#that's your corpse animated by magic
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My head canon for Ichigo: he's been dead since Urahara cut his soul chain, his body was prepared so it wouldn't decay/he could use it as a gigai and it would age. He should have been unable to go back to it at the end of the manga given his power levels, thus realising his dead from the start status.
But also what a reveal would that have been, to know you were dead and in bought time from the moment you decided to go to the afterlife to save your best friend (who's also been dead from the beginning). You chose her world (that's also yours) and you didn't now.
Also Urahara being a creep and doing Ichigo body as a gigai and not telling a soul.
#bleach#my thoughts#ichigo kurosaki#that is one dead dead boy#bring me the horror back#the creeping suspicion as Ichigo powers up and goes through the manga#he doesn't belong to the living (anyone that his father does anyways)#that is as much as he can make himself so#which could have been enough if not for his botched apotheosis#(ending#what ending? bleach didn't end)#The way bleach treats Ichigo body as something to put and quit is soooo creepy#when your body is no longer associated with yourself bc your soul has vacated it that's a cadaver people#that's your corpse animated by magic#but Urahara can bring back the dead to the living with his super special gigai#so I don't see how he didn't gave Ichigo body some special treatment#and given it is his natural body it was easy too
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Fellow arsonists and dearest onlookers,
THIS is the reminder you needed to maybe, just maybe, remember some idiot dragging along Cazador's corpse all around Baldur's Gate (for like most of Act 3, as I kinda ran into this palace at level 9 like a fucking idiot not knowing where tf I am until I thought, oh just fuck it and go through with it now (I did die a lot...)
I would like to present the "Bag Of Death- Shenanigans" to you!
These determined adventurers swore themselves to be as fucking ✨dramatic✨ as possible.
So they started putting every corpse of their enemies in a backpack. Which they then put into their camp chest. While they do often fight about who is a worse influence on the other, they can agree on being insufferable as a team thus I need you to imagine Mazikeen (my Tav) arranging this pile of corpses while Lord Fangs is just standing by complimenting her on the creative display and giving signature sass. He's not helping. Of course he's not. Why should he, his job is to make this shit burn. He's also 15 points behind on strength compared to her. I love the thought of her moving and carrying stuff for his majesty, Lord Fangs.
But anyway.... I'm straying...
Their teammates hate them & their bullshittery, all these two wanna do is commit arson all the fucking time. You thought Karlach is starting fires? Nuh uh, it's this hellfire duo, they're just little devils, all mischief, all mayhem- all the time. I love them for this. (Tbh we all know it's just me, I'm Fãerun's most pathetic revenge seeking arsonist.)
Also Astarion very much deserved to igni the fuck out of this pile (what a weird way to spell Cazador).
Thank you for your attention, here's to having fun with fire!
#“igni the fuck outta this” is a catchphrase we use a lot at home thanks to geralt of rivia and myself- the arsonist#my partner thinks it's the funniest thing ever I ALWAYS burn everything down in video games#as yennefer would say “fire magic is dangerous blabla” i nod while casting fireball behind my back#far cry 5? i get rid of those lions by throwing dynamite at them sorry#please don't come at me i love animals more than myself but those are pixels#not a barrelmancer tho but I could always start#someone gave me fire#i apologize for the lack of editing it would look awful if i tried#your honor i love these fuckheads#and i mean all of them#wished they all came to watch but i am currently playing 100% unmodded#love how exploding a lot of corpses gives us inspiration it feels very in character for this team#it's just bc of the rune bomb but anyways#that's enough tags- i've made my point of being a firewitch#fun#baldur's gate 3#baldur’s gate 3#funny#baldurs gate#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate#bg3#astarion#astarion bg3#astarion ancunin
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the setting itself can be the monster... but also... a lover? much to think about
#random thoughts#thinking about a house which is alive and is obsessed with you#and it has full control of whatever non-living items lay inside its walls#(with of course one of the horror aspects being 'if something dies it is now an object and can be controlled')#(which could be used for a 'the house kills your spouse and then takes control of their body to love you like it thinks your spouse should')#(and as long as the body stays inside the house it stays intact but if a long time passes and it leaves it fucking insta rots)#i think a lot of what the house does is just to keep you from leaving#from seemingly innocuous stuff like 'oh we're out of milk i should go buy some-nevermind i found a half pint in the back of the fridge'#to stuff like making fake phone calls so you think your friends keep canceling plans on you while you're seemingly ghosting your friends#to just straight-up making a fake outside. i imagine this would be very taxing on the house for long periods of time (su rose's room)#now i'm imagining the house possessing your spouse's corpse and remolding it to fit what it wants to look like better#either as a form of self-expression or from a place of perfectionism ('those slightly uneven eyes have been bugging me for MONTHS')#the house is a control freak perfectionist and likes you being inside where it knows everything and can control all#no privacy at all#i doubt the house's perception is all-seeing so let's say you can tell it's watching if things in the same room as you are being adjusted#a slightly ajar kitchen cabinet being gently closed. stuffed animals adjusting their positions to be in a perfect row.#and if it's feeling particularly ominous the stuffed animals could all be turned to look at your bed#imagine you sleep with a favorite stuffed animal and as you're drifting off you could SWEAR it adjusted itself in your arms#almost like it was getting comfortable...#horror#and of course the spouse doesn't believe anything you say and thinks you're going crazy so. accidental gaslighting#it would culminate in a screaming match between you and your spouse and your spouse moves as to hit you#and SNAP the house force-snaps their neck#or maybe there's a rube goldberg machine going on in the background of a gun magically loading and firing itself directly into their skull#spouse drops dead. pin-drop quiet. GETS up. brushes itself off. 'well that's a bit better'#imagining 1950s btw. something about the horror of your home being both your prison and your solace#you are a housewife and you and your husband just moved into this edwardian-era townhouse in the hopes of starting a family#your husband works a lot so of course you're the one who notices the house being fucking weird#maybe at first you assume it's a ghost and you're a bit scared until you find a way to communicate and then you just have a new friend#maybe your only friend in a new town
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My brain created an entire gacha game for my dream last night and honestly I'm sad it's not real.
#it was like limbus in that it was darker and les fan service-y#but some of the designs looked straight out of the popular open world gacha game#not saying the name because yeah#the game basically had three differnt storylines#each one was based on what your job in the group#it was manager member or doctor (these are the basic idea behind them)#the characters you rolled the gacha for were called animates (like animated)#they were basically constructs made from bodies magic and the corpses of fellow animates to fight off an evil group seeking world destructio#in the 3 separate jobs you basically got treated differently by the animates and they had different abilities#in the 'manager' role you are a person recruited by the group that controls the animates#you were recruited for your effective leadership ability and are assigned an ever changing team of animates#you basically go through a similar battle system as most phone gacha games#with the 'member' role you *are* an animate#you get to see the horrifying nature of the animates' creation as the first animate and get a glimpse at the doctor role#a similar battle style to the last one but you control a singular animate and are in first person#the 'doctor' role is where the darkness of the game is turned up to an eleven#you play as the current person who brings the animates to life#you of course are an animate yourself but of the one who created the animates#you can't remember anything before you became an animate yourself but it doesn't matter to you#you act as the 'doctor' putting animates back together and even creating new ones from the fallen#your relationship with the animates is bad they see you as a monster with some even refusing to speak to you#the gameplay would be repairing or putting back together the animates after battles#how well you did in the manager role is taken and used for the doctor role#basically you play a manager level then play a doctor level and repeat#the member levels are a secondary story that is slightly off and is unlocked when the main story is near completion#it reveals that the organization you work under didn't create the animates and are using them to fight the group that did#however that group isn't evil and are in fact trying to stop your organization from committing their crimes against humanity#yeah this is alot but it is part my dream and part me expanding upon the concept#i really want to either make it or make a fake version of it#undercover speaks
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🟥 Red - Slasher. You find yourself in the middle of a massacre, surrounded by corpses and covered in blood. Are you the final one, or the one who did this?
🟧 Orange - Monster movie. Something not human, not animal, has tracked you down, going after you. You don't know what it wants, but are you going to risk meeting it?
🟨 Yellow - Musical horror. For some reason, whenever someone is going through something, they feel like needing to express their feelings and thoughts through singing and dancing. And you are starting to feel it too.
🟩 Green - Disease horror. The world has been taken over by the fatal disease, jumping from person to person, making them sick in horrifying way. You don't know if you're immune or not, but you may not want to start licking the handrails.
🟦 Blue - Psychological horror. Everything is dark and melancholic, you don't know if you can trust your senses or anyone around you. All you know for certain something's off and you're afraid.
🟪 Purple - Cosmic horror. In front of something unknown, you feel more helpless than you have ever felt. You lose the sense of the human instinct of being something, and it breaks you down mentally when the unknown reaches you.
⬛ Black - Survival horror. Lost and alone, barely having anything of your gear you rely on with you. Nothing but unforgiving nature forces around you - or maybe there's something else out there.
⬜ White - Supernatural horror. There's a great pressuring feeling where you are, like something you can't see or explain has seen you and wants you out. There's unseen eyes in the dark.
🌈 Rainbow - Scary Movie (2000)
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Jayvik becomes objectively more tragic when you remember that Jayce’s whole life, he has been entranced by magic. It was his reason to research, to pursue discovery- when he was faced with losing it, he was prepared to end it all.
And then Viktor became that magic. He literally embodied it and became one with the magic that Jayce was enraptured by, and it was all Jayce’s fault-
And then that magic turned out to be corrupt. Dangerous. And again- it was All. Jayce’s. Fault. He dreamt too big. Flew too close to the sun. Fucked his and Viktor’s and everyone is Piltover’s lives up, without anyone’s consent but his own.
Imagine the guilt of that, for a second. That your entire life’s purpose became the biggest threat to life itself. That your greatest discovery would lead to the greatest destruction your world has ever seen.
And not only that- but it is animating the corpse of your partner, is connected to their soul in a way that you cannot undo-
I do not blame Jayce for snapping, for destroying what he’d created. It must’ve cleaved his heart into two, to do so. In one fell swoop, the two reasons he’d had for existing- Viktor and his magic- gone.
It was not callous. It was not cold. It was a kamikaze mission for Jayce.
Viktor’s death was akin to Jayce’s own. In bringing down the axe on Viktor, he tightened the noose around his own neck.
In killing Viktor, he killed them both.
#i get so upset when people say they hate him now like yall don’t GET IT#jayvik#jayce#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#viktor#viktor arcane#jayce talis
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Hi, are you still looking for Baldur's Gate 3 requests? Could you please write something about the main BG3 Companions (+ our boi Halsin) with a Tav/reader who's really short and adorable and just an absolute sweetheart but is horrifyingly powerful in their lore? Like NPCs who know about them back away in fear kinda thing. Maybe Tav can even transform into some sort of battle form where they're like 9 feet tall (as opposed to their usual height of like 4' 10") and can absolutely kick ass on the battlefield?
Thanks so much, I hope you have a wonderful day! Take care!
bg3 companions with a adorably powerful tav
Navigation | More Weirdos | AO3
synopsis: Who could imagine such a sweet thing as you had the reputation of a hero?
warnings: companions (lae'zel, shadowheart, astarion, gale dekarios, wyll ravengard, karlach, halsin, jaheira) x tav. fluff.
note: thank you for your request! oh gods how i missed writing headcanons. i hope you like this, have a wonderful day!
Lae'zel
Lae'zel knew your shared condition had a cure, and was willing to put herself in danger by taking the entire party with her to the nearest crèche. That being said, how couldn't she judge you?
You were too easy on everyone. Making promises you clearly shouldn't, taking them seriously despite her best efforts to put some sense in your head. The party was supposed to only stop walking when surrounded by githyankis, but no burdened tiefling or hurt animal escaped your careful gaze.
That you knew how to fight surprised her, but to see fear and admiration in the eyes of civillians... that made Lae'zel pay more attention to you. You had a reputation. Not as a writer, bard or patron. You're know for striking down your enemies.
Fighting at the goblin's camp, there were so many oponents even Lae'zel didn't knew if it would be her last fight. You saw it too, so you made sure to use everything you had to win. Even if you would rather not turn into an eldritch creature.
She got enchanted by your battle form. Steel and iron where nothing against the pure strenght of your skin. Whatever crossed your path that day suffered at your hands.
That was the first time Lae'zel got happy for being wrong about someone.
"Perhaps I've judged you too hard. You are fierce, foracious, as sharp as my sword and as brave as a red dragon. Keep on surprising me and a istik you'll be no more."
Shadowheart
Shadowheart couldn't care less about the tieflings and their problems, but it was endearing to watch you wandering throught the Coast in an attempt to ensure their safety. It was a sight she couldn't expect to observe in this journey, not when considering the worm twitching behind her eye and the artifact messing with their dreams.
Still, you could shut down her biggest fears with ease. While she tried to remain quiet, you were full of kind words to share with whoever was near. You care for all beings, great and small, and Shadowheart can respect that. A person without a truth to follow is empty, but one with a mission turns into so much more than just a walking corpse.
She focused on protecting you during fights. Always giving you some sort of magic shield, casting sanctuary, begging you to drink potions and elixirs that would keep you safe.
Goblins attacked, and for a second everyone was too surprised to react properly. Except by you. You were quick to defend your party, to fight for them, and won a fight no one was preparad to.
Shadowheart decided not to underestimate you again. Kind words, gentle actions, caring gaze: she was so focused on her own view about you that forgot to pay attention to the way everyone else saw you.
You're powerful. The kinda of powerful that their party had to be grateful that you were fighting besides them.
When you revealed your beast form to her, Shadowheart already knew you were a sight to behold.
"You are full of surprises, aren't you? Good. I like how you keep me on my toes, love."
Astarion
In theory, he should've been delighted with your personality. You were the perfect prey. A leader so sweet, he could change your mind at his will and you wouldn't even noticed. Others respect you. Astarion would be safe and sound.
