#the autism is kicking in guys be very afraid!!!

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Personal rant bc we haven't gotten my official results yet but we did get a very stressful phone call about it, and because adhd has been kicking my ass lately. This is going to be long and rambly and all over the place, and if you're anti self-dx, I wouldn't suggest reading further (or interacting with me in general). It also sort of becomes just me psychoanalyzing my own behavior and infodumping about it

-------------------------------------------------------

For context, I'm autistic and adhd, and I went and talked to a psychologist a couple weeks ago and had some testing done

Personally, I don't really feel the need to have an official diagnosis for autism. I'm confident in my informed self-diagnosis (technically it was actually my parents who first suggested I might be autistic but I've learned a lot about it since then and now I'm pretty sure I'm more convinced than they are) and I just don't think a doctor's note will do much for me (totally understand and support anyone who does want to get diagnosed tho). Adhd however is another story. If I want meds that will actually work and accommodations with my school, they need proof, and as things are I am desperate for some help.

So the appointment I had a couple weeks ago was supposed to be for adhd testing, but apparently he also lowkey tested me for autism while we were there. Which like, fine, whatever, it would be sort of nice to have that validated I guess, but when we checked back in with him on the phone earlier this week he started using outdated and problematic terms like high-functioning and aspergers and I'll just say that it did not exactly inspire confidence

But that can of worms aside, let me get back to (mostly) adhd related ranting

I feel like there could be an essay about how the diagnostic process for adhd is flawed and doesn't work all that well for people who have an internalized notion that their worth as a person is dependent on their academic success and task performance and therefore spent their childhood and adolescence funneling all their efforts time and attention into school and generally being seen as a good well-behaved bright kid out of desperation to have value (and it worked- I've always made good grades, but what people don't see is the days, weeks, months of paralyzed procrastination, the anxiety-fueled mad rush in the end to get things done late, and the grace I'm inexplicably shown every time, without which my grades would be much worse)

I'm scared, that I'm going to be determined "too high functioning" to be diagnosed even though I'm currently doing basically nothing with my life outside of college and yet I'm technically failing like half of my classes right now, that they're going to say "well the signs weren't there when you were younger" even though there's a variety of explanations for why that might be, not the least of which being the fact that for some folks with both autism and adhd the traits of the two have a tendency to "hide" one another

Apparently he also ran an iq test on me, and he broke down the 5 scores to us; I scored in the upper average/above average bracket in all but the 4th, processing speed, in which I'm below average. And like yeah, I'm well aware that I'm slow, but I guess it's official now-

Anyway, my main point with the iq thing was that while he was telling us about my high scores in the first 3 areas, I'm sitting here getting more and more uneasy, bc I'm like yeah sure I'm intelligent or whatever but it isn't worth shit if I can't motivate myself to actually do anything with that potential, and the conditions under which I was tested just don't reflect my day to day life closely enough to give an accurate reading, in my opinion.

Basically I'm afraid this guy is going to look at the results of some tests- tests which I was really focused on bc of the intrinsic fear of failure that plagues my existence (even though rationally I know you can't fail a psychological evaluation) and bc I know it's a bitch of a process to even get tested in the first place and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity goddammit-

That he's going to look at them and decide that I'm "too smart" to have a learning disability, when, again, all the brains in the world wouldn't do me any good if I

1) don't have the ability to self-motivate and direct them at what I need to be working on, even if I've been beating myself up about that pile of homework or my disaster of a room for weeks or even months, and

2) have such a loose grasp on the concept of time and priorities that I have on multiple occasions found myself pulling all-nighters on personal projects or reading for pleasure or scrolling on my phone only to realize oh shit I have to get up for school in like two hours, oh fuck, I'm going to be exhausted all day, what happened to "let's go to sleep early this time, I'll just do this for like 5 more minutes and then call it a night"

or realize after one of those all-nighters that what was actually a period of about 10 hours feels more like 10 minutes to me ("man wasn't I literally just here to get dinner" the next morning, passing the caf on my way to class on exactly 0 hours of sleep and still having managed not to get any of my actual class work done in all that time)

And also just that tendency in itself is significant, to get so deeply hooked on something once it does manage to get my attention, that I often feel like I can't stop until outside forces demand it- staying up until 4am on a school night painting my phone case and texting my crush (14 or 15), making bracelet after bracelet at the kitchen table at ungodly hours of the night because I couldn't sleep and now that I'm on a roll I don't want to break the momentum (18, a few months ago), throwing horrific amounts of time at reading fanfiction of whatever series currently has my interest when I have so much work that needs to get done if I want to have a chance at passing my courses this semester (18, basically present), making a last minute birthday present for my aunt and being so caught up in the rush and the craft of what I was working on that I ignored my body's needs until I ended up pissing myself (12), etc

The fact that I've been meaning to catch up with my high school friends for weeks or months, literally something as simple as a "how have yall been" in the group chat, yet for some reason I still haven't gotten around to it

The fact that for all my alleged intelligence I still haven't learned to ride a bike or drive a car or apply for a job or develop a work-life balance or play any of the instruments I want to or have a thriving social life or feel like a person (I think these are more autism-related but I'm throwing them in anyway)

The fact that minor (or even just mistakenly perceived) disapproval or judgment or teasing or having a text left on read can send me spiraling into anxiety and convinced that everyone hates me and that I'm worthless or obnoxious or stupid (rejection sensitivity is a bitch)

The fact that when I try to read I have to make a constant conscious effort not to jump ahead and all over the place and I often have to reread the same passage multiple times to understand it because I realize that I wasn't actually paying attention the first couple of times, my mind elsewhere and my eyes wandering

I know even if I do get diagnosed they'll say it's inattentive, not hyperactive or combined, because the majority of my hyperactivity is either fairly subtle movements (because I'm socially anxious and clumsy and don't want to draw attention to myself or run the risk of breaking or disturbing something) or just straight up in my head. Like sure I'm not a nine year old boy who can't sit still in class and is constantly bouncing around all over the place and getting into trouble and driving his parents and teachers crazy (bc being seen as annoying and unruly by authority figures would have broken me), but there's always so much noise in my brain, it's always talking or playing music in the background or thinking about the 47 different projects I need to be working on and the media it wants to be engaging with instead and the 1000s of things there are to worry about in a day; sometimes I'll get stuck in a loop where I'm mentally repeating a word or phrase over and over and over again until I feel like I'm going crazy

All of this is stuff that this guy doesn't see, and that worries me when it comes to the validity of his assessment

But basically, what I'm trying to say is, I swear to god if the people around me don't believe that there's clearly something not neurotypical going on here I'm going to fucking riot

And, ranting aside, I want to end this post with a note to all my fellow neurodiverse folks who are waiting for answers or treatment or validation or support or whatever.

I feel you. Hang in there. You have my well wishes in your endeavors. And remember, it's ok to be happy with or proud of who you are and what makes you different, it's ok to embrace your neurodiversity while also acknowledging how difficult it can be to live with and the fact that you might need extra time or support with things that seem to come easily to other people. It's ok to admit that it's fucking hard sometimes, and it's ok to ask for help. Take care, mates

[starleska]

RAAAAH I got a job interview for my dream career field, my autism evaluator is deciding how Afflicted and Afflicted with what I am, I'm well rested, and I've had a great time talking to people today! I believe I am finally blinded by the hubris of my victories enough to tell you (and whoever may be following the saga of my ramblings in your askbox) what my Latest Fixation is! You can just dm if I say anything inane in my post-pleasant day delirium, or you can put me on blast, idc idc I'm losing my mind rn, I'm rotating this show in my head so fast.

👉👈 so...The show is called Longmire. It's an American, contemporary western, crime drama from 2012 based on the book series of the same name. It follows the titular Sheriff Walt Longmire as he tries to get his life together after the loss of his wife and solve crimes in his county and whatever he can around the neighboring Native American Reservation.

I say "whatever he can" bc The Reservation isn't actually within his jurisdiction and he's barely allowed to be there, bc they have their own police force, and THAT'S where THE GUY I keep trying to tell you about without telling you about comes in!

👉👈so...he's Tribal Police Chief Mathias Clark. Yeah I gotta say the whole thing.

We're first introduced to him when he tries to beat the ever-loving cowboy out of our protagonist for daring to show his face on The Reservation after arresting his boss, the previous Tribal Police Chief (albeit for crimes he did commit, but Walt didn't even wait for the federal police like he was supposed to, but...it was complicated, ok?)

I think he walks this nice line between upholding the law above all else; doing things often more by-the-book than any other character; being calculated and calm and sane (...despite that introduction); and, at the same time, being fiercely protective of his people and culture; considering Sheriff Walt and co. to be opportunistic, reckless, disrespectful threats and scarcely cutting them any slack and still giving them trouble when he finally does in any investigations that may lead them onto his jurisdiction; being willing to kick and bite (and occasionally blackmail, uh oh) to achieve everything he can for the good and well-being of his people on The Reservation, even if the people refuse to trust another Police Chief, or if it may cost someone else.

Ultimately, he holds the law in a very high regard but holds his people and culture higher. He's very limited in what he can do, as a tribal police chief, and he's set on being fair, but he'll do anything he possibly can to make The Reservation safe and ensure the people on it a good future. <3

Also he's got a lot of attitude and sass and is constantly mad at Walt and loves his people sm and its very endearing and funny and also don't fact check anything I've said today with a real long-time fan of the series unless I made him sound unlikable, I hope you're doing well plz take care okay bye AGAGGHAAAAA THE POST RANT CLARITY-

LORELEI YOU LITTLE LEGEND OMGGGG!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 honey i am so, so proud of you, that is absolutely amazing!!!! wow - makes me feel a lot better about a rough month that it's balanced out into a good time for a pal, eh? 🥰 ohoho FIXATION TIME!!! okay okay i am sitting cross-legged and listening eagerly :3c wow!!!!! oh my goodness first of all this show sounds so cool, i'm adding it to the watchlist immediately 👀 and second, hello Tribal Police Chief Mathias Clark!!! he sure is a handsome guy 😳😳 and from everything you've said about him, quite the catch (and exactly the kind of man you tend to fall for 😉) :3c he sounds like a wonderfully principled man who isn't afraid to protect those he cares about most...and you know what? i reckon you falling for him is a sign that you feel you deserve to be taken care of. which you do. that is so, so wonderful 💖🙈

i can imagine this is a series which touches on a lot of prevalent issues to do with the erasure of Native American culture and safety at the hands of American racism and police brutality...would you say this show does a good job of portraying that? it's not a subject i'm overly versed in being from the UK, and i'd love to get a better grounding on that even if in a fictionalised context. i'm not sure if you'd recommend the tv show or the books first, but you've certainly got me curious 👀 interesting that the first thing which comes up when you google his name is fanfiction - clearly you've got some competition in the fanbase, eh? 😉 you'd better be inviting me to the wedding!!! 🥳🥳🥳

[ask-the-observatory-gang]

==> INTRODUCTION POST <==

Meet all the guys that you can ask questions, and who will be role-playing them in responses!

(All copy pasted from discord, everything under cut!)

Violet(Vi, V):

-Draws well (I had to)

-Adhd, maybe autism, CHEWS AND GNAWS ON EVERYTHING

-Actually wears her glasses

-Very silly, acts like normal V but sometimes actually genuinely happy and nice

-Totally isn’t the cause behind the bite marks on the landing pod chairs

-Aroace & lesbian flag

-Does the Dino arm thing

-Basically just a fucking cat (purrs, meows, and all that jazz)

-A broken headlight cause yummy yummy (same with crack in tail Vial and screen)

-Acts like a silly cat

-Most of the time unaware of surroundings

-She/her

==> @conniewoof

:!Stars intro!:

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- half snow leopard (somehow)

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- slightly talker than the average drone

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- workaholic

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- thinks her scars r cool

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- their pawpads and ear stars r rlly squishy :3 and if u squish her ear stars they make a squeak sound GEHE

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- she's practically a nightlight coz of how glowy they are.. but whenever she goes to sleep they stop glowing lolz

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- rlly likes bugs and studys them nonstop

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- loves analog horror n scary stuff in general,, they just find the concept of it all rlly interesting

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- gets distracted by anything cats would💀

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- rlly likes video games and can defo kick ass in them

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- has a scary ass zombie drone/solver form

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- her nose twitches when she cries shrug emoji

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ -- her tail (elliot) is actually pretty sentient, meaning he can communicate with beeps and boops (even though star can only understand them clearly)

==> @strbrypancakesxd

《☆ Nathan ☆》

<-- ADHD -->

☆▪︎▪︎ Pansexual, Transmasc ▪︎▪︎☆

==> This little man PURRS. He is a dog at heart but he PURRS.(his favorite thing to do)

==> Hehe silly feathered wings(that could still kill a man)

==> Would unironically bark at someone if they annoyed him somehow

==> Is the sweetest guy but oh my goodness does he hold a grudge

==> "Haha oh biscuts that knife right by my heart really hurts- Do you want that back?"

==> PUZZLES. Do not give this man a puzzle he will try to solve it for the next week and no-one will see him

==> Took the nanite acid out of his tail at one point(it hurt like a bitch) and now has a empty stinger as a tail tip instead

==> OBSESSED with keeping his wings clean and nice looking, he literally will put aside any other responsibilities until they're perfect

Silly little Alaskan Malamute inspired guy :3

==> @staruzi002

❦ Revel ❦

❦ Pansexual lil guy

❦ Has a weird hyperfixation on ducks, specifically lil tiny yellow ones and really loves to make random duck comments to fill a conversation.

❦ Anything that might be yellow is going to be gone in approximately 5 seconds of him spotting it

❦ Outgoing with a passion for fashion (OUJI-) and design, has a bit of sass if you by chance try to question his fashion choices. He also uses "girl" and "sis" unironically

❦ Usually passes away at the slightest compliment and will ascend with his wings into the stratosphere to hide himself

❦ Ribbons. Ribbons are the best.

❦ Don't give him any bells or things that squeak, he will indefinitely be playing with them until they break somehow and he'll go into sad lil guy mode for a week on average

❦ “Autobots! Roll out!” *rolls down an ongoing avalanche*

❦ Deathly afraid of spiders but will disintegrate an entire colony

==> @bonkadonkss

☆▪︎▪︎☆

In a mysterious alternate version of Copper-9, this fun little group all met eachother! And now they're here to answer your questions!

So ask away folks!

☆▪︎▪︎☆

RULES --

- No NSFW. For the love of God please none.

- Be nice to the sillies(and the roleplayers) we're just here to have fun!

- These are characters that are from an active rp server, so things might change about them as we go!

- Expect text for most of the answers(unless whoevers answering feels up to doing a doodle), that'll be how they're put most of the time!

[newwwwusername]

Hey! I had seen your Breakfast Club fanfics on ao3, and they are great! I was hoping you could do one with a BenderxBrian pair

Ship: BenderxBrian

Headcanons: ADHD!Bender , Autistic!Brian

Prompt: Bender is very self conscious about having ADHD, not wanting anyone to find out about it. When Brian innocently asks a question regarding neurodivergency, Bender gets really mad. Brian tells Bender he’s autistic, and he helps Brian not feel so alone with his ADHD.

Warning : The r-word is used multiple times out of dialogue but from the perspective of an ableist, abusive parent so just keep that in mind Chronology : Post-canon Pairing : Brian/Bender Headcanons : Bender has ADHD, Autistic!Brian, they have math class together, Bender's dad is ableist (although that's hardly a headcanon cause there's no way in hell that man would be NOT ableist) Author's note : I use the term "Asperger's" here because it's more accurate to what Brian probably would've been diagnosed with given the diagnosis, however this is your friendly reminder that Asperger's is, in fact, just an outdated term for part of the Autism spectrum. Similarly, Bender's ADHD is just called ADD here.

When the doctor told Bender he had ADD, he quickly took steps to make sure no one else found out. His dad's reaction to his fuck-up son being a retard on top of everything else was bad enough. He didn't need to get the same treatment from his peers.

He was so careful with this information that when Brian innocently asked him a question about it, he flipped his shit.

"Hey" the blonde had said as he sat next to the other boy during science class. Bender was too surprised by the fact that, of all people, the nerd was talking to him during class that he didn't even manage to get a shitty remark in before the boy continued. "Sorry if this is a bit random, but I've been picking up on certain things you've been doing and, I was wondering if you maybe have, like, Attention Deficit Disorder or something, because-"

Bender kicked the boy in the shin hard and gave him a very scary look. Brian seemingly took the hint and stopped talking.

After class, Bender roughly grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the nearest bathroom. He shoved the smaller boy into the biggest stall and locked the door. Brian looked up at him as though fearing for his life but didn't dare say anything. Once the brunet was sure that the door was locked properly, he pinned his scrawny classmate against the gross tile wall, much to Brian's dismay, and leaned in really close to make sure no passing-through students heard.

"Who the fuck told you?"

"Huh?" Brian asked, confused. Bender almost smacked him but refrained, instead just holding a very stern glare toward the boy as he elaborated.

"Who the fuck told you I have that... Thing?"

"What, Attention Defici-"

"Who. Fucking. Told. You?"

"No one" Brian told him, eyes wide with fear. Bender let up his grip a little bit because he didn't want the kid to be that afraid of him. "No one told me. I figured it out on my own"

"How?"

"Well, I, uh..." Brian sighed. He figured there was no use in hiding this information considering he was in deep shit regardless. Besides, maybe it would help Bender be less ashamed of his own disorder. "I have Asperger's"

"Holy shit" Bender said, a bit surprised. He'd been tested for that as well, but he himself wasn't diagnosed with it. However, that had still triggered a whole slew of rants from his father about how retarded those kids were and how he was glad that, if his son was gonna be a retard, it was better that he had a less extreme case of it. He never thought of Brian as retarded, though. Just kind of annoying. "Holy shit"

"What?"

"You're, like, normal" Bender chuckled. Then, seemingly realizing how he was coming across, he shook his head and forced back on his tough guy persona. If Brian wasn't still being pinned to a wall, he probably would've chuckled. "Regardless, you don't tell anyone about this, got it?" the taller boy demanded. Brian nodded earnestly. "If I hear one of your little math nerd friends so much as breathe the word 'ADD' near me, you're dead, got it?"

"Absolutely" Brian assured him. "But, uh, for the record, it's nothing to be ashamed of"

"Well that's easy for you to say when you have something way more serious" Bender told him. Brian just seemed sad at this and it was only then that it dawned on Bender that he wasn't actually alone in this anymore. Sure, ADD and Asperger's weren't the same thing but surely they were at least similar if his doctor felt the need to test him for both at the same time. "Don't speak of this out loud, however... Notes, I'm fine with"

Brian's frown gave way to a small smile. He's trying, he thought to himself. This is hard for him, but he's trying.

"Now..." Bender spoke up again, releasing his hold on the smaller boy. "Get the fuck out of here"

"Yes, of course"

Do not repost on other sites!! This fic will be posted to AO3 under the same username

[fineillmakeaslasherblog]

I'd like to request headcanons for whoever's you think would be the most interesting (+brahms) with a reader who has Pathological Demand Avoidance? It's a subtype of autism, I think it could be fun to write characters interacting with a reader like that. Suggesting brahms in particular bc he's a huge brat ❤

I'm actually going to be pedantic here, since Mun is both autistic and a neuroscience student, and based on the phrasing of this request, I'm guessing you don't experience PDA yourself lol. In the DSM-5, there are just three "types" of autism: level one, level two, and level three. PDA is a controversial topic for a variety of reasons, but the general consensus among professionals is that it's a behaviour pattern/profile, not a condition or sub-type. It does not appear in the DSM-5 at all. Not to mention the potential for pathologizing self-agency (see also: the controversy around ODD which I'm not touching with a ten foot pole). Anyway, here's an overview on the topic if you're interested. There's therefore uh. No way I can make everyone happy with this post. However, for these headcanons, I'm going to effectively treat it like a compulsion, so hopefully that's good enough.

