#that's why I'm just helping xD
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At the risk of setting off a bomb in the Aaravos and Leola fandoms, I do wonder if we ever talk about how--if Aaravos's description of his daughter is accurate--she would probably hate what he's become in her absence.
#the dragon prince#aaravos#tdp leola#tdp#headcanon#if this has been talked about at length feel free to say so#i haven't checked i am fairly offline in terms of fandom#i just wonder cuz i see a lot of buzz for reviving leola which while i *am* sorta on board with that...#y'all aaravos like....sacked two cities and tried to help a man commit infanticide#if leola met him as he is now and she really did love everyone and everything in xadia??? she would be devastated#don't get me wrong i love leola and i love that we are rightfully angry about what happened to her#buuuut aaravos kinda has spent his entire run in the show plainly displaying exactly why he *should* be in prison xD#prolly the season 7 thing i'm most nervous about is what they'll be doing with aaravos#cuz as he is i think he needs to lose#and i hope he does#love him to death#but he's been fucking around so i hope he finds out
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I just had a mind blowing realization
Ok no, it didn't happen right now but yesterday evening but this isn't the point
I was watching 'Timber' (thank you whoever randomly decided to trasmit the A-team during week) and when the famous "gay couple at morning" scene camed I realized that what I thought for one whole year was completely wrong
I was convinced that in their bedroom there were two beds, the one where Face is sleeping (or trying so) and another one on the opposite side
Turned out there's just one - pretty little - bed that they shared (the pillows' position prove it) and Murdock's imaginary bed space is occupied by a closet lol :')
#I really don't know why I had this belief#I could just have seen things where there weren't the first time and then simply go with that :P#but finally I found out that what I saw was not what there was XD#now I'm happy#this episode gives me more surprises every time I watch it :D#guess what I'll see next time#the a team#3x05 “Timber”#hm murdock#templeton peck#facedock#now I can't help but imagine them cozily cuddling each other under those warm covers at late night
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gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
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Every day I am haunted by the fact JJK could be amazing but it will be just idk Bleach or something
#I've seen a lot of people complaining about the fact that it's impossible to fit the ending of every unfinished arc#in the five chapters that remain for the manga to end for good#And it all just... legitimises my fear and apprehension haha#And it's a pity! It's a pity! The dynamics were so good! And yet nothing! Sukuna was so good! And yet nothing!#It was so nice how he seemed to play with the idea of transcending human categories and values but even the values of curses so to speak#Well beyond everything. Well beyond positive/creative nihilism even! He was not like Mahito#I wonder if Mahito is more a negative nihilism with a funny edge or a positive nihilism. For now it seems positive#with how he seems to have said something like 'nothing matters so we can do whatever we want and create what matters'#But Sukuna transcends all that! It could have been interesting to see how that developed in a way that wasn't just childish edginess#But no. And then there's all the idea of curses and sorcerers not being all that different#and so not really entirely possible to say one side is good and the other bad#There was the idea of the very source of powers with fear and love playing a role here in such a juicy way#And then there's the entire thing happening with Gojo as a concept and the very concepts he plays with which I could eat like an apple#but also I would let those very concepts eat at my heart as a worm inside an apple#Full of holes and rotting inside out and yet delighting at the sweetness#It could all be so good! And yet! Most of the manga is a few sketched dynamics and concepts and a very long fight with Sukuna#promising half finished arcs#WHY it could have been so good. And I don't think criticism is a matter of 'fans being spoiled! Go write your story!' or something#It's not a matter of things not going as fans would want them to be. It's a matter of not writing well#or cohesively things established by the author themselves. And I think that's a fair criticism#If we are to take manga as an art‚ which I wholeheartedly support‚#then we can subject mangas to artistic or literary or whatever you want to call it analysis. There are works that are better constructed#than others‚ and there are works that have good ideas but poor execution. And it's always a pity#In the case of JJK it's truly breaking my heart and the comments I see around about these five last chapters are not helping xD#God it could be so good. So good. And I'm not talking about in specific to me‚ which yes that too given the topics‚#but just so good in general. It could be so good. It could have been so good#And yet it's starting to look more and more like any other shonen. It truly breaks my heart haha#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I used Bleach because I think that's one of the mangas that has been the most a let down to the friends I have who like shonen
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some doodles of Four from the other day that I like :)))
he's my husband
I love him so much help
#lol#linked universe four#lu four#the more I look at the 3rd one the more I remember why I had mixed feelings about it...#IT'S OKAY THOUGH#AHAHA#they're just doodles anyways#lolllll#help y'all I'm too tired for this XD#aNYwho#my art :)
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#mortal kombat#shang tsung#bi han#sub zero#bi han and shang tsung#cienie's art#if the game refuses to give me good lin kuei brotherhood AND bi han & shang tsung working nicely together then i'm gonna make that happen#on my own#and since mk invasion season 3 disappointed me greatly as we didn't even get good titan bi han to unfuck the mess#then here a reason why shang tsung and bi han aren't involved much in timeline invasions#they just don't feel like helping XD#instead they are chilling on beach on shang tsung's island watching as the world is burning... again
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You know, when I was first researching neurodivergence (and autism and ADHD in particular) and wondering if I was, in fact, neurodivergent, I brought my conclusions to my mom and she said:
"I mean, you're gifted, right? So you already are neurodivergent???"
