#the 3 point gap from 12 to 8 is wild

[probayern]

it's wild that every single team in the bundesliga still has something to play for except darmstadt and arguably dortmund and leipzig

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 18 - USA

Yeehaw! (sorry, couldn't help myself). What can I say the 2024 testing hype is getting to me and I really want to finally finish my 2013 watch through before the first race of the season, so we're on Austin!

Again, very few memories of this race bar Seb's first and only win at COTA and the very iconic "We have to remember these days..." team radio 🥹

So let's get into it!

As far as I can remember, they just had regular Pirelli podium caps instead of the cowboy ones but I could be wrong.

Honestly I don't mind COTA as a track that much. It's not one of the greats but it is decent.

What the fuck is Hulkenberg doing in 4th??????

Starting the grid order whiplash early I see

Speaking of, let's get into it: Seb pole and Webber P2, normal for 2013; Grosjean P3; Hulkenberg P4 (WILD); Lewis P5; Val P9 (hell yeah); Jev P14 and Jenson P15 :(

OH we also have Heikki Kovalinen filling in for Kimi as he missed the last two races of 2013, he lines up P8.

Mediums and Hards are the tyre compounds for this race.

[Formation Lap]: It is also Quite Warm™️. To the point where it may become a 2-stop race due to thermal degradation.

"Mercedes don't care if they're 19th and 20th so long as Ferrari are 21st and 22nd" um... I care

[Start/Lap 1]: Grosjean takes P2 at turn 1!!!!

and Lewis takes P3!!!!!

and we already have yellow flags

aaaaand they're gone

shit Sutil's in the wall (he's fine)

aaaaaaand Safety Car

well that was certainly a first lap.

Sutil's girlfriend facepalming is a mood

[Lap 2]: Bernd Maylander sighting!!! Our forever Driver of The Day.

[Lap 3]: as it's a SC there's really nothing much going on apart from shots of people in garages

and the replay of Webber's start was actually fine, it was just where he'd positioned the car that led to him losing places

[Lap 4]: Hi Ted!!!!

woo SC in this lap

let's go zoom zoom!

Seb's had a great SC restart, I miss it when they didn't stress me out

[Lap 5]: "We think Jenson might have a bit of front wing damage" fUCK

racing gods stop being mean to my boy

[Lap 6]: Seb leads by 1.9 seconds like the GOAT he is

Alonso is down in P7 I have zero idea how that happened.

and once again I'm quite compelled by just watching the cars go round even though there's nothing much happening sdvhvhd

[Lap 7]: Webber is catching up to the back of Lewis 👀

[Lap 8]: Not Maldonado having a wobbly front wing (possibly from the contact with Sutil)

[Lap 9]: again nothing much happening but cars going around the track are fun to just watch 😅

[Lap 10]: Though Webber's dropped back from Lewis a tiny bit

Jenson is in the dizzying heights of... P14 🥲

Hulkenberg is also the conductor of a little DRS train in P5

[Lap 12]: a shot of the McLaren pit wall since there's so little racing happening

[Lap 13]: Lewis getting a little snarky with Bono instantly being followed with a shot of the Merc pit wall dbhdfjbshfdj

and Webber gets past Lewis!!

The TV feed literally cut to it as it was happening so I got a bit of a fright

It was a saucy move though, round the outside of turn 16

[Lap 15]: Once again asking where I can get myself an emotional support Bono

also also HOW is Rosberg down in P11 but Hulkenberg is in P5. Nico be serious for a minute please.

and by be serious, I mean get your pretty little head further up the field and be the superior Nico

...Not Hulkenberg being faster than Lewis too 😭

once again asking Mercedes to get their shit together

JENSON SIGHTING!!!!!

[Lap 16]: He's chasing down Massa for 13th

the TV feed following Jenson and immediately getting a Seb fastest lap, the racing gods are Sebson truthers

[Lap 17]: Seb onboard!!!!! He exists!!!!

he also has a 6.3 second gap over Grosjean

"I've got no grip man" every race we get closer to the maiden 'Bono my tyres are gone'

[Lap 19]: Anyway I haven't done a top 5 overview yet, it's: Seb, Grosjean, Webber, Lewis and Hulkenberg

Speaking of Nico v Nico, Rosberg takes P10 from Ricciardo

It was a good move too! Started in the braking zone of turn 16 and ended around turn 18, probably the longest bit of racing we've had so far

[Lap 21]: And Jenson makes his first and possibly only stop

he comes out in P16 😭

[Lap 24]: Bottas pits from P8 and comes out in P10

[Lap 26]: I think Lewis got the message after the third box Bono, but I appreciate the dedication to the bit (Lewis has made his one and likely only stop, like many mediums off for hards)

[Lap 28]: Seb finally makes his first stop! And also for the hard tyres

Lewis jumped Hulkenberg at his stop!!!!!! God!! Bless!!!!

also also 🚨WE ARE FINALLY AT HALF DISTANCE🚨

and honestly thank goodness, this race has not been it thus far

[Lap 29]: Webber also makes his first stop

and oof 2.3 second stop.

I wish I could say that Fernando made a great move on Gutierrez but the on board camera was at a funky angle so I didn't actually see it

[Lap 30]: Grosjean has pitted and comes out between the two Red Bulls

aaaaaand a Seb fastest lap 👌

oof Lewis is not happy this race 😩

[Lap 31]: Perez passes Gutierrez on the main straight

[Lap 32]: Nico Rosberg finally gets himself into P11

and lol at the fact you can barely hear Ross Brawn on the TV feed.

the V8 engines said "I've had enough of this guy"

[Lap 33]: Top 5 overview since it's been a while: Seb, Grosjean, Webber, Lewis and Hulkenberg

Webber is only within a couple of seconds of Grosjean though

And Jenson is still in P14 🥲

Rosberg takes P10 from Di Resta down the inside of turn 16!!!

Another very fun move 👌

[Lap 34]: And Valtteri briefly took P8 from Gutierrez

for a 2013 Williams that's basically winning a grand prix

[Lap 35]: I can't believe I'd forgotten about the rotating cameras on the front wings 😵‍💫

BUT Valtteri re-takes P8 - through the esses section!!!!

another peach of a move 👏

[Lap 37]: Webber's been dropping back from Grosjean by half a second...

Comms don't think he has a problem but biiiig oofs

"Rosberg's starting to catch Bottas" oh the 'Nico's sudden retirement causing Valtteri to take his seat' of it all

[Lap 38]: Webber just did the fastest lap, he's fine

meanwhile Jenson's in P13!!!! progress!!!!

Being a Jenson fan in 2013 was rough, let me tell you

[Lap 39]: *crosses off 'Andrea Stella talking to Fernando in Italian' off my bingo card*

huh, Massa made a second stop for mediums

inch resting

nvm IT PUTS JENSON IN 12TH!!!!!!

[Lap 40]: Seb sighting!!!!

[Lap 41]: livery watch: oh the navy and gold Toro Rosso livery how I miss you...

[Lap 42]: Rocky once again telling Seb to slow down dfvhdfvhd

unstoppable force vs immovable object

Rocky and Bono are the founders of the Exhausted Race Engineers Club

[Lap 44]: and we now find ourself in the very strange universe where Alonso (in a Ferrari) can't get past Hulkenberg (in a Sauber)

You'd think it would be an immediate pass, but no

[Lap 45]: and Fernando finally gets the move done on the exit of turn one

Lewis is the next car ahead...

potential stress inducing battle aside, another Seb sighting!!!

He is unbothered, moisturised, flourishing

[Lap 46]: Jenson closing up to the back of Di Resta

[Lap 47]: damn Fernando is already within DRS range of Lewis

the old man is old manning again

[Lap 48]: Speaking of old men, Webber's back in DRS range of Grosjean

[Lap 50]: Still catching but not quite close enough

Lewis is back to 2 seconds ahead of Fernando

and most importantly on midfield watch, Valtteri is still in P8

Jenson's into P11!!!!!!!! WE MAY STILL GET POINTS!!!!!!

oh a Simon Rennie sighting for the girlies (gn)

[Lap 52]: 🚨5 laps remaining!!!!🚨

honestly the second half of the race was much better than the first, curse you one stop races

Jenson is 2.4 seconds from P10, I'm not sure if he's going to make it

[Lap 53]: you know that "I wanna see my little boy" vine? That's me every time the TV feed cuts to Seb

[Lap 54]: Jenson is now 6 tenths behind P10

come onnnnnn JB

[Lap 55]: We literally have 2 laps left

can't type. too invested in watching the Jenson v Ricciardo battle.

HE TAKES P10 ON THE EXIT OF TURN 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's my guy that's my bestie

[Lap 56]: Last lap!

looks like everyone else is going to hold position

[Finish]: AND SEB WINS IN COTA!!!!!!!!!

His 8th win on the bounce, which at the time made him the first driver to do that in one season. MY GOAT!!!

rest of the Top 10: Grosjean, Webber, Lewis, Alonso, Hulkenberg, Perez, Bottas, Rosberg and Jenson

well, that kind of felt like a race of two halves, which I'm very much pinning on the one stop strategy the bulk of the cars ran. But WHEW once the drivers didn't have to conserve their tyres the racing was great! Loads of battles up and down the field which was so fun to watch.

Next race, and the last one of 2013 - Brazil!

[claudiajcregg]

Sweet @holy-ships-x-red-lips tagged me in this but I initially missed it. Fun questions! Thank you, Danielle! I had it mostly ready yesterday, but forgot to post.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?: Currently 20! (One of them are ficlets I put all together, probably because that was a FFN thing… Which, if counted separately, means I have 25.)

3. What fandoms do you write for? These days, it's just The West Wing.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

maybe everything's just turning out how it's supposed to be (115)

say it's here where our pieces fall in place (65)

just your smile lit a sixty-watt bulb, in my house that was darkened for days (52)

all's well that ends well to end up with you (46)

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it (45)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

Yes! Even if I'm so behind these days. I like to thank people for taking their time to both read and write a few words back. In some cases, it's also fun to reply to points they raised, whether it's by giving some insight or joking back.

(there are so many questions that I'm putting the rest under a cut!)

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

I'm not big on angsty endings, even if I appreciate that! I guess out of the ones posted, it's don't want you to go but I'll be okay, by the nature of what it explores (Danny leaving in S2), especially compared to other, more ambiguous endings like we could be the way forward.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them have pretty happy endings! Depends on what one's definition of a happy ending is. The first that came to mind was still you never took your hand from mine (memoir), but I'd say all's well (wedding sunset), maybe everything (BBC'08), and a couple others might be in the running.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Been lucky not to. If I did, it was probably years ago. I mostly get ignored/don't get many comments! (I started to get a few more last year, thanks to the server.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

I do 🙈 Wouldn't consider it anything remarkable, and what I write is not anything too wild, either. Posting it… I might die before actually posting the actually explicit (?) stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not! *insert comment about how nothing I write will top the Bones/Sleepy Hollow crossover that actually happened canonically. wtf fox.*

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nope! I would be flattered. I could probably translate my own, now that I think about it. (I swear I'm not trying to flex here.) It just feels weird.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Not really! But it's something I've been open to, and could be a fun idea. I might or might not have floated it to someone, a few months ago.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

Don't ask me to choose, please. Considering these are questions about writing, I do love writing CJ/Danny's dynamic and filling in the gaps canon left. But I loved writing B&B as a teen.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

What is the definition of done? Posting? I feel like mine doesn't always have that end goal. Even then, I think there are too many possibilities here. I just hope it's not the S5 Pregnancy AU. I'm so close. I'm sure there are actual answers to this, but they are probably UFOs rather than WIPs.

16. What are your writing strengths? 

People love to say it's my descriptions or how I get into a moment, but I would mostly agree on the latter. I feel that, if I were more lyrical, it'd be better. I think I can write tender, sweet stuff well, too?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

As I said in the previous question, I wish I was more lyrical in my writing in general. It's not something that comes naturally for me, whether it's the ESL or just the way I am. Also, smut. (I know of people who will argue with me about it but it's true.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

When I first read it, I thought it meant writing in another language altogether. My fic sometimes includes a few words (super basic Spanish or Italian, usually terms of endearment) in other languages; when it comes to longer chunks… I am not sure how to feel about it!

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Bones.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? 

We've established I both hate and love my fics – I usually have fond memories but can recognize changes I'd make to them these days. Even picking five was difficult, and I'm sure I'd swap one for another. (say it's here was a hard cut.)

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it

don't want you to go but I'll be okay

still you never took your hand from mine

nobody knows how to get back home

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

I think mostly everyone has been tagged in one of these, I think? But if you haven't, and feel like answering this questions, ✨ consider yourself tagged ✨ 💜

[the-doodle-nerd]

Yeah, I always assumed Connie was early to mid twenties as of the most recent albums.

Time to show my work. In License to Drive, I believe Eugene mentions being in college for 7 years, which would put him at around 19-20 years old since he graduated high-school at 12 unless he took a gap year, which is unlikely, it's Eugene. Connie was teaching Eugene and she already had her license which probably places her at 16. 14.5 at the absolute earliest if she got a restricted license in one of the states that offers that, but I think that's unlikely, but that's the minimum. I'm gonna go with the traditional 16 to get her license since Buck got his license as soon as legally possible, which was on his 16th birthday.

So, Connie is around 3-4 years younger than Eugene. We also know Buck's dad, Cash Oliver, indirectly met Eugene right before Buck was born. He lived with the Burnette's from the time he was 8-18. And from Cash's description, it sounded like he was still fairly young. Maybe 10-14? (Seeing as Eugene moved when he was 12 I'm guessing that's around the time they were in the same general area as Harlanville but this is just wild speculation.) So, Eugene was approximately 10-14 by my best guess, when he ran into Cash, and Buck is 16, that would place him at 26-30, which also lines up with Katrina pointing out that they both were not 25 when they started dating but the way she phrases it makes it sound like they are currently at least 25, but most likely older. With Connie being 3-4 years younger, this should place her at around 21-27.

My personal headcanon is that Eugene is 28 and Connie is 25. This answer is way more involved than I thought it was going to be.

AiO Thought of the Week

Age is truly just a foreign concept in Odyssey and there are no true answers but here are my headcannons:

Katrina is older than Eugene from somewhere to a few months upto a year and a half.

Eugene was 17-18 when he was hired at Whit’s End but is widely assumed to be older because of his voice and academic level but he 100% looked his age.

The writers said on the official pod Jay's age is a dependent variable. So I think when Jay is hanging out with Zoey, Buddy, or any of the other middle schoolers he is 13/14. With the rare exception, Jay is otherwise 17 however his appearance is still skued toward the 13/14.(this might be because of his height but that's a different headcannon) These numbers only apply to album 58 and beyond before that he is younger and is more consistent in age.

Jason is in his 40s.

Connie still hasn't quite reached her 30s but is almost there. I know she's still earning her degree but if Eugene is any indication 10yrs is not an unreasonable amount of time for a degree from CCCC. Plus I think she's swapped majors like 3 times.

