#thats not to say thats what ng is doing i dont speak as if i know

[pastellmochi]

non paralive moots im begging yuo listen to my wife singing

[apostateapologist]

in regards to prev rb i think thats the thing that trips folks up the most, wrt the whole "how could someone with x characteristics cause y harm" and while yes some people are just lying scumbags about their values frequently its because something about their lifestyle allows them to cognitively compartmentalize and justify their behaviors, whether thats mentally dehumanizing a particular demographic or how their access to wealth creates surreal power dynamics where they can genuinely convince themselves of the implied consent of others, building around themselves a sense of "well what im doing isnt x because y"

[mirtifero]

I dont typ e it because i lack the emergy ans my head hirts. Funnn fun fun fun fun i want to kill myself i wished i was dead isnt it funnt isnt it so fucking funny i love saying that bevause it doesnt feel serious right everyone feels rhat everyone doed ! Why would you care if i said i was going to kill myself. Im a hysteric little bitch an annoying ass teenager i think too much i live in my own dumb world and jmahine things tjay arw nkr eeal ams make everyone angrynat em and eberuone LEAVES Isnt that funy isnt it. It is funny it has to be. Kt need s to be funnt. Im hysteric and thats why no one tales me seirlusly . If i wastn tlike this people would take me seriously. Ah yes thank you for your interesting imput nook ineed to say it like a weird bitch i cannot be normal for fucjs asake i thi k im always rigth i thing k im always correct and i al2aus always need everyothing to be funnt and good and everything has to have hope i. Jt because it NEEDS to because otherwise i will DIE. the ghosts of people who left because thwy couldnt care leas about ne haunt me and j think abkut them coming back and laughing at me all the time. Everyone laughts at me. Its so easy to laugh at someone whk wants to be funny all the time. Isnt it funny. I find it funnt. Im laughing rght now. Shsoukd ng i?every noght i dream i cant speak i cant breathe i cant move and everuone laughs at me and everyone thisnks im crazy. And every dream i see people loving me and laughing bevause they KNOW they wont coome backk they are GONE . I cant do anything right

Its been 24 days since winter break statterx. 24 days. 24 days and i STILL FWEL LIKE THIS. I STILL FEEL LIKE THIS. AJBQQNBS ISNT IT AMAZING. ????? . GOD IM SO STUPID.

Im just on my period oh im just a teenager oh itll pass im justt FINE. EVERYONE feels like this. Everyone has a perdect body and perfwct everything and looks in the mirror and feels like a hysteric ugly weak bitch and thinks why am I even trying. I habe what? More than a year clean. Provavly more than one year and a half. And i still dream about cutting myself in front of people i think about BEGGING to be listened to I dream of BEGGING to be HEARD.

But my psychologist is right everything is OKAY

I'm just a teenager.

It will go away

I need to wait

I need to wait

I' normal im just like any other girl.

Perhaps as hysteric as any other girl. As fake as any other. Im just like the ones who bullied and abused me.

I just need to wait

EVERYONE feels like this. EVERYONE commits suicide in most of their dreams. EVERYONE is horrified and thinks about how everyone is going to leave them. EVERYONE WANTS TO DIE. AND EVERYONE. EVERYONE. IS STUPID AND WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER BE LISTENED TO BECAUSE THEY ARE A HYSTERIC PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT WHO CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND IS JUST EMBARRASSING AND EMBARRASSING AND A LITTLE KID WHOS EMBARRASSING TO EVERYONE AND I AM JUST TROUBLE AND I AM just. I just. I wanted to have just died back then. I wanted to have just died before I discovered that life can be better. I didn't need hope. I feel forever tired. No amount of winter breaks will fix this. No growing up will. And if it will I'll kill myself for it. Because it's just too embarrassing to lie. And I'm not lying. I'm not. I'll kill myself. I'll kill myself if I was lying. I'm not lying. I'm not exagerating im not being dramatic im not im not im not i just want people to HEAR me. I just want to be heard. Please. Please . Please. Please. Im so sorry. Please. Please. I hate myself and all that i get embarrassed for. I hate evrything i am. I hate how i cant seem to do anything. Im a liar. Im a liar im a dirty liar. Please. Please.

[echoesofadream]

End Of An Era: what a PERFECT introduction to this album also i might be biased because i think i have some kind of pavlovian response to her speaking british because it reminds me of marina not like it activates saliva but as in i feel like im listening to electra heart (optimistic version) and its great

Houdini: I COME AND I GO TELL ME ALL THE WAYS YOU NEED ME IM NOT HERE FOR LONG CATCH ME OR I GO HOUDINI– wow this is such a song, the production is soo satisfiy+ng. also i never followed or paid that much attention to dua lipa before but watching the music video now and i feel like her dancing has improved so much?

Training Season: i dont love it but it has grown on me since first listen, i dont loove when antidrops(?is this one) are done like this or, i mean i think they are overdone and this isnt how they should be done because they need to have bigger effect or else they sound like to me like they just didnt know what to do for the chorus so it feels lazy and the point of antidrops is to be unexpected so definitely not used cheaply like this. you will never be stay tonight by chungha. and then they didnt know what to after the antidrop anyway like with the end of the chorus either so they just let it echo/like fade out lolloll. i love how she says arrow

i do like when shes like "are you on my team or on the sidelines waiting for someone to tell you to go (go go go go–)" here the echo works and also its fits the songs theme so well that lyric slaps

These Walls: <3333 one of my favorites from this album because i am forever a sucker for ballads(not that this is one exactly?)/slower/calmer more mellow songs ahhh i love it so so much... i love how she sings when she sings higher notes in this like "its not supposed to hurt this much". this song is a little sad but still fits the radical optimism vibe of the album the breath of fresh air summer futuristic ocean vibe. i love the "(they'd say)–––" part and that one little loop thing especially at 2:47-2:49 idk what the instrument is? this a beautiful song

Whatcha Doing: i wanna thank kim taehyung/min heejin (wow controversial) for teaching me what a flute sounds like and appreciate it (is it a flute? ex: 1:15) either way i like the sound of it. something about this reminds me of marina again esp the cloudin my decisions part. very vibey and relaxing and refreshing i feel like im riding a wave when listening to this. lovely song

French Exit: yeah cool song, love the french, is that a flute again? thats so slow dancing core... i love how smooth this album is and so cohesive.

Illusion: this was the first song on this album that i really digged. i love how the instrumentals are such a big part of this album like they have such a big role. i love the rasp in her voice

Falling Forever: OK this is PEAK european pop its giving so much schlager to me like this would be on eurovision (which is today but i think we are not watching it even if my country is hosting it) did i mention that i love the rasp in her voice. i love how she says forever

Anything For Love: i like this and it suits the album like a fun chill interlude

Maria: yeah its okay. fun instrument Happy For You: and this is the perfect last song for this album, i cried quietly with real tears two separate times in the same day when listening to this. i dont know if i can explain it.. i dont even want to i feel like its enough to listen to this. but since im doing a review i guess i should at least a little. it feels like floating and like flying and the way it ends with that instrumental sound that sounds like watching the sunset against the sea horizon and the bird sounds in the start and the ending and it really just feels like going hopefully into the future, embracing it and the lyrics are. so. heartbreaking in such an optimistic sense its even more heartbreaking for it, so heartbreakingly beautiful and mature.

I love dua lipas new album so much the vibe is so fresh it really encapsulates its title 'radical optimism' it has a lovely futuristic vibe that is so perfect for this time of the year right before summer, it feels very mature both in sound and lyrically, and instrumentally it is like a refreshing breeze and feels sealike and i love it<3 im going to review every track wait a sec

[slasher-trasher]

Hi!!!👋

I absolutely loved the last one you wrote for me. I just want to know if you could do one more that a bit more ✨Dramatic✨ cause I love some fictional ✨Drama✨ (female reader)

🌸Also yes you could call me flower anon that’s such a cute name 😊 🌸

A/N: ahhh flower anon i luv you <3 of course i can, i'll make your last request more dramatic but if you wanted the other sims request i will write that too if requesed! I'm so SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG PLEASE FORGIVE ME FLOWER ANON 🙇‍♀️

Slashers x Female! Reader who has powers like Deadpool ✨More Dramtic✨

Warnings: DARK FIC??? bl00d, murd3r, sw3@ring, angst... yeah thats right i said it ,brief mention of b00bs, burns/getting burn3d, f!re, decaptication?? Sh00t!ng @lch0hol

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Michael Myers:

-He would be very shocked, one day you got in the way of a victim, and he stabbed you!

-He helped you a bit, but you refused, saying that you should go get his victim.

-He got back home and there you were, a-okay 👌 just sitting there on the couch, chilling

-He would go and sit next to you, stiff and weirded out,

-He stabbed you again in the chest

"Ow, shit thats my boob" you said, healing yourself, obviously annoyed.

-Because of your annoyance, you all of a sudden dissapeared from him,

-just like that -snap- poof, you're gone. He reached out to you, he was a tad bit sad

-He would go all around the house, looking for you, and when he was in the same room, you'd teleport somewhere else.

-He gave up and when you revealed yourself on the couch again, he was shocked, you weren't there the whole time

-He'd be more cold torwards you, ignoring you for hours, days, weeks, months, on end

"Come on Michael! I'm sorry pleaseee!" you 'd beg him to even notice your existance

-Eventually, Michael would grow old. But no, not you, you looked the same for years,

-Here he was, looking old, and there you were, your beauty being peserved. Not looking a day over 20

-Which was really annoying cause when you would go to the bar with him, you'd have to show your ID and people would ask you your rountine and everything, it was anoying to say the least

"I'm over 21 jeez... NO! I'm not telling you my rountine! THAT CAUSE I DONT HAVE ONE"

-He would be smiling just a bit... A BIT, he feels sad, you're going to still be here on earth while he's dead, what are you going to die, date someone else and wait for them to die?!?!

-Lets not forget when he was severly injured, to injured to fight back when you tried to help him (and that says a lot) SO you picked him up

-He tried his best to fight back, which was just wiggling around, you're not THAT strong are you?

-He think it makes him look weak, so he'll ignore you again, for a long time, a long time.....

Jason Voorhees:

-He was making a fire, and you weren't paying attention to where you were going and tripped running strghait into the fire, burning yourself severly,

-If he could scream he would, even Pamela was screaming her decapitated head off

-he pulled you away to see that you were fine, completely fine, Pamela, of course faitned but no one could see?

-He held you in his big strong arms, terffied, are you dead and he's just seeing things, but not dont worry he wasn't seeing things, you can't die anyway! Nor can he cause, he's already dead?

"jason baby, don't worry i'm not dead i'm not dead!"

-he would hold onto you forever, crying and crying and crying

-Speaking of you not dying, ya can't!

-You're imortal, there is no way you can die, which is amazing cause you and him can live together.. forever... litterally.

-He's glad you can't die and it'll be just you two, together forever,

-he gets self consious when he's with you, he's a zombie, he thinks he looks ugly, but you reassure him he's beautiful just the way he is.

-to help him one day you teleported to get him fire wood,

-he came to your guys shared cabin shocked and scared when he didn't see you

-He looked everywhere and then when he came back to the living room he was shoked to see you there

-Where did you go?!?! where did you come from?!?!

