#the LEAST you deserve is the amount of pain you out me through

[timeisacephalopod]

I was going through my old fics and ungifting them from someone I wish I never even met and I really do hate that she decided to integrate herself into my life SO HARD that two years after she decided to end our friendship over fucking text while informing me she didn't even like me the last 3 years she knew me I'm STILL prying her out of my life like a disgusting sticky thread that forcibly embedded itself there just to be a reminder of how much that person meant to me and how little I ultimately meant to her.

Anyway I like to hope two years later she's doing the same thing, except when she finds the sticky remains of me in her life she's at least got the benefit of knowing she chose that fate- I wasn't so lucky, and she wasn't the one who found out the last several years of that friendship was a sham either. Like yeah upon reflection Sarah reminded me more and more of her mother in A Bad Way and ultimately was loud and annoying and maybe not someone I liked all that much either, but I at least looked past that on account of I assumed she actually gave a shit about me 🙄. Will probably get Starbucks to sooth my Sad Feelings.

[caramel-ribbons]

I just watched Avatar for the first time all the way through, and yeah, it’s great, but the one thing that surprised me was how different Katara was compared to the fandom interpretation I’d seen and internalized before watching.

Like, before you watch Avatar, you’ve seen all these memes about Katara and her mom, and based on those memes, you assume it’s one of those lines you have to get used to hearing at least once every episode. But then you watch the show and realize that she only talks about her mom maybe five or six times per season and you also realize she only brings her up when she’s trying to comfort someone or empathize with them because that’s how she processes her grief and that’s one way she connects with people.

Or you hear the infamous line, “then you didn’t love [our mother] the way I did” and you prepare yourself for one of the worst character assassinations ever only to see the scene after nearly three seasons worth of context and realize she was kinda right. She’s been the mother, the nurturer, the comforter. She’s been patient, gentle, and accommodating where everyone else has gotten to be insensible and reckless and childish, and the one moment where she allows herself to feel her grief, suddenly she’s this evil bitch and not, y’know, a 14 year old girl whose been thrusted into adulthood in a way no other character has. A 14 year old girl who should be allowed immaturity and raw emotion and anger instead of the patience and grace she’s been forced to extend to every character without even the smallest amount of gratitude or even consideration in return.

Or you see all of the clips where Katara puts Aang in the “friendzone” and you expect to have this wishy washy back and forth where Aang is putting his feelings out there only to have Katara neither commit nor express any clear reciprocation or rejection. Then you watch and realize that, as cute as the ship is initially, that there’s never a point where Aang returns any comfort or grace to Katara despite her always doing this for him to the point of coddling. That for as much as Aang says he loves her, he never seems to outgrow his perception of her so he can recognize her as someone who feels grief, anger, and pain as much as she expresses love, kindness, and maturity. And instead of having moments where he learns to see her beyond her strength or compassion, you’re instead given moments where Aang forces his feelings onto her, both romantic and non-romantic, and Katara is expected to just…shoulder those feelings the way she shoulders everyone else’s.

Katara is the most misunderstood character in the show. As much as people recognize the complexities of Zuko, Sokka, and Azula, they struggle to do the same for Katara because they see her struggles as somehow lesser, and therefore, less deserving of sympathy. They can handle her so long as she’s being endlessly patient and loving and kind, but the moment her endless love, patience, and kindness runs out, she’s suddenly this annoying bitch who can’t shut up about her mother or reciprocate Aang’s feelings. But Katara’s trauma does matter as much as anyone else’s. No, she wasn’t banished from her kingdom. No, she didn’t lose her entire community, and no, she isn’t the only one who lost her mother. But the difference between her and everyone else whose experienced loss because of the Fire Nation is that she’s never given time to process her trauma. Aang gets to lean on Katara constantly. Toph gets to express her feelings to Katara, and yeah, Sokka also lost their mother, but unlike Katara, he isn’t put in the position of being a substitute for everyone’s parent. He even admits that he sees his sister as a mother. The only characters who ever comfort Katara or allow her to vent is Zuko and her father and that’s, like, three scenes in a show where the other characters are consistently given opportunities to seek out Katara for unconditional support.

The fandom interpretation of Katara has been so bastardized that even those who haven’t watched the show know her for this fanon version and not for who she is. She’s such an interesting character beyond her fandom limitations, though. She’s brave, hot-headed, and hopeful as well as gentle and caring. She wishes to learn waterbending, not only because she wants to fight in the war, but because she wants to continue her culture’s practices because, and people often forget this, she also lost an entire subculture within her already fractured tribe. And she wants to defeat the Fire Nation both because of her deep love and empathy for other people, but also because she wants to avenge her mother. But because some of the fans have reduced Katara to a bitch who constantly whines about her mother and friendzones Aang, you wouldn’t know any of this, and it sucks because she’s the only character whose been dumbed down to such an extent.

[byuntrash101]

what you deserve

soft dom!juyeon x f!reader x mean dom!hyunjae smut | mdni 4.2k your bf younghoon is just a dick... your best friends just want to show you what you deserve nsfw tags under the cut

slut shaming reader (hj calls her easy), lots of teasing, fingering (because have you seen juyeon's hands? gotta put those to use), begging, pet names (princess, doll, baby, kitten), praising, degradation (slut, whore), slight dumbification, nipple play, unprotected sex but reader is on the pill (these stunts are performed by professionnals don't try this at home), spitroasting/eiffel tower, multiple orgasms (f), oral (m), creampie, double penetration, anal

a/n: would you believe me if i said it took 1 whole ass fucking year to finish this? (yes i started writing on the 1st October 22) (smh)

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Deep down you knew it wasn’t true. You knew Younghoon couldn’t be your soulmate. Most of the time he would ditch you to go hang out with his friends and not return your calls or texts for the whole night then turn up home completely drunk and smelling of an other woman's perfume, even if he denied it every time. So saying Younghoon wasn’t the best boyfriend was to say the least an understatement. 

Deep down you knew that. You knew he didn’t really love you but just used you for entertainment purposes. 

So why? Why? Did you still believe that little voice in your head? Despite the sleepless nights, despite the countless tears shed, despite the pain. You still believed you two had a chance, you still believed you could fix him… 

But did you still love him?

“What are you doing?” the stern voice of Hyunjae erupted from beside you, sitting with you on the comfortable and cushioned couch, making you jump and hurriedly hide your screen from his scrutinizing eyes.

“Huh? Hmm… Nothing” you lied, quickly typing out the rest of your text to your boyfriend.

“She’s talking to Younghoon” Juyeon snitched, seated right at your other side, as he perfectly accomplished a dangerous maneuver with Princess Peach’s pink kart securing the first place right in front of Hyunjae.

Hyunjae groaned but you didn’t know if it was because he was certain to lose the race or if it was well… because of you. 

“Y/N!” He shouted putting the controller down before even finishing the race.

Well… you knew now.

“I can’t believe you’re still with that fucking asshole” Hyunjae whistled through gritted teeth.

You knew Hyunjae despised Younghoon, hence why you were trying to hide away the screen from the eyes of your best friend. But as you turned the device the other way Juyeon snatched it from your hands. 

“What did she send ?” Hyunjae avidly asked.

“Please don’t read it” you asked Juyeon, pleading eyes bordering on begging to preserve the ridiculous trace amount of pride you had left and not read yet another text in which you bent over backwards for your ungrateful boyfriend.

“I’m not gonna read it” Juyeon declared. You exhaled in relief while Hyunjae scoffed. “But I am going to take it away for the rest of the night”. 

“What? Please give it back” you tried to reach for it but Juyeon was way taller and had longer arms there was no way you would be able to take it back from him.

“No. Just enjoy a fun gaming night with us. Okay?” Juyeon smiled at you with that adorable eye smile that you’ve been unable to say no to since middle school.

“Fine”

You played a little more Mario Kart but it was as if the atmosphere had changed.

“Can I ask you something ?” Juyeon finally asked. 

There he goes again… You thought.

The three of you were best friends for almost as long as you could remember and you knew them like the back of your hands.

When something awkward like that happened Hyunjae and yourself would rather ignore it and you would give each other time to forgive and forget but not Juyeon. He would just bluntly speak his truth.

“Sure” you said as you paused the game and Hyunjae groaned again.

“Why him?” Juyeon asked, putting his phone down. You sighed in annoyance and the 

question.

“I don’t know, Juyeon, OK? I don't know why I love him.” You said as you rubbed your aching temple.

“You can do so much better though!” He protested while Hyunjae looked at you with stern eyes.

“You deserve someone that’s going to be thoughtful and kind” Juyeon almost whispered with his deep voice, bringing the back of his hand to your cheek. 

With this simple touch the atmosphere had changed again. Juyeon’s cat-like eyes fixed on your lips, leaning dangerously as you felt his warm reassuring touch on your cheek. It felt safe and somehow you didn’t have it in you to pull away.

“Someone like me? Maybe?” he murmured, his lips grazing yours. He paused right there. Giving you one last chance to pull away, to remain faithful to your morals but… how could you? You felt the heat radiating from his face and his soft breath fanning your cheeks. You didn’t want him to stop. 

So he leaned in to close the distance between your lips and finally kissed you. The electric charge from the thrill of kissing your best friend traveled from your lips all the way down to your core, making your guts stir in excitement.

Juyeon’s hand moved from your cheek to your nape to gently press your lips further onto his own, slightly parting them to let his tongue lap at yours. Heat pulled in your lower stomach while your eyelids fluttered close, losing yourself in this kiss. Juyeon’s large palm sliding up your thigh as he kissed you softly.

“Right, my princess? “ he whispered, breaking the kiss, leaving your lips yearning for more, you nodded, looking at him through your lashes when you heard Hyunjae scoff behind you.

The brief sound brought you back to reality. You whipped your head to your side where you are greeted by the icy cold gaze of the older one, eyeing you scornfully. 

“You’re wasting your time” he said, maintaining the unwavering eye contact. “She doesn’t care about this…” he brought his hand to your cheek caressing slightly before he shifted to entangle his slender fingers around your hair “She only likes pain” he said before suddenly giving a quick and sharp pull, ripping from your lips a surprised whimper, which made Hyunjae smirk evilly.

“I knew it” he whispered, bending over you and pressing his hot lips to your cheek. "You only yearn to be treated like the little whore that you are. You want to be my little slut. Want me to hurt you, huh?" he said before he used your hair again to make you turn your head, breaking your neck into position and crashing his lips onto yours. The difference with Juyeon was blatant, overwhelming even. Hyunjae was devouring you. It was clear he wasn’t intending to ask for anything. He was demanding, he was taking what was his. And you were ready to give it all up to him… To them.

You felt Juyeon’s rough hands wrap around your waist from behind while he planted soft kisses and bites from your nape to your ear. Licking and nibbling around it while you felt his hands make quick work of rolling up your skirt past your waist line. You gasped when his large palm brushed against the thin skin of your inner thigh which Hyunjae saw as an opportunity to kiss you even deeper as you moaned into his mouth.

“Spread your legs for me, doll” Juyeon cooed, lips still pressed to the wet patch of skin on your neck. “Good girl” he praised when you did. His large palm brushed over your clothed center and you arched your back in an unpremeditated reflex, pushing your hips forward onto the older man. You felt Hyunjae’s lips pull into a sly smirk.

“Really?” he said, breaking the kiss “Already offering yourself like this?” he chuckled. "You're so fucking easy. Anyone could get it with you"

You whimpered and squirmed in embarrassment but kept your legs wide open nonetheless, which Hyunjae didn’t fail to notice. He scoffed.

“What a little slut you are” he drew back, eyes sweeping across your whole figure to finally settle on your most private part.

When Juyeon finally pushed your panties to the side and let the living room ceiling light shine directly on your center you felt like you were going to faint from the adrenaline rapidly rushing to your brain, making your breath itch in your throat. Hyunjae caught his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Look at that we barely even touched you and you’re already this wet?” Hyunjae spat with one cocked eyebrow, peering at your slicked and glistening folds with disdain.

You opened your mouth to talk back, to defend yourself but you could only deeply sigh in bliss as Juyeon's rough hand brushed against your unclothed bundle of nerves. And it was only then that you realized how right Hyunjae was and how wet you actually were. 

Your wetness had soaked through the panties and was nearly dripping down to the floor. Juyeon had no trouble gathering and spreading it all over you. He gently and slowly circled your swollen nub, teasing it, lewd wet and squelching sounds erupting from the shameless act. Making you inexorably wetter and hungry for more. 

He kept teasing you slowly as he laid wet kisses on the side of your neck, heavily breathing into your ear while Hyunjae palmed his hard member through his tighter-than-ever pants thoroughly enjoying you being spread in full display for him.

After what felt like hours of teasing you finally gathered the courage to protest in the form of a tiny high pitched whimper.

“What's wrong, my baby?” Juyeon huffed into your ear before sucking on your lobe, the heat from his mouth raised goosebumps on your skin.

“Please” you mustered, barely above a whisper.

“Please what?” he asked as you felt his lips on your neck being pulled into a smirk.

“Please I want your fingers inside me” you murmured as if you almost didn’t want the words you were speaking to actually be heard but to no avail. Both of your best friends heard you clear as day.

“Pathetic” Hyunjae said as he seemed to be palming himself with more pressure, looking anything but displeased.

“Anything for you, my princess” Juyeon cooed and immediately sunk his middle finger inside you, a disproportionately large palm resting over your mound. He circled his finger deep inside and you felt his blunt nail graze on your g spot which made you whimper and throw your head back, resting it on his shoulder.

The dull pleasure was making your head spin so much that you didn’t even hear when Hyunjae unzipped his jeans and slipped out of his boxers.

“Yeah finger fuck her. I’ll fuck her throat” he scoffed while he approached you, hard dick in hand. “Come here” he said as he forcefully pulled you towards him. The hot tip pressed against your closed mouth and precum glazed your bottom lip.

As if the stars aligned, at the exact same time as Hyunjae pushed his cock past your lips Juyeon slipped a second finger inside you, thick and long fingers stretching you out so perfectly. You moaned as Hyunjae slipped inside you, his taste spreading on your tongue, adding even more fuzz to your already foggy thoughts.

“Fuck” he said under his breath, grabbing a fistfull of your hair, bending your neck backwards and forcing you to look up at him. The pain on your scalp took your mind off the rising pleasure Juyeon was inflicting on you and you looked up at the older male with teary eyes while he kept on pushing his dick inside your wet mouth until he had to force the last couple of centimeters down your throat. And he stayed there. Look down at you as you choked on his length.

“Such a good girl for us. You take him so well, baby” Juyeon praised you as he picked up the pace, making your eyes roll back. “So pretty all stretched out and wet for us.”

“Keep your mouth open” Hyunjae whispered before finally pulling out to let you have a quick breather before he smashed his hips back into your face, setting a rapid rhythm. The burning sensation in your throat made your heart race and as Juyeon was having his way with you, circling and flicking your clit you felt the precious build up of your release forming in the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck” Hyunjae groaned as he kept on the furious pace. “It’s like this mouth was made for me. Perfectly fitted little cocksleeve” he tugged at your hair again, making you moan on his length.

You almost lost your mind when Juyeon brought his second hand to circle your clit as the other one was still pumping in and out of you. Your muffled moans grew louder on Hyunjae’s cock, the vibrations making him shiver. 

“Baby you’re so tight” Juyeon murmured in your hot ear. “You wanna cum?” he asked, slipping a third finger inside you and you almost came on the spot as you were deliciously stretched out top and bottom by your best friends. “You can cum, kitten.”

It’s the only thing you needed as your body was waiting for this command to immediately let go of the knot. You quivered and moaned, while your jaw went lax around Hyunjae. Your center tightly gripping on Juyeon’s digits, desperate to ever let them go. Twitching and spasming in delicious bliss.

“Good girl” Juyeon cooed as he gradually slowed down allowing you to ride off your high at your own speed.

“I can’t believe you fucking came already.” Hyunjae spat at you with mean eyes as he pulled his cock from your agape mouth, you took a deep breath and sighed in bliss.

But you looked down when you felt two hands going up your thighs and you were met with Hyunjae’s glacial eyes.

“You won’t need that anymore” without a heads up he tore away your panties, ripping them to shreds with a grunt as you gasped in surprise. “I want to know how this little pussy feels like” he whispered through gritted teeth, eyeing you like candy, avid hands pulling at your hips to bring you closer to the edge on the couch. In some kind of protective reflex you wanted to close your legs but Juyeon hands that were still glistening with your wetness kept them open.

“Can you be a good girl for us and keep your legs nice and spread like this?” his deep voice asked softly. The tone was soft, slightly contrasting with the strong grasp on both your thighs.

You nodded.

“Good girl”

Hyunjae didn't wait for a second. He brought his scolding hot tip to your folds and glazed himself into your juices, thoroughly coating his length as he pumped his fist around it a couple of times before pushing the tip in. 

Immediately your eyes rolled to the back of your skull and your arch your back into the couch, biting your bottom lip trying not to moan. That attempt turned out to be a failure as Hyunjae progressed inside your wet heat. When he bottomed out you let out a small cry of pleasure. As Juyeon felt your thighs twitch lightly he withdrew his hands to bring them up to your chest and kneed your breasts. His large hands lifted your top and pulled on your bra releasing your beautiful tits which made Hyunjae grunt as he fucked himself inside your cunt. Juyeon’s big palm laid over the two lumps of sensitive flesh and worked them gently, his fingers curling around your nipples to roll them around.

“So pretty, baby” Juyeon cooed into your ear, looking over your shoulder at how your tits bounced every time Hyunjae drilled his cock into you. Juyeon can’t take it anymore, he also wants to know how you feel around him and you feel him slip from behind you. You instantly miss his warm hands over your body. But the disappointment is short-lived. Because you feel his hand softly wrap around your jaw, pulling your face to look up at him. Your gaze quickly dropped from his gentle eyes to his thick cock laying heavily in his hands as he pumped himself a couple of times approaching the wet tip to your lips. 

Instinctively your lips parted to let your tongue swipe and have a taste of his essence. Which made Juyeon hiss in pleasure, fist growing stronger around his cock, making the veins of his forearm pop. He drove his cock into your mouth, earning a low grunt from him. You lips painfully stretched to accommodate to Juyeon’s girth.

“Fuckk” he cursed under his breath. “Such a good girl taking my cock like this”. He said wrapping his long fingers around your nape, giving you an encouraging push. You didn’t need more to quicken your pace, gobbling his cock as far as you could manage without hesitation.

“What a fucking whore” Hyunjae grunted as he gave you one particularly strong thrust, the sharp pleasure making you moan on Juyeon’s length. “You love cock so much? Look at you swallowing his cock like it’s your only goal in life?” He picked up the pace smashing his hips into yours. Your attention switching from Juyeon to Hyunjae. “Is that it? Your only goal is to be filled with cocks?”

“Phhfuckk” you attempted to say, your mouth full to the brim.

“So pretty baby.” Juyeon cooed as he started to thrust into your mouth when your attention got diverted. “So pretty full of cocks”

The coil in your guts tightened again as your gaze fluttered between Jueyon’s soft smile and Hyunjae’s mean eyes. Once again close to the edge.

“Keep going. She’s going to cum” Juyeon said to his friend. Not daring to take his eyes off your wet ones. Hyunjae scoffed.

“Again?” he said, gripping your thighs tighter and drilling his cock into you harder as he felt your cunt clamp around him, dangerously fluttering. “Go ahead and cum. It’s all you’re good for.” he said, one hand leaving your thigh to slap against your cunt. The pain made you choke on Juyeon. 

“Fuck” he grunted while you mumbled intelligibly, earning another slap before Hyunjae started to draw small and quick circles on your swollen and painful little clit.

That made you cross the edge again. Your body shook against Hyunjae’s relentless hips. Your pussy clenching around him and fluttering in delicious and intoxicating pleasure. Screams of bliss muffled by Juyeon’s length, making him shiver, bucking his hips into your mouth a little harsher.

Hyunjae pulled out quickly and wanted to stuff you back but was interrupted by Juyeon.

“Come on man, it’s my turn now” Juyeon said, taking his dick out of your mouth, letting you take deep breaths as you slowly came down from your high.

“Fine” Hyunjae spat as he got out of between your legs. “I was almost done” he mumbled.

Juyeon sat beside you on the couch once again he looked at you and patted his thighs.

“Ride me baby” he said and you immediately hopped on his lap. Your tits shoved in his face he took a deep breath, letting his brain be soaked with the pheromone filled smell of sex that was imprinted into your sweaty skin.

You took his length between your fingers and pumped a couple of times before you sunk your hips into his cock.

“Ffffuck” Juyeon sighed, before licking a big stripe between your tits, collecting the glistening sweat.

Hyunjae didn’t miss one second of the show. He pumped his cock as he watched you bounce on his friend’s cock. Looking attentively at the way your pussy spread wide to take him in, spitting him out covered with your slick, all of that forming a beautiful soundtrack of moans, grunts and squelching wet sounds.

Hyunjae kept on fisting his rock hard and dripping cock as the same rhythm as you lifted your hips and let them smash back down. 

“How is it in there, dude?” he asked Juyeon.

“F-fucking great” he responded not taking your tits out his mouth.

“Yeah I know. Slutty cunts are the best. Because they just suit anyone.” He said letting his free hand slap your ass. Making you arch your back and bounce even harder. A silent plea for more. And it’s exactly what you got. “And this one she’s one real easy whore. Letting anyone fuck her raw” He spanked your ass again, even harder this times, leaving a beautiful print behind on your skin. “Isn’t it right, slut?”

“Yesssss!!!!” you panted, bouncing even harder, the familiar build up heating up in your guts again, Juyeon’s large hands gripping the underside of your thighs and aiding you bounce on him while he muffled his moans in your chest. “I’m a slut a real fucking whore for you. I love both your cocks so much”

“Is that so?” Hyunjae said, tilting his head, his lips being pulled in a sly smirk as an idea blossomed in his lust soaked mind.

He approached his tip to your ass, rubbing his hard-on on your cheeks. Before leaning over and spitting a big wad right into your pucker. Making the hole blink.

“Since you love our cock so much. You don’t mind me taking your ass, right?” he said pressing his tip still wet with your slick into your only available hole. 

“Oh G-god” you chocked when you felt your ass being spread open.

“Please” Hyunjae chuckled still pushing inside you. “Just call me Hyunjae” he said cockily as he pushed the last inch into your bottomless hole. 

“Fuckkk it feels so good” he cried out stopping your hips, your nails digging into Juyeon’s shoulders, urging him to fuck up into your cunt. He did so immediately. His dick grazing against Hyunjae’s inside your ass.

“Fuckk” the older one hissed when he felt the coming and going of his friend through the small membrane that separated both your holes.

He started to fuck into your asshole as soon as you looked accustomed to him. He loved to watch the way your asshole dragged into his cock every time he pulled out just to welcome him back into your warmth once he pushed back in.

“Fuck baby you’re so good to us” Juyeon as lightly tugging at your erect nipple with his teeth. “So pretty for us. So fucking good.” He panted fucking his hips uo into you, making your pussy cream around him, wet sounds bouncing of the walls.

He was so close. So fucking close he could taste it.

“Fuck kitten. I’m going to cum soon” he said, grip growing stronger on your thighs.

“Yeah please. Please!! Please fill me up!” you urged when you felt another slap into your ass.

“What a filthy fucking slut begging for cum like that” Hyunjae groaned. “Want mine too whore?”

“Yees fuck please. yesyesyesyesyes!!!” you chanted, feeling both of your holes grip around the cock that were both plowing into you, rearranging your guts so deliciously. 

“Then fucking take it” Hyunjae says slipping his hand into your hair and pulling harshly. Letting his cock pump your ass full of tasty hot cum, his hips absolutely rutting into your ass, grunting and moaning. So much so that it made the cum spill out and drip on his friend's cock. But both of them couldn’t care less.

“Fuck baby. ‘m- c-” Juyeon can’t even bring himself to make full sentences and follows right after Hyunjae. You feel his enormous cock twitch inside you, delivering an ungodly amount of white hot cum right in the deepest part of you, if it wasn’t for the pill you were taking you’d be sure to be knocked up right away. His dick brush again against your soft spot and the way you feel both your holes filled with cum make you tip over the edge. And you find yourself squirting all over both their dicks in a pleasure filled scream. Your juices spray out of you in big streams, completely soaking Juyeon laid under you which makes his hips stutter a little. This orgasm is the most intense one of the night, making both your holes flutter. Your cunt clenching around Juyeon and your asshole blinking around Hyunjae while you pant and moan in complete euphoria.

The next few instants are a blur. None of you speak, only pants and sighs can be heard. All three of you, piled up on top of each other, drained and content. But the blissful silence is interrupted by the low vibrations of a phone..

A phone? your phone!

Juyeon haphazardly reaches into the pocket of his jeans laying somewhere near and holds the device to you.

You have dozens of unread texts from Younghoon and even more missed calls. Poor thing… he’s not used to you going silent on him. Not his precious and naive girlfriend.

You pushed your messy hair out of your face and picked up the call.

