#the bard. he is soggy ….

[lanternlightss]

Ello. Siren ven in the water again :] bard is also here this time

SIREN VEN IN THE WATERR

AWAA THIS IS SO !!!! HOW VEN IS CURLED AROUND BARD !!! he is safe Right Here, by me, and you are Not going to get to him. leave. ohhh and how the bard is leaned against them, how ven’s hair falls over his ,,, aough ,, poor bard too :( he looks so miserable, water drenching him and clutching chest ….

love love love love how intimidating ven is here omg. the way they’re emerging from the water ?? the death stare ??? just love how portrayed that protectiveness, that care, they are going to lunge at you !! prepared to do anything for this bard … and this is their environment :)

[fatcowboys]

mmmmm valentin has the potential to be a real pathetic soggy guy if i play him right. i Hope i do <3

[ultimategenshintournament]

Ultimate Genshin Tournament: Round 4

Propaganda below cut

Venti:

He straight up calls the Traveler "his warrior" in his teapot lines, plus he's like our long-time friend??? He basically asked us out for drinks during the alchemy event???? You can choose to bring him up during the fight with Signora????? He's the best idc idc

He. Is. Amazing. So many layers, so interesting... So much trauma and potential... Not to mention look how AWESOME he is generally!!! He's kind and caring towards everybody, and also carefree and mischievous!!! How can you not love him?? VOTE FOR THE GREEN BARD

Please I can’t he’s TOO GOOD for this world- he’s just a little guy!! Like he cares for his nation and the people of Mondstadt SO MUCH it hurts when people say he doesn’t. Like, my poor trauma-driven little mega-uber-powerful war god who’s actually just a tiny little wind spirit honoring his dead friend!!!! I love him so much ALSO it was just his birthday soooo

he hasn’t had a major in game appearance since the poetry event w Hu Tao but his lore means he gets brought up almost literally every patch. he convinced a bunch of the most lethal women in Teyvat to have tea in his lands instead of screwing him up. he would always always always rather take the path of least resistance. he’s the three time best bard in Mond. he never seeks glory, only wishes to offer it to others. he was a better father to Diona than her real one five minutes into meeting her at the potion making event. he gives the blind girl glory whispers of what the world looks like so she can navigate. when a nun of his own church denied his identity he decided to run a heist to steal back an item that is only holy because it is his. he keeps his misery and loneliness trapped within, and does his best to bring joy to every Mondstadter and every person he meets. how can you not love him? 

Kaveh:

This poor sopping wet man has captivated me. Look at his stupid mullet. I swore I would become a Kaveh main when his drip marketing came out and I have let him down. He's broke. He's in a relationship(?) with Alhaitham. He can't stop helping others. Hoyo trapped him in the basement again cuz where is his rerun??? Where is it? Where is my boy?

He's the sweetest little man and look at his stupid little face. He looks like a soggy pathetic kitten sitting in a soggy cardboard box on a street corner. AND he has a husband. So. 

[boghermit]

I gave Salem a shave and he has such soggy kicked puppy energy without his giant bard goatee

[siderealscribblings]

Goin back to back this weekend; have some early access Games of Divinity

-------

By the time Makoto touched down in the merchant district, he was reasonably sure he had shaken Furina’s gardes and any nosy Tri-Commission officers that were looking for him. He didn’t care to be fussed over by would-be babysitters and he didn’t want to involve Miko unless he absolutely had to. Makoto held grudges like misers held money, and the one against Miko he held close to his heart.  

Touching down in an alleyway, Makoto vaulted a row of boxes and slipped into the bustling crowd. The streets were packed with vendors selling everything from hand-cut cor lapis jewelry to fried dough balls from Mondstadt. Dialects from all corners of the world floated above music playing from cafes and street performers drew small crowds that made navigating the streets difficult. It was easy to get lost in the crowd by tugging his hat down and following a pack of mercenaries from Sumeru. Makoto’s contact didn’t give him an address but he didn’t need one; he just strained his ears listening for a familiar melody. Every bard worth their salt would be performing this weekend; he just needed to listen until found the one he was looking for. 

“A foreign prince wandering alone in a mysterious country…that sounds like the start of a good story.”

A warm wind jostled Makoto’s earrings and he turned to meet a slender young man dressed in dandelion green and sipping on a frozen drink through a straw. 

“Or a bad light novel,” Makoto said, watching Venti lick some of the blue syrup off his hand. “What the hell is that and where did you get it?” 

“It’s a firewine slush; snagged it from one of the merchants down the road,” Venti replied, taking a long drag through the straw with a wince. “Ahh, coldcoldcold!” 

“Every day I wake up and regret accepting your patronage,” Makoto sighed, accepting an arm around his shoulder with only mild squirming.

People touching him was new and unusual, but Barbatos had no concept of personal space and hadn’t since Makoto had first made the god’s acquaintance behind a stack of wine barrels in Ritou. Living his life in a golden cage made it hard to make actual friends and he had to take companionship where he could get it. At least Venti didn’t kiss his ass like his courtiers did; it was actually refreshing to have someone unafraid to call Makoto an idiot to his face. 

“Come on, we all know I’m the best thing that happened to you, chickadee,” Venti said, flicking the Anemo Vision dangling from Makoto’s necklace. “You get here okay?”

“Well enough; I landed on Focalors’ palace and got an earful from her,” Makoto snickered. 

“Oh, you met Her Royal Sogginess already?” Venti said, swinging in front of Makoto and walking backwards so they could talk. “How did you find her?” 

“...short.” 

“You’re one to talk.” 

“You’re one to talk about me talking,” Makoto sniffed. “What are you doing out here; you told me to find you playing in a tavern.” 

