#thats my feeling anyway. so literally reblog shit its not hard.

[when-wax-wings-melt]

i dont know what possibly can be said to get people to understand that liking isn’t enough without a reblog

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

[toytulini]

Most things an average social visit shoe would track in have nothing on the legendary puke of my late dog, my carpet has already been stained and tested in ways that dedicated shoeless coddling would never spare it from anyway, and i hate being shoeless, and my pets love to leave nasty surprises, like yea if youre Leaving Visible Muck behind maybe take em off but if its just like....idk. wipe ur feet on the mat in the garage and keep ur shoes on cos the dog is drooling in the kitchen and i dont want u having wet socks. god knows whats on the floor, not me.

do think its weird to conflate floor dirtiness with like...covid? if we learned anything from covid, its that you should be wearing a mask, and probably not be having large parties, especially indoors. I dont think shoes have a lot to do with covid specifically.

fascinated/horrified by this set of tweets…

[whumpshaped]

hey i’m really sorry if this is dumb but do you ever feel bad about enjoying whump? if so, how do you deal with it? i’m having a hard time with liking it. i love reading it but it occasionally makes me feel like a terrible person

its not dumb! i have some disorders that make it hard for me to feel bad abt stuff just for moral reasons alone, but i do get the terrible feeling sometimes when im afraid others will think im a terrible person lol if that makes any sense- so yeah i get the shame around it. i was lucky enough to be the quirky fun guy anyway so having slightly stranger interests wasnt a big deal for me.

this got very long bc i always have many thoughts on this

let me just start this by saying u totally dont have to feel bad for liking it. at all. everybody tends to like some form of whump, even if they dont call it that. the middle aged christian woman reading her 100th romance novel packed with fucking angst is an avid enjoyer of emotional whump in my book. and the guy who jokes about whump enjoyers being crazy and then turns around and watches marvel movies with blood and beat up heroes in it, well-

humans are just fascinated with pain. physical, emotional, all of it. it's just how we are, i think. we love to explore pain in fantasy, through characters separate from us, while we sit in our room comfortably (controlled danger! like rollercoasters). it can be cathartic. it can be how we find and understand ourselves. it can be comforting to know hey, this character went through something like that, that means the author must have some experience with it. there's at least one other human who gets me.

enjoying/reading/writing whump can be a perfect outlet, like hitting a punching bag repeatedly. it can be how someone digests their own trauma. it can just be a kink thing. it doesn't have to have deep moral things attached to it, sometimes seeing fictional characters hurt just tickles the brain and that's that. it doesn't matter, because it's all fictional, it doesn't hurt anyone. unless your preferred media is like, literal hate speech and propaganda against real life people, (in which case it DOES hurt ppl), there's literally nothing wrong with looking at a character being beaten and going "hey, thats cool".

also i will never not say this but even the fucken bible is straight whump and no one will ever change my mind. i tried to be a good christian and what did i find? whump.

also, there's like... a huge portion of people who read whump for the comfort of it. yes the character goes through shit, yes it's horrible, but guess what, they come out on the other side unquestionably changed but still worthy of recovery. they find peace, they heal, they find friends and family, they're comforted and listened to. that's something a lot of people read whump for. there's a reason it's called hurt/comfort. and there's also a very good post about how so many of us read it because the whumpees' trauma is always acknowledged. maybe not in the story, but we as readers understand that they went through some shit, and thus their trauma is always validated in some way. that can be a comfort as well, in a world where so many people's issues get brushed under the rug and ignored and overlooked and straight up invalidated.

but even if you're not into the comfort aspect (which i wasnt for a long time!!!!! i was strictly here for the hurt!!!!!!) you're not some sort of monster for it. i'd say quite the contrary. i'd say if you regularly engage with media like this, where the character's emotions are laid out so bare, and explored so deeply, you're more in tune with your own emotions too. i couldve punched holes in walls like some people i know (i have anger issues), but instead i grabbed my laptop and wrote about a character being beaten to a pulp. no damage to person or property. done. others read it and enjoyed it, and i even got serotonin from likes and reblogs, which lifted my mood, so that was a whole net positive.