Freddy Krueger:

-He fight you in the dream world and so that means you also get cut up in real life,

-So when you healed in the dream world he didn't care

-He'd only get shocked when Nacy pulled him out the dream world ad he could actually see you in "real life"

-He'd cut you again and you'd be a-ok

-So that means he would fight harder than before, more rough, cutting you and everything!

-"oh come on bitch, you can handle it see!"

-he would never help you, he knew you were ok so why should he

-He can already live forever so why would he care if you couldnt die,

-thats his ideal girl right there, living together forever, one he can hurt and it'll all be fine,

-he would joke saying he was dating a 20 year old

-he would take your teleportation powers into consideration

-He'd take total advantage of them, like 100%

"baby, im lazy and i really want a drink, can you get me one pleaseeeeeeeeee"

-He'd be like a whiny child you could never get rid of,

-he'd make that statement "well you can just teleport there and back, it's not a bother to you, *gasp* but to me!"

-He'd make you do EVERYTHING FOR HIM, make you baby him to death it's to the point you teleport away from him, but he always finds you anyway

-He'd make you pick him up, refusing to move otherwise,

-"well baby, if you want to go on a date, you gotta carry me~"

-With your strength you slapped him square in the face

-You'd stand there smiling "innocnelty"

-That esclated t a full on fist fight, punching, kicking, scratching, it gets BAD

Bo Sinclair:

-He would accidently shot you in the arm

"Babe... um.. your arm" he would say,

-you finally noticed what he was talking about and just shrug it off, ignoring it.

-You quickly healed yourself up, not really caring about it all that much

-He would purpously hurt you, but if one of his borthers dare land a hand on you, he would yell at them for hours on end

-ONE time Vincent accidently cut you lightly on the arm, you said it was okay and that he didn't need to apologise all that much,

-His brother thought otherwise, he yelled at Vincent for hours, you tried stepping in but he ignored you, so eventually you teleported infront of him suddenly,

-Vincent was suprised, but took the chance to run so run he did.

-Cause of Bo's yelling he had his eyes clothes, not noticing you intill you nudged him

-"AND DONT YOU-" "babe?"

-The next day Bo forced Vincent to explain what happened

-he explained that you simply teleported, to which you nodded to,

-Lester was amazed, "like deadpool!?!?!" he would be all over you trying to get answers from you.

-Bo would be major jealous, but don't worry, you conforted him after :)

-One time Lester's truck got stuck, so you and Bo came to help him out,

-Becuase Bo is not an actual car machanic, he didn't know what to do, so he asked you if you could help

-You agreed and found it only to be stuck in mud, so you picked it up, pulling it out of the mud

-Both men looked at you, impressed beyond belief

-Lester would smile, asking you more and more quiestion about what's been going on?

-"How'd it get that way, were you born with it? Whats it like?"

-Bo would be annoyed that you're better than him, no one can be better than him in his eyes

-When it comes to you not again he's extremely jealous

-You're going to be 144 and you'd still look not a day over 20

-How could you look so good, while he's going to grow old and die

-What'll happen.. will you date Vincent after he dies, if he's still alive, then go on and date hs youngest brother ,

-He'd be insecure on how he looks, being bothered by any detail of him getting old,

-you'd assure him that you'd love him not matter what <3

Vincent Sinclair:

-He would be very cautious arund you, the beiginng you to meet,

-He burned you with hot wax and got SO DAMN SCARED

-He quickly got up and rubbed hte wax off you, terffied that you might've burned yourself severly and turn out like him

-But he was wrong, when he wiped of the wax, he saw no burning, not irritation, no nothing

-Just your skin underneath it

-He stood there holding your arm and a wet cloth in antother hand

-Who, what, when, where, how

-"Baby, I'm fine" You reassured him patting his shoulder

-He just stood there, frozen, while staring at your (s/c) (Skin color)

-"baby....?" you questioned, petting his hair, after a while he got out of it hugging you, and glad you're safe

-Bo almost killed you on multiple occasions (maybe on accident or not up to you) Of course Vincent was mad, but what it was was that, you never actually got hurt, you were fine

-You've been together for years and.. you still look the same?!?!

-He knows you have no routine for skin care at least, then why do you still look 20, why do you just not age

-He thinks its the perfect thing, and you were and angle sent down from heaven, for such a sinful person like himself, he was grateful but sad you had to be with him

-Pushing those feeling aside he would draw you, turning a bit frustrated when all those art pieces you look the exact same as always

-But it was replaced with happiness when you accepted the art, smiling widely

-He thought that was the best feeling in the world!

-He needed more paint and other art suplies but he didn't want to go out of town, he wanted to stay and work on wax staues... ;)

-over hearing this and knwoing his problem you went and teleported, getting him some stuff from craft stores

-When you teleported back with hanfulls of paints and other art supplies, he was shocked

-How did you do that so fast? And how the hell did you know he was running out of white paint

-he had to ask Lester why that all happened,

-"your girlfriend is just like Deadpool!"

-he wanted to faint, and didnt' belive his brother at the same time,

-He didn't like where one of the statues were, so he tried moving it, but was unable to pick it up

-"It's okay baby i got it" you said moving beside him and picked it up easily "Where do you want it?"

-He just stared at you, shocked again

-You teleported infron of his eyes, putting thee statue down somewhere

-He had to sit down to comprhend

-"where did this all come from?" he would ask himself

-he would love you either way, just shocked

Lester Sinclair:

-He would be very.. interested

-He always knew something was different from you

-Thats why he saved you from his brothers, but he was, confused on how you were compltely uninjured when he rescued you oh so many years ago

-Bo swear he had hurt you, and Vincent said he burned you, but both boys remebered not seeing any actual injury,

-Lester questioned you about it, but you didn't really want to talk about it all that much, and he just moved on, but the thought still remaind in the back of his mind

-Now back to current time, yout two were laying down and he saw a picture of you from when you were 21, celebrating at a bar

-"Wait? When did you go out?" he asked looking over at your phone

-"Baby" you laughed "That was me years and years AND YEARS ago"

-he would just look at you, comepletly confused

-no that was not you years ago, when did you go out

-He'd quiestioned you over and over again, intill you showed the date the picture was taken

-He'd joke you had powers like Deadpool, but you never actually told him

-"How did you find out" you questioned, concern all over you face

-He froze, was it true? you actually have Deapool powers

-You eventually explained what actually happened, and he was estatic

-"My baby is like my fav superhero" He'd rub it into his brothers faces, Vincent wouldn't care and Bo would tell him to fuck off

-You'd teleport, amking life easier for you, now knowing he knows

-"Babe can you get me some juice or somethin' out of the fridge?" he asked, you nodded teleporting to the fridge, and back

-"thanks" he would be so chill about it, but only 1% actually freaked out about it

-He wondered if you and Deadpool actually share the same backstory, which you denied

-"Hey babe, can you take these bones in, they're a bit heavy but you got it" he smiled to you handing a big box to you

-of course you did, happily taking the box inside for him

-Bo would force you to help with other victims, and if you refused, well, he'd make you anyway, wether you liked it or not

-"Bo, com' on she don' need to" Of course Bo wouldn't listen

Brahms Heelshire:

-He'd expect nonetheless from you

-He stabbed you with a screwdriver, already knowing you posses healing abilites, he just wanted to experience it himself

-He would watch you use your powers up close

-"Brahms.. personal space please..."

-He would only get closer, to close,

-When you backed away he would only get closer, to the point you had to teleport your ass outta there

-He thought you left him, and techincally you did, but you were still there in the manor so...

-He threw a tanturm, and when he found you, well, lets say he accidently hit you with a vase,

-you recovered quickly but still it hurt...

-When he noticed you don't age he was, suprised,

-he saw pictures of you when you were younger, but like Lester he thought they were all recent, which was a lie, that you, then again, had to prove to him

-He would be glad you can't get hurt, burning yourself isn't a problem

-He has seen you teleport before, not knowing what the hell it was at first,

-His mother told him it was witch-craft, and you should stay away from such things, but he knew you weren't a witch, or you would've died from the garlic he snuck in... wait.. was that for vampires... oh well

-He would make you deliver everything to him

-"y/n, darling, make me a sandwhich and deliver it here or else..." he'd threaten

-"fine..." you grumpled, hating being bossed around sometimes

-So you made him his sandwhich and delivered it

-Everything was handed to him, on a silver platter (jokingly, and seriously)

-He would make you teleport doing even more than before

-He'd make you FUCKING CARRY HIM

-He woudl make you carry him, or teleport sometimes, to somewher,e not caring if it hurt you or not, you were to carry him or else,

-So thats what you did, carry his heavy self everywhere

-Of course you stopped but then another tantrum, but you learned to deal with it :)

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A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED IT AHAHHHHH IM SO SORRY FLOWER ANON

[the-lady-reaper]

TW!! This is only a fictional story means this story is not real and created by the author based from her imagination and not real life situations. this is just for awareness. remember depression is not a joke and please give credits if you want to reblog it thankyou

-LadyAzianna

To you who sees the world differently

I was about to smoke my cigar at the rooftop of our building when I saw this girl sitting at the edge end of the roof who is playing with her feet as if she is in the water. I hid my cigarette back at my chest pocket then proceed to approach her. "Gabi na ah bat andito ka pa? Studyante ka pa naman mahirap na." The girl who is wearing a students Uniform look at me she then smile it is the brightest yet the most painful smile that I've ever seen.

"Ohh its you Attorney Im glad you are the one who found me." "

di mo naman ako isusumbong diba?"

She said before looking away. I tried to open my mouth but no words come out from it. Usually kasi bago mag 6:00 lahat ng studyante dapat naka uwi na. But before I can even speak, The words from my mouth suddenly get held when I notice the scars from her wrist. My eyes widens and before I even know it hawak ko na pala ung kamay nya. "Napano yan?" S-sino may gawa nyan sayo?" My voice is shaky from anger and worriedness mahaba ung sleeves ng uniform kaya naman hinatak nya ulit yon pababa para matakpan ung mga galos. "Its none of your bussines Attorney." She said with pain and tiredness on her voice. " It is young lady! my mother is the Principal of this school thats why it is also my responsibility as her son to look after her students and you are one of them so tell me how'd you get those scars!" My voice echoes from the whole building followed by silence that no one dares to break. Realizing what I did umatras ako at umupo sa tabi nya

"Sorry" I uttered I then offer my handkerchief to her. "Use this to wipe your tears, Fine I wont force you na sabihin ung reason kung pano mo yan nakuha pero I want you to open up yourself sa iba kapag handa ka na here take this."

Tsaka ko inabot sa kanya ang isang calling card. He's my friend isang syang magaling na Psychiatrist contact him when you are finally ready to talk about your life."

Tsaka ako tumayo but before I can even walk away a pair of hands stops me. "Please dont go" I look back to her and nakakapanlumo basang basa ang mata nya ng luha di ko man makita ang buong muka nya dahil sa mga buhok nya ngunit isang titig lang sa mga mata nya ay sapat na para makita ang kanyang pagod at lungkot.

