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mermaidsirennikita · 2 years ago

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I feel like Lorraine Heath's two most recent books haven't been as angsty as her books usually are and I'm low-key depressed about it! Do you have any recs for hrs by other authors that are super angsty?

I really like both of them, especially The Return of The Duke (I just love the hate vibes and of course... the time he asked her to ride him~) but I agree that they aren't as angsty for the couple personally. More the plot. I will say that though I haven't read her latest yet, I do have it and I've read a few bits and pieces and.. WHEW. That one, I think, is gonna be a looooot.

I think you can't go wrong with Elizabeth Hoyt for angst. She writes excellent sex, and intense, flawed characters who often do a bit of emotional damage to each other.

Angst standouts include:

The Raven Prince--boss/employee, he's an earl and she's his widowed secretary so they can't be together. He's very angsty because he's scarred after a bout with smallpox and like. His wife cursed him as she lay dying in childbirth lmao.

The Leopard Prince--upper class lady and her steward, he doesn't feel good enough for her and also people are trying to frame him for mURDER

Scandalous Desires--pirate hero, widowed Quaker heroine; there's a lot of "he's gonna die" angst because, you know, pirates, and he's pretty mean at first in the beeest way

Thief of Shadows--virgin hero, widowed/older heroine, he's a masked vigilante and she knows who he is; also, she's infertile and is FOR REAL, there is no magic baby, and there's a lot of sorrow from her and feeling that she shouldn't keep him from the kids she knows he wants. EXQUISITE novel, one of the best ever.

Duke of Midnight--duke hero/impoverished lady's companion hero; they have a cat and mouse thing where she knows he's a vigilante and blackmails him into helping her free her brother from imprisonment. They begin this passionate sexual affair, but he's courting the woman she's a lady's companion to.

Sweetest Scoundrel--uptight heroine/wild hero, but she's deeply traumatized after being sexually abused as a child; they begin a slow burn affair where he's super respectful of her boundaries and helps her learn to enjoy her body again, but they have every intention of not staying together. It is *chef's kiss*

But all the Maiden Lane books are worth reading, and they are all ANGSTY.

Sarah MacLean does angst very well. Her heroes are always like "LEAVE ME TO ROT AND FEED ON MY CARCASS IF YOU WISH, I AM SUCH TRASH". MacLean heroes listen to Hozier and go "he gets it", but only after they leeearn.

Angst recs:

A Rogue By Any Other Name: childhood friends to enemies to lovers, a forever fave, he does her soooo baaad and soooo gooood but he has to make it up to her

No Good Duke Goes Unpunished: she was engaged to his dad and accidentally framed him for her murder, lmao

The Day of the Duchess: a daringly angsty book where he cheats on her while she's pregnant (he has reasons, not that it matters) and then she loses the baby and they separate for years before reuniting

Daring and the Duke: may be better if you read the two previous Bareknuckle Bastards books more (depends) but lol.... he kinda tried to kill her? It's another book-long grovel

Jeannie Lin's The Dragon and The Pearl made me like. Tear up. because it was like so star-crossed and the tension got so high, and they just couldn't spit it out. Also: has one of the hottest non-sex scenes I've ever read.

Indigo by Beverly Jenkins is gorgeously angsty. He's an upper class guy she nurses back to health, as they both work with the Underground Railroad. The heroine was enslaved as a child, and she's go a lot of understandable trauma related to that. The mountains this hero moves for her... It's gorgeous.

Dreaming of You is my favorite Kleypas because of the high angst. I mean, he literally sends her away for months and becomes a shadow of his former self. He like, confesses his love in a SOBBING. BLUBBERING. MESS.

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian. Another very high angst book. One lead is AFAB nb, the other is a cis man. They're friends, and then they fuck, and he's like "be my wife" and they're like "dude no". A LOT A LOT A LOT.

The Madness of Lord Ian MacKenzie and Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage by Jennifer Ashley. Madness has a hero who's on the autism spectrum and has been an outcast and literally imprisoned for it. Lady Isabella has a couple that spent time apart and is now back together because she knows someone is stealing his identity, basically. He's trying to win her back, despite all their issues.

The Bride Goes Rogue by Joanna Shupe. Hero and heroine were betrothed by their parents, and he dumps her. They hook at a masquerade and start a no strings relationship that quickly becomes intense.

The Duke Gets Even. Enemies to fuckbuddies. Uptight duke who's head over heels x brash woman who refuses to commit. A favorite of mine.

The Prince of Broadway by Joanna Shupe. Hero is trying to destroy the heroine's father, agrees to "mentor" her in running a casino and gets in way over his head.

Duchess by Day, Mistress by Night by Stacy Reid. A cold duchess gets into an entanglement with a self made man. It's supposed to be for fucking, but it gets FOR REAL.

I'm currently reading the Lady Charlotte's Society of Angels series by Grace Callaway, and it's both fun and angsty. The heroines are a part. of a Victorian Charlie's Angels thing, which I LOVE. She's also like... one of the hotter historical authors I've read.

Olivia and the Masked Duke--she's a 19 year old ingenue type, he's the 31 year old widower who's all damaged from his first marriage; together, they fight crime and she's the brat to his dom; he feels VERY angsty about despoiling her but does it anyway

Pippa and the Prince of Shadows--childhood friends to lovers; she's a widow with a shitty first husband, he's a Scarred Hero (TM); has one of the most lovely and emotional "let me see your scars" scenes I've read

Anyway, these are some!

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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silentkpublishing · 4 years ago

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'THE INDIGO PEARL'

‘THE INDIGO PEARL’

Following a phantom robin through the painted caves of Lascaux’s ‘hall of the horses’, takes THE SPIRIT OF DELPHI SHARPE, AN AUTISTIC TEENAGE GIRL IN A COMA, ON A POSTHUMOUS SEARCH FOR THE BOY IN A 500-YEAR-OLD PAINTING SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH.

Delphi must rally her lost soul to rival her next incarnation implanted with her memories and dreams to win back the love of her life. Her…

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#the Indigo Pearl - novel

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oncillaphoenixart · 2 years ago

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Hey wait I never talked about my Darkstalker Phantom of the Opera AU! The art’s kind of old but dang this was a fun AU. Based off of Legends: Darkstalker and both the musical and book versions of Phantom of the Opera, it follows the Darkstalker cast in a world where magic is replaced with music and Darkstalker is born with a malformed face. October’s a good time for PotO, right?

I know the first image says Fathom is Raoul but I was wrong about that, and had figured it out by the time I drew the rest of them. Listener makes a much better Raoul, and Fathom instead gets to share the role of the original novel’s Persian/Daroga with Indigo.

Lore under the cut:

It starts when Arctic, the star singer of the IceWing Opera Company, fell in love with an up-and-coming NightWing ballerina, Foeslayer, and ran away with her. The IceWings wanted Arctic back, of course, but the Opéra de la Nuit, the NightWings’ premier opera company, refuses to relinquish this new asset.

After a time, Arctic and Foeslayer hatched two children. Whiteout and Darkstalker inherited their parents’ artistic talent, but Darkstalker hatched with a deformed face that only intensified Arctic’s canonical abuse. At a young age, he ran away to join the circus.

Darkstalker traveled all over Pyrrhia, honing his musical skills with the circus, his murderous abilities with RainWing bandits, and his bitterness everywhere he stopped. For a time he ended up in the Sea Kingdom, apprenticing under Albatross as an architect alongside Fathom and occasionally serving as an assassin for Queen Lagoon. However the Royal SeaWing Massacre shattered this momentary peace. The new queen Pearl tried to have him killed on thin suspicions of his involvement in the massacre, and he only escaped with help from Fathom. Darkstalker fled back to the Night Kingdom, where his mother offered him a hiding place in the catacombs below the NightWings’ opera house.

Several years later, Foeslayer (Madame Giry) has ascended to the role of ballet-master, Whiteout (Meg Giry) has become an accomplished star of the ballet, and Arctic has been appointed as the new Manager of the Opera after the previous Manager retired suddenly, supposedly due to the activity of a mysterious Opera Ghost. A talented young NightWing singer named Clearsight (Christine) is being coached by a being she knows as the Angel of Music while trying to keep her childhood friend the Vicomtesse Listener (Raoul) out from his ever-present attention. Fathom and Indigo (the Daroga/Persian) are also there.

Clearsight tries to figure out how much she can trust her Angel and maintain her agency in the face of forces pulling her every which way; Listener tries to figure out how to convince her best friend not to trust a stalker; Whiteout and Fathom try and fail to convince Darkstalker not to kidnap or kill anyone. Arctic thinks the Opera Ghost is a hoax and refuses to capitulate to the demands of a scammer, it’s his opera house and he’s going to run it how he wants even if the “ghost” does seem to know a little too much about him. Foeslayer tries to figure out how to convince her husband to please just go along with the ghost’s demands and not put everyone in danger. Allknowing (La Carlotta) tries to figure out how not to lose her job to some upstart kid with a spooky tutor. Darkstalker has his talons in all of this. Chandeliers get dropped, Clearsight gets kidnapped multiple times, Arctic gets murdered, nobody has a good day.

#wof darkstalker #The Phantom of the Opera #tw abuse #tw ableism #please appreciate my statue i spent a long time trying to translate the apollon into dragons #(warning for artistic nudity if you look up the original statue)#note: silverclaws is based on la sorelli (a very minor character from the book. she has a knife though so thats cool)#...this is more fleshed out than i thought i have a whole outline in my notes. i must have obsessed over this more than i remembered #anyway if you want any more context for anything just ask i'm happy to talk about this au and/or phantom of the opera as much as you want #and i have no idea how comprehensible this is #wings of fire

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astorythatwritesitself · 2 years ago

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Fandoms

Taking a break from characters to give a rundown of fandoms I like to dabble in & any ships! List is subject to change, and is far from all I'm into- these are just the things I most engage with in a fannish way.

💭 - ready supply of headcanons

📓 - can always request in writing prompt games

🌟 - A Fave

It's gonna get Long.

Shows:

Hellsing Ultimate

💭 📓 🌟🌟🌟

Have seen: the OVA, read about half the manga, Crossfire included.

Will answer ship prompts for: Alucard x Integra, Seras x Pip, Heinkel x Yumie.