seriously look at the most popular media too. it's whump. always has been. a good friend of mine whos a little weirded out by some of the gore i write is OBSESSED with game of thrones for example. and he recommended it to me because hey i love bloody stuff dont i? and i loved the torture scenes and he loved to hate and be enraged and a little grossed out by them. we enjoyed the series together. neither of us was terrible for it.

all this to say, you're not the odd one out. even if your interests count as more "taboo", like some of mine, unless you go out there and punch someone in the face, youre good in my books. and again, even punching someone in the face can be morally neutral or positive between consenting adults so. HUMANS JUST ENJOY EXPLORING PAIN. THATS MY HOT TAKE FOR TODAY.

thank u for coming to my ted talk

[lilyspond64]

Hi :D

May I have a team (:

ok i scrolled through your page and you seem pretty normal. and by pretty normal i mean you havent said a single thing that points me to anything. you have literally nothing showcasing ur personality i can pull from nor have i ever met you before. there's nothing wrong with that necessarily it just makes this a little harder.

ok. so. im gonna have to go by your name. sorcery and socialism. uh. pokemon is a game about magic and shit. and uh. socialism isnt really... a type.

ok so im making the executive decision to assign you a personality in my head based on your message, your reblogs, and your username.

ok you have been psychologically analyzed to be an electric type user. take it or leave it. the team may or may not fit you.

1. Magnezone

Through my psychic analysis I discovered a love of funky oddball thingamajigs. Magnezone is the funkiest guy imaginable. Also, technically it's extremely sticky. Idk what that has to do with anything but you can do with that what you will.

2. Zebstrika

This is a safe pick, cause if given the choice between having an electric zebra and not having an electric zebra most people would take the electric zebra every time. Of course, this is a foolish thing to do; most of the time keeping an electric zebra is impractical and unattainable. In this case it is neither, so I am assuming you enjoy having this electric zebra.

3. Raichu

Everyone likes Raichu. You give me the vibes of a pretty cool person. And like I said it's hard to discern anything about you. Raichu is the same, cool but a pretty not noteworthy Pokémon, just because its line is so popular that saying that you like it is like saying you like pizza or something.

I'm not saying you as a person are not interesting. You seem interesting. I'm just saying that I could not figure out these interesting things about you from your tumblr post.

I'm actually kinda scared I'm being super mean right now and let me just tell you that you could be the coolest person ever and I would not be able to tell because I have such little info to work with, yknow. You're not uninteresting as far as I can tell.

4. Pincurchin

Ok I may have lied. Through my psychoanalysis, I have figured out that you may enjoy the occasional goober. Of course, this may be a misinterpretation of your vibes, because believe it or not, I am a really shitty judge of character.

Anyway, here's a Pokémon that isn't playing it safe because I'm scared to offend a stranger. Here's the pin cushion sea urchin. Who's an electric type.

It's also the only nonlegendary electric surge user. So. It's good for your teambuilding!

5. Oricorio (Pom Pom)

Oricorio is based on Darwin's finches. I feel like evolution as a concept is very integral to both sorcery and socialism. Things must change over time, whether thats the air temperature around a fire ball or the model of politics and economics we are using.

Oricorio here also uses electric dance moves to zap its opponents. And you seem like a fan of that kind of thing. As far as I can tell.

6. Galvantula

You like giant electric spiders, right? You've gotta like giant electric spiders. I mean, come on.

Ok, that's it. This is the worst one so far. You're not boring or uninteresting I just could not discern anything about you from your profile alone (the other people I did I know from elsewhere and also make a lot of posts themselves)

You seem like a very nice person though, so I do think this team is fitting of a cool, friendly person. Don't be disheartened that your explanations weren't as detailed or your team as hand crafted. I'm not a mind reader as much as I'd like to pretend I am.