"I will open up to you only if you are interested if not then just say it, and you must promise me that you wont tell it to anyone" I nod then sit beside her. Five minutes have past now yet she wont say a single word puro iyak lang at sniff ang nadidinig ko. (ano ba tagalog ng sniff?) I sighed and took a pair of my Airpods and play some music on Spotify

"ohh take this mas makaka relax ka if makaka relate ka sa music"

She then took the other pair of Airplugs and put it in her ears.

A certain music began playing "You'll be safe here by Rivermaya"

"This is my one my fave OPM song it feels so nostalgic and brings some of my old memories" I said.

"I always listen to this everytime na I felt like gusto ko na lang mawala due to stress na binibigay sakin ng mga school works ko dati when I was your age."

"Self harm" finally after a minutes of waiting she's now willing to talk about

her life."Self harm due to my depression and stress from school and family" dagdag pa nya.

She then lift up her uniform sleeves and a gasp and stream of tears is the only thing that I can do. Kitang kitang ko ang dami ng laslas nya karamihan sa mga ito ay recently lang. "Why do you look so shock Attorney? Di ka pa ba nakaka kita ng client o student na nag se-self harm?" baka gusto mong huminga ng malalim kapag sinabi ko sayo na hindi lang yan ang ginawa ko sa sarili ko. I also tried to overdose my self yet na ospital lang ako I also tried mag pakalunod sa Pool ng School late night pero the Guard saw me and reported me, haha living really is hilarious specially kapag nakikita mo ung mga tao na kala mo nag C-care sayo pero ang totoo is hindi." Katahimikan lang ang naging tugon ko sa lahat ng mga sinabi nya.

"This world really is cruel Attorney may mga tao na akala mo talaga is may pakialam sayo pero ang totoo is wala at ginagamit ka lang. Magaling lang sila kapag may na kukuha sila sayo pero pag wala na ita-trato ka na lang ng parang basura. This world that we are currently living in is a rotten Hell, Attorney at a young age I've already saw the deepest depth of Hell thats why di na ko takot na mamatay , Yun lang ba kasi ang nasa isip ko ngayon ehh. for sure you will say that dissappearing is not the answer for my problems but it is the only way to escape the reality Sir.

Is it selfish na mabuhay lang para sa sarili mo? Is it a sin to be happy for yourself sometimes?

I look deeply on her eyes and kitang kita na wala nang buhay ang mga ito.

As you can see Attorney,

I am already dead theres a part of me that wants to live on but theres also a part of me who is tired of this Manipulative world. I felt like theres an empty hole in my chest that is looking for something that I couldn't find anymore"

But thankyou Attorney you had a great taste of music. Ako kasi kay Yorushika lang nakikinig ang ganda ng lyrics and beat ng mga kanta nya its all about this cruel life and how it affects us all ,She's right Youth is boring and tiresome" Btw, Attorney late na alis na ko ha baka hinahanap na ko sa bahay."

She then smile and started to walk away and vanish from my sight. kawawang bata . God, please help her she is only a highschooler pero naranasan at namulat na sya sa mundo please kahit po konting pag-asa lang na mabuhay bigyan nyo sya.

Then a thought crossed my mind, What if people like her doesn't really want to dissapear but only waiting to be found? Nvm kakausapin ko na lang ulit sya bukas. Then umalis na ko.

Kinabukasan pag karating ko ng school para ihatid si Mama ay ang daming studyante ang nag kukumpulan ang lakas ng ulan kaya naman hindi mag kaintindihan. May mga payong rin na nakahara kaya hindi kami agad makadaan. but what I saw makes my heart stop from beating and makes me want to regret the decision na makipag siksikan pa sa mga studyante. Isang bangkay ng studyante ang nasa sahig, Nag Suicide.

"Tumalon sa building kawawa naman." sabi ng studyante sa likuran ko. "Sir kilala nyo po sya? Tanong naman ng isa pang studyante sa akin hindi ako makasagot at puro luha lang ang naging tugon ko. Para akong statwa, Yung bangkay ng studyante na nag patiwakal at yung kausap ko kahapon ay iisa. Naka tingin ang mga mata nito sa direksyon na kinatatayuan ko Naka ngiti ito at halatang umiyak. Tumakbo ako papuntang Rooftop, dinig ko ang tawag sakin ni Mama pero di ko to pinansin at sa kinauupan nito kahapon ay nakapatong ang Cellphone nya naka bukas ito at kita sa screen ang title ng kanta "You'll be safe here by Rivermaya."

Nanlumo ako and then suddenly a reminder pops out on her screen it says "Thankyou for the time you spend with me last night, sorry I really just cant go on living like this but live your life to the fullest,Attorney."

Napaiyak ako ng napakalakas she reminds me of myself when I was young. Only if I found her sooner maybe I can still stop her from killing her self.

This story is dedicated to those who is suffering from depression. You can do it trust me. Actually I feel the same way about life as well but theres a guy who teach me how to live my life. He also helps on creating this oneshot. so to you ate and kuya thankyou verry much for supporting me I love you both!!

[anos-sensei]

Bday Imagine hc: pt1

Mammoney's missions

Enjoy.

(YES IT IS TOOK ME LONG SHHH)

mammon doing luci's dirty work.

⚠warning⚠: brief mention of gn!mc, graphic descriptions. (Mammon smokes here because i find it hot and as a fella smoker i like turning characters i love into fellow smokers just because... Its... Hot)

Love and comments are APPRECIATED.

Today was one of the days where mammon had LOTS of free time. And since he promised mc to work for his money.... He also had more money to spend.

AND thats exactly what he was doing, going from shop to shop buying everything he found cute, sexy, hot, pretty, handsome, shiny, glittery, //golden//. At the same time he was on a call with mc, chattering away with the human about their preferences likes and dislikes.

To a lot of people's surprise most of what mammon was buying was actually to gift mc, greedy as he was he loved getting mc's full attention while they were unwrapping and unfolding his gifts. Sometimes mc would even thank him with a kiss for each article they would receive. So he made sure to buy... Plenty.

He had already switched into his demon form, his tail carrying most of the bags to be able to continue shopping, humming a happy tune listening to whatever mc was blabbering about. This time it was about a game levi and mc played, something about an apocalyptic world where the main character became a demon kind etcetera etcetera, he was absolutely in love with mc, dont get him wrong.... But sometimes he couldnt keep up with what they were saying.

It was around an hour later that his other phone rang, one he rarely heard ringing. Sighing, he apologized to mc, telling them he had to go for now because he was having another call from lucifer.

Reluctantly closing off the call, he walked out of the store, the several dozen of bags swinging around lazily with his tail as he walked to a more desolated area.

He took his other phone calling lucifer back who greeted him with an annoyed groan.

"Mammon." Lucifer tries to interupt.

"Hello to you too big brother, whith me your adorable little bro? Im perfectly fine thanks for asking. Oh? What i was doi-"

"Ng, i was shopping for //MY// human until you decided to call me, so whats up."

"Are you done?" Lucifer asks exasperated.

Mammon humms in response, taking out his pack of cigarettes and lighting one. Taking a long drag of it and exhaling the toxic smoke in front of him. His eyes tracing the swirls of the white smoke mesmerizing him.

He takes a deep breath and starts walking while he waits for lucifer to give him the job he wants him to do.

"Luci? You still there ?" Mammon sing songs, walking through the less crowded streets of devildom, where all the homeless and failures resides.

"Where are you right now?" Lucifer asks and mammon swears he can see Lucifer's gloved hand rub at the old man's temples.

"Im in the slums, to be more precise.. Im in the fails."

The fails was a district of about three kilometers, stretching on the sides of devildom, the fails was a place where criminals, people who got banned, ejected, chased or cursed resided. They werent just poor, and each of them had their own conditions, most criminals lived there too so it wasnt as complicated as one thought it would be to catch a criminal.

"Perfect i needed you there," lucifer starts, hope building in his voice. Mammon humms taking another drag of his cigarette, ignoring the pleading groans, whispers and begging.

"Ther-"

"Speak in another language there are some monsters here with good ears." Mammon cuts lucifer off in latin, eying a werewolf like bunny, it was a weird sight...

Lucifer simply sighs and starts again, this time in demonic. It was a language that grates the ears, scratched the soul, burned the eyes and muted anyone's words. If it wasnt for mammon a ruler and a higher demon he would for sure have become deaf.

From the corner of his eye he could see the wereworlf like bunny curling on themselves whimpers escaping it. Several other animal like monsters having the same reaction.

Exhaling another cloud of smoke mammon listened to lucifer explaining his mission, it wss relatively easy, he had to find a criminal called matchablossom, he murdered two rad students for no apparent reason, and has been spotted in the fails.

Mammon hums, "give me a description."

"He's around 2meters maybe a hybrid spicies, we arent sure. He's been seen with pink and green hair, or fur, we dont know for sure, a witness did say that he saw a scar running down his neck."

"Do i have any restrictions?" Mammon asks throwing the cigarette butt to the ground and stepping on it, his attire changing to a black suit, leather gloves and a white upperface mask covering his eyes and nose. Only his pupils were visible and his mouth. His tail was still carrying all the bags.

"Leave no evidence behind." Is all lucifer says before hanging up.

Mammon tucks his phone away humming to himself, a wide smile stretching on his face, long white fangs growing, replacing his smaller canines.

"I havent had a decent meal in a while." He says smiling, side eyeing the people sitting against the broken down houses.

"Say, little runts, any ideas where a sertain 'matchablossom' is? If any of you do know, there's a reward."

"W-whats the reward... S-sir." A little girl asks, comming from between a little alleyway her dirty brown hair contrasting with her pale blue eyes and light skin.

He smiles, his fangs on full display scaring the little girl.

"One of you will have the chance to escape this place, and live a better life, potentially even be able to go to school and have friends," mammon says crouching down in front of the girl. "Wouldn't you like that? Warm fullfilling meals every, single, day. Hot baths and a warm and cozy bed with fluffy and puffy blankets? Toys and friends around you?, new clothes and people who care for you." The little girls eyes are wide in wonder, her eyes shining.

"But of course, all of that will only depend on wheter you know something or not." He continues and the little girl nods vigorously.

Rukus was starting behind her, people protesting that they wanted the same, that it was unfair, that they deserved a chance too.

His eyes shoot up, the cold glare shutting them up immediately. "First come, first served. You all got your chance..You guys stayed still and quiet in fear of matchablossom, fine, but dont come ruin what a little girl honestly earned."

Silence stretched in the fails, only the wind, whistling between the broken buildings could be heard.

"Good." He says and turns his attention back to the girl.

"Show me the way." He says and stretches his gloved hand out for the little girl to grab, which she does.

She leads the way to the end of the streets before abruptly stopping when she hears a noise as if bones were being snacked on, the crunching and licking noises were probably nauseating to the little girl.

He looks down at her noticing her scared eyes. Casting a zero gravity spell on the bags he gives it to the little girl.

"Hold on to this and stay here, ill be right back. And if someone bothers you, say that the grand mammon will send them to hell and let some of the baby crows feed on their organs." The little girl nods, fear still very much present in her eyes at being left alone in such a dangerous part of the fails.

He gently ruffles her hair and walks away, his footsteps light, the noise of cracking bones not stopping.

