#thats how much hand is hurty

[namedawesomeog]

why hand hurty

[triglycercule]

mtt playing poker but why would they bet with money thats soooo boring boo boo boo no they bet with increasingly worse and concerning things and its fun for some reason

oh theyd LOVE that shit istg. luck and bluff and tells and lies??? god who knows your own lies and deceit better than another version of yourself??? and yet picking up the other two's tells is oh so very hard because theyre not the same anymore than when they were all sans and sometimes they dont even know themselves so how could they pick up on a mirrored version's? it works out a lot more than they think

killer would have no disregard for what he bets. he plays unpredictably and sneakily. probably faking some emotion here and there to get the hasty (horror) confused and concerned about what he could do and then it turns out killer had a fucking ass hand yet he won??? BULLSHIT horror cries out!!!! but dust just picks up the cards on the ground and deals them again and they play another round. sometimes killer purposely loses. why? he dont know its just to throw a wild card into dust and horror's predictions and mayhaps for the reactions

dust is a dirty player he is a fucking CHEATER‼️‼️‼️ phantom paps are his eyes that he uses to spy on killer and horror's hands. would he need to even try anymore at that point when he could easily win every round? well yes because that wouldn't be a fun game and dust wants to have as much fun as he can in this game of lies. he pretends he doesn't know what horror and killer's hands are. they both know. theyre both more than aware of dust's cheating. and that's why their betting starts going against him specifically and then dust has to figure out how to bet them higher while also trying not to fuck himself over

horror's main thing is just to not get fucked over. goddamnit why did he agree to this he's not as open to getting hurt than dust or killer are!!! (but you still agreed anyways?) so he thinks he's the only one to have a real reason to win (because horror no wanna get hurty hurty owww owww painpainpain ouch!!!) maybe he gets too cocky and ends up betting too high because dust or killer had been losing and he wanted to take a chance. maybe that high bet was actually what got him to win?? it's all a game of chance of course and horror'll only show what he thinks after the round's done. when the cards are dealt and the stakes are up he'll just analyze the hell out of the two (don't YOU hate being analyzed??) and tap his fingers on the table over and over

their way of betting would be like: the winner gets to do whatever the other two said as their bets to the betters. like if dust loses and horror wins and he said he could get sucker punched horror is sucker punching the FUCK out of him. but these three argue they fight and bicker and throw gibes and taunts!!! how would they ever agree on what bets are higher and which are lower ⁉️⁉️⁉️ to horror a bet of saying that he'd have to eat something could be like straight hell to him but killer and dust could just put the argument that it doesn't REALLY mean that much (they know it does to horror) and then force him to bet higher because cmon coward you can do better than that!!! dont you want to get some sort of revenge on us if you lose a previous round and win this one??? and other forms of logic like that 4 dust and killer

killer starts off with an absurdly high bet (because he would) like getting to mess with his soul or something. is he sure that dust and horror have losing hands? he doesn't know. and because killer has no form of limit for himself and that's already a high bar to set for dust and horror to reach (if they don't have good hands i think they'd probably want killer to bet lower. but would they tell him??) so damn it horror has to pull out some bullshit fucking bet like he'll allow himself to get hunted down by the two with every trap he's ever set on a human in horrortale (sooo much more psychological thinking and trickery going on without betting money and instead scenarios its SO FUN). and then could dust fold? does phantom paps say he should? it depends on the cards dust has (and what if he doesn't believe paps based on his own assumptions? (paranoid bitch)) and if he can't fold he has to match the bet or go higher and then he comes up with some bogus situation like ok i'll let you guys dress me up in my human's clothes and throw me in an au and have to do what they did (and OH GOD what about if they make a bet that the other 2 wouldn't actually want to do if they win??? if killer won that round with that as dust's bet would he want someone to reenact something similar to what his own human did and have to watch??????)

oops they just got another new set of scars from last week's poker night and another layer of trauma but why the hell are they sitting down at the table again??? idk man i'm just the dealer here trying not to get killed

[tenshindon]

homies be like "how you draw so much how do you spend all day drawin everyday" and ima tell you right now its cause every second of the day i want to see tien content and i am in a desert starving and i’m the only chef around for miles

[clouds-rambles]

hello!~ o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

can i request headcanons for kaeya, diluc, childe, and venti on what they would while their s/o dies in their arms? (if thats okay with u <3)

thank u sm! :))

BESTIE THE PAIN I FEEL RN!!! Omw to make hurt some of my faves hope you enjoy <3

Also guys I’ve been here for a day how are there almost 50 of you following?!

Pairings; (Separate) Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Venti x reader

Warning(s); hurt, big hurty, reader death, vague wound description, cursing, talk about dead bodies

Keep reading under the cut!

Kaeya

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were meant to live forever with him. You were supposed to grow old with him and become a parent to your future children. You were-

“Kaeya” you choke out smiling at your partner above you. The man shakes his head mentally pleading with you to not die “Kaeya I will always be on the wind” you tell him, a shaky, bloody hand raised to his cheek to weekly caress it

“Please” he pleads “Please don’t die on me [name]” you smile at him feeling the breaths in your lungs disappear

“I’m sorry Kae--ya” you apologise before passing away in his arms

He doesn’t move for a long time. He doesn’t feel for a long time. The one person he could share his secrets and his love to gone. Away with the wind

Kaeya doesn’t remember the last time he cried, but he’ll remember this one. 

Your beaten, bruised, broken, dead, and beautiful body slumped in his arms as his tears fall from his face as he feels an absence in his heart

How is he supposed to live on if this is the pain he feels right now?

