#the FUNNIEST PART is that HE judges HER for these choices too

[gwandas]

Again, I have no choice but to question Cassian's intelligence because why was he so hell bent on painting Nesta out to be this classist like she hadn't just spent nearly a year in the shittiest bars and the shittiest apartment she could find

[kinnybeets]

I have so many thoughts about Freddy post sb so here’s just random things

Freddy has no concept of rickrolling and actually really liked the song alot (after unknowingly getting rickrolled himself) so anytime he gets to pick the music for the car he plays never gonna give you up at some point and just keeps rickrolling Gregory and Vanessa irl while not even knowing what rickrolling even is (Vanessa has almost wreaked her car multiple times at this point because she never expects it and Gregory thinks it’s the funniest shit in the world)

freddy post sb can kick ass like he couldn't before because of safety mode (and other parts of his programming) that's why he just gets beat up like a loser but Vanessa and Gregory found a way to turn it off so now he can it's just he decides not to by choice because "it is not very polite" but don't think he can't, he can very well wreck someone's shit-efficiency too and will if he really needs to especially with the new body that got made for him 🫶

Oh yeah I’ve said this before gonna say it again Gregory and Vanessa made him a new body and new paint job/makeup. he’s shorter but he’s got a better battery and can move more. He also doesn’t have his ass out 24/7 now, he wanted to go outside with Vanessa and Gregory but he didn’t want to cause unwanted attention so he had to get use to clothes

I also think he’d be kinda social honestly, he’d like interacting with ppl and would actually have friends outside the house but none of them know he’s a robot I think maybe one guy was suspicious and like said something about how he thinks Freddys a robot without Freddy being there but other people immediately shut him down like “how could you say that he’s a robot???” “Don’t judge him cus he’s a furry that’s so mean!” “Why are you so focused on him it feels like your just trying to find anything that could give you an excuse to be mean” and that’s just a continuous thing everyone’s convinced that there’s a polite guy in that “fursuit” and everyone gets pissed when someone tries to even mention the idea of him being a robot (Freddy is completely clueless about this and just assumes they know he’s a robot because that’s the way it has always been for him)

[vidreview]

VIDEO ESSAY ROUNDUP #6 [PART 1]

[originally posted august 1st 2024]

at last, it's time for another roundup! things were fairly dry for a minute there. i tend to go through peaks and valleys vis-a-vis video essay consumption, where i'll watch a bunch of them for a few months and then not be able to watch any for a few months after that. this has been especially true as i've been getting back into the habit of making my own scripted essays. did you know i did one about the Doctor Who 60th Anniversary Specials a few months ago? i share this so you can judge for yourself if i know what i'm talking about enough to be worth taking recommendations from. i am a fallible beast, and our tastes are likely not the same! also i'm proud of that video and i'd like you to watch it.

but we're here to talk about other people's work, and let me tell you, the last month and a half has yielded a real bounty. let's jump in.

"Investigating a forgotten Edward Snowden Quote" by Allie Meowy.

edward snowden was a bit of a mystery to me beyond the headlines. all i knew was that he leaked highly classified documents detailing secret mass-surveillance, and that he liked hentai games.

this is one of the funniest, strangest essays i've encountered in years. what happens when the wikipedia page for games based on movies doesn't include Elf: The Movie: The Game for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance, and also you happen to discover that Edward Snowden is on the record as liking "some" hentai games? i'm not even sure what this essay ultimately adds up to, but i had such a blast watching it that i honestly don't even care. a wild ride that's well worth your time.

"a pocket full of stones" by Glouder Glens.

i've been thinking about an interview with People's Joker director Vera Drew where she talked about how many young queer artists have relegated themselves to the anti-recognition of youtube. if her film was proof that there's room in the film fest circuit for artfully essayish digital cinema, then we have no choice but to campaign for the incredible works of Sylvia Schweikert, AKA Glouder Glens, to reach a similar level of recognition. if you've yet to encounter its work, Sylvia's half-essay half-werewolf-erotica about it/its pronouns is a classic, but everything on her channel is a gem (not to mention its excellent short films). lately, Sylvia's been experimenting with the form in a big way. her last essay, "Self Discovery Stories," is artfully vertical, a true phone video that digs deep and hits hard. "a pocket full of stones" takes a huge step sideways, rendered in 4:3 at a scalding 360p and edited with a post-adobe-flash Lynch-esque animation style that rockets you back in time to the earliest days of internet video in the best way. what i wouldn't give to see this one on the big screen, i'm telling you. this kind of work simply doesn't have a place on youtube as far as youtube's concerned, so it's up to us as champions of the medium to share widely what the algorithm will not. definitely heed the content warnings though.

"The Miraculous Horror of Stop Motion" by Henry Kathman.

here's a cozy, enthusiastic dive into the often unforeseen externalities of stop-motion animation, that doesn't outstay its welcome or get too sanctimonious. i appreciate Kathman's use of alternate backdrops to give each section its own mood. through three unique and interesting examples of stop motion, he explores how the medium itself is an artform that can't be streamlined through technology the way so many other forms of animation have been-- even just to recreate the feel of stop motion digitally, you still pretty much have to hand animate it with an equivalent amount of brute labor. it's a satisfying analysis, which is unsurprising from the ever-consistent and thoughtful Kathman. and the soundtrack by Molly Noise is, as always, fantastic.

"The Religious Gamification of Indika" by Pim's Crypt.

i watched an essay a couple weeks ago about Indika which heavily criticized it for being boring and overly talkative, that really just convinced me that i wanted to see someone look at the game on its own terms. Pim here does a great job doing exactly that, wasting zero seconds of the universe's limited window of coherence on lip service to the harsh critical consensus in favor of simply examining what Indika says on its own terms. they explore how the complexities of faith are successfully gameified in Indika, making a compelling case for its quality. i've highlighted Pim in a previous roundup, and i'm happy to see them back with another solid work.

"So What's Up With Those PS2 Castlevanias?" by Trans Witch Reviews.

this one's pretty much what it says on the tin. when it comes to analyzing game franchises long-running enough to have titles across multiple console generations, i'm always drawn to essays that dig into the red-headed step-children no one ever really talks about. like the PS2 Castlevania games. i didn't even know they existed until now! granted that's probably because i never owned a Sony console before the ps4, but whatever. like a lot of games with 2D roots, Castlevania seemed to struggle finding its feet in the third dimension, and the historical consensus seems to have largely landed on "the 2D ones were best." i think this Trans Witch makes a very compelling case that at the very least Castlevania: Curse of Darkness is an underrated classic-- enough so, anyway, to make me want to give it a shot. i appreciate how she highlights the music of the series by focusing on the work of specific composers, though i think she lingers on those samples for a bit too long. regardless, this is a well put together essay made with readily apparent enthusiasm, and sometimes that's all you need.

"Why The Ring Didn't Use Color Grading" by WatchingtheAerial.

an astonishingly thorough deep-dive into the very specific in-camera techniques used to give Gore Verbinski's American remake of The Ring its signature blue look. like a lot of people i always assumed this was accomplished with digital color grading, though unlike many detractors i adore The Ring's visual identity and think it's at least as worthwhile a film as its Japanese counterpoint. this is the kind of video essay i adore-- a technician with extensive domain knowledge utilizing resources laypeople wouldn't know about to answer a seemingly simple question at exhaustive and surprising depth. the real kicker here though is that the creator also wants to recreate this technique for themself, all the way up to tracking down the kind of film stock The Ring was shot on and using it in a 35mm stills camera. i immediately went from this video to watch everything else on his (?) channel, and i wasn't disappointed. here's someone who cares a lot about the labor of shaping and lensing light, and the emotional properties these processes bring to a film. "Collateral & the Death of Neon" is SUCH a satisfying watch if you care even a little bit about the visual identity of city streets across history. great stuff all around

[kurisus]

Noragami reread: Volume 19 & 20 thoughts

On to the next batch of pain.

But really, ouchies. First we have the resolution of the covenant (or trial by pledge)--and if you weren't around for that month-long wait, it was AWFUL. A month of speculating about Daikoku's odds because how good could his luck be if he belongs to someone with notoriously bad luck? Also a month of speculating about Yukine's fate, and his past, and generally being miserable. It was a TIME.

Anyway, the trial resolves with no one dying on either side, and since the rules weren't super clearly outlined, I'm relying heavily on what the official translation states to draw my conclusion. Basically, Amaterasu says the trial judges the actions of Bishamon, Yato, and Yukine. Assuming respectiveness, I think the order is key. The first trial, for Bishamon, found her in the wrong. This is in line with what everyone else says about her decision to name Nana--it's objectively risky to brand herself a traitor to hunt the crafter, and treasonous to attack a bunch of gods simply for being in the way. Even though her motivations make perfect sense.

Contrast this outcome to Yato and Yukine, both of whom were dragged into this mess and did what they could. So my personal theory is that's why the trial panned out the way it did. I could be totally misinterpreting it! But since we'll likely never get an explanation, that's what I'll go with.

I know there were some complaints that no one did die, but on a reread I kinda disagree. Tsuyu isn't a super plot relevant character, but that's my point. Noragami rarely kills off its characters, and each death has huge ramifications. Tsuyu's permanent death would accomplish...what, exactly? Plus she's a plum spirit, not a proper shinki. She shouldn't die in the same way as them.

Furthermore, Yato says "your shinki are not a set of dice," aka something to be gambled with. In gambling, you don't lose your dice, you lose your money or chips.

Anyway Yukine's reaction to being freed makes me want to blow up. He's suffering from mad PTSD, but still takes the time to let Yato know how grateful he is that he was there. Crying and sobbing.

The Kunimi chapter is a fun time. Except for the part where he talks about death being the end of memories. That was not fun.

The birthday chapter is everything to me but it also makes me want to wither away. I'm forever upset about Bishamon and Kazuma not being there, although Take and Kiun is the funniest possible replacement.

And then we get to chapter 75, which always makes me want to blow up. Adachitoka returned from hiatus and dropped this absolute banger of a chapter on us-- it's all about the ways in which love ruins the dynamics of near and far shore, tied up with Yato finally deciding to go after his dad. Sobbing etc.

In the following volume, we see a flashback of Yato explaining Father's origins to Amaterasu, followed by his vow to defeat him. He's thinking, as he says this, that it's the end for them both, and he will fade away too. In general Yato does a lot of musing on his own mortality in this volume, since just after this he sadly realizes he won't make it till spring. Blowing up once more.

Hiyori also does some musing on her own mortality this volume, after Tenjin talks to her about what Kazuma said. Kazuma wants to be loved in a human way, and it has ruined him. Tenjin again chides Hiyori for being too involved with the gods, and she wonders what would be better--if she forgets Yato whether she lives or dies, it'll be like they never met at all. SO SHE HAS TO REMEMBER HIM, RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING

Still don't entirely remember what trash dad was doing at her house, but fuck him.

Yato naming Kazuma is just really sad on all levels. Neither of them wanted to do it but they're left with no choice, so they nip at each other the whole time. Despite this, Yato empathizes with Kazuma's tragic life, and notes that it's similar to Yukine's. Because they've been two different types of hafuri this whole story, but they have a lot in common too. Is anyone else clawing at the walls?

Discord reactions:

[peonac]

I’m so glad to have a friend who enjoys One Piece! How did you get into it? Do you have a favourite character? One you can’t stand? A favourite arc? Any fic recs?

I WAS FUCKING WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS ASK. NOT EVERYONE KNOWS IT BUT ONE PIECE IS THE SERIES OF MY LIFE. I CAN'T IMAGINE AN EXISTENCE WITHOUT IT!

probably the longest post I have ever made incoming:

I got into it in April 2003 (I was 11 at that time). Watching anime on TV was the only way for me and my brothers, there was no computer and internet around. We were hooked since episode 1 and never missed an episode, we would watch all the re-runs and be hyped about every epic moment and cry our eyes out at every tragedy or happy moment. Laughing our asses off at the jokes (Skypiea and Thriller Bark are imo the funniest!) And since then I'm a huge fan, though there were several years I lost touch. I picked up the series again a few months ago and stopped at the beginning of the Wano arc (due to low energy, yk how it is with taking care of the family etc).

And OMG I have so many faves!!! Nami!!! Her arc inspired me so much I took her name as my nickname. For a lot of rl friends, I'm just Nami, sometimes my teachers were confused and asked me if it's my middle name fklsdhfsjdůlkasd!!! She is so caring! Big sis vibes!

Zoro! He is so cool! Do I need to explain this? (also I find his relationship with women really interesting, the guy is so traumatized! And also he would literally die for you!) Devil Child Nico Robin. She is smart, powerful as hell and MORBID and her sense for cute things is just immaculate. The episode when she got to be part of the Strawhats is still one of my favorites. Maybe I'm mistaken but she is the only one that invited herself and not because Luffy told her so. I... okay, I will stop because otherwise, I will write a whole ass essay about her and why she is THE QUEEN of all queens!

The future king of the pirates Monkey D. Luffy! Period.

Trafalgar [redacted] Law.

*GRABS YOUR CHEEKS*

*PULLS YOU VERY CLOSE, OUR NOSES TOUCH*

You will understand once you watch more.

PERONA. I don't know why but I fell in love with her so hard I want for her to be real so I can propose to her! (but I also ship her with Zoro)

And here is a list of others I like: the whole strawhat crew (Jimbei ofc included), Sir Crocodile, Bartolomeo the Cannibal (I couldn't get enough of him, he is so silly), Donquixote Rosinante, Smoker, Tashigi (I ship her with Zoro too, wtf is with me to ship Zoro with so many characters!), Bon (Mr. 2), Boa Hancock, Bepo. I'm sure there are more, but I will stop here haha. I hate Donquixote Doflamingo, the Cipher Pol agents, Big Mom (she...I... she is a monster, like...wow), Buggy the Clown (imo the most pathetic anime guy in history, but the comedy around him is good), most of the Marines (what a bunch of assholes, really, it's a mirror to our world) and ugh, I'm sure there are more, but I can't remember XD! Fave arcs: Arlong Park, Loguetown, Alabasta Saga, Sky Island Saga, Enies Lobby, Thriller Bark, Summit War Saga And here begins the controversy, ofc I'm not including the Wano arc because I haven't seen it whole yet...But I'm not able to enjoy the after-time-skip arcs. Great animation moments, the story is amazing too, but the pacing is just so bad. So many fillers within the episodes too, Dressrosa was a torture to watch. So if I just judge it by story everything is great! Maybe reading the manga would be the better choice. But I didn't want to miss the great animation.

I haven't read any fics yet but I have a few in my marked for later list:

What I enjoy the most are artists that create nice little stories and AUs! I'm going to make a separate post and tag you, the list is too long!

[dolphs-world]

August 26th, the Pikmin 4

Anyways, the actual movie itself. Main criticisms was that it was too on the nose and too expository. Again, is this for kids or adults? Because this made it feel dumb. There should not have been a narrator, I honestly think that the 2001: A Space Odyssey scene would have been so much cooler without the narration, people making their own interpretation. You know, like 2001: A Space Odyssey?! The worst scene in the movie was when Barbie said she didn't feel pretty and then Helen Mirren as the Narrator butted in to say criticise the filmmaker's choice to have Margot Robbie make this point. I hated this for so many reasons. 1, nice lampshading idiot. I was kind of invested in the scene when you had to break my immersion. 2, Helen Mirren is also very beautiful. When women support women, women win. 3, it also just undercut the moment. Even beautiful women don't feel beautiful all the time and it was nice that someone brought it up without being judged, IN THE WORLD OF THE FILM. 4, this got the biggest laugh out of the second audience I saw. That audience was packed but even in the first theatre I saw it in 2/6 people laughed. I really wish the film was more funny. I did find it pretty funny and I didn't think it had the issue of quippy dialogue undercutting the emotion, but all the lines I was smiling at weren't the ones the audience were. I wouldn't consider myself a cinephile, I'm probably on the same level as Doug Walker, but being in a theatre made me realise what like the average person's sense of humour was. Barbie crying about being called a fascist was the funniest line and I wish I hadn't been spoilt on it. Would have had the same reaction as I did when the asshole waiter in Dirty Dancing tells Baby to read The Fountainhead. The second best thing I can say about the movie was the attitude. Even if I think it was messy, we need more movies like this. We need more movies that are serious in their sillyness. The best thing I can say is the acting. I was surprised how much I liked the mum, she was great and also pretty funny. I like that she just has a husband. Although her idea at the end does suck, what if instead of sonic you played as a man who wears blue pants and has to collect rings to pay taxes. Also liked seeing Rhea Perlman. Tax evasion jokes would have been funnier if they weren't played out. Will Ferrell was also really funny. He does have Jewish friends. But Ryan Gosling stole the show. I'm sorry Margot Robbie but I think she's done better acting in every other movie I've seen her in. I do think that Ryan Gosling should win best actor. And now I think he's one of the best actors. Search up "best acting comps" on the internet and you'll find a lot of men screaming. Whilst dramatic acting is great, I prefer comedy. So when someone can perfect both, such as Bryan Cranston in Malcolm in the Middle and Breaking Bad, that's perfection. And Ryan Gosling is now perfection. The Ken song was the best part of the movie. I have more to say on the ideology of the film but I'll save that for later, along with A.I.