“Yeah?” you say voice sounding a little rough, nothing surprising given the things that were just in your mouth and roughing up your throat.

“What the fuck are you doing? Why aren't you answering my texts?” Younghoon asks, panic seeping in his rushed voice.

Hyunjae chuckled coldly behind you.

“Come cuddle, baby.” Juyeon said, pouting so much it was audible.

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT???? Y/N??? IS THAT JUYEON???”

“Hmmmm” you hesitated before Hyunjae snatched the phone from behind you.

“You guys are done. Don’t call her again”

“WHAT THE F-”

bip bip bip

IF U WANNA HELP ME PLEASE REBLOG WITHOUT USING THE COMMUNITY LABELS 🖤

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[delirious-donna]

His Hands [Nanami Kento]

an: it's been a hot minute since I wrote for him, but with the latest developments and the insane amount of Kento content on my dash, I couldn't help myself. This is a love letter to his hands...

pairing: Nanami Kento x female reader

warnings: hair pulling, manhandling, light choking, mark marking, daddy kink, dirty talk, mating press, doggy (all implied), some comfort and fluff because he deserves it

Masterlist

Nanami Kento is not a white knight.

He is not a righteous man, nor is he morally virtuous. Nanami makes no qualms about expressing what matters most to him – his time, his students and most importantly, you. If that means he has to stray into the murky grey areas of ethics then so be it. If that means there is collateral damage in ensuring the safety of his precious priorities, it matters not. However, Nanami Kento is a good man.

Fatigue has been his constant companion these past few weeks. His eyes are weary and less focused than usual, his jaw tight with seemingly endless worry and his hair tousled as if he had run fingers through it time and again. You didn’t know the exact cause of his current demeanour, all you did know was that it was your job to relieve it, at least temporarily.

Hazel eyes met yours. A tight smile faint on his lips whilst you moved from being tucked into his side to straddling his lap. Kento’s head fell back against the couch, his gaze bouncing between your eyes, simply content to observe whatever it was you were up to. Your fingers delicately wrapped around his wrist, brushing against the heavy weight of his timepiece and lifting it to your chest. His hands were rough, callouses built up along the edges of his fingertips and palm through extended training and workouts that would see him dripping in sweat.

“Y’know… I’ve always loved these hands.” An exploratory finger ran over his knuckles, the skin shiny and new from where they had not long been split open. It wasn’t an exaggeration–you did love his hands and what they could do.

An amused huff was his reply, fingers flexing in and out of a loose fist whilst you continued your journey over the wide expanse that was his hand—traversing the depths of his life line only to circle down and stroke over the pad of his thumb. How many times had you helped to patch him up after being injured in the line of duty? Too many. Bloody rags filled the bathroom sink and the smell of antiseptic stung your nose, but you’d rather do it yourself than let him tend to himself. There was no point in telling him you worried, he knew that, instead you filled the silence with the mundane moments of your day to distract him from the stark contrast of his horror-filled one.

“They’re strong and they keep me safe,” you muse almost to yourself. Unbeknownst to you, Kento’s eyebrows lift. His eyes sharpen, throwing off the dregs of tiredness to watch more fixedly at you touching him with a reverence he didn’t believe he deserved. Would you still love them if you knew what he had done with them? Of the violence they had been a part of, the injuries and deaths he had inflicted with them. As if you didn’t already know…

“Sweetheart–” The argument he had readied fell away when you lifted his hand higher, towards your throat. His thick fingers could feel the steady beat of your pulse, no jump in fear of danger, only complete trust. He swallowed; the bob of his Adam’s apple near painful.

Your breathing sped up, knees shuffling forward to bracket his lean hips and pressing your delicate skin further into his careful grasp. Memories rose to the surface of your mind like stones skimming across a peaceful lake, rippling outward until the phantom sensations of days gone by washed over you.

The searing burn of Kento’s large palm swatting at your soft ass; whether in encouragement when your thighs tired of riding him to completion or in admonishment for some very deliberate attempts at stealing away his attention in the midst of his paperwork.

The gentle grip of your ankles when he folded your thighs flush against your chest to be able to plunge deeper into your sopping cunt. His tender hold was the perfect counterbalance to how savagely he was splitting you open. Lazy circles of his thumbs against your delicate ankle bones all whilst you ringed his cock with thick cream and his pelvis smacked wetly against you.

The prickle of your scalp at the sudden yank at the roots of your hair. That deliciously big, thick hand that you adored wrapping your hair so tightly into a makeshift ponytail that you had no choice but to rear back. Warm breath fanning your cheek and neck, the deep rasp of Kento’s words caressing your ear despite how depraved his words were. “Fuck… that’s it, baby… Taking Daddy’s cock like a champ… Let me see that arch… Look at this pretty pussy sucking me back in…”

Nanami had a way of handling you exactly as you needed at any given moment. He wasn’t afraid you’d break like some fragile doll, knowing that you more than enjoyed his manhandling. He could sense how turned on it made you when he would scoop you up like you weighed nothing. Taking your weight into his arms when he fucked you against the hallway wall in those moments he simply couldn’t wait to reach the bedroom. You were his pliant little cocksleeve. His perfect pussy.

With the rough came the smooth. How tenderly his fingers would coast down the length of your spine in the warmth of the morning, stopping to admire the curve of your waist, the flare of your hips and the ripple of your backside when he squeezed it lightly. 

The soft touches against the bruises he had left the night before on your waist and hips. Each one a mark of his possession that he would never fail to become aroused by. The marks of his fingertips, the indent of his teeth on the swell of your sensitive inner thigh. If he were an animal he would scent mark you like the dog he sometimes felt like, rub himself all over you until you were bathed in his musk.

Interlocked fingers and tickles on the palm of your hands. The reassurance that you were by his side when you strolled the sidewalk together, Kento always nearest the traffic and the ability to tug you close with the flick of his wrist.

“I don’t care what these hands might have done to those that deserved whatever fate they befell. All I know is that I love them, and there isn’t anyone I would trust more to hold my heart.”

He nodded, and you knew that would be the best you would get in the form of agreement to your words. The coiled muscles in his forearm tightened, tendons contracting and his fingers squeezing a fraction tighter atop your carotid arteries. You hummed in contentment, eyelids growing heavy and his hand slipped free of your loose hold to rest over your heart whilst the other pressed between your shoulder blades to bring you to his lips.

So, no, Nanami isn’t a white knight but he is the best man you’ve ever been fortunate enough to meet. You would help him face whatever demons were lurking nearby, and with your support and unconditional love, maybe–just maybe–he’d make it back to you in one piece. 

Heaven knows he deserved some time off.

[cupidkenji]

the warm spot at the bottom of the stairs

Pairing: Ghost!Spencer Reid x Chubby!Fem!Reader CW: Fluff, Mild Angst, Soulmate AU, reader has dreams, mentions of sex/masturbation, mentions of death, cursing, reader feels like she knows him but they've never met, let me know if I missed anything please! Summary: After inheriting your grandfather's estate, you fall in love with the man from your dreams. He just so happens to be in your house, too. Disclaimer: Reader is always written with a chubby/bigger person in mind but in this she's literally not described aside from the fact that she has hips, a stomach, and legs on her body. WC: 9k (this is what happens when you let a man cook) This fic is genuinely my baby. I love soulmate aus with all my heart and soul and also love the dynamic of falling in love with a ghost. Enjoy this please, I tried <3

You swore the heat radiating off the sidewalk was enough to melt the soles of your shoes down to liquid. The sun was unforgivably angry today, glaring down at the world like it had a score to settle. You were less than thankful, as the death of your grandfather had stolen any desire you once held for warmth. The brutal dichotomy of the cold pit sitting in your stomach and the burning heat of the day only added to the sour taste in your mouth.

This house was fucking huge. 

You had no idea how your grandfather managed to hide such an enormous investment from everyone in his life but he’d managed the task seamlessly. Nobody even knew what he was giving you at first. The reading of the will and testimony left nothing but confused relatives until they had found the address that marked the estate. Some were jealous of you, some were confused, some even asked if they could come live with you once you got settled in. You had been absolutely floored when you learned he’d given you a house. Being fresh out of university, you were moving on to grad school while simultaneously preparing yourself to live with your mother until you could afford anything besides student debt payments. 

Now though, you had a castle, with no clue why a house this big was given to you of all people. You were your grandpa’s only grandchild and were by far one of the least deserving of such a generosity. Sure, you were close, but never abnormally close. You talked once a week on the phone and were glued to his side at family gatherings - but he saw your aunt everyday, and spoke with your mother much more than he ever did you. Was it pity? Maybe he saw this as the only plausible way of you escaping the fate of leeching off your mother. Hopefully he didn’t think of you so lowly. 

You mentally cursed at the dull ache in your legs that persisted even after stretching. You had been driving all day with a car packed full of stuff that needed to be hauled into the house, and only yourself to move said stuff. You said a short plea in your head to not let the pain hinder your speed and began walking into the house to view the inside. The estate was isolated, huge fences of greenery surrounded the place, adding to the pleasant sight of budding flowers throughout the front yard. Even without the towering hedges, though, the nearest neighbor was miles away. Great, you thought. Any concerns of your car being robbed while you were gone were extinguished as quick as they came, but you locked the car regardless. Force of habit. 

The heat was only lessened slightly when you reached the interior. You made a mental note to get the A.C. turned on, no way a temperature like this was a liveable one. You’re sure the numerous floor-to-ceiling windows were the culprit. They were excessive. Beautiful - of course - and you were thrilled at the amount of light they let in, but you could basically see the heatwaves permeating through the stained glass. Your eyes caught on the odd choice. The slightly colored glass making the mansion feel mildly like a church, the thought coming to you quickly and stripping any of the minimal comfort you held moments prior. That’s weird, you thought. Your grandpa had never been particularly religious. He was a man of faith - said grace before dinner and thanked Jesus for every day he lived, but never to this extent. He was rather progressive for a man his age.

The kitchen could have easily fit a team of 12 and you wondered if there had been staff at one point. There was no sign of any employees, and you prayed there weren’t any left working. The last thing you wanted was more responsibility in your life. You took your time walking the house, marveling at every painting and polished chandelier that was now an asset of yours. The house was gorgeous, you’d give at least that much to the old man. The centerpiece, of course, was the large spiral staircase leading to the second floor. As large as the house was, it held only two stories. Getting it’s square footage from length, rather than width. It was equally as glamorous as the house it resided in, however it filled you with a certain devastation you couldn’t place. As though your most primal self rejected the idea of it. That’s silly, you thought. You wanted to go upstairs, you were definitely not avoiding half of your house because a couple of your neck hairs stood at attention. The only real peculiarity was the heat pooling at the very bottom of the staircase. The kind of heat that seemed to thread itself into you, intertwine itself with your very being. The rest of the house was cold and accusatory, if your grandfather ever did live here, any of his warmth was flushed out by his death. This was the only spot in the whole house you felt calm, cared for. You could bask in it, weirdly fascinated with the little pocket of humanity that sat there. 

It was more difficult than you’d expected to pull yourself out of it, and you could have sworn you felt arms trying to pull you back in. Ten minutes into your new life and you were already on edge. Negative feelings didn’t seem to penetrate the spot at the bottom of the stairs, so you physically felt the wave of unease when it struck you upon exiting. The upstairs was creepy. The abundance of windows was apparently only a trend on the first floor, as the second floor held dark, dim hallways. The whole thing, it seemed, was lit up by ancient lamps that lined the walls. It reminded you of the Shining, and you wondered briefly if maybe your mother would let you move back in. There was a bedroom right near the staircase, and you decided it would be yours. It could have been the smallest one for all you knew, the only thing you cared about was a quick escape if such a thing was needed. Something about the house put thoughts like that at the front of your mind. 

You don’t recall ever being a paranoid person, nor a believer in the supernatural, but this house was watching you. The feeling of eyes on you was simply too strong to write off. What a warm welcome. 

—

It had been a week, but the nights so far had been sleepless ones. The people you called on day one were just now getting around to starting the A.C. so you were hoping for a decent rest tonight. The fridge was stocked, your things mainly unpacked, and the house started feeling a little more like you with each day. Although, your friends were more or less convinced there was a ghost living with you. You spoke of the feelings you had, plus the fact it was an old and mildly creepy house, and they were off and running with theories. One of the tamer ones consisted of the house being an old church - given the windows - and that the eyes you were feeling were perhaps an old priest who died here. You were less than fond of that idea, but you would take it any day to the other propositions of old mental hospitals and certain death. You made a mental note to never again let your friends speculate on situations you couldn’t get out of.

You argued that a malevolent spirit wouldn’t invoke such a comforting sense within you. You felt watched - yes - but it wasn’t as though you felt stalked. It was much worse, actually, you felt lonely. Loneliness was never a battle you fought very hard in. You had hobbies, and you had friends. The desire for a romantic companion usually took the back burner if it was even a thought at all. People questioned the topic - you were pretty, smart, capable - what more could somebody want? They asked if you were insecure, if you liked girls, told you that you were wasting your “prime years” and needed to find someone - but it was never that simple. You just didn’t get it. The feelings others spoke of were unfamiliar ones to you. You held your breath for a long time before realizing that it probably just wasn’t for you, that you were built a little differently.

Needless to say, you were uncomfortable with the sudden sensation. It felt like seeing the moon in a glass jar - something unfathomably beautiful but something you were unable to hold. Lord knows it wasn’t from a lack of desire, though. You’re sure you reeked of longing, able to suppress the lot of it but unable to stop some from slipping through the cracks of your fingers. And with no obvious direction to cast it, it just clung to you and seeped back into your skin. 

–

“No, dude, I’m telling you shit’s fucking weird.” You shoveled popcorn into your mouth as you spoke with your friend. This was the third call since you moved in. “Every night I wake up at like two in the morning and just for a split second I feel it. It’s like I'm lying on someone’s shoulder or something. And - oh my god - the amount of times I get stuck in that fucking warm spot on the stairs is gonna drive me crazy.” 

You could hear her laughing at your frustration on the other end. “What do you mean you get stuck? Y/n I'm getting worried about your mental state.” 

“No I’m telling you, I walk in this one - like - warm spot and I enter some kind of trance. Like I want to leave but I can’t - Jesus!”

“Are you alright?” Your friend was quick to ask, hearing you cut yourself off mid sentence. 

“No! This shit is haunted I swear. My kitchen lights just turned off for no reason. If I die here I’m blaming you and Kelly for not getting me out.” You were being dramatic, you knew that, but it was starting to feel justified. You don’t remember a time in the last week you felt truly by yourself.

“Hey don’t blame us for your own choi-” She started speaking, but you lost her. 

“Hello? You there?” You tried calling her again but the usual buzz of the dial tone was dead silent, the lamps that were illuminating the house followed soon after. Phone lines were the first to go in a power outing. No fucking way the power just went out. You felt around in the dark for the drawer of the end table. There had been a flashlight on the counter when you’d first arrived. You threw it in the end table because you had no clue why it was there - you were thanking God you’d done so while also praying the thing had batteries in it. You wrapped your hand around the object and said one more plea to the stars you wouldn’t have to be without light until tomorrow. Somebody must have been listening, as the room lit up when you hit the ‘on’ switch of the flashlight. 

You’d seen the fuse box towards the south end of the upstairs hallway, sitting between a Da Vinci replica and a mirror taken straight from a movie star's wet dream. I’m gonna die was the only thing you could think at a moment like this. You were for sure going to see glowing red eyes at the end of the hall and die a horrific and bloody death. Thanks grandpa. The warm spot was a welcome refuge from your journey to certain death, and you embraced the sense of  peace it brought you at a time when your heart was surely beating too fast. You held the light in front of you as you ventured up the stairs. The top of them seemed cartoonishly haunting, you thought momentarily that you would fit perfectly into a Scooby Doo episode. It was vast and dark, having multiple pathways you could walk down, but you set your sights on the south hall and did your best to disable your peripheral vision. It was right there. You just had to reset the power and you’d have your precious light back. Who puts a fucking mirror above a fuse box? 

You held the flashlight between your teeth as you focused on your task. Open and reset. Open and reset. It was truly as simple as that and then you could be done. Go watch a midnight rerun on TV and pray that the spirits would leave you alone. Open and reset. The switches were flipped off - you didn’t think that was normal but what did you know - so you flipped them back on and heard the hum of life returning to the house. Thank God. Your nerves dissipated almost immediately. You were alright, no ghost had it out for you. It’s an old house, and would probably experience things like this a lot. You could do that again if you had to. You looked up, though, and ate your words. There was definitely a man behind you. If you had been trying to look at him, you would have seen he was young, tall. You probably would have thought he was attractive, but you had no time for that. You whirled around, yelping at the sight of him and mentally preparing to defend your life. It proved futile though, he was gone as quickly as he came. There was nowhere he could have gone that fast, so as much as you were certain he was there, you settled for him being imaginary. It was dark upstairs, and you were scared out of your mind. Surely your eyes were overcompensating for the paranoia that was racing through you. You walked back to the couch on guard and decided to call your friend back tomorrow. It was nearly twelve, and you knew she had work tomorrow. You could cope using TV and proper lighting to comfort you until sunrise. What’s one more sleepless night?

“You boys let me know if you need anything.” You heard the words in your own voice as if listening to a stranger. 

“Sure thing, doll.” All the men were in uniform. Gray fabric covered their bodies, adorned with hats of the same color. Soldiers.

You walked back behind the front counter as the bell above the door continuously chimed at the arrival of new guests. Orders were being shouted to the cooks. You stared at the bold letters painted on the large graffiti piece decorating the wall, “Cathy’s Cooking.” A greasy apron covered the light blue dress beneath it - waitress attire. The smell of fried eggs clashed hard with the scent of sanitizer you were using to wipe down the counter. Bells rang to signal orders were ready to be taken out to guests, and you discarded the rag you used to mop up spilled coffee. 

“Thanks, Benny.” You nodded to the chef as you took the food plates to table two. He nodded back at you before returning to flipping bacon. 

“L/N!” Your manager barked at you. “Take your break. Be back in thirty.” He was a friendly man, though he got a bit hostile under pressure. 

You couldn’t be more thankful for the break. It was hour 6 of your shift and you were beginning to think he might never let you off. You removed the apron as quick as possible and excused yourself out the back entrance to cool off in the alley way. It got hot as hell during rush hour, so the way the slight breeze nipped your cheeks felt like heaven. 

“Tough shift?”

“Jesus!”

He started laughing as you startled, turning to face him. “‘Fraid it’s just me, honey.” He walked towards you as you grinned at him.

“You scared me, Spence.” 

He shook his head, mocking you. “I’m so sorry.” Drama queen. “How ever will I make it up to you?”

You giggled at that, and wrapped your arms around his neck as he got closer. He put his hands on your hips, leaning you against the brick wall of the alley. You could feel your lungs open up when he kissed you, always feeling like you could breathe better when his lips were on yours. He was your God given destresser. He still donned his uniform but had opted for taking the hat off, he knew you hated when his hair was hidden.

“That’s not very nice, Reid. I thought you were a gentleman. What would your boys think of you being so mean to a lady?”

He smiled a bit at that. “You like when I’m a little mean, Y/N.” 

Fuck. He had you there. 

You looked to the side for a second to snuff out some of the tension. “How long are you here for?”

“We’re in town for two weeks. Gotta catch a boat up to base 14 on the 20th. Supposedly they’re preparing for a big fight.”

You frowned as you made eye contact with him.“I get so worried about you. About all of you. I don’t know what I’d do if - you know if something happened.” He’d been a soldier for a little while now, joining when he turned 18. He’d kept his hands on your hips, and you started to run your hands through his hair, a nervous habit you picked up when the two of you first got together.

“I know, honey. But by the time it’s done I’ll be off my leash. I do this and we can run away together.”

You looked at him the way you always did - with such admiration and love that he often had to look away before it went to his head. He swore he looked at you the same, but you knew deep down nobody could love anyone as much as you loved him. You laughed a bit at the elation you got from just his presence. 

“I got lucky with you, Reid.”

He just shook his head. “Give yourself more credit, L/n.”

Your consciousness hit you like a truck and you realized before long that sun was shining through the windows. You’d fallen asleep sometime between ultimate terror and fleeting hope of your survival. And that dream - dear lord what the fuck was that dream. It was more vivid than you thought possible. You always forget most of your dreams when you wake up, but this time it felt like forgetting would be a betrayal. You could recall word for word every single thing about that dream. It was as though you saw a movie of your own life. A feeling so familiar you could taste it but just far enough to escape your grasp - and boy were you reaching. Not to mention the man. You didn’t know if this was some sort of coping mechanism you were inventing in your head but that was definitely the same man from the mirror last night. An imaginary friend. You had an imaginary friend as a grown woman. Terrific. 

–

“You’re never going to attract a suiter with such a tragic expression, my dear.” This had to be the third time your mother had roused this point in the past hour. 

“These dances are dreadful, idiotic nights of captivity that do nothing but mock the existence of genuine companionship.” The irony of you saying this while patting your cheeks with rose pigment was not lost on you. “Let me scrub myself raw and willingly restrain myself in hopes a man will see me and fall in love.” You spat out the last word with enough vitriol to hopefully drown yourself in. “Maybe he’ll like me so much he’ll lay claim and I can live on to be his housewife and half a person. How I've always dreamed of letting a man decide how much value I have.” You were flustered by the end of your spiel, looking at your mother through the large vanity with the tentative hope of a child asking for sweets. 

“You read too much, darling. Those little romance books of yours are nothing but nonsense.” She was a professional at writing you off by now. “You know plenty of women who are perfectly satisfied with their lives. This is how we do things, Y/n. I don’t understand why you insist on fighting it so intently.” 

She was never truly angry at your defiance, only tired. You could never tell if she was tired of you complaining or if she, like you, was tired of living this way. Your mother had married young - even for the times - and you knew your father left much to be desired in her life. They were basically repulsed by each other, only joining in union to produce a child. Your mother had been thrilled to have a daughter. Your father would trade you if he could, but he made do. The ultimate lack of affection between the two of them made you ill. You weren’t much older than your mother had been, you could very well end up trapped and child-bound in a loveless marriage.

“I would rather die alone than end up with my father.” You spoke, she sighed. 

“I know.”

You stared at her through the mirror for a moment longer, then you rose from your chair. Your makeup was done, your look now complete. You noticed your mother’s eyes start to well up at the sight of you and she started to walk closer. 

“My beautiful girl.” She smiled, forbidding the tears to venture down her cheeks, and held your shoulders. “You deserve a man who will worship you. Your future husband will be the luckiest man on planet Earth.” A gentle prompt, but a prompt nonetheless. You knew she loved you, but she carried more shame as you got older. Having only a daughter was something frowned upon, but having only a daughter hellbent on avoiding marriage was something that weighed on her. 

“I’ll see you in the carriage.” Then she was gone, kissing your cheek and taking her exit to go talk with the director of the communal ride. Carriage was being generous, it was more like a one-way wagon to the local suiter’s ball. You watched her leave with a sense of grief so intense it nearly toppled you. She deserved a man like that too. 

-

This was your third ball of the month. The pool of potential partners diminished with each one. People would often take whatever they could get, meaning less and less people even needed these nights anymore. You walked in with your mother, hand resting gently in the crook of her extended elbow. Your father stopped attending with the two of you a while ago. You believed he’d given up hope of a man ever choosing you - Lord knows he wouldn’t. Scanning the crowd, you saw little to look forward to. The music was pleasant, you would dance with a couple men who seemed bearable at best and criminal at worst, indulge in some of the enticing pastries and teas, and then you would leave. Back home until your mother dragged you out the following week for another one. With your current rate, you assumed you would end up marrying the vagabond that perused your neighboring streets. Taking another look around, you thought you might prefer that. 

You made your temporary home in a corner chair, letting your mother excitedly drag prospects up to you and watch dejectedly as they ruled you out as an option. You felt bad for her, considered caving in and finding a man to give you a child, but you remember swiftly how long the years take to pass when you’re miserable. The chair gave you a good view of the room, you could see the entrance and the dancefloor filled with enticing women waiting for men to notice them. You could feel the sweat start slicking your skin beneath the corset you wore. It was too hot in here. 

If you hadn’t been so determined to ignore the occasional advances of bored men, you would have missed the small group entering the area. Two women and two men, you wondered briefly if it was two couples, but discarded that thought. This wasn’t a place for couples. You felt your heart physically lurch at the sight of the last man in the row of four, as though your heart was running to greet an old friend. Had you seen him before? Surely you would have remembered such a visceral reaction. You averted your eyes before he could notice you. You don’t remember ever wanting to be noticed by a man - especially not this badly. You allowed yourself the escape of your own thoughts, getting lost in your head to pass the time and focus on anything other than what was probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. 

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

You looked up, he was standing above you. The chair next to you had been taken all night, the same woman had been sulking in her seat, and you found comfort in the fact someone else was unhappy to be here. She was gone now. Someone was definitely messing with you. 

“Not at all.”

Your mouth was drier than it had ever been. You wondered if your lips remained stained from the color you applied earlier. You’d done nothing but sit all night and yet you were praying nothing had happened to your makeup. 

