#thats the shit he probably wrote

[thewitchqueen281]

I'm simply obessed with Harris bomberguy saying 90% of James Somertons shit isn't his and then todd a few hours later coming up and saying and the 10% that is is bullshit.

[ganondoodle]

I fully understand the pain you feel with TLOZ now. I mean, I understood it before, but after Arcane becoming League's canon, after watching the second season, I feel so broken and conflicted and like I spent time loving something just for it to amount to nothing.

reliving my totk nightmares just a few months after finally being able to cope with that

[calkale]

i cannot wait to get out of school so i never have to be around kids using ai for their work again 😐

[hexados-on-a-string]

jesse absolutely reads fanfic. one time he quotes one and realises it far too late and everyones like "wow thats a rlly fancy poetic quote" and he has to lie and make up a play that its from and he thinks hes got away with it bc its not like anyones gonna check and its not like the others know much about theatre. hes had to bribe plitheon so many times to not say anything bc u know he wants to. then lena searches it up and its from something like a fuckin lightning mcqueen x onceler hurt/comfort 150k slow burn smut fic.

[mxrtified777]

searching through the Ancient Texts (old sketchbooks) for anything i may have written about Adonis when i made him because i dont remember having like. a solid description of his personality

[arolesbianism]

Y'know I should talk abt Otto more. I may have not that many thoughts on them but they're my special lil guy who torments me everyday by having the fun writing quirk of being actively misgendered when no other nonbinary character is to my knowledge. I also think they're a transfem nonbinary egg.

[falloutstasis]

Picking up the little extras of life

Kelsey didn't think she'd find the Super Duper Market, but she did. Somehow, it was a little bigger than the ones she saw back at Washington, D.C or Boston. That or the structure was a little different.

"Finally, I found it." She lifted up the old walkie-talkie that was given to her and The Ghoul.

She raised it next to her head. "Hey, Mr. Ghoul. I found the market."

From the other end of the walkie-talkie, she could hear the Ghoul's voice. "Well, do you see the target?"

She looked through the window and as expected, it was in ruins. Not only it was in ruins, there was no one in there. It was a little to creepy. Viola told her that there should be a bunch of raiders in there and there wasn't in the building.

"Nope. Coast looks clear, so I'm going to go inside to see if I can find Michael."

Michael was the one who kept terrorizing a town in the Boneyard with his gang of raiders. In the same town that the Ghoul was resting in. It just so happened that Kelsey was also in the same town, saving the towns folk of the area. After treating the Ghoul with minor injuries, she was tasked into killing Michael and whatever raiders that got in her way.

The Ghoul, was a well known bounty hunter, gave this job to Kelsey instead and he told her that if she finishes this job, he'll agree to hiring her as his doctor.

Of course, Kelsey was no stranger to the merc job business, so she agreed to the terms.

When she entered the market, she was meet with a loud banging noise that caught her off guard. It can be heard at the other end of the walkie-talkie because Kelsey's was left on and The Ghoul heard her screaming.

She could feel the Ghoul's shit eating grin at his end of the walkie-talkie. "Shut up."

"I never said anything."

"Shut. Up."

The market was pretty much bigger, given how it looked on the outside. One of the first things she saw was an old movie poster on the wall. It looked like a wild west movie poster and when she got close to it, at the bottom middle of the post it read "STARRING COOPER HOWARD".

"Huh."

"What did you find?"

"Some old wild west movie poster with a cowboy on the cover. It's called 'The Man from Deadhorse.' Starring Cooper Howard."

When she read the movie title dramatically, there were soft giggles in the background from the Ghoul's walkie-talkie, probably the children that heard her talk.

"If I'm being honest, he kinda looks like an asshole."

There was this awkward pause between her and the Ghoul.

"Hey?"

There was no response. She kept going and as she did, she ran up to a couple of feral ghouls, which she took care with ease with her Plasma Defender.

"Hello? EARTH TO THE COWBOY IN TOWN! ARE YOU THERE?"

"Hey, don't fucking yell, alright?" Finally, the Ghoul's voice rang through the walkie-talkie. This time he sounded a little too annoyed. "I'm still here."

"Geez, I was trying to see if you still there."