Eugene and Katrina are very early 30s

Whit despite being born in 1925/26 is an ageless being of perpetual Eldersness and is therefore older than anyone in a given room and yet, still possess the ability to out-manuver the authorities both physically and mentally

Jack and Wilson are also ageless beings but not on Whit's level.

Tom lived just out of town and so aged normally, I guess. I have no evidence but I feel like he was born in 1931.

Bernard despite being one of the original "old men that make up Connie’s friend group" is good decade or so younger than Tom and Whit, still way older than Connie though.

[waynes-multiverse]

Plastic Hearts – Series Masterlist

Pairing: Director!Dean Winchester x Actress!Reader

Series Summary: Los Angeles, 1985. Y/N’s a young actress without any success, hopping from one failed audition to the next until one desperate mistake brings her to her breaking point. Dean Winchester, on the other hand, is a grade A asshole and washed-up director at the end of his career, known for his godawful slasher movies in the 70s and his love for blow, booze, and women. Lost in the toxic Hollywood life, their paths cross when one hopeless little wrestling show changes their trajectory.

Series Warnings: +18!!!, strong language, 80s Hollywood/wrestling AU, mature themes (incl. cheating, miscarriage, abortion, addiction, the casting couch…), sexism/feminism, self-worth issues, dom!director meets sub!actress vibes, humiliation/degradation à la La-La Land, plenty of praise kinks to go ‘round, slow burn, age-gap, one-sided pining, eventual smut but implied throughout, inappropriate jokes & the darkest humor, a lot of wrestling and leotards

A/N: Oh, you guys will hate me for ever creating this series... How do I elevator-pitch this? Dean’s the only cock in a coop full of hens, trying to keep order where chaos reigns. He’s also a sadistic train wreck (*coughs* demon!Dean 😈) and a fucking eccentric genius with a big heart. Convinced yet? Alright... Ooooh, every chapter is also titled after an 80s song and it’s based on the Netflix series GLOW!

So, c’mon, slide into the Impala with me, and let’s take a wild drive on the 101! 😎🤘

Please read the warnings carefully since this series includes a lot of triggering/controversial themes that I will drag through the gutter. Scroll past if it’s not for you. Thank you!

Main Masterlist || Questions?

1. Holding Out For A Hero 2. Livin’ On A Prayer 3. Separate Ways 4. Every Rose Has Its Thorn 5. Welcome To The Jungle 6. Pour Some Sugar On Me 7. Another Brick In The Wall 8. Hot For Teacher 9. Hungry Like The Wolf 10. The Boys Of Summer 11. Glory Days 12. The Warrior 13. Gimme All Your Lovin’ 14. Can’t Fight This Feeling 15. Sweet Child O’ Mine 16. Things Can Only Get Better 17. Voulez-Vous 18. I Hate Myself For Loving You 19. Hit Me With Your Best Shot 20. Don’t You Want Me 21. Rock You Like A Hurricane 22. Girls, Girls, Girls 23. Every Breath You Take 24. Don’t Dream It’s Over 25. Dare

|| SERIES COMPLETE ||

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 706: Kinaka Tsugunao

Pag 1

1: You

2: The “promise” you said you made with those two

3: I'll crash it

4: I can't think of him as “Rokudai the beginner” anymore

Pag 2

4: To be able to keep my victory, I'll have to think of him as “Rokudai”

5: “The wall”!!

Pag 3

1: Kinaka raised his pace!!

He started to pedal seriously!!

Pag 4

1: Bring it on!! Rokudai

2: Teeh!!

Pag 5

2: You kept up!?

3: Okay okay!! Not bad, are you

Nice, Rokudai

You're out of breathm but that was quite something

5: Then, in this case....

6: Let's move on to the next

How about this!!

7: Next!?

8: Tsugunao's deathly

Pag 6

1: Straight road!!*

(*ndT.: he makes a pun here with his name Tsugunao and the word for “straight” which is “massugu” - he says “matsugunao”)

Pag 8

1: My acceleration makes me go straigh ahead!!

The kick from my wild legs makes me climb up any climb as if it's nothing!!

2: The one who saw this during races said that it's like

3: A kick fight among the kings of Australia

Like Kangaroo's legs!!

4: My nickname is “Straigthroo”!!

This is my real....

Pag 9

1: Fight style!!

2: Kinaka accelerated again!!

Ngh, ngh...!!

Rokudai is falling behind!!

3: Kakaka

That's a super impressing acceleration!!

His legs weren't just to show after all!!

4: He's probably betting seriously for the frst time in this race

Pag 10

1: Before the race

2: He was the only one whose eye color was different

Judging from appearances, thick legs are common in sprinters, but not always

He practiced the same amount on climbs too

3: Right now, the one who's dominating the race and controling it to his advantage is

Pag 11

1: Kinaka!!

4: But Rokudai-kun is sticking to him

5: He's slowly getting closer to him!!

6:  Nice....! Nice, Rokudai

That's the spirit....

7: This race....

Pag 12

1: is getting exciting!!

2: Straight-

Pag 13

1: Kinaka is raising his pace again!!

2: -roo!!

Woah.... Rokudai-kun....

3: is falling behind again!!

7: There are....

Pag 14

1: 1.5km left until the peak!!

3: The peak is so close....

1400m left....

4: 1300m!!

Pag 15

2: Since I was little, I've often been picked on

3: My legs were thick

4: My hairstyle was weird

5: I was too nervous

6: Every time I'd get through it smiling, but I still felt horrible and rejected

7: I just wanted to do normal things and spend a fun time with friends normally

8: One day, I saw one of my neighbour fixing a bike

Pag 16

1: That Onii-san asked me if I was interested in bikes

Since he had a small bike he used to ride when he was little, he asked me if I wanted to try riding it and gave it to me

3: It was so fun! On that vehicle that steadily moved forward, my hear danced

4: He cared about me

He pointed at my thick legs

5: Those legs

If you ride a bike, they'll become a weapon

6: and he said so

Pag 17

1: I fell completely in love with bicycles

That Onii-san gave me advices and we even raced against each other

2: “I'll turn them into weapons”, I thought, and I ran

3: But

4: After a year or so

5: Onii-chan moved

6: I thanked him one last time, and

7: When... when I'll go to high school.... I'll work hard to enter a big race

So please, come see it

I told him so

Pag 18

1: Yeah

I'll come see you

He said so, and smiled

3: Onii-san was the only person older than me that didn't make me nervous

5: Rokudai, everyone has a reason why they have to win

This first years' race, and the regulars jersey

Pag 19

1: Are mine!!

2: I'll win!!

3: Definitely!!

4: Chase me, Rokudai

The gap between us isn't closed yet!!

Pag 20

1: What's up, Rokudai!!

You can't do tis anymore!?

2: He's hanging his head!!

It.... it looks like he's having a hard time!!

Even though he worked so hard to keep up until now!!

4: …... no

5: I've been in a similar situation during the race two years ago, so I know

6: I think that Rokudai's eyes

7: aren't dead yet!!

[kohanayaki]

.:Time And Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 1

Old habits die hard— and so do feelings, apparently. Relive moments high and low from your life with the Marauders and co. as you tell your godson, Harry, about all the mischief you got up to back in your school days. Takes place mainly in the Marauders era but also has content congruent with the Order of the Phoenix timeline, with some cannon divergence, of course~

- Main pairings: Sirius Black x Reader, Severus Snape x Reader, James Potter x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, slight Regulus Black x Reader, and a bunch of friendships! Gender neutral pronouns :)

LINKS:   CH 1   CH 2   CH 3   CH 4   CH 5   CH 6   CH 7   CH 8

____________________________________________________________

Ch 1 .:Memories And First Meetings:.

12 Grimmauld Place was cold.

Not in the temperature sense of the word, especially in the heat of London summer, but something about it felt distant. Perhaps it was the cookie cutter exterior, dreadfully drab, although you knew its true nature was anything but. Despite its grandeur, the interior was as ornate as it was dull and unsaturated, like a black and white photograph in all its monochromatic glory. Maybe it was the fact that you knew what had happened here in the past, or the fact that you knew who was waiting here for you in the present.

You felt the strange sensation of stepping through the thick blanket of protection charms surrounding the house, as if your body were moving through molasses for a fraction of a second. The moment you were fully inside, you began to hear the hushed bits of a conversation echoing through the entrance hall from the dining room whose door was slightly ajar. The words became clearer as you neared the door.

“Harry's not ready! Have you gone completely mad?”

You found yourself grinning at the first voice, Molly Weasley's stern tone unmistakable.

“He's not a child, Molly.”

You froze as you heard the second one; you'd know it anywhere.

A heavy wave of emotion surged through you as you got near enough to the entrance to see the face of Sirius Black through the gap in the door. His time in Azkaban had taken a toll on him, you could tell. Heavy bags hung from his face, his cheeks hollow; although his gray eyes still held that spark in them. His hair was longer, somehow even more wild and unruly than before, but it suited him.

“Well he's not an adult either! He's not James.”

You caught a flash of ginger as Molly crossed the room, using her wand to aggressively clear away the plates on the table as she made her point.

“I know he isn't, but he can handle himself,” Sirius said, “and I'll be there to protect him.”

“How touching, Black. Perhaps the boy will grow up to be a felon just like his godfather.”

Your stomach dropped at the third voice. Shit.

Your presence remained unannounced, but as you peaked your head around the corner of the door frame you were met with Severus' stoic face, an imperceptible crease of distaste in his brow as he regarded Sirius. As your view widened you saw that Lupin sat to his left, a human wall between the two former foes.

You stilled at the door, taking a deep breath in an attempt to settle your irrationally rioting nerves. It's not as if you didn't know they would be there, but it had been so long since you'd seen any of them. So much has changed. . .

“You stay out of this, Snivelus. I don't care what Dumbledore has to say about your supposed reformation, but I know better.”

“Don't you have to go play fetch elsewhere?”

“Oh come on, you two,” Remus sighed.

Well, maybe not much has changed after all. 

“Still resorting to playground bickering, are we?”

Several heads snapped in your direction at your words, and you were met with various reactions. Molly's face immediately split into a smile and she rushed around to table to greet you.

“(Y/n), dear! So nice to see you again,” she pulled you into a surprisingly strong hug and you couldn't help but join in her laughter.

“It's good to be back,” you admitted, “Charlie says hello, by the way.”

“Oh, I'm going to give give that boy a talking to,” Molly huffed, “you aren't his owl, dear. The least he could do is write home and say so himself.”

“Romanian mountain ranges keep a wizard busy,” you grinned, “He says he tries to keep in touch.”

“Sending home a bag of petrified dragon scales with a note that says 'look at this!!' is hardly keeping in touch,” she retorted, fussing about with your jacket's collar that had become wrinkled from her embrace.

Even from across the table you could feel Sirius' eyes on you, grateful that you had Molly's whirlwind greeting as a scapegoat for your flushed face.

“(Y/n). . .” he said softly, getting up from his seat.

“Hey,” you smiled, fighting the lump in your throat as he wrapped his arms around you. He was so warm, still wearing that damn leather jacket he'd somehow been reunited with after his imprisonment.

“What are you doing here? They told me you were out working in America,” Sirius said, eyes twinkling as he held you at arm's length.

“Well, I suppose I'm sort of working everywhere these days,” you said. As his words registered in your brain you turned to Molly with narrowed eyes. “You didn't tell him I was coming?”

“I thought it would be a nice surprise,” she said coyly.

You shook your head, turning back to Sirius.

“I'm so sorry, Molly said I could stay here so I thought she already ran it by you—”

“No, no, of course you can stay!” he said enthusiastically, “I'm glad you're here.”

He seemed gentler than he was before, certainly more mellow than in his youth, but that energy that was so quintessentially him remained buzzing beneath his skin, and Merlin, you'd missed it.

After realizing how long the two of you had spent practically holding each other you coughed awkwardly, slowly drifting apart. As you looked around the table your eyes caught Severus' and you thought your heart stopped for a moment. To the untrained eye he probably seemed just as uninterested as ever, but the look of shock in his eyes was so blatantly apparent to you that it threw you off guard. You managed to cast a small smile in his direction, but his expression remained unchanged while yours dropped. You felt your stomach twist up in knots as you thought about what had happened the last time you saw each other.

Lupin looked between the pair of you before getting up from his own seat and coming to your rescue. He extended his arms with a kind smile, and you happily shifted your attention to him.

“It's about time London had its best auror back in town,” he said.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Moony,” you said playfully, hugging him tight, “It's good to see you too.”

“Are you hungry?” Molly asked, pulling a chair out for you.

“Oh no, I had something on the way here,” you said, taking a seat, “thank you, though.”

It felt surreal to be back here, where it all started. The faces were different—some new, some missing—but the same determined feeling remained.

“Now, where were we,” Sirius said, his confidence returning to his shoulders as he addressed the table.

“We were just talking about how Harry isn't ready to be tangled up in all this,” Molly said sternly.

“I think he should decide that for himself,” Sirius said adamantly.

“Well of course the boy would say he wants to fight, he's—”

“Listening in right now,” you pointed out, jutting your head in the direction of the open door where Harry stood, half obscured by the shadow of the stairway.

The boy flushed, backing away slightly as he was caught. But his eyes lit up as they landed on you, and you felt a tug at your heart as you saw your best friend in their bright green hues.

“(Y/n), you're back,” he said in disbelief.

“And here to stay for a bit, apparently,” you said with a smile.

Molly looked between the two of you before letting out a sigh.

“You know what, we should stop for the night anyways,” she said with a wave of her hand, “We've kept the children up long enough with our chatter, and (Y/n) ought to get some rest as well. Off to bed, the lot of you.”

Some of the other adults exchanged some knowing smiles as she shooed them out of the room. People slowly trickled out through the doorway, goodbyes exchanged, and before long it was just you and your godson left.

You had been lucky enough to meet Harry at the end of his third year, and he'd broken the news about Sirius' innocence to you. You so badly wanted to be there for Harry sooner, but between your strained relationship with the Ministry and cleaning up the mess with MACUSA in the States, you always seemed to be called away from the boy. You wanted nothing more than to take him away from that horrid house—you knew how nasty Petunia could be firsthand. Nonetheless, he seemed to be doing well, and you were happy that you'd grown closer over the last few years even if you couldn't be there in person all the time.

“I've got another little souvenir for you, by the way,” you said, having migrated to the living room.

Harry seemed to perk up at that. Since your visits had been so sparse, you began to make it a tradition to bring him back something magical from whatever part of the world you'd been working in.

“You mentioned you were struggling in Potions the last time we spoke,” you said, rummaging through your bag, eventually producing a small, gold-rimmed vial full of a deep maroon liquid. Small black clouds seemed to tumble in a miniature cyclone inside the glass.

“Dragon's breath essence,” you grinned, “nicked it off of Charlie before I left Romania. Put a few drops of this in your salamander blood the next time you brew a Wiggenweld potion and you're set to pass with flying colors.”

“Brilliant!” Harry said, eyes wide, “that's on our O.W.L.S. this year.”

