#thats how she sees herself

[droodlebug]

akin changes so much over the course of becoming the herald... like any teenager she does Want to be important. even if its for something she doesnt believe. she starts believing maybe she is chosen. maybe she is sprcial. her eyes change from brown to the unnatural fade green, always burned by the anchor even after its not a part of her anymore. she gets taught how to utilize her magic, and its amplified by the anchor. she gets more confident. starts listening more to herself than anyone else. shes more important, shes special, right? but sera and vivienne keep her grounded. vivienne has helped her learn the confidence and leadership she starts to wield. cassandra changes from someone akin is dependent on to make all her choices to a friend who's advice is invaluable... idk. she grows up. she gets scarred literally and figuratively. she'll never get the chance to be normal, or to only be a person. she starts to see herself as a symbol, a spirit, rather than a person when she isnt with her friends.

thus concludes my weekly thought vomit about akin

[raviollies]

Just who are you, Councilor Medarda?

[wildstar25]

MiqoMarch Day 6 - Secret

The jealousy that began to bubble up, though likely pointless to hide from her of all people, Arsay desperately tried to keep a secret from her dear friend Krile.

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

You know sometimes I forget just how much bloodlust TR!Ros has and I think she does too until she gets lost in it. Ros saw weakness in Alien Pili and immediately went on the offensive and started chasing him. She took a lot of joy in seeing him cower and cry and was intentionally trying to break his armor to make him defenseless. This isn't even new behavior either, Ros has done similar things with people like Harry and other weaker Red Faction members. She likes when people cower from her and gets lost in the adrenaline of it. It's why she keeps killing low level players and it's part of why she ended up killing Alien Pili. She gets caught up in the rush of being the attacker and the power that comes with it that she forgets to hold back. Stronger players often fight back and/or don't humor her so it's not as fun for her so she backs off but weaker players panic in a way that gives her a thrill and she forgets to stop. It's like a prey drive in a way and she doesn't know how to control it and that's why she's so dangerous to weaker players. She was wanting to attack Eloise the other day for the fun of it and everyone around her told her not to because Eloise was much weaker. Ros said she wouldn't kill her but given her reputation for accidentally going too far, they were right to step in. Ros has earned her reputation for a reason and I think it's because she's so used to feeling like the victim that she forgets she is just as capable of being dangerous.

[sonknuxadow]

sorry not to be negative or anything i think a lot of the jokes about maria dying are funny but am i the only one who thinks that its taking it a liiiittle too far to flood the comments of the live action actors posts with stuff about how shes gonna get shot or you cant wait to see her die (and yes this is actually happening im not making up a guy to get mad at)

[mega-banette]

you know what. if we’re imagining Fox as being 17-19 then offering her french toast was actually a genius move on the Bizzies’ part. because from experience the number 1 way to get a teenager to trust you is to give them free food

[relaxxattack]

rereading the hivebent commentary makes me so annoyed that people are never really willing to analyze the actual effects that alternian culture clearly had on every troll, especially the highbloods. pretty much the only troll who ever actually gets taken in the context of her upbringing is vriska.

no one ever seems willing to think about the character arcs of trolls like equius and terezi, who are also bluebloods with extremely hypocritical and toxic understandings of the people around them-- equius is boiled down to a gross creep who is just like that naturally and definitely didn't get it from his society in any way, whilst terezi is scrubbed of virtually all her flaws and turned into a strange sort of woke love interest character who is all about being gay and too cool to be tricked by any of the alternian propaganda. quadrants? classism? how silly! terezi would never believe in stupid shit like that. she's quirky! and GAY!

despite the fact that equius and terezi both obviously have much, much more to their personalities than that-- and the alternian empire is informing way more dangerous things about these kid's beliefs than "you can kiss your enemies".

[pmpknsoup]

i actually am a defender of georgie and melanie and basira being mean or rude to jon bc that man really needed to be put in his place sometimes. like i understand that they were also wrong sometimes— basira is hypocritical and the other two could be nastier than necessary, but i literally cannot blame them at all. jon was so out of line sometimes

[eileennatural]

i am once again thinking about killua and nanika

like I can't stop thinking about how much they are the same. Like nanika really kind of mirrors killua's emotional/personal arc throughout the series. thinking about the traits they share like...

pre-canon, both killua and nanika are tools. people (their family) are cruel to them, and they are made to enact cruelty onto others. the only difference is that killua can be controlled while nanika can't be. killua 'earns' his 'freedom' by virtue of him being much easier to manage/manipulate. nanika, on the other hand, cannot be managed so she and alluka are shut away permanently.