"Yeah, and that's probably why the ghouls to you because you were yelling so loud."

Now it was Kelsey's turn to be annoyed. "Hey, you don't have to get snippy with me! I was concerned!"

"Michael, I hear someone!"

Kelsey quickly hid behind a shelve and put on her mask. From there, she could hear yelling not to far away to where she was.

"Michael, someone blasted these feral ghouls to smitheries! Someone's been here!"

"Don't panic, moron! Let me handle this..."

Michael stepped out from a room, got him to appear in front where all the freezers used to be.

"Fucking show yourself, you coward! We know your out there!"

She didn't reveal herself. Instead, she continued to yell, "Oh, that's real rich, tough guy! You go over to a town, sneak attack defenseless people, you blind side The Ghoul by shotting his leg, and you almost shot a child! If anyone is a coward here is you, asshole!"

"Well, it's a real good thing I don't give a shit, do I? It's a tough world out there and someone's gotta teach those kids a lesson."

As she was talking to Michael, she was getting her Laser Scythe, Duality, set up. She grabbed the two handles and combined them into one.

"Well, guess what."

With one twist, it locked the scythe and a purple laser blade appeared at the top of the scythe.

"I don't care either."

The raider just so happened to be near the shelve where Kelsey was hiding behind. So with enough force, she was able to push the shelve as fast as she could, crushing and killing the raider instantly.

To make sure the raider was actually dead, she took on swift strike through the shelve and through the body. There was blood pouring out on the floor and some of it got to the shelve, so it was safe to say she got him.

This action scared the hell out of Michael and caused him to stumble backwards.

"I'm gonna make sure you'll never hurt those kids again. For good."

"N-No..no, no!"

No other words had been said, because Micheal's head was cut through his neck. After killing him, she started searching for his belongings. But the item she was looking for wasn't with him.

"Shit."

"Hey, you okay there? You went dark for a moment there."

Kelsey quickly grabbed the walkie-talkie, put away Duality, and responded to The Ghoul. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Michael's dead, by the way."

"Well done, grasshopper. Come back with his finger and we'll work out the terms for working with me. Also Viola said she'll reward you when you get back."

Right away, Kelsey stopped dead in her tracks. "Wait, wait, wait." She pinched where the bridge of her nose used to be. "I'm literally 45 years old. I'm not a grasshopper."

"Yeah, well I'm over 200 years old. So that makes you the grasshopper."

Kelsey groaned in annoyance, putting the walkie-talkie on her belt. "Whatever, old man."

She kept looking for the item she was looking for and entered into the room that Michael was just in. She basically ransacked the entire area until she found a stitched up teddy bear with purple paint stains on its ear and the belly area.

"Found it!"

She took the teddy bear and put it in her bag. From the small pocket on her bag that was on the side, she grabbed a combat knife and went over to Michael's dead body. She did her best cutting the index finger off of the hand, below the knuckle.

"Time to head back."

The minute she turned around, there were a bunch of ghouls making her way. She could have sworn that she saw at least a dozen of them in the area. Some of them were still crawling through the various holes on the wall and the roof.

"Huh. No wonder there was just two raiders here."

"You made a lot of noise again, didn't you?"

"Shut up!"

She raced towards the ghouls and swinged her scythe to the ones that got in between her the way out of the Super Duper Market.

[wp100]

i watched that documentary(?) of the repair shop dude learning how to read and my god it must suck to have dyslexia, and difficulty reading/learning how to read

it's hard to comprehend when you already know because you don't have that. really sad to hear the amount of people who fall through the cracks and never learn and never get the support they need :(

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Johnny Lawrence’s daughter

Johnny Lawrence x daughter!reader

warnings: alcohol, underage drinking, classic johnny sexism <3

a/n: WHAT! ME write a fic thats not gn, i know. im shocked too but its just bc i feel johnny is so gender-stereotypey that doing this gn wouldn’t work very well but very open to a son!r or nb!r if anyone is interested (bc seriously. johnny cannot help but bring up genders). also i just want to say that a lot of this (not all!) honestly reminds me of or are actual things that have happened w my dad bc johnny is literally my dad if my dad was like 8 years older i think also i wrote this all in one sitting ALSO NO COBRA KAI SEASON 6 SPOILERS

prompt:

