#the Snout™️

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

🩵

[urpersonalpublicgalaxy]

nothin super good but i saw this and inspiration struck

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Idk if your still thinking about the pig but I was and today while getting hair dye-

Idk what to do now...

you Cherish her. that's what you do

[istadris]

I love William Laurence because you know if he wasn't a Proper British Gentleman™️, he would cover Temeraire's snout with soft little kisses every time his big lizard requires affection (which is a Lot of Times).

[thenoodlesadventures]

So @albusthefakepitbull and I were talking and she mentioned that Juniper (her ADORABLE new pupper) needs a bath which obviously prompted me to tell her how nutty The Noodle™️ is about hoses (I actually have to send him across the yard and put him in a stay if I want to rinse something without "help" 😂) and obviously that requires video evidence lol

So please enjoy a video of me rinsing conditioner out of thenoodle (who was also stinky) earlier with our new and improved top-of-snout hand target while mouth is stuffed with ball so we can bite something that isn't the water

[mayhems-cannon]

WELCOME TO MY BRAIN!

Do you yearn for ROMANCE and LOVE in this DESOLATE EARTH of DEPRESSION and SELF HATRED?

FEAR NOT ! WE AT NIHILEMARZIPAN SOLUTIONS™️ HAVE THE PERFECT SOLUTIONS FOR YOU !!

WE HAVE:

- DEPRESSED AND DEEPLY TRAUMATIZED PSYCHIC TEENAGE BOY finding LOVE and AFFECTION with ANOTHER DEEPLY TRAUMATIZED PSYCHIC TEENAGE BOY !!

FEATURING: Depression, PTSD, CPTSD, Touch Starvation, Touch Starvation, Bad Coping Mechanisms, Deeply Required Therapy, a DOG and a FUCKTON of TEARS!!! THE END HAS ALREADY HAPPENED!!! LET LUCAS CRY!!!

-Possibly HOMELESS and STRUGGLING PURPLE DINO GIRL finds APPRECIATION and WORKS THROUGH THE MAZLOW HIERARCHY OF NEEDS with the help of her DEPRESSED and LOVESTRUCK REINDEER GIRLFRIEND!!

FEATURING: Affection Starvation, Snout To Snout Nuzzling, Self Hatred, More PTSD, A Lot Of Eating Chalk and Moss, Way Too Much Mariah Carey OH NO, Comforting One Another, LESBIANS, FERRIS WHEELS AND WHATEVER HAPPENS IN CHAPTERS 3 TO 5!! TOBY PLEASE TELL US ITS GONNA COME SOON!!!

- DARK MAGE TGIRL having a WEIRD and COMPLEX love-friendship relationship between her MOONSTRUCK DARK MAGE STALKER and WAR VETERAN CHILD SOLDIER PTSD RIDDEN BOY FRIEND

FEATURING: TGIRLS!!!, A Whole Lot Of Infantilisation Due To Extreme Trauma And Poor In-Game Direct Power And Also Media Literacy, FROTTING!?, KISSES under the GREEN HUE of The CREEPY MOON GOD, Sorry No Marriage!!, Reading About Ye Olde Deities AND Hugs and A SHITTON OF OVERDUE THERAPY!!! MIRO PLEASE TELL US THE UPDATE IS COMING OH MY GOD!!!

- LAMB and GOAT have FREAKY FUN IN THE MATING TENT with the CATBOY EX-GOD OF DEATH they OVERTHREW with the POWER of a LITTLE CROWN

FEATURING: So Many Tentacles!!!!, THREESOMES, T4T, SO MUCH ADULTERY!! Dark Magic And Occultism, Summoning Dark Overlords for Fun Sex in the Fun Tent, SICKNESS, Necromancy, Fun Crown Shenanigans And SO MUCH PUBLIC MAKING OUT!!! IF MASSIVE MONSTER WON’T LET LAMB AND GOAT HAVE SEX THEN I WILL !!!

AND!!!

FREAKY GAY SEX BETWEEN A SELF CUSTOMISING WAR MACHINE TO END ALL WARS and ITS TRANSMASC PUSSYBOY NEWLY AWAKENED EXTREMELY HORNY SLUTTY EX-WARRIOR FALLEN ANGEL BOYFRIEND!!!

FEATURING: FREAKY GAY SEX!!! T4T!!! SOOOO MUCH SCISSORING!! AND JERKING OFF!! AND FINGERING!! AND PULLED HALOS AND WINGS!! AND SHIBARI AND BONDAGE VIA WHIPLASH!! TOO MUCH ANGELIC MOANING AND BEGGING!! BUGGED OUT GLITCHED SCREENS OF ORGASMS!!!! MACHINE COOLANT EJACULATION AND FIGHTING NAKED AS HARDCORE SEX!!!! GABRIEL MIGHT DIE IN CANON BUT NO LAWS OF CANONICITY IS GOING TO STOP ME !!!

AND MORE!! COMING SOON!! WHEN?

…

ORDER NOW!!! DELIVERY IS FREE AND EVERY PRODUCT IS AT NO COST

(unless you wish for something extremely specific in which case you will need to pay me. to commission me. if you want. its ultratober so i cant right now but. if you want. you. you can just dm me while i do stuff and. you know.)