“I was…andthentheythrewmeout,” Venti muttered, busying his mouth with more alcohol. 

“For what?” 

“Upstaging the other talent, I imagine,” Venti sighed airily. “The music of gods is not easily appreciated by mortals who only want hurdy-gurdy dance music about women with fat bottoms-” 

“You need to stop drinking,” Makoto said, snatching the nearly empty mug away from Venti and taking a sniff. “Yech, this smells like a blueberry pissed in a jar of rubbing alcohol.” 

“Tastes like it too,” Venti burped. “Still the only thing in this city with any punch to it…where’s Miko?”

“Fraternizing with Focalors I guess,” Makoto shrugged. “How the hell should I know?” 

“I said bring her,” Venti sighed. 

“I’m not her bloody babysitter,”  Makoto sneered. “After two weeks on a boat, I need a break from Guuji Yae’s wit…or what passes for it.” 

“I thought I told you this was serious?” Venti said, as seriously as someone with blue slushee lips could. 

“If it’s so serious, why are you drunk?” 

“Because it’s serious!” Venti hissed, grabbing Makoto’s elbow and dragging him down a side-street away from the bustling crowds. “Look, in all likelihood, everything is going to be sunshine and kittens; cold wars are cold because nobody wants them to get hot. We just need to make a few sparks, swing our metaphorical spears around—literal spears in Morax’s case—and hope everything stabilizes before the party ends!” 

“...and if it doesn’t?” Makoto asked. 

“To be honest…I haven’t thought that far ahead; I got to the call-Morax part of the plan and hopefully he will help me out with the next part,” Venti said brightly. “Relax; all you need to do is look pretty and try not to make too many enemies at the punch table.” 

“I can promise to do neither,” Makoto grumbled. “When is that old snake supposed to get here?” 

“Who are you referring to as a snake?” Makoto looked up, spying a slender figure with green hair perched on the ledge of a rooftop. 

“None of your concern,” Makoto sighed, shooing the stranger away and receiving a cold glare in return. “We’re in the middle of something; kindly find some other rooftop to haunt before I-” 

“Hang on, I know that voice!” Venti cried, snatching Makoto’s hat and using it to shield his eyes from the sun. “...hey, it is Xiao! What’s it been, twenty-five years since I last saw you?” 

“Twenty seven,” Xiao replied, hopping off the roof and landing light as a feather next to Venti. “Morax made no mention of your invitation to this gala…what are you doing here?” 

“Getting drunk,” Venti and Makoto replied at the same time. 

“That was a given,” Xiao sighed, looking Makoto up and down. “Who is this?” 

“Someone you should speak to with a little more respect,” Makoto said.

“Should I?” Xiao replied icily. 

“Heyyyyy let me introduce you guys!” Venti said, stepping between them before they could violently introduce themselves. “Makoto, Xiao; Xiao, Makoto. There, we’re all friends now.

“Are we?” Makoto asked. 

“You guys are both beloved and cherished Chosen of Anemo, so that practically makes us family!” Venti said, throwing his arms around both of their necks. “Where’s your man, Xiao?” 

“My…oh.” Xiao rolled his eyes. “Morax elected not to attend this gala to avoid ruffling the Hydro Sovereign's feathers…which I find remarkably considerate given that the last time he was here he was rudely assaulted by Neuvillette for no reason.” 

“The Hydro Sovereign?” Makoto echoed. “You told me he was a dragon, you didn’t tell me he was a Sovereign. Don’t tell me that fairy tale from Enkonomiya has any legitimate weight.” 

“It’s got more than weight; it has a big, scary dragon like all good fairy tales do,” Venti chuckled. “Speaking of dragons, I figured since Xiao was here, Morax would be as well but I haven’t seen scale or tail of that old sidewinder since I got here.” 

“Maybe he’s not coming; Miko said she spoke to someone from the Qixing before getting back on the boat, but for all I know she just moped around the bars until it was time to leave again,” Makoto shrugged.

“Wait, wait, are you telling me Morax might not have gotten my message?!” Venti hissed, grabbing Makoto’s lapels. 

“If you were that worried, you should have crawled out from a wine bottle and asked him yourself!” Makoto said, slapping Venti’s hands away. 

“Well why did you leave it up to Miko?! You should have gone yourself!” Venti snapped, poking Makoto in the chest. 

“Hi Qixing, it’s me, the son of the Raiden Shogun who nobody has heard about; please believe me and take me to your god!” Makoto sneered. “Miko is the only one of us with any goddamn clout!” 

“So you made her do your dirty work?!” 

“You’re making me do your dirty work; how is that any different?!” 

“Because you are my strongest-” Venti glanced at Xiao. “Second strongest soldier!” 

“Second strongest?!” 

“You’ve only had your Vision for ten years!” 

“I’ll show you second strongest you little-” 

“Oof, let go!” Xiao had witnessed many battles in his life, but the feeble struggle between two skinny little dandies was far and away the most pathetic fight he had ever seen. 

Lo and behold the Anemo Archon, Xiao thought, watching Venti fail to escape Makoto’s headlock. Thank Celestia Morax behaves with a little more dignity…I can’t imagine pledging myself to someone like-

“Psst, what’s going on?” 

“Barbatos and his new pet project are in the middle of-” Xiao flinched as he suddenly recognized the voice, whipping around to come face-to-face with a pair of glowing red eyes. “Wh-What are you doing here?” 

“Aiya, you ghost us for six months and that’s the first thing out of your mouth when you see me again?” Hu Tao sighed. “You might want to brush up on your manners before you meet Lady Furina; they’re touchy about manners in this country.” 

“Hey, is that Unbound Flame?” Venti’s voice was muffled by the cape Makoto had pulled over his head but a quick elbow to his gut freed him long enough to right his outfit. 