GIRL DAD!

you always kinda just gravitated toward living with your dad

“y/n, i’m so proud of you. i never have to worry about you. you can take care of yourself. robby on the other hand, i worry about him. i think girls are just more self sufficient” -johnny, a little drunk

“thanks dad” -you, also a little drunk (hes a “cool dad”)

he was the type of parent that “prefers that if you’re gonna do something stupid at least do it while he’s around” aka underage drinking

whenever he stays out late you fall asleep in his bed. and lock him out

“y/n! open the door!” -johnny, banging on the door

“no! your bed is more comfortable” -you

he thought it was sweet honestly but he did want to sleep in his bed

sort of like a lesson not to come home late all drunk and gross

he was VERY against letting you drive his car

“dad, i need my license!” -you

“no woman is getting behind the wheel of my firebird” -johnny

“why do you have to make it about women? i’ll fight you” -you

“you’ll lose that fight” -johnny

“oh, so you’d fight a teenage girl? wow, real classy, dad” -you

“no, but i’d fight my teenage daughter. i brought you into this world and i’ll take you out” -johnny

you honestly had a great sense of humor with johnny, but you’d check him if he said anything too messed up

“dad, it’s not the 80’s anymore, you can’t say that” -you

“dont tell me what i can and cant say! the 80’s were awesome, i wish it was the 80’s again” -johnny

“so i’ve heard” -you

he helped you with your homework as a kid until like, 2nd grade when multiplication and division got involved

he did teach you karate growing up! but mostly the basics, for self defense purposes

“hey, never let any guy try to impress you with his karate skills. he’s probably a douche” -johnny, pausing “i sure was”

late night movie marathons (70s/80s classics for sure)

he took care of you during your first hangover (high school parties, ya know)

“didn’t i teach you better than to mix liquors” -johnny

“ugghhhh” -you

yes, you have heard about daniel larusso. enough said LMAO

robby and you had a kind of sweet but distant relationship

occasional check-in texts

robby: are you doing okay with dad? he’s actually buying food and shit?

you: yeah! he’s fine right now, how’s mom? new stepdad yet? is he rich?

robby: mom’s not going anywhere she’d find a rich guy, but keep dreaming

you wear a lot of your dad’s old t-shirts. usually band tee’s

oh and he made sure you got into the “right music”

he used to drive you around in the firebird when you were a SMALL CHILD (front seat, no car seat!) and blast his old cassettes

for YEARS he’d pull the “who is this” “what song is this” game with the reasoning:

“if you wear a band shirt and some asshole asks you to name three songs, i want you to name ten” -johnny

listen. you were still “daddy’s girl” or whatever used to be a cute little saying and is now ruined but whatever

“dad, can i have twenty bucks?” -you

“for what” -johnny

“for fun. pleaseeee” -you

*johnny pulls out his wallet and gives you $40*

could he afford it? no. can he say no? also no.

the absolute fear he felt when you got your first period

“it’s fine, i can call mom” -you

“no, it’s not fine! i’ve had girlfriends before, i got this. stay here, i’ll be back” -johnny

he went to the store and bought the most random assortment of period products and pain meds and snacks and a heating pad

A for effort

when the diaz family moved in across from you guys, miguel took one look at you and johnny said:

“stay away from my daughter”

when the karate fuss got started you tried to keep your distance but sooner or later you joined the dojo and proved to your dad just how “badass” you could be

“take notes everyone, y/n’s gonna be the next all valley champ!” -johnny

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @retvenkos // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @an4aaa // @summersimmerus // @xoxobabydolls // @sapphireplums // @petersgroupie // @ravenhood2792 // @evilcr0ne // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @elenavampire21 // @elemental-of-magic //

[thepitlanepress]

I DON'T LIKE IT –

↳ lando norris + bestfriend!reader

⌗ :: masterlist

⌗ :: a/n: im actually in a lando phase (maybe its bc i f1 is gone for months) but its effecting me so much so im blessing you all with JEALOUS/POSSESSIVE LANDOOOO AHHEHE. merry christmas my lovelies <33 (also if this is bad im sorry i was extremely tired when i wrote this lol)

usually you don't like going out with lando. the clubs, partying, drinking it wasn't exactly your scene.

so when he insists you come out with him to celebrate the constructors championship, you can't exactly say no. hence, the short fitting black dress, and nicely done, hair and makeup that you've put on. when you go out, you go out, it just doesn't happen very often.

