#thats more of a milestone for this blog but Im sure if I still had my old one id have hit it long ago

[ashmcgivern]

By The Dawn I've been on this site for too long

[that-girl-lyra]

30.07.2023

Not sure if "nostalgic" would be the correct word for what I'm feeling this morning, but thats the only word I can come up with.

When I first moved to Ireland, I had nothing but a backpack full of whatever I could stuff in it. Some clothes, my laptop, a kindle, and a pair of headphones. I searched endlessly for work cleaning houses, walking dogs, anything I could do to keep myself head above water in a new country, all while trying to make my music with whatever free time I could spare.

I remember how excited I was to buy a bike to help save my legs from walking 20,000+ steps a day, and then how proud I felt when I saved enough money to buy an electric scooter. These tiny milestones I fondly look back on, and today is no exception.

That was just a little over a year ago. Now, I am steady. Still self employed, but my income is good, and I have more time to dedicate to my music. Somehow throughout everything, Ive managed and still manage to keep myself not only afloat, but put food in my fridge, pay my bills, and have a bit extra left over to stick into savings, as well as pay for a few fun things here and there.

I suppose the words my mind is searching for would be "greatful", "proud", "accomplished", and "content".

Life so far has been a weird, wacky, stressful, painful, disturbing and downright heartbreaking journey these past 26 to 27 years of my life. And honestly, despite the pain and awful things I've been through, Im not too sure if I'd change any of it, if its what it took to get me where I am now.

If anyone is reading this wee blog of mine, just know that no matter where you find yourself in life, there is always a way.

Nothing is impossible. Just difficult.

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Update: they replied and no idea where I’m at now lmao

Sent reply now to panik for the rest of the day 🙃

[seonfhwa]

hello friends! tis your favorite (or not) mingi stan, here with her first follow forever! 

recently, i hit the big milestone of 1,000 followers, something i never thought would happen! really, i want to thank all of you for following me, for supporting my content, for being a part of this mess of a blog. 

to those who came on over after i remade, and to those who only started following me yesterday, i love you all from the bottom of my heart.

click for some more fun things for my moots! (it gets long, i’m so sorry)!

i was thinking of doing something special, but i don’t know to what extent i could really do for all of you guys ;; if there’s anything you want (a lil blurb, a moodboard, a smol gifset) just let me know! this part’s only for mutuals, though, so keep that in mind. i don’t know how quick i can get all of the stuff done, but i would definitely do anything for you guys!!

for my mutuals, i’ve written each of you a little message. some may be shorter than others, but know that my love is overflowing and unending even if i may not be good with words!! also this isn’t really in any specific order!

@smol-joong 🌟 miss anett... i have a whole lot to say (if i say all of it we’ll be here forever), but honestly the main thing is... you’re my number one. you’re the sweetest, the most lovely, the most heartwarming. you’re someone i can count on no matter what, whether i need a pick me up or just attention. i love you, i truly truly do, and you always know how to make me happy. thank you for being my friend, for letting me love you, and for always being there for me!

@cherryjoong 🌟 maggie!! you’re honestly the sweetest bean, the most relatable human i’ve ever met. you were one of my first mutuals who really ever spoke to me, and i will forever hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re another person who’s always there for me, who really deserves the whole wide world. thank you for having such a big, caring heart.

@honeyboysan 🌟 jules, darling jules. frankly, you’re one of my first friends on this hellsite. you know how my first thing to you was me going “i poked around on your blog for a while before finally following you”? im just a big babey and you’re one of the most lovely people in the world. i’m really glad we’re friends, that i was able to meet someone like you. you make my heart happy, and you deserve all of the happiness in the world. it’s really, really good to see you happy.

@heoneyology 🌟 miss rainah!!! everyone always says you’re the mom type, and i’d have to agree. you’re sweet, you’re loving, you’re charming, and you’re one of the funniest people i know. your love for your biases (especially jooheon, zico, hongjoong, and ravn) makes my heart swell, and whenever i see you on my dash, i just get so happy. not to mention, when you’re happy, i’m happy! thank you for always being there to pick me up when i need it, and for being a ray of sunshine in my dull life.

