#the answer probably shouldn't be. 'no because this food is objectively bad'

[thedreadvampy]

AVAILABILITY. OBVIOUSLY.

'they import a majority of their tomatoes avocados oranges etc and all of them are tasteless' dude you are living in a country bordering on the Arctic circle. the southernmost point on this island is parallel with the Canadian-American border. those SUBTROPICAL FRUITS can only be grown in relatively small quantities under cover and don't thrive here, not do they travel particularly well. I'm not sure why you'd think that was a choice.

"I also notice the prepared foods lack a bit of flavour I'm missing from home" yeah man. That's the uhhhhh the thing I'm talking about in the post above. different cultures are used to different flavours. Your cultural background is a lot different so no things here aren't going to taste like things there. for example to me a lot of American prepared foods have very little complexity of flavour and everything is just Sweet (including bread???? for some reason?????) and/or Salt, and to me that's really bland. to me. because it's not the flavours I'm used to and the flavours I'm looking for aren't there.

Like first of all I literally did not ask about your opinions on British food, this is a post saying 'most foods exist because someone likes them so maybe stop acting like they're gross'. and second "the food quality is lower" yeah man if you are looking for food that's the same as food on a different continent. holy shit our tomatoes and avocados aren't as good as in the environments they're native to? you're kidding! our prepared food tastes different? whaaaaat?

I'm not going around calling Japanese food crap just because everyone I know who has moved there has struggled to find bread, cheese, potatoes or the veggies they eat at home, because Japanese food cooked with ingredients that grow well in Japan and that is made to match Japanese preferences. and even if I don't like it that doesn't mean it's bad, it means I don't like it.

The thing is. Bad/gross food is rarely a DISH - when food is bad it's because it's been badly made, whether because of skills or available ingredients. but a dish p much only exists recognisably and has a name because someone likes at least one version of it.

which is to say. there isn't really a way of naming a dish, school of dishes or specific food culture and going EW ISN'T THIS DISH UNILATERALLY CONCEPTUALLY DISGUSTING without denigrating quite a lot of people.

like you don't have to like it in any form. but it's eaten and shared because it's good to a not insubstantial number of people when cooked right.

(and I don't really understand how you approach that with total incuriosity when it's a dish you haven't tried like. ARE rocky mountain oysters good? Maybe! I would very much eat some to find out!!!!)

this is actually something the British food poll did in a way the American ones I've seen haven't really - they described how the food they're imagining is, specifically, badly prepared (grey meat and veggies; unseasoned shepherd's pie). which is wildly tipping the scales by calling it British Food but. like. that is an on point definition of why that food is gross.

(this also applies to American chocolate, which like. Broad category but I think most of us understand this refers to low-cocoa high-sugar chocolate, probably with bucolic acid. so we are being invited to imagine Badly Made Chocolate not. the concept of chocolate)

personally I just think it's very rarely a good or funny idea to shittalk how gross any given food culture is. partly because food is important and culturally evocative for most people, partly because it's very...alienating? to be like WHO COULD EAT SUCH A THING? just because you wouldn't, and largely because to be frank it says more about you than about the food that you have so little imagination or curiosity that you can't imagine why a food might be enjoyable to folks who aren't you.

yes this includes jello salad, I would like to try it. ONCE. if it wasn't appealing to someone it wouldn't be so widespread.

[thedawningofthehour]

Galios making splinter seem like the abusive parent was an odd favorite line because like yeah you don’t like it when someone calls your parent abusive but it also opens the can of worms that no matter how much I hate draxum he’s still a better parent than splinter in a way

I know that physical abuse being frequent in Asian parenting cultures is somewhat of a stereotype, and Japan at least recently outlawed corporal punishment altogether, so I do try to be mindful about not playing into stereotypes. But at the same time, Splinter is shown to physically discipline them. It's played for laughs in the show, but still-he never does it to April, so he's well aware that he shouldn't be hitting other people's kids.

And I also have to factor in, Splinter's older than the average parent of teenagers. I've been ballparking his DOB somewhere around 1960-65, which would make him around sixty now, so he was raised in the 60s and 70s. And raised by his grandfather, no less, who would have been born around 1920 at the latest. Grandpa Sho would have grown up in pre-WWII Japan, in a relatively rural area in a very traditional family, and was probably more than a little resistant to modernization. He definitely used physical discipline while raising his daughter and then his grandson, because That Is The Way To Rear Children. That doesn't mean he was a bad father or anything-especially when you factor in the generational trauma and Hamato Family Fear-Mongering stuff, like, he'd been told his entire life that if he and his descendants didn't unquestionably carry out their 'duties' then the world would literally end. This man watched his daughter die to somehow protect the world from the Shredder, and he never questioned that. He wouldn't have shied away from physical discipline.

I talked about this a little bit with some people in the last chapter, but the thing with Splinter using the same methods on his sons-even if he objected to the way his grandfather disciplined him, even if he never wanted to hurt his own sons, he probably didn't know what else to do. Yoshi was an only child, as was Atsuko, and it doesn't sound like he had a relationship with his bio father or any half-siblings or cousins he might have had through him. Lou was partying and fucking and doing drugs in Hollywood from early adulthood to his mid-thirties, when Big Mama abducted him for the Nexus. He never wanted kids, never planned on them or thought about how he'd parent. He has no experience with children. No other parents or pediatricians to answer his questions, no resources, can't even drop them off with a babysitter to get an hour to himself.

Not to even mention that his kids are genetically enhanced super soldiers and he has to worry about shit that no other parent would. Like, ideally yes you would sit down with your toddler and explain to him that he needs to be careful when playing with his little brothers. Splinter has no idea how to phrase that in a way a toddler could understand. He's gotten three hours of sleep in the last week, is wondering where he's going to get more food because he has enough for exactly two more meals if he doesn't eat himself, one of his other kids is already crying for him and he still has to patch where Raph put Leo through the drywall, and if the next time Raph does that he's just a little more forceful, or if he does it with Donnie-if he doesn't stop this now, one of his kids could end up getting killed.

So he hits him. He hates it, he cries afterwards, but Raph gets the message.

[windvexer]

troubleshooting spotty spirit connections/"godphoning"

This post is full of my personal UPGs and stuff. These are just my beliefs and what works for me. YMMV.

It takes them a lot of energy to come through to us. Feed them and help them get across the veil.

Have you ever done a big tarot reading and got really drained? Or focused really intensely on a spirit guide meditation that left you feeling lightheaded and hungry? When we connect to the spirit world it is tiring and energy-intensive. There is no reason to believe that connection on their end is any easier.

A lot of rhetoric gets tossed around that spirits and guides are so powerful and life-changing, etc. And this might be true, but I think it gets construed in a way where we assume that because they're so powerful, it must be very easy for them to appear to us - so any failure of communication is squarely on our shoulders.

This is unfair to both them and us.

Your offerings aren't just token gestures. You are actually providing energy to your spirits - dense, earthy energies they need in order to be able to come through to our world. Fresh water is refreshing and polite, but not really energizing. Food offerings are especially helpful.

This is the point of spirit houses and spirit vessels. You create a sacred object or space aligned to a spirit's energies, and invite them to come inside of it and use it as they please. As a magic-worker, your words of dedication and consecration make a literal foothold for that spirit to more easily come to our world. This also provides a place for the spirit to rest and relax as they speak to you.