She was so scared.

[neo-shitty]

reading drown made me remember how much music personally means to me. i used to have a hard time sleeping back in 6th grade to the point that it badly affected my studies bc for some reason im wide awake at night, felt tired but still fully awake which made me unable to focus in school. so of course i researched what i can do since i didnt want to tell my parents (nasa google kaya lahat 😌) long story short, try listening to music daw 😭 so i did bUT since listening to music wasnt really my hobby, i didnt know what type i should start off and at that time, kpop just recently became big LMAO it was like around 2017 i think. so i liSTENED TO EXO since it was the group that i have been hearing around school AHAHAHAHA the song was baby, dont cry btw. it worked surprisingly, music does calm one's nerves. i didnt understand the lyrics ofc but just by the melody, it made everything around me peaceful. whenever i feel anxious, sad, or stressed, music is the way to go :"> SO EON STORY KO PANO AKO NAGING KPOP FAN 😭😭😭 parinig aq ng iyo po 🙇

pero ofc there were times when it was pointless. there were times na listening to music just made everything worse, it would just be another noise that would frustrate me more. kAYA ANG NEED DITO IS ANO TALAGA U KNOW OO ung pwede mong sandalan hahahaha kaso wala ako non :"> so while reading napapa "sige chan ahhaha sana ol sige sana ol may y/n ng buhay nila hahaha" pero real talk, it would be nice to have someone you can share all your worries with without feeling guilty of wasting their time kaya stray kids hopefully you wont be afraid to love someone freely 😌

uy pati nakakaqiqil si jae dito >:( pero no, bias ko pa den siya sa day6 <3 and the scene where chan was guiding reader along while she was riding his skateboard is so cute huhu ,,, lia is the mc in checkmate, correct?

para akong ewan kc you posted this 11 pm right? i always like reading/watching while lying down sO humiga ako kaso pagkahiga ko, inaantok ako agad :"> enjoying something while youre at your most comfortable position feels so ✨heavenly✨ but it makes me too comfy that it drowns me in sleepiness. like i need to sleep muna bago ako maka focus 100% sa ginagawa ko lmao eh since end of the day eon, pagod aq :"< SMALL RANT LNGS KC BIGLA KO NAPANSIN KAGABI HAHAHAHAHA actually pati this afternoon, manonood sana ako hometown chachacha kaso pagkabagsak ko, tulog. kaya tinuloy ko na lang after an hour of sleep huhu

speaking of hometown, im on ep 10 and its the first ep where seungmin's ost was showcased ! im really excited marinig siya later pag finish ko nung ep na eon. BY THIS TIME EP 12 KA NA NOH?? HOPEFULLY EHE EHE and yes justice para sa mga nababastos >:( daming cases here in our school last f2f tbh. ewan like kadalasan, based on my experience, sinisisi nila sa pananamit ng mga babae 👁️👄👁️ i watched a video/show wherein a boy got caught sexualizing ung kaklase niyang girl tas he defended himself by saying na ang ikli ng skirt ni ate girl but thats literally their uniform , scary honestly

pati ify sa ipis, idk why but im more scared sa ipis than mga daga kc naman ang ipis parang gagamba, bigla biglaan na lang mawawala :"> AH SO UN NGA DI AKO NAKAPUYAT AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH PERO WANT KO NA ULE 😭 anong oras ka natulog?

i just realized then, almost all my feedbacks (?) rants abt your works, may included back story ko HAHAHAH like sa obliviate, harry potter kemene. sa on the ride home, yung untog series q. tas dito sa drown -> ^^^ syempre sa checkmate di ako relate kc di pa naman aq pumapanaw Y^Y

btw how was your day? pag gising ko sa umaga dumeretso aq proj, sipag i2. advance happy eating for dinner !

HAPPY CHANNN DAYYY ,, ayos na daw kurtina nila di ko pa nakikita pero inayos daw ni chan 😌👌

- 👻

glad i came home to a whole ass diary entry today omg owo

6TH GRADE HELP ISNT THAT LIKE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE AMNESIA ;n; hala baka magfalse diagnosis ka sa gogol ha, tell your parents next time kung may ano. oh yeah, mas better talaga kung di mo naiintindihan yung lyrics? bc you don't have to think of the lyrics too. music stopped working as a lullaby for me when quarantine started so i resorted to yt vids. but i still go for music whenever my self-esteem is low. noise music really boosts it *u* exo-l ka pa ba now? or you didn't stan? sinu-sino nga pala stinastan mo omg?

dude my story started in g2 when i heard fire by 2ne1 on the MIT top 20 of myx. i was quite a casual kpop fan up until late g10 when i started memorizing members (which i didn't do bc i was really just in it for the music not the groups).

HAJSHJAH truly tho it's nice to have someone around :'( namimiss ko na rin yung time na may 'y/n' ako but it's been so long that i'm fine on my own na HAJHAJ JAE IS MY BIAS TOO BUT ANTAGONIZING HIM WAS FUN. t'was bc of this vid (around the 28:18 to 29:20 mark; literally the inspo for the whole fic). yep, lia's checkmate's mc! the part abt guiding sa skateboard happened to me irl HIHIH #kilig #reminiscing kakamiss f2f

yeah at 11pm. i think i posted it too late bc it's not doing too well notes wise but whatever, it's chan day. HAHAH glad you slept easily though! MY BIGGEST SANA ALL. i slept at 3 na kanina bc i was either too hot or too cold.

how long is the kdrama? also i'm really proud of seungmin for scoring that ost :'( go get it, vocal king. NAUR I DIDNT GET TO FINISH THE ANIME BC I WENT AND WATCHED BSD KDJSKLJ i'll try and finish it tonight (bc i was out the whole day + i might be writing later) i fucking hate men. icb i'm at the point where i'm torn abt having a bf bc i kinda want a man but they're disgusting as hell???? it's hard to find the good ones nowadays.

mga ipis kasi feeling butterfly jsdhjfh at least yung daga aware ka kung asan ;n; IM SCARED OF SPIDERS TOO JDSKFJ wag ka magpuyat l8r kasi monday pero eh depends pa rin sau

oo nga pansin ko din yung back stories but they're interesting to read naman so i don't mind !! SANA DI KA TALAGA MAKARELATE SA CHECKMATE JUSQ do not claim the negative energy from that fic

we went to my mom's office earlier bc she wasn't feeling great and she couldn't come home yet kasi nakabubble siya doon. we just go thome tapos yown diretso answer sa ask HAHAH magtstsaa palang aq mamaya pa ata dinner namin mga 7 pero yeah advance happy eating din sayo!

AND YES HAPPY CHAN DAY <333 lol narealize ko lang both my ults had sunday birthdays this year o.O and OO HAJSHJAH i watched the chan's vlog last night (partly the reason why napuyat ako) and inayos niya yung curtain sa bandang huli <//3 can't tease them anymore HMP

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 100

[Date: 20/03, 7:45 PM GMT - 20/03, 8:49 PM GMT]

[Prior to the below conversation, Mona and Marcus briefly discuss how Maxwell had said that Fetch was supposed to be returning home this day. Even if it wasn’t the Fetch they knew, Mona said that he’d still have to take a bath when he got home.]

Little-K1ng: “i.. kind of dont want to think about it until it happens, yknow?

speaking of max, did you see??

im so proud of him, he left and didnt feel like he had to tell me why”

marcus...?: “Oh! Progress!!”

Little-K1ng: “of course i saw the post, hes waiting for fetch. but i think he also needed something from that place he was staying at? im just hopeful for him

im glad hes feeling confident after all this”

marcus...?: “Me too

He seemed...less stressed”

Little-K1ng: “yeah !!

but honestly, so do you”

marcus...?: “Do I?”

Little-K1ng: “yeah, just a bit

you know i still support you, right?”

marcus...?: “...”

Little-K1ng: “just like how i support max taking off his necklace, i support you being yourself

whatever that means to you”

donti: “. its up to you, marcus.”

marcus...?: “...”

Little-K1ng: “or viscount, if you like”

Little-K1ng: “do you want me to be honest?”

marcus...?: “Please”

Little-K1ng: “i know i havent done that much lately

i dont.... i dont really think you've been "marcus" this whole time. i believe thats who you were before crown, but i dont think you ever really fell out of the Family, so to speak

and im fine with that”

marcus...?: “...you are?”

llyr (they/them): “uhm, i hate to interrupt, but i think knight has max?”

donti: “WHAT”

Little-K1ng: “WH

okay,, uh”

donti: “NOT GOOD”

[marcus...?: “...you are?”]

Little-K1ng: “yes i am

but also”

llyr (they/them): “max said he was going to go outside and now knight said “he has the third””

Little-K1ng: “HHHH”

donti: “hey hey uh. this is.. not ideal but. we can. work through this.

do you know. wher ethey are OH WAIT BARONESS IS WHAT

baroness is taking max.

but fetch looks to be coming back.”

llyr (they/them): “... 3:

... shit.”

donti: “"shit" indeed.”

Little-K1ng: “I.....”

donti: “mona?”

Little-K1ng: “christ”

donti: “marcus.. or veyecount?”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even go get him,

i thought he was on his way back i...”

marcus...?: “...max isnt.. coming back”

donti: “no..

unless you want to try to catch baroness.

fetch can hear the music.”

marcus...?: “What music?”

donti: “. the music crown plays.

to get him to sleep. or be taken.”

marcus...?: “...oh”

donti: “. if he resists it his nose starts bleeding. its not good.”

Jack the Observer: “Fetch is making his way back to the house.

at least.”

marcus...?: “That’s good”

llyr (they/them): “there’s nothing we can do at this point, is there?”

Jack the Observer: “no.”

marcus...?: “...Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “im just.....

i guess... im running a warm bath, do you want to put on some coffee? if fetch shows up, hes going to be exhausted. if knight shows up, hes going to appreciate the effort”

marcus...?: “....yeah I can do that”

Little-K1ng: “.....brew it strong

ill need some too, i have a migraine coming on”

marcus...?: “Got it”

donti: “. guys.

fetch isnt doing. too well.”

llyr (they/them): “...”

marcus...?: “I can see that, try not to stress Mona out any more than she already is please”

donti: “alright.”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, can i check your laurel? just to see if anything else has happened to it”

marcus...?: “Uh..yeah sure”

Little-K1ng: “hm.. the flowers are pretty and blooming well, but no new changes”

marcus...?: “...can I check for you?”

Jack the Observer: “well. we can see how Mona is doing. how about you, viscount?”

marcus...?: “I’m alright”

arc: “is there anything you need from us at the moment bud?”

marcus...?: “I’m fine, Mona is stressed”

Jack the Observer 👁: “it would be understandable if you were also stressed, viscount.

after all, you are familiar with both Fetch and Knight.”

marcus...?: “I’m....not stressed exactly

Anxious maybe”

[marcus...?: “...can I check for you?”]

Little-K1ng: “...please”

marcus...?: “....

Nothing

No bumps

Your skins red but you said you’d been pulling on your hair”

Jack the Observer: “it's the twentieth.”

Little-K1ng: “yeah... been constantly checking and its actually kinda hurting from that”

Jack the Observer: “that would imply that she is not, in fact the fourth.

