#thats why their parents think im miserable

[originalkid-basement]

Not to give people tmi but I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm freaking out about it because I HATE the doctor and it's first thing in the morning. They draw some blood and it makes me feel like crap and then four weeks later they say they can't find anything and just. Whatever I hate going

[sonikkublue]

goin on here to rant so most my ppl dont see, im not that active here anyways so who cares, i sure dont. my year has dragged me to my lowest point till ive become sucidal again. i dont like thinkin abt it but its there

i want to quit. i want to quit friends, i want to quit art, i want to quit everything. everything. including my au. i want to drop dead off the internet and prob go kill myself or reflect or smth. idk, one of those is better than the other, but again i dont know. everything is always hurting and ive been so numb to everything since this year has started, its only gotten worse. my friends arent makin this any better either

im done bein used, im done getting manipulated, im done seeing ppl favor one another right in front of me, im done w/ ppl not listenin to me when i try expressin smth im struggling w/, even if it wasnt much or none at all. i dont even vent a lot or at all. why?? cuz no one ever fucking listens, gets mad at me while i try talkin, pushes my issue away w/ another topic immediately. they my friends act more excited towards the other everyone else gettin smth meanwhile i get lil to none. i recognize im not gettin appreciated as everyone else in my friend group, like they're uninterested in me anymore. that they dont care. ive tried bein positive, i cannot. my friends have offered and offered and offered for me to talk to them if im ever bothered- "u can always talk to us if smth wrong" or smth like that...ok?? last time i broke down in call, one of my friends was playin cookie run to distract themselves, so they werent even fully listening...another time i just got flat out ignored, my issue got pushed aside by another art topic, "damn". NO ONE FUCKING CARES. i already know the cycle. too many times ive lived thru it and im only enabling it by gettin vulnerable. at this point, i cant trust my own friends cuz its so hard too believe them when they keep doin the same thing to me over and over. they're trying to prove smth to me to make me think they care. i dont fucking believe it cuz no one has ever shown care back for me, regardless of how much i give to them. theres that word again. i give so fucking much, and i hate myself for bein this way. most of the time i wish my au didnt blow up cuz its put so much pressure on me like the new friends that came and left in my life, me realizing i have to maintain an audience... idk, maybe im a lost cause. i cant do any of this anymore. i want to die. i dont like thinkin it, but i want too. theres so much stress, so much unbearable stress and anger. and no one will fucking care. ive been hurt by my own friends too many times. i dont say anything cuz its just gonna happen all over again, no how many times i *try* and bring it up to them, they will not fucking listen. no one ever fucking listens to me. i didnt like makin friends from the beginning, ive loved bein alone from the start, but everything happens naturally...unfortunately

i give and give and give and i get absolutely nothing back. im all used up.

idk everything fucking sucks rn. i didnt have to worry abt all of this when i was a smaller acc and i had myself. thats all i needed. now im just miserable. im depressed, sucidal thoughts are everyday, i cry to myself everyday and night cuz of it, im stuck living w/ this thing i made out of my pure "imagination" and that same thing almost made me kill myself one time, ive almost killed myself twice a couple months back- one in my parents bathroom and almost sneakin out of my window to wander away from home.

one day im goin to leave, and im not gonna say a word

[4ln-stay8]

Behind closed doors - part II

>summary: Han isn’t too happy to find out what his sister is doing lately

>author’s note: I still don’t know how I feel about it… I also take requests if you have any ideas… I’m also working on some fake texts bits haha …THERE MIGHT BE A PART III

>warning: angst, Han is kind of a dick (Im sorry babygirl) not proof read

>pairing: lee minho x han jisung's sister

Part I

Masterlist

*Y/N'S POV*

It’s been three weeks since your argument with Jisung. Three weeks since you both talked to each other. He didn’t came home after that night due to his busy schedule but he tried and talk to your parents as much as he could. Your mother tried to make you speak to each other but neither of you wanted to reach out first.

On that night your mother asked what happened to her kids after she saw Jisung dropping you off and leave the next second. You told her everything while crying your eyes out and nothing she said could make you stop.

You never thought that your relationship with your brother could fall to the ground all because you fall in love with the wrong man. Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t regret falling for Minho, you didn’t regret anything about him or anything about your relationship with him. Anything besides keeping it a secret from Jisung.

Maybe things would be different if you would’ve told him sooner. Maybe he wouldn’t have hated you so much right now. You were spiralling down the rabbit hole and all you could think of was “what if”.

You barely talked to Minho in the past few weeks, you hated yourself for putting him through this. He had to work and spend every day with his best friend who probably hated him right now, all because of you.

You were way past the whole “it’s not only my fault” part and got straight to the “it’s all my fault” part.

You were miserable to say at least. You hated yourself for being the reason why your brother hated his best friend. You hated yourself for being the reason your brother hated you. You hated yourself for being the reason why your boyfriend was treated poorly by you in those three weeks.

You tried to be a good girlfriend, you tried to be one considering all the bad you’ve caused to him in his other relationships. You tried your best but you just couldn’t look him in the eyes while knowing what he had to go through.

Thats why you asked him to talk, in the small window he actually had. That’s why you showed up at the coffee shop near the JYP building while looking like you were just hit by a meteorite, waiting for your beloved.

- Hi jagi! It’s so nice to see you, I missed you so much! said minho while talking the seat opposite from you - Hi! Uhm…. Can we talk? you asked straight forward not wanting to be there longer than necessary due to barely being able to keep the tears behind your eyes - Uhm sure…. What do you want to talk about? he asked anxiously - I’m so sorry Minho! I’m really sorry about everything. I didn’t want to get between you and Jisung! He is right, I do ruin everything! you said, your voice barely above a whisper with tears running down your face -Wha-what are you saying jagi? he whispered confused but yet expecting the worst

-I ruin a lot of things Minho, but i refuse to ruin your life more than I already did. It's not fair. I'm sorr.y Minho... we're over. you whispered, pain evident in your voice as you got up quickly, running out of the coffee shop

You ran and ran, not stopping until you got home. You ran straight into your room, falling down the wall in the quiet room, the only sound heard being your heart breaking. You gave up on the anger you held against your brother, and with a last text sent to him, you gave up on yourself.

*MINHO'S POV*

He stood there, watching you run away, taking his heart with you. It took him around 15 minutes to actually process the entire thing.