“Why are you alone in a corner?” 

“Men tend to be repulsed by my pessimism. I also happen to hate it here. Serves for a less than desirable combination.” You refused to let your sudden attraction diminish your stubbornness. You hated the self-consciousness racing through you, no man had the right to take your assurance in yourself. 

“Why do you hate it here?” He wasn’t being mocking. He seemed - genuinely - a little sad at the thought of you being unhappy. 

“Well, sir, I am of the belief that these dances are nothing but congregations of people settling for lives that won’t make them happy. They trade excitement for safety as though the presence of security has to mean the presence of misery. I don’t think anyone can know the true meaning of love in our current state as a society.” You didn’t look at him as you spoke, instead staring out at the people dancing. “I hold no desire to settle. I am capable of making happiness on my own. Most men don’t like the thought of me not needing them.” 

You were almost positive you lost him. You were betting on him not being there when you looked, preparing yourself to bite the bullet and cope with tonight’s losses. Maybe your mother would agree to leave early. 

You heard him chuckle softly. “Sir.” He repeated your words, finding humor in the formality. “My name’s Spencer.” He added. “And I also happen to hate the purpose of these events. I’ve never actually been to one before, but I’m new to the city, and something about tonight was begging me to come out.” 

You were absolutely bewitched by him. “I’m Y/n.”

“Fitting.” He smiled, a smile directed at his own thoughts, as though something in his mind had clicked. “Will you dance with me?”

The music had slowed severely. You scoffed at his proposal, but you were taking his hand as if you’d been waiting on this. Maybe you had been. You were grateful for the ballad that was playing, never having been one for upbeat dancing. He led you gracefully, and for once you felt yourself relinquish power. With a mind like yours, a man’s company was almost never wanted. With this one, though, you laid your heart at his feet as if you’d done so a dozen times before. The heat of his hands was seeping through your dress, and his eyes were locked with yours. 

“I feel like I know you.” A confession. He had an effect like that.  

“Maybe you do.” 

–

Two in the morning. Everyday you’d woken up at two in the morning from a different dream involving the mysterious ‘Spencer Reid’. You friends had kindly dubbed him the “Man of your dreams” following the stories you told them. You’d been a housewife, trying to welcome him home from work before he laid you down and made an altar of your dining table.You’d been the daughter of a king, at one point, falling in love with his favored knight. Shamefully, that one haunted you. Reappearing in your mind during intimate times when you needed a spark. You’d never been one for desire either. When your friends started preaching the wonders of sex to you during your highschool days, you felt no pull towards the act. Just another it you didn’t understand. Now, though, this house served as an aphrodisiac. You lost count of your streak by day 13, and were now just begging whoever put this apparition in your home for the strength to keep your hand out of your pants. 

Spencer had become more like a roommate rather than an unwanted guest. You saw him in most reflective surfaces around the house. You felt him everywhere. He sat at the table with you, watched TV with you, he would wait by the door when you got home from work. Sometimes, your hand or your shoulder would run hot. Physically hot, like he was putting his hands on you. You wondered if he was around during those times, but if he was there he made sure you didn’t know it. You were gaining a sort of intuition for him. The thought Spencer would like that struck you numerous times when you were window shopping or when you tried on an outfit. You were starting to think maybe you were just crazy. Perhaps a ghost who seemed to be your soulmate and made you incredibly horny was how all psychotic breaks started. 

Weirdly, through your bizarre dreams and inconsistent sleeping patterns, this was the most well rested you’d felt in a while. Waking up at two am was routine now, sometimes you managed to fall back asleep afterwards but most times you were up dwelling on the images your mind had shown you that night. You thought maybe your body was just adjusting - surely it was nothing supernatural giving you energy - just the adaptivity of the human brain. One persistent thing you couldn’t adapt to, though, was how much you missed him. The increasing number of times you woke up to being the only occupant of your bed was starting to wear you down. You feel like you’d spent lifetimes with this man and yet he was someone you never knew. You'd seen the two of you fall in love countless different ways except the one that actually counted - the present. 

“I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Another phone call, another conversation about your rapidly declining mental state. “I have fallen in love with a figment of my own imagination. Surely this is some demented form of narcissism.”

“I don’t think it works like that, Y/n.” Your friend was terrible at comforting people. It probably didn’t help that you hadn’t been fully honest with her about the severity of your situation. From where she was standing, you had learned to lucid dream and now that was bleeding mildly into your real life. Not the biggest deal, maybe you were just lonely. 

“It’s a ghost, dude, I’m fucking telling you. There’s no way I’m imaginative enough to conjure all this shit up.” 

“You know his name right? Go down to the library and look him up. If he’s a ghost then surely there’ll be something to find.”

Holy shit. She was a genius. “Oh my God you’re so smart. I love you. You just saved my life. You’re God’s gift to the planet. Who would I be witho-”

“Jesus Christ will you just go? Stop kissing my ass and start driving. I want details when you get back.” 

You don’t know if you’ve ever been so eager to get to the library of all places. If you could snag a computer spot then you could put an end to all of this. He wasn’t real, realistically you knew that, but you had a fool-proof way to check. If he was real you were going to have to come to terms with the fact you could see dead people. Well, a dead person. You had never seen any before Spencer. You’d never seen Spencer either, not before the house at least. They say you can’t make up faces, that if you see someone in a dream then you’ve seen them in real life but you were incredibly doubtful of that by now.

Spencer Reid. Thankfully the man didn’t have a particularly common name. You hoped there would be limited matches, less to look through. Pretty soon you could accept your own mental insanity and maybe ask your mother to spot you for some therapy. Well, moment of truth. You watched each letter be typed in with baited breath until his full name was in the search bar. Even just looking at his name brought that sense of calm. You were hopeless. Until, apparently, you weren’t. 

Brilliant Dr. Reid dead at 26

Former FBI agent Spencer Reid found dead in his home

Spencer Reid co-workers speak out on his legacy. Where to go from here?

You scoured every article you could find, analyzing every pixel of every image available. This was your guy. Same Spencer Reid from your dreams. Same Spencer Reid that stands behind you in every mirror of the house. Holy shit who was this guy? He was a little older than you, died last year in the summertime. Each article painted a brutal picture of his death, speculating on how the doctor died but never comfirming anything. Only that he was dead when paramedics got there, the sight of his covered body being extracted from his home was one that would stick with you. His home. It was the same house you were living in. It’s possible your grandfather was renting it out. That’s probably why nobody ever knew about it - he wasn’t living there. You didn’t know when water started pooling in your eyes, you only realized them as they started falling down your cheeks. You didn’t even know him. You didn’t even know him but you felt like someone just sucker punched you and were about 60% sure your lunch was coming back up. Jesus. 

There was no way you could tell your friends about this. The majority of your brain was pleading with you to rationalize this. Maybe you’d seen one of the articles before. Maybe your grandpa talked about him. Holy shit he had known your grandpa. Every individual thought you had was identifiable and that was far too overwhelming for your brain to handle. You signed out of the computer and went to go sit in your car. Could you even drive like this? Your hands were shaking so bad there was a good chance you’d crash the car before you got home. It’s twenty minutes, you thought. You had to go back. Staying away from the house any longer felt like a punishment. You can make it twenty minutes.

–

“No, no. Like I said it was just some old guy who wrote a book. No sign of my Spencer.” You were lying straight through your teeth. You figured it didn’t truly matter. If you sat here and told the entire story of finding exactly who you were looking for online, you think she’d have checked you into a facility. 

“Maybe if you believe hard enough you can manifest him.” 

“Wow you’re hilarious. Remind me again how I ever lived my life without such a humorous presence.”

“I question that same thing everyday, Y/n.” You could hear the smile embedded in her words.

“I’ll let you go. I know Dylan is probably waiting on you. Thanks for checking up on the Spencer chronicles.” You felt slightly bad. She was on her honeymoon currently, and instead of spending time with her new husband, she was listening to your stories of fraternizing with a ghost. 

“I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure it’s weird as hell. Call me up if you need to, yeah? Hotel has unlimited calls so I can talk all night if you need to.” She was an angel in this world.

“Thanks, same goes here. If you get sick of your husband you know where to find me. Remember to use protection.” 

“Alright, nevermind. You may suffer by yourself for all I care.” She laughed while she threatened you.

“Bye, honey. Love you.” You should have felt alone, but you never did. He was most likely here with you. 

The exhaustion had well and truly crept up on you. You planned on getting home and calling your friend immediately, but you ended up needing a good few hours to cry and pace around the house. You weren’t scared - it was essentially the opposite. The complete lack of fear bred so much confusion that you didn’t know how to cope with the amount of frustration on your shoulders. You paced the house hoping to find him. You wanted to be near him. You harbored the immature hope that knowing who he was would grant you the ability to see him. Did you even know who he was? He was a doctor, an agent, but who was he to you? Is that what you needed to know in order to see him?

Now, sitting on your bed, you felt like you’d been through the ringer. The mental gymnastics of the day weighing heavily on your body. You needed to go to sleep. You wanted to go to sleep. In the last week or so you’d noticed a certain excitement regarding the promise of another tale, another dream. They were so extravagant, not even in the details of them, just in the consistency of pure emotion. You could have been fighting dragons or sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. If he was by your side, there was always this certain euphoria surrounding the two of you. A feeling reserved just for you and him. God you missed him.

– 

You woke up slowly to a familiar bed beneath you, this was your house. The window was open, curtains blowing cautiously as the mild chill of the Fall breeze wafted in and dusted over your collarbones. It wasn’t this cold last night. You felt the breeze again on your whole body, and realized you were lying naked on top of the ruffled comforter. Had he pulled the blanket off you?

“Are you cold? I didn’t think to shut the window when I got up. I was kind of rushing to get my stuff.” You noticed then that he was sat behind a canvas, angled so he could glance between you and the task at hand with ease. He noticed you furrow your eyebrows, and even managed to catch the minuscule tense of your muscles as you prepared to sit up.

“Stay still for me, honey. I’m almost done.” He was adding feather-light brushstrokes to the piece, a finishing touch of his you now recognized from watching him paint so much. 

“This isn’t a very good pose, Spence. You know I’m not the most photogenic.” You referred to the fact you had been sleeping as he painted, limbs not organized and environment chaotic. Notoriously unfavored things by the man. Maybe he was hoping to capture a candid version of you. 

He exhaled a laugh. “How rich coming from you.” His lips quirked upward as he continued adding touch-ups to his art. “Something about you this morning…I don’t know.” He shook his head like he was talking to himself rather than you. “You just looked…mesmerizing.” He shrugged, brushing off the sentiment. “Felt wrong to just look at you.”

Dumbfounded was the only word you could think to describe yourself. He’d painted you before, mainly from the neck up for practice with faces, but this was different terrain. You were nervous to see the piece. You thought of your hips, your stomach, your legs. A silhouette he’d sworn time and time again was worthy of worship. One he wanted to treasure. You hoped you’d see a glimpse of yourself through his lens, hoped all that adoration would show on the canvas. Once he was finished with it, he turned it so you could see. It was breathtaking. His talent never failed to leave you speechless. 

“I feel like I should be paying for this.” You joked, but still felt as though something should be given in return. He stood from his stool and joined you on the bed.

“I assure you, I’m well compensated.” Your face ran hot. “Can I hang it?”

“Spence, I’m naked-”

“Not downstairs, Y/n.” He chuckled. “I’d put it there.” He nodded to a vacant wall space on the right side of the room, entirely visible from his side of the bed. 

“You want me watching you sleep, Reid?” 

He grinned at you, shaking his head slightly at your remark. “Just wanna be able to see you.” He held your eyes. “I’m hoping looking at you before I go to sleep will give me good dreams.” You hummed in sarcastic agreement, your gaze falling soft a moment later.

“You can if you want to.” He looked relieved. 

“Thanks, honey.” He looked stunning in the morning light. The sun hadn’t risen too long ago, and he was only covered partially by a pair of joggers. He was practically luminous, the bare skin of his chest looking golden in the sunlight. You stuck your hands out to feel him, and you felt as though you were trying to touch heaven itself. He leaned down to be closer to you, he always said you felt magnetic. 

“You should let me paint you like this more often.” 

“Is that right?”

“Mhm”

And, just like before, you could breathe again when he kissed you. Truly breathe. It was times like these when he felt like your oxygen, like pulling away should be sin. Lord knows you would suffer any version of Hell for him. 

–

Your frustration seemed to have doubled in your sleep. Two am. You were gonna find that fucking painting. It wasn’t in the spot he left it - you would have noticed a giant painting of yourself naked on the walls, but you double checked to be sure. You threw up every light switch you came across and started scavenging through the upstairs. There was a certain tug in your body - when you didn’t find it in a room, you knew it wasn’t there, something internal telling you to look elsewhere. It was only when you were halfway done with the downstairs raid that you remembered the storage room. You’d found it when you first moved in, a room full of dust and white tarps covering furniture and other indecipherable shapes. It had to be in there.

You wrecked havoc on the tiny room. Tearing off layers of fabric quickly, leaving little thought to where you were throwing them, completely tunnel visioned on finding the painting. You came across a covered square the same size as the canvas had been. It was coated in so much dust that the covering looked ancient, and you were begging any conceivable being to be merciful, to let you have at least this if you couldn’t have him. You unveiled the shape to find the same vibrant pigments you’d seen just hours before. It was you, draped over the comforter and basking in the hue of the morning. This was it, you thought. Holy shit this is real. You had no grounds to deny this anymore. Spencer was a real guy, clearly he’d died in this house and clearly the two of you had lived enough lives together to fill months of sleepless nights with. 

What did this mean for you? Were you a clone? Were you and Spencer both clones? Were you living in a simulated reality and all of this was actually a ruse calculated to induce reactions in the brain that could then be studied? Oh my god - were you a ghost too? Had you died and were now stuck in some form of purgatory?

You felt sick with it. You didn’t know you were capable of bearing such intense metaphorical weight. You needed to see him. Maybe if you went to sleep, you would realize you were having a dream and could figure some things out. That’s so stupid. You mentally scolded yourself for even thinking of such a dumb idea. You needed to speak with him. You needed him to tell you what was going on. Of course him and everyone in your life who could have known him were six feet deep. A seance, maybe? Perhaps  just buy a ouija board and wing it. You’d seen the most of him when you were asleep, that had to be the key to figuring this out. Please dear god let it be the key to figuring this out. You took the painting and headed back upstairs. Maybe it could serve as a medium, you thought. That’s a thing, right?

You don’t think your bed had ever seemed so uninviting. You remember how grateful you’d been to finally sleep on your first day here. It was a pain in the ass hauling a mattress up a spiral staircase and the moment you realized you were done was a relief to say the least. Now you stared at it and your mouth ran dry. What if this didn’t work? What did you even want to happen? Were you going to rummage through your dreams and play detective to piece together what might have happened in your past? No degree of mental antagonizing could push you off course by now. He was real. You know he’d been a real man, and surely the painting of you meant you’d known him as something other than a ghost. You were simply praying this would work out how you wanted. You needed a semblance of closure, even just a small one.

–

The room was dark, making you double check if you opened your eyes in the first place. You hadn’t had a dream. This was the first time in months you had fallen asleep and woken up without having lived a different life. You felt tears forming in your eyes. The disappointment you felt was so immeasurable that your brain practically short circuited trying to find a way to process it. You knew it was a long shot for everything to be fixed overnight, but you’d expected something. Like he was reading your mind, the bed dipped down, him now occupying the space next to you in bed. 

You were worried your head might fall off your neck with how quickly you turned to look at him. The moonlight came beaming in through the window, like she was your secret ally, giving you enough light to finish your battle. It lit him up, practically shining through him like it would a crystal. He was ethereal. You stared into the same brown eyes you’d been looking into for months and felt your resolve give way from within you. You could have looked at him forever, you wanted to look at him forever, but you crashed hard into him. You would have fused your soul to his at that very moment if you were able to. Nobody had ever drawn out such a reaction - you needed to feel him. It was the proof you had been begging for, he was here, he was tangible. You could finally know what it all meant. 

You felt his chest jolt as he chuckled at you. “I missed you.” You could hear the smile in his words. 

Choking on a sob, you spoke your response so quietly you could barely hear yourself. “What the fuck is going on?” You knew tears were probably soaking through his shirt but he just held you against him. “Please tell me you know what’s happening.” You were muttering your words quickly, sharply inhaling between your sentences as air refused to stay in your lungs.

He ran his hand up and down the length of your forearm, a motion so familiar and so comforting you’re sure your knees would have buckled if you weren’t lying down. “Just relax, honey. I can explain everything, ok? I just need you to breathe right now.”

It was hard to maintain your oxygen through the sobs begging to get out of your chest but you were nothing if not stubborn. You needed an explanation. If that was his condition then so be it. You took a deep breath, regaining your ability to inhale and exhale at a regular pace. You could see the room better now having been awake in the dark for a while, so you tried to focus on anything that might help. The painting. You stared holes into that thing and forced your breathing to even out. 

“I was really proud of that one.” His words held an instinctual twinge of fondness, still smiling as he spoke. Like now that he had you, he could describe any horror of the world and still be happy with you in his arms. He looked back at you, tracing his thumb along your jaw. “You seem to get prettier with every lifetime.”

Even as the overwhelming confusion wrecked your brain, your body was completely in tune with him. Warmth seemed to spring to life in your stomach, his words bypassing any guards you had to root themselves within you. He regarded the situation so lightly, so casually. He wasn’t worried about slipping away, or running out of time. He would have given you a decade to calm down if you needed it. He seemed content with just calling you pretty, as though he’d waited a century to touch you again. 

“My dreams, were they -” You paused. You didn’t even know what to ask him. “What were my dreams?” Were they real?

He took a moment to just stare at you. The smallest, knowing smile on his face and a look of pure adoration in his eyes. He knew what you were asking. “They were us.” Fucking obviously. If you were any more on the edge of your seat you would fall off. “All the lives we’ve lived together.” Jesus.

“How long ago-”

“Two thousand years, 5 months, 27 days, and-” he leaned up slightly to check the clock “14 hours.” Giving you the cutest tight-lipped smile when he finished talking like he didn’t just say you’d been in love for two millennia. 

“So we’re soul mates?”

“Essentially.” He nodded. ‘Soulmates’ was close enough. 

“But - is everyone like this, then?” Did all your friends have this too? Everyone in the world? “Everyone has a soulmate?” Your friend’s on her honeymoon right now. 

He laughed a little and shook his head. “No, no. It’s just us.” What was so special about the two of you? “For all I know of at least. Your uh…your husband-” He hesitated for just a second, fingers digging into your skin just a fraction harder. “He found out about us. Had his mother cast a spell. He thought he was punishing us, I think. Figured we’d get sick of it after a while. Poor guy, all he did was condemn us to eternity together.” He held no genuine pity for the guy, more amusement at the thought of his plan actually succeeding. 

“How long have you been here?” You hadn’t bothered to check when the articles were from, too busy trying to keep your head on straight to look for the publication date. 

“A year.” A year of him alone in this house. God, you couldn’t even imagine. “I started having dreams of you. Everyday I just felt, like, something pulling me away from where I was. I knew your grandfather from an old case I worked and everything just seemed to happen.” He reminisced fondly, like the memory didn’t hurt him. “I don’t even really know how I died. I just remember having a party one night, and how the hallway looked from the bottom of the stairs.” Oh my God the warm spot.

“When you moved in I was thrilled but - fuck, honey, it was torture.” He delivered the line like it was a joke but his eyes were watering. “I couldn’t talk to you, I couldn’t help you - I couldn’t fucking touch you and it was unbearable.” His hands hadn’t left you since you woke up. Making up for lost time, you guessed. There was one question you were brutally aware of, something that persisted in your head even as you tried to enjoy the moment. 

“Why can I see you now, then?”

He sighed, so full of devastation that it was clear he’d been preparing for this. “You can’t.”

“What?”

“You’ve seen all our lives, Y/n. This is the only one left.” He was so delicate in his explanations. His palms soothing over your face as if trying to physically soothe the sting of his words.

“Wait what does that-” What was he talking about? “I don’t understand.”

“To be honest, I don’t really understand it either.” He exhaled at his own ignorance, the words unfamiliar in his mouth. “For the first time, I don’t know what’s gonna happen when you wake up.”

“Wake up? What do you mean wake up - Spence I’m awake.” You held onto his wrist that was near your face for emphasis, his hand still caressing your face. “I’m awake.” 

His eyes were definitely watering. “No, Y/n, you’re not.”

“Spencer.” You’d never said it so sadly before. Tears were in your eyes for the second time that night. You would have done anything to carve this moment into stone. Sit here in his arms until time forced you into your next life. 

“It’s ok, honey.” He was always reassuring, always safe. “We’ve done this for two thousand years, Y/n. You’re bound to get a little unlucky sometimes.” His optimism in the face of such a crushing development almost made you sick. Some things never change. “I finally have you back, alright? Just lay with me for a while. Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out. We’ve got plenty more lives to live.”

You halted the tears in your eyes, sniffling once to reign yourself in. “Ok.” You laughed, a little tearfully, and kissed him with all the love you had to give. 

Plenty more lives to live.

[actiniumwrites]

hii may i request a hurt/comfort scenario with kazuha and alhaitham where reader feels insecure about their looks >< no need to specify what they feel insecure about specifically but they just don’t think they’re pretty enough for charac !!!

worthy

synopsis: you don’t feel good enough for them. they beg to differ.

characters: kazuha, alhaitham x gn!reader (separate)

warnings: hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, insecurity, crying, some humor, not proofread

notes: thanks for the request, anon! hopefully you enjoy this, i really liked how kazuha’s turned out. alhaitham was so difficult to write for this prompt though 🥲

Kazuha:

You don’t know when it started. When, one day, your brain decided to make the shift from feeling the luckiest in the world to feeling utterly trapped. Maybe it was the way people looked at him, or maybe it was the way you never felt deserving of him in the first place, but either way, it didn’t matter.

It started in little things. Most days it just consisted of you wallowing in your reflection anytime you caught a glimpse of it. A passing moment of painful recollection that makes you feel less than deserving of him.

“Are you alright?” your boyfriend blurts out randomly. It isn’t like him, you think. Kazuha has never been the type of person to waste his words so suddenly without thought. His words are usually sugar coated and flow gently in the wind so as to not evoke harsh emotions.

The question makes you visibly pause. Quietly, you clasp your hands together to stop them from the inevitable shaking. Your shoulders seem to droop a little further and he hates the way your bottom lip dips into a depressing tremble.

“I’m sorry,” you exhale defeatedly, bringing a shaky hand up to cover your mouth.

“What for? I don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong,” his gentle white brows furrow. You hate how concerned he looks. Couldn’t he just be angry for once? At least then you wouldn’t feel so insane.

You bury your face in your hands, trying to shield yourself from not only him, but the entire world. It constantly feels like you have prying eyes on you, tearing apart each and every feature on your body. And, just as you predicted earlier, the tears you’ve become long acquainted with begin to make their way to the forefront of your eyes until they’re too heavy to hold.

Kazuha gently pushes your hands aside, instinctively placing them in your lap so he could wipe away your sadness. Still, you hang your head against your aching chest and let the pain seep out through your voice, “Don’t you hate it? The way I look? Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Bother me? No. Of course not. I love everything about you. I could gaze into a thousand sunsets and the view still wouldn’t be as alluring as you are. There is no amount of stars in the beaming night sky or the deep red of fresh autumn leaves that could compare to you. Every time my hand aches to write a piece of poetry, it longs to write about you.”

You bashfully look away, trying to hide the smile appearing through your frown as you gaze out into the field next to you. Tenderly, Kazuha tilts your face back toward his as his ruby red eyes stare intensely into yours. You look back and forth between them before laughing quietly through your tears.

He hums proudly, shaking your shoulder a bit before leaning in to place a quick kiss to your lips, “and don’t try to deny it. You know every word I speak is nothing but the truth. I would never lie to you, honestly.”

Your eyes soften as you look at him, understanding now that your boyfriend is right. You’ve read his writing enough to know that whatever Kazuha found to hold truly beautiful was indeed actually beautiful. Because, in a world full of subjectivity, his word is like the law.

Alhaitham:

Alhaitham is practically flawless in all ways. It’s something you’ve realized long before you began dating him — began being friends, even. Aside from his harsh personality, he’s handsome, intelligent, a good leader, and so much more.

It makes you question why he’s even with you. Most of the time, you only joke about it with him and sometimes he even laughs about it. But there are the times where it isn’t just a passing comment or silly thought in the back of your mind, but rather, a growing virus that spreads a dangerous, lingering toxin throughout your body.

“Is something the matter?” Alhaitham nudges your shoulder quietly from beside you. He’s nice enough not to embarrass you in front of the group, shockingly. Despite being his partner, he didn’t often spare you of his “cruelties.”

Your eyes snap to his and out of the faraway place of insecure thoughts you were trapped in for a moment. Silently, you nod and return to listening to the group of people presenting a project to Alhaitham for approval at the Akademiya. His eyes continue to linger on you for a second, not buying any lies you might make up to make it seem like you’re okay. As apathetic as he may be, Alhaitham has indeed found a place in his heart to care about you.