Liminal times and spaces make it easier for us to reach the spirit world, and therefore easier for them to reach us. Taking actions such as laying a compass, casting a circle, or reaching trance states can actually be extremely helpful. It's not about "spirits are dangerous so cast a circle first," and it's not about "you have to meditate and clear your mind" (trance can be achieved ecstatically, after all). It's about creating or entering into in-between spaces where our worlds more easily meet.

If you primarily use tools to communicate with spirits, cleanse and charge them more regularly. The spirits can direct the energy within your tools instead of having to use their own.

If you're already using spirit vessels or houses, try gently cleaning them and re-consecrating them. Provide as much energy as you can to the spirit at that time, so that they can more strongly imprint upon the vessel.

Stop trying to talk to them all of the time.

Spirits are people too. They shouldn't be treated like invisible humans with cool new skins, but that doesn't mean they don't have autonomy and personhood.

Spirits exist independently of us and they don't disappear and go into the void when we stop paying attention to them. They are living their own lives. Even if you believe the spirits do revolve around you, at some point they have to leave to go find information you're asking about, or review the strands of fate to make sure you're headed in the right direction, or whatever.

You don't expect your human friends to be on call 24/7 and it's rude and inconsiderate to just assume all spirits are going to want to communicate with you every single time you want to communicate with them.

No, the point of this is not "you're clingy and the spirits need space."

The point is that if you're just picking up the spirit phone at any random time, of course some of your communication will "fail" because they're not free to answer!

You might be blaming yourself for having unreliable psychic abilities when the reality is that you're just sending a FaceTime request at a bad time.

It is my experience that this is true even of gods. Sometimes I walk by the shrine of my primary god and it's just empty - he's not there right now. It's not because he hates me or because my psychism failed. He's probably off chasing nymphs or something, he'll be back later.

Try setting a schedule with the spirits if possible, such as determining what time(s) of day they're free to talk, what days of the week or moon phases they're usually free or busy, and so on.

You have times when you're more or less attuned to communication, too. The most random stuff can make psychic senses go haywire. For some, a strong cup of coffee will turn off their second sight like flipping a switch. If you try to get more of a schedule going, it will be a lot easier for you to control the variables contributing to your successes or failures. It's not fair for you to assume your psychic senses are static and you should just be able to turn them on at any time you want.

Give them a good reason to talk to you.

There are many kinds of spirits. Some we primarily interact with as friends and companions. For them, the reason for them to talk to you is that you're cool, interesting, and they want to spend time with you (all your friends think that about you! I promise!).

Other spirits can hold a much more spiritual or tutelary role in our life. When they speak, they have something important to say - and they're not necessarily going to let that be drowned out by everyday chatter.

Have you ever done a tarot reading you didn't like or understand, and then re-drew the spread to ask again? And the second time made even less sense?

Talking to spiritual teachers can be like that. They tell you something important, and they're not necessarily going to rephrase it. The problem with spiritual teachers and guides is that you still have to be the student and the explorer.

I have often communicated with the gods and spirits of other people. In these situations, I do my best to give them a really good reason to want to talk to me. "Hello, gods and spirits of [client]. I am helping [client] with [their question/problem]. I will be empty, and you can speak through me. I'll do my very best to clearly share everything you want them to know."

No matter what, though, spirits might just not want to talk. And that's ok.

Ask yourself the kinds of relationships you have with the spirits and beings you're attempting communication with. Having a very close and fulfilling relationship with a spirit doesn't mean it's appropriate to treat them like a casual friend (just as I can have a very fulfilling relationship with a professional mentor, but it's still inappropriate for me to call them at 3am after some wine).

Keep an eye on the intention of your communications. Are you unable to "find" your guide when it's about an important spiritual question, but they show up just to chat? Or vice-versa? Ask why a spirit might choose to not respond to some types of communication.

I find that spiritual guides can get irritable and non-responsive if you continually request communication without applying their advice.

In the case of spirits who are primarily friends/companions, try thinking of a fun activity for the two of you to do together, or something interesting to show them. Spirits enjoy novelty, too. Maybe you could read a new book together :)

Conversational skills transcend dimensions.

There is a difference between requesting communication and just vibing with a spirit's vibes.

When you want to communicate with the spirits, do you actually think, say, or sign, "hi, it's me, I want to talk to you today about [topic]"? Or do you just kinda show up like, "I'm here, so... yeah."

I like vibing with the vibes. I like sitting quietly with people and spirits and just existing with them. But I wouldn't sit quietly in the vibes and then say, "okay, so you're just not going to talk to me??"

Other things like manners go an incredibly long way. Spirits have a concept of boundaries and politeness - some more than others.

Active listening and critical thinking helps a lot too (and it's a great way to strengthen relationships with other humans!). Make sure you're treating spirits like a conversation partner, and not a novelty toy that spits out mystic answers to your questions.

One of the best ways to bond through communication is to create the space for the other person to share their thoughts. It's more than reasonable to show up to a spirit with a question.

But if you redirect the conversation always to be what you want to talk about, think your senses are going haywire just because a spirit is showing you something that isn't what you asked about, or only want to talk about yourself or your problems - it's not reasonable to expect that 100% of spirits want to be a part of 100% of those conversations.

Try approaching every spirit communication with clear intent. Just wanting to chat and hang out is more than okay, but be upfront with your interests and needs.

Try asking the spirits if they're free to talk and if they're interested in talking about what you want to discuss.

Make time and space for the spirits to bring up their own topics.

Employ manners at all times, even if you think your communication effort failed. Please, thank you, hello, and goodbye are powerful words.

Be open to the idea that the spirit might not want to talk about your question or your problem, and that they might have something to share with you that doesn't appear to directly benefit you.

[pedrosbrat]

Sorrow You Are My Light {Pero Tovar x Max Phillips x F!Reader}

CHAPTER I : Insomnia

AU - Vampire Hunters

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: Angst, Nightmares, Language, alcohol, yearning, violence (fight) , mention of murder, sword, blood …

Summary: You and Pero were united by fate in your youth due to a tragic event. You will seek revenge from the creature that caused your common suffering all your life without success... Until you cross paths with Max Philips, forcing you to form an alliance with an enemy to destroy a common foe...

Little Comment : Hi everyone, it’s my first series, I hope you will like it (if you see any mistakes let me know and I will correct it) - 1 chapter will be published every week, every Saturday⚔️ Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

1440- Transylvania

You have been travelling on horseback for a little more than two days now, with a weather changing from very hot to very rainy, and usually it doesn't bother you, at least not really, because Pero has the decency to take breaks, it has always been like that. But for the first time in decades of travelling together, he has refused to take any breaks, because he says you are close to the goal.

You can understand it, and you feel it too, but you would still like to be able to rest, not feeling your legs or even feeling your buttocks... You don't even know if you don't feel them anymore because of the total absence of sensation from sitting on your horse for this long, or if the pain you felt yesterday has taken over and has become a friend, and the only company you feel at this moment.

Because despite his presence, Pero is far too absorbed in the mission. This is nothing new, in fact, he has always been like this, only usually he has the good sense to admit that sleep is important for a good fight, as well as a somewhat adequate physical form...

"If we are attacked by a vampire now Pero I won't be able to fight". You say as you catch up to him slightly at a gallop. "Stop complaining," he says, slightly grumpier than his natural temperament, which is bound to be an effect of lack of sleep. "I'm not complaining, I'm just right! You know very well that the lack of rest will eventually kill us, if it is not the horses that die long before us! You say, slightly annoyed by his behaviour.