Brahms Heelshire:

Alright, here's my hot take: you guys have the backbone of a chocolate eclair when it comes to this boy.

Look, I get it: massive man who can and will kill you tells you to do something, survival instinct can kick in. But like... at the very end of the movie, when Greta puts her foot down and doesn't act afraid of him, he listens to her.

This obviously isn't to say that constantly telling him no is ideal, but it really isn't going to go as badly as some would have you believe, especially if you can explain it to him.

To be honest, the last thing he needs in a relationship is his parents 2.0, so being able to tell him no is a really important skill to have regardless. His parents were afraid of him, which is why they gave into what he wanted. Being able to refuse him shows that you aren't afraid of him.

Bubba Sawyer:

Aaand now for the complete opposite. I don't think Bubba is capable of demanding anything if he tried. Like to a fault. So the only time I can foresee this even coming into play to begin with is with his brothers.

Honestly, though, you're probably still going to be fine. There will be some arguments, sure, but you're the one with the giant man with a chainsaw on your side.

Tbh Bubba is really your best bet here. Absolute sweetheart, has the patience of a saint, and can either support you or cheer you on, depending on what you need in that moment.

Like I'm not gonna romanticize compulsions or anything, but at the same time, if you're able to stand up to Drayton, even if you didn't want to, he'll still be watching with stars in his eyes. We all know this.

[hollyhomburg]

@mocha000

Smutt with a good balance of casual sweetness is the perfect way to describe this!!! I’m so happy that you liked this <3 I swear I always worry for no reason! Thank you for always being here <3 idk how to say it with much more meaning but you really have been here from the beginning!

As for the ending 👀 I think you’ll just have to wait and see for the next chapter!

I swear I’m only saving the Yoongi pain for a super satisfying end to the next chapter and the one after that <3 it’s like- very very loving, he gets the love he deserves! And the comfort!! From the m/c. I lowkey think Yoongi falls into a very brief and not all that dangerous depression in this like 3 week span of time between this chapter, last chapter, and next chapter. I think he’s just a little sad, just stares off into space a bit. It’s a quiet sadness that can’t really be fixed with more love on the pack’s end. Yoongi just needs time.

Oh yes so!!!! The m/c was actually asking Jimin if he’d figured out how he was going to kill Moonbyul yet. She fully anticipates one of them going more murder baby on her as things progress. I think I will leave it open ended as to whether or not the pack goes after her years in the future, but we might see a few more lines where this is foreshadowed!

Oooh! I actually think when the pups are older they are like- playing soccer or something with a ball that they’re kicking against the wall in the basement, and one of them manages to open the safe and watches the tape of the m/c talking about how she killed Geumjae- and will be absolutely SHOOK- will 100% confront the m/c about it in a way no one will expect, I’m imagining Jin’s daughter being all like “you better not get on moms bad side” and then they have to sit down and tell them about everything that happened, they’d be like in the 16-19 range when this happened and real talk…I think if we’re being honest…Jimin only ever kills once more…and that’s after Tae and the m/cs little girl gets into an abusive relationship at like 18 with an older alpha- regardless of the m/c and Tae’s protest and concerns, she comes back with bruises once, and the man is dead the next day. and not a person in the pack feels guilty about it. Jimin is a good papa <3 will always protect his pups.

Anyways!!! Sorry to get a bit derailed but!!!! Back to your response

Yoongi’s acts of service are so soft I swear to god anything that she brings back, noodle, the rug, everything- will be handled so delicately by him <3 it really is how he shows his love, more than kisses or touches. He’s just such a natural caretaker!!! I could swoon!!!

As for the Jin/Jimin autism or psychopathy diagnosis- I think I’ll stick with what I said in the notes- I certainly think that Jimin just has low support needs autism- but its up to you guys to interpret it!

Throwing moments of light heartedness in the with brutal realities of their situation is one of my favorite things about writing bily- yes the daffodils are still coming up- but there is still a body in the basement. Everyone’s happy but they’re still healing and learning what it’s like to not be afraid.

I actually watched howls moving castle while I was writing the Hobi and m/c part and let me just say that if I could have made the audio play in the background while you where reading that part <3 the gentle lulling music really sets the mood!!!

I think there is a certain dynamic in the m/c that I didn’t touch on enough- where since her first experience with being wanted and sexual energy was so violent- she immediately views any time she is wanting sex as a violent thing. Like in the beginning of the series when she went through the packs things and did feel some disgust to herself- I think this section of the series also touched on it with the ‘you’re not a monster’ lines that you brought up.

There /are/ a lot of rounds aren’t there? Like its lowkey funny that Hoseok pups two knots- like even though the m/c is the one who cums a lot- he’s still very down bad for her.

Ahhh the tattoo’s~ I really hope I get to write them getting it~ I do have an idea but!!! Who knows~

I unfortunately cannot tell you that the cops being there mean nothing…lets just say Hoseok having a little blood on his shirt from his bloody nose is gonna be the smallest thing Namjoon gets mad about… but well leave that until next chapter!!! I already have about 7k of it written!!! Which is crazy!!!  I’m so happy you enjoyed this one, I know I say it every time but my enjoyment really doesn’t end when it comes to your responses!!!

Before I Leave You (Pt.71)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Freedom isn't always a good thing... sometimes stupid pups get in trouble.

Tags: slight angst, lying, implied psychopath Jin, Confirmed autistic Jimin, discussion of murder and killing others, Jimin and Jin both have dubious morality, needy m/c, Frottage, Teasing, Knotting, knot-fucking, desperate sex, messiness kink, (slight) pleasure dom hobi 👀, public sex, riding, squirting, car sex

W/c: 15.6k

A/n: it's kinda crazy that this chapter, last chapter, and next chapter was supposed to be a single chapter (it would have been over 30k), this one is my least favorite out of the bunch! please give it a bunch of love when it comes out though 🥺 if you don't love it i'll be sad!

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

The pack goes back to work the next week, nursing hangovers and hurts and everything in between. Every injury both visible and not.

Hoseok's bruises get covered up by Tae's makeup every morning, color corrector applied in thin layers, and then foundation, and then Pink lipstick kisses over top. Tae's lips, your lips, everyone's lips, pressed to those thankful inches between Hoseok's head and his heart.

It becomes their little ritual- and on the nights that Hobi's nightmares keep him awake- her concealer goes under his eyes too. And his lips get pressed more reverently with kisses. Easing apart his tense pout and his frown like the sun parts petals into bloom. It's sweet, the way that Hoseok surrenders himself so willingly to Tae's doting.

Hoseok doesn't know if he likes the makeup as much as he likes the attention. From both you and her.

There’s barely a morning that you don’t wrap yourself around Hoseok’s back while Tae does his makeup, nuzzling against his nape, sneaking your cold hands under the hem of his sweatshirt. alternating between dragging your throat down the crest of his back so that everyone knows he has an omega to come home to, and sleeping curled between. Staying close to your alpha's (the easy ones, the ones that aren't still mad at you).

Hoseok's not the only one who's still dealing with the aftereffects of what happened. The physical side effects and the mental ones.

Jimin still says up and guards the door most nights too, perched on the edge of the nest listening for anyone or anything that might be coming to hurt you. The protective parts of him fester in the meantime before he heals enough to go back to work. He's got too much time on his hands to wory.

He's only diligent with his physical therapy because you tattle on him to Namjoon when he doesn’t do his exercises. Eager to be good, eager to do anything you can to please the pack alpha.

It hasn’t escaped any of them that you’ve been extra agreeable and extra obedient recently. Eager to please. Eager to make up for what happened. Jimin isn’t bothered by it so much- if only because having something to do seems to make you happy. He’ll gladly tolerate you hounding him.

Especially when you bound up to Namjoon to give him a report when he comes home from work, on the receiving end of a very genuine "good pup, making sure your alphas are careful' from Namjoon. especially on those days when that is the only praise that the pack alpha gives you.

It’s not that Namjoon and Yoongi have been treating you coldly, just that there’s a small distance between the two of them and you. Kisses that would have lasted minutes only last second (or they aren’t initiated at all when it comes to Yoongi). Jimin wishes it didn’t remind him of how Tae treated him after she came out but it does.

Hopefully, like with her, Namjoon and Yoongi just need time.

You ask him about it, midmorning stretched out in Tae’s library room where you both wait for her to finish deciding what dress she’ll torture you both with today. You three have taken to hanging out together here. You and Jimin cuddled up on the couch, doing PT, watching Tictok’s, napping, kissing cuddling. Placing shy touches below the pulled blankets to see how far you can go before Tae notices and stops you both with a disapproving lilt to her eyebrows.

“I said no sex- if you guys are gonna hang out with me while I work- you’ve gotta behave.”

You’d melted below the covers and Jimin had firmly placed his hands back over the covers, noticeably damper than they were the last time Tae saw them.

“Sorry mommy,” recalcitrant enough to avoid a spanking (but maybe that is what you’d wanted- what you’d needed). But getting scolded is part of the fun, teasing, seeing how far you can push each other until you break.

You'd squirmed against Jimin's thigh as she'd gone back to work. clicking away at her keyboard without giving you a second glance. "you're not even going to like, let him finish-" You're whiney. Need and wanting down to your bones, a wanting that is only heightened by the vision Tae strikes today; the peachy set of silky bloomers and ruffled top that shows off the little bit of cleavage she has now.

She'd just leaned over the back of her chair and eyed you up and down. "No, if you want to distract me from my book you can suffer pup."

You'd whined and Jimin had hid his laugh in your shoulder. "No buts pup. Maybe later, If you're good, then you can bounce on Jiminie's knot all pretty for me."

"Yes Mommy." But you hadn't ended up doing any of that. You'd fallen asleep curled up around Jiminie (whose hands had unfortunately remained on his phone and above the covers), to the others already awake and at home and would you please help water the plants with Hoseokie pup? You know he doesn't always notice when they overflow.

It’s been harder for you to ask for things since the day you almost ran away. A wanting that can't be sated by simple touches and kisses simmering low in your stomach. Burning through you at strange moments.

Like another moment when you and Jimin are in the library room again. Tae is reorganizing and fussing. What you'd call nesting if she was an omega. The desk is on the opposite wall today. it's Cramped, it won't stay like this for long. The couch moved below the bay window.

You watch Jimin's face as he looks out that window, at the way that the wind tears at the trees around your house, makes them bob and creek, showing the silvery underside of their leaves.

It’s easier for you to Jimin all sorts of questions because he’s not mad at you. (Sometimes you feel like he's the only one who's not mad at you for what you did.)

“Have you thought about how you’ll do it yet?”  

The paranoid bits stretch out and teem. The worst part of Jimin have festered in the meantime. Maybe he'd be less restless if he had something to do but the danger has passed now.

Moonbyul seems like she’s truly gone, you’ve heard neither hide nor hair from her- absolutely nothing since the day that she left. No one from the family has tried to contact Yoongi. Even Jin’s unceremonious exit from the FBI had gone without struggle or suspicion.

Jimin had just continued to watch the window, the spring raindrops drifting down the pain of glass all slow. “Thought about how I’d do what?”

You’d raised your eyebrow at him, and thankfully Tae had come in and disrupted whatever conversation you might have had about murders that might need doing. Twirling in the doorway and showing off her slinky dark green lingerie for you and tae to oooh and ahhh at. Your questions forgotten.

Sleeping bears don’t do well when they’re poked. Jimin knows that. The others know that. It might seem pity as far as retribution goes (Jimin still gets angry when he sees the bruises on Hobi’s throat or watches Namjoon examine the scars that crisscross your hands, red and angry. Or the nights that tae twitches in her sleep).

Maybe the best retribution is to live like this- free and unincumbered by anything like revenge. Revenge is also a burden. Revenge means you still care about what happened to you, that it still hurts, that you're still bleeding. Jimin doesn't know if he wants to be bleeding anymore. His alpha that hungers for blood and pain wars with what Jimin knows will logically help the pack more.

But Jimin’s not the only one who's feeling a little paranoid. A little unfulfilled.

The pack instills a buddy system for those who go to work still and for any excursions outside the house. No one goes anywhere alone. Jin starts driving Namjoon to work every morning and picking him up every evening. With kisses and coffee and snacks, especially on the days that Namjoon has long surgeries and he comes home exhausted. Jin like Jimin is trying his hardest not to be too idle. He turns in his sparkly FBI badge and his weapon the first day he's sober enough to drive. 

Your recipe book and an audio file of Jimin's, yours, and Yoongi's 'interviews' where you explain everything gets locked in a safe that Jin knows the code to. Gets built into the wall in the basement and plastered over. It’s an afterthought, something just in case (you’ll never need it).

There are a lot of other things for Jin to fixate on now. Not everything is good.   

It’s a difficult conversation that Jin doesn’t want to have. Especially not with the pups. This is a conversation that’s too big, too stressful, too much for you to handle- that Jin is certain of.

You certainly look very pupish this morning, still dressed in the matching pink pj’s that Jin left out for you last night, you’d firmly followed his showering instructions not to scrub too hard and even let him button you into them and brush your hair (something you don’t always let Jin do, sometimes you ask for your mommy to do it instead and Tae takes that pleasure from Jin’s fingers with a feral smile).

Your body perfectly moisturized and taken care of, skin glowing and supple and healthy under Jin's inspectory touches. A perfectly obedient pup. So so good it had Jin purring and scenting you so thoroughly you’d gone sweet and dizzy and dependent.

But for once, for this morning, Jin feels like he's dependent on you.

The whole pack will be dependent on you financially. If you decide what Jin thinks you’ll choose.

Jin looks at you across the table (small, yawning, still sleepy, tipping into namjoon and clearly itching for an alpha and a nest) and can’t help but wonder if this conversation, this ask, is best left for later. After having so many difficult conversations in such a short period of time he's lost his taste for them.

Without Jin earning an income right now, the pack’s finances aren’t quite as orderly as they could be. As they should be. Hoseok, Jungkook, and Namjoon are the only ones working now, and Jimin won’t be bringing nearly as much in as he was before- something Jin knows the pup is worried about- he’d even asked if he should get a second job. Having any of his pups overworked is something Jin can’t handle.

And Namjoon is already overworked. Namjoon confessed a little thoughtlessly a few days ago after his first big surgery back- that it’s a good thing he hadn’t quit his job yet. He might not quit it at all now with the pack in limbo. That had been your last straw, and you’d asked Jin if there was anything you could do to help.

That’s a lie- you knew there was something you could do. Sitting in that little file that Moonbyul had dropped off with Hobi’s car all those months ago. The things you’d inherited from Geumjae’s estate as his late wife. The beach house abroad, the apartment in Miami, and the brownstone that had housed his final moments in a city far far away that you don’t ever want to return to.

What other use can it serve?

Yoongi had used most of his Geumjae’s life insurance payout to buy the house and renovate it. And you’ve been living off the leftovers since then, but even that sum won't last forever.

It's a good thing property in Manhattan never depreciates in value.

“This is a lot of money, and I’d understand if you didn’t want to-”

You roll your eyes at Jin, crossing your arms bratty, if Jin were less stressed he might be inclined to take you over his lap for that one. But he wants all of your faculties on board right now. Big financial decisions and omegaspace do not mix well.

Jin is to anxious about this to want to make you submit. Too worried about pushing you too far, asking you for something you might not want to give and overstepping. The clothes and doting are easier- Jin knows exactly how to take care of you that way. He knows exactly what you want when it comes to that.

“Jin, I do not give a shit, like honestly.”

Namjoon is wordless between the two of you, massaging down your and Jin’s necks to soothe you. You don’t understand why he’s pussyfooting around it. What Geumjae has left you and trying to find something to do with it, some way to help the pack, isn't something you're nervous or unsure about. Not even a little bit.

You don’t mind, you really don’t mind. If it helps them stay fat and happy, they can take all of it.

His eyes go softer, less cagey. You lean forward at the kitchen table. Reaching for his hand. He lets you take it. “Jin, just say it-” Jin bites his lip and throws the pen onto the table with a clatter.

“If you sell the house in New York City and put even like 1/3 of it into a trust. The pack would be set for the rest of our lives off the interest alone. Even more if we go the private equity route. Even our kids could-”

Tae calls from the library room, leaning back in her chair to shout through the open door. Clearly listening in on your conversation. “I am not raising trust fund pups hyung!”

Namjoon barks a laugh, “no one is talking about pups yet Tae” he strokes down the nape of Jin’s neck gently, delicately. And you know he’s fixated on the idea of /////yet and when that yet will become soon.

Jin's not getting any younger. Although you and Jungkook are still firmly in your 20's. Jin's going to have to make some big life decisions soon. Not this year and not the next. But the year after definitely.

It’s hard for Jin, to balance what he knows is logically here on the table and what is best for you. He's not sure that he'd make the same choice- the decision to support a pack that you have not known for a calendar year yet (although the anniversary of Jimin finding Yoongi again is sneaking up on you. You’ll have to figure out a day that you want as your anniversary.)

To make decisions with them in mind seems a little…illogical. From a practical perspective. Jin has had these sentiments shoved down his throat since he was a pup. all omega's have.

Don't mate someone until you've known them for a year, don't move in together until you've dated someone for 6 months, and certainly don't combine finances if you don’t like the shape of an alpha’s knot. be a strong independant omega!

You reach for your water and namjoon grabs it for you, holding it so that you can suck at the draw. putting it at the other end of the table to that you don't risk spilling it. wiping the moisture off the corner of your lip when he's done.

Jin huffs. Independance is never something you've wanted- clearly.

All said and done It’s an easy decision for you. Giving them space and time to heal after what you’ve brought down on them and a bit of financial freedom on top of your newfound physical freedom.

You don’t put 1/3 of it into a trust, you end up putting all of it after some discussion.

Jin handles everything involved with selling the brownstone. From contacting a broker to verifying through lawyers that still hold ownership over the property and getting everything notarized. He does all the legwork of opening up a fucking trust to put the frankly insane amount of money that the brownstone goes for in it. Your name on it because namjoon had insisted, and then the pack alpha and omega.

You’re incredibly thankful that you don’t have to go back to the city (especially since you hated it so much in winter and wet springs.) You don’t even bother going back there to get some of your things. You know it probably accumulated dust in the year since you’ve been there. Jin even contacts an estate sale company that sells all of your and Geumjae’s things.

Jin has spent most of his newly gotten free time doing exactly what he’s always done; taking care of his pups.

He’s got interviews with a therapist tomorrow for Hobi (this one has had a very cohesive background check done on him, Jin has learned his lesson). And there's a nail appointment on the books scheduled for Tae today, her hair appointment and facial 2 days from now. A doctor appointment for you and Jungkook the day after. A time slot for Hoseok’s car to get a tune-up later this week (after Jimin’s reckless driving it’s been running a little rough). And the final check-up with Jimin’s surgeon the day after.

You don't know how you'd keep everyone's appointment straight, but maybe that's why jin is the pack omega and you're not. Everything is where it should be. Jin rather enjoys it too.