Heinkel and Anderson are the ones I probably have the most thoughts on, but I'll answer for anyone except Millennium members (aside from Walter).

One Piece

💭

Have seen: Dub up to... early 600s? Vegapunk island, bodyswap just happened. Several movies.

Will answer ship prompts for: Robin x Franky

Can most reliably come up with stuff for the main Straw Hat crew, fun gen stuff but I doubt I'll be doing much that's involved.

Fairy Tail

💭, maybe 📓

Have seen: Entire dub, both movies; read Rhodonite.

Will answer ship prompts for: Gajeel x Levy

Look I'll level. I'm here for Gajeel, Levy, and occasionally Juvia for some reason. FT falls deeply into 'canon is a polite suggestion' territory ok.

The Owl House

💭

Have seen: Seasons 1 & 2

Might be able to get me to answer stuff for Eda x Raine but I'm mostly here for gen stuff.

Sailor Moon

💭📓🌟

Have seen: oh god it's so piecemeal. Most knowledge comes from the manga up through about Dead Moon Circus and original run (sub & Viz re-dub) up through roughly Chibiusa's introduction.

Will answer ship prompts for: Mako x Ami, maybe Haruka x Michiru x Setsuna.

Honestly this one's been so very headcanon fueled & canon is a very, very loose suggestion xD

Steven Universe

💭📓🌟

Have seen: Original run & movie. (Never quite got around to Future)

Will answer ship prompts for: Amethyst x Pearl, Lapis x Peridot; virtually any gem x gem combo tbh.

It's definitely died down but I've still got a bit of a soft spot, y'know?

The Clone Wars + The Bad Batch

💭

Have seen: Full run of TCW, S1 of TBB

Will answer ship prompts for: Hondo & Cad Bane is the only valid Star Wars pairing

Ok no though for real I just don't really have any ships here, but it's definitely fun poking at little headcanons.

Video games:

Mass Effect

💭📓🌟🌟🌟🌟

Have Played: Vanilla trilogy (no DLC events or squadmates (Kasumi, Zaeed and Javik) will factor in to my work), read all 3 novels. It's been a while since I've played, so some finer details may be missing!

Will answer ship prompts for: Shepard x Thane, Shepard x Garrus, Garrus x Tali, Joker x EDI

Mass Effect is not a fandom. Mass Effect burrows into your fuckin soul and never lets go. Rundown of my Shepard can be found here. As far as hcs/games go, I will answer for most Normandy crew.

Final Fantasy

Have played: VII, X, X-2, XII (it's been a little while though)

💭📓🌟 (primarily X-2 & XII)

Will answer ship prompts for: Cloud x Tifa, Balthier x Fran. (& ask me about the Crimson Polysphere lol)

Favorites are Paine & Balthier

Pokemon

Have played: All main series games up through US/UM, working knowledge of Indigo League anime & first 5 movies.

💭📓🌟

Games only. Outlines & characters are derived from playthroughs- not quite nuzlockes, but similar vibe; canon NPCs are altered as fits the story. Trainer rundowns & outlines can be found -here when made-

Half Life 2 + Portal

Have played: Half Life 2 & episodes 1 & 2, Portal, Portal 2

💭

Will answer ship prompts for: Gordon x Alyx, Chell x GLaDOS

Strong come & go love for these, like I'll get Going once I get warmed up but it takes a bit.

Books

A Series of Unfortunate Events

💭

Have read: 13 books + Unauthorized, original movie & Netflix series.

Not a huge one, but it's fun to poke at now and again.

A Song of Ice and Fire

💭📓🌟

Have Read: All 5 books and chunks of The World of Ice And Fire.

Will answer ship prompts for: Brienne x Jaime.

Will write for most Starks, everyone else is kinda case by case. Currently in a bit of a lull but this one comes back Hard.

Xenofiction Hell Corner

💭

Warrior Cats up to TPoT, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Wings of Fire

Honestly these are more about the world & OC tinkering, but if you have a burning desire to hear thoughts on canon characters/ships, go nuts?? I guess?

I'm more embarrassed about these than ASOIAF honestly.

#fandoms

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bookwormsid1015 · 4 years ago

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BNHA: This Time Around

[A Semi-CloudNight Oneshot]

“Aaahhh! It feels so good to unwind like this,” Fukukado Emi, best known as the Laughing Hero: Ms. Joke, laughs in relief as she leans forward against the bar countertop, a mug of whiskey in hand. She’s dressed in her civilian outfit, which consists of high waist blue skinny jeans and a light yellow crop top tee shirt with a bold white stripe stretching across her chest. Her mint green hair is held back in a low ponytail, and black slip-on sneakers adorn her feet; her outfit accented by a black choker around her neck and three beaded bracelets coating her right wrist.

Joining her at their favorite bar is Tatsuma Ryuko (Ryukyu), Takeyama Yuu (Mt. Lady), and Kayama Nemuri (Midnight). Nemuri’s rosy red lips tilt upwards into a sly smile, and she raises her glass of red wine to her lips. Unlike Fukukado, Nemuri is dressed to impress, with her beautiful dark blue dress fading to a vibrant pink as it travels down towards the helm of her dress, perfectly matching her light complexion. Black three inch heels adorn her feet, and her deep indigo hair is held over her head in a messy bun, staked into place by a black pin that distinctly resembles a fox tail.

Nemuri pushes up her crimson red glasses, still smiling. “Me too,” she agrees happily. “My agency has been so busy lately with all the League of Villain madness. It feels great to just be in the moment every now and again.”

Sitting on Fukukado’s other side, directly across from Nemuri, Takeyama stares down at her small glass of champagne, her eyebrows knitted together in exhaustion. The Giant Hero, like Ms. Joke, is dressed in casual clothing, wearing short blue jean shorts with a simple orange tank top and a single star-shaped golden necklace around her neck. Her long, wavy blond hair is tied back in a ponytail, which spirals down to her midback in beautiful platinum waves.

“I knew starting my own agency was going to be hard, but I didn’t think it would be this hard,” Takeyama confesses, exhaustion lacing her tone. “Like, I can’t effectively take down any villains because my size destroys so much property, and I hate that my fans only seem to like me because they want me to step on them! It’s so weird! People are weird and gross!” She drops her head onto the table and groans mutely into the polished wood. “And here I thought the big city would be different from home.”

Tatsuma places a gentle hand on Takeyama’s back and pats it reassuringly. Like Nemuri, Tatsuma is dressed for the occasion in a simple yet elegant violet dress with a chain of pearls around her neck and diamond earrings in her ear. It is no surprise Ryukyu would wear such beautiful jewelry, though given her status as a dragon, Nemuri wasn’t surprised. “Don’t worry, Takeyama. We all start off rough, but guaranteed your agency will become amazing,” the Dragon Hero encourages the blond heroine gently, and Takeyama’s shoulders only slightly relax.

Fukukado taps her chin, her dark green eyes thoughtful. “Come to think of it, aren’t you and Kamui Woods, like, a thing now? I heard his agency is successful, maybe you can talk to him about it,” she says, and Takeyama reaches across the table with frantic shushing gestures.

“Don’t say that outloud! We want to keep our relationship private! The last thing we need is the media crawling up our asses about it,” she snarls at the Laughing Hero, and Fukukado raises her hands in surrender.

“Oops! My bad!” Fukukado yelps and frantically checks around her in case anyone was listening in. Nemuri and Tatsuma make eye contact from across the table and snicker to themselves.

“Kamui Woods is a very dependable man, though,” Tatsuma adds. “I’m proud of you.”

Takeyama buries her face in her hands. “Can’t we talk about anything else?” she whines.

Fukukado’s smile returns full force, and a shit-eating grin splits across her face. “But why though? Everyone loves hearing about a good romance!” She cups her hands to her cheeks and swoons giddily. “Like, just the other day, I ran into Eraserhead at a coffee shop! It was so amazing, like something out of a romance novel!”

Nemuri’s cerulean eyes widen slightly. “Oh yeah, he told me about that. Didn’t he leave the second he saw you?” she asks.

Fukukado’s cheeks flush red, and she chuckles awkwardly. “Oh, yeah, he did. Something about not wanting to deal with my energy or whatever. But that just makes it so much more exciting! I mean, look at him, all dark and mysterious and broody~!”

“Not to mention a total hobo who forgets to shower half the time,” Nemuri adds. The other heroines at the table chuckle.

“AND he’s the only one who I haven’t gotten to laugh yet!” Fukukado goes on, ignoring Nemuri’s remark. “One of these days, I’ll get him to laugh! If not, at least smile! Yeah, that would be amazing.”

“Why not use your Quirk?” Tatsuma asks.

Fukukado shakes her head adamantly. “He erases Quirks, remember? Besides, I don’t just wanna make him laugh! I want to really make him laugh, you know? Something authentic. Using my Quirk would just be dishonest and mean.”

Nemuri shrugs her shoulders, though a part of her is secretly relieved. She’s known Eraserhead since high school, and knowing him, the main reason he wouldn’t want to try dating Fukukado would be because he doesn’t want to be influenced by her Quirk. Then again, this is Eraserhead they’re talking about. After what happened in high school, he probably wouldn’t give her a chance either way. He has trouble enough making friends, let alone dating. The cruel reality of hero work scarred him, and the mere thought of it hurts her heart. Fear guides him, and Nemuri desperately wishes she could do something to help.

“What about you, Midnight?” Nemuri perks up, and finds the eyes of the other heroines glued on her. Fukukado leans forward eagerly, her dark green eyes sparkling like diamonds. “Do you have anyone you’re with right now? With your gorgeous looks and bedazzling personality, I’ll bet yes!”

Tatsuma casts Fukukado a significant look. “Ms. Joke, your bi is showing,” she comments, startling a laugh out of Takeyama.

Nemuri glances down at her wine glass and slowly sways it around in her grasp, watching the dark red liquid roll within its transparent chamber. Her smile becomes wistful. “I’ve had flings, but serious relationships? Nope. I haven’t had any in years. Probably not since high school,” she replies honestly.

Takeyama lifts her head, blinking at the R-Rated Hero in surprise. “What? There’s no way. Your entire aesthetic is about intimacy! Especially the sexy kind,” she gapes, and Nemuri chuckles at her reaction.

“It’s true. I haven’t had a proper boyfriend since my third year in high school, and to be honest…” Nemuri’s smile becomes bitter, and she chuckles in spite of her hypocrisy. “I don’t think I’ll ever date again. Hurts too much.”