Jean eventually stumbles upon Kaeya out in the wilds, still clutched to your now cold and even more lifeless body

Jean manages to get the man up with your body held close to his chest

“Jean, I can’t, I can’t let them go” he pleads as if he’s waiting for you to simply wake up in his arms

“Kaeya...” Jean says in a concerned tone having never seen him in such a state, even he seemed to quickly recover from his fathers death

Eventually Jean coaxed Kaeya to go back to the city and leave your body in the hands of the sisters. Where they dressed you up and prepared a funeral service for you

The funeral was larger than Kaeya was expecting, you had affected a many more people than he realised from your small jobs around the city. Kaeya can’t help but be awed at how many people you’ve helped while you were in Mond

The usual chatter of Mondstat is quiet and in a time of grieving for about a week or so, many people have wonderful memories of you and Kaeya seems to be collecting them all, that and bunches of flowers. Many of which find themselves laying on your tombstone as Kaeya tells you about his day

A month passes and it seems like everything's back to normal, Kaeya is back to his outgoing self. He spends more nights at the tavern, but even Diluc doesn’t have the heart to cut him off. 

Jean seems to pick up on the smallest things, goddamnit Jean, the extra nights at the tavern, the eyebags, the weeping she can hear from his room. In it’s own right is heart-breaking, the acting Grandmaster cannot imagine what it’s like to be actually experiencing that kind of pain

-

Diluc

No, not like this

You had both decided that night to join each other in your little vigilante escapade. Which was fine you had both done this before, but tonight resulted in something very different

Here you are, head on Dilucs lap. This could be considered romantic, and often was, were it not for the fact you felt like you choked up a mixture of your lung and your bloody supply

“Diluc” you speak with a much worse for wear voice, the red-head looks into your eyes, eyes already gaining moisture. A similar scene has befallen him before, a Diluc knows how this ends

“Please” he pleads his voice wavering “Please don’t leave me” he chokes back a sob and tears fall off his face the salt hitting your own

“I love you so much” you start, Diluc shakes his head. Must you hurt him so with last words? “Don’t blame yourse-” another set of hacking befalls you as you lose more blood

“Please” he pleads again as the grip you had on his arm goes slack indicating your loss of life

Diluc screams, he cries and he hugs you close. He screams into the air of Mondstat until his voice hurts and he cries until all he’s doing is dry sobbing and he holds you close until you’re broken body is pried from his own broken mind

A wondering Jean heard his screams into the night sky and hereby answered them. She never expected to see Diluc, still in his vigilante getup, crying over your body

She calls for more guards who take your body from his and Jean helps Diluc get back to the estate. At one point during the walk Jean can feel DIluc shaking and hyperventilating. So they stand for a moment, Jean holds and comforts the wine-master before they move again

Jean has never seen such emotion from Diluc before, and she wholeheartedly hopes she’ll never have to see it again. Seeing Diluc so raw and rife with emotion is enough to make anyone cry. And Jean nearly did on more than one occasion.

Your funeral is small, much to Dilucs request and really only were attended by the estate and Jean. Diluc didn’t want to cry again in such a large audience

Though the maids often hear pained sobs coming from Dilucs room as he contemplates and often blames himself for what had transpired. Maids daren’t speak up about what they hear though, Diluc’s pain is more than understandable

Diluc throws himself into work opting to man the bar most days of the week and fighting for the city as often as he can. People around him are more than concerned

Diluc’s stoic nature seems to be intensified now, not wanting to let another person in and die in his arms. He’s seen enough death for his life and wishes not to lose more loved ones

Everything seems to have moved back to what life was before you arrived in your life, depressive, monotonous, boring, mundane for the most part and sad. So very sad

He wishes for a day where his heart isn’t strife with grief, but he doubts that day will not be coming anytime soon

-

Childe

You grin up at him, feeling close to naught pain coming from the gaping wound thanks to the excess of adrenaline that’s pumping through your body

“Childe” you say the smile still on your lips in an attempt at not making the situation as dark and horrific as it is. Childe speaks your name in return

“I love you” you tell him mustering the strength to cup the mans cheek, who immediately nuzzles into it. The situation almost doesn’t feel real to him. He’s going to be shaken awake by a very unwounded you in just a moment and inform him he’s having a nightmare

But that moment doesn’t come. Nor do any words come from you. Your slow rhythms of your heart remind you that he’s still got time, but you’ve expended all your energy. Your smile you’re wearing seems to be dropping

“I love you [name], I love you so much, you are everything I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you” he rambles bringing your body to his chest

“Live for--- me” you sputter out into his chest, a dying wish that Childe isn’t too sure he can uphold. Is it really living if he’s an empty vessel.

You go limp in his arms and he can no longer sense your heartbeat. Death had finally laid claim to you

Childe sits with you for hours, you’d expect him to be wailing like a banshee if you knew his personality but that’s rather not the case. Sobbing quietly is a better word for what happens. Most of his sobs and hacks for air are hidden in your hair. He pulled your body to his shoulder just to weep

Eventually he finds himself mustering the courage to walk back to Liyue Harbour. You firmly held in his arms. He knows that if he walks too plainly the Millelith would pry and ask too many questions for his fragile heart to answer

Childe ends up barging into the wangsheng funeral parlour, which surprises Zhongli a little. He’s about to go on a rant to Childe about how he must book an appointment, until he sees your lifeless body in his arms

The funeral is arranged quickly and neatly. There aren’t many people who attend, Childe is okay with that, he secretly wants to see his family and cry on their shoulder a bit

Instead he opts for a letter, which arrives to the family tear stained and lacking the usual penmanship ‘I’m sorry, you won’t be able to see [name] after all. They passed away not too long ago...’ he basically writes your arbitrary in the letter. And his whole heart is in every word he writes

Determined not to let anybody in Childe finds himself in a pattern, when he’s not throwing himself into battles he’s doing paper work or yelling at his subordinates and when he’s not doing that he’s doing his weekly fight with the traveller. Childe gets next to no sleep and instead opts to reading and rereading every letter and note you’ve ever given him

If Childe passes out at his desk nobody bothers him either in fear of getting yelled at by the harbinger or an understanding of losing a loved one

They never said being a harbinger was fulfilling work. Yet, he let himself believe that he could be fulfilled and content with a lover. What a shameful lie

-

Venti

He’s awfully quiet. He hasn’t experienced death in so long. Especially one he thought would be forever.

