#the actual idea to look at it this way and what to look at belongs entirely to anon :P
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Bradford Has a Princess
I used one of the amazing Tim Bradford ideas posted by @nevereclipse for this!! I hope you like it and it's along the lines of what you were thinking!☺️
Pairing: Tim Bradford x younger(24-26y/o)!fem!reader
Summary: Tim Bradford is whipped for you, treats you with nothing but the best princess treatment, and when his fellow officers call him out on it, he realizes how he truly feels about you.
Warnings: fluff! princess treatment and Tim being a SOFTIE™
Word Count: 1.6k+ words
You blow your hair out of your face before you tug it painfully behind your ear.
“Easy,” your boyfriend mutters, reaching over carefully. He gathers your hair much gentler than you had, pulls it loosely behind your ears, and uses the hair tie he wears around his wrist to secure it. “Better?”
You hum before you say, “Thank you, Tim.”
His hand moves down your back, resting comfortably against the base. After you finish your project, you take a paper towel from the nearby roll and wipe your hands.
“Need anything else?” Tim asks.
You smile over your shoulder as you rest against Tim’s chest. He’s older than you, and though some people might frown upon your relationship, you love him, not only because of the selfless way he treats you. Tim places his arm around your shoulders, then uses his free hand to pull your hand closer to him. He traces his thumb over your knuckles, then looks at your nails as his calloused palm holds you like you are the most precious thing in his life, in the world.
“I can make you an appointment at the nail salon you like,” he offers. “Tuesday?”
Tim shifts his hands, running his fingertips up and down your palm as he smiles.
“I can wait,” you answer. “I actually saw a kit online that lets you make your own nail art. Maybe I should try that next time.”
“Send me the link.”
Tim kisses your temple, then twirls the ends of your hair around his fingers. He decides he could spend forever here and wouldn’t even care what his friends thought about it.
“Tim!” Angela calls. “We’re all going to Andre’s.”
“Actually,” he begins.
“No, you skipped out the last three times, you’re coming with.”
“No arguments,” Nyla adds. “We might even make you pay.”
Tim sighs, his shoulders dropping as he nods. He follows them out of the station and is unsurprised to see Lucy, Nolan, Aaron, and Wesley waiting in the parking lot.
“Tim, you’re coming too?” Wesley asks. “I thought you’d finally sworn off fraternization.”
“Ha ha,” Tim deadpans.
“Can I ride with you?” Aaron asks. “My car’s getting a new wrap and Wesley’s backseat is a little tight with the carseats.”
Tim doesn’t answer but doesn’t say no, so Lucy nods and encourages Aaron to go. Aaron climbs into Tim’s passenger seat and buckles his seatbelt without a word.
“Oh,” he exclaims as Tim backs out of the space. “Who’s the Dior lip gloss belong to?” He lifts the tube out of the floorboard and recognizes it as part of a set his mom has. “This is expensive, they must be missing it.”
“She knows it’s here,” Tim grumbles, extending his hand to take it.
“Your sister?” Aaron guesses as Tim places it in the center console. He sees several other items, like a scrunchie, a receipt, and powder.
“None of your business,” Tim snaps. “Why are you getting an expensive car wrapped, anyway?”
“Because I can.”
Tim and Aaron fall silent, Tim thinking about you as Aaron wonders if the others know about the woman taking up space in Tim Bradford’s truck and in his life.
During your next date night, Tim opens the door for you, then wraps his arm around your waist as you enter the restaurant. He moves to his left to stand slightly behind you as you wait to be seated, and you smile over your shoulder at him.
At your table, Tim pulls your chair out for you, but you stop before you sit when someone says his name. You turn, and Tim’s shoulders tense beneath his blazer.
“Angela,” he greets tightly. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m on a date,” she answers with a smile. She looks at you before she asks, “And you?”
You sense the tension and interrupt to introduce yourself. You provide your name and shake her hand, then look to Tim.
“My girlfriend,” he tells Angela. “We’re on a date, so…”
“I’ll ask more later then. I mean that Timothy, you have a lot to tell me.” She turns toward you again and says, “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too.”
Alone, you take Tim’s hand across the table and apologize for interrupting him and his friend. He promises that he wasn’t bothered by that and assures you that he wasn’t avoiding introducing you on purpose but was just surprised. You fall into easy conversation, as usual, and the date is over far too soon.
When the waiter leaves the check on the corner of the table, you ask, “Going Dutch?”
“Going insane if you think I’m letting you pay for a date,” Tim mumbles before speaking up to say, “My treat.”
Tim offers his blazer before you walk out into the windy Los Angeles night, and you wrap your hands around his arm as he leads you to his truck. You’ve never felt as loved and as cherished as you do with Tim Bradford.
As you enter Tim’s house, he uses your joined hands to pull you back toward him. He dips his chin, gesturing for you to sit on the couch, then lowers to the table before it. With a gentle touch, Tim runs his hands down your leg, from your knee to your ankle. After he hooks his finger under the strap of your heel, he pulls your foot up, resting your calf on his knee to unhook the small buckle against your ankle and remove your shoe. He repeats the process with the other shoe, then lays his hands on your knees and leans forward.
“Hi,” you whisper with a smile.
Tim smiles in the proximity, then runs his hands up your legs to rest on your thighs.
“I love you,” you add.
“I love you,” he replies before he moves beside you on the couch, cups the back of your neck in his hand, and pulls into a kiss that proves it.
Tim stops mid-step as he enters the roll call room the following morning. Angela and Aaron are perched atop the tables to watch him with matching looks.
“What?” Tim asks.
“You have a girlfriend,” Angela says.
“That I’m thinking you bought Dior for,” Aaron adds.
“Who are you and what did you do with Timothy Bradford?”
“Yes, I have a girlfriend, and I bought her some makeup,” Tim admits. “What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal?” Aaron repeats incredulously. “You, Tim Bradford, are whipped.”
“He took her to an expensive restaurant last night,” Angela tells Aaron without looking away from Tim. “I bet he footed the bill, too.”
“There is no reason to be discussing this at work,” Tim points out. “So, drop it.”
“Drop what?” Lucy asks from the doorway.
One word, Tim mouths to Aaron. Aaron nods, but Angela smiles. Tim knows he has no power over her, but when she changes the subject, he sighs and nods once. She’ll bring it up again when he least expects it, but for now, the ‘news’ of his ‘being whipped’ for you is contained. He isn’t ashamed of you, of course, but some things need to be private.
Immediately after walking into Tim’s house, he kisses you so hard that you can feel the sticky texture of your lip gloss as it smears from the corners of your lips and onto your chin. When he pulls back, holding you up as you blink at him, breathless, he uses his thumb to wipe away the shiny mess he made.
“I missed you too,” you say.
“I was told today that I’m whipped,” Tim replies.
You furrow your brows, and Tim taps his knuckle against your forehead and smiles as he shakes his head. You relax but hold his side as you wait for more information.
“Aaron and Angela know about you, and he told me I was whipped. I realized that he’s right.”
Terrified that Tim is about to break up with you after this realization, you pull your bottom lip between your teeth. He huffs and tugs it free.
“I am more in love with you than I ever dreamed of being capable of. So…”
Tim is clearly trying to find the right words, and you smile as you offer, “Incandescently happy?”
“Completely and incandescently happy,” he agrees. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Tim smiles, then notices he disturbed your outfit with his sudden affection. He tugs the ridden-up fabric down over your hips before dragging his fingertips along your upper arm to fix your top.
“Remember when you bought me the makeup wipes?” you ask.
Tim nods and inquires, “Do you need them?”
You try to contain your smile but fail. “No, you just proved you can take off lip gloss without them.”
Tim tugs you closer, hooks his arms under your hips, and lifts you up. You gasp in surprise before gripping his shoulders. After he carries you to the kitchen and sets you on the counter, he takes your shoes off and stands between your legs.
“Should I make dinner or are you going to keep distracting me?”
You tap your finger against your jaw and pretend to ponder the question. “That depends… will your friends still be okay with this relationship when they find out you’re a cradle robber?”
“Maybe I should give you back then.”
You pout, and Tim kisses your forehead before he turns away. He passes you a bouquet of red roses, then sets a glass of your favorite beverage beside you. It’s the response you hoped for, and after you gently place the flowers aside, you pull Tim closer by his collar and smile against his lips.
#tim bradford x reader#tim bradford x y/n#tim bradford x you#tim bradford imagine#tim bradford fic#tim bradford the rookie#tim bradford#tim bradford fluff#fem!reader#hanna writes✯#the rookie x reader#the rookie abc
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https://www.tumblr.com/goldfades/768009162138517504/title-luke-hughes
What about luke’s reaction? coming into the room after the boys told him he was wrong at practice or something, maybe he saw the comments?
it’s a little past eight when you hear the front door slam. you’re curled up on the couch, scrolling through your phone with a smug grin on your face. the video you posted earlier is still blowing up, comment after comment pouring in. your favorite so far might be the one that reads “he’s so confident it’s actually heartbreaking”—but there’s stiff competition.
the sound of heavy footsteps stomping down the hallway makes your ears perk up, and you sit up straighter just in time for luke to appear in the doorway. he’s still in his practice gear, hair damp with sweat and his cheeks flushed pink, but his expression is what gets you: somewhere between confusion, betrayal, and... is that a pout?