“I know,” you said cheekily, “you didn't hear it from me. Personally, I think an Outstanding in Potions as a requirement to become an auror is utter rubbish. Don't get me wrong, it's important to know your way around a cauldron, but to hold someone back who excels at Defense Against the Dark Arts and Charms just because they can't cook up a sleeping draught? I don't know, it doesn't sit right with me. And I've heard Severus is hard enough on you guys as it is.”

Harry seemed surprised at your casual address of his professor but shook it off quickly.

“But you're ace at Potions, and it seems like you really like it,” he said.

“Yeah, well I—” you faltered a bit, “I learned from the best. . .”

“Professor Slughorn, you mean?” Harry questioned.

Your eyes widened at that.

“Yeah,” you lied, recovering fast, “Well, Slughorn was a great teacher but terrible at throwing parties. He had this thing called the Slug Club and the dinners were just awful. Your mother was the first of us to join and she ended up roping me into it, and before we knew it we were all standing around in these ridiculous outfits taking swigs of the firewhiskey your dad snuck in just to get through the night.”

You smiled fondly at the memory, and you could see Harry living vicariously through the emotions on your face. You were grateful for this moment; this was the longest you'd actually gotten to sit down and talk together in a long time.

“Were you always friends?” Harry asked, “with my parents, I mean.”

You had to laugh at that question.

“With your mum, yes. Your father, well, not exactly. . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1971    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your body swayed gently with the movement of the Hogwarts Express as you walked up and down the isles, looking for someplace to sit. Most of the carriages were packed tight with large groups made up of upperclassmen not exactly looking to expand their circle.

As you approached the back of the train a mostly empty car caught your eye, occupied only by two children your age, or at least that's what you guessed from their black ties and basic robes that marked them as unsorted first-years like yourself.

One of them was a brooding looking boy with messy, shoulder length black hair and shockingly pale skin, leaning against the wall of the train and halfway through a book that seemed well beyond his years. Sitting across from him was a pretty red-headed girl who was admiring the rapidly passing scenery through the window.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit with you?” you asked, sliding the screen door open.

The boy's brow furrowed, clearly about refuse when the young girl beat him to it.

“Of course not!” she beamed, her smile infectious. You didn't miss the sharp look she shot over to the boy who simply rolled his eyes in response. After you muttered a small 'thanks' she scooted over closer to the window so you could sit next to her.

“My name is Lily,” she said, extending a hand, “Lily Evans.”

“Nice to meet you,” you smiled, “I'm (Y/n) (L/n).”

The boy quirked a brow at your last name, his expression shifting to something unreadable as he blatantly studied you over the spine of his book. After letting this go on for some time, you glanced over at Lily.

“Does he speak?”

“Perfectly well, thank you,” the boy said coldly.

Lily sent a disappointed look his way and his heart fell slightly, but he didn't need to be friends with anyone else, and he certainly didn't want other people becoming friends with Lily either. An irrational thought, he knew, but it was how his stubborn little brain worked at the time. They didn't need anyone but each other. Wasn't that enough?

In any case, he expected his behavior would be enough to scare you off (it usually worked on other people), but to his complete and utter surprise, you began to laugh. It started off as a light giggle, soon growing into full on laughter. He stared at you in open confusion as you were nearly brought to tears from your fit.

“You're funny,” you stated honestly, managing to speak through your chortles.

The boy was taken completely aback by your candor, actually at a loss for words. Lily joined in the laughter at your simple remark.

“So you do talk, I guess you must have a name too, then,” you said teasingly.

He blinked once. Twice.

“. . . Severus Snape.”

“That's a cool name.”

The heat that crept onto the boy's face surprised no one more than himself, and he buried himself in his book quickly to hide it. Another surprisingly frank statement from you, and not one he'd ever heard before.

If he thought you were full of surprises then, he had no idea what was coming to him.

_____________________________________________________________

The minute the Sorting Hat was placed on your head, it was immediately intrigued.

“Now here's an odd one,” it chuckled, “loyal, compassionate, empathetic, and yet a razor wit. A calculating, ambitious mind, and yet a relentless sense of adventure. All this, and with your bloodline to take into account as well. Your family has quite the history here, (L/n).”

Hushed whispers fell across the Great Hall among the older students and even some of the faculty at the hat's words, and you shifted uncomfortably in your seat.

“Though, I sense a different sort of mentality in you,” the hat continued, “you desire to challenge the old ways,” it paused for some time before going on, “do you truly have no preference, child?”

You were surprised at the question. You knew your family's reputation— it had been ingrained in you from a young age— but that didn't sway you, nor did it scare you. When you really thought about what house you wanted to be in, you truly couldn't think of an answer. It wouldn't change who you were, after all. Whether you donned red, yellow, blue, or green, you stood firmly in the knowledge that you would always be (Y/n) (L/n). Having made up your mind, you shook your head at the hat's question, and although its face was obscured from your view, you could almost sense its grin as it knew you were telling the truth.

“Well then,” it chuckled, “It is truly rare that I get an opportunity such as this. Let's make it interesting, then, shall we? Better be. . . Slytherin!”

Snape sat, slack-jawed, as you bounded over to the applauding Slytherin table and plopped down next to him. You rested your chin atop your folded hands, looking largely unbothered, a glint in your (e/c) eyes. He chuckled under his breath despite himself.

Full of surprises indeed.

___________________________________________________________

Your first encounter with James Potter was of a different sort.

It was the very beginning of your third year when you'd first met him properly. You had a few classes together, and Lily would rant about him constantly pestering her; occasionally you'd see the Gryffindor, along with another unfamiliar boy in his house, sprinting through the corridors, Professor McGonagall not far behind and demanding them to stop. But other than that, you'd never really interacted with him.

Ever since you'd met on the train you and Lily started to hang out more and more, with Snape “begrudgingly” tagging along. The Slytherin had been slow to warm up to you, but you were relentlessly kind and infuriatingly persistent, and eventually he found himself enjoying your little quips and comparatively sunny disposition. By the end of your first year, the three of you were nearly inseparable, and your bond only strengthened throughout your second. But third year is when things started changing.

Snape sat in the shade among the thick, overgrown roots of the old oak tree by the Black Lake, nose deep in an advanced Potions textbook he'd swiped from a fifth year as he waited for you and Lily to return from Transfiguration, the only class you didn't have together. This became your usual spot, with Lily sitting in the grass beside him and you on the branch above him, legs swinging as you absentmindedly sketched in your notebook. A comfortable silence would settle between you, something you'd all grown to enjoy; there was no need for constant conversation, it was enough sometimes to just enjoy each others' presence.

The silence he was reveling in alone, however, was promptly interrupted as rowdy laughter reached Snape's ears. Sure enough, a few figures emerged from the curve of the hill, revealing none other than James Potter, flanked by the curly haired boy he'd been seen running around with earlier along with two other Gryffindors: a short-statured boy with dirty blonde hair and another, taller and leaner, with long scars that ran along his face.

Snape didn't pay them much mind until he realized that they were heading straight for the tree— straight for him. Snape had noticed right away how the Potter boy had tried to befriend Lily as soon as she was sorted into Gryffindor, and it was safe to say he was less than fond of him despite having never really spoken to him before.

“You've got to be joking,” James snickered as he walked up to the tree, looking Snape up and down, “This is the guy Evans has been ditching us to see?”

Severus' eyes narrowed. So now he had a reason not to like him.

“Get lost,” he said, turning back to his book.

“What, you think you're too good to talk to us, huh?” James scoffed at him, clearly miffed.

As if on cue, the curly haired boy snatched the book out of Snape's hands, holding it out of his reach as he fumbled to get it back.

“Toss it, Sirius!” James called out. The boy, who he now knew as Sirius, threw the textbook like a frisbee, and Potter caught it easily.

As Snape angrily rose from his seat to get it back, the two boys continued to throw it between themselves so he couldn't grab it. Fed up, the Slytherin drew his wand but was quickly outmatched.

“Expelliarmus!”

Snape's wand flew out of his hands and straight into Sirius', who held it above his head. Just as the black haired boy jumped up for it, another spell flew towards him, this time from James.

“Winguardium Leviosa!”

Snape grit his teeth, staring helplessly at his wand as it hovered higher and higher out of his reach.

“James, come on, I think that's enough,” the taller boy near the back said.

“Don't be a bore, Remus, we're just having some fun.”

“I-I think he's right, guys.”

“Shut up, Peter.”

While his gaze was trained on his wand a harsh shove threw Snape to the ground, tears of frustration welling up in his eyes.

“No way, is he really crying?” James taunted.

“He is,” Sirius goaded on, “just look at him snivel.”

“You're right, maybe we should call him Snivelus, it suits him better.”

“Nice one, James.”

Snape winced as he was harshly pulled to his feet by James who sneered at him.

“Come on then, Snivelous. What are you gonna do?”

“Relashio!”

James' eyes widened as he suddenly felt himself repulsed back by some invisible force, his grip on Snape's robes forced to loosen as he was flung backwards. You stared the shocked Gryffindors down, wand at the ready for another spell as you ran to stand between Severus and them.

“Accio!” another voice called out, Snape's book and wand whizzing past their faces and into Lily's hands.

James staggered to his feet, trying to look unbothered by the fact that he'd just been knocked down, and by a spell that he hadn't even heard of yet.

“Look at that, boys,” he said, feigning confidence, “guess Snivelus needs a couple of girls to come to his rescue. You should ditch this loser, Evans.”

Before Lily could lash back, you stepped between them.

“What's that supposed to mean?” you scoffed.

“I'm sorry, who are you?”

You felt your forehead twitch, itching to smack that smug grin off his face.

It was Sirius who spoke next, recognition filling his gaze.

“Wait, you're the (L/n) kid, aren't you? Well that's just perfect, you two freaks can go study the Unforgivable Curses together.”

That struck a nerve in you.

“You don't know anything,” you said, not lowering your wand, “now get out of here before I knock you down too.”

“Aw, I don't know, Sirius, they're kind of cute all flustered like this,” James smirked.

You felt anger flare up in your chest, and it was Lily's turn to step in for you.

“Leave us alone, James,” she ordered.

When none of them moved you exhaled sharply, taking another step forward.

“Or I can just turn you into a flobberworm instead,” you said, “might be more fitting.”

Sirius laughed off your threat, but you could have sworn you saw a twinge of concern in his eyes as he looked over to the rest of his friends for backup.

“Let's just go, James. Come on,” the one named Remus said, trying to be the voice of reason.

The bespectacled boy frowned, shoving his wand back in his robes.

“Fine,” he said, “they aren't worth it anyways.”

He turned promptly on his heels, Sirius right behind him and Peter scampering after. Remus stayed behind for a moment, regarding you three.

“I'm sorry about them,” he said, “really.”

Your brow creased in suspicion, but you nodded, not quite smiling but offering up a neutral expression at least before he turned to catch up with the rest of his group.

“You were kidding about (L/n) being cute, right?” Sirius said as they headed back to the common room. When he was met with silence instead of a clear 'of course I was' he nearly had a stroke.

“Are you kidding, James?” Sirius said incredulously, “They're a Slytherin! They're just another dark arts dabbler who doesn't care about anything but their blood status.”

James only shrugged.

“Normally I'd agree, but they seem different,” he said. When he turned to see Sirius' unwavering expression he sighed, “I was just saying that to get a rise out of 'em. Don't worry, this won't be the last time we mess with them and Snivelus.”

Meanwhile, you were still out sitting by the tree, brushing the grass out of Severus' hair.

“That was amazing, (Y/n),” Lily said, wide-eyed, “How did you manage to learn that spell? And you already learned the worm-morphing jinx too?”

“Sev isn't the only one who's been learning ahead,” you said, “but that worm thing was a total bluff.”

“I didn't need your help,” Snape muttered.

You blinked down at him, shaking your head and unable to fight the smirk that crept onto your face.

“Sure you didn't,” you huffed, helping him up to his feet despite his protests, “don't be so dramatic, we won't tell anyone if that's what you're so worried about. Now come on, we're gonna be late for dinner. If Wilkes hogs all the Yorkshire puddings I'm blaming you entirely.”

Severus said nothing, only taking his book and wand back from Lily before you three walked back to the castle arm in arm, the smallest hint of a smile playing on his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It seems like so long ago,” you said, reminiscing, “Although I suppose it was, but I don't want to think about that too hard— I'll start to feel old, Merlin forbid.”

Harry's eyes were full of disbelief at your story.

“So you, my mum, and. . . Snape were friends?”

“Believe it or not,” you grinned, “unlikely trio as we were, it just sort of worked somehow.”

Until it didn't, you thought grimly, but forced the thought aside. You could tell by how quiet Harry had gotten that something was bothering him.

“My dad really did that?” he asked quietly.

Your gaze softened and you turned to fully face him.

“He was dumb and immature at the time,” you said, “we all were. There's not much else to be when you're thirteen. Each of us made plenty of mistakes, too many to count. And your mum. . . she was good for him. He always told me that she made him want to be a better person. People can change. In my opinion, there are few things someone can do that makes them truly irredeemable, and your father never came close to doing any of those things.”

You thought it better to mention that Snape probably didn't feel the same way.

“In any case, we should be getting to bed,” you said, getting up from the couch, “if you ever want to hear any other stories about your parents, I've got plenty of them.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, smile brightening his whole face, “yeah, definitely. Thank you.”

As Harry walked off to his room you sighed, making your way as quietly as you could up the creaky stairs. Just as you were about to retreat into your own guest room, your eyes snagged on the slightly ajar door at the top of the stairwell.

You stalled in front of it for a moment, wondering if you were out of your mind or not. When you had unapologetically settled on 'yes', you moved to knock on the door when it suddenly swung open. You practically leaped back at the proximity as you were met with Sirius standing in the doorway, stormy eyes wide. He'd shed his leather jacket for the night, leaving him in a dark maroon button up with the top few undone. Your senses were draped with the heady scent of his cologne, and you found yourself grasping at words to say.

When Sirius got over his initial shock he laughed sheepishly, running a hand through his curls out of habit.

“I was about to see if you were awake,” he admitted with a small grin, “Seems we both had the same idea.”

Read chapter 2 here !

[helliontherapscallion]

Recovery? (Adrenaline Junkie Part 5)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: PTSD, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, swearing, mentions of death/injury, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation (marked so you can skip if it’s a major trigger for you), self harm (also marked), phantom pain syndrome

Word count: 3,722

Disclaimer: I have not experienced PTSD, sleep paralysis, hallucinations, or phantom pain syndrome, so I’m sorry if they aren’t portrayed correctly 

When a wild bird can’t fly, it’s defenseless. It feels trapped even if it can still walk away. It feels alone even if it’s surrounded by other birds. If a bird loses the ability to fly, a piece of it is missing. A piece of itself. Something that it values as something unique to it and only it. It loses most mental stimulation and becomes numb until it can feel freedom again.

It’s been about two months since you respawned and you honestly felt so restless. You wanted to fly through the sky again, feeling the air move freely between your feathers. You wanted to weave in and out of the clouds. You wanted to feel something other than fear. When you’re not scared, you don't feel anything. You missed skydiving. You wanted, no, you craved the feeling of adrenaline flowing along every little nook and cranny in your cardiovascular system.