I hope you like it and if you don't, remember, no takebacksies!

[red-might-be-dead]

hi, stories anon

Uhhh tbh I didn't think I'd get this far? Just whatever silly story you feel like talking about at the moment I guess? Perhaps an au?

(It's 1220a, I should be asleep, but curiosity killed the cat...it's me I'm the cat. And oh boy am I curious- /lh)

oooo okay okay

sorry for not responding sooner i literally fell asleep with my phone stuck to my face (silly me)

rn im working on writing a silly little fnc prince au (its got three chapters up rn and im working on the fourth) so i can talk about the first three chapters!!! huzzah!!

SPOILERS INCASE YOU WANNA GO READ IT ITS CALLED: You'll Forget (It's Not Your Fault) ON AO3!!!!

in the first chapter chip doesnt have any friends other than his sister, lizzie, and then at a conference he meets gill and jay, jay is extremely outspoken and confident (at this age jay has a crush on lizzie - its one of those unreachable one-sided crushes that you would have on someone and it would never go anywhere and then eventually go away) whereas gill is a lot quieter (this is beacause he also has very few friends). after the conference they stay in touch and meet up about once or twice a month, its hard to hang out more since their royals ykyk. OH ALSO right when chip sees gill for the first time i decided to describe it as like a HUGE crush, but since hes so small and hasnt had friends before he doesnt know how to identify it :D

OKAY CHAPTER TWO this one is based mainly around gill and chip aswell as chip and lizzie. listen, i fucking LOVE writing siblings, it is the most fun shit to ever exist (bc im a sibling thats definetly why lmao) aswell as angst ofc (worry about that in chapter five WHATTT WHO SAID THAT). so i have chip and lizzie tease eachother about various embarrassing things (pissing pants, poking frogs, sneaking out to see your gf ect ect) and i also vaaaguley introduce ensa (for jay for a later time) and i just think its so silly.

quick detour for background information: lizzie KNOWS that chip has a crush on gill like she know knows but she'll never bring it up unless he does, she doesnt want to make him embarassed (not through that anyway) whereas on the other had chip LOVES embarrassing lizzie like that

and erm yeah thanks for coming to my ted talk, ill reblog this later w/ the rest of chap2 and chap3's info but like, its 12am and i should be going to bed i have shit to do sobs

[flor-n-cheese]

bookie no :( omg i HATE typing this way especially while knowing why you left. in all seriousness, im really sorry that you went through that and are now leaving. you sounded like you really cherished this platform and everyone you met on here dearly. as safe as it is to leave, i really really hope you return just for the sake of your mental health, but it is what it is. im a shit comforter and you DEF know that but ill try here, in a reblog you prob wont see. you really dont deserve to go through anything youre going through, to be treated how youre being treated, to feel the gut-wrenching feelings youre being forced to feel. youre going through so much and i understand that its horrendous and feel deep and never-ending, but please, PLEASE remind yourself always that youll get through it. either you live to make it out or you die in the middle of it, but either way, this wont last forever. it feels like it lasts forever, these traumatic moments make you feel like youve been stuck there forever and will be stuck there forever, but they pass. they help you grow into your best self in the long run, or they kill you, giving you that peaceful release from humanity into whatever you believe is next. if you end up dying, then so be it, but please hold on. you genuinely have so much to live for that isnt being fully used or appreciated now due to your circumstances. if you live long enough to reach your main goal, which is to get away, then youll have a beautifully long life ahead of you. yes, you have limitations, but you know what you want. you know exactly what you want. and i know you will get exactly where you want to land. if you dont? at least youll be better than where you started. at least youll have a powerful story to tell, one thats stereotypical in the sense that its about rising above the struggles, but one thats unique and resonates with many because its yours. you matter so much and i hope you know that (even though theres a chance that you wont read this LMAO). i find it hard to tell you, or anyone i care about really, but remember that i do. i do and your mooties do and your followers do and anyone else that cares about you does. so many people care about you, so if you do end up leaving permanently, even if youre not actually here, remember that youve impacted so many lives and that youll continue to impact lives. stay safe, my gay. i love you <3 (/p) i put too much effort into this im SORRY i literally have been such a bad friend that everything i shouldve said to ur face i wrote here. on a public platform that might not even reach you because youre QUITTING. what the flip dude :/ anyways youre amazing. this was an extremely deep and depressing down but youll get back up soon. i know it. persevere. goodbye, and have a nice life (that ill be in since i see you tomorrow but still).