With small robotic movements, he stood up and slowly walked out of the coffee shop, going back to the dance studio where all his friends were.

He walked in the studio and with small steps he went straight in the furthest corner, collapsing on the floor hidinghis face in his knees. He didn't wanted to cry in front of his friends, let alone cry in front of the few staff members that were there at the time.

Chan, being the good leader and the great friend he is, he Minho's appearence in the corner. With a ferm voice he let everyone know that they are free for the rest of the day, saying that they practiced so much lately that they need a break before someone gets hurt.

His voice was so serious that no one dared to question him and everyone just picked their stuff up and left, everyone besides the band members who were still picking up their stuff while messing around.

With small and calculated steps, Chan moved closer to where Minho was sitting, kneeling close to him, putting a hand on his shaking shoulders.

-Everything okay Min? How did the date with Y/N went? he asked softly

-She broke up with me. She said she couldn't ruin my life anymore.... Thats such bullshit Chan. he whispered, slowly raising his face to look at Chan.

The moment Chan saw his teary eyes he pulled him in a big warm hug, trying to comfort his friend.

*HAN'S POV*

Even tho it was weird for Chan to just call it a day mid practice, Jisung never dared to question his leader, looking forward to hiding behind his bedroom door and avoiding Minho with all costs.

He didn't spoke to his hyung almost atall in the past three weeks, only speaking when needes. It was common knowledge that he was avoiding him after the fight they had on the night Han dropped you home.

He stopped talking to you as well, against his mother's protests. He always asked about your condition and about your state whenever he called home. He didn't wanted to be the first to break and to see a message from you left him in complete shock. He opened the message reading it carefully. Honestly he had to read it twice to fully understand the words he was reading, replying vaguely and confused with your words.

His head flew up the next second, looking around chaotically. His eyes immediately landed on Minho who was currently in the arms of their hyung. He found himself walking closely to them.

-Wha-what happend? What did she do? he found himself saying, panick noticeable in his voice

-She ended things. She didn't wanted to ruin our friendship more than she did. whispered minho realising Chan and whiping his tears. Without a warning Minho stood up and stormed out of the dancing studio, all eyes on him. Han never saw Minho like this, so vulnerable and broken and he found himself feeling guilty.

Without saying a word, he took his belongings and ran out the studio, straight to his car. He found himself in front of his home, 20 minutes later.

He walked out of the car and straight inside, walking to the door of your bedroom. He knocked softly without saying a word. When he didn't hear anything form the other side of the door, he slowly opend it, being welcomed with your body still against the wall, looking into nothing.

He slowly walked thowards yoi, tears picking up in his eyes at the sight of his baby sister being so heark broken. And all because of him. He sat slowly beside you looking at a imaginary dot on the opposite wall. -You were right you know? I was indeed being selfish. I just didnțt wanted to have to share you or Minho. He is my best friend and I would hate to know he is the cause of your pain, but instead I was, and I hated myself even more. whispered jisung trying to get your attention

-You were right, I do ruin everything. Im so sorry for all the things I ruined between the two of you. I am the worst sister ever. you whispered

-You didn’t ruin anything y/nnie! I did! I ruin the relationship between you and me, the one between me and Minho hyung and the one between the two of you. I’m really sorry! Please go and fix this! I know I’m too late but I do want you to be happy!

-It doesn’t matter now, he probably hates me! And its ok Ji, I should’ve told you from the start.

-Minho hyung doesn’t hate you! Is he hurt, yeah. But he doesn’t hate you!

-Not so sure about that Jisung ! you said quietly

-My point is, I see now how much you love each other and I would be a terrible person to stand between you. I would be worse than I already am.

-I get where you’re coming from, I do but you’re my brother and your opinion matters the most to me. Seeing you so mad about the idea of me having a crush on Minho broke me. I tried at first to get rid of them but I couldn’t get rid of his feelings and I couldn’t get rid of mine.

-For how long has this been happening? he slowly asks, his voice softens with each word

-We confessed to each other at Changbin’s birthday party. you whispered slowly

-That was like 7 months ago!! he raised his tone surprised

-I know, Im sorry!

-How did it happen?

-We got drunk at the party and after a while we were just making out. The next morning I woke up behind the couch cuddling with him. We were both so embarrassed but he had the balls to confess. I told him that I wanted to wait to tell you until we were sure that it will work. I wanted to tell you, then you asked me about my crush and I tried to hint it but that didn’t get me the reaction I wanted.

-I overreacted a little didn’t I?

-Yeah, but I understand why. You’re not in an easy position. Sneaking aro was easier but it wasn’t fair to you or to Minho. I was just too scared of losing both of you.

-And now you are whiling to lose him. he whispered feeling guilty

-As much as I love him, you’re my brother. My relationship with you is more important than a boy, at least to mom who is constantly begging me to forgive your sorry ass! you said teasingly

-Hey! You’re not the only one she begged!

-I mean it tho, one day we will be the only ones left. Yes, we’ll have partners but we’ll still be alone. Mom and dad won’t live forever and it is important that we get along well.

-It’s not that important if it’s making you miserable! I know i was wrong, I reacted with knowing the full story. I really am an asshole! But I didn’t wanted to have to choose between you and my best friend, yet I made you choose between me and your boyfriend.

-It was my choice. You didn’t asked for it. It was for his benefit.

-It’s not! He is as miserable as you are! He even hugged Channie hyung back when he hugged him to comfort him. He even cried in front of us! You need to fix this, for you, for him, even for me! I would hate myself for being the reason you both are like this. And trust me I won’t forget myself for the way I reacted.

-Do you think he’ll have me back? you asked shyly

-There’s only one way to find out.

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[gale-gentlepenguin]

So I know Representation came out today. And any good fan would wait a week before reviewing it as we still have episode 23 to watch.

GOOD THING IM A DEGENERATE

Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 24 Representation

spoilers below

-So as expected, Chloé didnt stay mayor long. But Apparently Ms.Bustier is running for Mayor and might win

-Oh its the Fencing teacher/ guy who was Darkblade. Well clearly Ms.Bustier is going to win

-And Adrien and Kagami are a power couple? But Adrien is watching the news report while they are in London. Something seems VERY off

-Ah, Gabriel is behind it. And Adrien HATES it.

-"By letting your father decide your life and selling your story through a fake narrative as usual." DAMN Plagg holds no punches

-Plagg appologized though.