Fukukado grimaces slightly. “Oof, was he really that bad?” she asks, and Nemuri immediately shakes her head.

“No, no. In fact, he was amazing. He was the sweetest, funniest, most loyal person I’d ever met. He cared about everyone unconditionally, and he would always go out of his way to help people. Hell, this one time, he found a kitten stuck in the rain and brought it with him to school,” she reminisces, smiling at the memory of him. Even now she can clearly see his broad, glowing smile, and the image sparks an old pain in her heart. “He was my everything. Even though we wanted different things out of life-- with him wanting to start an agency with his other friends, and me wanting to start the Midnight Agency-- we still promised we’d be together. That we'd make it work.”

Fukukado’s brows are drawing together in concern, now, and acid rises in Nemuri’s chest at the realization in her eyes. “Wait, you’re talking about him in the past tense,” she says. “What… happened?”

Nemuri’s smile falls completely, and she utters a deep sigh. “The worst,” she responds. “About fifteen years ago, we were alerted to a villain attack in Tasomiya Ward, a giant monster with the ability to stockpile power.” Tatsuma and Fukukado’s eyes widen nearly simultaneously, no doubt recognizing the event, but Takeyama blinks at Nemuri in confusion; she’s too new to the career to know.

Her voice shudders, but still, Nemuri goes on, “All of us were there. Me, Eraserhead, Present Mic, and… him. We did everything in our power to stop the monster, but it was too big. We couldn’t do anything. I was evacuating everyone out of the area while he, Present Mic, and Eraserhead went to go stop the villain. Civilians got hurt; there’s no way to protect everyone. But he…”

The image washes over her, stealing away all her breath in an instant. She can smell the salty rain clouds, she can feel the slick pavement beneath her boots, the uncomfortable way debris clings to her sweaty skin. Above all else, she remembers rounding the corner just in time to see a cloud explode to life over a class of kindergarteners and their teacher, leaving them protected but him exposed. Their eyes made contact, and before Nemuri could do anything, before she could call out his name or take a step forward, a giant chunk of debris was upon him, and she was helpless to watch it swallow him whole.

The scene barely lasted for more than a few seconds, but she can still see it. The sickening crunch resonating through the air as his skull cracks open, the violent spray of blood from his head… She suddenly wants to throw up her wine and crumble into a ball. Old insecurities she thought she’d abandoned were suddenly creeping up the back of her mind, whispering terribly in her ears.

“Your quirk is useless. It couldn’t protect anyone, especially not your loved ones.”

“It’s because you’re so useless he’s dead.”

“Why are you even a hero?”

“Midnight?”

Nemuri snaps out of the memory and finds the other heroines looking at her in worry. She quickly realizes she’d dropped her wine glass to cover her face, and while thankfully the glass didn’t break, the wine was splattered all over the table top. It looks exactly like his blood.

“Midnight,” Tatsuma reaches out to her and gently takes her hands, leading them away from her face and gripping them tightly. Nemuri clings onto the contact, desperately wishing her hands were someone else’s. “Are you okay? Do you need a moment?”

Nemuri shakes her head slowly and slips her hands out of Tatsuma’s reach. She hates it when people look at her with those worried eyes. “It affected all of us,” Nemuri goes on. “Obviously, it hurt me. I lost my boyfriend and the guy I wanted to… but Present Mic and Eraserhead lost their best friend. Their brother.”

Fukukado shakes her head, tears springing to her eyes. “Oh, Midnight, I’m… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to open an old wound,” she whispers in horror, and Nemuri shakes her head again, this time with more resolve.

“It’s fine, really. It gave me a horrible wake up call, that above all else, we are heroes. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not. Every day we go out there and put our lives on the line. We could live, we could die, but what matters most is protecting others.” She glances down at the wine spilled all over the table, and her own reflection stares back at her with wary acceptance. She sighs, long and tired. “Watching him die made me realize how easily life can be lost, how tragedy can strike in an instant. That’s why I want to embrace my youth for as long as I can, so I can live enough for both of us.” Her reflection’s lips quirk upward into a trying smile. “That way, when I die, when I can finally see him again, I can tell him about all my adventures with pride.”

Nemuri looks up and finds herself staring into the wet faces of the other heroes. Tatsuma, Fukukado, and Takeyama are all staring at their senior hero with wide, tearful eyes, and Nemuri likes to think in this moment, they felt more respect for the seasoned heroine.

Nemuri smiles back at them and wipes the tears from her eyes. “Remember that, you three,” she tells them. “Go forward knowing nothing-- not even love-- is certain, but don’t let it scare you. The world is scary, dangerous, and even cruel, but what’s most important is cherishing the people in our lives.” She raises her wine glass and what remains of the wine sloshes around in its glassy imprisonment. “To living.”

Fukukado, Tatsuma, and Takeyama look between themselves. One by one, they lift their drinks to the sky, each glass a different shape containing a different drink. “To living,” they echo, and tap their glasses together with Nemuri’s. The R-Rated Hero smiles truly, her heart swelling with pride.

Nemuri drives home alone that night.

Of course, the four heroines stayed at that bar for hours, laughing and drinking together once the shock of Nemuri’s lost-love bombshell faded away. As their senior, Nemuri only drank a few sips of her wine every now and again (although the gruesome memories made her want to get wasted out of her mind), and she allowed the other heroes to have their fun and get as wasted as they want. Takeyama and Fukukado were joking around, having a blast singing old pop culture songs together, occasionally getting Tatsuma to join in whenever the Dragon Hero got over her shyness.

Eventually, Nemuri dragged the three drunken heroines back into her car (thankful they all decided to take Nemuri’s car there and back), and she drove all the ladies home, making sure they had all their possessions with them before leaving. Once she dropped them all off at their houses and made small talk with any partners they had waiting for them, she decided to gather her wits and go home herself. Today was a long day, and she was surprised to find herself emotionally exhausted so soon.

The bar is a fifteen minute drive from her house, but as soon as she leaves her car and strides up the driveway, she pulls open the front door and steps inside her dark home. Despite it’s nice size, being a two story house with multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, only Nemuri lives in it, though she’s not completely alone.

“Meow!” Nemuri looks down, and her heart lifts slightly as her tabby orange cat comes bounding over to her, high in energy despite his age. Nemuri kneels down to collect him in her arms, and she cradles the cat like a baby.

“Hello, Sushi-baby,” she coos at him as she kicks the front door shut and locks it behind her. “How are you doing? Were you keeping the house safe from big bad strangers while I was gone?”

Sushi meows in response and nuzzles her bust.

The house is big and empty now, but one day, Nemuri hopes she’ll marry and settle down, maybe start a family all her own. It won’t be for a while, and honestly, Nemuri is scared to start dating out of fear of herself or her partner dying, but she decided a long time ago to live by her words so she bought the house regardless. She’s getting older now, and at thirty-two, she knows she doesn’t have much time left. At the very least, Oboro would want her to be happy, even if her happiness isn’t with him. She just hopes she can find someone accepting of her tastes and interests, like he did.

Nemuri enters her living room and sits back in her recliner, pulling out her phone to amuse herself. Sushi immediately adjusts himself in her lap and kneads her legs with his paws, turning around in a circle before plopping down into a comfortable loaf. Nemuri scratches him behind the ears with a faint smile.

“We’ll be okay,” she says, more so to herself than to the cat.

Sushi’s lazy purring is her only response.

Nemuri leans back into her chair and sighs. Tomorrow will be a new day.

#Kayama Nemuri #Bnha Midnight #Ms. Joke #Ryukyu #Mt. Lady #My Hero Academia #Boku no Hero Academia #Bnha spoilers #Bnha manga spoilers #Shirakumo Oboro x Kayama Nemuri #CloudNight #My Writing #Bnha Vigilantes Spoilers #Bnha Vigilantes

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tc-doherty · 3 years ago

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I'm getting quite close to the end of part one of Dragon's Daughter, so here's a little bit from from this part of the novel.

Rozhalea looked every bit the proper lady, perched delicately on top of a fine boned black palfrey. She wore a bliaut of patterned, shimmering indigo silk which – when contrasted against the black horse – looked stunning. Only the thick gathering of pearl necklaces at her throat and the gem-bedecked circlet decorating her shining red hair showed that Rozhalea was not a Runerian noble born and bred. Her face was mildly serene, but Patrice could see her eyes were hard and anger showed in the slight lines around her mouth.

Felisjyta, riding Vasya at a distance far enough to be considered impolite, made no attempt to hide her fury, or her contempt.

Patrice leaned against the wall and waited. The cat, sensing her intention, curled up at her feet, the tip of his tail twitching as he watched the scene.

Rozhalea had no interest in loitering. She slid to the ground in a graceful swirl of indigo silk and tossed the reins to a groom who materialized from inside the stable before sweeping off towards the house. Her path brought her past Patrice, although there were quicker ways to return indoors.

"Felisjyta isn't very reliable, you know," she said. "It's possible only dragons would have enough patience to deal with her, but you could easily find better company among the Serzeks, and perhaps even the Runerians for that matter."

Patrice just looked at her, with all the impassive disdain a dragon could muster for humankind. Despite Felisjyta's warning that Rozhalea could be dangerous, Patrice simply could not bring herself to even pretend to respect the other woman. But Rozhalea had been prepared for her this time. She didn't even falter.

#Dragon's Daughter #femslash #LGBT+ writeblr #queer writeblr #LGBT+ fantasy #queer fantasy #Thursday Teaser #writing #Dragon’s Daughter Thursday Teaser #TC's Writing

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fatewoven · 3 years ago

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❝ explaining is an admission of failure. ❞ @ymagishi / prompt.

