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#thats just the feel of life right now and i cant handle it
maeshelix · 2 years
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I feel like a long-forgotten prisoner locked away in solitary confinement awaiting her execution, cackling at nothing and switching moods at the drop of a hat, except that that prisoner could leave her cell at any point and could interact with anyone she wanted at any point and only doesn't do that out of several unexplainable and/or hard to articulate fears.
The execution is still real, it's just got a more nebulous timeframe and will also kill several million more people before it kills her.
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thetisming · 21 days
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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it
#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see#it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends#that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i#havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character#isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything#and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i#can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me#and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody#carrd so now i judt cant#i feel so broken right now#also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine#but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things#and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou#t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn#t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this#i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore#i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out#i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to#judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't#i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do#sorry
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hauntedwoman · 5 months
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as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
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spade-club · 2 years
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Reminding myself that I did all of my goals I had for this year. Even if some of them turned out to be mistakes, I've come a long way in the past half a year especially, and even if I am currently struggling with the weight of it all right now, these achievements are nothing to ignore or take value away from.
#anyway considering quitting my new job because I almost died for it already and I cant handle all of the all of it.#I had to call out sick today and I got told off and a manager basically said he thought I was lying because I didnt want to work there.#it felt so bad and I just.... ugh#its just all so overwhelming#like. I'm incredibly sick right now. dealing with a whole cheating scandal going on. Christmas was hard as fuck. this new job is overwhelm#I just... cant handle it all.#plus my old job never gave me my last paycheck so I have to deal with that#and I am trying so hard to get in contact with this new therapist guy but I keep just not having time to set things up.#im overwhelmed. so much.#the one good thing I have going for me is my friends and even then I'm starting to feel like a burden on them for struggling so much#idk! its just a lot!#but hey. I didnt kill myself this year! and instead I have been living a life and thats not nothing#checked *kiss a second person* off my list. yeah they were also kissing many people I didnt know about including their girlfriend but ! yk#things happen haha (im devistated)#and I checked off *get a job* and *leave the state I was living in* and *start driving*#and two of those are still going well!#mostly I mean. I do still kinda hate driving and have almost killed myself on accident twice#but really the point is im trying lots of new things and figuring out what works and what doesnt!#im not just living but im alive and thats all that needs to matter#the pain of all of this is the proof im alive and I can still feel. I just am convincing myself thats a good thing
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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#okay. i can handle this:#...i just really wish it wasnt so hard to do everything for me. like. ive spent years of my childhood molding myself for the sake of others#and what for? now that im an adult im just trying to completely remove the trauma i experienced as a kid.#and i just look back on all these things that hurt me and think#idk. theres not much to be done. in a way its a relief being able to pinpoint#diary#personal#i was gonna say i wish my mood was more stable but thats not quite right.#i guess i moreso wished i was a bit more resiliant. i wish that not every little thing hurt#or just. i wish i could handle the stressors of life a bit more easily. but i cant.#idk. its been a really rough week to be entirely honest. and then i just have little moments like these#where things sorta feel like they just fall into place. where i feel like i was just a kid. i didnt really understandokay im acting like thi#but really in the end it doesnt stop it for me? everything still hurts so much.#and its still hard to know all the things i need to deal with and do.#and honesty i know i cant handle the stresses that come with adult life. i cant even support myself really#i fully depend on my parents for any and all basic necessities.#i can pay for my health insurance yeah. but thats about it?#i could potentially pay for my phone and maybe other basic necessities. but in practice i cant.#the process of setting these things up is damn near impossible for me.#honestly. i think that while i enjoy the internet and such sometimes this is the worst time for me to exist#bc i just. am constantly stressed with so many things bc of it. and theres not much to be done really.#...i hope i can book an appointment with my therapist sooner than later.#at least i have a bunch of stuff i can do to keep myself busy ig...#but really. thats the problem. theres too much to do and its far too stressful.#well. at least ill be able to play with some things ig. idk. i have a new planner im excited about.#i like planning. i miss studying. i hate working. im tired of only having the options of working out or being in pain.#im just so tired of it all.#that appointment i had with the specialist sorta really made me realize. oh shit. this is my life now and im fucked.#like. i can take anti-inflammatories. but thats it really. my life is just gonna constantly be like this. and im tired.#idk. im gonna go finish my latte.