So here's to her (kinda) and her words. Giftedness is a neurodivergence, in my opinion. From what I've seen, a lot of the traits overlap with common autistic and/or ADHD traits too, especially regarding overexcitabilities, and a lot of researchers talking about the topic describe giftedness with the same kind of "your brain is just made differently" and "you're just wired differently" language as they use for other neurodivergent conditions. But I also say this because I've seen some gifted people who, while struggling with some "autistic/ADHD traits," don't have all the traits necessary for an autism or ADHD diagnosis. Giftedness is a label for them that encompasses the struggles they have without saying that they don't struggle enough or forcing them to try to fit into a mold that isn't them. And I get that; when I was first questioning, I didn't think I had enough autistic traits to count for a diagnosis either, so I took comfort in a "gifted" label. (Not to say that all gifted people are just autistic people and/or people with ADHD that don't realize, or that all gifted people are just people who don't have enough traits for a diagnosis! That was just the case for me and the folks I've been around, but I've also heard the case of it not being that.)
But if I am gifted, then I also have autism. A lot of my struggles are, honestly, just better described by autism than just by a byproduct of giftedness. My struggles with people and with "being too much," my sensory differences (and yes, sometimes issues), my stimming, and some of my executive dysfunction all sound like autistic traits to me more than a mix of psychomotor and sensual overexcitabilities and a whole bunch of coincidental byproducts of my being gifted and hanging out with nongifted peers. Don't get me wrong; based on my family history, background, and traits, I honestly probably am gifted lol. But it's not just that.
So this is me saying that if the people around you are saying that you're just gifted, you're free to look for other, perhaps better explanations for your feelings and experiences. But if you are just gifted, you're still free to call yourself neurodivergent! My gifted traits lead to me feeling just as ostracized sometimes as my autistic ones, so who am I to police that label?
#I hope this isn't controversial I'd hate for a bunch of folks to come here and start arguing /srs#legitimately hate just the idea of having to deal with that#I just like to talk about myself and part of myself is this#I'd say “one of the rare times this isn't about being nonhuman” but I'm trying to keep this an open blog for my thoughts#since if I make it a “nonhuman blog” then once I stop fixating on this and it becomes another part of my identity#I'll forget about this blog and just vanish#and that's already happened once with a vocaloid blog so I'm trying to prevent it#I just want to stay away from toxicity or discohrse cause that certainly wouldn't help my life or mental health#I made this blog to help me feel better not worse lol#anywayssss#actually gifted#since I heard of someone asking gifted folks to use this tag like they do “actually autistic” and “actually ADHD” ones#I hope you'll take this post#I might post more about giftedness in the future so I'll use that one if I do :D#intellectual giftedness#actually autistic#also ADHD but that'd be a lot to mention here#just know that's why I said *some* of my executive dysfunction#if my experience feels off that might be why#autism#oh and here's the “I probably got something wrong about giftedness go do your own research please (I promise it's fun!)#and if you are gifted I'm sorry if I got stuff majorly wrong“ disclaimer#alright NOW it's time for breakfast XD#gifted kid syndrome#gifted kid burnout
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Slowly discovering the freeing power of the words "I know this is bad but I'll fix it in editing."