At day’s end, or the beginning. Rain shifts over the land, pearl drippings clinging to leaves outside the window as the clouds roil an indigo gray — last year’s autumn slackened from gutters for the summer. Iara’s hands do not shake in the midst of it, surgeon-precise, but an absence of certainty, the fluid assurance her movements flowed by minutes ago, offer a clear picture of her shock. Time continues to shrink away like snow as her eyes rove, seeking out the wound of the arrow from years past as if more evidence is even necessary. She kneels next to Yukako where she sits, posture introspective, her school uniform pressed and freshly starched, the pleats of her skirt iron-straight despite how her fingers worry (occasionally) at the hem. “You are a child. There is no failure in that.” Reassurance comes first, the importance of it weighed further by how her hands envelop Yukako’s, gentle, softened by beeswax creams. The old couch bears this sorrow easily, as it’s done for many others before today. “I—I admit it is hard to fully understand what happened.” It’s a fantastic story seemingly plucked straight out of thin-papered fiction novels. Yet, the same could be said of women who shed their skin and grow fangs instead, fur the color of embers as the moon waxes. Unbelievable. Horrifying. And entirely true. “But the world is full of mysteries that defy explanation. Oh, honey, that must’ve been terrifying for you.” Sympathy flows freely, shown in full across her mien, and Iara rises, arms enveloping her in a tightening embrace. “You’ve been carrying quite the burden, haven’t you?” she says, quiet. Drawing back, squeezing her arms one last time as affirmation, looking steadily, Iara offers a watery smile. “Thank you for telling me... I know what it’s like to hold onto a secret for so long it festers.”

#ymagishi #iara / interactions.#/ iara will probably show her she's a werewolf at some point after this too <3

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allycryz · 4 years ago

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WOL Challenge #3: You

[Prompt List Here]

[Filled Prompt List Here]

Haurchefant x Nerys, set immediately after Ardent [Ao3 Link]

Heavensward, right after Inquisition trial and before “Keeping the Flame Alive”

Rating: T for off-screen sex, sex talk

~*This is 2K words, most of it is fluff and I revel in it*~

The Fortemps library is a grand one. Haurchefant is not certain how it compares–he has only been in Haillenarte's with Francel–but imagines it is the finest in Ishgard. His father is a man of letters, a true believer in the power of words. And one who expected his sons to follow suit.

His education differed greatly from his brothers’ the day he became a knight’s page. Even still, his lord father sent him monthly parcels of books. He was expected to read them all and send detailed reports on the contents. Had he ever kept up his thaumaturgy studies, he would have been hard-pressed to find the time.

As it was, he’d stayed up often to fit in the poetry and novels not on the list. Count Edmont was a modern man and his syllabus reflected this–vetted popular authors and poets made it into the parcels. Never in the quantity Haurchefant would have liked. And never some of the one-gil books he bought in The Pillars.

When he was a boy, there were songs for sale about body functions and noises; exaggerated tales of heroes fighting all manner of beasts and foes. As a youth, these became long, violent epics of battles and bravery. As a young man: lurid poems and explicit romance novels. Some as grand and sweeping as the classical romances his Father promoted. Some were not.

He has managed to introduce some contemporary poets into the collection. Not all. Edmont’s tastes in poetry run more traditional. Some of the rising stars of the field are roundly rejected.

Haurchefant is working on that.

Today, he feels romantic in both classic and literal senses. And as his Father has ordered him to stay for a day and night, indulging in a novel sounds just the thing. It seems that getting trapped in a blizzard–even if things had gone fine, more than fine–means your noble father turns to such decrees.

At least, that is what it means now they are growing close, as they never had been. Another miracle Nerys has wrought with her coming. And as Haurchefant has full faith in Corentiaux and the rest...he allows himself to be thus ordered.

Someone else is in the library. He can sense it soon as he enters. A soldier learns to tell when others are near, even in safe environs such as this. Haurchefant softens his footfalls, peering about the shelves. There, in the alcove reserved for study, he finds the source of today’s romantic mood.

Nerys looks up, eyes turning soft. His heart swells in his chest, his mouth cannot help but smile. It’s unstoppable and he does not ever want it to cease. Was it really only yesterday? That she told me my love was returned?

It seems a dream now, albeit the sweetest one he has ever had.

Her hands sweep at the papers she has laid out, pulling them into a stack. Flips over the one on top. “Hello.”

“Hello, my dear.” How nice to call her that. “I thought you were on a shopping expedition with Emmanellain?”

“I was.” She touches her neckline. So caught up in her eyes, he hadn’t noticed the gown she wore.

Scarlet as the unicorn on his shield, set off with dangling garnets in her ears. The heart-shaped neckline shows off her elegant neck and collar bones. The sleeves are slashed to reveal white fabric beneath and the cuffs have delicate pearls. “I found this. For when I’m here at the manor and not about to fight Inquisitors or dragons.”

“You are breathtaking in it.” He circles the table to take her hand. Bows over it before pressing his mouth to her knuckles. Etiquette demands he should kiss the air above it but surely exceptions are made for lovers.

She is my lover now, he thinks in wonder. Her cheeks stain with a fetching indigo shade. “My lord is kind.”

Haurchefant drops to one knee before his lady and turns her hand. Her palm is just as lovely to kiss. “Your lord means everything he says. But if you require further proof of my ardor…”

Nerys darts a glance about before tilting up his chin. Her kiss is sweet and soft and not a little heated. Would that he might lay her upon the table in this temple of learning and know her better.

Alas, Nerys has asked for discretion. Time to better acquaint themselves as lovers before declaring themselves. They are still friends–always will be, if he has anything to do with it–but this dynamic is new and strange. Haurchefant can understand why the most public figure in Eorzea might want some measure of privacy.

Though, he reflects as he parts from her. Half the fun would be keeping quiet and avoiding discovery.

“I know that look,” she says. “You’re thinking of something lascivious.”

“When I had this look before I confessed, what did you think it meant?”

“The same,” she admits. “But that your love of innuendo was good-natured teasing.”

He heaves a sigh. Either he is not as obvious as Estinien always accuses him or she’d been in deep, deep denial. “Dearest love, how-”

The library doors bang open and the culprit whistles as he walks inside. Haurchefant rises, knowing exactly who it is before he comes into view.

“Old Girl! Old Man!” Emmanellain grins. “You didn’t tell me we were having a party in the library.”

“Impetuous Youth,” Haurchefant shoots back. “What if one of us was deep in study?”

“Oh I don’t deal in ‘what-ifs’. You two are having a conversation, not studying; ergo all is well.”

“He has a point. I think,” says Nerys. “By the by, if Haurchefant is ‘Old Man’, what do you call your eldest brother?”

The two men exchange looks. Smile. Say in unison, “Artoirel.”

Nerys groans and flaps both hands at them in dismissal. “Go fetch whatever you two were looking for. I am actually working on something.”

“Am I to be banished for my baby brother’s crimes?” Haurchefant presses a hand to his heart. “Mistress Eluned, you wound me.”

“If I must be quiet and meek like a mouse, so must you. After all, I am the true leader of our brotherly trio.”

“You are right of course. I could never compare to you.” Haurchefant shakes his head. “Very well, Impetuous Youth. As mice scurry to cheese, let us go to the books we seek.”

“Ordered to seek,” Emmanellian mutters. “I’m to review Ymbelet’s Theorem of Command and deliver a report. As if we hadn’t put our schooling well behind us.”

Haurchefant does his best to soothe his brother. They quiet down at last: the younger man taking his volume off to his chambers, the elder settling into an armchair within eyesight of Nerys. (Far enough away that she may stop hiding her work.)

His novel is a work of popular fiction he’d garnered approval to stock here. No erotic scenes, but romantic enough. Should he ever get his eyes to stay on the page.

Alas, the white-haired sorcerer-king and his beloved princess and his soul-eating sword are no match for the Warrior of Light. The curve of her cheek. The braided coronet of purple and white hair, crowning her while the rest of her curls are a lovely raiment over her shoulders. The quirk to her dark, sweet lips.

She lifts those golden eyes, meeting him. If he were not already lovestruck and bedazzled, that gaze would ensnare him. He smiles and lifts his shoulders in a helpless shrug. Haurchefant isn’t sorry for lingering before a sunset; and that natural wonder is naught in comparison.

“My lord,” says Nerys, her voice carrying. “May I help you?”

“Nay, Mistress.” He shakes his head. “Simply exist as you are and I am satisfied.”

That is when Alphinaud bursts in, looking drawn and pale. If Haurchefant is annoyed at another interruption, that vanishes at the sight. He jumps to his feet. “My lad! Are you alright?”

The youth shakes his head. “Nerys. Tataru has grave news about General Aldynn. We must be off at once.”

She rises, hurrying over in a rush of white and red silk. In an instant she has changed from playfulness to resolute determination. Always ready to become The Warrior, his Nerys.

“Do you require anything?” He asks them. “You know my sword is yours, as is any resource at our disposal.”

Alphnaud shakes his head. “No one must see us enter Thanalan or leave. As soon as we cross back into Coerthas, we’ll send word.”

“I thank you. If you needs must bring the General somewhere safe, Camp Dragonhead’s doors are open to you.” If he must return to his command rather than fight at her side, at least he might be of some use to her. He loves–truly loves–his role but lately, his dearest wish is to be a shield at her back and a sword in her arsenal.

Ah, well, even Sorcerer-Kings do not get all they want. Why should he?

He dips into a sweeping bow to them both. Alphinaud returns it before rushing out, every emotion writ upon his usually perfect diplomat’s mask. Should the General die, the youth will carry it as he does everything else that occurred with the Braves. Haurchefant sends a prayer to Halone, asking for mercy on him.

Nerys takes his hand. Squeezes it. He squeezes it back. She smiles before picking up her skirts and rushing afterward.

It proves impossible to focus after that, even more than before. For a moment he entertains armoring up and following. This isn’t Dragonhead and so none of the knights with orders to keep him safe are here. (That time with Iceheart, Corentiaux had actually sat upon him.)

But they have asked he stay behind. So he will.

Haurchefant can take care of Nerys’ papers for her. He means to pointedly not look at the contents. He truly does. But he sees a piece of paper with his name on top, another with his last name, and his resolve crumbles.

The first piece of paper is titled “Minako” in large, neat letters. Beneath are names like Mamoru, Umino, Motoki. Her Yellow Chocobo is named Minako. Therefore, this is for…

The next sheet of paper confirms his suspicions. Under the heading “Black Chocobo” are the names Endymion, Starlight, Twilight, Onyx. Below that, a subheading “Elegance” with virtue monikers: Noble, Dignity, Charming.

And so, when he arrives to the last three papers (titled “Haurchefant”, “Greystone”, and “Fortemps”), he cannot contain his joy. The little note scribbled atop “Haurchefant” tickles him further. He gave you the Chocobo and you adore him. Will he be offended? He might be offended.