He couldn’t even get to you to hear your last words. Ironic isn’t it? He hadn’t heard that guys last words either. And yet this pains him so much more

Sure mortal lives are fleeting but he was certain he had more time with you. More time to see you grow old, more time to put off your inevitable mortality. More time to-

He’s hyperventilating, Venti’s body shakes as he finds nothing to ground himself not even the person he loves so dear is there for him. He feels like he could explode, breaths caught in his throat refusing to surface and come up for air. Despite being an immortal archon, the breaths that refuse to surface don’t fail to make him feel like he’s choking

A bard he is. And one that knows every song from the past, present and future. Suddenly the pained songs from the future make sense to him. He knew what was written. A love lost

Suddenly he finds himself crying and hunched over your deceased form making promises to the wind that he’ll never forget you. Much like he’ll ever forget that bard

He isn’t sure how long has passed but he’s still sobbing over your form, there aren’t many tears left for him to cry but he can’t find himself stopping. He feels like they’ll never stop. 

Maybe he could lay beside you and sleep for another thousand years. But that would only delay the inevitable. The inevitable sinking feeling.

Maybe it was his fault for letting himself fall in love with a mortal, but in the moment he could truly see you living life with him. He could see a marriage, children. He wanted you to have it all.

Damn celestia and all things above for not letting you ascend, at least when he inevitably ascends you’ll be there to greet him. Curse that and your mortality

Jean eventually stumbles upon him during a recon mission to find him covering your body in various flowers, a crown made of cecelias don your head. He’s quiet, but he’s saying goodbye. Who would blame him? Jean doesn’t interrupt him and only wishes you a farewell

News of your death spread around town like wildfire, your grave donned with more flowers than Venti can count. He almost feels bad about not doing a public service after seeing how many people are truly in mourning

Diluc doesn’t push Venti to pay his growing tab no matter how much he should. And Diluc doesn’t say no to Venti singing his happy tunes in the tavern

It feels like his life has retuned to normal. Though Jean can’t help but look out the library window to see Venti sat atop his statue with an expression, as Jean can only guess, of sadness.

Venti finds himself going back to an old schedule again but he can’t miss the nagging feeling of somethings missing. The something being you

Sometimes he half expects you to hug him from behind, or join him up at the statue, or kiss him on his nose, or-

Venti can’t quite comprehend how he feels, he just knows there’s a hole in his heart where you belonged. And he doesn’t want to let anyone find their way into there

He doesn’t want to lose again

It’s happened too much

[jelly-fried-rice]

can,, can i have a matt x nonbinary!reader?? like, where the reader is questioning their gender identity and matt just comforts them? thats all i can think of, the rest can be up to you! ^^

Of course! As someone who is a trans man, I get what it's like to go through a rough gender identity crisis. Especially when you're told by people you can never be the way you feel you're supposed to. Gender is a complex topic, and for the most part a binary social construct. Whatever you feel is your truth, and don't let anyone tell you your identity is invalid because they don't understand.

Nonbinary is a plethora of different identities so I went along the lines of a more fluid and fluctuating identity.

You didn't specify Afab or Amab so I'll keep this as neutral as possible to not lean into any which way keeping it as universal as possible. Matt is trans in this too! So that's nice :]

Matt x Nonbinary! Reader

You're gazing into your boyfriend's hand-held mirror, tugging painfully at the hair on your head in frustration. Too long, people would mistake you as a girl. Too short, people will assume you're a boy. What if you wanted to look like both? Neither? On some days, your appearance felt wrong. Gendered pronouns felt wrong. And on other days, you find comfort in being called sir/ma'am and being seen as a specific identity.

Isolated in the room alone, at any moment you felt like curling up on the inside and crying. Screaming in frustration and confusion. And that's exactly what you did. Letting out the most violent cry you could direct into the nearest pillow.

Nothing ever felt right. And in times like these it was probably better to be alone. After all, you felt like no one would be able to understand or sympathize with your struggle. Just pick something! Anything to fit into what you're supposed to. Things needed to be sorted into boxes and you felt more or less like a soggy, fallen apart cardboard box.

Maybe you were just being overdramatic...

A knock at your door startled you, but you made no move to get up to answer the door nor did you want to raise your voice and answer. You looked like a mess, sounded like a mess. You were a mess. That, and the pinch in your throat after your anguished shout.

"(Y/N)? Love, are you okay in there? I heard one of your... emotinal distress noises."

It was Matt. The most loving man you could have by your side. He understood your struggles. Not entirely, his experience was and would always be different than yours. But just knowing you had someone so significant to you understand a similar struggle so intimately as you did made it easier to confide in someone.

You were in his room, he could have barged in at any time. But he knew how fragile your state was at the moment. It wasn't frequent you had these outbursts, but when you did it put you in a very vulnerable mindset. But he didn't hear any vocal protests so he cracked the door open letting light flood into what felt like your own personal abyss.

You hummed horsely in response to light irritating your eyes, from sitting in complete darkness or the crying was to be debated.

With a sigh through his nose, the ginger gently nudged you aside, rolling you flat on your back. Though you still clutched onto the pillow you yelled into earlier. He decided to sit on an empty portion of the bed and placed a hand on your face gently instead of his usual instinct to curl up at your side and have his arm tug you close to his chest. Matt loathed to see you hurting this way. And the fresh tears he felt on your face stung his heart.