“you,” he says, pointing at you with the kind of dramatic flair usually reserved for soap operas. “you set me up.”
you blink innocently, setting your phone down. “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”
luke steps further into the room, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “don’t play dumb. the guys wouldn’t shut up about your video during practice. jack kept reading the comments out loud! ‘cuticle pusher means nail thingies? HAHAHA.’ do you know how humiliating that is?”
you’re already biting your lip to keep from laughing, but when he mimics jack’s voice, the dam breaks. you burst into giggles, doubling over as luke groans loudly.
“it’s not funny!” he protests, though the way his ears turn pink suggests he’s more embarrassed than actually mad. “i was so proud of myself, and you—you let me think i was getting them all right!”
wiping a tear from your eye, you manage to catch your breath long enough to speak. “okay, okay, listen. it wasn’t my fault you were so confident! i mean, ‘tight lines’? really?”
he groans again, flopping onto the couch next to you with a dramatic sigh. “i knew something was off when you said i got ‘halo eye’ right. but you were so convincing!” he shoots you a look, half accusing, half amused. “you’re evil. actually evil.”
you snicker, nudging his shoulder. “oh, come on. you were having fun.”
“yeah, until i realized you were setting me up for the internet to roast me,” he mutters, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “look at this—this one says i belong in a museum for confidence alone.”
you glance at his screen and can’t help but laugh again. “they’re not wrong.”
he groans, tossing his phone onto the coffee table and sinking lower into the couch. “i’ll never live this down.”
“oh, stop being dramatic,” you tease, leaning your head on his shoulder. “you made people laugh, and isn’t that what really matters?”
he’s quiet for a moment, then tilts his head toward you, lips twitching like he’s fighting a smile. “did i at least look good in the video?”
you grin, reaching up to ruffle his curly hair. “you always look good, lukey. even when you’re confidently getting everything wrong.”
his laugh rumbles under your ear as he finally relaxes, letting himself sink into the moment. “you better watch your back, though. payback is coming.”
“oh, i’m shaking,” you say with a smirk, already planning the next video in your head.
↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
#nhl imagine#nhl#nhl fic#hockey#nhl fanfiction#nhl oneshot#hockey fic#luke hughes#luke hughes x reader#luke hughes imagine#luke hughes x oc#luke hughes fanfic#luke hughes blurb#new jersey devils#nj devils#hughes brothers#luke hughes x y/n#luke hughes x you#njd
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Remus John Lupin headcanons, but it gets more angsty with each paragraph
TW: mentions of chronic pain, self-harm, blood, grief, trauma, anger issues, smoking, sexual content.
Remus John Lupin, who loves and hates rings at the same time. He likes how they look, he likes the idea of them, he thinks it's the nicest type of jewelry but he can't stand the feeling of rings on his fingers. They shackle him even if they are a few sizes bigger and gonna fall off if he shakes his hand. Wearing a ring feels worse than a mosquito bite that constantly itches for him.
Remus John "the tallest Marauder" Lupin
Remus John Lupin, who wears meaningful rings on a simple chain around his neck. He genuinely wants to wear them like normal people do, but that's the only option that works for him. Remus John Lupin who reassures himself with the fact that this way the rings are closer to his heart after the thought of making another failed attempt has crossed his mind.
Remus John Lupin who picks at scabs of his unhealed wounds when he's nervous. And Remus John Lupin, who only realizes what he's doing when he feels the stickiness of blood on his fingers.
Remus John Lupin, who needs a cane. Not all the time, but after particularly tough moons. It's just for a couple of days, and he knows it. Remus John Lupin, who, each time, looks at this piece of wood with a special kind of hate in his eyes and sighs heavily before taking it and starting his day.
Remus John Lupin, who limped through the Hogwarts corridors, gritting his teeth in pain because he refused to use a cane. Too ashamed to admit his weakness and the extent of the damage he had done to himself.
Remus John Lupin, who limped through the Hogwarts corridors, gritting his teeth in pain until James got knocked off his broom in the dying minutes of one of the matches. Which led to his broken leg, several weeks of proud stag gait on crutches, and even more stag-like attempts to persuade Remus into the "high speed" race through the corridors. And also led to Remus coming to terms with using a cane.
Remus John Lupin, who you look at and can't figure out what he's like. Is he a shy nerdy guy who reads books voraciously? Or is he a thug who's gonna break your nose if you look at him the wrong way?
Remus John Lupin, who can't figure out himself what he's like.
Remus John Lupin, who hates the cane even more now. Remus John Lupin who looks at this piece of wood with a new kind of rage in his eyes and sighs hopelessly because each and every time he hears the echo of James's laughter after he finally agreed to the race and recalls as amusement gave way to confusion and then back to unbridled joy on Prongs' face when they almost crashed into Minnie on their way.
Remus John Lupin, who's gonna actually break your nose if you make him angry.
Remus John Lupin, who actually reads books voraciously.
Remus John Lupin, who has anger issues.
Remus John Lupin, who wears the coziest "grandpa's" sweaters.
Remus John Lupin, who genuinely wants to quit smoking.
Remus John Lupin who burned his couch once because he fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand.
Remus John Lupin, who throws the most punk leather jacket over his cozy "grandpa's" sweater.
Remus John Lupin, who lit up a cigarette right after extinguishing the fire. Because his biggest regret in this burned couch situation is the ashes, that got on the photo, leaving a burnt hole instead of the month, in the " September 1st at Hogwarts, 1976" in Sirius' neat handwriting.
Remus John Lupin, who questions himself if he was born with uncontrollable anger or if it's his "fluffy problem." And in general, what of his character belongs to him, and what to the wolf?
Remus John Lupin, who hates to call it the "fluffy problem." Because why for fucks sake use the word "fluffy"? Fluffy, it's something nice, sweet, and comforting. The wolf inside him is far from being nice, sweet, and comforting.
Remus, who cried himself to sleep because a random ginger girl knocked on his door, trick or treating.
Remus John Lupin, who gets extremely needy and horny before each full moon.
Remus John Lupin, who regrets that he didn't tear himself apart completely after each full moon.
Remus John Lupin, who can't stand to see anyone during the first few days after the full moon. Because it makes him think about Peter, who used to sneak chocolate past Madam Pomfrey to cheer him up during these first few days in the hospital wing.
Remus John Lupin who tries to hold back his tears and fails each time he hears "Happy Xmas" by John & Yoko.
Remus John Lupin, whose war was not over until he took his last breath.
And Remus John Lupin, who had known since childhood that his war would not be over until he took his last breath.
masterpost
#harry potter#marauders era#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#remus john lupin#remus lupin headcanon#remus lupin hc#remus lupin hurt/comfort#remus lupin x sirius black#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fic#remus lupin angst#remus lupin au#the marauders#marauders#marauders x reader#marauders x y/n#marauders x you#marauders imagine#the marauders headcanon#marauders headcanon#the marauders fandom#marauders fanfiction#marauders fic#marauders fandom#atyd marauders#marauders angst
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I've been rereading Emma these days and I think it has a lot of potential for an au. No, seriously, bear with me.
Edwin is like Emma - both have great confidence in their own observation skills and intelligence to the point of letting obvious things (including their own feelings) slip past their own knowledge. In addition, they are deeply touched by generosity and a desire to be helpful, although they are proud.
Charles is like Knightley - both are generous and helpful without any hesitation and do not mind openness in the people around them, especially those they desire as company. They are close friends with their respective peers and always regarded with the greatest esteem and consideration, even in the midst of disagreement. And there is the bitterness of jealousy that they try to hide with little success, too.
Niko is like Harriet - pretty, young and affable, always willing to accompany and make herself pleasant to those she cares about. A bit romantic and emotional about her own and others' romantic pretensions, but a bit uncertain about what to actually do with those pretensions. She may be swayed at first by well-articulated words, but her own desires are always heard in the end.
Crystal is like Robert Martin - they both seem to belong to a different reality, a different world, and they receive a certain amount of contempt for it. When they want something and are given the right incentives or are overcome by their own desire, they do not hesitate to reveal their intentions. Even in bitterness, they still try to be generous with those they care about and do not give up easily on those they love.
Cat King is like Frank Churchill - his good looks and affability are easy to please and he always knows how to make a smart comment or a well-placed compliment to charm those around him or those who have caught his eye. He clearly keeps his intentions hidden despite his attentions and seems much more willing to follow his own ideas of fun and comfort than to think about the consequences for those around him.
Monty is like Jane Fairfax - both prodigious and reserved, unfortunately a victim of they precarious living conditions that prevent they from truly having their talent and beauty recognized as deserved. The reserve can be seen as a secret that them hopes to hide from those around and most of they actions are for the purpose of pleasing someone else.