“It’s Hu Tao these days,” Hu Tao said. 

“Since when?” Venti asked. 

“Since the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s last director died and his ‘granddaughter’ took over the family business,” Hu Tao said cheerfully. “It pays to have mortals who will give you a cover story every once and a while. You still go by Venti?” 

“Why mess with a classic?” Venti chuckled. “On the subject of names, the oaf in the straw hat is-” 

“Makoto,” Makoto said, adjusting his hat with as much dignity as he could. “Let me guess, this lady is another random spirit from Liyue?” 

“Mmhmm!” Hu Tao said, eyes flickering as she leaned uncomfortably close and cocked her head. “And what does that make you? Not a god…not a person…not a spirit…and not an animal, unless you’re hiding a tail under that coat-” 

“A-Animal?”

“Nothing to be ashamed of; I was a butterfly before I learned to grow a body,” Hu Tao remarked, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “You with Miko’s crew?” 

“She is with my crew, not the other way around!” Makoto insisted. “I have higher rank than she does; she’s just along to-” 

“Uh-huh, you’re very special,” Venti said, patting Makoto on the cheek absentmindedly. “Where’s your man, butterfly?” 

“Looking for you, songbird,” Hu Tao sighed, flicking a ring on her thumb inlaid with glowing golden stone. The ring pulsed, a wave of golden light rippling out and pinging off a heavy gold stone hanging off Xiao’s waist before spreading out and into the crowd.  “You are the biggest pain in the butt to get a hold of.” 

“You came here with Morax?” Xiao interjected. “He made me swear on his name to not start trouble in Fontaine; his presence here makes it very difficult to keep that promise.” 

“We’re not the ones starting trouble,” Hu Tao sighed. “Look, we have reason to believe that-” 

“Shhhh!” Venti hissed, pulling Hu Tao deeper into the alleyway and nervously glancing around the street. “Don’t blow our cover…look, I would have told Morax about this last month so he could change his travel plans. But I got caught and had to lie low for a while. The fact that I made it here without my braids getting torn off is a small miracle, but-” 

Venti grabbed Xiao’s lapel, dragging him in and hissing something in his ear before he could be pushed off. 

“...what?” Xiao said flatly. “You’re sure?” 

“Nope…but I hope to be very soon,” Venti said. “And if I am sure, I hope to have someone taller and much stronger than me by my side to help prevent it. I would have liked the Shogun to be here as well, but-” 

“=you will have to make due with me.” Makoto glanced behind him, craning his neck up at a tall, immaculately dressed young man who somehow felt older than the stones beneath his feet. Venti was an Archon; Makoto had been birthed from an Archon’s power. Yet this man was different from both of them; even the air that Makoto had become attuned to seemed heavier in his presence and he carried himself like someone who had seen and slain worse things than Makoto could even imagine. 

The magnitude of Morax in the flesh was somehow diminished by the tower of doughnuts he carried around on a large wooden stick. 

“You’re here?” Xiao said, stumbling forward and moving to bow until Zhongli caught him under one arm. “I-I thought you were staying home.” 

“Apologies for the sudden change of plans but someone said this was urgent,” Zhongli said, eyes turning to Venti. “Barbatos.” 

“Morax,” Venti said, glancing at the tower of doughnuts Zhongli carried with him.“Have you been looking for doughnuts this whole time?” 

“I was looking for you; I look less suspicious if I pretend to be a partygoer,” Zhongli said, turning to Makoto with a curious cock of his head. “...Makoto, I presume?” 

“Rex…Lapis…Morax, or whatever you’re called,” Makoto said, attempting to maintain some of his dignity in the presence of someone older than even his mother. 

“Rex Lapis Morax…that’s a bit much, even for me,” Zhongli said with a thoughtful nod, offering his rod of donuts to Hu Tao. “You look like your mother.” 

“Not as much as I used to, thanks to your friend,” Makoto laughed bitterly, nodding in Venti’s direction. “Please tell me you don’t plan on fighting with a donut stick.” 

“Course not; I plan on fighting with a doughnut stick,” Hu Tao said, dumping the doughnuts on the ground and spinning the stick between her fingers. “Ooh, cherrywood; you know what I like!” 

“And here I was concerned that you didn’t bring any weapons,” Makoto sighed. “While we’re at it, does anyone want to get a sausage on a stick or a pretzel as a backup-ow!” 

Makoto winced as Hu Tao clocked him in the nose with the tip of her stick.  

“You’re trying to be funny, but I was burying angry ghosts with toothpicks while your mama was still learning to swing a spear,” Hu Tao said, tucking the stick into her belt. 

“I can vouch for that; it was…interesting to watch,” Zhongli mused, lost in a violent memory before realizing where he was. “All that to say, we ought to speak somewhere more private…” 

Snapping his fingers, a large brown and gold teapot materialized in front of him, hovering in the air suspended by small clouds. 

“...do you have teacups to go with that?” Makoto asked as Zhongli took the lid off the pot. “Or do we have to take turns sipping from the-hey!” 

Venti pushed him forward, watching as a cloud of mist swirled around him and sucked him into the teapot. 

“...Anemo exalts the strangest people,” Zhongli said.

“Hey, being an absolute weirdo is a prerequisite for receiving any Vision, including Geo Visions,” Venti huffed, watching as Zhongli replaced the lid on the teapot and banished it again with a snap of his fingers. “Are we not going in with him?” 

“...eventually,” Zhongli said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Before we do…tell me how you suspect someone is planning to kill the Hydro Archon.”

[bapydemonprincess]

Seb patching up Bard’s hand after the chef was careless and burned it while cooking?

