like a possessed baboon throughout this entire movie. Everything about it made me happy, from Bumblebee being a bamf to Ron Perlman as Optimus Primal to literally everything about Peter Cullen's Optimus. I will never be over him having enough of Scourge's shit and ripping out his spine.

7. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish: Can't talk. Too blown away by the fact Dreamworks put out one of the most visually stunning and vibrant animated films they have in decades. They are back babey.

6. Glass Onion: I cannot wait to see what else we get from Benoit Blanc. He's the blorbo from my shows and I adore him. Also you know he called up Marta after he got home and was like "hey, there's this friend of mine I want you to meet, I think you guys will get along swimmingly" while fully intending to play matchmaker.

5. Everything Everywhere All At Once: "Nothing matters so being kind and compassionate is even more important" is genuinely such a beautiful thing for a film to say, and I'm glad I finally got a chance to see it in a movie where people fight with dildos and Jamie Lee Curtis' outfit was based on a stock photo.

4. Nope: Jordan Peele owns my soul at this point.

3. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar: I expected Priscilla but American, and was given a really heartfelt, sweet movie and I legit forgot several times that Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo were cis men.

2. Barbie: I recommend Barbie to literally everyone who asks me about it. It's my religion now. Everything about it is delightful and

1. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse: This movie is utter perfection. I would marry it if I could.