Matt hesitated, he was never the best with comforting someome so upset. But you were his partner, he had to come up with something even if it wasn't much.

He took a breath and cleared his throat, "We don't have to talk about it, you know that. Just reassuring you. But no matter what you're thinking, I'll be here for you through all of it. Every decision you decide for yourself I'll back you up. I know you're hurting. But don't ever think of hurting alone."

You used your hand that wasn't busy clutching your pillow and pressed his hand more firmly to the side of your face.

"I'm so tired of the confusion Matty, so fucking tired. I don't want to be so unsure of who I am and what I am. I need something to label these feelings," you finally let out. You were now looking into your boyfriend's eyes, searching for any comfort and familiarity. In times like this you needed something to ground you to at least remind you that something is stable. Matt is stable. He's your rock.

Ocean blue eyes were soft, gazing into your own burning (e/c) ones. The moment he gave one of his reassuring smiles you knew you'd be fine. Though his smile was likely awkward, it warmed your heart. This was just another tough evening.

"Who said you needed to label these feelings right away? Figuring out yourself is part of growing as a person, we do it all the time. This is no different. Why rush to sort yourself out when you can just enjoy and feel what you want?" He used his thumb to wipe away what tears were left, his presence already stopped the waterworks rushing beforehand.

"At the end of the day," he leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead. You could feel his smile cool your skin. "You're you no matter what identity you take. You can change whatever you want about your presentation but what matters most is the person on the inside. And damn to hell anyone that tells you that you need to identify a certain way to feel complete."

[gobstoppr]

a ramble about . having hand and wrist pain that all started hitting me at once .theres no real thesis i just have been thinking about shit . happy disability awareness month .

god for what, over 4months now , ive had chronic hand/wrist pain thats made it fucking frustrating as all hell to do . the things i want to do . i cant play games for hours at a time . i can barely draw for over 30 minutes at a time without a break (oftentimes i have to take breaks long before that point) . i cant scroll on my dash forever since even with the keyboard shortcuts it strains over time (sidenote but CHRIST can i just . but a bookmark on a point on my dash. i want to come back there later and scroll from there . iwant the site to stop lagging ). everything i do i have to consider how bad my bones will hurt from it and if i can do it, if its something i can adjust to make easier on my hands, if its something worth 'wasting' what i call my 'hand stamina' for the afternoon. like oh if i play video game then i wont be able to draw or do shit for like at least 30min .

ive gone to the doctors. ive gone to the tests . its not carpel tunnel they say ! thank you for clearing that option after 3.5 months of pain. now i get to do more trial and error tests to see what i have . ive finally gotten at least like. the orders to let me get physical therapy so hopefully that can help . just side note i fucking HATE decentralized medical care holy SHIT why cant this info just be fucking shared between u guys . i wait 2 weeks between getting to go into the doctor and say 'yea mate it still fucking hurts' so they can give me a different appointment 2 weeks later and so on . its so much fucking treading water . weve been over this bullshit . why do i have to wait 2 weeks to see the dr for 10 minutes and then figure out an appointment . i just fucking . god .

i have to go to college in a month . im not going to be better in a month . im definetly never reaching what was once 'normal' condition for a long time . its . its hard to think about that shit . i feel like ive been trapped ykno.

i remember . for about 3 months. starting in late september 2021. i was having an absolute fucking blast . i had spamton brainrot . i could pump out several small doodles a day, sometimes multiple cleaned up/colored sketches, every couple weeks i might make a fully finished piece . i could spend hours upon hours just. doing what i loved . drawing silly guy who i liked . seeing what the other people in my community were doing . art, creativity is a conversation to me. i see peoples works, i get inspired, i want to create, even if i don't have anything in particular to say at that moment . it doesnt matter i have no ideas for posing or anything . i wanted to create . and i created .

i could be in my element . have this conversation . this feedback loop of inspiration . a constant improvement to my own skills as i just enjoyed art how i enjoy art . i'm mad at myself for not taking more breaks. im mad at myself for not fucking stretching all these years . but i will never regret my time . it was worth every second . and even if im not always interacting with everyone i met thru that time, im forever thankful for getting to meet all of them .

this is sounding a bit mopey huh . ok some quick advice then for this sorta shit in general.

for one . yes i know its fucking hard . but please just stretch a lil sometimes . even just learning one or two u can do pretty consistently can help u get going . this page has alot of good ones.

two . get yourself a good dumbass friend to watch stupid cartoons with you . yes im serious . if it were not for having my sister this summer to watch anime for children i would have gone insane with boredom whenever my hands hurty so i cant do shit . find yourself some bullshit to binge and laugh at . highly recommend the yokai watch dub of seasons 1+2 . good head empty but very entertaining shit . incredible for passing the time

three . find shortcuts for doing smaller straining tasks udont really think about . for example, theres the more prominant things like using keyboard shortcuts to navigate ur dash, but then theres stuff like realizing . oh trying to cut my sandwich with a knife is a kinda weird strain and because the bread is so soft its hard to cut super easily . so now i just . tear my pb+j up with my hands to cut it . jsut rip it . its not fucking worth the nonsense

yeah ok i think im out of things to say for now but yea. fucking hands huh . take care of yourselves gamers . i apologize if this is a bit gloomy

[simptasia]

Could you please insult Jack?

insult jack? jack shephard? well, gosh, i guess i could try but im sorry if i don't have much to say... [smiles deviously]

why are you so big large you're freaking me out [squishes him into a tiny box and hands it to kate] for safe keeping

the way he expresses himself is like he's a sim testing out animations. he looks like feels every emotion before saying anything. he genuinely comes across like his actor is on coke

fuck your buzz cut and fuck your chest hair, i believe in long(er) hair + shaved chest jack supremacy

perfectly fine with using a spoon that kate sucked on right in front of him. you sick fuck, you liked that didn't ya?