Welp, I hope you enjoy this, friend, because besides the fun of trying to continue this already established ship in this verse along with this scenario you presented me with.. I got an extra idea to add to the recipe, as it were. 😈

The butler heard a familiar yell coming from the kitchen, and yet it was much more pained than usual.

The demon felt it was necessary in this moment to.. cheat a little, bringing his form instantly to the kitchen, from upstairs where he'd been dusting bookshelves, to arrive before any kind of disaster could strike.

...Not as if he'd been keeping his hearing specifically tuned into that section of the manor recently while he was too far away..

Not as if he could sense the danger before he heard it as his own mind filled with pain, panic, and surprise and embarrassment.

Sebastian still made sure he was outside the kitchen door so he could swing it open in his honest haste and panic and rush in to see what was going on.

"Bardroy, what happened-"

"Ohhh, fuck off."

Sebastian froze at that sharp response, eyes wide, the words themselves slapping him more than being interrupted.

The embarrassment was raising. It was through the roof. The demon felt himself like he wanted to run and hide as if it were his own.

"M'hand fucking slipped okay, I'm workin' on cleanin' it, I got it, you can very well piss off and-"

"No, let me see your hand,"

The butler marched in further, quickly assessing what had happened and what the chef had just told him in those few seconds.

He was picking up a big stew pot off the floor and a wooden stirring spoon, there was hot stew of some kind- likely meat and potatoes -all over the floor.

His sharp gaze even found a now soggy cigarette among the stew, and before the chef stood up, he'd seen the man's red skin on his already calloused palm.

Perhaps the fool had likely been trying to idly smoke while cooking this stew, and the cigarette fell at one point from his mouth into the flames of the stove.

"Let me see it," he demanded again, charging closer still to grab the other man's hand just after he'd put the pot back down properly.

"Oi, what the hell-"

Sebastian was holding his hand firmly in both of his, a thumb idly running over the burns, and noting when the chef hissed in response.

And then..

Sebastian sighed, and quietly murmured, more to himself.

"Thank goodness, only a minor burn."

And then he was turning and tugging the same hand with him to follow.

"You'll only need a quick bandaging.. And perhaps.. to stay away from hot surfaces for a while.. if you can manage."

"Awright, THASSIT."

Bard angrily tore his hand away and took a step back, though the pain in his hand was his prize for such a reaction, he seemed beyond caring about that.

"What the 'ell 'as been with you, man! You've been in here almost twice as much as usual, not even t'cook or clean or tell me t'do somethin', but t'just bloody check up on me as if it's me first day all over again! Now you suddenly think a small burn is gonna kill me??"

And then for some reason the butler was staying turned away, having whirled away in seconds after Bard's tangent, a scowl and perhaps.. blush ..appearing on his face.

"The reason I've become more diligent should be clear as day, Bardroy. I've.. had to since you've clearly recently seen fit to spacing off more than usual lately! This cannot continue, even if it means I have to treat you like this, as if I have to keep watch on you like a mother does her child to make sure they don't hurt themselves."

"Yeah, or nag me more than usual like a bloody wife does a husband??"

Sebastian was grabbing his hand again, uncaring it was the burnt one he was yanking and pulling on.

"Come, I'll treat the burn at once,"

Bard grimaced, but decided to stop struggling in arguing, in favor of growing more curious than angry- baffled even -over the butler's new found need to set him straight in this manner.

Soon they were at the closet with the necessary ointment and bandages and the butler finally released his hand in favor of snatching them up.

the chef meanwhile still eyed him.

Despite this change, the other man was still very brisk and straight forward, as if he too wanted to just get this over with.

"I don't think I even need t'get this patched up, y'know. I've had worse.. and you very well know that."

"A burn is still a burn, non the less, Bard," the man ahead of him simply countered.

And now they were back to the kitchen.

The butler didn't even need to get the chef to sit, he was already doing so, and even freely putting his burned hand out on top of the table.

The butler was right away getting water on a damp towel now, then sitting beside him, and getting to work dabbing at the burns.

Bard had finally chosen to just let this happen.

He supposed if.. it made Sebastian feel better or.. whatever... he'd let him do this.

And in fact, just realizing such a thing himself had him eyeing the butler..

Who truly was focused on smearing that ointment all over his burns, ruining his glove in the process, and then taking the bandages to wrap his hand up.

...

In truth the demon was trying his damnedest not to think of this blasted human watching him, starting to see the truth under his façade of formality. Sensing through this blasted .. THING.. his confusion turning to curiosity and then to amusement!

"Oi," Bard had hunched in close.

"Y'mind give'n it a kiss as well, t'help the pain?"

His voice a high lilt of blatant mockery.

The butler had just finished his final wrapping, and while those dark glinting eyes had shifted from his work to the chef's face, he'd suddenly let his lips part...

Mouth opening wide enough to show off sharp front canines.

That snapped off the rest of the remaining gauze in one bite.

The chef jolted at just that... but only a tiny bit...

He knew damn well this particular butler had fangs.. He'd seen them enough times when the man was yelling at him, after all.

But he had no idea how he had them. At least not yet...

"I wouldn't want to exacerbate your wound after all of this, now, would I?"

Bard's eyes narrowed and.. he took too long to answer.

Sebastian was still watching him as he lifted the bandaged hand and..

...Proceeded to lower his fangs very very lightly over his palm.

He didn't press in. Just lightly gnawed a little.

"It means to make something worse, Bard,"

Sebastian said this while still having Bard's hand slightly in his mouth.

...

Curiously there was nothing, no feel for the man's emotional response during this moment. As if in this second the new bond was broken all on account of Bard's mind currently too broken to express anything.

And then his entire face lit up like a flame as he nearly jumped up from his seat.