He stopped short, and turned to face you, grimacing, probably aching and exhausted, unconsciously proving your point: "If he runs away, he'll kill more people! You seem to forget what this thing is capable of!" "Forget?!" you say, widening your eyes, increasingly annoyed.

Vampires: demonic beings that have occupied the lands of your country since your childhood. At first, in your youth, their presence was only a myth, which some people described as mad swore they had seen, but as time went on, the world realised that it was all real. These decaying beings, who have no chance of finding the light again, their gaze completely absorbed in the darkness, surrounded by veins resembling the shade of smoke enveloping the sky and covering all traces of the sun. They are the shadows that will hide the light of all normal life since your youth... Since that night sixteen years ago...

You know that Pero can be stubborn, but he is not so deeply stubborn that he tries to pretend to anyone who doesn't know him, although he hides it quite well, he is a gentle man and a good man... Except when he really decides otherwise, as he has done for the last forty-eight hours. So you don't try to argue or have a simple debate with him on the subject, because you know very well what he's talking about and you don't want to talk about it... You've already had enough nightmares since you were a child, so you don't need that.

You gallop alone towards the big city, from where you are not so far now, determined to make a big turn, to let your horse rest, and to rest at the same time in a real bed, and not stones under a sheet for a pillow or an old tavern of the village where you were hunting.

It doesn't matter if he follows you or not, you're far too tired and suffering to care at the moment, and being a very good tracker, you know you'll be able to find him if only a few hours separate you from each other, and at least you'll be able to fight effectively if something happens.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

The city is not as jovial as it usually is. You don't know why, of course, but there's a sort of silent restlessness that mingles with an almost empty square, leaving a black shadow over all those little houses, like a feeling deep inside you that you can see floating over the city.

"Anything interesting in the sky Paloma?"

You turn, coming out of the thoughts that had completely absorbed you, to find that Pero is at your side, handing you a piece of cheese, which he must have bought at the entrance of the city, and that you grab without hesitation the rumbling belly for any substitute of food... His way of apologizing and telling you that you are right, even if he will never admit it out loud...

Pero will never admit it, but he doesn't like to see you turning your back on him. He likes your presence, even if he doesn't express it, he likes to see you smiling, annoying him, lecturing him. He likes the way you've been waddling around on your horse for the last few days, and he knows it's only because of the pain he's putting you through, and that he shouldn't like to see that, he feels a little bad about it at times.... But you are so beautiful... And that ass, God only knows how many times he's dreamed of it bouncing off him...

"Nothing special, just a bad feeling" you say, taking a bite of the end of your feeble dish, "...I don't really believe in feelings you know, but for once I have to give it to you..." he says, kicking the sides of his horse to start galloping "No we should let the king know we're back, maybe he'll explain what's going on.

You nod and follow him, speeding up in your turn, not missing the crosses on the front of each house, as well as some silver objects in front of the windows, which normally would have been looted by the small thieves of the city, but even they don't seem to want to touch them... You start to understand what is going on but don't go forward, hoping that the bad luck hasn't come to your place of living once again, where you and Tovar have decided to stay for more than two years now.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

The throne room which is usually decorated with berries on every table, and bright silk draperies falling from the chandeliers to the ceiling, adorning the sides of the windows are not present, leaving the room in a dullness and sadness that the king and queen usually do not like. But they don't seem to mind, in fact in this room where all the lords are gorging themselves and filling up, they think it is much more agitated than the atmosphere outside. An almost incomprehensible hubbub envelops the room, leaving the king before you, not uttering a word, eyes fixed on you, nodding towards a guard at the back of the room, leading to the inner corridors of the castle, a neutral look on his face, leaving his wife and lords to shout complaints and fears into every ear.

He stands up curtly as the others in the room don't take the decency to stop talking as they usually would, leaving the king to walk out the back door, with you on his heels.

"Where were you?!" He says before you can even close the door to the large hallway, "On the trail of one of them my king" Pero says, bowing his head slightly. "And?" Said the king as he placed his index finger and thumb on his nose, as if trying to relieve a headache. "We had a trail... But we got away from it because of me" you say as you look the king in the eye, not flinching, assuming that a disaster may be looming over the city because of you.

The king doesn't answer and starts pacing in front of you before continuing silently, in a calm and gentle manner that must have always been endowed with "It's nothing... I think you might have guessed it when you returned to the city, but one of them is attacking an area near here..." "And no one was AVAILABLE to stop it?... Dios mío..." says pero a little annoyed that everyone is waiting on you two. "Oh, there were many volunteers... But none came back."

You turn your gaze to Tovar understanding without him actually saying it, what the king is asking you. He nods and you do the same before turning to the king, "Where? Where did you send them?" you say, already beginning to think you're going to regret it, "The Singing Mountain... There was... If you had seen what happened there...".

He couldn't finish his sentence and squinted hard, as if to chase away painful memories buried behind his eyelids. "We've seen it all our lives," Pero said before bowing and walking out to cross the throne room. You do the same, "It will be dark soon, we can't leave now, it would be too dangerous. But at dawn we'll get started. You don't share any contact with him, out of royal respect, and simply turn on your heels to join Pero, already far away, probably thinking of a plan for tomorrow.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

Your little house is on the outskirts of the village, a little out of the way, not that you don't like the presence of other people, but you are simply used to living like this: just the two of you.

You had already tried to live in separate houses in the village when you arrived two years ago, but every night was cut short by panicked screams and the search for comforting warmth next to you, visions and nightmares that you hadn't had in years, memories that were buried in the depths of your mind, every moment and every night that you spent in Pero's arms.

And you know that it was the same for him, even if he never mentioned it. He didn't have to. The simple fact that he would leave his house at one end of town in the middle of the night to join you under the sheets without saying anything and just let you snuggle up to him as you have done since you were children. So, you drifted away from the villagers, refusing to attach yourself to anyone else, only needing each other, sleeping together to hunt and seek comfort from the demons that plague you both when night falls. And sometimes even sharing each other's presence you feel that you are missing something... It's weird, and you don't know what it is. You don't talk about it... But you both feel it as well...

After setting up silver dust, under foliage all around your home and bringing back some stew that an old lady gave you in the village, thanking you for protecting them, and drinking a large pint of beer that Pero had left out in the house, you both finish your well-deserved meal in silence, savouring every mouthful of stew with a deliciousness like you've never tasted before... Or maybe you're just so hungry that everything would seem like a delicacy right now.

The same goes for the bed, having obviously finished before Pero who always takes a second bite and calls you "paloma", which according to what he told you simply means that you don't eat much for someone who is always crying out for food, like a little bird. You quickly head for your room so that you can have a nice bath without being disturbed by his lack of patience who you know would be there asking you every thirty seconds if you were almost finished, wanting to take a bath as well. So you were able to enjoy it fully until the water cooled, letting your muscles relax from the tumultuous journey and the stress dissolve for a short moment you cherished.

"I heard people talking about this mountain when we first arrived..." says Pero from the bathroom, waking you from your near sleep, now lying on the bed "Mmmh..." you reply far too tired to utter a word. Eyes still closed, you sit up slightly, knowing that he won't stop there. "The villagers always said that the devil lived in his heart... I didn't really pay attention to it, since there was never a murder... At least until now.”

