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ectonurites · 4 years ago

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can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998.

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him.

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin.

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...)

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time.

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right.

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

#Anonymous

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b00ket · 3 years ago

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Its been a hot sec since ive done a just text post, so in an attempt to not feel pressure to post art every time I want to drop lore…

✨ Lucas is a dipshit and this is why people don’t like him ✨

Okay this is going to need some context but

Lucas’ presence makes people go on guard, they’re uncomfortable and awkward around him. Even if he is being extremely nice people who have lived there for more than even a year are nervous when he’s in the general area.

Occasionally some people feel threatened enough by his presence to try attacking him, sometimes he just takes it, other times he doesn’t. He’s still a very easy dude to set off.

He’s only been working his job at the docks for just a year. Trying to shake off his reputation has proven extremely difficult.

Family tidbits (this is relevant I swear)

His father, Bekarys Karimov, was well loved by the city, hosting soup kitchens on a regular basis and being known for giving away so much free food. His restaurant often doubled as a safe haven for criminals after dark. People generally knew him as the nice food guy with all those kids.

Lucas’ 2 aunts, Uuliinyagaansetseg and Sarnai Karimov,were constantly organizing and attending protests against Lucio’s rule and helped set up secret words to avoid Lucio’s spies around the city (particularly the marketplace). Most people did just think of them as gossipy and bringing guards to the streets. Also we’re annoying to talk to and had many rumors swirling around them.

Temujin Karimov, the eldest sibling, was entrenched in the Red Market. All sides of it, from the light selling of goods to the nastier side of it. He was a man of secrets and was considered more dangerous as time went on. Needed someone killed, got some nasty narcotics to transport? Hes your guy. Him and his gang of crime buddies are particularly responsible for almost all the bad connotations the Karimov name holds OUTSIDE of Lucas.

Okay actually onto Lucas:

So for the 1st 12ish years of his life Lucas was actually pretty well liked. The most shy out of all the Karimov kids and not known for being social he was a pretty blank slate. Most people mainly knew about him finding his sister in that canal, so pity was given to him. He definitely went more inward with himself as time went on, notably looking just distant most of the time.

The public execution of his aunts is when things started going downhill. Their execution was a big deal, and brought all those bad rumors and talk about them back into the city streets.

Lucas is a protective shit, ESPECIALLY with his family. Talk shit get hit as they say. Lucas walking the streets hearing you talk bad about any of his siblings is going to cause a fight.

That defensive fighting just kinda devolved into fighting all the time. He walked around with a “im going to beat your ass” vibe. Glaring at everyone and being generally disrespectful to anyone that isnt his family. (Lots of reasons behind him being like this that I dont have time to dive into)

So 15 is when his little brother died. This particular death broke the family a little and Lucas got the brunt of it (cause the family did agree it was his fault). Verbally and physically abused, kicked out for days at a time, he was homeless as often as he was at home.

By this point Lucas had been labeled the problem child, a walking bomb of anger that will steal your shit and beat your ass. (An exaggeration but rumors tend to do that) No one really wanting to help him when he was out of the house just made his anger worse.

He was fortunately liked by most orphans and acted as a occasional older brother. (He always had a prep bag at home full of food he snuck off in case he was kicked out, most of that food did go to those orphans)

He did get a small gang that, after Jargal’s death in the coliseum, went full ham in vandalizing Lucio’s shit around Vesuvia and messing up the Heart District.

So here’s the big thing, HE WAS A GLADIATOR. 4 years of being an executioner of MANY did not help his relationship with the people.

Thats cut and dry, he escapes and is under his Temujin’s care. And Temujin is shit and helping him, he hasnt even touched his own issues he cant help with whatever hes going on. Any tries he made just made things worse tbh.

Lucas during and after gladiator times is just mute. Temujin’s few attempts to just take him out into the public backfired hard enough for him to just keep Lucas at home and only take him out when he’s doing his job with his gang.

Last family members DIE, Lucas is torn up and is puppetted by Temujin’s old friends into being the muscle for them when they went out to gamble.

So in conclusion

Lucas hasn’t been an active threat on the streets for around a year. His name is synonymous with danger and people react accordingly.

He tries to be nice and kind, not to notice the looks and mood shifts when he enters a room but its hard.

The docks and ash beach are the only places he doesn’t feel completely ostracized. The orphans are mostly too young to feel in danger around him. Plus he brings them food.

He doesn’t want to get in the way or make people uncomfortable. Only shopping either late at night or early morning. He takes back alleys to limit interactions.

It doesn’t always work, some dude attacks him out of fear or anger at the things he’s done. Not sure if he should just be passive and take the beating or letting his anger get the best of him is a battle.

#lucas karimov #its angst hours baby

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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gunmetalgrey-trashpile · 4 years ago

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SMS [ bucky ] : for @diabolicaltendencies

SMS [ bucky ] : i know everything about him, more than anyone SMS [ august 📷 ] : but good luck kicking my ass, id like to see it

SMS [ bucky ] : ive fucked over bigger people than u pal dislocated my brothers shoulder and he’s 6.3 u even got two shoulders?? SMS [ bucky ] : height isnt everything i got one and a half SMS [ bucky ] : so that’s half the job done right there Ur literally fighting with an arm tied behind ur back bro SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah and ill still beat you ask august abt that SMS [ bucky ] : fat chance loverboy even my fucking ex was bigger than u and I put him in A&E U fought Auggie?? u really do have a death wish SMS [ august 📷 ] : we didn't fight fight but i can beat him at armwrestling so ill take my chances with you SMS [ bucky ] : he’s got a heart probably did it bc he felt bad 4u SMS [ august 📷 ] : oh no this was a fair fight SMS [ bucky ] : says who SMS [ august 📷 ] : me and if you ask august, him too SMS [ bucky ] : ill yell at him through the door although maybe he’s not so strong he hasn’t broken it SMS [ august 📷 ] : im rooting for him to kick it down i just think itd be fun but yeah see what he says SMS [ bucky ] : i will kill you and dump ur body off a bridge SMS [ august 📷 ] : you wish i liked it better when you werent threatening murder SMS [ bucky ] : tough titties SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah i guess so SMS [ bucky ] : he won’t reply I think he might be sulking SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah well you stole his phone SMS [ bucky ] : that doesn’t make him special i don’t have a phone what was I supposed to do SMS [ august 📷 ] : get a phone of your own? SMS [ bucky ] : gross -100 why would you even suggest that SMS [ august 📷 ] : because thats what normal people do SMS [ bucky ] : what am I then Choose ur next words carefully SMS [ august 📷 ] : not normal SMS [ bucky ] : :middle_finger1: SMS [ august 📷 ] : you asked for it and i was nice SMS [ bucky ] : I am a GIFT My presence is a PRESENT You are lucky to have any of my time thank you very much SMS [ august 📷 ] : am i? i mostly remember being interrogated SMS [ bucky ] : not everyone gets that pleasure ok SMS [ august 📷 ] : do other people keep a closer eye on their phones? SMS [ bucky ] : you’d think so but no I’m pretty sure my brother has a fake one as he’s less bothered about it SMS [ august 📷 ] : which one? but it seems likely, if this is something you do a lot SMS [ bucky ] : the politician don’t see much of the other two SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah wouldnt be surprised really? i guess august said severin was a doctor SMS [ bucky ] : docs busy yeah baby’s song whatever he does mynameisuntoldYesterday at 22:12 i guess it's hard to keep track with so many of you SMS [ bucky ] : so many better get learning pal if you ever want to make it that far mynameisuntoldYesterday at 22:14 i've got a handle on what he's told me so far but yeah i'll do what i can SMS [ bucky ] : august tell you much about his side? mynameisuntoldYesterday at 22:15 a little bit - he mentioned his brother SMS [ bucky ] : Must not like you that much then SMS [ august 📷 ] : how come? he's allowed some privacy though apparently not from you SMS [ bucky ] : privacy and trust aren’t the same thing SMS [ august 📷 ] : okay yeah thats true but i dont think hes cheating or anything and if i dont have his trust thats on me SMS [ bucky ] : it is buckski SMS [ august 📷 ] : i am actually trying with him just so we're clear SMS [ bucky ] : what does trying look like cheating?? ur at the monogamy stage?? SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah i think so SMS [ bucky ] : or is this assuming?? SMS [ august 📷 ] : half assuming half it's been long enough that i wouldnt be surprised given that he's kept coming back, im counting that as a win since he's all over the world half the time SMS [ bucky ] : wow sounds like someone needs a big boy conversation SMS [ august 📷 ] : probably but im not having that with you SMS [ bucky ] : why not im a big boy SMS [ august 📷 ] : because it's between me and him SMS [ bucky ] : I am now the referee of ur relationship do u really like him SMS [ august 📷 ] : that's weird yes SMS [ bucky ] : promise me i will fuck ur life up of you mess with him im not kidding SMS [ august 📷 ] : i promise SMS [ bucky ] : im an expert at it SMS [ august 📷 ] : you've got my full backing to fucking up lives? SMS [ bucky ] : google me you’ll see he deserves someone who’s going to put him first no matter what SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah ill do that he does and i hope i can SMS [ bucky ] : so you break his heart you’ll live in total misery till ur dying day or I kill u Whichever comes first SMS [ august 📷 ] : good shovel talk its good you care about him and ill keep it in mind SMS [ bucky ] : more than anything pal you should be very afraid of me SMS [ august 📷 ] : ill allow you that id be afraid to see what youd do even if i can definitely take you in a fight SMS [ bucky ] : watch ur back I come armed which is easy in ur country SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah dont fucking remind me not to say i probably couldnt come armed too for that exact reason SMS [ bucky ] : u shoot? SMS [ august 📷 ] : not much anymore but yeah army SMS [ bucky ] : wait that’s what you meant by vet ahhhhhhhhhh SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah did you think i worked with animals fuck that's hilarious and that's why i can take you in a fight SMS [ bucky ] : shut the fuck up SMS [ august 📷 ] : no im having a good time SMS [ bucky ] : why was I supposed to think it WASNT that SMS [ august 📷 ] : because its obvious??? add the arm and you've got all the context you could want SMS [ bucky ] : you could have lost it to a big dog or a horse idk SMS [ august 📷 ] : i dont live near horses but yeah maybe or a rat theyre big here SMS [ bucky ] : HOW BIG SMS [ august 📷 ] : i knew someone who saw one that was catsized SMS [ bucky ] : yh good luck m8 of ur not a horse guy SMS [ august 📷 ] : definitely seen one close to that why oh your family yeah ive never rode SMS [ bucky ] : well now I want u to survive the fight just to die that way SMS [ august 📷 ] : ill survive the fight and watch for rogue horses