killua and nanika are largely beholden to the will of others -- for killua, its through illumi's needle as well as years of isolation, conditioning, and abuse by his family, and for nanika its in her nature.

but when they find someone who treats them like kids, or friends rather than monsters or a means to an end, when they're not being made to hurt others, killua and nanika both give freely and ask for very little in return.

killua, over and over, makes gon's 'wishes' come true, even if its at cost to himself. gon, kurapika, and leorio all pass the hunter exam because killua breaks a rule, ensuring the victory of everyone else there. he takes gon to heavens arena so he can train to beat hisoka, he agrees to help kurapika fight the phantom troupe because gon wants to help kurapika, he helps gon win greed island, and he gives everything to help gon beat the chimera ants. and all killua asks in return is that he be allowed to stay by gon's side. gon very rarely verbally asks or demands anything of killua (which some people portray as a sign of his selfishness, or that he takes for granted that killua will do whatever he wants, but i digress) but killua gives regardless because what gon has given to killua means so much to him --freedom, his friendship, his company, his trust, and his open and verbal affection.

nanika, in turn, fulfills all of killua's wishes and asks only for his love in return -- that he hug her, pat her head, and tell her she's good. She never makes cruel demands after killua's wishes because he never makes self-interested wishes, he never makes her hurt anyone for him. even as a child, he treated nanika like just another little sister, asking her to play with him and to fulfill the kinds of wishes she likes to do, such as healing people/animals.

killua (for most of the series) and nanika don't really have concrete goals or objectives of their own beyond securing love and affection by being useful to their favorite person (codependency twins !)

of course, killua and nanika are both eventually betrayed and incredibly hurt by their person, because that's just how codependent relationships play out, especially among people as young and emotionally immature and traumatized as gon, killua, and nanika are.

all of this culminates in maybe my favorite scene of the series, where killua realizes that he's hurt nanika in a similar way that gon have very recently hurt him, and also that by shutting nanika away, he's really just repeating their parents' abuse of her. so he doesn't just apologize, but he demonstrates that he knows why what he did is wrong, and why he did it, and promises never to do it again.

i only wish we cold have seen gon's apology :/

[rexscanonwife]

Gghhhh I can't believe how crazy I am for Arthur!! 😭😭😭 and how crazy he is for me!! I don't know, I think there's something special about how like IMMEDIATELY smitten we'd be with each other 💖💖💖

Especially since usually with the sort of pairing we are (awkward guy and /slightly/ cooler girl) you'd think there'd be more emphasis on Arthur trying to...EARN it if that makes sense? But nah as soon as Jane saw what a sweet, sincere soul he is, his unbridled and unapologetic passion for Christmas, when she heard his goofy ass LAUGH for the first time?? She was head over heels for this goofball just as much as he was with her 😭💖😭💖😭💖😭 all he ever had to be was himself

[quartzitess]

Repost.

Lots of text and ramble in tags.

(Sadly tags are not enough to express how I feel on this. So I'll try and maybe add more in a reblog tomorrow.)

[feng-shui71]

Ohhhhh ask games my beloved, may I humbly ask 13 for Alvina and 38 for Jordan? 👀 And a bonus H for Alvina bc I wanna know more about her!!

HEHFEHFNJD YES THANK YOU OF COURSE I love it when you guys take interest in other ocs besides Jordan

Alvina:

13. What colour do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that colour?

Okay so homegirl does not play about fashion especially since her teenage years take place during the 2000s. She doesn’t ‘think’, she knows she looks good in a nice pastel pink or a cute baby blue tone, it compliments her and either one of those two colours are always incorporated into her outfits one way or another, whether it be jeans or even a subtle hairclip. Very feminine, it just suits her in general.

H. What trait do you admire most?

There are a ton but if I had to settle on one it has to be how hardworking she is. Homegirl had to look after her little brother and basically raise him after Wesker left, all while pursuing her own dreams. I know i’ve made it clear that she’s very intelligent like her father, but it isn’t effortless, I like to think she struggled a ton with school due to the shitshow that is their family drama, however she kinda had to grind in order to help her mother and better her life (Wesker’s leave had them living paycheck to paycheck ). I care for her so much she’s literally just a ball of stress and repressed trauma masked by a facade of arrogance

Jordan:

38. What memory do they revisit most often?

As for good memories, obviously she looks back fondly on moments between her and Wesker. I think her favourite one has gotta be either their wedding or any memory where Alvina or Junior were still children, happier times, moments where Wesker were most vulnerable. Alongside this, I think she mulls over her memories at S.T.A.R.S. often too, they were all basically a family and she misses them dearly. The S.T.A.R.S. team photo is framed and can be spotted inside her bedside drawer. Looking at it makes her feel immensely guilty so it’s hidden from plain sight, she doesn’t have the heart to throw it out.