-Kagami is also pissed about it

-HEY ITS FELIX/ARGOS

-Wait ... is that really my chaotic son? HEARTS ON WINDOWS.

-Thats adorable, WTF

-Okay so THEY got some development.

-Adrien deciding to just say f*** it. He is heading to paris and Telling Marinette he's chat noir!

-Marinette back in paris looks miserable. Poor baby girl. Also its a lovely dress.

-Marinette has been crying. I am going to kill Gabriel

-Marinette being strong for her friends to enjoy this dance. Thats really big of her.

-Unfortunately, Spotlight.

-Wait, how did Argos and Kagami get to Paris BEFORE Astrochat? Unless they left much earlier but even then. My bet is Argos made a sentimonster that would warp them places... but that seems like BS.

-KAGAMI KNOWS MARINETTE IS LADYBUG?! Since perfection. Damn.

-KAGAMI TOLD FELIX!?!?!?! FELIX?!?!?! Okay I am a bit salty about that

-OH S***! THEY KISSED. The Feligami stans are Eating today.

-Felix is dressed like Adrien? Oh I do not like where this seems to be going.

-And Marinette thought she saw Adrien and wants to go after him while her friends are thanking her for everything she's done. Way to ruin a good moment FELIX you ass!

-Side note, WHY is Marinette the only one in a dress? Like its a dance? Why couldnt everyone Have dressed up? Seriously, I know outfit renders are expensive. DID THE KITCHEN COST THAT MUCH?

-Marinette avoiding the Lesbian bee and accidentally interrupting the Bi artist and writer. Sure is Pride month in Paris.

-Okay this is just cruel. Marinette thinks she is having a break down over this. Side note. WHY ISNT ADRIEN ACTUALLY HERE YET? HE IS ASTROCHAT!

-Alya and Nino trying to comfort her. But she aint listening.

-Adrien and Kagami escaped and the parents are pissed

-Oh no Nathalie looks really bad right now. Poor thing. All she can do is watch videos of her true love Emilie

-He took the ring back, guess now that Nathalie is too weak to fight him. Which really brings up the question, WHAT HAPPENED in the last episode that Nathalie took such a turn.

-Gabriel is being a d*** as usual

-Nightormentor sounds like a cool name. And while I thought the color scheme is weird... its probably the best akumatized form Gabriel has taken. Sad but true

-AND OF COURSE RIGHT AS SHE LEAVES ASTROCAT ARRIVES. I know its plot convenience but thats bull s***

-"His father CANT have that much control of him" Oh if only you knew Nino

-And BOOM! Gabriel the bitch agreste arrives

-I am liking Rose so much recently. She is calling out EVERYONE

-So he basically has the powers of Sandboy mixed with Darkerowl

-the guy has the power to make you experience VERY intrusive thoughts. That is evil

-Chat noir is like "Hey ladybug gonna go beat up my father text me later"

-Dude Felix must be an Olympic speed walker

-Marinette is basically being nightormented without that bastard even being here. Felix, Kagami this is just a jerk move.

Duusu: "This is so sad" Felix: "Dont worry its for Our happy ending" Duusu: F*** yea lets keep it up

-Oh he made a sentimonster... wait. I know its not human but like a sentimonster MAKING sentimonsters. Feels even more f***ed up

-THEY ARE DOING A F***ING PLAY FOR HER!?

-OH MY GOSH! ITS THE STORY OF EMILIE AND AMELIE!

-Meanwhile, Chat noir is working through his daddy issues.

-Back to the play

-Oh this is interesting.

-Oh and we find out Felix's dad was a rich Cowboy. But also an asshole. (Oh right, this is a French Cartoon, thats why American's suck in this)

-Back to Adrien fighting his father

-This is Cathartic watching Chat noir beat Gabriel's ASS

-HE WAS GOING TO CATACLYSM HIS DAD! Adrien, my boy. Patricide adrien? Well Monarch is still alive, so I guess you think it wouldnt kill him. BTW, Monarch should have had ptsd from that.

-And Chat noir got hit, so his worst fear is... and cuts back to the play

-Oh the twins were infertile. Emilie returned to try and get medical help but still nothing.

-The peacock, that was the sentimonster reference

-Oh so THATS how Gabriel got Gorilla to guard adrien.

-Also yea, any doubt that they arent sentimonsters is dead now.

-ITS CHAT BLANC WITH BLUE HAIR!?

-Oh s*** that is f***ed up.

-"It will end if you give me your miraculous"

-"Take it." ADRIEN NO!

-Oh so thats why Felix's dad was an a**hole. Okay I will give this credit. That is something.

-Welp this explains why Felix might be a sociopath

-Felix revealing why he did what he did

-THE RESISTANCE! COMING IN CLUTCH

-THE TRAY!

-ALYA JUMPED ON HIS BACK.

-They got the akuma in a jar.

-Wait, Chat noir defeated an akuma without Ladybug. (sure he had outside help, but Ladybug has done that too). Good on him

-WELL S*** THAT WAS TRIPPY.

-Felix and Kagami asked for Marinette's help. so was that all the sentimonster doing so? I am lost

-Okay so, I may not LIKE exactly how they went about it. But I cant really hate them for what they did. They are just kids that want to pick someone they trust.

-Oh s***, Ladybug never cast miraculous cure. So Adrien has some perminant trauma from the fight with Nightormentor. He still sees the antichat visions (its not chat blanc, and its just reverse color pallet)

-Chat noir left. before he could tell her. Cause the nightmare messed with him

-WAIT DID TOMOE AND GABRIEL JUST LOCK THEIR CHILDREN IN STERILE ROOMS? WTF!

_________________________________________________________

Okay! This episode was A LOT.

Well there is no denying Sentimonster theory. Its confirmed. Its done. 100% GUARANTEE NO MONEY BACK.

It did explain a LOT about Felix and Adrien.

So I am still iffy on how it was handled.

Now this DOES NOT justify Felix's Actions. He was still an a**hole. And Kagami shouldnt have told Felix. Marinette is Ladybug. That was NOT her secret to tell.

BUT the play that explained what happened was very well done. It explained a LOT about the Graham de Vanily family and Felix's a**hole father.

I will say that I hated how tortured Marinette was during this. Felix and Kagami could have done something less cruel to lure her there.

