#the (conceptual. since hotd never explored it) bond between Alicent. her mom. and Aemma is something that can be so personal

[dirtytransmasc]

[TW implied/referenced rape/forced consent]

did Alicent call for her mother? did she ask her, a woman she thought was so wise and all knowing, why? why it happened to her? why her father betrayed her so? why this man who was so much older than her, looked at her with such empty lustful eyes? did she silently pray for her mother when Viserys raped her, night after night, begging for her to save her? did she imagine her mother walking next to her as she made her way to Viserys's chambers, knowing what was to happen, unable to change her fate? did she scream for her during labor, begging for her to be by her side, to hold her hand, to make the pain stop? did she cry for her mother when she was raising a child, while still a child herself, another on the way, clueless as to what to do? did she ask her for advice? did she beg for forgiveness cause she was failing her children? did she kneel at the Sept till it hurt more than she could bear, trying to feel her mother's arms around her? did she take Aegon? Helaena? Aemond? Daeron? did she take them with her to pray, to get to know her mother? did she have to hold them still and remind them to be quiet in such a place? did she hold them close as she told them stories of her?

did she ever think of Aemma? she must have, she must have when Viserys forced her into the late queen's robes, she must have when he frequently called her by the wrong name, when he sought her hand in marriage before his mourning period had even ended. did she beg for Aemma's forgiveness? was she sorry for what Viserys was doing to her? did she blame herself? did she feel guilty for having a healthy son on the first try, for having 4 healthy babes? did she tell her kids of her? did she share her memories of Aemma with them? did she question how she managed to be with Viserys for so long? how she lost so much cause of that man yet pain and anger never once flashed in her eyes? did she think of the last conversation she heard from her, about the child bed and royal wombs, often?