But in terms of my actual week, it's been fine. That girl I was talking about at work, I think we're friends now. She's in one of my classes at school and I'm going to play Board Games with her after exams. I also bumped into another coworker at school who I only worked with twice, I think, but he was really cool. Oh, my mum has decided that we're going to stay here. That didn't resolve all our problems though. She's been worried about me a lot, that I'm becoming more detached, more suppressed, unhappy with school, even less likely to stand up for myself. Surprisingly me writing about how annoying it is being surrounded by people complaining about their lives and critiquing mine didn't cause me to have a revelation, talking about it with my mum did. Started crying after I realised that I don't really like talking with my friends. After secondary school I just started losing more and more, they just responding to my messages, and now I'm realising that there's only a few who I can really talk to. Only some that are more than just laughing, something deeper, something real. Kind of like the Barbie Movie! But I have a great life. School is easy, I just don't like it. This is the most stressful it's going to be and I just gotta write a couple of essays. I hope Psych will be more interesting next year. I love my work. Everyone in my personal life seems to enjoy my stories, except those who hate children, maybe I'll share some anecdotes. I do like my friends. It's just tough. I don't know. I don't like complaining. Really, the only thing I dislike is my familial tensions. But I don't want to talk about that. I just want to write about movies.

[evita-shelby]

Mandy the Cat

For @dancerlittle006

Taglist: @joossieisdabomb @johnathancanines @peakyblindas @whitejuliana1204 @kissmyquill @zablife

Gif by @pcllygray

For Charlie’s fifth birthday, Tommy takes initiative and takes him to a local pet shelter to pick a puppy of his own choice.

While Cyril was greatly cherished by the boy, he wasn’t the dog he wanted. Picking out a puppy that his father would let him adopt with absolutely no judgment would be a great way to fix the disaster of 1926 ---when they realized Tommy had stolen a dog from a not-dead Alfie Solomons.

Eva’s reasoning, Cyril was the family dog, this new pet would be Charles’ personal pet dog and a way for Tom to make it up to him for last year.

Gabe sleeps soundly swaddled tightly to her chest. He’s a month old and Eva wouldn’t trust anyone with him who is not blood.

Dia at almost two still likes Polly best out of anyone and because Pol wants to keep Aberama at bay, Eva has allowed her husband’s aunt to take her for the day.

Tommy’s campaign had focused on him being the family man, working class self made millionaire who was still very down to earth and as such needed to be seen getting his kid the dog he promised him.

Eva felt terribly for using Tommy’s political career against him, but he had brought it upon himself when he did not remove the fucking collar off Cyril when he stopped to put a bow on him.

The telephone rings and Eva doesn’t need Frances to tell her who it is. “Mr. Shelby is on the line, said it was urgent.”

Eva thanks the housekeeper and takes the call, speaking softly so as not to wake up Gabe. “Did he kick the reporter who took a photograph of him in the balls again?”

Her sweet boy panicked and often reacted badly ---and occasionally violence--- to people taking photographs of him when he didn’t consent.

It was adorable, it was funny and a lot of people agreed that Tommy Shelby had done a great job at teaching his young son how to defend himself.

That had been taught to Charlie by Linda, something Eva, Linda, Arthur and Polly felt Linda deserved all the credit for.

“No. The reporter made sure to ask Charlie if he wanted his photo taken and he said yes. Unfortunately, the boy chose a cat.” Tommy is trying his best not to laugh.

If he doesn’t come home with a dog of his choosing, I’m kicking you out of the bedroom again, Eva had playfully threatened this morning.

“No, he didn’t.” Eva was tough to surprise, but when it happened it was rarely a good thing. She likes cats, had a beautiful Siamese cat imported from China growing up.

It was just, Charlie had made no mention of wanting a cat at all.

“That’s not even the funniest part.” Tommy said preparing her for whatever it is. "Try to laugh too loudly, he might hear you."

“I promise I won’t laugh, Gabe just fell asleep.” Somehow Eva knows she will break that promise.

“Amanda has a full goatee.” It was rare to hear her husband laugh. She loved hearing it and she had missed it so much thus past year. “Fucking cat has better facial hair than most men I know.”

“Amanda? He named her after his teacher?” Eva asked. She shouldn’t judge, she had a chicken named Majo after cousin Maria Jose.

“Yes, and told the man from the Birmingham Daily so.” There is a pause, she can see him in her minds eye, running a hand through his face. “Mandy Russell already hates us for what Ada did to her in school.”

Oh, Ada, why did you have to steal Amanda Russell’s boyfriend and ruin her hair in secondary school?

“I’m sure it will be fine, Tom. We’ll laugh about this awful coincidence when you two come home.” She said feeling the baby stir. He was a light sleeper; any sound was enough to wake him up. It was a miracle he hadn’t woken up when Tommy called.

“Fine.” He said before adding,” I love you.”

Tommy Shelby, despite all his faults and the image he projected, was a loving man who had just discovered he liked to say I love you at the end of a phone call to his wife.

“Love you too, now hang up before he finds another cat to name after Eden.”

[deluluass]

Red, like blood. Blue, like love.

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; bullying; soulmates au

Prompt: 88 & 183

There’s someone for everyone, you’d learned growing up.

 "Remember, blue means happy," your mother would say. "The happiest you'll ever be.”

She liked reminding you about this fact— for it is an indisputable truth, every so often when she could still carry you. You’d be hugged from the back, as she recounted stories of first meetings, serendipitous and life changing in their nature; belonging to those who’ve lived long before you, sometimes even those who’ve only lived in tales.

Mostly, your mother loved telling those involving the people she knew. And if you’ve behaved properly, she would tell you about hers. 

Tracing your palm, starting from the forked lines to the dashed ones on your fingers, she’d say, “These would start to glow like stars.”

“That’s weird!” you’d burst out, shrieking a laughter as she tickled you. 

“Listen carefully,” she chastised. “Blue is for your soulmate, okay?”

And you’d repeat: Blue is for my soulmate.

“Then, mama,” you tugged at her sleeves, “What if it’s really, really bright red! Like! Bloody glow sticks! Say, mama, you see, everyone at the park was talking about the man who died because he touched someone and his hand became bright re— ”

You never brought that up again. What your mother said about it had been enough to never make you forget.

“Tell me if you get red,” she said firmly, clutching your arms as if she feared someone would snatch you away from her. “Red is bad, my heart. Red means run.”

 It hadn’t nearly been as gruesome as your mother made it out to be. 

Case in point, when you turned twelve the couple three houses down your street found out, shortly after their honeymoon, that their palms gleamed a fierce red once they clasped each other’s hands in front of the neighborhood aunties.  

Their marriage ended with a swift and ordinary divorce, a year or so later.

Red: Not just an ominous warning for homicide, then. That was a relief, you’d thought.

Contrary to how your mother framed it, you were thankful, actually. It helped some of your friends escape from potentially hellish relationships. How lucky is it that you lived in a reality where the universe seemed exceedingly benevolent. Though, you sometimes have to question if that generosity extended to everyone.

Fat lot of good it did for you. 

Because, from where you’re standing, it doesn’t have to take some arbitrary and unsolvable scientific mystery to heed that Oikawa Tooru must be avoided like the plague.

Any person in your shoes would be conditioned to do exactly that. 

You’d first met in Elementary. You thought he was the prettiest kid you’d ever seen, with chestnut curls and doe eyes and lashes that swept past his cheeks, and when you’d asked for a hand shake he’d called you “the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen” and “fart face.” 

Recess and lunch were when he’s most fearsome. Spiky burdocks slapped on the collar of your dress; dead lizards in your food; the boy was determined. The worst part was that it always happened when no one was looking. And if someone were, it was his best friend. So when you finally told on him to your mom, both your teacher and the principal simply judged Oikawa as the victim of an attention deprived child.

“Please discipline your daughter,” they told her. “We are all aware of your situation at home, but do ensure that she’s not getting out of control.”

You couldn’t even muster up the strength to defend yourself. In that moment all you could do was swear that you’d never allow anyone to talk to your mother in that way again. 

You moved out of that school. 

You didn’t wait for your palms to flash a warning signal because, somehow, you knew that boys who discover early that they could get away with anything cannot get any better. 

There’d been no way to be sure of that until Aoba Johsai— after a peaceful interim of no Oikawa; no red palm lines (and no blue ones, either).

The proof hit you in the face. Literally. 

“Oi, Shittykawa!”

Heat permeated from your nostrils as you patted your cheek, detached and staring back at the large gymnasium. 

“You hit someone!”

How unlucky did a person have to be to bleed right on the first day of classes? 

You tried to lean forward. “It’s okay,” you slurred nasally, pinching your nose and averting your embarrassed gaze from the boy kneeling next to you.

“Trashykawa! You better hurry and apologize!”

“Don’t be mad, Iwa-chan,” that disgustingly saccharine voice came from behind you, making you flinch, as if the years you’d spent apart had done nothing to purge it out of your system.

In all honesty, you hadn’t really cared for whoever was responsible for the ball that careened all the way to where you were standing, so sure that it had to be an accident. No one in their right mind would want to injure someone they barely knew, especially if said someone is a couple of feet away from you. 

Morally and athletically, it should’ve been improbable. But then you saw who did it and everything made perfect sense.

Iwa-chan. The boy beside you. Iwaizumi Hajime.

If he’s here, then— 

“You,” he whispered. 

“Eh?! Gosh, I’m so sorry!” Oikawa Tooru gasped. “You’re bleeding.”

Time is cruel. It wears down on you, tears you and molds you into something you can’t even recognize, if it decides to. (Fate, more so). You didn’t know if you wanted to cry or laugh, looking at him. If the universe were so benevolent, then perhaps Oikawa Tooru had received all of its favor.

He was beautiful. You’d known this before, but with all the baby fat replaced with sharp yet slender angles, figure lean and imposing even when he’d lowered himself to meet your eyes, Oikawa didn’t seem real.

“I did hit someone, didn’t I?” he pouted, wiping the dried blood atop your lip. “And such a pretty girl, too.”

That volleyball existed should’ve made life better for you. It didn’t. If anything, it seemed that out of the court, when he’s not taking names and being praised like a god, you were his little pastime. Something fun to take his mind off whatever it is he thinks about it. 

The mocking comments, you could handle; every time you’d recite and he’ll interject with something playful and then the entire class would laugh (because he’s Oikawa) and your professor would reprimand him but you could always tell that they, too, are holding in a giggle. 

Those were easy to bear, because although his insults hit way too close to home, it’s just— it’s just so petty.

Really, it’s the aftermath that does the damage.

“They’re like Christmas lights under your skin!” 

This topic pops up every month or so. Most people your age can be lucky enough to meet their soulmate this early. 

“And it’s the most awesome feeling in the world,” your classmate sighed. “When we touched hands? Man. We just- we glowed.”

Then, the others would poke fun, faking a gagged expression, but they’d always ask afterwards, “What happened next?” And everytime, you’d watch from the sidelines. Like an uninvited audience. 

You tried being a part of it once, wanting to share about the time your close friend met her soulmate. But all you’d gotten were side eyes and titters, as if they were laughing about a joke only you didn’t know about. 

“They’re so mean to you.” 

You groaned.

Oikawa was seated behind you, resting his head against his elbow. Everyone was too busy talking about blue lights and destined souls to notice what’s happening at the back of the room. 

He continued, “Not including you in conversations, treating you like an outsider.”

You didn’t bite, focusing on the opened book in front of you.

“Must be lonely, having no one.”

“Oikawa,” you muttered under your breath. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

The silence that came after that was unexpected. You were sure it would be short lived; he’s just gearing up for more. He usually went at it until you’d have no choice but to physically remove yourself from his presence. You’d thought once that that may be why he does this so much. Maybe he still thought you were the “ugliest girl” he’s ever met and he wants you out of his sight. Because Oikawa’s infantile like that.

But the silence stayed, accompanied by the background noise of eager conversations; lingering some more as white, fluffy clouds passed by the glass windows. 

When he broke it, all Oikawa said was, “Soulmates, huh.”

You felt a finger touch your back, drawing the barest of lines over your uniform. He removed them just before you could stand up and leave. 

You disliked those moments with him. 

You disliked him especially when he played. 

Oikawa’s a monster, be it in volleyball or with you. There are times, though, that you’d notice some things that you think you’re not meant to see. Like after a serve— its impact booming throughout the court, he’d have this puzzling expression on his face. 

It looked like....anger. 

He scored a point, right? Everyone’s cheering for him, aren’t they? Wait, didn’t they win?

You thought maybe it’s the adrenaline making him nastier than usual, but sometimes you’d pass by the gym when he happens to be alone. And that anger is still there, punctuated by the sound of the ball exploding against the floor. Jump. Hit. Spike. Jump. Hit. Spike. He’d do it, again and again and again. 

As if he’s trying to grasp something even he cannot reach. 

Those instances should’ve taught you that the best thing to do is look away. 

That’s what you should’ve done. Look away.

They lost the Interhigh tournament.

You knew this not because you’d watched, but because for one day, Oikawa Tooru wasn’t your bully. 

The derision was replaced by sulking. He didn’t speak for the entire period. The funniest thing about it was that everyone kept staring at you. Like somehow you’d been the cause of this, when all of them were lamenting the loss just as much as the team itself. 

 What was supposed to be a reason for celebration suddenly became a crime that you had to explain for.

 “Great,” you grumbled to yourself. “One time I don’t have a target on my back, now I’m the bad guy.”

Trash bag in hand, the scraps inside rattled against each other as you stomped to the recycling bin, both sleeves of your P.E jacket folded up to the elbows. You affected a tone, choosing to mock the grating way some of classmates talked:

“Oh, hey, if it’s not too much,” you began. “Can you please be his punching bag again? If you will, can you relieve our superstar’s burdens? By, I don’t know, alluring him into walking all over you? Like the good old days! Please, oh please? We rely on you, oh Great Punching Bag! We Beseech thee, oh Esteemed Doormat! We compel— dude, what the fuck?!”

Crumpled papers and steel and tin cans rolled to the ground. You didn’t pick them up, like you should’ve; you left it there, trash bag lying open, and grabbed the ball that whisked mere inches from your face. 

This time you’re not making the same mistake. The asshole is more than capable of suspending what little morals he has, just to hurt someone he barely knew. As well as athletically adept (an understatement, that) at hitting a walking target; or not hitting it, in this case.  

You stormed the almost empty gym. Oikawa is a ray of sunshine, greeting you with that smile. It makes you want to punch him.

“What is wrong with you?” you spat. 

He chuckled. “Whoops. Sorry!” 

“I’m not having this-” you shoved the ball to his stomach. He didn’t even blink. “This isn’t gonna slide anymore, Oikawa.”

Wide grin still in place, he took it from your hands with his much larger ones and said, “Wow, you’re actually mad this time. ”  

Then, he added, “I didn’t mean it! Honest!” 

Must be nice, you thought with a scowl, to be him. Anyone can be sincere if they look anything like Oikawa. 

“Sure. Fine. No, actually,” you glowered. “You know what?” 

“Hm?” He tilted his head. Oikawa tilted his pretty little head.

You seethed. “I get it. You lost. That doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me. I mean, what did I ever do to you, Oikawa? I have-” you exhaled, surprised by the break in your voice. 

“I haven’t done anything to you. We stopped being kids a long time ago. That shit you pull should’ve ended by now. We’ve grown.” You jabbed his chest. “But I see that maybe not all of us have.”

His pleased expression hadn’t dropped. “Ouch,” Oikawa grimaced, glancing amusedly at the place you’d touched. “How mean.”

This isn’t going anywhere. 

You don’t know why it took you this long to realize this, as you shifted your gaze away from him, noticing the gashes on the floor that tear the surface like scars that never healed. That must’ve been because of him, with the amount of practice he does. 

“It won’t be enough, won’t it, Oikawa?” you whispered. “Not for you.”

The smile that’s been there since you arrived tensed, straining at the corners of his lips. 

“Yeah, I’ve been told,” he beamed. 

He was bathing in his own sweat, seeping through his shirt and matting his hair to his face, and he looks— Oikawa looked tired. His eyes were sunken in, too. Did he even sleep?