Esther is like Mrs. Elton - they both think they are more important than everyone else and are very vocal about it. They want to impose their will and demands on everyone else and establish harmful favoritism only to negatively affect other targets. However, they are elegant and well-positioned where they live.
Jenny is like John Knightley - with sarcastic remarks and sharp observations, both offers advice and opens the eyes of those around they even when doesn't mean to. No favoritism or unnecessary praise, just a person who does they job properly and shows affection in a somewhat unconventional way to those around.
Tragic Mick as Mr. Woodhouse - (I admit this was the hardest one to define, but I think it's the closest parallel I could find) both can be seen as obsessive about their physical misfortunes that are not resolved by anything, not even the various advice of those around them, and are always willing to give advice, solve or lament the problems of others. Their subjects are limited to mainly their own lamentations, but they genuinely care about people.
Genuinely thinking about writing a bit about this next year.
#I haven't decided yet who fits best for Night Nurse#but I'll get there#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#crystal palace surname von hoverkraft#cat king#monty the crow#esther finch#jenny green#jenny the butcher#tragic mick#payneland#palasaki#catcrow
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Extra: The Others
Having the colours of five years ago again feels odd. It’s even worse when they change.
He meets Yerim and tells her he loves her because he has to and because she’s a very lonely young girl and she deserves to be loved, even if he’s lying a bit about their connection.
He shouldn’t feel guilty about any of this, she needs help and he is the one willing to give it to her, albeit not entirely altruistically. And yet, when he applies the keyword and she startles, her track suit suddenly blue, he can’t help but want to hide.
He figured out pretty quickly that applying the keyword also tied someone into his tangled webs of soulmates, and yet it still left him disgusted with himself. It feels like all the proof he needs to confirm that it’s not a true bond, just a nose he ties around the neck of anyone who makes the mistake of needing him.
But Yerim seems happy to have him for now and the sky is quite beautiful so he suppresses it all and helps her tie her shoes when she accidentally cracks the floor. Children.
Kim Sunghan is harder to swallow. Yoojin doesn’t want to see his magenta, way to close to the beautiful reds Yoohyun gifted him. Yoojin knows it’s important to help Haeyeon grow, but at what price? He remembers the Kim Sunghan of the future and knows that there is no way for them to be bound together without magic.
And then there is Yoo Myeongwoo who thinks they were already friends and who gives Yoojin copper and who says he is glad to see the colour of his tea again. Any second now, Myeongwoo will find out that it was never true and that Yoojin stole the colour of some other child who Myeongwoo actually loves. The food Myeongwoo cooks and the trust he places in Yoojin don’t actually belong to him. Yoojin is just an imposter, a chameleon taking on the colour his charges want to see most.
His only delight is that monsters have colours too, it seems. He doesn’t know if it goes both ways, but he does know that Peace turns the leaves in his enclosure green again and that Chirpie inexplicably makes sparkles brighter.
In a sense it is a relief that the keyword doesn’t work on Sung Hyunjae. And that he leaves Yoojin’s world exactly how he found it. At least that’s what Yoojin thinks. He doesn’t particularly worry about ever becoming entangled with the man, since that would require liking him, at least at little. And while Yoojin begrudgingly has to admit that he is, possibly, the most beautiful man on earth, it doesn’t go beyond that. He likes using Sung Hyunjae as a skill, he does not like being used as an item, and that’s that.
Yoojin can’t even properly see the birthday present when he picks it out, gifting the idea of pink yarn more than anything else. He hopes Sung Hyunjae, who is probably so satisfied with himself that he never needed to get his colours from anywhere else, can properly appreciate it, since Yoojin won’t.
At least not until after the birthday party, when he realises with no insignificant horror that the candle he stuffed haphazardly into the tiramisu cake is a glaring pink. He decides not to mention it, possibly ever. By the time a pink haired little boy looks at him with Sung Hyunjae’s face he realises it’s too late. He has made the terrible mistake of falling for Sung Hyunjae. At least he’s as pretty as their son is cute.
The Colour of the Soul | Gen | 1.3k
When Yoojin meets his little brother for the first time, he learns to see warm colours. When Yoohyun leaves, they fade away.
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Izzy Hands can have a little "thinking hes incapable of feeling love" as a treat (for me. the treat is for me)
#thinking about arospec izzy again#who experiences love in a way thats so fundamentally different to the way everyone says it should be#that he convinces himself that this couldnt possibly be it#and hes never felt anything remotely affectionate for any other person anyway#so surely hes incapable of it#(and actually itd be cool if he was. love that)#(but also itd be cool if someone did come along and he had to contend with the idea that he can love. its just different)#(hes never going to experience the kinds of love that stedes stories are about. hes always going to be sudden & intense & uncontrollable)#(something he never considers until he does and then its all he knows. and he doesnt express it right because its not the same)#(but oh boy he loves. oh does he love)#anyway. arospec izzy hands thank you for coming to my tag talk#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#arospec#aromantic#aromantic izzy hands#i suppose this is not exclusive to arospec headcanons but like. abnormal love dude. its so aro to me#(i am aro)#i think its so cool and fun and sexy when characters love in ways that dont look like a fairytale#when its devotion and loyalty and belonging (to someone) but never holding your hand or tender kissing#but always bringing you a cup of tea. knowing what you need before you do#love can be many things in fact#but when you spend a life being told its one thing#wont you think youre incapable? at least for a bit?
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MiqoMarch Day 23 - Midnight
With their intended voyage into the void only a few days out, Arsay thought it the upmost importance that she steal her partner away to Kugane, that they might share one more fond memory together should things not turn out the way they plan in the thirteenth. It was as they crossed the very same bridge the miqo'te had once sat on together two years prior when Arsay gifted Y'shtola with a bracelet matching that of her own. A token of endearment which, Arsay confessed, she would have given to her fellow scion back then, had nerves not gotten the best of her. While their relationship has undoubtedly changed since the initial purchase of the jewellery, the sentiment remained the same. Y'shtola was someone who Arsay loved dearly and she will forever be grateful to have the seeker's life intertwined with her own. No matter where their free spirits took them, they would always hold each other in their hearts. A promise Y'shtola was more than willing to keep. She slipped the the string of beads around her wrist without a second thought. They were never to come off, not even when the two decided to delay their return to Radz-at-Han in favour of a private bath at the dead of night.