You open your eyes hearing his voice much closer than it was a few seconds ago, and the reason being that he is standing by the bed, with only a sheet around his hips, placing his weapons beside him as he always does before going to bed. And for your part you try to look away as you always do before going to bed. At least when you sleep in a bed with him. At first it was quite simple and automatic not to look at him when you were younger and when he is only "dressed" like that... But lately it has become quite difficult... It has become quite difficult to avoid the vision of his broad shoulders and that torso getting thinner and thinner towards his waist, that aqualine nose that you imagine between your legs, before placing kisses on it as on his perfect lips and this goddamn perfect little line on it... And that scar on his beautiful obsidian black puppy-dog eyes, even if you're almost sure he doesn't like it, that scar on his face...That scar gives him a crazy charm... And everytime it become impossible to avoid to look at the droplets falling from his deep chocolate curls, sliding down that nape of his neck that you wish you could mark with your lips, to end up around his pure silver cross, shining on his golden and bronze skin...

It's become so hard to ignore this man who's practically become a god under your hungry eyes, as hard as it is to ignore the coming arousal that you feel between your legs as you watch him walk around in his armor or the mere sight of the veins and muscles in his neck give you unholy thoughts...

You turn around and help yourself to your sheets, crossing your legs to try and forget what you'd like him to do to you in that room and bed right now, thinking about how you probably wouldn't have the energy for it, and you fall asleep quicker than you thought you would, already with your mind bent on what you might find on that mountain tomorrow...

Pero watches your body rise and fall slightly with every breath you take and exhale, as he has been doing every night for the past few years... Since he was old enough to understand that you were no longer just a friend to him, that he was no longer indifferent to your curves, that he would watch you come out of the bathroom out of the corner of his eye and bend over the bed to admire your buttocks that he always imagined grabbing tightly in his hands... But he never did and was content to watch you fall asleep with your back to him, now that he can no longer see you come out with a simple sheet around you, your hair wet and your skin steaming from the good bath he would have liked to share with you... He is only content to fall asleep following your breaths, wanting deep down, much more of his Paloma...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

You have galloped and walked all day to get to this cursed place, making you arrive around mid-day, when the sun begins its descent towards the west.

The forest is not dancing as usual, and the birds, being the reason why this mountain is called the singing mountain by their chirping, have seemingly disappeared singing no more from this cursed place under a river now red with blood. A putrid, foul smell that you can't miss is present on the scene. No bodies. Lots of blood.

"I've never seen this..."

You don't respond to his remark, but you know exactly what he is talking about. A river turned red with blood, accompanied by the smell of death, yet showing no sign of a body near the water or even in the forest you've just passed through.

Vampires kill, and abandon the corpse, having no interest in keeping the body, or if they really want a use for it, they transform the person, but in this case if, the smell of decomposing corpse and the river of blood should not be present at the scene.

"I don't like this Pero...".

He doesn't answer and just grunts before pulling out his sword and pushing you back slightly. You do the same and pull out your sword, never having doubted his ability to sense the presence of another being, other than the two of you. "It's not dark enough for it to be one," you say, watching carefully around you. "The king would never send his men out in the middle of the night," he says, passing you some silver powder. "How..."

You don't finish your sentence and freeze. Your hands tighten on the hilt of your sword, and you look into the shadows of the forest at the glowing yellow eye sockets. A man you can't make out is watching you without moving. Pero notices this too and pushes you behind him, instinctively as he does every time, even though he knows you can defend yourself, he never misses an opportunity to throw himself between you and the danger... And you will do the same for him when the opportunity arises.

"Come here!" he shouted with a smile, taunting this bloodsucking bastard, who for his part did not move a muscle. He's watching both you, and you're getting more and more worried, not understanding why he's not attacking you, as they all do. This is not a usual behaviour from them... What is going on here...

Your question evaporates as he evaporates, not approaching you, or attacking you. You tug lightly on Pero's arm, asking him to return to the horse. He didn't insist and followed you, sword in hand, running and climbing on the horses as fast as he could.

"What was that?!" you shouted at him at a gallop not far from him, who stopped dead in his tracks a few paces away from you "Pero what..." "I don't know!" he says, a growing frustration in his eyes that you know only too well, a look he gets when he is about to do something impulsive. "Pero you're not going back!" "He didn't attack us..." "That doesn't mean he won't next time! What's wrong with you?!" You say completely dumbfounded by your best friend, willing to risk his life to prove a point.

FUCK PERO!

You follow him in spite of yourself, knowing that you couldn't forgive yourself for leaving him to die alone in those woods, whether it was his choice or not.

A million thoughts go through your head as Pero is hit by something. You jump off your horse and swing your sword at a man in your path, a man who did not flinch at the shock of a galloping horse. You throw a sword at him which he quickly avoids and disappears again, but you know this kind of technique well, you have fought them all your life. You grab a dagger in your other hand and stand back-to-back with pero who has just straightened up.

"I told you we should have left," you say, more than a little frustrated by events that could have been avoided. "This is not the time." He says as he begins to fight the creature in front of you, moving far too quickly for you to anticipate any movement.

He's faster. Smarter than anything you've encountered before, and despite Pero's ability to inflict some cuts with his pure silver sword, the vampire doesn't give in. But it doesn't kill us for all that... A sentence that goes through your head thinking that it could kill you both in a few seconds if it really wanted to... No, this thing is looking for something...

You don't take any more chances and grab your powder and throw it at the thing, which is screaming in pain, looking at you with reddened eyes, sharp fangs and black veins around its eyes like you've never seen before... "PERO THE HORSES!". He thinks for half a second about killing this thing here and now, but sees the powder starting to dissipate and prefers not to risk both of you getting killed here and now... Not to risk YOUR death here and now which would ultimately be his fault...

You gallop off without looking back, not understanding what you just saw.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"PERO WHAT DID YOU DO THERE?!" you say as you slam the door of the house and drop your weapons on the floor "You could have gotten us both killed! You saw what that thing did!" "It didn't kill us... Why?" he says as he sits down on one of the chairs calmly, too calm for what just happened "Is that really the only thing that bothers you about what just happened Pero?!" you say as you bang on the table.

He straightens up curtly and approaches you with a dark look in his eyes, "Aren't you even asking yourself that question? Don't you want to know why he left us alive? Why didn't he kill us or just jump down our throats and kill us like they all do? ¡Miénteme! LIE TO ME?! TRY LYING TO ME!" He says, banging on the table in turn.

You don't respond, knowing he's right, but you can't help it, impulsive behaviour like that could have killed you both. "I shouldn't have gone back there I know that Paloma... But I don't understand..." he says more calmly trying to apologize in his own way. You take him in your arms, understanding that he acted in incomprehension and panic "I also wonder Pero but don't ever do that again... He was smarter... Faster... And seems to control himself in front of living people... We never had to deal with that" you say holding him tighter, also needing a little comfort, adrenaline gradually coming down.

"She's right!"

You flinch and Pero pulls his sword straight out pushing you behind him, hearing a voice coming from your kitchen. Your eyes widen as you realise that the vampire you fought a few hours ago is the man in the room...

"Your powder has no effect on me, cuties... Should you have tried the wooden stakes?" he says, leaning slowly against one of the walls in front of you. "The wooden stakes are too big, a risk. You have to get too close and we're not stupid enough for that," Pero says dryly.