You found out that you get flashbacks whenever you see someone or something hulky and covered in a dark green color. You still haven’t told your family about this, you thought that it was something silly to be afraid of. You tried your hardest to avoid Philza the most; he always wore his favorite color with pride. You still haven’t apologized for screaming death threats at him when you were going through an episode.

You only had one other major hallucinogenic episode since the first one, but it wasn’t as bad as the first one.

You woke up in the middle of the night with the moonlight beaming through your window illuminating the silhouette of The Warden standing in the corner of your room. You willed yourself to open your mouth to scream for your brothers, but you couldn’t move. You could only watch it. 

The telltale glowing drool fell from the corners of its wide mouth, mixing with the blood dripping off from its long claws. Its chest rhythmically glowed as the things writhing in it managed to squeeze through the small gaps between the bony confines of its ribs. The white wisps flew around your room freely, bouncing off your walls with thuds and eventually settling to float in front of your face.

You watched with wide eyes as their permanently gaping mouths struggled to form words. Somehow, you could see desperation in their empty eye sockets. A flurry of whispers met your ears, but you couldn’t make out anything they were saying. It was too jumbled. 

You heard The Warden slowly drag its feet along your carpet over to your bed. The wisps started to thrash about and scream as it reached out and scooped them all up easily with a single swipe of a hand. It shoved them into its mouth and they reappeared behind the confines of its ribcage, the screaming getting louder and more distorted as they got swallowed. Multiple voices were shrieking with agony and anguish as The Warden turned its attention towards you. It bent over and hovered its face over yours as its drool and drops of blood started to drip onto your cheeks. You felt its rancid breath fan over you. It had hints of iron and rot.

Your mind was screaming at your body to move away, but you couldn’t. You didn’t have control anymore. Your breathing picked up as you felt your heart beat out of your chest. It just hovered over you doing nothing, like it was enjoying seeing your fearful eyes. Like it enjoyed the feeling of having complete power over you.

Your breath caught in your throat as it got closer to you, its mouth getting dangerously close to engulfing your entire head. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried with all your might to move any part of your body. After a while, your head slightly moved to the side. Gradually, you worked your way up to moving your head fully to the side. You felt all your muscles activate at once as you shot up from your bed with a strangled gasp. 

You frantically flattened your body against the wall, reaching a shaking hand between the wall and mattress to grab the iron dagger you hid there. Holding it defensively in front of you, you scanned the room. There was not a single thing out of place. Everything was just as you left it before you went to bed.

You covered your mouth as sobs threatened to burst from your chest like the wisps in The Warden’s. You brought your knees up to your chest and buried your head in them. You didn’t sleep for a few days after that.

Other than the major episodes, your imagination placed The Warden everywhere you looked. You saw The Warden whenever Philza walked past you. You saw glimpses of it whenever you looked into the woods at night. You saw it behind you in the mirror reaching for your other wing. Sometimes, you thought you could hear the screams of the wisps in the distance.

Your entire family was constantly hovering over you; you always had at least one of the boys with you at all times. They wouldn’t let you out of the house. 

Out of all of your family, Wilbur was probably the lesser of the evils. He didn’t judge you or question you, he just let you do your own thing. He would softly pluck the strings on his guitar and sing to you while you would lay on his bed. Those moments were one of the only moments where you would fully let your guard down and relax. 

Hangouts with Techno were also pleasant, but he hasn’t looked you in the eyes since he helped you during your first episode. That was the only downside to it though; he would give you some of his mythology books to read or read them to you. His voice always soothed you as a kid. Sometimes, he would give you a hug when he saw that it was a rough day for you.

Tommy’s hang outs were kept to a minimal, the family didn’t trust him much because they thought his rambunctious and extrovert personality would overwhelm you. You were alone with him only twice out of the last two months. Usually, you both would lay on his bed and just talk about his life with the jukebox running softly in the background playing the discs that you and Philza gifted him during his first birthday with the family. He tried to get you to open up to him, but you always deflected. He shouldn’t know how fucked up you were, you vowed to protect him when Philza first brought him home. You would always protect your little brother, even if it was from yourself.

Before the incident, you would’ve killed to get more alone time with your father. But now, you tried to avoid Philza at all costs. You couldn’t help but see The Warden whenever you saw his tall form, green clothes, and large wings. When you had to hang out with him however, you wouldn’t look at him. You two would usually go to chop down trees or cook dinner together. 

You felt incredibly guilty that you still haven’t apologized to him for everything you’ve put him through. Whenever you brought yourself to glance at him, he was always looking at you heartbroken. You knew that the outcomes of your first death gave the entire family some form of trauma, but you saw that it hit your dad harder than the others. You did threaten to kill him in graphic ways and you did hit him in your panicked stupor. You really needed to apologize for that. You probably should tell him about your silly little fear of green. You were going to wait until he was in his pajamas to apologize; they usually didn’t have much green.

You loved your family of course, but you were always the type of person to require some alone time to function, even before the incident. You felt incredibly drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. It took you a tremendous amount of effort to get out of bed in the mornings. You didn’t see any meaning in life anymore. Everything was gray and the only thing you actually felt was fear, so you didn’t see any point in getting up. The only reason you left your bed was because your brothers would coax you out. Everyday was monotonous. 

*************************SUICIDAL IDEATION/SELF HARM*****************************

Your mind was always coming up with intrusive thoughts about killing yourself. When you did the dishes, you always imagined yourself gliding blades vertically along your wrists and just letting the blood pool out and mix with the dishwater. When you cooked breakfast, you would imagine placing your hand inside the burning flame of the stove. When you were staring out of the window at night looking for The Warden, you would imagine yourself disappearing into the woods to look for a creeper to blow you up. When you passed the potion chest, you imagined chugging poison so you could feel something before you died. Whenever you used an ore during crafting, you always thought about going back to the cave so you could be put out of your misery again. It did a damn good job at killing you the first time. Who knows, maybe The Warden would be merciful this time. The most common thought was finding a tall cliff or mountain and jumping off to finally feel the wind between your feathers and the adrenaline running through you for the last time. You daydreamed about that last one a lot.

The little scrapes you got on the little tasks given to you by your family gave you a smidge of pain. A smidge of feeling other than numbness or suffocating fear. So, in a desparate attempt to feel something, you started to cut yourself You have a dagger hidden in your room that your family didn’t know about and you constantly wore a long sleeved cloak to hide your wing so you could easily hide the cuts. It would give you some light in the dark abyss that was your current mental state. 

Sometimes, you would make small cuts on your wrists and thighs when everything was too overwhelming, but the relief it gave you wouldn’t last throughout the day. You were scared to cut deeper. You didn’t want to deal with infection or smuggling healing potions underneath your family’s noses. You would probably get caught and they’d take away the very little freedom and control you had in your life.

**********************SUICIDAL IDEATION/SELF HARM OVER*************************

You grunted in discomfort as you chopped some wood with Philza behind your house. It was a bad day for the phantom pains in your absent wing, you felt shooting pain and itchiness along where it was supposed to be all day long. You heard him pause his actions and walk over to you. When he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, you squeezed your eyes shut as you remembered the way he grabbed you the day you respawned.

“Are you alright hun?”

Shrugging off his hand, you continued to chop lumber. “I’m fine Dad.”

“Are you sure? You looked like you were in pain.”

You sighed, “It’s… it’s just a bad day for the pain.”

“Where does it hurt? I can go grab you a potion.” 

He sounded like he always did when he talked to you, concerned. You wanted to be treated like a normal person again. You didn’t like it when your family walked on eggshells around you constantly, it made you feel like a stranger in your own home.

“My right wing hurts. And potions don’t help, I’ve tried that. There’s nothing you can do.”

He paused for a second. You imagined him furrowing his brows and tilting his head lightly to the side as he contemplated what you said. It was the first time you opened up to him about anything. “...Your wing still feels things?”

You grunted as you swung the axe down onto the log, “Yeah, it feels things sometimes. It’s mostly a shooting pain or an itching sensation where I don’t have a wing. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m learning to live with it.”

“How long has this been happening?”

Your mind flashed back to the conversation you two had a year ago. “Since I lost it.”

“Why don’t we turn in for the night? The sun is starting to set and we’ve got enough wood to last us a week.”

You silently nodded and bent over to pick up the logs you chopped. Grabbing as much as your arms could hold, you put the planks into the chest next to the back door. Turning around to grab more, you jumped back when your eyes met with Philza’s chest. His hand was outstretched towards you. You hugged your body as you looked away from him. 

“(Y/n), you’re not okay. Please just let me help you.”

“...I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”

“You haven’t spoken to anyone about your emotions, bottling it up isn’t good hun.”

“That’s because I don’t have anything to talk about.”

He sighed, “Why don’t we get your brothers to cook dinner so we can have a little chat. Meet me in your room.”

Wordlessly, you walked back into the house and straight up to your room. Sitting on the bed, you put your head in your hands as you waited for the inevitable vulnerability. After a couple of minutes, you heard a gentle knock on your door. It opened to reveal your dad smiling at you.

Glancing back at your hands, you slipped your hand under the sleeve of your cloak to pinch the skin so you could try to ignore him when he walked over to sit next to you. You turned your head away from him. 

You felt the mattress shift under his weight when he sat next to you. You felt his breath tickle the top of your head as he spoke to you, “please, talk to me.”

“I’ve already told you, there’s nothing to talk about Dad.”

“...You’ve been seeing The Warden whenever you look at me, haven’t you?” He sounded so broken. It must be hard to have your own child avoid you because you reminded them of their murderer. 

You were quiet for a few moments while you battled against the tears that threatened to leak from your eyes. Swallowing thickly, you shakily said, “I’m sorry Dad, I’m so sorry. I-I see it when I see you. I see it everywhere.”

“Hey,” he gently said, “it’s alright. Nothing’s your fault, you can’t control it. Is there anything… specific that reminds you of it?”

“...Yeah, I see it vividly when I see something tall and… and dark green. I can’t help but to see it when I see you.”

He felt his heart sink. He always wore green, no matter the day. He was basically torturing his child just by being around them. God, what kind of father was he if he didn’t realize that sooner? He felt like a failure. 

You spewed reassurances at him when you heard his breath hitch. “Dad, it’s not your fault, you didn’t know about it. It’s just a stupid fear and it’s my fault for not getting over it. I-I’ll do better. I can-”

“Stop. Nothing is your fault and it’s certainly not stupid. You’re traumatized, (y/n), you’re traumatized and it’s nobody’s fault except The Warden’s,” it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. “Would you feel more comfortable if I changed clothes?”

“You- you don’t have to. I don’t want you to change anything because of me.”

“(Y/n), I’m your father. I’ll do anything if it means you feel better, I want to help you get better. Changing what I wear isn’t a big deal. I’ll be right back.”

“You really don’t have to, Dad.”

“Nonsense, I’m going to go change. It’s really not a big deal.”

He stood up and speed walked out your door. You felt awful, he was changing because of you. Because you were scared of a fucking color. You needed to get a grip. You were weak. 

The door opened again to reveal Philza dressed in an old white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. His wardrobe was very limited when it came to colors other than green; it was strange seeing him in anything but green. You felt a little more at ease around him, but you still couldn’t look him in the eye. You still felt guilty.

Sitting next to you again, he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “It’s been a while since I’ve worn these, I uh forgot how comfy they are.”

You two sat in an awkward silence. It was obvious that he was lying to you about liking them. He was shifting his wings around uncomfortably and shifting on the mattress. With wings, it was hard to find fabric that didn’t irritate the base of the wing. The base of the wings were more sensitive than any other body part.

“You’re lying.”

“Lying? About what hun?”

“About being comfortable. They’re irritating your wings aren’t they? This is why you shouldn’t change anything about yourself for me, I just screw things up for everyone.”

“No you don’t-”

“Yes I do, Dad. Let’s be honest here, I’m a complete fuck up. I mess up everything I’m near. I messed up the family. Everything’s different because of me.”

He moved to kneel in front of you, placing both his hands firmly on your shoulders.

“Look at me, (y/n).”

When you didn’t make any move to look up from your tightly clasped hands, he gingerly moved your chin up and put his hand back on your shoulder. His face was stern and his blue eyes were blazing. Oh god, you really fucked up didn’t you? You knew you shouldn’t have told him anything.

“You are not a fuck up. Do you hear me? You. Are. Not. A. Fuck up.”

“But-”

“Ah,” he sharply chided, “I’m not done. You aren’t a fuck up. You couldn’t control what happened to you. You didn’t know that you’d die when you went into that cave. You didn’t know that you’d lose a limb. You didn’t mess up the family, you could never, ever, do that… (Y/n), change was bound to happen sooner or later. Everything changes, that’s just how life works. Even if we didn’t want change, it’s inevitable.”

He could tell from your bloodshot eyes and wobbling chin that you were about to cry, it was always your tell as a child. In that instance, he saw you as the kid that came running to him after you scraped your knee. An innocent kid that always saw the good in the world. He pulled you into his chest and gently wrapped his wings around you, humming the song he would sing to you when you had a nightmare as a child.

“It’s alright, hun, let it out.”

You finally broke, throwing your arms around him and sobbing into his chest. Your body shook with muffled sobs as you released all the pent up emotion you’ve been deprived of in the last two months. It felt nice to talk to your dad again, to be close to him again. For the first time in two months, you felt completely safe. Your dad will always protect you. 

“It’s been so hard Dad,” you blubbered out. “I don’t know what to do. I’m broken, Dad. I can’t be fixed. I feel so empty.”

“Hun, no. You can be fixed, it just takes time. We’re here for you. Me, Technoblade, Wilbur, and Tommy. We’re always going to be here for you no matter what. We’ll help you.”

You fell silent as your body convulsed with silent sobs. You two sat there for what seemed like hours before you finally ran out of tears. You pulled back from him and wiped at your snotty nose.

“I never apologized for what I said to you two months ago. I-I shouldn’t have said any of those things. It hurt you in ways that I’ll probably never understand, and… I’m sorry Dad.”

“(Y/n), you don’t have to apologize. You were scared and you were trying to protect your brothers. That was really brave of you to do, I’m proud of you.”

You threw yourself at him again in a tight, one-winged hug. He chuckled as he hugged you back.

“…Thank you Dad, for everything.”

“Anything for you,” he glanced at the clock you made on your wall. “It’s almost dinner time, let’s go see if your brothers burnt down the kitchen.”

You genuinely smiled at that, remembering the last time your brother cooked together. It was a couple of years ago when you and Philza were coming back from visiting a nearby village. Philza thought it was a spectacular idea to give your brothers the task of cooking dinner. That day, you two came home to a fire engulfing the entire stove and your brothers arguing about whose fault it was. Since then, they weren’t allowed to cook together.

“That’s a good idea, remember the last time they cooked together?”

He chuckled. “Don’t remind me, I nearly pulled out all my feathers cuz of the stress it gave me. I think it even gave me a few gray hairs.”

You snorted. “Well, they’re quiet. Too quiet. We need to go down there before they burn down the house.”

He kissed your hair before you stood up and started to walk to the kitchen. He followed suit, throwing an arm over your shoulders and pulling you into his side. Surprisingly, they didn’t burn down the kitchen. Instead, they actually cooked dinner well. Some of it was burnt, but to their credit, they hadn’t cooked together in a while.