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grandtheftpoptart · 2 years
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Babysat a 5, 3, 2 year-old and 10 month old for 6 hours. That's 1 kid per age group. I got a hot chocolate and 5$ for it
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29121996 · 5 months
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#i . think abt eho i am now vs who i was jan 22 and just . i wanna both scoff n xry#bc nothing i did mattered. i did everything right . and i atill ended.up like this .#so key take away is: doesnt matter what i do im gonna end up Hurt !#but ik thats just anger or wtv talking. like there is a lesson in that#smth else.im supposed to b taking away or else i wouldnt be . rattling it in my brain like i am#but i cant figure it out .#n ik . none of this matters n i shoukdny be so harsh on myself for still . feeling the way i do#but . i cant help it . bc everyone just expects me to move on and get over it .#and so does he. bc he has . so the fact tha tim still . sitting here and reeling and dealing with it all#feels so shitty#but it makes sense that i am.b bc i am a wholw new person bc of it. i had genuine feelings for him. i altered#my whole life plan bc of him . (not rlly#he more or less just Fit into what i was already wanting / planning. i hust added him to it)#so like . ofc itd make sense im still sad and feeling like i do. i just wisb i didnt bc eveeyones tired od it and tired of me#i juat hate it all .#i have to ask for a transfer to minimalise my run ins w him bx i Cant Handle it.#which feels weak in itself but . i origonally.applied for that place ANYWAY so its not#idk i just dont wanna explain to thrm tbat i cant . work Here for a while . bc i need to figure some shit ou#but i cant do thst if . im soending all my time at work tdting not to see him or praying hes not coming in yknow?#it just . H
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snekdood · 1 year
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ppl who cant be serious and need to supplement any hard/difficult/emotional convos with memes to “get through it” dni
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normiewizard · 2 years
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ibuprofen you are my best friend you are everything to me. promise me youbwill never wear off </3
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feline-insolitum · 9 months
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i was gonna put this on a reblog to this post but i decided it needed to be its own post so here we go
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LOOK AT HIM!!!
most other trainers will be super badass or cool whenever theyre terastallizing their pokemon. but kieran just kinda stands there devoid of life. he looks like hes not even there. almost like he's just... dissociating through the whole thing
you can also see eyebags that his teal mask model didn't have. he's been working himself to the absolute bone to get stronger. another character (i forget who) even says hes been sacrificing sleep just to get stronger. its very obviously been taking a toll on him
but looking back on the battle as a whole, this wasnt even the only time where he looked dull and lifeless. for the entire battle, when hes not being dramatic on purpose, he just looks so out of it
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you cant look at these pictures and tell me hes mentally present. the left picture isnt even timed to make him look like that. his expression is like that the entire time hes giving that line of dialogue.
and again, you can see visible eyebags!!!
i think part of it is that hes imagined the battle against the protagonist so many times since getting back from kitakami that it's feels like it's already happened to him, and he's just reliving a memory.
maybe another part is since hes gotten back, hes just been battling non stop when he has the chance. to him its just another battle. initiate, defeat, get stronger. rinse and repeat. its so repetitive that half the time he doesnt even know who hes battling. i feel like thats the case here, maybe sometimes he forgets hes even battling the person that he became this strong to defeat in the first place
i think why he did this to himself is because of more than "just getting stronger". after everything that happened in kitakami: gaining a friend, only for them to lie to and betray him about the thing he loves most, then for them to get closer with his sister, who would consistently shut him down, then on top of it all, ogerpon chose us, and even in trying to battle us for her, we beat him.
that is a lot to have happen to you in just a couple days, so i think part of the non stop training is him trying to cope. in trying to make up for "being too weak", hes also trying to escape reality and forget that those things even happened. he looks so out of it for the entire battle because he is. thats why he has such a reaction when we use ogerpon against him in battle. because by doing that, were reminding him
this is all part of why he freaks out so hard when we beat him. aside from his whole complex of getting stronger specifically to beat us, its because hes already imagined beating us so many times that to him, it already kinda happened in his sleep deprived mind. its because hes won battle after battle since getting back from kitakami, so after being in this rinse and repeat cycle of battling and winning, us losing causes him to finally snap out of it.