But Astarion isn't capable of forgetting how easily you fought back when he tried to fool you. How he didn't even saw you moving, and was alone on the floor before he could understand what had hit him.
Instead of a person, you were a walking question mark. How can you be so sickenly adorable, and still so ready to strike down your enemies? Were did the sweet half of you finished and the other one started?
People know you. He saw respect in druid's eyes, fear when goblins heard your name. Halsin knew about you. And so did Minthara.
Few are able to live up to their reputation, but you're one of those. So strong, so brave, but your kindness wasn't ignored by him. It was as if in your head the whole world deserved your kindness, until it did no more. Only then you react.
Astarion don't know what to think about it.
When you attacked as a beast, tearing spiders apart as if they were a piece of meat in your plate, Astarion laughed until his belly ache.
How could be so right and so wrong about someone?
"Don't mind me, darling. I'm just rejoicing at the sight of your bloody hands. Come here. Let me taste your heroic mess."
Gale Dekarios
Gale learned two things about you when you pulled him out of stone: you were kind, and so damn strong.
You were adorable. A perfect equation between what people must do in order to survive and what they must do in order to live well. He can't see you not being surrounded by friends and admirers, all enchanted by your sweet words and rightful attacks.
He feared the party's reaction to the Orb, but a part of him knew you would let him stay. He never imagined you would give him magic artifacts without a second question, or that you would hug him after he told you his whole story.
You didn't let him go. Neither did Gale.
To say he was willing to agree with whatever you did was to say his heart beats. It was only natural. Maybe you both differ on the path you want to take, but the destination is usually the same.
When he saw you feral, body changing to give space to something else, Gale wondered if he was one of those enchanted people surrounding you. If he wasn't fighting for his life, Gale would gadly gaze upon you for the rest of the day.
"Disgusted? I was unable to look away from you! You are the one I love, no claws or tentacles will ever change that. Must I add, my love, your light remains strong in whatever form you decide to use."
Wyll Ravengard
To say the least, he's a fan. Oh, how lovely are the tales of your adventures through Faêrun. He remember arguing with bards about the accuracy of their versions and the reason behind their choice of words. You were what a hero must aim to.
How long were the nights he spend wandering after he was casted out of Baldur's Gate. Lonely nights, but never silent. Wyll's mind fought against itself. He lost everything to help and protect others. Sometimes he worried if he had lost himself too.
Your tales weren't his salvation. None of them shut down those voices that insisted on telling him about the mistakes he made, neither did them shut Mizora. But they inspired him. If you did all those things, remained human even as a beast, he could survive a talkative cambion. Wyll Ravengard can defeat her by staying loyal to himself.
Wyll didn't had to hear your name to know you were fighting next to him, defending the grove against goblins and worgs. He saw enough drawings of you to recognize you from miles afar. When you asked him to be a member of your party, Wyll felt as if a million fireworks exploded inside his chest at the same time.
He did felt anger and pain because of the tadpole, but never fear. Fighting beside you, Wyll knew he didn't had to fear for his future. And after seeing how willing you were to argue with multiple cambions, he started to have hope.
"I used to read about legends, myths of bravery and rightousness. Some see it as just tales for the naive. Thank you, my heart. For proving them wrong time after time."
Karlach
She's the only one with an excuse for not knowing who you are. When strangers call you by your entire name, when companions use your epithet: Karlach just never thought about it. She ignored it, paying no mind to others.
But Karlach did knew you were a absolute sweetheart. What you didn't had of height you compensate with a gigantic personality. For her, the way you behaved was simply alluring.
While many prefer to think the world is a bad place and no one living there can chose to be or do better, you are just another reason for her to know that it's bullshit. Because Karlach is good, despise it all. And Wyll. And you.
And Minsc!!!
You had a fire on you whenever you had to fight. She didn't need to know your story to see how great you can be. Some people just have that. She don't know if that fire is born or forged, but some people just have it.
To see you as a beast made her the most happy woman in Faêrun. She got speechless, all she could do was laugh and run around to have a better view of you ending the Steel Watch.
"You got 'em, soldier! Go on, bite his arm off! You see that monster over there? The one with glowing eyes. That's the love of my fucking life."
Halsin
He saw you before. Druids and harpist fought against sharrans, and you were one of the heroes who joined their cause. At that time Halsin didn't talked to you, but he knew you fought until the very end and stayed to help with the infirm.
When you rescued him, Halsin knew you remembered him too. There was some understanding between you both, a companionship that only those who foght together can share.
He knew you were a hero, one of those who fight wars that don't affect them because someone needs too, but your personality was a good surprise. Halsin haven't imagined you so easy going. Always offering smiles, light jokes, being clumsy without a care when danger was far away.
After the battle against sharrans, he thought those who refered to you as a monster were trying to make others understand how eficient you were. It surprised him to see they were just being honest.
Nothing would stop Halsin from turning into a bear and joining you.
"In this damned city, you are a beacon of hope. The Oak Father graced us with your light. From your fiece strikes to your honey soaked words... I am lucky to live at the same time as you, my love."
Jaheira
As a fellow adventurer, it surprised Jaheira that you weren't already tired. You both lived for so long, did so much, it would be only natural for you to give a pause on your endless smiles and envied patience. She was wrong, but that wasn't a bad thing.
Jaheira knew how this life can steal things from you. Peace feels like a threat, to stop make you feel like a prey, to laugh makes you wonder if it will be the last time. Is impossible to be a hero without losing. She's glad you didn't lose yourself in your path.
There was an unspoken pact between you both. The stories, the songs, the faux memories. So many think to know everything about you two. Sometimes Jaheira will read you a book you're in when she knows it's a shameless lie, and you sing her songs about adventures she did not lived.
Your laugh could make her feel younger. Alive. You both were so differents, but knew each other in a way few could.
Whenever you chose to strike as a monster, she would join you as a myrmidon and had her fun. You both deserve it.
"I did well not underestimating you, cub. It is impossible not to laugh at those who can't see how your bright smile hides sharp fangs. As pretty as a diamond, and as fierce too."
if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡
BALDUR’S GATE 3 TAGLIST: @citrusbunnies
@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.
#madwomansapologist#ask box#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowheart x tav#shadowheart x reader#shadowheart#lae'zel x tav#lae'zel x reader#lae'zel#astarion#astarion x tav#astarion x reader#karlach#karlach x reader#karlach x tav#halsin x reader#halsin x tav#halsin#gale x reader#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios x reader#gale dekarios x tav#gale x tav#wyll ravengard#wyll ravengard x reader#wyll ravengard x tav#jaheira x tav#jaheira
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Ranking All Elden Ring Bosses by Fuckability
It was only a matter of time until I made a post like this. (And an equally horrible post featuring the DLC bosses.)
In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with and are not actively trying to kill you.
Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate.
It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.
Explanation of Grading system:
Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)
These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.
Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)
Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.
Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)
These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.
Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)
I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?
Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)
These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.
Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)
These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.
Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)
These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.
Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)
These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.
Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)
These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.
Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.
Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)
Dragonkin Soldier:
Mindless beast
Astel, Naturalborn of the Void
Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.
Fia's Champions:
Ghosts, simps.
Regal Ancestor Spirit
Animal
Erdtree Avatar
A plant
Great Wyrm Theodorix
Mindless beast.
Ulcerated Tree Spirit
A plant, no junk
Tibia Mariner:
Skeleton
Red Wolf of the Champion:
Animal.
Full-Grown Fallingstar Beast
Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.
Abductor Virgin
First off, just some snakes in a robot. Second, virgin.
Erdtree Burial Watchdog
Stone gargoyle
Crystalians
Non-organic
Mad Pumpkin Heads
Unable to consent due to madness.
Cemetery Shade
Unable to consent due to mind controlling parasite.
Spirit-Caller Snail
Animal
Runebear
Animal
Miranda the Blighted Bloom
A plant
Guardian Golem
Stone gargoyle
Starscourge Radahn:
Unable to consent due to madness
Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)
Elden Beast:
Too catholic.
Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing:
Dick game weak - unironically posts joker memes.
Omenkiller:
Basically a cop.
Necromancer Garris:
Killed his family, not a good husband.
Royal Revenant:
Won't stop screaming (in an unsexy way)
Godrick the Grafted:
Incel - Also all that murder and torture business but mostly the Incel stuff.
Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)
Valiant Gargoyle:
Could probably have sex if it wanted to, but is kinda going through a lot right now. Ya know, that whole "Is made of several corpses mashed together" thing.
Malenia, Blade of Miquella:
Look, I ALSO wanted her to higher up on this list, but let's be honest here. Her body is rotting and falling apart, she just isn't up for sex in her current form. In her prime? She'd be top of the list. She's the daughter of Marika and Radagon, she'd be playing fuck/marry/kill with every warrior who crossed her path. (in that order)
Death Rite Bird:
I think it might be physically capable of sex, but is too busy burning corpses to bother with stuff like that.
Black Blade Kindred:
Same reason as the Valiant Gargoyle but you might have like 2% more of a chance because they are goth.
Maliketh, the Black Blade:
Would normally be a sex god, but is too religious. Probably took a vow about this sort of thing.
Morgott, the Omen King:
You kidding me? This guy has the same energy as a repressed youth pastor. He's gonna be a virgin till the day he dies. The dude sided with the same religious order that locked him a sewer and tried to kill him. He's not out there getting phone numbers he's too busy praying and judging others for their 'impure thoughts'.
Draconic Tree Sentinel:
Married to his job, also physically chained to his horse. He ain't taking off that armor anytime soon.
Wormface:
Too sad, leave him alone his face is full of worms.
Tree Sentinel:
Same as the Draconic Tree Sentinel but he's a tiny bit more naive so you might have a better chance.
Elder Dragon Greyoll:
Too sleepy, but still kinda a milf.
Grafted Scion:
There might be some genitals in there somewhere but I don't think they know how or even want to use them.
Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)
Esgar, Priest of Blood:
No sense of hygiene, is always covered in blood (in an unsexy way)
Mohg, Lord of Blood:
This loser is dripping with all the least sexy bodily fluids and he has sharp horns sticking out of him. Even if you got him in bed you'd only enjoy like 5% of it. Plus you just know he'd be all needy afterwards and try to get you to join his MLM.
Borealis the Freezing Fog:
Too cold, not a snuggler.
Elemer of the Briar:
The armor stays ON during sex.
Kindred of Rot:
It's like all the worst possible aspects of alien biology, it won't be nearly as fun as you hoped.
Sanguine Noble:
Same as all the other Mohg followers, too sticky and too smelly.
Decaying Ekzykes:
He's sick right now, leave him alone.
Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)
Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree:
I'm sure she'd be a decent lover. Maybe a little overzealous but she'd has good intentions.
Grave Warden Duelist:
I mean these guys are hot and probably fuck like a truck but they are not the most caring lovers, also they are covered in live snakes so there is that.
Night's Cavalry:
If you like goth knights I'm sure they'd be fine.
Alabaster Lord:
Their skin probably feels like stone, but I bet they can pull off all sorts of freaky zero-g sex stuff if you ask them.
Onyx Lord:
Same as the Alabaster Lord but slightly more goth.
Fell Twins:
Once you get past the horns and stuff I bet the Omens are actually pretty good in bed, just watch out.
Demi-Human Queens:
I feel like all Demi-humans are pretty good lovers but their biology probably has some unexpected drawbacks.
Stonedigger Troll:
If you can get past the texture and the size I bet they could be decent in bed.
Flying Dragon Greyll:
A surprisingly unsexy dragon, but a dragon is a dragon and still worth at least a one night stand.
Glintstone Dragon Smarag:
A dragon willing to kill racist magic users, earns them a few extra points.
Beastman of Farum Azula:
On one hand the Beastmen probably have crazy mating skills, but they are also zombies, which detracts some points for all the decay.
Battlemage Hugues:
Contrary to popular belief, Wizards are not very good at sex. They spend all their time studying instead of partying, at least Hugues is willing to get his hands dirty.
Commander O'Neil:
Seems like a decent guy, but probably won't shut up about his time in the military. Also he is infected with scarlet rot so that might be a mood killer.
Bloodhound Knight Darriwil:
The bloodhound knights are probably pretty wild in bed if you can earn their loyalty, but good luck with that.
Adan, Thief of Fire:
The dude committed heresy, that has to earn him some sexy points.
Soldier of Godrick:
He's a good boy, he's doing his job so throw him a bone.
Flying Dragon Agheel:
One of the first dragons you encounter, so he earns some points for style.
Demi-Human Chief:
Same as the queens, but probably a bit rougher in bed.
Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)
Lichdragon Fortissax:
A much sexier dragon, you know they were hooking up with Godwin. Only loses some points for all the death rot.
Crucible Knight Siluria:
A bit gloomy, but I bet the crucible knights can do all sorts of freaky stuff with their animal body parts.
Mimic Tear:
A slippery liquid shapeshifter, need I say more?
Commander Niall:
A way better guy than O'Niel, plus he just a bit more daddy energy.
Fire Giant:
Once you get past his size, his sadness and the giant fell god of destruction in his chest, I bet he's got something going on.
Ancient Hero of Zamor:
Gives me Hercules/Amazonian vibes, I could be into it.
Cleanrot Knight:
Lesbian activities detected.
Crucible Knight:
These guys have tails, horns, wings and big old throat sacks. Imagine the possibilities.
Glintstone Dragon Adula:
Has a sword. If you hear "Dragon holding a sword" and your pants aren't already off, we can't be friends.
Bols, Carian Knight:
He seems like a good boy.
Scaly Misbegotten:
I feel like the Misbegotten have some really interesting possibilities with their animal biology. I bet they have bonobo type societies and that could be fun.
Leonine Misbegotten:
Same as the other Misbegotten.
Misbegotten Warrior:
Same as the other Misbegotten.
Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)
Crucible Knight Ordovis:
Has all the desirable traits of a Crucible Knight but I also imagine they are super into threesomes.