announcement

hey y'all, I just have an announcement to share with you.

For personal reasons, I'm going to leave Tumblr.

now, I just want to say: this is not the fault of anyone here. all of my mutuals and followers have given me so much out of life these past 4 months (4 months? That's a third of a year, wow), and I love you all dearly.

It's because of my personal life. Without getting into too much detail, today I experienced a pretty (both emotionally and physically) traumatic day, and I know that even if I stayed on Tumblr, things would never be the same. So I'm leaving.

In all honesty, I knew this day would come, that one day I would have to leave all you beautiful people. I'll never forget you, moots and followers. I'll cherish every memory we had.

Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe tomorrow I'll post an announcement that I'm back, delete this post, and things will stay the same. It's unlikely though. As much as I wish I could stay with you all forever, sometimes things change.

I'm not going to be completely gone, though. I'll be active on Discord (@pangothepangolin I'm still staying for your DnD campaign) and I'll be posting more regularly on ao3. You can find both of those in my pinned post.

I don't want to do this, but I have to. I'm sorry. I hope to see you all soon.

Best wishes,

Andi.

[aethulean]

add tags to your reblogs of my art RIGHT the fuck now

[bunkernine]

your chb extended tag is canon, toa who?

you are actually my favorite anon, i didn't want to answer this because i didn't want to share this but thank you very much

[wnjhs]

:3c

[xnchxntmxnt]

LKJFHSKJ ok ok i hope i’m not past the deadline with this!! and happy birthday to both you and koi!

for the event, i would like to pull a 4 star! could i request headcannons for simeon and satan (if you don’t write for simeon then just satan is fine ^-^) where the reader has had a long day/week and is stressed about it? cuddles and reassurance from them would be nice! again happy birthday and i hope this fit all your rules

(if not feel free to tell me and i can resend)

thank you for all the bday wishes my dear /p - vic

Fandom: Obey Me! Shall We Date?

Characters: Satan, Simeon

Warnings: swearing, no extra warnings on satan’s; simeon: mc is not a math person, food ment.

Notes: tbh ive never written for either of these two so there’s a first time for everything!! Plus how can you NOT love satan like cmon. Simeon too i just love my little nerd

gn!reader

Reblogs > likes

Satan

Its not that he wouldn’t notice

I think he would

But hes more likely to wait for you to come to him

Thats what asmo told him to do anyway he doesnt want to overstep his boundaries and doesnt wanna make you uncomfortable or push your buttons

Plus his brother knows people, and youre a person right

Thats literally how he says it to himself in his head

So in the event that you do show up to his room in need of some comfort he is right there

He actually turned down an invite to go to a bookstore with levi earlier that day just in case you came looking for him. He wants to be there for you whenever you need him

So when you walk in the room and fall onto his bed, he puts his book down and gently rolls you over so he can see your face

“Hi, sweetheart” 

You, rolling back over onto the bed and sighing

He laughs a little and lays down next to you, reaching out for your hand. Again, doesnt wanna push it, but he wants you to know he’s there

“Would a hug help?”