[spectra-bear]

[The Raphael ‘Pillow Pet’™️ toddles up to your blog, eyeing it with curiosity and wonder. He bops it with his snout as a way to investigate.]

[How do you wish to respond? ]

Omg,, lil guy

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

*emerging from a dark corner* Perhaps… Rhea and Therese just bc they have the same face and/or Kaleb and Rhaella, whichever dynamic vibe you think works best?

I actually reblogged the crackship one, so I was a little confused for a minute but I am totally into this (especially bc I love throwing OCs who have the same face at each other. A friend & I did that with our Skyrim OCs because they're both young Mark Hamill 😂)

Just going off the little bit you have for Therese I honestly think they'd vibe. Granted, things are gonna go quite differently in SOTF than they're gonna go in Soaring Higher, but I am allowed to dream of a world where everything is great & we never leave the gap of time between episodes 6 & 7 lmao.

They're both very "I will do what I want" types & Rhea's gotten pretty good at coexisting with that. I do think there'd be points where they butt heads, especially because for a while Aemond is one of Rhea's best friends (it gets complicated, there's a minor falling out, but we press on & work through it eventually), but if she can get cool with her aunts/the Dragon Twins she can get cool with anyone so long as they prove themself to her in some way lol. Rhea, Therese, & Baela are all going flying together & maybe they'll burn down someone's house if they think that person deserves it because they wronged someone all 3 of them like. Just girly things 💕

They're definitely enabling each other & are in a constant "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission" feedback loop. Saying "exactlyyyyyy" to each other's stupidest ideas. That said, Therese is probably talking Rhea back from some ledges every so often because Rhea's definitely gonna be the more impulsive one who does a lot less deep thinking. She has more important things to do, okay? Like kissing practice with Abby & maybe Baela if she's down.

Ella would like Kaleb by virtue of "he's my brother's Boy™️" & a least a little bit of proximity. Because, like, she was regularly going to King's Landing to visit Yorick (at least until the Stepstones)--I don't think she'd write to him first to keep in touch though. She'd definitely respond to him if/when he started writing to her, but when they're younger it'd be more "that's Yorick's friend." (Kind of like how she was with Borros).

After her hot girl summer I think they'd get closer. She has more of an appreciation for people who can talk her down after that, & he'd definitely be the type to do that (I mean, he's doing it with Rhaenyra so he's capable of it). I do think their relationship would be pretty fraught though, because he'd definitely call out when she's acting like her dad & Ella would lash out & there'd probably be a lot of cycling around with "we fought, we weren't talking for a month, we've made up because I miss having you around."

She is 100% taking it upon herself to try & exposure therapy him into being okay with dragons. "It's okay Kaleb! I got Aerea to be okay with Vermithor, so I can do that with you! You don't have to come flying, you can stay on the ground like she does, just put your hand on his snout. The ground shaking rumbling means he likes it!" LMAO, he didn't ask for it, he doesn't want it, but she's doing it anyway. "He's just like when Yorick was a kid fr"

[thelustybraavosimaid]

"Direwolves," Bran said. Still half-grown, they were as large as any wolf he had ever seen, but the differences were easy to spot, if you knew what to look for. Maester Luwin and Farlen the kennelmaster had taught him. A direwolf had a bigger head and longer legs in proportion to its body, and its snout and jaw were markedly leaner and more pronounced. There was something gaunt and terrible about them as they stood there amid the gently falling snow. (Bran V, AGoT)

This ties in pretty well with the Stark Look™️:

Longer-faced:

There were three tombs, side by side. Lord Rickard Stark, Ned's father, had a long, stern face. (Eddard I, AGoT)

--

The boy absorbed that all in silence. He had the Stark face if not the name: long, solemn, guarded, a face that gave nothing away. Whoever his mother had been, she had left little of herself in her son. (Tyrion II, AGoT)

--

The flames crackled softly, and in their crackling she heard the whispered name Jon Snow. His long face floated before her, limned in tongues of red and orange, appearing and disappearing again, a shadow half-seen behind a fluttering curtain. (Melisandre I, ADwD)

--

"He's to marry Arya Stark. My little sister." Jon could almost see her in that moment, long-faced and gawky, all knobby knees and sharp elbows, with her dirty face and tangled hair. (Jon VI, ADwD)

Lean/slender/skinny/gaunt:

He was of an age with Robb, but they did not look alike. Jon was slender where Robb was muscular, dark where Robb was fair, graceful and quick where his half brother was strong and fast. (Bran I, AGoT)

--

His uncle was sharp-featured and gaunt as a mountain crag, but there was always a hint of laughter in his blue-grey eyes. (Jon I, AGoT)

--

"The left is good. All is reversed, it will make your enemies more awkward. Now you are standing wrong. Turn your body sideface, yes, so. You are skinny as the shaft of a spear, do you know. That is good too, the target is smaller. Now the grip. Let me see." (Arya II, AGoT)