On the other hand, the deaths of her fellow S.T.A.R.S. members, Wesker’s gunshot, the events of Re4 and Re5 all flash in her mind regularly and are a reminder of her past failures.

[afterthelambs]

"Silco didn't create Jinx, you did" lives in my mind rent free because throughout season 1, Vi has been convincing herself that Silco is the obstacle preventing her from getting Powder back. She's traumatized and guilt-ridden. When Vi is traumatized, she simplifies things as a response. She has to believe that getting her sister back is that simple. But when Silco is finally dead, Powder doesn't come back to her. In fact Silco's death is what solidifies Jinx's decision to be Jinx (the complete Jinx aka Jinx + Powder, not the broken version of her that she tried to erase Powder from).

And that's likely why Vi switches on her so quickly. By the time season 2 starts she's fully on board with Piltover wanting to kill Jinx and when she confronts her in ep.3 she says Powder is dead and they're not sisters anymore. Which is wild considering just a few days ago she was reassuring her that they'll always be sisters.

I think Vi meant all of it. At the time she really did want Caitlyn and the enforcers to kill Jinx. But that's because she's still just as traumatized and guilt-ridden as she was before. She can't deal with the fact that Jinx herself is the real reason she can never get Powder back. And as I said, Vi simplifies things as a trauma response. However if they had actually succeeded in killing Jinx, I think Vi would live in regret and self-hatred forever. What someone wants when they're traumatized and hurt is not what they want forever, and Vi does love her sister.

[majorasnightmare]

as a tragic doomed siblings enjoyer what are your headcannons about dirge/orin's relationship pre-betrayal? care to elaborate on what was going on with them based on what we know? when do u think the resentment from orin rly started peculating?

this is an EXCELLENT excuse to have somethin i can quickly refer to for autosarcophagy thank you 💜💜💜

so a LOT of it is speculation and headcanons with most of our canon sources being close to the end of their pre game interactions with each other. We know Orin resented Durge for taking what she felt was her spot, we know Durge demeaned her ritual murders and scoffed at the idea of fighting her for the role of Chosen, we know Sarevok essentially led Orin on by acting like she was ever anything more than a sacrifice, and we know that the cult of Bhaal isn't entirely pleased with the change in leadership. It's a fairly straightforward tale of resentment and betrayal and an unworthy upstart claiming what shouldn't be theirs out of jealousy, but I like to throw wrenches in the works and add fun complicating emotions in like genuine admiration and sibling affection

a core aspect to Dirge is that, much like real world wolves, he is deeply family oriented. upon arriving at the temple of Bhaal, he has killed his only family, and only has Sceleritas as company, who at this point is more cagey than comforting for him. hes lonely, and scared, and vulnerable, and is coming off a profoundly miserable experience roughing it in Baldur's Gate. the temple delivers on the one form of connection Dirge craves more than anything: not only is there family, there are siblings.

Dirge technically has four siblings waiting for him at the temple. Haflidi, who at this point would be either an older teenager or a young adult, an angry spiteful vindictive barbarian goliath. Ornaryn, a drow vengeance paladin, who IS invested in trying to make sure the Temple's newest additions aren't horrifically traumatized (and near immediately removed from influence and forced to travel to the other side of the continent). Zherimon, the eldest, a tiefling paladin serving as the current head of the cult (begrudgingly). And Orin. Not only is Orin close to his age, she's also the only one who's as happy to see him as he is to see her. His other siblings are all emotionally unavailable for one reason or another, but Orin is here and Orin is excited and now he finally doesn't have to be alone anymore. He latches onto her very quickly, and throughout his entire time with the cult, she's the only one he was ever close to.

Orin is canonically the youngest in the cult to ever achieve the rank of Unholy Assassin, which, given that shes close to Dirge's age, would mean she achieved that lofty goal BEFORE him, and I like to think this is another example of Orin's latent natural talents and skills that eventually contribute to her feeling ignored and overshadowed. Because for at least half of their lives together, it would've been the other way around. Dirge and his prodigy sister, who had already served as Bhaal's mouthpiece once before in the ritualistic killing of her mother. Ironically its a relationship they were both happy with. Dirge arrives at the temple emotionally distraught, but now Orin finally has a playmate her own age, AND hes going to join the temple, same as her! Finally someone she can practice murder with that isn't grandpa Sarevok!