You’re so used to seeing him not a hair out of place, with a sweet scent that you amusedly thought lures his gaggle of admirers into following him everywhere. It takes you aback, honestly. Particularly the wobble in his step as he bent and squeezed his knee with shaky fingers.

You don’t think he’s aware he’s doing it in front of you.

Then, just like that, everything seemed to have added up.  

“You’ll never be happy,” you said.

You should’ve stopped there. You should’ve left. Instead, you looked him in those brown eyes, the warm hue becoming a lot colder as he moved closer. 

Oikawa sneered. “And what do you know, huh?” 

(Go. Leave.)

“Nothing,” you told him. “I don’t- I don’t know. Because, I don’t get it.”

(Shut up. Shut up.)

“Why you try any harder, I don’t know. Win or lose, it’s all the same. You’re still the same. You’re still awful and annoying and- and still you.” You laughed, unsure why you’re running your mouth like this. 

“Win or lose. Oikawa is still Oikawa,” you breathed in. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

His teammates must’ve gone somewhere. For lunch, maybe, you thought as you eyed the abandoned bottles and used towels scattered around the court. “Besides,” you huffed, not without a twinge of envy. “They’ll all still love you, either way.” 

Everything went still for a while, and you’d just realized what you’d just said.

“What about you?” 

You looked back at him.

“What?”

He tipped his chin. You stepped backwards. 

He brushed your wrist.

“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, but he only smiled and wrapped his entire hand around it. 

Oikawa had been your first bully. Before you could even comprehend what that meant, Oikawa had been the source of your mother’s worries whenever she parted with you at the school gates. It is funny, thinking about it, for letting this boy affect you despite making an effort to stay away the first time. 

But it is only now— now that he has a firm hold on you, gentle yet smothering— that you truly feared Oikawa Tooru. 

It rattled your breath, squeezing your heart and refusing air to pass through your lungs, as you felt a shock zap through you. And apparently through him as well.

You broke away from each out with a cry.

Your hand was burning. That’s the only explanation for it. Your hand was burning and any moment now smoke will diffuse from the pores. 

You waited. Any moment now. But the more you stared at it the more tiny spots of flames sparked under your skin, bursting along the palm lines— first, the forked ones; then, the dashed lines— glaring back at you, glowing brighter, blotting and spreading until they mapped your palms then your entire hands like constellations. 

“Red is bad, my heart,” your mother said. “Red means run.”

“I knew it,” you scoffed, shaking your head. 

Well, it’s not as if this is news to you. 

“What about that, Oikawa?” You put both your radiating hands in the air. “The universe is telling us, you and I? We just don’t—”

Why are you crying?

Why is Oikawa crying? 

“I knew it,” he croaked.

Your mother made the red light sound so horrifying for a reason. 

There has to be a reason, too, why the universe is warning you so late into your life. You’d actually ran before. And when you thought it a waste of money, you chose to stay and not fight back; thinking that his punches have become less severe, degraded into verbal taunts that induce social exclusion at most; that, certainly, red doesn’t forbode something as bad as murder, right?

Well, what now? You were wrong, after all. This time you have a feeling that you actually need to hide. 

Because Oikawa’s looking at you like you’re the last two people left in this Earth. 

Just you and him. Without any need for anybody else. 

You didn’t breathe, attempting to bolt despite the overwhelming need to throw up right where you're standing. He stepped closer, faster than you’d liked, and touched your face, caressing your cheek up to your aching temple.

“You should really stop trying to run away,” he said, voice low as if he’s sharing a secret. “I’ll always find you, you know?”

You didn’t have to look to know. Even if you closed your eyes, as well, you know it’s still going to be there; glowing in the darkness behind your eyelids.

“Me and you—” Oikawa sighed. 

Listen carefully, your mother said.

“ —we have a connection that no one else will ever understand,” he said.

The light emitting from his hand was so harsh it hurt you, pricking your sight until it drew fat tears, reflecting against your damp face and tinting the fallen streaks with bright—

Blue means happy, she told you. The happiest you’ll ever be.

And you’d repeat: Blue. Blue is for—

“My soulmate," Oikawa said, before locking you in a deep, searing kiss. 

The lights didn't die even as he dragged you into the storage room.  

"Hey, where'd senpai go?" 

The rest of the volleyball team came in droves, occupying the hollow court with their squeaking shoes and questions about Oikawa's whereabouts.

"Must've gone somewhere," you heard a deep voice say. 

You could answer that question. All you  had to do was scream. They weren't so far from the room that they wouldn't pick it up over the noise of their volleyball practice. Really, if you needed to, you could even outshout their guttural yells of "Nice kill!"

Though, you'd have to remove the underwear lodged in your mouth first. 

Yours, in fact; soaked now by your own saliva, drool dripping to your chin as your wrists chafed against the rope that's keeping them tied at your back.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" You felt every sickening movement of Oikawa's lips against your throat. "Feels good when you- ah, fuck- when you give in."

With the cloth muting your shrill bawling, you tried your best to recall how you ended up here: seated on his lap as he sluggishly humped himself against you, his still glowing hands cupping your ass.  

The only thing left on your body was your bra, and even that he's already lowered to let your tits spill over the top. Your pants and t-shirt and jacket are lying around somewhere. You couldn't determine where in particular; the only sources of light were behind you.  

He was leaving imprints of blue all over your skin; around your waist as he slithered his hands to reach your breasts, scantily brushing over the hardened nipples and making you keel over.

"So sensitive," he tutted, smooching your neck so gently that even the underwear couldn't muffle your loud yelp when he suddenly bit into the flesh. Hard. 

You wanted to claw his eyes out and call for help and you wanted badly to scream don't do that Oikawa someone please save me he's gonna kill me he's gonna kill me-

But the gag remained intact and the boys outside continued their game, ignorant that their precious captain is taking everything away from you. 

Sharp canines bruised your skin, provoking a fresh batch of tears as he sucked and licked every after cruel bite. 

Then, when you thought the worst had passed, he removed his mouth from your neck to spit onto your bare cunt, allowing it to slide from the hair on your mound to the nub sticking out in the middle.

(It is not enough that he is killing you. Oikawa must defile you, too.)

His fingers gripped the insides of your thighs open when you tried to shut them together. "Don't be a brat," he clicked his tongue.

"Be a nice little kitten for me," Oikawa drawled, smearing the slick that's soaking your folds against the spittle coating your clit.

You didn't notice when he'd taken his cock out, you only realize that he's about to enter you when he teased your entrance with it, pushing the tip to nudge the drenched hole, only to pull it back again.

And you didn't dare look. The feel of it almost stretching you out with just the head is already driving you to insipid begging.

"What'd you say, kitten?" he pouted.

Oikawa you've already taken too much is it never going to be enough Oikawa let me go.

"I can't understand you," he chuckled. "Here—"

He pulled the underwear out of your mouth as he thrust all the way inside, your back arching, driving him deeper, as his cock throbbed against your pussy walls.

"Now, what were you saying?"

You swallowed your cries and heaved and swore you were gonna tear his heart out after this. 

"Say," he whispered, sniffing your wet panties without breaking his gaze. "If everyone saw us right now, how'd you think they'd react?"

It was so reverent, the way he did it, blue light revealing that he closed his eyes as he took a whiff, as if he hung onto your scent like a lifeline.

But you thought that'd been a calculated move, because as you dumbly stared at him, he immediately gyrated his hips under you, rocking back and forth ever so slowly, and you remembered that you had to keep quiet.

His cock was so big inside you, making you bite your lip as it filled you up, the curved tip hitting a spot that has you squirming in his embrace.

"At this point they'll know how much of a whore you are," he said, tangling his muscled arms around yours and anchoring you to his body. "Made just for me."

"Oika-Oikawa…"

You don't know this person. 

"Help..me.."

You don't know who's speaking out and whimpering for Oikawa, on her knees and bouncing up and down on his lap with weak, quivering thighs. 

It couldn't be you.

"Help you?" You felt him nuzzle your neck. "I thought you wanted me to stay away, though?"

Someone mewled out a pathetic, "N-no."

"No? Then what d'you want, kitten?"

(Oh. Oh, he feels so fucking good.)

Your belly has never felt this hot before and it's driving you crazy that you're chasing for something you cannot see and it feels so near but there's something, something that's keeping you from it that all you can do is grind your sopping cunt closer to him.

"Wanna- I wanna cum."

Oikawa kissed you on the forehead, and then he said, "Go ahead, then."

He released your arms. 

Then, he's scooping cum off your pussy, making sure to drag his fingers under the lips, before circling your large, swelling clit. Then, he's sucking your tits and swirling his tongue around a nipple and you're so so close.

"That's it," Oikawa sighed. "Ride my cock, baby."

His rough palm slapped both your ass cheeks and the cry that erupted from you only made him laugh. 

"Make yourself cum on my cock," he grunted, licking his smiling lips as he leaned back against the wall, hand idly rubbing your dripping clit. "You're making a mess, darling. Leaking like that."

You're quivering all over; your cunt is spasming and your legs are complaining beneath you, but you don't stop. You lift your hips and then sink your pussy down, down until you feel his balls touching your sore ass, the sloshing sound growing louder as you move faster. 

You don't think about what this'll all mean later, what you're doing giving in to him, when you scream out his name. But as soon as you did, Oikawa's growl had been your only warning.

He grabbed the back of your head and kissed you, plunging his tongue into your throat, his strong arms pressing you so close to him you can no longer tell his skin from yours, his battering heartbeat from yours. 

You didn't move—weren't allowed to, when he hammered his cock into you, pounding your cunt and fucking you raw until you're breathless and nothing but a shuddering wreck, splitting at the seams in his hands as you feel thick spurts of hot cum slide out of you. 

"My pretty girl," came his hoarse whisper. "My pretty, pretty girl."

The lights have dimmed, when he cradled your shaking form and moved out of you, faint traces left on just the palm lines and fingertips. 

They were flooded by the sudden brightness that enveloped the storage room.

"Holy shit."

You pressed your eyes close, your entire body prickling at Oikawa’s touch.

It shouldn't be surprising, at this point, that Oikawa, as quick as he'd stripped you off of everything, has already covered you back in your jacket. The smell of it striking you ruthlessly, that old cologne that you always use to school reminding you of who you were, before all this.

Had it only been a few hours? It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Ah," Oikawa murmured. "They caught us."

"Oikawa,” someone roared. Oikawa held you, hiding your face against his chest. “Why you son of a-"

"C-coach..! Stop- Oi, someone help me hold him- no, coach! "

You heard him chuckle. “Sorry about this, everyone.” He held up his hand and you had to keep yourself from sobbing. “But, look.”

There were several gasps. 

(Everybody knows now.)

“You..and her?” 

The boy who said that sounded so astonished, clearly overjoyed for some reason, that it revolted you.

“Mhm,” he nodded, a smile in his voice. “Now, can you guys please give us some privacy?” 

Feet shuffled out of the room, along with stuttered apologies. They all left. 

Except for one.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouted.

“What did you do, Oikawa?”

A beat. Then, he repeated, “Iwa-chan.”

Please. 

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. 

Please help me.

“Sure,” he grunted.

He was gone, too, after that.

You were back in the darkness, with nothing but the faltering red and blue on your hands and his, while he untied your wrists and kneaded the abrasion away, cooing sweet nothings to your ear. 

“I hate you,” you rasped. 

“Don’t say that.”

“I fucking hate you-”

“Please stop yelling-”

“I won’t ever forgive you, Oikawa!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he cried, shaking his head as he brushed your tear-stained cheeks with both thumbs. You clutched them, wanting him off you, but he only latched himself firmly into you. “We’re meant to be.”

“You’re the only one for me.” 

Oikawa brought your numb hand to his face, pressing a kiss to your palm, the red light basking him in its soft glow.

“And I’m the only one for you,” he said, intertwining your fingers together. 

The lights flickered in and out, at first, as you stared vacantly into it, the red and blue swallowing each other. Until they finally disappeared, leaving just you and him, curled against each other in the shadows. 

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

A Bad Feeling Pt 1

Levi x Reader

Part 1

Paring: Levi Ackerman x Cadet reader

Warnings: 18+ attempted rape/assault, cursing, mention of injury, violence

Summary: Reader feels uncomfortable around a overly friendly captain. Are they just over reacting? Or is there something else going on. What will Levi do when he finds out?

***************************************************

A.n. ok so I literally wrote this in one go, it's probably trash but I wanted to post it anyway. Please lemme know what you think in the comments! Thank you!

"Y/n! captain Oro is asking for you" you did your best to hide the discomfort Armins words made you feel.

You smiled what you hoped was a convincing one and nodded. With a deep breath you made your way to Captains Oro's office.

Ever since you had been introduced to him those few weeks ago, he had taken a special liking to you. At first you had been excited, having such a highly skilled and well known captain take notice of you was one of the best feelings. Especially since your squad leader, Levi wasn't exactly heavy on praise.

Everyone loved Captain Oro, he was known for his strength and stamina on the battle field. He was both charismatic, and charming. Your fellow cadets practically swooned over him. You couldn't help but also get caught up in his perfection. At first that is..

Over time you noticed things about your meetings that put you on edge. An unnecessary shoulder touch here, a too low pat on the back there. Something was off. And although you had done your best to distance yourself from him, it was hard when your squads often had to work together.

But it was hard to say anything against him because even your cold blooded captain seemed to enjoy his presence.

Once you brought it up to your friend Sasha, about how you felt he was being too friendly. But she waved her hand and basically said you were worrying for nothing, he was just a friendly guy. And you were being dramatic.

Maybe you were overreacting? If captain levi approved of him, surely that meant he was a decent person right? Maybe he was just being really really friendly.

You decided to give him a chance and knocked on his door when you finally arrived.

"Come in" a muffled voice came from the other side.

With a click you entered the candlelit room. It was nearing sundown after all.

"Ah cadet y/n! Perfect, I was wondering if I might ask your opinion on something?" He smiled angelically and gestured towards a parchment on his desk.

"Of course sir" you nodded and approached him, reminding yourself of what sasha said. Just relax.

From the way the parchment was positioned you had no choice but to come to his side of the desk.

"Do you see this area here?" He gestured to what you now saw was a map. "What do you think of leading a squad through here instead of what we originally planned?"

The next 30 minutes you spent completely and professionally discussing strategies. Being the member of your squad that was best at this, made him asking for you completely justified. You felt bad for ever doubting his intentions.

"Thank you y/n, I think I have a better idea of what course we should pursue on our next expedition" he smiled sincerely.

"I'm glad I could be of service" you nodded and allowed a relaxed smile to pass your features. Feeling stupid you had judged him so harshly.

" If you wouldnt mind just one more thing?" You nodded as he pulled out a stack of papers.

"If you could look over this report of the last mission before I send it out? See if theres anything else to add?"

"Sure, I'd be happy to Captain" you grabbed the stack.

"And please if you can, return them to me tonight, I'll need them for the meeting bright and early"

"Yes sir, I'll finish it asap, good evening" and with that you exused yourself.

Tonight? It was already sundown. Well whatever, hes so busy he probably doesn't know what time of day it is.

You found a quiet spot amonsgt the crowds in the common room and got to work.

************************************

"Oi brat, it's passed curfew, go to your room now, we have important work tommorow" the unmistakable voice of your captain rang through the now empty hall.

You looked up in surprise and meet his usual scowl, not even realizing how late it had gotten.

"Hai, s-sorry captain, I'll go now" you gathered the report and quickly left, not wanting to receive another scolding for taking too long.

Oh crap you still had to deliever the report. Changing routes you snuck quietly down the familiar hallways. Not particularly feeling like running into Levi again. Something about him always made you act just a little dumber and it was definitely not because of your non existent crush on him...definitely not.. he was just intimidating is all.

*knock knock*

You waited patiently but there was no answer. Crap did he already go to bed? But he knew I was coming? Ugh what should I do? He needs these reports..

With a sigh you change direction again and head for his personal chambers. There was no way you were getting in trouble for not delivering these reports on time.

You smiled when you saw dim light flood from beneath the door.

Lightly you knocked, "Captain Oro, its y/n, sorry it's so late but I have the rep-" you were cut off abruptly when the door swung open and there stood Oro.

Except he looked nothing like the Oro you were used too seeing. His hair was loose from it's normal slicked back do, and the edges were dripping slightly. His shirt was loosely thrown on revealing a decent amount of skin. He must've just bathed.. you could see why the girls were so obsessed with him. He was, platonically speaking, a very gorgeous man.

You were taken aback but reminded yourself that you did knock after hours so of course he wasnt going to be all soldiered up.

"U-um s-sorry Captain, I have the reports" you averted your eyes and shoved the reports in his direction.

"Ah y/n, thank you, would you please put them on my table? My hands are still slightly wet." He laughed holding them up innocently.