...”

Little-K1ng: “but only from that, nothing on the skin”

Jack the Observer: “so who is?”

Little-K1ng: “im.... i just....ii  j ust ,,”

llyr (they/them): “wasn’t baroness’s a spontaneous growth?”

Jack the Observer: “not really. she had a unusual headache and illness for days before.”

Little-K1ng: “i dd o nt knn ow”

donti: “ah. mona.”

marcus...?: “Hey hey hey Mona it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “h h ow amd i gg oi ng to kee p d oi ng this”

Little-K1ng: “eever yy FUCKING time,,”

donti: “breathe..”

Jack the Observer: “calm yourself.

fetch is here

is fetch there, mona”

donti: “fetch!”

Little-K1ng: “hh es ??

wha t?

oh

oh i hear footsteps on the porch”

Jack the Observer: “calm yourself. go to fetch.”

Little-K1ng: “I”

marcus...?: “ow”

Little-K1ng: “WOAH okay”

. . .: “ ...”

Little-K1ng: “FETCH?”

marcus...?: “Did you have to slam the door??”

. . .: “............”

marcus...?: “Holy shit”

. . .: “...”

Jack the Observer: “viscount, what's happening.”

donti: “fetch?”

Little-K1ng: “the door just FLEW open oh my god”

marcus...?: “He’s..covered in blood”

Little-K1ng: “oh my god

oh thats a lot....”

marcus...?: “Oh my god”

. . .: “Cant you hear that lovely tune?”

Jack the Observer: “Who's the most coherent one in the room”

marcus...?: “Me?”

Little-K1ng: “the... tune?”

donti: “. the song.”

marcus...?: “Fetch there’s no sound”

Bea (she/they): “oh no”

Jack the Observer: “well. can you hear puppet?”

marcus...?: “Just..us”

Jack the Observer: “...”

Little-K1ng: “fetch..... its quiet except for your breathing, are you....?”

Jack the Observer: “it's Knight that's playing puppet, then.”

donti: “or crown.”

marcus...?: “There’s no sounds”

Little-K1ng: “fetch... i..”

marcus...?: “No one is playing anything”

Little-K1ng: “hey, come here... you're gonna hurt yourself, i can help you stand..”

marcus...?: “WHOA HEY”

[donti: “is his nose bleeding?”]

Little-K1ng: “genuinely the least answerable question”

Jack the Observer: “someone get Max's tea.”

Little-K1ng: “AH

FETCH”

marcus...?: “he just collapsed”

Little-K1ng: “hes on the floor

ill carry him im”

donti: “the tea jacks right give him the tea”

Little-K1ng: “he needs a lot”

C R O W N: “:)”

Little-K1ng: “[GASP] uh uh hey hey there uh”

donti: “. crown. nice to.. see you again.”

Little-K1ng: “just gonna,, drag

fetch,,”

Little-K1ng: “gotta get him cleaned up,, hahahaha,,, uh,,,”

C R O W N: “hello again everyone :) long time, no see”

marcus...?: “.....

Crown”

marcus...?: “Crown I’m so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “here bud, just lay here, okay? you'll be alright,, ill keep you safe, you'll be okay, fetch

ill grab maxs weird water for you just.... just lay here.... dont slump like that...”

[marcus...?: “Crown I’m so sorry”]

C R O W N: “Ah, viscount :) how are you feeling? your flowers are coming in beautifully”

marcus...?: “I’m feeling alright but..

I’m sorry

im so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “here, fetch, shh... just.... ill wipe you down with it... it should help.... i cant see if you're wounded i cant see it... ,my migraine.....you'll be okay you'll be okay ill keep you safe”

[marcus...?: “im so sorry”]

C R O W N: “It's alright :) i'm not mad, i promise”

marcus...?: “..you’re not?

I... I pushed you in a river”

donti: “marcus?

marcus...?: “I pushed you in a river and I knew it would hurt you I was just so scared im sorry

I never wanted to leave I was just scared I'm sorry”

Little-K1ng: “there we go.... your cuts are sealing, you're looking better already... you're breathing okay... i promised you would come home in time and you're here fetch and im so glad”

[marcus...?: “I never wanted to leave I was just scared I'm sorry”]

C R O W N: “It's okay, vis. You're going home now. That's what matters :)”

marcus...?: “i can come back?”

Little-K1ng: “im sure lawrence would have understood.... im sure he forgives you..... its okay....... i forgive you, i was never mad fetch im here.... i wont let you go again i promise i promise i”

marcus...?: “you’ll let me come back home?” 

[marcus...?: “you’ll let me come back home?”] 

C R O W N: “of course :)”

marcus...?: “thank you thankyouthankyou

....crown?”

C R O W N: “:)”

marcus...?: “Crown...max and fetch...

They aren’t happy.......when they’re page and knight

please

let them be happy”

Kate: “Oh, this is such a good day!”

marcus...?: “can you promise me that?”

Little-K1ng: “its okay fetch its okay ive got you im holding you you'll be okay even if you're knight i wont mind i wont as long as you're okay and you're happy i promise i really do”

donti: “chat and kate are here.”

Jack the Observer: “hello, pawns :)”

Kate: “:)”

Chat: “:)”

[.: “let them be happy”]

C R O W N: “Of course, vis. I promise they'll be happy:)”

marcus...?: “thank you”

Little-K1ng: “crown is in my house hes in my house hes talking to marcus viscount him and i just i dont know what to do i said i would be okay im going to be okay ive done it before and ill do it again ill be okay”

[Jack the Observer: “calm yourself, Mona. focus on... your dog.”]

Little-K1ng: “name one single other thing i have ever been focused on you many eyed FUCK”

Kate: “:)”

[Kate: “hello there! are you as excited as we are?”]

Jack the Observer: “we've certainly been waiting for this moment with a comparable amount of energy.”

Kate: “:)”

donti: “you seem excited. i hope youre happy.”

C R O W N: “It's time to go home, for all of you. Are you ready? :)”

.: “I’m ready”

Little-K1ng: “ive been waiting for this day for weeks now and its here and i dont know what to do i dont know how to help or what to say or how to feel or what to think what the fuck”

Kate: “Of course I’m happy, silly! Family is coming home today! Wouldn’t you be happy?”

. . .: “Duh! why wouldn't i be!”

Little-K1ng: “knight if today is the day you still have to get up and go hes here and i dont know how patient hes going to be please ijust wa nt  yo u to be h a pp y . and sa sa fe....”

C R O W N: “I'm glad to hear it :)”

Jack the Observer: “we're just waiting on the second and the fourth, now.”

Little-K1ng: “the second is in here in the bathroom with me please crown please come in and see him i cant get him to wake up hes exhausted and i dont know what to do”

donti: “why are you calling him that...”

Jack the Observer: “well. we can't call him Knight or Fetch.”

Little-K1ng: “hes breathing hes ALIVE but i cant i cant help him i dont know what to do hes not bleeding anymore he should be awake”

Bea (she/they): “who said we couldn't call him fetch?”

[donti: “why are you calling him that...”]

Jack the Observer: “the second makes it clear, at least, who we're speaking about.”

[Little-K1ng: “hes breathing hes ALIVE but i cant i cant help him i dont know what to do hes not bleeding anymore he should be awake”]

C R O W N: “Ah I see :)”

Jack the Observer: “he may not be fetch right now. it's disrespectful not to call someone by their chosen name.”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know who the fourth is and i dont know what to do i dont have a laurel and i dont know how to help”

C R O W N: “:)”

Little-K1ng: “WHY ARE YOU SMILING?? IS HE OKAY WHAT DO I DO CROWN”

[Little-K1ng: “WHY ARE YOU SMILING?? IS HE OKAY WHAT DO I DO CROWN”]

C R O W N: “The first came willingly, the second is sleeping, the third is heading home. The fourth? :)”

Kate: “Don't worry, Mona! When he wakes up, he'll be good as new! Crown always takes care of us”

Little-K1ng: “crown my migraine isnt worse with you around, its just the same. i weirdly expected something to change while im looking at you”

Little-K1ng: “im just looking at you and you're right in front of me. you're just. you're just smiling at me and im just as conflicted as i was before. i dont know what to do, crown

[hic] ii , ,i  just don n t kn ow wwh a t to do..”

Jack the Observer: “please stay coherent, mona.”

Little-K1ng: “i, , i m, t try ing,... ii h a ve t o try”

C R O W N: “It's alright :) can i speak with you? away from prying eyes?”

Little-K1ng: “I...”

Little-K1ng: “yeah

we can talk”

Jack the Observer: “...”

donti: “... be safe mona.”

llyr (they/them): “... stay safe”

Jack the Observer: “mind how you go.”

Little-K1ng: “ill be safe, i think. i dont think he could really hurt me like this”

Kate: “:)”

Jack the Observer: “:)”

Kate: “Everything will be alright. Don't worry your pretty little heads.”

Chat: “:)”

Kate: “:)”

donti: “.i wonder if the others are alright.”

Jack the Observer: “will everything come out alright? none of us can be certain.”

Kate: “Come on, don't be sad. Today's a joyous day! It's the first day of spring!”

Jack the Observer: “not even Kate, confident as they are”

donti: “ah. a very happy day.”

donti: “spring.”

Kate: “Why wouldn't everything come out alright? Family's coming home! It's time to have a good old fashioned celebration!”

llyr (they/them): “spring... is a very good season. it’s new beginnings, right? :3″

Kate: “Exactly! It's a time for new beginnings, to clear away the dust and sadness and coldness of winter and let the sunshine in!”

donti: “spring cleaning is. overrated.”

llyr (they/them): “haha.. you’re right...”

Kate: “Yes, but sometimes it's necessary to let beautiful things grow!”

[astralshipper]

Ok time to watch new supernatural ep since I couldn’t watch live. Liveblog and probably tears below, enter at ur own risk!!

Oh god okay wait why are they being mean to that lady it’s a soup kitchen ofc she isn’t perfectly clean she’s HOMELESS, be NICE TO HER-

Okay good giv her soup!!!!

Oh shit walking down the street alone is BAD NEWS WHO IS SPEAKING

what’s up with rhis show and teddy bears- WHAT THE FUCKCNDJJDD YWAH WAS WAITING FOR THAT ONE ALRIGHT BYE KID

OK I STOPPED FOR A WHILE BC CAS SHOWED UP I GOT EXCITED BUT JACK IS SUCH A SWEETHEART I LOVE HIM HES SO EXCITED ABOUT MATCHING TIES AND HES STILL GOT HIS BADGE UPSIDE DOWN

jack has the talking teddy JACK HAS THE TALKING TEDDY I LOVE THIS SO MUCH HES SO CUTE WHAT A BABEY

Jack is looking him up on social media he really is gen z OH MY GOD “I NEED A PARENT OR GUARDIANS PERMISSION” “YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION” “I HAVE HIS PERMISSION!!!!!”