"are you nearly done?" lando's voice calls out from the living room as he waits for you.

"yeah, i'm coming now," you call back, walking down the stairs and mentally preparing yourself to talk and interact with people.

you grab the car keys off the small table in the hallway and make your way into the living room your footsteps announcing your presence to lando, he turns around and slightly falters in his movements when he sees you.

"uh, wow, okay," he says looking you up and down slowly, his eyes raking over your body.

"what?" your brows bunch and you look down at your outfit. "i thought it looked good, is there something wrong?"

"uh... no, no, you look amazing, i just wasn't expecting you to look so nic-"

"you weren't expecting me to look nice?" you raise your voice playfully.

"no, no, no i- uh- no- look... shit," lando mutters looking down and shaking his head. "you look amazing, seriously. i just forgot how well you can pull off a black dress."

you smile, and chuck the keys towards him, "i can pull off anything lando norris, even you. and that's not something everybody can do." you wink and walk back out through the hallway to the car.

"you can pull off me?"

"yeah, not every girl can have lando norris on her arm and still be the centre of attention. there are perks to being your best friend you know."

"and there are perks to being yours," lando says unlocking the car and sliding into the drivers seat. you feel the safest when he's driving, always trusting him when he's behind the wheel.

"oh really?" you ask looking over at him. "like what?"

"you," he murmurs backing out of the driveway. you don't hear him though, too distracted by a text you received from your sister.

–––

he didn't like it, you could tell. was it the murderous looks he was sending in the direction of the guy's - who's name you've already forgotten - or was it the looks he was sending you, heated and something else? both probably.

he wasn't even focused on the crowd around him dancing and drinking their nights away.

when the guy started getting too handsy that is when you felt lando's hand wrap around your waist and causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach - which you promptly ignored.

"leave her alone, mate. she's mine," lando's voice comes out harsh his anger directed towards the man who steps back apologising - typical of him to only step back when another man steps in.

"oh sorry, i didn't know," he slurs and walks off, most likely to go puke in some poor person's handbag.

you're about to spin around in lando's arms and thank him for rescuing you but you stop short at the expression on his face. "what?" you look down at your outfit. "is it the same thing from earlier? what's wrong?"

"i don't like it."

"don't like what?" you ask furrowing your brows.

"when other people touch you," he responds quietly his voice low and tempting. thats new.

"oh," you reply slightly dumbfounded. in all your years of knowing lando norris you've always had hidden feelings for him, sure there were points when said feelings were buried deep deep down, but they were always there.

and you always thought they were never reciprocated but they way lando is looking at you right now is... something new. something you like... a lot.

"i don't like people thinking they can just touch you. they can't. because you're mine not theirs. you're my best friend. you're my person. you're not theirs to touch or hold or flirt with, because you're mine."

his arms tighten around your waist as if he's expecting you to run away at any moment.

"oh my," you breathe. "i don't know what to say."

"tell me you feel the same way, tell me that i can be yours, because you're mine, and i'm not letting you go anytime soon."

"possessive are we?" you chuckle trying to diffuse the tension because he's probably drunk, he's going to wake up in the morning and apologise about this insisting he doesn't know what he was talking about and how sorry he was.

its happened so many times before.

your heart gets crushed every time. so you don't go out with him to avoid it.

but tonight this feels different.

"i haven't had a sip of alcohol tonight, this is the most clearheaded i've ever been in a long time... please talk to me."

"lando," you whisper. your heart is teetering on the edge of being shattered to pieces and finally telling the truth. you're walking a thin line between the two hoping to fall on the right side. "i don't want this to be like those other times when you wake up in the morning apologising for what you say."

"i never meant those apologies. i remember all those nights, i lied," he breathes swaying with you to the music. "i freaked out in the morning because you would always want to talk about what happened, and your face was always so distrusting so i shut it down pretending i didn't know what happened."