"S-sure" god why were you stuttering so much, you fight goddamn titans for a living?! But somehow you were more nervous now than when a 10meter was clawing at you.

You entered the room and tried to avoid looking around too much.

You always wondered what the inside of the higher ups rooms look-

*click*

You whipped around, alarm bells suddenly back in full force.

"Captain what are you-"

"You're such a good girl, you know that y/n?" Oros whole demeanor changed and you cursed yourself for not trusting your earlier instincts.

"U-um" you really did not know what to say or do as he took a couple steps closer.

"Always so obedient for me, I think you deserve a reward don't you?"

Shit

"That's not...that's not necessary captain, I really should be going" you tried to lunge for the door but he was quicker and much much stronger.

"I don't believe I dismissed you cadet..." he purred pinning your arms to the door in the blink of an eye.

You were by no means weak, but your struggles were useless against him.

"Let me go" it took all your strength not to stutter in fear.

"How adorable, you know I love it when you follow my orders so well, but I think..." you shivered in disgust as you felt his lips near your neck and press down.

"I'd like to see you fight me as well" you whimpered as he sucked and bit down on the soft flesh.

"S-stop it, p-please" he smirked and looked into your fearful eyes with his lustful ones. "Stop? But that's not what you really want is it? You see I know exactly how girls like you are" he chuckled darkly and moved one of his hands to grip both your arms, while the other slid lower. You gasped when he cupped your breast. "S-stop! I'll, ill scream If you don't!" You felt a tear slide down your shaking form.

"Scream?" He snickered like you had told the funniest joke.

"Go ahead and scream doll, itll be very interesting to see what happens"

"W-what?" You were utterly confused.

"Think about it, if someone walks in on us, what would they think? Seeing a cadet after hours in her superiors chambers?"

"B-but I! I was bringing the reports i wasn't-!"

"Do you honestly think theyll care what you have to say? Who do you think theyll believe y/n? You a nobody cadet who's been fighting titans for 3 seconds? Or me, a selfless hero whos saved countless of scouts lives? All I have to tell them is that you came into my room and tried to seduce me. When I tried to restrain you, you screamed. Who do you think theyll listen too? Why else would you be here so late at night?"

"Y-You're..you're insane, you're not a hero, y-you're a coward who-" he grasped your jaw harshly causing you to wince.

"I'd watch that mouth of yours y/n" he squeezed harder. I am your superior after all, and we wouldnt want any nasty rumors going around that would have you suspended from the survey corps now would we?" He bent down and to your horror pressed his lips against yours.

Fuck fuck what do I do?!? Hes blackmailing me now. I cant fight him, hes too strong, think think think.

But your mind was blank when his cold lips pressed against your lips again. "Open your mouth" he ordered in a voice laced with animilistac lust.

You abruptly turned your head away desperate to get away.

"Heh, always such a tease" he traced a finger up and down your cheek, flipping over your lips. "I'll enjoy this-"

"CAPTAIN ORO, COMMANDER ERWIN REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE IN HIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY" a voice shouts from the other side of the locked door.

With an annoyed sigh, Oro pulls away slightly, "Did he say why?" He lazily looks over in the direction of the door.

"NO SIR!"

"guess it can't be helped... Alright tell him I'll be there shortly" he yelled out.

"Hai" the footsteps recended and you stood deathly still.

He pulled away from you and you immediately pulled your wrists to you, they were an angry red, and it scared you how much strength he had so effortlessly displayed.

"Sorry doll, it looks like we'll have to continue this another night" he stepped away and began dressing normally as if he hadn't just been assaulting you 5 second ago. You quickly make for the door but his voice falters your step, "Oh and y/n?"

You dont look at him, but fear held you in place until he finished, "If you mention our little moment to anyone, you know what will happen" you nodded quickly, anything to appease him and get out.

When the door shut behind you, you felt the flood of tears break through.

D-did, d-did that really happen?!?

You held a hand to quiet your sobs and quickly dashed through the hallways.

You're heart thumped and you felt the need to vomit. You hadn't felt this way since the first time youd encounted a titan. All you wanted to do was get to the safety of your room, just through the hall.

It felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on you when a cold voice shouted out and halted your movements. Please not now, oh god any time but now.

"Oi cadet y/n are you deaf as well as dumb? I asked you a question.

"Why are you out past curfew?" he sounded definitely annoyed and you gathered all your strength to hold the sobs out of your voice.

Without turning around you answered, "I-I had to deliver some r-reports..I'll head to my room now.." you stepped forward hoping he would let you go but you were not so lucky.

"Oi brat, did you hit your head? I didn't dismiss you yet. Not to mention you haven't even addressed me properly, maybe some time cleaning up horse shit will remind you how to respect your superiors" fuck he was definitely angry now.

Still you didn't turn around, you couldn't..."S-sorry Captain Levi, I'll do better in the future.." you barely could even focus on the words coming out of your mouth, your heart was beating a mile a minute. Please just leave me alone!

"Hahh" Levi uttered in disbelief and severe annoyance, even the most novice of cadets turn around when being spoken to by a superior. "Are you trying to piss me off brat?!?"

"No sir..." still you didnt turn around, but gulped in fear when you heard sharp footsteps near you.

"Cadet y/n, you have three seconds to turn around and salute me properly before I throw you into the cells for insubordination" he ordered in his dangerously calm voice, that you never thought would be directed at you.

Having no other choice you slowly turn around, hoping to god the darkness of the room would be enough to hide your current state.

You kept your head down, letting your hair fall over your face, but gave a proper salute. Hiding the Wince that came when the tender flesh of your wrist had to bend.

Your eyes were trained on the floor. And you tried to remember how to breathe normally again.

"At least you remember how to-" abruptly his harsh scolding stopped.

Why did he stop?! Fuck did he notice something. No no calm down, he probably just is coming up with another punishment...right?

Wrong...

Levi was far from being done with dicisplining you but he caught sight of your bruised wrist and furrowed his brows immediately. He knew for a fact the last time you spoke in the hall those had not been there. He was quick to take in the rest of your demeanor and knew immediately that the reason you were acting disrespectful was because something was wrong.

"Cadet y/n.." he said suspiciously slow and not full of anger anymore.

"Y-yes?" Please dont ask me, please dont ask me, please dont-

"Look at me"

*******************************

Part 2 here

Okay so that's part 1! Please comment and lemme know what you think🥰also I'm super sensitive so please no hateful comments. Thanks for reading!

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME - 12 |n.y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : mentions of blood and brutality. For future chapters, major character death(s).

words : 

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or              

“  curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

A/n : this was supposed to be a longer chapter. The Tumblr was bring problematic since three days. This is not how the chapter was supposed to end but i couldn't post anything longer than this so i had to make changes to end it on a surprise tone like other chapters. I hope you still enjoy it.

Was he asking for too much?

His unsteady hand rose and fell, internal monologue stopping him from knocking on the door. Johnny wasn't sure how he even ended up outside taeyong's door. One second he was fighting with his thoughts and the next second he found himself jumping out of his car, almost ready to confront the person behind the door. 

He took a deep breath and was about to drum the wood when the door opened from inside, taeyong's sleepy figure greeting him instantly.

"John. Why are you here so late? Do you need something?"  from red pressed strikes on taeyong’s face, anyone would have guessed that he had been sleeping.

“Johnny! I’m talking to you.” he waved his hand in front of johnny’s distracted eyes.

“Huh” 

“Do you want something?”

“y/n.”

Your life was back on the wagon. Not truly but with a few exceptions here and there, it certainly felt like the old days. You were in chois on weekdays and took tuitions on the weekends. You met your friends while visiting the library and everything felt quite normal. Even with a few oddities, that being the five day training sessions with Jungwoo, some new people in your life, a residence that you felt happy coming back to, absence of someone that you’d never grown a liking for, everything was smooth. Just like before. The only thing you missed was some time. Time for yourself. Though you lived alone, which was a luxury nearing its end, you barely got a few minutes alone with your mind and that was something you craved more than the drink shoved in your hand at the moment. 

You loved your friends, without any doubt, but they lived with the bad habit of disregarding your feelings, feelings that said you would be anywhere but the restaurant you were sitting in. 

“y/n is going into hibernation again.” minjun’s voice broke your trance.

“What did you say?" You challenged him but he cowered in his seat and turned his focus on the soggy french fries instead. When he silenced, yugyeom spoke up, 

“Yo y/n. Don’t scare the child. Just drink away your sorrows. The wine is quite expensive here. If you are making me pay then at least make it worth it."

Suddenly, Jungkook's loud snorting caught everyone's attention as they all quietened, waiting for him to reveal the reasons for his action. Swirling his burgundy glass, he chugged the last bit of the drink before leaning backwards in his chair, relaxing himself.

"Now what's the drama with You" Yeong grumbled, clearly intoxicated. 

"She's already hammered" minjun giggled. 

"When are you going to invite us to your house y/n?" Jungkook chimed in, a smirk plastered on his blushed face. 

"Oh yes. Ms. Lawyer no more l-lives i-in the d-dorms." Yeong hiccupped, losing the grip on the bottle of soju. Yugyeom chuckled at her antics before snatching the bottle away to avoid any fuss.

"I also meant to ask you but you are never available for more than an hour or so. Are you doing alright" gyeom shifted his chair towards you while keeping a hand on his girlfriend's back.

You didn't know how to reply or what to trump up so they'd stop pestering you. However, you had no other choice than to continue with the streak you had started a few months ago.

"Of course i want to have you there but my roommate is very, how to explain, very bitchy. He got this corporate job and he-he works from home so I'm supposed to pretend like I do not exist and keep quiet. That includes no outsiders as well. It's gonna be like this for a few months i guess"

You mumbled the last part.

 You averted your eyes but didn't mean you could've escaped their intense judgemental gaze. You repeated the whole lie that you recited to arrange it in the box of deceit that you were filling since the commencement of these stories. Forgetting any of these would mean shattering their trust. And that was exactly what you were supposed to protect.

Once reiterated, you gathered how foolish the sentence was. Had it been said to you, there wasn't a chance of putting your belief in it. But your company was drunk enough to believe it; two of them were enough to carry the whole table.

"Wow. How horrible of him. We should take y/n with us yugy. She'd be happy and she can invite anyone." Yeong low-key let out a little drunk growl to press her point. 

Yugyeom cooed at her before replying,

"And where will you live? Our apartment has only two rooms and both are occupied. Where do you plan to settle down instead?"

His question made her think harder than she ever had in life as she picked at her jutted out lower lip. 

"Laundry room. You and me, will live in the laundry room because y/n needs a nice home."

"I already have a nice home yeongie." You took the opportunity, got up and reached out to pinch her cheeks, "but you won't know unless you are sober. Take her home, yugy. I'm also sleepy so I'll get going. See you on Tuesday." 

" It's already 11. Let me drop you home." Jungkook suggested, startling you.

"No It-

"Yeah you drop her. I'll take Yeong and minjun home but help me in carrying their asses to the car please." Yugyeom pleaded. He left the bills on the table and took Yeong in his arms. You expected jungkook to do the same but he passed minjun your shoulders instead,

"Wait for me outside. I have to call someone first." and he walked away, his lover grinning on your shoulder like it was the funniest thing in the world but you were fine as long as their drunken state saved you from some heavy confrontation. The only person left was jungkook and you had the perfect idea to dodge him as well. 

"So the same place or are you staying in the dorms this weekend?" He asked, driving out of the busy street.

"Just drop me at the nearest bus station. I'll ta-

"Nakamoto residence or the dorms y/n" you almost choked on the air as the word left his lips. Taking a bus home had seemed like the perfect plan but you had overvalued your common sense. Again.

"What are you talking about?" With hesitation evident in your voice, you muttered.

"Do you really think you'd go to a random house in front of me that I know nothing about and you'd be left alone without questions. I was there until the door was opened by someone. You really thought I'd have left you with a stranger. But i knew something was fishy when the receptionist told me that it's a home sweet home of Mr and Mrs nakamoto. Now spill before I get yugyeom to ask in his own way." He shifted the gears in frustration, your relaxed persona bothering him to no end. Getting jungkook wokred up wasn't a grunt work. He was like a matchstick, always ready to be ignited by any possible frictional surface. 

"It's not what you are thin-

"Don't lie please," he started, words dangerously polite, "If he's your boyfriend then there's no need to hide y/n. We would always be there to support you. When, how, why, i don't want you to feel pressured to answer me. Just because you go around with no commitment tag doesn't mean we'd judge you if you ever got in a relationship. We love you. Make us part of your life like we do. Can't we just expect that much." 

You gulped at how disappointed he sounded. He was right. You needed to include them in your life adventures but how were you supposed to explain him the riots you were dealing with. How were you supposed to spill everything without him getting his sword out. That would only lead to more troubles than you had the power to deal with. Trouble for you, him and for everyone who'd be passed that secrecy. 

So you begged, for some more time until you'd be more than comfortable to let all of them into your present life. 

Like every other word, this was also a lie that, in the first place,  you never chose to proceed with. 

He might have give in to you, but you knew eventually you'd have to muster up the courage to answer him and that day would decide another turn of your future. 

And you would make sure, inter alia, to shift the wheels in a more likeable direction.

“Use your fists!” 

Jungwoo’s grip was strong. His one arm was holding your waist and the other was around your neck. It was painful but you knew he wasn’t going to let go easily this time. This was the third consecutive scuffle or demo fight with him within the span of the last forty five minutes and having lost the last two, awfully at that, expectation of some mercy was not very demanding on your part. But only if he would grant that! You heard his chuckle as you wriggled in his hold. He was clearly having a lot more fun than you were. There was no way you could’ve applied renjun and hyuck’s advice but you still tried to follow their vague instructions.

“Bit his arm and turn.”

“No, don’t. Turn around and hit his torso with your knees.” 

Bit him?

Halting your movements, a low grunt left your lips as you lowered your body and pressed your teeth on his flesh. He screeched and immediately retracted his arm. Taking advantage of his loosened grip on your waist, you whirled around and raised your knee to strike at his upper body. In an instant, your hands fell on your knees and you inhaled a harsh breath, regaining your strength. Jungwoo, on the other hand, was curled up on the floor like a baby. You wanted to laugh at him but the more astonishing thing was the lack of any noise from your cheerleaders. Right from the start, they were rooting for you like you were earning them some hard cash and now that you had done exactly what they had wanted, they were silent. 

“Wha-

you opened your mouth to speak but their lack of attention held you back. Their eyes were fixed at Jungwoo,who still laid where he had landed. 

“What did you do?” renjun shrieked.

“Exactly what you told me to!” you replied with heavy breathing.

“We said torso!”

“Yes and i hi-

Mechanically your hand slapped your face as you noticed the position of jungwoo’s hands. You had, mistakenly, kicked him in the groin which only meant more trouble for you. 

“Save me.” you mouthed to hyuck and renjun while approaching jungwoo. 

“Sorry teacher.” you mumbled.

He remained quiet for a few seconds and didn’t make any movement. When he did, you took a few steps back, afraid of his wrath. Palms down on the mat, he sat up and with painfully quiet voice spoke up,

“Looks like you won. Good j-job. I think i need to visit the medical room. You can go and celebrate.”

“Does it pain too much” pointing to his crotch and averting your eyes, you asked.

“No. not at all but i might need to adopt your kids someday. You know if i can’t make my own.” 

“Sorry” you cried.

“Dismissed.” his civil tone, probably due to the ache, glued you in the position.

When you didn't move, donghyuck came, took you by your arm and guided you for the door.

"He's just being dramatic. Just chill. Another hit and he'd be good to go." He giggled and was soon joined by renjun as well, who was now crouching down in front of jungwoo. 

"You sure?"

"If he doesn't then you can always give him your baby. Ofcourse after asking your husband." Only after he rambled, he realised what he had actually said. His face screamed surprise. To save him from spiralling into deep shame, you eased him by cutting off his apology,

"Ew hyuck. Give him one of yours if you want. Don't come for mine!" And you exited the door.

You were halfway through the basement when you realised the lack of your device. Running back, you were about to shout when you overheard their gossip.

"No, I'm telling you she meant to injure me so i won't teach her anymore or this might be the revenge of all the weapon training. Her knee is stronger than jeno's punch. Don't laugh at me you shits."

Jungwoo was whining. 

"Haha. Yeah ok. But i told you renjun, she's physically stronger than her. Kind of totally opposite." Hyuck's voice quietened at the end but before he could speak further, you interrupted,

"Like who hyuck?"

Their faces went blank at your question and the reason of sudden heaviness in the air was beyond your contemplation. 

"You don't want to answer? Fine. Maybe it's not my place to question." You simply stated before circling the mat to pick up your phone from the chair.