At the dinner table, you felt like you were part of the family again. You laughed with your brothers when Philza scolded them for something they said. You felt like there was a giant weight lifted off from your shoulders. Of course, you were still traumatized and had other issues you had to work out, but now you knew you had your family to help you through it. You wouldn’t ask for anything different.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @m1lkmandan  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam  @bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @lestrangenymph  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @sparkling-gayyyy  @angelic-scent  @shinipii  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #202

(Woof, we were almost a day late. Sorry about that, just got a second job. The first one at Facebook isn't working out that great. Anyway!)

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're getting a little bit beastly with the help of Atalante (Alter)! Move fast, hit hard, and outlast anyone who gets in your way. She's a Beast Barbarian for some beastly armaments and extra mobility, plus a Brute Fighter to hit harder and last longer.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: They say every mentor learns from his students. This next servant really took that lesson to heart.

Race and Background

This Atalante is still a Shifter, but thanks to that beast's hide she's wearing, she's now a Beasthide Shifter, giving her +1 Strength and +2 Constitution (Thanks, Tasha!) She also gets Darkvision, Keen Senses for Perception proficiency, and a Toughness that gives her proficiency with Athletics. The big purpose of the class, however, is Shifting. You can transform into a fuzzier version of yourself for up to a minute once per short rest. Because you're a beasthide, your shift is a bit tougher than most; you gain 1d6+your level+ your constitution modifier temporary hit points, and your AC goes up by 1.

You're also still an Outlander, giving you Survival proficiency to live off of hydras. You would normally get athletics too, but you've got that already, so grab Persuasion instead. You're able to keep Yagas together, that's no small feat.

Ability Scores

You might be a wild animal now, but your speed is still your greatest asset, so your Dexterity should still be pretty high. Second highest now is your Constitution, that hide you've got on is really tough. And distracting, I mean you look like a goddamn Power Rangers villain. You kill things with your bare hands, so your Strength has to be up to snuff too. Your Wisdom is also above average, the Yaga seem to like you fine. This means your Intelligence isn't that great- you're not Chiron's star pupil this time. Finally, dump Charisma. You're a terrible liar, and you're hard to get along with.

Class Levels

Barbarian 1: Starting off as a barbarian makes your AC even better, thanks to Unarmored Defense. Now you can add your constitution and your dexterity modifiers to your AC while unarmored. (I know you technically get armor later, but it completely avoids your vital organs, so I'm not counting it.) You also get Rage, spending a bonus action to make you stronger (advantage on strength saves & checks), tougher (resistance to physical damage) and more brutal (bonus damage from strength-based attacks). Oh right, you also get proficiencies. Strength and Constitution saves, plus Intimidation and Nature skills. You're a scary wild animal, yes you are, yes you are!

Fighter 1: You still need weapons though, and rather than wait for two levels for your subclass, we'll go into Fighter right now for an Unarmed Fighting Style. You can punch people for 1d6 damage (1d8 if you have two hands free), and you can deal damage to grappled creatures if you start your turn holding onto them. You also get a Second Wind, healing yourself as a bonus action.

Barbarian 2: Second level barbs can make Reckless Attacks; you get advantage, your enemies get advantage, everyone wins! Except your enemies, because they'll all be dead before they get a turn. You also get a Danger Sense that gives you advantage on dexterity saves. You're still kind of a cat, I guess.

Barbarian 3: Third level barbarians set down a primal path, and the path of the Beast is for those who want to rip and tear, until the job is done. Right now you get a Form of the Beast when you rage, giving you one of three natural weapons. You can bite, dealing 1d8 piercing damage and regaining HP once per turn if you're bloodied. Otherwise, you can use your Claws to deal 1d6 slashing damage, and you get one extra attack with them per turn. The last one's less in character, but you can still grow a Tail if you want, dealing 1d8 piercing damage on attack, and you can use your reaction to apply a d8 to your AC against an attack that hit you. You also get Primal Knowledge in another barbarian skill. Pick up Animal Handling, it might help with the Yaga.

Barbarian 4: Bump up your Strength for better fighting. Real simple.

Barbarian 5: Fifth level barbs get an Extra Attack each attack action, as well as Fast Movement giving you an extra 10' of speed each turn. Turns out, you're fast! Who knew!

Barbarian 6: Sixth level beastbarians find their Bestial Soul, making their rage weapons magical against resistances. Whenever you finish a rest, you can also Self Evolve in one of three ways. You can gain a swiming speed and breathe underwater, a climbing speed that negates the need for climbing checks, or you can add an Athletics check to your jump distance once per turn. Normally, you can make an 8 foot long jump without runnig. Now you can jump a distance between 15' and 34'. It's a pretty good jump boost. The jump is the most in-character, but feel free to evolve whatever you need for the situation.

Barbarian 7: Seventh level barbarians grow even faster, with their Feral Instincts giving them advantage on initiative rolls, and you can ignore a surprise round by raging. Which you'd probably do anyway, so just roll with it. Speaking of raging, when you do so, you can make an Instinctive Pounce to move half your speed as part of the bonus action. You're not as fast as your archer self, but this'll help close the gap.

Fighter 2: Yep, we've got enough primal stuff, time to make it hurt. Bouncing back to fighter now gets you an Action Surge. Once per short rest, you can add an extra action to your turn, no strings attached. Use this to attack and you can hit people four times per turn, or five times with your claws!

Fighter 3: Third level fighters get their martial archetype, and becoming a Brute makes you a bit more heavy-handed. Your Brute Force lets you add a d4 to every damage roll you make with your weapons, and the die grows as you level up. This means your teeth are now arguably as strong as a greatsword.

Fighter 4: Another ASI! Bump up your Strength.

Fighter 5: Unfortunately, the fifth level of fighter gets you absolutely nothing. Extra attack doesn't stack like that. :(

Fighter 6: Use this ASI to grab the Mobile feat, for extra movement and the ability to shut down the attacks of opportunity from anyone you tried to hit this turn. Getting hit is for slow people.

Fighter 7: Seventh level brutes get Brutish Durability, adding a d6 to every save they make, up to and including death saves. If this brings a death save to a total of 20 or higher, you automatically pop back up with 1 HP. Barbarians tend to make the most death saves out of any party member, might as well be good at it.

Fighter 8: Another ASI! Grab the Martial Adept feat for a superiority die (1d6) that you can use to perform one of two Battle Master Maneuvers once per short rest. A big part of this build is adaptability, so the final say in what maneuvers you get is up to you. That being said, I highly recommend Ambush for a boost to stealth and initiative rolls, or Maneuvering Attack for even more mobility. It adds damage to your attack, and you can let one friendly creature (including you) move half its speed without provoking opportunity attacks from the target.

Fighter 9: Now that you're Indomitable, you can re-roll a failed saving throw once per long rest. I know berserkers are glass cannons in FGO, but that's just how they flavor their easily tricked nature, really they're hard as hell to fight, even if you've got fireballs and shit.

Fighter 10: Tenth level brutes get a bigger Brute Force die, now you add 1d6 to every attack, so your hands are as powerful as a greatsword. You also get an Additional Fighting Style, so grab Superior Technique for a second superiority die per rest and a third maneuver of your choice.

Fighter 11: Eleventh level fighters get another Extra Attack, and this one does stack, so you can attack up to 6 times per turn, or 7 with your claws and your action surge.

Fighter 12: Use your last ASI to become Resilient to Dexterity saves. You get +1 dexterity, and proficiency with that kind of save. So yeah, you now have advantage, proficiency, and an extra 1d6 against that fireball. Good luck, spellcasters.

Fighter 13: Our capstone level is a second use of Indomitable per day. Not the flashiest way to end a build, but at least you're not a sorcerer.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

When you want to hurt someone, they really hurt. With four claw attacks and three unarmed attacks, all boosted by rage, maneuvers, and brute force, you can deal 3d8+13d6+42. And those are all with advantage, so you've got a good chance of dealing a crit. Even without that chance, you can still deal over 100 damage in a single turn with average rolls.

You've also got plenty of Mobility to stay on top of your prey, with a base movement of 50' per turn and the ability to jump an absolute minimum of 20', or you can swap in other kinds of movement if you're going to the sea or a cliff face. You've also got several ways to pour more speed in if you need it. You won't be able to win a race against your archer self, but you'll definitely make her work for it.

Your saves are ridiculous, especially your physical ones. You've got proficiency in all three, good scores, an additional 1d6, and your strength and dexterity saves probably have advantage. If people try to get through your hide, they'll find your skin is just as tough, with an AC of 16-17, damage resistance, almost 200 HP, and plenty of ways to heal yourself.

Cons:

If you can't catch up to a person, your range means you're screwed. Your best weapons are all melee range, and you'll just end up chasing them around like a fool. (Technically you can just... pick up a bow and use it, you're a fighter after all, but we're playing to character.)

Despite your save shenanigans, your low charisma means you still might end up getting shunted to another dimension. That would explain how you got to the lostbelt, though....

We spent a whole feat and fighting style on those superiority dice, and to be honest they're probably not worth the effort. Bumping up your strength and picking up the Mariner style would be just as useful, if less customizable.

[junkworldusa]

belated book asks, thank you for indulging me!

1- What book are you currently reading? bros karamazov, 2/3s through atm.

i hate that i’m thinking about pathologic (video game) the entire time but i can't help it. the way characters are constantly bursting into people's houses & going "you’re an angel, you're the best person i've ever met, you're a saint" to someone they just met 5 minutes ago is so. distinct. i joked on twitter that the first half of the book is just alyosha running around completing sidequests, which i still think is true, but once i got to the grand inquisitor part i was like "Okay mr dostoevsky, you’ve got me."

2- What book did you recently finish? "selections from science & sanity" by alfred korzybski, recently featured in the gumby quotes. a while back i listened to a 6 hour long interview with robert anton wilson where he talks about korzybski & general semantics so i gave it a shot. it's an abridged version of a 900 page book & i definitely plan on reading the full work at some point, it's wild. if you’re interested in language, consciousness, the gap between words & meaning, and/or hacking your brain i would recommend it. he repeats himself a lot but that's a side effect of his pedagogy, the goal of which is the eventual re-wiring of your entire nervous system in order to achieve a more rational worldview/healthier reactions to things. (so repetition via words/sounds/actions is necessary 2 engage the organism-as-a-whole.) the most important takeaway for me is that everything & everyone you interact with is a completely unique object, and this necessarily extends to temporality-- Bob in 1999 is NOT the same person as Bob in 2010, and treating them as though they were is a harmful mistake. interestingly enough, im taking a class with J.F. martel (weird studies podcast, author of "reclaiming art in the age of artifice") & last night he said what amounts to exactly the same thing, except he was arguing for like, a soft animism (i-thou vs. i- it) & korzybski was arguing for a more "rational" & secular world. so fascinating.

3- What’s a book that’s been on your to-read list for a long time? ulysses. i know. i know. i have a copy but keep bouncing off of it. idk why, i liked portrait of the artist as a young man. i think i’m worried i’ll turn into this person:

4- What’s the next book you’re hoping to read? i just got "speech play: research & resources for the study of linguistic creativity" in the mail so probably that. i'm on a childlore kick rn & this is like... horizontally related 5- Is there a book you own, but aren’t planning on reading?

around 2 years ago i was walking home after a show high on E & i ran into a guy i had met at work a couple times. went over to his apartment because MDMA is like, "everything is SO meaningful and SO much fun." i barely remember our conversation but he ended up being like "you would like this book, here take it, i have 3 copies." so i now own a copy of "the eater of darkness" by robert m coates. i still haven't read it. the moral of this story is [???]

6- What was your favorite series as a kid? Would you still read it now? so many of you asked this question :P

THE TRUTH: i was obsessed with lotr from age 8 to 13 with a level of dedication that i've never known since. yes, i would still read it now. i reread the silmarillion last year & it was naturally a way more rewarding experience than when i was a kid! 8- Fantasy or sci-fi? i like & have read a lot of older sf/f (le guin asimov pkd etc etc) but im not actively into either nowadays. i read whatever reaches me from the queer sf/f twitter pipeline (like whatever's on wizards vs lesbians) but otherwise dont pay much attention. so the answer is "idk!!!”

12- Have you ever read a celebrity memoir? If so, whose was it? the only memoir i've read in recent years has been "memories, dreams, reflections" so if jung counts as a celebrity, there you go 14- Fiction or non-fiction? non-fiction in both quantity of books owned & what i prefer reading. i almost view them as 2 separate activities bc the motivation for & experience of reading them are so wildly different 15- Favorite fiction genre? i know i said im not "actively into" sci fi but 16- Favorite non-fiction genre? "philosophy" i guess. i also really love any phenomenological/experience-based studies of paranormal stuff, like "the terror that comes in the night" by david hufford or anything by jacques vallée. basically books that both a) take strange experiences seriously & b) examine/catalogue them scientifically (to whatever degree). 

22- How do you organize your books? “poorly” 26- What’s your favorite book? fav non-fiction book: “time loops” by eric wargo. what if freud's career-making "irma dream" was a premonitory dream about the oral cancer that would severely impede his quality of life in his old age? (fantastic blog entry by the author, serves as a kind of intro to this topic: http://thenightshirt.com/?p=4326 )

when i read “time loops” it felt like everything i had ever read (& will ever read future tense) was for the sole purpose of understanding it. “time loops” picks up where J.W. dunne's 1927 "an experiment with time" left off. i won't say too much more about it but everyone should read it. it's so smart & engaging & will totally blow your miiiind, maaaan speaking of "an experiment with time," in 1964 a guy named vladimir nabokov began an experiment of his own following the directions dunne laid out in his book. dunne encouraged readers to write down their dreams in order to test the theory that a later event could generate an earlier dream.

nabokov’s experiment with dreams & time strongly influenced “ada or ardor: a family chronicle” which happens to be my favorite novel. i first read it when i was 18, and i've reread it 3 times since then (with the help of ada online, my beloved http://www.ada.auckland.ac.nz/ ) i would not recommend this book to anyone who doesn’t already like nabokov & know what he’s about. it’s fucked up & self indulgent & i love it so much

30- What character do you connect with the most? when jung said he was bad at math? i felt that

[n7punk]

Knifepoint Extra #3: Death counts

I just thought this would be interesting to track, so here’s the first deaths of the immortals in Knifepoint (obviously, spoilers for who is immortal and the plot) and all their deaths throughout the fic. I swear I tried to keep really good track of this, but one or two might have slipped through my fingers. This is at least the minimum number of deaths in the fic.

By character:

Adora: 1) Gunshot at 21 (CH1). 2) Stab wound from Shadow Weaver (CH2). 3) Self-inflicted gunshot (CH2). 4) Poisoning (CH3). 4) Self-poisoning after gunshot. 5) Poisoning from Catra (CH6). 6) Self-poisoning after self-injury (offscreen) (CH7). 7) Gunshot (offscreen) (CH7). 8) Gunshot (offscreen) (CH7). 9) Gunshot from Catra (CH7). 10) Poisoning from Catra (CH8). 11) Poisoning from Catra (CH10).