--

Theon Stark's the real thin one with the long hair and the skinny beard. They called him the 'Hungry Wolf,' because he was always at war. (Bran VII, AGoT)

Long-legged:

Benjen Stark straddled the bench with long legs and took the wine cup out of Jon's hand. (Jon I, AGoT)

--

Skinny as they were, her legs were strong and springy and growing longer every day. She was glad of that. A water dancer needs good legs. Blind Beth was no water dancer, but she would not be Beth forever. (The Blind Girl, ADwD)

--

That's a Brandon, the tall one with the dreamy face, he was Brandon the Shipwright, because he loved the sea. (Bran VII, AGoT)

Also:

The Weeper's red rheumy eyes gave Jon another look. "Aye? Well, he has a wolfish cast to him, now as I look close. Bring him to Mance, might be he'll keep him." (Jon I, ASoS)

--------

"It has a name, does it?" Her father sighed. "Ah, Arya. You have a wildness in you, child. 'The wolf blood,' my father used to call it. Lyanna had a touch of it, and my brother Brandon more than a touch. It brought them both to an early grave." (Arya II, AGoT)

[cuprohastes]

Lunch In Space

Part 1

Wherein we are introduced to two of our main characters, the perils of interspecies cafeterias and the alternate uses of dog jumpers, and the Narrator is too self-obsessed to introduce themselves properly

4am, in the vast darkness of space, the lightless void that's darker than the stygian depths.

Apart from the stars. They're actually pretty bright. Famously so come to think of it. Also all the lights on the station, so you can look at it and admire it and spot any fresh new exciting holes that have appeared.

And if you're on shift, like me, use those handly lights to find the cafeteria and very carefully pick through the offerings because believe me, while Yarrick won't kill you, your body will basically say 'What the heck?' and treat it like a nice big plate of Silicone jelly and you will be experiencing a whole new and exciting set of sensations, and hey, sometimes you just have to clutch the toilet seat and scream a bit: We've all been there.

So I get my nice human safe food, and an extra roll of purple stuff that's not bread but it might as well be, and relocate my heiny to the big table by the window, the one that's always a bit chilly which is why me and Atrix and Atrix are usually the only ones who sit there.

I mean Atrix does because she's comfortable with a little extra cooling, and Atrix is there because he's not driving, he's just along for the ride.

"Yo." I say to my good buddy, the giant purple kangaroo dinosaur. She gives me a Yo back and dual finger guns.

Atrix the pocket lizard sticks his snout out and makes grabby paws at the roll.

I slide it over to his wifey, the purple lizard woman with the colour changing face and a degree in Astromechanics (Also horticulture, Art History and apparently, Interspecies erotica).

"You're over feeding him." Big Atrix says. Small Atrix grakkles. He has opinions and he really wants that bun, but then again if he gets too fat he has to move out, change gender and start paying taxes.

I also know that Godzilla here always skimps on the husband food because she knows I'll swing by with a little something something for her pocket hubby.

"Yeah well, someone has to be the fun Aunt." I say cheerfully. You're always the Aunt with the Atrix, regardless of gender.

I settle in, to eat a lovely meal of... what appears to be chicken flavoured... it's... hmm. Well, it's chicken flavoured and guaranteed not to cause anything to go a funny colour and fall off. It actually tastes great, but I'd describe it as being yes, a thing.

"So," I say around the food flavoured... stuff, "Picked a good solid Traditional Human Name yet?". My friend bobs her head again: Practicing her human physical emotes.

-This should be good. Atrix are good people but they don't have spoken names. They have a word that means 'I'm gonna show you name' then they change their face colours like a cuttlefish. They literally just turn into another person for a moment: This drives most species nuts.

Humans find it hilarious. Atrix can see the funny side. Humans and Atrix get along a little too well for everyone else's comfort and That's The Way We Like It™️.

Big n' Purple thinks about it, then says, "I was thinking... Gondolier Dottirsdottir, or maybe Luminal Effervescence."

OK so the Atrix tend to go for names that are just really fun to say. hence the Secretary General of the Combined Human-Atrix Interstellar Survey, a really big female with as much or more gravitas as a class two black hole - a very serious pocket pal all 'round - being named Pingbing O'Candyfloss.

I consider it. "People will call you Gondy, or Lumy." I point out to her as she feeds purple... bread-y stuff... to the iguana-sized male that lives in her belly pouch. He grakkles at me. He's a sociable little guy, quite chatty, I just have no idea what he's saying. Gondy grackles back and he does Upsies arms.

"Gondy. Ahm-hum. That sounds good. Gondy." she says trying it on. I can see she's definitely enjoying the mouth sound.

She hauls her hubbins out of her pouch, which is covered by her overalls and a big apron flap so he can sleep or play games on her phone.

"Did you... put him in one of those dog jumpers?" I ask as she puts her guy on the table. He looks smug and shows off. It's a small, chihuahua sized Christmas sweater. It's currently May, or close enough. But I'm not going to harsh his mellow. The little dude's obviously stoked to be a fashionista.

Gondy bobs her head looking pleased. "I'm thinking he should be Raxyplank Magellan. Raxy's a cute name." she says.