Cas there’s no such thing as too many cat photos

THIS DEMON WANTS TO HELP SO BAD IM CACKLIGNGN

YEAH STAY!!! Pls don’t make me regret being excited abt u two staying to help!!! I just want father son bonding!!!!

tag urself im the shitty mask

For fucks sake “at least for once it’s not us” FUCKING STOP

“WHERE CAN I FIND THE KOOL AID” JACK PLEASE-

U aren’t allowed to walk away from jack he’s a sweetheart smh. also hdjdjdjdn jack cas yall ain’t slick

GOD DAMN NAH JUST KILL ME ITS FINE ILL JUST DIE PLEASE also. Gotcha. Seven deadly sins ndndjd

jack youre such a sweetheart I care abt u so much

“I have more dads than most” IM SCREAMING I LOVE U TINY BOY BUT DONT PUT UR TRUST IN GOD DONT DO THAT JUST KNOW THAT UR DADS LOVE U!!!!!

I’m thriving on the Cas and jack content here this is all I’ve ever wanted pls dont make Cas go bye bye BC of this just let us have this one last go

fam if I’m going to hell for wanting to kiss girls then bring on the hellfire fuck all that noise castiel is not homophobic he is utterly indifferent to sexual orientation and Chuck is bisexual we have been OVER THIS-

Sam bringing home that bad news- HOLY FUCKINGNG SHIT JJFJ HI AUNTIE AMARA

I think Amara just called u guys stinkie. Amara can I pls get lunch with u I wanna have lunch with u!!!

Cas telling his story to the group why am I cryigg NG nggn,,, I JUST WANT HIM TO B HAPPY BUT HE CANT BE BC HE’LL DIE

HOLY SHIT HOW DID- WHAT THE FUCKCJVJJFJ WELL THATS QUITE SMTHN TO SEE

I gotta say. I understand that Amara not helping is terrible. But,,, I get it,,, yknow? He’s her brother. Her TWIN. Of course she won’t betray him that easily.

Mans gonna b dead

Yep! He gone!!

oh. oh dean is asking about HER. oh. Holy shit I’m gonna cry ok oh god OH GOD DEAN MAD!!!! HES PISSED. DEAN IS SPITTING TRUTH EVERYBODY RUN FOR THE HILLS. “I would never hurt you” why did that line hit me so fucking hard,,, I know what he’s doing, I know he’s lying, I know he’s using the cover that jack will be pulling the trigger to say he’s telling the truth. But like. Fuck that hit hard jfjffjf that felt comforting somehow, even though he fully prepared to rip someone’s head off

OH SHIT ITS SOFT GIRL???? DAMMIT OF COURSE IT IS. OF COURSE ITS SOFT GIRL.

OH I LOVE WHEN THEY TRY TO HURT THE ANGELS. CAS HEAL CAS HEAL IM FUCKIGNN CRYINGG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. “WHAT ARE YOU” BITCHHC I CAN S E E THE “IM AN ANGEL OF THE LORD” HE DONT HAVE TO SAY ITI CAN SEE IT IN THOSE EYES

CAs pls stop saying ur not a good angel ur an AMAZING ANGEL. THE BEST. wtfbfjfjjf

NONONONONONONO FUCK THIS FUCK THIS SO MYCH FUCK THISSSSS JACK YOU CANT YOU CANNOT WHAT GHE FUCJJ CAS TELL SAM AND DEAN TELL THEM RIGHT NOW

CAS NO NO MO YOU BETTER MAKE IT BACK YOU BETTER MAKE OT BACK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE IT BACK IM FUCKIGNGN BEGGING YOU JUST ONE MORE SCENE WITH EVERYONE TOGETHER. JUST ONE MORE. PLEASENFNFJFJ

[terribletrollstbh]

-- sturdySixshooter [SS] began pestering diogenesDestroyer [DD] at 16:13 --

[04:13] SS: H-ya

[04:13] DD: eyo

[04:14] SS: How's !t go!n, doll?

[04:14] DD: ..oooo, ur that cowgurl aintcha?

[04:14] DD: going lots better now that YOU'RE here, hun ;))

[04:14] SS: shoot, looks l!k- ya got m-

[04:15] SS: haha, !t looks l!k- !m alr-ady w!nn!n ya ov-r

[04:15] DD: what can i TELL YA, im a SUCKER for PRETTY GURLS

[04:16] SS: aww now your just t-as!n

[04:17] DD: hey, i might not -DIG the cowboy thing AT FIRST, but i aint SHY about telling a GURL how sweet she looks

[04:17] DD: so SPEAKING OF cowboy thing....

[04:17] SS: h-h-

[04:17] DD: .... what kin--Da stuff --Does a COWGURL like ya GET UP TO

[04:18] SS: !t's mostly just th- acc-nt but round!ng up hoofb-asts !s rath-r -asy

[04:19] SS: though th- rop- !s for... oth-r... act!v!t!-s

[04:19] DD: so like, HORNE-D hoofbeasts or the ones HIGBLOO-DS like? with the silly hair n stuff

[04:19] DD: oooo now LOOK who's teasing!

[04:20] SS: Ma!nly th- on-s th-m blu-s s--m to worsh!p so... horn-d ! gu-ss

[04:20] SS: ha ha oh my ! probably shouldnt hav- sa!d noth!ng

[04:21] DD: aw cmon :(( -DONT clam up now SUNSHINE, yall were just SHINING

[04:21] SS: haha w-ll now

[04:22] SS: ! suppos- !t would b- a m!ght rud- to l-av- a f!n- lady alon- for a n!ght

[04:22] DD: exactly!

[04:23] DD: yknow the whole PREFERENCE for a CASTE thing always seeme--D WEIR-D to me

[04:23] DD: but HONESTLY? i always -DUG me some yellowbloo--Ds

[04:23] SS: !t's

[04:23] DD: especially when theyre -DOWNRIGHT GOL-DEN

[04:23] SS: oh

[04:23] SS: shoot now

[04:23] SS: g-tt!n m- all flust-r-d

[04:24] DD: cant KEEP up? --Dont WORRY hun, i can go at WHATEVER PACE you like ;)

[04:24] SS: k--p on talk!n that way and ! m!ght just hav- to g-t doll-d up for you

[04:24] DD: if you're SERIOUSLY looking for a GOO-D TIME, how about YOU an--D I meet up someplace TONIGHT?

[04:25] DD: i got some GOO-D club recommen--Dations, but im ALWAYS up for a SURPRISE if you got something BETTER in min--D

[04:26] SS: w-ll ha

[04:26] SS: !m not so much good at danc!ng and whatnot

[04:27] DD: really? not even SQUARE -DANCING?

[04:28] SS: oh ha no no

[04:29] SS: just caus- ! got an acc-nt and ! work a farm dont m-an ! car- for oth-r st-r-otyp-s

[04:29] DD: FAIR. to be HONEST, i woul--Dve HURLE-D if you sai--D yes ;P

[04:30] SS: w-ll ! appr-c!at- th- s-nt!m-nt hun

[04:30] SS: !'d much rath-r l!v- !n a c!ty, but ! got a job h-r-

[04:31] DD: yeah? well why --Dont you COME on -DOWN to my place, i live in this SCUZZY HIVECLUSTER thats actually, like, in a REALLY COOL part of town.

[04:31] SS: Hmm mayb- !'ll tak- you up on that off-r

[04:32] SS: you do talk som- pr-tty c!rcl-s, so !'ll tak- your word

[04:33] DD: theres MORE about me thats PRETTY than just how i TALK ;)

[04:33] DD: so WHAT kin--D of STUFF --Do you like to -DO? i BET i can fin--D SOMEPLACE we coul--D meet up

[04:33] SS: ! -njoy som- food

[04:34] SS: though uh that's a m!ght obv!ous wh-n ya s-- m-

[04:35] DD: well THATS easy ;P i know this CUTE un--Dergroun--D restaurant that like, makes SUSHI for lowbloo--Ds.

[04:35] SS: Oh? ! don't b-l!-v- !'v- -v-r tr!-d proff-s!onally mad- sush!

[04:36] DD: yeah like, its REAL HAR-D for em to get FRESH STUFF, so it pops up every WEEK or so

[04:37] DD: keep your NIGHTS free for me -DARLING, an--D i can HIT you UP when it next opens ;)

[04:37] SS: That s--ms rath-r unfortunat- for a r-staurant bas-d on sush!

[04:38] DD: WHAT can you SAY? scuzzy SEA-DWELLERS got a STRANGLEHOL-D on the business

[04:38] SS: Tru-.

[04:38] SS: Though ! do know a f-w who ar- rath-r down to hom-.

[04:38] SS: thogh thy oft-n g-t call-d mutants

[04:40] DD: eh, i--D rather AVOI-D talking about MUTIES. --Dont got much PROBLEMS with em personally, but i aint about to get CULLE-D just for talking to someone

[04:41] SS: ! doubt th- pol!c- w!ll -v-r th!nk to w!r-tap a publ!c chat forum

[04:41] SS: th-y'r- a m!ght too worr!-d about y-llow bloods hav!n ps!on!c pot-nt!al

[04:41] DD: REALLY? cus like, thats EXACTLY what they fucking -DO

[04:42] DD: i thought SCIENTERRORISTS took care of that PSIIONIC crap

[04:42] SS: ! don't actually hav- knowl-dg- of no m!l!tary bu!sn-ss

[04:42] SS: ! just know from -xp-r!-nc- that ! a!n't b--n cull-d y-t

[04:43] SS: and ! talk from h!gh h-av-n to d--p alt-rn!a about mutants

[04:44] DD: EITHER WAY, lets not BUM OUT the convo with talk about CULLING. i--D RATHER talk about what a CUTIE like you --Does in her SPARE TIME

[04:44] SS: w-ll ! -njoy som- mus!c and cook!ng

[04:45] SS: oth-rw!s- my day !s rath-r full tak!ng car- of my h-rd

[04:46] DD: aw, WORKING GURL, huh? at least you can JAM to TUNES while, i --Dunno, POKING COWS?

[04:46] SS: Haha don't say !t l!k- that

[04:46] SS: !t sounds w!-rd

[04:46] SS: but y-s ! do oft-n l!st-n to mus!c wh!l- ! work

[04:47] DD: WHAT, woul--D PUSHING -DOGS soun--D better? im a CITY SLICKER, --Darling, i aint know what COWFOLK actually -DO

[04:48] DD: maybe i coul--D SWING by your place an--D LEARN all about it

[04:48] SS: !t's bas!cally l!k- k--p!ng a r-ally larg- p-t.

[04:48] SS: you f--d !t, mak- sur- !t's h-althy, and l-t !t do !t's own th!ng.

[04:48] SS: occa!sonally g!v!ng th-m a carrot for b-!ng good hoofb-asts

[04:49] DD: think my RHINESTONE COWBOOTS woul--D looks better, or the HOT PINK number? i wanna LOOK my BEST for your pets

[04:49] SS: Haha ! wouldn't w-ar anyth!ng fancy unl-ss you wanna r!sk st-ppng on on- of th-m landm!n-s th-y s-t

[04:50] DD: ha ha EW, i was JOKING about the boots, MAYBE i shoul--D get some RUBBER ONES instea--D if we being REAL PRACTICAL here

[04:52] SS: Haha.

[04:52] SS: How would you r-act !f ! don- sa!d th- landm!n-s w-r- r-al?