#miqomarch#miqomarch 2024#ffxiv#y'shtola rhul#y'shtola x wol#wolshtola#arsay nun lore#arshtola#thanks to nhaneh for the body mod#i had to do some insane fov to get the moon and them in the same shot so sorry for the distortion#forcing arshtola lore into this prompt since idk when Ill ever get around to gposing the actual scene#this is between 6.1 and 6.2!#endwalker patch spoilers#i had the idea that arsay bought the Dai-ryumyaku bracelets from a vendor between 4.3 n 4.4 when shtola is off to the doman enclave#and arsay is like hey wait you should let me show you around kugane on the way over!#a fun friend date that ends with shtola finally accepting she has a crush on arsay and its terminal#and arsay having a single moment where she starts reflecting on feelings & thinks maybe she missed hanging out w/shtola more than she shoul#only to quickly butt that idea out of her head and continue being super normal#arsay notices these matching bracelets with red and purple string and shes like oh they are so cute and they look like#they belong in a pair it would be so sad if they were ever split up unexpectedly#i know ill buy them and give one to shtola wouldnt that be fun!#so she does that and then cant bring herself to give yshtola the damn thing because she starts second guessing herself#so arsay stashes the bracelets away and she started wearing hers later under her glove#fast forward to two years later and arsay finds the other one in one of her bags#and now shes dating yshtola and they are about to go somewhere super dangerous#what better time to tell your gf how much they have always meant to you#and what better way to do it than with a gift and some words spoken from the heart?#it was a little unconventional since arsay didnt really have marriage on the mind but it was a proposal in a sense#WOL posting#Arsay Nun
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and they were singin', bye-bye Miss American Pie // american oldie i think kuwabara unironically listens to
(low effort lyric edit im queueing here in May cos im probably gonna forget it exists otherwise)
#qeued post#for June cos hey pride#the idea of kuwa seeing his friends in a holy almost godly light namely yusuke#and having them all leave unexpectedly#cos before that night at Genkai's i feel like it was solidified in kuwa's brain DESPITE the sidekick complex#DESPITE the fact that he's human and the least powerful member they are still decidedly a team#A team he has a place on. But then all suddenly springing this... YUSUKE springing this departure on him. shatters that belief#yusuke says he'll be back and it seems to make things better but even so kuwabara's face still looks so solemn when he leaves#Likely cos he knows yusuke is just saying shit and doesn't even know if it's possible to come back#this wasn't supposed to be a kuwameshi post it's really not but there's always that undertone when i talk about them so#He just admires them all so much yusuke above all others only to be left behind and that's gotta fuckin hurt#The way we don't see the resolution to this feeling. The lack of belonging the abandonment#next time we see him he's just supposed to be over it but we don't really know if it actually happened#So I like to play with the idea of like . Did he really like healthily accept things or#did he just repress it and deal. Cos like eng dub he tells yusuke ''forget all that stuff I said'' immediately taking back#his harsh words bc it's either stay mad stay upset or quickly forgive and move on cos this could be the last time. or even the jdub#where he doesn't even allow the vulnerability to show enough to trail off he just spouts the normal shit bc it's what they DO he immediatel#tries to get back to the normal dynamic and push himself to being fine with it right now bc he doesn't have the luxury of being upset#when it doesn't matter cos yusuke's leaving. the last thing he hears from him shouldnt be reckless shit he was saying when he lashed out#aka i dont think kuwa's feelings get seriously addressed enough and this episode haunts me cos of that very fact#Im not making any sense. Nico as my witness I swear I was more eloquent yapping to him about it#kuwabara kazuma#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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hey. um. i love him
#O_O i really love him#it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer#by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die#sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day#kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do#using another website just sounds so depressing#im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it#but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation#i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it#and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience#I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it#i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of#the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked#and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons#but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know#in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time#idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what#no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself#and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one
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mmhhgm 2 AM thinking about HRT…………..perhaps my urgency is influenced by the belief that my transness only becomes acceptable after certain parameters are met and that it is in some way inappropriate to present myself as a trans person while being pretransition . something radical about the exposure of the whole process instead of being one of those instagram transes who pop into existence 7 years on T and post top surgery
#i know this is a recent discourse bc of like the attacks on access to transition care#but idk i can’t help but think there is something very radical about#demanding equal treatment and putting the onus on others and not urself#okay yes you can be accepting and respectful of this trans woman who#looks to you like what a woman should look like#but would you have treated her the same 5 years before when she just started E? what about before that if she confided in you#obviously trans medical care is under attack and it is important to protect trans peoples access to it#but so much of the conversation around that seems to revolve around ppl who have access already#and appeals to their acceptability and gender conformity and often capitulation to cis binary standards#what about all the pretransition people being thrown under the bus because#they’re facing barriers to access conflicts or unsafe circumstances#it’s troubling to me to see people who have been on HRT for years claim the only reason some claim to be trans but aren’t on hormones#must just be cowardice in the same breath as they fearfully discuss new barriers to access being put up every day#those things r related actually and if u really want to support access to care u need to acknowledge that#it’s necessary to continue to protect BECAUSE some people don’t have it yet#not to continually try to present those people as some kind of enemy because them not already having it means they’re the enemy of#trans medical care#i suppose my main issue with it is the way pretransition people are really screwed by that kind of talk#just supports the idea that we don’t deserve it that we should have barriers that we don’t belong#as if those are not the very things we are seeking to and need to alleviate#myposts
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Soukoku Angst, ow, angst, ow
If there are any BSD fanfiction writers with no shortage of writing desire, but a shortage of ideas, don’t worry I gotchu, cuz I have the opposite.
The thing with brain rot is everything becomes a fic idea and I can’t stop hurting my feelings with this one.
TW:
Loss of children
As always, feel free to steal my idea, but tag me so I can cry with you <3
Relationship: Soukoku, cis Chuuya, trans Dazai (can also be A/B/O if that’s the universe instead)
The two of them start seeing each other romantically about a year after they join the mafia (though to be clear this is Soukoku, so nothing is ever romantic per say, and that can lend it’s own layer of angst and miscommunication above everything else)
One night Dazai discovers he’s pregnant, and it is a shitshow. His feelings go from completely numb, to furious rage and back again more times than he can count. It’s not just that he doesn’t want this baby -- has never wanted a baby, will never want a baby in this life he’s barely interested in keeping for himself. It’s not just that he’s young, it’s not even just that he’s cursed with a womb that shouldn’t have to bear the responsibility of his sex that his gender should never know... it’s that even if he did want this baby, he felt he didn’t have a choice. He knows he doesn’t have a choice. That in itself is traumatic in its own way, even regardless of his feelings on the matter. He doesn’t have a choice.
He decides to tell Chuuya anyway -- and while a part of him tells him as a last-ditch effort to feel not so fucking alone, a part of him does it out of pure vengeful spite for getting him into this mess in the first place. Sadly, Chuuya reacts exactly how Dazai expected him to. He’s happy. He’s fucking happy. He's already making plans for defecting from the mafia together and running away to hide somewhere Dazai knows can never, ever truly be safe. Dazai cuts him off and tells him he’s not keeping it and watches with a sick sense of justice as visible heartbreak leaves Chuuya broken all over -- even for just a moment -- before he’s yelling, arguing, angry right alongside Dazai but also at Dazai himself. What does he mean he can’t keep it? He doesn’t even want to try? It becomes abundantly clear that Chuuya -- hurt, for many of the same reasons as Dazai -- is fighting just to fight. That’s fine. Dazai can fight. He calls him stupid. Tells him the only reason he wants to keep it is because he doesn't have to carry it. He accuses Chuuya of only wanting to keep this baby in the hopes that it will be the one thing to finally make him feel human for once in his loveless life. He accuses him of martyrdom, of thinking he’s better than Dazai for always taking in the strays. Chuuya accuses Dazai of not having a heart. They scream and yell and sob and plead until Dazai’s cold indifference and spite has grown tired and warm, and Chuuya’s red-hot rage has dulled to ice with helplessness.
“Chuuya,” Dazai begins, realizing there was nothing left to do once they had both screamed and cried themselves sick for three lifetimes, “do you really want to be responsible for when the mafia finds the three of us alive?” Chuuya nearly throws up.
So Dazai goes to the doctor, and the two of them carry on as if nothing ever happened. Only now there’s hatred slowly seeping beneath their skin. They continue to see each other as they had been, only now any love (in however many words) there once may have been just beginning to bloom between them in the midst of brand new feelings has been crushed to dust, and there is almost a repulsion alongside the attraction now -- the two of them hate-fucking whenever one got on the others nerves enough, any semblance of true care for one another long gone alongside the trauma they both simply pushed out of sight, never to resolve.
And it happens again. And again. And it keeps on happening, never any less clinical and cold than that very first time. He tells Chuuya every time -- sometimes beforehand, sometimes after, just to let him know he’d been too late. Sometimes he wants someone to share in his grief with, mostly he just to be cruel. He resents Chuuya for doing this to him. (He knows it’s not all Chuuya’s fault). He wonders if he’s doing it on purpose -- waiting for that fateful day he puts a baby in him his cold heart is willing to keep. (He knows he only wishes that were true, so it meant Chuuya would care about what was happening to him, over and over again). Chuuya stops trying to convince him to run away with him after the third time, simply nodding numbly and grabbing him by the throat for a kiss they both pretended wasn’t salty with tears.
Once day, upon hearing the news “it happened again”, Chuuya nods numbly -- but instead of paying Dazai any mind in return, eventually, he just... goes back to work.
They’re too young for all of it.
Dazai never stops threatening suicide, and even attempts are starting to be met with indifference, like nothing is shocking anymore. Dazai absently wonders if Chuuya would care if he were gone completely.
One day, he is, but not because he’s died. The day Dazai leaves the port mafia, he sets a bomb under Chuuya’s car and leaves. He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t reach out. He does nothing. He doesn’t doubt Chuuya has tried to find him. He wonders if Chuuya thinks Dazai has finally done it -- decided to escape for a parasite that was supposed to grow up and love him. He wonders if that would break Chuuya’s heart like he hopes it would. He misses him. He hopes the not knowing hurts worse for Chuuya than it does for him.
Chuuya has never stopped grieving. As much as he’s kept it to himself, every loss hurt him more than the last. He knows it didn’t seem that way -- years of watching Dazai had lent him all of the examples he needed to create a perfectly crafted mask that hid his humanity the same way that demon seemed to always hide his. Chuuya wonders if maybe he never had any to begin with. Dazai leaving him nearly kills him, and he hoped Dazai rotted away wherever he was, no doubt waiting for Chuuya to look all over the city to find him. He would never look. He decided not to miss him.
Years later Chuuya gets word that Dazai is alive, and in Yokohama. He’s a part of a rival organization, no doubt, and to be brought in for execution. Chuuya feels like he’s seeing a ghost as the executive waltzes down the stairs to meet face-to-face with the ex-executive. He’s filled with such rage and betrayal he doesn’t even have the decency to pretend he hadn’t choked down his bile in favor of spitting in his face.
As the two of them become partners again, they reconnect in more ways than one. They talk, they process, they spend hours up for several hours into the early morning over glasses of wine and whiskey finally processing their trauma, together. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s a start.
One night, in the familiarity of Chuuya’s apartment, resentment melts away enough to give way to the guarded heart of love underneath. The two of them do just that: make love, in a way neither of them had ever experienced in their entire lives. It’s beautiful, and confusing, and there is more left unsaid than there is said, but this time neither can resent the other for that.