Perfumer Tricia:
She seems really nice, and would be a super attentive lover. Plus she probably has access to crazy drugs and could hook you up.
Nox Swordstress & Nox Priest:
You just know that the Nox were getting up to crazy hot and crazy unethical experiments in their underground cities. These two probably get up to some wild shit and they are inviting you to join them.
Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon:
As she is now, I bet she'd be too sad to really be in a relationship again. But she kept up with Radagon and you just know she has some tricks up her sleeves that could make you abandon the golden order.
Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)
Dragonlord Placidusax:
Has two male heads and three female heads, imagine...
Ancient Dragon Lansseax:
Formed a whole freaky dragon/human cult and you just know they got into some eyes-wide-shut orgies behind those doors.
Godfrey, First Elden Lord (Hoarah Loux):
We all knew he'd be this high on the list. He was just a normal dude but he managed to keep pace with Queen Marika (Who is basically a goddess of fertility) for a good long while. He will fold you in half (on the battlefield and in the bedroom.)
Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)
Radagon of the Golden Order:
He sucks in all the worst ways, but I mean... You can't NOT. Both Radagon and Marika are the embodiment of evil but they managed to suck and fuck their way across an entire continent for generations. You HAVE to give a try at least once.
Godskin Duo:
Oh my god will it be awful with all those flayed human skins, but you know you are still gonna have to. They can stretch and do all sorts of freaky stuff with their bodies, plus they kill gods and nothing is sexier than heresy.
Vyke, Knight of the Roundtable:
The dude is a mad killer but... he can still probably get it, might as well give it a try.
God-Devouring Serpent / Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy:
Personally I wouldn't, he's a loser and will probably kill you. But he is also a giant snake made up of squirming hands doing all sorts of sexual experiments, I can't blame you if you want to give it a taste.
Black Knife Assassin:
They committed a whole lot of treason but the power of armored lesbians is too hard to resist.
Patches:
If you are already having sex with from software characters, you gotta give Patches at least one attempt. When you wake up he'll have robbed you, but you knew what you were getting into.
#meme#shitpost#do not take seriously#Elden Ring#Elden Ring memes#Elden Ring Fuckability#Elden Ring Ranking#Elden Ring Shitpost#Ranking#monster fucker#from software#tw: sex mention#Dark Souls#Radagon of the Golden Order#Godskin Duo#Vyke#Knight of the Roundtable#God-Devouring Serpent#Rykard#Lord of Blasphemy#Black Knife Assassin#Patches#Dragonkin Soldier#Astel Naturalborn of the Void#Fia's Champions#Regal Ancestor Spirit#Erdtree Avatar#Great Wyrm Theodorix#Ulcerated Tree Spirit#Tibia Mariner
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Sanderson is a really big fan of magic that sounds fun but then is secretly hella dark and probably has to do with killing souls.
Hey look this magic lets you see pretty colors and hear music better and animate corpses. How'd you get that magic? Oh I ate someone's soul. Don't worry they're fine, they just can't experience beauty anymore.
Look Look eat the metal and you can do cool stuff like yeet yourself in the air or run super fast. Eat the metal and you can become superman.
Or alternatively, you could STAB someone with the metal and STEAL THEIR SOUL! They will be very dead and it will be very messy. But look you have magical powers plus cool new jewelry
Here on Roshar you get magical powers, a built-in best friend/therapist, and a kick ass sword. But if you fuck up at all that new friend of yours will die and you will personally be responsible for killing a tiny part of god. Have fun!
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Hi! Can I request a story about Tav having trouble fighting cause Astarion just fed on her and so he gets worried and protective ofc. Maybe they were ambushed at camp or something? Thank you so much for your work! I really like how you write Astarion
Tw - animal attack, lots of gore, themes of death
Recommended Song: Seek and Destroy - SZA
Against better judgment, you let Astarion feed on you almost every night. It's just one of those things, a sacrifice you make, an act of love. After decades of disrespect, scavenging for next to nothing, you thought it'd be nice for him to have something better than animals. While he always insists it isn't necessary, he never passes you up on the offer. A ritual before bed every night, like a lover's embrace, you've come to adore the feeling of his teeth.
This evening in particular, he took quite a bit. You don't mind, considering you go to bed almost right after. Light-headed, woozy, you're wrapped up in his arms.
"Thank you darling."
His embrace almost feels warm when you're this drained. You almost drift off, but he keeps you awake.
"Tav, you need to eat something first."
You groan, absolutely exhausted, trying to keep him in the bedroll.
"Nooo, I'll just do it tomorrow."
He smiles, moving your hair out of your eyes.
"That's not how it works my sweet. Now, let me get up so I can-"
Goblin war drums. The sound of the percussive rhythms bouncing off all the trees, they're not far off, and Astarion knows they're on the way. Karlach starts making her way to every tent, telling your companions to get their asses in gear.
"Tav, Astarion, let's go!"
"Shit."
Astarion whispers to himself. You're still not fully there, in and out of sleep.
"What's going on?"
Double vision, you see two of your vampire lover get up and start rummaging around for his daggers.
"Just- just stay here Tav. It's alright."
You try to rub at your eyes, desperately wanting to figure out what's going on. Before you can ask again, he's gone, and you hear more war drums outside. You quickly realize it's goblins. They must've found where you've been hiding, but your head is still spinning. Trying to get up and grab your blade, you almost fall back to the ground. Steadying yourself for a moment, you try your best to listen to what's going on outside. It sounds deadly, metal, screams. You hear Shadowheart casting left and right.
When you manage to stumble out of the tent, you're tackled by one of their dogs, or whatever wretched things they are. A scream rips out of your throat, trying to hold the thing off. It bites rabidly at your arm, leaving numerous gashes, until it's thrown off of you and stabbed to death, relentlessly.
"Gods damnit, I told you to stay in the tent Tav!"
You're too worried about your arm throbbing in pain to care about the validity of his argument. He's angry, and perhaps both of you aren't entirely certain why. It's your dominant arm, you can barely move it. Astarion goes to wrap your arm, but is quickly overpowered by the numbers again. They must've sent a large party after the lot of you. Halsin and Shadowheart are running out of magic, already drained. It's bad, but it'll end soon. With a couple more fights and a thunderwave from Gale, the rest of the goblins scurry off, knowing they're fighting a losing battle. Astarion doesn't even stop to loot their corpses, running to your side.
"You're a fucking idiot Tav, you know that?"
Gods, he could sound so mean when he wanted to. You know he says those things out of fear, but they still hurt. Despite how angry he is, he starts ripping pieces of cloth from his shirt, wrapping your arm, which is bleeding far too fast. Shadowheart and Halsin come over to supervise, both out of arcana until they get some rest.
"Yes, the two of you standing over my shoulder is quite helpful. Might as well cheer me on while you're at it!"
His movements are ragged, furious, only making your arm hurt more than it does. He's lost though, somewhere in his head, unable to hear the cries of pain as he's wrapping your arm. You're even more lost than before, your blood leaving rapidly.
"Aster, I-"
"Hush."
He then realizes you were going to tell him you were about to pass out, because you almost immediately fall over.
"Damnit!"
He holds you in his arms, your limb still not fully wrapped.
"If the two of you want to be helpful, get me some actual bandages instead of gawking at me!"
Sure, Astarion hates doing things that require hard work, but he knows how. How many times did he have to do something like this to himself, when no one was there to help wrap his wounds? Shadowheart quickly returns with all of the bandage wraps she has.
"We have to clean it or it'll get infected."
"Well, Shadowheart, I don't know how you think you're going to clean it if Tav bleeds to death."
The two healers decide it's best if he handles this himself. While he obsessively wraps your arm, the rest of the camp watches on, knowing he's too possessive to let them help. He doesn't trust them like he trusts you.
And I trusted you to stay put.
There's no way to give you more blood, not in a way that would work for you. For a moment, he simply thinks that he'll feed you some of his blood, and then he remembers. All he can do is hope you retained enough, that he didn't preemptively kill you by feeding on you tonight. Your pulse is still going, but it's slow, and you're paler than usual.
Astarion begins to think to himself, asking why he ever fell in love, why he ever let himself think twice about you. It's easy to play the game when you have nothing to lose. Second thoughts, always, he's always thinking for two people now. It's been his survival, for as long as he can remember, and now you're lodged in his brain.
"Damn you Tav, I can't do this. I can't lose you like this."
He begins to sob as he holds you, still unconscious. This beckons Gale to come over, often a voice of reason for the vampire.
"You've done all you can. Perhaps we should get Tav back inside? Away from the elements?"
Astarion is too distraught to argue, helping Gale carry you back into the tent.
"The second Shadowheart is awake, she'll be back to check on Tav."
"Yeah, if they don't die from blood loss in the middle of the night."
Gale simply sighs, knowing there's no point in fighting with him. He leaves your pale lover to wallow in his misery. Hours pass, you're still clinging on, and Astarion watches over you, panicking every time he can't see your chest rise and fall, constantly checking your pulse. You're cold, your heartbeat dangerously slow, and he keeps wracking his brain about what else he could possibly do. But there's nothing, only fate, only the gods. He sadly chuckles to himself at the thought of even trying to pray, knowing there's no higher power out there, at least one that cares about him.
"W... what are you... laughing at?"
You ask weakly, oblivious to the horrific stress he's been through. Astarion whips around quickly, wondering if perhaps he's imagining your voice. When he sees your eyes fluttering, lost somewhere between dreams and reality, he rushes to your side.
"Oh gods Tav... you- you really scared me there."
He tries to hold back tears, failing miserably. You try to speak again, but groan in pain as the feeling in your arm starts to come back.
"I know, I know it hurts. It's okay my darling, you'll be alright."
He begins fully sobbing, and you have no idea why, without being awake enough to comprehend the situation. Astarion always tries to be strong when you're weak, but watching you teeter on the line between life and death, it was simply too much to bear.
"You can't pull that shit, ever again my love, I'm so serious. I know I'm normally quite serious, but ever more so right now."
Then, a joyful, tiny laugh. Happiness. Happy that you're alive. The memories of the fight slowly start coming back, the beast that ripped up your arm, Astarion yelling.
"Aster...?"
"Yes my dear?"
You start to tear up a little, still a tad delirious.
"I'm sorry."
And then remembers as well, the things he said, the tone he spoke to you in.
"No, no my love I'm sorry. You weren't yourself, I was being entirely unreasonable. I just..."
He almost can't finish his sentence.
"I'm just happy you're okay. That's enough for me."
Your lover slowly and carefully lays down beside you, pulling you into him, being sure not to let your wounded arm drag on the ground. He holds you for a long time, until Shadowheart wakes at dawn, fully rested and ready to fix your wounds. Astarion vows silently that he'll never let it come that close, ever again.
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50 Supernatural Entities to Haunt Your Halloween Night for Paranormal Fantasy Writers:
1. Vampire
Description: Blood-drinking creatures of the night.
What They Do: Feed on the blood of the living, sometimes charming their victims first.
Appearance: Pale skin, sharp fangs, often dressed in dark, old-fashioned clothing.
2. Werewolf
Description: Human by day, wolf-like beast by full moon.
What They Do: Transform into violent wolves and hunt at night.
Appearance: Muscular, covered in fur, with fangs and claws; halfway between wolf and human.
3. Ghost
Description: Spirit of a deceased person.
What They Do: Haunt places they have ties to, usually in a restless state.
Appearance: Translucent, often resembling the person they were in life.
4. Banshee
Description: A female spirit who forewarns of death.
What They Do: Wails loudly to signal someone’s impending death.
Appearance: Gaunt, with long hair and wearing white or gray robes.
5. Poltergeist
Description: Mischievous, noisy spirit.
What They Do: Throws objects, slams doors, and causes disturbances.
Appearance: Invisible but known for chaotic energy and moving objects.
6. Revenant
Description: Corpse risen from the grave for vengeance.
What They Do: Seeks revenge on those who wronged them in life.
Appearance: Decayed and skeletal, with tattered clothing.
7. Wendigo
Description: Cursed, cannibalistic spirit.
What They Do: Feeds on human flesh and spreads madness.
Appearance: Tall, emaciated with antlers and pale, cold skin.
8. Zombie
Description: Reanimated corpse, often mindless.
What They Do: Wander in search of living flesh to consume.
Appearance: Rotting, decayed, with vacant eyes.
9. Ghoul
Description: Creature that feeds on the dead.
What They Do: Raids cemeteries, feasting on corpses.
Appearance: Grayish, decayed, with sharp claws and teeth.
10. Shadow Person
Description: Mysterious dark figure, often seen in peripheral vision.
What They Do: Follows or observes humans, inducing fear.
Appearance: Tall, dark silhouette without detailed features.
11. Lich
Description: Undead sorcerer who achieved immortality.
What They Do: Uses dark magic to control other undead beings.
Appearance: Skeletal, with tattered robes and glowing eyes.
12. Mummy
Description: Reanimated, embalmed corpse from ancient tombs.
What They Do: Seeks vengeance or protects their treasures.
Appearance: Wrapped in bandages, often missing pieces.
13. Grim Reaper
Description: Personification of death.
What They Do: Collects souls of the deceased.
Appearance: Hooded figure in a black robe, carrying a scythe.
14. Succubus
Description: Female demon that seduces men.
What They Do: Drains life energy through intimate encounters.
Appearance: Attractive, sometimes with bat wings and horns.
15. Incubus
Description: Male counterpart to the succubus.
What They Do: Preys on women, draining their life force.
Appearance: Handsome, often with dark or demonic features.
16. Dullahan
Description: Headless horseman from Irish mythology.
What They Do: Rides a black horse, heralding death.
Appearance: Carries their own head, glowing eyes, wearing dark armor.
17. Necromancer
Description: Sorcerer who commands the dead.
What They Do: Raises and controls undead creatures.
Appearance: Dark robes, carrying a staff or book of spells.
18. Hellhound
Description: Fiery, demonic dog from hell.
What They Do: Guards the underworld, hunts souls.