I also greatly enjoyed Chat noir vs Nightormentor. very good catharsis and we have Adrien going through some additional mental trauma, inflicted by his father (I wouldnt call it Ironic, more of EXPECTED)

I give it 7.5/10

I will say its the most I have enjoyed the second half of this season since Emotion.

[fallenclan]

vskldjf im glad you like Spottedember's design bcus she is so pretty and i need to sit down and draw her but im just so distracted to sit down and focus on doing that

but look at her she's my Main Character

literally fighting against saying "she has red hair, trauma, AND pronouns!" so hard rn and failing im failing

literally everything bad happens to her so much she's so miserable and sad now i love it <3

her moms killed her kittypet bio-mom and raised her to be Prim and Proper (haha get it bcus her mom's name is Primfoot? ...no? okay ill see myself out-) and she grew up when the clan was at war with literally every other clan (every single apprentice in her generation got scarred, some multiple times), and right after the wars stopped, a mass extinction event occured (cant remember what rn) and it killed her mom Rootshade who was deputy (Which is a WHOLE nother story involving cheating and affairs and WHY would you appoint the girl who cheated on ur husband deputy but anyway-), and the leader decided to make HER deputy?? for some reason?? she was just a baby??? (well okay she was 30 moons but still she's baby to me)

anyway she, Squirrelnut, and Hopestem became mates and I love to think that Squirrel and Hope always kept Spotted grounded and from freaking out cause she was so stressed from the pressure from her mom Prim and the responsibilities of being deputy in a clan that just really really likes being assholes and killing kittens. and i think they helped her be less like her mom/the rest of the clan to and try to choose kindness over violence. Hopestem actually got the message that she was a part of a prophecy!!! so i was like "these 3 are gonna make the clan good again"

and Spottedember became Spottedstar and you know the story---mass extinction event after mass extenction event decimated the clan until it was only Spottedstar, Squirrelnut, Skipnight (Hopestem's sister), and their kids. and it's really sad because all those apprentices Spottedstar has listed? most of those are all her kids, and specifically the kids born in "solo litters." Birchheather specifically kept getting injury after injury and didn't graduated until 15 moons, only to immediately die... during training sessions with them there would be messages where it said she didn't train them/did something else aside from training.

she's so traumatized and numb now, i love when horrible things happen

(its also really curious to me that her traits go from "childish" to "oblivious"... why? what's she being oblivious to? ...how evil her clan was? how abusive her parents were? things to think about)

(man i need to stop ranting and focus on my actual projects)

(hey also i think it's funny that both Swiftpaw her little brother and Swiftpaw her son died, especially because she totally named her son Swiftpaw after her brother. Swiftpaw's never live)

okay i should be drawing Mudsplash rn but. i just had to stop and do a quick doodle of Spottedstar hope thats okay teehee

of course you have red hair, trauma, two partners, an epic scar from the rat king, a rainbow collar, evil parents, and pronouns

[rnn11203]

Sorry for loving daigo i will continue to do so

Recentlyish i watched “high school return of a gangster” and it kinda made me think maybe thats how daigo was as a kid. I feel like he’d always have dojima family grunts around him as some sort of attempt to cozy up to sohei, i imagine this wouldve been horrible to his social life. I think in some way it’s kinda silly to imagine these yakuza grunts around a suspenders and bow tie wearing boy at an arcade or karaoke or something…. In reality im sure it would be way more miserable though.. but i like to think thats why daigo feels indebted to the clan

I can see his parents being too preoccupied to remember his birthdays so it’s cute to think that someone like kiryu/nishiki would take him out, though, i think kiryu and nishiki are both too young to have known daigo at that time. Any mob would do lol

But anyways my point was that i kinda like the idea that little daigo is a bit of an old man, he eats more traditional Japanese food, speaks in an older dialect, listens to older music, and as a teen probably drinks/smokes like he has the tastes of a 40yr old man.

Ahh i want to read more abt daigo and his parents,,,

[sloshys]

HI I WAS THE FIRST ANON AND YOURE SO FUCKING RIGHT. GOD.

I just think that Daan has this kinda like. Need to be towered over? I think thats why he interacts with the people who are kinda cold/uncaring/powerful most. I mean. He's found himself almost in every aspect of his life in a position where someone was constantly telling him what to do, and I feel like strong characters (like O'saa or karin) kinda fill that niche of "I need someone to boss me around and tell me what to do because I've lived my life at others whims and while I can hold my own for a good bit after a while I'm not sure what to do but asking for help would be too vulnerable so having someone be a higher up towards me gives me a sense of security but i will also kinda be a little shit about it so it doesnt seem so vulnerable" and with O'saa he's super blunt. Very much "I will do things my way wether you like it or not and you will follow my lead or get out my way." and I mean, hell he was a leader! He very much outwardly has control and leadership tendencies, even if inside he doesn't feel like he can ever truly fit the bill. Which is what Daan is looking for yknow? And O'saa, i just kinda think for O'saa its one of those things of he cant for the life of him figure out why he likes him so much, but then Daan starts talking to him about scholarly topics and they have discussions of religion, medicine, science, war, and other things and theres this draw of Daan's Intellegence paired with this strange need of "i want to see him happy, because his whole life hes been miserable and part of it reminds me of me and if i cant be happy then perhaps i can make someone else happy to fill the void" (touching on the whole joking between the two) but being as O'saa has an enlightened soul, i feel like he would be incredibly interested in what Daan has to say. If the two ever got the chance i feel theyd definitely debate between eachother. Imagine that one reaction meme image of the two scholars talking to eachother. Thats them i think. I feel like the two compliment eachother but in a way of like. They fill a niche the other is searching for. Neither are good with words, much less pda, but alone? I feel like if there ever was time alone in a different time in a different place their intimacy would be intense, passionate, and wordless. Nothing would really need to be said, just intimacy, a smoke on the balcony, and dinner in a perfect world. Other people may find their relationship seemingly loveless, but they just couldn't understand the wordless display of trust, of closeness, and of tenderness. How could they? The two have only ever really been truly vulnerable with the other, and I feel if conflict was to arise, they may argue, take a heated break, and then come back with a wordless apology and cook for eachother. Acts of service, cooking, and gift giving i feel would be something that again, if given the chance, the two would indulge in regularly. I feel if O'saa was being particularly sappy he'd maybe get Daan some expensive alcohol he'd been eyeing. As for Daan, I feel he'd get O'saa a nice clothing piece the other had been admiring. But that's in a life they'd never get, I suppose... sorry for rambling in your inbox, I care for them dearly PFT