Namjoon’s scrubs get steamed and hung up before he leaves for work every day, a lunch packed with cute heart-cut strawberries and carefully arranged rice and slices of chicken. Nesting materials warmed in the dryer before you and Jimin and Tae settle in for your mornings of undisturbed library time. Jungkook’s workout clothes color color-coordinated and his long hair brushed shiny and curly with a pat to his bum out the door.

Jin only realizes he might be going a little overboard when he starts a chart to monitor the pack's water consumption. You pressed along his spine trying to rub away your name on the little whiteboard. "If you make me drink that much water I'm gonna have to pee like all the time-"

"Careful," Yoongi had teased, voice rough and gravely from disuse. "You might make Jin want to keep track of that too."

Jin had hummed considering it genuinely, and you and Jimin had jumped up to drag him on to other things in the house before he got any ideas.

Jin spent the rest of this particular morning helping Tae do her hair. Jin’s pups need to look their best at all times. She curled the front, and Jin curled the back so that she didn't have to stretch her poor little arms. A kiss pressed to her knuckles and a "let Jinnie do it my pretty pup" sounded persuasive enough.  

Everyone is pup to Jin right now. In his element. Playacting as the perfect house omega.

Jin and Jimin do their assessment while you, Tae, and Yoongi are at the nail salon.

It's a Wednesday and a few days before he goes back to work from injury leave. Although Jimin enjoyed the first week of lounging with you and Tae in the library room watching her write her story (and get predictably nothing done with you and him there to tempt her) now Jimin has gotten too antsy to settle. Going to the gym with Jungkook yesterday helped a little.

It’s the last snow for the season and the big fluffy flakes hit the window with a faint clink. Jin and Jimin have a few hours of privacy to get this done; the psychopathy assessment that Jimin had asked after the other day, drunk and on the floor of the kitchen bellies full of your sweets.

Jin should probably manage the packs sugar intake too.

His pack omega instincts are settled in a way they aren’t usually now sitting here with Jimin in the spare bedroom (a room that will one day become the pack’s nursery and pup nesting room. But Jin doesn’t know that yet).

Jimin lounges on the window seat and stares up at the sky while he talks and answers Jin’s questions. Jin sits, legs crossed in a big blue velvet chair that you and Hobi found on one of your thrifting walks the other day.

You’ve been going on more of those- walks with Jungkook and Hobi around the neighborhood when the weather is nice. to see the flowers- the daffodils and snowdrops and magnolias starting to bud. You stumbled into an estate sale last week where you bought all sorts of things including the velvet chair and an old rug that yoongi had sighed over and then relented, dragging it off to the basment to work on restoring it.

Jin knows you're working up to attending classes at Jungkook’s gym (you have an open invitation from Wonho). Jin will never not be proud of you, that you seem to be at least trying to get healthier and be more active.

He lounges with a notepad and a few printouts in front of him. A copy of the DSM-five is under the chair just in case he needs to reference it. His silk dressings gown is yellow and green striped with blue and pink floral decals on the shoulders. A tad more eccentric than Jin usually goes because this silk robe used to belong to Tae before she switched to pink everything, folded over his striped pajamas and fuzzy slippers. Pink, also Tae's.

It’s easier for Jimin to do this if he doesn’t have to stare at Jin's face, dewy underneath the thick-rimmed glasses. Jin has had more time to devote to his grooming now that he’s unemployed.

Jin listens, and Jimin talks for what feels like hours. laid out in his most comfy sweats set, also cleaned and pressed by Jin earlier (do sweatpants even need to be ironed?) This one is rough in all the right places, worn familiar from years of wear. Jin doesn't even know where Jimin got it- he checked but the tag had already been cut out, probably years ago.

It's strange, how easy it is to ignore things until you connect the dots.

He sits up towards the end looking at Jin and fiddling with the new earrings in his ears. Teasing at the loose cool chain with the tips of his fingers like noodle bats at the tassels on the edge of the curtain in Tae's library room. It's an absentminded action- Jimin's body is too loud for his mind to think of should and shouldn’t’s.

You've warned him time and time again that if he plays with the fresh piercings too much, they might get infected. Namjoon has done his best to dot disinfectant whenever he gets home and, in the morning, too sometimes.

But Jimin always always fiddles. He can't help it. Small bits of paper, the ends of his hoodie that somehow always end up in his mouth. Tae's hands, the soft little ends of Tae's hair, Tae's jewelry, Tae’s everything. It’s weird to see Jimin talking if he’s not fiddling with something.

He’s nervous, so he fiddles. Jin has notes and a completed screening form in front of him. Looking at Jimin now with fresh eyes Jin doesn’t know how he never noticed. How he never put it together.

The psychopathy assessment below taunts Jin.

Failure to conform to social norms concerning lawful behaviors, such as performing acts that are grounds for arrest. Deceitfulness, repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for pleasure or personal profit. Lack of remorse, being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another person

"And did it bother you? When you killed those people?"

"Those bad people hyung," Jimin corrects, and Jin can't help his smile.

"Did it bother you when you killed the bad people, Minnie?"

Jimin fiddles, quiet, like he doesn’t want to admit it. "Only when it got messy."

"Why do you think the mess bothered you?" Jin’s asking half because he wants to know, and half because he’s genuinely curious.

Jimin’s hands rub up and down his knees and he shifts forward than backward. But his words come out even and measured. "Because it wasn't the way it was supposed to go- the way I organize it in my head, the same way you probably think through what clothes will make Namjoonie hyung blush the most. It didn't happen the way it should have."

Monsters aren't supposed to bleed.

"The only way I don't get overwhelmed by things is whey I make sure they happen they way they should."

"What does it feel like when you get overwhelmed minnie?"

"It's like- fear I think? My chest gets really tight, and everything gets extra extra loud. It makes my alpha like- riled. And I have to remind myself that I don't need to get angry about it."

They move on to other topics, different than Jimin’s apparent lack of remorse (it's not lack of remorse, but conditional remorse. Jimin only feels within the firm lines of what he believes he should feel) But they circle back to it because Jimin uses the words ‘bad people’ more than once.

"Why do you think that they needed to be bad to kill them? Why does if they were bad matter to you so much?"

"Because that’s the rule- bad people are supposed to die, aren’t they?" Jin cannot fault Jimin for that- because it is the rule. Generally. You do not Mourne monsters. You do not Mourne the villains.

"I'm not so sure about that, plenty of bad people never get punished."

"Like Moonbyul and me you mean?" Jin almost breaks the pen he's holding, almost.

"Do you believe that you're a bad person Minnie?"

Jimin bites his lips, looking down and away, not fidgeting at all. But his teeth work away at his lip. It takes a second for him to gather his words, a second to respond. Jimin has always been hard to read.

"I was hoping you would tell me. I can’t ask Tae. She wouldn’t be able to tell me the truth."

No, Jin always noticed. He just didn’t think of it beyond late-night musings wrapped in Namjoon’s arms. Gossiping about their pack because If there’s one thing that the pack omega and pack alpha like to talk about- it’s their 6 pups. They used to gossip about you the most that way- but Namjoon has been resistant to discuss you recently and Jin doesn't have to ask why.

He sees the conflict and love in his soulmate as easily as he sees the diagnosis written out on the paper right now. He'll check the DSM later for autism spectrum disorder but he won't find anything that varies from his notes.

Uses only limited facial expressions to communicate, frequently flicking switches or spinning objects, speaking in a repetitive way, narrow or intense interests, having trouble with changes to their schedule or changing from one activity to another, and hyper-reactivity to sensory input.

Sometimes talking about things too seriously does more damage. Jin keeps that particular diagnosis to himself.

Jimin looks at him imploringly, not reaching out to touch, because maybe Jimin is a little too overstimulated right now from bearing his heart to initiate contact. His eyes are bright and hopeful. They are not glassy and vacant. Jin has looked at countless pictures of psychopaths before- and none of them have eyes quite like Jimin's

They’ve been at it for 4 hours already, Jin has gotten up twice to pee when Jimin sits up without the intention of lying back down.

"So, what do you think hyung? Am I crazy? Am I a psychopath?"

I think you're a whole lot of things Minnie. Autistic for one with a hyper fixation on the people you love, Tae in particular.

Jin winces, looking Jimin up and down, and the alpha flushes but stays still under Jin’s evaluation. His sensory issues are painfully on display in an extra big sweatshirt, the ends of his sweatshirt pulled loose so that they're not tight around his wrists. His hips, baggy pants, and slides. Jimin’s toes flex, like he can’t help but push at the one item of clothing that constrains him.

He never has the same problem with the neat dark suits that his bodyguard job makes him wear. When Jimin knows what's expected of him- he doesn't have a problem following the rules or lying.

Bad people die. That's the rule, isn't it? Jin has a tallied kill count on the corner of the page, every time Jimin references a different murder over the last 5 hours, Jin has added a tally.

He's run out of room on the notepad.

Jin will bring it up to him later. Will tell him later, to be sure. Jimin asks after something much scarier, much more dangerous to his pack right now. Jin will do anything he needs to do to protect his pack- and that's part of the problem.

There are things that Jimin doesn’t need to know.

Jin covers that evaluation with his fingers. Only a few words are viewable between the narrow edges of his long fingers.

A peculiar lack of empathy, but not a lack of anxiety. An ability to distinguish between right and wrong but not an inherent understanding of those concepts. A tendency to lie. But is that really so scandalous? So damning? Is lying not a necessity and an instinct when the truth can do so much damage? Would Jin blame anyone for lying about these things?

“I do think that psychopaths don’t wonder if they’re psychopaths Jimin. Asking these questions of yourself isn’t a bad thing. If you were crazy, I’m not sure you’d care to be here.” And you’d be trying to convince me too.

Jin stands up and walks over to Jimin the one or two steps. Leaving his notepad behind to cup Jimin’s cheek, running his thumb along the alpha’s plush lips. Jimin’s eyes are wide and glassy, unable to tear themselves away from Jin. Jin’s omega wants to purr at the show of devotion, at the sight of Jimin below him almost on his knees. Jimin places a gentle palm on Jin’s thigh, Just to feel.

"I don't think you're crazy Jimin, I just think you're an alpha who will do anything for the people you love." Is it lying if he believes it to be the truth?

"And there's nothing wrong with that?" Jimin asks, Jimin’s hand fiddled with the tasseled end of Jin’s dressing gown with a delightful shiver of sensory pleasure.

Jin leans down and presses his lips to the alpha’s brow. Jimin almost sags against Jin’s front.

"There's nothing wrong with that at all. Come with Jinnie. It's well past time for lunch, and I won't be able to stand it if my pups are left unfed."

~-~

Jin spends his days gloriously unemployed putting the pack back together piece by treasured piece. But that’s not the only thing that needs his healing touch.

He spends most of his time helping Yoongi restore the house to its former glory. Switching out crown molding and cracked wall sconces. He rarely ever changes out of his matching pajamas and matching pink sweat sets even if they get speckled with dust and wood stain and eventually paint. He thoroughly enjoys sitting elbow to elbow with Yoongi and just- living. Just existing next to the beta without any thoughts or secrets between them.

They don’t talk much, sometimes Yoongi plays music, and sometimes he picks the paint splatters out of Jin’s hair, or the splinters out from his fingers oh so gently. Yoongi’s been quieter since everything went down- if that even seems possible. Less likely to joke, the smiles when Jin puts his paint-splattered hands-on Yoongi’s ass don’t last quite so long.

But unlike with Jimin, any words of wisdom and questions aren’t met receptively; Yoongi just walks away. And Jin knows he’s not ready to talk about it yet. Jin worries that your and his relationship is only part of the problem.

It’s a good thing Yoongi’s fairly organized and has kept all the paint buckets in the coat closet under the stairs. He teaches Jin how to fill the bullet holes in the banister with wood filler and sand it down. The muddy stain sits until they can hardly tell. After a few days of their hard work, it feels like the last few weeks are just a bad memory.

He spends his afternoons polishing away the bullet holes in the antique doorframes, re-spackling the parts of the wall you crashed into that got indented. Every little fleck of blood that leaves even the barest hint of a stain against the ceiling. The drywall cut out and replaced in certain spots. They spend it in companionable silence and Jin tells himself that staying by Yoongi’s side is enough.

Now that the pack knows that they’re not going to be discovered right away there is time to take care of the evidence beyond just bleach and cleaner. The cops haven’t come to their door even once. Not even a noise complaint from your days of revelry.

They're meticulous in the way that they check over every inch of the house. Jin goes over everything with luminol and a blacklight just to be sure. The bights of Yoongi’s eyes extra white as he watches. But no one is better at covering up a murder than them. (If they had a mind for it, they might have a handy side business. Jin jokes, but Yoongi just huffs and doesn't dignify it with a response.)

They dig up the body later.

They make sure everyone else is out of the house. Tae’s hair appointment serves several purposes beyond making sure the pack's prettiest alpha feels her best. Tae goes a little lighter- blonder, less red, and more chestnut. Long and brushing past her shoulders now. Perfect for the spring that hovers on the edge of every breath of warm air.

It won’t be long now. The daffodils are already coming up in places in the front yard. Yellow and bright and happy.

They put the man in a metal bucket, fraying clothes and all. Jimin and Jin mix up the chemicals wearing full hazmat suits. Lye bubbles and burns and leaves little left of the man other than some errant buttons that must have been on his pants and a twisted mess of a zipper.

Jin and Jimin toss them into the fireplace upstairs before anyone gets home, watching as they bubble and burn and disappear like a bad memory. The assassin and lye slurry gets poured down the drain, and carried out to the ocean to find rest- no longer haunting you. Yoongi mixes up more concrete and pours the hole and it’s like it never happened, like Tae and you never murdered that man.

When the pack gets home Jin has picked a few daffodils, put them on the kitchen table, and opened up all the windows. Tae twirls when Jimin asks to show him her hair. The way it falls in pretty ringlets.

"Beautiful"

“Fumigation” Jin will tell their neighbors when they ask about the smell. the subtly tangy chemicals that fill the culdisac. "You know our cat, the angry one, brought a whole punch of pests in. You might want to test your basement too."

Jin is the best liar in the pack for a reason.  

You come home laden with bags and just cuz gifts. You’d gotten your hair trimmed and Jungkook too- tight on the sides and long on the top. Jungkook’s bought new star-shaped pillows to go with the light blue couch and Namjoon brings home a pink moon one for you. A stuffed animal one with floppy feet and a tastefully neutral expression that you clutch to your chest during movie nights.

On nights like tonight, when it's so quiet that you need something soft to hold onto- least you remember other deceptively quiet nights.

The rain outside has lulled to a gentle pitter patter and the pack is likewise lulled to a similarly gentle sleep. Moving this way and that, settling like the bones of the house that creek with every harsh gust of wind. Asleep around you in heaps.

You nested earlier with Jin and Jungkook- fluffed every pillow and folded every blanket. It’s not quite as fluffy as your old couch but it is bigger, large enough to accommodate everyone lying this way and that. Jin purrs are sleep deep and soft. Almost pearly in the nighttime.

It's so quiet.

Your hair catches the highlights of the TV screen when it bursts bright and colorful. Hobi twirls a lock of your hair around his fingers while the movie drones on. Animated this time- because none of you have had the stomach for any movie that features too much violence. Nothing lifelike yet. You’ll stick to familiar fantasies in the meantime.

You're curled on your side and stretched out, your feet in Namjoon's lap. The top of your head so close to Hobi's thigh that you can feel the warmth of it along the top of your head. You're not touching him. But his warmth and safe alpha musk is close and thick. More satisfying to your nesting instincts than any blanket, to have your alpha nearby and alert.

Not that you're not welcome, Noodle occupied that spot until recently. Yawning and slinking off with a jingle of his bell collar once Hobi alternated from petting him to petting you.

He twirls a lock of your hair around his finger and watches the movie.

It’s a movie that you've seen before. It's familiar backtrack the perfect thing to fall asleep to here. The room is dark. The blue-red then pink light of the television flashes with scenes. Sounds too far away as your eyes get heavier and heavier. You're not the only one who's clearly feeling the effects of the nighttime or the smooth unaffected happy scents of your packmates.

Tae in particular smells rich and flowery, happy sprawled out between Jungkook and Jimin and Yoongi. Jimin’s hand sits under the hem of her white tank top, the translucent lace edge hides the movements of his fingers as he strokes up and over her hip lazily. Your mate's face is hidden in her hair, and Jungkook is belly down draped over their legs. Your mate's long fingers rest still against his spine. His shirt pulled up to the small of his back. His small huffs are infrequent and gentle. Like a puppy twitching in their sleep.

Namjoon's loud snore punctuates the quiet from the other side of the couch, his head tipped back against the cushions at an uncomfortable angle. Lost to the world like Jinnie tucked small into his side. His cheek fluffy and resting against the hollow of the pack alpha’s throat. Nose tucked to the safest place in existence.

Well, maybe the second safest. Hoseok’s lap is empty afterall.

You never would have said that Jin was skinny or waifish before, but after quitting his job it’s clear that the stress was affecting him. He looks healthier now. Less sallow-skinned and the space under his eyes is less hollow. Jungkook too has a pink glow to his cheeks- although that might just be where he’s rubbed it raw over Tae’s tight And Jimin’s side. He’s half asleep while he scents them. He mumbles and grumbles something like a purr before he goes quiet and still. 

Even Yoongi at the end of the couch, has his eyes closed, although you can tell they’re moving under his eyelids, his breath coming out with little huffs that tease the top of Jimin’s hair, sock feet stretched out. You close your eyes and open them, eyes drawn to yoongi at first sight. he's always the first person you look for when you open your eyes.

Only to see Noodle purring from his lap. Your and Hobi's company abandoned in favor of his new favorite person.

“Traitor,” you mumble. Hobi laughs quietly.

"We should take his treats until he comes back to us."

"Noodle? or Yoongi?"

"Both." you giggle and turn onto your side.

His fingernails itch down the back of your neck, not a scruff but close and you turn till you're belly down on the couch so that he has a better vantage point to play with your hair. Your eyes flutter, and when they open again Hobi is still staring at the screen. You're the only two awake and half his face is colored green from the movie.

When you look at the screen- Howl and Sophie are traipsing across flower-filled fields. colorful and bright.

"We should find a place like that, when spring really starts up in a few weeks."

Hoseok's eyes are dark and reflective when he looks down at you, huffing fondly, teasing, "are you asking me out on a date?"

"Maybe. You gonna say yes if I am?"

"Maybe." He teases, and you reach up to pinch his thigh, he takes your hand before you can and holds it, pinning it up there on his thigh. You tangle your hand with his pant leg and leave it there. He goes back to watching the movie and you go back to watching him. Quiet and peaceful in the silence of gentle nighttime

“It always bothered me” Hobi knows you’re watching him. Even without looking down. Yoongi's other hand rests on the back of his neck, you see his slack fingers twitch when he looks at you.

“What?”

“He didn’t use real flower types when he animated this- they sort of look like cow vetch- but they’re not.”

You snort, rubbing your eye, “only you would complain about the flowers in Howls Moving Castle.”

Hobi huffs, his fingers trailing over your forehead gently, smoothing out the crease between your eyebrows. Hand sliding to your shoulder under your arm.