the scene with richard and the dynamite is genuinely terrifying. you're scaring richard! stop that!

that bit where he blows up a bunch of trees to make a point that they have the ability to blow stuff up now but like. bitch you just wasted a bunch of the explosives. limited supplies, fuckhead

jack's main tattoos are a bunch of stupid looking nonsense and i'd forgive that if there wasn't a fucking EPISODE DEDICATED TO THEM. charlotte didn't get a centric episode but jACK'S TATTOOS-!!! [starts foaming at the mouth]

the poor reception of that episode was so bad that it's the reason the abc were like "okay you're only getting 6 seasons". like thats a good thing and a bad thing, it's a mixed bag but thats not my point. my point is a jack episode was SO BAD that the abc was like "okay fuck this, we're cutting you off, here's your deadline" BRUTAL

season 5 jack and large chunks of season 4 jack can go straight in the fucking bin. that there be the Cunt Jack Zone, my friends

sometimes jack looks directly at the camera and i feel pain

his voice is very high and whiny which makes the parts where he's insufferable even worse

none of us can look at angel hair pasta the same way

he has the aura of a grown adult who enjoys a glass of plain milk

your beard is bad and you should feel bad

"if i was checking you out, you'd know it" he says leaning confidently against a tree. what the fuck does that even MEAN. how is that a flex!!! also you were??? you were dopey zoned out staring at kate's ass (fair) and she clearly liked that, why are you disputing it?? im not saying they should started fucking against that tree, but holy fuck jack doesn't get flirting

basically jack has the social skills of a turnip. there are just. too many examples to list. everything. all of it. six seasons

Jack Shephard Bullies A Depressed Disabled Man For Six Seasons Cringe Complication

yeah dan tried to set off a hydro bomb to bring back his love interest, i've made fun of that, but at least thats like noble. jack's reason is so fucking immature: set off hydroden bomb because my girlfriend broke up with me and it hurts too much so i'd rather erase our entire relationship than feel heart hurty. like dan is being grossly irresponsible to save somebody's life, jack is being grossly irresponsible because WAAAAAHHHHHH

theres CPR and then theres beating people back to life

holds a pathological fury against the mere concept of belief, as if doctors don't see miraculous things on a regular basis

i'm sorry but his ears are weirdly small for his head

he's not cool and at no point will he ever be cool

yelled in hurley's face, scaring him. and some crimes can never be forgiven [cocks shotgun]

look, theres nothing in canon that suggests this but nothing that disputes it either: i just don't think he's good at Fuck

record for shortest term as Island Protector at less than a day! [presents him with a tiny trophy made out of tin foil]

honestly do i really even need to insult jack when there's a scene where he's sobbing into his steering wheel while led zeppelin plays. just picture that. i can't make him more pathetic than that moment

i could continue. and i will in small chunks, as i always have. but this feels,, [short of breath] this feels like enough

[kyovtani]

ASKS

hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33

BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE

– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset! 

BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!

AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH

OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!! 

OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2

AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!! 

HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2

thank you for the food <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!

YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this

I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!

OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY

Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr

THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((

Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing

Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!

the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.

honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33

The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!

@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN

THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH 

UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔

YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH

@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)

AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33

pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵

thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much

bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^

thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah 

zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔

believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3

I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!

Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to

THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !

Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱

THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah

Wait did he do anything with Sora?

nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!

YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭

i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it! 

@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.

✌🏼&💜

—sora—

aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!

@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH

AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM 

How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though

oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it! 

AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️

thank you so so so much baby!!<33

U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U

AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH 

I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰

sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3

Hana is a baddie

SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3

@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness

YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3

I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!

-💕 a very satisfied reader

thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!

i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞

NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!

i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me

pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side  😌

[coughsyrupcowboy]

Yall realize that like ur responsible for yourselves right?? That you dont choose to be depressed but youre choosing to stay depressed. No one can save you. Your knight in shining armor doesnt exist. Its you whos in charge of you recovering and seeking help. No one can force you into maintaning good coping mechanisms and no one is in charge of making sure your stable. It is your job to take care of yourself and realize your in the middle of a spiral and to seek help or support or deal with it yourself.

Honestly, you guys just romanticize being depressed so much. Like your pain ismt poetic and youre not doomed. Fucking get help. Depression is treatable but it wont magically go away. Its hard work. Youre going to get your perverbial hands dirty. And you are the only one capable of fixing this.

Your friends arent at fault when you relapse into depression and didnt notice. And if they are the reason, get new friends. They arent your therapists and you know what on that note therapists arent mind readers. You have to talk to them!!! If a therapist reads you and says "yeah no ur a crusty bitch that needs to drink some water and bathe once a week," fucjing listen to them. A therapist isnt going to fix you. They are simply coaching you to become a healthier you.

No one is responsible for your actions. No one is responsible for you abusing yourself. And let me fuckin break that down for you depressed bastards. You are abusing yourself when you either allow yourself to spiral and then drink yiur sorrows away, cutting or burning urself, sitting in a dark room and refusing to talk to anyone and not batheing and only eating oatmeal and watching bojack horseman for days on end, self-depreciation jokes, ect.

If your friend tells you about how the guy shes with is forcing her to drink when she doesnt want to, or how shes not allowed to have friends, or that shes forced to be in a room and only allowed to eat dry cereal and isnt allowed to bathe, or that he hits and cuts her, or that he calls her a piece a shit and makes jokes at her expense in front of his friends........what would you tell her?

Youre going to tell her that hes abusing her right? Its not her fault shes getting abused because she is the victim here and the abuser has powet over her. But you cant force her out of that relationship right? You cant make her break up with her shitty boyfriend. Because you are not responsible for her and its not healthy for either of you for you to be responsible for her. You just gave to wash your hands of the situation and support her and let her know that this isnt healthy.