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after the protag wins, hes genuinely confused that he lost. but he knew how strong the protag was going into this. i think its because, for the majority of the battle, due to not being mentally present, he forgot he was battling us.
this, as well as how often he wouldve imagined him beating us, explains very well how surprised and shocked and panicked he is that he lost. "this wasnt supposed to happen" because it was just another battle, and he wins battles. "this wasnt supposed to happen" because he already imagined him beating us so many times that it had to have been real, right?
and because this monotonous cycle he was in that was actively draining him of energy was broken by us beating him, everything that he hadnt had the energy to process since training is hitting him like a truck now. ogerpon, the betrayal, how he kept losing to us, how he just lost to us right this moment, its all too much and he cant handle it. and so he crumples to the ground and has a mental breakdown
i didnt mean to turn this into a whole character analysis on kieran but i have a LOT of thoughts on his character and how hes written
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poppy-metal · 3 months
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thinking about patrick zweig who you just started out dating. and when you guys are intimate the first few times its pretty tame…actually kinda sweet…? but then he notices the way you clench around him when he drills into you when hes about reach his high, the way you get wetter when hes fucking your mouth when he gets carried away and when he realises just how much of a dirty slut you are…its game over. hes man handling you, that stupid smile on his face and hes spewing the nastiest things in existence and you cant help but get wetter.
its real love ♥️♥️♥️♥️
patrick is absolutely the type to get lost in the sauce of how good your pussy feels gripping his cock that he'll just do something - like shove your head down into his pillow to force your back into a better arch, angle your tight ass higher for his pounding hips - and he wont think twice about it. brain completely blank except for his need to cum - and you soak his cock almost immediately at the rough handling at how it feels he stops seeing you as a person in that moment and just a hole thats jerking off his cock. you can barely breathe with your nose and mouth stuffed in the pillow and that makes your cunt strangle the thick length plunging in and out - your eyes rolling back nearly into your sockets as you cum around him.
his fingers dig into your scalp, his hips slapping into yours almost thunderous with the force he puts into his thrusts at the feeling. "fuck." you hear him grunt, "oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh this tight little pussys's gonna - gonna make me fucking cum - shit -"
just when you're starting to feel lightheaded - that warm rush of fluid warms your insides - the palm on the back of your head slackens, and you lift your head to take in greedy gulps of air.
patricks hand comes up quickly to brush the sticky strands of hair out of your face, "oh shit." he pants, still out of breath, sounding worried suddenly. "fuck - baby, im sorry." he pulls out, and you whine at the drag of him out of you, the subsequent flood of his cum that leaves your pussy. "i wasn't paying attention. why didn't you slap me or something - i would've stopped-"
you shake your head - turning your head to him after air is back in your lungs, and smile at him. your face flushed, your eyes kinda crazy and wild. your grin is absolutely loopy.
"no." you tell him, shaking your head. you cup your hand over his, which is rubbing over your cheek, helping fix the babyhairs stuck to your forehead with sweat. "no, i liked it. you didn't feel me...you know?"
he searches your gaze, looking to make sure you're really okay. "i mean, yeah." a slow lazy smile starts to spread across his lips then, dimpling his cheek. "your pussy started choking the life out of my dick. sucked the nut right out of me."
you roll your eyes, but you let him crush you to his body. big and sweaty, you curl against him, stroking through the hair on his chest as you settle. his lips brush the top of your head as your legs tangle together under the soiled twisted sheets. clean later, bask now.
"my girls a freak, huh." he doesn't sound the least put out by it.
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Saturn the father you always wanted and always have. Saturn in da houses, and why your life sucks. Im blunt here so don't complain don't read if you can't handle the reality of saturn. Saturn in the first house - okay you don't like to try when you present yourself, you think people should just instantly respect you because youve been through many trials in life... well people usually dont know how to talk to you because you have a stick up your ass. Saturn in the second house - everyones greedy, but when you are, its not cool. Well it isn't because when you are greedy you act like a goblin. be more mature its okay to be greedy but your acting like its a virtue stfu. Saturn in the third house - everyone thinks your dumb af, and you are only because you lack confidence to drive your points home. you just need to learn how to communicate better, your not dumb but you act like a dumbass. Saturn in the fourth house - sad boy/girl now everyone knows you had a rough childhood but would you grow up already, everyone else has but your still stuck being sad about how life has treated you (or your momma/dadda) grow up your not getting any younger you can't change the past stop wallowing. the past has taught you well, use it to your advantage or let it hold you back. Saturn in the fifth house - pretend players who get played everytime. Always gotta pretend like they are fun but whenever you do try to have fun with them they are annoying. yes you could be fun in the bedroom simply because everyone knows your too sensitive to break someones heart... because your heart is the most broken. Saturn in the sixth house - the real try hards always putting in 100%. suck ups to there boss or whoever is above them. but when there authority disrespects them they go rogue and try even harder just to spit in there boss's face. i respect it because i got cap here Saturn in the seventh house - if your a bad person good luck in this life, because your karma is received ten fold by your partners, they always like to complete your karmic cycle because thats just how it works idk. so better act right or your partner will ruin it before you ruin yourself.