"Come here, I don't bite." You go with little protest. You let him usher you up onto your knees, scooting across the couch until your head and most of your body is sitting in his lap. Laying your heavy body down. You tuck your legs to the side and someone else other than Namjoon snores but it doesn’t matter who. The eight of you tangled here.

"We should wake everyone up and go upstairs."

"Leave them for a minute. This is my favorite part."

He hesitates, looking down at you, then slowly, like his hand can feel the weight of the gesture, he draws your hair away from your face, the pads of his fingers brushing the corner where your ear becomes your jaw, his pulse by your ear visible in every little tremble. You breathe, and Hobi touches your neck, just mindless circles, eyes eventually drawn back to the TV.

“This place is gorgeous Howl! it’s like a dream.”

You swallow, and you suddenly feel more awake than you have in years, in months. It's frightening the sudden clarity at which you are aware of him- of everything. The softness of his faintly calloused hands, the feeling of his flannel pj's rough under your cheek. The smell of the peach-scented body wash he must have used in the shower earlier. Everything about him in frightening clarity.

You like the way he's touching you, over your cheek and down your throat. None of you doesn't like it. None of you is afraid of what Hoseok might do next. You're not even thinking about it. An alpha has his hands on your neck and you feel-

You feel perfectly at ease, perfectly happy, perfectly in love.

It's like you've been sleepwalking this whole time, or maybe that your soul has taken a vacation, forsaken your body for greener pastures, and then snapped back to this moment right now. Your belly feels full of almost there laughter. You're tired but you're not exhausted. Your shoulders don’t even ache. There isn’t a lump in your throat.

Your breath is so smooth and so easy when you exhale and inhale. You can breathe.

Hobi’s face flashes blue, then the brightest chartreuse. His hand finds the popcorn bowl, and part of it misses, hitting somewhere in your hair but you don’t care at all. You look up at him, watching. Chest going all tight again- your body is fighting it, whatever this feeling is. You're simultaneously more awake than you've ever been and suddenly- not sure if you're not sleeping.

His wrist is over your nose and you nuzzle into it as he reaches for another handful of popcorn, fighting back tears. even as one curl falls from his overful fist and hits your face.

He mindlessly picks the popcorn out of your hair, eating it anyway (at least Jungkook didn't put too much butter in it) He doesn't realize that something is very wrong yet (that something is very very right).

“Sorry.”

“S’fine”

Hobi goes back to watching the movie and you wait a few more minutes, a few more seconds fighting back tears, before you disturb the quiet again. 

"Hobi," Your voice is quiet and scratching. He doesn't hear you over the movie. Not at first.

Your heart is so thick in your throat and you stretch out. Your body is truly lax for what feels like the first time in ages. Not a bit of tension in your muscles. Your head doesn’t feel so heavy, and that vaguely sick feeling that’s always sort of in your stomach is gone. You breathe and it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t feel tight. It’s easy.

Namjoon mumbles near your feet. And Jimin lies Tae down more properly, disturbing Yoongi a little, Noodle hops off his lap and slinks off into the darkness, and everyone re-settles. Everything is slow and simple.

And safe.

Your hand goes vicelike on Hobi’s wrist and he looks down at you, inhaling sharply. There is no hatred in his face, though there hasn't been in months. There is nothing in his eyes besides the most blush pink love, a love that speaks of roses and bumblebees and butterflies- every other small flying thing that has nurtured the world to life. The panic is immediate. This is not a feeling that you are used to. This is not a feeling that you remember.

You don't remember the last time you felt safe.

"I feel- Hobi I feel safe. I feel so safe right now- Hobi- I can't-" 

You’re frantic with the knowledge of it, words rushed and a little panicked, you’ve forgotten this feeling, how complete and peaceful it is. Peaceful and yet panicked because this is not a feeling that you're used to.

The knowledge thrums through you, the relief choking you with its pretty purple vines. His hands go ridged in your hair, knotting a little before they smooth it out. Your scent- it's not unhappy, but it is pungent. Hobi curls his body over you, bowing to protect it from any unseen threat. He would protect you from anything that came through the front door. Anyone.

He smiles down at you gently, petting your throat, down the side of your body. Oh so gentle. "I know it's- it's good, right? It's okay. Right?"

"Yeah- it's okay, it’s-"

And it is okay. More than okay. It’s okay even when the tears form at the corner of your eyes and find their death in Hobi’s lips as he leans lower to kiss them away so softly you hardly feel it. He knows what this is. He’s happy to hold you through it, the first time your body has let go. Relinquished the tightness and control of being on edge. That little thing that makes prey animals prey animals. The part of you that has always been more animal than human, more fight and flight than fawn.

But you're safe now, all the hard things are over. all the hard things aren't heavy anymore because you're safe. Here in Hobi's lap, here in the house that Yoongi made for you all. You're safe.

It’s a feeling you can’t explain. Like why the snow smells clean and why the air smells like a memory sometimes. Safety is one of those intangible things, you know when it’s here and when it’s gone.

He only hopes that this time, it’s here to stay.

You feel safe in his arms, and you feel safe when minutes later Namjoon wakes from a particularly loud snore. You're asleep finally, but your name is the first on his lips.

Namjoon smacks his lips, scenting the distress on the air without opening his eyes. “Pups? What’s wrong?"

Hobi smiles at Joon, his half-asleep pack alpha brain running paces while his instincts have gone miles. "It's okay Joon, she's just happy, go back to sleep."

"Okay, love you," the pack alpha grumbles out. Curling back over Jin’s body with his, all but pinning the pack omega to the couch. Jin just purrs louder.

"Love you too Joonie." Hobi looks down at you, holding you in his lap, and thinks. Yeah, we're both gonna be safe, aren't we?

(When you wake in the morning, you’re back in the nest upstairs. You smell like Hobi and Yoongi and You don’t remember being carried there at all; you just remember the comfort.)

~-~

You do not spend the next week helping Yoongi and Jin fix the house. you spend the next week baking.

Luckily the kitchen escaped most of the damage in your gunfight. Everything is unharmed except for a small spot by the coffee station where a bullet lodged itself in the drywall and one spot in the blue tile backsplash that needs re-doing.

Yoongi waits for that last, hovering, watching you hum along to the music and scoop out things into little trays. Onto the baking pans, you do not catch him watching. But when a glass breaks, he's there waiting with a dustpan to sweep it up.

He doesn't manage to protect you against every hurt however. there are some things that you just can't anticipate.

You go through every recipe you’ve ever made, honey cakes and macarons that take several tries to get right. Pretty Raspberry Charlottes with meticulously arranged raspberries and ladyfingers. Chocolate cookies with crackly tops. Red bean buns and pineapple cakes.

You make everything in your cookbook once and then again. Tweaking the recipes and adjusting them to copy them over into a new recipie book that Hoseok gets you.

(It's not a courting present, it's not- he swears)

(It's totally a courting present)

The book has a thick pink cover, a snap-in binding so that you can take pages in and out at will. And a small pink tulip on the front cover that quickly gets stained with butter, lemon juice, and a tiny tiny bit of blood.

“You need to be more careful.” yoongi says, in his pj’s. hair all spiky from where jin gave it a fresh cut in the kitchen last night. Short enough that it makes his cheeks look all chubby. A band-aid in his hands. You’re pretty sure there’s still a little bit of his hair on the kitchen floor, but you’ve never been one to complain about that sort of thing so you let it slide. you let namjoon wrap your finger with the bandaid with a small whine.

"I was being careful- I just-"

“I was watching her hyung,” Jimin says, a little fluffy, a little ruffled. His headphones pulsing dully around his throat. You read between the lines with that and make no comment. I was watching her hyung, I know she didn’t do it on purpose.

You got him a pair of nice over-the-ear headphones last week and picked them out with Hobi’s help. They’re the kind that makes everything- even the most grating hum – ease away into silence. Your gift has helped a lot more than any of them anticipated when you’d first set out on your “let's figure out what makes Jimin have grumpy pup time” Adventure.

Some things had been easy, and routine. No microfiber, no oily foods. other things are less anticipated- his leg hair. A trigger he didn’t even know he had. Discovered after he watched Tae shave in the bathroom, the air all hot, the sudsy pool of water foaming pink as Tae filled it up and sat on the edge. Jimin's heavy eyes followed her as he asked why she does it, why you do it too.

"Wow It's like- really smooth."

"Can I try?"

"Are you sure you don't just want to feel?"

"I'm sure."

Tae had shaved him, oh so gently, gripping around the back of his knees. and Jimin hadn't realized, hadn't known what kind of effect it had on him until he was sitting in the nest in utter bliss a solid hour afterward. Rubbing his legs together like a cricket, absolutely lost to the sensation of skin on skin and no tugging.

"Can you do it tomorrow? Please? I wanna feel like this every day," a relaxed laugh warping his words. "Wow leg hair like totally sucks- I didn't know I didn't- I didn't know at all, I didn't realize-"

There are so many things you don't realize that hurt. You and Tae hand cuddled up close to him, rubbing up and down his thighs to feel how soft Minnie's skin actually was. Gentle. Your touches ease away his distress.

"Sorry Minnie, it won’t feel the same, you have to wait a few days for it to grow out."

So no leg hair, no sellophane. Absolutely no tags on clothing. Headphones when things get too loud. Jimin goes quiet and soft and gentle with the headphones. He tries not to wear them all the time, but when the house goes particularly loud in the afternoons after he's come home from work- it's become his new favorite thing. To sit in Tae's library room with her and enjoy a few moments of companionable quiet.

It's good, it makes you happy that Jimin is leaning a bit more into the sensory stuff than usual since his tentative diagnosis from Jin. The rest of the pack had completely accepted it, almost without a second thought. A few careful nuzzles and a few reassuring kisses.

Jungkook had immediately set out to make a list of Jimin’s safe foods. “I don’t know if I even have any- I don’t know if it’s like an autism sensory thing Jinnie just said that I’ve got something.” But the secretive looks Jin had sent the rest of you had been proof enough. You all believe the pack omega’s words like they’re gospel. And really- when it just comes to loving the people you love and listening to them to love them better that's an easy concession to make.

And it's also a little fucking cute when Jimin leans into the sensory stuff. Yoongi ruffles his hair now where the headphones sat Making the hair that it pressed down poof up again.

“It’s okay Minnie, accidents happen.”

Everyone’s been sensitive to Minnie recently. So careful and intentional with the way that they love him. So much so that they’re letting other things slip through the cracks.

It’s not a big deal. It’s really not- you’d gotten used to a certain level of contact from them over the past few months and while you never audibly complain about it and you’d never admit it. One fact remains; unavoidable and inescapable, haunting you in your simple moments.

You’re fucking needy.

You can only take so much- so many times of Jungkook coming home with the front of his shirt sweat-damp from a run, pulling up and showing off his abs too cool off. Of Namjoon when he changes into pajamas, tiny little shorts that show off all his thighs straining and pulling. Jimin when he’s stretched out, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, all growly and close to Tae whose skirt is pulling high.

Your mate washing his hands in the sink definitely shouldn’t leave you with your mouth dry, slinking off to the upstairs bathroom to clean up just so that no one scents it on you.

It’s embarrassing. You feel like a freshly presented pup.

No one has…sought you out since your little mishap. No one has let their hungry touches linger and go hungrier. No one has given you exactly what you know you need since Hobi- before Moonbyul. Almost 3 weeks ago now.

But to put pressure on them now, when it’s clear that maybe- you need to tread lightly when you already have so much to apologize for. It Feels like too much too soon. You’re not a monster- you can control yourself.

In the meantime, you bake your heart away. Needing something to get your mind off them. The whole house is littered with powdered sugar and sawdust, dusted with frosting and wood filler. There isn’t a single shelf left in the fridge that isn’t covered with cakes or sticky custard tarts, or personal cheesecakes topped pretty with heart-cut strawberries.

The only one Jimin had said was slightly grating to him was the super sticky raspberry tarts. So Tae feeds them to him with a giggle, then Yoongi leans in close, demanding the same treatment, his lips gently swallowing tae's long fingers whole.

You shiver and watch.

"It's so sticky," Yoongi licks forward, lapping at tae's fingers, "but sweet!"

You can't stop your hungry look as you watch Tae lick the whipped cream off the top of a tart, her tongue darting out to lick over her lips. feeding tae a bit of whipped cream. some of it gets on his face and jimin smacks his pulsh lips, glossy.

You feel like you want to smack your face into the table. You actually do grip it hard. You wonder if it's normal, to want so much. To want things so hard. your cheeks feel so hot you might be able to back cookies off them.

Breath crusts your ear, lips just barely brushing your skin "these are really yummy."

You jump, Hobi's next to you and he grins, his fingers traitorously resting on the edge of the counter and you know he knows exactly what you were just thinking. What you were just wanting. You blush hot and needy, embarrassed at being caught staring at them. Busying yourself with pulling the remaining tarts off the drying rack and packing them away with parchment paper.

Tae's cheeks are speckled with powdered sugar. And she giggles- completely unaware of your obvious wanting. You nibble just a little at your own pastry. Appetite is suspiciously silent.

Jimin’s definitely not absorbing your conversation either, too busy watching Tae just like you were. Yoongi slinks off with a quiet thank you- intent on completing whatever project he's currently working on.

Jimin's eyes flick up and down Tae's face. Honed in, unable to look away. "The eye glitter-"

"Eyeshadow Minnie," Tae corrects, a little meanly, a little know-it-all in her tone. The same exact what she gets when she takes her knot and tells you exactly how to-

You need to get a grip. You forcefully turn away from the two of them and flip through your new recipe book. Searching for something sweeter, something else you can make other than fixate on this.

You clench your thighs together and watch Jimin cup Tae’s cheeks, her neck, hands skimming down her waist hungrily.

Jimin lets out a little pent-up breath, "It's like- super mesmerizing today- can you show me which one-"

Tae pulls him up from the table with a sweet giggle, leading him into the other room- Jimin looks a little dazed, stumbling on the carpet as he goes. Hoseok laughs and plucks another cookie from the tray before he helps you put them back inside, shaking his head.

These have powdered sugar on them too, you watch Hobi lick the white from his fingers. Hobi has nice hands, nobly in all the right places. You let out a breath and he licks them again, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Are you like okay or-"

"I'm fine." You whine, a little petulently. Setting down the container a little hard. Hobi laughs, and you wish it didn't make your knees a little weak. You need to get it together. You set the back of your hand against your flaming cheeks.

The fact of the matter is that You've gotten used to a certain amount of attention from the pack. Your body mostly, has gotten used to the near constant attention. Since everything happened, people have been- warming up to it slowly. Baking is also a good way for you to mediated away your sexual frustrations, bury them deep below layers of dough and batter and sparkly sugar.

Hobi's hand scratches under the hem of his shirt and you let out a heavy breath. He looks over at you and his nostrils flare.

"So, ugh- what's next- what are you baking next?"

"I wanna try to make this recipe I saw on Ticktok but I'm out of powdered sugar so-"

"You want me to drive you?" Your eyes flicker up. And you perk up at the idea of getting out of the house right now.

"Yes," you say, is your voice shaky? Are you the only one who notices the way that Hoseok's hand curls over his keys? or the way that you move restlessly? Pent up.

You leave, you tell others, but you find it hard to look away from Hoseok long enough to send a text to the group chat The same way that it was hard for Jimin to look away from Tae.

You make it to the store without any sort of comment from him, anything beyond his hand and your hand intertwined over the center console. Although you do see Hobi's mouth quirk as you stare and stare and stare.

There is something unfairly attractive about the way that Hoseok drives; one hand on the back of your headrest to back in the car. Something that makes you feel like you're melting when he follows you around the store. Taking one step for every two of yours, slow and leisurely, lingering close behind you protectively as you debate milk chocolate and semi-sweet. Reaching over you to get the sugar from the top shelf. His bicep brushing the top of your head.

Your jeans have rips in them, a courting gift from Tae who claimed they were cute (the pockets on the back are heart-shaped) His index and middle finger stay tucked into the back pocket of them, tugging you back close when you almost step in front of someone's cart, his thumb resting on the hollow of your back. Rubbing.

But when he gets into the car he pauses, "do you want to-"

"The beach?"

He swallows hard, "yeah- just for a bit?"

You drive, and instead of returning your hands to the center console Hobi’s hand creeps, settling on your knee. Hobi hooks his finger into the biggest rip in your jeans, one on your upper thigh, stroking the skin higher and higher. You go still, look down, and watch his hands rub smooth circles on your inner thigh.

Hoseok has very pretty hands.

A heat creeps up the back of your neck as Hobi keeps his eyes on the road and not on you. You try not to squirm, not to close your legs either. Although you know he'll be able to smell and feel your slick if he keeps it up for too long. You know your scent is swelling treacherously sweet, but you hope he won't comment- won't notice.

But when he pulls into the parking lot and the ocean is right there, turning dark green and a little violent at high tide. The air is stormy but sweet through the cracked windows. He turns to you, already smirking. The quirk of his lips teases and you realize he knows exactly what he's been doing to you this whole time.

You're already shoving his hand off of you, and he laughs at your flaming cheeks. "Oh my god shut up-"

"I didn't say anything."

"Oh, you little shit-" Hoseok grins.

"You're cute when you're flustered from being teased."

"Call me cute one more fucking-"

"Cute."

You put your head between your knees and actually scream. It's soft, not all that loud. Hoseok's laugh is louder as he throws his head back. And you regret ever making the mistake of falling in love with your best friend.

"Oh my god you are totally getting horny because of a car-"

"It's not the fucking car-" you whine, almost petulant.

"Oh, so it's me then?" The way Hoseok raises his eyebrow at you makes you want to scream. The smirk that has your omegan instincts rankled back on his stupidly pretty face.

"And if it is?"

Hoseok grins, reaching over to cup your cheek in his hand. Pinching the sides so that your lips push out. Holding you hard so that you can't squirm away.

"Then c'm here."

There are other things that you both crave beyond sugar and sweets. kisses that turn into giggles. Hoseok's lips move, good and gentle for a second. Exactly what you need, what you've been craving. His kisses offer a little relief.

And then he bites your lower lip.

It smells like gasoline and sea salt and blood when you pull it apart. rubbing at your stinging lip, a little angry. You're not bleeding, but it feels like you could be. A Hoseok-shaped space over your heart, wrenched clean, bleeding because where he sits is so far. If the distance and wanting could make you bleed- you would be.

(Hoseok bit you to keep you close because, for a second, it felt like you were about to pull back. His alpha didn't like that.)

You bristle an omega that needs settling. Hoseok almost wants to bare his teeth at how on edge it makes him. You smell so needy. Sticky sweet the way that Jungkook does sometimes. Hoseok's half surprised that the other omega didn't get to you before he did. Usually, Jungkook is the kinda of packmate who notices these things.

You flush hot. Half anger, half wanting. "Bitch-"

Hoseok reaches down between his legs for the lever under the seat to push it back. He pushes his seat away from the steering wheel and makes room for you. He parts his legs wide and gestures to his lap.

"I said come here."

The beach is empty and so is your part of the parking lot. It's getting late, past sunset and into twilight. The butter in the back seat of the car gathers condensation and starts to thaw but you don't even think about it a little bit.

You don't think about the people who might be nearby, the people who Could clearly see what you're doing in the car as you clamber over the center console. You leave your shoes behind in the passenger seat (you already have a habit of taking them off in the car). Bruising knees as you move over to the driver’s seat planting hungry kisses along Hobi's cheek, his jaw, every inch of his skin that you can reach, and then his lips finally. So shaky with wanting that you're clumsy. gripping the front of his shirt.