"No. It's not li-

"It's fine hyuck. Chill." You shrugged and walked away, deciding against pestering them for information that they clearly felt too uncomfortable to share. 

"You need a fucking lock on your bloody mouth." was the last thing you heard before they were out of your hearing.

What was the need to ask something when you knew you won't ever get an answer out of them. Everyone was beyond friendly with you but still, there were some borders that nobody dared to cross. Maybe the mention of that woman was one of them. Fear of some unknown ghost of embarrassment was swallowing you whole when you heard grunts. Loud ones. You were still in the basement, the scuffle center being at the far end. The stairs were in front of you. The  snarls and growls were coming from the other end of the basement. The election wasn't hard and you didn't want to give in to your curiosity but you did. Your feet, not cooperating with the voice in the back of your head that told you to turn away, took you ahead in the direction of the noise. Though the residence consisted of only one plot but the basement covered two. Unknown to everyone, the house next to B.N was also their property and it was only utilised for the underground space. Hence the never ending lane and the countless closed metal doors.

The echo got louder with each step you took. It’s been more than a month since you were visiting the basement but those noises had never crossed through you until today. The end doors were forbidden for you, according to what you were told but now that you were exposed to it, there was no chance of ignoring. No prudent person would ever overlook such a thing. That was the justification you were repeating as you took baby steps.

All the doors were closed except one at the very far end. You thought about peaking inside then halted as if your conscious called you. The whimpers also stopped for a minute or so but your heart skipped a few beats when a collision following with painful shriek reverberated in the empty space. The door, slightly ajar, was just a few strides away but you were too startled to even back away from your position. Same pattern of hit and shouts continued again. Unaware of the happenings, you stood there as If you were waiting for someone to separate you from the concrete beneath your feet.

Adding to your distress, the metal door opened abruptly and you realised, you were again at a place where you weren't meant to be.

"What are you doing here?" Jaehyun's growl broke you out of the unconscious state you had fell into. Mechanically, you eyes roamed across him to notice a body lying on the table inside the room, strained cries escaping his lips. The limp body was enough to put two and two together to conclude that he was being tortured. He was a victim of jaehyun's wrath. 

"I asked what ar-

"Y/N!" he picked up his hand to touch your shoulders but you distanced yourself when you noticed the stains covering his clothing and hands, the blood red prominently visible even under the low light. 

His gaze caught yours in time and his eyes softened noticing the fear in your body. 

Very slowly, he reached out for you but immediately stopped, taking a note of your quivering lip.

"Hey. It-its not blood. I ca-can explai- Y/N!" 

The yells of your name covered the whole arena as you rushed away, leaving a dazed jaehyun behind.

"Who was it jae?" 

Jaehyun saw your trembling figure diminishing while you ran away from him as if you were disgusted by him. Not that he expected any other reaction, some good time has passed since someone innocent had came across their work. To say the least, it was never pleasant to have someone witness their harsh manners.

"JAE!"

"Y/n. She saw the body and also the blood."

He mumbled to ten whose visage, upon hearing, instantly mirrored jaehyun's.

"What about him?" Ten pointed to the man, "he's not speaking shit"

"Finish him off if you want. I need to handle something else now"

You raced as fast as you could have. You had never thought of yourself as a weak person but the sight was gruesome to just disregard and walk off. With shaking legs, you finally made it upstairs but the ringing, only became more earsplitting. Your hand harshly rubbed at your chest as you tried to defuse the tension bubbling in your whole body. After what felt like minutes, you covered your ears as if it would stop the ringing. It certainly did not but surprisingly it was muffled. You removed your hands and the blaring returned again. But this time, you laboured yourself to look into your surroundings. You saw chenle, jisung, jaemin running back and forth from the kitchen while doyoung seemed to be scolding jeno for something. Few others were also there, cleaning the couches and spraying some fragrance in the air. Everyone seemed to be their own turmoil, origin was which was yet to be known.

That's when it hit you. Maybe your ears weren't booming due to fright. 

"Chenle"you screamed at the passing boy, "do you hear this sound?" You pointed your fingers in the air to exaggerate your point. He merely nodded before he went past you and the very next second the noise was reduced to mere buzzing. You inhaled sharply to regulate your heartbeat but failed due to the ruckus  that enclosed you. Suddenly jaemin emerged, 

"Why are you so disheveled? Go and change from these workout clothes. Uncle is outside. Didn't you hear the alarm." Only Half of his words entered your head and before you could come to your senses, you were interrupted again.

"Y/n my girl!" Whipping your head, you saw a familiar figure entering the threshold. 

An old man that you surely had seen somewhere. 

His voice was a lot stronger than his aged body which he was dragging along with the help of a walking stick. 

Jaemin nudged you to greet him and you complied as soon as could have in your current state. Only when you got closer, you realised he was the same man you had met in the office celebration. You haven't seen him since then but he looked significantly weaker than before. Even with dark circles present, his face still was still shining with the smile he wore as he staggered inside. 

"How's life treating you my kid" he asked, patting the empty space on the couch. You took the seat and replied in a small voice,

"I'm good. Everything is nice." 

"Why am I smelling Jasmines this late in the evening?" He sniffed the air and galred at doyoung, " Do you take me for a fool? One thing! Cleaning. that is the only thing i ask of you. There are- how many of you are present since the morning. Answer me doyoung." 

The man barked and doyoung muttered a sheepish apology, his head dropping with shame. 

"Each one of you is nonsense. If you'd just clean up your stink once in a while, you'd save your money on the thousands of spray bottles you buy every month. But you thick heads only know how to shoot and punch. Now get me a glass of water before i die of this fake flowery smell"

He shouted like he owned the place and Maybe he did. Your mind and heart were not aligned up to comprehend the simple scenario that took place before you, the dizziness coming and going with intervals.

Then you were called again. 

Looking at your right, your saw jaehyun standing, his face ridden of any colour.

You noticed his new shirt. There was no blood on it. His hands were also cleaned and you were stunned at how quickly your eyes were running on his body to find any trace of what you saw in the basement a few minutes ago.

"y/n, i need to talk to you" 

For the first time, jaehyun's words were directed towards you without any poison in them. 

You still didn't wish to face him so you moved yourself to face the old man.

"Y/n ple-

"Now you don't even greet your own father jung jaehyun."

He spoke with a steadier and louder voice that felt like it was only meant for jaehyun. The contrast in his tone was striking. 

He was jaehyun's father.

"Sorry dad. I have something imp-

"I called you in the morning to inform yuta and taeil and yet i do not see anyone here. Do i need to die for you to respect me!"

You couldn't believe your ears when jaehyun answered in shuddering tone. 

"Yu-yuta is not here." 

He sounded like a child responding to his teacher, scared of some evaluation.

"Then call him."

"I mean he's away on business dad."

"Civil?"

It was like hearing Morse code.

"No."

"You sent him on a target place?"

"No. He's in Nice to collect information."

"Wow. Can you please clap your back for breaking the only sacred rule this family lives by?"

The silence in the extremely large living room was suffocating. This time, except you, everyone else was scared. And it still wasn't of any help.

"How dare you send a family man away on anything remotely dangerous. I thought you all were careful after taeil's incident but no. Nobody cares enough t-

Before he could complete, shaky coughs engulfed his body. Somehow, jaehyun grabbed him the moment he was about to fall from the couch. Doyoung ran for the kitchen while xiaojun, who was always too swift in his movements, came to the living room with a medical box.

You weren't sure what was happening with him or why he was being treated like some high mighty force or why he was so adamant on bringing yuta back but you could only pray that his wish won't be granted.

You weren't cruel but you were sure he'd be able to survive without that piece of shit roaming around.

You couldn't lose the few weeks you had without him.

Taeyong hands clutched yours like his life depended on you.

"Please please please y/n. It's been over a month since he's gone. I never withdraw from a deal. But this is an emergency. Uncle doesn't know you both were forced. He is a soft and weak hearted man. We cannot afford to tell him anything like this and clearly this would be seen as a betrayal to him. You both are nothing like what he's told but he doesn't need to need. He's the only father figure we have. Please just this time. I promise I won't ask anything from you after this. You do not need to live with him. he'd be here until two months are over. Please."

You lifted your brow at his last sentence and liberated your hands from his, feeling his trembling fingers. 

"I don't see the need to lie anymore, taeyong. You can tell him the truth and be over with it. If he has jaehyun as a son, he must be used to hearing blatant lies. This won't be the only one, I'm sure of that." Crossing your arms, you coldly said.

"I know you hate me but please y/n. You know how it is to lose the only family member you have. We have no one besides him. Never had anyone before him. The least we can do is keep him happy until it's too late. Please. Just this time."

Gobbling down each word, you merely nodded at him. If it weren't for his glossy eyes, you'd have threw up on him right after the first pleading but you weren't heartless like him. He was right. You knew how it felt to lose your loved ones, a fate you would never wish upon anyone. Not even the person you despised the most.

"Thank you. I owe you this one kiddo." He hugged you and you pushed him away. 

"Let me call him."

"Yuta!"

"Hmm"

"You need to come back immediately "

Taeyong spoke with urgency.

"Nope. I still have Three weeks and two days left." You heard his non-chalant words through the speaker.

"Yuta it's abou-

"Sorry I'm busy with my french girls. Call you later and please forget to take care of yourself."

And he hung up. 

A smirk formed on your face watching the grim expressions of taeyong.

"Good luck convincing him and while you are going to explain him the difference between the French girls and the French monkeys he has mistaken as women, why don't you explain me what exactly jaehyun does in that other end of the basement. I love some good stories, taeyong. So let's hear how good of a storyteller are you!"

taglist :: @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct @hyuckiesgf @theworld-accordingtocasey  @yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator @minejungwoo @leesalts  @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl--ankhaeji @simplybree @ncttboo @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @/bralessmermaid

[tuiccim]

Terrigenisis (Part 5)

Pairing: Avengers X Inhuman!Reader

Words: 4852

Summary: After undergoing terrigenisis unwillingly your life is turned upside down when you are deemed too dangerous to return to life as a civilian. You are put with the Avengers team to train and rebuild. As you hone your powers and skills, you must also decide if you can find home and love again. Or is your curse to be a lonely wanderer forever?

Part 1  / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

—————————————

That afternoon you find Steve and Bucky in the kitchen when you go to get a snack. 

"Hey guys. What are you up to?" You smile at the two..

"Nothing really." Bucky says. 

"Got any big plans?" You ask.

"Just planning on working on our bikes." Steve says.

"That reminds me. I was thinking the other day that I would love to do some cruising. Can I borrow one of your motorcycles?" You look at both the supersoldiers being sure to keep your expression benign. 

Steve and Bucky exchange a look. 

"Uhhh…"

"You see…" They spoke at the same time. 

"There's kind of a, uh…"

"Code."

"Code! With motorcycles."

"Right. Ya know, rules."

"Like you don't sit on someone else's bike unless they give the okay."

"And… and… Bikes are sort of, uh…"

"Sacrosanct."

"Right! You know, like, really personal and, and…"

"It's not something you let people borrow, ya know?"

"Yeah! Not… not that we don't trust you."

"Right. Total trust, but bikes…"

You interject, "Are sacrosanct?" 

"Right." They both look at you with near panic written across their faces. 

You start giggling, "That was the funniest thing I have ever seen you two do. That was some vaudeville crap. FRIDAY, did you get that on record?"

"Yes, Ms. (L/N)." FRIDAY responds.

"Send the video to my phone, please." You can barely get the words out between laughs.

"Transfer complete." FRIDAY responds.

Steve and Bucky are staring at you in bewilderment. You explain, "My dad was a biker. He and his coastie buddies. I just had to see how you'd react."

“Really?” Bucky deadpans. 

“Serious. They had a whole crew of weekend road warriors. All in love with their bikes.” You grin.

“And what are your plans with that video?” Steve asks. 

“To keep it forever for my viewing pleasure. And maybe show Natasha and Wanda.” You smirk.

“FRIDAY,” Steve starts to say and as quickly as you can you begin to send the video to Nat and Wanda in hopes of disseminating it before whatever Steve was about to do. "Erase that video and delete it from her phone."

"Voice authorization required." As Friday speaks, you engage a firewall you programmed on your phone. Time to find out if you could compete with Tony when it comes to hacking.

"Rogers, Steven Grant." Cap looks at you with a smirk. 

"Video removed from all Stark systems. Unable to access Ms. (L/N)'s phone." FRIDAY says.

"Sorry, Cap." You smirk at Steve. Carefully, you pick up your phone and, deciding your pockets are too easily accessed, you pull the collar of your shirt out and slide the phone into your bra. 

"Why can't FRIDAY access your phone?" Bucky asks.

"I might have programmed a firewall onto it, ya know, just in case." You begin to slowly move towards the elevator. You are trying not to giggle as you feel your phone ding repeatedly. Wanda and Nat got the video.

Steve and Bucky exchange a look and when Steve gives a curt nod, they both advance on you. "Give me your phone." Steve says.

"Nope." You tuck tail and run, but of course you don't get far before a metal arm wraps around your waist and picks you up off the ground. You struggle for a moment but then decide to use a different tact. Bucky sets you down and takes hold of you by the upper arms. Steve stands in front of you in a full authoritative captain pose. 

"Give me the phone." Steve repeats.

Straining against Bucky's grip, you push your chest out. You look up at Steve with doe eyes and say, "It's right there." Before glancing down at your chest and looking back up at him. Unfortunately, you can't hide your smirk as Steve glances from your face to your chest several times. "What's the matter, Cap? I thought you wanted my phone." 

After a few more seconds of Steve's indecision, you're pulled back against Bucky and he wraps his arm around you, pinning your arms to your sides. "Steve's too much of a gentleman, Doll." Bucky says in your ear as his hand slides along your collarbone to the collar of your shirt and pauses. You look up to Bucky with eyes wide. "Don't worry. I won't take any liberties." Bucky smirks.

"You don't think putting your hand down my shirt and in my bra is a liberty? I do believe there are some strict sexual harassment guidelines for both Stark Industries and SHIELD that would beg to differ. Besides, judging from the amount of dings on my phone, Natasha and Wanda have already seen the video." You grin up at him. 

"Clever little minx." Bucky grouses.

"Wanna know what they're saying?" You look at Steve. 

"Let her go." Steve says in a defeated tone but he has a small smile on his face.

Bucky let's go of your arms but his hand remains at your collar. You trail a hand along his arm and slip it past his hand to retrieve your phone and open your messages. Bucky backs a few steps from you and you wink at him. 

Nat: That was classic! 🤣

Wanda: They looked like they were gonna have a heart attack!😂☠️

Nat: They were stumbling over themselves to keep your hands off their 🏍️!

Wanda: They couldn't just offer to take you for a ride? They had to defend the thought of someone touching their bikes! 😂

Nat: I'm sure neither of them would mind taking her for a ride. 😜

Wanda: Nat! 😂

Nat: You know I'm right.

"They say you guys looked like you were gonna have a heart attack at the thought of someone else touching your bike." You grin, deciding to leave out the second half of the conversation. 

"What else did they say?" Steve narrows his eyes at you.

"That you could have at least offered to take me on a ride." You smile as you look between the two.

"I'll take you out on my bike, Doll." Bucky smiles at you.

"It's been a while since we just took the bikes for a ride." Steve says. "We should take an afternoon to go cruising like you suggested."

"I'd love that." You clap your hands  and grin looking between the two. They chuckle at your enthusiasm. 

“Tomorrow afternoon?” Steve says.

“How about after training in the morning? I’ll pack a picnic.” You smile at them both.

“I’m game.” Bucky looks to Steve. 

“Sounds good, sweetheart.” Steve grins at you. 

“Should we invite any of the rest of the team?”

A look passes between Steve and Bucky before Bucky answers, “Nah, let’s just keep it the three of us. Clint is headed to the farm, the couples won’t mind some alone time, and Sam is headed to DC for some meetings.”

“Okay. I’ll see you guys later, then.” You head to your room. Finally, something to do besides train and missions. You can’t wait.

That evening you, Nat, and Wanda are sitting in your room, rewatching the video of Steve and Bucky and giggling. You get around to telling them about your plans with the guys the next day. 

“Wait, you are going on a date with both of them?” Wanda exclaims. 

“What? No! It’s not a date. We are just going out for a ride on their bikes.” You say. 

“Alone? With just Steve and Bucky?” Nat says. 

“Yeah. They’re my friends.” You defend. 

“But you know Bucky has a thing for you.” Wanda says. 

“How do we know that?” Nat looks between the two of you. 

“Game night. That kiss?” Wanda says emphatically.

“It was just a kiss! It didn't mean anything." You say.

“Ohhhhh, no. Wanda is right. Bucky does have a thing for you.” Nat says. 

“Oh, please, he does not. I’m the only available female living on the compound. That's the only reason you two want to pair me up with him so bad.” You roll your eyes. 