Now imagine this abuse wasnt being made by a second party. Your friend is doing this all to themself. She is hitting and cutting herself, shes calling herself trash and making jokes about how shes better off dead, shes forcing herself to drink when shes sad, shes making herself sit in a dark room and only eating dry cereal. These are all things that if done by another person, still qualify as abuse. So put this in perspective:

When you are activly hurti g yourself and making fun of yourself and refusing to take responsibilty of your own actions and try to get better, you are abusing yourself and you are both the abuser and the victim. You are able to get out of this unhealthy relationship by getting your fucking shit together and stop abusing yourself. Because all you have is yourself and no one is here to save you from you.

AND ANOTHER FUCKING THING!!! its not funny when you wanna kill yourself. Uts both serious and the most humorless thing you can say. Do you get kicks out of watching the schoolyard bully make fun of some kid?? Probably not unless ur fucking weird or a jerk. So why would anyone think ur funny when you point at a trash can and say oh thats me or joke that youre better off dead? Youre not being funny

And dont @ me with that stupid ass shit about how youre just joking and it doesnt mean anything. Like i get its a coping mechanism but so is cutting or drinking and theyre all bad coping mechanisms. Its real in the same way as a dude making racist jokes is racist. He may not realize hes beign racist and is racist but hes saying things he either already believes or eventually will. You joking about killing yourself is why you want to kill yourself. You literatly are getting death threats as a coping mechanism.

In conclusion, youre responsible for your own fucking dysfuction and you can either wallow in ur fucjing mysery and never get better and be a piece of shit that blames others for their own mistakes or you can grow the fuck up and be responsible for you and how you treat yourself. Drinking more water and going to sleep at a certain time isnt gonna cure you but goddamn if it doesnt help. Doing and saying depressing things makes you depressed.

[obannthepunished]

uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains

"They call me eagle-eye fjord where i come from." "maybe raven. i dont know." that theory about Fjord being the Hawker is suspicious rn (Apparently theres a third i missed whoops) sam apparently similar thoughts maybe bc Nott brings it up

Jester finally teaching kiri basic phrases, like "go fuck yourself"

Beau + Fjord taking first watch

Caleb checking out the dodecahedron

(Unrelated odd point: i have a current dislike/distrust for liam, which is bullshit bc... i love liam. and caleb and vax. but apparently smt is wrong.)

Dodecahedron is Very Old, and has been shaped/polished Cay uses the haversack as a pillow

BEAU/FJORD Beau: "I think I messed up. I think I should apologise." I HURT? Oh beauregard. oh marisha. "i wanna try, I guess" F: I think he deserves that. He's been good to us. i regret not writing fic now 8(

"OOH, terrible" "YEP." "five" "five" (collective "ooh")

Nott + Jes second. they roll not great.

Tinkle tinkle "nnhnohfishnott"

Kiri is poofed up asleep aAW

trident goin for FRUMPKIN NOOO (pause whilst they look for range on dismissal)

Kiri wakes up "Go fuck yourself :("

Theyre waiting for fish head they could just reappear Frumpkin tho...

Jester is sacred flaming, Molly has a sword active + stabs, Caleb fire bolt, Nott fires an arrow, Fjord eldritch blast, Yasha stabby

Molly + Nott + Caleb miss Fjord hits, Beau hits, Yasha hits dunno bout jes

frumpkin poofs back but doesn't see anything else.

???? alarm lasts 8 hours, not until triggered yall it should still be up. they need to look up the spells smh

Nott messaging to tell yash to hide the bodies

LAst watch is Yash and Caleb i need to stop shortening names

Caleb asks Yasha for people advice :') He's writing it down... i love him Yashas advice is basically "Fucking Bathe" And cay confirms he keeps himself gross because people ignore him more that way 8( Baby

C: "Do you know what i miss? shaving." Y: "I could shave you right now with my sword. I've done it before, you know, to... not have hair on my arms-" Omg shes doing it omg theyre doing it omg I DONT HAVE TO DRAW FACIAL HAIR IN MY FANART ANY MORE FUCK <3333

cay forgets he has a dagger jesus fucking christ

i love everyone making comments + taliesins just amazed like, borderline heart eye emoji look at this whole scenario

M: (to Caleb) "Well done, she [yasha] likes you!"

Nott is Not Happy About Water N: I'LL STAY WITH KIRI everyone else: Convincing her to come N: I'll stay with kiri, and if there's any trouble... we'll see what happens

Fjord goes first, he sees, with his 60ft darkvision, architeture of room. mistly natural, some bits not.

Fjord botches his stealth roll but matt botches his perception even worse. and my thing crashed im so mad.

Fjord is Not a good swimmer. hes like. 30ft swimming speed. Things being left: Caleb's books (2) Molly's coat

travis willingham going "kiris gotta die" then dragging everyone who gasped through the dirt

beau gets fucking 37 on her stealth check Matt: "That's some vax numbers right there!"

The visual aid is... so extra. lights. smoke. what the fuck matthew. (note: when ur best friend is called matthew this is a phrase you say too much)

Surprise round for erryone but Molly and Yasha (purrsonally, i think they were too busy talking abt how beautiful cay is now ;3c)

everyone rolled shite for initiative tho

Caleb casting haste on molly O:

Fjord is very very adept at everything

everyone on crit role can do maths better than me 8(

the marrow fuck beau and fjord royally

watching call lightning forming + marishas face as she slowly realises :)

jes gets the first hdywtdt + crushes a fish with a lollipop

Caleb is taking blind potshots with the glove of blasting boyy. One even hits!

moll gets 3 attacks i love my beautiful devil child

N: Are you guys alive and do you need anything? you can reply to this message~ C: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK N: oh,, alright.