"really?" you're tilting on the line, swaying from side to side waiting for the words that are going to make or break you.

"really. i've been in love with you ever since the day you stopped to pick a flower that reminded you of me."

"lando," you give him a look. "that was like the second time we met."

"and i've been yours ever since." he smiles at you, his eyes filled with clear adoration, which quickly turns to a pissed off look when someone steps up behind you and asks for a dance. "piss off mate, we're clearly talking."

you smile and don't even bother to look back at the man, everything you've ever wanted is standing in front of you and offering himself on a platter for you. and you're tired, so tired of staying on the ledge between friends and more,

so you take the leap.

pulling him imperceptibly closer you wrap your arms around his neck and hug him tightly whispering in his ear, "i'm yours too."

you can physically feel his body relax and mold around yours - a perfect fit of course.

if you fall, it will hurt for sure, but this moment, right now; flying with him, together, will be worth it if you do.

2024 © thepitlanepress | please do not steal, use, translate or repost any of my works

[deansbite]

✴ ( ᴗ ᴗ 　BACK STAGE SECRETS !

— CONTAINS 18+ mdni!!! | quickie | pwp | p in v | creampie ( kill me now ) | unprotected sex ( WRAP IT UP YOU FUCKIN' IDIOTS!!!!! ) | public sex | smut smut & more smut

PS > @floralscented @jasvtsc @frosttbitessam @deansbeer @beausling my baes who i think look forward to this. this is ass btw dont mind it its a blurb i wrote in like 30 or ish minutes

— SUMMARY jensen gets horny. ( thats quite literally it )

JENSENS hands travelled down your body. every curve and inch of your skin he could touch was beneath his fingertips. his lips finally came around and wrapped around the exposed skin of your shoulder. his hands went lower and finally settled on your hips. his fingers were curved just a little to get a better grip.

“jen..” you groaned under your breath. he let out a breathy chuckle which tickled the skin of your shoulder. he slowly let go of the area with his plump lips.

ever so gently his hand went up to bend you over the very table he had a conversation at with his co-stars. shit, maybe this was more arousing than you would’ve thought.

“y’sure you’ll be quiet?” he whispered, his bearded chin coming into contact with the very same spot he marked up, the spot that was imensely more sensitive. a whine escaped your lips. “guess not.” his free hand roamed upwards and being used as a gag for you.

“i have t’be on stage soon. can’t be found with my dick all nicely sat in ya can i now?” he asked, but the answer was obvious.

he trapped his bottom lip between his teeth to stifle the moan when he positioned himself properly to your entrance. he drove his hips forward. it was quick-paced but, you knew it was necessary. he let go of his lip and threw his head back, a breathy — yet quiet groan escaping his lips. he was way better at this than you.

because usually.. you needed more prep to get him to fit as well as he did. no matter how many times you’ve been together intimately, he was huge and split you in two.

but, slowly he increased his pace, his belt clanking ever so slightly in the silent room. your hips kept going back and then hitting the edge of the table, probably causing a couple bruises. but it didn’t matter because the pleasure was unbearable. you were sure if jensens hand wasn’t silencing you — you’d be screaming his fucking name.

he probably knew and took advantage of that, inasmuch as he plunged into you much faster and harder, too. “mmf — hmphgh.” you tried to babble outloud, just for you to forget jensens hand.

“i know, baby. just keep quiet f’me and y’can cum soon.” it was like he could read your fucking mind. but it wasn’t like you could give two fucks with jensen fucking you with his expeditious thrusts in and out. the sound of skin against skin finally registered into your mind — and the wet squelch of your pussy.

“oh, fuck” he moaned into your ear, his hips stuttering, his hand — the one that was busy bruising the shit out of your hip, went forward and his index pressed against your clit. causing more stimulation and more muffled nonsense that escaped you.

the coil that was already threatening to snap — did, and you thought you saw stars. as you came down from your high, you noticed the warm liquid that spilled into you drip down your inner thighs onto your underwear which was shoved down your legs just enough to get access to your cunt.

jensen pulled out, tucking himself back into his pants and fastened his belt. then he helped you get ready — grasping the waistband of your pants and pulling them up alongside your underwear.

once you turned around, still hazy with your activities before, jensen pressed his soft lips against yours, just for a second.