#discord thread 001.5 | bucky and alex texts #epiitaphs #v; ⋱ it’s just another graceless night - but when we’re dancing I’m alright ⋰ ⦙ |*| ( alternate musicians )#diabolicaltendencies

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lollytea · 5 years ago

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What are your opinions about Jungle cubs? I loved that show as a kid!

hi hello!! thank u for humoring me!! i love getting asks about the stuff im currently obsessed with that nobody really cares about, it makes me feel valid! also i dont have well constructed opinions, i just have a very messy, manic head so i just babble all my thoughts. for that i am sorry

im not gonna say jungle cubs is the best damn cartoon to hit the tv and maybe its just my own biased love speaking when i call it a good show but it means a lot to me personally. it brought me comfort as a little kid, i came back to it as a teen when i was feeling very alone and came back to it again as an adult just cuz of my recent love of baloo and talespin and needing something to keep me upbeat during the quarantine.

and ive watched quite a few cartoons i loved as a kid that i dont really vibe with anymore. i tried rewatching gummi bears. its not my thing. but jungle cubs is?? really good?? its just so charming to watch. i love the expressive animation, i love the smooth flowing dialogue, i love the playful and naive tone it has of just a bunch of kids being kids, i love the depiction of these characters, i love the performance of the voice actors, i love the layers it adds to the original film. layers that were never intended to be in there in the first place but isnt that just the beauty of interpretation and ones own imagination.

its such a formulaic concept isnt it. to take a classic show/movie and make its protagonists babies for a spinoff. but i dunno, i always got the feeling that whoever was the backbone of this story actually cared about the characters they were writing and took a sincere approach to it.

they thought in-depth about how to devolve them from their current personalities in a realistic way and what aspects of themselves are so core to their being that they would have been ingrained since childhood. the cubs feel pretty three-dimensional and considering theyre cash grab spinoff babies, that is an amazing feat.

but also, i love it for the very very very simple reason of its really adorable. bagheera especially. to see such a stoic and levelheaded character in his earliest stage as a child just Hits for me. cub bagheera is clever, hes cautious, hes a little stuck-up, all traits he has in the movie. hes also not the best hunter, doesnt know how to roar yet, is a little cowardly, sorta awkward at times and is often trying to prove that hes the best even though hes aware that he is nowhere near the best.

like its easy to believe the kind of person he grows up to be but at the same time, its really interesting to see the more childish aspects of himself that he eventually matured past. and hes adorable dude! baby bagheera voiced by EG Daily is the sweetest goddamn thing, i love him so much

also shere khan who is a fuckin doozy. hes very interesting in this too. everything about his attitude is reminiscent of a preteen who says mean things to you on voice chat while playing overwatch but if you tell him you’re gonna call the police on him, he starts panicking. thats shere khan’s vibe, a real edgy little tiger who thinks hes hot shit cuz he probably caught something bigger than a mouse like one time and its gone to his head.

hes constantly stalking around, subtly bragging about what a natural predator he is. but at the same time, he’s still around?? hes still hanging around with the other cubs cuz hes ALSO a cub and likes to play around with other kids his age. and he fucking loves his friends. the amount of times he’s scared off bigger animals who were about to harm them. and its really sweet cuz they like him too. while his attitude is definitely annoying sometimes, they still consider him their friend and enjoy his company. its just wholesome.

plus hes also pretty vulnerable as hes a cub. he doesnt stand a chance when they come across a grown animal as a threat. he gets scared just like the rest of them, hes just so arrogant that he never admits it.

in fact the appeal of the show in general to me, is the vulnerabilities of all the characters that comes with being in their most immature state. they dont know any better when it comes to stuff. this show is real dumbass hours

EVERYTHING about baloo is just great. he does not change even slightly. he is exactly the same except hes little and his voice hasnt broke yet. his child voice is amazingly fitting also.

i mean i guess one thing that differentiates him is adult baloo had some semblance of a philosophy. he was wise....in a way. baby baloo does not know shit about shit. he does not think. he just vibes, okay?? i love him mwah

i dont have much to say about the others but i DO like this interpretation of them more than their adult selves. it also just feels bittersweet that they grew up to be such dicks. Haithi is lovely, i love that hes just out here TRYING to be a colonel but he lacks the authority that comes with being a grown elephant and he doesnt have the self confidence to command anybody yet. he is simply babey.

louie is a very cute little dude, i love him and baloo as just an idiot squad. he also has a very good voice

kaa.....i dont trust. on one hand, hes very sweet as a child but on the OTHER HAND he grows up to be the creepiest fucking creation disney has ever put in a movie so that snake will always rub me the wrong way even when im trying to like him.

also ONE THING thats driving me crazy about this show is like. it has the best depiction of pre-adolescent boys that i have ever seen in a cartoon ever. just the way they behave. theyre sweethearts one minute, extremely mean the next minute, going from building eachother up to lightly bullying eachother, lots of unprovoked play fighting, laughing over dumb shit, rude to strangers for no goddamn reason, theres just a lot.

it fuckin knocked me back like 15 years cuz it reminded me so much of kids i used to play with. and these arent even human children whose brain development is documented, these are animals, this show had no business being this spot-on.

i dont like season 2. it has a few gems here and there that i get a kick out of. but as a whole, its really disappointing. since the show swapped production companies, they seemed to uproot it completely and start from scratch. and its kinda sad cuz i think they were TRYING to do something poignant when it came to a future narrative but it just didnt land. firstly there was a huge animation downgrade and looking at the two season in comparison is kinda depressing.

also they redesigned the characters, some looked worse than others. baloo looked fine but i still preferred his og look. bagheera....was the worst. rip bagheera.

they all underwent a huge personality change. and not in the way that showed subtle maturity, i mean a vapid exaggeration of their original personality. the only characters who were left relatively alone in this regard were baloo and kaa. and i dont mind gradually changing a character since there IS an adult version of them that they should be growing into. but the season 2 depictions are literally the furthest things from their adult selves that its unbelievable.

another pet peeve is they changed a few of the voice actors and.....i love these season 2 voice actors in other work theyve done. dee bradley baker and cree summer specifically who are both very talented people. but they did not fit these roles in the slightest. (not to mention having cree summer play an APE and suddenly having her do a LOT of monkey noises that the previous va never had to do. im not gonna get into all that BUT hmm.) and if youre gonna recast the characters to make them sound “older” as least make them sound somewhat similar to the jungle book actors, so you can picture them eventually growing into those voices.

also the tone shifted so much between seasons. the way they tried to make this jungle more of a “society” with shit like talent shows and sports games and celebrities and like fuckin. STOP. theyre animals. just let them be animals. along with that the writing just feels really off and its just. not fun. i dont like it

and as i mentioned, they WERE trying to do something here. the fact that the cubs didnt hang out with eachother as much and were starting to drift apart is kinda sad and wouldve liked it see it handled a little better. but instead i got season 2, which was stupid. and im 21 and im petty.

anyway i am very sorry that ended so negatively and im very sorry that rant was completely all over the place i have no sense of proper organization i just wanted to gush about what i love. but on a positive note i love jungle cubs!! its very dear to my heart and makes me very happy and i wish it had gotten more episodes

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sadb0ysims · 5 years ago

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15 questions tag :^) i was tagged by @bardsim ly lots

𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞?

yess i am named after mia farrow because my mum loves elvis but my dad didn’t want an elvis name so she kept it lowkey by calling me mia bc elvis had a thing with nancy sinatra whos dad was frank sinatra who was married to mia farrow

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝?

ummm it was monday but i havent cried SINCE that is growth... i had a self revelation moment and it came after being depressed and listening to jorja smith for many, many hours

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬?

i am 15 lets hope not

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐦 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭?

do i?