But you can’t help but feel insecure as you watch them. All of them are so attractive and everyone in the room looks so drawn to them, eager to get a word in after. It makes you wonder what Alhaitham even sees in you. A man like himself, he could have anyone in the world.

“I could.”

“What?” your head snaps to him in terror, whispering a little too harshly, “did I say that out loud?”

“No. I can read minds, so I know what you’re thinking,” your boyfriend says blankly. You stare at him in sheer panic before the tiniest of smiles breaks out on his face, “I was joking.”

You frown and shove him ever so slightly away from you, “Yeah, well you sure have a funny way of showing it.”

Alhaitham takes one step closer to you than he had before, assuming the position he was in before you pushed him away. Only this time, he gently loops his arm with yours, something he only does when he feels a little more like showing affection. He isn’t the most physically affectionate, but you know what he means by it.

“I’m serious. I know that look on your face,” he whispers from next to you before turning to actually face you, “I could have anyone in the world, so why do you think I chose you?”

“Out of pity? I mean, look around us. I’m not exactly the best looking here,” you mumble, attempting to fight off the growing lump in your throat. So maybe Alhaitham isn’t so perfect, because you sure as hell hate the way he shows comfort.

He sighs irritated, “No, you idiot. Pity is a form of emotion I’ve never felt for anyone, not even you. You’re above the rest of them, so don’t doubt it for a second. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be standing here with you right now.”

“You’re so mean, you know? You don’t have to put other people down just to make me feel better,” you say, fighting a smile. He really should’ve taken a class on human emotion back in his scholar days.

Alhaitham turns away from you now, facing the presenters and ignoring your defense against his words, “I only speak truthfully. You are the only person in all of Teyvat that I want. You can choose to believe it or not, but that’s factual information.”

He’s right. Alhaitham hates lying because he sees no point in it. It’s something he’s told you a thousand times, maybe even more.

“Will you say it then?”

You still don’t believe him anyway.

He quirks a brow, “Say what?”

You hold onto his arm a little tighter, afraid he might slip away from you. That bit of doubt still lingering in your mind, “That you think I’m…you know…?”

Alhaitham sighs but gives in regardless. Staring you dead in the eyes with no room for any semblance of a lie, he whispers quietly, “Yes, I think you’re the prettiest person in all of Teyvat.”

[merlincmgirl]

Your Boys To The Rescue

Summary: You've somehow managed to get trapped in the refresher and it's up to your boys in the Torrent Company to come get you out.

Author's Note: So this is my first clone fic, and the first fic I've written in ages! I was heavily inspired by the tiktok (link below). Please be kind, I hope that I was able to capture everyone right. Can be seen as pre-relationship or platonic reader x torrent company.

Characters: Rex, Kix, Jesse, Fives, Hardcase, Tup, Dogma

Word count: 2020

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe12t8Sr/

You were mortified. Absolutely mortified. Hearing the voices on the other side of the door, arguing between themselves was not making you feel any better. You desperately wanted to disappear but there was no chance of that, not while the kriffing refresher door was stuck.

It was just your luck you decided to shower in the refresher attached to your office. The work you had been doing was still piled high on your desk, and you thought a nice warm shower would be just the thing to relax you and prepare you for the unending amount of flimsi you had to go through. It had been going so well until you realised that you had left your clean uniform in your office and went to go get it, only a towel wrapped around you. A simple, honest mistake that was now costing you because the door was jammed. It refused to open, no matter how many times you had tried.

That had been when Captain Rex had knocked on your office door, wishing to talk to you about some report that you had sent over to him. Your desperation to get out of the refresher outweighed your pride as you banged loudly on the metal door, begging him to help you out and find a way to open the door. He had tried everything to open the door by himself, but after trying everything he could, he had to call in reinforcements.

Now, you were leaning against the counter, towel covering your modesty as Torrent Company tried to either break down the door (Hardcase had swiftly received a slap off someone for that suggestion); or slice the mechanics/electrics of the door to at least slide it open to get you out of there. That suggestion was greatly preferred.

“Mesh’la, how you doing in there?” Rex called through the door. He sounded quite close to it and you shuffled forward so that he could hear you better over the small curses of his men and the sound of tools.

“I’m fine Captain, just… bit cold in here” you admitted, rubbing up and down your arms to try and bring some warmth into them. It had been about half an hour since you got out of the shower, and the cool metal of the room was not helping you at all.

“We’ll warm you up as soon as you as we get you out of here” Hardcase assured, followed swiftly by a cry of pain.

“Hardcase!”

“What?! It was a joke! Lighten up a little Dogma!” Hardcase complained, not sounding a bit sorry about what he said. You couldn’t help but let out a small snicker, used to the clone’s brand of humour.

“Knock it off you two. How are we in getting this door open?” Rex rebuked, bringing them back on task.

“It’s not looking good. Looks like it might be a manual override” you heard Jesse admit quietly. Groaning at your misfortune, you began to pace up and down, as much as you could anyway in the tiny refresher. “Don’t worry, cyare, we’ll get you out of there soon” Jesse promised, not wanting to upset you even more.

“Boys, perhaps we should get a service droid in to fix it?” you suggested, leaning your head against the metal door. It was soothing and brought you out of your head a little.

“We’ve got this, cyar’ika! They teach us slicing in ARC training” Fives bragged, making his brothers groan and tell him to shut up.

“If that was the case, Rex would have been able to get me out. This rate, I’m going to have to give my briefings through the door dressed in a towel!” you complained, unable to help the little pout that pulled at your lips. It was the least you deserved, especially as you had a morning briefing with the Admiral and Generals.

“At least you’d look hot, cyar’ika!” Fives flirted with you, making you smile.

“Not helping Fives!” you chuckled, going back to pacing again.

There was a large creak before lots of cursing and cries of pain. “What happened?” you demanded, rushing to the door and trying to pry it open with your bare hands.

“These di’kuts pulled the wrong circuits and got shocked for their troubles!” a grumbled voice came from further away in your office. You knew that voice, even if it was the same as his millions’ of brothers. Kix was here. Rex must have called him when he had went to get the others.

“Your bedside manner needs work vod!” Jesse complained, shaking his head and going back to the door along with Fives and Hardcase.

“Rex! You called Kix? But I’m fine. I’m not hurt at all!” you argued with the Captain. Now there was even more people to witness your shame and embarrassment.

“Just a precaution, Mesh’la. You can’t be too careful” Rex answered, and you could already imagine the smirk on his face at that. You didn’t like to be checked over by the medics, especially if there were clones who were also injured. You would rather put them in front of you.

“Hey, I think we’ve got it. Stand away from the door ma’am” Tup soft voice warned you. It warmed your inside at how caring these boys was to you.

“Thanks Tup, but there’s not much room in here if it falls in” you informed him, standing as far back as you can.

“Oh wait a minute! I think that’s it!” Fives muttered, voice rising in excitement. By the force you hoped that they had finally got it.

“There’s a piece right there!” Hardcase pointed out, tinkling with the tools in his hand.

“You see that piece right there?” Dogma asked, leaning over his brothers’ shoulders to poke at it. Kix pulled him back before he could get sparked.

“Yeah, yeah, I see it. Hold on” Jesse grunted, trying to move around Hardcase to be able to fix it in place.

“Just hold it right there, no. Not there, di’kut, where I’m pointing! Tup keep the torch still!” Fives grumbled, as his brothers were not helping him at all. You sighed, it had been like this for half an hour, all of them sniping and snapping at each other.

“No, you have to pull it up to the side” Hardcase argued instead.

“I am keeping it still!” Tup added.

“Someone just get General Skywalker! I’m sure he’d be able to fix it in no time!” you begged, desperate to get out of the kriffing refresher and into bed to catch a few hours of sleep before you had to go back to work.

“Men!” Rex’s sharp voice cut through their argument. “Don’t worry mesh’la, I promise they’re nearly done. Just a few more minutes” Rex soothed, hearing how frazzled you were becoming with the situation.

Sighing heavily, you waited for the door to open. You loved these idiots, but god did you feel like killing them right now. They could have their arguments later, but all you wanted was to get out. You didn’t want to be stuck in a refresher all your life. There was plans on the horizon for your future, not dying in the refresher because of the kriffing door!

There was a loud twang and your heart leapt into your throat as you hoped it was the mechanism for the door. But still nothing happened. It kept stubbornly in it’s jam.

“I wouldn’t drive it in though” Dogma frowned, shaking his head at his brothers’ rough work with the delicate pieces of machinery.

“Shut up Dogma!” Jesse huffed back.

“He almost had it then!” Hardcase assured his brother, as the wire in front of them shifted back to where it wasn’t meant to be.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Don’t push it!”

“AHH FIVES! I said DON’T push it!” Jesse cried, as he almost had it again but it slipped through his fingers as Fives moved his screwdriver slightly.

“Well I thought you meant push it!” Fives complained, and you couldn’t help but laugh, burying your head into your hands. The vode always made you laugh, even in the direst of situations.

There was some rattling and without any resistance, the doors pulled apart, revealing the group of men by the door. Hardcase, Jesse, Fives and Dogma was squashed around the panel housing the controls. Tup standing behind them, torch in hand. Rex and Kix was standing in the doorway, both of them looking you over.

“Ooh!” you squeaked out, clutching onto your towel tighter.

Rex, realising that him and his men was getting a good look at you in your towel, quickly snapped out of his heated gaze and turned to address the men. “Eyes front and centre soldiers!” he barked out, making them snap to attention and face forward.

“Er… Captain… I’m still front and centre” you mumbled, heat rushing to your cheeks as Fives winked at you.

“Oh… right… sorry Mesh’la. Avert your eyes!” Rex ordered, voice wavering slightly. If you didn’t know any better, you could have sworn that the Captain’s cheeks were becoming a little redder.

“Hey, cyar’ika, how are you feeling? Any shaking? Signs of hypothermia?” Kix asked, jumping straight into his medic role as he came over to scan you.

“How come he gets to look?” Hardcase complained, making you blush even more.

“Because I’m a medic, and a professional! You might want to look that up, vod!” Kix retorted, before turning back to you. “Anyway, are you experiencing any symptoms of dizziness, nausea?” Kix questioned, running an eye over you as you shivered slightly.

“I’m fine. Just a bit dizzy and tired… and hungry” you admitted, rubbing the back of your neck abashedly.

“Hmm, we should get you sitting down and something to help warm you up” Kix nodded, turning to his commanding officer. Rex nodded, instructing Tup to go and get you something warm from the mess hall.

“Thank you guys, I don’t know what I would do without you” you bid the troopers behind Kix. Tup nodded swiftly and hurried out the room, the back of his neck colouring.

“Come sit down” Rex encouraged, hand coming over to your elbow to help guide you into your office and onto the couch that you had smuggled in with the men’s help last time that you were planet-side.

Rex and Kix helped you to sit down, Kix busying with making sure that you were okay and not hiding anything. “Honestly Kix, I’d tell you if I weren’t doing good. I’m just a bit cold, that’s all. I promise, nothing to worry about” you assured, not noticing the towel fall open on your thigh.

Rex coughed, making his men spin around, mumbling apologies and excuses not to look your way. “I think that’s enough gawking for one night. You’re dismissed” Rex stated, crossing his arms and standing in front of you, trying to block you from sight.

“Wait! Before you go, you’ll have to let me know how I can repay you for this�� you called after them, resting your hand on Rex’s back to help push him gently to one side so you could see your rescuers.

“You can buy us a drink at 79’s if you really want” Jesse suggested, making you beam. That was an easy thing for you to do to repay them for their kindness and help.

“Done!” you agreed, before you remembered a conversation with General Kenobi last time you were on shore leave with the 212th. “Wait! I thought you got drinks free at 79s!” you frowned, as they were nearly out the door.

“Oh the beer we do. The cocktails… well that’s all on you now cyare” Fives teased, before pushing Dogma and Jesse out the door in front of him.

You gaped after their retreating forms. What had you just gotten yourself into?

“I hope you have a lot of money, ad’ika” Kix shook his head, finishing his checks on you and pulling the scanner down.

“Because they’re going to bleed you dry, Mesh’la” Rex chuckled wryly, amused at your surprised at being played by his men.

[belphies-cowgirl]

little things they do for you

word count: 900+

content warning: mentions of body image (if I am missing anything please let me know and I will add it!)

Lucifer

invites you into his study whenever he gets a new record. he prefers listening to it with you in his arms. also, he'll play the piano for you if you ask him.

will praise you for minor or major accomplishments. even if you don't think something deserves praise he gives it to you anyways. he's so proud of his human. 

wakes you up gently by rubbing your back or your shoulder. sometimes if you've stayed up late studying or working he peppers your face with gentle kisses (he will drag you out of bed lovingly if he needs to)

Mammon

will hype you up and be your partner in crime. will indulge in creating chaos or doing something stupid with you. you have his full support and he'd do anything for you, even if it results in him getting strung up by Lucifer. he'll happily take the blame and punishments for you. 

will let you have control over the radio and heat/ac settings in his car. will let you put your feet up on the dashboard too. he bought a car charger for you in case you forget to bring yours and he'll order for you in the drive-thru (has what you want memorized, but still asks if you want something else) 

helps you with chores. does laundry with you and carries your laundry basket (cleans out the lint trap for you too) does the dishes with you, he washes while you dry or vice versa. moves furniture for you while you vacuum (let him woo you by showing off his strength) want to rearrange your room at 3 am? he'll help you. 

Levi

if you're into cosplay he'll make outfits for you. he'll make sure it fits perfectly and has some wiggle room for comfort.

will let you sit on his lap and help you get through hard levels or help you find new areas and items. will guide your hand with his while doing so and praise you. 

if you're anxious about something he'll try anything to ease some of your anxiety. he'll give your hand reassuring squeezes or talk you through a breathing exercise or simply listen to you talk about what's making you anxious. he'll look up more ways to deal with anxiety and practice them with you. 

Satan

texts you quotes from books or poems that remind him of you or when he wants to be romantic. he sometimes takes inspiration from romance novels when planning a date. also surprises you with flowers for no reason. 

will help you study or write an essay. teaches you how to color code, organize, find proper resources, and reassures you that you're doing a good job. he'll be patient and adapt his techniques to any learning style you prefer. 

will spend hours with you in a bookstore, and carry any books you want to buy. if you like to spend a decent amount of time in certain genre aisles, he'll grab books you can't reach or just be content standing near you while you look through the books. 

Asmo

want an outfit that didn't come in your size or was sold out? he'll somehow get it for you or make one for you. need some alterations done? say less. see something you like but you're low on funds? say less. 

have any pain, discomfort, or trouble relaxing? he's got heating pads, pain relievers, an aroma diffuser, bath salts, anything you can think of for pain relief or relaxation. he also gives really good massages. 

will help you with any insecurities you may have. reassuring words, compliments, and sticky notes on any mirrors to remind you that you're beautiful and are worthy of so much more than you think you deserve. will buy you products that help enhance your natural beauty. he'll also help you take care of yourself with little reminders or help you establish and keep up with a daily routine.

Beel

lets you wear his clothes if you're having one of those days where you just want to hide your body or just want to feel super comfy and smell like him.

he reminds you to eat every day. he understands if it's hard sometimes for you to eat at least 3 meals a day or eat when you're not feeling well. will ask if you'd like some of his food or if he can make you anything. will also let you steal food off his plate. 

will support you and keep you motivated if you want to work out. he'll get on the treadmill next to you or go for a walk with you. anything you want to do he'll do it with you. shares his water bottle with you if yours is empty. will make smoothies, protein shakes, or trail mix with you. he'll encourage body positivity, but won't cross any boundaries or make you uncomfortable. 

Belphie

gives you space and understands if you don't want to take a nap with him or cuddle. will offer to let you borrow one of his blankets or pillows to sleep with instead.

will comfort you if you have nightmares or trouble sleeping. don't feel secure after a nightmare? he'll hold you close or act like a weighted blanket for you. 

lets you kick him in your sleep and he'll adapt to any of your sleeping positions. want to sleep like a starfish with one leg up on the wall? that's fine, he'll make room for you and find a different way to cuddle.

✄ ——————————————————————

feel free to comment, reblog, shoot me a message, or an ask <3

please do not use my work as your own! 

[34saveme34]

Sever the Ties - another smg34 fic by yours truly

[Very excited to post this !!

CW: obviously angst, self harm (mainly once), in general a lot of death mentions, no actual deaths though

word count: 11243

Although SMG3 didn't like it when 4 helped him, he convinced him through endless whining to help clean the cafe after the chaos his USB caused (Why does that sound familiar?).

It took the whole day, both were way too exhausted. 3 sat down on one of the chairs guests would usually sit on. A lot of emotions were boiling in him.

“Whew, we’re done, finally!” 4 exclaimed, stretching his arms after completing such a grueling task.

“You didn't need to help” 3 said, contempt dripping off his words. But he was still holding back.

“It's my fault so I kind of did”

3 just sighed and got up, not wanting to further engage in conversation.

4 looked confused, but also upset.

“Dude! Not even a thanks?” he pouted

3 looked back at him, a sort of coldness in his eyes 4 didn't like to be subjected to.

“Thanks for fixing your own mistake. Now scram” he didn't yell, but he wasn't exactly calm either.

“I’m sorry… it wasn't on purpose I promise I… I hope you can forgive me, 3” 4 pleaded, looking 3’s way, his big eyes reflecting off all the sorrow he was feeling about the situation. 3 looked away but that face already made an impression on his mind. It was hard to stay mad at him.

“I know…” his voice was so gentle “This is just how it is with you sometimes, isn't it?” 3 joked, looking back at 4. 4 frowned.

“But! It shouldn't be… I’ve gotta make it up for you somehow…”

“Please don't…” 3 whined.

“I promise it's gonna be good!” 4 gave him a double thumbs up, as he left with an excited grin. 3 could feel a plan cooking up in 4’s brain, there was no way to stop him.

He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

“What did I do to deserve this?” he spoke to himself, with a stupid grin he couldn't wipe off. As he was trying to cope with the idea that 4 could ruin him further, he felt his furry son greeting him by nuzzling his foot.

“Hey there, boy!” as if he was absolved of all worry, he lifted Eggdog in his arms, hugging him. He earned excited barks for it.

“At least I have you” he petted him then put him down. He still felt kind of bittersweet.

He left to his evil lair, and immediately hit the bed. He felt too emotionally unavailable for the shower right now. The bathroom in general. Walking by the mirror in there simply made him feel dread. He didn't think he could develop such a repulsion towards his own image. His whole living place kind of became hell for him for this reason.

He couldn't sleep, it just wasn't working. He got up. His clock read 2 AM. He sighed. Something was on his mind.

“I should get rid of them…” he stared at the statue of himself. Every second that passed as he stared at it, he felt he couldn't even get out of his own merch’s shadows. It all made him feel sick. He got up, and started throwing out everything that used his likeness. All the plushies, cardboard standees and other merch he still had on hand. Not the statue, not yet. He had something special for that.

He put all the merch in a pile and lit it all on fire. It was sad to see but he felt relieved in some way as well. They had been haunting him for weeks at that point. Although the amount of money he spent on these was kinda sad to see go. Just another financial mistake of his, these felt common for him at this point. And it started so well too, with how much he got his hopes up, he plummeted that hard. He barely even realised he started to cry. He wiped his eyes, trying to compose himself but he only started crying more, and not so softly anymore. His breathing wasn't calm either, his brain felt like melting. So much pain in him, trying to turn him into nothing. He looked up at the sky, wondering where he could have gone wrong.

It took him a bit to calm down. He was glad that everyone was probably asleep at this point. The sadness slowly turned into twisted anger. He got up, walking up and down beside his fucked up bonfire, trying to calm himself.

“What did I even do to deserve this? I’ve been trying so hard- I went through so much! I thought I worked enough on myself to have a good life now” he stared up at the sky, as if he expected the stars to have an answer. But they were deadly silent.

“GOD DAMN IT, GIVE ME A REASON” he screamed, still staring up, as if blaming some sort of god for the way he was now. He was once again crying. He harshly sat down. It hurt but at least he wasn't only feeling his emotions that way. The thought made him stop, as he slowly looked to the fire, perhaps bad things forming in his brain. The more he looked at it, the more the fire made an impression on his brain. The way it was so strong, going up but dissipating soon too. It kind of reminded him of himself. Would anyone miss him if he became one with the fire?... Or  was he too much of a coward? He pulled off one of his gloves, his expression still wore sadness. He pulled his sleeve slightly up, not wanting it to catch fire. He reached in. It was kind of overwhelming. His mind felt empty from the pain. He pulled back suddenly as the pain really settled in him,even if it hadn’t been there for that long, crying out again. He couldn't believe it, he was crying again… Why was he such a failure?

“...3?” he heard a soft voice come from behind him, all too familiar. His heart sank. He couldn't look.

“...3! What… What's wrong?” the voice came closer, it seemed he was not getting off the hook with this one.

“Why are you here?” 3 spoke, his voice was strained from the crying.

“I couldn't sleep because of our link… I could feel something was wrong…” 4 kneeled down beside 3, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 3 wasn't sure how to feel. His hand was hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid?

4 grabbed his burnt hand. But he didn't say a thing. He was gentle too, he could see how much it hurt. 4 sighed softly and pulled 3 up.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing??” 3 tried to get away, pulling himself from 4’s grip.

“I want to help. This can't continue”

3 stared at him, so many thoughts attacking him. He felt awful.

“Like you could do anything, dipshit!”

4 was about to look offended but visibly held back.

“If you let me, I can. Please, 3… You know I care about you, right? It's awful to see you like… like this” he grabbed 3’s shoulder firmly, once again beginning to pull him back.

3 sighed.

“You won't let me go, huh?”

“Never ever” 4 smiled at 3, trying to be hopeful. 3 cared too… He really did.

4 took him inside then searched around everywhere he could to find something to treat 3’s burns. As he looked around, that's when he realised all the merch was missing. Their absence made him feel kind of uneasy. He thought for a bit then called Meggy.

“It's 4 in the morning” she sounded upset.

4 went outside, leaving 3 alone inside the cafe. 3 looked his way, but he didn't feel like going after him.

He was on the phone for a bit, probably about a few minutes. 3 didn't go outside but still stared the entire time. 4 came back inside after putting his phone away.

“I called Meggy, she has stuff for your burns”

3 frowned.

“You didn't need to-”

“What were you doing anyways?”

3 looked down, not wanting to look at 4 as he said those next few words.

“Burning merch”

4 was shocked. That's when he put together that what he saw then was all the merch burning.

“What?... What for?” 4 sounded so sad. It killed 3. He wished he could smile at him again.

“No one wanted them anyways, and I hated staring at them only catch dust”

“Still… I… has it really been this bad?”

“I’m surprised you didn't notice…. Then again, you're not exactly best at catching on things”

“Hey I-...” 4 looked down “I guess you're right”

Neither looked at the other. The tension…

Meggy stepped inside the cafe, which got both out of their sudden silence.

“Hey, guys, I brought some burn ointments, I came as soon as I could!”

“Why do you have it anyways?” 3 asked.

“You never know when you might need it!... And my time in the kitchen often leaves me with burns-”

“Fair enough” 4 commented, nodding. It made sense, Meggy is a shitty ass cook. 

4 and Meggy treated 3. 3 was kind of glad they stopped questioning why this even happened. He really really didn't want to talk about it.

“So” 4 started. Oh no.

“What?” 3 didn't dare look at either of them, playing with the bandage they put on his hand.

“What's wrong, SMG3?” Meggy folded her arms, looking concerned. 

“He burnt his merch” 4 told Meggy since 3 was rather silent.

“What??” even she was shocked. 3 was starting to feel like an utter clown, this was torture.

“Yeah… and I feel like it's my fault…” 4’s voice was filled with sorrow. 3 perked up for that, staring at 4 with an expression that was hard to read. It slowly turned soft though.

“It's… not actually” 3 sighed. It was his own fault. 

“I-... I think I still want to help… especially because I think I found something that could help your business out”

3 looked at him confused and scared. Whatever was in this man’s mind could only lead to bad things.

4 took his phone out and showed a picture of a billboard. It had the number on it to call if you wanted to rent it.

3 looked at the picture. Back at 4. Back at the picture, back at 4. He tilted his head. Meggy looked confused as well.

“You could advertise like this!”

“4… I hate to break it to you but I don’t have that kind of money right now”

4 shook his head.

“I’ll pay for it!” 4 pumped a fist into the air cheerfully. He was serious about this.

3 went so wide eyed, not even sure what he was supposed to say.

“THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY, YOU IDIOT???”

“3’s right, 4… that’s a rather big commitment”

“I don’t mind it!”

“The fuck you mean you don’t mind it??” 3 was rather flustered now. The grand gesture proposed to him made him feel all sorts of things.

“I wanna make it up to you, 3… for all the times I had mistreated you” 4 put a hand on 3’s shoulder. 3 was so flustered he didn’t even know what to say anymore. He wasn’t used to being treated so special. 