"I KNEW THAT!! OI, GET YOUR WEIRD BEASTIE TEETH OUTTA ME HAND!!"

Sebastian obeyed, but not without letting out an open chuckle, fangs still on display as he pulled back and straightened up.

"Very well, we're all done here, I think. Now maybe you will refrain from trying to cook things without my supervision, hm? Especially if you don't want these kinds of situations to transpire."

He had gotten up and casually pulled off his sullied left glove, turning to throw it out so he could replace it.

"Yeah, well, like I said, it was unnecessary t'begi-"

Bard froze, eyes locked on the butler's bare left hand.

And the mark he'd seen, clear as day, on the back of his left hand.

Confusion. Fear. Confusion. Fear. Curiosity. But more confusion. More fear.

Sebastian whirled about, eyes wide with alarm suddenly, questioning and concern on his features openly.

"Bard, what's wrong??"

"Y-You- You... Er... I..."

He stood up abruptly. So violently, in fact, the chair toppled.

His eyes stared at Sebastian differently this time.

And he was suddenly drenched in sweat.

"..Bard??" Sebastian asked again, naturally taking another step closer to the other again, and lifting his hand to reach out.

The man flinched.

And then started running.

And he'd left the kitchen.

Not answering the butler's call.

Not explaining himself at all.

And even when the butler could no longer hear the trampling of his boots as he ran away down the hall.

...The demon could still feel his pure terror and confusion.

....Through this blasted new mating bond they'd some how happened to form during this peculiar time of new experiences.

"...Hm."

Sebastian had by now noticed his left hand he'd been reaching out towards Bard- the one he'd taken his glove off of that had gotten sullied with the ointment used for caring for this man -openly displaying his mark of his contract.

Of his demonic seal.

"What.. perfect timing."

The demon muttered bitterly, glaring at that familiar symbol that would not be going away any time soon.

...

Just like this bond wasn't, either.

[wesleysniperking]

Usopp and Radical Edward would be best friends.

They have that same whimsical energy w/ that tinker dreams and DIY vibe. They’d feed off of each other well. I can just see it. And they’re both ENTPs. So, that ENTP energy would make them a dream team, and pretty comedic. They’re also my favorite anime characters.

She’d give him a nickname.

Ed’s nicknames for Usopp:

Sniper King

Sogeking (but she’d shorten it to “Soge” or “Soggy”)

Green Nose

Brave Bard

Captain Crybaby

Golden Lies

Pop Green Pirate

Treasure Tale Teller

He’d make a weapon for her.

Maybe a compact handheld device resembling a futuristic gadget with various knobs, buttons, and a small screen. She could use it to bypass security measures, and create holographic decoys of the user (herself) to confuse enemies.

Kinda like the Climatact but for a hacker. But it’d be called the Trickster Blaster or something.

They’d both find each other so cool. He’d be amazed by her hacking abilities, and she’d find his inventions so awesome. He would tolerate her idiosyncrasies because he’s pretty odd himself. Luffy would probably get a long with her too. But not intellectually in tune based on interest (no, Luffy isn’t dumb). They’re just not on the same level like that.

Yes, she’s 12/13. And he’s 17/19 (depending on pre or post ts). But I’m talking about from a besties standpoint, and they could meet each other when they’re much older (but it’s not really weird given Usopp works well with kids), and I don’t “ship it” 😕. It’s a friendship ship. 😌

[ladytesla]

The Great Faerun Baking Show (part four)

Hi, remember me? Wasn't in the best headspace for a bit, but now I'm gonna try and follow through with all this.

For those of you who are just stopping by, I had a horrible idea a while ago and this is the result. I have no idea what's going to happen or who's going to win. I’m just going to roll a D20 ‘bake check’ for everyone and write out the results, including what everyone rolled so y’all know I’m not cheating just so my druid boyfriend can win.  The person with the lowest total score (out of a possible score of 60) goes home.

We've got the main 6 companions, Jaheira, Halsin, Minsc (and Boo), Minthara, Dammon, and my tav Medora (who y'all can just pretend is Alfira if you don't want someone else's tav in the story, since they're both female bards)

Week One, Cake Week: Star baker was Karlach, Minthara went home

Week Two, Biscuit Week: Star baker was Halsin, Shadowheart went home

Week Three, Bread Week: Star baker was Wyll, Jaheira went home

Week Four: Pies and Tarts, or "Ammunition to Throw in Dribbles' Face"

Signature: Wellington

Astarion: Lamb wellington. It was quite dry, and the fake blood garnish was in poor taste, but it was at least edible.

Dammon: Vegetarian wellington. He miscalculated how much moisture the veggies would have, and his wellington turned out quite soggy.

Gale: Bream wellington with veggies. He tried to bring in some Waterdhavian flair to his recipe, and it worked really well for him.

Halsin: Vegan mushroom wellington. It was very badly misshapen and the puff pastry was somehow charred at one end and underbaked at the other.

Karlach: Chicken wellington with cherry sauce. The flavors were lovely and incredibly well balanced, and earned her a Hollywood Handshake.

Lae'zel: Curried monkfish wellington. The flavors were so unique and the bake was so well executed that she got a Hollywood Handshake.

Medora: Venison wellington. She got distracted by Halsin's biceps and burned it to a crisp. The oven even caught on fire, which caused more than a little panic until Gale used magic to put it out. The wellington-shaped charcoal briquet found in the oven was unable to be judged.

Minsc: Pork wellington. The puff pastry didn't puff whatsoever.

Wyll: Traditional beef wellington. The problem with classics is that you have to execute it absolutely perfectly. And he did! And got a Hollywood Handshake to boot.