“Oh, please, yourself! You’re beautiful, funny, smart! How could they not be interested?” Wanda states. 

“And how can you blame us for enjoying the free entertainment. Plus I happen to know Steve has a thing for you, too.” Natasha smirks. 

“No, he doesn't! Stop.” You look at Nat in horror.

“Why else would he call you Doll all the time? Don't you like Steve?” Natasha looks at you. 

“I'm his friend. It's just a nickname. Of course, I do. He’s a sweetheart. I think you two are reading way too much into my friendship with them. I just, I mean, even if they were interested, I’m just me. They’re Captain frickin’ America and the Winter Soldier! Why would they ever think like that?” You put your head in your hands. It was frustrating you couldn't just tell them that Steve and Bucky are together. It would stop all of this nonsense.

Wanda laughs, “You mean they’re gorgeous, have incredible abilities, are sweet and kind and fun, right?”

“Yeah.” You say. 

“She just described you. You are gorgeous, have incredible abilities, and a sweet, funny personality. You guys are perfect for each other.” Nat smirks.

“Guys, please, please stop. It's just not like that with them. We're friends and that's it. Okay?” You scoff at their knowing looks. “I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Night.” 

“Sleep tight.”

Their giggles trail behind you as you head to your room. As you get close to your door, you can hear Steve and Bucky in Steve’s room. You aren’t trying to eavesdrop but your hearing ability makes it difficult not to overhear conversations.

“I just don’t know if this is gonna work out, Stevie.” Bucky grouses. 

"All we can do is ask. We trust her, right?" Steve says.

“Yeah.” Bucky says.

Your brows furrow at the comment and your mind runs amuck for a moment before shaking away your thoughts. You hurry past, putting your earbuds in to avoid hearing any more, and slip into your room quietly. 

Training the next morning flew by in your excitement. Afterwards, you hit the shower, change into motorcycle ride appropriate gear, and go to the kitchen to put together the picnic. Bucky and Steve come in just as you are finishing packing the little cooler. 

"You look great." Steve says. "The boots are a good choice."

"Thanks. You guys ready?" You can't hold in your excitement and are grinning like a fool. 

"Yeah. I'll get the cooler, Doll." Bucky offers returning your smile.

When you get to the garage, Bucky sets the cooler on the back of Steve's bike much to Steve's annoyance.

"Really, Buck?" He grouses. 

"I carried it down. Only fair, right?" Bucky elbows him. 

"Yeah, thanks. I get a hard cooler in the back and you get the beautiful dame." Steve throws an elbow back at Bucky and then stiffens, turning to look at you. 

You laugh and wink at him. "Tell ya what, I'll ride back with you and Bucky can have the empty cooler." You look at Bucky, "Only fair, right?"

"Right, Doll." Bucky chuckles. He hands you a helmet and you climb on the bike behind him. You'd be lying if you didn't admit that your body reacted to the closeness of his, the intimacy of holding on to him, and the vibrations of the bike. You cruise out and the wind whips around you. 

Steve and Bucky speed ahead of each other alternatively. You hear Bucky laughing. You grin over at Steve who is laughing at their escapades. He looks so happy and carefree as you head into the middle of nowhere. You rarely see any other cars and the scenery is beautiful as you speed down winding roads.

“This is great!” You hollar over the rumble of the engine. Bucky revs in response and you squeal. You can feel Bucky’s body rumbling with laughter. You wish you could see his face. 

Nearly an hour and a half later, Steve slows and veers into the woods with Bucky close behind. They slow down and you can’t tell if they are following a path or not. They are carefully weaving through trees and undergrowth until you reach a small clearing under a huge oak tree. 

Steve stops and turns to you and Bucky, “What do you think? Good for a picnic?”

“I think it’s perfect!” You say, already getting off the bike. The guys grin at each other and turn their bikes off. Steve retrieves the cooler and Bucky pulls a blanket out of his saddlebag. You spread the blanket under the branches of the oak tree and pull all the food out. 

“This looks delicious.” Steve says as he tucks into one of the hearty sandwiches you had made him. Fruit, cheese, crackers, hummus, and some bottles of water and soda round out the menu. 

“Hopefully, it tastes delicious, too.” You laugh and Steve nods while chewing. 

Bucky looks over at you after swallowing his bite of sandwich, “Thanks for making the food. It is delicious.” 

He mugs a face at Steve and you giggle as Steve says, “Jerk.”

“Punk.” Bucky replies. 

“Goofballs.” You pipe in. They both snap their heads to you and you shrink into yourself a little feeling like you’d interfered in their playful banter. “Sorry.”

“Goofballs? That’s the best you can do?” Bucky throws a grape at you. 

“Asshats.” You throw the grape back. 

“Ohhh! Okay, that’s better.” Bucky laughs. Steve grins and shakes his head. 

“What was it like growing up in the Coast Guard?” Steve asks.

“A lot of moving. My dad was stationed in Mobile, Alabama when I was born until I was 4, then Boston until second grade, Northern California for 4 years, Alaska for two, back to Mobile through high school. My dad was sent back to California then and I went to college in Louisiana. It was interesting because I got to live in different places with different cultures. It’s hard with friends. I still have my best friend from high school I keep in touch with. Most of the others faded away. My dad was great. He did everything he could to be a good dad.” You shrug. “What was it like growing up when you did?”

“Way different.” Steve laughs.

“You don’t have to put newspaper in your shoes anymore.” Bucky chuckles. 

“No Penicillin. Food wasn’t as good. Fewer people you were connected with but closer connections.” Steve says.

“Yeah.” You say quietly, staring off. 

“Hey, doll, where’d you go?” Bucky says.

“Sorry.” You give a small smile. “Just, connections are hard. Especially when you don’t stay in one place for very long. I thought that part of my life was over and, here I am, right back in it.”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” Steve says. 

“I moved so much as a kid. Lost friends and nowhere was really ever home. And then I thought it was over. Charlie and I built a life and made a home. And then… terrigenesis. And I’m in SHIELD and it starts all over again. Two months to close out my old life with an agent constantly looking over my shoulder cause I can’t go back, six months of bureaucracy and evaluations and therapy, six months with one team, then I get moved to the Avengers team, and I guess in some ways I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. When am I gonna have to move again? Will I ever have a home again? Like I said before, limbo sucks.”

“You’re not going anywhere, doll. You’re stuck with us.” Bucky smiles sweetly at you. 

“Bucky’s right, sweetheart. You’re an Avenger. This is your team now. Your family.” Steve says. 

“Thanks. I hope you’re right.” You look between them before leaning back on your elbows and looking up at the branches of the oak tree. “This tree is amazing.”

“Beautiful.” Steve says, but when you look at him he’s looking at you not the tree. You mug a face at him. Looking back up at the branches you make a quick decision and begin unzipping your boots. You pull them and your socks off before walking under one of the lower branches. 

“Steve, give me a boost.” You turn to him and say. 

“You’re gonna climb the tree?” Steve asks as he gets up and walks over. 

“Yup.” You put your hands on his shoulders as he cups his hands for you to step up. You grab the branch and pull yourself up to it. You climb as far up as you can safely reach and looking down you can barely see Bucky or Steve who are staring up at you. 

You hear Bucky say, “I’m gonna take a walk.”

“She’ll be fine, Buck.” Steve tells him.

“Yeah.” Bucky keeps walking and you feel bad knowing he must hate heights from his past accident. You hadn’t thought about it before deciding to climb. You had just wanted the free feeling of being up high and maybe a minute to yourself. Your feelings were confusing you. Both Bucky and Steve treated you with respect and sweetness. It would be easy to fall for one of them and you reminded yourself often to not let your heart get ahead of your head. You take a few more moments sitting on the branch taking in the view and the freedom before moving back down. As you lower yourself from the bottom branch, you feel strong hands grip your waist. You let go and are gently lowered down.

“Have fun?” Steve asks, smiling down at you. 

“Yeah.” You smile back at him. He lifts a hand to your cheek and lowers his face closer to yours. “Steve!” You put your hand over his. “What are you doing?"

"I was trying to kiss you." He smiles at you.

"What about Bucky?" You ask.

Steve's brow furrows, "What do you mean?"

“I… I mean, I know about you and Bucky. Why would you try to kiss me?” You say.

“How do you know about me and Buck?” He asks. 

You give him a look. “I didn’t mean to overhear. But I can’t help it sometimes. I can’t keep headphones or earplugs in all the time.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asks, calmly.

“I assumed you’d tell me when you were ready.” You shrug. “I didn’t want to force you into telling me something you weren’t ready to. Steve. Why did you try to kiss me?”

“Because he has feelings for you. We both do.” Bucky surprises you. You hadn’t heard him approach.

“What?” You look at him confused. 

“Let’s sit down, sweetheart. We want to talk to you about something.” Steve takes your hand and leads you back to the blanket. You sit down and put your socks and boots back on as Steve begins to explain. “You know our story. We were separated for 70 years and came out of it having lost pretty much everyone we ever cared about. We’re all we have left of our old life and…”

“And we don’t want to live separately.” Bucky picks up when Steve flounders. “We love each other and want to live our lives together. And when we realized we were both attracted to you. We hoped that you might be willing to be with us. Both of us.”

“Both… both of you?” You look between them. 

“Yes.” Steve fidgets nervously.

“Like, as a beard?” You ask. 

“No! Never. Like, as our girlfriend.” Bucky says.

“Girlfriend?” You say as you are trying to wrap your mind around this unexpected development. “As in a polyamorous relationship?”

“Right.” Steve says.

“How, how would it work?” You are intrigued by the idea. Immensely, if you are honest with yourself. You had felt attraction and emotion for both of them and felt like there was something there with each of them but this wasn’t how you expected this to turn out. 

“We would all be together. As equals. You’d be our girlfriend and we’d be your boyfriends.” Steve says. 

You nod slowly, “And you both want me?”

Bucky and Steve look at each other for a moment and smile. “Yes.”

“You haven’t noticed us flirting with you like crazy?” Bucky smirks. 

“I thought you were just being goofy with me. I mean, I thought you two were together and had no interest in me. Not like that.”

“Do you have more questions?” Steve asks.

“How, um, physical is your relationship?” You feel a bit like a creep for asking, but it would inform how things would work. 

“Fairly physical.” Steve says. 

“So, how would sex work?” You ask. 

A lightning quick look passes between them. Bucky grins, “Pleasurably.”

“Hopefully so, but what I mean is, will it be all three of us all the time?” You bite your lip.

“Yes. Unless one of us is on mission or away. It has to work every way for it to work, I think.” Steve says. 

“Say, you’re gone to a meeting and Bucky and I… ? Will that create tension, jealousy, anger?”

“Will it if it’s Bucky and I, while you are gone?” Steve turns the question around on you. 

A corner of your mouth goes up as you picture walking into the two cuddled up post-coital. You only feel caring when you consider your feelings and theirs. “I don’t think so. What about the team? Would we keep this a secret?”

“I’d like to keep it quiet until we’re sure if this will work out. I don’t want to cause tension in the team and it’s not the most conventional relationship. I think it would be a good idea for them to know you and Bucky are together. We'll work up to the rest.” Steve replies. 

"Is that what you want?" You look to Bucky.

"It's absolutely what I want. As long as it's with the two of you." Bucky says.

“Have you been in a relationship like this before?” You ask.

“No. This would be a first for us. We’ve both dated, but not since we decided that this is the way we wanted our relationship to be.” Steve says. 

"Are you sure you want me? I mean, why? Why me? Is it just that you're both attracted to me physically?" You ask.

"You're beautiful. There's no denying that, Doll." Bucky hooks some of your hair behind your ear. "But you're also smart and funny and loving. When Steve and I talked about this we knew that even if you turned us down you wouldn't judge us. Wouldn't spread it around for amusement." 

"We knew we could trust you. That's not easy. And you're amazing. Gracious. I don't know how anyone wouldn't want you." Steve says while taking your hand.

"So, is that a yes? Or a maybe?" Bucky asks, taking your other hand.

“Or you’ll think about it?” Steve’s looks at you with concern.

You look between the both of them, knowing there was only one answer. You pull their hands together so that you are holding their hands between both of yours. "If any of us are ever hurt by the others, we talk about it together. If one of us wants out, we talk about it together. Open communication, always. If you can both agree to that, then… then it's a yes."

"I can agree to that." Steve says, adding his other hand to the top of yours.

"Agreed." Bucky places his hand on top of Steve's. 

"Then it's a yes." You smile at them. 

"Does that mean I can kiss you now?" Steve asks.

"Hmm…" You smile and bite your lip before answering, "Yeah." You say grinning. Steve leans in and plants a gentle, sweet kiss on your lips. You smile once you separate and then turn to Bucky. "Does that mean I can kiss you now?" You say to him. 

"Hell, yeah." He says as he pulls you close. His kiss is firm but still sweet. 

"And one last kiss to seal the pact." You look between the two of them. They grin at each other and lean in for a kiss. You smile at them as they part and look at you. "Okay. Well, I still want to finish our ride and we have several hours of daylight left."

You pack up all traces of your picnic and Steve places the cooler on the back of Bucky's bike with a smirk. Bucky growls at him but doesn't protest.

"Did you just growl?" You grin up at Bucky.

"He's robbing me of the pleasure of having you against me." Bucky chuckles. You reach up and pull him down for a kiss, opening your mouth to invite his tongue in, which he takes full advantage of as he presses you to him. After a minute, you pull away. "Hope that makes up for it just a little bit." You smirk at him as you get on the bike behind Steve.

"That was hot." Steve says as he starts up his bike. 

You wrap your arms around him and squeeze. "Don't worry. There's more where that came from." You laugh.

"God, I hope so." You hear Bucky say. 

You're still giggling as you jounce back towards the main road. The guys weave around each other, rev their engines, and you exchange grins with Bucky and an occasional comment with Steve. Almost two hours later, Steve pulls into a gas station. He parks the bike next to the pump and you get off the bike and stretch. “I’m going to find the ladies room.”

“Okay.” He smiles as he watches you walk away. 

“You staring hard enough at her ass?” Bucky quips from behind. 

“You weren’t doing the exact same thing?” Steve smirks. 

“Maybe.” Bucky chuckles as he pumps gas. 

Steve finishes pumping his gas, “Hey Buck, you want a drink or anything?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Bucky says. As soon as Steve disappears into the store, Bucky takes the cooler from his bike and moves it to Steve’s. 

He turns when he hears you bark out a laugh. “That was slick, Bucky.” 

“Thanks, doll. It’s my turn again, right? Only fair.” He grins. 

“Bucky!” You both turn to see Steve’s scowl. “Really?” He hands you and Bucky both a drink. 

“Thank you.” You say to Steve. You pull him to you and slide your arms around his neck. He takes no preamble and kisses you deeply. He leaves you nearly breathless by the time he pulls back. 

“Worth it.” Steve says as he grins at Bucky. 

You giggle and swat his butt as he walks back to his bike. “Time to head back?” You ask as you climb on Bucky’s bike behind him. 

Steve and Bucky exchange looks. “A little further.” Bucky says. 

“Yeah.” Steve agrees and starts his bike up. 

About 45 minutes later, they turn off onto a small side road, and then onto a long gravel drive. They pull up to a cabin surrounded by woods with a creek running to the west of it. They switch their engines off before turning to each other and then to you. You feel butterflies begin in your stomach, “Who’s cabin is this?” You ask as you get off Bucky’s bike. 

“It’s one of Tony’s many properties.” Steve says. 

You begin to tremble. Not out of fear but nervousness. You knew from your conversation earlier today that sex was inevitable, but looking at the cabin behind Steve you understood the expectation. You weren’t sure if you were quite ready for that step. “Uh-huh. And what are we doing here?”

“I guess that depends on you, sweetheart.” Steve looks at you nervously. 

You wrap your arms around yourself and look at Bucky with a raised eyebrow wanting his input. He takes in your demeanor and immediately feels empathy for your discomfort. “Nothing you don’t want to do, doll. We can stay the night here doing whatever you are comfortable with or turn around and go back. No pressure. No expectations.”

“I’m pretty sure something like this always comes with expectations.” You say looking between the two. 

“There might be some hope but no expectations. Promise.” Steve puts his hands on your waist and looks at you earnestly. “Nothing will happen that you don’t want.”

You run through your thoughts for a minute looking into Steve’s eyes and then smile, “Seal it with a kiss.” Steve grins as he pulls you in for a kiss. Once he lets you go you face Bucky and look at him expectantly. He smiles and kisses you, too.

“I like the idea behind this.” You look at the cabin.

“What do you mean? Steve says.

“Having our first night together alone. Without prying eyes and ears. Outside the compound. It feels like a lot less pressure.” You smile. 