“Damn, that’s so sweet of you 4, I wish you cared about me this much” Meggy teased 4, 4 didn’t seem to get what she was going for. She didn’t feel like elaborating. 

“Are you sure?” 3 finally got some words out. Didn’t mean he looked any less flustered though.

“Yeah! You deserve it, man!” he patted 3 on his back then pulled him close by the shoulder. It seemed 4 was rather touchy today. And Meggy started to feel awkward about third wheeling. 

“So, guys, I’m gonna go back to sleep now, you’re welcome for my help” she waved them goodbye quickly. It was so interesting to see the 2 get along in their own ways but she still felt like she was intruding on something she shouldn’t.

3 felt like he was left to succumb now that he was left alone with 4. He couldn’t believe that he wished for Meggy to stay longer.

It took everything in him but he just couldn’t… he couldn’t keep it in. He hugged 4. It took a bit but 4 hugged back. They were silent, the hug was long. He wasn’t exactly a fan of affection but 4 got the best of him. He couldn’t help it at this point. 

“You sure are affectionate today” 4 teased 3 softly.

“Not my fault”

“Heh… is it mine?” 4 grinned.

“Yeah yeah” 3 pulled 4 away gently “And now it’s over”

“Thanks, your hugs are nice”

“You do realise how that sounds, right?”

“Well… Sometimes you’re a little gay with the homies, right?” 4 joked. 3 facepalmed. 

“Whatever…”

They stood around for a bit before 4 spoke.

“Say… will you be able to sleep like this?”

3 didn’t even think of that. With the way he got, he almost thought today would be his last day.

“Uh… I don’t know, I probably just… won’t”

4 squinted at him, having none of his bad behaviour.

“No way”

The 2 stared at each other, 3 looking kind of angry, especially since 4 didn’t budge.

“What are you gonna do, beat me to sleep or some shit?” 

“No… That’s mean”

“It’s not like you would cuddle me to sleep-” 3 said. He already said it and he couldn’t take it back. The words he didn’t mean to just put out there but now 4 knew. He knew that 3 considered cuddling him to sleep.

“Not a bad idea… then in the morning we can start on preparing for that billboard!”

3 grew so red.

“I DIDN’T SAY I WANT TO”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“And why are you so for it?”

4 blushed himself, now that he thought about it further… It was a pretty weird idea.

“This once?” 4 pleaded, with those loser puppy dog eyes. 3 sighed.

“Fine”

“Though… you should shower first”

“Being picky now, aren’t we?”

“I can help you with that too” 4 smiled, feeling kind of powerful that he could tease 3. He got slapped. He realised it was kind of deserved.

“Fine, I'll shower. Very VERY far from you”

“I was just joking! I swear!”

3 sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t believe he could be this close to this idiot.

3 showered and came back to 4 by his bed. It was kind of weird but he also sort of looked forward to it. In like a weird, twisted and awful way. He looked away from 4 to the statue he had of himself. It filled him with dread.

“Hey, 4, before we sleep… can you help me bring this out of here?” he pointed at the statue.

“Is it really necessary right now?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with it around”

4 got up, guess there was no other way. They moved it out of the room together, although they had to take it apart a bit so they could fit it out of the door. For the night, they left it in the cafe lounge, he would worry about it later.

Now came the time to sleep. 3 got kind of flustered at 4 opening his arms for him to sleep there. He didn’t even let him go far away, keeping him close, as if he didn’t want to ever let him go… Only 4 knew that that thought was kind of accurate. It was so so uncomfortably comforting, 3 fell asleep pretty fast. If it wasn’t so weird, he’d ask to do this more.

Next day came by, 3 was slow to stir awake. He kind of didn’t feel like getting up. The warmth of 4 was a bit too nice… What the the fuck do you mean? Get yourself together! 3 wriggled himself out of 4’s hold and went to the bathroom to splash his face with water. He had to get himself together.

But man… He still missed it. How could he even cope with this?

He went back to his room and sat beside the still sleeping 4. He still couldn’t believe 4 just cuddled him last night. He thought he would never do something like that. It kind of intrigued him in a way. He wondered if he made this side of him trigger with what he did last night. He frowned, thinking of the possibility. He didn’t want to hurt 4. At least… he hoped he didn’t want to hurt 4. The idea made him kind of sick. 

He only realised how intensely he was staring at 4 when he woke up, his eyes meeting his own. He suddenly turned away, as if he hadn’t been looking at 4 for who knew how long at that point. 4 smiled about that, he was glad to see that 3 cared. Although he didn’t speak up about it… It was still too early for him. He lightly tugged on 3’s arm.

“What?” 3 looked at him unamused.

“Coffee?” 4 requested with one simple word.

3 just stared at him. 4 frowned.

“Pretty please”

3 rolled his eyes, he got up and went outside to make one for 4. 4 took that time to still relax in 3’s bed. He didn’t think it would be so nice sleeping beside 3. Although the idea was spontaneous and if the circumstances were different, he wouldn’t have done it… But his need to see 3 okay won him over like this. 

3 was brewing the coffee, while it was going, he phoned some dude up, apparently from the dark web. As soon as he put his phone down, a shady dude came out from the floor and took the disassembled statue, leaving a few coins behind for a fair trade. 3 picked them up. At least he could get a little money out of his sudden spring cleaning. 

3 went back down to 4 with the coffee, made to 4’s liking, he knew his taste pretty well at this point. Even if he didn’t have a lot of customers anymore, 4 would still come every once in a while. 

4 took the coffee, taking a sip, he hummed with delight.

“Great as always” 4 commented, drinking more of it. 3 was glad that even if his business was dying, he still managed to make banger coffee that 4 liked.

“Thanks”

“No no, thank YOU”

“Whatever, you’re welcome” 3 smiled, folding his arms.

“Hey… don’t you wanna come beside me” the warmth radiating off of 4 was quite beckoning.

“What would I for? Not like I have business with you”

4 deflated.

“You kinda do, considering what we talked about yesterday…” 4 pulled out his laptop “I guess you don’t want to save your business?” 

3 went wide eyed. He accepted defeat and sat beside 4. 

“So… we should probably put together your ad!” 4 exclaimed “Now I uh… I had this idea for a while… and I made some mock ups!” 4 said and opened up a folder that held a few images.

They weren’t exactly well drawn and 4 didn’t have the most legible writing. 3 often had to lean in close to see them. After looking at them all, he looked at 4 and chuckled.

“I see graphic design is your passion” he teased.

“I did this for you!”

“They look like shit”

“Nooo,,”

“What were you even trying to write here?” 3 opened one of the images back up.

“It’s-! I… I don’t remember? Ahaha” 4 laughed awkwardly. 3 rolled his eyes, somehow not believing this idiot could make himself look even less smart. 

“Let’s start this again…” 3 got up and brought back a pen tablet. 

“Didn’t know you had one of these”

“I got it not too long ago actually! It’s great to use” 3 took 4’s laptop in his own lap and plugged in his tablet.

“Uh-” 3 started “ do you mind if I download the software for it? It works better that way”

“Sure, go on… just don’t get me viruses!”

“I’m not as much of an idiot as you are!”

“You sure like grilling me today”

“It’s just what I do” 3 laughed. 

After he downloaded the software and set it up, he started to mock something up in ms paint, aka man’s best friend. Nobody does it like you, my dear, Microsoft paint!

It actually looked better than what 4 did, although the tablet definitely played a part in making it better. 4 noticed it was an advertisement for a job.

“You want to hire?” 4 pointed it out.

“Yeah… I think it would be the solution”

“Huh… wait” 4 inspected it more “That’s… not a lot of money for this kind of job”

3 frowned.

“I… I know but I can’t currently offer more”

“Man.. are you really that broke? You can come stay with me if you wa-”

“No way. Never”

“Okay…”

“You’re really obsessed with me…”

“I… I’m just worried about you… yesterday made me realise how I could easily lose you if I didn’t well… yeah”

3 shut up for a bit.

“... I was afraid you’d say that”

The 2 stayed silent for a bit. Lots of feelings around the 2.

“I’m honest though, man, I care a lot”

“I know already ugh just… yeah… I’m sorry, I should be glad you’re helping me”

4 chuckled.

“I’ll still take constructive criticism, but ONLY if you’re not too mean”

“I can try” 3 laughed.

They continue to perfect the ad. It turned out pretty pathetic in the end but at least it got the message across.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a while since they put the ad out. The more time that passed, the more it felt futile. 3 felt worse than ever, not only did he have a dying business, he also had 4 spending so much money on him and for what? He felt like shit. It was hard to force himself to keep the cafe at least a little clean. And keeping up with daily routines had never been so hard either, as much as it was then. It was killing him from the inside. He wondered if it was even a good idea for him to move there and start this.

However each time he was slowly succumbing to the dark, 4 pulled him out and helped him. He sort of became an unofficial worker in a way. 3 hated that. Not only did he spend so much money on him, he also helped him around without asking for compensation. It made him feel weak, as even this much help didn’t pull him out of it.

It was especially an awful day. He didn’t even try to open the cafe, he just stayed in his room with the lights off. It had been weeks at this point and there still wasn’t anybody coming to help him out… He wished he could’ve done better. But maybe he was just destined to be a miserable shadow of someone better… 4, he was… great. 3 wished he had half the success. The jealousy in his brain had only been growing. He always tried to push it to the back of his mind for the sake of 4, he didn’t want to hurt him. 4 was too great for something like that. He didn’t want to further bury him in his own burden. 

“3? Are you in here?” he heard 4 call out to him from the elevator. He just couldn’t stay away from 3, no matter how many times it seemed reaching out to him wouldn't work out further.

“I’m fine” 3’s voice was muffled by the fact that he was underneath the covers, his face smothered in his pillow.

4 frowned as he walked up to 3’s bed. He sat beside 3. He hesitated for a bit but leaned down to hug 3. 3 didn’t want this… He loved it.

“3, c’mon man I’m…. I’m sure someone will answer your ad soon enough! It’s too early to give up”

“4… listen” 3 sat up, pushing 4 off of himself “I’m… I’ve failed. I don’t get why… you just don’t give up on me at this point. What’s the point of helping me if it doesn’t lead anywhere?”

4 could only stare shocked, not wanting to admit that those words were just uttered to him.

“You can’t say that…”

“I’m right, 4… I think it’s too late for me… just… just let me rot here”

“But… I don’t want to”

“Leave”

“3…”

“Why don’t you get it? It’s futile. I’m not worth it, 4. There’s so many better things and people you can put all this energy into”

“You’re.. you’re…” 4 was lightly shaking, he was really upset by that “You’re more…” tears slipped and streamed down his face.

“Look at you… I’m the reason you’re like this” 3 admitted “It.. genuinely might be better for you”

“WHY do you WANT ME TO STAY AWAY SO BADLY???” 4 got up, upset, crying, accusing, tired. Exhausted. 

“BECAUSE I DON’T DESERVE YOU AT ALL, YOU’RE STRUGGLING BECAUSE OF ME”

“I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HELP FOR ONCE”

“IT WOULD HELP IF YOU LEFT ME ALONE”

“AND LET YOU ROT??” the tears wouldn’t stop coming, only becoming more intense.

“YES, IT’S WHAT I DESERVE”

“NO! NO! NO! NO IT’S NOT TRUE” he cried, not sure what to do or say anymore. 

“Just… leave… it will be better for the both of us. Make your funny videos”

4 felt almost betrayed, it seemed no matter how hard he pressed, he couldn’t get through 3 anymore. He left, feeling undone in a sense. Yes, the situation had been draining him quite a bit but he did it for his friend, his friend who he really really cared about! A friend he would give the whole world for if he could. And yet, here he was, leaving because he kept failing 3. He felt like shit. Of course when he wanted to be there for 3 fully and help him achieve his dreams, that’s when things would turn this sour. 

He might have gone back to his room now but the inspiration wouldn’t come. The thought that he failed 3 just occupied his mind too much. He knew how bad it was to miss uploads but he just… He couldn’t do this. He decided to release a community post, saying that there would be a bit of a hiatus until he was able to resolve something. He sighed, trying to look for a way to make things better. He wondered if he should really just stop. If 3 was right about the fact that he just needed to stop and leave 3. But the more he stayed away, the more it felt like the whole in his heart, the place 3 took for himself only got bigger. Like a fatal wound.

It had been days since he was told to leave 3 alone. He decided to check on him again, even if by force, he would make something happen. He entered 3’s lair, looking for him but finding nothing. His room looked as messy as ever, nothing was that out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that 3 wasn’t here. 4 started to grow more and more worried. 3 was gone. 3  WAS GONE. WHERE. IS. HE? 

He alerted his friends, who also came to help, though not everyone. Just Meggy, Tari, Saiko, Mario, Luigi and Melony when she wasn’t sleeping. They searched and searched, especially 4, it was almost like he never stopped searching. Day and night he would go to the cafe and look around, often he didn’t even sleep in his room if he would sleep at all. It was the only thing he had of 3 in that way, although it wasn’t as comforting as he wished it to be. But it was more than nothing and he should be grateful. Although it was kind of silly, he looked through the burnt merch, and while he found nothing in tact, he found a plush that was still recognisable. Just seeing it made him cry. He kept it. It turned into a charm for him, not his good luck charm, rather his charm of hope. Hope for the idea that 3 is still out there and that he would be able to find him.

He was reaching the end of his ropes, but then he realised. He could reach out to 1 and 2 for help! Yes, that’s it… He called the 2, scared, they could tell based on his voice that things were NOT good.

“So… you don’t know where he went?” 1 questioned.

“I… yeah… but I… I can still feel that he’s still alive… I know it”

“Alright, we’re gonna teach you a bit of a complex move to help you track down SMG3. You… really need to concentrate. And calm down” 2 looked concerned.

“Yeah, you look super tense” 1 commented, also concerned.

“Sorry sorry… I just really care about him”

“Yeah… He is your partner after all” 2 pat him on the shoulder “it’s only natural”

“He’s also… my friend” 4 could cry all over again. He didn’t think that one day he would be here, feeling dysfunctional at the thought of SMG3 of all people leaving him behind. And yet…

The 2 both grabbed 4’s hand, trying to channel for him. 4 tried to take a deep breath to concentrate. This was for 3… He would do anything for 3. He couldn’t fail him again. 

Suddenly, 4 felt sharp pain in his stomach, which made him fall to the ground.

“Are you okay??” 2 looked worried, 1 was too.

“I’ve never seen something like this happen…”

“Huh?” 4 looked up, shocked at the revelation.

“This shouldn’t be possible” 2 noted as well. This only made 4 more visibly worried.

“Not possible?” 

“Look… I think we should try again” 1 sighed, he knew it had to be done “As much as I’d rather not, I want to try and see… if we can figure it out”

4 nodded, not really fighting it. If it meant they could find 3…

They once again all held hands, and it happened again.

“Hmmm… he only wants you” 1 noted.

“How do you know that?” 2 looked at him, also puzzled.

“I was paying attention to the force stopping us. It was clearly pulling 4 away from us, not the other way around. It only wants you”

“But I- How do I do it on my own?”

“We’ll help from- from here” 2 tried to reassure 4.

“We can’t lose hope yet” 1 also tried.

4 had a headache coming on at this point but he persisted. He wanted to see 3 again and make sure he wouldn’t come to harm’s way ever again.

“Okay… yeah, you’re both right” 4 tried to concentrate. Linking his own hands kind of helped, almost like making a loop link. He closed his eyes. It felt like he was transported in a different place.

He couldn’t see anything much, beside a shadow resembling 3. The shadow knew he was there and that he wanted answers. It didn’t speak directly, only whispers but seemingly not coming from the shadow entity directly. The whispers were incomprehensible yet somehow 4 was still given an image in his head, it burned into his mind. The scenery of a castle that felt impossible. It felt familiar to him in a way. It bared resemblance to Peach’s castle that once stood proud and tall but missing important things, looking like an abandoned version of it. With dark energy emanating from inside.  But he could feel it… 3 was there. Waiting for him. He… He wanted him to come? But… Only him… nobody else… He would have to…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He sat up, he didn’t realise it before but he was put in a bed.

“Hey, you’re finally awake!” 2 said coming beside him.

“What… what happened?”

“The move drained you and you passed out” 1 said, also noticing that 4 woke up “What did you see?”

“It was a castle but… he wants me to go alone”

“What, alone?” 

“That’s just…”

“I have to” 4 stood up from bed “I think… I guess we have a score to settle”

“Are you sure about this?” 1 asked.

“I’m… I am, yeah. What’s the worst that could happen anyways?” 

“A lot can happen”

“At least I’ll see him again” 4 got up and left the 2 SMGs without another word. Both concluded that 4 truly grew desperate. 

4 left on his own, well… Not entirely. He had memes just in case something went wrong. Or if he had to escape a life or death situation. Anything felt possible at this point. He even started to make peace with the idea that he’d get badly hurt anyways. At least he’d be able to see 3 again… maybe with his last breath, he could hold him again… Although that might have sounded a bit too sad. His biggest wish was still to take 3 home and make everything work out again. Turn everything back to normal… What was normal anyways?

He arrived at the entrance of the castle. It was boarded up. He thought for a bit… How should he get through this? Although he didn’t like the trend, he summoned a tik tok, one of those where the food on a plate had bites taken out of it to the beat of a song and then the plate as well. The tiktok managed to chew off the boards to the beat. At least it was useful for once.

He went inside, it was oddly dark, though he could tell it was supposed to resemble Peach’s castle to an extent. but rooms seemed to be missing, which made the main hall even bigger than it was before. The emptiness of it was slowly making 4 anxious… No, he had to keep moving! 

He didn’t have a flashlight with him, which made it a bit hard to explore. But he moved along anyway, concentrating. He could feel 3. He knew he had to be there. He felt infinitely close. As he moved around, he noticed eyes. Eyes were staring at him and only him. More and more of them. Paying attention to every little movement he was making. Not only that, they felt uncomfortably familiar. He didn’t like thinking about it… He didn’t want to go back to the day he lost so much. He felt more and more anxious. 

But the eyes would only stare. But  even if they were only staring, they had him surrounded. It felt like that day, feeling so isolated against your will. Being forced into solitude, something you never wanted in the first place.

He sat down on the ground. He didn’t know what he should do.

“Are you here?” 4 called out softly, his voice shaky. He was way too nervous from this.

He didn’t get an answer back. Only eyes that came closer and closer to him, closing in… Until it was all dark.

It was all dark until a screen was put in front of him. It was bright from being all white, 4 took a bit to adjust to it. There was text on it in black.

“Scared?” it read “Don’t be. It’ll be over soon”

4 looked terrified. Over soon? Will he actually die here? Sure it was a thought that crossed his mind but- but he wasn’t ready for this!

“I just want him back…” 4 sobbed, tears rolling down his face.

“How selfish” the text read. 

“I want him back so I can fix things… make it up to him”

The screen went blank for a bit. It left 4 more nervous.

“3… I uh…” 4 panicked, not knowing what to say “You know- we need you, man. The crew isn’t the same without you! You’re important!”

The screen still did not show an answer. 

“What should I do…” 4 didn’t know anymore.

“Leave” the screen showed simply.

“No… That’s the one thing I can’t do. Not anymore” 4 grabbed the screen, finding something within himself to keep going “I can’t leave without him”

the screen shone bright, covering 4 in brightness, pulling him inside. 

After a whole black room, he was inside a whole white room. Somehow it still felt the exact same, even if he could see now. 

4 thought about what meme could help him in this situation. His mind drew a blank. What was he supposed to do in a blank room? He got up and walked around. Maybe he can find a weakness to this room. He pushed around, finding the edge of the room. He pushed with all his might. Although he wasn’t very strong. Then he got an idea.

He pulled out Beeg.

“Grow, boy!!” 4 commanded him with a big, determined smile.

Now usually Beeg wasn’t one to listen but knowing what was going on, he grew bigger and bigger, pushing at the room more than 4 could ever. 4 cheered him on. 

The room collapsed, they were… they were inside the same room where… Oh. Memories.

Beeg shrunk and went back to 4. 

He walked up to the table in the room. It felt just like the one in his old home. It was furnished similarly, even with the demonic keyboard. He resented looking at it. The fact that he got it made him feel awful all over again. Maybe it really would have been better if he just died there… But 3 saved him. Now it was time for payback. 

“So, what do you want me to do?” he called out. 

He looked around, seeing no one around. Or that was what he thought until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around but he saw no one. He felt confused… Then he could feel a poke at his side. He looked, nothing. Another poke coming from the other side. He looked, still nothing. And then another. Then another. Faster and faster until he was more annoyed than scared or confused and was also starting to feel a bit dizzy. He swore he could hear laughing.

“Hey! This isn’t funny!”

The poke attack suddenly stopped, as the monitor on the table turned on, which caught his attention. It had his editing program opened. The clips, pictures and sounds that were in the library were all too familiar to him.

“Is this some kind of sick joke? You know I couldn’t make that video by myself!” 4 was rather annoyed again. Why did he have to relive this again? He sat in front of the computer but didn’t touch the keyboard.

“And why is this thing here? Do you really expect me to work with it? I… I don’t want to go back to my lowest point”

The keyboard emanated an energy that made 4 feel so scared. He forgot how it can… manipulate you. He was about to reach for it but- he had to stay strong! This could not be the end of his story. Not the end of THEIR story. With 3. He knew… There had to be a way. If 3 saved him before, he had to pay back. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it was his fault for 3 being gone. 

He grabbed the keyboard and broke it in half. It screamed in its eldritch ways, releasing black blood. There was a lot of it. The monitor turned off.

“You’re not getting me like this! I don’t want a perfect video, I want you!”

4 stopped for a second. Only after saying it did he realise how odd that sounded. But he meant it. No matter how uh… not so straight it sounded.

He got up, looking around the room. He couldn’t wait for whatever entity was around to mess around with him even more.

He noticed a camera following his movement. He got close to the camera, trying to see if he could find a source or reason for it. 

“You think I’m gonna feel shame for being broadcasted?” the camera turned around, instead showing footage it recorded. It had a lot of 3’s rants to himself. How many times he was stuck being the loser out of the 2 of them. How even when they turn out to be friends, he got the shorter end of it all. How everything around him only seemed to fall apart. Especially… when he and 4 got even closer. 4 felt shocked. He never knew he could feel this much emotional pain but… here he was… Being shown that he was only a source of failure for 3. 

The screen of the camera turned off after it finished showing everything.

4 didn’t know what to do with himself. He… He didn’t know he hurt 3 so much. He felt so miserable. And conflicted, would it really be best for them to… part ways? 

He stared at the turned off camera, trying to just… process everything.

The camera turned on again, although the screen was black but something seemed to move closer, like a dark shape, the dark shape reached out, in the form of a hand. 4 panicked and quickly backed away from the camera. The room went dark on the side of the camera, but the figure, although dark, was still noticeable through the dark. Especially for those red eyes. Those iconic red eyes… this was no doubt 3. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 4 cried. 

“I did now” 3 spoke, his voice echoey, coming from all directions.

“What… What happened to you?” 4 was so scared. So devastated.

“I embraced the shadows… If you don’t fit anywhere else, why leave?”

4 didn’t know what to say, all he could do was cry.

“I wish I could’ve been there for you more, 3”

“You only would’ve ruined things more”

“But-”

“Now leave… or I’ll do something awful”

“You-” 4 was having none of that “I… I’m standing by what I said. I’m not leaving without you”

“Well, if you say so” 3 walked up to him, grabbing his hand. It was cold… It felt uncomfortable.

“Huh- What happened to you? Why… is your hand so cold?”

“What, you miss soft SMG3’s warm little hand or something? You miss when I held back?”

“What- What are you saying?”

“I’ve always felt miserable. This” he held his hand, intertwined with 4’s hand “Has made my life hell”

“Our… Guardian link?”

“Exactly” 3 squeezed 4’s hand but it wasn’t comfortable. Somehow there was still something behind it. Something that gave 4 hope.

“What?”

“Well, it’s something we have to live with, of course it’s not gonna always be a great time! It doesn’t mean you need to destroy the world over it”

“It can be broken”

“Our link can be destroyed and I know how to do it”

“WHAT??”

“I CAN FINALLY BREAK AWAY FROM YOU”

“DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THIS MUCH???”

“THE OPPOSITE, YOU IDIOT”

“What..?”

“This link… This link gave me feelings I never wanted. I never wanted to feel nice about being close to you. It made me feel awful. Each fucking time. Yet I let you in, because this stupid fucking link made me weak about it. This stupid guardian link is at fault…”

3 gripped on 4’s hand even harder.

“3… no if- if you destroyed it- WE DON’T KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN, THIS IS SO SELFISH OF YOU”

“WELL FUCK, LET ME BE SELFISH SOMETIMES, YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

Some sort of red-black energy appeared around the 2, and familiar marks appeared on 3. The energy 4 could feel was familiar too… and scary.

“Anti meme energy..? Where-”

“You’re right” 3 laughed “In the end it’s truly the answer to all my misery!”

“No! 3! This is too dangerous! What if you got hurt??”