Dirge is a crybaby as a kid, and hes quiet and deferential. This is a new place, with lots of new people (and he's never been fond of new people), and he still feels sick about his parents, but he hits it off with Orin immediately. Orin has a strong mischief streak, emboldened by her shapeshifting, and she ADORES having someone to teach and be superior to. Dirge in turn is happy to have someone who delights in teaching him, because a lot of whats going on is confusing and unintuitive and upsetting. Orin softens his early years of indoctrination into something that could even be construed as pleasant. She excels and pulls ahead, and she bullies her brother for being a crybaby, but she still reaches out behind her to help pull him back up. Orin very much takes on the role of "big sister" even though its a negligble distinction given their circumstances. She teaches him how to delight in torture, makes the doctrine of nihilism make sense, emphasizes that the two of them are special and chosen and important, that they dont have to care what other people think, because theyre stupid and wrong anyways. She diminishes the pain he feels from killing his parents by affirming what SHES been taught, that it was a good and holy and rightous thing and he deserved to be rewarded for it, just like she was (though maybe not the SAME reward because SHES going to lead the temple one day!). Sarevok and Zherimon have already decided on grooming Dirge for the role instead, knowing EXACTLY the difference between them, but both Dirge and Orin are children, whats more important is making sure Dirge is properly indoctrinated, and Orin is very useful for that.

Theyre thick as thieves for most of their childhoods, Dirge perfectly content to trail behind Orin wherever she goes, and to follow her progress right on her heels. Orin definitely has the most energy of the two, and she delights in playing leader, deciding exactly what games the two of them will be playing and where, while Dirge pads along behind her. She gets into the habit of shapeshifting into him for one of her favorite games, that being "find ways to bully and harass the other initiates in the barracks and avoid trouble by making sure no one can tell who's who". As Orins changeling nature is well known, you can never really tell if your looking at Dirge or looking at Orin, who will tell you whichever is more confusing at the moment. As changelings and dopplegangers have empathetic abilities, this also means that Orin is extremely keyed in to Dirge's emotional state. She typically uses this to lightly bully him, but also typically follows that up with attempts at genuine comfort, because a good leader has subordinates happy to follow them, and makes sure theyre taken care of well enough to serve. Theyre siblings, and theyre best friends, and theyre little hellions, and Orin knows every crack and crevice in the temple and where exactly there are spots too small for the grownups to follow them that the two of them can still crawl through. The cult is slowly but inevitably carving away their empathy for the world outside, bringing them into a miserable ideology of death dealing and slaughter, and isolating them from anyone who could ever break them free, but right now they are small and close and she is showing Dirge exactly where to stab in a rats belly to make all the guts come out, and when he scrunches his tiny face in disgust she'll call him all sorts of names, but take his tiny hand in her own and hold the knife together nonetheless

Dirge doesnt resent Orin when she makes rank before him. He doesnt resent Orin when she excels, when she grasps the knifework faster, memorizes the doctrine quicker. He doesnt resent her when she gets assignments first, or when they work together and she takes the lead. Thats the goal hes chasing, after all. To be as good as his sister. To eventually pull ahead. To play chase like they always do. But when he DOES pull ahead, when the lead he has grows but never shrinks, its equal parts pride and confusion. Proud to finally surpass her, confusion that he KEEPS surpassing her. Shes slower to catch up, angrier about it. It isnt resentment, not yet, just frustration. Theres something hes stumbled into that she hasnt gotten yet. More reasons to train together, after all, put their heads together and work it out. But when the cult finally passes down the mantle of leadership, it doesnt pass into Orin's hands, youngest Assassin, pre chosen vessel of Bhaal. For reasons neither of them understand, it goes to Dirge instead. Purest bhaalspawn, severed hand of their God let loose, the one true prophet of armageddon. It doesnt make sense, but hes trained so hard and come so far, he wont dissapoint their Father now. its a bitter pill orin doesnt swallow easily. its there the resentment starts