You slowly work yourself around so youre laying almost on him, arms wrapped around tight and face buried in his chest

Asks if you wanna talk

If so he lets your rant to your heart’s content, offering advice if you need it, or simply getting mad with you. Not overly so but little comments like “oh yeah, that was a dick move” and things of that nature

If not, he probably grabs his book and reads. But this time he reads to you. Nothing better than fiction for a good distraction

Not the best person to go to when upset but not bad either 7.5/10

Simeon 

Its so irritating that he just kinda knows shit

You could be hiding it so well that youre having a rough week and he just knows

But it took him till the end of the week because he was hoping it would blow over

Because it didn’t and you didn’t come to him about the issue, he decided to (gently) step in

You show up to your room after a long, grueling study session with mammon, trying to wrap your head around pre calc before your test next week when you noticed your door was slightly open and the lights were on

Inside was a perfect scene: simeon adjusting and fluffing the throw pillows on your bed (some were his), a plate of snacks on your bed-side table and chill, comforting music playing softly from his phone

You could have melted when he smiled at you man

He greets you at the door and takes your things and sets them down without a second thought

Guides you to come sit with him 

He's so wonderful with words sometimes but other times (like rn) they escape him and his way of showing you how much he loves you is physical affection

He sits you on your bed and it doesn't take long before you're curled up in his lap, nose buried in his shoulder

“What's all this about?”

“You've been working too hard this week. I wanted to take care of you” 

If you're gonna cry anything out, do it now. Nerves, stress, anxiety, its so perfect

He runs his hand up and down your back if you cry or if you just cuddle closer

Eventually, he’ll ask you what's wrong but he’ll never push you to talk about it. Simply reminds you that he’s there whenever you need an ear to listen 

The two of you spend the night munching on snacks, cuddling and talking because youre too tired to do anything else

He does everything he can to make sure you know how much he loves you. secret: its a lot

9/10 good solid care

taglist

@emswordss @kodzukoi @iwaso @kage7ama

[donutdisturblivball]

im so sorry for doing this so late lol!!! ty @midnightmoon27 for tagging me :DD

nicknames: donut (online)

real name: i don't feel very comfy sharing outright, but i mean literally look at my user man

zodiac sign: aquarius

fave musicians: conan gray, queen, mxmtoon, cavetown, david bowie, the smiths, the cure

fave sports team: dont got one

sports watched: ice skating!!! gymnastics!!!! i think skiing is cool as shit too

other blogs: i can barely handle one yall r asking too much from me

do I get asks: occasionally? i've gotten a bit mroe as of late but nto really

following: SO many byler blogs i cant even begin to NAME--

tumblr crushes: thats like-- people that when they like or reblog my shit im like "!!!! omg they noticed me" right?? bc in that case hard yes

lucky number: i dont think i have a specific one? i've never really thought about it

what I'm wearing: pjs B]

dream vacation: france and canada await.

dream car: i should probably stop relying on public transportation and actually get a license before i even begin thinking of dream cars

fave foods: RICE!!!!! rice and pasta and potatoes. feed me any of these things and i will literally propose within the hour (after i finish eating obviously)

fave drink: water lol

instruments: i've been playing violin since i was around 6 or 7! at this point ive devoted so much time to it that i literally cannot quit even if i wanted to. i really wanna learn how to play piano and guitar tho

languages: just english! im shit at learning other languages RIP

celebrity crush: i have this weird thing where i cannot for the love of god consider people that i dont have a crush on attractive. like i can agree if you ask me if certain celebrities r conventionally and objectively attractive, but i just cant bring myself to actively think that theyre hot in my own opinion. idk its like theres this weird roadblock that just stops my mind from thinking different people that i dont know personally irl are attractive. like i play genshin impact and i have such a problem with making "mommy" jokes myself but idgaf when my friends do it. idk its weird lol

wow that was such an unnecessary rant about the inner workigns of my brain. anyway TYSM FOR TAGGING ME AGAIN!! THIS WAS VERY FUN :))

non pressure tags!! @celestialstars7 @swashbuckling-chicken @l0v3c0r3e @slytherin-crow101 @tntozier @cosmicbrowniefan @quinnick ++ anyone else who'd like to hop on the bandwagon :D

[system-of-a-feather]

Direction of the Blog Update

Honestly, I think I've decided for sure the general era / direction I am planning on taking this blog (both I as a whole and I as the "owner / leader" of this blog since this was my hobby first and the system respects that), but I think from now on, while trauma talk, dissociation talk, self care, system dynamics, and what not will definitely still be posted / reblogged, we are largely going to just shift towards honestly just living and vibing and sharing shit we think are interesting on here while just being our overtly DID selves.