Taliesin's relief when ashley actually hits is very good.

Beau goes down! D:

hi unrelated taliesin sticking his tongue out at sam fills me with indescribable joy

NEW: Horny twink gets double penetrated by feisty wet ones.

... which is to say two fish dudes stab molly.

Jes heals Beau, but we all know fine fucking well if she hadn't, Yasha would have done it on her next turn. still might since she's only on 11

Cay using dispel magic O:

Molly gets the second hdywtdt "I'm literally just a windmill at this point"

FJORD gets the third F: "I see Molly loojin' around, give him a little wink-" (murders) M: Fucking arsehole F: (witty comment) PEACE OUT (blinks out again)

"Sevens are scary" - Taliesin

Yash gets the next hdywtdt Xorhasian Neck Tie Jesus christ

I was right tho Yasha was seriously considering healing beau, it just takes her action

Two more fishfucks 8(

More call lightning

Sams flask says "lost my best friend over a bowl" and that hurtie

caleb is boutta die. Yasha is boutta die first lmao oh no. i love taliesin jaffe an inhuman amount. Yash gets pulled OVER beau and marisha makes like grabby hand motions which is VERY cute

ok NOW caleb boutta die. he Shield's, and then fragments "Caleb will remember this"

Beau looks at Yasha, looks at Caleb, and goes to CALEB (sobs) blasts a ki point and everything

Molly gets a nat 20 oh he's such a babe

Nott spending her turn justifying herself to Kiri

Fjord blinks back in and fucks up ANOTHER fishfuck

Yasha casting healing hands on HERSELF good.

"You dont have a printout of your character sheet????" "Oh yeah I do after you asked me nine times" liam wh

both yash and caleb are at ONE hp

B, spening her last ki point: HEYCALEBWESHOULDTALKLATER

Beau gets the HDYWTDT tho

Molly is Very Sick from losing haste

Caleb goes the fuck down Fails his first save

everytime tal says "im gonna try something weird"  i heart eyes emoji shame he cant do jack fuck though

Nott Burning Bolt shoots the fishfuck for 24 damage jeeeeez doesnt die but drops lightning

Fjord: (appears, fails, disappears)

if Caleb permadeaths i WILL cry

PLEASE YASHA PLEASE GOD JESTER PLEASE THEY KILL IT IM CRYING SO HARD no like literally i am actually crying bc matt very deliberately did that so that he didnt kill Caleb

Jester uses her pearl of power to regain a slot, and use it to cast prayer of healing for SHIT rolls.

Jester goes back to Kiri <333 baby. baby bird.

Matt mercer keeps using words ive only ever seen written and im ALWAYS ???? about their pronunciation

Fjord finds some L00t Like boxes and longswords and a pool of water with dozens of metallic objects mostly outlawed diety symols. changebringer moonweaver. others i forgot. stormlord. everlight. asmodeus ooh, bane strife emperor. and tiamat.

"a little black bird that's fluttering to try and get dry" fuck thats so damn cute. Marisha has the :D face

Calebs books are dry

wooden box + pool are magic. like. WITHIN.

Enchantment in the box. Molly collecting the moonweaver pieces

JESTER FINDS TWO SYMBOLS FOR THE TRAVELLER? HOLY SHIT Different make, pure silver one, burnished bronze another door arch with the road

Molly gets 12-13 symbols

Nott mage hands just so good even drunk

in the box is a blade, gold, jewel encrusted Molly shoves Nott aside to get it cause its a scimitar style

Caleb finds the arch-heart symbol? Takes one

Yasha takes 4 symbols for the storm god.

Bane/strife emperor symbol Fjord is curious about chained coffin he throws it into the pool. nothing happens.

JEster goes to pll it out and gets a big catseye yellow gem,  magical, but not a school of arcane magic. it has a line groove in it, very deliberate, an oval.

"something about that [orb] is very familiar"??? (Matt to Travis)

i was right about the orb being familiar

C: (abt the gold sword) This blade is called Summer's Dance C: "Mr. Mollymauk," M: "Mr. Caleb."

Blade allows user to cast Blink basically, and is stronk

official-europa replied to your post: uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains “They...

i think its probably misty step and not blink 

official-europa replied to your post: uhhhhhh notes HURT WEEK im pains “They...

on the sword i mean

caleb tries to ID the orb

fjord touches it "sky is moonlit + cloudless, clothes not your own, nor body, overcoat + human skin. thick calloused skin. left hand stone. look down, see body of previous owner, dead in blood. natural landmass seawater night. flash. right hand grasps falchion. voice booms. potential. jams the stone into gut, cCONSUME. vanishes into belly. looks into water. REWARD." "Vandrin."

i dont kn ow what the fuck is going on.??? everyone else sees this o shit

oh shit is the eye the symbol of Fjord's patron?

"he was my mentor, a captain of mine. a man named Vandrin." Y: What happened to Vandrin? F: I'm not sure. he captained the ship i worked on for many years, and their was an incident. an explosion, terrible weather, waves, "i was knocked overboard" when f woke up he was back on shore

"how did you survive" "I'm not entirely sure."

explosion was sabotage.

the pool is saltwater.

Molly shoves Fjord's head into the water

comes up "You okay???" "Do it again" "Tap three times when you're done!" Fjord drowns

they take as much as possible up and out and decide to dynamite everything in. dramatic exit..

They take the bodies down and lay them in the swamp to rest and decompose.

Beau tries to pull Caleb aside and he just stonewalls her until she actually apologises.

Caleb "I give beauregard a hug and say 'idont know what im doing. just. go with it." BEau very AWKWARDLY hugs him back Beau consulting Fjord, Caleb consulting Yasha The entire other side of the table clapping.