Raxy looks up and says "Rax!" around a mouthful of hubby food. Well, I can't fault that. At least he gets a name he can say.

For an Atrix male, he's pretty adventurous - He'll talk to people and even come out and walk around if he can keep one eye on Gondy.

Traditionally, or "Back in the day" - Several tens of thousands of years ago, until an Atrix got big enough to be safe, there was a good chance that something would camper up and make a meal of them.

So they have a general resistance to being out in the open, where it's cold and there might be cool alien eagles or space-lizard foxes.

Luckily when they get big enough they develop pouches and to they pick a male out and carry them around for safety and to have someone to talk to and hold shiny rocks (I'm a bit fuzzy on the finer details), so you almost always see two Atrix, even if one of them is usually hiding.

And now Raxy is hanging out with us like a regular little dude and getting crumbs on his ugly Christmas sweater. It is in all ways a pretty nice moment.

Anyway that's about when the station blew up...

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

🩷

[asexualotl-does-fanart]

I return to deliver more fanart for Heroes that are half-scaled by @nicoleisaboat-blog ! Turns out combining my Rise hyperfixation with my life-long love for dragons is a sure fire way to get me to obsess over a fic. Well played.

So here we’ve got some full body sketches of my interpretations on how they look like as well as two more quick doodles from work.

(I feel like Raph is starting to compete with Donnie over being my favorite turtle. I mean

look at this guy. Look at him and tell me you wouldn’t die for him. You can’t.)

I wanna go over some design choices real quick (I’ll try to keep it short lmao)

Mikey is very Round™️ except for his horns which resemble the stickers on his plastron (as stated in the fic). Unfortunately I think they’d prevent him from fully retracting his head (I also think none of the others can retreat fully into their shells since their limbs, necks and shells are kinda massive compared to before. I do feel like Mikey would get the furthest tho).

Donnie is obviously the smoothest both scale wise and in regards to lack of horns and spines/spikes. Like I said before, shortish legs, long-ass neck and tail (bc softshell turtles’ necks extend). Kept all his tech and, most importantly, his eyebrows. Speaking of tech, his draconic battle shell was one of my favorite aspects to design even tho I normally hate drawing machinery. Figured I’d give it a dragon scale pattern to fit the aesthetic and I think it works well. Also, snoot.

I absolutely love how Leo turned out. Braincell 1 was like ‘what if we gave him this kinda snout’ and braincell 2 went ‘absolutely based, let’s do it’. His red “ears” extending all the way to the tip of his tail is an awesome idea and I wanted to make them a bit jagged bc parallel lines are Boring. I broke up his “mask” so it’d be a bit more expressive and to have some extra variation between all of them (it does extend almost all the way to his shell on the back of his neck). Possibly my favorite design element is that the base of his antlers look like the base of his ōdachi!

Raph still is the most armored among all of them but like, dialed up to 11. Extra hard massive shell, scales extra spikey, alladat. I also gave him multiple rows of spines kind of like an alligator. He has the shortest neck relative to body size among all of them, mainly because I feel like bulkier, heavier dragons tend to be more stocky or “compressed” I guess (plus variation value. I wanted them to be 100% distinguishable even without looking at their shells).

As you can see I am obviously Very Normal about this AU.

[duchi-nesten]

Si what breed of dog is Cujo? He looks like he could be a pattie or a bulldog but some ppl have mentioned Rottweiler as an option so what do you think he is?

A while back I made a joke that he looks like a different breed every time i draw him and someone had this cool idea that since he’s a ghost and is made of ectoplasm he can just shapeshift into different breeds!!! i cant stop thinking about it ever since because I LOVE THAT. (not only because it explains away my inconsistency haha noooo)

BUT i do still have….preferences when i look up references hehe, lemme do that under the cut cuz i went insane

With his puppy form I kinda started instinctively taking inspiration off of my late dog, Puszek and as of recently my new puppy, Scrapi (both shih tzus!) I don’t see him as a shih tzu though so i make him less hairy and try to make his snout longer 🫡 But that kinda means there’s no breed going on there, literally just vibes!

I don’t know if you can even see it but here’s my boys Puszek and Scrapi compared to my Cujos 😭

Like I can see it and i have been told by people irl that they see it too 😭😭

WHEN IT COMES TO THE BIG BOY THOUGH!

I don’t have as much experience drawing big dogs because i grew up surrounded by smaller breeds so ….I google big dogs. No breed just “big dog” and the pose i currently need.