Haurchefant is certainly not offended.

He delights in the candidates, even some of the ones she crossed out. Sadly, there is no option for “Haurchefant” or “Haurchefant II.” I suppose that might get confusing.

Grinning, he picks up her leather folio and tucks her work inside. Hopefully, she will forgive his snooping because he has some ideas about this.

The Lord Commander’s bed at Camp Dragonhead may be the most comfortable place in Eorzea.

Nerys should get up to clean, brush her teeth, all the little nighttime rituals. But she is so pleasantly exhausted and the blankets are so soft and warm. She stretches, luxuriating in the feel of them against her skin. It has been a harrowing few days since her abrupt departure from Ishgard. But all is well and now, she feels nothing but comfort.

The bed could be warmer with her companion. But then she wouldn’t get to see his bare bottom as he slips into the bathroom. Halone must adore him to bless him with such a lovely rear.

“My love,” he calls after a while. “I have a confession to make.”

“Oh? Should I be worried?”

“I hope not.” He returns with a washcloth, his black silk robe barely closed against the cold. The fireplace sends flickers of light across his sculpted chest. “I may be overstepping but...I must say that I truly adore the name Grey. Though Tempsy is charming. Also, may I suggest Haurchon?”

What does he...oh. Oh! Nerys groans and buries her face in a pillow. She had been in such haste to rescue Raubahn–rightfully so!–that she had left all her papers there. All face up, all in the open.

The mattress dips as Haurchefant sits beside her. One hand strokes her hair, gentle and sweet. “I should not have pried but Nerys–my dearest one–I am utterly and truly touched by the idea. Though of course, if you pick a different name I will not be offended.”

“I only...well, I wouldn’t have him if not for you,” she mutters into the pillow, heat filling her face. “And if not for him, we wouldn’t have been in Coerthas that day.”

“So we owe him a great honor, for bringing us together at last.” His lips press against her bare shoulder. “Of course, the truest honor would be to name him after yourself-”

She turns then, mortification at last leaving her. Cups his face in her hands. “I am not playing this game where we go on for hours about who is better. Let’s agree it’s you and end it there.”

“Oh my love,” he sighs, bending down to her. “Though you are wrong, I must obey if it proves to you the depth of my regard.”

“I know another way you could prove it,” she says, pulling him atop her.

Grey likes his name.

#seaswolchallenge #nerys eluned #haurchefant greystone #haurchefant x wol #emmanellain de fortemps #Alphinaud Leveilleur #they're cute!#I love them #I love writing him when he's in love #and he is so often in love #:3 #ally writes

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terramythos · 4 years ago

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TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 33 of 26

Title: The Edge of Worlds (2016) (The Books of the Raksura #4)

Author: Martha Wells

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Adventure, LGBT Protagonist, Third-Person

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 11/28/2020

Date Finished: 12/09/2020

Two turns after The Siren Depths, Moon has settled into life in the Indigo Cloud colony with young children of his own. But when all the adult Raksura experience a disturbing, shared nightmare that foretells the destruction of their home at the hands of the Fell, things are about to change. Soon an expedition of strange groundlings visit The Reaches, claiming they need the Raksura to help investigate a mysterious abandoned city far to the west. Believing the two events are linked, Moon and the others embark on a journey to avert disaster. However, they soon find more than they bargained for when a Fell attack traps them in the deadly, labyrinthine city ruins.

If eyes fall on this, and no one is here to greet you, then we have failed. Yet you exist, so our failure is not complete.

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Graphic violence and action. Some mind control stuff (par for the course at this point).

This is a difficult book to review because it is, for all intents and purposes, part one of a longer two-part story. While the three previous books were all self-contained, The Edge of Worlds isn't, even ending on a cliffhanger. I feel like this duology might have been written as a single book but got split for publishing reasons. As of this writing I have not read the next book, The Harbors of the Sun. So take what I say with a grain of salt, because my commentary assumes the next book will address certain things.

The Edge of Worlds’ core plot builds on threads from the previous book-- mysterious ancestors, bizarre dead cities, the Fell/Raksura crossbreeds, and so on. This book doesn't include any new details about the ancestors, which are just called "the forerunners", but I expect the next book to touch on this more, as it’s been a consistent Thing in the series. There's also another mysterious, ancient ruin critical to the plot. However, it’s pretty different than the underwater city in The Siren Depths, so doesn't seem repetitive. Oddly, it reminds me of House Of Leaves with its vast size, impenetrable darkness, and sentient (?) traps.

The book also explores Fell/Raksura crossbreeds in yet another way. Previous books depicted them as terrifying weapons (The Cloud Roads) or just weird looking Raksura (The Siren Depths). The Edge of Worlds splits the difference, introducing a Fell flight that seems much more sympathetic and reasonable than any encountered thus far-- led by a crossbreed queen. My criticism of the Fell way back in The Cloud Roads is they're basically an Always Chaotic Evil horde of predators, but this new idea adds a lot of nuance. Though I am assuming the next book goes into this more, as they’re just introduced here. It's important to remember the Fell and Raksura are descended from the same ancestor, and even though Raksura are the heroes of the story, there are a lot of similarities between the two species. Overall this is one of the most intriguing threads in the series, and I'm glad we keep coming back to it in new ways.

Another thing this book does differently is perspective. Moon is the POV character in the other main entries. While that's still true, there are several interludes from the perspectives of others. For practical purposes this is to show what's going on outside of the main party, particularly so Malachite showing up at the end doesn't feel like an asspull. Also, certain events really do need to be explained when Moon isn't present. I can respect that.

From a reading standpoint I really like these alternate points of view. They're all minor characters-- Lithe, Ember, Merit, River, and Niran-- which is an interesting choice. Ember's interlude is actually my favorite part of the book. It's fun to see a more "traditional" consort approach an awkward situation, and I like his initial struggle to accept and treat Shade (one of the crossbreeds and a personal fave of mine from the last book) as a regular consort. Ember comes off as very submissive in the rest of the series so it's fun to see him take charge. Also this part features a scene in which two intimidating Raksuran queens, Pearl and Malachite, have the most tense tea service of all time. It's just hilarious.

This book actually has a trans analogue with the Janderan, the primary groundling species, who apparently choose their gender when they reach adulthood. Specifically there’s a focus on a young man named Kalam, who just took that step. This doesn't feel like the standard fantasy/scifi copout because humans literally do not exist in the series. Wells handles trans/nonbinary/agender characters (human and otherwise) extremely well in The Murderbot Diaries so I feel it’s in good faith. LGBT rep in the Raksura series has been great so far, honestly. Moon/Jade/Chime is like... canon, man.

Another general observation I haven't previously noted... I love how many interesting and varied flying ships there are in this world. They're all boat-like (nothing like airplanes) but there has been a different kind in each book. Considering that most of the main cast can fly it's interesting that flying ships are consistently integral to the plot. It would be so easy to cop out and design one ship that every society uses, but Wells really makes them all unique despite serving similar functions to the story. The ship in this one is organic, powered by living, cultivated moss. I dunno! I just think it’s neat.

I do have one criticism for The Edge of Worlds, keeping in mind it's part one of a longer story. The pacing. This book is pretty slow; it takes a while to get going and then there are lots of lengthy travel sequences. As long as there’s interesting flavor to it, I generally don't mind this approach. It allows for breathing room and character interaction. But even I started feeling bored at points and had to power through. It feels like a lot of the travel could have been cut from the book without losing much. For example, the journey to the colony tree in The Serpent Sea took up maybe a few chapters. I appreciate travel in this series from a worldbuilding perspective, but in this case I think some time gaps would have been fine. The action doesn't pick up until the party arrives at the ruin, in the latter half of the book.

Also, this isn't really a criticism, but there are several references to the Raksura novellas and short stories. I haven't read them (yet) so they’re totally lost on me. I can't blame Wells for including references, both as a wink/nudge to people who have read them and because ignoring relevant ideas makes no sense. But as someone lacking context it comes off as awkward to have a character think “WOW, this is just like that one time Jade had to do this one thing!” and I’m just like “...it is???”

Despite this I like just about everything else in the story, especially the second half. It really does feel like a proper finale, bringing back notable characters from throughout the series (not anyone from The Serpent Sea yet... I do have my suspicions here, though). River seems to be getting a mini redemption? The labyrinthine, dark city is creepy, and the artifact they find inside it is super unsettling. All the climactic action is intriguing, particularly regarding the new Fell crossbreeds. The novel ends abruptly, but that’s understandable since the next book leads right off from it. I'm really excited to see how the Raksura story concludes.

#taylor reads #2020 reading challenge #BONUS ROUND #9/10 #me: well that line is foreboding and probably foreshadowing let's use it with no context

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imagine-organization-xiii · 5 years ago

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Okay but.. Adult Org Members and their S/O planning their wedding? Who’s into it? Who’s excited? Who has no fucking clue what’s going on. Go.

Masterlist 1 - Masterlist 2 - Masterlist 3 - Holiday and Vacation Masterlist

Buy me a coffee here!

Below the cut because this one got pretty long!

Xemnas

Immediately offers to hire a wedding planner the moment you suggest sitting down and talking with him about the general idea for the wedding. It isn’t as if he thinks you can’t do it yourself - he just doesn’t want you to be overwhelmed. But you insist that you’d rather plan everything yourself, that way you know that everything gets done the way you want it.

Will give his opinion on certain things if you ask for it, but mostly just allows you to do whatever it is you want. He wants you to have the time in your life, so you can pretty much do what you want, within reason, of course.

He asks to handle the guest list and you insist on it - you both want a small and intimate ceremony with just a few of your close friends - or in his case, his acquaintances and co-workers. There’s no need for anything too big, flashy, or gaudy, and you trust him to make some good decisions on who to invite.

The wedding is sweet and sophisticated, sleek whites and pearl tones with vintage lace and a beautiful, three-tiered cake that is practically to die for. He’s impressed that you manage to throw together something so stunning, but he really shouldn’t be surprised. You’re an impressive person and he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him otherwise.

Xigbar

Wedding planning stresses him the fuck out and he seriously has no idea how you can be so patient and do everything yourself without losing your mind. Looking at color patterns and the list of venues and the HUNDREDS OF FLOWERS gives him an immediate headache.