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐚��𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞?

goddd idk eyes is the most basic answer but its the only thing i can think of i guess. if they’re attractive to me i obvs pick up on that or if they have a good sense of humour i pick up on that too bc i dont like to talk to ppl who dont make me laugh FGHFDJ

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫?

blue baby

𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠?

neither i guess but if i had to choose happy ending

𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭?

i am like really vaguely psychic with media so like films or music etc i can be singing a song and come downstairs and i sit down then it starts playing on the radio and stuff like that

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐢𝐧?

the united kingdom babey

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬?

i like drawing but its really tiring especially if i dont like how its going. i like storyelling but only through sims because im a more visual sort of person FGJFHDJ and ofc like... video games... i love putting together outfits id be a sexy stylist... i used to be into skincare but i got more depressed so ive left my skin to rot

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐬?

i have a rottweiler and 2 guinea pigs :’) the place i work has baby hamsters and now i really want one but i barely have space for the guinea pigs so rip to that dream

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲/𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞��?

i actually really like sports but i have no stamina at all FGHFJ im really good at rugby, i used to love hockey but not so much anymore... i am ACE at badminton... pretty good at goalkeeping in football...

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

5′5 and a half to be exact

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭(𝐬) 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥?

god none of them. FJGHFJ but if i had to choose probably geography because its easy and theres no pressure to be good or fulfill expectations that i cant maintain. i used to love history bc i was rlly good at it too... in short i only love things im good at whoopsie

𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐣𝐨𝐛?

god there’s a lot of these ummm i work in a pet shop right now and i really love that like seeing all the doggies that come in and looking after guinea pigs and hamsters and giving people pet care advice and like organising stock in the shop... so like having my own pet shop is a little dream maybe... and i always wanted to be a youtuber since i was like 6 LOL idk just i love being an entertainer and making people laugh while also being good at what i do. idk

if any of you have done it already you can burn me at the stake but ummm @literalite wait thats literally the only person i can think of who would do this shit bye

#sadb0ysims #talkin #tagged in

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vincent-frankenstein · 5 years ago

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different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it

aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao

so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u

its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half.

putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long

first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.

u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better

secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day.

it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”

try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too.

now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort

whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid

practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training

that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!

my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep.

you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical

i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.

another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control

if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me

so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!

so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid

at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master

thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!

you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.

if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort

but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun

if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work

and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream

so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world

its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!

hm wow i really went ham here lmao

thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn

#me: /spends a full half-hour infodumping abt something most people havent even heard of/#now if only i could remember this much when it comes to schoolwork lmaooooo #ty for the Infodump Permission im !! vibin rn #lowkey highkey this makes me wanna get back into it. . . might do a wbtb tonight...#personal #logan talks #lucid dreaming #Anonymous

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maximows · 6 years ago

Text

Against the Odds - Chapter IV

Thats convenient,

MASTERLIST (mobile) AO3

Warnings: smut, fam meetings and douchey friends

“What should I wear?” Chris’ voice echoed from our hotel bedroom. “I didn’t bring many clothes.”

I was just about to put in an earring, when he came into the bathroom. “Which one?” he held out a white and a light blue dress shirt.

“Whoa, you want to wear a dress shirt to meet my parents?” I smirked. “You’re not proposing, are you?”

“I did tell you that I’m not letting that skillful mouth of yours get away from me,” he joked. “But we are going to a restaurant, right?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “But please, don’t make a great deal out of it. It will only make both of us more nervous. And wear the white one.”

The restaurant was only a few blocks away, so we took a short walk. Chris looked amazing in that shirt and black trousers. I wished we had an extra 15 minutes for a quickie before the dinner, but it had to wait. “Maybe I should’ve brought a bottle of wine or something?” he asked, nervously.

“I’m sure there’s wine at the restaurant, love,” I smiled and rubbed his forearm. “You have nothing to worry about.”

Chris was incredibly nervous about meeting my parents. Apart from being worried that they might not like him, he also concerned about not understanding their accents, which weren’t different from mine, so no, there was nothing to worry about.

“Should I pick up the check?” he continued. “I read about it, and...”

I interrupted him by simply taking his face in my hands and kissing him, long and deep. “They are gonna love you, Christopher,” I whispered against his lips. “So please, don’t worry.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

We entered the restaurant, where my parents were already sitting, waiting for us. I squeezed Chris’ bicep to cheer him up. “Hi, Mum,” I greeted her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Dad,” I moved back to Chris and introduced him. “This is Chris.”

“Mrs. Dawson, Mr. Dawson.” I noticed his voice became a bit lower and more serious.

“It is very lovely to meet you, Chris,” my mum said.

“Emily told us a lot of good things about you.” Dad added.

We sat down and ordered. Chris got a little bit more relaxed once he realized my parents were really not that scary. He was mainly nervous because of the conflict I had with them at the beginning of the year, but it was now all sorted out. My dad did like the fact that Chris decided not to drink alcohol, but didn’t know that he refused only because we were going to my friend's party later and he didn’t want to mix.

“So, you two are going to be in a film together, right?” my Mum asked.

Chris nodded. “Yes, we’re filming the first one right now, it’s Avengers: Age of Ultron. We are two months into filming and just came back from South Korea. We’re actually very lucky to be doing this together and avoid being apart for such a long time.”

“Emily was always into comic books, I’m not surprised she landed a role in Marvel movies.” My dad laughed. “She'd always run around with her brothers playing football or something.”

“Since I couldn’t bring our family albums, I have a few pictures on my phone,” my Mum reached to her bag. “I’m sure Chris would love to see some.”

“Thank you, mum.” I said as I saw Chris' eyes light up. The only reason why I didn't protest, was because how happy Chris was now. My parents really liked him. How could anyone not like him? I looked at him, as he scrolled through my baby pictures with my mum and God... I love him. Words cannot describe what I feel when I look at my insanely beautiful and kind boyfriend.

After Chris finished telling my parents the story of his life, childhood and other stuff, I noticed that it was time for us to go. “Chris, we should head out.” I interrupted.

We said our goodbyes. Fortunately, there was no fight over the bill. My dad accepted Chris' offer to pay. Chris was a bit disappointed that my brothers couldn’t make it, but they both work in the same team and had an emergency they had to attend to.

“You have my parents wrapped around your finger,” I joked on our way back to the hotel. “They were mesmerized.”

“What can I say? Parents love me.” He shrugged. We reached the entrance. “I’ll just a have a smoke and I’ll be up in a minute.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “I asked you to stop smoking, baby.”

“It’s not that easy.” He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes at him and went back to our room. He did a good job hiding his addiction from me in the early stages of our relationship. He said that it was easier, because we weren’t spending as much time together as we are now. But now that we're both working on the same project, he couldn’t hide it anymore. I’m not saying that him smoking would have been a deal breaker, but I hate cigarettes and as much as I hate it when people ask their partners to change, I’d like to come up with a system to make him stop smoking.

I took a very quick shower and headed out to the bedroom in a towel, to find something to wear. I settled on black trousers, white t-shirt and a jacket.

I was still in my underwear when Chris came back. “Keep your distance, ashtray.” I snapped as he tried to get close to me. I hate the smell of cigarettes and it instantly makes me sick.

I laid on the bed, while Chris was in the shower. There was still a lot of time before we had to leave, so I just opened Instagram and scrolled though my feed. Sophia had already posted her outfit for the evening.

I heard that Chris finished showering, so I laid on my stomach, arching my back so my butt was popping out. “Chriiiis!” I called. “Can you help me with my phone?”

“In a second,” he called back and soon I heard the door open. “what is... oh, you fucking didn’t.”

I turned to see him with messy wet hair, in a towel around his hips. “Come on, babe.” I wiggled my butt at him.

“Look at those long legs...” He walked over and I felt his finger draw a line from my foot, through my calf all the way to my upper thigh. He then got on the bed and sat on my thighs. His hands grabbed my butt cheeks firmly. I groaned as he squeezed then firmly. “I am so fucking lucky...” he sighed and spanked me. I gasped as I felt my skin sting lightly. He’s never done that before. “Did you like it?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I moaned. “Do it again.”

I felt his palm smack against my ass again, but this time it was harder, and I gasped. “Fuck.” I mumbled against the sheets.

“I’m loving it, but I need to fuck you already.” He blurted. I felt his fingers gently run up and down my clothed pussy. “How are you always so wet, baby girl?”

I turned to meet his gaze. “You make me.” I groaned, feeling chills all over my body, caused by Chris' thumb rubbing against my panties. I heard him loose the towel, then he lowered my panties and I felt cold air against my sex. Chris buried two fingers in between my folds and breathed out slowly.

“Chris, please...” I begged as he removed his fingers. They were soon replaced the tip of Chris' dick. “Fuck, yes.”

I felt a light stretch which was both painful and pleasurable. I gripped the sheets as Chris moved deeper inside me. He hovered over my body, so his lips could reach the top of my spine. “You're taking me so well, baby...” he groaned against my skin. “Come on, come for me.”

He started to pick up the pace, supporting himself with his one arm and using the other to hold my waist down. I felt my walls tighten around his shaft as my orgasm neared, I couldn't stop moaning, the friction was too much, Chris’ moans turned me on even more and I let go.

Chris turned me to lay on my side, entered me again and he continued thrusting into me, his movements becoming more and more sloppy. I was seeing stars and I’m pretty sure my moans were audible from outside our apartment. Chris reached between my legs to play with clit. “You ready to come again for me, baby?” he breathed out.