Catra: 1) Stab wound from Shadow Weaver at 22 (CH6). 2) Self-inflicted gunshot (CH7). 3) Self-poisoning (CH9). 4) Self-poisoning (CH10). 5) Gunshot (CH12).

Glimmer: First death: Hit-and-run at age 17, 4 years before the fic. She is still wilding out in the “I’m immortal look what I can do” phase. 1) Gunshot (offscreen) (1 of 4) (CH8).

Mermista: First death: Burned at the stake for being a witch. She and Sea Hawk found each other nearly a century later, but they had met in passing at docks when he was little and she was a teenager. 1) Self-poisoning after gunshot (CH7). 2) Suicide bomb (CH14).

Sea Hawk: First death: A sea monster attacked his ship (supposedly) and everyone subsequently drowned. He woke up below deck in the last ship he sailed on and had to quickly explain how he wasn’t a stowaway. He was a sailor for his entire life and met Mermista when they both joined the same ship. He admitted his immortality to her first, and she just responded “Same.” 1) Gunshot (offscreen) (1 of 4) (CH8).

Perfuma: First death: Police violence at a peaceful Vietnam war protest. She didn’t realize she was immortal at first. She woke up back in her bed and thought the police took her back to her shitty apartment to cover their tracks after knocking her out. She never saw her wounds before she passed out, so she just assumed it wasn’t as bad as she thought. Two years later, she dies for the second time after being harassed on the street. It was terrifying, and she watched herself get stabbed that time. Waking back up in her bed was jarring. 1) Self-poisoning after gunshot (offscreen) (CH4).

Entrapta: First death: Starvation in the late 2000s. She never gives further details than that, but her family became homeless and then starved during the recession. She starved a few more times over the next five years (or dehydrated, not having the ability to nor seeing the point in caring for herself when she would be “fine” afterwards, even if the regen gap was annoying) until she met Perfuma and Perfuma was like “holy shit someone needs to take care of you” and took Entrapta under her wing. No deaths.

Scorpia: First death: Gunshot during a job at age 21, 4 years before the start of the fic. 1) Gunshot (offscreen) (1 of 4) (CH8).

Frosta: First death: Cancer at age 13 a decade before the fic. She is still coming to terms with being a tween for eternity. As she should be, that fucking sucks. 1) Gunshot (offscreen) (1 of 4) (CH8). 2) Gunshot (CH11).

Bow: 1) Gunshot at 22 (CH11).

Angella: First death: Sickness induced by environmental lead poisoning around 200 BCE.

Death counts by chapter (everyone combined):

Chapter 01: 1. Chapter 02: 2. Chapter 03: 1.

Chapter 04: 0. Chapter 05: 2. Chapter 06: 2.

Chapter 07: 6. Chapter 08: 5. Chapter 09: 1.

Chapter 10: 2. Chapter 11: 2. Chapter 12: 1.

Chapter 13: 0. Chapter 14: 1.

Total deaths: 26.

[shadowed-dancer]

My Thoughts on the New MHA Opening and Ending

I have thoughts, and I will share them because oh boy if I don’t get this out I’m gonna explode

Vague Spoilers for the manga (up to chapter 258 and vigilantes) because I discuss the upcoming arcs, but I don’t discuss any major plot points in detail. Still, proceed with caution if you’re anime only

Keep in mind, this OP and ED will cover the Endeavour Agency Arc and the MVA Arc, so I will be judging them accordingly.

First, the OP

This is a good OP... in theory (that’s going to become my catchphrase for this post). It’s nice to look at and flows pretty well, but my biggest problem is that it doesn’t do it’s job. An OP is supposed to be a sort of... summary (?) of the Cour it plays for. That means any cool plot points, emotional beats, and important characters should be featured in some way, shape, or form. We’ll talk about that more later, but first let’s discuss the music.

The song is really good. I have a feeling it will continue to grow on me as I listen to it more often, but yeah my first impression is that the song sounds great. My only complaint about the music itself is that it ends kind of abruptly (I noticed this is the JT opening too). The previous openings used to have a bit of instrumental to “play us out” and lead us to the end card, but this one feels like it ends very suddenly and unnaturally.

As for the visuals...

Yeah alright I’ll admit, the visuals are stunning... in theory. I appreciate the variety in backgrounds and colours, it makes the OP really interesting to look at. This was actually one of my biggest problems with the JT Opening, it all took place on the training grounds, so there was no variety (everything was metal tubes with a blue sky, with only 3 shots set somewhere different). I appreciate the style of this OP.

But like I said, that’s only in theory, as in, through screenshots these are all pleasing to look at. The pacing of this OP is wild, and I truly don’t know who to blame for this.

That sunset shot above? It lasts approximately 12 seconds, zooming in every few to make it seem like something is happening (when in reality it’s still the same poses, angles, etc). While there’s nothing wrong with a nice, drawn out shot, it becomes irritating when compared to the pacing of the rest of this op.

At the 41 second mark, we are given the shot above. It has flowed directly from the previous sunset scene. We still have not moved away from the image of the trio (aside from the opening shot and the title card) yet we’re approaching the halfway mark of the OP.

The next shot is the MLA, which lasts about 5 seconds. Ok, perfect. Not too long, but also not short enough to be confusing. It cuts away a little fast once the dude on the far left appears, but does anyone actually know who that is? No, seriously, I’m asking. I don’t remember his name and he’s not on the wiki, so I can only assume he’s not important. Therefore, it’s not all that bad if the shot cuts away shortly after he comes into frame. The audience is able to take in the scene without having to pause...

... And then the problems start

While this shot is fine in theory, it pans up fast and  cuts away quickly. You know how hard it was for me to get this screenshot? Really hard. You want to know why I struggled so much? Because, due to the timing of the cut and the way it pans upwards, it’s almost impossible to pause on Dabi’s face. I literally had to go frame by frame to get it, because he’s in shot for so little time that naturally pausing is guaranteed to miss him.

When watching this in real time (without pausing) the cut away makes you feel as if you missed something because “something was there, I just couldn’t register what because now it’s gone”. Unlike Compress, who wears a very colourful coat you can recognize the entire time, Dabi’s pants are more blended into the background.

It also doesn’t help that this shot is literally composed to draw your attention away from Dabi until the last possible second. Due to framing, your eye is naturally drawn to the brightly coloured Toga in the foreground, making it super easy to miss Dabi in the back (until, of course, his bright face appears and contrasts against the background, drawing your eye just in time for the scene to change, leaving you to wonder who or what you missed).

I know this sounds like nitpicking, but this shot is the only group shot we get of the League, and is also the start of a seriously weird trend for the villains in this OP getting the short end of the stick.

Anyways, then we get what I’ll call “The Carousel Shot” in which every Class 1A kid shows up and poses dramatically, as if they were on a carousel. It’s a lovely sequence and I really enjoy watching it but... why is it in this OP?

Seriously, this is a genuine question. Class 1A barely shows up in the Endeavour Agency Arc, and NONE of the students are in MVA. This sequence (not counting the three boys at the end) lasts 8 seconds. Why is this much time dedicated to characters who are barely in the arc? (Unless Studio Bones extends their work studies into fuller plot lines which oh my gosh please don’t do that, or if they do, do it quick).

We then get what I call the “Oh God I Blinked And Missed Everything” sequence, which lasts 3 seconds (not including the longer, moving shot of Shigaraki at the end) and features NINE INDIVIDUAL IMAGES, none of which are related to each other. Not only is this 3 images per second, but the fact that they are all unrelated means you can’t even use previous information to fill in the blanks.

What do I mean by that? Well, imagine if I show you 9 images of various pro heroes posing. If I play that in 3 seconds you’ll absolutely miss some of them, but as long as you catch some you’ll still get an idea of what I’m trying to show to you. Your brain is able to fill in the gaps that “I recognized 4 pro heroes, therefore the rest must have also been pros” even if you didn’t register every single frame.

That doesn’t work if every frame features a completely different subject. The shots in this sequence vary so widely that it’s impossible to find a through line. Some feature multiple characters, some feature one, some are closeups, some are super far away, some are character’s we know, others are characters we don’t. It’s impossible to get a solid read on what you’re being shown.

Now, again, there’s nothing wrong with these super quick shots... in theory. The problem comes from the fact that these shots are the only indicators for some of the major themes that will be explored during this Cour (like Twice’s growth and young Shigaraki).

That being said, let’s move away from criticism and talk about speculation, because hidden amongst this sequence are two... interesting images.

This All Might one is very reminiscent of the shot in Chapter 257, where Aizawa and All Might have a conversation while staring up at the stars. However, this is technically the start of the “War Arc” (or the “prologue”, if that’s what you want to call it), so this might indicate that we’re going to get farther into the series than a lot of us guessed.

(Many people suspected we’d get to that cliffhanger at the start of the season (if you read the manga you know the one), but after seeing the pacing for JT a lot of us assumed we’d be lucky to even finish Endeavour Agency. It seems we’re back to the cliffhanger now though lol). 

This is another really interesting shot because it’s indicative of Shirakumo, meaning we might get to see Aizawa and Mic confront him some time this Cour (this also makes sense, since this confrontation technically happens before that All Might scene I mentioned in the previous paragraph).

But the cat specifically is a really strange addition. That cat is named Sushi and, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Sushi is ever mentioned in the main series. I think he’s only in Vigilantes.

This might just be a little Easter Egg for Vigilante readers, but I’m personally hoping that they’ll add at least a few Vigilante shots in there to really tug at the heart strings. I’d say I want a whole Vigilante episode but I don’t think they have the time (unless they really cram MVA, which I do NOT want).

I don’t have much to say about the last bit of the OP. The action shot between the 3 boys was nice, and it follows the sort of narrative through line they established from the early shot of them sitting at the sunset. I also like the shot of Endeavour fading in to replace All Might, even if it’s very simple.

But I want to talk about an overarching problem I touched upon earlier in that villain shot: the way the villains are handled in this OP.

This is a good OP... in theory. The problem is, it doesn’t represent half the arcs in the cour! Every shot of the League is so rushed that you can barely register that they were on screen before they’re gone.

I have no idea how many Episodes Endeavour Agency will take, but I’d assume 3 (4 if you count the Christmas episode). 12 episodes for this Cour minus 3 for Endeavour Agency = 9 episodes left. If we truly do get the prologue for the War Arc (and if we assume it’s only 1 episode) that leaves us with 8 villains episodes.

8/12 episodes (aka two thirds of the Cour) will likely be about the villains. And yet they’re pushed to the background so hard in this OP.

I want to dream, and I want to believe that this OP is going to magically change when MVA starts. The song fits super well, and I can imagine like an inversion of the OP but from the Villain side! Wouldn’t that be neat? Imagine right after the “it’s alright” part Shigaraki just freaking decays the title card... oh man that would be so cool. But, alas, I highly doubt they’d do that.

Side rant, but you know what was so fun about MVA in the manga? It’s that, for 21 chapters, we leave the kids behind and the villains become our protagonists. Suddenly Shigaraki is the one we’re rooting for, suddenly we’re learning backstories for everyone, and suddenly we find ourselves just as attached to the villains as we are to the kids. It’s an inversion that’s SO RARE to find, and I think many people (myself included) were hoping it would be reflected in the OP.

A big part of being the protagonist means featuring heavily in the OP, and a lot of us just wanted the villains to get that honour, even if only once. As is, the OP still treats them as the antagonists when... really they aren’t. Not right now, at least.

So yeah, final thoughts on the OP are that it’s good, it’s just not very representative of the arcs it’s supposed to cover. If this was just for Endeavour Agency, I’d say it’s actually really cool, but if we assume that this is what will play for the Villain Arc, then it simply doesn’t do it’s job. And it makes me sad to say that because, again, this OP is really well done.

If I had to rate it? Hmmm

If Studio Bones actually grants my wish and creates a different visual for the Villain Arc (while using the same song) and then this version only plays for the Endeavour Agency Arc and the War Prologue? I’d give it an 8/10. It’s really good, but it could use a few more elements that are clearly derived from the Agency Arc (ahem, Todoroki siblings).

But if this is the OP that will play for the entire Cour? a 6.5/10. It’s nice, but it’s not representative of one of the arcs it’s going to cover. And, unlike other arcs like Pro Hero or Summer Exams, the villain Arc is so important and takes up so much time that it honestly feels like a bit of a disservice.

Now for the Ending

I want to say that I appreciate how soft this ending starts. This cour will likely feature a lot of episodes that end on... heavier themes, and I think the sight of peaceful, falling raindrops is the perfect way to let the audience process their emotions before starting the ending in earnest.

The song itself is very nice, and I like that it’s a bit slower than the more recent endings.

(Side note, but the FUNNIEST moment in the entire series is when Sir Nighteye dies because it’s so emotional and everyone is standing around his bed in his heartwrentching silence, only for the ending to come BLARING IN out of no where. If you forgot how jarringly hilarious it was, go listen to the Eri ending and tell me that’s not the funniest thing this series ever did. Anyways yeah I’m glad that’s not gonna happen this Cour).

This ending is a bit all over the place in terms of it’s visuals, but honestly I think it works. Most endings usually have a theme tying them together (all the Class 1A girls, a fantasy AU, old photographs, planning a party, etc) but this ending’s theme is a bit harder to identify.

That being said, I think it’s just supposed to show everyone going about their day. It’s calm, it’s peaceful, and it’s just very sweet to think about

I like this shot. Actually, scratch that, I like this whole sequence. I enjoy anything that allows Class 1A to chill and have fun.

Hawks is featured quite heavily in this ending which, fair. He’s pretty important in this arc.

I really love the shot where Endeavour immediately switches to Hawks, I thought that was a lot of fun, and very good symbolism on how Hawks wants to be like Endeavour. I also love all the shots of Baby Hawks, because it’s adorable.

Something about this shot is just so cute. It’s the little domestic things like waiting for a bus that make this ending feel... idk the word, real? It shows a side of the characters that we’ll never see in the episodes, but we know have to exist.

Like yes, of course the kids have to wait for the bus. We never see it, but of course there are those moments of quiet. Agh, I love it.

The villains also make an appearance and I’m very happy about that (I’d love to see more of the villains just chilling around, I think they deserve it). I kind of wish they weren’t sitting in a dark room for the sake of being edgy, since I think it would be nice to see the villains just... sort of existing, but honestly it’s still a nice shot. I also like how this shot sort of mirrors the first one with Class 1A (someone coming in while everyone else is sitting and waiting for them).

That being said, as much as I love looking at Dabi and his stupid face (affectionate)... why is Dabi the one getting the closeup?

Mind you, endings don’t need to be connected to their Cours (they can be, like the Eri one, but they don’t have to be). But this ending does seem to be connected to the arcs it intends to cover, given all the Hawks appearances, the boys wearing their work study scarves, etc.

So, I ask again, why Dabi? Out of the six League members, we learn the backstory for four of them in this arc (Shigaraki, Toga, Twice, and we very briefly learn about Spinner). The only two left out are Dabi and Compress.