#bjk talks#bjk writing rambles#more rambly diary thinking out loud lol don't mind me#i really am starting to feel like very slowly i am actually learning to be a better writer from all this fic stuff#in addition to producing Feels#slash actually starting to develop a writing process rather than just kind of word-spewing#i really hope the end beat of this chap has the impact i want bc it is taking considerable leadup to get there XD#but i'm starting to hit a rhythm of getting some done each day without burning myself out#and focusing on producing a draft that can then be molded#it's challenging because my brain wants the quick dopamine hit of finishing and publishing#rather than focusing on the intermediate steps#tbh this is probably a big part of why longfic has intimidated me up to this point XD#anyway for anyone following along i think i'm about 3/4 done with OYE chapter 4#it's turning out longer than i expected#HOPING to have a full draft to spend time editing this weekend but we'll see#after all this rambling about it the actual chapter is probably gonna be anticlimactic but it helps keep me motivated XD#</ramble>
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The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Davor edition
I-I think Ms. Verner doesn't like him...😳
Davor "Dove" Kovač 🐝 RO: Becca Warrick
Personality: cautious // aloof // pessimistic // flirtatious (only towards Becca ...and Reese??) Traits: head // independent // resistance // believer Past affinity: math Primary ability: extrasensory awareness Past susceptibility: forward. 'it’s better to push forward. don’t look back on the past when you have new places to be and things to achieve.' <<< his motto
🕊️ Fernweh: Davor lived a happy life there and didn't think about leaving in the future. Maybe for some trips, but he knew it would always be his place, his safe place... 'It was a mistake to come back here.' - that was his first thought when he tried to fall asleep on the first night in Fernweh. The nightmares came back as he thought they would. He wants to leave as soon as possible because he feels that it is not safe for Becca to be here.
🕊️ Gramps Dan: That was his gramps who taught Davor how to play the guitar. As a young child, Davor always admired him and believed he was the most intelligent person in the world. After the death of his parents and how his grandfather treated him, he was devastated and angry. He wanted answers soo badly but didn't get any. He lived loathing his grandfather ever since. The news of his passing stirred up a lot of negative emotions that Davor had previously managed to suppress. At the beginning of the story he couldn't care less about his grandfather, but because of his journal he started to believe him. Things that his granfather lived through made Davor even more angry at this messy town …but he's willing to forgive his gramps…
🐝 Becca Warrick: It was a ...funny story that brought both of them together and they look after each other ever since. He considers Becca as his precious (not in a negative-possessive way) treasure, he literally can't let anything bad happen to her. That was also she who came up with the nickname 'Dove'... (and she's literally the only person who calls him that, others wouldn't dare...). He had feelings for her for quite some time but didn't act on it... until now. Although he didn't express it, he felt very nervous about Becca being in the town where he grew up. He was curious (but also scared) about what she could think of this town. He felt like he was revealing more of himself to her…. and he forgot about any worries pretty fast, because the town started being weird as fu--.
🕊️ Reese Verner: Back then Davor was quite cheerful and enjoyed competing with Reese regularly. They teased each other a lot. Davor always thought that Reese had a crush on him, was it true tho? donut know, but he certainly had. ...why does he appear in his nightmares? Maybe the crush stage never disappeared...? Seeing him again was a nice experience, sure... but ignoring the circumstances, he is still unsure if it was worth it and is struggling with his thoughts… Would it be worth it to return to Fernweh just to see him... again? welp, good thing he doesn't have to think about it much, am I right?
🕊️ Sofia Dorran: The two of them maybe did not have a strong relationship, but he knew Sofia is the ideal person for engaging in intelligent conversations. He enjoyed spending time with her, solving the puzzles that gramps created for them both. Davor wasn't a fan of fantasy books, but she managed to change his mind about them. Davor knows that Sofia did take good care of his grandfather, but he still doesn't quite know if he's grateful for that or wished she spent her time more... valuably... He was tempted to ask Sofia to borrow that book she found in his grandfather's bedroom, but he thought better of it. It's better to leave Fernweh… Even so, his curiosity wasn't properly fed.