I heard Chris groan one last time as he released into me. I felt his dick twitch and we came together. Chris laid down, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me close to his body. “I’m nearly 33 years old and I'm having the best sex of my life with you.”

“I wish I could say the same thing...” I sighed and made Chris glare angrily at me. “But I have no comparison.”

We stayed like that for a while before leaving for the party. It was a 30 minute drive from our hotel. Chris was driving with his hand constantly on my thigh, I held on to his arm. I did want to drive, because he doesn’t have experience driving on the left side, but he wouldn’t let me. “You’re going to drive on the way back, after I’ve had too much to drink.”

“What if I want to drink too?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.

“Oh, I mean, that’s fine...” he struggled.

“I’m kidding! It’s fine, you agreed to meet my friends, I won’t drink if you want to.” I said, giving his bicep a kiss. “Besides, I hate most of them and I wanna show you off.”

He burst into laughter. “How can you hate your friends?”

“I like my friends, but I don’t like their friends and they are also gonna be there,” I explained. “Oh, and I should warn you. The guy I, um... the guy who turned out to be taken will be there.”

“Ok, I can take that.” He nodded.

“And the guy I used to have a crush on.” I added quickly. “But I really don’t talk to them anymore, you don’t even have to acknowledge them, ok? And if you hear a stupid comment, just think about the great sex we have, right?”

“I’m gonna be fine, everyone’s got their history and I'm not going to ruin your night with friends with some jealousy outbursts.”

We arrived at Sophie and Mary’s house and walked inside hand in hand. The girls surrounded us immediately, more excited to see Chris than me, their best friend. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! We’ve heard so much about you!”

It didn’t take long for Chris to get to know most of the people and disappear into conversation with them. I stayed in the kitchen with the girls, using the one moment we had to talk privately.

“Emilia Alexandra, he is perfect for you.” Amy said. “Visually, he’s exactly your type and character-wise, he’s all a man should be.”

“I know, he’s amazing.” I sighed, watching him talk to Mary's boyfriend. No wonder, they were both around the same age. “And, don’t get me wrong, but... I’m afraid.”

“Why? Has he done anything?” Sophia inquired, lowering her voice.

“No, no. He’s absolutely perfect,” I smiled. “But he's older. 11 years is not the biggest age gap Hollywood has witnessed, but in a year or two, he'll start talking about having children. Right now, the whole idea of a childbirth freaks me out...”

“Don’t think about it now, ok? I’m sure Chris understands that he’s not dating a woman who has to hurry up if she wants to be a mother,” Mary explained. “Besides, the man is clearly in love with you, already. He would wait 20 more years for you to be ready.”

We had to end the conversation when more and more people neared the kitchen. I went to the living room, but before I sat down next to my boyfriend, Will, my former crush, appeared in front of me.

We used to have this weird dynamic – we were never a couple, but our friends told us that we looked like one. “Haven't seen you in a long time, Em,” He said. “How are you?”

“Oh, I’m alright,” I answered. “A little bit busy at the moment, but life’s good.”

“Yeah, you got yourself a superhero,” he moved on to the topic quickly. “He doesn’t seem your type, though.”

“Well, if you think that smart, tall, handsome and kind is not my type, then you’re wrong and most certainly don’t know me.” I shrugged and took a sip of my non-alcoholic mojito.

Not wanting to waste any more time on Will, I walked to the living room, where Chris was having an incredibly energetic conversation with Harry, Mary's boyfriend, and Lucas. I wanted to sit next to him, but the moment he saw me, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me down to sit on his lap. “How’s things?” I whispered and kissed his temple.

“Things are good,” He responded with a sly smile on his face. “I thought you weren’t drinking tonight, baby.”

“It’s a mojito, but without rum,” I explained. “So, what were you talking about?”

“Oh, Chris was just telling us about Korea,” Harry said. “I’m actually going there on a work trip next month.”

“That’s great,” I smiled. “I should've gone into marketing, you travel all the time and get to actually see the cities you go to...”

“Heyyy,” Chris furrowed his eyebrows. “You wouldn’t have met me then.”

Mary walked in with even more food on the plates and set them on the table. “So, Em, still can’t tell us anything about the movie?”

“Oh, no fucking way,” I shook my head. “Marvel would fucking shoot me, just ask Chris. He’s been in this much longer than me.”

“That’s true, they barely tell us anything and it constantly gets worse...” He confirmed.

“How did you two meet?” Sam, Will's brother asked. At some point in the past, I thought he liked me, that we were getting along, because we had a lot in common, but it turned out that he was as mean as his brother was dumb.

“We were on a plane to LA together and then I came to Chris' party.” I explained.

“Oh, did she end up unconscious or vomited into your sink?” Adam asked and I rolled my eyes at him. I did this once at his house, because they kept pouring me strong drinks on an empty stomach. “She tends to do that.”

“Nooo, I think she was actually enjoying herself at mine,” Chris replied, shutting Adam down.

I could see Sophie glaring at Adam, Will and Sam, but it didn’t stop them. “Hey, do you remember, when you got so drunk on wine that you called Will to pick you up?” Sam smiled widely. “God, you were barely able to walk back to the car, weren’t you?”

I felt Chris' fingers squeeze the skin of my waist more tightly. I knew he wouldn't do anything remotely impolite. I didn’t mind them saying that stuff – I knew it was only because they were mad that I was going forward and had an amazing boyfriend by my side. They were once the only men in my closest circle and now they were just feeling threatened. “Wait, is he the guy you told me about? The one who crashed his parents' car, because he was trying to overtake a sports car?” he asked, faking confusion. God, I do love him. And I hate it when people try to make themselves relevant.

“Ohh, yeah, that’s him.” I smiled cheekily and discreetly scratched the back of Chris' neck, which I knew he loved.

“Ok, I think that’s enough reminiscing for today, isn’t it?” Sophie interrupted.

I hated every part of the evening which consisted of talking to anyone outside of my closest circle. Fortunately, most of them left before us, so the atmosphere got better and better.

A while later, Chris and I said our goodbyes to the remaining guests and left for our rental car. He was holding me tightly by his side, mostly because he got a bit hammered with the group of my friends that were actually acting normally around him. “I hate your friends,” he whined. “but I love your best friends.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I said as Chris walked me to the driver's seat. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him as we faced each other.

“I want to say something,” he blurted out in a nearly sober voice. “Before I do, I want you to know that even though I am a little drunk, I am fully aware of what I’m saying and I’m taking responsibility for my words. Also, I’m sorry for saying this on an ordinary night like that,” he took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, very much.”

My mouth formed a wide grin as I cupped his cheeks in my hands. “That’s very convenient,” I whispered against his lips and gave him a gentle kiss. “me too.”

He pressed another kiss on my lips, this time harder, more hungrily. He tasted like scotch, cigarettes and mint gum. “I am so lucky that these guys are absolute garbage, I got to snag you for myself.”

The next day, when we landed in Boston, we were both tired, but it was only 2pm. Chris was still feeling a little bit hangover from the night before. He slept through most of our flight, with his head on my lap. I’m sure it wasn’t comfortable for him, but he does love it when I play with his hair.

I met Chris' oldest sister at the airport, where she came to pick us up. “Hi, I’m Carly,” She greeted me and hugged. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” I smiled.

“They’re all dying to see you,” She cheered. “And Chris, the kids are going to go crazy once you walk through the door.”

“I’m not gonna be a fun uncle today, I’m sooo hangover.” Chris whined. “We're going straight to bed.”

“Speak for yourself, Evans.” I said.

I was a little bit nervous when we reached Chris' family house. He’s always told me how close they are, especially his mother and him and I really wanted to make a good impression. That’s why I didn’t travel in my most comfortable clothes and chose something more presentable.

We entered the house and Chris was almost immediately tacked down to the ground by three children. “Oh God, they're gonna kill me! Help!” he shouted.

Chris’ mum came out to greet us. “Oh, Emily! I’m so glad he’s finally brought you here!” chucked. “I've been hearing about you from Scott for months now.”

“Hope it's only the good things.” I smiled.

“Oh, definitely,” she smiled. “Let my get you something to eat. Chris, please take your luggage to your bedroom.”

Chris just made a strange sound as he was surrounded by his nephews.

Lisa made an excellent lasagne and salad (amongst other things). I was literally in a food coma. Chris couldn’t stop laughing at me and my post-meal facial expressions. “I always try to make her eat more and you accomplished that in just one hour, mom. Amazing.”

“You’re making it sound like I’m starving myself, but there’s just a lot of things I shouldn’t eat.” I explained. “I mean, I haven’t had a coffee in ages.”

Chris nodded. “True, I have no idea how she does it.”

“Emily, you should let me know what you wouldn’t want to eat,” Lisa suggested. “Chris should've let me know...”

“Oh, no, no. Please, don’t go out of your way for me. I can eat everything...”

“Except for brussels, asparagus...” Chris started to count on his fingers.

I’m not gonna lie, I was enjoying the attention Chris’ niece was giving me. As soon as Chris told her about my Cinderella role, Millie kept asking me about my dress, the prince, carriage. I showed her pictures of myself on the set and she looked like I was her idol already.

“I should dump you solely for that comment at the table.” I snapped, laying in bed as Chris was changing. Everyone left for some event at Carly's school and we decided to stay in and take a nap. “I loved that lasagne and now I’m afraid your mom is never going to make it again. I intend on keeping our relationship going just for that lasagne.”