Appearance: Large black dog with glowing red eyes and flames.
19. Draugr
Description: Undead Norse warrior.
What They Do: Guards treasure and attacks intruders.
Appearance: Bloated, decaying corpse with armor.
20. Chupacabra
Description: Beast that preys on livestock.
What They Do: Drains blood from animals, mainly goats.
Appearance: Reptilian, with spines and sharp teeth.
21. Djinn
Description: Ancient spirit capable of granting wishes, often with a trick.
What They Do: Manipulates wishes to harm the wish-maker.
Appearance: Wispy, ethereal, with sometimes human features.
22. Yurei
Description: Vengeful spirit from Japanese folklore.
What They Do: Haunts those who wronged them in life.
Appearance: Pale, disheveled, with long, dark hair.
23. Headless Horseman
Description: Decapitated rider seeking revenge.
What They Do: Rides at night, often hunting for a head.
Appearance: Headless, in dark clothing, riding a black horse.
24. Gorgon
Description: Snake-haired monster that can turn people to stone.
What They Do: Hunts or curses those who look upon her.
Appearance: Female, with snakes for hair and a terrifying visage.
25. Kraken
Description: Giant sea monster, often attacking ships.
What They Do: Destroys ships, drags sailors underwater.
Appearance: Gigantic, tentacled beast resembling an octopus.
26. Nosferatu
Description: An older, monstrous version of a vampire.
What They Do: Preys on blood, more feral than elegant vampires.
Appearance: Rat-like features, bald, with elongated claws.
27. Shtriga
Description: Witch from Albanian folklore that preys on children.
What They Do: Sucks life energy from young children.
Appearance: Elderly, shriveled, with a long, pointed nose.
28. Jiangshi
Description: Chinese hopping vampire.
What They Do: Drains life force, hopping instead of walking.
Appearance: Rigid, dressed in ancient attire with a pale face.
29. Aswang
Description: Filipino shapeshifting creature.
What They Do: Hunts humans, especially at night.
Appearance: Changes from human to monstrous form with long tongue.
30. Noppera-bo
Description: Japanese faceless ghost.
What They Do: Terrifies people by erasing their face.
Appearance: Normal human but with a blank face.
31. Kitsune
Description: Fox spirit from Japanese folklore.
What They Do: Plays tricks on humans, can possess or enchant.
Appearance: Fox with multiple tails or as a human with fox traits.
32. Rakshasa
Description: Demonic being from Hindu mythology.
What They Do: Devours humans, uses magic to deceive.
Appearance: Animal-like face, often with fangs and claws.
33. Wraith
Description: Malevolent spirit tied to a place of death.
What They Do: Harms those who enter their territory.
Appearance: Shadowy, with skeletal hands and a hooded cloak.
34. Ghast
Description: Larger, more terrifying version of a ghoul.
What They Do: Consumes living and dead flesh.
Appearance: Grayish, skeletal, with sharp teeth.
35. Kappa
Description: Water demon from Japanese folklore.
What They Do: Drowns humans and feeds on them.
Appearance: Humanoid with a beak, webbed hands, and water-filled head.
36. Selkie
Description: Mythical seal creature that transforms into human form.
What They Do: Lives as human on land, as a seal in water.
Appearance: Human with soft features, seal-like in water.
37. Manananggal
Description: Filipino monster that detaches its torso to fly.
What They Do: Feeds on unborn children and blood.
Appearance: Upper body separates and grows wings at night.
38. Gashadokuro
Description: Giant skeletal monster from Japanese folklore.
What They Do: Crushes and devours people.
Appearance: Enormous, skeletal, with fiery eyes.
39. Pontianak
Description: Vengeful female spirit from Malaysian folklore.
What They Do: Attacks men, especially those who wronged her in life.
Appearance: Beautiful, but transforms into a blood-stained, terrifying figure with long nails.
40. Strigoi
Description: Undead creature from Romanian folklore, precursor to modern vampires.
What They Do: Rises from the grave to feed on blood or energy.
Appearance: Gaunt, pale, with sharp teeth, sometimes bearing claw-like nails.
41. Demon
Description: Evil entity from various mythologies.
What They Do: Possesses or torments humans, spreading chaos.
Appearance: Often with horns, red skin, and menacing features, sometimes invisible.
42. La Llorona
Description: “The Weeping Woman” from Mexican folklore.
What They Do: Wanders near bodies of water, crying for her lost children.
Appearance: Pale, drenched in white, with a sorrowful, ghostly presence.
43. Kelpie
Description: Shape-shifting water spirit from Scottish folklore.
What They Do: Lures people, usually children, into water to drown them.
Appearance: Often a beautiful horse, but can appear as human.
44. Dybbuk
Description: Malevolent spirit from Jewish folklore.
What They Do: Possesses living people, usually to fulfill unfinished business.
Appearance: Invisible, but exerts dark energy around the possessed.
45. Hag
Description: Wicked, old woman often associated with witchcraft.
What They Do: Casts curses, manipulates people, sometimes feeds on fear.
Appearance: Elderly, with wrinkled skin, often carrying magical trinkets.
46. Mare
Description: Spirit that causes nightmares.
What They Do: Sits on the chests of sleeping people, creating disturbing dreams.
Appearance: Shadowy, mist-like figure, sometimes with a vague human shape.
47. Fenrir
Description: Gigantic, mythical wolf from Norse mythology.
What They Do: Destined to bring about Ragnarok, devouring gods.
Appearance: Massive, fierce wolf with powerful jaws.
48. Tengu
Description: Supernatural creatures from Japanese folklore, part bird and part human.
What They Do: Mischievous or malevolent; protect forests and mountains.
Appearance: Humanoid with bird wings, red face, and often a long nose.
49. Doppelganger
Description: An exact double or duplicate of a living person.
What They Do: Appears to forewarn misfortune or even bring harm.
Appearance: Identical to a specific person, but with an eerie, lifeless presence.
50. Nightmare Horse
Description: Fiery, demonic horse that haunts dreams and the night.
What They Do: Gallops through night skies, bringing fear to those who see it.
Appearance: Black horse with glowing red eyes and flaming mane and hooves.
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The Trump shooting is such a good example of how when all your focus is on one mindnumbing and dogshit thing you become hopeless because the only options that thing provides suck, and how electoral politics is that kind of thing all the time.
Would it be good if someone killed him? Would it be good if someone killed Biden instead, or both of them? It's a bad thing, what's happened, and it would be bad if it had gone differently, and it's bad that Genocide Joe hasn't stepped down and it will probably be bad if he does or if comrade covid succeeds in their mission, because the state and ruling class are enemies of the people and every outcome in their framework is bad. It would be good if there were mass squatting occupying the empty property developments and making them livable for the homeless instead, it would be good if cops were run out of every neighbourhood in America, it would be good if food and electricity and water were free, it would be good if the fascist state of Israel were destroyed and Palestine were free and the rotten necromancied corpse of the American empire lost its animating magic and collapsed into the fetid chunks of myopic baroque politicking that it deserves to be without hurting anyone else.
Electoral politics affects a lot of people, so it makes sense that it draws your attention, but nothing good can happen within it and everything good that can be built must be built by the working class away from its distractions
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I Love You, Malleus... But You're Not Mine...
Word Count: 9862 Female Reader Genre: Angst
The dragon fae was torn.
He knew that he would have to be wed to someone soon in order to inherit the crown.
Also… his grandmother was nagging him to marry someone because she was growing older and she wanted to see her only grandson be married.
The only issue was that no one in Briar Valley really managed to capture his eye nor his heart. They all wanted to be married to him either for his money or power, or to escape their families.
Actually, some of them did not wish to be married to him and were in love with someone else entirely, and he granted them liberty to marry who they wished.
Malleus was torn.
So, he went to do what he always did whenever he was torn.
He walked over the bridge and through the woods.
In the woods, he would talk to himself and to the trees and animals. The wintertime meant that there was also snow and ice upon the ground. When that happened, the moonlight would reflect off of the glittery surface of the snow. It offered peace to Malleus to see the view.
Well, now was a better time than any to practice his vows.
He took out the ring that he had in his coat pocket, turning it over and over with his fingers, contemplating.
“With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.”
He lifted his hand, palm up, as though he were actually marrying someone beside him. He stepped forward three times as he said the line.
“Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.”
There was no real cup, so he just summoned a chalice with his magic and a bottle of wine. He was above the age limit for consuming alcohol in public, so it was alright. He poured the aged liquid into the cup, and then took a sip from the cup. Of course, his bride would then also sip from the cup right after. However, there is no bride as of right then.
“With this candle, I will light your way in darkness”.
He took a twig from a nearby tree and acted as though it were a candle. In the specific spot he was in, there was a tree stump that acted as the podium at an altar. On it was a small piece of bark that he used as the ‘flame’ with which he was to light the candle.
Then, he set the twig down.
“With this ring, I ask you to be mine.”
In retrospect, the prince was asking himself why he didn’t ponder the curiously skeletal shape of the branch he placed the ring upon. However, it didn't matter, as the wind started whirling around him. Leaves started making a small-scale tornado around the branch on which he placed the ring… until a woman stood in the center.
She was as radiant as she was dead.
Her skin, or rather, where it existed upon her body, was smooth. One of her hands had no skin on it at all and was all bone. In the bodice of her wedding dress, he could see her ribcage. She was wearing a veil over her head, attached to a crown of flowers arranged in a multitude of different shades of blue. Peaking out of the tulip-cut skirt of her wedding dress was her skeletal leg. She was wearing white heels. In her hands, she held a bouquet of blue flowers, similar to her crown.
Understandably, Malleus was entranced but kind of frightened by the corpse he was seeing before him. His flight or fight response had not kicked in yet, not until he heard her whisper two words:
“I do.”
She then reached out towards him and started walking to him. The dragon prince, who had gone even paler than he already was, stayed still.
As she got closer and closer, he saw how the moonlight enhanced your figures, and he felt his heart beating faster. The woman leaned in, to the point where her nose was grazing against his.
“You may kiss the bride.”
Then everything went black.
~~~~~~~~
It took him a while to wake back up, and when he did he was in for it.
“Oh, look! He must have fainted. Are you alright?,” he heard the woman ask as he started to open his eyes.
“Looks like we’ve got ourselves a breather!” A skeleton man said.
“He’s still soft!” A skeleton boy exclaimed while jabbing at the prince’s torso with a stick. Malleus backed up into the bar, unsettled by what was going on around him.
Two skeletons dressed as soldiers clinked their beer steins toasting to the “newlyweds”.
“Newlyweds?” Malleus was quite confused as to what they were talking about. He stood up, trying to take in his surroundings.
“In the woods, you said your vows so perfectly,” she had a dream-like tone in your voice as she showed him the ring he had placed on your bony hand.
“I did, didn’t I?” Further leaning against the bar, he rubs his temples as though he were trying to remember something. Then he heard little legs crawling on the bar itself.
He turned to see a walking head along with a few cockroaches. His eyes widened in silence as he backed away from the bar.
“Hello, my name is Paul! I am the head waiter, hehehe,”... the head was speaking. “I will be creating your wedding feast!”
All of a sudden, Malleus felt something hit the shoulder she was standing next to. When he turned to see what it was, a maggot was peeking out of her eye…’s socket. Her eye was, in fact, now on the floor.
“Wedding feast?! I am salivating,” the maggot said.
She gasped as she covered your eye socket, clearly embarrassed that it happened. She tried laughing it off, but it was a bit too late.
Now, to be fair, he recognized that he must be in a land of the dead. After all, there were skeletons all around, and his supposed bride was a decaying corpse. However, that did not leave him at peace. He was actually more disturbed when he came to that realization.
He squeezed out from between her and another skeleton and started creeping back in the other direction. He eventually reached the soldier skeletons, and that’s when he saw that one of them was impaled with a sword. He unsheathed it and turned on everyone.
“I need some answers before we proceed with anything. What’s going on here? Where am I? Who are you?”
She stepped forward and started fidgeting with her hands before saying, “It’s kind of a long story.”
“What a story it is…” a voice from the shadows on the stage emerged. “A tale of romance, passion, and a murder most foul.”
“This is gonna be good.” The skeleton who was formerly impaled by the sword Malleus was holding right now spoke, gently taking back the sword.
“Hit it, boys.”
~~~~~~~~
One catchy but macabre musical number later, Malleus understands where he is. A few of the people down here were people he recognized. Old fae folks and humans alike rejoiced with each other, and it was beautiful to see. There was no judgment between the two species, which means a lot of them died prior to the war.
Well, they were dead. There would be no point in harboring resentment towards each other if you’re stuck with each other forever anyway.
Anyways, her story made him angry. How dare that man turn her down?! She was beautiful and kind, and all she wished for was to be a bride. Even though it had only been a day, Malleus found himself drawn to her. In fact, right at this moment, they were walking arm-in-arm to the cliff to gaze over the town.
The sight was beautiful. The moonlight made its appearance again, and the dragon prince breathed in the night air.
“Isn’t it beautiful? It takes my breath away…” The woman let go of his arm and twirled, her veil trailing after her.
“...Well, it would if I had any,” She giggled before sitting down on a bench, patting the seat next to her. He, with gentle steps, made his way and sat down next to her. “Isn’t it romantic?”
“If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to have your name. After all, I do believe a groom should have the name of his bride,” Malleus stated after a moment of silence.
Well, that’s a great way to start a marriage.
“Shh… Shut up!” The woman hit her temples before smiling at him. “It’s Y/N.”
“My name is Malleus Draconia, prince and crowned heir of the Briar Valley.” Her eyes widened in shock at his response.
“Oh, I almost forgot! I have something for you!” She pulled out a box and placed it in his lap with care, taking the required measures so as to not startle him. Not to worry, as he was quite excited about receiving a gift from his… wife? She then whispered something, “It’s a wedding present”.
He lifted the neatly wrapped box up to his ear and shook it gently, seemingly trying to find out what could be inside. The corpse beside him let out a small gasp of shock before recovering with a smile.