“i can’t wait t’ruin ya when we’re alone.” he winked just as he was called on stage, running his hand through his hair and heading toward the door connected to the stage.

[namgyu-nurture]

Nam-gyu (player 124) headcanons (nsfw + sfw)

Warnings : mentions of drugs, nsfw, p in v, unprotected, oral (both), mentions of public sex, mentions of squirting.

A/N - idk how in character this is as this is the first thing ive wrote!!

Sfw!!

His love language is physical touch idc

I feel like he’d be a fein for neck kisses

He’s always touching some part of you in crowds, wether thats hand-holding, grabbing your sleeve or pinky interlocking

Probably would sneak you a spare pill from Thanos if your down for that

If we’re talking Presquidgame!namgyu he’d definitely share blunts with you in club pentagon with a hand rested on your thigh

100% a big spoon, thinks your belittling him if you ask to hold him (because god forbid he thinks your belittling him 🙄)

The most peaceful sleeper you’ve ever seen, he doesn’t snore he just breathes audibly?

If you fall asleep cuddling that man you will be in the same position you wake up, his grip is intense

He likes being the big spoon so he can rest his chin on the top of your head

NSFW !!

He’s rough but what did we expect like be real

He gets off on the noises you make for him

He is very rarely a sub, loves to pound into you while suckling on your pulse point

He likes looking at you while he fucks you

Definitely would fuck you in the bathroom facing the mirror so he can make you watch as you fall apart and come undone around his cock

Hear me out on cockpeircing!namgyu just maybe, I’m thinking a Jacob’s ladder, maybe 1 or 2 bars on the underside

Honestly he’s not great at eating pussy, he thinks he’s amazing but it’s bare average

Loves finger fucking you, making you squirt and squeeze around his fingers is probably his favourite view in the world

Doesn’t care if it’s in public or not, he couldn’t give a single shit who sees

Not very attentive so he doesn’t really pick up on what you like. Definitely puts his pleasure before you own but don’t worry hes not a total asshole, he’ll make sure you cum a few times

He loves deepthroating you, he can’t get over the way it twitches when you gag around him

Most likely doesn’t care for aftercare especially in the games but he doesn’t leave you, he’d help you clean up (probably licking it up)

I feel like he’s a massive loser so he’d stay with you, cuddling into you telling you how good you were for him.

[loviestar58]

Sassy Viktor dating HC’s AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

(I need to see how sassy he would be in everyday life pls he’s so entertaining)

🤲

Thank you sm have a lovely day :D

🧡~Dating Sassy Viktor HC's/Scenarios~🧡

My first ever request! I hope it's good I'm not gonna lie I had some difficulty with this idk why shdudbdh

This'll be a mix of Viktor being sassy, sarcastic, teasing, and just being a general playful menace lol

Enjoy‼️💖

🩼~Feins offense at any little thing you do. We've all seen his face, he can make the most offended face imaginable. For example he'd make you something to eat (he can't really cook well and doesn't do it often but he does for you cause he loves you) and he'd serve it to you all smiles, and you'd be all smiles too. Viktor cooking? What a rare treat! Until you bite into it and feel your tongue yell at you "oooo this isn't right..". You try to hide it, chewing slowly, but he sees it immediately, asking if something is wrong.

"Oh it's nothing, just..interesting. The flavor doesn't feel right, I think you put too much salt and herbs-"

His face would scrunch into that offended look, eyes wide and rolling his eyes

"Oh, so you're a food critic now? Judging the food I put my heart and soul into to make for you? I see how it is.."

He'd pout and take his own bite, thinking you were overreacting

You weren't

🩼~It is a common occurrence to whack you with his cane. Usually he does it to get his way in petty arguments, you could be talking about how a certain formula was written wrong in his notes, him being so tired he didn't notice and miscalculated something, but he'd never admit to it. Anytime you tried to show him, he'd lift his cane to your shins and try to grab the book back. You'd recoil and try to dodge each time, laughing at how far he'd go to stay in the right, but he somehow always caught you off guard, and of course he'd never miss a chance to diss you, even if he was completely in the wrong

"You're just mad you're wrong!"