“Ouch,” he gasped and lied shirtless next to me. I was wearing a hoodie of his I found in his wardrobe. He said that it was older than my second teeth. “But seriously – I haven’t brought any girl here in a very long time, so mom is incredibly excited. She actually wants to take you to the theatre tomorrow.”

“Really?” I asked excitedly. “What for?”

“I don’t know, probably just to hang out together,” he shrugged. “And then, my dad is coming over for dinner.”

“Right, ok,” I nodded, moving my head to lay on his bicep. “And the day after tomorrow... It’s your birthday.”

Chris pressed his lips into a thin line. “Yup, it is,” he sighed and brought me closer to press my torso against his. “Can we just not make a great deal out of it?”

“You made a huge deal out of mine though, love.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t turning 33 years old.”

I sighed and lifted myself up to sit on his torso. I pressed my hands against his firm chest. “Your age isn’t going to stop me from preparing celebrations, Evans,” I grinned. “I mean, everything is already prepared, you’re not getting away.” I leaned down to give him a kiss. “I loved my birthday this year,” I whispered. “I want to do something equally great for you, so let me do this, you dumbass.”

He burst into laughter as I pressed my mouth against his collarbone tattoo. “Oh, I love you,” He grabbed my side and pulled me closer. “You’re just... flawless.”

I pulled back to look him in the eyes. His beautiful blue eyes were still tired from the night before. His hair was a little messy from laying on the bed, but it might have also been my fault. I leaned down to give his nose a quick kiss. “I love you too, handsome.”

Chris moved his hand down to the curve of my ass. “How about we use the time alone we got to have a little fun?” he asked. “I mean, we are in my childhood home. An opportunity like that won’t happen again soon.”

I sat back. “Did you just say you love me and then suggest having sex?” I tilted my head to the side.

He shrugged. “I don’t know, can’t remember, I’m an old man.”

I giggled at his comment and wanted to actually start the fun, but we heard the door open downstairs. I sighed. “Well, that sums up the fun for the day.”

“Come ‘ere, baby,” he whispered. “Let’s just pretend we're taking a nap or else the kids will attack me again.” He spooned me, wrapped his arms around me and brought my back close to his chest. “Goodnight, love.”

Even though I was only hoping to sleep for like an hour, I ended up sleeping through the whole night. I woke up around 8 am. The bed was empty, so I got up and found my leggings in the suitcase. I opened the door quietly and went downstairs, where I found Chris in the kitchen.

“Oh, hello, sleepy head,” he got up off the stool and walked up to me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“Hi,” I answered. “I can’t believe I slept for so long.” I counted the hours and I slept for almost 12 hours non-stop.

“You went through 2 months of shooting on maximum 5 hours of sleep every night, you deserve some more time to rest.” He whispered against my hair.

Lisa came into the kitchen as Chris was making me a tea. “Oh, you’re up! I was afraid we wouldn’t get the chance to spend some time together,” she said. “I’m going to the theatre in a while, would you want to join me?”

“Of course! Just give me a few minutes to take a shower and get dressed.” I smiled and sprinted upstairs.

“She's gonna have energy to deal with those kids, she spent 13 hours in bed and woke up after me,” Chris said to Lisa. “It barely ever happens, Mom. Never.”

It was one of the quickest showers of my life. I didn't want Lisa to wait too long for me, so I tried to hurry.

Soon enough we were in a car driven by Chris. He was supposed to drop us off at the theatre and head to the gym. I was a bit nervous about spending time alone with Lisa, but I trusted Chris' words and knew that she was nothing but a kind person.

“I’ll pick you up at 2, alright?” he waved as we left the car.

Lisa let me watch a few rehearsals with her and it kind of brought back my memories from school and university. Those kids were already taking acting more seriously then I ever did. I sat there in the audience and watched their rehearsal. The teacher asked me to find something I thought they could improve, but honestly I didn’t see myself as any kind of authority in that matter. “You know, the last time I did any kind of theatre work was back in university, which wasn’t that long ago, but I was always more focused on films.” I explained. “The one thing I can tell you, is that I found meditation to be very helpful, because I couldn’t really mute the sound of the audience.”

“It also helps with auditions, filming, social interactions,” I added. “You need to be incredibly confident, don’t let people interrupt you, you’re the one on stage and they paid to see you.”

I watched the rehearsal until the end and then Lisa took me to her office. Even though I knew she wouldn’t question me like it was an interrogation, I was a little bit nervous, as it was our first time completely alone together.

“I love it here,” I admitted. “It kind of reminds me of my time in uni when I actually did theatre work. Of course, it wasn’t anything involving dance and singing, because it’s absolutely not my thing.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’d do just fine,” she assured me. “I saw your new movie a month ago and I really enjoyed it. I’ve actually seen a few of your movies since Chris told me about you. I do like how you don’t stick to one genre and it always turns out great.”

“Thank you so much,” I said, my voice shaking. “I’m sorry, I’m just a bit nervous. I feel like I’m at a job interview, but not because of you. I just have that natural fear of saying something stupid in important situations.”

Lisa laughed at me, but in a kind way. She admitted that she was a little surprised and hesitant, when Chris told her that I was younger – only because he always dated his age – but it didn’t take her much time to realize how important I was to him and that we were God door each other. With that said, I could feel tears pool in my eyes. Suck it up. “You know, whenever Chris brings a girl home, I’m a bit nervous. I do trust his taste, but the last one was a total miss, if I have to be honest. The main problem is that he hasn’t had a long-time relationship for a very long time now and I’m worried. You know, I’m fine with whoever he goes for, but I want him to be happy. And I know that for him, happiness means marriage and, eventually, kids.”

I knew what she meant. And she was trying to get information in the most polite way possible. “Lisa, I love him. It’s still early to even think about it, though. The one thing I can say is that I’m sure Chris is going to be a great husband and father, so if we work out for a time long enough, I’ll happily help him make his dreams come true. I don’t know how much it’ll take for me. It could be 2 years, could be 5.”

Lisa sighed and smiled. “You’re both really similar. You like the same things, I can see that you’re comfortable around each other,” she admitted. “Chris called me after your first date and said that you’ve known each other for a day and he felt like he was just wasting his time before he met you.” I couldn’t help but smile as the said that. I knew that our relationship was moving fast, but knowing how he felt about me in such early stages... “I really hope you two work out, because I’m looking forward to seeing my son as happy as he is with you more frequently.”

At this point I was just grinning like a crazy person. “Oh God, I have no idea what to say now.”

I was actually holding back tears after our little chat. Lisa was an incredible woman and I saw that she cared for her children, but not in an invasive way. She didn’t make me feel like she’d hunt me down if something went wrong in our relationship.

Lisa stayed in a little longer, but I went outside where Chris was waiting for us. He’s changed his clothes after visiting the gym, his hair was pulled back but in a messy way. “How was your day?” he asked as I kissed him on the cheek.

“Well, I watched a few rehearsals, talked to the kids and then had a nice talk with your mum,” I answered. “She nearly made me cry.”

“What?” he seemed confused.

“She almost made me cry by being so nice and supporting of us.” I explained with a big grin on my face.

“Oh, that sounds more like her,” he said, wrapping his arm around me. “Now, will you tell me how is it possible that my filming schedule has been conveniently pushed back a day, so I don’t have to work on my birthday?”

I just shrugged. “I have no idea, BUT I bet you should thank your awesome girlfriend for that. Just in case.”

He pulled me into a hug and I felt his tense muscles against my body. “Thank you so much and seeing you excited for what you’ve prepared makes me even more anxious to find out what it is.” He whispered against my neck.

I leaned back a bit to face him. “You’re gonna love it, I promise.” I said and kissed him gently. I loved Chris' habit of pulling me tightly against his body whenever we kissed. It made me just forget about the whole world and focus on him.

Lisa soon joined us and we drove back home, where I helped Lisa cook dinner. The whole family came over in the evening, apart from Scott, who was in LA. I got to meet Chris’ dad, Bob. He spent some time with us. I couldn’t believe how similar Chris and his father looked.

I was actually trying to observe how they acted, because, well. They’ve been divorced for quite a while now and have adult children, which required them to spend a lot of time together. But, as I suspected, it was an incredibly friendly and respectful relationship. It was obvious that something just hadn’t worked out and they both decided to get a divorce. I could only hope that my parents will be exactly the same.

Chris and Bob went out to the garden to play with the kids, while I stayed in the kitchen with Lisa. “So, Chris has told me about your parents' separation...”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I was actually watching you and Bob and the way you are after getting a divorce.”

“Oh, we’ve been divorced for almost, what, 15 years,” she laughed. “Right now, I can barely remember what it was like being married to him. It was tough at the beginning, but the marriage just stopped working out for us, so we decided to end it.”

“I hope my parents are like that once they get a divorce. I’d hate to be just put in between them.”

“I’m sure it will be fine. It’s much easier to separated when you don’t have small children anymore. There’s no custody battle, which is one of the reasons why divorce cases take so long.”

Lisa was right. I kept thinking about my parents like they couldn’t handle their own life. I’m not dependent on them anymore, so I don’t have to worry about their relationship. Yes, it would be ideal if they stayed friends, but it’s their life.