🕊️ James Corvin: Maybe not brothers by blood, but definitely brothers by choice. Davor treated him as if he was the brother he always wanted to have. Back then Davor always placed a high value on his family… until now. At the time, Davor tended to be more impulsive and James was usually the one who kept him from getting into trouble (which often involved Reese). It was really hard, for both of them, to see each other after so long. Their first interaction was pretty awkward... I would even say that most of their interactions were . James noticed how Davor changed the question is: for the better or worse? I don't even know. Everyone can sense, that things around them are different now, and they aren't as close as before. Will it change?
🕊️ Alek Corvin: …To say that Alek wasn't a fan of Davor would be an understatement. Was it because James spent most of his time focusing only on Davor trying to get him out of trouble? Did Alek observe any possessiveness from Davor towards James? Or maybe simply because of the bond between those two, which was truly something that others would envy and desire? Davor never considered it, especially when he left Fernweh permanently. :)) As you can imagine, Alek doesn't seem very happy about Davor's return… But he took an interest in his new friend, Becca, which did not go unnoticed by Davor and he isn't really happy about it.
🕊️ The Waitress: Oh boy, it seems that Davor has taken up a new hobby, which is glaring harshly at the waitress. He finds her mistrustful and he smells trouble. Had they met when he was younger, there may have been a slim chance of them getting along.
🕊️ Waffles!: So um… Davor has a little issue with dogs and because of that his relationship with Waffles isn't as wonderful as I wish it would be... However, I believe that with time and help from Becca, they will eventually become friends.
#actually about his scar i have this whole headcanon... featuring some...umm.. doggos and Becca... 👀 especially how they met#(Davor was always team cats but after that incident even more xD)#also ouch that naming scene it hurt me so much! but i get it ;; aaaa! Davor why are you being so problematic Waffles is wonderful!!!#it was really interesting for me to messing with Davor in nightmares and showing him Reese!! the feelings the emotions aaaa#also yeeaah Davor thought several times if it would be a good idea to come back to Re-- *cough* Fernweh... and then Becca happened...#generally speaking Davor has a keen interest in Slavic mythologies and culture particularly those from western and southern regions of-#-Europe. I imagine that his father has roots in these regions and he took great pride in his heritage. Often taking about it to Davor#...and since Sofia's a smart girl she lent Davor a fantasy book written by Slavic author who took a great inspiration from Slavic myths👼😊#yes it was enough to change Davor's mind about fantasy books XD he never really read one before he just assumed it's BORING!#and now I'm sure he will throw questions at Sofia about this book she found even more since he's staying at Fernweh... I can imagine how-#-they both are staying up late studying it and comparing their notes... it would remind Davor about the time they were kids-#-it seems that his Gramps gave them both the last puzzle to solve... will they succeed?#and ooohh that will be a hard time for James and Davor... that rejection at the end of book one wont help them im sure XD#about Davor's 'possesivenes' over James... Davor was needy that's true but he would never think about 'stealing' James from Alek or-#-'claiming' James belongs to him. I hope im not crossing a line here but in my headcanon Alek was TOTALLY jealous over their friendship#and Alek THOUGHT that Davor was receiving more attention from James 👀#//which obv isn't true because James would never allow it. Alek is always a number one in James' heart//#in mine too I love A!!!! 💖 they're a BABY#but i must say that Davor didn't really think about Alek's feelings back then. he wasn't aware how Alek could feel- that's not an excuse#super curious about book two and how his relationships with every single one of them will develop!!!#fernweh saga#oc: davor kovac#no i totally did NOT change his surname..