@multidino 🌟 kimora!!! my multifandom queen!!! honestly, first of all i want to thank you for supporting me in all of my adventures and being one of the first people to help me kickstart my vav blog. second of all-- thank you, for being you. for being a great friend, for being a kind soul, for being one of the best people on this website. you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters!!! i love you so so so so much!!!

@ateezartblog 🌟 hello my sweet pumpkin. how are you today? have you eaten? did you sleep well? are you taking care of yourself? i hope you know how much i care about you!! i know you’re usually the one to come and check up on all of us, but sometimes you need it just as much as we do. please, angel love, remember to take care of yourself, even when you feel like you shouldn’t. you are just as deserving as everyone else, and one day, i hope you can see that. until then, i’ll make sure to remind you all of the time!! i love you lots!!

@wooyuong 🌟 precious angel baby inna!! hello my sweetest beanie baby. frankly, i don’t know how someone like you wanted to be friends with someone like me, but every time we talk i’m like !! that’s her im super blessed bc !! we friends!! you’re super talented, you’re super cute, and pls pls pls always remember that!!! you deserve all good things in the world and i’m so super glad that we talk ;;;

@wangtaeil 🌟 iconic miss bee!! life’s too short to only have one bias, and your words haunt help me to this day!!! i’m really glad i met you, because you’ve kinda sorta been a really big source of inspiration and help for me, especially recently. from feeling shitty about gifs, not wanting to be around, to even needing help with some stuff, i know i can always trust you and confide in you. you’re a talented woman, and you really have so much going for you. and you want to be friends with a lil nugget like me??? i am undeserving but thankful.

@choisansbitch 🌟 upaamaaa!!! now every time i eat a tuna sandwich, i think of you (i eat tuna a lot, so take that... i’m ALWAYS thinking about you). i know when we first started talking, i was nervous because i ??? really didnt feel like i even deserved to talk to you, cause you’re like... super amazing. but i’m so glad we’re friends!! you make some of the best gifs, and even if you don’t think so, i love them so so much!! and you’re honestly one of the sweetest, most relatable people in the world. please never lose your charm, i love you so much.

@missminji 🌟 hARLSS!!!! im still shocked that your super secret detective skills figured me out, but hey!! in the end they helped because now i actually talk to my “redacted” (we all know who redacted is) and i love her sm ;;; we havent been talking too much recently (i think life’s been kicking us rip) but no matter what, i love you, and i love getting to talk to you whenever i can. thank you for being my friend, i don’t deserve someone as lovely as you.

@utopiagf 🌟 you crazy, but ily. that’s it that’s the post-- ehrbgjehb im kidding, there’s so much more. you’re literally one of the most fun, bright, cheery person, and i love seeing you around. i know you just remade (and i was confused bc i was like?? nik??? where she go??) but literally i love love love seeing & talking to you, even if these days i’m still... super intimidated by you. but you’re such a sweetheart, and thank you for blessing me with your presence in my life. uwu

@visualsan 🌟 honestly i need to talk to you more ehjbrhjge every time i talk to anett and we mention you (all good things, of course uwu) i’m like?? why do i not talk to bea more?? literally you seem like such the coolest person, and i love love love seeing you, your gifs, everything uwu so yeah!! pls let’s talk more ilysm!

@prettyseonghwa 🌟 yas, i think you have one of the biggest hearts around here. you are so caring, so loving, and you really need to know that. i love you, really, so so much. thank you for always being there for us, for always giving the best advice and love that we all need. just know!! that you deserve a break too. you deserve all of the love you give-- and more. 

@dreamboyunho 🌟 cami, miss cami, my numba 1!!! you’ve always been someone i adore and cherish with all of my heart, but even recently we connected in a different, probably more personal way. it may not have been the best of circumstances but i’m really glad we did! i treasure you so much, and i’m glad i found someone i can truly confide in. we’re like!! two peas of a pod!! i’m really super duper glad i met you and that i can call you my friend.