Once he unwrapped the bow and opened the box, he saw a bunch of bones… including a skull. Malleus immediately recognized it to be a stray dog that he found in his youth. Growing up isolated meant that he hadn’t many friends, so when a dog made its way to him in the forest, who was he to turn it down?
The lid clasped itself back onto the box out of nowhere and started rumbling in the prince’s lap before falling to the ground. Then it went still before the lid burst open and out jumped a skeletal dog, barking and everything.
“Samson?” Malleus asked, wondering if the dog could hear him. The cadaverous canine jumped into his friend’s lap, excited to be reunited. “Samson! My dog, Samson!”
“I knew you’d be happy to see him.” The woman beside him exclaimed. The prince had nearly forgotten about her presence.
“Who’s my good boy? Sit. Sit, Samson, sit!” At his owner’s command, the dog sat down.
“Good boy, Samson. Roll over. Roll over!!!” Now, the way that the dog did it was quite unusual. His head remained upright as the rest of the body rolled over.
“Play dead.” The dog let out a whine when Malleus realized his mistake. Both recovered, and Samson jumped into his wife’s lap instead.
“Awww, what a cutie!” She exclaimed.
After a few seconds of quiet between the newlyweds, save for Samson’s panting, Malleus spoke.
“My grandmother did not approve of me keeping a stray. Nor did Lilia,” Malleus trailed off, remembering from his childhood that he hadn’t any friends apart from the staff who were forced to play with him.
“Would she have approved of me?” His bride asked.
“I would very much like to think so, but I wouldn’t know… What if we were to go meet her?” He proposed.
“That sounds wonderful! Where is she buried?” She asked with enthusiasm and excitement in her tone. It pained him to be the bearer of bad news.
“I am afraid that they are still with life, my dearest,” He lowered his head, a bit embarrassed and thus focusing on Samson.
“Hmm… that is a problem…” The corpse bride brought her hand to her chin in thought, wondering how they could get to the Land of the Living.
Then, Samson started barking at you.
“No, we couldn’t possibly,” Luckily, Malleus was well-versed when it came to speaking with animals, but he did not know who ‘Elder Gutknecht’ was.
“Well, if you put it like that…” She was responding to the dog, as though she was having a full conversation with him.
“Who is ‘Elder Gutknecht’?”
“He is the person everyone goes to when they have matters concerning the living realm. Now come, dear husband,” the woman held her hand out, and the prince took it, and the pair made their way to the Elder’s room.
~~~~~~~~
“Elder Gutknecht? Are you there?”
If I’m being honest, Malleus has no idea who you both are looking for. Samson is trailing behind the two of you, the three of you moving with grace up the stairs. One thing he noticed was that there were books and candles everywhere. He made sure that he didn’t trip over anything nor make anything fall.
“Is anyone home? Hello?”
Unfortunately, Samson did not take those same precautions and made a pile of books fall over, startling what seemed to be a full murder of crows. The lantern that lit up the place started swaying from the force of wind from the birds’ wings. Then, a hand reached up to steady the lantern.
An old skeleton, coughing, a whisper of a beard on his chin, and half of the top of his skull lifting, made his appearance.
“There you are!” Y/N exclaimed.
Placing his glasses on, the presumed Elder Gutknecht spoke, “Huh? Oh, my dear. There you are.”
“I’ve brought my husband, Prince Malleus Draconia.”
“What’s that? Husband?” The Elder scratched his skull, making the lifting plate lift even more.
“It is a pleasure to meet you, sir,” Malleus called out, not sure if the skeleton could hear him.
“I believe the pleasure would be mine, Your Highness. After all, it’s not everyday that you find yourself in the presence of living royalty… especially if you’re dead.”
“Anyways,” Y/N butted in, “We need to go up. Upstairs? To visit the Land of the Living.”
“Land of the Living? Oh, my dear,” The skeleton had a disappointed tone in his voice as he started making his way down the stairs that led up to his podium.
“Please, Elder Gutknecht.” The woman clasped her decaying hands together in hope.
“Now, why go up there, when people are dying to get down here?” The elder responded.
“Sir, I beg you to help. It would mean so much to my wife and I.’ A small gasp of shock made its way out of Y/N’s mouth. For so long… she wanted to hear herself be called a wife.
“I don’t know… It’s just not natural.”
“Please, Elder Gutknecht. Surely there must be something you can do?” Y/N took the old man’s hand in hers and looked into his eyes, pleading.
“Hmm… Let me see what I can do.” Elder Gutknecht patted the back of her hand. “Now, where did I put that book?” He then started looking everywhere; in the cabinet, in the drawer, and he started going through his piles and piles of books. That was, until he checked the bookshelf and found the book he was looking for. “There it is.”
On the way back up to his podium, he grabbed three bottles of things akin to potions as well as a chalice, as per Malleus’s guess. A crow was perched up there already, waiting for his master’s commands.
Elder Gutknecht started flipping through the pages of the book, muttering to himself, before he stopped at a certain page.
“I have it.” Y/N let out a gasp of excitement. “A haunting spell of sorts. Just the thing for these quick trips…”
Leaning to the side closer to her husband, Y/N whispered, “So glad you thought of this.”
“Me too, darling.”
The old man took two of the bottles and poured some of the liquid contents into the chalice before taking some ashes out of what the newly married couple realized was an urn and adding them into the concoction. Then, a feather from the crow was added in, and it dissolved immediately. A little cloud of red smoke popped out of the cup, making the skeletal man cough. He took the chalice in his hand, and it looked like he was going to splash it on the two below before he drank all of it.
“Now, then…” He let out a belch. “Where were we?”
“The haunting spell?”
“Ahhh…” He grasped the crow on his podium by the neck and squeezed its stomach, making an egg pop out. Malleus and Samson flinched while Y/N didn’t seem phased.
“Ah, here we have it. Ready? Just remember: When you want to come back, say ‘hopscotch’.”
Y/N giggled at the childishness of the word, asking, “Hopscotch?” with an amused tone.
“That’s it.” He cracked the egg on the podium, and out of the egg came a gas of some sort.
All of a sudden, the married couple found themselves under the moonlight once again.
~~~~~~~~
Back at the palace, everyone was worried. Some of the servants have been fainting from panic…
The prince had vanished.
Queen Maleficia is very close to sending out the entire military that Briar Valley has to go looking for her grandson. General Lilia is separating the soldiers into groups, and assigning those groups to different parts of the Valley. Sir Sebek and Sir Silver are paired together as leaders of two of those groups, going to make their way into the forest section.
It was very unlike Malleus to just vanish without a trace, so everyone figured that he was taken. It also must be someone stronger than him, as you wouldn’t be able to capture the 5th most powerful mage if you didn’t have magic.
The villagers have also joined the search efforts, but there were folktales spreading about the danse macabre. It was All Hallow’s Eve, and a tale passed down for generations was that Death would come up with the dead and dance. Maybe their prince had joined them?
That was what caused the frenzy to begin with. Everyone knew about that tale, and if Malleus had joined the celebration of the dead, then he wouldn’t be seen until the following year.
Lilia gave the order, and Sebek’s squad and Silver’s squad made their way over the bridge and into the woods to go find the dragon prince.
~~~~~~~~
Y/N took in the glow of the moonlight, tears coming to her eyes as she stared at the moon itself for a few moments.
“I spent so long in the darkness, I’d almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is.”
At that moment, a butterfly flew past her face, causing her to giggle at its purity and innocence. Malleus also had a grin as he followed the butterfly with his eyes. However, that is when he realized that the butterfly was just as blue as the flowers upon her crown.
Y/N inhaled deeply, before stepping forward and twirling about in the snow. The trail of her mother’s wedding dress as well as her veil almost floated so delicately and gracefully behind her.
“My lady, might you give me this first dance as my wife?” She stopped when she heard Malleus ask, and a tear fell down her cheek as she nodded. He held out his hand to her and she accepted it, being pulled into his chest.
The two of them would have to thank their dance instructors, Y/N from when she was alive, and Malleus from when he was a boy. Sure, the steps they were doing were rehearsed, but the connection that the two felt was real.
Suddenly, Y/N’s skeletal leg snapped, making her fall. Luckily, the bones were only disconnected at the joint, so she easily snapped it back into place.
“Are you alright?” The dragon prince was understandably alarmed, as his magic could do no good upon a dead person. After all, magic is alive itself.
“I am quite so. It happens quite often,” she giggled, a bit embarrassed. Malleus smiled before they continued their waltz in the snow for a few more moments. Then, they walked hand-in-hand over to where Malleus knew would be the road back.
That is when Malleus had an idea.
“What if you were to stay here and I could bring my grandmother to you? I believe everyone would erupt in a ruckus if they saw me walking with a mystery human woman.”
“Ah, that’s right. I was here before the conflict. That should be fine. I will wait right here.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
And so, with that being said, he set off into the forest, alone, on the path he had traversed many times before, to go bring his grandmother to meet his new wife.
~~~~~~~~
About 20 minutes into the journey, Malleus heard something close by.
“THE PRINCE IS HERE! WE FOUND HIM!”
The said prince’s neck snapped toward the direction he heard the voice come from. He recognizes the lady’s voice. She was one of the people that his grandmother had set him up with for marriage, and she was one of the ladies who wanted him for his status.
He heard marching, and he saw his former retainers: Silver and Sebek. In seconds, he was face-to-face with them, the lady mentioned before clinging to his arm.
“Your highness, we have been searching for you for hours! Where have you been?” Silver asked, making sure that the surrounding forest was clear and that the lady was in no danger.
Sebek didn’t say anything. He was moved to tears upon the recovery of the prince, his personal hero, who he revered and worshiped.
“I was strolling through the woods, and I got lost.”
“Sire, with all due respect, I didn’t think it was possible you could get lost,” Silver found the prince’s response to be a bit suspicious, but didn’t think to question him further. After all, he had orders from Queen Maleficia herself to bring her grandson back.
“If you wouldn’t mind, Prince Malleus, we must be taking our leave now,” Sebek bowed down as he stated. He then told Silver that he could take him back while he escorted the lady back to her own manor.
However, as Silver began to lead the way, he noticed that he was not being followed. He looked back and saw that Malleus was looking in the direction from where he came.
Perhaps he did dance with the macabre.
“Your highness?”
Malleus snapped out of his trance before going to follow the knight. This might be an easier way to speak with his grandmother, so he followed Silver.
~~~~~~~~
This is the voice of your conscience… Listen to what I say:
I have a bad feeling about him. You know he is no…
An all too familiar voice made itself known to you, and you rolled your eyes. You reached up to your ear and hit the side of your head, making Maggot shoot out into the cold snow.
“Go chew someone else’s ear for a while. Malleus has gone to get his grandmother, just like he said,'' To say that you were annoyed would be a tiny bit of an understatement. However, you couldn’t help the feeling of loneliness once again drape an arm about your shoulder. You missed your husband already.
“If I hadn’t just been sitting in it, I would say that you had lost your mind!”
“I’m sure he has a perfectly good reason… for taking so long.” You crossed your arms in your lap, letting the doubt get into your decaying mind. Maybe Maggot was right.
“Oh, I am sure that he does. Why don’t you go ask him?”
“Alright, I will.” With that, you stood up, and began to follow your husband’s footsteps, picking Maggot up as you went.
~~~~~~~~
Malleus should have expected this.
His grandmother, Queen Maleficia, had overreacted upon being reunited with her grandson, and locked him away in his room, placing a magical barrier to prevent him from leaving. Not only that, but he had learned that if someone were to find him first, more specifically, the women that the Queen had lined up as his suitresses, they would get his hand in marriage.
One small issue with that: he was a taken man now, and he had no plans in betraying his wife. She was beautiful, a free-spirited person to boot. She knew music and understood the beauty of both human and fae-kind. He was starting to miss her, and while he tried to tell his grandmother, she was not hearing it.
“Oh, Malleus, darling~”
And there was that insufferable voice.
Lady Aerwynn, the lady who had ‘found’ him in the forest originally, was the one set to marry him. She came from a long line of fae nobility, a green flag in his grandmother’s eyes.
To be quite frank, Malleus found her insufferable. She was only looking to gain power and influence, not his love. That’s where he loved his undead bride. She loved him before she even knew his name or title.
“Yes, Lady Aerwynn?”
“Well, soon I am going to be Princess Draconia. But anyways, I was wondering which shade of white would look best with your suit? After all, I need to make a good impression on the people at our wedding!”
“Lady Aerwynn, I need to inform you of something. I already have a bride. I am happily married to someone. Our wedding would be unlawful. If you could go get my grandmother, I can explain everything and you could be free to marry anyone else.”
This seemed to make her upset. Tears started welling up in her eyes as she heard what her ‘fiance’ was saying to her.
“It’s not true! You just don’t want to marry me! Well, I don’t care! We’re getting married, whether you like it or not!”
All of a sudden, the window burst open. A large draft of wind swept through the room, putting out the candles and the fire within the fireplace. Malleus turned to see his wife, his true wife, on the balcony, fixing her veil out of her face. He had never been so relieved to see her.
~~~~~~~~
“My darling, I just wanted to meet-” Once your veil was out of your face, you were able to see your husband with another woman in his arms. However, you quickly brushed it off as the wrong place at the wrong time.
However, the woman let out a gasp of shock at your appearance.
You reached over and grabbed Malleus’s arm to pull him towards you. You wrapped your arm in his, making sure that the strange living woman knew that he was yours.
“Darling? Who is this?” You asked.
“Who is she?”
“I’m his wife.” You extended your hand with the wedding ring on it towards her, letting the moonlight reflect off of the glistening golden band.
“Malleus? What is the meaning of this? You’re not going to marry me because you’re married to a corpse?!” Lady Aerwynn was only getting angrier, as were you.
You felt betrayed. You snatched your arm from Malleus and stared menacingly at the woman.