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"my favorite romance trope is like. you don't want to hurt me but i am asking you to hurt me." and other things on the nithvinn board that make me go dan howell biting controller tearful edition (op)
#the citrus speaks#healing hands#what's funny is that i actually saw it as a suggestion on the home page#and then it refreshed and i couldn't add it#smth smth inherent intimacy of surgery etc. among other layers that my brain is way too fried to get into#technically you could also apply this to their emotional healing and how they're a part of helping each other with that#see also The Name Talk™#it's more metaphorical and speaking in terms of vulnerability#and in “i am opening myself to you” but like#yeah#that's not a good explanation brain fried#anyway regardless of why it's there i am :yells:#and now i kind of wanna write about the inherent intimacy of surgery but like. as a poem#also hey i just remembered that yaevinn has canonically like...stabilized nithral and saved his life. crazy#which is like “yeah duh” but like no listen i just realized that yaevinn did first aid with what i assume is. very little if any firsthand-#-experience#anyway sorry these tags are a brain dump#idk what i'm talking about XD
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Spoiler warning for Hogwarts Legacy's Sebastian Sallow & Natsai Onai quest lines!
So, I haven't seen anyone talking about the two crucio moments yet - I've decided to just do it myself. (English is not my first language.)
I've always felt like Sebastian was pretty much smitten with the MC from the moment they bested him in that duell in DADA on the first day. (As was the MC with him. Really, you can't tell me otherwise xD)
Which made it very weird for me that he so easily was able to use the cruciatus curse on the MC.
But, after witnessing crucio being cast on Natsai, it makes a whole of a lot more sense.
You see, when Natsai was hit with the curse by Harlow, she broke down spasming, apparently even loosing consciousness, ending up in the hospital wing in a wheelchair. She said it was mainly because her mother insisted, but when you compare that to how the MC was effected by the curse - she seems to be a whole of a lot more damaged by it.
Because MC, while obviously being hurt by it - considering the life bar dropped into the red area - took just one healing potion and was walking and talking like nothing happend. No spasms, no loosing consciousness. They just dropped to their knees in pain. Which means that Sebastian using that curse was not half as bad as Harlow using it.
It reminded me of when Harry used it on Bellatrix in Order of the Pheonix. While she too broke down from the pain, she was basically unharmed by it - because Harry, while furious because of Sirius's death, didn't mean it in a way that would cause unspeakable pain.
I see the same for Sebastian. He didn't want to hurt the MC in that way. That boy has by all means a lot of unresolved issues. Anger issues even. And he definitely is drawn to the dark arts. But he is also a loyal, reliable friend who cares deeply (maybe even a bit too much, considering how far he is willing to go for his sister) about those he loves.
My point being - Sebastian may have used the cruciatus curse on the MC to escape Slytherin's maze - but it was a really weak one compared to an actual dark wizard using it on someone they hate.
Therefore I don't see Sebastian actually wanting to hurt the MC but merely channeling his anger and frustration into the curse to escape a death trap.
He definitely meant to kill that goblin and his uncle, tho. Like I said. Lots of unresolved (anger) issues. Get him lots of hugs and a therapist, please. Why couldn't my MC give him more hugs and therapy sessions? I want more meaningful decisions in that game XD
(No, seriously. The way it most of the time doesn't even matter what you say because the characters answers will not differ is just plainly frustrating at times. No, douchbag Solomon, I did not defend Sebastian, I said he went the hell too far, you moron XD)
#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#natsai onai#crucio#hogwarts legacy spoilers#I love that game#i hate jkr#harry potter has been my childhood#I'm not gonna let that awful woman destroy it#why is there no romance in this game#the kids are 15#they are basically controlled by their hormones XD#I just wanted to help Sebastian and not enable him to be a flipping idiot playing around with things he doesn't understand
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The fact that I can still get hate on ITGN even so long after it's been finished XD
#don't go looking i deleted it#i'm an ableist people#yeah I dared mentionned Peeta's missing leg wasn't helping him in CF#sue me#and then you wonder why i don't want to go back to hayffie XD#whaaaaatever#this story is probably the one that got the most hate ever#but being called an ableist first thing in the morning is a new one#one that makes me angry#how many ff authors just skip over peeta's leg?#how many times did I include it in all my stories#including modern aus?#whatever#shouldn't let this get me so angry#I'm kind of tempted to freeze all comments on that fic#but then again i hate moderating#and i can't be bother