“I’ll take the risk!”

slowly, the marks appeared on 4 too. 3 was too strong… holding him back took everything in 4 and it still wasn’t enough.

The moment the link between the 2 was severed. It felt like 4 died. He didn’t but it felt like he did. Something beautiful inside him was gone now. the marks turned black, his hand was too.

He could barely stand, falling on his ass.

3 didn’t seem better. Even if he had the power of whoever was on his side now, it still didn’t change the fact that he got rid of something in himself that was deeply inherent to him. 

The 2 just laid there, facing each other. The pain they felt made it too hard to move. 

The emptiness 4 felt was unbearable. Even if he was able to get up, he didn’t know what he would do. He really didn’t anymore. He wondered if this was meant to happen.

3 took a while himself, he was clearly hurt, even when he got up. He moved slowly, pain in every step he took. He didn’t dare look 4’s way. He was wondering if it was only the pain or if he actually began to regret what he had done. He didn’t feel like figuring it out, so he left the room, leaving 4 by himself. 

4 just laid there. Maybe he should just… not do anything… What was it worth anymore?

He closed his eyes, thinking about everything that happened in his life. All the memories, friends he made. All the time when he thought he made amends with 3, only seemingly repeatedly stabbing him in the back instead. Honestly, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anyways knowing that he did that. Maybe he was being dramatic but… Whatever.

It felt like an eternity when he heard commotion from outside. He didn’t really care to check. He kind of embraced death at this point.

“4!! SMG4” he heard a voice he did not care to check.

“OH NO!” another voice came right beside him “I think he’s still alive- let’s take him back”

He was too tired to protest, even if he didn’t want to go.

The journey home felt kind of dull. Knowing what 3 did, it just… it broke him. He felt like it wasn’t only their link… that even disregarding that, in general the fact that 3 chose to depart from him hurt him in many other ways. He… really came to like him over the years. Seeing how he became so selfless, so helpful, so amazing too… 4 still kind of felt bad that 3 couldn’t see that about himself. He wished he was less stubborn and told him more. Though he was sure that wouldn’t have changed a thing anyways. But still, he wished he could tell 3 more that he found him so amazing in ways he never did with anyone else… he… he loved him.

4 suddenly shot up, the realisation hitting him like a truck.

“Woa-” Meggy was one of the ones who carried him, momentarily losing balance from 4’s sudden movement.

Mario was on his other side, he seemed to take 4’s stupidity better. One could say he was used to 4’s antics.

4 took a bit to catch his breath as they all stopped.

“Are you okay?” Tari came running to him.

“I think I love him” was all 4 could say before starting to cry. Truly, today wasn’t his day. Lots of tears.

“As in… SMG3?” Meggy asked.

“Yeah…” 4 looked down.

Mario patted him on the back.

“Mario knew you would realise at some point”

“About time, these last weeks have been ridiculous” Clench came out too. He was rather annoyed with the 2 at this point.

“It’s not that unexpected, yeah” Meggy chuckled.

A lot of the others held a similar reaction, no one seemed surprised.

4 didn’t look too happy though.

“He left… he left me there” 4 spoke again, looking up at the sky. He still felt way too empty.

“What happened anyways?” Tari asked.

“He…” 4 tried holding back the tears. Not very successfully at that. “I… I’ll need to discuss this later with SMG1 and 2…”

Everyone left him alone. The rest of the road back home was rather gloomy. 4 was starting to feel like it wasn’t only him who felt 3’s painful absence. 

They helped him in his room to rest for a bit. After a while, 1 and 2 came into his room.

“We heard you wanted to speak with us” 1 said.

“Yeah… It’s bad”

“We could tell based on your black scars” 2 commented, pointing at how bad his face looked.

“He… He broke our link”

They both looked at him shocked, then at each other. The reaction made 4 feel even worse.

“That’s… how did he…”

“With… anti meme energy… I don’t know how he got it but… I have a bad feeling about this in general”

“Tell us everything” 1 had a determined look. 

4 proceeded to tell them about everything. The way he was approached by 3, the weird dark change of his appearance, his comment of becoming one with the shadows. It seemed to leave both 1 and 2 speechless.

“Whoever is behind this” 1 spoke “They know enough to be clearly dangerous”

“Do you… Do you think I could mend my link with 3?” 4 looked up at the ceiling. He found that not looking at people made it easier to not cry.

“We… don’t know” 2 sighed. Neither of them had an idea.

“We’ve never seen anything like this happen before… we can try to look around for information to see if we can find something”

“It’s only natural… especially because the world is weaker without your link”

4 looked at them, smiling softly.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that”

“It is?”

“Everyone is able to feel it” 2 said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s one of the pillars of a stable universe. Whoever told 3 how to break it must have done it to… oh no, 1, we should start searching right away!” the 2 ran out in a hurry. 