@jonghostation 🌟 miss adelle uwu you’re so sweet and precious and we need more jongho stans like you (and more jongho stans in general) in this world!! i love talking to you, though recently i’ve been dead and not really socializing but i really do enjoy seeing you around and getting to talk to you!! you’re such a sweet soul and i love you. recently i saw you said you lowkey wish i was your mom?? c’mere baby you’re my child now uwu thank you for being the sweetest angel. aND I COULD NEVER FORGET YOUR ICONIC URL!!! ATINY LESSGEDDIT!!! DROP THE BEAT YOOOOO!!

@celestial-yunho 🌟 nini, you are literally... so talented. i dont know how i managed to score such a talented, loving, and sweet friend. your art!! is so good and im always really excited to see more of what you do. you’re my lil moon witch, and i love you so so much. thank you for giving me the time of day to get to know you, to be able to say that’s her!! thats nini!! thats my friend uwu you’re so precious and i hope you know that!!

@nctyping 🌟 im gonna be honest idek why i first followed you-- not in a like “ugh why did a follow her,,” i literally just cannot remember why i did. either way, it was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. you’re one of the sweetest people in the whole world and i love reading what you write. like?? teach me your ways ;;; ily abbey!!

@toothgaptual 🌟 sun sun sunshine sunnie!!! okay, we don’t talk a ton, but i love love love when we do get to interact. you always manage to put a smile on my face, and i looove seeing you on my dash. please never ever think you’re bothersome or annoying, and talk your heart out! ilysm you cutie patootie!

@wonderhwalls 🌟 sweetest little flower, i know we’re more recently mutuals/friends, but i’m really glad i met you. talking to you always makes me feel better, whether its about what we’re doing, gifs, breaks, etc. you’re a voice of reason amidst the mess of this world, and i love being able to talk to you when i need a good pick me up. ily mika!!!

@atiteez 🌟 sonia, i literally think you were the first atiny mutual i ever had. i will always, aLWAYS hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re such a precious soul, and you’re lovely inside and out. i still dunno why you call me a moodboard queen-- i’m not thaaat good at that kinda stuff-- but i love you so much nonetheless. thank you for being my friend and helping me step into atinyblr (even though now we’re dying off).

@wlwrensung 🌟 miSS YUKKIIIII i hope you’re having fun on your trip!!! you’re one of my favorite people in the whole world, and i love love love talking to you. i mean?? someone like you??? wants to be friends with someone like me?? idk what you’re on that you wanna, but pls you’re the best ;;;; thank you for looking on someone like me and deciding “that’s it that’s her i wanna be friends with her” i dont deserve you but im all heart eyes bc i get to be friends with you!!

@shikyus 🌟 im an idiot with a brain the size of a pea and the memory of a goldfish. i love you-- i really do!! you’re one of the only people i clicked with immediately, and that’s kinda rare for me. you’re a sweetheart, you’re one of the most lovely people i’ve met, but you’re so chill and cool!! how do you do it?? honestly i’m really glad i met you, because like??? how often can someone say that they met someone and immediately clicked with them? i mean ok it happens often but !!! im still shocked!!! thank you for being my friend, for being super sweet, and kind, and caring-- a-and hopefully forgiving ;;;; im sorry im a dummy ;;;;;; im a big lovable dummy tho!!!!

and last but not least, miss kiki. i know she’s isnt on tumblr for now, but if she ever sees this... i have so much to say. thank you for being one of my best friends, for being one of the sweetest people in the world. i love you, i love everything about you, and i miss you. thank you for being my friend uwu

some other super awesome mutuals that i don’t have a ton to say about (either because we’re new mutuals or i havent talked to you too much yet) that i love with all my heart nonetheless: @meinyunho @fan-chngchng @ultvisual @seonghwalove @han-seungwoo @kthscenery @yooyonqha @woovoung @sanbotaged -- come talk to me more often!! i love to be bothered uwu

super special shoutout to my 3 starlight buddies who came over here and followed me despite originally knowing nothing about ateez and still supporting, loving, and talking to me: @hakjeon @babieken and @hansanghyuked. my longest standing mutuals, and even annie’s more than just a tumblr mutual-- she’s one of my closest friends. i love you guys ;;

now, i can’t leave a special message for every single one of my followers. hell, tumblr won’t even let me tag every single one of you (stupid tag limit), but know that i still love all of you. if i could (aka if i had time and energy), i’d go down the line and personally message each and every once of you to tell you all the important things.