Those features... A protruding jaw, puppy dog eyes that dominate a fierce rage and that aquiline nose... You turn to Pero and move from him to this man, noticing that your friend, has similar features with this creature in front of you even if his hair is longer than pero, but he doesn't seem to really care or even notice it, it's actually the least of his concerns "Why are we still alive? "He says, putting his weapon on the table behind him, understanding that this creature does not intend to kill you, that if it really wanted to, it would not have bothered to let you go and then follow you and interrupt you... Or would have simply killed you in this forest.

He took a step closer but changed his mind when he saw that Pero was keeping a hand on one of his weapons. "Because I'm not the one you're looking for" says the vampire. Pero looked at you wide-eyed and started to laugh, a dark laugh, far from being amused by the situation. "Do you hear that? Now they're coming to our house to haggle," he said, jostling you slightly, still not making you smile.

You know that side of Pero. That unstable side that loses control of itself and doesn't know how to deal with the information and emotions it receives, which are far too numerous to process quickly enough for events that are far too unfamiliar to its eyes. And you don't blame him because you yourself don't know how to deal with it all. "I'm not happy about talking to you..." you say, trying not to play on each other's nerves. "...But you haven't killed us yet, so I'll give you a minute to explain what you want from us."

He stares at you for a few seconds, examining you from head to toe, not missing the look of disgust and hatred on your face. "You're looking for my creator... And I need you to kill him" he said, staring into your eyes, a teasing smile on his face, very sure of himself, yet very serious about the words he just said "Vampires are normally very attached to their creator, I think you're setting us up" you said, crossing your arms "She can't understand that if I wanted you dead you'd have been dead long ago!

He disappeared for a few seconds and found himself next to you, making you jump up and grab tovar's sword behind you to point it at him. He stared at the blade and ran his finger over it, causing smoke to billow from his skin, like at the end of a fire. "I'm not one of the little vampires you usually fight, which makes me... superior to what you're used to..." Tovar rolled his eyes and stepped in front of you, again, instinctively offering his body as a barrier to protect you, letting the man finish, always having a thought of skewering him at any moment "... I'm not dependent on him... At least not completely. But I don't serve him like all those vermin you hunt every day, who don't know how to control themselves or even think for themselves."

He loosens his last words with a more than visible disgust, arranging his clothes and slowly walking around the table without taking his eyes off you. "I don't depend on him. I'm not attached to him in any way... At least not emotionally... Physically it's something else: I can't kill him, not with my own hands." he says, staring deeply into the wood of the table, as if he could see his own reflection there.

"And you need us for that?!" Pero laughed a dark laugh like you've never heard, now less and less amused by the situation, knowing that he could launch himself at the thing in front of you at any moment. You grab him by the arm before he does something stupid and pull him away from the vampire "We should do it Pero." He widened his eyes and reached up to your face, grabbing your cheeks, as if to check that you hadn't been bewitched. You clapped his hands and told him you were fine before continuing, "If he leads us to his master..." "HE'S NOT MY MASTER!" he shouts from across the room letting you know that he can hear anything you say.

You look at Pero and let him know you'll explain the rest later by miming dust between your fingers, as you've done since you were little, before continuing "When he leads us to his MASTER, we can at least find out where he is and kill him! That's what we've wanted for weeks, Pero."

He's not thrilled. He realizes the danger you're going to face and knows that you've already faced a lot of such danger in your life... But he's not excited. He doesn't know if he can trust the information this thing has just given him, and if he should trust it at all. He doesn't want to have to trust it, and he can see in your eyes that you don't want to either... But he also understands that you have no choice after the king's request. So he lets his gaze shift from yours to the vampire's. "Okay. We leave tomorrow morning," he says, stepping around you and approaching the vampire, a more stern look on his face than he usually wears "... But if you were foolish enough to betray us, know this..." "... That you'll kill me?" he cuts Tovar off with a laugh and moves closer to him "And I'll let you do beautiful."

You chuckle and cross your arms and squint your eyes, amused "We already don't trust you..." "I know that sweetheart" "...BUT that's no reason to lie to us" you say, raising your voice, slightly annoyed by his condescending air.

He tries to get around Tovar, who won't let him pass, and shakes his head to let him know he's definitely not going to approach you. "Believe me..." he said as he put his gaze into yours, a serious, not amused gaze "... If I tell you I'd let you do it it's simply that I'd rather it be you than him."

He nodded to you, then to Tovar, and walked towards the front door.

"Oh, and I'd rather be Max Phillips than 'that thing'," he said as he closed the door behind him, leaving you and Tovar in a state of anxiety and nervousness the likes of which you hadn't had in a long time, leaving you both that night alive to the slightest background noise, the slightest shadow passing through the thin draperies of your windows...

•

Chapter 2

TAG LIST : @jessie-writes-things @absurdthirst @wardenparker @aisibaby @xcartxffs @owljumper @underwaterwonderscapes @artemiseamoon

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[cheetour]

hi, @dancingirishman! (Sorry for hijacking your post OP). I'm Irish - no blood relations. We moved here when I was four.

You're American-Irish. It's nothing to be ashamed of. The American-Irish community have their own history, dialects, foods, and culture. They formed important parts of many American social movements, good and bad. Removing the America from your family's history is an erasure, and despite what internet fandom culture will tell you, there is no shame in being American. It's easy to never refer to yourself as 'American' when everyone you meet is technically American, so you may not know this, but! If you leave America, you will find you have far more in common with other Americans than you do Europeans - no matter their race. That kind of perspective is difficult to gain in North America. If you left, you'd quickly learn that you are American in a lot of ways you didn't notice before, because so was everyone else round you.

Most Europeans don't identify by ancestry; they identify by the culture of the country they grew up plus the culture their parents grew up in. "I grew up in America and so did my parents, but I'm Irish" is just not really something in Europe would say. I identify as Filipino-English second, Irish first - Irish is a more accurate description of my language and the social norms I perform and recognise. An American in a similar position, I believe, would probably identify as "Mixed Asian" first, which is not how we view things here. Neither are wrong, just different.

Similarly, Irish people will usually object flat-out to American-Irish people describing themselves as "Irish" in their presence, because to an Irish ear, an American person claiming to be Irish is claiming a knowledge and experience of Ireland they don't have. So, OP, to answer the (implied) question, you are free to refer to yourself as 'Irish' - in America, around other Americans. If you do it elsewhere, or online (where, despite appearances, not everyone shares the same concepts of race) then Irish people will correctly accuse you of mis-using the term as it's used by them.

As for why quibbling over who can use the term 'Irish', it's more important than Americans using language online in a way that ignores white irish viewpoints on the matter. Last night in Dublin there were riots of people, all claiming migrants are entering the country to steal and take over.

None of those people would accept me or my mother as Irish. They would consider you, a white person with Irish ancestry, to have more right to exist in Ireland than me, who has lived here my entire life. That's why it's important not to let non-Irish viewpoints dominate the language of Irishness; because concepts of Irishness don't primarily affect Americans living abroad, they affect real people living in Ireland. To you, 'Irish' is a description of your ancestry that is important for personal reasons. To us, 'Irish' is an incredibly important political concept. It's not an identity label used for personal reasons - it is used in relation to real world prejudice and racism.