In the evening, we all sat down in the living room, played some board games and watched a movie. I felt incredibly comfortable amongst Chris' family and some friends who have joined us. I was very sad about us leaving tomorrow and having to go to bed early in order to get more sleep. “I love your family.” I whispered against his chest as we laid in bed.

“That's convenient.” He pressed a kiss against my forehead.

The next day, we spent some time in the house, but had to rush to the airport in the afternoon.

“When are you going to tell me where we're going?” Chris asked as we entered the airport.

“I’d like to keep it a complete secret,” I answered. “Until an airport employee accuses me of kidnapping or something, I’m not spilling.”

It was all carefully planned. I gave Chris earplugs and somehow, he still didn’t know out destination as we entered the plane. I couldn’t make him wear earplugs during the safety training, so that was where he found out.

“Why are we going to Houston?” he seemed a bit confused. I just shrugged, so he knew I wasn’t going to say anything.

Chris was a bit desperate to find out what was going on. He kept saying that it’s his birthday and I should tell him. Then he tried to bribe me with sexual favours, which also did not work out. To be honest, I thought he would’ve had it figured out by now, but he still was clueless.

I had it all prepared – we drove to the hotel and then to the NASA Space Center, where I not only booked us a trip around the center, but also paid for it to be open for 3 more hours, so we could have a private tour and then, after it gets dark, use some of the telescopes.

“You have got to be kidding me, Emilia.” Chris blurted out as I put a NASA cap on his head. “That is so fucking awesome.”

He was like a child in Disneyland. No, scratch that. Chris was acting like himself in Disneyland. I loved the fact that it was thanks to me and he was actually enjoying himself. He was such a fucking dork and I loved every second of it.

Chris kept asking questions to our guide and I was actually stunned by the knowledge he already had.

I’m getting him a meeting with Neil Degrasse Tyson next year.

@daybreak96 @coffeebooksandfandom @smilexcaptainx @betinalunardi @rollinsuh @lily2089@stella2445 @hy-pocrite @l0rd-disick @beholdoritou @klaussstilinski@achishisha@givenchymercury @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @henry-cavill-gossip-girl @rock-titties @bombsandsparkles @marvel-fan23 @cap-just-said-language @blackaestheticislife @justsomemarvelspam @nerdchester17 @shyofaspark @cssrogersse@crispyearthquakezombie@ultragalaxy @bit-of-a-timelord @kingofallthingsz @morguleth@calicokitkat @areelphony@gemgemswift @donut-crazs @dontchawishyouknewhowtosalsa@kandomeresbitch @deafeningpsychicpandahands @severely-theoretic @chmedic @patzammit@winterssoliderss@metalarmlover @saturnki @sammyjammy92

#chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans fic #chris evans fanfic #blurb #chris evans x reader #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans imagine #cevans fic #cevans

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syrupspinner · 3 months ago

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i just beat Slap City

by which i mean i did all the story mode stuff

i like platformer fighters. ive got like, 300 hours in smash ultimate, probably more in brawl from my childhood. as something of an indie aficionado, i totally respect something thats pretty directly inspired by a AAA game. platform fighters as a genre are already pretty derivative from smash, and whenever you dont have the copyright for a crossover spectacle, you usually aim for the competitive market. i mean, nintendo doesnt support melee as much as they should, but you know aether studios is gonna host rivals 2 tournaments for as long as they can.

but wheres the silly. i respect serious competitive gameplay, and as something of a hardcore gamer myself its what most of my gameplay looks like. but since smash tries to strike a balance between fighting game and party game, i think more games should silly it up like slap city does

the first clue is the fact at all that they had a subspace emissary mode. brawl is arguably the most casual-focused smash game, and having a platforming story mode is something of a clue to that. the general vibe is pretty ridiculous too, its pretty telling when the princess of saturn (who is also a nurse that things her fights heal people) is the only one taking this seriously. at least, i think? im gonna be real, most of the dialog just kinda bounced off me. like, they make fine enough jokes, but i didnt really retain any of it. i think its mostly because i was so antsy to get to the next level and see how it plays with the new character.

...or rather, to get it over with. yeah, youre playing the same 15-level story mode with everyone. this comes with the obvious drawback that you cant really tailor too much to a specific platforming to one character, but only most of the time. like, i like how in the second level, theres a branching path, and unlocking on of the routes requires you to know an obscure detail of how the characters moves work, like jenny fox's skateboard having its own hurtbox in her recovery. some of the more specific ones, like you having a unique chargable arial special, are tutorialized in the final room of the level. good shit, it encourages experimentation and it informs you of what you missed after you had that chance so you can replay it if you want. its a bit of a pain you cant just get all the collectables in one play of the level, but its worth it for the silly little experimentation bit. its more then the other platform fighter non-battle story modes, which all keep themselves playable for anyone. im impressed, because having a lower budget would be an easy justification for more copy-paste, but they really went the extra mile here. buuuuuuut playing all of them back-to-back still instills the feeling of playing the same story mode back-to-back

so, how about the fights? theyre silly, but theyre still like, actual fights. fishbunjin can hover in the air for like 3 full seconds charging up a thrown dumbell that ricochets like a bouncy ball. every single one of ashas special moves is an identical teleport. buisness casual man looks like hes supposed to be voiced by tom kenny. literally every one of goddess of explosions' moves is an explosion. this is like if everyone has the same amount of "what the fuck are you doing here" as wii fit trainer and im living. but heres the catch: everyone works as a fighter. nobody sacrifices playability for spectacle or silliness, it feels like they really prioritized having something enjoyable

so yay, play this game! especially if you have friends. im gonna close this out with a tier list, not of which characters are the most competitively viable, but of what characters i personally enjoyed playing as the most

#slap city #defeated #im not sure how i would consider this compl*ted #maybe beating the super-secret bonus level with everyone? and arcade mode?#its always hard to tell when they dont have achievements

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drashleighreid · 5 years ago

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catrogue replied to your post “can’t believe i agreed to go to a workout class at buttcrack o’clock...”

Is this for yoga? Any tips on how to start? I've been watching youtube videos and trying to at least do a 15-30 mnt one every other day.

more for mixed martial arts! but i try to do a lot of yoga/pilates too because it’s really really good for strength/conditioning/flexibility and overall physical and mental health tbh!!

i think thats a really good place to start actually!! i first got into yoga like... 9 years ago and i jumped straight in the deep end with bikram hot yoga lol and i LOVED IT. the heat loosens your muscles and helps you really get deeper into poses and develop flexiblity faster. its hard though, and if you don’t like sweating lol don’t interact. but honestly it was life changing and ive loved all types of yoga ever since.

i think at home yoga routines are really awesome. there are sooo many online, you can really find whatever you need and change up your routine a lot, and its free!! it’s also good because you can squeeze mini flows into your schedule wherever you can! so i definitely think its a good place to start!

everyones different, but my only issue is that i find it really difficult to motivate myself to consistently do videos in my house lol. i really thrive in class environments because it gets me into a different environment and holds me more accountable. and if you really enjoy it and want to take it more seriously and get into some more difficult poses, having a physical instructor there to help you with technique and guide you through it is soo beneficial.

but yeah of course, everyone is different! and class memberships can be really expensive so i think that if you’re really enjoying doing the videos at home, then keep up with it! it’s a really great way to treat your body and mind.

i guess my only advice would be to ask yourself what you’re hoping to get out of it! whether the benefits you want are more physical - flexibility, strength, balance etc. etc. or mental - more breathing/flow/meditative, and then you can look into routines specifically targeting those things and set goals to keep yourself motivated. i think the biggest issue w it is staying motivated being too vague with goals, just saying - im going to start doing yoga videos at home! then its easy to fizzle out, not be accountable, and drop the routine, but if you say like - i want to work on holding down dog for x amount of time, or i want to learn how to do a head stand, or i want to work on hip flexibility, or even just - i want to touch the floor in forward fold - having more tangible goals will really make you more motivated to do your routines and stick with it, even from home!

sorry this is really rambly and i dont know if its helpful at all!!! but if you wanna chat more about it or have any specific questions about anything at all let me know and i can try to help where i can!

#catrogue

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twiexmachina · 7 years ago

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I have a ryomarx mistaken number au that I never wrote, but yesterday, the tweet that Matt “voice of Ryoma” Mercer got shitfaced and passed out on the creator of Neopets couch and.

well.

i got inspired and it got out of hand. and i feel sorry for everyone on mobile.

🍣 22:25 grumpy 🍣 22:26 grumpy im so bored 🍣 22:26 i’m bored at a bar and that never happens 😭

😾 22:31 You? The life of the party? Bored? That never happens.

🍣 22:32 I KNOW 🍣 22:32 but alas 🍣 22:33 im bored

😾 22:35 So you’re texting me.

🍣 22:35 ya 🍣 22:36 dont get pouty grumpy 🍣 22:38 i like you and you’re good to talk to so i text you regularly. more than my friends who i actually socialize with

😾 22:39 I understand. So tell me what has you bored. Because I have a feeling that this doesn’t happen much.

🍣 22:40 u kno me so well 🍣 22:41 theres 2 reasons why i’m like this 🍣 22:42 the first is that because this is a friday so my jobmates go out and we drink

😾 22:43 You think you would be good at that.