you are all wonderful, you are all lovely, and i’m truly blessed to have all of you following me. remember to smile, to keep your chin up, because when the world gets going tough, i’m always there to support you! i love you all lots lots lots, whether we do or don’t talk. stay sweet, angels!

[twopedalpushers]

Travel Update #7

The End of the Road - A Reflection

About 18 months ago I pinned a world map to my bedroom wall in North Wales. I had wanted to travel for a while, I didn’t take a gap year between my studies and went tirelessly from school to college to university to a few years of full time employment without a break. Long story short, I was bored, craved adventure and happened to be middle class and privileged enough to be able to quit my job, sell my possessions and go on a big walkabout.

18 months ago I had little idea as to where I wanted to go. I didn’t know what kind of experience I wanted to have. I didn’t put much thought into how these experiences would shape the person that I am today. I remember when I sat in front of that big world map with Max and drew a crude line through Central & South America in a dried up red whiteboard marker and first discussed the idea of travelling that line by bicycle.

Since then, I’ve travelled 4000km in 6 months, over 4 countries and two continents - all by bike. I changed location nearly everyday. My bicycle weighed more than I did. Most days I woke up at 5am, cycled around 70km and climbed over 2000m of elevation. I repeated this routine day after day. I got to enjoy the true beauty, magnitude and power of the Andes. I learnt a new language. I got fit and lost 8 kgs in the process. I discovered a love for particularly awful reggaeton and garishly patterned shirts.

Away from the pace of my normal life in the UK; I was anticipating that I would learn a little more about myself. Naively before I spun my pedals for the first time back in Costa Rica, I thought I would be learning about light hearted subject matter, such as the kind of company that I would like to work for upon my return to London.

What I didn’t know back then was that cycling in this relentless manner strips you to your absolute core!

What I learnt most about was how I cope with extreme fatigue, pressure and exhaustion (the answer is not so well!) And that I have a tendency to jump headfirst into challenges without thinking too deeply about what they entail. In hindsight, it was an incredibly insane decision to cycle through the longest mountain range on the planet having never cycle-toured before in my life. I hadn’t even owned a geared bike since I was about 10 years old.

I have no regrets about any of this and despite finding the trip the most exhausting holiday of all time, I highly, highly recommend cycle-touring! Every ounce of effort that I put into cycling; I was rewarded with breathtaking views and dramatic scenery. Reaching a milestone or a border crossing was emotional as I had spent days, weeks or months and literally climbed mountains to get there.

Cycle-touring pushed the boundaries of my mental and physical endurance and I now feel confident in my ability to accomplish any challenge that life throws at me. Not a lot (in my opinion) can be harder than cycling my 70kg bike up 10% gradient hills in the rain all day everyday (yes I’m talking about you, Ecuador).

I spent so much time outdoors with so few possessions that I have a new found appreciation for small luxuries such as a sleeping in a comfy bed, wearing clean clothes and taking baths whenever I please.

The slow nature of travelling by bicycle is awe-inspiring. I know in detail entire stretches of the countries that we crossed and I have a deep understanding of how both the landscape and culture shift with this progression. I saw the big, glitzy cities and the stark, poverty stricken reality of the locals lives outside of them. This is something I never would have seen travelling by bus from one tourist hotspot to another. We spent so much time in each country that after a while, they started to feel like home.

I know that my experience cycle-touring will be something that I remember for the rest of my life and mentally revisit whenever I want to feel inspired.