Anon rn:

BUT FR LIKE IM SOSO GLAD TO RECIEVE THIS RESPONSE BC YOU EXPLAINED SO WELL WHAT I WAS THINKING

I put my thoughts down there i hope i was able to cover everything

Im going to start off in a daan analysis tangent real quick

Daan has been neglected by his cultist parents ever since he was a baby. He probably never got the proper feeling of security or personal growth as a child because he was always living to survive. Which worsened even more after the death of his parents, and was doomed to child labour very young. Im sure he never got to properly play or express himself as a kid until he got closer to Elise. But The only thing about himself he found worth talking about were his insane cultist parents. His life at the Baron’s mansion was everything he had, as were his studies of modern medicine. That's why he feels attracted to powerful and determined people like O'saa and Karin (and Marcoh too, I believe), who seem to know exactly what their own goals are and think they still have control over what is happening. Despite trying to do things on his own, he still craves company. He also wants to protect the younger ones, like Levi and Marina, because his ass is projecting! But the sad thing is that Daan can't be too dependent on these people and doesn't want to share too much of his past with them because it's very traumatic for him.

If the discussion had taken place, I think O’saa would have been very interested in Daan and his upbringing. Daan never followed the religions and cults of Europa and is aware of their danger. He prays to Sylvian not as an act of worship but to help those who are sick. He also ran away from Pocketcat his whole life and never wanted to give himself to him until depression hit him harder than before. This makes Daan rational, smart, and inquisitive. Which seem to be attractive traits for someone who possesses an enlightened soul.

TOTALLY AGREE ALSO ABOUT THESE TWO HAVING BIG BRAINED DISCUSSIONS O'saa proves himself to be a good listener to others feelings in the booth; Daan can be a very open-minded person; and they both have similar views about the use of magic. I agree that the way they show affection is when they’re both very intimate with each other. O’saa does not trust people lightly because, in his case, his greatest fear is manipulation due to the fact that his country is being invaded and controlled by Europa's religions, wars, and cults. So he only ever relied on himself, which is why he chose to be a yellow mage. I imagine it might take a great deal of time and trust for him to share his vulnerability and feelings with Daan. But they seem to both crave social interaction since they're both lonely at heart, so there might be a chance (we’re winning, girlies!). Either way, I agree with sappy O'saa, that's such an adorable concept and somehow fitting since he finds his own jokes funny. I hc that he’s very genuine when he talks about his emotions, and no matter how embarrassing they are, he always says them with a straight face. But Daan is so sappy too. They would write each other love letters; you cannot tell me otherwise.

Also, I thought of an ending for these two surviving the festival: Daan confessing to O’saa that he doesn’t have anything that waits for him and O’saa noticing the true meaning of those words. He feels a tinge of sympathy because Daan has lost everything to war and religion, and he can't bear to see him give up after surviving the gruesome festival. So O’saa proposes to make a deal to be his personal doctor because he plans to travel dangerously, defy the authority in his country to establish his own teachings, and rise to the top. Since Daan doesn’t have anything to lose, he agrees to it. I think that it is during those travels that they will slowly fall for each other. They might also find some closure on their pasts during those trips.

[leafing-charm-eb]

hi. i have an au to unpack so get ready wemen and men and people whose genders are bent

so... 2 much anxiety fairly oddparents au aha

SO BASICALLY its a pretty well known the fact that timmys life is miserable hence he got fairys but what if timmys parents are people who should get a divorce like if timmys parents isnt leaving timmy alone with vicky to do something and is at home they argue and what if timmy got cosmo and wanda a bit later than he did and what if vicky does things way worse.

so thats why timmy has so much anxiety for this au

now some of you may wonder from the fact that i am a nicktoons unite fan what happens in nicktoons unite!

well timmy isnt really so agressive only when provoked and since timmy already knows jimmy and trusts him he trusts the others too

now WHAT ABOUT MY DANNY AND TIMMY COUSINS HC (not the head cannon that timmy accidentally summons danny)

well for this i think the cousins never met each other till nu gang happened and LET ME TELL YA WHY

because for timmys parents and dannys parents just dont interact often. sure they call eachother from time to time but havent gone to each others places

or danny and timmy met before but timmy was so young he didnt remember (no this isnt a reference to forgor au i swear 😭)

im getting a bit off track so BACK TO 2ma

timmy before getting fairies (remember i said he got fairies later) sometimes cries himself to sleep or listen to music because timmys parents are so fucking loud when fighting at night.

the reason why cosmo and wanda was given to timmy later is because timmy would get vicky as a babysitter later because timmys parents are trying to fall in love again neglecting timmy

AND WHAT ABOUT CROCKEERRRR so crocker has a suspission to all of his class to have FAIRY 💥 GOD 💥 PARENTS (sorry i have to) and he does know that miserable children gets them (if you think about it timmys class are all miserable in thier own way like chester being poor but he shrugs it off.

timmy however before getting fairies is already having too much anxiety (see what i did there) and pretty much everyone notices that but his parents because they are lumps of shit so crocker began looking for evidence of fairy yod parents on timmy which well since timmy didnt have fairies yet and from how much crocker keeps looking there is no fairies he even asked timmy himself if he had fairies and timmy look up to crocker anxiety gilled thinking he missed something and ask whats a FAIRY 💥 GOD 💥 PARENTS and crocker still keeps looking but he just finds out timmy doesnt have fairies and how miserable timmy is to the point hes crying himself to sleep so he shrug it off and just thought timmy is just miserable but not miserable enough to have fairies. until timmy just shows up to class without anxiety and everyone is worried but that was the day timmy gets his fairies and as days go on and crocker gets suspicions again and boom the fop series but ill cut after poof seasons because no.

timmy is still a rulebreaker and even after getting fairies he still have anxiety becuase anxiety doesnt go away like that

but wait i have to talk about something..