🍣 22:44 YOUD THINK 🍣 22:45 but my usual friends had other stuff so they didn’t want to go out 🍣 22:46 my entire friend group grumpy 🍣 22:46 i kno the people here but i dont know them

😾 22:47 I hate that I can understand what that means, but go on.

🍣 22:48 mmmmmmmm 🍣 22:48 im tired of talking about me what are you up to

😾 22:49 You’re deflecting.

🍣 22:49 ya

😾 22:50 I’ll allow it 😾 22:51 I’m at home, as usual. It’s late so I’m just reading. My youngest sister went to bed so we have to be quiet.

🍣 22:52 dont u ever go out 🍣 22:53 ur always home reading

😾 22:51 Not particularly. 😾 22:54 Where I work, it’s tradition to go to some local bar and drink. Network, I guess. But I can’t handle that. 😾 22:57 I spend so much energy managing everyone and making sure that things get done, I can’t allocate the energy to go out and talk to people I barely know. 😾 22:58 So it’s just easier to go home, unwind around family, crash in peace. I also have things to do in the morning.

🍣 22:59 weekends arent your days off

😾 23:00 Exactly 😾 23:00 Also That Asshole would make a scene if I went. 😾 23:03 Make it a Big Deal that the resident hermit is going out to get drinks. If I decided to go, he would not leave me alone the entire night. If I don’t go, well isn’t that just standard. He accepts that I won’t go, so he says nothing.

🍣 23:04 what a prick

😾 23:04 I know.

🍣 23:05 i honestly hate that he’s always up your ass about things like that 🍣 23:06 like...........cant he tell?????? that youre overworked and tired????? 🍣 23:07 but thats kinda where im at right now 🍣 23:08 at ‘i don’t have the energy to talk to these people’ 🍣 23:09 i have before. we dont have anything in common except work. 🍣 23:10 i wouldnt mind talking but all there is is work

😾 23:11 You could recommend sushi places. Worked for me.

🍣 23:14 u underestimate urself. youre easy to talk to. youre grumpy but we do have similar interests and personality

😾 23:15 I like spelling more than you do though.

🍣 23:16 i spent time cultivating this style and both u and my sis get hilariously annoyed by this so it wont stop

😾 23:17 Thank you though. You’re comforting to talk with. 😾 23:23 You said there was another reason?

🍣 23:24 ya this bar only has good beer and its not buzzing the same way

😾 23:26 I didn’t think you partied that hard at a bar. Do you really need something hard?

🍣 23:26 ya 🍣 23:27 see its my dads fault

😾 23:28 I don’t know your age biut I was assuming that you were old enough to not be blaming things on your father.

🍣 23:31 nah not like that. my dad and moms took my little bro over to japan to see family. i didnt go because ~job~ but i always really liked going. dad brought back sake and ive been going over to hang out and drink and just talk. 🍣 23:32 dad brought back a lot of sake 🍣 23:32 it mustve had a big effect on me 🍣 23:33 because this beer is s h i t 🍣 23:34 do you even drink

😾 23:35 Yes, a glass of wine at dinner, most nights. Just a glass.

🍣 23:36 not surprised 🍣 23:37 do u buy vintage wine 🍣 23:38 ive recommended u the best japanese food to eat in the city recommend me a fine vintage good sir

😾 23:40 Not my thing, I just go to the local liquor store. I don’t need anything that fancy or extreme. 😾 23:41 Granted, my father owned a vineyard, so I do know that stuff, I choose not to care.

🍣 23:42 plz tell me u drink boxed wine to get back at your Rich Dick Father

😾 23:44 I don’t hate myself that much. 😾 23:50 Did the bar get more entertaining Sushi?

🍣 23:51 havent forgotten about you grumpy just getting more to drink

😾 23:53 I just realized that you’ve been there for over an hour. How much are you drinking?

🍣 23:54 grumpy youve never been to a bar have you

😾 23:55 Do clubs count?

🍣 23:56 grumpy 🍣 23:56 oh my god 🍣 23:56 grumpy goes clubbing

😾 23:57 I don’t go there in my spare time. I go there because my friend wants me there to be his wingman.

🍣 23:58 grumpy youre literally killing me im giggling at a bar 🍣 00:00 grumpy i think this is the first time that youve implied that you may have a sex life

😾 00:01 Don’t worry I don’t have a sex life. 😾 00:02 I don’t know why I didn’t realize that sentence was a mistake until I sent it. 😾 00:05 Anyway since you’re still dying, I should say that I don’t know why he takes me as a wingman because it goes three ways. 😾 00:06 Either he never had a chance because of just him himself, I fail as a wingman, or I end up getting their number instead.

🍣 00:07 g r u m p y

😾 00:08 i k n o w

🍣 00:09 oh god have you ever hooked up with someone you met in a bar 🍣 00:10 have you gotten a bathroom blowjob????

😾 00:10 You’ve been drinking too much. Also no, I like to be friends with someone before I date them, and especially before I have sex.

🍣 00:11 grumpy this is not drunk at all 🍣 00:12 i dont get drunk 🍣 00:12 i got shitfaced once 🍣 00:13 never again

😾 00:14 Tell me.

🍣 00:15 ugh i hate this memory 🍣 00:16 so have you ever played neopets 🍣 00:17 okay so i know thats a no 🍣 00:17 i haven’t either 🍣 00:18 but s o m e h o w i ended up in their hotel

😾 00:20 Sushi it’s midnight, I can’t be laughing.

🍣 00:21 dont laugh at my shame

😾 00:22 How did you even get there?

🍣 00:21 grumpy do u kno what shitfaced means 🍣 00:22 at least i didnt bang the neopets dude. i was clothed unfortunately because i threw up on it 🍣 00:23 some poor maid had to clean a couch i ruined 😖

😾 00:24 This is still hilarious but I’m seriously worried about you.

🍣 00:25 we cant all be ~rational~ 🍣 00:25 can u still be my friend knowing im like this

😾 00:26 Of course.

🍣 00:35 hey can u start to use emojis or loose grammar or something so you dont make my jokes serious like this

😾 00:37 My opinion of you started incredibly low considering you dialed the wrong number and then proceeded to continue talking to me.

🍣 00:38 yes perfect deflection thank you 🍣 00:40 I’m glad my fat fingers dialed your number. youre a good friend 🍣 00:50 guess you fell asleep good night grumpy. thanks for talking with me. i didnt realize how late it was because time flies when i talk to you

#twiexfanfiction #twiexdrabbles #wrong number au #long post #why should i write my novel when i can write text conversations

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overbakedone · 6 years ago

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this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know.

thanks for listening i guess

#self #baking #life #thoughts

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artcanary · 7 years ago

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1-50

oh my god dude

im gonna put this under a cut bc this is a lot. this is a ride, have fun i guess

1. Your first OC ever?god. its got to be Super Kitty. when i was like … an incredibly small child I used to draw comic strips about this feline caped crusader, who was friends with everyone in the city, and the comics always involved him stopping an evil banana man from stealing money from the local bank. He was paid with donuts for his service to the city. i still remember how to draw him.

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?i’d get arrested if I didn’t answer this with Bronze, probably… but really, they’re very important to me

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?man, i cant remember! i really dont think i have… P:

4. A character you rarely talk about?there’s loads of characters ive never even posted a single picture of on tumblr, i wouldnt even know where to start asdf

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? bronze is the easy answer, but… i guess that could also go to Servant or Westrin. Servant has a comic project in the works that basically stars him, sort of a series of one-shots about the things he’s experienced, i feel like that would be a good thing to take off and run with. Westrin’s just fun as hell, i love the guy.

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?real talk now… there’s at least five different characters that i refer to as a whole as “bronze-tangential”, who started out as, “what would bronze be like if they were in this world?” and then becoming their own thing within said world because i just get stupid attached

its an epidemic

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?nearly all of them, actually. that’s the main reason i make characters, after all! too many to really go into specifics here, again P:

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!not often, but i think Bronze and Westrin are the most common ones. unless playing a character in dnd, or running an npc in dnd counts… then a whole lot more hahaha

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?it depends on the circumstances. i don’t really like the idea, though.

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? Westrin’s old getup is a pain to draw, and there was one other design i did that I cant find anywhere… whichever way, i dont often tend to draw super complicated things often

a couple fakemon ive designed though… heheh those can get pretty finicky

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? hmmmmmmmm my immediate thought was Eric Silverdale from a comic i was working on a few years ago. hes a darling, i want him to be my friend irl

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lothow could you do this to me i love each and every one of all my friends ocs GOD the first one who comes to mind is @d20-official‘s Smith, whos Bronze’s friend… everyone in that DND party actually

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Rated on a scale from “harmless” to “honestly somewhat frightening”: -Baromet (charming and quite friendly but definitely a kleptomaniac),-Westrin (demigod of bards and travelers), -XEN09 (a nonsense hacker), -Conny (needlessly contrarian and dumb as HELL), -Enza Colie (long fucking story but hes a good-for-nothing), -Hemlocke (mad scientist, chaotic evil), -Iris (AI and hacker, VERY bad), -The Terminus (glitch-in-the-matrix demon, chaotic evil), -and Sydd (the Queen of the Faeries, hopefully the danger there needs no explaining :’D)

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory Mmm… there’s a few of them, most obviously Lent (whose background I did a short comic about). Basically his entire town got eaten by ghosts and turned into zombies, he only barely survived with a sliver of his soul left.