4 chuckled dryly at that. It really wasn’t funny to him, he just found it kind of ironic in a way. Destroying 3’s life meant he’d also destroy the world… It was kind of fitting how especially now, 3 felt like the whole world for him. He wished he knew earlier so at least he could’ve told him before they parted ways like that. 

~~~

4 didn’t do much for a few days. He spent the day coping. Healing. He could move around better after a while but his mental state didn’t get better. He couldn’t get 3 out of his mind. He thought that their link being gone meant that the opposite of this would happen but no. His friends tried to cheer him up with memes they would send him. Sure they got a chuckle out of him but these weren’t nearly enough to stop his sadness. 

He was watching his own videos where 3 appeared when 1 and 2 came in his room.

“WE FOUND SOMETHING” 2 jumped through the door.

“Yeah?” 4 asked, trying to put on a smile.

“Yes! Your connection isn’t necessarily lost forever!”

“R– Really??” 4 looked at them with colour appearing in his eyes. There’s a way after all!

“Yes- considering it’s still fresh, and you don’t seem to care any less, there could still be a way. But the catch… 3 has to want it too”

“Huh…” 4 thought out loud “I mean, that makes sense… I wonder if he would…”

“We’ll at least try our best to convince him”

“Right right! Even though I was told I ruined his life” 4 looked away. He still didn’t know what to do with all his feelings about that.

“Ruined his life?” 2 questioned.

“He said that… I only ever seemed to make his life worse… and that I only made things worse when I helped him”

The 2 looked at each other then back at 4.

“What do you exactly mean by this?”

“Uh… He said that his businesses always seemed to fail around me, no matter how much he tried, and that things that would ruin him further… connected right back to me”

The 2 shared another look.

“Now… don’t panic but” 1 started.

“Someone was disrupting your link!” 2 finished 1’s thought.

“Huh?”

“It sounds like it. As we were looking at all the information we could find on links, we found that in certain ways, outside people can interact with links that are not theirs.That’s how we also tried to help you find 3 but we were blocked out by some force. And it’s not a meme guardian exclusive thing. So… Someone must have got in and… yeah”

4 looked shocked.

“So… It’s not my fault?”

“No, it’s not” they both comforted him.

This actually managed to make him feel better. Finally, something that could help him fix everything. Even if it will take a while.

“I was thinking… can you guys… still train me, even if alone? I… want to be stronger when I see him again. Because I’m sure I will… It can’t end like this”

Both nodded.

“We won’t go easy on you” 2 joked.

“Better not” 4 laughed.

The 3 of them left to train that day, 4 trained until he was exhausted. He was glad to push himself considering how he had been for the last few days. He felt a little more free now. Just you wait, 3…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a week since he really started training again. It was actually something that managed to make him feel better. He was wondering where 3 was at this point. On what point of the World he could’ve been. When he wasn’t able to sleep, he would look at places where he could be in. Making a list…

His cafe - he wasn’t

Internet graveyard - he wasn’t 

That castle where he severed their link - he wasn’t

Peach’s castle - he wasn’t

Any of the Anti cast’s own living places - he wasn’t 

Right by his side  - 4 wished he was

His list only got longer with all the wrong answers. Just yesterday, they put out an announcement that if anyone sees any trace of 3, they should alert the crew. Though 4 thought of it as a bit hopeless. 

He could only take his mind off it all with training. His days would be spent either training or sleeping. He left very little time for anything else. It started to worry the others, he realised as well but he just couldn’t stop. Not being whole can feel so devastating.

And he didn’t take it well in a more and more unhealthy way. He didn’t show it to anyone else, but he kept the burnt SMG3 plushie he found from the fire incident. From a beacon of hope, it went to something he would sleep with. It was starting to feel like he would never be able to sleep without it. He didn’t feel much shame in it anymore but he treasured it too much to just show it to anyone else. He needed to protect it at all costs. Sometimes he would talk to it, pretending like it was 3. Telling it so much. Telling everything that was inside his heart, all he wished he could actually tell 3. He truly felt like he reached a new low.

If that wasn’t already bad enough, he started having nightmares too.

Nightmares where he’d follow 3 but kept losing him. Nightmares that seemed to have a different face appear inside them as well. One he did not recognise yet felt familiar… Having a familiar painful feeling. He hated seeing the face. He would many times try to kill the figure but it felt as though they could read his mind, as they dodged his every move with a wide grin. But each time.. He would get closer… Surroundings would become clearer.

One time, it got so clear… He got an insane idea.

He searched up the place he saw… It was a real place. An abandoned studio. Weirdly fitting in a way.

“So, you want to go there because you dreamed about it?” Meggy asked. Some of the gang was gathered there.

“This entity’s influence must be strong if you’re getting dreams like that” 1 believed him. He had really no reason to lie.

“Wait, you believe him?”

“Yes, it is plausible. We already established someone interfered with their connection”

“So it could be that guy! And now they’re taunting 4!” 2 excitedly finished the thought.

4 smiled at the 2 of them.

“Thanks, guys. But yes… I want to go there. I need to… figure out what’s exactly happening”

“And save 3” Tari came up to him as well, reassuring him.

“Especially save 3” 4 smiled at her.

With the newfound determination, the squad, even with 1 and 2 included, headed for the studio building.

The building itself felt more than abandoned in a way. It looked like something went down inside there, a struggle of shorts. Walking in, they noticed the walls covered in gunshots, the place more dusty than would be usual for a place like this. And in some places, a disturbing amount of dried blood was spilled. What must have happened to this place was definitely sudden, quick and gruesome. Just staying in there made them all feel bad for the ex workers. They split up, searching the rooms in smaller groups since it wasn’t exactly a small building. 

4 was searching with 1 and 2. 4 tried to push on even into darker rooms. Although he didn’t have the link to help anymore, he listened to  3… his words burned into his brain. So he paid attention to the darkest places, not letting the shadows go unaddressed, even if it got increasingly scary. 4 kind of didn’t care about that at this point. He had already lost too much to care, though he didn’t exactly tell this to his friends. It felt a bit selfish to him but it was genuinely feeling like there wasn’t much to live for without 3. 

It was starting to feel kind of hopeless until a shadow looked weird. He looked at it, suspicions forming in his brain. He reached out but the shadow grabbed him first.

Before 1 or 2 were able to react, 4 was already gone, being pulled into the shadows.

4 was thrown  back into a dark room that felt all too familiar at this point. In front of him was 3, still as shadowed as ever. At least they could see each other. They stared for a bit, both trying to see what the other one was feeling. 3 pulled 4 closer, in a kind of threatening way, which felt weird and sudden. Something in 4 made him wonder if he was perhaps influenced by something to do that.

“I told you to stay away”

4 sighed, a smile appearing on his face, which weirded 3 out.

“It’s impossible”

“No it’s not just-” he looked away, seemingly thinking but it felt more than that.

“...Let’s talk” 4 had a soft gaze on 3. If he had to die, he didn’t want to spend his last moments arguing with 3.

“We… We already had that… you should go… I did it for you as well”

4 still kept the calmness but the light eye twitch gave away that he didn’t like what he was hearing.

“It wasn’t our fault actually”

3 looked at him shocked. Then thought for a bit.

“I mean I… didn’t mean to make you feel like you… I know that you didn’t ACTUALLY mean to ruin me-”

“No no, you don’t understand, we basically got hacked”

“Hacked? What the hell you mean-” 3 questioned but got stopped by immense pain as he grabbed for his head groaning.

“Oh no, are you okay?” 4 immediately jumped beside him, with a hand on his upper back for support.

“How can I believe you?” 3 looked at him weakly.

“We… actually found out outside forces can… influence guardian links”

3 took a bit to take that in, looking away from 4, seemingly staring into the dark. Very intensely at that. He looked back at 4, pretty pissed.

“So someone framed you?” he looked like he was about to blow up.

“We think so…”

“So I… I” 3’s face softened. 

4 knew what he felt, he hugged 3. He didn’t resist. Slowly, 3 leaned into 4’s touch.

“You know… it’s funny” 3 spoke again “I thought without the link if you came after me again… that I could just end you as soon as I saw you… but I…” he once again felt pain so he had to stop.

“3!!” 

“It’s… We… uh” 3 looked weak.

“We’ll help you, don’t worry! The others are here too… we… we will help, man!”

3 couldn’t help but smile at 4, even through the pain.

“But I already ruined it… I.. I did that to you… I was told how to do it and I…”

“I still care about you”

3 looked at him, something in him breaking with tears rolling down his face.

“How can you?”

“We… We’re friends… we’ve been through a lot… you think I’m gonna let you go when you once risked your life to save me? You didn’t need to. You could have left me to my perfect video but you didn’t. Didn’t it feel like I betrayed you? But you came back either way.”

“That… That’s true”

“It’s… just another thing I love about you, 3”

The word choice made 3 a little flustered. 4 chuckled at that.

“You can’t just say sappy shit like that”

“You think I don’t mean it or something?”

“No no… It’s obvious you do, don’t worry”

“But uhm genuinely I’ve… I’ve been thinking and-”

And just as soon as 4 thought maybe he could tell 3- 3 got grabbed by a hand before not seen. However at this point it was familiar to him. He stood up and went right after, it was no use though. 4 didn’t lose hope yet. He was more angry right now if anything.

“NOT EVEN GONNA LET ME TELL HIM I LOVE HIM??” 4 called out “WELL THEN DO IT FOR ME PLEASE, BITCH”

The figure he had been seeing in his dreams came out of the shadows. Much clearer now, he could still see their wide, unfeeling smile. He didn’t know a TV screen headed guy could be such a piece of shit.

“You’re a feisty one”

“YOU”

“Ah, what, came back because you weren’t satisfied with the service? Sorry, no refunds!”

They started to walk away but 4 grabbed them.

“SERVICE??”

“The keyboard”

4 stopped.

“The…keyboard…?”

Then he realised.

“And it’s not like I even forced it on you” they laughed “You were the one who chose to buy it. Even with SMG3, I didn’t force him! HE joined me HIMSELF and-”

“You think I’m gonna let you go with what you did?” 

They laughed.

“No… And that’s what I want!” the words scared 4 “With even all your friends! Such a great deal”

“WHAT are you?”

“I’m… oh there’s no fun in that, I’m only here to make a great show!”

“I don’t know if you noticed but I’m the show runner here!”

“It looked like you needed some help”

4 tried to punch them but then he was gone from the dark, right back beside 1 and 2.

“4!!! 4, you’re back!!” both hurried there beside him.

“Yes… I am'' 4 didn’t lose his anger a single bit. Those were the words of someone who is truly despicable. He only wanted to kill them more now. 

They only got one more calm moment before the building shook beneath them. It was loud, almost like the building was alive. 

“Oh no! We need to get out of here” 1 panicked, 2 and 4 followed behind, although 4 did so reluctantly. He knew 3 was in here. He didn’t want him gone.

Everyone evacuated. 4 stared at the building going down, he couldn’t just stand there, he had to run back, even if it would take him away as well.

He searched everywhere. Maybe it was the TV guy letting their guard down, but he was actually able to spot 3 in the real world now. He was still covered in those shadows though.

“3!!!” he cried out, running for the other who only then noticed him.

“4, you should get out of here”

“Not without you”

“Then we might not be able to get out…”

“I’ll… rather be going away with you than live knowing you died”

“You know- you’re pretty attached as well, even without the…” 3 looked away then back 4. He couldn’t help but smile at 4. It felt kind of nice in the end. It was easier to admit now.

“That’s cuz I love you” 4 reciprocated the smile.

3 looked away again, rather flustered at the words. But there was still a smile visible on his face.

“Like um… as in? Like that? Fuck, I’m sounding so stupid right now” 3 laughed at his own incompetence.

“Yeah uh… are you okay with that?” 4 returned the awkward laugh.

3 chuckled before grabbing 4’s face.

“What do you think, stupid?”

“I’m… glad” 

They both leaned in, just about at the same time. The kiss came naturally. But it was so much more than that. They pulled each other close, it all just felt… perfect. Complete. So complete, as the scar on both of their faces started glowing. They didn’t know when they linked hands but with both hands held, they could see white strings appear, glowing with immense power, more and more appearing, connecting the 2.

The sight mesmerised both so much, they pulled in for another kiss, which only made the light stronger, ridding 3 fully of his corruption.

The light grew so big, like an explosion. An explosion of so much emotion before unspoken.

The light grew so big, the crew outside noticed.

“They did it!” 2 jumped up “That’s a lot of meme guardian energy”

“Right on” 1 laughed “You know, I’m proud of them… they came so far”

“They really did” Meggy joined the 2.

“Will they be able to get out though?” Tari was concerned.

But then the light only grew larger and faster at that, basically taking in the whole building. It was strong enough to knock everyone on their asses.

As the light dissipated, the 2 hovered up from all the debris. Both looked unharmed, their hands linked.

Everyone came up to hug them. It had been a while since they had such a big and emotional hug.

“We’re so glad you 2 are safe”

“I can’t believe you actually made it out”

“You guys better not do anything this reckless ever again”

These were some comments the 2 received. But they were happy they made it out, made it out alive and together. There were a lot of things unanswered but none of that mattered now. At least not for now.

[nrdmssgs]

Sorry but I NEED a happy ending for Nikto and that reader. An AU, What If, whatever, but I need fluff and happiness

Pieces of them

Masterlist

Part 1

Pairing: Nikto x f reader Angst\comfort Reader goes KIA

Thank you @amongthe141 for encouraging me for writing more for this guy, thank you to a very dear @atenceladusiaawfytbwb for reminding me about this story. @iwanncry @bogboyfriendbreadslice @sinner-sinta loves, sorry for bothering you, but just in case, you wanted a happy ending - here it is.

"Are you out or not? I don't have all night!" She laughs.

Nikto doesn't like it when she laughs - it feels as if someone tickles him from the inside.

"Dumb ritual," he mutters, taking a step outside and facing dark night skies.

"Anything, I come up with is dumb, of course." Her voice is calm and unbothered by his commentaries. "Now tell me, which one do you see?"

He lifts his head. Usually he manages to recognize two, or at best three, constellations. But today he is almost going blind from the brightness of the myriad stars. They are so large that it seems that he can reach some of them with his hand.

Niktos breath catches in his throat. Why didn't he notice this before? Why didn't he see all these stars hovering right above his head? The night sky became so wildly mesmerizing, since...

"Hello, it seems you are trying to reach me, while I'm deployed. Leave your message, and I'll call back after an ungodly amount of sleep, hot shower and a few decent meals. Bye!"

He winces. Just recently, she called him every evening and forced him to go outside before bed and tell her at least two constellations that he could see above his head. Recently. Or maybe it was a million years ago, in a past life? Or did this not happen at all? Maybe he made her up?

Nikto shakes his head. Her voice, pre-recorded for the inbox, is not a figment of his imagination. And this sky above is unusually bright, but still real. He raises his head, covers his mouth and howls in horror and pain.

***

The worst thing is that there's even no body left to bury. She was confirmed to be KIA, yet Nikto couldn't even say goodbye.

First he waited by her door. Like a dog on a leash. Scared and desperate. Like a beggar. Hopeless.

He wrote her, he wrote so much, but never got an answer. So Nikto ran away, not being able to spend one more night at her doorstep, waiting for nothing. Ever since, he was on the run, chasing the last traces of her. He barely slept or ate and just drove from one hospital to another, inspecting their list of deceived soldiers.

Nikto deserved that last goodbye. Even if her body was all deformed, even if there were just a few bones left - it was still better than chasing her pre-recorded voice every evening and suffocate himself to not howl at the moon.

His squadmates try to reach out to him, buts it's no use - Nikto ignores their calls and doesn't bother reading messages. He keeps chasing her ghost and that is all that matters.

Until one day he stumbles upon König himself at one of the hospitals. Nikto notices a printed list of names in his hand and pulls it harshly, almost tearing the paper apart.

"She's not there."

Nikto ignores Colonels words and goes through the list, quietly muttering names. Only to find out, that König is right.

A crumpled piece of paper flies into the wall, to the displeasure of the head nurse. The Colonel picks it up, carefully straightens it and places it back on the counter.

"We are not ok about her fate, just as you. We can search together, An-"

"Shut up! I'm not searching just for a squadmate, not trying to lighten my conscience! You don't know who she was! Even she didn't..." Nikto stops himself in the middle of the sentence. He knows, It's wrong to vent his anger to the Colonel, who did nothing wrong in the first place.

***

König starts sending Nikto strange addresses: they switch from military hospitals to the organizations helping war survivors. The search becomes much more complicated, because many people, who end up in such facilities, have no IDs. So Nikto has to visit each ward and have long talks with nurses.

It drains his last bits of energy, so when he hears 'we actually have someone fitting your description', he doesn't even react right away. Nikto nods automatically, stands up and stops only at the doors.

"Wait, there is someone?" He rushes back and nearly knocks the nurse over.

Grabbing her hands, he barely whispers 'please, let me see, just one glance, please' with his white, dry lips.

He expects to be escorted to the basement, where the morgue is usually located, but is taken to the common room. A few people slowly walk along it with absolutely lost faces. But Nikto doesn’t look at them - his gaze rests on the painfully familiar profile. Her face.

Eyes tired and faded. Her skin is pale, her hair is very short, and there is a long and voluminous scar on the head. Nikto notices that she is shaking.

“She’s cold. Do you have warmer clothes or a blanket here? I’ll pay for anything!” He turns and meets the sympathetic gaze of the nurse. Irritated, he knocks on the glass door. Several people turn to look at him, but she doesn't pay any attention.

"Sir, I'm afraid you don't quite understand the situation correctly. She experienced clinical death, woke up from a coma. These tremors are not from the cold." After these words, Nikto already feels his hands getting colder.

He begs the nurse to let them speak. "A minute, just a minute!" But she leads him away from the room.

"Sir, she needs to be prepared for any meeting. Meanwhile, we will need some documentary evidence of your affiliation. We have to protect our patients from any illegal encounters."

For a split second Nikto imagines, how long would it take him to push her to any room on their way and block the door, so he can run back. But he shakes his head, banishing the mental image.

He patiently listens and even writes down, what documents he has to provide. He covers his own mouth, when the voices inside line up in the choir, asking him to scream.

***

Nikto fights for a single chance to talk to her, as if his life depends on it: despite his anger, he contacts König, asks for a help with forging required papers, he takes his own meds religiously, fearing to harm her otherwise.

He counts minutes, till he can hold her hand, just make sure, it is really her. Alive.

When he is finally allowed to talk to her - the nurse asks Nikto to wait, while she makes sure, the patient is ready. He stands awkwardly in the doorway, as the nurse sits on the bed next to her and tells her something softly.

In a few minutes she nods and the nurse walks past Nikto. "No sudden moves, keep your voice down. She gets scared easily. There will be personnel right behind her door," she whispers and leaves them alone.

Nikto walks around the bed and finally sees her: a mere shadow of a warrior, an almost lifeless shell, curled up, hugging her knees. Words roll up in a lump in his throat, and he just descends on his knees, trying to meet her lost gaze.

At first, she hides her eyes, as if not looking at him would make him not existing in her world. Nikto cant believe, this is all that left of the smiling, lively, skillful amazing her. His hand raises to the huge, ugly scar on her head automatically, but she catches him and shakes her head in a silent plea.

"Of course. I-I`m sorry, I won't touch... Of course, I won't. I'm so sorry." His voice is just a tad louder than a whisper.

Feeling, that his voice is shaking, Nikto takes a deep breath and looks her in the eyes. He wants to tell her so much, every cell in his body begs to hold her, cover her with a blanket, warm her. But he knows better than to stress her with too much information or questions or contact. He's been reading days and nights now about her current state. That's why Nikto just sits before her, staring into her face.

She reaches out to his cheeks, and he wakes from his stupor.

"My face must be scary. I brought a mask, but they said, it might scare you even more." Nikto shows her the mask, but she pushes it away and rests her hands on his face. It's only when her fingers touch his skin - he realizes, his cheeks, chin and neck are wet with tears.

He tries to get a grip on himself, but her touch crushes the last bit of self-control, he had. Tears keep running down his face as she cups it with all the care of this world.

"They will come. They will come. They will come. They will come." At first, he doesn't make anything from the words, leaving her lips. He is so shocked by her tenderness, that he is afraid to move or talk back.

She brings him closer and closer, until she hugs Nikto, clinging to him desperately and repeating 'they will come'. Only when her face hides on his shoulder, Nikto masters a simple question.

"Who will come? You're waiting for someone?"

She keeps muttering the same mantra, but points at a bed drawer. Nikto hesitates for a few long minutes, not wanting to scare her off by a sudden movement.

He reaches out and opens the drawer, which appears to be full of... pieces of paper. He hugs her back with one hand and takes a handful of pieces with the other.

Several pieces of paper fall to the floor with a dry rustle. Nikto squints his eyes at the remaining pieces of paper and freezes. A star map. Torn into tiny pieces. Their nightly ritual has survived everything - even death.

Maybe she didn’t remember him, maybe she didn’t remember what exactly they did in the evenings, but this starry sky, even in the form of a map, remained with her as small pieces of hope. Pieces from which she assembled him and herself.

Nikto opens his palm, letting the remaining paper fall on the ground, and hugs her with both hands finally. He finally finds the right words for her.

"We've come for you, love."

[captain-hawks]

trace the outlines of your dreams

jean kirstein x f!reader

summary: Jean saves you in the midst of a bloody battle, and in the aftermath, you both figure out some important things—the impending end of the world be damned. [set during episode 85]

word count: 4.9k

content: 18+ ONLY, NSFW, best friends to lovers speed run, unrequited love? jk its requited, blood + injuries, protective jean, but UNprotected sex, rough sex, jean's big dick, fingering, praise kink, dry humping, light dom!jean vibes, creampie

In the years that have passed since you first joined the Scout Regiment, you’ve imagined a thousand different ways you might possibly die while bearing the weight of that damned winged insignia on your chest.

A thousand ways you’d go down fighting tooth and nail, bloody and battered but with the knowledge that, at the very least, you’d tried to help make a difference.

But after all this time, you still hadn’t thought you’d make your last stand here of all places: cornered in the narrow space between two looming buildings by three of your former comrades—now Jaegerists—struggling to stand on your own two feet and virtually defenseless. 

They advance on you slowly, snickering as your smashed ODM gear refuses to cooperate, not any sort of state to function after how hard you were tackled against the unforgiving brick building mid-air just moments ago. Your gear absorbed a decent amount of the blow, enough for all of the important bits to be irreparably damaged, but not before your head took a hit as well. Warm blood drips down your face, and you blink hard against the wave of dizziness that threatens to overcome your senses. 

The futile step you attempt to take backward has you gritting your teeth, ankle barking in pain, protesting that you’re asking any more of it after the impact your legs took when you landed on the dusty gravel. You consider calling out for the others, but you know they’ll never hear you over the chaos of the battle that’s unfolding, the roar of the Titans reverberating deep in the marrow of your bones. 

Maybe you’ve finally run out of your share of borrowed time. 

The Jaegerists continue to close in on you, snickering at the way you try to steel yourself even in the face of oncoming death, and your mind goes quiet for a moment as you let it settle on one last thought—you hope that if nothing else, Jean lives to see this through to the very end.

He deserves the quiet life he’s always wanted. 

“Oh, it’s you.”

A shudder runs down your spine as a voice full of disdain sends your attention careening back to the present. 

Floch.

The Jaegerists hastily sidestep as the red-haired man swiftly pushes his way between them, blood that you’re certain doesn’t belong to him smearing across his brow as he runs a hand through his hair and offers you a grin that’s downright feral. With a dismissive wave of his hand, his comrades take their leave back to the roof and into the fray of battle. 

“I was upset when I realized that you left me, you know,” he drawls, reaching out to brush his thumb over your jaw.

Your stomach roils, and Floch clicks his tongue when you turn away from his touch, firmly grasping your chin. You can feel the warm, sticky blood his fingers leave in their wake as he continues, “I had a feeling Jean might betray me. But you? How could you?”

The rough feeling of brick digs into your shoulders as he crowds you against the wall of the building, his breath hot against your face. 

Floch was always a little too interested in you, even before things really started to go to hell. At least that’s what Jean always grumbled, anyway. So when you finally, briefly, deigned to give him the time of day, if only to help your fellow comrades pull one over on the Jaegerists before making a run for it, you should have known the volatile man would be anything but forgiving when he realized you’d been batting your eyes and swaying your hips to distract him.

“Get your hands off of me, Floch,” you growl, the anger flaring up inside of you at odds with the rapid, terrified beating of your heart.

Floch blatantly ignores you, choosing instead to run a finger over your bottom lip, and the coppery tang of blood seeps into your mouth. You stifle the urge to gag, knowing how badly he wants you to flinch. 

“It’s a bit sad…how you’ve always followed Jean like a loyal little lap dog. Waiting and waiting for him to notice you, too fucking stupid to realize he’s obviously in love with Mikasa.”

His words hit you like a slap to the face.

Your knees threaten to give out beneath you under the weight of a truth you know you can’t look away from. Not now that someone’s finally said it out loud. 

You really hadn’t thought it would end like this—with a whimper.

“We could have had something, you and I,” he rasps, leaning in so close that his lips nearly brush over yours. “If only you weren’t so busy drooling over Kirstein’s dick.”

“I would have never picked you, Floch. Not now, not ever,” you whisper, eyes boring into his with one last shred of defiance as the world beneath your feet begins to ripple, your body feeling the effects of the blood loss from your head wound.

Something dark flashes in Floch’s eyes. “Kirstein probably won’t even realize you’re gone when I’m done with you. What a shame.”

You suck in a breath as he reaches a hand down to grasp a blade, willing your body to rally just enough strength to surge forward and tackle him. At the very least, you could go down with a fight. 

…but when the quiet, familiar whine of a wire and the deliberate crunch of boots along gravel is followed by the one voice that you know the cadence of by heart, you realize that you won’t have to. 

“Get your fucking hands off of her.”

A blade gleams at Floch’s neck as Jean Kirstein steps up behind him, your best friend’s eyes burning with rage. You can’t help the sob that rips from your throat when his expression softens ever so slightly when he steals a glance over at you, though his jaw ticks when he notices the smear of blood the other man left behind on your face. 

For all Jean’s hesitation about this leg of the mission, his uncertainty about his ability to take the lives of his brainwashed comrades, you know that he’ll kill Floch right here and right now. You can see it in his posture, the utter stillness of his body. The way this entire moment feels utterly frozen in time as Floch realizes it, too. 

And even if part of you wants it, wants to live out whatever’s left of what might be your final days knowing that Floch finally got what was coming to him, you know it’s not worth the risk. Not when shouts have begun to ring out from your friends, urging everyone to get to the ship. Not when you know Jean will hold the other man back with his bare hands so you can escape without him, if that’s what it comes down to. 

So it’s the subtle shake of your head that determines Jean’s next move, one that doesn’t involve his blade and Floch’s throat. Instead, with nothing but the element of surprise on your side, Floch is blindsided by the foot you drive between his legs with all your might, white-hot pain blooming from your ankle at the impact. The moment that he drops down onto one knee, groaning, is all that Jean needs to pull you to him. 

“Jean,” you choke out, his name caught somewhere between a gasp and a sob as you collapse into him and fist your hands in his shirt, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs, protectively wrapping one arm around you as he engages his ODM gear and carries you both toward the docks. And despite all of the chaos unraveling all around you, you swear that you can feel Jean’s heart pounding in his chest just as hard as your own. 

The next few hours after you set off to sea are a blur, your body still shaking with adrenaline as various sets of hands examine your injuries. Everything feels a little fuzzy around the edges, and the most you can really register is the warm press of Jean against you all the while and the tickle of his hair along your cheek each time he growls at someone to be gentle when you groan in pain as they clean and dress your wounds. 

It’s dark out when you finally come to, the fog in your mind parting as you wake up to find your limbs tangled in a scratchy wool blanket. You sit up, the thin mattress creaking beneath you, and rub at your eyes as they adjust to the dim lighting in the room. A small lantern sits perched on a table nearby, illuminating a cup that you can only hope contains water. Exhaling a quiet sigh of relief when you tentatively place it to your lips and confirm your suspicions, you drink heavily, only pausing at the sound of footsteps scuffing outside of the doorway.

“There’s another open room next to Conny’s,” you hear Armin say.

“She’s staying with me,” Jean’s voice cuts in, brokering no room for argument. 

You put the cup down and settle back onto the bed, watching as the sliver of light from the outline of the door grows when Jean carefully steps into the room, pushing it shut again behind him. 

When he realizes you’re sitting up, he swiftly crosses the room, coming to sit beside you on the mattress.

“You’re up,” he exhales, sounding relieved.

You offer him a small smile, hyper aware of the way his knee brushes against yours, heartbeat thundering when he reaches out to tilt your chin toward him. Vaguely, you wonder if you’re dreaming. 

“Your head finally stopped bleeding,” he comments, eyeing the bandage on your head. 

Right.

Mentally kicking yourself, you meet his gaze, willing your voice to stay steady as you say, “Thanks for saving me, Jean.”

One of his hands finds its way to your leg, fingers softly curling over your knee. “You know I always will,” he murmurs, echoing the promise he’d made to you years ago when you both joined the Scout Regiment. 

In another life, maybe that version of you would be selfish enough to grasp Jean by his collar and kiss him right here and now for those words, pretending you misunderstood their meaning. Words that could mean so much more in another context, were it not for the stark line of demarcation between your feelings for him and the reality of your friendship. 

Maybe you’d climb into his lap and try to make him forget all about her.

Even just for one night.

“I feel like you shouldn’t be thinking so hard after splitting your head open,” Jean comments with a chuckle when he observes your furrowed brows, gently pressing his fingertips to your temple as his attention shakes you from your thoughts.

“Sorry, it’s just been a long day,” you lie, feigning a stretch for good measure.

Jean drops his hand back down to his side as you shift, looking sheepish. “Long week, long year. You’re telling me. I think we both need a vacation.”

You snort, finally willing yourself to ask, “How’s Mikasa?”

Jean tilts his head to the side at the question, eyes narrowing a bit. “She’s fine. Armin’s a little worse for wear, but he’ll heal up soon.”

You nod, turning your gaze to the corner of the room. “You don’t need to stay in here with me tonight if you want to go and keep her company. I’ll be okay.”

Your best friend looks nothing short of perplexed at the clear insinuation in your words. “...why would I do that?”

“Because you…” you trail off, not sure why it’s so hard to verbalize Jean’s crush to his face.

Jean’s fingers brush along your cheek, urging you to look at him. “I what?”

You huff in annoyance, not sure why he’s making you say it outloud. “You and Mikasa…”

“There’s no ‘me and Mikasa’,” he says plainly. 

Heart thundering in your chest, you glare at him before looking up at the ceiling in embarrassment and exasperation. “And there’s not ever going to be if you don’t get it together and tell her how you feel before we all die here.”

Jean clicks his tongue against his teeth, and your entire body goes still at the sudden feeling of his hot breath caressing the shell of your ear, “But she’s not the person I’ve been too much of a coward to tell how I feel.”

What?

“What?” you breathe out, whipping around to face him, the air swiftly leaving your lungs when you realize just how close he is, the tip of your nose brushing against his own.

Jean’s thumb traces your lower lip. “It’s always been you.”

At a loss for words, all you can manage to get out is, “Why now?”

“I used to hope you’d find someone that’d convince you to leave the Scouts and live a safe life behind the walls, something I couldn’t give you.”

Your heart aches at that, knowing that’s the life Jean always wanted, too. The one he left behind knowing how selfish it would be to waste the talent he could offer to the Scouts.. 

And perhaps it makes sense now—the way he’d subtly tried to find ways to hint that maybe you shouldn’t join the Regiment after all, all those years ago. The conflicted look of pain in his eyes the first time you’d proudly worn the Wings of Freedom.

“I didn’t think I could ever be enough to deserve you,” he continues. “Not even now.”

Hearing the uncertainty in Jean’s voice throws you off-kilter; it’s a far cry from the confident man you know him to be. You can’t help but offer him an incredulous look in return, baffled by the irony of it all—he’s the only person you care to spend the rest of your life with, after all. 

Even if this is all you have left—these last few days, hours, moments. 

A choked out sound leaves Jean’s mouth; apparently you said that out loud. “So you’re telling me…”

He cups the back of your head, eyes searching your face.

“...I should have done this…”

His other hand finds yours, fingers lacing together.

“...a long time ago.”

A shudder crawls down your spine at the feeling of Jean’s lips brushing atop your own. It’s a tentative touch, one that you press back into between one breath and the next. And as you sigh against his mouth, your own fingers reaching up to tangle in his hair, Jean stops holding back.

Legs hanging over the edge of the bed, Jean swiftly pulls you into his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around you as his lips chase yours with fervor. You straddle him, basking in the warmth of his body heat pressing into your own, savoring the rough press of the calluses on his fingers—built up from years of using the ODM gear—as he explores the expanse of bare skin on your back where your shirt has bunched up.

You can hardly be bothered to break for air as Jean’s lips slot against yours, toes curling against the mattress when he licks his way inside of your mouth. He groans as the kiss grows messier, your body arching into his at the feeling of his tongue tangling with your own. 

Once upon a time, you’d exclaimed that nothing could compare to the feeling of finally mastering the ODM gear, the exhilarating rush of clearing rooftops and treelines with such seamless precision. The swelling elation in your chest to finally understand what it feels like to fly.

It’s a feeling that you’ve chased for years, the feeling that’s carried you through each and every battle to this day.

Kissing Jean feels like that—like flying.

But there’s no anchor here. No wires. No blades at your hips nor enemies at your back.

With Jean’s lips on yours, you float untethered, the weight on your shoulders and heaviness of your heart long forgotten passengers left far below as you soar. 

And you let go, freefalling. Knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’ll catch you. 

He’ll always catch you.

Jean’s lips part from yours to blaze a hot trail along the curve of your jaw, pressing kisses along your neck. Dragging his teeth along the sensitive skin where your earlobe meets the hinge of your jaw, his voice is rough as he murmurs, “I love you.”

There’s a hitch in his breath when you say it back without hesitation—it’s a truth you’ve always known yourself to feel, even if you could never tell him as much. He pulls you impossibly closer, fingers digging into your hips, mouth seeking yours out once more.

And as you feel his growing hardness beneath you, you can’t help but pointedly rock into the cradle of his lap, a breathy moan leaving you at the pressure of his cock rubbing against you. The sensation and Jean’s own answering moan draw up memories of all the nights you spent imagining this, face buried against your pillow to muffle the sounds as you fingered yourself to thoughts of your best friend right there in your bed in the barracks. 

If your lives still held any semblance of normalcy, maybe you’d prolong this endeavor, taking your time to savor the taste of Jean’s mouth on your own first before anything else, exploring him in bits and pieces. 

But with what may very well be the end of the world looming far too close for comfort, there’s no time for patience. 

“Can I…do you want to…?” Jean trails off, breathing heavily as his fingers toy with the hem of your shirt, the rest of the question dancing in his eyes as he’s clearly having the same thoughts as you are. 

“Jean Kirstein, if I die without fucking you—”

He doesn’t give you the chance to finish your sentence, cutting you off with a kiss as his hands find their way to your breasts. He’s barely begun to squeeze them before you break apart from him for a moment, slipping off your top and tossing it halfway across the room before grabbing for his shirt as well. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Jean breathes out once you pull his shirt over his head, pausing to take in the sight of your supple breasts before him, running a thumb across one of your peaked nipples. 