JIMMYTIMMYPOWERHOUR

so yeah remember i said in the nicktoons unite bit that timmy trusts jimmy from jtph? yeah so-

timmy accidentally wishes to go there right and then met jimbo and hes a mad fuck lmfao.

it basically went "what the fuck who are you" "IM SORRY I DIDNT M-MEANT TO GET HERE I- I GOT HERE BY AC-ACCIDENT I DONT KNOW THIS PLACE WHERE AM I IM S-SORRY IF I BROKE ANYTHING IM SORRY-" aha..

and yknow the whole jtph happened but timmy have anxiety and stutters alot... alot.

lets just say for this au jimmy is the one who gets feelings first

so what about the other 2 jtph well its practically the same but yknow timmy anxiety and stutter but from one to another it lowers down.

EXTRAS

REMEMBER MY DANNY GETS SUMMONED BY TIMMY ACCIDENT HC? YEAH HE DID ACCIDENTALLY DO THAT AND BRO 2MA TIMMY IS APOLOGIZING SO MUCH BRUV

also uhh drawings of him becuase 💔

the first 2 i actually shared in discord earlier

gonna make more content for this but feel free to use this au

oh and one more thing to note here when hanging out with the nu gang as buddies not beating up baddies when timmy meets gary he loves him. he practically loves all pets but gary is just yes there is no meaning behind it just timother loevs snials

[juanitasupreme]

some of my favorite min hee jin quotes

"is this north korea?"

"they want to kill me"

"newjeans parents called and asked if i was going to kill myself"

"im tender hearted, thats why i dont speak eloquently, thats why im fucking saying all of this"

lawyer "you shouldnt say this now"

mhj "but i wanna say it"

my favorite

"you think you're miserable now, ive been miserable for 10 years"

another iconic quote

"i dont go to source music, i dont stay at work or make friends"

she is truly unhinged and i was gagging reading that whole transcript

this bullying scandal is worse than mina vs aoa khjendsfhjcnAD;

[itspkuwu]

EEnE characters ranked (MY OPINION)

Let’s cut right to the chase, because I really wanna put this out there.

Lee Kanker is in last place. She gets lower than F tier. Where Marie and May had moments where they seemed to genuinely care about each other, Lee just sits there, manipulates, and spreads cruelty. And as for the times where Marie and May were fighting/being mean etc? Well, I have a theory. Remember in Big Picture Show where we see that Lee has a third eye? You know who else has a third eye for no good reason…?

DEMONS. LEE IS AN ACTUAL DEMONIC MENACE WHO BRAINWASHES HER SISTERS JUST TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL MISERABLE. AND EVEN THEN SHE MISTREATS HER “MINIONS” TOO.

And remember when Nazz kissed Double D and Eddy on the cheek? Compare that to how they react to the Kanker’s kisses. How big those lips are… that specific shade of red… the way the Ed boys become horrified every single time…

THE LIP STICK IS CREATED BY LEE AND HAS DARK MAGIC INSIDE OF IT. THATS MY THEORY. IM STICKING TO IT. SCREW YOU LEE.

(that was a joke lolol)

Everybody in the “lol why” tier it’s just an object that isn’t Plank or I haven’t seen those episodes yet. So I can’t really give my thoughts yet.

Rolf’s animals get their own tier. They have an amazing caretaker :3

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH DORK DORK DORK DORK ITS KEVIN DJDJUDUFHDBRJRIRID.

He’s just a jerk lol.

Eddy’s brother (whose name is apparently Tarry??) is also a jerk. But he makes a pretty cool antagonist. And he just makes me like Eddy even more.

also i feel like he would be a tumblr sexy man

Mildred blinks at you :D

Plank is an immortal God who will one day rule the world. This is my canon.

I REALLY wish we could have seen more of what happened to Jonny post Big Picture Show. Him being “The Gourd” and having a villain arc just sounds super fun. Other than that he’s just a weird kid. I like him.

Don’t let Jimmy fool y’all. He’s a lil maniac. He probably gets it from Sarah. And it’s always a shocker to me given how much he acts so innocent and harmless. He’s a pretty neat anti hero.

I KNOW I SHOULD HATE SARAH. But I feel like there’s more to her than meets the eye. I honestly think her parents taught her the hate her big brother. If they weren’t around, she probably wouldn’t been to mean to him. Making me feel extremely sympathetic for both of them. And at least she looks after Jimmy, giving her redeeming qualities.

To be honest this show needs a character like Nazz. Everything has to be balanced out with someone who isn’t constantly out to get something, being mean, or acting like a weirdo. But yes, she does have her moments, which are rightfully deserved. Plus, I just really like her chill and hippie way of going about.

Marie Kanker and May Kanker are being ranked together. The potential they have to be redeemed is through the roof. They deserve so much better. If Lee wasn’t around to mess with their heads, I think they would be truly happy. Marie could spend her days jamming out and living on the edge, while May is cute and ditzy and a voice of reason at times. Plus both of their hairstyles are really eye candy for me.

The Ed boys are also being ranked together. What else can I say that hasn’t been said already? The way these three bounce off of each other is extremely enjoyable and definitely gets good laughs out of me. I know they have their moments where they aren’t so friendly, but you don’t always have to get along with someone for you to still love them. And when the gentle giant goof, the soft hearted nerd, and the selfish man with a heart of gold do get along, it’s sweeter than jawbreakers :)

AND NOW WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE TRUE GOD. THE LIGHT IN DARK TIMES. THE DIAMOND WITHIN THE DIRT. THE ONLY BOY ON THE SHOW WITH A GOOD HAIRCUT.

ROLF. THE SON OF A SHEPHERD.

Rolf is hands down one of if not the best side character in animation history. He’s a goober for one thing. But a goober that’s gets us to take him seriously. You do not mess with this man. His pride is enough to break you leg. And yet, he still manages to be one of the nicest characters in the show. He’s so friendly and upbeat! And when he isn’t… his dark side is also a fun time.

And another thing, he’s a fish out of water. Which also allows the viewer to feel sympathetic for him. Like in Wish You Were Ed. Seeing Rolf cry is something you’d never think you’d see, but when you do, it makes you feel a somber emotion you had no idea existed. It’s amazing.

yeah, Rolf is amazing.

Also I asked my sister if she wanted to dance to That’s My Horse at her wedding and she said no. What a loser right?

So uh, that’s my list. Hope you enjoyed.

Go hug a chicken.