They do, though, when it happens again. This time -- years older, with a safe, stable job, far enough from the mafia to never be used as a pawn in their games again, yet close enough to remain protected by both them and the ADA... Dazai decides his choice has changed. He is living in the light, where it can be safe to make a different choice: fighting for the good guys, saving the orphans, and doing everything he’d promised Odasaku he would to be on the side that saves people. But he also realizes that no matter what, this baby his half Chuuya, which means it’s still half mafia. As much as things have changed since he was a teen, that still has not.
He does tell Chuuya though. It’s a different conversation than it used to be. Chuuya still offers to run away together, but it’s softer now, like he knows what the answer will be. Even amidst his shock that Dazai is finally keeping this one, he is not surprised to hear he is not allowed to. This time, he cries. Dazai cries with him. They barely even realize what they’re really saying is goodbye. Even if Chuuya stays far away from them, there is no denying that any mafia knowledge about this at all will result in tragedy once a hard card needs to be dealt.
So, Dazai leaves once more. He leaves Yokohama completely. Only his closest friends know he hasn’t gone very far, but Chuuya is not among them. For all Chuuya knows, Dazai has left for another country, once again leaving Chuuya with only the parade of little ghosts that have followed him around mafia halls ever since he was sixteen.
Edit: optional happy ending borderline crack ending below the cut
This literally sounds like a totally separate fic (maybe a fluff sequel to the angst prequel) but I decided the second half of the fic could be Chuuya defects from the mafia and goes on a mission to find Osamu.
But this would be years later -- he and Akutagawa planned a coup, and successfully had Aku *almost* kill Mori, instead giving him the choice to be killed or step down. Turns out Mori is a coward, who tf knew.
Aku is the new Mafia boss, and he didn’t even have to kill to do it, keeping his promise to Atsushi even all these years later xx
Anyway, Chuuya spends months looking everywhere for Dazai, and it’s only when he and Aku are able to convince Atsushi that it is completely safe, that the weretiger helps him out. He convinces Dazai to let Atsushi tell Chuuya where he is. Chuuya is too happy to be embarrassed that he couldn’t find the mastermind on his own.
Cue chapters and chapters of fluff of trying to win back not only Dazai’s affection, but that of a little toddler who was taught to never trust a stranger. Adorable.
Cue healing talks and Dazai apologizing for being so cruel, admitting he purposefully hurt Chuuya with the way he spoke to him back then, and how if he’s honest with himself he never even regretted it. But he does now.
Cue Chuuya telling Dazai he knew. He knew it was all a cover for how hurt Dazai was feeling. And he never let it cut him too deeply for too long because of that. How he understands, how he understood, even then. How it’s not right, and it’s not okay, but it is fine, now.
Eventual happy family neither of them ever dreamed they would grow up to want, but now can’t imagine being without. Cue hilarious comedy antics babysitting with Uncles Atsushi and Ryuu, or Ranpo and Ed, or the way more capable Kunikida, Gin, Higuchi, Yosano, or Kyouyou -- basically a big happy family in a world where the alliance between port mafia and ADA is unshakable, all because of a little child with red hair and their father’s eyes.
EDIT AGAIN: MAYBE ADD ANGST BACK INTO ACT III BY HAVING THE CHILD KIDNAPPED ANYWAY DESPITE LITERALLY EVERYBODY’S BEST EFFORTS??? HAVE AN AWESOME SHOWDOWN WITH LITERALLY EVERYBODY ON THIS KID’S SIDE AND THE ENEMY NEVER HAVING A CHANCE?? WITH A SAPPY ENDING??????
#well well well look what turned into somewhat of a full fic after all#the writing style gets more and more unhinged with each added edit#still super open to someone writing a full fic#maybe with a happy ending#maybe in the end Chuuya defects from the mafia after all#meets Dazai and their child and move to France to have a happy life#I can only hope#update after the edit#I wrote that happy ending sequel thing idea and its like it belongs to a totally differnetfic but I kind of love it#bsd fanfic#soukoku fanfiction#the way I wrote this made if sound like Dazai was heartless#but he was actually hurting more than anyone can comprehend which is why he acted the way he did#soukoku#I made it sound like it happened thousands of times#but it was probably more like 5 over the course of 3 years#which is plenty heartbreaking#chuuya nakahara#Dazai Osamu#bsd angst#soukoku angst#the port mafia must have shit sex education my god
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had a dream i was in an a24 film with eric bogosian, léa seydoux and andrew garfield
#it was so good#there was a moment with eric’s character in a giant dark room of sand (lol u can tell what that was loosely inspired by) - me/léa in a dingy#bathroom looking in the mirror (i think there was like… some element of shapeshifting to the story) and examining faded scars on our cheeks/#neck that were shaped like gills - and there was some scene with her/me sitting on a couch with andrew’s character sitting on the backrest?#and then also me squeezing a pimple on my face lmao but that may have been that dream starting to morph into another one#it was a weird pimple like the pus was ~mysterious~ and weird and it bled a lot after so#dont remember any dialogue or actual plot - just these images#but there was a voiceover line of someone who i dont remember saying about one of us something like ’’they (dont) belong on the boat’’ but i#dont remember which way it was. and you kind of got the vague idea that at least the sand room was on a boat (no clue what kind) in space (i#dk where)#love love love my imagination and photorealistic mind’s eye#it talks#and the vibe felt very under the silver lake from what i remember of that one. never finished it. but like mystery plus the slightest abstra#ct hint of some kind of fantasy/scifi in there)
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I've been thinking about Laios' succubus lately. Mulling it over a bit.
Because I've seen these pages brought up a fair bit, but almost entirely in the context of shipping (on all sides, really). And I really want to understand what they are doing for the story beyond that.
When I went back to reread the scene and section, a few things caught my interest: the way Laios responds to both forms of his succubus, the themes of the volume the chapter is found in, and the other events of the chapter itself.
So let's dive into those three things, and what I think they say about the succubus scene's purpose.
Laios is never fully frozen by the succubus
So. If you compare Marcille and Chilchuck's reactions...
to Laios':
-
There is a difference. Sure, the basics may look the same once it turns into Scylla Marcille, but even then, it functions differently.
Chilchuck and Marcille are completely frozen once they catch sight of their succubus. Izutsumi, as well, isn't able to look away, and completely freezes up once her 'mom' starts talking to her. As Chilchuck describes, "just looking at them makes you unable to move."
And yet, Scylla Marcille has to actively convince Laios to comply. He even looks away from her at one point!
Laios accepts this succubus, but he is never actually helpless to it in the same way. Taken in? Convinced? Sure, at least enough to let things happen that he probably should question more than he does. But magically compelled? Not really. Not the same way as everyone else is. So that's interesting. But let's move on for now.
2. Volume 9 is all about drive and desire
I don't often look at chapters within the context of the volume they are included in, but I think there's some really fun things to be found with that perspective in mind.
For one, volume 9 starts with an exploration of what desire brought Laios to the dungeon:
And ends with a question of what desire brought Laios to the dungeon:
It's also very concerned in general with questions of why people do what they do. Why they are in the dungeon, why they are with the people they are with, why they stay, what they fight for.
In addition to Laios, we see it with Marcille...
Izutsumi
Kabru
and Mithrun
Hell, we even get it for the demon!
It's certainly not the only volume concerned with desires and motives, but it is particularly focused on these ideas.
The succubus scene fits quite well into the ongoing question about desires, especially Laios' desires. It is even placed at an interesting spot within the volume. The volume is six chapters long, and the scene takes place at the start of the 4th chapter. It's almost smack-dab in the middle.
With all this in mind, it is interesting that, with both versions of the succubus Marcille, it's not totally clear which parts of her Laios is rejecting.
The first version of Marcille looks human, but Laios attacks when he identifies her as a monster. The second Marcille looks like a monster, but he seems to believe that she is the real (human)(ish) person that he knows. So is he rejecting the monster at first, and then accepting the person? Or is he rejecting humanity and only interested in the monstrous?
Something to consider as we look at the next point...
3. the rest of the chapter is a seduction, too
This is one of those things that might not be apparent on a first reading, but is crystal clear on a revisit. We see the succubus try and charm Laios over 7 pages, and then see the Winged Lion do the same thing for the next 19.
Much like the succubus, it offers the mingling of monsters and humans. Much like the succubus, it offers belonging.
(and this is the point where I absolutely must also link this post by fumifooms on the succubus, which has some great ideas on how the scene is informed by Laios' trauma and desire for acceptance!!!)
But, back to the point. The Winged Lion wants to feed on Laios just as much as the succubus did, and it uses similar strategies to try and make that happen. Though this chapter isn't really the turning point for the next Lord of the Dungeon (it is Marcille who will, eventually, become the Lion's next victim), it certainly behaves like it is.