“I was worried it might scare you.” Bucky says. “Taking you to the middle of nowhere without telling you. We’re serious. No pressure.”

“I’m not scared. I could never be scared of either of you. Just nervous.” You say. “Now, show me this cabin.” 

Steve enters the code on the lock and holds open the door to the well appointed cabin for you.

Part 6

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Masterlist

[turinn]

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

omg so I read this manga this morning called Sesame Salt and Pudding and it’s ab this 22 y/o girl who gets drunk and accidentally marries a stranger, who happens to be 42. it’s the cutest lil slice of life just a really healthy relationship and all i could think was this would be the funniest meet cute for Erwin.

Thanks for linking me the manga website anon omfg you're a real one💙🐛

Alright so below is my 1am thoughts while reading it as i listen to a daddy/mommy issues playlist i found online and drinking green apples monster energy.

Tw: mentions of sex | Tw: suggestive words

Chapter one

The girl is really pretty, I'm really gay.

Wait so she married him while drunk and now can't remember anything?

This lowkey does look like Erwin without gel in his hair

...why can i see Erwin as the type of drunk to not only sign a wedding registration paper but also demand both of you must go get wedding ware, paying for your dress or suit.

Consent 👏yes👏100%👏the bare minimum👏Erwin values consent above literally anything else👏Erwin wouldn't touch you without permission even while drunk out of his mind👏again it's the bare minimum👏

An older dude that cooks & cleans while staying home as i go out and provide for us? This is my dream. Stay at home husband Reiner stay at home husband Reiner stay at ho

Ngl i think Erwin wouldn't know anything past basic cooking despite him reading all these cooking books and watching videos, i think if he really was dedicated he'd sign up for a cooking class go get high level skills just to impress you but treat it like it's nothing

...he didn't wanna stare at her chest so he went to clean the fridge- Erwin would def be that kind of gentleman to change his own attitude instead of ever telling you to change or cover up.

I love her job oh my god yes.

Ooo a love rival huh👀 is this gonna turn into a triangle situation

The only love rival I'd ever see for Erwin is Nile tbh, like i think if it was Miche, Hange or Levi then he'll talk it out and either him or the person backs off.

He gets gloomy when jealous huh~

THIS IS FUNNIER THAN IT HAS ANY RIGHT TO BE DOAKDJKAKSN I CAN'T.

I can't even imagine Erwin's reaction if you said this to him, like he won't even be mad he would just be really taken back, standing there like 🧍🏼‍♂️...he'd even be amused.

Okay- okay this is a good reaction...I think Erwin would say something similar but rephrase it to he more subtle yet somehow making it sound dirtier.

Something along the lines of, "well, if you're so sure then why don't you find out yourself."

And "after all i can't deny that i haven't thought about how beautiful looked last night...how the more beautiful you would've looked laying down."

"You looked like a really delicious treat"

"All pretty and alone, tearing about your worries, i just wanted to make you forget them all and leave the rest to me"

I should stop-

Chapter two

HE SAID HE IS HER UNCLE I CAN'T BREATHE I LOVE THIS

Oh shit he overhead them oh shit

Shit is going down oh god

Man if it was Nile in this hypothetical insert then he'd be hold this information like the petty bitch he is and use it at the date instead.

Chapter three

Ngl dude, i really hate it when they treat it like a women's reputation is all she has. I especially hate the purity culture of that a young women can't be a roommate with a man because "what will people say" like...if they're fucking who cares and if they aren't literally who cares? Do they realise gay people exist too and two women have an equal chance of sleeping together too?

It feels like they treat women as children, maybe I'm just projecting bc i live in a similar kind of culture where all these rules apply here if not more.

Anyway that manga is cute, it just angred me that these two men think they're responsible for solving her problem or as if they have any right to scold her or be angry like she's some kind of child and should listen.

It's her life, it's her problem and it's her who will solve it.

DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP. he's really acting like a bitch as if he has any right to be angry or even judge her oh my god.

"Impure background..." Get fucked.

The only ONLY reason he even can be angry is because she didn't mention being married while they were going for a date but they didn't even go on that date and nothing was official so why does she have to tell him her private life.

RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG HUGE RED FLAG

"get divorced immediately" HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG

Controlling Insecure cunt.

I'm sorry anon that I'm really going off on him and I'm sorry if you like him- it's just that i really really can't stand these things

THE MANGA IS LOVELY THO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RECOMMENDING IT I'D LOVE MORE WHENEVER💜

Oh baby, oh angel I'm so sorry you had to go through that, in no way is it ever right to get angry and yell no matter what especially since you apologised and admitted to your mistake.

Especially since he knew it was something you did while drunk and deeply regret it but he still took out his angry on you like you betrayed his trust when you weren't even together or like you intentionally did it.

Narcissistic dick.

I'm not talking about the next scenes because it might be triggering.

Chapter five

4 is missing :( idk how her parents visit went

We just started the chapter and-

Fuck her. Like what's up with toxic abusive people being too comfortable saying these things lmao like they actually take themselves seriously omfg.

Imagine saying this about Erwin tho, like it feels powerful to say. John maloney was right after all huh

Oh

Oh

So we doing this huh

👀

....oh :( we were just getting to the god part, man Erwin wouldn't have let a phone stop him.

Also bless the translator for their note at the end, it's good we're seperating fiction from reality and clarifying things to people on how to act in these scenarios.

Like drama is fun and all, I'm a huge sucker being extra, but things are different in real life and using fiction as a guide to how to deal with these, clearly written to be extra, situations should never ever be anyone's first choice.

Well that's all the 10 images tumblr will allow me in one post, i hope you had fun anon because i sure did! And i can definitely see this as a sweet wholesome Erwin/reader story, and if i ever did a an inspired rewriting of that manga with Erwin i can definitely see it being really fun to write!

Although i will change some stuff like that guy, i know people have good and bad sides but the guy specifically made me uncomfortable for personal reasons, i also Don't like mentioning serious things like anger controlling issues without diving deep into them.

Imma go finish the manga, if you want a part two, or have a different thing to recommend, please let me know💙

[ofmythsandmadness]

MY THOUGHTS ON TUA SEASON TWO: PART ONE (spoilers)

So...I finished season two. And I’ve got a lot of thoughts.

I’m putting ALL my thoughts under the tab so please, don’t click unless you’ve seen it all, and/or you just....like don’t care about spoilers? But please if you’ve not watched it, watch it first ‘cause it deserves all the hype and attention. 

(if you haven’t watched yet, go into your settings and blacklist the tag ‘tua spoilers’ because that’ll help you avoid anything if you don’t want to be spoiled, at least on here)

Also, this is part one to my thoughts, because it’d be much too long to list it all here! Part two will be linked below this :)

This is going to be SO badly organized, but I’m gonna do my best to make it otherwise! I’m separating it all under sub-headers, just so you don’t have to read through ALL my thoughts on the series (but there’s a lot, sorry).

I legit just watched it all last night, so it’s fresh but also still jumbled and messy. So bear with me.

Also, let me know what you thought, I’m eager to hear others’ opinions of this show!

AS A WHOLE... So, so, SO damn good. I was scared, and worried and I thought there was gonna be a lot more pain...but it was so good. Arguably better than the first season, I think because the characters are fleshed out and have developed more, and I felt myself caring more for their wellbeings (even though I would have already died for most of them).

Honestly, no. This season WAs better than the first and I’m gonna stick with that.

I also really loved the colour scheme of it all?? I think they did that really well the first season too, but the colour choices and how they alternated between blue and orange, it keeps your attention and adds a vibrance to the characters that was there before but not so loudly.

I want to watch it again and admire how they shot/edited it too, because I actually really was impressed with the shots too (normally Netflix shows aren’t super cinematography-heavy, don’t know if that’s how to say that, but TUA really came through and I’m impressed). I don’t want to drone on about that because i know most don’t care about that as much, so I’ll leave it at just...I was impressed, and most happy with the overall presentation of the show.

LUTHER HARGREEVES...

The way i actually now love him?? 

I mean I felt bad for him in S1, but here he’s an actual character and I cared about HIM, rather than what he had gone through. From the moment he said ‘I don’t give a shit’ in episode one, I liked him again and I’m SO glad. 

I didn’t really love how he still pushed for him and Allison...I mean, I understand that you can’t just erase the feelings, they still stand, but I would have liked a little bit less of it. It’s just awkward to watch and to contrast with Klaus literally calling them out, I appreciate that it wasn’t so prevalent but it was still there. 

But overall!! He became a character I actually really liked, he was actually funny too?? Dorky too, and also just more sure of who he was as a person rather than the number...Luther rights.

DIEGO HARGREEVES...

One word: BIIIITCH.

He was one of my favourites from the show pre-S2, and now I can say he might just be my favourite. I would fight fire for that man.

I didn’t think he’d be almost the main character of this show (obviously one of them, because they’re all main characters ig) but I liked it a lot! We really got nothing about who he is as a person in Season One, and though a lot of people were able to fill in the emotional blanks, there was a lot more given to his character and who he is beneath the hard-headed vigilante.

I think David Casteneda did a brilliant job on his character, and had one of the best performances out of all of them. I knew he was good, but I truly was shocked at how good he did as Diego, and I’m happy to see him as an actor thrive and get more credit. He deserves it, and I’m quite happy. 

Surprisingly, he was the character to make me cry (I cried at Ben too, don’t worry, but!). When Reginald said that shit to him, I was in fucking pain. I won’t get too deep into it, but just the way his face dropped, and then the stutter - it struck a cord and I cried more at that then I did the rest of the show. Dunno. Maybe that’s just me.

But just like...I wish he had more support...everyone just kept calling him dumb and mocking him and I KNOW his obsession with JFK was dumb and aligned with the Luther moon thing and he didn’t have the greatest plans and I’m not saying all of his actions were right, but he was fucking TRYING. And some of it, they played it off for comedic effect but they were literally just trashing on him for doing the right thing and making him look stupid...it made me a little sad.

I am glad, however, at how he rekindled with all his siblings. Because arguably, Diego was an asshole to all of them and though again, arguably they all were and none of them are doing well and there are reasons - they were all assholes to each other, and especially him to them, especially Vanya when she really didn’t deserve it. And to see them at least begin to mend their relationship made me so happy. The way that in the end, they sat together?? And how he accepted her apology just like that?? I sob.

The scene where diego just says ‘there’s this girl I like - I CRACKED UP AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY IT’S SO FUNNY BUT JFC THAT WAS SO FUNNY. That and threatening Olga - top tier funniest moments of the season for  me. They really amped up the comedy this season and I’m happy.

One thing I didn’t get was in the last episode, when he bent the bullets’ trajectory for Five...did he know he could do that? Like I understand that he could do it, but we never saw him do anything else around those lines, aside from in the doomsday season ep1, but that was an alternate history so...I’m guessing Reginald taught him, but??? It was kinda random and I would have liked if they hinted at it at least once before.

To summarize, I love him. I love how far he’s come and I hope he just finds some happiness because he keeps getting the short end of the stick. He deserves the world.

(also, diego hargreeves a huge ass nerd. y’all can’t convince me otherwise. big dork energy)

LILA PITTS/DIEGO & LILA:

You know what? I loved her.

I didn’t like her character as much post maybe episode 6/7, basically once she brought Diego in I was disappointed but I liked her character. I think she was cool and different and chaotic and though I was disappointed that towards the end, she felt a bit thrown in, I still appreciated who she was. I was honestly hoping that she would have left the Handler a lot sooner, I thought they were gonna make her realise the truth a lot sooner but at the same time...this is her maternal figure, she’s been basically brainwashed into that support and there’s gonna be an element of love regardless.

I knew she was gonna be one of the 43 though, the second I saw 1993 I called it and I was happy I was actually right on something. Idk her powers, that too seems a lil bit messy but still, I thought it was neat. I just want to see more! And I think we will, hence why I’m trying not to judge her much, but i hope that we get to know more about her. I don’t want a half-baked love interest, and I was hoping that there was going to be a little bit more this season - but we shall see.

(ritu arya, though, is quite good in her role. and stunning. i quite love her)

I also didn’t HATE the relationship between her and Diego. I know it’s a divided topic but I liked it, I thought they were fucking cute and even though i KNEW there was something off about her, I was just HOPING that it’d be different. I mean, that scene on the bed with them???? I think my heart gave out. Palpitations, bitch. I was so fucking soft for them and even when she was exposed....I stillllllllll wanted the best. :(

And then like shit happened and then it got a little messy (y’all should learn how to communicate...throwing out boyfriend and ex-girlfriend terms like that???) and like yada yada, I was okay but I don’t necessarily like the ‘I love him/her’ thing. I mean sure you can, but THAT felt a little quick. I don’t know why tv shows just LOVE to throw out the I love you’s that FAST, but I’m not into it. 

TL;DR - I still REALLY like Lila Pitts, and I still like them together, somewhat (though like maybe slow your asses down folks).

(question though...are we supposed to think of them as siblings now?? bc...idk I don’t see it like luther/allison because they weren’t raised together and really didn’t associate like that?? but are they all reginald’s alien children cause in THAT case wtf am I suppose to think help-)

PART TWO TO MY THOUGHTS: here.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Heavy Metal

Sometimes it’s fun to revisit old movies you watched when you were younger and find out, hey, this is better than you remembered! Sometimes your young mind just wasn’t ready to accept how awesome something was, and you needed time to fully understand what you look for and like about cinema to truly appreciate it. But then, sometimes, you watch something you liked when you were younger, and you realize… wow, this is absolute dog shit!

Such is the case with Heavy Metal. This is a movie I have frequently cited as a low-ranking entry on lists of the finest animated films of all time, and to be entirely fair to the film, it is important in a historical sense, being a cult classic that was passed around through bootlegs because music rights kept it from getting a home video release, and it came out around the dawn of the 80s and kind of destroyed what you would think an animated film was capable of. This film is full of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and it entirely, unabashedly unashamed of this, for better or for worse.

Now, while I do think the overall film is a bit lacking, it is an anthology film divided into segments, and there are some pretty good ones I will make note of; this is not a film with absolutely no merit. But before that, let me point out the one thing everyone can agree is amazing about this film: the soundtrack. You’ve got Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Stevie Nicks, Devo, Cheap Trick… if nothing else, the kickass soundtrack is worth a listen, though Blue Oyster Cult’s song inclusion irritates me to a great degree. The movie went with “Veteran of the Psychic Wars” for the soundtrack, despite the fact Blue Oyster Cult had a song ready to go that is literally about the final entry in the anthology, called “Vengeance (The Pact).” Why the people compiling the soundtrack made this choice baffles me; it reminds me of how they didn’t use “Jennifer’s Body” in, well, Jennifer’s Body, instead opting for a different Hole song from the same album.

But I digress. Let’s go one by one and touch on the segments:

The framing device is about an entity known as the Loc-Nar, who claims to be the sum of all evil, detailing to a little girl how it has influenced chaos and carnage across time and space. The thing is, though, the Loc-Nar doesn’t come out on top in any of the segments, and its schemes are often thwarted. So the entire movie is basically this supreme evil being detailing to a little girl how much it sucks ass at its one job.

The first segment is Harry Canyon, a story about the eponymous futuristic New York taxi driver. In some regards it reminds me of The Fifth Element, what with a scruffy, slummy, futuristic taxi driver trying to help a smoking hot babe find out the truth and all, but unlike that film, this short is a lot bleaker and gritty. You kinda know what you’re in for when Harry vaporizes a dude who tries to mug him, and if that’s not enough, the female lead of this short literally throws herslef at him, and yes, he gets to take a dive into her Harry Canyon – and you get to see it.

This is a running theme throughout these shorts – almost every female character has huge titties and is sexually promiscuous, throwing themselves at the first penis they see as if it was their job. It’s so incredibly juvenile and tacky as to be laughable, but I guess this comes with the territory considering the magazine this film adapted.

Anyway, the segment is harmless and unremarkable. It’s exactly what you’d expect from this sort of story, without much in the way of twists or turns.

The second segment, Den, is arguably the best segment in the entire film. We have a nerdy kid named Dan who gets transported across space and becomes the musclebound warrior with a huge cock known as Den. Every woman throws herself at him, every villain in his way gets pummeled, and no task is too impossible for this man! And did I mention that he is voiced by John Candy? Really, Candy’s comedic touch is what makes this entire thing feel fun and palatable; it’s a cheesy swords and sorcery romp through and through. Honestly, I don’t have much bad to say about this one, it’s just very silly fun.