In a way, a more general blog and thought place - just one where we literally do not hide that we have DID or mask much at all. Cause at this point with DID, we very very much don't hide or have major "life" conflicts with our DID that we don't have the tool kit to navigate around and honestly, we are so overt irl with most people we are around as it has helped us heal greatly that honestly trying to pretend to not have this disorder in any manner is just not truthful.

So honestly, at this point there will probably be more DID-irrelevant posts and rambles that whatever part is here might be interested in sharing or chatting about.

I think the thing I have been having a hard time putting my words together is to kinda say, I think our system is divorcing the need, feeling, and idea of our mental health being the most dominating and most relevant / interesting thing in our life, because at this point in our healing, its just really a background to it all. It really doesn't control us nearly as much as it used to and like, it still sucks but not to a point that we frequently get dysregulated.

And so I kind of think the natural culmination that reflects our place in healing in regards to DID is honestly to like... let the fixation and excessive mental space and energy on that go, and considering this blog is to track recovery and healing, its suitable that as we do that IRL that this blog also just kinda looses that same controlled theme and dedication.

I mentioned it before on the blog, but the catch 22 Ive found with recovery and blogging about your mental illness is that as you get healthier, you have less to post and so a lot of people who recover, stop posting in mental health spaces and a lot of that gets lost, and honestly - I think this is a good middle ground. Still in mental health spaces, but honestly not needing and having everything be about said condition, cause honestly - its not the defining trait about me or even us at this point and thats really nice to think about honestly.

Anyways, just a general update for those that follow this blog. If you want purely DID / mental health / trauma stuff, feel free to unfollow or anything, cause thats all good and we don't take it personally (we never really did). For those that are here to stay, welcome to the new chapter for the Feathers on Tumblr.

[budugaapologist]

my honest opinions of the ac games (theres only 4 good ones)

AC1: you cant pay me money to play this i do not care dude nothing in this interests me because of the mechanics in it. the only things i like from this game are maria and malik and calling altaïr altaïqueer other than that i dont give a shit.

AC2: not good. hype not deserved. combat system sucks as well as the parkour and thats like the selling point of the games.

Brotherhood: same as above; not good/hype not deserved. stalking isnt sexy btw.

Revelations: the only ezihoe game i "liked" but even then i just really hate ezio, id rather play as sofia.

Chronicles: i dont have a desire to play them though i do consider the china one. only problem is guess what fucking bitch is in it.

AC3: as an american the main story is the most boring thing ever. running around in the homestead and frontier is the only part that is good. the naval combat is dog shit.

Liberation: i cannot tell you what happens in the story. i have played this maybe four times. i dont remember anything but the beginning and end. it was fun to explore but the audio in the game is just bad. i think this would be cool as like a pixel game.

AC4 Black Flag: i still have dreams about this game. the story is very good and all of the side characters aside from burgess and cockram have their own rememberable characteristics. graphically its beautiful ecen on ps3 and with some really unconventionally attractive characters. the side content isnt overwhelming and the hacking is a nice change of pace from battling ships and taking forts. its genuinely super well balanced and edward is a relatable character. i would prefer more equality with the clothing on the male/female assassins since. well. either make them both whores or both prudes. but other than that its a great game, the naval combat isnt hard it just takes a few battles to practice. also you can play this game without any other prior ac experience, i know this because i did and i loved it on the first play through. ever since then every other ac game is disappointing aside from Syndicate and Origins.