Laios is convinced. The succubus gets its meal. By the end of the volume, the reader begins to understand how concerning his desires are. Together, it is all very good at building up that sense of dread and pending disaster, as we see exactly how and why Laios might just fall into the Lion's open arms and bring about the end of the world.
-
So that's the three things I noticed. But there's still something I want to touch on by looking at the way these observations overlap, and what they reveal, together.
As I said, by the end of the volume, you can feel the tension growing. Just as Kabru and Mithrun do, you look back for an answer to the questions that have been built, chapter by chapter: why is Laios here? Where will his loyalties fall? This chapter, and scene, seem to prove the inevitable truth: he will choose the monster, of course. He will choose the seductive, easy power of the Winged Lion.
But the details of what actually happens tell different story: one in which the Lion is wrong.
First, as a reminder - even in Scylla Marcille mode, the succubus never fully entrances Laios. It convinces him, but it doesn't have him completely under its thrall.
Similarly, in the dream, the Lion does convince Laios to embrace the world he is offering. But even within that dream, Laios continues to ask questions that will be vital to him later. It is because of those questions that Laios comes to a new understanding about Thistle.
And it's this realization that he cites later as part of his reason for refusing the Lion's offer.
He is thinking through things the entire time, just like he continues to question the succubus even after it turns into Scylla Marcille.
Laios also expresses an interesting reason for why he wants to see the future of this world. He's not just invested because it would mean people liking what he likes, or him getting to spend time with monsters. The thought that comes immediately before his acceptance is about what he wants for monsters and people.
I don't think it's a coincidence that this statement - "we're living beings that share the same world, but all we can do is keep killing each other" - can apply to the various humans races just as much as it does to humans and monsters. The thing he is thinking about here isn't just a matter of his personal daydreams. It's an idea that underpins every conflict in the story.
Laios caring about how people as well as monsters in this manner is something that the Lion gets wrong every time. Even at the end, he still frames Laios' desires entirely around hating people and loving monsters.
The Lion has heard him express an opinion about the future of the world! It happened right there in the dream, right in front of him! He just didn't take it seriously, and didn't view it through any lens other than "Laios likes monsters more".
He's convinced that he understands how to get to Laios. Maybe the Lion can't truly see everything, or maybe his vision into everyone's deepest desires has made it hard for him to realize how much choice still matters. That people can, and do, choose which desires to act on, and how to act on them.
Whatever the case, he's wrong about Laios, and the story shows us this over and over again.
After all, look at how the succubus interaction plays out:
A monster uses Marcille to appeal to Laios...
He realizes that something about the situation is wrong, and rejects her.
It changes strategies, and makes new offer: to turn him into a monster.
It also assures him that his friends are, or will be, taken care of.
He accepts. Or rather, allows the monster to have its way with him.
But Laios is not as helpless as he initially appears, and what the Lion thinks is a successful seduction also contains the seed of an idea that will allow Laios to later resist him.
We even get to see Izutsumi playing a similar role in both instances, as the one person fully able to take action in the face to the illusion.
The story lays out what is going happen, and then explicitly tells us that the demon and the succubus are thematically related.
The chapter performs a great sleight of hand here - everything about it seems to indicate that Laios is doomed give in to the option to have his deepest desires realized. But if you look closer, it also contains the evidence that he won't. There's a lot more going on for him.
Yes, he still falls for obvious tricks. He is still extremely into monsters, and he still doesn't feel like he fits in with other people. He may, deep down, crave to surrender to the monstrous - to let it absorb him. But he questions more than he seems to. He considers more than people realize. He cares so much more than anyone gives him credit for.
And I think this is part of why we see the succubus called back to so many times, especially with the wolf head addition to his Monster Form, which he specifically added due to his encounter with the Scylla Marcille.
This all stays with Laios. It doesn't just foreshadow the path of the story, it is fundamental to how and why he walks that path. It's not about him choosing monsters, and it's not about him choosing people. It's about how he considers both, and cares about both.
And it's about the forces that think they already know his answer. Mithrun and Kabru. The Winged Lion. The succubus.
It's about how they are wrong.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi spoilers#laios touden#winged lion#dunmeshi analysis
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I am never going to complain about Greek Duolingo again
I mean, I am. But still.
So, as some of you know, my family has been coming to this tiny Greek seaside village for several years. Just over a week ago I came out here with my mum, under the impression that early September, after the height of the summer heat, would be a good time to have a holiday. ANYWAY Storm Daniel had other ideas about that. Locally things are improving (I'm actually really pissed off about the disaster-porn tone of most English-language media coverage, but that's another post). The power is back on, there's running water most of the time, and though the latter is not drinkable, a truck from the government came and handled out free bottled water yesterday. But we are currently kind of stuck. Can't do tourist things. Can't go home. There aren't any local flights out until Saturday and the road to Thessaloniki is still closed.
So this evening, feeling kind of aimless and depressed, I go down to the nearest beach with a couple of binbags and start cleaning up in an effort to at least do something positive. I always try to do this at least once out here and obviously, after the storm, there's a lot more plastic and rubbish than usual.
At some point I find this large, round bit of metal - some kind of machinery part, I think -- that's too big for the bag, so I take it to the bins on its own, leaving the rubbish bag on the beach. And when I come back for it, something among the stones beside it moves.
Specifically, it pulls its head sharply inside its shell
So, meanwhile I've been trying to learn some Greek with the help of Duolingo.
I currently have a 33-day streak and... I have questions. Shouldn't I be able to use the past or future tenses by now? Shouldn't I be able to say "x is like y"? I can't do those things. But one thing I absolutely can say all day long is έχω μια χελώνα : I have a turtle.
This is far from the limit of Duolingo Greek's turtle-related content. "An obsession with turtles" is my mother's characterisation. I can inform you that the turtle is not a bird, and, improbably, that the turtle is drinking milk. I can introduce you to a turtle in company with a horse and an elephant. As far as Duolingo is concerned, it really is turtles all the way down.
Now this, you may be able to see, is not a turtle. It has claws rather than flippers. It is a tortoise. I know there are wild tortoises in Greece: my aunt once rescued a pair of them shagging in the middle of the road -- but that was up in the mountains. I've even seen one myself, but it was also on a road and very dead.
I am 95% certain they don't belong on beaches. There's nothing for it to eat, except, unfortunately, a lot of plastic. Even if it gets off the beach it will immediately find itself on a road where it could get hit by a car. I'm pretty sure it must have been washed down by the floodwater and has been just sitting there, dazed, ever since.
Now obviously the first thing I want to do on encountering this unusual animal is to go and tell my mummy, so I do. The tortoise immediately brightens her day. She agrees that the tortoise is not happy on the beach and needs to be taken somewhere safe. it gets surprisingly wriggly when picked up so we put it in a carrier bag with some grapes and cucumber and go looking for somewhere to rehome it.
We find a path leading up between the houses towards a likely-looking field, but before we get very far a dog in a yard goes berserk and a man's head pops over a fence and demands to know what we're doing. He does this in English, as evidently we're just that obviously tourists.
"I found a tortoise on the beach!" I explain. "We want to find somewhere to put it."
"A what," he asks.
"It's like a, you know," I begin and then to my astonishment I find myself saying... "μια χελώνα"
"Oh! A turtle!" he says.
"But from the land. δεν είναι χελώνα", [it is not a turtle,] I say, as I am worried he will tell me to put it back near the sea where I found it. As it turns out it actually IS a χελώνα, Greek does not distinguish between turtles and tortoises, but I don't know that; I can't even name the days of the week or identify any colours other than pink yet, give me a break.
The man's entire demeanour changes and thaws. He does not worry about my turtle-that-is-not-a-turtle conundrum. He knows where οι χελώνες come from and where η χελώνα μας belongs. He leads us through a gate into a courtyard area.
"[somethingsomething] μια χελώνα," he explains to the assembled onlookers, of whom there are, suddenly, a surprising number.
"ΜΙΑ ΧΕΛΩΝΑ!!!" crows the throng of delighted small children, who are, suddenly, everywhere.
"μια χελώνα!" I agree, accepting that at least for current purposes, that is what it is.
"Μπορούμε να δούμε τη χελώνα σας; [can we see your turtle?]" asks an adorable little girl, shyly, and I understand??
The children fucking love looking at the χελώνα and showing it to them is kind of magical?
I finally put the tortoise down on the grass of this wild area off to the side of the courtyard, and marvel aloud that it is weird that I barely know any Greek except how to say μια χελώνα.
"I think she will soon run off," a kind lady called Aspasia assures me, seeing I remain slightly anxious about its fate. "I don't know why I'm saying 'she'. I suppose because χελώνα is feminine in Greek."
"Yes! I know that!" I exclaim, thrilled.
"Well done!" she says. And also she asks if we are OK for drinking water after the storm and if we need any help with anything and is just generally incredibly lovely and now we know more of the neighbours!