“Hopscotch.” You snatched your husband’s arm before sinking back outside, a murder of crows flying in a circle around you two until you were back in Elder Gutknecht’s room.
~~~~~~~~
“You lied to me! Just to get back to that other woman!” You shoved Malleus away from you, again feeling betrayed. Emotions came punching you in the face, and you were first experiencing anger.
“You don’t understand, my love. She means nothing to me-”
“Oh, really? Am I preventing your marriage to her? Would you rather be married to her?” Tears were threatening to spill as you interrupted Malleus. “You’re married to me! She’s only the other woman!”
You turned around, not wanting to let him see you cry.
Elder Gutknecht let out a cough before saying, “She’s got a point.”
Through sobs, you were lamenting the early and untimely death of your marriage. “And-And I thought… This was all going so well.” More tears fell. Your eye actually popped out of your skull from the pressure, rolling its way to the dragon prince’s boot.
He bent down and picked it up, giving it a brush against the lapel of his suit so as to clean it up a bit.
“Y/N, darling, you misunderstood everything. I-” He reached out his arm to give you your eye back, and you snatched it quickly.
“It’s my eye, isn’t it?” You popped it back into place.
“No! Your eyes are the most beautiful things I’ve ever had the pleasure of gazing into.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Prince Malleus Draconia.” “Don’t you see? My grandmother is attempting to wed me with Lady Aerwynn!”
“You should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you.”
“Can’t you see it was a mistake? You were never supp-”
You drowned out the last of the sentence. He thought your marriage to be a mistake. Maybe it was. Maybe Maggot was right, and you were in the wrong. All you wanted was to be a bride, as that dream had been stolen from you before.
Oh, yes. You were to be married to a wealthy fae that you loved so dearly about a century ago. You were one of the human nobility families, but the Wikora family was of lower standing at the time compared to yours. Your parents had forbidden the union for that very reason. Lord Piersym Wikora, to be precise, was the one you were to be married to. He was a mysterious stranger to you, having traveled about to many locations outside of the Briar Valley.
He stole your heartbeat, both literally and figuratively.
You walked off, the memories flooding back as well as the tears. It was time to give up on having a happy marriage, as you figured that matrimony between a dead human and an alive fae could never be compatible.
If only you had heard what he had said.
You were never supposed to see us like that. She wants to ruin my happiness for her own gain.
~~~~~~~~
In a desolate corner in the Land of the Dead, you could be seen sulking. Your veil was hanging upon a random stick of metal sticking out of the ground. You were sitting upon a broken coffin, a bench, if you will.
“Roses for eternal love.”
You reached into your bouquet and snatched a rose head out, letting it drop to the ground in a messy fashion.
“Lilies for sweetness.”
As with the rose, you grabbed a lily and let it drop to the ground.
Upon seeing the third type of flower, you breathed in shakily before whispering the name.
“Baby’s breath.”
You tossed the bouquet away from you, feeling lost on what you were going to do now that your marriage was in shambles. Samson was with you, whining that his two owners were separated.
“Why so blue?” You looked over to see the Widow, someone who you looked up to as a motherly figure. Her six hind legs were lifted up in the air while her other two legs were acting as arms.
“Maybe he’s right. Maybe it was a mistake.”
Maybe he should have his head examined.
You reached into your ear and pulled out Maggot, holding his tail between your pointer finger and thumb.
“I could do it!” Maggot exclaimed.
“Or maybe he does belong with her, Little Miss Living, with her rosy cheeks and beating heart. Plus, she’s a fae. I’m human.”
A heart can break once it’s done beating, you guess.
~~~~~~~~
“It’s true, Your Majesty! Malleus is married to a dead woman!” Lady Aerwynn looked the worse for wear. Her blonde hair was out of place as well as her dress. She looked a mess, and quite like a delusional patient. “I saw her. A corpse! Standing right here with Malleus.”
“I beg your pardon? My grandson… married to a corpse? Are you sure you don’t have a fever, dear?” Queen Maleficia lifted her hand to the girl’s forehead, checking for any unusual warmth.
Yes, she knew of the danse macabre story. However, she did not believe in it. And she refused to believe that her grandson indulged in frivolous tales and thus ran away… especially since he was an adult in fae terms.
“Come here and let me fetch you a blanket. You seem to be a bit feverish, dear.” Maleficia had a servant fetch a wool blanket as she assigned another servant to make sure that Lady Aerwynn didn’t go outside and worry the citizens even more.
Her Royal Majesty tried using her magic to see if she could locate Malleus through sensory magic, but she came up with nothing. He was not even in Briar Valley, but he couldn’t have made it to another land in that short amount of time, especially since she put that spell on his room. So, she started considering the possibility of the danse macabre.
~~~~~~~~
Malleus had been wandering about for a while in search of Y/N. He wished to hear her voice once again, as he felt his heart aching for her.
Sure, it was only during the night that he had gotten to know her, but his draconic instincts were telling him that she was his beloved, the person he was destined to be with for all of eternity, and not even death could part them.
He turned the corner to a street he had walked on before, following Samson who had your bouquet in his mouth. It was the bar where this entire journey started. Where he got to know what had happened to you.
Upon opening the door, he heard the piano playing. It was finely tuned despite being so old. You were sitting at the bench, both your decaying and skeletal hands dancing on the keys. Malleus walked up quietly, placing the bouquet that Samson had given him onto the top of the coffin-style piano.
“I’m sorry, my love. I just wanted you to know that I have no wish to be with her. I am happy with you, not with her. She wants to ruin our happiness to gain power for herself.”
You said nothing, and you continued playing. You were at the lower end of the piano, playing the deeper notes. Malleus joined you on the bench, turning his body towards the higher notes.
His years of learning the piano would come in handy.
To compliment the melody you were playing, he decided to add a more lighthearted spirit by playing a few notes.
That backfired, as you glanced at him with a look of disdain. You turned back to continue playing, but Malleus responded with the higher-pitched notes again.
You watched with an annoyed look on your face, before finishing off the melody.
However, Malleus started another one. He looked at you as he paused for a few seconds, inviting you to join him. And so you did.
Much like the dance you both shared in the moonlight, you were also in-sync with your piano playing. It turned into an expression of the both of you, lighter notes symbolizing life and deeper notes symbolizing death. The song was a motif for the joining of both life and death.
But, you got carried away, and your skeletal hand broke off and continued playing despite the rest of you as well as the entirety of Malleus stopping. You let out a gasp of shock as your hand started dancing about on the keys by itself, running up Malleus’s arm.
Giggles emitted from the both of you, much like children. The dragon fae took your detached hand in his before handing it over.
“Pardon my enthusiasm.”
“I like your enthusiasm.”
You both leaned in a bit as he reattached your hand to your arm. You looked up and into each other’s eyes before-
“NEW ARRIVAL” The bell started sounding, startling you both.
“Lights up!”
Everyone started flooding into the bar. Paul and his cockroaches started pouring drinks.
“Hurry up, boys. Vite, Vite! Bonjour! Bienvenue! Drinks for everyone! Another pint, sir?”
“Oh no, just a half.” The man who ordered completely split in half.
Paul whistled at his roaches, having them bring the beer stein over, which ended up knocking him over.
“It is impossible to get good help anymore!”
Ms. Plum started making her way through the crowd of people.
“Welcoming committee, coming through! Coming through! My name’s Plum. Miss Plum.”
Malleus turned to see who had exactly died, and he recognized the man. He was one of the servants tasked with caring for him when he was a youngling. He had always been on the weaker side, having a horrible cough. He was one of the few human servants still remaining in the castle.
His name was Mr. Nimbus, or Nimbus Redrose. He just grew up calling him Mr. Nimbus because of the stories he would tell.
“Mr. Nimbus? Is that you? It’s wonderful to see you again!”
“Your Highness? Why, everyone’s been worried sick! Well, not me anymore!” The man let out a loud laugh before patting the prince on his shoulder. “You shouldn’t worry about me, though. It was about time I passed.”
“Hurry up, boys! Can you not see the gentleman is parched?!” Paul addressed his cockroaches, exasperated at the slow rate of his staff.
“How is Lady Aerwynn?”
“She was purely hysterical from what I could tell. Her Royal Majesty is concerned for her, but she’s more worried about you.”
“Yes, I do feel horrible that I had taken leave without informing anyone of my whereabouts, but my night has gone better than it ever could have. She was truly insufferable.”
A random drunkard of a skeleton threw his arm around Nimbus, stumbling and slurring about, and he said, “Women; you can’t live with them… You can’t live with-” Then he fell down.
“Well, I guess it’s time for you to pick up the pieces and help them to move on.”
“Speaking of picking up the pieces…” The skeleton from before was on the floor in just a heap of bones, making Malleus amused. He would use his magic, but it didn’t work on the dead. So the poor, drunk skeleton was just left there to sober up.
However, your husband had more concerning matters on his mind. He needed to somehow inform his grandmother that he wished to stay in the Land of the Dead with you. With that, he walked off to start contemplating methods.
“Malleus? Where are you going?”
~~~~~~~~
Queen Maleficia rested her forehead in her hand as she sat upon her throne. This whole day had not gone according to plan.
She was feeling horrible for trying to force her grandson into a marriage that he did not want. However, she wanted to at least give him a push to marry his true love before Lady Aerwynn.
The Wikora family was indeed powerful, as their family came from sprites and faeries directly. Aerwynn Wikora, the daughter’s name, was a faerie herself. She had a way with music that Maleficia found light and airy… much different to the Draconias. However, despite that being her style, her entire family was corrupt. They wanted more power, and they were second only to the Draconia family.
It had frustrated the Wikoras that it had become a trend for the Draconias to pick up human lovers and marry them despite them being taken by death so early. However, as we all know, a dragon must be with their true love in order to truly be happy.
Every so often, a maid would come into the throneroom and update her on Lady Aerwynn’s state. She seemed to be getting a tad better, which was a relief. However, her ramblings set an ounce of doubt in Maleficia’s mind. What if the story of the danse macabre was real? It could be the only explanation.
However, if that were true, then he wouldn’t have turned up in the forest in the first place.
~~~~~~~~
Malleus was walking around once again, as he tended to do when he was in deep thought.
You see, he knew that there was no way he could go back to the living world or else he would be barred from his beloved. But, the Briar Valley would need a king once his grandmother passed the crown onto him. He doesn’t know how well his subjects would take it upon hearing that their Queen is technically dead.
Then, he came across a door that he knew led to the kitchen. He peaked in to see you talking to the head chef, Ms. Plum.
“Oh, Ms. Plum. What am I to do? He just walked off without saying a word. Are all men like this?” You lamented.
“Well, I’m afraid none of them are very bright. They get something stuck in their heads…” Mrs. Plum began her response before pulling a knife out of the head of her colleague and wiping it clean. Then she continued, “...and you can’t do a thing with them.”
Elder Gutknecht burst into the kitchen with a rather heavy book. It actually seemed to be more than his skeletal weight, and it made Malleus briefly concerned. It was flipped to a certain page, and Maggot resided on top of the page.
“My dear, we have to talk.” The Elder seemed burdened by something, which made the dragon prince worried.
“Let me tell her, please. Let me tell her!” Maggot seemed quite the opposite. Whatever misfortune had happened, he seemed to be fairly excited about it.
“What?” You seemed to have the same fear that was now residing in your husband.
“There is a complication with your marriage.” A gasp made its way out of you, and Malleus was pretty close, but he knew that this was not his moment to pop in yet.
“I don’t understand.”
“The vows are binding only until death do you part”
“What are you saying?” “Death… has already parted you.” Another sound of surprise emitted from you, and your hand flew to your mouth. You started to bite your nails in quick contemplation.
“I don’t think he would leave, but is there something you could do to make the vows binding?”
“There is one thing…”
“Oh, please, please, let me tell her!” Maggot interrupted. The suspense was drawing you and Malleus (who was still outside) towards the elderly man.
“...It requires the greatest sacrifice…”
“Go on, get to the good part~”
“What is it?”
“We have to kill him!”
A moment of silence fell on everyone. It was overwhelming for even the dragon prince to comprehend.
Is he really willing to give up his life?
“What?”
“Prince Malleus would have to give up the life he had forever. He would need to repeat his vows in the Land of the Living…
…and drink from the Wine of Ages.”
Elder Gutknecht pointed at the page his book was opened to, and it pictured a vial or bottle of something. Your hands clasped themselves over your mouth as you turned away. Your face held a look of disbelief and remorse.
“Poison…”
“This would stop his heart forever. Only then would he be free to give it to you.”
Dropping to the floor, you bowed your head.
“I could never ask him…” A lone tear traveled down your decayed cheek.
“You don’t have to, dearest.” Malleus made his presence known, entering the kitchen finally. He extended his hands to you as he said, “I’d do it in a heartbeat if it meant spending eternity with you, Y/N.”
You looked up in surprise, originally hinted with a bit of mortification. However, upon hearing what he said, the mortification wiped itself away.
“My boy, if you choose this path, you may never return to the world above. Do you understand?” Elder Gutknecht looked at the prince, waiting for his response.
Continuing to look into your eyes as he helped you up, he said, “I do.”
~~~~~~~~
“Gather round. Gather round, everybody! My soon-to-be-official bride and I have decided to wed each other properly, so grab what you can and follow us. We’re moving upstairs for a proper celebration.” Malleus shouted as he held your hand atop the foundation of a statue.
“Upstairs? I didn’t know we had an upstairs!” A lady in the audience exclaimed. Everyone was now buzzing with excitement for the wedding. They rushed off to prepare both the bride and groom.
“Ms. Widow? I was wondering if you could touch up my suit. I want to be looking the best I can for Y/N.” Malleus explained, also beaming with excitement.
“Why, of course!” She let out a loud whistle, and a few different spiders appeared. The feeling of them walking all over was a bit ticklish, but the dragon prince remained as still as he could.
Then, a hush fell over everyone.