So, like OP said - you're Irish-American. Lobby American politicians, scrutinise the American education system, critique the American media as an American citizen. Being American, like being white, is a privelege you don't notice until you don't have it! Take some pride in that. You shouldn't take your nationality or perceived 'belonging' to a county for granted. I don't easily fit into those boxes, and when things get dicey, I don't get a choice like yours - it's my family whose lives here are on the line.

Hello, I saw your pinned post and I thought I’d ask a question. I am an Irish-American. In recent years I’ve been distancing myself more and more from the American part of my identity. I am hyper aware of the Celtiboo mentality as you put it. I know my username and dash photos aren’t a great start but hear me out lol. (Going back over this. This is a bit of ramble. You are under zero obligation to read or respond to this. I’m still sending it because I think I genuinely want an answer from an actual Irish person but again no obligations)

I struggle with culture and identity because my family gave up Irish culture to assimilate into American culture. In an attempt to decolonize my mindset and unassimilate(not sure if that’s a word) I’ve been trying to learn Irish and be more in tune with Irish language, culture and politics. Tá cúpla focail agam. A weird thing happens when your family assimilates into a culture but holds onto the past still.

My family has only been here for 100 years as of this month. (I know this is a long time but my great grandmother who was the first generation born in the US helped raise me growing up, so it doesn’t feel that long ago) My great-great grandmother ran guns during the rising, independence war, and the civil war. She would tell my mom stories about Ireland growing up. My great grandmother told me I was Irish from the time I could talk till she passed 10 years ago. As well as telling me some of the stories her mom told her. Her mom taught her some Irish but she didn’t know enough to teach to my grandma and then by my mom’s time we lost the language. I’ve been trying to scrape back anything I can of that part of my family. It’s hard to describe but it feels like something is missing. With the two generations that were actually Irish citizens gone now it’s like we lost something more than just them but we can’t put a finger on exactly what it is we lost. My grandmother is eligible for citizenship and I’ve been trying to collect all the documents together for her to claim it but that doesn’t solve the problem of myself and my identity.

This has become rambling at this point but I guess my question is. How do I and my family fit in to this? Are we just pretending? We consider ourselves Irish(even though our connection is dwindling). We don’t want to lose that part of ourselves. Is it just Celtiboo stuff? Or is what we are trying to do justified? There’s a lot more I want to say here but this is already too long of an ask.

You’re American with Irish ancestry ok? It’s quite simple.

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Yu, Jake,

I am glad you talked it out! I think both of you needed it. And I understand the need to recharge, I hope you feel better when this letter reaches you, Yuvon :)

It's still evening and I think I am done with preparing everything for tomorrow. I cooked. Chinese. Once again. I mean, I needed to use the food before I go, right? And Max will be happy tomorrow. (Please imagine I sighed here. Because I did.) I really don't know what to think. I'd rather be with J

No new messages from the Crow-Crew.

Now to Jessy, you're probably right. I don't even know if she'll answer again, I just hope she would've contacted us before her and the others just handed over their Jakes whereabouts.

If I could I would hit

And you are right, their whole timeline is pretty messed up...And the MWAF still out there (since I cannot imagine any Jake to be him)

Maybe you're also right, I shouldn't worry that much about TSB. I guess. Yeah. I am very sure Goldie did everything they could.

[For this one sentence the writing becomes more clean than Lis' normal writing] Like they always did...

[The writing's normal again, but a few pink stains are on the paper]

Sorry, I suddenly got a bit dizzy. Spilled my tea. Probably a bit exhaustion?

Yeah, Jake, you got things right. Somehow a Jessy comtacted us. I guess this could happen because she read Matts letters? Somehow? But I think that could be a reason we got the letter. She probably threw all of them in a mailbox together. (Since she said she wrote some everyone who sent Matt letters I think?)

You're also right about the fact that this Jake got framed... Are you Is everything Is the thought DAMN. Why is writing so difficult

I actually DO concur with you, Jake. It honestly makes much sense to me. Like, when I was enjoying my maladaptive daydreaming as a child (totally not still doing it) I liked to create my own worlds. Manipulate them while daydreaming.

We don't know much about different entities, but it just makes sense to me. And I don't know why I brought this up or where I wanted to go with this. I hope it was somehow understandable.

Jake also has some more things to say. I am not allowed to read, Yuvon can if she wants to. But it mainly is for you, Jake.

And one more thing before that...Is he in danger? Because I know Jake is working on something new. Just tell me he is not in danger.

Lis🐾🔥

[Again the screenshot of a message is glued to the back of the letter]

Before I start, thank you again for your help, Jake. I was able to work much faster with the knowledge you gave me.

But I have to ask you one thing. Liska gave me the possibility to read all letters until the letter where we could talk the first time without her reading. Did something happen? Or did anyone write something that disturbed her?

She doesn't show me the letter anymore, just telling me some information, saying it wasn't important. She changed topic when I want to ask her. What happened that she does not want to tell me?

If you are so nice Yuvon, if you read, I would like you to stop here. It's something that I don't want to tell you when Jake isn't ready :)

About your diagnose, was it ADHD? If you do not want to tell that's fine.

As for me, since you gave me the chance to get to know this about you. It was never diagnosed, but after my life I am pretty certain it doesn't need to.

I have had social anxiety since early childhood. That's the reason I am an complete introvert.

My mother never wanted to get me diagnosed, though.

I thought detail for detail wouldn't be that bad, and I understand what you mean. We're all similar but different. As well as Liska, Rai and Yuvon.

~ Jake

Lis,

We definitely needed to talk, yeah. I think Jake might have already said it, but thanks for pushing us into it. That misunderstanding could've snowballed into something bigger if we hadn't talked about it. It's sort of hard for me to parse that he could be concerned about me, because that's MY role in my head. I'm the one who's supposed to worry.

I'm trying to be better about that.

While it would've been nice if she'd contacted us before her Jake was imprisoned, it wouldn't have made sense in context. You don't get affairs in order before you work on getting the murderer imprisoned. Priorities. Besides, Matt apparently never even opened these letters, so we wouldn't exactly be first on the list of contacts to inform of his passing.

Lis, I have a bit of an odd request. Do you know about word association? It's basically, I give you a word and you write down anything that comes to mind when you think of it. It could be words with similar meanings, words related to memories that are connected to that word, if it's an object or related to an object a description of the object, etc etc. You don't have to think hard about it, it's probably better if you don't think about it too much actually. I'd like you to try it. Your word is "yellow".

I don't know how you're sending your letters, but I need to send them in here, and there's no mailbox or anything. I just put them in an envelope or am handed an envelope by Jake, throw them in the air, and say "send".

Yes, I learned this through trial and error. Yes, the first edition of the "send" command had a lot more cursing.

What's this about agreeing with Jake?

Jake just told me. Definitely seems like it, yeah. What I saw in the north room also supports that theory. I don't think it changes much for us, though. Whether we're being made into entertainment or not, we've still got to find a way out of our circumstances. If it means we have to break Fate to do it, fine. We'll find a way.

Mmm, probably not too much more danger than usual? All Jakes are in some danger at all times, so it's hard for me to judge. But I haven't really been reading the inter-Jake correspondences, so I don't know for sure.

Anyhow, that's all from me for now. Talk to you later, Lis :)

—Yuvon

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis and Jake.

That version of Jessica handed over my alternate self's whereabouts? That is... disturbing. I will endeavor to show more caution in what I reveal to Jessica in the future in this world, though admittedly her releasing my current location is not a great concern.