Saturn in the eighth house - will do anything to get to the top. no pain is too painful. well it all is, but the ends justify the means. when they put there foot down the whole room shakes. so when your making a move make sure its the right one because your power plays are on display for everyone and itll make or break you more than the other placements. Saturn in the ninth house - lazy asses, always looking for an easy way out. they know what the right thing to do is, but the likelihood of them doing it is never. its because saturn restricts there luck/ mind and they just have woe is me energy and its annoying make better choices, and if you dont stop crying about it. but if they act right saturn blesses them the fuck up. Saturn in the tenth house - okay these people think they are better than everyone and deserve everything, but they never receive the applause they crave. its never enough even if the whole room is looking at them they suddenly don't want it anymore. there karma everyone can see, and if its too good it feels like a curse, and when its bad and reality comes crashing down they just want to hide but they cant. own your life or it will own you. Saturn in the eleventh - there community will give them there karma, always these people dont have a place where they feel safe. because they never make anyone feel safe around them, then cry when no-one gives them that favour. stfu and treat us better and maybe we will do you better. Saturn in the twelfth - okay apparently this is where saturn is in its joy, and i guess its because god/ spirits judge you. and i guess thats a good thing because if anyone should judge you its him. except the pain here is you have ultimate freedom, you rarely get signs on what to do. will you make the right choice or the wrong once? well they are lucky because they always get there karma quickly so they can always recover fast. but these people struggle to empathise because they don't feel the energy of the room. sooooo just grow up you got the best saturn, and your karma resides is in your empathy. disclaimer - saturn wants you to be the best. and no one is.... so i like to think if you want a sense of direction (where are you going wrong) look at the saturn house and if you are successful congrats your doing saturn right. but be careful he always thinks you can do better, and he loves to humble you. so be-careful out there.
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mrsriddlenott · 1 year
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hi i saw your post about blurbs based on songs and i thought about a mattheo riddle x reader blurb inspired by everyone who falls in love by cian ducrot! maybe reader is a non-slytherin in a relationship with another non-slytherin but is secretly in love with mattheo. just an idea but can’t wait to see what you come up with <33
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“Everyone Who Falls In Love Has Someone Else They’re Thinking Of”
I’d never heard this song before but I love it. As soon as I heard the lyrics I wanted Mattheo to be an ex, it’s not exactly what you asked for but I hope you like it. <3<3
Ex!Mattheo Riddle x Fem!reader
masterlist
Warnings: Angst, Emotional Cheating
Description: Reader’s trying to start anew with Cedric but Mattheo keeps popping into her head.
It never would have worked out in the long run. You’re a Hufflepuff he’s the son of the Dark Lord. You were just too incompatible. Your entire relationship was behind closed doors. You couldn’t have your house learning you were a traitor. It couldn’t have ever worked.
He’s just wrong for you.
At least thats what you kept repeating over and over in your head, but when he walked out of your life it hurt all the same. In all honesty you weren’t a traitor at all, he was nothing like what people thought and you knew that. But for some reason you just couldn’t voice that to people.
When Cedric came along everything clicked, it was so easy, so safe. He was enough. You couldn’t pass it up. You knew it hurt Mattheo to watch him give you everything he couldn’t, just as it hurt you. Every time his eyes caught yours it felt like a silent agreement that you still loved each other, but it wasn’t right. So you resisted.
But you couldn’t resist thinking of him in every moment you shared with Cedric. You couldn’t resist that part of you telling you Cedric was wrong, not Mattheo. The same part of you that was still in love with him, the part that had you following him down empty corridors even still.
“Haven’t you done enough Mattheo?” You shouted to his back as he stopped in front of you. You had just come from Potions where he made a point of showing off his jealousy every five minutes.
“I love him Mattheo, you cant just pop up everywhere an-“
“Everyone one who falls in love has someone else they’re thinking of,” he whirled around with narrowed eyes, “You can’t try and hide it because I know the feeling. I can see it and feel it every time you look at me,” He was now slowly stepping closer to you, with every step he took forward you took one backward.