The women started singing in a rather calming tone, announcing that the bride was there.
You walked down the stairs, bouquet in hand and your dress trailing behind you. Once again, Malleus had his breath taken away at your beauty. Some of the widows dropped down with your veil, placing it lightly upon your head.
The men joined in the singing as you twirled about.
Maggot was in tears, blowing his nose in a smaller-scale handkerchief. He just couldn’t believe that his dear friend was finally getting married. He was so proud.
Everyone made their way upstairs. There was a large cake following everyone as well that the chefs whipped up. It was extravagant to say the least, but so were the wedding festivities of Briar Valley.
~~~~~~~~
Queen Maleficia was torn.
She sat at the dinner table, accompanied by Silver, Sebek, Lilia, and the Wikora family. A simple soup was served for dinner, as no one could really stomach an extravagant meal. However, the Wikoras were not really appreciative of the dismal dinner.
Lady Aerwynn looked a tad better, some color having returned to her skin. She was not as feverish, but she was not touching her food. Her hair was brushed neatly, courtesy of the servants who were attending her.
That aside, the Queen was wondering how she was going to break the news to the Wikora family that Lady Aerwynn’s engagement to her grandson was invalid as per her orders.
The entire room was silent, save for the flickering of the fire behind her in the fireplace and the scraping of spoons against the ceramic bowls.
“Has there been any news about His Royal Highness?” Lord Piersym inquired. He was Lady Aerywynn’s older brother, and even more insufferable.
“I am afraid not. There are a few parties out in the woods searching for him.” Maleficia responded.
Then, the fire turned green. It cast an ominous emerald glow in the room, surprising everyone. They all stayed frozen still, only moving their eyes.
Creeping up behind the Wikoras were what Silver, Sebek, Lilia, and Maleficia recognized as dead bodies and skeletons. The one behind Lord Piersym, their eye accidentally fell out of its socket and landed in his soup.
“There seems to be an eye in my soup,” he stated rather calmly.
That is when poor Lady Aerwynn ran to her wit’s end and started screaming. The knights were also considerably spooked at the happenings, but they came to the realization that their weapons were taken by the walking dead. They were left defenseless, basically.
Her Royal Majesty didn’t seem scared but rather on the defensive. This was living (?) proof that the danse macabre was real. That means her grandson would be back. All the living dead were headed a certain direction, she noticed, after spooking her guests and the knights.
Lilia also seemed to notice that pattern and started leading her out of the castle and down the roads. A bunch of skeletons were climbing over the palace walls and into the village outside, so the two faes started making their way to a meadow, as that was where everyone was going.
All around them, couples who had lost each other because of death reunited, and it was beautiful. Typically, in Briar Valley, no one remarries once death has parted them from their first partner. Hence why Queen Maleficia has no king consort. So, to see that loved ones were able to see deceased loved ones again was truly magnificent.
After the reunions, they started heading towards the meadow where a wedding seemed to be set up. An altar of both dead and alive flowers (that symbolized death), as well as the typical wedding flowers (like roses, lilies, and baby’s breath, as mentioned before). The feeling of excitement was in the air, and Maleficia had never seen the village bustling with life like this before… pun intended.
Whispers made their way through the crowds of people, both dead and undead. From what Her Royal Majesty and Her Right-Hand Man gathered, His Royal Highness was repeating his wedding vows in the ‘Land of the Living’ to be with his true love.
…Lady Aerwynn was right. Malleus had, in fact, danced with the dead. Now he was going to join them alongside a dead woman he had only just met that night.
The severity of the situation was donning on both faes as they took their seats in front. More whispers of amazement at seeing the Queen as well as the (at their time of life) General as they sat down.
The two let out a gasp as they saw Malleus teleport to the altar. His suit was a black coat with a green vest. A black button-up resided underneath along with a green tie about his neck. Black dress pants and shoes accompanied the rest of the outfit.
Gasps resounded from the rear of the venue and everyone turned to look. There you stood, your veil hiding your face. Because of its transparency, everyone could still see your face, albeit it was still slightly shrouded from view. You walked slowly down the aisle, as per tradition. There was no question about it: you were beautiful.
Maleficia could tell that you were once a gorgeous human woman. Actually, you seemed very familiar. That dress was one that she had seen before.
You reached the altar and stood beside your about-to-be husband. At the podium stood a rather old skeleton with a rather large book and a bottle of what was presumed to be wine and an empty chalice. The officiant, the Queen guessed.
“Evening. Dearly beloved… and departed… we are gathered here today to join this man and this corpse in marriage.”
Silence washed over the people attending the ceremony. It was like magic the way that everyone wanted to speak but no one dared utter a word. Malleus gently lifted your veil to reveal your face to everyone, and he swears that he is gazing into your eyes for the first time. The pure amount of love in his eyes could have made your heart begin to beat again.
“Living first.” The old skeleton pointed to Malleus, who turned towards you.
“With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.” Just like he rehearsed, he raised his hand up and you accepted it, and he led you three steps forward.
“Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.” He took the empty chalice and lifted it up.
“Now you.” The officiant pointed at you. You realized that you would finally be able to say these vows in however many years since you were set to marry.
“With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.” Just like you had rehearsed many times before, you took a step towards Malleus.
“Your cup will never empty, for I will be…” You opened the bottle and took it into your hand and started pouring the liquid into the chalice that Malleus was holding. But, you paused.
Malleus looked at you expectantly, wanting you to finish the vow so that he may drink the Wine of Ages, wanting to join you eternally in death.
“...I will be…” You came to the realization upon stealing a glance at the crowd. They needed a king once Queen Maleficia gave away the crown. Not just that, but Malleus still had his entire life ahead of him. He was signing it away just for a woman he had only met that night.
“Go on, my dear.” The elderly skeleton prompted. You focused your gaze back on Malleus, who had a hopeful but fearful look in his eyes. However, you did not have that hopeful look in your eyes to match. Malleus realized that.
You take a deep breath in as you go again, “Your cup… will never empty… for I will be…” It’s as though something is prohibiting you from saying the vows in their entirety.
“...I will be your wine.” Malleus finished, going to drink from the chalice. However, before it reached his lips, you put your skeletal hand over it and brought it back down. The dragon prince looked at you in shock, but you looked down to avert his gaze.
“I can’t,” You looked back up at him, tears in your eyes. You were whispering so that no one else could hear you.
“What’s wrong? Speak to me, my love,” He whispered back.
“This is wrong… I was a bride. My dreams were taken from me. And now… I’m taking someone else’s life for my own selfish dreams.” Malleus was about to say something, but you stopped him.
“I love you, Malleus. But you’re not mine to have.”
You both were fragile in this moment as everyone was staring in suspense as to what would happen next. However, someone started clapping in a very slow manner.
“Oh, how touching. I always cry at weddings.” The two of you could recognize that voice from anywhere, and that man started walking down the aisle towards you both.
It was Lord Piersym.
“Our young lovers… together at last. Surely now they can live happily ever after?” The antagonizing tone in his voice did not go unnoticed, and your was-to-be husband put his hand on the other side of your waist and pulled you into him, so as to not leave you vulnerable.
“But you forget… HE IS STILL MY SISTER’S HUSBAND BY ORDER OF THE QUEEN!!! THE WIKORA FAMILY WILL NOT LEAVE EMPTY-HANDED!!!” He screamed. Malleus was about to put an end to this by using his magic, but you stepped out of his grasp.
“You?” You asked. The dragon fae as well as the crowd watched as you walked to the edge of the plateau upon which the altar stood.
“Y/N?” Looks of recognition flashed on both Lord Piersym’s and your faces.
“You.” Your face turned into one of disgust and hatred.
“But… But I left you!” The man turned as white as a ghost.
“...For dead.” Gasps emitted from everyone in the meadow. It seemed that even the animals that were still active went absolutely silent.
“This woman is obviously delusional! It would do you good to hold your tongue, you filthy human!” He pointed a sword at you, and while you were aware that you could not die twice, Malleus seemed to have forgotten about it. All he processed in his mind was that his mate was in danger.
“You were set to marry me. You have no right to call me that,” you stated, diction quite clear and distinct.
“Touche, my dear.”
“Now, go away.”
“Oh, I’m leaving. But first! A toast!” He grabbed the chalice out of Malleus’s hand, lifting it in the air and turning towards the audience, who all had either surprised or angry faces, depending on if they were alive or dead.
“To Y/N! Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”
Malleus was about to shout and lose his mind over what he had just said to you, but you took a step closer to him and kept a vigilant eye on Lord Piersym.
“Tell me, my dear…
Can a heart still break once it’s stopped beating?” Venom laced within his voice, he, too, kept a vigilant eye on his surroundings. His words were enough to bring you to the verge of tears.
“Let me at him! Let me at him!” Maggot was furious. He wanted the death of the puny lord to be by his own ‘hands’ with how angry he was at that moment. However, Elder Gutknecht held him back with his finger, along with the rest of the crowd with his other arm.
“Wait! We are amongst the living! We must abide by their rules!” The Elder warned.
“Well said,” Lord Piersym said in response. He then lifted the chalice to his lips, as though to ‘cheers’ what he said. Then, he proceeded to drink all of the wine that was in the cup. He gave it back to Malleus and started making his way to the side and out of the venue.
“...Not anymore~” Maggot said. Well, he wasn’t wrong, as all of a sudden, Piersym Wikora doubled over, gasping for air. He could feel his magic drain from his body and be replaced with something else.
As I have mentioned before, dear reader… magic is alive. At least, the kind of magic that faes, trolls, and others have in the Land of the Living. The kind of magic that was being replaced in Piersym’s body was something unexplainable. It was like a dead magic. No, not dormant, and certainly not like a volcano. But a dead magic.
The lord looked up, and his skin was pale with a blue undertone to match. His heart had stopped. He was now a walking corpse.
“Yep. You’re right. He’s all yours,” With those words, Elder Gutknecht put his arms down and the dead in the crowd started making their way to the, now dead, lord. They dragged him back through the village, back to the Land of the Dead via the fountain in the center.
That left the living as well as you at the altar. The Moon was close to giving way to the Sun. You turned back to Malleus.
“Y/N, I made a promise to you when I proposed to you. I intend to fulfill that promise if you will have me.”
“No, Malleus. You have kept your promise. I loved dancing with you under the moonlight. You’ve set me free. Now I can do the same.”
Right then and there, butterflies started cutting their way out of the bottom of your dress and legs. It was as though you yourself were an image. You began to disappear as the butterflies flew away.
However, Malleus was not ready to let you go without giving you a farewell gift. He gently pulled your… upper body… closer to him and placed a kiss on your cold lips. A tear escaped from his right eye. Then, you were gone.
~~~~~~~~
Maleficia didn’t know how to feel. However, there was one prominent emotion that made its way to the front of the line, and it was sympathy for her grandson. She stood up from her seat and made her way to Malleus, going to wipe away a tear and say something in encouragement.
“Grandmother, why does it hurt so much?”
“I am afraid, Malleus, that it is the one thing no potion or spell will be able to fix. You will have to recover on your own.”
This took forever, and I was supposed to have it out on Halloween but that clearly did not happen lol.
Thank you for reading! Like, comment, reblog, share, whatever lol.
#divider by cafekitsune#twst#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#disney twst#twst wonderland#malleus#malleus draconia x reader#twst malleus#malleus x reader#malleus draconia#twst malleus draconia x reader#twst malleus draconia#twst malleus x reader
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INITIAL THOUGHTS ON ARCANE SEASON 2 ACT 1 (EPISODES 1-3)
(i’m not good at putting my thoughts into words so feel free to give your own opinions, i rlly wanna hear them)
SPOILERS AHEAD///
ok so my biggest critique is the pacing. everything is very quick very fast and a lot is going on. i understand that this is immediately after a large event which of course caused a reaction however it was just very intense and a lot to keep up with especially considering the amount of new and confusing things introduced throughout the three episodes with minimal slow down. it was alittle difficult to keep up. the timeline of the show is confusing and i have no idea how long it has been between scenes. viktor was barely in that weird healing chamber for a few scenes before he was emerging as someone new. caitlyn and vi were going from loving to fighting to understanding to fighting again very quickly with little time to develop independently, their kiss and divorce weren’t even 30 minutes apart from each other. also, who the fuck is this kid hanging around with jinx?? why is she following her, why doesn’t she talk, what’s her name, how long has she been with her?? this lack of time to let things develop has caused these episodes to feel rushed.
with this introduction of many new things some have left me with a lot of questions. my biggest issue revolves around the arcane. i literally do not recall it being mentioned or being an important topic in s1 but all of a sudden jayce knows a fuck ton about it as well as heimerdinger? when did he learn this? i assume it’s from viktors notes and research but that still fails to cover the amount of knowledge jayce now possesses.