You can feel his grin against every kiss. You can feel it when he starts to grimace and you pull back. Hobi winces covering your banged knee with his big palm. You'll definitely have a bruise tomorrow.

You just take his hand and put it on your hip higher, and he raises an eyebrow at your brazenness. "Wow, you really want it huh?" He taunts, and you melt against his front past the point of pretending that you're not fucking needy, that you don't need him and need this right now if he's willing to give it.

"Hobi please-"

He just laughs at you, "though you were gonna spontaneously combust watching Yoongi eat that tart- it was fucking hilarious."

You whine high and needy. But he likes to tease, and you like he when he teases. Is this what having sex with your best friend is like? All jokes and jabs and fun. It feels nice when you can feel Hobi's laugh this way. Pressed against your stomach when you shimmy closer. It’s a bit cold, but he's warm and big against your front sitting in his lap like that. 

You lean back, and hit directly into the steering wheel and horn. You bury your blush in Hobi's chest as he laughs and laughs, and Hobi's hands fist on your hips, pulling you closer, then farther apart, then closer again.

"Hobi what if someone heard."

"They didn't- there's like no one here- fuck-" You feel his lips with every beat of your heart, kissing so hard it tastes like bruising.

He holds you around your waist and guides you into a subtle sloppy grind, he's only wearing his sweatpants, no boxers underneathand it's clear he's not as unaffected as he claims. The hardness tents in the gray frabric. Pushed up against you. His cock is already hard and firm and twitching.

The front seat of the Lambo is not as spacious as you'd like, but you don't care enough to move to the backseat. Already shaking from just a few kisses. You let out a small whine as he guides you to grind harder against his front, controlling your rhythm with two hands on your ass. You can tell you're getting sloppy, leaking slick. You feel hot all over, simmering as Hobi looks up at you and grins.

"You're like totally gonna cum from this-"

"Oh my god shut up-"

He leans in to bite the tip of your nose, "Make me."

A nearby gull caws loudly, dissonant with the darkness, it’s just a hair past twilight, and the streetlights cast his face in yellow and blue chiaroscuro. It's not private at all but it's perfect and as easy as breathing. Your hips, his hips, and not an inch of space between.

You curse Tae who finally convinced you to buy jeans again as Hobi helps you pull them off, jostling you, hitting your head on the top of the car with a muted "ow!"

Hobi kisses the top of your head holding it reverently while he giggles, and it feels like you're a pair of teenagers again. It feels like for all intents and purposes the last month hasn't happened- like you're right back to where you left off. None of this is heavy, none of it hurts.

The kisses don't stop. Migrating from your mouth down under your jaw, the hollow of your throat. You've soaked through the front of your panties, and Hobi pulls back to look down. Touching the little damp patch you've left against the front of his sweats humming thoughtfully. Breathing a little heavy. Hair all pulled at and messy from where you ran your fingers through it.

The quirk of his mouth is mischievous, "wanna rile the others up?"

You scoot back a bit, grinning, loving Hoseok is like a super special inside joke. "Just don't get my face."

Hobi snaps a picture of your thighs on either side of his, your pussy, barely clothed in semi-translucent fabric all dark blue. His cock wet and hard straining up against the grey sweats. He sends it and then throws it to the passenger seat to jerk you closer.

Hoseok’s phone starts vibrating almost immediately but texts go unanswered, every call goes unanswered in favor of shimmying his sweatpants down and letting his cock pop up, a pearly bit of precum already wetting the tip.

You still, and he guides his cock up at the same moment he settles you down, hand cupping your hip to guide you, pulling your soaking underwear to the side in his haste. His teeth grit and he sighs, you're so warm, so hot inside.

"There you go, is that better?"

"Fuck," you murmur, sinking down slowly, giving yourself time to adjust before your riding goes, still syrupy slow. “So much better.” You don’t want to thank him for something like this but you do anyway.

It’s unhurried as he pulls you closer and closer. You don't know why Hobi likes to fuck like this, so close and slow. Barely pulling back to fuck his cock in, he just keeps you close and lets you grind wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you as close as he can get you. The car starts to rock, squeaking, and the sounds of sex greet you as Hoseok fucks up into your wet hole. All sloppy and wet sounding, coupled with the smacks of your kisses.

“So fucking wet all the time, so fucking messy,” he growls out, and you whimper, pressing your face into his neck and gripping his arms helplessly.

“Can’t help it- can’t-”

He rises up, hands bunching in your short-cropped zip-up sweatshirt, to pick up up and down, up and off of his cock. Hoseok usually isn’t so physically strong, but he helps you ride him, making it faster and filthier. The fabric slides off your shoulders with the hastiness of your grinding, and the white tank top with the thin straps fall down to your elbow. He bites with his teeth when you clench around him, listening to the thud thud thud of your heart and counting every breath.

You get sweaty and sticky until the back seat of the car and all the windows fog up. Hobi kisses endlessly up and down your throat as his hands hold you loose and gentle and then tighter as he continues to force you up and down at a maddening pace.

Even with you on top, Hoseok is still an alpha, still needs to be in control. You can't move even a little bit without him controlling where you go. He pulls you back down into his lap and then pulls you tighter, forcing his cock deeper. You feel like you can feel Hobi all the way in your throat, letting out a weak sob.

"There we fucking go-"

"Fuck Hobi! I'm- please- I need-"

"You can- just-"

At the last moment, Hoseok's hand settles not on your side, but on your stomach, pressing down. you paw at his wrist helplessly.

"Don't! if you do that i'm gonna-"

But it's already too late, You cum, so worked up that it doesn’t take much, You'd like to think that you only squirt because he's making the fit extra tight with his hands, or because it's been a long time since you've cum at all. But you blush furiously as your cunt continues to spasm and drip.

Your Hand on the door keeps yourself up a little, almost forcing Hobi's cock out of you with how hard you clench down and drip slick onto his lap. Letting out a loud moan that someone could certainly hear if they were standing just outside the car.

Hoseok just fucking giggles.

You teeter, cumming so hard you're dizzy, Head lolling to the side until he guides you to rest against his shoulder. "I've got you, I'm sorry- that was mean," he drags his teeth down your scent gland and you tremble.

Hobi pulls back to look at the wet splatter. The front of his white shirt is translucent. He touches where it clings to his abs. Flexing and twitching. And then he looks up at you. As you shakily come down, keeping your pussy up, the head of his cock is still inside but not much else.

He pulls you back down, hard, and you yelp. hoseok has something in his eyes that's just as hungry as you were, something that you wouldn't be able to explain. You cumming doesn't make him quiet, it only makes him hungrier.

He guides you to bounce, up and down, at a faster pace, chasing his own orgasm now. "So, fucking needy, that's what you needed right?" He growls and you nod. Helpless. He forces you down on his slowly inflating knot a little, hard enough for you to feel it.

Your socked toes curl where you're kneeling, and he strokes up one of them. You jerk, ticklish, whimpering, body humming and oversensitive (is this how Jimin feels all the time?) His hand slides up your knee to grip you harder, and you squirm on his cock. 

You rest your cheek on his shoulder, looking up at him. A little cock drunk, a little fucked out. "Like it when you call me needy, like it-" he kisses your slack mouth, bitten, pinker. "Cause it means you know I need you and you don't mind." you babble, and Hoseok just grins.

"Could never mind," His kisses interrupt his words. Like he can't be bothered to remove his lips from your skin long enough to speak. "need you too."

Hobi cums and his cock twitches. The smell of gasoline and burning tires on your skin. His knot inflates so quick and hard that you jerk, with little control of your body, curled to his chest- there’s little place for you to go. Shivering and twitching as his cum spurts, hot and wet filling you up with a sigh.

Which is how your face ends up hitting right up into his nose.

Hoseok has had more violent comedowns as he clutches his nose throbbing, wet and slimy blood. “What the actual fuck” you’re murmuring out sorry after sorry, still knotted together unable to move from his lap more than scrabbling at the passenger seat for some tissues, panicking until he starts to laugh.

And he's not angry no- he just laughs and wipes away the blood from his lips. “Not broken, don’t worry fuck-” it's payment for the teasing from earlier- karmatic because you don't like your alphas bloody. you hold the napkin to hoseok's nose and try not to move, his cock still occasionally twitching with a fresh spurt of cum. The nosebleed is over in a second.

It feels strange to laugh over something like blood, especially after the last few weeks you've had. But for once- it doesn't trigger either of you. He holds you close and gets blood on your sweatshirt probably but the car is full of the sound of laughter whereas 3 a minute ago it was full of the sloppy sounds of car sex and moaning.

“M’sorry”

His hands go up and down your waist, hungry, your slick is cooling and the sweat on the back of his neck is turning balmy. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean too.”

You try to pull back and squirm away from the way he’s holding you, but he holds you firmly against him. “Knots gotta go down soon, just stay like this a while.”

You settle, and he scents the top of your head, it’s useless, anyone will be able to tell what you’ve been doing after this, you can feel his cock twitch wet as he cums again a little more, and your pussy clamps down, milking his knot for all it’s worth. You sigh at the feeling.

Compared to your other packmates Hoseok is such a comfortable fit. Whereas when Namjoon knots you you can hardly move, Hoseok's knot is almost comforting. Soothing. The ache in you that wants to be filled truly quiet. (If you got a tape out and measured, you'd see that Hoseok's knot thickness is only a little wider than Namjoon's fully hard)

Alpha musk sweetens the air in satisfaction, but also challenge, the way that Hoseok smells when he and Jimin wrestle and he gains the upper hand- however briefly. Definitely not the way that the alphas usually smell after popping a knot.

You recognize the cross look on his face and aim to kiss it off of him. planting the type of kiss that almost always makes Hobi smile at the corner of his lips.

You pause for a second, for dramatic effect, but it still doesn't make him stop his pouting. “Okay- now you’ve got to tell me what's wrong you’re still literally inside me and you’re not smiling-” you laugh against his throat, pull back worried, “not that you have to be happy fuck- I didn’t mean-”

Your words jog him out of his thoughts and shimmies forward, Hoseok pecks your nose, your lips, still warm from your sighs and moans that he got out of you. His shifting causes his cock and knot to rub up and more fully inside you just slightly, forcing a tiny bit of cum to slip out, cooling and sticky.

But oh well- the inside of the lambo has seen worse messes in recent weeks. You sigh at the movement and rest your face against the hollow of Hobi’s throat, pouting petulantly as he continues the small juts of his hips, content to rip another orgasm out of you (although the front of his white shirt is already soaked translucent with it). He's competitive like that.

You grab his arms to try and slow him, already a little overstimulated and unable to feel your thighs, but Hoseok just grabs your waist and lifts you up, however briefly- to seat you more firmly on his knot, "Hobi fuck-"

There's an itch under his skin that just won't quiet down. Won't settle. You can see that now, his instincts are on edge, gnashing their teeth.

You tilt your throat, offering it up, bearing it to him.

Hoseok watches the action, eyes flinty. Sounding too serious. "How many times does Yoongi usually make you cum?"

Your eyes flutter, and he settles you back against his chest, his heart thuds quick against your ear, "like two or three times usually." Hoseok's knot deflated enough to pull out and he does it slowly, mindful of how sore you must be.

Hoseok goes slowly, but he’s still cum enough that you can’t clench closed enough to keep his cum in, you try and stop it but Hoseok catches your wrist so that you drip out, down, hitting the leather seat. He can’t stop watching you clench, hole pink and fucked, clit twitching because of him. Rubbing smooth circles on your thighs transfixed for a second but then reaching for his phone because.

“Fuck- Namjoon’s gonna go crazy.”

You cover your flaming face with your hands but you let Hoseok send another picture. This time of your wet and messy entrance, pink clit, a bit of his cum in the picture, dripped milky around the leather seat it's- fuck It's utterly pornographic. Might just as well send Namjoon into a rut with how fucking provocative it is.

Hoseok takes another, pressing the head of his cock to your hole, not inside, but just close enough that it's like they're kissing. Hot and wet and dripping with your slick and his cum. pooling a little on the head of his cock.

Hoseok sends it, and immediately gets another call from Namjoon. Hoseok sends it to voicemail only to grin at the amount that the pack alpha has already left.

“Guess how many voicemails he left?” You’re still shaking, still trembling from how hard you came, but Hoseok is so unaffected, all languid and satisfied.

“I don’t know, four?”

Hoseok laughs, husky, and pecks your shoulder. “Fucking seven” he clicks one and you laugh out loud for the scrabbling in the background alone.

“Jimin you are not going to drive to them- calm the fuck down.” Jin's says, sounding angry, in the background but Namjoon’s is deep. More of a growl. “Pups, come home right now, preferably before you end up knotted to each other in public,”

he snickers, "Too late."

You shimmy forward. Unwilling to separate from Hobi even though you're not knotted together anymore. You wouldn't mind just staying like this, cuddled up against his chest. But Hoseok knows what you want, what you need. He pulled out a little too soon (not for the knot, with that he was very very gentle) but because of your instincts. You still need him close.

He sinks inside of you with a sigh and you sniffle, “Keep it nice and warm yeah?” He teases, and you swat at his arm but let him. The drag is hot and filthy and slow.

You think that’s all he’ll do until He reaches down between the two of you to put his thumb and pointer finger around your clit. You jerk, scrambling to grip onto his wrist as he tugs.

“I thought you said Yoongi made you cum 2 or 3 times."

"Yes but- I'm sensitive."

"I like that you're sensitive, for the record, even though I'm probably going to tease you about this later." His voice is so husky, so deep and alpha that you melt and let him do what he wants.

You gasp and he plays with your clit, actually plays with it, rubbing it this way and that. Parting your lips to watch it tremble as you try and clench. His cock twitches where it fills you, starting to rock up and into you just a bit.

“That’s all you wanted right, just someone to touch you right here" He teases, eyes dark, breathing through his teeth as you clench. You tremble from overstimulation but nod dumbly.

Hoseok rubs the tight v of his fingers up and down, popping your clit up and down, such small movements that drive you crazy. You can’t clench any harder around his knot ( starting to fill out again, starting to pulse thick and hot) but Hoseok groans as you try to hold onto him, fingers going faster, sloppier.

You lean back, putting your hands on his knees, letting him see all of you, the damp hem of your shirt where you made it messy. Your pink cunt all for his viewing pleasure as you pop yourself up and down his length.

"Can't-" You're dumb, actually unable to speak as Hoseok starts fucking you again in earnest. The drag so much wetter with his cum already filling you up, squishing out around his cock again.

“Can’t come again?” He raises an eyebrow. “What? You’ll come 3 times for Yoongi but you won’t for me?”

“That’s not- it’s not-“ You can’t think with the way he keeps rubbing, tiny little movements as he continues to tug and rub, the small movements maddening. “Alpha!” you cry as he tugs again, cumming so hard and Hoseok’s fingers- tug again, milking a bit of squirt from you. Just a bit.

You clench so hard it forces his knot out, cum and slick dripping everywhere. Darkening his sweatpants with a dark laugh.

He doesn't leave you unfilled for long, guiding his cock back and forcing it to pop back in. The car rocks and you sob. And yeah- this is exactly what you needed. Your brain shuts off for a bit. You needed someone to fuck and knot the thought out of you gently, but not so gently as to let your mind wander.

You can tell hobi's close by the tone of his voice, how close to a growl it is. “Gonna make you milk my knot, gonna make you cum until Yoongi will have to compete with me. Until I’m the one who-“ Hoseok cuts himself off as his knot pops for the second time.  

His knot feels hotter the second time around, thicker too- maybe it’s just because you feel so tight and full of his cum.

It’s calm for a second, calm. The sound of the crashing waves, his breath as he breathes in deep. You don't know how long you stay like that, so close to each other that you can hardly breathe. His knot still hasn’t gone down. His breath and your breath, you kiss his temple his cheek. And when you pull back to look at him, his face has that same look to it. You don’t even have to ask him, he already knows that you're going to ask what he meant by the last bit.

“It’s nothing.” but you wait because you know it’s not and that he's just working up to it.

You kiss at his temple. (How lovely is it- that your favorite place to be kissed should be called the same name as a house of worship?) Hoseok kisses you back just as reverently.

Earlier when he was thinking about something, he got that competitive look on his face, and he wears that same look now. “It’s just, earlier I was thinking about it.”

“When you were frowning the first time?”

“No. At the house.” Hoseok is silent for another second, rubbing a soothing hand down your spine. And you realize you’re not afraid of anything he might say, not even a little bit, not even at all.

“You said, with Tae- that you wanted to marry her.”

Hoseok closes his eyes, just briefly. His eyelashes catch the light from the streetlamps. “I've never thought about getting married, not at all, and I'm not asking that's not- I'm not-" Hoseok sighs, frustrated. He's fine with dirty talk and teasing but this- this is so much harder to say.

"I was just looking at you and wondering...wondering why you chose her out of the whole pack and not someone else"

Why not me?

You and Hobi have agreed that saying the scary things is the way you get through it. Love will do you no good if you can’t do it scared.

You pull back and the look on your face makes Hobi blush, it’s so open and honest, like a hint of humor chased with all the love in the world. Hoseok pulls you tighter, more firmly against him in the front seat of the Lamborghini.

You’ve only been officially official for the last few weeks. But already Hobi can’t think of his life without you, can’t think of any world where you don’t mean just as much to him as the others do. If mating marks could go 8 ways it would be an easy choice, but they don’t work that way.

He’s never even called you his girlfriend for Christ’s sake. And he’s already talking about mating marks and marriage. and feeling hurt when you offer those shows of devotion to other people and not him. Jealousy in packs shouldn't exist, but it sort of does sometimes.   You nudge his nose with yours. A small little nuzzle. “You and I are more matching tattoo people, aren’t we? I thought you’d want more than just a ring.”

A laugh jumps out of Hoseok’s chest like lightning, surprising him with how little he expects it, “Really? Fuck- you’d get matching tattoos with me?”

You lift his palm up to your throat, the blank side and then the one marred by Yoongi’s mating bite. “I’ve already got one mark on me that I can’t erase, gotta give you the same treatment.”

He’s a little speechless, eyes glittering with stars (they’re just from the streetlights but still) you keep it going. “If you could bite me? Where would you put it?”

Hoseok sits up straight, dragging his kiss down the side of your throat, “here maybe?” the tops of your breasts, “or here maybe,” next to your heart, Hoseok brings his hand to his face, kissing the center of it. “Probably here.”

You cover his hand with yours and then grip his shoulder, thumb rubbing up and down his pectoral, your foreheads resting against each other.

“If you ever need, if you ever want- like today- you can just ask me.”

“You sure? It wouldn’t be like- too much?” you don’t say her name, you don’t say that it would be like before. But Hoseok closes his eyes, he knows you won’t ever do anything like that. He doesn’t honestly think you’d be capable of that…the guilt and the forcing.

Hoseok isn’t worried about it in the slightest. He knows if he ever felt even a bit like that, he could tell you and you’d stop without a second thought. Whatever you need.  (If that doesn’t count as marriage, I’m not sure what god is looking for.)

“I’m sure. I like this, it’s nice.” It’s nice when it’s just the two of us, you’re my best friend.

You’re coming down, still resting against his chest. Hoseok’s knot will have deflated enough for him to pull out without pain in a few moments, a few breaths as you exchange sleepy soft kisses. Nowhere to go and nowhere to be. The panic has worn out of you. The frantic desire simmering low and sated in your veins. The fire turned down low. The fear was non-existent.