Freedom Cry: if you so much as try to argue that this isnt worth playing i'll kill you. if you play r*gue and dont consider playing this i genuinely believe you are racist. playing AC4 i think that FC is mandatory after it. this is the only expansion i condone spending money on. im not spoiling anything. play the fucking game.

R*gue: its racist. i said what i said.

Unity: you know when pretty people have no personality? okay but now make that a game. i will reblog gifsets of this game but no. i will not play it again. also?? theyre not even french theyre british you tellin me a canadian company couldnt get french VAs?

Syndicate: literally so easy so stupid i love it. i feel so good at video games when i play it. i recommend it to people a lot because its "inclusive" (i feel more indian people wouldve been nice. also a lot of the women are just evie 2) and its easy to relate to either jacob or evie. the story isnt that great but its fun to follow along with anyway and the side content isnt super overwhelming. i love how gross they made london look its a great touch.

Origins: i also recommend this one. basically i only recommend AC4, FC, Syndicate, and Origins. i find the drama of this one real good, its a revenge story that is compelling especially if you have a kid or have dealt with child loss. the second game to ever make me shocked after a death (first was ac4 with thatch). i also love the fights with the gods and i really love the african biome and i think its super overlooked in media, i think more rpg games set in african-esque areas would be cool. honestly the only thing that keeps me from playing this game over is i always get busy halfway through a playthrough. also that one elephant mission terrified me. i think about kensa and khaliset and taharqa and shadya a lot.

Odyssey: when it comes down to it this game is boring. idk what you want me to say its really boring. lgbt cash grab. way overhyped, its not that interesting and theres just too much in the game. it suffers from prioritizing quantity over quality. sure theres some great lines in the game and a few okay characters but a lot of if not all the characters are one dimensional and bland, as well as the movements and facial expressions. i think the ac franchise shouldve been wrapped up in origins, this wouldve worked better alone.

Valhalla: ugh where to begin... i couldnt even get halfway through this game. this is just Skyrim without the dragons and todd howard. and what is Skyrim without todd? boring and uneventful, apparently. why on earth are we able to change history so much in a game franchise that was originally about reliving history? just make the main character a woman if theyre supposed to be one, like in odyssey, the "having an option to be a man" is so fucking stupid. if being a female character makes AAA games unsellable riddle me Horizon Zero Dawn and Tomb Raider. this should have been a spin off game or a stand alone project.

anyway, those are my thoughts. no, i will not being playing any new ac games. at this point the only ac games i dont have blocked in my tag sections are black flag, liberation, origins, and syndicate (and unity but thats because i do enjoy looking at it. pretty but no personality, like i said).

if youve never played an AC game before, the only ones you should play if youre interested are black flag, freedom cry, syndicate, and origins, in that order or with syndicate first, though seeing as freedom cry and origins are very heavy games having a stupid one in the middle can help balance the anger and tears.

for those that have played ac games, obviously this is my opinion and you may have other opinions, but i dont honestly care, no arguing that 'actually blah blah is a good game' on this post im not gonna listen, make your own post ♡. im pretty fed up with most of the stuff that comes out of the franchise anyway.

at the end of the day, play what you want and dont ;) pirate the four ac games i recommend if you are interested in them that would be sooo bad haha ;).

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

[kraviolis]

i need to make a post abt this bcus 1) i dont want anyone to think im just ignoring kayvan and mark’s antiblackness & racism and 2) writing out my thoughts/feelings helps me to detangle them when theyre in a mess like this.

also please dont reblog this, it’s literally just my personal internal thoughts & feelings. this isnt an activism essay, im not arguing my opinions or trying to tell other people how to feel/act.

ive been trying very hard to process my thoughts/feelings & to carefully seperate actor from character in my head and like. i think im accidentally strangling my hyperfixation to death bcus im accidentally using my main coping skill which is “oh, im having emotions? well not anymore” and i dont know HOW to not do that!!!! that shit has killed my hyperfixations so quickly before and i dont want this one to die but i also dont want to just ignore the problem.