I suppose anyone can write to Yuvon, then, if they know of her existence. Is there a return address on these envelopes when they are sent? Yuvon and I assumed the method of returning letters was a little more mystical than mundane, given the method of sending, but it seems we leapt to conclusions.

I second Yuvon's suggestion of word association. As Yuvon said, do not think too hard about it. Simply write anything and everything that comes to mind. There is no right or wrong answers, so do not feel pressured, nor linger overly long on each association once it is written.

Yuvon seems very confident in her ability to "break fate". She was muttering something about rebirth and change while writing her section of the letter, as well. I am not entirely sure what she means by that, but if she has some sort of plan, far be it from me to stand in her way, so long as she does not put herself in danger.

I do not think it is precisely my place to tell you one way or another whether your Jake is in danger, but I assure you that your Jake is nowhere remotely near going the way of TSB. You do not need to worry on that count.

As always, it was a pleasure to speak to you, Lis. Or write to you, I suppose. If you would please stop reading here, I am about to address your Jake's message :)

You are welcome. That bug frustrated me for an embarrassingly long time; that is why I recalled it in such detail. Saving you the trouble was the least I could do.

There are two possibilities I can see as to why Lis may not be showing you the letters.

First: From what I understand, an alternate Jessica contacted Yuvon. Her version of the Detective, a man named Matt whom she was romantically involved with, was murdered, and that version of Jake was framed and possibly incarcerated. Yuvon did not share the letter with me out of respect to Jessica; Liska may feel similarly.

Second: I introduced a theory that the entities may be more involved with all versions of the Detectives than we previously believed. Tragedy so far seems to be particularly attracted to even the Detectives with no ties to the supernatural. Lis may not wish to share that information with you for one reason or another.

Unfortunately, other than that, I can think of nothing as of yet, but I will read back over recent letters later to ensure I have not missed anything.

That was a good guess, but the diagnosis was not ADHD.

Thank you for telling me. I suppose social anxiety would be another possible reason for our "flaw". Detail for detail sounds quite fair :)

Before I sign off, you should know that Lis is expressing concern over your safety. I informed her you would not go the way of TSB, so please do not make me a liar.

Good luck,

Jake

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[magicshoppurple]

The 25 Journal Prompts For Self-reflection (now answered)

1. Two words/phrases that make me laugh

I hate snakeu. I don't know, it's just an army thing. But it kind of makes me laugh everythime i think about it.

2. My life in 7 years

In 7 years, I'm gonna be 27. So i want my life to be happy. Been to Venice already, to South Korea, Japan. Met BTS, GOT7, and Ed Sheeran. Pursuing my career as a writer. No boyfriend. Built my parents a good house. Bought a farm land. Bought 2 boats, one for fishing the other for touring. Have a car. Lots of books. Written many stories. Living with pets.

3. What do i need to get off my chest today

A good cup of coffee, i guess. With a pen in hand and a paper to write on. Just like the good old times.

4. How can i simplify my life in little ways

An island girl, living an island life. Pet lover and writer with a heart.

5. What advice should i give myself right now

Don't let love take your dreams away.

6. How can i make time for things that bring me joy

Just wake up early and do some stuffs. A lot of time in the morning. Pure silence. No distractions.

7. What makes me happy

This may vary all the time. But this time, what makes me really happy is that i passed the civil service exam that i lost hope for and went on a ten-day vacation with my mom and sister.

8. Ten interesting facts about myself

1. I love music.

2. I love Kpop.

3. I love reading.

4. I love watching Kdramas till 3 am.

5. I write blogs about stuffs that inspire me

6. I love animals.

7. I love history.

8. I love movies.

9. I love adventure.

10. I can swim.

9. Five fears that i have

1. Physical darkness

2. Psychological darkness

3. People that cannot be trusted

4. Forgotten dreams

5. Unknown future

10. What am i thankful for

Right now, i am thankful that i just came back from our vacation safely.

11. Five things i would like to do more

1. Writing

2. Reading

3. Going out to see the sunrise

4. Playing with my pets outside

5. Helping my mother doing the house chores

12. Things i love about this time of my life

About this time of my life, i think i love my newly bought blue notebook, the chinese movie i just watched earlier, the ferero nutella that my uncle just gave us, the kdrama Touch Your Heart that makes my heart really flattered, Lee Dong Wook and Yoo In Na. I also love being back home and seeing jungkook, chimchim, tofu, kalderen, kabo, and smeagol. And, the couch i am lying on right now. Also, the feeling that i got inspired to write again.

13. How do i relax

Most times, it'd be lying on the cough watching tv. Other times, It'd be sleeping on the hammock while listening to music. Or reading in our cottage with a cup of coffee in hand. And sometimes, it's playing with my dogs at the beach, running wild with the wind in my face.

14. What do i feel strongly about

I feel strongly about being an ARMY. Because its not that easy. Beacuse it's really gotten into me. Beacuse i love BTS, and it will insult me if anyone makes bad comments about them. They're my idol and i live looking at them as my inspiration.

15. What are my priorities in life

My number one priority is to find a job so that i could help my parents already. Number two is to suppprt my sister's study. Number three is to travel. Number four is to be a writer. And the list just goes on.

16. Five things to do less often

1. Being lazy

2. Not doing anything

3. Being pessimistic

4. Getting scared

5. Getting worried

17. What were my highs and lows this week?

My highs this week are when i passed that civil service exam and that 10-day vacation. About the exam, i never thought i could really pass it because i didn't even finished it. I lost hope already but miracles do happen. I got my miracle, thanks God. And about the vacation. Well, it's been a good one. I get to meet cousins and relatives i haven't seen before or in a long time.

And my lows this week is the realization that i may be losing my dreams one day because i grow up or fall in love. It makes me sad to even think about it.

18. Write a letter to my teenage self

Since i haven't been a teenager for a year now, I'm missing that self already. To my teenage self, you haven't been so reckless. Don't spend your time crying over guys and getting depressed about the me now. I'm truly fine. Worry about your self. Go out, enjoy, read your favorite books, write, and get inspired. And also, study well. But not hard. You shouldn't have a boyfriend, but it happens anyway. It's okay. Just don't get suffocated on love. Your feelings will fade anyway, trust me. Lmao 😂😂

Just love yourself more.

19. What do i need to be content

That i have what i need right now - a food to eat, a family to come home to, pets to cuddle, books to read, songs to listen, notebooks to write on, a cellphone to do stuffs i love, and many more.

20. Name three things i do well

1. Writing

2. Crafting

3. Reading

21. What are my biggest goals

To travel with my family. To meet BTS. To build a dream house. To publish even just one book. To know Japanese/Korean language. Above all that, TO BE HAPPY.

22. What do i love about myself

I love that i am continuously learning to love myself. That i am no longer in the impression of trying to chase some guy. That I'm not in love. That guys can no longer make a fool of me.

23. One way i would like to grow next year

My character. That's been a little bit off the track lately. I hate that i am not good to people. That anyone could annoy me so easily.

24. What would i be doing if money wasn't an object

To travel, perhaps. If by object means not an issue, then I'd probably be gone somewhere in the world and never coming back.

25. What's on my mind right now

The chinese movie called suddenly 17. It's about dreams dissappearing because the main character grow up. Or somewhere along the way, she gave it up for the man she love who only broke her heart after ten years of their relationship.