I can only assume they chose Dabi because he’s constantly in contact with Hawks, and therefore that makes him important? If the OP told us anything, it’s that Bones values the Endeavour Agency Arc over the Villain Arc lol...

... Oh my gosh please tell me that’s not actually the reason Dabi is focused on here BONES WAI-

Anyways, the ending comes to a close with Hawks watching over the kids and Endeavour. The relaxing time is done, it’s time for work studies.

Overall impression? It’s great. It’s hard to screw up an ending, so as long as you have something pretty on screen, it’s wonderful.

I’ll give this a 9/10

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2022: Round 13 - Hungary

Alrighty, here we go again. I think I’m halfway through the season now? (as in, the races that had Seb, soz Bahrain & Saudi). Anyway, I don’t remember much from this race bc I was still reeling from Seb’s retirement but I’m pretty sure Verstappen won so... woo

(Please let there be Seb and Bono sightings to make up for it 🤞)

I’ve actually had to mute the replay when the intro’s on bc I’ve heard it so much at this point 😭 Like the F1 theme is fine, it’s just not The Chain

I am obviously still watching the intro, bc Seb looks pretty in it

I’m sorry what... GEORGE IS ON POLE???

????????

how tf did he drag the W13 into pole????

ugh Seb in P18 whyyyyyyy 😭

Red Bull’s in 10th and 11th?????? What happened during Quali?????

Right hopefully I’ll process all that before the start

oh god there’s raindrops on the cameras.

Starting this at quarter to eleven at night is looking like A Mistake™️

[Formation Lap]: And the RBRs are going off the grid like snails because????

Oh they’re running new power units. Should mean that they should be running like snails, but anyway

TEEEEEEEEEEED (Yes, I watch all the replays on F1 TV in the International feed for Ted crumbs)

[Start/Lap 1]: Russell gets a surprisingly good start considering how long he was sat on the grid while the tail end cars lined up.

The Ferraris are looking zoomy though

rip Albon’s front wing endplate

[Lap 2]: and a wild VSC appears

oof debris all over turns 2/3. lads.

Lewis jumping both Alpine’s at the start?? iconique

[Lap 3]: aaaaand we’re green

Seb up into P16!!!! I’ll take it!!!

So, how are Ferrari going to mess up having P2 and P3 then???

It is a very sorry state of affairs that I’m just expecting Ferrari to mess up, but alas. Clowneria Ferrari reigns supreme.

[Lap 4]: idk if I want to call it racing but, the cars all seem to be following each other pretty well, but idk if anything is going to come from it. But it makes a change from all the massive gaps between the cars in France

[Lap 5]: and as I say that, Verstappen passes Alonso

...I’m just going to acknowledge Fernando asking for team orders and move on

[Lap 6]: Why did we cut from Kevin v Dan to Perez v Alonso???? I want my midfield spice!!!

I mean I know Alpine are a midfield team, but whatever

[Lap 7]: “Dry for the next half hour” idk if I want to trust that Mr Engineer

Meanwhile the Red Bulls are carving their way past the Alpines.

SEB INTO P15!!!! Hanging onto every single crumb I can

[Lap 8]: Bold of Crofty to assume Ferrari are going to be smart with their strategy to even think of trying a one stop. That’ll only happen if they just forget about Charles and Sainz

[Lap 10]: Lewis catching Lando 👀

ayyyyy Lewis has a rainbow helmet!!!!! 🌈✨

brief disgruntled Toto sighting. I feel you bud I don’t want to endure Lewis v Verstappen either 😭

Euros Crofty. The Lionessesses were competing in the final of the Euros. smh.

Anyway F1.

[Lap 11]: Norris v Lewis v Verstappen. I am unwell and not in a good way.

[Lap 12]: Yeahhhhh Lewis into P4 on the inside of turn 1. noice.

Seb watch: up into P14!!!

[Lap 14]: Now Charles hinting for team orders. Chaos children.

Cut to the Ferrari pitwall, I’m surprised they didn’t start playing clown music.

(Sorry to any Tifosi I assure you it’s coming from a place of utter disappointment)

[Lap 15]: oh god incoming Ferrari on Ferrari violence I don’t want

anyway people are starting to make their stops, Seb included, he’s out in P17.

Oh and so does Russell and Verstappen.

[Lap 17]: everybody do the pit stop shuffle!! *70s Disco music plays in the background*

[Lap 19]: cut to some focused Merc engineers

Hello Mr Merc mechanic 👋

[Lap 20]: I can only assume we’re already on Lap 20 bc the Hungaroring is so short bc the race is starting to drag a little bit.

[Lap 21]: “What do you do if you’re Ferrari?” I know Crofty was asking about strategy, but we do not have enough laps remaining to properly answer that question.

The RBR pitwall being immensely unbothered about Leclerc’s stop really sums up the 2022 season in a nutshell 😭

[Lap 22]: anyway, Seb watch: back into P14 after the pitstop shuffle!!!

[Lap 23]: oh jeez not live chat from the Ferrari pitwall. idk if I’m strong enough.

wsfuhaeuh nvm the connection either went or he’s just not answering.

[Lap 24]: oh not Dan picking his way past the Alpine squabble dvuhedsauh king shit

oh yes please replay that it was so funny

[Lap 25]: ah we are hearing from Binotto on the pitwall

SEB SIGHTING!!!!!

It was two seconds of the Number 5 Aston but I’m taking it with both hands

[Lap 27]: Leclerc into Russell’s DRS range 👀

oh god first mention of Seb’s retirement fuck off Crofty 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[Lap 28]: ohhhhhh Charles trying the outside of turn 2 on Russell

(Seb watch: P12 BABY!!!!!)

[Lap 29]: don’t cut to the pitwall show me the cars!!

(yes that even includes stressed Toto, there is stuff! happening! on! track!!!!)

[Lap 30]: ahhh so nearly on the inside of turn 2 and the outside of turn 4. Charles please think of my nerves.

This is fun to watch though

[Lap 31]: CHARLES GOES ROUND THE OUTSIDE OF TURN 1!!!!!

Yeah. That was hot. sorry not sorry.

and SEB PASSES ALONSO FOR P11!!!!!!

ugh down the inside of turn 1. NICE.

[Lap 32]: Ah. so much F1 tech, but sometimes you just gotta stick your hand out into the air and see if it’s wet or not. A Serious Sport™️

“It shouldn’t get any worse, famous last words” I find it so funny that commentators are aware of the Commentator’s Curse.

[Lap 35]: Half distance klaxon!!

I’m nether underwhelmed, overwhelmed, or even whelmed. It’s... a race I guess???

Seb onboard as he chases Esteban. And goes wide. It’s okay Seb I still adore you.

Livery watch: Aston Martin preeeeeeeetty 😍👌

[Lap 37]: So apparently the hard tyres aren’t working. Watch Ferrari use them at their second stop.

[Lap 38]: Oh no. There’s more raindrops on the cameras.

SEB PASSES OCON FOR P10!!!!!! 😭🙌

If I had a penny everytime Seb passed an Alpine on the inside of turn 1, I’d have two pennies. AND I LOVE IT.

[Lap 40]: Oh no Ferrari did pit Charles onto the hards I DIDN’T WANT TO BE RIGHT 😭

circus music

[Lap 41]: So Verstappen goes from P10 to P1 thanks to a combo of strategy, and OP car, and Ferrari clowning. Sounds about right.

oh. he spun.

[Lap 43]: Considering how pissed Charles was at his tyres, I don’t think he’s suddenly back in the race Crofty.

(I miss Alex Jacques comms SO MUCH. The things I do for Ted).

[Lap 45]: Well, the battle was tasty while it lasted.

Don’t hurt yourself trying to understand Ferrari’s clownery Crofty. Just call them fools and move on.

[Lap 46]: Lewis catching Sainz 👀

[Lap 47]: ahhhh AM doing the double stack

Pitstop shuffle 2 electric boogaloo! *80���s synth blares in the background*

Nooooo not Dan on Lance violence 😭 BOYS

[Lap 50]: Lance passes Dan and Seb passes Zhou. My lads!!! 💚

Team Green here to make passes into turn 1 and look gorgeous while doing so.

[Lap 51]: George catching Charles like it’s almost nothing. I will be taking a sledgehammer to those hard tyres. 

And Seb passed Dan into turn one for P12. niiiiice

[Lap 54]: And George goes round the outside of turn 1 to take P2.

They’re pitting Charles again. 🥲

I once again support Charles rights to burn shit down.

[Lap 55]: Bono I love you but please don’t mention anything about light rain I don’t want to hear it.

Yes, it would make the race spicy, but it would also make me stressed and it’s 25 to 1 in the morning as I watch this.

[Lap 57]: Lewis fastest lap!!! we love to see it!!!

oh yes please let’s manifest another Merc double podium. George and Lewis dragging the W13 kicking and screaming as they should.

[Lap 59]: oh not Mattia leaving the pitwall and walking to the back of the Ferrari garage. I think he figured out he just lost his job.

[Lap 60]: Nooo this was Bernie Collins’ last race with Aston?! We’ll miss you queen!!! 

[Lap 62]: Binotto watch: He’s back on the pitwall. Maybe he just needed a cathartic yell at the back of the garage.

oh yeah Lewis v Sainz let’s go!!!

[Lap 63]: And he makes the move down the main straight. NICE.

Angela’s proud happy clapping is a mood.

Oh Lance takes Bottas on the outside of turn 1??? NICE

oh fuck not Seb on Lance violence for P10 again. HELP.

[Lap 64]: Merc on Merc violence happening behind AM on AM violence. I’m not strong enough.

Oh Lewis with the switcheroo 👌

cut to the Astons, please play nice fellas.

[Lap 67]: SEB INTO P10 EVERYBODY MOVE

THAT’S MY BOYYYYYYYYYY 😭🙌💚

And Lewis on track for his 5th podium in a row. That’s my Kings!!!!

[Lap 68]: Oh no Bottas’ Alfa went poof.

[Lap 69]: Poor Charles’ suddenly worrying about his car. Lad’s gone from championship leader to being traumatised by reliability. 

IT’S RAINING?!

FUCK

screaming crying etc

[Lap70/Finish]: DRS disabled so it’s actually raining raining

*distressed yelling*

all while Seb’s chasing down Ocon.

LEWIS P2!!!!!!! SEB P18 TO P10, THAT’S MY BOYS 🖤💚

And fastest lap 👌

And he takes the record for most laps led a circuit. Legend behaviour.

Well... idk how I feel about that race tbh. There was some really good bits and kinda dull bits. The battles we had were good, but it again felt more of a strategy race than anything else. So a solid 6 front wings out of 10. Next race: Belgium!

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Monday 29 October 1838

6 55

2 35

dull small rainy morning when I got up – the same and F61 ½° at 8 am obliged to unpack travelling bag to get the money out – then writing out accounts till breakfast at 9 ¾ to 10 ¾ when raining rather more than before – put cloaks on and, poorly as A- seemed, out at 11 ¼ - she would go – George as guide – cathedral modern looking – white and yellow and other colour-washed 5 arcaded nef and side chapels – theatre –A- poorly – looked hardly fit to stir out of the house, and it rained incessantly – semblance of 9 arches at the bottom on each side of square entrance – 3 stories from the ground, sham arches again – then another story, then attic – 5 stories in all as appears by the different string courses or little mouldings – built of rough, small-shell, calcareous girt – 2 rows of pierces consoles projecting from the bottom of the attic and a one story (I think) below for supports of awnings – went into little shop civil woman gave me some garance seed – would not take the 5 sols piece I offered her – garance seed 5 sols an ounce – has been 15 sols to 1/. per oz. – looks like small black pepper corns – From the theatre to the arc de Triomphe commonly called arc de Marius – west end according to inscription repaired almost all new, in 1828. – East end very interesting – like and explains (makes up the wanting of?) right end (as one enters from the Tribunal court) of the monument at Carpentras – north side also gaulish captives (or German?) shields, bundles of spears (not arrows) in carquois with couvercle caps as at Carpentras, and here animals that are wild boars? – south side a little Gaulish or German – and a deep frize with a combat (men and horses) – but for this interested monument I wanted time – A- will never stir without me to or from, that my much greater force than hers is lost – it strikes me that the tunic at Carpentras which is here (Orange – east end) a whole length figure except the head (all gone but a little unintelligible bit) is a Gaulish or German chief impaled? the tree or pole running right thro’ him? – back at the Inn about 12 ½ - paid all and off (from the hotel du Griffon d’or) Orange at 12 43 thoroughly rainy day – at 1 35 little town of Momas under high rocher à pic, from old ruined castle on the top of which the baron des Adrets threw down his catholic prisoners on the points of pikes – Itineraire m. p. 329 – Talus of the yellow whity brown now in terraces of vine and olive – the high perpendicular rock itself really looking like a long sweep of gigantic cyclopean fortress wall – very striking as seen from north – that is as we look back upon it – at 2 5 Montdragon (where the Avignon great statue Gauloisé was found) also

arc de triomphe at the top of east end a head surrounded with rays Apollo and just above the head a star fish of 5 rays

rochers à pic like gigantic castle walls, and considerable remains square towers etc. of old gothic castle at the top as at Momas (vide Itineaire ii. m. p. 310) – Road thro’ avenue of mulberries, lopped and low and bushy headed – still vine and olive and mulberry country – and light whitish sandy land – at 2 25 turn (left) to the Pont du St. Espirit – the road (right) goes to Gap – a Carrefour                         a. to Pont du St. Espirit – b. to Lyons – c. to Gap – d. to Orange – at 2 42 at the Pont – 9 minutes driving over it au pas (walk) – beautiful view up and down the river and of the town, and the fine rising banks on the right bank the river – as usual do not enter the town – but wind round it, passing under the citadel (right) along the boulevard to the poste at 2 53 – the river above the bridge in 4 streams leaving gravelly islands between then – a steamer coming up – beautiful rich wood-sprinkled banks on both sides, but low on the left bank – off back again with fresh horses from La poste at 3 5 and over the bridge at 3 ¼ - a big stone strong built dike about 2 yards above the present water level, and 2 yards wide at the top, runs along the river 70 or 80 yards within the gate that locks up the west end (left bank of river) and 60 or 70 or 80 yards more in land from this 1st dike, another dike sloping down to the now marais planted with large old pollarded mulberries, and about 3 yards perpendicular height above the marais and 3 yards? wide at the top, and the continuation of this marais on the other side the bridge full of poplars and willows – the shoot the rapid must be along the inside of the 1st named dike where the water probably covers it 5 or 6 ft. deep in winter, the water thus being perhaps 10 or 11 ft. deeper than now, when all the gravelly islands must be under water and only the 2 or 3 green poplar wooded islands left just peeping out – poplars (abele and pyramidal) and willows and mulberries the chief wood all hereabouts – the great elbow (curve) of the bridge is here – wisely turned against the force of the stream – very incessantly rainy – the road much cut and all the ruts along the middle full of water – the distant hills wrapt in brouillard – but we can see straight before us along the poplar willow and mulberry avenue I think to the Lyons road (1/2 poste from the poste at Pont du St. Espirit = about 2 ¼ English miles?) – several wide places on the pont for the convenience of carriages passing each other – the general width too small to admit 2 carriages abreast – the Éperons (triangular spurs) of the piliers, are in 2 gradins – the lower one larger and of rough stone (under water I should think except in summer) – the upper one smaller and of smooth handsome masonry – at 3 32 back again at the Lyons road which thro’ rather wider than the road we leave, is more cut up and worse – at 3 49 poorish little town of St. Palud ‘devenu tristement célèbre par la capitulation du duc d’Angoulême in 1815’ Itinéraire ii. m. p. 310. we wind round the remains of the old walls – do not enter the old town apparently narrow streeted and walled like all the rest of the old towns au midi – road terribly cut up – all the roads in France bad in wet weather – Scrapers sadly wanted – at 4 ¾ Pierrelatte petite ville – pass thro’ one long narrow street – opposite side the river St. Andiol where anciently a temple of Mithras of which so small remains

c’est sons le 2nde arche très large, que passant les bateaux de porte (Itinéraire ii. m. 321)