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Can y'all guess what these untitled documents are of
#I really need to get into the habit of titling my fics before or as I write them#doesn't even need to be the finishing title#just at the very least something to help me differentiate the fics better :'D#some of these I don't even remember writing???#I WAS GONNA WRITE A FIC FOR THEM FOR VALENTINE'S DAYYY...#WHY DIDN'T I FINISH THAT IT'S JULY IT'S TOO LATE NOW#uhhh next year ig?? xD#AND KYOSAYA DURING REBELLION???#SO MANY OF THOSE HERE#and some epic fights and angst yayaya#ughhh I should actually continue writing them.... mmmfff#I'm too tired rn :(( but maybe tomorrow#or I'll try and write another shorter fic for them#so I have something else to post#BCZ THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS#I wish I could say this was all of them but it's not :p#these are just the ones I didn't write a title for#some of them have placeholder titles idk why all of them don't#and some of them are on different google doc accs I didn't feel like going on HWHWJSS#and some of them are written in my journal so they're not digitally anywhere#ughhh I think abt kyosaya too much I cannot function if I don't write something abt them#or draw them#I have so many sketches of them#send help#wahwhaawjsjwhdjnwsj
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got vaguely inspired tonight w/ a new fic idea and unfortunately for me I cannot put Bowser and Mario (and Peach) in the same room getting along without some sort of crisis happening, for some reason
#i'm not mad its just funny#like i know there are the sports tourneys and mario parties and stuff; i should use those as the setting sometime XD#or maybe they should just run into each other at the market idk#bowser's like 'why tf are you here in MY kingdom'#and mario's like 'i'm stimulating the local economy! :D'#and bowser's like 'fuck you thanks for helping the small businesses out ig now fuck off'#or something silly like that#(it's bedtime for me - hence the ridiculousness lmao)#anyway in the case of this particular plot bunny Luigi's gone and Vanished#and Bowser gets involved because...reasons#(he's not why Luigi's disappeared)#and that's all the detail that exists b/c the fic isn't about that its about Bowser having Feelings(tm) and being mad about it#mlv.txt
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HOW ARE YOU SO TALENTED
waaa THANK YOU!!! but it's a curse don't get too happy for me yet HHH xD i can't do anything BUT draw JGAJGJSG life is so hard when you can only be good at one thing LMAO
#ask#i sold my soul to get to where i am today btw that's the secret#yup. uhuh#to who? well killer and cross obviously#DUH you think this talent is cause i practice? pffff#these dorks have been living in my head rent free for so long i can't do anything BUT draw them for them to leave my thoughts#and even then that doesn't WORK!! i'm doomed for these beans sobbing crying please send help-#jk jk it's all jokes- i'm really glad you think so!! :')#BUT i really don't know if i'd wish talent upon anyone tbh HHH xD it's so tied to your identity it's insane really!#i can't think of a day where i didn't consider myself an artist- even as a kid and that's probably why i'm good? i just don't force myself#to do art or anything i just want to no matter how bad the outcome is! probably cause it's just BORING without it like FR#a world without me drawing feels empty and weird and i hate thinking about it so!!#a summary of this is just: be as stubborn as you can whenever you draw and it won't even matter to you if you're good at it!#muah muah thank you sm for the support tundra!! it's very sweet of you >:')c <3333
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staring at the wall rn
#made the mistake of watching my memorial video i made 13yrs ago for my brother#now i'm like trying to process it all again and my monkey brain has to wonder why i cant just call him#or text him#or play games with him#and on top of it all my back hurts and i'm mega dizzy today (ily period + POTS <3)#grief doesnt get easier it just gets easier to live with ugh#holds my hands out for my f/os to help me but they're all evil little bastards that take ppls lives#that and the other ones.. all they know is tragedy#its so hard to cope with the death of my brother when no one and nothing can relate or share support#i'm so#bluh#i originally watched the video to see if i could hear my dad's voice in the background but alas#just brother grief AJDFKLD#and NOW father grief because i realize i uploaded NOTHING of what i had of my father on youtube#i'd be lucky if my mom had tapes of him but she purged everything of our family when my step father came into the picture#ok i gotta stop AJSDLKFASJDF#This is just turning into me needing to hold my hands out to my therapist xD#ugh#sorry i feel like i got no one to talk to about this garbage so i dump it on here sometimes#vent#tw death
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