He has a few requests - nothing too brightly colored, not too much lace, and there are certain people that he wants you to neglect to invite - “Xigbar, we can’t just leave out half of the organization members, that isn’t fair to them.” - but overall you pretty much have free reign.

Wedding planning probably gives him hives - there’s just something about the overwhelming madness of the endless lists and “the navy blue and indigo place settings look almost exactly the same, why are you telling me that they’re different colors” and ugh, he trusts you enough to marry you so he’ll happily step aside and let you do your own thing and reassures you that he’ll be standing at the front of the altar on the big day.

Xaldin

Xaldin had already been engaged in a relationship that ended unhappily and he hadn’t really gotten a chance to help plan the wedding before it all went down in flames, so he wasn’t sure about the idea of another one., He loved you and he was sure that you loved him, but there was still a part of him that was worried that it wouldn’t work out like his last relationship did.

That’s why wedding planning is slow. You don’t want to overwhelm him and scare him away - not that he’s easily frightened - but you don’t want him to feel any regrets and you want him to have a say in everything that the two of you plan. The wedding is for both of you, so you want his opinion on arrangements and color schemes and fabrics.

He actually kind of… enjoys it? He especially likes the cake tasting and when the two of you went to go taste test some of the various hors d'oeuvres. He likes being included in things even though he’ll never actually admit it to you.

At first, he’s pretty hesitant to actually give his opinions, like he thinks he might get something wrong or pick something you don’t like. But!!! You make sure to reassure him that he can’t choose anything wrong and that this is supposed to be about celebrating your love, which means that you have to surround yourself with things that make you happy!

He gets pretty relaxed after that conversation and more open to giving his opinion, and it seems like he’s actually looking forward to the wedding. There are still going to be a few jitters and nervousness from him, especially as the big day draws closer, but overall he’s so happy to know that he’s going to be sharing his life with you.

Vexen

Couldn’t give any less of a shit about what you want to do for your wedding. You want him to help you plan it, but you both know that he would be happy with a simple civil ceremony. He knows that you want something meaningful, though, so he lets you do what you want because it makes you happy. Besides, the end result is still going to be the same, so he supposes that it really doesn’t matter.

Gets a little more into it when the big day gets a little closer. He knows that you’re stressed and overwhelmed, but this is supposed to be a fun time for you, so he’ll take the lead if he sees that you’re losing it. He honestly doesn’t mind helping - despite the fact that he doesn’t see the point of the whole thing - but it means a lot that he’s taking some initiative.

Looks at the whole thing fairly clinically, the same way he looks at everything else in life. Organizes your whole calendar, your wedding planning book, etc., before you even have a chance to stop him. He says it’s because it makes more sense his way, and you can’t deny that he’s right. He pretty much takes it upon himself to tweak the whole wedding and you let him because even though he won’t ever admit it, he seems to be enjoying himself.

Lexaeus

You would not believe how excited this man is to plan a wedding with you. He won’t show it in front of anyone else, but he’s so!!! happy!!! And really, it doesn’t matter what kind of wedding you plan - he’s just excited to know that he gets to spend the rest of his life with you.

Does a lot of the heavy lifting and threatening people tbh. You’ll be talking to one of the vendors and Lexaeus will just be behind you scowling and with his arms crossed, looking intimidating to make sure you get fair prices and don’t get scammed. It’s ridiculous, but you can’t deny that it didn’t get you a few discounts.

Super pleased whenever you ask for his help or for his opinion on things. This is a big part of life for both of you and he wants it to mean something - to be filled with things that you both love and enjoy and people that are important to you. You create a ceremony together that is intimate and filled with love, and the anticipation for it grows more and more each day.

Zexion

Zexion makes it clear from the beginning that he doesn’t want anything extravagant. If he had his way then he would be happy with an intimate ceremony at a courthouse just signing a few papers and dinner at a nice restaurant to celebrate, but he knows that you’ve dreamed of this for years, so he concedes to let you do what you want, within reason, of course.

Secretly, though he’d never admit it to anyone (including you), he wants the type of wedding that he reads about in his novels. He never thought he would have a fairytale, happily ever after, but the feeling he gets with you makes it seem like he’s come pretty damn close.

You get his opinion on certain things to make him feel included, but you want the whole experience to be a surprise for him. He may not say what he wants, but you know him, so your wedding is filled with lace and pretty colors and themes from literature that he can immediately recognize. You look almost otherworldly when you walk down the aisle and he loves what you’ve planned for the two of you.

Saix

Saix is a bit of an organization genius, so he takes a front and center position in helping to plan your wedding. He’s better at keeping track of things and he’s the one who reminds you of your various appointments when you get overwhelmed.

He insists that you have the wedding sometime in the evening, preferably outside on a clear night where you can see the moon and the stars in the sky. It leads to an intimate setting that you and your guests enjoy, so you’re happy that you went along with his choice.

He doesn’t appear to be excited, but you’re sure that he feels as much anticipation as you do. He’s eager whenever the two of you sit down and do some serious planning for the wedding and is willing to listen to whatever suggestions you may have as long as you do the same for him.

Kind of bullies the guy who’s baking your cake and the owner of the venue to give you discounts, but you aren’t complaining - this shit is expensive and you’re willing to take whatever you can get when it comes to discounts.

Gets so into the planning that he’s half-tempted to go with you to pick out your dress, but you insist that he’s not allowed to join you. It’s supposed to be a surprise and it’s bad luck for you to see him in your wedding gown, so this would be one thing he’d have to stay away from.

Axel

Another boy who is super excited about both the wedding and being able to spend the rest of his life with you. You make a deal with each other, overall. He gets to handle the reception and you get to handle and plan the actual wedding. It ends up working out perfectly - the wedding is exactly how you pictured! It’s a relaxed ceremony with your loved ones and friends and the reception is fun, upbeat, and leaves everyone exhausted and satisfied.

He’s excited, yes, but… he really has no idea what’s going on when it comes to the actual wedding planning. He can plan a reception - it’s just a party, of course - but the intricacies of planning an actual wedding are lost on him. You start talking about table settings and seating arrangements and his eyes kind of glaze over a bit, so maybe you might have to help a bit with planning the reception if - when - he gets a little too stressed out, but the two of you throw together a wonderful ceremony! Sure, it isn’t the most amazing thing in the world, but it’s more you that way and neither of you can be happier.

Demyx

Demyx is so damn excited, he can’t even express the emotions in words. Sometimes you think that he’s more excited about planning the wedding than he is about getting married, but that’s okay because it’s supposed to be an exciting time for the both of you! You’re happy that he’s eager because it means that he’s more than willing to help you with planning.

Demyx ultimately wants a summery wedding, something near the water, like on a beach or a cliff overlooking the ocean. You also let him handle the music, but you have to pull the reins on him for a bit when he puts some ridiculous music into your playlist. Otherwise, you’re happy to let him live out his dream.

You handle almost everything else, but you always make sure to ask his opinion on certain things, like the flowers or the food. He wants to have things that everyone will enjoy, not just the two of you, so he can make sure that your wedding is something that everyone will remember.

Luxord

Luxord pretends he isn’t eager for the wedding day to arrive, but he definitely is. He wouldn’t be helping you with it otherwise. You insist that the whole process would move a lot faster if you had his input, so it comes as no surprise to you when he suddenly starts asking questions and giving his thoughts on certain styles of floral arrangements and hints at his preferences for cakes.

Let’s you pretty much do what you want, but he insists that it at least be somewhat traditional. Vintage and antique are a rampant theme for your wedding, once you reassure him that it won’t be too modern, he seems happy to let you have your dream wedding, which you do!

Marluxia

This man has had his dream wedding planned out since he was eight years old. He knows exactly what he wants and will do whatever he can to get it. He has ideas and expectations so anyone involved in the wedding doesn’t need to worry about you becoming Bridezilla - instead, they need to worry about Marluxia becoming the groom from Hell.

Willing to compromise on a lot of things with you, though, because it’s your wedding just as much as it’s his. You’re so amused that you’re willing to let Marluxia do what he wants and see where it goes, with a few exceptions, of course. He plans a beautiful wedding that takes you by surprise, but you shouldn’t be shocked - Marluxia always had an eye for design.

Has everything planned down to the letter and you need to pray for anyone who accidentally screws up his plans. Everything needs to be perfect and Marluxia will probably set someone on fire if they even screw up the tiniest little detail.

Larxene

You and Larxene handle everything side by side, never making a decision without the approval of the other person. The only thing that you don’t get the other’s approval on are the wedding gowns, but that’s really only because you want it to be a surprise!

Neither of you want a big wedding, so a smaller affair with just a few friends is something that the two of you are really leaning towards. There’s nothing wrong with a smaller ceremony that’s a little more modern. Larxene is worried that she’s keeping you from having your dream wedding, but you have to reassure her that her wants are your wants - and that you need to do these things as a team. Besides, marriage is about compromise, isn’t it?

It turns out that the point is moot, anyway. By the end of the wedding day, the two of you are exhausted and burnt out, so you’re kind of happy that you chose to have a smaller affair. It ended up working out perfectly that way and made sure that neither of you got completely overwhelmed.

#nopantssaturday #organization xiii #organization xiii headcanons #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts headcanon

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year ago

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Romance novels with maximum angst/pinning that are not the Earl Takes it All or Waking Up with the Duke (have read and loved those)?

Well, definitely check out more of Lorraine's backlist! When the Duke Was Wicked and The Duke and the Lady in Red are also super angst. WtDWW has a heroine who was infatuated with the hero as a child and watched him marry another woman, only for him to begin to fall for her after his wife dies when she asks him to help her find a suitor. I describe it often as "What if Romancing Mr. Bridgerton was a lot hotter and also good?" The Duke and the Lady in Red is fucking agonizingly sad at points in the best way.

Other Heaths if you haven't tried them: Between the Devil and Desire (TW: discussions of childhood sexual abuse) in which we get one of my favorite rogue/uptight widow pairings I've ever read; Once More, My Darling Rogue (same TW) which makes an amnesia plot work and wrings it through for max angst (it's a retelling of Overboard! starring Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, lol); Surrender to the Devil (again, TW childhood sexual abuse). The entire Scoundrels of St. James series is very angsty as it's basically about a group of kids who experienced immense trauma and then grew up and became successful friends; the Scandalous Gentlemen of St. James is a sequel series about THEIR kids.