SH:7/ML/E/22/0053

at present (vide Itinéraire ii. m. p. 328) Olive begins not to do well here vide Itinéraire (a cypress hedge) – heights of mountains east 400 to 500 metres above the sea – west, so as high as 1,200 metres – mistral begins above Valence, and is more strong and frequent as one gets south – vide Frossard? or my little account of (notice de) Montpellier? for some account of the winds – at 3 L.E. Pierelatte, chateau de Grignon. Madame de Sevigné Itinéraire ii. m. p. 328 and one l. from Donzère en est en face l’êlé de Nouills Itinéraire m. p. 309  now at 5 10 have just written the last few lines – getting too dark to write much more – now at 5 ¼ cannot see to read, nor can I see well what I write – at Monelimart [Montélimar] at 7 7 Hotel de la poste – 2 nice comfortable double bedded  rooms – Josephine rather wet – begged her to dry herself – in siding my cloaks, knocked down and broke my Barèges glass Inkstand about 7 20 – sorry but I know the end of it – better than losing it – from 7 ½ till dinner at 8, wrote out the first nineteen lines of Saturday (27th instant) – dinner from 8 to 9 ½ - M- [A-] had gone to her room some minutes before – had Josephine then till 3 ¼ tonight wrote out pp. 94, 95, 96, 97 and so far of this p. 98 – very rainy day – F59 ½° now at 3 20 tonight

[starf]

StarF’s Top Ten Albums of 2020

Another year, another list. Let’s not even bother with the preamble this time around, you get what it is.

10. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - RAZZMATAZZ

Let me tell you right now, I struggled with this tenth spot. There were about four albums that were pretty much tied once I narrowed it down this far because it was a jam-packed year. Ultimately though I had to give it to iDKHOW for their smooth brand of piano rock-pop. This is their debut album and it brought the heat. While it didn't dazzle me immediately, with every subsequent listen I feel a little more of that promised razzmatazz from the title. I also absolutely love the ballad "Nobody Likes The Opening Band," which will certainly be a fun song to hear them perform some day whether they're the opener or not.

9. The Front Bottoms - In Sickness & In Flames

The last offering from The Front Bottoms, Going Gray, left me feeling a little lukewarm. In Sickness & In Flames, however, is a much stronger return to form for the band in my opinion. Some people say all of The Front Bottoms' albums sound the same, and maybe that's a little bit true. But maybe 2020 is the year that we needed to hear some new Front Bottoms material. It was a strange time for all of us, and in these times this kind of album just hits different. From the optimistic opening of "everyone blooms" to the infectious singalong moments of "Fairbanks, Alaska," this album is a good time all around.

8. The Used - Heartwork

Did you know The Used is still around? Not only still around, but apaprently they never went away! When I saw that they had released a new album early in the year I assumed it was a comeback, but I was wrong! For me there was a 12 year gap since I had personally listened to a new Used album, and this one blew me away in a big way. They're still going big, going hard, and rocking their signature sound - but updated for the modern age. This is a band that has managed to hold on to their roots while successfully adapting and progressing into the future.

7. Oliver Tree - Ugly Is Beautiful

Where do you even start with an artist like Oliver Tree? An absolute master of internet marketing, the release of this album was a tortured and dragged out experience, like a person chasing a 20 dollar bill on a string and having it constantly pulled away over and over again. By the time it came out it was a little disheartening that an entire half of the album had already been released via single, but overall it is undeniably a powerhouse of a pop album and a strong showing from Oliver Tree. A strange character, but an impossibly catchy album with earworm after earworm.

6. The World/Inferno Friendship Society - All Borders Are Porous To Cats

I pretty much always enjoy any offering from this band, but to varying degrees. Their last few albums have certainly been good to my ears, but for whatever reason just didn't resonate enough with me to earn a spot in my top ten. This album is clearly different though, and keeps me enthralled the entire way. With their unique brand of punk-jazz-cabaret, All Borders Are Porous To Cats tells the story of one Mr. Cat In The Hat, and it's a wild ride that you're going to want to hear.

5. Run The Jewels - RTJ4

One of the most biting and necessary releases of the year, RTJ4 dropped right when we needed to hear it most, and for free no less. It's my personal opinion that Run The Jewels continue to get better with every release they put out, and their fourth showing is easily my favorite so far. El-P and Killer Mike come through with some of their sharpest bars and heaviest beats yet. It's just a shame that for how much history repeats we as society still haven't learned some of the lessons that an album like this continues to attempt to teach us.

4. Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guide

Spirit World Field Guide is not a typical Aesop Rock album, but then again what is? Back in 2016 I fell in love with the album The Impossible Kid, an accessible (by Aes standards) album that hooked me in immediately. Spirit World is a different beast that took me off guard the first time I heard it, and left me a little bit lost - but that almost seems to be the intent. An absolute monster of an album coming in at 21 tracks and over an hour, this thing wasn't necessarily meant to be ingested all at once, or even in the order presented. The more I revisit it the more I put the pieces together and enjoy it more and more.

3. Poppy - I Disagree

Let's take a journey all the way back to January before the world entirely fell apart. I discovered Poppy for the first time through this album and was quickly intrigued. Going back through her older music, and then her YouTube, and slowly unraveling the mystery that is Poppy was perhaps some of the most fun I've had experiencing an artist's work in years - all topped off with seeing her perform live that month, the last large live music show I've been to. I Disagree is an eclectic blend of pop, metal, and strange curiosity. It starts off right away with the oddball banger Concrete and promises to weed out those who aren't prepared to take the mental trip through this album right away. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

2. Jeff Rosenstock - N O  D R E A M

Well here we are! The number one spot! You guessed it, it's Jeff Rose- what? This isn't number one? Well that can't be right, hold on. Nope, I guess that's correct. The new Jeff Rosenstock album, N O  D R E A M comes in at number two this year, a fact that will probably shock and confuse anyone who knows me. This is the proof that Jeff doesn't automatically get my number one spot if he releases an album, but with all of that out of the way, let's talk about the album.

In a Post-Post- world we see Jeff returning to a more traditional take on putting together an album, rather than simply rushing through it to get the feelings out of his head (both perfectly valid approaches). N O  D R E A M continues to explore themes of being lost and confused in such a soul-crushing and increasingly overwhelming world - all while attempting to find the silver linings and be optimistic about where we're headed. Whether it's the world at large or a personal journey, this album is an anthem to a year that saw most people holding their head in their hands and saying "please, just, let's all get through this, okay?"

1. Will Wood - The Normal Album

Wow. Just wow. Okay, where to begin? I was listening to a random Spotify radio when it started playing a song by Will Wood & The Tapeworms called "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" Intrigued by the style of the song, as well as the title, I clicked through and listened to their most recent album which was 2016's "Self-Ish." I thought it was really good! I enjoyed it a lot and continued to listen to it for about a week. At that point when I started digging further into the band I learned that there was actually an even newer album entitled The Normal Album, categorized on Spotify under just Will Wood, which is why I hadn't previously found it.

I enjoyed Self-Ish, but hearing The Normal Album took it to an entirely new album and blew me away in a way that I haven't experienced in years. This wasn't just a great album, this was one of those musical discoveries where you think "oh wow, this is something I can't live without going forward." Will Wood is exactly what I needed in the back half of 2020 to keep my sanity, and even now I still listen to this album usually at least once a day. It's perfectly crafted in every sense of the world. Not a single second is wasted or out of place. The technical skill is in full display without muddling the pure enjoyment of the melodies or taking away from the overall vibe of the songs. The writing is some of the sharpest and dense I've ever seen, without being undecipherable or inaccessible. This is an album that truly does it all.

The feeling I have when I listen to this album and attempt to get people to listen to it is identical to how I felt about Jeff Rosenstock in the late 2000's, back before he had sort of blown up. Will Wood certainly has a following, but his music is definitely niche at the moment and somewhat obscure. Much in the same way that eventually people listened to me about Jeff, I hope they will find out about Will. Everyone should hear this album. It's breath-takingly perfect.

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a K (Part 3)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Kimetsu no Yaiba

Genres: Action, demons, historical, shounen, supernatural

Synopsis:  Ever since the death of his father, the burden of supporting the family has fallen upon Tanjirou Kamado's shoulders. Though living impoverished on a remote mountain, the Kamado family are able to enjoy a relatively peaceful and happy life. One day, Tanjirou decides to go down to the local village to make a little money selling charcoal. On his way back, night falls, forcing Tanjirou to take shelter in the house of a strange man, who warns him of the existence of flesh-eating demons that lurk in the woods at night. When he finally arrives back home the next day, he is met with a horrifying sight—his whole family has been slaughtered. Worse still, the sole survivor is his sister Nezuko, who has been turned into a bloodthirsty demon. Consumed by rage and hatred, Tanjirou swears to avenge his family and stay by his only remaining sibling. Alongside the mysterious group calling themselves the Demon Slayer Corps, Tanjirou will do whatever it takes to slay the demons and protect the remnants of his beloved sister's humanity. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8.5/10

Finished airing in 2019 with a total of 26 episodes. 

My Thoughts: It wasn’t perfect but I truly Loved it! The art/animation was the real standout in my opinion but pretty well every aspect of this anime was quite good. From the characters to the plot there were no unforgivable weak points in this one. Highly recommend despite the lower than usual score! Also has a completed manga for those interested. 

Kimi no Na wa. (Your Name):

Genres: romance, supernatural, school, drama, film

Synopsis:  Mitsuha Miyamizu, a high school girl, yearns to live the life of a boy in the bustling city of Tokyo—a dream that stands in stark contrast to her present life in the countryside. Meanwhile in the city, Taki Tachibana lives a busy life as a high school student while juggling his part-time job and hopes for a future in architecture. One day, Mitsuha awakens in a room that is not her own and suddenly finds herself living the dream life in Tokyo—but in Taki's body! Elsewhere, Taki finds himself living Mitsuha's life in the humble countryside. In pursuit of an answer to this strange phenomenon, they begin to search for one another. Kimi no Na wa. revolves around Mitsuha and Taki's actions, which begin to have a dramatic impact on each other's lives, weaving them into a fabric held together by fate and circumstance. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 10/10

A film released in 2016.

My Thoughts: A masterpiece. Seriously who hasn’t heard of this film yet? Well worth the rating and hype in my opinion. Visually stunning with a great story and amazing soundtrack. Highly recommend! 

Kiseijuu: Sei no Kakuritsu (Parasyte -the maxim):

Genres: action, sci-fi, horror, psychological, drama, seinen

Synopsis: All of a sudden, they arrived: parasitic aliens that descended upon Earth and quickly infiltrated humanity by burrowing into the brains of vulnerable targets. These insatiable beings acquire full control of their host and are able to morph into a variety of forms in order to feed on unsuspecting prey. Sixteen-year-old high school student Shinichi Izumi falls victim to one of these parasites, but it fails to take over his brain, ending up in his right hand instead. Unable to relocate, the parasite, now named Migi, has no choice but to rely on Shinichi in order to stay alive. Thus, the pair is forced into an uneasy coexistence and must defend themselves from hostile parasites that hope to eradicate this new threat to their species. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I hardly remember this one... I feel like it was gory and just right weird. That’s about all I can remember so i’m no use here. It’s on Netflix now though so maybe I should give it a rewatch... add it to the list... 

Kobato:

Genres: comedy, drama, romance, fantasy

Synopsis:  Sweet and naïve Hanato Kobato came to Earth on a mission to collect and fill a bottle with "konpeito," which appear after healing a person's heart that is suffering. Kobato collects these because it is her wish to go to a certain place. Despite her strangeness, Kobato turns out to be well-suited for this mission as her heartfelt sincerity in helping others earns her the love and admiration of everyone she meets. However, she is not allowed to fall in love with anyone whose heart she heals. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2010 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: It seriously annoys me when I stumble across a title I gave a high rating to that I truly cannot remember. This is one of those titles. Judging by the fact that I don’t remember it I can only assume I didn’t LOVE the anime and obsess over it to the point that it was forever ingrained into my memory.  Any of you guys watched this one and have anything to say? 

Koe no Katachi (A Silent Voice):

Genres: drama, school, shounen, film

Synopsis:  As a wild youth, elementary school student Shouya Ishida sought to beat boredom in the cruelest ways. When the deaf Shouko Nishimiya transfers into his class, Shouya and the rest of his class thoughtlessly bully her for fun. However, when her mother notifies the school, he is singled out and blamed for everything done to her. With Shouko transferring out of the school, Shouya is left at the mercy of his classmates. He is heartlessly ostracized all throughout elementary and middle school, while teachers turn a blind eye.

Now in his third year of high school, Shouya is still plagued by his wrongdoings as a young boy. Sincerely regretting his past actions, he sets out on a journey of redemption: to meet Shouko once more and make amends.

Koe no Katachi tells the heartwarming tale of Shouya's reunion with Shouko and his honest attempts to redeem himself, all while being continually haunted by the shadows of his past.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9.5/10

A film released in 2016.

My Thoughts: Another amazing film that is visually stunning! Highly recommend! Has a great and completed manga as well. 

Koi wa Ameagari no You ni (After the Rain):

Genres: romance, seinen

Synopsis:  Akira Tachibana, a reserved high school student and former track runner, has not been able to race the same as she used to since she experienced a severe foot injury. And although she is regarded as attractive by her classmates, she is not interested in the boys around school. While working part-time at the Garden Cafe, Akira begins to develop feelings for the manager—a 45-year-old man named Masami Kondou—despite the large age gap. Kondou shows genuine concern and kindness toward the customers of his restaurant, which, while viewed by others as soft or weak, draws Akira to him. Spending time together at the restaurant, they grow closer, which only strengthens her feelings. Weighed down by these uncertain emotions, Akira finally resolves to confess, but what will be the result? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8.5/10

Finished airing in 2018 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I quite enjoyed this anime! A rather unique story with interesting art/ animation. For any concerned about the synopsis talking about the big age gap and that romance tag i’d argue that the romance was rather one sided in this title from what I recall and not at all cringy and gross. Mind you I could be forgetting vital parts... so I mean enter at your own risk?!