Technical: 12 Egg Custard Tarts

We only had one tie this week, and scores scattered all across the board. Worst to best:

9. Lae'zel 8. Halsin 7. Karlach 6. Medora 5. Astarion 4. Dammon 3. Minsc 2. Wyll 1. Gale

Showstopper: Designer Fruit Tart

Astarion: He used all citrus fruits in his tart, which worked well with the chocolate custard he made. It was noted that he's relied on citrus and chocolate before, but the judges were hardly complaining.

Dammon: Once again the resident blacksmith has proven that he has quite the eye for detail, as his tropical fruit tart was perfectly precise and artfully decorated. He earned a Hollywood Handshake.

Gale: Created a lovely fruit mosaic tribute to his former 'friend' the Netherese Orb. Unfortunately that might have jinxed the tart, as he tripped and dropped it on the way to it being judged.

Halsin: Again, he'd harvested all the berries himself for his tart. Cloudberries, mulberries, sea buckthorn... he tried to find berries most people might not know about. The pastry case was a bit crumbly, but otherwise the presentation was lovely.

Karlach: Her tart had red fruit, red custard, and red tart dough. While the flavors were all right, the presentation was very much lacking. But as we know, Karlach is very unapologetic about presentation if something tastes good.

Lae'zel: May or may not have used fruit from the astral plane that causes hallucinations. To her credit, she didn't know said fruit causes hallucinations in istiks. The fruit provided a lovely light blue color to her presentation that hadn't been seen before, and once the judges didn't think their hands were melting anymore, they admitted it tasted quite lovely.

Medora: She started out rough this week, but managed to pull through with a tart featuring stone fruit like peaches and plums. The salted caramel drizzle on top really tied everything together.

Minsc: Noel Fielding played a joke and pretended to kidnap Boo. Enraged, Minsc instinctively threw what he had with him at the host... which unfortunately meant his tart sailed across the tent and hit Noel in the back of the head. Unfortunately, that meant said tart was unable to be judged. They both profusely apologized to each other and let Boo eat as many crumbs as he wanted, though.

Wyll: Apparently Duke Ravenguard enjoys a good fruit tart, so Wyll used all of his father's favorite fruits in the design he made. It was beautiful, and very well-balanced in flavor.

The Results:

Our star baker AGAIN this week, with a whopping 55/60, is Wyll!

And unfortunately, due to throwing a tart as well as his score of 22/60, Minsc (and Boo) have to leave the tent.

Feel free to play along in the comments! How would your tav or favorite npc compare?

Next week is Underdark Week. Have your antidotes ready.

[vernalloy]

Do you have any thoughts on the classpects of Ghost Quartet characters beyond the fool?

For fun, I aligned them each with one aspect across their timelines. Rose with Time, Pearl with Space, Brent with Void, and Dave with... Heart, I think.

Rose is a Time player, apart from the obvious joke, because of the cycles, vengeance, and desire to tear apart the world. She's haunted, death follows her every step. She never sits around. She even symbolically captures time in taking the photograph.

Pearl in most of her timelines is a Seer of Space to me-- one who invites knowledge of creation through creation. She's heavily associated with storytelling. Maybe Scheherazade is a Mage of Space, having been emptied of her stories, inverted to an Heir of Time. One who manipulates/inherits endings. I'm unsure of Lady Usher, she stands apart from other Pearls, but there's something to be said again, of her relationship to storytelling and role as mother and daughter of Rose in that timeline.

I collected some thoughts on Brent's overall character a while ago, but I want to reiterate them here. He is defined by loss, absence, solitude, mystery. He is barely at the center of any song. Roxie asks where he is when she dies. ("I'm right here.") Bad Men best exemplifies his relationship to Void, I feel. "A wasted sack of a man / An empty, brown paper bag, soggy and gross // If you can lose your temper / Then I can lose my mind."

I think The Astronomer (the song) is the purest argument I have for Dave being a Heart player rejecting his role. He's not rational, as much as he'd like to be, and very confused about his identity, and so clings onto illusions of being smarter than others. He's moved by Rose's poetry in The Telescope while he supplies the more prosaic facts. Also, he fills the temptress archetype. While romance is not inherently aligned with Heart, I do think there's something there. I think he's a Bard for the most part.

[bretongirlwrites]

tagged by @sheirukitriesfandom for this tag game... tagging anyone who wants to participate :) i've delved into the entire julienne canon for this

A line from your fic that makes you laugh

‘I’m a forester,’ said he, ‘a local forester: and I’ve seen you gallivanting about the place, evaporating trolls and what-not: and the city guard’s always short of people who can… evaporate trolls. And what-not.’

(i didn’t know how to finish this line so i put the last bit as a placeholder and now it’s stuck)

A line from your fic that makes you sad

Malborn possessed, was so perfectly not him, that I did not at first see him, nor want to see him. Malborn at the Earth-stone with the others, with their voice, – 

(from this fic)

A line from your fic you're proud of

‘Keep your secrets,’ I cried, trampling some volume which overreaching, had gone diving into the ink, ‘keep your damp soggy books, keep your damn Seekers,’ head still spinning from one, which having got in Apocrypha more legs than sense, had fallen wriggling to the same fate as all its knowledge, ‘keep this, for I already have one!’ throwing a first-edition Waughin Jarth almost directly upwards; and half regretting it when it fell spine cracked before me, – ‘oh! whatever can you see in me! only tell me the Word, and let me go!’

(from this fic)

A line for your fic you think could have been better

(idk since i’m at a point where i can pretty much edit any line i want hehe. currently going through old fics and rewriting them into my headcanon... lines aren't the problem, whole paragraphs are)

A line from your fic that makes you want to punch a character

And Ulfric Stormcloak himself, who had hardly dealt a blow yesterday, picked up his carving-knife as if it were his finest sword; and cut flesh.