THAT MOVIE JUST MADE ME REALIZE THAT I WOULD NEVER EVER GIVE UP MY DREAMS FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

||05.31.19

[sherristockman]

Why You Shouldn't Use Cotton Swabs to Clean Your Ears Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola Guidelines have recently been submitted that support something you probably already knew, that using cotton swabs to clean your ears isn't a good idea. The latest counsel was published in the journal Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery, authored by the American Academy (AAO-HNS) advisory panel of the same name.1 You may remember the mantra that's been repeated since you were a kid: Never put anything in your ear that's smaller than your elbow. But why? We all want clean ears; further, being able to hear what's being said at the dinner table is usually a good thing, so if there's wax buildup, getting rid of it somehow seems logical. Dr. Seth Schwartz, chairman of the guideline update group for the Academy, said doctors aren't the only ones paying attention to such guidelines. They're aware that, especially in recent years, more people have been opting for self-care. Incidentally, while one wouldn't think such a document would be especially sought after, apparently it is. More than 50,000 copies of the old guidelines have been downloaded. 'Nothing Smaller Than Your Elbow,' but Why? Two very positive things came about when the new clinical guidelines were submitted. One was that a consumer representative, not necessarily connected with the medical community, was included on the panel. Another was that the verbiage used became much more clear and straightforward than in years past, Schwartz said, adding: "The process has become a little more transparent in the way we actually write the guidelines now. We are more clear about why the decisions we made are made and what data there is to support it."2 The guidelines' answer to the "why" question is pretty concise, as CNN reported: "Cotton swabs, hair pins, house keys and toothpicks — the many smaller-than-our-elbow-objects we love to put in our ears — can cause cuts in our ear canals, perforate our eardrums and dislocate our hearing bones. And any of these things could lead to hearing loss, dizziness, ringing or other symptoms of ear injury."3 The better alternative, experts say, is to let nature take its course. So how does that work for getting waxy ears clean? According to the AAO-HNSF, if your body is ridding itself of excess wax correctly, your ear canals should never have to be cleaned.4 Glands in your ears produce earwax to keep them lubricated, as well as clean and protected. The main reason it's present is so foreign bits like dust, dirt and dead skin cells will get stuck in it rather than burrowing deeper and lodging in your ear canal. One study lists lysozyme, an antibacterial enzyme, fatty acids, alcohols, cholesterol and squalene as natural elements in your earwax.5 Additionally, studies say earwax is produced only in the outer one-third of your ear canal, so using cotton swabs or another instrument can push earwax into the deeper part of your ear canal, near the eardrum.6 Further, using cotton swabs in your ears releases histamine, which may cause itching, irritation and inflammation. The usual response then is more cotton swab use, making the problem worse. To be clear, it's trying to get rid of earwax that often causes problems, because bacteria, fungus and viruses can be introduced from your outer to your inner ear. Besides blocking your ear canal and causing hearing loss, using instruments can rupture your eardrum. Earwax elimination takes place naturally when you talk or chew food: Your jaw movements, along with skin growth within the canal, join forces, as it were, to help move old earwax out so new, "clean" earwax can form. The old earwax gets washed away when you bathe. The Dos and Don'ts of Cerumen Impaction So what's the low-down when cerumen, the clinical term for earwax, builds up in your ears? In the guidelines' section called "Dos and Don'ts," it explains that impaction takes place when the ear fails to properly eliminate earwax. This happens most often in older people, Dr. James Battey, director of the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD), said, explaining a common scenario: "For those with impacted ear wax, the use of cotton-tipped swabs may push the earwax deeper into the ear canal and harm the eardrum … About 2 percent of adults with impacted earwax may go to the doctor with hearing loss as their symptom."7 Cerumen buildup is one reason why many elderly people are unable to hear well. Whether you're having trouble hearing or think you have earwax buildup, see a healthcare professional, who may use microsuction to clean your ear canals using gentle suction and instruments, or other appropriate removal methods. If the volume of cerumen is high, high-pressure ear canal irrigation with a syringe may be necessary, but only by a professional because improper methods and pressure could damage your ear drum. However, don't use irrigation to clean your ears if you're diabetic or have a broken ear drum. Again, that's where the most important "don't" comes in: Don't use any kind of sharp instrument like a knitting needle, bobby pin or pencil to clean your ears. (Yes, all of these are tools that have been used for this purpose.) Another "don't" recommendation is to avoid overcleaning your ears because it might make an impaction problem worse. The drive to have clean ears is cultural, Schwartz explains, but it's best to simply wipe away excess wax when it makes itself evident on the outside of the ear. As for some of the "Dos," one is to talk to your doctor about how to treat earwax impaction yourself in the privacy of your own home. That said, some ear conditions (which you may not even realize you have) may make some self-cleaning options unsafe. And About Those Ear Candles and Jet Irrigators — No, Just No The concept of ear candles may have emerged as far back as 2500 B.C, according to the Colon Therapists Network: "Ancient cultures, including the Egyptians, made reference to its use. Parchment scrolls discovered in the Orient also have described the procedure for ear candling, also known as ear coning."8 Audiology.org describes these earwax removal devices and how they're purportedly used: "Hollow tapered cones made of cloth and soaked in beeswax or paraffin; the narrow funnel is placed into the ear and the opposite side of the cone is ignited … Proponents of ear candling claim oxygen is drawn from the flame, thus producing a vacuum that literally pulls residue out of the ear."9 One study10 said that in a limited clinical trial involving eight ears, no cerumen removal from the external auditory canal was evident, and that 122 otolaryngologists counted 21 ear injuries from ear candle use. Candle wax was often deposited during the process, and in conclusion, "ear candles have no benefit … and may result in serious injury." Ash residue is another substance ear doctors have found in peoples' ears after using ear candles, and accidents (which you'll have sometimes when you're playing with fire) are credited with more than a few injuries. When Too Much Earwax Is Just Too Much "It's not a bad thing to have wax in your ears. Everybody does and should," Schwartz said. "It's more of an issue when it becomes too much." There's also the fact that some people experience drainage, pain, hearing loss and even bleeding from their ears. In any of those cases, it's a problem that must be addressed by a medical professional, so it's a definite "do" to see your doctor. The simplest and safest way to remove earwax at home is to lie on your side with a towel under your head and put a few drops of olive oil, coconut oil or water in your ear to soften the earwax. Then, pour a capful of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide in your ear to flush the wax out. Pure, clean water or a sterile saline solution works just as well as oil or over-the-counter eardrops. Using hydrogen peroxide may also help improve respiratory infections, like colds and flu. You may hear a bubbling noise or feel a slight stinging sensation; both are perfectly normal. When those subside, repeat with the other ear. Insufficient amounts of omega-3 fats in your system may be making your earwax buildup worse. The best way to remedy this is to eat omega-3-rich foods like wild-caught Alaskan salmon and sardines or take a high-quality, animal-based omega-3 supplement. When your buildup or impaction has dissipated, make sure you're getting sufficient amounts of omega-3 to prevent a recurrence. Hearing loss is not always an indication that someone has wax built up in their ears. In fact, the older a person is, the more opportunities they've had in their life to experience loud noises that could precipitate partial hearing loss. It's one of the most common causes. The NIDCD says: "Sounds can be harmful when they are too loud, even for a brief time, or when they are both loud and long-lasting. These sounds can damage sensitive structures in the inner ear and cause noise-induced hearing loss (NIHL)."11