The gap wont ever close now, not really. Dirge is too neurotic, too anxious and obsessed. He leaves no breathing room for anyone to pick up the slack, because he leaves none, will not ever give the slightest hints of being unworthy. Its suffocating. Diminished, demeaned, forgotten, Orin falls to the wayside, swallowed within an ever lengthening shadow, and he never turns to her, never reaches back. Pushing himself to the breaking point, and then far past it, and now HIS word is law, is doctrine, when it should have been HER, she who spoke with Bhaal's voice when all he has is fleeting visions. The resentment grows, made all the more acrid by the sweet memories of yesteryear. Its like everything shes worked for means nothing, and now he wont even cast a glance her way. Seeing him less and less, and then never as himself, always acting as Leader, Prophet, Idol, everything the cult needed and more, and now when habit rears up and she takes his face to talk to him, he scowls at what he sees. Like the bastard ever had a leg to stand on, she knows what he is, pathetic weak crybaby bloodkin trailing in her wake, acting big and strong now that hes special. Now that hes chosen. Like he knows something she doesnt. Like he could ever know something she doesnt. Grandfather calls him proud, arrogant, and theres no other explanation for the cold she feels from him, inside his skin, its cold arrogant bastard pride for finally besting her at the only game that mattered.

It falls apart slowly over the years. Sarevok, and then Zherimon, instilled in Dirge the need for perfection, to serve as Bhaal's will on earth, and the need for it burrowed deep into Dirge's psyche and consumed everything else around it. He loves his sister. He misses her. But this life is hell and Bhaal's expectations for his chosen spawn are cruel and exacting. All Orin needs to do is what shes always been good at, thats enough. He'll take on everything else so she isnt choked or constrained, so she has room to flourish. He's pulling further and further away from her and it hurts but theres nothing to be done for it, because its Father's will (HIS father, not that he could ever stand to tell Orin, and take from her yet something else, another pillar she stands lofty upon). Shes more than a sacrifice, thats obvious by the way she holds a blade, and Dirge refuses to waste her potential in a single sacrifice to Bhaal, when together they could bring so much more glory to Him at each others sides. He won't take the duel. If she wants for them to kill each other, she must promise a death so glorious as to make this single murder worth more than all the slaughter they could achieve together. The idea is laughable. Somewhere in the back of his mind behind a door that wont stay locked is a treasured sentimental sin, two tiny bodies pressed together in a crevice only barely big enough for them both, outside a man about to be flogged for his failure calls out a name neither of them respond to, and all else is quiet save for the hushed giggles swallowed by the stone. No, she isn't worthy. She isn't worthy by far.

Its a mix of Dirge taking on as much responsibility as he can while leading the cult to give Orin more freedom, and Orin having next to nothing to do with all that extra time and lack of duties beyond ruminating on the discrepancy between them. It feels like she isnt trusted or considered good enough anymore, when she clearly remembers the opposite, and the more he pulls away the more she hates him for it. The resentment is tempered by religious duty and childhood memories, but even though Dirge makes attempts to try and bridge the gap, the circumstances are that there really isnt anything he can do. I like to headcanon that Dirge helped Orin make her skin suit, because he has a noted habit of taxidermy and human leatherworking, as a way to try to reach out to her, but the inertia has built up too much to stop whats going to happen. It was doomed to fall apart at the start, driven by forces neither of them could have even hoped to work against.

The love was always there, but it just made it hurt.

[girlmetalsonic]

something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

I respectfully disagree with your opinion about Lilandra. She and Charles work better together. I really don't like that they spend an entire event trying to get her back so she can end up breaking up with Charles.

Yes, she is her own chatacter, but to say that they should separate from the love of their lives just for character development... is ridiculous.

I think Charles didn't bring it back during the Krakoa era because he couldn't, maybe the council wouldn't allow it or something.

NO breakup!!!! Let them be happy!!! They are happy together. Don't touch them!!!🔪

wanting lilandra to have some independence isn't explicitly saying she and charles should be separated forever (tho i def made it sound like i wanted that My Bad jVLKAEKJ)- i just want that to be an option, yk what i mean

lilandra's sole role in the franchise shouldn't be charles' wife and xandra's mother- she CAN be those things (and i do like her and charles together for the record!!!), and she should also be able to breathe by herself and be a character if charles is absent. charles resurrecting her shouldn't be an automatic right to her either, she's not an item to get back: she's an individual who should be allowed to think about and make a choice

i like them together, im not upset at the concept of them being together. itd be great if charles finally was able to be happy with his family and if charles, seemingly being done with earth, had space adventures with them too. but i dont want that if it means charles' partner isn't an interesting character: both protagonists should keep us invested, not just one.

if the thesis for charles and lilandra is going to be 'they'll always get back together in the end because they love each other' then i just want the story of how they get back together to be interesting and well done and not JUST "because they love each other"