(that man is not a warrior. he only thinks he is because he's big and ginger. from this fic)

A line from your fic that makes you go 'aww'

Looked quite directly at me: the books all forgotten: they had been special, but this must be special.  ‘Is that, – is that an Amulet of Mara?’

(from this fic)

A line from your fic that's full of symbolism

In my vigilance I wondered if I had got it all wrong, if I were not even the Dragonborn, – if the heroine required by the age, and so loved by profiteering bards, would not come like me, like a mouse; but would rather burst through a door she was too tall for, and Shout so loudly for something so trivial as a drink, that all glasses but the one steadied by her hand trembled almost onto the floor.

(don't really know what's meant by symbolism here. this is more about julienne than anything else... from this fic)

A line from your fic that contains an Easter egg

‘The green ray!’ I cried: ‘you saw the green ray. I do not know what it is. People are superstitious about it, –’ and recalling the superstitions, thought I had better not press the issue. 

(it’s not much of one but it’s the most overt jules verne reference in a fic thus far)

A line from your fic that's shocking

[...] where I had before seen it addressed to Julienne, – imagined it! – read only: Dragonborn.

(delphine gives julienne an ultimatum about paarthurnax. idk how much of this will end up in the final canon... from this fic)

A line from your fic you want to talk about more

(idk what this is supposed to be about. there are no lines in particular, more paragraphs and fics)

[fredersen]

OC ask game, for Fritz or Karl-Peter: 🐁🪨👎🎲

answering for karl-peter :)

🐁 Capybaras are friend-shaped. What shape does your OC have?

a soggy box of cigarettes left out in the rain 💞

🪨 Someone gifts your OC a shiny rock. What do they do with it?

he accepts the gift and keeps it in the back of his mind so he can hold it over the person later when he needs something from them (and of course, makes a note of it in that person’s record - how did they get their hands on something so special, anyways?)

👎 Is there someone your OC can’t stand, despite them being on the same side or sharing basic values?

he (secretly) loathes his superiors and hopes to someday gain enough power to oust them from their positions and run things his way.

his condescending and rude demeanor towards his coworker/partner in state-sanctioned crime lena might appear to outsiders as if he can’t stand her, but it’s more like a bizarre psychosexual obsession and he’s actually been trying to cheat on his wife with her ever since they met (this has been wholly unsuccessful)

🎲 If your OC played a pen and paper RPG, what class would they pick? Warrior, mage, thief, ranger, cleric, paladin, druid, necromancer, bard (or other, if that’s not enough).

probably a ranger… his character is a blatant self-insert and he acts like it’s just him in real life without the severe personality flaws but in reality it’s a manifestation of his secret love for cowboy novels/movies lol

BONUS doodles of him being silly goofy funny 💖

[cao-the-dreamer]

10 characters, 10 fandoms

Tagged by @greypetrel thank you! This looks fun, though idk if I'll reach 10 knowing my very few hyperfixations 😂

Tagging @lush-specimen @torisfeather @dangerouslyclassyhottub @emikokiichigo101 @selanaris @notebooks-and-laptops and YOU, the reader

1. Whirl - Transformers (IDW)

Listen. He's insane, he adopts a murderous shape-shifting creature as his daughter, he's got high heels, he spent most of the comic playing matchmaker despite saying he doesn't do "relationships", he provoked a war, he becomes best friends with the guy he tried to kill (and vice versa), he's a war criminal but since they're all war criminals it doesn't mean much lmao. Do I have to say more?

2. Batman (played Robert Pattinson) - Batman 2022

Batman but he's a soggy wet emo cat. Wanna wrap him in a blanket and listen to My Chemical Romance together.

3. Jaskier - The Witcher (TV)

Honestly he's the only reason I'm in this fandom lol. Bard but he's a damsel in distress. Let's put him in situations.

4. Fenris - Dragon Age II

Kiss me already, you handsome broody elf with a tortured past.

5. Belle - Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Me? Projecting on a beloved character from my teen years? It's more likely than you think :3

6. Mulan - Mulan 1998

Projecting again? Projecting again.

7. Papyrus - Undertale

Beloved character and beloved video game who introduced me to the concept of fandom as a whole and to my very first fanfictions.

8. Tzipporah - Prince of Egypt

Absolute queen. It's a movie I watch over and over with pleasure, and she's my favourite character.

9. Zagreus - Hades Supergiant

...I think the GIF speaks for itself XD

10. Giant - The Iron Giant

Shut up I'm not crying over a robot who doesn't want to kill SHUT UP I'M NOT--

[aldasart]

@bards-reblogs Cairn is probably one of my better liked characters which is surprising to me since *i* didnt even like him at first lol. I guess he just has that soggy dog charm!

[abyssalaerlocke]

Splash Landing — Deep Dive: Gale

This is a continuation on the Subnautica AU. You can find the other post here, but I think this one is spoiler free (for Subnautica), and can be read on its own. Starts trivia, turns story. You'll love it

You crash land on an alien planet in the far reaches of space. Teleportation spells would be a great help in getting home, right?

We're looking at Teleportation Circle or Teleport, which are both wizard spells. Gale would need to be at least a level 9 wizard and know the sigils of a permanent teleportation circle, or level 13 wizard 😬

The former may be a possibility, but not something he anticipated needing and included in his prepared spells the day of the crash. Since he loses access to his spellbook, he doesn't have the means to update his spells (which leaves him woefully unprepared, his True Resurrection paper got soggy, Halsin had to use Reincarnation...)

So, what's a wizard to do?

Well, the teleportation spells are also bard spells. Gale is someone who keeps a flute on his person and made it a requirement for not staying dead and blowing everyone up. He also loves books and stories.