Unfortunately we are back to being not great with Captain Sternn. Sternn, played by Eugene Levy (of The Wacky World of Mini Golf fame), is basically an intergalactic war criminal on trial, and when his paid witness Hanover Fiste (played by Rodger “Squidward Tentacles” Bumpass) comes up to the stand, the Loc-Nar influences him to the most evil act possible… betraying this war criminal in front of the judge and jury! GASP! I’m not sure what the Loc-Nar is really trying to do here; you’d think it would maybe want Sternn free to continue spreading wicked influence across the galaxy, but nah, it just makes Squidward hulk out and tries to kill him, only for the tables to be turned and Squidward to be dropped out an airlock, further cementing how utterly useless the Loc-Nar is.

Thankfully, once that’s over, we have yet another very strong segment, another contender for best in show: B-17. This is a genuinely creepy zombie short film, and the zombies are utterly horrifying and grotesque. This is regarded as the most nightmarish part of the film, and for good reason; this shit is certainly worthy of being called “heavy metal.” Honestly, there isn’t much bad to say about this one either, except perhaps that it is over far too soon.

Then we get to what is probably the worst segment: So Beautiful, So Dangerous. The entire segment is sort of meant to be a lighthearted comedic breather between The last segment and the final one, but it just comes off as combining every problem the movie has into one segment: the uselessness of the Loc-Nar, copious and ridiculous sex, drugs, and so on. Really all that’s missing from this is gratuitous violence, but hey, guess you can’t have everything all the time, right? It just comes off as really dull and pointless, and there’s not really anything particularly funny about anything that happens in it, unless of course you’re a thirteen year old who thinks “big boob woman having sex with robot while aliens snort cocaine” is the funniest shit on Earth.

Thankfully, we end on a strong note with Taarna, which is about a proud warrior woman dressed in horrifically impractical armor (and this actually effects the plot, I’m not kidding, somehow there was some self-awareness here) and a cool alien pteradactly flying off to fulfill a vengeful pact after the slaughter of a peaceful race by barbarians mutated by the Loc-Nar, in what may be the Loc-Nar’s sole impressive feat. Taarna is the ultimate hero, giving us the trifecta of qualities a heroine in this movie should have – boobs, butt, and bush... Er, I mean, sword, cool mount, and ass-kicking prowess. This one is not quite as good as “Den” or “B-17,” but I still think it’s a solid finale that has enough action and awesome music to make up for its tackier elements.

The movie ends with Taarna’s defeat of the Loc-Nar echoing through time and killing it which… makes absolutely zero sense, but whatever, the Loc-Nar is an absolutely atrocious villain and perhaps one of the most useless in cinematic history, he gets a 1/10 on Psycho Analysis. Then the girl gets her own kickass space dragon thing and becoming the new Taarna or something and, honestly, it’s the exact  sort of batshit ending you should expect from the film.

So, is this really an awful film? In some places, no. It’s a love letter to cheesy, trashy sci-fi fantasy from the 70s, with all that comes with it, and in that regard it does succeed. But still, a lot of the film feels like the utterly juvenile fantasies of same sad high schooler, or perhaps even middle schooler, who has never had and who likely never will have sex. It’s a tashy little time capsule to a bygone era where this sort of storytelling was okay so long as there was enough blood and titties on display, so if that appeals to you, by all means, check this film out. It’s certainly not the worst thing in the world to watch, but animation has come so far and adult animation in particular is capable of so much more than adolescent masturbatory fantasies that this film has little value beyond a few solid segments and a damn good soundtrack.

Hell, just go listen to the soundtrack. I think you’d have a better time doing that.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 64 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 60 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

---

RATE THE EPISODE 53 Responses

The poll closed with 54 responses. The overwhelmingly positive response to the season continues, with 97.9% of folks giving it a 4 or higher and not a single person giving a rating less than 3. 

10/10 acting, atmosphere and music

MAPPA couldn't have done a better job. Inhumanely impossible. 20/10.

Just pure hype

Amazing episode, one of the best in the entire series.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 53 Responses

The overwhelming majority of respondents enjoyed the last scene of the episode, with Eren transforming in the basement and assaulting just as Willy formally declares war on Paradis. Behind the climactic moment, the rest of the favored scenes were various moments throughout Eren and Reiner’s conversation prior.

WHICH INTERPRETATION (BY RBA) OF THE OLD MAN’S STORY DO YOU THINK IS CLOSEST TO WHAT THE MAN ACTUALLY THOUGHT? 54 Responses

The Old Man’s story and its motifs have been present all throughout this season, so it’s interesting to see how people see it. When it comes to understanding the Old Man’s thoughts specifically, the plurality (46.3%) agrees with Bertholdt’s interpretation. Others (35.2%) see more to Annie’s idea of the Old Man’s final thoughts. Only 18.5% believe that there’s little use in predicting what’ll never be known.

IN THE SAME VEIN, WHICH OF THE AFOREMENTIONED INTERPRETATION FITS REINER’S STATE OF MIND IN THE BASEMENT SCENE? 54 Responses

In that same vein, the plurality (42.6%) also believes that Reiner wanted to receive judgement, perhaps from Eren. Just a little under 26% believe that in addition to receiving judgement, Reiner also wants to receive forgiveness. Few believe Reiner solely wants forgiveness. Finally, a little under 15% simply aren’t sure what Reiner wants. 

He just cant take it anymore, he wanna die. If he stays alive he will become the reason of death of more people which he doesnt want

He wants it to be over 

He wants to be killed as an atonement because he can’t live with his contradictory feelings about what he’s done

He wants what happens after someone is judged- to be sentenced. Reiner already judged himself.

I dont care

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET A HUG FROM PIECK? 54 Responses

An incredibly serious question with a lopsided result. Just under 69% would like to receive a hug from Pieck, in contrast to 13% who’d rather not. 18.5% don’t really care about stuff like this. 

DO YOU THINK HELOS ACTUALLY EXISTED? 53 Responses

The majority (little under 53%) believe Helos was a complete fabrication, down to his very existence. Some others (18.9%) think he existed, but wasn’t anybody special or (13.2%) think he existed and was actually involved with ending the Great Titan War. A bit over 15% just don’t care.

“I’M THE SAME AS YOU.” EREN SAID THIS TO REINER A FEW TIMES IN THE EPISODE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? DO YOU THINK EITHER OF THEM HARBOR A GRUDGE AGAINST THE OTHER? 29 Responses

One of the episode’s focuses was the meeting between Eren and Reiner, in addition to their general relationship. Here’s what a few people thought about the central motif of the meeting: 

At this point Eren's attitude is all like "It's nothing personal." 

Eren is in the same state of mind like reiner, he wanted to become the hero, yet he became a villan in the enemy's eyes

I think Eren's right. They're the same, and S1 and S4 parallel their actions in multiple ways. I honestly don't think Eren has any kind of grudge against Reiner anymore. I think he's moved on from his hatred and is just doing what he thinks he has to. And Reiner just seems ready to die so he doesn't have any kind of grudge either.

I think Eren is definitely holding a grudge, it’s not like him not too. 

Hell no, Reiner is an irredeemable monster. Based on the preview for the next episode, whatever Eren does from here on out is justified.

If Eren kills someone dear to Reiner, maybe Reiner will hold a grudge against Eren, otherwise they understand each other reasons.

I think they recognise each other’s efforts to protect their homelands (even if it means destruction) and their determination to do so, and that they have the same motivations and values. i think they don’t have a grudge against each other because they are able to see they are similar people who have just been placed on opposing sides, and that it is nothing more than their duties to bring down the enemy, but at heart, they hold the same values and morals.

I think it mainly shows how Eren has matured over the last few years. He knows Reiner’s intentions now, and he can admit that the two of them are similar without lashing out at him immediately and labeling him as a completely evil man (like he used to). I think Eren might still have some harsh feelings towards Reiner, but it definitely doesn’t seem like it’s his priority right now. Reiner doesn’t clearly display that he has a huge grudge against Eren (though I bet he still isn’t very fond of Eren). More than anything, Reiner seems to be struggling with his thoughts about his time in Paradis. It seems like he can’t accept the fact that Paradis Eldians are not all devils; he may be struggling to suppress this new perspective, and he forces himself to commit to his “honorary Marleyan identity” instead. Thus, I don’t think Reiner hates Eren as much as he used to, as he seems to be showing slight signs of sympathy towards the Paradis Eldians.

No Eren is now a grown ass adult when je was making his decision. Reiner was a kid he was like 11? 12? He didn't know he was an indoctrinated child and he suffered all his life for that. Eren isn't at all the same as Reiner. 

I feel like that emphasizes that the people of Marley and Eldia are no different from each other, just that they are on different sides. I do not think Eren and Reiner harbor a grudge against each other.

They’re both pretty fucking broken. I don’t think Eren or Reiner hate each other because Eren said “if it’s to save the world, then you didn’t have much of a choice.” But I also think part of Reiner wants Eren to hate him because he hates himself so much.

i think the old eren would hate him but it’s been 4 years and now i think he has realized that they are in fact very similar. i feel it is very interesting what happened but i think there would still be a minor grudge against each other

They both have the same purpose but different paths, to protect their loved ones from a threat. Since it's not really a personal issue but a bigger picture I don't think they resent each other, it's just a coincidence how they both ended up against each other.

DO YOU THINK THAT EREN AND REINER ARE EFFECTIVE FOILS TO EACH OTHER? 52 Responses

The vast majority (88.4%) seem to agree with the notion of Reiner being a foil to Eren, be it a complete or partial foil. 9.6% dissent and argue that there’s no comparison.

LADY KIYOMI OF THE AZUMABITO CLAN SEEMED TO NOT STICK AROUND FOR TYBUR’S THEATER PRODUCTION. WHY? 52 Responses

An interesting development came in Episode 5 in the form of Lady Kiyomi of the Azumabito leaving Tybur’s Play before it started. The majority (just under 52%) thought it meant that she had ties to Eren and/or the SC. A large minority (34.6%) on the other believe that although she somehow found out about the attack beforehand, she has no ties to Eren. Some others were either already spoiled, believe she got lucky or think she had her own plans of assaulting Tybur during the play.

MR. LEONHART SEEMED ADAMANT THAT ANNIE IS STILL ALIVE AND WILL COME BACK HOME. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 53 Responses

When it comes to Mr. Leonhart’s appearance and his convictions, the vast majority (83%) believe that Annie is alive. The major division comes about whether Annie will be able to reunite with her father or not. Some others believe that Annie is neither dead nor alive and is more permanently stuck in her crystalline state. Only one person believes she is simply dead and that’s that.

REINER IS SHOCKED BY EREN’S PRESENCE ON THE MAINLAND. WHAT’S THE FUNNIEST WAY YOU COULD ENVISION EREN GETTING ACROSS THE SEA? 52 Responses

A bit of a less serious question came out here. How could Eren get across the sea in a less serious manner? Some thought him walking on water would be rather amusing, others believed piggy-backing on Armin’s Colossal Titan would be most humorous. Other options included free-styling across the sea or kayaking. 

A ship? Maybe one of those Marley sent to Paradis in the last four years?

bOAT

Had armin yeet him across 

He rode on David Hasselhoff

Used one of the Marleyan ships that was sent to Paradis to go to Marley

WHO IS THAT LANKY SOLDIER WHO TRAPPED PIECK AND PORCO IN THE HOLE? 53 Responses

A plurality (45.3%) believes the lanky soldier who trapped Pieck and Porco is someone we already know. Though a little under 23% think that it’s actually a new character only Pieck knows. In a similar vein, 13.2% think that it’s a new character from the SC. 17% appear to have been spoiled, however.

MAGATH ASKS, “HAS IT BEGUN?” WHEN HE LEARNS THE WARRIORS HAVE GONE MISSING. WHAT “IT” IS MAGATH TALKING ABOUT? 51 Responses

Just shy of 50% think that Magath was already aware of Eren and/or SC’s presence in Marley when noting that “it” has already begun. Others believe that he either had some other plan created in conjunction with Willy or was waiting on an attack from the nation of Hizuru. A little under 20% just aren’t sure. 

He was anticipating enemy attack

DO YOU THINK WILLY WAS TRUTHFUL WHEN REVEALING THE “TRUTH” TO THE WORLD? 51 Responses

When it comes to Willy revealing the “truth” to the world, the vast majority (72.5%) believe that Lord Tybur was largely truthful when it came to dropping bombshells, but also made sure to twist certain things to get a favorable narrative. Some others think that he was either completely or only partially truthful.

WILLY ACCUSES EREN OF WANTING TO UNLEASH THE COLOSSAL TITANS UPON THE WORLD. DO YOU THINK HE IS JUST DEMONIZING HIM TO GET THE WORLD TO ATTACK PARADIS, OR DO YOU THINK THIS IS SOMETHING EREN IS CAPABLE OF DOING? 51 Responses

A rather noted accusation from Willy rained down upon Eren in this episode. And as a result, we gained a rather colorful pie chart to boot. In it, a slight plurality (23.5%) seemed to believe Tybur’s accusation when it came to discerning Eren’s future plans. Slightly less (19.6%) thought that Tybur was making up BS about Yeagerboy. The same percentage (19.6%) took a middle group, arguing that although Tybur actually believes this is Eren’s plan, Eren actually wants something different. Some others simply note that Eren couldn’t do that dastardly act, even if he wanted to due to lack of royal blood. 21.6% were spoiled about the story’s future. 

Pretty sure Eren wants to kill every last person outside of Paradis and is going to use Zeke’s royal blood to do so, but I think Zeke will be tricked or forced into it sonehow

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BADLY DO YOU FEEL FOR FALCO ABOUT THE WHOLE LETTER FIASCO? 52 Responses

When it comes to Falco and the whole letter fiasco, there is much sympathy for the boy. More than half gave a rating of either 4 or 5 and only 13.5% gave a rating of either 2 or 1. In conclusion, Eren is a mean poopy-head!

EREN TOLD FALCO LAST EPISODE THAT HE HOPED FALCO WOULD LIVE A LONG LIFE. YET HE TRANSFORMED ON TOP OF HIM IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 52 Responses

Staying on the topic of Falco, and Eren’s actions being contradictory to his words, almost 56% believe that although Eren was honest with his words in regards to Falco’s future, he had no qualms about letting that get in the way of his plans. A noted minority (28.8%) think that Eren hoped Reiner would protect the young boy. A small percentage also thought that Eren was simply lying to Falco.

DID YOU EXPECT EREN TO TRANSFORM ON TOP OF REINER AFTER HIS SPEECH ABOUT THEIR SIMILARITIES? 51 Responses

When it came to the episode’s ending, the majority seemed to expect Eren’s transformation, be it because of spoilers or own predictions (58.8%). A noted minority (41.2%) did not expect it, however, predicting either a recruitment attempt from Eren or something else entirely.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I loved the music. It made all so tense my heart was beating like crazy.

WILD AND AN EMOTIONAL ROLLARCOASTER

As an anime only, i think that the choice of ost in this episode was beyond good. I don't see why people are complaining about the ost. For me it was perfect because Eren's transformation was like a sudden turn and 2Volts is perfect for that just like when they reveal the owl as the Attack titan. Wayyy better that YSBG or any ost that these manga readers were hoping it to be. Mappa and the production crew doesn't deserve any of these hate. Done ranting fgs.

Grim Reminder 2.0, but with Marley and the Warriors finally getting what they deserve for what they've done? I'm DOWN for that!

I’m wondering whether Historia is still Queen and how much character development she had gone through as a monarch during war

The people who complain about the music choices of the directors are just pure titan idiots

Assuming he lives through this battle, I think Falco is going to be one of the main characters in season 4. He has been telling himself that he “does not want to fight anymore” and he was probably influenced by what Eren (Mr. Kruger) had said to him on the bench. I can see Falco maybe rebelling against Marley in the future, but for now he’s clearly still devoted to Marley. Overall, I loved this episode, and season 4 is finally picking up with the action. I was looking forward to seeing our protagonists (Eren and the Scouts) again, and I thought it was interesting how Eren seemed much more mature, yet still somewhat insane in this episode. I am very excited to see the next episode, particularly to see the rest of the Scouts and to see what happens in the “war” Eren starts. I am also curious to see if anyone from any other nations decide to side with the Eldians, or if all of them simply believe Willy and hate the Paradis Eldians too.

manga readers really need to shut up and put bigger spoiler warnings 😐 loved the episode despite getting spoiled.

It was one of the best episodes of AOT I have seen, I truly don’t understand why or how people could complain about it. I’ve seen the posts about the soundtrack not fitting the episode but I honestly do not agree. The whole episode was perfectly directed and had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. 

Ost's totally fine, so is the CG. I think most are too invested in the episode to give a fuck except Manga readers. 

I wish the Paradisians would have found another way to achieve their objectives instead of killing innocent civilians, like maybe targeted attacks on key military targets, or demonstrations of strength or public information campaigns to dissuade Marleyans and other people from wanting to go to war against them.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 48 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again next episode!