[semi-imaginary-place]

umineko ep 4

Yup time travel/witch time outside of reality hypothesis is a go after all ange should be 6 not 18. Paranoid eva. Only family? Doesn't ange have kyrie's side of the family? Really says how miserable eva is that she thinks the ushiromiya fortune is the worst fate possible. Huh so eva did keep the witch title. You're beatrice and youre beateice and you're beatrice are there any other beatrice's i should know about? 4 beatrices so far. There's probably more. Ange is soooooo special isnt she. Why do ange and battler have red hair no one else has red hair and ange's parents are kyrie (silver) and rudolph (black)

Ep 4. love the implication that both battler and beatrice don't want their game to end. Landedelta suspects beato isn't taking this seriously. And ange accuses battler of playing around having tea and snacks and making friends with beatrice

Ange queen of hallucinations. Ange's like is like a movie least grounded character yet. Bullied rich girl left alone with fabulous fortune and targeted by shady organization oh and she has magic power and a witch mentor and her dead cousin as a companion i've heard this before this feels like some lonely middle school girl's self insert power fantasy. Soul maria so i guess she's in the meta game now too. Ange main character setup.

What's im mostly surprised with is that reality outside of the typhoon is malleable. I got a hint with george and shannon's or jessica and kanon's inconsistent relationship between episodes. But kinzo already being dead before the conference is on a much bigger scale.

rosa should really not be in charge of a child. She's abusive first of all and she's so busy as a working single parent that she's neglectful. But in the 1980s the family doesn't really have options. Japans foster system is already pretty bad today and it was worse 40 years ago. The other ushiromiyas all have issues. Eva would be the worst, tormenting her. Kraus and natsuhi would look down on her. Rudolph would too. There's no where for maria to go. And of course maria's loneliness is exacerbated by her social isolation. Rosa doesn't have good family relations, dating is hard enough as a working adult let alone the single parent of a special needs kid and the stigma. Maria is bullied at school and has no friends. So outside of rosa maria has no one in her daily life and she barely has rosa. Japanese work place culture is brutal as is but add in the patriarchy and it's crushing for women and worse in the 80s. Maria's pretty strong. Rosa does deserve a life outside of work and maria but yeah the trials of a single mom and in the end i'd say it's vastly harder on maria who is the kid. Rosa is an adult sooner or later people have to grow up and take responsibility for their actions yeah yeah your miserable and in pain and your life is hard but maria's is much harder. Rosa really shouldn't be a parent. Also that social worker saw rosa throw a tantrum and didnt do anything afterwards.

Umineko really is for the girlies. Nourish your inner girl and believe in your own magic power. You can be a witch and you can be a witch and you can be a witch as long as you believe. And thats why so many witches look young. It was the middle school version of eva that became a witch not the adult one. Maria was preserved as a child. Ange gains power by reconnecting with her girlhood. The power of romance. Also all the women peg so hard you can't tell me Beatrice, eva, kyrie, etc dont top.

So lamda and maybe battler beatrice and ange want an eternal stalemate. But why did lamda threaten beatrice that she better win.

Such a prestigious school but the staff are useless. Take a knife and carve up their faces what's the worst that could happen expulsion? If you want something done gotta do it yourself.

I miss battler he looks so fun to mess with. Poor battler it hasn't been brought up but asumu tied down rudolph who loved kyrie so battler was born in a loveless marriage where his dad was blatantly cheating on his wife. And then his mom dies.

Rosa really shouldn't be a parent. Don't have kids if you don't want them and aren't willing to take responsibility. Like you dont just ditch the kid to go on vacation behind their back constantly you tell them you'll be gone one time and get a babysitter and spend more time with the kid. Rosa is just trying to hide her child neglect and abuse. Ah good child welfare showed up let's see if they actually do anything

i wonder how much of ep 3 was true. Kumasawa is still around and virgilia is in the same scene. What about that scene with baby beatrice and virgilia was that faked? Or what about beatrice killing virgilia. If the whole true witch thing was a lie how did Beatrice regain her power as endless and golden witch. Or did she never give it up the titles and there are multiple golden witches at once i mean ange's there at the same time. The events can be faked but there was a lot of magic mechanics in ep3 and now i doubt all of it.

Everyone needs therapy

And now they're talking about dungeon play why the hell is this series so kinky

wait the letters with the bank safes... Did kyrie get one days early or something? This scene draws a sharp contrast between the magic characters and the human ones. The magic ones are mostly girls magical powerful childish violent extreme cartoonish they seem like just that fictional characters. The human world ones tend to be adult subdued dull by comparison and more realistic. I prefer the human side the demons and stakes are too anime girl for me. And ange is right at the border of worlds maybe a bit more of the magic side to battlers slightly more on the human side maybe.this really drives home some of the main themes of perspective and girlhood magic

For 2 of the 72 whatever demons arent gaap and ronove kinda weak. This episode especially with the witch's alliance and the bunny band and last ep's reveal with hideyoshi's cigarette, and all the witches and magic this story is increasingly starting to sound like maria's delusion world written in her diary.

Beato's taunting battler this time to force her into submission, just like kinzo. And this is setting off like 15 alarms. 1 kinzo continues to be the worst ever. 2 beatrice has issues i remember earlier ep2? When she talked about love and i was like damn girl who hurt you. But the whole you can own all of me my face my soul my body my power or whatever what is up with that. Ok now they're just blatantly flirting. Aw battler feels unwanted.

Ok so there's some sort of family thing. But why is beato ao hurt by battler not remembering? Also "the study was empty" beatrice burned kinzo but maria survived. Actually in terms of being kinzo's grandchild who battler's mom is doen't matter since kinzo's bloodline is through rudolph. Although now i wonder if battler is another magic summon like sakutaro or witch eva like someone wished wished so hard he became a real boy.

Welp battler's gone o7 ange real main character. Generational trauma the girls are fighting! Oh ange you were 6 it was not your job to fix your aunt. Ange learning sympathy and compassion for all the terrible women she meets. Black vs white magic curses vs healing hatred love generational abuse. Gonna stab kinzo. Of course despite all this black white magic talk ange and the stakes on white magics side brutally murder a bunch of people.

Of course bernkastel is as crazy as the rest, she's a witch. Kinzo being dead the whole time is wild what is up with the kinzos seen ep 1-4. I'm starting to think the episodes are all interpretations of the rokenjima incident but only ep3? Had eva survive and multiple bottle letters were found. Actually what even happened at the end with battler stabbing Beatrice with blue truths and begging him to kill her. But then he stays in the golden land/hell and is flund dead.