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?yes, i often discuss storylines and such with friends

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Probably Bronze’s dad! I don’t talk about him much, but his name’s Devon Reed, and he was a biotech developer specialising in android design.

I often describe him as being something of a reverse Arthur Weasley - a very fatherly scientist fascinated to the moon and back with the concept of magic.

17. Any OC OTPs? having trouble thinking of a lot of them right now, but there’s Eric + Lent & Naiadine + Tailias from Emerald Sigil, Avken + Baromet from my space campaign world, Sydd + Wyvv from my unnamed campaign world, and I’ve been considering Westrin + Servant as an interesting dynamic in Servant’s story

18. Any OC crackships? My character Bismuth and @autistictimeknight‘s oc Eros. Theyre so fucking in love, I love it. Its been awhile but I do still think about them sometimes.

As I recall, Eros is an empath, she can read other people’s emotions. But Bismuth is a robot, and Eros can’t read her. Because of this Eros can let go of her fear of unintentionally manipulating the emotions of her date, which would hold her back from most other relationships.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)Hey, meet Bronze! I definitely do not talk about them every five minutes, why would you say that.

Bronze was with me through two of the hardest years of my life so far, and being a DND character they grew with me, both as a fighter and as a person. They were non-binary before I started using those pronouns, they were the first character or person or anything who I fought someone about using the right pronouns for, they make a great icebreaker for if I want to see how someone reacts to non-binary pronouns …

One funny anecdote about Bronze is that when I first made them, their “gimmick” was that they would sometimes glitch out and mess up their speech, mostly because I wanted an excuse not to engage in the roleplaying (which I was very bad at). The interesting thing is that as I got better at interacting with the group, we both grew out of needing it very quickly.

I’m very proud of Bronze.

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?Westrin is a bard! His singing voice sounds like Bill Wurtz and these are his theme songs.

21. Your most artistic OCProbably Westrin again, he writes a lot of songs… and Hallux is a game designer?

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? I honestly dont know… no-one talks to me about them, haha!

people use all manner of pronouns for bronze, though.

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?I’m gonna go with Enza for this one. Enza Colie was originally written entirely because I wanted an antagonist for a short starring his sister, Jane Colie. But the more I fleshed out his reasonings for acting how he did and explored his character, the more I realised he’d make an even more interesting character if allowed to have a redemption arc, too.

I just want to state for the record that I was very reluctant to the idea, and he basically dragged his way out of the villain pit entirely of his own accord. I am dubiously proud of him, and also a bit scared.

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?Probably either Eric (Big Man, Best Friend), Crocus (Mother figure), Reed (Father Figure), Westrin (hed just make a good friend u kno??), or Bismuth (she makes good conversation!)

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)probably the homestuck fan-troll Hallux, but that’s mostly because they were based on a troll-sona I made awhile ago. They’re a hope/prospit game designer who is small and full of rage and love

oh, and there’s dave! dave’s a superhero speedster, existing in a modern-day superhero version of seattle. theyre idiot, just like me,

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? this is an interesting one… i don’t think ive ever had something Bad in a design ive done called to my attention by someone, but I did create my character Servant at around the same time I was first really expanding the diversity of my casts. (since i don’t talk about him often, a little context: he’s a magic spirit creature bound to human form to serve the royal family of the land and follow their orders.)

somehow, younger-and-more-stupid me managed to have the revelation that making this “eternal slave” character literally anything other than a white man, especially as a white author, would be Pretty Not Good. im … thats really, really not something i should pat myself on the back for, but i do consider it one of the biggest bullets dodged in my artistic career so far that i realised that not all representation is good representation so quickly, before i could make that incredibly, incurably stupid mistake.

after that, trying to make sure my characters and their presentations don’t harm anyone pretty much has become a paranoia. i don’t seem to have stepped on any toes yet, but when it inevitably happens, please let me know - i didnt know, and i want to fix it!

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? None that I can think of, actually! I don’t really do that often.

28. Your most dangerous OC? god damn it i have no idea!!! is it the terminus? glitch in the matrix god of chaos motherfucker?is it sarle? terrifying calculating scientist with the power of the soul at her fingertips ??? is it ares??? is it athena????? is it petra?????? the gatekeeper????

… actually, the gatekeeper might be it, if “dangerous” just refers to “the amount of raw power it can wield”. the Gatekeeper is a titanic entity that exists in interdimensional multiverse space, and its implied to have the ability to create and destroy entire universe bubbles at will. for what cosmic purpose, no-one knows.

at a more personal scale, though, literally all of the aforementioned characters are pretty bad to run into too.

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?god. Mina or Tawn. Tawn is the Indiana Jonesy type and probably dumb enough, but also competent enough not to get into too much trouble there. Mina would probably drag her friends along.

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? XEN09. No-one knows, because no-one knows xir personal identity. Xe absolutely does, though. It’s less of a secret if you know xir in person, but good luck finding out about it otherwise.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)dave just reblogs memes all the time tbh. they like to keep tabs on the ridiculous superhero news going on, and they show human jokes and cat videos to their alien gf. they dont really post or add to posts, but they talk in tags a lot.

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? i want to say tawn because i literally just realised ive been imagining their voice as sounding like luigi this entire fucking time and i never realised until this exact instant

33. Your shyest OC?probably baromet. they prefer to keep to themself in their hideout, with their collection of shiny things. they don’t really enjoy trying to communicate much, mostly because they expect to get yelled at.

34. Do you have any twin characters?Yes! At least two sets;

- Crocus and Sarle. (x) (x) They don’t exactly have a very well-developed relationship, but they are both quite important to the plot of my campaign world, and they are both very interesting. Crocus is a motherly figure who just exudes friendliness, while Sarle is .. very much not that, a researcher studying very gruesome things and pushing the boundaries of reality.

- Jane and Enza Colie. I haven’t talked a whole lot about either of them here, but I’d rather leave their story to do the talking whenever I get around to it. Essentially, the both of them were intended to do the dirty work for their crime boss family, but Jane ditched to study medicine. Most of the conflict between the two of them comes out of Enza not understanding why she made the choice she did, and coming to understand how he’s been manipulated.

35. Any sibling characters? I can’t really think of any off the top of my head, I should … I should really work on that.

I can talk about Westrin, though. Westrin (a demigod of many things, but namely bards, travel, travelers, and people who are lost) often becomes close friends with mortals, sometimes practically adopting them. These people who consider him family, and people who have received his blessing, are able to use his surname, Brilanta, as their own if they choose. So I guess all of the Brilantas are siblings, at least in spirit.

Oh, and XEN09 has like, seven siblings. Xe is the second-oldest, and least remarkable.

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? I already talked about Eros and Bismuth up there a ways in question 18, but I’ll talk about another relationship here. @autistictimeknight‘s character, Nova the Alchemist, is mentor and adopted parental figure to my character Munna. Munna … Munna isn’t a very good apprentice. She tries very hard.

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human That’s most of them, I’m not quite sure what to say here. Bronze is an android? Bronze again? Westrin? All the aliens ??

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? man. uh. westrin or jean. or perhaps valencia.

39. Introduce any character you want ??? uhhhHHHhhHHH Lord Brillium is the reigning deity of the Cloud Kingdoms in the other campaign setting I’m working on. They represent light and the quest for knowledge, and spend most of their days in the Cathedral Observatory watching the stars.

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!one time bronze flew a hover-bike through the stained glass window in a cathedral blaring all star by smash mouth on their iguana

also one time bronze rickrolled a rakshasa demon and then pulled updog on it like, two minutes later

another time bronze scared off an entire army by pretending to be an automated security system

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)ive got a whole little folder on here from all you blessed people !!!! right now ive got a drawing quinn did of one o fmy characters as my lockscreen

but i think the one i’ll really never ever get over is this piece of Jane, by @rabendraws / @owoltron:

(i bet you thought i forgot about this, dude. dude. think again.)

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? this is kind of a weird question, m, I feel like Bismuth would find learning about the mythos utterly fascinating, as would Tawn.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confesshaha. uh. i might.

aside from the entire “bronze-tangential characters” thing i mentioned awhile back, I tend to really like designing characters with hair color lighter than their skin color. it just looks so cool man. i love drawing freckles but dont put them on enough characters. i like really curly hair, but also really long and flowy hair. i like drawing triangular body types, and pointy/prominent noses.

44. Something you like about your OCs in generaluhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is a really vague question. m. m.

45. A character you no longer use?there’s old versions of characters, but a lot of my older ones have been somehow repurposed. I guess there’s Turien, my first-ever DND character, who’s just kind of sitting dead now. Haven’t really done anything with him other than a pretty recent tangential character.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?Not that I can think of.

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? Im certain it’s happened, but I can’t remember any specific instances.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pureSpring. spring knows nothing of th dangers of the world who is letting them into fights someon eneeds to stop this

(spring roll, hehe.)

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memesim not sure what this question is asking since many of my ocs actively enjoy memes including but not limited to westrin, dave, bronze, xen09, iris, and doctor archersen

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you wanti think. i think im going to pass on this one. i gave you the good old oc talk. your damn turn, yall:

if you have any questions about any of these guys feel free to shoot one at me!

thats all from me im tired and its one am. techskylander you absolute madman

#yetanotherOCmeme #WHY #personal

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