Until a loud screech punctuates the quiet.

It’s pretty immediate how everything falls apart. One moment you and Hobi are curled up against each other. And the next second you look over his shoulder and see the red and blue flashing lights. You have seconds, maybe a breath before the sirens blare and those lights flash brighter. A foreign voice coming over the loudspeaker shattering the quiet. “Stay where you are!”

“Shit! Hobi!” Hoseok jerks, you are still knotted together but he pulls you off of him with little care for your comfort. You don’t blame him too panicked as you slide to the passenger seat and he tucks his cock back into his sweats. Reaching for your jeans a second too late.

“Crap- pull up your pants- oh fucking hell-“

Both of you turn syrupy slow when the police officer taps on his window. Shining his light inside of the foggy car.

~-~

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Notes:

yoongi gets fewer parts in this chapter because he's going to get a dedicated moment in the next chapter!!!

to be honest- i'm not really totally sure that jimin in bily has autisim or not- if he does have autism slightly or not, he does have the same sort of sensory issues that i do, i guess i can't answer the question for jimin because i can't answer it for myself yet.

jimin like me- realizes that the sensory stuff really affects him- i think he's never been allowed to realize how things make him feel. he's never been that sure of his emotions and his feelings.

if leg hair has one hater it's me, if leg hair has no haters then i am dead.

i wrote this chapter with the understanding that if jimin does have some form of psychopathy- then jin certainly does have it too- like out of all of them i think that the dynamic that fits them best is "jimin is crazy and knows it, jin is crazy and doesn't know it."

Song inspiration is just Rm's- Around the world in a day. i know we only have one song but!!! what a break of charecter!!

was i inspired by namjoons "she a pro-rida, Oo Oo Oo Oo rida~" for this chapter? yes i was. and what about it??

hoseok and the m/c are such a mess i swear to god i love them so much like- they're just so cute in their little car sex scene.

[curious-menace]

Arkham Scarecrow SFW Alphabet

im really enjoying writing arkham scarecrow. maybe ill do something similar to my random riddler headcanons posts with some scarecrows

long post under the cut

 A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Uhhh, the short answer is no. Jonathan is almost wholly incapable of what most people would term “affection”. His idea of loving is not using you for his experiments, only giving you small doses to build up your immunity( not that that will stop him from enjoying watching you panic). Jonathan leans heavily on gifts and words of affirmation as his language of love ( assuming he can even feel that emotion). He calls you  “my dear”  and “my darling” or once “my pumpkin” if he had too much to drink. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Jonathan would make a good friend if he could ever be wrangled into admitting it. He’s a complete bastard, but he's a loyal bastard. He always goes above and beyond for his friends but it's always in a “aw shit. My favorite idiot needs help AGAIN?!” begrudging , kind of way. You probably met in university/college and if you've stuck with him this long he’d be hard to get rid of.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He never asks for cuddles and is pretty touch adversed as a rule. Sometimes though, He simply plonks himself in your space and expects you to know what he wants. Usually it's gentle backrubs/strokes like you would with a child. Sometimes he just wants your warmth to sooth his aching body. He’s heavier than he was in Arkham asylum but still very underweight so you shouldn't have too much trouble moving him into a comfortable position.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Absolutely not. I'm not convinced this man owns more than his books and the burlap sack on his back ,never mind a home. He has plans to take the cloudburst on tour, to go cross country and then across the world spreading fear. That would be a little difficult if he had gotham mortgage sending him nasty emails every other day about missed payments. While he can cook and clean, I doubt you'd want to eat anything he made. Ignoring his filthy hands, he's probably laced it with fear toxin or a lethal amount of hot sauce.

His homemade cleaning chemicals are pretty stellar mind you. They can get blood, piss or tears out of anything. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Scarecrow really is a ride or die kinda guy. If you've wormed your way into his life then he’s going to do literally everything and anything to keep you in it. He’s not above making you dependent on him for safety just to keep you around longer. He’s not a total monster to the people he cares about mind you. If you really didn't want to be with him, he’d let you go….eventually.

I'm not sure he fully understands the concept of a “breakup”on his end. He gets that you don't see eachother anymore but I don't think he quite grasps that it's not because one party is dead. There's a 99% chance he’ll use you for his fear toxin experiments as a way of kicking you to the kerb. If you wake up in a ditch with a text that says “we’re through” you should consider yourself lucky. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

I canon arkham scarecrow as having been engaged at one point in his life, possibly around the time of origins. I can imagine his partner gave him a “me or the fear toxin” ultimatum which has led to the man you know now. Despite how he looks, how he speaks and acts, he’s still open to the idea of a partner. He’s a loyal man who can't stand backstabbers, he’d appreciate someone like a spouse/husband/wife to have his back. If he decided he wanted to get married he’d propose almost immediately. It might be more of a business or thesis type proposal with lots of talking rather than flowers and wine and you're likely to be married as soon as you said yes. 

He has a tiny pumpkin ring saved for the occasion. Something like this (image credit https://www.banggood.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s gentle, in a creepy way unsurprisingly. He was a little stronger than the average man before the incident with croc, all that cardio and fighting with batman made him a skinny legend amongst the rogues for how well he could fight. Now? He couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. Mostly he's calm and soft, especially when you wouldn't expect him to be.  He can still be an emotionally manipulative person but chances are good you're smart enough to see right through him. Calling him on his bs is actually a good way to endear yourself to him. He likes a challenge and he loves it when people think they can outsmart him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hmm. yes and no. Scarecrow is severely touch adversed, but...It's not like with Riddler; Edward is on the autism spectrum and genuinely gets overstimulated by a lot of physical contact, he doesn't usually enjoy it unless under specific circumstances. Scarecrow WANTS to be hugged and held on occasion, but the mere thought of someone in his personal bubble sends his hackles up. 

When he first woke up after the asylum, he clung to you like a lampent. Scarecrow gives and recieves hugs like someone who needs them to breath.Your warmth soothes the aching pain when even drugs couldn't . By the time of Arkham Knight he’s grown cold and distant. His hugs are few and far between and unusually half hearted even when he initiates them. Maybe he’s just preoccupied with batman.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I doubt he’d ever say the words ``i love you” but he’s absolutely going to quote love poetry at you, recite lines from his favorite literature  “shall i compare you to a summer's day” and all that. That’s far better than a simple “i love you” right?

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jonathan is sort of one note when it comes to expressing frustration. Coffee machine not working? Melt it down into fear toxin vials. Line at the grocery store? Gas everyone out of his way. He doesnt get mad, he gets even. He’s not a super jealous person, he’s probably the most secure in himself out of all the rogues in Gotham bar Selina and ivy. But when something does hit his jealousy bone just right? LORD HE IS TERRIBLE. 

Unless you were the instigator, you are 100% safe but the poor soul who made the mistake of flirting with you will never see the light of day again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He can't really kiss to be honest. He lacks a lot of lip tissue and tongue dexterity for deep smooching. He’s quite happy to give you little pecks on the cheek but anywhere else will get sloppy and he's not a fan of that. Jonathan has actually started to bump you with his head like a cat in lieu of kisses. Rare as it is, when he wants kisses he has a tendency to nuzzle into the crook of your neck or rest his head on your shoulder. He likes to be kissed on the cheek , forehead and top of his head. Most other places are covered in scars and lack the sensitivity to enjoy it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He likes to scare kids. It's not as malicious as it is with adults, he just likes to yell boo at them, smiling as they scream and giggle and run away. It's probably the most innocent he’ll act around other people. He still doesnt like them per say but he’ll tolerate them in small doses. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Scarecrow , like most rogues, is not a morning person. He doesn't sleep well and he is hella grumpy when he first wakes up. Expect to watch him shuffle around his hideout like a zombie, still wearing a quilt and his dressing gown as he complains about everything from the weather to the loud creaking of the floorboards. You should present him with food and coffee and then retreat to a safe distance until he’s fully awake, otherwise he’s liable to turn on his grumpy old man routine on you. If he's feeling particularly sore or needy, he’ll ask you to help change his bandages and dressings .

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It really depends on what he feels like in the moment. Sometimes he’ll leave you at home while he goes out to cause general mischief, sometimes he’ll bring you along as a look out. Sometimes it's a low-key night at the hideout reading and sometimes it's a caffeine fueled frenzie of experimentation and lab work with you as his trusty lab assistant.  He doesn't sleep well at night, the aches keep him up. If he were ever to actually go to bed he might find that you make a great pillow.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As much as he resents people having the upperhand with information, it's hard not for people to see his past. His scars are so easily visible, inside and out. He doesn't talk about his past unless prompted. But if you do he’ll quite happily answer all your questions; he’s not afraid of discussing it. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jonathan is a very patient man, not just when it comes to revenge.It takes quite a lot to make him fly off the handle and he cools off again quickly. That's not to say he doesn't hold a grudge like he’s being paid for it, only that it's more of a simmering anger rather than a boiling one.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things about you, he has an excellent memory. But that being said he never lets on that he knows these things. He likes to hear you talk about the things that interest you, even if you've told him about it before. Watching you wax lyrical about your chosen subject makes him feel close to you. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I don't know if it's a favorite or even a positive memory but when he first woke up from surgery after croc you were lying beside him. He was understandably confused, maybe even afraid, but seeing you there brought him great comfort. He didn't know what was happening because of all the meds, but as long as you were with him he was confident things would work out for him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He means well, you should always keep that in mind  before you snap at him. He brought you to the arkham knights HQ to protect you from his plans, he’s given you micro doses of fear toxin to build your resistance and by the time of arkham knight you can hardly move for the amount of guards he has following you around. He’s overbearing bordering on controlling but I think it's because he simply can't admit the thought of losing you scares him, even just a little. You aren't a rogue, you don't know Batman like they do. He just needs to keep you safe from batman, from the police and from the ugly world outside.

Given how weak he’s been viewed practically all his life, I believe he’d resent the accusation he needed protecting. deep in his mind he knows no one man is an island. He appreciates little helps even if he won't say it. He doesn't need protection per say but If nothing else, after being injected with his new toxin, he's going to need someone who’s corpus mentis in his corner for court and medical proceedings.  

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His idea of a perfect date is you two working on your respective projects in comfortable silence, maybe a trip to the museum if he feels like the exercise. Obviously that suits some people down to the ground, myself included, but he gets that it's not for everyone. He’s probably ok with you planning the activities provided you warn him beforehand. 

Given everything he’s been planning for batman, things like important dates and even everyday tasks have a tendency to get lost in the fray. He's not doing it on purpose, He’s glad to celebrate these things with you if you remind him, He's just got his priorities in a funny order.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He shuffles his feet when he walks and is one of those people who always has conversations in doorways. You can never be sure he isn't aware of these habits and is doing them on purpose. He also used to smoke quite heavily but has since given it up due to his throat and lung issues.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's sort of a mixed bag with him. On the one hand he knows he’s ugly, that's the point. You're MEANT to be scared looking at him, he’s leaning into it. But on the other hand his “look” is a carefully maintained visage; if it slips it might lose the intended effect. He might not be as scary to look at or worse, people might look at him in pity. It's not ordinary vanity or narcissism but yes, he is concerned with maintaining the way he looks 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The concept of feeling whole is somewhat lost on him; He’s clearly missing a few screws even in his most lucid moments. That said even in the depths of madness brought on by his toxin, he still notices your absence. Still incredibly distressed In his cell in blackgate, he can often be heard crying out to you for comfort  but is lacking the wherewithal to understand why you're not there. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Given that he has pretty extensive facial injuries, eating is pretty difficult for him. He used to really enjoy bagels and cubanos from gothams many deli’s. His favorite was a kosher deli in The Cauldron, before Joker ruined it. They’ve since rebuilt and while he can't eat many solids anymore , he still enjoys their matzo soup and smoothies. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like most of the rogues, he absolutely can't stand bullies.He also can't stand physically aggressive people; if you're going to even TRY and intimidate him maybe you could use your words like someone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together, rare as that is in gotham. Back when he was a psychiatrist he hated people who were chronically late. Not his patients, most of the time it wasn't their fault  due to executive dysfunction or traffic, but people who kept HIM back and made HIM late were the bane of his existence. 

Z = Zzz (What are their sleep habits?)

Crane is a back sleeper who snores because of his damaged septum.He knows he makes a noise akin to a flip flop in a lawn mower but there is literally nothing he can do about it besides sleep on his stomach. He squirms around a lot in his sleep so even if he starts on his stomach, he’ll be on his back snoring like a dead horse in no time. The only thing that could keep him frontwise is if he were to sleep on you and have you hold him in place. 

[bornadreamer]

My watch dogs 2 headcanons

Sitara:

 Aro/Ace (not just because she wears the flag colors lol)

Dedsec is a big queerplatonic relationship for her. She loves all the guys so much and would kill for them, but as soon as someone mentions her fucking one she kinda just *vomit emoji*

Hyper protective of kids. After the mission with her niece she dedicates at least 10 hours a week to developing software to protect kids on the internet/root out pedos

Hardcore listens to nature noises while she paints/sketches

Fantastic at calling people out on their bullshit. She does NOT let the guys get away with anything demeaning/sexist, even by accident. To their credit, they always apologize and try to do better

Loves weird/facey tea flavors. One time she brought back a bbq boba tea and everyone else gagged. 

Knows everyone’s triggers and actively purges them from Dedsec feeds before the others can see

Crazy wine aunt vibes. Will care for you when sick, but will roast you for how you acted like a baby after.

When she gets panic attacks, she needs weighted blankets. Like, enough to break a few ribs. Wrench sat on her once. It actually helped. 

Loves She-ra. Hacked the studio to watch the eps being made and yelled at the screen like a banshee the whole time. The boys were very afraid.

Horatio:

Actual only straight person in the group. The butt of so, so many jokes.

He, like Marcus, LOVES fashion. While he can’t wear what he wants all the time due to his undercover persona, he buys fashion mags like nobody’s business. Can name his ten favorite designers off the top of his head. 

A little bit very OCD, though you can’t tell by looking at him. Ratio is very anal about what goes where. Everyone knows not to go near his station in the hackerspace. 

One time Wrench knocked over his desk (nearly destroying his rig) and Ratio’s stuff went flying. Wrench almost had a guilt meltdown. Luckily, Sitara had a picture and they managed to put everything back almost exactly. Almost.

Stress cleans. When his undercover stuff is really getting to him, he’ll kick everyone out of the hackerspace and just. Clean. For hours. When they’re allowed back in you could eat off the floor.

Since he can’t be around all the time, he gets little gifts for everyone and leaves them at their stations to show that he’s thinking about them.

Wrench:

We been knew that the boy is suicidal, but he’s manic-depressive bipolar as well (also not shocking)

ADHD

Self medicated with every kind of drug out there.

Marcus and Josh eventually beat him down enough to take Meds That Are Actually Helpful. Sitara mediates. It was A Process. 

All of his fingers are broken from one thing or another, it made him really self conscious when he Marcus and Josh started dating. He didn’t like holding hands because he felt his were ugly. 

Texts solely through emojis like fucking hieroglyphs. Half the time nobody knows what he’s saying. He has no intention to stop. It drives everyone nuts.

Likes to be the middle spoon, with Marcus as the big and Josh as the little

DO NOT let him consume more than three cups of coffee. He will not sleep for days. 

The first few weeks of sleeping with Josh and Marcus he doesn’t take his mask off. He’s terrified. Finally, they manage to get im comfortable enough to do so and his boyfriends have a great time kissing every inch of his face. He laugh-cried from relief. 

He and Marcus have terrible hacker movie night. They watch cheesy hacker moves and laugh at how bad everything is.

Squishy toys help relax him when he’s having a bad manic episode or an anxiety attack.

Josh:

Also hardcore ADHD

Somewhere on the autism spectrum as well. 

Marcus’s first gift to him as his boyfriend was a chewy necklace, since he needs his hands to hack. It actually helped more than he thought it would.

Most of the time he totally forgets he has it, though

Unironically enjoys black and white television. He’ll have I Love Lucy running for audio while he’s working. Sometimes he even turns on the blind narration.

Horatio and Marcus switch off on making him blind narration eps. They have a ball with it.

Lists. Lists. Lists. This boy has a timed checklist for almost every day. His phone will ping and won’t stop until he Does The Thing. When he’s really in the zone and doesn’t hear it everyone at Dedsec kind of wants to kill him.

Sometimes Marcus and Wrench need to tag team who coaxes him into the shower and who does his laundry while he’s distracted because this boy is a fucking disaster. They both fucking hate his green hoodie. 

Must Hack. There is nothing else But The Hack.

Will crack if you say enough bad puns. It’s really the only humor he can get behind

When he does his happy stim (flappy hands) everyone at Dedsec just does from cuteness overload

Loves slow, lazy kissing in the morning or right before bed. It’s the only time his brain slows down enough to really enjoy it before he goes into work mode

Marcus:

He and Ratio have the deepest discussions about fashion. They both lose their minds at John Boyega and Orville Peck

Marcus loves to shop! He drags Wrench and Josh with him for opinions, though neither of them really care they love how happy it makes him. Sitara is his real shopping companion, she Knows what looks good on him.

He’s the only neurotypical person in Dedsec. Boy was THAT and adjustment. Marus spent months after he joined reading up on everyone’s conditions and how to best help. He feels like a pro now, but is eager to learn. He stayed updated on all medical research. 

Marcus works with Sitara to prepare little emergency ‘fit-kits’ as they call them, for everyone. He can pull them out when someone’s having an episode and help them through it.

It can be a struggle to make sure both his boyfriends are on their meds and keeping themselves healthy, but he’s happy to do it. Marcus can take almost anything life throws at him

Organizes hack offs within the group just to show off, basically. The only one who has beaten him so far is Josh.

Josh isn’t into clubbing, so Marcus and Wrench party hard. When they come home they binge one of Josh’s old shows until all three fall asleep on the couch. 

Tasers pedos and rapists on sight, unless he’s on mission.

He goes back for them after

Terrified of motorcycles but loves weird cars.

He’s jewish and keeps a menorah at the hackerspace. Everyone loves to help him celebrate. 

[critical-ramblings]

Things that Mean More on a second watch-through of C2

Episode 8-10

"He burned alive in front of me" "Yeah you did that though" this is why I love Beau

Caleb identifying all the things and then not telling them what it is makes a first appearance! It's so clear here how little he trusts them, even as he jokes with Beau 'you look like a nerd' and Fjord 'yeah those manacles just stop you from being gassy"

Fjord snaps Beau's goggles almost immediately upon her acquiring them. so what I'm saying is that they've always had that sibling energy

Caleb purposefully manipulates Jester by giving her the wand--to distract her from the glove of blasting...too bad Beau is on the case.

Beau says she's getting her own room, and Jester says they've always been roommates...this is also the night Beau tucks her in, so....THIS IS IN EPISODE 8 PEOPLE

Jester extorting the starosta for Fjord's letter is still Incredible, as is the first appearance of "Fjord Tough." I still lost it with the rest of the table.

Caleb didn't have to roll a wisdom save after he incinerated the bandit leader because he was immediately knocked unconscious, but Liam makes up for it with the nightmare he has afterward (take them out, take them out!) LOVE ME SOME ANGSTY WIZARD

I already made a post about this, but I feel compelled to remind everyone that the shady guide they meet when they first get to Zadash is the abandoned business partner of Lawrence, Tary's husband. 