"I'm not wrong, lovely, you just lack the vision to see my genius"

"Well, "Genius", you wrote it wrong!"

"Perhaps you do need your eyes checked.."

🩼~This is Jinx's line in the show, but he totally would pull this classic

"So, Viktor, I've been thinking-"

"Well, thats quite the dangerous endeavor for you"

🩼~Would never let you live it down that you fumbled your attempt at asking him out, having gotten so nervous cause I mean. Look at him. You'd try to tell the story to some friends and make it seem like you were so confident and successful in asking him out, but he'd SO quickly chime in and rat you out

"Wh-"

🩼~Also would probably overuse the line "Suureee lovely, whatever you say" in the most sarcastic tone ever whenever you two have little back and forth banters and you're determined to prove you're right. When you'd call him out on it he'd respond with a knowing smirk and offended face "What? I would never! I do not know what you are talking about!" Hand on his chest, practically clutching his non-existant pearls in a dramatically comedic way

"Hmm that's not quite how I remember it. I remember you shaking like one of those ehh..chihuahuas, that pee all over themselves. And your words sounded more like squeaks of a mouse. I don't know where you got the notion that that is the epitome of confidence, but it must not have been a reliable source"

You'd hit his shoulder blushing profusely as he laughs, saying a playful "I love you" before ruffling your hair, making you role your eyes and pout

🩼~Attempting to get a pet is impossible with Viktor. He'd always say that they both don't have time to take care of an animal, that his work was too dangerous to have one around, no matter how much your beg, he'd just shit you down. That's when he says that he already has you, and that's enough work on its own alongside his inventing

"Are you implying that I'm like a pet?"

"You seem to love jumping to conclusions cause I said no such thing, but if you insist on seeing it that way, then yes. You're like a little rampaging Poro. Energetic, small, and a thorn in my side on occasion"

He'd chuckle as he watched you feign offense, your face pouty but unable to keep the smile from your lips, cause it is kinda funny how you can be compared to such a creature so easily. And you do the same, comparing him to a sassy cat. Which he doesn't deny and swiftly confirms by swatting at you with his cane in retaliation for the comment

I am so sorry this is short, I genuinely couldn't think of too much cause I felt I was just repeating the same things over and over again and not being creative..and I think I made him more teasing than sassy, but I tried😭

I hope this is what you were hoping for, even a little! If not, I'm sorry😖🙏🏼

[tgcg]

ill break your shit adam

warning for adult lang

fuck you adam sandler

youre lucky karkat likes you

stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl

and asks her can i marry you

that lady got issues mentally

you still down to do shit anally

deplorable zit on the ass of romanza

karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza

do raps even count as having stanzas

slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza

youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones

sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones

piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling

kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling

penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass

thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass

back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar

too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar

who even let you into hawaii

also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie

seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me

sorry i forgot i was rapping again

piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men

still not over that chuck and larry shit adam

if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em

firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat

karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat

gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you

gotta say larry deserved better than you

i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though

i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro

back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore

the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore

if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds

if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds

itd be harder but id still do it

bro fuck adam sandler im through it

===

TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.

TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness

TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america

TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was

TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.

TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --

TG: nooooo

TG: nope no

TG: not this shit again

TG: listen one of them is karkats fault

===

CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.

TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.

CG: GLADLY.

CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.

CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!

CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.

CG: RIGHT, DAVE?

TG: … yeah

TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.

CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

TT: And you love them anyways.

CG: YEAH.

TG: hes right

TG: you hear that shit hes right

TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation

[opennwindows]

If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?

If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖

Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs

A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!

btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.

cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,

GENERAL

ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.

he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.

the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.

contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.

ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.

lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.

ROMANTIC

you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.

“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”

would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.

he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.

after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.

favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)

not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.

now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.

he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.

ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.

the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.

a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.

please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.

pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.

big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.

NSFW

okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!

ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.

i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.

definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.

despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.

he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.

he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.

he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.

did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.

he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.