HOWEVER THE ARCANE IS VERY COOL AND IM VERY VERY INVESTED. i absolutely love the changes to viktor, his weird apathy and changes are definitely rushed but so interesting to see, his design and behaviour are so very compelling and im very excited to see the development. additionally, this group dynamic between jayce, ekko and heimerdinger is soooooo fun. it offers a break from the intensity with some silliness i think is desperately needed, plus it’s super satisfying to see the trio bounce off each other. that final scene of them in ep3 was visually incredible and i loved seeing the effects upon the hextech weapons during the jinx, sevika vs vi, caitlyn fight. the scene of viktor amongst the shimmer infected was very interesting and it was so cool to truly see the severe effects of shimmer and the inhumanity of viktor is making a clear route towards his glorious evolution which is am keen to watch.
that ambessa reveal at the end was INCREDIBLE. i genuinely didn’t see it coming and it made my jaw DROP. the quiet, smart suspicion from mel is always incredible to see, her political mind and morals conflicting is so very engaging and she’s really developing into herself in these episodes which was a joy to witness. the mystery of her brother is compelling and links well through s1 and s2 to make the storyline fun to follow. i also simply must compliment the designs revolving around the noxians and animal-esque (sorry idk what they’re called) people. the absolute variety and inspiration from real life cultures is beautiful to see. i am incredibly confused about the magic and that one lady (amara?) but i assume that’ll be answered in later episodes.
jinx is not looking good lmao. i love her design being so corpse-like and deathly, it really fits well and really embraces the differences between powder and jinx. but i do wish we saw more of her. i see her actions but i lack understanding for some of them, primarily revolving around the child (isha?) and why the kids even there but the newfound bond between sevika and jinx is refreshing to see. the scene of them in silcos old office brought a smile to my face and the design of that fucking arm is soooo cool i love the clownish purely jinx vibe to it.
caitlyn is probably the stand out character so far (plus maybe viktor). her absolute grief and seeing her facade break down throughout the episodes was heartbreaking, the tentative yet conflicting moments of softness with vi were beautiful yet had that perfect undercurrent of tragedy that arcane masters so well. her rage and break up with vi was easy to see coming yet so incredibly jarring to watch, that harsh and merciless behaviour is so different from s1, the development is well done and a morbid pleasure to see. and that final episode. oh my. the shock to acceptance of darkness was fantastic, ambessa truly is a master at manipulating weakness in even the strongest of people and seeing this duo is going to be so soul crushing that i’m itching for more.
vi felt very rushed to me and alittle dry? idk why tho i can’t really explain it. i understand her choices but it felt like something was missing until that final scene with cait. that was an absolute masterpiece. seeing her realising that the horrors of war is corrupting everyone around her and pleading for it to please not happen is so so SO fucking sad and my heart was breaking. i loved seeing her moral strength and solidity to her values which has always been a key part of her character so i appreciate the consistency. idk why something about her was just… different.
the opening scene was incredible. the absolute horror of it was so clear and i was literally shaking the entire time. 10/10 opening.
overall, i hope things slow down alittle but i greatly enjoyed season 2 and im very excited to see the characters develop and to see even more of this beautiful world.
#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#jinx#vi#viktor#ekko#caitlyn kiramman#mel medarda#ambessa medarda#jayce talis#caitvi#jayvik#i haven’t slept#it’s 10am#this prolly makes no sense#people share your#opinions#below#i’d love to read them (:
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D&D Vampire Lore Dump #1
Feeding and Diet It's actually more complicated than just "they bite you and eat your blood." Plus what they're able to eat; how often they need to eat; what happens to you if they bite you and what happens to them if they don't feed- spoiler: it's unpleasant. Incidentally, you should reload and kill Cazador again.
(I was comparing stuff across editions and compiling it into something more coherent and then figured I'd info dump about it in case my fixations are useful to somebody out there.)
DISCLAIMER: There are two things to note about the lore presented here: First, while the standard stat block in the monster manual is the default, in terms of lore vampires have this annoying tendency to be incredibly, stupidly varied. They are magical monstrosities ruled by the power of symbolism and superstition above anything else.
The next is that D&D is decades old, spans five editions, several settings and hundreds of writers. One guy establishes a piece of lore, and then the next picks it up goes "nah" and writes something else. I collected info from four different source books, all from different editions, which naturally don't entirely agree on how vampires work. Lore never stays consistent and may contradict itself. You may see information somewhere else from a source I don't have that contradicts what I wrote here. If you read this and like some of this stuff but not other bits, take the good and ditch the rest.
Basically, in D&D, canon is what you decide it is.
Feeding | "Biology" | Hierarchy | Weaknesses and Cures | Psychology
They only need to feed once in a 24 hour period. Vampires can survive between 3-9 months of starvation, but it's a terrible idea. -
There are three different categories of "Undead Hunger." Vampires have two of them and actually need to consume more than one thing to stay "healthy": Blood and life force. -
The blood is obvious. This is categorised as a "diet dependency." It's required to preserve their bodies and powers, and without it their powers* are suppressed as their bodies begin to shut down. *This refers to the powers a vampire gains with age; they cannot lose power they had as a newborn (the base stat blocks given for vampires and spawn given in the monster manual) A vampire requires the equivalent of 12 hit points of blood a day, or it begins to revert into a corpse-like state. Mentally they slowly regress into a desperate, mindless animal frenzy where they'll kill and drain anything containing blood they can get their hands on. Ultimately, if they don't get any blood then they revert into a corpse and they're trapped in their own body as it begins to wither and mummify. They're trapped in a coma, vaguely aware of the passing of time in flashes of awareness until somehow they are fed blood. If they ever wake up again, they will probably wake up feral and absolutely ravenous. -
Vampires rely on the victim's blood pressure to expel blood from the wound they create, lapping and mouthing at the wound rather than actually sucking on it. Being bitten is a highly pleasurable experience that victims can't help but desire, even when they know they shouldn't. -
While the damage done remains, the wounds from a Vampire bite closes itself quickly after the feeding (assuming you're still alive). It does however leave a mark. The bite mark itself is often "less than half an inch in length", and leaves behind a significant bruise that causes no pain or sensitivity to touch. Other side effects include fatigue and a weakened immune system. -
Vampires typically target sleeping victims (less likely to fight back) and favour the blood of their own race above others. So theoretically, Astarion finds elf blood tastes best. -
Drinking animal blood tastes bland and is health-wise akin to drinking tainted water: yes it might keep you alive in desperate times, but it's ultimately bad for you and will probably make you ill. That said, it has no mechanical detriments and a vampire that's forced to live on animal blood will be just as strong as its kin, but considerably bad tempered about it. -
A vampire's secondary feeding requirement is called an "inescapable craving", which means that if a vampire doesn't get that fix then their hunger begins to devour them instead. The pain is described as a spike boring into the vampire's brain, obscuring their awareness. They begin to obsess over feeding to the exclusion of everything else, they become willing to take ridiculous levels of risk to stop the hunger as they become more and more desperate. As they are consumed they become progressively more feral until they're just a rampaging mindless horror driven only by horrific hunger. For vampires, their inescapable craving is life force, which a vampire leeches from their prey through touch leaving the victim weak. Direct skin contact isn't required, if you're wearing full plate and/or the vampire is wearing gloves and they lay a hand on you they can still drain you. Mechanically these were combat abilities, energy/level draining occurred when a vampire struck a target with their own body (usually their hands). Before 5e hit them with a nerf bat, vampires could permanently weaken you this way (you could lose character levels from this). 5e also seems to have rolled life drain into the biting, so a vampire can consume your blood and energy at the same time. -
Post feeding, a vampire starts to look alive. Their skin is flushed and warm and they feel elated and energetic. In contrast, a vampire that hasn't been feeding properly becomes more corpse like and feels "sluggish" (I'm interpreting that as flu-like symptoms). It's purely emotional however, the vampire is no less capable and dangerous and suffers no mechanical penalties. -
Vampires can feed on other vampires, which is actually more filling than living humanoid blood and gives them the ability to communicate telepathically for a few hours. They don't like it though. If a vampire drinks from another vampire then they can be controlled by that vampire and the link forces them to feel affection for each other against their will until it wears off. The results of both vampires in question feeding on each other is described as "debilitating" since they both paradoxically become enslaved to the other's will and forced to "love" each other creating an absolute dysfunctional mess of control, obsession and resentment. The good news is that it only lasts a few hours. -
Some vampires can eat regular food (no nutritional value in it for them) while others would regurgitate it if they tried. As they retain their tongues, vampires can also taste food. That said, it's a bad idea for them to eat garlic, even if they can eat solid food. -
Some kinds of vampires don't drink blood. There's all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff a vampire might be required to consume instead. Spinal fluid stands out. Or the bit about ones who drain the ocular fluid from your eyes. Gale might find interesting things to talk about with the magic eating ones who prey on mages. They're much less common, probably something to do with most people not finding that very sexy. I don't think any of them exist on Toril.
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#astarion ancunin#astarion#vampire tav#long post#the screaming into the void will continue until the hyperfixation is out of my system
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Spirit Work
Working with spirits was popularized and developed in the 1840’s to the 1920’s. Spirit work has also been known as “Necromancy.”
The term necromancy as defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
1: Conjuration of the spirits of the dead for purposes of magically revealing the future or influencing the course of events
2: MAGIC, SORCERY
Some may define that any working, communication, or magic involving the dead (and therefore spirits) is a form of necromancy.
By necromancy, I don’t mean to physically raise the dead. If that was truly possible, then I believe there would be a lot of skeletons and rotting corpses lurking around.
A spirit is a being that does not exist in our physical world. Many spirits can project messages into our world, but they cannot manifest into a solid, physical form here. Most spirits will reside within the astral – which is a separate dimensional plane from our own.
When someone works with spirits it is called spirit work and can take many different forms. Some people want to learn, and keep it strictly business, while others want to be friends or even more in some scenarios.
Deities, Spirits, or Ghosts
Deities are spirits who are seen as divine. They draw their powers from faith and being worshipped in a particular religion.
Spirits generally are entities with many other subcategories, but they tend to draw their powers essentially from the elements of nature and from peoples’ beliefs.
Ghosts were once humans or animals who have died and sometimes, they can remain in our world.
Religion and Spirit Work
Lots of people use spirit work to become closer to their faith or desired path working.
Abrahamic religions use spirit work to commune with God. While there are other individuals who only commune with the Angels or even better, those that commune with the Demons.
Pagans, on the other hand, use spirit work to commune with the various deities and spirits alike. Some people are aligned to a sole practice of religion or single pathworking, while other people are not tied down to any particular practice.
Building Spiritual Connections
Everyone is different in their approach on building relationships. These relationships can be started by either you or the spirit. Some people keep things strictly as business while others build friendships. However, they should not be a direct replacement for mundane relationships, especially not romantic ones.
Remember that spirit work takes effort.
Do the research. Sharpen your mind. Trial and Error.
Don’t let people play translator. No one should be the dedicated “interpreter.” Sometimes it’s okay to use a third party, but do not make it a habit. People can lie. Your relationship is between you and the spirit.
You can say “No.” Spirits can be held accountable for their actions, and you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
Spirits can say “No.” Spirits are like people, and they aren’t playthings. They’re autonomous beings capable of making their own decisions.
Incompatibility. Sometimes a personality, method, and antics might not work very well with you. Recognize when it happens. This may mean taking a break or going separate ways.
Discernment
The process of discernment is interpreting and vetting metaphysical experiences. It helps you build what’s known as UPG or Unverified Personal Gnosis.
UPG is your direct experiences with a spirit or deity. If someone else has the same UPG as you they got all by themselves without help, then that UPG can be considered SPG, or Shared Personal Gnosis.
Your experiences don’t have to match other people’s.
Don’t tailor your UPG to match others. Many people fall into this trap simply because they want to belong to a community or be recognized by authority figures or in some cases both.
Spirit Communications And Synchronicities
When spirits try to get your attention, they will do it in a way you will understand.
They’ll show rather than tell who they are. However, some aren’t as forthcoming because names can give power.
Sometimes the spirits will gauge you and wait for you to come to your own conclusions before giving away their name.
Sometimes the spirits will want to know more about you before giving away their name. Sometimes the give and take relationship must be further established before names are given.
For example, we had consistent communications with a certain Fae entity that did not give away any maliciousness, but at first, they failed to give a proper name. Instead of turning this spirit away we both decided to ask for the Fae to give a name we can call it, until trust could be further established.
The name they gave us was Charles the fox. So, we called him that, but we didn’t believe him to be a simple, ordinary fox. He’s a Fae after all, and it took us roughly one year or so for him to give us his names. Even now, I had to ask permission for this to be included within the writing itself.
… And people tend to forget that sometimes spirits are like this.
…And then there are those ones that aren’t forthcoming about showing much of anything at all because they probably may be imposters – and have malevolent intentions.
One half of this tricky puzzle includes examination of coincidences being too much of an experience to be just coincidences.
Omens
Omens are a sign that appears in the physical world, and they can be good or bad omens. Most often, omens will directly relate to the spirit’s associations. Omens tend to be “gut feeling” experiences and not every unique thing you see may be one. When you’re unsure about a spirit making contact, you can ask for signs. Don’t look everywhere for a sign, though. Not everything is.
Dreams
Spirits can send messages through dreams, and it’s up to you to determine whether a dream is significant based on what happened and why. Analyze things from a logical and psychological manner before delving into spiritual territory. Record whatever makes the most sense to you and any repeating dreams as necessary.
The Astral
The Astral is whenever you are communing with a spirit by projecting and speaking with them. This requires Clairaudience or Claircognizance to be able to recognize and comprehend messages being received. Many people also need to make sure that the experience is not your imagination. Learning the differences from internal thoughts and external thoughts outside your own can be a challenge.
The astral is a dimensional plane that exists outside the physical world. The only way to communicate there is by learning how to project your consciousness.
There are many different dimensional planes, and an infinite number of places and people. One of the astral planes corresponds to earth, however it is hard to discern this. One would have to do research and examine other peoples’ experiences, coming to a well-rounded conclusion.
Divination Methods
Divination is whenever you are communing with a spirit through methods of divination, such as pendulum, cartomancy, scrying, etc.
However, not all forms of divination are guaranteed results. Pendulums are swayed easily by subconscious influence. It’s important to have an open mind and factor in repetitive results as a sign.
Telepath Linking
Telepathy is whenever you are directing thoughts towards the spirit in question. This method can be difficult to achieve due to the mind and imagination wanting the results. Sometimes, desired results will redirect your mind to fill in the result most wanted versus actual spirit communications taking place.
Rule of Three
Repetition is key to the rule of three, as it is a measurement that can help you decipher potential signs from everyday mundane activities. Most signs will show up in different ways around the same time if a spirit is eager to meet you. If you aren’t sure, ask for more before making any solid conclusions.
Confirmation Bias
“This is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information that confirms or supports one’s prior personal beliefs or values.”
The more you work against this, the more authentic interactions will potentially be. Use different methods of discernment to help assist you. Don’t try to push things together, that just don’t stick and eventually fall apart.
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