His mouth quirks upward at the way you shiver in response to his touch, eyes blazing with hunger when your lips part, silently begging for more. Jean leans in, taking one of your nipples into his mouth, and you thread your fingers into his hair, urging him to continue as he shamelessly begins to suckle at the sensitive bud. 

You’re helpless to deny your body’s need to grind down onto Jean’s bulge, your folds pressing into your slick, damp underwear with each thrust of your hips. His lips slide away from your breasts so he can sink his teeth into your shoulder, muffling the feral groan that rumbles in his chest in response to the way you’ve desperately begun to dry hump his cock. 

Fingers trail along the waistband of your pants, flicking them open with ease to gain access to the soft, white cotton panties beneath. Jean nips his way up your neck, pausing to suck at your pulse point as he asks, “Are you wet for me?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer as he slips a hand into your underwear, a strangled “oh” the only sound he’s able to offer for a moment once he realizes you’re fucking soaked. He swipes three dexterous fingers along your sensitive slit, pulling them out of your pants to marvel at the sticky mess dripping off of his digits before licking each one clean. 

The sight of that alone nearly sends you over the edge, your tight hole fluttering in anticipation. You rock your hips once more, and his eyes glint with a hint of amusement as his hand makes its way back into your underwear.

Jean wastes no time in sinking a finger into your waiting hole, slowly sliding it in and out of you as he presses hot, open-mouthed kisses to the underside of your jaw. Meanwhile, you grasp his throbbing cock through his pants, fingers teasing at the wet spot of precum that’s soaked through the material, and he bucks upward into your touch.

“Fuck, baby,” he pants, stretching you open with another finger while his free hand gropes your breasts. You move your hips quicker than the diligent thrusts of his fingers, asking for more, and his chuckle drips through you like warm honey as he obliges your request with a third digit and murmurs, “How’s this?”

The sound of him fucking you with his fingers is downright obscene, the digits squelching wetly with each movement. The pleasure mounting within you has your thighs trembling with anticipation. But as you continue to fondle the outline of his cock, all you can think about is how goddamn big it feels. 

“Jean,” you whine, incapable of stringing together words to appropriately express the sentiment that you’d really, really like him to fuck you stupid with his dick right now.

He cups your face, the tender gesture at odds with the fingers curling and stroking your spongy inner walls. Jean leans in to capture your mouth in a messy, heated kiss, leaving a string of saliva trailing from your lips to his when he pulls back slightly to murmur, “If you want more, you have to come on my fingers first.”

You’ve spent more time than you’ll ever admit fantasizing the dirty, filthy things Jean might say to you while taking you apart, thoughts that have clung to your mind and sometimes forced you to avoid your best friend out of embarrassment for days at a time. 

But nothing can compare to this—the way his rough voice scrapes alive each and every nerve ending in the deepest recesses of your body. The undeniably dominant tone each word is laced with, and the instinctual reaction it viscerally awakens inside of you. 

Jean’s thumb presses into your swollen clit at the same time he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down, and the swelling wave of pleasure in your abdomen finally crests. Your entire body tenses as you moan, riding out your climax on his fingers until the overstimulation has your legs quivering for momentary reprieve.

“Good girl,” he praises, slowly pulling his sticky fingers out of your pants. 

You don’t hesitate to reach for his waiting cock, eager to feel its thick warmth cradled in your fingers, but he gently nudges your hand away, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You huff in annoyance, and he shakes his head, “You’ve got me so wound up, I won’t last like this.”

“You wanna fuck me, Jean?” you coyly ask.

Idly teasing at one of your nipples, Jean’s answering grin is nothing short of wolfish. “You’re so tight, we’ll have to see if you can take me.”

You raise an eyebrow at the hint of challenge in his tone, though if what you’ve felt through his pants is anything to go by, you can’t deny it’s likely warranted.

The bedsheets rustle and the mattress squeaks as you both make quick work of the remainder of your clothes, underwear and pants left forgotten on the floor while Jean kisses and nips his way up the planes and curves of your naked body, his hands exploring each and every dip and crevice with reverence. When his lips finally meet yours once more, his hair tickling your face as he leans over top of you, anticipation curls in your gut at the feeling of what now presses against your naked body.

Your eyes trail down Jean’s chest, fingernails gently scraping over his nipples, and he sucks in a breath as you slide closer to your destination. His thick cock is a sight to behold, hanging heavily between his legs, and there’s not a trace of shame in the way your mouth waters at the thought of him stretching your slick cunt open with it.

As if reading your thoughts, Jean pushes your thighs apart, slapping his fat length against the puffy, sensitive folds of your pussy. Your back arches up off of the mattress of its own accord, and he hums, one hand firmly grasping your hip as the other wipes the flushed head of his shaft up and down your sticky slit. 

His name spills from your kiss-swollen lips, your neck muscles straining from how hard you’re pressing your head back down into the pillow underneath you. And when your drenched cunt greedily accepts the tip of his cock as he notches it at your entrance, pumping a spit-soaked palm along the length of it, it’s all you can do not to spear yourself on him entirely. 

“So eager,” Jean muses, watching the telltale signs of your thinly veiled restraint as he makes no effort to move any further. 

“Jean, please,” you beg, fully aware that this reaction is exactly what he wanted. 

He leans down, mouth latching onto one of your breasts, and you gasp as he slides into you just a little bit further while he traces wet, messy circles around your hard nipple. You grasp a fistful of his hair, finding another reason to be thankful for the way he’s let it grow out as of late as you tug his face up to yours.

“Yes?” he asks, a sparkle of mirth dancing in his lustful gaze as he smiles down at you.

“Fuck me,” you pant out, tightening your grip on his hair.

You hardly have time to appreciate the moan that drags out of him before he kisses you hard, plunging the full length of his cock into your cunt, directly to the hilt. The stretch is like nothing you’ve ever felt before, your walls spasming in protest as all of the air punches out of your lungs. But despite the impossibly tight fit, your pussy greedily takes every inch of Jean’s cock, tears of pleasure pricking at the corners of your eyes. 

“Holy shit,” Jean moans as your pussy clamps down on him, so hot and wet he nearly blows his load right then and there. “You’re so fucking tight.”

Fresh arousal dribbles wetly from your entrance and onto the base of his shaft, each and every nerve ending in your body buzzing like a livewire. You can feel his cock throbbing inside of you, swallowed up within the warmth of your cunt, his balls hanging heavily against your ass. Jean’s careful as he begins to ease out of you, well aware of the way your walls are so desperately choking his thick length. 

It’s why he’s surprised when you grasp at the soft strands of his hair once more and breathe out impatiently, “I’m not going to break, you know.”

Jean leans in and murmurs against your lips, “What are you trying to say? You like it rough?”

You nod, running your teeth along his bottom lip, “Yeah, Jean. I do.”

Cock now resting at your fluttering entrance once more, Jean groans as he snaps his hips into yours, burying himself deep in your soaking wet pussy. 

“So perfect,” he murmurs as you writhe and keen in pleasure beneath him, your tits bouncing with each thrust as he begins to ravage your hole. “Taking me so, so good.”

“Feels so good,” you nearly sob, head spinning with the pleasure threatening to spill over inside of you. 

Jean’s kisses are all tongues and teeth, filthy and messy as his thrusts begin to grow sloppy. “Come all over my cock, baby. Please,” he groans. “Please, please.”

He’s begging for it, begging to feel your cunt clamp down and gush all over his dick.

He’s so fucking close, balls seizing up, his entire body straining from the effort to bring you to your climax first.

“Come. For. Me.”

And it’s the desperation in his voice that sends you hurtling over the edge, a bright, searing lightning strike of pleasure like you’ve never known before bursting open inside of you as you succumb to an orgasm that leaves you positively boneless. 

“Inside,” you gasp just as Jean goes to pull out.

His answering groan is the most sinful sound you’ve ever heard as he plunges back into you, his forehead falling against yours while you both revel in the feeling of your walls spasming and contracting against his cock while he fills your cunt with spurt after spurt of hot, sticky cum. 

Jean flops down onto the bed beside you after you’ve milked every last drop of his seed from his softening cock, breathing hard, both of you too spent to fumble for something to clean up the mess of cum that lingers between you. Instead, he tugs you against the warmth of his chest, pressing a gentle assault of kisses everywhere on your face but your lips. 

You pout as he pointedly avoids your mouth, tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling his mouth toward yours. Jean smiles, the expression filled with unabashed adoration and fondness so stark that you swear your heart stutters in your chest. 

“I’m gonna marry you when this is all over,” he whispers into the scant space between your mouths, each syllable brushing across your lips.

“You promise?”

You can feel Jean smile into his answering kiss.

— likes, comments, & reblogs are appreciated!

[angstywaifu]

The Lost Sister - Part 10

Synopsis: Xaden is known as an only child due to his sister who 'died' during the Rebellion. Little do they know she didn't die and has been so close this entire time.

Garrick Tavis x OC

A/N: I really hope you guys like this part. This was a sneaky last minute addition to the story. Like I literally wrote this yesterday! Cause I feel like we deserve some brother and sister time with Ophelia and Xaden. Requests are OPEN, and if you want to be on the tag list just let me know! The Lost Sister Masterlist | Masterlist

I’d found this spot weeks ago while wandering the halls later at night. Sitting atop the tower, I could see all the the college and the valley and mountains surrounding us. It was beautiful at night. Though the sight of the dragons I occasionally saw was now a little eerie after today. In a few days I would be expected to walk out there and try bond with a dragon. No amount of classes or training from Melgren could spare me from that. It was all up to the dragons now. Least they had deemed me worthy at presentation today. What had I seen today? I was so sure I had seen white. But white wasn’t one of the colours we knew of. No one had ever seen a white dragon. Sure feathertails had some interesting colours to them from what we knew. But this was not a feathertail. I had only seen a glimpse of the white, but I knew whatever it belonged to was big.

A small shuffle on the ground behind me disrupts me from my thoughts. I don’t even have to turn to know who it is. I always had the uncanny ability to know when he was there.

“I shouldn’t be surprised to find you here. We were both good at finding places no one else knew about to get away.”

I look to my right to see Xaden comfortably lean on the pillar next to where I’m sitting on the ledge.

”We’ve always been very similar. Even if we don’t look it.” I say, earning a chuckle out of him.

”I assume the hair colour was something Melgren made you do?” He asks as he reaches out and grabs a piece of my burgundy hair with my natural black sneaking through.

I nod. “Yeah, though I fail to see how my hair would have given away who I was around the college. Wasn’t exactly known information you had a sister. Father did a pretty good job at keeping me hidden.”

He hums in agreement. Only those in Aretia and closest to us knew about me. He didn’t hide me away so to speak, but he didn’t flaunt or announce my arrival. Sometimes I wonder why that was. Was it to keep me safe? If it was, it didn’t matter in the end when they found me with him. It was if Melgren knew exactly who I was when he saw me.

“That he did. Till he didn’t.” He says almost angrily. “Clearly he didn’t send you away like he said.”

I shake my head, and I watch as Xaden’s onyx eyes harden. “No. I was with him, or with another higher up. I never went away.”

Xaden drops the piece of hair he had been holding, turning to look out over the valley, his hands gripping the stone ledge so tightly I’m surprised it doesn’t break. Even the shadows he conjures look as if they want to lash out and break something. I could tell those five years had been hard. I hadn’t asked him or any of the others what it had been like, or what had happened. Part of me didn’t want to. But I’m sure with time I would find out. But the pain and anger Xaden is showing right now, it makes me want to know even less. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for Bodhi and Garrick. We are all so close. It would have wrecked them.

”I would murder him if he wasn’t already dead. He promised us he would keep you safe.” I almost don’t hear him with how quietly he says it.

”Technically he did.” I point out.

Xaden slowly glances sideways at me. Definitely not the right thing to say. But eventually he shrugs and nods his head slightly.

”I guess you’re right. You are alive. Which is all I could have asked for. Though, could have done without thinking you were dead for five years and literally so close I could have found you.” He stands back up and looks at me fully. “Did you know I was here?”

”Initially no. I knew you were alive, but that was it. Then about halfway into your first year here Melgren made a comment about you bonding a dragon. And then at a dinner I was forced to attend you and some of the others came up in conversation. But it wasn’t like I was free to roam around and try find you. I always had a guard on me. This is the most freedom I’ve had since he took me in. And I couldn’t risk trying to find you. I needed to play it smart.”

“You always knew how to read your opponents well. Finding strength and weaknesses. Clearly something I’d forgotten when you kicked my ass on the mat on your first day here.” He jokes, the mood shifting.

”Not my fault you under estimated me.” I tease.

He rolls his eyes before shoving my shoulder lightly. “To be fair you had no combat training at all last time I saw you. And I didn’t expect Melgren to have trained you like that. I hate to admit he did a good job.”

I nod. “He did, but I feel like now you would kick my ass. No way could I take you or someone like Garrick down that easily again.”

”You never know. Garrick would probably go easy on you. Speaking of which, what is going on between you two?” He asks as he leans back on the pillar and raising an eye brow at me.

I almost cringe at his words. I knew this was coming. I shouldn’t have said his name, but it just came so naturally to me. I lean back on the opposite pillar, turning my head to avoid my brothers gaze.

“It’s complicated.” I say sadly.

”You could say that again. But it always has been with you two.” He states bluntly.

I look over at him to see him smirking at me. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

”Oh come on O, we can all see it. It’s just you two who are to blind and stubborn to do anything about it. Well, more just stubborn now.” His eyebrow raising at the last part as if emphasising his point. “You two have always drawn to each other. Even when we were kids, there was always something different with you two. And then when we got older, it was pretty clear you two were getting feelings for each other.”

I look at my brother wide eyed. He had know this entire time. I can tell he is getting satisfaction in telling me neither of us had been subtle about our feelings. But I see a small flash of sadness in his eyes.

“Then the rebellion happened and none of us had time for anything like that. And now you have all the time in the world and you run off.”

I go wide eyed. Shit. Garrick had told him. Or Bodhi.

”So they told you then.” I say nervously.

He chuckles. “Garrick wasn’t too impressed Bodhi blurted it all out, but yes I know. Though was throwing the balm at him really necessary?”

”You would have done the same.” I retort.

”Yeah but with better aim. Next time aim for his head to knock some sense into him.” We both laugh at his comment. Poor Bodhi. “Can I ask why you ran? Surprised you didn’t just jump into his arms, would’ve given the poor healer a heart attack.”

Why hadn’t I? He wasn’t wrong. Before I had been taken by Melgren, I probably would have jumped into his arms. But now, it wasn’t as easy. Well, it was. I was just being stubborn.

“Because I’m scared. Scared that what if its not as good as we both want it to be. Scared that if it goes bad that I put a rift between you two. I am not being what could tear you two apart. What could tear all 3 of us apart.” I ramble as I push off the pillar and pace back and forth. Something I had gotten quite good at recently.

“Never thought I would hear you say you’re scared.” He says sarcastically, as I glare at him. “But, you know deep down that won’t happen. You know that if you go down this path with him, thats it.”

”You make it sound like we’re mated dragons or something.”

”As someone who has a dragon with a mate, trust me I would know.”

I look at him shocked. I had read about mated dragons, but had no clue he had one of them. From what I had read, the bond was strong. And riders with mated dragons we’re stuck together no matter what.

He laughs at my shocked face. “Just don’t take too long to sort your shit out. I’m getting sick of him staring longingly at you anytime you’re near us. He looks like a lost puppy, and it doesn’t suit him.”

And with that he walks off, leaving me atop the tower with my thoughts. He was right though. I couldn’t drag this out for much longer. But first I had to get through threshing.

Part 11

[whimsicalpolitical]

I got me a concept (if you’re okay with it and if not that’s okay too)

Girlie escapes a toxic household and Matty comforts her and pulls her to sleep

I’m totally okay with it, hope it’s like you imagined

content warning: toxic household, yelling, reader gets hit, sweet matty

You’re sitting in your room, headphones in your ear because you’re not able to listen to what’s going on downstairs anymore. You’re staring at the go-to back you’ve already packed months ago in case something like this happens.

The words won’t leave your head. “You’re a little ungrateful bitch”, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” “Is there anything you can do?” “I should’ve never had you in the first place.”

Tears are streaming down your face, whether you want them to or not. Maybe you have a lack of understanding of why your own parents hate you so much, why you deserve this.

“You say another word and I’ll hit you twice as hard.”

Of course you didn’t say anything else, the sting in your face was already enough of a ‘lesson.’ You don’t even know what you did, you had a long day, came home and were faced with unnecessary confrontation immediately.

“I don’t want to see your face again tonight, you hear me?” You regret not answering him because the next hit to your face was indeed harder. It feels like you’re bleeding, but from experience you know that it’s just going to be a black eye or a red print. “You answer me when I talk to you.”

It’s hard to be in a place that has never been your home. It’s your house, that you live in, but instead of it filled with love and happiness, it’s filled with hatred and anger. You can’t deal with this any longer.

You wait until it’s dark outside and until you’re sure that your parents are asleep, when you climb out of your window with your bag. You take a last look inside your cold, empty room before deciding that you will not miss it anyway.

You take your bike from the garage as quietly as possible to go to the only place where you know you’ll be okay. Matty’s. Matty knows how your family is and being your best friend he offered you multiple times that you can stay over at anytime but of course your parents would never allow.

On their good days you lied to them and asked them if you could stay over at your friends house, female of course. That’s the only way you could spend time with Matty. It’s rarely that they allowed you, but one night at Matty’s house brought you enough joy for one month at your terrible house.

At least you don’t have to worry about his parents because he has his own place. That’s where you are right now.

Your whole body is shaking as you lean the bike against the wall, question if it was a good idea to bother Matty at this late hour.

Your cloudy thoughts and bad memories take over your physical body. It feels like they possess you. You start trembling and panting. The world feels like it's ending and collapsing. Your chest slowly brews into a tremendous amount of pain, feeling like you're having a heart attack, and you feel like you can't catch your breath. Everything seems like it's closing in on you, and you feel like you're dying.

“Oh god,” you knock on his door multiple times. You are still freaking out and panicking and every second Matty doesn't answer the door you panic even more.

‘Please just be there’

The door swings open there he is. In a superman shirt and black sweatpants. And you’re there. A crying mess with a red face and a laceration over your eyebrow, sure that there is a handprint very visible on your cheek.

“Hey, hey, love, what happened?” He asks softly, guiding you inside away from the cold, closing the door.

He knows exactly what happened so he doesn’t push it. “Fuck, darling.”

You can’t answer him right now, struggling to breathe. „here, give me this.“ He takes your bag from your hands and sets it on the floor.

"I- I- I. I can't. I can't. Matty-" you pant. You run your hands through your hair uncontrollably, and you are out of breath. You don’t know what to do. Matty then gets closer to you.

“It’s okay, baby, you’re okay, breathe.”

"I- I can't. Matty, I can't bre- breathe," you whimper, gasping for air. Matty still tries to reassure you. He knows a panic attack when he sees it. He’s too familiar with them and he knows exactly what to do.

“C’mere, it’s alright okay, m’not gonna hurt you.” Matty gently pulls you closer, his arms encircling you in a protective embrace. Your head rests against his chest, and you listen intently to the steady rhythm of his breathing, each inhale and exhale a calming lullaby. The warmth of his body seeps into yours, gradually melting the tension that has gripped you for so long.

“You’re doing perfect, alright? Just keep breathing.”

You can hear the comforting thump of his heartbeat, strong and regular, grounding you in the moment. It feels like an anchor in the storm of emotions swirling inside you. Matty’s fingers trace soothing patterns on your back, and you close your eyes, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest. The world outside seems to fade away, replaced by the gentle cadence of his heartbeat.

“No one’s gonna hurt you anymore,” he whispers, “you’re safe with me.”

You hold onto him tightly as well as grasping onto his shirt. His arms are just around you, gently swaying you from side to side. You are shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. You can’t think, you can’t breathe. You feel like you are suffocating.

“Sorry- I’m sorry,” you sob. Matty tightens your hug bringing you closer to him.

“Nah, love, don’t apologize ever.”

Minutes have gone by, and Matty is still holding onto you, not daring to let you go until you feel better. Your cries slowly start to quiet down, and your chest pain fades away. Matty hold on to you feels like no one and nothing could ever hurt you because he's there.

“That’s my girl,” Matty notices you stopped shaking, and your sobs started to die down. He stops holding you and holds your face. He gently wipes your tears with his thumbs and looks at you with his soft eyes.

“Need to take care of that, s’that alright?” He asks, his thumb brushing over your eyebrow and you hiss, feeling his touch close enough to your wound. You nod and let him guide you into the living room.

Matty guides you gently to the living room, where he sits you down on the couch. “Stay here,” he murmurs, his voice soothing, “I’ll get the first aid kit.” He disappears for a moment, leaving you to take in the warmth and safety of his home. You clutch the edge of the blanket he draped over you earlier, trying to steady your breathing.

When Matty returns, he kneels in front of you with the kit in hand. He opens it and takes out some antiseptic wipes and gauze. “This might sting a bit, love, but I’ll be gentle,” he says, his eyes filled with concern.

He carefully wipes the wound on your eyebrow, his touch feather-light. You wince slightly, but his gentle murmurs and the warmth of his presence make it more bearable. “There we go, you’re doing great,” he says softly, his fingers brushing your skin as he works. The scent of antiseptic fills the air, but it’s mingled with the comforting aroma of Matty’s home—coffee, a hint of vanilla, and something uniquely him.

As he cleans your wound, you find yourself looking into his eyes. They’re warm and kind, a safe haven amidst the chaos of your thoughts. “I know it’s been a rough night,” he whispers, his voice steady and reassuring, “but you’re safe now. I will not let them hurt you anymore.“

You nod, feeling a lump in your throat, but the urge to cry is slowly being replaced by a sense of calm. “Thank you, Matty,” you manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper. He gives you a small, comforting smile.

Matty finishes cleaning the wound and applies a small bandage. “There, all done,” he says, his hands lingering a moment longer on your skin, grounding you in his warmth. “How are you feeling now?”

You take a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. “A bit better,” you admit, “I don’t want to go back there.“

“You don’t have to, promise,” he says, his hands on yours, “stay with me, we’ll figure something out, not now though.”

He sits beside you on the couch, close but not overwhelming, his presence a quiet reassurance. “We can take it one step at a time, yeah?” he says, his hand still on yours. “D’you want to talk about it.”

You shake your head, “always the same, I’m a shit daughter and then he h-hit me.”

“Fucks sake, you are not a shit daughter, they are shit people. S’not your fault.” He puts an arm around your shoulder and you immediately lean into him, the warmth of his body seeping into your own. “You’re a good person, love, too good for any one else. Don’t listen to a word they’re saying, they’re daft if they don’t see that you’re perfect.”

You nod, feeling a flicker of belief, a tiny spark in the darkness. “Thank you, Matty,” you whisper, your voice trembling but sincere. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He leans back slightly to look at you, his hand still resting on your shoulder. “You don’t have to thank me, love. I’m just glad I can be here for you.” His eyes search yours, concern and care etched in his features. “D’you want to watch something? Maybe take your mind off things for a bit?”

You shake your head, a small smile playing on your lips despite everything. “No, I think I just want to go to bed. Would you… could you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?” Your voice wavers, the vulnerability in your request making your heart pound.

Matty’s expression softens even more. “Course, love. I’ll stay with you as long as you need.” He stands up, helping you to your feet, and wraps an arm around you as he guides you to the bedroom.

The room is dimly lit, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting a warm, comforting light.

“I’ll give you some clothes of mine, shirt and sweat pants alright?” You nod and sit down on the bed waiting for Matty to return.

He returns with clothes and leaves the room for you to change. When you’re done he comes back.

Matty pulls back the covers for you, and you slip into bed, the sheets cool against your skin. He sits on the edge, his hand brushing a strand of hair from your face.

“You comfortable?” he asks, his voice low and soothing. You nod, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over you. “Good. I’ll be right here.”

He lies down beside you, his presence a solid reassurance against the darkness that threatens to creep in. You snuggle into his side, his arm draped over you, holding you close. The steady rhythm of his breathing, the warmth of his body next to yours, and the gentle pressure of his hand on your back create a cocoon of safety and peace.

You’re exhausted. Sad. Angry. Every time your thoughts come back to earlier tears are threatening to fall. A tired tear slips from your eyes.

“Oh, dear, s’alright.” Matty’s voice is a gentle murmur in the dimly lit room. He reaches out, his fingers brushing the tear away. “You’re safe now, remember?”

You nod, but the emotions still churn inside you, a storm you can’t quite calm. Matty shifts closer, pulling you into his chest. His arms wrap around you in a protective embrace, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. You bury your face in his shirt, the fabric soft and comforting against your skin.

“I know it’s hard,” he whispers, his breath warm against your hair. “But you’re not alone anymore. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

You cling to him more, “You don’t have to be strong all the time, love,” he continues. “It’s okay to let go, to let someone else take care of you for a while.”

A small sob escapes your lips, but it’s a release, a letting go of the weight you’ve been carrying alone for so long. Matty’s arms tighten around you, his touch firm and reassuring. He starts to hum a soft tune, the sound vibrating through his chest and into your body, soothing you, lulling you into a state of calm.

“Close your eyes, love,” he whispers, his voice barely more than a breath. “Let yourself rest. I’ve got you.”

You do as he says, your eyelids heavy with exhaustion. The darkness behind your eyes is no longer frightening; it’s a blanket, soft and warm, wrapping around you. Matty’s presence beside you, his arms around you, is a shield against the nightmares, a promise of safety.

“You promise you’re gonna stay?”

Matty sighs softly, “promise, it’s you and me right? Always.”

You hum, your breathing evens out, matching the steady rhythm of his.

“Sweet dreams, love, I love you.”



[lovejosephquinn]

Will someone please distract me from my thoughts?

Joe's body is being used like a ragdoll just for your own pleasure at this point, you've got him tied up to the bed, exactly where you want him, at first it was at his request but now his wrists are shining red from the way his arms have jolted several times to try and reach for you, his muscles aching from the way they've been situated for the amount of time he's cuffed up. You simply got carried away, the amount of times he's teased you he deserves this. You have a him a sweaty, squirming mess beneath you, the entirety of his body is covered in your juices and his, your saliva and his. You've made him cum at least 4 times in the last couple of hours; having way too much fun to give in. "Please baby, I can't take anymore." He's practically begging you to get off him but you manage to find a new spot on his cock and balls that keeps him hard and throbbing at your touch each time, whether it be from your tongue, your lips, thrusting your cunt over his limp shaft or driving it inside of you and bouncing on it relentlessly, his retinas burning downward as he watches your thumb play with your clit whilst you fuck him, either way his almost dry throat cries out a stifled moan, calling out your name, giving you the upmost ammunition to continue abusing him sexually. His lips are puffy from the few times you've sat on his face, his nose smells like your cunt just from the way it's nudged onto your clit every time. His lungs fighting for air when you've pushed yourself down to feel more contact, his tongue digging for gold in your hole as he hums at the combination of various tastes within you. You're addicted to him and you can't help but ram your panties into his mouth when he whimpers too much at the mix of pleasure and pain taking over. "Be a good boy, my fucking good boy, you can do that for me can't you Joey?" He nods submissively, his chocolatey eyes glazed with tears. His cock leaks inside of you, the swollen and puffy mix of purple and red coating his tip tapping onto your cervix as he bursts in your walls once more. His teeth biting through the material as he gives into your spell for the last time.

[hotmessmaxpress]

Rosquez Horror Au, part 3.5

The real horror is finding out your boyfriend doesn't trust you lol

The Shadow disappears finally when the sun creeps up and casts light through the blinds. 

Shortly after comes the alert, startling Vale awake.  

“Attention all drivers, staff, and guests. The presence of a shadow has been detected. Local law enforcement has alerted the Anomaly Bureau. Stay out of dark areas, carry a flashlight, and be vigilant. Beware of duplicate shadows. Repeat. The presence of a shadow has been detected. Local law enforcement has alerted the Anomaly Bureau. Stay out of dark areas, carry a flashlight, and be vigilant. Beware of duplicate shadows. May Mercy be with you all.”

Marc stares at Vale, raising an eyebrow, mouth pressed into a thin line. 

Vale takes in the bags under his eyes and the hard set of his shoulders. He must have been awake all night. 

“I told you,” Marc finally says. Vale winces, deserving the clipped remark. 

“I’m-”

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” Marc says, voice steely. “You didn’t believe me.”

The pain on Marc’s face grips Vale’s heart. 

“I know,” Vale  says, squashing the urge to get defensive, to argue. He’s done more than enough arguing in the last twenty-four hours. “I’m sorry.”

Marc’s mouth is twisted into a bitter, angry line. Vale wants to soothe it but he doesn’t know how. He feels helpless in the face of Marc’s anger, but part of him feels relief. He hadn’t realized how exhausted and hollow Marc has looked the last few weeks, until he sees him now with the heat of anger in his eyes. 

“It was there,” Marc says, voice cracking. “It was there all night.”

He points up at the corner, and Vale is horrified to see Marc’s hands are shaking. He feels like vomiting, insides twisting in guilt and terror. 

“I watched it all night, and it stood there and watched me. It felt like days,” Marc says. “I told you, and you didn’t believe me.”

It’s the mirror of so many of their problems; Marc speaks, earnestly, and Vale assumes that he’s lying. He can’t find it in him to take the things that Marc says at face value, and Marc knows it. Vale thinks of the numb way Marc had spoken to him last night. Vale had told himself that he must have just been tired, but he knows now that it’s more than that.

Marc trusts Vale, and Vale can’t even believe Marc when he’s hurt. 

Vale has the urge to wrap Marc in his arms, but he stands on shaky legs first, heading to the windows and pulling the blinds open. The sun shines in through the windows, and he sees Marc shudder. 

He moves back to the bed and takes Marc gently into his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. 

Marc is shaking in his arms, face tucked into his neck. 

“You have to believe me,” Marc says. “I’m not a liar.”

It feels like a knife to Vale’s heart. He doesn’t think Marc is a liar; at least, he doesn’t think he thinks that. But when was the last time he believed Marc at his word?

Guilt chokes him. No amount of apologies will change what Marc has been through. 

He holds Marc in silence, breathing with him. He doesn’t know how long they sit there like that, but it’s long enough for Marc to finally fall asleep. 

Vale gently rests back against the pillows, keeping Marc pressed against him. He lays like that, thinking, until he hears a pounding on the door. 

He gently slips out from underneath Marc and pads to the door, flipping on lights as he goes.

There are two people in uniform standing there, and Vale lets them in without comment. They need to interview Marc, and Vale wakes him gently. They all settle in the living room, sitting awkwardly on the couch while the Investigators stand. 

Vale doesn’t have much to add to the conversation, but he spends the time holding Marc’s hand while Marc retells what he’s been through over the last few days. He feels like vomiting as Marc details how the Shadow has stalked him and how little sleep he’s gotten. It’s an exercise in guilt, and Vale has to sit with it literally and metaphorically as the Anomaly Bureau investigators talk with Marc. 

When they finally leave, Marc relaxes, clamoring onto Vale’s lap and pressing his face into Vale’s neck. 

“We should go back to sleep,” Vale says softly. “I’ll stay with you.”

They spend the rest of the day there in bed, and Marc is only awoken by the all clear announcement being sent out. 

“They sure work fast,” Vale observes quietly. “It’s contained.”

Marc yawns. The sun is beginning to set. 

“Don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

[recreationalfanfics]

Can I get a GOD! Reader with Poseidon, Thor, buddha, Loki

Were reader has a lover and one day war breaks out between the gods. And reader's lover is one of the gods that lost their life and the one who killed them is (Poseidon, Thor, Loki).

(My request is based on zhongli and guizhong story)

This wasn't implied to be yandere or not but there is def gonna be some Yandere in Loki's for sure because it's Loki. I'm also not really adding Buddha in this, sorry, but I have a three character limit!

They had always been jealous of your lover, that much was certain. If it wasn't for the war, it could even be labeled as a crime of blind passion (or obsession depending on the god).

"This wasn't what I wanted."

- All Thor wanted...all he could have dreamed of was to be with you, but as he watch your lover turn to dust, as does that dream he had held on too so tightly.

- It probably didn't help that he looked so emotionless and stoic, he couldn't help it. That was how his face was. He felt remorse immediately, wishing he could undo what he had just done instead of having to hear you cry and mourn.

- He can't remember much of the moment but he knew his feelings got the best of him when your lover was the God who challenged him. He had already won your love, won your hand, and Thor simply couldn't let him win that little fight. Not after he had taken all of you and left Thor with nothing but the memories of what could've been.

- That's all they'll be now, memories. You hit him but don't do much damage, he still allows himself to stand there and take it. Take it because he deserves it for putting you through so much pain. Your lover may have been gone but so were his chances with you.

- When you suddenly sob and weakly fall against his chest, he holds you and whispers an apology. He knows it won't fix this but it was the only comfort that he could give you. Truly, he wishes things would have turned out differently.

"What's been done can not be undone."

- He was cruel enough to say that you almost deserved it for not choosing him from the start. Poseidon is a prideful person, despite the fact that he truly held you near and dear to his heart; he wouldn't bother apologizing.

- It won't fix anything, it won't bring your lover back, and he can tell from your eyes that your heart was now filled with hatred and loathing. If you had any feelings for the god of the seas, they were gone now.

- You will not see him beg for forgiveness because he knows it will never be enough. If you loved your partner as passionately and as deeply as he loves you, he also would forever be mad.

- He would still have the audacity to try and convince you to be with him, you know, after killing your lover.

- Even if you don't choose him, at least he knows you won't choose anyone else because as much as it sickened him to say it, your lover was your world. So even if his chances to have you fall in love with him end up zero, it brings him a cold comfort to know that at least you'll feel the same

"He took you from me first!"

- Loki can't even claim he felt a single amount of remorse, not when the moment he saw your lover was open, he took that moment to strike them down. He was brutal and he was quick and they didn't even have time to react.

- It was just payback in Loki's mind. He longed and yearned for you for the longest time and YOUR STUPID LOVER SAW THAT AND TOOK YOU. It was their own fault that they died, if they had just realized you were HIS then they'd be alive.

- Might even laugh at you as your grieving for them. After all, they died so easily at his hand. However he soon gets annoyed because you distance yourself from him, he expected you to at least shout and try to kill him but you just...sulked. And that wasn't any fun.

- He'll try to egg you on to at least get mad at him but you knew it was what he wanted, that it'd only add to his satisfaction, and you were too tired to be angry at him anyways. Your heart still heavy with grief. Loki becomes even more moodier because even after they're dead, they're still stealing you away from him!

- This god feels like he'll die without your attention. Look at him, scream at him, hate him, love him. As long as it's from you, he'll want it all. So when you don't even acknowledge his existence, he will act out like a child. He's too angry to care and you're too heartbroken.