So "μια χελώνα" has just become, by a long way, my most-used and most understood and all-around most conversationally successful phrase in Greek. So I guess I have to admit I was wrong to doubt Duolingo's wisdom: it is correct to be obsessed with turtles. And I concede that prior to learning how to count to ten or to distinguish right from left, the simple ability to yell the word TURTLE over and over again is, it turns out, a crucial element of the responsible traveller's social skills.
(I am pretty fluent in Italian and turtles haven't come up in conversation even once?)
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AU where there's no system (or a decidedly less restrictive one) and Shen Yuan transmigrates into an OC rogue cultivator before the start of the novel, and decides he's gonna steal the protagonist before Luo Binghe even gets to Cang Qiong.
The logic is sound -- he'll keep Luo Binghe from experiencing neglect and abuse at Shen Qingqiu's hands, raise him away from the pressure of the sects and the likelihood that anyone else might find out about his heritage and try to harm him over it, keep him fully away from the Immortal Alliance Conference, and then Luo Binghe's course will change trajectory because he'll have no reason to want revenge against the world and no access to Xin Mo. Shen Yuan will be able to spare Luo Binghe some suffering and possibly survive in a world less subject to the harrowing whims of a half-mad tyrannical overlord. Win-win!
However, the tricky bit is that he's not sure exactly how far ahead of the novel he is, and also Airplane didn't specify where Luo Binghe grew up. This means that Luo Binghe could be any age younger than twelve and in any number of places along or near to the Luo river.
Shen Yuan decides he's going to approach this by pretending he is looking for the long-lost son of his sister, traveling through the likeliest areas, asking after abandoned children who might fit the protagonist's description. It's a long shot, he knows, and he's mostly relying on the existence of Narrative Destiny. But eventually he is directed by several people towards a particular city, which is not as close to the river as he'd have expected Luo Binghe to grow up, but then again he only knows that was where baby Binghe was found, not where the washerwoman who took him in ultimately lived.
It becomes clear to him, though, that he's been sent to the wrong target. But also why he's been sent astray is apparent in nearly the same breath, because among the slave children living in this area is a little boy who could be his much younger clone.
Seriously, this kid looks just like him! Or, well, close enough. He looks a lot like Shen Yuan's actual nieces and nephews from his past life. It's uncanny.
Also, because of his search, the slave kids get wind of what he's looking for (his long-lost nephew) pretty quick. The boy with the obvious resemblance to him greets Shen Yuan's own assessment with wary cynicism, but he's just a little boy. So it's not difficult to notice the way he's also practically vibrating with hopefulness, half-hiding behind a protective older kid and looking at Shen Yuan with big dark eyes like he expects to be rescued or destroyed with whatever he has to say next.
Shen Yuan has a big problem now. He just knows that if he says something like "actually no this boy is too old to be my nephew" or whatever other excuse, no one will believe him, and also this poor kid is going to be permanently scarred by it. He's going to think Shen Yuan is lying just so that he can reject him. On top of that, he's not in a good situation here. None of these children are even remotely well cared-for.
Shen Yuan's rogue cultivator self isn't rich on the level of being like a wealthy sect leader or anything, but he's made some money since transmigrating by doing random cultivator jobs and quests along the way here. He uses it all to purchase two little slave boys (Do Not Separate), then takes another job and uses that coin to acquire a somewhat rundown manor which used to belong to the local gentry. The Qiu family (rings some bells but that's not exactly an uncommon name) kept it up for a while in case a branch family sprung up in need of a residence, but they've been in decline and the place is downright decrepit, so they had been looking to sell it instead. It's too big for a wandering bachelor like SY to ever need on his own account, but that's sort of the idea. He makes more money taking on cultivator work, at first taking his boys along with him for lack of any alternative. Nerve-wrackingly dangerous! Eventually he hires workers to start restoring the manor, particularly setting up a yard to be a school area, and then starts taking on any freelance jobs he can get in order to steadily buy out the contracts on all the other kids. He gets it nice enough to house and care for as many orphans as he can acquire.
Not because he's a big old softie though!
His story of looking for his nephew is a bust now, since he's apparently "found" the kid. So he's got to change tactics! If he can't find baby Binghe and the washerwoman, the next best approach is to create an opportunity for them to come to him. So once he's got his new household established, he starts offering free lessons to all the local kids. Not just the ones he's taken in, but also any who come by and want to learn some things. It's a tempting setup for anyone who wants their child to get education but can't afford a tutor, and Luo Binghe's mother had been entirely the sort of person who would have packed up and left her situation if there had been an opportunity for it.
On that note, SY also starts hiring single mothers to help look after his new gaggle of children and do the work he doesn't know how to do in these times, like keeping house, laundry, cooking, actually raising kids, etc.
His "little school" is not universally popular. A few groups try and ruin him, because the poverty in the region provides a basis of business for them. The ringleaders of the human traffickers in the area don't want their trade to dry up, even if it means selling all of their merchandise for this round, so when they find out that their underlings let Shen Yuan buy off all the kids they try and intimidate him into returning them (it doesn't go well for them). The Qiu family also isn't thrilled after it becomes clear what he's doing, and get him investigated by the local authorities (read: use their bribed officials and local goons to try and interfere.)
When that doesn't work either the sects get involved, because the Qiu go crying to Huan Hua Palace that Shen Yuan is sketchy and is trying to establish his own sect. So Shen Yuan talks his way around the matter, and frankly the Qiu are small fish even if they're the biggest ones in the local pond, so HHP doesn't care to pursue things much further. (Read: SY could mop the floor with the disciples they sent to investigate him, and it's not worth it to piss off someone this mysterious and powerful just to bully some impoverished children.)
Shen Yuan is appalled by all this bullshit though. Trust the world of PIDW to make it so hard just for a guy to teach some poor kids how to read and do math!
It makes him dig in his heels about it, because he is at heart a stubborn bastard. The fires that once fueled a thousand angry screeds on zhongdian literature site is now aimed at the local magistrate. One of the women he's hired on has some dirt on the Qiu family, which leads SY to dig up some more until he eventually has enough to turn the tables on them. Local officials won't investigate because they've all been bought, but that in and of itself is of some interest to their superiors closer to the palace, and so SY arranges an investigation of his own that goes way further than he thought? Turns out there are some ugly skeletons in the Qiu closets, and the imperial investigator comes down on them hard.
Well, he can't say they didn't have it coming? Though he does feel bad for the children in the family, especially the oldest son, who gets hauled off to jail along with his father. At least the girl is sent to live with relatives. Maybe he should have done more to shield the minors in the situation...?
His kids tell him not to worry about it, though, that apparently young master Qiu was known to run people down in the streets and beat his servants and do other cartoonishly awful things. SY's not sure how much of it is true and how much of it is his little flock of fluffy sheep trying to ease his conscience, though they do all seem to take a lot of vindictive delight in the whole affair. Especially Nephew, who clings to his sleeves and loudly declares that the investigator should have publicly flogged the discredited nobles so that everyone could go watch, and then begs him for sweets as if that wasn't a creepy thing to hear come out of an eight-year-old's mouth. SY just sighs and tells him he can have something good when he finishes his calligraphy practice.
Of course, it's not exactly easy running what is basically an orphanage-slash-school (and maybe a budding sect...?), especially when pretty much all of the kids have been traumatized and faced stuff like rampant dehumanization, food insecurity, abuse, and neglect. Hiring single mothers soon becomes not only a plan to try and lure in Luo Binghe's mom, but an absolute godsend of an idea because SY has no clue WHAT he would do on his own about the discipline issues or emotional breakdowns or acting out that some of the kids get up to once it registers that they're in a safe enough place to unpack their baggage.
Apart from Nephew, SY's favorite kid is the one who came with him, the oldest of the flock of former slave children. He's the big brother of the group, the one who tries his best to look after the others and to not make any trouble himself. But even poor Little Yue is still just a kid who has been through too much, and he also eventually starts having some meltdowns and struggles with processing everything that has happened to him as a vulnerable child in an unkind world.
SY really didn't mean to start a trauma center for mistreated children!
Though, that's still not necessarily a bad thing for Luo Binghe to one day come across, provided he ever actually shows up...
Eventually, Shen Yuan does figure out that he must be ahead even of Luo Binghe's birth, though he still doesn't put together that he's interfered in the scum villain's backstory. Probably something even more amusingly obscure, like the creation year of some random artifact Luo Binghe used in some wife plot or other, tips him off and he mentally throws his hands up in the air. He's got to wait DECADES? Maybe he ought to try and find Luo Binghe's biological parents and just follow them around at this point!
Not that he can, now, though, because he has to make sure no negative IQ villains (who will probably just be cannon fodder for a subplot one day) decide to send goons to literally burn down his orphanage. Also if he's gone for too long his kids get upset. Probably because no one else is as weak to their puppy dog eyes and pleas for treats and toys as he is.
At least it gives him time to shore up his position, and train Nephew and Little Yue more extensively in cultivation. Despite his initial assurances to HHP that he was but a humble orphan wrangler who was only incidentally a cultivator, Shen Yuan does also teach the other kids some basic cultivation exercises. There are a few reasons for that.