[04:52] SS: m!l!try grad- -xplos!v-s

[04:53] SS: s-t by cows

[04:53] DD: oh GO-D, now i CANT actually TELL if you're talking about LEAVINGS or not XP

[04:54] SS: h-h- !'m not b-!n s-r!ous hun.

[04:55] SS: !f that w-r- th- cas-, !'dv- b--n d-ad for a long t!m-

[04:55] DD: well, thats GOO-D, otherwise i WOUL-DNT have gotten to MEET YA

[04:55] DD: ...of course, thats BA-D for ME, cus now i gotta WATCH for TUR-DS if i vist ya

[04:56] SS: Haha !t's f!n-.

[04:57] SS: Th-y mostly try to k--p !t !n a c-ntral ar-a

[04:58] DD: well AT LEAST it aint WHACK a MOLE with --Doo--Dy, i AINT too GOO-D at that game.

[04:58] SS: You'r- funny.

[04:59] DD: i--D LOVE to keep chatting hun, but i got a PARTY i nee--D to get rea--Dy for. UNFORTUNATELY this beauty TAKES TIME

[04:59] SS: ! gotta h-ad off, th-y'r- bray!n f-r som- food

[04:59] SS: talk to you lat-r?

[04:59] DD: PROMISE!

[04:59] SS: ;)

-- sturdySixshooter [SS] ceased pestering diogenesDestroyer [DD] at 16:59 --

[killemotions]

5/16/2021 11:10pm

I am considering on looking for a therapist right now. I guess I have mental illness? Im having trouble committing some things into memory which leads me to my lack of confidence in the things I do. I want to die, but I dont want to leave my family nothing. I just want to be myself again. I dont want to depend my happiness to someone. fuck I just dont want to exsist this world is shit I just want to not think about the things im thinking right now. right now im thinking if Im even a good person. I dont know anymore, I dont have confidence. I dont want to be wrong. I dont want to hurt anyone. I dont know if I want to talk about it. I dont know what I want to do. I dont know what I want to be. I feel like life is just passing by and Im just watching it happen. like some loser who has no control over his life. I just dont know what to do. I dont know what to do now. it getting late and I need to sleep. but I still want to brain dump I dont want this to haunt me in my dreams. I dont deserve to have needs? because Im a man. I said na Ill give you a pass saying na im okay with it because I know what you have been up to. I wasnt trying to control you or anything. but then “ I hate it when men think they can control women”. okay. yes thats oppression but Im talking about MY needs in this relationship cuz I miss you and you feel so distant both physically, mentally and emotionally. like I get why you need to be there. you miss your family which is good. pero does it have to come with the emotional distance as well? This is why I dont want to be away with you pero saying that would make it seem that Im suffocating you and not trying to give you space. also Im saying it here not not because Im petty and Im hold grudges and have pent up anger its because you dont let me vent it out in a way that I like. you always talk over me. and when I speak to you, you sound so disinterested and kupal lang talaga ng dating. If I try to talk in a calm manner I get overwhelmed by the barrage of words you say. what do I do? I cant hit you to get your attention because that bad and wrong. what do I do? I try to shout and turn the volume of my voice way up to make you shut up. and when that happens you dont seem to be listening. and when I want to hold a conversation after doing so youll give me the “you told me to shut up, or Im scared of you” its like you didnt see or know what lead to that moment. you are so obsess with being right na thats all you care about. and you think that being right means you can do what ever you want. even if it hurts people. because youre petty. and you think thats okay. its a very toxic trait. and Im trying to hold my composure. but being an emotional punching bag is hard. but I think I just became just a plain punching bag. because I cant even speak. I feel like I cant get tired because Im a man and that its so easy for me. I am not invalidating your hardship or pain or anyone’s pain for that matter. lets focus in OUR relationship. I dont feel special when you are way from me for too long. and I feel like you forget about me. but thats what you said about having long distance that you cant handle that. which is understandable. but this isnt in a sense that we are coming back. to have the old normal (hopefully sooner) its like I dont have control na we are forced to be apart and the relationship is crumbling. you said that when Im mad or I want to talk about something I should just do it. pero Im not getting a chance. and when I do I dont get the listening you, and its like you arent interested in the things I say and dont want to talk about it or interested to fix it cuz you are right and everything I say would just go thru you. I dont want to talk anymore. you said good night I dont know if thats because you “care” about me or just doing it because we talked about it that youre only doing it just to shut me up. I didnt receive an apology (that I had to say it first) (cuz simp?) but I believe you are working on that. I dont know if I should call you out. pero I feel thats gonna errupt another fight na “I already did what you want me to do eme eme... why are men like this...” or thats what you want to call you out. I dont know what motivates you in doing things. my take is that I dont know if you want a push (which is calling you out) or taking your time (letting you discover things on your own). I just want to sleep now. I dont care if I wake up. but I want my belongings to go to Migui. Hopefully he knows what to do with my assets. My phone (pixel 3a) goes to Migui because I know he wants it lol hahaha. and what ever things that needs to be distributed. I hope my remains give life to plants. Good night!

[hammilove]

An open letter to my college bestfriend.

Created: June 8, 2018

I hate that we are not speaking to each other right now. I hate it more because I dont know why. Especially now that our lives are beginning, i miss you more each day.

Today, i wanted to give up. To just not try harder, to just settle. And i miss you telling me that I can do all things. Right now, i feel nothing. I dont know what to say anymore. I hope you are well.

Btw, i sent a message to you today. In case, you dont want to read it, i hope someday, this will reach you.

"Di ko alam paano sisimulan to pero siguro i would just start with sorry. In case na hindi mo nga talaga nareceive yung text ko last saturday pero nagsosorry ako dun, pati dun sa secret message. Honestly di ko alam what am i sorry for, sabi ko nga lang if may nagawa or nasabi man ako na hindi mo gusto or yung presence ko mismo then sorry. Di ko kasi alam if galit ka or what. Okay get sabi nga nila baka hormones pero hindi ba masyadong overdue naman yun, and to the fact na bakit sakin lang thats why i asked, and then you didnt give me an answer kaya sabi ko baka gusto mo lang ng space kasi naiirita ka sakin kaya di muna ko tumabi sa inyo that sunday. Pero hanggang ngayon di ko gets bakit kasi parang naging sobrang laking bagay na after nun. Sabi nila nagiinarte lang ako kasi di ka naman daw galit, eh bakit ganun? If you didn’t want to answer okay lang, gusto ko lang ng truce. Kasi honestly, i can’t think and function well knowing na may hard feeling ako sa kaibigan ko, lalo pa ikaw yan. Of all people, ikaw yung least na maiisip kong makakatampuhan ko ng ganito. Alam mo namang isa ka sa keystone ng buhay ko. And 60+ days na lang, i need to get my shit together. At alam ko rin namang nabobother ka na din. We need to focus on the board exam without distraction sa mga ganitong bagay. So please, ayusin na natin to. Sobrang dami kong pride na kinain just to construct this so i hope maging okay. Sorry talaga if ever man i did something wrong."

[brownsugar-k]

DOS:

>>> After I quit my first job I decided to go corporate. My Abuelita was a founder member of a huge company right now in Ortigas which she sent a recommendation for me to be part of that company. I had an interview and exams yet on my final interview, the Supply Manager been honest with me that they can not hire me because I am lacking experience thus they cannot just relay on the training because corporate world is different from a call center. Well, I went home heart broken but my soul is on fire to have that experience that his telling me. So, I applied to another corporate giant in the south which  is SCMC. Yes, I am part of that mall people but I dont work inside the mall & clap hands once in a while. NOPE -- not that. Anyway, I had an interview in that company which took me a month to get in. I have a lot of interviews and exams then on my final interview, the leasing manager was respectable and she's a SHE so I think I have a chance. When she interviewed me, she was so straighforward on what she needs in an employee and the plus there is that, she can speak spanish too like me. Which I think that was the real reason why I got hired. But yes, I got in. I got hired in a clerk position which means basically, is like a levelled up OJT which you do the errands and all. I was happy in a way because its morning shift and six (6x) a week job so I dont have any complain. After three (3) months I got regularized which is the first in that company to regularized someone in the third (3rd) month because usually the managers promotes their employees by the sixth (6th) month. But I guess my manager really likes me and the way I work. I was happy back then because my colleagues are like my siblings and our manager is our big Mamma hen kinda way. No one can touch us because surely our big Mamma hen will get back at them. She's smart and she know her ways in legal so I learned a lot specially Im a frustrated lawyer. All I can say, that she's good in and out of the office because she treats us differently when were outside which I saw the huge picture of professionalism. I liked her a lot. I look up to her like my new Mumma because she cares about us all which is a homey cozy feeling. Fast-forwarad, I love my job that time because of the people that I am into and the love that we have in our team is replaceable plus the manager like her, means a lot to me; but my pocket is not so happy. I was struggling to make the ends meet with my own expenditures and for the house plus the always banggit of my brother na, "baka pwede makahingi ng ganito, kasi may project kami & etc". Lets be honest for once, I am not born with a silver spoon -- but just a bronze spoon only when my Mumma is still alive, but then when she left us & went home to heaven, I have no choice but to work my ass off for my brother. With this, I didn't mind working still because I love my job because I create contracts and have them sign to big people and I was able to meet them in flesh -- thats the perks of my job that time. I was able to meet Lemon Square (which his younger than me & its just a thesis in DLSU), Cellboy (oooh, the apple of my eyes that time -- so gwapo and bango thats why I love meeting him up), and my fave Mr. Quickmelt aka Mr. Muhlach (yup as in tito ni Aga Muhlach). His my fave because he reminds me of my Abuelo who loves to make kwento and all. I remember the first time I met him, he took my whole afternoon just to sign my contract but I enjoyed his company the most. Also, my super crush the Mary Grace brothers --- when they come to the office everyone in the leasing will definitely turn their heads and will go to my office for chika. Those were the great times I had in that company. And my personal life was so busy as well like almost everynight were out to drink & spend time with each other even we go to work the next day no sleep. Had multiple sleepless nights because my boss wants to go out after work, which is fine by me. But it goes down to I needed money for my brother's expenses in school. Working there is A-OK I mean there are perks and all specially in concerts and VIP club GL's but again, it doesnt make sense anymore that time. And I came to the point that I got fed up & tired of sleepless nights just to please my boss plus I noticed that I smoke & drink a lot again just like in college which is not good. Unfortunately, even if I love the people I work there, I need to leave because I needed more money for my brother. Plus my cousin who is a manager in Makati, asked me to join her team with a good pay and thats the reason why I left. I left my boss with a heavy heart because I really like her and I know have a bright future there but I needed more plausible pay that can support me and my brother who's studying that time. Up to this date, I havent spoke with my boss and frankly, there are times when I pass by the office, I pray to see her by accident so I can caught her up to catch up which never happen. Then, let God decide on that matter.

TAKE AWAY - its ok to drink & spend time with your colleagues after work but not ALL the time. Because spending time with your family is still the best thing to do.