I tend to stick to rottweilers though! They do have The Vibe™️ I like to see from Cujo :] But i can’t say i haven’t used multiple Goldens lmAO (actually i even used a wiener dog once and they’re small HAHA)

I did have this thought going around with my brain worms lately that maybe i should try to base his Big Boy Form off of a Bernese Mountain Dog because I had the pleasure of meeting a very polite Bernese dog lady at a farm and i loved her very dearly! I don’t have her pictures on this phone but trust me she was very adorable! (also they are very fluffy so that might allow me to make Big Cujo fluffier…)

But yeah, that thought kinda makes me realize I might be a fan of taking inspiration off of dogs I actually know irl 🫡❤️ Take inspiration from life, draw what you know and all that stuff hahah (i have so much Shit™️ Scrapi does that i want to project on Cujo you have no idea)

anyway SORRY I LIKE RAMBLING ABOUT CUJO AND DOGS FJEBCBSBXB also all of this gave me an idea that Danny and Valerie can’t tell what breed he is and are arguing over it hAHA they have different headcanons

[cupcakesofchaos]

Been a while since I've written anything so I wrote another short Nightvale microfic as a warmup exercise. Feedback is appreciated

* * * *

You race through the moonlit night, branches and barbs clawing at your skin as you push through the dense forest. You can still hear it behind you, relentless in its pursuit. You leap over a branch and clamber up a slight incline, sweat dripping down your neck from exhaustion. The thick trunks of cedar trees swim in your vision as you desperately force your way through the endless impenetrable greenery.

You wonder if you should look to see how far away it is, but you don't dare. The sound of paws tearing through the underbrush is loud enough that you know it's close. Its twisted spindly limbs are wrought with muscle and you know any moment's hesitation would be enough.You can almost feel it's hot breath on your back, and the thought of those many jagged gnashing teeth is enough to force you forward, steady in your resolve to not look back. To never look back.

You break through a line of trees to a clearing. Lush grass sways gently in the cool night air, moss and wildflowers lick at the bases of trees and the moon illuminates the area enough for you to see the scatterings of mushrooms and pine cones along the forest floor, but not enough to see the small log that you trip on before you faceplate hard into the damp meadow.

You barely have a chance to turn over and before you can scramble onto your feet, it's upon you. A furry form slams into your body pinning you down into the grass. You grapple with it, using your forearm to block the dripping fangs and direct them away from your face. One violent yellow eye looks directly into yours, bloodshot and glazed over with mindless hunger. Then you remember, you have something for this! You wrestle the beast to the ground, shove your hand in your pocket, and throw something into the dripping maw.

The creature screams and writhes under your grasp and you gently let go. It's working. Rich velvety chocolate, crispy peanuts, silky smooth Caramel, and sweet pillowy nougat work together to perform their soothing ritual.

The distended wolf snout shrinks back into the soft profile of a human face, matted bristled fur gives way to flesh, and claws recede back into human fingers.

"Dude was that a Snickers ™️?" Jimmy pants with his freshly human voice.

"Of course it was man, I wouldn't leave you hanging. I know how you get when you're hungry." You smile knowingly.

"Thanks bro. Now I no longer crave human flesh, just the one of a kind chocolatey peanut flavor of a delicious nutricious Snickers bar ™️!"

"No problem homeslice. Everyone knows a Snickers bar ™️ is enough to break even the most visceral and soul dominating curse. Now let's get you some pants!"

This advertisement was paid for by Snickers, Mars inc., and W.O.L.F- the Werewolf Observatory of Lycanthrope Friendship.

Snickers ™️. You're not you when you're hungry.

[thenoodlesadventures]

So @albusthefakepitbull and I were talking and she mentioned that Juniper (her ADORABLE new pupper) needs a bath which obviously prompted me to tell her how nutty The Noodle™️ is about hoses (I actually have to send him across the yard and put him in a stay if I want to rinse something without "help" 😂) and obviously that requires video evidence lol

So please enjoy a video of me rinsing conditioner out of thenoodle (who was also stinky) earlier with our new and improved top-of-snout hand target while mouth is stuffed with ball so we can bite something that isn't the water

[daegulinekush]

The death of peace of mind

~ a Kim Taehyung fanfiction

Warnings: Balkan!oc, some cursing, aggressive behavior (more like urges, she truly wanna fight someone), sad™️, the drama starts little by little, some past refered and quite vague angst?

Chapter 4: ★ Didn't he bleed enough already?★

There are pains that are inevitable in life. I understand that. I understand that some types of pains are unavoidable, like losing a loved one who’s much older than you. There are events that cannot be avoided and contexts that cannot be avoided no matter how much one tries to fight against fate itself.

This doesn’t mean it hurts less. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t raise hell upon the ones who dared to hurt him and it definitely doesn’t tame the rage I feel within every time his dark brown eyes, as sweet as hot chocolate during the harshest of winters and just as warm, fill with tears.

It’s just something regarding the way I can literally see his soul cracking and breaking without anything able to stop it that ticks me the wrong way. Something in the way I simply know a broken heart is just like a plate: you could apologize to it a hundred times, pierce it back together and put thick glue, but it’ll never be the same as before. Maybe selfishly I wish to make art out of his pieces, forge them together with gold, just like the Japanese art I have seen so many times being displayed in my middle school years. No gold would ever be as precious as the one his heart is already made of, though. Besides, a soul is not just an object you can repair like that.

I have seen the pain in those very same eyes countless times. I have seen it when we were ten and he called me on face time with the ugliest of snout running down his pretty features as he sobbed his heart out when his grandma died and how it had shaken him whole to lose her. I knew how close he was to her and how much she mattered to him, how she was the one raising him mostly until he entered school. I, myself, did not share the feeling, as his grandma wasn’t much of a presence in my life and I didn’t interact much with her even while we were on her land, running and picking up strawberries during summer breaks. I haven’t formed any attachment with her to be affected by such news. Seeing him with his huge eyes and so broken, unable to hug him and comfort him in the only ways I knew and still know as I am not a person good at comforting others by words, it made me cry too along with him.