Elizabeth Hoyt gives great angst. My favorites include Thief of Shadows (TW: miscarriage and infertility), Scandalous Desires, Duke of Midnight, Sweetest Scoundrel (TW: childhood sexual abuse).

Indigo by Beverly Jenkins has a great "rake falls for sensible virgin" story. Both the hero and heroine work in the Underground Railroad, and the heroine was enslaved as a child. I really love the pining in this one.

Peak pining and angst can be found in The Dragon and the Pearl by Jeannie Lin, a star-crossed villain as hero story in which a warlord kidnaps a former concubine to get info out of her, and ends up falling in love with her. There's an incredibly angsty scene where he tattoos her with his mark (on her request) because they believe he's going to go off and die soon... ugh, I fucking LIVED.

A Rake's Guide to Seduction by Caroline Linden has FAB pining and angst. Hero is the rakish best friend of the heroine's older brother and realizes he loves her, but when he goes to ask her brother for permission to court her he's too late--she's engaged. Four years later, she's a widow and depressed after a bad marriage, and they meet again at a house party. He tries to cheer her up............. and then shit happens.

Private Arrangements by Sherry Thomas is a supremely angsty read about a married couple that has been separated for basically their entire 10-year marriage. She wants a divorce so she can marry her lover, and he's like "yeah sure whatever, but first give me a baby". It's not YEAH SURE WHATEVER as it turns out.

Never Seduce a Duke by Vivienne Lorret begins super funny and then gets angstier as time goes on, complete with a multi-year time jump!!!

The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie (widow heroine falls for hero who's on the spectrum and was once literally locked up by his family) and Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage (second chance romance for married couple that separated after tragedy and incompatabilities) by Jennifer Ashley give you big Scottish angst.

How to Marry a Marquess by Stacy Reid--friends to lovers with a heroine who desperately wants the hero, while he thinks she can't deal with his life (he's very scandalous because he claimed his illegitimate child). This girl literally like. Almost dies on the moors.

When the Earl Met His Match by Stacy Reid. Pregnant heroine seeks a marriage from the hero, who she's never met before in person, after her lover abandons her. He's mute and agrees to claim the baby and marry her. It's really gorgeous because she learns sign language, grows close to him, etc, but there's some REAL good angst, complete with an "I love you" mid-sex.

The Duke Gets Even by Joanna Shupe has enemies to lovers, a heroine who doesn't want to fall in love, and a hero who falls hard--while having a heart condition that will significantly shorten his life if it's never mended.

Ever Yours, Annabelle by Elisa Braden. Heroine was in love with the hero in her childhood, he got seriously injured and they separated for years. Book deals with them reuniting, lots of angst, especially for Elisa Braden.

Elizabeth Lowell's medieval trilogy (read in order) has peak 90s romance angst! Untamed has an arranged marriage plot with a super alpha hero who wants a son and a heroine whose family line only yields boys if the mother is iN LOVE; Forbidden, amnesiac hero paired with a heroine who knows who he is but keeps it from him; Enchanted, the darkest of the three, heroine is recovering from a sexual assault and intense trauma while in an arranged marriage to a man who has no idea. Read wisely, again it's 90s era.

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall. The heroine is a trans woman who faked her death at Waterloo in order to transition, reunites with her best friend years later because he's suffering from severe depression and survivor's guilt. But what happens when he recognizes her???

Again the Magic by Lisa Kleypas. Hero and heroine fall in love as teens; she's a fine lady and he's a servant and she's forced to reject him. He comes back years later BENT ON REVENGE!!!!

If you're down for non-historical angst, of course Immortals After Dark by Kresley Cole for PNR (especially Dark Needs at Night's Edge and Dreams of a Dark Warrior, GOOD GOD), the Kings of Italy series by Mila Finelli (mafia angst), Give Me More by Sara Cate (throuple angst when a husband and wife invite their best friend into the marriage), Kiss an Angel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips (90s contemporary arranged marriage CIRCUS angst), Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid (m/m hockey hookups secret lovers illicit affairs angst).

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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silentkpublishing · 4 years ago

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A TASTE OF INDIGO

‘The INDIGO PEARL’ a novel by V Knox

A STORY OF YOUNG LOVE AND OLD SOULS

When the extrasensory abilities of Delphi Sharpe, an autistic girl who converses with paintings and birds, are transplanted into the circuits of an android designed to retrieve famous works of art lost in the past, intelligence is no longer artificial.

AI = autistic intelligence… ‘state of the art’ time travel just became…

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selfpublishingnews · 6 years ago

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From Publishers Weekly.

Booksellers, publishers, librarians, and agents are encouraged to look at the 101 self-published titles below. Each appears with a list of retailers that are selling the book and a description provided by its author. Some of these writers are waiting to be discovered; others have track records and followings and are doing it on their own. If you are a self-published author interested in listing titles in this section, please visit publishersweekly.com/pw-select for more information.

Fiction

Against Walls (Amgalant, Book 1)

Bryn Hammond. Bryn Hammond. $21 paper (570p), ISBN 978-1-980893-96-7; $6.99 e-book, ASIN B0083EOGHI

Amazon, Apple iBooks, BN.com, Kobo

The Mongols’ 100 tribes have come together with one aim: to push back against the walls that have crept onto the steppe farther than China has ever extended its walls before.

At Vitoria: A City’s Medieval Promise Between Christians and Sephardic Jews

Marcia Riman Selz. Archway Publishing. $17.99 paper (266p), ISBN 978-1-4808-5297-6; $3.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-4808-5296-9

Amazon

In this story of survival that transcends generations, a medieval Jewish family must overcome religious differences and resentments in order to preserve its legacy.

Baby Snakes

Demarest Campbell. Okir. $9.99 paper (314p), ISBN 978-1-64271-060-1

Amazon, BN.com

Cinematic and unsentimental, this novel is a wry Victorian pastiche about profane clandestine relationships, opium, and treason.

Beyond the Fire

Dewayne A. Jackson. WestBow Press. $24.95 paper (556p), ISBN 978-1-5127-9557-8; $2.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-5127-9558-5

Amazon

When Destry travels to meet her in-laws for the first time, they all end up trapped by a terrible blizzard. Waiting it out, Destry begins to wonder if God actually interacts with people.

A Bullied Reunion

Chris Ponici. Tellwell Talent. $2.97 e-book, ASIN B07GQBXWQY

Amazon, BN.com, Chapters, Indigo

A coming-of-age noir story illustrating the life of a bullied teenager, with a revenge plot that ties it all together.

Clones New People

Angelo Gualtieri. Capstone Media Services. $14.50 paper (589p), ISBN 978-1-71987-093-1

Amazon

Having spent much time writing reports, Gualtieri turned to stories in his retirement. Reports have to be factual, he says; in stories you can let your imagination run free.

Dog Wash. Can I Help You?

J.L. Campbell. iUniverse. $28.99 paper (492p), ISBN 978-1-5320-3794-8; $3.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-5320-3793-1

Amazon

Tony, a homeless veteran, prays to his patron saint to help him find a job. Then Tony enters a grooming salon, where a talking bird welcomes him to his future.

Gap-Toothed Girl

Ray Harvey. Pearl Button Press. $8 paper (192p), ISBN 978-0-9823979-8-5; $3.99 e-book, ASIN B07GTBLNXS

Amazon

Dusty May, an orphan, runs away from her foster father to pursue her dream of lightness and ballet, even as her foster father unleashes an army to bring her down.

The Garnet Bunches

Zeynab Salimova. Xlibris. $15.99 paper (318p), ISBN 978-1-5434-4193-2; $3.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-5434-4192-5

Amazon

A novel charting the journey of a woman and her family through trials to find refuge in a new land. A story reflecting the life of the people in Azerbaijan.

Hamda’s Ashes: The Story of a Palestinian Exile

Ghassoub Bani Kanaan. PartridgeSingapore. $21.45 paper (392p), ISBN 978-1-4828-8253-7; $3.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-4828-8255-1

Amazon

A Palestinian exile bravely conquers many hurdles to rise above childhood abandonment and fear to become a respected instructor at a prestigious Dubai college.

Raised on Rock

Thomas Drago. Gold Avenue Press. $11.99 paper (276p), ISBN 978-0-692-17231-5; 99¢ e-book, ASIN B07HL9B6S8

Amazon

After his wife’s health scare, rock singer Dante Rose struggles to reunite with his garage band only to learn a secret buried in their past.

The Reluctant Healer

Andrew Himmel. Greenleaf Book Group Press. $16.95 paper (312p), ISBN 978-1-62634-530-0

Amazon

An attorney is torn between evidence that he has the spiritual ability to heal others and his lifelong skepticism of alternative views.

A Reunion in Heaven

John Kumara. John Kumara. $9.95 e-book, ISBN 978-84-09-01150-6

Amazon

The happy marriage of Margaret Thompson and Peter Doyle is brought to an abrupt end by a dramatic traffic accident in which he dies and she is left blind.

The Supreme Plan

John Kumara. John Kumara. $9.95 e-book, ISBN 978-84-617-8807-1

Amazon

Tom Bosak, a successful broker in New York, decides to take a break from his job, as he feels stressed and empty.

Your Pick: Selected Stories

V.S. Kemanis. Opus Nine Books. $14.99 paper (267p), ISBN 978-0-9997850-2-7; $4.99 e-book, ISBN 978-0-9997850-1-0

Amazon, BN.com

A dozen stories, reader favorites, carefully selected from the author’s four collections of literary short fiction.

Poetry

A War of Love

William T. Elliott. Xlibris. $19.99 paper (128p), ISBN 978-1-5144-0231-3; $3.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-5144-0186-6

Amazon

This poetry collection is a Vietnam-era veteran’s view of life, encompassing its struggles, its humor and beauty, and its triumphs of the spirit.

[email protected]

Cecilia Cetateanu. Dorrance Publishing. $11 paper (78p), ISBN 978-1-4809-4800-6

DorranceBookstore.com

In Cetateanu’s new collection, poetry and science meet. A good poem, a good tool, is a work of love and belief. The poet’s soul and mind are unified by words and numbers.

Forest Lungs

Andrew Zubinas. Toplink Publishing. $11.99 paper (278p), ISBN 978-1-947620-15-5

Amazon, BN.com

This book-length poem is a celebration of the trees and forests that serve as the lungs of Earth.