One is just the principle of the thing. No, these kids don't all have the potential to become great immortals or anything, but they can still learn some of it and it's good for their health if they do. The only trouble is if they try and push too hard or attempt things beyond their range, and that's a risk with everyone who cultivates. Or even just exercises!
Another reason is that it helps stave off the jealousy that some of the kids have towards those with more cultivation potential. Teaching a lot of the basics all around makes it into just another topic at school. Some kids might not be as good at it as others, but those kids might also be better at math, or memorization, or board games, and while cultivation can open more doors to people as adults, for the children this is generally enough to satisfy their sense of fairness. Or at least reduce outbursts and fights.
Finally, the impression that any of SY's kids might be a cultivator also makes wicked people more reluctant to try and abduct or interfere with them. Cultivators are revered and nearly mythological figures in the public consciousness. It isn't difficult to see why, if even a rogue cultivator NPC like SY* can mop the floor with most random muggers (*Shen Yuan is not a normal rogue cultivator). Not many people want to risk bringing SY's ire down on them, but of those who might chance it if he wasn't around to immediately react, even fewer want to risk that the kids themselves could kick their asses.
Not knowing that only two of the orphans probably could in fact mop the floor with them helps keep all the rest safer, and is more believable when all of them can conduct themselves enough like disciples to fool anyone who doesn't know what to really look for.
Developments that surprise Shen Yuan but wouldn't surprise anyone else who is paying attention:
People start leaving unwanted babies and younger children on his doorstep. Not all the time, but more than once has he had to frantically find wet nurses and worry that he's changed things enough that some fishermen might just randomly drop the protagonist outside his gate, and he wouldn't even know because Binghe would be a literal infant??
Nephew (SJ) and Little Yue (Yue Qi -- only Shen Yuan calls him "Little", especially when he gets taller than SY by the time he's sixteen) are prodigies who get really good at cultivation, really fast, and between that and Shen Yuan's OP skills they completely warp Shen Yuan's ideas for what normal cultivation potential looks like. This would probably cause more problems if he wasn't teaching all the kids how to cultivate anyway, but means his students actually do kinda run the usual range of skills for a small sect.
SJ and YQ swiftly reach the point where they need more advanced equipment than just SY's teaching can provide, if they're going to keep building their skills. Gaining access to certain tools, aids, and materials (like spiritual swords) is a real hurdle though, and usually is for rogue cultivators (one of the major disadvantages of no sect affiliation.) Shen Yuan is hesitant to use stuff from the plot, since it's For Binghe, but he eventually caves and starts going after some things that he doesn't think the future protagonist will miss much. He also ends up buying stuff from HHP, since they're willing to sell things like spiritual tools and weapons if the price is right, whereas most other sects like Cang Qiong reserve them for members only.
They get an invitation to the Immortal Alliance Conference. Not the one where the Abyss opens up, obviously, the one where (originally) Shen Jiu reunited with Yue Qi and killed Wu Yanzi. Shen Yuan debates on going but the boys really want to, and things have calmed down enough that no one's trying to burn down the school whenever he leaves these days, so eventually he figures it'll be interesting to see some of the Cang Qiong characters and should be safe enough if he keeps his disciples close.
They don't run into young Yue Qingyuan or Shen Qingqiu on the trip, but Wu Yanzi does show up and get killed, and SY only hears about it and assumes they just missed all that action. (WYZ just got caught by some senior cultivators who recognized him and killed him to avenge some disciples he murdered.) Nephew and Little Yue do meet young Liu Qingge, Shang Qinghua, Mu Qingfang, and Su Xiyan though! Which gives Shen Yuan the opportunity to tell them all (mostly Su Xiyan) that if they're ever in trouble near his school, they can come to him for help. Hint hint.
This open invitation ends up being accepted broadly by a lot of traveling cultivators after the conference, who from then on treat Shen Yuan's school like a free motel whenever they're passing through. Plenty aren't even people SY met, but it seems his statement was taken as a general one to fellow righteous cultivators all around! Luckily, this has some advantages. Shen Yuan has no qualms running off anyone who tries to take unfair advantage of him or especially his kids or staff, and no shame in conscripting anyone who is decent enough to help teach his students, even if it's nothing to do with cultivating, and somehow word gets around and people start bringing school supplies, medicine, food, or other useful things along with them as gifts to help repay the hospitality. Young Liu Qingge comes by a lot on his way to and from various quests, or even seems to just turn up randomly sometimes (he comes to challenge YQ and SJ to fights), and SY's just like "I guess this is happening now" and teaches him to recognize the early signs of qi deviation and advises strongly against meditating in caves.
At one point a young Shang Qinghua turns up in one of the spare rooms, very obviously hiding an ice demon. Shen Yuan again is just like "I guess this is happening now" and shelters them until Mobei Jun has recovered, and sends a message to Cang Qiong that one of their An Ding caravans was attacked and their disciple is recovering under his roof but isn't well enough to travel yet. Much less stressful situation for Airplane (who is desperately trying to figure out what he did to manifest SJ's benevolent uncle from somewhere???)
Su Xiyan seems like the only person they met at the Immortal Alliance Conference who doesn't turn up at their door in a state of emergency at some point.
A few years later, there is a big scandal involving her and the demon emperor. Su Xiyan disappears, Huan Hua Palace accuses Tianlang Jun of plotting against the righteous sects, and Shen Yuan is even invited to the meeting where they try and rally everyone to go kill Binghe's dad. Naturally, he declines to participate in the witch hunt, but the major sects agree to it. By luck (or narrative fortune) Shen Yuan comes across Zhuzhi Lang on his trip back home, and mentions the ambush and his distaste for it (not knowing who ZZL is). ZZL warns Tianlang Jun and the confrontation goes very differently, especially since there's no Yue Qingyuan wielding Xuan Su.
It doesn't go well for the sects involved. Huan Hua Palace gets decimated. The Old Palace Master gets killed. Shen Yuan is like uhhhh that's... whoops? Didn't Luo Binghe need that in the future?? Fuck.
But the sect isn't wiped out completely, they just take a massive beating. Some of their younger disciples end up leaving and turning up on Shen Yuan's doorstep, for some reason. The manor house is becoming too small to account for all of these foundlings! They have to expand. Though the expansions would be a stretch to term a "palace" they end up occupying a much larger chunk of territory, and even investing in farmland and some storehouses to help support the sect. That's still not really a sect, of course. Even if a lot of the business that would have normally gone to Huan Hua Palace starts coming to them instead. Once HHP is back on its feet the stream will probably dry out. Probably?
Zhuzhi Lang starts hanging around. He's actually looking for Su Xiyan or their baby, dead or alive and per Tianlang Jun's instructions, but he uses Shen Yuan's school as base camp for his kind of hopeless efforts to find any traces of them, while also looking for ways to try and repay Shen Yuan. All the kids are just like "oh great, another weird man has fallen in love with Shizun -- someone go run interference" about it.
Some years later, an older woman and her young son turn up. Shen Yuan's off on a quest at the time, so SJ receives them. As is standard procedure he gives the woman a job and places the boy in classes, after giving him the aptitude tests. The kid is cute and precocious, so SJ uses him to distract YQ while he himself sneaks out to go join LQG on a monster hunt (and claim the valuable parts of the beast's remains for himself), and neither SY nor ZZL notice anything until SY's going over the paperwork for stuff he missed while he was gone. Since he procrastinated, it takes him like a week to find out that Luo Binghe is finally under his roof. He's going over the admission form right when SJ arrives with The New Adorable Child to try and distract SY enough that SY will let him go on a solo hunt -- as far as being distracted goes, it is way more effective than even SJ anticipated.
Then he has to figure out how to let ZZL know, so that ZZL can let Tianlang Jun know, so that Luo Binghe will have more family than just his mom and more resources than just a shabby little not-sect! But even once he figures it out and sets up the dramatic reveal, TLJ is just like "great! so can he just stay with you? he's probably fine there" which... irritates SY.
SJ fully conscripts Luo Binghe as a minion in his many cons. He never lost his street kid conman tactics, although he now uses them less as a ruthless survival tool or weapon and more to just get things to go his own way. LBH has the face and disposition of a little angel, which SJ no longer can pull off as a full grown adult, so he fills a gap. LBH also knows full well what's going, especially since a lot of SJ's tactics involve throwing LBH at SY like a smoke bomb.
Luo Binghe inevitably still develops a big fat crush on SY, so this is fine by him. Especially when he gets older, he starts bringing SY tea and making him breakfast and running his errands until even SJ is like "wait a minute, this little brat's stealing my job!" and by then it's too late. Luo Binghe is SY's personal assistant, the disciple at conman puppydog eyes has surpassed the master! While SJ was busy being like "I'm going to trick this idiot into doing my chores" LBH was going "I'm going to trick this idiot into giving me his job".
SY takes too long to officially name his school so everyone calls it the Shen Sect, much to his embarrassment.
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