Some would call it empathy, someone crying because they see their childhood best friend crying. Wrong. Empathy feels like a too gracious and generous term to use for the reason my heart breaks when I see him crying, for the reasons behind my flaming anger when his gentle eyes fill up with tears. I call it selfishness and I am one selfish motherfucker.

Nobody is allowed to hurt him, from my perspective. I’d find them and hunt them down if I could, even if that means I’ll have to march with death itself. Sadly, I am just a human being and such things are impossible to do.

I just had to accept that some kinds of pain are unavoidable. Just like I had to learn harshly I can’t stop some things from happening, that want it or not, some experiences will be rendered silent not just because I am the one going through them and I entirely refuse to talk about them and the ways they affected me, Some things he will be the one to go through and hide forever, deep into his bleeding heart, so deep not even I will be able to reach them.

When I was little, I used to ache for what he had, in all honesty. I was just four when I had met his little sister, Minhee, after all. I was just four and in my mind he was lucky, having everything.

All I ever had had been my mom. We were alone, with nobody to support us in any meaning. But Taehyung? He had everything. He had not just a mother but a father too, one who loved him dearly. He had a sister, a bundle of joy we would later chase around - or, rather, she would struggle to keep up with our running around when she barely learnt to walk. He had grandparents and cousins and everything I didn’t have - uncles and aunts he was close with.

In my mind, he had everything, while all I had was my mom.

I ached for a family like his. I ached for siblings to mess around with and I ached for an actual dad who would love me the way Taehyung’s dad loved him and Minhee. I ached to be loved like that, to have someone to call dad, ached to be loved by both parents. Even as mom loved me endlessly, even as she took the hardship of raising me alone against my father’s wish, I ached for one. I ached for it so badly, especially when Tae’s dad would chase us around and raise him on his shoulders, when he would be such a soft presence, when he would be the one to be on our side when we caused trouble. I ached for such warmth, for someone who would cover my little slips in front of mama too. Someone whom I could tell I loved toffee sweets with green apples and would get me a whole bag just because.

I never knew how it is to have a dad. Just like I never truly knew how it is to have siblings, be it younger or older. I simply didn’t know. How could I, after all?

Yet, Taehyung had shared his dad with me in a way. He didn’t have to, he wasn’t my father but his. Yet, he never got pissed when his dad played with me. Never became jealous when he would pick fruits for me or buy sweets for me. Never once made a comment about how I was all over his dad, trying to get his attention to fill a hole I didn’t even know at the time that existed. On the contrary, he would be the one to tell his dad to hold me on his shoulders. Would whisper too loudly about how I liked some type of sweets. Would somehow drag his attention to me, just because I needed it.

In a way, Taehuyng also treated me as if I were his younger sister. He’s always been so generous, in those small ways that matter the most. In the way he never minded if I wrapped the blanket all around myself and simply wiggled his way back beneath while hugging me. In the way he wiped my tears and never once laughed at me for them. In the way he would share anything and everything with me, things I knew very well were dear with him and would normally not let anyone touch. If he was given even a mere egg, he’d share it with me.

Just as any siblings would have, we also had our fights, even if we aren’t siblings by any meaning. We’d tickle fight, we’d yell at each other, become stubborn ad refuse to talk to each other for a few minutes that felt like eternity at the time.

Here for me. Always here for me when I needed it the most.

Where have I been? Where have I been when his grandmother died and all he needed was a hug? Where have I been when he was bullied during school? Where have I been when the very man I thought of as sweet and used to wish were my father had become a monster? Where have I been when everything went south for him?

It’s a cruel thought. The one that I wasn’t there, not properly, not in the way he needed me. It’s cruel to know he went through things I would probably never truly know, things he had told me nothing about. I merely woke up with his father gone and a new house he lived in, a new city, and a changed behavior.

Up to this day I still don’t truly know what happened. All I could get out of ma was that it got “ugly” and became “physical” at some point. All I know is that Taehyung avoids physical fights with all of his being. I can only assume what happened considering those pieces of information that I have, which are very limited as they are.

A subject that is closed as a silent, unspoken rule between everyone. One I cannot open nor get close to, touch by any means. They might be my family, by they’re also not, in a weird way. As much as I am part of their family, I am not family, I am not theirs. As such, I have no right to touch such a subject. Just like they can’t touch some subjects of my family.

Selfishly, sometimes I wonder which one is better: to have a dad and for him to fuck it up or to not have one at all?

It doesn’t change the way I feel, though. It doesn’t change the way rage takes over me, back to the present, as the past is merely a pretext by this point. It doesn’t change the way every part of me is trembling out of the rage filling me, a fire with flames raising so high they might as well be called hell, but I’d merely call rain. It doesn’t change the way my fists clench and it doesn’t change the absolutely destructive need I feel to have her goddamn blood soaking my hands as I absolutely obliterate her pretty, fake face. Not even Jimin himself would be able to rip me from that girl if I catch her.