“Thats why you lie to him about everything we ever did together, not because you’re ashamed, because you don’t want to admit you’re still in love with me.” You swallowed as you tried to think of something to say, he was right you knew he was, you just couldn’t admit it.
“I haven’t done enough y/n, it’ll never be enough to make up for this. I should have manned up and protected you myself. I didn’t want Him to hurt you, I didn’t want to lose you, I thought pushing you away would be easier to handle. As long as I knew you were alive. But I was a coward y/n, I see that now.” His voice caught in his throat as you stopped moving away from him allowing him to take your cheek into his hand, “I miss you, there I admitted it. Now please….come back to me.”
~~~~
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knyontop · 6 months
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Hiii!! I really love your works they’re really awesome and they bring me comfort! I wanted to ask if it was ok to do some Platonic Yandere Creepypasta x Teen Reader who’s like extremely traumatized and shy and untrusting but in secret they’re kind and caring and just wants love and to be babied. :33
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OFC MLLLL
Platonic!Yandere!Creepypastas x teen!reader
Ft: Jeff the killer, Slenderman, Ben drowned, and our amazing, beautiful, handsome, reader
Tw: Blood, gore, forced affection, abuse, murder, cussing, manipulation, possessiveness, jeff is a whole warning himself😭😭
Jeff:
・when he first meet you, your un-trusting nature made him amused, he likes when people are nervous and timid about him.
・he would poke fun at you and spook you, he loved seeing people cower below him. It feed his huge ego.
・tho your shy nature made him feel protective over you.
・he didn’t know why, he just felt as if he had no NEEDED to shield you from the worlds wrath.
・He would follow you around and you didn’t know why, the more he was around you tho the more you opened up to him.
・When Jeff actually started to get to know you he started getting more and more possessive. Like an overbearing
Older brother.
・Jeff would start to isolate you and keep you away from the others, the only person he would really let you see besides him is slender and Ben, and a little bit of Lui.
・He would try to make you hate the people he hated. (Cough cough, Jane.)
・He wanted you to rely on him and ONLY HIM. HE IS ALL YOU WILL NEED WHY DONT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT??
・You needed him, you were to naïve and shy, and weak. You needed someone to protect you and help you, and that someone is him.
・Its okay that you didn’t understand that yet, dont worry, Big brother Jeff will take care of it!
“Dont worry kid, your big brother jeff will handle it.”
・He will hug you while having a knife at your back telling you to not leave him, he also threatens you to keep your little mouth shut. Cant have Slender knowing can we
・Jeff will manipulate you to think all of this is normal and this is what siblings do. (Its not)
・He likes to bring you with him on missions and make you watch him kill his victims brutally as a punishment, he says its just discipline and your being overdramatic about it. Plus you also kill people dont you?
・When you call him a monster he will then turn it around on you because you do the same thing he does, your both the same. Your both monsters.
・Jeff has noticed that you just melt into his arms even if you dont like it or not and he will mock you and tease you for it.
“Look at you, such a dumb little thing. You just fall into my arms. Your so naïve, so its a good thing you have me!”
・Just dont be a brat and obey him! Its that simple, right?
“Your such a brat, you should be grateful that I even bother hanging out with you.”
・He will tell Ben to make sure you keep your mouth shut and make sure your being a good little kid, Ben doesn’t complain because Jeffs his best friend and your just another pitiful human being that happened to step into the Slender mansion.
“Look kid, just listen to jeff. Theres nothing you can really do now is there?”
・Ben does feel bad, but hes a very sadistic being.
・If you piss of Jeff enough he will kill someone in your old life you cared deeply about, he will make you watch the blood splatter everywhere, he will make you watch him stab there chest repeatedly, he will make you watch the guts fly everywhere.
・The funny thing is Jeff knows that this is wrong but he just doesn’t give a fuck.