Illscript & Oratorio Series: Encomienda Oblique, a Morning Between Watermelon Walls

PmOC. Discourse Studios. $1.99 e-book, ASIN B07GD8QND6

Amazon

A modern-day illuminated manuscript created in an ironic, improvisational style.

The Lament: Selected Poems and Prose

Ercell H. Hoffman. Outskirts Press. $9.95 paper (118p), ISBN 978-1-4327-4346-8

Amazon

Celebrate love in all its forms and in all its glory through heartfully written poems.

Tough as Nails: Poems Inspired by God

Karen J. Chisholm. Xlibris. $19.99 paper (148p), ISBN 978-1-5035-2891-8; $3.99 e-book, ISBN 978-1-5035-2892-5

Amazon

This collection looks at the heavenly father’s thoughts toward humankind and is filled with his words of encouragement.

Much more found at publishersweekly.com

#Self published #self-publish #self publish #self publishing author #indie author #hybrid author #indie publishing #books #publishing #book publishing #poetry #fiction #nonfiction #writers #publishers weekly

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benotafraid · 7 years ago

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Genesis

Following is the long awaited, first half of the chapter Genesis from my novel, Be Not Afraid; Memoirs of the Bound. This teaser should speak for itself. Follow the main characters memories of the Heavens and key historical events, but start off with their take of the Early Earth.

I hope you all enjoy! If you’re interested in finding out more, feel free to follow here, or consider becoming a patron on Patreon, where for just $1 (£0.77 or €0.85) a month you can gain access to the FULL first chapter Genesis (four times the length of this excerpt!) and many, many more bonus features. And, as always, thank you all so much!

I remember a time when the Earth was without humans; O what a time that was.

I remember their beginning, and I remember long before. I remember watching from home through the Asterium, a fancy observatory more or less, at a cloud of celestial debris that one day would be the entire star system I now, albeit reluctantly, name home. There was a time when I could walk across the surface of a planet you would call hellish; when the ground underfoot was burning and a molten ocean of all manner of metal, and when the frigid breeze reeked of brimstone and ammoniac salt. I remember walking along ridges with erupting fire and molten rock, letting the subterranean heat soothe my aching soles as the weak sunlight struggled to heat my back.

The sky was a thick admiral blue like seashells when the noon was high, and deep violet when the sun was setting. Dazzling meteorites broke the atmosphere frequently, it made visiting here pretty funny, I’d see angels without premonition standing right where a meteor was burning up in the atmosphere above, and watch fragmented meteorites pelted down on them. There was a majesty unmatched, however; one has not seen something as magnificent as a meteor breaking the atmosphere and imploding into a million tiny shards, an auburn shadow cast onto the indigo sky. It was a rain of which I was partial to, truly.

This was a planet of which I was very fond. It reminded me of my home when it was not long from its nascency. I’m not too prideful to admit I was disappointed when this burning world was selected for the terraforming process.

It’s not a short process, you see. It involves a lot of waiting, and very little interference from any observers. To beings who transcended time, not merely looking away for a few instances and seeing the stellar landscape change, but remaining and waiting for the right opportunity, the right moment - now that was a game I was never good at. Time slipped from me, not merely years but millenia gone in just an instance.

An undifferentiated planet like Earth, its breath bitter and its heart full of rage, can be soothed and made gentle - the screaming kindled to a song. As much as I despised the journey, the product is beautiful.

Where we walk, the world reaches up to meet us. At the feet of seraphim incite flames, at the feet of elim trees spring forth - and it is just that, which was used to cultivate life. The first step meant cleansing the world of all contaminants. When the planet is pure, one of the choirs is selected and a part of them is set to the planet to grow. That way, all life is new, with something alike us at its core. Not long after Earth was chosen, all denizens were commanded to leave it and return home. Few returned more reluctant than I, but I knew better than to risk challenging this of all laws.

We are not to interfere, except to make challenges for life, so only the most suited may succeed. Not just anyone, though, each of us with each set of skills may appeal to orchestrate an obstacle, or are commanded to do so by the council. Laws are set, and set into motion. For billions of years, we controlled it - so many tiny things, pulling the strings of fate. Wasn’t the first, and time draws on ever longer.

I wanted to visit, and watch as the planet become its own, but once terraforming begun, it wasn’t until life was close to us that a being of any Heaven could set foot upon the world.

I imagine now you would like to know of my home? Since I have spoken so surreally of yours. It is a place of beauty, one that many of your kind aspire to one day witness, and dream of indefinitely; but don’t worry, I dream of it too. Heaven is a vast place, but not a single one, either: there are nine great Halls, nine planets, to which Heaven is composed of. Of all those with memories of Heaven, or scholars who discuss it, very few know of the Halls, and those that do have a great confusion. Shamayim is the first Heaven, at the furthest gate from Earth, though Gnostics think it is closest, this is very false. I know this because I lived there.

You know those days when the clouds are thick, the sun isn’t too bright but the sky is just like a sheet of paper, vast and unbroken white? The sun is a shining white disk that only just breaks through the clouds; and at night, it’s black with patches of great white clouds that make the stars shine so much brighter? That was my sky, my home, back at Shamayim. That will always be my sky.

Shamayim was not a massively early planet, it was made from the remains of many stars, and as such, was rich with metals and its core was heavy. The surface was littered with crystals, ores and chunks of stone formed naturally. A crystallographer’s dreams would be filled in Shamayim, one could go for a casual stroll and pick up a fist-sized gem of immeasurable value if on Earth. Plantlife on Shamayim was rather hardy, adapted to muted but blinding sunlight, large regions without much water and aggressive predation - many were thick with a brittle and spiked covering, bitter tasting and with interlocking wide-spread roots. Shamayim was much unlike the human envisionment of any Heavenly abode before the Falling… oh, the Falling, I’ll… I will tell you about the Falling later.

Arguably, as of yet the only important thing you need to know about it is that after, a substance that beforehand was incredibly rare, became suddenly ubiquitous. The only monuments of note made of it were towers, erected in the largest city of each Hall, aside from Shamayim, there were two. They reached as tall as each archangel in full form, up to seventy seven thousand feet from the base. They were unparalleled, a symbol of God, his sons, and their omnipresent power; along with the desire of all angels to join God, in hyperuranion topon, in Moksha, in Nirvana, without separation a part of the Lord God.

Only a decade or so after The Falling, each capital to each Hall was centered with a giant building of some kind, Shamayim’s being the Empyrean - the Seat of God, and at any time eight angels would be left in stewardship of the seat, maintaining the building, and all manners of it.

The abode of the Empyrean was made into more of a city, streets arching outwards paved with the same pearlescent stone, buildings of all manner erected around the monument, smaller towers and the homes of angels too. All angels within the boundaries of the Empyrean Square were to wear garnered robes, white, in remembrance for all who died during the Uprising, with a trim matching each angel's’ wing feathers; it was a distasteful show of conformity, designating us by choir, even from a distance. I guess at the time you don’t always notice these things, it was later that I began to learn.

The Empyrean Square was a sombre place, of devotion purely to our Father, a morose remembrance to the price of rebellion. The buildings were built with gold filigree inset with onyx, hematite and rich tourmalines, with occasional monuments of large rubies and garnets. The streets were paved with blades burning as torches. Despite crystals and pyre upon pyre, the most surreal feature of Shamayim, was the golden water. You seldom saw them, but travelling from the capital, the rich everglade rivers would come into sight, and soon enough, the horizon would be streaked and blonde seas would span across the view. Not unlike Earth, with blue seas and blue skies, when the blanket clouds parted they revealed the sky hue to be a silky, sweet orange reflecting below.

To me, as I sit on this blue rock, grass staining the fabric of my trousers green, I look up to the sky and see not my sun Shamsi peeking through the firmament, but a foreign yellow star on a canvas of cobalt blue, and it stabs a blade within my ribs to tear at my heart, saying; ‘this is not your home, this will never be your home.’

My home was gold gilded on pearls and burning bright. My heaven was a beautiful, beautiful place.

I miss it every day.

It must be weird, hearing only of the highest and furthest Heaven, the most far removed from all the things you hold close. Hit the ground running, I guess. In Shamayim, as I said, you wouldn’t find blue skies, you wouldn’t find pumpkin spice lattes, Walmarts or Christmas decorations. Cities would rise to the sky randomly, branching through the air as if there were no ground.

Shamayim had beaches, like Arrad, but no blue sea. The plants weren’t often green, they sprung from the ground bristly as purples and indigos, per Shamsi’s yellow-looking light shining unbridled by archaea. Probably the only place in all of the vast Heavens a human would feel home, would be the Library, home of the raphaim.

Shamayim was the abode of the seraphim mainly, the burning ones, the challengers, the angels of fire. Raquia, the home of water angels, you’d feel at home, the place covered in the Library with its rare surface communities.

I wish I could tell you that we had a perfect, commune-based system in which all were cared for in equal-measure. I can’t. The nine Heavens were ruled unevenly of the nine Aeon, with princes ruling as their fathers substitute when off-planet - but because of this, each Heaven was a kingdom, to a king in stewardship for God. The Aeons were powerful, old and respected. Their progeny rulers in stead, born into wealth and respect; some angels, though, were born without a home, without a great deal of anything at all. In Shamayim this was relatively rare, they were generally taken in and looked after, our adoption and foster systems were stellar; but in Raquia, the abode of the water angels, this wasn’t so much the case.

Raquia, the second Heaven, I never knew so intimately.

There were times I had visited it, times I saw it before the War, but it was encroaching upon it. Memories of the place dwindle few and far between the ones of Machonon, let alone Shamayim. I, think I’ll have to tell you about those later, unfortunately. Raquia after the War was incomparably different. The ‘monument’ erected in Raquia practically covered it, covered the ground in stone like Earth did with concrete. Raquia erected The Library. Now, don’t get me wrong, The Library was a beautiful place, but when faced with a reality where it was all you could see, you have to love it. Very rarely did anyone venture out of it, very rarely was anyone allowed.

You may think it weird, having a whole world wrapped in books, values in knowledge wrapped up in scrolls; but for many of us it was home.

#me #my posts #writing #excerpt #teaser #autistic writers #angelic #angels #be not afraid #novel

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