First appearance of Pumat Sol! I love how much the cast love's Matt's voices

"Unpleasant one, let's go" "obnoxious one, I'm with ya" Molly and Beau are so good you guys

"There are those who believe [tieflings] are the result of the Curse of Ghor Dranas" cool world-building Matt!

"The Apple Tree Learning Center" is a soltryce-run 'public school' for children and adults...who wants to bet it was a similar school that discovered the blumentrio? Or at least encouraged them to apply

the first time Caleb transcribed a spell (unseen servant) he IMMEDIATELY invited Nott to help him. And Nott, though dismayed that it was going to take 2 hours, was willing to help out.

"What are you doing with my cat?" Molly won't be able to see through Frumpkin's eyes, but he's got the spirit

"When you compliment people it sounds like a fucking insult," Fjord and Beau are GREAT

Maye one reason we have a dim view of the Empire is because our first plot line in Zadash involved corrupt politicians...not to mention Caleb's whole Thing

First mention of the Cerberus Assembly: general complaints that they're grabbing for power and influence in Zadash and beyond.

Nott being afraid of the bath :( "a person could drown in that"

I legitimately forgot how much they treated Nott like a kid...from the swimming lesson, 'you'll get a sticker'

Caleb is SUPER paranoid, asking everyone how they feel about the Empire and sounding out these new party members. Funnily enough, it's Molly who is most on his wavelength as far as keeping a low profile goes

Yasha really didn't want to confess which god she followed to the rest of the Nein, but when pressed said, "he pulled me out of what felt like literally the depths of hell. I owe him my life." this is without even remembering Obann or what he did.

The contrast between early Beau/Yasha 'do I get a good view" 'roll for perv' and later Softness is...a lot

Caleb and Yasha bond over not doing the hugging thing

Nott LEANS AWAY after asking how dangerous the sewer job is going to be. She is Not On Board for risking her life the way the others are--not even for 700 gold.

'you kicked his cat into oblivion!' "I didn't!" Matt doesn't often distance himself from his NPCs, but when he does it's for animal cruelty and bad parenting.

Jester talking about her visit with the Traveler in the Pillow Trove is...Relevant. It's kind of crazy how early the line was drawn between Fjord and Beau not trusting him and Caleb being quick to prop up Jester's faith, "there are stories that tell of gods dabbling with mortals, not often but it does happen." whereas Beau says, "I'm interested in a god who kicks it with mortals. Never heard of that."

Caleb not wanting to get a new jacket because he knows this one is big autism feels (even if it is also his paranoia talking)

"she does see hamster unicorns. they're gods, right?" "No Beau they're just--they're just unicorns" I love them

"I've never been in a sewer" Molly says, excitedly, and also making me Feel Things

the evolution of Yasha's voice is really cute. we stan 1 Ashley Johnson

I think I was still listening to the podcast at this point so I totally missed all of the It jokes Liam did in the sewer job

Nott sees everyone getting ready to fight and takes a drink. It is interesting to keep track of her drinking, knowing everything we know now.

rat punching, the pasttime of lvl 3 adventurers.

Yasha, to Caleb: "are you very scared right now"

Caleb: "no because I am with all of you"

Nott: "I'm very scared right now"

Caleb advocating for looting the guards the spider killed is #vultureculture

It gets overlooked in later episodes, but 10 was when Nott's button collecting really took off.

They meet the Zadash Lawmaster Orentha and Nott immediately says, "she seems nice. I wonder why all those people wanted to rebel against her." if that doesn't sum up the themes of this campaign idk what does

Nott says, "and now we never have to do another adventure again" she's come so far

Caleb is VERY transactional after this fight, handing out loot for favors and goodwill with individual party members rather than splitting the loot.

This leads directly to Molly pinning him to the wall, which in retrospect was definitely a play for authority and dominance and not anything shippy.

Caleb straight up says to Fjord, "I don't trust you yet. I don't trust any of these people yet."

That whole conversation is actually Very Good: 

Fjord: "That's too bad"

Caleb: "yeah I have...I have made mistakes in my life. And, I'm, I have harmed people. Not in a long time. *clears throat* you know I thought I was going to be something, someday, a long time ago, and now I. Don't."

"We've all harmed people, and I hope you come to trust me in time" this is why I ship widofjord (emphasis mine)

 Nott going through Fjord's stuff is also this episode! Such shady motherfuckers

"If the money's right and it's not stupid" is a good philosophy for this group

"Your cat got kicked into another dimension?!" "Oh he had such a face, I will never forget this face"

They have fireflies in Kamordah and not Nicodranas. Canon.

[macaron-n-cheese]

My little special interest topics! (Finally got to writing this)

Ulysses S. Grant: I actually don't know where to start. He's just my #1 guy. Every new thing I learn about Grant is so fascinating. I think what I like best about him is just that he is such a normal and genuinely caring person who rose to power through honesty and sincere effort. Grant is unlike other historical figures who usually dominate the spotlight like the founding fathers who had advantages in life, something that makes him so extraordinary. I like him because he is a good person who, although he definitely made mistakes, tried his very best to pursue justice no matter what other people thought. Grant also admitted his mistakes, something that so many historical figures and just people in general who have a good reputation seem afraid to do. Grant makes me happy and I smile about him. Absolutely awesome dude :). I'm so glad he was president but am sad that people forget about him mostly in part due to Lost Cause propaganda slandering him.

The Complexities and Confusion of Thomas Jefferson: My #1 problematic fav. Thomas Jefferson never fails to be interesting. I've always had a fascination with him. Something that makes him so fun to study in my opinion is his personal life rather than the actions he took that made an impact on the world. Jefferson is personally very mysterious though his actions are well known. I constantly wonder what his thought process was that caused him to be so hypocritical, racist, and willingly blind to his own actions. There is the added complexity of Jefferson most likely being autistic, and I personally wonder how he coped with this. From what I recognize so far, he became unmasked later in life (but also gave into his intrusive thoughts) likely due to the fact that he had garnered so much power that he didn't need to worry about it anymore. The death of Martha Wayles Skeleton Jefferson (yes full name I didn't want it to get confused with Patsy) completely altered his life and how he approached it.

My Favorite Historical Content: This is basically a bunch of miscellaneous stuff. Historical media and film is SO engaging and entertaining so that I get to enjoy history as well as enjoying historical fiction to hyperfixate on. In addition, my autism has me bound to contract that I have to get REALLY into the media and make sure to fact check it and everything, which endears it to me even more! What I like about history is the people, something that is so much more of a focus than other approaches to history. Film and such brings these people to life. Because there is so much of a focus on these people, I think that historical accuracy of them has a different nature than the accuracy of events or dates. If done incorrectly, a person and what they portray is inaccurate (think King George III in Hamilton being entirely like his actual self to amplify the stakes and add entertainment). When done correctly, it can amplify actual things about a person that cannot be done so easily through writing (like Hancock in HBO John Adams being rich and smug or Thomas Jefferson in 1776 being obsessed with his wife). Also Hornblower <33333 this series is so awesome I love it. Horatio and Grant are my justice-pursuing, babygirl, ass-kicking (and kicked) blorbos.

Genshin Impact: .My dirty little secret is that I like Genshin Impact and have been playing it since version 1.4 I think >:). I like collecting characters and looking at the aesthetically pleasing landscapes and character designs in the game. The story is fun and I enjoy how different cultures are adapted to fit into such a fun game! Well written characters are all very likable in their own ways. I do have to say that many of them fall into a trope or are cringe in some way, but a lot of them are also actually likable. Overall I like talking about characters and being able to interact with them through character builds. It also has such a large player base that much more people can relate to it in some way than my other interests.

My dogs: I LOVE MY DOGS!!!! They are something I can always talk about to anyone. They are my safe topic when I cannot think of anything to say. My dogs are also adorable. Our first dog is Rosie, an 11 year old black labrador retriver. She is friendly but has anxiety and is slowing down as she ages, but she is a sweet girl. Poor girl probably has a psychological condition that's undiagnosed since she can't talk. On the other hand, Mac, our 3 year old yellow labrador retriever is a stereotypical dog who is playful and silly. Mac always makes me laugh and he is very open about loving us all. He is very good at relieving my anxiety because of his playful nature being able to put me in a good mood. Mac is also a crybaby and whines when he doesn't get what he wants but it is pretty funny.

Mac...

And Rosie!

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Also ghosts and ghost stories tehe, fashion, art, and architectual history, Disney animation (particularly older films and the history of the studio), pin collecting, niche music and sea shanties, appreciating rural nature and landscapes, traveling to historical sites, musical theater, classic literature (especially Jane Austen), more that I am forgetting at the moment.

TAGGED BY @rmstitanics <3333 thank you for the tag!!! This was fun!

TAGGING: @sherlockedin1776 @my-deer-friend @pranklinfierce @acrossthewavesoftime @battleofbunkerhill @gellmet-head @lams-is-canon @silliestcolressfan @nojodasjuan @pingskumonium and open tag to whoever would like to add! :) I have too many mutuals to tag you all <3

List 5 topics you could talk about for an hour without preparing any material.

With Malice Toward None: a Musical of Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War. I’ve been developing this musical since summer 2020. With Malice Toward None focuses on exploring the mental health struggles that Lincoln experienced during his presidency. The musical is narrated by Robert Todd Lincoln, who recalls the storyline’s events with complete omniscience while at the 1922 Lincoln Memorial dedication. Relevant themes for the show include mental health, public history, teams that become brotherhoods, compassion, the stages of grief, leadership, and a bunch of other concepts that I’ll probably end up yapping about on here at some point. Orchestrally, the show can be described as “if Les Misérables, Hello Dolly, and Evita decided to have a threesome in my brain”.

all of my original characters. seriously. I have SO MANY OF THEM that I’ve developed over the years, mostly for historical fiction. 😭 the ones that are living rent free in my head the most right now are Anastasia Andrews-Ismay (the human personification of the Titanic), Lieutenant General Ethan Clay, and Dr. Constance Pierpont Morgan. Honorable mention goes to my Star Wars OC Shi’al Valorum 💅 if any of these muses seem familiar to you then we’ve probably either been in a discord server together or you’ve somehow stumbled across one of my roleplay blogs.

the rms titanic. literally EVERYTHING about this ship and her sinking is my Roman Empire. I’m particularly fond of yapping about Captain Smith, Thomas Andrews, Wallace Hartley, William Pirrie, J.P. Morgan, or any of the officers — but if you get me talking about the vilification of Bruce Ismay by the sensationalist yellow press in the aftermath of the sinking, then I WILL NEVER SHUT UP.

star wars. my first exposure to the Star Wars franchise was when I was a sophomore in high school and I got to see a screening of A New Hope where the soundtrack was played by a live orchestra. suffice to say, this altered my brain chemistry and I’ve never been the same since. I’m a Prequels girlie and Jedi apologist to my CORE; my favorite characters are probably Yoda, Dooku, Mace Windu, and Bail Organa.

film and tv soundtracks. …the fact that I once did a TWENTY FIVE MINUTE LONG presentation on the film score for Titanic (1997) should tell you everything that you need to know about this silly fixation of mine.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: ghost hunting, tarot cards, classical music, Taylor Swift, creative liberties taken by Lin Manuel Miranda for Hamilton, historical fiction as a genre in an era where media literacy is on the decline, Antebellum America, the Great Triumvirate (Henry Clay, John Calhoun, Daniel Webster), the Lost Cause of the Confederacy, and public history.

TAGGED BY no one. I stole it from the for you tab LOL

TAGGING: @viellohi, @the-rmstitanic, @man-i-dunno, @allysah, @charmwasjess, @quicksiluers, @aceofthyme, @tipsywench, @macaron-n-cheese, @meerawrites, @elisabeth515, @its-rmstitanic, @mattaytchtaylor, @tommy-288, @chamberlainswifey, AND YOU.

[tobiosvolleyball]

Perfect for me,, Ch1

Summery: A girl who had been running through walkers ran into a group, who turned out to run huge school. Would she get along with everyone? Would she be kicked out? Would they find out about her secret and kick her out like her last group did or would they welcome her with open arms?

Pairing: Louis x autistic reader

words: 1112 words

uploaded; July 21 2020

Warnings: almost meltdown, and that’s about it

Disclaimer: I do not speak for others with autism and I’m speaking from my experience 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 You were running through the forest, walkers chasing you quite slowly, but they were gaining on you. You’re not really sure what happened next but a few moments later a group of kids were standing in front of you. You glanced around, not really sure of what was happening. Dead walkers were scattered on the ground and blood was everywhere, all over the ground, the trees… and you. You hate the feel of blood, the stickiness covering your hands and arms, You look up to see a tallish kid with blonde hair, which was cut to be a mullet, the next kid was a short girl who also had blonde hair, she was holding a meat cleaver. Lastly, there was a boy with brown dreads, a trench coat, and a… chair leg?? 

     “Hey, you alright?” The blonde hair boy asked.

     You ignored his questions as your hands began to shake, there was too much to handle for you at the moment, all you could think about was the blood, the sticky and gooey blood on your hands, you want it off, get it off, off, off, off, off, off, off, OFF!! The next thing you knew you were crying. The group quickly became confused, why were you crying? They had just saved you, everything was okay now. The kid with the dreads stepped forward, watching as you stared at your hands. He realized what was happening as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. 

   “Let me help.” 

     He grabbed your hands slowly so as to not startle you, though you quickly began to panic and tried to pull away, ‘don’t touch me, no touching, I don’t like touching.’ 

   “Don’t be afraid, I’m trying to help you, Can I clean the blood off your hands?”

     You hesitated but nodded, you hated being touched when things like this happen, but the blood is far worse than touching. You quickly hold your hands out, which were shaking tremendously, you just want this to be over. 

     He grabbed your hands and began to gently but quickly clean off the blood. Once he had finished, everyone stayed silent, waiting for you to gather your thoughts. After a couple of minutes you had slightly calmed, still a bit shaky. 

   “Uh, I’m Marlon, this is Violet,” He introduced himself and the girl with the meat cleaver. “And, this is my best friend Louis.”

     Louis stepped forward once again, holding his hand out. You placed your hand in his as he slowly lifted it up to his lips, kissing it softly. 

   “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said in a slightly joking tone.

   “Come on Louis, don’t scare her away already.” Marlon spoke, at that moment stepping forward. “Are you alone?”

     You nodded as you looked at the tree behind him, causing the group to look back to see if another walker was approaching. When they had noticed there wasn’t anything there they had turned back around to face you. 

   “Well you seem like a nice girl, how would you feel about heading back to the school with us?” Marlon spoke in a somewhat soft voice, thought still somewhat assertive.

     You nodded once again, turning around and grabbing your backpack that you must have dropped when you had almost had a meltdown. You kneeled onto the ground, opening your backpack and quickly searching through it, after thirty seconds or so you began to panic. ‘Where was she?’. After a few more seconds of searching, you found it, you pulled out a stuffed lamb, very small in size, smaller than your hand, the inside was filled with beads, making a rattling sound whenever moved. You held your lamb closely to your body, hugging her to you tightly. After a few more moments you zipped up your backpack and stood, putting the lamb in your pocket. 

   “Ready to go?” Marlon inquired.

     You nodded as the four of you began to walk, the group walking slightly ahead of you, you had stayed a little behind, Louis noticing your falling behind, had started walking slower, so you could catch up to him. 

   “Hey, I never got your name.” 

   “Y/N.” You spoke quietly. 

   “Well, Y/N, I think you have a beautiful name.”

   “Thank you.” 

     You two walked for a couple minutes in silence before Louis spoke again. 

   “Where are you from?”

    “Like, before all this started?” 

   “Yeah, I’m from virginia.”

    “I’m from Indiana.” 

   “How did you get all the way down here?”

    “Walked.”

    “I should've guessed that, not a lot of working cars around here.”

    “Where is here?”

       “West Virginia.” 

    “Oh.”

      The two of you continued to walk and make somewhat small talk as you had finally approached the gate.

     “This is the school?” 

    “Yeah, It was a boarding school before all of this started.” Louis spoke.

      You nodded, deciding you didn’t feel like talking at the moment.

The four of you walked in, everyone gathered around the gate once they had noticed you. 

     “Who’s the new girl?” A guy with a hand carved knife spoke, voice slightly raspy. 

     “This is…” Marlon had begun speaking only stopping when he had realized he had never learned your name. 

     “Y/N” 

Everyone glanced at Louis who had spoken up. 

     “Where did you find her?” a kid with brownish hair spoke up, he couldn’t have been older than the age of twelve. 

     “In the woods alone.” Violet spoke

     “Is she staying here with us?” A girl with long red wavy hair asked.

     “We’ll talk that through tomorrow morning.” Marlon spoke.

     “Is she bit?” A girl with red hair asked, having a slight accent and the same hairstyle as Marlon.

     “I’m not bit.” 

Everyone turned to look at you, that’s the first time you’ve spoken since you arrived. 

     “I think we should introduce ourselves, it’s the polite thing to do.” A girl with a baseball cap spoke up. 

     “Good idea Clem.” Louis spoke. “I’m Louis, well you already knew that.”

    “Welcome, It’s so good to meet you.” Sophie came forward and hugged you, pulling away a few seconds later. “I’m Sophie, and that’s my sister Minerva.” She pointed to a tall girl who began to walk towards you, geez she’s tall. 

      “I’m Minnie.” 

      “Like Minnie mouse?” You spoke, getting a bit excited. 

       “Yeah, I guess so.” Minnie chuckled before backing up with her sister, giving the other people a chance to introduce themselves. 

A boy with the knife came forward next.

     “I’m Mitch.” He spoke as you nodded your head. 

The rest of the group introduced themselves, now knowing all their names and a little about each. Everyone had walked off to do their own thing, leaving you standing alone, now what?

[dmcdrabbles]

Going anon for this because insecurities have peaked for me on this topic but, how would the guys react to finding out their s/o has autism, and never really knew other than them having some ticks or quirks, maybe they find them visibly upset one day because they find out they were hearing a lot of hate like how some people think they can't feel love or were refered to as an "it", and were honestly afraid to let the guys know in fear of being seen different or lesser, weaker

I hope that I’m able to write this okay! And no need to worry about being anon for requests, I think asking for prompts in the first place can be a little daunting so whatever makes the reader comfortable is what they should do. 

Under the cut because it gets a little long

Nero

Immediately worried to find them that upset, he’s extremely protective of them so he’s ready to jump to whatever they need him to help with

Finding out that it’s an emotionally sensitive situation instead of something he can just help fix, he settles down and asks them if they’ll tell him what’s bothering them

He gets mad on his s/o’s behalf all over again, saying that none of the people saying those sorts of things know the first thing about them/other people with autism

He was so hotheaded about the insults that he needs to backtrack to address the part about his s/o having autism- he understands that they were self conscious, and now it’s made him extra committed to being supportive towards them. He doesn’t want them to feel like he’d ever think less of them.

He tells them he loves them exactly as they are

Is only half joking when he offers to kick the ass of anyone who said something stupid 

V

Sits beside them and patiently tries to help them calm down first- whether that means just being next to them, or holding their hand, or talking to them calmly until they’re ready to talk

He’s an exceptionally comforting listener, just quietly taking in what they have to say and nodding to encourage them, holding their hand if they want that.

He waits until they’re finished before he responds. He says, with comforting assuredness, that the people who say things like that are wrong about them. He lists off the things about them that he thinks are special and wonderful and says that the people who talk like that will use any excuse to call someone else less than them.