・It all goes to far when he breaks you and you have a full on mental breakdown, thats when he actually feels genuinely bad. <3
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I had fun writing this🎀
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nori-the-cat · 4 months
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a bit of a long ramble but
I'e been observing and following kpop on and off for some time because theres really not much other music out rn besides whatever is mainstream and even that doesnt always interest me enough. but I just wonder why so much of kpop has been so dramatic lately? lkke in these past few years online drama seems to increase surrounding idols especially and what idols do in their personal life doesnt need to be shared online like wtf and it just seems like every small thing for kpop groups tend to become big drama or their fans make it big drama all the time. thats why i watch from afar these days cause it seems anyone can have negative thing to say abt anyone whos in the kpop entertainment. even if there is some good things abt kpop music, overall it doesnt paint it in good light cause it make their fans seem like a pack of wild vultures who watch their idols like hawkes or ppl who cant seem to mind their business or let idols roam freely in their spare time cause smartphones seem to mean ppl can shove them in the idols face esp at airports.
its just kind of tiring most of the time like if people just liked it for the songs it wouldnt be so bad instead it seems to be one extreme or the other. i dont blame idols for never saying who they date bc look at what happened to karina and the actor. social media just spoils the fun of something and makes it into something else enitrely where its now often filled with dramas or toxic behaviours idfk whatever ppl post towards idols it only for them to get more negative reactions. i wouldnt be surprised if most idols are already dating but when it seem to get leaked in the media then ppl who are their fans act like it end of the world. i think the problem isnt social media itself but more so smartphones bc ppl who are more their hard core stans, i guess is the right word, they might go to extremes and they keep showing that extreme behaviour any time something doesnt sit right with them. like one minute the idol can be worshipped and next they can be tarnished so they cant really win anymore.
when ppl say that kpop is becoming westernised i only think thats in the sense of them adding foreigners nowadays to the groups, but the groups and their fans are still very much particular towards things like in 2024 i didnt expect idols dating to still be considered a scandal? whereas in the west they date who they want or idfk adult idols going out to clubs and drinking seem to surprise some folk. even the stuff in the media dont surprise me anymore cause it no a big deal to me at least. honestly with the way their fans behave online and irl towards idols theres one thing im glad abt and that is i will never have to deal with them or knetz lol.
its shame bc theres still so much kpop could bring to music but its so formatted and rigid or set in its ways of doing things. the other thing is they arent debuting older age idols who may have more life experiences and they may be more mentally prepared to handle such fans behaviours or they might have different style vocals and so on, so with that in mind im like its so awkward and horrible to even watch the way much younger idols get treated or mistreated, i should say, by their own fans and maybe by other adults that they work with.
other than whatever is mainstream there doesnt seem to be market for my age group anymore cause in kpop theyre debuting them too young and ik they always done that but it still feels weird to me to like a group whos 4/5/6 years younger than myself. id have loved an other group like btob or a smaller version of exo but nowadays it seems groups have nearly 30 smth members in them and they usually have to be quite young :/ if ateez had been my age it would seal the deal but i dont even care too deeply for them either its just once in awhile sort of thing i will like their songs why does it always have to be more than that?
like im no going to go doolally about every group nowadays either for this reason that my generation seems to be getting left out of a lot of things to do with kpop. like i honestly really feel old these days esp when i look at an idol and theyre like a 99liner or 00liner :O and kpop probs now considers 20 year olds too old as well :( fomo sets in too when u dont particularly care deeply abt dance challenges or latest internet fads cause i rather just like a group for their songs or their talent than their looks or their group position / personality whatever its called
lastly whoever date or marry bts i honestly feel so bad for them like they going to get so much media attention and their fans wont like it either so the internet will descend into more chaos when they marry if they arent already secretly married that is. it really sometimes often feels like the beatles but with the internet involved its 100x more crazy no matter the group it always has bunch of crazies who seem to twke it way too far
sorry for my long ramble
GUUUUUURRRRL please don’t be sorry for your long ramble. I had similar thoughts as you but I have come to terms with it, especially when I’m the same age as NCT 127 Jungwoo things in K-pop music has become less enjoyable too. Hence, I don’t know much about newer groups or groups outside of my interests ㅠ ㅠ
You also pointed out how fans can idolise their idols and drop them the next minute when they’re “wrong”, for example going to the club, dating, and having a life basically. I think all of this is the company’s fault. Take SM for example, I’m not comfortable in the direction that RIIZE is going with the booheju (girlfriend stan) stuff, but it’s what it makes money? Because of this, I’ve slowly detaching myself from them and only like their songs and I have one particular member that I like, he is Lee Sohee. I also like him because of his singing skill and that’s all.