Beau: UH. GOOD TALK. FRIEND. (awkward silence) Beau: Seriously though. Friend? (pause) Caleb: Uh. Ja. (brb dying)

there is a single yellow eye on the hilt of the falchion.

episode END

[lalorrunningclub]

MELBOURNE MARATHON 42.2km Race Recap by Cameron Jenkins....all the way from sunny QLD.

Wow, what a weekend Melbourne Marathon was for all involved. The laughs, the struggles, and the pure enjoyment of seeing all the smiles on the LRC faces, who'd wanna be anywhere else?

Training for my second ever marathon happened almost immediately after Gold Coast half where I had just come off a massive PB. I had gotten a proper running coach a few weeks before (Tash Fraser - winner of GOR 60km and the recent Tan 50K ultra) and training was a mix of speed and longer distance runs.

Since moving up to the Gold Coast with the family, training started to go downhill fairly quickly. It even culminated in a DNF in a half marathon 3 weeks prior to Melbourne Marathon, and I was quickly becoming quite concerned that this marathon idea was a real stupid one. Even though my speeds had been good, the endurance was lacking and I was very hit and miss as to whether I could run 5km+ or go strong for 20km - 30km.

I had gone above and beyond to try and figure out what was wrong, including: - Getting an official sweat test done. Figures came back at losing 2.5 litres per hour, and 800mg of sodium, so I know now my electrolytes and water intake requirements for the long runs - Going and seeing the sports doctor of the Gold Coast Suns to get blood tests to see if anything would show up why I was getting random head fades - Having a Skype call with a very well respected Sports Scientest in the US who pioneered the OFM (Optimised Fat Metabolism) program I am following

Even 2 weeks up until Melbourne Marathon I was still struggling with some runs and had to pull them short at 6km mark and I was getting really worried. But after taking some magnesium and Vitamin D, things started to turn around relatively quickly and the week before I had some renewed confidence that I could nail this run and get that sub 4h goal.

One of the things I like to do before every race is list 4 goals of various difficulties, and for this race it was: 1) Finish the marathon 2) Finish without walking at any stage 3) Sub 4h00m 4) Sub 3h45m

The whole fam flew in to Melbourne on Friday, and we had so much to do that I never really had time over the next couple of days to overthink what needed to be done. It was awesome seeing some familiar faces at Lalor Parkrun on the Saturday (sorry Team Radovic, I promise we will do Mernda one day!), and it was even more awesome receiving a phone call from our marshall about 15 minutes into the run who was ranting that the guy who ended up winning was running too fast for his liking.

Race day came, we got up early for the third day straight. 2 scrambled eggs were consumed, and a small coffee from Maccas was grabbed along the way. We found our car park that Ciaran had so beautifully scouted during the week, and started to make our way to the start line. Some pre race special fuel called Vespa was taken in 45 minutes before the run, and a really slow 10 minute warm up 30 minutes before the race was due to start.

And so 7 am came about, and I got to wave to the fam and the LRC Offical Awesome Babysitter (aka Karen Carberry) for the last time before the finish line. The focus was a slow and steady start, as I'm known to go out like a dog chasing a rabbit at the start of some races and then blow up after about 10km.

Before I had even been able to complete the first km, my first challenge came up. Some douchebag who was passing people quickly had gone past me then turned back and muttered something, so I asked him what he had said and he was criticising me for looking down at the ground instead of looking up at where I was running. Now I would normally start to get a bit of a rage on at those kind of moments, but I shrugged it off and just and kept running so I could focus on the task at hand.

I have to admit the first 21km was a bit of a breeze, running at a nice solid 5:15/km pace and the heart rate remained under 170bpm which is where I wanted it to be. I had seen both Ciaran and Vincent twice on the course which was great to see and gave me a bit of a boost.

Running down Beaconsfield Parade, I could see that the 3:40 pacer was only a few hundred metres in front of me, and I guess I was doing some calculations in my head and thinking the 3:45 goal might have been on the cards. But by the 30km mark, and starting to run back up St Kilda Rd with a little bit of elevation, things started to slow down a little.

The head was fine, but the body was starting to struggle and by the 36km mark my pace had dropped and I knew the Tan was still left to complete. The left ankle was super sore, the legs were tired and cramp was coming on, I was thirsty as hell but I knew that there was the LRC team waiting for me just outside the G and also inside the G, and so I kept plodding along. I was forced to walk in places, which meant I had immediately missed out on one of my goals, but that sub 4h00m was still on the cards and so after 250m of walking I picked up the pace again. This happened a few times in sections around the Tan, especially some of the climbs as I wanted to be able to run out the last km and a bit.

And finally I had reached Jolimont Drive and seen all the chalk markings that Kaz Agnew had laid on the ground, and that was it. I knew I couldn't stop now! I turned the corner onto Brunton Ave, and I kept looking for the LRC cheer squad. Out the front of the Mantra they said, but they weren't there! Where the hell are they I kept thinking... and there you were just at the start of the grass, 3 of you guys on the right hand side to give me a high five. I look back at my Strava pace details and I reckon thats about the fastest point of my race from the time I saw the LRC cheer squad to the finish line and I had looked down at my watch and seen the 3h49m time. I saw the fam in the stands, and raised the finger in the air, and then did a jumping fist pump just before the finish line. A new PB by over a hour!

After the race I was completed knackered. You'd think that after the marathon that the most hurty part would be like the legs or something like that, but nope I couldn't raise my left arm for some reason and got some panadol at the medical tent.

My dad and my sister had come into the G to see me finish over the finish line, and it was overwhelming being able to hug everyone including my beautiful supporting wife who knows how much effort I've put in to drop 45kgs and get into the shape of my life.

2 out of 4 goals achieved, which just means I now need to come back again next year and grab the other 2 🙂 Thanks once again LRC, what an absolutely awesome community we have.