Two months ago I woke up everyday with little idea as to where I would be sleeping that night and had the freedom to go wherever I pleased. My world was so big! Fast-forward to now and my world encompasses my parents house and a few kilometres surrounding it. This shift has been a huge mental challenge for me. I spent a lot of time whilst on the trip thinking about all of the amazing places that I would soon be visiting, so its been hard accepting that I will no longer be cycling the Peru Divide or through the Salt Flats in Bolivia or the Atacama Desert in Chile. Unfortunately, a few weeks after returning to the UK, me and Max split up, so I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that the person that I shared my cycle-touring experiences with, will not be part of my life going forwards.

After spending 6 months on the move, in lockdown I have started to discover that there is elegance in staying still. Travel is really just a means of filling your life with distractions - albeit new, picturesque and adventurous ones.

In the quietness of the past couple of months, I’ve learnt more about who I am and what I want out of life than during my entire trip. This time that we have for introspection and self improvement at the moment is priceless. It’s something that can’t be bought with a plane ticket and a bicycle.

I thought I would round off my blog with a some of my favourite, memorable moments. Im not sure how relevant these will be for you guys (sorry!) I just wanted to write them all down somewhere so that I don’t forget!

Here goes:

Looking down on Medellín, Colombia from high up in the mountains, lit up in the darkness. I had spent 12 hours cycling uphill that day to get there. Then spent an hour and a half descending. My hands ached the next day from holding my brakes- thats how steep it was.

Everyone applauding a beautiful sunset on the beach in Salvador, Brazil.

Swimming in the sea around the San Blas islands in Panama and seeing dolphins under the water. 

Cycling up to a viewing point in Jacó, Costa Rica. Looking down on the bay and the jungle beneath and seeing a flock of red parrots fly above the rainforest canopy.

Cycling through Cotopaxi National Park in Ecuador and camping near Volcán Cotopaxi. 

Getting soaked to the bone by the tropical storms everyday in Costa Rica and Panama. Attempting to dry out my shoes every night became a ritual.

The importance of always having a supply of peanut butter and the joy of finding a rare jar in a supermarket. It was like gold dust. 

Camping on Lauras floor in Popayán, Colombia.

Limonada all day everyday in Colombia. 

Seeing sloths in Manuel Antonio National Park, Costa Rica.

Arriving into the town of Salento, Colombia and cycling up a hill so steep that people in the town clapped and cheered once I reached the top. 

Getting my bike stuck in the mud after a storm in San Onofre, Colombia. The bus drove past and refused to let us on because both us and our bikes were so muddy. We were stranded.

Helados everyday in Ecuador.

The pure joy of finding pasta sauce (not ketchup) in a supermarket. This was also like gold dust.

Camping next to waterfalls at Cascadas Condor Machay, Ecuador.

Getting my scuba diving license in Coveñas, Colombia.

Camping on a volleyball pitch near Alausí, Ecuador.

Crossing the bridge of the Americas in Panama and completing the Central American section of the trip.

Cycling to our highest altitude - 40009m above sea level in Ecuador.

The smell of rotting animals that had been hit by cars on the Panamericana in Panama.

Seeing the Champions Parade at the Sambadromo in Rio de Janeiro during Carnival.

How beautiful the cycle route was during the 3/4 day journey into Medellín, on an abandoned road.

Swimming in Guatapé Lake, Colombia.

Experiencing a Colombian black hairdressers (to get my hair re-braided). Damn they’re loud.

How near the end of the trip, getting chased by dogs was such a regular occurrence that it didn’t bother me anymore.

Seeing crocodiles sunbathing next to a river in Costa Rica 

The cycle into Baños, Ecuador, near Volcán Tungurahua.

Camping in an old lady’s garden in Colombia because we had run out of time that day to get to the next town. She lived in a wooden shack, with a dirt floor and slept in a hammock.

Blocos at Copacabana beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, during Carnival.

Looking out across endless misty fields of frailjones, in El Angel National Park, Ecuador.

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