I don’t have any wish of going back to police stations and neither do I have to cross on a bucket list being behind the bars but that doesn’t mean anyone should have the fucking audacity to make my best friend cry. She doesn’t deserve the way his eyes are just as wide and as full as the tears escaping them. Doesn’t deserve the redness and the heart-wrecking sobs. She doesn’t deserve the way his heart clenches and breaks under the heaviness of his own feelings caused by her and even less does she deserve to come out clean of this.

I want to chase her. To hunt her down and become her very nightmare, to entirely wip her existence and memory from his life.

I could deal with pain. I was very used to dealing with emotional pain, to facing everything on my own, to standing my ground, to not asking for help until I already shake and break under the heaviness of it all. Until it’s too much. But I’m not good, unlike him. I don’t have a golden heart and hope has long ago become mellow and selective within me, as did my kindness, slowly but surely killed by force. I learned my lessons in order to survive in this cruel world. I didn’t want to be a burden on someone else’s shoulders, I refused to remain helpless and to depend on Taehyung or Jimin for everything. I simply wanted to be able to do it on my own.

Yet, Taehyung is not like me. His pain didn’t turn him cruel and didn’t make him become cold, just more selective, more reserved in ways that might not be obvious to the eye. He’s definitely more approachable than me and Jimin out of the three of us and definitely the type to want to help the most without much of a reason or anything to gain back.

No matter how much both I and Jimin tried to protect his soul, it was bound for some changes to happen. Changes are not always bad. That doesn’t mean I’ll let this bitch be the reason behind it without any business to solve, dirtily. When someone messes with one of my friends, they mess with me and I take this shit very seriously.

I can hear more than I can see Taehyung trying to blow his red nose in a tissue, Jimin’s arms wrapped around his wide shoulders. Jimin somehow has this talent of making Taehyung look tiny in his arms, even when realistically speaking it shouldn’t even be possible with the way they are built, but logic has never worked when it came to Jimin’s abilities and talents.

Maybe it’s my fault too. My fault for the way I didn’t put much thought nor care into who is the girl dating Taehyung as long as he is happy, for as long as she makes him smile. I didn’t care as long as she was beneficial for him, as long as it was something healthy they could both grow from and as long as I saw his smile.

Even more so, normally I wouldn’t try to intervene in this situation either. The reason isn’t that I don’t care about my best friend or something, far from that. I would go to prison for him without as much as a thought. But relationships aren’t easy and I know first hand both how petty arguments can arise, which is perfectly normal considering two people will inevitably have their disagreements and different views on different things, along with the fact that Taehyung, as much as I love him with my whole heart, is both terribly dramatic and stubborn.

Really, arguments are perfectly normal in a healthy relationship. You grow from them and the bond gets stronger. Without arguments, there would be no growth, no challenge, no nothing.

This is neither just a mere petty argument nor Taehyung being simply his dramatic self. This is not even the first time he’s crying his eyes out because of her either.

“It’s just…”

I can see the way he’s trying so hard to repress his sniffles. How puffy his eyes are. How red they are. How this truly breaks his soul. How he’s searching desperately for answers and I truly wish I could take that pain away from him. Wish I could be the one to suffer instead of him. Because I can deal with it, because I’m used to it. Yet, I can’t. I can’t take his pain away, I don’t have the answers he needs and I don’t have any idea what to say or do to soothe him. Comforting people has never been my forte. Not because I don’t want to, but I simply don’t know how to. Maybe I never needed it or I simply learnt to never expect it. Learnt that crying over something won’t solve it as much as I wish it would. That I have to take the matter into my own hands, pull myself together and deal with it. A problem won’t solve itself and as much as I have people that love me, they have their own lives and their own problems. Maybe it’s also the way I was raised, my mom strong and a model of never giving up, never wavering.

Or I simply refuse to be a weakling and adhere to the ridiculous stereotypes women are associated with and refuse to fit, to be complacent to these boxes many girls of this country had simply accepted being fit into as to fit the wanting gaze of ridiculous boys who would boast about being men and irreplaceable. How ridiculous.

This is not about me, though. It’s about Taehyung. Taehyung and his hirredous taste in girls.

“Just?” Jimin’s voice is so soft, like a mere whisper that could be carried away by the tiniest pale of wind, encouraging.

That’s it. I’m going to fucking break. The way Taehyung struggles to draw in intakes of air, to breath properly, to calm down. I’m going to entirely break because of his red puffy eyes, because of his lips bitten raw to the point I can see wounds from ripped skin and blood that has come to the surface, from the way he holds onto Jimin so tightly, as if he’d break if they stopped hugging, as if Jimin and his hugs were the one keeping his pieces still glued together.

“I just don’t understand why. What I did wrong? I’m truly doing my best. Is…is my best not enough?” his lips trembled as he spoke, I could tell from the way his words sounded, his voice sounded. So doubtful, as if there was wrong with him, as if…

No. I can’t. I can’t let that happen, I can’t let him believe those things, I can’t.