[skolipede]

 wow rit su this sunset sure is beautiful. yeah it sure is. i havent seen a sunset this beautiful since that other time you took me to see the sunset. but you know whats even more beautiful than this ,  sunset? no. what?                 these tickets to new york city that i stole from my dad. what. new york city? the big abble? sha ou thats a long way away. and? whats the problem?  well we cant just leave. what about school. school is for

chumpsritsu i tell you this every day. lets go ritsu we deserve a break. well i guess it wouldnt hurt to go just for a few days.

but what about moneywe need to stay inahotel. its ok i took a small loan of a million dollars from my dads bank’account. ok so apparentelysolets just pretend we did that al ready. excuse mey suhrs can you please step through the metel detectur so we can check for metalllsssss.

oh.

sure thing.

suh the metal detectuh isbeeping do you have anething in youre poocket’s.

oh.

um.

no.

well im going to haf to ask yuo to empty your pookets anywaey. oh yeah i forgo about the metal orb that i always bring with me  everywhere. oh i didnt even know you had that sha-ou what the hell. sir is this a bomb.                                     oh no, the orb is not harmful at all. i think its prohbably a bomb suh we’re colling the poleece. oh shit gotta blast come on rit-su we gotta go. im really sorry about my boy friend sir he likes to evade the law,. smell you later.

well now we’re wanted criminals in japan atleast we finally made it to new york city. this is not good. sha. ooh. what is my family going to think. ritsu you need. to chill out. dont forget  i have a million dollars. we coudl easily just pay the authority to shut up or something. okay. well. if you say so. can we just do something else so i dont have to think about it. of course we can. were here to have fun after aall. how about we go to the movies i hear that sausage party is pretty good.

hey you cant see this movie because youre like 12 sourry.

will this cash money change your mind?

oh. yes. of course. please go right ahead and enjoy salami festival.

well i kind of forgot we cant speak english but the movie was still pretty good. yeah. i like the part with the sausage. well how about next we go eat somewhere fancy. well i dawnt really know how fancy this place is but it has     dem lights so its gotta be pretty fancy. no it seem ‘s nice. what are you getting to eat? well uh. im not sure ? this place doesnt seem to have any menu’s. oh yeah. thet is weird. maybe they just forgot to bring them. 

guys holy shit. dimple what are you doing here in new york, city. i been with you the whole timei was just invisible. 

waet. were you even with us.

in the move theaeter?

yes. youre fucking nasty. anyway theres noth a lot of time. we have to get ot of here right nNOw this is All a trap. there after your metal orb. SHAou.

my.

my metal orb? whos after it.

i dont know but i over HEARD that theyre going to drag your drinks and then TAKE your arb

well this shouldnt be a problem we can justfight them. aretheyespers? i dont think so ritsu i cant detect ahny around here. lets just kick some aass and get macdonalds or something. wow ritsu good thi,ng you had some explosives, on you. we didnt have to use the explosives you know.       we couldve just used ouer psychic pouwers to slam them in to the wall. yeah well i just wanted to see an explosion is aaal. yes i know how much you love explosions babe. by the way. whatd you even have tha torb for. 

well.

i dont know.

i just think its neat.

okay.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Don't know what to do with myself. via /r/selfimprovement

Don't know what to do with myself.

Hi. I'm 21 and still in community college, but I did get my provisional admission to this university I wanted to transfer to. I work as a runner at Din Tai Fung and I'm supposed to make bank, but I don't really know yet because I'm a new employee. Headtitle question at the bottom

I think I've lived an okay-ish life, kind of. story time, skip to the end if you dont wanna read it I come from a Korean family, can't say I remember much of my childhood except mostly being beaten and yelled at. There were good times too, but they usually ended prettily shittily. Moved around a bunch, went to a lot of schools. I've dealt with a lot of abusive stuff from both parents, but I'm not going to talk about my mom because things have gotten better and she's still here for me(?). For some extreme stuff- my dad broke my brothers toes in elementary school. In my senior year, he threatened me at knifepoint and forced it into my hands and told me to stab my brother or he would stab me. Beatings from him were pretty bad, and it's not just belts and sticks bad. I played co-ed baseball in 5th grade, so bam, there was that too. He liked to throw chairs and literally flip tables when he was angry (hes a private construction worker, so he's pretty strong). Broke a lot of his phones throwing them at us, the wall, the floor, whatever. Ive had a lot of problems with my social affairs in highschool- anxiety, being cold, being short tempered, aggressive, violent, sharp tongued. I started warming up in senior year because of this girl I dated, which was a pretty big deal because gays are not allowed in this household. And well, im bi but its the same thing to them. Can't say that went too well, because my brother found out and blackmailed me in the situation we were living in. But who cares, because siblings hate each other right? Anyways, broke up with her, broke her heart, treated her poorly and whatever two years later we made up and was able to be friends again. Back to dad- he was usually never around for things like elementary grad, middle school grad, and highschool- my mom made him come, but he sure didn't seem happy about it. In highschool, he only laid down on his phone playi ng his shitty phone games. Doesnt talk to me, doesnt talk to my brother, doesnt talk to my mom. His routine: wake up, go to work, come home, phone games, eat, phone games, sleep. If you try to talk to him, he ignores you. If you press it, he'll give you some boring answer like "go away already".

Anywho, that abusive fuck was caught cheating. Had an affair with a client's sister. Sold the house we lived in, mom moved to Newark, him to San Leandro. Mom didnt want to deal with me, so I got the boot and lived wjth acquaintances in Hayward. Couldnt afford it, so mom told me to move to San Leandro with him. I moved in with my best friend helping me and we saw the evidence. Bambam, hello lady clothing and shit. I went apeshit nuts and he tried to convince me, then threatened that I would be in big trouble if i said anything. (Parents were separated but not divorced). Alright, ill keep my big mouth shut.

I worked for his "girlfriend" at her cafe in Berkeley. Why? Well, it was easy money and i needed it to keep up with my shitty coping habits- partying and party favors, mostly e. You dont have to deal with stress if youre always out partying.

Anywho, fast forward, skip a lot of details. Mom gets a phone call one day from mutual acquaintance saying dad is sick and asks her to bring him some food. Alright. So she does because she still cares, and finds out the truth. Calls me and demands me to come right now and unlock the door- note that this is a 40 minute drive. By the time i get there, theres hella police and a window is broken and theres hella shit going on. Things settled down but being my immature ass i scream at my parents for both being immature, and they shouldve just cut things clean. I yell at my dad for being a fuckhead and cheating, you didnt raise a liar but you are one. I yell at my mom for being irresponsible and breaking things. Police grabs my shoulder but i swipe it off and bam. Im on the floor, face into concrete, chipped teeth and i cant even see where my dog is. Tbh i was more worried that he ran off because he was still a puppy and i was holding him during this whole ordeal. My glasses got knocked off my face when those two officers fucking bodyslammed me into the ground. I'm 5ft4, i weighed like 130 at this time but im just a legit smol asian girl.

What happened next? Well yknow, i got arrested and sent to jail for assaulting a police officer, nbd. Sat there for a few hours, listening to some psycho making weird noises. Finally get some call saying that my mom was waiting for me, and she bailed me out. She was crying a lot and told me that my dad didnt even bat an eye as they took me away, that he smiled and tried to fix his goddamn broken window. I believe it too, because I saw that shitty smirk on his face when i got to the scene. My mom has a bit of an uncontrollable temper so she looks psycho when the other person was the wack one. This was in January 2017.

Skip forward to the next police thing. June 2017. My mom demands that i pack all my shit and move back, and she wants to go with me. I plead no, but what am i gonna do against her? Alright, we drive and she starts saying stuff about lying and calls the bitch a slut and homewrecker and stuff, dad gets up to stand inbetween and stuff. Tells her to move than basically shoves her across the living room towards the door. **insert hysteria and bam again, screaming and each other, his hands on her, me trying to squeeze my body in between them and get his hands off of her. Doesnt really work cos he turns on me, hits me away and goes back to beat her. My screaming doesnt really help either, but i try what I can to claw his arms off of her. Nooooo, bad idea, but better me than her. He grabs me and my head is locked into his elbow so I bite down, arm. Baaaad idea again, but its in self defense imo. Im just trying to help my mom. He p much beats me up into a pulp her, grabs my shirt all the way up and yikes thats embarassing. The struggle goes on and eventually its calm again because slutface is like "honey staph"- note: only words and no actions to get close, buuuut, it works. Me and mom move to my room and start removing all my weebshit from the walls. Mom is muttering and saying a bunch of bs for him to hear and he storms into the room because hes fucking triggered and start the violence again. Oh but this is where i do the fun thing- i lunge myself at him so im like on top of him but holy shit, he legit pulls me off of him and throws me against the wall cabinets, and two hand chokes me, with his knees on my chest. Mom starts screaming at him, claws his face and soon the police are here and shit. Bitch called the police, and this is where it gets more fucked up. I legally live here, its on my license. I came back to move out, so its okay for me to be here, because i came to pack my stuff and take whats mine. So why exactly did the police not believe me? Why did my mom get arrested for putting dumb scratches on his face when he beat us, with pictures - that day- to prove that he inflicted more wounds on us. We were just defending ourselves. He put his hands on us first. Anyways, that starts my worries cos im like. Im 20, but idk what to do. How do i find money to bail my mom out? How do i even do that in the first place? But i managed.

Anywho skip forward, jackass is no longer in my life, tho i have to deal with him through my brother from time to time. Parents officially divorced Feb 2018. I've lived with my mom, she bought a cafeteria for a little bit so I worked there. Things were really hard because my mom had a lot of pent up anger that she would take out on me. My brother moved out because he went to university so he didnt really have to deal with much. Im also the older child, so bam. Anyways, we fought a lot. A LOT LOT. Like apeshit crazylot. I took a lot of beatings. It was like the weekend before Christmas of 2017 where a took a huge beating and ran away from my problems by going to my now-ex's house. He offered me to move in with him and his family, so I did. I had the choice of going back to my moms lifestyle and attempt to make up, or trying to live a different life. I lived with him from like Christmas to March 2018. We started having a lot of problems because he regret inviting me, he wasnt ready to give up his personal space and I was done babysitting someone who was older than me. Doing his laundry, doing his dishes, cleaning his room. I was done with being bored, never going out, being ignored while he did the same thing my dad did. Sit on his phone and not speak a word. Yeah, there were good times too, but they seem so fleeting when it seeps in with your own personal trauma of being ignored. Btw- when i moved to his place, my brother moved back home to fill the gap, but my brother is better with dealing with my mom and she doesnt blow up at him.

After I moved back, it was better. Yeah, shit went down sometimes but i guess overall it was better? My mom cried a lot. I would hear her talk on the phone with her family members in Korea and cry about how she was tired of everything and didn't want to do it anymore. I know exactly how that feels. Well, in the later months of 2018, we got along better and havent really had those blowups. I tried my best to stay home more instead of going out at night because she hated it. I tried to be nicer to her and more compromising. She's in Korea rn and things suck. During the whole parents thing, it sucks to feel like your parents are passing you to each other likea toy they dont want. It sucks to not really feel familial love growing up, where mom is just doing things because shes supposed to and dad just flat out pretends you dont exist. It sucks that it takes two years of partying, drugs and cons to find out

Submitted October 31, 2018 at 10:33AM by xfirelily via reddit https://ift.tt/2CRsVBn