one might be able to tell but i’ve been focusing more on nadja & laszlo & guillermo than nandor & colin robinson and it was at first an entirely subconscious thing up until i thought “oh i should draw nandor from reference so i can get a better idea of his features” and then immediately dismissed it bcus then i’d have to look at kayvan’s face.

i didnt reblog the initial post about it because as important as it is to have visual evidence of kayvan’s antiblackness, if i as a white person could barely stomach seeing those pictures then i cant imagine how a black person would feel seeing them just randomly on their social media feed.

i cant even look at kayvan without seeing the picture of him in blackface. its fully affecting my ability to enjoy watching the show and i wish it wasnt but its just... so hard for me to cope in any other way than full disassociation and avoidance of the source of bad emotions. this is literally my trauma responses working against me again and i dont know how to make them stop.

it doesnt help that im dissociating half the time anyways. just makes it easier for me to turn off my emotions, but turning off my emotions is counter-productive!!!! i need to care about these things and feel anger/disgust/compassion/sympathy when i see racism or else im just going to end up even more complacent than i inherently am or worse. because its always so very easy for white people to let themselves be swept into participating in racism/antiblackness so we can reap the benefits.

i just need to find some way alternate way to cope that isnt anger (bcus i’ll burn out so fast) or full dissociation/avoidance. its killing me like actually bcus im deep in the avoidance mindset so if im feeling a negative emotion where the source of it is ME....... one can probably imagine my instinctual reactions to randomly remembering something embarrassing i did years ago. its not fun!!!

but i haven’t had a therapist in almost 2 years bcus i’m always fucking trapped in a cycle thats like “has problems, need to make appointment > must call on phone > gets intense anxiety about calling on phone > starts to avoid & ignore the source of anxiety including entire subject of why i must call on phone > forget about/normalize my problems > problems continue to get worse > need to make appointment > repeat.”

so like. if anyone has any links to articles or advice from their own therapists/psychiatrists to share with me about this kinda thing, i’d be forever grateful.

but even then it doesnt help with my current situation vis a vis kayvan and mark’s antiblackness. ive been able to consume/interact with stories & media made by racists before in a way that doesnt support them and doesnt ignore their racism but also is enjoyable. for example, i was hyperfixated on HP for months and half of the fun of that was being able to rip apart the really bad writing to expose the baked-in bigotry and then challenge myself to come up with better ideas.

but its very different with wwdits because while theres most definitely some bigotry which is bound to happen when you have a lot of different writers & also a shit ton of improv from the actors (not talking about the satire bcus its pretty obvious when theyre being satirical vs not), its not... to the same level. like fucking at all.

the show is great. it’s genuinely, actually progressive and funny and well-made and its so obvious every single person involved in it creatively has a great deal of passion for the show. there’s so much effort put into it to make sure any representations of minorities or oppressed groups are accurate and positive and not made into unoriginal & boring punch-down jokes while also still remaining a funny ass fucking show.

i guess my main issue is that the way this show is made makes it extremely difficult to separate character from actor. not just because they have the same faces/voices, but also just that they formed the characters around the actors themselves and the actors are encouraged to add onto their characters through improv and such. it wouldnt be the same show without those specific actors.

ive been talking to my mom about it and they suggested that i should watch other things kayvan has acted in just to help my brain separate nandor from him and tbh. that seems like a really good idea. maybe i could watch cruella finally, ive heard its not all that bad of a movie... hmmm....

thankfully mark has like no social media presence so its not all that hard to separate him from colin robinson. theyre two different people to me entirely.

i just hope when the fan pressure for accountability finally gets to kayvan that he doesnt double down again. like i really hope he’s privately realized how much harm he does and that he eventually publicly holds himself accountable.

sigh. yeah making this post was a good idea, i feel way better now that i have my thoughts written down instead of all jumbled together in my head.