Bern sabotaged any chance of ange and eva healing and becoming family, tricked a 6 year old.

Kinzo's hair is naturally white? Why do all his kids have brown hair.

[bastardrobocop]

not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

[bestbeeking]

tell us your SpongeBob headcannons (I’m doing this so that you’ll be busy and leave me alone)

YOU CAME UP WITH THEM WITH ME BUT OK LMFAO[im just gonna copy and paste the list from the website]

squidward is nonbinary but was bullied for it so they just preetend they're fine being a man and is very depresso

SPONGEBOB IS AROACE AND VERY DEPRESSO (but he doesn't want other people to be sad by him being sad so he act not sad)

spongebob and squidward are married for tax benefits[mr krabs doesnt pay them enough]

Patrick is a cult leader and is secretly a billionare

Patrick uses patrick/star pronouns

MR KRABS AND PLANKTON AND KAREN ARE MARRIED FOR TAX BENEFITS[mr krabs wants to pay less]

Plankton is bullied for being short (also his human form dresses like a steampunk evil villan) (think the guy from lorax plus more steampunk and minus height) (see: (link tothe musical thing)

Sandy is bi and left texas becasue her parents kicked her out

gary is gary[<3333 -bee]

Squidward likes dresses because theyre the only clothes they can wear without having to alter them to fit their four legs ok so squidward was born male but came out as trans[nonbinary] in second grade, but then he was bullied horribly so he pretended to be cis and thats part of why he’s so miserable. so in the story we were going to write and never did squidward attempts suicide but fails and is in a coma for a while and during it his hair grows out and when he wakes up he’s like ‘oh i kinda like how my hair looks now’ so he decides to go to work with it but SpongeBob/krabs like teases him for it so he cuts it again and then SpongeBob grows out his hair for squidward sorta idk this isn’t well planned and then SpongeBob is like ‘wow I’m nonbinary’ and squidward is like ‘oh me too’ and they get a happy ending. alternatively, squidward could get teased by SpongeBob and attempt suicide again and succeed and then everyone is sad idk

…….what am i doing with my life

[alphabet-p00p]

i cant really explain it i just feel like giving up all the time i feel sad i feel fatigued my head feels tired of overthinking i feel no motivation to go on and i see no future. i feel like trying to live in spite of this is living a certain lie. i need to find a therapist but i dont even know what kind of help i need. i probably need a few therapists and theyre all probably busy. i dont have the time i dont have the money i feel awful im just wasting money. i cant drop out of school because ive already sunk so much money in but i think i know at the core of it i dont want it because my parents want me to do it and i let myself get wrapped up in something i didnt really want which always happens always happens always happens. i keep some of the bad memories away with weed but then i become more reliant on it and ive thought about quitting but i get so so bored without it thats another thing the boredom always always.

i have been thinking about what life would look like for people if i did kill myself. i am really struggling in so many ways and i know people are struggling worse so i feel selfish and weak about that. i just look at my mountain of work and know there is nothing to save me.

my girlfriend made me a room and the only time i slept in it was when they were blackout drunk and i was mad at them and but really they had just given themself a concussion. im sick of feeling trapped like this too. why cant you fucking pull your weight. but theyre the only one who helps me.

winters are always bad and then theres college. it always starts like this too i fall behind and then its catch up for the next two months. but this time the fails feel even lower and the wins dont feel like anything. lately i have been taking every bad grade and correction and comment and critique so so personally and i have been really sensitive about negative comments towards me but at the same time been a miserable hater. this happens a lot too during the school year. i attribute this to my own stress and my own frustration at not being at a school that actually specializes in what i do. im too far into a life i dont want and will be saddled with it for the rest of my life and im too far in to even start over or clear it all. i see this debt as something holding me back from running away. running away from my parents and running away from myself i guess.

i cant go on like this but i dont know what to do. i keep thinking about how peoples lives would go on if i died. im so tired.

[teruthecreator]

one dumb little thing i wanna touch on that im curious why people do is when they age up the mop kids they always give ritsu like. a serious job. like a lawyer or some shit. and like dont get me wrong i think thats a good job for him, but i just feel like it doesnt embody the kinda revelation he has as a kid and like. the growth he experiences???

like ritsu is one of the smartest kids in the country. he does sports, hes on the student council, hes immensely popular, and girls think hes cute. but he's also miserable. like, objectively unhappy with where he's at because he's constantly reaching for the unattainable goal of having psychic powers (and finally bridging the impossible gap between him and his brother that hes been too scared to touch for all these years). he's seen as the model kid by everyone, but he hates being defined by this. he wants more than this--he wants to rebel.

so he does! he does something he knows is wrong and stupid because, well, he'd like to do something wrong and stupid right now to counteract all the good, normal things he's been doing his whole life. and then, through his compounding guilt at seeing what his rebellion is doing to others, he obtains the unobtainable: he gets psychic powers. his lifes goal is complete! and he's only like...13.

so, the question becomes: what does he want now? or, more accurately, what did he want truly?

he answers that whilst fighting shimazaki. he wanted that devotion to something; he wanted something he could strive for and dedicate himself wholeheartedly to. and now that he's obtained the psychic powers, he's no longer estranged from his brother. they're on equal playing fields (for the most part) and he doesn't have to be afraid anymore. so now? now he just wants to have fun!

so like. as much as i think ritsu continues to maintain his grades, extracurriculars, and whatnot, i doubt that is what he considers to be fun. i think he enjoys partaking in some good-humored mischief with sho and teru, or to just spend a day lounging with his brother. i think he allows himself to be more than just the model kid; he lets himself be himself.

which brings me back to what happens when he gets older.

frankly, i dont think ritsu goes to college.

at least, not right away. i think, for him, the world is still so young and new and bright and he wants to take it for all its worth now. i think he and sho travel the world a bit (sho doesn't go to college for a myriad of reasons, mainly boiling down to "fuck that we ball"), and when they return to japan ritsu just. chills! develops some hobbies. talks to friends. visits mob at his dorm and listens to him talk about his classes (rlly good fic ive read made mob a speech therapist and that works sooooo well so something like that maybe). goes home to see his parents and show them photos of his travels.

i think ritsu, for the first time in his life, lets himself just have fun. and i think he wouldn't be trying to tie himself down to any major work until he's had as much fun just being free.