[s1m0nth3swag]

i apologise if i already sent this ask, my memory is terrible! if your requests are open, may i get an easily flustered male Reader/doorman who is mercilessly teased and flirted with by a doppelganger Francis and the real Francis watches? Whenever it's smut or not is up to you

I just absolutely need to imagine Scarlet Milk Francis and regular Francis.... thats a physical need actually.

Like flirty Scarlet Milk and Francis who's just like "bro i would never say that, cringe" UNTIL HE NOTICES READER GETTING FLUSTERED AND HE JUST GOES "damn. whore." (judgy Francis for the win <3)

I'm not at all down bad for Scarlet Milk Francis wdym this is normal, isn't it?

Also, uhm, uhm, a little badly written because I wrote this in Latin Class, and my brain is positively fried!

WARNINGS/ CONTENT INFO; Slight suggestive themes (not full blown smut though), Francis being judgy, Reader being down bad (relatable), part two worthy bullshit (because i love the thought of taking Scarlet Milk and Francis (totally in a fight.))

Blood. That's the first thing you noticed as your favourite Milkman walked in. He was covered in blood. When asked about it, he simply said it was 'Scarlet Milk', a new type of milk. You had simply nodded along, like yeah. This was totally normal. Not like you had let the actual milkman in just a few minutes later, and you knew that if you called the apartment his voice would sound from the telephone. You reached there, eyes fixed on the doppelganger - you had always thought Francis was attractive but this.. well, it was definetly a new high. "Don't call him." The doppelganger spoke, voice too sweet and buttery. He knew he'd gotten caught, but seemingly he.. didn't mind. He smiled at you through the small window that seperated the hall and your office. "Bet the real one doesn't even bat an eye at you, hm? You're so good looking, he really should." You flushed slightly, even though you know you shouldn't. This was a doppelganger, for gods sake! A ruthless monster that could easily kill you! Yet here you were, blushing at the fake Francis. And he knew he got you on the hook, you could tell by the grin that adorned his face.

If you had known that the actual Francis still stood just outside the door that led into the building, and had seen the fact that a Doppelganger with his face had walked in, you probably wouldn't be talking to it anymore. Much less if you had known that Francis hurriedly made his way to your office - he trusted you didn't have a memory of five seconds, but something told him you were in trouble. He didn't even bother knocking, just opened the door to what was probably the weirdest scene ever. You with a bright blush covering your face, his doppelganger having a shit eating grin on his face... Yeah this had to be a fever dream.

Meanwhile, you were absolutely done for. Sweet nothings, things you didn't think anyone would dare speak out loud - the doppelganger had probably given you the most compliments you'd ever received in your lifetime. You turned around in shock as you heard the door open, staring at the real Francis like a deer caught in headlights. "Look who decided to join us! Real me!" The doppelganger chuckled. "Was just telling this sweet thing what I'd do to them if they let me in." He purrs, tapping against the window teasingly. "They got real shy about it." You glared at the doppelganger, looking between him and the actual Francis. "What'd he say." Francis practically demands to know, and your cheeks flush a deeper shade of red at the thought of having to repeat the things the doppelganger said. This was probably a moment to sink into the ground forever. "Just said I'd give them something to do with those pretty lips. And then some other things.." The doppelganger answers in your stead. Yup, you definitely want to get swallowed by the floor at this point. Francis looks at you, raising a brow in silent judgement. "Seriously? I'd never say stuff like that. That's stupid." He sighs, his face scrunching in a frown. "And honestly, you see me covered in blood and think "Yeah I'd fuck that"? Really?" He adds, serious annoyance in his voice, and you don't even know what's happening anymore because this whole situation is so unreal. "I'm sure I'm really handsome." The doppelganger quips in. "Though.. I would look better without this awful uniform, don't you think, sweets?" You let out a silent groan, covering your ears in embarrassment.

You don't know why this continued, but now Francis and the doppelganger are yapping about how the doppelganger doesn't get Francis' speech right - you seriously stopped listening after they both told you to shush when you said you'd just terminate the Doppelganger... you only listened to hints of the conversation. Something about sharing is caring or so.

God, how did you get yourself into this...