“She’s been so cold lately, I just- I don’t know. I feel like sex is the only thing she keeps me for around anymore. I’ve tried dates, I tried texting her to go to her place or her to come to mine for a movie, I got some flowers, chocolate…I don’t know what to do anymore!”

The guilt, the frustration, the overthinking. It’s not that he was not trying or that he was suffocating. Last time was about the last one mentioned and I had agreed with the girl that maybe he was a it too much for her, maybe he ws too clingy, maybe she just needed a bit of space, of independence, of her life outside their relationship. Reminded him it was healthy to go out with other people like friends, reminded him their lives don’t mean just their relationship and that being in a relationship definitely doesn’t mean everything revolves around the other. That they don’t have to spend all of their free time together and have different hobbies and interests and circles of friends, which is totally fine. Many times it’s better to have different circles of friends than to have a big, common circle of them, because things tend to get weird, awkward.

I felt like my world was crashing up. I never wanted him to ever feel this way, to feel like he’s not enough, like whatever he does things just won’t add up. I wished he’d never experience such things, wished he would have a healthy and happy relationship. Have someone to slowly grow up into more mature people with, have his perfect big family I simply knew he’s always wished for. I simply wished him the best, for his golden heart to be cherished to the real value it truly holds.

How she dare? How she fucking dare treat him like this, how she fucking dare basically all but destroy him?

“____, no, shit, get BACK!”

It feels like it’s ringing in the distance, like I’m underwater and Jimin’s voice is distrosionated to the point I can barely even hear it. I surely choose to ignore it, not caring for the urgency in his voice, for the panic in it, for the way his feet basically all but thud as I simply get the keys to my bike, ready to directly go after that girl, to pay her right back, to show her the shit she does actually has fucking consequences. I won’t let anyone escape after they’ve hurt my friends.

“How she dare? How she fucking dare?!”

Even my voice sounds like it’s not mine, my steps loud and harsh. I don’t even reach the stars before his fingers grasp at my shoulder and he’s tugging to turn me around.

“You’re not going anywhere, stay here”

It doesn’t help. No, the violence my blood craves, the payback, the way my fists ache to brusque her, scare her to remind her of her goddamn place and how feelings are not just a mere play. I don’t care what she does with anyone else, I don’t care about her morals, her lack of interest or whatever. Nobody hurts my friends and comes out well of it, not if I can help it.

His grip is tight, firm, but my eyes anger is greater.

“I’m going and you can’t fucking stop me” I grit through my teeth, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“You are not going, ____! Get that in your mind! That’s not what Taehyung needs right now!”

He’s not crowding me and yet he’s cornering me anyways. Staying close enough to not leave any opening for me to sleep yet not close enough to trigger a response from me. Because Jimin knows too well how fine the line is. Knows how my anger gets me, knows my technique, knows when to push and when to just let me be most of the time.

Because we’re friends and because, after all, he was the one who taught me how to actually fight, how to throw a punch.

“Then what am I even supposed to do Chim, huh?!” I can’t help but snap at him. “I’m not good at comforting people and I can’t just stay here and let her go on her merry way with her happy day when she literally-”

His fingers wrap around my wrists and stop me from my very expressive movements, simply holding them in place.

“Listen, I don’t like this either. If this helped with anything, I would have gladly ran after her with you myself. But it doesn’t solve anything, going after her. We both know all you need to do is just be here for Tae right now and nothing more. I’m angry too but again, this won’t help. So let the keys down and let’s go cuddle that idiot until he stops crying, okay?”

His voice was softer, more level headed even as frustrated puffs of air left him too, obviously trying to control it. He was better at it than me, than I could ever be, at controlling his anger.

The worst of them all is that he’s right. Even more, I could catch her later and give her a warning, scare her a bit to stay away and leave Tae alone. Yet, this moment I could never rewind, as frustrating as it is.

So I gave up, sighing and trying to take in deep breaths and swallow down the urge to have my bare hands smashing something, my fingers curling and relaxing repeatedly.

“Good. Come when you’re okay. Drink some water in the meantime. I’ll go back to him”

It’s truly annoying how good he is at that sometimes. At keeping me level headed, at forcing me to gather myself. It’s also very useful. To have someone who just understands when you need a rougher approach, to be shaken a bit.

The glass of water calms down my nerves a bit. It’s cold, satisfying. Sadly, it doesn’t wash away my guilt as I gulp it in the kitchen downstairs while Jimin is upstairs comforting Taehyung. Honestly, he’s a better friend than me sometimes, as much as it hurts. He’s simply good at reading people and understanding what they need. It leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, to realize I fucked it up again in some way. To realize that yet again I simply couldn’t do the proper thing when Taehyung needed me the most.

With a heavy heart I leave the glass in the sink and simply go upstairs with dragged feet, hoping for the best. Later might be better than not at all.

Hewoo, darlings! So, a lot of things happened lately but hey the chapter is done! So, um, yeah

I don't know what to say

See ya next time and take care, asks are open for literally anything, from venting to asking characters to photos. Literally anything 🥰

Tagging: @parkdatjimin @pamzn