And has a devastating lack of books and stories. The databank entries from what he and and his companions scan are intellectually stimulating, and a sweet gesture (Karlach swimming evasively around a big beastie with her scanner as it gnashes at her, and triumphantly giving Gale the data), but a man needs narrative for the soul.

I like the idea that it's not entirely intentional... Maybe he tried the flute, but it has limited usefulness on a water planet, and he got dejected about pursuing this whole bard thing.

He starts telling stories, just for something more pleasant to think about than their current situation. Stories about himself, stories about people he knows, historical figures and events, fictional stories he remembers.

When one of the companions had a terrifying run-in with a creature giving them a chomp, he sits them down and does his best to patch them up with a medkit, telling a story to try and calm them down. The soft and soothing way he speaks, the fond smile at a memory... He really hasn't done much, physically, but their wounds are feeling much better.

In stressful situations where they're being attacked, or hiding or lost while they watch their oxygen tick down, he tells anecdotes over comms. "Did I ever tell you about the time..." Sometimes they have the strong urge to shout "Not the time!" but suddenly a giant hand will be holding the creature in place, or move some wreckage out of the way, or they'll suddenly be able to orient themself and retrace their steps.

At the base, he'll tell stories to the gathered companions, hands animated, the way he weaves a tale has their rapt attention. He'll tell stories to animals that manage to break through the language barrier, or they just find his waving antics amusing and curious, and want to protect this strange biped.

[baldursgrave69]

My brother and I have been playing a campaign together, twin bard brothers named Vessel and Thanatos. They have a band called Krusty Korter. Their first ep came out with classics such as:

My girl is on fire and my mustache is gone

Gales soggy shoes

That pale gentleman (he’s a vampire)

16 fish heads and 1 bottle of wine

[genshin-obsessed]

heck yeah!! okay- can u please write kaeya, diluc, venti, and if its not too much zhongli(if you write for him ofc) with an s/o who's super shy n sweet but knows how to make a comeback? like say someone makes fun of s/o and they make a super savage and sarcastic comment and it takes them aback! ty if u do write it 💜

Ok, ok, ok. So I had a bit of a hard time with this, like I have decent comebacks but it’s gotta be in the moment. I didn’t have a moment. So all of them (except kaeya) are borrowed from friends or online :’) I also hate these and feel like I did no one any justice T^T so I’m sorry

He’s always felt really protective of you. You’re cute, shy, adorable and there’s nothing wrong with that, but whenever someone makes you uncomfortable, he HATES it [see: “When Someone Flirts with You”].

Your shyness was so cute though. He loved doing little things to tease you and watch as you turned into a blushing mess.

Now you see, the one thing he didn’t know about you was that you’re shy BUT YOU AREN’T SCARED TO PUT A BITCH IN HER PLACE.

Kaeya’s pretty. Believe it or not, he’s actually quite popular with the girls (roast me if I’m wrong). Well, there was a girl who knew you were dating him and she still insisted on hitting on him.

You were really calm with it too, standing behind her with your arms crossed and a light glare pointed towards her.

“You look like a Hilichurl on drugs. Walk away.” And she did.

Venti loves your shyness. It’s cute- too cute for him to handle at times. He likes it when you blush or when you hide your face in your hands or behind your hair. He used to wonder if you were maybe non confrontational. He would completely understand it, but seeing as how shy you were, it was safe to say if someone did come bother you, you may need help.

Venti’s a tiny guy, but he’s pretty strong. He’s an archon after all. He’s got his arsenal of insults or witty comebacks but boy oh boy, he did NOT expect yours.

Venti was a bard, and he loved singing for you and others. One day, later in the evening, Venti was performing for you and you were happily enjoying the show. Until a guard approached you two, one you knew well. He’d been quite a problem recently.

“Hey! You stupid bard! Why don’t you get a real, stable job?!” You didn’t even skip a beat before saying:

“Why don’t you get a stable marriage?”

Venti’s eyes widened as he looked back and forth between you and the guard before he slowly turned around and left.

You often had a habit of hiding behind Diluc when it came to bothersome people. He just radiated intimidation.

Because of this, Diluc was always weary of people bothering you. He was really good at picking up on cues and he would know if you were upset or uncomfortable.

Because of all of this, he didn’t expect that you would have some serious comebacks and insults. Every time you respond to someone with that sass, he dies a little on the inside.

He’s so damn proud of you! He just stands there with his arms cross with a smirk on his face. 

There was a girl, one who knew you well, who just wouldn’t lay off. She would often shamelessly flirt with Diluc RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Normally, you’d ignore her and Diluc shut her down every time. But this once… just this once…

“Ok, listen here you soggy piece of moldy bread, I have tolerated you for far too long. You know Diluc and I are in a relationship and if you continue to talk to him, ignoring my existence, I’m going to kick your ass so hard, whoever pulls my shoe out of your ass will be crowned King Arthur.” She never bothered you again :)

He’s a really nice, sweet, intelligent man. But he doesn’t mind smacking a bitch up for you.

You’re his amazing, beautiful, shy girlfriend. He loves you so much and he just wants to keep you safe. He loves it when you get super shy and blushy, that’s his favorite look on you.

He does get a little worried when people bother you. You aren’t confrontational and when people pelt insults at you- if they dare- he’s at your side ready to handle the situation.

The first time he heard your rare insults, he almost choked on the tea he was drinking. He really didn’t expect it, but he LOVED it. Every time someone pushes your buttons, he just waits behind you excitedly.

“This can’t be the person you’re dating!”

“I am and if you keep that up, I’ll break every bone in your body in alphabetical order. Oh, the trash gets picked up tomorrow, so be ready.”