#which feels weak in itself but . i origonally.applied for that place ANYWAY so its not
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#i . think abt eho i am now vs who i was jan 22 and just . i wanna both scoff n xry#bc nothing i did mattered. i did everything right . and i atill ended.up like this .#so key take away is: doesnt matter what i do im gonna end up Hurt !#but ik thats just anger or wtv talking. like there is a lesson in that#smth else.im supposed to b taking away or else i wouldnt be . rattling it in my brain like i am#but i cant figure it out .#n ik . none of this matters n i shoukdny be so harsh on myself for still . feeling the way i do#but . i cant help it . bc everyone just expects me to move on and get over it .#and so does he. bc he has . so the fact tha tim still . sitting here and reeling and dealing with it all#feels so shitty#but it makes sense that i am.b bc i am a wholw new person bc of it. i had genuine feelings for him. i altered#my whole life plan bc of him . (not rlly#he more or less just Fit into what i was already wanting / planning. i hust added him to it)#so like . ofc itd make sense im still sad and feeling like i do. i just wisb i didnt bc eveeyones tired od it and tired of me#i juat hate it all .#i have to ask for a transfer to minimalise my run ins w him bx i Cant Handle it.#which feels weak in itself but . i origonally.applied for that place ANYWAY so its not#idk i just dont wanna explain to thrm tbat i cant . work Here for a while . bc i need to figure some shit ou#but i cant do thst if . im soending all my time at work tdting not to see him or praying hes not coming in yknow?#it just . H
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