Overall, I agree with you. Tbh it’s the parasocial relationship that is an issue. Some fans seeks comfort from their idol and the idol gives them that. However, often they forget that an idol job stops when they’re behind the camera. They have a life too. So, I’m with you on this too. I have started to like a group for their song and less about what is trendy or their looks and personality. Girl groups wise I’m into Aespa, NewJeans and BabyMonster. Their songs are right up my alley. Now, the younger idols debuting is a problem in it of itself. But this has happened way before in Kpop. Take Taemin for example, or NCT Dream Jisung. I think the main reason is that the younger they are, the easier to “manipulate” them or influence them. I guess if a company debuts someone above 25 years old, they’re going to have a hard time dealing with them because their pre-frontal cortex has developed.
that’s my easiest bet! 🤡
I’m also not Korean so I can’t say for certain this is true. However, I’m Asian. I realise Asian people put so much emphasis on good character. Because of this, idols are seen as role models and they are constantly judged and put on a pedestal. It’s kinda sad really. So, take Seunghan for example, whether his rumours are true or not. His scandal has been a huge part of his idol career and to some, it could look like there is no going back. In terms of fan wars, I think people on the internet are just bored or mean. Most fan wars started by some troll or a fan who likes to compare other idols. I don’t know much about fan wards but this is what I noticed. I’m pretty sure if BTS gets married, it is during the time of their life where they are not at their “prime”. That way is easier for them to be accepted by their fans and the South Korean. Take, Ryewook from Super Junior. He got married recently and the fans seem fine. But ofc, we can’t exclude the obsessive fans. I’m sure idols realise they have obsessive fans. In general, I’m pretty sure idols knows their consequences and downsides to being an idol. We as fans also have full control of our interests. The only thing becoming Westernised in kpop is the song and not the culture. 🤡
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correctproseka · 4 months
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Been thinking about absolutely strong An has been through this event.
- Finds out her aunt died from her uncle after he said her team would never beat RAD Weekend in their lifetime
- Watched her colleagues (EVER, Arata, Kotaru) get decimated in a singing battle SECONDS AFTER by the same uncle who broke the sad news to them (Arata especially getting Shredded from Taiga’s remarks about carrying dreams since he carries Soma’s dream of becoming the best singer ever)
- Later performing against said uncle with her team WHILE STILL PROCESSING NAGI’S DEATH, WHAT TAIGA IS DOING, and other thoughts racing in her head, only to get eviscerated by him sINCE SHES GOING THROUGH A LOT AT THE MOMENT MENTALLY (“Your Aunt’s dead, your team wont ever beat me, lets have a rap battle now!!” - Taiga)
- Seeing said colleagues leave seemingly forever because their dreams have been shattered, only having her own team
- Her father finding them and telling her the whole truth, which included the reason why until now everyone had been LYING TO HER FOR YEARS about Nagi’s condition
AND THIS HAPPENS ALL IN ONE DAY
AND SHE GETS RIGHT BACK UP AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF GRIEVING NAGI’S DEATH
She gets back up, thats true, but lets make a few things clear.
She only gets back up because she has her team and her dad. If anyone in her team had given up, i dont think she could've handled. And as much as she is rightfully angry at her dad, he is also a good reason she can stay as confident as she is.
Plus, we know that whatever happened was NOT acceptance, well, it kind of was, but also not. You know the stages of grief are.. weird. An skipped denial (or we can count those three years as denial), right into anger- and she unleashed that anger while singing, and is angry at her town and at her dad- and in between anger she has depression, i would say they're both so intertwined you can barely see which is which. She can't bargain, or maybe she's bargaining at herself, she cant fully break down in front of Taiga, or until she learns of everything.
And once she does, more at side cards than in the actual story. Here comes the acceptance, alongside again more depression. You just know she possibly cried herself to sleep that night- if she slept at all. But also, yes, An is strong, but we cant just ignore the fact that she set her feelings to the side enough to cry at a safe place- and that she has her team to lift her up.
Because for one. Nagi is right. If An knew about it before she met Kohane, and before they formed Vivid Bad Squad, An would have given up on music all together, not that she wasn't strong then, she would have gotten over with that situation, probably EASIER without yknow. Knowing it three years later. But also the main reason she was into music would be gone, so what was the point? Now she has more people- and more reasons- to be into music.
Just adding salt to the wound yknow.
Also my headcanon is that after An was. Like yknow, not fighting tears just because of Nagi's name (which took like a full week), Ken took her to the cemetery where Nagi is, which made An cry all over again but helped her mourn since she never had the chance to, he walked away to give them a bit of privacy while An talks to the grave to give Nagi updates about her life and in the end, she feels more determined than ever, she leaves a little drawing of the vbs logo on top of it and goes back more at peace than when she came in.
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