He tells them that they can lean on him for support, and he’ll be happy to listen to them

Dante

Tries to cheer them up first, making some dumb jokes or another, but he stops if his s/o wants him to be more serious about it.

Asks if they want to talk about it. He’s more than willing to listen, but he’s fine with just helping them get their mind off of things if they prefer.

If they want to talk, either right then or later, he doesn’t interrupt. He does say quite a bit with his expressions, though- a lot of sympathetic looks when they’re expressing how they feel, and a lot of looking exceptionally pissed at hearing what the other people said

Rubs their back and lets them let it out until they prompt him to say something

He says that putting on a name on the way they are would never change the way he feels about them- he’s around them all the time, he already knows the way they are and he loves them as they are

Calls the people who said cruel things “a bunch of idiots”, and says people will rally behind any stupid idea without knowing what the hell they’re talking about

says they can talk to him about anything- he says he doesn’t always have the best advice but he’s here for them 

Vergil

He’s not good with comforting other people when they’re upset and he knows it. Still, he cares deeply enough about his s/o that he’s going to try. He secretly hates the idea that the way he acts is making them try to hide this sort of thing from him.

At the very least, he’s going to sit by them and be physically there as the available shoulder to cry on if they want it. If they try to stop their crying he’ll tell them it’s fine, just let it out. He won’t outright say he’s there to help but he’ll ask why they’re upset.

When he hears that it has something to do (in part) with what someone else said, he has to stifle the instinct to try to deal with that first and just continue to listen.

He wipes away his s/o’s tears and tells them that he knows they’re strong, more than strong enough to listen to people who say idiotic things. He says that they know themself well enough to know that the others are wrong. 

If they bring up their autism again to ask about his reaction or show some sort of insecurity about his opinion of them, he’ll scoff and say something along the lines of “I must not be clear enough in my feelings for you if you think they’ll change over something like that.” 

That’s Vergil speak for, “I’ll love you no matter what”

[whereiswere]

Personal Fnaf Headcanons:

FNAF 1:

Freddy: Male, Optimistic but slightly manipulative, probably bi

Bonnie: Male or Nonbianary, Slightly depressed and probably Freddy’s main target for manipulation, either gay or bi

Chica: Female or Nonbianary, maybe Demigirl, Optimistic but hates baking and dislikes pizza, most likely lesbian

Foxy: Male, Wants attention, attention hog, acts like a dog sometimes, gay or bi

Golden Freddy: Male or Nonbinary, Depressed and hates everyone, Freddy constantly seeks his approval and he hates it, aro/ace

FNAF 2:

Toy Freddy: Male or Demiboy, A little nervous but happy all the same, afraid of Withered Freddy, gay for days

Toy Bonnie: Male or Demiboy, Loves music and thinks Withered Bonnie is cool, totally gay

Toy Chica: Transmale, Hates his body, most of the time wants to slap fanboys, wants everyone to feel happy despite all this, loves cake, hates pizza, bi

Toy Foxy/Mangle: Genderfluid or Male, Working on his self confidence, loves hugs, annoyance to others, rather dislikes Withered Foxy, pan probably

Balloon Boy: Male or Demiboy, Actually only an annoyance to Nightguards, everybody else love him, a bit over confident, either aro/ace or gay/ace

Marrionette: Male or Nonbianary, Loves music, don’t disrupt their lullaby, prize counter boss, judges everyone silently, either aro/ace or bi

Withered Freddy: Male or Nonbianary, Thinks his toy version is adorable, actually thinks everyone is adorable, just wants a hug, either straight or bi

Withered Bonnie: Male, Loves singing and music, shuts himself off from most others, gay but maybe demi

Withered Chica: Female probably, One of the only Chicas who actually likes food and cooking, tries to be optimistic, thinks Toy Chica is stupid and needs to like pizza and actually do his dang job for once, lesbian or bi

Withered Foxy: Male or Demigirl, Thinks very lowly of himself and is really depressing, always goes on and on about the ‘good days’, annoyance to pretty much everybody, either straight or bi

FNAF 3:

Springtrap: Male, Hates that he is the host to William, Talks to the phantoms a lot, sometimes talks to himself too, gay or bi

--Phantoms came to be of the rage felt by the ghost children at William being active again, they all came to life at different times, with P.Freddy being the last to form

Phantom Freddy: Nonbianary, Male, or Demigirl, disliked Springtrap at first but actually kind of likes him now, probably straight

Phantom Chica: Nonbianary or Demigirl, thinks everybody is cool, wants to make everyone happy, rather shut off from the others, bi

Phantom Foxy: Nonbianary, Wishes that they could be of more help to stopping William, one of the first to realize that Springtrap also hated William and become his friend, aro/ace most likely

Phantom Balloon Boy: Male, Hates pretty much everyone, actually an annoyance to the others, strangely befriends the nightguard, aro/ace

Phantom Marionette: Demiboy or Nonbianary, Actually one of the last to come to existence, one of Springtrap’s best friends, has imaginary friends and acts like a child, aro/ace

Phantom Mangle: Genderfluid or Demigirl, One of the first ones to form, dislikes Springtrap but tolerates him, lesbian

FNAF 4:

--The nightmares were created by William to track down his children along with targets, their main focus was on Michael

Nightmare Freddy: Male, Acts like a father to the Freddles, probably actually is their father, is hostile towards the other nightmares, gay

Freddles: Multiple, N.Freddy’s children, act like such

Nightmare Bonnie: Demigirl, Genderfluid, or Nonbianary, Is the most aggressive, despite that they pretty much adopted Nightmare Balloon Boy, either aro/ace or bi

Nightmare Chica: Female, Makes Michael sandwiches for lunch and jumpscares him whenever he refuses to take them, the most jumpy of the Nightmares, bi or gay

Nightmare Foxy: Female or Demigirl, The first to rebel against William, loves enclosed spaces like the closet, She likes to watch TV, gay

Nightmare Fredbear: Male, created by William just to spite Michael’s love of Fredbear, actually helped the others rebel, became pretty much a true father to Michael, aro/ace or bi/ace

Nightmare: Male or Nonbianary, The last to rebel, but became pretty much the best father to Michael, easily annoyed, aro/ace or gay/ace

Nightmarionette: Male, Is a bit short, hates people commenting on it, quick learner, scary dad but fun dad, gay all the way

Plushtrap: Nonbianary or Male, small but will fight you, rude and sassy, pretty much Michael’s older brother, talks to the other stuffed animal and thinks that they’re alive too, bi/ace

Nightmare Balloon Boy: Male or Demiboy, loves teeth, has a small crush on Plushtrap, anyone who defies him gets bite, can’t bite very hard, gay/ace

Nightmare Mangle: Genderfluid or Demigirl, The weird mom, also the ‘can I speak to your manager’ type of parental unit, has the best understanding of human culture things, lesbian

FNAF SL:

Baby: Demigirl, the mom friend, a demon to her enemies, brags about ripping out Michael’s organs, very smart, gay

Ballora: Female or Nonbianary, Eyelids don’t work and it annoys her, rather aggressive, will kick anyone in the nuts, gay

Bitybab: Multiple, Baby’s main minions, will steal your kneecaps

Minirina: Multiple, Ballora’s adoptive children, won’t attack very often but will steal your snacks

Funtime Freddy: Male, Loves to party, clumsy, rather unintelligent, aro/ace, gay, or bi

Funtime Foxy: Genderfluid, Will stab a bitch for no reason, follows others blindly, rather unintelligent, bi

Bon Bon: Female, Loves her wife, F.Freddy is her son, very math smart, gay

Bonnet: Female, Loves her wife, F.Freddy is her son, very social smart, bi

Ennard: Nonbianary or Male, makes vore jokes, lives with Michael, intimidated by the nightmares, aro/ace or gay/ace

Funtime Chica: Female, loves attention, claims to be using others but wants to be their friend, gay

Lolbit: Female, steals stuff and sells it back to their owners, a bit of a hoarder, loves money above all else, aro/ace

FNAF PS:

Rockstar Freddy: Nonbianary or Female, will throw a mic at anyone who talks during their performance, bi

Rockstar Bonnie: Male or Demiboy, Embarrassed by the other rockstars, likes to hang out with the salvages, gay

Rockstar Chica: Genderfluid, Likes pizza but likes tacos better, will bite, lesbian

Rockstar Foxy: Male or Nonbianary, Loves music, loves animals, won’t bite, gay

Lefty: Male or Nonbianary, doesn’t talk much, has a small crush on anyone with even a small resemblance to a bear, pan

Molten Freddy: Male, loves climbing on the walls and ceilings, partially deaf, aro/ace

Scraptrap: Male, Springtrap but William has almost total control, Scraptrap tries to talk to the Phantoms whenever he can, gay or bi

Scrap Baby: Demigirl, has no friends to be the mom friend to, barely talks to the other salvages, focused on making everyone’s life a living hell, gay

Nedd Bear: Male, doesn’t talk much, dislikes the Freddys, straight or bi

Happy Frog: Female, talks a lot, especially to Nedd, straight or bi

Mister Hippo: Male, talks way too much, husband to Orville, annoys most everyone, gay

Orville: Male, only talks a tiny bit, talks mostly to his husband, gay

Music Man: Male or Demiboy, very loud, doesn’t talk a lot actually, partially deaf, bi

El Chip: Demiboy, the best cook ever, outclasses the Chicas, very overconfident, bi

Candy Cadet: Nonbianary, a troll, tells you they’ll do things but they never do, aro/ace

Pigpatch: Male or Demiboy, steals other’s eyes, hoarder of the odd, somewhat formal, aro/ace or bi

Helpy: Male, very helpful, despite that will indeed stab a bitch, insults others rarely but is amazing at insults, aro/ace or gay/ace

Security Puppet: Male, loves people too much, interested in humans, has a collection of random things, gay

Glitchtrap: Male, William’s fursona, actually a different being than William but shares his ideas and murderous tendency, merged with Vanny, aro/ace or straight/ace

Humans:

William Afton: Male, a bitch, that’s all you need to know, straight

Henry Emily: Male, a pure cinnamon roll, probably has autism, fidgets a lot, bi

Michael Afton: Male, also a pure cinnamon roll, honestly just wants this all to stop, adopted by the nightmares and then adopted by the funtimes and then adopted by the rockstars, has way too many parents but at the same time not enough, crying child, gay for days

Elizabeth Afton: Female or Genderfluid, died too early to tell, haunts Baby but is a bit disturbed by her actions, aro/ace

Older Brother Afton: Male or Bigender, regrets almost killing Michael, almost killed by the nightmares, fear of robots, straight or bi

Mike Schmidt((Michael Afton)): Just Michael but with his mother’s maiden name, if not then

Mike Schmidt: Bigender or Demiboy, stubborn as all hell, was one of the masked bullies to Michael, demi gay

Jeremy Fitzgerald: Male or Nonbianary, just wants the fucking pay check, befriended the toys and was then adopted by them and the withereds, has no clue what’s going on, demi

Fritz Smith((Older Brother Afton)): OB but married a woman and changed his last name to hers, if not then

Fritz Smith: Male, one of the masked bully’s older brother, long hair probably, absolutely fabulous, straight or bi

Frightguard: Transfemale, raising money for her transitioning surgery, determined and has punched Springtrap more than once, bi ((Don’t have a name for her yet))

Phone Guy: Male, nervous, pure cinnamon roll, maybe Henry’s nephew, gay demi

Phone Dude: Male, over confidant, Frightguard’s best friend, thinks that she’s joking until he somehow befriends P.BB, actually the one to give the phantoms different names, straight or bi

Vanny//Ness: Female, didn’t want to join William at all, accidentally merged or whatever with Glitchtrap, can’t escape from his grasp, gay as fuck

Tape Girl: Female, nerdy lesbian book lover, she attacks when frightened, wants to save Vanny, lesbian

[mileycyprus-hill]

Hi! If you’re still accepting them I’d love to get a match up. I’m 23, 24 next week. I’m 5’0” pansexual,(with a male preference) plus sized with brown hair and brown eyes. I’m an aspiring animator. I have a big loud personality and love making new friends. I’m also on the autism spectrum and sometimes have trouble realizing when people want to end a conversation or if they’re getting annoyed at me. I love reading and watching cooking shows with my mom. I also love card and bird games

Answering both of your matchup requests here. 

Requests open until January 17th!

🎶 Matchmaker, matchmaker. Make me a match! 🎶

I match you with…

Bill Williamson

a.k.a. Mr. Coconut. He’s got that hard, burly exterior with a sweet inside once you crack him open hard enough.

Sure, Bill’s got an abrasive personality to start, with his hot temper and not-very-bright intelligence. But you actually bring out the best in him!

The gang swears he’s turned into a much better person since you came along. He’s much nicer to everyone.

Bill thinks you’re funny which is why he hangs around with you more often. 

When you start talking and end up in a long-winded tangent, Bill doesn’t mind. He’ll still be interested. 

He doesn’t get many people to come and talk to him, and he likes your company. 

You can pretty much talk about anything, even things he doesn’t understand. He wants to keep engaging with you in conversation. 

Though if you need some alone time, don’t be afraid to remind him. He may not be bright, but he’ll know when you need some space. 

Just be sure to come back to him when you’re done, otherwise he’ll worry. The man’s got low self-esteem and will think it’s about him. 

He loves your drawings and doodles. He’s completely blown away by your attention to detail. 

He’s not articulate though. He’ll say something like, “Uh, you draw good. Real good.” 

I’m sure you know Bill’s a big dude, and he totally loves your small stature and how he dwarfs you. It’s a size kink of his: he likes short ladies. 

It makes him feel strong and powerful to pick you up over his shoulder like a feather pillow. 

That guy can lift. 

Bill doesn’t like Micah all that much either, ever since he witnessed Micah kick Cain. Bill loves that dog.

—————————

Hope you like your match! 

[lilrooroo]

Headcanons for an disabilities human au

I did a lot of research and talked to friends with these issues, so I hope everyone enjoys! I worked really hard on them

Emile Picani

47 years old

The doctor of all the others

Believes regression therapy is a valid and good coping techniques

Acts like his clients caretaker during their sessions

Loves his clients so much, gets truly upset when something bad happens to them.

Best caring doctor ever.

In general one cool dude

Married to Thomas (29 year old)

Met his husband though friends. Nether of them cares about their age gap. Has dated since Thomas was 26 married a couple months ago

Patton Miles has Bipolar I Disorder

22 years old

Spends a lot of time stable or on highs

Tries to hide it when he’s low

When he’s feeling a depression episode he tends to wear large sweaters and forget to take care of himself

Sleeps a lot during low periods and eats a lot

No energy to do anything feels empty

Slowest talker ever

During his highs he’s bouncing off the walls

Fastest talker ever

Hyper touchy (cuddles? Lets cuddle!)

Tends to be more dangerous

Started regression therapy for his low periods, finds that it really helps, now does it during his ups too.

His little age is 3-5

Has a stuffed brown bunny named “Coffee”

Meets Logan first. Adores the taller man. Finds him cute.

Has been called Patton Smiles before

Logan Powell is High Functioning Autistic

22 years old

Has known he had autism for a very long time

Started going to therapy because he wants to learn how to fit in

Monotone talking, but very passionate about topics even if his voice doesn’t seem like it

Likes pressure, enjoys bear hugs as long as he doesn’t have to hug back

Emile gives really good hard hugs, he likes them

Hates gentle touches, can’t stand someone slightly touching him or giving him a soft hug ew

Doesn’t understand jokes, when told it’s a joke he’ll just say “Ha”

Makes lists for everything, most organized person in the world

Routines Routines Routines

Hand flapping when he’s excited

Researched all about regression when Emile mentioned some of the toys in his office was for clients who regressed.

Came back to Emile wanting to try Regression Therapy

Little age is 3-5

Has a realistic stuffed raven that is heavy

Collects blind bag toys, gets obsessed over with getting all them for his collection. Likes Tsum Tsums because they are small, can be stacked and there is a lot to collect. Prefers the Vinyl one over plush ones though

Squishies loves squishies but hates the feeling of slime

Showed a interest in meeting other regressors hoping he could make a friend that way

Emile had Logan meet Patton first. It surprisingly worked amazingly

Virgil Storm has Social Anxiety Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder

21 years old

Suffers bad panic attacks and bad thoughts

Very lonely guy who people call “emo” he’s not though. He just likes black clothes and black makeup and his bangs happen to cover his face

Struggles with sleeping and goes to the bathroom a lot

Very shaky cranky boy

Started going to therapy after he was caught self harming

Virgil in therapy ends up going on about how he wish he could go back to when he was a kid. Before life got stressful (sure he was always a nervous child, but being an adult is too hard)

That’s when Emile explained what Regression therapy was

Virgil thought it was weird and was afraid other people would think he was weird, but after talking to him and promising he didn’t have to worry Virgil gave it a try and loved it

Little age is 3

Has a million fidget toys, squishies, fidget spinners, and chew toys are some examples

Was given a black and purple cat that smells like lavender

Met Patton first and made his first real friend

Deceit Nathair suffers PTSD

20 years old

No one knows his real name, has had it legally changed to Deceit

Was forced into therapy after he had an “episode” at the mall

One of Emile’s hardest clients.

Refuses to talk about what happen. Already knows he has PTSD

Whatever it is, it has to do with his burns (turn into snake scale tattoos) and his missing eye (replaced with a yellow slit eye)

Has had a bad life, bad childhood, bad teenage years, and bad adult life

Always been the villain of other people’s stories

Was the son of a teenage single mother who blamed him for ruining her life

Never had a childhood very resentful of it

Thought Emile was crazy for suggesting Regression Therapy but agreed anyway.

Little age 2-4

Loves praise so much, cries happy tears.

Flinches at unsuspected touch

Bad eyesight

The most scared when Emile suggested group therapy with other regressors

Agreed because Emile encouraged him

Roman was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder

Started suffering effects at the age of 16, dropped out of school at the age of 17

Was kicked out of his home because he was “crazy” and “dangerous” to his younger siblings

Comes from a rich family, who wasn’t the best to him (he has scars)

Believes a woman has cursed him, goes on about the Dragon Witch and her crimes towards him.

Refuse to give last name

Struggles with caring for himself

Talks very weird

Believes in everything magical, fairies, dragons and so on

Struggles with sleeping which can make his symptoms wore

Very disorganized and compulsive

Keeps a journal with all his notes about magical creatures

Keeps a diary (different book from the journals) about his day.

Was placed in Emile’s care after he had gone to an elementary school with a toy sword demanding to see the princess.

It turned out that he had gotten very afraid that his sister was in danger and he needed to see her to make sure she was okay. Unknown to him, his family moved away to get away from him.

Didn’t know about regression. He ended up walking in on the group therapy session. And just joining in.

According to him they must have been dosed with Fairy Dust. Because Fairy dust can make you experience childhood again.

His main delusion is that magic is still in the world, it’s just people have lost the ability to see it, so they can’t see the creatures that live their life with humans in secret. The Dragon Witch had blessed him with the sight however, but it was also a curse, because people think he’s crazy.

Wants to join in on the fun, he loves fairy dust and being able to be a kid again, but this time not having to worry about being the perfect prince.

His little age is 2-3

Believes Deceit is the son of the dragon witch. And is extremely interested in him.

I hope you all enjoy! I worked very hard on this one

[jolie-auletta]

Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.